#I hope Xion is eating Sea salt ice cream with Roxas and Lea right now

[blowingoffsteam2]

His treasured best friend 😭😭😭 x

[beanie-on-a-string]

to those people and places I can never go to

So I wanted to get back into the swing of writing and all, and ended up writing this thing about Kairi and Lea immediately after the events of Kingdom Hearts 3. I absolutely loved their friendship and wished they had shown more of it in the game. So, here’s this thing no one asked for...

The past few days on Destiny Islands had been perfect. Sounds of laughter and chatter resounded from the beach. After everyone gathered for the celebration, they figured it wouldn’t hurt to stay on the islands for a little bit. It was just the right amount of hot so that it wouldn’t be stifling, and the ocean was just the right temperature to wade in at any time of the day.

Kairi let the waves lap at her feet as she watched Lea – sorry, Axel - all but drag Isa into the water, the latter halfheartedly protesting as the former flicked water droplets at Isa and teased him, telling him not to ‘die in my arms a second time’. Roxas and Xion were not too far off, giggling as they floated on their backs, each one trying to outlast the other. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around, already knowing who it was.

“Riku,” she said, smiling softly at one of her oldest friends.

He smiled a similar smile in return, hiking up his pants a little as he stepped beside her, letting the ocean run over his feet like she was. The sunset framed his head like a halo, coloring his silver hair shades of pink and orange.

“Beautiful day, huh?” she said, moving a little closer to Riku and nudging his arm. Barely swaying at the contact, he hummed in agreement. There was a sentence left hanging in the air between them that was left unsaid.

it would be better if Sora were here

Kairi leaned a little against the taller boy, who wrapped his arm around her shoulder.  They stayed that way for a while, watching Mickey and Minnie exchanging soft smiles as they talked on the dock, watching Namine drawing them from inconspicuous glances over her sketchbook, watching Axel complaining about his now drenched hair as Isa held back laughter, watching Xion wade over to Roxas to show him a pretty seashell she had found.

A loud quack of irritation startled them both. They turned around to see Donald being held back by Goofy as he squawked about how Ventus ruined his sand statue yet again. The accused stood by the crime scene, flying disc in hand, cheeks pink as Aqua and Terra stifled giggles behind him.

“Oh,” Riku said after a moment, posture a little straighter as if he remembered something. “Ventus and I were playing around with Axel’s discs earlier. Want to join? It’s fun.”

“That’s sweet, Riku, but perhaps tomorrow.” She gave a small apologetic smile.

“Alright, then,” he said, then added, “Everything okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

A little more silence, filled with more questions and answers left unsaid. “Well, I’m going to go back to them, alright?” He raised his eyebrows in an ‘is this okay?’ motion. Kairi nodded, lips quirking up in another smile. He squeezed her shoulder lightly, and then he was gone.

Most everyone had headed back by now, having either gone back to their respective houses or whoever’s house they were staying at for the time being. Kairi stayed behind, the wet sand between her toes feeling more like hardening cement. She didn’t move from her spot by the waves for a while, letting the ocean pull the sand from under her feet over and over. She stepped away when the sun was barely peeking out over the ocean, the sky slowly deepening from its dark orange to something of a dark lavender. She didn’t know where her feet took her from there, exactly, but she wound up at the large, crooked paopu tree she spent so much of her time looking out at their small world on. She stared at it for a moment, then reached out and pushed herself onto the tree, swinging her legs over the thick trunk and sitting down. She watched the sunset for a while, right hand sitting expectantly on the rough surface, like it wanted a hand to hold. His hand to hold.

His name hadn’t left her mind since the Keyblade Graveyard. It was always on her tongue; to the point where she would catch herself almost saying his name instead of what she really intended to say. Often times after that, she’d forget what it was, anyway, and would dismiss herself with a little ‘nothing’ or ‘I forgot’.

She gave a sad, halfhearted smile to the empty space next to her. She thought she had seen him here, with her, a few days ago. She felt the weight of his hand on hers. Maybe he was there. She’d like to believe he was. She’d like to believe he’d appear again. Maybe it was all some sick dream, and he’d show up behind her like nothing ever happened. She squeezed her eyes shut in a desperate attempt to wake up, if she could.

She opened them. Same lavender sky, same waves, same salty air, same lack of a certain someone. Her chest hurt where Xehanort had run her through only a few days earlier. She bowed her head and shut her eyes again, a futile effort to hold back the tears falling down her face and making dark spots on her dress.

“Sora,” she choked out between her sobs. She hid her face in her hands, although there was no one to see her cry.

It could have been a minute, or it could have been an hour, but however long it was, she jumped and a quiet shocked noise escaped her mouth when she heard a twig snap from behind her. She hastily wiped her tears (trying to make it seem like she was rubbing her nose) and turned around.

“Axel.” She looked up at the fiery-haired figure standing behind her. “You’re still here.”

“Oh no, I’d left a while ago,” he said, his ever-present nonchalant air apparent in his speech. “I just came back out since I never saw you head in. I think Riku may have noticed too, but I don’t know if he said anything.” He took a few steps towards the tree, but stopped as a weak ray of sunset shone on her face.

“Oh… kid, were you crying?” He rested both hands on the trunk and leaned forward, concern written plainly on his face.

“It’s nothing. Just… something in my eyes.” Kairi knew he wouldn’t believe that for a second.

“I wonder where I’ve heard that before,” Axel replied simply, but no menace in his voice. Kairi mentally cringed. I knew he wouldn’t buy it. She furrowed her brows and looked down.

“Can I…” Axel gestured to the empty space beside her.

no not there

“Sure,” she replied, scooting over a bit so he could sit down. Her heart gave a barely felt twinge as he shifted on the bark.

Neither of them said anything as the sun sunk below the horizon. Eventually, she felt a light tap on her shoulder, and was met with a blue ice cream bar and the strong smell of sea salt and vanilla filling her nose.

“That’d better not have been in your pocket this time,” she said, a small smile tugging at her lips as she took the ice cream. Her eyes were still damp, yes, but she was already feeling better with Axel around.

“Picky,” he teased as he produced an ice cream for himself. “Everyone forgets that I wrap them after I make ‘em. And besides, I was holding them in my hand. Not my pocket.”

Kairi bit off the corner of her bar. Axel followed suit, and opened his mouth to speak.

“Ah.” Kairi lifted a finger, eyebrows raised. Axel squinted in a mock glare, then swallowed the ice cream, rolling his eyes at her a little. She giggled, thinking back to how she’d always have to remind Sora not to speak with his mouth full.

Sor-

“You know, for a while, I used to not like these,” Axel said, gesturing to the ice cream with his free hand. “When I was a Nobody, anyway. I would eat them all the time – you know, with Isa – when I was younger. But when I was a Nobody, I don’t think I ate any more of this until Roxas came along. I don’t know why, but he wanted ice cream. So I went out to get some, and, remembering how much I used to eat it, I chose the sea-salt. When I tasted it for the first time – well, not really the first time, but you get my idea – it tasted awful. I didn’t know why I used to be so fond of it.” He cringed, as if he were reliving the memory. “I got used to it, though, eventually. I think I ended up getting the recipe myself, somehow.”

Kairi hummed in response, looking at Axel, red hair looking aflame under the fading rays of the sun.

“I didn’t tell you before, but… I like your outfit,” Kairi said, lightly touching the sleeve of Axel’s shirt.

He looked down at it as if he hadn’t realized he was even wearing it, then chuckled in a decidedly Axel-esque way, nudging her lightly. “Thanks, kid. You don’t look so bad yourself, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Kairi replied, nudging him back. The sky was in that odd transition phase between purple and blue, and right now, it was the color of Sora’s eyes. Kairi smiled at the sky, but it was pained and just brought yet another round of tears to her eyes. She ducked her head quickly, hoping Axel didn’t see. Obviously, he did.

“I know you miss him,” Axel said quietly, tentatively placing a hand on her back. Kairi nodded, too choked up to say anything back. “I’m not happy about it either,” he continued. “Didn’t expect it to happen, you know? Kid had a knack for surviving.”

Kairi nodded again, although she didn’t quite know what she was nodding at. She spoke, voice so quiet she could have been talking to herself. “Sora and I shared a paopu fruit here.” Axel raised his eyebrows in question. “Legends say that when two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They’ll remain a part of each others’ lives, no matter what.” She swiped at her eyes. “When you miss someone, they’re everywhere. They’re in everything you see. It’s unbearable.”

“Yeah,” Axel said. Kairi looked up at him a little, wiping a tear from her chin. He looked vulnerable, just like he did that day when they were training in their little corner of time. “It was the same with Roxas and Xion. It felt like a part of me was missing. A large part. We had spent so much time together, and then… they weren’t. They just weren’t there anymore. While we were training, there were times when I looked at you… and Xion was all I could see.” Kairi could see Axel’s cheeks glistening, although it didn’t seem like he had realized it himself. “It hurt. It hurt so bad.”

“Axel,” Kairi said softly, placing a hand on his arm. He jolted, like he had forgotten she was there. His grip on his half-eaten ice cream stick - which had gotten so tight the wood seemed like it was going to choke – loosened, and he touched his cheek, staring at the tears that came away with his hand.

“Guess we both need those markings under our eyes, huh?” He joked, the delivery halfhearted. Kairi laughed, the sound coming out wet and a little pained. He inched a bit closer to her, his hand moving from the middle of her back to wrapping around her in a one-armed hug.

“You must be cold,” he said simply after a quiet sniff.

“I’m not anymore,” she said, curling up on the branch and leaning into his arm. They stayed that way as the sky turned from its odd blue to indigo, from indigo to navy, from navy to a star-littered sea of black.

By now, Kairi felt herself drifting off. She didn’t know if Axel had already done that – he was lying back on where the tree bent, his shape curving with the trunk. Kairi was still curled up by him, head resting on his legs. The moonlight was illuminating his face and hair in strange ways, making him look almost alien, but not unpleasant.

Her eyes fluttered. She was going to fall asleep soon enough. “Axel?” She murmured, voice impossibly quiet. No reply. “Axel?” She tried again. “Lea?”

After a moment, a barely audible reply of “Kairi?” came drifting back.

Kairi smiled sadly at the sound, then curled into herself further, finally closing her eyes. “Thank you.”

xxx

[nadziejastar]

The Icing on the Cake

The wayfinder trio’s story arc was handled pretty well in KH3. The main concept of their relationship was their unbreakable connection, which was connected to the stars. They would look up at the stars, thinking of each other. No matter where they went, they would always find their way back to each other. 

The stars meant a lot to the wayfinder trio because no matter where they were, they were always underneath the same stars.

And Terra told Aqua that she was always lighting his way back. Their reunion had a lot of thematic resonance. It felt like it was planned many years in advance. That’s what made their story well-written.

Axel’s main priority in KH3 was bringing Roxas back, but it didn’t really have much thematic resonance, if you ask me. The entire concept of Axel’s character was “memory”. Got it memorized? Like with the stars, Axel is very nostalgic about the sunset, due to his memories of the past. 

And Axel’s relationship with Roxas in KH3 didn’t really tie into this theme that well. His relationship with Ventus actually had a lot more thematic resonance.

But the story dropped the ball hard on that one. Lea recognized Ventus as Roxas, and was hoping that Ventus recognized him as Axel. But...he didn’t. Lea was visibly disappointed. This would have been the perfect time for them to have a heartfelt reunion. But the scene had almost no impact at all because Lea and Ventus were practically strangers, despite their relationship having so much thematic significance. In the end, their meeting was pretty pointless.

Lea’s reunion with Roxas was saved for the final battle. But the scene didn’t feel like it belonged there. It didn’t resonate with the themes of Lea’s character arc. It had nothing to do with “memory”. Unlike Ventus and Aqua’s reunion with Terra, the Keyblade Graveyard didn’t feel like it was planned to be the place for Lea to reunite with Roxas. Compared to the wayfinder trio, the sea-salt trio’s reunion was awkward, out of place, and poorly written.

On the other hand, Lea’s fight with Isa did tie into this concept of “memory”. Isa was possessed, and it seemed like he forgot about his friendship with Lea a long time ago. Their final battle was all about how they never forgot each other. The Keyblade Graveyard felt like it was supposed to be about Lea’s reunion with Isa, not Roxas and Xion.

Everything about Lea and Isa’s relationship revolved around the theme of “memory”. In Birth by Sleep, there is an extremely happy and innocent song called Eternal Moments. It only plays during the scene where Ventus meets Lea and Isa. It’s pretty much Lea’s theme. It also plays a few times during KH3. 

The song that plays during most of the sea-salt ice cream moments in 358/2 Days is called At Dusk, I Will Think of You… It’s basically a more melancholy version of “Eternal Moments”. It’s pretty much Axel’s theme in the game. Axel was always, ALWAYS wishing to go back to the past. Sea-salt ice cream and the sunset always reminded him of that. To Axel, the sunset was his star, and ice cream was his wayfinder.

The first chapter of the Days manga was called “The Ice Cream That Started It All”. 

At the end of the chapter, Roxas started remembering things after Axel took him out for ice cream. 

The sun sank lower and lower as Axel watched, his mind wandering. If he stared for too long, the image would burn itself into his eyes, visible even after his eyes were closed. A phantom sun. Someone had once told him why sunsets were red… Who was that?

Roxas was eating ice cream with Axel when he brought up his first week. Ice cream = memories. Axel remembered the reason why the sunset was red on this day.

In KH2, one of the early chapters is called “Sea-Salt Ice Cream”.

It starts off with the kids eating ice cream. Pence calls it a simple pleasure before he wonders if they will always be together, which Hayner says is impossible. 

Simple pleasures are experiences that are brief, positive, emerge in everyday settings, and are accessible to most people at little or no cost. 

It’s like the saying “the best things in life are free”. Kinda cheesy, like something off a fortune cookie. But it’s still a nice message.

Roxas: I could have done that blindfolded.

Axel: Ha ha! I dunno if I want a blindfolded zombie on the loose. All right, smart aleck, you did good. And no successful mission is complete without a little icing on the cake. C'mon.

On their mission together, when Roxas acts self-aware for the first time, Axel gave sea-salt ice cream to him as a reward for working hard.

In KH2, the kids were broke. But they worked really hard to save up enough money to go to the beach. Of course, the money was stolen so they never got to go. 

They had to settle for the simple pleasure of eating ice cream together. And they were fine with that.

The trip to the beach was all about creating memories, since they couldn’t be together forever.

The message is, it’s not the cost of the trip that was valuable, it’s the memories they created together. 

Eating ice cream is cheap. It isn’t exactly as exciting as going to the beach, but it doesn’t have to be. The memories of the people you’re eating it with are more important. That’s why Axel stole a lot of Hayner’s dialogue in Days. It was all about the theme of “memories”.

"C'mon, C'mon, stop by and try some! It's a sweet and salty mysterious ice cream!"

“What’s that?” Lea ran up to check it out.

“Hullo, there, laddie. Would you like one?” 

“I’m…guessing they aren’t free?” Lea asked, jamming a hand into his pocket. 

Scrooge hopped up and yelled, “Of course not! Are ye daft?!” 

When Lea was a kid, he didn’t have a lot of money, either. He was even hoping the ice cream Scrooge was offering was free.

For a little bit, Lea was deep in thought. Scrooge held the ice cream in his hands. "Then I'll have one....no, two!" “Thank ye kindly!” 

Lea paid the munny, took the two ice popsicles from Scrooge, and handed one to Isa.

He was broke, but he still bought Isa an ice cream, too. There’s a reason I think the localization used the term “icing on the cake” for Axel’s sea-salt ice cream ritual.

"It's cold....." Isa mumbled, nibbling at the ice cream. "Whaddya mean, it's ice cream so of course it is, got it memorized?" ".....moreover, it's salty." "But sweet!" As Lea went on, Isa smiled just a bit. It's rare to see Isa smile. But, well, friendship means eating ice cream together, talking about stupid things, and laughing like this.

Icing on the cake is defined as an attractive but inessential addition or enhancement. It’s the not the main attraction. It’s just something extra that makes a good thing even better.

“Why, look at that, you’re a winner! Congratulations!” 

“‘Congratulations’…?” It was a new word to Roxas. Was that what he’d won? 

“You get another ice cream, on the house,” she told him. 

“Um, how much?” He didn’t know what “on the house” meant, either. But he had heard that one could get things in exchange for munny or for hearts. 

“No, no, it’s free. You won! Have you got a friend you’d like to treat?”

A WINNER stick gives you a free ice cream. It literally costs nothing. It’s the epitome of a simple pleasure.

Day 357: To My Best Friend

Author: Axel

Roxas left. It’s so like him to just leave that WINNER ice cream stick behind. Come tomorrow, I’ll probably get the order to hunt him down, but leaving that here makes it feel so permanent. I wish the three of us—three? No. That the two of us could share some ice cream again someday. That’s what it is to be friends.

My impression was that Isa was the type of person who didn’t care what activity he was doing. The ice cream was just extra—the icing on the cake. It was nice, but it wasn’t even necessary.

“Precisely, Roxas. That is no ordinary rose. To him, at least, it seems to hold more value than all the castle’s riches.”

As long he spent time with Lea, that was all that mattered. It didn’t matter if they were broke or not. Day 193 is even called “Memories”. And Axel brings up eating ice cream. To him, that’s what it meant to be best friends.

“So, okay, say you don’t need a heart for things to be important to you… Maybe the closest thing we Nobodies have is our pasts. It’s the memories that give things value.”

“Memories…,” Roxas mumbled at his lap. “Well, I don’t remember my past, so I guess that explains it.” 

Axel pondered that for a few seconds before suggesting, “What about your present, though?” 

Roxas looked up. Somehow, he hadn’t expected to hear that from Axel. “Huh?” 

“You’ve got your memories since you joined up with the Organization, right? There must be something special to you there.” 

“I dunno…” Memories…? Roxas didn’t have any from when he was human. But he did remember his time with the Organization so far.

My theory is that Isa was Subject X. He had amnesia after Lea reunited with him in Twilight Town. They were going to start over and create a new life and new memories together. Since Isa had no memories of his past, Lea wanted them to do something memorable together, so he thought of going to the beach. 

Other than being told today’s mission, I didn’t really do anything yesterday. Maybe in reality it’d even be okay to have called it a day off. A holiday…

“Didn’t get to go in the end,” muttered Axel, and he got up.

Today I have to destroy Roxas. I cannot betray the organization.

From the little shelf at his bedside, Axel took a white envelope, and looked at it vaguely for a while. Putting it in his pocket, Axel got up off the bed and left the room.

They probably didn’t get to stay in Twilight Town that long, though. Probably just 7 days, if I had to guess. They never got to go to the beach. Probably didn’t have the munny.

Axel thrust his hand into his pocket, and took out the white envelope.

The memories of me and Roxas haven’t faded away. For now, that’s just fine.

“…Really feel like some ice cream,” Axel muttered, watching the sunset absently.

We were always together with the sunset. We talked about all kinds of things in that place. I think it’d be good if we could talk and eat ice cream there again someday. Now, there’s nothing but that. I only hope for that.

The setting sun was shining on Axel.

They spent quality time in Twilight Town, but then they realized they weren’t even safe there. They had nowhere to run from Xehanort. 

He didn’t really understand the “icing” part, except that it was ice cream. Like Winner, though, it meant something special. So when Axel came back, Roxas would use the freebie and get him some “icing.”

They were out of time, so they decided to commit suicide together. Isa was grateful for the memories Lea was able to give him, even if the were just simple pleasures like ice cream. 

That meant a lot to Lea. He said that inside people’s memories, he could live forever. 

So, as long as they remembered each other, they’d never be apart. They promised to see each other again in the next life.

Everything about Lea and Isa had thematic resonance, even if KH3 dropped the ball on them badly. It felt like Lea’s entire character arc for the whole Xehanort Saga revolved around his past with Isa. Everything he did with Roxas and Xion involved his past with Isa.

I can’t really think of anything about Roxas and Axel’s relationship in KH3 that had thematic resonance. He just showed up out of nowhere and barely even interacted with Axel afterwards. It really felt like their reunion during the final battle wasn’t planned very far in advance and had very little thought put into it; like it was just shoehorned in at the last minute. Lea’s reunion with Ventus felt like it had more planning and thought put into it.

Roxas and Axel barely even acknowledge each other after Roxas comes back. The moment where Isa treats Lea to an ice cream on the clock tower had waaaay more thematic significance than any moment between Lea and Roxas. It felt like that moment was being built up for a long, long time. Practically the entire Xehanort Saga. It was the equivalent of Terra telling Aqua she was always there lighting his way back. Lea and Roxas don’t get a special moment like this.

[axel-fics]

can you please write something involving lea with a s/o who has never kissed anyone before?

So I wrote this as an Axel fic when he and the reader were both still in the Organization, completely forgetting that it’s for Lea. Hope that’s okay!

Lucky Spin

“[Y/N]! Come play with us!”

You were passing by the Gray Room of the Organization’s castle on your way to the kitchen to grab something to eat. Demyx had called you over to the coffee table with a bottle in the center. The small group, consisting of Demyx, Luxord, Roxas, Xion and Axel sat down on the surrounding couches with snacks and drinks for everyone to share. 

“What’s that?”

“Spin the Bottle! Ever play it before?” Demyx asked, slinging an arm around your shoulder. You shook your head ‘no’ shyly and started to blush. 

“I think I’ll sit this one out, but thanks for asking,” you said politely and removed Demyx’s arm off of you. 

“Awww, c’mon [Y/N]! Relax and live a little! We all know each other, so no need to get bashful!”

Truth was, that’s why you were worried in the first place. You’ve never been kissed before, not since you joined the Organization and especially not when you were fully human. It was a secret you’ve kept close and you sure as hell didn’t want anyone to find out, especially Axel. Yeah, you were told that being a Nobody meant that you couldn’t feel any emotions, but there was something about Axel that made you question that whole theory Xemnas preached to you. Some may argue that what you were “feeling” were just the memories of what it felt like to have a heart. In any case, you were hardcore crushing on the fiery red head, and you wanted to save yourself from any major embarrassments. 

“Please join us, [Y/N]! Don’t make me the only girl playing,” Xion laughed. 

“What about Larxene?”

“Oh, she said this game wasn’t her “style”, whatever that means. I just think it’s an excuse not to hang out with us.” Xion shrugged and patted the seat cushion next to her, silently asking you again to join. 

Sighing, you sat down on the couch softly next to her and everyone cheered. You hid your face behind your hair, avoiding everyone’s eyes. “Maybe a few quick rounds won’t hurt,” you thought. “I might not even get picked. Just watch for five minutes and leave. Easy. You can do this.”

“Alrighty, let’s get started! Who wants to go first?” Demyx asked. There was an awkward pause that lasted a little longer than anyone would have wanted. “Yeesh, don’t all jump at once, guys.”

“I’ll go,” Xion said. She leaned forward and spun the bottle, watching as it slowly came to a stop and landed on Roxas. The two of them looked up at each other in somewhat surprise and started blushing. 

“I mean, it’s about time you guys kissed so just do us all a favor and get on with it,” Axel smirked. You looked over at him and noticed he was watching you intently the entire time. He winked at you, and you started to feel your cheeks redden. 

Roxas and Xion took their time, slowly adjusting themselves on the couch before leaning in. Their lips met in a soft, quick kiss; the rest of the group (except you) whistled and clapped. When they parted, Roxas softly took a hold of Xion’s hand and continued to hold it throughout the rest of the game. 

“Who’s next??” Demyx said excitedly. 

“I say we make it interesting: whoever spun the bottle last has to pick the next player,” Luxord said. 

“Ooooh, I like that! Okay, Xion. Who’s it gonna be?” 

Xion thought for a moment, looking around the circle to each person. “I pick…Axel!” 

Axel huffed, extending his arm towards the bottle and gave it a light spin. The bottle slowed down almost too quickly before pointing at the next player: you. 

It took you a moment to register what just happened. Staring wide eyed at the bottle, it finally clicked that it meant you had to kiss Axel. Your first kiss was going to be with Axel. Oh.

“Alright, [Y/N] and Axel! Let’s see some fireworks!” Demyx clapped. 

You felt the heat rush up to your face way too fast and started feeling dizzy. Axel hadn’t moved from his spot on the couch yet, but watched you as your face burned as red as his hair. Your eyes locked for a moment before you started to internally panic. “This is too much pressure. I can’t do this. I can’t—”

“I’m sorry,” you said and abruptly stood up before running out of the common room. You began heading towards the long corridor of the sleeping quarters, making a b-line right to your room. Slamming the door behind you, you sat down on your bed with your head in your hands trying to calm yourself down. A soft knock on your door pulled you out of your thoughts. 

“[Y/N]? Can I come in?” It was Axel. As if you weren’t embarrassed enough already. You didn’t respond, not trusting your voice to sound steady, and watched as Axel slowly opened the door and closed it behind him. 

“Well… that was interesting,” he said and scratched the back of his head. 

“I’m sorry, Axel. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Nah, you didn’t. It just wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. I mean, it is just a game after all.”

Just a game. Great, now you knew that he didn’t have any feelings for you in return. 

“It’s not that. I just… never mind.” You brought your knees up close to you and buried your head in them, hiding your face. 

“You can tell me anything, [Y/N]. You know that, right?” Axel walked over and sat next to you. “Or, if you’d rather not, it’s fine too. Not gonna force you or anything.”

You felt guilty leaving him hanging, especially after your great escape from the common room. Taking a deep breath, you lowered your legs and stared at your hands. “I’ve just… I’ve never been kissed before, okay?”

“Ever?” Axel asked. 

“No. I didn’t want anyone knowing, especially you. I really didn’t want to play at first, but I figured I could get away with not being chosen. It’s not exactly how I pictured my first kiss happening, so I wanted to avoid it.”

“Wait, go back a second. What did you mean by ‘especially me’”? Axel raised an eyebrow. 

“Because… I like you Axel. A lot. I know we’re not supposed to feel anything being Nobodies and all, but I still feel something with you. I have for a while.”

“How long, exactly?”

“Since the first time you took me to get ice cream and watch the sunset…” you bowed your head low in embarrassment. Not only did you confess you’ve never been kissed, but now you told your crush how you feel. Tonight was a disaster… 

Axel hummed softly. “Well, I should probably tell you then that I’ve been feeling the same way, too. Actually, a little bit longer than you have to be honest.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah. I first started feeling differently about you during our first mission together. When we went to Agrabah, remember? It was about a week after you first joined the Organization, and you were still getting used to fighting the Heartless. You tripped over a rug while fighting a few shadows and crashed into a merchant stand, breaking almost everything the guy was selling!”

You started to laugh, shaking your head. “I was so embarrassed! And that merchant was so angry with me, he wanted me to buy everything I broke!”

“We gave him all the Munny we had on us that day. I think we still owe him a bit more to completely pay off that debt,” he laughed. 

“Seriously, that’s when you started having feelings for me? Of all things?”

“Haha, yep! You’re an adorable klutz, [Y/N].” Axel ruffled your hair as the two of you kept laughing. Once you both caught your breath, he placed a hand on your cheek, bringing your face close to his. The heat in your face started to return, but this time it wasn’t from panic or embarrassment. Axel felt the same way you did, and now you finally knew that. No more wondering or wishing: this was actually real. Your lips finally met his for a soft, quick kiss before Axel leaned back in to kiss you again with more passion. He was intoxicating; the softness of his lips, the sweet taste of sea-salt ice cream on his breath, his tongue occasionally sweeping into the mix. If you had a heart, this is where it would explode. 

Pulling back a little, you both allowed your eyes to flutter open. Axel smiled softly and placed his forehead on yours. “So, is that how you pictured your first kiss?”

“Nope, that was better than anything I’ve imagined.”

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Shrinking Violet

Summary: The first SoKai story I wrote after beating Kingdom Hearts III, where Sora doesn't fade away and everything is happy. And Sora and Kairi are officially together... but still super innocent and not thinking about anything sexual at all and are fine just holding hands and stuff, and figuring out how to balance this new relationship with everything else in their lives now.

Kairi's PoV

Sora squeezed Kairi's hand tighter—as the two of them sat on the paopu tree, and breathed a long sigh of relief after the awful adventure they'd just been on.

Kairi hated that she'd once again been used to hurt Sora... That that man from her nightmares—because of the experiments he'd performed on her when she was a child, before throwing her into space—had killed her twice, and then Sora had nearly died trying to save her.

It made Kairi sick to her stomach, that she'd told Sora he was safe with her—and he had been once (him, and the others through their connection), as she'd kept his existence from fading away completely—and yet it had all still ended up this way.

She knew Sora didn't care in the slightest, or her friends… that they were just happy to have her back, to have them both back, and that's what Kairi tried to focus on now.

Right now, Kairi saw Roxas and Xion debating with Lea and Isa on whether or not sea salt ice cream that fell into the sand was still good... She noticed Pence inspecting Donald's perfect mud castle, that the duck had just erected, as he tried to decide if the mud on Destiny Islands with a Wonder in and of itself. And she caught Riku watching Naminé drawing a hat into her sketchbook, and trying to magically get it appear to protect her hair from the wind.

Kairi smiled at all these displays—and even more that were still going on—and was about to ask Sora if he wanted to go down there where they were at, and swim in the water.

Usually, Kairi avoided the water. But she thought there was enough reason to celebrate today, that she wouldn't really mind getting salt water in her eyes.

But before she could even dream of uttering the words, Sora completely caught the redhead off-guard: "I love you, Kairi."

And she was so much in shock by this confession, that she almost fell backwards onto the island behind her.

And the part of the princess' brain that wasn't reeling, wondered if this was how Sora had felt when she'd sprung the paopu thing on him so suddenly.

"…Sora, I love you, too. Of course I do." But Kairi's words were a lot more calculated than Sora's had been, and she was ashamed for it.

For Kairi knew that she and Sora were in love... but he had a tone to his words, that almost seemed to hint of marriage. And Kairi wasn't quite sure they were ready for even a promise ring yet. They were still only fifteen.

But Sora had changed… and become a bit more desperate with his feelings for her after she'd died that second time—and even a bit before that—Kairi could tell.

And if Kairi was being honest with herself... So had her own feelings become much more desperate, when she hadn't been able to sense him after the Demon Tide and had hoped against hope that her greatest of loves was alright.

Just imagining again, what it had been like without Sora in that moment—and without Riku, Lea, Donald, Goofy, Aqua, and everyone else... but Sora in particular—was nearly enough to make Kairi blackout.

So overcome with her own need now, Kairi reached her hand out and held Sora's face in between her palms.

And then—much more slowly and gently than she'd moved to get here—Kairi placed her lips to Sora's, and let her mouth dance with his as if it was their last night on Earth.

It wasn't a perfect kiss—it wouldn't be, as no one's first one was—as Kairi bumped Sora's nose a few times; and Sora moved away from her whenever he though Kairi's face against the stubble on his chin: clearly thinking it was hurting her—but it was theirs, and that's what made it superb.

And the two lovebirds broke apart only, when they heard everyone giving them a round of applause and whistling.

Kairi and Sora blushed beet red, as they remembered everyone around them and finally started acting proper again.

…Though Kairi was a bit irritated about the interruption, and she could tell Sora felt the same way.

"Shall we go read our friends the Riot Act?" Kairi questioned, grabbing onto Sora's hand as she began leading him down the bridge.

"Please do," Sora agreed, with a slight smirk on his face. But much like her own words, Kairi could tell what her boyfriend said held no real weight.

And instead, Sora began watching in amazement—just when Kairi did—Aqua toasting chestnuts over an open fire.

"You guys want any?" the mage asked, when she noticed the items had caught the couple's eyes. "Terra and Ven have missed my cooking, as it turns out. I'd much rather do some baking, to be honest... but Terra really only likes nuts. So what's a girl to do?"

Truth be told, Kairi was a bit hungry... but she knew if she said yes, Sora—who clearly also wanted some—would let her have the only silverware here to eat, as he went home to get more utensils for himself and everyone else. And not wanting to be away from Sora for even a second, Kairi declined.

"Thank you so much, Aqua... But I'm actually really tired. And I think I'm going to go home and go to bed."

For at least that way, if she had to be separated from Sora… she'd still be with him in her dreams.

But surprisingly, Sora had an even better idea:

"And I'm gonna go with her, Aqua. Riku and I always had sleepovers with Kairi when we were little, so I doubt Kairi's mom Mihoshi will mind if we do the same thing now. But you guys have fun camping out! And I'll see you tomorrow... Oh, Riku. Do you wanna come?"

Sora asked the last, when Kairi and he caught up to him and Mickey trying to figure out if he could do Starkeeper type flips via a water ski.

Riku smiled—clearly glad that they wanted him around more than they wanted alone time, Kairi could see, but she also immediately knew he was going to refuse.

And he did.

"Nah. Xion wants to talk to me about something: Probably about me bequeathing her her own Keyblade, since even now she wants to make sure her identity is her own."

And as those words washed over her, Kairi pondered if Xion had gotten that from her:

Because so often she wanted to stand on her own two feet... but she always came back to thinking she was the shadow of Sora and Riku. And that was why she'd been afraid to even try and escape the Castle That Never Was, until Naminé had told her to believe in herself.

And maybe, in some ways, Riku still needed to believe in himself, too. Which was why Kairi sought to reach to the heart of the issue, as she let her heart do the talking. "If you change your mind, Riku, please do come. You know where to find us." And she made sure to take Riku's hand in hers—the way that she had when she'd helped Sora to see through his disguise-so he understood that no matter what, it was the three of them against the world.

Soon after that—when Sora and Kairi had gotten more than enough hugs from Riku, Donald, Goofy, Roxas, Xion, and Naminé—they were piling into Sora's boat, and rowing back to the Main Island together.

As as they did, Kairi eventually found herself thinking about the upcoming situation. "I'm sure Dad will let you borrow some pajamas, Sora. It's the least he can do after you saved the multiverse again, I mean."

Sora looked like he was about to say something to this… but maybe in not having the right words, he didn't speak what he'd clearly meant to.

"…I can just stop at the moogle shop and get something to sleep in there, Kai."

But Kairi was already cutting Sora off—as she stopped paddling, for they'd reached their destination—when she began climbing onto the dock just above her. "Sora, that's silly. And a colossal waste of money. If you don't want to wear my dad's, who's closer to your size, than wear my brother Ryke's…"

Sora must have thought that was a better idea—because when they were in Kairi's home and she was clothed in her own nightgown, Sora came into her kitchen dressed from head to toe and yelled "Tada!"

"Sora, you sound like Ven," Kairi giggled, grabbing the belt around his waist and pulling him to where she'd got cereal out for them. "And via the sleep mask, you have your eyes covered up like Riku did a year ago. Really?!"

And seeming somewhat abashed by that—Sora took the eye covers off without much wait, whilst he stammered: "B-b-by the way, Kairi. You saved the world, too, and you should know that."

So this was what he'd wanted to mention earlier. And it sort of figured, that Kairi's lazy bum would get up the courage to say it only when he was lacking it elsewhere: in wearing the sleep mask, like he truly wanted to. But Kairi wouldn't have had it any other way.

"Th-thank you," Kairi replied—feeling gooseflesh begin to develop on her skin, since she was humiliated in thinking she hadn't done too well in the Keyblade War at all… but appreciating Sora's heart all the same.

She ended up looking at the purple walls of the room they were in—with its orange polka-a-dots for some kind of comfort—but it only served to make Kairi even more embarrassed, since her family clearly sucked at interior design.

"Umm, but about the cereal, Sora. Forgive it for being popcorn-esque—which is weird in milk, I know—but I'm figuring my mom doesn't have any real popcorn, and is planning to soon use this to string on the Christmas tre-"

"Kairi... We- we kissed… Are we going to talk about it, and what it means for us?"

And to say that Kairi wanted to drown herself in the milk in her bowl here would have been an understatement.

Sheesh. Since when had Sora become so confident about this stuff, and she so shy?

But Kairi answered, anyway—even though she found herself becoming the Shrinking Violet she'd been when Sora said she made him strong in the light—because above all else… she wanted to talk to him about this.

"What do you think, Sora? We're going to manage to still spend time with Riku... and figure out who our new friends are, like we both want. But moreover... we'll see what it means to be soulmates at such a young age. I mean… after everything we've gone through to be together now, how could we not?"

And at first, Kairi didn't think Sora was going to react at all.

But then he went into Kairi's kitchen cabinet—pulled out two wine glasses, and then some sparkling grape juice from the fridge—and assured her: "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"...Me neither, Sora. I love you."

And Kairi clinked her glass against Sora's, and leaned her head against his until the moment they both slumped down on the floor and fell asleep.

The cereal, much like their desire for Aqua's chestnuts, completely forgotten.

And yet even without either amazing food, life was good.

[squiishiichaos]

The Right Way to Share a Paopu

Got a bit carried away by @novallion‘s Scala Headcanons and may or may not have written a little something...

Hope you enjoy! <3

Scala looked different this time.   More serene, perhaps?  

Roxas wasn’t sure, but there was something about the school this time that hadn’t been there the hundred other times he’d returned from a mission.  

The distant bells that always sounded so eerie in the past rang gentle in his ears on each warm breeze that swept through the loose strands of his hair, and the normally nauseating scent of the inlet down the bank from him soothed his tense nerves like the refreshing taste of sea salt ice cream sweet on his tongue.  With the sun still high enough in the sky to not yet pepper ominous reds and purples across the bruised horizon, it was quite possibly the first time he’d returned to the Islands without the blink of mocking red eyes to guide him.   It was certainly the first time he’d made it more than ten seconds without a single contender finding him tip-toeing through these normally thriving fields, ready for yet another losing battle.

Maybe that’s it… He thought with a calm exhale.   Completely alone in this tiny stretch of the world, Oblivion and Oathkeeper were—for once—safe and sound in the sheath of his heart. Content to just stay there so long as no threats divided his attention between the many wards thrumming painfully in his ears and the command of battle boiled into his blood.   Without the pull of their contesting powers draining at his energy, he felt…alive.  

Real.

A laugh managed its way through his lips for the first time since he left.   Soft as the keychains chiming in the distant towers and bright as the afternoon sun.   Another followed shortly after, then another—until he found himself unable to stop the chortles from stealing his breath with every teary-eyed inhale.  Felt the tug of a cheek-burning smile split his lips with a cheer he didn’t know he had left.

Finally, he thought with a fist bunched tight over his pounding heart, I’m home…

Home.   He tasted that word in his head again.   Swirled it around and felt the warmth it crackled together in his chest.   Let that sensation of belonging somewhere settle right next to the fluttering trickle of anxious energy that yearned to see everyone and everything.  To put away the jingling set of keys hooked to his waist in the tower beside all the other Masters’ and no longer feel the burden of Oblivion and Oathkeeper weighing heavy on his mind.   To no longer need the damned coat siting heavy on his shoulders or the resistances it offered.

In fact—he quickly slid the black gloves off his hands and shoved them into his pockets before undoing the zipper down his front and letting the heavy material slide off his shoulders with a solid thud.  One heavy exhale departed his lips as he felt the humid breeze off the sea brush through the thin cotton of his black tank top. Over all the scars and bruises left from a life spent constantly at war, inside and out.

With a shiver, he accepted the cold of a coming evening with a fond gaze out over the polished white steeples of the school hovering off in the distance.  Already, he could hear the excited holler of students finishing classes for the day amidst the crow of teachers barking homework and assignments over the growing chatter.   Could see the flicker of keyblades flashing into existence only to sizzle away within the void of corridors back and forth between the various islands.  The splash of potions and ethers cracking open over the sparring grounds where all the Apprentices kept hope alive in blasts of magic bright enough to shine like little worlds themselves.

Is Scala always this beautiful? Roxas wondered, taking a step closer to the teeming courtyards of the school.   Had there always been so many flowers blossomed beneath his feet—painted in this many colors?  

He couldn’t remember.  

How couldn’t he remember?  

The words—I’m sorry—sat heavy on the tip of his tongue with a bitterness that left all the warmth in his chest depleting against the chilling bite of the cooled winds.   But he refused to say them—not this time.  Not when they could actually mean something now.  Something besides another heartless goodbye or worthless excuse.

Instead, he steeled himself with a deep breath and took a couple hesitant steps closer to the front gates of the Academy.  They were some of the hardest battles he’d ever fought in his life.  So much harder than the scores of Heartless he had mowed down just two nights ago in the desert sands of Agrabah.  So much denser than the throng of Nobodies he’d spent two whole weeks clearing out of the darkest depths of Atlantis.   A challenge he had spent so many days and nights running from that the very idea of looking at it now—facing it now—made him rethink his entire strategy of returning in the first place.

No more running away, he told himself with all the confidence he could muster. Folded it into his fists at his sides and kept trudging forward with all the strength he could gather.  

He made it a sum total of three steps before his eyes betrayed him and focused, instead, on movement amongst the many tall flowers.   Felt Oblivion threaten its way into his grips, and willed it away when he saw that familiar crest peak out at him from within blades of emerald green

A chuckle tugged a grin across his lips as the Flood—Shaded a bright magenta pink—practically vibrated with a nervous energy that had Roxas unable to stop a fond coo from departing his lips.   It shook under his breath of acknowledgement, skittering a couple inches closer with the apprehensive blink of eyes filled with far more sadness than something so sweet and innocent should ever harbor.  

From within the shadows of its tiny body, it drew forth a small brick of chocolate, holding it out in an offer that set Roxas’s heart galloping.

Another coo fell from his lips as the Blonde shrunk down into a crouch and accepted the offered treat in one hand before lifting the creature gently in his other.   He carelessly threw the offering into his mouth and nearly melted where he stood. As it was, it took all his strength not to puddle into his weak knees at the rich flavor that coasted over his tongue, accented at the very end by the dust of just the right amount of salt and hint of sugar to have warmth flooding through him with twice the strength it had just moments before.  

Of course it’d be my favorite flavor, he thought with a heavenly sigh, unable to keep his fingers from petting over the flood in affection.  It purred up at him, sinking into his palm as he scratched beneath its chin with a light chuckle.   Filled with a breath of confidence, he brought the little creature up to his lips and pressed a light kiss to its forehead with a slight nuzzle of admiration.

The Flood softened to a rose pink—a color and emotion that even Roxas couldn’t quite identify, but it made him somehow even more flattered than the chocolate.   “Did you miss me, Uno?  I certainly missed you.”

Uno blinked up at him silently, still vibrating like an unsteady heart.  It gave the subtlest nod of its head, but it was more than enough for Roxas’s heart to bleed out to the small creature.   “Well, you won’t have to miss me anymore, okay?  I think…” A laugh exhaled from his nose as he dropped his voice into a loving whisper, “I think I’m here to stay this time.”

Roxas laughed aloud as the little creature darted out of his palm and landed with a scratch of claws on his chest.  Another giggle and a chuckled hey fell off his tongue while it scurried up his torso and whipped around his shoulder.   A coo wrestled itself out of him when the little Flood nuzzled its whole weight against his cheek before slipping under his chin and settling against his other ear with another light and quiet purr.  

Roxas gently stroked his fingers over its curled shadows as he continued, “and I have a little something to commemorate my return, but I need your help again.  Think you can do me this one little favor?”   The Flood didn’t even hesitate to nod.  God, it made his heart ache. “Alright well, I still have this,” he reminded it, reaching into his pants pocket and retrieving a familiar pastry box.   Opening the lid for the first time in weeks, he relished in the scent of bitter sweet fruit that filtered up from the delicate treat folded together in his hands.

Taking a corner of the tart, he broke off a piece of the golden dessert and offered it to Uno with a grin.  “Here, bring this piece to Sora and then bring a few of your pals back to me, okay?”   The Flood sniffed at the piece for one quick second before blinking at him and disappearing in a void from his shoulder.

Once more alone in his little corner of the world, Roxas began to rip off pieces of the Paopu tart for each of his remaining friends.   He set aside three for Xion, Lea and Isa; another three for Aqua, Terra, and Ventus, and then two more for Kairi and Namine. He begrudgingly tore off a small chunk for Riku and placed it into a far corner by itself.  

After separating each of the remaining bites to another section of the small case, he was left with only one larger—untouched—chunk to divide.

Just as he began to work out how to break it up, Uno returned to his shoulder in another cold void of swirling energy.  Behind it, several red eyes blinked to life in the several magenta shaded Unversed that made his arms their new perch.  He offered each and every one a smile before gesturing to the box in his hand with a flick of his finger against its side.

“Alright, guys!  I need each of you to take one of these pieces to my remaining friends! They better get to them, too, okay? No eating them along the way! Promise?”  He placed a finger to Uno’s nose and chuckled when it gently pressed its forehead back in acceptance of his terms.    

But before it could void off to find any more of his friends, Roxas stopped it with a light scratch at its chin.   It gently nuzzled into his cheek as he whispered, “I need you to do me one more favor, Uno.    There’s someone else who needs a taste of this.   I bet you can guess who, right?”  With another tap to its nose, the Flood shaded that unfamiliar rose pink and gave a hearty nod of its head before scurrying off his arm and dashing down to the ground.  Roxas screamed after it, “bring him back to me, Uno!  I believe in you!”

When he looked back at the final chunk of paopu tart that remained, he decided with a sigh, guess I’ll just have to split it once he gets here…if he does.  Despite the somber note of loneliness that always came when the Unversed left him—by choice or not—he couldn’t help another light chuckle.

Finally, he thought, I’m actually…home…

  ~0~0~0~0~0~

              “What?!” Vanitas barked at the little rose shaded Flood practically dragging him to his hill.   “What is the hurry?  Where are you taking me?  Why are you that fucking color?!”  

           Needless to say, Vanitas was…

           Confused.  Confused was a good word.  

Imagine his surprise when the little abomination leading him along to his favorite hill ported into his bakery right in the middle of whipping together a mean batch of Red Island specials and all but ushered him out of his sanctum with all the strength its tiny body could muster.   It was bad enough he couldn’t fucking identify why the little shit was currently the sad color of Aqua’s favorite high-end Rosé, but nothing topped being out in these student infested grounds without actually knowing why he was even here.    

And the little shit was not helping to clear up any of these annoying mysteries.  “Are you ever going to tell me why you dragged me away from a perfectly good batch of cookies?”

“Hey, be nice to your Unversed!” Vanitas stopped mid-step and groaned into the evening air.  

Of course.  Of fucking course that’s why he was dragged here.   Why else would one of his own minions escort him across the grounds if it wasn’t for the one—the only—Roxas?   How hadn’t he sniffed this plot out from half a mile away?

He was getting soft—that was the only explanation, unless Blondie here had a better one to light up his fucking day.   “Whatever.  What the hell are you doing here?”

“Watching the sunset—what else?”  Like it was the most obvious thing in the world.   Granted, there really was no better area to watch the sunset than this spot right here.   Standing at the edge of the sea—right where Roxas had his toes inching dangerously close to the incoming waves—was the only place in Scala one could appreciate the true depths the sun plunged into the world below theirs.  Where a person could simultaneously feel high-tide inching up the bank, as if displaced by the golden light shimmering off blocks of white stone miles below, and also enjoy the first rays of silver moonlight from behind clouds of indigo and violet.     It was also the only place dark enough out in this lamp of perpetual light that offered a venue to stare into glowing crimson eyes and beyond to the many glittering worlds hiding behind the shining wards of the Castle.

It was…a sight, surely, but that was never what Roxas came for.  Not his—

He caught himself with a sharp glare at the traitor now buried in Roxas’s lap.  He still wasn’t sure what that color was—what it meant—but it was starting to irk him.  He could feel the itch to destroy something bubbling up in his veins; could feel his annoyance blossoming as yet another—less friendly—Unversed somewhere on the school grounds.  Felt the electricity of his strength flaring into a big enough force he could get the fuck out of whatever this was before he was tamed by whatever fucking spell had his minions curled up to the goddamn Traveler like a motherfucking cat.

But the more of it that trickled out, the more obvious his tension became, and the harder it was to hide.   To just jump into the many shadowed corners of the School and disappear.  Especially now, when those cerulean blue eyes looked like a tsunami just waiting to come crashing onto his golden shores.   Contrasted by the coming dark of night, they were somehow still so remarkably blue that he wondered—not for the first time—how anyone could fear the darkness with such a sharp sword on their side.  

Yet, even with all that light reflecting back at him, the echoes of a storm ricocheted in the glare the Blonde shot him.  It was so familiar in so many fucking ways, but it was also unique in a way Ventus’s and Sora’s never were.   It carried a weight in it that was more feral, than anything.   An instinct that went for the throat and didn’t let go until his target was silenced once and for all.   Even now, when there was no one around to protect. No heartless to fight.  No nobodies to kill.

It was just the two of them—and honestly?  

Vanitas was scared.  

He couldn’t stay here any longer.

He needed to go.

To leave.

To find a nice, lonely little hole where he could sit and just—“Vanitas, wait!”

He jerked back before Roxas could even touch him, stumbling back a few steps in blind fury.  Harsh words settled at the tip of his tongue, but he made the mistake of looking up.   Of peering into wide sapphire pools and seeing the fear and longing that reflected there.  The regret. It reminded him of so many times before. All the times before.  

Of nights lying on this very spot—together—in the quiet of a somber night.  Sharing scars and emotional battles while watching distant worlds blink in and out of sight with every dragging hour that passed.  Of being so close he could smell the sweetness of sugary syrup lingering on Roxas’s lips atop the metallic aftertaste of blood long since shed.   Of being so distant even warmth could hardly travel between them, even when they were pressed side by side.  

Recalled so many sleepless nights watching the exhausted Blonde fight sleep for his sake, only to lose the fight with his head balanced precariously on his shoulder, arms bunched between them and huddled in that goddamn coat.  So many early mornings that came before the sun could dare rise and peppered by the furious rush to regain lost space before anyone could admit how far they had come.    Could see that maybe—just maybe—between the two of them, someone might actually have a heart.

That was ridiculous, of course.   In this bright sea of Somebodies, they were both Nobodies.   Shadows of original, carbon copies who would always be more—do more—than either of them ever could.  

The difference was that Vanitas had accepted that.  Why couldn’t Roxas?

“This is pointless,” he growled out, meeting that steady gaze with a narrowed leer.  “I’m going back—”

“No, Vanitas, please—”

“What?!” He barked, edging up on the Blonde until hardly an inch remained between them.   Close enough that he had to look down his nose to accommodate the couple inches he’d grown on the Blonde these past few years.   Even with that advantage, Roxas still met his muddied glare without a flake of hesitation. “What possible reason could you have to want me around?!”

“Plenty!  Do you want me to list them?”

“Do you have a list?”

Roxas nodded with that same flaming confidence. “I do, actually.  Do you wanna know what it starts with?”

“No.”

“Because you’re the only one who never tried to stop me.  Do you wanna know the second reason?”

“I already told you—”

“Because you were the only one who waited for me.” Vanitas’s glare darkened.

“That’s bullshit and you know it!”

“Is it?”  The heat had left his voice, leaving a weak shudder in its wake.   “Is it?” His voice cracked with a desperation that had Vanitas reeling back from him in a mix of apprehension and speechless anger.  “Then, where are the rest of them?  Huh?!  Where are they?!”

“Roxas, what are you—”

“Do you remember this?”  The Blonde reached into his pocket and pulled out an all too familiar brown box from its depths.  It looked innocent enough, but he didn’t need the top opened to already know what special secret lay hidden within.   But Roxas still opened it up and showed him the broken-up contents with a heavy frown.  

Vanitas felt his chest seize.  A mix of jealousy and regret pooled in the barren depths of his torso, beating at his ribcage with enough force to almost make him think he might actually have a heart in there.   Seeing such a small piece remaining from the much larger tart he’d originally given the Blonde carved a scar far too deep for his already shattered emotions to take.

But there was no retribution hiding in those big blue eyes.  Just wave after wave of pooling sadness.  “I gave a piece of my heart away to all of my closest friends,” he told him while daring a step closer, “but not a single one of them is here, except you.”

“And what?” His voice was surprisingly soft—almost neutral—despite the turmoil building in his chest.  “Why does it even matter?”

“Because I want to share the final—largest—piece with you.”  His breath hitched and eyes widened.    With…me?

He swallowed the knot in his throat and steeled his eyes into another piercing glare.  “You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t I?”

           “Fuck no—Roxas…” He cut himself off with a moan, turning away from those fucking blue pools so he could think straight for a minute.   Darkness be damned, how did one deal with this?    

You know what you want to do.  

Of course, he did, but it couldn’t be that easy.  It was never that easy.  

Instead, he fell back on the basics.  “Is this because you’re leaving for good this time?  Because I will not—”

“No, Vanitas, I’m here to stay.”

“—be blamed for letting you…what?” That made him turn.  Had gold falling on darkened blue with a disbelief that had him reaching out to touch what he was now sure was a fantasy.  But no—it was real.   He felt the radiance that came off the man before him—knew it better than any other energy on this damn island.   “You’re what?”

“I’m back,” Roxas told him, daring to inch back into his space.  Close enough Vanitas could feel his breath warm against his skin.  “I’m home.”

“And this—” Vanitas asked with a flick to the box still seated in his hand, “—is how you tell me?”  

“What?  Upset I’d give your gift back to you?”  No, I’m upset I wasn’t first on your list.

“I’m not gonna eat something that’s probably already spoiled sour.” Roxas’s lips split with a smile despite his jeer.  

“What, afraid of trying your own baked goods, tough guy?”

Vanitas rolled his eyes.  “Of course not!”

“Then, why not?  Is it because it’s me?”  Something about the look in those eyes—the lingering trace of doubt—softened the tight grip he had on his words.

He admitted, “yes,” and watched that bright smile immediately droop, but he saw Roxas work hard to keep it from turning into a frown.  

Even still, he saw how painful it looked to swallow the knot in his throat to get his next question out.  “Do you…wish it was someone else…?”

“No.”  The word was bit out from between clenched teeth and said with a tightness that did nothing for the seeds of doubt sewn deep into that fragile gaze.   His fists curled painfully at his side, cutting crescents into his palm for blood to trickle slowly out of.  

For once, he doesn’t know what to say.  He always knows what to say. Why is this somehow different?  

He doesn’t know, but it only makes him angrier.  “Look—”

“No, it’s okay.”  It hurts. It hurts.  It fucking hurts—that sound. That voice.   You did that to him, he heard his inner demons croak with glee.  You’re the reason he’s a dam seconds away from overflowing.  “I understand, Vanitas.   Thanks, for meeting me here...”  

He made the mistake of looking up again.  Of plunging into sapphire pools without any spells left to keep breath in his lungs or carry his prone body back to the surface.   Without any harness to keep him afloat, he could do nothing but drown in the hope that remained bright within the navy stroke of night shadowing normally cerulean depths.  Felt it pulling him deeper and deeper into the pain and suffering he saw etched there in every scar they’d given each other over the years.    Toward the wealth of regrets both of them have teetered on since the first time they opened that door and decided two shadows could be the ones who held the fort in the eclipse of darkness.

Vanitas licked his lips and let a sigh out through his nose.   Felt the electricity at his fingers diminish just enough that he could touch the Blonde’s skin without scorching flesh.   Roxas let him—trusted him—with a frown.    But no matter how hard he tried, the words wouldn’t come.

So, he let go and sucked back in a breath with a glance at the lit body of the inlet.  “Guess that’s it, then, right?”  When he heard no reply, he gave an uncaring shrug and turned around on a heel. “Well, good—”

“You know what?  Fuck this.” Vanitas had barely processed the words before a strong hand was on his shoulder and turning him back to glaring oceans of determination.  He opened his mouth to question him—maybe tell him to watch his language—but then choked—literally—on the piece of paopu tart Roxas pressed into his mouth.  

Vanitas’s eyes bulged open as the Blonde threw his arms up in victory and barked a laugh of triumph.    A startled moan was swallowed up as the saccharine taste of paopu mixed with the salty sweet bitterness of pastry dough, filling that empty spot in his chest with a warmth he’d never felt before.  It had a smile threatening at his lips for the first time in years, refusing to leave even as he fought to brush it off with a roll of his eyes.   It was made further impossible when he watched Roxas share the most pitiful high-five with the rose-pink Unversed before coming back to him like a puppy back to its master.

The Blonde made the mistake of showing him the last little sliver of Paopu that remained stark against the dark cardboard, just waiting for the trouble Vanitas had in mind for it.    His lips split into an impish grin as he sneered up at Roxas and calmly folded his arms across his chest.

“You know, can’t say I like it.   I think that’s the last one I’ll ever make.”  The Blonde Keyblader pouted—actually pouted—with a light jab to his arm.  

“You asshole, you know you’re gonna have to make more, right?  I already shared a piece of it with Sora and you know he’s gonna—”

“Hey, Roxas.”

“—Be begging you to…” Cerulean blinked up to mischievous gold with a confused furrow.  “Wha—”   Flashing forward, an afterimage remained where he once stood, a benign-enough shadow smirking in triumph.  It was enough of a distraction for Roxas to gape and frantically look up to try and find his real body.  

From behind him, Vanitas grabbed at his shoulder and turned the Blonde with a jerk, earning himself a startled hey—before he shoved the final piece of tart between his lips and toward the back of his throat.    

He barked his own laugh of triumph whilst Roxas coughed and hacked on the pastry.    His Unversed shot him a harsh glare as it scrambled over and lightly patted the Blonde on his foot.  The Blonde held up a hand to reassure it and gulped down the rest of his gift with a forced swallow.  

Letting out a heavy breath, he glared up at Vanitas from his stance doubled over and panting.  “Seriously?!  That is not how you share a paopu fruit, you asshat!”

“What?  You’re the expert now?”

“Well, yeah!” Roxas challenged, though there was no fire behind his words.  “I’ve had to listen to Sora moan and groan about the legend for literal years now!”

“And he’s definitely the leading authority on all things mythological.”

“Really?  Really?!  Is sarcasm the only response you can muster after almost killing me?!”

Vanitas grinned with a shrug. “That’s what you get.”

“For wanting to be friends with you?!”  Roxas stifled a chuckle and worked hard to keep a grin off his lips.  “Is it too late to take that tart back?”

“Only if you want it as an Unversed.”  The Blonde actually thought about that for one long moment before narrowing a glare on him and releasing a breath through his nose.

“As…tempting as that sounds…friends is better.”

“Friends is—”

“ROXAS!!!” Vanitas took a knowing step back as blue eyes widened in horror.  A dark snicker fell off his lips just a second before Sora crashed into Roxas with a wide smile, tackling him to the ground.  

Vanitas watched with a truly impish grin as Roxas struggled to pry the brunet off while fending off cuddles from his other. 

Making a scene of ignoring that cerulean plea for help, he couldn’t help a light chuckle.  Friends…I think I can live with that.

[nadziejastar]

The Beach

Was it a dream? Or something else? It felt like she had watched the sunset with the ocean in her ears before, alongside someone else.

Just as she was now on the clock tower, listening to the sound of the waves in a seashell with Roxas.

In the manga, Axel got a WINNER stick before he went to Castle Oblivion. Xion’s seashell represented memories of the sea and the sound of the waves. For Axel, I think the WINNER stick was the same. It represented his and Isa’s promise to go to the beach and have a vacation together.

Day 357: To My Best Friend

Author: Axel

Roxas left. It's so like him to just leave that WINNER ice cream stick behind. Come tomorrow, I'll probably get the order to hunt him down, but leaving that here makes it feel so permanent. I wish the three of us—three? No. That the two of us could share some ice cream again someday. That's what it is to be friends.

And this is why it was so important that Isa was there at the beach in the KH3 ending. That ending for him was planned loooong in advance. He wasn’t supposed to feel out of place like he did. The beach was Sora, Riku, and Kairi’s special place. Destiny Island was important to Terra, Aqua, and Ventus, too. Roxas promised to go to the beach with Hayner’s group, but never got the chance. Roxas, Axel, and Xion never got to go. 

My head is buzzing, I can’t pull myself together. I couldn’t really sleep.

From his bed, Axel stared blankly at the ceiling. It wasn’t necessary for Nobodies to have a human-like lifestyle, but rest was necessary.

Other than being told today’s mission, I didn’t really do anything yesterday. Maybe in reality it’d even be okay to have called it a day off. A holiday…

“Didn’t get to go in the end,” muttered Axel, and he got up.

Today I have to destroy Roxas. I cannot betray the organization.

From the little shelf at his bedside, Axel took a white envelope, and looked at it vaguely for a while. Putting it in his pocket, Axel got up off the bed and left the room.

A short while after Axel had entered the room, Saïx still hadn’t said a word. As he typed away at the keyboard, working, the pallid light radiating from the monitor gleamed on the already pale Saïx.

Lea and Isa promised to go to the beach but never got to go, either. That’s why the WINNER stick was even more sentimental to Axel for his memories of Isa than even his memories of Roxas. You’d think that Axel was sad about not getting to go to the beach with Roxas here. 

Roxas dragged her body up. “You’re feeling unwell again, aren’t you?” he said worriedly, his panting breaths subsiding.

Xion stayed sitting on the ground. “No… it’s nothing like that,” she answered, hanging her head. Roxas didn’t know what to say, and he just stared at Xion.

“Oh yeah!” Axel suddenly shouted.

“What’s with you, all of a sudden.”

“Next time we get a holiday, how about the three of us go to the beach?” Axel said, smiling.

“…The beach? Where’s this coming from, out of the blue?” Xion asked, still looking down.

“It’d be nice to go have some fun together, wouldn’t it?”

It’s pretty rare for Axel to make a proposal like this. But, I know for sure that Axel is thinking that things with Xion look pretty serious.

Thinking such thoughts, Roxas gave his own bright reply. “You mean, friends spending the holiday together?”

“Yeah, yeah!” Axel said, invitingly.

But since he only brought up going to the beach because of Xion, I'm not even sure if he remembers mentioning the beach to Roxas. Axel was looking at the white envelope and thinking about the beach when he decided to destroy Roxas. Immediately afterwards, he tried to bond with Saïx. I think he was remembering Isa and how he really wanted to go to the beach with him some day. And that regret was something he constantly thought about.

This was Twilight Town. The same place as always, the same town. Not that town. Axel slowly woke up to the dazzling sunset flooding in. He didn’t know how long he’d slept here. He’d succumbed to his injuries, travelled here, and passed out. The one thing he knew was that he’d failed his mission. And that Roxas had - probably returned to Sora. Just that.

Axel sat up, and frowned at the pain running all over his chest. What he’ll do from now - what he should do from now… he didn’t know. He’d failed the mission where he’d been told if he disregarded his orders he’d be destroyed. Disregarding orders and failing a mission were considered the same thing.

But. Axel put his hand in his pocket, and pulled out the white envelope. Roxas’ memories of him hadn’t disappeared. For now, that much was fine.

“…I want an ice cream,” Axel murmured, staring vaguely at the sunset.

We always watched the sunset together. We talked about a lot of things there. I think it’d be nice to eat ice cream and talk about things, once more.

Right now, that was it. That was all he hoped for. The sunset lit up Axel.

At the very end of Roxas’s summer vacation, Axel was looking at the white envelope again, after he lost. Even here, I think he was thinking about Roxas as a way to distract himself from the memories of his childhood that he really wanted to go back to. I think the place he was thinking about was a different special place than the clock tower where he watched the sunset with Roxas.

Axel stared vacantly at the sun sinking into the sea. The never-ending sound of the waves was beginning to grate on him. He was far outside Twilight Town, as far as the trains went, at a deserted beach. It was the same beach Roxas and his friends had meant to visit.

He stood up from the hunk of driftwood he’d perched on and flinched as pain shot through his ribs. “Ouuuch… He could’ve gone a little easier on me…”

Axel still hadn’t quite healed from his fight with Roxas. He sat himself back down on the driftwood, resting his elbows on his knees, and watched the waves rush in and out.

He wasn’t sure what to do yet. He would already be branded a traitor. He hadn’t exactly disobeyed orders…but he had failed to carry them out.

The other members were already suspicious of him as the lone survivor from Castle Oblivion. He couldn’t imagine that it was safe for him to return to the organization.

“Oh man, what do I do…?” He stretched carefully and got up again, his eyes narrowed against the setting sun. It turned the sea red, and the sky. The waves lapped at his feet, getting them wet.

In the KH2 novel, we learn that the place Axel woke up after his fight with Roxas was the beach. And it was the same beach Roxas was planning to go with Hayner’s group, but never got to. Lea probably went to the beach with Isa a lot during their summer vacations as kids. They played frisbee, ate ice cream, and watched the sunset. They laughed and talked about a lot of things there. Axel decided to go to the beach and watch the sunset when he felt like he had nowhere to go anymore.

He’d met Naminé. He’d battled using the Keyblade. He’d fought Axel. And then there was the man swathed in red bandages. And the man in the black cloak.

Kairi, the girl Sora liked. Riku, Sora’s friend. Which parts had he dreamed? He didn’t know. Roxas clambered out of bed and listlessly started to get dressed.

Hayner and Pence and Olette. Those three were his friends, and that was unquestionably real.

So of course he had to go to their haunt—there were only three days of summer vacation left. And they hadn’t been to the beach yet.

Roxas left his room.

The beach scene replaced the scene in KH2FM+ on Sunset Hill. That was where Axel got together with Naminé and said he had no home and nowhere to return to. But there was somewhere he wanted to go and someone he wanted to see. I think his true wish was to go to the beach and see Isa. Just like Roxas wanted to go to the beach and see his friends.

Behind him, Roxas was watching his friends. Two more days of summer vacation. Only two days left for them to be together.

Still, they had those two whole days…

“You were never supposed to exist.”

That’s what Naminé had said to him. He wasn’t supposed to exist? He was Axel’s best friend?

My best friends are Hayner, Pence, and Olette, right?

The clock tower bells rang in their enormous clamor. He could hear a train whistle in the distance. Hayner and the others were chatting and laughing.

And yet…it all felt like something happening far away. Roxas gazed at the low sun, still too bright, and tears sprang to his eyes. Two days left of summer vacation.

Roxas’s trip to the beach was very important in KH2. He made a promise to Hayner to win the Struggle, so they could split the prize money. Then they’d have enough money to go to the beach. The trophy gem was the symbol of Roxas’s promise to his best friend Hayner. It represented his summer vacation and his wish to go to the beach with his friends. He’d hold it up to the sunset.

“Hey, still got it memorized? When we first met, the day you got your name—we watched the sunset from here just like this.”

Roxas gave a tiny nod. He hadn’t thought he would get to have ice cream here with Axel one more time at the end. He hadn’t expected they would get to watch the sunset together.

The sea-salt ice cream tasted just like he remembered. The setting sun over Twilight Town was always so serene. No matter how much misery or pain he was in, the light here was warm and gentle, Roxas thought.

“I’d better go.” He stood up. “Sora is waiting.”

“Oh. Right… You really can taste the sea salt in this, huh?” Axel turned away, his shoulders shaking.

Axel would do the same thing with his ice cream or the stick. He was doing it when he reunited with Roxas and reminisced about the day they met and watched the sunset. Roxas’s biggest source of pain was that his summer vacation ended and that he never got to go to the beach. I think Axel was the same.

Axel flopped down into his own bed, and stared at the ceiling.

“What happened to the report?”

Saïx had appeared there. Axel sat up, and looked at him.

“Not even a word of slight appreciation?”

“I’ve heard that Naminé’s whereabouts have become unclear,” said Saïx, not showing any sign that he had paid any attention to Axel’s teasing words.

In the manga, Axel found a WINNER stick before he went to Castle Oblivion. And this might have brought back even more memories for him. When he got back, he was teasing Saïx about not showing him any appreciation.

Saïx’s appreciation was apparently supposed to be giving Axel a day off to just rest. A personal vacation.

Axel: Hey, get this: they paired me with you today as a "slap on the wrist."

Roxas: What? Why am I a slap on the wrist!?

Axel: Well, they just know how much I loathe babysitting...

Roxas: Oh, thanks!

Axel: Would it kill them to give me a day off? I’m exhausted Look at these bags under my eyes. I need my beauty sleep. Pfft. All right, c'mon, partner.

Axel was still complaining about not getting a day off when he went on his mission with Roxas later that day.

Demyx: Would it kill them to give us a day off now and then?

Demyx brought up wanting a day off on Day 74. What he said was very similar to what Axel said. Roxas and Axel found Xion and finally got ice cream together and officially became friends that day. Roxas decided to work twice as hard for Xion’s sake.

Genie: Anyway, matter of fact, carpet and me were on a well-deserved vacation. 

And the next day is called “Inseparable”. Aladdin overworked himself all so he wouldn’t have to ask Genie for help and interrupt his vacation. I think Isa did the same thing for Lea as a way to show his appreciation.

Day 96: Friends

Author: Axel

Xion regained her ability to wield the Keyblade. I don't know how or why. Maybe there's more to the Keyblade master they're not telling me about. I feel like I've been spending more time talking to Roxas and Xion lately than my old friend, Saïx. This has to have been what it was like, friendship.

On this day, Roxas and Xion were so grateful to Axel for covering for them. Axel hated it when they thanked them and looked at him so happily. I think Lea took on a very strong enemy for Isa and was nearly a goner. He was so exhausted just wished he could rest.

My first thought on waking up, every time, is that I want to sleep more. Still, it’s not like I haven’t been sleeping, and it’s not like my stamina isn’t recovering. It’s just, it’d be great if I could spend one day relaxing and sleeping, that’s all. My memories from my human time are probably to blame for that.

It’s because he was remembering Isa. He wanted to give Lea what he wished for, which was a vacation.

Day 97: Sooo Bored

Author: Demyx

Every day it's work, work, work. I'm dead bored, and I'd kill for some vacay. A Nobody needs his rest, am I right? And when I get it, it's gonna be nothing but me and my sitar. Sigh...

The very next day, Demyx brought up wanting a vacation again.

Genie: This, from the guy who vanished into thin air the last time we met! Well, anyway... I'm glad to see Al's doing all right. Now I can enjoy the rest of my vacation free of worries!

At first Genie decided to respect Aladdin’s wishes and not help him. But on Day 97, he changed his mind and interrupted his vacation. He couldn’t enjoy it if he was worried about his best friend. I think Lea was the same. He didn’t truly enjoy his vacation because he was too worried about Isa.

The sea… A seashell. To Axel, there was only one person that brought to mind. Sora.

He thought he knew a thing or two about Sora’s memories, scattered as they were by Naminé’s handiwork in Castle Oblivion. You could hardly get away from the sea back where he was from—the Destiny Islands. And that good luck charm, the symbol of Sora’s promise to Kairi… Wasn’t it made of seashells?

Day 117 is called “Secrets” and is where Xion discussed her memories with Axel. She showed him her seashell. Axel knew that Kairi’s good luck charm was made out of shells and represented their promise.

“Hey. Sorry I took so long.”

“You sure did,” Xion told him with a grin, slipping the seashell back in her pocket. “We finished our ice cream ages ago.”

Roxas sat down beside her. “Xigbar cut and run. I had to finish the mission on my own.”

“Sounds like you earned yourself the treat,” said Axel.

Not wasting any more time, Roxas dug in. Axel pocketed the stick from his own ice cream.

“Xigbar is such a jerk!” Roxas complained between bites.

As always, the trio talked about nothing and everything, laughing all the while.

And in the novel, Axel apparently found a WINNER stick that day. It might be why he seemed kind of down and told Xion that his memories never did him any good. He was remembering the vacation he and Isa were going to take together.

“Does going to sleep count?”

“What?! Axel, you wasted your whole day?”

“Hey, I needed the rest! I work hard on the job, unlike some people.”

“It’s not our fault you get tired so quick,” Xion shot back, and the three of them cracked up together.

“Well, back to work tomorrow,” said Axel.

“Yeah,” Xion replied. “I hope we get another day off soon.”

The far-off call of a bird broke through the stillness.

The next day is the actual day off and Axel did nothing but sleep. When Xion mentioned taking another vacation, there was a far off sound of a bird. 

In the manga there are also a lot of scenes with birds, typically when Axel or Xion don’t show up at the clock tower. There were birds when Roxas found the WINNER stick.

And while he was eating sea salt ice cream after working hard.

The legend of the paopu fruit… If two people share one, their destinies will become intertwined. Something like that.

And then Sora noticed that someone else had added to the drawing. He brushed it with his fingertips. Now it showed Kairi’s hand, too, holding a paopu fruit up to  Sora.

After a moment, he turned away and strode toward the mouth of the cave—then broke into a run. Outside, Sora blinked in the dazzling sunlight, then ran to Riku, who was perched on the sideways trunk of a paopu tree.

The sky was blue, and so was the sea. The air was filled with the rush of the waves and the cries of birds. The sun was sinking ever closer to the sea.

I think it was supposed to allude to the beach and the sound of gulls. When Sora finally kept his promise to Kairi, the sound of the birds could be heard. Axel was remembering his past on this day, too. He mentioned his dark secrets, and was remembering how much Saïx had changed. And in the manga he was looking at his ice cream stick.

“Try not to bungle everything while I’m gone,” Axel added.

“Why would we do that?” said Xion.

“Well, considering your track record…”

“Excuse me? Don’t make me come over there!”

At Xion’s mock threats, Roxas lost it.

She turned on him. “Come on, Roxas, back me up…! Pfft.”

But she couldn’t hold back the giggles, either, and then nor could Axel.

I wish it could always be like this, Roxas thought. The three of us laughing together.

Like those three friends here in Twilight Town…

After the vacation, it was right back to work for Axel. He needed to go back to Castle Oblivion and told Roxas and Xion to be careful while he was gone. Xion screwed up, though.

Day 118: Vacation

Today was my first vacation ever. I didn't know what to do with it. Axel said to do what I like, but all I like is having ice cream with my friends—so that's what I ended up doing. Axel leaves tomorrow for some kind of mission. Which reminds me—I still haven't given him the WINNER stick yet.

And I think Isa also screwed up his attempt to give Lea a day off. He was overwhelmed, like Aladdin was with the sandstorms. But since Lea was so exhausted, Isa didn’t want to ask him for help. Lea was in no condition to fight and probably wouldn’t stand a chance. Isa wanted to protect him. Xehanort probably set the situation up on purpose.

Day 118: You Changed, Not Me

Author: Axel

Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It's a weird sensation. I ought to be able to share all this with Saïx, but I just don't feel like it anymore. It's strange, but I'm content with just missing what's gone. I'm not the one who changed. You did.

Genie had to interrupt his vacation to bail Aladdin out, and I think Lea had to do the same for Isa. But Isa had already collapsed.

Day 149: WINNER

Today’s mission took me to a new world. It was a weird place. I was up on the clock tower afterwards when Axel turned up after being away forever. He said he finished that long mission. But this time Xion didn’t show. I was gonna give Axel that WINNER stick, but I should wait until I get another one. It wouldn’t be fair to leave Xion out.

Axel got back from Castle Oblivion on Day 149, called “Unlike Minds”.

Xigbar snorted at him. “How do you see Xion?”

“What do you mean?”

Vague words. A clear will is the only thing of any importance, Saïx was thinking.

Xigbar grinned in reply, and asked Xemnas this time. “It doesn’t matter if you get the meaning. What about you?” Xemnas looked at Xigbar. “Don’t you and me sometimes see eye to eye, as they say?” Xigbar said, shrugging, and Xemnas smiled.

Xigbar said that he and Xemnas saw “eye to eye”. They were of like mind, and that probably made it very easy for Braig to be Norted. His mind didn’t reject Xehanort’s heart. On the other hand, I think Isa and Xehanort were of very unlike minds, so it was a lot more difficult to Nort him. They had to find a way to break him and they needed to exploit his weakness. Then his mind would renounce its sense of self and he could be possessed. Isa mentally broke because he thought he failed to protect Lea.

Axel: Didn't take 'em long to give me more work. Where's my vacation? Sheesh.

The next day is 150 and is called “Fear”. Demyx mentioned wanting a vacation again.

“I mean, when I think of losing you and Xion, or my memories of you…to forget what it’s like to be with my friends… It is scary.” It was like a cold breeze had found its way under his cloak. Roxas shivered. The mere idea made him so afraid.

Afraid…? Scared? What does that mean anyway?

“Fear’s an emotion. It doesn’t exist for us.”

“But…I am feeling it. I’m scared right now.”

Axel and Xion ceasing to exist—the thought was even more frightening to him than his own termination. Roxas didn’t want to dwell on it at all.

Axel looked away into the distance. “Something in you probably does remember what it’s like to be scared. So you think you’re feeling it now.”

This is the day Roxas and Axel discuss fear. Axel seemed to speak from personal experience. I think he couldn’t bear to lose Isa and was remembering how afraid he was when he thought that had happened during his day off. Just before Roxas told Axel he was afraid in the manga, he was holding his ice cream stick up to the sunset.

“I’m sure she’s fine.” The best Axel could offer was empty words of comfort.

Since he was already overthinking things, though, Axel had to wonder if he wasn’t letting Roxas and Xion have too much influence on him. All these “friends” and “promises” were taking over his life. Almost as if he rejected his identity as a Nobody. That would definitely be considered abnormal for a member of Organization XIII.

Like with Roxas’s trophy gem, he held up his ice cream to the sunset after Xion collapsed and Roxas was afraid she’d never wake up. I think he was again remembering his promise to go to the beach with Isa.

Axel gazed out at the sunset, as red as ever. That color still looked the same to him now as it had when he was human. Some things didn’t change even when you became a Nobody.

“I hope Xion wakes up soon…,” Roxas murmured.

That would be nice, Axel thought. If only the three of us could just waste our time talking and laughing together again…

This happened on Day 172 which is called “Sound of the Surf”.

Day 193: Dreams, or Memories?

Author: Xion

I finally wake up, just to pass out again? Why? Because I'm a failure? I dreamt the whole while I was out. It was something nostalgic, but what? Why can't I remember? It could be a key memory from my human life. All I can remember is the sound of waves, gentle, in the distance.

Day 194 “Memories” was a big day. Xion finally woke up, but collapsed again. Axel was pretty scared. He was also extremely angry at Saïx. Roxas was surprised Axel was worried and Axel told him that they were best friends. I think Axel was so upset because he was remembering the day Isa gave him the WINNER stick. Lea was very worried after Isa collapsed on his day off. Saïx knew Xion was going to collapse and made him relive that day.

“Kairi, even if we’re apart, we’re not alone anymore. Right?”

At Sora’s earnest look, she smiled brightly and put her shoulders back. “I can’t help?”

“Well, you’d kind of be in the way.”

“Okay. You win,” she relented and took something out of her pocket. “Take this.”

It was a charm made of thalassa shells, five of them tied together in the shape of a star.

“It’s my lucky charm. So you have to bring it back to me!” she said, teasing a little, leaning over the charm in his hand.

Axel also heard Xion say Sora’s name. He knew she had no memories from her human time and he knew that she was experiencing one of Sora’s memories. It was about him turning into a Heartless. It probably reminded him of the promise they made and Kairi giving Sora the good luck charm. It was one of Sora’s most precious memories and one of the key memories he needed to wake up. 

Demyx: Yaaawn... So, when's our next day off?

Demyx mentioned having a day off again on Day 224, when Xion almost fell off the clock tower. And this is when Axel brought up going to the beach.

Day 224: Xion

Even if Xion is a replica—a puppet—she's still Xion. I understand that in my head, but how do I interact with her now? Riku Replica was just a tool, but I can't just use Xion. No, I was wrong to have just used Riku Replica in the first place. How is a man-made puppet any less worthy than a Nobody that was never meant to exist at all?

They're both ambiguous. Tenuous at best. And she's my friend. Even if neither of us should exist, that doesn't invalidate the bonds we form. Next break we get, I told her we'd all go to the beach. I hope we get the chance. Our little summer vacation. I know if we can get together and laugh about stupid stuff, this nagging doubt will go away.

Axel associated the beach with friendship, just like he did with sea-salt ice cream. Kairi couldn’t really help Sora, but the lucky charm meant they were connected. I think Isa gave Lea the stick for the same reason. He wasn’t able to help him, but Lea promised they could take a real vacation together to cheer him up.

Demyx: Who's ready for a vacation? I'm ready for a vacation.

Axel: Saïx only gives days off when he's in a good mood. Which is never.

The next day both Axel and Demyx brought up having a day off.

Roxas: She's been acting kind of weird lately, don't ya think?

Roxas: Maybe she's not feeling well.

Axel: She'll be okay. Don't stress it.

Roxas: If you say so. Hope we get some more vacation soon. We could all use that trip to the beach.

Axel: Right...

I think after learning that Xion was a replica, Axel had a feeling that they weren’t going to be together for much longer. He suggested going to the beach so they could create some memories while they still had time.

“…Oh, didn’t you hear?” said Axel. “She got sent on a really important mission. Pretty cool, huh?”

The way he said it didn’t quite sound natural. Like maybe he was trying to keep Roxas from worrying.

“Oh…” Roxas sighed. “So when’s she coming back?”

“Well, I guess that depends on how well she does her job, right?”

“Fair enough…” Roxas looked out at the red sky and bit into his ice cream. “I hope we get a day off soon…so the three of us can go to the beach.”

They’d promised her, after all. The last rays of the sun cast him in their brilliant red hues.

Axel couldn’t break the news that Xion ran away to Roxas because he knew how much he was looking forward to the beach.

“Tomorrow, after our missions, let’s look for Xion before we come here.”

“Mm… yes, let’s do that!” Roxas nodded, and stood up like Axel. Then he smiled.

I wonder when the day will come that the three of is will go to the beach… Axel thought suddenly, seeing that smile, and to deny the next thought that floated up, he stared at the sun.

Just like with Isa, Axel knew that they would never get to go.

[nadziejastar]

If both Lea and Isa went through mind control programming how did Axel turn out so well adjusted?

Axel Is A Fucked Up Guy

Ansem the Wise: Xehanort. Foolish apprentice of a foolish man. You have surpassed nothing—only proved how little we both know. We may profess to know the heart, but its essence is beyond our reach.

If you’re asking how a person could be subjected to mind control and still be a good person, and not a total psychopath…well…that’s kind of the mystery of the human condition, no? Polish psychologist Kazimierz Dąbrowski was caught in World War II and endured harsh incarceration in German prison system and later, he and his wife were imprisoned again in Stalin-controlled Poland. He said he could find no theory of psychology that could adequately explain both the lowest and most depraved behavior he saw, as well as the most heroic and highest acts he had witnessed in the war. He dedicated his life to the study of personality development.

Axel: We are just Nobodies who have no one to be, yet we still “are.” But now you can be nothing instead of just being a Nobody. You’re off the hook.

Vexen: No… Please don’t! I don’t want to—

Axel: Goodbye.

But I would actually argue that Axel was NOT well-adjusted, even though a lot of people might have interpreted him to be that way. Not at all. To me, KH3 is the only game that tried to make him seem well-adjusted and “normal”. A cool ice cream bro who breaks the fourth wall. Which I hated. And even then, there’s still plenty of signs that he’s not really recovered from his past.

It seems like a lot of people took Roxas and Xion’s understanding of Axel—a happy-go-lucky big brother—at face value. But it was clear that they didn’t know him at all. He had a very tragic life. He used to be a normal, happy kid and became a lonely, cynical, bitter assassin. He absolutely despised the organization. You could tell that he took great pleasure when he eliminated Vexen. It had nothing to do with some phantom girl he wasn’t sure existed. He said he had “no one to be”.It was very personal. 

Sora: None of that matters! Just put Riku back!

Vexen: Just put him back? The Riku you speak of…has but one fate, to sink into the darkness—and you will share that fate, Sora! If you continue to seek the girl, Naminé, the shackles will tighten, you’ll lose your heart…and end up becoming Marluxia’s pawn!

Personally, I think Axel especially enjoyed killing Vexen when Sora began pleading with him to change Riku back. That would hit really close to home, and must have been a HUGE trigger for him. Whether he was planning to already or not, that was when Vexen needed to die. I also think it’s why he took such a liking to Sora. 

It was Sora’s devotion to Riku that stood out the most to Axel in Castle Oblivion. Even more than his connection to Roxas.Right after Sora and Riku had a fight, Axel has a scene with Naminé.

Axel: Heh heh… I know exactly how you feel. Don’t get your hopes up. Nobodies can’t be somebodies. But think, Naminé. I’m sure there’s SOMETHING you could do…

This is Axel’s quote from the original Chain of Memories.

Axel: Does it hurt, Naminé? Watching your two childhood friends fight all because of you? You have my sympathies. From the heart. But don’t waste your time. We Nobodies can never hope to be somebodies.

And this is his quote from Re:Chain of Memories. He’s a LOT colder to her. And I don’t think it was because he had no heart. I think he was so cold to her because he had begun to develop a heart. Naminé’s the wedge that’s driving two close childhood friends apart. It hit WAY too close to home for Axel. And he truly hated her for it. He was dead serious when he said he had absolutely NO sympathy for her.

Riku: Hmph. Too bad, Sora. You can fight me all you want, but I still won’t remember a thing.

Sora: C'mon, Riku… Let’s quit fighting—let’s go help Naminé.

Riku: Together—right. So like you… …Sora—you’re always trying to worm your way into my heart!

Sora: Hold on! When did I ever do that?

Riku: Hmph, you forgot that, too? You never cared. It never mattered to you!

Sora: You won’t push me away.

He knew how the Riku Replica felt, thinking his friend didn’t care about him. And he knows only too well how Sora felt, trying to “worm his way” into his friend’s heart, only to be coldly rejected. And everything about it disgusted him. Sora is a lot like Lea. It made him remember what it was like to have such a strong bond, and how traumatized he was when he lost it. But Sora refused to take no for an answer. Just like him. But of course, that wasn’t really Riku anyways. Axel knew that. Sora’s friendship will be okay. But Axel’s won’t.

Axel: Is that your shield? Won’t do you any good, I’m afraid.

Axel wanted to save Sora. But he couldn’t have cared less if he killed Naminé. He wouldn’t have batted an eyelash. If anything, he would have been more than happy to do it. He knew she was an innocent young girl who was just an unwilling pawn of the Organization. He didn’t care. It’s so messed up if you think about it. He’d murder a terrified little girl—and he’d do it with a smile on his face. That’s how much he hated anyone who would cause a rift between childhood friends. That’s how devastated he was after the loss of Isa. He has extreme, deep-seated hatred inside of him.

Axel didn’t waste a second grabbing his chakrams. But his body was reluctant somehow.

I don’t want to disappear… But still, it wouldn’t be so bad if I did. Not here.

Axel let out a deep breath and leaped into the air as flames erupted around them.

“…Pathetic!” The Claymore moved to block Axel’s strike, while Saïx himself didn’t even twitch.

This is a pretty overwhelming disadvantage, Axel thought. Well, I knew that before we started fighting. I can’t win against Saïx with my own strength.

Still, he refused to hesitate. He had to force this path open. He wanted…to find hope—the hope that Sora and Riku had.

Saïx gave him a cruel grin. “You will lose everything!” And then the Claymore pierced Axel’s chest.

In my opinion, Axel changed because of Sora and Riku. When he came back from Castle Oblivion, his relationship with Saïx became very strained. Those two reminded him of what he used to have, and it’s unbearable to him that he no longer has it. At the end of KH2, while fighting Saïx, he said that he wanted the hope that Sora and Riku had. He wished that Saïx was just a fake replica the whole time, and that none of the awful things he said were true. The real version had actually gone away to protect him, but he’d show up later, and they could go back to being friends. Hmmm.

Sora: What are you— What ARE you people?!

Axel: Hm… Don’t know. I wonder about that myself.

When Axel saw the way Sora reacted when he killed Vexen, it made him feel ashamed. He realized that “normal” people are horrified by his actions, even when he is acting on their behalf. Sora was furious with Vexen, but even he was appalled by what Axel did.

Sora: After I finish you, he’s next!

Axel: Hmph. Now, Sora. We’ve got more in common than you might think. I’d really rather not fight you… But I can’t dishonor the Organization, now, can I?

Axel: You’re better than I thought you’d be. It was worth saving you after all.

Axel identifies with Sora, but Sora sees him as a monster. Maybe he was relatively well-adjusted compared to some of his fellow Organization members, at least in the morality department. But his “happy-go-lucky big brother” persona was mostly just a facade to cover up a very dysfunctional and wounded person. That was the mask he was comfortable showing outwardly. But it was not his true self.

Day 74: Xion’s Face

Honestly, I never got why Roxas was so crazy about Xion. I know they both joined up around the same time, and they’re both rookies, but how do you get so close to somebody who hides their face all the time? Well, I saw it today. All of a sudden, No. XIV up and takes off…her hood. Xion is a girl, and she looks just like Naminé.

It’s why he acted so strangely when he saw Xion’s face for the first time. He’s looking into the face of the little girl he was willing to murder, who is now asking to be his friend. It freaked him the fuck out. And it made him feel like total shit.

Roxas: When I saw her lying there… I couldn’t stop thinking that she’ll never wake up.

Axel: She will.

Roxas: Saïx called her “broken.”

Axel: Hmm… Well, if it cheers you up, I’m probably a lot more broken than her.

Underneath the mask, was a really fucked up guy who had a LOT of issues. And he KNEW it.

Axel stretched his neck and munched on his ice cream. “You know, I don’t mind disappearing.”

Naminé’s breath caught.

Riku stared at him.

“Roxas is gone. When we bring Kairi here, Naminé will be gone, too. So, same for me,” he said, as if he were discussing the weather, and then punctuated his comment with another bite of sea-salt ice cream.

“We don’t disappear… We’re only reborn,” Naminé murmured, perhaps to herself.

“I’m not like you and Roxas,” Axel said flatly. His hand holding the ice pop stick paused in midair.

“But—but you…” She looked down, clenching her fists.

“It’s because I don’t have a heart,” Axel went on. “I don’t want to disappear, but I’m not upset or sad about it.”

Why was he so convinced that he’s not like Roxas and Naminé? Because he’s not innocent anymore. He’s not going to get a next life because he doesn’t think he deserves one. In his mind, he’s not a good person. He’s done bad things. And he’s poisoned by hatred. I think that’s exactly why he clung to Roxas and Xion so much in the first place, aside from sheer loneliness.

They made him remember who he was before he became so fucked up. But he’d never, EVER tell them some of the things he’s done, or what he’s truly capable of. They’d be horrified and he knows it. He’s always eating ice cream during stressful moments in the novel. Even when he’s literally dying. The shittier he feels, the more he eats. The ice cream is comforting to him because it’s something he used to do in the past with Isa. It reminds him of better days. It’s almost like an addiction. Sea-salt ice cream is viewed as this cute, happy thing. But the reason it is so significant to Axel is because he’s in unbearable pain.

Kairi: So, you gonna try yours on?

Lea: Uh…I dunno. Maybe later.

Kairi: But you always wear the same thing.

Lea: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. This is how you pick me out of a crowd. I make myself easy to remember.

Even in KH3, he won’t take off his old clothes and always stares off into the distance. In my opinion, this has nothing to do with Roxas or Xion. It’s because he’s got baggage. Serious unresolved baggage, connected to his time in the Organization XIII cult. I cannot describe how much I despise the way KH3 downplayed this, and made it seem like his only problem in life was not having Roxas around to hang out with. It felt SO out-of-character to me. Of course he’d want to see Roxas again (who is actually Ventus, IMO). But his entire life doesn’t and shouldn’t revolve around that. He had a life before Roxas and that deserved attention. Isa was the root cause of Lea’s pain.

Axel’s title in the series translates into English as “Flurry of Dancing Flames,” but this doesn’t quite capture the meaning of the original Japanese. The English title implies that Axel himself is fire, but the literal parsing of the Japanese phrase is more like “dancing fire’s wind.”

I think that Axel’s title is about Isa. “Tandava” or dance of destruction, is a divine dance performed by the Hindu god Shiva, where he is infamously depicted surrounded by a circle of flames. It symbolizes the cycles of creation and destruction. Sati grew up devoted to Shiva and spurned the advances of rich kings to the point where she left for a forest to escape the constant proposals. Eventually Shiva consented to make her his bride, and, elated, Sati went to share the news with her father.

Axel: Nothing lasts forever, man. Least of all for a bunch of Nobodies. But you know, we’ll still have each other…even if things change and we can’t do this anymore.

Roxas: Yeah?

Axel: As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?

Roxas: Ha ha, wow, Axel. That sounded ridiculous.

Axel: What? I thought it was pretty deep.

However, upon her father’s expression of his disapproval of her marriage, she immolated herself, praying to one day be reborn as a daughter to a father she could respect. Angered and grief-stricken after learning of Sati’s death, Shiva performed a terrible Tandava. The more Shiva danced, the more destruction arose. Out of grief and sorrow, Shiva carried Sati’s body and roamed around the universe with it, reminiscing of their moments as a couple. It sounds a lot like Axel to me. His relationship with Saïx is akin to carrying a corpse around. Isa’s even got the giant scar on his forehead which literally means “death”.

Eventually, Sati was reborn as Parvati. This time, she was born the daughter of a father whom she could respect; a father who appreciated Shiva ardently. Naturally, she grew up to be a beautiful woman and over time, she grew to love Shiva with her whole heart. Eventually, they married. The two are literally inseparable, as they have a form where they are fused together as one. Their fused form is another symbol of duality. It’s basically the Hindu version of the Red King and White Queen of alchemy.

Another reason I think Axel’s title was about Isa? Well, because that’s what his Mystery Gear weapon was about, too. The Jade Emperor wanted to test the virtue of the hare and his friends. They all gave him food. But the hare had no food except the grass growing in the forest. So he told the Jade Emperor to build a fire, and when the fire was burning, he said “I have nothing to give you to eat but myself!” Then, the hare threw himself into the fire.

Of course, the Jade Emperor caused the fire to go instantly cold so that the hare was not burned, and then revealed his true form. And then he painted the hare’s likeness on the face of the moon for all to see, so that his virtue would be remembered throughout the ages. The rabbit was unharmed and lived happily ever after. In some versions, he actually is taken to the moon and becomes immortal. But the rabbit hasn’t gotten to the moon yet. He doesn’t know that the Isa he remembers is still alive.

Xemnas: There hangs the heart of all hearts–Kingdom Hearts–shining down on us at last. See the countless hearts that have gathered? Hearts full of rage…hate…sadness…and bliss. There, in the sky, hangs the promise of a new world.

In addition to his own abuse, Axel is fucked up because of Isa. He’s angry at what they did to him, and he’s devastated over losing him. He was an emotional wreck, filled with rage, hate, and sadness. His entire arc was building up suspense for the “bliss” part…and then they did a bait-and-switch.

[nadziejastar]

Pence: Do you guys think we’ll always be together like this?

Olette: I sure hope so.

Hayner: Huh? Where did that come from?

Pence: Oh, well, you know. Just thinking out loud.

Hayner: Well, I doubt we can be together forever. But isn’t that what growing up’s all about? What’s important isn’t how often we see each other, but how often we think about each other. Right?

Pence: Get that off a fortune cookie?

That’s easy. The reason I think KH3 did more damage to Axel/Lea than KH2 is that Axel’s attachment to Roxas was glorified in KH3. It was presented like we were supposed to find it endearing and perfectly healthy. But even in KH2, Axel was presented as dysfunctional and more than a little pitiable. He kidnapped Kairi and wanted to turn Sora into a Heartless again, just to see Roxas. None of this was ever meant to be seen as a healthy display of friendship. It was meant to show that Axel was a broken person, with a few screws loose. Roxas cried (through Sora) while saying goodbye to Hayner’s group. But Axel didn’t get a real goodbye scene until the Final Mix version. And even in that scene, Roxas was calm and at peace. Axel was the one who was broken up. Nomura and the writers knew that Axel’s relationship with Roxas was questionable and unhealthy. They wanted to give him interesting development regarding that.

It’s why I personally didn’t start truly loving his character until the arc that was building up to KH3 (Re:CoM, KH2FM, Days, BBS, Coded, 3D) was created. And I developed a new level of appreciation for him after reading the novels. That’s when he became fully humanized to me. And the reason is simple: his tragic backstory. The fact that a grown man was calling two kids his best friends was supposed to be seen as SAD, not something to celebrate. It was a symptom of his arrested development. After reading the novels, it was even more clear to me that Axel was intended to be seen as a maladjusted person. He lost his childhood and is stuck at 15-year-old in a lot of ways. You know how some people have daddy issues? Well, Axel had “best friend issues”.

Wendy: Listen, Peter. I’ve got something to tell you… I want to go home to London.

Peter Pan: What are you talking about? Why would you want to do that? You’d have to turn into a grown-up. Besides, goin’ on adventures is a lot more fun! If you go back to London, you’ll have to leave the nursery. You’ll grow up and we’ll never see each other again!

Wendy: I know, Peter. But… I still want to go home.

Peter Pan: I came to rescue you! And you don’t care if you ever see me again!

Wendy: No, you don’t understand!

Peter Pan: Suit yourself! And while you’re at it, rescue yourself! I’m leaving.

He was extremely damaged because of what happened to his best friend. It caused him to feel hatred and despair. He was stuck in the past, unable to move on from his childhood. Lea and Isa were just two innocent kids. Then one day they are kidnapped, experimented on, forced to join a death cult, and obey every command of the “Superior” under threat of death. Lea’s best friend was subsequently brainwashed, possessed, and branded with a giant scar of death on his face. His personality became unrecognizable. He changed from an innocent kid into a sociopathic robot incapable of feeling friendship or love. Or at least that was heavily implied to be the case before KH3 turned them into “apprentices” (what a crock).

Axel was a sorrowful person. He cared about Roxas and Xion…but he didn’t actually want to be best friends with them the way he wanted to be with Isa. Lea became best friends with Isa when he was a normal, well-adjusted, happy teenager. Axel became best friends with Roxas and Xion because he was a lonely and emotionally broken adult who couldn’t process the trauma he experienced as a kid. Even as a teen, Lea saw Ventus as a stray puppy. Isa and Lea were inseparable. They hung out all summer and did homework together. They ate ice cream and played frisbee. Normal stuff. They were happy. Axel was always fixated on the past. He doesn’t come on many missions with you in Days. But they made DAMN sure that he came with you to Neverland.

“Are you worried about her, too, Axel?”

The question slipped out before he could stop it.

Axel eyed him in mild surprise. “Of course I am.”

But his voice was still oddly low. Running into Saïx had brought out a different side of him—and that side was a little scary.

He wasn’t interested in Roxas romantically. He wasn’t even really obsessed with him. He was a lonely, miserable person, with a best friend-shaped void in his heart. And he was desperate to fill it. He really couldn’t relate to either Roxas or Xion on an adult level. He never expressed his deeper feelings to them. Axel’s relationship with Roxas was a lot more nuanced and realistic than it is made out to be. It had many shades of gray. This is the event that led to Axel calling Roxas and Xion his best friends. Saïx brought out a side of Axel that Roxas found scary.

“You wanna know?” Roxas quietly waited for the answer.

“It’s because you two are my best friends.”

Axel had said before that he didn’t have a best friend, Roxas remembered. But now it’s us…?

“Got it memorized?” A smile played at the corners of Axel’s mouth. “The three of us, we’re inseparable. You’re my best friends.”

Then he’s all smiles. Even Roxas was confused about why he was calling them his “best friends” at that moment. Roxas really didn’t understand Axel and couldn’t tell what he was thinking most of the time. He never shared anything about his past with them. I always found it fascinating that Axel murdered a bunch of people in Castle Oblivion, then came home and hung out with Roxas and Xion. They never saw that dark side of him. Ever. They never knew that Axel was best friends with Saïx as kids. Axel’s talk of being super-duper bestest friends with them was his attempt to cope with the pain of Isa getting Norted. I don’t think the fandom really appreciated this, though. Most people seem to have taken it for granted that he really became genuine best friends with Roxas and Xion, that he wanted nothing more in life than to be with them, and didn’t care about Saïx. But that wasn’t the case at all.

Roxas: I hope we always have each other.

Xion: Yeah…

Axel: What’s gotten into you?

Roxas: I just…want these days to last forever. Hanging out, the ice cream, the sunsets…

Axel: Nothing lasts forever, man. Least of all for a bunch of Nobodies. But you know, we’ll still have each other…even if things change and we can’t do this anymore.

Roxas: Yeah?

Axel: As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?

Roxas: Ha ha, wow, Axel. That sounded ridiculous.

Axel: What? I thought it was pretty deep.

His words to Roxas and Xion were so similar to Hayner’s because their time together was supposed to be impermanent. Things inevitably change. They don’t need to hang out with each other every day for their time to be meaningful. It’s more important that they’d always remember each other.

Axel suddenly broke his silence. “Well, even if things change, we’ll never be apart—”

“—As long as we remember one another,” Xion finished. “Right?”

Axel’s encouragement from ages ago echoed in Roxas’s head.

“Don’t worry, Axel. We’ve got it memorized.” Xion grinned at him.

“Just checking.” Looking at the sunset rather than her, Axel munched his ice cream.

When given the choice to leave with Roxas and Xion or stay, he would have stayed. That’s why he said this to them yet again. What Axel really needed was to heal from his past and be with someone who it was more appropriate for him to spend every day with. He needed to “grow up”, but Roxas and Xion first needed to help him heal and remember how to believe in order for him to do that. He also needed to get his best friend back. That was non-negotiable.

Peter Pan: Are you sure you won’t change your mind?

Wendy: Peter, I’m sorry. But I really want to go home.

Peter Pan: I was afraid of that… Everyone grows up—and grown-ups always forget. First you’ll forget what it feels like to be young, and then you’ll forget about me.

Wendy: How can you say such a thing, Peter? I’ll never, ever forget you.

Peter Pan: Sure, that’s what you think now. But when you try to remember me, the memories will be gone. You’ll forget—little by little, one memory at a time. Once you’re grown up, there won’t be a single memory left.

Sora: Don’t say that. Memories—even important ones—don’t come back to us whenever we want them to. But that doesn’t mean the memories are gone. It’s more like…like they’re sleeping. So when the right thing comes along and wakes the memory up, we can remember it. The memories engraved in our hearts never go away. I’m sure of it.

Lea had a dream of Roxas before he woke up. He was sitting on the clock tower eating ice cream, acting perfectly happy. Just like he always did in Days. “Best friends forever”. But…he’d been lying not only to Roxas, but also to himself. He wasn’t happy during those days spent on the clock tower. He doesn’t even like the taste of sea-salt ice cream anymore. His smile always belied his true feelings. It was to mask the pain that he was running away from.

Silence fell over the room. He paused in his munching to stare hard at Riku, then finally asked, “What is Sora to you?”

The question caught Riku off guard. He groped for words. On the sofa opposite him, Naminé spoke up instead. 

“Sora and Riku are best friends.”

Axel’s eyes crinkled as he remembered his own best friend—the only friend he’d ever had, in fact.

“If your best friend goes away, you’re sad, and if you get to be with them, you’re happy,” Naminé added. “Isn’t that how it is, Axel?”

“…That’s about the size of it.” Axel nodded and sat down on the remaining empty sofa, staring at the sea-salt ice cream he held.

“So you are capable of sincerity,” said Riku.

Axel only shrugged at the jab and finished his ice cream pop.

His sleeping memories of Isa awakened after he went to Castle Oblivion. He knew deep down that he was using his relationship with Roxas as a crutch to stay in Neverland and to not grow up. In KH3D, he knew that unless he dealt with Isa, he’d never move on. So, that’s why I think KH3 had a much more damaging effect on Lea’s character than KH2. By making him just as fixated on Roxas as he was in KH2, and making him totally unconcerned with Isa, you keep Lea in Neverland. He doesn’t grow up or mature. He stays an emotionally stunted man, unable to move beyond the age of 15. His arc was rendered totally pointless. It sent such a juvenile message and ruined his character for me. He was totally dumbed down as a character. I can see why you feel the way you do, especially when Axel/Roxas is the most popular Lea/Axel ship. I feel the way you do about him in KH3. I just don’t think he was supposed to turn out this way.