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#I just want someone to say to me 'ok.' and to listen
deadsnakey Β· 3 days
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𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄 π˜πŽπ”? 𝐖𝐄'𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐍 π‹πŽπ•π„ π–πˆπ“π‡ π˜πŽπ”!
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ππŽπ‹π˜!πŒπ€π“π“π‡π„πŽ 𝐱 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐱 π“π‡π„πŽπƒπŽπ‘π„
β€”> Mattheo Riddle and Theodore Nott love to bother you, it's so obvious they hate you. Do they really, though?
Check out the request here!
β€”> Enemies to lovers, kind of... Fluff, a little angst possibly and two idiotic boyfriends who think bothering you very clearly means they like you.
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β˜… Ok, this might be a little messy but just stay with me here.
β˜… since first year, mattheo thought you were so pretty and just adorable. though, he always kept his distance as much as possible.
β˜… it wasn't untill around third year that mattheo and Theodore started getting really close, eventually dating in 5th year.
β˜… but there was still a huge problem, you.
β˜… they both knew they liked you, they've talked about it voguely a few times and since then they've had to an understanding that you belong to them and no one else...even if you didn't know it yet.
β˜… unfortunately for you, they only knew one way to flirt; teasing and bothering you.
β˜… its not too long until you start trying to avoid them as much as possible, knowing you'll be teased relentlessly or the butt of their joke that you never found funny.
β˜… they always called you names like princess, sweetheart, doll or darling. nicknames in Italian from Theo that you didn't really understand.
β˜… Stealing your pencils, notebooks, homework or even your wand just to get your attention. They'd dangle it where you couldn't reach. Anything for your attention.
you were going to your last period of the day, hoping you'd be able to make it through without seeing them, the two boys. you've been lucky enough to go the whole day without seeing them but you still technically had two more hours before you'd be safe in your dorm for the night.
you've made it to class, and successfully made it through. walking through the halls, listening to music. your huffy puffy friend ended up stopping you for a few minutes to ask about the material you both were learning at the moment in potions.
once done, you quickly started walking again, about to press play on your music again when you feel someone lightly tap your shoulder. you sigh to yourself, hoping it wasn't the two boys whom you've been dreading of seeing; let alone talking to.
"hey, princess. where you've been lately? hm? avoiding us, weren't you?" mattheo taunted, a smirk stretched on the side of his lips.
you slowly blinked, in disbelief. "why? miss taunting your toy? can you guys just leave me alone? I've done nothing to you." they both huffed, "toy? is that how you really see it? you know it's quite saddening you'd think of us in such a way, darling." mattheo put his arm on theodore's shoulder, slighting leaning on it.
"yeah, okay." you harshly spat out, turning on your heel to get away from them. Theodore was quicker. he gently but firmly grabbed your arm and pulled you into his chest making you stumble; your back now touching his clothed chest. you were quickly intoxicated with the smell of faint cigarettes and cinnamon.
"what? got nothing to say now, tesoro?", "don't call me that. and let me go!" you struggled. "someone's feisty, eh? c'mon, lets go to my dorm. I think we need to have a little chat with you." mattheo said, gently putting his hand on the top of your head in a genuine gesture as Theodore started walking, mattheo in front as he led the way and Theodore making sure you're not trying to escape from behind you.
β˜… safe to say, you were scared.
β˜… but they really did just want to talk to you. they confessed their feelings for you although you were confused. they hated you.
β˜… they explained that they didn't hate you, they were head over heels for you if anything. they just...had a really bad way of showing it, hence the constant and brutal teasing.
β˜… you were shocked. but you told them that they needed to give you some time, you told them as long as they toned it down and stopped being so cruel with their teasing and jokes and actually got to now them, you'd consider dating them.
β˜… They finally got your attention and they loved it.
β˜… after 4 awful months of torture from these two, it payed off.
β˜… fast forward to the end of sixth year, you developed feelings from them both and heavily overtime. that's when you told them that you had came to falling for them and would love to date them both; now that you felt ready.
β˜… they were soooo happy, definitely lots of affection from these two the rest of the day and night.
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kalkori Β· 2 days
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ok regretevator fandom i know its "canon" that fleshcousins are only sentient and not sapient but when you look at the dialogue of fleshcousins it seems to say the opposite.
fleshcousins can and will react to being referred to negatively
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not only in this instance with gnarpy does fleshcousin argue with gnarpy, it also emphasizes words like how someone irritated would. like hello?
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chat fleshcousin literally tells lampert to kill himself after being insulted. there is no conversation elsewhere where fleshcousin gets told to kill itself to learn this. also before the threat it tries to insult lampert. thats not a parrot thats a very insulted and very salty creature.
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in the first interaction with spud, the fleshcousin seems to be talking to itself and then appears to get irritated when spud is like "wow i could have ended up like you guys"
in the second interaction with spud, it seems to actually correct him and then, to me, appears to do its equivalent of an irritated grunt when spud is like "you're just like a personal diary!!"
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the above is more tangentially related but fleshcousin seems to not only be genuinely irritated by unpleasant's existence, but then proceeds to also use language of others that it has learned. i find it interesting that specifically gnarpy and infected are used here, as gnarpy is the one who has the most irritated dialogue to learn from, and infected is the most related to unpleasant
2. it knows how to communicate discomfort/pain
ok i know this sounds weird but trust me. in most animals that can be trained to use words to communicate, it often takes A WHILE for them to accurately use language to mention pain. normally they learn stuff for things like food first.
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for this one, the second and third line are my focus. the first one is pretty clear in the distaste for the snowball. however, the third line reveals not only a negative reaction, but trying to joke about it. "kb what is the joke" well you see my non-fleshcousin-brained friend, the joke is [as best translated as possible] "is it already winter?"
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the flash beacon is what we're really here for though. not only can it associate bright, painful light to something it already knows, it A: communicates that it hurts and B: is able to recognize that you control it and asks you to stop hurting it
the reason why that is Huge is that most animals don't as for you to stop. they either run away or fight. when they ask for things to stop, most commonly its with another animal in the same species with their (body) language.
fleshcousin asks for you to stop in YOUR language!! thats huge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. fleshcousins can recollect people and inform others about themβ€š and can potentially observe other peoples relationships
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first off, fleshcousin tells mark that wallter misses him. [also, it appears it finds it funny that mark censors itself but that might just be me]
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in this one, fleshcousin tells wallter that mark misses him and just how much he does, as well!!!! like hello thats crazy!!
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this one has fleshcousin describe its own relationship with bive and scary mike, which honestly makes me want to bawl my eyes out. like it calls her and mike friends. i literally will cry forever about this
but the most interesting thing fleshcousin mentions multiple times...
IS HOW OFTEN IT MENTIONS FOLLY, AND SOMETIMES MIMICS HER?!
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the last one under petal cone references folly's laugh
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this one might be a stretch but i think this idle is referencing folly's forest, the "barn" being the forest and "the wrongs" referencing how closely related folly's deal is to malice
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when you look at its folly interactions it seems VERY interested in folly
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we're mentioning the farm again
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we're just straight up describing folly here. hello!!
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now listen any other time i'd call it a stretch but its talking to wallter, who it knows the relationships of. folly is heavily associated with that gigantic tree. pillows are associated with sleep. this has to be at least a red herring. like. chat.
theres more but this is already getting too long. chat fleshcousins are sapient if you look at the actual writing, whether intended or not!!
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abnomi Β· 2 days
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random assorted headcanons for Turbo because I like thinking and having fun !!!! πŸŽ‰
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Read More to Find Out...or are you too scared?... i bet ur too scared ahaha youre too scared Lol! Hahaahaaa!!!
The steering wheel of his kart is covered in bite marks, similar to how one would bite their favorite pencil. he bites things to mark his territory because Nobody is gonna touch that unless they want all of his diseases (150+).
i just know he was fighting to restrain himself not to chew on any of the candy civilians
when it comes to music, he doesn't see the point of listening to it. he doesn't have enough patience to really take it in; to him, it's just a thing that exists and not much more than that ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ ∡⁠ )⁠_⁠/⁠¯
adding onto that point, this guy listens to metal clanking sounds and loud engine roaring for entertainment because he likes things that would overstimulate any normal person. turbo is incredibly sensory-seeking and will do anything for The Sensations
someone should take him to a heavy rock concert i think it would change him a little. keep that thang on a leash
related to being sensory-seeking, i think he would absolutely love running his hands over random textures. if anyone has run their hands along a wall while walking alongside it...He does that...If u know u know... he is SO stimmy its unbelievable. Unreal.
very pain-tolerant. he'll whine and complain about it for attention, but physical hurt really doesnt bother him much until it gets in the way of what he wants to do.
funnily enough, he is very picky when it comes to temperature. he can handle getting ran over but if its 1Β° too hot or cold he'll start nagging and nagging for it to go back to normal. turbo really needs his own enclosure i think it'd do him a lot of good
this is a more popular headcanon and its canon-leaning, but he's an artist :-] he usually sticks to graffiti art because its generally considered more "rebellious and cool" but he also sketches cars, design decals, and other stuff when hes alone!
i would love to see his process of character designing king candy because i dont think he really knew what he was doing
he was just like "ok what does a generic king look like. uhhhhh.... 1, old and jolly like santa claus.... 2.... uhh crown..... 3......... purple.... FUCK YEAH im so good at this!!!!πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯"
i just noticed how his design has like 0 actual candy motifs aside from his bow being a candy wrapper and his shoes having those little gumdrop end pieces. what was he THINKING
while King Candy has a lisp, i think it's a coverup for his actual voice because of how goofy and recognizable it is. Overall its the same as his regular voice, he just gets silly with it. i noticed that he still does retain some of his lisp when hes screaming his lungs out at Vanellope, however, so maybe he genuinely does have a lisp that makes itself known when furious :3
another thing i noticed is how he hisses his S's. very cool very cool the reptilian
@/tasticturbo made a post abt how he has tinnitus from the constant noise in his game and i couldnt agree more
AND THE PRESCRIPTION GLASSES. where did he get those...he needs to See
side note, the aforementioned account has made so many interesting analyses on turbo and theyre all so insightful. i recommend u check them out
i think he gets migraines from stress. constant buzzing or pain flood his head but hes like "IDGAF i need to DO something at ALL TIMES no matter what"
hes like a shark in that way. if hes not moving he'll die instantly. idk a lot about sharks or if thats how it works srry but im going off of what the Worms are saying to me and i dont have much to work with
i think a really big contributer as to why he lacks in the self care department is because he fails to notice that something in his body is wrong. hes far too distracted on something he thinks is more important than remembering to Eat Food or Drink Water or Wash Himself or
he's like "WHY DO I FEEL LIKE SHIT ALL OF THE TIME!!! I HATE MY LIFE" and he hasn't slept in 4 days
hes so me. Sorry.
i dont think turbo is necessarily suicidal, but the way he behaves shows a clear disregard for his own safety and wellbeing. he thinks that he knows what he needs but he really doesnt :-[ i think he has some kind of immortality complex, feeling untouchable and like nothing could get to him. as scared as he was when ralph was about to turn him into sloppy mush, he didnt take the threat very seriously. like it was some kind of joke
his kart regenerates every time his game starts up, so what if he smashed it into buildings for fun. He's the number one fan of car accidents. he is all about that shit
i think his living space would literally be a garage btw. its a place to sleep and a space for his car all in one!! he thinks its very convenient and awesome but i think he is coping. he has some old dingy stained sheetless mattress that he has never washed in his life and its covered in dirt and smoke particles. no wonder he has such heavy eye bags Dude Please
the turbo twins have a garage used in a similar way, and while its still pretty shitty, they still at least TRY to maintain it. they just fight a lot over who has to care of it. nobody taught them how to take turns ever
but this aint about them. maybe another day
i think that turbo would find comfort in garbage and keeping it around because its familiar to him. a big clean empty space would make him so mad and if anyone moves even an inch of scrap off to the side he will throw a fit. he generally doesnt pay attention to his surroundings but when its his personal space he is 1093 times more neurotic
i think the big empty castle he stole wouldve been a big transition for him. maybe it helped him clear his mind a little more to practice his tricky schemes...it helped him get more subtle
thats all i have for nowww ty for reading ^_^ if anyone else has any wacky ideas pleeeease tell me i would love to hear them!!
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pendularium Β· 9 months
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vaugeposting about one of my closest friends on a site he doesn't use just because I need to get this out and I don't really want any actual advice on what to do thank you very much
in case anyone actually does run into this and read it (unlikely) depression&suicidal ideation warnings I guess
I'm one of the most active members of every groupchat I'm in. The main one I'm going to rant about (because in my other friend group groupchat this Doesn't Happen) has around 15 members, with 10 of those being people who I'd consider actual friends rather than friends of friends.
Of those 10 I see some of them really often - one almost daily. And yet.
In the groupchat I am one of the most active, with two others maybe also being as active as me, I'm going to call the one I'll be talking about L (random letter, yes I know this isn't reddit).
My biggest issue is probably with L in that he responds to basically everything I say with fucking stock responses? Like I love him he's a wonderful human being, and I know irl the reason we're not that close is because neither of us try (imo we just have too similar of personalities...) This is a full on random vent post so. My other main issue with L is that I have tried to do stuff - and while he's been more receptive than Anyone Else (we also go to Uni together, and do a weekly-ish meet up in someone's room to hang out and drink, I have one of the largest rooms of any of us, I have offered it up repeatedly but noooo. Can't have that can we.) he still has very much just brushed me aside? Like he has tea sessions with some others, and he has acted all surprised that I wasn't invited - AS IN another of our friends casually said to me 'oh you know where L's room is, you go over for tea' and he's referenced happenings to me expecting me to get them (have I fucking watched brideshead revisited with you indeed), but he won't actually invite me.
and this + the stock responses stuff? It's partly the fault of online communication - where it is seemingly PERFECTLY FUCKING OKAY to just peace out of a conversation without saying anything?? like am I going insane or is it polite to just say bye. Especially on WhatsApp I can see that you have seen my message. Just say anything?? (But equally he gives me these same responses in person?)
(I know this is a me problem, another friend who's on the gc has said before that he thinks it's rude if people reply saying that they can't attend something rather than just not responding. needless to say I disagree...+ just general life stuff)
Like L is physically one of the closest of my friends at uni, as in we live in buildings right next to each other, but I just. I don't connect with him. He doesn't initiate conversation with me. nobody does.
I remember reading a while ago about a guy who felt like he hadn't really made any friends, and so just stopped responding to the people he knew to test if they'd get back to him, and they didn't. And later on he went to therapy and realised that he didn't initiate anything, and that he was putting the whole burden of friendship on them. I remember reading that and thinking is this me? do I not do enough? But equally, I have suggested outings and been ignored or rejected or have only one to two people respond. I try to start conversations, I tell people about my life, ask them how they're doing. And still I feel like I'm alone.
A few years ago, before I got into uni, I was incredibly depressed. Had a plan and everything. Gave myself an ultimatum. One of the areas that distressed me the most was feeling like I just couldn't connect with my friends. I know now why - I can rationalise it out; one was having similarly dire mental crises, with another our interests had just drifted apart over time, and with a third it was a deeply toxic relationship that consisted of her constantly lying and being cruel, and me silently hating her but still staying friends out of fear? pity?
There's a difference between being lonely and being alone. One of those you can feel even when surrounded by people who'd all call themselves friend.
I'm a lot older now than I was then. After lockdowns, I moved to a new area, met new people, and like. I felt good about myself and life again. I started going on walks, looking up at the stars at night and seeing how light fell across fields of wheat in the morning. Laughed more, was just generally happier than I felt like I'd ever been. And a key part of that was my friends at the time; unlike now, friendship felt easy, uncomplicated.
And now I'm back in the same place, older and ostensibly wiser, but really just stuck. Different location, different people, but there's something always in the way, and that something seems to lie exclusively with me.
My mother also has had a hard time making and keeping friends, ended up in several friendships where she gave everything to the other person in exchange for what would always turn out to be empty words and hurt. I don't want to be like her.
I want to talk to my friends, tell them about this, sit down and just say how I feel. Ask if we're friends, if L knows he's doing this. Get their side of everything! But equally, how can I do that? I know some of what L's been through in the past with emotionally unstable people, I don't want to just be that same person, put it all on him, because who else would listen!
but sometimes I'm not sure I really want to exist anymore. I don't want to die, just...stop. become nothingness, never was, never will be.
if I did die. did just walk into a road one day and get hit by a car, or have an aneurism, or just stopped working one day, act of god style, would they notice would they care? of course. but I'd never change anyone's life, and it feels selfish just saying that but. I'm an afterthought in the friend bubble, something disposable. if I left the group chat today, left the earth tomorrow, they might wonder, might even cry, but wouldn't care. I'd just be a name in a list, someone else gone.
I want to have friends.
I try to.
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kitamars Β· 1 year
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enmi gintoki…………… orz
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finalgirlgretchen Β· 2 months
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if one more person tries to claim that the oh hellos are no longer christian i am going to lose my shit
#they are no longer EVANGELICAL and they don't associate themselves with the organized church#but like ... the whole anemoi series is about deconstructing their faith and coming back around to a new faith? still in god??#they don't just use christian themes. they are christian. if u think that they are NOT christian then u are not understanding their music#like .. i am not religious so this isn't coming from a place of needing them to be recognized as gospel music#if u want to interpret their music differently then go ahead!!!#but straight up. we KNOW what those albums are about because they have TOLD us. & they're deeply intertwined with tyler and maggie's faith#going around spreading the idea that they aren't christian at all is so so so so so so fucking stupid#it's fine if u don't want to think the songs are about christianity but then don't pretend u know what they mean!!!!!#don't pretend u understand all the albums while claiming they're not christian because they ARE!! that's like the whole point!!!!#idk. whatever. just feeling some type of way about people like refusing to use absolutely any critical thought#yes the oh hellos are extremely progressive. no they are not evangelical. yes they try to be subtle about their faith & make music that#non-christians can also listen to & relate deeply to#but making up lies about their personal lives is like. ok whatever. but ur missing the whole point of the albums then. don't pretend ur not#please someone tell me they understand what i'm trying to say here#like this isn't coming from a christian perspective it's coming from a frustrated album-listener perspective#the oh hellos
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asmo-cosmetics Β· 5 months
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when i say i ship asrian what i need you to understand is that i mean i want asra to apologize and beg for julian back. possibly in messy tears
#you can't convince me he wasn't the shittiest most manipulative awful boyfriend ever. no one understands me#as always debate and arguments are not welcome on my posts and you will be blocked#but like. listen ok. my headcanon is basically that they were fwb (for a rlly long time)#and julian fell in love with him because of course he did#and asra knew even before he ever admitted it because julian is obvious af#but asra was essentially just using julian and specifically dominating julian as an outlet to feel powerful#so the whole dynamic was basically humiliating for julian because they both knew that he loved asra and they both knew that asra#was using him for sex#but then asra actually did slowly start to fall in love with julian#which julian would obviously never notice because he hates himself#so it was pretty easy to hide. so asra hid it because he hated the thought of being vulnerable in front of julian#and then eventually let julian leave him with his whole dramatic shit of 'asra you deserve better'#and he couldn't say anything because he knew it was his fault#because that was what asra had made him believe#and then finds a way to twist it in his head to basically what he told mc in julian's route#that julian was 'deciding what's best for him'#instead of admitting that he was in love but he couldn't admit it because he thought he was above someone like julian#asrian#the arcana#wank //#<- i don't really see it as wank but i also really do not want asra stans bitching on my posts πŸ™
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pickled-flowers Β· 7 months
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Also just because you get annoyed by something someone is doing doesn't mean they are evil you can leave us alone
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brionnnne Β· 5 months
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note that i will only ever call mithrun "stupid" jokingly. by "stupid", i only mean "frustrating behavior that i am immensely familar with". seeing him do something that makes me groan aloud, closing my eyes, sighing "stupid (affectionate, mournful)". like when he fucking... his dumbass "i don't want to [use the bathroom] right now, so it's fine." oughh. i know you! i know you! that's not how that works!!! and he's smart!!! he's so smart... but god, god... he's kind of an absent professor. he's kind of a cloudcuckoolander. i love him dearly. he gets called a dummy, a little idiot, and i flick his forehead, a little bonk of hard-heads, like "try again, idiot. that's not how bodies work." and "ooh, 'that's not going to work'. yes it is. shut up, stoopid. stubborn little man, my god." rolling my eyes forever.
#mithrun#i'm not devaluing his intelligence#i feel like both can be true - that someone can be really smart but also take really stupid actions conversely#i fucking KNOW i do all the time#and i don't think there's anything particularly wrong with the word#it's not that his intelligence is compromised in any sense or that i think he's incapable#and it is solely#the fact that he is a stubborn little guy who doesn't listen and just goes 'that won't work' / 'i don't want to' / etc.#like... BUDDY...#buddy BOY#dummy#you are NOT a good judge of this ok?#zip ya lip little man#i know what you are#and i ain't fuckin listening to ya!#god. 'that won't work'. blah blah blah. okay sleepy. see you next panel.#fuckin knew that was going to happen#'i'm not tired' (his body stops working and he doesn't know why)#oh. OH. you're NOT? buddy i KNOW what happened ok? you need some fuckin rest#like - i'm gonna kick your legs out from under you + you're going to fall gently into bed + i tuck you in and smooch you#but i also fucking complain because OF COURSE YOU'RE TIRED ! you bastard ! go sleepy bye#it's his poor decisions and i know why he does them - because he doesn't know - but by god#it's also a little like please... listen to yourself...#on the one hand he doesn't know and never will#on the other hand ... you have been awake for hours and hours without sleep... please get some rest...#but yeah as someone who forgets needs and has little sense of that it is like... objectively a stupid experience#and i don't say that with judgement in my heart but it feels REALLY stupid when your body does something and you don't know why#it's not the disability though that makes me say as much - it is fully the fact that he is SO STUBBORN! SO STUBBORN!!!!#you say you're not tired and fall down? hm? then maybe you are? i know you don't know but whatever. let's get you to bed boy. ok?#caring for him + shaking my head like i get it so much but you gotta sleep! 'this won't work'. ok liar... i already know it will.
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skyburger Β· 5 months
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venn diagram of these guys
#oh this is not the point but im realizing i accidentally picked pictures where theyre all facing one wat except dio. FUCK!!!#jjba#professor layton#dmc#mgs#<- im sorry for putting tags on btw its mostly for the filtering purposes#muffin mumbles#anyway im not saying theyre all the exact same because they're absolutely not. Ohhh they are NOT the same#but their similarities and differences are so fun to compare and contrast u know#like. do you get it. descole is like dio and dio is like liquid and liquid is liks vergil and vergil is like descole#but also they havs common threads between all of them i think#Off topic but it does bother me that they all have really light hair except for descole. however i couldnt change any of their hair colors#that would be fucked up and evil. can you imaging brunette vergil. blonde descole. Exactly#anyway sorry for getting pictures i actually like of the first three and then just cropping snavid out of the shit twins image#for the last one LOL#maybe i will make a venn diagram of these guys one day. we will see...#i mesn i Would do it. ive tried. but the hardest part to me is formatting the fucking circles bro#i use a site to generate it and it looks like shit. i do it by hand and it looks like shit. i edit it from a template... u get the idea#but like i need you to listen to me i am speaking directly into your ear. i need you to think about v & desmond sycamore. pls do this for me#ok thats it i think im outta stuff to say rn amen πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™#edit literally 20 hours later: my stupid ass trying to put a 172x172 image next to the three other 500x500 ones and not realizing#its ok though i just fixed it#ifyou want the old version (?) its in the reblogs twice; i rbed it just now saying id fix it + someone else rbed it#which is why i clicked on it cause i saw it in my notifs#thank u to themrmoki you did me a solid <3
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bunnihearted Β· 2 months
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πŸŒ™β˜οΈπŸŒŒ
#evenings and nights are always the worst for me#when i feel this lonely.... :(((#when you're alone the nights are the worst bc#u dont have anyone at all really.. and it gets so obvious at night#just .. the loneliness gets intensified#and i can compare bc#there was a period of time where i talked to someone everyday#and i looked forward to the nights and their messages and comforing goodnight messages#and so i know firsthand what big of a difference that makes#for years and years i've had these bad loneliness feelings tho.. so it's not smth new#but it gets harder and harder to deal with them. esp as the world outside is getting colder and crueler#and people only get more and more mean#plus when i do have smth wonderful that made me warm and happy and comforted that i dont have anymore#and can compare and know what im missing#it does get harder :c#i try to watch videos and think of other things but oh god this loneliness hurts so damn much i crumble underneath the weight of it#maybe life will get better dealing with it all if i have a stable income and an apartment with my pets#and go to work all day and come home too tired to feel lonely... idk?#im so scared i'll never find someone that i can be together with. bc i think im the kind of person who needs that#but im also so different and difficult and idk how and if it'll happen....#and how do i live with these heavy painful feelings of extreme loneliness ? idk :c#i try mindfulness too. and listening to music. and reading. and cuddling my pets#but im just a human. i want someone i love to hold me and fall asleep with them close to me.#i wanna lie in bed and talk to them abt anything bc between us it is a judgement free zone#despite what ppl say i am not weak for needing and wanting that. and being incredibly alone without it.#it's what i need and want but idk if i ever will and the thought of being stuck with this heavy loneliness all my life makes me wanna die#ok. peace out πŸ˜‘βœŒοΈ
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fantasticalleigh Β· 1 year
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seeing so many videos on YT lately that are like β€œI read this dark romance book and i’m calling the police” or some condescending put-down derivative
babe if it’s not for you then put it down and find something new to read nobody wants an hour-long video of you yucking someone’s yum
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sherlock-is-ace Β· 5 months
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#oh wow...#i just had an oh shit fuck moment#wow#i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying#if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time#and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted#so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself#because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to#go in myself either way was way worse to me#because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to#''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever#and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in#and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day...#all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed#although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words:#''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in''#which is ridiculous#but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it?#forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me?#pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread?#panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head?#yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)?#isn't that literally what masking is?!#and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem''#when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?!#you know what's the best part about all this#that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above]#my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''....#same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit''#ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...
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anemonet Β· 9 months
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oh my god thats so sweet of you!!!! thank you :DD also super sorry for deleting your ask btw
To get down to business well uh iterators huh, so I can tell you have read some of my ramblings before (very fun) and I will say in general I stand by those ideas - model differences and stuff - with some smaller changes here and there, for instance I made pebbles antennas stupidly long cause I think it looks funny - plus tons of tiny refinements, but generally I dont have too much to add unless theres something specific your wondering about - so I wont focus to much on that. Instead I'm gonna chat a bit about the other stuff you mentioned (NSH and wire headwear) ^-^ so heres the guys! (I'm gonna expand a bit on their design designs)
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Ok so you have actully managed to point out something I really hoped no one would notice, which is that I never draw No Significant Harrasment (NSH) - who I hope you meant when you asked about sig, if not then dont look at me - and that is because I despise him with my whole heart. Or well, his design, the character is fine but I cannot draw this guy, I hate his colour scheme and his stupid little cape and why is his head symbols green on green - who allowed this - and in general we are not friends, which is a pity because I have alot of headcanons about him. But as you can see above I have semi settled on a design for him (note the semi, I am not super happy about it) and I do have some toughts and explanations.
So first of, I put NSH as being from the same model generation as suns - so predecessing moon and pebs by a bit - with older designs that have a larger focus on "religious stuff" combined with the anchients overall bonkers fashion sense - more is more - if you wanna read more about that its in this post about suns.
- I would also, this is a side note btw, like to mention I think having them being older models gives room to have some key differences between the oldies (NSH and suns) and the youngsters-ish (moon and pebs) in that one, they have older machinery and also early machinery which means both rougher quality and more wear and tear - which I like to think give them both the idea of slugcats as messangers earlier than most, as they knew their easily damaged functions (broadcast masts for example) would not last forever, which gives them a reason to want to solve it (by breeding scugs I guess) and added onto that I - and this is pure headcanon and speculation - like to imagine a lot of the "taboos" that pebbles and moon have - or well that I speculate they have, the no killing yourself or harming citizens taboo is confirmed canon, but I dont think its farfetched to asume they have other restrictions programmed - something that would most likely be added in later modles, but would be absent in the earlier ones like suns and NSH (not the earliest models but early) which theoreticly would give them a bit more leeway and "creative freedom", which ok why am I talking about this back to why NSH looks like that. -
Back to that, so suns and NSH will share design similarities: lack of face (to represent a lack of ego), lots of robes and layers, which leads us into the slightly more relevant sidenote of iterator clotheing:
So fashion comes and goes in cycles, your mom rebeled against her grandmothers clothing choises and is horrified when that fashion comes back via her daughter who think it looks cool again (20 year old rule or whatever) and that also applies to iterator design (look at that old suns ask for more info on this). So while I have talked about general trends a little, now I wanna talk about waistlines - in robes, because I have wanted an exscuse to talk about it, I be brief promise!
: so like you probably havent noticed all my iterators have different waistlines, or at least the ones from different generations - ignore moon, I'm a no robe for moon beliver, I like to draw joints and wires to much to give her robes - and I will sadly report I have not looked to closely at actual anchient fashion for the choises I made, but well cant have everything. So the most notable is probably pebbles, where I, ok Imostly fell for temptation of a modern highwaist cut, which while moslty being about my own tatse, also is an atempt to convey some form of "modernity" because while its a bright orange robe on a robot, it has a similar cut to highwaisted jeans. Which gives the silhoute from a couple years ago with a big bulky upper body and stick legs. But pebbles isnt intresting in that way, no its because every other design is a resistence against that.
And this again leads into the cycles of fashion. Because we know iterators were built under many cycles - however long those are - so we can asume it will be kinda like how fashion has changed from the 11th centrury to now. Which gives to reason that iterators have been dressed differently too. This added with that - from what I understood - different iterator cities (colonies) had different cultures (boradcast, red, in sky islands) all this then makes me kinda figure that the iterators should have different robes. Yes that was a long winded way to say that characters look different.
So back to waistlines and how their all anti pebbles robes - the most notable difference is of course suns, who has no waistline. They are not only without to create a bigger difference between them and pebbles, but to also lean a bit on - and this might not be the same for every culture - but on the general idea that older clothes were more "modest" or in this case, there are more layers and any hints of there being a body under there is desperatly covered. and that "modern clothes" have less layers and have show more skin - not that pebble is showing skin, but hes wearing one robe instead of seven. So with that the idea that suns is older is conveyed a little bit at least, and the same then applies to NSH. NSH while also having lots of layers, is different from suns by having an empire waistline, mostly because I think their cute and need them to look different, but also to give a hint that they have different city fashion cultures and also because when I see empire waists i think old paintins and old paintings=old.
-also while I'm on the subject of cultural differences between iterator facilities. Can we talk about how we only really get to see anchient society as its presented in moon and pebbles (shared?) facility. So really its very possible the whole aestetic is complelty different like five local groups away. Food for thought. -
So faceless and robe-rich is a similarity between suns and NSH, and I could mention many more, but I'm gonna restrain myself and only talk about headphones. As you can tell I - and most fanartist here - like to draw their antennas differently for all of them! which is also canon, but I also ignored canon so were gonna talk about it. Mostly the antennas give room for some fun mini details, like how moons look like wings or fins while suns are just sunbeams.
Anyhow so most people make NSH bald, me included, mostly because the super cool official art of him gives him no antennas (sad). I asume that means he works via bluetooth.
(I was about to start speculating about their headphones but that got to boring even for me so sorry if your super intrested in why iterators probably have headphones)
But I had a ulterior motive with bringing up the headphones - and not only to be able to point out moons antenna, which I delight in drawing - but also so that I can transition into the second part of this way to long response! itertors hairdos... wire-dos? basicly this \/
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(im reusing my wip because these are a pain to draw so we use what we have - I coloured them in a bit for better oversight.)
(also I was gonna start talking about if iterators would actully do personalisations like this - as we can argue about if they concepulize themself as their puppets and see a meaning to decorating them - I would argue yes but also its complicated- and also explain how iterators have different prefernces, which I realised most people probably already asume so I didnt need to explain that - anyhow so that got to long so I'm not gonna get into it. Instead were gonna go into this section with the assumptions that they do fun things with their wires. and also that the wires connect to their nape and backhead instead of their back or spine.)
So to me th biggest thing to remember when we talk about potetial wire headwear is that:
- iterators live 24/7 without gravity and because of that cannot be bothered by to heavy headwear, therefore theres rooms for them and anchients (and me) to get funky with it without having to concider gravity.
-anchients wore absurdly many decorations - and while giving iterators flashy decorations does take away from my earlier statement that they were based on more humble monk stuff, we are going to asume they used the fancy headwear for cermonies and festivals (which we also know anchients did) and that it was used for showcasing and fun. If some iterators preffered to keep them afterwards is another query.
So with that in mind lets break these headwear thingies down!! :D
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so as you can (hopefully) tell there three components in the headwear. The headphones that are different depending on iterator and are not removable (or as unremovable a computer part can be). Then theres the actual headpieces that keeps the wires togheter. These can be switched out and changed depending on whats preffered - also I drew them in gold but any material works, if were being closer to canon they would probably be made of some purposed organism and maybe be neon pink - theres also pearls dangling from them because its a perfect opertunity. Third theres probably the part I think is the most fun which is the actual wires. They obviously go through the headpieces and then are set free via wiretassles (that also comes in different forms) and after that is where my own speculations about wires comes in. Which is really simple in that iterators can most probably move the wires at will - they can control their arm thing, pearls and other objects in their chambers, reasonably they can move the wires - and I think its fun if different iterators move them differently. Like suns keeps them straight and neat, or pebbles moves them in syncronized formations or moon who just lets them hang, so many oppertunities ok ( you can see the general idea in the drawing). The wires then connect to their movement arms and connect to the mainframe.
And thats kinda about it? I dont have like anything super intresting to say about just the hairdos other than that I think its very fun and also that everyone is sleeping on wire customizations I am obbsessed with the idea send help.
Ok I think I'm done chatting!! Hope your still here and that this wasnt insufferable to read. Uh, thanks for the ask :D
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(NSH for your enjoyment)
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softshuji Β· 5 months
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Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.
#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting#married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they'#think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i#said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with#a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive#ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could#talk to dad and they could β€œgo about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed#i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man#and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in#front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always β€œwhat will people say?”#not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love#or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than#they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw#im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation.#and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said β€œit's important that you settle down”#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the#kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off#somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it.#my obligations are to god and myself and that's it#and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already#and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone#else has and that's it.#im done.#and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse.#i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit#and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding.#is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these#decision's for me?#ruined my whole day.
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skunkg1rll Β· 7 days
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so now im sure she is the one who has been sending me anon hate about me being ugly.... πŸ’€
#she said things like oh i would never send anon hate to anyone!!!#but ig ppl just say anything and then do it anyway πŸ’€#ppl will just lie and pretend to be your friend to then use your insecurities against u#if she acted like a grown up and talked to me i wouldve listened#but that wouldve required her to listen to me tooand not just judge me#and ig she couldnt do that#so she took the easy route#like if i explained to her that yeah i felt abandoned by u bc u just stopped talking to me as soon as u got a bf#and then i kept talking to that guy bc of these reasons where i wanted to see if i could pick up on signs#bc being abused by my bf is one of my biggest fears i have#and she wouldve said iget that but i still feel uncomfortable. then i couldve listened to hger and decided if i wanted to keep making her#uncomfortable and hurt her or just stop. but she didnt say anything or try to communicate or listen#and now to see what a fucking shallow narrow minded view she has#is frustrating bc she hadnt even tried to talk or understand or communicate or explain her side#which is like ok that sucks but whatever i will just let it go#but then she keeps sending me hate abt what i confided to her abt and talk shit abt me and it is like#can u just let it go#just stop everything. lets just pretend we have never known eo or talked at all#anyway ig i dont wanna be friend w a woman who invalidates founded fears#like shes just the kind of woman who would tell her friends that#oh yeah your bf hit u just bc he loves u stop complaining!!#so ig this is good either way but like. ig she just assumes i was flirting behind her back#bc she cant comprehend a woman only being friendly with a guy#and like i didnt keep telling that guy im already in love w someone lmao πŸ’€πŸ’€#gosh...disappointing. people are so disappointing#and childish and shallow and narrow minded. yikes
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