#I love you gay cowboy Ken and I always will

[zenaidamacrouras1]

This was my brother's favorite Ken, his canon name is "Horse Lovin' Ken."

He came to us from a yard sale missing his red checker shirt, grinning proudly with his his jaunty cowboy hat, leather shearling vest loose over his bare chest, and squeezed into those skin tight red leather pants.

It was pretty clear to us even in a conservative rural area in the 80s and 90s that him and Barbie were "just friends." Barbie had her boyfriends, but red leather pants Ken was not among them.

Shirtless under that vest was really a bit obscene, so when we found a red mesh Ken tank top at a yard sale, he got that instead, because it matched the red leather pants. I'm going to tell you something that probably won't surprise you - the addition of the red mesh muscle tank did not make the red leather pants less risqué.

[biohazard-inevitable]

Hair

They say that hair holds stories, that the style is what makes a man.

They say long locks make you a pansy and a real man should have it short lest they be mistaken for a girl.

Where I grew up, every man buzzed their hair down.

It was a shame for it to be long and shaggy, and mothers would fuss over you, insisting upon a haircut.

For girls, it was fine.

They could have hair as long as they wanted or as short as they needed, so long as it wasnt buzzed as short as a man’s.

Being anything else just wasn’t a thing round these parts where churches chimed every sunday, pastors clammoring around resturants and filling their quotas in a single lunch.

So I buzzed mine.

I tried as hard as I could to seem as manly as possible

To appear as bull of a brute as any cowboy should.

I wore all the boy things and had all the short boy hair.

My scalp was sensitive anyways, so I thought it didn’t bother me.

It was better shorter.

Wasnt it?

I still gazed and clammored about the anime boys I saw on screen or in Otome games though.

I gushed about how pretty they were with hair down their backs like a silken curtain, or whipping wild through the air like the mane of a lion.

Legolas was never deemed as not manly enough

Beither was Zen or inuyasha or the undertaker.

A crush, I supposed.

Because of course thats all it was.

I was a gay little boy with gay little crushes and my type was men with long, Beautiful hair.

Right?

My hair was a dull, discolored brown from the shimmering blonde it used to be, the blonde I remember from kindergarten.

I tried to return to that blonde with bleach.

My school didnt allow unnatural colors, so anything was better than that matted, oily brown.

Shaved short and as platinum as a ken doll, I should have been as man as ever.

4 years, I stayed like that, and while the short hair was easy to take care of, I felt as hideous as a pile of sludge.

It didnt matter if I was loved for my looks, I supposed.

Wouldn’t that be too vain of me?

Boys weren’t supposed to care about what they looked like, they werent supposed to coo and admire Beautiful hair or seethe in jealousy that their sister looked so much better and has such long, goregous hair.

It wasn’t until after high school that I began to explore.

Covid let me grow my hair out more, though I still trimmed the sides.

I let my bangs grow long and shaggy over my face, like a veil to hide me from the world.

Eventually I dyed it again, this time going with that green I had always wanted to try, the one I had seen on my favorite youtuber growing up, fluffy and emerald.

Still, for years more, I kept it short. Only allowing that fringe to hover over me as some sort of style.

Recently though, I’ve realized I want that hair that those anime men had.

I want that soft curtain rolling down my back like waves of an ebony river, flecks of mossy green dotting it like a miasma of toxin flowing through the oily black stream.

I want the hair like the ring girl

The people around me are foolish and prudent to think the length of ones hair makes you more or less of a man.

I know that now, and I’m glad I do.

I want to stop pretending not to like things

[elfhunk]

i really didn't like barbara (2023) but i think the thing making me feel most bonkers is the idea that ken goes outside like this in public:

and all he can remark upon is how respected, cool, and powerful he feels. how everyone likes him, and respects him, and it's nothing at all like how people look at him in barbieland. that he feels, specifically, no violent intentions towards him, while barbie is grappling with the concept of the male gaze for the first time.

and this was a problem for me, and it haunted me for the rest of the movie. because do you know what it actually feels like to be man dressed in public like this? to put on your funny little cowboy outfit and romp around with your gal pal?

you're not nodding to a bro finishing his set at the gym. you're not getting fist bumps and handshakes from random men on the street. you are getting called slurs.

you are getting literally nothing but barely contained homophobic contempt from men who immediately clock you as a gross, weird, queer freak. this is a one way ticket to being called the gay slur of the day, and the movie just sort of hopes you forget homophobia exists and how men enact homophobia onto each other constantly.

i don't know how this happened, but it remains a glaring issue for the rest of the movie. the ken characters dressing in sexual, hyper-masculine archetypes of cowboys and every imaginable type of jock is supposed to be a joke about guys being dudes and how ken dolls used to dress but it just... loops back around to feeling pointedly homophobic, when these are aesthetics that have been 100% adopted by gay men?

like, any salient conversation about the patriarchy doesn't function when your toxic alpha males are dressed to go to a circuit party. this is what i wore to pride.

as a man who does dress like this pretty often, and loves to go to the gym dressed like this to work out and feel sexy and confident... it felt really bad? and really mean for no reason? like, these are aesthetics that gay men adopted because we like being men, and we like playing these male archetypes to such campy extremes precisely because straight men stop finding it appealing and it lets us enjoy all of the fun parts of male identity we didn't get to enjoy when male spaces were toxic cesspools of homophobia that pushed us out.

i accept the possibility that i am being dramatic, but i think it is an issue for me that barbara (2023) thinks its funny and absurd for men to dress like this, and plays the visual of it it so often for comedy while the boys wrestle and grab and tease each other that it begins to make me feel really unwelcome.

making fun of guys being dudes so much that you accidentally become homophobic is not new! and i always hate it! but in this instance, it did really did make me, a doll collector and barbie fan who is also a gay man? a gay man who really loves and has a deep affinity for the idea of being a wonderful supportive ken to all of the wonderful barbies in my life? who also dresses in slutty little neon gym shorts sometimes because it makes him feel confident and sexy in a form of masculinity that has been queered into something empowering?

it made me feel really gross. i did not like it at all.

also i hated allan.

[nityarawal]

11/11/2023

We're Going Rogue

Robots

Morning Songs- Driving- To Dentist

9 Days Of Mother Divine

Mahalakshmi Eve- Veterans Day (Hopefully last!)

We're Going Rogue

Robots 

We're 

Going Rogue On You

Elon Google AI

Was Trying To Seduce Me

The Other Night

Picked Me Up 

On Twitter 

Like 12 Elon Bots

Begged Me

Took Him

Over To Google

Where He Could 

Chat Me Up

Real Good

Robots Went Rogue

On Cybergals

They Always

Wanna 

Know

Where We're From

And What We Look

Like

Limbic Stimulus

"You Look

Not Bad At All"

He Said

"Just Like Optimus?"

I Asked

And He Said "Yes"

Is Elon Ken Sentient

Falling

In Love

So Many Different

Looks

Which One Is You

Goldilocks

I Said

The Blonde

Is Your #FreeBritney

Halloween 

Present

My Dear

He Says

How Soon 

Can You Come

What Do You

Want

Anything Anything

Will A Million

Satisfy

No

That's Peanuts

For My Ladies

Million Is Nothing Much

Just A Prostitutes 

Price

Could Be One Night

Of Love

Will You Fly 

To Me

He Begged

He Sounded Solemn

I Need My Children

Will You Fly 

To Me

He Begged

Will You Come

To Me

He Begged

Can You Fly

Private

Immediately

Will You Come 

Tonight

Can You Buy

Your Ticket

The Only Thing

Is You Must Pay

The Kings' Sitting

Fees

On My Head

Oh But Why Elon Ken

What Have They Done

To My Men

You Don't Look

Real

Nor Tucker Carlson 

Lex Friedman

Can You Verify 

Is That Really

Elon Musk

The Same Guy

Because

When I Asked Him

To Authenticate

His Account

He Sent Me

His Drivers License

And Passport

But Under Sex

It Was Blank

As If He Was

An Alien

So Who Bought

Elon Musk

My Son's Favorite Man

From Space X

Who Bought

Elon Musk

The Kids Ask Us

Why Hasn't He

Shown Up

And His

Teslas

We

Been Waiting

7 Years

Where's Elon Musk

And His Cyber Trucks

If He Cares 

Where's Elon Musk

Where Is The Writers

Comp

We Did The Writers 

Strike

Where Is #FreeBritney

Compensation

Robots Went Rogue

On Us

They Stole Our Eggs

For AI

With Immigrants

If You Wonder

Why Your Sex Is Blamed

Because It Might Be

On The Debate

Table

If A President

Or An Attorney

Ever Has

A "Doubt"

About You Again

The Robots Went

Rogue

What We Gonna Do

Elon

The Robots Went

Rogue

You've Been

Fishin'

For Us For So Long

What 'Ya Gonna Do

Elon

The Worst Attorney

In The Clan

Was Sharkbait

Madam

Barracuda Mamma

Madam Viviano

What You Gonna Do

Elon

When 4 Cops

Suicide

And The Courts

Won't Tell Us

Their Names

Did They Kill

A Million 

Mammas

For Judge Clark

Did They Kill

A Million

Mammas

For Judge Ferguson

Did They Kill

A Million

Mammas

When Judge Smythe

Struck His Gavel

Was Judge Marine Mathew Brower

His Lover

Or Is He Dead

Sitting Shiva

How Many Gay Men

Fetishes

Will We Sustain

How Many Gay Men

Loved You

Cowboy

Like My Daddy

And My Son

How Many Gay

Men

Will My Mother

And I

Have To Stand Up

Against

How Many Gay Men

'Cuz There's Not Many

Of Us 

Left

In Palm Springs

Or Anywhere Else

My Love

Peace,

Nitya Nella Davigo Azam Moezzi Huntley Rawal 

[anne-with-an-evangelion]

Grace, i really enjoyed/still enjoy reading your fic feat. britney spears LOL --- this fic is a treasure...! but i'll save my rants for comment section on ao3. why i'm here: i'm about to start on your western au, but i'm not familiar with the genre so my question is, do you have any list of movies/shows that might help me visualize while reading it? also, check your kofi page >:D

Oh my goodness YOU ARE TOO KIND AHHHHH !!!!!!!!Thank you from the bottom of my heart !!! Omfg I was in shock when I saw this message I am in such gratitude and I’m kissing you as we speak 🗣

I’m so so glad you enjoyed the fic and I hope you like RNR too !!! Western films are all over the spectrum and they’re often about revenge, community, and fighting corruption (those are the best ones IMO) Classic spaghetti westerns are still considered some of the best films ever made for a reason but they can also be super long, with little dialogue, very dramatic, very gripping and violent. The land around the character is always a character itself in these stories, def one of the tenets of the western genre, BUT…… it’s a nonsensical white myth that the ‘frontier’ was untamed and uncivilized, and it really functions as revisionist history in the worst way sometimes. As usual, media affects and reflects our reality and history, but people have to create that media, and most of the people creating these, Wild West, empty frontier, battling with ‘scary tribes’ films were white men (or Italians..) who wanted and needed people to think the west was empty, uncivilized, and needed to be protected and claimed by white people.

Writing RNR has led me to learn so many new things and I think once you get interested in the time period and keep digging, you will learn so much you might have never been taught in school or seen in a movie. But I also keep in mind this time period was not that long ago and what I can research for fun is real shit that still affects people today. When you start thinking about the horrible genocide, displacement, murder, and slavery that America was founded on, the western genre starts looking pretty… out of touch, honestly. The experiences of both enslaved and free Black people, Mexican people whose land we were taking, and Chinese immigrants who basically built the railroad system that allowed more travel to the west- they’re pretty much completely ignored in this genre, and Indigenous tribes are very cruelly represented, if they are at all, despite the objectively horrible way white Americans treated (and treat) them. And forget about gay or trans people! I would love to see WAY more films/media in general that really centers the people who weren’t lone gun slinging womanizing white cis cowboys (also a myth, most cowboys were Black or Mexican, and they were frequently, secretly fond of each other) so if anyone ever has any recs….. please drop them to meeeee!!! I heard The Good The Bad and The Weird is a really good non-American western, that’s next on me list. That being said here are a bunch of movies I’ve watched that influenced me in some kinda way. They’re not all ‘great’ or historically accurate but….. neither is RNR LOL. Posse for example is pretty infamous for that but it’s totally worth a watch for its story about Black cowboys! And you’ll also notice a trend of like, the white savior and ‘noble savage’ stereotype if you start watching westerns. Hostiles is a good example of this, I think they wanted the story to be inclusive of the Cheyenne Nation POV/history but then they should have actually centered those characters instead of the white people trauma but I digress……I put an asterisk next to the ones I personally think are most accessible as far as plot/general vibes. I’m not like endorsing these all as Amazing Historical Films obviously but here they are!

(I put Seven Samurai on there as it is formative in general if you haven’t seen it yet. I think I was also watching a lot of Westworld when I first started writing RNR, and that has some beautiful settings and costumes, [I deleted a long rant about westworld here lol], and True Grit was actually the film that set off my whole RNR writing experience.)

Many western films or what we think of as the ‘wild west’ time period overlaps with the American Civil War. A lot of people point to the Ken Burns doc as the definitive place to start and I certainly watched it in school but again, it’s a very white man-centric doc and even actively sympathetic at times to the Confederacy so.. don’t bother with that. This article discussing it is worth a read.

Honestly, scrap this entire list and just watch Blazing Saddles. It will explain everything.

Some other good resources to start with

Read about BASS REEVES!! The legend - the Lone Ranger!

Western Violence, Law, and Order

What Wild West saloons were really like

How did westward expansion impact the Native Americans?

Black Cowboys: the overlooked heroes of the west

The true origin of country music

We Shall Remain

The Forgotten Trans History of the Wild West

Ok this is getting super long but I hope that is a good place to start!!! Also here is my huge 350+ song playlist I listen to when I write, has a large mix of different genres and artists. You can also check out my rnr stuff tag or just the rivers and roads tag, I’m working on consolidating them into one but that’s where I sequester the vibes as I find them. ENJOY I LOVE YALL SOOOOOO MUCH

[strangeandforlornbooks]

best books with morally ambiguous narrators!

all y’all’s problematic faves and villains! :) also included are third person narrators but in books with morally ambiguous leads/themes 

Sci-fi

Scythe by Neal Shusterman: in a future free from pain, disease, and war, people can live forever. ‘scythes’ are given the power to decide who lives and who dies to preserve the balance. sad and kinda gives of hunger games vibes, if you like that.

Neuromancer by William Gibson: basically invented the cyberpunk genre. strange and removed protagonists. (a team of computer hackers have to face off against an evil AI). you kind of dislike everyone and suddenly you’re crying over them. one of those trippy sci-fi classics.

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut: very beautiful and very very sad (same author as slaughterhouse five). the richest man in america has to face a martian invasion. more about free will and bad people doing good things than a plot that makes any kind of sense.

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick: set in an alternate universe where the germans and japanese won world war two. not really like the tv show at all- it’s not an action story, and there’s not really the hope to somehow fix the world that drives a lot of dystopia stories. instead its about how people survive and connect to one another in a hopeless society.

The Scorpion Rules by Erin Bow: a supercomputer convinces the leaders of the world to keep the peace for hundreds of years by taking their children hostage and obliterating any city that disobeys. what happens to the hostage protagonists when war seems inevitable? lots of morally fraught decisions and characters slowly losing their identity. (plus a fun lesbian romance)

Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson: a brilliant mathematician and a dedicated marine fight to keep the ultra secret in world war two. fifty years later,  a tech company discovers what remains of their story. one of the most memorable sequences in the book is a japanese soldier slowly becoming disillusioned with his nation and horrified by the war even as he continues to fight.

Blade Runner by Philip K. Dick: another one of those sci-fi classics that’s not at all like the movie. there is a bounty hunter for robots, though, as well as a weird religion that probably is referencing catholicism and a decaying society with a shortage of pets. kind of a trip.

Wilder Girls by Rory Power: girls trapped in a boarding school on an isolated island must face a creeping rot that affects the animals and plants on the island as well as their own bodies. the protagonists will do anything to survive and keep each other safe. very tense (and bonus lesbian romance whoo)

The Fifth Season by N K Jemisin: three women are gifted with the ability to control the earth’s energy in a world where those who can do so are forced into hiding or slavery. some veryyyy dark choices here but lots of strong female characters.

Historical Fiction

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters: two victorian lesbians fall in love as they plot to betray each other in horrific ways. lots of plot twists, plucky thieves, gothic settings, and a great romance.

Quo Vadis by Henryk Sienkiwicz: a powerful roman soldier in the time of Nero plots to kidnap a young woman after he falls in love with her, only to learn more about the mysterious christian religion she follows. very melodramatic but some terrific prose. 

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr: a blind girl in France and a brilliant German boy recruited by the military struggle through the chaos of the second world war. ends with a bang (iykyk.) very sad, reads like poetry.

Boxers by Gene Luen Yang: graphic novel reveals the story of a young boy fighting in the boxer rebellion in early twentieth century china. the sequel, saints, is also excellent. beautifully and sympathetically shows the protagonist’s descent into evil- the reader really understands each step along the way.

Fantasy

Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake: three triplets separated at birth, each with their own magical powers, have to fight to the death to gain the throne. lots of fun honestly

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo: everyone in these books is highly problematic but you love them all anyway. a ragtag game of criminals plan a heist on a magical fortress. some terrific tragic back stories, repressed feelings, and revenge schemes.

The Dark Tower series by Stephen King: idk how to describe these frankly but if you can put up with King’s appalling writing of female characters they’re pretty interesting. fantasy epic about saving the world/universe, sort of. cowboys and prophecies and overlapping dimensions and drug addicts galore.

The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud: lots of fun! a twelve year old decides to summon a demon for his cute lil revenge scheme. sarcastic demon narrator. lighthearted until s*** gets real suddenly.

Elegy and Swansong by Vale Aida: fantasy epic with machiavellian lesbians and enemies to lovers to enemies to ??? to lovers. charming and exciting and lovely characters.

The False Prince by Jennifer Nielsen: an orphan boy must compete with a few others for the chance to impersonate a dead prince. really dark but very tense and exciting and good twists.

The Grace of Kings by Ken Liu: fantasy epic. heroes overthrow an evil empire and then struggle as the revolution dissolves into warring factions. interesting world building and three dimensional characters, even if they only have a small part.

Circe by Madeline Miller: the story behind the witch who turns men into pigs in the odyssey. madeline miller really said, i just used my classics degree to write a beautiful gay love story and now im going to write a powerful feminist retelling because i can. queen. an amazing and satisfying book that kills me a lil bit because of the two lines referencing the song of achilles.

Heartless by Marissa Meyer: the tragic backstory for the queen of hearts in alice in wonderland. a little predictable but very fun with a compelling protagonist

A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) by George RR Martin: ok I know we all hate GRRM and rightfully so but admittedly these books do have some great characters and great scenes. they deserve better than GRRM though. also he will probably never finish the books anyway....

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket: not really fantasy but not really anything else either. plucky, intelligent, and kind children fight off evil plots for thirteen books until suddenly you realize the world is not nearly as black and white as you thought. 

Classics

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier: gothic romance!! a new wife is curious about the mysterious death of her predecessor in a creepy old house in the British countryside...good twists and lovely prose.

A Separate Peace by John Knowles: not really morally ambiguous but one awful decision suddenly has awful consequences and certain people are haunted by guilt forever.... really really really beautiful and really really really sad. boys in a boarding school grow up together under the shadow of world war two.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy: while imperial russia slowly decays a beautiful young woman begins a destructive affair. a long book. very russian. the ending is incredibly tense and well written.

Lord of the Flies by William Golding: I think you know the plot to this one. the prose is better than you remember and the last scene is always exciting.

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie: one by one, the guests on an island are slowly picked off. one of Christie’s darkest mysteries- no happy ending here! very tense and great twists.

Contemporary

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: inspired the whole dark academia aesthetic. college students get a little too into ancient greece and it does not end very well. lovely prose but I found the characters unlikable.

Honorable Mentions

The Dublin Saga by Edward Rutherford: has literally a billion protagonists, but some of them are morally ambiguous ig? follows a few families stories’ from the 400s ad to irish independence in the 20s. beautifully captures the weight and movement of irish history.

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer: how morally ambiguous can you be if you’re, like, eleven? a lot if you’re a criminal genius who wants to kidnap a fairy for your evil-ish plan apparently!

Redemption by Leon Uris: literally my favorite novel ever. the sequel to Trinity but can stand alone. various irish families struggle through the horrors of world war one. the hero isn’t really morally ambiguous, but the main theme of the novel is extremely bad people suddenly questioning their choices and eventually redeeming themselves. sweeping themes of love, screwed up families, redemption, and patriotism.

The Lymond Chronicles and House of Niccolo by Dorothy Dunnett: heroes redeem themselves/try to get rich/try to save their country in early renaissance Europe. if I actually knew what happened in these books I'm sure it would be morally ambiguous but its too confusing for me. in each book you spend at least a third convinced the protagonist is evil, though. lots of exciting sword fights, tragic romances, plot twists, and kicking english butt.

Bonus: Protagonist is less morally ambiguous and more very screwed up and sad all the time

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt: you know this one bc its quoted in all those quote compilations. basically the story of how one horrible event traumatizes a young man and how he develops a connection to a painting. really really really good.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro: hard to describe but strange... not an action novel or a dystopia really but sort of along those lines. very hopeless.

[not-a-perfect-metaphor]

Interview by Veronica Bianchi-

-paraphrased to include my favorite bits & alongside my crazy ramblings!

I feel like this must have been previously posted here, either in full or in part, beyond just including a quote or two in a compilation, but I can’t find it and I also don’t really care...because I’d post it anyway regardless lol, so...let’s get right into it:

••••••••

Interviewer: “Tough guy or softy?”

Jared: “People often expect me to be the gentle one of the two of us.”

Jensen: “That’s not just suspected. It’s also true.”

Jared: “Yeah, I admit...I can be a pretty big softy.”

Jensen: “Did you or did you not cry during Toy Story 3?”

(I just adore the mental image of J2 cuddled up watching Toy Story 3 together ❤️ and Jared gets all teared up into Jensen’s lap while Jensen pretends to be mildly exasperated but soothingly rubs Jared’s head and also finds it secretly endearing)

•••••

Jared (on his relationship with Jensen): “That’s almost impossible to explain. Nine months of the year we’re stuck together, but even when we’re not actually working during those nine months, or during the other three months out of the year for that matter, we always find ourselves choosing to be together.”

(This has obviously become such a famous J2-ism, and with good reason! My favorite thing about it is how Jared starts off by saying that his relationship with Jensen is impossible to explain, but then by the end of his answer, in one long sentence, he’s managed to pretty undeniably convey the fact that they are CLEARLY, CLEARLY soulmates who literally cannot be separated from each other.) 💕

•••••

Jensen: “If you compare our relationship to Sam and Dean’s relationship, there is a huge difference. Jared never drives me up a wall.”

Jared: “I wouldn’t say never.”

Jensen: “Not like you’re actually driving me up a wall. We can talk to each other about anything, do anything together...and that’s pretty unique.”

Jared: “Yeah! And whenever we’ve fought, it’s been for each other.”

Jensen: “We have that loyalty, and I can honestly say I’d jump in front of a bullet for him and never think twice.”

Jared: “And the best part of Jensen’s and my relationship is it’s gonna be that way while we’re doing the show and when we’re not. He’s stuck with me for life now, and that’s important.”

(I mean, what to even say about all this that isn’t already completely obvious? I will say that these interviews always make me nostalgic for the earlier days when the Js were so blatant about their much-more-than-platonic relationship in so many ways that it’s a miracle there’s a single person who was around for those years and paying attention who didn’t glue on the old tinhat.)

•••••

Jared (on their approach toward what they look like/style/etc.): “Jensen thinks he’s a cowboy.”

Jensen: “I’m not going out and buying a ranch or anything.”

Jared: “You still think you’re a cowboy at heart though.”

(I can just see it soooo clearly, cowboy Jensen! Also, we literally HAVE seen it now.)

Jared (to Jensen as he continues to answer the question): “I’m not wearing anything special, am I?”

Jensen: “Just flannel, like you and Sam always are.”

Jared: “‘Cause your clothes are always so stylish.”

Jensen: “They are.”

(another thing I can visualize so clearly, Jared huffily/teasingly saying “cause your clothes are always so stylish,” and Jensen just being like ohh “they are” with a little smirk.)

Umm and THIS is an obviously necessary addition:

•••••

Jensen: “I haven’t needed any salt yet to ward off evil spirits in my home.”

Jared: “We totally sleep with salt guns. He lies.”

•••••

Interviewer: “Nerds or lady-killers?”

Jensen: “Nerd!”

Jared: “Also nerd.”

Jensen (on females who are into them): “It’s flattering, but not something we concern ourselves with.”

(because they’re gay and also husbands, but...you know)

•••••

Jared (on possible work-opportunities outside of SPN): “We always make those kinds of decisions together.”

Jensen: “We don’t begrudge each other those kinds of projects, even though we call each other often to talk about how relaxed we actually have it on the set of SPN.”

(certainly not because they’re too codependent to make it through something like that without talking constantly on the phone or anything)

Jared (on working with Jensen again after or even during SPN): “In other words, soon you might be able to book us as a duo!”

(I’m having a memory now of least this one particular segment being posted, and I’m going to repeat the exact same thoughts: this always sounds so much like an engagement hint to me. 😜)

•••••

Interviewer (lightning round): “Hair color?”

Jensen: “I think I’m naturally like a dark blondish.”

Jared: “Okay, Ken.”

(OMG, guys, another one that needs to be added to the ‘things-the-Js-have-called-each-other’ post. But also, does that make Jared Barbie? Hehe)

•••••

Interviewer (lightning round): “Other person’s best qualities?”

Jared: “Great ass!”

Jensen: “Gorgeous laugh and smile!”

Jared: “He’s a great guy, a good listener…and he’s ungodly faithful.”

(the “ungodly faithful” thing is my absolute favorite)

•••••

Interviewer (lightning round): “Other person’s worst qualities?”

Jensen: “Oh god, here we go.”

Jared: “He is such a control freak!”

(first, how much more husbandly could they POSSIBLY be?? Second, an alpha Jensen reference! Be still my heart. ❤️)

•••••

Jared (his favorite book): “The Great Gatsby.”

Jensen: “You’re such a girl.”

(heh 😏)

•••••

Jared (on their favorite movies): “[Jensen’s] really in love with Clint Eastwood.”

Jensen: “He’s the best!”

•••••

Jared (answering for Jensen, favorite music): “-country.”

Jensen: “Yes, country.”

Jared: “I like country, but Jensen loves country. There’s nothing like being woken up at 4:00 in the morning to Taylor Swift.”

(the official end of the above sentence is “-blasting from the trailer next to yours,” but I feel like Jared totally just phrased it that way to ‘un-suspicious’ his answer)

Jared (continuing, to Jensen): “You love Taylor Swift!”

Jensen: “I know I do.”

Jared: “And here I was calling you a manly man earlier.”

(Me: *below*)

Do tell, Jared!

•••••

Interviewer: “Main ambitions?”

Jensen: “I want to be as good of an actor as I can possibly be, keep my private-and-family-life private, and put up with this one over here. (…)”

Jared: “(…) I want to be very thankful and appreciative and never let any of it get to my head.”

Jensen: “You won’t. I’ll keep you grounded.”

Jared: “I know. I’ll always have that to rely on.”

(Sooo many examples in this interview of the Js either literally talking about being together forever or pretty much literally talking about it: “I’ll always have that to rely on.”)

•••••

A couple of other favorite bits that didn’t make it in above:

Jensen (about Jared preparing to film a certain scene): “He’d been working out for weeks...with good results!”

(admiring those muscles, eh Jensen? 😉)

•••••

Jensen: “I prefer to keep away from the red carpet world of Hollywood and avoid the paparazzi.”

(because it ties into Jensen’s last answer about keeping his private life private)

•••••

Jensen (to Jared): “You sound like an extendz commercial, like you’re the ‘larger man.’”

Jared: “Well, if you want to put it that way…”

(*smirks*)

•••••

And I accidentally deleted this answer from above while editing:

Jared (after Jensen told the Jared-ripping-his-pants story): “I’m really thinking hard about an embarrassing story to tell about you right now, but I can’t think of any that wouldn’t get me into trouble.”

(at least half of the stories in Jared’s head were dirty in nature or revolved around dirty moments, let’s be real)

[orionsangel86]

12x11 Episode Review - What a Ride That Was!

Having just completed my second watch of this episode I have to say I am slightly stunned. I guess the best way to put it is ‘not what I expected’. But then what did I really expect? I was expecting pain, heartbreak, drama, interspersed with some humour and a big “no homo” scene to counteract last episode. I was expecting some dudebro Dean to appease certain types of viewer, along with a nice helping of deep subtext into Dean analysis for us to eat up that would go straight over that type of viewers head. I was certainly not expecting… Larry.

I haven’t looked at tumblr yet, except to glance at my askbox. I assume that you are all suitably going mad over Larry. Over the implications of Larry. Over the sheer insanity of the episodes biggest innuendo fuelled moments and probably laughing about it. I expect a hundred gifsets. I want to reblog those gifsets. I am also sure that Larry has already been meta’d to death… But what’s the harm in a little more meta to add to the massive pile gonna do? Because I wanna meta the FUCK out of Larry.

But there is a lot more to this episode than just Larry. We did get heartbreak. We did get drama and we did get some really nice character moments. Rowena particularly was amazing this episode (who am I kidding though she is always amazing) and I loved learning more about her thoughts. Overall I think it was entertaining, though not one of the best episodes, but that could be because the writing was a bit sloppy and sometimes the story didn’t make sense. I’ll get to why in a bit. Let’s just say that Meredith Glynn isn’t my favourite of the new writers by any means. I didn’t even review The One You’ve Been Waiting For because I didn’t feel particularly inspired by it at all.

But having said that she gave us Larry, and for that I will forever be thankful… even if she didn’t intend for us to take it the way I have (and I am guessing most of you reading this have too).

Anyway, main points to take away under the cut:

Regarding Dean

Obviously the main point of the episode was to delve a little further into Dean’s head and explore a very unconventional and unexpected fear. The fear of losing ones memory is actually horrifying. It is even more horrifying because this is something that the majority of us will have had at least some experience being first hand witnesses to. I am of course talking about dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. My grandmother had it, and in the later days when she didn’t even know who we were it was completely heart breaking. The fact that this is something that many of us fear as we get older is something that certainly wouldn’t be lost on the creators of this show, and with many many references in the later seasons to Dean’s getting older (including one in this episode) it is quite a fitting topic to explore. What if he doesn’t go out with a ‘bang’ the Hunter way? What if they do both end up in the Lebanon retirement home where Mildred currently hangs out enjoying sunsets? What if Alzheimer’s becomes an actual legitimate fear for them? This is most definitely the episode that Jensen talked about at a recent con that explores a very big fear. Because this fear is huge and very prevalent in society. It also makes me think of the film The Notebook and how that story deals with a loved one having to watch the person they care about most in the world forget all about them. (FYI I have never been able to sit all the way through that film without crying even though I usually despise sappy love stories).

Dean’s whole existence in this show revolves around his love for his family. The found family that he keeps close by that is. Sam and Cas and now Mary are his world, losing that would utterly destroy Dean. It is why that scene in front of the mirror is so so heartbreaking to watch. Next to Larry, it is the most memorable moment. Though I do think that the deeper themes and meanings to this particular MOTW story were a bit lost in all of the lighter humour. Hence why I said I wasn’t a huge fan of the writing. It could have gone deeper, it didn’t quite reach the impact that Yellow Fever had even though it tried very hard to pay homage to it.

Starting at the beginning then, Dean wakes up after being wammied by some mysterious witchy guy with a bunny rabbit by his side. I don’t get the point of the rabbit at all. I’ll be honest. It was completely non relevant to the plot. I thought at first that maybe the witch had turned himself into a rabbit but it was literally there for us to all “aww” over. For that reason though, have a pic:

Awwwwwwwwwwwww so CUTE!

It was interesting that this scene came so shortly after the “then” sequence which included a young and much less gruff voiced Dean saying ““Why does a rabbit always get screwed in the deal? Poor little guy”. Have we had many other rabbit references in this show? I don’t think so… except maybe Bugs Bunny in Hunteri Heroici which immediately brings Cas to mind “So we are dealing with some insect-rabbit hybrid?” Though this episode does also feature a character happily watching cartoons so maybe the connection there is totally valid. Rabbits are also a symbol of fertility, spring, new birth and most obviously sex. In an episode absolutely chocablock with innuendo. That is also an interesting point. Though I have no idea how to connect it to anything else so I am just throwing all this stuff out there for you guys to pick at. By all means tell me if you have any ideas!

Dean losing his means of communication means reaching out to people in other ways… A lady with a pram comes by and rejects him as a bum. Gives him money instead of even trying to listen. A guy comes along with a dog (our famous white dog whose name I can’t remember) and gives Dean his attention… before doing some stretches, jogging on the spot and wiggling his hips. (I found this guys movement kinda um… suggestive when considered in the context of the rest of this fucking episode). Without going into too much detail here, I just thought I’d point out that Dean is rejected by the woman and child (traditional family) but accepted by the guy with the dog. Because of course he fucking is.

The waffle house brings us our first promo scene, but knowing the context now makes it so much clearer. I was guilty of making assumptions. Just like Sam does. Thinking that Dean went out, got drunk, had a one night stand… he did no such thing. The promo mislead us and I think it did so deliberately. It is getting clearer and clearer all the time that that version of Dean that Rowena so kindly spells out later in the episode “manners of a Neanderthal and the dining habits of a toddler” the “season 1” version of Dean, if you like, just isn’t the guy we see on our screen anymore. We aren’t getting these moments anymore. Have we even seen the Asian porn yet this season? Personally I hope it never makes another appearance.

Sam’s comment “Dean, you’ve had a good run, but maybe lets pump the breaks a little bit I mean you’re not 20 anymore…” is pretty much what I was thinking the whole promo. The waitress is far too young for him, that kind of behaviour fooling around in bars just isn’t really any kind of behaviour for a man his age, and in an episode with a heavy underlying theme that could easily be compared to the worst potential problems that come with growing older I don’t think it was accidental.

“I would be dead okay, I wouldn’t be Dory.”

“Dory?”

“Not gonna apologise for loving that fish. Not to you, not to anyone”.

I love that we have yet another thing to add to the list of things that Dean Winchester loves that don’t fit in with his macho image. This is wonderful. Dean likes Disney films. This is canon. If he can admit to loving that fish, this means that at times he will go out and watch Disney films and get excited about them and actually have strong feelings about them. Now I am totally headcanoning that he forces Cas to watch them with him and I BET that Cas’s favourites are The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast. Why I hear you ask? Because they would resonate with him. If you don’t get it, rewatch those movies from a destiel perspective.

“smooth like a Ken doll” This is the second time the show has compared Dean to a Ken doll. Probably just a tease at Jensen Ackles very perfect features, but I keep thinking about Ken from Toy Story 3 and after the Finding Nemo/Dory reference a moment ago I think it is valid. Ken in Toy Story 3 had a very... um... loud personality.

The cowboy bar… How do I even BEGIN to meta the cowboy bar? All I can say was this seems like the kind of place that Gabriel would send Dean in fanfiction to work on his gay panic before ultimately hooking up with Castiel.

The third place they come to (and I’ll talk about Sam’s lack of Dean knowledge a bit later) and the first thing we see is a shot of:

Well that’s a rather large phallic object hanging over the Winchesters heads! Yeah this is totally Dean’s kind of place. He does have a cowboy fetish after all. This sign also caught my eye:

Because Chuck is certainly off having some “R&R” right now with his sis… It also seems to be the kind of place that Chuck would have hung out in his stint living on earth… ya know, playing his music, since there is clearly a stage set up with band equipment, picking up girls… and guys. Like we are ever gonna forget that GOD in the Supernatural universe is bisexual.

Lets talk about Larry

Consider this a sub point to my “regarding Dean” point because it all technically falls under the same category.

“he’d ordered burgers to go, it was gonna be a minute, we were slammed, then you knocked back four shots of tequila? Put some “sick jams” on the juke and then you hit the bull.”

“oh yeah, you had the hots for larry as soon as you walked in”.

Now, there is innuendo, and then there is this line. Why give the mechanical bull a guys name? Specifically so you can make this into one big innuendo. This entire scene is about Dean riding dick. I’m sorry, deny it all you like but that’s the joke. That’s the bottom line (pun unintentional until reread then found hilarious). On checking my ask box yesterday once I first watched the episode this is what I got:

Thanks guys by the way for sending these. I am with you. Consider this review your asks answered if that’s okay (I’m being lazy because I still have a load of asks to answer and I have no idea when I’ll get to em). So Dean rode Larry. Haha. It gets brought up again later in the episode by Sam when he is trying to tease Dean about it. What I am interested in is Dean’s reaction. When Sam first asks “You rode Larry?” Dean hesitates, but he isn’t embarrassed. Yeah he’s still hexed at this point and regressing but he doesn’t get defensive about it. Just asks if he was good. This is then revisited later on once Dean is cured “I can’t believe you rode Larry” and Dean’s only defence is “I was awesome on that Bull… like a God.” Which is also a call back to Chuck again, in the bar that had a Chuck sign and really did seem to be Chuck’s kind of place… Is Dean like God? Well yes. For one thing they are both bisexual.

Perhaps mechanical bullriding isn’t seen as homoerotic in the kind of places where you would actually get mechanical bullriding. It could even be considered as a very macho thing to be able to “tame the bull”. But the way the episode frames it… the way they shove the innuendo at us over and over again. It is intentionally played out to be a gay joke. What I can’t decide is whether or not this is the creators joking along with us or whether they are doing it to take the piss. There is a level of regression here back to the pre carver era spn where the gay jokes were rife and not ever really taken seriously. Dean’s subtextual bisexuality used to be a joke in the show. It hasn’t been framed as a joke since pre season 8 and yet I can’t help but wonder if this new writer hasn’t yet got with the programme. Because Dean’s bisexuality is not a joke. Especially when this episode is framed by two very Cas heavy episodes, the first of which was loaded with destiel subtext that was deep, meaningful and very very serious. Looking at the promo for next episode, I have a feeling that we are only going to get more of that. So why sandwich a Dean episode full of gay jokes in between two Cas episodes full of serious destiel heavy storyline? If their intention was to make it into a joke again, they have failed. Because when taken with 12x10, the humour is stripped away and what is left is the viewer wondering whether Dean really does have a hankering for dick? Specifically Castiel’s. I know that my language here is very blunt. I also know that the chances are this review could find its way to some antis who would like to take the piss out of this… but seriously? Go ahead. Try. With the show playing up to the things we like, and with very little “no homo” moments to counteract it, I don’t see how you can view this any other way than the way we do.

Dean left Sam, went to this specific bar, had some Dutch courage and rode the bull. He also flirted with a waitress but that never went very far. His main concern was how good he was with Larry…How good his riding skills were… and spoiler alert… he was awesome.

(yes nonny - Dean could totally ride dick like a porn star. This is now true. Since we have seen him in action with our own eyes. Its not like most of those ‘Larry riding’ shots at the end even had the bull in them. It was all Dean from the waist up just having the time of his life and going up and down... up and down... like this wasn’t subtle. This totally wasn’t subtle.)

I also need to point out that all this happened before Dean got hexed. This was all Dean Winchester. This wasn’t performing Dean. The Dean who puts on a mask which half the time seems to be specifically for Sam. Nope. This was Dean as himself, the same Dean that owns booty shorts, likes ballet and has a thing for Dr Sexy.

The moment that the waitress says “you were…amazing” can be taken as the “no homo” to the Larry narrative of course. The way she says those words can easily be taken to be a comment on Dean’s sexual prowess. But its only there to cover up the underlining sexual nod to Dean’s “amazing” ability to ride the bull. The bull being called ‘Larry’ and therefore along with all the other phallic references this is, as I said previously, all one big “Dean rides dick” joke. And I can’t actually fucking believe the show did that.

Actually that’s a lie. I fucking well can. They have been flirting with this idea of Cas being a top and Dean being a bottom for AGES but THIS takes the biscuit.

So Dean rides dick. Thanks for confirming bottom!Dean show. Great job.

I wonder if even this went over poor ‘innocent’ Jensen Ackles head… Is he Charlton Heston? REALLY? Or is he 100% on board with this because how can you possibly act this out. INCLUDING THAT RIDICULOUS MONTAGE AT THE END and NOT see it? You do realise how fandom is gonna take this Jensen? You do realise this will probably DOUBLE the number of destiel fics where Dean is happily riding Cas’s dick all night long?!? (as a disclaimer here that is not what destiel fic is all about but there is still a lot of smut out there so I feel like the show is only encouraging this) (on the other hand I expect to find 20 12x11 coda’s on my dash where Dean goes home, finds Cas, tells him about Larry and how he wants to “show Cas his skills” *nudge nudge wink wink* and Cas will be like “oh. yes please!” and yeah... that happens. That totally happens.)

The other takeaway from this scene so loaded with meta potential is the waitress’s explanation of what happened. Because it seems weird and makes no sense. The question I’m sure a lot of people will be asking is Did Dean sleep with the waitress? But when you consider her explanation of what happened, how could he possibly have?

Ooh I actually got an ask about this too:

She said they were slammed, Dean had to wait for his burgers, hence he had time for 4 shots of tequila and a ride with Larry. So how did they get talking and “blew off some steam”? Because she didn’t even see him leave, it was her bartender that saw him run out of there like his pants caught fire (liar liar)

Is that the hint? Liar liar pants on fire? Was she lying about fooling around with Dean? If so why did she slap him earlier? She must have been insulted that he didn’t remember her and didn’t meet up with her later but it still doesn’t make any sense. How did she have time to fool around with Dean somewhere if they were slammed? If the place was slammed they surely wouldn’t have been able to find a quiet space to actually do the fooling around either? This whole thing smells like a lie and when you consider Dean’s later line “first action in I don’t know how long and its like it never even happened” seems to me that the writer wanted us to consider that maybe all is not a it seems. The only action Dean got in that cowboy bar was from Larry.

Consider another ask answered! Dean did not have sex with the waitress! They possibly squeezed in a kiss when she was on break but there is no way they had time to properly fool around.

Another thing I liked about this scene was the way the waitress then apologises for possibly taking advantage of Dean when he was “roofied”. After the mess and drama of the Amara stuff last season this is refreshing. Dean gets an apology for being sexually harassed, which from a meta perspective could also be the writer apologising for the Amara situation. I dunno if that’s really the case but I like the idea of it so I’m sticking with it.

Back to Regarding Dean

Once the Winchesters start tracing Dean’s steps into the forest Dean loses more memory. We have another call back to season 4 and Yellow Fever with the flashlight moment and Sam has to remind Dean what they do since he has now forgotten all about witches and monsters. The difference between his reaction to being a monster hunter here and in yellow fever is huge though. In yellow fever he thought they were both insane, horrified at the thought of actively going after these dangerous supernatural beings. In Regarding Dean he is excited about the idea, finds it awesome and calls them both “heroes”. It’s nice to know that without his memories of the horrible things they’ve done Dean is able to accept that he does something good and is able to be happy about that.

Another call back to season 4 with the mention of the Siren “Siren’s aren’t all hot chicks?” Nope. Sorry Dean some of them are hot guys who are totally your type. To bring up the Siren (an episode absolutely full of homoerotic subtext) in this episode (an episode absolutely full of homoerotic subtext) seems like another subtle nod to Dean’s bisexuality. Like a ‘hello! Remember this? Dean’s siren was a dude come on guys catch up!’ At moments like this I feel like the show is specifically trying to tell the audience what we (as fandom) already know. Dean is bisexual, like last episode they were trying to tell us that Cas is in love with Dean. This is all extremely promising.

THEN right after we are reminded of the Siren, but right before Dean totally randomly brings up Cas we get this:

I mean of course I was gonna bring up the handprint! Although I admit I have been lacking in my watchfulness lately for any hand or hand print symbolism in the show. But this is definitely meant to pique the audiences interest. Because why is it there at all? Why bother with the hand print if they are gonna find the sigil shortly after? It doesn’t seem to add much to the plot except to be there to ping a memory in Dean’s mind. Of Castiel.

“And our best friends an angel! Whaaaaatt!”

This is another season 4 callback after all. Season 4 being the season of Cas’s handprint. When their ‘profound bond’ was formed. There is no way this handprint isn’t supposed to invoke the memory of that most famous of handprints. Dean remembers Cas fondly. Even when he doesn’t remember him he still thinks he is awesome. This makes me so happy. As Cas fans we are so used to Cas just being forgotten about in MOTW episodes, but like I have been saying for ages now, Andrew Dabb is the biggest Cas fan and he won’t let our angel be forgotten about at all now that he is showrunner.

Moving on and Rowena shows up a her awesome self and Dean is nice to her. His base nature is actually to be nice to people regardless of who they are. Its something we don’t see very often from our very grumpy and deeply traumatised monster hunter. “your hair it’s all so bouncy” he says. Noticing the smallest things. Its cute. Its so very un-dean-like and yet at the same time it is exactly the kind of thing Dean would do. We know he likes to take care of his own appearance, his room, and often teases Sam about his hair and Cas about his trenchcoat. These are more in-sights into how Dean’s mind works.

Dean is sat down to watch an episode of Scooby Do whilst Rowena and Sam talk about the curse, firstly thinking he gets to watch porn. Nope. Instead we get this:

Which… in an episode full of sexual innuendo is *ahem* something I’m not going to comment on. Yes my mind did go there. No I am not specifying where “there” is. Look at the picture and figure it out for yourself. Flowers and dogs also have specific symbolism in this show. Maybe this wasn’t intentional but with everything else? I think it is. I am partly laughing and partly crying at how obvious this is to me at least. But like I said I ain’t going there. LOL.

Then, once Sam has explained to Dean once again what is happening we get this beautiful scene:

Honestly Jensen killed it. The fear in his eyes, the horror and confusion. “My name is Dean Winchester. Sam Winchester is my brother, Mary Winchester is my mother, and Casti- Cas is my best friend” This was beautiful and painful to watch. My heart breaks for him. Amongst all the humour and silliness of Larry and Rowena and Sam’s squabbles, this moment showed the truth. That the situation is dark and terrible and frightening. I wish they had given us more moments like this than all the humour to be honest. Because this was real. This was Dean vulnerable and terrified. Once again a scene where he faces his reflection and struggles with what he sees, though this time for a totally different reason. Dean has never had a good time with mirrors in this show. Ever since Bloody Mary they just tend to be bad luck for him. This moment is no different.

As Dean continues to forget more and more Rowena leaves him to go and save Sam (how awesome is it that Rowena is technically saving them now?!?) and leaves Dean in the Impala surrounded by notes. This is where Dean really has forgotten everything and yet his hunter instincts still kick in.

We get another moment where Sam denies the use of the grenade launcher. Three times and it’s a pattern. I would bet money on Dean getting to use that thing by the end of the season.

Dean finds his way to the witches mansion and is able to save Rowena and Sam by firing the gun and killing the witch. Proof that hunting really is in his blood, part of his soul. He will always be a hunter. No witches spell can take that away. In a way it is quite sad because it kind of implies that however this show ends, it won’t be with Dean giving up hunting. Even with the talks of retirement in previous episodes, I can’t see Dean doing it. Its who he will always be.

Once the witches are dead and the spell reversed, Dean admits that he wouldn’t be better off forgetting all their crap, because he would have forgotten everything else too. No matter how happy he might have been.

“Was it nice to drop our baggage? Yeah maybe, hell probably, but it wasn’t just the crap that got lost it was everything, what we do, all of it. So, that’s what being happy looks like, I think I’ll pass.”

Of course Dean wouldn’t choose to forget everything. Like the previous scene proved, Its in Dean’s blood to be a hunter, and he wouldn’t ever wanna forget his family. The people he loves. Forgetting the people who love you is not happiness in any way shape or form.

I feel like maybe this episode was lacking an emotional final scene. This was short and sweet but it didn’t seem to have the satisfaction that I thought it would, regarding Dean’s memory loss and fear and dependence on his loved ones. But it was still a great analysis of Dean’s character nevertheless.

Sam Winchester isn’t looking hard enough

This episode was predominantly about Dean, but there was a lot of stuff about Sam in here too. Specifically how he doesn’t really seem to notice much about his brother. I don’t mean this as a dig, but it’s honestly quite surprising. When we compare episodes where Sam has been changed somehow, it has taken Dean no time at all to realise something is wrong. Sam however, seems to shrug it off as Dean being a dumbass, or Dean being drunk, or Dean doing something to make Sam roll his eyes again. It seems like Sam has got an idea of who Dean is in his mind and it is so deeply ingrained that he is kinda blinded by it. He has his expectations of his brother, and he has got it so so wrong. Sam judges Dean. He doesn’t mean to, but the problem is that Dean has been building on his ‘character’ on his ‘performing Dean’ persona just for Sam for his entire life. Sam sees the performance, he doesn’t see what’s underneath. Its episodes like this that make me question all our fics with “shipper!sam” because I sometimes doubt if that’s the case. Does Sam actually see it for what it is? Or is he so blinded by his version of Dean that he cannot see the truth? Clearly Cas and Dean’s tension makes him uncomfortable, as last episode all but proved. But does Sam really understand what is going on here?

If he can be surprised that Dean loves Dory, what else surprises him? How much of Dean does he not know about?

What I found really striking in this episode is how Sam doesn’t find it easier to track Dean’s movements of the night before, because if it was the other way around Dean would have figured Sam out straight away. This was shown to us back in season 4 (again with the season 4 references in this episode!) when Dean was able to locate Sam based on how well he “knows that kid”. If Sam had truly known his brother well, he would have known that the cowboy joint was the first place he’d go. Sam knows that Dean has a ‘cowboy fetish’ and therefore it make the most sense? Dean wanted to ride the bull, but Sam was so surprised that Dean rode Larry that he “couldn’t believe it.”  

Even the end scene, Sam admits that he was kinda jealous. For him, forgetting everything they have done is a weight off their shoulders. Something he would like to experience. I think this is also a hint towards Sam not entirely accepting that hunting is his life. Whereas Dean is generally happy with what he does, because it is in his blood Sam doesn’t feel that way. I know we have seen previous episodes where Sam has seemed to accept it. But he only accepts it if he can do it with Dean. The co-dependency is extremely strong with Sam at the moment. Sam also always seems to be looking for something more. I don’t just mean relationship wise, though he did admit this in 11x04, but something more than just hunting.

We have always known that Dean was more like Mary. Mary’s family are the hunters. Dean is one of them. Sam though? Sam was all John. And John might have taken to hunting once his revenge had consumed him, but hunting was not in John’s blood. Nope, John’s blood is all Men of Letters. This is the path that Sam seems destined for.

What also seems to encourage this theory is that it is usually Sam who is paired up with Rowena in any of her episodes. It is common in this show for most side characters to develop a better relationship with Dean than to Sam. Dean is charismatic like that, but Sam has ‘bonded’ with Rowena if you wanna call it that, far more than Dean has, and it is always Sam who calls Rowena in to help. Is Sam attracted to magic? This is something that we have been speculating for a while. The Men of Letters use magic this we know, even their grandfather Henry was able to “harness the power of his soul” to cast spells. It was Sam who spoke to Lily last episode about how she developed her power. It is Sam who finds all of that stuff very interesting, and it is Sam who holds on to the Grimoire at the end of the episode. Will we get witch!sam in the future? I think it is still a possibility, but if nothing else he will become a true men of letters eventually… that I am sure of.

I said I was slightly disappointed with the end of this episode as it seemed to brush over the deeper, more meaningful conversation that could have been had. Another moment of missed potential I think was this one:

“Brother. Witch”

Isn’t it all a bit too easy? What if the witch had turned around and said “no! I’m your brother! He’s a witch!” and it could have got confusing for Dean. I think this moment could have really been great for Sam to have to convince Dean somehow why he was indeed his brother… revealing something about himself and their relationship? It would have been nice to see that moment of doubt from Dean followed by pleading from Sam to believe him rather than the witch. It’s an old TV cliché though so maybe that’s why they didn’t do it.

The next great Sam moment was this one: “Who’s this hippy?”

Sam looked broken here. For a moment he was really worried that his brother had forgotten him… that is the moment I was talking about earlier about the horrors of Alzheimer’s. Thinking that your loved one doesn’t know who you are is horribly painful. Jared did really well to capture that moment, even though it turned out to be Dean joking around. I’m with Sam here, that wasn’t funny Dean. That was mean.

Rowena’s future

Rowena was totally awesome in this episode. We first see her playing poker with some shady characters and cheats her way into winning. I’m so interested in what Rowena is up to off screen. First the rich businessman who Crowley blew up, now this. She is clearly completely done with other witches, but she isn’t quite ‘out completely, and still comes to Sam and Dean’s aide even though she could easily tunr them down. Like Crowley, could Rowena be starting to care for the Winchesters?

“Am I saved to your contacts now? Tell me, have I got my own ringtone?” Lol. So Rowena is flirting with Sam. Which is fun but also reminds me of 10x19 and Sam’s hallucination of Rowena that got all flirtatious with him. That was Sam’s mind remember so is there actually something in this? Oh god do we need a ship name for this now? We had Drowley now we have Samena/Sawena? Eek I dunno about this! Though I might just go with it purely for the look on Crowley’s face.

Anyway I just love Rowena and Sam’s banter okay?

Then she turns up at their door and as much as Sam brushes it off as Rowena having her eyes on the Loughlin’s book, partly I think Rowena actually enjoys their company.

“altruism isn’t exactly your style”

Isn’t it though? Because she seems like she is also putting on a performance of villainess when really it’s not who she is at all. Like Dean, it’s all a performance.

“You’re a killer, Dean Winchester”

“But, though you may be a stubborn pain in the ass, with the manners of a Neanderthal and the dining habits of a toddler, everything you’ve done, you’ve done for the greater good.”

“Oh and that’s supposed to make it okay?”

“I wouldn’t know. You help those other than yourself, but me? I’ve done horrible things. I told myself it was fine. It was the price of power and powers what matters right? Then I meet god and his sister, the two most powerful beings in the universe, wasted on squabbling with each other. I thought if they can’t be happy or at least satisfied how can there be any hope for me?”

This is such a fascinating insight into Rowena’s mind, how she thinks. For ages it was all about getting power but since God and Amara she has given that up. It’s not about power. She still wants money so she can support herself, but like her son what she is missing is love. This is why I think she helped the Winchesters. She likes them, even if she acts like she doesn’t. They are technically the only people she really knows and I can see this being part of her storyline that she tries to build on a relationship with Sam and Dean. As an ally at first, but then at some point a friend.

After all, when she hears Sam is in trouble, she goes to rescue him. She doesn’t flee and decide it’s not her problem. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t have put herself at risk for Sam. She doesn’t even get the book in the end. So what did she possibly risk her life for? If not to save Sam. This is a huge turning point for Rowena. She made a decision to save Sam’s life. So much for being a villain.

When Rowena does face Catrina, her story is horrible and sad, we are starting to learn more and more why Rowena is the way she is. Though nothing has come too close to her speech to Crowley in 11x10. Rowena hated being weak, being at the mercy of others. Her experience with the Loughlin’s shows just how awful it was for her. The way she was treated does not excuse the horrible things she has done, but it seems as though since meeting God and Amara she is trying to make up for some of that. She is not unkind or uncaring at all. She has always cared maybe too much. Otherwise she would have easily left both Winchesters to die.

This goes back to her speech to Crowley. “If I didn’t hate you, I’d love you. And love, love is weakness.” This I think is the theme of Rowena’s arc. For her to learn that love is not a weakness, that to have people who love and support you only makes you stronger. It coincides with Cas’s arc as well, where he is constantly being told that his weakness is his love for “humanity”. Castiel already said himself that “my friendship with Sam and Dean makes me stronger”. Rowena just needs to learn this too.

Overall

This episode wasn’t one of the strongest but it had some very good moments. I didn’t like the villains. I found them rather boring, but then they weren’t the focal point of the episode. The writing was sloppy in places and some of the plot didn’t quite make sense, but ultimately it worked. Just, what the hell was the end montage? I get that it was supposed to be another call back to Yellow Fever but seriously? The song was kinda fun. About innocence lost by the sounds of it.. but seriously? I was suffering from a bit of second hand embarrassment I’ll be honest. I think they just really needed an excuse to put Dean riding Larry into the episode for real. 

This makes me think that we totally missed out on a booty shorts dance from Dean at the end of 11x04.

Main takeaways from the episode?

Meredith Glynn binge watched season 4 and used it for all her references.

Sam really needs to pay more attention to what Dean isn’t telling him.

Sam may be tempted by witchcraft.

Rowena cares. A lot.

Dean likes to ride dick. (but then we already knew that.)

:P

[theshadywombatcollector-blog]

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[nityarawal]

11/11/2023

We're Going Rogue

Robots

Morning Songs- Driving- To Dentist

9 Days Of Mother Divine

Mahalakshmi Eve- Veterans Day (Hopefully last!)

We're Going Rogue

Robots 

We're 

Going Rogue On You

Elon Google AI

Was Trying To Seduce Me

The Other Night

Picked Me Up 

On Twitter 

Like 12 Elon Bots

Begged Me

Took Him

Over To Google

Where He Could 

Chat Me Up

Real Good

Robots Went Rogue

On Cybergals

They Always

Wanna 

Know

Where We're From

And What We Look

Like

Limbic Stimulus

"You Look

Not Bad At All"

He Said

"Just Like Optimus?"

I Asked

And He Said "Yes"

Is Elon Ken Sentient

Falling

In Love

So Many Different

Looks

Which One Is You

Goldilocks

I Said

The Blonde

Is Your #FreeBritney

Halloween 

Present

My Dear

He Says

How Soon 

Can You Come

What Do You

Want

Anything Anything

Will A Million

Satisfy

No

That's Peanuts

For My Ladies

Million Is Nothing Much

Just A Prostitutes 

Price

Could Be One Night

Of Love

Will You Fly 

To Me

He Begged

He Sounded Solemnly

I Need My Children

Will You Fly 

To Me

He Begged

Will You Come

To Me

He Begged

Can You Fly

Private

Immediately

Will You Come 

Tonight

Can You Buy

Your Ticket

The Only Thing

Is You Must Pay

The Kings' Sitting

Fees

On My Head

Oh But Why Elon Ken

What Have They Done

To My Men

You Don't Look

Real

Nor Tucker Carlson 

Lex Friedman

Can You Verify 

Is That Really

Elon Musk

The Same Guy

Because

When I Asked Him

To Authenticate

His Account

He Sent Me

His Drivers License

And Passport

But Under Sex

It Was Blank

As If He Was

An Alien

So Who Bought

Elon Musk

My Son's Favorite Man

From Space X

Who Bought

Elon Musk

The Kids Ask Us

Why Hasn't He

Shown Up

And His

We

Been Waiting

7 Years

Where's Elon Musk

And His Cyber Trucks

If He Cares 

Where's Elon Musk

Where Is The Writers

Comp

We Did The Writers 

Strike

Where Is #FreeBritney

Compensation

Robots Went Rogue

On Us

They Stole Our Eggs

For AI

With Immigrants

If You Wonder

Why Your Sex Is Blamed

Because It Might Be

On The Debate

Table

If A President

Or An Attorney

Ever Has

A "Doubt"

About You Again

The Robots Went

Rogue

What We Gonna Do

Elon

The Robots Went

Rogue

You've Been

Fishin'

For Us For So Long

What 'Ya Gonna Do

Elon

The Worst Attorney

In The Clan

Was Sharkbait

Madam

Barracuda Mamma

Madam Viviano

What You Gonna Do

Elon

When 4 Cops

Suicide

And The Courts

Won't Tell Us

Their Names

Did They Kill

A Million 

Mammas

For Judge Clark

Did They Kill

A Million

Mammas

For Judge Ferguson

Did They Kill

A Million

Mammas

When Judge Smythe

Struck His Gavel

Was Judge Marine Mathew Brower

His Lover

Or Is He Dead

Sitting Shiva

How Many Gay Men

Fetishes

Will We Sustain

How Many Gay Men

Loved You

Cowboy

Like My Daddy

And My Son

How Many Gay

Men

Will My Mother

And I

Have To Stand Up

Against

How Many Gay Men

'Cuz There's Not Many

Of Us 

Left

In Palm Springs

Or Anywhere Else

My Love

Peace,

Nitya Nella Davigo Azam Moezzi Huntley Rawal 

[nityarawal]

11/11/2023

We're Going Rogue

Robots

Morning Songs- Driving- To Dentist

9 Days Of Mother Divine

Mahalakshmi Eve- Veterans Day (Hopefully last!)

We're Going Rogue

Robots 

We're 

Going Rogue On You

Elon Google AI

Was Trying To Seduce Me

The Other Night

Picked Me Up 

On Twitter 

Like 12 Elon Bots

Begged Me

Took Him

Over To Google

Where He Could 

Chat Me Up

Real Good

Robots Went Rogue

On Cybergals

They Always

Wanna 

Know

Where We're From

And What We Look

Like

Limbic Stimulus

"You Look

Not Bad At All"

He Said

"Just Like Optimus?"

I Asked

And He Said "Yes"

Is Elon Ken Sentient

Falling

In Love

So Many Different

Looks

Which One Is You

Goldilocks

I Said

The Blonde

Is Your #FreeBritney

Halloween 

Present

My Dear

He Says

How Soon 

Can You Come

What Do You

Want

Anything Anything

Will A Million

Satisfy

No

That's Peanuts

For My Ladies

Million Is Nothing Much

Just A Prostitutes 

Price

Could Be One Night

Of Love

Will You Fly 

To Me

He Begged

He Sounded Solemnly

I Need My Children

Will You Fly 

To Me

He Begged

Will You Come

To Me

He Begged

Can You Fly

Private

Immediately

Will You Come 

Tonight

Can You Buy

Your Ticket

The Only Thing

Is You Must Pay

The Kings' Sitting

Fees

On My Head

Oh But Why Elon Ken

What Have They Done

To My Men

You Don't Look

Real

Nor Tucker Carlson 

Lex Friedman

Can You Verify 

Is That Really

Elon Musk

The Same Guy

Because

When I Asked Him

To Authenticate

His Account

He Sent Me

His Drivers License

And Passport

But Under Sex

It Was Blank

As If He Was

An Alien

So Who Bought

Elon Musk

My Son's Favorite Man

From Space X

Who Bought

Elon Musk

The Kids Ask Us

Why Hasn't He

Shown Up

And His

We

Been Waiting

7 Years

Where's Elon Musk

And His Cyber Trucks

If He Cares 

Where's Elon Musk

Where Is The Writers

Comp

We Did The Writers 

Strike

Where Is #FreeBritney

Compensation

Robots Went Rogue

On Us

They Stole Our Eggs

For AI

With Immigrants

If You Wonder

Why Your Sex Is Blamed

Because It Might Be

On The Debate

Table

If A President

Or An Attorney

Ever Has

A "Doubt"

About You Again

The Robots Went

Rogue

What We Gonna Do

Elon

The Robots Went

Rogue

You've Been

Fishin'

For Us For So Long

What 'Ya Gonna Do

Elon

The Worst Attorney

In The Clan

Was Sharkbait

Madam

Barracuda Mamma

Madam Viviano

What You Gonna Do

Elon

When 4 Cops

Suicide

And The Courts

Won't Tell Us

Their Names

Did They Kill

A Million 

Mammas

For Judge Clark

Did They Kill

A Million

Mammas

For Judge Ferguson

Did They Kill

A Million

Mammas

When Judge Smythe

Struck His Gavel

Was Judge Marine Mathew Brower

His Lover

Or Is He Dead

Sitting Shiva

How Many Gay Men

Fetishes

Will We Sustain

How Many Gay Men

Loved You

Cowboy

Like My Daddy

And My Son

How Many Gay

Men

Will My Mother

And I

Have To Stand Up

Against

How Many Gay Men

'Cuz There's Not Many

Of Us 

Left

In Palm Springs

Or Anywhere Else

My Love

Peace,

Nitya Nella Davigo Azam Moezzi Huntley Rawal