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astranauticus · 5 months

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stultifera navis rerun AKA thinking about Iberia hours again because a lot of the Iberians have such fascinating relationships with the concept of home but specifically Thorns and Lumen are eating at my brain. like where do you call home when the place that is your home Just Fucking Hates You? Elysium's rewinding breeze specifically makes a point to hammers home how differently Iberia treats its Liberi and its Aegir

(which is especially interesting since this comes right after a conversation where Purestream commented on how despite Leizi being a high ranking government official, there are still some experiences that are universal for all Yanese people - because the experience of what Iberia itself is like isnt universal for all Iberians)

But all that being said, Thorns also straight up states that Aegir is not his home, and yeah, how could it be? How could a place you've never been to, never truly known, ever be your home? How could it ever feel like a home?

so where do you go when the place that you are from hates your people and the place your people are from is completely unfamiliar and alien to you? Thorns' answer at the end of the conversation with Aya is: my home is where i chose it to be. my home is where there are people I care about and people who care about me

in the complete opposite direction, Lumen's oprec asks: why do you still stay in a place that wants you gone? because the people of Gran Faro like Jordi well enough but when push comes to shove, they will want the only Aegir in town gone

and yet, when Rald the messenger offers him a chance to leave Jordi turns him down and when he's forced to escape Gran Faro after the people there literally try to send him to his death (or worse) at the hands of the Inquisitors he keeps trying to go back because like everyone in stultifera navis, Jordi is clinging to his own dreams of a golden age

but the shape of that dream is unique to every character and for Jordi, his dreams are deeply, inseparably bound to the Eye of Iberia, the legacy his parents left behind

and it's this dream of becoming someone great, of bringing about that golden age that his parents devoted their lives to help create that ties Jordi to this nothing town because despite everything, despite the mistrust of the townsfolk and the hostility of the Inquisition and the danger from the ocean, he simply cannot leave it behind

(or, because i personally dislike the official translation,)

"I just see this place as my home"

so yeah. not sure what overall point i was trying to make here i'm just. deeply in love with these stories about chosing what is and isn't your home, of saying you will not call a place your home because it has given you no reason to or saying you consider a place your home even though it has given you every reason not to. deeply unwell about them <3

#arknights #asto speaks #not much of an essay writer i just keep thinking about them and i need to force other people to think about them too #thorns story fucks me up bc like. this whole almost found family adjacent idea of like #maybe home isnt something decided by your birth but something you can chose based on what truly matters to you #it just gets to me. i guess.#jordi gets to me in a completely different direction there's nothing personal about it i just find his story *fascinating*#just a guy. a completely normal guy. an absolute nobody caught up in these dreams of greatness while also fully aware of his own normalcy #but never letting either of those overshadow the other. never losing that self awareness or that fuckin obsessive determination #god. what a Character #i love jordi so much like genuinely #i joke a lot about him being just a Guy but thats also kinda like the best thing about him #the fact that he is the way that he is and does all the things he does despite being just a Guy #gently holds #for context i was so hyped about new iberia lore when sn was announced i read the whole thing as soon as it dropped on cn server #cuz someone uploaded all the story sections to bilibili right after it came out #and '我只是把这里当作自己的故乡啊' fucking hit me SO HARD #in like the greater context of elysium demanding to know why hes risking his life in like 5 different ways to return to gran faro #because yeah jordi just doesnt want to leave his home but like we the audience knows the full *weight* of what that home means to him #and the weight of the dreams that made him chose to see Gran Faro as his home and to refuse to let go of that #thats why i like the original a lot more than the translation i think like it really emphasises that active *choice*.#this is the place jordi has *decided* to see as his home and he knows what that means and what it means to him #side note the part on thorns might not actually age well depending on whether hg decides to ever release more aulus lore #i mean i'll gladly take the L if it means more aulus and/or thorns lore like #i just wanna know what (if anything) is tying him to iberia yknow #ak #iberiaposting

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youngyoo-apologist · 22 days

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Background information:

Choi Han’s mother: Shin Haneul

Choi Han’s father: Choi Sujin

Some scrapped scenes with the Choi family that I couldn’t include in the main fic(at least not yet)

She remembered the day a bundle of joy was placed into her arms very well. Despite Shin Haneul’s awful memory, she could never forget her little boy,

Choi Sujin sat outside the hospital room, shaking his leg out of nervousness.

“Hyung, don’t worry so much, Haneul-noona will be fine.”

Choi Sujin turned to look at his little brother, who had come straight to the hospital after studying to meet his nephew. Choi Jung-gun was way than himself, but he was much more composed at this moment than Choi Sujin was.

“I-I’m not nervous, Jung-gun!”

Choi Jung-gun looked at his brother with a blank, clearly unimpressed expression. It seemed like Choi Jung-gun had taken it upon himself to be more responsible than normal today.

Normally, it would be Jung-gun getting anxious, but looking at his older brother who was nervously waiting to hear the news about his wife and son made him feel like for one day he needed to be the calm one.

He reached into his pocket, and tapped his brother’s shoulder. “Hyung, do you want candy?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Choi Sujin took the candy from his brother, and opened the package. It was a coffee flavored candy, one that Jung-gun didn’t like, but he knew their mom did.

Today was Choi Jung-gun’s birthday, and it would also become this kid’s birthday as well. Choi Jung-gun didn’t mind sharing, especially if it was with his nephew.

He was an uncle at twelve years old, that wasn’t something that happened everyday! If anything, his nephew being born today felt a little bit like a gift for himself too, as much as it was a gift for his brother, Shin Haneul, and the baby.

The two brothers sat outside the hospital room. At Shin Haneul’s request, it would only be them, her parents, and their parents to see the baby when he was born. The hospital staff had said that it was ideal for the health of both the baby, and the mother as well.

“Sir, everything went alright.” The nurse stepped out of the hospital room, and Choi Sujin stood up fast enough that he would have stumbled if not for Jung-gun’s hand on his arm to catch him. “…I understand you wish to see your wife and child, but please be careful to not injure yourself.”

“Yeah, Hyung. You need to calm yourself down, don’t trouble Haneul-noona.” Choi Jung-gun let go of his brother, who nodded and sighed.

“Thank you, nurse. Is it alright if my brother and I go in to see my wife or do we have to wait longer?”

“No, now would be the perfect time to see her. We’ve already done everything needed for now.”

At the nurse’s words, Choi Sujin’s face lit up and he went inside the hospital room with Choi Jung-gun following behind him.

“Haneul-noona, are you okay?”

Shin Haneul’s smiled wide, and ruffled Choi Jung-gun’s hair. “Better than ever, lil’ bro!”

Currently, the baby who had yet to be named was being held in his father’s arms. The father in question would have been crying louder than a baby ever would if not for the fact that it would startle the child.

“Haneul… he’s so cute….he looks just like you!” Choi Sujin said, voice shaking with emotion.

Choi Jung-gun looked over his brother’s shoulders and frowned slightly. Now, he wasn’t going to be mean to a baby. This baby had just been born and he was his nephew, but new born babies were a little….ugly.

“He’s going to look even more like you when he grows up.” Choi Jung-gun smiled as he said this, instead of voicing his inner thoughts. It was clear that Shin Haneul already knew what he was thinking based on the amused expression on her face.

“It’s okay, Jung-gun, he just looks funny cause he's like one hour old.” Shin Haneul said, and Choi Jung-gun angled away his face so she could not see his embarrassed expression.

“Have you picked a name yet, Haneul?” Choi Sujin asked, handing the baby back to his wife, who nodded.

“Yeah, I was thinking of Han.”

“Han?” Choi Sujin looked at Choi Jung-gun who nodded in agreement,

“”It’s perfect.””

Shin Haneul smiled, and looked down at the baby in her arms, who from this day forward, would be named Choi Han.

“What do you think, Han? Do you like it?”

As if responding to her words, Choi Han began to cry and Haneul laughed. He had just been born and yet he was so lively.

That was good, because Shin Haneul wanted nothing more than for her son to live well.

“Han, can you say uncle?” Choi Jung-gun sat in front of Choi Han, who blatantly ignored him in favor of swinging his toy sword at the toy monsters in front of him. “Hannnn, please! I’ll buy you candy forever if you say uncle.”

Shin Haneul watched her brother in law try and coax the ten month old Choi Han into saying ‘uncle’ as his first word. Of course, she wouldn’t let that happen so easily.

“Han, it’s me, mom!” Shin Haneul picked Choi Han up, and placed her on her lap. “Mom.”

She pointed at herself.

“Mom’s brother in law.”

She pointed at Choi Jung-gun, who grumbled. “Not fair, noona!”

Shin Haneul stuck her tongue out at the boy, who did the same in return. At their childish actions, Choi Sujin could only sigh.

“C’mon you two, don’t argue in front of the baby.”

“He’s not even sentient yet!” Choi Jung-gun argued back, which made Choi Sujin poke his cheek.

“So what? What if you guys subconsciously influence him to be as ridiculous as you both are.”

“Wow, is that any way to speak to your dear, kind, beautiful, lovely, amazing, strong, incredibly intelligent, cunning, fantastic, wife?” Shin Haneul looked down at Choi Han, “Han, can you believe this! Yell at your father for me, he deserves it.”

Logically, there was no way Choi Han completely understood her, but he looked at his father with his big, round innocent baby eyes, and seemed to glare at him. Babbling baby like nonsense while waving his fist in Choi Sujin’s direction.

Choi Sujin put a hand to his heart, and pretended to fall to the floor like he had been struck by a sword. “My son, you’re so cruel!”

Choi Han, the mischievous little boy, laughed at him alongside his equally mischievous mother.

Shin Haneul pointed at Choi Sujin, “Han, you see this man? This man is mom’s husband.”

“Don’t sabotage us, Haneul! C’mon, Han. Can’t you call me dad? Please!” Choi Sujin crawled over so he was in front of Choi Han, but the baby looked at him with expressionless eyes.

“Bleh.” Choi Han stuck his tongue out, and both Shin Haneul and Choi Jung-gun began to cackle.

“Uncle.”

Choi Jung-gun paused, and looked away from his homework. For the time being, Shin Haneul and Choi Sujin had left Choi Han with him to take care of while they made a quick grocery run.

“Han, can you say that again, please?” Choi Jung-gun pointed at himself, “Who am I?”

Choi Han puffed his cheeks, and with a slightly frustrated tone he exclaimed, “Uncle! Un-cle. Uncle.”

He repeated the word over and over, like he was getting used to the ability of speech. The more Choi Han spoke, the wider Choi Jung-gun’s smile became.

Gently, he scooped Choi Han up and placed him in his lap. “Yeah! I’m your uncle.”

This was Choi Han’s first word. Choi Jung-gun had never actually thought samchon would be his first word. Sure, he did want it to be the case, but he’d be happy no matter what Choi Han’s first word was.

Although, Choi Jung-gun couldn’t help but think of his Shin Haneul, and his older brother who had really wanted mom or dad to be his first word.

“Hm… Han, you love your mom and dad a lot, right?”

Choi Han nodded slowly, and looked at Choi Jung-gun with curious eyes.

“Let’s keep this a secret from your mom and dad, kay’? Next time you see your mom, try and say ‘mom’ instead.”

Choi Jung-gun wasn’t sure if Choi Han would listen to him, but with how much attention he was paying to Choi Jung-gun’s words he figured it was worth a shot.

“Mo-m.” Choi Han sounded out, and Choi Jung-gun nodded.

“That’s it, Han! If you say that, your mom and dad will smile real wide.” Choi Jung-gun pat Choi Han’s head, and carried him in his arms as he walked downstairs. Shin Haneul and Choi Sujin should be home by now.

As expected, Shin Haneul and Choi Sujin stood in the kitchen with the grocery bags on the table.

“Ah, there’s my sweet baby and silly little brother!” Shin Haneul exclaimed, whisking Choi Han away from Choi Jung-gun’s arms and pointing at the grocery bags. “I got some chocolate for you, Jung-gun. Don’t tell your father.”

Choi Jung-gun cheered and threw his arms up in the air, digging into the grocery bag enthusiastically until he found the chocolate,

Choi Sujin smiled, and went to the stove to make the pancakes he had promised the family earlier today.

“Han, did you miss mom and dad while we were away?” Shin Haneul kissed the top of Choi Han’s head, who giggled. “I’m sure you were good for your uncle.”

“Mom!”

Choi Sujin almost dropped the pan he held in his hands, and Choi Jung-gun gaped at Choi Han in shock. Man, maybe it was just Choi Han, but babies were straight to the point!

“Han! D-did you say mom? Is this your first word?!” Shin Haneul looked around, as if there was anyone else who would be called mom by Choi Han.

Choi Jung-gun walked over to the stove to cook the pancakes Choi Sujin had been making, but abandoned it in favor of running over to his son and wife.

While Choi Sujin and Shin Haneul fussed over Choi Han, Choi Jung-gun gave Choi Han a very discreet thumbs up when the baby was staring at him with his wide black eyes.

Sometimes, when Choi Jung-gun looked into his nephew’s eyes, it felt like there was a whole universe of stars growing inside of them.

Shin Haneul sat up in her bed, looking around the room as to where the sound of crying could be coming from.

She had been a light sleeper ever since Choi Han was born, not because he caused a lot of trouble, but sometimes she couldn’t get rid of the overwhelming dread that took over her at night.

Shin Haneul had no idea where this feeling came from. She had always been overjoyed at being with her son, in fact, she couldn’t be happier! But there were days when it felt like Choi Han would disappear if she didn’t pay enough attention, like he’d be gone before she even knew it.

She had spoken about it to her own mother before, asking if it was a normal feeling. Mother nodded, looking at her own daughter with sad eyes.

“I was scared I would lose you too. You were a very active child, and sometimes I’d get scared that if I looked away you’d injure yourself. Thankfully, when I was busy your father was always there so you were always safe.”

Shin Haneul sighed in relief, thank god it was just a normal thing and not some weird premonition of the future.

She wouldn’t know what to do with herself if that was the case.

Even with the reassurance she got from her mother, Shin Haneul couldn’t help the unease that was in her mind at night. Choi Sujin was fast asleep, like he was a Victorian child who was suffering from the plague, so it could not be her husband who was crying.

The only other option was Choi Han, who she found sobbing into his pillow.

Shin Haneul felt her eyebrows twist, and she put a hand on Choi Han’s head, wiping away the tears that fell from his eyes.

“Oh, my star, what’s wrong?”

Choi Han did not respond, could not respond, for his mind was overtaken by the terrors of the night.

Shin Haneul laid back down, and pulled Choi Han closer to her. While he was still crying, he had stopped shaking.

She wondered just what kind of things had happened for a five year old boy to be crying so much.

Had Choi Han remembered Jung-gun, who had gone missing two years earlier?

…Ah, perhaps that was where her fear came from.

Ever since Choi Jung-gun went missing, Shin Haneul had never gotten a full night's sleep. The only times she could sleep were the short naps she took in the morning.

Choi Jung-gun had gone missing just like that, no warning, no nothing.

It was like a god had taken him to another world, with no trace of him left to be found at his home where everyone cried out for him.

Shin Haneul didn’t let herself cry, because to her it felt like if she cried it would be admitting Choi Jung-gun had died.

She knew that boy wasn’t dead, he had to be alive, no matter what. One day he would come home, and they would all be there to welcome him again.

Shin Haneul looked down at her son, who was still crying, and kissed his hair. She caressed the top of his head, and began to hum a lullaby her own mother had sung for her when she was young.

The terrors of the night were strong, but against a mother’s love, even they would fall as well.

Slowly, Choi Han’s sobs died out, the only other sound left in the quiet night being that of Shin Haneul’s comforting hums, and the gentle sounds of her husband and son’s breathing.

Choi Sujin watched Choi Han hold up a cat plush to the baby in front of him.

Choi Jungsoo, the baby, had been born two months ago, but this was Choi Han’s first time seeing him. Despite only being six years old, Choi Han was technically an uncle, and Choi Sujin was a grand uncle.

“Jungsoo, call me hyung!”

“Han, he’s only two months old, so he can’t really talk yet.” Choi Sujin said, sitting down next to his son who continued gave the cat plush to Choi Jungsoo.

“Oh, was I like that too?”

“Mhm, you were just as small as he was too.”

Choi Sujin smiled at his son’s shocked expression, like he couldn’t even fathom being as small as Choi Jungsoo was.

“But I don’t remember that!”

“You don’t remember, but mom and dad remember.” Choi Sujin picked Choi Jungsoo up, and held him in his arms. “I can show you the photos.”

Choi Jung-gun would have said he remembered too, if he was here. Jung-gun had loved taking photos, especially of Choi Han since he was his favorite nephew.

The photo album they had consisted of many photos, but a good chunk of the later half of the album was filled with photos Choi Jung-gun had taken. Choi Jung-gun took photos and notes of almost everything he liked.

In the album, there were photos of the family, and Choi Jung-gun’s notes about them under it. Choi Han was no exception, and had multiple pictures of himself from when he was zero to three years old.

“I wanna see!”

Choi Han stood up, and followed his father upstairs who still carried Choi Jungsoo in his arms. After looking through a shelf, Choi Sujin found the album, and handed it to Choi Han.

He wasn’t worried about Choi Han damaging the album, because Choi Han had always handled books and albums with a lot of care. It seemed that even though he couldn’t remember most things, he still cherished the memories that he held in his hands.

Choi Han opened the album, and flipped through each page. Pointing out the people he recognized, and asking if he didn’t recognize someone. He flipped through the pages until he found a page labeled ‘November Eighth’.

They had dedicated an entire page to that day, because three people had been born on that day. Choi Jung-gun, Choi Han, and now, Choi Jungsoo.

“It’s me!” Choi Han pointed at the picture of him from when he was a baby. The hat he wore had rabbit ears on it, something Shin Haneul had found absolutely adorable when she saw it at the store.

Underneath the picture was a note, no name on it, and Choi Han did not recognize the handwriting, but he read it anyway.

‘On November Eighth, Han was born! He was a little ugly, but he’s cute now. He looks a lot like Haneul-noona, but his eyes are the same as hyung’s. He pulls my hair a lot, and he’s stupid strong for a baby. Maybe I’ll cut my hair so he has nothing to grab on when I carry him.’

“I’m not ugly! Whoever wrote this is the king of ugly.” Choi Han grumbled when he saw the second sentence.

Choi Sujin laughed, “But didn’t they call you cute after?”

“Hm… well, they’re still wrong! Mom says I’ve been cute forever, and mom is never wrong.” Choi Jungsoo yelled in agreement, and Choi Han nodded. “That’s right, Jungsoo! Moms are never wrong so you should always listen. And you should listen to your dad too, and my dad. My dad is cool too!”

Choi Sujin smiled proudly, “I’m the coolest, aren’t I?”

Choi Jungsoo only looked at him with such unimpressed eyes that Choi Sujin felt like his ego was being stabbed directly in the heart.

#saebom means younger unmarried brother of father #at least I think so please tell me and correct me if I’m wrong!#I love the Choi family #they make me so sad #we know very little abt Junggun especially him when he was younger so I just kinda made stuff up abt his personality #and we know next to nothing abt Choi Han’s parents so they’re basically ocs 😭😭#Choi Han #Choi Jungsoo #choi jung gun #tcf fanfic #lcf fanfic #tcf #lcf #sorry if this isn’t TCF lore accurate I heard someone say that CJG is their ancestor #but on the wiki it says he’s Choi Han’s uncle #so I just went w/ what the wiki says #lout of the count’s family #trash of the count's family

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