#I kinda don’t like this forced romance that could be so nuanced and powerful if it put in the effort and time that I know hori can do

[madmadmilk]

What are your thoughts on Wandavision so far?

(i have a long and a short answer to this! and i’ll keep it as spoiler-free as i can, so feel free to scroll down!) 🌈💕

my ‘WandaVision’ Thoughts 🦹‍♀️📺💻🔮💜💕

short answer: I’M ENJOYING THIS SERIES SO MUCH! ⭐️✨ i really appreciate the mature approach they’re taking with it 🥰. there’s no need for a lengthy recap of the their history/timeline, or flashbacks that would take us out of the mood (lol since they’re all available on the same platform). we’re just pulling forward, and i’m totally pleased with being taken along on the journey. visually, i really like the aesthetics of hopping through the decades; wanda & co are dressed and portrayed soooooo lovingly! tbh i think this is the first time we get to clearly see her personality: even if she is (possibly) manipulating our vision. ba-dum-tssssss. lol it’s so visually and emotionally vibrant and is not pulling any punches, by any stretch. it’s a delicious blend of drama, romance, horror and suspense. i sooooooo appreciate this portrayal of a female ‘hero’ wanting romance, wanting normalcy, and wanting a ‘home––’ without compromising anything lol. it’s just her dream. i’m glad that there is a place for stories like this. i’m looking forward to a new episode each week! it’s a wonderful addition to the MCU, and i can’t wait for what the year will bring us!! 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

long answer: i’ll be honest with ya, wanda was never my favorite character in the MCU. [to me] she always had a lot of potential, but they way portrayed her just turned me off is so many ways (age of ultron, civil war)....... .. ...  . initially, i didn’t like how they treated her as a kid/child, when her age seemed ambiguously young adult to me (especially after they introduced peter parker). i’m like, pls speak to her like she’s an adult, guide her like an adult. i understood that she was a character who has gone through unbelievable amounts of trauma, BUT they never showed us the extent of her grief or any moments of relief for her. [[female characters don’t need to be shown crying or anything, but i feel like they highlighted characters GIVING her sympathy, rather than her receiving it and reflecting on it]]. even though she drove a lot of the spotlight in Ultron, i never felt like the story was hers. in Civil War, i was just surprised at how willing she was to use lethal force on ‘the other side.’ her intentions in that movie felt so unclear to me, and she like, never gets closure lol (maybe that’s like her thing though). personally, i didn’t see her character gain much footing until Infinity War. DUDE. i love, LOVE, the moments in the beginning where wanda and vision just stole moments together. that was when i felt like, ‘ah, so this is what she wants.’ it’s been two years, and we’ve come to understand that she’s on the run, but still makes a point to visit vision. all she wants is: safety, companionship, quiet, normalcy, compassion. that moment grounded the movie so much for me (this is what’s at stake ya’ll!!). from there, i could see and feel her grief and desire. also they stopped holding back her powers lmao, that was pretty cool too. and i appreciated that they stopped giving her those leather booby outfits–– just didn’t seem like something she would choose for herself idk. (there’s nothing wrong with cleavage in costumes, but that’s another story for another day). but yeah! i like that her storyline is about family and romance. i love that they’re not holding her back from her desires in WandaVision. everytime we see them looking at each other lovingly my heart breaks! also it’s cool that she’s kinda an anti-hero hahah

TL;DR: we get to see a more fleshed out wanda (and vision) . she gets to have nuance and struggles and wins and losses. it’s pretty awesome to see~

[princepondincherry]

Wish RWBY was better? Try ATLA

To start: Yes, I’m aware ATLA and even LoK probably have much larger fandoms than RWBY already. I think they also have more content and were produced with a larger budget, which means we have to give RWBY some slack. It doesn’t mean criticism isn’t valid.

Since Avatar came out on Netflix, I watched both shows, and I can’t help drawing parallels with RWBY since they’re both animated shows I’ve loved about badass kids/teens with magic powers. And Avatar is SO MUCH better. For instance, inter-party conflict. The Gaang argue ALL THE TIME, and it’s just presented as the normal state of affairs, not some dramatic, crazy detail when one sibling has a slight disagreement with the other sibling. And as much flak as the Mako relationship drama gets in Legend of Korra, at least it had substance to it. We still don’t really know what the problem is with Ren and Nora. Oh, and The Last Airbender handled an unwanted kiss forced on someone who didn’t think it was the right time for romance SO MUCH better, with an immediate, “I SAID I was confused!” and the instigator having a scene right after where they called themselves an idiot, instead of the Renora kiss being presented as romantic or something.

Now I kinda want to write a list of things I feel Avatar does better. There’s a poorly-argued word vomit below the cut:

- The dead mother thing--Salem mentions Summer once with no details, and Ruby completely breaks down? What? Like, grief is fine, but this has literally no foreshadowing since the songs don’t count as full canon, and it made no sense given Ruby’s established (ha) character and the situation. Katara would have flown into a rage, and it would have been so much better.

- Arguments with adults on your side--Pakku was set up as an asshole teacher from the start, and he when confronted with the consequences of his misogyny, he changed his ways for the better. Zuko arguing with Iroh is never intended to have Zuko be in the right. Korra argues with Tenzin all the time, and usually they’re both right, but have to come to a better understanding of each other’s perspective that helps them grow as people. In fact, this conflict drives a lot of the story for the first two books of LoK. Unfortunately, RWBY seems incapable of this sort of nuance. Qrow is just drunk until he isn’t, but then later gets Clover killed, and Ozpin is supposedly just awful.

- Arguments with adults who should be on your side but aren’t--Long Feng SHOULD be on the same side as the heroes, defending the Earth Kingdom, but he isn’t for pretty stupid reasons. But, unlike Ironwood shooting people like a maniac, Long Feng is against the heroes for stupid reasons that (mostly) make sense in-universe: he wants to remain in power. (I still don’t understand why he didn’t just quietly explain that he had the real power in the city, not the king, and shuffle the kids off to whoever was running the military defenses that allowed him to pretend there was no war. I guess he thought if he just gave them the cold shoulder long enough, they’d go away?) Whatever problems there were with Long Feng’s storyline, at least he was consistently written as a bad guy. In contrast, Ironwood is inconsistently written as a good guy who has all the trappings of a tyrant but doesn’t act like it AT ALL, except when he occasionally does something extreme like shoot Oscar. He’s written (I guess unintentionally?) as a subversion of the military tyrant, except when he suddenly acts like one again. It’s like they were shooting for a Tarrlok (sketchy government official who’s both bad for the obvious reasons AND worse than he appears beneath the surface, even though he often works for the side of good) but actually wrote Suyin (someone who could easily be a totalitarian dictator, but decided not to be because of her moral principles, and is actually nice), except occasionally she attacks her allies for disagreeing with her.

- Costume design--I loved Ruby’s, Weiss’s, Ozpin’s, Qrow’s, and a few other original costumes, and Ruby’s had some very solid costumes. However, Volume 7 was terrible. The animation looked weird on Weiss’s braid, Jaune’s hair was awful, and a bunch of them weren’t really dressed for the weather. In contrast, the Avatar characters change outfits whenever it’s appropriate. You know, like real people. (If this is a “3D animation makes outfit changes harder than 2D animation” thing, then maybe 2D animation is just a superior art form when you’re on a budget.)

- Consistent power levels--Katara starts weak and gets stronger. Aang starts as only an airbender and consistently gets better at everything else. Toph invents metalbending and gradually gets more proficient with it. In contrast, RWBY’s Volume 1-3 feats are often better than their later feats, and Aura strength blatantly depends on plot. Yang’s gotten *slightly* better at fighting, Weiss learned a new skill and promptly got her butt kicked by focusing on it too much, Ruby supposedly learned hand-to-hand combat but really just did a headbutt, and RWBY SOMEHOW beat the most premiere team in Atlas after training with them for a few weeks. Sure, Toph, Katara, Azula, Aang, and Sokka are all ridiculous prodigies, but they’re established as such from the beginning. Katara still loses soundly to Pakku before he trains her. (Despite the memes about her kicking the ass of the patriarchy, he’s obviously going easy on her and still crushes her.) Aang gets beaten by Ozai without his OP special ability. Azula gets beaten easily the one time we see her go up against an adult (Iroh, on the ship in the beginning of book 2). And Toph is more like Pyrrha than anyone on Team RWBY. Honestly, this is one of my weaker points, but I still stand by the fact that the Avatar kids’ victories felt much more earned.

- Bad Fights--Yes, I know, heresy. I actually think the best of RWBY’s fights (RWBY vs. Torchwick’s mech, Ozpin vs. Cinder, Pyrrha vs. Cinder, RWBY vs. the Nevermore, Qrow vs. Tyrian) are somewhat more exciting, visually interesting, and (sometimes) emotionally charged than even the best of Avatar’s fights (Aang vs. Ozai, Zuko vs. Azula, Kya vs. Zaheer, Korra vs. Zaheer, Tenzin and his siblings vs. Red Lotus, Suyin vs. Kuvira). But my actual point is that RWBY’s bad fights are BAD, whereas I can’t even think of what the worst Avatar fights are. Sokka vs. Zuko in episode 1 was pretty bad, but that was more of a gag than a fight. Umm...Big Glowy Korra vs. Unavaatu was kinda cheesy, but I still liked it. Meelo fartbending vs. the Equalists? Idk. Meanwhile, RWBY has the Scuffle of Haven, that time Ilia seriously hurt Sun somehow, Qrow vs. Tyrian vs. Clover (visually impressive, but made NO FUCKING SENSE), Oscar landing a massively-telegraphed blow on Neo...well, okay. Maybe there weren’t that many awful fights. I still think I came away from more RWBY fights disappointed, but I can’t really argue my case very well.

- LGBT representation, normalized to the time period--Yes, Korrasami never got past handholding in the finale, but somehow Yang and Blake haven’t either? Even though it’s 2020? Actually, this is a symptom of a larger problem:

- Romantic relationships being ignored--Why won’t RWBY explicitly confirm anything? The RWBY cast are closer in age to the LoK cast than the ATLA cast, but it feels the other way around. Kataang was both heavily present in ATLA the whole time and by no means taking over the plot. And, okay, there was Jaune/Pyrrha, but she’s dead now, so the most-developed ship is Renora. Who held hands, then didn’t talk about their relationship at all for a full volume, and then had a nonconsensual kiss handled worse than the Kataang kiss in Ember Island Players. I’m glad there haven’t been any Romantic Plot Tumors in RWBY, but something would be nice. Or just don’t bring it up at all if you’re never going to develop the relationships.

- Sibling relationships--Yang and Ruby were great as sisters in the early volumes, but lately it’s just been Yang deciding to yoke herself to Ruby’s judgement, until suddenly she’s not anymore. I feel like they barely talked in Volume 7.

- Villains--If Salem wants to kill everyone and collect the Relics, why hasn’t she? She’s invincible! Ozai at least was still human, but he left to handle things himself as soon as he got a power-up. More vaguely, I just find Avatar’s villains more interesting than RWBY’s most of the time.

I’m aware that some/most of these are unfair. It’s more intended as an incoherent rambling to get my views out of my head than as any sort of persuasive argument.

[overthinkingkdrama]

Hi! So, I’ve just recently gotten into K-Dramas, and... I have a small issue, and that is though I LOVE them in the beginning, by the end they always disappoint me? Like, they start lighthearted and fun, and then by the end suddenly everyone’s in mortal peril, and I don’t care? Or they start all fantasy, and then it’s all about the romance in the end? So... Could you possibly recommend me ones that are good, or tone consistent, throughout? Please?

Hi! Thanks for dropping by for recs. These are some of my favorite asks. I just love going back through my watch list and finding dramas that fit a given criteria. It gets more fun the more dramas I've seen.

The thing about Kdramas that makes them a uniquely sticky beast is that many of them are live-shot week to week, at least for part of their run, and often the scripts are not fully written before filming begins. Popular Kdramas will also occasionally receive extensions which can cause further pacing and plot issues and (sometimes) cause a story to sputter out entirely. With the increasing prevalence of entirely preproduced dramas there's been an increase in overall drama quality and consistency in past years. That being said, Kdramas are still a decidedly mixed bag in terms of overall production quality. So it pays to either drop things with extreme prejudice if you stop enjoying them and watch widely, or to have a good drama filter friend (like me!) to give you vetted recs. As a genre a lot of the more "classic" feeling dramas have a tendency to start really light hearted and then swing super dramatic in the latter half. That's something I occasionally like, but lucky for you not all dramas are like that!

Your ask doesn't really tell me what genre of Kdrama most appeals to you, so I went through my list and tried to find you wide a variety of dramas that I think of as being well-paced and tonally consistent throughout. I've also tried to limit myself to dramas that I rated highly on MDL, although my primary criteria was "good and tonally consistent" so this list of dramas is kinda all over the map. But then, so are my tastes. Also, I kinda got the impression from your ask that you're not a fan of the uber-melodramatic side of kdramas and you want something a little more restrained and less soapy, so I tried to steer away from those more makjang dramas but did not entirely succeed, lol. I gave a couple sentences of description so you can more readily narrow down what you're interested in, and if you would like a more thorough review of the dramas some of these have full reviews on my blog which I went ahead linked where they exist.

Age of Youth: A well written slice-of-life ensemble drama about a group of 5 college age women who end up boarding together. There are a couple moments of high drama/trauma toward the end of the show that might be a turn off. But other than the finale the tone is consistent. 9/10 

Arang and the Magistrate: A dark fantasy fusion sageuk with a romance. I included this drama because it does a good job of developing the creepy worldbuilding and fantasy throughout. Though at points it can be a bit slow and the special effects are hella cheesy. 8/10

Argon: A tight, journalism driven suspense drama. Not always my genre but I found it very engaging, and at eight episodes it does not overstay its welcome. 8/10

Be Melodramatic: Another female-centric slice-of-life ensemble drama, though with an emphasis on fourth wall breaking comedy and clever dialogue. Very funny and heartfelt.  8.5/10

Cheese in the Trap: Maybe a controversial inclusion, but I very much enjoyed this drama. A slice-of-life college romance with psychological thriller elements. Some critics felt that the drama focused too heavily on the second male lead in the later half of the story, but YMMV. 8.5/10

Coffee Prince: Classic cross-dressing romance and still probably the best of its kind. A wonderfully nuanced and progressive handling of the subject matter, even after 13 years. Deals with serious subjects but doesn't go too melo with it. 8.5/10

Children of Nobody: My best of 2019, a dark psychological thriller about a child psychiatrist and a police detective who have to confront gray morality while attempting to track down a serial killer who only targets unrepentant child abusers. 9.5/10

Ex-Girlfriend Club: On the lighter side, a friends-to-lovers type romantic comedy about the writer of an autobiographical webtoon who has to figure out a way to get along with a group of his ex-girlfriends to make a movie based on his work. Only 12 episodes. 8.5/10

Go Back Couple: Also only 12 episodes (these shorter dramas tend to be better paced I find) a time-slip drama about a divorced couple who get the chance to relive their twenties and end up realizing they still have feelings for each other. This drama is both very funny and it had me bawling on multiple occasions. 9.5/10

Healer: A favorite of a lot of drama fans, this is an action-focused romance about an awkward soft boy with a secret identity as a highly skilled errand boy to criminals and an intrepid tabloid reporter who is his biggest fan. This drama is pretty tropey, but it's fun and the romance is great. 8.5/10

Hello Monster (aka I Remember You): A police procedural with a background love line about a criminal profiler looking for his lost brother and a detective looking for her father's murderer. One of my personal favorites. 10/10

Hit the Top (aka The Best Hit): A time-slip fish-out-of-water comedy about a 90s pop star who winds up in modern day Seoul and ends up befriending his biological son and meets old friends who his disappearance left in the lurch. 9/10

Incomplete Life (aka Misaeng): A realistic office drama that gave me real world work anxiety, focusing on a failed Go player who winds up an intern at a highly competitive shipping company and has to find a way to earn his keep even without the background and college education of his coworkers. Unbelievably well done ensemble drama. 9/10

Just Between Lovers: A romantic melodrama about two people whose lives were irrevocably changed by a tragic mall collapse that nearly killed them as children, meeting again as adults and finding comfort and healing in each other. A rough sit at times, but a wonderful love story with incredible acting. 9/10

Just Dance: High school, slice-of-life, drama about a dance club in a technical high school and a group of working class kids who reluctantly become involved in this club and befriend each other. Only 8 episodes (or 16 thirty minute episodes, depending on how you recon it.) 8.5/10

Life on Mars: Remake of the British show of the same name, this is a surreal time-slip police drama, about a forensics expert who gets shot in the head and wakes up in 1988. Or does he? He could also be dying on an operating table. It's hard to tell. Dark, suspenseful and trippy. 9/10

Matrimonial Chaos: An off-beat comedy about two dysfunctional couples who become inescapably mixed up in each others lives. One that's having a hard time getting divorced and another that's having a hard time getting married, and all the messy weird emotions that go along with that. This is another one of those, makes you laugh/makes you cry throughout dramas I have an affinity for. 9/10

Moment of Eighteen: A heartfelt high school drama about a straightforward but awkward loner who is forced to transfer to a new school, immediately earns the ire of a powerful student and experiences first love. Not my usual thing, but very well written with complex and likeable characters. 8/10

Mother: A cold and socially isolated woman becomes a temporary teacher and upon discovering one of her students is being severely abused and neglected, decides to pose as the child's mother and go on the run with her. Like Children of Nobody, this can be a bit of a rough watch because of the subject matter but it is very well done. 9.5/10

My Mister: A healing, human drama about a structural engineer in his 40s and a debt-ridden young woman in her 20s who end up crossing paths and saving each other from a miserable existence. My current all time favorite drama. Cannot say enough good things about it. Practically perfect in every way. 10/10

One Spring Night: A very restrained and naturalistic slow-burn romance about a woman who is about to get married and suddenly begins to question her relationship and a single father who had given up on love who find themselves irresistibly drawn to one another. 9/10

Prison Playbook: An ensemble slice-of-life drama centered on prisoners and correctional officers in their day to day lives. I find the actual het romances in this drama totally useless, but it's a large and talented cast playing a variety of lovable characters. 8/10

Psychopath Diary: Recent fave. A screwball black comedy about a mild mannered pushover who loses his memory and finds a diary that convinces him he's a psychopathic murderer, which gives him a huge boost of confidence from his new found identity, much to the chagrin of those around him and the actual owner of the diary himself. 8.5/10

Queen In Hyun's Man: A drama about a Joseon scholar who time travels to modern day Seoul and meets an actress who just landed a part playing the queen he served in the past. This one might be on the border line of too dramatic or tonally inconsistent, but it's got one of the most pitch perfect finales in Kdramas and the 45 min episodes keep it a snappy watch that doesn't drag or meander too much. 8/10

Reply 1988: A late 80s nostalgia drama about a group of families who all live off the same alley. Lovely family drama, comedy with a variety of romances. Long ass episodes especially later in the run, but I have rewatched the whole thing and I loved every minute of this show. 9.5/10

Save Me: A dark drama about a young woman who finds herself forced into a dangerous cult by her family, and is desperate to escape, and a group of 4 local young men who try to help her. One of the more unique and well done OCN thrillers. 9/10

School 2013: High school ensemble drama that launched a whole bunch of careers. In general I avoid school dramas (I know there have been three on this list so far, but those are like the only three, lol) but this show got me so invested in all these students and teachers. Also the two male leads are so shippable. 9.5/10

Secret Love Affair: A romantic melodrama about a piano prodigy from an underprivileged background who catches the eye of a married older woman and the two fall into a passionate affair. This drama involves cheating (obviously) but it's beautifully filmed and written and the music is to die for. 9.5/10

Signal: This is a supernatural crime thriller and a perennial favorite in the Kdrama community. An imbittered criminal profiler finds an antique police radio which allows him to speak with a police detective 15 years in the past, and uses this to crack cold cases and try to prevent brutal crimes from ever happening. 9/10

Six Flying Dragons: This one is a bit different from the others on the list, first of all because it's a more traditional historical drama, and secondly because it 50 episodes long. But it is so, so very good. And if you're looking for overall consistency in terms of storytelling and tone this drama has it in spades. 9/10

SKY Castle: A unique melodrama about a group of affluent competitive mothers who will go to any lengths to get they're children into the best medical schools, and a mysterious school coordinator with shady motives who gets brought in as a ringer to give them an edge. This show is kind of hard to sell but very entertaining and watchable. 7.5/10

Stranger (aka Secret Forest): The story of a stalwart prosecutor who, due to a childhood trauma is unable to feel the full spectrum of emotions, works with a bighearted police detective to root out corruption around a series of murders. This one’s rather cerebral and requires your full attention but the leads are amazing and there's a second season coming out this year I'm very much looking forward to! 9/10

The Nokdu Flower: Another sageuk drama about the latter years of the Joseon Dynasty surrounding three people who fall on different sides during the Donghak Peasant rebellion. Incredibly well written and involving historical drama. If you're not sure you're ready to commit to something like Six Flying Dragons, I think this would be another good entry point into the genre. The acting is amazing. 9/10

The Smile Has Left Your Eyes: A romantic melodrama and psychological thriller about a dangerous enigmatic young man on the cusp of becoming either a human being or a monster. He becomes involved in a fraught relationship with the sister of a police detective at the same time her protective older brother begins to focus on him as the prime suspect for a murder. High key moody and tragic if you're into that kind of thing (I am). 9/10

Touch Your Heart: On the complete other end of the drama spectrum, this show is pure unadulterated fluff, which managed to keep me giggling and swooning throughout the run, even though it's typically not my thing. An actress joins a law office as research for a role and falls for the ace attorney she's assisting. 8.5/10

WATCHER: Another OCN thriller about three different people with shady motivations who are connected to the same murder case and become involve in a corruption task force looking into dirty cops. One of those "trust nobody, everyone's a suspect" dramas with lovely complex characters and a fully engaging plot. 8.5/10

Sorry that got so out of hand! This is what happens when you don't give me a little more direction I guess. These are all dramas I quite enjoyed and I believe you will find something in there that will suit your fancy. This is a pretty accurate cross section of my tastes.

Happy watching!

Jona

[bazz-b]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Thomas/Tom     AGE: +25       CONTACT: IM, Ask, Discord

CHARACTER(S): Bazz-B, King Baraggan Louisenbairn, Kurosaki Ichigo, Ichibei Hyosube

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have an ATLA and LOK AU for Bazz-B, but no Bleach AUs for external muses

MY LANGUAGE(S): Passable Japanese, Survivable Italian, Fluent English

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. (what Bazz-B wants is reflected in italics)

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. (usually but I need to catch up at the moment)

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. /DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY I

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING:  You can IM me or send an ask, but the tumblr messaging systems SUCK so I encourage y’all to add me on discord and then just go ham. I’ll only turn down a plot if it’s OOC for Bazz-B, but otherwise I’ll usually try anything. If it’s not working out I’ll typically let you know, but I’m game for most things.

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  Honestly, not a lot. You can be as invested or as chaotic as works for you. You get the urge to suddenly write a specific theme? Hit me with it. The urge goes and you lose interest, that’s fine. Four weeks later and the muse hits you again LETS DO THIS.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  I don’t typically struggle with this issue. If anything, I’m the lackluster end of the plotting side. I typically run things through Bazz-B as their happening, rarely looking forward. Unless there’s an overarching story we’re specifically working towards I’m pretty weak sauce. Sorry people!

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  I’ll typically propose an idea and then see where our muses take us. If my partner needs a rough road map, I’m happy to negotiate what we’d each like to see happen. Generally speaking I let Bazz-B take the wheel.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: If you want to drop a thread, I’m completely fine with it. The only reason I’d want to know is so I don’t start panicking and think that I forgot to reply you your latest response to it.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?:  If I lose the thread, or if I think it’s reach a natural conclusion. I don’t typically abandon one in the middle on purpose.

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: I don’t require a constant, nor deep level of communication, but it’s important to voice concerns. People tend to internalize problems until they become these big ordeals. A friendly message every now and again can save everyone a lot of drama later.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: I BEG for negative feedback. Even if you feel like your nitpicking, it’s the number one thing I crave from writing partners. Tell me what you dislike and I can work on it.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: To tell a story. Bazz-B is my primary muse, and his entire tale is so interesting to me. The foundations of his identity are flawed and I want to explore that as much a I can, throw him into as many situations as possible and watch him evolve.

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  My left arm for an entire roster of Sternritter, of course. Bazz-B and Liltotto surviving after the war. A reality where Bazz-B finds happiness and acceptance in himself. A healthy bond with a Shinigami. 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   I’ll not write rape, it’s understandably triggering for a lot of people and writing it glorifies it, I think. Also racism in a real world setting? I’ve come to terms with it in regards to Shinigami and Arrancar, but they’re fictional groups. I wont engage with it outside of that. Finally, trans-phobia. If a guy like Bazz-B doesn’t engage with that sort of vile nonsense, none of you should either.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: Starters that provide a setting and a purpose are great. The sort of starter that turns it back at the recipient with something akin to “Why are you here” are confining. Also, if in the starter your muse is already pushing away mine.. Bazz-B might just nope outta there.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  Despite my main muse being Bazz-B (or perhaps in favour of it) I typically write as old men cemented deeply in their ways. Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni, King Baraggan Louisenbairn and Ichibei Hyosube are just some examples. Bazz-B kinda fits the bill too.. I GUESS.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  Cold, distant, dispassionate sorts. I could never write as the likes of Ishida, Ulquiorra, Haschwalth, etc. They’re all very nuanced characters, they just don’t mesh well with me. 

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I typically respond lightning fast, my last two weeks or so a poor example of that. I’m passionate, you’ll not find another person so desperately in love with Bazz-B as this fool. I’m easy-going, you can take as long as you want and I’ll still be ready to rumble.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: Tumblr confuses the hell out of me, I don’t understand a lot of lingo and the big CARDINAL LAWS of writing. I struggle with scene transitioning and limb placement, and my tags are a mess.

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS.

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?:  What I want and what Bazz-B want are wildly different things. This man is planting a flag in the middle of bonezone whether I agree or not. I commonly write smut because it’s what Bazz-B wants, but I prefer to do it for development.

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  I am personally the most vanilla dude you’ll meet. I can google things but it might not translate very well.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO A characters growth should never be locked to a specific person, but exploring a character in isolation can only get you so far. As people, we grow from one another. Romance is a key factor in formulating a person’s ideals, but that’s no the only form of ship. The eventual friendship between Bazz-B and Liltotto and Giselle is one of the most interesting things to me. A romance surviving Silbern is incredibly powerful in my opinion. The bond of a teacher and a student. There are so many situations that force a character to change how they would typically react.

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?:  YES / NO. More and more I’ve been thinking that I’ve been writing Bazz-B in more ships, but that is not the blog’s focus. Ultimately I’m exploring the character of Bazz-B, and that just happens to be inclusive of ships. Some of my most active writing partners also happen to be muses that Bazz-B has excitedly/begrudgingly/unexpectedly fallen for.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

 - WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: Individuals who challenge Bazz-B, who force him to rise above what he is, what he thinks he should be. Who tear down complacency and demand better of him in all ways. Whether overtly, intentionally, whatever! 

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - If you come to me and sell me a story, I’m in. I’m easily swayed by visual art, written lyrics (my ears don’t work so good with music for some reason) and themes.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: Bazz-B is a fun guy to taunt, and to cause havoc with. But he’s more than just a hothead, you can read any one of my many rants if you wanna find out about that. With a plot to kill God spanning 1000 years, a burning fury and misguided ideals dragged through the mud of “the lesser of two evils”, he’s a real party trick.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  Muses who, from the start, wish to disengage with Bazz-B. I understand it might be in character, but both Bazz-B and I are gonna struggle to engage if there’s not some allowances made.

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  His ultimate goal is the death of Yhwach. In a perfect world that would coexist with a Quincy victory over the Shinigami, vengeance for genocide. But he’ll take the former over the latter.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  Style, first and foremost. If a Quincy had modified their Wandenreich uniform he’s gonna take notice and make some judgement calls. The rest comes after.

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  Honesty to themselves, and a drive to survive. Not to be buried by what’s expected of them, or what they should do. Free will is one of the fundamental truths of the world.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  Motorbikes, Pop-culture, Fashion, Movies, Himself.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  History, loyalty beyond all else, the importance of leadership and hierarchy, lectures of all kinds.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  His family was burned alive by the man who claimed to be their God. Entering a war on the losing side, his kind facing extinction. Hiding in the shadows, surrounded by a extremist military cult.

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  After a certain point in his life, it’s really only Hollows that should fear indiscriminate murder. Unless you threaten his fragile peace, or claim Yhwach was just.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  Bazz-B hates Hollows, and any Quincy loyalists that stand by Yhwach post-Aushwalen. Anyone who saw the true colors of their progenitor and still deluded themselves into thinking him right.. it’s disgusting.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  Stoke his ego and you’re usually set for a good few hours.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: Nothing you cant already find on one of my many ramblings about that greatest Quincy that every lived, Bazzard ‘Bazz-B’ Black!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @equipollency (I got a phantom notification so I rolled with it)

Tagging: @diepower + @zombiequincy + @verzinken + @cheonsaaui + @bleachsthetic + @senboago + any other quincy reading this

[50shadesofmittens]

Special 6 Second Part- Custodisi and Captain General as romantic foils

Okay so this one is 110% focused on my OTP and NoTP and theories and head cannons I now have and have to adjust. Warning that I discuss Custodisi as a creepy character. Also this gets way way way too detail focused and there’s probably a lot of things I forgot while writing this, details I unconsciously cherry-picked to make my argument.

I kinda noticed that in some ways, Custodisi could be a foil for CG? Personality and story-wise they’re opposites:

Custodisi is almost never freaked out, no matter how bad things get (even when facing Cegoratch). Whereas CG- well...

There’s also their attitudes towards the horror of the world. Custodisi sees horrible things and although he calls people out on them, he doesn’t reject evil itself. He commits atrocities knowingly and willfully because he just doesn’t care. Contrast CG, whose attempts to improve the world kick-start the entire show, and whose belief in Emps has more to do with his faith that Emps is good than anything else. 

Both CG and Custodisi have the foresight and wisdom to understand evil in their own actions and in others. Unlike many characters they don’t delude themselves into thinking they’re acting for the benefit of the world (or the greater good some would say) or are justifiable. But their attitudes and resulting conclusions are polar opposites.

Both are fairly laid-back and willing to be led by others. However, where they recognize their leaders faults and how they draw the line is different

CG draws the line when he feels the consequences would be harmful for others or the rest of the world. He lets himself be thrown around and almost killed, but try to kill one’s own son and he’ll stand up and say no.

Custodisi draws the line when it suits him- when he has something to gain (such as being allowed to continue being naked). Even when calling out Emps about Uriah, he never showed any sign of actual disobedience beyond simply wanting to say what he had in mind

Also, when CG is defiant he only shows his defiance itself- he said ‘no’ and that’s that. At most he’ll discuss the details and facts of the issue at hand without cutting to the core of it. Custodisi, in our biggest examples of direct defiance that goes beyond petty exhibitionism and lust, goes on to explain why he’s saying what he is in full detail

Speaking of, CG can defy one order and still think the exact same of the person he’s arguing with- he does this with both Magnus and Emps, keeping his disagreement separate from his perception of them. Whereas Custodisi seems to actually respect the Emperor less and less each time he stands up to him, attributing his actions in The Last Church to flawed personality immediately. Perhaps this contrast is purely situational, but it’s still interesting that this is what the audience has gotten to see.

CG’s loyalty to Emps includes delusion and willing disbelief in his problems- albeit this aspect is slowly fading, as it does so his willingness to go behind Emps back increases. Custodisi sees and fully accepts Emps flaws, and his loyalty and willingness to obey isn’t changed in the slightest by this (though this might be because he doesn’t care about doing horrible things) (also note that not changing doesn’t mean he was always obeying- he still went around naked after all)

Their character development is both best shown through their willingness to defy Emps. However...

CG starts out unwilling to defy Emps at all but can clearly recognize the actions he disagrees with (even as he's in denial about them later) and slowly grows the will to disobey

Custodisi starts out fully willing to disobey Emps if and when it suits him, and slowly grows a more nuanced understanding of Emps faults and the actions he disagrees with

TL;DR: CG starts with comprehension and gains will, where Custodisi starts with will and gains comprehension

Both consider the emotional states of people around them when stressful situations arise even though their own emotions are running high, but in different ways

CG gets Boreale and Diomedes out of the room when he’s fighting with Magnus, but makes no attempt to comfort them

Custodisi comforts Whammudes when both are terrified by Cegoratch, but beyond emotional support he makes no attempt to make the situation any better or to do anything beyond emotional comfort

TL;DR: CG focuses on action correcting the situation when considering others feelings, while Custodisi focuses on emotional comfort

As Magnus’ “love interest” they’re pretty different:

Custodisi chases Magnus while Magnus pursues CG

Magnus and CG both help push the other towards the character development that they have in place and in many of my interpretations can’t grow close together until/unless they do said character development, while I think a genuine Custodisi/Magnus pairing would work pretty well even if all character development just stopped for both of them

The ways in which their respective character development as encouraged/assisted/pushed on by Magnus exists is parallel in it’s execution- both gain something that can or does help them stand up to Emps

CG gains more of a spine through calling out Magnus’ bullshittery- which we haven't seen come to Emps-related fruition yet but it does seem likely it will

Meanwhile Custodisi accepts and learns to recognize the sins of the Emperor. Most of this is through reading The Last Church but he mentions Magnus and the trial of Nikea specifically in his accusations

Speaking of, the character development that Magnus’ presence helps push CG and Custodisi towards parallels in how Magnus is present and plays an influence

In CG’s case it’s through Magnus’ mistakes, and his direct interactions traveling with CG

For Custodisi it’s the ways in which Magnus was wronged, and through observing his life as an outsider

In my more headcannon based world of TTtD, both CG and Custodisi start with purely lustful interest towards Magnus for his body. Custodisi falls in ‘love’ through observing Magnus’ past, and doesn’t develop any interpersonal relationship with Magnus prior to falling in love. CG meanwhile keeps the two separate for a long, long time, finding friendship and companionship in Magnus first, and from a narrative standpoint he’s kind of more attracted to ‘future’ Magnus in the sense that ‘future’ Magnus has to become reality before CG will be able to trust him with his heart (ie Magnus needs character development before CG can fall in love- again something I like in a fictional pairing that I can’t like in real life because fiction lets you orchestrate it so that character development can coincidentally work like that without any of the creepy aspects of one character changing solely for love or one character changing another into the kind of person they want to be with)

CG’s eventual attraction to Magnus builds in real-time from experiences and events they share, and is a result of their platonic relationship growing closer

Custodisi’s attraction to Magnus builds from his mental image of Magnus, and in his mind he slowly imagines a bond between them increasing in strength over time

Likewise in my headcannon interpretations of the characters, CG undergoes character development started by outside forces that Magnus contributes to by coincidence of personality types. Custodisi undergoes character development largely in reaction to his desire for Magnus

And on a 100% headcannon basis, I like to imagine both characters are Switches, both in terms of pitching and catching AND in terms of dom/sub. Both are, I imagine, are also fully willing to use sex for purely carnal pleasure and have done so

Custodisi has no sexual limits, isn’t bothered by immorality, and carnal pleasure is the end-game of his sexual goals.

ONE interpretation has him use sex without any acknowledgement of interpersonal bond-strengthening tied into it

SECOND interpretation has him use sex with bonds included, but sex is a required trait of all bonds. If he doesn’t want to screw you, you are a non-entity to him. Whether those bonds are brotherhood (other Custodes), servitude (Emps), superiority (implied to be CG), or ‘romance’ (Magnus) there’s no relationship at all unless there’s sex involved in some capacity

CG meanwhile has a firm basis of consent that’s important to him on both receiving and giving end, and he also uses sex also as thereputic activity- though that’s entirely separate from purely carnal sex.

CG’s behavior is the same, though the comparisons with Custodisi differ depending on my interpretation of Custodisi, so I’ll put both

ONE interpretation has CG also see sex as a bonding experience and a potential conduit for deeply personal relationships, as it was with Shadowsun

SECOND interpretation has CG hold sex as a potential aspect of interpersonal relationships, not a defining factor. Some relationships don’t need sex at all, of his some powerful bonds are asexual, and he can feel completely different about a person’s sexual appeal to him than he does to their personality (as with Magnus, and probably many of the people he’s slept with- perhaps even Shadowsun if they never did BDSM [as that would mean he trusted her with his heart and with his emotions and who he is, but they didn’t have and didn’t need a reflection of that trust to occur in the bedroom])

Of course there’s also just the fact that sex dominates Custodisi’s life in every or almost every aspect, whereas I imagine CG is actually freakier that Custodisi, but he keeps his sex life private

Also just to get this out of the way the entire next paragraph is a spoiler for my fanfic Three Times they Don’t so it’s behind the cut.

I’d had a plan for TTtD where Magnus and CG play a tabletop game and Magnus is the GM and is a terrible railroader- but CG is able to deal with that. Their campaign would be largely off-screen but the audience would see enough to know that it’s the plot of Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. It wouldn’t be until their second campaign, where CG broke the rail-roading by abusing pre-established time-travel mechanics that things got interesting for the game. When I saw this episode I was surprised Magnus wasn’t as terrible of a railroader as I thought he’d be, mostly trying to gently push the party onto the track he wants until the piss him off. As I wrote this ramble up I realize I can retain this without breaking fully off cannon yet, with Magnus having to loosen up a bit through the second campaign- although CG still lets him get away with too much railroading, which sets the stage for the cannon special 6. Yay, character development in-progress and fitting into cannon, I don’t have to drop the ideas I already had.

[whindsor]

So at the start of 2019, I made the resolution to read more books! I used to be a voracious reader as a kid, but between college and grad school I kind of...forgot how to do that? So I got myself a library card (clutch, tbh) and spent the year enjoying free books and audiobooks!

Below the cut are the books that I read with short reviews about them. They aren’t the only books I started, but the cool thing about a library card is that since the books are free, you don’t feel bad about not finishing them if you don’t like them! 

Take a gander, maybe you’ll find your next favorite read!

Brief summary, meaning my favorite books of the year: An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir, Outlander by Diana Gabaldon, and An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green!

As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of the Princess Bride by Cary Elwes 7/10 IDK if I enjoyed this because of nostalgia or because it was the first book I borrowed with my fancy dancy library card but either way it was nice to read a first hand account of one of my favorite movies, written by an actor that obviously feels a lot of affection towards it. Snaps to you, Cary Elwes.

Wonder Woman: Warbringer by Leigh Bardugo 7/10 I read it because it was Wonder Woman! She saves a girl who washes up on the shores of Themyscira and goes on an adventure to save her from ancient magic forces. TBH it wasn’t anything earth shattering but it was a fun, adventurous read and an entertaining story. Minus two points because Leigh Bardugo got paid to write fanfiction and I haven’t achieved that yet.

The Selection by Keira Cass 6/10 It was interesting enough to finish the audiobook, and I continued it because I was curious as to what would happen. It’s almost like a medieval AU of The Bachelor. But then the dreaded love triangle came up and I didn’t like where it was going so I didn’t finish the sequel. Entertaining enough, but not one I would go back to.

Wicked Appetite / Wicked Business / Wicked Charms by Janet Evanovich 6/10 Again, juuuuuuuust interesting enough for me to finish the audiobooks. It was the first audiobooks I got with ye olde librarie carde so that’s probably why I was so attached to finishing them. Also it’s about a girl that has magic baking powers, which is also probably why I wanted to finish it. She has to track down dragon balls or something I can’t really remember but it wasn’t bad.

Outlander / Dragonfly in Amber / Voyager by Diana Gabaldon 8/10 I LOVED Outlander, loved Dragonfly in Amber slightly less, and could barely finish Voyager. The series is about a British WWII nurse who gets sent back in time to 1793 Scotland and has to navigate all that mess. Jamie Fraser and eventually Fergus are the crown jewels of this story. Outlander was fantastic to me, it was interesting and funny and saucy and all in all a good story about time travel and the repercussions. There’s like, five more books in the series but again, I lost interest. I’ll probably go back and see what happens though cause I think Gabaldon brings in new characters.

The Lost Girls of Paris by Pam Jenoff 8/10 A book about women spies in WWII France?? Fighting the Nazis and falling in love and being heroes?? Loved it. The characters were real and the fear palpable. Minus two points cause the love subplot was a touch underdeveloped but who knows man war changes things.

A Conjuring of Light by VE Schwab 9/10 The third in the series starting with A Darker Shade of Magic. I loooooooved the characters in this story, the plot twists were exciting instead of annoying, and the way that she uses magic and secrets and reveals were perfection. And I actually really enjoyed the ending, which is surprising. Would read again.

An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green 9/10 A super interesting story about a mysterious sculpture that appears in New York and the subsequent fallout of crazy things that happen. I listened to the audiobook and the narrators were perfect, the story is fast paced and has good twists and the characters are super real and relatable and fallible. TBH I read it cause it’s John Green’s brother (I assume, I didn’t fact check) and he did NOT disappoint. Minus one point just cause I can’t bring myself to give out 10′s a lot.

Cinder by Marissa Meyer 8/10 Honestly? People shit on this book but I really enjoyed it. It’s fun and heart wrenching and an interesting take on the Cinderella story. One of these days I’ll finish Scarlet which is the sequel.

The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger 6/10 Holy shit this was way more intense than I anticipated it being. It was a really good take on time travel and the way it affects people. Truth be told I never saw the movie, but this book was crazy and saucy and super interesting. I didn’t give it a higher rating just cause the time traveler knew his wife since she was six and that doesn’t sit well with me.

Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli 7/10 Both the movie and the book were good, with all the drama and heartache of 1) being a teenager and 2) coming out to the people around him. Very poignant and emotional. Didn’t give it a higher rating just cause it wasn’t super memorable to me? But then again, that’s cause I’m a twenty-something woman and not a teenage gay boy so while it was beautifully written and definitely a very important book, it just wasn’t one of my faves.

Lilac Girls by Martha Hall Kelly 7/10 More women in WWII! Now with all this boss historical fiction coming out I can definitely see why guys are so obsessed with WWII. Then again, I think I would be obsessed with any stories detailing how badass women are during the war. It covers stories from all sides of the war - including the Nazis - and makes it seem so much more real. I started reading the sequel but it wasn’t quite as interesting.

The Diviners by Libba Bray 8/10 A fun fantasy mystery set in 1920′s New York! With ghosts and demons and magic powers and flappers! I really enjoyed it and am currently working on the sequel. The jargon is what really gets me like it’s so Great Gatsby but better. Would recommend.

Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi 7/10 A patient recommended this to me. It’s about a girl imprisoned because she has powers and that is Dangerous. It’s of course a post-apocalyptic military state situation, and she’s trying to escape and low key start an uprising. A really good story with a really interesting voice to the main character. Like, this writing style was SO DIFFERENT and amazing, I’ve never read anything like it. I didn’t continue the series just because the voice was SO good and in tune that it kinda stressed me out.

Time After Time by Lisa Grunwald 6/10 An A+ concept about a ghost in the New York subway and the man who loves her. It’s an interesting take on a lil paranormal romance. I loved the lore and the historical setting (it takes place in like, the 40′s) and really paints a fantastic scene!

Berserker by Emmy Laybourne 8/10 Listen, this book was not something historians will be talking about for years to come. But it’s about a family of siblings who have magic Nordic powers and have to escape Norway and come to the US (which is in prime Old West time) to find their uncle. And they meet a COWBOY. It’s a story about family and love and also occasionally killing people because you have the blood of Odin or some shit and honestly? Catered directly to me.

Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson 8/10 A fun and cool murder mystery set in a special fancy boarding school. Maureen Johnson has been one of my faves for a long time and she did not disappoint with this! It’s about a girl obsessed with a murder at the school, and she transfers in so she can solve it. And the TWIST at the END? Great!

An Ember in the Ashes / A Torch Against the Night / A Reaper at the Gates by Sabaa Tahir 9/10 Another 9 because I can’t bring myself to give a 10, though if anything this series would get it. The voices that Tahir writes with are INCREDIBLE and the story is nuanced and compelling and so good. It’s about a teenager trying to save her brother from prison, as well as a guy graduating from assassin school. I don’t wanna say too much cause I don’t want to spoil if anyone reads it but tbh if you only pick one series PICK THIS ONE. If you like fantasy and stuff of course.

The Huntress by Kate Quinn 8/10 Listen. Mystery solving New York girl, post war. Men hunting former Nazis. Bicon Russian girl who was in the Russian Air force. Do I really need to say more? A phenomenal story that takes place before, during, and after WWII, and the wide variety of stories happening during that time. Great if you love historical fiction!

Sourdough by Robin Sloan 8/10 Just like Berserker this book probably isn’t something they’re gonna teach in English classes. But it’s about a girl who works in robotics on proprioception (!!!) and then?? Starts baking bread??? AKA everything I love in life so, you know, once again a book catering specifically to me.

Magnus Chase and the Sword of Summer by Rick Riorden 7/10 As always, Riorden delivers a phenomenal story with phenomenal characters. And it includes populations that aren’t often the main characters in literature - a homeless teen and a Muslim teen, to name two. I haven’t continued the series just cause I got distracted with other things, but I totally want to.

I’m Not Dying with You Tonight by Kimberly Jones 7/10 A grand adventure that takes place over the course of one night in Atlanta. When a riot breaks out, two girls who haven’t spoken or really know each other are pushed together and spend the rest of the night trying to survive and make it home. It demonstrates two sides of life, and how they’re the same and how they’re different. I listened to the audiobook, which had phenomenal readers.

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee 8/10 A story about a spoiled rich bi boy who’s going on one final tour of Europe before he has to settle down and run his family’s estate. His best friend and his sister are with him, and of course everything goes to hell in a handbasket. But it’s a crazy journey and an excellent coming of age story.

In The Woods / The Likeness by Tana French 8/10 AMAZING murder mysteries! The first is about the murder of a kid in Ireland, and the toll it takes on the investigators and people around them. It has an amazing twist at the end, and even though it takes a while for them to solve the murder, it never gets boring. Same with the second one! It’s a crazy situation that would never happen in real life, but she writes it SO WELL that i don’t even care! I will probably skip the third one cause it’s about a character I don’t really like and also takes place in the past before all of this, but I do want to continue reading these!

Stay Sexy and Don’t Get Murdered by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark 8/10 A great book of essays written by the voices behind “My Favorite Murder,” which is a hilarious and semi-informative true crime podcast. But they talk about more than just true crime in the book - in fact, it’s more about things that they’ve learned throughout their crazy lives. Super eye opening and also really entertaining, and I actually listened to it before I even listened to the podcast, so I feel like that’s saying something!

[lemonysnidget]

Dead Wrong

Or “Who is Beatrice Snicket’s father?”

Reading The End when it first came out, I remember finishing the book and being somewhat bewildered, somewhat dissatisfied, thinking “okay how is that related to anything that came before????”, but also overall thinking “Wow, I’ve got more questions than when I started reading this book.” That’s not to say that I didn’t like the book, or that I didn’t feel like it wrapped up the overarching theme of the series is a really great way. I enjoyed The End, but it’s very different in tone from the rest of the series, and it doesn’t answer a lot of questions you go in with. And even before Chapter 14, you have so many more questions that also won’t be answered. That’s a bold move on Handler’s part, and it’s a rare thing in Children’s Lit (and a lot of fiction overall). 

One of the big questions that has stuck with me as a fan throughout the years - and sparked a few conversations during lunch block with my friends - is Just who is Beatrice’s father? It’s a question you don’t even realize that you could ask until 13.13, and then you’re just kind of stuck with it for the rest of your life. Are the Baudelaire orphans raising the daughter of their former enemy? It’s a great question for Handler to leave the audience with. 

Let’s dive into the significance of why wondering about Beatrice’s father is big, and what implications it has for the meaning of the book.

Reading the series the first time around, you might not even think to ask who is the father of Kit Snicket’s baby. Kit’s presence in TPP is so quick that you might not even have the chance to wonder - I certainly don’t remember even thinking about it, since there were so many other questions to be asked at the time. But, once you have Dewey whisper Kit dramatically before he drowns, the answer seems obvious. You do wonder why Kit didn’t mention Dewey’s existence to the Baudelaires, but you don’t linger on it. You realize that “my brother sends his regards” in Frank’s note is actually talking about Dewey and is kinda cute (or creepy depending on how you’re looking at it) and not a code. And if you didn’t get all of that because the book moves at such a breakneck speed, by the last couple pages of the book, you get this line: 

For another terrible moment, it felt like the boat was going to sink into the water, just as Dewey Denouement had sunk into the pond, guarding his underwater catalog and all its secrets, and leaving the woman he loved pregnant and distraught. (12.13)

Pregnant? Distraught? Sounds like Kit Snicket. So, we have confirmation that Dewey loved Kit (or that Lemony thinks that Dewey loved Kit). And it’s phrased in a way that really makes you inclined to think that there’s little ambiguity on the matter of who impregnated the Snicket lass. 

You get to The End, and everything seems to continue down that same train of thought. Kit asks the Baudelaires specifically about Dewey, and hopes that he will join them too. And then when she finds out Dewey is dead, she just gives up. She tells the Baudelaires: “I've lost too many people—my parents, my true love, and my brothers” and you immediately think she’s talking about Dewey (13.13). You don’t even question it. You just accept that she’s talking about Dewey and move on. But then... suddenly it changes.

"I've lost too much to go on— my parents, my true love, my henchfolk, an enormous amount of money I didn't earn, even the boat with my name on it." (13.13)

There are very few times I’ve actually mentally heard a record scratch in reaction to something, but this was one of them. I remember just stopping and staring at the page for a few seconds, thinking I had misread something. I then flipped back a couple pages to confirm that yep, the parallel structure between Kit’s and Olaf’s statements wasn’t in my head. And I knew that there was absolutely no way that it was an accident. (The in-universe record scratch for the Baudelaires happened with the kiss.)

Handler’s a skilled writer, and he knows enough to be extremely deliberate with his words and phrasing. He knows the importance of punctuation. Even if he might make fun of Aunt Josephine, he uses grammar so well that it’s clear he does care how sentences are structured and how punctuation or the splicing of sentences can provide nuance. No writer worth their salt would have these two sentences in the same chapter (let alone a flip of a page away) if they weren’t trying to say something. Not only do you have similar words and sentiments, there’s similar sentence structure and punctation! These two lines are supposed to go together. And this isn’t even the first time that Olaf and Kit have had very similar lines, in fact in TPP, both Kit and Olaf say "A taxi will pick up anyone who signals for one” matching each other word to word (12.1, 12.9). Perhaps while reading TPP, you didn’t notice it or you assumed it was some kind of code or aphorism of VFD, so you didn’t pay it much mind. But, in hindsight, it seems that Handler was already hinting at Kit and Olaf having a very deep connection. 

More than just parallel structure, Handler has a major, major departure from tone of the whole series and the characterization of both Kit and Count Olaf. ASOUE is not a series that focuses on romance, and it certainly does not advocate the notion of true love - maybe you’d find that in The Pony Party or The Littlest Elf. Love in ASOUE is not a permanent thing, and it is not a good thing. Beatrice 1 moved on from Lemony and was very happy in the life she chose. Charles’ love for Sir was not at all healthy. Esme and Jacques marriage is hardly a fairy tale (more a Russian novel). And even though Lemony seems to carry an ever enduring torch for Beatrice, he never refers to her as his true love. No one mentions true love. But, at the end of The End, pragmatic, Machiavellian Kit brings it up for the first time. It’s a little bit jarring. And then when Count Olaf says it, the reader is asked once again to step back and re-evaluate their understanding of the story’s villain, and the story itself. 

Continuing on that theme of forcing you to re-evaluate a man readers have spent 13 books seeing as a deplorable/disgusting/unloveable individual, Handler gives Olaf and Kit the most intimate moment in the whole series when Kit reaches out to touch Olaf’s tattoo and recite a love poem to him. Two dying individuals on the opposite side of a war, just connecting one last time, to recite poetry to each other. Taken out of context, it seems pretty damn romantic. 

And what does Olaf do in response to Kit’s love poem? He ruins the moment by abridging a poem about the cyclical nature of misery and pain, how children inherit their parents trauma’s, and the best way to avoid passing that burden on is to not have kids and die. Let Olaf say fuck, cowards. Charming thing to say to a pregnant woman in the process of giving birth, eh? Definitely a very Olaf thing to do. Is he just being an asshole? Or is there something else going on? 

At that point, there is no choice but to consider the possibility that Olaf is the father of Kit’s baby. Handler wants us to wonder if Beatrice’s birth is book ended by her parents deaths. 

No doubt, in the year that follows on the coast shelf, the Baudelaires asked themselves just that. Are they raising the child of the man who relentlessly pursued them and who they believe murdered their parents in revenge? They would have definitely done the math and realized that their series of unfortunate events took less than 40 weeks, safely allowing Olaf to have fathered Beatrice before becoming their guardian. 

You can almost see Violet, Klaus, and Sunny searching Beatrice’s face as she grows up, looking for any similarities or clues as to who her father is. Unfortunately, Beatrice “look[s] very much like her mother” so they might never have come to a conclusion (13.14). But, the fact that even with the ambiguity and doubts the Baudelaires still lovingly raised the possible child of the person who they believe made them an orphan is huge. It shows that VFD’s cycle just might be broken. Unlike Olaf, who wasn’t able to let go of the fact that his parents were murdered by at least one of the Baudelaire’s parents and who let it turn him into a twisted villain, the Baudelaires give Beatrice a family, and they don’t let any doubts get in the way of raising her and loving her. And that flies right in the face of everything that has come before.

Instead of the intergenerational passing down of trauma, abuse, and pain that is a part of VFD and the story as a whole, the Baudelaires stand up and stop the cycle. The Baudelaires did not become like Count Olaf, despite their unfortunate events. The Baudelaires rose above their trauma. 

They directly contradict Olaf’s dying words. Man doesn’t have to hand misery to man, and your parents don’t have to fuck you up. Trauma does not have to be something that’s passed on as an epigenetic trait. You can have a terrible childhood, and you can grow up and make sure that whatever you suffered doesn’t happen to the next generation. This is a major takeaway point from the series. 

The ambiguity over Beatrice’s paternity is essential to the overall arc of ASOUE. It completes the circle, and it is a powerful message. So powerful, in fact, that Handler actually decided he had to include it, even if originally, he hadn’t planned on it. 

Handler has talked about how he had to rework some of TPP because of one throw-away line in TBB. But, he hasn’t talked about how suddenly, between TGG and TPP, Kit became 9 months pregnant.

In the driver's seat was a woman the Baudelaires had never seen before, dressed in a long, black coat buttoned up all the way to her chin. On her hands were a pair of white cotton gloves, and in her lap were two slim books, probably to keep her company while she waited.(11.13)

The Baudelaires can see her lap in TGG - Kit was not in her third trimester when Handler originally penned TGG. But, “her belly had a slight but definite curve” as of TPP (12.1). This is a ret-con, folks. Handler can’t change the fact that he had the Baudelaires be able to look into the car and see that she had two books in her lap instead of resting on top of a very pregnant belly, so he tries to act like nothing happened and hopes the readers won’t notice the contradiction. A woman who is about to give birth would have more than a slight curve, I might add, but that’s not exactly important.

Obviously, Kit being pregnant was vitally important to Handler’s story. So important that he contradicted himself, something that he went to great lengths to avoid doing in the same book. If Beatrice’s father was supposed to be Dewey - a character who was only in one book, who supported the Baudelaires rather than challenged them - then Handler would not have done this. Beatrice wouldn’t have been written in if Dewey was meant to be the obvious father. The Baudelaires raising Dewey’s daughter doesn’t really add anything to the story, and it would present far too small of an arc (just the last two books) to be worth it. 

So why even have Dewey be romantically connected to Kit at all? Why not just not give a candidate for who the father of Kit’s baby is until we see her with Olaf? Well... to quote the show:

ASOUE is filled with mysteries. Handler loves weaving them. He loves giving you a few clues here and there, and sometimes giving you enough clues to solve the puzzle on your own, and other times, he deliberately withholds stuff just because it suits his narrative aesthetic. And a lot of the time, he deliberately misleads or misdirects you. 

When it comes to Dewey and Kit’s relationship, Handler gives us enough to connect the dots, but connecting them isn’t necessarily the right thing to do. While it is entirely possible that Dewey and Kit were sexually involved, it is very important to note that Handler does not actually give us any confirmation that Dewey’s feelings were returned or if he and Kit actually were intimate. Dewey loved Kit, yes, that is a fact, but loving someone is not enough to create a baby with them. That’s not actually how it works, even if a lot of sex talks might want you to think so. 

Kit and Dewey were not living together. If Kit and Dewey were planning to co-parent together as a couple, Kit would not be solely responsible for “[choosing] wallpaper for the baby's room” - they would be choosing it together, but instead, Dewey is still living with his brothers at at the Hotel at all hours (12.2) Further support for this is that were Dewey and Kit together, Frank wouldn’t have to act as a go-between for Kit and Dewey by telling her “my brother sends his regards” (12.2). Dewey would have been able to give Kit his regards himself... and he probably wouldn’t be giving regards. For a couple that’s romantically involved, that sounds incredibly formal! In fact, Kit actually describes Dewey as “a wonderful gentleman” (12.2). A similarly stiff way to refer to someone... not to mention the fact that referring to someone as a gentleman is frequently used in the context of a guy not being to forward or taking advantage of a situation sexually where he could have ignored the woman’s boundaries. It really does sound like Dewey, despite loving Kit after years of working with her, wasn’t actually physically intimate with Kit. Dewey’s love, therefore, seems to have a lot more in common with the courtly love of Dante and Beatrice rather than an erotic love.

That doesn’t mean they weren’t mutually emotionally intimate, creating a very strong bond. Kit was obviously extremely distressed by his death and they did work together for years. But, it’s hard to know if Kit was upset to find out about the death of her child’s father or if she was upset because her friend and everything that they had worked for was gone. Or both. Either one is pretty devastating. 

Olaf in book canon is more likely than not Beatrice’s father, for meta reasons and “in universe” reasons. Olaf being Beatrice’s father is consistent with the textual evidence, whereas the textual evidence does not support Dewey and Kit having a serious or even sexual relationship. The Baudelaires considering the possibility that Olaf is Beatrice’s father is absolutely essential for the meaning of the series. The Baudelaires, who unlike us cannot go back and pick apart the text, have to have their doubts, but they treat Beatrice in a way that the prior generations of VFD could not comprehend. 

So you might wonder, Does Olaf know? Does he consider the possibility for Beatrice being his daughter? For him, the matter might be pretty unambiguous, since he has knowledge that the Baudelaires, Lemony, and us the readers don’t have. Perhaps he knows that she isn’t, perhaps he knows she is, perhaps he doesn’t know one way or the other. Regardless, Olaf doesn’t care. Olaf was more than willing to claim he’d kill Kit and her unborn child at the start of The End, but when it comes down to it, Olaf chooses to suffer a lot of pain, prolonging his death, to help the both of them. Darwin might argue that Olaf being Beatrice’s father takes away the selflessness of the act. But, Darwin would be ignoring Count Olaf’s dying words: “Don’t have kids yourself.” Count Olaf did not want to become a father, but he suffers greatly to ensure that Kit’s child is born. 

That is a noble act. 

You could say it would be more noble if it were Dewey’s daughter, but I disagree. Why would Olaf care whether Dewey’s daughter lived or died? He wouldn’t. Olaf’s act is selfless because Beatrice isn’t Dewey’s daughter. 

On the topic of Netflix, and speculation for the third season: 

Do I think the show is going to go this route... possibly. Though the casting of a younger woman to play Kit and a younger man to play the Denouements makes it seem a little bit less likely that they would go for it. But, I do find it interesting that Netflix deliberately added the cake tasting scene in TBB.

Perhaps it might have just been to foreshadow to complicated relationship between Lemony and Olaf, but, it’s interesting that it’s cake when we know that cake is what Beatrice Snicket wants to bring along with her on the boat to escape the island - "Cake!" shrieked the baby, and her guardians laughed (13.14). 

“Cake” is the only non-babytalk line that Beatrice says, and the fact that Handler chose to have Beatrice love cake of all things not to long after he has Lemony inform of us of the fact that Dewey was able to document twenty-seven cakes “that Olaf has stolen” (12.13). Handler wanted to remind us of just how much Olaf loves cakes just before The End. Sure, he’s not the only character who likes cakes, but it is an interesting choice on Handler’s part, and an interesting choice for Netflix to include that scene.

In about a week, we’ll know what route they decided to take with the Netflix adaptation, but I do believe that they have set up the potential for Beatrice being Olaf’s daughter should they choose to keep Beatrice’s line about cake. 

And there you have it, the meta I have had in my ‘drafts’ for six months because I kept on writing it and scrapping it. 

[sophygurl]

Hi! I was just browsing through my activity and noticed that after I responded to your ask about ships a while back, you reblogged and shared your thoughts about Spuffy. I'm so glad you were able to read my opinions and understand them, even if you didn't agree with them. I just wanted to stop by and ask what your thoughts and feelings are on Spuffy? I'd love to hear your perspective :)

Oh wooooow, you have no idea how happy you just made me! I feel like I talk about spuffy quite a lot but without ever really saying much of anything because inside of me it’s just a lot of (!!!!!>?>>?!!?!>fjhghhf?!?!?!?!!?) YKWM? Like feels central exploding all over the place and it’s really difficult for me to put into coherent words. 

But I’ve also been wanting and meaning to write some serious spuffy meta and kinda dissect what it all means to me personally, as a survivor, for some time now. And like. Especially with all of this purity culture stuff coming to a head, it feels like a good time to take the time to try and do it because, yea, shit not only doesn’t have to be pure to be helpful - but sometimes the darker stuff IS the Most helpful. 

And I really did appreciate your perspective about the relationship because you talked about the ways in which it did and didn’t work for you without ever shaming anyone for the way it does work for them? And I wish we could all do that more. 

So thank you so much for sending me this ask, and asking for my perspective because sometimes all it takes for me to finally settle down and write something I wanna write anyways is to be asked by someone else to do it! 

This is absolutely gonna get long so have a read more cut.

For context, let me start by saying that I didn’t watch Buffy when it first aired - it was, mmm, I wanna say about 10-11 years ago when I decided to try it out. And while I was watching it, I was also in the midst of doing some heavy duty therapy work on my PTSD stemming from childhood sexual abuse and then some further traumas in my young adulthood that happened because of poor processing of said abuse. I’m not gonna get into details about my personal traumas except for some specific ways in which they relate to the lens in which I watched and processed the relationship between Buffy and Spike. BUT, due to that lens, there very well may be triggery content in this post. 

My experience watching Buffy, in general, started out with me being really unsure what the draw was in season 1 and then slowly getting more involved in the characters and relationships and mythos as the series developed into a more mature and nuanced show. I was really hooked by season five, and season six is my favorite, with seven a close second. 

I liked Buffy, the character, okay in the beginning but it wasn’t until she started really going through and processing her traumas that I started to personally connect to her. So season six was like, my jam. She was raw and stripped down to the nerve, and cycling between like outright rage to pure numbness and just lashing out trying desperately to feel and to make sense of her experiences and I was like - yea, Buffy, same, Same. And then in season seven she starts really contextualizing her trauma and using the pain of it to give herself more power and then sharing that power with others and it was just … fuck, I can’t even begin to tell you what that meant to me. In that last episode, I felt her handing me back my OWN power - like I FELT it - it really … anyway. We’ll get there.

And then there was Spike, who I loved right away. I love me some snarky villains. I love me the bad boy who has hidden depths inside of him. I love the villain who doesn’t … really fit the mold of the other villains in-verse. I love the villain who doesn’t mind working with the heroes if it fits his agenda. Basically, Spike was fictional catnip for me right out of the gate.

I adored Spike and Drusilla together for a lot of reasons, but for Spike to develop beyond just Big Bad, he had to fall out of her orbit, so I was okay with that ending.

On the other hand, I was never into Buffy and Angel. Watching the series as an adult, it just felt creepy to me how this old vampire basically stalked a very innocent-seeming to me teen Buffy. Their romance reminded me of girls I knew who fell for older guys when I was in high school where the older guy seemed sort of dangerous and mysterious and I get the draw from Her perspective - but not necessarily his? I don’t know, I just personally never really bought them being truly in love - they were sort of practice relationships for one another? Her as a young teenager, and him as someone just starting to re-learn humanity. I never Disliked them together… I just never shipped it. The idea of them being one another’s One True Love’s was just sorta meh to me. 

So when Spike started having his crush on Buffy? I was so ready for that. Because it was so silly at first, right? It was not serious. It was creepy and weird and wrong. But in a way that appealed to me. 

How do I explain? I guess, it had to do with all of the reasons that Spike was Not Like All The Other Villains/Vampires. Angel was always different but ONLY because he was cursed with a soul. It was a thing done TO him and when he reverted back to Angelus he was literally a whole different person and did not have any desire to turn back into Angel. When he was Angel, he was all brooding and guilt-ridden and terrified of his other self. 

But Spike was always different just because he was different. This didn’t mean he had a soul or a capacity for love or the ability to be a Good Guy. It just meant he worked a little differently than the other vampires. I truly think he loved and was devoted to Dru. I don’t think she was capable of returning that love in the same way. 

So, anyway, Spike is back and he’s split with Dru because Dru could just … tell … something was off and Spike was wanting to deny that but then suddenly - crush! Not love, not attraction, not lust, not desire - a freaking schoolboy crush.

But of course it was creepy because hello - soulless vampire who has never had a healthy relationship of any kind in his LIFE. But he starts doing these odd things, like wanting to comfort Buffy when he sees that she’s upset and being willing to take care of Dawn when no one else was available and HE doesn’t get it either, but somehow he’s becoming a slightly more decent person because of this weirdass crush? 

IDK, that’s appealing.

And let me clarify. It’s not appealing to me because I see myself in the Good Girl who can make a Bad Boy into a better person. That is never what’s appealed to be about these types of relationships. 

In large part because of my abuse, I see different layers of myself in each character. 

I went through a large portion of my life pretending very hard to be a Good Girl and then when I finally came out of denial about the abuse realized that was because inside I felt like a very Bad Girl and then as I pursued more recovery realized it’s all a lot more complex than that but really I’ve been more of a Decent Person who felt like a Bad Person trying really hard to be a Good Person. I hope that makes sense.

But the point is. I see myself in both the Good and the Bad characters in these sorts of push-pull love-hate dynamic relationships.

And what I love about spuffy, specifically, is that they’re both … both. Eventually. I’m getting ahead of myself. But yes, Spike suddenly wanting to be decent here and there because of his weird developing feelings for Buffy appealed to me - and especially to part of me that feels Bad. I’m Spike in this scenario, not Buffy. 

But I’m also Buffy, being really grossed by this Bad Person’s interest in me. When Buffy throws her money at Spike and says he’s not good enough for her - that’s me hating myself and saying I’m not good enough. But it’s also, strangely, me taking a stand and saying I’m worth better than the ways in which I was treated.

Gods, this whole abuse recovery dichotomy can be so confusing to explain because like. I never abused anyone. But the ugliness I feel inside of myself has to do with what happened to me, and also with what I know people in my family have done to others. So there’s this idea of Badness there. And the idea of there being forgiveness and redemption for that Badness is very very appealing.

And at the same time? There’s this beauty inside of myself that I always thought I was faking but that it turns out - is fucking real and precious and important. And standing up for that broken beautiful part of myself and saying no to being used and abused again is so powerful.

So in that scene? I’m the ugliness in Spike being hated by Buffy but I’m ALSO the powerful beauty in Buffy standing up for herself.

You can maybe see how this all gets even more tangled up the further we go, yea?

So Spike gets chipped and becomes a part of the team - all the while simultaneously reminding them that he’s still a Bad Guy AND slowly becoming a slightly better person because of his interactions with them and his feelings for Buffy. He’s not even close to redeemed, okay, he’s still a villain. He’s just a more and more intriguing villain, an anti-villain, even, eventually.

And then season six. And Buffy comes back. And she’s broken and raw and needing something that her friends cannot give her. She is needing to connect to the darkness inside of herself, and who is waiting there for her? 

And so yea, okay, hatesex is very appealing to me just inandofitself. It’s like double the passion and it’s animalistic and there’s something so sexy and gratifying about two people just using one another with equal force, yk? 

And Spike and Buffy are physically matched perfectly. She can take all her anger and pain and rage out on him without permanently damaging him. And she’s NEVER been able to let loose like that before. Her first time with Angel was a more tender and sweet moment and then - welp - turns out they can’t do the do. And otherwise she’s been with humans who she’s had to hold back with. There was zero holding back with Spike. 

So from Buffy’s perspective, there’s this amazing relief and release and yea, even, empowerment in being able to just freely let herself go in this way. 

From Spike’s point of view, it was about more. And here is where I feel for him because, at this point he’s still not really capable of love in the way we talk about it as being something from a soul. He’s chipped but not soul’d. He has strong feelings for Buffy that no vampire (besides cursed-soul Angel) should be able to have. But it’s not … quite … love. It’s passion and it’s care and it’s wanting and it’s even becoming something like friendship. But it’s not love, much as he thinks it is.

But he does Think it is. And he’s thinking it’s the same for her, but she just can’t admit it, yet. The hatesex to him … is just  … sex. And he fully believes he’s winning her over. And so her constant rejection of him as a fully human person with a soul and feelings guts him - even as he’s still trying to convince himself that he does love her and she does somehow secretly love him back. 

The fact that she keeps using him physically, and also keeps coming to him for emotional support, supports this belief and keeps him from understanding the reality of the situation.

Now, I think I mentioned than when I was watching this for the first time I was in heavy duty therapy mode yea? Well, there was another even heavier duty therapy mode a good tenish years prior when I had first admitted to the abuse I experienced and got really good and fucked up and made some bad personal decisions and here is where some of that comes to play because I saw myself in this scenario - again from both sides.

I am Buffy learning to enjoy the pleasures of my body and sexuality for the first time but also making really bad decisions about who to share that with because I am still so new to processing my trauma.

I am also Spike - longing for something more and better and being told (by myself) that I was not good enough, that I was bad, that I was not a full human person who deserved good things or good relationships.

(There, there, pastme - it does get better)

Back to first-time-Buffy-watching me. And I am enjoying the HECK out of the spuffy sex and I am feeling for poor pining Spike and feeling for Buffy who is hating herself for what she’s doing and also shipping them like WHOA because there is so much about their dynamic that is just sexy and fun and FEELS everywhere. 

But I knew Seeing Red was coming, because I did have a few things spoiled for me just by existing in the world for years without having watched the show yet myself. I really didn’t wanna watch it, or the rest of season six. So I got into a spiral of just watching the earlier parts of the season over and over - specifically the musical and through the 3 episodes of heavy spuffy sex. I did a LOT of processing during this time and then eventually girded myself to watch what I knew was coming. 

And Seeing Red is awful. Traumatic. Triggering. Terrible. But also, like, gods, did it make sense for where these two characters were at this point in time? I didn’t feel like it was contrived or somehow put in just for the heck of it. It made sense in the narrative. Spike legitimately just did not get it. He did not realize he was attempting rape until … finally … he did. 

And the horror of that, the horror of realizing that he almost did that to the ONE person in the world that he has ever cared that much about? Broke him. Sent him off on a magical quest to get his fucking soul back.

No one did that. Even Angel was Cursed with his soul, right? No vampire ever wanted to get their soul back - even had enough non-ensouled feelings to have the ability to want such a thing. Not to mention going through the trials of actually getting it back.

Season seven Spike is such a different beast. He’s messed up from the soul-thing, but I honestly believe Most of his messed-up-ness came from what The First was doing to/through him. Because … gods, okay.

When Spike goes through the flashbacks and recognizes what his trigger is? (Like the show legit uses PTSD terminology here - it was a Trigger) He processes his Own old traumas and he is able to tell Robin basically - fuck it, I know who I am. I know I did terrible things without my soul, but I can’t and won’t beat myself up for that (for example the way Angel does) because it wasn’t entirely my fault and all I can control now is who I am now and what I do now.

Now THAT spoke to me as a trauma survivor. Stop hanging on to all of this so-called badness inside, forgive yourself, and move on. WOW. Fucking powerful. 

And what he DOES choose to do is to be there for Buffy in any way she will allow him to.

Ensouled Spike is no longer creeping around her or making weird assumptions about her or trying to Get something From her. Ensouled Spike defends her when others attack. Ensouled Spike holds her all night when she needs it and gives her pep talks and asks what he can do to help and accepts when he can’t help and just stands there quietly willing to do battle With her. 

I just … phew… that makes me emotional. 

Because, again, I look back at some of those dysfunctional relationships I got into in my early 20′s and like. None of those fuckers would have done anything like that. 

And my attraction to the Fictional Bad Boy with a Hidden Heart of Gold was never about expecting any of them to. I was with them, unconsciously or even some cases consciously, on purpose to punish myself or to work out past traumas with or just to Feel Something. I never expected or even necessarily wanted deep love from them.

So, here’s the thing. None of those fuckers would have done anything like that for me. Nor I them. 

So Spike slowly gaining his redemption through his willingness to become a better person because of his love of Buffy? Fucking spoke to me.

And Buffy slowly accepting the darker parts of herself through her willingness to let Spike into her orbit because of her feelings for him? Fucking yes. 

And when she hands him the - shit it’s been a long time - that medallion meant for a champion? And he doesn’t think he’s worthy, but she says she knows he is. Fuck!!! That is ME accepting ME, okay? All of myself, the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, the messed up and the slowly healing. All of it. 

And when he sacrifices himself in the end??? When that’s how she’s finally able to defeat The First? All that power sharing with all of the other women was *chefkiss* but it also took Spike. Spike who stormed on the scene in season two with snark and a twisted sense of love and no desire to ever be a hero? That Spike!? Sacrificing himself and STILL NOT BELIEVING BUFFY LOVES HIM. 

Because by then, let’s be clear, she did. Maybe not the same way he loved her, but she did love him. And he doesn’t believe it, can’t believe himself worthy of that love. But he sacrifices himself ANYway?

THAT Spike? Is no longer asking anything in return. He gives all of himself and won’t even accept her statement of love in return. “No, you don’t. But thanks for saying it anyway.” Just AUGJH?!? You know??? 

That was me … redeeming me … for me…. 

So anyway. 

I just want to add that AS I WAS WRITING THIS OUT, I got another ask in my inbox stating “People who like problematic or villainous characters are apologist for shitty people and should rethink their life because they’re shitty people.”

And this is the exact WRONG time to come for me like this because I just poured out my entire traumatized abuse surviving soul into the internet to explain why watching a problematic villain evolve and learn to do better helped ME to contextualize and process my fucking trauma. So fuck you. People who write anonymous hate without knowing the full story are being shitty and should rethink their actions because they’re shitting on actual REAL LIFE COMPLEX INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE. 

The end. 

[seasaltmemories]

Devil’s Line Review/Analysis

This is gonna be a different beast to tackle for a few reasons A) I actually started this once before and dropped it, B) For a proper analysis I’m gonna have to dive into spoilers, and C) I technically haven’t finished the entire series, as the last volume of the manga isn’t translated (and I will only talk about the manga here) I say this all so you’ll be gentle with me as I pop from subject to subject

To start let’s get that summary:

Tsukasa, a college student, is rescued from an attack by a devil, one of many vampires that can blend in among the human population. Anzai, her savior, is a half-devil who exploits his supernatural gifts as a member of a shadowy police task force that specializes in devil-related crime in Tokyo. As Anzai continues to keep guard over Tsukasa, the two quickly forge a tentative bond—one that Anzai fears will test his iron-clad rule of never drinking human blood …

So I feel like expectations play a lot into how you receive this story and what you want to get out of it.  My first time going in I was told it was a dark fantasy series, and then what I got in the 7 or 8 chapters I read was a lot of faffing about of will they won’t they with the external plot only appearing to be there to drive the main couple together, so I got bored and dropped it

This time I went in not only knowing there would be a lot of romance, but also personally more in the mood for vampire stuff, and kinda meeting it where it was allowed me to see it grow into more interesting ways

The beginning isn’t bad, but I think it is best appreciated when you know up front this is 50% romance and 50% thriller, both genres are equally important to the narrative, but rather than starting out with that ratio, the beginning focuses entirely on Tsukasa’s and Anzai’s blossoming romance, from there a greater plot concerning devils begins to unfold, and then the two really begin to work in sync to prop both sides up

Bc once the ball starts rolling, the plot becomes a high-speed mystery concerning secret conspiracies and questions of who you can trust, what started out simple gets more information added on that complicates matters as you begin to question your own judgement, still what keeps the plot from becoming a jumbled mess is the fact at the heart of the story is always Tsukasa and Anzai, it gives the narrative focus that I’ve see few things series have

I should also mention my first impressions of the romance being shaken bc I am so used to series having couples who are love at first sight yet waste the entire time actually getting together until the end, and while these two basically also have love at first sight and take a while to actually get together, they get together in an overall timely manner, and their relationship is allowed to grow and evolve in very mature ways, not just sexually but also emotionally, a lot of their arc together is learning about how to communicate what they want to the other and as their relationship grows, their strength as individual characters grow as well

Now I’m gonna get into some spoilers, but what turned the series from simply fun into can’t put down is the timeskip

A lot of the elements that I enjoyed were being done before the time skip, but I feel like the skip is what allowed it to reach new heights it just kept hovering up at

Bc slowly as we start from Tsukasa and Anzai, the world expands, first to his colleagues, then to their enemies until it is a large but never burgeoning cast of connections, and the way they keep it all together is that it is grounded by lot of casual little moments to see people just be people, no matter their relation to the protagonists, we are consistently shown the humanity of almost everyone we come in contact with, and as a result it is hard to not fall in love with people who had previously tried to murder your faves (and might still currently be doing so)  and after the timeskip we just get hit with back to back side stories of the cast each going through their own internal problems, while still keeping to focus on Tsukasa and Anzai

Another thing that helps is that the worldbuilding concerning devil’s is extremely well-done, again it starts out simple “they see blood, then transform into monsters, sexual lust is connected to their bloodlust” but not only do we learn devil’s themselves, but a lot about what it means for a world to have a population like this, for example we get a detailed look into the tech created to help devil’s have safe sex with human partners and while it can be easy to poke fun at such specific details, by the end of the series it really does feel like an actual genetic disorder rather than some supernatural stuff with a sciency explanation tacked on

A moment that really made me stop and realize “oh the person behind this must know stuff besides story-telling” was when after and educational lecture about devils, the speaker admitted privately that the model used to describe them was problematic in that it demonized certain sects of devils, like wow, it was a quick moment, but a story showing the struggles of nuanced activism? Then we not only touch upon exploration of devil’s through a social science lens, but the overall philosophy that gets brought up on how to deal with institutional bigotry is interesting (this will be endgame spoilers so if you want to skip this, scroll down until you see bolded words again)

In two separate cases, we see two queer women involved in institutions get asked to do something unethical, both decide that if they refuse then they’ll get fired and someone else will simply take their place, and their goal then becomes to work through the system until they make it to the top and can start openly resisting

The effectiveness of these strategies is intriguing to dig through, the first is a researcher breeding devil/human children to study, (many of the participants being convicts) and from her actions we see her try and inform those involved to the best of her abilities and get their consent, and when possible, try to use couples who are already together, any information that would put individuals at risk of being chosen for illegal experimentation, she destroys, when she becomes the head researcher, she changes the program to rely completely on studying the children of already formed devil/human couples who come to them willingly

The second is asked to head the conspiracy of wiping out all devils, when ironically she is a devil herself, and so what they do is essentially play their part until they’ve amassed enough power to eventually stage a coup, until they can get an insider to be the prime minister to publicly reveal to the world, the conspiracy and have vocal support of devil rights, not only does this plan depend on the actual killing of innocents and riling up actual bigotry, but it also attracts actual cold-blooded killers and violent bigots which complicate matters, and for all their effort, the prime minister gets assassinated right during his big speech 

As I mentioned their is still one volume left untranslated so I don’t know how it will add on to this, (most of the plot lines got wrapped up so I can’t see many major developments happening beyond wrapping up character plot threads) but they’re some juicy thematic questions to chew on as well, which is always a treat

Returning to some general strengths of the series, there really is a genuine sex-positive stance, I say that specifically bc it isn’t just simply exploring themes of sex, but also the way it does so, as mentioned above, there is a lot of baggage around devil’s and their sexual relationships, but a lot of what the characters have to learn is that such desires are normal and not some great abomination, just something they have to be responsible about, no one is shamed for communicating what they want/like, especially women, where multiple female characters are in fact openly encouraged to communicate to their partners that they are interested in sex, and from their we watch multiple couples (including a m/m one) work out what they want, in one neither is interested in romance, but is ok with a friends with benefit thing, two have the male participant be unsure of their feelings and so they work in their comfort zone (one likes physical touch and kissing, another they only hug) the m/m couple not only get screen-time of struggling with the “are you gay, I want to show interest but not get perceived as a creep” deal, but one admits to being repulsed by sex, and they still work out a romantic relationship

And the most surprising amount part of this, is that there is no unnecessary titillation, the eternal question of what is over-sexualization and all can get confusing and tiring, so I won’t define a specific threshold here or say this is the only way to tell such stories about sex, but first you don’t got any unrealistic body proportions on anyone or any creepy shots, everyone is fully clothed and dressed normally for the non-sexy bits, and while we do get a sex scene, it is pretty non-graphic (you got boobs and that is all that it on screen) so there really isn’t any confusing moments like in other stories I’ve experienced where I have to wonder if the framing contradicts its message 

I could go on, but the strength of the story lies within at the end of the day being about normal people just trying to live their lives, it really does seem to capture the essence of what it means to be human effortlessly, and I am just immediately charmed and ready to follow Ryo Handa in whatever other projects she does

[schmergo]

Scarlet Pimpernel at Lincoln Center (informal review)

I just saw the most amazing show at Lincoln Center last night. I said to someone the other day that I don’t usually write informal “reviews” of limited-run productions because nobody else would probably be able to get tickets to them, but this was something special. It was a one-night only semi-staged version of The Scarlet Pimpernel, which originally ran on Broadway from 1997-2000 and has never yet been revived. A rarely-performed musical, my friend Wren and I discovered it in 10th grade and quickly fell in love with the catchy score but never thought we’d see a professional production.

When I first heard about the Lincoln Center concert, I burst into tears with excitement and thought, “Oh MAN, I wish I could go!” and moped around for a few days. Then I realized, “Hang on, I have some money saved. I have lots of unused vacation days. It’s only a four-hour bus ride away. What’s stopping me from going?” And I am so glad I did. Was it a flawless production? No. Was it painstakingly and meticulously designed and rehearsed? Definitely not. But was it one of the liveliest, most entertaining shows I’ve seen with top-notch vocals, hilarious gags, and tremendous audience response (actors sometimes having to cut off the excessive cheers and applause after certain numbers) that culminated in a 100% standing ovation? All that and a bag of pommes frites.

If you’re unfamiliar with the story, The Scarlet Pimpernel is based on a classic adventure-romance novel by Baroness Emmuska Orczy. Set during the French Revolution, it’s often called the original superhero story, in which a disguised vigilante hides behind a mild-mannered secret identity. When fashionable English gentleman Sir Percy Blakeney suspects his new bride, Marguerite, may be a spy for the French Revolution, he sets off on a mission to rescue innocent people from the guillotine- without his wife finding out. But he and his band of merry men don’t fight terror with terror. No, they employ witty disguises, tricks, and antics, leaving behind the mark of a flower called the Scarlet Pimpernel (Percy’s family crest). Back home, the men escape suspicion by exaggerating their mannerisms into ridiculous caricatures of fancy fops who care more about French lace and silk than French Revolutions.

But when Marguerite’s ex-lover Chauvelin (now a high-ranking French agent) blackmails her into discovering the true identity of the Pimpernel lest her brother die, she little knows how close to home her mission will hit.

It sounds like it could either be an overwrought melodrama or a Looney Toons short- and indeed, it is a bit of both. The musical itself endured many extensive rewrites during its short run, never quite finding the right balance. This concert seems to be a mish-mash of about three different past versions with at least one new song. But despite the jarring shifts between heart-wrenching ballads and silly slapstick in which tap shoes become a valuable component in a duel and executioners are distracted by 123 rampant geese, this performance was so rich in heart, joy, and spirit that the whole audience beamed along.

Of the leading roles, the only one I’d never seen or heard before was Tony Yazbeck, inhabiting the many hats (literally) of the Pimpernel himself. I can confidently say that he gave one of the most brilliant performances I’ve ever seen, period. Although he’s already an accomplished performer, I suspect this one-night show might catapult him to being a massive star. He’s, like, a quadruple threat, with so much stage presence that he shimmers. Yazbeck’s Percy can be ludicrously silly or achingly sincere, powerful or vulnerable, with a powerhouse voice and untiring energy and grace. I was sitting close enough to see all of his facial expressions, however over-the-top or subtle, and he was totally immersed in the character the entire time, sometimes hurling his script to the ground with emotion. (Remember, it was a staged concert with about a week of rehearsal.) He frequently breaks the fourth wall, trying to steal a violinist’s bow, dropping ad-libbed comments, sitting in the audience or dancing down the aisle, without dropping his polished English accent. I can’t wait to see what he’ll do next.

My personal favorite singer, Norm Lewis, co-starred as sinister French operative Chauvelin, who I can best describe as a more seductive Javert who is constantly humiliated by those around him. Having recently seen him in the Music Man, in which he gave a jovial performance but struggled with some lyrics, I was relieved to see that he held his script in hand most of the time here. He still flubbed the occasional word and seemed overly reliant on his script at times, but oh my good golly, I have NEVER heard his voice sound better. He has one of the richest, most powerful voices on Broadway, not to mention a huge vocal range, and this score puts all of it to use. This is the 6th time I’ve seen him live (plus his filmed performances in the 25th anniversary Les Mis concert and NBC’s Jesus Christ Superstar), and every song he sang here sent huge chills up my spine and fireworks off in my brain. Gosh, I love him. I do think Mr Lewis bit off a little more than he could chew doing these two semi-staged concerts only a week apart— he did seem less confident than the other performers— but I still feel so lucky to have seen him in both.

Laura Osnes sparkles as the sensitive and vivacious Marguerite. Her voice is higher and lighter than how I’d heard the role performed before, but she can certainly belt out a tune when required. She gives nuance and genuine feeling to Marguerite’s inner conflict, even joining in a sword fight to defend her husband! Osnes shows remarkable poise, rarely consulting her script. She has especially great onstage chemistry with Corey Cott, who plays her little brother with earnest puppy dog eyes and a strong pop vocal.

Though I didn’t like all of the changes in the song listing, lyrics, and script, I was completely invested the entire time. The able and versatile ensemble took on a variety of roles, from Percy’s merry men to French guards. Drew Gehling gave a particularly scene-stealing turn in the dual roles of Robespierre (stern and sardonic) and the Prince of Wales (utterly zany and wearing a magnificent feathered hat). Backed by a chorus of over 200 people and a full orchestra, the music was nothing short of sublime.

The pared-down nature of the show mostly came across in costumes and props, or lack thereof- Percy’s elaborate 18th century suits were clearly necessary to the plot, but stood out against most characters’ contemporary clothing. Supporting characters merely threw on a cheap-looking accessory or two to connote a different character or disguise, and Marguerite wore modern ball gowns. Sometimes, the script referred to characters changing clothes without the actors actually doing so. Still, the movement and staging was more complex than I had expected, and I was particularly taken by the effective guillotine prop.

All in all, I left the theatre electrified and touched that this huge audience- David Geffen Hall holds 2,738 and this show was pretty much sold out- had all seen and evidently loved this musical that means so much to me, that over 200 people put in so much effort and enthusiasm to bring it to life, and that I got to be there.

Another thing that unexpectedly moved me was Percy’s character arc. I’ve always strangely related to Percy despite not being heroic, rich, or fashionable, but I AM known for being kinda silly and flamboyant. And like Percy, I like to think there’s more to me than that. Although Percy becomes the Pimpernel out of anguish and desperation, he seems to genuinely relish getting to act so weird and over-the-top. He seems so comfortable in his own skin. Even when his identity is unmasked, he continues to be outlandish, even forcing Chauvelin into a tap dance battle. He and his wife desperately love one another, his friends care about him and always have his back, and he’s able to be his true and complete self— strong, smart, and brave, yes, but also in touch with his feminine side, compassionate, theatrical, romantic, and generally outrageous. As someone who feels equally accepted by my loved ones despite my outsized personality, I love this non-conformist romantic hero who proves you don’t have to be macho and grimly stoic to save the day.

“And that is why the lord created men!” Percy sings after springing a trap on Chauvelin. Marguerite and Madame Tussaud, who both helped, cough. “And women!” he sings to cheers from the audience.

I loved this show. I wish you could have been there. I’m heading home on the bus right now and this piece reminded me more then anything how much I value and appreciate all of the people in my life. Onward, ho!

[justanotherdumpingground]

Chapter Reviews: May 28-June 1, 2019

Wishful Thinking Chapter 8:

Emus! I'm so glad they finally appear! And the entire scene with them is simply funny and worth it. Pete's an uttee nutcase, though an entertaining one as well. The premium scene with Emi is so adorable that I want to see the emus again in future chapters.

Glad I get to show Alec who's boss. This guy should just stop treating his employees like crap. If only I could have him replaced by someone better (not Ellen, though), that would be better.

I'm glad I finally get to hang out with Anna outside of work. Most of her appearances have her and the MC doing their jobs, so a casual chat about the emu incident feels refreshing. And Charlie's office getting trashed means something fishy is going on, probably someone opposed to him like Ellen, though I could be wrong. Since the summary for Chapter 10 sounds like Anna has some secrets to share, it seems that something is up with Charlie. He's really fishy.

A Courtesan of Rome Chapter 19:

Another exciting chapter that kept me hooked like the previous one. I was worried what Cingerix might do to the MC, so I picked the premium option to talk him out of serving Caesar. I think doing so results in the MC and Victus having a positive opinion on Cingerix, who helped his sister escape as a result.

It was fun to watch MC train under her dad and Euthymios in preparation for the gladiator match, and Cingerix developing feelings for Euthymios. If only I can get my hands on Flavius for killing Locusta and poisoning the MC, my life would've been complete. At least there was Delphinia to pray for her daughter's safety, though the MC should really be more defiant towards Flavius.

Anyway, with my anger gone from me, it was satisfying to watch my MC deliver a speech gearing public opinion against Caesar. Even more so with Sabina chanting with the crows.

Man, I can't wait for the final chapters. Especially now that the MC has told the news about Cingerix's change of heart to Delphinia.

Passport to Romance Chapter 12:

I'm just sick of Elliot and William bickering that I want to shove them inside a room to sort out their own messes. On to the regatta.

As expected, the folks there are so snotty that I can just roll my eyes. I get that Sumire has to develop as an artist, and taking criticism is an important part of it (hence me telling her that it's a learning experience), but the impression Bronwyn gave did nothing to endear me to her. Same goes to Carlisle, whom I dislike more for talking like money's the only thing that matters. Either way, who cares about these two? I didn't spend diamonds to steal Carlisle's champagne, though. :P

So Elliot just got his entire friends in trouble by placing a huge bet on a losing boat? Well, thanks a lot, loser! I swear, Elliot keeps blowing his chances to make meaningful contributions to the group that it pisses me off to no end. The only times he did that were to provide the group a place to stay in Lucerne and a private plane to fly them to Monaco. However, their stay in Lucerne doesn't make sense when they could directly go to Germany from France, and Elliot just waited until they missed the second flight to reveal that his family owns the airline of the missed flights. I seriously question his usefulness. As for Marisa, she better not lose all that money from betting Carlisle.

Nightbound Chapter 7:

Why are there options to be mean to Vera for no reason while ignoring the fact that she saved MC from a zombie? I get that her power is deadly, but she used it for good, and had no intention to harm others. Let's hope others will warm up to her.

Heh, no surprise Lady Smoke is Vera's mom. I stumbled upon a theory @a-whore-of-rome came up with, though much of the information involves Vera's first premium scene, followed by the mention of Lady Smoke as a mobster. And wow! Vera and her mom are complete opposites. I think Lady Smoke kinda has a point that they shouldn't live in fear because of their powers. After all, their power to kill others with their bare hands isn't necessarily a curse, but can come in handy depending on the user and their intents. I think Lady Smoke lets this power get in her head that she largely uses it for her benefit. A pity I didn't get her monster tear, but I certainly have plans to get it.

A premium scene to talk to Priya Lacroix. Pass, at least for now. I make no secret why I hate Priya, even though spending time with a love interest sounds like something I'd do once I know who my LI will be. For the time being, none of the love interests capture my attention.

Platinum Chapters 1-2:

First impressions-wise, the story seems OK. I don't like the clichéd bits (small town girl gets picked up by a star), but there's still hope for something else. Super glad that my MC gets to wear glasses as a regular accessory, rather than as part of another outfit. After all, I also wear glasses. And not to mention that the fanbase meter and that certain actions can cause the MC to lose fans looks like a good mechanism that prevents an immediate rise to fame cliché.

Interesting that both Avery and Raleigh can be either male or female, depending on player choices. For Avery, I picked the female one because she's so pretty. The male one's eyes look dopey, but that's just personal impression. Raleigh's harder because both choices look good, though I ended up picking the female one. It's probably not final, though.

Heh, I know Ryder from AME would make a cameo appearance in this story, and it seems that he's in his element. Also, Shane is a good friend to have so far. It's a blessing.

What is it with PB and its affinity with the rival girl cliché? I get that Jaylen isn't a saint, but this cliché discourages players to view characters with proper nuance and understand their roles in the story. After all, an important part of evaluating characters is to not let biases on certain "types" hinder one's thinking.

Anyway, let's see how this story developes.

Open Heart Chapter 16:

Honestly, I really don't like the fact that the MC acts friendly towards Landry even though the way he sabotaged the MC involved disrupting patient care. Because of this, I continued picking options that don't give him credit. Not once did he feel remorse over sabotaging the MC and putting patients at risk. It's like the situation with Sebastian in The Sophomore all over again. Forced to forgive someone who not only expressed no remorse for their wrongdoing but also forgetting that what he did are illegal, dangerous, and degrading. It doesn't help that his sabotage of the boiler is enough to erase sympathy for him.

That aside, I finally get to work with Ethan on Naveen, and it seems that Ethan is more open on his respect for MC. That seems reassuring, especially since I giggled at him saying that his middle name's Jonah after the MC saying Ethan "Freaking" Ramsey.

Seeing Aurora wish the MC luck was nice and calming. I'm proud of her taking the initiative of being nice towards the person who consoled her. It doesn't erase her flaws, such as her overconfidence when she downplayed a case as "not interesting", but I'm ready to see her slowly warming up to others and learn that all patients are interesting in their own way.

Man, I can't believe the next chapter is the finale. I won't be surprised the MC will win and keep their medical license, followed by a little celebration that involves premium options to spend time with a love interest.

Bloodbound Chapter 3:

Too bad that it costs diamonds to actually have fun in Vegas in order to blow off some steam in preparation for meeting with Landgon. Well, I'm not super tempted to buy them because my LI is neither Adrian nor Lily, though I like them both.

Anyway, on to meeting Langdon. I knew this guy's shady, but to see him keeping various supernatural beings alive sickens me. Even more so when he planned to keep MC and co. as part of his collection.

So the cameo comes from Cal. Well, not surprising, and I'm just scared at what might happen to him.

And Lily saying "to defeat the Huns" is what I need to cheer me up and lighten my mood. Despite being a vampire, she always stays true to herself and helps in any way she can. I have great confidence she'll be a great assistant to Jax.

Regarding the second flashback, I feel bad at Adrian killing the Confederate soldiers, though I wonder if that scene has changes depending on his appearance. And Gaius just reminds me how ruthless and creepy he is despite having another side to him in the previous chapter. He's shaping up to be a villain I like.

[the-apocryphal-one]

Novel Review: Uprooted by Naomi Novik

“Our Dragon doesn’t eat the girls he takes, no matter what stories they tell outside our valley. We hear them sometimes, from travelers passing through. They talk as though we were doing human sacrifice, and he were a real dragon. Of course that’s not true: he may be a wizard and immortal, but he’s still a man, and our fathers would band together and kill him if he wanted to eat one of us every ten years. He protects us against the Wood, and we’re grateful, but not that grateful.”

I’m sorry, but when you open up your book with that paragraph, intentionally invoking and subverting typical fairy tale tropes with a fun tongue-in-cheek narration...you’ve got me hooked. And if you get me hooked like that, you’d better follow through. And this book did. Hot damn it was good. I binged it in a day.

Apparently the author used to write fanfiction; it shows, because she took away all the good lessons you learn from it and left behind the bad parts. Uprooted is a stand-alone medieval fantasy with a refreshingly original tale and lovely use of fairy tale tropes and you should definitely check it out.

Summary: Once a decade, the Dragon comes and Chooses a single girl from the valley he protects as payment. Agnieszka (Nieshka for short) doesn’t worry about being taken; she worries about her beautiful, talented, perfect best friend Kasia, who everyone knows will be Chosen. But for a reason Nieshka can’t fathom, the Dragon picks her instead, and she gets sucked into a world that is dark and horrifying...but not in the ways you’d expect it to be.

Spoiler-free cliffnotes review:

- After a while, YA female protagonists start to get cookie-cutter. Nieshka is not at all cookie-cutter; she’s unique, sweet, and genuinely flawed. I never found myself irritated with her, and I kept getting prouder and prouder of her as she grew into her own.

- Likewise, YA romances tend to be cookie-cutter and feel shallow or lust-based. And don’t get me started on the love triangles. But thankfully, there are no love triangles here, and the romance is background, slow-burn emotional goodness. Bonus points for neither lead being hot; they’re actually kind of plain. Poor Nieshka especially gets called horse-faced and nothing special to look at.

- The other characters are all developed well; Kasia, the wizards at court, the royals, the antagonists, they all have their own distinct personalities and motivations. And boooooooy I love Nieshka’s friendship with Kasia, it is Good and Strong and we need more platonic relationships like that in literature.

- Worldbuilding was enticing, I was genuinely interested in the different legends and histories and songs. Downside is the world itself felt a little confusing in terms of layout; nothing that created a plot hole, but I could have used a map.

- Novik’s prose is beautiful, and especially shines when she’s creating atmosphere, but can be a bit too long at times. It definitely slowed me down while I was reading.

- She’s great at pacing and tension. The stakes start small but important, and then they grow a little larger, and then they just spiral up and up and more and more is at risk and I kept holding my breath waiting to see how the heroes would get through it this time.

...And have the spoiler version below the cut:

The Gushing:

- honestly I love Nieshka because she is just so unlike your typical YA protagonist. A lot of them are cold, brave, loner-types who don’t need help. Nieshka’s a self-admitted coward, genuinely clumsy (she’s always dirty from spilling stuff on herself and tripping), and anxious...but also a big sweetheart, idealistic, and kinda spacey. Like the Dragon took her to teach her magic, and she keeps thinking about how restrictive it is. Then she starts thinking about it in terms of wandering through the woods not knowing what she’s looking for, but she’ll know when she finds it, and she’s picking berries in her head, and suddenly: boom, magic. And the Dragon is furious because that’s too unorganized, what do you mean woods there aren’t any woods here, how are you doing it????

- it is essentially Wizard vs Sorcerer, to put it in DnD terms, only she is the only Sorceress in a world of Wizards and they can’t. get. it. it’s hilarious. (but she also can’t do their stuff, she has all the power without the precise control. They’re all stronger working together, so it’s not “super specialness”, it’s a fair trade)

- Delicious slow-burn, enemies-to-friends-to-lovers romance, yum. It’s written subtly and beautifully; I love the detail when she stops thinking of the Dragon by his title and starts thinking of him by his name. You just see the relationship changing without being told it is. 

- speaking of, I love the Dragon. He’s laid out as nuanced and “not a bad lord” from the start--protective of his vassals, enough to personally step in to help them, but also extremely distant. He thinks of the needs of the many vs the few, he’s grumpy, he never socializes, and he demands a sacrifice of a girl every decade--just to clean his tower, but everyone thinks the worst because he doesn’t do anything to make them think otherwise. So no one likes him except in that local proud “he’s our lord” way. And he keeps getting taken off-guard by Nieshka (again: “HOW ARE YOU CASTING LIKE THAT?!”) in a way that’s kind of adorable.

- Nieshka's profession at the end is becoming a druid-type healer. I LOVE THAT. there’s like some stigma against women doing feminine things in YA literature, and Nieshka just goes for it. She has the power to be a war-witch, and she’s used her magic that way, but she hated seeing battle and death. She goes “nope, I’m gonna peace out and heal the damage caused by this war.”

- I love how Nieshka knows the Dragon is gonna run from their relationship and decides she’s not gonna beg him to stay bc he needs to figure that out for himself. If he doesn’t come back, she’ll be sad, but she’ll move on. Her life doesn’t revolve around him, that’s refreshing, and it makes the moment he does come back (bc of course he does) that much better.

- Nieshka and Kasia’s friendship is the Good Shit, they’re just completely devoted to each other and it’s not at all framed in a romantic way. ACTUALLY their platonic love is the central relationship of the story instead of the romance, and I LOVE THAT, because romance shouldn’t be The Only And The Biggest bond in our life. But they also have their secret envies and hurts, but their friendship just grows stronger for it??? it’s just so good???

- Okay, for some non-Nieshka things (but seriously I love her), how about the side characters? They’re never reduced to “stop mattering when the hero leaves the screen”, they get motivations explained and other facets of their character explored. Alosha the witch-blacksmith, the Dragon’s rival the Falcon, KASIA, Prince Marek. Marek is like the perfect shadow archetype of Nieshka, they both really want to save someone they love from the Wood, they both refuse to quit, and it’s just plain bad luck that his quest was doomed from the start. So even though she hates what he does, she understands why he’s doing it, and admits she might well have done the same in his shoes.

- The Wood is terrifying. Novik uses a lot of pretty descriptive words in her narration that borders on flowery at points, but when it comes to the Wood, it underlines how horrific that place is. At one point, the Wood corrupts Kasia, and she describes sap seeping out of her eyes and mouth and I gagged reading it. Or here, take this paragraph:

“I could see light shining through my own skin, making a blazing lantern of my body, and when I held up my hands, I saw to my horror faint shadows moving there beneath the surface. Forgetting the feverish pain, I caught at my dress and dragged it off over my head. He knelt down on the floor with me. I was shining like a sun, the thin shadows moving through me like fish swimming beneath the ice in winter.”

- yes thank you I really needed the imagery of living evil fish swimming under someone’s skin in my life (translation: beautiful prose but ahhhh!)

- plus the Wood is alive and incredibly smart. It spends the whole book playing speed chess and keeping you double-guessing every apparent victory the heroes have. Combined with the supernatural/horror aspects, it really feels like an eldritch and dreadful force of nature. 

- there are like three books’ worth of plot in this one, but they all get developed and paced well. there’s just so much content, and it’s varied and exciting and gripping--training with the Dragon, rescues in the Wood, courtly intrigue, a siege on a tower, kickass magic battles, and The Big Final Mission which ends in a way I don’t want to spoil, even in the spoiler section.

Critiques:

- I really wish Novik included a map of the land, because I just kept getting confused where everything was. At first I was under the impression the Dragon’s tower was to the west, closest to the Wood; then it and the Wood turned out to be in the east? And the capital is...north, northwest of that? But then why are Nieskha and Kasia crossing mountains to get to the Dragon’s tower in the south, the mountains are in the east too, dividing them from Rosya, right??? where even is everything??????? it’s possible I was a dumbell and just misread/misremembered stuff, but that’s why a map would have been helpful.

- Novik’s writing style is beautiful, it’s fairy tale-esque and fits the setting...but once in a while it’s too much, you know? She really, really wants you immersed in the physical sensations of the world she created, and in cases like the Woods, it works well to convey the sheer monstrosity of the place. In other cases, it feels kinda like a slog; there’s one point where she writes at length about the pattern of a carpet. How interesting.

- Usually in YA fiction, the heroine doesn’t care about her parents or vice versa. Thankfully that’s averted here, but Nieshka mentions she has three brothers...who she doesn’t really think or care about. There’s a nice scene when she first arrives at the tower and starts crying about how she’s lost her parents, but her brothers? Nada. They don’t even get names or show up, with no explanation; at the very least a line about how they’re so much older than her that they’re not close would have satisfied me, but there’s nothing like that. It’s not huge, but it’s jarring.

- while I love the Dragon and Nieshka’s emotional relationship, I do admit the physical aspects felt sudden. Novik basically has it so that magically working together creates a charged intimacy between them, and the first time it happened I loved it because it seemed like it was gonna be ‘the gateway’ to more. Instead, it kind of ends up a crutch for their physical relationship. It’s like “slow burn, slow burn, magic, KISSAGE, slow burn, slow burn, magic, SEX”.

[scorpio-karma]

How would you have written Bonkai if you had the chance ?

So I’ve always been a fan of Dark Bonkai, so if I were to write them I would forgo the redemption arc completely. I wasn’t a fan of it when it aired and even though now I’ve warmed up to it more now it’s still not how I would have wanted Bonkai to go because as I said in a different post the only way I see that romance working out is as generic fluff which is just not my jam.

This first thing I would have done is after she sends Damon back is have Bonnie and Kai stuck together longer, not only because there needed to be more pay off from that but also because sending Kai back as quickly as they do wasted a great opportunity with both characters because once he’s back in the real world his storylines don’t fall flat but they aren’t as great especially when he ends up missing for an unusual amount of episodes–he’s the main villain of the season, he really shouldn’t have been missing from any episodes. So I wouldn’t have him figure out where Jo stashed her magic, but I would still have him take her to Portland for Thanksgiving because A) great development and B) it sets up or the one other thing I would have kept which is Bonnie’s breakdown because it’s such a well done scene.

From there I would have them do more cat and mouse games which would start with her killing Kai (who would come back) and running as far as possible taking his pager with her just to piss him of because he told her not to touch it. Then I would have the Delena failed Bonnie rescue mission (with a few things tweaked since Kai would still be in the PW, I’d just have the spell run out of time because they were doddling which is essentially what happened in canon) which literally ends up breaking her spirit. As much as I hate Bonnie being in pain, I love that scene because it is so well done and not just because of Kat’s acting, which is on point, but because for the first time ever the narrative actually cares about the pain Bonnie’s in, focuses on the pain she’s in, and doesn’t force her to be “strong”. 

Just look at Damon’s reaction when he realizes what’s going to happen to Bonnie. There reason I always preferred Damon with Bonnie and that’s because his reactions seem a lot more genuine which is mostly Ian because his reactions to Kat are a lot more genuine and that scene you could feel that Damon felt sadness for Bonnie, and what makes that scene so much better is that instead of only focusing on his sadness for her it cuts to her, and her pain, and in that moment she’s not infallible, she’s not the strong witch who can endure anything and everything, she’s broken and it’s devastating and it’s something we really didn’t get to see with her even when she literally died and had to see her own dead body. 

It’s always an easy scene to point out but it’s because it’s so atrocious is when Abby gets turned, you don’t even see Bonnie except for a glimpse after (I’m pretty sure they didn’t even have her on set for that shooting day), instead you have Caroline speak for her and then the show focuses on Elena’s pain from the incident which isn’t even empathy for Bonnie but rather her own pain because Bonnie won’t talk to her, which as I keep saying in my Tyler meta’s, neither of those are comparable experiences and prioritizing her pain over Bonnie’s was the breaking point for most Bonnie fans. So after years of getting things like that I was actually quite proud of that scene.

But back to Bonkai, I wouldn’t just keep that there because I like the scene but also because it signifies a breaking point which would be great in the development of Bonkai especially in a moment she feels most alone because she wouldn’t be completely alone, she would have Kai. If Bamon and Benzo taught me anything it’s that if she’s isolated alone with you long enough you will get her undying loyalty no matter what you’ve done and that’s something that’s actually in character because she has abandonment issues, or at least she should with her mother leaving her, her dad barely home, and then the only consistent family member she had, Grams, died. It explains why she clings on to her friends so much, unfortunately the show has never had enough nuance to even try to use that as a reason for why she keeps sacrificing herself, they just make it he obligation. 

From there she’d be willing to do anything to get out but without magic they don’t know how to leave so they spend more time together. Bonnie would be depressed, for obvious reasons, and I would have Kai trying to cheer her up because he likes her plucky and it’s not much fun seeing her like that. Then I would basically have most if not all the events from Metamorphosis happen right down to her killing herself and realizing no one can die in the PW not even her. They would have kinda a mentorship which involves them killing each other over and over (again events in Metamorphosis) which would cheer her up in a dark twisted way which would lead to a lot of dark twisted sex (not in the fic),

Eventually Bonnie would remember Qetsiyah’s rock because the fact that the rescue mission was literally remind Bonnie of what she already knew was ridiculous and something she could have figured out on her own. And then they get out disregarding Jo’s knife because another ridiculous thing, not that she hid it there, but because it continued to be hidden there after 18 years like “find a better hiding spot.” 

Kai would continue his quest to be Gemini leader, and Bonnie, now that she’s out and knows him a lot better would be conflicted with letting him kill his entire coven or leaving it alone–her conflicted feelings would effect him because he’s got the girl and doesn’t want to lose her but instead of trying to be better like we’ve seen oh so many times (Damon, Klaus, to a degree Katherine with Elijah) he tries to get he on his side using truths about her “friends” which is honesty something  think should have happened in season 4 with Shane because of how quickly he gets her trust, but let’s not lament on that. Eventually her new found attitude of looking out for herself actually takes and she lets him because unless she or the world is in danger of imploding she’s staying out of it.

After that I would actually have him merge with Liv. I’m sorry for people who liked Liv, but she was kinda of annoying and the writers clearly were trying to replace Bonnie with her, however that’s not the reason I would have her die in the merge. The reason I would have her die is because she was kind always meant to. She knew she was less likely to survive the merge with Luke and she was the most afraid to die and in the series finale she does accept her fate, but I would have much rather it been here during the merge. It would have been brave and lot more powerful because Luke wasn’t as afraid he just went with the flow. Also it would stop TVD’s tendency to kill all of their gay characters, in terms of which twin had more potential to add to the show it was easily Luke, again sorry for people who liked Liv, she was kinda like Caroline in that she was on of many witches (which was a new(ish) concept since it fell on Bonnie to be the sole witch without any family, but as I said they were clearly priming her to replace Bonnie).

Then I don’t know how I would develop it but basically it would end with Bonkai being king and queen of the Gemini combining their power to be the most powerful couple ever, but after Bonnie does a lot of traveling because that was something she needed, she needed to get out and make her own path. And after Kai learned to deal with feelings a bit more, I guess I would have him redeemed(ish) (but leaving Damon and Elena out of it because again why would he give a single fuck about them?) because that’s honestly the only natural ending, but I would want that redemption to be an individual process (which it kind was in canon but it still had people telling him to do x and people will forgive him and him doing x but unlike Damon x doesn’t work), so that would all be happening while she’s off traveling which she does almost immediately after she gets back and doesn’t bother telling any of the MFG she’s back, they only find out through Kai. 

If given a chance this is how I would have written Bonkai, basically having their development in the season coincide together. Also this is mostly a rewrite of season 6 but to write Bonkai (Bonnie) that’s necessary. 

[curriebelle]

Episode Ignis Feels Like Fanfiction and That’s a Good Thing

Ok so I’m having a Thought.

You know when people say something reads “like fanfiction”, and it’s meant to be a criticism? The phrase is one of those intangibles, one of those agreed-upons, where no one can define it quite accurately but everyone thinks they know what it means. Usually it’s a combination of deviation from the original tone, bleaching out character flaws and complexities, a lack of understanding of nuance, and a reverent or worshipful attitude towards old characters, moments, settings, and iconography (and iconography is just the Stuff. Star Wars iconography is lightsabers, wookies and Jedi robes).

That’s a pretty reductive description of fanfiction of course, because a lot of fanfic - whether it’s well or poorly written - doesn’t necessarily follow those patterns. Weirdly enough, saying a sequel or reboot reads “like fanfiction” often implies that the writer doesn’t understand something about the source material - that they’re oversimplifying, or they’re fanning about while failing to understand what a “good” sequel would actually require. And that’s pretty ironic, because fans - obsessive detail-hoarding, secondary-character-worshipping pastiche-crafters that they are - often know the source material better than anyone, sometimes better than the creators themselves, and they are very aware of what they are erasing or changing when they move Marvel into a fluffy coffee shop AU. 

But I’m kind of digressing, because my point is that “this feels like fanfiction” shouldn’t be seen as a criticism, but rather as a gut feeling that we need to unpack. Sometimes it leads to legitimate criticism that, while worth addressing, actually has very little to do with fanfiction. And sometimes it leads to this weird 4:30 am conclusion: Episode Ignis is when “this feels like fanfiction” should be deployed as a compliment. Spoilers onward, for both Episode Ignis and FFXV.

I’m talking specifically about the alternate ending, here, which is tantamount to an FFXV fix-it fic. In this version Ignis averts the tragic ending of FFXV, and though he prepares to sacrifice his own life to do so, it ends up costing nothing. Ignis survives with even prettier hero-scarring than he gets in the regular plot. The episode fills in a sizable story gap after Leviathan knocks Noct out, and closes a few additional plotholes (I wondered what happened to that one obnoxiously overdesigned Imperial guy: turns out Ravus stabbed him). It spends some time with likable characters (Ardyn, yeeee) and underdeveloped characters (again, Ravus). Ignis gets roughed up and drenched, loses the glasses, and I’m 90% sure the animators made his eyes bigger in the cutscenes for extra pretty. He gains maximum plotline power, and Adam Croasdell voice acts the shit out of some sassy comebacks and anguished screaming (ok, this is unrelated, but when he’s doing the regular stormbind combo, it sounds like he screams FUCK in one of his battle grunts and it makes me laugh every time). He can liberate Altissia more or less by himself, and that’s before he drives a goddamn speedboat away from pursuant megarobots. So for anyone calling Mary Sue, yes, Ignis dives headfirst into that. He basically becomes Magic James Bond.

The whole episode is also pretty blatantly queer-coded. We get a very cuddly flashback to kid Noctis, and Ignis’s vow to stand at his side. Ignis is monomaniacal when it comes to finding Noctis. Noctis eiher drops the l-word, referring directly to Ignis and the freshly fridged Lunafreya (I’m still salty about that one, sorry), or says Ignis will always be in his heart depending on the ending. There’s a fantastic gifset going around of the official couples in previous Final Fantasies (Squall and Rinoa, Tidus and Yuna) declaring the exact same thing Ignis does in the alternate ending. “Rinoa, even if the world turns on you, I’ll be your knight”. “There’s no way I’ll let Yuna go”, even if I have to break all the rules of your stupid religion. Even if it costs my own life, I won’t let you take Noctis away. The queer subtext here is one of those things where it’s purposefully vague - just enough emotional evidence and physical contact that you can read romantic feelings there if you want, but just short of an actual romance to leave interpretations open. If you’re convinced Noctis and Luna were in love, Episode Ignis probably won’t debunk that.

So Ignis and his Episode are both powerful, emotional, pretty, potentially kinda gay, and ridiculously awesome.

And honestly, it is phenomenal.

Episode Ignis is a blast to play. His combat style is very fun and quick and fluid and flashy, and the grappling hook in the first portion makes you feel superheroic. Killing Ardyn, meanwhile, makes you feel godlike. It is an incredible surge of adrenaline to take on armies and deities by your lonesome. The gameplay and narrative reflect each other here, just like they do in the base game. FFXV seems happy at first, and the combat is pretty entertaining with all the goofy combo-attacks, but that game is a tragedy. It’s all the more tragic by how fun it is to begin with, and by the end it is painful to play. Characters get older, places fall apart, people die, and you have to escort Ignis around for a chapter while he grows used to being blind and Gladio constantly bitches at you for walking too fast. The photo mechanic is introduced to break your heart later, to show you how fleeting youth and pleasure can truly be under backbreaking destiny.

And in retaliation, Episode Ignis thrives on the power of Fuck You. Long commutes by car, mundane in the moment but peaceful upon reflection decades later? Fuck You, I have a grappling hook. Sections that force you to walk slowly through a dungeon and think about what you’ve done? Fuck You, I’ve got two daggers, lightning teleportation and button-mashing hands. Musings about the ravages of time, and aching nostalgia for youth? Fuck You, Ignis is prettier than ever. A tragic ending pre-ordained by prophecy? Fuck You, Ignis is going to re-write that fate by being clever, patient, and brave enough to sacrifice his life, but double Fuck You, he gets to live as well. Bullets flying, health bar low, multiple explosions and Atlas Ripped decking airships in the background? Fuck. You. It’s time to make some fucking soup.

With all that in mind, it makes sense that people might accuse Episode Ignis of being tone-deaf, of being fanfiction in all the “bad” ways - it neglects the nuance of the original, and papers over complex themes so everything can end up hunky-dory, but I still think that’s too easy.

Here’s the thing: Episode Ignis can only exist as fanfiction - or as alternate-ending DLC, I guess. FFXV is the story of Noctis and his story has an ending and it’s horribly, horribly sad, but it’s also what the story is built around. You might find it too depressing or too grim or you might find it just right, but it is well-structured. FFXV is careful with its themes and patterns and foreshadowing.

Because of that care, Ignis screwing Ardyn’s plans out of whack and saving Noctis from his fate couldn’t occur in the main game. FFXV is not about Ignis. It’s about Noctis. And the gameplay, built as it is around creating nostalgia - photographs, long car rides, camping, friendship - wouldn’t work if the ending wasn’t agonizing enough to make you long for the good old days. Maybe Noctis didn’t have to die or maybe he did, but the ending of FFXV was always going to hurt.

FFXV is an emotional project, and that project is to make the player painfully nostalgic. With that intriguing goal achieved, Episode Ignis exists as a response, and it can never really be more than that. It’s an ending I like better, but it is an alternate ending.

If you think about it, Episode Ignis didn’t need that alternate ending. It could have existed perfectly well as a companion to FFXV, filling in a much-needed blank (and without the alternate ending that’s exactly what it does). But in making a response to FFXV instead, they challenged a lot of assumptions FFXV needed to make in order to tell its story. FFXV assumes its prophecy is the only answer, as do its characters. FFXV yanks a great deal of agency away from Ignis, Prompto and Gladio when it asks them to sit still for a decade and wait for their friend to die without hunting for an alternative

Why can’t they try something else? Why can’t they defeat their nemesis on their own terms? I mean, who the heck does Bahamut think he is, anyway? Who says the ending can’t be happy, and the future can’t be bright?

Those are exactly the questions a fanfiction writer would ask. FFXV created those questions, and Episode Ignis addresses them, but in a way that acts as more of a breach than a closure. It’s one route to a happy ending - so maybe there are more. This is also the reason I brought up the queercoding in Episode Ignis. If there is any genre that needs a complete overhaul from grimdark tragedy into happy endings, it’s the scourge that is the modern queer romance story. There are so many of those bloody stories ending in anguish or separation or suicide or displeasure, and not nearly enough fairytales. Having a tragic ending overturned by the power of queer love is an insanely empowering experience, and that’s probably why you see so many posts about how Ignis’s gay love can pierce the veil of death and save the day. Episode Ignis didn’t need its queercoding any more than it needed its alternate ending, but the two make sense together: both of them are stories that people are absolutely aching for.

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything quite like this - a company actively revising their story, overturning its mood, questioning its plot, granting a completely different ending, and then asking fans to pay 6.99 for it. It’s different from alternate film endings, because those are DVD extras and one always wins the theatrical release. It’s different from re-imaginings or adaptations because Episode Ignis is...just not quite that. It can’t exist on its own, unlike most remakes. Video games are always fluid texts to a certain extent, but now developers are even relinquishing the solidity of lore and cutscenes. It’s so odd.

At the decision point of Episode Ignis, you can use R1 and L1 to flip the camera back and forth, moving between a shot of Ardyn and a shot of Ignis. It’s a tiny, insignificant moment, one that almost feels like a mistake - like maybe the developers couldn’t figure out how to stage a normal shot-reverse-shot. But that moment became an oddly powerful synecdoche for what Episode Ignis was to me. If you want to look at this story from a different angle, well, go for it. Here’s another place you can point the camera. Maybe the sun will rise over there too.

[zalrb]

i kinda get what that anon meant by it kinda being contradicting of you to ship bonnie and kai. kai may not be as bad as damon but he’s still an abusive piece of shit. why would you want bonnie w someone like that lol no sense

1. I read somewhere once that Tumblr has the psychological mindset of a 7 year old and I feel like I confront that daily simply because nuance doesn’t seem to be a concept that anons grasp. I don’t have to like one form of ship, I don’t have to stick to one kind of dynamic, the reasons I ship Bonkai are completely different from the reasons I ship Stelena and you know what, that’s OK.

2. Yes, Kai did shitty things because as a villain his role was to do shitty things, what I would ship of BK is a dark, non-redemptive dynamic. I have said this repeatedly. And I mean repeatedly. From a previous post:

…nor had I really seen a man approach Bonnie in this manner, there’s an instant intrigue on Kai’s part and it was a good contrast to Damon who spent his time constantly putting Bonnie down while with Kai “I just wanted to feel your hand on my chest” “Don’t listen to him Bonnie” like he was actively courting/seducing Bonnie and on the flipside of that, he saw her as a worthy opponent; he never underestimated her intelligence or her power, in fact he wanted to unleash it, he wanted her to realize just how much power she had whereas with opponents like Klaus, they’re constantly underestimating her and it was nice to see someone believe in Bonnie even if in a twisted sort of way. 

And then when Kai merged with Luke and was able to feel … I had my issues with it because I have an issue with TVD turning their antagonists into sappy, woe-is-me, I-had-a-hard-life characters, there always seems to be a need to stamp them with some sort of redemptive quality and I found Kai so refreshing because he had none of that but when he did feel, he was preoccupied with Bonnie. He was preoccupied with wanting to see her, wanting to get her to forgive him, wanting her to give him another chance, wanting her to see that he changed, he couldn’t stop thinking about her and that never happened before.

Bonnie has never really been anyone’s first choice — not even Jeremy, he chose Anna over Bonnie (”Why are you thinking about me when you’re calling her?” “I didn’t know that I was! I guess I never stop thinking about you”) and Anna had decided to let him go in 3x07 and that’s how he was able to move on because she forced him to — to the point that Kai risked dying so Jeremy could go back to the nineties to leave a clue for her, he played more of an instrumental part in her return than Elena did. (And to add to this even with BE, Enzo had to put her down and pine after Lily who had to die before he even looked at Bonnie). Bonkai is a relationship that is actually about Bonnie

The second reason why I ship Bonkai is because of the potential of what number 1 offers. I write Bonkai fanfiction and my fanfiction is grounded in the fact that Bonnie and Kai would not be a healthy relationship because I mean I don’t have any delusions about their dynamic: she killed him, he terrorized her, they manipulated each other and yet throughout these dangerous, bloody fights these two had, there was still this tension between them.

And I never thought TVD portrayed consuming relationships properly, never portrayed a I-hate-you-so-much-and-yet-I’m-obsessed-with-you-this-sucks-but-it-can’t-ever-stop relationship properly and I felt like that could be Bonkai. A scenario in which Bonnie is so resentful and angry and hurt that her friends did a terrible job in rescuing her, which makes her think about all of the things she’s done and given up for the people around her that sort of shifts her perspective of them so that when she gets back from the 90s, she’s not the same person she was before. She can’t connect to the people she had so many times previously sacrificed for, she’s numb and she’s completely disengaged and doesn’t feel anything but not a part of this world except for when she thinks about Kai or sees Kai because she’s overcome with rage at what he’s done to her, she’s overcome with hate, these violent emotions that are almost terrifying to experience but make her feel alive because she’s feeling something but when she’s confronted with him that same sexual tension is still there, which disgusts her but which is so intense that it can’t be ignored and which she is perversely grateful for because it’s something else she can feel. While on the other hand, Kai is battling having emotions surrounding Bonnie at all, conflicted and torn up with all of these feelings he never asked for or wanted but can’t get rid of and that are as overpowering as Bonnie’s savage sexual attraction to him and it all cumulates into a consuming, intense and yes, toxic relationship. Because Bonkai to me isn’t a great redemptive romance, Kai actually isn’t boyfriend material but instead of being JP about it and being a hypocrite about it (because how the hell is Damon boyfriend material either) I would play with that  — what happens when a man who isn’t boyfriend material is in this relationship with a woman he has such strong, dangerous feelings for while that woman has equally dangerous feelings about him and actually hates him but can’t stop herself from being in some sort of relationship with him? Because that’s the thing about consuming and toxic relationships, they can be unhealthy and they can be passionate and they can be excellent vehicles for character exploration (Spuffy is a very good example of this) and I think it would be so interesting to explore Bonnie through this lens. Because a) as I’ve said before, TVD never really explores a woman feeling something dangerous, feeling something dark and feeling something they can’t stand but actually can’t help feeling for a dangerous and morally repulsive man, instead what they have is a woman feeling romantic, gooey feelings for the wrong man and that’s what makes it “dark” the fact that the man is dangerous, the feelings themselves are not, which is why when Elena says “missing Bonnie makes me sad, missing Damon makes me dangerous” her feelings aren’t actually dangerous, what she feels isn’t actually dark, what she feels is just supposed to be regular emotions times ten that she does something supposedly crazy but with Bonnie I would make Kai bring out her more impulsive and darker emotions, which he already did in the prison world considering that Bonnie had never actually killed anyone before meeting Kai and I would have that connect to her magic, see how experiencing such intense and savage emotions that scare her for a man she hates affects her abilities as a witch, who she is as a witch, what she does as a witch; I mean the possibilities of that are endless. 

3. I realize people can’t wrap their heads around knowing a ship would be problematic but understanding the paths that it could take these two characters on and shipping it for those problematic qualities. There’s an inherent desire to excuse and defend.

[nspx]

a non-cohesive rambling post about tlj

buckle in boys because what the fuck

also. spoilers. so many spoilers

right so i’ve been reading some posts and mainly it’s all ‘rian johnson u asshole’ and ‘star wars is ruined forever’ BUT i dont think it is?? not completely anyway?

i thought the movie was. good? i mean. coming out of the theater i thought to myself i like this, it’s fine. and it is fine, but not. not it, you know? it had its ups and downs and honestly im surprised it’s getting so much hate, because i actually kind of. liked it? but there was some bullshit, yall 

l u k e s k y w a l k e r

my sweet son what did the bad man do to you?? i mean. i. i??? 

LUKE “THERE IS STILL GOOD IN YOU, I CAN SENSE IT” SKYWALKER TRIED TO KILL HIS OWN NEPHEW???? BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID OF HIS POWER??? THE LUKE THAT T H R E W AWAY HIS LIGHTSABER IN FRONT OF THE EMPEROR BECAUSE HE //BELIEVED// IN HIS FATHER??? TRIED TO KILL A TEENAGE BOY - HIS FLESH AND BLOOD!!!!! - IN HIS SLEEP??

right, so. i believe that luke is a nuanced character with flaws. and i believe that there have been times when he struggled with his own grasp of light and dark, this being one of these times. but?? trying to murder his nephew??? 

during the movie i thought that maybe luke looking into ben’s darkness made him fall into his own a little bit? because i just don’t see luke that way. luke always believed in the good in people. he saw the good in vader - v a d e r - who was so far gone he didn’t even believe it himself anymore. and you’re telling me he truly didn’t believe kylo could be saved? or even helped? that he deserved to die, even if he believed this just for a moment?

other than that. i found luke had his good moments in the film as well. using the force to trick kylo, so that the rebellion had time to escape. or the beautiful moment where luke was looking at the sunset, the end of his journey in parallel to the sunset in anh, the beginning of his journey. pure poetry. a+

sitting with yoda and watching the tree burn? turning into a force ghost? threatening to haunt kylo forever?

leia and luke sitting down together? luke kissing leia on the forehead? good shit

but. the scene with luke squeezing milk out of that creatures tits and drinking it savagely. i... that could’ve been avoided. i mean. it did make rey see that she didn’t necessarily find what she had been looking for, but? honestly this movie disrespected my son, luke skywalker, so bad but also. the scene where he wiped nonexistent dust off his shoulder? such a badass move

(”see you around, kid” my soul descended from this astral plane to another, i love u luke)

snoke 

what the fuck

what the fuck what kind of bullshit. hes so weak. hes such a bullshit character, honestly. general grievous would’ve eaten him for breakfast and grievous is a pussy bitch. he wouldn’t have survived a day in the clone wars. palpatine would’ve projected his ass into the cold reaches of the galaxy with a mere look. fuck this snoke guy how am i supposed to take him seriously

that dumb speech?? fuck that guy. seeing him die was cathartic but at the same time anticlimactic cuz like?? too easy. -12/10 villian

onto the next point

K Y L O R E N 

or should i say, ben solo? who even are you kylo? make up your damn mind

like. you want to be good but you also kinda wanna be the leader of a new fascist government. you kinda love rey but also?? ‘you’re nothing’ MMMMM i think the fuck not boy “but not to me” nice save loser

honestly..... i have such a love hate relationship with kylo. because the way this movie was set up and what r*an did to luke.... u kinda see that he made it so that everyone just knows that.... LUKE FAILED KYLO OK. he truly did. luke was afraid of ben and he could never truly offer him the support that he needed because /fear/ *cue to yoda cackling like a maniac (what the fuck was that all about, also)* drove him to madness, i guess?

but then again kylo also burned everything down right after he collapsed a whole building on his uncle and went on a 10 year long murderous rampage, so? how am i supposed to defend u kylo get it together already

BUT THENNNN, like. this snoke character manipulated him all along? that doesn’t excuse kylo’s actions but ya know. hm. idk. all snoke did was abuse kylo and then he was like “ah my shining beautiful strong apprentice i have always believed in you”. what the fuck. at least be a little intimidating. 

honestly kylo should’ve just clocked him in the face with his dumb fucking mask instead of ruining the elevator, what a missed opportunity and waste of resources

kylo ren/rey

honestly. i mean. im not here for or against this ship. because i see both sides of it (like, kylo is a murderous asshole that abused rey and murdered millions, but also - redemption arc? i love a redemption arc bitcc fuck me up)

personally i’m less interested in their ~love bond than i am in their force bond because it’s so fucking epic, my dudes. e p i c 

we always had anakin or luke as these two all-powerful people that carried the entire balance of the force by themselves but now we have two people, so completely different and y e t they r two halves of one whole and i love that so much

they’re both incredibly strong. i like that there is both light and dark in both of them. they complete each other. i don’t see their ~relationship happening tbh like we won’t get an anidala level of romance, i just think this force bound destiny thing is an interesting idea

their long distance skype call force connection? loves it, the force is magical

(”you’re not alone” “neither are you” i cannot believe. i cannot believe. “can you cover yourself up” *crickets* i’m dead)

rey’s parentage

mmmm. i keep seeing people complain she isn’t a skywalker. i was 100% sure she was but now i’m kinda glad she isn’t? the force sure loves her tragic desert children

she came from nothing but now she’s the very last jedi, the last hope for the galaxy, and i LOVE THAT. 

the rebellion

ok. ok. i am devastated

the rebellion truly did lose so much in this movie. sooo much. i’m crying. what for? was that necessary? 

and poe? my son. i love him. general hugs? i cried laughing. my son

but whaaat the fuck was the deal with admiral purple hair? ever heard of communicating like a normal person? like, telling poe what she was planning would’ve saved them sooo much bullshit? but telling poe would’ve cut the movie in half sooo

so many lives were lost because?? felt like really no reason at all, just miscommunication and people - the good guys - fighting each other?? it was sooo unsettling

like. so much of this movie i felt like the characters started out doing one thing and in the middle of the writing process the writers were like mmm no wait let’s go in a completely different direction which has 0 to do with anything at all yes brilliant

but then poe’s speech at the end? the last of the rebellion all together in the falcon? there is hope there is always h o p e 

honorary mention

general hugs 

i hate him but also kinda. respect him? he’s an asshole but he was ready to shoot kylo ren, he was ready to go

other things i found (REALLY!!) bothersome

the lack of finnrey

the lack of finnpoe

just the mains interacting?? 

things i really liked

rose!! and her sister!! their backstory was so touching! also, rose is force sensitive and so is finn. don’t fight me on this. did you see the bond between rose and animals? a ~force bond. d o n t fight me.

l e i a - i cried, ugh. this really was her movie

the humor!! this really was a funny movie

the cinematography - some of the shots really were breath taking

i saw a lot of little tidbits alluding to the other sw movies and also other sci fi movies, i liked that

THE KIDS IN THE CITY!!! 

THE LITTLE BOY AT THE END!!! HE’S FORCE SENSITIVE!! THE JEDI WILL COME BACK THEY WILL COME BACK THEY ALWAYS COME BACK!! loves it

the Force (leia surviving space? luke projecting himself all the way to a random ass planet? LUKE OPENING HIMSELF UP TO THE FORCE AGAIN? HOW REY IS SO POWERFUL SHE CRACKED OPEN THE ISLAND?? i love. the force loves all of her children and will go to ridiculous lengths to make sure they stay alive)

anway i’ll be screaming about this movie for a month despite all of its flaws have a good night