#I hope I did Jonghyun justice

[cosmojjong]

[eng subs] jonghyun guesting on kangta's starry night during op. 2 radio promotions (segment one) - translation may contain minor inaccuracies / check the video description for further info.

[acebytaemin]

what did you think about the lines distribution of that cover? less of who sang how much and more who got to sing who, i know i was worried thinking how will they split that song to fit eight people. satisfying to see how they worked it out so well, with the choreo too!

oh i was so skeptical abt jjong jinki and taem’s parts (to me at least there was no way skzies would struggle w the rap parts, but the vocal parts are so intense and demand so much training/stamina that tbh i see no problem in dividing this song among eight people IFJSLKD maybe even ten would work) but to my delight & surprise they did soooo well i think hanji and seungmin did jonghyun justice which is literally THE highest form of praise you could get from me and i’ve only ever said it about taemin. in technical terms i was most impressed by han and lino (the way he ATE taemin’s line? Hiiiiiii also he was the only one who came close to giving me the intensity and sharpness that taemin does the choreo with but im not insane & don’t expect that from anyone bc taemin is actually out of his mind during sherlock but <33333 had to mention), but my dearest part was for sure when chan got to sing the first ‘give it up for stray kids’ i thought that was SO fitting i was hoping they’d give that part to leader guy 🥲 and felix ‘binnatta’ was SO good it made me giggle bc minho’s original is heavily autotuned to make it sound robotic & non human and lix just has a deep voice that gives it that special effect. honestly it hasn’t really sunk in for me yet and i’m sure i’ll have more to say abt it later on but it’s the details that make it so good and i’m definitely beyond impressed by the way they’ve managed to pull this off 🥹

[boysplanetrecaps]

Thoughts on Jonghyun, End of a Day, and Donghyun and Sunyoul's Performance

Hi, fam. In this post, I’m going to talk a bit more about the song End of a Day by Jonghyun, and what it means in the context of Sunyoul and Donghun’s performance on MNET’s Build Up. Along the way I’m going to be hitting some pretty serious topics, so don’t feel obligated to read this one if you’re not able to. It’s pretty sad. TW: suicide, mental health issues

This is Jonghyun.

He loved music from the time he was a child, and was scouted by SM Entertainment when he was only 15. He debuted as a member of SHINee in 2008, when he was 18. He was handsome, charismatic, and talented, with a unique and strong singing voice and great stage presence. He wasn’t just a singer and dancer and leader -- he also wrote songs for SHINee (Juliette), EXO (Playboy), bandmate Taemin (Pretty Boy, Already), and Lee Hi (Breathe). He was a gentle, sweet man, who stood up for social justice issues, including LGBT rights. He also was suffering, as we can tell after the fact, from mental health issues. 

A lot of what he was feeling comes through in his songs Breathe and End of a Day. 

Here’s a selection of lyrics from Breathe:

Take a deep breath Until both sides of your heart get numb Until it hurts a little Let out your breath even more Until you feel like there’s nothing left inside It’s alright if you run out of breath No one will blame you It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes Because anyone can do so Although comforting by saying it’s alright Are just words

Someone’s breath. That heavy breath How can I see through that? Though I can’t understand your breath It’s alright I’ll hold you You really did a good job

Here’s a selection of lyrics from End of a Day, which people say was inspired by his dog:

Your small shoulders, your small hands Become my cozy blanket at the end of a tiring day You did a good job today, you worked so hard I hope my shoulders and my thick hands Will become cozy comfort For the end of your tiring day as well I want to naturally sync my breathing with yours

Like water in a bathtub that wraps around you With no space left I want to warmly hold you without any space left At the end of my day, filled with awkward mistakes You, my prize, are waiting for me

I can’t cry all I want or even laugh all I want At the end of a tiring day but still, if I’m next to you Like a child, I can whine and then laugh Till I run out of breath I’m not used to seeing myself like this

You did a good job today, you worked so hard You are my pride

This preoccupation with wanting to do a good job, with wanting others to recognize that he did a good job, comes back in the worst possible place. 

In December of 2017, Jonghyun lost his life to suicide. It was something he obviously had been planning for a few days at the very least. In his note, he said he was “broken from the inside,” that his depression was “devouring” him. He spoke of wanting someone, anyone, to notice how much pain he was in, or to give him a reason to live, or just meet him where he was and empathize with him. He also spoke of feeling like he was going against the world, and ended the note by saying:

“It wasn‘t my path to become world-famous. That’s why they say it‘s hard to go against the world and to become famous. Why did I choose this path? It’s quite funny now that I think about it. It‘s a miracle that I endured through it all this time. What more can I say. Just tell me “good job.” You did great. Tell me I suffered enough. Even though you can’t laugh right now, just don‘t send me off blaming me. Good job. You suffered a great deal. Good-bye.”

To whom was he speaking, when he said “Good job. You suffered a great deal”? I think he was talking to himself. He was saying to himself what he wished someone would say to him, the same thing he said to himself in the lyrics of the songs he wrote. Good job. You did well. 수고했어 Sugohaesseo.

And that’s why this whole segment with Donghyun and Sunyoul on Build Up completely broke my heart.  

We already saw Donghyun’s reaction to being selected as Top Tier in the first round of performances. He almost broke down, saying he’d never been chosen in first place for anything before. His overwhelming desire for praise and recognition made the judges a little uncomfortable. But even when he’s top tier, he and Sunyoul still feel like that. When they have to choose someone to sing to when they’re singing Jonghyun’s song, they need to sing to themselves. They have to tell themselves Good job. You did well. 수고했어 Sugohaesseo.

When they lose the 2 vs 2 rival battle to the other team, after laying all their vulnerabilities on the line, Sunyoul thanks the the judges for the praise, saying he was “hungry” for those words. They told him he did a good job. But Donghyun, who got mixed results from the judges, takes it really, really hard. Sunyoul tries to comfort him by saying the magic words: Good job. You did well. 수고했어 Sugohaesseo. But the words fall into a bottomless pit in Donghyun’s heart. Did he do well? He didn’t do well enough to beat the other team. There is no good enough to fill that pit. 

After Jonghyun died, Lee Hi sang a song as a memorial performance at an end of the year award ceremony. She sang Breathe, the song he wrote for her, the song that was a wail of his pain, and she couldn’t quite make it through it, falling silent for almost a whole verse.

I found an article about that, and when I scrolled down a little, the very next article was about netizens attacking f(x)'s Sulli for something she did that they didn’t like. An article about an idol who felt pushed to take his life because he was never good enough for the public, followed by an article about another idol being attacked by the public -- an idol who also lost her life in the same way not too long later. 

Where does this end? I don’t know. 

Am I feeding this machine, by being a fan of this industry that chews people up and spits them out? Am I being too heartless to the people on this show by pointing out when their singing is pitchy, or nasal, or out of tempo? Should I just say 수고했어 sugohaesseo, you did well? The words that they all want to hear? The words that Jonghyun said in his note that he wanted to hear? The words he wrote to himself to soothe himself at the end -- his last thoughts on this earth?

수고했어.  

수고했어. 

At the end of Our Page, the song that the surviving members of SHINee wrote to honor Jonghyun, you can hear Onew saying  수고했어 in a soft voice. Did that reach Jonghyun, wherever he is? Does it reach anyone? 

Jonghyun, 수고했어. You did well.

Sulli, 수고했어. You did well.

Hara, 수고했어. You did well.

Moonbin, 수고했어. You did well.

And while they’re still here to hear it, I want to say it to everyone on this show, too. Donghyun, 수고했어. Sunyoul, 수고했어. 

And you, dear reader. You also. You are doing well. You don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t have to be productive or useful or what other people want you to be. Be kind, be open, be happy. You are doing well. 수고했어. 

Click here to go on to the next recap Click here to go back to the Build Up main post

[lovsome]

[myungho]

jonghyun x pearl aqua for @shineen​

[5hining-aus]

Sweet Thing (Jonghyun X Reader)

At three in the morning, most people are at home, in bed, and fast asleep. However, lately you were not a part of that majority, no matter how desperately you wished you could be. It was Exam Season and between your classes and your job, the only time you had for studying was from 11PM to 2:30AM. 

Now, normally you would study at home, but your roommate had a regular sleeping schedule, which meant that you had to study at the campus library and then walk home. It wasn’t so bad though, in fact, you had come to enjoy your nighttime walk home or, more accurately, you enjoyed the stop you always made along the way.

Finally.

A smile spread across your face as you opened the door to the Shining Star Café, your new personal refuge and, as had become tradition over the past few weeks, you were greeted by an increasingly familiar face.

This is the third time this week, does he ever leave?

“Welcome to Shining Star Café, what can I get-Oh, Y/N, it’s you! Here to raid my cookie display again,” the man behind the counter, Jonghyun, teased.

“Don’t judge me,” you murmured, already perusing the cookie selection. “I haven’t slept in 72 hours, I NEED these for my sanity.”

Jonghyun laughed and held his hands up defensively.

“Hey, we’ve all been there.”

A few minutes later, while you were busy trying to decide between getting chocolate chip cookies or frosted shortbread cookies, Jonghyun emerged from the kitchen (you honestly hadn’t even noticed that he had left) and placed a plate of fresh snickerdoodles onto the counter beside you.

“Isn’t it a bit wasteful to bake a batch of cookies at 3:00AM,” you questioned.

“Not if I’m only baking enough for two people. Besides, I think my most consistent customer deserves some free cookies.”

You felt your heart swell; he was kind of sweet.

“You know,” you began, taking a cookie from the plate, “no man’s ever baked me cookies before.”

“Then you’ve clearly been seeing the wrong type of men,” Jonghyun replied with a charming smile.

“Maybe I have been.”

                                            ~

The two of you stayed there talking and eating cookies until it was almost 7:00AM, and you would’ve stayed even longer had it not been for an 8 o’clock exam that you very nearly forgot about. Just as you were about to rush out the door, Jonghyun stopped you with a frantic shout.

“Y/N!”

You turned around quickly to see Jonghyun practically half-laying on the counter.

“Yes?”

Jonghyun’s eyes darted around, he looked nervous.

“My shift ends at ten,” he blurted out, a faint blush coating his cheeks.

You smiled softly; he was rather adorable.

“Then I’ll be here,” you responded happily, an identical blush coating your cheeks before you practically skipped out of the café, leaving an absolutely smitten Jonghyun in your wake.

[grouchomarxiste-blog1]

Bong Joon-Ho’s Memories of Murder: The Fifth Republic and Modernity

I was hesitant on deciding to write about a movie that I’ve only seen once, especially since I saw it in theaters and it’s not accessible anywhere else. I’ve been thinking about this movie since I saw it, which was last Wednesday, so not too long ago. But I told myself that if I’m going to write about this, I might as well do it while it's somewhat fresh in my brain. So here it goes: Bong Joon-Ho’s Memories of Murder.

 When I think of South Korea today, I think of K-Pop, skincare, 5G, plastic surgery culture, and a whole bunch of colorful, glamorous things that Bong Joon-Ho sees through. This is the third Bong Joon-Ho I’ve seen so far, and he constantly reminds us that Korea is not that. Class was everywhere in Snowpiercer. Class was everywhere in Parasite. Can I just note how it's interesting that Snowpiercer’s class structure is visible through a literal horizontal setting (the bullet train) while Parasite is vertical (through the levels of the home). One can argue class is everywhere (period) but Memories of Murder does not emphasize class distinctions the way that the other two does. Although there is something to be said about its historical and political significance. Before I give you my analysis, let me give a brief summary.        

In a rural province in 1986, two women were found bound, gagged, raped, and murdered in a field. Chief detective Park is frustrated due to the contamination of evidence, the media, and the severity of the case. Park’s wife tells him about a mentally disabled boy, Kwang-ho, who used to follow one of the victims around before she died. Park and his hot-headed partner, Cho, beat Kwang-ho and secretly record him describing the murder in detail, corresponding to the autopsy’s result. Park’s technique to finding a criminal is by staring at them and looking into their eyes. He thinks that Kwang-ho is the murderer. Seo, a detective from Seoul, comes down to assist Park with the case. He immediately dismisses Kwang-ho as a suspect because his webbed fingers couldn't match the level of sophistication of the other murders. Seo also dismisses the confession as Park and Cho rehearsing the murder with him, so they can close the case quicker. Seo’s more refined detective skills causes him to disagree with Park’s more traditional and laid-back methods. They establish the pattern that the killer only goes after women wearing red on rainy nights. Another officer also realizes that the local radio station gets a request to play a song called “Sad Letter” every rainy night, shortly before the next murder is committed. Park meets with a fortune teller who sells him a gimmick ritual item to use at the scene of the crime. Him and Cho return to one of the many crime scenes where they also find Seo independently investigating. They all hide separately when a man wearing red lingerie pulls out a bra and underwear and begins to masturbate over it. Cho steps on a twig prompting the man to run away. Park, Cho, and Seo chase the man who hides among construction workers. Despite it being unlikely that he is the murder, Park and Cho proceed to torture him.

Seo follows a local schoolgirl’s rumor of a woman who cries on top of the hill near the school. The traumatized woman managed to escape the killer alive but did not see his face, only remembering that he had soft hands. Seo clears the construction worker suspect due to his rough hands. Another night it rains and “Sad Letter” begins to play on the radio. Park and Seo get the station to give them the address of the postcard requesting the song, which brings them to the home of a factory office worker, Hyeon-gyu, with soft hands. Park and Seo listen to Kwang-ho’s confession where they realize that he's speaking as if he witnessed the crime and was describing the scene. They rush to find him at his father’s restaurant where they find Cho drunkenly fighting the patrons who made fun of the police on the television. Kwang-ho runs away and gets hit and killed by a train, before they can question him. They also find semen on a victim and send it to the United States to see if it matches Hyeon-gyu, because Korea doesn't have the forensic technology to test it. The next body is found and Seo realizes it was the schoolgirl who helped him earlier. Frustrated and angry that they haven't found the murderer, he drags Hyeon-gyu to a tunnel getting ready to shoot him. Park stops him carrying the documents from the United States. Seo reads the documents in disbelief, which says that the semen does not match Hyeon-gyu. Park looks him in the eyes but is unsure. He reluctantly lets him go. The movie shifts to 2003 where Park now has a family and has become a rich businessman. Park stops his driver while passing by the field where the murders occurred. Park looks down into a ditch where the first woman was found. He’s interrupted by a schoolgirl who asks him what he's doing to which he responds he’s “just looking.” She says that it's weird because awhile back she saw another man looking down there, and when she asked him why “he said he remembered doing something here, long ago. So he came back to take a look.” He asks her how he looked, to which she simply replies, “ordinary.” Park is visibly shaken by this, to which he turns to the camera and stares.

Ok, so I understand this was by no means a brief summary, but this is a murder mystery, so every moment counts. I don’t even know where to begin. First, I should mention that this is based off of South Korea’s first serial murders, which was unsolved until 2019. I should also say something about the political situation, I left certain things out of my “summary”, mainly the scenes of political unrest which were sprinkled throughout the film. We see scenes where tanks roll into the street, Christian groups protest outside police departments, people casually denouncing the police for their unethical tactics. The more unnerving scenes depict missile sirens going off, where civilians must perform a drill in case of a North Korean attack which includes everyone turning off their lights and hiding in the nearest buildings. Bong doesn’t give much background to the political situation beyond this. Memories of Murdertakes place in 1986, towards the end of the Chun Doo-hwan dictatorship. The Fifth Republic of Korea was created after the political instability of the Park Chun-hee dictatorship and was meant to transition Korea into a democracy. Chun orchestrated the coup d’etat that assassinated Park and made him the president, before any elections took place. Under Chun, all political parties were banned besides his own, the Democratic Justice Party, and ruled as a one-party state. Chun continued to squash pro-democracy protests despite nationwide support, until the June Democracy Movement forced Chun to hold elections, which ushered in the democracy of the Sixth Republic in 1988.

This era of repression is represented by the desaturated image of the rural provinces. During the Fifth Republic, the liberalization of the Korean economy expanded the role of major cities like Seoul, while rural areas suffered. Korea became dependent on foreign agriculture and livestock. In the original case, the victims were found in different locations but in the film, Bong places them in the fields. Perhaps the placement of their bodies alludes to the death of the Korean agricultural sector. The film begins in daylight, something we don’t see until the end in 2003. This grim period ends when the film flash forwards to 2003. The absence of Park’s life within the 17-year transformation allegorizes the rapid urbanization which prompted mass migration into major cities. 1988 marked a new era of Korea, not bound by the remnants of authoritarianism but a more liberal, globalized nation.

This urbanization also modernized Korea. Park and Cho’s approach to detective work comes off as backwards, even comical to the audience. We have Cho whose primary method is to beat anyone out of a confession. Park employs numerous techniques like going to a fortune teller, going undercover to bathhouses, and most importantly- looking into the eyes of the suspects. As Tony Montana once said, “the eyes, Chico, they never lie”, a line Park would very much agree with. This contrasts the more scientific Seoul-trained Seo, who trusts that “the documents never lie.” There's much to be said about facts, that Joseph Jonghyun Jeon goes into in his analysis of the movie, but I’m unqualified to summarize. The essential detective story depends on the facts, the desire for truth. Throughout the film, we’re searching for that. As a generation fed on Law and Order, Criminal Minds, CSI, and a whole bunch of crime dramas, we’re well versed with the dos and don'ts of an investigation. While I’m not familiar with Korean crime scene procedures, I’m sure that eating ramen with a suspect, beating them, and literally anything that Park and Cho did, is not ethical. As an audience, I’m sure we all held on to those feelings of hope we received after the pattern was established. Early on we found out that women wearing red were targeted on rainy nights, shortly after “Sad Letter” played on the radio. After that, not much progressed in the investigation. In fact, it was extremely frustrating watching so many women go murdered after that. Although most of us were rooting for the broody Seo to put the investigation on the right path, and find the murderer, he didn’t do much. Yes, his contributions were valuable, but in the end, he did not solve the case. Park and Seo’s relationship represented a dialectical opposition of ideas. Park’s eye contact method couldn’t tell if Hyeon-gyu was the killer, and Seo’s documents were inconclusive. Does Bong think that Korea cannot be exclusively traditional or exclusively modern? That their needs to be a synthesis of the two? I should also note that I am also too unqualified to invoke the Hegelian dialectic.

It almost feels unfair to stop here but I should because I’m impatient and I want to have something posted. Honestly, I could have written so much more. I’d go into police brutality in the Fifth Republic, the violent nature of Korean society, the murder case itself (but let’s be honest, I’m too scared to read into the details at 3 am). I just want to talk about one last scene, the actual last scene. Despite being the scenes of such grisly crimes, towards the end, the field gave me a sense of relief. The warmth of the fields made me feel comfortable, almost nostalgic. Before I forget, Jeon also extensively details the significance of nostalgia and the title, so you should check that out. Back to the fields, they made me comfortable. Have you ever gone to the beach and dipped your body in the water, changed your clothes and gone home? That feeling of wet hair, bits of sand on your body. No matter how great that beach day was, the car ride in that state is an extremely uncomfortable one and all you want is to go home, get in the shower, and wrap up in a blanket and go to sleep. That’s what that last scene did for me, it was me wrapping up in that blanket. But how can you go to sleep? After having a little girl deliver the news that the murderer still lives and remembers his crimes. Park must have spent those 17 years forgetting his failures with the case. Even visiting the crime scene wouldn’t have affected him the way that the universe did when it sent him that girl to taunt him. What really got me was when Park turned to the camera. If you had/have the pleasure of seeing it in theaters like me, Park stares at the audience, which I didn't think much of. Then I remembered that the case was still unsolved in 2003, and there was a chance that the actual murderer was in the audience, and Park was making eye contact with us to see if he was amongst us. And that's what had me fucked up.

Further Reading:

Jeon, Joseph Jonghyun. “Memories of Memories: Historicity, Nostalgia, and Archive in Bong Joon-Ho's ‘Memories of Murder.’” Cinema Journal, vol. 51, no. 1, 2011, pp. 75–95., doi:10.1353/cj.2011.0065.

[thinkingaboutyoungroyals]

It’s time to get sentimental. (Please bear with me.)

I have a deep gratitude towards “Andi Mack”, it means so much to me.

This show saved me from falling into deeper into depression. I’ve mentioned several times in this blog that I used to be a casual viewer of the show before getting obsessed in the latter half of Season 2. I made my blog around July of 2018 and the reason I gave people at the time was for Tyrus. But, honestly, I think I made it as a coping mechanism for my grief.

You see, In July 2017, I lost my cousin to a brutal murder. Months later, in December, I lost my idol Kim Jonghyun. So, I welcomed 2018 with grief. I put on a mask of happiness for everyone else, even though I was broken inside. I had a couple of breakdowns between December of 2017 and July of 2018. I almost (ALMOST) got back into the habit of hurting myself just to feel something. I was so lost and lonely, but I couldn’t find the right distraction to make me feel that happiness that felt so long ago.

I started re-watching old episodes of “Andi Mack” out of boredom. And, one day, for some weird reason, I decided to create a Tumblr blog dedicated to my favorite pairing from the show, Tyrus. It was never meant to be anything I took seriously. It was just a way for me to find fanfics and fan art and to keep up with news about the show.

But, soon, I found myself contributing. I created stories, re-learned how to edit video, and wrote essays of my thoughts. I met friends who, in a matter of months, became so important that I can’t stand the thought of losing them.

Without realizing it, I started to heal. My broken heart still has cracks but “Andi Mack” put a bandage over it. I started smiling more again and got excited to wake up everyday. I looked forward to everything this show had in store, what the latest fandom theory is... basically, everything. It gave me a reason to keep going.

I’m not even the target demographic of this show, but I found the one thing that I never found in any other show: acceptance. 

For the first time, I was able to confidently say “I’m bi” and not feel like my heart was in my stomach. I found and met people who are just like me, who are closeted but felt comfort in the fact that this show, this Disney Channel show, made us feel validated, seen, and accepted. We were told that we’re no different… that there’s nothing wrong with us… that we are loved.

If there’s one word that comes to mind when I think of “Andi Mack”, it’s hope.

“Andi Mack” gives me hope for this world and for the future of the new generation. 

So, I just want to say... thank you. 

Thank you, Jonah Beck, for showing me that everyone goes through something, despite the happy facade they put on. It’s okay to not be okay because you have people who care about you behind you.

Thank you, Cyrus Goodman, for showing me that I may be weird but I’m no different. You are loved, so very much loved, if you just open your eyes. 

Thank you, Buffy Driscoll, for showing me how to be strong in the face of everything. It’s okay to not win everything as long as you did the best you could, you won’t have regrets. 

Thank you, Andi Mack, for showing me how to see the beauty in everything. Your vulnerability is not a weakness - it’s strength. 

Thank you to the cast and crew for working tirelessly, despite all the limitations and backlash, to give us relatable and compelling stories about life, friendship, and love in all forms.

Thank you Terri Minsky, Jonathan Hurwitz, Michelle Manning, Peyton Lee, Sofia Wylie, Joshua Rush, Asher Angel, Lauren Tom, Lilan Bowden, Trent Garrett, Emily Skinner, Luke Mullen, Garren Lake, Molly Jackson, Raquel Justice, Millicent Simmonds, all the extras, the crew, and those who worked behind the scenes. 

We’re ready for tomorrow because of you. Thank you for being with us all the way. 

[sandiegokpop]

FNC's Official Statement in regards to Lee Jonghyun

"Back on the evening of March 12, we revealed that our label artist Lee Jonghyun 'has no relation to the ongoing scandal whatsoever, only that he is acquainted with the individual involved.'

Lee Jonghyun, who is currently serving in the military, took part in police questioning the morning before the above statement occurred, on the afternoon of March 12. At the time, Lee Jonghyun felt that in approximately 20 or so messages containing a 1:1 conversation with him and Jung Joon Young, there was no evidence of illegal hidden camera footage or inappropriate remarks found; as a result, Jonghyun relayed to the company that he was not involved.

The company had no choice but to deliver a statement based on Lee Jonghyun's memories alone, as it has been 4-5 years since Jonghyun left the Kakao Chat room currently under fire, and we could not confirm the truth behind the conversations in this chat room. We did not intend to hide the truth or cover his mistakes in the least.

After the additional news report by SBS on March 14, we were able to get in contact with Lee Jonghyun. He has admitted that his attitude in viewing the footage shared in the Kakao Talk messages, and in the inappropriate remarks he made degrading women, are actions deserving of condemnation; he is reflecting on his actions deeply.

He feels that if he had a proper perspective of gender rights at the time, he would not have been a bystander in these crimes. He apologizes to all who were disappointed and hurt by Jonghyun's immoral comments, made without any realization that he was committing a crime.

Jonghyun is currently accepting the public's harsh criticism of his immoral attitude and mistaken perspective of gender rights, feeling embarrassed and miserable about his character with great regret. As a public figure, Jonghyun will take caution in all of his actions and deeply reflect on his wrongdoings."

Idk why they won't just say he fxckn lied to them. It doesn't matter how long ago it was his heathen ass knows wether or not he saw any videos or asked his friend to send him girls to fxck (I still have no idea if these were groupies or if JJY was pimping them out). He says he didn't have a proper perspective of gender rights at the time?? Excuse me, WHAT? WTF did he say?? This mofo really tried to lowkey blame his culture for not advocating equal rights? You know what's wrong & what's right how dare you Jonghyun. All of them are saying the same damn thing, they didn't know it was a crime. Oh ok so that's why you lied & covered it up. The comments he made about those women...His sick ass was around so many female idols. I don't even want to know his lecherous thoughts when he was in their company. That poor girl he "married" on We Got Married must feel so strange rn.

Bystander my ass, he probably did everything but share recordings. He's really close to that dude no one knows what else they've done together or for each other. I'm just really disgusted that someone...in a group I love was secretly this despicable. They didn't say he was leaving Cnblue but I'm sure he'll be forced out later by public demand. What will happen to the band now? Will they replace him next year when they're all released from the military? It's such a small group & everyone has a role to play. I pray the other 3 weren't involved or knew anything about this. I can't imagine how shocked & disappointed they are rn. Those poor women. I hope they get justice. The industry needs to be revamped. Not only the music industry is involved tho like it reaches so far & deep. They've been operating too long like this.

[ashavarii]

A tribute to Jonghyun from Shinee.

I rearranged one of my favourite songs off his Story Op. 2 album. 

This is a duet with my friend Nico! Neither of us are Korean, but I hope we did the song justice! 

Enjoy. 

[mulansays]

Hello, my dear readers! 

So, I’ve been a little missing in action this week, haven’t I? Well, I can’t say much on the topic without losing my job... Let’s just say, there may or may not be a debut in the works for a few of the kids at the company I work for. This means I’m spread out fairly thin and working at weird hours of the night on minimal sleep, so please be patient with me as I try and balance my job and this blog!

Enough about me. It’s been almost a week since the MGA’s episode four, and boy do I have some things to say.

Let’s start with Team A as usual. I had mixed feelings about this team, mostly because I’ve never tried to hide my disliking of a certain member here. While he turned me off of the group, I still do especially enjoy the rest of the members! In the last episode, we really got to see Jinhee shine as a dancer and leader, but with this performance, I realized that her vocal ability is really average… I guess it’s okay because she’s such an extraordinary dancer. I was shocked with her wig though; was she trying to be Hannah Montana or something? It was kind of lame. If you’re going to go for pink hair, commit to it like Junmyeon and Jonghyun did instead of doing some odd wig show. I’ll be honest, a lot of this team didn’t leave an impression on me, which is sad because last week I mentioned how amazed I was by Jeno and Hyunjin’s dancing. There was nothing special about the choreography. I have to say though, Hyunjin articulates very maturely for such a young kid. His speech inspired me, and if he were to grow older and join an idol group, that’s some leader-worthy pep talks right there. He also pulled off a tough rap decently, so I think I like this kid. I was relieved when Jeno was eliminated rather than him (sorry, Lee Jeno!) I thought Jonghyun should have been the one to go home instead, but I’m not exactly going to she tears over the decision.

Team B was… such a mess. While Guanlin was cute with his heavy accent, he impressed me with how much his pronunciation while rapping had improved. It wasn’t perfect, but it was certainly better than before (and maybe even better than my Korean had been within the first few months of moving here).  Kim Bora really deserved the leader title here, and I hate this whole “leaders can’t be repeated” because obviously, if you appoint someone who’s unfit to lead, your team is screwed. God, my blood has never boiled more than when I saw Junhoe’s attitude. Being a group leader is no joke, but he treated it as if it didn’t matter? I wanted to slap him and send him off the show. When you’re an idol, you can’t act like that, especially in the public eye. There’s a fine line between being mysterious and being a dick, and he crossed that by miles. I’m happy Bora whipped him into shape, but even then, to me it felt like he was trying to have all the spotlight. Besides that, I felt bad for Donghyun and I hope his foot is okay. He really can’t dance though, so thank God they did an easier choreography (yet he still managed to mess that up but whatever). Oh, I almost forgot to mention Wonwoo LOL! Seriously, he got no screen time and he has negative stage presence, so can you blame me? I was hoping for him to get eliminated this week, but then this team ranked 3rd… I was disappointed. I don’t think that weak performance deserved to rank that high. The song choice was fun though.

Team C… Okay, this is going to sound real bitchy, but like, has anyone else noticed how weirdly Yoongi talks? It stuns me every time, and I know it’s not his fault, but sometimes I just want to plug my ears when he opens his mouth. I was pleasantly surprised, though, to see him evolve from an awkward guy begging Hyuna for help, to a proper leader. Though, she carried him through it like a baby, but still, he was standing on his own two legs by the end. Speaking of Hyuna, can she just stick to rapping instead of mediocre singing? I know people were freaking out about it but she’s really just… LOL. I’m really glad Minhyung got eliminated this week. Compared to the rest of his team, he’s so lacking, and I hate using age as an excuse, but he was too young and immature to be in the competition. There are others around the same age, but they have mental maturity, whereas this kid runs out when he gets frustrated? He would never last long in the industry with that mindset. I hope he fixes that before trying again. Other than that, you know I just have to comment on Kim Doyeon. She looks like a natural on stage, and she really has it all: a pretty face, perfect proportions, charisma, vocal ability, and she’s a good dancer. Share that, please, Doyeon? As for Moon Bin, I think he deserved more screen time. Maybe he’s just boring, I don’t know, but I was sad. He has a lovely voice and stage presence. MNET, do the kid some justice!

You guys probably know that one of my least favourite contestants was in Team D. Yes, I’m talking about Minatozaki Sana, and this episode really didn’t give her a redemption arc in my heart. She still has an attitude about losing out to someone else on her team and doesn’t even try to hide it. It just makes the whole team atmosphere feel awkward when she sulks, and it made me uncomfortable to watch. Even when Haknyeon tried to cheer up (so sweet, by the way, and was he flirting a little or am I imagining things?) she was so… I don’t want to dislike her. Sana is a good dancer, but she just feels really fake and bratty. Pfft, and MNET tried to edit Yerim to have that personality but they edit Sana so you feel bad for her. I won’t be fooled though. This team also had another case of poor leadership. Jungkook had the title, but he treated it exactly like that—as if it was only a title and didn’t hold any responsibility. I’m pretty sure I said this last time, too, but he has no stage presence whatsoever! As a dancer, that’s so vital, and it’s probably the biggest flaw to have. I wasn’t surprised to see him eliminated. Oh, and Choi Youngjae… He’s such a good vocalist, but he can’t dance, so I wonder why the team chose such a dance-centered song. On a happier note, Longguo’s cat is so cute. Him and Haknyeon being cat ladies made me smile because it’s so relatable and their friendship is adorable. I really like Joo Haknyeon. He’s a flower, quite fitting with the concept. Not only was he a sweetheart to every contestant on the team, but he also gave his best. Even though his nose bled, he kept practicing by himself to make sure his performance was perfect. I’m amazed.

I don’t really have much to say about Team E. They barely had any screen time. There wasn’t anything memorable from these participants (whether scandalous or not), despite the fact that they chose such a powerful song. Maybe that’s where they went wrong. Choi Yoojung danced and rapped well, Kyungri held her own while dancing and singing. Lee Luda was really naive at the beginning, thinking the dance would be easy. At least she wasn’t the worst dancer in the group though—I think she’s rather average, enough to blend in. Plus, she doesn’t need to dance when she can sing like a goddess. Taehyung was really lacking. He was an okay leader, but all he can do is rap. His dancing was atrocious; why did he agree to such a hard choreography anyways? Personally, I think he should have been eliminated instead of Juyeon, because out of everyone, Juyeon was the most well balanced in every aspect. I’m sad to see him go, and I wish him the best of luck.

Can we just talk about Team F’s introduction? Ha Sungwoon called himself “bananappa” and that made me cringe so hard. Was he on crack? LOL kidding, but seriously. That’s so weird. His nickname aside, I think he made a really good leader. The thing with Sungwoon is that he really supplied a positive atmosphere with the group. Watching their interactions, you could see they were genuinely happy and friendly, whether they were practicing or not. It was quite refreshing, really, which I guess is why they gave themselves the name “Fresh and Fruity” or whatever it was. I’d like to see this group of people debut together, in all honesty. They have a good balance: Sungwoon as the main vocal and leader, Mingyu as the main rapper, Jinsoul and Yerim as lead vocals and dancers. It’s also a perfect ratio of females to males, so they could be kind of like the co-ed group KARD? Anyways, there’s not much to say about them because they were so good and I really enjoyed the performance (another story within a choreography, Sungwoon seems to be good at that). I definitely think they could have been third place; I don’t know what’s wrong with the CEO’s. The dance to Shine isn’t all that hard. Rather than being a good dancer, you just need charisma to pull off the trendy moves in the chorus, and everyone in this team (especially Jinsoul) have enough. Shout out to Yerim, though, who MNET decided not to evil edit this time, instead cutting her out completely. We see you and your hard work. All in all, I thought this team was doomed since Lee Minhyuk pulled out of the competition last minute (you’re really going to let your group members down? Okay), but they did well.

Buckle in for the wild ride that Team G will take you on. I really wasn’t ready. So, there’s an obvious elephant in the room: Lee Sungyeol. In my last post, I talked about how I thought he was too old to be an idol now, and I still stand by it. If anything, this episode only solidified my opinion. Really, what kind of an aspiring idol has a fucking kid? And he so shamelessly showed it off on television for the whole nation to see. Has anyone ever seen an idol that’s freshly debuted, have a toddler? It’s insane! If you have one, at least try to hide it. Already, his age sets him apart from everyone else, along with his lack of skill (Sungyeol is an average singer at best, he can’t dance, and he barely has stage presence). But like, dude, you really want to pursue a career as an idol when you have a kid to take care of? You’ll have no time for the kid, will barely see them, and idols don’t exactly make the most money unless you hit it big, which he definitely can’t do. You need a steady, reliable source of income or else your kid will suffer. Kick him out of the show already!

Now, we’ll tackle the next problem of this team: Kim Chungha. I was really rooting for her, but she’s not much different from Sungyeol. She so blatantly exposed her relationship with Koo Junhoe, as if she wanted to brag? I know she was crying and all, but at least call a female friend and vent! Or if it’s a male, let it be someone who’s not a contestant! Or vent away from the cameras—this is ridiculous. I’ve never been so speechless. And all this after seeing Junhoe’s slacking off makes me wonder, was he late because he was fucking Chungha in the bathroom or something? LOL! They both lost my support. Soojin was my favourite leader out of this episode; she showed dedication to helping Sicheng with his vocals, while still keeping it light and fun. She can dance and sing as well, which we all know I love a woman with many talents. Sicheng was a really good dancer as usual, and Somi too (both their vocals are still lacking though so I hope they work on that). The performance was good overall, so I’m okay with them ranking second. By them, I mean Sicheng, Somi, and Soojin: the three S’s. The other two are such a big NO from me.

I can’t dwell too much on Team H. Not only am I exhausted and sleep deprived, but my heart broke with this team (I think you guys know why). Yongsun seemed to be a really good leader. She’s very funny and likable, not afraid to make a joke out of her weakness in dancing. Plus, she’s one of the best female vocalists on this show. Her and Daniel dancing together was hilarious, I have to admit. They have good chemistry as, like, the Beagle Line of a group. I was also surprised that everyone on this team can play instruments? It’s a coincidence you don’t really expect, and the fact that they utilized this surprise is so surreal to me. I don’t know why. I think it’s because I have a thing for bassists and Kang Daniel plays the bass (what fate is this)? And the bass line for Deja Vu is so sensual—control yourself, Naomi! Can you imagine my reaction to Hyunjung and Daniel acting all cute and flustered together like some puppy love? I almost cried. Almost. Maybe if I learn to play an instrument he will love me too? No hard feelings though, Hyunjung. You’re too talented for me to hate, and you’re pretty. If you make Kang Daniel smile and I get to see that smile, that’s all that matters. Anyways lol that hug and his blush. Wow, the kids on the MGA’s are really acting wild, aren’t they? I hope they all clean up their acts, or at least make it less obvious, by the time they become idols. Overall, this team’s performance was good and faintly reminiscent of H.A.M, so I believe they deserve their title as first ranked for this week. It was something new, something unexpected, something covertly sexy that I really enjoyed (rest in peace to Minho, though, who got no screen time despite killing the rap, the dance, and being super attractive).

I guess that’s all for now, guys! I’ll try not to be as late with my next post, though I can’t make any promises with how hectic work is at the moment. This was also fairly rushed, but I hope it was worthwhile! If not… Well, then, feel free to exit my blog. To those that enjoyed my thoughts, feel free to follow me on twitter @naomiwj and send in your reactions, opinions, and/or fangirl with me !!!

Thanks for reading, fellow netizens! See you next week!

♕ Naomi Wang ♕

[aestheticallyaurum]

Thoughts on Kim JongHyun-  김종현

To start off with: You were enough.

So, I usually refrain from posting “personal stuff”. This is a BTS/EXO/Kpop blog after all. With that being said, this has been in my head for almost a year now. If any of you know what it’s like to have a thought stuck in your head for an hour, a day, you’ll understand the incredible weight of having something like this stuck in your head for almost a year. 

SHINee is not one of the groups I stan. I got into Kpop sometime in late 2017, I don’t remember the exact date, but I think I can say once you get into Kpop it’s like being hit by a train. While the time period between me becoming an ARMY and Jonghyun’s death was barely a month, it still hit me hard. The funny thing is I don’t know why. I didn’t stan SHINee, didn’t know the members, yet my heart was ripped apart when I saw that someone so internally beautiful killed himself. 

I’ve been around Kpop long enough to see how the beautiful side that we fans see covers the ugly and nasty side of the industry (Diets, abusive companies, lawsuits, not seeing families, exhaustion, and so on). I can only imagine the disconnect between having so many adoring fans and living a life people can only dream about but still feeling lost. Typing this now I have that ache in the middle of my chest that feels hollow yet oddly pressurized. It’s funny. So many people feel this yet we don’t have a word for it in English. I wish we did.

Since December of 2017, I have gone so far into Kpop it’s not even funny. In a period of my life where I was on the edge, the type of edge that only severely distressed, mentally panicked, depressed? youths can stand on without telling anyone or anyone noticing, it helped/saved me. Smiling is the easiest when you’re in pain. I know that. Jonghyun’s death was tragic. I can think of no other word to describe it that does it justice. I cannot imagine how SHINee was or is now. Part of the reason I don’t stan them is because emotionally I’m not prepared to. Everytime I see SHINee come up on Youtube, Spotify, Pandora I skip so fast because I can’t handle seeing/hearing them. Part of the fun of stanning Kpop is watching the content of your favorite groups, and everytime I see 5 SHINee members in a video or album cover, I internally breakdown. I guess what I’m trying and failing to say is that I can’t let myself stan five members when I know I will now only ever be able to see four of them. This has been my reasoning for almost a year.

A couple of minutes ago I just finished listening to Jonghyun’s cover of Hyeya. Up until this point I had only ever listened to Yoo KiHyun’s cover, and I found out a little while ago that his cover was actually JongHyun’s. This is the first exposure to anything JongHyun related so this is why it’s so big to me. I know that it might not be the most relevant thing currently, but this is important. JongHyun is dead and won’t ever see this. Kim JongHyun’s life was beautiful and his mind and body did not deserve the torture he had to endure. SHINee does not deserve the pain of losing a brother. It’s unfair. Everything about this is so unfair. I’m so sorry to JongHyun and SHINee. He killed himself because he could not bear being alive and I am so sorry the world was not enough for you. But you were enough for them. You were enough for us. You touched so many people, and they eventually became your fans through your music, voice, and personality. You also managed to touch me with your existence. Your music will follow this, but for the time being let it be said that JongHyun was and is loved. I hope that wherever he is he is finally free of the pain of this world and has found his peace. He deserves it. 

[yayaxkaneki]

I didn’t know it would hurt this much.

I came to Japan for SHINee’s Tokyo Dome concert. And it was everything I could have ever hoped for.

The dome is enormous, the Japanese fans are the best. The sweetest.

Unfortunately I went alone to the concert but the rest of the fans made it feel like home. When the music began playing and SHINee came on stage you could just feel the love pouring out of the fans.

The boys were radiant, but you could see it in their faces. The pain is still fresh. That didn’t stop them tho. Their smiles were genuine. Their energy contagious. They are the strongest men I have ever been blessed to seem on stage.

Jonghyun was on that stage with them. I could feel it. I’m pretty sure everyone in the dome could feel it.

I was beyond happy and yet saddened that they kept Jonghyun’s vocals. Yes, Taemin and Onew mostly covered his parts in some of the songs but you could still hear him. It was beautiful.

I honestly can’t describe more because I feel like can’t do this concert justice. But the feeling of love and proud I felt towards 5HINee has never overwhelmed me as much as it did tonight.

By the end I was a sobbing mess.

I’m glad I bought that ticket. I’m glad I braved my mom by coming here since she was dead set against it. I have no regrets.

Well, maybe one...that I didn’t come when Jonghyun was there in body and soul.

I love you Kim Jonghyun.

I love you you Lee Jinki.

I love you Kim Kibum.

I love you Choi Minho.

I love you Lee Taemin.

I love you 5HINee.

5HINee Forever.

[smtown-tourist]

In Memory of Jonghyun:

“Instead of trying hard to accept somebody, we should acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses.”  - Jonghyun

Today, December 18th, 2017, is a sad day in K-pop history. One of the most talented, beautiful souls to have ever walked this planet has left us. It is a day that will not be forgotten easily and will leave everyone - myself, his family, the SHINee members, and all the Blingers, Shawols, and K-pop fans alike - with a permanent crack in our hearts. Kim, Jonghyun, the main vocalist of SHINee, was one of the sweetest and most kindhearted people that we have been gifted to experience. He was fun loving and of course the most iconic person who represented all of us out their who are easily moved to tears. He lived life to the fullest and strived to bring his dream of working in the music industry to a reality. With the help of SM and his fellow members, he was able to touch the hearts of many and inspire others to chase their dreams and pursue what made them great. Because of that, his passing will be felt as a global heartbreak and mourning.

“There is no such thing as a useless emotion. When I have kids, I’m going to raise them knowing the luxury of emotions.” - Jonghyun

I speak for myself when I saw that I have always looked up to Jonghyun as a personal role model. In light of his sudden death, it only motivates me more to become a better person and hope to only dream of living up to the great human being he was. This man loved everyone, even those who hated him, and wanted for the world to live in peace and harmony. He was a pacifist who didn’t see the point in violence and dedicated himself to making the world a better place for all kinds of people, accepting them into his arms and showing them the love and care they deserve. I won’t let his life be forgotten and will keep his memory alive by advocating for suicide, depression, and, in general, mental health awareness.

“As an entertainer, I feel at a loss towards a world that does not accept differences” - Jonghyun

We won’t ever know completely why he decided to take his life on this day, what finally drove him to the breaking point, but we cannot let his sacrifice be made in vain. He has showed us what can happen when you simply brush aside mental health problems and tell others to “just get over it.” If you see someone struggling with depression, do not avoid it and expect them to fix it all alone. They need support and love and acceptance and it is up to everyone to show those people that they matter.

“I am emotional to begin with and I have no intention to hide it. There’s a saying, ‘A man only cries three times in his life.’ I was told that when I was little, and I would question back, ‘Why can’t men cry? Aren’t men people too?’“ - Jonghyun

For those struggling with depression and other mental heath issues that provoke suicidal thoughts, don’t believe that you are worthless and that no one cares about you, that the world will go on like nothing even happened if you were to disappear. Jonghyun has showed us that that is not the case and he should live on as an example to those of you struggling with those pesky thoughts that, even if you never met them or have only encountered them a few times, you have impacted someone’s life more than you may ever realize. Remember that and remember him as you move on in life. Jonghyun’s sacrifice will bring change to this world. Do not be another soul who prevents this change from happening. Don’t let yourselves become another statistic. Help end this rising epidemic of suicide amongst young adults and teens, and help end the belief that mental health is not as important as physical health.

“Life is full of chances. Take it lightly.” - Jonghyun

We don’t know what provoked Jonghyun to take his life. It could have been a gradual build of many aspects but in the end, we, the K-pop fanbase, can call for justice. K-pop idols have constantly be mistreated by their companies. We must advocate for this to change and for companies to start caring more for the idols they employ. We must also be careful of the things we say to these idols. Hate is toxic and we do not know what these people are going through. We must support and love them for we never know if they are suffering like our beloved Jonghyun was.

“Is this the reality you want?” - Jonghyun

In regards to SHINee, I believe we should show our support to the members. We must not put blame on them for not knowing or for not preventing what has happened. We must remember that those suffering from depression do not always tell others, even those they are very close to like the SHINee members were to each other. If they decide to not continue as a group we must respect those wishes because it might not be a decision that was made light heartedly. SHINee will always be 5 no matter what, even if they continue as 4.

“For me particularly, when I listen to or make music of the team SHINee, I think that ultimately SHINee is me and I am SHINee.” - Jonghyun

Shawols, don’t let Jonghyun’s passing keep you down forever but do not bottle it in either. Our Jonghyun was never one to hide his tears and neither should we. If it hurts, let it out, but afterwards we must pick ourselves back up again. He would not want us mourning him forever. We must move on and cherish the gifts that he as gifted us. He did not die for us to die with him. We must live on for him and enjoy life and music like he did.

We must also not let his passing prohibit us from expressing our love for him. Whether that is making humorously relatable posts on tumblr or writing fanfiction. We must remember that it is not a sign of disrespect and is rather a method of showing love and care for someone. I myself will continue to ship JongKey because it makes me happy seeing them together. By doing so I do not assume that they were a real couple or that either men are/were gay. It simply brings me happiness to see them together and to know that, romantically or platonically, they loved each other.

“Because Key is my soulmate.” - Jonghyun

Jonghyun, we all will miss you. Your passion for and talent when it came to music was like no other. You will go down in K-pop history as one of the best vocalists to have ever graced this Earth. You are a legend. Everything about you will be remembered and cherished. Know that you were always the number one Appa when it came to Yoogeun and that up in the heavens, you are finally taller than Minho. SHINee’s Bling Bling Jonghyun, watch over us while you’re up there and know that even when up amongst the stars where you are shining so bright, you always shined brighter when you were on stage. Rest in peace our sweet little puppy and dinosaur Oppa. You deserve it.

“Even though we cannot communicate using the same language, we use music instead” - Jonghyun

[shtsgot7says]

(Non-GOT7 Related)

I remember my 12 yr old self stanning SHINee. I remember learning the choreography of Lucifer and Sherlock. I remember reading and making imagines that I was with them. I remember the many things I've done, stanning SHINee. It had been on and off but the feel is there, I never left the fandom.

I remember Jonghyun as the bright person that he is. That's why he was named Bling Bling Jonghyun afterall. It was not the jewelries that did justice for making him always shine on stage, but his personality and his talents. He has fought for the LGBT and women rights. He has helped numerous fans with Mental Health issues and he has composed songs about Mental health. He was one of the greatest vocals ever to graze upon the stage.

Now I remember myself crying so hard yesterday upon receiving the news. At first it did not sink upon me that he's dead; that maybe the news article was just referring to a new k-drama and that he died there but no, how can a bright person suddenly just die? It goes to show that Depression really has no face. You can be happy for today, but tomorrow you'll be planning on different ways on how to kill yourself.

I scrolled through my twitter to find out that everything is true and I just couldn't accept it. I cried until I fell asleep then when I woke up, I cried again. It's better to see articles that says "left the group" rather than "left the world".

Moreover, some sources say that according to Shawols on the hospital that Minho fainted due to exhaustion to too much crying, Taemin laid on the floor sobbing uncontrollably, Kibum locked himself in a room and idk about Jinki but I feel that he's going to take this more seriously than the members because he's the leader. (It's not your fault Lee Jinki, it's nobody's fault. I hope you are not blaming yourself) It is probable that SHINee might disband but if this really happens, let us respect their decision.

He's one of the many examples on how Mental Health should not be disregarded. It is not a phase, a joke nor a trend but a serious illness that needs attention. If you have friends or families who have that, treat them in every way possible because lives matter, YOU MATTER. Or if you have it yourself, we are all here for you. You are not alone in this battle. Talk to those people you feel comfortable with. Also, my inbox is open and feel free to DM me if you want.

Last, I want to take this opportunity to bid farewell to Jonghyun. Condolences to his family and friends. You may be gone from this world, but an angel like you will never be forgotten. You've done great things far more than you've ever imagined. Rest well now in heaven. You are now a star shining brightly in the sky, watching all of us here.

Thank you Jonghyun-ah. We love you and we will miss you.

NOTE: The picture above shows the suicide note left by Jonghyun. It was debated by his family whether they should show this to the public or not but they decided that they should show people how a victim of depression goes through life. "You" in his letter refers to his Inner Demon. (Trans by Dear Nine)

[onthighsbelongtotaemin]

Jongyu. Their kids catch Jongyu eating and drinking Santa's milk and cookies in the middle of the night.

such a cute prompt!  i hope i did it justice (i really liked junghee’s explanation).

word count: 748

Eunsook freezes with a Snickerdoodle inches from her lips while Junghee’s in the middle of swallowing the holiday wreath imprinted glass of milk.

Little 6-year-old Gwiboon stands between her brother and sister with crossed arms and a glower that, if she were grown, would have Eunsook’s blood running cold.  As it is, she can’t help but shudder under the scrutiny.  7-year-old Jonghyun is frowning and 4-year-old Taeyeon looks absolutely heartbroken.  

Eunsook quickly puts the cookie back on the tray decorated with candy canes as Junghee quickly places the half-empty glass back down on the table and wipes at her lips.  They look at each other and turn to their children preparing to explain this ultimate of betrayals. 

Gwiboon’s mouth is opening, beating them to the punch and Eunsook braces herself for the rebuke her feistiest child is about to heap on herself and her partner.  Just then, little Taeyeon bursts into tears and runs toward her, wrapping her arms that are too short as much around both she and Junghee as she can.

“Mama!  Mommy!  That’s stealing!  You’re going to get in trouble!”  Tears quickly dampen the flannel Christmas Even pajamas Eunsook’s wearing, and she looks over at Junghee in surprise and panic.  Junghee’s eyes mirror her own and then, in unison, they look over at their other two children. 

If Eunsook thought Gwiboon and Jonghyun were angry before she was very, very wrong.  Now her oldest two are furious, absolutely seething at the sight of their baby sister in wracking sobs.  If she weren’t in such a panic, Eunsook might find the situation hilarious considering that not three hours ago the two were in hysterics terrorizing Taeyeon by making her believe that there were bugs in her stocking.  That’s the way of siblings though; no one else is allowed to make them cry but each other.

“Mama,” Gwiboon says through gritted teeth.  “Explain.”

Eunsook grimaces at the severity of her daughter’s tone as she picks Taeyeon up and holds her tight against her chest.  She rubs her hand up and down her youngest’s back and looks over at her partner nervously.

“Well,” she begins, “you know how there was a Santa Claus at the mall when we went to visit Grandpa Jinki?”

“Yes,” Gwiboon answers sharply.

And then there was another, different one at the store when he and Grandma Minjung took us all to get ice cream?”

Yes.”  There’s a sliver of hesitation in her answer this time and Eunsook looks over to Junghee who nods slowly.

Right.  And remember the other one?  When Uncle Minho took us to the movies and there was that long line and Taeyeon fell asleep?”

Like right now?” Jonghyun asks.  Eunsook looks down and sure enough, her youngest’s eyes are closed and her mouth slightly opened.  Junghee chuckles.

“Yes, like now.”

“So?” Gwiboon interrupts.

“Well,” Eunsook takes over, “that’s a lot of helpers, right?  Santa Claus needs a lot of helpers.  And he needs parents to help him too.  Like with gift wrapping, and stocking stuffing, and-”

“Cookie eating?  Really mama?”  Gwiboon’s eyes narrow again but it’s late and she’s beginning to blink heavily between glares.  Now that Taeyeon’s asleep, Jonghyun seems less interested in being angry and more interested in joining in.

“Can kids be helpers too?” he asks in his most grown-up voice.  Eunsook stifles a smile while Junghee nods thoughtfully.

“I think you’re old enough now.”  She picks up a cookie and breaks it in half before offering it to her son.  Jonghyun’s eyes light up and he hurries over to grab the treat. 

Gwiboon’s arms fall to her sides and she groans loudly in exasperation.

“How does eating Santa’s cookies help?!”

“It spreads the magic of Christmas, Gwi,” Junghee says quickly, offering the other half of the cookie.  “Kids always have the magic of Christmas but the adults need the extra help so Santa lets them have their cookie and milk every Christmas Eve.  Now, do you want some cookie or do you just want to go back to bed?”  Gwiboon glowers and blinks, rocking back on her heels and almost losing her balance.

“Fine,” she mutters before storming towards her mother.  She takes the cookie and turns away, eating in silence. 

Eunsook runs her hand through Taeyeon’s hair and watches Jonghyun plead softly for more “magic cookie” from Junghee with the widest eyes he can muster.  A few minutes later Gwiboon begrudgingly makes a similar argument and together they finish off the glass of milk.