#I need exposure therapy that's all.

[kiribaku]

armpit hair induced dysphoria.... long rant abt​body hair and gender below

see, I refuse to shave my body bc it's demented that bc I was born with this set of sex characteristics I have to shave my body hair. absolutely moronic. so I refuse to do that, as a person who doesn't identify as a woman and as someone who's a feminist and thinks it's unfair to expect that of ppl. however I am aware of the rising number of men who shave for aesthetic reasons but it angers me that something as natural as body hair is seen as ugly and must be removed, it's so infuriating that our bodies are so commodified, esp women, and now men are actually performing that same way which. is awful imo nobody shld.

anyway back to my point, basically bc I have armpit hair, I feel serious discomfort around it being seen, so I never wear tank tops when I go out. and I have no idea why bc I wear JORTS all the time and my leg hair is out n about?? so why are armpits a problem. I'm thinking some "exposure therapy" (just going outside unshaved w a tanktop will help), but also, it's dysphoria too. not the usual one but more so dysphoria caused by imbalanced gender expression. like. ig subconsciously I see the hair as my masculine side, and the tight tank tops are too feminine, and so it clashes and makes me uncomfortable. AND AHGGHG THATS SO LAME AND IT PISSES ME OFF. I also prefer hiding my leg hair with black tights if I'm gonna wear a skirt or something fem bc again, the clashing, but I've mostly worn baggy shorts and the leg hair goes with it. ahhhhh I'm just so upset and uncomfortable abt it. I wish society didn't care and i wish men who stare and laugh and mock girls on the street dropped dead. like I feel unsafe in this town and country and this world. seeing a group of boys who r probably just friends going out terrifies me bc I know they're bad people. like I know from their style and way of moving it's just so obvious they're evil sleaze bags. and walking past them in feminine clothes but with hair??? death sentence idk. I'm just very unhappy with my gender, my expression of it, my wardrobe, my body, and everything.

[sadsongsandwaltzes]

I am not a psychologist so I have no clue if this is just my own crackpot theory or what. And my apologies if I’m speaking out of my ass here.

We were not made for a fallen world. We were made for Eden. Since we have to live in this world corrupted by sin, the brain does what it has to in order to survive.

A toddler doesn’t know what “hot” means, until one day you warn the child not to touch a plate because it’s “hot,” they touch anyways, they feel the sting, and now they understand what “hot” means. The brain, now acknowledging this is something that can be a threat, has an immediate response to “hot.” Anytime someone says “hot,” we immediately recoil and make sure we don’t touch whatever is believed to be hot. The brain is simply trying to survive.

I think there’s a similar thing happening with trauma response. It’s the brain doing the same thing, but to such an extreme degree that it’s almost impossible to function. If someone survives a near fatal car crash, they may panic when they go near a car. Why? Because the brain has learned this thing to be an immediate and serious threat. The brain is now trained to fear and recoil. If you lived in a war zone and learned to sleep with one eye open so to speak, the brain is now trained to sense danger at every turn, especially when you’re in such a vulnerable state as sleep. You’re living in a constant state of anxiety because you expect a fatal threat. It’s why sudden noises and movements can trigger anxiety.

The brain is doing what it does. It adapts to perceived threats for survival. This heightened state of anxiety is deemed necessary by the brain, but we were not made to live in such a state. We cant. So the brain is, ironically, slowly killing itself. The brain is rewired and burned out and always looking for that next serious threat. It’s always reminding us that the threat looms. It’s where the subconscious lives. It’s why there’s constant anxiety, why there’s nightmares.

Of course, this can be exacerbated if the trauma is accompanied by severe grief or guilt.

This brings me to my point. If you would not tell someone to just pray the cancer away, I don’t think you can tell them to just pray the trauma away. We’re talking about a real physiological problem happening.

I think grief and guilt can be assuaged by the gospel. But the brain’s inner working itself? It’s a medical problem the same as any other. God absolutely can heal trauma same as cancer, but sometimes he doesn’t. Faith can absolutely bring about peace in hardships and give us the strength to carry on, but it’s not a guarantee that God will remove the hardship. That would be prosperity gospel.

And with all of this we can also recognize that certain treatments or habits may help relieve symptoms without fully curing, it exists on a medical spectrum.

And I think this is true about a lot of mental illness.

For the record, I think most mental illness in modern America is actually spiritual illness. And I think most psychologists are looney tunes. But people abusing a certain field of study and being stupid and misdiagnosing doesn’t negate the field of study as a whole.

If every sick person who walks into a doctors office no matter the symptoms gets diagnosed with cancer, it means the doctor is a quack and we have a problem of over diagnosis of a disease. But it doesn’t mean the disease isn’t real and that a certain percentage of the population doesn’t actually suffer from it. That would be a downright foolish thought.

Hormones, brain function, all of it can affect the mind. The brain is a complex organ. We still can’t fully understand it. And I don’t think we ever will. We know the brain can affect the mind. If it didn’t, people with TBIs would never suffer from sudden mental illness or personality shifts.

It seems wholly unchristian to deny the reality of both our body and the fallen state of the world.

[apotelesmaa]

I love the tenmas so dearly… the doll event is so good. Saki and Tsukasa having a fight over a misunderstanding and Saki is like I’m so evil he HATES me I’m the worst little sister in the world while tsukasa is like I upset Saki I’m horrible I need to go run directly into traffic. Tsukasa saving up to get Saki new dolls because he thinks he ruined them when he was bringing them to her in the hospital… Saki loving those dolls more than anything *because* tsukasa brought them to her in the hospital… They love each other so much. Do not separate them.

[pinksilvace]

very normal pen sketches from a very normal week

[youremyonlyhope]

Living with Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors

Me: *Is super stressed over life.*

Trichotillomania: Time to pull some hair! C'mon. You won't even notice you're doing it. It'll make you feel better.

Me: NO. *Spends 4 days putting hair in a mini twist protective style* There.

Dermatillomania: Hey. Your hands are free. And restless. And dry... Pick your skin. Bleed. Bleed.

Me: Stop! *Starts up a new crochet project to keep hands busy.* Ok cool.

Onychophagia: Hi hi. Your nails are.... perfect biting length... you should do that.

Me: Noooooooooooo *Paints nails.*

Dermatillomania: Oh look, you got some nail polish on your skin. Pick it off... now pick some more...

Me: SDJAKFDSJFKLDKAFDJKLAFJDKSAKLFDASL

[uitzinnigmp3]

smiling blushing kicking my feet etc

[kijosakka]

After leaving Bridgette, stuck to a frozen pole... How Alejandro would react to Assistant Noah saying that he knows what Alejandro is doing, but Noah honestly doesn't care?... What if Noah only cares about how Alejandro unfairly treats Owen?

ASSISTANT NOAH: "None of the people on this show are exactly innocent angels either, so if the guys are dumb enough to fall for your charming tricks and the girls let themselves be swooned by you despite having boyfriends, then they deserve to lose." 🙄

i do think this instance would have add some in the way of later plot, what with london and the eel comment -- as established up until around germany, assistant noah has a neutral-positive view of alejandro:

(though ngl just considering his general mannerisms i am leaning more towards neutral -- character arcs and whatnot, neutral > negative > positive, so his ribbing comes off as uninterested as he is, more like general commentary on what's happening)

anyway its post-egypt and not much further and i don't think alejandro would expect, at this point, to react any different -- assuming that he would assume noah was coming up to rib him about the challenge again.

on noahs end, there is no real distaste for alejandro (....yet), emphasized by his seemingly unimpressed that no one catches onto alejandros scheming -- implying that noah sees it as something obvious.

^ tinged by bias by virtue of being on the crew and seeing behind-the-scenes clips and footage or not, to be so blatant about 'if they don't know, they deserve it' does mean that noah believes it to be something people should be catching onto (also worth mentioning that through him specifically telling owen, he offers more leeway for him in the face of this; favoritism.)

anyway, recap (for myself, mostly): alejandro's perception of noah up until this point is basically 'guy on the crew who ribbed me once' and didn't gloat about any of his strategies to avoid having a paper trail of his manipulation.

ergo -- this alters alejandro's pespective of noah drastically. because, again, noah is part of the crew and therefore not a threat to his game (and in fact could only really be an asset through this to alejandro), so for him to also be so outwardly comfortable with alejandro's manipulation signifies him as a kind of confidant role; someone alejandro can gloat to in small moments as long as he's careful about who's listening, because noah doesn't care.

as for how that changes london -- well, previously, noah would only take up that kind of confidant role post-london, once the cards were out on the table and alejandro goes with his flirting deflection thing. now though i do think it adds if he takes up the role earlier:

because, well. conflict. in alejandro's eyes, noah is taking on, again, that confidant role that he himself grows quite comfortable in, seeking reprieves from the competition that don't damage his game like how heather does suddenly insulting him behind his back and becoming very outwardly vitriolic and distasteful.

however in noahs eyes, alejandro is two-timing -- he'd probably assume that alejandro is aware (probably assuming he's watched previous seasons) that him and owen are friends, and thus assume he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, through being friendly with noah but being so vocal about his dislike of owen. they're a Package Deal, doesn't he know that?

anyway my point here is that it opens up a lot of opportunity for alejandro to be hurt/confused and retaliate in whatever ways, and for noah to assume he's just doubling-down and thus have it sour his opinion more. misunderstand is what i'm saying here.

.........or comedy of errors. both. both are good.

[iphigeniacomplex]

going to group exposure therapy at 13 didnt fuck me up but i have trouble explaining this to people. like okay yeah it was literally me and these other kids sitting at a table instructed to intentionally trigger one another and not help the triggered individual deal with the severe emotional response we caused and yeah there was a screaming room which was just sort of a little sectioned-off area with no door where this one kid in the other group went in and screamed for the entire duration of every session and like YEAH. i did make my longest-lasting friend there who i love dearly but for like two years we had no idea how to speak with one another in a situation not based around triggering one another bc that was how we became friends so every time we hung out i’d be like “you should tell that cashier to fuck off and not apologize” and shed be like “okay well i will not do that but god probably is like super mad at you right now” and separately we’d both be like i am being such a good friend to my bestie with ocd right now. but im saying that was all literally normal you just had to be there

[nosferatufaggot]

I got season one on DVD. Haven't watched yet. Not to be the G3 hater people don't like, cuz truly I'm not, BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I watched the live action movie when it first came out. I frankly really didn't like it other than Frankie. I love the original and didn't like all the changes and I still don't like the changes. So, I was already upset once the movie was over. Then the new show had it's premiere. Frankie wasn't voiced by the actor who played Frankie (and I was under the impression that this would be in the same universe as the movie so I was upset) AND THEN Toralei was posh british. That truly was the tipping point for me.

I really want to give this a fair shot because I know I would 100% love it if not for my already huge love of G1. I'm gonna watch this a few times. I know my first time watching this I'll just be a hater going "BUT THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO!" even though my mind and myself understand that this is different from G1. My heart will feel the betrayal and I'm just gonna have to get used to it. I so badly want to like this and I know I will once I jump over that hurdle. I've already seen a few episodes I like aswell.

[selfcontainedunivcrse]

i worry abt making Vwoop's backstory Too Edgy but . it is just a little thing in the middle of two guys with competing god complexes and it's NOT having a good time

[sentimental-sil]

one very good thing about Knowing Bugs that I hope to impart on people who are Afraid Of Bugs (that's okay!) even just a little bit is that once you get to Know bugs, you can feel something crawling around on your leg at night in your dark bedroom and when you turn on your light to look at it you can assess that hey. This Particular Guy is harmless and fine. and instead of feeling scared you can make that assessment and brush him off or put him outside or whatever feels comfortable to do and just go back to whatever chill thing you were doing! because hey you've Noticed and Observed enough bugs now to differentiate the ones that might be dangerous* from the ones that are largely neutral to you! and it's nice to have that knowledge because it helps you feel more secure in your environment (a home is an environment too!) and more comfortable and less scared, and it's always nice to be Less Scared I think <3

*disclaimer: even "dangerous" bugs are inherently valuable and worthy of their own buggy life opportunities, and with time you can learn to be very relaxed around them too! but at the same time if there is a tick crawling up your leg at night unfortunately you do have to recognize that and remove it :/

[piplupod]

also fungus gnats or no-see-ums have come indoors while i had the (screened) windows open down here to try to get in a little fresh air, and now I keep getting tiny bugs in my face every so often no matter what room I'm in and idk which they are bc they look so similar so idk how to get rid of them other than just keep trying to kill any that I spot in here and never open the windows again 😭

[horsetailcurlers2]

cbt may not be for me. my therapist is alway like “you should examine why you feel that way” and i’m like????? a.) i just explained exactly why i feel that way and b.) isn’t that what i’m here for??? so you can help me with the examining. like maybe i’m just bad at therapy and missing something but there’s only so many times she can tell me to be mindful before i take a hammer to the walls

[ronanceautistic]

I think I just gotta start being merciless with that block button tbh to fight the ocd demons. Like I always feel guilty over blocking a post that is literally triggering the ocd because op is a good person/has takes i generally agree with. But like, yeah, blocking isn’t necessarily personal w me.

[toastsnaffler]

was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

man. it's just. dp is so charming.