#I kinda hate thisssss

[lastinline4brains]

I dream of assault zzzz

i dream of maya mad at me UH OH

[inchidentally]

inch, i need your interpretation of lando saying what you see is what you get with oscar!!!

no fr it's so in line with his 'same Osc, just another year' and acting like he's been with Oscar for "years" bc inside Lando's head, the fixation he has with trying to figure Oscar out has gone through about a hundred permutations and it baffles him that one of Oscar's most consistent qualities is literally his constancy

and like, this has been the little conflict that's been happening inside Lando's head since they met tbh ??

it's oscillated from hmmmm Oscar is so tall and polite but ugh I dw to be the older teammate I want to be baby -> Oscar knows a lot about me and watches me a lot he's very tall with pretty hair and actually kinda funny -> Oscar is so quiet why does he like me so much but he won't take the lead like Carlos and Daniel did -> Oscar is so talented and fast and he won a sprint race ugh but he doesn't brag and he's so nice and respectful -> Oscar finds everything I say interesting and all my jokes are funny to him and his hair looks so cool but he doesn't post me enough on his sm ugh -> Oscar is such a great solid guy honestly and he's even taller and bigger now -> why does Oscar look at me so much but he won't pretend to be gay for fun (I like it) like Carlos and Daniel do -> why isn't Oscar even pretending to be mad that I hung out with Daniel and not him >:( why isn't Oscar ever jealous when I talk about Carlos or Daniel uggh -> remembered today how I invited Oscar to golf once and he turned it down yes I'm still mad -> dear reader it's 2024 and Oscar is still kind and respectful and still looks at me a lot and tries to be in my space even if it means waiting next to Carlos but he still won't make a move to hang out more -> oh I see Oscar will play padel with Alex and Logan but not me unless it's a stupid group thing yea miss me w that -> dear reader is Oscar just a rly sweet good guy and therefore respects my space and leaves me to initiate things so that I feel comfortable I hate thisssss

[musicalmelts]

I kinda hate thisssss 😭

[baileythebean]

to mod, Hey tthere silly dudeszz... i need the info so How do Bailey fight? LIKE I NEED YOU TO INFODUMP ME ON HOW THEY FIGHT [Copypasting this to the others inbox lmao]

OMG THANK YOU FOR ASKING THISSSSS So Bailey has multiple different fighting styles just because of all the different places he’s lived. He was rarely at the AA headquarters, usually out on some mission, and then there’s the stuff he learned before he was auctioned. He usually prefers to have some sort of weapon, so hand-to-hand combat is usually not his go-to. He does pack quite a blow though, because his muscles would’ve been strengthened by the weight of holding his heavier weapons (rifles, katanas, ETC) over long periods of time. (Plus training) His preferred weapon is a pistol, really any kind, but the one he carries on his waist has a grip made to fit his hands specifically and he likes that. The other two in his backpack are just in case. He’s good at aiming, even at moving targets, plus it’s small, fast to load, and easy to carry. (Light) He’s good at sniping (with or without rifles) and even mid-range, but the close range gun/hand-to-hand you see in movies? The one where they’re like, rolling on the floor tryna shoot each other and tackle each other? Yeah he sucks at that. It’d probably never happen anyway, but if it did, he’d probably opt to something like biting his opponent. Growing up in a heavily cultural environment, Bailey was taught the basics of both Aikido and Kenjutsu before he left. This is why he likes looking at cool katanas and making up his own moves because he was never taught anything beyond basic, so he’s not really that skilled in these areas. Doesn’t really use this method, but his old friend Cameron taught him how to make explosives from household materials and scraps of metal/trash. He uses pocket knives/switchblades usually to sharpen sticks/prepare food/cut random stuff when needed. Not usually a weapon, but if he has to… And a kitchen knife is a pretty good standard weapon too, if he needs it. Because of his aiming, he could probably do well with a bow, but where would he keep it? He thinks it’s kinda impractical when he can have the small, easy and transportable gun instead. His actual fighting STYLE is very much ‘see the situation then make a decision whether to fight or not’ unless that person is hurting his friends. In that case, they better come up with their last words soon. He’s pretty fluid in his movements, given his flexibility and strength and he keeps that up with a little practice every morning (which Pebble complains abt bc he has to leave bed ((whatever bed means, it could be a random alley or Jasper’s shelter. It depends.))) Sharp movements are not his go-to bc pulling muscles, ouch :( and he HATES stretching. (He’ll still do it tho) He usually does a lot of flippy evasion stuff in hand-to-hand (ducking, rolling under, dodging, flipping, ETC) so usually he hopes a few hard hits from him are enough to knock the other out. He spends the rest of the time evading blows. Well that’s everything I can think of… lmk if you wanna know anything more specific or anything else! Asks are still wiiide open :D -mod

[1eos]

Yeah!! Yosuke sucks in an interesting way so it feels almost like he was meant to have an arc where he learns how to not suck so bad even though that's not true (because atlus very obviously agrees with him and his bigotry lol). It's easy to read into him, he's a pretty multifaceted character. Meanwhile akechi is barely around for most of p5 and his confidant is automatic so you don't get to know him organically and has no relationships to be interesting in outside of akira who he is fake to 100% until the last 15 minutes he's on screen but the game is constantly trying to tell you how you're both sooo alike and you're two sides of the same coin rivals when like. I don't know that kid. He just trauma dumped on me about his dead mom while I was at work one time. The fact you don't know adachi like that is the point because his age is a distancing factor to clue the player into the fact souji could have GROWN UP to be like him as a potential end game so the lack of consistent interaction works. It doesn't work if they're the same age unless there's some other external factor keeping them from connecting and there kinda isn't? And he was the character so popular we centered the rerelease around fixing him and ignoring the rest of the phantom thieves??? Make it make sense

ALL OF THISSSSS SPEAK YOUR TRUTH! and the insistence that 'you're both the same' is what really annoyed me flkkfafkff. cuz beyond your fools' power you're not? yeah akechi and the protag have had tough upbringings bc of adults but idk it doesnt really read the same. ironically akechi and ryuji have the more similar backstories what with a fucked up father making their lives miserable. and i loveeeee the two side of the same coin trope and usually persona does it really well. like hellooooooo all of the shadow self/reflection selves in persona 2 was saur fucking good. and they even had villians mirror the protags but they dropped hints! the motifs were similar! it just didnt work w akechi like it worked in persona 4 bc their entrance into the persona power wasn't similar at all. personally i think they shouldve ditched the 'youre the same' to focus on akechi just having an intense irrational jealousy of the protag that you actually get to see building. im talking cut scenes of akechi fucking going rabid alone bc he HATES that you have the same power but everyone is being drawn to the protag despite being a 'criminal' and only just now getting powers etc etc. like you can't not show us a character but also expect us to give a fuck which is a big problem of persona 5. npcs will get barely any time but we're supposed to like. be throwing up and screaming over them girl i don't know that mf!

[koool-thing]

Rate all the csh albums right now !! On a scale of 1 to 10

I feel like I only have the right to rate the albums I actually listened to, so here we go 🫡

3- has me foaming at the mouth. It’s a rlly good album and I wish it was under a label so I could listen to it on streaming services and whatever else. I def wouldn’t want it to be remade tho cuz it would remove the lo-if feel to it fr. Some songs don’t go as hard as others, so 9.5/10

MBIKMB- I LOVE stoop kid (their live version version has me convulsing its so good), something soon, POW, and Happiness for Sadness? All. Bangers. 9/10

Monomania- depicts romance and break ups perfectly imo (I’m acting like I’ve dated multiple people..) . Sleeping With Strangers makes my heart melt every time, the instrumentals-seusbsjskjsjbsb. This is the album that makes me sing in the shower ong. I love every single song, all cohesive, perfect. 10/10.

HTLT-I often overlook this album because I forget, it’s hot people stuff and I’m not hot🔥🔥🔥 but I can’t explain why I like it, it’s different, but good at the same time. I like kimchi Warui sm, but, uh, I found that song by watching a Will Toledo fancam (I won’t elaborate <3) 10/10

Teens of Style-I don’t rlly care. No offense, but I don’t think there are any new songs, so unappealing. Whatever’s on there, though, is ok. 7/10.

Teens of Denial-I’m gonna say it now, I’m basic. I love this album a lot and I love Drunk Drivers/ Killer Whales (it doesn’t have to BE LIKE THISSSSS, killer WhAaales, killer whAAAAAles). 1937 Skate Park and Destroyed by Hippie Powers are great (what happened to that chubby little kIIId?!) so is Vincent, can u tell I’m into his voice cracks? I also like Unforgiving Girl, too. 10/10

Twin Fantasy (both pretty much,) - Everyone talks about this album, the favorite, the famous. I was reluctant to listen to the longer songs, but it was worth it. I love Beach Life-in-Death and especially Famous Prophets, the guitar riffs send me somewhere else, man. Nobody talks about Cute Thing, by the way?? Makes me kinda annoyed..underrated. Both versions have their ups and downs but yeah, I like the newer one. 10/10

Nervous Young Man-I have NOT listened to all 20 songs. Sorry. I love Knife in the Coffee (one of his first songs I heard fr), I Can Play the Piano, Jerks, Homes, We Can’t Afford and….yeah. To me, it feels like the perfect album to think about your life to. Not to be weird, but I’m a sad guy, and this album just hits different, and it’s not rlly about romance this time so you can relate it to other aspects of your life :) 10/10

MADLO-is this what you wanted to see? My rating here? Well, I’m based when I say I LIKE Hollywood. Yeah, fight me (please don’t, I’m weak), but I wish it wasn’t in the album. Martin’s good, Can’t Cool Me Down…haven’t listened to this album a lot. It’s alr, but not as good as the other ones, so 8/10

Living While Starving-Yesssss. I love ‘It’s Only Sex’, especially the intro. Oh! Starving originated from 3, but still good. I Hate Living isn’t one I listen to but it gets stuck in my head every time. 10/10

Disjetca Membra-nobody knows this album. Except me, I’m different. Drunk on a Work Night and Sinner do it for me, man. Drunk on a Work Night lets me think it’s ok to be PISSED, you can hear the distress in his voice as he sings it too fr. Sinner-omg-when I first heard the lyrics my jaw dropped, 10/10

TLDR, I’m too gay to rank anything below 8

[yagamisdiary]

okay so let’s say there’s this guy who is grieving because he lost his parents and you’re his friend so of course youre there for him you spend a bunch of time with him and he says he has feeling for you and you fell in love with him so when he offers to have sex y’all do and time goes on and your best friends find about it and they all like him because he’s just that guy so they kick you out the friend group and humiliated you all over a boy so now you have no friends and then you find out the guy never liked you and was just using you for sex so time goes on and you get a roommate in college who you told you didn’t fuck with the guy that hurt you so time goes on blah blah blah and the girls from you old group who she hangs out with btw because she met the good ones which you’re okay with because you bad bitch anyways they come up to you and tell you that she’s fucking with the guy who broke your heart and at this point you consider her you sister so they show they kinda have proof so you wait outside a door and she the two coming out of it

Now anyone else saying they would wouldn’t feel betrayed by that is a lie the new parasite comments are anti hitchbecause of how she reacted when I’m pretty sure we would all react the same way some of us evern worse I love y /n but I think we got too lost in her pov to realize that she actually did her hurt hitch she lied to her for months and than on top of that hitch had to find out from someone else that someone else being the bitches who chose a man over her

THISSSSS

i hate seeing hitch slander because she really did betrayed by yn and ppl tend to dismiss it easily saying she shouldn’t have reacted the way she did cause her and eren never dated but she still did love him even if it wasn’t mutual and yn still lied and hid it from her for months whereas she could’ve said it from the start and things would’ve most likely been different

[2n2n]

everytime you make a post dunking on kou… I feel like I get 20 years of life back… I don’t hate kou!! I like him!! I like every single weird funky character in this weird funky manga… but it’s so refreshing, so cathartic!!! to get a kou post that ISN’T “precious sunshine best boy who’s better than X male character uwu” (UUUUGH). in other words: THANK YOU!! being a kinda shitty love interest to Mitsuba with his milquetoast bullying… kou’s annoying battle shounen protagonist traits… should be called out more… bc the fandom’s obnoxious about him and I’m too petty these days to care lol

HAHA ah how funny, I mean, yeah. I'm also always just thirsty for an original take, even if it isn't one I agree with or feel super hard. I'm glad someone's amused by it.

With Mitsuba I'm like, "omg Mitsuba doesn't need this CAVEMAN RIGHT NOW, help".... Mitsuba responds best to Yashiro, who is peaceful & passive.... and despite everything, Tsukasa does coddle/baby Mitsuba, which is what he legitimately asks people to do ("Take care of me, PYON!").... I have no idea what Kou's shitty screaming really does.... and then he says such horrible things in Picture Perfect, and then he's legit terrible at listening/paying attention....... Mitsuba will be emotional and. Kou is going to throw a fucking rock at his head, PLEASE, YOU NEANDERTHAL, ARE YOU NOT CAPABLE OF JUST HUGGING HIM ..... ??? He's really more of a 'pure goodboy' with Yashiro..... but that's boring and she's not into him, so eat it, Kou. She likes the bad boy tragic murderer. Why does he love to yell insults at Mitsuba. Why must we call the guy who had no friends and died alone girly and annoying. I know Mitsuba kinda sucks but I don't get it. I should hope if I died as a lonely ghost someone wouldn't come around me to be like, "you're a bitch and dress weird". Well I did die alone so I do know that. What the hell Kou................................................................. the Minamoto clan are beasts.......................................................... we must end them now, before they traumatize more souls for eternity

.......................nonetheless their (Mitsuba/Kou) fates/arcs are obviously tied, so there must be a plan. A novel endgame. It's one of the few things in this manga I have 0 predictions for. Like, I have more predictions about Teru, Tiara, and Aoi. I just have no clue where thisssss dynamic crests at. Kou has been AT A SNAILS PACE gradually wrestling with the bogus belief system he so proudly touted in Picture Perfect (God am I waiting for him to regret saying all that he did there-- HE SLOWLY HAS BEEN)....but like, we must be 'saving' whatever his eventual epiphany about personhood and identity will be, for later........... probably whatever conclusion he's CRAWLING to, about Mitsuba's authenticity, is going to tie into whatever epiphany he and Yashiro have to reach about Tsukasa's identity & authenticity. Them both contesting with the little Tsukasa's contradictory existence, surely will fold into how they have to process if Tsukasa 'is' Tsukasa, and how they should regard Mitsuba.... so odd that in PP, in the very moments Kou is rejecting Mitsuba as 'the real Mitsuba', doubling down on declaring his fakeness, Yashiro is naturally folding 'Amane' and 'Hanako' into one person. the chad Yashiro!!!

*shakes my head, snapping out of a haze* where was I? Oh right....

YOU KNOW, I don't even hate Kou. There are characters in other media I actively could say I hate, but, baseline everyone's interesting in JSHK, and I don't feel I disagree with the entire world's function and shape. We need someone like him to embellish the story-- that is-- someone so fucking dense and slow at grasping the world's shapes. But I am naturally exhausted by Kou and watching him crawl his way up to speed is sometimes tedious. I would like to take him to task and see him knocked down a peg-- in manga and out-- and I mean-- of all characters, he can take it, he doesn't have many problems, lol. He feels like the perfect guy to be frustrated with. Guy's got a beautiful family who loves him emphatically, spends every Tanabata or w/e in bliss with brudder and sisser, he can deal with me pushing him into a gutter.

I feel you on just being a bit tired of hearing the same things over and over... I feel like ah, groupthink in general is a real modern fandom problem, actually. If I'm being honest.... it often is something where all sides are doing something like...... hmm... "I am a nasty gross person, and I love this nasty gross character who is nasty and gross!" and then the other side is like, "I'm a good and honorable person, and I love good and honorable characters." Haha. But it's all sortof equally reductive, isn't it? You'll have one side stanning Tsukasa and believing he's an irredeemable rapist... and another side stanning Kou and believing he's composed of pure virtue...... or something like that. Isn't it boring....? Soooo boring... I don't like any of it....

Neither winds up feeling very genuine, or very interested in the actual written narratives, or the fiber of the characters in a meaningful way. It all comes across kinda phony, don't it? Or put-on? For-show? Whether its to show off how Bad you be, or how Good you be. It's odd when everyone all converges on one perspective. Loving Kou, Mitsuba, Aoi, hating Hakubo, Tsukasa, whatever.... weird, right? I never knew it to be like this, when I was younger.... I felt like me and all my friends would walk into a manga, and come out of it all liking wildly different things. Sometimes it feels like, maybe people are more 'fans' of the 'fandom', than 'fans' of the media itself, you know? Spending more time in servers of 200 people all chatting, reblogging each other's posts, and... less time rereading the thing itself.

It's not all of fandom, at least. Frankly spanish-speaking fandom seems completely unchanged from how it used to be and seems much chiller, more individual and sentimental ... well, so is JP, KR, CH fandom haha, who are making the MMD/AMV/etc I adore. Lots of original concepts and fanwork to parooze on pixiv and bilibili, thank god. But walking into eng spaces for 1 second, I see a lot of Kou suddenly. And I'm like.... this lame ass? Why??? Because he occasionally says pure things and is sad he's not strong like his cop brother??? Because he swings a sword?? Because he punches Mitsuba?? lol. I do have a little more taking him to task to do about a few things, but I keep having to try again at rewording a post to sound more neutral, 'cuz I get too annoyed with him hahahaha. Maybe I'll give up soon and just let it be what it is. I WANT TO BE NEUTRAL *SHAKES FIST* IMPARTIAL...

I had never 'observed' any of the fandom at all, I read it blind. I kinda live in a bubble with my husband..... I didn't catch sight of much of it actually until the Sumire/Hakubo arc. It felt like out of the woodwork came 200 Kou stans, I was like, whaaaaat??? it felt soooo out of left field, unpredictable, bizarre!?!? Like a wild coincidence. Like I lifted up a log and there was a new sort of bug in the THOUSANDS congregating. Weird! I didn't expect everyone to sound like clones of one another.... so weird.... eerie.... freaky....

Totally sounding like a codger though, so forget me.

I always want me disliking anything to just be funny.

He's most interesting for me in the Ghost Hotel AU, where for some reason he's completely insane and ripping off Mitsuba's limbs to add to soups. I also want whatever the hell this is to come back around:

but maybe I just want to make things more difficult for people who love him, haha. They should have to put up with something......

[neyxmessi]

If you had to choose between Messi going back and ending his career at Barca with a 5th ucl or Messi staying at psg with Ney, they get a good team and win psg's 1st ucl but Messi never going back to barca what would you choose?

why would u ask me thisssss anon 😭😭😭

i would say barca. i would love if neymessi won another ucl together but i don’t think psg is the right place. there ofc is a part of me that says both of them would be thrilled to win another ucl together again, but i think it’s clear that neymar’s loyalties lie more with psg than leo’s do. also i would hate for there to be dumb commentary ab him needing leo there to win the UCL (even tho that could be a dated statement bc it’s been 2 years w leo and they haven’t won so 💀). and this sounds so horrible because i love ney and know how much he wants to win a UCL for psg, but i don’t want to give the ultras that satisfaction EVER. like i fr would prefer if they never won a UCL bc those fans are snarky assholes.

if i could get leo’s final season at barca and that’s when ney joins i’d be THRILLED. peak ending (won’t happen this is just delusional)

so basically, i would take leo at barca and close out his last year with a ucl win. just to kind of end the story on the highest note.

howeverrrrr a lot of it does have to do with the culture. if the club was more well-rounded and neymar and leo didn’t look like they wanna shoot themselves there (and the fans stop being dipshits) then i’m also all for it.

i know i kinda didn’t really answer this question LMFAO but i hope this answer is sufficient

[speaking-at-the-theater]

arcane eps 5 and onward

hello! it’s been a while. today imma watch arcane, eps….5 and onwards i think? bc the ones before that i already saw, sorry. anyway yeah.

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dear god, i need the soundtrack for this series. the music while on the opening sequence, when kaytlin is shooting? marvelous.

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this shot? amazing

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‘are you sure this is safe’ ‘of course not’ lol

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goodness the political intrigue in thisssss

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this series has so many good quotes honestly. my ‘quotes’ doc is overflowing

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the entire ‘that night i let a weak man die’ scene was….so good. the relationship between jinx and silco gives me the chills.

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also jinx do be hanging out on the roof (kinda) like a monkey huh? cool.

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love how they have a game based the major ARCANA, like. ofc, you couldnt pass up on the pun, could you?.

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the fight scenes here are a delight

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the soundtrack in this series!!!! it’s amazing!!! i need every track. but especially the one while jinx is analyzing the spheres and silco receives the news vi is back.

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ep six, here we go!

the axolotl mutation is so cool. and the scientist that made it? hmmm. i like his accent. not much else to say there

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silco stop being creepy near little children please.

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seconds right before disaster but also love how jinx looks like a little kid admitting to their guardian that they broke the favorite vase, with that slight undertone of ‘please don’t hate me’

—-

7!!! ‘ere we go

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wasn’t this the same bug that crawled out of jinx’s mouth in the ‘enemy’ music video?

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ekko….. T.T

—

‘they’re dangerous’

‘i’m from the undercity’ 

the sheer ahshdajda in this exchange

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‘we came from a world where there was never enough to go around, this is why we fight’

!!!!

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the entire ending scene is wonderful, as always, i need the soundtrack

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srry this one was so short lads. tomorrow we finish the season so i can guilt-freely watch all those sweet sweet animatics. wish me luck!

[deadblrr]

*Hunger and throwing up content warnings for real owwie and gross*

So turns out my anxiety isn't a thing that just stops me from going outside.

My sister is having a rough time so her (pregnant!) self and her 3 kids are staying over. They're sleeping and generally staying in the front room. Which is fine n dandy, I love my sister a whole bunch and although I don't like children, they overwhelm me easily, I do my best to be nice to them and give hugs and play little games when I go into the front room. Because no matter how much I fucking hate it and the noise and the mess, they're just kids that's what they do and for some god only knows reason they like me and I will NOT punish or upset these kids in any way just because I'm fuckin weird.

Anyways. Our flat (which the landlord might be selling so I might be homeless at some point? Either homeless or the rent goes up. Either way.. Fuck.) is tiny and the kitchen is a little rectangle attached to the front room and it's also fucking messy!

Okay so. Being in a messy place (but apparently only a mess i didn't make??) is rlly stressful and then there's also the kids so I kinda go to the kitchen to feed cat and then book it outta there. I do usually grab a couple packets of crisps or something but that's like not really a lot and also not an actual meal.

But, usually, i get by.

Last night my dad bought me a pizza which is cool because I very much hadn't eaten dinner the day before and also I think I are like some biscuits that day and that was it? But when I went to cook it..

So, our oven is broken and we have one of those little airfryer oven things but the slow cooker was already out on our only bit of kitchen counter and I didn't know where to put it and instead of asking I just.... Went to bed. I really didn't want to be an annoyance for my sister who was trying to sleep or my mum who was just so tired and had the kids sat with her.. And i think my dad was in the toilet but also I'd probably die before asking him for help anyways.

So I'm laying there, like oh ow. Probably should have eaten, huh? And then i start feeling sick. I sleep for a couple hours with myself propped up on plushies to help keep the sick feeling down and that's fine until I wake up at like midnight really in pain and feeling so very very sick. But moving sorta makes it worse. So i slowly sit up and figure alright. Guess that was enough sleep. But the feeling persists and gets worse and by the time I'm like "Oh Shit. I'm actually going to throw up and there's no stopping it" it's too late for me to manage to stand up and get to the bathroom so,,, I just kinda throw up on the floor. (important side note, I'm some kind of neurodivergent [duh] and sleep on the floor w blankets and plushies. So basically i vommed in my bed. Managed to move aside my blanket tho. So glad about that)

So like. Idk? That's obviously not good and I should probably be more worried about my health and making sure that I eat something but A. Sister asleep on frontroom floor, so I can't get a snak, and B... I'm apparently more worried about the inconvenience it'll be to wash my clothes and also the towel i used to mop up the mess.. Like. There's already clothes on the hangers and probably already clothes in the washing machine so idk how?? Idk how I'm supposed to wash my stuff without telling anyone because I CANT tell them because they'll think I'm stupid or my sister will feel bad about it and idk. I think I'd rather just like... Sit in my vommed on trousers and not leave my room before I starve to death.

Bit of an exaggeration but only because I hate being sick and thus if I'm gonna go I'd rather it not be via something that'll make me sick.

Idk. Just. Not fun. And idk why I'm like thisssss ugh. It's 2am so hopefully I can not throw up again before like. 6-7?.... Idk when ppl wake up I usually wake up at like 20 past 8.

[fkingsteverogers]

Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince

I don’t know what the fuck this is, but here it is.

How to court a girl in the 21st century

What is a tinder? 

Do men and women still go steady?

What to do when you sleep with your best friend’s widow?

Google, or whatever the fuck it was called, had been exactly no help in figuring what the fuck to do about sleeping with you. Had that been considered sleeping together? As Bucky remembered it, when he allowed himself to think about it, sleeping together had involved a lot more than you rocking on his lap, looking like heaven come down to meet him. After, you’d looked up at him with those big eyes and he’d have given you just about anything. If you’d asked for the moon, he would’ve personally delivered it to you no questions asked. 

You hadn’t asked for the moon, you hadn’t asked for anything. You’d grinned shyly and disappeared into your bedroom. In the past, he would’ve followed, would’ve shown you exactly what making love with him was like. Instead he just watches you go, painfully hard. He corners you the next day, pinning you against the counter and kissing you like a man starved of oxygen taking his first full breath. 

“‘M gonna court you, make you mine.” 

It’s a promise, the way he says it. He’s promising you he’s going to court you, promising that you’re going to be his. You want to believe him. (He wants to believe himself.)

Sam is no help, he suggests Google then refuses to help Bucky figure out how to use Google. It’s the guard at the front door, a pretty young woman with blonde hair pulled back into a tight bun, that finally helps him out. He’s shocked to find an article from Cosmopolitan. His mom and aunties used to read it religiously. It’s comforting when he finds things that remind him of his past. So many things are gone, lost to time. The alley where he and Steve met in is now a road. The building where he enlisted, demolished. It’s a special kind of yearning, one he can’t share with anyone else now that Steve is gone. 

A little voice in his head tells him that maybe he could share it with you, you who understands what it’s like to be with someone who was yanked out of time. But being with Steve and being with him are completely different. Steve was good, Steve didn’t have blood on his hands. His thoughts spiral until he’s forced to go for a run, sprinting until all he can feel is the ache in his lungs and all thoughts have dissolved into the rhythm of running. 

It’s a nice evening, the flowers in front of the safe house (who tended to those?) are blooming, filling the air with a sweet, floral scent that reminds him of the spring before he shipped off.  It’s a brutally hot summer, a brutally hot evening, too hot for the fifty fans in the house to cool anyone off. In their infinite wisdom, the geniuses at the State Department had decided on a safe house without air conditioning. Someone with more than two brain cells had thought to provide an inflatable pool to at least pretend to cool off in.

It’s not unusual to see you relaxing in the pool in the evenings, drink in hand. It’d become part of your nightly routine to relax in an attempt to get cool enough to get some sleep so he’s not surprised when he first sees you outside. But when he really gets a look at you, his brain short circuits. There’s a white noise buzzing in his ears and if someone had asked him his name at that moment, he probably would have said Steve Rogers.  You’re relaxing in the pool topless, your breasts on display. If he’d known you were topless, Bucky would’ve turned and walked back to New York, probably further. His mother had done her best to teach him manners. Those manners did not include spying on pretty women who were bathing topless. Bucky wants to look away, knows he should look away, but he can’t. His eyes are glued to you. He’d seen tits before, had even held them and worshipped them. 

None were as beautiful as yours, bathed in the glow of the soft evening pinks. 

Your face is utterly relaxed, upturned towards the sky to catch the last rays of the dying light. You’re prettiest like this, looking so relaxed. You deserve to be this relaxed all the time, to never have to worry about assholes like John Walker. 

You open an eye, probably feeling his staring, and shatter the moment. You start, your tits bouncing a little in the water before sinking down in an attempt to cover yourself. There isn’t enough water to cover anything, mortifying you both. 

“I’ll...I should…” Bucky turns and motions towards the house, a blush creeping up his cheeks. He’ll go back inside and you’ll never talk about this. You’ll never mention that he saw you topless in the yard and the awkward tension will continue until one of you dies. Probably you, Bucky was too stubborn to die. Instead, you stand, revealing everything to him. 

“You don’t have to go, James.” 

His head whips around when you call him James. It sounds pretty on your lips, makes him feel like a different person, like he isn’t the piece of shit he is. It makes him think about the last time you’d called him James. “I really do. I don’t think…” You’re walking towards him, still wet from your time in the pool. (That weird static noise is back in his brain, is he having a stroke? Can super soldiers have a stroke? He is 104.) You’re standing in front of him now and he’s aching to reach out and touch your skin. It’s probably soft and smooth, beautiful just like you. Images of you in his bed, your back arched in pleasure flash through his mind. He remembers how pretty you looked when you were rocking on his thigh, taking your pleasure. 

Bucky wants more than anything to reach out and touch you, to pull you flush against his chest and kiss the living daylights out of you. That’s what he would’ve done before, before he went to war and everything changed. But he’s trying to be better, to actually court you instead of just take you into his bed. Instead, he hands you the towel on the lounge chair so you can cover yourself. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you, my bad.” 

Things are awkward for a few days after. Sam laughs like the asshole he is when he hears the story. “Man, you just gave her a towel and left? You’ve got no game!” Torres defends him, says it was the sweet thing to do. You avoid him. 

Before he can figure out how to make it up, you’re released back to your homes. Sam goes back to Louisiana, Torres is needed back on the base, and you disappear back to your life. Bucky goes home and tries to figure out how he’s supposed to woo you. He settles on flowers. Women like flowers. 

You’re elbow deep in paperwork when Bucky shows up with flowers. You welcome him into the apartment, invite him to eat dinner with you. It’s a quiet moment when you start talking about you and Steve.  

“He was late to our wedding, did you know that? He got sidetracked helping someone and it made him late. I thought he stood me up. Then he showed up and we got married and...I suppose you know that rest.” 

You look destroyed as you take another sip of your drink. Bucky wants to pull you into his chest and make sure you never cry again. He wants to take care of you. He wants to punch Steve for ever making you feel like this. 

“I’m not even mad he left anymore, I just wish he would’ve told me. I could’ve understood it if he had just told me about it. I came home to a note. A fucking note.” You sniffle angrily and stand abruptly. “No sense crying, ‘m gonna clean up.” Bucky stands as you do, almost overturning the table. Suddenly, he feels too large and too awkward to comfort you. He’s nothing like Steve, the husband you still missed. Steve would know exactly what to do right now. 

“I’m sor--” 

You turn on him before he can even get the words out, eyes blazing. You’re suddenly angry and it makes you look beautiful. “For fuck’s sake, Bucky! Don’t! I’m so fucking sick of talking about Steve and everyone apologizing! Everyone looks at me like I’m some broken woman because Steve left. I’m not broken, he didn’t break me! Then you showed up and and it finally felt like there would be someone there for me! But you left, just like he did! One moment we’re practically sleeping together and the next, you’re blowing me off. Pick one, Bucky!” 

You stare at each other, both surprised by your outburst. 

“I didn’t leave--” You open your mouth to protest and he holds up a hand, stopping you. “Let me finish. I didn’t leave because I wanted to or I didn’t like you. I got nervous. I haven’t done this in--it’s been awhile. And you’re so beautiful, I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t know what to do. You’re so good, and I’m not.” You surge forward at his lame finish, cupping his face in your hands. His stubble scratches against your palm as you gaze into his eyes. “Don’t say that, James. You’re one of the best people I know. You’re good. The things they made your body do are not things you did. I love you, James.” 

Your words hang in the air between you. You want to grab them out of the air and take them back. You want to unsay them. 

“You can’t love me. Loving me is dangerous.”

“I think I should be able to make that choice for myself.” 

He gives you a long, hard look. Finally, he relents, sighs, and pulls you into his chest. “God help us.”

[fabulouslygaybean]

it's hailing in mid july

[fangirlwithasweettooth]

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[kuiinncedes]

..

[koyacyi-vode]

i feel like death watch wasn't played NEARLY as villainous as they should have been