#I made moodboards but they felt too busy on this post so I went for more simplistic versions

[imogenkol]

🎵 ORIGINAL CHARACTER PLAYLISTS — IMOGEN KOL

[inspiration]

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[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Imagines

lacuna | pjs.

pairings: park jongseong x reader

synopsis: right after the disappearance of your bestfriend, you felt a big part of you missing. jay park, the rich school bad boy suddenly steps in to fill that gap. you let yourself fall into his trap, without knowing that his group of friends were the reason of your misery.

word count: 4.9k

warnings: yandere themes, mention of kidnapping, enhypen being obsessed, obsessive love, dark love and abuse of power & money. (let me know if i missed some)

note: this is jay’s entry for our yandere mini series. next part that will be posted is probably limerence (heeseung’s) part two. anyway, i hope you enjoy this one. replies and reblogs are highly encouraged. please please please! thank you so much, ily and stay safe!

fic moodboard › here

eeunoia 2024 © all rights reserved.

“Where’s Mom and Dad?” Jay asks while walking down the stairs. Some of their family helpers awaits him by the end of their long grand staircase.

“They left for a business trip, young master.” their head maid was the one who answered him. Jay sighs in dismay and gradually headed towards the main door of their mansion.

“Young master, how about breakfast?”

He rolled his eyes as his driver almost stumble to catch up on his pace. “I don’t want to eat all alone.” he spat coldly then heads to his service car without saying another word.

His drive towards their school is quiet. He tried to look out to the car’s window to divert his attention and ease his upset mood. This isn’t a great way to start his week. If he lets this affect him too much, his whole week is already ruined.

As their car parks right at the vacant slot on their school’s parking lot, his phone rang. He picks it up without checking who it was.

“What?”

“Where you at, dude? We’re here by the field.” it was one of his friends, Jake.

He sighs, “I just arrived the school. I’ll be there in five.” he lazily says.

“Okay, hurry up!” and he ended the call.

Jay rolls his eyes and his driver opens the car door for him. He went out and hangs one of his bag’s strap to his shoulder before walking to the direction of the field. He was planning to stop by the locker’s but since his friends demands him to go meet them, he have no other choice.

If people will be asked to describe Park Jongseong—also known as Jay, they will surely say that he probably have everything. Money, good looks, talent and influence. But that’s just what people see. They’re actually right. He’s handsome and the only heir to his parents' successful travel agency that have a lot of branches around the world.

There’s only one problem. For some reasons, despite having all these things and powers, Jay seems to feel empty. Like there’s a part of him that is missing that no other things can fulfill.

He already found a solution for that problem tho... And he will do everything in order to have it— more like her.

“Took you long enough.” Sunghoon stated as he walk closer to where they’re sat. Heeseung’s by the corner, eyes fixated at his phone screen. Jake’s in front of them and Jungwon’s beside him.

“What’s so important that we’re gathering here early in the morning?” he asks lazily then yawned. Sunoo rolls his eyes before focusing on Jake once again.

“Sunghoon will be executing our plan next week.” Jake announced that instantly drains Jay’s sleepiness. His senses starting to be more active as his friend walk them through the whole plan once again. Just to make sure everything will go smoothly.

“Oh yeah? Do you need help with anything?” Jay glances to Sunghoon’s side and he saw his friend’s relaxed look on his face.

He shakes his head, “Everything’s ready.”

He nods his head and continued listening to what Jake's saying. His friends are all quiet and just made sure they’re taking notes of the things he was asking to check before next week.

“There you are!” their heads snapped at the side when one voice interrupts. Jay’s brows raised at the same time at your familiar pretty face as you slightly pants after making at the bench where they’re gathered.

You sent Jay glares before glancing to the two boys standing near you, “I’m so sorry to interrupt you, Jake and Jungwon.” palms resting at your hips while panting to catch your breath.

“It’s fine, y/n. What’s up?” Jake smiles warmly.

You raised your hand and directed your pointer finger towards Jay.

“Him. I need him to come with me.” your words rings through Jay’s mind, almost making him space out completely. Some of his friends snickers chuckle secretly at how funny his reaction was.

“Jay?” Jake astounded tone made you glance at his direction. His eyes big and confused.

“He has detention and he skipped it yesterday.” you announced that made Yang Jungwon— the student council president sigh in disbelief.

Jay shrugs his shoulders off and eyed you with a small grin on his face. Your glares turned sharper as you think of many ways to end him today. He’s seriously giving you a hard time. You joined the student council for the extra points and stress is what you’re getting lately because of him.

“All right, he’s all yours.” Jungwon says and even laid his hand to the air, indicating that he’s letting you take his friend.

Jay snorted and stood up voluntarily. A playful grin plays through his sexy thin lips, “You heard the man. I’m all yours.” and he even sent you a wink.

Your cheeks blushed instantly, but you don’t make it too obvious. Instead of thinking about it too much, you swat his arm then drag him to your building. He chuckles, totally unbothered and didn’t even complained about it.

“Just admit it, y/n. You like me, don’t you?” his taunting tone made you halt your steps, ears turning red.

“Do you think I’m crazy? I don’t like you!” you hissed at him.

His smirk fell that caught you off-guard. Your face turned pale when you saw a glimpse of his eyes cold while staring at you. It was very odd. Jay’s always mischievous and always the one teasing you. He’s never been like this.

“You sure about that?” his serious tone sent direct chills to your spine, making you nervous.

“H-Huh? What’s with you...” you stuttered.

He stared at you silently for a bit more before he suddenly burst out laughing, making you furrow your brows. You stayed silent, not saying anything. You’re stunned and confuse to what’s happening.

“Did I scare you?” he continued laughing, even folding while holding his stomach that seems to start hurting from laughing so much.

Your face turned red out of anger and your hand quickly hit him by his arm. He groaned and caress it gently, eyes shooting glares at you.

“You’ve been hitting me too much lately.” he commented that you tried to ignore and started walking ahead of him.

Jay chuckles again and tried to catch up which you responded by acting like as if he’s not there. His grin grew wider at how you’re acting. He reaches for your arm and you tries to shove it off. He fails to grab you on the first two tries, then the third one his grip is tight.

“What?” tone sounding a bit annoyed.

“I thought you’re taking me to detention?”

“Your detention is later after class. I fetch you to help me grab our textbooks at the faculty room.” you cannot keep your stares that made him grin even more.

“Do I make you nervous?” he asks.

You pursed your lips and looked at him with a flashing guilt in your eyes. He suppress himself from laughing loud to prevent making you feel more embarrassed. He sighs and licks his lips.

“Let’s go, I’ll ignore it for you.” and he slide both of his hands inside his trouser’s pocket before walking towards the direction of the faculty.

Your gaze bore onto the back of his head, mind slowly spacing out. People around you often says how you two can never get along with each other. It is true. Most of the times, you two are arguing. But what other people doesn't know is that you secretly likes the bad boy, Park Jongseong.

“Saw you with Jay a while ago.” you sighed and looks at (friend name) smiling meaningfully at you.

“Don’t even start...”

She laughed, “Come on! I seriously think he likes you back. Why not confess?”

She rests her back at the railings of the corridor while you stand facing it, watching the field beneath you filled with students either playing soccer or trying to kill time until their next classes.

“It’s not that easy.” that’s true. Jay live through the days knowing that always you despise him. With how stingy you act around him, he probably have no clue. He will surely tease you to death once he knew his feelings for you. That’s honestly the last thing you wanted.

“Hmm, I know.” and your friend let out a heavy sigh.

This time, you smirked and raised an eyebrow at her.

“You basically indirectly confessed to Park Sunghoon. Almost everyone in the school knows about your feelings.”

She lets out a strained sigh and threw her head back to stare at the blue clear sky. Her pretty face is so admirable, something you can’t just miss if walking pass by her. Just like what you said, its not really a secret that she likes ‘thee’ Park Sunghoon. He’s one of Jay’s good friends and very popular with the girls as well.

“Yes. That’s so awkward.”

You stared right at her, “Why do you like Sunghoon so much?”

She glances at you, “Hey, what do you mean by that?” and she push your shoulder jokingly.

You made face, “It's just Park Sunghoon is so cold. He seems so mysterious.”

She chuckles, agreeing.

“And mysterious guys often have many secrets. You never really know.” its not that you’re being a bad friend of trying to be a kill joy. This is just you looking out for your friend, your best friend.

“That’s what I love about him.” she says bluntly, like a natural response.

It made you roll your eyes and act disgusted by it. She fights back with rolling her eyes as well that made you both giggling. Your vacant hours are perfectly spent talking about nonsense stuff, jumping from one topic to another.

Everything’s going smoothly, not until one morning. You woke up into the noise of your phone continuously ringing. When you stir from your sleep, leaving your dreamland completely, and glances at the wall clock. It’s just 4 am in the morning.

“Hello?” you answered your phone half-asleep, still dozing off a bit.

The muffled cries from the other line was like a slap that strips away the sleepiness. You momentarily pulls your phone away and checked the caller’s id. Seeing your friend’s mother’s contact instantly made you sat up from your bed.

“Auntie? What’s wrong?” you asked worriedly and reaches for the lamp beside the bed.

“Y/n...” she starts. Her heavy breaths and nonstop sniffing made you aware of how she’s crying so hard. Her strained voice is very obvious as well.

“(Friend name) is missing.” the line was clear and her words, despite being a little off, were clear. What doesn’t register to your system is what she’s trying to say.

“What do you mean missing? Hold on, Auntie.” you stood up and quickly grabbed your jacket to keep yourself from freezing then hurriedly head out.

“She didn’t come home last night! And I called your mom to check if she’s there, she said she didn’t came to your place.”

Your brows narrowed down and you saw your Mother on the phone, talking to somebody. When her eyes caught you, she signalled that she’s talking to someone important.

“Ah yes, she said her daughter didn’t come home last night... Yes, officer.”

“Mom is calling the police, Auntie. We’re going there, okay? Please calm down. I’m sure she’s all right. She probably just went somewhere and forgot to inform us.” you tried to console her while your head started to unconsciously list down places that you can go to.

After the calls to some of your Mom’s friends and the police, the two of you headed to her home to comfort her. A police car was already parked outside of the house and one officer is by the door, talking to your friend’s Mom.

Her tear stained eyes darted at you and quickly, you embraced her.

“Shh, Auntie. It’s going to be okay.” you whispered as your Mom continued talking to the officer because your friend's Mom are currently at her best state to talk.

“I’m so scared, y/n! What if she’s in trouble?” she cries hard on your shoulder that breaks your heart.

You tried to act strong in order not to make her feel down even more. She trembles in between your hug and you caress her back to somehow make her feel better.

“I'm sure she will show up. We will find her.”

Only, you didn’t. It’s been a whole week ever since your friend disappeared. Day by day its getting worst for her Mom and for you. She’s your best friend. You cherish her and she’s like a sister already. Not having her around made you feel so empty.

“Hey,” your head lifts when someone approaches your table.

It was Jay.

Usually he will have his mischievous grin, but not now. He have this soft, worried gaze while looking on you. He kept his stares, watching closely as you try so hard to pull a smile for him.

“Hi.” you greeted shortly.

He licked his lips, “I’m so sorry about (friend name).” he says that you answered with a nod.

He gestures the vacant chair beside you, asking if he can sit down and accompany you. Normally, you would decline and curse at him but a part of you wanted his presence so you nodded. He sat down quietly, eyes still darted at you.

“Any updates?” he asks.

Your eyes dropped at the stacks of missing posters in front of you, sitting at the table. A beautiful smiling picture of (friend name) printed on it and a big red ‘MISSING’ below.

“No. The police only have one person as their witness and its totally not helping.” your tone sounding so down, hopeless.

Jay sighs and rested his large hands on your back to caress it. Your eyes instantly waters, the tears you’ve been holding back starting to show. With lips slightly shaking you glanced back at him.

“J-Jay, I’m scared...” you admit, first time showing him a vulnerable side.

He was speechless, but you can see through his eyes that he’s so worried for you. He’s been noticing how you’ve been neglecting yourself ever since your friend disappeared. And its making him so sad.

“I’m so worried for her. What if something bad happened to h-her?” your voice cracks and eyes brimming with tears.

Jay was quick to console you.

“Hey,” he whispered with his softest tone then cupped your face, making you face him. “We will find her, okay?” those familiar words are the same ones you’ve been repeating to your friend's mom ever since she disappeared. Constantly repeating it to convince her and also to convince yourself.

Jay pulled your body closer to him, caging you into a tight, warm hug. Something you really needed at the moment. You cannot put into words how grateful you are that he’s there for you.

Ever since your friend vanished, things started to get messy. She’s been your comfort person and with her missing, its like you’re losing your mind.

You felt Jay’s lips on your forehead as he whispered comforting words.

“We’ll find her?” Jay stares right to his reflection at the bathroom’s mirror. He scoffs to himself, muttering low curses while washing his hand.

“How can we find someone who is not even really missing?” he mumbles and his gaze lifts as one of the bathroom stalls opened, revealing one of his close friends.

“Jay, man.” Jake and walks near the sinks to wash his own hand.

“You need to stop talking to yourself. People will think you’re crazy.” he grins teasingly at Jay and he just frowns.

Another stall opens and Sunghoon walks out from it, eyeing their direction.

“He is really crazy, tho?” he commented that earned a bark of laughter from Jake.

Jay clicked his tongue, “That’s big words from somebody who kidnaps a girl because he likes her so much?”

Sunghoon seems unbothered about his statement. Not just because it was true, but because he thinks its nonsense to argue with it. He just shrugged it off and smirked at his friend.

“You’re going to do it soon too, tho?” and starts washing his hands as well.

“Yeah, Sunghoon’s right.” Jake commented.

Jay whips his head and diverted his attention to his other friend. “Actually, you’re the crazier one.”

Sunghoon’s grin grew wider and just listens to his friends that are starting to bicker like little children. Jake complains, totally disagreeing about what Jay said.

“What? No, I’m not!”

Jay scoffed, “Really? Is it not crazy to put his girl inside a psych ward just because he learned that she’s leaving him?”

Sunghoon whistles, “I have to agree on that one, dude.”

Jake glances at Sunghoon, a hint of betrayal flashes through his eyes.

“For the record,” he starts and they look at him with eyebrows raising while waiting for his defence. Jake licks his lips as he tries to come up with a good comeback to what Jay fired at him.

“Fine!” he hissed, “And so what if I put her in ward? At least I’m sure she won’t be able to leave me, even if she wants to.” the smug smirk on his face is wide.

“Should I put mine in the ward too? Do you have a vacant room?” Sunghoon chuckles while asking that question to Jake.

“Yeah, we have vacant room for you as well.”

Jay laughed and watch how Sunghoon swat Jake’s arm. They soon decided to walk back to class. His eyes darted at your direction right away and Jay’s heart cracked at the sight of your sad face.

After class, Jay offered to help you with the missing posters and you’re very thankful for him. Their group of friends has been doing a lot and you couldn’t be more greatful. As far as you remember, none of them are personally close to you or your friend, but still with big hearts they offered to help.

While heading back to the building to get your things, your eyes unconsciously darted at one of the bulletin boards. From a distance, multiple papers are pinned to it. But one stands out the most, at least for you.

Your eyes trailed over to the tall figure that stands in front of it, staring right at the missing posters of your friend that you’ve placed their a few days ago.

The boy is very familiar to you. His fair complexion, uniform looking so neat and face looking so blank. You slowly head his direction and stood a few feet away.

“Terrifying isn’t it?” you said that caught his attention. From the corner of your eyes, you saw that he whips his head to the side and look at you.

“Do they have a lead?” he asks, almost sounding like a monotone.

That’s the first time you and him talked. Being in the same school together for years, this was the first interaction.

“Yeah, they said someone saw her being taken on her way home.” you answered.

An emotion flickers through his eyes for a split second, but it was impossible to tell what it was. He kept his blank face, eyes icy cold.

“I hope she will be found soon.” he stated.

His words are nice. It's the words you wanted to hear from most of them and you’ve heard that a lot of times already. But for some reasons, Sunghoon’s words felt empty. It slightly caught your attention. Then you realized that he’s always like that. Quiet and reserved. He’s not called the ice prince just for nothing. And so, you tried to just shrug it off and thanked him silently.

He was about to leave when you grabbed his hand. He turns his head to look at you and it made you feel on edge. His eyes are so intimidating.

“Here, in case you see her.” and you handed him a poster.

It maybe a bit stupid knowing he probably have a copy already since its been distributed to the whole school. He accepted it without any word then left. Your eyes lingers to him and watch how he walks away.

A small smile spreads across your face. “Come back now, (friend name). I can’t wait to tell you about how Sunghoon seem to worry for you.”

“So what did the detective said? Any updates?” your hand halts from holding your chopsticks because of Jay’s question.

It’s been a month ever since your friend disappeared and you grew closer with Jay. All the time, he was there to support you and comfort you.

“What?” you asked, glancing at him whose now enjoying his food. He slurps over his soup before throwing you a short glance.

“About that new detective (friend name)’s mom hired.” he repeated himself.

You stared at him without saying any word. That same emotion that you’ve been pushing at the back of your mind for weeks now. Jay’s been very nice ever since the disappearance of your friend and he fills the absence for the mean time, making sure you aren’t being too hard on yourself.

But it may sound nonsense, lately you’ve been noticing odd behavior from his friend group. Or you can say you’re sensing this weird vibe from them.

It may appear because they’re a different league that’s why, and that’s whay you try to convince yourself with. But something really doesn’t sit right for you.

Example for that is this...

How did Jay even knew about that detective your friend’s Mom secretly hired recently?

“Why are you looking at me like I’ve killed someone?” Jay chuckles awkwardly while placing an opened bottle of water in front of you.

“How did you even knew about it?” your tone sounded really curious that caught him off-guard.

He curses inside his mind, quickly thinking of a good escape to this mistake. Despite the slight panic, he tried hard to compose himself in order not to be too suspicious..

He scoffed, “What do you mean how did I know? Of course, through you.” he kept his stares to your eyes.

It made your brows narrowed, head tilting over to the side.

“Me? I told you about it?” you sound unsure about it, recalling and backtracking any past events where you might’ve mentioned it to him.

“Yes, baby.” he laughs, relieved that it shaken up the tension a bit. “What’s up with you? Seems like you are really stressing yourself too much.”

You stayed silent for a while before smiling.

“I guess you’re right. It might have slipped off my mind.”

He nods and slides a new side dish near you, “You should eat more.” he diverted the topic smoothly.

The tension dissipate and just like normally, you two went on your day. He kept talking about this place he’s been with his parents and how much he wanted to take you there this weekend to help you relax a bit. You tried so hard to listen, dismissing that negative thought off of your mind.

But it didn’t. Instead, it made you more observant over his group of friends. Giving meanings to every normal or little things they do.

“I’m on my way home now.” you said through the phone while going out from the bookstore.

Jay’s on the other line, calling to check on you after hanging out with his friends. According to him, practice ended earlier so they decided to go have fun.

“All right. I’m also near my house. Call me once you’re home?” he says softly.

“Hmm, take care.” you hummed.

“You too baby, i love you.”

Your heart races, mixed of emotions occupies you. These days, after being suspicious of him, your feeling starts to get shaken a bit. It made you realize how much you still don’t know about Jay.

After spending a lot of times together, you still barely know him. Except for the fact that he’s Park Jongseong, the rich bad boy from your school who happens to have feelings for you all this time.

“Y/n?” he calls you lightly that snaps you back to reality.

“Y-Yeah?”

“I said I love you.”

You gulped, “I l-love you too.”

The other line went silent for a while before you heard Jay’s gentle hum. He always does that whenever he’s satisfied hearing you say those words to him.

Before its also felt so good whenever you say it to him. You meant it with all your heart, but right now, you aren’t sure anymode. You still love him, after all you’ve been interested to him for a long time. It’s just, a mix of fear envelops those feelings.

Your eyes then caught the person you’ve been waiting for hours already.

Park Sunghoon.

“I’ll call you later, Jay.”

“Okay, stay safe.” he says in a low tone and ended the call.

Today, you made a bold decision to tail Park Sunghoon. He’s on your top list of suspicious people that are potentially involve to your friend’s disappearance.

He walks towards the bus stop and you can tell from the way his shoulder’s hanging low, he’s dead tired. Probably because of practice and hanging out with his friends.

You tried not to be too suspicious, making sure your presence is not noticeable. But Sunghoon usually don’t care about his surroundings. He just mind his own business and go on with his life. If he’s not involve or any of people he’s close with, he does not care.

As you approach him closer, you noticed him pulling out something from his pocket. At first, its so hard to tell what it is. But once you get a clear view, your stomach drops and heart felt like it stopped beating. Head empty as your feet moves on its own.

“W-Why do you have that?” you couldn’t help but to stutter and fear consumed you when he whips his head at your direction.

Sunghoon’s face remained emotionless. He doesn’t even look guilty at all or caught off-guard by your presence. It was like he was expecting it, like he knew you were there, following him.

“This is mine.” were his words.

Your eyes remained looking at him with such horror, tears brimming. With trembling lips you shake your head.

“N-No... that’s (friend name)’s! I gave it to her! My granda made that.”

You can’t be wrong. It’s impossible to have the exact same handkerchief. Your granda personally made that for you and your friend.

He took a step closer that made you instantly step back in fear. You roamed your eyes around and her heart fell at the sight of the bus stop being totally isolated. It is already a bit late and so there are a few people here. It's just the two of you.

The thought of being here with the possible reason why (friend name) went missing scared you to death.

“W-What did you do to her?” your tone sounded so accusing as your fist balls to prevent it from shaking. With clenched jaw, you gather all the courage to look over his deadpanned face.

He was just caught red handed but he seemed unbothered at all. He approached and caught (bestfriend’s name) off guard. She hit him with her bag and he was stunned for a moment.

You just caught him red handed, but he seemed so unbothered. He took a step closer that caught you off-guard and made you hit him with your bag. Something got caught with his gym bag and when you look down, your favorite keychain lays beneath his feet.

“Where is y/n?! Give her back!” you tried screaming through your lungs, hoping that someone may hear and help you.

And someone did. That person slowly and quietly looms closer, taking advantage of your full attention being on Sunghoon to take action.

Sunghoon turned his head towards you and you can’t describe what you felt when you met his cold dark eyes, “You will never find her, no one will.” and with that, he advanced making you scream in fear.

“Quiet, baby.” from your back, an arm hold you still, tugging your body closer to theirs. His free hand then went towards your face to cover you with a cloth, that slowly took your consciousness away.

Even before you can react and try freeing yourself, Jay’s familiar face came into your view.

“Shh, its all right. I’m here.” his whispers are muffled as everything slowly became black.

Sunghoon slid his hands inside his pockets while watching Jay fixed his hold on you. Eventually, a familiar black SUV parked near where they’re at then one of Jay’s men went outside to assist him.

He carries your unconscious body easily then carefully placed it inside the SUV. Sunghoon was just there, silently watching. His eyes roams around to check if there’s anybody to witness what they’re doing.

“Perfect.” Jay whispers and pants with a smile.

He closes the door to their car and glances at Hoon, still standing by the bus stop. He nods his head with a thumbs up that his friend only nonchalantly responded with a nod.

After Jay went inside the car and drove off along with you. Sunghoon trudges towards the bench when he stepped on something. He looked down and saw your keychain that fell off a while ago.

He sighs and picked it up. He stared at it for a while and realized that (friend name) had the exact same keychain. A small smile appears across his face, remembering you. His head perks up after hearing the arrival of the bus and as he walks towards it, he unconsciously slides the keychain inside his pocket.

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[scaly-freaks]

Hiiii!! I fell in love with 'until the colours fade' and the end made me think that maybe Aegon was going to commit su*cide? it felt open ended too as if maybe he could work things out with Jae and they could be the family they both so desperately need. I was so angry with Aegon at first because the neglecting hit close to home, but I ended up feeling sad for both of them in the end. It felt like you meant to keep the mother unnamed but was she Amara? i wanted to guess because of the moodboard and the girl with the dark hair.

If you want to reveal anything about their life when she was still alive I'd really love that!! The idea of Aegon mourning her when he found out she died just made me so sad and I didn't even wannt to imagine it because they always feel so joined in my mind

Aaahhhh thank you so much (and thank you for being so sweet with your request omg)

It is open-ended. It's ultimately up to the reader to decide what happens without any input from me. My irls read the fic today and were dragging Aegon over the coals because they refused to accept that anyone once they've become a parent has any excuse not to raise a perfectly normal, well balanced child, which I didn't agree with, but to each their own. Traumatised children grow up to become parents all the time and don't stop being traumatised. All you can do is your best, even if that counts as bare minimum to someone else. To you, that is your best. Your intentions are there.

Aegon definitely didn't mean to let his intentions slip, but after the mother's death, aka someone he obviously relied on heavily in terms of emotional support, he lost his mind a little bit. His family is busy with their own lives, and are also quite neglectful of him because I imagine he's not the success story amongst the Targ-Hightowers. No one came to his house after the funeral to clean up and make sure there was food in the fridge when he got back. That's how they never realised Jae was still there until a week and a half later. He had the excuse (barely) of numbing himself on alcohol and drugs to avoid facing up to the fact that his wife was gone, hence why he forgot her. He let Jaehaera parent herself which was also wrong, and she became a latch key kid pretty much. If the electric bill isn't paid, the washing machine isn't working, and then who's cleaning her underwear? At eleven, she's probably thinking whatever, it's fine i'll reuse it, it doesn't look dirty because no one's teaching her that stuff (can't even say it's common sense because kids will be kids). She hasn't started her period yet, but I imagine Aegon would be a lot more aware of that this time round and actually buy her the stuff before he drags Helaena in to explain it all LOL.

And yes, 'Momma' was in fact Amara. And yuupppp, pulled my heartstrings to think of Aegon losing her. She was a baby having a baby, and then suddenly she was gone and Jaehaerys went with her.

Their life before she died was happy, I must admit. They both obviously struggled massively with mental illness and addiction and whatnot, but the kids were their pride and joy, something they made between them and would go to the ends of the earth for. Aegon was a good dad before she died, which is the most heartbreaking bit. Glimpses of it come through, for instance the glitter shampoo, buying Jae sweets after they fight, running after the ice cream van, but these are all notably things he did when she was way younger and before Amara died, suggesting he's frozen in time. Jae is growing up, and her Dad is failing to keep up. He's sluggish and trapped in memories he wants to return to. He used to put his all into making sure his kids were happy on the little money they had, and that his wife wasn't sinking into her depression again (Amara went through a couple suicide attempts during her post-partum period). She was terrified she'd go through with it one day and that it would never end even once the kids were older, and Aegon was the one who was like I won't let you, I promise, I'll keep you here even if it's not that simple.

The sad irony is she died and it was completely out of both their hands. She didn't want to leave, but she did. He tells Jaehaera no, baby, you're all me to disguise the fact that she has her mother's eyes and those eyes haven't looked at him the same since Amara died. Obviously Jaehaera's lonely and depressed and struggling to cope, so when she looks at her dad, he sees all those things staring back at him. He sees what Amara used to look like in her worst moments, but he doesn't have half the mental and emotional energy he used to in order to help his daughter. Instead, he drowns and watches her drown with him.

Amara is probably somewhere in the afterlife crying over the pair of them and not enjoying heaven I'm ngl 😭

[peaceisadirtyword]

august (modern!Ivar/Reader)

A/N: Hello!! Please don’t hate me, July was a mess for me and I’m in Denmark right now trying to get my life together in some way! I will explain everything in a separate post if you want me to! But anyway, I had this written and as August just started I'd thought I’d post this😅 I think my writing is not what it once was, but I truly hope you like this one♥️ because I really enjoyed writing it. 

I won’t bother you anymore, I’ll let you read and (hopefully) enjoy🥰 thank you!

Warnings: smut, a bit of angst, it’s ivar, he’s in love with Freydis 

Words: +8k (I’m so sorry lol)

based on the song august by Taylor Swift🖤

Moodboard by me (taking screenshots and pics from pinterest!)

Ivar Lothbrok was the last person you expected to ask you on a date. You had been nervous about his presence for the entire evening, while Ivar and his brothers were sitting in the small bar you worked at, just in front of the beach, and ordering drinks as they watched the football game. It shouldn’t have surprised you to see them there, half of Kattegat went to the bar whenever there was a match, as your boss had decided to put an enormous TV to attract more customers to the big terrace just outside his local. He was happy as hell, but you preferred the quiet evenings of the early summer, when only some tourists and regulars came to grab a quick beer and maybe something to eat. But that day was even more chaotic.

Dealing with drunk guys was a nightmare itself, but when those guys were also mad because Norway was losing against Sweden it became too much to handle. Luckily, your coworker was nice enough to change tables with you so you wouldn’t have to deal with them. He had more experience in that field anyway.

But turning around and seeing the Lothbrok men sitting on one of the largest tables made you wonder whether it was better to deal with drunk men or with your childhood crush and his entire family.

They were polite and nice. Apparently, Ragnar Lothbrok was back in town for the summer, and Björn, his eldest son, was back from southern Europe where he had spent the entire winter working on his own business. So the entire city of Kattegat knew they were there, even if they didn’t make an effort to acknowledge the rumours surrounding their family.

Hvitserk and Ubbe recognized you. It wasn’t until Ragnar asked why you looked so familiar and Ubbe added that you were always in Ivar’s class that he raised his head to look at you with curiosity. Even if Ubbe, Hvitserk and Sigurd knew you -they had hooked up with some of your friends back in high school- you didn’t remember talking to him since primary school, when you broke some kid’s nose because he was messing with Ivar. The both of you were in detention together that day, until Aslaug came to pick him up and he left. Even then, he barely talked to you. But it didn’t stop you from developing a very strange crush on him, a crush that no matter how many people you dated, it wouldn't go away.

Until he got a girlfriend. You remembered the way your heart seemed to stop and your stomach twisted so much you thought you’d be sick when you saw them together on campus. You had cried, feeling stupid because he probably didn’t remember you existed, and had to endure an entire year of them being together, until Freydis left him just before summer. You tried not to feel happy, knowing Ivar was head over heels for her and he would probably be heartbroken but even if you felt the worst person in the world, you were still happy she left.

It was the first time you saw Ivar since the summer started, and he barely curved his lips to smile at you for a second and he went back to looking down at his own lap while his brothers chatted around him.

After taking their orders you went back to the bar to get the drinks, and you spent the rest of your shift so focused on your work that you missed Ivar’s stares. Hvitserk wouldn’t stop pestering him about how nice you looked that summer, and that he should ask you out as you had always had a crush on him. Ivar didn’t fully believe his brother’s words but you did look cute, and the thought of moving on and forgetting Freydis with someone else was very attractive for him, so maybe it was that what made him walk over to the bar while you cleaned some glasses and prepared to close, after his family was already walking down the street after Norway lost the match. Not that they cared so much, as they were half Swedish and half Danish.

You looked completely taken aback when he left the piece of paper with his number on the bar, barely making any eye contact with you in case you burst out laughing.

Instead, you stuttered a bit while asking him what was it, and tried to fix your hair, flustered and knowing you didn’t look your best, after an entire evening of running around carrying drinks.

“I thought we could maybe…” Ivar had cleared his throat, hating Hvitserk and himself at that moment “Go out sometime, if you want to”.

So a week later, after a few days processing that Ivar Lothbrok asked you out and building the courage to text him, you sat on the now cold sand of the beach with an ice cream on your hand and looking at the fjord in front of you, still tense because you sat next to your crush. He invited you to the cinema, and he had been polite but still distant and somewhat cold when you went to grab a late dinner, almost like he was being forced to be there. His blue eyes avoided yours and he barely spoke.

You had a very interesting conversation about politics, when you commented on a very hot topic on international politics and Ivar raised an eyebrow and seemed to listen to you for the first time that day. But the conversation died when you couldn’t find common ground on a specific topic.

And you were about to finish your ice cream and go back home, to inform your friends that it had been a disaster and that Ivar was by no means interested in you. It would hurt to process that, but a night out with your girls and maybe a hookup with a random tourist would help.

Until he spoke, with his eyes still fixed on the sun that disappeared behind the ocean.

“I remember you”

You stopped licking the ice cream, turning to look at him with a confused expression.

“I remember you would defend me in school” he added, finally looking at you “I remember you standing up for me even if I didn’t ask you to”

“Yeah” you shrugged “I know how it feels when everyone decides to hate you just because they feel like hating someone”

“You were the only one in class that stood up for me” he shrugged “I never said thank you”

“It’s nothing” you giggled “Honestly, it was many years ago, you had enough on your plate to stop and think about me” you shook your head. Ivar as a child not only had to deal with a disease, but also with his parent’s separation, his father’s absence and his mother’s addictions. You remembered hearing your family talk about it for years.

“Yes but I kept seeing you in high school and at university” he said “And I never said anything”

You tried to hold back an excited smile.

“You didn’t need to invite me out to thank me”

“I didn’t invite you out because of that” he raised an eyebrow “I did because I thought…” he looked down, his cheeks reddening softly “I thought you were interesting and I would like to get to know you…”

And my brothers pushed me, he thought. Ubbe and Hvitserk wouldn’t stop trying to make him talk to girls since Freydis left. And you were the only one Ivar kind of liked out of all the girls they had proposed.

“Oh” you smiled brightly at him “Well, that’s nice” you giggled “Nice to meet you, then, I’m Y/N” you offered your hand. Ivar looked at it for a moment and you’d swear you saw his lips curved on a small smile. The first time he smiled at you.

“Ivar” he took your hand “Nice to meet you”

____________________________________

Kattegat’s Port was one of the biggest in Scandinavia. Everyone agreed that it was impressive and the entire city was proud of it. But soon, you learnt Ivar preferred the old, small harbour that had only small boats and ships that imitated the viking longships. Most of them were made by Floki, Ivar’s uncle (even if you were very sure that they didn’t share the same bloodline), and he had spent most of his childhood in that place. A bit further away from the city centre, it looked like the perfect place for a late picnic on a summer evening, and somehow you managed to change shifts at work as soon as Ivar called to invite you.

This would be your third… Date? You weren’t sure whether they could be called dates or not, as he hadn’t made any move towards you, maybe he was just lonely and in need of a friend. In any case, and even if your heart broke a bit more whenever you thought about it, you were fine with being his friend, way more than you had ever imagined.

You had to admit the place was beautiful, cosier than the port and even romantic. Ivar was already there when you arrived, with your favourite dress on and a strawberry cake you had managed to make even if you were too nervous. There was some food over a plaid blanket and Ivar admitted his brothers helped him to do it.

“This place is beautiful” you muttered, looking at the closest longship that swayed in the water.

“Floki built all of these” Ivar said, making you look at him with a small smile. After spending some time with him, you learnt that his tone of voice changed whenever he talked of someone or something that meant a lot for him.

You remembered Floki and Helga, as she had been the best doctor in town and probably the sweetest human being you had ever met and Floki was known for being Ragnar’s close friend and the best carpenter in all of Scandinavia.

“Where are they now?” you asked softly, they had left one day, no one truly knew where or why and no one was brave enough to ask.

“Iceland” Ivar shrugged “They left”

You pouted, his sad tone contrasted with the other times he had mentioned Floki.

“Everyone ends up leaving” he added, shaking his head and turning his head to grab a few grapes he had brought “Ubbe is leaving now too, and Sigurd, not that I care about Sigurd” he rolled his eyes “But soon it will just be my mother, Hvitserk and I, until I finish the degree at least”

“Not everyone leaves, then” you smiled, trying to cheer him up a bit “Hvitserk and your mom are still here with you”

“My mother has no choice, she’s my mother” Ivar looked at you almost like he thought you were mocking him “And Hvitserk… He could leave with Ubbe but for some reason he wants to stay… Ubbe is going to England to work on my father’s business” he explained “Which is now run by Björn and his mother… I understand Hvitserk, I would rather drown than work for Björn''

You held back a giggle.

“And he’s also staying with you” you pointed out, taking a sip of the champagne Ivar brought. It was one of the expensive ones, way better than the one you drank during Christmas “So not everyone leaves”

His small smile faded again.

“I suppose he will do it someday too”

You moved to kneel closer to him. Ivar eyed you with curiosity.

“You have very little faith on people, Ivar” you said, shrugging “It’s not fair, you can’t possibly know what people will do”

“I thought Freydis would stay” he cleared his throat “And she left too, like my father, like Floki, like Ubbe”

It was the first time he talked about Freydis in your presence. You licked your lips and drank a bit more.

“You’re still young, handsome, smart… You could work on being a bit nicer, but… You have time to find someone else'' you giggled, even if you didn’t mean it. You really liked Ivar, but you hoped he wouldn’t find someone at least for a while.

“Someone that thinks I am handsome and smart?” he asked, tilting his head with a playful smirk. Your head felt a bit lighter then, and the sudden nerves made you tremble. He was closer now, and you had to take a deep breath and think very carefully about your next words.

“Maybe, someone you like”

“That I like someone doesn’t mean that I can make them happy” he added “I’m not ready for another relationship, I’m not ready to have all of Kattegat talking about it, wondering when they’ll leave me again” his smirk faded, and now he sounded serious. You knew he wasn’t talking hypothetically anymore “For now”

You nodded.

“Until you’re ready, I guess”

“Until I’m ready” he repeated slowly, almost like he was amazed by those words “Until I don’t feel like a replaceable, useless thing?”

“I’m no psychologist, but I’d say so” you smiled softly “You’re not a replaceable, useless thing, Ivar”

“I can’t have another serious relationship right now, Y/N” he sighed “I truly can’t”

“That’s okay” you muttered, biting your lip. Your eyes never left him, even if he was looking at the sea now. You were more than ready for a relationship, but a mere glance, a promise, a smile and a kiss was more than enough, knowing he only needed time and maybe he’d be yours one day.

“Are you sure?” he turned to look at you, and you looked so pretty and innocent, looking at him with doe eyes under the dim light of the twilight that he felt bad for using you in some way. But he hadn’t felt as good as when he was with you since Freydis left.

And it wouldn’t hurt to try and move on, right?

You didn’t answer. Instead, you leaned in and kissed him softly. Ivar closed his eyes, sighing, and kissed you back. You tasted sweet, like the strawberry cake you had brought, and somehow you were softer than Freydis. Ivar had warm and soft lips, better than you had ever imagined, and his hand cupping your face was comforting. It felt like your first kiss all over again, and in some way it was. It was the first kiss you wanted.

When you broke the kiss, Ivar looked much more relaxed. And he smiled at you. Your heart fluttered, and you didn’t remember feeling so happy in your entire life.

______________________________________________________

The sky lit up with a new flash of lighting, startling you, just as Ivar opened the door to his house. You hesitated before entering, but he practically pulled you in with a roll of his eyes. It was the first time you stepped into the giant Lothbrok house, and it was… Quieter than you thought.

“I don’t want to wet the floor” you muttered, looking down at the beautiful and flawless wooden floor. Probably his mother would kill you if you damaged it.

“It’s okay, you can’t stay out there” Ivar scoffed, part annoyed and part amused. He saw your widened eyes as you glanced around the entrance while taking off your shoes, and he thought you looked sweet, all wet and intimidated. It felt good to bring you to his house, almost like he was exposing a new part of himself. It helped that everyone was out that day too.

“Come” he pointed at the hallway that led to his room. While all of his brothers slept upstairs, he couldn’t walk upstairs sometimes, so Aslaug reformed the old playing room and Ivar moved there when he was too big for Aslaug or Floki to carry him. It had bothered him sometimes, especially when his brothers would stay in Hvitserk’s room playing video games and he found himself all alone downstairs, crying and feeling lonely. Or when during their high school years Ubbe or Hvitserk would bring some friends to spend the night and Ivar would be left apart when they finished eating and went upstairs to listen to music, drink and talk.

“You can have a shower if you want” he pointed at the bathroom as soon as he entered his bedroom. You glanced around, the large shelf full of books grabbed your attention, as well as some vinyls and posters, but you didn’t stare too much, thinking he might not enjoy people staring at his things.

“Thank you” you smiled softly, and Ivar’s face softened when he looked at you, taking a couple of steps towards you, he kissed your wet cheek softly. After a couple of weeks he was way more comfortable in your presence, and he kind of liked how excited you looked whenever he’d take the first step and kiss you.

“You have fresh towels in the bathroom” he continued “I’ll give you some of my clothes while yours dry, okay?” he walked over to his wardrobe and you turned around so he wouldn’t see your excited smile.

When you closed the bathroom door behind you, your eyes travelled around the room. It was enormous, like the rest of the house. Especially the shower, which was obviously adapted for him. The big mirror was spotless, the sink and walls were made of marble, but the floor was still wood, less slippery and warmer.

You took your clothes off, leaving them carefully folded next to the door and entered the shower. It was big enough so Ivar could move inside with no problem, and the water was warm. You let it run down your body and relaxed under it, immediately forgetting the cold rain that had surprised you during your date. The plan had been to go to the beach, nothing too special, but the rain had interrupted you and you had ran into his house, which was close and also empty.

You wondered if he would have invited you in with his family inside.

Even if that shower felt like heaven, you stepped out after rinsing off the soft gel that felt like gold on your skin and quickly took one of the fresh towels you had retrieved from the small cabinet under the sink. After drying off your hair, you secured the towel around your body and took your damp clothes before opening the door.

Ivar sat on the bed, looking down at his phone and only raised his head when you stepped out. For a moment his eyes wandered down your body, only covered by the white towel that reached the middle of your thighs. You trembled under his stare. Not even weeks hanging out with him were enough to calm you down in his presence.

“Give me those” he cleared his throat as he stood up, leaning into his crutch with a small wince of pain. You pouted and looked at his legs “I’ll put them in the dryer”

“I can do it” you mumbled, wondering if the rain and the dampness worsened his pain “Just tell me where it is”

“Are you sure? My brothers could arrive at any moment, maybe receiving them half naked is not a good idea” he bit his lip to hold back a laugh when you widen your eyes “It’s fine, I’ll do it and I’ll give you some dry clothes so you can change” he shrugged and you gave them to him and immediately your hands grabbed the towel to make sure it stayed in its place. Not that you’d mind getting naked in front of Ivar Lothbrok.

When he was back you still stood awkwardly next to his bed. That seemed to amuse Ivar, who opened his wardrobe and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

“I’d give you something from my sister’s but she’s not in Kattegat now and keeps her bedroom locked when that happens” he shrugged. Smart choice, you thought, knowing you’d do the same if you had to share a house with five brothers.

“It’s okay” you muttered, grabbing the clothes “Thank you”

“What happened? The cat’s got your tongue?” he looked about to laugh again, and you looked down a bit flustered.

“Don’t laugh at me” you replied, biting your lip and glaring at him playfully.

“I’m not” he widened his eyes and pouted with feigned innocence.

“Being naked in someone else’s room is never comfortable, right?” you raised an eyebrow before you realised what you said, but Ivar was already laughing and shaking his head.

“I’m going to take a shower now” he said “You’re welcome to grab something from the kitchen or anything, but get dressed first” he raised an eyebrow.

You nodded and turned around to face the bed and give him some privacy as he grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and faced the wardrobe again, probably to get dry clothes for himself. But when you heard the shirt falling to the floor, you turned your head slowly.

His back was amazing. You already knew it, you had seen him grow into a huge and strong man, and you had touched it during some of your makeout sessions in the past couple of weeks. You had seen him shirtless on the beach other summers, with his brothers and always with his legs covered. Out of all of them, except maybe Björn, he was the strongest one, the muscles of his chest, arms and back toned from all of those years carrying his own weight. His skin had a golden undertone that seemed to glow, especially now that it was slightly wet. And his long hair collected in small braids  and a ponytail brushed his shoulders.

But what made you part your lips in awe were the tattoos. They covered the upper part of his back, shoulders and chest and you had seen a peak of them when he wore short sleeves, but they were even more beautiful from up close, and when his muscles tensed underneath them it almost looked like they were moving. They were nordic designs, like the ones everyone in his family had. You always found them fascinating.

But his head turning to look at you interrupted your thoughts and you quickly turned around, biting your lip when you realised he caught you.

“You were looking” he said, and he sounded partly amusedand partly surprised.

“Just wanted to see your tattoos” you muttered in reply, and it was in part true “Sorry”

“Don’t be” he shrugged even if you couldn’t see him. You heard his steps and his crutch approaching you and your heart started beating faster “Want to see them?”

When you turned around again he stood just behind you, and you had to look up to meet his eyes. When you looked at his chest again, your fingertips tingled with an avid need of running them over the ink lines.

“How did you get them?” you asked. They were a bit less perfect than the ones you had seen, the edges weren’t as clean but they looked beautiful anyway, almost like the ones a viking would have worn.

“The technique is called stick and poke” he shrugged “It’s a more traditional way”

“Sounds painful” you frowned, and Ivar’s lips curved on a smile.

“I’m used to pain”

You pouted again and raised your head to look at him, but didn’t say anything. You had seen him struggling over the years, knowing he spent long periods in the hospital, with long and painful treatments…

“I would like to get a tattoo” you commented, knowing he wasn’t in the mood to talk about his legs and his pain “Maybe this summer”

You finally felt brave enough to run a finger down one of the lines that crossed his chest, still looking down to avoid his gaze.

“I can take you” he said, and you nodded absentmindedly, amazed by how soft his skin felt under your touch. Then his hand touched your jaw, making you raise your head and the next thing you felt were his lips against yours. You whined in surprise but kissed him back, suddenly his chest was closer than ever and his warmth surrounded you. His hand left your face at the same time as yours grabbed his shoulders. It travelled down your body, and it burned your skin over the towel. When he reached your thigh and the edge of the towel, Ivar pulled down, and it fell down faster than you thought. It pooled around your feet, and you sighed against his lips nervously. Was it always this hot inside this room? Ivar’s lips left yours to kiss down your neck and collarbone. You were surprised to hear the sounds that were coming out of your mouth.

Suddenly he stepped back, but his ocean eyes didn’t leave yours as he walked over to the bed and sat down, taking sharp breaths with his chest rising quickly. He let the crutch fall down to the floor and leant back, supporting himself with his arms. You blinked quickly, suddenly feeling a bit conscious as you were completely naked in front of him.

Taking a deep breath, you approached him, scanning his face looking for any sign of discomfort. But when you stood close enough, he grabbed the back of your thighs and pulled you closer. His warm lips reached your belly and you gasped. It was more difficult to focus on being insecure about your body when his lips came so dangerously close to that zone between your legs…

When Ivar finally pushed you so you’d straddle his lap, you felt his already hard member pulsing against your core and your eyes fluttered shut when he kissed your collarbone again. When you opened them he was looking at you with his mouth on your chest, and it didn’t take long before you leant in to kiss him again. You had been with other people before, but you had never been so aroused in your life, feeling almost like you were floating.

Your fingers left his shoulders to caress his hair. Not really caring if you ruined his braids, you ran your fingers through it, finding it the softest thing you had ever touched. He let out a low moan, and you moaned in response. It was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard. But both the kiss and your caresses were interrupted by his hand reaching between your legs. Your entire body tensed and Ivar made a shooting sound with his mouth into your ear as he found your clit. This time the both of you groaned at the same time, you when he started moving his fingers and him when you bit down on his neck a bit rougher than you intended.

You let your head fall down onto his shoulder when one of his fingers entered you, letting out a moan a bit weaker, even if your volume only went up when he pushed in a second one and his thumb pressed on your clit. When Ivar curled his fingers and breathed into your ear, your walls clenched around his fingers. You were going to cum embarrassingly soon.

“Are you going to cum for me?” he whispered, and the sound of his voice so close was what you needed to start trembling and nodding desperately “Yes?”

“Yeah” you moaned “Ivar don’t stop… Fuck” you gasped when you finally felt it travelling down your lower belly. His mouth found your soft spot under your ear, and the force of your orgasm was enough to make you see stars behind your closed eyes, not even aware of the sounds you were making anymore.

When Ivar retrieved his fingers, he made you look at him as he licked them, into  his now darkened eyes before pulling you in to kiss you again, biting your lips forcefully and making you moan again when you tasted yourself on his tongue. He didn’t even let you breathe before he whispered again against your ear.

“Good girl”

You let out a strange sound, and as he crawled back to lean his head onto the pillows of his bed, still looking at you with a smirk of satisfaction on his face, you were more than sure that you’d do anything for him. As long as he looked and talked to you like that.

You didn’t even realise when you started crawling over him and straddled his lap again. With him laying down underneath you it was easier to unbuckle his pants, finally freeing his cock. Ivar let out a relieved sigh, but looked down to grab your wrist as soon as his pants were at the middle of his thighs.

“That’s enough” he muttered, and for a moment he looked shy. You stopped then, looking at him carefully.

“Do you want me to stop?” you asked softly, suddenly remembering his legs and the pain he could have been feeling with you writhing on his lap.

“No” he shook his head and grabbed your neck to bring you down and kiss you again “Just leave my pants on”

You nodded quickly, even if you felt a sting of sadness knowing he didn’t trust you enough to show you his legs. But the thought quickly left your mind when he caressed your body again, grabbing your ass and touching your waist and your thighs, making you let out needy moans again. It was like you couldn’t get enough.

You reached down to grab his member, and he took a sharp breath as his muscles tensed under your body. With a small smile on your lips as he lost control for a moment, you started moving your hand up and down. His eyes fluttered shut and his grip on your waist tightened. Ivar let himself enjoy your touch for a minute, letting out hisses and breathy moans before grabbing your wrist to make you stop. You licked your lips as he reached to open one of the drawers on the small table he had next to his bed, and you trembled in anticipation when he took a condom out. Immediately his eyes were back on yours, and you felt hypnotised again.

“Open it” he ordered, with the same, firm voice from earlier. You had to suppress a moan as you obeyed, ripping the package carefully “Put it on” your hands were almost shaking as you did it, finally realising the size and the thickness of his member, which made you gulp “Come here”.

Back on your original position, you straddled his lap carefully as he laid down on his back. His hands grabbed your hips and his eyes wandered down your body slowly. You felt a bit self-conscious again but he didn’t let you cover yourself. Instead Ivar lined his member with your entrance, teasing you with the tip until you whined in protest and made him smirk.

“Sit down” he said, and you obeyed again. His hand guided your hips as he filled you for the first time. It was overwhelming, slow and a bit painful, but even if you didn’t make the effort to hide your moans, you forced yourself to keep your eyes open, enjoying the way his face contorted in pleasure and he had to fight the need of thrusting up into you while his eyes narrowed. He didn’t stop until he was fully inside you, and he let out a groan as he waited a few seconds to let you adjust. Then he opened his eyes again and licked his lips before saying “Now ride me”.

You didn’t need to be told twice. You started moving your hips slowly, and immediately the pleasure filled every single corner of your body. His breathy moans only encouraged you to move faster, even if the tight grip of his hand on your hip still guided you, setting up the pace. His other hand caressed your waist, your belly, your chest, grabbed your neck and even touched your lips when he pulled you down to kiss you again. Your legs were already shaking around him, you felt light-headed and you nearly begged against his lips.

Ivar stopped then, guiding your hips to move in circles and then back and forth, which made you yelp when his member started pressing on a very specific spot inside you.

You didn’t even realise you had started to beg until Ivar let out a breath against your ear.

“Please what?” he muttered “Do you want to come?”

You only had enough strength to nod, sitting back down to make it go deeper. His hand left your body to touch your clit again, and you gasped when he made you move faster.

“You look so beautiful like this” he said, his voice breathy and deeper than ever “And you feel so good, Y/N…”

You whispered his name, as a warning. It was too much and the intensity of the pressure building in your lower belly told you it was going to be strong. Painful even.

Ivar gritted his teeth together. If your walls were clenching so hard around him then, he couldn’t even imagine how it would feel when you…

“Cum then” he whispered again as he started thrusting again “Cum for me”

You closed your eyes and let out a moan so loud he would’ve thought it was a scream. Your entire body clenched and trembled, you felt like passing away when a giant wave of pleasure washed over you, almost making you drown. Your nails dig into his shoulders and chest, and Ivar let out a hiss in between moans. He had planned to hold on a bit longer, but the feeling of your walls clenching so tightly around him was too much.

The both of you ended up panting and shaking, and you had to move away from him as soon as your orgasm ended, too sensitive to tolerate any kind of contact. Ivar sat down as you licked your lips and laid on the bed next to him, feeling dizzy and almost like you were going to pass out. Your limbs felt heavy and you weren’t sure whether you could walk at that moment. Ivar took the condom off, leaving it on the floor carefully before laying back down to catch his breath. You smiled then, for some reason you felt the need of smiling and giggling like an idiot. God, if that wasn’t the best experience of your entire life…

“Are you okay?” Ivar turned his head to look at you “Sorry if I was too rough…”

“I’m fine” you smiled at him “I just need a moment” you closed your eyes again, taking a deep breath. Ivar chuckled and rubbed his face. It felt good to have a distraction, to finally feel like he had taken Freydis out of his system. And you were so sweet and good to him…

After a few minutes, and completely against your will, you left the bed. You wanted nothing more than to crawl back in and cuddle him. Inhale his scent while leaning onto his chest and kiss him again, this time slowly, caress his hair and fall asleep with his heart beating under your ear. But he hadn’t made a move towards you, and you were already embarrassed remembering the sounds you had made just a few minutes before. Your legs still felt shaky as you grabbed the towel and covered yourself, even though it was maybe a bit too late for that, before going back to the bathroom.

After peeing and cleaning yourself as fast as you could, you stepped out again. This time Ivar was standing, and looked at you with a small smile.

“I’m going to have the shower now” he said, and you nodded, biting your lip “If you’re thirsty you can go to the kitchen and grab some water”

You nodded before the door closed again behind him, and finally got dressed.

A few minutes later, when you reached the kitchen with the intention of drinking at least two litres of ice-cold water, you found Ubbe and Hvitserk sitting next to the kitchen island, both talking quietly and eating something. Hvitserk was the first one that saw you, smirking widely and winking at you.

“Hello” he looked very amused as you stood there, dressed in his little brother’s clothes and wishing the Earth would explode at that moment.

“Hi Y/N” Ubbe smiled politely at you “It’s nice to see you again”

“Hi” you mumbled, knowing you couldn’t turn around and go back to Ivar’s bedroom without losing all of the dignity you had left “I… Can I have some water?”

“Of course” Ubbe stood up before you could add anything else and opened a cabinet to grab a glass.

“Yeah, I think you need it” Hvitserk chuckled “How was your day? Interesting?”

You nearly choked with the water, and Ubbe hit his brother’s head softly, rolling his eyes with an amused smile.

“Ignore him, Y/N” he winked at you “Want to eat something?”

_______________________________________________________

The small tattoo studio to which Ivar took you was located on a busy street, but somehow you had never noticed it before. The owner was a giant man with long, grey hair and a beard, and his serious expression changed completely when Ivar entered the local. They exchanged a big smile and a handshake while you stood next to the door shyly, looking around. You had insisted on getting a tattoo the modern way, and Ivar had laughed at that, reassuring you that Haakon -the giant man you supposed- could do that too.

“Today it’s not for me” Ivar shook his head when Haakon asked him which design he had in mind. Then he turned to look at you, and you smiled “She’s Y/N, she would like to get a tattoo and I told her you’re the best artist in all Scandinavia”

The man shot you a gentle smile and nodded, motioning for you to approach the counter so he could show you some designs. After a while discussing different ones and the changes he could do so it would look better on you and also be unique, you finally laid on the chair as Haakon printed the design and prepared his tools. Ivar sat on a chair next to you, a small smile on his lips. You got to hold his hand during the whole process, and the sting of the tattoo was somewhat forgotten when you realised it was the first time you held his hand and prayed so it wouldn’t be the last.

_______________________________________________________

When you got the idea of that improvised trip to Lapland, you didn’t expect for it to actually happen. But that day when the sun went up you were sitting on a train with Ivar next to you, and you looked out of the window feeling the luckiest person in the entire world, hoping that warmth would last forever. His leg was touching yours, and your hand twitched with the need of grabbing his.

A week ago, during a night in which the rain and thunder didn’t let you sleep, you opened your laptop and organised a trip out of boredom. Lapland was always a good idea, and even better when after Lapland you got to travel around Finland by train and fly back home from Helsinki. Trains were a cheaper option and way more comfortable for Ivar, who had now way more space to stretch his legs and a comfortable seat. You had messaged him at dawn that same night, thinking he’d say no. He took a few minutes but he said yes. And you had squealed like a teenager at the thought of a trip with him. Ubbe had given you a few tips to help with his legs, and Ivar was surprisingly very calm and even looking forward to the trip.

“Feels good to be out of that city for a while” he muttered, his eyes narrowed as he just woke up and the sunlight hit them directly “I needed a distraction”

You turned your head to smile at him. Ivar’s expression relaxed. He liked you, and found it very cute that you always had a smile for him.

“Yeah, I guess” you shrugged “It’s a good way to end the summer too”

Ivar nodded absentmindedly. His phone inside his pocket burned then, and he remembered the text he received a few days ago. A part of him needed that trip to get it out of his mind, to avoid overthinking. But her words were embedded in his head.

I’ll be back on September 1st. Then we can talk. I miss you♡

Ivar wondered how she could miss him when it was her who left him. For someone else. Ivar had had his heart broken for the entire summer, but August had been a bit more tolerable thanks to you. So when you proposed that trip he said yes. He hoped he could get her out of his mind but it seemed impossible. Not even with you next to him to distract him.

“I hope we can see the Northern Lights?” you said looking at the sky with a hopeful sigh “It’s romantic”

“I’m afraid it’s a bit early for the Northern Lights” Ivar chuckled “But who knows… I’m not a very romantic person, though”

You looked at him with an eyebrow raised. You had seen him looking at Freydis, you had heard what he had done for her.

“I don’t believe that” you shrugged “I think everyone is romantic in their own way… Being romantic is not necessarily sending big bouquets of flowers every Friday, or organising a dinner with candles and rose petals on a Saturday, sometimes it’s just a simple gesture, or words”

“But sometimes a simple gesture or words are more difficult than a bouquet” he replied “Especially when you feel like you’re never good enough”

Your smile faded and you pouted, feeling your heart break for him.

“Who made you feel like you’re not good enough, Ivar?” you asked quietly, reaching to caress his hair softly. He didn’t move.

“Many people” he said with a sigh “When they leave me for someone better, or when no matter what I do that is never enough, when they couldn’t care less about me”

You frowned and stayed silent for a couple of minutes.

“I care about you” you said quietly “I wouldn’t leave if you don’t want me to, and no matter what you do it’s always enough” you smiled up at him, who looked taken aback “Don’t waste your time on people that don’t appreciate you”

Ivar gulped. He felt his eyes burning with tears but he refused to cry. He wished it was that easy.

“Don’t be sad” you pouted again “I want you to enjoy the rest of the summer”

Why do you care so much?, he wanted to ask. But then you stood up and closed the door to the compartment, locking it before drawing the curtains. And he knew exactly what you had in mind when you turned around with a shy smile. He thought it would be much easier if he could fall in love with you.

______________________________________________

August felt too short. Soon the days started to get shorter, and it rained more often. Suddenly you stopped going to the beach, and the university emails about the starting of the classes filled your inbox.

And Ivar stopped texting.

Finland had been a dream. It made you believe it could last, because for a few days it felt real. You didn’t hide on a harbour, or waited until everyone left the beach to sit on the sand. He kissed you, laughed with you, his fingers traced the lines of your new tattoo during the night, under the bedsheets of the cheap hotels you had booked. Those days were like a dream.

But dreams end too.

And suddenly you went from chasing Northern Lights to stare at your phone in silence, in the middle of the night waiting for a text, a call, anything that would calm your fears. He didn’t reply, didn’t call back. You saw Ubbe and Hvitserk on the bar a couple of times, but didn’t dare to ask them. You even went to the harbour a few times, waiting in case he’d appear from nowhere with a rational explanation. But he never did.

Sometimes you’d be angry, wanting nothing else than to send him a voice note or a huge text, but you always ended up deleting the whole thing before pressing send with the tears running down your face. Because at the end of the day, you could not lose someone who was never yours. And Ivar had never been yours, there was always something between the two of you that was impossible to ignore.

That first day of university you understood why.

Your friends were all back from their holidays, all tanned and with longer hair, new dresses and collars they had bought on those souvenir shops that are usually in front of the beaches. Maybe you should have been a bit jealous of them and their holidays around the world, but you wouldn’t change that summer with Ivar for anything else. In fact, you dreamed of leaving for a proper holiday with him one day. Maybe Italy, Greece or Spain…

They giggled around you, telling you stories about cute lifeguards, southern boys (and girls) with an accent and the best mojitos they had ever tried. You smiled with them, having missed them way more than you thought, until you spotted them in the parking lot.

Freydis was the first one. She jumped out of Hvitserk’s car laughing, and Ivar came out after her. He also had a big smile on his face, and said something before she giggled again, leaning in to kiss him.

Something inside you broke, and you couldn’t stop looking as they walked towards the main building. Hvitserk walked behind them, not looking very enthusiastic about Freydis’ return. But your eyes were glued to Ivar. Wishing he’d turn his head and look at you, acknowledge you at least, something that reassured you that what you lived that summer was real, even if it ended as quickly as it started.

He did look at you, his smile faded slowly when he finally spotted you, and you held back your breath until he looked away again.

“I heard she came back from Sweden not so long ago” your best friend spoke next to you, and you knew who she was talking about “She’s so pretty, it’s unfair”

“Yeah” you said softly. For some reason you didn’t feel the sadness you had been feeling since Ivar stopped talking to you. Instead you felt your eyes fill with tears of disappointment, which hurt even more.

“They do look cute together, Ivar is hot” she giggled “Maybe we’ll find something like that too, someday”

“I doubt that” you replied, thinking with your young innocence that you would never be able to love someone as much as you loved him. They entered the building then, and it was like seeing a door closing on your face, knowing it would probably never open again.

“Shall we get to class?” your friend, oblivious to your heartbreak, pointed at the hallway full of students.

“Yeah, I… I need to go to the toilet, save me a seat?” you replied, clearing your throat before taking a couple of steps towards the toilets.

“Sure, but don’t be late! It’s the first day” she winked at you and turned around, walking towards the classroom. You quickly entered the toilets, locking yourself in one of the stalls as the first tears started rolling down your cheeks, knowing you didn’t have much time because the classes were about to start, but relieved because at least you’d have a distraction.

The tears felt like fire on your skin, they burned and ruined the makeup you had put on that morning, hoping you’d see him and he’d give you one of his smiles, maybe cross that door with your hand on his. People would start talking but he couldn’t care less. It was the hope for that moment that kept you going for the entire summer. And you would have waited forever.

___________________________________________

Tags:  @mblaqgi​ @alicedopey​ @lol-haha-joke​ @hallowed-heathen​ @naaladareia​ @tephi101​ @captstefanbrandt​ @love-hate-love​ @titty-teetee​ @readsalot73​ @moondustmemories​ @thevikingsheaux​ @therealcalicali​ @chimera4plums​ @blushingskywalker​ @awkwardfangirl02 @gruffle1​ @justacripple​ @heartbeats-wildly​ @letsrunawaytotomorrow​ @inforapound​ @sallydelys​ @hellogabysblog​ @winchesterwife27​ @hecohansen31​ @youbloodymadgenius​ @xinyourdreamsx​ @funmadnessandbadassvikings​ @eteramfools​ @tgrrose​ @flokidottirsstuff  @lovessce​ @tootie-fruity​ @didiintheblog​ @alexhandersenx​ @belovedcherry​ @fantasydevil2002​​ @xceafh​​ @astrape-the-weatherwitch​​ @destynelseclipsa​ @katarokkar11 @momowhoo​​ @heavenly1927​​ @mcrmarvelloki​​ @nanahachikyuu​​ @valopz​​ @zuxiezendler​​ @heavenly1927​​ @dini73​​ @loveforreading​​ @southernbe​ @smears-and-spots​ @natalielbeauty​ @mrsalwayswrite​ 

my taglists are a mess! I’m sorry if I fucked the Ivar taglist up😭 just let me know if you want to be tagged or if you want me to delete you from the taglist!

[bitchassbucky]

.avi

Word Count: 1.2k

Warning/s: nsfw! (literally) stalkerish themes. dark!bucky x dark-ish!reader. cybercrimes being committed. f & m masturbation. sex toy (vibrator mention). this is kinda meta, tbh.

A/N: the long-awaited part two of .exe mwahaha. we're delving not-that-deep into bucky's little thingy methinks. as always, reblogs and comments are welcomed! <3

follow the CTRL series:

i - .exe

ii - .avi

iii - .raw

iv - .png

v - .zip

CTRL playlist

CTRL moodboard

Jesus Christ, you’re insatiable.

Bucky barely woke up when he caught you masturbating with a rabbit vibrator on your bed—laying on your stomach. The towel you thoughtfully laid on was folded halfway. He assumes that you’re a squirmer too when you come. The Friday night show was his favorite though, shame that he didn’t get any footage of it.

His dick is already hard but he’s got no time to waste just yet. Clicking open a screen recording app, he gets to work. Bucky’s already got some footage of you sleeping, cleaning up, and tidying your sheets. In his little mind palace, he’d never let you do any of these things—he’ll be the one to change the sheets, he’d tuck you in bed too.

Bucky let the program run on the desktop as he went to get his breakfast. His mind keeps drifting back to you in his office.

How do you like your coffee?

Do you even like coffee?

You look like a tea kind of person.

Maybe he’ll ask you for breakfast, as soon as he learns how your morning routine goes.

When he came back to his desk, the bed was already made up (again). He got worried for a second until your face came into the frame, your glasses fogged up with vapor.

You bring the laptop with you to the living room, along with a big mug of… something.

He’s gotta learn what you like so he can like it too.

On his side of the things, he sees that you keep your word processor running in the background. More work, perhaps? He hadn’t had the chance to check out your files just yet. He kept himself busy with your pictures and candids. Bucky had his favorites all printed out—he, of all people, knows that technology can’t be trusted, so why were you uploading these pictures of yourself?

There were ones taken in your bathroom, he presumes. On your bed. In the kitchen. By a fucking window, for crying out loud.

He wants to be the one to take these pictures, to imprint them into his memory. Seared in his brain. But not yet.

For now, he just needs to get back at making sure you’re safe in your apartment.

You’ve been staring and smiling at your phone for a while now.

What are you up to?

—

Turns out Mr. IT Guy isn’t very social-media savvy.

All his pictures are out in the open for everyone to see. You wonder what he’s like in private, then.

Maybe he likes posting candids of his new girlfriends and deleting them when it’s over? For a man who has a face of a god, you’d expect to see at least a girlfriend within the past few months.

But he doesn't. No corny pictures, no hashtags of anniversaries, no tagged photos.

You spent your morning working up yourself with your trusty vibe, the image of him fucking you by the kitchen sink fresh on your brain.

Holy shit, does he have that effect on everyone?

What if you wander into his office after a shift and you’d find him stroking his cock? Would you close the door and never speak of it? Maybe you’d smirk and walk over him, sinking down on your knees to suck him off.

God, now you’re all worked up again. Horny, hot, and bothered. That’s good though, then you’d have the energy to finish the chapter you left a week ago.

—

So you’re a writer by choice. Bucky knew that much.

What he wasn’t expecting though, is you write the most explicit things.

The all-white collar girl he met last week likes to get fucked roughly. Overstimulated. Choked. Gagged. Slapped. Spit on.

He’s gotta show you how to make love. Slow, sensual love. Preferably after the roughhousing, that is.

Oh, the things he’d do to you—how he’ll worship your body, head to the tip of your toes. Bucky wants to bury his cock between your lips and praise you for the good girl you are. He wants to let you know that you don’t need to be degraded in order to come.

You just need him.

Bucky’s cock twitches in his sweatpants, still painfully hard. The thick vein on the underside of his shaft protrudes, waiting for him to just fuck something warm.

His hand will do for now.

By the time he got his hand gripping the base of his cock, he’s got you in fullscreen. The recording app still running in the background.

You’re busy. Typing. Researching. Looking for words to replace ‘say.’ Your sleep shirt is loose on your soft frame.

Bucky focuses on you, then. Imagining you on your knees, right here in his apartment. You’d be wearing those glasses you have on. He knew he had a thing for girls with glasses.

He closes his eyes to indulge himself in his own movie.

Your tongue laying flat against his girth, drooling all over the thick base of his dick. He’d let you take your time licking, all the way from his balls to tip. Your lips would close around his leaking head, teasing and tasting his precum.

One of his ties would be around your wrists so you’d learn how to use your mouth.

Bucky swears to God that he felt your mouth closing in on his cock as he pistons his fist faster. A guttural moan spills out of his mouth as his toes curl, the carpet gripping the pads of his feet.

“God, fuck—Y/N.”

Bucky forgoes any kind of underwear last night, only dressing himself up with baggy sweatpants. It was for the better too. He doesn’t think he’d come so much from watching someone—well, not just someone—on the screen.

He sighs, wiping himself clean on the underside of his pants. He needs to do his laundry soon.

Bucky looks at your face longingly from his side of the screen; God, is this how long-distance couples feel?

Maybe he’ll shoot you a text later.

—

Unknown Number: I hope you’re doing well.

Unknown Number: How's your laptop?

Unknown Number: Shit, sorry, it’s Bucky from IT. :)

Your head spun in three different directions as the texts came in.

Hey, Bucky! I’m doing well. The laptop is too.

Was it too curt? Well, you didn’t want to come off too strong. It’s not like he’s been on your mind for the better half of your weekend morning.

Your stomach made a worrying flip as the message status turned Read 10:44 AM. But there was no typing bubble.

Whatever, you’re fine. You’re a busy girl. A strong, independent woman who—

IT Guy Bucky: Good! Just checking on you. We had some downtime due to system maintenance last night.

Oh, it’s work.

No problems on my end! You type in quickly, sending it. To be fair, all you had in common was a band.

Hey, I have a question. It’s not work-related.

—

Oh.

Oh, he fucked up, didn’t he?

Y/N: Do you know any restaurants near the office? I’m sick of eating take-out food. Other than the hipster hideyhole you told me.

Bucky breathed out a sigh of fucking relief when he read your text. He chuckles mostly at himself and composed a reply.

Yeah! I have a non-hideyhole spot a block away from the office. You wanna check it out sometime?

You already got inside jokes.

Is 11:30 good?

Yeah, Bucky types, a smile forming on his lips, 11:30 it is.

[ruckystarnes]

Title: As Long as I Can See the Light

Author: RuckyStarnes

Words: 1,660

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Wanda Maximoff, Steve Rogers, Clint Barton

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Wanda Maximoff

Warnings: none at all

Rating: G

Square Filled/Daily Challenge/Prompt: U2: Guitar

Written for:  @buckybarnesbingo

Summary: Steve convinces Wanda to come to the Christmas party.

Type: Moodboard/Fic

A/N: I will admit this was a caffeine fueled. Also the song is posted below, but it is written by John Fogerty, so I do not own it at all.

Wanda didn’t see Steve walk into the living room, let alone hear him when he entered the townhouse. She was too busy putting decorations on the tree, blue lights shining against the silver and red baubles and making the gold ribbon garland sparkle. He was quiet on his feet, something Wanda should have been used to as she lived with his best friend, so when she turned around, she was startled and dropped the silver ornament she was holding, causing it to shatter on the ground.

“Dočerta Steve,” she cursed, flexing her fingers to use her magic to collect the pieces of sharp glass, sending them to the breakfast bar looking into the kitchen.

“I apologize, Wanda,” Steve replied, smiling sheepishly as a blush crept up his neck. “I thought you heard me knock.”

Wanda sighed and shook her head, bending to pick up another ornament. “Don’t apologize, Steve. I was too into my head to even hear the music.” She turned to hang the bauble on a branch then looked the tree over to see where else needed a decoration.

“I miss him too, Wanda,” he said softly, and she could hear him move to sit down on one of the couches. “But he should be home before Christmas.”

Wanda only nodded, her eyes on the tree to try to hide her face from Steve. Just thinking of Bucky being gone ate at her, missing him more than she will ever admit.

They only have been dating for a few months, after spending almost a year sharing the townhouse as they tried to get back to a normal sense of living after everything fell apart. She was done trying to be a hero as she felt it brought nothing but anguish and agony to her life. Too many people she had lost, and she was determined to end that. But then there was Bucky, who felt like he needed to atone for his sins when he wasn’t even responsible for all the atrocities that HYDRA had made him do; he didn’t give it up at all, but now that they were together, he promised her that this would be the last time he would be on a mission. Promised that he will be home for Christmas.

“What are you doing here, Steve,” she asked softly, “not here just to check up on me, that’s for sure.”

“I thought we had a deal that you won’t read people’s minds without consent.”

“It’s kind of hard when your thoughts are screaming.” She rolled her eyes as she turned towards the blond, playing with her fingers. “I was being polite by asking, and giving you a chance to use your own words.”

Steve crossed his leg over the other and leaned back on the couch, his hands folded in his lap. “I wanted to make sure you were okay, and to ask if you wanted to come to the party,” he offered with a smile. “You shouldn’t have to be alone just because you walked away.”

Wanda took a deep breath and looked over at the mantle of the small fireplace where two stockings hung and pictures of Pietro and Rebecca on either side of the menorah that bought when she went back to Sokovia the year prior.

“Not sure if I’m ready for a party,” she finally replied, walking over to the fireplace, her eyes fixed on the picture of her brother.

“It’s not a big party, Wanda. It’s just us and Clint’s family. Obviously Pepper and Happy as well, but it’s small.” He stood and walked over to her, his shoulder dipping to bump into hers. “You’re family Wanda, especially to Clint and I. We want you there. Lila asked if you were going to play.”

Wanda scoffed and shook her head, looking up at her friend with a small smile.

“That’s low, playing the Lila card.”

“What can I say? The Barton kids like you. But seriously, you should come and be with family tonight. And you know it will be entertaining regardless how big it is.”

Wanda laughed softly, nodding her head. “Alright, I’ll go only because I know you have a plan on getting me there regardless. I’ll go grab my case, but I’m not changing. Tony is just gonna have to accept jeans and a sweater.”

“Place your ring finger here,” Wanda instructed, moving Lila’s finger to the correct spot on the sixth string. “Now try.”

Lila pulled her thumb over the strings and smiled when the sound came out pleasant, unlike the four tries before. “I got it!” the young teen gushed, moving her fingers to the next position, strumming the correct chords.

“Take it slow, you’ll get it. I’m going to get some punch.” Wanda stood and patted Lila’s shoulder and walked to the kitchen.

The party was just what Steve said, small. It was intimate and homey. And as much as Wanda missed Bucky, she didn’t feel lonely. It had been a few months since she had seen Clint and his family, and Nate wouldn’t leave her be for the first hour. Steve was right that Lila wanted to learn the guitar, and Cooper was like any teenage boy not wanting to be there, but pleasant.

“How are you doing, kid?” Clint asked, leaning against the counter as she laddled punch into her cup.

“You know I am almost thirty,” she retorted, turning towards him with a smile.

“Yeah, and I’m old enough to be your older brother or rather young uncle,” he teased, the smile reaching his eyes.

“I’m alright Clint, just…”

“Missing Barnes?”

“Yeah,” she sighed, “I know he can handle himself, but sometimes...I worry that Sam’s not enough to keep him safe.” She took a slow drink and looked out to the main room where everyone was. She saw Steve look over at them and nodded, and Laura said something to Lila, making the girl put the guitar down.

“Maybe you guys can come and visit for New Year’s,” Clint offered, his offer making Wanda look at him. She didn’t mean to gape, but Clint was pretty strict on keeping work and home separate.

“You sure? Did you even ask Laura?”

“It was Laura’s idea. She wants you two to feel welcome with us, even though I think Barnes is a bit old for you,” Clint muttered, his nose crinkling.

“Shut up, he’s younger than you,” Wanda countered, shoving his shoulder, making the archer laugh. “I don’t care if he’s ‘technically’ older than me, but he’s the same age as Steve.”

“Exactly. They’re both over a hundred,” he smirked, stepping away in time to miss her hand that was ready to smack him upside the head.

Before Wanda could contemplate on using her magic, Lila was by her dad’s side, a smile on her face.

“Can you play a song for us, Wanda?” she asked cheerfully as she raised herself on her toes and fell back down.

“Uh, sure,” she replied, looking back at Clint, “Consider yourself lucky, old man.” She gave him a smile and wink before following Lila back to the couch where the young girl set her guitar down. She could feel everyone looking at her, but she couldn’t get a feeling on why; maybe Laura had told everyone that Lila was going to ask.

“Can you play the one that you use to sing to Nate when he was baby,” Lila asked, sitting down on the couch and held out the guitar to Wanda.

“Not really a Christmas song,” Wanda mused, but shrugged and sat down next to the brunette, taking the guitar and adjusted it on her lap.

“And sing it too?” Lila beamed at her, and Wanda had to narrow her eyes at the girl, suspicious as to why she seemed almost giddy.

“Okay, here it goes.” Wanda took a breath and started to strum, her eyes focused on the neck of the guitar, working her fingers as she tried to remember the words.

“Put a candle in the window, ‘cause I feel I've got to move. Though I'm going, going I'll be coming home soon, as long as I can see the light. Pack my bag and let's get moving, ‘cause I'm bound to drift a while. Though I'm gone, gone you don't have to worry, no, as long as I can see the light.”

She took a breath, biting her lip as she played the chords, her stomach knotting as she tried to push the thoughts of Bucky out of her mind. Another shaky breath and she started the second verse.

“Guess I've got that old traveling bone, ‘cause this feeling won't leave me alone.”

Before she could go on, another voice chimed in, making her stop playing, but the person kept singing.

“But I won't, won't be losing my way, no, no. As long as I can see the light.”

Bucky.

He was standing just inside the living space, a small smile on his face. He was still in his tactical gear and sporting stubble along his jaw. Steve took the pack from his friend, patting his shoulder as he walked over to Sam who was a few feet away.

“Hey doll,” Bucky greeted, walking towards her.

Lila reached over and took the guitar from Wanda, leaning in to whisper, “Dad and Steve wanted to surprise you.”

Wanda’s eyes flitted to Clint then Steve, her mouth slightly agape before looking up at Bucky, who was now standing in front of her.

“I would have cleaned up a bit, but the punk made it clear we had to be here as soon as we landed,” he explained, kneeling down in front of her, a crooked smile still on his face.

“I don’t care,” she whispered, her hand coming up to cup his jaw, “you’re home for Christmas.” A smile pulled at her lips as she leaned in and placed a soft kiss to his lips. “Welcome home,” she murmured against his lips.

[fangirlings-things]

First Costumer

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Pairing: Arthur Shelby x female reader

Summary: you just got hired to do the job you always wanted and your first costumer, is no other but a Peaky Blinder

Word count: 2.1K

This is based on the moodboard below, made by my friend. You can find the original post here

A/N: I wrote this for @flowers-in-your-hayr 650 followers celebration. congratulations, love!! you're amazing, thank you for understanding my brazilian jokes lol and I hope you like this 💖

TAG LIST: @sophieshelby ; @charmingvalkyrie ; @inglourious-imagines ; @fairyofvoid ; @locke-writes ; @regalbanshee ; @captainshazamerica ; @lotsoffandomrecs ; @flowers-in-your-hayr ; @too-spoopy-to-be-frukd

You heard the doorbell ring and the sound filled the bookshop. Finally, a costumer. Your very first costumer. How exciting! 

You got down of the ladder you had previously climbed to fix some of the higher shelves and passed your hands through your brown simple dress, making sure it was proper and in order. Mr. Cuthbert had taken a long time to finally accept you as an employee in his establishment and now, you had to make him proud. 

You had always loved books. Since you were just a little girl, you mother had given you novels to read and you grew up living in many different ones from the reality you actually found yourself in. Books were your passion, your refugee, your ideal spot. To be able to work around them and make people happy by buying books, well, it sounded like perfection! 

The costumer took his time to walk through the shop, eyeing the shelves like they were unusual strangers in the street and then, he got to you at the back of the bookshop. Your first costumer was a man. 

He was tall. Not too tall, but just enoguh to make him able to look at some of the upward shelves without having to raise his head too much. His skin was white, giving a nice contrast with the black coat he wore. He had a moustache and you could only see a few strings of his brown hair, due to the cap he wore.

Then, you realized. After taking notice of the cap, the fine clothing made sense. No ordinary man in Birmingham had such fine clothes to wear, especially not in the middle of the week, during the lunch break time of the factories. Oh no, that man absolutely did not work in a factory. That man was a Peaky Blinder. His only bosses were the Shelbys and the Shelbys only. 

"May I help you, sir?" you asked him with a polite smile, pushing to the back of your mind the realization you had just come to. It didn't matter who he was outside Mr. Cuthbert's bookshop. He was a costumer. Who clearly, for the way his eyes were going from one shelf to the other, intended to buy a book. 

He focused his eyes on you and you saw that his stare wasn't harsh or the one of a demon, as many people said the Peaky Blinders were. His eyes were kind, even though there was an agitation in them that you couldn't quite comprehend. Maybe not even he could. "Yes" he said simply and as you kept staring at him, waiting for further information, the man looked even a bit disconcerted, like he wasn't used to having such attention upon him. "It is my sister's birthday this week and Ada, well, she really likes books, has a great shelf of them at her house. So I thought it would be a good idea to you know, give her a new book as a gift"  

You couldn't help but smile. That man, whomever he was, seemed so genuine in everything. You could see the care in his expression when he spoke of his sister. It was a nice thing to see. The stories you had heard about the Peaky Blinders seemed to be all wrong. He was a normal person. Not some crazy, openly violent man. 

"Do you have any specific book in mind?" you asked him, hands joined in front of your body and excitement filling your body because that was apparently going to be a successful sell. The man just squeezed his lips on a thin line, eyes going to the floor  as if he was embarrassed. It got to you. "Don't worry, I am sure we can work something out. What kind of books does she like?" 

He watched as you moved around the place graciously. Clearly you knew every corner of that place, every shelf, every single book and where it was. You looked at a particular spot, frowned then moved on like there wasn't anything interesting for whatever you wanted him to take to Ada. "Well, she's a communist, so she does like politics" 

"Very well" you walked towards the politics shelf, searched the titles, but nothing particularly got your attention or seemed fitting. You turned back to the man. "Does she like classics that have to do with politics?" 

"I think so, what do you have?" he asked, seeming kinda excited for what you would come up with. He accompanied you as you went to shelf on the other side of the corridor and pulled out a book. "Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo. It's centered around the French Revolution" 

The man looked down at the floor again as a quite nervous laugh escaped his mouth. "I don't think that is a good idea. France does not give my family the best memories, you see" 

"You fought the war?" you asked, smile fading a bit because of the seriousness in his tone. Maybe that's where his agitation was from. Maybe, he never did get back from France at all. He only nodded in agreement, still not looking at you. "Thank you, for your service" 

He gave out a little smile, but you knew by the way the corner of his lips didn't rise too much that he was anxious to change the subject. Honestly, see the obvious hurt in him made you want to change it either. "Alright, no France. What about Bram Stoker's Dracula?" 

"Dracula?" he frowned, eyes meeting yours in utter confusion at such a strange name. 

The fact that he didn't knew about it made you smile as you began to describe que novel's story to him with a mysterious tone in your voice to cause suspense. "It's about an old man, Count Dracula, who lives in a castle and feeds on the blood of young women to survive. Sometimes he kills them so they can join him in the after life and also drink blood from innocent people" 

The man laughed due to your clearly forced misteirous tone and the way you raised your eyebrows at him while speaking, seeming to forget the previous sadness that had overwhelmed him with the memories of the war. You were glad for it. "That sounds bloody awful, love" 

You could not help but also laugh, trying to ignore the heat that took a hold of your face when he apparently without thinking, called you love. "It is, actually" then you shrugged, passing your hand through the said novel's cover at the shelf. "But is a fine horror book" you crossed your arms over your chest and squeezed your eyes in his direction. "Be honest with me now, will your sister like this one?" 

He squeezed his lips again, this time his features assumed a expression that clearly said 'sorry'. "I don't think so. Ada is a feminist. I think she would not like a story where a monster man kills women and faces no consequences" 

"That is a very good point" you said with a sight and then turned around, biting your lower lip as you thought and thought about more options. The challenge on your very first sell was being quite exciting and you could say, interesting. Much of it of course, was because of that man. Suddenly, an idea popped into your head and you turned back to the Peaky Blinder with a smile. "What about On the Origin of Species? It's a book about pure knowledge, scientific one, about evolution. No France, no monster that slaughters women" 

The man gave it a minute of thought and then returned your smile. "Knowledge and evolution. It does sounds like Ada" you both felt silent for a moment and then, he cleaned his throat and nodded towards the book you had just gotten into your hands. "I'll take it" 

"Very well" you motioned for him to follow you and then made your way towards the back of the shop again, placing it in the cashier. "You want it wrapped up as a gift?" he quickly agreed and you raised two options of gift wrap in the air. A green and a blue one. He chose the green one. "You can also add a small card if you want" 

"That is nice, thank you" he said and again, as you looked at him, the kindness in his eyes seemed to shine out from everything else. 

You grabbed a gift card from the inside of a box where they were kept and placed a black pen upon it. "You can write it or if you want, I can write it for you" 

"You should write it, I bet your handwriting is better than mine" he said and you chuckled, nodding as you agreed to his request. 

"What do you want it to say?" you waited as he clearly thought about the question, looking unsure. With one of his hands, he took off his cap and then passed the other one through his hair. When he claned his throat, you were ready to start writing. 

"Dear Ada, happy birthday" he looked at you as if that was it but then, seeing the expression on your face that clearly indicated you wished him to talk more, he thought for a second and then continued. " Since you like books so much, I hope you will like this one, that a very nice girl helped me pick" as you wrote with a smile on your face, you did your best not to raise your eyes to meet his. "I know I am not always a very good brother, but I love you. Happy birthday, Arthur" 

"That was beautiful" you told him, letting go of the pen and starting to wrap up the gift carefully, slowly, in no rush to let the Peaky Blinder go away. Arthur. His name was Arthur. It was a beautiful name. Suited him just fine. 

"Alright, then" his eyes went to the floor again, seeming now embarrassed because of your words. 

You finished to wrap the gift in silence, then when it was done, you sighted and looked at the man. "If you want us to deliver the gift at your sister's house, in case you're busy, we have a delivery boy for such" 

"That sounds good, I appreciate that" he replied. 

You nodded in agreement and got a piece of paper, to then grab the pen again. "Can you tell me her adress, please?" he did so, and you wrote it down so the boy Mr. Cuthbert had hired a little while before you could do his part of the job later. "He is supposed to look for Ada...?" you left the question in the air, waiting for him to answer, eyes still on the paper. 

"Ada Shelby" 

Your eyes snapped up on the very same instant. 

Shelby. 

His sister was Ada Shelby. 

He was Arthur Shelby. 

"Something wrong, love?" he asked, and he didn't seem harsh like you expected him to, for the way you not in the slightly hid just how astonished you were to know his identity. His eyes were still kind, but a part of the previous sadness had come back. 

"I'm sorry, that was rude of me" you wrote down Ada Shelby and then left the paper upon the gift, at the corner of the cashier. 

"I'm used to that kind of reaction by now" he said with a nervous laugh, that carried absolutely no humor at all in it. Even if he was indeed used to the said kind of reaction, he clearly did not like it. You felt guilt consume you. "How much do I owe you?" 

You told him the price, still lost in your thoughts and cursing yourself for being so stupid and rude. So rude. He gave you the money, you placed it in the due place. "Have a nice day" he told you and then turned around to leave, placing his cap back in his head and then his hands went to the pockets of his clothes. 

You watched him leaving with a intense feeling of exasperation, tried to think fastly enough to say something and then before you could even really process what you were actually going to do, the words left your mouth. "Mr. Shelby?" he turned back around as he heard you calling, a bit of gentleness in his features. "If you ever need to buy another book, I am sure I can help you find something good" 

His lips curled up in a smile, a pure one. A bit of the guilt you felt left your body like he had just taken it completely away, just by smiling again. "I'll remember that, love" 

And then, Arthur Shelby left the bookshop.

[lunar-jimin]

life goes on, it gets so heavy; the wheel breaks the butterfly

Pairing: Jungkook x fem!reading

Rating: 18+

Genre: smut, angst, fluffy ending, ceo!jungkook, secretary!reader

Word Count: 10k

Warnings: cheating, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, using pulling out as a protective method (don’t do this kids), dom!jungkook, sub!reader, cumming in pants, oral (female receiving), dirty talk, daddy kink, degradation, lovey-dovey sex, impreg kink

Summary: Despite being the golden heir of a wealthy empire, Jungkook is incredibly unhappy with life he’s been handed. When you show up in his office one morning, you change his life in the way he least expected, but in the way he needed the most. 

a/n: This is an anonymous commission for my BLM fundraiser!! If you would like to request something yourself, you can find the link to my official post here! I would also like to thank the lovely @nightowls388​ for beta reading!!

| masterlist | moodboard | playlist |

The air was too hot. Uncomfortable. Sticky. Jungkook loosened the tie around his neck in a desperate attempt to free himself from the confines of his suit. He hated August. It was always too warm, too sunny. He preferred the dark winter days where the snow silenced the universal white noise. Black suits weren’t as suffocating on forty degree days.

He glanced out the window of the Rolls Royce, taking in the pedestrians struggling not to melt in the intense gaze of the sun. He sympathized with their struggle. Even the blast of freezing draft from the air conditioner did little to spare him from the heat. He enjoyed watching people. He was fascinated by the little idiosyncrasies that formed them into unique individuals, each essential to making the world work. Besides, everyone’s life seemed more interesting to him than his own.

There was a point in his life when he was content with the plan his parents had laid out for him before he was in diapers. He looked forward to one day taking over his father’s company, marrying a nice girl, and starting a family. It was a simple plan and one that gained the approval of the adults in his life: something he was constantly vying for as an adolescent. It was what he was raised with. When he went to college, everything changed. For the first time in his existence, he wasn’t being inundated with his parent’s doctrine and found that there was more to life than running Fortune 500 companies. His parents were less than pleased to discover that he had accompanied his business major with a minor in photography. 

But despite the longing that had bloomed in him for something more intriguing than sterile offices and mundane board meetings, he still found himself back home where his parents once again instilled in him the desire to be the golden heir. A year after his return as the prodigal son, his parents set him with the woman who was now his wife. Three years after that, his father decided that he would rather spend his days on the golfing green rather than in sky-high conference rooms, so he handed off the company to Jungkook. Ever since Jungkook had been locked inside stuffy black suits and boring ties. And he absolutely hated it. 

He squirmed in his seat, his desire to escape increasing with each second he was locked in the back of the car. God, why was it so hot? He felt like crying- a feeling that had become increasingly common during the past six months. His brain felt like a bubbling volcano waiting patiently to explode. Sometimes, Jungkook imagined what would happen when it did. He would divorce his wife, leave his job, and move to some island in the Caribbean where he would spend the rest of his days taking pictures. It was a nice dream, but it was only that, a dream. 

He shook his head, trying to contain his runaway emotions. As the car came to a halt in front of the office building, Jungkook tightened his tie and grabbed his briefcase before exiting out into the scalding heat. If inside the car was bad, outside was absolute hell. It was so hot, Jungkook swore he was on fire. He frowned, rushing into the safety of the air-conditioned skyscraper in front of him before he broke out in a sweat. 

He sighed in relief the second he made it through the rotating doors. He had never been so grateful for the large air conditioning bill in all his life. His relief was so immense that it took a full minute to realize something was wrong. Normally, the second he walked through the door, his secretary greeted him with an iced coffee and a pastry, but as he looked around, his secretary was nowhere to be found. Yet another sigh escaped his mouth as he stepped into the elevator. Why of all days did today have to be the day his secretary magically disappeared? He shook his head. 

He noticed her the minute he arrived at his office floor. She was bent over a box, all her attention focused on searching for whatever object was eluding her. It took her a moment to notice his presence, but when she did, she bolted upright before scurrying in front of the desk, hands behind her back. Jungkook looked her up and down, transfixed by the beautiful stranger.

“Can I help you?”

His voice came out harsher than he meant it to and he cringed when you tried to disguise a wince. 

“Um, yes, I’m your new secretary, Mr. Jeon.”

His brows furrowed. 

“New secretary? What happened to the old one? He was perfectly fine.”

He didn’t remember any emails about his secretary leaving, although to be fair, he hadn’t been paying attention to much these days. He might physically be at work, but more often than not, his mind had drifted to far off places. Mostly island paradises. 

“He moved away.”

“Ah,” he gave you a once over, “and what is your name, new secretary?”

You answered him. He nodded as if you had given him the right answer on a quiz.

“And I don’t suppose anyone has told you how things work around here.”

“No sir.”

His hands clenched at the name, a picture of you on your knees before him (with much less clothing) popped into his head. He shook it off, trying to stay the least bit professional. He had a wife for god’s sake. 

“I see. Well, for future reference, I expect you to meet me each day in the lobby with an iced americano and a pastry,” he paused when he realized how demanding he sounded before softly adding, “No cherries though, I hate cherries.”

You nodded, grabbing a sticky note and jotting down his instructions.

“For now, just get settled in. Do you happen to know if I have any meetings today?”

You nodded again, “You have a lunch meeting with the Samsung marketing director at one, sir.”

There it was again. That damn formality. It was really going to get the better of him. 

“You will accompany me. I expect you to take notes, but don’t contribute to the conversation. Got it?”

“Yes, sir.”

Jungkook nodded before making a beeline to his office before he got a boner. He let out a sigh of relief as he closed the door behind him. His heart pounded in his chest and despite his desperate attempts, he’s chubbed up a bit in his pants. 

He didn’t want to admit that it’s because you might be the most attractive woman he has ever seen. He didn’t want to admit that he hasn’t been this turned on in months. Instead, he passed it off on the fact that he hadn’t had sex with his wife in three months which left behind quite a bit of built-up tension. 

The hours ticked by and Jungkook attempted to bury himself with the neverending stack of paperwork. He remembered there was a time when he loved to show off his signature (there was a reason fifteen-year-old him never had a girlfriend), but now he wanted to chop off his hands so that he could never sign a contract again. He was thankful when the clock struck eleven, releasing him from his office, even if it meant being stuck talking shop for an hour while eating expensive but flavorless food. 

He stepped out to find you arranging photos on the wall beside your desk. You glanced up when you heard the door open and flashed him a blinding smile. 

“Ready, sir?”

He nodded. The title was really going to be a problem. 

The meeting was the beginning of Jungkook’s personal purgatory. Every day you would greet him with a smile and the best pastries he had ever tasted. (He was surprised when you admitted to him that you had baked them yourself. If you weren't proving to be an amazing secretary, he would suggest that you open a bakery, but he’s selfish.) You were a good listener and caught onto his routines without a struggle. But every day you would show up dressed as pure temptation. It wasn’t even that your outfits were scandalous, just simple pencil skirts and pastel blouses, but you made them look like sin incarnate. It didn’t help that every night he went home to his wife who he barely noticed existed anymore.

There had been a point when he and his wife were, er, passionate. For the first couple of years, Jungkook even managed to convince himself that he was in love with her. But a couple of months ago, weekly dinners turned into once a month before they disappeared altogether. To make the situation worse, his mother was starting to complain about her lack of children, but he didn’t know how to break it to her that he couldn’t remember the last time he had kissed his wife, much less had sex with her. There were no bitter feelings or resentment, just indifference. He had briefly considered couples therapy before deciding against it. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to attempt to salvage the crumbs of his marriage. 

You had only added fuel to the fire. Jungkook found himself just as infatuated with your mind as he was with your body. Not only did you laugh at his dumb jokes and listen to his whining, but you had witty contributions and easily found out-of-the-box solutions. He swore this quarter’s numbers would be higher just from you alone. And you flirted. He wasn’t sure at first, incredibly hesitant to respond in fear of a scandalous HR report. But when he caught your gaze on him when you thought he wasn’t looking one too many times, he realized there was a good chance that you liked him just as much as he liked you. 

Between you, his wife, and his desperate need to escape this world of offices, limos, and quid pro quo, his life was unraveling right in front of him. Still, he tried to hold onto all the pieces before they landed in a disappointed heap in his lap. He wasn’t quite ready to let it all go to shit. He definitely was not ready to meet his parents’ disapproving faces when he lost everything they had worked so hard to ensure he had. 

Two months after you began working, he found himself at an overcrowded party praying he was anywhere but there. Sadly, being a CEO meant that he wasn’t allowed to drink away his woes, lest he make a fool of himself in front of all the investors. Instead, he was forced to stay exhaustingly sober as he watched everyone around him devolve into debauchery. He found his wife pleasantly drunk near the bar talking to one of her friends whose face he recognized but couldn’t remember her name for the life of him.

“Having fun darling?”

He grinned, trying to play the role of loving husband. A role that had become increasingly difficult to mimic. 

“It’s your birthday party, I should be asking you. Have you even had a drink? Probably not,” she turned back to her friend, “He never drinks at these things, something about keeping up appearances. I think it’s dumb. It’s his own birthday for fuck’s sake.”

He rolled his eyes. There she went again, putting him down. It wasn’t the first time she had commented on his festive sobriety. She wasn’t a fan. Maybe it was because he only fucked her after he drank. Still, he conceded to her teasing, figuring one drink wouldn’t hurt. He waved down a bartender.

“A whiskey on the rocks, please,” he turned back to his wife, “satisfied?”

She grinned at him before resuming ignoring him in favor of whatever fascinating conversation her friend was providing. He sighed before grabbing his drink and making his way out to the balcony. The air inside the penthouse was stuffy and he was beginning to feel claustrophobic. He was surprised to find you already out there, nursing your own drink in your hand. It wasn't unusual for people from the office to be at his personal parties. His father had taught him a long time ago that inviting your employees into your personal life was key to inspiring loyalty. It made them feel like they knew you and that they were important to you. But seeing as you were a relatively new addition, he had never seen you outside of the office and if you were sexy in skirts and blouses, the dress you had on should be illegal. He gulped before leaning next to you on the rail.

"Parties not your thing?"

You jumped, spilling a bit of your drink onto the dark street below. 

"Um, no, parties are fine. Rich people parties are just a whole new animal."

He chuckled.

"That's fair I suppose. Even I get sick of those fuckers. They do realize that they aren’t at the office anymore right? No need to brag about how well your stock is doing"

You smiled at him before looking back out at the city skyline. Despite having grown up with views like this, Jungkook still found it breathtaking. Almost as breathtaking as he found you. He took a sip of his drink, trying to drown his thoughts in alcohol. When he looked at you again, he felt his stomach churn. You were so beautiful that he wasn't sure what to do with himself. A sigh escaped him. You broke out of your trance and turned to look at him.

"Something wrong?"

"No. Not really."

You raised your eyebrow.

"I just- I know this sounds stupid and pretentious- but I really just don't want to do this anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"This job. This lifestyle. This life. I was raised to be the perfect CEO with the perfect family, a copy of my father really, but that's not what I want. All my family has ever seen me as is the golden heir and honestly, I don’t know if I can be that anymore."

"Who do you want to be?"

"I don't know. A photographer I guess. And marry somebody I actually choose to fall in love with. And live away from the stress of trying to please every person in my life at the cost of my own happiness."

"You don't love your wife?"

"No, I do. Kinda. I just... My parents picked her out and at some point, I was smitten with her, but we're so different and she wants success and money and, well, I don't care about that as much. She’s not a bad person, she’s just obsessed with her books and her writing, and well, that doesn’t leave much room for family. I’m not much better though."

"Oh."

"And we haven't been too hot lately."

"How so?"

"Um, well, we're really distant, and, um, we haven't had sex in two months."

You snorted and he blanched. He usually never shared that kind of thing with anyone and here he was confessing his personal problems to you, his secretary. The alcohol must be affecting him more than he thought. This is why he didn't drink at parties.

"How? Has she seen you? I would be all over you if I was your wife.”

You realized what you had said a moment too late and you looked at him with wide eyes, a faint blush covering your face. He let out a nervous chuckle. 

“Would you now?”

You nodded before downing the rest of your drink. Jungkook felt something akin to butterflies begin to flutter in his stomach. He had known that he was fairly attractive, but something about hearing someone as ethereal as you admit it made his heart do flips. 

“Yeah, well, it’s really on me I guess. I haven’t really wanted to.”

“You don’t want to have sex?”

Relief washed over your face when you realized that he wasn’t going to linger on your slip up. 

“Yeah. Well no. I do want to have sex. Just not with her.”

“I see. Well, who do you want to have sex with?”

It was a small glimpse, almost imperceptible, but he saw the recognition in your face as you watched his eyes glance over you.

“Me?”

Jungkook gulped. What was he doing? What was he getting himself into? He had a life to protect. Expectations to uphold. And yet, here he was, considering risking it all for a secretary who was making him feel something for the first time in months. 

When he gathered enough courage to look at you, he found you staring at his lips. One second he’s waging a war with himself and the next your mouth is on his. Your lips are just as warm and soft as he thought they would be and for a moment he lets himself be absorbed by them. But reality rapidly floods back, and he pushes you away. You looked at him, obviously hurt by the rejection. 

“I’m sorry.”

He’s being honest. He doesn’t want to hurt you. But he was a coward who was afraid of what people thought of him. And the things people would think about him if they knew he kissed his secretary were not pretty.

“It’s fine.”

You failed to cover up the disappointment in your voice. 

“It’s not you. It’s just I have a wife, and a family with expectations and-”

He sighs.

“Look, it’s fine. Really. I’m just gonna get going, okay? I’ll see you on Monday.”

With that, you leave him to his own devices. He watches your figure go, before turning back to face the city. 

“Fuck.”

If work was hell before, it was nothing compared to what it was now. Every day, he found himself torn between wanting to take you on his desk and wanting to never see you again. Ever since the party, the memory of your lips pressed on his had haunted him like an orphaned Victorian ghost with a thirst for revenge.  It was on replay in his mind to the point he couldn’t properly sleep anymore. He felt like shit, and he was pretty sure he looked it too, but if anyone noticed they neglected to say anything. 

You, on the other hand, seemed to be doing just fine. You hadn’t so much as mentioned the party. You performed your duties with your usual pep and continued to bring him your heavenly pastries. He resented you a little bit for being able to move on so easily. Here he was hung up on a moment he had fucked up, and there you were acting like nothing had happened. He wanted to scream. 

So he pulled back. He only talked to you if it was absolutely necessary. He never looked your way. He threw himself into his job. But you were still there, just as tempting as the first day he had seen you. His mind was being forced to choose between you alongside the island paradise he dreamed of, and keeping up appearances while pleasing his elders. A week passed and he was miserable. He was exhausted and all his will power had been depleted. 

That’s why he ended up doing what he did. Or at least that’s what he told himself. Friday rolled around and Jungkook was at his wit’s end. And then there you were, fifteen feet away from him flirting with some random guy from IT. (Namjoon, maybe?) It was harmless, but it didn’t stop Jungkook’s gut from twisting about inside of him. Why didn’t you flirt with him? Why didn’t you show him any signs of affection? He reminds himself that he rejected you, but it’s no help. Jealousy overwhelms him as he squirms in his leather chair. He barely noticed his hands clamped into fists or the way his jaw had clenched to the point of pain. When Namjoon leans over to whisper into your ear, Jungkook loses the small tidbits of control he had left. 

He pushes himself out of his chair and storms out, not bothering to say anything as he grabs your arm and pulls you away from a stunned Namjoon and back to his office, slamming the door behind him. 

“Can I help you?”

Your tone is curt and your face was twitching with displeasure. Jungkook realized that once he had you, he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do with you. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He would certainly like to bend you over his desk and fuck you until you couldn’t walk, but he was fairly certain that wouldn’t go over well with you right now. 

“Umm…” 

He felt a blush cross his face as he realized he was still holding onto your wrist. He released it before turning to pace back and forth across the marble floor. 

“Well?”

You folded your arms across your chest, your eyes were alight with something dangerous. Something that Jungkook found incredibly sexy. Before his brain could register with what he was doing, he found himself marching over to you, grabbing you by your waist and pulling you in for a kiss. 

You stiffened against him, but before you had a chance to respond, he had pulled away from you. The guilt was almost immediate, drowning him in regret and confusion. You too looked confused, as you stood stock still, surprise plastered all over your face. Jungkook turned and walked back to his chair. 

“You can go.”

You seemed to barely register the words as you nodded before absent-mindedly wandering out of his office. Jungkook relaxed in his seat as he tried to make sense of what had happened. He knew he had feelings for you, but nothing he couldn’t handle. Nothing he couldn’t control. But he had lost control and now he wasn’t able to trust himself. And he didn’t know if he wanted to.

After that, things went back to normal. Well, as normal as they could be. He gathered the courage to interact with you again. But now instead of friendly glances and gestures, there were secret looks and subtle touches. Jungkook knew he was a wind-up toy one twist away from snapping, but he couldn’t help but indulge in your flirty gestures. 

He found himself growing bolder as the consequences he had once worried about seemed to be a world away. What started with the brush of a hand across the hip, grew to a hand on your thigh in the back of the car. Dark stares and lip bites plagued his day. At night, he would go home and lock himself in his private office where he would wrap his hand around his cock while conjuring up images of you in a variety of wanton states, all for him. 

He should’ve known that staying at work late with you would be a bad idea. Usually, you had the rest of the employees to keep you in check. With them gone, he found himself finding little reason to hold himself back.

“And so that’s why I think it’s a good idea to start engaging with younger consumers.”

You had been discussing ways to boost sales for the quarter, but he had stopped listening long ago, instead focusing on how your shirt was opened a button lower than usual.

“Mr. Jeon?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you listening?”

“What? Oh, yeah. Of course. Younger consumers. Got it.”

You raised an eyebrow. 

“What?”

“Maybe if you spent less time staring at my chest and more time focusing on these market studies, we would already have higher sales.”

“Sorry.”

“Sure you are.”

“You’re right. I’m not.”

The drop of his voice surprised even him. You looked at him with an unreadable look from your perch on the edge of his desk.

“And what is so enticing about my chest?”

Jungkook gulped. Your eyes had darkened and he felt himself start to stir in his pants. 

“It’s a part of you. And you are so sexy I can barely control myself.”

You smirked, before sauntering over to him and lowering yourself into his lap. The scent of your perfume overwhelmed him as you leaned in to whisper in his ear. 

“Then don’t.”

Somewhere inside him, a cord snapped. The control he had been trying to reign in had broken free and he was left to his own primal devices. He pulled your lips to his, finally relishing in getting to properly kiss you. You responded instantly, lips moving against his as your hands buried themselves in his hair. You tugged on the strands and Jungkook moaned into your mouth, hips bucking up into you as his hand grabbed your ass. You returned his moans and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. 

His brain was a mess of emotions and hormones. He was overwhelmingly hard in his pants and your lips felt too good against his. You rolled your hips on top of him and he let a growl, the need to take you battling with his need to preserve the few remaining shreds of his dignity. 

He didn’t have the chance to make a decision though when the office door swung open and the head of a very confused janitor popped in. 

“Uh…I thought you were gone,” he stuttered, “...I’ll just leave.”

The janitor blushed before shutting the door. Jungkook turned back to look at you to find a similar rosy hue had graced your cheeks. 

“Um...I should probably get going too.”

Your voice was meek and the embarrassment of getting caught was plastered all over your face. He can’t blame you though, he isn’t doing too well himself. The fear of getting caught had left him deflated in more ways than one. 

“Yeah, sure, that’s probably good.”

You moved off his lap, readjusting your skirt as you do so. You grab your purse and jacket before walking to the door. Just as you were about to open it, you turn back to look at him. 

“Good night, Jungkook.”

He looked up surprised. It was the first time you had called him by his first name. It sounded heavenly coming from your lips. 

“Goodnight.”

Before he left for the night, he made sure to track down the janitor and offer him a healthy sum of money to stay quiet. He took it happily and continued on his way.

The weekend passed slowly for Jungkook. You plagued his thoughts with images of your rumpled skirt and the feeling of your hands in his hair. His wife was out of town for yet another business trip. He didn’t care. It just gave him more time with the thought of you while his hand was around his cock.

When Monday finally rolled around, Jungkook found himself the happiest he’d ever been to go to work. As he walked into the lobby, the sight of you washed over him like the cold water of a lake on the hottest day of summer. Something about your smile seemed to relieve him of all the heavy stress he was carrying on his shoulders. 

He almost made it through the day without losing control of himself. Despite all the glances he gave you, or the way you brushed your hand against his while you leaned over next to him to explain a chart, he managed to keep it together. But when you bent over in front of his desk to pick up a pen he dropped, he lost all control. The next thing he knew, he was slamming you against his office door, lips attacking yours, while his hips rutted into you. 

Your initial shock wore off almost instantly and you groaned as you melted into him. You wrapped a leg around his waist, dragging him closer to your core. The kiss was messy and he was sure your lipstick was ruined. A fervent need overwhelmed him as he humped you like a desperate teenager. You pulled away to catch your breath, dark eyes looking staring back at his own. 

“Fuck, you turn me on so much, baby,” he growled into your ear, hips moving faster. 

Words seemed to fail you as you whined back at him, pleasure contorting in your face. You suddenly let go of him, before dropping down to your knees. Instead of going to undo his pants like he expected, you simply gave a long lick over his bulge. Jungkook’s legs immediately turned to jello and he had to brace himself on the door to keep himself upright. 

“Oh fuck, what are you doing baby?”

“I’m getting you off. Do you want me to make you feel good sir?”

For once he was happy to hear the name. He didn’t get a chance to respond before you grabbed him through his pants. He threw his head back with a moan. It briefly occurred to him that people might hear through the thin walls, but your hand on his hard cock soon relieved him of all thought. It didn’t take much to get him to the point of no return. Even with all the nights spent with his fist and a bottle of lube he still felt like a rubber band getting stretched to its limit. You were barely touching him, but there he was, on the precipice of cumming in his own damn pants. He barely had time to warn you before spurts of hot cum filled his boxer briefs with white. “Oh, fuck.”

You giggled as he let out soft groans, cock twitching in its confines. The high of pleasure was quickly wiped away as the sensation of sticky underwear rose to his attention. 

“You’re a bad, bad girl, baby. You made me cum in my pants. Do you know what happens to bad girls?”

“No, sir.” 

“They get punished.”

“And how are you going to punish me, sir?”

Jungkook had to stifle a groan. You were still on your knees in front of him, calling him ‘sir’. Despite having just had one of the better orgasms in his life, his dick twitched with interest. 

“Stand up.”

You quickly obey, rising to your full height, but keeping eye contact the entire time. 

“Take off your panties.”

Your eyes grew wide at his demand, but you obeyed him nonetheless. The second you grasped the pink lace in your hand, he snatched them from you, immediately bringing them up his nose. He inhaled, letting himself get lost in the musky aroma.

“Shit, baby, you smell so good. I can’t wait to eat your wet pussy. But not today. You were bad today and only good girls get their pussy eaten.”

You let out a whimper but kept your mouth shut, body frozen in place. He stuffed your panties into his pant pocket before walking over to his desk and taking a seat. 

“You may go.”

You looked like you wanted to say something, probably about your lack of undergarments, but you held your tongue and turned to leave. 

“Oh, and one last thing.”

You turned back to him.

“I’m going to need a new suit. It seems I’ve spilled some coffee on this one.”

He smirked and you nodded, before stepping out the door. 

He didn’t try to hold himself back after that. He would take you whenever the opportunity arose. It didn’t take long for him to fulfill his promise to eat you out. He would forever remember the way you whined his name while his mouth pulled not one, but two orgasms from your dripping pussy. And when he finally got to feel your mouth around his cock, he was fairly sure he had found nirvana. 

He wouldn’t fuck you though. He knew it was silly as if he would be betraying his wife any more than he already was by having sex with you, but for some reason, he felt the need to draw a line. To separate the boundary between the fantasy land he had created with you and the cold reality that he returned home to. His wife had become all but a ghost in his life, and as a result, Jungkook found you providing his only emotional support in addition to sexual release. He didn’t want to admit that somehow, in a few short months, you had grown from being just his secretary to his closest companion. 

He didn’t want to admit it because he was too afraid of where it would lead. He was already teetering on the edge to give it all up, even before you had shown up in his office looking like a gift from heaven, but now, now he was fairly certain that even the tiniest breeze would push him over. And he didn’t know if you would be there to catch him if he fell. 

But that didn’t stop him from starting to dream of a future with you. The island paradise in his mind expanded to include you. Flashes of laughing children, nights under the stars, and soft kisses danced through his mind. You would have your own bakery, he would take pictures, and together you would create your own little family. One that was far removed from the hassle and the stress of his painful existence.  

Jungkook was over the moon to discover that you would be accompanying him on a work trip to Japan. For one whole week, you would be one door away. Even if it was a ruse, Jungkook would be allowed to pretend, for one whole week, that you were his and he was yours alone. On the plane ride alone, he made you cum three times in the cramped bathroom. During the day, you would both try to hold it together. Merger meetings were laced with subtle glances and hidden touches. At night, you would become a whole other animal. 

You tested his limits. Dared him to give in and finally give you what you both wanted: him inside you. Every night you would knock on his door in translucent nighties that highlighted the fact you had discarded your bra. After the second night of showing up in see-through clothes, Jungkook decided to return the favor, opening the door with his shirt unbuttoned, leaving his abs out for anyone to see. While you were both visibly affected by each other’s teasing, neither of you gave in until the last moment, each of you leaping into each other's arms and making a mess of the hotel furniture. But he still didn’t fuck you. It was his line. His final frontier. 

On the last night of the trip, Jungkook suggested that they finally test out the jacuzzi on his balcony. Bad idea. When you showed up in a tiny red bikini that did little to protect your dignity, Jungkook felt himself spiraling out of control. Instead of greeting you like he usually did, he thrust a cocktail in your hand while trying to will his dick into submission. He made it through about ten minutes in the hot tub, trying to participate in regular conversation with you. But he couldn’t, not when your tits were sitting right there. He was no longer sure if the sweat dripping down his forehead was from the warm water or the pent up tension. 

“Fuck.”

“What?”

“I can’t take this anymore,” he groaned.

“Can’t take what?”

Your eyes gleamed, daring him to admit to what they both knew he so desperately needed. 

“There is nothing more I want then to sink into your pretty pink pussy right now.” 

“So why don’t you?”

It was the first time you had questioned why he refused to have sex with you, and now that you were finally confronting him about it, he found himself at a loss for a reasonable explanation. The line that he thought he was creating by refusing to have sex with you had long ago been blurred to the point of no longer existing. And here you were, with your warm body inches from him, wanting him just as much as he wanted to you and he knew that he was done for. 

“Fuck it.”

With that, he pulled you onto his lap, attaching his lips to yours for the three millionth time. He would never tire of your kisses, the way they comforted his soul, and quenched his constant need for your touch. You eagerly responded to him, tongue licking the seam of his lips. As the two of you began to explore each other’s mouths, his hands came up to the string keeping your bikini top together and gave it a quick jerk, letting the scarlet cloth fall from your body. He pulled back and groaned at the sight of your perfect tits, the water around you swishing as he rolled his hips up into yours.

You whined out, “Fuck, baby. Just like that. God, I can’t wait for you to be inside me.”

“Yeah?” Jungkook’s voice was low with lust, “Me neither, baby. You’re gonna be such a good slut for me aren’t you.”

“Yes, sir.”

Even after months of you calling him ‘sir’ in less than professional situations, Jungkook still hadn’t gotten used to it. He felt every inch of his skin tingle with sheer pleasure every time the word fell from your shameless mouth. You whined, teeth pulling at his bottom lip as you pressed down on top of him, just as desperate as he was. He moved from your mouth to your neck, kissing down to your collarbone, where he stopped to take the time to leave a rosy mark that signified you were his and his alone. Once he was satisfied with it, he continued down your chest, taking one of your pretty pink nipples in his mouth, sucking on the hardened bud. You moaned out his name, hips stuttering against his. God, he loved your breasts. 

Your hands tangled themselves in his hair, pulling on them to the point of pain. Jungkook didn’t care though. He loved when you showed him just how good he could make you feel. It made him feral. Sure, receiving pleasure was gratifying, but there was nothing quite like watching you squirm from his ministrations.

He reluctantly pulled away from your tits to pull the ties keeping your bikini bottoms intact before discarding the garment in the same manner as your top, leaving you naked on top of him. He took a moment to pull back and admire how beautiful you looked. You sat there as he looked you over, a blush rising to your cheeks. You crossed your arms over your chest in an attempt to make yourself less vulnerable to him.

“Oh no baby, don’t hide yourself from me,” he gently pulls your arms away, “you’re too beautiful to stay covered up.”

Your blush intensified. He smiled at you, wrapping his large arms around your body and carrying you out of the hot tub. Your lips reconnected with his as he stumbled his way into the hotel room, tossing you on the king-sized bed. 

“Are you gonna be a good girl for me?”

His voice was as dark as his eyes. You nodded in response, voice escaping you. 

“That’s my baby.”

He pulled off his wet swim trunks before joining you on the bed, where your wet body had begun to soak the sheets. If he had his way, they would be much wetter by the time the night was over. He wasted no time diving into your pussy, lips attaching to your clit, drawing out your sweet moans. His fingers found your entrance, circling it a few times to collecting your slick, before slipping one in. Your back arched at the sensation and Jungkook let out a chuckled against your clit. 

Your whines grew higher and he could tell that you were getting close to finishing. After months of exploring your body, he was well acquainted with how to play your pussy like an instrument, conducting your symphony of pleasure. He slipped in a second finger, crooking them upwards in search of the spot he knew would make you scream. When you cried out he knew that he had found it and not five seconds later, you were coming all over his digits. 

“Fuck, Kook.”

“I hope you don’t think that we’re done yet,” he growled as his fingers slowed before leaving your sopping cunt, “when I’m through with you, you won’t be able to walk for days. I'll have to carry you to every meeting and explain to them that I fucked you too hard for you to function.”

You clenched around nothing at his words and he mindlessly took his cock in his hands, giving it a few quick strokes. 

“You like that don’t you? You would love for the entire world to know how much of a whore you are for my cock.”

“I would. I’m a whore for your cock, please give it to me. I’ve been a good girl.”

Without bothering to warn you, he lined himself up before sinking into you. You both groaned at  the feeling of your tight cunt stretching around his cock. After months of dreaming of what your pink walls would feel like around him, he could confirm that the sensation was much better than anything his imagination had conjured. 

He started with slow thrusts, trying to give himself time to come off the edge he had already been worked up to. Your legs came to wrap around his waist, pulling him closer to you. As soon as you had adjusted to his girth, you began to roll your hips up to meet his.

“Go faster.”

“Uh uh, if you want Daddy to go faster, you have to beg like a proper slut.”

It just slipped out. Jungkook knew he had a daddy kink, but it generally stayed repressed deep within after his wife had shamed him for it. But you didn’t seem to mind. If anything, you squeezed him even tighter.

“Please Daddy, please go faster. Fuck my tight pussy.”

He conceded to your wishes, pulling all the way out, before thrusting back in. He set a tireless pace, pounding into you so hard the bed began to shake. He leaned down, meeting your lips in a sloppy kiss. Your teeth clacked together, but Jungkook didn’t care. He just wanted to be as close to you as possible. 

He pulled away from your lips and his cock twitched at the visual of the string of saliva connecting your mouths. Without him to silence you, your moans mingling with the sound of skin slapping creating a beautiful symphony for Jungkook’s ears. 

He felt himself approach the edge, honing in on his release. Luckily for him, your pussy was tightening around him, signaling that you were close too. 

“Fuck, are you gonna cum for me, baby? Are you gonna come around Daddy’s cock like a good girl?”

“Yes Daddy, I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna-”

Your voice broke off into a high pitched moan as you clenched around him. You threw your head back, hands clawing into his skin. The mix of pain and pleasure sent him over the edge with you. He quickly pulled out before covering your pussy and stomach in white strands. As soon as the waves of ecstasy rescinded, he collapsed on top of you, exhaust claiming his muscles. 

He laid there for a minute before hopping up and heading to the bathroom. When he came back out, warm towel in hand, he found you passed out on the soaked sheets. His heart skipped a beat at your blissed-out face and for a moment he wished he could feel as peaceful as you looked. After making sure you were thoroughly clean, he collapsed on the bed next to you. Sleep was quick to come to him, but not before he took you into his arms, burying his face into the crook of your neck. 

A dam had burst. The two of you went at it like rabbits, he would take you any and every way could, whenever he could. He couldn’t get enough of you. He would take you in the back of the limo, in the elevator, empty conference rooms. It was to the point he was sure the entire company knew of your amorous relations, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. All he thought about was you. Even the fear of disappointing his parents was beginning to diminish. As his feelings for you grew and blossomed, his desire to please anyone else faded into a faint buzz in the background of his mind. You had him whipped. 

He knew things were bad when his five year anniversary with his wife rolled around and he didn’t feel a thing when she told him that she wouldn’t be able to be there due to some book tour. Sure, a little part of him was upset that she didn’t care enough to even try to change the tour dates, but he knew that he didn't have a leg to stand on. In fact, he was rather grateful he wouldn’t have to plan some dinner to celebrate a love that had died long ago.  

When you heard that he was spending his anniversary alone, you had offered him some company. He felt a twinge of guilt about the idea of having sex with a woman that wasn’t his wife on their anniversary, but not enough to stop him from inviting you over. So there you were, in his foyer, with an overnight bag, a bottle of wine, and a smile that could light up the heavens. He grinned back at you, taking the bottle and leading you into the living room. 

“I’ll get us some glasses, yeah?”

“Sure. Do you mind if I change? Work clothes aren’t the most comfortable.”

“Oh, yeah, go ahead. There’s a bathroom down the hall to your left.”

When he returned to the living room with two glasses and a bottle opener, you were curled up on the couch in a tank and shorts. You were flipping through the photography book that he kept on the coffee table. You were so immersed in the pictures that you didn’t notice his presence.

“So whatcha want to do?”

You jumped, startled by the sound of his voice. 

“It’s your anniversary, you should decide.”

He placed the opener and the glasses on the table next to the bottle before taking a seat next to you. 

“I don’t know. How about we just drink and talk for a bit?” he paused, “Maybe that’s stupid.”

“Nope. Nothing about you is stupid.”

There was your damn smile again. Jungkook hated the way his heart pounded faster because of it. He smiled back at you. It only took a few sips of the merlot before Jungkook had begun to relax. He had been drunk around you plenty of times, but there was something about wine that made him want to pour his entire heart out to you. 

He watched as you laughed at your own joke, strands of hair that had fallen loose from your tight ponytail danced on your cheek. The world seemed to slow down a little, time coming to a halt, making the room for him to exist with just you and no one else. It was somewhere in that warm, fuzzy space that the words came tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them. 

“I think I love you.”

Even the air in the room stilled. You stared at him, eyes wide with shock.

“What?”

You looked like a deer in headlights. Jungkook felt like one.

“Nothing. I was just running my mouth. Don’t mind me. Go back to telling me about this dream bakery of yours.”

Much to his chagrin, you didn’t budge, eyes still fixed on his rigid body. Your surprise had evaporated and you were now looking him up and down as if you were trying to analyze his inner thoughts. You both sat frozen for what felt like ages before you moved to kneel in front of him, taking his shaky hands in yours. When you opened your mouth, your voice was soft, caressing his soul.

“I love you too.”

The world stopped in its tracks. Jungkook swore his heart stopped beating in his chest. And then your lips were on his and even though he had kissed you more times than he could count, this felt different. This felt like the collision of two planets, the implosion of a star. Fireworks weren’t enough to describe the cascade of emotions pouring through him. His hands grasped your cheeks, gently caressing the soft skin. You hummed against his mouth as he pushed you back to lie on the couch, while your legs spread to make room for him between your thighs. 

Jungkook swore he felt a tear trickle down his cheek, but he couldn’t tell if it was from you or him. He honestly didn’t care. The woman he had grown to love loved him back. He now knew that you would catch him if he fell. And so he let himself tumble over the precipice he had once been so terrified of.  He could finally admit that your embrace was home and that your arms eyes were the safety he never felt. He loved you. You loved him. The stars had aligned. 

He trailed his kisses away from your lips and to the crook of your neck where he inhaled. You smelled of the remnants of your perfume mixed with your own personal scent. He swore if he breathed it in enough, he would get high off it. Instead, he placed soft kisses on the delicate skin, before taking it in between his teeth, shamelessly marking you. The whole world would know that you belonged to him, almost as much as he belonged to you. 

You moaned as he sucked the bruised skin into his mouth before shifting lower so that his face was right between your breasts. Your flimsy tank top did nothing to stop him from tearing it in two. 

“Jesus, Kook,” you groaned as he took in the sight of your braless chest, bare before him. 

“What? I can buy you all the tank tops you want. I would buy you the whole world.”

And it was true. If that’s what it would take to make you happy, that’s what he would do. Tears glinted in your eyes at his words before Jungkook ripped a moan out of your mouth when he took a nipple in his. He sucked on it before releasing it with a pop. 

“These are the best tits in the world. I love them almost as much as I love you.”

He dove back in taking the neglected breast in his hand, rubbing the nipple. Your hips bucked up into him, desperate for more concrete pleasure than the little he was teasing you with. 

“Slow, baby, I’ll get there. Slow.”

You whined in response, head thrown back against the arm of the couch while Jungkook swirled his tongue over you. Even though he was unbelievably hard in his sweats, he found no motivation to do anything about it, his sole focus on you and your pleasure. 

He moved to kiss down your stomach. When he reached the hem of your shorts, he pulled them off, before moving to kiss over your lace panties. An obvious wet patch marked the center and Jungkook once again took the time to stop and smell you. The aroma overwhelmed him, driving him mad with carnal lust. 

“Fuck baby, your dripping, and I’ve barely touched you yet.” 

“That’s ‘cause you’re taking forever. Please baby, I need you.”

And how could he deny you when you were so sweet and all fucked out, just for him. He pulled your soaked panties to the side, groaning at your soaked, pink lips. He dove in, licking one long striped from the bottom of your cunt up to your clit. You bucked against him desperate for more. 

In response, he wrapped his arms around your thighs, holding you in place. His tongue found your clit, eliciting angelic moans from you while he drew abstract shapes on your bundle of nerves. Your thighs began to quiver in his grip and he smiled against you. The thought of you coming from just his mouth had his dick twitching in excitement. 

“Fuck, Kookie, I’m gonna cum.”

“That’s right baby, cum all over tongue.”

Seconds later, you're soaking his mouth while you writhed in pleasure. But Jungkook didn’t stop. He was too blissed out with his face in your cunt. He would stay like this forever if he could. He pulled one hand away from your thigh, to sneak around to your entrance, a finger slipping inside.

“Oh god, Kook, it’s too much.”

“You can do it, baby. I know you can.”

You looked like you were about to protest before he curled his finger up, hitting your g-spot. You cried out, more slick pouring out of you, if that was possible. He knew that there was a large wet spot staining his ten-thousand-dollar couch, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Slipping another finger in you, he began to flick with his tongue, daring you to come again. It didn’t take long.

“Oh shit, Kook, shit, shit, gonna cum, shit, shit-”

He’s never heard you scream so loud in all the months he’s had the privilege of giving you orgasms. Before he could properly register what was happening, you were squirting all over him. Your hips bucked out of your control as you painted his face with your orgasm. Jungkook swore that if he had any less self-control, he would’ve come all over in his pants. 

As you came down from your high, Jungkook scooped you up, carrying you to the bedroom. He laid you gently on the bed, giving you a few moments to recover as he stripped himself of his own clothes. You sat up, watching him closely as he slowly revealed himself to you. He was well built, he knew that, but you often told him how much you appreciated his muscles, as if the way you kissed and bit his abs weren’t enough of a clue. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t started working out more just to please you. 

But he also knew that he could never step foot in a gym again and you would still love him just as much. That was the difference between you and his wife. You loved him without condition, without the need for him to be someone he wasn’t. His wife had fallen in love with only one version of him, a version that no longer existed. 

He joined you on the bed, crawling up between your legs, giving you a soft kiss when he reached your lips. You fell back on the pillows letting him take in your face, your body, you. He bucked up against you, tip rubbing your clit and you let out simultaneous moans. 

Just when he was about to slip into you, his phone rang on the bedside table. He groaned, lifting himself up to see who dared to call him when he was about to have sex with the love of his life. A flash of guilt rushed through him when he saw his wife’s name light up the screen. Of course it was her. Despite everything, this was a woman who would keep up appearances until her dying breath. And here he was, about to have sex with another woman in their shared bed. He sighed, swiping to ignore the call, before tossing it back on the table. 

This time, he didn’t wait to enter you, thrusting in immediately. He groaned at the feeling of your soft walls encapsulating him. Ever since the first time you had had sex, he had always made sure to use a condom, but he couldn’t bring himself to care that he wasn’t using one now. Being inside you without the extra barrier felt so intrinsically right. In fact, part of him was excited about the idea of going raw and risking getting you pregnant. 

“You wanna get me pregnant?”

Your voice was soft and curious. He stilled inside of you, 

“Umm…?”

His voice trailed off as he tried to come up with a reasonable response. His brain failed him. 

“It’s okay if you do. It’s kinda hot actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t mind having your kid.”

Jungkook couldn’t help the moan that fell out of his mouth. He thrust softly in you. So many hormones were flooding his brain that he could barely focus on what was happening. 

“Well, then I guess it’s my duty to make sure you’re nice and pregnant for me by the end of the night.”

“Yeah, Kookie,” you whined, “give it to me. Want you to cum in me. Want your baby.”

The two of you met in a messy kiss as Jungkook pounded into you, balls slapping your ass. Desperation flooded him, determination to knock you up with his child overriding every other need. He’d never had the desire to get someone pregnant like this before. There was something about you that pulled at all his primal instincts. 

You were tightening again, your moans drowning out the sound of skin slapping accentuated by Jungkook’s own grunts. Jungkook himself wasn’t too far from finishing himself, having been on edge since you squirted all over him. 

“Fuck baby,” you moaned, “you fuck me so well.”

“Yeah. Are you gonna cum for me? Are you gonna cum so that I can get you pregnant?”

“Yes, fuck, I love yo-” 

Your voice faded into a scream as tears rolled down your cheeks as you came for the third time that night. The look on your face triggered Jungkook’s own orgasm. He roared as jets of white cum covered your inner walls. His hips stuttered as he chanted your name. Your legs were wrapped tightly around his waist, holding him deep within you. 

He rolled over without pulling out, keeping you tight in his arms.

“Mmm,” you hummed, “hope that did the trick.”

“Yeah? Me too,” he smiled. 

You grinned back.

“Are you not gonna pull out?”

“We gotta keep my cum in you so we make sure it does the trick.”

“Okay,” you chuckled.

“What?”

He pouted.

“You’re just cute.”

“I’m not cute.”

“Sure...”

He giggled when you rolled your eyes, pressing a peck on your lips. The two of you stayed like that for the rest of the night, wrapped in each other's arms, talking until sleep carried you off into dreamland. 

Jungkook woke the next morning before you. He took a moment to admire your face, not believing that you were really all his. He softly kissed your forehead before wiggling his way out of your embrace. 

He quietly slipped on a tee and some sweats before making his way to the kitchen where he put on a pot of coffee. While he waited, he checked his phone, expecting to find a voicemail from his wife. He was surprised to find none. He opened the phone app and his stomach dropped. There at the top of his recent calls was a twenty-minute call with her. He must have accidentally answered it. She must have heard everything. Anxiety crept up on him as he began to pace the white kitchen floor. Before he knew what he was doing, the phone was dialing. 

“Hello?”

Her voice was groggy.

“Hi.”

His voice quivered. 

“What do you want Jungkook?”

“Oh, umm, I’m sorry I guess,” his voice is quiet, “For what you heard.”

“You mean listening to you moan about how you wanted to get your secretary pregnant?”

He cringed at her dripping sarcasm. 

“Yeah. That.”

“Don’t be.”

“What?”

“Don’t be sorry. I don’t care.”

“You don’t?”

“Jungkook,” she sighed, “I think we both knew something like this was going to happen.”

“Yeah, I guess. But that doesn’t mean that it was okay for me to cheat on you.”

“That’s true.”

They both stay silent for a minute, letting it all sink in. 

“I suppose that means this is the end of the road for us then, huh?”

“Yeah, it is. But it’s okay. We weren’t meant to be. All things being said, you sound like you really love her.”

“I do, I really do.”

“And if I’m being honest, I’ve kinda had a thing for my editor for a while.”

“Seokjin?”

He was honestly surprised that he remembered his name.

“Yeah.”

They both laughed. 

“We’ll talk when you get back, yeah?”

“Yeah. Goodbye, Jungkook.”

“Goodbye.”

He hung up before leaning against the counter, throwing his head back to look at the ceiling. A breath of relief escaped as all the weight he had been carrying for so long fell from his shoulders. It was over. His dead marriage was finished and now he had the rest of his life to love you. He laughed giddily before running to wake you up and tell you the news. 

Six months later, he’s on a beach in Jamaica, trying to take a picture of you without you noticing. He’s almost successful, your nose is buried too deep in a paperback you had propped up on your pregnant stomach, but you looked up when you heard the shutter click.

“Jungkook,” you groaned, “I told you not to take pictures of me.”

“I’m sorry, baby, I can’t help it. You're too sexy carrying my baby.”

You rolled your eyes behind your shades.

“Whatever. As long as no one else sees them.”

“Of course, baby. I’m keeping you all to myself.”

You grinned before turning back to your book.

A month after his conversation with his now ex-wife, their divorce had been finalized. He’d simultaneously quit his job as CEO, unafraid of disappointing anyone else at the expense of his happiness. He had made more than enough money to support the two, soon to be three, of you for the rest of your life. Together, you had moved to Jamaica, where you were working on opening a bakery and he had begun a fairly successful photography business. And in three months, the two of you would welcome a beautiful baby girl into the world.

He sighed, overly content with his life. He glanced down to your hand to spot the sparkling diamond on your ring finger. A month ago, he had taken you out on a boat ride where he had asked you to be his wife. You had eagerly accepted. 

Now he was blissed out in that island paradise he had dreamed about all those months ago. His stress levels were an all-time low. And, sure, maybe his parents weren’t that happy with him, (all though his mother was over the moon when he announced the impending arrival of a grandchild, finally), but whenever he woke in the morning with you by his side, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. You were his whole world, and he wouldn’t give that up for anything. 

masterlist

[wolfs-hunt1]

Wolf Kisses 4

Pairing: Stucky x Shapeshifter reader

Word count: 985

Warnings: mensions of depression(barelly there), sorry for any typo.

A/N: Smaller chapter, but i prefer to post smaller ones than not post anything at all. Also made this Moodboard for the fic, hope you all like it.

Tag lis is OPEN

— — — — —

Part 3

You reached the tower's upper levels almost without noticing you were already at the tower, your mind lost in itself the entire way. The living space was deserted, and there was no sound coming from anywhere to let you know where everyone was.

That was weird. From the small amount of time you had been living here, you knew there was always loud sounds or music coming from the speakers in the rooms, but now it was like no one lived there whatsoever.

You tried to use your supernatural hearing to locate anyone but to no avail. There really was no one on the upper floors of the tower. You were alone.

You approached the floor to ceiling windows and stared out to the city beneath you. The sun was shining on the glass windows, creating a bright beacon that blinded you whenever you looked at it. You sat on the soft carpet, leaning on the cold window.

If they had left already for a mission, they would stay out for a long time, and depending on the classification of the mission, it could be hard, or even impossible to contact them, so you would have the place entirely to yourself for a few days at least.

You breathed in deeply while you sat there, in the silence of the ample space, soaking in the sun that was shining through the windows. You spent the majority of your life alone, you were used to it, so why did your chest tightened when you looked around you and saw the empty room? Why did you felt so alone, so…. abandoned?

--- --- --- --- ---

It was late at night when Sam and Natasha walked into the kitchen, bringing some pizza boxes with them. "Hello, (Y/N)." Sam said cheerfully, opening the fridge and taking out the water to pour himself a cup. "How have u been?"

"I went to the park in the morning, get some fresh air." you said lowly, the depressive thoughts that had been running through your head all afternoon all but gone when they waked in and somewhat assuaged your worries.

"Sorry for leaving you alone all day, we had some stuff to take care of outside the tower, and some of the team went out for a mission. But we brought pizza." Natasha was opening the pizza boxes to get a slice out to take a bite.

"And Tony should be getting back in a bit, so we can do game night today still." since you got to the tower you had found out they had game night at least once a week, once they were all in the tower between missions, to let out some steam and get away from all the missions and fighting.

"When will they return?" you busy yourself with helping them set the table and watch Sam set out the games for tonight, taking his favorite pieces out of each so as not to lose it to anyone else. Bucky had the habit of taking Sam's favorite pieces first just to mess with him, and despite the fact of him not being here it seems that Sam is just so used to doing it he might have not noticed he did it once again.

Tony returned with Pepper, and all of you spent the night chatting while eating, ending up talking until so late that you only played a few rounds of monopoly before Tony and Pepper going to bed, and then eventually Sam and Natasha left too, leaving you to gaze out the window before deciding to go to sleep and rest up.

You were halfway to your room when you suddenly stopped in your tracks and turned around completely, going to Bucky's and Steve's room, to sleep there instead. You opened the door and walked inside the darkened room, walking slowly through the opened space up to where their bed was. Their heady scent permeated the air and made you calm down a bit, but you still felt off.

So you walked to their dresser and pulled out a pair of Bucky's grey sweatpants and one of Steve's white shirts and put them on, the air in the room was cold, making goosebumps bloom all over your skin while you were getting ready for bed, but once the clothed where on you you ran up to the bed, and pulled the covers over you as fast as you could, letting the warm comforter keep the cold outside.

You nestled on one of the pillows and pulled the covers snugly against you, to pretend that they had their warm bodies pressed to yours, that didn't seem to work all that well, but it helped in calming down your heavy breathing and rapid heart, the remnants of the beginning of a panic attack leaving a sour taste in your mouth, still worried about them going out on this mission, despite the comfort of their smell surrounding you.

Sleep didn't come easy that night, or the next ones after that. It kept eluding you, always in the corner of your mind, vanishing once you got close enough, making you chase it until the first sun lights broke over the horizon.

They were radio silent, and that meant you had no idea where they were or if they were still alive, the only thing you knew, was that you knew nothing at all. The others couldn't tell you anything about their mission, and after only getting silence for an answer you decided to retreat once again to their room and stay there, only leaving occasionally to go to the common kitchen and get something to eat.

The hours dragged on, and the days blended in on themselves, making every waking moment feel like torture. Your heavy heart constantly constricting whenever the rest of the team got news, but sinking into the pit of your stomach when they couldn't discuss them with you.

Part 5

Tags: @hidden-treasures21 @jelly-fishy-babie @thedarkplume @fallenoutofrose @animegirlgeeky @salveangeli @lokilokilokilokilokiloki @artemis629 @buckysknifecollection @glimmering-darling-dolly @ rebekahdawkins @amiets2  @tite-rose @ animegirlgeeky  @moonlit-stardust  @bekindtourself

[hollanderfangirl]

Let me go |Harry Holland|

Pairing: Harry Holland x Therapist! Reader

A/N: so I'm not a therapist and I've never been to therapy, well if you don't consider the sessions with my psychology teacher. All of what I've written comes from what I've learnt in psychology class, reading books and listening to other people's experiences.

Warnings: talk about death, panic attack and it's just really sad

Word count: 3.3k, this is my longest fic yet :)

(Sorry for the shitty moodboard I just had to post this fic or I would have lost my mind)

Harry Holland walked through the halls of the clinic, not really sure why he was here. Well he knew why he had come to see a therapist but he wondered how he put himself in this situation. He had been locking himself inside a glass cave built out of hopelessness for months, his friends and family were greatly concerned about him but he refused to take any help. He had always been stubborn, he never asked for anybody's help. He hated the look of pity on people's faces. He hated people showing him sympathy. He was more than this. He didn't need anybody. He can pull himself together, he just needed time.

But it wasn't helping. Burying your feelings in has never helped anybody. Putting on a smile everyday in front of people and crying himself to sleep, Harry found it more and more difficult. His mum had sensed it and told him to go and see a doctor. He had resisted it at first. 

"Please do it for me, Harry. I cannot see you like this, at least for my satisfaction," Nikki had said. "Just go for a trial session and if you like it then you can continue," but of course he wasn't going to continue. 

Now as he stood in front of the receptionist, he was reconsidering his decision. 

"Yes, do you have an appointment, sir?" 

"Huh?" he seemed lost. "Yeah..yeah" 

"Just wait here, I'll inform Dr Y/l/n" 

"Your know what, cancel the appointment. I- I don't need help" 

"Oh but this is just a trial, Mr Holland" 

"Yeah but I don't-" the receptionist was already at the door, muttering something to the woman inside. 

You step outside to see a curly headed man, he looked pleasant but his eyes looked sad. Those were the eyes of a person who had seen immense grief, someone who had been miserable for a long long time. 

"I'm sorry but I don't need therapy… I didn't realise this before, I -I shouldn't have come here" 

"Oh Mr Holland, this is just a trial right? Let's just have some coffee. This isn't therapy yet" you smile at him. 

"No I really-" 

"Okay then, give me half an hour. If you still feel the same way, then you can leave. Half an hour is all I want from you, Mr Holland" 

"Alright" 

You lead him into your chamber, closing the door behind you. He sits down on a couch across from you, your desk separating you both. The first step of therapy- resistance. People always resist therapy at first, they feel like they don't need the help or maybe seeking help makes them weak. They don't feel like opening up to a complete stranger. How can they? How can they open up their most vulnerable state to a person who they barely know? But slowly and steadily, a rapport is made. A therapist has to be very careful and empathetic. They have to be trusting. Someone who people can turn to. Someone who they can relate to. Someone who understands them. Someone who would just listen. 

"So, your mother sent you here. Right, Mr Holland?" 

"Just- just call me Harry" 

"Okay then Harry, tell me" 

"What do you want me to tell you?" 

"Everything. Start from the beginning" 

"Well I- do you… do you really think I would-" he hesitates. "Who do you think you are? Why do you think I should pay you to listen to my goddamn life story here?" 

"You're not here to tell me your life story," you say politely. "I'm here to help you and I can do that only if you would let me" 

"Well guess what? You cannot help me, I knew I was wasting my time," he gets up and starts to walk away. 

"I asked for half an hour of your time, Harry" 

"Well I don't fucking care" 

"Harry, please listen to me. All I ask is half an hour" 

Little did he know, this half an hour was going to change his life. 

Something about your tone made him stay. He sat back down on the couch, turning away from you. 

"Okay, so if you're not going to talk, I will," you sigh. "So, you have suffered a great loss, someone you loved dearly?" 

"Yes," he still didn't look you in the eye. 

"Who was it?" 

"My…my friend. Girlfriend" 

"And when did this happen?" 

"A year ago" 

"How have you been holding up?" 

He thought of giving another vague answer. How the fuck do you think I'm holding up? I'm fucking dying every single day. 

"Uh- it's been a little better, I guess. It's not as bad as it used to be" 

"Well that's a start. And do you still think about her?" 

Every goddamn minute, lady. What do you want from me? "Yeah sometimes" 

"And how have you been sleeping?" 

I can't sleep. I haven't slept properly for months. If I sleep I see her coming back to me. "Alright I guess" 

This wasn't going anywhere. You thought of recommending him another doctor but something about him charmed you. He was a man who should have been living a great life but his grief was tearing him apart. You had to help him. You felt a strong connection to him, you felt determined. No, I have to help him. I just have to.

"Harry, do you feel like you're responsible for your girlfriend's death?" it was a straightforward question, you had been trying to get something out of him but he wasn't ready to. 

He looked at you dead in the eye, yet could not get any words out. You could sense the anger building up inside him but it wasn't projected at you, he was angry with himself. 

"I….. " he took a few deep breaths, clenching his hands into fists. "Yes" 

"Why is that so?" 

"Fucking hell! Are you for real? She died, okay? And I wasn't there… I wasn't there.. " he was tearing up. "I should have been the one to die! Not her! Not anybody! Everyone just leaves me in the end!" he was full on shouting, letting out everything he had been holding inside himself for a whole year. He had tears in his eyes.

You handed him a box of tissues and he was gasping for breath. When he had calmed down, you both sat in silence for a few minutes. 

"You know, Harry, my friend died the day we had a fight. She was my best friend. I knew her ever since we were three. It was a silly argument. We should not have fought about it. But we did and I told her I wished she would just go away… and then she did" it was painful for you to remember this, but time does heal everything. 

"I'm sorry," his voice was low. "And I'm sorry for all those things I said" 

"No it's alright, that's what you're here for. And besides, it's nothing compared to your loss, Harry" 

"No. It- it's not a competition. Suffering is not a competition. It must've been really hard for you, Dr y/l/n," this was the first time he had addressed you. 

"Call me y/n," you smile at him. "And yeah that's very true. We often blame ourselves, you know, it's very common. We cannot be angry at them so we get angry with ourselves. Even though we know deep in our hearts that there was nothing we could have done" 

There was a long silence. 

"She went out for a drive, that bastard drunk driver," he spoke up. "And I was just resting. She asked me so many times to join her but I wanted to sleep" 

You nod at him and he continued. "That's…the reason I'm not able to sleep. Every night I close my eyes, I think I'll wake up to that phone call" 

"Well yes I don't blame you, our brains sometimes don't process things that come as a shock. And then it just keeps on haunting us forever. Do you believe in life after death, Harry?" 

"Well I don't know what to believe" 

"Have you- felt her? After she was gone?" 

"You'll think I'm crazy" 

"I'm a therapist, it'll take you much more than that to convince me you're crazy" 

"I sometimes talk to her. Like what would she think about this particular situation. Or just that I miss her so much. I don't get any responses but I just try to think like her?" 

"Yeah, that's quite normal actually. People think they need to 'get over' someone's death. But that's not true. You can never really get over something like death" 

"And what does getting over even mean? Like you just forget them? Moving on with your life just means that you think they were never a part of it" 

"Well you're both right and wrong. Yes we must remember our loved ones who are not with us anymore but at the same time, we have to let them go" 

"How? It's too painful" 

"I know. But do you believe in the concept of souls, Harry?" 

"Yeah I mean," he shrugs. 

"The soul is considered to be immortal. And groups of souls tend to travel together. Even if you don't know it, some way, somehow, they're always with us" 

He says nothing but his eyes looked softer now. 

"And just think about it, think of her seeing you like this. Do you think she could have handled you being so miserable?" 

"She would have been heartbroken" 

"Exactly. So do it for her, for yourself. For both of you to feel peace again" 

"Yeah" 

You look at your watch. Half an hour was up. 

"So, Harry. Your half an hour is up. Is there anything else?" 

"Yes, um we can talk about it in our next session?" 

You smile at him. "Of course" 

                          ----------------

After that one half an hour session, Harry was a changed man. He was still mourning, he was still miserable but he had hope. For the first time in a long time, he thought he could actually go on with his life, he could finally feel peace.

The week went by smoothly. Harry tried to make himself busy, by surrounding himself with people and always working. He was still getting nightmares but he was determined to sleep. He was sleeping light, afraid of what deep sleep might show him.

Meanwhile your life was exactly the same, you went on with your day treating people, talking, helping them. You loved your job, you loved the sense of satisfaction you got after patients they told you they were finally better. Every person was a challenge, and you knew there was a gem hidden inside every one of them. All of them had immense potential but life hadn't been kind to them. You felt disturbed and it broke your heart to see people hurting. And you would do anything to make it better for them. To help them.

You couldn’t keep Harry out of your mind. You were thinking about him all day long, awaiting your next session with him. What if he cancels? What can I do if he does? Why am I thinking about him? He had this air around him, a magnetic pull, which was pulling your closer and closer towards him. And why is he so damn attractive? No I should not think about him that way. It was the first and foremost rule of your profession. Never get emotionally attached with your clients. It was a professional relationship and must remain that way.

When he came into your office the following week, you could sense the change in him. You felt proud that a single session made such a difference. There was no arrogance in him, he didn’t seem angry anymore. He was calm and better.

“So, Harry. How was your week?”

“It was good, I’ve been shooting my new short film and it’s coming out to be okay so far”

“Alright and how have you been sleeping?”

“Not that good to be honest. I still get dreams, uh bad dreams”

“What do you see in these dreams?”

“I see the accident scene….again and again, it’s the same dream. Sometimes I see her, she talks to me and all that”

“Hmm and have you talked to your family? Your friends?”

“Yeah I talked to my mum…and my brother”

“What did they say?”

“They said they are here for me and will always love me”

“Yes and I don’t doubt that, Harry. You have a lot of people in your life who love and support you. Embrace that”

The session went by smoothly, he opened up to you about his life, everything about the girl he loved so much. About his family, his career. You found yourself staring at him, taking glances at his hands which he constantly moved while he talked. You noticed he was shaking his leg the whole time. Stop staring, y/n.

Wow she’s so beautiful. And thoughtful. And funny and understanding. What am I doing? She’s my therapist….but…why couldn’t I have met her before? Why didn’t I meet her when I was normal? Would things have been different? But then again, I would have never met her if I was normal.

Things seemed to get better, as the weeks progressed, Harry was becoming more and more like his old self again. But there was a feeling of regret, he thought this was wrong as if he were forgetting her. But you were there to guide him, to tell him that this is what life is. It never stops. No matter what happens, you will heal. Someday, sometime. And each day we progress towards it.

And then it happened. The call came at 1 am in the morning. You were sleeping and you were tired, you had been working all day and just needed some rest. You wouldn't have picked the call up but something told you it was important. That you should pick it up.

“Hello?” you yawn.

You just hear muffled breathing for a few seconds.

“Hello? Who is it?”

“It…it’s me…Harry”

“Harry, what’s wrong?” you thought what could have happened at this time of the night.

“I just- can you-” he sounded like he was choking.

“Harry what’s wrong, you’re scaring me”

“I… can’t… breathe,” you hear him sobbing. ”I had… that… dream, I feel like I’m…going to…die”

“Harry, listen to me. You will be okay. Yeah? Just take deep breaths and sit tight. I’m coming to you”

You search through his file to look for his address. When you find it, you rush through the front door and drive to his house. You were on the phone with him the whole drive.

“Just keep breathing, Harry. Deep breaths, okay?”

To your surprise, the front door was unlocked. It looked like he had gone out into the street in the middle of the night. You search through rooms to find him, and you see him curled into a ball at the corner of a king size bed. You touch his shoulder and he flinches.

“Hey, hey it’s just me. It’s alright”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know who else to call,” he was crying, with the tears streaming down his cheeks, his eyes looked small and they looked red from the lack of sleep and of tears.

“It’s alright, Harry. Just come here, it’ll be alright,” you pull him towards yourself him and he buries his face into your chest and you held him, stroking his hair and telling him it will be alright.

“That’s it. Let it out, Harry. It’s okay to cry”

You both stayed like that for another 15 minutes. He couldn’t stop crying and you knew he needed that. He had been holding everything in for so long and it just came out like an explosion tonight. You wiped his tears and made him meditate for a few minutes.

He fell asleep and you stayed up all night, looking at him. He looked so innocent while he slept, and cute too, you thought hiding a blush, even though nobody was there to look at you.

That night, Harry finally felt at peace. He was finally able to sleep. He had no nightmares, just a peaceful dream. He saw his girlfriend, running away from him in a white dress with her hair flowing in the wind.

Please don’t leave me, darling. I love you.

I know you do Harry, but you must let me go. I will always be with you. I will always love you. It is time you start caring about yourself, you must let me go. It is time.

No! don’t leave me!

And he woke up. Something about this dream told him that she was right. It was time. He was finally ready to let her go. For both of their sakes.

He went down to find you sleeping on the couch. He was hesitant at his thoughts but deep down he knew he was falling for you. Am I just using her to cope with my loss? Or do I really love her?

You opened your eyes, looking at Harry sitting on the ground, pushing a strand of hair away from your face.

“Good morning, how did you sleep?”

“Better. Really really better. I- I don’t know how to thank you, y/n and I’m so sorry”

“Hey it’s alright, and I’m glad I could help,” you smile. “I should go now, I have to get to work”

“Let me make breakfast and let me drive you to your house”

“Oh no it’s okay I can-”

“I owe this much to you, y/n. Let me”

“Okay”

                              -----------------

It wasn’t until another week when Harry had his next session. You had been thinking about him all the time, you were confused, it wasn’t supposed to go this way. But he….who am I kidding I’m in love with him.

When he walked through the door on a Thursday morning next week, he looked healthy and happier than ever. You felt a sense of happiness yourself, therapy is always beneficial to both the patient and the therapist. Every person is a deep universe, their thoughts, experiences, pain, joy, everything. Empathising with clients is a great learning experience, it becomes a part your personality. It becomes a part of you.

“Hey y/n”

“Hi Harry”

“So my week as been as it’s always and I’ve been feeling a lot better ever since that day…and that dream” he had told you about the dream he had the night you watched him sleep. He seemed to completely change after that, he let go of the intense emotions he had been carrying around.

“That’s very good and you’ve made a lot of progress since our first meeting”

“Yeah…I have”

The session went on as usual, he talked about everything that happened, he started fighting with his brothers again, which he hadn’t done in a long time and even though they were pissed off at him, they were happy to have him back.

“Um Harry,” you say at the end of the session. “I think-” you try to choose your words correctly. “I think it’s about time you start seeing another therapist, yeah?”

You see his face drop. “wh-why? I’m doing so much better, is..is it because of that night? I’m so sorry y/n”

“No it’s not that. You and I both know what’s happening between us, it’s wrong for a therapist to get emotionally attached with her patient. I’m sorry, Harry”

“So you’re saying that you’re becoming emotionally attached with me?”

“I..I’m-“

“It’s alright. I understand y/n”

“Yes, thank you. This has been great”

“So… now that you’re not my therapist, can I meet you for coffee this evening?”

“Harry-“

“Half an hour, Dr y/l/n. Just give me half an hour of your time, if you still feel the same way, I’ll never bother you again”

“Uh-" you hesitate. You knew you should have said no. You were going to say no. Yet the words which came out of your mouth were “Okay then, it’s a date”

--------------

Taglist:

@mischiefmanaged011 @notsosmexy @perspectiveparker @justanothermarvelmaniac @amorhollands @thisetaernallove @halfblood-princess-505 @spidey-reids-2003 @peterspideysstuff @musicalkeys @theliterarymess @ilarbu @hollands-weasley @tombob2005 @tommysparker @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @parkerpeter24 @more-like-reyna @hollandbroz-n-haz @aqiise

[steverogersbingo]

✨ STEVE ROGER BINGO’S ROUND UP - POST 1 ✨

Check out the fills our participants posted from the first month under the cut!

🎨 ART

heaven isn't in the sky (it's underwater) by agron T // Steve/Tony // Mermaids Summary: when steve went underwater he was discovered by three mermaid tony stark instead

Untitled by ABrighterDarkness G // Steve/Bucky // Alpine Summary: Steve and Bucky get distracted, Alpine enjoys every minute.

Space Stone by AriaFandom G // Gen // Moodboard Summary: Galaxy aesthetic for the space stone

Untitled by sanguineterrain G // Gen Summary: Magical, canon-divergent Steve

Untitled by call-me-kayyyyy G // Steve/Bucky // AU; Fantasy; Loin-cloths Summary: Steve and Bucky are elf's who ride their unicorns to check the perimeter.

Steve Rogers becomes Cernunnos by pinkybitesu T // Gen // AU Summary: Steve had always felt connected to the Earth. Becoming the God of the Forest, Cernunnos, made it all make sense.

"That Is America's Ass." by bleedxblack T // Steve/Bucky Summary: Steve Rogers straddles Bucky's waist with booty shorts that read "it ain't gonna spank himself".

📝 FIC

Clean Up These Bloody Fists by dontcallmebree E // 8,657 // Steve/Bucky // Shrunkyclunks; Mob AU Summary: Bucky can’t decide if Steve’s unendingly generous with his care for those around him, or if Bucky’s simply been lucky enough to scale the wall built up over decades, and had somehow proven himself worthy of the affection. Either way, he knows he’ll never take this for granted. Spend some time with Steve and Bucky this week in the perpetually fluffy ‘verse of Do The Things You Never Showed Nobody.

Scars by Kimberly T // 1,888 // Steve/Bucky // Post-CATWS Summary: The serum means that Steve can't scar anymore, though he's retained his pre-existing scarring. While in the hospital recovering from the fight on the helicarrier, Steve does a little introspection about this. It's bittersweet.

Without Regret by ABrighterDarkness E // 5,284 // Steve/Thor Summary: It had been a very long time since Steve had last felt like this. There was a buzz in his mind and tingling through his body. His movements were just slightly slower, clumsier and his were words spoken a little more loosely with a tongue that felt more weighty than it ought to. Even that, though, felt different than the last time that he’d had the opportunity to overindulge with a friend.

Love and Learning by ABrighterDarkness T // 7,746 // Steve/Natasha Summary: It reminded him, a little bit, of stepping into a machine seeing everything in varying shades of grey. Only to stumble out again into a world of color more vibrant than anything he could have possibly imagined. Overwhelming but entirely breathtaking and welcome.

Good by hawkeyeandthewintersoldier T // 1,062 // Steve/Bucky/Tony Summary: Steve returns to the compound and finds that the two men he loves, but never told his feelings to, are a couple now.

Lie to Me by Kit T // 2,102 // Steve/Bucky // Body Swap Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Steve and Natasha end up trapped in the others body. Instead of telling everybody, they make a bet. Who will be able to conceal their identity the longest?

Dream a Little Dream of Me by buckybleeds E // 5,719 // Steve/Bucky // Dub-con; Self-cest Summary: Steve goes back in time to comfort himself after Bucky fell and ends up having sex with himself. 

Pride by Kit T // 1,726 // Steve/Bucky Summary: Tony wants to take Steve to pride to watch him freak out. Natasha tags along to do damage control.

Take Care of You by hawkeyeandthewintersoldier M // 1,756 // Steve/Bucky // Daddy Kink; Age Difference; AU Summary: Steve has been so busy with his work as a commander at shield lately, that he has barely had time for his partner Bucky. Bucky’s worried his Daddy might not want him anymore and Steve has to rectify this by showing how much he loves his baby.

Love Has Left a Printed Trace by Girl_Back_There E // 1,726 // Steve/Bucky // Vampires; Dub-con Summary: Steve is obsessed with finding a mysterious figure named Winter in paintings throughout the years. James is a Vampire named Winter charged with keeping Vampires a secret from humanity.

with the weight of the world at the tips of my fingers by avintagekiss24 E // 4,420 // Steve/Reader // AU Summary: You and Steve share a morning in bed.

Always You by hawkeyeandthewintersoldier M // 1,691 // Steve/Bucky // AU Summary: After a year of traveling, Steve finally comes home and confesses his feelings to Bucky.

Stop the World by Rex E // 6,828 // Steve/Scott // AU Summary: When Steve got hired to entertain at Cassie Lang's thirteenth birthday party, he had thought it was going to be like every other kid's party he'd booked. He'd show up, play Captain America, get paid, and go home. He never quite gets to that last step, but to be fair, there was no way he could have anticipated the draw of Scott Lang.

Always by Rex G // 437 // Steve/Matt Murdock // Canon Divergence Summary: Even the Devil of Hell's Kitchen needs an angel from time to time. This one just happens to be from Brooklyn.

Glass by Rex M // 859 // Gen // Non-graphic torture; Implied non-con; Referenced suicide Summary: "We'll lose." "Then we'll do that together, too." Sokovia crashed, Ultron won, and he always had hated Tony the most.

We are already home by Bitters E // 4,948 // Steve/Bucky Summary: Steve carries an injured Bucky through a portal into…somewhere else? But they’re together, like they always have been, and that’s all that matters.

end of the line, time to go home. by moonythejedi394 M // 3,484 // Steve/Bucky // Canon Divergence; Daddy Kink; Age Play/Regression Summary: Steve and Bucky always said they were together 'til the end of the line. But even they have to get off the train eventually. Everybody always figures, at the end of the line is... Y'know. The End. But actually, at the end of the line is happily ever after. It just took them a few decades and a couple suitcases of trauma to get there.

Not Technically A Bromance by dontcallmebree M // 8,657 // Steve/Bucky Summary: “A bromance?” Bruce asks, voice tinged with restrained laughter. “Yeah, we have one of those.” Steve glowers at Bruce, who’s patently laughing at him, eyes bright and twinkling with mirth. Bruce composes himself, biting at his bottom lip. “And you’ve had sex how many times?” (Inspired by that tweet, you know the one.)

At the Top of My Lungs by ralsbecket T // 1,646 // Steve/Tony Summary: Two months had passed since Tony had lost his life; since they had laid him to rest six feet under. It was two months of trying to keep his world from further falling apart, and it wasn’t really working in his favor. So, no. No, he wasn’t okay.

Thor’s Art Class for the Heroes of Midgard by WinterSabbath T // 6,338 // Steve/Bucky // Canon Divergence Summary: In which Thor makes it his mission to help mend the broken, cold relationship between Steven and James through the only way he can think of: Art class. As a bonus, he also helps the team loosen up.

So Let It Happen by Bitters E // 2,287 // Steve/Bucky // Canon Divergence Summary: Steve comes home from a tough mission and needs to get out of his head. His husband and retired Avenger is only too happy to help him with this.

Made of Glass (The Way You See Through Me) by ralsbecket T // 1,132 // Steve/Tony // AU Summary: Steve wasn’t sure what came over him when the model walked out from the back room, wearing a robe; from the moment his eyes landed on his face, he was just… awestruck. Dark hair, bright eyes, full lips. He was fucking beautiful. Or, the one where Tony is the model in Steve's life-drawing class.

for your cooperation by xceru E // 3,145 // Steve/Nat // Canon Divergence Summary: Hydra kidnaps Natasha on a routine mission in Cairo. When Steve finds her, Natasha decides that it's his turn to play prisoner.

my heart in the still winter air by xceru E // 11,887 // Steve/Bucky/Nat // Canon Divergence Summary: “He will,” Steve says, and suddenly Natasha understands. This is the man that Steve altered his heart for, the one he thought only the serum could love. But now Steve knows better—he knows he’s bisexual—he knows his love is real, and the man that it belongs to is undead.

Won't Let Go by afalsebravado E // 2,358 // Steve/Bucky // Canon Divergence Summary: Steve is on the hunt for the Winter Sold-- Bucky. He's on the hunt for Bucky when the leads dry up and he heads home to regroup. But a package from Tony Stark arrives on his doorstep and makes him re-evaluate old promises.

The Truth of Who I Am by hawkeyeandthewintersoldier T // 1,203 // Steve/Bucky // Canon Divergence Summary: Steve Rogers is not a cis straight man and he is tired of people erasing that and other parts of his identity so he fits into the image they already had of him.

Bruise of a Rose by marvelousmoons G // 1,710 // Steve/Bucky // Canon Divergence Summary: It’s moments like this that get under his skin the most. The way Steve can just… be Steve. Be dramatic and give Bucky the cold shoulder for simply caring. But Bucky was stronger. He could play Steve’s game. He wouldn’t cave, no. He would sit and wait for the silence to overwhelm Steve first.

... And all I got was this lousy t-shirt by RainbowNerds M // 3,126 // Steve/Bucky // AU Summary: A month ago, Steve had the best sex of his life with a guy he met in a bar, and went home with the most hideous shirt he'd ever seen but no phone number. Enter his new roommate, Becca. The two instances are not connected, right?

Love you too, jerk by WinterRaven G // 636 // Steve/Bucky // Canon Divergence; Fanart included Summary: Steve makes breakfast for Bucky and their 'kids' help him wake up his husband.

[sp00kymulderr]

The smoke's the ghost that keeps you close (Javier Peña x Reader)

Warnings: Angst, emotions, mentions of smoking, reader is a smoker, a couple swears, mention of blood, sad!Javi, i don’t know it’s just sad.

Pairing: Javier Peña x Reader

Word Count: 2,043

Request: Prompt - A desperate yearning to run away, to leave everything behind. Requested by @javierpenaspinkshirt​  a long, long time ago. 

A/N: Reminder I am not good at following prompts. Should probably point out that I have no idea when this is set within the Narcos timeline so please don’t think about that. Beautiful moodboard below by the ever talented @huliabitch​.

It’s one of those cold Colombian nights, a chill in the air coming earlier than usual. The park is quiet at this time of night, especially with the cooler weather, so it’s easy to spot him sitting on the bench alone awaiting your arrival.

In silence, you sit besides him and he offers you the cigarette that had been pursed between his lips. You accept and take a long drag from it, inhaling deep and blowing out a puff of smoke that surrounds you for a moment. It’s difficult not to get in to the habit, working with the people you do. With him especially.

“I wasn’t sure you were going to show tonight” he mutters, taking the cigarette back. How many of those had you watched him smoke, rapt with his every movement? Even before the two of you had started this, you had always found some odd solace in this constant. He had told you once he thought about quitting, but how could he exist without the comforting smell of tobacco following everywhere he went? The familiar scent made it easier to feel like you were with him, when you couldn’t be, that’s probably why you hadn’t quit.

“I needed the walk” you tell him simply, pulling your coat tighter around you as a cool breeze passes through the trees surrounding you. He scoots closer silently, his body heat warming you slightly when you lean against him.

Of course you would come, you always did when he asked you to. And here too? On the bench in the park where you had first properly gotten to know each other. When you were new and couldn’t stand to be cooped up in the embassy all day long, taking lunches out here in the warmth. Your DEA colleague Javier would often be out too, somehow still dark and stormy even in the sunshine, cigarette perpetually hanging from his mouth. You offered him a seat, half a sandwich, and then a willing ear for his frustrated rants. And after a couple weeks you’d offered him much, much more.

Now the sun slowly sets above you, the sky growing darker gradually. It adds to the sombre mood, the unspoken sorrow in your heart and the unease in Javier’s. The week had been a shit-show on all accounts, one you knew he was still on edge from. Blood ran on the streets and it felt like no one could put a stop to it, hard as they tried

“Fuck this week” he sighs, “Are you alright?”

You nod, maybe something of a lie but he doesn’t need to know it.

“Hey, I’m sorry about earlier. The guys in the office...they’re dicks, so am I. I should’ve told them to shut up. You shouldn’t have had to listen to that crap” He mutters, reminding you of the earlier conversation between Javier and some of the other men in the team, them patting him on the back for his sexual conquests. He was, after all, something of a legend in that respect within the agency. 

“It’s fine Javi, I’ve worked here long enough to be used to it. Besides we made an agreement, right? Clean and simple. No strings, I won’t get offended if you talk about fucking someone else” you squeeze his knee lightly, quietly adding “As long as they don’t know about me”.

He shakes his head, no one knows about you and him. You’ve been his best kept secret, he had made a promise to you. You watch as he drags on the cigarette again, orange embers lighting up his face as the colour fades from the sky above. He’s looking away, exhaling away from you for courtesy sake. With the slightest movement he covers your hand on his knee with his own, warm and rough skin filling you with a familiar comfort.

“You know that’s not what this is any more”

He’s right, of course. You had agreed to keep things simple, but the emotional attachment that had formed over the last year was getting impossible to ignore no matter how hard you tried. You’ve known this for months now; what he means to you, the way he makes you feel. The love, unspoken so far but true all the same.

“I know” you agree in earnest, feeling the mood shift. You watch him drop the cigarette and stub it out with his shoe. 

“Are you alright?” you repeat his question.

He just turns to you, brings up a hand to gently cup your cheek and gives you a smile that never reaches his eyes. He looks so worn, now you see his face fully, so tired and forlorn and it makes you want to cry. He leans in, offering you a surprisingly chaste kiss. When he pulls away you wrap your arms around him.

The wracked sigh that leaves him when you hold him tight could break your heart entirely. He’s given you a lot of himself, but this pain, this emotion that comes off him in waves now is something you think he’s been keeping to himself for far too long. He mumbles something against you, sounds like an apology but you can’t make it out, his hands holding on to you so tight it’s like he needs to make sure you’re really there. This is why he needed you here, not to say sorry for an overheard conversation you had already forgotten about. He needed to let out the pain.

And you feel it, every ounce of his suffering as he lets it go. The way it affects you, the sadness you feel washing over you at his anguish, that’s how you know. You love him. It makes you realise just how much you want to see him happy, make him happy. You love him and it hurts you to admit that now, because if you don’t it makes things so much easier - makes leaving him so much easier.

But you break and know that you can’t do that now. You love him, and rash as it may be, you have to tell him. 

“Javi, I need to tell you something” you whisper, pulling away from him to look him in the eye. There’s a glisten in his eyes, and your heart lurches painfully at the knowledge that he’s holding back tears. You feel the sear of anger within you at Escobar, the cartels, the DEA, and everyone else who made him feel this way. Your grasp his hands with yours and begin to finally tell him.

“I...I got offered a post in New York. A while back.” you tell him, breaking eye contact, “I accepted it”. Keeping this secret has been difficult with him, it’s become so easy to tell him everything, but you were in too deep now to just slip away without giving him a reason.

“They’re transferring you? Why?” he asks, confused for a moment.

“No. Well, yes, but only because I asked to be transferred” you admit, a shaky breath leaving you before you continue. “Javi, I can’t be here. I’m not strong enough. I can’t do it; Watching everyone around me die, watching on as innocent people die on the streets, never knowing if it’s going to be over. Watching you slowly kill yourself over this job” the last part is barely said, a whisper in to the cold night air.

He barely reacts, the single flicker of confusion crosses his features and then he’s drawing away. 

“I love you, Javi. I love you and I want you to survive. More than survive, I want you to live. For something other than this” you sweep your hand in the direction of the embassy and turn back to him, steady your quickening heartbeat before continuing “Come with me? I’m leaving in two weeks, I know it’s sudden but... Come with me, please. I want to be with you, but I don’t want us to be here any more. I love you.”

You know what this job means to him, the mission he’s put himself on to stop the violence and suffering in this country and beyond. You know in reality that this is more important to him than his own wellbeing. And you just want to scream at him to be selfish, for once. You ache with how much you want to leave, and even more with how much you want him to leave with you. It’s what you need more than anything. You want him to need it too.

He’s silent, for a longer time than you expect. He stares away, looking towards the city of Bogota, towards the embassy and everything past it. Grinding his jaw slightly as he seems to contemplate your words. He’s going to say no, you think, he hates me for giving up. You start to feel the tears prick in your eyes, they start to fall because you’ve never offered your heart to anyone before but you meant every single word.

And then he turns back towards you, pulls you to him and kisses you softly. You gasp when he pulls back, when he tells you “Yes” and then kisses you once more.

“Yes” he says, and it’s the most hopeful sound you’ve ever heard.

----

In the days that pass, you feel light in a way you haven’t in a long time. Although you barely get a chance to see Javier, passing him in hallways where your hands touch for a moment and then he’s gone for hours at a time. He’s busy as usual, but the way he looks at you now is different and it’s enough to keep you going.

You start to pack away your life, ready to begin it again in New York. You wonder if Javier is doing the same, but when you sneak upstairs to see him there’s no answer – another late night at work. You need to talk to him properly, make arrangements and discuss the details you didn’t get around to on the night he said yes.

It’s a shock then, when you come in to the office 10 days before you’re due to leave, and hear about the upcoming op in Medellin – due to take place the week that you leave, and lead by him. In the conference room he doesn’t look at you, and your stomach drops as you come to a realisation.

He’s not coming with you.

“Javier” you rush after him when you leave the conference room, trying not to draw attention. A hand on his arm to stop him, he let’s you pull him towards the empty kitchen. For a long minute you  are both quiet, the buzz of the office outside the only sound. You don’t know what to say. He doesn’t want to say what he needs to.

“You’re not coming to New York are you?” you blurt out the question, the hurt in your voice making him wince.

He takes a long breath, then shakes his head, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry”.

“But you said yes” it’s almost a whimper, pathetic and miserable, and he stands there awkwardly before taking your hand in his.

“I know. I know. I just- I can’t leave. I don’t blame you for wanting to, for getting out, but I can’t leave – not now.”

Part of you isn’t surprised, of course. Part of you can’t even imagine him away from here, doing anything other than this. But the rest of your suffers, a clutching pain inside of you that makes you feel nauseous and weak. You don’t even think about where you are, who might see, when he brings his arms around you and pulls you to his chest, holding you gently. His apology once again repeated against your skin.

“I love you, you know” he whispers, the unspoken words hang in the air between you – I love you but I can’t be with you

Maybe he’ll change his mind, maybe when you’re gone he’ll realise he wants to get out too. There are so many maybes. But the reality is that Javier knows how to live with regret, he’s been doing it for years. So maybe you’ll have to learn to forget him, however long that takes. 

Maybe one day you’ll be able to quit.

Permanent tag list:

@princessbatears​ @catfishingmorales​ @hdlynn​ @fleetwoodmactshirt​ @chews-erotically​ @keeper0fthestars​ @marydjarin​ @readsalot73​ @a-seeker-of-imagination​

[freddiesaysalright]

Part of Your World - Chapter 2

Ben!Prince Eric x Mermaid!Reader

Summary: Prince Ben is trying to escape an arranged marriage. A young mermaid wants to escape the sea. Their paths cross and they may just be what the other is looking for. 

Word Count: 4.6k

Tag List: @psychosupernatural​, @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @the-moving-finger-writes​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @rose-writes-prose​, @queenlover05​, @26-7-49​, @drowsebaby​, @im-an-adult-ish​, @queen-paladin​, @rogerina-owns-me​, @mirkwoodshewolf​, @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​, @radiob-l-a-hblah​ If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: Y’all I’m sorry this chapter took so long. See this post for everything that’s been going on in my life 

Warning(s): Mild descriptions of violence

Moodboard

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 here we go!!!

“What was that?” Ben wondered, sitting up a little straighter. 

“Not sure,” Ari replied, releasing Kay and getting to her feet. 

Ben followed suit and they walked over to the ledge together. Neither of them noticed the mermaid pressing herself up against the side of the ship, holding her breath and praying they didn’t look down.

Behati emerged from her quarters and walked out to join the crew. She had one hand behind her back.

“Eric,” she said. 

Ben turned to face her.

“If that really is your name,” she said.

The color drained from his face. “What are you talking about?”

“I found this among your things,” she replied, and brought her hand forward. She held up his ring. “The crest of the royal family is on it.”

While Ben had not worn any jewelry during his escape, he had packed his ring just in case he needed it. It was an heirloom worn by every prince in his father’s line. It was silver, with mermaids on the side, holding up the crest in the middle. There were diamond chips on the four corners of the crest, and the mermaids had tiny emeralds for eyes.

“You had no right to go through my things!” he argued. 

“You are a guest on my ship!” she shot back. “I had every right. Who are you? The prince? A lord? Who?”

“There are other things to worry -”

“Whoever is on that ship can wait until morning when we can see,” she snapped. “Tell. Me. Who. You. Are. Now!”

Ben shrunk away, his back hitting the ledge. 

“Okay,” he conceded. “You guessed right. I’m the prince.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “So. Benjamin is your name.”

From below, your heart gave a flutter. Prince Benjamin. What a handsome name!

“Ben’s fine,” he said nervously. 

“Well, Ben, we’re taking you home,” she said firmly. “I won’t be followed and charged with kidnapping the prince.”

“No, please!” Ben cried. “I can’t go home yet!”

“Why?” she demanded.

He hesitated, looking away for a moment. He locked eyes with Ari, who placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“She can’t understand if you don’t explain,” she said. “And she can’t trust you unless you trust her.”

He looked back at Behati.

“My father is forcing me to get married,” he admitted. 

You stiffened at that word. Married?! That wasn’t good news for you.

“He keeps bringing all these princesses and high born ladies to visit, hoping I’ll fall for one of them,” he went on. “But they’re all...dreadful. And he’s sort of run out of options now.”

Behati softened. She approached him slowly, took his hand, and pressed the ring into his palm. Then she curled his fingers around it.

“Was being honest really so hard?” she teased. Then she became serious. “Ben, I understand wanting to escape. Probably better than most people. I hope you’re not under the impression that I lack empathy or compassion.”

“It’s just...I don’t know you very well yet,” he chuckled.

“Know this,” she said. “I don’t turn my back on people in need. Being forced into a marriage...that’s terrible. Even princes have their share of trouble, eh?”

It was such a dramatic shift in her, it was throwing Ben off balance. Behati had become suddenly very soft. Even stranger, he liked knowing that she had it in her.

“They do,” he agreed. 

“You may remain on my ship for as long as you need,” she said. “Or as long as you’re useful.” 

She winked and released his hand. She stood in the center of the deck and looked up at the starry sky. Ben looked as well as he slipped his ring back on. He had never seen so many stars.

“It’s a beautiful night,” the captain said. “There should be music.”

The crew cheered. Ari went to grab her fiddle. Ben shrugged and decided to join the merriment. You pulled yourself forward again to watch. 

You watched them all night, fearful that leaving now meant your last chance to see humans up close would pass. Behati, Ben, and the others played music, danced, drank, told stories, and laughed. It seemed that with honesty, came the beginnings of friendship. It almost made you sick with envy. And yet, you could not pull yourself away.

They carried on all night. The golden hush of the morning came over the water, and the sun began to peek over the horizon. Ben had fallen asleep against the mast, and much of the crew was now lazily plucking at instruments or dozing softly. Behati was still awake. She retrieved a spyglass from a strap on her hip and she looked over at the ship that was approaching from the night. It was time to find out who they were.

She knew almost all the other pirate captains. They had an agreement. Since Behati’s interest was not in riches, they left her alone. In return, she left them alone, but with one condition - they could not trade people. Any pirates she caught dealing in the slave trade would be challenged. And she had never lost a battle.

Ben stirred awake. He looked up and saw Behati checking things out. Relief came over him. He had enjoyed himself during the night, but the concern about the other ship was still eating at him. He scrambled to his feet and walked over to stand beside her.

“Who are they?” he asked. “Do you know?”

Her mouth was turned into a deep frown. She lowered the spyglass, looking ready to spit a bullet. Ben had never seen such anger.

“Slavers,” she said slowly. 

“How do you know?” he wondered.

“The insignia,” she told him. 

She held out her arm and pulled up her sleeve. He stepped back, horrified. The skin was deformed by a deep scar - a brand. 

“Are they other pirates?” he asked.

“No,” she said. “These are the professionals.”

“That’s not right,” he said. “My father outlawed slavery years ago.”

“If you think slavery ended because your father signed a piece of parchment, you are a fool, little prince,” she retorted. “He may have signed the law, but he hasn’t enforced it. The navy is too busy fetching princesses to patrol the waters apparently.”

Ben swallowed as he watched the ship coming closer.

“You know how to use that sword you carry?” Behati asked.

“I’ve been trained,” he told her. “But I’ve never had to use it...y’know...in earnest.”

“Well, brace yourself,” she warned. “We’re commandeering their ship.”

She turned to face the crew. She put her index finger and pinky in her mouth and whistled. Ben flinched at the sharp, high pitched ring, but the rest of the crew perked up.

“Wake up, ladies!” she shouted. “It’s liberation time!”

Everyone immediately got to work. The anchor was hoisted and the sails were opened. You clung to the rope you’d used to climb the ship in the first place and held on as the ship began to move. You were scared, for sure, but mostly you were excited. You just hoped it wasn’t too dangerous.

After what felt like years, the ships were stopped astride each other. You were still firmly on Behati’s, but within a few yards of being sandwiched between them.

Ben looked between Behati’s hard expression and the smirk of the captain on the opposite ship. He was an older man - probably around the king’s age - but with a leathery complexion and an ugly sneer. His hair was gray and frayed at the ends. He had a look in his eye that struck Ben as evil.

“Captain Behati, I gather,” the man said. “I’d say your reputation precedes you, but you’re much more beautiful in person.”

“Shove it,” Behati returned harshly. “Surrender your ship, and I won’t hurt you.”

“‘Fraid I can’t do that, love,” the man replied. “I’ve got cargo to deliver.”

“People aren’t cargo, slaver,” she snapped. 

“Now, we can be respectful, can’t we?” he said. “My name is Captain Reginald, and I -”

Behati interrupted him with a swift drawing of her sword. “I don’t care what your name is. Release your prisoners or I will feed you to the sharks.”

“Not before I introduce you to a friend of mine,” he replied. “Say hello to Davy Jones for me!”

Reginald went for the pistol on his hip. Ben saw that the old captain’s finger went right to the trigger. He whipped it out with surprising speed for his age and immediately squeezed it. Ben dove in front of Behati, and felt the flesh on his right shoulder explode before tumbling over the side of the ship and into the darkness of the sea.

“BEEEEEEEEEN!”

Behati’s cry was the last thing he heard before everything went black.

The sounds of a battle erupted above you. You watched in horror as Ben’s body fell right past you and hit the water with a sickening splash. Without hesitation, you dove in after him. As soon as you hit the water, you saw a small, shiny object glint above him. It was the ring.

You snatched it from out in front of you and slipped it on your finger. Then you swam hard after Ben’s sinking form. With the help of your fins, you reached him quickly, wrapping your arms around his chest, and pulling with all your might. Your muscles ached from the weight of him and the resistance of the water, but you pushed vigorously back toward the surface. You just hoped it wasn’t too late.

When you broke through, Ben began to cough, to your great relief. At least he was alive. Water sprayed from his mouth and he struggled to inhale, but he was alive. His eyes barely opened and he looked at you.

“Thank you,” he said blearily. 

“Come on,” you replied. “We have to get you back on board.”

He mumbled something more that you didn’t understand. The sounds of what was going on up on the ships unnerved you. Swords clanged as they clashed. Explosions rang out - just like the ones that had sent Ben overboard. It was not a sound you were familiar with and it made your stomach flip. People cried out with anger and pain. Others hit the deck with a wound. Would putting Ben back on the ship be safe?

You looked up and saw that the commotion was coming from the other ship, not Behati’s. But if you climbed straight up, you would be seen. So, resituating Ben in your arms, you swam toward the bow to go around Behati’s hip and get him up from the other side.

You started out and Ben let out a soft groan with the movement. 

“I’m sorry, Ben,” you told him desperately. “Hold on just a little longer!”

He muttered some more under his breath. His eyes fluttered as he glanced over to look at you, but he couldn’t keep them open.

Your body was screaming with the effort of pulling him along. Ben was larger than you, and muscular, not to mention all the clothes he had on were weighing him down even more. You were only halfway there and already exhausted. You pressed on. You couldn’t let him die. 

Panting, you reached the other side. Thankfully, there was a net ladder hanging down. You kicked toward it and grabbed a lower rung. 

The wake from the rocking of the ships made emerging from the water more difficult. Especially since your primary concern was keeping water out of Ben’s mouth. The last thing he needed was to swallow a bunch of sea water - or worse, get it trapped in his lungs. 

There was another rope hanging down beside the net ladder. You used that to strap Ben securely to your body. Then you began to climb. It was the most difficult climb of your life. Your arms were on fire with how hard they were working, and it felt like there were miles between you and the top. Grunting, panting, and sweating - which you had never experienced before - you fought your way up. 

After hauling him up you dragged yourself - Ben attached - over the railing. You flopped onto the deck on your side and caught your breath. You gulped in the air and released it heavily, before swiftly getting to work to untie the rope. Your skin was red from it rubbed you raw, but you couldn’t focus on the sting. Ben was lying alarmingly still.

You tossed the rope back over the side and then rolled the prince onto his back. You put your ear beside his mouth. Low, rattling breaths were just barely escaping. 

“Ben,” you said gently, placing a hand on his chest. “Ben, are you in there?”

His eyes slowly opened once more. They were a beautiful shade of green. You held his gaze in that moment, and everything around you seemed to stop. It was just you and Ben, connecting, meeting for the first time.

Then he squeezed his eyes shut, turned onto his left side, and coughed up more water. When he was done, he winced and grabbed his wounded shoulder before falling onto his back once more.

“Wh...who are you?” he wondered groggily.

“Shhh, don’t talk now,” you replied. “Help is coming.”

Ben’s vision was blurry. Your face moved in and out of focus, but he was certain he had never seen you before. He had never seen anyone that beautiful in his life.

You looked around for anyone who could help, but Behati and her crew were all on the other ship. Although, things had quieted down significantly. A majestic form came flying through the air, and you recognized it as Behati. She landed with a loud thud and she looked up, meeting your eyes.

You gasped and threw yourself overboard, hoping she would chalk up what she saw to her imagination. You sailed through the air and twisted yourself into a diving position so you hit the water smoothly. It felt soothing on your hot, aching body. Before you returned to the depths, you poked your head out and listened. You heard Behati rousing Ben. Satisfied, you swam down.

Ben was waking up gradually. He hurt all over. He distinctly heard Behati above him, fretting like a mother hen, but still managing to insult him.

“You idiot, Benjamin!” she scolded. “Getting yourself shot to protect me?! For what? Some chivalrous glory?! I could -”

“Behati, please,” he groaned. “I did it because you’re my friend.”

He looked at her and saw watery eyes and almost smirked, but he was in too much pain.

“It hurts,” he winced.

“Take him to my quarters,” she said.

Ari put his injured arm around her shoulders and eased him to his feet. He looked at the captain.

“What about the captives?” he asked her.

She smiled. “All free. I never lose.”

“Where will they go?” he wondered.

“Home, I suppose,” she said. “I gave them the ship.”

“Did you let any of the slavers live?” 

“All but the captain,” she replied.

“Tell the ones you freed to take the ship to the capital - to my father,” he said. “There the slavers can answer for their crimes, and we can get the people back to their homeland by royal escort.”

Behati’s smile widened and her eyes shone. 

“You really are a prince,” she said. 

“As proof of their authority, let them take this,” he began again, reaching for his right hand.

He blinked when he saw there was nothing on it.

“Oh no!” he cried. “My ring is gone!”

Behati frowned. “It must have come off in the water. I’m so sorry, Ben.”

“S’alright,” he returned. “I have a seal in my bag. Will you write up a document, and I can sign it for you?”

“Kay, write the necessary letters,” Behati said. “Ari, you and I will tend to that wound.”

She put his free arm over her shoulders and together, the women carried him into the captain’s quarters. They lay him upon her desk. Then Behati retrieved some rum from the shelf on the wall. She handed it to Ben.

“You might want this while we stitch you up,” she said.

He sat up and took a swig, making a sour face as it burned its way down his throat. She laughed.

“What’s the matter?” she teased. “Nothing that strong in the palace?”

“No,” he wheezed. “We usually just have wine.”

She and Ari exchanged a look and laughed.

“Keep drinking, little prince,” Behati instructed. “We’ll have you patched up in no time.”

“Bottom’s up,” he replied, and drank again.

***

You rocketed away from the scene as fast as you could swim. When you were safe within the depths, you stopped to catch your breath again. You needed to take in everything that just happened. You snuck to the surface, watched humans for an entire night, just barely saved the prince's life, and now you were on your way home after being gone for hours. Oh, no. You were definitely in trouble again.

Well, you had to face the music. You weren’t going to put it off this time. Plus, the sooner your father finished yelling at you, the sooner you could get some sleep. Your eyelids already felt heavy.

As you made your way home, you kept thinking about Ben and that moment you had locked eyes on the ship. Something electric had sparked between you. There was something there that you could barely explain, and yet you felt it. It wasn’t just that he was handsome, there was more to him than that. You wanted nothing more than to see him again, and know all there was to him.

You slowly swam to the throne room, once again peeking inside to see the kind of mood your father was in. He was swimming back and forth in front of his throne, hand on his chin, eyes on the floor. He was worried.

“Father?” 

He whipped around, took in the sight of you, and flew over to gather you up in his arms.

“Y/N!” he cried. “Where in the seven seas have you been, child?! We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

He pulled away and looked you up and down. His mouth turned down into a frown when he spotted the angry red marks on your skin from the rope of the ship. They had calmed a lot, but not enough.

“Y/N, what’s this?” he asked. “What have you gotten yourself into?”

“Before I explain, promise me you won’t get mad,” you began.

“I will make no such promise!”

You sighed. It was worth a shot.

“Father, I…” you trailed off. Now was the time to be honest or lie your fins off. “I was exploring another shipwreck.”

Better to lie for now. If he found out what you had done in its entirety, he might kill you.

“Y/N!” he shouted. “We’ve discussed this! You’ve got to let go of your silly dreams of humanity! It’s childish, it’s dangerous, and deliberate disobedience of the law! I think you’re trying to give me a heart attack at this point!”

“I just have an interest!” you shot back, throwing your hands up. “What’s so wrong with that?!”

Your father snatched your wrist out of the water and drew it closer to him. You gulped. You’d forgotten Ben’s ring was on your finger.

“What...is this?” you father demanded.

“Something I found in the shipwreck,” you told him. “Just a trinket.”

He examined your form once again. “You’re lying to me. This ring has no signs of age on it. Those rope burns were not from loose rope. Where have you been?!”

You wrenched your arm free and cradled the ring to your chest. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“I was at the surface,” you said defensively. “And I’m glad I was there. I saved a young man who might have drowned if I -”

“DON’T!” Triton bellowed. “THIS TIME YOU’VE GONE TOO FAR!”

You shrank back, frightened. 

“Father, h-he might have died!” you argued.

“And GOOD RIDDANCE!” he shouted. “What need do we have for one more lousy human, huh?! Do you really think yourself a hero for saving that animal’s life?!”

“He’s not an animal, he’s a prince!” you returned. 

“I’ve tried to be understanding, I’ve tried to be patient with you, Y/N, but nothing works!” he cried, exasperated. “But so help me, I am going to get through to you!” 

“What are you going to do, ground me?” you challenged. “Well, I’m a grown woman!”

“Fine, if you want to be grown and independent of me, then so be it,” he snapped. “Guards!”

Two young mermen swam in from the corridor.

“Arrest the princess,” Triton said. “Take her to the outpost.”

You gasped. “Father, no!”

The outpost was an open area far away from the palace. Prisoners were chained by the fin to a solitary post hammered into the ocean floor. It was isolating and terrifying. 

“You broke the law, Y/N,” your father said. “And you will face the consequences. Anyone who makes contact with humans gets twenty four hours at the outpost.” 

The guards each took one of your wrists and clapped irons around them. You could see the conflict in their eyes as they did so. To arrest a member of the royal family was something unheard of. But your father’s point was to make an impression. And he did.

You shot him one last pleading look, but he turned away. The guards led you out of the throne room, out of the palace, and through the town. The other merpeople watched in shock as the princess was escorted out of her own kingdom. You saw Lorelai as you passed her place and looked away, hot tears forming in your eyes.

You didn’t fight when the guards put a chain on the end of your tail, where it met your fins, and then attached it to the post. One looked on with sympathy.

“We’re sorry about this, princess,” he said. “But if you’d just obey your father, this wouldn’t happen. He’s only trying to keep you safe.”

“Just go,” you said moodily. You had no desire to comfort him about what he was doing, or validate your father in any way.

With a sigh, they left you there. You allowed yourself to break down after that. You were tired, emotional, and just wanted to relax. And now, you were being punished for what you considered as doing the right thing. You gazed at the ring and recalled again Ben’s eyes. As you looked at the chain around your tail, you decided this was worth it. You still did not regret saving his life, and you were more resolved than ever to see him again. As soon as you could. 

But for now, you had to close your eyes. Your weariness was catching up with you. So you laid down and slept off everything. 

***

“Who saved me?” Ben asked as Behati finished the last stitch on his shoulder. Ari had already left to continue her regular duties. 

“What do you mean?” she returned. 

“Someone saved me,” he said. “A woman. I didn’t recognize her but she had to be one of yours, right?”

“Ben, every member of my crew was on Reginald’s ship,” she explained. “No one was on board or in the water.”

“That’s impossible,” he insisted. “I remember someone carrying me...sort of dragging me around...and then when we got back on deck, I saw her.”

“What did she look like?” Behati asked. 

“I’m not sure, it’s all sort of fuzzy,” he said. “But I know I saw her. She spoke to me and everything.” 

Behati took a moment. She saw the mermaid on the ship, caring for Ben and gazing longingly at him. She always knew that mermaids existed, but this was the first one she had ever seen up close. Behati did not want to reveal her in case it meant trouble for the rest of the merpeople. 

“I don’t know what happened, Ben, but when we got back, you were already there and safe,” she said. “No one was around.” 

Ben frowned. He knew what he remembered. Though he could not recall the full picture of the woman, she had to be real. He could not have survived without her. 

“Why is it so important to you?” Behati asked.

“Because something...happened,” he said. “We locked eyes and for a moment, I felt like...never mind, it’s stupid.”

“Ben,” she said assuredly, taking his hand. “It’s not. Tell me.”

“I felt like I’d found the woman of my dreams,” he said. 

She almost smiled, but faltered. “I hope she’s out there, then. I really do.”

***

You woke almost an hour later. As you stretched, you felt...watched. Which seemed impossible since there was nowhere for anyone to hide out here. Even so, you couldn’t shake the eeriness. 

“Hello?” you called out, feeling stupidly cautious. 

“Triton’s daughter,” said a raspy, spine chilling voice. “All chained up on the outpost? How cruel.”

“Who are you?” you demanded. 

You sounded braver than you felt. You did not recognize this voice. 

“I represent someone who can help you, princess,” the voice continued. “Someone who’s been keeping an eye on your situation.”

“Who?” you pressed. 

“Sycoria,” the voice said. 

From the foggy depths, it approached and came into view. It was an eel. The large, yellow eyes blinked at you as it came closer. 

“The sea witch?” you questioned, though you knew the answer. 

“Yes, child,” the eel replied. “She can get you what you want.”

“Why does she care what I want?” you wondered.

“Sycoria has sympathy for all creatures in need,” he explained with an over-kindness that made your skin crawl. “Come with me and see what she can do for you?”

“I can’t go anywhere,” you said. “I’m chained here.”

You pointed to the irons. 

“I’ll make quick work of that,” the eel said.

He flicked his tail and the chains evaporated. The bubbles floated away and you watched them go, amazed. 

“Now, are you coming?” he asked with a toothy grin.

You looked up, remembering the surface. Then you looked at the ring. 

“This may be your only chance to see him again,” the eel said. “Are you willing to let that go out of a little thing like fear?”

You narrowed your eyes. 

“I’ll see Sycoria.” 

“That’s a girl,” the eel said. “Come with me.” 

He swam off. You had to hurry to follow him. A jolt of nerves almost made you stop. But this was your shot at being human, at earning Ben’s love. You would never get another. You forced yourself onward. 

You swam behind the eel for nearly an hour. Finally, you reached a cave. It was glowing an ominous violet color. You came to a halt at the mouth. 

“Don’t be shy,” the eel said. “Go on in.”

You gulped. If your father knew about this, he would lose his head. But, he didn’t understand you. He would never understand that what you felt with Ben in that split second meant the world to you. You entered the cave. 

It was dark at first, but you maintained your pace toward the spooky glow. When you reached the end of the entrance tunnel, it almost took your breath away. It was similar to your collection cove, only much bigger, and filled with more oddities than you could even imagine. Bits and bobs of things you had never seen before. 

“Um, hello?” you said nervously. 

“Ah, the princess,” said another mysterious voice. It was smokey and alluring. 

From around the corner, she entered. The half woman, half octopus sea witch. She was thin and tall, with wild, white hair and vivid purple eyes. Her lips were drawn into a wide smile. 

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

[evarcana]

You gave us a moodboard for it but now we want the written tea... Tell us about Ev and Valerius's wedding 💕🥰 (bonus points if it includes behind the scenes)

Aaaaawww💕

Ok, I freaking love this moodboard so you all will have to see it again

Ev x Valerius Wedding

Unapologetically long text under the cut

Wedding preparations

Most of the wedding planning and preparations were done by Nadia and the palace. The couple had ‘a vision’ and Nadia seemed to be the best person to take care of the execution - she was rather excited.

Valerius told everybody that he decides on wine and the ceremony location, passed the list of guests from his side and did his best to appear as busy as possible to avoid any further involvement.

Ev told everybody that she was not a control freak (lol) and felt pretty relaxed about the whole thing. The very same evening Portia had to check every envelope with the wedding invitations and remove personalised notes which were clearly added to some of the invites by Ev. Few examples include: “please try not to get shitfaced at our wedding”, “kindly be advised that the wedding dress code includes (emphasised) a bra”, and “please don’t feel pressured to attend”. Extra ‘0’ also appeared in the quantity section of Valerius’s wine order (not like he complained)

Talking about ‘pretty relaxed’ - as soon as post hen/bachelorette party haze had cleared in Ev’s head, she realised that she did not enjoy public attention that much and she was mildly terrified of the idea of half of (in fact, more like whole of) Vesuvia being aware of her personal life. Strangely enough, she did not have this thought earlier, when the massive banner “That B*tch is getting hitched! Closed on xx.xx - private hire for Ev’s party" appeared above the Rowdy Raven's entrance the very moment some of the ‘bridesmaids’ were given a green light about the party. Anyway, the panic continued...

Valerius was ...nervous. Not like he started doubting the whole decision but he suddenly started thinking that nothing was done right. Were they courting long enough before? Not long enough but went too far? He didn’t ask her parents first - now, forget the courting, that was bad. Where were her parents anyway?

When Ev’s parents actually arrived, Valerius wished she didn’t get in touch with her family for the first time in like 10 years. Why did her family suddenly have so many wedding traditions, the majority of which involved either doing something ridiculous for Ev’s mum or drinking with her father..? ‘Foreign customs’ Valerius had to repeat to himself.

So to make at least something right, he decided that they couldn’t see each other the day before the wedding. And maybe not to stay in the same bedroom for few nights, just to be sure?! Did they spend at least three days arguing about it? They certainly did.

The day of the wedding

The morning of the wedding Ev got separation anxiety a strange feeling that Valerius would not turn up on time- he most definitely got drunk and slept in, she thought. Everybody was telling her that Valerius had never been late in his life but it was not convincing enough for her. She kept demanding wine for nerves and that somebody go to check on him. Why did they not allocate an ‘escort’ for the groom? This was a very good question, somehow everybody presumed that Valerius would have..friends? Or that somebody would volunteer? Didn’t happen. Somehow the only available individual who was not busy and somewhat fit for the job turned out to be ... Valdemar?! Valdemar didn’t care and didn’t want to move an inch until they heard Ev’s “and if the busta - *everybody’s wild protests* tries to run away, you can drag him to dungeons and I don’t care what you do !!!” - *sparkles in the red eyes* “as the bride wishes” - Valdemar was on the way.

Valerius was actually ready when Valdemar arrived, and wasn’t in the particularly bad state - he only verbally abused his servants the entire morning, but when it was time to leave, the signature look of complete disinterest was back. The only Valdemar’s contribution to the wedding was that they removed the wine glass from Valerius’s hand on the way out of the estate.

The ceremony was taking place in one of Vesuvia’s many temples, which was chosen by Valerius. It was the same temple his parents got married in. The formal part of the ceremony (much to Vlastomil’s relief) was to be conducted by Nadia (who also did a very long poetry reading nobody asked for) and the temple official.

Valerius was waiting at the temple’s entrance for Ev to arrive as they were to walk ‘down the aisle’ together. All of the guests has already gathered inside and even outside of temple. Valerius was lost in thoughts wondering what kind of gossip was going around the rows of nobles when Ev’s carriage arrived. Was he left speechless when he saw Ev? Yes and no, he hadn’t actually thought about what she would look like on the wedding day but somehow presumed that for the wedding of this scale the dress would be more extravagant - it was surprisingly simple, all beige only with the glint of gold coming through the lace on the chest and waist, but it was elegant, so very her and looked bare on her body. Luckily the walk from the carriage to the temple entrance was not long, and his thoughts didn’t wonder too far.

The moment they stepped inside and made the first step towards the altar, an audible gasp echoed across the temple: the large room was now filled with delicate clouds glimmering gold and the water started flooding the way to the altar. Valerius gave Ev questioning look, he would of preferred to be notified of any kind of witchcraft in advance. But it was not planned by her - it was a surprise present from Ev’s parents who were keen to make a statement about the bride’s family heritage. The look of the couple literally walking on water reflecting the warm light of many temple’s candles certainly made an impact. Ev had to gently squeeze Valerius’s hand for reassurance.

They both were wearing the golden leaf wreath like headpieces which were to be tied together with red ribbon during the ceremony - as it was the tradition from where Ev was coming from.

The vows were formal (though Ev’s voice was still trembling and people in the front rows might of noticed tears in her eyes) and the kiss was rather modest. As soon as they were pronounced husband and wife, the shimmering clouds cleared, the temple interior suddenly became brighter and thousands of red rose petals became falling from the temple’s dome. On that point Valerius decided that he rather enjoyed all those magical dramatic touches - being married to the witch wasn’t that bad after all.

The celebration and the party part was in the palace. The palace’s ballroom and garden were decorated gold with the touches of red. The palace’s stuff were slightly bewildered by the sheer quantity of wine but the guests loved it. Ev and Valerius spent most of the time politely greeting the guests. At least 10 people were instructed to count how many glasses they had. It was rather tame in the beginning. Everybody was strictly prohibited from telling any even slightly embarrassing stories about the newly weds.

The couple disappeared for a little more than once during the celebration, coming back and pretending that they’ve been there the whole time and whoever was stupid enough to ask question just had too many.

Valerius and Ev left the celebration early and missed some of the highlights of their wedding, like: Ev’s dad, Namar and almost all of the bridal party doing twerk battle, Nadia’s face when Valerius’s mother was criticising the colour of tablecloths, Julian setting the curtains on fire with the fireworks and half of the guests trying to stop the fire with wine - hey there was clearly more wine than water at that wedding.

They were glad that they did not hesitate to leave early - it took Valerius at least 20 minutes to undo all those torturous buttons at the back of Ev’s dress.

[flowerpowell]

The Dream Life of Ellie Wheeler (Colt x MC // Logan x MC)

PART TWO

<series moodboard coming hopefully soon>

A/N: unedited and not proofread but I just didnt have any time for that and wanted to post it before I’d overthink it and not post it after all. I’ll post it on Ao3 as well and reblog this post with the link to it. Please, let me know if you want me to keep you tagged or take you off the taglist. And if you prefer reading it here or on Ao3. 

Series summary: Ellie lives with a very strict father who doesn’t let her leave the house even for one night. When he forbids her to go to her dream college, Ellie decides to take matters into her hands and create her dream life. Since the only way to move out of the family house is to get married, Ellie needs to find a guy she can fake marry immediately. And who’s better than a young criminal that Ellie can easily blackmail? Unfortunately, not everything is as easy as Ellie hopes.

Rating: PG

Colt tags: @delightfullypinkglitter @mskaneko @desireepow-1986 @lovehugsandcandy @badchoicesposts @kingliam2019 @client-327 @walkerduchess 

Ellie woke up and her face immediately lit up. Today was the day she would finally take matters into her own hands and take a risk to make her biggest dream come true. Was it stupid? Yes, probably, but Ellie was determined. She wanted to go to Langston. She wanted to finally try living on her own. Besides, she wanted to try everything before giving up. And there was still at least—she looked at the phone—twelve hours before she had to send her answer whether she’d be attending the university or not. Twelve hours to execute her plan. At the end of the day she’d either gain nothing, go to college or be dead, if Colt Kaneko turned out to be dangerous. Either way, she wanted to try.

~~~~

She never took a day off. Her father would know if she did, besides, she needed money. Today was different and Alice promised she’d cover for her.

Ellie was sneaking up into the garage, hoping to meet Colt.

Colt and Colt only, she thought to herself. If that weirdo is with him I’m not sure I’d be able to say anything.

She was lucky. Colt was sleeping on the mattress, on the floor and there was no sight of Moana, or whatever her name was. Ellie took a deep breath and entered the garage.

Through the window.

Somehow, it felt inappropriate to use the main entrance, considering she was sneaking up. And on top of that, Ellie hoped it’d make a better impression on Colt since he was a criminal. In her head it made a lot of sense, the reality was slightly different, though.

What Ellie didn’t predict, was that she, in fact, wasn’t the tallest person, the window was pretty high and there wasn’t any dumpster on the other side of the window so she could climb down. As a result, instead of being sneaky, she fell down and made so much noise that all neighbors could hear.

“Ahhhhhhh!” she cried out when her body met with the floor and many toolboxes that she accidentally knocked over.

“The police are coming, abort mission!” she heard Colt yelling, before he rolled out of the mattress and started running away.

“No! No police, it’s just me!” So much for the good impression, Ellie. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to knock on the door so I wouldn’t wake you up.”

“Well, you did a great job, then,” Colt snarled as he massaged his neck. He looked at her again as if only now registering that she wasn’t supposed to be here.

“What… What on Earth are you doing here? Who are you?”

“I’m the barista from yesterday, remember?”

“Geez.” Colt rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me you came here because I didn’t thank you for the coffee or something. And may I ask, how did you even find me?!”

“Actually, you forgot your change,” Ellie joked but Colt looked as if she went crazy. Which, to be fair, she did. “I’m joking.”

“Funny,” he replied, with the most serious expression she ever saw. Ellie wanted to run. But first, she had a mission.

“Listen, what I’m about to say may sound crazy but I need you to listen to me—”

“Umm, can we go back to why you’re here and how you found me?”

“That’s what I was about to say before you interrupted me!” Ellie looked at him reproachingly.

“Amuse me.”

“I followed you yesterday. Just wanted to know the reason why I had to stay extra time at work. I… umm… overheard a thing or two. Listen,” Ellie took a deep breath deciding it was time to cut to the chase. “I know what you and Moana are doing…”

“Mona.”

“Same thing.” Ellie shrugged. “I know it’s illegal and I know now what your father was doing as well. And I also know what you’re about to do tonight. And I also happen to have a police officer for a father and he’d be very grateful for the information I have. But the thing is, I don’t what to give it to him, get it? I think I would benefit more if I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Wait, wait. I don’t understand what you’re saying. What is your point? You want to sell me out but … you don’t want to sell me out?”

“Ugh, I’m trying to blackmail you! I won’t tell anyone about the car deal tonight if you marry me today and take me with you to Oklahoma,” she finished and looked at Colt expectantly. For someone who has just been blackmailed, he seemed very calm.

“I’m sorry but…” Colt shook his head. “I think I’m still sleeping. It’s been a while since I had a vivid dream but here we are. You can disappear now and I need to wake up.”

Ellie sighed and walked up to Colt. She took his hand and pinched him hard, until she could see her nail marks on his skin. He hissed and took his arm away from her.

“Oh no.” That was all he said.

“Look, I know it’s not ideal but I really need to go to college and I can’t and—”

“IDEAL? You just asked me to marry you. Knowing too well I’m a criminal and you’re a daughter of a cop.”

“My father doesn’t allow me to go to college outside our city, unless I’m married. There’s no other way out. I’m helping you, you’re helping me. You’re not helping me, I’m not helping you.”

“I’m sorry to say that but I think you’re in the wrong place, sweetheart. Find someone else you can marry, I have a job to do.”

“Okay then. Good luck with your job. Me and a few other cops will come and look at your success tonight.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Colt murmured. “You know I could kill you right now? You know I’m a criminal and you’re not even scared of what I might do to you.”

“So? If I can’t go to college, what’s the point?”

“Geez, you’re such a nerd.” Colt rolled his eyes. He looked at Ellie and then at the car, covered with black cloth. “This is unfair. My job is only for one night. And I’ll have to stay married to you for more than one night.”

“Not really. I need to be married to leave the house. Obviously, after tonight, we both will go to Oklahoma. I don’t have a place to stay so I’ll stay with you until I find a dorm or something. We’ll be married only on paper and divorce as soon as I’ll settle into Langston.”

“I can’t marry into a family of cops!”

“Fake-marry,” Ellie corrected him.

“Same thing. What if your father does some research on me? A criminal marrying into a cop family.”

“Relax! I’ll handle it. He’s not gonna do anything when we’re still married. Trust me.”

“That’s… no. I can’t! I’ve done many stupid things in my life but this… This is the worst.”

“Would you rather… risk yours and Moana’s freedom?”

“Mona! And no! Of course not. I’ve got things to do…” Colt sighed. “How can I know you’re not lying? That you won’t say something to your father later?”

“Because I need your house? And be married to you? Without you, I’d have to stay here.”

Colt ran his hand though his hair. This was an important job. The last one before he would finish his father’s business and start his own. He couldn’t risk it. And that girl was clearly mad. Besides, she said it herself. That marriage would be only on paper. Was this a punishment for his sins? Was everything his did so bad that this was the only way to redeem himself? Was it—

“Can you make up your mind faster? I need to give my answer in less than ten hours.”

“Okay, fine. But if you do anything, you’ll regret it, I promise you!”

“Mhmm, yaay! Okay, we need to get married asap and send my answer! Hurry up, I still need to pack before my father comes home. Call Moana, we need a marriage witness or whatever. Hurry up!!”

~~~~

In the past five hours, Colt questioned his sanity more times than ever in his life. First, when he agreed to Ellie’s plan. He didn’t even know her but agreed to marry her. Later, he questioned his sanity when he asked Mona to be his best woman. Mona questioned his sanity, too. Then, he questioned it many more times during the ceremony and finally, when he said I do. By the end of the day, he was certain that it was only a bad dream. He couldn’t possibly marry Ellie. She was the weirdest person he’d ever met. And he, most certainly, met a great amount of weird people in his life.

Marriage certificate in his hand, he wondered when he’d wake up from this nightmare and what awaited him next.

 -----

[isolctions]

...........so let’s finally talk abt what the actual fucking fuck is wrong with ai’rina rue castillo, huh gang? :-)

(everyone go thank @armsdealing & @durcgs beating the anxiety out of me in order to post this info-dump.)

...before we get into things, now’s the part where i establish a warning for triggers to be discussed in this lengthy headcanon post. there’s gonna be some talks of mental illness, slight alcohol abuse, & breaking down topics of familial abuse, mental abuse, religious abuse, emotional manipulation, and elements of non-con. be warned.

a’ight, so look. i’ve hinted in between threads & development that rue had a not-so-fantastic upbringing that impacted how she perceives herself, how she interacts with others, (in terms of her career, at least) and how she views personal relationships, but i didn’t realize how........severely her upbringing messed with her mental health until i started working through how i wanted to plot out rue’s behavior for her next album release. at first, i had the idea that she decided to take more time for herself & sort of distance herself from the public / media circus plaguing her life so that she can create much more authentic music. then i actually listened to the EP that i’m basing her album off of and thought “...oh.” THEN, i looked over old meme responses & old threads / mentions of her family and how she grew up and thought, not for the last time since piecing everything together: “....oh. oh fucking boy.”

so, that horrible realization dawning on me, let’s talk about rue’s childhood.

i wrote a thing like, two years ago almost (that upon looking for last night, i realized i didn’t actually share it w/ anyone but alex in our discord server & only mentioned a portion of it in rue’s moodboard that i made) that talked vaguely about how rue felt growing up. and it’s worth noting that...she’s the middle of ten fucking siblings. and that’s just the brothers & sisters she knew of that stayed with their mother. and on top of that, not all of those siblings are the product of rue’s father, or even rue’s mother for that matter. and it’s also worth noting that rue not only grew up in poverty, but she grew up never having any actual space that had solely been her own, or even an article of clothing that had belonged entirely to her. so naturally, as a young child, rue sort of became torn between starved for attention & wanting someone to pay attention to her (whether that be her older siblings including her in something, whatever teacher they had for the next six months to call on her for something, for her mother to miraculously show up with her unknown father in tow one day, & for literally anyone to be her friend, pls god Notice her!!!) and for people to simply leave her the hell alone. obviously, this carried into adulthood.

and branching off from the whole “lack of space” point i made, rue wound up growing up to become increasingly more private as time went on because she literally cannot remember a single moment where she wasn’t squished between a bunch of people. driving around in their minivan? rue’s packed in the middle of the second row. nowhere to sleep while on the road? rue’s smacked between gigantic older brothers & clingy little siblings. need to use to bathroom? lmao, she better off going outside!!! gotta change clothes? yeah, good luck with that. it was to the point where, when rue got her first period, she was humiliated by it — not because ‘omg, am i a woman now?? wtf is this???’, but because she ruined the one good sheet that she slept on with her sisters & they were super pissed at her and her mother withheld pay from her for weeks. >:/

already, rue grew up never having shit to herself until the record deal. but she also dealt with literally...so much abuse from her mother. rue thought this was the norm growing up, because all of her siblings faced their mother’s wrath at some point & all of them eventually learned to just deal with the shit and do what she says if they wanted to avoid it. they all compartmentalized and repressed to varying degrees. there’s a lot in which rue has repressed so deeply, she doesn’t even remember if it seriously happened or if she was just making it up bc it was so fucking bizarre for a parent to act that way towards their child, lol?? (and this behavior of “i’m just going to do what you say bc i don’t want to deal with whatever bullshit you’re up to if i say no” also carried into business / personal relationships, which is...very Yikes it’s amazing she didn’t get scammed or worse!) 

so sure, people have complimented her for her exceptional manners & her cleanliness & how quiet / polite she is & how amazing her posture is, bc seriously, this girl will never experience back problems in her life bc her posture is so on par. but where rue typically smiles / responds bashfully, she can’t exactly just up and say: “oh, yeah, my mom used to slap the shit out of me ‘til i bruised if i spoke out of turn or talked back, and if i reached for anything in the store or put my elbows on the table she’d slap a ruler against my palms ‘til i got welts, and she’d make me read verses all night without sleep if i did anything wrong and make me straighten up and kneel on rice if i slouched or took a nap in church and humiliated me in public if i so much as looked at someone of the opposite sex on the street n oh, did i mention i also cleaned houses for rich millionaire snobs from ages twelve to sixteen and if they said or did literally anything to me i wasn’t allowed to defend myself?? ya i’m real proper :)”

(and normal ppl will go: “...................what the FUCK is WRONG with you????”)

but oh man, babe, we’re not done yet!!! rue, being the product of both a highly religious and a highly exploitative household...had difficulty when she started reaching puberty & noticing her classmates. plural, because it wasn’t just boys that she began to secretly have crushes on / fantasize abt, sexually or domestically. she also realized, oh shit, that she started looking at girls differently too. and that literally put the fear of god into her heart, bc if her mother ever found out that she was having non-platonic feelings for the girls in her classrooms, she wasn’t going to be pissed. her mom might have actually tried to kill her. or have her exorcised or something. she knew the shit would be severe, and she wanted no fucking parts of her mother or her siblings inserting the church into her personal life, thank u very much! so rue started suppressing her romantic feelings for people to the point where if adult rue receives intimacy, she’s like “...is this allowed? is this not illegal??????” while simultaneously being like “i will be a slut. just this once. as a Treat to teenage me. :>” regardless, rue learned to molotov cocktail literally any emotion or thought she had, bc she was paranoid that it would give her mother a vision.

now, onto the perils of exploitation...she should’ve been used to it really, what with her mother forcing herself & siblings to lure customers into their shop with promises of visions and palm readings and the wonders of the cards and overexerting their abilities. same with housekeeping, like being of service to people was normal! but when seventeen year old rue decided to sign a record deal and break from home, she wasn’t thinking critically about what the fuck all of this would entail. and as described in this headcanon post abt her discography, her early music was the product of allowing people much older & powerful than you to influence your work & manipulate your values. so rue was very much parading around as someone she wasn’t, someone much more confident and badass and self-assured than she really was, and she was so impressionable back then that it literally makes her sick to think back on it now. she calls it her puppy phase and phrases the eagerness to please execs as ‘tongue wagging’. homegirl hardly even knew her name anymore, bc all she was and all she would ever be was rue, the star, the vocal temptress. not ai’rina, the help or ai’rina, the seer, ai’rina, the weak little nobody. but later on, the subtle manipulation was less about decision making & how they wanted her to sound, and more about how they wanted to present the latest trophy star — because after all, she was pretty. people liked her. she sung really well. suitors weren’t too far off into the distant future. so why not kill two birds with one stone by having a high ranking label artist keep tabloids talking by being seen in public with a few heart throbs? surely, there’s no harm in manipulating an eighteen/nineteen year old’s love life! under the guise of improving her social skills & relations with fellow artists and the media and the like, rue gave into the pressures and let herself be taken out on dates & seen at awards shows with a few guys. no big deal. it was only for a night or so, she could handle the attention. then, one night appearances turned into week long appearances. pretending to date for only a month! completely innocent, positive exposure. :)

(adult rue, looking back @ younger rue: you stupid fucking BITCH-)

yeah, so once her label/management realized that she was turning into a hot commodity, they lost no sleep at allowing their nineteen year old artist to be seen ‘dating’ 20-24+ year old men occasionally. and whatever happened after their public appearances were none of their business. plus, she was good at pretending and being arm candy — so rue experienced her first kiss, her first dates, and her first times with people who she’s almost certain hardly remember their time with her, and really only got involved with her for a mutual career boost. very few of them does she actually remember in a positive light, and the ones that were positive, still depress her bc lmao all of it was fake, even if they were really nice & made it less like a chore and more like they actually wanted to be with her!! even fewer of them were actual relationships. meaning, said person asked her out of their own volition, not bc their managers thought it’d be a decent match on camera. it was evil, really, what her old label made of her. (like, she makes funny jokes that her first time having sex was awkward bc she had a vision halfway through that bummed her out but in reality it was just...really more of a transaction that made her feel icky n progressively worse abt herself until it happened more often and now she just doesn’t care anymore. sex is just sex, u know?? everything’s fake. why you gotta make it personal.) this whole fiasco took over the larger part of rue’s career from like, age nineteen to age twenty-two or so, and she suffered dramatically from this because what is even a genuine, authentic relationship at this point? what do u mean you want to get to know me? did ur manager tell you to ask so many damn questions & try to get to know me? obviously you want something from me bc that’s why everyone gets into a relationship or has sex with me, stop confessing feelings for me u fucking loser. >:/

like...rue doesn’t even have friends. outside of her relationship with marcelo / @armsdealing​ (which, AGAIN, i think was initially arranged to promote her song be honest, how fucking IRONIC), rue does not have any personal relationships with anyone. i mean, she likes her latest management team since switching labels...her hair stylist is rly cool & her make up artist is fun to vacation with...she met a few other celebrities at events that she occasionally texts & has dinner with...yeah, she’s basically a pretty hermit. her family is more or less out of the question — the few brothers & sisters she does still have a positive relationship with (like, four of them lol), they don’t see each other in person often / mainly communicate via groupchat and facetime calls when all of them have time. she tried visiting with her mother over the years, but the verbal & emotional abuse/curses placed on her/accusations of being an imp of satan for singing to the public/memories of being forced to perform psychic shows & clean for chump change keeps her from trying to mend that relationship. like, being gaslit by ur mother isn’t really the vibe, u know? and bottom line, rue simply is a very shy and socially stunted individual who does not know how to communicate like a normal human being anymore. hell, her life revolves around pretending for strangers at this point!

now, onto how...all of That ties into her behavior / state of mind during this next album. so, after riding the wave of success from her third album & the circus that came with that. rue sort of had a fucking existential crisis. came out of absolutely nowhere. (not nowhere — one of her brothers called her out of the blue and called her ai’rina and she literally went “who the fuck is that?”) told her label that she was taking some time in between albums bc she was creatively zapped or whatever bullshit excuse she came up with that somehow worked bc this new label was a little more understanding than the last. vacationed for a little, did some hot girl shit, bought a house, tried to see her mother again for whatever reason then got the shit slapped out of her and finally screamed at her to never touch her again unless she wanted to Throw Hands. cried and got drunk abt it. that took six months. bullshat to her label again, dropped like two songs to smooth things over, decided to focus on magic for a little to ground her, started partying with label mates then going home shitfaced & hungover every other morning. that took eight months. dropped one last song, promptly deleted her twitter, tried to write songs again, got a call from her mother and panicked and got drunk. that took a year. vacationed some more, got even drunker, was bed ridden for like three months because holy shit i’m having so many visions and if i see One More Thing my brain is going to explode, couldn’t separate the present from the future for weeks after that, told absolutely no one about that, cried every day & had an identity crisis, dyed her hair to appease the identity crisis goblins. that took a year and a half.

now, she just chilling. dyed her hair again. scaring her siblings halfway to death bc she keeps going on benders & sending cryptic texts abt the visions she’s getting but they’re so incomprehensible that they’re seriously considering moving in to get her fucking shit together. had a vision that she was married with kids and had a two week identity crisis appeased only by moving houses. (she was in a neighborhood with families...too much Drama and visions. turned into a really cool song tho.) started calling herself by her birth name of ai’rina in private. reactivated twitter to send cryptic tweets that her album is coming. working on said album. trying to drink less but kinda failing bc how is one simply supposed to make a highly personal dual album without alcohol??? prbly somewhere crying in marcelo’s lap or smthn. just vibes.

like...i feel like, in my head, the Theme of her project is wrapped up in identity. her relationship with fame and whatnot. trying to coax her childhood self out of its’ shell so that she can function like a normal goddamn person for once and re-establish her values. like, if someone went to any of rue’s residences right now, it’s just songbooks everywhere and wine glasses and her crystals and shit, bc she still has people’s futures to read for money. (yes, she never really got out of that portion of her childhood, but hey it pays.) it was all very confusing to experience at once while in bed at four in the morning & even though i tried organizing and debated on this, it’s still a Lot. which is why i am once again asking for plots that would allow her to dissect all these Things

so yeah. album four otw, with a side of confronting our childhood & facing our traumas!