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flying-elliska · 3 years

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Shadow and Bone Season 1 Review

Ok so I got distracted by a need to watch all of Ben Barnes' filmography (lmao) but here is my review : It was really fun to watch and it was clearly made with love which is already the main thing with YA fantasy, which is often turned into a soulless moneygrab when put on screen. The actors were GREAT. I did think that the Crows suffered from being mashed up with the Shadow and Bone story, but they were still a highlight. I also think it was a bit rushed, esp. when it came to Alina's training. The costumes were beautiful, I want a kefta now. Plus the crossover fanfic interactions btw the SaB characters and the Crows were just pure joy. Also Milo, obviously <3 I'm in hyperfixation mode so here, have an essay :

The "Shadow and Bone" Characters :

- Jessie Mei Li !!!!!! She really made me like Alina so much more than in the books, she absolutely is the 'human embodiment of literal sunshine' and she was a joy to watch. Her character's arc is cliché but her acting is so expressive and endearing, I really felt for her all the way through. (maybe I'm biased bc Jessie talking about her ADHD and seeing her thrive at the same time is like!!! i love them they deserve all the best.) I like that they made Alina more proactive - even though she does make some stupid decisions... but I just don't understand people who put that down as bad writing, like ??? have you ever met a real person who only makes wise, good decisions ?? a character like that would either be at the end of their story or just in the background because that makes them static. The things with the maps in the beginning does a good job of illustrating how she is just this one girl making rash, erratic decisions out of fear and loyalty and doesn't have a sense of the bigger picture, caught in the tide of bigger events. It works for her character. When it comes to the choice of making her half-Shu, I do think it really makes sense re: her character feeling like an outsider but I do understand the criticisms that the microaggressions felt too relentless and one-note. I am really looking forward to them introducing Tamar and Tolya and hopefully connecting to them over her heritage in a more positive way.

- Mal in the books was one of the most annoying YA characters I've ever come across, so I really liked that they made him much more of a loyal, devoted friend. I found his relationship with Alina cute, it really gives us the sense that these are two orphans who found a home in each other, childhood best friends (and potential sweethearts) separated by war, two army grunts and ordinary people caught up in the wheels of power and war that usually crushes people like them, it's a great way to introduce the dynamics of their world and it's a trope that always makes me emo. It felt a bit too one note to me, though, and too heavily on the nose, like Mal's only personality was his attachment to Alina (and his resentment towards the Grisha) and too much of her emotional arc also relied on him. Them hitting us over the head with the meadow scenes felt like pure telling instead of showing and it ended up being super repetitive and kind of annoying. I am willing to like this pairing, but I wanted more scenes of them just having conversations about things and really understanding why they like each other beyond the whole childhood friends bond that we're asked to accept exists at the beginning. So I hope there's more depth there in next seasons.

- Ben Barnes!!!! Just jksdfhgkdjghdf. I'm not a big villain stan usually and I hated the Darkling in the books but DAMN his performance is just amazing. They managed to make him more sympathetic and human while at the same time making clear the stuff he does is deeply horrible. There's the Magneto-aspect of 'well clearly his methods are fucked up but he's addressing a terrible injustice nobody is doing anything about' that makes it very tempting to root for him ; and again, well, like, Ben Barnes is so hot and charismatic it feels uncomfortable (which I guess is part of the point lol). His loss of humanity is, up to a point, understandable, brought about by despair, loneliness, grief and a sense of powerlessness - living so long he starts to see other people as disposable, losing so many people he stops caring, seeing over and over how hate never seems to stop, etc. It's a logical explanation for going insane.

But the hunger for power is also very much present as a motivation and this ambiguity is there constantly. Does he maybe come to genuinely care for Alina or is it totally bullshit ? I think he does, he's just so fucked up that it comes out as possessiveness and a need to control her. He wants Alina to be his equal but he's incapable of treating her that way. It's tragic, in a sense, but the show doesn't excuse his actions either. Like his monstrosity is a product of this world full of injustice, yes, and that warrants some compassion, monsters are always a symptom of their environment in some ways and dehumanizing them completely is an excuse ; but at the same time, he sabotaged his own cause anyway the moment he started to treat other people like things, as he does with Alina, because that just perpetuates the cycle of violence and hate. At some point he started feeling like he was the only solution and he was owed power for his sacrifices, and he's using his cause as an excuse. When Alina came to him, there was a possibility for redemption, taking down the Fold, and it's a test because there is finally someone on his level of power. But instead of seeking to remedy the power imbalance between them, he made it worse, by lying to her, manipulating her, etc, and the antler collar is the ultimate sign of this.

I love those scenes towards the end (the antler-based body horror has big Hannibal vibes, so messed up). I like Alina telling him they could have had this, that she had compassion for him and his cause, that they could have worked together, and he's the one responsible for screwing it up and this time his claim that he's the misunderstood victim ("Make me your villain") appears delusional and self-serving instead of somewhat justified. The almost-lovers to enemies vibes, the sense of lost potential, and the angst of the whole 'oh you could finally have been loved by people, too bad you fucked it up !', very juicy. There is this fundamental idea that power/respect/love is not something you are owed no matter how good your intentions are or because you're strong or you have suffered or you're willing to commit horrible drastic actions, you have to keep proving you deserve it, and trying to claim power without responsibility of care turns you into a monster. The thing with the stag was an excellent metaphor of the fact that there's things you can't take, they have to be given to you, and the wonderful power there is in understanding that is what allows Alina to harness the stag amplifier's power. This is really when she escapes his grim utilitarian outlook and a different way forward and owns her own power fully on her own terms.

Anyway I hope Alina gets to beat the shit out of him at some point that would be very sexy but I'm also looking forward to see how their arcs parallel and diverge from each other as Alina starts to grapple more with the implications of her power and the harsh dilemmas of war and her own dark side. I want to see him become scared of her, and I feel it will be more visible than in the books where he just has this cold aggressive facade all the time. This one feels a lot more openly emotional which is just a lot more interesting.

- As for the other characters ; Zoya mostly made me sad. The actress has the perfect vibes but I'm not sure I love their take on her character so far, it does make sense in terms of the later books - that she has internalized prejudice regarding her mixed-race heritage, that she is jealous of Alina because of how hard she's fought to get where she is and Alina kind of takes it away from her, etc. But I would have liked to see a bit more of her being badass and sharp-tongued in a clever (even if mean) way instead of spending most of her time being rejected by men and being racist towards Alina. I did like the ending though, of her actually seeing the monstrosity of the Darkling in action and the mention of her aunt. And her brief bonding with Inej was great, just because it was badass but also maybe because it could be a part of Zoya learning to accept her Suli heritage in turn, maybe not right away but in time, when thinking of that part of herself, she won't only think of her parents' ruined marriage and all the pain it caused, but also of that badass and brave acrobat girl who went toe to toe with these really scary monsters without even having any powers and !!!!!

- Also Leigh's cameo was so cute and as an aspiring writer this is just such wish fulfillment

- I honestly think that having the Crows there actually made the S&B story better ? Not only in terms of the much needed levity breaks but also in terms of themes. For instance, Matthias and Nina's story gave us a really raw and visceral view of how the Grisha are hunted. And Inej's relationship to Alina really gave us a sense of what Alina actually means to people who believe in the Saints in a way that doesn't feel just like 'ugh those superstitious people' because we know that Inej's faith is part of what makes her who she is and a person with morals, and something that saw her through the worst moments of her life. It feels so special that she got to meet Alina and given a sign that maybe the world is not completely shitty. And Alina's kindness towards Inej really gives you a sense that she might be, or become worthy of that belief in time, or at least that she wants to, that she's figuring out her power to really touch people's lives might be a good thing, and that she's starting to accept this responsibility more fully. And her arming Inej is a nice parallel to that. I'm very emotional about this scene, because one of the first things we see of young Alina is her taking out a knife to defend Mal from the bullies, because she's protective and brave, but she's also aware the world is a shitty place, and so her giving that knife to Inej is a sort of spiritual transmission and recognition of sorts, that she trusts Inej with that fighting power, that she'll use this knife to defend herself and her loved ones and not abuse it. It's so interesting. And a counter point to the Darkling's fucked up relationship to power that Alina might at some point get afraid she'll replicate. That you could see Alina trying to gather followers and using people's admiration for her like he did but instead she sets them free and empowers them. It's great. And I feel that when Inej takes to the seas, she'll think about Alina. (I do hope somebody tells her Alina's not dead at some point though god). Girls giving each other knives is my spirituality, honestly.

- And I also noticed an interesting parallel between Kaz and the Darkling in terms of being two emo dudes who like to wear black, are prone to violence and have a thing for two very powerful women they think are special and want to have at their side, but of course, they go about it in very different ways. The Darkling comes at it from a place of power while Kaz comes from a place of utter powerlessness, first of all, and he understands why it's important to set Inej free. Him spending the entire season trying to earn enough money to pay off Inej's indenture is the opposite to the Darkling putting that collar on Alina and while I do have issues with how the show portrays him, I do love that. Love is about setting the person you love free !!!! And that confrontation scene was so powerful, when Kaz tells the Darkling Alina was tired of being a captive ! Drag him !

- As for Genya, I liked the actress and her chemistry with Alina, but I'm not sure they did a great job of making her arc very clear, for instance what it means for her to get that red kefta, her relationship with the other Grisha, etc. Her and David are already very cute though. Also very much looking forward to see where that goes.

So yeah I think they did a great job with this bit actually, I enjoyed a lot more than I think I would and even though it is a very tropey story, there's plenty of depth there too.

The Crows :

- I'm a bit more nitpicky about this because I care about these characters so much. I think overall the problem is that the SaB story in the books happens on this massive scale with enormous stakes, and that next to that the Crows' issues feel less important ; it's like their impact is distorted by the gravity of the much larger story. Like for instance, Kaz in the books is very much at the center of everything, this larger than life trickster figure who knows and controls almost everything by sheer cleverness, and he has this sense of allure and mystique that can't happen here, and so his aura just shrinks. On top of that they're not on their home turf. Being introduced to these characters before they've reached their full levels of badass is weird - there is a reason why prequels generally happen after the main stuff, because they count on the love you have for these characters at their full potential to make you interested in their story when they were less badass and interesting. So I had several moments where I was like 'oh this feels wrong'. Tbh the idea that they would even volunteer to kidnap Alina in the first place, what with Inej's backstory, feels kind of wrong, esp since they had no idea of what would happen to her if they succeeded.

- But I still enjoyed a lot of it though, especially the fact that they were this force of chaos in the midst of this bigger narrative that's a lot more self-serious. The bits with the train, or the circus acts were very clever. A lot of the best moments in the show happen when they come to disturb the other plot in unexpected ways. I'm still dead over the whole 'Alina jumps into their carriage' scene, that was fucking gold. The team up at the end !!!! Alina and Kaz making a deal ! Inej stabbing the Darkling !!!! Them stealing the Darkling's carriage !!! They don't give a shit that the story is supposed to be super dramatic it's great.

- Jesper is the one character they completely nailed from start to finish and he's probably my favorite part of the whole show. He's very funny without being reduced to the role of comic relief ; he's just so! damn! cool!!!!!!! I honestly feel this is a thing they actually did even better than in the books, or at least Six of Crows where I felt Jasper kind of disappeared behind Kaz and they insist a lot on his flaws and issues. So before we dig more into those problems I love that they gave him time to be this ultra badass who saves the day several times ; while at the same time, hinting at further developments like his powers or his gambling issues. Kit Young is just perfect, confident without being arrogant, a bit cold when it comes to crime while at the same time being so obviously caring with Inej - I loved their friendship, that was so sweet. My main criticism is that they should have made it clearer he was bi because there are already people calling him gay and that's very annoying. I know some people had a problem with his hookup and like...I can see it's a bit of a cliché...the charming badass bisexual adventurer....it's a trope I kind of love though lmao and the scene itself felt kind of cute and fun. He's not the only person who is shown to have an active sexuality and he's also not the only queer person around and we know he's going to have a more substantial romantic arc later so eh. On a larger note I loved the little casual hints of completely normalized queerness - Nadia thirsting over Zoya, Fedyor and Ivan, Poppy, etc. Having grown up with fantasy where queerness was either completely erased or very tormented and problematic, this was refreshing as hell.

- Inej and Kaz...my faves... They have a kind of relationship which feels so rare and unique in terms of what exists on TV and while I don't feel they entirely replicated it, the core is still there - the mutual respect and building of trust, the longing, the repression, the trauma, etc. One thing I really like is their arc around faith - in the books, Kaz is dismissive of Inej's faith in ways that often feel really shitty and I like that he learns to be more respectful of it. It's very much linked to hope/survival ; Inej keeps this token from her parents and she hopes to find them again ; Kaz tells her it's no use and she'll survive better if she gives up. He believes Alina is a fake, while Inej wants to believe that myths can come true and there is hope for good things in the world. Kaz comes to accept that Alina is the real deal and, out of respect for Inej's faith, to stop pursuing her. I loved the bit about Inej struggling to kill as well - it's the dilemma of what her survival and that of the people she really cares about are worth in such a shitty world - her compassion is a good part of her but so is her survival instinct, and that's the part Kaz represents - that even after she's been through hell, broken in unfathomable ways, even if she gave up all hope and faith in the world, even she becomes dangerous and ruthless to survive, she will still deserve dignity, and to be treated better. And meanwhile she is willing to break her principles, which she holds so dearly, to save him, when he's never had anyone who cared for him like that - enough to keep him alive. That bit in the church !!!!! God !!!!!! Bye !!!!!!! And then him basically calling her his own version of a Saint, that he doesn't believe in miracles but he does believe in her !!! It's very emblematic of their whole arc ; he empowers her to survive in a ruthless world and loves her at her most dangerous ; but he loves her laugh too, he finds her a ship and her parents, he honors her capacity for love and hope even when he can't share it. And she sees that he's capable of doing better, that he's worth caring for. This whole thing kills me honestly and I can't wait to see where they take this next. I'm not mad they're a bit more soft and obvious than in the books, Kaz would just have come across as an an asshole otherwise.

- That said, there are bits of how they introduced their backstories I don't like. I get that making it so Inej was still tied to the Menagerie gave them a very powerful reason to want to kidnap Alina beyond greed so that they wouldn't look like very shitty people. But in the books Inej is terrified by the idea of simply seeing Heleen or the Menagerie and the way they have her interact with her feels weirdly casual and dismissive of her trauma. Also, in the books, the fact that Kaz had to convince Per Haskell to buy Inej's contract through a lot of effort, that he wasn't the one holding that above her head either, made the power dynamics more palatable. I especially disliked the scene where Kaz says he won't free other girls because just Inej is special, it makes him look like he has the power but he's just too much of a callous asshole to do it, and that he just freed Inej because he liked her which is absolutely not what their relationship is about at the start, it's a lot more about seeing Inej's dangerous side behind a facade of powerlessness and relating to her, in a sense, and this scene made it all feel cheap.

- Also, what was that about Inej having a brother ? Not a fan of that either. I'm afraid they're going to make her story all about finding what happened to him, and that's 1) too on the nose similar to Kaz's story and 2) it kind of cheapens her own arc, a female character realizing that what was done to her was wrong, reclaiming her own power and dignity and then making sure it doesn't happen to anybody else, harnessing her personal experience to save strangers, that's so powerful - making it about a family member at first, especially if it's about revenge, it's so much more simplistic and unoriginal and the perspective really annoys me.

- Also not a fan of Per Haskell not being there because he's a very important part of Kaz's evolution, so I hope he shows up eventually - and the way they introduced Pekka Rollins was kind of like...weird and out of place. I just found the Crows' introduction scenes stilted and not as cool as they should have been - well, Jesper and Inej were very cool, but we needed to see Kaz in action first, we needed to see why he's such a menace before we see him flounder later, and I just...I don't know exactly but it didn't work for me. Also this is a very petty thing but I wasn't crazy about the Ketterdam sets, I know this is probably a budget thing but in my head it looked like this incredible mix of Amsterdam and Venice - specific locations in the book directly remind me of parts of Amsterdam I know very well - and instead what we got felt like this very generic London-ish fantasy setting....so boring. Also a lot of scenes that felt to exposition-y. I don't mind that Kaz was a bit softer than in the books, like many people have said some things work in books and don't work on a screen, and you need to make the character's inner dynamics more explicit. But I do agree that, at the same time, he should have been more ruthless towards people outside of his group. Loved that scene where he faces the Inferni though, and how well they illustrated his disability and aversion to touch.

- I don't have that much to say about Nina and Matthias ; I'm still not super sold on the whole 'haha misogyny!' thing and I dislike that so much of Matthias' change of heart relies on the fact that he finds Nina hot. But I did think that the actors had enough chemistry to make their scenes together interesting and cute ; I loved the waffle scene. Even though it's disappointing that they didn't find an actress who was more clearly plus size for Nina, I still think Danielle does a good job bringing her bold, unapologetic energy. I'm really looking forward to seeing the Crows as a whole team.

So yeah, even though the season didn't feel like a perfect, coherent whole, it was just a lot of fun and I really hope they get renewed. In particular I feel like tying the first trilogy to the Crows' story could create such interesting parallels in terms of themes, about power, the cost of survival, hope, trauma, etc etc

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #grishaverse #six of crows #leigh bardugo

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mutedsilence · 3 years

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I decided to create a post with links to all my work. They include summaries and the tag list. It’s under the split. I’ll update as I write more.

Or, here’s a link to my dashboard MutedSilence

The Towel Johnlock Domestic Fluff Domestic Pride Gay Sherlock Holmes Bisexual John Watson Towels Flags Words: 2,002 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: John and Sherlock have been living together for just about a year in this. Sherlock is given a towel from Mycroft for his birthday.

Ianto Sings Janto Dancing and Singing Singing Fluff Domestic Fluff Tooth-Rotting Fluff Words: 844 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Ianto is alone in the hub. He decides to start singing, he doesn't know he's not alone.

Soldier and his Detective Series Johnlock Mystrade New Meeting Fluff AU Kissing papa lestrade Worry Sherlock is a Brat Established Mystrade Protectiveness Protective Sibling Rivalry Texting Mycroft is really protective but a bit of a dick too Feelings almost break up First Dates John Watson in Afghanistan Homophobic Language Phone Calls email BAMF John Background Case Mycroft Being a Good Brother Sherlock Holmes Has Feelings Jealousy Words:45,738 Works:3 Complete:Yes

Summary: Sherlock is on a case. Just as he's about to be taken down by the suspect, a stranger takes down the suspect and Sherlock begins to fall for the blond stranger. (This is a story set in with a different meeting, John is on leave from the army and Sherlock has started his career with the met.)

Trying to Forget Ianto Janto The 456 Aftermath Grief/Mourning Drinking Jack Needs a Hug Hurt Jack Words: 438 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: So, in the doctor who episode - End of Time part 2 - the Doctor tips off Jack to Alonso. It takes place in a bar and I decided to carry it on.

Mission to Flirt Johnlock Pining John Fluff Angst with a Happy Ending Slow Burn Flirting Jealous Sherlock Oblivious John Mutual Pining First Kiss Hospitals Background Case Greg Lestrade & John Watson Friendship Sherlock Holmes Loves John Watson John Watson Loves Sherlock Holmes Bisexual John Watson Gay Sherlock Holmes Proud Greg Lestrade Words: 9,064 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Turns out John has been staring at Sherlock like a love sick teen. Greg decides that John just needs to flirt. So, he does. Sort of. He certainly tried to at least.

Fine. I admit, I love him. Johnlock Pining Texting Mycroft's Meddling Pining Sherlock Holmes AU Fluff References to Oscar Wilde Language of Flowers Background Case Distracted Sherlock Holmes Mycroft Being a Good Brother No Reichenbach Secret Admirer Sherlock Holmes Loves John Watson Oblivious John Words: 9,237 Chapters: 14/14

Summary: Mycroft has had enough of Sherlock's pining and decides to make him do something about it. Starting with Sherlock figuring out his feelings for John. ((Set before the Reichenbach fall))

Christmas at Holmes Manor Johnlock Mystrade Christmas Party Developing Johnlock AU Different First Meeting Mentions of drugs Depressed John Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism John has been discharged Developing Relationship First Kiss Developing Mystrade Mycroft is good with Children Words: 4,838 Chapters: 6/6 Collections: 1

Summary: Mummy is known for her Christmas parties at Holmes Manor. Sherlock hates the parties and tries to avoid them. This year he can't get out of it. He hates every second. But will he hate it after meeting an army captain?

Hannibal Montannibal Alternate Universe - Hannah Montana Fusion Pure and utter crack beggar's clay chicken inspired by a shitpost Will is a fanboy Hannibal in a dress and wig?? just go with it Ambiguous/Open Ending Words: 613 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Hannah Montana/Hannibal fusion. No one knows that Hannibal is Montannibal, that is until he invites Will Graham for dinner.

The Soul Patch IronStrange Soulmate AU Tumblr Prompt Heart Attacks First Kiss CPR Post-Doctor Strange (2016) Stephen saves Tony it's a little cheesy Words: 1,411 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Soulmate AU: Everyone is born with a black section of skin where their soulmate touches them skin-on-skin for the first time. When this happens, the mark changes to said soulmate’s eye color. Tony Stark and Stephen Strange both hate it because they’ve had to live with the stigma of having black lips all their lives. Tony goes into cardiac arrest at a gala, and Stephen ends up giving him CPR.The prompt I based this off. Set after the events of Doctor Strange (2016)

Who is Victor Trevor? Johnlock Teenlock Unilock Jealous John POV Sherlock Holmes victor is made up practice date First Dates Sherlock Holmes and John Watson Being Idiots Words: 3,256 Chapters: 1/1

Sherlock is in love with his best friend, John Watson. When confronted, Sherlock makes up Victor Trevor - a person that Sherlock wants to ask on a date. John offers to help by taking Sherlock on a practice date. The one thing Sherlock wants more than anything.

I Feel Like I Don’t Even Know Him! Johnlock Fake/Pretend Relationship Developing Relationship and Friendships Implied/Referenced Suicide AU Different First Meeting couples counselling It's For a Case Parental Greg Lestrade Protective Mycroft Holmes Slow Burn idiots to lovers Implied/Referenced Drug Use Miscommunication Eventual Happy Ending Did I Mention They Were Idiots? It's Sad Seriously It's Sad You Have Been Warned Words: 26,108 Chapters: 25/25

Summary: John is leaving therapy. Sherlock needs to get into the office of a couples counselor. A frantic Sherlock bumps into John as he's making his way out. John - with nothing better to do - agrees to pretend to be a stranger's boyfriend for the afternoon. Beats going home.

Let Me Share Your Pain IronStrange Hurt Stephen Strange Hurt Tony Stark Protective Stephen Strange Friends to Lovers Arguing First Kiss Hurt/Comfort Words: 3957 Chapter 1/1

Tony begins to feel stronger and better than ever. He doesn’t question it, not when his movements are quicker and his mind is sharper. His anxieties and pain appear to have diminished altogether. And the next time he’s facing a villain he finds there’s barely a scratch on him. Funnily enough Doctor Strange looks ten times worse himself after battles lately, even in ones he hardly has a hand in. Tony slowly discovers that Stephen cast a spell to absorb all of Tony’s injuries as his own.

I'll Tell You Until You Believe Me IronStrange Jealous Tony Stark Pining Pining Tony Stark Oblivious Stephen Strange First Kiss Love Confessions Insecurity Insecure Stephen Strange author projecting their insecurities onto the character check Words: 2231 Chapter 1/1

Stephen is quite popular, what with his status as sorcerer supreme, good looks and compassion. Stephen is oblivious to it all, chalking it up as just weird alien customs. One day, an interdimensional being aids Stephen and Tony in battle, flirting with Stephen the whole time. Tony feels protective of Stephen but lets it go for now (pre-relationship, Tony’s kinda jealous yes). Only this keeps happening and it builds up, Tony can’t take anymore and confronts Stephen about why he never shoots down nor reciprocates the advances of the inter-dimensional beings. Light angst where Stephen accidentally reveals that his obliviousness stems from his insecurities. He thinks Tony is pulling his leg.

Eastern Seaboard Ironstrange Established Relationship Bottom Tony Stark Established Tony/Stephen Is this crack?? Humour Tony's nicknames for the team Words: 717 Chapter 1/1

The only time Tony sees a hint of Stephen’s full power, without his moral limitations, is when they make love and Stephen’s magic accidentally causes an earthquake that knocks out the power of the whole eastern seaboard. Tony decides it's an achievement worthy of a nickname.

Super Fucking Long Sherlock Fic, Stop Being a Bitch and Finish It. Johnlock Slow Burn really really slow Angst Smut Fluff Eventual Sherlock Holmes/John Watson Unrequited Love mutual unrequited love Mutual Pining Violence Murder Case Fic Homophobia Homophobic Language POV Sherlock Holmes Idiots in Love they're really stupid and can't see past their noses but we love them Masturbation Oblivious Hate Crimes Hate Speech Hurt/Comfort Copping Off Coming Out Greg Lestrade & John Watson Friendship Sherlock Whump Words: 31,275 Chapter 48/?

Sherlock is bored out of his mind - luckily Lestrade has a string of murders. Even luckier - Sherlock and John have to go undercover in a gay bar, and John's in tight clothes. But what if going back into that scene reminds Sherlock of his uni days? And what if he reverts back to shameless pleasure behind clubs? What if John never returns his affections? A series of life-threatening problems could both bring them together, and drive them apart.

Our Journal Mystrade Developing Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade Lestrade Can Draw switching POV Slow Burn Fluff mystrade Mystrade is art Mycroft is a Softie Even if just in his head Words: 3,798 Chapter 6/?

When the sketch artist is off, Greg is asked to step in. Like any artist - he thinks he's no good and hates his work. Mycroft just so happens to be around to lend some paper. After becoming enraptured in Greg's drawing, Mycroft's once-dormant feelings begin to fester again.

#fanfic #bbc sherlock #mcu #torchwood #hannibal #SahD #FiAiLH #c@hm #IFLIDEKH!#LMSYP #ITYUYBM #SFLSFSBABAFI #OJ

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yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy · 6 years

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TBH I think Orochimaru's obsession with developing and discovering new jutsu is just a byproduct of his desire for immortality at any cost, and that his views of self-serving immortality was a gradual logical conclusion for him than an innate one.

Early Years

He was orphaned as a child and showed a desire to see his parents again. Hiruzen commented that the shed snake skin on his parents' graves is a symbol of rebirth and rejuvenation, and so Orochimaru naturally took that to heart and it became a motif of his fighting style and abilities. He grew up to see Jiraiya, despite being a fool, as a comrade, and he greatly respected Tsunade's chakra control and spirited nature (Orochimaru is far from a misogynist in any respect) as well as her ability to put Jiraiya in his place when he got too goofy. Orochimaru took Tsunade's little brother Nawaki under his wing, or at least doted on him as a friend of the Senju family or like an uncle. He was his sensei, so at least in an official capacity he had responsibilities toward him, responsibilities that were not inherently self-serving. And so he had at least four people (Hiruzen included) upon which he could say he was close to.

Nawaki's Death

While Orochimaru was a quietly confident, reserved, and cagey individual in his early years, Nawaki's horrible death shook him as much as it did Tsunade. For the first time since the death of his parents, he felt an emptiness and sorrow that he was unable to properly fix the source of. He was powerless to reverse death then as a child as he was in that moment while watching Tsunade sob uncontrollably over her little brother's body. He was not one for tears, he was not one to feel despair in the capacity that everyone around him seemed freely able to do, but in his own way he felt it. The fragility of life, the ease in which people can pass away, and the finality of mortality -- pointless, it was pointless. And so his heart hardened more that day.

Dan's Death and Tsunade

Upon Tsunade's second tragedy with the death of her lover Dan (during the Second Shinobi World War), I feel like Orochimaru had by then developed his views to the point that love was not enough to shield people from their ultimate expendability in life. Tsunade loved Nawaki fiercely, and he died. Tsunade loved Dan fiercely, and he died. Orochimaru was orphaned at a very young age but he doesn't recall hating his parents, and they were dead.

He admired Tsunade's concurrent crusade to train medical nin and place them in team cells so as to significantly lower the mortality rate during missions--now pushed even more fiercely after Dan's death, but deep down inside he knew it was staving off the inevitable. Still, he did not find her contemptible for such efforts because they were driven by logic and strategy as well as passion.

Ame Orphans

Another thought: Before the Sannin split up to do their own thing (Jiraiya to travel; Tsunade to train medic nin, at least initially; Orochimaru to work with Danzo, I guess), the Sannin met Yahiko, Konan, and Nagato in the Rain village, again during the Second War. Orochimaru's first instinct was to kill them, but the line delivery of his suggestion was not one of malice or sadism but pity, and not even a mocking pity. The war with Hanzo and the destruction that they the Sannin had caused was not unknown to Orochimaru since he had a huge part in it, nor did he feel guilt about it, per se. He was realistic about it, just as he was realistic in claiming that the trio of kids would likely suffer from starvation and disease before dying cold and alone in some burned-down house. This was a very accurate assessment of the situation before Jiraiya intervened and decided to train them for a spell. This was perhaps one of the final times that Orochimaru displayed genuine sentiment at the thought of death as a form of personal loss and suffering rather than the individual as a unit/pawn that can be cultivated, manipulated, and ultimately broken or discarded when it can no longer be used.

Sakumo Hatake and Disaffection with the Leaf

While Tsunade has clearly shown that tragedy and death do not necessarily break an individual, shinobi are successful partly because that is one of their most enduring rules -- no emotion, get the mission done. This is just conjecture, but it is unlikely that Orochimaru had not at least had a passing conversation with Sakumo Hatake, given how much renown he accumulated as the “White Fang of Konoha” during the Second War, and the news of his suicide after being branded a disgrace for choosing to put the lives of his team over the success of the mission may have further solidified Orochimaru’s growing conviction that people fear death so much that they are willing to act irrationally and forego what is logically most beneficial for the group because death’s severing of peoples’ close bonds is more detrimental and dangerous than the potential for failure.

And even though Sakumo succeeded in preventing the deaths of his comrades, his very human decision--a decision he was able to pull off because he was strong enough and capable enough to do so, an ability that Orochimaru did not possess in the moment when Nawaki died, an ability Tsunade did not possess when Dan died in her arms--still led to his death by his own hand. Tragic irony by this point was only becoming somewhat comical to Orochimaru, something that you can't help but laugh at because it is so ridiculous and yet the people around him are so blind. I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch that this scandal, if Orochimaru had paid attention to it at all, wouldn’t have furthered his graudal dissatisfaction and contempt of the Leaf for their circumstantial and hypocritical war time politics. Orochimaru always operated in shades of gray, but the Leaf's inability to reconcile the psychological anchors of their soldiers with the requirements of a shinobi must have read to him as being foolish and wasteful and a futile attempt at denying human beings' true nature, a nature that he himself had begun to gradually shed over the years.

Little Side Note of Orochimaru's Ability to Connect with Others

To say "camaraderie" and "friendship" would sound too Shonen, because Orochimaru did not grow up without enjoying the company of his sensei and teammates, but he was someone who either had the willpower to cut those ties and find satisfaction in his own company (like how some people just prefer to be alone and never report feeling 'lonely'), and thus psychically fulfilled with his own person (arguably, like Sasori, or Kakuzu to a certain extent) or he was born with something that allowed him to form bonds with others but those bonds were separate from his Self. He could live and thrive without them, sever them if he had to when he pleased if they furthered his own goals. Opportunistic and self-sufficient, independent but not the point of being incapable of working in tandem with others. Mentally, he was more than versatile and can not be be placed squarely in either the "Does Not Play Nice With Others" or "A True Team Player" boxes. Whatever is best for the situation and the long run is good enough for him, and he is not someone who does not clutch his chest in pain when his actions unintentionally benefit another, unless that benefit interferes with his own net gain.

Tanzaku Town and the Offer of Resurrection

When Orochimaru and Tsunade finally met again in Tanzaku, I honestly don't think that Orochimaru was kidding when he said he would resurrect Tsunade's loved ones in exchange for her healing his arms. He had been working on this technique for a long-ass time, upgrading it from Tobirama's original jutsu, and he was more than willing to show it off and give her a taste of it in return for her services. This here is where Orochimaru's demented way of thinking seems to reveal itself most clearly, though: For Orochimaru, the most powerful driving force that can encourage or break someone is grief and love. He saw how Dan and Nawaki's deaths ruined Tsunade for a time and changed her to the point that she developed a severe phobia of blood after the former died of blood loss (something he used to shake her up to compel her to agree, what an asshole). Playing with her head aside, I think that in that moment, him offering her her loved ones back seemed logical to him. She had been pining for them for so long beneath all that brassy exterior and gambling and medical ninjutsu, so why would she not jump at the chance to see them again?

But he underestimated Tsunade's grudge factor and her own maturity. She was able to throw away the ability to see them because of what he had done to the Leaf Village, the place that all three Sannin had grown disillusioned with in their own way, and that surprised him big time because on top of him having been one of her closest companions for a long time and seeing how their deaths wrecked her he had also become a master at manipulation and human psychology to Hannibal Lecter-like levels.

Aaaand that's all I got. At what point he went all Dr. Machiavellian Mengele, I have no clue, but he wasn't a completely heartless bastard in the beginning.

Edit: Added a few more ideas cuz my thoughts were running in every direction when I first wrote this and I wanted to get them down as soon as possible. P.S. If you have any more insights or want to debate with me on any of the characters or backstories I have mentioned, please do. I am not an Orochimaru, Tsunade, Jiraiya, or Sakumo stan, so any of your insights would be coolio. Also, apologies for long-winded sentences. I don't breathe sometimes when I'm trying to make a thought and it reflects in how I write :O

#orochimaru #character analysis #tsunade #jiraiya #sakumo hatake #jesus i'm going all in here #it's not as cohesive as i would like it to be but i'm not completely dissatisfied :X #konoha

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elfnerdherder · 7 years

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The Fault in My Code: Ch. 15

You can read Chapter 15 on Ao3 Here

Chapter 15: One Eye Green, One Veiled Sea Blue

Matthew Brown lived at an apartment complex towards the outskirts of the city with decently thick walls, kudzu creeping up the side, and a door whose lock was picked with relative ease.

As Will stepped into the apartment and lingered on the landing, he supposed he could have asked for a key, maybe explained the situation to someone who would take pity and just let him in. He was tired of having to explain himself, though. He was tired of completely understanding and recognizing the absolute expression of dismay, followed by pity. If there was one thing he’d choke on in the end, it was the pity that people gave him, now that they knew about his fucking eyes.

What have you done to your eyes, Will?

Matthew’s apartment was clean, mildly Spartan in furnishings with a distinct organization that showed his living alone rather than with a roommate to save on money. It was a one bedroom apartment with a plain blue bedspread, one bathroom with a plain blue curtain, and one photo in the living room of a man in profile showing one blue eye.

He stared at that photo of himself for a long time. It was one that Alana had tagged him in on Facebook, something teasing and reminiscent of their college days when all seemed to be somewhat manageable. He looked younger in it, the lines and weariness not so set into his face. It was a stoic photo, like Matthew’s mother said, but it was the sort of photo that made him look handsome rather than fatigued –purposeful, as Red Dragon called him.

He sat on the sofa next to the end table that housed the picture, and he tried to sink into the space that Matthew Brown lived in, the space that he existed without having to hide himself. He’d not even been able to be honest with his family, his co-workers, or his friends. He’d pretended at a relationship with his family, sneered at Lecter’s connection to Will with his co-workers, bemoaned singledom with his friends.

There was nothing inside of the apartment that felt truly like Matthew at first. He shifted on the sofa the way he imagined Matthew would, lingered in the kitchen whose refrigerator held no magnets boasting announcements of weddings, reminders of bills, or lists for groceries. Inside of the fridge, a small bowl of leftovers contained an egg salad, condiments were minimal, and the milk had expired. Will poured the milk down the sink so that later in the week, Mrs. Brown didn’t have to when she came to collect her son’s things.

The books in the one bookcase in the house held discussions on psychiatry, notes on soulmates. It was there that he felt he’d found some of Matthew Brown, confused and bitter as he highlighted the portion discussing half-connections and how they ultimately were like having no connection at all, both socially and neurologically. Will stood frozen by the shelves of books on anatomy, books on animals, books on zoology. There was even one of Will Graham’s own books –something he hadn’t intended to have published, but Alana had coerced him into it after a publicist made contact –discussing the ramifications of the social indoctrination of soulmates within education and upbringing. There were notes throughout it, written in a cramped hand in the margins:

Exposure to normalized ‘need’ of soulmates at young age leads to expectations later in life socially?

Friend groups determined in high school based on if you have soulmate or not –Graham ostracized for not having soulmate? Maybe bitter?

Lots of derision here. –This in reference to soulmates whose sentences in prison were lighter due to having a living soulmate that stood before a judge and begged to not be kept apart.

Bad experiences with soulmates at young age? –This one written beside the case study Will had used to explain serious cases of bullying for those that had already found their soulmate in elementary school by other children that were unable to articulate their own jealousy or worry they wouldn’t find one.

Statistic of colored contact purchases to hide soulmate or to pretend to have soulmate –NO clear stats (Green 0394 for mine)

Graham visited with Dr. Bloom again. Shook my hand, but he didn’t look at my eyes. –This was written beside a paragraph discussing the rarest form of soulmate pairing: the staggered connection. Sometimes, one person connected early on, and their eye changed color. It was a half-connection that had no effect on the second person until months later –years, even –when they met eyes again and a full connection was established. Will had gone on to discuss events could have occurred between the initial eye change that caused the other person to suddenly connect, and there were several sentences underlined, highlighted, near-smudged with fingers that gripped the pages tightly.

The spine of the book was bent, much loved and worn from being read over and over and over again. The deepest indent in the spine though was the space that opened up to the discussion of the staggered connection. Will tasted his desperation there.

He sat down beside the bookcase where he imagined Matthew would have sat, and he traced over the letters written along the margins. He could feel the hope in the words, the idea that maybe if Will had managed to look again, something would have happened in their time apart that he would finally connect back. It was in those vulnerable spaces that he finally found Matthew Brown, quietly yearning that if he just waited long enough, Will would see him for what he was –what they could be.

I thought, what if he saw someone like me?

He laid his head against the edge of the bookcase, book open on his lap. He was cruel when he could have been kind. He couldn’t take his anger out on Hannibal at the time, therefore he took his anger out on the catalyst, the one that dipped along the shadows and let the ball roll that inevitably led to Molly and her god damn pause.

The one that spent the quietest parts of his days wondering if one day Will would see him and finally see.

There was a thin notebook beside a biology book, and he slid the other book back into place, sitting down once more and propping himself up against the wall. It was a sketch book, and he opened it, his gut tight. Sketch books were intimate; writing was intimate. He was seeing too much, knowing too much, but for what he’d done to Matthew, he felt it was right that someone in the end knew him and knew him well. For the sake of the mother that hugged him beside the casket and thanked him for what he’d done, he owed it to Matthew to finally see.

He saw himself in those pages. He hated himself a little bit more.

They were sketches done from a mildly unpracticed hand, but a hand none-the-less. Among small doodles of animals copied from the zoology book up above, Will saw himself through the eyes of Matthew.

His estimation of Will Graham was far kinder than Will Graham’s.

He looked pensive, purposeful. In one he smiled, glancing off to the side, and Will recalled his meeting with a man that that had a speech disorder where he could only speak when Will looked away.

In many, he looked like there was a glow about him, something more than flesh and bone and color. There were earnest expressions, resigned expressions. Page after page gave Will the understanding of just how someone saw him when they hardly knew him. With each intimate line and curve of graphite, there was a longing and a comfort. Three and a half years of sketches, small notes that tracked Will’s accomplishments with pride.

March 14th, moved and began work at a small office specializing in soulmate grief

May 21st, awarded certificate for best lecture on soulmate grief, quantified by the ratings and reviews of attendees.

August 3rd, positive review for work posted in the journal

October 12th, appearance in court that aided in release of a soulmate wrongfully imprisoned –cornerstone of case his analysis

October 20th, dating someone? How long?

February 14th, her name’s Molly, and they’re not soulmates.

After confirming that Will and Molly weren’t soulmates, he went back to his sketches and his notes of things Will had done, things that were public knowledge and easily accessible. Alana must have mentioned something around Matthew about Will and Molly for him to have known. He traced over the pressure of the word ‘not’ for a long time, the sensation of relief at Matthew realizing that Will may not have connected to him, but at least he hadn’t connected to anyone else, either.

He was jolted from his pained musings by the sound of the door opening, and he stood up quickly, tucking the notebook under his arm like it was his. A man he didn’t recognize stood in the doorway, and he looked appropriately confused.

“Who the fuck are you?” the man demanded. Will noted the keys in hand, the nametag at his belt.

He thought to maybe placate the man, maybe explain himself. The words were jarring in his throat, though. Instead, he gestured towards the photo of himself on the end table, like it should explain everything.

People are impressionable; when silence spread and gaps exist, they make explanations, create stories to placate themselves. People have a need to know, but when little information is revealed, they make the information. This was no different. Will saw his eyes leap from Will to the photo, then back to Will. Thoughts tumbled, shifted, and before Will’s very eyes he saw the man create a world within himself, a world where Will was a soulmate that’d just endured the wrenching loss of losing his other half.

“Oh, you…you were Matt’s…” His voice trailed off, and he nodded. “You look…hell, sorry. I’d just never seen you around. I’m his landlord –well, I’m the landlord’s son.”

“Nice to meet you,” Will managed. “I’m leaving, if that’s alright.”

“Yeah, shit, man…yeah.”

Will passed by him, and there was that fucking look again –pity. He despised the pity. He paused in the doorway, notebook tucked underhand, and he glanced back.

“His mother’s coming to get his things later this week,” he said.

“You don’t…you don’t want them?”

“No.”

Will left him with that silence as well, let the man make his excuses as to why he wouldn’t want his soulmate’s remaining things. Driving back to the hotel, Will supposed that it only made sense that if he’d just lost the most important thing in his world, the last thing he’d want is to have to remember it.

The woman he sat down across from was aged, both from time and from a life of secrets. She eyed him across the table, and he eyed her back, fingers tapping idly on a file.

“You’re the biological mother of Francis Dolarhyde, Marian Vogt,” he said at last. She had mismatched eyes and the sort of hair that screamed the wife of a politician.

“I didn’t keep contact with him,” she said curtly. Age had given her fine lines around the eyes from posed smiles and harsh glares.

“You had an orphanage take him soon after birth where he was taken in by his grandmother, your mother, at about five years of age,” Will said, ignoring the shrill, shrewd stare she held. Behind the mismatched gaze, there was something decidedly guilty. “Later, though, you took him back once more after having three more children with your soulmate when he was aged nine.”

“You’re telling me things I know, Dr. Graham,” she said, shifting in her chair. Her discontent was as tangible as the itch of Kevlar under his shirt. “Is there something wrong? He died a few years after he married that woman.” Her sneer told him exactly what she thought about Reba’s skin color. The derision was an itch he couldn’t reach, and he frowned.

“As a soulmate psychiatrist, my specialty is in the studies of the psyches of children whose minds are still developing within a culture of soulmates like ours. He once saw a psychiatrist that was working with him on his grievances regarding soulmates, and we’ve attempted to analyze his mental state for our work.”

“What do you think I can give you that a shrink can’t?”

“He didn’t speak of his childhood very much. Only a month or so after you took care of him once again, you had him taken back to the orphanage under ‘unknown’ circumstances.” He’d been watching her face, and when he emphasized ‘unknown’, an odd sort of spasm twitched near her right eye.

“It’s been so long that I can scarce recall,” she sniffed delicately. “He burned their house down, you know.”

“I think you can recall,” Will replied.

“I really can’t.”

They considered one another from across the small desk, a spare office he’d borrowed from a local counselor’s business Dr. Avery had contacted for him. While Will’s face was grave passiveness, hers was defensive, a stark expression of a shuttered window with no way to peer behind the curtains.

“I think he killed an animal,” Will said at last.

“Is this how you speak to your clients?” Marian demanded.

“You’re not a client,” Will replied. “I think he killed the family pet, and you sent him away for it.”

The horror, unmasked at the ease in which he revealed a sordid family secret, was palpable. Will wondered if he reached out, he could touch it with his bare fingertips, wrestle it into something substantial so that he could understand Red Dragon through the mother that’d abandoned him twice.

“That little shit wasn’t normal,” she said at last. “And my husband –my soulmate –just got sicker than sick after he was there, lost the election, lost face with the community because of that…that…boy.”

“The three children you had with Howard Vogt were well aware that they were the product of a soulmate union and that Francis Dolarhyde was not,” said Will, ignoring the way her hands clenched a small handkerchief in her lap. It was reminiscent of old southern women in church, trying to wrangle themselves together when they heard something particularly spiritual or troublesome. “Just how did that line manifest in your home?”

“I don’t have to deal with this. You know, you people call me, make it seem like this is something important –he’s not even alive and everyone is trying to make me take responsibility for something that isn’t mine…” She stood up to leave, fumbling with her purse as she strode towards the door, cardigan slipping off of her shoulder with the weight of the purse swinging wildly.

“Mrs. Vogt, were you aware that he was being abused?”

She paused at the door, turned to consider Will with a furious, horrified expression.

“Excuse me?”

“He didn’t speak of his past with his psychiatrist, but he did speak of his dreams. Nightmares of scissors held against his genitalia, threats of emasculation, brothers that weren’t brothers slamming his face to a mirror repetitively after a lost election. Were you aware of these things occurring in your home? Or did you simply not care because he was the product of something that wasn’t your soulmate, therefore his existence was inconsequential to you?”

Will hated doing small speeches like that, words tumbling and falling like rocks that crashed every which way. He’d hit his mark, though; the longer he spoke, the angrier she became, the more embarrassed she became as she hissed, stalked closer and leaned over the chair she’d once sat in, fuming.

“He took my beautiful daughter’s cat and strung it up,” she snapped, “and he had a face not even a mother could love. My mother held his life over my head like some sort of trump card because I didn’t want him, but in the end he was just like her and they burned their homes around themselves until there was nothing left. Neither one of them had soulmates for a reason, Dr. Graham. I’m the only one in my family that did, and what’s that say about them?”

“I think that says more about you than it does about them, Mrs. Vogt,” Will replied calmly, “that you would turn one child away for not being the product of a simple chemical reaction in the brain.”

“Fuck you and don’t ever call me again,” she snapped, and she stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind her.

Will sat in the aftermath of her guilty fury, and he felt that he understood Francis Dolarhyde a little bit more, the things he was searching for behind the mirrors in Mrs. Hess’ and Mrs. Panter’s eyes.

He got a call much later, as he sat in his hotel room and turned the bottle of whiskey around in his hands. It was almost gone, a testament to his commitment of numbness and his commitment to drinking himself into oblivion when he didn’t have to fire on all pistons. He was only guilty at Beverly having wasted so much money on the bottle when he’d partaken of it with a gluttonous need that well drinks could have provided for less.

It wasn’t Molly’s phone, nor was it the landline to her family’s house. Will decided to answer, head propped to the side to hold up the phone as he poured himself another glass.

“Hello?”

“Working late, Dr. Graham?”

“Good evening, Hannibal,” Will said wearily. He wasn’t sure whether or not to be surprised; he’d stayed well enough away after Hannibal agreed to help them, unable to fathom staring at that space between them with no way to really close the distance. It infuriated him. The fact that it infuriated him disgusted him.

“You don’t sound as though it is a good evening. In fact, I’d say you’re three glasses into a rather potent form of whiskey.”

“Do you feel drunk when I’m drunk?” Will wondered.

“You once informed me that emotions are only felt in extreme moments. For the time of our connection, I’ve come to the conclusion that either you are only able to feel things in extremities, or the distance has heightened my ability to feel your emotions due to your refusal to come close to me for the time being.” Hannibal paused to allow Will a miserable laugh. “However, when you drink it is a muted thing. The longer that time passes, the more I find there to be far more frequent bouts of muted emotions.”

“They call that alcoholism,” Will informed him.

“Does Molly know that you have fallen off of the wagon, dear Will?”

Her name in Hannibal’s mouth was wrong, all wrong. Will studied the lovely color in the glass, reflected every which way by the lamp next to his favored chair, and he sighed dismally.

“Molly paused us,” he confessed. “And it’s not because of the alcoholism.”

“My dear, are you trying to inform me that it’s because of me?”

“She wasn’t pausing us before you came along, that’s for damn sure.”

Hannibal was quiet, and Will wondered what sort of secrets he kept, what sort of thoughts he was latching onto without sharing. He sipped the whiskey, savored the feeling of numbness that it provided. The after burn was much like how his skin felt whenever he was too far away from Hannibal, and that sort of torment was something he was more than happy to deal with.

“I’ve been informed that I’m to be moved tomorrow,” Hannibal said when Will didn’t elaborate on Molly’s ill-fated pause.

“You’re finally getting what you wanted.”

“What is it that you think I want?” Hannibal asked. “To be closer to you? To have reason to be moved near you?”

Will snorted. “Nothing so romantic. You wanted a way out of that institution, and I’ve provided it.”

“An implication that the benefit of being close to you is somehow sub-par to the idea of being let out of this infernal place. Rest assured, Dr. Graham, I am also looking forward to being exposed to you without this wall between us once more.”

“Touch starved?” Will taunted. The moment he said it, he wished that he hadn’t. It sounded almost flirtatious, something he’d say to someone he wanted to touch. A wicked, dark part of his mind whispered, don’t you, though? Don’t you want to touch?

“As much as you are, I think,” Hannibal replied dryly. “Although with the alcohol you’ve supplied yourself with, it’s difficult to tell. Was that your intention?”

“Why did you call, Hannibal?” Will asked, exasperated.

“You can hide many things through your use of self-medication, but you can’t hide your pain at your dear Molly pausing you,” Hannibal said. “In your mind, everything you’ve done now seems almost inconsequential, that you can’t return to her and say that all is well.”

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Will snapped.

“She’d have paused you whether or not you connected to me, dear Will,” Hannibal assured him. “In the end, I was not the one that brought the darkness out of you. I merely showed you mine in return.”

Will finished off the whiskey with a vengeance, slamming the glass down with a little too much force. He thought about pacing, about throwing a few more things, about cursing the shadow of Red Dragon lurking nearby, but ultimately he slumped down farther in his chair and swallowed heavily, the room hot and blurring around him like the landscape was melting at his very feet.

“You don’t have to remind me,” he whispered, aggrieved. “I am well aware what sort of person I am, Hannibal. The kind of person that I will always be.”

Will didn’t have to see Hannibal get strapped into something much resembling a dolly that packed large boxes for delivery men, nor did he have to see him get wrapped into a straightjacket. He sat outside of the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane the next day in the early morning and enjoyed a small cup of coffee that didn’t come from the BAU break room. The last time he’d shared a cup with Beverly, he’d had to ruminate on the taste of two-day-old, reused beans. She hadn’t been sorry in the least when he’d pointed it out.

Beside him, a soulmate argued on the phone with someone, head dipped down. Their whispers were harsh, prickling things.

“I know she’s in prison, mother, but –oh my god, did you really just say that? Really? She’s mentally unwell, you can’t just. No. No. Yes, god, I know, but…”

Her voice trailed off, and she cast a side-eye to Will who pointedly tried to ignore her.

“Look. I know you think this is just stupid, you and dad aren’t soulmates, but you have no idea what it’s like. I can’t…just stay away. I can’t just…” A pause as she scrambled for words to convince her mother of her dubious choices. “I could walk up to anyone with a soulmate, and they’d tell you the same. You can try to stay away, but sooner or later it pulls you back. She’s always kind to me, mom, and we were dating long before she ever killed those people.”

Will brushed his thumb over his lips to rub away a small, secretive smile.

“You know what? I don’t care what Pastor Mark says, how can you call it a sin if God made us soulmates? Because it’s a girl? Would you care if I’d connected to a boy that killed people instead? That’s so homophobic!”

The voice on the other end grew louder, but Will couldn’t quite make out the words.

“Oh my god! Okay! Fine! God!” She hung up and threw her phone into her purse, righteous indignation. Will sipped his coffee. He could taste her pain as much as he could taste her longing. It didn’t mix well with the coffee.

“Do you have a soulmate in there?” she asked glumly.

“Yes.”

“Worker or inmate?”

Will glanced at his watch; Freddie’s article had been out for a few days now. “Inmate,” he said.

“How long?”

“Not too long.”

“My mom…she says it’s not worth it. But you know, right? You know it’s worth it?” She was desperate. She saw his mismatched eyes and needed reassurance from someone that knew.

Will watched the army of vehicles roll up, four police cars and a transport van. He finished his coffee, tossed the cup in the trash can beside him and stood up, rolling his neck back and forth to pop it. He sniffed his collar; it smelled of expensive whiskey and a long night of no sleep.

“I don’t know yet,” he said honestly. He glanced at her green eyes that were just different enough to be a problem within her family dynamic. “If I see you around later, I’ll be sure to tell you.”

She watched him climb into the back of the transport truck. She watched them drive away.

Hannibal watched him from the cage he’d been locked into, arms tied tight around his torso, a mask strapped across the bottom of his face to keep his mouth from snapping. There was a part of Will that despised it, longed to rip it off of him, but another part whispered that he’d bit a nurse’s tongue off, once. His heart rate hardly changed at it.

His heart rate changed when he’d hurt Will, though. That thought closely followed, and Will sneered at it.

“Back in Baltimore for the time being,” Hannibal noted lightly.

“I’d been in Maine,” Will informed him. The need to reassure him that he hadn’t been trying to run from him was as off-putting as the tie had been at Matthew Brown’s funeral.

“What did you find in Maine, Dr. Graham?”

“Francis Dolarhyde’s base of operation,” he replied. The agent shot him a glance at giving away such information, but at the sight of his mismatched eye, they looked to Lecter’s and couldn’t suppress a shudder. Whatever they thought was kept silent, but Will could all but taste the discomfort, closely followed by the pity. He resented the pity.

“I’m sure that was enlightening,” said Hannibal gleefully.

Will hmm’d an assent and shifted around the agent to sit down.

“Comfortable?” Hannibal asked him as he settled down on the metal bench. On one side, the orderly sat prepared to administer a sedative if Hannibal became belligerent. On the other side of him, the agent wielded a shotgun.

“…Going to be,” he said. “You?”

“This is more fun than I’ve had in the last three years,” he replied, and Will saw through the small holes made for breathing, the twitches of a smile. “I owe it to you, dear Will.”

“Happy to oblige,” he muttered sarcastically.

#LiaS scribbles #The Fault in My Code #hannibal #hannibal fanfic #hannigram #will graham x hannibal #someone help will graham #not #he's a total badass right now #hannibal is getting set free #it's gonna be wild yall

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drugsanddenial-blog · 7 years

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Eurus + Mary = Trouble

I base this theory on the very CLEAR idea that Dead!Mary is the fruit of John’s imagination. She is John’s softer side. What she says and thinks and tries to influence John to do is WHAT HE THINKS AND WANTS TO DO in the first place. She is 100% a projection of what JOHN thought Mary was, but with his thoughts and feelings.

Dead!Mary, ironically enough, incarnates the best of John Watson. I believe the John Watson we see in The Final Problem is a MP John Watson, for the most. Because they can’t all outrun bullets.

Because the real John Watson is critically injured and in hospital for the most of the episode. And Sherlock is going to lose it.

I believe that Eurus (whom I strongly believe either worked with Moriarty or was the actual Moriarty) was committed by her eldest brother Mycroft and their parents after she committed an unspeakable act. Whether it be injuring Redbeard in a gruesome manner, almost killing Sherlock by drowning him (which would explain a lot of the water images we get throughout all the episodes) or by setting fire to their family home, she caused this family so much pain they had no choice but to lock her away in a mental institution. This, obviously, traumatized young Sherlock. He locked away those memories in his memory palace, very very deep, deeper even than Moriarty, but now and then, these images break through in flashes, intuitions (water imagery, loud sounds, etc.) I believe the majority of TAB was his subconscious warning him about these repressed memories. Most of TAB, after all, was based on a deep fear of women nefariously working in the shadows (Mary, his sister, Emilia Ricoletti), but also a lot of love and admiration for women in general, because Sherlock is, deep down, a truly kind and good man. “The best and wisest man I have ever known” indeed, John. Stewing away in some institution didn’t sit well with Eurus (whom I believe is not a psychopath, but possesses just enough psychopathic traits to be dangerous and cruel - after all, cruelty requires a great deal of empathy - THANKS HANNIBAL!). She grew up loathing her family, especially Sherlock, whom she believed was the cause for her getting locked away. Locked inside, she met a man. James Moriarty. And she set everything into motion. Moriarty, unlike her, was either there for a short time, or visiting. And they became fast friends (that, or the other theory that she actually hired the man as an actor to impersonate this imagined villain, Moriarty, though I find this a lot more improbable given that he did shoot himself in the face). So Eurus set everything in motion. Because she’s angry. And hella smart. Smarter perhaps than both Mycroft and Sherlock, except she only has her own agenda on her mind. One where she punishes Sherlock whom she believes had it too easy, out there, while she was locked and isolated. When Moriarty tried to force Sherlock into suicide, with the help of hired killers AGRA, Eurus needed to make sure he was truly dead, like her friend Moriarty, and she sent in an agent to keep an eye on John, to know immediately if Sherlock tried to contact him. That agent was Mary. What Eurus didn’t know was that Mary would genuinely come to care for John, enough to betray Eurus and leave clues to protect John from the grave. What Eurus also didn’t plan was that Sherlock would come back and that John would forgive him, therefore allowing for Sherlock to be happy.

What irks me about these two episodes we just got is that fucking DVD from Mary. Because it’s that very DVD that sets things into motion for episode 2. Mary worked for Eurus. Her death was part of that plan, that plan to BURN THE HEART OUT OF SHERLOCK. By putting an immense wedge between him and Sherlock, the dead body of his wife. That was not enough for Eurus, nor was it enough for Mary, whom, even in death, couldn’t accept that she would never have been first in John’s heart. Enter the DVD. With that final DVD, Mary does two distinct things: 1) she sends Sherlock into that crazy errand to “Save John Watson from himself/his demons/his grief/his guilt”. Whether she knew or not that John was cheating on her with fucking EURUS HERSELF is irrelevant. She was a trained agent, she knew something was fishy in her relationship. She however would much rather Sherlock didn’t succeed too well: she wants John happy, but she doesn’t want Sherlock to be happy too. Which is why Culverton is so convenient. Because he MIGHT. JUST. SUCCEED. at killing Sherlock. 2) She also leaves sufficient clues for Sherlock to piece together that something more dangerous, something bigger is coming, not just or him, but for JOHN WATSON. “SAVE JOHN WATSON”, literally. From Eurus. The clues for this? “Miss me?” - it gets Sherlock’s attention, sure, but also puts him mind on the right tract to piece things together. But things don’t go the way Mary planned. Nor the way Eurus planned, tried all she did to interfere directly in the situation. A “common friend of hers and Culverton” put them in touch, after all (Moriarty, folks, that was Moriarty). Except I think she asked Moriarty to put her in touch with Culverton. She was the one holding the cards all along. Now, how did she get out of wherever she was locked away without Mycroft being warned? Different theories for this: 1) Alicia/Elizabeth Smallwood is actually a double agent - though I find that unlikely - and she contributed to faking Eurus Sherrinford being secure. This could perhaps explain why she has two names but I think that’s just a bizarre mistake of the show from BBC broadcasting it to the DVD. 2) She played it like Mary did on the plane and found a lookalike to put in her place, probably paying big sums of money to the hospital personnel to keep this from Mycroft’s attention for as long as possible. Regardless, she’s out. She’s out for blood. And she won’t stop until she’s made Sherlock as miserable as she can, including trying to kill John Watson. She was surprised to find that Sherlock was not the monster she had imagined, nor the selfish bastard she had envisioned from her “tower”. But I believe that only makes her hate him more, that even on the brink of death because of drugs and grief and chagrin, Sherlock still is loved, cared for, doted upon by people around him. And Eurus cannot stand that. Cannot accept it. She will do all she can to put an end to Sherlock Holmes. She will fail, and probably end up dying or taking her own life. But I think she might just take Mycroft down with her, as the ultimate fuck you. :( JOHNLOCK WILL LIVE. At least I really hope so. They will finally stop being so emotionally constipated. I believe that might come from Sherlock admitting to a supposedly dying John Watson (whom he’ll believe to be unconscious) all he’s always wanted to tell him. That he loves him. That he’s the love of his life. That he doesn’t give two fucks about The Woman, except that she was a catalyst to him realizing how much he fucking loves John fucking Watson. And John will hear. And John will crumble from the love. And TJLC will live. Because I think that’s it, folks. That’s the end of the road. The Series Finale. The Final Problem.

#sherlock #bbc sherlock #meta #the final problem #the lying detective #mary watson #double agents #alicia smallwood #elizabeth smallwood #mycroft holmes #sherlock holmes #tjlc #tjlc is go #eurus sherrinford holmes #the secret brother is a secret sister #trouble #sherlock season 4

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