#I need to get back on the horse-- | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

monstress · 1 year

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hii. if u dont mind, could u please share that "change of attitude" towards journaling? i feel like i really need that.. since i myself changed my attitude towards drawing and have been much more productive and happy doing it this last year. however Writing About Myself its another beast completely.. hope u r having a nice day! 🍃

hope you're having a lovely day as well! anyways as i was typing this up, what starts as a small tidbit has gone off the rails so i suppose this is my blanket advice as a newbie in journaling:

the materials!

choosing the titular journal aka notebook:

soft vs hard cover - i didn't realize this is SUCH a deciding factor until much later. most people prefer soft covers since journals can get massive with use but it's very subjective. be tactile - if it just don't feel right in ur hands, it's not gonna be something u reach out for when u have free time.

size - the most common sizes are A5, A6 or regular aka travelers notebook. you have to think abt who you are as a writer. do u have a large handwriting that takes up pages and pages? do you like space or are you overwhelmed by a blank page? do you travel a lot and do u want something unobtrusive in your bag? choose something that will reasonable work as a part of your daily life.

paper texture - paper that is smooth to write in are a great source of pleasure. notebooks with 100gsm paper is a good benchmark.

price - pleaseeee do not break the bank to purchase a fancy notebook. an expensive notebook can become an unloved one. you'd be too stressed to ensure every entry is perfect and pretty enough and the notebook eventually becomes too intimidating for you to fill in. check out your local hypermarket or online stores for quality notebooks. moleskins are overrated--in my country, they are v v expensive so don't feel pressure to buy a certain stationary just bc you see them often on ig/tiktok like my journal cost me approximately RM10 (USD2.34) and my new one w 100gsm paper cost me RM17 (USD4) like affordable options are out there!

build a connection with your notebook - listen...this sounds strange but having an attachment with your journal and making it inviting as possible is a great source of motivation. personalize it: add stickers, doodle or paint the cover. get a fabric/pvc cover to keep it clean if you'd like (you can add lil papers/stickers on ur actual notebook cover before putting on the pvc cover! very cute and easy)

and your pens:

again: less is more! use any relatively cheap pens you like - be it for the ink or smoothness. if you want to journal a lot, expect to lose a few pens during traveling or just around the house lmao

for fans of darker inks like me, i use Uni-ball Signo Broad, M&G R3 retractable gel pen and my favorite: Faber Castell RX Gel Pen 0.38mm - which cost like RM1.49 (i dont wanna convert - it's change money in america)

final note: i don't use fountain pens so i'm afraid i'm not well-versed enough to advise in that department but i deeply respect (and a little in awe) of journallers who use them 🫡

the tenet!

purpose: what do u plan to use the notebook for? daily journal? art journal? planner? all three? it's your life! live deliciously! since i have a 9-5 job, i know i can't keep up with more than one journal so i've been using mines as a diary and i dump my daily activities/thoughts/reviews of all kinds of media i'm currently obsessed with and it fills up quick!

don't be too hard on yourself: if you missed a day or two of journalling, it's fine - take it back up. write down anything memorable you'd like in the past few days. if you come across a certain blank page your brain is blanking to fill, perhaps after a previous dark entry, skip the page. skip two pages if needed. don't be scared of blank pages. if it needs to be blank, let it be.

it doesn't have to only be words! add stickers, dried flowers, receipts, ticket stubs, other ephemera you collected in the day. be artful! go crazy on page decoration!!

if there's anything you take away from this post, it's this: if you truly want a journal that is used up quickly, do not have plans to share it on social media. personally, i find once you are in the mindset of sharing your journal for an audience's consumption, you get worried whether it's "aesthetic" enough or is it too boring or too ugly or too dark or that you don't upload regularly enough. social media can be inhibiting your creativity or motivation to journal like let your animal brain ruminate in private! stay free from the shackles of responsibility!

#answered #poseida #journals #journaling tips #also in return i need to know what u did to change your attitude with drawing! i need to get back on that horse!

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drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 11 months

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Breaking down the Comics: Elias Spector's Death

Okay. Okay. I'm going to try to be....a little comprehensible.... I'm going to fail. Just a warning.

I want to talk about the first run of Moon Knight. Specifically the last issues of the first run. There were 38 issues in the very first run of their own comic. After that, they reached out to a larger audience and started to print differently and started over with #1 because comics suck at a comprehensible numbering system.

In the start, we meet Marc Spector, see him have a conflict of heart, die, come back, and become Moon Knight. He starts to add in identities of Jake and Steven as a way to be anyone else but Marc Spector and claims they are just him starting over and trying to use their lives as a way to do things better. (a system that has not yet realized that it is a system. Denial is not just a river).

We see him fight some of his villains that start to play bigger parts later in the series. We see him make friends as Jake and money and love as Steven. We see bits of his past and some stories of Marc Spector’s adventures. We meet Randall and even get to see Marc fail to save people (Crowly’s son, Randall, Gena’s friend). We see him struggle with Khonshu and his identity a bit. We even see him break down a couple times.

But the way that fist run ends is to me the real defining moment for Moon Knight. Let’s take you to:

Issue #37, The Ghost.

It opens with Elias dying of cancer in a hospital in Chicago. On his deathbed, he calls for Marc.

The comic notes that they have been estranged for 18 years.

In this comic, Steven has finished organizing the files on Marc and is still grappling with the fact that he and Marc are in fact two different people. He thinks once he has organized Marc’s life, he can lock it up and they can become Steven Grant forever and never have to deal with that unpleasantness again.

Up to this point, we have been seeing them struggle with their identities. Still under the illusion that they are one man putting on different identities who can't decide what life to live.

Understandable, considering that Marc does not want to be Marc anymore. Steven detests the life that was lived as Marc and Jake pushes back on both lives, wanting to be with friends and a simple man of the people.

In many ways, Marc only surfaces when things of the past come up. He refuses to acknowledge that he's still around and when he is faced with that fact, he is stressed and full of rage.

We've seen clips of Marc's past. We see him working as a guide for not always good people through tough parts of the world. We see him working for hire with the Feds in capturing a runner. We see the CIA and world organizations hiring him. Is it any wonder that he's so skilled? That his past is often overlooked when it comes to SHIELD and other entities, because he probably not only worked for them, but probably also carried out shady business for them. But that's a different story.

In this issue, we see Steven watching a recording of one of the missions Marc was on. "Spector led a scout team. We took a terrorist camp in a cross border operation. The only problem was that our .50 caliber gunners couldn't be bothered with fine distinctions between terrorists, women, and children."

As much as we'd like to see Marc as a man of misfortune and circumstance, he wasn't always a good guy. He often tried his best to be good in his missions, often feeling conflicted and trying to save people or turning on those that he found to be of bad character, but sometimes he was a bad guy.

It's important to see these bits so we can better understand Marc and his intense trauma, his guilt, and his self hatred.

This issue uses this to show how far away from his father's teachings Marc fell. How he pushed so hard against his father that he ended up on the other side.

In my books, this is the most important Moon Knight story. The story of where he came from. Of his father and his faith.

His parents fled to America when Germany took over Czechoslovakia. In Europe, his father had been a great man that was "ordained a Rabbi at eighteen, and went on to become a brilliant scholar in the Kabbalah, Jewish Mysticism."

They moved to the poor side of Chicago where his father tried to teach him that "God loves a poor man. [...] Poor in goods, rich in spirit." (Something Jake Lockley adheres to).

Here, they suffered antisemitism. They were beaten and used as scapegoats for everything wrong.

Interestingly enough, he sites that his mother died when he was just a child. with the frequent beatings, fear, and death of his mother, it's any wonder Marc suffered some trauma?He became angry at his father for not standing up for himself or them.

His father wanted him to study to become a Rabbi and Marc turned to boxing and self defense.

When his father tries to stop him during a fight, he punches him. His father disowns him and kicks him out.

The next day Marc joined the Marines. He focused "for eight years" to become the best. When he was the best, he became a mercenary.

If you jump forward several writers, you find out that he was dishonorably discharged from the Marines for bouts of dissociation and mental health. But let's stay focused on the original story.

Steven has found out that their father is dying and he is refusing to go back. "He said he never wanted to see me again, he meant it. I won't go back."

An important aspect of this comic is that Marlene notes herself to be Steven's lover, confidant, and guru.

She acts as their guide in matters of the mind and heart. She's always the one that calms them and helps them to reconcile when the three of them start to fight one another and don't know who they are.

Despite her not understanding his DID, and they themselves not understanding it, she is a huge help for them.

I have a lot of conflicting thoughts and opinions on Marlene, but it's good to note that she was originally written as a very important part of his story.

"Marc Spector was always an escapist. When your relationship with your brother Randall soured you just forgot him for ten long years until it was too late and he died hating you. I can feel what kind of spin you're in, Steven, but you have to accept the responsibility, make amends now. Steven Grant and Moon Knight have no fathers. Only Marc Spector does."

That's a very interesting view into all their relationships and how they keep one another at arms length. Jake, Steven, and Marc refuse to believe they have the same past, responsibilities, or life.

Yet, when Marc is struggling with dealing with the approaching death of his father, and facing him, Steven takes the floor and tries to help Marc get out of it. (Just like Jake jumping out the window later in Lemier's version of the story. Always running...Maybe I'll do something on that later...)

While out being Moon Knight, he comes across a Synagogue on fire. He sees a man run into the burning building and finds a Rabbi struggling to save the Torah from the fire.

"The five books of Moses. He put his life on the line for this. My father would have done the same, I'll bet. Though he wouldn't lift a finger against the thugs who bullied him. I guess every man's got his own reason for being a hero."

He finds out that the fire was set on purpose by NeoNazis. It reminds him of when he was a child and he flies into a rage.

"I'm not about to let these Nazi goons get off with 'Malicious mischief' and a slap on the wrists."

He's been through this before. There is weight to the thought that a lot of Marc's childhood trauma stems from dealing with religious trauma and antisemitism.

I think as time moves on, we forget the time period that Moon Knight is set in. He isn't just a child of a jewish immigrant.

His father fled the Holocaust. There is a high likelihood that friends and family did not make it out. Marc grew up hearing about relatives he lost. Knowing that his blood line probably didn't make it out of Europe. That there are no pictures of his ancestors. That he can't go back and see the old houses and towns.

His father was a Rabbi, which means he was in a big part of a Jewish community that also probably fled or flat out came from the camps. He grew up seeing the tattoos, the poor health, the people with PTSD, and hearing the stories.

We're talking severe Generational Trauma.

When Marc finds the Nazi scum that burned the synagogue he has some of my favorite lines that define him:

"You know where I belong, punk? I belong with the decent and innocent folk who can't find a moment's peace. Not in the streets, not in their own homes, so long as punks like you terrorize them. I belong with the persecuted."

Detective Flint shows up and stops him before he kills them. (I honestly forgot Flint went back to the beginning. That poor man has dealt with so much Moon shit.)

Marc realizes he needs to face things and heads to Chicago.

But he is too late. He arrives in time for the funeral. He's handed a kippah and he puts it on for the first time in years.

Now, we get to learn a bit about Elias.

We come to find him as a man in desperate search of Self and Spirit. A man who was so stern and severe but also a man that sought truth and a just way to live.

His line of research focused on the "knowledge to see beyond the physical. To know the universe as a reflection of the divine image and to see mankind redeemed..."

It discusses how the body cannot meet G-d, but only the spirit and only in death can the spirit travel.

We find out later that he was seeking a way to bring back the departed who have met with G-D and the other side.

A man that refused to fight back against those that had done him wrong, who believed that given enough time that G-D would punish those that had brought them harm.

A man that sought for a way to face G-D after watching a world try to wipe his people off the very earth. An interesting thought.

During the eulogy, Marlene reflects that "It's almost as though he were speaking of you as Steven Grant. A man in search of self and spirit who rejected Marc Spector's materialism to become Moon Knight - A social conscience and moral force, just, severe, unknowable."

Steven later goes to visit their father's grave at night and comes across some thugs spray painting a swastika on some of the grave stones and vandalizing them. He’s emotional and outraged that even here there is no peace to be found. It turns out this was all a distraction as someone has stolen his father's corpse!

Issue #38, And the dead shall rise: (I love that cover).

We see Moon Knight struggling with his identity. Elias was not a father to them all. Marc is emotional and pissed, but still refusing to take responsibility for his part in all this.

"Moon Knight will find his...Marc Spector's father and return him to the dignity of a final resting place..." Steven refuses to say ‘my father’. Any mention of Elias is always in relation to Marc and even Marc can’t make himself be present when talking about his father.

Marlene is tasked with helping to clear out Elias' study and donate his papers and books to the university when she's attacked by someone who runs off with some of the papers.

Steven returns and has a small break down. "I'll find him, Marlene, and I'll kill him for desecrating my father's grave and memory!" "That's Marc Spector the cold - hearted mercenary talking, not you stev--" "How long can I deny it, Marlene. I AM Marc Spector!"

And Marc is finally taking charge. The first time he has taken ownership of his father and how he feels.

He sees his father in a new light.

"I may have misjudged my father's saintliness for cowardice and his genius and moral zeal for fanaticism. [...] And isn't moon knight in his own way a moral zealot fighting perhaps for the very same values Marc Spector once rejected?"

Now that is an interesting way to look at it. Moon Knight is about doing the right thing. About protecting those that need it. About believing in something unkillable and powerful. Moon Knight is about an idea of man being more than he is. Is this not what his father believed in?

We learn that Elias had uncovered a way to bring a soul back to the dead body with necromancy where it could then "utter its knowledge of God to a living Kabbalist."

Turns out one of Elias' students decided to test this out on Elias' freshly dead body.

He does manage to resurrect the dead body of Elias, who zombie walks towards Moon Knight.

Marc immediately starts having flashbacks and intense guilt. Even with his dead father trying to strangle him, he refuses to fight back: "No! I'll die before I ever lay my hands on him again, I swear it! Father, forgive me-"

Marlene shows up and manages to break the spell, sending Elias back to death.

Marlene tends to save him a lot in the earlier runs. Just something to note.

Marc once more is not present. Curled up on the floor after melting down, he is beyond emotional and most likely dissociating out the wazoo. "I found him, Marlene... I found...Spector's father."

Once more, Marc is being protected. Marc, who hated how his father sheltered him and wanted to feel the real world in violence and brutality is often in need of being sheltered. Steven, who wants to rid himself of Marc and the past is often doing the sheltering.

When it comes to emotions, Marc is often the one being overcome. Either in fits of anger and rage, guilt and regret, or just overwhelmed in sadness or traumatic responses. Steven Grant is usually the one that is shown to be calm and collected.

In fact, at the start of the issues, when Steven is watching Marc’s tapes and going through his things, he’s detached and unemotional. Steven has the ability to see things from a different perspective of ‘useful’ and ‘Not useful’. It’s rare that Steven responds to things with emotion unless Marc is involved and they are arguing or Marc has put them or someone he cares about in danger.

Frankly, it’s possible that Steven is the caretaker in the early comics. Mackay has shown that Steven not only manages their finances, but their hygiene and body care. He’s the rational and logical one. The one that can face down a villain without reacting. He’s also the one that does all the exercises and rehab when Marc puts them in a wheelchair.

The story ends with them returning home to New York. Steven notes that they almost died because of Marc's emotions. He also notes that Marc seems to have resolved some of the bitterness that was held with his father's memory. He comments that he feels a peace of mind and like a whole new person.

Steven and Marc featured heavily in this with Steven shielding Marc without even realizing he was doing it. And as a system that has not come to full realization yet, it is possible that Steven is starting to understand here, which is why he feels like a whole new person at peace with himself.

This is also how the first run of Moon Knight as a stand alone comic ended. 1980-1984.

Before this issue, Jake was featured heavily. Steven was the mansion party pretty boy that lounged around with Marlene. Jake was the one out doing his reconnaissance and hanging with Gena and Crowley.

It was a good connection to link Steven and Marc’s past with the father and Jewish faith. Jake would have been easier to connect. Jake is the son that Marc wishes he had been.

But Jake is emotional. Jake wants nothing to do with Marc’s bloody past. Calls him a killer and would be happy to spend all day in his cab. If anything, when Steven and Marc talk about Jake, it often feels like two older brothers talking about a goofy but kind younger brother.

A few issues earlier, when they ended up in a wheelchair for a time, Steven lamented that he didn’t think he could give up driving Jake’s cab, as it brought him too much joy.

So I can see why this issue needed Steven to be involved. Steven doesn’t know who he is at this point. He hasn’t been defined and given the chance to figure out what makes him happy and tick. Jake has already broken off and figured out who he is. He knows he’s Jake Lockley. But who is Steven Grant aside from Marlene’s eye candy and the rich boy?

Settling Marc’s past, seeing who he was and where he was coming from, protecting him, and facing down the Nazi threat was eye opening for him. Much like in the show, Steven needed to see where they came from to see where he belonged.

Does it get easier for Steven and Marc to interact after this? Not really. Marc is still self destructive and a danger to them. But I think when Marc falls down that path, it’s easier for Steven to know where Marc is coming from. To help him get out of the spiral and let them function.

An interesting aspect is how much Marc’s past has been re-written over and over again by different writers. His mother’s role, his relationship with his brother, his religious handlings, his trauma, and his violent past are redesigned each time a new writer gets their hands on him.

No one really knows how to handle Marc’s relationship with G-D or his specific type of trauma. Marc’s guilt is’t because he betrayed his culture or religion. He didn’t turn his back on that. His fate with heaven and hell are constructed by Christian writers that don’t understand or research things well enough.

Marc’s pain is that he can’t let go of the choices he made. The regrets of relationships that he turned his back on weigh heavily on him. His inability to save people and the times he didn’t try when he should have are agony to him.

“You can’t save everyone, but you have to try.” Marc’s problem is that he will break himself trying. He can’t handle the thought that he can’t save everyone. Each one he loses is a scar on him that eats away at him as another example of him destroying everything good in his life.

Marc has gotten to the point where a flower would wilt and he’d take it as a personal hit that he didn’t try hard enough.

He lost his brother. He was too late for his father. He couldn’t help Marlen’s father. Marc needs the reminders that sometimes he has to lay down and rest. Steven tends to be that reminder.

When Marc forgets that he’s more than just a killer, Steven steps in and tells Marc to sit down and shut up. He is balance and control that both Marc and Jake lack and I really wish we got to see more of this, especially in current writings.

I want to see that Marc is the emotional hot head. That Jake is the heart and soul. That Steven is the cool and collected protector. I want to see them wrestle with G-D in a way that makes sense to them. I want to see how Marc has healed and how they are processing their trauma. I want them to show that they can work together and know what one another needs. I want them to show that healing is possible without losing any part of themselves.

Sometimes healing looks like three guys sharing time and doing their own thing. Not one guy being in control of the body full time. Sometimes healing is one guy celebrating Purim while the other two take a back seat because it isn’t their thing.

I’m prepared for disappointment, but I hope I’m pleasantly surprised.

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight comics #Meta #moon knight meta #I'm back on it everyone #I was supposed to be writing something else and this happened #I'm so sorry #Marc Spector #Steven Grant #I'll find a good Jake one next #I wish the new guys would go back and re-read the old stuff #There's some gold in there that should not be missed or re-written #I'm not normal about Moon Knight #Marc needs more hugs #Someone get Steven off his high horse and back into that speedo #He needs to learn to relax sometimes #Jake needs a buddy #I miss the Moon Knight friends

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chaotictomtom · 1 year

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love this show so much mwah mwah mwah

#tomtoms_art #russian doll #russian doll fanart #natasha lyonne #natasha lyonne fanart #natasha lyonne russian doll #natasha lyonne russian doll fanart #russian doll nadia #russian doll nadia fanart #first ep of s2 when Horse calls out nora instead of nadia when they meet at the subway.............man #i NEED to get back ++++ to digital painting and shit!!!!!!!! i miss it!!!!!

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mwagneto · 7 months

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men will take 3 night shifts in a row

#muttering under my breath like a prayer. im making insane amounts of money here it's worth it it's worth it it's #i dont take anything other than night shifts anyway like i never begin earlier than like 9.30 #but my sleep schedule reset to going to bed at like midnight when i was in paris and BOY that's kicking my ass rn #it's literally fine. also i have to take my car to the mechanic (?) to get winter tyres which sounds so scary #but my father will come with me so it's fine. it's okay. it's fine #we need to get rid of all cars forever please bring back horse riding PLEASE #i say that like i don't literally live in budapest where you cant rly go a day without seeing ppl riding around on horses but #barking

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angelsdean · 1 year

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hi they are in love. smitten smiley fools.

#need 2 finish writing this little fic #so i can get back to writing my longer wips #but also so u can all see them be in love. in new jersey #this is not thee njnatural coming of age au that lives in my mind but this does borrow elements of it #there's a pizzeria and the beach and a horse farm. not something you'd think abt being a jersey thing but where i'm from we got FARMS #wip excerpts

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quibbs126 · 10 months

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if you’re still doing the fankids thing, how about chilirye ?

Jesus Christ, this request was from like, March. But I finally got around to him this is Pepper Bread Cookie

Also I feel like this isn’t the only request for chilirye I’ve gotten, but screw it, I’m too lazy right now to go through 100+ asks to find newer ones

So I originally started making Pepper Bread probably in March, but he was never more than a circle that was meant to be his head. But I was waiting for like an hour for a class, it was 10 minutes past when we were supposed to start, and only a few people had shown up, and we eventually just decided to leave, but in that time I was finally able to come up with something for Pepper Bread here

Anyways I’ll get into his name. So I believe his name is just based on bread that has pepper in it, since rye can be made into bread. Though his design is mostly based on this one specific picture I have saved in my Photos

Pepper Bread:

So today I finally had the idea for what to do with Pepper Bread, and that was to make him an innkeeper. Partially inspired by that idea I had for a Chili Cookie that’s an innkeeper (I do still want to draw her though). So that’s what I did with his outfit. The Innkeeper family from the Red Dragon update were pretty helpful as refs

Though I do also have to admit it makes his outfit more boring looking. Maybe he has some sort of adventuring outfit, maybe I’ll draw that someday

I basically just really wanted to make his hair look like the reference picture, which was the reason why I kept it in the first place. As in like, having orange hair with red flecks. Later on I got the idea of giving him red freckles, which are supposed to be like, pepper flakes in his dough, and I wasn’t sure I should keep the hair idea, but I did and I think it looks nice. It’s also why I gave him the braid, since that’s how the bread looked. It was going to be bigger and longer, but I couldn’t get it to look right, so it just stays on the shoulder now

I’m not sure if he looks too much like Chili Pepper, but oh well. I generally like his design, though I don’t think it’s what I envisioned. The one thing is that I couldn’t make his outfit look that exciting, but them’s the breaks I suppose

So let’s get into his character. So the main thing keeping me from making him is that I couldn’t figure out what to do with him, like specifically what his job was. Chili Pepper’s a thief, Rye’s a bounty hunter (or is she a sheriff? I’m not entirely sure), should I choose one of those for Pepper Bread? Or should I choose something else entirely? If so, how do I choose one that sounds in character for chilirye kid? One idea I had was to make him more straight laced than his moms (since let’s face it, Rye’s just as chaotic as Chili Pepper), and so an idea was to make him a sheriff, but I wasn’t sure. But then as I said, I had the idea to make him an innkeeper, and so yeah

Pepper Bread just wants to live a normal, honest life, so he got himself a tavern and opened it up, he’s gotten business (maybe not a lot, but at least enough to keep him afloat), and he’s pretty happy like this and treasures his inn. Generally speaking, he’s a friendly guy, someone reliable and honest. Though, if you cause trouble in his inn and mess things up, he will not hesitate to throw you out, or throw hands to do so. And while he may love his mas, if they cause trouble in his place, they get the same treatment

Also I imagine him with a strong Southern accent like Rye

Anyways yeah, I think that about covers it for Pepper Bread. Hope you enjoy!

#I keep thinking he needs a black hat #eh I’ll draw that outfit another time I should stop beating a dead horse #now to get back to actual schoolwork #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #chili pepper cookie #rye cookie #chilirye #cookie run oc #fankid #fanchild #pepper bread cookie #my ocs #my art #requests #answers

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