#I might set this idea aside and write it for real eventually

[chimcess]

Waterlog || pjm (4)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader Other tags: Olympic Swimmer!Jimin, Ex Olympic Swimmer! Reader, Swim Coach!Reader Genre: Strangers to Friends to Lovers!AU, Coach!AU, Swimming!AU, HEAVY Angst, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, fluff, eventual smut, I'm so soft for these two it's crazy. Word Count: 11.8k+ Synopsis: After a car accident ends her athletic career, Y/N has slowly started rebuilding her life again as a high school swim coach. That’s until she gets a request from an old friend and finds herself back in the spotlight as the new coach of Olympic swimmer, Park Jimin. Warnings: ANGST, crying, mental health issues, talking about mental health, I'm so soft for them it's actually wild, best boyfriend Jimin, did I say angst????, past drug use, past alcohol addiction, past trauma talk, crying, anxiety, hand holding, touching as a love language, Jimin can't keep his hands to himself, he does try his best though, pining, sexual tension, banter, I love these two A/N: I know we're a couple of weeks late updating, but I've been very busy with moving so I haven't had the energy to write. I did a very quick edit, so this might not be perfect. I'm planning on coming back once I'm in my new place to do a full proofread. Hope you like the update!

prev || masterlist || next || playlist

Hand clutching my phone, I sighed. All around me the airport buzzed with life. I had almost forgotten how hectic the Denver Airport was. A few feet away I saw a mother struggling to keep her children together while her husband scrolled on his phone. I must have made some sort of noise, subconsciously voicing my annoyance, because Jimin laughed.

“What’s going on, gran?” He teased, voice light. “See a couple of youngins on your lawn?”

I scoffed, tearing my eyes away from the family. “Just a shitty husband ignoring his children.”

He hissed, sucking in air through his teeth, “The worst kind of dude. Are you alright?”

Softening, I finally spotted my luggage on the conveyor belt. Twisting my torso, I did a light stretch and then quickly snatched the heavy bag up. “Not too anxious, right?”

He had been very worried about letting me come home for a visit. When I had originally brought it up he offered himself up for the job, but I was not a fan of that idea. My friends would definitely bring up our date and I did not want to deal with the awkwardness that would cause. Especially since we had yet to go on it. That would not matter to Hoseok, however, and the teasing would have been endless. Better to spare Jimin from their wrath for just a little while longer.

“I’m cool,” I replied, softening. “Just got my stuff from baggage claim. I’m going to let you go so I can call Andy.”

“Okay bug. See you in a few days.”

Harper had recently started calling me that, forgetting my real name and not caring enough to ask for it. Eloise had tried to scold her for it, but I told her I did not mind it. It caught on with Cameron not too long after that, and soon the entire Park family had started using the little nickname. Jimin thought it was adorable from the beginning but had only started using it after our talk the other night.

I laughed, “I’m going to call you tonight.”

“Aw,” I knew he had that stupid smile on his face. “Miss me that much?”

“Someone needs to make sure you’re staying out of trouble,” I replied, a confident pep in my step I had not had in years. “But yes, I do miss you.”

There was a pregnant pause. 

“I miss you too.”

I could feel my heart melting. I was still getting used to our new dynamic. On most days we were strictly business, and were able to set aside the very large, very apparent elephant in the room. It was not until we had finished with work that those roles dropped, and we were able to just be us. 

Ever since my confession in the car Jimin spoke a hell of a lot more. Apparently, he had a hard time keeping his feelings to himself and chose to talk a little less in order to avoid a slip up. He wanted to give us both a little bit of time to get to know one another before springing his crush on me.

“Going soft, kid?” Playing things off with humor was Jimin’s thing, but it had slowly started to rub off on me. “It’s only two days.”

“I know,” He pouted. “Call your friend. It’s cold and you’ll get sick.”

“Hey,” I cut the teasing tone I had, “You’re not upset I came here by myself, right?”

“No,” He chuckled with an unmistakable fondness. “I’m just messin’ with you. I’m not ready to meet your friends and you need some alone time. We’re good, I promise.”

I sighed in relief, “Okay. Good. I’m going to go now. Talk to you later?”

“Call me when you can,” He replied, voice light.

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye, bug.”

I was disappointed to hear the line go dead but knew I could aimlessly walk around this airport all day if given the chance, so long as he was there with me. Trying to get my thoughts back on track, I sent a text to Andy asking if she was here yet. If not, I was already making plans to call Jimin back.

Andy: I’m parked in 5 near C Gates

Andy: Be careful

Andy: Saw a lady almost get hit by a car just now

Me: See you in a sec

Me: Should I be worried?

I knew she was trying to make a joke, but car accident punchlines never went over all that well with me. Even if I knew the chances of that happening to me were almost zero, I really did not want to have a panic attack in the airport parking lot. 

Andy: Not at all. I’m so sorry for even saying anything. I can come meet you at the doors if you want.

Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Sigh of relief. I was fine. 

Me: I appreciate you

Me: Is babygirl here?

Dani would help the spike of anxiety dissipate. The girl was fearless and was sure to be distracting enough to keep me from paying attention to the oncoming traffic. I suddenly wished that Jimin was here. He always knew what to do.

Andy: Jin and I are weak

Andy: We let her play hooky

Bobbing and weaving through bodies, I tossed my phone into my purse and made my way out of the airport. The arrivals station was packed, and I would need to take the automated train to where Andrea was parked. It was my least favorite part about this airport, but it beat Dallas-Fort Worth by a landslide. I had gotten lost in that airport more times than I could count. 

Three minutes later I was getting out of the train and stepping into C Gates. I could smell Auntie Anne’s and felt my mouth begin to water. Checking my clock, I decided it would not hurt to make a quick spot for lunch. Andy would appreciate it and I knew Dani loved their pretzel dog. 

There was a little less traffic in C Gates. More of the expensive airlines let out here, and all you could see were business professionals pacing back and forth. A family on vacation bumped into me while I was waiting in line, and I almost gave up my spot when their toddler started screaming. 

“No, no,” His mother insisted, her hair a mess on the top of her head. “Between the girls and my mom, we’ll be here all day. Go ahead, sweetie.”

Two little girls danced around me as we waited, the line moving at a snail's pace due to the airport being understaffed. They asked me questions incessantly, and while their mother had tried her best to keep them in line, I told her I was fine with the extra attention. I loved kids and the girls were harmless. The boy in her arms kept repeating “pizza” and soon an elderly woman joined them. 

If the girls talked a lot, they had nothing on grandma. Not only did she never shut her mouth, she was loud and obnoxiously laughing every few seconds. The boy was quick to beg to be in her arms and mom got a break. She was back to attempting to corral the girls, but again they did not really listen. 

“They’re only like this when my mom’s around,” She sighed, frustrated and tired. “We’re meeting up with their father and they’re all a little restless.”

“It’s no bother,” I lied. The girls really were not that bad. Just a couple of four-year-olds having fun. The only person who was really getting on my nerves was her mother, but I was not about to say that. “Better to get it out now than in the car, right?”

She cracked a tired smile, “Right.”

Finally, it was my turn to order. The young girl behind the counter gave me an award-winning smile while another young blonde was in the back getting all of the orders out.

“Hi, welcome to Auntie Anne’s. How can I help you today?”

“Can I get one original pretzel, one cinnamon sugar pretzel, and a pretzel dog combo with a lemonade and cheese,” Glancing behind me, I sighed. “Throw in a pizza pretzel, two orders of pretzel nuggets, and whatever else the family behind me wants.”

She smiled, blue eyes twinkling prettily in the bright lights. Turning around I waved the mother over and told her to get something for her and her mother. She put up a small fight, but eventually gave in when she realized I had already put our orders together.

“Thank you so much,” I thought she might burst into tears when my card was approved. “You really didn’t need to do that.”

I shrugged, “It was nothing. Have a nice vacation.”

Walking to the pickup area, my order was already waiting for me. With nothing more than a simple wave, I left the dysfunctional family behind. The grandmother’s loud thank you seemed to echo off of the airport walls, but it was a little less grating now that I knew I would never hear it again. 

Andy threw herself at me when I finally made it outside, little Dani wrapping her arms around my legs with squeals of delight louder than her mother’s. Taking her pretzel, Andy gave me a fat, wet kiss on the cheek and told Dani she could eat in the car. 

“How’s gymnastics, girlie?” I asked the little girl once we were in the car. “Still kicking ass?”

“No,” She laughed. “I quit, like, forever ago. Appa put me in ballet classes.”

I gave Andy a look. The red head rolled her eyes, fixing me with a knowing look. I had been telling Jin to put her in dance for years.

“It’s been two weeks and she’s already trying to talk him into figure skating.”

“You’re a little hustler, huh?” I reached into the back, squeezing her knee. Dani giggled, angling her body away from mine. She was very ticklish. “Keep at it. You know your dad’s a sucker.”

Dani laughed, “My vovó says the same thing.”

We listened to Olivia Rodrigo on our way to the Kim house. Hoseok and Matilda had planned a huge coming back party for me, and from what it sounded like, I was going to meet Tilly’s new boyfriend. 

“Anything I need to know about Max?” I asked.

Andy was almost as in the dark about the guy as I was but was able to tell me he was a tattoo artist from California. The two of them met at Frank’s bookstore and by the end of their conversation Max had managed to get her out to dinner and in his bed. It was a whirlwind romance, one that made me feel uneasy about its foundation, but I was still obligated to be happy for my friend. They could be soulmates for all I knew, and I was not about to judge anybody else for their version of a first date.

“I don’t want to talk about tattoo guy anymore,” Andy whined playfully, turning up the radio when “Good 4 U” came on. “I need to know more about your little boyfriend.”

I groaned, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

This was why I was so adamant Jimin stayed away. We had yet to have a real talk about what we were, choosing to wait for our first date to iron out those details, but no one in my circle seemed to understand. All they heard was the word date and suddenly wedding bells started going off. 

“Stop deflecting. We both know he’s your boyfriend, official or not,” She laughed, stealing looks at her daughter in the rearview. “What’s he like?”

It was a hard question to answer. On the one hand, I felt like I knew him better than anybody else, but I was self aware enough to know I didn’t. His body language, the way he looked when he beat his best time, and all of his preferred gear were seared into my mind. The movies he liked, his favorite albums, and all of the best tv shows ever made. He went to college. He was the sweetest, kindest, most understanding person I had ever met, and yet… he still felt far away. The shadows that oftentimes clouded his vision were still a mystery to me, and when he came into practice with a lost look on his face, I felt helpless. I knew him and yet I didn’t.

“He’s quiet,” I finally landed on. “Very nice. Always willing to help other people out if he can. You’d like him.”

Andrea scoffed, “That’s it? The first guy you’ve dated in years and all you can tell me is I’d like him?”

“We’re still getting to know each other,” I sighed. “What do you want to know?”

We spent the rest of the car ride going over the last two months' worth of pining. I told her about Fiona, Jimin’s family, and all of my new friends. She almost pissed herself laughing when I told her about the night he asked me out, making so many Hoseok and Tilly jokes I had a difficult time focusing on the story. Andrea seemed to be finished with her interrogation when we pulled up at her house. 

Dani ran to the front door, her excitement about the party making any discomfort I had disappear. It was hard to feel uncomfortable with her around. Taking my hand in hers, the little girl shifted her weight from foot to foot, shouting at her mom to hurry up, and opening the front door anyway. Andy told her to calm down, and I just chuckled and went along with it.

The living room was filled with all of my favorite people, a large ‘welcome home’ sign hanging on the large, backwall. Underneath it was a huge table covered in food, a cake in the middle of it, and I had a feeling Sarah made it. Both her and Frank were the first people to notice me, their faces lighting up, and I let go of Dani’s hand in favor of embracing the elderly couple. The rest of the party comers erupted their voices loud and filled with love as they took turns passing me around. 

“Missed you, Otter,” Hoseok murmured in the crook of my neck, hands secured around my waist.

“Missed you more,” I replied, releasing him and catching Tilly. “Jeez, girl. Trying to kill me?”

“Come meet Max,” She replied, dragging me away from Hoseok.

Max was a tall, lanky guy with black hair that fell down his back. His clothes were on the baggier side, all black, and I recognized the band on his t-shirt from the shit Matilda liked to listen to in the car. He smiled at me, and I was surprised to see him rocking adult braces. He introduced himself, his voice deep and warm, and shook my hand. They were baby soft and covered in tattoos. 

“It’s great to see you,” I replied, genuinely meaning it. If I had to picture a guy more perfect for Tilly, I would come up empty handed. “Thanks for coming.”

He flushed, impossibly pale skin turning a bright shade of red reminding me of Jimin. 

“Anything for Mattie,” He replied.

Huh, he had his own nickname for her and everything. I would need to hang out with Max more before I could say if I liked him or not, but so far, I had a good feeling. Andrea’s worries seemed a bit silly now. They really liked each other, and Tilly’s heartbreaking, dimpled smile made me feel more confident in her partner. They would be just fine. 

The party was fun, and I ate more spinach and artichoke dip than was healthy. Hoseok and I talked about my afterschool visit tomorrow. The boys had a swim meet Saturday and the two of us were hoping we could tag team in order to iron out any issues they had been having. I was being placed in charge of the freshmen while Hoseok made sure the other kids were feeling confident and ready for the meet.

"Let's party!" Frank boomed, lifting a beer into the air.

I laughed, "Be careful, old timer. Don't want you to hurt yourself."

I thought of Jimin again. That sounded like something he would say. Surrounded by the people I loved, I laughed hard and partied harder. The plates of food came one right after the other, and I was happy that I still had a place here. Falling back into my step, I fit seamlessly back into the fold.

"Dance with me," Hoseok demanded, tipsy and red-faced.

"It's your toes," I replied, taking his head and letting him take the lead.

The other couples were already dancing and hooped and hollered as I awkwardly followed the steps. I was not always a bad dancer but lost some of my rhythm in the accident. Hoseok never minded and let me step on his feet without a single complaint.

"You look happy," He commented, spinning me around.

I smiled, "I am."

He smiled back, wincing when I stomped down on his toes again. I apologized, but he just held my hand a little tighter and kept moving. I hummed along to the song, filled with joy. He spun me again, and finally let me go when I slammed into Jin.

"Go get some cake or something," He laughed. "You're too dangerous to be out here."

I rolled my eyes, "I tried to tell you. It's your fault you don't listen."

"Don't need you anyway. I have enough swag for the both of us."

I watched, thoroughly amused from the sidelines, as he moon-walked around the living room.

I left just before midnight after staying behind to help Andy and Jin clean up. The others left a few hours before to get back to Denver at a decent time. My house looked the same as always, dark and empty, but I could tell the landscapers had been around. The grass was recently cut and edged.

The silence inside was deafening. I had always known my place was too big for one person, but after spending so much time in my little she-shed at the Andersons’ house, everything here just felt excessive. Tossing my keys in the bowl beside the door, I wiped my eyes and decided to just head to bed. I would only be here for three days. I would be back in Saline before I knew it.

Dragging my body upstairs, this sudden depression-filled fatigue made my shoulders feel ten times heavier. A chilling, almost insidious, hollowness began to spread across my body. I knew this feeling all too well and it made me feel pathetic. Could I not be on my own anymore? Had I really grown that attached to my life in Michigan? Finally getting into my bedroom, I realized that I had.

Saline was perfect. Living in Colorado Springs has always bothered me. The people here held more traditional values and making friends was difficult. I had Andy and Jin, but they were both very busy people. Andrea was a full-time nurse, Jin’s schedule was somehow even more erratic than his wife’s, and when they were off, they wanted to spend time with Dani. I was lucky if I saw them once every two weeks. 

Hoseok, Tilly, and Minho all lived in Denver, and while I saw them more often due to the meetings with Frank and Sarah dragging me into the city, it was not like we hung out every time I was out there. Days would go by with me speaking at all, and most of my weekends were spent in bed sleeping. Working at the school helped, but I would never claim anyone from the swim team to be a friend. I was not in the habit of befriending children.

Living in Saline was different. Jimin was always there to make me laugh, and when he wasn’t, I had people like Taehyung and Sam to keep me company. Giselle was young, but we got along so well I often forgot about the difference in age between the two of us. Megan and Yoongi were Michigan’s own version of Andy and Jin, and I could see myself becoming good friends with them given enough time. No one had kids, no one was too busy trying to keep up with crazy expenses, and I could find a little house away from the rest of the world to spend my life in.

I thought of the Parks, a family who I had come to love more than I thought was possible, and the Andersons who took me in and always tried to make me feel comfortable. Eloise and her kindness. Luna and Cameron. All of them. I loved and adored every single one of them, and it was then that I finally let myself really think about what I wanted.

Did I want to come back here after I was finished with the season? Did I really want this massive house if it meant I had no one to share it with? No, I decided. Stripping out of my clothes, the numbness was being replaced with a different strange feeling. It felt suspiciously like hope. Excitement came to me so rarely it was foreign and odd, but nice all the same. Jittery, I took my phone out of my pants pocket.

“Hello?” Jimin’s voice was scratchy when he finally picked up.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “Did I wake you up?”

“Yes, but it’s okay,” I could hear him shuffling around in his bed. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah,” I breathed, climbing into bed. Then, without thinking, I blurted, “I think I want to move to Michigan.”

I held my breath as I waited for his response. There was no telling how this conversation would go, but I was hopeful. Even if this whole date thing did not go very well, I was positive that we would be able to move past it with a little bit of time. We worked well together and if he was comfortable with it then we could continue working together. Regardless, there was always coaching at a school.

“Like, permanently?”

I nodded but after a moment of silence remembered he could not see me.

“Yeah.”

My stomach started to churn. As the silence on the other end began to stretch, the excitement I felt before faded. Even if I said Jimin and I could get past a potentially awkward break up of sorts, I would not pretend that the thought did not make me physically ill. We would never be the same if that happened. It would be something to think about if it came to pass before the Olympics was over.

“Did something happen?” He finally asked, and I could hear the genuine worry in his tone. “Are you okay?”

The fear shifted to hurt, irritation, and anger, making my eyebrows knit together.

“I’m fine,” I could not keep the bite from my voice. It was petty and wrong of me, but his insinuation that I was not in my right mind was insulting. It made me feel like a child. “Just- forget I said anything. I don’t know what I’m even talking about.”

“Don’t do that,” His steady calmness made me even angrier. “I’m only asking you because it came out of the blue, not because I’m not happy with the idea.”

Now I just felt silly. Here I was making these small revelations, waking him up from his sleep, and then getting snippy because he did not respond the way I had wanted him to. Ugh, I wasn’t even his girlfriend yet and I’m acting like Darcy. A shiver went down my spine. That was an insult above all others.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured, the attitude from a few seconds before gone as quickly as it came. “I got defensive for no reason. Sorry.”

He chuckled, the sound barely audible over the phone.

“I forgive you. Now, why do you want to pack your life up for good?”

That made me laugh. It was a sad, pitiful sound. One that did not hold my usual spunk. One I don’t think Jimin had ever heard before. It was impossible to feel sad when he was around.

“I forgot how quiet my house is,” I admitted softly. “I love my friends, but I think coming back just reminded me of how easily I was able to fall back into the routine of it all. Jin and Andy are parents, Tilly has a new boyfriend, and Hoseok and Minho are always so busy with their own lives that I don’t see any of them as often as I would like to.”

Turning on my side, I blinked back a few tears.

“It might sound stupid, but I really do love Saline. I like how busy I am and all of my friends. I bought this place with the hopes of kids and a dog one day, but I don’t think that’ll ever happen, and now it’s just rooms collecting dust. I just-” I let a tear fall, my emotions starting to bubble over. “I don’t like how lonely it feels out here.”

“Doesn’t sound like you like it there. Have you always felt like this?” He asked.

I shook my head, the tears free falling in between sniffles and shaky breaths.

“Not always. Ever since Namjoon died things have been weird. There was a point when I felt suffocated because no one would leave me alone, and then one day everything resumed, and I just got left behind. It was like I woke up and two years just passed me by.”

Jimin comforted me while I cried, telling me how much he hated to hear me so upset, while I worked on calming down. There had been a time in my life when I was not so emotional, but therapy had opened up a whole new side of myself I didn't know existed. Rubbing my face, I sniffled and sank deeper into my mattress. For now, the waterworks had stopped.

“You were recovering,” He soothed. “Your body needed time to heal, and you were traumatized. I don’t think anyone can blame you for zoning out for a bit.”

I hummed, “I know. Doesn’t make it easier to swallow.”

“I know how you feel. When I pulled out of the Olympics last time there was a part of me that felt like a huge failure, but my dad was there to help get my head back on straight. He doesn’t seem like it, but he’s a really great shoulder to cry on.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” My voice was like sandpaper. “James is the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”

I felt heavy. Worn. Used. My eyes begged for me to shut them, but we were just getting back into safer waters, and I didn’t want to burst the bubble. I yawned, covering my mouth and hoping Jimin could not hear the sound. He had gone quiet.

“Can I ask you something?” Jimin’s voice broke through the comfortable silence that had formed around us. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“Shoot,” I forced myself to smile.

“What happened to Namjoon?”

I closed my eyes. This was something I knew would come up sooner or later. My lip wobbled uncontrollably as the second wave of tears crashed over me. I hated talking about this, but I knew it was going to come up sooner or later. Jimin deserved the truth, and honestly, I wanted to tell him. Being vulnerable with someone felt good. Being vulnerable with Jimin was divine. He was always so ready and willing to go along with things, listening and watching my every move, and trying his best to understand me. It was refreshing. It was nice. It was familiar.

“Was he in the accident with you?” He asked and his voice was so, so gentle. 

“Yeah,” I croaked, finally finding my voice. “I went out with some of my friends and got pretty drunk. I was tired and ready to go home, but my ride didn’t want to go home yet. So, I called Joon.”

I sucked in a deep, loud breath. Jimin told me I could stop, that I didn’t owe him anything, but I ignored him. This wasn’t about owing him. This was about letting the guy I liked get to know me. This story was a part of who I was, as fucked up as that may sound, and I wanted him to get to know this facet of my life as deeply as he knew the present day one. 

“Anyway,” I continued. “He offered to come and pick me up. Twenty minutes later I’m getting into his car and we’re on our way home. We’d just gotten engaged and bought our first house together- things were perfect. I had never been happier.

“We ended up taking the long way home because of an accident on the interstate. It was my idea, and Namjoon had a knack for going along with whatever I wanted. We were only two minutes away from the house when we got hit.”

I took a few deep breaths and wiped my face. Jimin was quiet on the other end. After a minute or two, I jumped back into the story.

“There was a four-way intersection around the corner from our place. Our light was green when we drove up. I don't think he thought to check if there was another car coming. He never even saw the truck. He, uh, died on impact.”

“Jesus,” Jimin breathed.

“The other guy was drunk as hell behind the wheel. Not paying attention. Funny thing is, he was the only person who didn’t get critically injured. Just a broken arm and a concussion. He wrapped our car around a light pole. My leg was pinned between the car and the light, and the airbag is what caused the brain injury.”

Jimin cursed under his breath, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry that happened to you.”

“Yeah,” I gritted out. “Me too.”

He let me cry for a little while, saying over and over again how sorry he was and how he wished he was in Colorado with me. I did not have anything to say to him. It felt like my chest had been ripped open and my heart was on full display. 

I never questioned how quickly we went from barely talking, to joking around, to sitting up late at night on the phone talking about life. It just happened. Clutching my phone in my hand, I let out a deep breath and held back any more tears from falling. I never said it, but I wished he was here, too.

“Hey,” His voice was gentle when he spoke, so fragile and sweet, that I had to force down the sobs threatening to come out. “I just want to say I’m sorry for how I reacted earlier. You wanting to move here is probably the best thing I’ve heard all fucking year, but I just didn’t want to sway your decision.”

Sniffling, I tried to tell him I wasn’t upset, but he shut me down almost immediately.

“Let me finish,” His voice did not leave room for argument. “I know I don’t act like I’m insecure, but I am. I can be selfish and self-centered, and I’ve always had to really work on those parts of myself.”

“I don’t understand what that has to do with anything,” I mumbled, curling into a ball beneath my blankets. 

“Like I said, I can be a very selfish person,” He sighed. “There was this part of my brain just wanting to hear you say you were coming here and staying with me for forever. I didn’t want that to take over the narrative. And- no offense, but if you did move all the way out here just to date me, I think I’d be a little creeped out honestly.”

I snorted. Hearing that he felt the need to explain any of that to me felt like a small win, even if it did make an alarm go off in my head. It took courage to be that open and honest with another person, especially someone who just cried their eyes out. His compassion and understanding never failed to amaze me, and I was grateful he trusted me enough to let me into his mind for once. Still, it did not make the creep comment any less funny.

“Don’t laugh,” He whined, unable to stop himself from chuckling. “I’m being serious.”

“So do you want me to be a creepy stalker or not?” I joked, hoping to lighten up the mood. “Make up your mind, kid.”

“I think I just want you to be yourself,” I melted. “That’s been working out just fine so far. I mean, if you are a creepy stalker, you managed to get me to like you.”

“Mission accomplished,” I breathed, still reeling from his sweet words. “You better watch out, 007. There’s a new spy in town.”

“So, I’m Bond and you’re Joe Goldburg?”

“Exactly,” My cheeks hurt from how much I was smiling. “Penn Badgley would be a decent James Bond. He was really great in Margin Call.”

I bit my lip, trying to suppress my smile.

“Holy shit, you actually watched it?”

Margin Call was one of Jimin's favorite movies from 2011. He kept a very large notebook filled with all of the movies he’s ever seen, along with ratings, and if he should ever watch them again. He went through it one day and came across the action film, rewatched it, and then spent most of the day talking my ear off about how great it is. 

“Someone I know was very passionate about it, and it managed to pique my curiosity.”

Jimin sighed, but I could not tell what emotion was behind it. Definitely was not anger or frustration. Not sadness either. 

 “What time are you getting back on Sunday?” He asked, and I could definitely hear the affectionate tone his voice had taken on.

“Um,” I thought about it for a moment. “Six, I think.”

“PM?” 

“Yeah,” I curled up under my blankets. It was beginning to get really cold inside, but I did not want to get up to turn the heat on. “I have to double check my flight times, but I know it’s somewhere around there. Why? What’s up?”

“I know we already made plans for next week, but I was thinking I could pick you up from the airport and we could go out.”

My face grew hot, “I don’t think I’ll be dressed for a date.”

“You always look great,” He assured me.

I laughed, nervous and embarrassed, “Thanks.”

We had originally planned our first date to be the weekend after I got back. Jimin was adamant about giving me an experience, and I had been more than happy to indulge him a little. He was just so cute when he got excited. We were running on a limited timeline right now, though, since he had an upcoming swimming fundraiser with Swim Across America in Allendale. The team was raising money for cancer research, and I was very excited to be there to show my support.

Moving the date up meant we would have less to do next weekend, unless Jimin still wanted to keep our plans in place, but it meant we could focus on the fundraiser instead of trying to juggle a date at the same time. 

“I hate to go, but I’m really tired,” Jimin yawned. Pulling my phone away from my ear I was startled by how late it was. “I’ll text you in the morning, okay?”

I apologized for keeping him up so late. “Promise I won’t do it again.”

He hummed, already beginning to fall asleep, “Don’t mind. You’re always welcome to bother me in the middle of the night.”

“Night Jimin,” I whispered, blood pumping.

“Night bug.”

There was one thing I missed about Colorado- how quickly the snow melted. Michigan was seeing more snow as each day went by, but here in the mountains they would not start seeing the worst of it until the spring. For the first time in a month, I was able to forgo my large, puffy jacket in favor of a long sleeve and jeans. Jimin found my excitement over this endearing, sending a slew of heart-eye emojis in response to the mirror photo I sent him.

It was almost the end of the day when I pulled into the high school parking lot. The entire front office erupted in excitement when I walked through the front doors, hugs and well wishes overwhelming me. Sandra, the receptionist, could have talked all day if I let her, and after signing in, I politely told them all I needed to meet up with Coach Jung. I lied about stopping by on my way out and only felt a little bad about it. They were way too much for me.

“They’re going to be so excited to see you,” Hoseok mumbled, a smile stretching across his face as loud teenage boys got closer and closer to the pool house. 

“I’m happy to see them, too,” I replied. “Should we wait until they change to make the grand reveal?”

He shook his head. “Would you rather hug now or when they’re in speedos.”

I shivered, disgusted by the mental image.

“Thanks for putting that in my head, you sick fuck.”

Choking on his spit, Hoseok bent over, laughing so hard he started to screech. His laughter reminded me of a ghost's wail and was contagious. We were both so wrapped up in our little bubble we did not notice the doors opening.

“Coach?”

Wiping my cheeks, I caught my breath and made eye contact with Jordan. Baby blue eyes widened while a large, dimple smile overtook his face. Behind him, Gabriel announced that I was here, and the room was filled with excitement. I was not much of a hugger, but I was happy to greet each boy with one. Gabriel hadn’t stopped speaking since catching sight of me and had a few accidental slip ups about how much he disliked Coach Jung.

Hoseok had alluded to that being their main issue right now. The boys were having a hard time adjusting to a new face and missed me dearly. To his credit, Hoseok admitted that he was still getting used to the coaching thing and made a couple mistakes his first few days here. He had made it a point to apologize to them for being a dick, but the teens hadn’t forgotten or forgiven him for his snappy attitude. Especially the two oldest.

“When are you coming back?” Marcus asked. 

I smiled sadly, “I’ll be out for the rest of the year.” The tall boy deflated, sending a nasty look Hoseok’s way. “But,” I was quick to fix my mistake, “I’m planning on making trips to assist Coach Jung throughout the year. I wanted to be here for your last meet, but something came up.”

That something had been Jimin’s birthday, and I was not going to risk missing his party.

Regardless, Marcus and the team were very happy to hear they would be seeing me. 

“I promise I’ll be here for graduation, too,” I added.

Gabriel offered to give me one of his tickets and I gratefully accepted the extended offer. We stood there and talked for at least fifteen minutes before I finally told them to get changed and into the water. Without protest, all twelve of them went to the locker room.

“You know,” Hoseok chuckled. “You're going to have to teach me how you manage to do that.”

“Cinnamon buns from Mountain Shadows,” I put on my whistle and grabbed my clipboard from my duffel bag. “They’ll be eating out of your hand in no time.”

The team was glowing. Jordan stood in the middle of the boys, a large smile on his face, as he praised them for giving the meet their best effort. Having another win under their belt, all of them were buzzing with excitement at a chance at nationals. They only needed to win three more competitions to qualify. 

For the first time since I arrived, the icy contempt they held for Hoseok seemed to thaw. It brought a smile to my face. If I did not come back next year, I had a feeling the boys would be getting along much better. 

“What’s for dinner?” Marcus asked, looking at me for an answer.

“Coach said something about burgers,” I replied, gesturing towards Hoseok. “You should ask him though. I could be wrong.”

Gabriel chimed in, “Yeah, we’re going to Bingo.”

My mouth watered. Bingo Burger was one of the best spots in town. Their fries were hot and crispy, and I loved their shakes. Mulling over my options for dinner, I always found myself stuck between the Gone Shroomin’ Burger and the Happy Hippie. For a vegan burger, that thing was really fucking good. Then again, a thick, juicy beef patty smothered in bacon, cheese, and mushrooms would hit the spot. Indecisive and bored, I fiddled around with my phone and somehow ended up texting Jimin.

Me: Gone Shroomin’ or Happy Hippie?

The noise on the bus was just in the background now and easy to tune out. Hoseok was laughing loudly with the freshmen while the two seniors were in a quiet conversation in the seat in front of me. Marcus and his girlfriend broke up recently. I stopped paying attention once my phone vibrated.

Jimin: No idea what that means

Jimin: Gone Shroomin I guess

I bit my lip, suppressing a smile.

Me: We’re going for celebration burgers

Me: The boys won and Hobi is treating them since we’re out in Pueblo and not getting back to the Springs until after dinner.

Jimin: Speaking of food… I was thinking we could get some BBQ on Sunday

“Y/N!” Hoseok called, making me look up from my phone. “Tell your boyfriend you’ll call him later.”

“We need you to be the tiebreaker,” Twig chirped.

“What for?” I sighed, glancing down at my screen.

Jimin: Have you been to Union Rec yet? It’s BBQ and a taqueria

Me: No but I’m always down for a burrito

“Do mermaids have gills?” Twig asked.

Fully pulled out of my phone, I flipped it around and gave the boys my undivided attention. 

“Of course not. They’re mammals, so it would be a blowhole.”

Hoseok clapped his hands, “Thank you! That’s exactly what I said.”

Sliding further down in the booth, I closed my eyes and drowned them out again. Colorado’s air was so dry and crisp I was having to get used to the altitude change. I missed how wet and cold Michigan was. Smiling to myself, I remembered how much I hated it when I first landed. So much has changed…

Shuffling, I made myself more comfortable. We were only thirty minutes out from the Springs now, and we would be at Bingos right on time for Hoseok’s reservations. Feeling myself growing tired, I sunk even further into the booth. Eyes heavy, I let them slip closed, and slept for the rest of the bus ride.

Standing in front of my bathroom mirror, I smoothed down my skirt for the millionth time. The gray sweater I had thrown on seemed too casual now that I was looking at myself, but I did not know what else to do. It was a laundry day, but when I went to put my clothes in the dryer it refused to turn on. Violet said they needed a new one anyway, but that did little to improve my mood. The pretty red dress I wanted to wear was soaking wet and hanging from the shower rod to dry. I played with the skin on my lip, willing the black and gray outfit to somehow look nicer. On the other side of the phone, Andy sighed.

“You look fine,” She insisted, running her hand through her auburn hair. “Do a cute hairstyle and put on a nice pair of earrings, and you’ll be golden.”

“You don’t think it’s too plain?” I had asked her this five times now, and each time I got that same reply. “I mean, do I look like I’m going to a funeral?”

“The guy has seen you in sweats and no makeup and still wanted to take you out. Do you honestly think he cares about the color of your outfit?”

She had a point. Finally deciding to cave in and give up on my obsession, I took her advice to do something with my hair. A few of the strands were beginning to look silver, and my sideburns were looking paler every day, but after Hoseok told me he was starting to see a few grays, I decided to leave them be. If we were both going to be silver foxes, I liked the idea of doing it together.

“Are you wearing heels?”

“No,” I shook my head. I picked my phone up and went to my bedroom to find a pair of earrings. “It’s too icy. Silver or gold?”

She thought about it for a second, her face scrunched up cutely. 

“Silver.”

I landed on some thick, gun-metal hoops. They matched the color of the sweater perfectly and did not take away from my face too much. I had spent too much time on looking this nice to have an accessory dominate. Andy was happy with my choice.

I had gotten back a little earlier than I originally thought I would, and asked Jimin if it was okay that I meant him at the restaurant out here instead of making him drive all the way to Detroit to pick me up. He had put up a bit of a fight about it but relented when I said I was hoping we could hang out at his house after dinner. I said I wanted to get myself home, but I was really trying to see how bad the drive was from his place to mine. The thought of spending more time in his space made me feel like a teenage girl.

“How’s ballet going?” I slipped on a pair of black tights. It was freezing outside, and I wanted to have as many layers on as possible. “Has Dani made any progress in getting her figure skating career started?”

Andrea laughed but said that her daughter was getting closer to her goal every day. Jin was weak and did anything the little girl wanted if he could. This was the only issue they were both bull-headed about. Jin wanted to teach her to be responsible and follow through on things, and Dani was tired of preparing for figure skating. She wanted to be on the ice and her dad was afraid of pushing her too far too young. I was most definitely a team Dani instigator, and it was a point of contention between Seokjin and I.

“What did you think of Max?”

I smiled. That boy was definitely a character. The gang and I had a nice dinner before I left Colorado, and Tilly brought along Mr. Tattoo guy. He was quiet and when he did talk, he always had something completely random and out of the blue to say. He fascinated me and when everyone started huddling in their own groups to chat, I turned most of my attention to the new guy. 

He was a sweetheart, and it was a nice change of pace getting to know him. He hated being called Peter (his first name), went to college for nuclear engineering, and became a tattoo artist on a whim. A buddy of his wanted a new piece, paid Max to draw it, and trusted the guy with a tattoo gun. He was an apprentice in San Francisco for three years before moving to Denver to open up his own shop. For all of his eccentricity, he was very successful and down to Earth.

“He’s good for her,” I finally replied, zipping up my Doc Martens, I checked the time. I would have to leave soon. “I’m just happy there’s no drama between her and Hobi.”

It had been a year since they officially broke up, but I knew they fell into bed with one another a handful of times since then. Hoseok and I had talked about their weird relationship on one too many drunken nights, the swimmer the only person able I liked enough to force a glass of whiskey down. Tilly knew that I knew and would vent to me sometimes. They loved each other, knew one another better than anybody else, and it was easy to fall back into each other since we were in the same circle.

 I doubted Andy knew anything about that, we tried our best to keep her out of the loop, but she always said that they still had lingering feelings. I hoped Hoseok was handling this news well. He seemed fine, happy even, so I just rolled with it. If he had a problem, I was sure I would have heard about it by now.

“Speaking of Hoseok,” The humorous tone in Andy’s voice caught my full attention. “Apparently, Jin saw him at The Rabbit Hole with some blonde girl before you got into town. He just remembered to tell me last night.”

This was news to me. Wracking my brain, I tried to figure out if he had brought up a date, or even a person he might be interested in, but nothing came up. Shrugging, I let it go. It was probably just some girl he picked up at the bar. Still, that would be an expensive date.

“He hasn’t told me anything about that,” I murmured.

“Might be why he’s not bothered by new boyfriend.”

I laughed, “Or it could be that they’ve moved on.”

“Oh, please,” She pulled a face, eyes rolling to the back of her head. “We all know that’s not true. At least, not until recently.”

“Regardless,” I sighed, grabbing my purse and walking out of the front door. “It’s none of our business. If they’re happy that’s all that matters.”

Andy raspberried, “Boo. I hate it when you’re all mature and adult-like.”

“And right,” I joked. “Don’t forget about that part.”

Locking up my little house, I made my way through the Anderson’s. Violet was watching the Golden Girls on the couch while Calvin was reading a book beside her. It was a sweet scene that made me smile. I wanted what they had. 

I gave them a smile and wave as I passed by. Violet returned it in full, her eyes kind and gentle, before going back to her show. Calvin put his book down and asked what time I was planning on coming back. He wanted to keep an eye out for my car.

“Around midnight,” I replied, moving my phone away from my mouth. Andrea was rambling about the new doctor on staff. I trusted her disdain enough to know he was a huge dick. “See you two tomorrow.”

“Be safe out there,” He replied, going back to his copy of The Catcher and the Rye.

Andy and I were on the phone for the entire car ride into Ann Arbor. I enjoyed hearing her voice, the small distraction welcome when I felt my anxiety spike. Thankfully it was a Sunday night, and the streets were somewhat empty.

Once I got into the downtown area, I drowned out her voice completely. Andrea never minded. She just kept talking like I hadn’t stepped out of whatever conversation we were just having. Never got mad when I kept asking her to repeat herself either. She was a wonderful friend to me, and I was grateful to have her in my life. If I moved to Saline, she would be the person I missed the most.

I still hadn’t talked to anyone else about the possibility of moving. I was not sure how they would react, and I needed to have my mind made up before giving any of them the news. While I knew Andy and Jin would be supportive, and Tilly and Minho wouldn’t really care all that much (it just gave them an excuse to vacation in Michigan), it was Hoseok I was most on the fence about.

With him it could go either way. He would either be really happy and supportive or call me crazy. It came from a place of love, and I respected his opinion more than any of the others, so I had to be completely sure of myself before getting into something like that with him. If he thought for a second I was rushing into things he would go into overprotective, big brother mode and kill all of my excitement. He might even be able to change my mind if he fought hard enough. 

Pulling up to the restaurant, I was impressed by the sheer size of it. One half looked like an old warehouse while the other half was a small, white bricked building. A red neon sign glowed in the night and a large party was hanging out outside of the building. I could see Jimin in their little group and smiled. He was a very popular man in this area and was able to make new friends wherever he went. If I had to guess, he knew someone and is now best friends with all of them.

“Hey, I just got to the restaurant. I’m going to let you go.”

“Okay, baby,” Andy replied. “Have fun. Talk to you later.”

“Text you when I get home,” I replied. 

Andy was as hypervigilant about getting texts as I was. She was on staff at the hospital when Namjoon and I first arrived. I can’t remember anything from that night after getting in Joon’s car, but when Jin and I spoke about it he said Andy was one of the nurses having to help triage me. She had to be physically pulled away from my body once the doctors found out about our connection, but the image of my body that night is burned into her mind. She was the person who took care of me the most upon release and quit her job at the hospital for a little while in order to make sure I was well taken care of. Calls and texts were just our thing now and I always felt horrible for being part of such a traumatic event for her.

“Love you,” She said.

“Love you too,” I replied, hanging up.

Getting out of my car, I locked the doors and made my way over to Jimin. He caught sight of me before I reached the small group and broke out into a huge, heart stopping smile. Unable to stop myself, I smiled back and waved awkwardly. He said something to the group before meeting me halfway. 

“Hey, you,” He said, wrapping his arms around me. “You look really pretty.”

I laughed nervously, squeezing his waist. “Thanks. I tried my best.”

Pulling away, I was able to admire him a bit better. He was wearing light jeans tonight, a rarity as he preferred sweatpants and slacks, and a black t-shirt. A leather jacket was a staple in his wardrobe, and he always said they kept him warm enough. I never believed him. As always, everything was a tight fit and showed off his body perfectly. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” I said once my appraisal was finished. “Nice boots. Where’d you get them?”

He looked down at the black, Chelsea boots and shrugged, “Nordstrom, I think. Taehyung got them for me a few Christmases ago.”

Of course he did.

“Let’s go inside. I’m cold.”

Jimin laughed, “My apologies, ma’am.”

The restaurant was packed, but Jimin had arrived thirty minutes early to get us on their waitlist, so I only had to wait five minutes for our table to be ready. Jimin brushed off the gesture as first date etiquette, but I knew better. The kid was late to everything and yet he got here early so I wouldn’t have to stand outside in the cold. It almost made me reach out and hold his hand, but my nerves got the best of me. We were at our table before I could gather up some courage, leaving a disappointed, bitter taste in my mouth.

“I’m feeling Disco Fries as an app. You?”

Searching the menu for them, I nodded. “That sounds really good.”

We were quiet for a few minutes as we decided on what we wanted. The menu here was rather large, filled with Mexican foods and copious BBQ items. Having never been here before I had no clue what was good and what hasn’t, but from how many people were here I had to assume nothing was bad.

“Know what you want?” Jimin asked, breaking the silence.

I shook my head, “No idea. What about you?”

“I get the same thing every time I come,” He laughed. “The Korean BBQ Burger is really fucking good. I also like the enchiladas.”

Finding both items, my mouth watered. Everything sounded amazing, but I wanted to get a little out of my comfort zone. I just had burgers yesterday, so I was not feeling that. Maybe BBQ? Looking at the options, I shook my head. I could not eat a half pound of anything. Biting the dry skin on my lips, my brain felt like it was working on overdrive. Too many options.

“Welcome to Union Rec,” I jumped a little, startled. “I’m Annie and I’ll be your server tonight.”

My eyes locked with a pair of baby blues, and I immediately recognized her. She was the brunette from the bar a couple of months ago. Eyes sliding from me, she landed on Jimin and the bored expression on her face morphed into one of pure bliss. I did not understand why she had given me that nasty look back then, but it was much clearer to me now. She had a thing for Jimin. Remembering she had a boyfriend, one she screamed at over the phone, it made me feel nauseous. Poor Tom.

“Oh my gosh, Christian. What are you doing here?” She asked, sneaking a look at me.

“Got a hot date,” He replied cheekily, gesturing his hand my way. “You remember Y/N, right?”

She gave me one of those tight-lipped, fake smiles. I returned the favor. I was not really jealous per say, Jimin’s declaration making any possibility of that disappear, but I did not appreciate anyone trying to make me feel small. I was a gold medalist. I was a fucking Olympian. Whoever the hell this chick thought she was, I would make sure she never thought for a second she got under my skin. 

“Yeah, we met at Brecon’s,” Annie replied, completely ignoring me. “Thought she was your coach.”

Jimin either did not catch the insult or he was choosing to ignore it. His smile was still just as pleasant as it was when we first sat down. I envied his ability to keep his emotions so controlled. I knew I must have been glaring at the poor girl.

“She is,” He shrugged. “Doesn’t mean she’s not my girlfriend. Are you taking our order or…?”

Annie spluttered for a second before regaining her composure. All affection in her eyes was gone and replaced by irritation. It was definitely directed at me, but Jimin’s dismissal must have stung. I was happy to be rid of her. Putting in our order for Disco fries, Jimin got a Sprite and Annie left before I could ask for a drink. Sipping on my complimentary water, I forced myself to breathe in and out. She was just a petty, annoyed girl with a crush. That was all. So, what if she was being rude? I was fine. Everything was fine. After the fifth sip, I actually believed it.

Trying to keep my tongue in check, I went back to looking through the menu. Finally able to make a choice, I decided on the birria beef ramen and closed the menu. Hopefully little miss Annie wouldn’t spit in it. Hot again, I took another long sip of water.

“Excuse me.”

Jimin flagged down another waiter, a pleasant smile on his face. Confused, I put down the glass and raised an eyebrow. He winked at me before laying the charm on thick. 

“Hey Marty. Would you mind if we got a different server?”

The young girl nodded frantically, “Of course. Is everything okay?”

Jimin smiled, eyes like crescents. “Everything is fine. Just Annie on her bullshit. Don’t want to get her fired by talking to your dad.”

Marty rolled her eyes, “Figures. I’ll tell her I’m taking care of you guys. Just don’t expect me to be running around for you, man. I have an entire section by myself.”

“I want privacy anyway,” Jimin replied, smirking at me. “Thanks. I’ll tip you well.”

She laughed, “Just make sure you put it in my hand. That bitch has been stealing tips. Cosette is trying to convince pops to fire her, but you know how he is about the girl.”

Jimin shook his head, “I already know. Can you get my girl a drink? Annie ran off without taking her order.”

Marty looked at me, her deadpan stare making me burst into laughter. Apparently, it wasn’t just me. That helped. 

“Sorry about her. She’s a massive bitch. What can I get you?”

I smiled, my mood a million times better, “Iced tea, please.”

“You got it, babe. You ready to order?”

Marty took our orders and promised to be back with my drink soon. 

“How do you two know each other?” I asked Jimin, finishing off my water.

“We were in the same class back in high school. Her mom owns that flower shop on Michigan Avenue.”

That was surprising. I was positive the girl was no older than eighteen. She reminded me of a porcelain doll, her chubby cheek and big eyes adding something angelic to her overall look. Then again, Jimin did not look all that old either. It was easy to forget he just turned 24. The age gap was really messing with my brain.

Annie was back with Jimin’s drink a few minutes later. She said nothing when she practically slammed his cup on the table before stalking off. It was then that I knew who she reminded me of. Darcy. I wondered if they were friends. Definitely had the same attitude problem, that was for sure.

“Ignore her,” Jimin told me once she was out of earshot. “I’ve been doing it since middle school.”

The rest of our dinner went back without a hitch. With Annie out of the way, and Marty’s small and infrequent check-in’s, we were able to be in a bubble of sorts. He asked about my trip back home and filled me in on what happened over the weekend. He had finally told his parents about our date and said that his mom thought it was a great idea. James called me perfect a few times, too. I had a hard time believing it, but Jimin had never lied to me before. It was nice to know the people around him accepted me even if I was a few years older.

“My mom’s 9 years older than my dad,” He revealed in between bites of food.

Shocked, I stopped eating all together. I had no idea they were that different in age. Ne-Yeon looked so youthful and pretty it was hard to guess just how old she actually was. Even fighting cancer, that woman did not look a day over 40. James was also in great shape for his age. To hear they had their own age gap made me feel a little bit better. 

“Wait,” Something else occurred to me. “Your mom was in her forties when she had you?”

Jimin nodded, “45. She had Haru at 48.”

It made sense to me now. To Jimin, our age gap was nothing special. It was smaller than his parents’, and having an older mother did not bother him at all. In his eyes, we had all of the time in the world for marriage and kids. A small weight came off of my shoulders. It really did not mean anything to him. He was not just saying that to make me feel better either. 

“Do you want dessert?” He asked, his plate empty in front of him. 

I was almost done with my bowl, “What do they have?”

He squinted his eyes, thinking.

“I know they have this horchata banana pudding. It’s literally the best dessert I’ve ever had in my life. There are a few other things, but I can’t remember what they are.”

I chuckled, “Then we’ll have the banana pudding.”

Jimin was not exaggerating either. The pudding was delicious. I almost wished we had each gotten our own serving, but after seeing the bill we were happy we hadn’t. Jimin paid this time. We had a back-and-forth deal when it came to meals. I got us breakfast last Wednesday, so he was picking up this bill. This was, unfortunately, much higher than Denny’s.

“I’ll put gas in your truck,” I offered on our way out. “To make up for the difference from Denny’s.”

He scoffed, “Don’t worry about it.”

“But-”

“We’re together now,” He interrupted me. “If I want to pay for a meal, then I will. You don’t have to pay me back.”

“We’ve always done that,” I argued.

“That was before,” He countered, walking me to my car door and opening it. “This is now. And right now, I’m trying to take a pretty girl, in a pretty dress, on a nice date. That includes paying for her meal.”

Getting into my seat, I pointed out that I let him do the gentleman thing all of the time. Opening my door for me, pulling chairs out at restaurants, and even walking on the curbside when we were out together. The list was endless. The least I could do was pay for half of a meal.

“I don’t do those things to get on your good side,” Jimin replied. “I do them because I want to. This isn’t transactional. So, stop worrying about being a burden. I enjoy taking care of you. You deserve to be taken care of.”

I could not think of a good enough comeback, so I just decided to drop it. If he wanted to pay for me then he could. It was his money to spend. 

“Send me your address.”

“You still want to come over?” He seemed surprised.

“Yeah,” I nodded, already pulling up the GPS. “What is it?”

He sounded like Charlie when he won the golden ticket as he gave me his address. 

“Don’t get too excited now,” I joked. “Just because I’m coming over doesn’t mean anything.”

Jimin laughed, “I pretend I don’t even know what sex is until after date three, so don’t worry about it.”

That made me laugh, “Get in your truck. I’ll meet you there.”

Looking back at him, I felt giddy. His eyes were so alight, his joy written so clearly across his face it took my breath away. A happy Jimin was the only kind I wanted to see. Blowing caution to the wind, I finally reached out. Touching his stomach, I felt the muscles clench beneath my fingers.

“Thank you,” I said earnestly.

“What for?” He rasped, placing one hand over mine, pressing my hand further into his skin. 

“For-” I broke off, taking my hand away. The feeling of him underneath me was too much. “For being so accommodating. I really appreciate it.”

He laughed, the sound strained and airy. I was too embarrassed by my actions to look at his face, but I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my eyes. Unlike me, Jimin was always brave. Hopefully some of that confidence would rub off on me. Maybe then I could reach out and hold him whenever I wanted to. 

“You’re welcome,” He replied, and my thighs clenched together at how rough he sounded. Did touching him do that? Or was it the praise? It could be both. “Drive safe, okay? You can follow me if that helps.”

I nodded, swallowing. The icy air outside did nothing to put out the blistering heat coursing between us right now. It was overwhelming how hot it was. Turning up my A/C, I pointed the vent directly at my face.

“See you in a few minutes,” I breathed, still unable to look at him.

Jimin closed my door, and I leaned back in my seat breathing heavily. I watched him as he rounded the front of my car, those pants sticking to his legs like a second skin and groaned. I had never felt this level of desire for anyone before. 

He reminded me so much of Namjoon. His beautiful brain and love for music and poetry so reminiscent it managed to bring me back to happier times. In the beginning I was afraid my attraction to him stemmed from that link. Because he reminded me of something I had loved so dearly that meant what I was beginning to feel was just a projection.

I was wrong. So unbelievably wrong. Jimin had a passion that Joon could never replicate. If Joon was a warm blanket, then Jimin was like the tide in the sea. On the surface it was calm, steady, and beautiful. Underneath that was life like nothing I had ever seen before. He was refreshing and filled with this fire for life that reminded me of my own from years ago.

Namjoon was perfect, a boy-next-door, and soft spoken. Back then I had enough of that passion for the both of us. Now I saw more and more parallels between us than ever before. I was uncertain, waiting for someone else to bring excitement back into my life, too afraid to reach out and take what I wanted anymore.

And then Jimin was there with that big smile willing to take me on whatever adventure I desired. All I had to do was ask. It was exhilarating, fun, and I was happy to be a part of the ride. His softness, his kindness, his understanding- all of it wrapped up in a pretty red bow. A gift that kept on giving.

I did not love Jimin, but I knew then that I could. With his sharp tongue and charisma, it was impossible not to. Everyone else did. Who was I to think I could be any different? I was a slave to his happiness. It was in that moment, sitting in my car, that I finally understood what was happening.

I was falling in love and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Taglist: @ownthesunshine @screamertannie @lovelytaes-blog @pernesianparapio @tae-with-some-suga @sumzysworld @chimmisbae

© chimcess, 2024. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[hells-wasabii]

Hi Wasabi! I hope you’re doing good!

Could I perhaps request Sera/reader (GN) dating headcanons? Or anything you wanna write for her? I feel like she gets zero love. 😭🫶🏻

Tsym!!

A/N: Hello! So far Sera has been a joy to write for! I’m seriously looking forward to writing more for her!

Character: Sera

Type: Headcanons (Sera x reader, Fluff, Angst)

When Sera initially realized that she had feelings for you, because believe me when I say it takes her a while, she was admittedly hesitant. As stated before Heaven-born angels, especially seraphim, will mate for life, so she wanted to be sure that the both of you were on the same page. It was honestly painful to watch, often being a will-they-won’t-they topic amongst the more gossipy angels. Emily would have to jump in and play matchmaker if it goes on for too long.

She’s admittedly one to beat around the bush, as well. When she flirts, it’s more disguised as compliments and conversation than anything, On the other hand, if you’re the more forward type, you should know that she’s relatively easy to fluster. Sure, she’ll recompose herself, but you can easily tell by the flush on her cheeks if you were.

Being the head seraphim, it’s very important to Sera how she composes herself. She’s an angel that many others look up to, someone in a leadership position. That being said Sera is very reserved when it comes to PDA outside of dates. That isn’t to say that she doesn’t enjoy affection, she just prefers to keep that private.

Sera’s got a pretty busy schedule but she’s still sure to set time aside for the two of you. It’s up to you to help her slow down and relax from time to time. Sure, it can be difficult when it comes to relationships that operate around busy schedules, but so long as the two of you communicate, everything will be okay.

Now admittedly, at the start of the relationship, Sera has a bad habit of keeping something secret if she thinks that it’s too much for you to handle or that something might hurt you. She’ll view it as her burden to bear. You’ll need to reassure her that this is NOT the case. As a couple you need to communicate, and keeping secrets like that isn’t particularly healthy. Eventually, it will get to the point where there are no secrets between the two of you.

I had touched on how Sera would have confided in you about the exterminations, but let’s expand on it. To say that the knowledge of the exterminations put a strain on your relationship would be the understatement of the century. That initial conversation did not go well at all. And the ones that followed weren’t any easier either. The only real saving grace was that 1. It hadn’t even been her idea, it had been Adam’s, and 2. She quite honestly disliked them, the fact that she had signed off on it in the first place was a large source of guilt. But what’s done is done and she can’t take back that decision, not without exposing the exterminations to the rest of heaven.

After that, it took a while to get back to where you had been, but your relationship does eventually recover. From that point on, expect all the stops to be pulled. No more secrets. She’ll lay everything out in the open, confiding in you her deepest fears and regrets.

[iceinwhb]

Can you please make a mini fic about Mammon being a stalker?

Yes i have The Diner by Billie Eilish brainrot

Interesting! Let me writing (we have a real stalker).

﹅ contains ;; what in hell is bad, Mammon, sfw, stalking.

At first, it was simply fixation. Because he wanted to learn more about his teacher, and even more easily find something he could easily give you.

No matter how small it was. When he was by your side, he memorized your every move and gesture, the kind of smiles, and eventually just his eyes could not take off anything that involved you.

But it only escalated; first by the places you liked to go, and the kind of food you preferred, the style of clothes you often bought, and, slowly, your routine, not just in Tartaros, but everywhere else you set foot.

There were things that only Mammon could get through money, but it became an increasingly satisfying addiction as time went on. Funny, even when you weren't aware he was there, being informed of your every step, and sometimes following you wherever you went.

It could be any time of the day, and when you slept, it was all the better, because he could test the state of your sleep, playing with your cheeks, running his fingers over your lips, stroking your hair, or even inspecting every corner of your room, down to the smallest detail, of any place that was labeled as a your room.

It was a dark secret that even you wouldn't know, but he didn't mind keeping from you all the kind of information he got, even much more than any subordinate of Hades could know.

Only if he took care that no one tried to enter your room.

⛧✃✃✃⛧✁✁✁⛧✃✃✃⛧✁✁✁⛧

Do you know who I thought of while writing this? Eligios would definitely have done something more racy while you were sleeping. (Aside from putting ribbons.) And on the other hand… I also figured what might happen if Foras came into the room. Levi would have said that only he can “investigate” you from afar. LMAO.

And I feel it was too short, and the idea was fantastic. I'm keeping with the song, thanks!

[oreramar]

Florist Talk: a flower shop calendar

So I talked about the average day in a flower shop. Now it's time to talk about the average year (usual disclaimer: US-centric, small town sort of knowledge is to be found here. Adjust as needed for a different setting, whether real or fictional; these notes are merely meant to provide grounding or ideas for your writing).

So, Month By Month:

January

Business is basically dead for most of this month.

It's too early for springy colors but nobody wants the red and white Xmas color combo anymore. Floral limbo.

Prep for V-day begins in earnest sometime around here.

Earliest V-day orders might start coming in middle-to-end of the month. Sometimes people think ordering super early means they can get roses for cheaper. This is not the case; they will be charged the price of the roses they're gonna get, not the roses that exist a month before.

February

VALENTINE'S DAY ALL HANDS ON DECK OH GOD SOMEONE HELP US

A longer post will be dedicated to V-day itself eventually. For now, know that there's usually a lull in business immediately after the day itself.

There may be leftover roses. Nobody will want the leftover roses. If your Florbo over-ordered these supplies, they will have a difficult time shifting them. Write a fic and have them donate roses to an elderly care facility or something.

March

Kinda dead for the most part, aside from a little bit of prep toward Palm Sunday and Easter and Prom (see April)

I always make stuff for St Patrick's day but very few people want flowers for St Patrick's day so there's not much point. Maybe this could be different in a community with more people who go all in on St Paddy's.

When there are orders, this is when people start to ask for "springy" flowers.

April

If there are Christian Churches around they might want Easter Lilies ordered in for Easter, and Palm Branches for Palm Sunday.

Sometimes people will ask for flowering mum plants too, usually in white, yellow, or lavender. The wholesalers always seem to send way more lavender mums than any others, like they're trying to get rid of them.

Prom Season - technically can stretch from mid-late March through April. Depends on how many high schools are in the area. This means lots of corsages and boutonnieres. If there's a single big school that's very local then that means one very, very busy weekend spent doing nothing but assembling these things the day before and getting them picked up and paid for the day of. Might make a focused post on these one day.

Secretary's Day / Administrative Professionals' Day - late April. Technically there's a Day for this but it also covers the entire week of that day as well. Businesses and Bosses buy small flowers or maybe candy bouquets for their various Admins. Can get a little busy.

May

Teachers Appreciation Day / Week - early in May, lots of school deliveries.

Nurses Appreciation Day/Week - the next week in May, lots of hospital/clinic deliveries.

MOTHER'S DAY OH GOD OH - oh it's not quite as bad, actually. People get their Mother's Day flowers the entire week before so it's less concentrated. Still a big one.

US has Memorial Day right at the end. This means arrangements made for placing in the local cemetery. Can be busy but isn't usually too bad.

June

Dead business. So bored.

July

Dead business. So bored.

Attempt at July 4th table arrangements. Not many tend to sell.

August

Dead business. So bored.

September

School is back in session, which means that any student, teacher, or school admin staff who has a birthday or anniversary on a weekday might get sent flowers or balloons or candy bouquets or things like that, which means Flower Shop business.

Preferred floral designs shift toward "fall" and "autumny" colors and flowers somewhere between August and September.

October

Not a lot going on specifically, but business still tends to be busier than in summer. Also, despite all efforts, Halloween does not tend to involve a lot of flower orders, which is a real shame because you can do some real fun things with orange, purple, and bright green flowers, and with hot glue strands on twigs to make cobwebs, and with black painted bowl vases to resemble cauldrons...

November

US has Thanskgiving this month and some people want fancy flower and taper candle centerpieces for their tables. A responsible florist will include tags warning people not to burn those candles unattended because while the floral arrangement isn't going to be dry by any means, it is still technically flammable, especially if the candle has burned very low and for a very long time.

December

Christmas also involves fancy flower and taper candle centerpieces for tables. Also like 80% of all floral arrangements are being done in red and/or white.

And that's more or less it. Set your writing appropriately for how busy you want the Florbo to be with their flower job - if the plot demands Florbo have a lot of free time or be very very bored, look at the summer months, or the downtime of early January or late February. If you wish for them to be overwhelmingly busy, set it the week before Valentine's or Mother's day, or pick an April weekend for a local Prom and give them like forty corsages to make on a single Friday. A more moderate or variable day to day structure might be in May, or one of the Autumn months, when there's usually plenty of everyday type stuff to do plus the wild card busy days around big funerals or the like, with random dead days peppered in there.

Happy writing!

[dieaverage]

ROSE-COLORED BOY — eddie munson x female reader as childhood friends to enemies to friends again to sickeningly-in-love lovers

eddie munson x female reader

series summary: six months after the death of your mother darlene byers, you return to hawkins, indiana to try and make sense of everything. what you don’t anticipate is how much running into him on your first night back, five years after your desertion, will break your heart (and his) all over again.

author’s note: hi! going to be so unapologetically real with you all and say i have no clue of where this is headed, but after my hyper-fixating ass decided to host an eddie munson revival party of one on the cusp of the year of our lord 2024, i knew i had to write something so other people could at least be subjected to the workings of my mind. i hope you like it, and if you don’t, well, that’s a you problem i fear! but seriously if you do have any ideas/directions you would like to see this heading, please please please do not hesitate to let me know! this is my first time posting any of my work on tumblr *gasp* so i mean it when i say criticism is warmly welcomed. <3

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹ ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳

chapter one — spaghetti and meatballs

word count: 1.6k+

NEXT

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹ ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳

A thin mist descended upon the forested thoroughfare to the town you once felt you knew so well, though were no longer so sure. The weighty four-worded acknowledgement bounced around in your head over and over as you approached the deceptively disarming "Welcome to Hawkins, Indiana" sign, so heavily you were almost convinced it was rousing a sleeping migraine, and yet no matter how many times you repeated the seemingly familiarising phrase under bated breath, it felt no less alien to you.

After all, this was never truly your home. Countless summers spent at your cousins' house, even four begrudgingly defining years clocked up at Hawkins High School, had never allowed you to feel like you had earned the right to label it as such. It was your mother's home, as if she had beat you to staking any claim on it, and now that she was no longer around, any ties you thought you might have had to it felt well and truly severed.

Precarious ties aside, it was here you found yourself, in Hawkins. Mere months after the death of your mother. The offer had unfalteringly been there, "whe- if- it ever gets to be too much, Daphne, you know you can come stay with me and the boys", and yet your eventual acceptance of it made you feel nothing short of an imposter.

Any hopes for a discreet arrival were instantaneously dashed as your Cavalier pulled onto the unforgiving gravelly driveway, your tires connecting with the stones to create a disturbance you were sure could have woken any nearby animals out of hibernation, had they assumed an early one. Hawkins air had a perpetually wintry quality, after all. The front door swung open before you even had a chance to remove your keys from the ignition, and the sight of the emerging sixteen year old boy unwillingly brought a beaming smile to your face.

"Daphne!!!!" he called out, advancing towards you at an incredible and equally terrifying speed.

"Hi, Will!" a laugh couldn't help but escape your lips as he wrapped you into a tight hug, the force of which setting you off balance momentarily. He used to be so... delicate. "You've gotten so big!"

"He's got what, like, a foot on you now?" a voice exclaimed from the doorway, the discerning sarcasm of it all widening your already unshakeable grin.

"Lovely to see you too, Jonathan. And it's a couple inches, at best!"

Soon the three of you were embraced in a group hug, which although you would never admit it, had been long overdue. The slight stinging sensation in your eyes signalling the impending flood of tears prompted your swift ejection from the embrace. "So, where is my darling pseudo sister?" you questioned as you walked through the threshold of the Byers abode, attempting to inject some humour into what had already become a far too confronting display of emotions, and almost as if on cue Joyce emerged from the adjoining room.

"Oh, Daphne!" she cried out, consuming you in a hug that could only be described as motherly. You felt it considerably harder to fight back the tears this time. "Hi, Joyce." you exhaled into her shoulder, trying with all your might to resist crumbling in her arms right there. You had been alone for, what, six months? This exhibition of emotion, or rather, the suppression of it, left you feeling weak, and was perhaps the very reason you had avoided coming for so long.

Darlene would never have earned an award for her maternity, and you often thought that if there were such a scale to measure someone who would, your own mother would, against all odds, find a way to fall below it. She wasn't well, that much had been evident for the entirety of your time together, and increasingly so in the end, but in her wake you wondered how much longer you could accept it as an excuse. Above all else, you felt abandoned. Joyce, and the boys, they were wonderful. Truthfully speaking, Joyce had been more of a mother to you in your formative years than Darlene ever was, and Will and Jonathan, they would always be your little brothers as far as you were concerned. But still, in their house now, observing the three of them together, you helplessly felt like a guest, as if years of intimacy had been erased. Nothing had occurred to suggest this, of course. No, these thoughts were all of your own creation, from the mind you had so wished to desert so many times in the last six months.

“Daphne, honey, you must be starving. What can I whip up for us?”

"Spaghetti and meatballs, Mom, please?" Will exhorted, snapping you out of your self imposed hypnotic state.

"I think we should let Daphne choose, Will." Joyce sweetly urged him. "Daphne, what would you like?" You looked up at her from your place on the couch which you hadn't even recalled assuming, and then over to Will who was waiting in anticipation for your answer.

"Spaghetti and meatballs sounds great. Gotta love Italian!" you exclaimed, and Will and Jonathan high-fived quietly from across the room. Joyce shared a knowing look with you and giggled before turning back towards the kitchen. It brought a certain degree of reassurance to you that some things truly never change, one of which being the Byers boys' inability to grow up.

"Joyce," you scurry behind her, "thank you. I- it's been a... weird couple months, but being with y'all, it's already helping."

"Oh, Daphne," Joyce pushed a stray strand of hair behind your ear, "I thought about you constantly. I wanted to make the trip down to Austin, to be there for you, but with the boys and then work-"

"I know. It's okay. I'm here now. You don't have to worry anymore."

"Easier said than done." Joyce gave an unassured look. "Please, just... don't hesitate to talk to me, okay? If it's too much. You're like a daughter to me, Daphne, and I know the boys think of you as a big sister. This is your home. For as long as you want it to be."

You promptly gave her a cuddle, hoping it could express your gratitude in a way you knew your words couldn't without risk of activating the waterworks, before announcing, "Hey, I think I might head out for a while after dinner. Check out that booming Hawkins nightlife. I can't even remember the last time I got a drink here."

"And legally, at that!" Joyce countered playfully, you giving her a slight push to quiet down, afraid that Will or Jonathan might wish to learn a thing or two of your teenage antics, ammunition you certainly were not ready to equip them with.

"Hey, I handled my alcohol well, okay!" you argued, though not compellingly.

"Law enforcement might disagree." she laughed, her head elsewhere, presumably recalling your countless run ins with the Hawkins police department.

"Okay yes, somewhat of a troubled teen..." you admitted, "but you know, I got over it. I went to college. I grew up." Joyce met your eyes with a smile, "I know you did. I'm so proud of you, Daph."

Eventually, dinner was ready, and the group had no sooner sat down at the dinner table before Will had engulfed the contents of his plate, now proudly demonstrating its emptiness to Joyce. "Finished! Can I please go to Mike's now?" he asked her with eyes so wide you feared they could momentarily eject from their sockets, making the question posed that much sweeter.

"Alright, alright." she giggled, "Just be careful, okay? Biking at a reasonable speed will not hinder your chances of escaping dungeons or slaying dragons, I promise."

Will met his mother's failed attempt at understanding his favourite game with an unforgiving roll of the eyes before the table burst into laughter with Will pulling Joyce into a hug, and then Jonathan.

"See you later, Daphne!" he exclaimed before wrapping his arms around you and hurriedly darting out the front door, leaving you once again with an aching smile plastered on your face. What a sweet boy, you thought to yourself.

"A couple hours and he already has Daphne wrapped around his finger!" Jonathan said jokingly, sending both you and Joyce into laughter once again. "What can I say, he's a good kid!"

"Once upon a time, you were too, Jonathan!" you said wiggling your finger at him with an air of mockery, giving a playful nudge to his shoulder before grabbing your bag and heading out the door.

Closing the door behind you, you catch sight of Will wheeling his bike down the rough driveway. "Hey, wait up!"

Even from a distance you could make out his cheesy grin, and you couldn't help but think about what a heartbreaker he would make one day.

"So, Will the Wise! Off to another campaign?" you proclaim as you reach him, and the use of his nickname only causes his smile to grow wider.

"You remembered?"

"How could I forget?! I was only gone a couple years. Will the Wise's legacy, now that will last centuries." you tease.

"I really missed you, Daphne. So did Mom, almost as much as Jonathan!"

"Jonathan? Wow, he said that? Can we get that in writing?"

"Seriously!" he slapped your arm lightly as the briefly shared portion of your journey came to a close, preparing to mount his bike for the ride to the Wheeler house, "I'm so glad you're home."

With what felt suspiciously like watering eyes approaching, you swallowed harshly before taking his hand in yours. "Me too."

[blainesebastian]

expectant (ccg universe)

words: 1,844 ship: austin butler x reader summary: (anon request) “how reader tells austin she is pregnant” warnings: none notes: other anon i got your request for disneyworld, etc. will be writing it, just might take a min. i’m leaving for a long weekend vacation, but will begin writing something for it when i get back :3 thanks everyone!  tag list: @killerqueenfan, @karamelcoveredolicity, @elizabethrosecresswell, @gigisworldsstuff, @stylespresleyhearted

Here’s the thing about plans—you enjoy having them but also realize that a lot of perfect surprises come along when you’re not restricting yourself to a step-by-step checklist. You’re not gonna lie to yourself that you’ve had a ten-year plan or even a five year one, that’s too far in advance, too many things can happen. You’ve known people with these stipulations, have watched them break themselves into small pieces to achieve goals that don’t even make sense anymore.

You’ve decided a long time ago that that wasn’t going to be you. There has to be flexibility or you’ll drive yourself crazy.

So when it comes to starting a family with Austin, it’s not something you both have mapped out exactly. You’ve talked about it plenty of times, that promise of eventually lingering like a pleasant breeze, just passing through.

Maybe that’s why it comes as such a shock when the third test comes back with the exact same notification: pregnant.

You stare at it a long moment, tapping your fingers against the sink. Well…you suppose that makes sense. The past week or so, you’ve been off and on with feeling funky. You just figured you were run-down from work, another script you’ve been working on, characterization just not clicking for you despite positive feedback from Austin and a few other writer friends you’ve met on sets. There’s always something you’ve been able to blame for feeling sickly—not enough sleep, too many drinks at the bar, staying up too late with a cup more caffeine than you usually do.

Apparently none of those things have been the culprit.

“Pregnant,” You whisper and that single word seizes you, closing around your ribcage, pushing the bones together—it suddenly feels very real.

--

Somehow a hundred plans come to mind along with nothing specific at all. There are so many things out there that catch your eye about telling your significant other that you’re pregnant. Some ideas range from adorable, to ridiculous, to overwhelming. There’s nothing wrong than just…showing him the pregnancy stick? But at the same time, you want more.

Next time you see him, when he comes home from work, you can just tell him…there’s no need to do anything fancy. Save that for the gender reveal, right? Even though you’re not about to overdo that either. Maybe cupcakes with different color icing on the inside.

Universe must be working against you though because an hour before Austin is due home, you can feel a migraine coming on. You can’t take your medication while pregnant and you feel like you barely make it into the bedroom before it completely takes your knees out. You squeeze your eyes shut, telling Siri to send a text to Austin just to keep him in the loop.

And that’s how he finds you, in bed, covers pulled up and over your head.

Austin comes into the bedroom quietly, moving to the blinds to pull them down. He then sits near your hip, his hand stroking along your side in patterned, even strokes. You move slowly, not wanting to make the pain any worse, like sharp shards behind your eyes. You let out a long breath, removing the sheets from over your head. Austin gives you a gentle smile, pushing your hair aside, his thumb rubbing a tense muscle at the back of your neck.

“You expired?” He teases with a whisper.

A soft chuckle rumbles in your chest and you shrug your one shoulder—kinda, maybe. Not completely. Your temples are pounding and the light, even dulled by the blinds being down, hurts your eyes. It’ll pass though. You’re not sure whether the nausea is from being pregnant or from your brain feeling like it’s being tapped with a hot poker. Your stomach does a full swoop, glancing up at Austin and…

Right, you were going to tell him. The words get stuck right in your throat, thick as molasses.

“Can I get you anythin’?” He asks, moving to circle his fingers at one of your temples, massaging. God—feels incredible. “Meds? Water?”

Your stomach does another flip and your fingers tighten their hold on the sheets you have pulled up to your chin, “Maybe some water, meds didn’t work.” And that’s happened before, if you don’t take them in time. You clear your throat, reaching for his wrist though when he goes to move, “Don’t go yet.”

You run your finger along the inside of his wrist, debating on words that crawl up into your mouth. You had nothing special planned, it didn’t matter how you told Austin the news. But…part of you keeps repeating not like this—not when you feel like you do, miserable and kinda sick and a pounding against your eardrums.

Austin hums lightly and moves to crawl in bed beside you, wrapping his arm around your waist. You sigh out, comfortable, allowing your eyes to close as you catch whiffs of his cologne as he draws you close.

You’re so close to telling him, almost—right here. “Austin.”

He shifts, his one leg slipping between yours, pressing a kiss to the back of your head so you know he heard you. He’s patient; quiet.

“Nothing,” You eventually say, shaking your head. “Nevermind.” Your head tips back slightly to look at him, “I’m glad you’re home.”

He smiles at you, brushing his nose against yours before squeezing around your hip.

--

A few days pass, not…exactly on purpose. But one thing happens after another, getting lost in the normalcy of time passing. You keep promising yourself that you’re gonna find a perfect moment, even though you know nothing like that is going to come. Tonight, tomorrow, next Tuesday, it doesn’t matter—you just have to tell him. You’re not sure why you’re so apprehensive about this…or well, maybe nervous is the better word.

Saying it outloud makes it real and while you assume you know how Austin is going to take the news, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s still just a ‘guess’.

You turn into Jillian’s kitchen with a half empty fizzy juice in your hand, your best friend throwing a small get together that feels long overdue. It’s completely lowkey, comfortable, the gathering of close friends to drink (or not), eat a lot of food and play intense, silly games of cards. You’ve been mostly catching up with people, Austin offering you a drink once or twice, but you lie and tell him you’ve got a headache. He brushes his lips over your forehead and doesn’t press…which is good because you’re still formulating those words, teaching your mouth the syllables for I’m pregnant.

Jillian’s trying to talk Austin into a game of flip-cup and you have to bite down on your tongue because you love that game, you’re actually pretty decent at it?

“You can be on a team with Y/N,” Jillian grins, “I mean, that’s practically guaranteeing a win here.”

Austin laughs, mostly air leaving his nose. He looks over at you and gently shakes his head, refilling his own cup with beer.

“I’ll let you play with wine,” Jillian then starts in on you— “I know beer isn’t a good sell.”

Crinkling your nose, “I’ll play with water,” You offer, “Not interested in wine tonight.”

“Oh come on, you never turn down wine. It's like one of your five food groups," Jillian laughs, "What are you—pregnant?"

It comes out so simply that you don’t even think about schooling your expression, but it’s already too late. Austin glances over at you in amusement, a smirk on his lips, until…he gets a good look at your face. Gentle excitement, a tiny bit of uncertainty, fear—joy.

You realize right then you’re taking too long to say anything, your silence is becoming an answer.

You were so unsure of what your husband's reaction would be, it's been a distant plan but…so many of your passions and work are concrete. How does this fit? Can it fit? All those thoughts evaporate when Austin's mouth opens and closes and he takes a step towards you, reaching for one of your hands. His eyes glaze down your form like he's…looking for a difference that he can't see.

"Are you—" It's somehow more of a statement than a question and you let a soft laugh, eyes beginning to brim with tears.

"Yeah," You sniffle, just going for it, nodding, "Yes."

Jillian gasps into a loud exclamation and you—you pictured telling Austin in a completely different way. In a handful of different ways, but you realize that this is just as good as having a plan. His face is…something you'll never forget. Profound awe, love, nothing is better than that.

"What a great reason to turn down wine." Jillian amends with a grin and pours herself more as if to clink glasses with other people in support. She wanders over and squeezes you tightly before going into the other room and you don’t have to hear her to know that she’s telling everyone else.

You let her go, you’re completely focused on the person in front of you.

Austin cups your face, leaning in to kiss you a few times before he draws you into a tight hug. You close your eyes, pressing your face against his shoulder, breathing him in, allowing him to ground you with his arms firmly around your form.

There are slow eruptions in pockets of cheering from the other rooms and Austin pulls away just enough to gently grab onto your hand and tug you somewhere more private. A small balcony Jillian has, the glass door sliding shut able to drown out most of the sound. You wipe one of your cheeks and smile at your husband, Austin cupping both sides of your face again and kissing you.

Slow and intimate, your foreheads resting together afterwards.

“I haven’t known long,” You promise, knowing he’s happy but not wanting him to think you were trying to keep this secret from him. “There were so many different ways I wanted to tell you.”

Austin shakes his head, “I can’t think of any better way of finding out,” He smiles, glancing inside, “Though at the rate Jillian’s goin’, we might not have a chance to tell anyone else.” He says as another bout of cheering rings out.

You laugh lightly, curling your hair around your ear, “I’ll talk to her,” Making sure she won’t spill anything to your families. You love that she’s excited, however.

You’re smiling, fondly, looking over Austin’s face as an eruption of nervous butterflies kiss the inside of your stomach. You hold his gaze for a moment and he squeezes your hands, waiting.

You’re so incredibly happy but…at the same time, “I’m scared.” You admit in a soft whisper, swallowing over a lump of unsaid words in your throat.

Austin smiles a little, running his thumb along your cheekbone before he draws you close, “Me too. But whatever happens? We’ll figure it out together.”

Together, you repeat, pressing a kiss to his lips. A promise.

[edensbuttercups]

Summers and letters - Robert "Bob" Floyd x reader

after the Coffee shop AU (x), time for a Scout AU

Summary: Every summer, you spend one moth at summer camp, teaching kids and teenagers along side a group that you've grown to love. And that's were Bob teaches too, planning games and activities for yet another year, except this year might be the last, having sent all of his details to try to get into the Navy. So what happens when he does leave for the Navy, leaving both you and the kids missing him, as well as your crush for him not yet revealed?

A/N: This has been in the works for months, and I just couldn't find the motivation to finish it, but gladly, I finally did! Planning on writing a part two from Bob's point of view, at least from when he leaves, when he receives the letters, how things go from there. I hope this ends up being a good read, let me know if a part 2 sounds interesting enough! ♡

Words: 4.5k

As always, requests are open and comments are very much appreciated! Thank you for reading and hope you're all having a good day ♡

Every summer, you set aside a whole month for the scout’s camp, a whole month spent with kids and teenagers, depending on the week, and a whole month with your fellow teachers and friends. You had been seeing them every summer for at least four years at this point, the real world getting shut out each time you crossed the makeshift entrance to the camp, nothing but three trunks nailed to each other, strong enough to hold onto each other during the worst of storms. The weeks were organized in the best of ways, groups divided by age and somewhat easy to deal with, ending each camp with a song by the fire, a good amount of badges earned and a whole lot of fun memories to take home. 

And after dark, when the kids were in bed, you got to hang out with everyone by the fire, just like you had with the kids, yet with different conversations, deeper, funnier, getting to know each other better, with the lack of contact, usually, between one summer and the other. There was one of your fellow colleagues that you kept contact with, Sarah, just one year older than you and living on your same street, and a colleague that you wished to have more contact with, but never found the courage to: Robert. He had everyone call him Bob, and you couldn’t help but smile every time he came over to you, talking excitedly about the activities planned, or some of his passions, adventures on the ranch, dreams. You remembered one of the first nights on camp this year, when the two of you had found a spot by the campfire, on lookout for any kids ignoring lights out or that rather preferred wandering in the dark, talking to each other to make the time pass, keeping each other company while you waited for the next people to take over. 

“I remember my first time on a horse. I wasn’t really a fan of the idea, but my dad had insisted, so I climbed on and tried my best for a solid ten seconds, before deciding to give up. Ended up with my foot stuck on the saddle. Rode for 50 meters upside down and crying.” He told you, his cheeks blushed from the slight embarrassment he still felt when talking about it, but it was all worth it when you laughed, your hand reaching for his shoulder as you wiped a tear from your eye. “Were you okay?” You asked, eyes sparkling from the laughter you had just graced him with, finding the image of a seven year old Bob hanging from a horse a little too funny. “Oh, yeah, just annoyed.” He said, laughing once more and shaking his head, “I tried again the next day, actually thinking about my movements before jolting down a moving animal, and eventually I came to love it. I was just grumpy that day and that did not help.” You smiled at his words, his way of being, the comforting sight of him in front of you, sitting cross legged in front of each other as the nearby campfire warmed you. “What’s your plan with the ranch?” You asked, shifting a little closer, just to feel his knees bump against yours, his hand reaching over to grab your hands, holding them between his when he saw you shiver, a comforting habit he had grown into after knowing you for a little over two years now. “I’m not sure. I always thought I’d stay. Help my family, keep on what has been going for years, but… I don’t know, recently I’ve been wondering if maybe leaving would-” he shook his head, frustrated that he couldn’t find the right words, “I’m afraid that staying here will make me miss something that maybe I’m supposed to find.” You nodded, blushing at how his hands were cradling yours, thumb gently caressing your skin as he talked, understanding his words but getting lost in his touch. “An adventure you’ll miss if you stay here?” you offered with a smile, having felt the same thing as him. This town was great for many things, but it was its own world. You loved summer camp, creating a separate reality from the rest of the world for a good month, but when you got back home you did wonder what you were missing, if all those things you saw on tv were things you were supposed to truly live, rather than simply dream of. He looked at you, his eyes scanning your own, nodding slightly. Squeezing your hands softly before letting them go he cleared his throat, looking ahead at someone, your mind soon catching up and standing up, knowing that it was time to give up your lookout position and head to bed. He whispered a goodnight as you reached your cabin, waving timidly before climbing the steps to his own, leaving you with a smile on your lips at his first story, and some aching in your chest at his uncertainty, one that matched your own. 

“Bob! Next year maybe we can try the other trail? I heard there’s caves and stuff!” the kid excitedly said, her hands gripping tightly to her own pants, trying to contain her movements. “I… yeah. If I’m here, sure!” He muttered, hands reaching for hers, helping her move down from the log she had climbed onto, the way back to camp seemingly not fun unless she went over any obstacle she laid eyes on. You turned to look at him, in your eyes a questioning look that he returned with a small shrug and a smile, hoping that he’d have the chance to further explain later on. He had never missed a year, always there for the whole month, mentioning once that this was his time off from the ranch, getting extra time to hang out and do something he loved. So his uncertainty was… weird.  “You promise?” she asked, this time jumping over a small rock, her hands clinging onto the kid in front of her, Nellie. “Yeah, promise! Promise!” Nellie started chanting, soon aided in her chorus by most of the other kids, their voices high in pitch and loud, making you laugh as you moved around them, gently shushing them. “I… I promise, yeah.” he said it slowly, as if his promise wouldn’t count that way. He was half sure he would be there, but he wasn’t fully sure, and lying was something he hated, especially when it came to lying to the face of those adorable kids, kids he had spent various summers with. “Time to head back, kids, let’s not overdo it, we wouldn’t want dear old Bob to go deaf, right?” you joked, moving them along the path, the sign to the entrance of the camp now in sight. You missed the way he smiled at you, or the way he had to glance down at his feet instead of quickening his pace to catch up, the lie slowly making him uneasy. You slowed down your steps, falling into a small walk as the kids ran ahead, finding the others and falling into a queue, ready for the next activity, one that neither you nor Bob had to partake in, time for a welcomed break. “If you’re here?” you questioned, trying to keep your tone lighthearted, pushing any other feeling away, even if the closeness of your hands was making it hard to concentrate on anything but reaching for his, holding it, for once. “I…” he started, taking a deep breath in, chuckling lightly, “I was thinking of joining the Navy. Sent my papers to the academy and all. I don’t think they’ll take me, I mean, c’mon.” He laughed, pointing at himself, “but if they do, summer is… not a thing I’ll be able to pass here, I think.”  “Oh.” You managed to reply, your footsteps slowing once more, not willing to end your chat so soon, slowly stirring it towards the path that twisted around the camp, a short-ish walk, but leaving you with some more time to talk. “I mean, they’d be lucky to have you, really.” you said honestly, smiling at him. “But I’ll miss you, if you end up going.” You revealed, looking up at him. He didn’t look like a Navy guy, with his messy hair, not combed after the night ‘cause of lack of time, or his glasses, or his slightly shy demeanour, but you’d support him in it. He was smart, and he had many skills, and he would be great and you knew he could do it. He wouldn’t know that, of course, since you never quite got the courage to ask for his number, never exchanging them, never hearing from each other if not when you met a whole three seasons later, and so you’d never get to tell him how proud you were of getting in, if that ended up being the case. And it took everything you had in that moment to not show the disappointment in your face, especially when you glanced back up at him, his cheeks red from the sun and his eyes twinkling from the light. God, you thought, If he does end up going, next summer is going to be hard.

You sat by the campfire, Bob sat opposite you, Sarah by your side, chatting with the others about the last days on camp, the crackling of the wood making everyone smile fondly as stories were exchanged. “I couldn’t believe that Kyle found the courage to cross that bridge all on his own.” Martin said, shaking his head. You nodded along with the rest, smiling as the kids' accomplishments were shared, as the last activities were planned, from writing a summary of their favorite activities for reference for the coming years, to what stories to tell and treats to cook. “So,” Sasha said after all the planning had been done, “what are you all going to be doing this winter? Will we be seeing everyone next summer?” He asked cheerfully. He was the oldest of the group and acted almost like a dad to everyone, always keeping in touch when he could, but also taking care of the vast majority of the summer camp organization. You smiled as everyone took their turn telling their plans, talking about your own when it was your turn and told everyone your own plans, not varying much from those of the previous year. It was then Sarah’s turn, with the chatter about parties and travels, hopefully, never losing that glint in her eyes as she talked. It was then Alice’s turn, and Eliott’s, until it was Bob’s, and you moved to look at him, curious to listen, and to have the extra excuse to look at him with no guilt about it. “I’m going to help out at the ranch.” He mumbled, “The usual. But… yeah.” He added, nodding with a light chuckle. It was the furthest thing from a confirmation about his presence in the upcoming year, but Sasha took it as one, not noticing how Bob’s eyes darted to yours when he didn’t mention what his plan really was, almost as if he was asking you to keep his secret, which of course you did. You gave him a soft smile at his words, keeping your gaze on him, seeing his big blue eyes as they looked back, a timid smile sent your way as a silent thank you.

Two days later you said your goodbyes. The kids left first, their parents coming to pick them up as they hurriedly ran towards them, jumping in the arms of mothers, parents, brothers, grandparents or caregivers, each child happy to have spent the time in the wild but still glad to go home. Olivia and Nellie, having grown closer this year than they had during the last two, waved at everyone, giggling and running around. You turned to look at Bob, his smile bittersweet as he looked at everyone, waving and saying his goodbyes, and his words from the previous days came to mind. “So…” you said, moving closer to him, “I’ll see you next year, maybe?” He hadn’t added anything else, and while there were still a few hours to be spent all together, fixing what could be fixed of the camp and saying your own goodbyes, this seemed like one of the last moments you’d get alone with him. He sighed, looking down. “Maybe, yeah.” He nodded, already missing the idea of not being here, but feeling a passion in his being at the thought of what the navy could offer. “I’d love to be, but… it’s not sure.” He mumbled quietly, still weary about talking about it with anyone but you. “I’d love for you to be, too.” You joked, deciding on asking him for his number when you saw his smile, the excuse of keeping in contact perfect and direct. “I wanted to-” “Hey, Bob! There’s some fixing to do in cabin 4, can you give me a hand?” Roger shouted from halfway down the path, interrupting you. “Yep! Coming right down!” He shouted back, fixing his glasses and looking back to you, expectantly. “Oh. Ehm… nothing,” you said with a dry laugh, feeling your cheeks heat up under his curious gaze, “Go help Roger. I’ll see you later!” you waved, turning to find Sarah. You had almost asked him. Which was already a step forward, maybe. Still, it felt bittersweet. Even if you got his number, there was a good chance he’d be gone by next summer, away in another state doing who knows what. 

You sighed as you reached your cabin, finding Sarah in it, packing and cleaning, moving around to the music. “Anything I can help you with?” you asked, stepping in and smiling at her, happy when she nodded, needing something to keep you busy. “Last bit of cleaning, yeah. There’s a sponge by the desk over there!” She said, pointing at the clean sponge by the soapy water, the smell coming from it flowery and sweet. You moved by her side and cleaned along, dancing slightly to the music, not saying much.

And there you were, a few hours later, clutching your bag like your life depended on it, waiting to see Bob for the, possibly, last time. “Hey.” You heard him call after a moment, jogging up to you and sending a wave at Sarah, patiently waiting in her car. She had told you to talk to him, that being the only way you could get a lift home from here, and that’s what you did, clinging to that threat to give you the confidence you needed. “Hey.” you repeated, sighing softly, “so, it’s done, huh?” You barely had spoken, his arms already wrapped around you in a quick hug, a thank you whispered in your ear before he pushed away, standing before you again. “I’m sorry. I… I hope to see you again?” He asked, slightly stuttering as he reached for his bag, flinging it over his shoulder with red cheeks. “Yeah.” You hummed. Want to exchange numbers? You could’ve asked. Would you like to keep in contact? “See you next summer, maybe?” Is what you came up with instead, looking at him expectantly until he nodded, swallowing the words that he might’ve liked saying, leaving you to leave with a curse on your lips at the missed opportunity, and him with a slight sadness in his chest, knowing it was likely he wouldn’t see you next summer. 

Winter passed slowly, spring soon breaking the frost and warming everything up, leaving a sense of excitement bubbling in your chest. You couldn't wait for camp to start again, meeting new kids, spending time by the fire, seeing Bob again. It was stupid, but he was kind, and cute, and intelligent, and you enjoyed spending time with him, so harboring a little crush was fine, but a little distraction you could allow yourself. 

And then the start of summer officially came, leading you all the way up to the annual meet-up, few days before the kids would arrive, the camp in need of some small maintenance and preparation. It was all great, until each single person arrived, except Bob. He was always one of the first to arrive, with his bag of stuff and big smile, waving at everyone and standing by your side, your little chit chats vital as you caught up with each other. But this time he wasn’t here, and you knew what it meant. You tried to hide your wandering gaze, feeling a hand brush over your arm and jolting you out of your thoughts, meeting face to face with Sarah. “How have you been?” She asked you excitedly, pulling you in a hug. She held you tight, moving you from side to side as she patted your back, happy to see you in this setting rather than your usual neighbourly visits, even if her reaction made it seem like you hadn’t seen each other in months. “All good!” You lied, smile tight and fake, hoping that she couldn’t read what was really going on in your mind. You had held on to the hope that Bob would be here, but now that you were waiting, it didn’t seem likely anymore. “Great!” She smiled back, taking in her surroundings and counting each person there. “We’re one short.” She announced, turning to look at you with questioning eyes. “Bob’s not here.” You said, looking down and revealing your secret almost instantly, knowing she’d understand soon enough anyway. She knew about your slight crush on him, revealing it earlier last fall when you spent a chilly night with some drinks, the alcohol making you spill your secret. “Oh, honey.” She said softly, hearing your tone and reaching to pull you in another hug, this time trying to comfort you. It was just a crush, but she knew you cared about him, and had desperately hoped that he’d be there.

“Bob?” She asked, perching herself forward, almost falling off her chair. “The cutie with the glasses? The one that always comes over to chat with us but never really talks to me unless you’re around? The one that looks at you like you’re a goddess every time you help a kid that fell over, or when you charm everyone with your stories?” You felt your cheeks burn as you shook your head, knowing that that could not be the truth. “Sarah, please.” You begged, half-regretting mentioning this to her. “No, no, I fully get it! He is cute, he’s funny, you two work well together. But you should tell him.” She spoke honestly and simply, clinking her bottle to yours. “Never.” You said with a laugh, knowing that that wouldn’t happen. Sure, you worked together, and you loved talking to him, and every time you were by his side you could get lost in his stories or just sit in silence and enjoy that too, but there was no way you’d tell him that you liked him. “Okay, then ask for his phone number. That way you can chat, and maybe he’ll ask you out.” You sighed, shaking your head. “If the moment calls for it, sure. I’ll… maybe.” You offered, clinking your drink against hers and smiling when she nodded, letting the subject of asking for his number fall, yet still talking about him for another moment, laughing each time you blushed at something she said. 

And so, camp went on as it always did, with bumps and cuts and stories and adventures and crying and laughing and joking and hoping. But with no Bob. It worked out, somehow, except when the kids felt his absence, asking about him, wondering, talking.

Pauline caught up with you, Nellie by her side as she tugged on your pants. “Hey, Pauline, Nellie. All good?” you asked, stopping to talk to them. “Where’s Mister Robert? He said we could go explore the other trail this year!” Her smile was bright, and your heart broke a little more at the knowledge that he wasn’t here. You had heard him make her that promise, and even if he had tried to avoid it, she clung onto it for the whole autumn, winter and spring. “Bob isn’t here this year, dear. But we can still go explore the other trail, we’ll just have to-” “Why isn’t he here?” She asked, interrupting you with a frown. You sighed, lowering your head at the question you had asked yourself the first day back, waiting for him eagerly to arrive only to be left with one person less on your team. “From what I know, he joined the Navy.” You explained quickly, grabbing both her hand and Nellie’s as you walked, answering each question as well as you could as you walked back to camp, needing to tell Sarah the change of plan and pick up any gear needed for the new trail. “Can we send him a letter?” Nellie asked, already collecting a leaf and a flower to press and add to the letter, remembering when he had taught them all about preserving flowers, insisting that they were great gifts, especially for people far away. “We… I think?” You truly weren’t sure, but you assumed that probably it wouldn’t be an issue. You could go talk to his family and get an address, or just leave all the letters for when he got back. “We can.” you decided, giving yourself the afternoon to collect the materials for the next day, knowing that some of the kids would want to add little drawings or think about what to write. “So,” you started, calling the attention of all of the kids, combining a little group of all the ones that had the chance to meet and work with Bob, along with one kid, Henry, that hadn’t, but that had heard so many good things of him that begged you to send him a letter anyway. “Everyone can get one piece of paper to write, and one to draw. Don’t feel obliged to do both, but don’t waste paper either.” you said, trying to be stern but not overly so, flashing everyone a smile as they walked over to grab what they needed. By the end of the day you had collected all of the letters, sitting on your bed while you waited for Sarah to be done with her shower, reading through them and smiling at some of the drawings, Bob being drawn in all of them, sometimes with a goofy smile, or with a Superman cape, or giving a thumbs up to a kid when they did something right. He had always been kind to them, always treated them like equals, always cared for them, and the love he gave was always returned, these letters just proving how he was in their eyes. Dear Bob, I miss you. We get to write you letters, we hope your you’re having fun at the navy thing school. You said we’d get to go try the other trail. We did last week, it was scary but we did it. I miss you, come back to camp again next year please. Love, Nellie.

The first one said, the messy handwriting accompanied by a drawing of her and Bob holding hands, the sun shining in one corner with a big smile.

Dear Bob, My name is Henry. You didn’t meet me, but I heard from my friend you were amazing. I’m sorry we didn’t get to meet. I hope to one day. Big hugs, Henry

This letter had a drawing of a car, red and fast, along with a character that probably was Henry, waving.

Bob, You’re not here this year. I’m sad :( Will you be back next year? What are you doing now? Do you miss us too? I drawed your favorite flower, I remember when you showed me in the forest last year. Come back soon Lucie

And Lucie, just like she promised, had drawn, with her little uncertain lines and messy coloring, a cute flower, Bob’s name written behind it with a big heart.

You closed your eyes, holding the letters in one hand as you considered if this was okay. Shaking your head, you picked a piece of paper up, choosing your best pen and writing a few words to accompany the ones from the kids, each one too sweet to not send to the man you had slowly started catching feelings for. 

Dear Bob, So you made it! I had no doubts, I’m so proud of you! I hope this is okay, but the kids missed you, so I proposed writing you a letter, something to remember us by. There ended up being quite a few, so I hope between trainings and lessons you’ll get enough time to slowly read them all. It was lovely getting to spend so many summers with you. I’ve missed you. I’ve attached my number at the bottom of this message, it might make communication easier, even if just to let me know you got the letters. Big hugs from everyone. 

You signed your name at the bottom, scribbling your number and checking it thrice, as well as reading the whole thing over and over. It wasn’t much, and most of what you wanted to say went unwritten, not willing to tell him anything more than friendly words, already debating for quite some time before Sarah convinced you to write your number down too. “He’ll appreciate it.” She comforted you, looking at the letter in your hand. “It’s so forward.” You muttered, eyebrows drawn together in worry. There was nothing more that scared you than losing this friendship you had built with him, kill this harboring crush before it even had a chance, just cause you had been too forward. “This is literally the opposite. If I were you I’d end it with Love, or with my whole heart, or-” “Okay.” You interrupted her, plucking the page out of her hand and folding it neatly, placing it on top of the stack. You’d send them tomorrow morning, the address you had gotten written carefully and neatly on the front, all the letters placed together in a simple box, not overly heavy but surely giving him some reading material. You truly hoped he wouldn’t mind you finding out where to send the letters to. When you had gotten to his family’s ranch, roughly a week ago, you smiled as you knocked on the door, his mother welcoming you in for some fresh lemonade and a slice of her apple pie. You ended up sticking around for over an hour, telling her stories of how you had met Bob, what activities he was the best at organizing and what stories he had told, as well as her mentioning how much he talked about you, making your heart flutter until you realized she probably meant you as in “the whole team”. By the time the sun had started to set, you had left his house with an address, a piece of pie for the way home, and a new friend. The next morning you sent the letters, the little box you had prepared now donning his name and an address, and soon, hopefully in the next week, he’d receive them.

A week and a half after that, you received it. A simple text from an unknown number, the picture attached to the message immediately giving you a clue as to who it might be.

I am honestly speechless. I didn’t expect this, thank you so, so much.

[quidcumque]

GRAVEYARD KEEPER: FIRST THOUGHTS

I heard it compared to Stardew Valley and aside from the silly title screen, it's definitely visually there. Play through? There are a hell of a lot of cons, but they won't keep me from playing it

Con: no character customization, no choices at all. You ARE a heterosexual white male-presenting protagonist with a female-presenting white sweetheart. Any headcannon re either of you being 🏳️‍⚧️ remains headcannon

Hilarious: you are reading a text from your sweetheart when crossing a road and you get hit by a car. Keep track of your surroundings, kids

Con: the dialog writing starts out real clumsy. You do eventually get choices, but I prefer how SV makes you the strong silent type when you're not actively involved

WHICH REMINDS ME, CON: don't let the dialog bubbles cycle on their own without me clicking??? I missed so much unretrievable info because I was mulling over the first half smh

Plot: she swallowed the dog to catch the cat, she swallowed the cat to catch the bird, she swallowed the bird to catch the spider, she swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don't know why she swallowed the fly, maybe she died crossing the street and woke up in a shitty little medieval FLAT EARTHER village and she has to rube goldburg her way to and through a magic portal to get back to her sweetheart. Or something.

Pro: I don't play rpgs much so while I don't prefer this style over sv's do-whatever-and-you'll-suck-less-as-you-go gameplay, it's pretty awesome in and off itself BECAUSE it's so different. It also contributes heavily to the swallowed-the-spider-to-catch-the-fly effect because it's got EIGHT TABS OF TECH TREES and I started drawing graphs

Pro: you're on a derelict homestead/graveyard with a familiar need to clear rocks/trees/stuff and bring the area back to life. BUT doing things gives you different xp/knowledge points which is how you advance on the tech trees, so it's different from just a carbon copy SV feel

Con: Jesús Christ you can tell this was made by a dude. So was SV, but where it had nearly equal gender ratios (plus the aforementioned character choices), I've seen... not very many women thus far, and what we get is not exactly impressive. I have no problems with "ms charm" telling me to fuck off until I deserved to talk to her, as half the men I met said the same. But I've met two wives thus far, and uhhhhhhhhhhh one is straight up called sweet but stupid in her bio and the other opens EVERY SINGLE DIALOG with "you should talk to my husband, he's in charge" like jfc lady you're the one I need for recipes, calm down? Does he beat you? What the hell?

Con: let's set aside that I'm pretty sure the "medieval idiots thought world flat" thing has been debunked, because I found info but it didn't have good citations. Also maybe we're going for parody over historically accurate, fine whatever. But whyyyyyyyyyy do you have a guy named "G*psy Traveler" like I know I have an inflated sense of how widely it's known that that's a slur, but it on top of the flat earth thing and the WOW that's bad female-or-anything representation, it builds an image of the creator/creators as the really stereotypical basement dwelling head-up-ass dudes who have never ever looked outside their zone and never ever want to

Pro: like two steps into the tutorial you're slapped in the face with Soilent Green is People and you just live with that

Hilarious: I can tell when I have a first conversation with somebody I was supposed to have met already, because my pre-scripted side of the conversation suddenly backslides in terms of my acceptance of the situation

Pro: time is an illusion and represented only by the cycle of emoji-labeled days. Weeks are not counted, so I legitimately have no clue how many "weeks" I went through last night

Unsure??? I don't know how much I'm going to have to drink the church koolaid to progress? I saw an indication up the tech tree that suggested my good/evil choices MIGHT matter, but I've got no idea how. I told the inquisitor who'd just BURNED A PEOPLE ALIVE IN FRONT OF ME that sure I'd be his friend, and I don't know if the game allows for that to have been a choice made out of the fear that I'd be burned next if I said no

Pro: I still want to play it. The myriad cons will influence how I talk about it to my friends, but it's still giving me dopamine, and that's good enough

[ghost-rule0]

Mindfuck (Part 1/2)

Vash the Stampede x Reader

Another draft for the fanfic I wanted to try writing down. Again not edited bc I am still at work just writing down ideas. This time Imma split it in two parts tho, one focusing on exploring readers own defensiv strategies while also bonding with our beloved ex insurance worker and now reporter Meryl :3

The second part is again some fluff with Vash obviously and I might also trow in some Wolfwood and or Roberto interactions for the sake of writing them.

I still need to do more researche and draw more concepts for this fanfic to actually start so imma just bomb you with scenarious that I might or might not will later trow in the real book. Also yes I will probebly trow in isekai reader but thats just an idea for now

Enjoy!

The tension in the air was almost suffocating. The room was painfully silent aside from the faint sobbing of children and their mothers trying calm them down, voice trembling in fear.

Y/N knew this scenario more than she did like to. The bandits that held the bank hostage that she and Merly entered some hours ago were having an heated argument in back of the room while the other hostages nerves were tested at the fearful image that was infront them. The bandits had shot one of their own comrades that didn't want to share with them and now was laying dead in his own puddle of blood.

Human brains worked the same no matter which dimension they were in. It didn't matter if it was on Earth or here on Gunsmokes Criminals were always mentally scared beeings, so if stressed some tended to use the only form of problem solving they knew.

That just happened to be violance.

Back at home before she crashed the dessert here some weeks prior she was studying exactly that, using her observant nature and her deep interest in crime to become a profiler.

In a world where Guns and Violance was dominating the planet having the abilitys she possesed, analyzing heavior and seeing the patterns while also manipulating people to let her be, that was her ultimate weapon to stay alive. since the only other weapon she had was a metalic pipe and that barely worked against a fully armed bandits.

She stayed silent most of the event, looking around and calmly observing her surroundings. Originally there were three bandits. Two dominat ones and one subbmissiv guy. Right as they started this whole trouble she knew from experience some shit would eventually go down since most of the time criminals only could operate in groups with one dominat member that so happen to have submissiv sidekicks, so seeing the two man bicker over the leader role already set of the alarm bells in her mind.

Meryl meanwhile was also surprisingly calm, or at least she tried to be. The reporter wasn't used to beeing in the middle of conflict. Since she joined Roberto, Vash had always been the center of attetion which made it a bit easier for her to stay back and have less stress. But Vash wasn't here and she was stuck with the only other person on this god forsaken planet that was similar a danger magnet than the blond man himself.

But that didn't stop her from keeping herself cool. Seemingly more nervous than her partner beside her but still in a better mental state than the other hostages. For Vash for this matter, who was outside with Roberto and wolfwood. The trio hid in a alleyway near the bank, carefully watching the sheriff and the bankers wife talk about the situation. The blond man was basically a nervous wreck and blamed himself for the capture. Telling himself he should have gone with the two girls or at least get inside to save there asses. But he didn't let that get through, while his anxious side was bascially ripping his brain apart the gunslinger and rational side of him was already working on a plan.

Y/N didn't exactly know that but she predicted that he would do something like that. He cared for people too much to just let a hostage happen under his watch. But she knew as much as she wanted to, she couldn't put all the afford on getting them out on the boys. Which is why she already had an idea.

Prior to them walking off to the bank Roberto gave Meryl one of his darengers, which she thankfully had hidden so good in her coat that as the bandits demanded all weapons to be given to them they couldn't find one on her. And since she was the only one currently possesing a weapon it was her job to take out the leader while she herself took the side kick.

The screaming of the leader become loud and obnoxious enough that he had all the attetion of the room, so she could whisper to merly without anyone noticing.

"I think I got a plan" she whispered as her eyes were locked on the duo. "You think? What are we supposed to do its two armed gigants against us" she hissed silently in the (h/cs)nettes ears. Y/N hummed agreeing as answer as her eyes roamed the area. "You still have the gun Roberto gave you right" her voice dropping almost inaudible as the word gun rolled of her tongue, playing even more save no one would notice their conversation. Meryl softly nodded before Y/N spoke up again. "When I give you a signal you shoot the gun out of the bigger guys hand. Try not to aim for his fatal spots until really necessary. I take care of the second one..." she laughed air and soundless before looking at me. "He also has a gun how do you want to do that?! As soon as I hurt his boss we are swiss cheese!"

Carefully observing the smaller man as he started to nervously chew on his fingers she smirked. The gun in his hands he held firmly but his finger never was even near the trigger. He flinched every time his boss was pointing at one if the hostages when he spilled empty threats and ealier as he shoot the other bandit he couldnt even look at the corpse.

"That is gonna be childsplay trust me"

-

It didn´t take long until the argument had finally stopped and the bandits attetion was back at their hostages presence. No one dared to move. They didnt need to rope them up since all of the people were scared, scared too shitless to even try to resist. Most silently sobbed, some prayed, others sat in their corners and accepted their envidible doom and Meryl and Y/N meanwhile had gotten their hands on one of the belongings of the bankers inside. Working in a bank all day takes a lot of time and nerves since its takes full concentration out of someone to carefully count money and take care of the safes in the back. So it wasnt surprising one of them had empty bottles laying around. Collecting laying around juck was less noticable than for example asking the staff memembers for say cigerettes and lighters. It wasnt much but it was enough to cause the bandits to panic. The leader kicked one of the workers in the face as he held his gun to the poor mans head. “you useless fucks are even less worth than the little to no cash you have laying around in this bullshit bank! Not even the Sheriff wants to pay for your pathetic asses! Fucking useless shits!” he growled in rage as the banker cried and plead for his life. “Please..Please! I have a wife and children at home! Please do..don’t kill me” he maniged to croak out between sobs. The Bandit puts his finger on the trigger and grinned, in a widely spread and digusting smile. His eyes were could and his eyebrows twitched in amusment. He was getting a kick out of seeing the mans fear, begging him to not pull the trigger. Y/N knew that face and she cursed silently in her head. The man didn’t care for the money anymore. After killing his teammate he started to get a kick out of it.

He started to like killing people.

“fuck it” the girl growled digusted before jumping up, carefully having moved to the blind spot carefully over the past minutes, before trowing the bottle as hard as she could at the back of the leaders head, stunning him for a second as Meryl dashed forward and shot right trough the hand that was holding the gun. A loud and painful cut trough the silence as blood spat everywhere, leaving the mans head mangled and impaled as the reporter takled his screaming form to the ground and took his gun. Holding both the deringer and the mans own gun to his head, hissing in his hear to stay down or else he would have two more holes in his head to speak shit out from. The other robber meanwhile started to panic and point his gun at her friends head. “Get....get of....off him or else...else I will shoot!” he stuttered out. His eyes were wide and fearful but also paniced. Y/N meanwhile walked slowly between them. Having the gun of the panicking robber pressed against her forhead. As she calmly smiled. Her calm starring made him seemingly shake more, having the finger on the trigger non stop as he blabbeled more nonsense, trying to threath her. But it was barely understandble english since his stuttering made him almost mess up every word. If she didn´t knew better he almost looked like beeing moments away from having a panic attack. Shaking, heavy and unsteady breating, increased heartbeat and blurred vision by tears.

Yeah she knew all this systems all too well from her time back home.

Meryl seemed also to sweat, becoming more nervous for her friends safety as she carefully held the man down, recalling her words from ealier. “childsplay? you are insane!” She chuckled as she smiled at her “maybe you need to be a little insane to survive here. Ok listen I will stun the leader so you can get a good aim for his hand and dash to hold him down. And no matter what you hear, concentrate on holding the guy down and don’t turn around to me, ok?”

She swallowed hard as she mumbled “you are so fucked up” clenching her eyes shut as she forced herself to concentrate fully on holding the guy down, not looking if her friend would soon be silenced as a shoot would ring.

But it never came. The nervous mumbling of the bandit was interupted by a cutting, clear and cocky sounding. “you won´t shoot me, you don’t have the guts to do soo”

The gun fell from his almost forcefully shaking hands, right before the cocky grinning Y/N grabbed him and pulled him forwards. Punching him right in the face, covering her fist with lots of his blood, probebly breaking his nose, before his limp body hit the ground.

---

[offantasiesandreams]

ey man, can i have a drabble with the puppeteer wanting to give the batter lots of kisses (because he deserves it :b)

Ayo, absolutely! Fluff is good and I'm always more than happy to write it! And you are so right, he deserves every kiss on the planet! As well as a lullaby! Someone out there should sing him a lullaby too!

Reader Giving Batter Kisses

“Oh, look! It seems like you’ve got a spot here!” Batter turned to you, utterly confused at your allegation. While it was true that he was eating a cream puff you had brought him, he was attentive enough to not spill anything. Or get some on himself for that matter. Though, you were His Player, you knew best about what he couldn’t see, for your judgement was always correct.

“I understand, the spot will be removed immediately. May I ask where it might be, however?” Looking up and down on his clothing, aside from a few crumbs, which he proceeded to wipe off of himself, he couldn’t find anything, his face didn’t feel as though it had anything on it either.

Still, you gave him a warm smile, one, the sun itself would be envious of. Just looking at you felt like being hit by a ray of light after a dreary night. Your giggles made something in Batter flutter, even if, by now, he knew you were up to something. It may have been good, it may have been bad, but either way, he was going to support you through it, even if it meant he was the victim of another prank of yours.

As you leaned closer to his face, Batter took another bite of his cream puff, chewing it rather slowly, however. Eventually, as he felt your breath on his face, he looked away, unable to maintain eye contact any further. “Oh, another spot seemed to have appeared, let me get it for you real quick!”

Puzzling as that statement of yours may have been, the saviour had no time to question your motives for he felt your lips pressing against his cheek. In that moment, he stopped chewing completely, too stunned to form a coherent thought. Only when he hid underneath the safety of his hat did he realise he still had food to swallow, as it was rude to speak with a full mouth. “My Player, I appreciate your taking care of me.”

“Batter, what are you talking about?” You snatched the baseball cap from his hands and put it aside. “You’re so full of spots right now! I need to get every single one of them!” Putting Batter’s face in your hands may have been your very worst idea yet. There was nowhere he had left to hide his face, red as the setting sun and cold as a winter evening. All four of his ruby red eyes were open, avoiding yours entirely.

And thus, your barrage began. Not a single spot of his was spared. From his cheek, to his nose, to his forehead. And every time you seemed to have gotten rid of a spot, two would appear in its stead somewhere else. Batter truly was as epic as he was mysterious. But even the heroic Hercules had to have his downfall eventually, as he, too, was merely a mortal. The finishing blow, you found, was when you met Batter’s lips.

“Aww, is someone all smiles now?”

Even the tip of his ears were red by the time you were finished with him. If you had been a spectre, Batter’s journey would have been much more difficult, it’s probably for the best you were His Player. But none of that mattered as you were awaiting a response when you didn’t get one. Did you go too far? Or, even worse, did you break him?

When he did face you again, it was a sight you would never forget. A small smile was placed on his lips. Like a blue moon, it was a rare sight, and like the lining up of the planets, an event you would never forget. One last time, you gave him a kiss on the cheek, whispering an “I love you” to a guy, who has not felt this much glee in a long time.

[iiusia]

2, 3, 4, 13, 21, 23, and 24! I WANNA KNOW ABOUT YOUR OLIVIAVERSE YES YES

2. Summarize this au in 5 sentences.

im always so bad at this kinda stuff but i will try my best

olivia saves herself and tries to slowly relearn how to live. eli's been saving himself every day for years. mariam tries to keep them (and herself) together. they love each other so much :(. it'll work out, eventually.

3. Did anything inspire this au?

lichrally any story ive read that has slice of life/bittersweetness TBH!! but for the latest thing id say the line tender by kate allen / après céleste by maude nepveu villeneuve (french book saurry)

4. What is a major change you made?

this story used to have magical realism with birds as a thouroughline but i ended cutting that part out i felt like it was Too Much for this story yk... but i do wanna end up writing magical realism sometime soon

(that's why there's a bird in the parking lot in that snippet i posted a while back!!)

13. Write a lil snippet set in this verse.

thought id give a little uni arc olivia + lauren (for the first time? i think?)

Lauren pulls the headphones away from her ear. "Anybody you want to talk to?" Olivia, who's sitting on the small couch bolted to the side of the ship, gives a dismissive wave. "No," she says, still typing away furiously at her laptop. Lauren frowns and lowers the headphones to her neck. "Are you sure? It's been two weeks. No one that needs to know that you're not dead?" Olivia's fingers still, and she shoots Lauren a quick smile, all teeth. It's somewhat tight at the edges. "Nope," she says, shutting her laptop screen and gingerly setting it aside. "It's fine. I'm going to go get some fresh air. All that screentime is starting to make my eyes hurt." She leaves before Lauren can get a word in edgewise.

21. What makes you most excited about this fic?

i just LOVE writing these guys. you dont understand they live in my head so much that putting them down into words is a relief. like i just think that a dynamic like theirs is so fun to write... its about the deep love its about the loyalty its about the care its about the you-might-mess-up-sometimes-but-i-will-love-you-anyways DO YOU UNDERSTANDDDDDD

23. Do you have other ideas for how to continue this au/other fics that could be written in the same universe?

honestly the way im writing this now its kind of just disconnected scenes for fun yk so i could write Literally Anything... BUT for the sake of answering this question i do want to write more scenes for what i call the uni arc (olivia moves away for uni and everything she's tried to ignore blows up in her face)

24. Ramble about something you haven't gotten to talk about yet.

okay. honestly. been trying to figure it out but i lowkey want to make this story christian in some way?? idk like theres christian poetry there's christian fiction (mostly fantasy) but i havent ever read a christian story with These Vibes you know. i want to write a good story that is also christian!! is that too much to ask!!! i have no idea how .... honestly everything i think of sounds cringe and corny but maybe thats the like. social conditioning talking. fantasy stories have it easy because they can have magic and stuff so its easy to integrate but for this story thats like. the POINT is that its realistic and down to earth and they're all just People trying to get by. i cant really make it an allegory or a metaphor yk? it has to be real .... but then if i say "olivia starts to believe in her uni arc and becomes a christian" that just sounds silly to me!! (or maybe. again. its just that the worlds pov is that christianity is corny and silly and it could actually be good but IDK!!!)

[theowritesfiction]

Hey!

I'd just like to thank you for being such an active member of the Azutara community. I ship them, and define Azula's character in the series as 'morally grey' (I mean, I can't see how any mature adult could call a 14 year old inherently evil, but I suppose watching the show as a child would give you a pretty lasting impression of that), but I have not yet found anyone who has remotely the same opinion as you, and am SO glad I found a kindred spirit in you.

You might recognise me through my AO3 username, lordinkbot, as I've been systematically leaving kudos as I make my way through your Burning Ring series and now am around fifty chapters through WLG, with every intention to finish it. I have THROUGHLY enjoyed everything you've written so far, but I'm still too shy to leave a comment on AO3, so I hope I can express gratitude here instead.

I have a question which will probably be answered as I keep reading, but could you please let me know when exactly you decided to make YuKaZula a throuple in WLG, instead of sticking to the Azutara pairing? I've been reading comments as I read, but there's been no real hints towards it, and as this is the first fic of significant length with polyamory in it that I read, I'd appreciate some insight into your thought process.

Aside from that, I think your writing is so well thought out, and despite the length of some of your fictions, it never seems to drag. Heck - I read The Pit of Snakes in one day flat because I simply could not stop. Thank you so much, again, for being active in this community, and I hope you never, ever stop writing.

All the best, Inky

Hey there, and thank you for this wonderful message, my head has now swelled to comical size from all the compliments to my writing. :)

Yes, I don't feel comfortable slapping a 14 year old girl with the label of Evil. I think Azula commits a few acts that could be classified as evil, but nowhere near as many as most people seem to believe. Azula in the show can be very unpleasant, but at the same time, I have not seen anything that would make me think that she couldn't change her ways.

Anyway, I'm glad you're enjoying my writing, and don't feel pressured to comment on ao3 if you don't feel comfortable. I hear that from quite a few readers - really, it's fine :)

YuKaZula throuple in WLG definitely was not planned when I set out to write the story. However, when Yue joined Katara and Azula in Ba Sing Se, I found that the characters gradually developed a more powerful emotional bond than I expected them to. Eventually, they grew so close that I couldn't imagine Yue being with someone else other than Azula and Katara. Of course, Katara and Yue already shared a bit of romantic past, but Yue and Azula had also kissed and obviously found each other attractive. At least from the writing perspective, this really was the case of characters insisting on which way they wanted the relationships to go. I hope that as you read the story, you'll see what I mean by that!

I'm very glad you enjoyed the Burning Ring trilogy, and you definitely don't need to worry about me stopping writing. I have plenty of ideas for more Azutara stories, so I'll be writing about these girls for a while yet. Messages like these also help to inspire me to keep going, so thank you so much for your kind words!

[thevagabondexpress]

a textbook case of not understanding your own characters, or, jordelia won't last under the parameters canon set out for them. some issues a tsc fan sees in tsc, pt. iv

Lemme paraphrase: I love Jordelia. I do. I love James and Cordelia and their crazy, beautiful, broken love story. That being said, James Herondale and the narrative are not nearly as healthy as we think they are and Cordelia's not going to stay in this situation long. Well, not in canon, under the parameters and presumptions the canon has laid out for them. I cannot picture Cordelia Carstairs wanting to be a mother under the circumstances presented in canon and the fact that Cassandra Clare leaves us with the assumption that she will be is deeply disturbing proof that she doesn't have any in-depth understanding of the characters she created. I give you a summary this time because the full analysis deals with issues of consent both dubious and completely nonexistent, and with pregnancy, and I'm sure some of y'all are not going to be comfortable with that.

part one: cordelia couldn't give informed consent in chain of thorns

"Cordelia had heard things whispered among other girls…but she still had little idea what happened in the marriage bed." —Cassandra Clare, Chain of Iron, pg. 110 in my copy.

"I will marry some other man, and he will know I was married to you. He will expect me to know how to kiss, and—do other things." —Cassandra Clare, Chain of Iron, pg. 363 in my copy

At no point after this is Cordelia shown to receive any kind of Talk whatsoever from anyone. The consent she gave in the scene in Chain of Thorns was uninformed. And uninformed consent is, surprise, not actually consent. Also, James knew this. He knew she didn't know anything. And he went ahead with it anyway.

part two: motherhood

Look me in the eyes and tell me that Cordelia Carstairs shows any indications in her canonical personality of being someone who wants to be a mother.

Firstly, she has a very busy, slightly wild, and yet also deeply disciplined lifestyle. Visits to the Hell Ruelle, hours of training, a deep emotional connection to the blade she wields, and a lifelong goal of being a hero. A merciful hero. She also takes two different partners in the course of the series (James and Matthew), suggesting in my eyes from the way in which she goes about this that potentially she might be open to polyamory. None of this is really a lifestyle conducive to babies. They take up too much time, too much money, and too much physical space. They're not conducive to polyamorous relationships where your partners aren't living under the same roof, you can't just leave them at one house to go stay with your other partner neither can you just shuffle them around with you when you move. And unlike Lucie, whose primary lifelong passion, writing, is something that can be done at home in the brief snatches of time when one is free, Cordelia doesn't have any hobbies that she could continue to do despite the sheer time that raising a child takes up. She'd have to give up everything but reading and playing chess and those are not enough.

Secondly, she watched in real time as her mother put aside everything, including her own mental health and wellbeing, to raise two children. She watched Sona give up the things she loved, choose to stay with an abusive husband, stop patrolling and fighting, and eventually waste away into a sickly hollow shell of herself. Her closest, most formative experience of motherhood paints it as a traumatic, exhausting, demoralizing, and restricting condition that forces you to give up your chosen lifestyle, your hobbies, and eventually your sense of identity and pride as an individual for the sake of your children.

I cannot, under these circumstances, imagine that Cordelia would find the idea of putting her own life aside for the sake of babies an appealing one. I imagine if you brought up children with her, the answer would be a resounding no. I can practically see the way she'd wrinkle her nose at the idea.

And yet, I don't see any other male Herondales forthcoming. If Cassandra Clare's canon is to be believed Cordelia must be the mother of at least one child so that the family line can continue.

Third. We know, as explained in part two, that Cordelia never received proper education and can't give informed consent. And James and Cordelia played very fast and loose with the concept of safety in the scenes we got in Chain of Thorns.

Is this what happens? Is this how we get a Herondale family line? Does Cordelia become a mother without consenting to it? I can't imagine she'd want to stay in that situation very long. I certainly cannot see her wanting to raise the child. I don't want this to be the case. I don't want to see her leaving James to raise his son alone while she escapes, hurt, to nurse her wounds and rage at him from somewhere safe. But unless we're given another Herondale like we got Alex for the Lightwoods, I don't see any happier ending for James and Cordelia.

part three: in conclusion All this to say, Cassandra Clare doesn't really understand Cordelia Carstairs. She created a character whose situation suggests she'd have no interest in motherhood, and then forced motherhood upon her. This is not the only time she's misunderstood Cordelia either. In Chain of Gold she's shown to be impulsive, but she's also shown to be a woman of action and anger, not a woman of passivity and tears. If Cordelia remained in character throughout Chain of Thorns, when she saw James and Grace in the foyer at the end of the book she would have come marching downstairs to demand to know Just what the hell is going on here? Instead, Clare chooses to have her…run away. Why? Because it gets her quickly to the next plot point, I guess. Despite the fact that this is decidedly not the Cordelia Carstairs that I know. And this isn't the only character she's lacked understanding of, or forced out of character for the sake of the plot. Cordelia and motherhood is simply the most grievous and, quite frankly, disturbing example.

"some issues a tsc fan sees in tsc" is an attempt to break down the unacknowledged things in tsc that i unearthed reading chain of thorns, rereading the rest of the series in preparation for it, and writing two longform fanfics (one of them a genderbent canon reworking) for the last hours. click on the "some issues..." tag to see more of these.

[atthebell]

after you finish learning pt/br (or at least feel like you have a grasp on it) do you have any other languages you want to learn :0??

i think i have a bit to go with ptbr, even though i feel fairly comfortable reading and listening to it. there's just a lot of vocab and grammar that id like to have a better handle on and i want to feel more comfortable with writing and speaking especially before i start learning anything else in earnest.

but to answer the question, i would love to go at french more eventually! partly because i think a really solid pipeline for english speakers is learning spanish then portuguese then french, because ime that helps you understand the similarities across romance languages and helps you get to french and understand why it operates the way that it does, or at least in part. but also french is still incredibly difficult even speaking two other romance languages, even speaking five other languages, so idk really. i have the basics down and i can read some french okay but i think nailing pronunciation is so difficult and i don't have a big incentive/motive to learn it, which i think is THE biggest factor in terms of language learning.

my like ideal lifetime list of languages i want to learn eventually, in no particular order, would be:

arabic

tagalog

mandarin

german

farsi

italian, because why not keep rounding out the romance languages

and probably a ton more i just can't think off the top of my head

i also have gotten to each language i've learned kind of by circumstance, so im fine with the idea of just stumbling upon being another language as it comes to me. like i originally took yiddish because a friend wanted me to learn it with him, then i took hebrew to better help with my textual skills for my degree (i have two degrees in religious studies, both focusing on judaism). the reason i've had a hard time with french is because i had no real reason to learn aside from vague interest and that wasn't a particularly motivating factor, so i worked on the basics and then kind of let it fall by the wayside. and portuguese of course came by way of the qsmp, and because it's so close to spanish i felt far more comfortable with it and have gotten a lot more practice. i'd had something in mind to maybe learn each language as they got added, but it became pretty clear to me that 1. i love portuguese so so much and want to focus on it 2. learning too many languages at once usually means one gets deprioritized or both/several suffer 3. it is VERY difficult to learn french in any circumstances, let alone outside a more traditional academic setting, and the same goes for several other languages added-- i cannot fathom learning korean without the proper cultural context and without a dedicated teacher, and same goes for german despite my leg up with already speaking yiddish (actually because of speaking yiddish i know just how difficult german might be in some regards). so because of all that i kept up with ptbr and set french aside, and decided not to learn the others just yet, though i obviously won't rule them out. i still practice some french every now and then, but for the most part im waiting until i get that motivation, and i think i want to really work at portuguese before i get to anything else. like i want to be really confident in portuguese and i would also really love to visit brazil eventually and be able to speak it without feeling too silly.

anyway yeah atm im laser-focused on portuguese but ill see where the wind blows me in terms of future languages

[highladyluck]

Wifeswap AU: Mat/Faile and Perrin/Tuon

I kind of covered this in Perrin's Cursed Shadar Logoth Ax AU, in that I think Coyote Cauthon would end up with Berelain, and Faile would be his Birgitte-style galpal, and Gun!Perrin/Tuon is a hideous disaster that hopefully doesn't have all its shit hit the fan until after the Last Battle.

2. BUT. Someone on here (and I need to look up who) had a theory that the two birds fighting over a ta'veren were originally supposed to be Tuon and Berelain, and the ensuing choice would have been between allying with the invading descendants of Hawkwing vs the local descendants of Hawkwing. Part of the idea was that this would have tied into the Old Blood thing that Mat had early on, and Mat would have had the raising Manetheren plotline. 3. Aside from the bird thing as it currently is being kind of gross and thematically not super interesting, and the Mat's Old Blood plotline mostly ending up as Early Installment Weirdness instead of tying into the raising of Manetheren, I think there's evidence for this in the fact that Tuon and Faile have a lot of strange little similarities.

4. But keeping the setting and plot the same, and just trying to make it work personality wise... I could maybe see Mat doing like a slowburn friends to lovers thing with Faile? They've got the knife kink going for them & Mat loves a competent violent lady. Mat's a little bit in love with almost every woman, so the trick to getting Mat to fall hard in love is some combination of him being emotionally ready, and also kinda frog-boiling him in slightly escalating feelings that he doesn't notice until it's too late for him to escape. For her part, Faile seems very firmly not into twinks, but otoh that'll help; this is not going to work if Faile comes on too strong too fast. Faile admires competency but also wants a fixer-upper, and Mat does fit the bill.

5. I have to go with a variation on the Gunk Premise for Perrin/Tuon; Perrin has just killed Faile or someone else he loves sincerely, goes off the rails because he can't trust himself anymore, and ends up doing wetwork for Tuon because he wants to be punished, used, and eventually discarded by a professional. Tuon makes him a Seeker and loves him in the way she loves her tools, and I guess if Mat isn't in the picture and she needs to make an alliance she might marry him, but it's pretty unlikely to get healthier or more equal. UNLESS she gets made damane, and Perrin rescues her, and then probably someone else entirely gets them therapy and teaches them both how to be functional people somehow, and they have some sort of hint of a real relationship in the aftermath. Which would actually be kind of cool, but is not something I'm equipped to write, that's like several levels of whump beyond my skill or interest level.

[pebblysand]

Hi!! First of all, I just wanted to say that I've had Castles set aside on my list of fics that I want to read next, and I started it a couple of days ago, and THIS IS THE BEST DAMN FIC I HAVE READ IN MY LIFE!!! I'm only on chapter 5, but I've been reading late into the night, so at this rate, I'll be done with the current 14 chapters by next week. Amazing job! Second of all (and I'll completely understand if you choose to ignore this ask because it may sound a bit rude), I was wondering what your updating schedule is like. The reason for this is because I don't really enjoy finishing a fic that is still in progress and waiting for weeks for the next chapter to come out. Generally, I try to pace myself so I don't have to worry about this at all, but it turns out I have absolutely no willpower, so you can see how this might be a problem. Again, PLEASE don't feel offended by this ask, I'm simply curious about when you plan for the next chapter to come out.

Thanks for writing, I have officially accepted Castles as canon!

Hi anon! Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it. It's great you're enjoying the fic!

I will say, though, given all you've said, I think it might not be for you, at this point in time. I don't really have an update schedule, I update when I can, which can sometimes be months apart. You can see my posting history here to get an idea. I think my longest time not updating was seven months this year, though I did come back with three chapters in a row, which I hope made up for the wait, haha.

This being said, I really do appreciate the polite manner with which this question was asked, so thank you ❤️. I do think you need to keep in mind that fanfic writers are not paid to do this work, that a lot of us have real-life responsibilities, dependents, etc. which makes it hard to update on a regular schedule, especially when chapters are +10k long (for the record and as an example, I tracked that it took me around 80 hours to edit last chapter, and that's not counting actual writing time). I'm not saying this to "guilt" you for your question, which again was super nice and polite, but maybe to give you a bit of context. I do think moving forward, if that's something that's very important to you (which I understand ^^), you may want to stick with reading fics that are already finished.

I know that a lot of people also get anxious about authors leaving the work abandoned, which is why a lot of people don't read WIPs. I will say in my defence that I have a track record of finishing all my stories eventually, and that I'm, frankly, quite a stubborn bitch, meaning that unless I get hit by a bus, chances are I will finish this. Ultimately, it is your choice though, and of course, I wouldn't blame you if you chose not to stick with castles. I'm hoping to finish by the end of 2023, so you might also want to leave it on pause until then :).

Thanks again :).