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leejihoonownsmyheart · 2 years

Text

Car Crash

Genre: Fake dating, enemies to lovers

Tags/Warnings: idol!yn, idol!jihoon, gn!yn but they’re in a group with girls so interpret as you will (also sex), arguing, word count (all together) 35k words :(, Sungsoo exists which is always scary in fics, Jihoon’s kind of shy

Smut warnings: Reader is a bottom, dirty talk, teasing, Jihoon isn’t shy when they’re having sex, top!Jihoon, …mindbreak?, creampie, overstimulation, blowjob, fingering

Part One is here and after the very long wait of ten minutes here is the next part!

Part Two:

“Did you see this article?” You asked. You were lounging on Jihoon’s couch in his studio, just keeping him company while you waited for him to need you again to record the actual song. You two had been working on the demo for a few weeks and you finally had gotten the thumbs up from the company (and a glowing review from Bumzu) so now you two were recording the final version of it that would be on the single. Jihoon was mostly working on messing with what you two had already recorded and messing with the overlays.

“What article?” Jihoon asked. He didn’t look at you but he turned his head slightly in your direction as to indicate that he was listening.

“It’s about how long they think we’ve been together and what they think just started our relationship,” you replied. “We can tell from their adorable dates- chasing each other in the park and giggling over a shared plate of jjajangmyeon that the two are happy to finally be public about your relationship so we can assume that they might have even been together for years.”

Jihoon laughed, now turning his attention fully towards you.

“Together for years, huh?”

“And to think, Jeonghan kept saying we weren’t being convincing enough,” you agreed. “It’s so entertaining to read these. I learn a new thing about our relationship every day.”

Jihoon hummed; amusement still laced in his voice as he turned his attention back to the computer. You continued to read through the articles, trying to figure out what the media liked about you and Jihoon’s “relationship” and what they didn’t.

They had deemed you unabashed in the media. Claiming that you two were so proud of your relationship that the company didn’t dare give you any consequences. You were also praised for what you two were doing by coming forward with your relationship. Now in the ranks with that of Hyuna and Dawn and Momo and Heechul, people thought you two were brave for trying to normalize idols in relationships. It had brought both your groups more popularity overseas.

But you two were also condemned by netizens for being so shameless. Your dates were much too public in their opinions. But there were bound to be haters, you both had known that going in.

“Can you come over here? I want us to record the bridge again.”

You nodded, setting your phone down on the coffee table.

“Heard on that.”

“You’re obsessed with those articles- you know that?”

You glanced over at Jeonghan. He was laying on the shillings of the roof along with you, his arm dangling over the edge. Your eyes flitted back to the stars- the reason you two were up here in the first place, shutting off your phone.

“They’re interesting to read,” you replied. “It kind of sucks, you know? Reading all about this perfect amazing relationship I am in that is defying traditional Korean beliefs and it’s not even real.”

You sat up and pouted.

“I’m a romantic, Jeonghan. Romantics weren’t meant for fake relationships.”

“I guess you should have thought about that before-”

“Before I made a dumb assumption about a good man,” you interrupted, your tone mocking. “Haven’t I suffered enough for my transgressions?”

Jeonghan laughed and propped himself up on his elbows to look at you.

“Jihoon may have forgiven you, but as his friend I have to hold you accountable.”

You pouted and dropped yourself back down on the roof.

“I can’t believe he ever let me be his friend,” you said. “I was awful to him. I don’t deserve his friendship.”

“You don’t,” Jeonghan agreed, making a soft hey leave your mouth. “But I told you once and I’ll tell you once again. He likes you. Of course, he would forgive you.”

“He doesn’t like me,” you argued. “He tolerates me.”

“Wouldn’t you say that Jihoon is a romantic?” Jeonghan asked. You shrugged.

“He certainly comes off as one.”

“Romantics don’t just drop their feelings for someone like that.”

“Jeonghan, he wouldn’t have just dropped his feelings. I was consistently cruel to him. Those feelings died just the way that they should have,” you tried to rationalize. Still, as Jeonghan stared at you from across the roof you knew that he wasn’t convinced.

“Maybe you’re right,” Jeonghan said softly. He shifted next to you, laying down directly beside you so that your shoulders brushed. “I guess we’ll see.”

You two fell in silence again, mostly focused on just looking up at the sky. You wondered idly what Jihoon was doing right now. He was always so cooped up inside, it would probably be nice for him to get out for once, to look at the sky.

“We should probably get off this roof,” you said. “Before someone realizes we’re missing.”

Jeonghan sighed.

“I think we should just stay here for a second,” Jeonghan replied. “Up here things actually make sense.”

You mirrored his sigh.

“Yeah, they do.”

“I ought to punch Sungsoo in the face.”

You glanced up from your pancakes to look up at Chae who was staring at her phone in annoyance. You shot a confused look at Nari who shrugged, and Ai mirrored the action. All three of you looked back at Chae.

“Yeah...” You said hesitantly. ”I mean, none of us really agree with him on what he does-”

“But this?” Chae demanded. She waved her phone wildly as if any of you could see what was on it. “It crosses a line.”

All three of you stared at Chae, not sure what to say. She looked at you suddenly, her face red.

“How on earth does that idiot think you are supposed to promote two songs at one time?”

You blinked, staring at Chae with what you could only imagine to be a stupid expression on your face.

“What?”

“Haven’t you seen the release date for your single with Jihoon?” Chae asked. You shrugged.

“I’ve been trying not to stress about it while we try to choreograph,” you replied.

“It’s the third of November,” Chae replied.

Your eyebrows strewn further in confusion.

“Okay?”

“Wait-” Nari blurted. “I get it now.”

You turned sharply towards her.

“What? What’s the third of November?” You asked.

“That is our mini album debut date.”

You blinked.

“What?” You said, humor laced in her voice. “That can’t be right because that would mean-”

“You’re promoting two songs for one promotional period.”

You stared at Chae.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

You didn’t know what to say.

“Okay,” you finally settled on. All three of your group mates looked at you.

“Okay?” Chae demanded. “What does that mean. You have to do something about this. You have to argue with him about this. Move your debut of the single with Jihoon. Why is he acting like it’s so time sensitive?”

You thought back to when Sungsoo had showed you that article. You read over it in your mind, remembering how it had detailed Jihoon. At the time, you had thought it was harsh. Ridiculously cruel and at the time you had been as anti-Jihoon as it got. Now that you knew him, now that you were friends?

It took just one wrong move for that reporter to decide to release that article. It took one click for someone to ruin Jihoon’s career entirely.

“I’m sure that Sungsoo has his reasons,” you finally said. “How hard can it be to promote two songs during one promotional period?”

“I heard you’re doing something stupid.”

You looked up from the video of you and Jihoon dancing together. You two had finally gotten the final choreography down. Now you just had to practice it, and nitpick it, and make it perfect.

“Something stupid?” You asked. “No, I’m all dry of stupid. I used all my stupid up on hating you.”

Jihoon’s head quirked to the side as he looked at you, the corner of his lip turning up. You looked back down at the video, your face reddening a little. You liked being able to make him smile, much more than you had liked to make him upset.

“Amazingly it seems you have learned to do other stupid things,” Jihoon replied.

You pulled your legs underneath you and looked up at him, leaning back on your hands.

“Yeah?”

“Sungsoo is forcing you to promote our single at the same time as our groups comeback?” Jihoon asked. “That’s stupid.”

“It’s certainly new,” you replied. “And I’m sure it will be tiring but I wouldn’t say stupid.”

“Do you realize that means you will be doing two stages a day for weeks?” Jihoon asked. He shook his head. “No, three stages a day, because you’ll be promoting a b-side for your mini-album won’t you?”

You nodded which just made an expression of frustration cross his face.

“Why are you being so nonchalant about this?” He asked.

“Why not?” You replied with a shrug. “I like to work.”

“I’ve seen your comeback for your group. It’s too high energy, you have all been working on it for months and yet you’re still about ready to collapse after doing it full energy.”

“And?”

“And our dance is high-energy, and precise vocals. You’ll be promoting two songs a day that leave you exhausted.”

You shrugged.

“I could stand to lose a few pounds. It will be good for me.”

Jihoon’s expression did not change. “You’re like talking to a brick wall,” he said bluntly. “I thought maybe your stubbornness towards me was just a way to make me angry but I guess you’re just always like this.”

It had been a while since you had annoyed Jihoon, so the comment sent a ping of discomfort through you. He was right, you were stubborn. You weren’t mad that he had said it. No, there was something else there.

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Your health is a big deal to me.”

You just didn’t like to disappoint him, you supposed.

“It’s just one promotional period, seriously Jihoon, I’ll be fine.”

“Do you know what people are saying about me?” Jihoon asked. “The other guys keep insinuating that I should be able to convince you to change the promotional period of our single.”

“Well, you can’t,” you replied pointedly.

“Right. So I went to Sungsoo.”

Your heart stopped and that article flashed itself across your mind. You got to your feet suddenly, grabbing Jihoon by his wrist.

“You shouldn’t bother Sungsoo,” you blurted without really thinking about it. “Don’t you know that he’s doing this for you?”

Confusion shot through Jihoon’s eyes, causing you to drop his wrist.

“... For us?”

You weren’t very convincing.

“He said no,” Jihoon said bluntly. “So, as your fake boyfriend, I’m coming to you. Stop this madness before it starts.”

“There’s nothing to stop! The dates were already released. Our fans will be upset if the date changes,” you argued back. “Just drop it Jihoon, you’re making this out to be more than it is.”

“I'll turn off the computer.”

You stared at Jihoon.

“As fair as that is-”

“What kind of fake boyfriend do you take me as!” Jihoon protested. “I don’t want this. I don’t want to be the kind of boyfriend that judges you for your choices and expects you to do things just because I say so.”

He turned away from you.

“But that’s the kind of boyfriend that everyone expects you to have,” he said. “Dotting and attentive, so that’s what I have to be.”

Your mouth fell into an ‘o’. You stepped towards Jihoon, peaking around his shoulder.

“Is that what this is about?” You asked him. “You’re worried about being the kind of boyfriend that you think people expect me to have?”

“You know how much people talk about you when you aren’t around?” Jihoon asked, catching your gaze. “You’re perfect.”

You blinked.

“Perfect at fucking things up, you mean.”

Jihoon sighed, shaking his head.

“Perfect. Just in general.”

Jihoon waved his hands in the air.

“I don’t know, you’ve always been like that. Like, nice to everyone, huge smile, always willing to help people out. Everyone at Pledis knows that if they need something done and they need help doing it they should knock on your door,” Jihoon said. “Everyone loves you, everyone trusts you.”

“Not everyone-”

“Why does Jeonghan prefer you to like everyone else at Pledis?” Jihoon asked suddenly. “Why aren’t you fake dating Jeonghan? Why aren’t you real dating Jeonghan?”

“Woah-” You said. “You are all over the place-”

“He’s dotting, spends all his time with you, he’s always buying you food-”

“I’ve never wanted to date Jeonghan,” you interrupted, your eyebrows scrunching together. “Why are you bringing this up?”

“You two are just so close,” Jihoon said with a sigh. “You hated me when you first met me but you met Jeonghan and you two became best friends.”

You rolled your eyes.

“We aren't best friends,” you argued, even though… You kinda were. “My relationship with Jeonghan is...”

You trailed off, your brain trying to label you and Jeonghan’s relationship as something that made sense.

“You don’t want the same relationship with me as Jeonghan does,” you finally settled on.

“Yes I do,” Jihoon blurted. “I want to know you. Everyone else at this stupid company knows you in this different way but you just hang out with me because you have to. I wish...”

He trailed off.

“This is stupid. Do what you want, I don’t care just... Forget we had this conversation okay?”

You stared at him and for a while it was completely quiet between the two of you. He looked at you.

“Let’s get back to practice.”

“Would you call me emotionally stunted?” You asked.

“Undoubtedly,” Jeonghan agreed. “Why are you suddenly asking now?”

You glared at Jeonghan.

“Do you think our relationship is normal in anyway?” You asked next.

“If you have to ask that in a relationship it’s not normal,” Jeonghan replied bluntly. He glanced over at you, offering you the half of the sandwich he wasn’t eating. You sighed and took it.

“What does it mean if a man brings up your relationship with another man and says he wishes he had that sort of relationship with you?”

Jeonghan’s eyes narrowed.

“I feel like you answered the question in that question.”

You let out a loud groan and let yourself fall to the ground, the sandwich falling out of your hand. Jeonghan made a small sound of protest but you ignored him.

“I don’t get it,” you replied. “I was awful to him. How could he still like me? How could he want a friendship with me? How could he want a relationship like you and I have with me?”

“He likes you,” Jeonghan insisted. He grabbed your wrist and pulled you to sit up. “He likes you, and you just ruined half of a perfectly good sandwich.”

“He can’t like me, I-”

“He’s jealous,” Jeonghan interrupted. “He’s jealous because you’re stuck in a fake relationship with him and I’m still the one that you eat sandwiches on the floor with at four in the morning.”

“But we’re...” You felt frustrated. “Jihoon doesn’t want sandwiches on the floor with me at four in the morning. We’re just faking a relationship while trying to figure out what a friendship looks like for the two of us.”

“Have you never heard the enemies to lovers trope?” Jeonghan asked. “Isn’t it a dream? Someone who has seen you at your worst and still wants you?”

You weren’t sure what to say about that. You were quiet for a little bit, looking at the sandwich that had fallen on the floor. You picked up the top piece of bread and tore a piece of it off, putting it in your mouth.

Was that even what you wanted?

“Jihoon is too good for me,” you said finally. “He was trying to be the kind of boyfriend other people think that I need. How could he think about someone who hated him like that?”

You put another piece of bread in your mouth.

“He called me perfect.”

“He’s in love with you,” Jeonghan said with a shrug.

You wanted to scream at Jeonghan.

“He’s not in love with me,” you blurted. “He can’t be in love with me.”

“He liked you from day one, y/n,” Jeonghan said. “What more can I say?”

There was so much more that Jeonghan could say to make what he was saying make sense but he didn’t do anything of the sort. Instead the conversation switched to a different topic, and the subject of Jihoon didn’t return for the rest of the night.

And thus launched one of the most awkward phases of your relationship with Jihoon you would ever have. The no-talking because you were disagreeing phase.

When you had fought with friends in the past it had been different. Less frustrating. You knew the reason you two were fighting in the past. You weren’t sure why you were fighting with Jihoon. Not really.

You knew that you were annoyed at Jihoon for calling you perfect when you weren’t.

And you knew that Jihoon wasn’t talking to you.

He had postponed dance practice indefinitely, and when he saw you in passing...

You looked up when you heard his voice, your heart skipping a beat when you realized this would be the first time you had seen him this week. The debut was coming quickly, you knew you needed to say something to him. Your eyes shot to him, your brain completely forgetting what the topic of conversation was with Chae.

“Hey-” you said, taking a step towards him.

Jihoon glanced at you, up and down, and then turned to Soonyoung.

“You were saying?”

Soonyoung looked at you, his eyes wide, and apologetic.

“Oh, uh-”

Jihoon brushed past you, his shoulder bumping into yours. You felt warmth flooding your face, suddenly realizing that this was what it was actually like to be ignored. Not what you had thought it was before.

You tried so hard to get his attention, not realizing just how much you wanted it until it was gone. At least when you had hated him he said words to you. Now he made any excuse to even be out of your company.

Never a word to you. Always a glance at you and then just as soon as you had approached him he was gone.

You felt that sick feeling in your gut all over again. Not hatred but something similar to guilt.

If he thought you were so perfect why was he doing this?

“You and Jihoon fighting?”

Concern crossed your face as you glanced at Chae. The others were busy, looking over the dance practice video to see what still needed to be fine-tuned, but you and Chae had gotten a message from Sungsoo to check the upcoming schedule, so you two were occupied with something else entirely.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Not obvious,” Chae corrected. “Noticeable.”

You tried not to make it obvious just how worried that made you. You hoped nobody else picked up on your two’s behavior. You tapped your finger against your leg. Well, other than all of Seventeen who surely had noticed something was up.

“What’s up?” Chae prodded. You sighed.

“Same old,” you replied. “I did something stupid, and I’m the only one holding myself accountable for it.”

You chewed nervously on your bottom lip.

“Did you...” You trailed off. “Do you think Jeonghan and I have a weird relationship.”

Chae’s mouth dropped into an ‘o’.

“He’s jealous,” she said. Your eyebrows strewn together in frustration.

“To be jealous he would have to...” like me like that in the first place. “He’s not jealous Chae. I don’t know why he isn’t talking to me but it isn’t because of jealousy.”

Chae sighed.

“You’re impossible. I bet Jeonghan has been saying the same thing and you just keep saying the same weak argument.

“Hey-”

“Jihoon can’t ignore you forever.”

You sure hoped she was right.

You felt like you were going crazy waiting for him to start talking to you. It had been such a long time since you had felt something like this. When people stopped talking to you for whatever reason you were hardly that bothered by it. You knew that those people cared about you and that they would return, and if they didn’t return they didn’t care about you and you didn’t want them in your life anyways.

God, you could feel something tightening in the pit of your stomach. Why did it bother you like that? Why couldn’t you just move on and rationalize that if he wanted you in his life then he would talk to you again soon?

You could feel someone’s eyes on you as the song that you and Jihoon had written started to play again but you ignored it, figuring it was just Soonyoung coming in the studio to practice Seventeen’s choreography to their upcoming comeback.

Maybe even after this run through you could join him and give him advice on how the dance should go and give input on what you liked and didn’t like from what he was choreographing. One thing you really liked about Soonyoung was how serious he got about his choreography. You were used to seeing him mess around with the boys but he was never like that with when it came to his dances.

You hit the bridge of the song and a frown flashed across your face as you tried to imagine Jihoon being there with you. The choreography for this part was really dependent on Jihoon being there.

And just as you were thinking that, a hand found its way to your hip. You looked up in surprise, only to find that Jihoon was standing right there. He flashed you half a smile.

“Keep it up,” he encouraged.

It was a little clumsy, but that was only to be expected considering the fact that you two had only practiced together when making the choreography, but it was clear that just like you, Jihoon had been practicing without you.

The song came to an end, ending with Jihoon’s hands on your hips and your faces so close that you could kiss if you leaned just a little bit further. You felt your face warm up for reasons other than the exertion of the dance. You willed yourself to maintain eye contact with Jihoon.

“Hey,” you breathed uncertainly. “Does this mean...”

You wondered if you should even acknowledge that he had been ignoring you.

“You’re talking to me again?”

Jihoon pulled away from you, shrugging slightly.

“We have to practice the dance together.”

When you had spent all of your time hating Jihoon you had been so quick to getting frustrated at him. It was so easy to give him a piece of your mind and make him realize that something he had done had annoyed you.

What happened to the you that was mad at him for not talking to you?

“I’m sorry,” you said hesitantly.

Jihoon’s eyebrows shot up.

“Why are you sorry?” He asked. “I’m the one who just stopped talking to you.”

“But it was because...” You trailed off. “Okay, honestly I don’t know why you did.”

“When you’re upset you go to Nari,” Jihoon said. Your eyes widened slightly in surprise. How did he know that? “When you need advice you go to Chae. Ai is someone who can always make you laugh and when your bored and need someone to give you company you go to Jeonghan.”

Jihoon sighed.

“We’re fake dating and that’s the only reason that you see me,” Jihoon said. “It’s the only reason that you started to look at me with anything but malus in your eyes. It’s the only reason we are friends.”

“It’s a good thing,” you said. “We’re friends.”

“Barely,” Jihoon mumbled. “I just...”

There was a dull pounding in the back of your head that you just couldn’t ignore. Something about this situation made you focus even more on the tightening in the pit of your stomach.

He’s in love with you.

Your eyes widened in realization and your hand shot up, covering Jihoon’s mouth with your hand. Jihoon’s eyes widened at the sudden contact.

“Don’t-” You felt nervous. What were you supposed to say right now? Your heart was pounding in your chest so loudly you were worried that he was able to hear. You stuttered over nothing for a second, trying to find the right words. “Let’s practice,” you finally said, a nervous smile crossing your lips as you lowered your hand from his mouth.

Jihoon frowned slightly.

“You just want to...?”

“We have to practice,” you said. “And afterwards we can...” Your heart beat even harder in your chest, that gut wrenching feeling replaced by something akin to butterflies. “I’ll make more time for you. You won’t be Ai or Jeonghan, but you’ll be Jihoon. A friend for different circumstances then the others.”

A smile flickered across Jihoon’s face.

“I don’t really get you,” he said. “Do you hate me or what?”

“It’s to be determined,” you joked lightly.

With Jihoon talking to you again things were easier and awful all at the same time. For one you got back into the groove of trying to figure out where exactly you and Jihoon lied in your relationship. Despite not really being sure of how you felt about Jihoon you found yourself wanting to see him a lot and practices in the dance room simply weren’t enough.

You found yourself showing up in Jihoon’s studio more and more.

“Y/n!”

You smiled, peeking around the door of Jihoon’s studio to Mingyu. He leaned up on the couch, setting his switch on the coffee table.

“Hey Gyu! You were just the person I was hoping would be here!” You jumped around the door, holding your own switch in the air. If someone’s eyes could sparkle, Mingyu’s did in that moment.

“Jihoon, you have the best significant other.”

He excitedly pulled his legs underneath him and gestured for you to join him on the couch. You closed Jihoon’s studio door and rushed over to Jihoon.

“Hey, babe,” you said softly. Jihoon glanced at you like he hadn’t really noticed you had entered but you could tell by the way he was holding his pencil, much too tightly, that he had noticed you.

After your conversation about Jeonghan and your relationship you had learned that Jihoon got jealous very easily. It was never harmful, he didn’t tell you not to hang out with people and he was never mad at you for talking to others over him. But sometimes it made him tighten his jaw, or flex his fingers, and you knew that something was bothering him.

You let your hand fall into his hair and you gave him a short kiss to his cheek.

He had every right to be jealous, you thought. After all, you weren’t his.

Jihoon’s lips flickered into a smile and he glanced up at you.

“Wasn’t expecting you,” he said softly. He quirked his head up a little towards you. You couldn’t help the way your eyes flickered to his lips. You wanted so badly to just lean forward and...

You turned your head from him, as quietly as you could blowing out of your mouth trying to rid yourself of your suddenly very rampant thoughts.

“I thought I would swing by,” you said. You cleared your throat and wandered over to the couch with Mingyu. “Someone’s got to help Mingyu keep you company.”

You got used to Jihoon’s little studio. More than you had ever thought you would. You were starting to know every nook and cranny. You found yourself being comfortable all over his studio. The floor, the couch, his desk. Your mind echoed of a time when Jihoon would be mad at you for making yourself so comfortable there. But now Jihoon didn’t even blink twice when he found you on his desk.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Jihoon asked. He spoke like he had no clue that you were going to be there, but he handed you a little takeout container.

“Just thought I’d come see you,” you replied cheekily. Jihoon pressed his lips into half a smile, and he leaned in towards you. He paused before he had really closed the distance, something flickering in his eyes.

“It’s good to see you,” he said softly.

There were times when you forgot what it had been like to dislike him. Forgot how your stomach had churned just at the sight of him. Now when you saw him something else fluttered through your stomach, making you feel a little lighter than usual.

And that was the downside to all of this. The downside to perkily saying hi to him when you bumped into each other in the morning. The downside to being up at three in the morning eating noodles on his desk. The downside to thinking about him every morning when you woke up and texting him when you were bored at practice.

That feeling in your stomach. The one that had butterflies fluttering through you. Why did he make you feel like that?

That light feeling. You didn’t get it.

“We have to go on a date tonight,” you said excitedly. “Sungsoo says that the media is getting comfortable with us- That's why we don’t have to go on so many anymore- but even still we have to go on some.”

You leaned forward, placing your hands on his desk as you turned your head to look at him.

“We wouldn’t want break up rumors.”

“We’ll have a lot of interactions during our promotional periods,” Jihoon mumbled. “We don’t have to constantly go on these stupid public dates.”

You noted that even as Jihoon spoke, he had a smile on his lips.

“You don’t seem like you hate it that much,” you observed lightly. You turned around, your back to his desk now. “Besides it’s kind of fun to hang out in public. Your studio gets stuffy.”

Jihoon’s eyebrows rose.

“I thought you liked my studio.”

You hummed.

“What’s not to like?” You said, letting your tone of voice come off as a little sarcastic. Truth be told you had no issue with his studio. You loved the place, it was like a second home. But you were also buzzing at the idea of going on another date. “Where should we go?”

“Is it a crime that I rarely have patbingsu?” You asked as you two sat down with the dessert. He glanced up at you.

“I rarely have it too,” he commented. “I think it’s a good treat every once in a while.”

You hummed and took a scoop from the bowl, leaning forward as you put some into your mouth.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” You asked. You noticed some people had crowded around to see you both- some people were taking pictures from a distance- so you switched to sitting right next to him, as if you wanted to hide yourself. You two weren’t well disguised today- no hats, masks on your chins- but you didn’t really need to be anymore.

You weren’t pretending it was a secret now. This was just so that you could act a little shy to be with him. You leaned close to him.

“Kiss me?” You asked. You watched color spread to Jihoon’s cheeks as he looked at you.

“You’re shameless aren’t you?” He murmured. He leaned closer to you and as he closed the distance you couldn’t shake the airy feeling in your body. You felt your breathing coming a little shorter, your heart beating faster.

You ducked your head away from Jihoon, a nervous laugh leaving your mouth.

“I’m just teasing you,” you mumbled, noting that you sounded a little breathless as you spoke. You turned your attention back to the patbingsu and raised a scoop of it to Jihoon’s face. “Don’t you think the media will think it’s cute if they catch pictures of us feeding each other?”

“What if we all had a movie night this weekend?” Ai suggested, bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet. You glanced over at her as you stretched your arms across your body.

“We have a movie night every week,” you said with a laugh. “You want to have another one?”

“Well,” Ai drawled out. “It’s just- I've been thinking. The girls and I don’t know Jihoon that well at all. What if this movie night you invited Jihoon?”

The simple mention of Jihoon had warmth rising to your cheeks and it didn’t go unnoticed.

“Ooh,” Chae teased. “Looks like our favorite couple isn’t fighting anymore.”

“You and Jihoon were fighting?” Nari piped in suddenly, surprise riddled over her face. You sighed, your face burning even hotter.

“A little,” you replied. “But we’re on the same page now, it’s all good.”

You looked back up at Ai.

“I can ask Jihoon if he wants to join us but he’s probably busy. You know how he is,” you said. Ai pouted at the concept that Jihoon might not come but either way you all agreed to plan the night.

You were honestly surprised by Jihoon’s answer.

“Oh, by the way, Ai and the others wanted to invite you to a movie night with us this Friday. Do you want to come?” You asked. “I told her you probably wouldn’t be able to so no pressure-“

“I would love to come,” Jihoon interrupted, he glanced over at you, his eyes a little wider than usual.

“Really?” You asked. “You really can say no.”

“I…” Jihoon trained off, eyebrows strewn together like he had been about to explain why he wanted to come. “I have the night off, so why not.”

And that’s how you ended up sitting smushed between Jihoon and Chae on the couch of your place, with the first Iron Man film playing in front of you.

Ai had done some research into the movie night as to make Jihoon enjoy it as much as possible. She got savory snacks she knew he liked and picked Iron Man because she knew he was a fan.

You idly thought she would make a better significant other to Jihoon then you did.

“Hey,” you whispered, leaning towards Jihoon. “Thanks for coming. It means a lot to Ai.”

Jihoon glanced at you, and you could just make him out in the soft glow of the television screen. He was so close to you.

“I’m happy to be here,” Jihoon replied.

It was weird really, you had grown so prone to spending time with Jihoon even behind closed doors. You wanted to justify it by comparing it to your relationship with Jeonghan but you couldn’t help but admit that what you said to Jihoon had been true. It was different.

You didn’t miss Jeonghan in the same way that you missed Jihoon when he wasn’t around. You didn’t have this urge to be as close to Jeonghan as possible. You didn’t look at Jeonghan and think that he looked really handsome with the light of the screen illuminating his face. And most notably, you didn’t get this unshakable feeling in your gut. Those stupid butterflies.

“We should…” you trailed before you could finish. Were you really about to say this? “We should hold hands. Ai would think that’s really cute.”

You thought Jihoon would brush it off, but instead, you felt his fingers intertwining with yours. He gave you a small squeeze.

“We’re starting to make a good fake couple,” he mumbled.

You nodded, suddenly thinking it was really hot in the room.

“We are.”

“You’ve got a lot going through that thick brain of yours,” Jeonghan observed. “It’s not really like you to keep it bottled up to yourself.”

You flipped over on Jeonghan’s bad, glancing up from your phone.

“It is actually exactly like me to keep it bottled up,” you corrected. “Do you know me at all?”

“Correction, you don’t tend to keep it from me,” he stated. “What’s going on in the Jihoon chapter of your life? Let me enlighten you with my unending knowledge of relationships.”

You grunted.

“You’re so fucking cocky,” you murmured. “It’s just…”

You trailed off, not really sure how to proceed. You knew that the solution to your raging thoughts was right in front of you, staring you in the face, but you didn’t want to acknowledge it either way.

“Do I have to say it?” You finally said. “You know. I know you know.”

Jeonghan’s lips quirked up into a small smile.

“You’ll believe it better if you say it.”

“Things have just been different with Jihoon recently. I’ve been really liking spending time with him, and getting butterflies when he says or does certain things, I’ve been wanting to be close to him. I just… I don’t know what it means I guess.”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

“You know what it means,” he drawled lightly.

You sighed.

Why did you ever bother lying to Jeonghan?

“I like him,” you relented. “ I like him. How did this even happen?”

Jeonghan shrugged.

“It could be worse,” he said unhelpfully. “It could be unrequited. Don’t tell me you think it’s unrequited still.”

You felt yourself bite down lightly on your bottom lip.

“No…” You admitted. “You were right. He likes me.”

Jeonghan nodded knowingly.

“It doesn’t have to be complicated y/n. Just tell him you like him. Enemies pretending to date? That’s complicated. Two people who like each other confessing. That’s easy.”

It was eating you from the inside out to think that you needed to confess to Jihoon. You’d never had to do this before. Had to tell someone that you liked them. You felt your heart pound in your chest every time you were around him. While you two were eating, or while you were listening to his music or when you two were just on one of your fake dates.

What if you were wrong after all? What if Jihoon didn’t actually like you?

Sure he got shy when you were teasingly flirting with him, and you felt the way his face burned when you kissed him on the cheek but even still...

You resisted the urge to shove your face into the notebook you were writing in as your mind reminded you of all the reasons you knew that Jihoon liked you.

You were being stupid. A coward.

“Are you okay?”

You looked up, surprised to find that Jihoon was staring at you from across the room. You shifted the way you were sitting on the couch.

“Me?” You asked as if there was anyone else in the room he could be talking to. You felt stupid. Why had you said something so stupid? “I’m fine.”

Jihoon stared at you, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Something’s bothering you,” he said softly. “I... I can just tell.”

You sighed. You should stop getting close to people. It meant that they could tell things you didn’t want them to know.

“I know that you have a crush on me.”

And it meant that you cared enough about them that you didn’t want to lie.

“Me?” Jihoon blurted, his eyebrows rising. He opened his mouth to deny what you were saying but as he did his cheeks reddened.

“I also have a crush on you,” you said before he could say more. Jihoon’s mouth gaped for a second, and then it closed. His eyebrows furrowed.

“But you... You hated me.”

“Past tense,” you agreed. “For the stupidest reasons.”

“Are we going to fight about this again?” Jihoon asked, pursing his lips in concentration.

“No?” But it sounded like a question. You got to your feet and walked over to Jihoon. “We don’t have to think about this.”

You placed your hands on Jihoon’s chairs arm rest, trapping him in his chair, you leaned close to him.

“I like you and you like me. It doesn’t have to be complicated.”

Jihoon’s cheeks blazed red and you would want to make fun of him if yours didn’t match.

You moved so that you were straddling Jihoon, loosely draping your arms over his shoulders.

“Do you like me?” You asked softly. Despite how embarrassed Jihoon looked his hands lowered to your hips.

“I do really like you,” he admitted. “The closer I got to you, the less you hated me the more I remembered why I’ve always really liked you. I’ve never actually entertained dating. When do I have the time?”

A smile flickered over your lips at the comment.

“But you make time for me. Even when you didn’t like me. You don’t expect me to always have time for you. I want to make this real.”

Jihoon cleared his throat.

“And you...?”

“I think I really want to kiss you,” you whispered back. You waited for some sign that Jihoon wanted that too, and this time the seeking of affirmation that you wanted to kiss Jihoon felt differently from before. Your heart was racing so quickly you could barely think about anything but him. He nodded.

“Okay,” he murmured. His head tilted towards you ever-so-slightly and you took that as your consent to lean forward and press your lips to his.

You and Jihoon’s kisses before had always been god awful. Your lips moved awkwardly against each other, your hands didn’t know where to be, you felt disgust spread through your chest but this time it was completely different. You had seen a million movies and read a million books about how when you kissed someone you truly liked you could feel a spark spread through your body and you knew that you were kissing someone you truly liked.

You felt yourself press closer to Jihoon, your chest closer to his then it had ever been. You could feel yourself too, deepening the kiss, so lost in it that your hips were shifting slightly in his lap. After a minute or so Jihoon’s fingers tightened on your hips, holding you still.

“Uh, y/n,” he mumbled. His voice was gruff as he spoke and it made you pull back enough that you could see his face.

“You’ve got to stop moving your hips like that,” he said softly. You raised an eyebrow.

“Why-”

And that was when you felt exactly why. Your face blazed red when you realized that you could feel something very hard pressing against your body. You looked down, mostly out of embarrassment.

“Oh,” you said.

“We should probably stop,” Jihoon said unsurely. “I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable,” you said quickly.

“I mean, what are you going to do if we stop,” you mumbled. Jihoon sucked in a breath.

“I can just wait it out.”

Silence fell between the two of you.

“Can I keep kissing you?” You asked finally, your voice soft. Jihoon pressed forward, bumping the tip of his nose to yours.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “If you want.”

You pressed your lips to his, this time brief and heavy.

“And you could loosen your grip on me if you wanted,” you said into the kiss. “It just feels more natural you know? To move a little while I kiss you.”

“You’re playing a dangerous game,” Jihoon mumbled, his eyebrow raising a little.

“I think I know what I’m getting myself into,” you said back. Jihoon’s head fell ever-so-slightly to the side.

“Are you sure about that?” He asked softly.

You honestly weren’t sure anymore. You couldn’t brush off the way his grip was actually tightening on your hips, and how dark his eyes had gotten as you suggested doing more. You had felt your body heating as soon as you realized that Jihoon’s hard cock was pressed into you (why had you thought straddling him was a good idea?) but the burning in your core had only grown the more that his fingers tightened their grip on you.

Instead of answering your pressed forward trying to kiss Jihoon again, but he quickly stopped you.

“I need an answer,” he insisted firmly. “Because I’m going to take this a step forward if you keep kissing me like that.”

You didn’t need him to explain exactly what he was insinuating doing, but the thought of where he wanted to take this made those nervous butterflies pop up in your stomach again.

“Your studio door is unlocked,” you mumbled lightly.

“I’m sure no one will come in,” Jihoon replied.

“Mingyu?” You brought up.

“It’s up to you,” Jihoon said softly. “I’m not going to do anything you don’t want to.”

His grip loosened on your hips and your eyes widened.

“No!” You blurted. You took the opportunity to roll your hips down on Jihoon’s dick. You bit down nervously on your bottom lip.

“I mean I can help after all,” you mumbled. “Why don’t you let me help?”

Just as soon as you began to roll your hips Jihoon’s hands were back on your hips, a low moan leaving his lips.

“You’re going to help?”

You nodded.

“You’re going to be useful, huh?” He continued. Your face blazed but you nodded again. You weren’t really used to Jihoon making you so nervous, but suddenly you were ready to do anything he told you to.

“Use your words sweetheart,” Jihoon drawled.

“Please Jihoon,” you said, your voice faint. Jihoon leaned forward, his lips brushing yours.

“What was that?” As he spoke his cool fingers dipped under your shirt, dipping beneath the waist band of your underwear. You shivered under his touch, placing your hands on Jihoon’s chest.

“Please fuck me,” you murmured, and that was all you had to say.

When you had disliked Jihoon you had tried to avoid any piece of media that you could about him but one day you had found yourself reading a few fans gushing about what Jihoon would be like in bed. Some people thought he was a bottom, others pushed him as a hard top, or a switch. They went into detail about how Jihoon had proved time and time again that he was very good with his fingers, and that he would be rough when he needed to in order to get out all his pent up energy. You couldn’t say for sure, of course, that Jihoon was or was not a bottom but you could say for sure that right now? In this instance? You were completely his.

He turned his chair so that he could press your back into the edge of his desk, frustration bubbling up from his chest in the form of a grunt as he kissed you. He pulled back.

“You have too much on,” he mumbled. His hands pulled from where they were caressing your skin under your clothes, and he pulled your shirt over your head by its hems. You were quick to help him undress you, unclipping your bra and letting it drop to the ground. You reached forward, pushing at Jihoon’s shirt as you did, pulling it off as well. You two quickly separated until there was a messy pile of clothes on the floor and Jihoon had you pressed against a wall.

“Let’s see,” he mumbled, his hot breath puffing against your neck. He pressed a few kisses to your skin there as his fingers slid across the slit of your pussy. You were hoping that you weren’t too wet- after all you hadn’t been this desperate to fuck someone in a long time- why would you be that horny?

But you could tell by Jihoon’s exhale that your arousal was more than apparent.

“Baby,” he murmured, lifting his eyes to yours. “You’re so desperate, aren’t you? Your pussy needs a cock in it, doesn’t it?”

Your face burned in humiliation at Jihoon’s words but even so you managed to nod at him.

“Please,” you whispered. Jihoon’s lips flickered with a smile.

“I like this side of you,” Jihoon mumbled. “You’re so vulnerable.”

For a second, Jihoon’s expression turned soft.

“You’re that comfortable with me now?”

For some reason, that implication made you even more embarrassed than Jihoon talking about how badly you needed to be fucked.

“Shut up,” you managed to get out. “Thought you were just talking a big game about how badly I needed fucked. What happened to that?”

Lucky for you, Jihoon was extremely amused by your embarrassment. His fingers slid across your slit again, and again, his fingers dipping between your folds a little bit more each time he slid his fingers. He was teasing you, and you didn’t appreciate it.

You reached, forward, intent on touching Jihoon’s dick which was standing very tall and very hard, but before you could Jihoon’s other hand caught yours. He shook his head, chiding you softly.

“Someone’s impatient,” he murmured. “Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to be able to do this to you?” He asked. His hand pulled away from your dripping cunt and he lightly smacked your inner thigh. “Open.”

You immediately spread your legs more for Jihoon.

“There you are,” he said, smiling even larger than before. “You’re so obedient. You always act like such a brat but when it comes down to it you like this don’t you?”

You whimpered as Jihoon’s fingers returned to your slit, going back to teasing you just as he had been before. Your core was burning with the want for Jihoon’s fingers to begin to fuck you to the point where it was almost uncomfortable. You felt your hand twisting around in Jihoon’s grasp so that you could wrap your fingers around his wrist and squeeze. You really didn’t have much patience at all.

“You want to touch yourself?” Jihoon asked. You screwed your eyes shut, shaking your head roughly. Jihoon hummed. “What do you want?”

You hated being teased. (At least, that’s what you kept repeating in your head as your body burned.)

“Your fingers,” you murmured back. You felt your eyebrows furrow and your lips drew together in a pout. Jihoon laughed at the expression.

“Can I get a please?” He teased. You groaned.

“When did our roles switch?” You asked. Jihoon’s fingers slipped between your folds, prodding at your entrance. “Okay, okay. Please Jihoon please.”

He snickered.

“You’re so good when you want to be.”

He pressed his finger inside of you, making the movement as slow and tantalizing as possible. It pulled a whine out of your mouth and your fingers curled against his chest.

“Jihoon you’re a fucking tea-”

Before you could finish Jihoon began to work his finger in and out of you. It wasn’t as slow as it had been a moment before but it certainly wasn’t fast either. Teasing he was still fucking teasing you.

You leaned forward, trying to capture Jihoon’s lips with yours. You wanted friction so badly. Wanted more than just one of his stupid fingers sliding in and out of you. Soft moans- correction whines tumbled from your lips as Jihoon pulled away from you, keeping his distance.

“You’re being annoying,” you bit out, hoping it sounded intimidating. You just sounded pathetic. “You know I want more than this. Least you could do is let me kiss you.”

Jihoon looked up at you, lips barely quirked up.

“You know where we’re going,” he murmured. “Why do you want to rush it so badly?”

You let your pout become more apparent and you were rewarded with a second finger being pressed into you. Your head dropped to Jihoon’s shoulder.

“Jihoon, fuck,” you mumbled. “Can’t I... Just a little... Touch you?”

“Touch me?” Jihoon asked. “You usually just do what you want, what’s stopping you now?”

“What do you think is stopping me?” you blurted. He hummed and pressed a third finger into you.

“You’re being good,” he crooned. “You’ll get rewarded for being good.”

“And that’s what’s stopping me,” you murmured back. You leaned forward again trying to kiss him, but he was still holding you back. “Jihoon-”

“Beg me for it,” Jihoon mumbled. He pressed his three fingers deep into you, making a whimper leave your lips.

“Jihoon,” you whined, actually completely intent on arguing with him, instead you said: “Please. Please let me kiss you. It’s the least you can do. Won’t let me touch you and you won’t give me more, at least let me kiss you.”

“It all comes in time,” Jihoon assured. “But since you asked so nicely-”

He leaned forward, dragging you into another kiss. You greedily pressed into it, enjoying every second of this kiss. You wrapped your fingers around Jihoon’s biceps squeezing as you pressed closer to him. Jihoon began to scissor his fingers in and out of you. You moaned against his lips.

“Jihoon please,” you mumbled. “Let me touch you. Just a little bit. I’ve been good yeah? I don’t beg like this for everyone, please.”

Jihoon nodded and you eagerly reached forward, your fingers wrapping around his dick. You ran your fingers slowly up his girth, coming to his tip. Your thumbed at his slit, enjoying the little moans that tumbled from his lips. You ran your fingers back down to his base, cupping his balls briefly.

“You’re so good,” Jihoon mumbled. Your lips quirked up. You raised your hand back to your mouth and spit into it briefly. You lowered your hand back down to Jihoon’s dick, rubbing your spit across his length.

You felt his cock twitch in your hand.

“I want,” was all you mumbled, and it was all you had to say.

“Want to show me how badly?” He asked. He pulled his fingers from you, slipping them into his mouth and sucking your wetness off of his fingers. You resisted the urge to whine again (you felt pathetic) and dropped to your knees. You wrapped your fingers around his thighs and your tongue flickered over the tip of his cock.

“You trying to get revenge?” Jihoon asked. Your face burned.

“No,” you murmured.

Yes.

You sucked the tip of Jihoon’s tip past your lips, hollowing your cheeks as you worked his cock into your mouth. Your eyes flickered up to Jihoon’s, an action you immediately regretted as his gaze on you was so intense it sent heat shooting straight through you to your core.

You lowered your eyes to his torso and sucked more of his cock into your mouth, working it as far into your mouth as you could. Jihoon didn’t have the biggest cock in the world or anything but his cock was bigger than any you had seen. Longer and thicker and it made your face burn at the thought that this was going to be inside of you soon.

You pushed his cock a little further into your mouth, only to feel yourself start to choke around it. You pulled off of his cock, trying to catch your composure. As you did so, Jihoon’s hand raised to your head.

“You good?” He asked, his voice laced with amusement. You shot him a glare.

“Shut up,” you murmured. You sucked his cock back into your mouth, and this time instead of focusing on deep throating him, you just worked what you could easily work in and out of your mouth. Jihoon’s fingers ran distractingly through your hair as you sucked him off, his lips parted as low moans tumbled from his mouth.

Each moan that left his mouth just sent warmth coursing through you, feeling yourself burn so much again it was making you uncomfortable. You mewled around his cock and lowered one of your hands down to your pussy, pushing two fingers comfortably into yourself.

“Poor thing,” Jihoon cooed. “You’re that desperate to get fucked?”

You popped off of Jihoon’s cock.

“Well, you’re not fucking me, so someone has to.”

Jihoon’s eyebrows rose in surprise, but a smile quickly crossed his face.

“Get up,” he mumbled.

“What if I don’t?” You challenged. “My fingers feel just fine.”

“Don’t be afraid to tell me if I’m too rough,” Jihoon warned. You opened your mouth again to argue with him (him being in charge was bringing back the part of you that always felt the need to argue with him) but before you could Jihoon’s fingers tightened in the strands of your hair and he pulled you to your feet.

Your mouth dropped in surprise as Jihoon pressed you into the wall, one of his hands capturing your wrists behind your back. You felt his cock brush your soaking cunt. You swallowed hard, trying not to push back against him. You wanted his cock in you so badly.

“You okay?” He asked. Your face burned in embarrassment.

“Just fuck me.”

Jihoon’s hands left your hair just long enough to guide his cock into your pussy. He was slow at first, just easing his cock into you. You felt a long whine leaving your lips as he pushed into you. You fingers flexed with the urge to grab onto something, but them being restrained prevented you from being able to do that. Which just made you desperate and impatient for more.

“Please, please, please,” you begged incoherently. “You’re going too slow.”

“You really are so impatient,” Jihoon chided. “I have to make sure I don’t hurt you.”

Jihoon pushed until he had bottomed out inside of you and then he slowly pulled himself out again. His pace was agonizing, but it felt so good regardless. You pushed back against Jihoon.

“You’re not going to hurt me,” you whined. “Faster, please.”

“Jeonghan was right you really do like to beg,” Jihoon commented off-handedly. Your eyebrows rose in surprise, and you glanced back at him.

“Why were you talking to Jeonghan about-”

Before you could finish Jihoon sharply thrusted into you. You cried out, immediately turning your head back to the wall. Your forehead pressed against it as you tried to catch your breath.

“Fuck, Ji-”

Jihoon pulled out and sharply pulled you back on his cock again by your captured hands, making you bounce against his body. You felt your knees buckle a little and you struggled to keep yourself standing.

Jihoon seemed to sense that and reached a hand around your body, placing his hand just under your breasts, holding you in place. He pushed deep inside of you again and began to set his pace. Now that your hands were free you pressed your hands against the wall, trying to keep yourself supported.

“Jihoon,” you blurted. “I can barely-”

“Barely what?” Jihoon asked teasingly. “Barely handle it? Barely stay up?”

You whined in frustration, so Jihoon just hooked his arm around your body, pulling you up, flush against his chest.

“I’m starting to understand why you used to like to tease me so much.”

He pressed his lips briefly to yours.

“You’re so much fun to make squeal.”

As if to prove his point, Jihoon sharply thrusted up into you, making your whole body shake at the impact.

You weren’t even able to put coherent words together as Jihoon began to fuck up into you, his balls slapping against your pussy as he slammed into you. You cried out with each thrust, the longer he thrust into you, the more that you stopped thinking about how embarrassing it was to be naked against him. All you could think about was his dick, and-

“Jihoon kiss me,” you whined pathetically, turning your head so that Jihoon could see your face.

“Oh, you’re so desperate, aren’t you?” Jihoon asked. “But you’ve been so good, you deserve to get what you ask for.”

He leaned forward and caught your lips with his, but the kiss was rougher than it normally was. You couldn’t help the way you panted against his mouth, pressing back against him as if it would make him push deeper into you.

“Jihoon, Jihoon,” you mumbled against his lips. “Need you to cum, please? I’m gonna cum, we gotta cum.”

“Yeah?” Jihoon asked. ”Where do you want me to cum?”

This was the part where you were supposed to turn red, and stammer and dance around what you really wanted.

“Cum inside of me, please, and then keep fucking me. And fuck it into me and just fuck me until I can’t cum anymore and-”

You didn’t have to say more, because as you spoke Jihoon began to spill his warm cum inside of you- You following suit- while your name fell from his lips in a guttural moan. And Jihoon didn’t stop there. As soon as you were finally coming down from your orgasm, he slipped his cock out of you and pulled you over to his desk before bending you over it and sliding back into you.

He fucked you again there until, once again, you were cumming all over his cock and then he dragged you to his couch and fucked you until you were both cumming all over again.

When his cock finally stilled inside of you, you felt like you were going to pass out you were so exhausted.

“That...” You trailed off, your words lost in pants. “That was amazing.”

“Yeah,” Jihoon breathed. He pressed a chaste kiss to your neck.

“You were amazing,” he mumbled. “But, uh, what does it mean when two people fake dating have sex?”

The reminder of what you two actually were to each other made you swallow thickly.

“Uh,” you weren’t sure what to say. “We could be real.”

You felt Jihoon shift against you.

“Real?”

You nodded.

“Really dating.”

You glanced back at him, face red from both the sex and what you were saying.

“That’s what I want.”

A ghost of a smile crossed Jihoon’s lips.

“I want that,” he agreed softly.

Jihoon had insisted you stay in his studio longer but after cleaning up and letting him hold you on the couch for a while you told him that you needed to go. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to stay with him, but you had to be up early, and you knew that you shouldn’t stay too late.

You tidied yourself up a little bit before you left. You combed your fingers through your hair and tried to straighten out your somewhat wrinkled clothes but as soon as you bumped into Jeonghan as you were leaving Jihoon’s studio you knew you were fucked. (Well, in a different way than before.)

Jeonghan raised his hands and began to clap slowly for you as you walked down the hallway towards him.

“Look at you,” he said. “Who knew you had it in you?”

You raised one of your hands to your face, hiding behind it.

“Shut up Jeonghan,” you murmured.

“I’m just surprised is all,” Jeonghan said. He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close to his body. “I didn’t think you had it in you to confess to Jihoon. Much less fuck him all at the same time.”

You dropped your hand from your face and immediately regretted it when you saw the way Jeonghan was looking at you. That stupid shit-eating grin spread across his lips.

“Did he find out how much of a bottom you are?”

Sometimes you regretted how much you told Jeonghan about yourself. He always found a way to use that information against you.

“What are you doing around here anyways?” You asked, hoping Jeonghan would accept the subject change.

“I actually came to check on you.”

You were lucky.

“Check on me?” You asked, surprise crossing your face. “Why would you do that?”

“Your solo debut and group comeback is in two weeks,” Jeonghan replied. “It’s about time for you to hole yourself up in the dance practice room and completely disappear from the people who care about you.”

You snorted, but even as you did you noted that he was right. The pressure of two promotions in one promotional period had been building up on you. Being with Jihoon tonight had been partly a distraction from how stressed you were beginning to be.

“You worry too much,” you disregarded. “You’re really telling me that you don’t like the break from me?”

Jeonghan snickered.

“Don’t tease me with a good time,” he said teasingly. Then, a more serious expression crossed his face. “But seriously. You’re going to push yourself too hard.”

“I’m not going to push myself too hard,” you said, but you knew that it was a lie, and Jeonghan did too.

“I’ll tell Jihoon,” Jeonghan threatened.

“What’s he going to do?” You asked with a scoff.

“Well, if your hair is any evidence of how well you listen to him-”

You shoved Jeonghan into the wall, making him laugh.

“Seriously, if you need a friend. You’ve got me, okay?”

You nodded.

“I know Jeonghan.”

And thus, you shot into the next era of your life. Soon Kwonyoung, you and the dance room.

The hours you spent training before debut didn’t amount to this. You barely ate, you slept three hours a night and you practiced. Songs on repeat, over and over again, burning the choreography and lyrics into your brain so that there was no error for mistakes.

“You scare me when you’re like this,” Soonyoung said with a shake of his head. “You’re clocking hours in the dance room I’ve never seen before.”

“Just don’t tell Jihoon.”

You laughed when you said it, but you weren’t joking in the slightest. You were going miles to try and make it seem like you weren’t driving yourself too hard.

You pretended like you were going to bed early, and you showered before practices with him so that he didn’t know you had been at it all day and you had threatened multiple people not to rat you out, but sometimes even the most effort wasn’t enough.

“I’m off to bed,” you said, finally standing up from where you had been stretching on the floor.

“Yeah? Me too,” Jihoon replied. “I know we’ve never done this before but maybe you can stay the night with me? It’d be nice to be close to you.”

Your heart skipped a beat in your chest at the suggestion but the gnawing reminder that you needed to practice didn’t even let you entertain it.

“Oh, I promised the girls I would make them breakfast in the morning,” you replied. “Maybe another night? After the promotional period.”

Jihoon hummed.

“Or I could stay at your place, then you could make breakfast and we could have a sleep over.”

Fuck.

“My room is so dirty right now,” you lied. “I would hate to have you in there you can barely walk in it.”

Jihoon stared at you his expression serious and unamused. You sighed.

“Who told on me?” You asked finally.

“Who didn’t?” Jihoon replied. “Your group, Soonyoung, Jeonghan.”

He shook his head.

“Word on the street is that I’m the world’s worst boyfriend.”

You pouted.

“That’s not fair.”

“Well?” Jihoon pressed. “We start promoting in two days now and you haven’t slept more than five hours in two weeks.”

You knew that Jihoon was being highly hypocritical. He spent days straight in the studio when he was really focused on working. You knew that somedays he hardly slept, and his life revolved around his work. You opened your mouth to tell him just that- That he was a hypocrite that he did this all the time, but your words died on your lips.

“You know, you really changed Jihoon.”

You glanced over at Soonyoung, eyebrows furrowing.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s cut down a lot on those behaviors that made him... Jihoon.”

“That sounds bad,” you said bluntly. Soonyoung’s eyes widened.

“No, no it’s the bad behaviors. Never sleeping, staying up in the studio all the time. It’s like he’s that Jihoon we knew from pre-debut all over again. He knocked on my front door and invited me to eat noodles together last night before he went to bed. At 8!”

You stared at Soonyoung.

“That’s not thanks to me,” you replied. “All I’m doing is dating him.”

“Yeah, but it started because you cared enough to make him go home that day. Ever since it’s like he’s been thinking about how him not taking care of himself effects the people he cares about.”

Soonyoung glanced around the room as if someone might overhear him.

“He apologized to Mingyu for blowing him off so much recently.”

Soonyoung shook his head in disbelief.

“He really loves you y/n. He’s willing to do better for you.”

You really hated it when other people were actually good to you. It was so much easier when you didn’t have a standard to meet.

“Okay,” you relented. Jihoon’s eyebrows raised.

“Okay?” Jihoon asked.

“Okay, I’ll stop freaking out over this comeback debut thing,” you replied, your frustration becoming evident as you spoke. Jihoon’s hands raised, seeming to recognize that this was the sort of tone that usually led you two into an argument.

“I’m not saying that you’re freaking out,” he said softly. “I just want you to take a nap.”

His eyes trailed away from you for a second.

“Or just sleep in general. Eight hours.”

“I’m not trying to disregard my health and block everyone out-”

“Well, you’re not really blocking out Soonyoung-”

“I’m just stressed,” you admitted. “And I don’t really know how to deal with stress... So, I just push myself so hard that I don’t have to deal with stress.”

Jihoon nodded knowingly, which made the frustration that was budding in your throat cull just a little bit. The only reason that you were able to even tell him this was because you knew that Jihoon was the same in this regard.

You felt like everyone at Pledis knew that when Jihoon didn’t know how to deal with his emotions, he dug himself into his work. Maybe that was one of the reasons you had hated him so much before. In ways, you saw yourself in him.

“But I really like you,” you mumbled, and again that pressure made you want to pull the words right from your mouth. “So, I’ll do this for you.”

You wondered for a moment if Jihoon realized how much you really hated to say this. It was weird, just how much the frustration was crawling inside of you. Why did this make you so uncomfortable? Wasn’t this the sort of thing that you had always been wanting from a relationship? Someone who pushed you to be a better person.

What about being vulnerable was making it so hard to breath?

Jihoon cleared his throat, dragging your attention right back to him. He gave you half a smile.

“Stay with me tonight?” He asked. “Maybe being with someone will help you a bit.”

You nodded.

“Yeah,” you agreed. “I think it will.”

“Are you nervous?” Ai asked. You glanced over at her, noticing that she was messing with a stray ribbon on her outfit. You smiled softly at her and took the ribbon in your hands, securing it on her outfit.

“Of course, I’m nervous,” you assured. “But we’ve practiced like crazy, we’re going to do amazing.”

“I still don’t know how you’re going to do it,” Ai said, shaking her head. “Two promotions? That’s crazy.”

“It’s not crazy, it’s like a concert with three songs back-to-back and two costume changes,” you said, brushing off the comment. “It’s going to be fine. It’s going to be fun.”

“But-”

Before Ai could say more a hand found its way to your waist, you turned around, smiling at Jihoon who had a concerned expression spread over his face.

“Hey, you go on soon,” he said softly. You smiled gummily at him.

“And we go on soon after,” you reminded him. As you were looking at him, you noticed that whatever they had put on his lips smudged a little. You reached up and swiped it away with your thumb.

“You’re nervous,” Jihoon mumbled. You shrugged off-handedly at the comment.

“I’m sure you are too. But our song is doing really well. I told you it would be better if we worked together on it.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes.

“I only didn’t want to because we could barely interact with each other without arguing.”

You decided to ignore him. Instead, you just stared at him. He looked so good in his stage makeup. You thought eyeliner was an underrated look on him.

You wanted to kiss him so bad but you knew it would ruin your lipstick and his and your stylists would be mad. Besides…

“Places in five,” one of the stagehands said, placing their hand on your shoulder. They looked between you and Jihoon, shaking their head in disbelief at the two of you. “Idols openly dating…”

And then the stagehand was gone. You looked at Jihoon, rolling your eyes in reaction.

“I’ll see you soon,” you said. He nodded.

“Good luck.”

The thing about your dances was energy. The reason you had spent so much time in the studio running both dances wasn’t necessarily to make sure that you did the dance right, though that was part of it. You did them so much so that you would have the stamina to do both with full energy without dying.

Your comeback with your group was called Shimmer. It was poppy and lighthearted. It required the complicated choreography to seem effortless, and it required constant stage presence.

You had always been good at that stuff, but only because you had practiced it so much.

At the end of your performance of Shimmer you were barely winded and getting into costume and new makeup for your next performance only took fifteen minutes.

As you and Jihoon took your places on stage, Jihoon’s hand slid onto the small of your back.

“Ready?” He asked.

“Ready.”

Your song with Jihoon was darker, and less pop teen artist then your other song. It fit your age a lot better, but the steps were just as complicated as Shimmer and the partner work was just that much harder.

But when you and Jihoon ended the dance, inches from each other’s face, a huge smile spread of your lips. You waited a few seconds but before too long had passed you were jumping forward, wrapping your arms around Jihoon’s neck and dragging him into a deep, celebratory kiss.

“To one successful stage! Leading to many others!” Chae said. The four of you cheered in agreement, clinking your shot glasses together. You all took a shot at the same time, the soju spreading warmth through your chest.

You didn’t drink a lot, but when it was for something like this? You knew you had to. You wouldn’t be able to get drunk with your best friends in the world forever.

“You know, you did so well with your stage with Jihoon it was like you hadn’t just performed full energy with us.”

You waved a hand in the air.

“It was easy when I have four of the best dance partners in the world.”

The conversation of the evening quickly turned from talk of the stages that you had just performed, to talk of the stages that you would perform, to petty arguments about dumb movies you had all watched together before.

It was nice to let loose with them. Even with your movie nights it felt like your life with the girls primarily revolved around work. You hardly got time off as idols. It was nice to kick back and relax.

As Ai and Chae were going back and forth about a character that Ai had loved and Chae hated, Nari’s phone went off and she looked down at it. Her smile faded as she stared at the screen.

“Nari, what’s wrong?” You asked. She stared at her phone for another few seconds, garnering Ai and Chae’s attention. All three of you waited patiently for Nari to respond. Finally, she looked up, her eyes wide and trained on yours.

“You and Jihoon are faking your relationship?”

It was like time stopped. Your eyebrows furrowed, and you stood up, trying to lean over the table to see Nari’s phone, but she hid it from you. You felt your heart beating faster in your chest. Had Jeonghan texted her? That was the only thing you could think right now, but that didn’t make any sense. Why would Jeonghan text her something like that? There was no reason to expose you and Jihoon.

“How do you know that?” You asked. Ai’s eyes widened at that.

“Wait, you are?” She blurted. You raised your hand in the air.

“What? No!” You blurted. You felt that familiar feeling of frustration crawling up your throat. “Well, we were, but we aren’t anymore.”

The others in your group just stared at you.

“It’s complicated.”

“Why would you lie to us about that?” Ai asked, and the look on her face broke your heart.

“It wasn’t my choice,” you said softly. You looked around at your friends, noticing they were all looking at you with matching expressions of hurt. “Really! You were the last people I wanted to lie to. I love you guys! You were the first ones that I wanted to tell.”

They all looked away from you, making your frustration claw at your throat even more.

“Guys, seriously. It killed me to not tell you,” you insisted. “Sungsoo didn’t let us tell anyone, the only reason Jeonghan knew-”

“Jeonghan, knew?” Nari blurted.

“Jeonghan didn’t tell you?” You blurted back. Suddenly, a feeling other then frustration of your friends not understanding why you lied to them was filling the pit of your stomach. “Nari, how did you find out?”

“How could you tell Jeonghan?” Chae asked, her voice low.

“Sungsoo!” You exclaimed. “Sungsoo, said that we couldn’t tell anyone because if the truth got out it would ruin our careers.”

“But you hated Jihoon,” Chae pointed out. “Why did you care?”

“I don’t know! I just did. Wouldn’t you care?”

They were all silent.

“Guys, seriously, I’m really sorry. It killed me to lie to you. I wanted you all to know the truth so badly, but I really need to know how you found out that our relationship was fake.”

You directed your attention to Nari again. Her facial expression was softer.

“You really wanted to tell us?” She asked. You nodded.

“Of course I did. You were the first ones I wanted to tell,” you assured. “I love you. All of you.”

It was probably just the alcohol, but suddenly Ai blurted out: “We love you too.” Tears streaming down her face. You breathed out in relief, as the three girls got up, dragging you into a hug. It made you feel better, but only a little bit.

“Nari, I really hate to interrupt this moment, but seriously this could ruin Jihoon’s career. Please tell me that you won’t tell anyone.”

“I mean, I won’t say anything,” Nari replied innocently. “But by tomorrow just about everyone will know.”

She raised her phone into the air.

“There’s an article about it.”

“I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to bring you guys here for this,” Sungsoo said with a heavy sigh. “The truth is out. The article was posted.”

You glanced at Jihoon, but he wasn’t looking at you. His attention was on a small spot on the floor. You wanted to get him to look at you but neither of you had told Sungsoo that you two were actually dating now and it seemed like Jihoon was trying to make it seem as if nothing had changed.

“There’s got to be something we can do-”

“There is,” Sungsoo agreed. “We’ll have to pause your debut promotions. Jihoon, your activities with Seventeen are going to be paused while the company tries to figure out what to do.”

“What?” You blurted. “There’s nothing to figure out! You know that Jihoon doesn’t deserve to be paused.”

“You knew the consequences if this article got out,“ Sungsoo replied, sharpening his gaze towards you. “I’ll be honest Jihoon. Seventeen might become a twelve member group.”

“What?”

You shot up to your feet, knocking your chair onto the floor. Sungsoo closed his eyes in frustration.

“My hands are tied here.”

“No they aren’t!” You glanced at Jihoon, letting your frustration spill out of your mouth with your words. “You don’t have to do that. You can’t do that.”

You looked to Sungsoo and then back to Jihoon.

“Jihoon! Say something- Anything. You can’t just let this happen!” You insisted. Jihoon’s eyes finally rose to yours, a smile crossing his lips.

“You know what I’ve always found endearing?” He asked you, his voice small. “You find it so hard to keep your emotions in check when they’re too intense.”

He stood up, taking your hand in his.

“It’s okay. It’s over.”

“No-” You said. “No. You can’t just give up! Where’s Seungcheol? Someone get me Seungcheol.”

Jihoon squeezed your hand.

“And you’re so stubborn. It’s over. We don’t need to do this anymore.”

Jihoon dropped your hand and you felt your heart drop.

“What?” You asked. He looked away from you.

“I mean, there’s no need to fake anymore right?” He asked. “So we should... Take a break.”

You didn’t get hurt a lot, but this was something completely different then you had expected. You had spent so much time fretting over what kind of things would happen if things got out but you had never imagined that Jihoon would break up with you over it.

“Hey-”

“Thanks for trying,” Jihoon said. He turned away from you and Sungsoo. “See you.”

And before you could say more, he was gone.

You stood there, wordless, staring at the door that Jihoon had just left out of. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening.

You turned back to Sungsoo.

“It seems like you need a second to process,” Sungsoo said. “Your promotions won’t be paused. Your career is fine.”

“I’ll be back,” you said, your voice sharp. “With Seungcheol. And we’ll talk again.”

You placed your hand on the doorknob.

“Don’t go anywhere.”

“Seungcheol!”

You ran down the hallway of Pledis’ dorm rooms, staring at the numbers as you strained to remember which door was Seventeen’s leader.

“Seungcheol.”

You skidded to a stop in front of the one you thought was his. You slammed your palms against the door frantically.

“Seungcheol, Seungcheol, Seung-”

The door pulled open and you came face to face with shaggy brown hair and a tired looking boy. His eyebrows furrowed.

“Hey, what are you-?”

You brushed past him into his room, feeling relieved when you realized that Seungcheol wasn’t alone.

“Jeonghan, thank god.”

“Sure just come in,” Seungcheol breathed. “I’m sure Jihoon won’t mind that his significant other just barged into my room.”

“It’s important,” you replied.

You frantically pulled out your phone, shoving the phone article into Jeonghan’s face.

“The article got out and it’s worse then it was before.”

“Shit,” Jeonghan said, taking your phone from your hand. Seungcheol’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What article?”

“Jihoon and I were pretending to date because I hated him so much that it was going to ruin Jihoon’s career. But then we actually fell in love- Well I fell in love, and now he wants to take a break and-” You sucked in a breath. “Sorry, the break isn’t important. He’s being suspended from Seventeen. Sungsoo said he’s probably going to be taken out of the group completely.”

“What?” Jeonghan and Seungcheol blurted.

You nodded.

“Sorry, I was focusing on the wrong thing,” you mumbled.

“Sungsoo is taking Jihoon out of Seventeen?” Seungcheol repeated. “But he’s one of our leaders- He writes our music-“

“Despite the whole hate thing being my fault, the article that got released is slamming Jihoon’s career not mine.”

“Look, y/n, the solution to all of this is simple,” Jeonghan said, ignoring your partially distracted line of thought.

Now it was your turn to look confused.

“It is?”

“We have to stay on top of things. You need to do something now.”

Jeonghan looked at Seungcheol.

“Doesn’t Mina have a talk show she’s hosting tonight?”

Seungcheol nodded.

“We need y/n on that show.”

“What’s me being on a talk show going to do?” You asked.

“Just tell the truth!” Jeonghan insisted. “Admit it was fake, tell them it’s not now, tell them what you learned. That Jihoon is a great guy.”

“Yeah but that doesn’t stop Sungsoo from kicking him out of the group.”

“That’s what you were coming to me right?” Seungcheol asked. He looked confused… rightfully so, but he also looked determined. “I’ll talk to Sungsoo.”

He raised his phone.

“I’ll call Mina and get you on that show.”

You nodded.

“Okay, okay I should talk to Jihoon,” you mumbled. “Tell him what’s happening.”

You paused, mulling over what you had just said. For a moment, you stared at Jeonghan and Seungcheol. Jeonghan, who had an expression of pure pity written on his face.

There was something to be said about Jeonghan. When it came to you he wasn’t always good at hiding his emotions. Maybe it was something that you two had fed into each other.

Two people great at hiding their emotions, awful doing it to one another. Something that had fed into your relationship with Jihoon. You chewed uncertainly on your bottom lip.

“A break means I don’t need to tell him everything... Doesn’t it?”

You were used to Jeonghan telling you bluntly that you were an idiot when it came to relationship things. He had been so relentless when teasing you about everything with Jihoon.

“You should focus on clearing his name, I think.”

Seeing him tell you something like that so seriously made your heart stop.

“Yeah.”

You glanced at Seungcheol, wondering what he could possibly think of you now that he knew that your screwed up actions were the reason that Seventeen might become a twelve-member group.

You looked away, pressing your eyes tightly shut.

That was a can of worms to open another day. Now, what you needed to focus on was clearing Jihoon’s name.

You had an interview to get to.

“So, you know why you’re here, I know why you’re here. Does your company?”

You laughed along with Mina, but your heart was not on the same track as you. It was still beating out of your chest. You thought for sure that Mina could hear it but she just smiled at you.

“So you and Jihoon? Hate his guts, forced to date. Tell me what that was like.”

“Honestly?” You said. Mina nodded.

“Honestly.”

You could barely hear her over your heart. And it was hot. Why were these studio lights so hot? It was like they were burning your skin.

“I hated it,” you breathed. “Oh my god, can you imagine? You spend years hating everything about this guy. His attitude, the way he talked to you, the way he talked to others, how he spends all his time locked up in his studio neglecting his friends.”

You interrupted yourself to blow air out of your mouth briskly.

“To start I just... We couldn’t stop arguing. I kept picking fights with him. Actually, I always picked fights with him. He just walked in a room and I would find a reason to fight with him.”

“You?” Mina asked, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise. “You would pick fights?”

“All the time. Jihoon would do absolutely nothing just... Breath and I would find a reason to yell at him about something stupid. I was so unreasonable.”

You shook your head.

“No one really thinks I would be like that. But I was, for so long I was just so unreasonable towards him.”

“Yeah but... I mean we’ve all read the article. He deserved it. He must have and you had to fake date him over it!”

“I used to think that he deserved it too,” you said. “I used to think I was this poor tortured person who had to date someone who was absolutely terrible.”

You looked up at Mina.

“You know what the worst part about pretending to date someone is?”

Mina leaned in like you were going to impart on her some huge secret.

“What?” She asked.

“You get to know them,” you replied, with a slow nod. “Fake dating Jihoon was hard but only because I began to realize that I hated him for no reason at all.”

Mina scoffed.

“No reason?”

“None Mina. Jihoon is kind, and thoughtful. The sort of person who looks out for those he cares about. He’s soft-spoken with people he doesn’t know, but he is always looking out for the other trainees.

He’s dedicated to his work. To a fault really. He is so obsessed with being good, showing everyone that he deserves the position he has worked so hard for. I used to think he was cold, but seeing the side of him that I got lucky enough to be shown I know that I was wrong.

I didn’t deserve to get to know him.”

You shrugged, looking down at your hands.

“I was horrible to him. I yelled at him, accused him of awful things. He had a crush on me. I turned someone who had a crush on me against me for no reason at all.”

You looked back up at Mina, giving her a pressed smile.

“I know that article seems incriminating, and Jihoon is easy to hate, but know that he is really easy to...” You trailed off. You missed him. “Jihoon is really easy to love. Take it from someone who used to hate him because I didn’t know him. He is the best person I have ever met in my life, and I love him so much.”

Your trip back to your dorm was lonely. It was cold, and it was wet, and it was lonely.

So when you turned down your hall to your dorm and you saw a familiar figure leaning against the door to your dorm, you felt like you could cry.

Your arms fell limply to your sides, a pout spreading over your face. You stared at Jihoon from across the hall.

“Breaks are stupid,” you whined. Jihoon’s head popped up, and his eyes met yours. A small smile crossing his lips.

“We’ve been on a break for...” He trailed off and glanced at his watch. “Not even twelve hours.”

“And it’s stupid,” you replied. “Really stupid.”

You didn’t wait for Jihoon to give you permission, or to say anything more. You rushed across the hall and threw yourself against him, pressing your face into his chest.

“Stupid,” you mumbled into his chest. He laughed, wrapping his arms around you.

“Hey... Thanks for going on that show,” he said. You nodded.

“Yeah. It’s the least I could do.”

Jihoon was silent again for a while.

“Did you mean what you said on the show?” He asked. You looked up at him from his chest.

“Of course, I did,” you said. You thought back to what you said and suddenly warmth began to spread to your cheeks. You felt like you were burning against Jihoon. Had you really said all those stupid things? “Don’t be dumb Jihoon. Of course I meant every word.”

Jihoon scoffed.

“You always going to be like this?” He asked. “Resort to insulting me whenever you get embarrassed.”

Your face burned and you hid it into Jihoon’s chest.

“Yeah.”

“Good,” he mumbled. “Let’s get you to bed, okay?”

You nodded, and looked up and just as you did, Jihoon pressed his lips to yours, dragging you into a brief kiss.

“I love you too.”

#I hope you guys like this because I like it and it ruined my life for a week so that says something #woozi #woozi angst #woozi seventeen #woozi svt #woozi fanfiction #woozi fanfic #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen fanfic #svt fanfiction #svt fanfic #svt woozi #svt jihoon #svt lee jihoon #lee jihoon fanfiction #lee jihoon fanfic

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dogearedheart · 2 months

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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)

#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to #i don't want to make people uncomfortable #and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane #it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions #and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any #of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you #it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done #such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical #and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt #of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything #i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not #visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness #is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow #i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace #i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie #life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do #this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals #and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting #them that was never my intention. i promise #so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about #you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to #navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate #the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people #not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too #I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking #brain of mine.

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strikersin · 3 months

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If my Actual Real Life Father saw this blog I wouldn't even be able to die. I would just live. LOL. At that point I guess we have different things to worry about .

But I can see his confused and perplexuated reaction . Haha. It's actually cute

#hello demons.#demons: heyyyy michael #spit take #OKAY let's get into it. basically i am an adult now and i have had my privacy respected as far as i know for a few years #however. it's been violated enough that it's really hard to trust that (impossible challenge). so like either i can Do This.see what happens #or i can behave in only socially acceptable ways (not post at all and not exist) which i already tried for years on end haha. didn't work?#well yes it did <4 i was extremely isolated.#OH HI BROTHER thanks for the wind. in the bathroom for some reasons. aha #^ speaking of this guy? he makes me pee sometimes. i will elaborate #auughauughh it's just it would be really bad and FYO SAID DADDY OVER THE PHONE. I knew this would happen.#i actually cringe so hard im so glad im one of us that accepts being in a system because <3 i cannot deal with that.#anyway it was never addressed and let's hope it never is. or that everyone's dream incest fantasy comes to life. writing that down jusincase #hahahahaha. i would die im going insane over this!#well. cmon. she was terrified and it was like world ending kinda. Like If We Weren't So Sick we would have killed . no we would have lived.#but it would have been hell!#hello Little brother possessing a gnat. i see you. ig logically this means i should take the trash out.#soon .#Norway gahgahgah i can't Believe she did that. it could have DesTroyed everything. but so far it didn't.#I'm not going to say he didn't notice it because we've Never Said That In Our Lives but hopefully it's overshadowed or forgotten or #god forbid. touching #(yeah touching MYSEL— aw i ruined it? damn)#great work everyone

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us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2 · 3 months

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me: logs onto tumblr

also me: oh my fucking god this is real life I fucking forgot this isn’t a daydream NOT AGAIN

#-pop #You know that feeling that’s like “oh I’m watching a tv show” that’s me with my entire life I forget sometimes I am a normal human person #and not a character who’s doing a play or something I have been doing to much Role playing recently with my friend I think it’s giving me-#problems again fuck.#I hope I don’t randomly start getting original characters stuck in my head again because UH OH THIS WILL BE BAD THIS TIME #*stares at the characters me and my friend has concocted* no I don’t want this guy to take over for me even though I know in my heart of-#hearts they will do a better job then me at coping with new stress thing and I won’t start dying of stress again #AAAAAAAA #NgI do not need a grub war criminal with a heart change of heart on the war criminal thing in my head please no I can’t deal with it #I do not need a capitalist war criminal grub in my head please if it happens I have no fucking idea what I will do I can barely keep the-#Whole slew of Batman characters from fronting and ruining our lives those guys would literally run off never to be seen again no joke #and I’ll come to in like the middle of fucking nowhere because they are on the no front list along with crimson and a few others #As soon as I figure out my life and get a house and a income it will be different but until then I must wrangle these fuckers so-#no one ruins our livessssssssss

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krokodilesideshow · 8 months

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You see, if i ever write a dramatic backstory for Fredrik, you can be sure on one thing;

It will entirely be based off Slaughter to Prevail songs.

#txt #they are a deathcore band that sings about death and misery if you dunno #help i'm on TF's last island and i've been thinking about my walrus man for the entire playthrough JEJSJWJEIE #i love him so much this is the only game he will ever relevant in <333 #he so mean tho he literally ruined a guy's birthday just because yes #i think i never associated a band with a character so hard as i associate him with them #the entire vibe the lyrics the agressiveness AAAAAAAA its just like himmmmmm #i hope one day he gets with his scaly friend and his wooden friend to make their enemy's life impossible it'd be very funny

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selfcontainedunivcrse · 9 months

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VWOOP can you tell me about serens story 👀

HI I would love to tell you about my little guy…

So. First of all, he is from minecraft :3. He is very meta about Minecraft, bc well. I like this sort of a framing :]. And uses a lot of headcanons about the Minecraft multiverse and servers and how the game is structured. Out of universe, this kind of translates to being a wannabe modder.

He goes through three stages of life basically. He hangs out around a traditional server that devolves into violent conflict, in the way that servers sometimes do. Enough horrors happen that he just escapes. He does not identify a life before this. I don’t have a full cast for here yet but he does know a foil to himself named Requiem, and a meek redstoner with a mech-type. It’s supposed to be like a mid-sized SMP, and I think he held some sort of power before it devolved into The Horrors. (The supporting characters don’t come up again to him, though Req exists sort of like . As an allegory to him. In my brain.)

So, he dips. Without knowing what else to do, he becomes an adventurer traveling from server to server. Mechanically like a Wandering Trader. I have a servers in general headcanon that most servers can be left either though proper server navigation via communicator/portals/what have you, or you can walk far enough with the intention to leave and then end up in the realm of singleplayer and LAN worlds. You can return to your own singleplayer world/s easily through VIbes, but finding the same small servers/LAN worlds over and over on foot is difficult. He is primarily traveling on foot. He passes through a lot of servers and does not like what he sees at all, a lot of them devolving into similar senseless violence that happened to himself and his friends. He’s especially bothered by roleplay canonicity that goes beyond the regular mechanics Of Minecraft, like death/ghosts or giving power to random things in the world (like the Crimson Egg, HC Big Moon, stuff like that). He tries to learn more about the world through his adventuring, going beyond just being a trader of sorts to go on an Uncovering Secrets of the Universe quest. He starts to follow the research of other people who’ve done so, and basically ends up in modded minecraft.

It’s worth noting that at this point in his life, he’s also a smug little fool. He’s into the glory and the adrenaline of adventuring. He wants to go dungeoncrawling and almost die. This is fun and epic and he’s showing off.

Notably, in his modded adventurers, he picks up a questionably-implemented little creature. It’s some sort of unofficial cobblemon expansion with more Minecraft themed forms, like Nether and End themed. It’s incredibly experimental and he’d never come across worlds with it again. He names an ender wooper Vwoop and they’re his little companion, because adventuring is nice, but sort of lonely, and you can bucket them like an axolotl so its convenient. One day they start talking. He does not know enough about cobblemon to dispute this, but it can hold a weapon, so they’re adventuring partners now…?

And adventuring partners they are. They’re having a nice time. They’re some of the adventurers ever, even. Seren does the heavy lifting, but Vwoop is also here. Seren is forming new hypothesises about the world based on what he’s seeing. He’s come to some conclusions about the will of players shaping the world. (Vwoop asserts this isn’t that bad of a thing – he started talking to Vwoop like a person, and Vwoop became a person, in the style of mob NPCs/kids. Is that so bad?). Regardless, they are out here having a generally nice time. Showing off. Discovering things, pawning off rare items, having near-death experiences. Seren’s not afraid of his near-death experiences, he’s a confident respawner, but he is a bit nervous for Vwoop, considering they ARE just some creature.

Until he gets his own canon horrors! They’re exploring. They come across a dungeon. Cion lives here, and is NOT a fan of adventurers who believe that they can just do whatever they want. He was hibernating. Cion is significantly OP at this state in time, as he is actively cheating, and attacks the two. He’s easy on Vwoop, since they seem just to be going along with Seren, but leave Seren with a pretty bad withered scar on his shoulder where Cion claws him. You are not supposed to get scars in Minecraft. Seren dislikes this wholeheartedly. He respawns later on (Cion lets them go, he just wants to make a point) and it is still there.

Seren writes this off as a skill issue. He got scared and let getting hurt mean something to him. He would not do it again. He solidifies his conspiracy theory of canonicity. He doesn’t have any real desire to settle down, so it’s not hard to try to keep his identity insular and not really latch on to anything hard enough that it would impact him. And this is his adventurer arc.

Somehow, Vwoop gets isekaid. I. I don’t know this part. I think Cion is involved again, but it’s not necessarily purposeful. Regardless, they are separated, and nobody likes this. Seren gets his emo arc. He tries to use what he’s learned about modding, and how some people were able to alter the universe, to somehow translate this to necromancy. To bring back his little guy. To do this he also settles down into a very small LAN world, and essentially gets super depressed.

He is not very good at necromancy. (Vwoop is, also, not even dead! He doesn’t know this though). Instead, he creates another creature, which he also calls Vwoop. As it’s sort of a clone, he just presumes that it has memory loss for the first little while. He was also wholeheartedly not intending to be a parent. He doesn’t know how to be a parent. Honestly I’m not entirely sure how to title their relationship ooc, Vwoop considers him to be its sibling and Seren does not label it at all. However, he does have to raise it, because it has fully not seen the world before. And he does so very poorly. They live above a small shop set up for other travelers and trade modded items that he’d collected in his adventuring days, which he considers to be over. Instead he spends his time doing totally ethical science to try to crack modding, getting very into the idea of being able to control the physical world himself. Especially as his paranoia of the horrors of self-destructing server communities grow. He wants to be more than just a player and not be subject to such things. Enforcing his belief is proximity to the aforementioned cheater, Cion, as they basically become neighbours, and this kind of spirals.

They stay in a small community mostly comprised of people coming and going, and also Cion, much to Seren’s displeasure. Cion enjoys poking around in his personal life. Seren’s not doing great. He can muster customer service, and that’s pretty much it. Vwoop is increasingly aware about the nature of its existence, how depressed Seren is that it’s not *the* Vwoop, and also that it longs to explore for itself. While he trades modded items, it trades books, collecting accounts of other players’ experiences and stories and mythologies about other worlds. This drives them further apart, because it absolutely embodies Seren’s fears about the corrosiveness of servers. Eventually things come to a head with Vwoop figuring out more and more of his totally ethical science, and other creatures that he’s made and disposed of in the process of trying to perfect Vwoop. Eventually it makes the decision that it needs to live for itself, after they get into a fight (a physical one, on account of... Vwoop.). So it leaves quietly one night. (... after stealing his identity. It swipes his communicator on the way out.)

He does not know what to do now.

#and the universe said you are not alone!#have you played the game well?#< vwoop + seren tags . respectively #popcornsalty #I need an ask tag ......#[MCRP]#[protovwoop]#SORRY FOR WRITING AN ESSAY. I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HIM.....#they r a guy. For sure #TLDR he does a 180 in personality and settles down just like he never said he would because he just really really wants his little friend -#back. hope this helps #And It Doesn't Even Work. Because everyone is miserable #Sometime between being an adventurer and creating vwoop2 he changes his appearence. Gets his silly sidebraid. gives themselves the pika ear #+ tail thru experimenting for recreating vwoop. Starts wearing purple gloves because the skin on one of his arm is withered. It gets worse #when he gets depressed.#Cion honestly did not mean to like ruin this guys life. He just wanted to humble some adventurer upstart.#Seren is about to do something horrible in front of him to change the trajectory of Cion's life forever #Sprinkles mc worldbuilding headcanons in my guy. Unsure exactly how he comes to the Servers consume you concept TBH but I think it's fun #get absorbed by the narrative !

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javierpena-inatacvest · 14 days

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Me, You, and Baby, Too

Summary: You and Joel have always wanted kids, but didn't want to rush into having them until you both were ready. After a surprise at his job, Joel realizes there's nothing more he wants to do than put a baby in you as soon as he gets home.

Pairing: Husband!Joel Miller x Wife!Reader (no use of y/n)

Word Count: 4.1K

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (it's baby making time, so hush), oral (f receiving), vaginal fingering, big ole fat and nasty breeding kink (.... don't look at me it's bad), creampie, cum play, talks of starting a family, calling Joel "Daddy" (in the sense you want to have his babies, but also 🤷🏼‍♀️), Sweet soft Joel who loves his wife and would give her the universe if he could, honestly with just the way Joel is talking about makin' babies, I think I'm pregnant

A/N: It's that time of the month where Madeline ovulates and writes feral breeding kink smut!!! 🤪 Okay I am so nervous to post this because I have never written for Joel before and I'm worried it's trash with a capital T, but after re-watching TLOU, I need 2003 Joel Miller carnally, so here we are. This is also inspired by @mrsmando post about 2003 Joel Miller constantly keeping you barefoot and pregnant because it made me unwell, and no lies were told. (thanks for ruining my life mimi) 🤠 ANYWHO I hope you guys like it, and if not, I'll shut up and go back to writing Javi and Frankie and pretend like this didn't happen

There were a lot of stereotypical answers that you expected from your husband when you asked him how his day at work had been:

“Good.”

“Fine.”

“Long.”

“My knees are killin’ me.”

“Tommy did somethin’ fuckin’ stupid again.”

“Better now that I’m home with you.”

So when Joel arrived home today after a new job he had started with Tommy on a bathroom renovation, there were few things that could have prepared you for the response your husband had when you asked him how his day had gone.

“Hey, honey. How was your day today?” You smiled, watching Joel stroll in through your front door, kicking off his work boots at the entryway, beginning to put away his things before strolling into the kitchen to greet you.

“Pretty good." He paused, leaning in for a quick kiss before making his way over to the closet before speaking again. "Saw a real cute baby today.”

You could practically feel your heart skip a beat as you looked up from the vegetables you had been cutting up for dinner, tightening the grip you had around your knife to make sure you didn’t drop it in shock.

Out of all the things for Joel to bring up on the first day at a new job, a cute baby had been at the top of the list.

Not floor plans.

Not timelines for the project.

Not something stupid that Tommy did.

Not even what he had done today on the job.

The top news that Joel Miller had to report back to you about his day was the sighting of a cute baby.

You and Joel had always agreed that you’d wanted kids, and your husband had been not only adamant, but genuinely excited at the prospect of becoming a dad. But only being a little less than a year into your marriage, the two of you had decided you didn’t want to rush into anything, and when the time felt right, you’d both know it.

But one by one, as your friends began to announce their pregnancies, baby showers, and pictures of their adorable newborns, you couldn’t help but deny the baby fever starting to burn hotter and hotter inside you with every passing day.

You’d brought it up in passing a few times with Joel, talking about your friends who had kids, or a cute mom and her children you saw walking around in your neighborhood, and while he had always had a positive response to what you had to say, you just had a feeling that now just wasn’t the time for the two of you yet, and that was okay.

But here you were, standing in your kitchen, jaw practically scraping the ground at the notion that your husband had dropped just about the least subtle hint ever that babies weren’t just at the forefront of your mind- they were on his, too.

“Awh, really?” You asked, shaking your head to snap out of your shocked state, returning back to dice the onion you had been working on before Joel could turn around to see you after finishing hanging up his things in the closet, trying to subtly coax more information out of him.

“Yeah.” He smiled, joining you in the kitchen, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you closer to his chest for a soft kiss to greet you, “The family we’re startin’ the bathroom reno for just moved in. Had their first baby a few months ago and just hadn’t had time to work on fixin’ things.”

“So they’re already putting the baby to work with you and Tommy?” You teased, raising an eyebrow at Joel playfully, giving him a quick peck back on the lips as he laughed at your sass.

“Cheap labor.” Joel shrugged back, playing into the joke, “Nah, she woke up from her nap while Tommy and I were runnin’ through some measurements so her mom brought her out for the last lil bit we were there. She was damn cute, too. Just smilin’ and laughin’ at everything.”

You were glad Joel’s arm was still wrapped around your hip, because you were convinced if it wasn’t, you were about to melt to the floor into a puddle, watching how soft and sweet Joel was talking about a cute, smiling baby.

“Well a cute baby definitely sounds like a very nice perk of being on the job.” You smirked, trying to play it cool enough to keep your heart from bursting out of your chest.

“Yeah.” Joel replied softly, quietly pausing for a moment, watching the gears turning in his brain, carefully calculating his words before he spoke.

“You okay?” You asked, looking up at Joel, knowing your husband well enough that he had something on his mind he was trying to work up the confidence to spit out.

Joel looked back down at you, big brown eyes locking with yours as his grip around your waist tightened ever so slightly, tongue swiping against his plush bottom lip as he took a long, deep breath in and slow exhale out.

“Honey, what is it?” You asked again, now slightly concerned with how nervous your husband looked in his stoic silence, reaching up to gently wrap your fingers around his arm, thumb stroking his skin.

“I want one.”

You froze, worried that your heart may have actually stopped as you looked at Joel, making sure that you had really just heard what he had said.

“W-what?”

“I want one. A baby. I- I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked about it, but I’ve been thinkin’ about it a lot, and seein’ that baby today, it just- shit, I just couldn’t stop picturin’ what it would be like to have one of our own I guess.”

If you weren’t a puddle before, you sure as fuck were now.

An overwhelming sensation of nerves and excitement began thrumming through your veins, your heart beat pounding in your ears as your face grew warm and a smile started to spread between your cheeks. You were almost certain you had to be dreaming, asking again to make sure that someone needed to come and wake you up and send you back to reality.

“Joel… Really?”

“Yeah, really. Nothin’ I want more. I know I ain’t gonna even be close to the perfect dad, but I know you’ll be sucha good mom, and I’ll be damned if I don’t want some tiny lil versions of us runnin’ around. Couldn’t think of anything that would make me happier than that. Like I said, I know that we ain’t talked about in a while, and if ya aren’t ready yet that’s okay but I-”

Before Joel could even finish the rest of his thought, you were pressing up to plant your lips to his with passionate intensity, hands roaming up his chest before cupping his jaw and the scratchy stubble of his cheeks while your stomach flipped with arousal and want, already feeling a damp patch beginning to pool in the cotton of your underwear.

You pulled away, kisses traveling along his jawline and up his neck until you were nipping at his ear, the hot breath of your words whispering against his skin.

“You wanna make a baby, Joel Miller?”

“Fuck-” Joel groaned, reaching his other arm around you grab at your ass, pulling you in tight enough to feel the bulge beginning to grow under the denim of his worn jeans, pressing against your thigh.

“‘Cause there’s nothing that I want more than to make you a daddy.” You smirked, looking up to watch Joel’s eyes darken with lust, jaw going slack as a low groan rumbled in his chest, his once half hard cock now fully erect and straining against his zipper, trying to keep from giggling watching your husband try to string together any sort of thoughts to speak.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ-” He moaned, running his hand over his face to try and regain his composure to keep from busting right then and there. “You- fuck, you sure, baby?”

“Mhmmmm. Don’t think I’ve ever been so sure of anything in my whole life. So sure,” you paused, softly pressing your lips to his between words, “that I think we should go make one right now.”

Your adamant confirmation was all it took to set off something almost animalistic in Joel, crashing his lips back into yours in a messy clash of tongues and teeth, gripping his hands under your thighs to hoist you up around his hips and lock your legs behind the small of his back. Without ever letting your mouths part, Joel was already halfway to the bedroom before you had even realized it, playfully giggling at how frantically he was carrying you down the hallway, your bodies bumping against the walls and door frames, too focused on desperate and needy kisses for any sort of spatial awareness.

Finally reaching your bed, Joel carefully laid you down, letting your back fall into the mattress, leaving your lower half to hang off the edge before your husband was on his knees, settling himself between your parted thighs.

You sat up on your elbows, watching as Joel tightened his grip around the meat of your legs, peppering kisses up the inside of each across your soft skin before coming face to face with your core, planting another soft kiss there before letting his fingers ghost over your heat, still covered by your jeans.

He rapidly worked at the button of your pants, shuffling them down off your hips to reveal your underwear, now absolutely soaked with arousal from the prospect alone of Joel knocking you up and carrying his baby.

“Jesus Christ, baby girl, look at ‘cha.” Joel tutted, admiring how the cotton of your underwear clung to the outline of your cunt, sticking to the puffy and swollen lips of your pussy from how wet you were. “Haven’t even touched ya yet. This all for me, darlin’?”

Just as you began to try and answer, Joel took one of his fingers, barely dragging it over the damp fabric before beginning to rub soft circles over your covered clit, eliciting a pathetic whimper from you at the electric sensation.

“F-fuck- It’s all for you, b-baby.” You stammered, moaning even louder as a second finger joined the first, pressing more pressure into you sensitive nub as he nudged each of your legs to drape over his shoulders, his free hand tugging at the waistband of your underwear, making you instinctually lift your hips as he yanked them off your legs to crumple in a messy pile with your pants.

“Prettiest fuckin’ pussy I’ve ever seen.” Joel mewled, running his fingers up and down through the weeping seams of your folds, toying with your entrance while draping his arm across your hips to hold your squirming lower half in place. “Wants me to fuck her full of me and fill her up so bad, huh?”

“P-please, Joel. Want you to fill me up so badly.” You whimpered, staring down at your husband, a devilish grin spread across his face, licking his lips as his eyes darted back and forth between your blissed out face and the glistening mess between your thighs.

“I will sweetheart, promise. Gotta taste you first though, baby. Gotta make sure you’re nice n’ready for me. ‘Cause once we start, I ain’t lettin’ you outta this bed ‘till I knock you up.”

With that, Joel was diving between your legs, lapping you up in long and firm strokes, pressing against your clit in the way he knew would make you fall apart under his tongue. While he would have loved to have spend hours just like this, making you writhe under his touch, drinking up your arousal like a wandering man parched in the heat of the desert, Joel had one thing on his mind, and one thing only-

To get you pregnant.

Joel began to intensify the pace of his tongue, swirling and sucking around your clit as two of his thick fingers pushed into your heat, sliding in and out of your entrance with ease from how wet and worked up you were. Curling his fingers ever so slightly, you cried out as Joel bumped against your g-spot, pushing against the soft, spongy spot as his tongue worked its magic.

You could feel the arousal shooting through your veins, heat beginning to bloom in your stomach as Joel fucked you with his fingers and mouth, shooting your hand down to grab fistfulls of his thick, brown hair to brace yourself for your impending orgasm.

“J-Joel, oh fuck- Fuck, baby, I’m c-close. Don’t stop, please, don’t stop.” You whined, pussy beginning to flutter around Joel’s fingers, the tightening only egging him on further to get you to cross the finish line.

With just a little more pressure of his tongue, Joel could feel your cunt clamping down around his digits, watching the pleasure shoot through your body as you came, your orgasm crashing through you like a tsunami.

As you reached your high, Joel drank up your arousal, not faltering in his pace, too focused on your pretty cries of his name being chanted like a prayer to do anything but keep going and making you feel good.

Truth be told, Joel had gotten so lost between your thighs, the only thing stopping him was the tensing feeling between his, so pussy drunk and determined to fuck you full of him that he was worried he was about to cum too if he didn’t stop.

Pulling off you, Joel frantically stood up, racing to undo his belt and jeans, yanking them down his legs in tandem with his boxers as his cock slapped against his stomach, precum already pearling from his tip, desperate to be inside of you. His shirt quickly followed his pants, ripping it over his head as his broad body caged yours under him, helping you to scoot back on the bed until your head hit the pillows, trailing kisses up and down your body the whole way.

As Joel kissed and nipped at your skin, you quickly shuffled off your top and bra, leaving you bare beneath him, moaning as his tongue flicked against each of your newly exposed pebbled nipples, grouping your breast and kneading the soft flesh in his palms.

Even though you had just came, you could already feel your cunt starting to clench around nothing, desperate to feel Joel inside of you, to stretch you out with his thick cock and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight. But with the way your chest was heaving and breath shaking from your orgasm, you could barely muster out the words you wanted.

“J-Joel, p-please, baby. P-please.”

You snaked your hand between your bodies to reach for Joel’s cock, wrapping your fingers around his length and swiping your thumb over his leaking tip, a low groan rumbling in his chest as you stroked him, trying to guide him to slide between your legs and ease your ache.

Lowering his hips, you moved your hand and let his replace it, Joel pumping himself a few times before guiding his tip between your folds, collecting your slick to coat his cock, using every last ounce of self-control he had as his eyes locked with yours, wanting to see your face as he pushed inside you.

“Please, what, darlin’?” Joel teased, knowing damn well what you were begging for.

“Need to feel you, Joel. Need you to put a baby in me.” You moaned, reaching up to grab his face, your palm rubbing against his stubble as your fingers tugged on the curls at the nape of his neck.

With one more pump, Joel lined himself up with your entrance, sliding into your heat, the sweet stretch and sting of his length making the breath hitch in the back of your throat, filling you up inch by inch until he bottomed out inside you with his tip just kissing your cervix.

Joel couldn’t help but smirk as he watched your mouth fall open, parted lips letting a soft moan escape while your eyes nearly rolled to the back of your head at the newfound sensation, giving you another moment to adjust before he began to slowly roll his hips, dragging his cock in and out of your core.

“Christ, baby girl, so wet and tight. Like this pussy was made just for me. Made for me to fuck ya full of me until it’s got no choice but to fuckin’ take.” Joel groaned, reaching down to grab your thighs, pinning your knees to your chest, stretching you open to take Joel even deeper, practically feeling him in your stomach with the position he had you in.

“Joel, oh my god- fuck, you feel so good. Fuck, baby. Want you to fill me up so bad.” You whimpered, Joel now beginning to pick up his pace as he thrust in and out of you, continually punching in that perfect spot over and over again, leaving your brain bordering on short circuiting.

Joel’s fingertips dug deeper into the flesh of your thighs, pushing your legs down just far enough to be chest to chest with you, the sweat dampened curls of his forehead brushing against yours as your mouths met in an electric kiss, catching each other’s muffled moans with each snap of Joel’s hips.

“Yeah, sweetheart? Want me to fill you up? Fuck a baby into you? Let everyone see what a pretty momma you are, carryin’ our kid?” Joel grunted, picturing you, months from now, belly round and tits swollen, pregnant with your baby, wondering how many you’d let him give you, because fuck, he’d keep knocking you up until he had nothing left to give.

Each push and pull of your bodies against each other felt more and more electric, an undeniable coil tightening in your stomach with the way Joel was pounding into you and the hairs at the base of his cock were brushing against your clit, already feeling yourself beginning to teeter on the brink of pleasure once again.

“Yes, fuck, fuck- yes, Joel. I wanna have your baby. Want you to knock me up so I can make you a daddy. Please, baby, please.” You were all but sobbing at this point, your fingers digging into the tan and sweat sheened skin of Joel’s broad shoulders, overwhelmed by the lewd combinations of Joel’s heavy pants in your ear and wet squelching of your pussy as his pelvis flushed against yours repeatedly.

Joel could feel you beginning to tighten around him, pussy sucking him in with its warmth and wetness, ready to clamp around his cock and milk him for all he was worth.

“That’s it, darlin’, I know you’re close. Gotta cum for me first though, baby girl. Gotta feel ya soak me before I stuff ya so full of me, I swear t’god, you’ll be drippin’ outta me for days. So fuckin’ full that I’ll get you pregnant right now.” Joel groaned through gritted teeth, leaning back to reach and grab your leg, wrapping it around the small of his back before you lifted your other to join it, locking your ankles to keep him as close to you as possible.

“Joel, oh my god, fuck baby, fuck, I’m gonna- fuckfuckfuck-”

Suddenly, your orgasm was rushing through every inch of you, crying out as the pleasure hit you like a freight train, choking Joel’s cock with your pussy, unable to do anything but relish in the white hot bliss that had you nearly floating out of your own body.

While Joel would have kept fucking you until the sun went down, the truth was he was relieved to feel you cum, spending every second since your agreement in the kitchen trying to keep from finishing until he was balls deep inside you and you were soaking his cock as you reached your high. The realization that now was his chance to make good on his promise, to fill you up and fuck a baby into you, ignited something primal, feral, in him, pounding into you at a punishing pace as he could feel himself teetering on the brink of collapse right with you.

“That’s my girl. That’s it, cum all over my cock, baby. Shit, I’m gonna cum too, fuck- gonna fill this tight lil pussy up so goddamn much, give you a baby, make you a momma, oh fuck!”

With one final stutter of his hips, Joel let out a strangled moan, flushing his hips against yours as he milked himself of every last drop, painting your warm, wet walls with hot ropes of his spend, making sure nothing went to waste.

He couldn’t help but but press even further into you, plugging you with his length and fucking his cum as deep as he could into your cunt to make sure it took, collapsing on top of you with his cock still buried in your heat, letting your chests heave together in sync as you both caught your breath.

Joel was convinced he had never cum so much in his entire life, afraid that if he pulled out, that somehow he’d have more left to give, and sure as fuck wasn’t going to risk letting anything coming out of him end up not inside of you.

Well, not until your muffled grunt rumbled beneath him.

“Joel, baby, I love you but you’re kinda squishing me.” You huffed, giggling to yourself as you watched your husband come-to in real time out of his post-orgasmic state, immediately offering a half muttered apology as he rolled off you, sitting back on his knees to admire the shiny and slick mess between your legs.

“Fuck me…” Joel murmured to himself, eyes wide as he stared at your pussy- wet, puffy and soaking with your arousal, bringing his fingers to your spent hole as he watched a dribble of his cum begin to leak out. Gently scooping it up, he collected everything he could, pressing it back into your cunt before pulling his hand out. Crawling up the bed to lay next to you, Joel wrapped you up in his arms as the little spoon, peppering ticklish kisses over your back and shoulders, making you burst into laughter.

“Joel, stop! That tickles!” You squealed, squirming in his grasp, trying to defend yourself from his unrelenting attack of soft, plush lips and scratchy beard dancing across your skin.

“Don’t laugh so damn hard, or all my hard work’s ‘bout to come out!” Joel teased, giving you a playful nudge, pulling you in even closer.

“Stop making me laugh, then! Plus, I think you came enough to put quadruplets inside of me, so I think we’ll be okay.” You snorted, Joel joining in on the laughter.

“Baby, I don’t think I’ve ever came that hard in my whole goddamn life.” Joel sighed, shrugging as you rolled your head up to look at him and that stupid goofy grin he got whenever he couldn’t contain his excitement about something. “God, I love you.”

“I love you too, Joel.”

The two of you sat in a comfortable silence for a moment, Joel slowly bringing his arm to rest across your stomach, thumb slowly tracing careful circles on your skin.

“You’re gonna make such a good mom. I’m the luckiest man alive that you wanna have a family with me. Still not really sure what I ever did to deserve it.”

“Joel! You’re gonna make me cry! And this is before pregnancy hormones, ya jerk.” You tried to laugh, choking back the tears welling in your eyes.

“Yeah, what a jerk, your husband tellin’ you how much he loves you.” He teased back, planting a long kiss on your temple, before pressing another one to your lips. Another wave of soft silence followed, watching Joel’s face scrunch in a calculated concentration. “How big of a crib you think I gotta make? I don’t know ‘bout a rockin’ chair, but a crib can’t be that hard. I gotta measure the guest room tomorrow.”

“Honey, I don’t even know if I’m pregnant yet, you don’t need to have a crib built tomorrow.” You teased, laughing at Joel, despite the fact his mind was already thinking about a baby room and accessories had you melting.

“Sweetheart, what did I say earlier? I ain’t lettin’ you outta this bed ‘till we know there’s a baby in there.” He smirked, nodding at his hand still splayed across your stomach, “So you better get comfortable, ‘cause if it’s up to me, there ain’t a chance in hell we’re gettin’ anything but a positive pregnancy test at the end of this month, and we'll sure need that crib nine months from now. Never hurts to get a head start."

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ikeuverse · 3 months

Text

TWO WORLDS — p.sunghoon

PAIRING: sunghoon x fem!reader GENRES: angst, smut, slight fluff WC: 7.6k+

WARNINGS: some swearing, alcohol consumption, controlling father, a little argument. sex on the kitchen worktop, quick female masturbation, unprotected sex (pack before use, and do it safely!!!), cumming inside, sunghoon is too soft for now, i think that's it. lmk if i missed anything.

SYNOPSIS: you and sunghoon have known each other since university, but you belong to different worlds. that wouldn't be a factor that would prevent you and him from getting together, if it weren't for the fear of confessing to each other and, when that happened, you wouldn't be able to tell him that you were going away… to another country.

NOTES: i went through so many plots until i ended up with this one. it was my work after more than a month of writer's block, so i can't say if i'm satisfied with it or not. but at least it helped me write something. all feedback is appreciated, so i hope you like it!

part 2 | masterlist

You thought it would be a good idea to go into the bar even though you had cried for countless hours before being there. Hesitating in that particular place wasn't something new for you, after all, it was where your friends met every Friday night.

You just happened to be there alone and in the middle of a Wednesday. The stress of your daily life and the weight you were carrying for fulfilling the wishes of your self-centered and petty father only made your mind spin and you succumbed to an absurd urge to drop everything and run. And you ran to the bar you knew so well. But not because you needed a drink urgently – although you knew the alcohol would be consumed somehow – but because someone there was your refuge at times like these.

Park Sunghoon was the owner of the best-known and most popular bar. Because he was the epitome of beauty, kind, and polite even in a sea of people who were completely drunk and came to that place looking to dance, rub themselves, and wind up with someone. But he was also known as your best friend since university and the guy who stole your heart.

It was hard not to fall in love with Sunghoon when he treated you so well from the moment you and he shared a few classes. When he brought you a steaming cup of coffee twice a week from his grandfather's coffee shop because you'd been there once and said you liked it. How did he remember that? You wondered every time you took a sip of the drink. But Sunghoon only thought, how could he forget?

All the details surrounding you were hard to forget and he came to realize that this was part of the little feeling that was going on between the two of you, even though Sunghoon was afraid to ask you out. Not because it would ruin the friendship, he was very forward-thinking and knew that neither you nor he would be able to do that because it was something beyond what the two of you shared. But because the worlds in which you and he lived were completely different.

You were studying to improve your knowledge and take over your father's company. You wore social clothes, high heels, and the most expensive imported perfumes so that you could meet your father's clients, who would be yours in the future, while you drank expensive wine and listened to banal conversations. At the same time, Sunghoon studied to understand how the corporate world worked, and business and to be able to take over his grandfather's coffee shop. When he passed away, he left it in his name and turned it into the bar it is today. Wearing shabby clothes, torn jeans, and blouses stained with all kinds of drink and food that he had already lost count of.

The coffee shop would have been very welcome if he was still a university student looking for a part-time job just to make some extra money, but with the end of university and a life full of bills and supporting himself, a bar would make a lot more money because he was now an adult. And adults liked alcohol, loud music, and a lot of flirting.

That's what he thought when he changed everything, from the paintings on the wall to the name of the establishment. His best friends became his partners to help run the bar and that's what helped him get a bit more of a head start on sales and popularity. Because they were well-known people at the university, and with Sunghoon being part of the soccer team and the popular kids, this consequently attracted many people who studied with them to become regular customers there.

You and your friends were one of them. Although you also liked to go to see Sunghoon and his best friends who were also your friends. That's why Fridays became a casual get-together for your group of friends.

But it wasn't today and that made you a little more apprehensive and tearful because it was the first time you'd been to the bar alone. You didn't go in with a friend or one of the boys waiting at the door to take you to the table they'd booked for the night.

Your steps were dragged and nervous as you passed people, bodies sweaty and dancing. Loud conversations as you heard someone cursing a soccer team from last night, another group of friends talking about kissing someone at the next table. You focused on every corner even though you didn't want to focus on anything and just went to the bar, lucky if any of the boys were there.

As soon as you finally got close, a few more steps and you'd be near the counter, but not before stopping and taking a look. Quickly sniffling to try to keep away the tears that were still collecting in your eyes because you didn't want any of your friends to see you cry. If you were lucky, the light in the bar would be so dark that it would camouflage your true face and you could make up an excuse and say that you just stopped by to say hello because you were nearby.

Your hands were hesitant as soon as you touched the counter in the empty space when a couple walked away after picking up their drinks and heading for the dance floor.

"Hello, welcome. What can I do—" Jay was one of Sunghoon's best friends and very much your friend too, not least because he was your best friend's boyfriend "Y/n?" his eyebrows arched in surprise and a small smile appeared on his lips as soon as he saw you.

"Hi, Jay" you tried your best not to sound shaky, although you knew that the volume of the music would mask your true feelings.

"What are you doing here?" he looked at you and then around "Is Stella or the girls with you?"

"No, no. I came alone" you pulled up a stool to sit down, your hands resting on the marble of the counter and your eyes darting to the numerous bottles behind Jay before you focused your gaze on him.

"Did you come for a drink?" he followed your gaze as you turned away momentarily, noticing that you were staring at the whisky bottles. After turning back to you, Jay sighed when you nodded slightly "On a Wednesday?"

"Are you monitoring me, Jongseong?"

"Ugh, I hate it when you all call me that, you sound like you're mad" he snapped and walked over to the side of the whisky bottles. Pulling out a bottle and a shot glass, Jay slid it in front of him and filled some of the contents.

Your eyes flicked to the label, slowly reading Hennessy. The brand was known to you, it was one of the whiskies your father used to drink. Feeling the burning sensation he supposedly felt every time he drank made you shiver, not from the alcohol itself, but from thinking about your father at that moment.

"Thank you" you said to Jay as soon as he held out the glass to you. A small smile captured his lips as you turned the glass over in one go.

"For God's sake, Y/n, take it easy" he warned "If you're having a bad day, this will only get worse."

"One more, please" you tried to ignore his caution. Jay just rolled his eyes and took the empty glass from your hand, filling it much less than the first shot.

Then the second, third, and fourth he didn't even want to say much. Although he had already put a glass of water in with the glass of whisky he had poured for you. Jay's silent request is for you to have at least a little more water next time.

You could protest and grumble at how overprotective he was, remembering how he was with Stella in the first place. Then with you and your other friends because, according to Jay, anyone who looked after his girlfriend also deserved to be looked after. That's why he was so protective and nice to you.

But this overprotection was nothing compared to Sunghoon's with you, and for a second your mind switched off from the fact that he could be there and would show up at any moment. You just didn't realize that it would be abruptly, knocking the glass out of your hand and slamming it against the counter.

"You've had too much to drink" didn't take a genius or being drunk enough to register Sunghoon's voice entering your ears. You only refused to turn towards him, but you felt the boy's presence right behind you.

"I think I'm a customer here today, so Jay, please" you ignored the fact that the glass was next to Sunghoon's hand and pulled it out to hand it to Jay.

You couldn't register his expression when he saw you pick up the glass, because your body was turned just in time along with the stool you were sitting on. Facing Sunghoon, who lowered himself to the level of your face.

"You're going home, right? I'll drive you" he said.

"Nope" you muttered back.

"We're not having this conversation here, Y/n."

"And nowhere else" your pout almost made him give in and lean forward to kiss you, but Sunghoon held back, his hands squeezing the upholstery of the seat you were sitting on and slowly rubbing the side of his thumbs against your leg.

He opened his mouth to say more, to force you out of there, or to make fun of the fact that he had been watching you for a while as you drank and talked to Jay while he served other people at the bar. He wanted to tell you more, to say that his heart was racing with worry because you were never one to drink like that and it was strange to see you so resistant. But all his words fell flat when Sunghoon looked deep into your eyes and saw you crumble.

You let the tears fall freely down your cheeks and the urge to sniffle and sob that you'd been holding in all night now surfaced when he wrapped his arms around you to hold you against his chest.

"Jay, you can take over here, right?" he asked.

"Sure, go ahead, mate" Jay said "Call me if you need anything, me and the boys will lock up here and run to you two."

You could imagine the sad smile Jay was giving Sunghoon to try and comfort him as he lifted you off the bar stool and walked with you through all those drunk people until he left. Still holding you against him for fear that someone might touch you or that you might disappear from his sight, Sunghoon didn't want anything to happen to you.

"Did you come by car?" he asked when the two of you arrived outside. The icy wind didn't even tickle your body because you were so immersed in Sunghoon's arms that you couldn't feel anything.

Pointing in the direction of the parking lot, he pulled you along with him until he was able to locate your car without too much effort.

"I need your keys" he asked, releasing your arms to turn towards you and look at you straight on.

Noticing every little feature of you since you'd arrived at the bar. The office clothes hugged your curves, and every piece of clothing looked great on you. The combinations of turquoise and gray further enhanced your beauty and every feature that Sunghoon had fallen in love with.

"No purse?"

"In the car" you said in a tearful voice, reaching for the keys in the back pocket of the pants you were wearing to hand them to him.

Sunghoon took them and unlocked the alarm for you both to get in, holding the passenger door for you until you sat down and he could close the door. Running to the driver's side and getting in too.

If it had been any other time, that silence between the two of you would have been comfortable and just what you needed amid so much confusion in your week. But it was killing you because you knew that Sunghoon looked furious. Maybe at you, you didn't know for sure, but you shrugged when you felt the tears still falling down your cheeks.

"I'm sorry" you whispered as quietly as you could, breaking the silence inside the car, which was still at a complete standstill.

The only sound coming from Sunghoon's lips were the interspersed sighs he gave, running his hands over his face and then through his hair countless times. Well, your apology shouldn't be accepted, after all, because on another occasion he would say that you didn't need to apologize. That it wasn't your fault or anything to comfort you. But Sunghoon wasn't saying anything and that made you cry even more.

You turned your face towards him to see if there was any glimmer of comfort or something you could cling to so that he wouldn't feel that way. Your eyes traveled down his figure, noticing the contrast in clothing the two of you were wearing. Sunghoon was wearing a beige shirt with a huge stain near the sleeve, probably a drink that some customer had knocked over or that he or the boys had made at the bar. There was a small tear in the collar and it was halfway down his hip. Sunghoon's torn and worn jeans gave the outfit a total charm and it made you smile through your tears because it was so characteristic of him.

"Sunghoon…" you decided to call him after you didn't get an answer from him, earning you his gaze straight away.

Sunghoon's brow furrowed at the sight of you crying next to him and his heart squeezed even tighter because he didn't know how to act in the face of so much worry and nervousness. He had seen you cry many times before, but what had gotten into him to act like that? Why was he being so rude when all you had done was go to his bar to drink and cry? Something was happening and he needed to act, but he wasn't thinking straight.

So he didn't think much of it either when he turned and raised his hands to hold your face, bringing your face close to his and leaning his forehead against yours. That act in itself was something between you and him beyond intimacy. Something the two of you shared, in a mute attempt to convey the will to go further. To break through that barrier to touch lips and kiss. But neither you nor Sunghoon had ever done that.

His thumbs brushed against your cheek, the delicate touch contrasting with the roughness of Sunghoon's skin against yours. His breath hitched against your trembling lips and you almost asked him to go further, but you held back.

"Are you going to work tomorrow?" he asked suddenly, in a whisper. His thumbs were still caressing your cheeks and you let out a shaky sigh at the question.

"I don't want to set foot in that place any time soon" you said.

Opening your eyes to find Sunghoon's gaze already on you, your heart nearly leaped out of your chest when he looked directly at your lips. But just as quickly as he did this, he managed to look away and back at you properly.

"So I'm spending the night in your apartment" he kissed your forehead, lingering his lips against your skin before pulling away and straightening up in the driver's seat "You need to tell me why you showed up here at the bar on a Wednesday, crying."

"And you'll need to tell me why you fought with me today" you pouted, hearing him laugh for the first time since you met that night.

Sunghoon agreed, starting the car's engine to get out of there and head straight to his apartment.

Staying up late talking about what had caused all this was the right thing to do, even if your body was begging for some sleep after a long hot bath. You remember telling Sunghoon that it was trouble with your father, as usual. The way the man wanted to control your life in the worst possible way, not content with having decided your future, he wanted to decide anything else that involved you.

But the subject was cut off there, you didn't want to tell your best friend that the real reason you were crying wasn't even your father's control over your life and his idiotic hunches, but that in a few weeks, you wouldn't be here anymore. You would no longer live in this country and, worst of all, you would no longer see Sunghoon. That was better left unsaid as you fell asleep in his arms, preventing him from leaving your bed after hearing all your wails, promising that you wouldn't cry about it anymore.

Even though it was hard to think that you would no longer be close to him. That, in all this time, you hadn't even managed to declare yourself or hear a statement from him. So now being in another country, with unrequited love – or so you both thought – couldn't be worse.

Either that or the little hangover that took over your body as soon as dawn broke and you opened your eyes. The slight difficulty in keeping them open when you groped around and didn't feel Sunghoon's warm body anywhere. Had he already left, then? Or had he decided to sleep in the guest room in the middle of the night? This last option is ruled out because you remember turning over a few times in the early hours of the morning or stirring in your sleep and feeling his arms around you. It was one of the times he slept in the same bed as you, doing so only when your friends went to sleep in your apartment and used the other two spare bedrooms. This was done more often than you thought, but it wasn't so important to think about it now.

Sitting up in bed after much pondering, you felt your head spin a little and your eyes finally open. Contemplating the moment when you should have been at your father's company – which would soon be yours – but here you were, in your apartment after a wave of hangover hit on a Thursday morning. It wasn't that bad, you remember doing it a few times while you were at college. The only difference was that the place would be full of university students, your friends who were supposed to meet up at the bar on Friday. But one of them was certainly there in your apartment at that moment, and you realized it as soon as you got out of bed to walk out of the room.

The smell of food invaded your nostrils as you walked down the corridor to the top of the stairs. Noises of cutlery and frying and an undeniable smell of coffee pulled you further and further into the kitchen of your apartment. Sunghoon was unbelievable and you knew he would do anything to see you well. You just didn't know that he would prepare an entire breakfast when the scene in front of you said so.

"Good morning" he smiled at you when he saw you leaning against the doorframe, sleepy and even more beautiful than he remembered.

Your smile soon followed and you almost fell back when your eyes finally caught up with him. He had slept without his shirt on, but seeing him like that right in front of you was too much. Sunghoon was wearing sweatpants belonging to Jake, who always left his or Jay's clothes at your apartment every time he went there with you, Stella, and his girlfriend. Sunghoon also had a few pieces here and there, but Jake's pants were the first he'd found the night before, so putting them on quickly to wrap you in a hug was the only thing he could think of at the moment.

"Good morning" you decided, pushing aside any thoughts and smiling at him, approaching in slow steps the slender, gorgeous guy who was preparing a mug of coffee "Is that for me?"

He hummed excitedly, putting a few things into the mug before turning and handing it to you.

"I found some things in your cupboard and I think I may have managed to replicate my grandfather's coffee, the one we had at university."

"Don't play games with me" you pouted as you picked up the mug "Are you serious?"

He leaned down to touch his lips to the top of your head, sniffing your hair and smelling the shampoo on your strands.

"You tell me" Sunghoon moved away to finish making the pancakes and arrange the bacon and eggs on the table on the other side of the counter, where he turned around and walked away from you.

Your eyes captured the whole moment as he took a long sip of coffee. It was just like his grandfather's, perhaps with a little more cinnamon and a hint of vanilla that you felt as the liquid went down your throat. It might have been Sunghoon's style, but the essence was completely his grandfather's from what you remembered from university. Smiling at this, you watched him set up the whole breakfast game while humming some tune you couldn't identify because your brain was focusing on his every move. The muscles flexed as he bent over to arrange the plates, or how his brow furrowed as he balanced the juice container on the table.

You didn't want to feel your heart squeeze at that scene because Sunghoon had already done it a few times. For both you and your friends, it was normal to see him excited about making breakfast or being so domestic. But it wasn't normal for you to feel like you might explode, that you needed to tell him that in a few weeks, you'd both be far enough apart that he'd – maybe – even forget about you.

"Hey, Y/n" his voice was desperate and snapped you out of your thoughts when you noticed him running away from where you were to come towards you. You only realized you were crying when he took the mug from your hand and ran his fingers down your cheek, collecting your freshly fallen tears "What happened? Did I do something wrong or…?"

"No, you didn't do anything wrong" you sobbed quietly, your hands encircling his fists as Sunghoon held your face between them.

"So what happened?" he asked. "Is there something else bothering you?"

Yes. I'm practically moving out and we won't see each other for who knows how long. You choked on that thought as you looked into his eyes, the concern evident and the glint that adorned the dark orbs that you admired so much.

Your thoughts were consuming you as Sunghoon leaned towards you, trying to listen or hoping that words would come out of your mouth so that he could understand what was happening to you. In his mind, something at breakfast or the night before was completely wrong.

He may have overstepped the mark when he held you while you slept, keeping you close to his body the whole time. Or that he went through your kitchen and prepared a huge breakfast on a weekday when you were supposed to be in your office and you were here with him. But that didn't make sense and he just wanted to think that you were vulnerable from having bad times with your father and the weight on your back from trying to please him at all costs.

Sunghoon understood how burdened you were by this how much you disliked what you had and how your relationship with your father was, he understood from the moment you two met. That's what made you fall in love with him because he always understood you. And he fell in love with you because he saw you beyond any designer clothes you wore or jewelry your father gave you to put around your neck. He saw your eyes, your smile, he saw you for real.

And he was seeing it now, in front of him in your kitchen, and as your tears slowly dried until you stopped crying. Sunghoon thought about asking you again what had happened or if you wanted him to leave so you could be alone, but it was his turn to have his mind flooded with nothing but you when he felt your lips on his.

Suddenly, without any pretext, you simply leaned forward and kissed him.

Sunghoon's hands ran to your waist and pulled you against his body, afraid that this was his mind betraying him, or that he was daydreaming about your lips against his. But as soon as you whimpered softly to ask for permission to kiss him, he knew he wasn't dreaming.

Tongues soon intertwined and the taste of coffee in your mouth quickly passed into his mouth, making Sunghoon moan softly as he pressed you between his body and the kitchen counter. It was a repressed feeling since the time you two discovered such feelings and that you held onto until the present moment. If he had known that kissing you would be like this, that your mouth would fit perfectly on his, and that you would have the sweetest breath against his lips, Sunghoon would have kissed you much sooner. He would have taken advantage of every opportunity he had around you, your mouth, or the moments when you two almost kissed by accident. He should have done all this before because it was heavenly to feel your mouth move against his.

It was all too much and the way you were making him feel, but when your nails slid to the back of his neck, sanity had long since left Sunghoon's body. He slid his hands down your thighs and supported your body to place you sitting on the kitchen counter. The icy marble on your thighs and half of your ass where the shorts couldn't cover, you moaned against his mouth and leaned your body forward with a shiver running through you. Your chest pressed against his and Sunghoon fit between your legs, as little space as possible between the two of you.

Pulling away after a long while, he rolled his eyes to your lips to notice a thin layer of saliva and the redness of your bottom lip. Swollen and all beautiful while he wasn't much different. Your chest rose and fell to normalize your breathing and he kept his hands resting on the counter beside each of your thighs.

“Y/n” he called your name, voice hoarse like a plea for you to keep him between your legs even after the kiss was over.

"Yeah?" you answered him, hands running down his chest and feeling Sunghoon's heart speed up under your fingers when your hand stopped there. Your eyes stared into his as your legs pressed against Sunghoon's ass to press him between your legs.

“Shit” he moaned as the growing erection pressed between your legs, the heat of your still-covered pussy making him shudder.

Quickly Sunghoon's hands slid down your thighs and went to the waistband of your pajama shorts, grabbing the fabric without taking it out of place. You tightened your legs around his waist again and at that moment you saw him gain courage and roll your hips against his. Sunghoon’s dick was rock hard and you couldn’t hold back your moan as the perfect movement made the head of his dick press against your swollen clit. The wonderful friction of dry fucking as he alternated his hips between rolling and going back and forth, only to be able to draw moans from your lips each time his dick got the perfect pressure on your pussy.

“Sunghoon” you moaned his name, hands moving down from his chest to his stomach slowly. The nail scratched all the way down forming a red trail against the white skin in front of you. You stopped with your fingers on the waistband of the pants he was wearing, swallowing hard when his hand on the waistband of your shorts went down.

"Yes, my love?" he whispered. So deep making your pussy clench around nothing, and it was pathetic how you felt like this while he had barely touched you.

“Can you—” your voice hitched, your eyes closed quickly when Sunghoon's fingers entered your shorts and panties, going straight to your wet clit.

His moan made you moan too, combined with the pressure of his fingertips rubbing circles on your muscles in need of attention. It felt so good not to have to ask him for much, knowing that the impulse to kiss him was making you do this kind of thing that you didn't even know would happen. Much less him.

Feeling like you had kissed him was something Sunghoon never thought would happen, especially since you were always shyer than him. All the advances and physical contact between the two of you came from him, so he thought that, if one day there was a kiss between you and him, he would definitely make the first move. But since it hadn't happened, Sunghoon was left to enjoy that moment because he knew he was giving himself as much as you.

You could no longer hold back the desire he had to have you in his arms, at his fingertips, wrapped around his dick. Sunghoon wanted to feel you.

"That is good?" he asked as he ran his fingers down your pussy lips, parting them with the obscene sound of your wetness spreading. You would be embarrassed just to hear it, but you no longer cared as his fingers worked wonders on your pussy.

“That feels wonderful” you moaned as he circled his index finger around your entrance, feeling like you had clenched around nothing. As impatient as he is.

With a movement away, you almost cried when you no longer felt Sunghoon's fingers in your pussy. Almost grabbing him back and shoving his hand where you needed him most. But everything calmed down when you saw that he was grabbing your shorts and panties, asking you to lift your hips so he could remove what was getting in the way.

Soon the pieces of clothing were on the floor and you thanked the gods for being free down there, with his hand returning to surround your clit in circular movements. Sunghoon's nimble and skilled fingers made small drawings on your pussy while his other hand went up to your face and held it. Cupped between your cheek and neck so that he kept your face close to his while the fingers in your pussy were slid to your entrance.

“Don’t hide your sounds from me, okay?” he asked as he introduced two fingers at once, watching you bite your bottom lip hard. Sunghoon smiled when you opened your eyes to look at him, nodding as you let your moans come out freely.

The stretch of your pussy felt divine to him, his fingers covered in arousal and your walls clenching so deliciously as he went deeper with slow movements. Not because he wanted to torture you, but because he was taking his time as he felt you getting wetter and wetter so he could take his cock.

Meanwhile, his hands reached down with difficulty to the waistband of the pants he wore to sleep, pushing it down just to free the head of his dick. Because you didn't have enough strength to continue the work since Sunghoon's fingers in your pussy took away any concentration you had. He chuckled softly at your snort of displeasure at not getting what he wanted to do, then he leaned in to kiss your lips.

A tender, slow, and affectionate kiss. With your tongues moving against each other romantically, silently conveying that you two loved each other, even if it was never said in the first place.

Sunghoon removed his fingers from your pussy with a pornographic pop due to the amount of juices coming out of there. He took the opportunity to lower his pants to his feet and use his fingers, wet with your essence, to wrap around the head of his dick and smear it along with the precum that came out of there. That scene could be worth any orgasm he had as you watched him slowly masturbate in front of you, with his finger full of you and his precum. This was making you so hot that you decided to take off your pajama shirt, now matching his nudity.

You pulled him by the back of his head and kissed him. Wanting to occupy your mouth or something other than focusing on his dick that was already throbbing to be inside you, soon feeling him pull you closer to the edge of the kitchen counter and feeling his dick against your thigh.

“Let me know if it’s too much, okay?” he asked gently against your lips, you sighed softly and agreed, whispering a slow “yes” to him.

As if he already knew your body, Sunghoon was precise in positioning the head of his dick in your pussy and sliding it from your clit, the soaked lips, and your entrance. Collecting even more of your juices until the head of his cock was in your hole. Slowly entering your pussy with almost stopping movements, just so that you felt comfortable each time he moved inside you to penetrate a little more.

Your nails scratched every inch of his skin that was visible and touchable to you, and he smiled, satisfied, knowing that those marks would remain on his skin for a long time. Not that it was a bother because Sunghoon would happily tell anyone who asked that it was his girl who had done it.

“Fuck” you grunted as his pelvis finally slammed against yours, his dick completely inside you. Big and throbbing, touching your spongy part in a slow movement that he made as he started to pull out and re-enter your pussy.

“Are you—” he moaned “Fuck, Y/n” Sunghoon’s lips found yours again.

Your hot pussy sucking his cock was the best feeling Sunghoon could have felt in his life. It was as if your pussy had molded itself to him in just a few seconds while he was inside you, no longer wanting to come out.

“You can move now, Hoonie” calling him that nickname always made something in Sunghoon light up, but the way you whimpered and then moaned, made Sunghoon's hips slam hard against yours.

He would even apologize for how careless he was in fucking you like that because he wanted to take it slow and take his time. He wanted to enjoy every movement, but the excitement of hearing you call him made something click in him.

Responding to your requests, Sunghoon began to move between your legs. His cock moved in and out slowly but hit you hard every time his pelvis met yours. The sound of skin slapping together, accompanied by the moans you two shared was the soundtrack of that kitchen. Sunghoon went back to cupping your face in his hands, cupping each side of your cheek to keep your face in place as he fucked your hips against his. Your legs wrapped around him pressing your thighs against his waist to press him further as he bottomed out, his cock reaching your cervix with each hard thrust until the end.

“You feel so good, love” he moaned close to your mouth, his gaze falling between your bodies to see his cock being swallowed by your pussy. The white ring of his excitement wetting his dick to his pelvis when he got close to your pussy.

The lazy smile he gave you when he looked back at you, his face fucked up and his eyes focused on his every move.

“Hoonie” you called him.

"Yes, love?" he leaned in, mouth brushing against his and hip movements never stopping as he tried to hear what you had to say.

It could be the horniness taking over you, or the need to say it because you didn't know when you would have another opportunity. And if it would have. He could run away and never see you again, but you would need to take that chance while you were being fucked by him in your kitchen.

Your hands reached for his hands on your face, sliding one of them along the prominent veins on Sunghoon's forearm. He sighed softly at the touch, smiling against your mouth.

“I'm in love with you” your voice followed by a loud moan as he slammed his hips against yours, his cock entering your pussy completely.

The action itself was a shock because he wasn't expecting it. Maybe hearing you say that he was doing great, that his cock was something amazing, or something related to the sex you two were sharing. But never something he looked forward to hearing, not when his dick was buried inside your pussy.

Sunghoon slowed down the pace of his thrusts, remaining with his hands on your face before taking your lips in a slow kiss, sucking the tip of your tongue to your lower lip.

“I've always wanted to hear that” he sighed breathlessly, one of his thumbs going down to your bottom lip and pressing there “Because I've been in love with you since we met, Y/n.”

It would be romantically beautiful if he didn't have his hair disheveled, sweaty, and plastered to his forehead. And if you weren't oozing excitement from your pussy onto the kitchen counter and his dick if your body wasn't on the verge of exploding. But no matter how you and him were, hearing that made things a little better for you.

“Then show me” you whispered “Make me cum on your cock.”

He just nodded without having the courage to contradict you or say how sexy you were commanding him like that. Because Sunghoon also wanted to cum and it wasn't much different from you.

Returning the ministrations of your hips against his and burying his cock in you, he accelerated the pace of his thrusts, and the sound of skin slapping filled the kitchen again. His cock buried itself deeper and deeper into your pussy and soaked between your thighs and his abdomen each time he went even deeper into you.

Sunghoon pressed his thumb again on your lower lip, collecting some of your saliva so he could wet his finger and go down to your clit. Spreading your saliva there to stimulate the neglected muscle as he fucked his dick inside you.

“Come for me then, love. I want to hear you moan my name” he whispered close to your ear, sliding his mouth down your neck and biting the place eagerly.

Teeth dug into your skin as he sped up his thrusts as he felt his cock pulse inside you and your pussy squeeze him against its walls. Sunghoon could scream right then and there when he felt you contract around him, moaning his name as he asked and writhing on the kitchen counter. Your nails dug into his shoulders as a way to balance himself, taking possession of the man who fucked you so good and squeezed your clit until he extracted the last drop of your cum.

“I want you to cum inside me” you whispered close to his ear, taking advantage of the fact that Sunghoon’s lips were still on your neck “Please, Hoonie.”

You could be a huge motherfucker and he had never seen that side of you until now. But it also wasn't complaining that you were like that with him, on the contrary. It was great to see this side of you from the angle and position he was in.

Sunghoon gave a few more thrusts into your convulsing and overstimulated pussy, going deep with his dick until jets of cum painted each of your walls white, feeling the heat take over your pussy as he slid his dick inside you. Pulsating and incredibly skilled, pushing harder and harder until he stopped cumming inside you.

He was stunned and panting, teeth sliding across your skin and a hickey left in place before he pulled away to rest his forehead against yours. Still keeping his cock inside you to have the heat of your pussy envelop him a little more.

“You…” he started saying, clearing his throat when he felt it dry. You knew what he was going to say, trying not to show any sadness and just focusing on the moment he was having. “You really meant that, didn’t you?”

“About being in love with you?” you asked, seeing him agree with a shy nod. As if he didn’t still have his dick inside you and had fucked you just a few minutes ago “Of course I do.”

“Good” Sunghoon smiled at you, kissing your lips to get out of your pussy and prevent you both from moaning loudly at the feeling of each other’s emptiness “Now let’s clean ourselves up, shall we?”

It was your turn to agree, accepting his help to get off the counter and go to your room.

You didn’t want to say anything to him about not seeing each other anymore or about how you were leaving. Many possibilities were running around your mind and you thought of something that might work. But none of them were involved in facing Sunghoon face to face after today.

"A letter? Who would send that nowadays?” Sunghoon laughed as he took the envelope from Jay's hand, rolling his eyes and pulling out a chair to sit down.

It was close to lunch and the bar wasn't even close to opening, but he and his best friends always went at that time to have lunch together and clean the bar before the night was full of the customers they always used to come to.

It was Friday and he was excited because he knew he would spend time with his friends and, more than that, he would spend his time with you. He would finally have you with him after telling you he was in love with you and hearing that you were in love with him back. Sunghoon could have sworn this was all a dream because less than two days ago he heard it, waiting for a long time since college.

But if all the waiting was made up for with the sex you two had in the kitchen, then continued in the bedroom and ended up in the bathroom of your apartment, he would be completely happy with having waited so long.

“Open it already, dude” Jay whined “Or I’ll do it and read it out loud.”

Sunghoon denied all of Jay's theatrics and rolled his eyes, opening the envelope that had no sender, only the recipient. He sighed as he unfolded the paper inside.

“It’s a letter from Y/n” he smiled at the paper when he recognized your handwriting.

Jay also smiled, remembering the day before when he received Sunghoon's call after he left your house. Telling everything that had happened, maybe omitting some details so it wouldn't be so embarrassing for Jay, but he still wanted to tell about the small statement. About how he saw the sparkle in his eyes when he heard that you were in love with him and how you shivered in his arms when he heard that it was reciprocal.

But also, how could it not? Sunghoon would be crazy if he wasn't in love with you back. He would call himself every name possible for not realizing how amazing you were and how passionate you were too.

As he read that letter, the smile disappeared and Jay did the same, not understanding why Sunghoon seemed so apprehensive reading something you had sent him. Not after the time the two of you shared.

“Hey, dude” Jay called him, but all Sunghoon did was crumple up that paper and throw it on the table.

Leaving without saying a single word he rolled up the bar door and disappeared from there.

“What happened to him?” Heeseung appeared next, startled by the noise the door made as soon as Sunghoon left.

Jay was just as confused as he was, not wanting to invade his friend's privacy, but he was worried and knew that Sunghoon or Heeseung would do the same for him if they saw him like that. So the boy did the most sensible thing, which was to crumple the paper to read the letter you had written to Sunghoon.

His eyes widened with each word before reading specific things you had written, one of them being the reason why Sunghoon had left there like that.

Maybe it was our last moment together because, in a few weeks, I'm moving to Switzerland. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just… I was scared.

Jay put the pieces together little by little. So that was the reason that made you go to the bar crying on Wednesday, you were moving to Switzerland. And you would lose Sunghoon one way or another because you certainly had your father's hand in this decision, which certainly wasn't his.

Now all that was left was to know what the boy would do with this information, because the way Sunghoon left that bar, he hadn't taken the news very well.

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