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#I mean I could do it on my phone but I don't really like doing that if I can avoid it
tan1shere · 21 hours
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I HAVE A..A FUN LITTLE IDEA!
what if sugar mommy billie x sugarbaby reader and like billie loves buying things for reader and loves just buying stuff for her and reader is kinda a bimbo but the public thinks they are polar opposite best friends. not knowing that same night reader put lingerie on that billie bought for her and billie tear it off to eat her out then later fuck her (with strap)
crazy big brain moment when thinking about if i should be a sugar baby or not
A Little Secret
Sugar mommy Billie Eilish x sugar baby fem reader !
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A/n: duhrrr omg I adore this, and GURL you're so very real for that last statement 😫 I really hope I did a good job !!!! And that you like it 😊
Summary: it was all top secret what you and billie truly were. Definitely not just friends.
Warnings: Slight age difference ? (B30,R21) fingerings, eating out, let me know if i missed anything !!
Masterlist
You could come out and just say that the two of you are dating. But people would soon realize there was something more going on. So. You both had to keep it as secret as possible. Not to mention how obvious the age gap was.
And you managed to, it was especially hard when you wanted to post and flaunt all the pretty gifts she'd get you. All you wanted to do was show how thankful you were of her. You wanted to show her off even if the situation wasn't as normal so you two see it. But you both didn't care, you were insanely happy.
One day you were getting ready to go out to the mall. You open your car door to be met with some roses and a prezzie. With a note from Billie saying.
"I wanna be the reason you slightly tilt your phone away from others when you read it" - Have a good day sweet angel ;)
That was a constant thing she'd do, leaving gifts for you, especially with a cheeky note.
"Hey Bub, look what I got." She says with the widest grin. "Whatcha get." You say sitting up from the couch. She had a black handbag in hand, it was beautiful. She turns it around, smirking as your eyes gleam at the designer symbol. You look at her, looking at that sexy smirk of hers, her eyes. You quite literally pounce at her, kissing her lips. "This is gorgeous Bill!" You beamed as you go to grab it, looking at it. The compartments.
"Exactly like you baby." You blush ever so slightly, as you keep looking at it. You were truly mesmerized. "You can use it for our date night tomorrow." She then says leaning on the couch. "Where are we going!?" You had so much enthusiasm she adored it. It made her feel truly happy. "It's a surprise my love." You sit there and think for a moment. "Alright, but I know wherever it is I'll love it." She smiles more. "I know you will."
Tonight was the night, you were currently in the bathroom lining your lips before you put the soft red lipstick on. She comes up behind you, kissing your neck. "You look so good. Smell great too." You giggle as her breath tickles your skin. "So do you!" She soon looks at you through the mirror. "Kinda don't even want to go for food now, I mean. You look pretty tasty." She bites your neck, causing another giggle to rumble from you. "Bill." - "You'll be calling me something completely different by the time I'm done with you."
A blush spreads widely across your cheeks, even more considering the slight blush you already wore. She then turns you around once your lipstick was applied. Grabbing your hand gently and kissing it. "Howd I get so lucky. Daym." You kiss her cheek. "I'm so grateful for you." You say sweetly. "Ready?" You nod as she takes your hand in hers again, taking you to the car.
The place she took you to was beautiful, the building was dimly lit. Only source of light was coming from a few on the ceiling, and the tall, skinny candles on the tables. You and Billie sit down, tucking your feet under the red velvet table cloth. Billie would always make sure the places she took you to were secluded. Just in case any eyes saw. Of course it could've been just two friends. But with the way you two were both dressed, a blind man would spot that from a mile away.
The evening was great, everything so still, calm and quiet. Soaking up the luxury of the building and the atmosphere. When you were both ready to go she grabs your hand leading you out to the car, like always she opens the door for you. Letting you get in before it closes, and she's making her way to the driver's side.
The ride is peaceful you had the window rolled down enjoy the slight breeze. You then get the idea to stick your head out, maneuvering your body out of the seat belt, having your back slightly out of the car. Having it rest there. Your hands grip the upper part of the car, leaning your head back as the wind blows through your hair. But as you got into the position you're in currently. You were unaware of the fact your dress had ridden up ever so slightly. Giving Billie the most perfect view of your black lace underwear.
Specifically the ones she bought you just recently. You hadn't worn them yet so it cones as a surprise to her eyes. She had to stay focused on driving but God how it hugged your pussy so delicately. She couldn't tear her eyes away. She eventually did, knowing you guys were almost home. The things this woman was about to do. She truly wasn't kidding earlier on.
That's exactly how you ended up here, sprawled on the black fuzzy sheets. The softness of the fabric against you skin only adding to Billies actions. Which currently was teasing. Your whine was heard for maybe the 5th time now. But she needed to savor this. Your taste your scent. Her face was right infront of your cunt, having her nose bump your clit purposefully. Sending you absolutely mental.
"Billie-" Your whiney voice echoed throughout her ears, her mind. Her soul. And all movement stops. Her eyes look straight up at you warningly. Your breath only gets caught in your throat, knowing where you fucked up. But too fucked out to correct. Her figure was still as anything, awaiting the propper words. Until you're whining again. Her head just shakes.
"That's no way to talk to me sweetheart." Her finger taps your thigh gently. "Do you not want this?" She knew damn well you did, but she needed you to say the word, needed you to address her properly.
"What do you call me baby. Go on, be good."
A small whimper is heard. Her finger slowly coming in line with your entrance making you snap out of your dazed state.
"Mommy."
"Louder." Her finger slides into you.
"Mommy!" You screech slightly, having your mouth hang open.
"Good. Girl."
She notices your reaction as she kisses around your pussy. "Don't forget to breathe." She whispers sexily, so slow with her words too. Her own breath fanning against the skin of your swollen cunt.
And that's all it took, for her fingers to move so insanely fast inside you. Her mouth coming to suck on your pussy lips, biting just a tiny bit. Your head flew back again, eventually feeling her soft hands move up your torso, so slowly, every action. Reaching a breast and squeezing. Your head starts to spin, her movements rapid.
Everything was happening in the speed of light as your orgasm approaches quick. Sending your head right back into the pillows as her tongue relentlessly moves against your clit. "Mommy, please let me cum.. please." Your breath was nothing but short finding any thought in your brain to be dead. She hums against you the vibrations not helping with the fact you had to hold on, until she grants you that permission you so helplessly need. "Mommy!" You scream out. "Cum." She growls against you.
Billie was so caught up in it she actually hadn't heard your voice asking. Her hands were gripped tightly around your thighs most definitely creating a mark. The way you smelt was like a drug, addictive. And the taste she could already feel on the tip of her tongue. "Need more." She then moans into you, desperate to taste you properly. You hadn't even overcome the last euphoric feeling.
When you feel her tongue stick deep inside you. Your eyes roll all the way back at this new feeling, her tongue was so warm and wet. Mixing with your previous orgasm. The way you tasted makes her own eyes roll back. If anything she was enjoying this more than you. Not to say you weren't, wriggling with pleasure underneath her. "T-too m-uhg!" A moan gets caught along your words as her finger move to spread your folds open, wide. Her tongue moving in and out of you faster. You were so loose currently and she was adoring it.
Loving how easily her tongue was slipping in. Your hole feeling stretched around her tongue. You begin to shake as the second one is coming, her nose bumping your clit as she moves. Making your brain fuzz over with pure pleasure. You gush into her mouth having her drink you like a thirsty dog, your body giving out in the process. She could care less that you didn't ask. Cuz like an addict she's not stopping tonight. Or ever.
She was going to drink you dry.
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doloresbutitsdolly · 18 hours
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Losing My Innocence
TW: no established relationship, up to no good antics, pining for each other, adult time 🙏
He's driving around, with you as his little passenger princess. He glances to you occasionally, admiring those tinted cheeks and lips of yours. You pretend to not notice; pretending to be busy singing to the songs on the radio. But part of you wished he did more; wish he'd put his hand on your thigh, maybe even hold your hand.
He gets a call from you in the middle of the night, asking if you could meet up and do something to distract you from your stressful life. He's outside within 20 minutes, wearing that jacket he usually does when it's cold outside and leaning against his car. He takes a look at your clothes, undressing you with those eyes of his that you find yourself staring into.
"Where are we going?" you asked as you slumped into the car seat.
"I don't know. We'll see, angel."
You pull up to a convenience store, one with shitty lighting. He gets out and buys two bottles of soda and gives one to you. You guess this is where you're hanging out now. You sip your drink, chewing on the straw as you watch him text on his phone. Surprisingly, he asks what's got you so stressed out. You hesitate, fearing he might be asking a rhetorical question. But when he looks at you with those eyes, you slowly let yourself open up.
You're in the back seat, losing what's left of your innocence with him. He's rough, he is a tough guy after all. But you can't help but melt when he gently pulls you closer, getting you more comfortable to lie flat on the seats than have your head pressing against the car door. It's times like these where you forget how stressful life is and how good it is to just, feel. You hated how draining life had to be, all you wanted was this- No, all you ever wanted was him. Him and his bitchy attitude. Him and his "do I look like I give a fuck". Him. His hair, his body, his voice. You wanted him. The question was if he wanted you.
As you're fixing you're ruined makeup he drags a finger across your lips, purposely messing it up. You swat his hand away, before angrily putting on another layer of lipstick. He chuckles as he leans back, watching you again. You couldn't help but feel giddy, it's like he's your lover. Oh, how you wanted him to be your boyfriend. You were almost desperate. But even if the feelings were mutual, life is full of shit and the consequences would have you drowning in even more problems.
You're home, now. His fingers tap against the wheel. You don't move, wondering how you can still drag the time.
"Something the matter?" he asks
Shit, does he know what you're doing? You shake your head.
"Ya' want another round?" he asked, smirking. You smack him, mumbling about being busy tomorrow and not having time to limp around. He grabs your wrists, yanking you to his face. Lips inches apart, you could feel his hot breath.
"No kiss goodbye? A bit mean, especially from a sweetheart like you." he whispered.
You pressed your lips onto his, cupping his face and pulling him close. He doesn't hesitate, not even for a moment. He runs his fingers through your hair, before settling on your face. You pull away, breathless now.
"Goodnight, angel. Call me if you need anything."
.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.
Dolly's note: was listening to diet pepsi by Addison Rae and got inspired. Also because there's this person i really like but i shouldn't lmfao. Do yall relate to me or am i just cray cray?
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fakeboycorrection · 2 days
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Fakeboy story time! This one's a long one, so I'm sure some of you dumber, hornier fakeboys will have to read it in multiple sittings.
Kai had always known that they were nonbinary, ever since they were young. People had always tried putting them in dresses, or getting them into makeup, but it had never felt right. Though, to be fair, typical masculine things had never felt right either. They just didn't feel like they were drawn towards either of those. And though they didn't have a word for it for the longest time, when they first heard about enby people, they knew that's where they belonged.
Going off to college was great for them. Kai had become part of a community of plenty of other trans people, learning about the culture and understanding that gender wasn't some binary thing based on genitals, but something on a spectrum that couldn't be encapsulated with just the simple terms that they had learned growing up. As Kai educated themselves, they grew more and more into a leadership role. Eventually, they even became the president of a group on campus dedicated to spreading the trans rights movement, focused on educating people and allowing themselves to liberate themselves from the restrictions of their genders, just like Kai had been, years ago. They spoke at events, handed out pamphlets, and spent long nights staying up with their trans friends, being a shoulder to cry on as they would start their journey into transitioning.
Of course, Kai also got up to some fun activities on their own, outside of these movements. As a young, sexually liberated enby, they were always looking for some ways to have fun with others and in private. Though they considered themselves a lesbian, and had plenty nice encounters with girls on campus, they had a lot more fun spending some late nights in their dorm room, masturbating to porn online. Some of it was more tame, some of it was more kinky, but it was always uplifting to women and enbies, showing the ways that their bodies could be used to empower themselves, sharing pleasure with the world. Kai loved it, getting deeper and deeper down these rabbit holes, until one day discovering a forum of people that used remotely controlled toys to connect with others around the world, allowing them to control vibrators and choose when to give pleasure out. Kai rushed off to the store, getting one, and logging back into the forum for some fun. They had a lot of fun with girls around the world, even some from different countries, until one day having an interesting encounter with an anonymous account from the site.
"Hey, you interested in some fun?" Was the message they'd received. Kai looked at the account it came from, but it was mostly blank, just saying that it was from a man who was about their age.
"Hi, sorry, I'm usually only into girls and enbies. Hope you have fun with someone else!" They replied, trying to let him down easy. They were about to set their phone down when they got another message.
"Haha, really? I mean, it all happens through a vibrator, and my account doesn't even have a face on it. You could pretend I'm anyone." Kai considered it for a moment. They were really horny after all, and they hadn't gotten any other requests. They decided to indulge, sticking their vibrator into their pants until it was positioned snuggly on their clit.
"Fine, let's get this going, oh mystery man." They smirked slightly, knowing that it would be fun regardless.
"See, there's a good toy." He replied. Kai felt the vibrator turn on, feeling like it was at max strength, causing an involuntary gasp to come out of their mouth. After taking a moment to collect themselves, they replied.
"Wow, going full force off the bat? Don't you know how to properly tease an enby?"
"Oh I know how to. Just giving you a taste of it, so you'll know what you're missing when I do this." And suddenly, the vibrations disappeared completely.
"Hey hey hey! I didn't mean take it away completely!" Kai sent quickly, wanting the pleasure back immediately.
"Then I guess you shouldn't have been so bratty. Apologize, and you can have it back." Kai rolled his eyes and sent a message back.
"Ugh, fine. I'm sorry." Kai waited for a second, but nothing happened. They checked their phone.
"Now, is that any way to apologize to the guy controlling your cunt? Have some manners." They read. Kai wanted to roll their eyes again, but actually felt something stirring inside them at reading that. They decided to take it seriously.
"Okay, I'm really sorry sir. It won't happen again." They replied. Immediately, the vibrator flipped back on, but only to about half strength. It wasn't perfect, but Kai wasn't going to risk losing it again by talking back.
"There we go, that's better. You look so cute in your profile pic. You shouldn't put such a bratty scowl on it." Kai shuddered with a bit more pleasure. They'd forgotten they'd posted a pic of themselves on there. Whoever this man was, he could see exactly what the toy he was playing with looked like.
"Oh come on, you get to see me, but I don't get to see you?" Kai responded, relishing the small amount of pleasure in their pussy. After a few moments a new message popped up, not text, but a picture of the mystery man's cock.
"You like what you see? I might not post my face on here, but I'd argue this is better." Kai stared at the pic for a moment in shock. It was a sizable cock, bigger than any of the toys they'd used in the past. Right after he sent the pic, the man turned the vibrator up, sending more pleasure into Kai's hole.
"Hey! That's not fair, asking if I like something, then turning the vibe up. Now I basically have to say yes..." Kai moaned slightly again. Though they'd only ever been fucked with straps before, they had to admit, the cock did look enticing.
"The only part of that message I choose to acknowledge is the "Yes". But I think we both already knew that was the answer, didn't we? :)" Kai chuckled to themselves. This guy was smug, but he wasn't wrong. This was already the most turned on they'd been while using this site, and the night had barely started.
"Yeah, you're right, okay... sir? Please, give me some more pleasure. I'll even say more nice things for you, like "sir". Kai responded, partially doing it to get more pleasure, but partially because it felt so good to be submissive. They hadn't talked to someone with this level of dominance in quite a while.
"Mmm, I do like hearing the title, but I think there's some other things you can say to earn more vibrations. Some more fun things... Some things you might not want to say..." Kai looked at their phone with a hint of apprehension, but upon feeling the vibrations drop once more, they responded.
"Like what, sir?" They replied quickly, hoping to get the vibrator turned back up as soon as possible.
"Admit that I turn you on more than any girl ever has." He replied.
Kai stared at their phone for a moment. This guy wasn't serious, right? They responded.
"Oh come on. That's not even true, I've been with plenty of girls. You're good, but you're not better than literally all of them." After sending this, the vibrations in Kai's hole disappeared completely. They frantically messaged again.
"Wait wait wait, turn it back up!"
"Not until I hear what I want to hear." He responded. Kai looked down at their leaking, needy hole, then looked back at their keyboard before typing out the next message.
"Alright, fine. You're... better than any girl I've been with... I'll say it, even if I don't believe it." Kai immediately felt the vibrator turn back up to full power, sending another involuntary moan out of their mouth.
"There we go, that wasn't so hard, now was it? And don't worry, by the end of this, that statement will be true. Trust me." Kai was starting to get annoyed at this guy's smug attitude, but had to admit. It felt a little good to say such dirty things. They'd always been attracted to people with vaginas, so saying that a man was better than them felt like something of a taboo. A good taboo. After a minute or so of relishing in the pleasure, Kai felt the vibrator slowly starting to decrease in power. They messaged back once more.
"Wait! Why are you turning it down??"
"You earned a minute for saying that. You earn more if you say more. That seems fair, doesn't it." Kai didn't feel like holding back anymore.
"Very fair, yes sir! Just give me more..."
"There we go, much better. I'll tell you what. I'll give you five minutes if you admit that you feel like more of a girl than a man."
Kai looked at this message, confused. They replied quickly, trying to get through this before the vibrator turned off completely.
"What do you mean? I'm an enby. I'm not a man or a girl."
"Yeah, but if you had to pick one, you'd say you're closer to a girl, wouldn't you?" Kai stared at this, thinking about it for a moment. Though they were an enby, they had to admit, they were more feminine than anything. This was just an admittance of that, more than anything.
"Fine, I admit. I'm closer to a girl than a man." Kai responded, feeling another wave of pleasure hit them as the vibrator turned back on. For some reason, this wave felt even more intense than the last.
"See, you're so easy to convince. And you have to say, it feels good to admit that you're a girl, doesn't it?" He replied.
"Hey, I didn't say that. I said I'm closer to a girl than a man. I'm still nonbinary." Kai replied. Though, reading "You're a girl" did send a strange twinge down their body.
"Sure, sure. I'm sure you're not thinking about how you're secretly just a slutty girl. I'm sure it doesn't turn you on to think about admitting that to me, a man, someone you're not even supposed to be turned on by in the first place." Reading that, Kai moaned again. They didn't even fully understand their own feelings at this point, yet it seemed like this man was speaking their thoughts before they could even think them.
"Fuck, how did you know what I was thinking? Also, still not fair! I'm only turned on by that stuff because you're pleasuring my hole when I was thinking about it." Kai responded, denying the allegations as best as possible.
"Maybe, but why were you thinking those things in the first place? Maybe those thoughts are more true than you realize..." Kai read this, getting even more turned on, feeling like they were getting closer and closer to an orgasm. At this point, they didn't care if it was true or not, they just needed to get pushed over that edge.
"Fine, maybe you're right, just please make me cum sir! I'll be a good little enby, or a good girl, just for tonight if you let me!" They responded, knowing that they were closing in on the end of their five minutes.
"Mmm, I don't know about that..." He responded. Kai felt a wave of despair as the pleasure started to fade from their pussy. "But I'll tell you what. If you can think of the most vile, humiliating, pathetic thing that you can admit to me, and promise me that you'll consider actually believing it, I'll let you cum..."
Kai was desperate at this point, so they gave in almost immediately. "I'm a girl. I'm a girl for you and I want to serve your wishes, sir!"
"That's not nearly enough..." He responded. Kai felt the pleasure disappearing even more. They continued, getting more desperate as the orgasm started to seem unreachable.
"Okay, um... I'll never be a man, or an enby! I'll always be a girl! A straight girl a cis girl, who thinks men like you are superior!" Kai held out hope, but the pleasure continued to disappear.
"Not quite enough... I need even more than that, pretty girl..." Kai was on the verge of tears at this point, desperate to cum. So desperate, that she decided to give in, and let out her deepest, darkest, most real thoughts and fears.
"I'll never be an enby because it's all bullshit! None of us are nonbinary, we're all just attention seeking sluts that need men like you to fuck us! Please sir, I'm just a desperate, slutty girl that needs your cock in me to fix me. Please please cum in me so I can cum, knowing that I'm serving my true purpose as girl, please a cis, straight man's cock! That's all that any of us trans whores want!" Right as she sent it, Kai felt a warm wave of pleasure flow into her cunt. Strangely enough, the pleasure hit her before the vibrator even turned on, though it did turn back on in the end, launching her over the edge and giving her the best orgasm of her life. She came, moaning like a girl, barely able to see as the next message came into her phone. She sat there for minutes, trying to get over the massive shocks of pleasure that kept flowing through her body. Eventually, she managed to regain her composure, panting with her tongue out, and picked up her phone. The next message she read made her heart skip a beat, and the needy, aching feeling in her cunt return.
"Good girl, cumming for me. Your moans sounded beautiful, but you're being a bit loud. I'm in the room above you. Come on up and see how a real man treats a girl, little Miss. "Trans Rights Club" President.
She'd never felt fear like she did at that moment. And she had never felt as horny as she did, walking to the stairs, and heading up into his room.
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lemoncrushh · 2 days
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Show Me Your Texts, or It's Over
Summary: Harry finds out you've been in contact with your ex and gives you an ultimatum.
Warnings: angst, maybe a little gaslighting
Word Count: 1889
A/N: From my 2016 collection. This was based on a prompt selected by a reader. Very angsty. You won't like Harry in this, and maybe not y/n either. I almost didn't repost it, but please don't take it too seriously.
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You hurried outside to your car, the summer heat threatening to burn you through your black shirt. You felt the vibration of your phone in your hand, alerting you of yet another text from Harry. He'd been texting you all morning and throughout your lunch break. It had started off as a harmless conversation of missing each other when he'd reminded you what time his flight arrived. You'd been apart for over a week, resolving to short late night phone chatter until one of you fell asleep, or the occasional text that left you cold and flat. Needless to say, you were dying to see him.
As the morning progressed, however, so did the texts. His flight was delayed due to weather. He wasn't sure if he'd make it in time to go home and change, so he'd asked to meet you at the dinner party. You argued back and forth, insisting that you were fine with being a bit late if it meant you could go together.
You knew without a doubt that this text that had just arrived was him telling you otherwise, but you were already running late and needed to get back to work. You'd been excited for and anticipating his return, but now you were just frustrated and perturbed.
Tossing your purse and your phone in the passenger seat, you drove back to work. It wasn't until you were settled back in your desk, running your hands through your hair with a sigh, that you decided to examine his newest text. You were surprised, however, when you noticed the name. It wasn't from Harry. It was from your ex-boyfriend, John.
Biting your lip, you swiped the screen to read the text.
Working hard, or hardly working?
You chuckled, texting him back quickly.
Neither. Just got back from lunch.
Damn, I was hoping to persuade you to meet me for a bite.
You grinned at your screen. John had texted you out of the blue two weeks ago. At first you were apprehensive about talking to him again. He'd been the one to break off the relationship, claiming he wasn't ready to commit. You'd taken that to mean he wanted to be free to screw around, so you'd given him the boot. Although you held your head up high, you'd been hurt, your self-esteem lacking. That is, until you'd met Harry. Harry had been the solace that you'd needed, lifting you up repeatedly by his words as well as his actions.
When John came clean with you in his texts, apologizing and admitting that you deserved much more than he had given, you'd decided to bury the hatchet. There was no point in being bitter about it, and you forgave him, not so much for his sake, but for yours.
One thing you hadn't done, though, was tell Harry about it. It wasn't really that you were trying to hide it from him, but you didn't want it to become a big deal. Harry knew how John had treated you. You'd told him repeatedly, and a couple of times had cried in his arms over it. So telling him this same ex that had made you cry was now texting you like an old friend...probably wouldn't be a good idea.
Sorry, you texted John back. Raincheck?
Better yet, how about you meet me for drinks later?
You gritted your teeth, not sure how to answer. Asking for a raincheck on lunch was one thing. Lunch you could do. Probably. But drinks after work? Besides, you needed to run straight home after work to get ready for this dinner party with Harry.
As though he knew you were thinking of him, Harry's name popped up with a new text.
Flight's been delayed longer. I should be home about 7.
Just as you were about to reply, another text alert from John popped up.
How does Margo's sound?
You swallowed hard, trying to decide who to answer first. Quickly, you typed out a message for John.
Sorry, I can't tonight. Harry's coming home.
As soon as you hit send, your eyes about popped out of your head. You'd sent it to the wrong person! Shit!
You saw the three little dots pop up, indicating Harry was typing.
What??
Calming yourself down, you decided to play it cool. It was an accident. He had no idea who the message was for.
Haha sorry baby. I was talking to a friend. Didn't mean to send that to you. I'll see you at 7.
Ok
Making sure you had John's text open then, you politely declined, sending him the text you'd originally intended to.
Oh ok then, John sent back. Maybe some other time. Have fun!
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"[Y/N]!" you heard Harry call from the front of the house.
"You're home!" you squealed from the bedroom.
You'd hoped to meet him at the door, greeting him with lavish kisses, but right then you were in an awkward position on the bed, trying to buckle your high-heeled strappy sandal.
"Hi, beautiful," he said in a low tone.
You looked up to see him standing in the doorway. Temporarily dismissing your buckle, you stood to meet him halfway, wrapping your arms around him.
"Mmm, I've missed you," you murmured against his chest.
"I missed you, too," he echoed, "and you look gorgeous."
"What, this old thing?" you playfully scoffed, stepping back to allow him to view your ensemble completely.
A sexy grin spread across his face while he set his suitcase against the wall.
"I'll hurry and get ready. Wish I had time for a shower."
"Go ahead," you insisted. "I don't mind waiting."
"No, love, we're already late. I'll just change."
You sat back down on your bed, grabbing your phone while Harry undressed. You'd gotten a couple of texts from John earlier. When you'd told him you were getting ready for a dinner party, he'd asked you to send a picture. You thought it was a little odd at first, but so far he hadn't said anything that made you feel uneasy. You'd sort of slipped into this comfortable friend zone unexpectedly. So a few minutes before Harry had arrived, you'd sent John a selfie in your dress. He had yet to reply.
Tossing your phone on the bed, you stood and walked to the vanity to put your earrings on. As you were adjusting the second one, Harry passed by the bed.
"Who's John?" he inquired, shoving his arms into a clean shirt.
"What?" you turned to look at him. You noticed then he was inspecting your phone.
"You just got a text from a John," he added.
Oh no.
"'Wow, you look amazing!'" Harry quoted, reading the text that John had apparently sent. "'Sexy as hell!'"
Your entire body trembled as he lifted his head to glare at you.
"Who the fuck is John?" he repeated, his voice rising.
"Um..." you sucked in your lips, wringing your hands.
"Not your bloody ex boyfriend!" Harry nearly shouted, his eyes narrowed.
"Baby-" you started, but Harry interrupted you.
"You're talking to him again? After what he did to you?"
"Harry," you swallowed, stepping towards him. "Let me explain."
His face showed no sign of willingness to listen to any explanation though he remained rooted in his spot.
"He's been texting me a little," you admitted.
"A little?" Harry raised a brow. "For how long?"
"A couple weeks."
"A couple weeks?! Were you gonna tell me?"
You looked down at your hands, wishing you had something in them to hold.
"I thought you'd be mad," you said meekly.
"Well you were right about that!" Harry turned away from you, running a hand through his hair. "Fuck!"
"Harry, I'm sorry," you muttered sincerely. "But I swear, it's harmless."
He swung around, his eyes shooting daggers at you. "Harmless, huh?"
"Yes. He wanted to apologize for everything. I told him I appreciated and accepted his apology, and we just got to talking about what we've been up to, you know, like catching up. I told him about you and-"
"You've told him about me," Harry interrupted.
"Yes! He knows all about you. He knows you were coming home today and we were going to a party."
"Is that..." he paused, "is that who you were texting earlier today? When you sent me the wrong text?"
The look on his face told you he did not find it funny in the least, regardless of your trying to play it off like you had. You opened your mouth to retort, but decided it wasn't worth it.
"Yes," you sighed.
"Shit," Harry dropped his shoulders. He blinked slowly before reaching for your phone.
"Let me see the texts," he demanded.
"What?" you asked incredulously.
"The texts from him. Your conversations."
Anger building in your chest, you grabbed your phone out of his hand.
"No!" you glared at him. "That's ludicrous!"
"Why? Because you have something to hide?"
"No, I-"
"Then show them to me, [Y/N]."
You stood silent for a moment before shaking your head slowly.
"Show me your texts, or it's over," said Harry.
"You can't be serious," you contended, your voice just a whisper.
"Dead serious."
"You..." you began, but quickly surrendered, handing him the phone. "Fine."
You sunk down onto the bed while Harry scrolled through your text messages from John. You knew there was nothing wrong with them. It was the principal. Harry didn't trust you, and that angered and disappointed you.
You focused on Harry's belt buckle while he stood before you. You felt like a child. You didn't appreciate it. You loved Harry and you would never to anything to sabotage your relationship. A tear dropped in your lap, wetting your dress before you even realized you'd been crying. Sniffling, you stood up again to reach for a tissue on the vanity.
"[Y/N]," you finally heard Harry mutter. He cleared his throat. "Baby, I'm sorry."
You turned and looked at him, your eyebrows raised. He lowered the phone, dropping it on the bed. Then he stepped closer to you, reaching for your hands.
"I'm so sorry," he declared again. You noticed a glint of a tear in his right eye.
"I was telling the truth," you said.
"I know," Harry bit his lip, the side of his mouth turning up. "You mentioned me a lot."
"I did," you nodded.
"And you said you're madly in love with me."
"I did."
"And that you're happy. For the first time in your life."
You blinked. "Yes, I did."
"God," Harry ran a hand through his hair again. "I was a jealous prat."
You giggled softly before placing your hands on his chest. "What on earth do you have to be jealous about?"
Harry grinned. "I mean...I still kinda think he's trying something. But I like how you sidestep him every time."
"Because I don't want him, Harry," you conveyed. "I want you. Only you."
You gazed into his eyes until he slipped his hands under your ears and lowered his mouth to capture yours.
"I really missed you," he murmured. "Maybe too much. It's made me do something I never thought I'd do."
"I'm yours, baby," you promised. "You don't have to worry about a thing."
You slid your hands down his torso.
"Except maybe about being late for dinner."
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MASTERLIST | KO-FI | FEEDBACK
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aboringredmop · 1 day
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k still don't know how im gonna post the videos (YouTube? unlisted?someone please help) but I can't sleep so I thought it'd write down whatever I remember happening!
(edit: here's the full recording! )
Becky and Joe walked on stage wearing sunglasses and red leather jackets and threw 3 of the trio plushies into the crowd. didn't get one unfortunately but it's really cool some people got free plushies :)
they made this robot child called the Inspiration Child, who's clearly meant to be a nod to ai (can learn from our show and generate it's own content!)
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they explained how they met (and had some dodgy animated retelling), and how they started with small projects like commercials and music videos, until they came up with designs of the trio (and a mysterious fourth fella)
they made the designs first, then made the set, then the song and finally wrote the script for creativity. red guy was just a red mop head with legs at first ("alien squid thing") but Joe put the red guy head on for shits and giggles once and Becky thought it was hilarious so they kept it in the show
they were really not expecting it to blow up, and when Sundance called because they wanted to show creativity Becky thought it was a scam caller lol
they talked about the kickstarter and the credit card fraud kid. the mailed him saying "hey maybe dont do that" but the kid didnt know how to undo it cuz he just found a website full of credit card information and went ham, so Becky and Joe had to contact kickstarter because people were pulling out of the funding because they thought the project was overfunded (kickstarter was very difficult to contact)
they also made (lighthearted) fun of nsfw fluffybird art ((no padlock 😔) "using OUR characters to act out their SICK FANTASIES" - Becky) and theorists, especially because most if not all of the webseries is just them fucking around.
Inspiration Child also says something along the lines of "wow what a cool show with a great message of how corrupt the media is. I hate the media!"
Becky and Joe had these rules to make the show as vague as possible (no pop culture references, no names, no swearing and way too much detail put into small things)(the duck guy drag queen absolutely obliterates the no swearing rule lol)
they talk about the pilot, how they focused too much on the story because they felt like they had to due to it being on the big screen now, and how it ended up ruining the atmosphere and such of the pilot. they did show the entire thing sped up but my phone sucks ass so I could not get it to focus correctly. I'll see what I can salvage so you people can dissect frames of your blorbo you're Legally Not Allowed To See (which is also the official reason we don't get the pilot)
also pilot concept art showed that Mean Steve is in fact just called Key
they showed a whole post-it wall full of ideas for the tv show. don't know how much I got on footage, but what stood out most to me were 2 episodes called Money and Christmas. Joe mentioned "clock in a wheelchair" specifically
also really fun fact. Becky made the Lesley suit during covid, and pretty much threatened Baker into writing a human character into the show to wear it. concept art also shows Lesley with a mask made out of the same fabric, don't know if this was part of the original suit tho
they showed Warrens old models (?). he was gonna be a wayy more ugly looking silicone pug-worm thing y'all got lucky with the bald fuck
lily and todney were directly based off of some cancelled show about two porcelain doll children with panda parents. do not for the life of me remember what it was called but Becky and Joe were very enthousiastic about it (UPDATE: Candy and Andy!)
international release of the show soon!
Inspiration Child talks about what he's learned and sings a little song, then generates his own dhmis inspired content of a cult meeting in a forest at night. the dhmis Discord server called this "potential new content" but I doubt it
3 cultists walk on stage, face the screen backs to the crowd, drop their cloaks and boom! drag queens!!!
they were not mentioned on the site or during earlier parts of the show at all so they were a complete surprise. I asked Becky about it later during the night and she said she really wanted them there, so she asked and they were excited to! hope this means more official content with them soon I love them
they dance to There's Three Of Us, then Duck lipsings the shredder song which turns into a techno remix while Red and Yellow dance during the background
then Duck and Yellow make out while Red tries to undress to the instrumentals of the Fucked Up Part of Creativity but can't get out of his suit on time before the song ends
the drag queens, Becky and Joe and the Inspiration Child walk around during the meet and greet later and I got signatures from all of them! except inspiration child he didn't have thumbs
the drag queens were so fucking funny. Duck adopted inspiration child and loudly yelled at everyone to "GET AWAY FROM MY FUCKING CHILD" (their duck voice is sooo good). yellow stood in a corner staring at a wall for like 10 minutes and red was constantly awkwardly hovering just outside the frames of pictures (and also could not see shit lmao)
Becky liked my shirt! (the one with the melting trio heads) said she handdrew it
I'll post the signatures and some more stuff tomorrow because it is. 5 am
edit Heres the signatures! yellow guys is Italian I think? and means hi I love you :)
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(the liyskaen is duck trying to spell my name. they got pretty close)
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roguishcat · 2 days
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WIP Thursday
💕 Thank you so much for tagging me @busy-baker! 💕
I wasn’t going to start anything new. My WIP folder is bursting at the seams. But I daydreamed about this so much that it started writing itself. So here we are! Modern AU (Astarion x Tav)
“Well hello there, darling,” he purred, knowing that this line alone would be enough to ignite most fires.
"Um... I don't usually do this. I mean- I've never-"
Astarion rolled his eyes. They all said that.
I would never do something like this.
This is my first time.
My finger slipped and my phone accidentally dialled this number.
Most of the time it was all an act, of course. In his experience, people wanted to have their cake and eat it to. To have him, or his voice rather, and to feel that they were not the type to engage with someone like him.
Except this one sounded like she was about to hang up and Astarion couldn’t have that. A job was a job, so he would perform as well for this one as for any other customer.
"Don't you worry, my sweet. I will take very, very good care of you.”
“I’m sure you would,” she laughed nervously, “but actually that’s not why I’m calling."
“Oh? Do enlighten me then. Why are you calling?”
“I just want to talk. As in, talk talk. Like, chat for a bit.”
Okay, she was nervous and needed to be eased into it. He could work with that.
“We can do anything and everything you like. Although are you sure that you want to waste precious moments on talking about inconsequential nothings? My mouth can be used for all sorts of other, wicked things.”
“Whilst this sounds lovely, I just want to chat.”
“Chat?” he said a little harsher than he meant to. This was ridiculous. He did not chat! But then again, did it really matter? He supposed it was her money down the drain.
No pressure tags 💖 (sorry if you've already been tagged!): @clazberryk, @preciouslittlebhaalbae, @lanafofana, @waterdeep-weavemoss, @silent-words,
@verbenaa, @xxnashiraxx,
@obsessedwhyyes, @inkymoonbunny,
@honeybee-bard, @marlowethebard
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ideasarestuckinmyhead · 14 hours
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Hello! I really liked the short story you wrote of Seth and Al’s reaction with sb’s ex, so I wanted to ask if you could do one with Finn and sunflowers’s toxic ex?
Oh, ew it's you again.
TW: toxic ex, mentioned past stalking, mentioned death threats, past break up, idk how to feel about this bc of writer's block hopefully y'all enjoy this!!
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"Hey Finn, I got your shirt-" Greeting their boyfriend, Sunflower looks up and sees their ex. With Finn looking very uncomfortable, using the shopping cart to have space between them.
"(Y/N), great your here-" Smiling at them, Sunflower sighed loudly and reached for their phone. "Wait- no please don't call the police-"
Trying to speak again, panicking the ex tries to reach for them. But Finn pushed the shopping cart into her, causing the woman to glare at him. Continuing to call the police Sunflower smiled a bit as Finn blocked them from her line of sight.
"I have a restraining order against you. So, yes, Aliyah I'm calling the police. This is what the third time you've tried to do this shit." Rolling their eyes, Sunflower smiled at Finn who got in front of them. He tried his best to look intimidating, the blonde even started moving them to where more people where.
"Come on, Sunflower. Let's go over here. In case she tries to do something to us." Whispering, Finn gently guided his partner to the check out area. A few shoppers around them heard the commotion and started watching a bit.
"I still can't believe you got that stupid restraining order! It's just a paper! Plus I didn't mean any of the threats I told you! Come on you know I love you-" Rambling Aliyah tried grabbing for you again and Finn slapped her hand. Causing the ex to freeze and look at him like he was the crazy one.
"Yes. I did just hit you. Back up, you don't have any right to be by my partner or me. You sent them death threats because they broke up with you. So, if you do try to touch MY partner again, I will hit you." Calmly explaining, Finn saw the stores security coming to them. Some bystanders started telling Aliyah off and Sunflower just smiled as it all went down.
Store security dragged Aliyah away and some of the people asked if the couple were okay. Being tired Sunflower let Finn explain the situation, how Aliyah has been trying to contact them over the years after the break up. How there was stalking, death threats and gifts sent to them to the point they had to move like three times.
The police showed up, everyone who saw Aliyah go to Sunflower gave a statement and the ex was ushered away. Finn held the bags of stuff they were there to originally buy before being interrupted rudely. Walking to the car, the couple check it to see if anything was tampered with.
"Hopefully, this time she'll get it through her fucking head I don't want her." Grumbling, Sunflower got inside and sat in the passenger seat. Tears weld up in their eyes, they were so tired of this shit. Finn frowned and pulled out the snack he bought to cheer them up.
"I know, but she did get arrested. Let's just go home and relax then figure this out tomorrow okay?" Sunflower nodded at his words. That seemed like a good idea, seeing Aliyah again on a nice day just threw them off. Looking at Finn they started crying, causing Finn to panic. However, these were happy tears.
"I'm so glad I found you." Sniffling out, Sunflower leaned to Finn and hugged him tightly. Gently comforting them, the blonde patted their back. "God I hate ex's."
This caused Finn to snort and nod, thinking about his own sighing as he out the part in reverse. Pulling out of the parking lot and heading to his house, Finn continued to try and lighten up Sunflower's mood. Sitting in the car looking at the glasses wearing man, Sunflower smiled, happy they got at least a sane partner compared to their shitty ex.
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Substitute Teacher Steve Au
Delilah felt nervous. She ran into her little brother Paul in the hall because neither of them were looking in the correct direction...too nervous.
She hurried into her English class and grabbed her seat. The class's energy was off the charts. Everyone was chatting and gossiping.
"-sub! Can you believe THE St-"
"I just don't understand? Arent they fam-"
Uh oh. She thinks she understands now and pulls out her flip phone to type out a quick text to Paul to warn him. It's too late. He already texted her first.
"Code purple"
"Fuck."
"Language B!"
"Shit."
He laughs as he walks into the classroom. Someone slaps her shoulder as if they're trying to tell her "Hey! He looked in your direction!!!!"
Sitting on her teacher's desk is retired pop icon Steve Harrington. He lights up when he sees her looking at him and waves to her. He's waving so fast his hand is a blur.
"Del what the hell is happening?" Mandy, her best friend is looking at her expectantly.
"I-"
"Ok class! Attendance time!!"
'Adams'
'Andrews'
'Chase'
'Finch'
"Henderson!"
"..."
"C'mom B," he looks at her disappointed.
"Here," she grumbles.
A girl in the back raises her hand.
"Can this wait until after the attendance is taken?"
"Unfortunately not Mr. Harrington I just have to know, how do you know Delilah? Why do you call her B? I mean out of everyone we were not expecting you to be here for her." She says the last part kind of like a sneer.
Delilah knew she wasn't the most popular but she made a choice to stay out of the spotlight.
"Well...student-"
"Sam."
"Sam, I'm not here for Delilah."
Gasps went around the room.
"I'm also here for Paul!" His famous bright smile is shining bright. "He's getting his braces off today! Isn't that exciting! Gosh I remember when his dad got his off. Brings a tear to my eye."
Delilah sinks lower into her seat.
"As for the nickname-"
She shoots up, ramrod straight.
"Um Uncle Steve you don't really have to-"
"Now B it's nothing to be embarrassed about. When Del's mom was pregnant with Paul we told her that she wouldn't be the baby anymore. She was so frustrated that was the only name she responded to for six months!"
Sam pipes up again, "so B is short for-"
"Baby." Snickers went around the room. Delilah groans. "Obviously we couldn't go around calling her baby that's weird. So we shortened it, nickname. It also helps because she's baby Henderson, helps to distinguish the difference between them all."
Steve gives her a soft smile, like he's still imagining her as a toddler.
"As most of you may know I retired about five years ago along with my boyfriend." (Gay marriage was not legal yet but she's working on it.)
Josh's hand shoots up. "Your boyfriend famous metal musician Eddie Munson?"
"Yes student in the back, we decided it was time to retire and enjoy our time together. Then I got bored. I was always planning on being a teacher if music didn't work out so I became a sub. We have a house here to see the kids and I knew I wanted my first assignment to be one where I could see my favorite Hendersons."
Ok she can't be mad at him. She loves him so much and he obviously is just doing what he can to be closer to her.
"Uncle Steve-"
Uncle is whispered around the room.
"I appreciate you coming here but-"
"Henderson I'd appreciate it if you stayed after school to help me grade papers. I can give you a ride home. Uncle Eds is taking Paul to the orthodontist now so you don't have to worry about driving him."
Conveniently, beeping was heard outside along with the sound of a motor like an engine revving. The students all ran to the window to see what was going on and were shown Paul with his head down running to the convertible.
Poor kid. Everyone would be talking about this for at least a week.
Paul looked over at the window along with Eddie, when he saw Steve he blew him a kiss. As soon as Paul was buckled up he sped off.
Steve sighed wistfully and then headed back to the desk.
"Alright everyone! Let's learn!"
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Unwanted - Part 4
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Summary: Your life is no longer yours. You've been forced into becoming a different species of human. Bought and paid for, what can you do but follow orders and obey your Alpha?
Warnings: Allusions to surgery, human trafficking, kidnapping; Angst; Depression; Suicidal thoughts. Let me know if I missed any!
A/N: Reader is described as big & tall, is female. No other descriptors used.
A/N2: This chapter is a bit longer because it's got a fair amount of exposition. Hope it isn't too boring!
Part 3
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True to her word, Nat let you stay held as long as you needed. You hadn't realized how touch starved you'd been. You were never much for physical contact before but Dr. Kemp had said that, part of being an Omega was an increased need for it. The yelling between Ari and Steve had either died down or moved elsewhere and you were feeling the need to get up and walk around.
Nat kept hold of your hand as she walked you out of the debriefing area. For someone so much smaller than you, she really had an air of strength that made you feel you could lean on her if you really needed to. Her status as being in charge of the Omegas really made sense.
"We're going to go for a gradual introduction into our community," she tells you when you enter a kitchen area. "You're an unmarked Omega who's hurting and our people are going to be compelled to help you, take care of you. It's a consequence of being a communal species; if you had a personal pack, there'd be less push because you have a trusted circle to take care of you. But since you're unmarked, if you're in trouble, everyone is going to want to help, much like when a child is crying or scared. A gradual introduction will be good so that you don't get overwhelmed and they can remember to restrain themselves. That said, you might still get a lot of unwanted attention. If you tell them 'no' and they still bother you, let me know. You could probably take care of yourself, but your scent indicates you're more the gentle, non-confrontational type."
"That could be the training they put me through," you counter.
She smiles, "your scent is a reflection of yourself, your core personality. It's currently mixed with others that indicate trauma, pain. But the underlying scent stays true."
"What is my scent? No one's ever told me."
"The underlying scent from you is a warm cinnamon, vanilla and brown sugar mixture," she smiles. "You're a real cinnamon roll."
"Huh, no wonder he didn't like it." Nat gives you a confused look. "Ari, when...when he bought me. He said he didn't want me because he didn't like my scent. He really seems the type to prefer spicy over sweet." You say that last part with a half smile, hoping she'll find it funny instead of sad.
She looks angry. "Give me a moment to add this to the list of Ari's bullshit." You nod and she pulls out her phone, typing up a message before putting it away. "He can be such an ass. But, good news, he's not your problem. If you never want to see him again, you won't. I'll make sure of it."
"That's...thank you," is all you can say as you lower your head.
"In the meantime, we've got a small apartment ready for you," she leads you onward. "It's not the nicest, but it's good for transitioning until we can find you a spot in our community. And no," she looks at you pointedly, "that doesn't mean get you a mate. If you find one, that's great. If you don't want one, that's great, too. I genuinely mean a role, a job, or something like that."
You breathe a sigh of relief and nod your understanding. Several hours ago you were resigned to a life as a sex slave, maybe even forced pregnancy. But the more time you spend with Natasha, the more you let yourself be hopeful for something better. No wonder her scent is like a river, providing life giving water while refusing to be stopped.
Stepping outside you look up and freeze. The stars, what few you can see past the lights of the building, are gorgeous. More importantly, they're another reminder of your freedom. And a reminder of all that you lost. You want to break down and cry again, but then Nat gets your attention.
"Hey, hey, look at me," she coos. "There's no way you'll get over this quickly. No one would ever expect you to. But I need you to keep walking with me to your apartment, okay? I don't want you out here too long and getting sick or attracting unwanted attention." You nod and continue walking. "Good news, I made sure your apartment has a skylight so you can keep looking at the stars, the moon, the clouds, even if you don't have the energy to go outside."
"Thank you," you whisper. Right now you can't imagine not wanting to be outside but you find yourself trusting her. Especially her kindness.
She takes you to what looks like a well kept motel. These must be the apartments. Sure enough, some of them have skylights while others don't.
Natasha walks up to one of the doors and hands you a key. "This apartment is meant to be a safe space for you so there's only one key and it will always belong to you."
"What about in case of emergency?"
"We break down the door or crash through a window."
"Fair." You grip the key tightly before turning to the door. You haven't had a space for yourself in so long but you're also worried this is going to be another cell. A much nicer cell, but a cell nonetheless. Taking a deep breath to steady your nerves, you unlock the door and take a few steps inside. It's plain, but not unwelcoming. There's even a small vase with flowers on the table in the living/dining area. It's a decent size for a temporary apartment. It certainly looks nicer than your last one. The one you'll never see again.
As you're turning and looking at things you realize Nat has stayed at the door. "What are you doing?" you ask her.
"You haven't given me permission to enter your space," she says, matter-of-factly.
The hope you've been struggling with grows a little stronger with that.
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Part 3
Tagging: @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @lokislady82; @peyton-warren;
@ronearoundblindly; @startcarvingdarling
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uss-genderprise · 10 months
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ianto study sketch page
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eggmeralda · 4 months
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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option
#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause#to like charities and gfms and anyone else#but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job#and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything#and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week#but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week#the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything#you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something#but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets#like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going#but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it#and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy#and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own#but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough#my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space#bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected#and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll#get everything going again#but at the same time i could easily just die#I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs#what else is there to do with my life honestly#(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed#but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience#idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't#but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it#ramble#suicide tw#weight loss mention
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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family
#fucking hell#it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister#who was equally dreading the day#my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt#then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high#weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence#i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum#who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf#but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed#they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes#finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously#(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room#and made things appear that should not be there#I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go#you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear#I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well#she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer#maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important
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cepn · 2 months
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i think i'm still having trouble processing the heart attack because i wasn't there when it happened like i was at work... for some reason i always imagined i'd be there for it and even though i saw her in the hospital right after she got the stent put in her heart it just isn't clicking for me that that's actually what happened. like when my sister called me to tell me it felt really real then but i think i just immediately entered a dissociative state out of stress like i really wasn't fully there. and now she's back home and it's like so weird because aside from the injuries from the ivs and some bruising she appears totally fine outwardly... and i'm scared to think or talk about it because i'm scared i'll bring some kind of evil into the house that will try to take her away again.
also before this all happened i got tickets to a rave with my friend and i asked my mom so many times if i should just stay with her instead and she told me to go because i already spent money and... i guess but i feel so bad and again i'm scared if i go out this weekend i'll cause something bad to happen. but some selfish part of me wants to go and feels like that superstitious feeling is just stupid.
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I can't stop thinking about that Wing AU and Sticky plucking his feathers...
(Weird, angsty ramblings that might require some knowledge of bird anatomy to fully understand to follow)
(Basically, when birds grow feathers they start as "blood feathers" which are basically just little sacks of blood and growing cells. After this, they are "pin feathers", and the blood is all inside where it belongs, leaving the feather all rolled up and covered in this papery stuff that rubs off and leaves a fully grown feather. Also, Primaries are the big "pointer finger" feathers at the tip of the wings, Secondaries are the medium sized ones from the "wrist" joint to the "elbow", where they get smaller and are referred to as Tertiaries. That should be it :>)
Because, in real life, it's quite common in pet psittacines (Parrots: so, macaws, cockatoos, budgies, lovebirds, etc.) especially when they are stressed. And it can get out of control really fast and take a long time to train the bird out of even though it's very obviously hurting it.
And I just keep thinking about how young he was when he started being on TV. And for a while the fluffy little baby feathers were cute but an entertainment industry seeking engagement instead of connection demanded he grow up too fast.
And so the make-up/wardrobe department for any competition he was on started pulling some of the downy feathers. There weren't that many left at this point regardless, but they assured him it would make him seem more mature and appeal to a wider audience. And it would be fine, it wouldn't really hurt him, especially since he was growing in big feathers anyway.
So it went. With Sticky being so self-conscious and anxious anyway, he probably kept his wings tucked in tight behind him no matter what people thought about them.
He had never put that much consideration into how he looked, but now he can't stop thinking about it. He doesn't know why it's so important, but apparently it matters to people. He doesn't want it to matter. He doesn't want to be seen or recognised. He just wants to be left alone.
He starts fidgeting with the pin feathers that will one day unfurl into adult primaries, and even though he knows it's counter-intuitive because removing the casings will only free the feathers sooner, he can't help it. A few times he goes too far and starts picking at blood feathers, and even though the red coats his finger tips more often than he'd like, he still can't stop his hands from scratching and pulling and yanking as he grows more and more agitated.
And then he ran away
He ran and he couldn't keep his hands off his wings for more than a few minutes. Tugging and raking his fingers through the feathers in a futile attempt to calm down. The first couple of times, it's an accident.
The first couple of times he's so caught up in soundless panic and all he can hear is his own breathing, it's only later that he notices a small cluster of secondaries, close to his body and almost never seen with how rigidly he holds himself, are missing. Small pieces of the night sky littering the alleyway ground where he'd been hiding.
His wings are so dark in colour, not to mention unkempt after a few weeks hiding and running and flitting from place to place trying to find safety, that the other kids don't even notice anything wrong.
It isn't until a few days later, when they're all in the backyard attempting to practice their Morse Code, and Kate does something that startles him that they really see what kind of a state his wings are in.
Most birds, when scared or on edge, will carefully spread their wings. Maybe not a lot, but they are preparing to fly away or make themselves look bigger in hopes to scare off the threat. (I imagine Milligan having great big owl wings that he puffs up to try and guard the children when the Recruiters come after them in the maze)
But Sticky just draws them in closer to his body. When he is scared, which Constance would note is often, he holds his wings so tightly to his back that they seem half their size. This would be considered odd and in some ways handicapping himself or keeping him from being able to react properly.
But this time, as Kate wobbles unstably out of her cartwheel and lets out a shriek of laughter, landing on the ground right next to him, Sticky jumps. He starts off the bench he had been sitting on, hunching his shoulders and reflexively spreading his wings.
And instead of the fully extended mix of fully grown flight feathers and occasionally wayward piece of down the other kids have, Sticky's wings are a mess. They have a skeletal quality, with just enough plumage that when they are folded in it's hardly noticeable, but when they are extended it's clear there are significant gaps. The remaining feathers have the dull, stunted quality of someone who has been under an incredible amount of stress without nearly enough nutrients to fuel them, and indeed Sticky looks rather like a feral cat in that moment: Spooked and curling in on himself as if expecting a fight.
He quickly realises his overreaction, and then processes that the girls are staring at his wings (Reynie's eye did dart up, but quickly returned to looking at Sticky's face), so he jerks them back into a resting position. Though there's nothing particularly restful about how stiff his posture is, back ramrod straight and muscles so tight he's beginning to shake.
However, this is something that the others know he doesn't want to share yet. And he doesn't need to. Not until he's ready.
So, Kate grabs the flashlight from where it had fallen to the ground, a sheepish grin on her face as she apologises for scaring him.
Reynie suggests they all go inside, take a break and get something to eat before they begin again.
Constance glares at Sticky suspiciously, but right as she opens her mouth she seems to think better of her questions and simply shrugs.
And Sticky is grateful for his friends, grateful that he has these people who love him enough to trust him with his secrets, even though they don't know each other very well yet. So he follows them inside, and if Kate dumps a little bit more food on his plate, and Constance doesn't try to swipe his juice glass this time, and if that night (for the first time) Reynie shyly asks if the two of them could take turns preening each others' wings, when it's just the two of them alone in the room, Sticky thinks he might be able to trust them too.
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aberooski · 2 years
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Okay so I had a thought about the Stormshipping/Mario crossover now that I started trying to write this thing for real
Back to the bit I mentioned before a while back about Chazz and Peach gaslighting Bowser into believing the Toads' misunderstanding that Chazz is an actual prince. I originally thought Chazz would be the one doing it, now I think it would be best if it was Peach initiating that interaction.
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Imagine it: Chazz and Peach are brought up from the dungeon and are brought before Bowser so y'know, he can gloat about his big plans for defeating Mario and taking over the Mushroom Kingdom and antagonize them as is on brand for the guy. During this, Chazz, being his typical self, is being a fucking smart ass and only succeeding in pissing Bowser off.
Bowser is mad af and fed up with this kid, so Bowser swipes and scoops him up in his claws, alarming Peach in the background. Bowser growls and squeezes his claws around Chazz while he squirms to try and get loose at the very least, if not free. Bowser threatens Chazz, and now Peach has had enough. She has to help somehow, she has to protect him, she's already made that promise to herself so no way will she allow him to come to harm on her watch if she can help it!
And thus, Peach panics for a second thinking of what she can do, when it comes to her. She interjects and tells Bowser that he mustn't hurt this boy, its would be a terrible mistake on his part! Bowser ignores her and is just kinda like yeah yeah, whatever you say. To which Peach interjects again, "But don't you understand? He's not just any boy from another world, he's a prince!" Or she says something like that at least
At which time everything stops. Bowser then turns his attention fully to her, very interested by what she just said, and Chazz looks on in shock and confusion at her as well, wondering just what in the fresh hell she thinks she's doing.
And as the scene goes, Chazz catches on to what she's doing and they tag team this plan to convince Bowser that Chazz is indeed a genuine prince and that Atticus and Alexis are powerful warriors and now that they're coming to rescue him, Bowser's in big trouble. Bowser falls for it, sending Kammy and Kamek to go spy on Atticus and Alexis and the Mario bros and deal with the sibling quad, sending Chazz and Peach back to the dungeon where they can bond more over this moment 😌
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I loved the idea of Chazz doing it and Peach following his lead, but for me now it makes more sense to do it the other way around. Peach has taken responsibility for Chazz and his wellbeing because she's an adult and he's a teenager, essentially still a child, and also because he was caught up in this and kidnapped because of her. She pulls this stunt, which ultimately backfires on them when Bowser finds out they were bullshitting him, because she was trying to protect him from Bowser in exchange for Chazz getting kidnapped trying to protect her.
AAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M OBSESSED WITH THIS AU ALL OVER AGAIN GUYS !!! 😭😭
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iturmom · 1 year
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wishing i could lay my weary bones next to someone and hold each other. i've been so lonely lately and i can't reach out to anyone because frankly my life is a disaster and i don't want to burden anyone with my problems. it makes me feel so sick and irredeemable when the people i love worry about me. maybe that's why i've never really been one to reach out to people because i guess i know i have nothing to offer but disappointment and i don't want to hurt or disappoint anyone i love. and i don't really have any control over my life i'm literally almost homeless my life was stolen from me it's not my own anymore and i'm terrified of disappointing people in ways that i have no control over. yeah. i'm too unstable to let anyone in maybe i'm too unstable to be vulnerable. i mean in a lot of cases it's unsafe for me to be vulnerable but also like maybe emotional vulnerability is unsafe too bc i'm so unstable even intense negative emotions feel like they could potentially be unsafe.
and then to add insult to injury thinking and feeling these things make me feel irredeemable like what a cold unfeeling asshole to selfishly refuse to be vulnerable and then get upset when no one wants me lol the fact that i am too unstable for any kind of healthy social relationship makes me feel irredeemable. well if it isn't the consequences of lifelong conditioning to make me think nothing i can possibly do is right or good biting me in the ass.
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