#I know they have some bts content without the jacket and I need it

[alexturntable]

release the pics in the mesh top

[eggcats]

"people are mad that that artists wanted to be paid" no, people are mad that they HAD places of revenue they could have invested in and instead decided to fuck everyone over and piss off their fans who have been there since the buzzfeed days

(+ the only reason they're now saying they're not pulling content is BECAUSE of the backlash, and this isn't even going into how any growth is now impossible if it's their own platform, they are NOT big enough or produce enough content for this)

like, apparently they have a patreon? have never heard of it. absolutely no advertisement on it, when PLENTY of people would subscribe if they plugged it at ALL (like, fans love bts content, early episodes, extra/uncut stuff, having their names be credited at the end, a discord, etc) but I've never heard of it, and according to people who have subscribed, they didn't find it worth their money (not an ideal baseline for their own service)

they have merch? make more and better quality/nicer designs (or just fun quotes! so much of my stuff from their buzzfeed days is just shane quotes, but the only stuff I've bought from them now is their jackets and the professor doll, nothing else. I've looked at their catalog, it's ugly. put a funny quote on a shirt and I'll buy it guys, it's not that hard)

a youtube membership for similar stuff to the patreon, yt livestreams, USE THE PLATFORM YOURE ON MAYBE???

explicitly asking fans to turn off adblock for them on their videos

but, like, I am absolutely not paying $60 just for like 1-2 shows that only get like 4 episodes a year. they do NOT have the content for this on their own (and why tf do they have 25+ employees???? bro what) - not to mention, the inaccessibility the new platform and ability for non US based fans to even subscribe

people watch bc of the dynamic between Shane and Ryan, some of my favorite episodes are ones where we get the random text on screen- nothing fancy

tbh I get what they want but it's been my opinion that too much of their stuff that I watch has become a) formuliac and b) overproduced without much to show (imo mystery files comes to mind, it's Fine but I only enjoyed the banter vs all the unnecessary visuals, the same with ghost files)

I've seen people mention how expensive just the ghost hunting stuff is, and like yeah, maybe stop buying that big fancy brandname equipment without and instead ask for sponsors to advertise your stuff, all that stuff is nonsense anyway so it's not like you're lying about like betterhelp or something

and idk, maybe having a show where you apparently eat gold and caviar isn't the best if you're struggling with money (esp bc who watches it? not me)

what they need is someone who actually knows anything as their ceo, having less than half the staff they do, and investing in the avenues they already have with SOME pay walled content (not all), and maybe learn how to actually produce their shows without bleeding themselves dry bc the fans watch for THEM not the "production value"

[andy-wm]

3D by JK (feat. JH) - my take.

Ok, unpopular opinion maybe, and I might get my ass beaten for this (not in a good way 🤣)

Feel free to disagree RESPECTFULLY.

Disclaimer: If anyone comes at me with that cancel bullshit I will block you, because we all get to have an opinion.

If my post enrages you, scroll past until you can be civil, then come back and talk. Or block me. I dont mind.

And don't tell me that because I don't love this song I have to hand in my ARMY card... I'm not going to.

🙂💜🙂

I'll start by saying I love JK so, so much. Adore him. Will always support him.

But for me, 3D is a misstep.

My feeling is Hybe should have reconsidered releasing it as it is.

JK's lyrics are fun and sexy. The innuendo is on point. The melody is great and the chorus has excellent sing-along value. Even though I'm not a huge pop music fan, I like the vibe.

The MV dancers are awesome, and I got a kick out of the fire hydrant metaphor.

And in that jacket with nothing under it, JK looks hot enough to melt asphalt.

However....

Including Jack Harlow's rap IMO is a mistake. It sucks, frankly. Not in a good way.

It not only misses the mark on the tone of the rest of the song but his lyrics are really just offensive. Misogynistic. And racial refrences are just... not cricket. It's 2023 not 1995, regardless of what his hairstyle tells you.

His lyrics sound like an incel bragging about their sex life when all they've ever done is watch porn. From his words, I doubt he knows how to please any person but himself.

His message is gross, but its still just... generic. Like he went to urban dictionary for spicy language and then googled how to treat women like shit. There's nothing original about what he's saying. He's not even being gross in an intersting way. It's gross AND boring.

(Jack, if you're reading this, sorry my guy you gotta do better.)

I've been army since 2018 and this is the first BTS song I have tried to find merit in and given up.

I honestly tried to be into it and i just... can't. It doesn't sit well with me.

This is a new experience for me because even when BTS release something i don't immediately love, i still stream and watch and let it sink in, or I work on figuring out what I am missing and why it's ACTUALLY good even if i can't grasp it.

This... it's just... not good, in my opinion.

I have to clarify here...

It isn't about explicit content, i am totally down for that. If anyone read my post on Seven, they will know my response to that song. In a nutshell, I believe all adults who want to, should happily and shamelessly be doing ALL the horizontal tango. Every type, every day, in every way. With anyone and everyone they fancy as long as all parties are informed and consenting adults who are equally enjoying the experience.

Yes. I am all about getting down.

That doesn't mean treating your partners like a body count or using and abusing them with no consideration. That's not cool.

**PSA: please be safe and use protection. Get tested regularly if you have multiple partners. Don't do anything you don't feel good about and dont stay with partners who harm or manipulate you 💜**

Now, back to the smut.

Some criticisms i saw of Seven were about how dirty it was. A few people were upset because JK said fuck, and because he sang about how and when he liked to fuck. But more criticism was levelled at Letto. Why?

It seemed like it was because she's a woman, singing about sex.

Letto totally owns her sexuality and she knows what she wants. I snorted with delight at how deliciously filthy her lyrics were. Some very clever wordplay made her verse so visceral, and pretty shocking to the pearl-clutchers, without her ever saying anything directly. I really enjoyed it.

She was telling us straight up how good she is in bed. Good for her. She totally rocks. And she wasn't disrespecting anyone. She didn't need to do that to make herself cool AF.

The difference between Letto's rap and jack harlow's is that jack sounds like he's just looking at the women he's singing about as a hole to stick his dick in. Women have fought for long enough for equality and respect. They don't need this bullshit. You can sing about getting down, and you can be absolutely filthy and nasty and wild, and you can do it without degrading your partners.

I did read a theory about this song being social commentary on toxic masculinity. You can find it here and you can read it below:

Its not bad as a theory. At least it wouldn't be if Namjoon or Yoongi or Hobi - or Jungkook himself - had written the song. If that were the situation we'd see some inkling of self awareness in the rap, and maybe a hint of character development. But there's none.

Sorry ARMY, this is not the class of lyricism we have come to expect.

If jack is trying to make a social statement^*, or play a character, he is not succeeding in showing any growth or humanity at all. He's really just that stereotype.

In the last few lines, after he offers to fly his victim from Korea to Kentucky, he says "and you ain’t gotta guarantee me nothing I just wanna see if I get lucky."

How considerate...

All I see is zero care factor about the actual person he's trying to get with. Which is quite different from JK's lyrics, which show awareness that he's interacting with a conscious, living human being, not a piece of furniture.

jack follows with "I just wanna meet you in the physical and see if you would touch me"

Ugh. Not with a ten foot pole, douchebag.

And how about, in his first verse "All my ABGs get cute for me"

Good god, really? Is he seriously saying this?

So its a no for me.

The ONLY saving grace is that there's an alternative version which is pretty fun. It's almost as if Hybe knew we would hate the version with jack harlow. Wow, such insight!

Now, i know that's not the only reason they made an alternative. They needed a clean version for US radio play (let's be real, what possible other purpose can this song serve? *°)

But they could have censored jack's... actually they couldn't. The rap verses can't be salvaged. They genuinely have no merit, the only hope for the song is totally removing them.

What does that tell you?

ARMY will no doubt still chart the main track but personally, I would feel morally compromised if i supported that version. So I'll stick to the alternative and hope for better things to come.

------------

^* Stylecaster doesnt think so either. I visited their website to check thr lyrics. They said, of D3, "Meanwhile, Jack Harlow brings the cool with his two verses as he raps about all the women he could pull"

Uh, really? I hope that's intended to be ironic.

*° The MV had only 4.5million views after 12 hours. And we know what brilliant strategists Hybe employs. I am travelling in Korea right now. There was no promo visible here. And it was no accident that it was released at lunchtime on Chuseok - the biggest famiily holiday of the year - when relatively few people in Korea would be available to engage with it. THEY KNEW IT WAS A STINKER.

[goldensugarywaffles]

Curiosity Killed the Cat (4)

Warnings: Mild Sexual Content (discussions of sex), Stalking, Mild Violence, possessive behavior, drinking, and discussions of arson .

Author’s Note: I am back! I am sorry this took forever but it is finally done! This is one of my favorite chapters because Y/n’s perspective of the boys starts to shift. She’s kinda like just lowkey done with them.

Inspired by  @jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue

Taglist: @hangsang-jh @tito-the-mermaid @juju-227592​ @bunzom​

It was a quiet night in the city of Seoul; the usual bustling nightlife was nothing but a faint murmur. Swiftly moving through the empty streets, you pulled the hood of your jacket over your head. The cold air nipped at your skin, leaving your fingers ice-cold and sore. Adrenaline fueled your body, forcing you to quicken your step. This game of cat and mouse you were playing with the BTS task force was testing your patience, and you were down to your last nerve. They were like a fly buzzing in your ear. Lately, it felt like everything you did would bring you right back to them. You needed to end whatever the hell was going on between the eight of you immediately. You had a traitor to find, and you couldn’t have them following you around and ruining your plans. While you would usually leave the dirty work to one of your subordinates, this was a personal matter. Slowing your pace, you stop at the entrance of a familiar alleyway. Walking deeper into the alley, you scoff. Your intel had told you this was where the task force had been secretly meeting, and the irony wasn’t lost on you.

Your first hideout. You had scouted this place and built it up when you had first started your gang. It was nothing more than a literal hole in the wall at that time, but it was home. Just how long had they been stalking you to know about this? Moving toward the secret door, you run your hand along the surface until you find an empty slot between the fake bricks. Reaching your hand in, you sharply tug at the door. The door swings open with little resistance. You rolled your eyes. The locks on the door had always been broken, and they didn’t even bother changing them. You think a group of highly trained officers would know better. You sneak through the doorway on high alert, scanning the area for threats. You note the changes throughout your old base while making your way down the stairs. While overall, it was a familiar place, it was clearly updated. They even decorated it. The walls were filled with pictures of them and even some of you. Stepping closer, your irritation quickly morphed to shock. Every picture of you was candid, as if they were following you everywhere.

Pictures of you in your warehouses, office and even your own secret hideouts were all over the walls. Some photos were crudely photoshopped to have the eight of you all together in one frame. Shudders wracked through your body as you forced yourself to continue searching throughout the room. These men were constantly tailing you, and the only way to get them to stop would be to cut off their resources or get them thrown in jail. Finding evidence to prove the task force was corrupt without incriminating yourself would be a virtually impossible task to do, but you were determined to try. Surprisingly, the room was quite tidy, and nothing seemed to catch your eye. Moving towards the bar, you search for any secret comparts or drawers but come up empty. God, I need a drink. Huffing, you grab a bottle of wine from the bar and pop it open. Giving it a sniff, you shrug and take a few sips from the bottle. Ooh, this is nice. Not overly sweet with an earthy taste. Taking a large gulp, you continue your search.

You enter an office that is not half as presentable as the common area you just left. Papers, folders, and books are strewn all over the place, and if you didn't know any better, you would have thought a tornado had run through the place. Placing your newly acquired wine on the desk, you debated where to start. Rummaging through the papers, you decided there was nothing of value nor interest to you. It was mostly information about you and your syndicate. While knowing they had this much information on you should have scared you, you were also well aware that it could be so much worse. Sitting down at the computer, you booted it up and waited. Maybe they’d have something incriminating on here. The login page loaded, and you were presented with the most sickeningly sweet photo of the eight men on the beach. They had the brightest smiles, and you could see their love for each other pouring from their eyes. Gross. Mulling over your next steps, you decide you should just guess the password. If I were a group of crazy people obsessed with a wanted criminal, what would my password be? You type in your birthday, and the computer immediately logs you in. You scoff. Just numbers? Seriously? You'd have to be crazy- oh wait, never mind.

You scoured through everything you could find on the computer and were starting to lose hope when you eventually came upon a folder of videos. Clicking on one, you pushed down the odd feeling rising in your stomach. The video loads showcasing an extremely familiar bedroom. Your bedroom. This was a video from just a couple of weeks ago. They were watching your every move and most private moments. Clicking through the videos, you became more and more agitated. All of them were of you. Where were they getting these from? How did they plant them without you noticing? Gagging, you get up from the computer, not being able to stomach anymore. You’re ready to bolt and give up when something catches your eye. It was a medium-sized safe with an average-looking lock. But the way it was tucked into the corner of the room as if to keep it hidden made you think it was important. Crouching down, you study the large lock keeping the safe sealed. Whipping out a bobby pin, you grinned. My specialty.

Fiddling with the lock, you let out a triumphant hum when the door popped open without a moment’s hesitation. What you saw, however, immediately ruined any joy you may have felt in the moment. It was full of your stuff. Pens, jewelry, small trinkets, and even underwear. What kind of sick, perverted freaks take someone's underwear? Wait, how the hell did they get in my room? Rummaging around, you found your lucky lighter from your awkward arsonist phase. You cringe thinking back to the time your hair was a fiery red and how adamant you were that you start a fire at every crime scene solely for the aesthetic. That was such a dark time.

Running a hand over your face, you let out a sigh. You didn’t know what to feel. Years ago, if you were told you had seven cops as stalkers, you would have been terrified. But in your profession, you’ve seen so many horrid things that you’ve almost become numb. Were you creeped out? Yes. Were you scared? Yeah, a little bit. But you were mostly annoyed and confused. Who would want to take time out of their day to stalk and obsess over someone? Why not get a hobby? I find sewing to be a lovely way to pass the time! Tucking your lighter into your pocket, you continued to shift through your stuff, your main task now forgotten as you grumbled about people taking your things.

"Princess, hasn't anyone told you it's not nice to steal?" Whipping your head around, you look up to see none other than Jung Hoseok. He was clearly off the clock if his casual dress indicated anything. The bomber jacket and acid wash jeans with a tight-fitting t-shirt were not helping your already confused mind. He raised an eyebrow at you as if daring you to argue back. Unfortunately for him, your need to be defiant at all times was much stronger than your need for self-preservation. "I could say the same to you, detective, since none of this stuff is yours.” Hoseok chuckles in response as you stand up and immediately brush past him. Grabbing the wine you had forgotten about, you sit on the desk and take a large swig. Hoseok took his time to admire you, taking in your more casual look of jeans, combat boots, and a leather jacket before acknowledging your blatant defiance. "Naughty girl, do you realize how much trouble you’re in? Sneaking in here, taking Jimin’s favorite wine, snooping through our stuff, and giving me attitude?" Hoseok moves into your space, caging you between him and the desk, “I should punish you just for being bratty, let alone everything else you’ve done.”  Taking another sip of the wine, you smirk before letting out a chuckle of your own, "Don't threaten me with a good time, detective.”

Hoseok’s eyes darken at your statement. He knew from the moment he saw you that you were a little vixen. After watching you for so long, he knew you could do it all and could handle anything he threw at you. You could be as submissive as a bunny or as dominant as a lioness. But he loved when you were bratty. Something about your defiance set him off in ways he couldn’t imagine. The fire in your eyes and your attitude sent shivers down his spine. He wanted nothing more than the chance to put you in your place. After all, he loved a challenge. He was about to retort when he felt a sharp pain in his head, and everything suddenly went black.

Watching Hoseok crumple to the floor, you pout at the now broken wine bottle. What a waste of good wine! I’m definitely buying some of this later. Hopping off the desk, you quickly send Haeun a text letting her know you need backup. Looking at Hoseok's unconscious body, you debate on what to do. For some strange reason, you didn't want to kill him. Poking at his face, you decide you'll just hold him hostage until you figure out what to do with him. It would be a waste of a pretty face if I just killed him. With a groan, you heaved up the detective's body and dragged him out of the building. Sitting on the ground, you place the man's head in your lap, hoping to prevent the concussion you’re sure he has from getting worse.

In all honestly, you weren’t exactly sure what to do. You hadn’t planned on anyone showing up as your intel had told you all seven men were busy. You didn’t want the six other men sniffing around you, and you needed Hoseok to stay out of sight. Apparently, killing him wasn't an option because you had conveniently decided to start having morals. Stupid conscious. Making me merciful and stuff. I’m supposed to be a cold-blooded killer! Shifting in your spot, you hear something clatter to the ground. Glancing down, you find your lighter, forgetting that you had placed it in your pocket. Picking it up, you run your thumb over the faded logo. If Hoseok goes missing, you know for an absolute fact the other six will hunt you down like a shark that smells blood. Then it hits you. Nobody will look for a person who they think is dead. While you may not be able to kill Hoseok, you could certainly fake his death. Grabbing your phone, you quickly dial Haeun, who answers almost immediately, "Back up is on the way right now, and I will be there soon.” Flicking the lighter open, you fiddle with the ignition until a flame sparks up, “Bring in an arson crew, Haeun. I want everything burned to the grown without a single piece of evidence left.” The line goes silent, and you can practically see the incredulous look on her face. “I thought you stopped playing with fire years ago?” Staring at the flame, you don't miss the double meaning behind her words. She has seen first-hand how reckless you can be. But at this point, you don't care. Flicking the lighter, closed you down at the man in your lap, “You know what they say, Haeun. You can't teach an old dog new tricks."

[jmdbjk]

Random just because

Being as it has only been about two and a half years since I took notice of anything Kpop and shortly after that is when I zeroed in on BTS, I did not have the advantage of watching since 2013 all these relationships within BTS unfold in real time. I had to come to my own conclusions and learn about their dynamics in a very zigzag manner within a short time frame without the help of fandom discourse to help process what I was seeing. 

I have basically given up on trying to watch everything in chronological order. I feel like I don’t have enough time to go all the way back and start from the beginning in 2013. So I focus on as far back as maybe 2018 to current. 

So, I’ve been watching as much content as possible when time allows. I bought Memories 2020 and am still not done watching it all. All the stuff they just made available to us recently, I plan to purchase and watch but it will take time. 

It seems like after every time I watch something I haven’t seen before, my ideas will shift a little about their personalities and their dynamics between them.

I have these moments when I want to say what’s on my mind and I type out a long dissertation but then I save it as a draft and start second guessing myself. I want to be able to reel off my thoughts on everything and post them here but I still feel very new and self-conscious and afraid that I will accidentally step on some concept that the entire fandom accepts as canon and is something that I might not agree with because I didn't hear what everyone else had to say about it at the time it happened and when everyone was talking about it. Anyway...

I think I have processed through some things, ideas and stuff. I am not sure I can express everything in an easy to understand manner but I will try. I have already posted a few things but I am realizing I need to get more regular about this for my own sanity (hahahaha!).

I am going to be posting some of my thoughts on some past content. Probably will not be saying anything revelatory to anyone but if anyone is interested, here is where my brain lives... FIGHTING!

===============

Let’s start with Late Late Show’s Carpool Karaoke

(I know James Corden has a little bit of negative history but I’m not here to talk about that. Show business is show business and that’s what our boys do for a living. They moved beyond that episode and so should we.)

Before I even knew what a “bias” was, Jimin had my attention. 

I can’t be sure exactly when the first time was but I remember Late Late Show Carpool Karaoke as being ONE of the first moments I noticed that hot blonde in the red jacket in the middle row. His face and that blonde hair, which is basically all I really noticed at that point, just grabbed me. The Jimin Effect was at work y’all...

Now that I go back and watch it again (it's been two whole years since it happened!!) I am amazed at seeing all of them and how much love I have for each individual now that I know them all better, it really is astounding how captivated I’ve become!! Their personalities are just so vivid now!

I am also amazed how I didn’t notice Kookie’s amazing vocals then, or how bright and happy Hobi was or how fucking funny the back row was during that segment with Jin, Yoongi and Tae. I can’t believe I missed how hot Tae was too.

But one thing that I am realizing JUST now, that cemented the deal with me, was Namjoon and his ability to transcend the language barrier for me. How casual and easy-going and fluent he was. It was hard to focus on anything else except that hot blonde guy in the red jacket...but inevitably I did and here we are and I love all of them and their chaos. 

So I am here to say my BTS journey is such an ongoing process. I am having a blast and that’s all that matters to me. Thanks for listening!

[ezamevolni]

Rambling rants: money and freedom

Yesterday Hybe CEO announced that all 4 remaining members - Suga, Jimin, V and Jk will release solos next year and that Jk the youngest hasn't confirmed his enlistment date yet.

The article also stated that Jhope, Jin and RM have already released their solos this year (RM's one is upcoming).

I based my previous assumptions on them staggering the solo albums so that Jin wouldn't be singled out as the only one without an album before enlistment...guess I was wrong.

And the fact that they counted Jin's last minute single as his 'album'. Speechless. Are they really putting that on par with other members' solo releases including multiple songs, ample planning time and album promotions?

I'm not complaining about Jin's single, it's wonderful he got to do a song and release a physical for it before enlisting, but if they are taking this as his solo release for chapter 2... 🤬

Jin's promotion had included a few variety show appearances... yet The Astronaut wasn't even mentioned on Youngji's show.

And he was writing lyrics for the song the night before filming the MV????? And no one in the company was available to help confirm his lyrics, so he let Chris Martin hear them (the lyrics are Korean mind you) and Chris said they sounded ok so they went with it?

Jin came up with the cartoon character concept, chose the jacket photos, the poster... and wasn't satisfied with the stickers available to those who received the Wootteo plushie so he was going to discuss this more with the staff after he went back from Argentina.

Jin's single release also overlapped with their teasers and presale for the group 'Special 8 Photo Folio' which took away some attention and sales from Jin's solo.

It's more infuriating when I think about the reason behind why they decided to release the group photo book suddenly when not all of the members' solo photo books are out yet. It's right after the Busan expo so fan sentiment and interest is high = higher sales, and with Jin enlisting they might have issues with making a profit off the photo book once he's in the army (rule that they can't make money while serving and all profits go to the government) so it's best to begin presale before he enlisted. What about Jin's photo book? Not as guaranteed to make a profit so not as urgent?

I'm really disliking this new direction of money before artists. BTS built Hybe. Hybe is now like 'thanks guys, we'll do our best to distance this company from you so that if you fail, we won't. Meanwhile, you still have to listen to everything we say.'

I'm not going to impose my original opinions on their enlistment timings here since the timetable has already been set by the CEO's words.

I'm just disappointed in how they seem to have given Jin up from the way they dragged the enlistment announcement from BE all the way to Busan Expo (2 whole years), letting him take the bulk of the backlash and doesn't seem to care that he's the only one who wouldn't get a proper album before enlistment. They filled the guys' schedules with group activities until the last minute before Jin has to go, giving him no time to settle and work on his songs. Just look at the amount of backlog content they filmed during the past two years, they've also repeatedly said they had no time for their own work when doing group activities.

....so tired. I know some OT7 fans and non Jin biased armys are probably tired from hearing Jin stans complaining about his treatment but seriously, they don't even hide it well at times how they are so callous with Jin? I used to be more patient as I'm aware Jin wasn't that musically focused at the beginning and was someone who need to put in a bit more effort than the rest to keep up. But over the years, he's proven his worth as a singer, shown interest and initiative in making songs for fans, improved drastically in performing, did his best to entertain us during their variety shows... and yet you still see him being 'forgotten' on OT7 banners, excluded from group photos and even by some major fan accounts when they make group content. I'm so tired.

I'm holding my breathe until Jin comes back to see if they would give him a full album because as of right now I'm just done with the company.

[ggukkiedae]

❝𝕔𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕦𝕡❞

𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜:

⇢ hannah meets up with one of her close friends to catch up; alternatively: the fox and the quokka meet again

⇢ set in mid april 2021

𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜:

⇢ conversations written in italics are spoken in english. feedback is highly appreciated!

Hannah shook her head fondly as she watched Yoonmi race down the hall towards the recording studio frequently seen on vlive. She and Yeonjun exchanged amused looks as the young girl excitedly entered the room, yelling the name of her older brother.

“Come on,” Yeonjun placed a hand on her back and sped their pace up, “or else Chan hyung’s gonna use us not being there as an excuse to stay longer.”

She scoffed at that, following Yeonjun regardless. “Please, he’d drop everything for Yoonmi anytime, and you know that.”

Yeonjun’s laugh was the only response she got as they entered the studio. The door opened immediately as they arrived in front of it, revealing Yoonmi dragging a chuckling Chan away to probably her manager’s car.

“Looks like they’ll be gone for a while,” Changbin laughed from the inside before nodding at her with a smile and turning to Yeonjun. “Let’s go before Wooyoung and Haknyeon decide to make us pay for being late.”

Yeonjun nodded and stepped out with Changbin, ruffling her hair on his way out. “See you in a bit, Hannah.

She glared at him a little before turning towards her friend who remained cleaning up the studio. They haven’t been able to see each other since their promotions overlapped. Or since the award shows, actually. “Hey, quokka.”

“Miss foxy,” Jisung playfully bowed at her before continuing to gather up his stuff, “long time no see. You hungry?”

“Always,” she playfully rolled her eyes at him, “or have you forgotten already?”

“Not when you and Yongbok have been constantly sending each other desserts. No cookies recently?”

“Yoonmi makes the best cookies, and she always sends some over to Chan hyung for you guys. Felix told me.”

The betrayed look he had on his face when he realized this made her laugh. It dawned on her that, though Chan may have told Felix to let the others get some cookies whenever they want, Felix must have kept it a secret. He loved Yoonmi’s cookies, so it was no surprise.

“He never told us!”

“Come on, let’s go eat.”

The two friends found themselves in the JYP cafeteria, food paid for with Jisung’s credits. He had a whole set of food in his tray, which was quite a drastic difference from her single bowl of salad. He frowned when he saw her tray.

“Just a salad?”

She shrugged. “We’re in the middle of promotions, so I’m dieting.”

“Nope,” he placed a plate of pasta on her tray and some extra side dishes, “your boyfriend and members are gonna kill me if I don’t feed you. Our food’s all organic, anyway. It’ll be fine. We’re sharing side dishes, by the way.”

She rolled her eyes but followed him to an empty table. They settled across from each other and began digging in. The conversation carried smoothly, as if they didn’t have a solid four or four months of not seeing each other. It switched from the food to normal catching up to preparations.

“Your comeback’s really good, by the way,” Jisung noted. “I listened to the whole album. Really good. You worked on lyrics, too!”

“Just a bit,” her tone was humble as she moved the salad around on her plate. “I thought it was fitting since it’s our first full album, so I did my best. Sorry for bothering you for help, by the way. I know you’re pretty busy with Kingdom.”

“Please,” he shook his head, “I needed the distraction. We were so caught up on preparing for the show, so I needed to forget it just a little.”

“How are you guys, by the way? I’ve seen your past few performances.” A teasing smirk made its way up to her face while she looked up from her food to meet his eyes. “I liked your cover of I’ll Be Your Man. Very impressive high notes there, mister main rapper. Very desperate.”

Jisung snorted and tossed a little sausage from their side dishes onto her plate. “Shut up, you know the performance is supposed to seem desperate.”

“What’s coming up? The collaboration stage, right?” She took a moment to recall the last episode’s ending. “It’s a shame that you guys aren’t working with The Boyz. You, Eric, and Sunwoo rapping together would have been cool.”

“You’re friends with Sunwoo?”

“We’ve met, but you already know I talk to English line the most.” She jolted up straight upon remembering something, startling Jisung into hitting his leg against the table. The boy curled in on himself a little, making her laugh. “Sorry about that. Did you hear? Changmin oppa invited me to co-host your sports day!”

That was the reason why she had been in a meeting the day before right after their schedules. She didn’t expect that she’d be brought straight to the company right after her schedules with NCT Dream, much less did she expect that she’d be meeting with a few higher ups and some Mnet staff alongside her senior for a cameo.

Jisung raised an eyebrow at her. “What? You’re coming to watch our sports day?”

“Co-host, but yeah.”

“This is gonna be so funny,” he laughed. “You know that, even if you have a boyfriend now, Juyeon hyung has an idol crush on you, right?”

“Stop!” Her hand went to her forehead in embarrassment. “Eric always mentions it whenever we talk, I swear.”

The smirk on her friend’s face sent a chill down her spine. “But there’s also Seonghwa hyung and Chani… Oh my god, man! What is it with you and these older guys, huh?”

“One more word out of your mouth, Han Jisung, and I’m telling Chan oppa that you had a crush on Yoonmi.”

Ah, yes. This short-lived crush her friend had on her other friend which amused her to no end every time he’d talk to her about how Yoonmi’s lyrics hit different, how her on stage persona is captivating, how she’s adorable in BTS content, or how her rap is unmatched by any other girl idols. Jisung, like many other fourth generation idols (and some from third generation) had fallen for the international sweetheart, and she made sure to tease him about it whenever given the chance.

Jisung groaned, “Of course I tease you about other’s having a crush on you, but you can’t tease me about people liking me.”

“Hey, if it means anything,” she began, “I used to like you the slightest bit back in late 2019 when we did those collab stages. Nothing much, it died as soon as it started, so don’t get too cocky.”

The slightly astonished look on her friends face made her remind him that it was a momentary thing rather than a prolonged crush. This, of course, didn’t stop Jisung from poking fun at her.

“Aye, I’m so telling your boyfriend,” Jisung laughed.

She gave him a pointed look. “Nothing is kept a secret in our group, and he’s in the same unit as one of the people most overprotective of me.”

The 00-liner wisely kept his mouth shut, making her laugh. A silence passed between the two before they silently agreed on not speaking about these infatuations ever again. She finished the last of her food before rummaging around her bag and pulling out a small bottle. It was something she didn’t use often, but prefered whenever she didn’t have to promote. Black nail polish.

“I brought this, by the way,” she mentioned as her phone started ringing. “I don’t know why you asked for it, but here you go.”

“Nice,” he took the bottle, “now answer your phone while I finish my food.”

The familiar face on her screen brought a subconscious smile to her face the moment she got her phone out of her pocket. It was her none other than her boyfriend, Liu Yangyang. She chuckled a little before answering the phone.

“Hey, Schnucki. I’m with Hannie right now. Jisung, say hi.”

She brought the phone closer to Jisung’s face, where he awkwardly greeted the boy on the other end of the phone. The awkwardness made her laugh and take it back. Maybe she should have waited until after he swallowed before making him say hi.

“Me again!”

“Have you eaten dinner yet?” Yangyang asked her with the slightest hint of concern in his voice. “Renjun told me you skipped out on the food your manager got you guys on the way home.”

“Hwang Injun, that snitch.” Her mumbling was easily caught by Jisung who snorted in amusement. She lightly smacked his arm from across the table then went back to her conversation. “I just ate dinner! JYP Entertainment’s special organic food is pretty filling, don’t worry.”

“Alright,” his voice sounded relieved. “How long are you gonna be there? Will you be back too late? You still have an early start tomorrow.”

She chuckled at her boyfriend’s questions. Ever since their jacket shoot, her schedule had been filled with preparations for NCT Dream’s comeback. Yangyang had been texting her good morning everyday without fail and constantly checking up on her to make sure she was still functioning properly somehow. For some reason, she found this endearing about him. He usually wouldn’t seem like that type of boyfriend, but he is.

“I’ll be here until Yoonmi finishes shopping for her future nephew and Yeonjun oppa comes back from dinner with the 99s. Hannie’s taking care of me, don’t worry.”

Jisung’s scoff from across the table made her send him a pointed look.

“Could you put me on speaker?”

“Hold on.”

One more warning look was sent towards Jisung as she placed the phone on the table. Jisung looked at her curiously before turning towards the phone.

“Yangyang?” he called out cautiously.

“Hi, Han,” Yangyang greeted. “I know we only spoke a few times, but I hope it’s not too much to ask to take care if Hannah?”

“No problem, bro,” the Stray Kids member nodded despite the fact that the WayV boy couldn’t see him. “We’ll just be here in the company, there’s a bunch of places to lounge in and a lot of food.”

There was a laugh from the other end of the phone. “Thanks for taking care of my pet fox.”

“Excuse me,” she interjected, making the two boys laugh, “I will sheer your hair off your head, you sheep.”

“Kidding! Anyway, Han, you’re Hannah’s friend, so I’m trusting her with you. As a friend, right?”

Jisung chuckled. “Of course. No need to worry.”

Hannah snatched up her phone and turned speaker off before the conversation could get any longer. “Is that it?”

“I’m at the dreamie dorm right now, so I’m expecting cuddles when you get back.”

A slight chuckle escaped her lips as she playfully rolled her eyes. “As long as you’re out of the dorms by 1:30am at the latest, okay?”

“Of course, babe.” The wink was evident in his voice, she didn’t even need to see him to know he did. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“See you later, Schnucki.”

With that, she hung up her phone and looked up to find Jisung looking at her with a teasing smile. “What?”

“You’re so whipped,” he drew out. “Honestly! The smile on your face says it all. It’s different from when you’re talking to your members or your other friends.”

“My smile?”

Looking back on it, Jeno did mention that there was something different in the way she looked at Yangyang. Donghyuck mentioned it as well while jokingly whining about her not giving him as sweet of a smile. Even Yoonmi told her that she sometimes catches Mark smiling at her the way Hannah smiles at Yangyang. Was it really that noticeable?

With a shake of her head, she picked up the black nail polish bottle once again. “What do you want to do with this?”

“Could you paint my nails?”

[smoochkooks]

— lost stars, part 1 (m.)

⟶ pairing: jeon jungkook/reader

⟶ genre: smut, angst, (troubled) idol au, childhood friends to lovers

⟶ word count: 20k

⟶ summary: in dead hours of the night he stumbles upon the bars, reaching, searching, trying to feel something, for once forget about consequences and taste the bittersweet freedom. between sips of addiction and faint touches of nameless lovers he finds you again: his own long-lost star on a blackboard sky.

⟶ warnings for part one: explicit sexual content, dom!jungkook, rough sex, oral (m receiving), fingering, dirty talk, degradation, light breath play, unprotected sex, infidelity, mentions of mental health issues, smoking, drinking etc., this is sad im sorry

⟶ music: lost stars, young god, the hills and more here. 

PART TWO (FINALE): HERE!

Jungkook can’t sleep.

Moonlight is gradually slipping through the unveiled curtains that he hasn’t even bothered shutting out for the night, letting the silvery luminescences gleam over the expanses of his room callously. It's the first full moon of the month, an argent king on the cloudless sky preventing many people that particular night from falling asleep.

Jungkook lays on his bed, long body slumped on unmade, messy sheets. Brightness illuminates over his features, making his skin glow in porcelain white. Every edge of him is chiseled. From his thin lips, through the slope of his nose and paleness of his forehead, Jungkook might be a beautiful imitation of a marble sculpture. Although he isn't, heaviness of his limbs and suffocating pressure weighting down on his chest like tons of rocks make him feel like one.

Digital clock on his bedside table reads midnight, four red zeros signaling change of the date. It's so painfully silent in the confines of his room, yet Jungkook doesn't sleep. And it's not because of some scientificly proven theory connecting insomnia to the full moon. He hasn't shifted on his bed since he laid there an hour or so ago. He stares blankly at the ceiling, inhaling the chilly air of March flowing inside through the open window. There is without a doubt too cold to lie uncovered like that, with bare legs and thin t-shirt thrown on, but he doesn't seem to care, not when shivers run down his arms, not when the sudden puff of wind blows the strands of raven hair off from his forehead. He stays like that, hands folded on his stomach, eyes glued to the silver lights on the ceiling, and time ticks.

Jungkook doesn't remember when was the last time he has gotten some good amount of sleep in the night. Perhaps it was a year or two ago, when after particularly hectics days it took him only a few seconds to fall into the peaceful slumber as soon as his cheek met the cool material of his pillow. A lot of has changed since that; it's bitterly oblivious he has changed too. His insomniac tendencies are only a small part of the whole spectrum.  

Jungkook doesn't wish the sleep to come and cure him. He has stopped a long time ago, when he realised it's just pointless. There are times when it gets better, when he doesn't need to nap uncontrollably during the day instead of doing that while it's dark out. Tonight seems like one of those dead end situations. Maybe after a few hours his eyes will tire out enough to flutter shut on their own accord and bring him the awaited couple of hours of mindless numbness, and the sun will raise again, as it always does.

However, that night, like many of them before, Jungkook doesn't wait helplessly.

A sigh and a minute later, he kicks off the sheets and stands up from his bed, walking to the nearby closet. He puts on the first pair of black jeans he manages to find and replaces his worn out t-shirt he wears to sleep with a new, fresh one. He flicks the lights on for a brief moment to examine himself briefly in the mirror. He needs haircut, loose strands are falling on his forehead and he swamps them off, running his fingers through the black locks. He looks even more tired in the artificial lighting of his room, definitely not like the marble sculpture, certainly not like the spot-on idol this country loves and admires. The skincare products his stylists have given him to put on his face everyday are doing a quite good job, but not good enough to fully hide the bangs underneath his eyes. This kind of magic only stage makeup can provide.  

Now, Jungkook looks painfully ordinary. He isn't Jeon Jungkook of BTS, he doesn't want to be during nights like this one. That's why he fishes out of the drawer his black mask and puts it in the pockets of his denim jacket. There is probably too cold outside to go out dressed like that, but Jungkook doesn't falter.

He doesn't falter opening the door to his room and stepping into the dark hallway of the dorm. He doesn't falter putting on his shoes as silently as he can. He doesn't falter reaching for the knob to the main door and twisting it. Even if he has promised he won't do that again, that the last time when he came home at ungodly hour, smelling of sleazy bars and cheap alcohol, with faint reminiscences of the touches of nameless lovers on his skin, was truly last.  

Even if the pang of guilt is still there, at the back of his head, when he exhales the air of the night, it fades away.

If someone ever asked Jeon Jungkook to describe freedom, he would say it smells like Bongcheon Underground Station.  

He’s never been there before or at least he doesn’t remember doing it. The sign indicates it’s the line number two, a green one to be more exact. He doesn’t know in which part of the city he is, maybe half an hour away from the luxurious housing estate he lives in with the rest of the boys, maybe further. At some point during the train ride he's lost the track of time.  

It’s probably irresponsible, careless, unwise and stupid to be a widely-known figure using public transportation in the middle of the night completely alone, but this run-down underground station in Jungkook's head is his own manifesto of mock freedom, consequences to be damned.

Jungkook knows he's risking a lot right now. The sick thirl is already there, boiling the blood in his veins. This is all he has; the mirage of liberty, his own revolt against the unfairness of the world. His testament of lost youth.

Before someone will see him standing on the platform and staring ahead of himself with blank eyes like a mad man, he decides to walk out of the station.  

A young couple around his age passes him on the stairs and he can’t help but spare a glance in their direction. They aren’t aware of his presence, holding onto each other and giggling drunkily. Something squeezes in Jungkook’s chest at the sight. It’s not any kind of jealousy, no. He’s grown up from being a rebel teenager. He’s grown up from the dreams of college parties, going on dates with pretty girls and having late-night snacks with his friends after gaming sessions.

Now Jungkook is just angry. Someone may say he doesn’t have the right to, he has everything an ordinary twenty-two year-old can desire. Yet, Jungkook is the one calling the world unfair while being on top of it.

There is a poster with his face hanging just above the entrance to the station. He stops in his tracks, scoffing cynically. Poster-Jungkook, spot-on idol from the biggest boyband in the country smiles at him, showing a row of blindingly white teeth. He has a face cream in his right hand, the softness of his photoshopped face and boyish glint in the eyes trick thousands of people into buying whatever he recommends.

What would Poster-Jungkook say seeing him now, Jungkook wonders. Barefaced, with mask covering half of his features, ruffled hair that he should have hidden underneath a cap. Poster-Jungkook probably wouldn’t like to make friends with someone like him. Poster-Jungkook is here to sing his heart out, to entertain fans and make his parents proud. Poster-Jungkook has never been at Bongcheon Underground Station.  

With one last glance, Jungkook exits the station, stepping into the streets of Seoul.

The clock on his lockscreen reads 1am, Saturday, March 21th. He reaches to his face, pulling the mask down a little to inhale the chilly air. The smell of nearby Chinese restaurant reminds him it’s definitely a terrible idea to drink on an empty stomach but he shrugs off this thought, walking ahead of himself, with no plan in mind.

It’s not everyday he uses underground to travel around the city like most citizens do. Ironically, this mundane thing is a luxury he normally can’t afford. But nighttime has it’s own rules.

Using his car isn’t a debatable option when he knows he's going to distract himself with numerous sips of alcohol later. He cannot use taxi as well. Not when he hates having small talks with middle-aged men while being half-wasted, half-asleep on the backseat, head buzzing, world spinning. In worst case scenarios, the said taxi driver might be a dad of one of his fans.  

(Yes, it happened before. It caused a lot for Jungkook's intoxicated brain to make up some silly story and convince the poor man he was coming home from his friend's birthday party, not running away from his one night stand's place.)

Asking one of their personal drivers to lift him up somewhere won’t do any good too because one: it definitely isn’t an emergency situation, although Jungkook would most likely argue it kind of is and two: going out in the night is too risky and most importantly, strictly forbidden for him since the last time Jimin found him unconscious on their doormat.  

He wants to laugh at himself, remembering the very first time he tried to sneak out of the dorm without permission.

He was merely eighteen back then and his friend from Busan came to Seoul to celebrate his acceptance into the university. Of course, teenage Jungkook had asked for approval like the well-raised young man he was. That’s impossible, Jungkook, was the answer and I really hadn’t seen that friend for a long time, please, wasn’t enough to change minds and melt hearts. And that was when eighteen-year-old Jungkook decided it was the final straw. He had enough of watching snapshots from his friends, living their teen years to the fullest. He wanted to live too.

He had planned everything in details. Namjoon and Yoongi were at the studio, Hoseok was visiting his family in Gwangju, Seokjin went to sleep early, Jimin and Taehyung were playing video games in their room. All occurrences seemed to be on his side. Until they weren’t.

He announced to everyone he wasn’t feeling well and locked himself inside his room. He waited for the right moment, then opened the door and peeked his head out. It was dead quiet, beside muffled bursts of laughter coming from the other end of the hallway where Taehyung and Jimin were still playing. Holding his breath, Jungkook tiptoed to the entrance.

It felt so electrifying back then, when he took the handle into his hand and pushed, doing something that he wasn’t supposed to. When he found himself taking the cab to his hyung’s place, fingers drumming the unknown rhythm of excitement on his jean-clad thighs.  

It doesn’t feel like that anymore. There’s a rush of adrenaline but not the good kind. What was once a silly rebellion of a boy with romantic soul, is now nothing but a routine.

That night didn’t turn out as he wished. It ended with him getting wasted to the point he had to call Seokjin to pick him up. He still remembers the furious scolding the older one gave him. He remembers how he promised it was a one-time thing, how he regretted his childish actions and irresponsibility.

But it happened again and again. And it got only worse over the years.  

Jungkook keeps marching ahead of himself, looking around the unfamiliar neighborhood. It's a more industrial part of the city; it doesn’t look like leafy, peaceful area he lives in. He can only imagine how the flats inside those buildings look like - cramped, cluttered. Maybe they look just like their old dorm when he was merely sixteen, with head full of dreams, sleeping every night on a bunk bed underneath Taehyung.

Upon seeing a fluorescent, red neon sign, he stops in his tracks. The club looks nice from the outside and even though it stopped being an indicator for Jungkook some time ago, he decides to step inside with the same goal in mind as usual: get drunk and then leave.

Loud, thumping music fills his ears as soon as he enters the building. He passes the mass of nameless silhouettes, heading straight to the bar and slumping down on one of the stools.  

“What can I get you?”  

Jungkook looks up, meeting the eyes of friendly-looking bartender who seems not to recognize him or just doesn’t give a fuck. Both options are more than anticipated when you’re a well-know celebrity who decided to get drunk on a Friday night.

“Doesn’t matter. Just give me something strong.”  

Bartender nods in understanding and Jungkook sees him reaching for the bottle of whiskey and pouring the substance into a glass already filled with ice cubs.  

I don’t even like whiskey, Jungkook realizes. But at the same time he knows he hasn’t come here to sample. He’s here to let loose, to taste the bittersweet freedom this umber alcohol provides and represents. Each sip burns his throat stronger, yet it’s always welcomed.

After the third glass, his head starts buzzing. The world spins a little when he closes his eyes; everything becomes a blurr of colors, shapes and sounds. It’s should be a sign to slow down but Jungkook automatically raises his hand to bartender, ordering another glass.  

He hasn’t even registered he’s not alone by the bar anymore.  

She’s pretty. Maybe not exactly his type, whether he has one or not, but he can’t help but spare a glance anyway. Even in his drunken state he notices she’s a foreigner; blonde locks are cascading down her back and shoulders, milky skin glowing in the fluorescent lights. He doesn’t see her face clearly yet, but he observes in the corner of his eye as she bites her plump, cherry-coloured lips, while staring down at her empty glass.  

Then, his eyes wander lower, to the smooth column of her throat, her provident collarbones and rich  décolltage. Her black dress doesn’t do quite good job covering her cleavage and Jungkook has to swallow at the sight.  

He’s fucked, buzzed and that irritating, tiny voice at the back of his head is telling him to get his shit together but every rational thought is wiped off his mind when the girl whirls around and faces him fully now. She smiles at him, or his blurry eyes are deceiving him already. Nevertheless, he smiles back at her dumbly, doing his best to maintain the enigmatic façade.

“Hi.” he says.

It’s not the first time he’s hitting on a foreign woman. It’s very much asshole of him, but he thinks it’s easier to get laid that way. In most cases he’s not the one to start a conversation, yet this time, here he is.  

“Hi, stranger.” she answers and licks her lips languidly. The raw eroticism dripping from it makes Jungkook shift on his seat. If she wants to play this game, he’s ready to make another move.  

“Can I buy you a drink?” he asks. It’s so goddamn blunt and brusque, but always works. Something about his flat English and the way he subtly smirks saying it makes women intrigued.  

She contemplates for a moment, batting her eyelashes at him until she eventually agrees. “Yes, sure.”  

He waves at the bartender, slurring his words a little. He hears the girl giggle and somehow, his next words leave his lips without a second thought.

“You like Korea?”  

She’s very talkative when she’s drinking, Jungkook notices. The question seemed to elicit something in her and she started babbling, spitting her words so fast he couldn’t catch up even if he wasn’t drunk (and knew English better). All this time he smiles at her, nodding his head and occasionally muttering “yeah” and “oh” whenever he feels like it’s the right moment.  

At some point his eyes wander to the other part of the club, where the sign shows the way to the bathroom. The girl takes a sip of her drink, showing a row of her perfectly white teeth when she catches him staring at her. And at this moment, Jungkook decides is time to interfere.

He leans closer to her, his hand ever so slightly brushing the place where the material of her dress meets her thigh. She bites her lip, waiting for his another move. Jungkook is now mere inches from her face, lust swimming in his orbs when he whispers, “You’re so beautiful.”  

She says something to him but he doesn’t register it. His hand is now fully placed on her thigh and when he opens his mouth to ask if she would like to dance with him, he feels a pair of strong hands placed firmly on his shoulders, pulling him away from her.  

“What the fuck, man? What are you doing with my girlfriend?” He hears a male voice saying behind him in English.  

Jungkook blinks, trying to comprehend what have just happened. His head spins from the sudden motion and he feels like throwing up any second. He lifts his head, meeting the terrified expression of the girl he talked to just seconds ago.  

“Are you deaf or something? I’m talking to you.”  

Someone pushes him forcefully again and that’s when he turns around with reluctance, standing face to face with very much pissed off white guy. He’s taller than him and the deep furrow of his brows tells Jungkook he’s in for a trouble.  

“James, it’s okay. We were just talking.”  

“Well, it didn’t look like that!”  

“Just let him be. He’s drunk.”

Jungkook feels like his soul has left his body and now he’s staring at the whole scene from the side. The muffled voices reach his ears but he cannot fathom anything. He pinches the bridge of his nose and squeezes his eyes.  

Another shove at his shoulder coerces him to regain his senses a little.  

“I’m not letting that fucker go that easily until he apologies. Hey, shithead!”  

Jungkook feels hands grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket. And then, when he thinks this is it – Jeon Jungkook of BTS is going to get hammered in some sleazy club by a foreigner because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself, because he’s useless peace of shit instead of the It Boy of his country, everything stops.

He knows this voice. Maybe his drunken brain is deceiving him, maybe he’s hallucinating or dreaming because he’s already lying bruised on the floor and unconscious. But he hears you and feels you, touching his arm and saying, “It’s alright, sir, he’s here with me. He doesn’t feel well. I apologize for his behavior.”  

Your grip is stronger than he remembers to be. It hurts like you’re mad at him. But is it really you, dragging him across the room, away from those people through the crowd of sweaty bodies? He squints his eyes, focusing them on your silhouette, but what he sees is merely a blurry sideprofile of a young woman.

“I can’t believe the first thing I do after not seeing you for three years straight is saving your ass.”  

There’s a wave of fresh air hitting his face. He inhales it greedily, hands extending to stabilize himself until he feels the rough texture underneath fingertips. He leans his head on the wall, eyes squeezed shut. Seconds pass, maybe even minutes, until something nudges him on the side.  

“Do you feel better now?”  

To be completely frank, Jungkook is scared to open his eyes. His sanity is slowly coming back to him and he hears you now loud and clearly. Maybe he’s really dreaming but if that’s true, why does he feel like he has a full control on his next move?  

It’s really you. Three years older than he last saw you, arms crossed over your chest and evident frown on your face. He doesn’t know why but he wants to smooth the crease between your brows. It doesn’t suit you. Your hair is shorter, your features sharper and more mature.  

You’re definitely not dream-__. His dream-___ would have scratches on her knees and some fantasy book in her hands. She sometimes visits him at dead hours of the night, asking why he hasn’t answered her calls and messages. Sometimes she stares at him from the photograph he carries in his wallet because he cannot bring himself to get rid of it.

He probably should hug you, run into your arms and thank for saving his reputation. He should hug you because it’s been three goddamn years and you were his best friend once. One of the most important people in his life, his partner in crime (and professional math tutor in primary school). God, you were his first, silly crush when you were merely ten, hair braided and pimples on your cheeks. His shoulder to lean on when he needed to cry. The girl who played football with him because there was no boys in your neighborhood with whom he could do it.

Instead, he asks, “Did you cut your hair?”

The first thing you do is raise your eyebrows, as if you’re genuinely confused he’s able to form full, coherent sentences. Next, you scoff. “Seriously? We meet for the first time in three years in a club where I work because I need to save your ass since you’re completely pissed and tried hooking up with taken woman, and that’s the only thing you have to say?”  

He doesn’t like how you sound already. Your tone matches your expression, stern and slightly irritated. But at the same time, he’s not surprised you’re acting like this.

“I’m sorry, I’m just…” he hesitates. He’s just what? Pathetic? Stupid? Reckless? Or maybe–

“Crazy?”  

He smiles sheepishly. “Yeah. That’s a good word.”

You take a step closer, standing right in front of him. “So are you going to tell me what are you doing in this part of the city, getting drunk while being a freaking idol?”  

“Isn’t it what all celebrities do?” he asks sardonically.

You roll your eyes at that, and he takes a moment to look at you more carefully now. Your cheeks are rosy from the cold and he notices a smudge of mascara underneath your left eye. And there’s another thing he remembers about you; the weird habit of staring at him intensely whenever he wasn’t aware because you were terrible at keeping eye contact.  

But it seems like a lot of has changed in that department and now you’re meeting his eyes without a hint of shyness.  

“Yeah, maybe they do. But not when they have a reputation to take care of.” you counter.  

Jungkook sighs, closing his eyes for a second. It’s still hard for him to produce logical thoughts but he knows he’s slowly sobering, the chilly air clearing his mind. You hug your coat tighter against your body and he wonders for a moment if it’s really that cold outside and he just doesn’t feel it because of the alcohol swimming in his veins.  

He’s not capable of having this kind of conversation with you under those circumstances. While you’re outside of some niche club in a part of the city he doesn’t know, reunited after three years of silence.  

You have that look on your face, the one you used to wear every time he got on your nerves and he was in for good scolding. His head pounds too much to bare with it now.  

He needs to smoke a cigarette.

He fishes a pack, placing one between his lips. He feels your eyes on him the entire time and after taking the first drag, he offers you to light up one as well.

“I quit.” you say curtly.  

“Okay.” The smoke swirls around his features and you take a step back, cringing. You never really could stand the smell.

“Is smoking even allowed for you?”  

He snickers, shaking his head. It’s funny, how you’re asking him this now, when you were the one he used to smoke occasionally with at the docks every time he visisted Busan. Eighteen, listening to Arctic Monkeys and Coldplay on his old iPhone and watching the sky burning when sun was hiding behind the horizon.

Jungkook smirks. “Out of sight, out of mind.”  

As a matter of fact, he doesn’t smoke often. It’s more like a sporadic trespass when he’s out for the night than a regular craving. Leaving aside his favor for cigarettes, he shouldn’t let himself become addicted, not when it might easily influence his lungs capacity. And Jeon Jungkook's velvet voice can’t have a hoarseness to it.

“So, you work here?” he opts to ask you, avoiding the set of questions probably already itching to leave your mouth all at once.

“I do. I actually ended my shift few minutes ago. I had some work to do at the storage room and when I walked out, I saw that guy ready to beat the shit out of you,” you say, grimacing. “To be honest, I didn’t recognize you at first. You looked… different.”  

“I guess that’s what they call the magic of stage make-up.” he jokes but his comment doesn’t make you laugh. If anything, you look even more puzzled.  

Then, his phone buzzes in the pocket of his jacket. He pulls it out just to be met with tens of notifications, mainly texts and unanswered calls from Jimin. He must have found out somehow he’s been gone.

“Fuck.” Jungkook mutters under his breath, locking his phone.  

“Something’s wrong?” You always could read him like an open book. He wasn’t very talkative kid back then and you, somehow, found a way to communicate with him on non-verbal level.  

Jungkook scratches the back of his head, smiling lopsidededly. “You’re going to laugh at me,” he sighs.

“No, I’m not.” you promise. There’s sincerity in your voice but he knows better. You’re definitely going to.  

“I’m scared to come home.” Jungkook says, entirely serious. His doe eyes widen for emphasis and you’re sure he’s shitting you yet you decide to play along.  

“And why is that?”  

He leans closer, smelling of cigarettes and his musky cologne and you almost wince. “Because I’m gonna have my ass whipped.”  

He waits a moment, and then breaks into a grin. It’s his drunkiness still speaking through him and maybe a tiny bit of curiosity how you were going to react.

You snort loudly. “That was terrible.”  

“You smiled. I saw the cornes of your mouth moving.”  

“You’re wasted, Jungkook. I’m surprised you’re standing on your own feet right now,” He pouts and you sigh, shaking your head. “So are you going to tell me what is it really about?” you ask.

He shrugs, blowing out the fume from his cigarette. “I just don’t wanna go home drunk. It will be worse than coming back in the morning, believe me. I’ve been there before.”  

Something flashes across your face hearing his last sentence but it quickly disappears, replaced by your usual, unreadable expression. You seem to think about what he has said, until you exhale loudly, making him look at you with raised eyebrows.

“Fine. You can crash at mine.”  

Jungkook knows he might have misheard you. But you’re still staring at him as if you’re waiting for him to respond. He feels dumbfounded.

“What?”  

“I saved your ass today once, I can do it again. That’s what friends are for, right?”  

He hates how bitter it sounds coming from you. He knows it’s very much what he deserves. You don’t own him anything after all he’s done to you yet here you are. Offering him help even though you don’t have to do anything.

You’ve always been too good for him.

You cock your head at him, a small smile dancing on your features he wishes was genuine. Maybe you still have a sentiment for him, after all. “You coming?” It’s what you ask, and he tosses the half-burnt cigarette, following you without a word.

And that’s how your story starts again, with reckless decision, cigarettes and underground stations.

Ironically, Jungkook ends up at the Bongcheon Underground Station for the second time that night.  

You led him wordlessly out of the building, taking a turn into direction he was familiar with. On the whole ride back to your home, you were silent. You didn’t utter a sentence to him, even when you reached your stop, you just stood up from the seat and he followed you like a lost puppy.  

Walking from the station to your flat, Jungkook decided he’s had enough of this awkward silence, breaking it first.

“So, how have you been?”  

It’s such a stupid question to ask someone you haven’t talked to for such a long period of time. Of course you can’t catch up all that have happened in last three years during ten minutes-long walk. Jungkook bites his lip, peeking at your side profile.

“It’s actually funny you’re asking this now. I’ve been good, and you? Or actually… wait! You don’t have to answer that because I know you’ve been good too, thanks to your mum who is updating mine about everything what’s going on in your life,” you say sarkily. “Oh, not to mention I also have Internet and it’s really hard to avoid news about nation’s favourite boy group, right?”  

Your harsh words make him grimace. He knows he fucked up royally and your bitter attitude towards him is the effect of his wrong doings. Yet, he can’t help but feel a little bit irritated.

“You know I’m sorry.” he mutters under his breath.  

“Oh, are you? Was it really that hard to call an old friend once in a month?”  

Jungkook looks up at the sky, as if he was wishing it could give him strenght and fill his mouth with words that will make your stony façade break just a little. “I was busy,” he answers, regretting it as soon as it slipped of his tongue.  

He hears you scowl. “Busy? Doing what? Drinking and hooking up with women?”  

Now it’s his turn to roll his eyes. “Are you really patronizing me right now? We just came across each other and I’m trying to be civil here. We’re not thirteen anymore, loose up.”  

You stop in your tracks abruptly. “I see. You don’t need my help anymore and you’re okay with sleeping under the bridge, fine.” you spit and turn your back on him, quickening your pace.

“What? Wait!” Jungkook calls after you because one: you might be not joking and two: he’s too startled to react in time and now he has to jog up to you. “You aren’t serious, right?” he asks after catching up with your hurried movements.  

You sigh, taking another turn. “God, I can’t believe you’re still that childish.”  

Jungkook frowns. “What does that suppose to mean?”  

“You know damn right what I mean.”  

You’re now walking through a typical, industrial looking neighborhood. He used to live with other boys in an area like this, back when their name meant nothing to the world and industry, when you used to talk practically every single day on the phone.  

Suddenly, you stop in front of one of the buildings, digging in your purse and pulling out the keys.  

Jungkook silently follows your figure when you enter the tenement house you’re living in. He squints his eyes, trying to remember the street name and building number. For some reason he feels like this information might be useful for him sometime in the future.

You quickly climb up the stairs until you reach the forth floor, Jungkook running out of breath with mouth hang open, and that’s when you turn around to face him.  

You don’t say anything to him. You just stare, expression stern yet unreadable at the same time. Your gaze is challenging but eventually you give up, sighing and opening the door to your flat, letting him in.  

The first thing he notices is that your flat is tiny.  

There’s barely enough space for one person in the hallway when you hang up your coat without a word, bumping into his unmoving figure when you’re trying to walk into what is probably the smallest kitchen he has ever seen.  

You pour yourself a glass of water, chugging it greedily while he still stands dumbly three meters away from you, fully dressed, unsure of what to do.

He jumps, hearing you put the glass on the counter loudly. “So, welcome in my humble abode, I guess,” you say. “Are you going to stand there the whole night?” You cock your head into his direction and Jungkook shakes his head, shrugging off his jacket and kicking off his shoes.  

“I know it’s small but the rent is cheap,” you add, referencing to the size of your apartment. You don’t need to explain, he wants to tell you but he doesn’t. Instead, his eyes wander to the other part of the flat where your bedroom is, as he assumes.

“Ah, yes, that’s my bedroom. And living room, and bureau,” you confirm, voice laced with apparent sarcasm. “Make yourself comfortable.”  

Jungkook hesitantly enters the room. There’s nothing much there beside your bed, wardrobe and a small desk with your laptop and other belongings on. One thing he realises is that you keep everything clean and tidy, despite the limited space you have here.  

“But the view is nice, isn’t it?” you ask suddenly, startling him a little. Jungkook, encouraged by you, glances out of the window and he has to admit that yes, indeed, the view is beautiful. You can see the city quite clearly from the forth floor. “I’m still surprised when I look out of the window and see rooftops instead of brick walls. I guess I’m kind of lucky.” you chuckle.  

That’s when he realises just how much more you deserve than you have. It hits him how privileged he is now, living in a luxurious area for rich snobs and celebrities who look out of their windows and see green hills. And one more time, his anger for the unfairness of this world only boils stronger in his veins.

“I gotta go the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”  

You leave him alone again, and now he has an opportunity to look at the corkboard you have above your desk. There is plenty of photos and polaroids pinned to it and he finds himself examining them without a second thought.

It seems like you have them organized chronologically. They start with you as a little kid standing in front of your house in Busan, front teeth missing and clutching your favourite doll. Next, you’re in school and surprisingly, he finds himself present on most of these photos along with you. Playing football at the backyard, eating ice cream at your favourite parlor (he has smudges of chocolate on his chin but he smiles to the camera like it means nothing). He recognizes a photo he took of you when you where in middle school, dressed as Anne Boleyn for some history project he doesn’t remember what was exactly about.

As years pass on your polaroid timeline, his face is slowly disappearing from your captured memories. He smiles when he sees his favourite photo of you, the one he also carries snuggled deeply in his wallet. It was taken by your mum on your seventeenth birthday. You went on a picnic by the sea and Jungkook surprised you with an unexpected visit, coming home back from Seoul. He gifted you a bracelet bought with the first money he had earned in his life.  

He wonders now if you still have that bracelet somewhere, hidden among many other things reminding you of your past together, just like the creased photo in his wallet he still hasn’t thrown away.  

Then, Jungkook eyes land on the most recent picture. You’re grinning to the camera while being hugged from the back by a man he doesn’t know. He presses his lips to your cheek in a fleeting kiss. An affectionate one.  

“I see you’re enjoying yourself.”  

Jungkook jolts a little hearing your voice. You come up to him and he notices you have changed your clothes for something looking much more comfier. “Remember this one?” you ask, pointing at the photo of you sitting on a beach next to the sand castle you built.  

Jungkook smiles apologetically. “Yeah.”  

“Ten seconds after taking this photo, you decided to ruin my sand castle and made my cry.”

He can’t help but share your grin when your eyes lock. There’s the same sympathy in them he’s grown to known. It feels familiar, almost domestic. He likes it.  

“So,” He nudges your side, pointing with his chin at the corkboard, “care to tell me who is this guy?” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and you roll your eyes in response at his antics.

“That’s my boyfriend Minho.” you answer.

Jungkook doesn’t know why but for some reason, he feels uneasy now. He’s mad at himself he’s been really missing out what’s going on in your life. He shakes off these thoughts quickly though, mastering an amusing attitude.

“That was a very poor introduction, ma’am. Come on, you can do better than this. Tell me more about him.” he teases, making you sigh loudly.

“Minho is five years older than me. He’s working as a police officer. We’ve been together for almost a year. Are you happy now?” you grumble.

Jungkook smirks. “Very much.”  

“He doesn’t sleep over here so I don’t have any of his clothes you can change into,” you add awkwardly.  

He furrows his eyebrows. What are you talking about now?  

You shift on your feet, turning to face him properly and now he realises why did you say it. The clothes you have on are actually your pyjamas. Right, it’s almost two. You’re probably sleepy after your night shift and he’s keeping you up. And you’re kindly reminding him it’s time for him to rest as well.

“It’s okay, I can sleep naked.” Jungkook says. Your eyes widen almost comically at that. “Relax, love. I’ll stay with my boxers on. Unless you want to see my without them.” He raises a single brow in question.

You grimace. “Jesus, Jungkook, you’re still drunk. Go take a shower. You can use the blue toothbrush and white towel.” You slump down on your bed  and he leaves the room without another word.

Jungkook has been in many bathrooms in his life but yours can only be describe as microscopic.

He feels almost claustrophobic when he’s standing underneath your shower. The water is splashing on everything and he panicks for a moment if you will be angry at him for the mess but then he realises it’s practically impossible to keep everything around dry when he’s showering without any curtain or glass door around him.

He uses your shampoo and body wash, cleaning himself as fast as possible. They smell nice, flowery and exotic and somehow like you. Quick shower definitely has drained him from most alcohol he has in his system. He can now think through the situation he’s in with clear mind.  

After drying himself up and putting on his boxers, he stands in front your sink. He wipes off the moist on the small mirror, just to be met with his blank, tired eyes staring back at him. He really should use some good sleep. He uses the blue toothbrush just like you told him to and in the middle of the second round of brushing, he chuckles to himself at the surrealism of this whole situation.

He’s met you for the first time in three years after not speaking to you at all. You don’t own him anything and here he is, already having enormous, unpayable debt because you saved his life from the embarrassment and possible scandal.  

You were always like this, ready to put on your superhero cape and save him. Just like years ago when you stood up from your seat in math class and told the teacher you didn’t feel well right before she was about to check his homework, or rather the lack of it which was going to result in another low grade on his account. You, scaring off his fifth grade bullies. You, paring up with him for every school project and doing most of the work selflessly and without a word of complaint because you’ve always liked working alone.  

Jungkook spits the rest of the toothpaste and water mixed together to the sink and splashes his face. He really doesn’t know why he deserves you.  

The question is simple. He doesn’t. Not after being a total prick to you. But in some strange way, you took him back again, like nothing ever happened.  

When he exits the bathroom, he sees you kneeling on the floor and putting a bunch of pillows on the carpet that lies next to your bed.  

Jungkook frowns. “What are you doing?”  

You look up at him. Your eyes widen visibly when they land on his exposed chest but you quickly compose yourself. “What does it look like? I’m setting up a bed for you.” you reply, patting the pillows, still refusing to meet his stare.

“Am I not going to sleep with you on the bed? We slept together before and it wasn’t a problem then,” he says with furrowed brows.

“Are you kidding? My bed is for one person only! And you’re… you’re–“  

“I’m what?”  

“You’re big! Bigger than you used to be.” you breathe out, standing up from your kneeling position and sitting on the bed instead. There’s a tingle of barely noticeable rednees on the apples of your cheeks and he fights an urge to tickle your sides just to see you trying not to break into laughter so he could get away with your stubbornness.

“Okay, Miss Grumpy,” he grumbles, kneeling on his make-shift bed. Upon hearing that, you freeze on your spot and then he realises what he has just done.  

He called you the old nickname he’s made for you. He hasn’t done that in years.

You bite your lip, acting as if it hasn’t affected you even the slightest. Clearing your throat, you reach for the lamp on your bedside table and switch it off.  

Twenty minutes after that, Jungkook finds himself lying on his back in complete silence and staring at the ceiling. You have a few fluorescent stars attached to it, the ones that shine when it’s dark. You had probably ten dozens of them in your old room in Busan, too. A whole constellation.

Jungkook won’t lie, it is a little uncomfortable to sleep on the floor. He tells himself he’s fine with that, though. It’s what he deserves for being an absolute asshole to you. The sleep will come eventually.  

Another minutes pass and he’s still very much awake. Then, Jungkook thinks ‘fuck it’ and decides to shoot his shot.  

“___?”

You hum sleepily in response after a short while. “Yeah?”  

“I cannot sleep.”  

“Not my fault.”  

He bites his lip. “Can I sleep with you?”  

“Jungkook…”  

“Pretty please?”  

There’s a long pause before you say, “Fine.”  

He hears you shifting on the mattress, making a room for him. The bed creaks under his weight when he places himself right next you, back to your back. He wonders if he isn’t squishing you to the wall right now.  

“Are you okay?” he asks, just to be sure.

Your comforter ruffles when you try to move but there’s no use for it, not when he’s practically pressed flush to you. “Yeah. I’m good. You’re just really hot.”

“Thanks, love. No need to flutter me like that.” Jungkook murmurs, a hint of smug smile on his lips you cannot see.

“I was taking about four freaking body temperature!”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to pretend you didn’t mean it.”  

“Go to sleep, Jungkook.”  

There’s mute between you for a while. Nothing but deep exhales and inhales and occasional sounds of cars or wind coming from outside of your window.  

It’s been really a long time since he’s slept in the same bed with other person. He's not the type to stay over after casual fuck, he’s never done that. But when he lies next to you, he can’t help but longe for someone to just hold him; nothing more, nothing less. He wonders what would you do if he turned around and snuggled into your backside. Would you yell at him? Kick him out?  

But you used to be so close together once. He won’t find out unless he tries.

Carefully, with limited space, he changes his position, mattress protesting under his weight but he rolls to his other side anyway, until he’s facing your back. He feels your body tensing a little when his breath fans over your neck but you don’t say anything, letting him cuddle up to you.  

It feels intimate this way, perhaps even too intimate for both yours and his liking but Jungkook can’t help but relish in your close proximity. When he senses you’ve relaxed a little, he shuts his eyes tightly.  

“___?” he murmurs. It's barely a whisper but you heard him loud and clear.

“Mhm?”  

“I’m sorry for ruining our friendship like that.”  

You’re silent for a moment and he thinks you might have fallen asleep but then, you let out a long sigh that sounds awfully audible in the small space of your bedroom. “You still have time to fix this, Jungkookie.”  

You haven’t called him that in three years. It’s good to hear that again.

He smiles to himself, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You don’t protest. If anything, he feels you breathe out with relief.  

Next morning you wake up feeling like the temperature in your room has risen to fifty degrees. You’re still wrapped tightly in your comforter and facing the wall, which means you haven’t moved even an inch in your sleep. The cause of it being a very much large, male body practically crushing you with its weight.  

You let out a shaky exhale. Jungkook’s front is not only pressed flush to your back but somehow, his muscular leg is thrown over yours, successfully trapping you in.

You wiggle, trying to free yourself from his hold but when you hear his quiet groan, you abruptly stop your movements. And then, you feel it. An apparent hardness poking your backside.  

You can’t help but blush, reminding yourself not to make this situation even more awkward than it already is. It happens sometimes, you tell yourself, it’s completely normal for men to pop a boner when they’re in such close, intimate position with another warm body.

But when you feel Jungkook unconsciously seeking friction and pressing himself even firmer against your bottom, you can’t help but yelp in response, throwing off the material covering your body and elbowing Jungkook's unsuspecting face in process.

“Fuck! What time is it?” he mumbles groggily, narrowing his eyes when they’re met for the first time with the sunlight gradually slipping through your unveiled curtains.  

“Quarter past your dick poking my ass!”  

Jungkook furrows his brows but when his eyes land on his crotch, he smiles sheepishly at you. “I’m sorry,” he mutters. “It’s just been a really long time since I slept next to someone like that.” His cheeks are flushed in pink and he rubs the back of his head in a bashful manner.

“What about your one night stands then?” you can’t help but ask.

He shrugs in response. “I never stay over.”  

“Oh.” You don’t even know why you’re strangely surprised. Maybe it comes from the fact that you’ve always pegged Jungkook to be the rather romantic type. People change, they say. Or sometimes your assumptions about someone you thought you know like the back of your hand happen to be wrong.  

You clear your throat. “Anyway, get up. It’s time for breakfast.” you say and disappear from his sight but he still hears you fumbling in the kitchen, popping the kettle on.  

He raises from the bed with reluctance, bending to lift the puddle of his clothes he left on the floor last night.  

“Hey, what do you want to–“ you begin but your voice involuntarily trails off, seeing him in rather exposed state now in broad daylight. “–to drink?” you finish almost breathlessly.

You’ve been aware Jungkook's good looking. He’s started attending gym long before you stopped keeping in touch with each other. You just didn’t know he is that ripped. It’s not a surprise that his fans go nuts every time they see even a small glimpse of his muscles.  

You really shouldn’t be staring but it’s too late when you see a sly smirk on his face. “Like what you see, buttercup?” he asks like the cocky bastard you didn’t know he’s capable of being. “I would like a black coffee, please.” he adds.

There’s a roll of your eyes in response to his teasing tone. “Oh, stop with these nicknames.”  

Jungkook grins. “Why? Hyung used to call you that and you blushed every time.”  

“Because I had the biggest crush on your brother when I was eleven, dumbass.” you scoff, shaking your head. You leave him, heading back to the kitchen to finish preparing food.

“I know you had a crush on him,” Jungkook shouts after you, putting on his pants and t-shirt. “I’m just curious why him, not me.”  

“Seriously? You had emo fringe and pimples back then!”  

He laughs, making his way to the kitchen where you’re standing by the counter and mixing something on the frying pan.  

“Hope you don’t mind eating scrambled eggs,” you say, sparing him a quick glance. “It’s probably the only edible thing in my fridge right now beside instant ramen.”  

Jungkook settles himself on the stool by the small, wooden table situated right by the window. This time, the view is a greish wall of another building. He takes the coffe cup from you and adds a generous spoon of sugar. “I don’t mind. It smells really nice.” he answers, calming your concerns. “So, am I not crushable in your eyes?” He takes a sip of his drink, peeking at you curiously.  

You take out the plates from the cabinet and start putting the food you’ve prepared on them. “What kind of word ‘crushable’ even is? Beside, you have millions of fans gushing over you, I’m unnecessary in this equation.” you say, placing the plate in front of him.

“But you aren’t saying no,” he counters.  

“Jungkook.”  

“I know, I know,” he chuckles. “I’m just teasing you.”  

You look at him then, observing thoroughly for the first time since you saw him last night. He’s indeed handsome, there’s not a hint of doubt about that. His features are more mature, the baby fat on his cheeks gone and replaced with chiseled jawline. But if there’s one thing which stays the same, it’s his eyes. Still gleaming with misheviousness when he laughs and holding starry skies in them when he’s astounded by something.  

“Didn’t know you were such a great cook, ___,” Jungkook’s voice brings you back to the reality. He sends you thumbs up with his mouth full and you can’t help but crack a smile at his goofiness. Old habits die hard, they say. “Aren’t you eating?” he asks, staring at you with wide eyes.

You glance at your untouched eggs and opt for taking a sip of coffee instead. “I’m not that hungry.” you respond. He shrugs his shoulders at that, taking a bite of the toast.  

You nip the inside of your cheek, hesitating, before asking him a question that have been sitting on the tip of your tongue since last night. “What are you going to tell the rest of the guys when you come home?”  

Jungkook's expression immadietly shifts after registering your question. “The truth.” he says like it’s the simplest thing in the world.  

You don’t even try to hide your puzzlement, repeting after him, “The truth?” in bewildered tone.

“They aren’t going to buy that anyway. But believe me, it’s better if I came back in the middle of the night completely wasted.”  

Something’s telling you not to dread that conversation longer so you don’t press him about it any further, instead focusing on changing a topic. “Do you have anything planned for the rest of the day?”  

He nods, swallowing. “We have a dance practice later.”  

You raise your eyebrows. “New comeback?” you smile teasingly and he sends you a wink.

“That’s a secret I’ll never tell.”  

“Oh, come on. You know I can keep my mouth shut,” you pout.  

He rolls his eyes at first but then a small smile appears on his lips. “I know you can. You’ve been covering for me in school all the time.” he murmurs. At that, something warm spreads in your chest. “Come on, buttercup, I’m not spilling anything until you start eating.” he warns, pointing at your untouched food.

When you grin at him and he reciprocates the gesture, it feels like you’ve turned back the time.

“And... five, six, seven, eight!”  

Jungkook doesn’t know how many times he has repeated the same sequence of movements but he feels like passing out anytime soon. He asked Hoseok to help him practice but it looks like his older friend is in rather bad mood today and he seems to lose patience even quicker.  

“...and spin–no! Jungkook, you’re not supposed to do it like that.” Hoseok sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.  

Jungkook grimaces, collapsing on the floor. “Give me a few moments, hyung. I’ll do better, I promise.” he mutters.  

Hoseok crunches down next to him for a moment, patting him on the shoulder reassuringly. “You did good, Kook-ah. We can call it quits for today.” he says.  

Jungkook doesn’t even have strength to answer him verbally. Instead, he shuts his eyes tightly and nods. He hears Hoseok walking away and talking in the distance with Namjoon about something.  

“Are you okay?”  

Jungkook cracks an eye open. It’s Jimin this time. He kneels on the floor, observing him with worried look on his face.

“Yeah. Just need a minute to catch a breath.” Jungkook responds.

Jimin nods but Jungkook knows him well enough to sense that there’s another question at the tip of his friend's tongue. And he’s not wrong.

“Jungkook, you know you should stop doing that.”  

Jungkook sits up, turning his head in Jimin's direction, eyes narrowed into slits. “What, hyung?” he asks, not hiding is irritation. He’s heard it too many times not to feel it already blubbering inside his chest.  

“You know exactly what I mean. Partying, getting drunk, sleeping around like a–“ Jimin stops himself in time, seeing Jungkook's expression.

“Like who?” Jungkook scowls. “Come on, hyung, end the sentence.”  

Jimin shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m just worried about you. We all are.” He puts his hand on Jungkook's shoulder and squeezes.  

“No need to. Besides, you’re the last one to lecture me about smart life choices.” Jungkook spats harshly and gets up, leaving Jimin staring at his disappearing figure with defeated expression.

Back in the confines of his room, Jungkook finds himself lying on his bed again. At some point, his thoughts wander back to you. He had to leave your flat quicker than he wanted because of the scheduled practice (and the hint of guilt he felt for his hyungs).  

He wonders if you can still be friends together, just like the old times. He needs it. Needs you by his side. He didn’t even know he’s been craving it unconsciously. But then he realises he didn’t even ask for your phone number. Maybe you still have the same one?  

He reaches for his phone and unlocks it, searching through his contacts. He has you saved under ‘Miss Grumpy'. It makes him smile involuntarily. His thumbs hover over the screen before he starts typing.

[21:08pm] me:  

hi, it’s me Jungkook. I don’t know if that’s still your number but I decided to give it a try. I wanted to say thank you once again for yesterday. and today’s breakfast. 

Few minutes later, his phone buzzes.

[21:11pm] Miss Grumpy:  

you’re welcome, buttercup  

Seven days later, Jungkook is at Bongcheon Underground Station again. This time, it’s not his recklessness and cynicism that led him here. He climbs up the stairs and walk into the half-asleep streets with purpose in his mind.  

He remembers exactly the path to the club you’re working in. Now he can only hope you have a shift tonight as well. 

You haven’t talked a whole week. He felt too insecure and scared to call or text you. What if you don’t want him to keep in touch? What if your last meeting and sleepover at your flat was just a favor for old times’ sake?  

That’s why he needs to see you in person. He thought about visiting you in your flat but his intoxicated brain betrayed him and he couldn’t recall your address even if he tried and he did, sitting in front of his laptop and wandering through the streets on Google maps.  

When he enters the club he’s met with the familiar buzz of electronic music and the smell of sweat mixed with nicotine. It looks like it’s his lucky day though, because here you are, talking with a client behind the bar.  

Jungkook can’t help but smile to himself. He observes you for a while from afar, watching you listening to someone’s tipsy rambling with a polite, yet forced sympathy. He decides to save you from the uncomfortable situation, marching to the bar and sitting on one of the stools.  

He sighs to himself, remembering the pieces and bits from his memory of the last time he was there, making a total fool of himself. If it wasn’t for you, his foot would never step here ever again.

You excuse yourself and leave the drunk man, just to be met with Jungkook's smiling eyes. Somehow, his brain short circuits and he sends you a wink.

You roll your eyes, approaching him. “What can I get you?” you ask. “Although after last time I suggest a glass of water.”  

He chuckles, pulling his face mask down. “When do you finish?”  

Sparing a glance at the watch you have on your wrist, you answer, “In forty minutes.”  

“A beer it is, then.”  

You hesitate, reaching for the glass. “And you’re just going to sit here the whole time, waiting for me?” you ponder with a surprised expression, just like you’d never thought he could do something like that.  

Jungkook only grins in response.  

For the next half an hour he watches you work; serving drinks to clients, polishing glasses, occasionally giving a love advices to some teary-eyed girls in a short, black dresses. Just when he’s chugging the last sip of his beer, you come up to him.  

“I’m done for tonight. You can wait for me outside.” you say.

When his in front of the bar, he pulls out his cigarettes and lights up one to pass the time. He wouldn’t call himself addicted. He smokes rather sporadically, mostly when he’s out getting wasted or when he’s stressed about something. Or just like now, when circumstances are conducive.  

Few minutes later you appear by his side. He takes one last drag and whirls to face you. “So you really quit, huh?” he asks, making you nod curtly. “And you don’t smoke even when you’re on a party?” He's almost astonished.  

“Nope, even then.” you confirm, hearing him mutter a ‘Wow’ under his breath. “Well? What now?” You cross yours arms over chest, eyebrows lifted in question.

He tosses the cigarette to the ground and tramples it with his foot. “I thought we could go to your flat, eat late night ramen and just talk.”  

“So we're hanging out now?” There’s a slight sarcastic lilt to your voice and he worries for a moment you are going to tell him to fuck off but then, your features soften. “It sounds nice but I know a spot not far away from here when we can sit and talk. If that’s okay with you.” you say.

“Lead the way, then.”

You didn’t lie when you said the place you were taking him wasn’t far away. What you didn’t tell him though, was that getting there meant climbing up the fire escape all the way to the rooftop of a run-down tenement house.  

“Care to explain me how do you know about this place?” Jungkook asks once he’s seated comfortably on an old, emerald sofa next to you. It’s a mystery to him how this peace of furniture was brought here but nevertheless, it was someone's good idea.

You were right. It is nice here. You have a full view to the city from up there and he’s sure it would be easy to see the green hills in daylight or watch how the sky burns during sunsets.

“Minho took me there first,” you explain, answering his question. “His police department is few blocks from here. One day they got a call from some angry, old lady, saying that someone was playing music very loudly nearby. When they arrived, they found out a group of teenagers had organized a party on top of the rooftop.”

Jungkook hums. “He’s quite romantic,” Upon seeing your clueless expression he adds, ‘’Your boyfriend, I mean.”  

“Ah, yeah,” You crack a smile, although he thinks it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “He is. Sometimes.”  

He decides not to press you about it any further.  

He leans his head back, closing his eyes for a brief moment and inhaling the chilly, pre-spring air. Then, he feels you nudging his side. “So, what do you want to talk about?” you ask, staring at him in anticipation. Jungkook lets out a groan in response and runs his hand down his face. You chuckle, “Hey, we didn’t come here to sit in silence. Entertain me a little, would you.”  

He sighs your name. You aren’t prone to giving up easily, he knows it. You’re probably the most stubborn person he’s had a chance to encounter and that is also one of the main reasons he came up with the ‘Miss Grumpy’ nickname when you were in fifth grade.

“I’m pretty sure the golden maknae of BTS has more interesting life than me,” you snicker and he knows it was meant to sound playful coming from you, but he feels something heavy in his chest hearing your remark.  

He musters up a small smile. “You would actually be surprised if I told you that my life isn’t as exciting as it may look.”  

It hasn’t missed your eye how tired Jungkook seems. No matter how much he tries, he can’t possibly hide fully the bangs underneath his eyes or the greish complexion of his skin. It’s weird seeing him in person like this; without stage make-up and plastered smile reserved for the fans. Seeing him so humane.

For the last three years, you only watched him on your phone's screen. But it wasn’t really him. Your Jungkook is sitting right next to you and silently observing the city during the night. Your Jungkook smoked cigarettes with you by the beach in Busan and got you an autograph from one of your favourite artists he had met personally at the backstage after some award ceremony.

Your Jungkook would never got himself drunk to the point of unconsciousness, risking his reputation. But again, you might only think you know him.

“Let’s talk about you instead,” Jungkook says suddenly, pulling you out from your thoughts. “What do you do beside working in that club?”  

You sigh. “You know I don’t like talking about myself either,”  

“I know, but we haven’t seen each other for so long. I need to catch up with you.” 

You fight an urge to scoff, “And whose fault is that?” but you’re not in the mood to argue. Nor is Jungkook, as you suppose. “I’m studying journalism. Bartending is my part-time job. I had to start working because I couldn’t afford to pay for rent just from my poor scholarship. Prices have increased so if I wanted to stay in Seoul, I needed to work, whether I wanted or not.”  

Jungkook knows there’s no words that could somehow lessen your struggles. It’s been a long time since he worried about money. Now, he can have everything he’s ever wanted yet something’s always missing. And he still hasn’t discovered how to fill that void.  

“You’re still writing?” he asks instead, referring to your hobby you’ve picked up when you were kids.  

“Yes, I am. That’s actually what most journalists do, Jungkook. We write.”  

He laughs boyishly, high-pitched and you recall that pleasant sound from the back of your memory. He used to be embarrassed of it when he was younger and often hid his mouth behind his hand to muffle it. You’re glad he doesn’t do that anymore.  

“What’s so funny in that?” You sound slightly irritated, although you’re trying hard to stop yourself from smiling too. It just comes naturally when you’re around him.

He takes a deep breath and then says, “Nothing. I’m just thinking,”  

You raise your eyebrow. “Thinking? About what?”  

“Remember how you’ve always dreamt about becoming a writer when we were teenagers?”  

You nod. That’s still very much your goal. Albeit you’re aware it might as well not come true, sadly. “I do. And what about it?”

Jungkook doesn’t respond right away. Instead, he places his arms behind his head and leans back on the couch with a coy smile. “Maybe you will write my biography one day.” he says after a moment.  

“Only if you pay me shit tons of money for that.”

“Agreed.”  

You find yourself coping his position and slumping on the couch as well. His eyes are closed, and you watch him from the corner of your eye. Despite the dim lighting, he seems glowing in the darkness like a single, silver spot on the noir sky.

“I think I know how would it be called.” you say suddenly.

“Hmm?”  

“Your biography. I came up with the title.” you clarify.

“What is it then?” Jungkook hums with his eyes still closed.

You take a moment to answer, looking up at the blackboard night sky above you. Smiling to yourself, you reply. “I would call it ‘Lost star’.”  

His brows furrow slightly. “Why is that?”  

“That’s my secret for now.”  

“I don’t know. I think this song needs something more.”  

“It’s fine for me, Namjoon-ah. The bridge is great, stop worrying so much. We still have a lot of time before the deadline.”  

“Thanks, hyung. Jungkookie, have you spoke with Hyowon-hyung about your solo?”  

“Kook-ah? We’re talking to you.”  

“Jeon Jungkook!”  

Jungkook looks up from his phone at the sound of Seokjin's harsh voice. He sends his older friend a clueless look. “Hmm?”  

Namjoon sighs. “I asked you a question, Jungkook.”  

Jungkook puts away his phone. “I’m sorry, hyung. I wasn’t listening. Can you repeat it?”  

“Of course you weren’t, you’ve been staring at your phone for the past twenty minutes instead of paying attention to us.” Seokjin scoffs, digging his chopsticks in the kimchi he's eating.  

It’s a little past seven and they are having late dinner at their dorm after a whole day of schedule. Jungkook doesn’t even know what type of commercial they were recording. He just kept reading everything from the monitor behind the camera as he always does, trying to make it seem as unnoticeable as possible.

Truth to be told, Seokjin's right. He hasn’t been paying attention to their conversation, although he definitely should have. Telling them he was texting you this whole time is a pathetic and dumb excuse, he knows that. He doesn’t want them to ask him questions about you. Not yet.

“I asked if you talked to Hyowon-hyung.” Namjoon repeats after a moment.  

A hint of realization crosses Jungkook's face at that. “Yeah, I did. He played me the first draft and told me to work on the lyrics.” he says, reaching for his chopsticks.

Namjoon nods, humming. “Do you want me to help you with that?”  

Jungkook shrugs. “No, you don’t have to. I’m just waiting for the inspiration to kick in.”  

And he hopes it’s going to enlighten him soon. He has a few songs written on his own but creating music for an album it’s different. The standards are higher, expectations bigger. Restricted time always makes him jittery, too.

Taking a mouthful of his bibimpap, a smile flashes across his face. He glances if anyone is looking at him now but his friends are busy talking about something regarding the next release. He reaches for his phone and writes a message to you.  

[7:16pm] me:

do you remember the time when you cooked a bibimpap for my goodbye dinner at home?

Not even a minute later, he receives a response from you.  

[7:16pm] Miss Grumpy:  

yeah I do  

why are you asking me this tho

[7:17pm] me:  

I’m eating it know and it reminded me of that day

sorry but god, it was awful

[7:16pm] Miss Grumpy:  

excuse me????

He remembers probably every second of that day. His mother’s tears, your extremely undercooked meat and his father’s affectionate hug.  

Smiling to himself, he taps another sentences.

[7:18pm] me:  

I couldn’t tell you that. you looked so proud of yourself  

I just ate everything like it was the most delicious course on this planet

best acting of my life  

[7:19pm] Miss Grumpy:

you asshole

i poured my heart into this

you’re right, that was your best acting. definitely better than war of hormone playboy jungkook  

He rolls his eyes. The amount of times you joked about this particular moment of his career is neverending.

[7:19pm] me:  

can you please stop  

[7:20pm] Miss Grumpy:

fuck off. of course I won’t  

how was it?  

ah I know.

I’m a bad boy so I like bad girls

showstopping. truly

He tries to muffle his laughter but there’s no use for that. He snickers under his breath, hoping no one have noticed but he was oh, so wrong. Because as soon as he looks up from the phone screen, all eyes are on him.  

Namjoon clears his throat. “You’re not eight anymore, Jungkook, so I won’t lecture you like a father but please, don’t use your phone while we’re eating.”  

“Who are you texting this passionately anyway? You never put anything before food.” Hoseok adds, frowning.

“My hyung.” Jungkook answers casually.  

In the corner of his eye he sees Taehyung leaning to whisper something in Jimin's ear and they both giggle quietly. Jungkook sends them a glare.

They stop but few seconds later, Taehyung breaks into his signature boxy smile.

“What is this, Taehyung?” Namjoon asks, frowning.

“It looks like our Jungkookie is lying.”  

Jungkook grips the edge of the table tightly. He searches for Jimin's eyes but he looks away quickly, as though almost guilty.  

At the other end of the table, Yoongi puts away his chopsticks and wipes his mouth with a napkin. “Care to elaborate on that, Taehyung-ah?”  

“He isn’t texting his brother. I think Jungkookie might be in love,” he sing-songs, giggling to himself.  

Jungkook’s first instinct is to smack his friend's in the head. And so does he. “What the fuck, Tae?” he snaps.

“Language, kid!” Seokjin says automatically.

“I'm twenty-two!”  

“And I’m twenty seven, so shut your mouth and listen to your elders. What is Taehyung speaking about?”  

Jungkook shakes his head. “I have no idea.”  

“Oh, stop bullshitting us. I looked at your phone screen when it was lying on the table. You don’t call your hyung ‘Miss Grumpy'.” Taehyung says, his fingers doing the quotation mark in the air.

“You’re not supposed to look at my phone! It’s called privacy!” Jungkook exclaims, however it’s pointless. Everyone now is focused on him and you.

“Can someone tell who the fuck is ‘Miss Grumpy’?” Seokjin asks, looking around the table.  

Jungkook runs his hand through his hair in a nervous manner. He screwed up, and now they won’t let him breathe for at least five more days. “Her name is actually ___. She’s my childhood friend from Busan.”  

He hears Taehyung chuckling next to him. “Oh, come on. You can tell us you’re sexting her. We won’t judge.”  

“I’m not!”

“Shut the fuck up, all of you!” Yoongi says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Can’t we for once eat in peace? Jungkook, please, kindly explain us who this girl you’re texting with is.”  

Jungkook pursues his lips. “I told you. She’s just my old friend. Why would I lie to you?”  

Seeing their uneasy expressions, he realises he said the wrong thing. He has lied to them before about many things. It isn’t anything shocking that they doubt his words now. They have all rights to do it.

Namjoon is the first one to break the uncomfortable silence. “Jungkook, you know the rules. We can't freely date like we would like to. I suggest you should end things with this girl, whatever you're both doing, before it escalates into something more serious. Before you hurt her and yourself in the process.” he says.

Hoseok nods at his friend’s words. “Namjoon is right, Jungkookie. Serious relationships are just going to make everything more complicated.”  

Jungkook grits his teeth. “We aren’t dating.” he spats.

“Sleeping together also isn’t a good idea.”  

“We aren’t having sex,” Jungkook's eyes narrow. “Why didn’t you tell the same thing to Yoongi-hyung when he was seeing that blonde girl? He sneaked her into his room one day and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t just playing her his music.” he scowls, shaking his head.

“Hyung's older than you. Besides, he ended things with her some time ago.” Namjoon counters.

“It’s true, Jungkook-ah. Namjoon is right. No matter what you’re doing with her, you should always be careful.” Yoongi adds.  

Something breaks in Jungkook at that. All of the pent-up frustration seems to leave his body at once. “You know what? Fuck off, all of you. I’m not a kid anymore. I can make my own decisions and they are none of your fucking business.” He stands up from the table abruptly.  

“Jungkook, wait. Let’s talk without fighting now,” Namjoon pleads but he isn’t listening to him anymore.  

Jimin, who was silent this whole time, puts his hand on Jungkook's shoulder. “Jungkookie–” he starts but his immadietly cut off by Jungkook's harsh tone.

“Stop calling me that!” Jungkook snaps and walks away, slamming the door to his room behind himself.

There’s a knock to his door an hour after.  

This pattern feels familiar. He messes something up, they give him some space to think and reflect about it on his own and then, it’s time to sit together and discuss it openly almost like a peace treaty. Jungkook says sorry, promises he will be a better person and everyone moves on.

He doesn’t bother getting up until he hears a voice behind the door speak up. “It's Yoongi-hyung. I’m not here to force you to apologize. I just want to talk.”  

Jungkook's brows furrow. He stares at the door, imagining Yoongi standing behind it with his hands in pockets and eyes glued to the ceiling. He debates whether he should open the door and let him in or keep sulking just a little more until the atmosphere will loosen up on its own.

Somehow, his thoughts wander to you. You would probably tell him that communication is the key to solving problems, or something along the lines. That he can’t shut himself from the world because he feels like no one really gets him. You would also call him childish but he doesn’t dwell on that more.

“Jungkook-ah? Please, open the door. I promise I won’t patronize you.”  

He exhales loudly and gets up from the bed. If there’s one person in this house whose words he can trust wholeheartedly, it’s Yoongi. He twists the handle and walks back to his bed.  

The door clicks shut a few moments later, mattress dipping where Yoongi makes a room for himself next to him, clearing his throat.  “Listen,” he begins but Jungkook cuts him off with a scoff.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t give me patronizing ted talks.”  

“Yeah, I did. But I won’t stare at the wall in silence either,” Yoongi says. Few deep breaths later, he continues. “Jihye was a nothing but a good friend to me with whom I had sex sometimes, no strings attached. Until one day I realised our relationship stopped being solemnly based only on physical attraction. That’s why I decided to end things with her.”  

“Did you fall in love with her?” Jungkook asks.  

Yoongi shakes his head. “No, I didn’t. But I could. And that’s what scared me the most.”  

“Why?”  

In the corner of his eye, Jungkook sees him smiling sadly. “It's simple. Because being together would only lead us to heartbreak. I cared about her too much to make her hurt like that due to my selfishness.” he says. “This is the same reason why Jimin didn’t continue his relationship with our make-up noona even after she left the company. And that’s exactly why you shouldn’t get any hard feelings involved with that friend of yours.”  

Jungkook pursues his lips. He understands Yoongi's concerns but his situation is different. Jimin was in love with that woman. He was ready to buy an apartment for them and move out from the dorm. If someone from the company hadn’t found out about their secret relationship, he would have still been sneaking around with her.

Jungkook though, doesn’t have any feelings for you. He’s gone past his silly crush when you were younger a long time ago. Besides, you have a boyfriend and he doesn’t chase after taken women. At least not intentionally.

“She’s just a friend, hyung.” he says finally but it sounds more like he tries to convince himself, not Yoongi.

Yoongi pats him on the shoulder. “I know. Just be careful, okay?” And with that, he leaves Jungkook's room.

Jungkook knew it was a bad idea as soon as he stepped into the club and loud, thumping music filled his ears.

He knew it when he ordered a round of shots and gulped them down one after another. When he found himself in the middle of the crowd of sweaty bodies, head buzzing and arms around a nameless brunette, his tongue between her lips.

And he knows it right now, when he’s sitting in a booth, her ass placed directly over his crotch where he’s already sporting a hard-on. The girl (Eunbi? Or maybe it’s Eunji? He hasn't registered when she shouted it to his ear because he was too busy staring down at her cleavage) grinds herself with eagerness against him and he lets out a groan, leaning to plant kisses on the side of her neck. And in that exact moment, when his chapped lips meet the porcelain skin of her throat, he locks eyes with you.  

(And he’s once again reminded how stupid it was to go to the club where you work.)

After his conversation with Yoongi he felt like he needed to prove something to himself. That he’s not the one to fall in love impulsively, that he can fuck and not get feelings involved. He could have gotten himself drunk in in any other place yet here he is, a random girl straddling him while he blinks his bloodshot eyes at you.

Your gaze trails down from his face to his palms splayed on brunette’s bottom and you scoff to yourself, averting your attention somewhere else. If he’s disappointed, he hides it pretty well, sucking yet another purplish mark on the girl's neck she accepts with another roll of her hips.

Whimpering into his ear, she moves herself faster against his hardness but he doesn’t pay mind to her anymore, not when he catches you looking at him again in the corner of his eye.  

The girl leans to kiss him and he obliges, tongue darting to lick into her mouth but his eyes remain trained on you the whole time. You see him slipping his fingers underneath her skirt and smirking when he feels the evidence of her lust between her thighs. He wants you to watch him making her come undone on his lap, he craves to relish in the sick thrill of having you witnessing what he’s capable of doing. But when he’s about to pull the girl's lingerie to the side, you’re turning away and disappearing from his sight.  

His fingers stay pressed to the flesh of brunette's thighs, unmoving, until she purrs into into his ear. “Oppa, please. Want you so bad.”

Jungkook tsks to himself, rolling his eyes at her saccharine sweet, high-pitched voice. “Not here.” he mutters.  

Minutes later he’s in the club's bathroom, his head thrown back and grunts escaping his lips. He looks down at the mop of her hair as she swallows around his cock, bringing him closer to the release. She peeks at him from between her eyelashes, teary-eyed and already fucked-out.  

He threads his fingers through her hair and pulls hard, until she moans around him. “That’s it, baby. Gonna fuck your mouth now.” He pushes himself deeper, feeling her choke. She welcomes the pain without complaint, tears flowing down her cheeks and palms pressed obediently on his thighs. Jungkook clenches his jaw, focusing on his pleasure until he groans lowly and comes down her throat.  

He pulls away from her mouth, tugging himself back into his pants. She stands up from her kneeling position on wobbly legs and wraps her arms around his neck. “What about me, oppa?” she giggles, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Won’t you fuck me now?”  

He sighs, staring down at her. There are smudges of mascara underneath her eyes, her cheeks are wet with tears and her lipstick is smeared. He reaches with his thumb to wipe it, and she leans into his touch.  

He feels guilty telling her to be quiet and hiking her skirt up. He feels it when she climaxes around his fingers with a cry of his name on her lips. He feels it too even stronger, cleaning her up and leaving to fix her make-up in front of the blurry mirror, but that’s all he can do. That’s everything he can provide.  

Later that night, when he's finally in his own bed, your face flashes behind his eyelids. He's sick of himself, of his actions, that he let his weaknesses got best of him again.  

Before he could even think of it, he types a message to you.  

[3:45am] me:  

I’m sorry. I was drunk and couldn’t think straight  

Few bits of silence later, his phone buzzes.  

[3:47am] Miss Grumpy:  

I know you were  

Did you at least thank her?  

He scoffs to himself, thinking about proper words to answer you but strangely, he recalls your wide eyes transfixed on him and the way you held his challenging gaze when his lips kissed another woman. He’s never seen you looking at him like that before. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t affect you even the slightest.

[3:48am] me:  

don’t worry. she had a good time  

[3:48am] Miss Grumpy:  

goodnight, jungkook  

[3:49am] me:  

sleep tight, ___.

There’s something apprehensive in the perpetual ticking of the clock when it's silent in the room. It almost feels like the sound keeps getting louder and louder as the time passes by, as if it’s expecting a storm to occur and shatter the calm.

“___?”  

You’re brought back to the reality from your thoughts by Minho's voice. He has a questioning look on his face, watching you with raised eyebrows.

“I’m sorry,” you say sheepishly. “I was lost in my thoughts for a moment.”  

“I could see that,” Minho reaches for his tea cup and takes a sip. “Is everything alright?” he asks, but you shake your head with a smile.

“Just university stuff.” you say vaguely and he doesn’t press you about it any further, nodding in understanding.  

Minho left his work earlier today, coming straight to your flat. It’s Wednesday and Wednesdays are dedicated to spending your time together on dates. Today, you’re going to the cinema and to your favourite sushi bar. For the second time this month.

“I’m going to use the bathroom now and then we can head out, okay?”  

You answer him with a nod. Standing up, you gather your cups and place them into the sink but right when you’re about to wash them, you hear Minho's phone buzz with single notification.  

You bite your lip. You know you shouldn’t look but you push it to the back of your head for now, sparing a quick glance at his lockscreen.

Sooyoung: when you will be free next time?  

You frown. You’ve never heard him taking about any woman from his work with a name like this. The message sounds ambiguous but it doesn’t have to mean anything to worry about at the same time. You just have to ask to be sure. That’s what couples do, right? They communicate.

Taking a deep breath, you wait for Minho until he comes back from the bathroom.  

“Are you ready to–”

“Who’s Sooyoung?” you cut him off before you’ll lose your courage and let the anxious thoughts consume you without asking him first.

He furrows his brows but then his eyes land on the phone lying on the table. He pursues his lips. “You’ve been snooping through my phone?”  

“I didn’t have to snoop. I just looked at the screen when you got a notification.” you say as calmly as possible, trying to hide your nerves. “I just thought it’s a little weird that some other woman is asking you when you will be free next time.”  

Minho's eyes narrow. “What are you insinuating?” he asks.  

“I’m not insinuating anything. Just tell me who she is, it’s simple.”  

He looks uneasy, tongueing the inside of his cheek but nevertheless, he’s still as composed as ever, gauging you with tentative expression. “Sooyoung is my friend from work. She’s a new recruit and we go to the shooting range to practice once a week,” he explains. “And before you will ask: we aren’t there all alone. Kihyun accompanies us. So you don’t have to worry about anything. Can we go now, honey?” 

You lower your eyes to the ground, nodding. When you try to move past him, Minho catches your wrist. “Do you have anything more to add?” His voice is stern and you gulp.  

“I'm sorry.” you almost whisper.  

“It’s okay. Just don’t jump into conclusions next time, okay?” he says, hand still wrapped tightly around your hand.  

“Okay.” you repeat and he releases you.  

A smile appears on his face after that, and he cocks his head at you. “Let's go.”  

You exhale a shaky breath you didn’t even know you were holding and follow him.

There are some things in our lives that we cannot predict.  

Like the heavy traffic on the way to work because of the car crash happening somewhere in the city or meeting your ex you’d rather forget about in a shopping mall months after break up.  And when they do happen, we can only confront what the faith has in store for us, no matter how much we resist.

You certainly couldn’t predict that after sending a ‘god I want to get drunk so bad’ message to Jungkook he would actually appear hours later on your doorstep with grocery bags in one hand and pizza box in another, grinning broadly when he saw your genuinely surprised expression.

That’s when the surrealism kicks in, when you’re sitting on the floor of your bedroom, one empty bottle of suju on your account and the second almost drained to the half. When Jungkook is right by your side, tomato sauce on his chin you wipe out for him with a grimace, talking about some dumpling incident that caused a huge fight among his friends.

But no matter how much you try, how much alcohol you pour into your system, you’re unable to fully get rid of the anxious thoughts sitting at the back of your head.

It’s been a while since your argument with Minho and even though you want to believe him, the creeping feeling that something’s off won’t leave you. It’s easy to say to always trust your intuition, but what if it prompts you scenarios you wouldn’t like to become real?  

Jungkook must have sensed that something doesn’t feel right because he stops his rambling mid-sentence, clearing his throat. “Are you even listening to me now, buttercup?” he asks.  

You snap out of your thoughts at that, mustering an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I was but–”

“But you zoned out for a moment,” he finishes. “It’s okay. I know you since we were kids, I can tell when there's something bothering you. It’s all in your eyes.” he says, making you furrow your brows in confusion.

“What’s in my eyes?”  

“They look sad.”  

You shy away from his piercing stare, looking at your lap instead. You’ve always proud yourself that you can read people like an open book. That’s why you can so easily hide your true emotions at bay before the whole world. But if there’s only one person who is capable of seeing through you, it’s Jungkook.  

You can open up to him, you remind yourself. You’re safe, he’s been your friend for such a long time, he won’t hurt you.  

You take a deep breath and say, “Minho and I have some trouble. I mean, it’s nothing serious but he’s been acting weird lately and few days ago we got into a fight, so yeah. I’m just... a little stressed, that’s all.”  

“Should I kick his ass?” he suggests and knowing him, he might as well be serious so you brush it of with a chuckle.

“Maybe not yet.”  

You reach for the empty pizza box between you, putting it to the side. You debate taking another shot of soju but eventually you refuse, placing the bottle next to the carton. You’ve had enough alcohol for tonight anyway.  

“Are you happy with him, ___?” Jungkook asks suddenly, and you feel like all the air in the room has been sucked off.  

You turn to face him, heart rickocheting faster in your ribcage. If you’re truly shocked he’s had an audacity to ask this, you hide it pretty well. Something in your head is telling you that the best defence is attack, so you aim.  

“Are you happy?”  

Your question stirs something in him. You don’t know what you expected but you could never imagine him actually catching the bait and answering you with honesty. Yet he does.

“You know, I’ve been asking myself the same question a lot lately,” he says, smiling lopsidedly. “There are days when I’m the happiest person on this planet, when I feel like I can do everything. But sometimes, when I step down the stage and lights go out, it just gets harder.” There’s a slight crack to his voice at the end and when you look him in the eyes, they’re glassy. “If I knew it could be so lonely, I wouldn’t have signed up for this. Ever.”

Some things in life we are able to predict. We know the road leading to success and accomplishment might be bumpy, yet we cannot truly be prepared for the outcome of all the difficulties we come across along the way. Jungkook was aware of the consequences his popularity may cause in the future, but he simply didn’t think it could be so overwhelming.  

You scoot closer to him, your hand finding his amid your bodies. He looks down and intertwines his fingers with yours with a hint of smile in the corner of his lips. “You have all rights in the world to feel the way you do, Jungkook, remember that. But you’re not alone in this. I’m always here, okay? I’ve been for the past three years and I’m not going anywhere soon.” you say firmly, closing the distance between you.

He accepts your hug with eagerness, wrapping his arms around your frame with desperation, pulling you closer. It’s been so long since you’ve talked like this, since you’ve comforted each other and shared deepest fears.  

Jungkook buries his face in the crook of your neck, where you feel him breathing out shakily. He rests his palms on your back, tracing soothing patterns over the material of your hoodie and that’s when you realise he wasn’t the only one who needed to be held like this, even just for a moment. It’s exactly what you’ve been missing, the sheer intimacy of a simple hug.

“Sometimes I just wish it was different.” he whispers into your hair and you close your eyes, swallowing the lump in your throat.  

“Me too.”  

Somehow, it seems like the most honest thing you’ve said.

Even when you pull away, you’re still mere inches from him. You feel his breath on your skin, his hands travelling from your backside to your hips. Jungkook's eyes are focused on your face but there’s no sadness or melancholy in them now. In his deep brown orbs you recognize something akin to longing.  

And maybe the alcohol running in your veins is deceiving you, but when his gaze drops to your lips, you can’t do anything; you’re paralyzed, barely breathing. It’s electrifying, crawling in your skin. His right palm finds the apple of your cheek, thumb stroking your bottom lip until he releases it and tilts your chin. The moment your eyes meet his comes with realization that maybe you were right - you see the yearning in them. But it’s mixed with desire.

The first touch of his lips on yours feels almost exploratory. He kisses you so softly and carefully you might believe it’s his first kiss, but you know this is only a false inkling. Truth to be told, his experience in this area is incomparable to yours. With the shy press of his lips on yours he’s only testing the waters, sensing if you want to push him away. Yet you don’t.  

You succumb to the way his chapped lips move against yours, like they’ve always belonged there. You want to be as close to him as possible, feel the heat radiating of him on you. Nothing else matters beside you and him right now, the reality outside doesn’t exist as long as you’re in the confines of your small bedroom, lips colliding and rational thoughts gone.

When your fingers almost hesitantly thread into the locks at the back of his head, Jungkook deepens the kiss. Your body is moving on your own accord, knees sinking onto the floor on either sides of his thighs until you’re straddling his lap. You taste the desire on his tongue as he runs it through the seam of your lips, seeking entrance you provide.

His hands find purchase on your hips and when he nips on your bottom lip you let out a silent moan, leaning your forehead on his. “What are we doing?” you whisper, breathing heavily down his flushed cheeks and parted mouth. You’re trying to grasp the meaning behind all of this: of your quickened heartbeat, of the evidence of his desire where you groins meet.

“Something we are going to regret later.” It’s the answer Jungkook gives, connecting your mouths once again in a searing kiss.

Everything seems to crush around you. Erupting volcanoes, cascading waterfalls, tsunamis consuming the land. It’s dangerous, Jungkook thinks to himself, kissing you like that, nibbling on your bottom lip and eliciting a moan. But he can’t help but drown in it.

You’ve never felt quite like this; consumed by the flames of forbidden desire, ready to burn into ashes. Jungkook’s palms shift underneath your hoodie and you’re surprised how warm they feel against your skin, caressing your stomach and underside of your breasts. He’s touching you with ardour, like he doesn’t believe you’re in his arms, like you’re going to disappear the second he lets go of you.

You place sloppy kisses on his cheeks, jawline, down his neck, relishing in the way he seems to be affected by your caresses, tightening his grip on your waist with every press of your lips on his skin. He grasps the hem of your hoodie, looking for any sign of discomfort in your eyes but when you nod your head, he doesn’t hesitate to lift it off you, uncovering your bare cleavage.

Biting your lip, a sudden wave of insecurity washes over you but it quickly vanishes as soon as his palms engulf your breasts almost roughly, thumbs brushing your nipples until the peeks harden under his ministrations and you can’t help but gasp. He trails kisses down your throat, teeth grazing your skin almost feather-like and you know what’s that for. He doesn’t want to live a visible mark there.

In one, swift motion, Jungkook puts his hands underneath your thighs and stands up from the floor, lifting you up with ease and placing gently on your bed. He hovers over your half-naked figure, eyeing you with the carnal hunger that makes your chest raise and fall with heavy intakes of breath, core pulsing with want.  

He takes off his shirt and tosses it somewhere on the floor, and now you understand why all these girl are so drown to him. Jungkook's probably the most good looking man you’ve ever laid eyes on. Everything in him is crafted with perfection, from the prominent outline of his jaw, through the column of his throat and collarbones, to the sculpted expanses of his chest and abdomen.  

Your fingerstips are itching to map every ridge and deep of his body but you remain still, anticipating his next move with rapidly beating heart. Dominance and power radiating of him nearly make you squirm underneath his scrutinizing stare. His dark eyes are telling you to obey him, and you give yourself to him without resistance. You’ve never felt this way, not with anyone. Yet here you are, stripped from the innocence and bared to the pleasure.

Jungkook reaches to the waistband of your leggings, pulling them down and leaving you with nothing but your underwear on. He straddles your thighs, his palm pressed flat to your stomach until he slides it lower, to the dip of your body where you drip with the need of being fucked until you forget your own name.  

The first press of his fingers on your pussy makes your limbs jerk uncontrollably and he smirks at your reaction, seeing the material of your panties dampening with his small, teasing strokes. It’s almost embarrassing how quickly it wounds you up, blame it on your uncontrollable celibacy or maybe something else entirely.

“What do you want me to do, doll?” His question makes you whine, hips raising to feel more of his touch on you but he only chuckles at your apparent eagerness, patting your folds in reprimand.  

“Anything,” you breathe out in response, looking at him with frenzied eyes and hoping he will be merciful to you.

Jungkook tsks, his fingers leaving your cunt and grasping your jaw tightly. “Be a good girl and use your words.”  

You gulp, a humiliating blush reddening your cheeks. You’ve never really been a vocal person during sex, nor were people you had slept with but you can’t deny how much of a turn on is Jungkook's commanding voice.

“Please, Jungkook. Want you to touch me.”  

“Where?” His other hand wanders down your body until he cups your center. “Here?” he asks in a mocking tone, making you nod silently. “You want me to touch your pretty pussy with my fingers?”  

“Yes, please.”  

He grasps your underwear and shruggs it off your legs, smirking when he sees you so affected by his words. He then shoves his index and middle finger into your mouth and watches as you obediently lap your tongue around them, looking at him with hooded eyes.

“Fuck.” he curses, pulling his fingers out of your mouth.  

You look so pliant and submissive lying naked underneath him, so willing to let him do with you whatever he pleases. His cock throbs in his pants at the thought. He’s had girls at his beck and call before but it’s a different kind of lust with you. A strong yearning, consuming him from the inside, a desperation to be as close as two humans being submerged into carnality possibly can be.

Your back arches when his calloused fingers finally make contact with your bare pussy, slipping between your folds to gather the wetness dripping from your hole. You gasp at the feeling of his thumb circling your clit, biting your lip until you taste iron. He easily finds the right way to make you moan, to make your legs shake with want.  

You cry out his name when he pushes the first digit inside. He swears under his breath when he feels your warm walls flattering around him. “M-more,” you whimper, hips lifting of the mattress and seeking friction.

Jungkook smirks at that. “You’re so wet, baby. You like it, don’t you? Such a greedy slut.” You’re mewling at his words, grasping his wrist when he roughly plunges another finger into your cunt and starts shoving them in and out, not sparing even a second to let you adjust to the punishing pace he sets.

He leans his body closer over yours, eyes focused on the way your face writhes in pleasure while his fingers are abusing your pussy. You’re dripping, your arousal coating the his palm and the insides of your thighs. When he sees you reaching to squeeze your breasts, he swears he’s never seen anything sexier than this in his entire life.

“Jungkookie–nghh, please,” You’re a blubbering mess, moaning incoherent sentences. You could sense your orgasm approaching, you’re feeling it warming your body from the tip of your toes all the way to your core where you’re gushing around his long fingers.  

“Come on, doll. Be a good girl and cum for me.” Jungkook murmurs. With his words and his thumb flicking your bundle of nerves with practiced ease, you’re pushed over the edge, tears spilling from your eyes and coating your cheeks. He watches with parted mouth as you come with his name on your lips, your velvet walls deliciously tightening around his digits. He gives you a moment to ride out your high, stroking your side with his palm soothingly.  

Pulling out his fingers, he places them in his mouth, humming lowly at the taste of your arousal on his tongue. He wants nothing more than bury his face between your thighs and lick you clean but right now, he needs to fuck you.  

He stands up from the bed, taking off his pants and boxers along with socks and catches you peeking at him from the corner of your eye. Your chest is rising with laboured breaths, lips swollen from the way you’ve been biting them to stop yourself from letting out any loud noises that could potentially be heard through the thin walls of your apartment.  

He digs one knee on the mattress, his other hand wrapped around his thick cock. You lick your lips at the sight, nails digging crescent moons into your palms.

“On your fours, baby.” Jungkook commands and you oblige with flushed cheeks, maneuvering your body onto your hands and knees. You feel him behind you, his palms stroking the skin of your bare ass. A sick thrill runs through your body at the prospect of being taken in such a humiliating position.  

Groaning, Jungkook rubs the mushroom head of his cock through your folds, collecting the juices spilling out of you. That’s when you come back to your senses and your whole body stiffens. “Wait,” you call out, making him pause. “We need a condom.”  

“I’m clean. Besides, I never fuck anyone else without protection.”  

“Fine, just–” Closing your eyes, you release a shaky breath. “–you need to pull out, okay?”  

Jungkook leans over your body, placing a kiss on your shoulder blade. “Relax, ___. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.” With one hand on your waist and the other on your hip, he positions the tip of his cock at your entrance and pushes agonizingly slow inside, making you moan at the stretch. You’re grasping the sheets underneath between your fingers, knees threatening to give away after another measured stroke that leaves your heat pulsating.

“Fuck, you’re so tight. When was the last time he fucked you?” he grunts, digging his fingers into your flesh. At the mention of Minho, your body tenses. You breath heavily, trying to push the unwelcomed thoughts aside.  

“A m-month ago?” you utter, recalling the last time you had sex. Or rather when you sucked him off and he didn’t bother reciprocating the favor.  

Jungkook shoves his cock deeper, scoffing to himself. “His stupid for not appreciating this enough.”  

You bite your lip, focusing on the feeling of him inside you. His words sound affectionate, too affectionate for your liking and you don’t want to think about this moment like it means more than what it is. Your hands tremble and lose balance when he fucks into you harder, until he’s filling you to the brim. You’ve never felt so deliciously full. A few bits of ragged breaths later, you mumble, ‘’You can move.”

He tightens his grip on you, bottoming out. He sets a steady pace, fucking you slowly but deeply, making you cry out into the pillow at the sensation of his cock dragging through your walls, making sure you feel every inch of him. “You feel so good, doll. So wet and tight. I’m gonna make a mess of your pretty pussy.” he says lowly.

The sounds of skin slapping against skin echo through the room with the promise of merciless fucking. Jungkook is relentless, pounding into you faster and faster, like he wants to ruin you, imprint himself on your body to make you remember how easily you can give into vulnerability. His hand slips underneath you and he lifts your upper body up, pressing your back into his chest. The new found angle causes him to hit the spot inside you that has you putty in his arms.

“Don’t–nghhh–stop, fuck!”  

He grunts into your ear in response, sweaty bangs ticking the side of your neck. He sneaks his other hand around your throat and you gulp. “Is this okay?” You hear him whispering and you’re nodding, tears gathering in your eyes from the immense pleasure he is bringing to you with every snap of his hips that threatens to make you lose it on his cock.

His fingers apply a slight pressure against your neck, enough to make you lightheaded with unfamiliar yet ecstatic feeling. He overwhelms you in every way possible and you’ve never felt like this; so powerless yet alive at the same time.  

Jungkook releases the grip on your throat but he’s hand still remains there as if in warning. “Look at you, taking my cock in your slutty cunt. You’re close, aren’t you? Gonna cum all over me?” he growls, fingers rubbing your clit in fast circles until tears are spilling down your cheeks and you’re keening.

“God–yes, fuck! Please, I want to cum so bad.” you whimper, squeezing your eyes shut. You’re on cloud nine, trembling in his arms. He tightens his hold on your throat again and with one last, final flick of his digits on your pussy you’re reaching your second orgasm this night.  

Jungkook releases his hold on you, helping you lay down on your back after riding out your high to the brick of oversensitivity. His palm caresses the length of your body soothingly, calming you down. You’re eyes are still closed when he bends and kisses you. Surprised by his sudden gentleness, your breath hitches in your throat. He coaxes a small moan out of you when you finally relax, wrapping your arms around his neck blindingly and pulling him close.  

You break away the kiss, feeling his stiff length pressing into your stomach. His cock is covered in your slick, thick and hard against his toned abdomen. Biting your lip, you sit up and enclose your fingers around his sex. Looking up, you're met with his dark orbs watching your movements. With his raven hair falling down on his face and sweaty chest, Jungkook looks painfully beautiful.

He lets out a hiss when you lean down and take him into your mouth, swirling your tongue around his velvet tip. “Fuck, just like that.” he murmurs. Gathering your hair in his hand, he makes a makeshift ponytail and stares down at you bringing him closer and closer to the edge with every drag of your pink muscle on his cock.  

Feeling him twitch in your mouth, you take him deeper, ignoring the ache in your jaw. “Gonna cum.” Jungkook grunts and moments later he releases his seed down your throat. You swallow the bitterness of his arousal, lapping your tongue around his tip until he pulls out of you, wincing with oversensitivity.

Silence takes over the room. You don't dare looking at him, staring at your naked lap instead, thoughts screaming in your head. You know you’re going to feel the aftermath of your rough fucking tomorrow, and it won’t be only physical pain. You sit up, ready to go to the bathroom but a hand on your wrist stops you.

“Wait, I’ll do it.” Jungkook murmurs and you nod absentmindedly.

He gets up from the bed and disappears in the bathroom. Unsure of what to do, you force your muscles to move, sitting at the edge of the bed. Jungkook comes back a minute later, carrying a dump towel.

Your head drops to the ground immadietly. He kneels before you and you desperately avoid his eyes. You notice he’s put on his boxers already and now he’s cleaning you gently off, removing evidences of your sins from your skin. You will take a shower later, the water will wash you off from each other’s scents and lingering touches. Love bites will soon disappear, bruises on your hips fade. Yet the scars you left on your hearts won’t heal that easily.

Jungkook puts his hand on your knee and you bite your bottom lip. He takes your hoodie lying on the floor and puts on your naked, marked body. Your heart clenches in your chest at the simple gesture.

“___,” he calls your name. At that, you finally look up at him. He seems worried, you must tell, millions of thoughts crossing his mind at the moment as well as yours. “Let’s go to sleep for now, okay? We will talk about this in the morning.”  

You don’t say anything, nodding at his words. You crawl onto the bed, trying to create as much distance as possible between your bodies but it’s pointless. You feel his breath on your neck and you're sure his itching to hold you, but he doesn’t know if he should, so he stays mere inches from you, until you both eventually fall asleep.

Jungkook wakes up hours later with a raging headache. He grunts to himself, rubbing his face with grimace and making another meaningless promise about drinking less alcohol. When he open his eyes, he realises he’s staring at the fluorescent stars attached to the ceiling. Your ceiling.

When he turns his head to the left, he finds the other side of the bed empty. It’s almost bright in the room, which means he’s stayed overnight again. And he didn’t do just that.  

Bits of memories flash behind his eyelids: him coming to your flat to hang out, your conversation, the kiss that led to naked bodies and breathy moans. He fucked up royally this time.  

Throwing the comforter off his body, he feels a sudden rush of coldness raising goosebumps on his skin. Frowning, he picks up his discarded clothes from the floor and starts putting them on. The door to your bedroom are cracked open, just like you haven’t closed them to not wake him up.  

Jungkook raises from the bed once he’s fully dressed, and pushes the door. He finds you standing by the fully opened window in your kitchen, staring outside.

He understands now why there was so cold before. The fluffy, blueish robe wrapped around your body is probably doing little job at providing warmth, but you don’t seem to mind it at all. You don’t see him yet, your back facing him until he takes another step and the floor creaks underneath his weight.  

He sees your shoulders raising and falling, as if you’ve just let out a sigh. Then, you turn around cautiously, a greish puffs of smoke swirling over your features. Jungkook raises a brow.

“I thought you said you had quit.” It’s the first thing he says, his voice still groggy from sleeping.

You shrug at that, averting your gaze to the view behind your opened window again. “I always smoke after making a bad decision.”  

It sounds bitter coming from you. A testament of your recklessness and weak hearts. He could read the regret straight from your face. It’s all in your posture: you look broken. And he is the reason why you’re hurting. The guilt is almost eating him up from the inside. He needs to try fixing this before you will push him away and he’ll lose you again.

“I think we should forget about that.” you speak after a moment of silence, still refusing to meet his eyes. Your voice trembles and he feels it stabbing him right in the middle of his chest, depriving him of hope to make things good between you. “It’ll be for the better for of us if we act like nothing ever happened. We got drunk, we let our emotions get the best of us. That’s all.”  

You and him both know it wasn’t just  alcohol which made you let him touch you like that, fuck your worries away for a few bits of pleasant oblivion. It meant so much more but you’re too afraid to confront this. You aren’t ready yet.

When you close the window and finally look at him, Jungkook's shoulders are slouched. Defeated. Something aches in your heart at that. “I’m sorry. For everything,” he tells you. He’s clenching his fists by his sides and you know he’s hurting too, more than he could ever let anybody realize. “I should get going then.”  

He exits the kitchen with one last, small smile reserved only for you. You didn't mean to handle the situation like that, like you’re quickly ripping off the band-aid, but you couldn’t think of a better way. Closing your eyes, you let your emotions decide once again. “Wait,” you call out after him, stepping into the hallway. “Maybe you will stay for breakfast.” you propose and Jungkook shakes his head.

“No. It’s okay. I don’t want to keep you busy.” he says, putting on his jacket. Reaching for the handle, he turns to you and smiles. “Take care, ___.” When the door close behind him, you let out a long exhale.  

What Jeon Jungkook couldn’t predict, is that he will be the one doing walk of shame out of your flat.

[kanmom51]

JM JK timeline.- my observations how they grew over the years

2017 - Part 4

Disclaimer: these are my own opinions and conclusions.  Feel free to disagree, but hate or aggression will be unacceptable.

16-17 November 2017 BTS interviews in the US. JM sneezes and JK thinks it’s so adorable.

18 November 2017?

Can’t seem to find the original interview, but I think it was done same day as the BTS Tease 2017 American Music Awards Performance, E! Red Carpet & Award Shows interview.

This is where we find out that JK loves to take photos of sky and JM (people)…

JK doesn’t point a finger at JM, just signs with his hand in JM’s direction.  But  RM automatically looking at JM as JK signs in that direction makes things pretty clear as to JK’s meaning, as if we didn’t know...

19 November 2017 – KRBE AMA’s backstage interview – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fwSuGBU5R4 . Band members asked who’s the best with the ladies.  JK turns towards RM and asks: “V”?, but RM and V point to JK, who is all flustered.  JM smiling uncomfortably.  It was actually a heart breaking moment for me.  

19 November 2017 AMA’s interview – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfHZYgNgHVU . JK playing with JM’s jacket.  JM hints for him to stop, but JK keeps doing it, so JM finally kind of snaps at him to stop but JK needs to continue to touch JM. JM softens up after and pulls JK forward to talk.

19 Nov 2017 Zach Sang backstage AMA interview - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STLDAdhuLzc .

Not so big, but still an honourable mention from me.  At the start of the interview JM, who is standing directly behind Hobi (V is standing behind JK), had one hand on Hobi’s shoulder and another hand on JK’s shoulder. Having a hand on JK is not because he is closest to him.  Not the obvious solution to place his hands in that situation. That would be two hands on Hobi, just like later on in the interview V places both his hands on JK’s shoulders.  It was just something I noticed and found interesting.

JM and JK are clearly in love and attracted to each other.  JM is also JK’s anchor, his calming waters.  But they are also super professional, always were.

So why do we get so much content during these interviews?  I mean, isn’t it something they are trying to hide, and if they were professional why can’t they keep their hands to themselves?  

We need to remember that the boys have to sit or stand for hours upon hours on end doing interview after interview, like an interview conveyor belt.  They are tired, worn out, so much so, that at some point their guard is let down.  They will turn to each other for comfort or support or will say or do something impulsive, that they otherwise wouldn’t have done.  That’s when we usually get to enjoy our famous interview Jikook moments.  

20 November 2017 BTS post AMA’s night party Vlive - https://www.vlive.tv/video/49001 .

Remember tipsy JK?  Tipsy JK is the best, right?  

The way he behaves in this Vlive you would think he is outright drunk.

Now, I know that towards the end of the live, when the members want to make a toast, JK does mention he cannot drink in the US, but if he really wasn’t drinking, why do the other members call him ‘loose’?  Maybe he had a sip or two or three or more off camera???

Drunk on alcohol or drunk on adrenaline, whatever it is, he lacks inhibition.  

He is constantly looking to JM.  The members start talking about how they felt during the performance.  And here ‘happy’ JK flies into action.  He says “I wasn’t that nervous.  Do you know why?”

JM asks why, and J-hope grabs JM’s shoulder, telling him “don’t ask him”, knowing full well this isn’t something we should be hearing from a JK lacking inhibitions.  

JM turns to the camera smiling and tells us: “let’s say that he wasn’t nervous at all”, to be followed by Suga telling JK: “you’re too loosened”, and RM saying: “he lacks sincerity”.  

Drunk or not, alcohol or adrenaline, it doesn’t really matter.   Either way, the members are trying to silence him, afraid of what he might say.

At this point they try to move on, only that JK hasn’t finished, and he goes right back to not being nervous.  He says: “the reason I wasn’t nervous was…”, looking JM in the eye and puts his hand on JM’s shoulder.  He leans back and JM claps his hands and says: “I see”, and starts laughing.  

At this point you see JK realises he literally put his foot in it, lowers his head and JM pulls his T-shirt laughing.

So, then JK tries to fix it, saying “because of Army”.  Yeah JK, we believe you.  You seem to be really sincere, I mean, your band mates are really buying it too… 

Tipsy-like JK, I love him.

21-24 November 2017. I said I wouldn’t do it.  I promised I wouldn’t do it.  I just couldn’t help myself.  Please accept my apologies in advance, but I just couldn’t leave these photos JM uploaded to Twitter out.  I mean, how could I leave out JM’s uploading JK photographs of ‘Sky’ & ‘People’???  That just wouldn’t be right.

Run BTS episode 28, released end November 2017 – JM dressing up JK with his style of clothing.  The members reactions when JM threw the rose and it fell behind JK.  JK and JM were pretty pleased.  JK loved modelling JM’s clothes, also loved making JM laugh by imitating him as a model.

2 December 2017 MMA’s.  Pulling JK to the front to talk when receiving the award, JM moving from Hobi’s side to stand by JK.  The closeness, the looks.  Walking off stage side by side.  

Same day as the very famous clip, when JK sitting behind JM, and JM turns back to him, while JK is singing “I remember our first kiss, I close my eyes whenever I can and go to the farthest place”.  Both being watched by Jin, who smirks, but when remembers there’s a camera, becomes serious again.

9 December 2017. JK & JM Vlive.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GA9VjPylgDA .

Someone please get the fire extinguisher, because JK’s heart is burning.  The level of flirtatious behaviour, I might need the extinguisher for myself.  

When showing the group photo fan JK says how Hobi looks attractive, only for JM to ask “what about me?”  Of course JK agrees he is handsome too.  

This is how those two behave when they are not alone in the room!!  I mean… You just can’t put those two together for a live.  If this is what happens when they are not alone, what would happen if they were alone in the room (NJ live 2019 Ahem)…  

9-10 December 2017 Wings tour last concerts in Seoul.  JK being bold.

What I left out:  

This year is filled with so much content, I just couldn’t put it all in, so there a so many cute moments I have left out. Also, Twitter (ahem, some at least), some stage flirtation, including JK’s full attention on JM when speaking, not every hug or touch.

I now know that matching outfits has much significance in SK culture.  I didn’t know that when I first had that gut feeling JM and JK were involved. As far as I am concerned, there is enough content even without addressing this subject, so this too I left out.

 After JM and JK get back from their trip they seem even closer, if that was possible.  They also seem a bit bolder.  I mean GCFT people, if that is not boldness I don’t know what is.

I thought 2016 was a plentiful year?  Well 2017 surpassed it by miles and miles.  The amount of content with the two is enormous.  So much so, that there is so much I did not add to my timeline, just because I felt it was too much already.  

The abundance in content, to me, is a sign not only of the two getting closer, but also getting louder. Allowing themselves to be seen. This relative new freedom would probably be a result of not only the growth of the strength of their bond, but also, in my opinion, them ‘coming out’ to the group, and most probably, at least by the end of the year, to the most important members of their production team.  

This allows them freedom to act more as themselves with the members and production team, while also relying on the latter to ‘hide’ what needs to be hidden, if necessary, and to protect them, sometimes even from themselves. Even if they didn’t all out ‘come out’ to the staff around them, well, by then I think they either more or less know what’s going on, or were turning a blind eye to it. Whichever is true, at the end of the day it didn’t matter.  They are all bound by non-disclosure agreements, and would not dare to leak anything they might have seen.  

I also believe that the boys, mostly, have a very good relationship with the staff, and as such, none of them would do anything that could potentially really hurt not only JK and JM, but the group as a whole.

JK and JM, by the end of 2017 are finding their groove.  There is less pushing and pulling noticeable.  They are madly in love and are finding their pace.  

  To be continued…

[j0ne-jjk]

Chasing that High

Fandom: BTS  Pairing: MinKook (Jimin and Jungkook) Rating: Mature

Warnings: M/M, PWP, established relationship, bottom Jimin, top Jungkook, very slight rough treatment (consentual), slight breath play, standing sex, anal fingering, anal sex, cumming untouched, it is safe sex though!, JK is sweet and soft afterward

Note: This was originally based on a piece of BTS fan art that a friend shared with me. She had found it on Pinterest, but was unable to find the original artist. After doing some digging, I discovered that it was not fan art, but actually an original piece by a Japanese mangaka and video game artist. The artist’s profile clearly stated that their art was not to be reposted or used in any way, even with proper credit. Of course I wanted to show respect to the original artist, so I did not include the piece.  Please also note: my friend had no idea of this originally, since the piece was found on Pinterest. 

Keep reading under the cut...

“K-Kookie… be-be careful!” Jimin stuttered out as his chest was pushed against the cold wall of the dark bathroom. His small hands scrabbled for purchase on the smooth tile as he offered a half-hearted protest at the rough treatment. “Jungkook-ah, the jacket. It’s borrowed,” Jimin whined, “what if the w-wall is d-dirty?” His black slacks and boxers had been hastily undone and pushed down just below the swell of his ass, belt hanging by his thigh. Jungkook gripped tightly on the smaller man’s hip with one hand, the other had three fingers slick with lube, knuckle-deep in Jimin’s tight heat. The maknae smirked, mouthing wetly at Jimin’s neck before asking, “D’you think you’re ready for me? I think you’re stretched enough.” He punctuated his question with one last jab at the sensitive spot deep inside Jimin. Jerking at the sudden jolt of pleasure, Jimin gasped, nodding furiously, “yes, yes please Kookie. Need you inside m-me.” The others were probably looking for them, but neither man cared. They were desperate to chase their post-concert high for as long as they could. Jimin loved this - he begged Jungkook to be rough with him after shows; to take him somewhere in the venue and manhandle him. As the younger man removed his fingers, Jimin whimpered at the empty feeling, canting his hips back slightly. Jungkook’s breath stuttered as he rolled the condom on and gave himself a few tugs with his lube-covered hand. One of Jungkook’s hands spread Jimin’s ass, exposing his most private area. Jimin felt the dull tip of Jungkook’s cock press against his entrance, shuddering in anticipation. “Okay Jimin-ssi, ready?” the younger man teased, voice strained. At Jimin’s noise of consent, Jungkook pressed inside, not stopping until the front of his pelvis was flush with Jimin’s plump ass. They were still for a mere moment, before Jimin wriggled, gasping out a desperate, “Kookie, move!” The younger man wasted no time, grabbing at small hips and moving his own at a deep, steady pace. Jungkook leaned forward, using his wide chest to press Jimin even closer to the wall, forcing the breath out of him, the heat from their bodies magnified by their matching stage outfits. His warm breath tickled Jimin’s ear, “so good for me, yeah? Always taking my big cock so well. You think I can make you cum without touching your pretty cock, Jimin-ssi?” Jimin’s hole clenched and he let out a high-pitched whine in response as the maknae increased his pace. Jungkook gripped Jimin’s hips even tighter, allowing him to lift the smaller man slightly and angle his hips upward. Jimin was forced onto his tiptoes and was about to protest when Jungkook slammed back in, this new angle allowing the tip of his cock to strike directly on the bundle of nerves deep inside. Jimin wailed, hands slapping at the tile wall, pink cock twitching in response to the pleasure. “There it is,” Jungkook hummed, licking along Jimin’s neck, “let go, baby. Let me make you cum.” All Jimin could do was whine in response, his abused prostate dominating his thoughts. Through the fog of arousal, he could hear the clink of his belt against the wall and the slap of Jungkook’s balls on his ass. His hole began to clench as a familiar heat pooled low in his abdomen, his orgasm nearing. Sensing Jimin’s high approaching, Jungkook pressed him even closer to the wall, making Jimin gasp for breath. The shock of having the air forced out of his chest coupled with a particularly hard jab at his prostate had Jimin cumming with a broken shout, white ropes of cum splattering on the wall and running onto the floor. Jungkook wasn’t far behind, cumming with a low growl. After cleaning up Jungkook made an attempt at putting their stage outfits back together. Jungkook pulled Jimin into a tight hug, eyes wide and voice soft, “you okay, jagiya? I wasn’t too hard on you? Wasn’t too rough or mean?” The maknae gently tousled Jimin’s sweaty hair before picking him up, bridal style. “No Jungkookie, you were perfect. Just like always,” Jimin giggled before yawning cutely, “you know this is how I unwind after concerts. Thank you baby.” The two smiled and shared a deep kiss before Jungkook set his hyung down as if he were made of porcelain. They left the bathroom and headed down the corridor to find the rest of the team, sated and content. 

[sevlgi]

I need u

requested: yes

group: blackpink

pairing: rosé x fem!reader

genre: angst

contents: pyromaniac!reader, based on bts hyyh universe. [26/33]

warnings: fire, mental health issues, mentions of abuse, death, mild violence, suicide attempt

synopsis: Rosé would be nothing without your fire, but what happens when she’s the one who has to rescue you from it?

a/n:  DISCLAIMER BEFORE YOU READ: this is not meant to portray a healthy relationship in any way. this is based off of a music video, the HYYH series to be exact, and is not meant to reflect how I think rosé would act. PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNING

word count: 1.7k

Before she met you, Chaeyoung didn’t think she was missing anything.

Sure, she knew that it wasn’t exactly normal to be so indifferent about everything, to not feel an ounce of passion for a single thing in her life. 

As soon as you first blazed into her life, though, it all became so much clearer. There was so much fire behind your eyes, the intensity of your feelings fueling you in an incredible explosion that was too close to burning you up for comfort. Where she was calm and level-headed, you were impulsive, the fervor you felt for your dreams the direct opposite of her slow pace.

And suddenly, she felt things that she had never had before. Chaeyoung finally experienced the butterflies she read about, something that might even be called love.

Either way, she was fascinated by everything about you. Your fires and your storms, your passions and your anger, everything that formed the blazing light that illuminated her darkness.

She needed you-- Chaeyoung knew that she was nothing without you. Without your fire, she was just a trickling stream, cool and silent in a way that no one would miss.

But slowly, that intensity to you began to scare her. The sheer passion you held burned you up from the inside out, too much fuel and not enough time or room to contain it. The calluses on your hands from playing piano in the middle of the night became the imprint of a lighter’s ridge, the excitement you felt at mastering a new piece becoming fury at the world around you.

You didn’t seem to love anymore, only hate. And that meant you didn’t love her anymore, which was what scared Chaeyoung the most.

Because she needed you, and you were burning up like the last sparks of a bonfire in the last night of summer.

“Does it hurt?”

Shrugging to hide her wince when you touched the bruise on her cheek, Chaeyoung assured you, “It doesn’t. Promise.”

It did nothing to quell the anger furrowing your brow, but you sighed and turned back to the cloudy gray sky, legs swinging over the side of the trailer. Below the two of you, the sounds of your friends playing echoed, scaring away the crows perched opposite you. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? What for?” the lavender-haired girl asked, her hand cold compared to your warm one. “It’s not your fault.”

“It might not be,” you agreed, reaching over to brush some hair out of Chaeyoung’s eyes. Somehow, you were unaware of the effect you had on her. “But I still hate it. There’s just so much wrong with the world around us.”

Chaeyoung huffed out a breath through her nose, crossing her legs. “Don’t say that, Y/N. Aren’t you always the one telling me to see the brightness of things?”

Frowning, you got the lighter out of your pocket again, your thumb rolling over the ridge mindlessly. “Yeah. But I was wrong whenever I told you that, Rosie. You can’t believe that. Just look at your face- strangers did that to you, just for bumping into them.”

“It’s not their fault,” she tried, watching as the hem of your jacket was nearly singed. “They were angry. You’re angry, too, don’t try to tell me you wouldn’t hit someone if you were mad enough.”

You looked over to her disbelievingly. “I wouldn’t. God, Chaeyoung, who do you think I am? I wouldn’t hit someone, never mind you, not unless they hit me first.”

“Good.”

After some silence between the two of you, you began flicking at the lighter again, the clicks louder than they should’ve been almost a story above the ground. “We should leave someday.”

“Leave?” Chaeyoung cocked her head at you, tapping a stray rock she found on the blue-painted metal of the trailer’s roof. “What, all of us? To where, Y/N? Where would we go that would accept us?”

Sprawling out on the roof, despite all the dead leaves and dirt surrounding you, you watched the clouds go by and sighed. “I don’t know. All I know is that none of us can stay here, jagiyah. Seoul, maybe, or somewhere else in the world. Your English is good, we can survive.”

She let out a breathless laugh, scooting back so that you could lay your head on her thigh. Plucking the lighter out of your hand, she blew the fire out and tossed it aside. “Maybe. Would we go to America?”

“Where do you want to go?” You squinted up at her, the sky reflected in your eyes. “I’ll go anywhere you and the others want to.”

“What about Australia?” Chaeyoung giggled. “I’ve always liked their accents.”

“Australia, then,” you agreed, smiling up at her. It was moments like this that she would forever treasure, just talking about the possibilities of the future with you. No matter how hopeless it was, you had each other to brave through all of it, and it was enough to make her want to keep going.

Jennie appeared from below the trailer, her hands steady on the railing leading up. “What about Australia?” she grinned, Lisa hitting her from behind to make her go faster. “Yah, Lisa!”

“Y/N, stop it!”

Chaeyoung grasped futilely at you as you shattered a glass bottle on the concrete stairs leading up to your bedroom, screaming out as the spray of leftover alcohol hit you. With a shove, all the empty bottles on top of your dresser smashed to the floor, your unhealthy coping methods creating an even larger mess to have to clean up.

She rushed at you, arms wrapping around you in an attempt to stop you from doing anything else you’d regret. You only laughed and swayed, your girlfriend’s hands digging harder into your back. “Let go, Rosie.”

“No, not until you stop,” she panted, feeling her eyes sting as she squeezed. “Please-”

Once you found that your struggling was futile, your hands shot out, pushing at Chaeyoung’s stomach hard enough to slam her into the wall away from you. She gasped, even though it didn’t really hurt, sliding to the floor as you stumbled away. “Told you to let me go,” you snapped, stumbling over your own two feet as you backed away.

Desperation hit her, desperation to bring you out of your alcohol-induced fit, and she lunged forward, her hand bracing on your chest before her fist connected with your face.

There wasn’t much power behind the hit, but under the influence, you collapsed onto the stairs next to the remaining shards of glass, coughing out as you felt blood on the corner of your mouth. Chaeyoung hauled you up, her hands fisting in your shirt as she begged, “Come back, Y/N. Please, I need you.”

“You need me?” Once again, the sheer fury in your eyes was scaring her, seeming somehow cold in all its blazing glory. “Yeah, well, you’ll have to live without me. I’m gone, Chaeyoung, I’m leaving. I’m leaving this-- this shitty town, and you’re coming with me.”

The lavender-haired girl practically sobbed out, “I’m not! I’m still in school, Y/N, I can’t go without you. Don’t do this to me, please.”

Instead of a response, you twisted hard, flinging Chaeyoung onto the couch by the stairs and walking off. “Y/N! Jagiyah, don’t-”

The door slammed behind you, and she could only stare up at the ceiling to push down the boiling tears welling behind her eyes.

Where did it all go so wrong?

The lighter was warm from how long you had held it, an imprint of the switch seemingly permanent in the side of your thumb.

Your initials and your girlfriend’s were scratched in the cheap plastic; every time you bought a new one, you did the same thing. Recently, you’d started using the dull knives you could find in motels and other places.

After the day you threatened to leave, you were evicted. That made it easier than it ever had been to just up and leave, the only possessions you owned being the flannel Chaeyoung lent you and the clothes on your back, but for some reason, you stayed.

She had just graduated the night before, and you had asked her to finally go with you. Even Lisa was ready to leave, and all it took was Chaeyoung coming to your motel room.

Glancing over at the clock, you sighed, realizing that it was 4 hours past when she said she’d arrive. The plan was to pick her up, then go to Jisoo’s, where you could steal her brother’s car and leave, but that didn’t seem to be in the cards any longer.

Hauling yourself up, you seized the open tub of kerosene, splashing it all over the room. It soaked the sheets, the rugs, until your bare feet were wet with the liquid where you stood. Alcohol, anything that could be burned- you poured it all over the room and yourself, staring at the blank screen of your phone. I’m so sorry, Chaeyoung.

The lighter thudded to the floor and orange light lit up the room.

“Shit,” the girl gasped when she saw the smoke billowing out the window of what she knew to be your hotel room. Her bags were dropped to the floor as she pulled out her phone and charged for the motel, banging the door open faster than she needed to.

“Excuse me, young- hey!”

Chaeyoung ignored the receptionist yelling at her, turning the corner onto the stairs as she called the fire department. “H-hi, there’s a fire. Yes, in the motel on the corner of Main, please get here as fast as you can!”

She kicked your door open, gasping when she found you lying on the bed amidst the flames. Covering her face with the sleeve of her jacket, she rushed in, shaking you. “Y/N, get up. Y/N!”

The lighter, she realized, was on the floor. That couldn’t have been a mistake- you never let it out of your sight.

Either way, she looped her arms underneath yours, struggling to pull you out without touching any of the flames. “Come on, Y/N,” she groaned, hissing when she stepped right by the fire.

“I need you.”

[arieswonjin]

my go-to (barista/cafe au)

pairings: goo jungmo x reader

genre: fluff, enemies(?) to lovers if you squint

summary: dealing with customers has never been your favorite part of being a barista. especially customers like goo jungmo. and now you have to train him to become one? that’s just great. 

word count: 3.2k

warnings: none

song inspo: 커피를 마시고 coffee - reprise

masterlist | request here! | how to request |

"sir, may i ask if you’re going to order or not? you can step aside first if-"

"wait, wait. how different is the iced latte from the iced caramel latte?" says the man while still looking up at the menu overhead, lips parted, eyes squinted, and hands on the side of his neck, mid-scratch. you tapped the cash register impatiently and took note of how his sharp jaw moved as he scrutinized the menu. was it possible to hate someone at first sight? he was only your first customer of the day yet your blood was already boiling. either finals season was getting to you or this guy had a knack for testing your patience.

you walked to your part-time job every day at the break of dawn just in time for you to see most of the commercial establishments opening. people were going about their own mornings preferring to be undisturbed, you included. earphones in, you savored the few peaceful moments you had to yourself before the chaos of a morning shift.

more often than not, your shifts were totally and utterly uninteresting: you would be prepping ingredients to be used for the rest of the day and office employees or the occasional student running late for a 7 am class would be walking in and out to get their morning fix. there was also a bunch of cleaning left for you. the night-shift employee was simply not thorough enough to distinguish which mop to use for the spills. to this, you did your first of many eye-rolls for the day.

that being said, you weren’t exactly the most patient among your colleagues; however, the laid-back atmosphere this friendly neighborhood cafe had when it was not teeming with customers around the early afternoon almost made you forget about your subtle hatred for human interaction.

but today, as you started your shift at 6 am in the morning with your eyes barely open and a man who has been standing in front of you for more than three minutes, you remembered just why.

"well, sir, obviously, the caramel latte...has caramel." you had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes at the stupid question, whispering the better part of your sentence to mask your tone. but as they all say, the customer is always right. what a nonsensical saying.

"give me a second. i’ll just call a friend to ask what to order here.”

to your distaste, the older male leisurely took his phone out from his brown coat and scrolled through his contacts like he had all the time in the world. oh, if he could only hear your inner thoughts.

“wait-” he flashed you a friendly smile while fumbling with the gadget. “hey, serim-hyung-"

the man flinched, almost too dramatically, when you placed both your palms on the counter with just the right amount of force to shake its contents. he expected to see you fuming but instead saw the softest expression on your face which, frankly, was scarier.

"one caramel latte, hot, with an extra shot of espresso and a pump of dark chocolate for?"

"goo jungmo." he replied, suddenly alert, phone still pressed to his ear. the dull sounds of a confused friend on the other line now went unnoticed.

"...goo jeonmo. coming right up," you punched in the order while holding a fake smile that started to hurt your cheeks and exhaled a breath you didn't know you’ve been holding. breathe, y/n, this will be a fine morning. he’ll be out of here in just a few minutes.

“it's actually goo jung-"

"5,000 won, please." you extended your palm to him without making eye-contact.

jungmo just stared at your hand for a few seconds, still dazed with your outburst. could that even be considered an outburst? how strange. "oh. here." and it just started to sink in that you practically made his order for him.

"hey, i didn't ask for a-" he leaned in to take a peek at the monitor, ready to protest against the sudden turn of events. all he wanted was to get a new kind of morning coffee at this new place before walking to the university, yet it seemed like the way you two met was enough to shake the morning drowsiness out of the both of you.

"it's good. it’s my go-to. consider it a secret special," you said nonchalantly and turned the monitor away from him. you handed him the receipt and gestured him towards the claiming counter. "next customer, please."

jungmo slowly slid to the side as he placed his hands inside his pockets. he just shook his head, trying to wipe away the amused smile he now unconsciously had on his face while thinking about the humor in this encounter.

“oh shoot. sorry, hyung. did i wake you? my bad... but i guess you have to get up now, huh?” he laughed mischievously, getting back to the phone call left unattended a few moments ago. “oh, it was nothing! i’ll tell you about it later. it’s funny, really.”  

with a quick glance at your nameplate, he started to think about what other interesting encounters would take place in this cafe in the following mornings. maybe he just found his new pre-class route.

the rest of the week was uneventful to say the least. your encounter with the unrealistically good-looking yet annoyingly slow customer was now far forgotten. as per usual, university kept you busy outside of work.

you’ve always thought your part-time job jived well with your college degree. after all, there’s nothing like the scent and taste of coffee to keep a pre-med student awake in front of their brick-like pathophysiology books. all those extra shots of espresso and doses of dark chocolate are enough to keep your eyes open and your mind running for countless all-nighters.

and that was exactly what you were planning to do tonight. clad in your most comfortable sweater which replaced your coffee-stained apron, a cold drink in hand, you made your way to the haneul university library.

seoul started and ended its day just like any other famous metropolis. jungmo observed this everyday as his feet took him to where he needed to be like it's second nature. but that one wednesday when he broke his routine and entered a new side-street cafe, his morning became unlike any other stroll to the university and he was sure to go back.

for two very unexpected reasons.

first, because he was surprisingly offered a part-time job (a funny coincidence. who would’ve thought the cafe owner was his father’s high school bandmate?) and second, well, because he found himself craving your go-to drink. that genius mix really got to him. and to think that he didn’t even order it himself.

he pondered dropping by the cafe before his first day of barista training tomorrow as he stood up to exit the university library. jungmo just spent most of the evening finishing a 10-page world history paper, his last agenda for the day.

“agh… my back hurts.” he stretched before grabbing his jacket and the last of his things from the study table.

“y/n? the book you were looking for was just returned here,”

jungmo involuntarily snapped his head towards the front desk, reacting to the name called out by the resident librarian. he scratched his neck in confusion as he looked for the source of the voice.

“ah, thank you. i’ll take this,”

so it’s really that y/n from the cafe? he followed you with his eyes as you walked back to the library table that you were occupying alone. jungmo, his mouth frozen in a small ‘o’ at yet another coincidence, might just have a change of evening plans. haneul university was truly full of surprises. and good ones.

“long night?”

you abruptly looked up from the stack of notes you were studying intently, unable to properly respond to jungmo’s small talk. nonetheless, the look of recognition on your face was enough to urge him to continue.

“one caramel latte, with an extra shot of espresso and a pump dark chocolate for y/n. but you seem to be having it iced now?” he looked over at the drink on top of your desk, trying to use his wide smile to start a conversation. it’s how people almost always immediately warmed up to the charming and childlike goo jungmo. he silently hoped you were not an exception, even if he straight up just mocked your lines.

“you study here?” you asked when you recovered from the sudden greeting, if you could even call it that.

“well, obviously, i do.” jungmo mocked you again, all in good fun. he successfully replicated the tone you used with him during your not-so-pleasant cafe encounter.

you sighed in defeat. you really did feel sorry for the way you acted. it was a good thing you still even had your job. “i’m sorry for how i acted that morning. i guess it was the stress getting to me. jeonmo, right?”

“goo jungmo, actually.” he laughed, finally succeeding in correcting the mistaken name at which you just facepalmed in embarrassment. “no worries. i was really slow, wasn’t i?” he scratched the back of his head, a tinge of realization crossing his facial expression. you nodded with pursed lips.

“but hey, at least i got three good things out of that morning in bt cafe.” he casually sat on the chair next to you and pulled up three fingers, counting down while he spoke. “the drink was good, and i got a new job there, and...”

“wait, you’re the new recruit i have to teach?! you know i have to work nights now, right?”

maybe it was the way he sat down beside you so comfortably or how adorably foolish he looked with that habitual scratch to the neck, but holding a casual conversation with this jungmo wasn’t hard at all. the first impressions my 6 am-self created are really unreliable.

“you make it sound so sketchy. it’s a cafe job, not some underground cult.”

you rolled your eyes at his joke and scoffed, internally thanking the heavens for his humor that’s making this sudden interaction so light-hearted. he waved the previous statement off and continued. “turns out bt cafe stands for boys in trouble, my father’s band back in high school.”

“your father is mr. kim’s bandmate?! he talks endlessly about his band phase!”

“shhh!” both of you bowed to the librarian who was peering at you through the shelves on your far-left.

“best bandmate, mind you. it’s the reason why i picked up some guitar skills growing up.” jungmo gets immersed in your now-hushed conversation, making himself lean back on the library chair despite not having any work to do. you did the same, unconsciously leaning in to hear more about your boss.

your pending tasks were left undone for the meantime and you and jungmo were subjected to about three more glares from the librarian that night.

night 1: bt cafe

the training starts.

“coffee beans. they all look the same.” now wearing an apron identical to the one you had, jungmo stood in front of the cafe pantry trying to decipher the coffee beans you’ve been introducing to him without their respective labels.  

“that’s what amateurs always say,” you teased. from the previous night, you already established how fun it was to see his reactions to even the smallest attempts to irritate him. it was a good thing trainings took place in the early evenings when you actually had the energy for a bit of fun.

“well, i am an amateur. that’s why you’re teaching me, sunbae.” jungmo jabbed back and followed you around the main counter, hands clasped together as he tried to act like a cute and enthusiastic junior.

you pretended to cringe and broke in laughter when he whined. “back to the coffee beans…”

night 7: bt cafe

within a week, jungmo got the hang of working the bulky and stubborn espresso machine. he has yet to produce a perfectly good batch without burning himself, though.

“i’m surprised you even have the time for a part-time job, pre-med.”

“i could say the same to you, mr. pilot. don’t you have plane diagrams to memorize--ow! that’s hot!” you retreated from the hot cup he was handing to you.

“shit, did I burn you?” jungmo instinctively took your hand and started to look for any redness and swelling, turning your hand over in his. “where does it hurt?”

“.....i’m okay.” you looked up at the much taller male and slowly slid away, finding the sudden proximity quite foreign.

“a baristas hands are precious. let me get a cold towel,”

you followed his retreating figure with your eyes, noting how easily he blended in with the rest of the cafe, apron and all. with a shake of your head and a repressed smile, you might have just thought about calling him cute.

night 10: bt cafe

“....then, after that you just let the coffee drip by itself for about 15-20 minutes- yah.”

“hmm?” jungmo straightened up from having his head on his palm, elbows against the counter. “sorry. you kinda looked...cute...when you were focused.” he said softly without making eye-contact as he mimicked the coffee drip set-up you just made. he realized that it was a weird feeling, suddenly being timid like this.

“tch. focus.” you turned your back to place some ingredients back on their shelves, taking this opportunity to smile and recollect yourself before going back to watching jungmo’s progress.

night 14: university grounds

"you really don't have to bring me these to track your progress..." you saw jungmo waiting outside the biology laboratory for the third time this week, thermos clutched in hand. a few days ago, he insisted on buying his own coffee drip set to get some practice at home. talk about being thoughtfully extra.

"i mean, yeah, we're together every night but you have to see how i do it on my own!"

"shh! people will take that out of context, idiot!" you looked around at the waves of people piling out of the laboratory, worried someone might overhear. jungmo just teased you by wiggling his eyebrows, earning him a smack to the shoulder.

night 20: bt cafe

“yes, y/n, to what do i owe this pleasure of a phone call from you?” jungmo answered his phone after several rings. you were beginning to worry that he got into an accident. why was he so late to his training tonight?

“where are you?”

“i might not come tonight. important presentation tomorrow and we might have to pull an all-nighter. don’t worry! i already told our boss. wait, you’re actually looking for me.”

“i mean, you’ve been coming every night so…”

“y/n misses me.” you almost hear his teasing face through the phone lines. jungmo heard your eyes roll in turn.

“uhm, no, thank you. i’m hanging up.” you put your phone back inside your pocket only to retrieve it after a few seconds when you received a message notification.

don’t worry! i miss you too!

night 30: haneul university library

“agh. how am i ever going to save lives like this?” the sound of resignation in your voice made jungmo look up from his laptop. aside from the regular trainings, you and jungmo have arranged regular study sessions. it’s safe to say that you’ve been spending a good fraction of your week with your fellow haneul student, workmate, and, as it now seems, a special friend.

“you’re keeping me alive just fine, though, doc.” jungmo walked over to your side of the library table and ruffled your hair while your face was still buried in your textbooks. his previous statement went unnoticed. “you should go home early tonight. i’ll take you.” he pulled you up by the arm, shaking you to encourage you to stand up as you grunted.

“thanks, mogu.” 

he just nodded at you with a smile and held out his arm to drape around you while you walked. “let’s go.”

night 40: university garden

“hey, you never told me about the third thing.” you sat on the garden bench, stopping jungmo’s strides and pulling him to sit too.

"hmm?"

“the third good thing you got from that day at the cafe. you got a good drink, got a job and….?” you urged him to continue, expecting the answer to be something trivial. after all, it was something he told you on the first day you properly met. would he even remember what the third thing was?

“that? the third thing is that..." jungmo took his time and pretended to fix his jacket, intentionally stalling until you glared at him.

"....i met you.” the casual tone in his voice and the giggle that accompanied it made it seem like it was something he said everyday.

"liars go to hell. and you're full of cheese."

"but you love cheese." he shrugged. knowing you couldn’t deny this, jungmo stood up and pulled you by the hand, ready to walk you home like what the both of you have gotten used to.

night 50: bt cafe

“so you sold your coffee drip set to wonjin because…?” you were fixing up the last of today’s orders with jungmo waiting beside you to place them on their cup holders.

“i don’t need to make coffee for myself anymore. you speed up my heart just fine throughout the day now.” he secured the cups and held them out to the waiting customer. “come again!”

“goo jungmo.” you turned bright red and hid your embarrassment by slapping jungmo’s arm. “don’t fool around like that.”

“ey. i just confessed, can’t you be a little more accommodating?” jungmo ran to the door and flipped the cafe sign from open to closed. “should i have written it in latte art or something? i like you. would 8 letters fit in that tiny cup?”

“you call that a confession?” this earned the iconic whine from goo jungmo. "hey, idiot!" you called to him from across the empty cafe and scratched your neck like he always did, for effect. "i like you, too."

night 77: bt cafe

“shift’s over. what are you doing?” you leaned on the counter to take a peek at what jungmo was doing. there were no customers anymore so you were wondering what was keeping him so busy.

“one caramel latte, iced, with-“

“—an extra shot of espresso and a pump of dark chocolate...” you continued his sentence, nodding your head in time with the words.

“...for my y/n,” jungmo finished and handed you a cup with both hands. you took it with a playful squint of your eyes. 

you took a sip, keeping your eyes on the expectant jungmo. a moment of silence ensued.

“jungmo. i love you….but-”

“i love you too.” he hurriedly replied without hesitation.

“…but i still make the best version of this.” you smiled victoriously, sticking your tongue out at him before drinking the rest of the latte which you admitted tasted pretty close to your specialty. jungmo just raised his hands up in defeat and proceeded to watch you drink his version of the go-to drink that brought you two together in the first place.

“if i get to see you smile like that, do i really want to get it right?”

[alpacaparkaseok]

7 Secrets Drabbles

The one where Jungkook finds out

This is a Drabble/oneshot based off of my soulmate series “7 Secrets” from the point of view of Jungkook. Namjoon says that Jungkook is the one who originally found out about the soulmates, so I thought it’d be fun to show what happened exactly. Enjoy!

Genre: BTS Soulmate au

Warnings: None as far as I know

Word count: 1.7k 

Song recommendation: “Invisible String” by Taylor Swift

Tapping on the door I wait for a few seconds before peeking my head into the room. Clutching my laptop close to my chest it takes a moment before my eyes adjust to the dimly lit room.

“Oh, hey Jungkook. How’s it going?�� One of the staff on the editing team greets me, shuffling around as he clicks around on his computer. 

 “Hey Ji-hoon. Can I borrow your computer again? My editing program crashed, and I really want to get this done.” I hold up my laptop for emphasis. 

Ji-hoon’s eyes trail over to his screen, nodding absentmindedly while he no doubt gets the program up and running. “Uh, yeah. That’s fine...let me just…” He snaps his fingers when he finishes. “There you go! Just don’t go in and mess up my stuff, alright?” He teases me.

 I’m quick to promise him I won’t do anything of the sort. “Are you going somewhere?” I ask as Ji-hoon grabs his jacket. He nods, edging his way toward the door.

“Yeah, meeting up with some friends for dinner. I just stayed a little later so I could get ahead on some stuff. When you’re finished just save everything and shut it down, alright?” With that, Ji-hoon disappears from sight. 

I sigh, settling down into his chair. My eyes grow wide, getting into the zone as I try my best to get back to the point I was in the editing process before my program decided to kick me out. 

 The hours tick by, and I jump up with a shock as I glimpse the time. 

“Oh no,” I groan. “Jin is going to kill me.” I was supposed to help him with our unit song tonight. He’s probably been waiting for over an hour. 

 Quickly, I save and am in the process of trying to send myself the edited video when something catches my eye. On the bottom right-hand corner of the computer is a sticky note. Clearly in Ji-hoon’s writing, which says, “fix opening credits for ep. 64”. 

I furrow my brow. “What episode is he talking about?” It’s been a while since the 64th episode of Run! BTS. I quickly send off my edited video, leaning back in the chair and rubbing my eyes. 

Editing is a kind of twisted hobby of mine. It’s exhausting, but it’s also the most calming thing in the world to me. Once I manage to sit up again I go to power of the computer. A thought pops up into my head. 

 “Ji-hoon seemed like he was in a rush earlier...I should probably help him fix the opening credits for episode 64 so he doesn’t have to worry about it later. That can be my thanks to him for letting me use his stuff all the time.”

Mumbling to myself has long become a habit, and it’s in moments like these that I completely forget I don’t have an audience to narrate every little thing for. 

Rolling my neck and sending Jin a text apologizing for showing up late, I get to work. Jin will understand, he’d do the same.

It doesn’t take me long to bring the files back up, quickly finding the video again. I double click on it, turning the volume down low and double checking that Ji-hoon isn’t about to barge in here demanding to know what I’m doing. 

 The screen is black for a moment, just the words, “Insert opening credits” showing up before big bold letters spill across the screen. 

 Episode 64 - “Back to school” I hum in acknowledgement, we’ve certainly had plenty of school-related episodes in Run! BTS. However, when the scene that first appears is inside a kitchen that I’m sure I’ve never seen before, I’m wracking my brain, trying to place the episode. 

 Quickly pausing it, I pull up the calendar on my phone. If this was episode 64 of Run it would have been in… February?

“We didn’t film anything in February…” I mumble. “Was this already recorded?” I shrug, pressing play. Maybe I’ll remember it once I watch it through. Shaking off the strange feeling in my stomach that forces me to the edge of my seat, I watch with wide eyes. 

 “Soon-ah?” A whisper comes from the audio, although the owner of the feminine voice is nowhere to be found. “Soon-ah? I’m so sorry, did I wake you up?” Indecipherable mumbles respond. “Oh, ok. I was just wondering, could you maybe help me with the map one more time before I leave? I’m scared that I’ve got it all backwards, and I don’t want to be late for my first class because I’m lost.”

Some more grumbling and loud thumping happen before a girl appears in view. She’s chewing on her lip, clearly nervous about something. Heading toward the kitchen she reaches up for a bowl, map tucked under her arm. Looking directly into the camera she gives a cheery wave despite her obvious nerves. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost the ability to breathe. Or formulate sentences.

“You...you…” The words fall from my lips without my consent. “This is…what is this? Where - who…”

I know who that is. Even though she remains nameless to me for the moment, I know exactly who that is. The girl in the screen continues on, completely clueless to my current predicament. She’s humming to herself, pouring a bowl of cereal. I find myself leaning closer, nearly falling off my chair in the process. 

“Wha- what’s the map for? Where are you going? Is there a map I can use that will lead me to you?” The questions dive off my tongue even though I know the chances of the girl before me turning back to the camera and answering them are slim to none. 

 “Do you want me to bring you food, Soon-ah?” The angel asks, eyes looking down the hallway. I’m pinching myself, fighting the urge to cry out and beg her to turn around again. Look at the camera. Look at me. 

 The girl shrugs when she receives an answer that the audio doesn’t pick up. That’s when I notice the microphone clipped to the girl’s clothes. Somehow, these girls are aware and participating in some sort of show… Why didn’t I know about this? 

 Wait, why am I upset about this?

It’s almost as if she hears my thoughts, because the girl is quick to turn around and remind me of exactly why I should be upset about not knowing about her existence earlier. She returns the box of cereal to where it must be resting beside the camera. Looking into the camera again as though it’s an everyday occurrence, she winks. 

 “I’m starting my first day at the university, so if you’re watching this Jungkook, wish me luck. I’ll do my best not to get lost,” she holds up the map to emphasize just how hard she’s trying to not get lost.

 “You...this is for me? I- good luck!” Too many thoughts are rolling around my head now to really get anything straight, but there is one thought that sticks around. I breathe it out. 

 “I never got my results back.” 

 Hand running through my hair at lightning speed I gulp down as much as my lungs will allow. Suddenly the floor has disappeared from beneath me as I remember with a start going in for soulmate testing. The procedures lasted about a week, and we were told that we would be given our results within a couple of months. Counting in my head I strain to remember when that was. Definitely more than two months. 

 More like three years. 

 While we were told beforehand that most results come back as inconclusive, we were actually never told that’s what happened with our tests. I guess I just assumed as much when we never heard back about it. 

 But there’s this girl in a kitchen hunched over eating cereal and studying a map out with such precious concentration that I can’t help but curse myself for being so young and naive and stupid. I should have demanded an answer. 

 A moment passes before another girl hops into the kitchen, the two of them smiling. “Are you excited? I see you’re back to studying that map.” The new girl asks, stuffing her hands in her hoodie as she begins studying out the contents of the fridge. 

 It’s a BTS hoodie, that much I can see. However, when she finally turns her back to the camera I chuckle. More specifically, it’s a Suga hoodie. 

 “Yeah, I think so. It feels nice to take this next step instead of just…” the girl with the map; my girl, sneaks a look at the camera. My heart stutters at the indirect eye contact. “You know. Waiting.”

I jump as my phone suddenly sounds, hardly able to tear my attention away from the scene in front of me. Quickly pausing it I see Jin’s contact photo taking up the screen of my phone, and I answer it.

“Where are you?” 

 I don’t bother to answer his question as a sob I didn’t realize I was containing rips through me. “Hyung! H-hyung you won’t believe this.”

“Kook where are you? Is everything al-”

“Soulmates, hyung! We have soulmates! And they never told us, they’ve kept them from us, but they’re real and...and mine is going to the university and she’s so nervous and-”

“Jungkook,” Jin breathes out in wonder. “What happened? Where are you?”

I’m already a step ahead of him, quickly exporting the video and sending it to my personal email. There’s no way I’m losing this, not now that I finally know. 

“I’m still at work, I’m on the bottom floor.” My voice still wavers, but it’s growing steadily harder as the fire within me threatens to set everything it touches alfame. Starting with Bang PD. “Just, wait for me, ok? Meet me in the conference room on the second floor. I have something to show you.”

I don’t even wait to hear a response before I’m up, reluctantly closing out of the computer before bolting out the door and up to the second floor. Holding my laptop close to my chest I dial another number, the tears already flowing as I hear his voice. 

 “Hey Kook, what’s-”

“Joon,” I croak out, the tears making my throat close up. “I need you to listen to me, this is important.”

Taglist: @taylorroe3 @mae-musicbitch @agustneeds @eusticenatalie @heartblackerthancoffee

[krreader]

BTS reacting to you having an upset stomach during a date.

pairing: bts x reader fandom: bts warnings: language genre: fluff word count: 1.3k+

a/n: one of these hits home lol, I think those of you who know me will know which one I’m talking about. thank you for your request @yoongifromyesterday

kim seokjin

This was one of your first dates and he didn't know much about you yet.

But for fuck's sake, he at least should have asked what you hated eating before taking out to dinner.

The moment your eyes fell on the first dish was the moment you wished you had told him before, because there was no going back now. Jin had already told you that he'd pay for the entire meal and that you could eat anything without having to worry about the bill, so naturally, now you were thinking you had to eat it, because you didn't want to be rude.

You tried to tell yourself that maybe it would be good and that maybe it would be a new experience.

But guess what?

It wasn't.

You managed to make it till the third course, already having downed one entire bottle of water in hopes of washing down the food and while Jin was telling you something, you suddenly got up and said: “I'm going to be sick.”

Jin was confused for a moment, stared at the food that you had barely touched and then realized what was going on. He thought you acted weird all night long.. now it made sense.

“Crap,” he threw down the napkin and ran after you, obviously not going inside but waiting outside of the bathroom until you left.. and god, you looked like shit, “Why did you eat it when you don't like it?”

“I didn't want to be rude,” you admitted, visibly upset.

“Are you kidding me? (Y/N), you need to be honest with me about these things, your well being is most important,” he sighed and took off his jacket to drape it over your shoulders, “Come, let's go back. I'll order you some soup or tea, that should help..”

He wasn't angry at all.. only with himself that he hadn't paid more attention.

min yoongi

Yoongi had been canceling your date plans for weeks now and now that he was finally free, you had to become sick, huh?

You weren’t sure what it was exactly, but given what happened that night, you would have assumed an issue with your stomach.

You, not knowing when he'd be free the next time, decided to meet up with him anyways, thinking that you could just push through whatever it was that was going on with your body.

News flash, bad idea.

“You know, I really didn't imagine this as one of our first dates,” Yoongi chuckled as he sat down next to you on your bathroom floor, giving you a cup of water after you had just thrown up.

“You can go if this makes you uncomfortable.”

“I'm not leaving you like this.. not until you feel better. Until then, we can just sit here and do nothing,” he shrugged, “I don't mind that anyway.”

You chuckled.

Of course he didn't.

jung hoseok

It was a stupid competition.

A fucking drinking game on one of your first dates, just because you had mocked him by saying he couldn't hold his alcohol and him not standing for that.

Because now neither of you were very happy as you ended up at your apartment, not in bed like you had hoped, but on the freaking bathroom floor.

Hoseok was so tired that it was hard for him to focus, but you throwing up over and over again made him come back to his senses.. at least for a little while.

“Ugh, I hate this,” you whined, placing your head in his lap.

“Next time we should just sleep with each other.. that's a lot more fun.”

“I thought drinking would lead to sex, but,” you looked up at him, both of you snorting, knowing that there would be no action like that tonight, “Yeah.. I figured that too.”

Hoseok let his fingers run through your hair during the rest of the night.. when he wasn't holding it back, that is.

kim namjoon

“Wow, am I dreaming or are you really cooking right now?” Jin entered the kitchen with a laugh.

“It's.. not for me.”

Jin stopped for a second, then his eyes widened, “You have a girl here? Where is she? Can I meet her? Is she pretty?”

“Hyung, stop,” Namjoon sighed heavily, “We.. started going out a few weeks ago and she came over and we wanted to watch a movie or something but now she's feeling really bad and I don't know what to do.”

“What's wrong?”

“She says she's feeling sick. We had dinner earlier, maybe she couldn't stomach some or all of it.”

Jin nodded, then turned his head to the soup, “You stay with her, I'll make her actual soup that will help. I'll text you when it's done and then you can claim that you made it and pretend your a good cook until she figures out for herself that you’re not.”

“Hyung, I love you,” Namjoon was so grateful, immediately going back into his bedroom to cuddle with you until the oldest member of the group was done.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jin sighed, “Just remember that when you pick your best man, Namjoonie.”

park jimin

Having an upset stomach during a date was one thing, it's shitty as it is, but feeling sick when you're making out with your date was even worse. It’s as if you’re saying: ‘You’re doing so bad that I have to throw up, that’s how bad this make-out session is’.

“Hey.. are you okay?” Jimin asked, his voice laced with worry as he tried to get you to look at him. A moment ago you were fine, were enjoying the kiss, but now..

“I don't feel so good,” you took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down, mostly in hopes of not throwing up on his bed.

“Okay, okay, uhm..-” Jimin started to panic himself, but then he got up and carefully pulled you with him, “Let's go to the bathroom, okay?”

You felt so uncomfortable, this was only your third date, you had just made out and this was the result?

But Jimin didn't hold it against you. He stayed by your side all night long, even ended up running you a bath when you felt a little better and then waited outside until you were finished.

You stayed at his place tonight, but nothing more happened. He just held you in his arms and helped you fall asleep by his soft humming and whatever caused your upset stomach was gone the next morning.

Then, all you felt was content in his arms.

kim taehyung

“Do you need anything else? Food? Drinks? Something more comfortable to wear? I can call a doctor, if you want me to?” Taehyung pulled his blanket draped over your body higher, right up to your chin, his features visibly worried.

“No, I'll be okay,” and while he was worried, you were just downright uncomfortable. You didn’t want to be a burden to him, not when you didn’t know each other that well yet, “You don't have to do this.. I can just go home.”

“No way, no,” he shook his head, “You can sleep here, I can just sleep on the couch. I don't want you going home in this state and I don't have a car to drive you home right now. So you just stay until your stomach is better.”

“I'm sorry I ruined this.. I was really looking forward to a nice date now that you finally have some time on your hands..”

“Hey,” Tae gently brushed your hair out of your face and smiled at you, “We're together.. that's all that matters to me.”

jeon jeongguk

Theoretically speaking, a date at an amusement park was a really cute idea. You could take nice pictures together, could go for some stupid, childish rides, could eat lots of food, have fun altogether..

..but Jeongguk seemed to chase the thrill.

And that ruined it for you.

Because you wanted to impress him, you didn't want to appear like a pussy who couldn't go on rollercoasters right – never mind that that wasn't pussy behavior, that was simply a preference.

Jeongguk left the ride with a happy laugh, whereas you had to focus on not throwing up, because that thing definitely crossed the line for you.

“Woha, woha, woha,” Jeongguk had finally turned around and saw you stumbling, instantly being by your side and holding you up, “You okay there?”

“Yeah.. just.. a little dizzy.”

“Sit,” he gently pulled you towards the nearest bench and grabbed your chin to make you look at him, “You don't look so good.”

“Maybe it was a bit too hardcore for me.”

“I shouldn't have pushed you to come with me, I'm sorry.”

“No, don't be,” you shook your head and then leaned against him, closing your eyes for a moment, “I just need a second.”

Jeongguk smiled and dared to kiss your forehead, before wrapping an arm around you and saying, “You have all the time in the world. I'm not going anywhere.”

[btssavedmylifeblr]

Void - Part 5 (M)

title banner by @jiminiethot♡

Genre: Sci-fi with a little angst and a LOT of smut

Pairing: BTS x Reader (yup - all seven)

Summary: You are the only female crew member on a 12 year space mission with seven handsome men. The sexual tension is real, y’all.

Word Count: 12.9k

Part 5 / ?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Warnings: explicit sexual content, slight degradation, angst

Raindrops pitter-patter against the windows of the office. Thunder rolls in the distance. The secretary ignores you, typing rapidly on her keyboard and refusing to make eye contact.

You fidget with your hem, pulling it down over your knees, uncomfortable in the first dress you've worn in months. The sky is dark. The air is humid but cold from the air conditioner running full blast in the corner. It's August, but the secretary has a sweater and jacket on. She came prepared, unlike you, shivering in your sleeveless charcoal suit-dress.

The phone at her desk rings and she picks it up. "Yes, she's here," she replies to the man on the phone, then looks over at you. "The Director will see you now." She gives you a pitying smile, gesturing to the door beside her.

You stand up and draw your shoulders back, adjusting your skirt one more time. Your heels clack loudly against the tile floor, a contrast to the more comfortable training sneakers you usually wore in this building. You hesitate at the heavy oak door, wondering if you should knock.

"You can go on in," the secretary says, trying to encourage you. You give her a small smile and a nod before turning the door knob.

______________

Ringing sounds fill your ears. The voices around you muffle and the edges of your vision darken. Your knees crumple.  As your knees are about to hit the floor, thin arms catch you around your middle and Hoseok’s warm chest presses against your back.

“Easy,” he says. “Sit down.” He lowers you gently to the floor. “Head between your knees.”

The cold aluminum floor is reassuringly solid beneath you. You bend forward, lowering your head to your legs. Hoseok squats next to you, placing his hand on your lower back.

“Breathe,” he insists.  His hand slides up your back. “Inhale.” The hand moves down again. “Exhale.”

The ringing in your ears begins to abate and your vision clears. Yoongi squats down opposite Hoseok.

“Jin,” Yoongi radios. “We need you by the sleep pods. She’s fainted.”

“I haven’t fainted,” you grumble, resenting sounding like a Victorian lady without her smelling salts.

All the sleep pod doors whoosh open around you. Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin spill out with various degrees of confusion and worry on their faces, clustering around you on the floor. Jimin’s still clutching the bloody towel to his nose.

“Is she okay?” Jungkook asks.

“I’m fine!” You wave your hands in frustration, trying to get them to back off, claustrophobic from being surrounded by these fussing men.

“We need to get her to the infirmary.” Yoongi moves toward you, arms reaching for you, but you flinch away.

“Back off, Yoongi.” Hoseok places himself between the two of you.  “I’ve got her.” Yoongi’s mouth opens, as if to object, but as he scans Hoseok’s face, he falters. He closes his mouth then retreats.

“I need to talk to Namjoon,” you argue, trying to stand. You have to stop the video transmission. But the moment you get your feet under you, the world tilts again.

Hoseok intervenes. “Apologies,” he says as he scoops you into his arms. You want to object, but Hoseok’s so solid around you that you don’t have the heart. You rest your head against his chest and he’s already moving.

“Jin, meet us in the infirmary,” Yoongi radios as he and the others trail after you.

______________

The Mission Director has his back to you as you enter, examining something on the computer in front of him. You wait. He starts typing something. "Just one moment," he mutters, followed by "you can close the door."

You shut the door behind you and wait, shifting between your feet, wondering if you should have worn shorter heels. Perhaps these were too feminine. Professional attire was a nightmare. You needed to be attractive and presentable, but couldn't be too sexy or too girly. You much preferred your training jumpsuit.

“Please take a seat.” The director turns around and gestures to the chair in front of his desk.

You sit on the edge of the chair. Now is not the time to get comfortable, your whole future rests on what happens in this room now.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news.” The Director takes off his glasses, cleaning them with his tie, and clears his throat. "I'm sure Miss Lee has already spoken to you." You nod. "But she withdrew from the mission yesterday."

Your colleague had called you in tears last night, begging you to forgive her for pulling out of the mission. Of course, you couldn't blame her. It was too much to ask someone to leave Earth for twelve years if their heart wasn't in it. And Dianna's heart was decidedly stuck on Earth. This is why you don't date people. You assured her of your forgiveness, but now your team was down another member.

The Director sighs and you know he's preparing to deliver the blow that will crush all your hopes and dreams. "So that means the women's crew is now down to five. It's just not enough people to properly man the Minos."

What an ironic choice of words. As if they had ever really planned on letting your team "woman the Minos". While the ICSE had made a big show of preparing both a men's and women's team for the mission so they could appear fair and unbiased to the media, the men's team had always been better trained and better funded.

"You could recruit more women." You can't let him squash everything you've worked for so easily.

"There aren't enough women with the proper training." The Director continues to make a big show of cleaning his glasses so he doesn't have to meet your gaze. "And it would take too much time to train them now."

It's bullshit. There weren't enough women with the proper training because the ICSE hadn't recruited enough in the first place. They started with over 30 male trainees, but only 10 women. More men had dropped out along the way.

"I thought the men's team was also incomplete." You were up all last night mulling over what you could say to prevent him from canceling your mission.

"We have seven highly qualified men. They've shown great group cohesion in training scenarios and have bonded well as a group. They'll be a stellar crew for the Minos."

You cringe at the way he speaks as if the decision is already made. You can see your dreams of space slipping through your fingers with each passing moment.

But then the Director adds, "They just need a biologist and they'll be ready."

"I'm a biologist." You feel a pang of remorse that you are so easy to abandon the other women you’ve trained with for years. But they would understand. One of you going was better than none of you going. And you were the only biologist.

He looks up, squinting at you. You let the awkwardness linger until he looks away again, shuffling the papers on his desk. "We already have several promising candidates."

Several promising male candidates. "Are they trained yet?"

"Well, no, not yet." He shifts in his chair.

"You're delaying the mission timeline then?" This was your way in, just keep it all about the good of the mission.

"Well..." He frowns. "We would have to delay either way, neither the men's or women's teams will be ready for our original timeline."

"Send me with the men." You lean forward in your seat. The Director opens his mouth to object, but you cut him off. "I've been training for over two years. I have a PhD in Biology with research experience in both Astrobiology and Botany. I've logged 300 hours in the mission simulator. You won't find another candidate with better qualifications."

But the Director just shakes his head. "We think it's a bad idea to send mixed gendered crews."

_____________

The “infirmary” is a fold-out cot in the corner of the kitchen, along with some basic medical instruments stashed in the walls.  The ICSE couldn’t waste precious space on a room that would almost never be used. Luckily, you were all healthy young people and there weren’t any other humans to contract contagious diseases from.

The whole crew received emergency medical training as part of the pre-flight preparations, but Jin had the most experience, having worked as an EMT to pay his way through college. He’d been elevated to de facto medic for your crew in addition to pilot. The trip has been uneventful so far though. Jungkook sliced open his palm with a screwdriver once and Hoseok had a month where he was barfing every time the gravity turned off, but that’s about it.

Jin rushes in ahead of you and Hoseok to unfold the cot, which Hoseok gingerly sets you down on. The rest of the crew hovers in the doorway.

“Hoseok,” Jin mutters as he takes your wrist in his hand to check your pulse. “I hate to say this, but I need you on the bridge.”

“But-” Hoseok objects, then stops, mouth flattening into a frown. He looks at you.

“It’s okay, Hoseok.” You muster the best smile you can, despite the trembling in your hands. “I’m alright. Thank you.”

Hoseok nods and leaves to take over command of the bridge.

“And the rest of you.” Jin turns to the others. “You’ve been confined to quarters.”

A chorus of objections meets this statement, all the men arguing, shaking their heads and looking at you. None of them budge. Jin frowns, but turns back to give you his full attention.

“Do you know where you are?” he asks, taking your chin in his hand and scanning back and forth between your eyes.

“Yes.”

He arches an eyebrow. “I’m going to need to you to be more specific.”

You roll your eyes. “I’m on the Spaceship Minos. The year is 2072. We’re just under 200 million kilometers away from Earth,” you recite in monotone. “I’m fine, Jin. Just a bit of a panic attack.”

“The only way to diagnose a panic attack is to eliminate all other potential causes.” Jin argues. “Now, follow my finger with your eyes.”

“I need to talk to the commander,” you object, but comply, following his finger with your eyes as it moves in a box around your peripheral vision. You need Namjoon to stop the emergency broadcast or the entire ICSE is going to see you blowing your crew member on camera.

Luckily, you hear your commander in the hallway only moments later.

“What are you all doing here?” Namjoon’s voice echoes through the corridor before he appears in the doorway. “Get back to your quarters immediately.”

There are no objections this time, just sullen glares and crossed arms as the rest of the crew slink back to their sleep pods. Yoongi lingers the longest, watching you.

“Jin and I will take care of her,” the commander says more softly. You bristle at the implication that you need any man to take care of you and scowl at the floor.

Namjoon enters the kitchen and you try to rise up off the cot, but are stopped by Jin's hand on your shoulder.

"Commander," you address Namjoon, squirming out from under Jin's hand. "you need to stop the transmission to Earth. Please."

Namjoon frowns and gestures for you to take a seat. You stop squirming.

"It's standard protocol to send all footage back when there's an altercation,” he says. “So the ICSE knows what's going on."

"But can't I just tell you?” you plead.  “Do they have to see it?"

Jin is still fussing over you, getting out the stethoscope. "Deep breath in," he says as he places the cold metal disc to your chest. You breathe in.

Namjoon scans your face. ”What is it that you don't want them to see?"

Your heart beats faster.

"Namjoon," Jin interrupts. "Can’t the interrogation wait until after she's stable?”

"I'm fine, Jin,” you try to argue, pushing his hands away from you.

"Your heart is racing and you're sweating," Jin argues. He opens a cabinet in the wall to fish out a new machine.

"Jin!" you object. "I don't need the freaking EKG!"

"Yes, you do!" he insists, pulling the electrodes from the wall. "Don't make me give you a sedative."

You sit still, but keep your eyes focused on the commander. ”Please, stop the transmission, Namjoon."

Namjoon thinks for a moment, hand on his chin. ”Alright.” He nods and you breathe a sigh of relief. "I'll pause it, pending investigation. I don't know how much will have gone through already, but I'll wait to decide about the rest until after we've talked."  Namjoon gets up to leave. "Let Jin check you out while I go send some messages."

"Can you lie down?" Jin asks as the commander disappears into the hall. You nod, scooting down onto the cot and closing your eyes. The beeping of your heartbeat on the EKG monitor finally begins to slow.

_____________

"We think it's a bad idea to send mixed gendered crews." The Director pushes his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.

"I've been training alongside those men for years!" you argue. "I've known Hoseok since college."

"You and Officer Jung went to school together?" He shuffles his papers, looking for confirmation.

"We did." You’ve known Hoseok the longest of any of the fellow trainees. You ran in the same circles in college, never close but always friendly. You don't know the other men as well, but they have all been polite and professional in your trainings together.

"Do you two have romantic history together?" The Director raises an eyebrow in suspicion.

It takes every fiber of self-control in your body to not stand up and walk out. "No." You fight to keep your voice steady even as your hands begin to shake with rage. Why was it the assumption that you must be sleeping with your fellow trainees? "Hoseok and I have always had a strictly professional working relationship."

The Director shakes his head like he doesn't believe you. "The dynamics of mixed gender crews are complicated." He doesn't elaborate.

"In what way, sir?" You're not going to let him squash your dreams just because the conversation is a bit awkward. If he's going to fire you for your sex, then he better damn-well spell it out. At least then you'd have something to take to the media.

"Well there's the issue of sex." He wrinkles his nose in distaste that you've finally made him say it and starts cleaning his glasses again.

"Are you saying the men you hired for this mission aren't professionals?"

"No, no, they are stellar candidates."

"Are you saying I'm not a professional?"

"No, no..." He shakes his head as beads of sweat break out on his forehead. "But even when everyone is a professional, one can still get distracted by attraction."

"Are you saying men can't be attracted to other men?" You lean forward, seeing the corner you can back him into before he does.

"No," he sputters. "But none of our men are..."

"Have you asked them that?"

"No! No!" His eyes widen. "Of course not! That would be illegal."

You nod, letting him stew in the implications of his statement a little longer. "So it seems that attraction could be a problem with any crew, regardless of gender."

He frowns, looking at the wall behind you, racking his brain for a new excuse. He finds one. "If the crew is all the same sex, there is no risk of pregnancy."

"So it's the risk of pregnancy that prevents me from joining the men's crew?"

"Yes, yes, that's right." He begins to relax, like he finally thinks he's found a reason you can't go. "There's no medically safe or economical way to prevent pregnancy for that long."

"So if I was sterile, then I could go?"

He sits up taller in his chair, taken aback. "But you're not…” He turns to the computer to check your medical file. “Are you?" He has underestimated just how much you're willing to give up for this mission.

Thunder rolls in the distance as you realize your only option. Your dream of space calls more than the dream of being a mother. It's only with a small painful pang that you reply, "I'll get a tubal ligation. Then there's no reason not to send me."

"What? We couldn't possibly ask that of you." He stands up. You stand up too, seeing your chance to exit this conversation on top.

"You're not asking. I'm doing this of my own free volition. I'll take a couple weeks of medical leave, then come back, ready to join the mission on schedule." You begin to back toward the door. "If that is alright with you, sir." You make a show of deferring to his final say, even though you've really left him no choice at this point.

He looks stunned. "Um, yes, okay. I guess that will be the plan then."

You smile. "I look forward to launch, sir."

_____________

You lie on the cot in the infirmary for a long time, somewhere between asleep and awake. It must be the middle of the night by now, but Namjoon has left the gravity on. No one is sleeping until your commander has talked to everyone and rendered a verdict.

Jin has stopped fussing over you and is sitting at the kitchen table, reading something on his tablet. You're grateful for the silent company. He hasn't asked you what happened, just monitored your heartbeat.

"How is she?" Namjoon asks from the doorway.

"Fine." Jin stands up and you open your eyes. "Just a panic attack. All vitals are normal."

"So can I talk to her now, doctor?" Namjoon adds the teasing title and Jin smiles.  

"Yes, I'll get out of your way,” he replies, removing the electrodes from your back and chest and packing the EKG back into the wall. "Should I relieve Hoseok from the bridge?"

"Please." Namjoon nods and Jin heads out, leaving you alone with your commander in the kitchen. You get up off the cot and stand in front of it, not wanting to take what’s coming next sitting down.

Namjoon crosses his arms and sighs, scanning you up and down. It's good the EKG is no longer hooked up so he can't hear how your heart rate skyrockets. Has he watched the video by now? Has he seen you naked? Did he watch you moan and call out for your whole crew? You cover your torso with your arms as if you could block him from seeing through your jumpsuit.

Namjoon fishes into his pocket and pulls out the incriminating memory card, looking down at it and frowning. Your fingers itch to snatch it out of his hands and crush it beneath your heel. There's a deep shameful pain that he's holding all your most embarrassing secrets in the palm of his hand and you can't do anything about it.

"So if I were to watch this," he asks, turning the card over in his hands. "What would I see?"

You close your eyes and exhale. He hasn't watched it yet. He continues to be the thoughtful cautious man you have always trusted to lead this mission. Your hands tremble slightly as you resist the urge to collapse back onto the cot behind you.

"Um..." You have trouble gathering your thoughts. "I'm not sure how to explain it."

Namjoon nods. "Take your time. I've already asked the men involved."

"What did they say?” Your voice is higher pitched than you want it to be. How did Yoongi explain his way through this? How did it end up in Taehyung's hands? Why did Taehyung tell Jimin?

“They refused to tell me.” Namjoon rubs his hand over the crease in his forehead slowly. “Insisted that I ask you instead.” He turns the card over slowly as he looks down at it. “Yoongi had some choice words about how it was none of my business.” He looks up at you. “But it is my business if it’s causing fights among my crew members.”

"It's, umm..." Your palms begins sweating. “A sexual indiscretion."

Namjoon’s eyes widen. “With whom?”

“Um, Yoongi…” You shuffle your feet and look at the floor. “Sort of.”

“Sort of?” Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow as he looks down at the little memory card.

““It’s a video of me” -you catch yourself about to start biting your fingernails and yank your hand away from your face- “masturbating. Yoongi filmed it.”

“Oh, I see.” A muscle in his jaw tenses, but he keeps staring at the card. ““So you and Yoongi are in a sexual relationship?”

“No.” You shake your head furiously. Namjoon finally makes eye contact and looks confused. “Not anymore,” you clarify.

“Did anyone coerce or pressure you?”

You shake your head again.

“Were you filmed without your knowledge?”

“No, no, nothing like that.” You swallow and look at the floor. “It was my idea.”

“It was your idea to film sexually explicit activities with our mission equipment?” Namjoon shakes his head in disbelief. “Why?”

You open and close your mouth to try to explain but can’t find the words. Nothing about this makes sense when you try to explain it now. Each step felt like it made sense at the time, but now you have no idea how you got here.

“How is Jimin involved in all this?” Namjoon tries again when the silence has lingered for too long.

Your face burns hot. “I was planning to give it to him.”

“Oh.”

You can’t bear to look up and see what your commander must think of you right now. The silence is unbearable.

“But I deleted it!” you stammer. “As soon as we filmed it, I deleted it. I never wanted anyone to see it."

“Then how did it get to Taehyung?”

“Yoongi must have made a second copy. Then Jungkook found it in the workshop.” You rub the back of your neck. “Not sure how it got to Taehyung actually.”

Namjoon frowns. “And what is in the ship's camera footage that you don't want sent back to Earth?"

You sigh and sag your shoulders in defeat. "Another, um, sexual indiscretion. In the greenhouse."

"With who?"

Fuck. The fact that he even has to ask.

"Yoongi."

Namjoon sighs and sits down in a chair next to the kitchen table, rubbing his forehead. "You know that there's nothing wrong with having sexual urges. If you want to be in a relationship with Yoongi, that's okay."

“It is?” You ask, before crossing your arms and adding. “But I don’t.”

"The ICSE knew this was likely to happen. Well,” he chuckles softly under his breath, “maybe not this exactly. But you can only keep people together in confined quarters for so long before ‘indiscretions’ happen."

You frown as you imagine your mission director’s smug face as he knowingly nods along with your commander. He smugly grins at the other directors and says “I told you mixed gender crews were a bad idea,” as they crowd around their monitors, watching you get down on your knees for your flight engineer.

“It won’t happen again.” You grit your teeth. “I promise you that.”

Namjoon’s eyebrows lift upward in surprise. “It’s okay. As long as everything is consensual and kept to your personal time. The ICSE has no say over our personal lives.”

“Oh.” You fidget with the pockets of your jumpsuit. It can’t be that easy, can it? He’s wrong. The ICSE has say over everything. It’s not like you can just choose to leave. You sigh in frustration. “It’s not that easy, Namjoon. What about the rest of the crew?”

Jimin’s “you could have me if you wanted me” flashes through your mind followed by Jungkook’s “I think I’m in love with you.” Does Namjoon even know all the problems your mistakes have unleashed?

Namjoon stands up again.  “Look, what I can’t have is secrets. You saw what it did to us today. Sex is fine. It’s the lying and secret keeping that will destroy us. You need to decide what you want to do, and then you need to disclose it to the rest of the crew.” You open your mouth but your question dies on your tongue. He seems to sense it anyways. “We’re all grown men and we can suck it up.”

You nod, heat licking up and down your neck.

Namjoon begins bringing this conversation to an end. "If you want to engage in a sexual relationship, there is a form that needs to be sent to HR, indicating that everything is consensual. And the crew needs to be informed. But other than that, it's entirely up to you to decide what you want to do. When did the indiscretion in the greenhouse occur?"

"Yesterday evening,” you reply. “After the group meeting."  

Your commander frowns, stroking his chin. ”I have to send back all the footage of the altercation, but I don't need to send back any of the rest. Though I don't know how much went through before I stopped it."

"Thank you, commander." Your heart floods with gratitude even as the unease in your stomach lingers.

He crosses his arms. “This isn’t over. You violated protocol and endangered our mission. I need to see all five of you in my office. Now.”

__________

You haven’t been in the commander’s office since your first tour of the Minos, back when it was still in orbit around the Earth. The commander is the only person who has a real bedroom, though it still isn’t all that big. With you, Yoongi, Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung all crowded in, there’s almost no room left. The five of you have to stand shoulder-to-shoulder to fit in front of his desk.

The desk is covered in papers. Namjoon has fashioned a chain of rubber bands stretching across the desk to hold his papers in their careful chaotic placement when the gravity shuts off.  His lone personal item, a small bonsai tree, sits in one corner and his sleeping bag is tucked away in the opposite side. Even your commander didn’t get an actual bed.

Namjoon leans against his desk, arms crossed as the five of you fidget in front of him. Jungkook keeps looking at you and then immediately looking away whenever you make eye contact. The rest have their eyes fixed to the floor, preparing for a reprimand.

Jimin’s nose has thankfully stopped bleeding and he has abandoned the bloody towel. Blue-purple bruising spreads across the bridge of his nose and under each eye. It looks swollen and painful and swamps you with regret. You may as well have been the one who punched him in the face with all your irresponsible decisions.

Namjoon draws in a breath and pulls his shoulders back.

“This situation is completely unacceptable.” His tone is the harshest you’ve ever heard it. “Secrecy. Brawling. Pornography.” The tips of your ears burn with shame. “I’m embarrassed about the report that I have to send to the ICSE.”  

The commander lets the guilt-filled silence linger as he stares each of you down in turn. Jimin sniffles through his swollen nose. You try to meet Namjoon’s gaze, but it hurts too much.

The commander sighs. “Sexual attraction is bound to happen. We’re only human. As long as it’s consensual, properly documented, and doesn’t interfere with your mission duties, sexual activity is fine. That’s not the problem.”

Jungkook raises a tentative hand into the air, looking for permission to speak. Namjoon nods.

“What does properly documented mean?”

“There’s some HR forms to fill out,” your commander explains. “Would have been simple.” The disgust in his voice makes you desperate to flee the room. “But instead you all chose to play games and keep secrets and have fistfights in the hangar. It’s unacceptable.”

Taehyung flinches at the way Namjoon spits this last criticism and Jimin sniffles again.

“All of you will be receiving disciplinary action.” Namjoon turns around and picks up a stack of papers from his desk, shuffling through them before turning to you. “Starting with our science officer, for misuse of mission equipment and conduct unbecoming of an officer, you will receive 48 hours confinement, an official reprimand and loss of a half month’s pay.”

You exhale in relief. Your fears of being locked in your quarters for the next six months dissipate and you almost feel like you got off too easy. The official reprimand was a black mark on your record, but light in comparison to your sex tape being sent to Earth.

Namjoon fishes into his pocket and pulls out the memory card once again. “You are to delete this file and return the empty card to me as soon as possible. The only reason I didn’t delete it myself was because I didn’t want you to think I had watched it.”

You nod in understanding and slip the drive into the pocket of your jumpsuit, still unable to meet your commander’s eyes.

“Chief Engineer Min,” Namjoon addresses to Yoongi. “For misuse of mission equipment and conduct unbecoming of an officer, you will also receive 48 hours confinement, an official reprimand and loss of a half month’s pay.”

What? That doesn’t seem right. You were the one who started all of this, you were the one who asked Yoongi to help you. He shouldn’t be getting the same sentence as you. Yoongi sucks in a breath through his teeth, but he bites his tongue and continues to stare at the floor.

“Payload specialist.” Your commander turns now to Jungkook. “For conduct unbecoming of an officer and failure to report misconduct, you will receive 72 hours confinement, an official reprimand and loss of one month’s pay.”

This time you gasp out loud. Jungkook shudders. “Permission to speak?” he asks and Namjoon nods. “Please Commander,” Jungkook begs. “My mom relies on that money.”

“Perhaps you should have thought of that before you went around sharing explicit videos of your crew members.”

Jungkook bites his trembling lower lip. “Isn’t there anything else I can do Commander?”

“Fine.” Namjoon crosses his arms. “Dish and commode duties for a month. And I’m still docking half a month’s pay.”

Jungkook nods. “Thank you commander.”

You want to object. Why would Jungkook’s punishment be worse than yours? It was your fault that he stumbled across your explicit video. Why were the men being hit so hard when this was clearly all your fault? But you keep your mouth closed.

“Payload Commander”- It’s Taehyung’s turn -“For conduct unbecoming of an officer, failure to report misconduct, and instigating a conflict with a crew member, you will receive the same as Jungkook, with the addition of mandatory weekly check-ins with a therapist back on Earth for the next six months.” Taehyung accepts his sentence without objection.

“And finally our Mission Specialist”- Jimin sniffles and looks up at the Commander-“For conduct unbecoming of an officer and endangering the lives of your crew members, you will receive one week in solitary confinement, weekly mandatory therapy, and the loss of two months pay.”

“Commander!” Taehyung objects.

“It’s fine.” Jimin shuffles his feet. “Probably deserve worse.”

“No, you don’t!” Taehyung sputters.

“Do you want to make it a month of solitary?” Namjoon’s deep voice echoes in the small space, but Taehyung stands his ground.

“If Jimin gets a week, then I should too.”

“Just stop, Tae.” Jimin’s voice cracks, but you can’t see his face and he remains resolutely facing the floor.  

“He didn’t endanger my life!” Taehyung continues to argue, gesticulating at the commander.

“Enough.” Namjoon cuts him off. "Did you forget that we live on a spacecraft?” His tone is incredulous. “Did you forget that only millimeters of siding separate us from the vacuum of space?”

Taehyung drops his arms to his side in frustration, but doesn’t object further.

“We are all alone out here. We have no one but each other. If something goes wrong, it could mean the death of every member of this crew. You’re lucky it was just a bloody nose. What if one of you had fractured a rib? You’d be dead. Or you’d be permanently disabled and unable to assist with the mission. Or you’d be in constant pain for the next twelve years with nothing we could do about it. It's a risk to the life of every person on this ship.  It's entirely unacceptable and no matter what you think you were doing, there is no justification for it. If I can't trust you to put that ahead of anything else, then I can't trust you to do this mission at all."

The whole room is silent. The mountain of shame inside you grows larger as you are forced to stew in all of the even worse repercussions that might have come from your lack of professionalism. It seemed entirely unfair that every man in the room had a harsher sentence than you, when it was all your fault in the first place.

"Dismissed." Namjoon ends the official reprimand. "All confinement begins now."

___________

48 hours is a long time to do nothing but stare at the walls of your sleep pod.

Solitary confinement means no computer, no work, no talking to anyone else, nothing to do but stare at the walls and regret your life choices. You had been able to kill ten minutes with the excuse that you needed to use your computer to delete the video off the memory card.  But you'd then had to hand over both the empty memory card and your personal laptop to Jin. You'd get the laptop back in forty-eight hours, but the pornographic video was finally gone.

You get a meal three times a day, delivered by Hoseok. His cheery "breakfast time!" and "lunch time!" greetings are the only way you can tell how much time has passed. If he is mad at having to do all your chores, he doesn't show it. You can hear Hoseok deliver all of Yoongi's meals too, but Yoongi doesn't get any cheerful greetings.

It would be easiest if you could sleep away the time, but the pod is not large enough to lie down when the gravity is on. You pulled down your sleeping bag and fashioned it into a donut on the floor that you can curl into and drift in and out of consciousness.

The chatter on the radio provides your only other source of information about what's happening outside your room. But it's much quieter than normal. Makes sense considering five of your eight crew members are sentenced to radio silence.  

It's long after Hoseok has delivered dinner that you hear a new noise. A soft tapping sound coming from the wall in front of you. You're tired and you shake it off, trying to sleep. But it's impossible to sleep now that the gravity is off and you'd spent all day dozing.

Two taps again. Then silence.

It's coming from Yoongi's sleep pod. You cross your arms and huff in annoyance. What is he doing in there?

As much as you blame yourself for what happened, you blame the flight engineer just as much. It may have been your idea to make the video, but you had thought better of it and deleted it, like a sensible person. It was Yoongi who had violated your trust and made a copy without your permission. It's because of Yoongi that Jungkook and Taehyung have now seen you naked. It's because of Yoongi that you now have an official reprimand on your record.

There's a loud thumping sound, followed again by two quick taps.

What is his problem? You kick the wall, trying to get him to shut up and go to bed. These walls are too thin.

But Yoongi takes that as a sign that you are finally listening. He taps several times in a row, then pauses and repeats the two taps.

What does he want? You turn your back and try to ignore him, but he keeps going. Pausing for 10 seconds or so, then tapping twice. Pause. Two taps. Pause. Two taps.

Two. As in channel two. You swear under your breath before switching your radio over to channel two, the channel for private conversations that you don't want broadcast to the rest of the ship.

"We're only supposed to use the radios for emergency purposes." You glare at the wall in front of you.

"I need to talk to you."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Look," he rushes, voice quiet but urgent."I know I'm an idiot. I never should have left that card where Jungkook could find it."

"Well, I agree that you are an idiot."

"I know, I know. But no one goes in there but me!"

"That's not the point, Yoongi! Why did you have a copy at all?

"What?" His voice pitches upward, feigning innocence. But you're not having it.

"You made a copy without my consent!"

"No, I didn't..."

"Yes, you did! Why else would it exist?"

"But I thought..." He trails off, sounding less confident than he did a moment ago.

"You thought what? You thought I wanted the whole crew to see my sex tape?" You pour all of your regrets into your frustrated whispers into your radio. "I deleted it so this exact thing would never happen! What the fuck is wrong with you?" You kick hard against the floor of your pod and go sailing upward.

Yoongi's anger flares in response to yours. "You didn't tell me you deleted it!" he fires back. "You said you were giving it to Jimin!"

"Oh." You have to brace yourself with your hands before you crash into the ceiling.

“And all our cameras automatically write to two SD cards. There is always a backup."

"Oh." You bounce up and down between the floor and ceiling slowly.

"The second card was already in the camera," he explains."I thought you put it there. I thought you knew.”

Your ears being to burn. That was an aspect of how the mission cameras work that you had forgotten about. “No, I didn’t.”

“Oh.” Yoongi pauses, though you can still hear his breath through the radio. "Well, I thought you did."

You are forced to face the uncomfortable sensation of suddenly feeling like you're in the wrong, while still being quite pissed about the whole thing. This can't be all your fault too. He can't talk his way out of this without even so much as an apology.

"No, no, no," you argue, shaking your head even though he can't see you."Don't you turn this around on me. You snuck that card out of the camera without asking me. You were all 'Don't worry. I'll put the camera away for you.'"

"I was trying to be nice!"

"You were trying to get some extra jerk-off material!" You whisper-shout into the radio, dropping your voice lower so that the rest of the crew doesn't catch on to your secret conversation. "You should have asked, Yoongi."

There's a long pause. "I thought you would say no."

"I'm done talking to you."

You switch off your radio and cross your arms. You hear him say something through the wall, but the sound is muffled by the kevlar that lines the walls and you can't make it out.

There are two taps on the wall again. Then a pause.

Then three taps.

Then silence.

__________

Namjoon calls to let you know your 48 hours are up and you burst from your pod, desperate to stretch your legs.  

Yoongi's door opens at the same time.

Yoongi looks the way you feel. His face is puffy and dark circles surround each of his eyes. His hair sticks up haphazardly. You make eye contact and he opens his mouth, licking his lips as if preparing to say something. But you don't give him a chance, spinning on your heel and heading for the kitchen before he can talk you into forgiving him.

To your annoyance, Yoongi follows you. You can't reasonably object to him also going in search of food. Hoseok never showed up with dinner.

You and Yoongi reach the kitchen to find Hoseok sitting alone at the table, munching on cereal and reading his tablet.

Hoseok looks up at the two of you and smiles. "Thank God its over!" he says. "I really need people to talk to. Jin and I have been on opposite shifts for two days and Namjoon's not been in a real chatty mood."

Both you and Yoongi chuckle half-heartedly. Neither of you are in a chatty mood either. You retrieve a box of cereal and a carton of powdered milk from the pantry, not wanting to bother cooking anything.

"I guess Jungkook and Taehyung have a day left," Hoseok continues, "and Jimin has five."

Yoongi has the same food plan that you do, so he stays in your personal space, reaching around you for his choice of cereal, hovering behind you at the water tap while you rehydrate your milk.

"Can't believe Namjoon put five crew members in solitary at once." Hoseok keeps trying to talk over the silent tension between you and Yoongi. "If it were me, I would have staggered them out so we weren't so short-staffed."

A large pile of dishes sits in the sink, unusual given the general tidiness of your crew. "Is that why no one's doing their dishes?" you ask.

"Nah." Hoseok shakes his head. "Namjoon said to leave them for Jungkook and Taehyung."

Yoongi and you both join Hoseok at the table with your cereal and the lingering awkward silence returns.

Hoseok finishes his cereal, but stays at the the table, looking between you and Yoongi. "Must have been something big to piss Namjoon off like this."

Yoongi chokes on his cereal, coughing. "Namjoon didn't tell you?"

Hoseok shakes his head. "Disciplinary action is confidential."

You and Yoongi make eye contact again. You really don't want to have to tell Hoseok what happened, but you're terrified of what Yoongi might say as explanation. Yoongi doesn't say anything. The only sounds in the kitchen are the aggressive munching of your cereals as you silently stand-off.

"So neither of you are going to tell me what happened?"

Hoseok looks at you, pleading with you to let him in on what's going on. But you can't say it.

"It's not a big deal," you say, gaze dropping to your cereal bowl. "Just a dumb misunderstanding."

Yoongi grunts and keeps eating his cereal.

"Not a big deal?" Hoseok throws his hands up in frustration. "Half the crew got thrown in solitary! I've been manning the bridge in 12 hour shifts with Jin and working overtime to cover for the rest of you and no one will tell me why!"

"We got caught fucking around okay?" Yoongi says, not looking at you or Hoseok, but staring intently into his cereal. "She's right. It's not a big deal."

Hoseok's eyebrows furrow. "Fucking around with what? Did you actually try that dumb moonshine plan?"

Yoongi sighs and looks at you. The confusion on Hoseok's face tears you apart. Even now, he still thinks it's all innocent.

"No, Hoseok," you confess. "We got caught having sex."

"Sort of," Yoongi mutters.

Hoseok's eyes widen and his mouth falls open. "Oh," he says, looking down at the table. "Oh, I see." Hoseok slumps back in his chair and looks back and forth between you and Yoongi. "So you two are, like, together then?"

"No," you rush. "No, we're not."

Yoongi stands up, tosses his cereal bowl into the pile for Jungkook, and leaves the kitchen.

Hoseok watches him go, frowning. "I, um..." he starts to say, but then trails off.

"Hoseok, I'm sorry." You want to apologize for everything. It feels like a betrayal and you're not even sure why.

"No, it's okay," Hoseok says, shaking his head. "I'm just surprised is all."

"We were never together," you try to clarify, but not sure how that makes it better. "It just happened once."

"Okay," Hoseok nods, but doesn't look at you. He stands up and adds his own dishes to the pile in the sink. "I'm going to go do some work."

You want to beg him not to leave. You want to beg him to stay and still be your friend and not judge you in the way you fear he is. But you can't find the words.

You finish eating your cereal alone.

__________

Despite being released from solitary confinement, you end up spending the next 24 hours almost completely alone.

Yoongi avoids you, sticking to his workshop. Hoseok goes back to spending most of his time in the lab working on the meteoroid samples, but you avoid him and spend your day in the greenhouse. You tell yourself that your plants need you, having been neglected for two days while the ship was short-staffed. But really you just can't face the tense silence between you and Hoseok.

You don't know why but it feels like such a betrayal. Part of you wants to explain yourself further, but you don't think that telling him you made a sex tape that has now been seen by half the crew will help you reestablish your professional friendship.

Lunch with Jin had been the lone bright spot in your day. He didn't demand you fill him in on what happened, nor treat you any differently, choosing instead to regale you with the saga of how he had to man the entire bridge for 12 hours while really needing to pee.

It’s a surprise when you arrive in the greenhouse the next morning to find Jungkook and Taehyung already there. They'd finished serving their time last night, but you had chosen to eat dinner in your sleep pod rather than face Yoongi and Hoseok again.

Both men turn to face you as you walk in. Jungkook is harvesting your pea plants and Taehyung is washing out some of your seed trays.

"Namjoon didn't assign you my chores too, did he?" You laugh nervously, still feeling guilty about the punishment they took because of your mistakes.

"No," Jungkook answers. "We, um, we wanted to apologize."

"And thought we could be useful while we did it." Taehyung adds.

"We're so sorry," Jungkook rushes before you can reply, setting down the harvesting tray and stepping closer to you.

Taehyung pauses his chores as well. "We really fucked up."

"We know it was unprofessional and exploitative and a violation of your privacy," Jungkook says. It's more formal than he usually speaks and you wonder how much of that he took directly from your commander.

"We should have just turned it in," Taehyung says,"or given it to you. We're so sorry."

Neither of those options sound great either. If they had turned it in, Namjoon would have still found out about your indiscretion. If they had given it back to you, then you would have found out they'd both seen it. But both of those options were still better than brawling with Jimin on the floor.

"Why did you try to show it to Jimin?" you ask.

Taehyung lowers his chin to his chest and looks at the floor. "I wasn't trying to show it to him. I thought he had already seen it and I asked him about it. I thought he was lying to me."

"Lying about what?"

Taehyung shifts his weight from one foot to the other. "I thought he was sleeping with you and hadn't told me."

"Oh," you reply. Yoongi did say at the start of the video that it was 'Jimin's video'. "Well, we're not," you clarify. "Never did."

"I know, I know." Taehyung nods. "Jimin had no idea what I was talking about. When I explained what it was, he demanded that I give it to him."

"So he wanted to see it?" You cross your arms over your chest defensively.

"No, no, no!" Taehyung shakes his head vigorously. "He didn't think I should have it, since, you know, I wasn't supposed to have it." Taehyung rubs the back of his neck, blushing. "He wasn't going to watch it."

"How do you know that?"

"We talked afterward. He said he wanted to give it back to you, but not watch it. But I thought at the time that he wanted to watch it. I didn't think he should see it if you hadn't showed it to him." Taehyung finally looks up at you, palms open wide. "I'm the one who fucked up, please don't blame Jimin. He was just trying to protect you."

You groan and roll your eyes. The last thing you need is your crew endangering the mission in misguided attempts to protect you. "I'm not some fragile creature in need of protecting. I'm your crew member. Treat me like a goddamn adult."

Taehyung and Jungkook both nod, looking appropriately chastened.

"Quit playing games and just be honest with me, okay?" you continue. "If you want to know something just ask."

There's a long pause. Both men look at each other, then resume their chores. You grab a clean seed tray from Taehyung and begin filling it with vermiculite.

"So are you dating Yoongi?" Jungkook asks after what he has deemed an appropriate period of waiting.

"No." At least they're trying to have a conversation.

"And you're not dating Jimin either?" Taehyung asks.

You shake your head.

"Why not?" Jungkook asks and both men pause their chores again.

"It's bad for the mission." You don't really believe yourself even as you say it though. Clearly 'bad for the mission' hadn't stopped you before.

"But Namjoon said it was okay for crew members to date as long as we're upfront about it," Jungkook says, focusing very hard on his peas.

You sigh. "Just seems like it's more trouble than it's worth." That feels more like the truth.

"What about, um, just sex?" Jungkook asks.

"I think it's best to keep things strictly professional. With everyone."

Jungkook nods, lower lip pouting slightly. "But aren't you lonely?"

"Yes."

"Me too," replies Jungkook.

There’s a long pause as three of you continue your chores.

“It’s okay.” Jungkook finally breaks the silence. “If you wanted to be with someone.” He wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. “Even if that someone isn’t, you know...”

He doesn’t finish the sentence but he doesn’t need to. Even if that someone isn’t him.

“Okay,” you reply. “Thanks.”

Would it be okay? If you just picked a man and dated him and everyone knew about it? Would they all just get over it? Was that the way to get everything back to normal?

"Well..." Taehyung brushes the dirt off his hands as he finishes wiping down the last tray. "We probably have to go scrub some toilets now."

"Thank you,” you call after them and they both turn around. “For your help with the plants."

Jungkook nods.

Taehyung takes a step back toward you. "Please, don't take my mistakes out on Jimin. He already blames himself enough as it is."

You nod, biting your lip as you mull over your last punished crew member, trapped in solitary for another four days.

_________

Every time you walk by Jimin’s pod, you feel a pang of guilt. It was all your fault he was trapped in that tiny box, unable to stretch out his legs, unable to talk to other people for a whole week. If you hadn’t asked him for porn in the first place, none of this would have happened.

Taehyung takes up vigil outside Jimin’s pod, probably working through whatever guilt he has about his own role in Jimin’s confinement. He can’t talk to Jimin, but he brings him his food at meal times and clean clothes.

Your guilt gets worse as you notice that Taehyung is returning to the kitchen with more and more uneaten food after each meal time with Jimin. Finally, on day six, Taehyung breaks.

“He’s not eating.” Taehyung drops the tray of food down across from you on the kitchen table. “And he won’t talk to me.” Taehyung looks up at you, eyes wide and pleading.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Can you talk to him?”

“Tae…” You shake your head. “He’s in solitary. We’re not allowed to talk to him.”

“Please?” Taehyung prostrates himself across the table. “I’ll make sure no one sees you.”

You frown. It’s a bad idea. But your guilt is getting the better of you.

Taehyung clasps his hands together and looks up at you. “I’m really worried.”

“Fine,” you acquiesce. “Meet me in half an hour at the sleep pods.”

And so you find yourself in front of Jimin’s pod, Taehyung standing guard at the end of the hall to spot anyone who might be coming this way.

You knock on the door.

“I told you I’m not hungry, Tae.” Jimin’s voice is muffled by the door.

“No, Jimin, it’s me,” you answer. There’s a pause and a rustling sound inside the pod, then the door opens.

Jimin looks pale and disheveled, the bruise on his cheeks and nose having turned from blue-purple to yellow-green. He blinks in confusion. “What are you doing here?”

You glance nervously down the hall to Taehyung, who gives you a thumbs up. “Can I come in?”

“Come in?” Jimin laughs in surprise.

“Taehyung is keeping lookout.”

“Okay, I guess.” He steps out of the way so you can climb into the sleep pod with him.

You’ve never been inside one of the sleep pods with another person before. Jimin presses himself up against the opposite wall as much as he can.

Your mind flashes back to an awkward evening in middle school where you were dared to spend seven minutes stuck in a closet with a boy you liked, all your friends gathered around outside. You and the boy had awkwardly stared at each other until the timer rang, neither being bold enough to do anything.

This feels like that.

“Um, hi.” You glance around, taking in the state of Jimin’s pod. He’d made a similar sleeping bag donut on the floor as you had in your own pod.

He tries to smooth down his hair. “Hi.”

“How are you?”

“I’ve been better.” He laughs nervously. “You?”

“Same.” You echo his awkward laugh. “Your nose okay?”

He shrugs. “Nothing broken.”

“Taehyung says you’re not eating.”

Jimin frowns. “He shouldn’t have bothered you about that. I’m fine.”

“You need to eat though. He’s right to be concerned.”

Jimin sighs. “I’m just not that hungry. It’s hard to be hungry when you can’t move around all day.” He bangs an elbow into the wall as he gestures and grimaces.

You sigh. “I think I owe you an apology.”

“For what?”

“For like, everything?” You give a sad exasperated laugh. “For asking you for porn, for making a sex tape, for involving you in all my shit.” You count off the reasons on your fingers. “It’s all my fault.”

“No!” Jimin grabs your hand to stop your counting out of your sins. “No, I’m the one who fucked everything up.” He squeezes your hand and it’s a warm contrast to your cold fingers.

You shake your head. “No you didn’t.”

“Yes I did!” he insists, not letting go of your hand. “I’m the one who gave you a sex tape first. I’m the one who insisted on stopping the meteoroid. I’m the one who got us all stuck here for another two years.”

“We were all involved with the meteoroid, Jimin. And none of us saw it coming.”

“But I should have!” He’s bangs his free hand against the wall behind him in frustration. “God, it’s elementary school physics. Newton’s third fucking law! I should have known.”

You want to argue with him about what he is choosing to define as ‘elementary school physics but that is beside the point.

He places a hand over his eyes and sniffles. The bruise stares incriminatingly at you from under his hand. It’s too much. Another broken man and it’s all your fault.

“I never should have come on this mission.” You let go of Jimin’s hand and fall against the wall behind you. “This was all a mistake.”

“Huh?” Jimin pulls his hand away from his eyes.

“I was never supposed to be here. There should have been only men here. They were right. They were so fucking right. Mixed gender crews are a bad idea.”

“What? No! Who told you that?” Jimin stands up straighter.

“The mission director.”

“Well, he’s dumb.” Jimin has forgotten his own tears at the sight of yours. He places a hand on your shoulder and it radiates warmth down your arm. “We all love having you here. It’d be such a loss if you weren’t here.”

You sniff, fighting back tears that prick at the corners of your eyes. “Yeah, a loss of sexual tension and dumb decisions. Not a loss to the mission.”

“Excuse you, I can have sexual tension with anyone.”

You give a teary smile at his kind attempt at humor, but it doesn’t dispel your deeper concerns. You lean your head back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling to keep from crying. “I just can’t win. Either I’m a bitch for holding out or I’m a slut for giving in.”

Jimin gasps. “Who said that to you?” His hands clench into fists. “Mission be damned. I’ll kill him.”

“No, no.” You shake your head. “No one said that. Not like that. I just feel it. All the time. Sex is always there. Even when we never talk about it. It’s always lingering in the back of everyone’s mind. It’s exhausting.”

“Listen to me now.” Jimin takes both your hands in his. “I’m so sorry if I ever made you feel that way. I’m so sorry if I’ve made you feel like sex is all I was interested in.” He sighs and looks down at the floor. “I…” He swallows. “I like you.”

Just a hint of butterflies stir in your stomach, a response that only Jimin manages to get out of you. You tighten your grip on his hands.

“I’ve liked you for a really long time,” he continues. “I’m so sorry that I ruined everything for you.” He lets go of your hands and looks down at the floor, lower lip trembling. 

You place a hand on his cheek. “It’s okay, Jimin.” 

He places his hand over yours and holds it to the side of his face. “I swear it’s not just about sex, okay?” His eyes water as they bore into yours. “I really like you. You’re smart and you’re kind and only a little bit intimidating.”

You both chuckle softly, blush rising in your cheeks.

He mirrors your stance, taking your cheek in his hand. “Even if you didn’t feel the same way, I’d still want to be your friend.”

The wings of the butterflies in your stomach beat stronger as a million feelings wash over you all at once. Guilt, longing, resistance. But the strongest is the overwhelming desire to be closer to him. You run your thumb across his cheek as you gaze into his heartbreakingly sincere eyes. Maybe you could just be with Jimin. Maybe everything would be okay if you just made a choice.

“Gravity powering down,” Namjoon’s voice plays in your headphones, “in three…”

You step closer to Jimin, your hand sliding from his cheek down to the side of his neck. Jimin eases his hand to your waist, gripping your belt loop to keep you from floating away and uses the other to brace himself against the wall as you both prepare for the transition to zero-g.

“Two…”

“Be with me,” Jimin whispers, lips inches from yours. “We can do it properly, like Namjoon said, fill out all the forms and be official.”

His eyes lock on yours, and more than anything, you want to say yes. You want to give in and take some measure of comfort for yourself. He licks his lips and your heart begins to race. Here he is, the possible solution to all your problems, and you ache for him.

“One.”

You answer him with a kiss, both of you lifting off the ground at the same time, all the pent up nervous energy propelling you upward. And then Jimin has both arms around your waist and you’re pressed up against him, hand tangled into his hair.

“Yes,” you gasp against his lips before diving back in. It’s been years since you’ve been good and properly kissed and you’re going to make the most of it. He groans and tightens his grip around your waist, pulling your entire body against his. Endorphins flood your system as the two of you float in the middle of Jimin’s sleep pod, pouring all of your heartache and loneliness into each other.

A loud beeping in your ears breaks the moment. “Jimin, come in Jimin,” Namjoon interrupts. “Are you okay?”

“What?” Jimin breaks away from you and presses the push-to-talk. “I’m here, I’m fine.”

You have to cover your mouth to prevent the commander from hearing your breathless panting over the radio.

“The carbon dioxide levels in your pod just skyrocketed. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Was just, um, doing some exercise.”

You bite your lower lip to stop yourself from giggling. Jimin shoots you a mock-threatening look.

“Hang in there, okay.” Namjoon sounds genuinely concerned. “Only one more day. Take it easy.”

“Yes, commander.” Jimin nods and pulls his hand away from his ear, scooping you back into his arms and thoroughly kissing you all over again.

“I should go,” you say but almost take it back as Jimin begins kissing along your neck and below your ear.

“No…” Jimin whines against your skin, pulling you in tighter still. Heavy arousal knocks between your legs, startling you away from him. If you stay here for another second, you won’t be able to leave.

“The ‘exercise’ excuse only buys us so much time,” you argue. “They’ll figure out there’s two of us in here.”

Jimin rests his forehead against yours and pouts. “Promise me we can go get the forms from Namjoon as soon as I am out of here tomorrow.”

“Yeah, yeah, we will. I promise.” You give him one last kiss as you back away to the door.

He catches your hand as you scoot out the door into the hallway, pulling it to his lips. “See you tomorrow,” he whispers excitedly. Tingles run up your arm from where his lips brush your knuckles and it takes all your strength to not dive back into the pod with him.

“See you tomorrow,” you whisper and he smiles.

As the door closes, he mutters to himself. “Damn, I’m hungry.”

You look around for Taehyung, wanting to tell him that Jimin seems to be feeling much better now, but he’s not there. Maybe he went to bed after the gravity shut off. You climb into your own pod across the way instead, eager for it to be tomorrow.

__________

The next day passes too slowly. Fantasies of finally having a way to satisfy your desires and still do your job play through your mind as you wait for Jimin’s confinement to end. In an effort to save time, you whisper through the pod door for Jimin to meet you in Namjoon’s office, before heading there yourself.

Namjoon opens the door, looking surprised to see you. “How can I help you officer?”

You shuffle your feet. “I need one of those HR forms you talked about, the relationship forms.”

“Oh,” Namjoon startles and steps back into his office. “Oh yes, of course. Come in.”

You step into his office. He walks over to his desk and picks up his tablet, flipping through his files.

“Glad you’re doing it all above board this time,” he tries to joke.

You laugh nervously.

“Here it is.” He hands you the tablet so you can look over the form. “You just need to read that, and then we can get Yoongi down here so you can sign together.”

Your heart plummets into your feet. “Oh... No...” You shake your head as your ears burn with embarrassment. “Not Yoongi.”

“Oh!” Namjoon does a double-take. “Really?”

“Really.” You take a step back, suddenly worried that this is a bad idea.

“But I thought…” Namjoon pauses, then straightens his shoulders. “Who do you want to sign this with?”

You swallow. “Jimin.”

Namjoon’s eyebrows knit together. “Are you sure?”

Before you can respond, there’s a knock on the door, followed by Jimin’s voice calling to see if you’re already in there.

“Yes, I’m sure,” you answer before turning to open the door.

Jimin comes bouncing in excitedly. “Did you get the forms?”

Namjoon looks back and forth between the two of you, then sighs, nodding and typing something into the form on the tablet.

“So, you are signing these documents-” Namjoon holds up the tablet with the HR forms on it, now correctly labeled with Jimin’s and your names, “-signifying that you are in a consensual sexual relationship.”

You both nod, each stepping closer to see the tablet screen in Namjoon’s hands. Jimin takes your hand in his as he stands next to you.

Namjoon holds out the tablet and you both sign on your designated line. A flutter of nerves runs through you at how formal this feels. A weird fear floods you that your commander is about to pronounce you man and wife and you squeeze Jimin’s hand involuntarily. Jimin just looks at you and smiles, squeezing your hand back enthusiastically.

Namjoon sighs as he puts the table away, then straightens up as he lays down the ground rules. “No fraternizing during work hours and let’s keep the mission equipment out of it, please.”

You blush. Jimin squeezes your hand in reassurance.

“Yes sir!” he answers, nodding his chin dramatically.

“You should tell the rest of the crew.” Namjoon adds, with a pointed look in your direction. “Just so everyone’s on the same page.”

A mix of guilt and longing roils in your stomach as you imagine trying to explain this to Yoongi, or Hoseok, or Jungkook. But you were doing everything the way you were supposed to. You were being open and honest and true to the mission. You’ll just have to sit them down and tell them the truth. Hopefully you can all get past it and continue the mission as before.

But before you can even finish that thought, Jimin has his fingers on his radio.

“Attention loyal crew of the Minos,” he declares, pulling back his shoulders and thrusting out his chest. “This is an important announcement to notify you that the mission specialist and the chief botanist have begun an official romantic, sexual, relationship.” He drops his voice on the ‘sexual’ and wiggles his eyebrows at you.

It should be endearing, but it only makes the guilt in your stomach churn harder. You wish you could see the faces of the rest of the crew. Were they shocked? Confused? Upset?

Jimin wraps up his little speech with a “Thank you for your attention,” as Namjoon raises an eyebrow at you.

“Thank you commander!” Jimin says, squeezing your hand and marching for the door.

“Specialist Park-” Namjoon stops him,“-you know you have a whole shift on the bridge before you have any, um, personal time, right?”

Jimin frowns. He did not know that. Or had forgotten. He checks his watch and pouts. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning, then?”

“She’ll be on duty then,” Namjoon crosses his arms and leans against his desk.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t see you though.” Jimin argues.

“Why don’t you get some sleep after your shift and meet me at 1800, okay?” You squeeze his hand.

He nods. “Okay, fine.” He kisses you on the cheek before heading off to relieve Jin from bridge duty.

________

Jimin is already waiting for you when your shift ends the next day, standing right outside the greenhouse and counting down the seconds on his watch. You can see him through the glass of the door, but are trying to stay focused on your work until your official personal time. At exactly 1800, he bursts into the greenhouse.

“Woohoo!” He does an adorable little cheer as he runs up to you. “We’re officially off the clock!”

“Give me a second,” you tease as you wipe your hands on your jumpsuit.

“No seconds left,” he replies, wrapping his arms around you as you turn away from him to finish putting away your tools.  

“Jimin…” You feign at trying to wiggle free, but he just grips you tighter, pulling your hips back against his. “I’m all dirty.”

“Mmm… dirty.” He teases, nuzzling into the back of your neck and breathing in deeply. “You smell fantastic.”

Arousal begins to tingle within you and it’s a surprise that you don’t have to fight against it.

“God, I like you so much,” Jimin whispers into your neck. A hard nudge against your backside reminds you that maybe you need to fight it for just a little longer so you don’t end up fucking another man under the greenhouse cameras.

“Easy,” you chastise, “Let’s get somewhere private, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jimin agrees, but decides to suck your earlobe into his mouth anyways.

The sleep pods are really the only option. It’s the only place on the ship without cameras. Luckily you have a few hours left before the gravity shuts off.

“Come on, let’s go,” Jimin says, as soon as the last tool is away, dragging you out of the greenhouse and down the hallway.

You get halfway down the corridor to the sleep pods when Jungkook and Taehyung walk out of the kitchen straight in front of the two of you. Chatter from the rest of the men carries from the kitchen doorway just a few meters down.  

“Hey Jimin,” Jungkook asks, “do you have a minute?”

Jimin looks at Jungkook then looks at you then looks down to where he is holding your hand. “No,” Jimin says laughing. “No, Jungkook, I do not have a minute just now. Important R&R time.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen as he gathers the full implication of Jimin’s words. The back of your neck heats up as both Taehyung and Jungkook eye the two of you up and down. You burn even hotter when you realize that all the conversation in the kitchen has stopped too.

“Oh shit, sorry.” Jungkook mutters, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down at the floor. “It can wait.”

Taehyung glances between the three of you and wraps an arm around Jungkook’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s leave these two alone for now.” His voice is cheery and teasing, but the mirth doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

Jimin squeezes your hand harder as you weave around the two other men and keep moving for the sleep pods. You can’t bear to look in at the men in the kitchen and turn your head as you pass.

Your nerves and regrets only dissipate when you close the door to Jimin’s pod behind you. Finally it feels like the two of you are alone.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” Jimin murmurs as he cups your cheek in his hand and pulls you in for a kiss.

Kissing Jimin continues to be as magnificent today as it was yesterday. His lips are soft and warm and the way he moans against your mouth has heat coursing through you. You wind your fingers into his soft dark hair and breathe in all the delicious pheromones rolling off his skin.

“I, um,” Jimin tries to speak in the gaps between your kisses, “I asked Jin to calibrate the CO2 monitors for two people.” His hand finds the top of the zipper to your jumpsuit. “So we should be good to go.”

Good to go. No more barriers or obstacles. You can finally fuck one of your crew members without repercussions. Is that it? It feels almost too easy. You just signed a paper and now you were fucking?

Jimin trails kisses along your jaw as he unzips your jumpsuit, pulling it down around your ankles and there’s very little left before this is actually happening. Then his own jumpsuit is down around his ankles too.

“Shit.” He grips himself through his underwear, cock bulging through the soft black fabric, just like in his video. “Do we need a condom?”

“No,” you shake your head. “Not like we have any anyways.”

“Oh right.” He’s pulling off your shirt and undoing your bra.

He pauses to admire you as you stand in only your underwear, palming himself through his briefs. “You’re perfect,” he whispers and kisses you again.

You’re having some trouble getting out of your own head. For something you’ve been waiting on for two years, this feels quite sudden. But it’s not like there were any dates you could have here. What would you do on a date? Go sit and stare at a room you have already sat in for a thousand hours? Surrounded by your crew?

You tug his shirt off in an effort to get your head back in the game. Those abs were still there. You run your finger along them and smile. Jimin flexes a little and you giggle.

He smiles proudly. “I’ve waited so long for this.” He strips off his briefs and stands naked in front of you. You reach out and take him in your hand, enjoying the weight and warmth of his erection. He kisses you again as his own fingers slip inside your underwear. “You’re so wet,” he whispers.

It’s a bit of an exaggeration. You are wet enough, but not dripping. But that is changing quickly as he circles your clitoris with his thumb. You tug down your underwear to give him more room.

He groans and kisses you again as he slides two fingers inside you, curling them up in a way that has you nearly buckling over with long-denied pleasure. He picks you up under your buttocks and wraps your legs around him as your back collides with the wall.

But the loud clang of you colliding with the wall of the sleep pod distracts you. Could the rest of the crew hear you right now? Were they all thinking about what you were doing in here?

“Can I?” Jimin pants, hard dick nudging against your naked core.

“Yes, yes.” You want him inside you, you want him to fuck you against this wall so hard that you just stop thinking about everything.

“Oh my god,” he groans as he slides into you. He gets a little stuck part way as you aren’t quite wet enough, but a few shallow strokes in and out get him slick enough to slide all the way in. “God, you feel amazing.”

It does feel incredible to be full again, to be fucked again. You moan at each thrust.

“Can I come inside you?”

“Yeah, yeah,”

“You’re on the pill?”

You pause before nodding. “Yeah.” It would be kind of a mood killer to explain your tubal ligation right now. You can have that conversation later.  You suppose there will be quite a lot of time with Jimin now to explain everything.

“Fuck, I’m too close.” Jimin grunts. “It’s been so long. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” you reassure him as he bounces you up and down on his dick. He feels amazing, has felt amazing.

“Come with me,” he pleads. He doesn’t have a free hand to touch you since he’s too busy holding you up against the wall, so you slip your own fingers down to your clitoris. He groans, resting his head on your shoulder. “Are you close?”

You were getting there, but weren’t quite there yet.

“Fuck, please, I’m not going to make it.” He fucks into you harder, getting more breathless. You speed up your hand, trying to get to the edge for him. He was working so hard.

You going to come for me? You close your eyes and hear Yoongi’s voice in your head instead.

“I’m close,” you moan out loud and Jimin gives a sigh of relief.

What a good girl. Yoongi whispers in your head as you use the memory to push you to your end. Such a slut for her whole crew. That’s it. I‘ve got you, little girl. Greedy little slut.

Your orgasm crashes over you just as Jimin goes rigid in your arms, spilling himself inside you. He gasps against your shoulder as he presses you hard against the wall. Endorphins flood your system and you feel like you’re going to collapse. Jimin’s legs wobble as he sets you down on the ground.

“Wow,” Jimin sighs as you both slide naked to the floor, limbs entangled in each other. “That was amazing.” He gives you a soft sleepy kiss. “I think the next twelve years of my life just got a whole lot better.”

Yup. Yoongi’s sarcasm echoes in your head. Twelve fucking years.

----

Part 6

[kookscrescent]

BTS Reaction │ Your child finds your condoms

➤ request│⇣

➤ pairing│bts x female reader ➤ rating│R ➤ genre│reaction, dirty minded, humor ➤ warnings│talks of condoms, established relationship, some dirty humor ➤ release date│January 30th 2020 ➤ disclaimer│This is all fiction! Nothing mentioned/written are facts and/or real! So please just keep that in mind when reading and enjoy! Thank you ♡

⇥ Masterlist // Reaction Masterlist 

JUNGKOOK 

It’s Saturday, your day off from work, but it’s cleaning day at the house. With Izza running around the house, spreading her toys in every single room and the various of crumbs she leaves behind her like a little trail, it’s over due. 

Luckily, Jungkook is home to help you. “Baby, can you take this box into Izza’s room?” you ask him, holding out a box of her toys. 

“Of course,” he replies instantly, taking the box. He kisses our cheek before disappearing down the hall. 

You sigh. That’s the living room. Now you only need to finish the rest of the house... 

You follow Jungkook's path down the hall, past Izza’s room where you see him bend down and putting away her toys. Your heart swells at the sight. He’s such a good father and husband, and even though he works himself endlessly hard all the time, he still comes home with the biggest smile, ready to be Izza’s father. 

Commotion coming from behind your bedroom door catches your attention. Cracking it open, it reveals your daughter with both hands and most of her small head down in the draw of Jungkook’s bedside table. On the floor next to her is most of the content from said draw. 

“Isabella!” you scold catching her attention, “what do you think you are doing, young lady?” 

She jumps slightly not having heard you coming in, and turns around with big eyes. In one hand she holds the charger to Jungkook’s phone and in the other she holds a pack of condoms. 

Wait what?! 

“Oh my god!” you shriek, “Izza drop that right now!” you scurry towards her and she drops both things on the floor. 

You can see the tears welling up in her eyes and as you reach the mess on the floor, Jungkook makes his appearance.

“What’s going on?” He asks, stepping into the room. He eyes his daughter and the mess in front of her. His eyes go wide. He’s clearly spotted the condoms. “Oh!” 

Picking up Isabella, you hand her one to Jungkook. “I’m sorry,” she tells you, her lower lip wobbling. 

Jungkook pulls her closer and kisses the top of her head, “Do you remember what we have talked about?” he asks her and she shakes her head, “you can’t go into mommy and daddy’s room without permission, remember?” she nods. 

“What do you say to mommy then?” 

“I’m sowry.” 

“It’s okay darling, but no more okay.” She nods and Jungkook puts her down, telling her to go put away her toys in her room. 

“Why do you even have these?” you waft the condoms in the space between you, “we don’t even use condoms.” 

TAEHYUNG

“Mommy can i play on your phone?” Jayden asks you, his small figure appearing at your side. 

“Of course sweetheart. It’s in my purse over there,” you tell him and he scurries towards it with a spring in his step. 

You return to the conversation at the table. You have come to Jimin’s house for lunch and you’ve just about finished. 

“Thank you for the lovely lunch, Jimin,” you thank him. 

“You’re welcome,” he replies, setting down his utensils, “it was about time. It’s always you and Tae treating the rest of us.” 

“It’s our pleasure,” Taehyung replies taking the words right out of your mouth. 

Behind you, you can hear Jayden groaning and sighing in frustration before he calls your name, “Mommy i can’t find it,” he whines. 

Turning in your seat you face him, “It’s in that little pocket there,” you point and he instantly unzips the pocket. 

You face the table again. “When do you go back to rehearsals?” you ask. 

“Monday,” Taehyung replies. 

“We have to go through the choreography a few mo-” 

Jimin is interrupted by Jayden, who once again appears next to you with something in his hand that is not your phone. “Mommy, what’s this?” 

Your eyes nearly bulge out of your head when you realize he’s got a condom in his hands. Quickly you take it from him. 

“It’s a ballon!” you lie, while Jimin and Taehyung almost die trying to keep in their laughter.

Jaydens eyes light up, “A balloon!” he yells excited, “can we blow it up?” 

Taehyung fails to not laugh and bursts out, Jimin following right behind him. “No Jayden, we can’t!” 

“Why not?” 

You look to Taehyung for help, your eyes pleading and sharp. He clears his throat, “Because Jimin doesn't like balloons,” he tells him, obviously lying, “so we can’t blow it up.”

“Oh,” he pouts and walks away disappointed. 

You sink into the chair, and close your eyes. 

“You’re right Tae,” Jimin says making you open your eyes again to look at him, “I really don’t like those type of balloons.” 

JIMIN 

“I’m home!” you call though the house, getting no answer. 

You frown. You know for a fact that Jimin is home because he’s been looking after your daughter all day. Kicking off your shoes, you walk to the kitchen to find Jimin with his mouth full of food and no child in sight. 

“Hey,” you greet him, kissing his cheek, “where’s Esther?” 

“In her room, playing,” he mumbles with his mouth full. 

You crunch your nose in disgust, “Don’t talk with your mouth full Jimin.” 

“Sorry,” he laughs, “Good day at work?”

“Yeah, a little busy, but good,” you reply around a yawn. “I’m gonna go change,” you tell him already halfway out of the kitchen, “did Esther have lunch yet?” you call out to him. 

“Yup!” he yells back and you don't bother answering him. 

Entering your bedroom, you throw your bag and jacket on the bed and head for the bathroom. You debate whether to take a shower now or wait till later after dinner, and in the end your laziness wins and after dinner it is. 

You still decide to quickly wash your face though. It’s been a long night shift at work and scrubbing all the dirt off your face is much needed. Especially with a three year old running around the house. 

Splashing some water on your face, you give it a good scrub and pat your face dry after. You head commotion coming from the bedroom and thinking it’s Jimin, you call his name, “Jimin?” 

No answer comes but the commotion continues. You try again, “Jimin is that you?” No answer. That weird, you think. 

Leaving the towel on the counter, you head back into the bedroom. Jimin isn't there but the noises still continue. It’s coming from the other side of the bed. Hesitantly you walk closer, cautious that an animal may have gotten in through one of the windows. 

Rounding the corner, you peak around the bed only to see Esther playing with two of her doll on the floor. You sigh in relief. 

“Esther, baby, you scared mommy,” you say as you crouch down next to her. 

“Look mommy,” she cutely shouts, “dolly’s gotten a new purse,” she shows you a small golden square and your brows knit together. Did Jimin buy her a new toy? You haven't bought her anything. 

“Can mommy see that?” you ask her and hold out your hand. She places the golden square in the palm of your hand and instantly you freeze and ball up your hand, hiding the square that is an empty condom wrapper. 

“Mommy purse ruined,” she cries, her hands reaching for it. 

Pulling away your hand, you try to comfort her, “I’m sorry honey, daddy will get you a new one okay? An even better one.” you promise her, all the while you are killing Jimin in your head for not remembering to throw away the wrapper. 

NAMJOON

For once you’ve left Namjoon home alone with your five year old son Jamie. 

Namjoon is often away for work, and whenever he’s at home you like to give the two of them some father and son time together. So you’ve taken the day off and gone to the spa with some of your girlfriends and left him to the parenting duties. 

He was excited from the moment he woke up that morning. Having already planned out their day and what they were going to do. 

They’ve returned from their walk along the Han River and are now having lunch in the living room by the television. 

“Don’t tell your mom that I let you eat in the living room okay?”

“Why not?” he asks curiously. 

“Because mommy doesn't like crumbs. So it’ll just be our little secret, okay buddy?”

He nods, “Okay daddy.”

After a while, they both clear their plates and Jamie is in no mood to sit down a be quiet. He is ready to run around and play with his dad. Namjoon on the other hand is about ready to fall asleep. 

“Why don’t you go get some of your toys from your room. We can play in here,” Namjoon tells him as he lies down on the couch. 

Jamie doesn't need to be told twice. He run to his room and returns seconds after with his arms filled with toys that he dumps in front of the couch. “Here daddy, you play with this one,” he hands Namjoon a small figurine, while he bounces a firetruck along the wooden floors making loud car noises. 

That’s gonna leave scratches in the wood... 

Busying himself with playing, Namjoon takes the opportunity to close his eyes for just a few seconds. But just as he’s about to drift into dream land, Jamie wakes him, “What’s this?” 

“What’s what?”

“This,” Namjoon squints his eyes open to see a blurry square in Jamies hands, but he cant see it properly. 

He turns, fully facing him and a string of curse words almost leaves his lips, “That’s, that’s... for gum!” he lies eyeing the unopened condom square in his sons hand, “I’ll throw that away!” 

Springing from the couch, Namjoon grabs the condom faster than Jamie can blink and sprints to the kitchen to throw it away. 

That was close! Nervously her retinues to the living room and crouch down next to Jamie who doesn't even seem phased - he’s just playing with the firetruck like nothing happened. 

“Listen... this is another thing we don’t tell mommy about okay.”

“The gum?” Jamie quirks. 

“Yes the gum. We don’t tell mommy about that because daddy is going to be in a lot of trouble if we do.” 

“Okay daddy, I won’t tell her. It’s secret,” he cheekily smiles at Namjoon. 

“Yes, it’s secret,” he breaths relieved. 

HOSEOK 

“What in the world?” you mumble confused when you enter the bathroom. 

An almost empty box of condoms is lying on the floor with opened wrappers all around it and a few unused condoms sticking to the tiled floor. 

“What?!” you’re confused. You know for a fact that Hoseok hasn't been unfaithful to you, because he has been with you all day long, in fact this bathroom break is the only time you’ve really separated today, because you’ve spent most of the day cooped up on the couch watching movies while Josephine has been playing in either her room or has watched the movie with you. 

Bending down, you notice that there is also water all over the floor, running all the way towards the bathtub and the toilet. And one of the condoms are half filled with water. 

“Oh god,” you groan already knowing what has happened, “Hoseok!” you yell out. 

“Yeah?” he yells back. 

“Can you come here for a second please!” 

It takes him only seconds to reach the bathroom, and he halts with his brows raised in question upon seeing you crouched on the floor and the mess before you. “What happened in here?” he asks, “Are those condoms?!” 

“They are,” you sigh getting up, “and Jo happened in here.” 

“Jo?” he almost chokes. 

“I think she got in the cupboard and thought it was water balloons,” you rub your face with your hands, “where is she?” you ask him. 

“In her room i think,” he gestures with his thumb towards the door, “I’ll clean up in here, you go check that she hasn’t also made a mess of her bedroom.” 

He pecks your cheek before you part ways, and when you reach Jo’s bedroom you find her sitting on her bed with one of her books. 

“Jo did you make a mess in the bathroom?” you ask her already knowing the answer. 

“No...” she lies timidly. 

“Jo,” you say a little more stern, “lying is bad. Did you make a mess in the bathroom?” 

“Yes...” 

“Why did you make a mess in the bathroom?” 

She doesn't look you in the eyes as she talks, “I wanted water balloons,” she tells you and you can see her lower lip starting to tremble. 

“And they didn't work?” she shakes her head still not looking at you, “those aren't water balloons honey. Those are... those are not water balloons,” you’ve never been good at lying. 

“Then what are they?” she asks, this time looking at you. 

“That’s not important,” you brush off the question, “what’s important is that you made a mess and didn't clean up after yourself or asked one of us for help, and that you didn't ask permission first.” 

Hoseok appears in the doorway and Jo looks at him with sad eyes. She’s always been a daddy’s girl. “I’ve gotten rid of the con- uh the balloon things,” he tells you. 

“Is there still water on the floor?” he nods and you turn to Josephine, “you’re going to go help daddy clean up all the water, okay.” 

“Okay...” she pouts hoping off the bed and walks to her dad. He takes her small hand in his and leads her to the bathroom. 

You sigh. Well that could have been a lot worse, you think. 

YOONGI

It’s always hectic being backstage at a bts concert. People are always running around like headless chickens, trying to get everything ready for show start. 

The boys have just finished their last song for the night and have said goodbye to the crowd. They are loud and rowdy in the dressing room, and yours and Yoongi's son, Daniel, whom was calm and asleep just seconds ago, is now just as loud and rowdy as his dad. 

Wide eyed you watch as he runs around after his uncles and a hope that he will tire himself before you head home is coming to life. 

Daniel runs towards you, “Mommy, mommy, mommy!” he yells excited. 

“Yes buddy?”

“Can I have this gum? Please, please, please!” he begs and you don’t pay much attention to it and tells him he can. 

He runs away again with the gum in hand to show his uncles. You sink further back into the couch and close your eyes. You aren't really tired but you could sleep if you were given the chance to. 

“Hey there little man,” you recognize Yoongi's voice even with your eyes closed, “what’ve you got there?” you hear him ask. 

“Gum,” Daniel tells him proudly and you hear Yoongi pick him up. 

“Gum huh?” he sounds uncertain, “who gave you this gum?”

Daniel points to you in the couch, “Mommy said i could have it.”

“Mommy said you could have it huh,” Yoongi puts him down again, “can daddy see it for just a minute buddy?” when Daniel hesitates, wanting the gum to himself, Yoongi promises to bring him back to packs of gum instead and he hands it over. 

“Thank you,” you hear Yoongi say before his footsteps heads towards you. 

Your startled when he something light is thrown in your lap. You open your eyes to see an unopened condom in your lap. You frown at Yoongi, “Why are you throwing a condom at me?”

“That’s the gum you said Daniel could have.” 

“What?” you shriek, “I didn't say he could...” remembering you didn't pay much attention to what he was holding, you shut up, “shit...” you groan. 

“Don’t worry,” Yoongi reassures you, “he doesn't know what it is and he luckily didn’t open it. But now we owe him two packs of gum,” he tells you with a crocked smile. 

SEOKJIN

Another day of practicing has gone by for the boys and another day has come for you and Hailey to pick him up from there. Or at least that’s what Hailey says - that you’re going to pick up daddy. 

She always gets excited to go pick him up from there. Not only does she get to see her dad after a long day, she also gets to see her six uncles who spoils her rotten at times. 

She immediately lets go of your hand as soon as the door to the practice room comes into her view. Sprinting towards it, she opens it and instantly yells out for her dad. 

Seokjin whirls around, a light layer of sweat covering his skin. He looks exhausted but still he yells out for Hailey with just as much enthusiasm, “Hailey, my princess!” 

Gathering her in his arms, he swings her around while hugging her close to him and kissing her cheeks.

“I missed you daddy!” she laughs and tries to swat him away when he keeps kissing her. 

“I missed you too,” he tells her and plants another kiss to her rosy cheeks, “where’s mommy?” 

She points to you by the door and he sets her down on the floor, and before he can tell her anything further, she runs in the direction on Taehyung and Hoseok loudly laughing. 

“Hey baby,” Seokjin greets you with a kiss on the lips, “I missed you too,” he tells you. 

“Missed you. Good practice?” you ask, hugging yourself closer to him. You don’t care that he’s sweating. You missed him and want to be near him. 

“Yeah, we got the final moves strung together, so i’d say it was a success, but if you ask Hobi he might say otherwise,” he laughs and you both watch as Hailey abandons Taehyung and Hoseok to explore the room.

“I’m sure it was a success,” you assure him. 

“Daddy, mommy,” Hailey sings wanting your attention, “look what i found.” She holds up a string of golden condom wrappers - unopened and you nearly choke on air. 

“I found Christmas decorations!” She happily declares for the whole room to hear. 

You nudge Jin in the side with your elbow and he rushes towards her while the rest of the room is in fits of laughter. 

“What are those... uh Christmas decorations doing here?” he nervously asks taking them from her. 

He bundles them up and throw them to Jimin across from him, “It’s not even Christmas.”

Hailey is clueless and just laughs at her dads silly expressions, while you on the other hand is trying to calm your rapidly beating heart. 

“Why do you even have... Christmas decorations in the practice studio?!” you hiss at them. 

They all look to Jimin who stands there and shrugs his shoulders a cheeky smile on his lips, “What? You gotta be prepared in all situations.” 

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