Handsome Devil • C. Cole
Rating: Explicit
Word count: 4.3k of uhhh I love this little guy lets break him
Tags: PEGGING, prostate massage, anal sex, oral (f and m! receiving) femdom, modern au, college au, Criston is actually a little Baby Girl but pretends to be Big Man, like he’s a touch-starved needy SLUT, enemies to lovers, fast burn, Degredation and dirty talk, feminization, alcohol use, Alicent is a sad lesbian and I stand by this, man tears, subby spacey boy, Alicent is DONEEEE
Taglist: @arcielee @bambitas @moncherrii @starogeorgina @valeskafics @aemonds-holy-milk @targaryenbarbie @sugarpoppss2 @lovelykhaleesiii @thought--bubble @fairysluna
The more you learned about the enigmatic Criston Cole, the less you wanted to know. Mainly because his bravado was a bluff you could only seem to see. He listened to those idiotic chauvinist podcasts. You’d almost asked Alicent why she brought the asshole around so often.
But you knew. They both got dumped by Rhaenyra, who was moving on as they stewed. Her new man was quite hot. Poor Ali, she was the epitome of sad sapphic poetry. Stuck in the ways of her upbringing— a limbo of sorts. Still, a dear friend whom you tried to uplift and support, especially after the breakup.
Meanwhile, she was getting closer to Criston. Who you had remained to have a normal conversation with. Usually, you’d argue with him until he would yell or storm out— over topics such as tampons being taxed or the gender pay gap. Alicent would merely ignore you two, pouring over a book, headphones in.
The prick was a waste of good looks in your opinion. There had to be a chink in his proverbial armor. Perhaps something under the puffed chest and nice clothes. Social media didn’t turn up much besides his frat and different dates every day of the week. He had multiple retweets of meninism or whatever the fuck incels called it these days.
The only observation you could draw from his socials and continuous annoying existence was he couldn’t keep a girlfriend. You weren’t going to reach out to Rhaenyra either.
You’d have to test your theory next time he was over with Ali. That was nearly always if he wasn’t out being a “frat star” or had class. You heard his clipped tones and her replies as you lay in bed. You’d have to get up and say hello. There was an ongoing competition to who could give the least excited greeting after all.
“Oh, you again.”
“Yep,” he replied, popping the ‘p’. You narrowed your eyes and shouldered past his stupidly good-looking body. You could feel the heat of his gaze follow your frame to the refrigerator.
“Care for something Cole?”
“Sparkling water. Anyways have you heard about this new-“
You tuned Criston’s impressively sexist commentary out, handing the sparkling water to him and landing a smack to a pert ass. It was a heavy handed smack— like the prick was some poor girl at a party. Alicent already had her headphones in, typing away, pointedly ignoring you two. Criston spluttered and gaped, brows furrowing.
“What the fuck was that for?”
His brows were pulled tight and cheeks flushed. ‘Fuck yes!’ you thought, this might be ammo. Shrugging you stated, “I dunno, figured you talk so much about these horrid men you’d want to be treated like one of their ‘bitches’, yes?”
Criston hissed, “You’re so dramatic, don’t touch me.” You couldn’t help but smirk at his trembling hands on the countertop, drink left untouched. A certain stagnancy was in the air. Making a faux expression of concern you cooed at him.
“Oh, my bad, did alpha sigma male chad Criston get his pretty ass slapped?”
He gasped, actually gasped out loud.
You changed gears, “I mean, someone needs to fuck all those emotions outta’ you. Such a whiny thing. None of your frat bros take it out on that sweet ass? Back when you were a freshman? C’mon you were soooo twinky then.”
Criston’s bravado had shattered quite more than you anticipated. His stark white knuckles on the marble counter trembled, a red flush appearing down the tan neck. He ran an exasperated hand through his curls, voice weak, “I’ve done nothing ah-of the sort. What game are you playing here? I only fuck girls.”
“The hot gossip was that Rhaenyra had you on all fours, like a sweet pup.”
He chugged the sparkling water, sweat beading on his forehead. Placing it down with a shaking hand Cole warbled, crossing his arms defensively “Th-that’s lies, fuck off, really, you’re into that degeneracy?” You laughed and sauntered off with your own drink, pausing at your bedroom door.
“If you need a good fucking, my door is open, I’d give that mouth of yours something to suck on.”
Criston visibly shivered and swallowed, adjusting his pants. Narrowing his eyes, he snatched his laptop and walked away. You blew a kiss, closing your door. Either Criston would take the bait or continue on into misery. You had a feeling it would only be a matter of time.
Ali and Criston were trashed from her sorority’s formal and you said you’d be the designated driver. You had completely forgotten until Ali sent a text, “met a hot chick walking to her dorm, Cris still needs a ride. Pleaseeeee🥺🥺🥺🥺” For the sake of Alicent getting her pussy ate for once you told her you’d pick up bozo. Which he eagerly got into your car, still taking pulls from his bottle of dark liquor.
You stared in abject horror at his disheveled state, particularly the way his pinched look was absent. Criston Cole was shitfaced to say the least. His eyes were hazy and reddened, a loose way in which he held himself, none of that tightness. Criston sat forward, whining, “Change the music, something else, ugh!”
“We have a 30-minute drive so it better be good Cole.” He clumsily plugged his phone in…and out came the wailing tones of Morrissey. You did a double take— wondering if Criston Cole was truly a fan of the ultimate sad sack music? You loved the band too but this felt...strange. Criston laid back and sang along, stretching his legs, dark hair flowing in the wind.
“The Smiths huh?”
Dark eyes regarded you slowly. He mumbled, “The- the songs, they get me. It’s s’good. I’ve heard you listen to them.”
“Yeah they’re a favorite of mine actually,” you admitted. How come he couldn’t talk to you about that? You scoffed, he was such a fucking weirdo. Criston smiled goofily, looking over at you. He laughed, “You’re being nice to me!”
“You’re not being a raging dick head, of course, I’ll return the favor Criston.”
He grinned some more, eyes out the window, singing along to the lyrics. His smile faded but he continued to softly murmur along.
And I’m not happy and I’m not sad.
“You hanging in there okay? Not feeling sick?”
“Nah, m’fine, didn’t really hit it heavy until later. When we had to dance and shit.” You smirked, prodding a broad shoulder. Criston snorted, “I don’t like to dance unless I’m properly loaded, too awkward.”
You laughed, “I love to dance! It’s not all business.”
He took another swig and rasped, “Trust me, it’s quite awful, I can deal with that shitty frat grinding for a bit, no finesse in that. You won’t catch me fist pumping around.”
You decided drunk Criston was entertaining. Fishing through the car’s compartments you asked “Wanna smoke?” He groaned in delight, “Fuck yes, Ali hates it.” You lit up one and handed it to him, suppressing the shiver at the soft touch of his warm fingertips.
You smoked along with him, belting Handsome Devil.
I say, I say, I say, I crack the whip! And you skip but you deserve it— you deserve it deserve it deserve it.
He giggled a bit, pretty face exclaiming the innuendo filled lyrics. Cole unbuttoned his stiff blazer and threw the last dregs of his cigarette out. You softly glanced over, shaking your head at this strange version of the bane of your existence. He raised a thick brow and questioned “What? You’re looking through me again.”
“You’re a fun drunk,” you laughed with eyes on the road.
“I’ve been told that I don’t know- it’s weird,” he murmured.
“It’s not weird. You don’t need a drink to lighten yourself up,” you playfully rolled your eyes, “Or be a raging chauvinist.”
Criston narrowed his eyes, lightly shoving you by the shoulder. You giggled and yelped, “Hey- easy there- I’m driving!” Criston snorted, “Then drive and don’t insult me. Also, I’m taking Ali’s bed, better than that shit they give me at the frat house.”
Criston is alone in the apartment with you. That would be a first. You merely nodded with a weak, “Aye-aye captain.” He asked for another cigarette, singing and smoking. You would peer at his relaxed face and shoulders, smiling softly.
It would be back to normal come morning.
He was a bit drunker than you expected upon arrival. Criston stumbled a bit closing the car door, clumsy footsteps leading to the stairs. You followed along, getting out your key and snickering. Cole smelled good; a mix of cologne, cigarettes, and expensive bourbon. You ignored the way he was towering over you.
You unlocked the door and let him in, turning back to lock it again. As you twisted again, the brunette’s big hands and lips were on your face. His voice cracked as he moaned, “Want you so fucking bad, c’mon baby, c’mon.” You’d love to indulge him but the man was wasted.
Gently removing yourself from him you shook your head to state, “Criston. You’re drunk. Maybe sleep this off a little before making moves.” He frowned, puppy eyes shining pitifully. He huffed, running a hand through his wind-blown hair. “Right, right, m’sorry, I just.” He began to walk away.
“You just what?”
Criston shot you the most pitiful look. The type of look that made you want to baby him. Then make him cry. You leaned toward babying him right now. Criston untied his laces, voice sulky, “You intimidate me so I just act like a prick. I thought since the other day you might be interested.”
You sighed at the pouting man.
“Criston, darling, I really wish we didn’t have this moment when you’re fucked up. No funny business but you can cuddle with me tonight. Since you look like a sad puppy.”
He seemed to brighten a bit, apologizing, “I- I know! And don’t call me that.”
Rolling tired eyes, you moved into your bedroom while stripping. He stared at you merely clad in underwear and a thin tank. Maybe you could play around with him in the morning? Alicent will want to play sleepover at least two more nights before the inevitable breakdown.
Criston eventually shuffled in, wearing his briefs and dumb little argyle socks. He climbed clumsily onto the bed, you chiding, “Under here dummy, here!” He snickered, warm body sidling to your own. A tan arm wrapped its way around your waist, the man like a damn Koala the way he plastered himself to you.
He pressed a few little kisses before getting batted on the head. Criston groaned before snuffling, “You’re so strange, God, make me feel goddamn crazy.” His legs intertwined with your own, lips smirking against your nape.
“So does this mean you aren’t always…so sexist?” you asked.
He didn’t reply but you knew the answer. Sleep reached the pair of you easily, especially poor drunk Criston. He’d be alright after some breakfast. The man laced his fingers with yours, dreaming of happy things.
You awoke with a very hard dick slotted between your ass cheeks. Criston still had a death grip on you— inky curls tickling your face. Raising a brow you took inventory of the situation. The man was not awake. But he was groaning and rutting against your ass.
This should be good.
“Criston- uhhh- Criston!,” you yelped. Brown eyes opened wide, his cute face half red and curls adorably sleep-mussed. He retracted himself in a flail of limbs, apologizing profusely. He seemed to be getting more frantic until you put a hand on his surprisingly still-hard dick.
Criston’s wide eyes flicked down to your hand and back up to your dead serious face. He gulped, “I- uh- enjoyed last night. Sorry.” Holding back a laugh, your hand tightened a little on his girth, straining the dark fabric. The man was bigger than you thought, especially after all that horrid talk.
He whimpered a little, eyelids fluttering, dark lips falling open. You questioned the man “Well, Ali won’t be here for a bit. Maybe I can make good on my promise Hm?” Another whimper graced your ears. Criston whined softly, “Please, yes, please.”
You immediately straddled him, Criston groaning, remaining pliant. Caressing his cheek you asked “How’s the hangover? Maybe some breakfast and water first? I’ll be a good little housewife and make it for you.” He scoffed, lips turning up a hair, “I always thought you had it in you. Sure.”
You ignored his comments while making some French toast. Soon you’d have the man crying and shaking, Criston could cling to his manhood while he ate. Immediately after— you two had climbed back into bed, you atop his slim hips, the tank top was far gone.
His big hands greedily pawed at your tits, Criston lapping into your mouth. You had reached around to curl your fingers in slightly overlong hair, moaning into his mouth. You’d been lazily rutting your hips against his cock, enjoying the man trying to cut off his moans.
What was he going to do when you had two fingers in his ass playing with his prostate?
You smirked and pulled back, him chasing you forward, brows pinching. Sliding both of your palms down his chest you cooed, “Lay back, I got you, sweetheart.” Criston fell back like a chopped tree, dark eyes looking up. You inched down tan skin until you sat between his thighs, patting his hips so you could get his underwear off. His adorably soaked fucking briefs.
“You’re excited hm? All wet for me?”
Criston shivered, thighs twitching as he bit his bottom lip, swallowing audibly. You eased off his underwear, fighting back laughter as you threw them to the side. It was the reverse of what usually happened in bed for the man— you knew that. His cock was flushed and gorgeous as it slightly dribbled pre onto olive skin.
You hummed in excitement, laying on your belly as you took his length in hand. Criston’s stomach twitched as he breathed in sharply, face agonized. You immediately lowered your head to the slit and laved off the pre, eyes coming up to meet his.
“Oh fucking…fuck,” he muttered, hands fisting in the comforter. He was holding back— big time. You would get Criston to unwind soon. You felt the poor baby didn’t know what was hitting him. Swallowing down the head of his cock you rolled his balls with your other hand, making the man groan and twitch again.
You bobbed your head in a familiar rhythm, making sure to drool all over his cock, the wetter the better. Coming up to flick your tongue at the frenulum or his sensitive tip had more spit rolling down to his balls and Criston throwing his head back to moan.
You’d try a little stimulation first before shocking the man with the anal question. While still sucking, the hand holding his balls crept back to shove two fingers up into that sensitive thin skin. You felt him from the other side, that hard gland was a bit swollen. Good god, had the guy not cum in days?
Criston’s entire demeanor shifted as you stroked his taint. His legs subtly widened, stomach sucking in as he let out the tiniest little whine. You pulled off his cock immediately, still stroking as you needled, “Crisssston, you like me playing with your special spot? Spreading your legs for me like a slut.”
He whimpered and a hand came up to his head as if to hide his eyes. Cole managed to reply after heaving a couple of times. The man moaned, “You- you can’t! Ohmygod s’fucking good- no!”
Kissing his trembling hips you kept massaging and stroking, murmuring in a more gentle tone “It’s okay sweetheart, it’ll be our little secret, I think you’ll feel good if you let me play some more. Really milk you dry. You want that baby?”
He moaned long and loud, cock slightly spitting onto his messy stomach. You grinned, watching Criston unravel by the second. He was a goddamn princess, wanting to be babied and loved on. He babbled, “Please yes— don’t tell anyone please I want it so so so bad please!”
You smiled at him, pressing lips to his hipbone again, shushing his pleading. This was going to be a fun ride for your new toy. You eased your fingers back, instructing Cole to bend his legs, he huffed and immediately followed the order.
It took a lot of petting and hushing until you’d breached his tight rim. You had to get up and grab lube when Criston started to ramble and tighten in apprehension. He was looser around your fingers but still wound tighter than a bowstring.
Every breath was a soft little noise, his dark orbs nervously flicking down to watch. You slipped your middle finger along the pointer, sitting flush up against his thighs for comfort. Watching his face you fingered deeper, fingers awkwardly searching for his prostate. You knew you’d found it when he jolted and shouted abruptly, tensing up.
He mewled like a cute little slut when you dragged your fingers across the gland, legs tightening around your hips before he arched and spread wider for you. Cooing in surprise you remarked, “Good boy, yesss, spreading your legs for me like a sweet baby.”
Criston seemed to lose more control at your words, crying wordlessly and writhing as he was worked over. His hands grasped and held at your waist, nails digging in just so. You grinned and put more pressure on him. He responded easily, shuddering and whining as his cock leaked more and more.
“Please, oh my god, please more, more, touch me!”
You leaned over his trembling body, lips ghosting over his drooling ones, practically fucking him with your fingers. Criston was sloppy as he pressed swollen lips against yours, tongue desperately lapping inside, moaning all the while. Snickering at him only had him whine and try harder, brain slowly oozing out of his ears with every rough jab of your digits.
You breathed when he did, softly demanding, “You’re so damn needy Criston, come for me and loosen up pretty baby.” Swiping a lazy hand across the mess of his sensitive stomach had Cole gasping and falling apart whimpering. His trembling hands slapped to the bed as you felt his ass tighten around your fingers, cock flexing as he spilled all over his stomach.
Criston dissolved into tears, blabbering, “I-I’m still cumming, ah, mmm, I’m s-still cumming!” You smirked as you dragged across his sweet spot again, forcing another whiny sob and gush of essence out. He was writhing again, back arching to figure out whether to escape or fuck back onto your digits.
“Goodness. You’ve made a mess of yourself. Attention whore, you just needed to be coddled and loved on. Stupid little pet,” you drawled.
“Mhm, mhm, yes!,” Criston groaned, “A fucking whore.”
“You want something bigger in your ass honey? Since you’re my whore?”
His eyes rolled a little, you having to hold his cheek to get the man’s full attention. Criston stared at you with wide eyes, mouth fumbling around a response. You slid your fingers out of him gingerly, relocating to a nearby shirt, wiping your hand off.
Criston breathed, “God oh- uh- God, yes, yes I want it.”
He blinked in shock when you were back between his thighs, looming over his already used body. The polka-dotted harness and strap-on cock were secured. Criston had been quiet and pliant while you got ready, hand rubbing his achy cock, squirming and softly sighing in need. You tittered at him in sympathy, poor baby's dick had not wilted since the beginning of this excursion.
You fisted the strap with a lubed hand, smiling at Criston's little noises and trembling. Off a look alone, one would think he was either a virgin or a nympho. Sliding your non-lubed palm up his inner thigh had Criston whine deep in his chest, dark lashes fluttering across reddened cheeks. He slurred softly "M'ready, unnh, be gentle?"
Rubbing soothing circles into his lean thigh you hummed, honey dripping from your words, "Don't have to worry about a thing sweetie, I've got you. You're gonna love it I promise." Criston nodded, puppy eyes trained on you, his hands slithering to your hips to grip the flesh.
You rubbed the tip of the blunt strap against his loosened ass, inching in enough to pop the tip. Criston’s breath drew tight, eyes wide, fear flitting across his features. You shoved both of your thighs up under his, stroking tan flanks while murmuring, “Relax, s’okay baby, jus’ us Criston, relax.”
He nodded with a strangled noise, the silicon cock sliding in halfway, you laying down atop Criston. You traced a hand across his stubbled cheek to dark hair, kissing eager lips. Cole opened for you with a hopeless moan, then a cry as you jerked your hips— the fake dick all the way inside now. You whispered between kisses, “Mm- there we go- good boy- takin’ me all the way like that.”
“Uh-huh,” he garbled out, pretty eyes rolling.
His bigger arms had wrapped around your back, leaving your lower half to fuck him in a shallow rhythm, grazing his sensitive sweet spot. You had one arm up and in Criston’s hair, the other holding his hip as you fucked him. Moans fell out of his swollen mouth on every thrust, his legs flopping between tightening and falling loose.
“Aw, baby, you feel good? You being my good whore Criston?”
Criston sobbed, rutting back onto your dick and wrapping long legs around your waist. He slurred some nonsense as you fucked into him harder, angling downward to hit his prostate. Soon you struck it again, the sweet baby between your legs crying and wailing, kissing and holding you all the while.
You idly wondered if the neighbors could hear Criston being thoroughly used and broken down into mush.
He panted, “Oh, god god god, oh baby, m’gonna cum again!”
“Yeah priss? Gonna cum from having a dick in your slutty pussy?”
Criston trembled and made the most pitiful noise, blabbering and kissing frantically as his arms tightened, “Fuck! Yes!” You grinned and returned the needy little pecks, clapping your hips against his ass, watching his cock leak and swell once again. He’d probably have the orgasm of his life soon. Striking Cole deep began the fire, and then your words set him aflame, burning up as he came with another wail.
He impossibly tightened around you, cum flooding your stomachs as he whimpered, cried, and carried on like the needy little thing he was. Criston sobbed, “Pl-pl-ease don’t ever stop-p! S’go-od! Ohmygod m’all yours, only yours, forever!” You grinned and eased out of him, unclipping the strap-on so you could coddle your whiny toy.
“Such a cute baby, did so well, hmm, you needed to cum huh priss?”
Criston nodded into your neck, not wanting to let go. He asked in a tiny voice “Lemme be yours?” Stroking his slightly sweaty hair you replied, “Sure babes, just remember who blew your mind right here. You’re mine now.” He let out a soft noise, nodding pliantly, nosing and kissing your smooth skin. If you could picture it, hearts were just appearing over the man.
You’d have to talk to him again when he wasn’t a submissive mess— but Criston seemed quite eager to be petted and called pretty. Fucking Princess. You held back your laughter as the thought bubbled up. He was so damn clingy right now you could pull out a purse and he’d crawl into it, or if you had a leash? Criston Cole would definitely be excited.
He just needed to be trained up a little, s’all.
Alicent was tired. She had met a nice girl for once, but she couldn't go shack up for a week as much as she wanted to. Criston and her 'froomie' had been radio silent. The redhead feared they may have killed each other. She gently keyed into the tiny apartment and slunk in, eyes darting around.
"That's good, ah, good boy!" came the cry of Alicent's roommate. She clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes widening in horror. Alicent wanted to melt into the floor. Dear bestie had one of her 'toys' over. Alicent could maybe duck and scramble her way into her room-- from the noises, it sounded like she was receiving some oral attention.
Ali dropped to her knees and ignored the moaning and slick noises. A deeper voice moaned something, Alicent's roommate responding, "Oh shush prissy, there's no one here. You're just being paranoid." The Hightower girl paused again, crawling behind the loveseat. The noises of very...excited cunnilingus ramped back up. She made the horrid choice to peak out before making the final cross.
Criston 'I don't eat pussy' Cole was on his knees. Eating the pussy of his mortal enemy, Alicent's roommate. Quite enjoyed it from the way he had a hand shoved down his sweats. How long had they been at it? It hit Alicent that the whole apartment reeked of marathon fucking. She could not believe this. Sure they had lowkey sexual tension but this?
Alicent scrambled across to her room, eyes forward and praying no one would notice.
"OH MY GOD- NOnONO! Christ!"
"Oh shit sorry Alicat! I didn't hear you come in! He's trained now!"
Alicent stood behind her closed door, hand over her helplessly smiling mouth. Oh my god, she couldn't be serious right now. Criston Cole broke in as the roomie's toy while she was gone. Hell must have frozen over. She laughed, Criston's miserable voice echoing from the living room. Alicent had to get away from the door so he would not hear her losing her mind. Good for them, good for them!
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Episode 2-Play by Play Reactions (Spoilers)
Ooooooh mysterious...
Oh so this variant can (at least briefly) cont people with a simple touch? No need for a scepter?
I NEED A HEROOO!
Oh this variant is taking that lady away? I wonder why
Miss Minutes is gonna move me to violence
Loki is me studying
Hahahahaha get her Loki!
Loki, leave Mobius’ magazines alone
Wow he got into the work force rather fast huh? Bit of a whiplash type scenario considering the end of episode one
No, YOU’RE a cosmic mistake! 😤 my boy looks hot regardless
Sooooo Loki is the most common variant? Why does this not surprise me?
Is... is he a football cup champion??? Omg 😂
Smart boy. Illusion projecting is different than duplication casting. Neato. LISTEN TO MY SMART BOY. RESPECT HIM.
Dude loves wheeling
Yea Loki. Work on getting to the time keepers. Overthrow the government.
Dude is smart with these questions.
Propaganda is INDEED exhausting so that’s fair
Fist hostage... maybe he’s (or she?) gonna use her as a body transfer like Loki in the comics with Sif?
Oh please let this be a genuine smart Loki moment and not just setting him up as a joke and embarrassment...
“Where there are wolf’s ears, wolf’s teeth are near.” Good to know basic mammalian anatomy is still applicable to Asgardian wolves...
Cmon Loki do something cool. Please. Please Loki. Please.
Preach my man, but please, do something cool. My anxiety that you’ll be turned into a joke is spiking.
Is he actually waiting outside or is Loki really just trying to mess with them and throw them off? Or is he just being too cocky for his own good and it’s gonna mess him up? Please please please don’t disappoint me. I have merch for this show already that I can’t return
Bargain baby, bar again. Do it.
Is he actually concerned for the time keepers orrrrrr
Dangit Mobius
Does... being reset... hurt?
Bye C-20 I guess... for now? We’ll see
Of course it’s a friggin theremin that’s playing
Mobius x Judge Renslayer? Oooooooh. Tsundere Renslayer.
Use a coaster my man
Oh her first name is Ravonna
Controversy is the best thing though
You can never understand this Loki. As soon as you begin to understand, he changes. He’s unpredictable.
“I know you have a soft spot for broken things.” Ah, so this entire fandom then?
“But Loki is an evil, lying scourge.” YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU WENCH!
“That is the part he plays in the sacred timeline.” Well you clearly haven’t been paying enough attention to the files then, hm? Here, let me redirect you to one of the many character analyses I’ve written. Now if you read here........
He doesn’t need to change. He’s already not evil
I don’t trust Renslayer or the time keepers... or Renslayer WITH the time keepers... I think she plays a bigger, antagonistic role than I thought.
You just TRY and delete him Mobius... just... TRY... I will find a way to break the fourth wall and no time keepers can keep you safe from the rage of a million fan girls. Nothing... we don’t need magic...
Omg Loki just sitting there in a chair outside the office like a kid while their parent is talking with the teacher about their “recent behavior”.
Cmon Loki, you don’t need to make excuses or impress him.
My poor boy is SOOO out of his zone.
Tbf mobius, you ASKED. You asked what makes him tick.
Hey hey hey, let’s not gaslight my boy...
The Loki is... uhhh something... gotta keep my hopes up. Trust in Tom Hiddleston...
Mobius showing his true colors...
Please Loki... be badass... not just a joke... please please please... PLEASE!
Mobius, play nice.
I hope this “superior” Loki thing, if it is a female, isn’t a desperate attempt at feminism pandering, chocking up her “superiority” to being female. Please give the characters real stories. Flesh them out.
Juice box time?
No?
More homework?
Bugger...
The sass is off the charts
Librarian lady gonna get killed
Oh boy
Pffffft—
I miss Casey.
Hey don’t ignore Loki. That’s rude.
Bell is the answer?
Poor Loki. Stop trying to fit in. You are best when you are genuinely yourself.
What’s to stop Loki from grabbing the other files?
Homework... I thought I escaped this when I graduated...
Whatcha seeing there?
Oh...
Bye bye Asgard...
Cmon... not more feels.
AGGHHHHHHHH
Please allow him confirmation of Thor’s survival and beating of Thanos!!! He needs that confirmation! He needs that reassurance.
Hear him out Mobius.
“He’s hiding in apocalypses.” Sooooo is that why they go to presumably Mount Vesuvius? I assume?
Mobius, let Loki have your salad.
Rip salad
CASEY
Casey’s juice box
Poor Casey and mobius salad...
Loki, your logic astounds me.
Well, pushing Hulk off of the bridge WOULD have an effect...
VESUVIUS HERE WE COME
He hasn’t really stabbed anyone in the back... except Thor... but not 50 times
Pompeii, here we come!
Ooooooh we gonna see Loki dance with a lady? 😏 get ittttt
Well, if you do cause a branch, can’t you just reset the timeline?
CAUSE SOME CHAOS MY LOVELY MAN
OMG IM HEARING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE SPEAK ITALIAN
I can die happy now
Loki... you look insane.
Uhhh run
Okay you’re good
Sleepy Loki
Let him sleep!
Soooo, I mean, technically, Loki’s actions would still cause the timeline to change, but said change wouldn’t have an impact on the future, just the current moment... so shouldn’t it still be detected by the TVA? At least as a little fleck?
Jet skis?
Omg I just snorted at Loki begrudgingly agreeing with Mobius that jet skis are awesome
Mobius offending my History Teachers for 50 minutes straight... that’s it. That’s the episode.
Mobius really in love with jet skis for some reason
We better get to see Mobius on a jet ski
Fighting for jet skis?
Lol mobius has a point about the magical Asgardians and Jötunns
Glorious purpose
Cmon Loki, destroy this man’s beliefs.
OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT
DO IT
TEAM UP AND THROW THE TIMELINE INTO CHAOS
How would you know what the time keepers are doing when you’ve never met them?
How can you meet in peace at the end of time with no chaos?
“You see, I know something children don’t. That no one bad is ever truly bad. And no one good is ever truly good.”
Mobius, don’t patronize my boy. Go jet skiing.
“I know.” Oh good, that point in the trailer was edited.
No candy on Asgard? Poor Loki.
May the best man win? Well that automatically means Loki.
Getting National Treasure vibes
Love you
Alabama will still exist in 2050? That’s disappointing.
Roxxcart.
Loki is very smart. Thank you show.
Renslayer, if you claim Mobius is your friend, trust him.
Kachow!
“For all time.” “Always.” TVA is definitely a cult.
Weapon?
WEAPON!
...weapon???
no weapon...
Meanie...
Are we gonna see what this Loki variant looks like?
I have a feeling this variant is gonna be the female, blonde (I’m so sorry, at the moment I forget her name) in those pictures we saw. Guessing because 1) she was wearing a Loki outfit. 2) her and tom Hiddleston were wet in that picture as if rained on 3) the scene when they enter Roxxcart occurs when it starts to rain due to the upcoming massive storm. So I’m placing all of my money on the table the Loki variant is Lady Loki. Blonde, for some reason. (Or maybe she just didn’t have a wig on in the picture of her we saw?)
Yea please don’t prune this Loki.
Storms a brewing
Good to know Alabama, at some point, does get destroyed. That’s comforting. (Btw this is a joke. I have nothing against Alabama lol. Idk why my brain thought this was funny lol.)
All wet and rainy.
HAHAHAHA USE THAT MAGIC BABY
LET MOBIUS STICK WITH LOKI
Ooh ooh! Is Loki gonna use powers to yoink the roomba here?
Uh oh. Forgot to take into consideration that most big businesses, especially stores, have security cameras, huh?
Times ticking...
Wait was that a reset charge?
Awkward silence
Spookyyyy
Poor dude lol
Or not
Hmmm
Oh???
I RECOGNIZE THAT MAGIC!!! ITS HER!!!
HUNTER (forget her number) IS THE LOKI VARIANT!!! When was she replaced? Or was she always the variant?
That or the other Loki is projecting herself into the hunter? Maybe used the shopping dude as a conduit?
Moment of realization
Smiling contest
No no, Tom Hiddleston’s Loki is superior. I don’t care who else tries to play Loki, Tom IS Loki.
Oh no
Baby crying?
These poor people...
No need to be rough
Is Mobius genuinely caring
Oh... poor C-20
Team up please? Please?
Ah so they really can just send themself into any body they wish, huh? Just by touch?
Loki, learn that trick please.
Sooo, is the other variant Loki’s body tangible? Do they project their conscience into other bodies via touch, or do they not have a corporeal body and rely on others to exist?
Doctor Who vibes
TEAM UP PLEASE
YES
Please
Please?
Offended by Loki name?
Haha sympathy for Thor
Go randy.
Soooo what are you interested in if not ruling the TVA?
Who’s that planting charges? The real body of the other variant Loki?
You okay C-20? (Off topic her actress reminds me of the actress who played Ava Star aka Ghost in Ant-Man and the Wasp) what is real and what about it is so mind capturing for you?
Oh no
Poor girl
Cmon B-15
Hello?
Reset charge
Oh? Bye bye?
HEY!
That’s rude
I miss Randy too
Cmon Loki fight like the badass I know you are
Please
HAHA! TELEKINESIS
Cartwheel WEEEEE
Oooh he swore
Lokis have a pattern of swearing only while taking other peoples forms
Cmon Loki. Go back to mobius. Help them. Prove your goodness. Please.
Poor trucker man
Hello?
Hello!
Fave reveal?
I KNEW IT
Oh????
Flashlights?
RUN!
Is this actually a Loki variant or just sylvie? Or Amora?
Uh oh...
What’s happening
Is she absolutely destroying the timeline?
Poor Doctor Strange. I wonder if he knows about the TVA?
Loki is all alone? Why is he standing still?
Where is she going?
Cmon Loki... help them please...
Loki...
CLIFF HANGER
NOOOOO I CANT WAIT ANOTHER WEEK AGHHHHHHHH
Are they gonna be okay?
How is the variant traveling?
What is her goal?
Why is Loki going after her?
Why is Loki leaning towards the apparent evil side?
Is this actually lady Loki or sylvie or amora since her hair is blonde?
WHAT IS HAPPENING???
So much just happened in so little time. It’s like Marvel wants to slowly spoon feed us with the first 3/4 of the episode and then in the last 1/4, they waterboard us.
Why is this female Loki variant so much more powerful?
So Loki DID know what was going on at the Renaissance fair and was intentionally stalling for her... why?
Her horned helmet is similar to the one kid(?) Loki wears in the comics. One horn broken. How did that happen? Why does she still wear it, especially if she doesn’t want to be called Loki?
No end credit scene yet.
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