#I just wanted to talk through my stress | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cubbihue · 17 days

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I cannot draw red pandas, but if I could, I'd scoop you in a big hug. Don't stress out with all the asks! Sending virtual hugs your way 💙💙

OUGGHUGHH VIRTUAL HUGS!!!!! RECIEVEDDD!!!!

#DOING MY BEST NOT TO STRESS #THERES 280 ASKS THOUGH AND I WANT TO GET THROUGH SO SO MANY #usually when i have a plot idea or story i can just talk about it for hours on end to someone #but now i gotta DRAW IT and WRITE about it #no more just speaking into the void. now i gotta. MANIFEST IT into REALITY #WAOUGHGHHH #me: i want more chimmy stuff :(#my roommates: then draw it :/#me: >:OOOOO #the big reason i hve yet to bother making a discord for this is bcs i cannot inflict the insanity of the itty bitties onto my followers 24/#but also bcs theres like. 15 other fop discords already and discord is very distracting when i need to focus on drawing the scenes hahahaha #BUT ALSO BCS ID JUST. SPOIL EVERYTHING. WHEN THE JOY OF CREATION IS THE REACTION OF CONNECTING DA DOTS #ANYWAYS #thank yosue for the reminder :DDD #asks #theweirdestroller

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nonomives · 1 year

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Guys just a gentle reminder, nothing serious or outright dangerous so please don't turn this into a big deal

Anyways, just a gentle reminder

Yall--pls chill out with the thirst. I get that Wally is attractive but pls control yourselves. At the very least don't make outright explicit comments (like using terms that are clearly NSFW) about Wally or any of the characters in welcome home in public sites

I'm personally speaking for myself here so I don't speak for everybody

This account is accessible for anyone to see, thus your comments are also accessible for anybody to see. I'm not uncomfortable more than I am worried about the discomfort it may cause to some. This isn't to target anybody, nor is this a means to talk down on anyone. I just want to get this idea across while it can still be calmly talked about

#this will hopefully be the only post i make about this topic #i dont want it to be a reccuring theme because this can be quite stressful to go through #gentle reminder #sorry its just been something I figured I should say something about #bc as much as it is surreal for me to actually accept a lot of people do see my posts and probably #check the reblogs and tags under them #again I dont hold any grudge nor hate to anybody #so please dont use this post as an excuse to belittle anybody when we can talk about it respectfully

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screechingfromthevoid · 12 days

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*clenches teeth and fists* it's fine no one comments on how Dorian is more "lithe" than before. It's fine that he's not "nearly as bulky". It's fine that he doesn't sleep well then has to wake up just to be the sunny optimist the next day. It's fine that his strings are wound so tight that he's ready to snap.

It's fine that Dorian's health is being ignored. He's the new guy, right? Fresh faced? Not burdened by the trauma of the last few months, right?

#silver sending stones #cr 3 e 104 #its been bothering me for 10 episodes #dorian storm #tw body image #tw disordered eating #the way he casually talks about being “lithe” less “bulky”#those are very nice words for weight loss #it makes me sad #ot makes my heart hurt #because rations and regular fights kept him at the same weight through exu and e 1-10 #its the stress that came from baby sitting his brother #it reminds me of when i wasnt eating and everyone just told me how good i looked #like i dont think we've had a sit down and eat moment since dorian came back but ill be watching like a hawk #he started choking on the cookie...#sigh #i just want dorian and orym to be happy and healthy and well fed #the way orym talks about food also freaks me out #“i only eat protein”#and like we've seen him eat other things so like its okay #but the constant working out is a little 😬#orym and dorian are going to retire to zephra and theyre going to get soft and live peaceful lives #theyre both going to just let their bodies rest

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thepoisonroom · 10 months

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that post that's like "learning social skills helps with social anxiety" applies to dating also btw

#i guess they have a circular relationship because also going on lots of first dates was really trial by fire for me in learning lots lf #new social skills #meeting new people was never my strong suit and i was very afraid of it and would avoid it but like!#when i first tried going on first dates i learned a lot about how to meet people and met types of queer people i'd never met before #and actually it was good for me even though it was often weird and stressful #and it was a lower-stakes way to practice social skills that i otherwise would've just avoided using until they atrophied #anyway whenever i see a dating profile that's like 'i'm afraid of talking to women lol' i'm like ok relatable but what's your plan to learn #i think also just like it doesn't have to be through dating but it is good for you to meet other gay and trans people offline if possible #when i moved to wisconsin i only knew my coworkers who were mostly also twentysomethings who'd been hired straight from college #and it was good for me to meet and make friends with other local gay and trans people who were involved in different stuff #idk i just don't know how many more 'i'm obsessed with romance but scoff at the idea that i should do anything about that' posts i can read #like if i said i wanted to run a marathon but i never practiced running people would fairly be like okay that's prob not gonna happen #idk i know it's no skin off my nose i'm just like. if you never take any steps towards expressing your desires #how do you think they're going to just happen to you #personal nonsense

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puppyeared · 1 year

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ive made myself more wet and pathetic

#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL #its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed #because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH #how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would #be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing #or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late #i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed #the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either #because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember #the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either #the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with #crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure #BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION #im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real #really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and #thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT #you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without #making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY #yapping #doodles #puppysona #edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule #and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened

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brown-little-robin · 3 months

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I need to sleep for 70 hours and then maybe I'll feel not evil again

#Robin processes emotions on main #mghmfph #THE BRAIN GUCK #holy spirit fix me. holy spirit. holy spirit save me #the stupid brain guck man..... I need to move out I need to sleep more I need to. need to be braver #I need to write this new story idea I need to. bury myself in zombie au #my brain's coming up with new ocs and even as I'm doing it I'm going wow these are the ocs of a stressed-out teenager #I'm not a teenager but living with my parents again is making me feel like one I NEED TO MOVE OUT #ANYWAY #everything will be fine I'm just venting #I'm just particularly frustrated with myself today and talking myself through it. I hate feeling selfish. ugh.#I wish I had money for therapy :[#I want to do therapy again. but it's just me my comfort media and the holy spirit against the world right now #also in addition to feeling selfish I'm feeling super isolated #I HAVE NO COMMUNITY no irl community anyway #and living with my parents... makes it. genuinely super hard to try to make community. ugh. again: wish I could move out and get therapy #figure out what I'm DOING figure out people to do it WITH #yeuch that was a lot of gross emotions and thoughts sorry #love you. have a glass of water or something. that's what I'm going to do now #oh also I'm stressed out Today bc parents are having friends over and I don't feel up to it. but I like them. but I just want to sleep #SIGH #okay I'm done for real now

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sysig · 5 months

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Having fun, more and more! (Patreon)

#Doodles #Unicorn Tails #Dangersoft #Villainsona #Just Desserts #True Villainy AU #Okay fine I'll talk about the really silly fixation I accidentally fell into lol #It's all Jello's ISaT stream's fault they mentioned Wall Day and I got curious!#Actually it was Jello reciting Will's line as the mad cultist in a kids' unicorn game that got me interested lol he just went all out #And it really is a kids' game! Like yeah some of the lore is dark and ominous and weird but it's genuinely just a nice unicorn game #And the character customization is cute and you can buy a spider hat! I want a spider hat #I'm fully onboard at this point lol I intend to buy it for realsies and play as an alicorn and go hunting for the Estranged Rabbit #Dangersoft is great of course <3 Neon green horse love that for her #Some happies <3 I've been quite happy lately :D Big Loves yay <3 #If there is an article of clothing I can hide in I will take the opportunity every time lol #Regularly hiding in hoods and collars - it just feels nice!#More Charm more cutes <3 I've had the idea of her cutting her hair for S3 since she was created but I still don't Actually have anything lol #She's just cute and I love her! She's adorable no matter what she looks like #I think I was thinking something along the lines of her long hair being used against her in her True Villain form #Like how it's normally up and ice cream shaped but Kaiein wanted it down and it gave her a different look #But short it can't look like that :) She's always light and fluffy if it's short! I like it <3 #Speaking of - her candle wings popping out from her Kaiein wings!#It's weird to see her with her hair down and glasses on in that context haha #I do like the symbolism of dark inky wings being cut through with fire and light :) Still drippy tho lol #And rounding off with a Just Desserts bee <3 I posted that one JD Pet Bee a while ago but I think bees are also wild animals #They're important for sweets production and pollination! Fruit-based sweets need them!#I personally really love bees I think they're the cutest but I also get really stressed about buzzing :'D #Does Not help that my hair is a colour they're attracted to so they come up right next to my head to investigate agh #So Charm is the same! Loves bees! They're wonderful and important and cute! But the buzzing...#She's being very brave tho <3

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nomairuins · 24 days

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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And #make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not #saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was #going to say #like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so #bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the #winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000 #other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but #i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its #been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody #responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple #muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it #but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like #im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good #solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start #all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the #punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4 #im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but #even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think #avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is #like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they #hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be #the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO #difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15 #minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case #it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel #stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and #tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i #tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction #like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint

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runawaymun · 5 months

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#sorry let me rant real quick in the tags #cw personal #once again hitting an insurance pothole bc the psych says she accepts my OHP plan HOWEVER the therapy group she is contacted with says #THEY don't #they only accept the insurance if it's through my employer but NOT through the government??????????????#so there's still some kind of payment???#anyway I want to scream why is this so complicated #like will she take my insurance or not who's right here #anyway called her back directly and went to voicemail so now I've done all I can for now #why the hell is this so hard man #the person on the phone didn't know really how to explain #once again no one knows what they're talking about #like can y'all not communicate and figure this out?#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #i need to get an ADHD eval before my next PCP appointment in june so that they will continue giving me my meds #and the psychiatry through the hospital has a limited number of visits that insurance will cover #*contracted #not retyping all of that #and once again the only reason this is so stressful is because the psychiatry group at the hospital fumbled the communication ball last tim #and the psychiatrist I was with never put the ADHD on the chart #and now somehow it's MY responsibility to fix that>#UGH #like I am grateful to have some kind of coverage but holy shit is the US healthcare system in shambles #the bureaucracy is INSANE #i had to just sit down and put my head in my hands for a second #and then go 'right okay nothing i can do about that rn moving on'#uGH #literally said 'what the FUCK' out loud a couple times #like not on the phone after I hung up obvs

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averlym · 1 year

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whshdfhfjf.,,,

#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur #look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly #because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to #ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts #anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately #a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle #lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix #fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material #mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent #a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort #and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one #here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try #like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still #they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1 #of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but #thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where #you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the #competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even #even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's #'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h #her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll #eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's #it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe #adamandi

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lovingaeth · 25 days

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god bless and protect queer elders

#i got fired from one of my jobs today and i was so tired and done with everything #then on the bus this lovely old man sat next to me and told me he loved my style and asked how my day was #i told him its been a long one and he said his was too and apparently he was wearing fem clothes earlier in dt and got harassed earlier #for it which made me so so sad and so he had to throw on some track pants to cover up his leggings (which is insane in this heat)#and i told him i was sorry he had to go through that but that i hope he stays safe in his self expression and then he asked me what made my #day long and i told him #n he said 'its okay. this is going to be an opportunity for something better to come along. you're just making some space for it right now'#and i literally almost criedbmdhsnsbdhd #he kept telling me not to stress too much because stress is bad for the body and to take care of myself and ohhh my god i very nearly sobbed #i was holding on by a thread i was sooo so fragile #sweetest man alive i sincerely hope he is okay and happy and stays safe #i was like so tired and overwhelmed and i feel like i didnt talk or say nearly as much as i wanted to because my stop was also coming up #so i had to cut the convo short #but god. i hope he is happy and safe #vent cw #vent tw

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thebirdandhersong · 2 years

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hey will be off tumblr for the rest of the week - things are Happening again and my head feels ready to explode.........would really appreciate prayer again. I'm constantly feeling like I'm on the brink of something (I don't KNOW what) terrible and I need to figure things out without before my body really DOES decide to shut down from the stress and the strange depressive dread that has been very difficult to shake this month. I would like to not feel like crying or throwing up at certain points in the day and also would like to not be so exhausted in the heart and mind area so that I can actually deal with these things. Especially since finals are looming ahead

#wish i had my support network but what with all my friends being so busy #with school work engagements marriage pregnancies housing issues #and my priests both up to their ears in work and all my older sister figures #having issues and more important things to deal with and my family being one of the sources of high stress #i dont have anyone to talk to or go to at the moment #so i need to figure that out before i have another health crisis because my body's starting to give up on me #(again)#on top of that there needs to be planning in place for the summer and next fall and graduation #i just want to stick my head in the ground like an ostrich and stay there!!!! instead of wading through this mess during midterm season #and having to start finals the WEEK after midterms end #complaining again sorry #i am so tired and trying to be cheerful/distracting myself only lasts a few hours #im trying. i promise im trying. but the world seems rather bleak right now #and it is very hard not to feel so very alone #anyway i love you all and i'll see you soon

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falldogbombsthemoon · 5 months

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Yall haha, my dad made it so I have wifi access for one hour a day. which I can use from like 14 to 21 german time. So once my mobile data is dead, I will not be active that much ig. So please dont think I'm abandoning yall.

#vent following #its fucking ridiculous. im not a fucking child. neither is my brother #no idea what my dad wants to achieve through that. “so you can relaxe more” yeah no. being on the internet is my fucking coping mechanism.#there is nothing about relaxation there. also he did that so we'll to go sleep earlier. if it really was about that.#he would need to force me to sleep. you cant just change my sleep schedule by that #anyway its fucking ridiculous as i was on a good way of getting to sleep more early but if imma do that now he will think like #“wow. im such a good dad. i fixed all the problems my child could possibly have.” which is absolutely not the case #yk. ive always fucking struggled with feeling like people cant trust me.#and him not trusting my abilities to be responsible for myself is not helping #and then boom. im feeling shitty but wait haha my coping mechanism is currently set offline.#and like also im in extra stress atm bc school is fucking with me #not only are like a bunch of tests on the way but my fucking anxiety in school is getting so bad.#i cant sit in that facility without feeling like imma have a panic attack any minute #i am in need of fucking professional mental help. and at least one diagnosis. i dont want to do shit to myself.#but in this house hold. emotions are not talked about. feelings are suppressed and mental health is an illusion #i NEED to see a fucking psychiatrist. but i dont feel like i can to my parents about that. and technically i could go without them knowing #but someone needs to educate them. and i mentally cant be that someone #and guess whos sitting in their room crying and writing about that rn. not studying for their tests tomorrow and the day after.#i bet if my parents wouldnt have done that shit with my wifi i would be studying rn #quinns daily yapping post #rather #quinns personal hell

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sun-lit-goth · 27 days

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Thought about making friends at work (or putting the effort in to talk to ppl I’m interested in getting to know a lil more) but a few of them won’t even acknowledge me when I do the slightest signal that I’m aware ur alive, like a head nod and smile. I’m walking ur way, make eye contact *head bob, slight smile*, nothing…like if I can’t even get a response to that then what’s the point. And I had the whole conversation starter locked and loaded for this one weeb, what the shit

#I don’t want to fall back into never acting on my desires for connection #but I’m intentional #and I’m not just gonna talk to u to talk to u #or make a freind just to make a freind #there has to be something there to begin with #or u gotta say hey first and then I can carry the conversation #I’m not gonna be the one to do it first or to take it their on my own #through some tips and tricks to connect with people #it either happens or it doesn’t and im just gonna be friendly and nice and kind like I am #and not stress about making any connection into anything anymore #idc

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sysig · 6 months

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Getting up to trouble is his speciality (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #The Captain #Mixed set! :D Lots of singular doodles - one-offs or ones that apply to a few different scenes #The kiss is random tho <3 I still haven't gotten to ZEX showing off his uniform to Zelnick! I want them to!!#Him seeing his Captain in his uniform was so lovely tho <3 I love Big Love and that was so <3 Hehe #Smooch ♥#ZEX does not eat enough ;; He eats like a bird and it's highly distressing #I actually wrote in my notes that I was surprised he wasn't hurting In The Same entry as when he was experiencing hunger pangs haha #It doesn't help that he tends to talk through meals rather than eat - he's so much more interested in making connections with humans!#As far as metaphors go - killing himself for the sake of trying to bridge that gap - I mean it's apt but ZEX please #I think it was while he was talking to Wally at one point that he framed the War in a very flippant light-hearted way which was funny to me #I don't think that's the descriptor most people would use haha #Swearing <3 <3 VUX terminology <3 <3 #I want a VUX glossary of terms so badly hehe I've been slowly compiling a few here and there :3 Direct translation! The dream ♫#Him getting stressed enough to swear is very endearing haha ♪ What do you mean I'm endeared by everything he does don't be silly #The next one of me deeply enjoying when he's creepy is not proof of anything! Just because I Happen to also like that!!#I do really love when he's creepy tho agh <3 <3 The mental image of him as The Hunter - casually cornering and capturing his prey <3 #In that instance he was interrupted pretty quickly but the setup was there!! And it was extremely good!!!#I love how huffy he gets as well haha ''All these humans interrupting my seduction attempts >O( ...Wait O|'' lol #And finally an exchange on the board between him and Scarecrow haha so many fun faces around!!#I love him being completely baffled by a non-mechanical construct it just short-circuits his brain haha ♥#He's so intelligent but there exists things unknowable!#The image of him tapping his pen is so Incredibly cute ah <3 Where did he learn such a thing! Does it translate from his VUX form to this ♪#Anything everything ♥ Learned or known! It's wonderful

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candlebel · 7 months

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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.

#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin #I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it #or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again #I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY #that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back #that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha #No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel #safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#vent #stuff

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