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inlove-and-healing · 11 months

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okay so ive bad this idea in my head for a while... since i was 11, as a matter of fact, sonit would need some polishing to make it a little less cringe.

so, an undertale au. its called torturetale.

frisk falls into the underground, kills Sans, and uses his soul to leave the underground. (who knows, i may have them kill alphys and have sans take the royal scientist role because yknow, look at his shed... but the main thing is that i need the judge role left vacant.)

anyway, alphys (or whoever is in her place) kinda goes... insane. not like the neutral endings where she commits suicide, shes just straight up crazy.

the amalgamates still kind of happen, but instead of being test subjects for DETERMINATION, she uses them as test subjects for a thing that like 1) makes them immortal (so suicide isnt an option) and 2) brings them agony.

maybe its different for every monster? like some types will be bedridden with illness forever, others are in overwhelming pain, others are extremely depressed and anxious... maybe.

(or heres what i could do: frisk kills undyne, which causes alphys to go insane. then after she infects everybody with whatever it is, asgore has her executed, and sans takes her role. maybe? we'll see.)

anyway, this is where the weird stuff starts happening.

so during the war between monsters and humans, the human sorcerers killed a (skeletal) boss monster and used magic to preserve its soul.

this group, kind of like the umbrella corps from resident evil or hydra from marvel, takes the soul. then they kidnap this kid (was an OC, might end up being a reader insert?? probably what ill do, thats what im most comfortable with writing) (also by kid i mean teen) and combine their soul with the monster one.

so parts of their limbs are fully skeletal, their eyes are all black except for the irises (one is blue and the other is yellow). they, like everybody in the underground (even though nobody knows it yet) are immortal. they can teleport, summon gaster blasters and bone attacks, so theyre basically like sans. (when i first came up with this, i thought that gaster was related to sans and papyrus, so i thought maybe the soul would belong to their mother or something??)

anyway, the group uses the kid like an assassin. they make them believe that theyre the good guys, until they discover something that makes them run away, which is how they fall into the underground.

so because the ruins are closed off, everybody down there is unscathed. but toriel tells you that her friend on the other side told her thst things were "bad", and everybody was suffering, but he didnt tell her anything else. then he says one day that he has to go somewhere else, and he doesnt know when hell be back, if ever. (assuming i go the "sans becomes the scientist" route.)

kid tells toriel theyre immortal, and toriel asks them to go check on sans, which is how they find out whats going on in the rest of the underground.

they make it to hotland, and sans' lab, and they work together in the true lab using what few notes alphys took to find a way to reverse what happened.

then maybe an alternate ending, where frisk comes back after everybodys cured. when they meet the kid, they act like sans (i made the kid, called ayanze when she was my oc, to take sans' role. thats why he originally died.) and when frisk gets to hotland, no matter whether or not frisk killed anybody else, sans fights them in his lab. he can be spared if its a neutral/pacifist run (mettaton breaks in for a show and is like sans get the fuck out, but in a genocide or neutral run if you choose to kill sans mettaton breaks in after) and then the kid is the final boss.

because theyre immortal, you beat them by making them lose hope.

so, thats my idea. feel free to leave any suggestions you may have. ive wanted to write this forever but never had the motivation. maybe now i will.

(i will be doing this on a separate blog, which will likely become an ask blog when the first part ((before frisk comes back)) is completed)

#undertale #undertale au #undertale multiverse #undertale fandom #tw suicide #suicide tw

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inosukeslefttoe · 3 years

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SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro.

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry.

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either.

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

#wonder egg priority #wonder egg spoilers #ai ohto #rika kawai #momoe sawaki #wonder egg priority neiru #i forgot neirus name #anime review #wonder egg ai #lgbtq anime

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milyotp · 4 years

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okay so i just finished modern family and i feel like i need to vent.

i wasnt a big fan for the first couple seasons because i didnt like that many characters. in fact, i only liked three. gloria, alex and luke. but when you watch a show for eleven whole seasons, its kinda hard not to get attached, even to the characters you dont like. and thats what happened - i got really attached. it always happens to me with long-running shows. i fall in love with them and when they eventually end, i cry. i cried when charmed ended. i cried when friends ended. i cried when desperate housewives ended. i hate greys anatomy now and havent watched it in two years, but i know ill watch the series finale when it comes out in 2047 and i know i will cry.

i usually just cry for a bit, then reflect on the show and what i liked, imagine what could be happening next and eventually move on. but since i have so much free time on my hands right now, thanks to covid19, i figured i might as well write about it. see if i like it. maybe ill become a writer. who knows. i for sure dont.

lets start with what i didnt like about the show.

some characters. phil could be difficult to watch sometimes. jay was always a bit too conservatice. but mitch and cam are who i always disliked the most. they are a really dysfunctional couple and theyre mostly really bad parents. i also dont really like the way eric stonestreet, as a straight man, portrays a gay man. when they were on my screen, there was a 90% chance that i would cringe, roll my eyes or just flat out hate it. the only thing that made their storylines bareable was lily, who turned out to be one of my favorite characters. love her snark and sass.

i was also not a fan of the lack of actual character development for some of them, most notably luke. nolan has a lot of acting potential and they didnt even allow him to dip his toe in.

so, what did i like about the show?

i come from a pretty big family. we get together way too often, theres grandparents, toddlers, a dog. the show felt so relatable to me on so many levels that it was a sheer delight watching it. it felt like they just... understood. what its like, with a big family. mine may not be as diverse, but its just as crazy. and modern family was the first show that gave me that. and i loved every second of that.

thats why i didnt like the finale, though. i get why they decided to let it play out like this. they wanted a sense of goodbye and the only way to reach that was by having them say an actual goodbye. but ive never been a fan of that.

because it always leaves you on a sad note. the dunphy kids all moved out and/or far away. the tucker pritchets moved far away. the delgado pritchets are gone for the summer. manny is gone for a year. theyre all crying about when they will get to see each other again. and its just...

unrealistic and sad. for me, at least. i mean, dont get me wrong, the show was never about realistic behaviour. but it was real. the family person inside me is screaming at the way they all decided to just up and leave. going to switzerland for work, just like that. uprooting their teenage daughter to move to missouri, just like that. going to college in a state far away, just like that. its probably a matter of how much you actually wanna be around your family, but not one of them ever didnt like it. i know i love being around my family. i would never move that far away. not for work, not for a relationship, not for education. i prioritize differently obviously, and im not saying the execs created utter bullshit with that finale, but i am saying that it was really disappointing to watch. and i know for a lot of people, its just how life goes. the kids move out to go to college. siblings move out and far away for job opportunities. all that jazz.

but portraying them like a close family that relies on and thrives around each other, and then having them give all that up in one episode. just sucks, is what im saying.

i wouldve done it differently, obviously. i wouldve let mitch, cam, lily and rex stay in their new, beautiful house. i wouldve let haley, dylan and the twins move into mitch and cams old house, still. i wouldve loved to see alex excel at work - but closer to home, because i wouldve also liked to see her value her family, which shes never done much. and i wouldve liked to see luke ace college - but nearby, for the same reason as alex. and then you can end the show with them all sitting around together in someones living room, or around the dinner table, and show the audience that even though everyones seperate life is important, having a family that sticks together matters just as much.

thats what i wouldve liked to see. but we dont always get what we want.

and where the hell was stella the entire time?

#modern family #review #phil dunphy #claire dunphy #haley dunphy #alex dunphy #luke dunphy #mitchell pritchett #cameron tucker #jay pritchett #gloria delgado-pritchett #manny delgado #lily tucker-pritchett #joe pritchett #mitchell tucker-pritchett #cameron tucker-pritchett

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dailycharacterheadcanons · 4 years

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!!introduction!!

══════✮❁•°♛°•❁✮ ══════ hi!! i decided to make this blog for fun and i hope at least one person findz it as fun and cool as i! i really want to make at least one person’s day, it seems silly ik but still!!! so, before we get into the random daily character headcanonz, here’s some thingz about me!! then i’ll get into what you should expect plus rulez!!! here we go: ─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

!!ABOUT ME!!

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

✧ u can call me: day, sunny, or jack :) ✧ my pronouns r he/him, anything workz besides she/her!!!!!! ✧ i am a minor so plz don’t request NSFW headcanons )): makez me uncomfy ): ✧ i am neurodivergent !!!!!! - also i have dyslexia ⋆ going off that,, that meanz i cannot really control my lil peabrain and what it findz comfort in!! so plz dont get on me for the “cringe” ships that maybe talked abt here ); they r rlly comforting to me and make me happy so thatz what matters!!!!!!! ⋆ also i will misspell namez and stuff, dont correct me unless itz super bad, im trying my best ✧ i rlly like multifandom shipz and stuff like that so if thats not ur thing, just skedaddle! i dont mind :3 just dont attack me n stuff ✧ i dont know every character so i may not do ur character/ship request as i dont know them )): sorry )): but feel free to share ur headcanonz in the ask !!! also plz specify what the character(s)/ship(s) r from!!!!!!!!!!! ✧ i dont support pedophilia, homophobez, transphobez, racists, etc. on thiz page or in general obviously!!!! get out of here if u like that stuff )):<<< icky )):< ✧ also i dont like yaoi or stuff like that,,, so plz dont ask me about headcanonz from that sorta stuff,, it makez me feel icky )0: ─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

!!RULEZ!!

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

♛ i am a minor, plz DO NOT request i talk abt NSFW media or headcanonz, gross ♛ plz DONT b mean abt my headcanonz ♛ DONT ask why i headcanon it in a mean way,,, most of the time i dont rlly have a reason,, i just think it fitz and i like it,, i may try to explain some of them, but most of the time ill just ignore u, sorry )): i just cant explain my way of thinking or why it makez sense to me ♛ DONT attack otherz plz if they share their headcanonz or shipz,, thatz mean and i will block u ♛ dont be racist, transphobic, homophobic, etc. i will block u cuz ur icky. ♛ i like multifandom shipz and stuff, dont send death threats to me over it,, just block and move on ♛ be respectful and kind :D ♛ also if u support these shipz, plz just block me )): they make me feel gross and uncomfy,,: sheith (shiro x keith, voltron), pidge x allura (voltron, dont know their ship name), any paladin x shiro ship (voltron, hes like 30 guys )): ew), junko x mikan (danganronpa, dunno their ship name), dabi x todoroki (my hero academia), eri x any of the ua students/staff/etc (my hero academia), more to be added ♛ more to be added later ♛

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

!!WHAT TO EXPECT!!

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

✐ cool, swag multifandom shipz!!!!!!!!!!! ✐ rad headcanonz that make no sense but oddly fit the character/ship at least to me ✐ cool shipz and their headcanonz and sometimez shitty doodlez!!!!! ✐ me being absolutely cool as fuck!!!!!!11!! im living my best life x3 ✐ my utter dumbassery ✐ hyperfixation brainrot (wow so swag) (radical) ✐ me figuring out how tumblr workz bc im stupid B) ══════✮❁•°♛°•❁✮ ══════

#introducing myself #intro post #first post #ooh wow look at me go #tags r so cool #im already figuring this shit out woah #pls read this all #fandom #dailycharacterheadcanons

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minjoonalist · 5 years

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Predilection | Chapter Two.

Pairing : Jikook x Reader [Feat. Taehyung]

Words: 3.5k

Genre: Angst, eventual Smut, fluff

Warnings : explicit wording

Description: you want him, he wants you, but he also wants him, and him wants you- but him hurt you. So You hate him.

———

“So how’d it go?” Your best friend slings his bag over the chair next you.

You were spending your last free day in the school’s library to finish up on some homework and you couldn't help but feel bummed out. Before you had made the depressing decision to cram every note you’d managed to take in the last few days, you finally made the wise decision to seek out your professor and request a new housing like Taehyung suggested.

Your head rises from the open notebook, eyes squinted and your hair tied up in a messy bun, because you hated when it fell on your face as you read. You felt extremely tired, no thanks to the lack of sleep you got from your sudden anxiety and Taehyung’s slightly worried expression told you that maybe you looked worse than you felt.

“Huh?” you rasped sitting up.

“ I said how did it go? Y’know, operation ‘get rid of fuck boy duo’ ?” He raises a hand to pull a stubborn strand of hair behind your ear, a small desperate smile gracing his features.

You furrowed your brows in return, your eyes narrowing in on him when you start to notice his flustered state. He was sweaty, His hair was wild, lips swollen, and the dark purplish hue that was stuck on his collarbone made its appearance once he shuffled to take off a sweater you’ve never seen before.

“Oh right! Let's see..-he said no.” you pouted and shrugged at him. “I’m sorry Ms. y/n, but it's just too late for that. I’m sure all of you will pull through...That. That was his response.”

The look tae returns, only reminds you of the one you made when you received your rejection. Even when you’ve tried over and over to convince the man of the unhealthy nature that stood between you three, he would only continue to insist that you solve it on your own. It only left you with no choice but to accept your tragic fate.

“So he’s making you stay with Captain hook and Tinkerbell?! Thats fucking crazy-” he starts to rant, his anger spiking too high for the atmosphere. you didn't like whenever he got worked up like that, so you attempt to change the subject at hand.

“Tae the only thing that seems to be crazy right now, is how you came late to our study date, looking as if you’ve just ran a marathon.” you quirked your brow and if you thought that the man had seemed flustered before, then his face must’ve felt as hot as the sun by now. His cheeks went from a pinkish hue to completely red and you couldn't help but to simply giggle at his expense.

“Alright …” you stretched in your seat before turning towards him “who was it?”.

He glances away nervously from you, his bottom lip caught in between his teeth. You could say on some level you were completely shocked. Over all your years of friendship you’ve never known your best friend to be shy about spilling his latest activities with you and that included telling you who's poor soul it was. You knew that it had been awhile since he’s had sex and he hasnt really taken an interest anyone-...wait.

“Oh my god…” your eyes widen. The excitement in your voice makes him look up at you. A mixture of curiosity and fear seen within his eyes because he somewhat knew you had already figured it out. There was only one person he couldn't bring himself to act cool in front of and that was none other than- You look around, eyes searching for anyone who might be listening when you turn back to him and mouth ‘Min yoongi?’

Taehyung cringes before groaning out of frustration.

“I just wanted to talk!! How was I supposed to know he would fall for my hot ass-” he cries out dramatically until someone from afar has shushes him. He then sends a nasty glare towards their direction, only to come back towards you to finish “ and I didnt fuck anyone sadly, … I made out with them.”

“You mean him’ as in Min Yoongi?” you try to correct and get a better answer with full smirk on your face.

Taehyung pouts for a bit. “ You know I find other people attractive besides him.” he mumbles “ anyways don't you remember? I was a complete dumb bitch the last time I talked to him. I turned him down to talk about living arrangements-”.

Suddenly he sits up from his slouching position a shocked expression on his face as if he had just realized something.“Oh shit!” He springs forward.

“What? What's happening?” You shuffle back a little, scared by how frantic he looks all of a sudden.

“ I-I’ve got to go. I-I completely forgot that I’m going to be staying with my crush for an entire week!” he says quickly standing up from his chair and you watch as he quickly reaches for all of his items.

“Hey! where are you going? You just got here” you say a bit saddened by the sudden departure. He grabs his bag, slinging it back up onto his shoulders and comes to land a gentle kiss on your temple. He does this sweet gesture and begins to sprint away before you could say anything else-but not forgetting to yell “I need to pack cuter clothes for Yoongi hyung! Bye!”. you sit there in your spot only shaking your head in return.

“Um hello?” a light voice comes from your side.

With a deep smile still being placed onto your features, you don't pay no mind to it. You were still too busy watching your friend’s retreating figure as he rushes away from your teasing of his crush. While he may not have audibly confirmed who the handsy culprit was, his face certainly did and all you wanted to do, was gush for him.

“Right. I’m dumb and Im just gonna go fuck myself now…” the same voice chimes behind you again, except all confidence before had completey vanished and you finally noticed.

“Wait huh?” you then ask turning around from your spot only to be met with another retreating figure that had it’s hoodie up.

From first glance you could almost assume that they were someone you had seen before. Their walk, their shape, and maybe even just the way they were carrying themselves with grace - it all seemed too familiar to you and Immediately you feel guilty from their words. It sounded as if they had gathered so much strength to talk to you and all you did was Ignore their attempt.

Your head throbbed, eyes were droopy and you wanted nothing more than to go take a nice nap in your bed after all that studying. It had been approximately 3 hours since taehyung had left you to your own presence and you still wondered who the mystery figure was that tried to talk to you earlier.

You’re leaning over in your chair, your bag in front of you as you packed up your remaining items. Your eyes trains on the overstuffed case, when a white object is set down in front of your view. You snap slightly towards it, your mind immediately registering it as a small coffee to-go cup.

“Still spending your life in the library I see, huh nerd?” the voice comes out a bit hoarse as if it’s owner wasn't usually one to speak. But they did and you knew they did -but only to the ones they cared about. Funny that at one point it used to be you...

You could've grabbed everything and got up, hell you could have taken the damn coffee and chucked it at the miserable man that dare to speak to you as if everything was fine. But of course, because you were so damn weak and you couldn't control the shock that had you in it’s vice grip, you look up to the handsomely dark male that once called himself your best friend.

“Jungkook?” You breathed. Swallowing thickly, in your now suddenly dry throat. His tall yet lean figure, shifts slightly from hearing his name come out of your mouth and he simply sends you a small nod in return.

“Y/n.” he greets.

Jungkook wasn't surprised at the frown that immediately comes onto your face and he also wasn't surprised that you didn't notice his little peace offering.

“What are you doing here?” Was the exact question he had already braced himself for when he decided it was best to get to you before his boyfriend did. Not long after jimin’s little show, did he verbally express numerous times he was going to come after you despite what jungkook thought and it was only up to the man himself to at least warn you.

“Did you take a wrong turn or something?” Yet another question comes from you. You were beyond confused by the boy’s odd appearance as he stood watching you silently with a cold expression that was completely different from what you were used to. Even if you both had not been friends for years, never once before have you ever had jungkook look at you without some type of adoration in his eyes.

Until now.

He snaps out of his emotionless trance and comes to take the empty seat in front of you. “Its an Americano with three pumps of vanilla- thought you could use some.” he finally says quietly as the coffee cup in front of you is pushed further your way and you slowly raise a skeptical brow. You then sit back a bit, completely stranger to the man you used to cuddle whenever you felt like it. It was weird how close you could be with someone and then suddenly you werent. Even so, it amazed you that he stilled remembered your go-to coffee.

“Um thanks.” you nod reaching for it, but then hesitating to take a sip “you didn't poison this did you?” you asked narrowing your eyes.

Jungkook blinks momentarily at your question and once he takes in what exactly you asked him he sends you a flat look in return. “ No. I don't know about you, but I do want to get an A in this class. I think me, poisoning one of my partners would be a childish decision ” Jungkook says matter-of-factly and the way he sends you a cold glare while taking a sip of his own drink has you wondering just when did the man become so...bitter?

You take your gaze away from him and lower it back down towards your coffee, a slight blush on your cheeks. The grip on it becoming a bit tighter as you grit your teeth in irritation “I wouldn't call it childish” you mutter under your breath. He’d only been around for about 5 minutes and you were already thinking about poisoning him.

Jungkook takes note of your immediate irritation. You never noticed but the way his eyes suddenly glimmered from your deplore of his comment. It was sure enough a number one sign of his ill intentions and After a silence passes by, only then does his emotionless expression return just before he speaks.

“We need to talk about jimin.”

———

There were three things you were sure of the moment Jungkook had decided to confront you while at the library. One, the boy was still as loathsome as the day you both parted, Two you were definitely plotting his death by poison and three...you don't know what kind of overbearing confidence Jimin has been feeding the man over the years, but Jeon Jungkook was way too conceited for his own good.

Ten minutes pass the time you were supposed to be heading home, were the same ten minutes you were stuck watching Jungkook babble on to you about...well you didn't know because you weren't listening.

You blinked slowly.

The sight of the muted raven’s lips moving in a concentrated flow to create a very long speech you surely weren't listening to. While so, you took the time to notice the small features of the grown man that had changed over time. His hair had grown out past the usual short cut he always kept, the boyishly round jawline you were used to seeing had transformed into something that one could say was sharp, and his eyes...while they were now cold towards you, even a blind bat could tell that once they fell upon you with a loving warmth- it could make anyone fall to their knees.

Although you hated the man himself, you had to admit no amount of disliking could make you so oblivious to how completely hot he is now. Too bad those good looks had to be wasted on such a shitty person...

“-you're not even listening.” his voice finally registers in your ears and he watches as your once glazed eyes snaps into alertness.

“h-huh what?” you stutter while finally bringing your lost attention back onto him. Jungkook’s highly bothered gaze, stays on you and when he sees the confused expression that you give him in return. It only confirms his suspicions of you not listening to a damn thing he was saying.

“Attention deficit. Even now you wont pay attention to me. ” Jungkook then sighs, his body sliding down as he leans his head back into his chair.

This was a lot more annoying than he expected it to be.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Your brow furrows and you cross your arms at his sly comment. The last place that you wanted to be in this moment was in front of jungkook and he had the nerve to insult you right as you were sitting across from him?

Jungkook raises his head once again only to be met with a harsh glare from your point and Inside he mentally scolds himself for letting those words slip out his mouth. “Nothing.” He quickly replies just before leaning over and more towards you. “I know you don't want to talk to me right now...or ever and I can see you’re more than less thrilled about having to put up with both Jimin and I for a week. I don't like repeating myself, So for once could you please listen to me y/n?” He pleads another emotion besides irritation filling his eyes.

There it was again… you thought to yourself, noting the way jungkook seems to insinuate that you never listen to him and if it hadn't been for the fact that you wanted him out of your sight as soon as possible, you would have asked why he seems to keep the pattern. In- fact the longer you both were in each other’s company, the angrier you become and receiving an F’ for this project was seeming worth it to you. If this was the kind of person you would have to talk to everyday in order to get work done, there was no way any of you were going to pass.

“We need to talk about Jimin” he repeats the same phrase, he uttered only a few moments ago and This time, they actually pique your interest. You then quirk a brow in question, no reasons for why he would want to talk about the silver haired man coming to your head.

“Why? Flaunting him around in my face not doing it for you?” You ask rhetorically, not even attempting to hide the bitterness in your voice. This makes Jungkook narrows his eyes. The faintest smirk appearing on his lips but deep down there was that familiar pinch of emotion that he’d learned to keep at bay. Guilt

“You know green never looked good on you y/n.” He clicks his tongue.

“And being a dick isn’t a great personality trait.” your reply was quick as you attempt to hide the silent sting of his words. You then raise your chin high, feigning confidence “ speaking of- ...what the hell does your boyfriend have to do with me?” You ask finally giving into the evil gaze that probably wasn't going to budge anytime soon.

Jungkook takes a moment to look at you, seeing that you’re equally as harsh gaze had no falter. Brows furrowed, star gazed eyes narrowed into slits, and soft looking lips pursed into a thin line-...wait did he just call your lips soft? What the fuck.

He blinks to himself.

“Well?” You prod, completely unaware of his sudden turmoil.

Jungkook clears his throat “Well, I guess I’ll just start off with the obvious fact that you have a non-stop hard on for him.” he speaks, looking too sure of himself. He would have thought this would have been a bit easier to communicate with you, but somehow he found it hard to tell you that karma was basically kicking him in his ass.

“Every girl has those for jimin, jungkook-” you snort and he rolls his eyes.

“But they’re not like you...”

“How so?” you inquire, a brow still quirked skeptically towards him. Jungkook sighs again but a bit more audibly this time “ You’re just different. They don't have our past history- our relationship.”

“Right, because normal girl’s don't have their crushes sucked away by a snake best friend.” You conclude sarcastically and It comes out just as venomous as you wanted it to “ how lucky am I? ”

The right eye on jungkook’s face twitches and he bites back his winning anger. Why he hasn't gotten up from this table yet was beyond his comprehension, he usually didn't have this kind of patience- not even for Jimin. Maybe because he wants to have it for you.

“Well my boyfriend wants to fuck you in more ways than one…so I’d say pretty damn lucky.” Jungkook swallows, his bottom lip being caught in between his teeth.

You frown and the air in between you shifts just when you start to see unease within his features. It feels as if time has just slowed down, the subtle beating within your heart escalating at jungkook’s highly alarming confession and you try your best not to let your mouth hang open.

Your body freezes, eyes bulging out slightly as you look away in shock and then understanding. For a moment, you wanted to believe that what Jungkook was telling you was true- that the very man you’ve fantasized multiple times about has suddenly done the same for you. But of course you couldn't, only holding onto the silent fear that this was all just some sick joke he came up with to hurt you even more.

Your fists clench at you side. You felt anger spike through you, from the thought of the evil boy plotting harm to you. “That's it? that's why you’re here? To tell me that your little love slave suddenly has his eye on me? How dumb do you think I am?” You sneer at him, your words getting louder by the second and you forget that the both of you were currently situated within a library.

What ever reaction jungkook thought you were going to have towards this conversation, it wasn't one of anger. surprise, happy- maybe even a bit of relief, but he certainly never pictured you rising from your seat and leaning over the table with a look that could kill an army.

He shifts a bit.

“ Do you think I'm so desperate that I would just jump immediately at your word? I'm not naive, little y/n anymore Jeon” you couldn't help yourself, watching as jungkook blinks rapidly towards you.

“Y/n that's not-“ Jungkook frowns and he tries to calm you down, but you were too far gone.

“I'm not that little puppet you can manipulate. I was your friend and that's what you should have treated me as...what the hell did I ever do to you?” The words leave your mouth before you could even register it. It was a fair question, that always seem to plague your mind whenever you thought about this. You’ve asked him this before of course, but for some reason you could never seem to remember what it was that he told you. All you knew was that no matter what it was, there was just no excuse for ever hurting your friend like that.

A long silence goes by.

“Friend.” He simply repeats after a moment. “ y/n you weren't my friend. Friends hangout everyday, friends share laughs and listen to each other's problems or secrets. Friends don't ignore each other’s entire existence when they wanted them most. Friends don't let the other fall while they take a step back…” By then Jungkook had slowly risen out of his seat as well, his speech strong with emotion until the last part had become so low you’ve completely missed it.

However that wasn't your worry, what registered with you most, was the pain his eyes bore into you -as if he wanted you to see everything that he’d kept inside all these years. If that it-self wasn't distracting then maybe it was the fact that jungkook had copied your stature without thinking it through fully. While he leaned over the table - his face only a few mere inches away, it dawns on you quickly that he was way too close into your personal space.

Even knowing so, you still wouldn't budge because you refused to be the one to submit. Instead you kept your unmoving glare onto his wavering eyes, your steady breathing against his increasing inhales, your frozen frame in shock when his moves in even closer, and a blank mind when his lips are suddenly on yours.

Jungkook had snapped.

Chapter Two | Masterlist

#jimin #jungkook #bts #bangtan #bts scenerio #bts imagine #bts smut #bts au #predilection #bts angst #bts fluff #jikook #bts x reader #jikook x reader #jungkook smut #jimin smut #au

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vintagesewingmachine · 6 years

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Nessian Fic- Part 2/2

Part two, as I promised. @aelinashgalathynius @highlady-kat @illyrianbastards @wearestarseternal

Days had passed since That Night of Extreme Awkwardness. Nesta had done laundry, quietly returned Cassian’s shirt (which he had the decency to never mention again), and had semi-avoided Cassian. Her desire to be around him battled with the awkwardness and confusion of her feelings. Today, she had decided to go with Cassian to train.

Nesta huffed as she pulled on her Illyrian fighting leathers. She buckled the straps and belts and collected the weapons Cassian had given her to put in their sheaths. She had already eaten breakfast with her bestie, which was full of smiles and laughter and easy companionship.

Yeah right.

No, her breakfast with Cassian had been tense and awkward and full of internal cringing on what she was sure was both sides. Just like most of their interactions these days.

Fan-freaking-tastic.

At least she was pretty sure he didn’t completely hate her. Yeah, she was pretty sure. She thought. Sighing, she finished with getting her gear on and jogged down the stairs. Cassian was at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her. She slowed to a walk. Nesta noticed that he was watching her hips as she stalked towards him.

The corner of her mouth pulled up into a little smirk. When he saw this smirk, his brows bunched together and he said gruffly, “Let’s go.”

He turned towards the door and she scowled at his back.

*****

Cassian looked at the sun. It was a little past dawn. They weren’t going to be very late. But Nesta didn’t know that. He cast a sly glance at her and saw a scowl. It made him smirk. He had noticed she had noticed him noticing her. Nesta... Had been different. More like the Nesta he had know before the war, but still a bit different. Or maybe he was just seeing her more clearly. But either way, the feelings he had worked so hard to beat down were growing like Cauldron-cursed weeds.

“We are going to be late,” he announced.

Nesta looked at him, mildly surprised. “Are you sure?”

He nodded confidently. “We should fly.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, but approached, albeit warily. He forbade his eyes from travelling up her leather-clad body. It was hard. Especially when he suspected she was purposely swaying her hips. Wanting to end this slow torture, he stepped forward and scooped her up, bridal style.

“Hold on,” was his warning before taking off into the sky.

*****

Nesta was pretty sure that they weren’t late. But she wasn’t going to be the one to call him out on his crap and miss the opportunity to fly. Being held by Cassian aside, she wanted wings to fly. She felt so free in the air, and her problems seemed as small and insignificant as an ants’ when she glimpsed just how big the world really was. Every time she flew it sent a thrill like no other through her. Again, being held by Cassian had nothing to do with her love of flying.

That was a completely different thrill.

She instinctively tightened her grip on him when he took off, great wings thundering in her ears and vibrating through her body. His body was warm and solid, and his scent... It made her feel more alive than ever. That near-constant pull in her abdomen intensified, as if tugging her even closer to him. She tried to ignore it by watching the ground grow smaller and smaller. It was vertigo-inducing. And distracting enough from the large male currently holding her.

Thud. She thought about how magnificent his wings were.

Thud. She thought about how many times he’d almost lost them.

Thud. She looked up at the face she had unknowingly memorized.

Thud. She thought about the smaller thuds inside their chests, and how they seemed to be in sync.

Thud. She grabbed his head and kissed him.

*****

One minute he was flying semi-normally, distantly noticing Nesta looking at him strangely.

The next, his head was wrenched to the side and soft, warm lips were being pressed against his. His senses were overwhelmed with Nesta. His wings faltered and they jolted to the right, dropping abruptly as he jerked his head back to stare at her, utterly shocked.

“What the hell?!” Cassian shouted. He desperately flapped his wings, trying to level out, but his mind was whirling and Nesta was frozen in mortification so it wasn’t working very well. You can imagine. Because Nesta fucking Archeron had just kissed him.

What the hell?!

He couldnt concentrate on flying, not with the way Nesta was staring at him. Her face was turning cherry red and her eyes were wide and filled with such conflicting emotions he couldn’t think straight.

Or fly straight. (cough unfortunately for some males he settled for being straight cough)

And right now he regretted being straight in the first place.

They were losing altitude. Fast. And somehow his wings were out of sync and basically everything was a tangled mess both mentally and physically because odds were with the ground approaching like that and his wings screwy they were going to die. Nesta dug her nails into his flesh and that certainly didn't help anything. And of course because the universe hated them a strong gust of wind came out of literally no where to spin him around until they were legit tumbling out of the sky.

How to describe this moment? Delightful? Lovely?

Not even remotely, sorry. It was absolutely terrifying.

Fan-freaking-tastic.

Cassian yelled in pain as his wing twisted and Nesta’s nails drew blood from his neck. His wings strained to right them, but it was too late. They crashed through the branches, and searing pain followed the sharp ends of the sticks. It wasn't until now he remembered that he had siphons. For Cauldron’s sake he had siphons. What an idiot.

A shield of red flared around them and their fall came to an abrupt end as they hit the ground. He couldn't feel any major injuries, on him or Nesta thanks to his last second remembering.

Cauldron he was an idiot.

That was his last thought before he rolled over and kissed Nesta.

*****

Adrenaline from the terrifying fall coursed through her veins, and it felt like she was burning as Cassian rolled over top of her and kissed her. He supported his weight on a hand planted beside her head. She wrapped her arms around his neck once again and pulled herself up closer to him. Nesta had never felt this before. Her experiences with those nameless males had been sloppy and unsatisfying.

This was full of heat and fire, a passion that burned away all of those times with those other males.

Her heart hammered in her chest, and everything - her mind, her hair, her leathers- was a mess from the fall and now the exhilaration of the fact that Cassian was kissing her. Her original mortification at his initial rejection was forgotten, and all that mattered was that he was here. With her. Wild, untamed emotions consumed her until she no longer felt like Nesta Archeron, but felt more like herself than ever before. She felt complete. In a way that she had never thought she could feel. It was as if her entire existence had been building up to this moment.

The thought was too much.

She burst into hysterical laughter, forcing her to break of the kiss. Cassian looked down at her for a moment before also breaking into laughter. He collapsed beside her and laughed with her. His large, rough hand grabbed hers and together they lie on the forest floor where they had landed, and laughed. Laughed for the first time in months. Longer for Nesta. They laughed and laughed and laughed until their stomachs ached and tears streamed down their faces.

*****

They laid there for hours. Staring at the sky, holding hands and talking. Nesta quietly struggled to put into words her feelings since the war, to get Cassian to understand. Once she had started crying, Cassian had tenderly kissed her, and murmured that he did. He understood. That, as you may guess, had made her cry harder.

Now, Cassian paused their lazy kisses and just stared down at her, eyes full of emotion.

“What is it?” Nesta asked softly.

“Nesta.” His voice was choked. “I love you.”

She scrunched her forehead. “I know.”

“Do you...” He hesitated. “Do you love me too?”

She blinked. All of this, and he still wasn't sure? How stupid could he be? She frowned. “Of course I love you, you brute.” At least, thats the only answer she could come up with for how she felt. And it felt right as she said it. A relief to say it out loud.

Happiness filled his hazel eyes before it was tempered by uncertainty. “Nesta...”

Tired of his avoidance of whatever he clearly wanted to say, she snapped, “What? What are you trying to say?”

“We are mates.”

The world slowed. Everything seemed to hold its breath. She was shocked. But was she really? Come on. Looking back on everything, Nesta realized it was so obvious. She felt like a fool for not seeing it sooner. Unable to express herself with words, she pulled him down for another kiss. Then she said against his lips, “Let’s go home.”

*****

And I’ll leave what happens at home after she gives him food to your own imagination, because theres no way in hell I’m going to write smut. But I hope that was a satisfying ending. I certainly liked it. Thanks for reading :)

also if you want more fics for other ships, you can ask me. Im down for suggestions

Smiles, Holly ;)

#nessian #acotar #acofas #cassian #nesta archeron #fanfiction #illyrians #part two

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beaten-upfox · 6 years

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ii had a post about that almost 30yo person who mocked “shitty vent” artists, pilling up vent comics with cringe-culture (as thats still a thing by now) and guilt-tripping others intentionally and i wanted to add my two cents on it since it targeted me(? not specifically, just “people like me”) but my computer force restarted on me so i lost everything coherent i wrote in it; so here’s some things i wrote in using just a few broad sentences

-they said it themselves that that post wasnt supposed to be so popular, ironically, “criticizing” something so specific, and kinda popular, is going to easily get traction

-giving the benefit of the doubt and assuming they criticized JUST the people who do it to publicly to vague someone and guilt trip them when they see the post; not only that that petty attitude existed way before vent comics existed, it can also be easily ignored.

Person doesnt know u and vagues about u to seem like a victim? they dont know u, just ignore them, theyre doing just that, playing the victim. You don’t need other strangers opinions of you. Theyre strangers.

Person is a good bud/friend of yours? Ask them about it, no relationship is worth feeling like youre hurting someone you care for, if youre truly certain theyre talking about you, they probably just dont trust you as much as you’d like. Comfort them and reassure them that you want them to be open to you and they shouldnt be afraid when theyre upset

but they werent referring to that, they specifically targeted “shitty vent furries”. This happens with any fad that gains traction. They included it into cringe culture, because its not something high effort, its something (not always!) that is just feeling, intensity, scribbles; theyre just like “lol look at these weirdos theyre trying so hard to be relatable! lol its unhealthy to be this way! I pretend im caring when i really dont give a crap! I have a superiority complex lol! im a good person!” This “type” of art, of just blunt feelings or imagery is used in therapy to help the patient more often than not. And if people don’t hurt themselves or others, it’s really completely not harmful. And guess what! There are a lot of kids! That draw stuff like this, trying to figure out their emotions. Their art might not be the best or not even make any sense. Maybe to you it feels like super mundane, but for them it feels really really bad. There are a lot of mentally ill people, kids, adults!, using it as just, like i do, a way to express the “obsessive thoughts”. In the end its not the artist’s responsibility to take care of the “kids” on the internet. (aside of tagging things appropriately, it’s not their fault some just look up for this stuff? they dont want to feel alone, even if it can be toxic, but really we werent talking about this were we?)

Why did you feel the need to just categorize something into cringe culture when its something that has traction to teens and the mentally ill? (just my complete personal experience with this type of art under the readmore feel free to ignore)

in my personal experience, vent art has helped me stop so many of my worse coping mechanisms, self harm, usage of (unprescribed) drugs, smoking, drinking, not eating, just to name a few. Sure some of i still do, like smoking, not eating (unintentionally!) but ive gotten better

I’m trying to remain anonymous, i try to only talk about myself, and my experiences, i want people to know theyre not alone, but what happens with me does not mean it happens with everyone, so please dont say that im talking about everyone else’s experience ever, because im not. I’m talking about how fishy I think it is about someone talking about a petty act and targeting it towards people who most of the time use it as a coping mechanism. Dont assume the worst in people, but dont assume the best intent either.

of course it took more than just a few scribbles on a computer screen or paper, more initiative, like proper sleep and diets, people helping me. But for a huge portion of my life i didnt have anyone to help me, art has helped me get started into getting better. I wasnt shunned when i just scribbled things on paper, drew blood (as in painting not.. yknow), seeing people freely expressing themselves, no matter their skill, helped me know im not actually as alone as i thought.

I am very sleepy, this is completely out of the ordinary, but i want you to know, you who are reading this right now, when uve gotten so far into my blabberings, thank you for looking, or even listening. You don’t have to agree with me but it is what it is. People are different, and have different experiences. All im saying is that, it feels youre out of control, and when people just insult something, even if you may consider it cringey, theyre insulting a person, and youre just calling their emotions cringe. Imagine that. People are not exempt from criticism. Any type of art isnt exempt from it. But this type of “Criticism” is very specific and its really unnecessary/vague. Irony!

#beatenupfoxdiary #woooow #long post #im so sorry #self harm mention #drug mention #alcohol mention #yeah i was bothered #because people were being horrible in the notes #not only people agreeing with op #but people not agreeing with op #dont do that #i tried to like look at it from op point of view and from others'#but ofc i reached my own conclusion which was myself assuming something #but thats why it rubbed me the wrong way #discourse? not really #just another page to my diary

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viralhottopics · 7 years

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Not so haute: six writers on their biggest fashion mistakes

From tights on the beach to head-to-toe taffeta, writers reveal the outfits they regret

Kenya Hunt My version of day-to-night dressing was a night-time look worn all day

Despite working at a fashion magazine, Ive made a few sartorial mistakes. I comfort myself with the sentiment of an Instagram edict I saw: If youve never looked a little dumb, youre not having fun.

Id count the moment I met my husband as an off day, so it pains me no end that the clothes I wore have become a part of our marital lore. In his mind, the outfit is key to a story that must be retold, again and again: She wore a shiny shirt, tight jeans, big, gold hoop earrings, tall boots and a giant white furry jacket. And I said, I need to know this woman.

This visual loudness the metallics, the big proportions, the shaggy texture was my everyday look back in my late 20s, when I was living and working in New York. I dressed this way to please no one other than myself. I relished being able finally to buy and wear the labels I read about in magazines, but could never find in my suburban childhood home in Virginia.

My version of day-to-night dressing was basically a night-time look worn all day ready for whatever fun might happen later. Id think nothing of a morning commute in glittery Miu Miu heels or a gold Chlo sequin skirt. (To be fair, it was the era of high heels, flashy coats and skirts that were either very big and long, or very short.) No matter what the prevailing trend, Ive always had a soft spot for the razzle. For further proof, see this old image of me in Milan, in bright colour and print, layered on top of more colour and print.

Now, my wardrobe stands on a foundation of grey, navy and black, mostly because it suits my lifestyle and the London weather. I limit the flamboyance to my accessories (a bright shoe, big earring, bold handbag) or show it through shape, such as an enormous puffer jacket. Its just that now I choose pragmatic black rather than hot pink.

Theres a real joy that comes with loud dressing, because it requires a certain kind of go-to-hell spirit. Ive come to indulge this in a more restrained way, but I dont regret the mistakes. If I did, Id have divorced my husband a long time ago, for telling that story so very, very often.

Kenya Hunt is fashion features director of Elle.

Ruth Lewy: To think that this was my coolest look

Ruth Lewy, aged 20, with Dizzee Rascal.

It was May 2006 and I was coming to the end of my first year of university. I had just received my first proper student journalism commission: an interview with Dizzee Rascal. I borrowed a Dictaphone and hastily scrawled down three pages of uninventive questions (What is the best thing youve ever got for free?).

Now the important bit: my look. I loved Dizzee; I knew his two albums back to front and had mastered all the words to Fix Up, Look Sharp. What was I going to wear?

To think, looking back, that this was my very best outfit. My coolest look. Not one floral print top but two, a T-shirt layered over a shirt. Not one necklace, but two. (Made with beads collected while InterRailing around Europe. I know.) My curly hair was slicked back with Brylcreem. Off I went, looking like Laura Ashleys long-lost daughter.

He was courteous, holding eye contact and answering all my inane questions with grace. (The best thing he ever got for free? A lifetimes supply of trainers.) I stood up and shook his hand, and he invited me to his afterparty. The next student journalist sat down and went straight in with a question about homophobic lyrics and issues of representation in pop music, and I thought, Ohhhh, thats what journalism is.

The evening took a strange turn. My friends and I crowded into a bar on the high street, where Dizzee had a roped-off section at the back. It didnt take him long to zone in on my gorgeous friend L, persuading her to leave with him. We were agog.

Twenty minutes later, she was back, laughing her head off at the way he had clumsily propositioned her. She chose us over him.

What do I see when I look at this picture? I feel embarrassed at my choices. But Im also glad I spent my 20s dressing like a weirdo: it demonstrates a self-confidence that I dont think I appreciated at the time. These days, you could still file most of my clothes under eclectic, but Im much more careful, uninventive even. Now I tend to wear only one necklace at a time.

My interview never appeared in the end; the other journalist broke the embargo (she went on to write for the Daily Mail: go figure). I was left with only this blurry picture, a reminder of my youthful enthusiasm for floral prints, and an uncanny impression of Dizzee Rascals best chat-up line.

Ruth Lewy is assistant editor of Guardian Weekend.

Nosheen Iqbal: Everyone else on the beach was 89% naked

Nosheen Iqbal in Tuscany, aged 21.

I was a skittish 21-year-old in the mid noughties and I had, against my will, ended up on a Tuscan beach. It was the height of summer, but I was wearing thick black tights, thicker black skirt, black scarf and witchy pumps . Everyone else was dressed in 89% naked and the entire beach was rammed. Id been sent on a work trip with four other journalists who were, as far as I was concerned, super-old (fortysomething) and, I hoped, probably willing to buy my stubborn refusal to strip as some cool youth thing. (They didnt.) I made an attempt to style it out by looking casually moody, staring out to sea behind sunglasses, pretending not to notice my shoes sinking in the sand, legs looking like inky black stumps.

Why dont you take off your tights?

No.

What about if

No.

A couple of key things: the seaside was not on my itinerary and I hadnt packed for it. I didnt (and dont) own swimwear or a bikini, and I didnt (and dont) know how to swim.

Being Muslim is barely an excuse to look as daft as I did; there are chic ways to be modest by the sea childhood memories of Karachis Clifton beach were proof, where lawn cotton tunic and trousers were everyones friend. But being Muslim, plus an average level of body dysmorphia, was my bikini body ready get-out card. I knew there had to be more comfortable ways to be in public than permanently sucking my stomach in wearing what is, essentially, waterproof underwear. But 100-denier hosiery was definitely not the answer.

The general advice to give a shy 21-year-old should always be, Its not as bad as you think, to allay their disproportionate embarrassment. Except, in this case, the cringe levels are fully warranted; I havent been to a hot, sunny beach since.

Nosheen Iqbal is a commissioning editor for G2.

Morwenna Ferrier: I cant remember why I decided to cut off my hair

Morwenna Ferrier in Aldeburgh in her early 20s.

Other outfits have been more challenging. The mother-of-pearl bustier I wore to my graduation, say. Or, recently, the T-shirt printed with Valerie Solanass Scum manifesto I wore to meet a friends baby. But the outfit I am wearing here, worn on a walk along Aldeburgh beach in Suffolk, is the one I most regret.

It started a few months earlier when, in my early 20s, I decided to cut off my hair. I cant remember why. I imagine I fancied a change and, in fairness, I liked it. But then, I looked like a boy in a dress. I reacted by phasing out dresses and instead wearing drainpipes, striped T-shirts and headscarves. None of this was good. In the photo, Im wearing tight cropped trousers under the dress.

I had spent my late teens in dresses, grungy or flowery, with self-cut hems. It was a more innocent time, when I didnt really care what I wore. But the haircut triggered an anxiety.

What is it I regret? Back then it was the haircut; now, its that I ever worried about looking like a boy. I clearly hadnt been paying attention in those Judith Butler seminars; maybe I was still too attached to the binary. As my hair grew out, I started to care for the first time about how I looked. At 24, late in life, I became self-conscious.

Morwenna Ferrier is the Guardians online fashion editor.

Pam Lucas: I looked like a turkey at Christmas

Pam Lucas at a family party, aged 39.

As a single parent in the 80s, I was dirt poor. I didnt have the opportunity to make fashion faux pas because I didnt have any money. We shopped in jumble sales, and we had fun.

My family was invited to a party to celebrate my aunt and uncles golden wedding anniversary. I didnt know them that well, but my mum wanted me to impress them by looking modern. In the 80s, that meant puffy sleeves and big shoulders. My mother came with me to buy the outfit from BHS , so I had to comply. I was 39 at the time.

It was a beautiful colour between purple and lilac but I didnt like the synthetic fabric. It was watermarked all over and had a flared, taffeta skirt and a little jacket with a peplum. I looked like a turkey at Christmas, but it was such a fab party, I soon forgot how uncomfortable I felt.

In a way the outfit is a testament to my relationship with my mother. I was a grownup, with a child of my own, but she was still trying to keep hold of the mum bit of herself.

Pam Lucas is a model and appears regularly in All Ages.

Tshepo Mokoena: I settled on a vague hippy child look

Tshepo Mokoena at 19.

It would be nice if we could start over. To spare me, and others my age, a fair bit of niggling shame, by wiping all early photos from our Facebook accounts. Anyone who set up a profile between 2004 and 2009 now lugs around the digital baggage of horrible pictures of misspent youth and terrible outfits.

Case in point: this delight of a photo. I was 19, killing time between the second and third years of uni in Brighton. In a few weeks, my housemate and I would set off on an impulsive charity volunteering trip to Kerala because and I still cringe wed watched Wes Andersons The Darjeeling Limited.

Until my early 20s, my aesthetic consisted of not knowing when to edit. At 18, I would layer at least three beaded necklaces, two chunky bracelets, about 17 bangles and seven rings, for no good reason.

I attended secondary school in Harare, Zimbabwe, largely insulated from fashion, more concerned with my whizzing hormones than the latest velour tracksuit. I settled on a vague hippy child look at 15 and filled my wardrobe with earthy prints, flared denim and jewellery picked up in local markets. By 19, I looked like a substitute art teacher.

If youre old enough to have only private, analogue photography from your youth, or young enough to have crafted a near-fictional version of yourself online, youre spared the permanent reminder of your mistakes: 1,287 grim images owned by Mark Zuckerberg. I implore other twentysomethings to join me in calling for a digital purge. Its time.

Tshepo Mokoena is the editor of Noisey.