#I promise I don't say the shit I do because I want you to feel bad for me I just genuinely in the moment am thinking that way

[chosoisamalewife]

HIIIII I love you and your work and I was wondering if you could do a Choso x top!male!reader, Reader got home from a long day at work and wanted to take his stress out on choso😈

Choso x male!reader 🔞

A/N / THANK YOU ANON

A/N / CHOSO SLUTS ARE LOUD AS HELL BC THE AMOUT OF REQUEST THAT I HAVE (not complaining, he is my MAN)

WARNINGS : SMUT MINORS STAY AWAY , Top!reader , bottom!Choso , masturbation, face fucking , facial,overstimulation , dacryphillia , double penetration , ass smacking , not really aftercare because hinted at more rounds

🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

If it was legal to set places on fire, your job would definitely be the first to go. All you wanted to do was to go home on time and see your pretty boyfriend. But of course you had to stay much, much later and it irritated you even more. However, when you arrived home, you didn't expect the sight of your boyfriend pumping a dildo in and out of himself

“Please, you can use me.” He stared up at your with teary eyes. “Take your frustrations out on me, I can take it. I promise.” Your growing cock twitched in your pants. The desperation and the whine in his voice. He knew he had that effect on you. He knew you love to use him and make him cum again and again.

“You can?” He nodded and moved closer to the edge of the bed facing you. His hands went to your buttoned shirt and popped opened the little buttons. He stared at you and slid his hands under the opened fabric. You couldn’t stop your breath from hitching at the coldness of his hands. His lips went to your jaw as his hands pawn at your sides. You closed your eyes at the sensation but quickly snapped out of the dazed. Grabbing his wrists tightly made him stop his short attack on your jaw. "Let's test that theory, yeah?" Your lips formed into a smirk as your rid yourself of the shirt. You pulled his body of the bed and pushed him down on his knees. "Oh, can't forget this." You held the toy he was using on himself. "Ride it while I fuck this pretty throat of your." You stuck the stucked the dildo onto the floor. "Don't sit on it yet." You warned him with a smack on his ass ass. You rid yourself from your clothes and moved back in front of him, sitting on the edge of the bed. His body was shaking in anticipation as he stared up at you. He lick his lips at the sight of your hard cock directly in his face. "Go on, sit." He sank down on the toy slowly, his pretty lips parting open. You began to pump your cock slowly spreading the leaking precum all over it "There you go, now fuck it yourself on it." He nodded a whimper as he began to lift his hips up and down on it. He tilted his head down, but you quickly grabbed his hair lifting it back up.

You slap your cock repeatedly against the side of his face. "Open wide and stick out your tongue." He did just that and waited for your next action. You leaned your head back as you slid your cock in his mouth. Your grip on his hair didn’t allow him to do anything. Your cock sitting on his tongue, taste of you filling his mouth, the head against the back of his throat. His nails digged deeply into your thighs. He didn't know what to focus on the dildo in his ass or your cock sliding in and out of his mouth. He felt like he couldn't breathe.

You pulled him off of your cock, more tears was setting in his eyes and drool was pooling at the corner of his lips. "I didn't say you could stop. Did I? Continue fucking your self like you were while I was having a shit day."

"I'm sorry." He whimpered, he began moving his hips up and down again. You held his head still as your shoved your cock in his mouth again. You began to buck your hips faster, the feeling of his whines sending vibrations up your cock. It made you want your climax faster. The sight of him shaking as he bounced on the plastic cock, tear pooling out of his eyes and drool coming down from his face. The sound gagging, it all made it a need. You began to feel something shoot onto your leg, he cammed. You pulled him off of your cock again, his breathing was rough and shaky as he took air in. "Stay still for me." You ordered as if could go anywhere with the grip you had on his hair. You began to pump your cock fast, you felt your orgasm near. The look on his eyes as he waited and the tears spilling out of his eyes pushed you where you wanted to be. You groaned out, body shaking as you came. Your cum shooting onto his face like his did with your leg. He let out little gasps at the spurts of white landing on his pretty face. You slapped your cock against his face one last time and your pulling him up. He moaned at the feeling of the toy leaving his body fast.

You pushed him face forward on the bed, pressing his face into the mattress. You land heavy smacks on his ass, watching as him squirm at the sensation. The pillows muffling the sounds of his whimpers and cries. "Such a dirty boy, loving me using him. " You grabbed the lube, squirting on you cock and his opened hole. "Thank you for doing the prepping job for me. I can you all at once." You pushed yourself into him, bottoming out instantly. He is so sensitive after a orgasm, the he screamed into the pillow at the feeling of you entering him completely. You move your cock in at out of him at a steady pace at the start, occasionally giving his ass smacks. His pale flesh began to turn red because of it.

You grip his sides at you began to fuck him faster, the pillows could no longer contain his moans. You leaned yourself over him, nipping and biting his shoulder and back. You pulled his head up to look at his face. His mouth was gapped open, tears streaming down his face. He was so loud, a noise escaped his mouth each time the head of your cock quickly touched his prostate. You hips coming in contact with the flesh of his ass. "Please." He whimpered and his body started to shake.

"What you begging for slut? I'm giving you what you want." A loud moan escaped his mouth as his body stuttered, another orgasm crashing over him again. "Another one already" You said you yourself, slightly teasing him. He thrashed as your continued to fuck him through it and after it. You picked up the pace, getting to your high. "Just a little bit more, I'm almost there." He babbled something, but you couldn't make it out. You latched your teeth onto his shoulder as you went over the edge, coating his walls with your cum letting him fully fall on the bed. He groaned as you pulled out of him and turned him over.

He expected you to enter him again but was met with soft kisses on his jaw. "We're done?" He mumbled softly, assuming it due to your change of touch

"For right now, you need a break." You continued to kiss his body. Your thumb went to his face, wiping the remaining cum on his face. "Don't go to sleep on me, alright. I'm not done with you" You playfully nipped at his lips

"Kiss me to keep me awake." You didn't waste one second after the words fell from his lips. You pressed your lips deeply against his

[stayyyyyyyyyyyy21]

"In the Warmth of Trust: A Promise Recalled" part 2

BANG CHAN X READER x stray kids

(part 1)

TYPE: ANGST, CHEATING, fluff

( i feel the ending is very cringe but this only came in my mind)

(also bang chan is an angel, this is just fictional)

When Chan broke up with you and you stopped eating or going out, your dream of mastering your studies turned to shit and you scored the lowest grade in your class. All you did was text Bang Chan and cry for him until he blocked you. When the results of your first semester came, you were broken. You couldn't believe that you let Chan's situation waste six months of your life and take away half of your dream college experience. You went to your grade professor and explained the whole situation. Luckily, your college had two batches a year: the December winter batch and the summer batch in June. Your professor asked you to reappear in the December batch, which was ideal. That winter batch changed your life. It's been seven years since Chan's situation. You just turned 30 and were actually preparing for the reunion of your undergraduate batch in Korea with Changbin. You and Changbin both became college professors: he was in the music department and you were a law professor.

Fast forward to the reunion. You met all of your friends, but then you heard Changbin yell, "OMG!" and you turned to see Bang Chan and Felix. You felt no emotions; you were just happy to see they were okay and doing well in life. Changbin dragged you to see your old group, and you instantly got deja vu when everyone in the group blocked you, including Changbin. When you saw Bang Chan and Felix, Felix looked at you in an apologetic way. He pushed Bang Chan and hugged you, saying, "I am sorry for everything. I didn't know you didn't dump Chan; it was Chan who dumped you." You just smiled at Lix and said, "What happened was in the past, let it go."

Before you could reply to Chan, Changbin, Hyunjin, and all of them started beating up Bang Chan and Felix. Both Chan and Felix left Korea and went back to Australia five months after you left Japan. They started their own company in Australia, and since they got busy, they lost touch with the whole group. All of you sat, and Felix asked you, "Y/N, you are the only one whose life is a mystery." All of them looked at you, and you said, "Really?"

Felix asked, "What happened after all that drama? I don't even know how you and the guys became friends again. I mean, when Changbin hyung called me to come for this meet up, he also mentioned how Bang Chan was the one who left you. NGL, I stopped talking to him for two months, but at the end, I had to talk since he was my partner." You smiled, "It's okay, Felix." Chan and Felix looked at you and asked, "So what were you up to in these years? You don't even have social media; you look different."

Y/N said, "Are you saying I got fat, Christopher Bang?" Changbin quickly said, "Hey, it's happy post-baby weight gain," and Bang Chan and Felix were shocked. Chan's disappointment was showing on his face with regrets. Felix got more excited and asked you about your life. You replied, "Well, when my college ended, I had to come back to Korea. After coming back, I was a guest lecturer and preparing for the assistant professor exams. While preparing, I suddenly bumped into Changbin, and he gave me the dirtiest look ever. I ignored him, and he made a comment, 'Look, cheater is back.' I was angry; I turned and hit him with my book and yelled at him, 'Me, cheater? Really, Changbin? Your friend was the one who broke up with me and at the same week got together with Sana, and I am a cheater?' That's when Changbin, Hyunjin, and I.N. all came to me and apologized. I never wanted to be friends with them again because they believed Chan, but everyone deserves a second chance, right?"

Felix said, "Hey, hey, you didn't tell us about your baby and your partner?" Y/N laughed, "Well, I met my 'husband' (the word 'husband' made Bang Chan's eyes more regretful) in Japan itself. I was roaming in the market street and spotted a familiar face. We both looked at each other, and you know, it was only six months after the breakup from Chan, and I got news that I had to repeat a semester. I was emotional, so I just looked at him and started crying." Felix interrupted, "Wait, wait, wait, so you knew him?" Y/N replied, "Yep, he was from our batch. He just stood there and comforted me."

Y/N: Well, after the meeting, I asked him not to talk to the gang about this since I wanted to talk to everyone directly. And since I was starting a new college, I didn't want people from the past to be back again. My husband and I talked to each other via FaceTime every day. He came to Japan for my graduation and asked me on a date.

Felix: Aww.

Y/N: But I said no. Haha, I actually didn't want to be in a relationship. I had zero trust. So, he waited for my answer for one year, and one day when I saw him taking care of me, I confessed to him. Since then, we are stronger than ever. We got married two years ago, and we just had a baby girl. My husband was the reason I improved my grades in college, and I believed in love again. He was my strength and pillar during my worst times. I thought I would never believe in happiness again.

Bang Chan was shattered. He couldn't even look at you in the eye because he realized you lost your friends and had to repeat a semester because of him, just because he wanted to fool around with Sana for a few weeks.

Felix asked Y/N, "Hey, show us a picture of your baby." Y/N showed him the picture, and he said, "OMG, she is so cute! She looks like a bunny." Lee Know yelled from the back, "Of course, she is cute; she is my daughter." Everyone looked back at Lee Know, who was holding your daughter, who was wearing a bear suit. Felix ran to Lee Know, and Lee Know thought felix was giving him a hug , but Felix just snatched your daughter from him and started taking selfies with her. While everyone was laughing, Chan went to Lee Know and said, "Thanks for taking care of Y/N." Lee Know said with a cold look, "You don't have to thank me." He made his way to the gang who were literally fighting each other to hold your and Lee Know's daughter. Bang Chan just stood there, watching you, Lee Know, and your daughter being the perfect family with your friends, and he found himself alone.

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

49. “Give me a week. A week, and I’ll be back to normal. A week, and I’ll… I’ll be over you. Just a week and you’ll have the old me back. It’s that easy, I promise.”

9.”Don’t give me that look.”

18. “You don’t get to do decide my feelings for you.” 

🍎🎸

More prison au because why the hell not lol

Adam started noticing little things about Lucifer. Like how the shade of blue in his eyes rivaled the sky, how his blonde hair was always kept in place neatly, how his breath felt on his ear as his whispered velvety words-

He shook his head, what the hell was wrong with him? He wasn't gay! Or.... At least he didn't think he was.

Maybe it was just Lucifer cause no man had ever captivated his attention like this before.

Weirdly, Adam had never felt so safe.

Lucifer might have noticed some of his odd behavior, cause when they were in their cell for lights out he brought it up right away. "What is going on with you?"

Adam blinked owlishly, he didn't want to talk about it. "Nothing. Just go the fuck to bed." He answered hotly. Adam yelped when he was dragged down by his calves, Lucifer standing in-between his legs holding them open as he leveled Adam with a stern look.

"You know better than to speak to me like that." His hands traveled up to Adams thighs. "You've been acting weird all week. So I'll ask you again: What's wrong?"

Adam gulped as he tried to ignore the tender touch on his inner thighs. His face started to burn hot, it didn't help that he felt something poking him in the ass cheek. "Nothing."

"Adam."

Fuck. "Look, it's not like it fucking matters okay? You don't even...." He trailed off and averted his gaze when Lucifer gave him a questioning raise of his brow. “Give me a week. A week, and I’ll be back to normal. A week, and I’ll… I’ll be over you." Adam whispered that last part, he still wasn't looking at Lucifer, it was too humiliating. "Just a week and you’ll have the old me back. It’s that easy, I promise.”

"Look at me." Lucifer said, he gripped Adam's thigh tighter when he didn't. Adam finally looked at him. "Don't give me that look."

"What look?"

"That hurt look, like you think I don't give a shit."

"But you don't."

Lucifer narrowed his eyes. "You don't get to decide my feelings for you." He climbed on top of Adam to get right in his face. "I wouldn't do half the shit I do for you if I didn't care about you." Lucifer brushed the back of his hand gently over Adams cheek. "You're my favorite, baby." Lucifer leaned down and kissed Adam.

Adam's eyes went wide but he recovered and kissed the blonde man back.

"Oh Adam, I love the way you taste, the way you look under me. You're a breathtaking view. Trust me when I say I feel the same." Lucifer had been taking notice of Adam too, every little detail of the ex-officer was burned into his mind.

As Adam was properly pinned to the thin mattress, he couldn't help but think maybe prison isn't so bad.

As long as they had each other.

[shuttershocky]

I remember leading up to Rebirth people expecting for it to end with having to choose between Tifa and Aerith. As if that wouldn’t be the Worst Idea

Something like that would have blown the scope way out of control (as if these games aren't huge enough) and also would have missed the point entirely lol.

Rebirth's changes and surprises work so well because it uses your knowledge and expectations of FF7 against you, not just in what it changes, but in what it keeps the same.

Yuffie is really easy to miss in the original and is recruited in the forests outside Junon, but in Rebirth she's seen in Junon but doesn't join in until after Costa del Sol, making you question if it was possible to have messed something up. Funnily enough, the team also does all it can to push her away (because Barret doesn't want to endanger a teenage girl) and instead she forces herself in.

Cid is also met in Rocket town in the original game, and he's a foul-mouthed chainsmoker, but in Rebirth he's first seen as a hired pilot in Gongaga, and while he's rough, he's not unfriendly (because the gang are customers), and he's yet to really join the party in anti-Shinra activities because you're still missing the part where Rufus refuses to restart the space program and Palmer tries to steal his plane.

Now the thing with Aerith's fate is that her death worked in the original because it was such a surprise. Rebirth can't replicate that anymore, not when Aerith's death is one of the most famous plot twists in all of JRPGs.

Instead, Rebirth tells you that it knows that you know. Events involving party members change majorly, while the ending of Remake states that the very concept of 'fate' has been destroyed. The party gets more time with Aerith and more fleshed out relationships, from Tifa confiding with Aerith about her doubts regarding Cloud's Nibelheim flashback to Barret becoming something of a father figure to her (and Yuffie) with his protective nature and little cute details like lending Aerith his shades in battle. There all these new things that clue you in on a slowly sinking feeling that despite things changing, one dreadful detail is going to stay the same, because this game still feels like FF7.

And it's great because it's not just a meta thing. The cast fights for Aerith like it's possible for her to be saved, because they don't know that she has to die here, only you, the player, know that. Unlike the original, Cloud reaches Sephiroth seemingly just in time. Barret looks Sephiroth dead in the eyes and says "I'm going to kill you." because apparently skewering him with an odachi is fine so long as you don't do it to someone else under his watch. Zack Fair himself abuses a bullshit cosmic loophole to come back from the dead (not exactly but it's a long story) to save her because he promised years ago he'd come back, and when you go as far as having the second most famous dead FF7 character cheat death to save her, to grant the wish of FF7 players since 1997, you would think "Oh shit this can work. This can happen. Aerith's going to make it!"

And then she doesn't.

You can't toy with your audience's emotions that precisely and effectively if you're going to let them choose between Aerith or Tifa lol

[sinner-sunflower]

P.2 HH Lucifer-centric AU 14/?

STORY 1, PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13

You guys ever read They Both Die at the End cos this is looking a lot like that the more we go on.

-----------------------------------------------

Lucifer had begun to tell them of his trip to Heaven, from what had prompted Michael to almost destroy Hell with his holy weapon to the brewing civil war.

They listened intently to every word he said, not once interrupting him again until they got the full story.

And that's what he gave them.

Well... almost all of it.

He left out the part where the Fates had prophesied his imminent death in the war. Revealing that particular information would raise more questions that Lucifer wouldn't be able to answer.

Charlie: I still don't understand. Why would they involve you, Dad? If Heaven goes to war, how does that affect us?

Satan: Despite what most might think, Heaven and Hell are not two separate entities. After the creation of humanity, it's impossible for one to exist without the other.

Lucifer: He's right. Back then, before... everything. Hell hadn't been made yet because, while yes there was darkness, there were no lower beings to corrupt. Thus no use for a pit to contain them. But then Adam and Lilith happened. Then Eve...

Mammon: So what? We're screwed?

He shook his head.

Lucifer: No. Just me.

Satan: Huh? What do you mean, just you?

Shit. What is with his mouth today?

Lucifer: ..... Michael told me that he took a look at the Fates and saw me among those on the battlefield.

Beelzebub: Excuse me?!

Satan: What the hell??

Leviathan: So it will happen down here? Because there is no way we are letting you go back up there for anything.

Belphegor: Were you also planning on keeping that to yourself? Really, Lucifer?!

Asmodeus: I don't like this.

Charlie: The Fates?

He understood their reactions; after all, this was too big of a revelation to keep quiet for this long about.

Alastor had been awfully quiet beside him, but he can't dwell on that right now nor will he call out the look of disdain the guy is giving Levi.

'Do those two know each other?'

In the end, he chose to ignore Belphegor's accusation (is it really an accusation if it's true?) in favor of answering his daughter.

Lucifer: The threads of life. Pre-written destinies of every being in existence. It might be placed in Heaven, but no one, not even Father, can change what has already been woven.

Charlie: And Archangel Michael saw yours? How?

Lucifer: I-You'll have to ask him that. I fell before the duty of guarding the Fates was passed onto me. I have limited understanding as it is.

He's digging his own grave but it's not a total lie.

Charlie: And do you trust him?

Her question throws him in a loop. Because what?

Lucifer: What?

Charlie: I can tell you have resentment for him. Do you not trust his word? Is that why you were not in a hurry to tell any of us because you think it's a trap or something?

Lucifer: Regardless of what my feelings towards Michael, I believe his words. He is not one to involve Hell in anything that can be solved within Heaven. And I want to say that I'm sorry for not telling you all the moment I got back. The only thing I can say is that I was tired and with everything that just happened in Sloth, all I wanted was to sleep. I promise that I didn't know any of that stuff you saw would happen.

Charlie: But what was that, dad?

Lucifer: My appearance might not be the only thing the ritual affected.

Lies.

Lucifer: I'm handling it.

Lies.

Lucifer: I swear it's nothing to worry about.

LIES.

He gives her a smile that he hopes is comforting enough but based on her crunched up expression, it must have came off more strained.

Charlie: Dad...

Tense silence fills the room. Lucifer's well aware no one believes him but he knows they won't try to push further. They are well acquainted with his character, after all. Cowardly but stubborn.

Satan: We'll get our forces ready then.

Lucifer: Huh?

Satan: What? Did you think we'll just sit here and let our King fight alone?

Lucifer: Look, no one else needs to be involved. I am-

Satan: -the King of Hell, are you not? And whoever threatens our King is our enemy.

Everyone let out a chorus of agreement. The Sin of Pride crumples the bedsheets in his hold. There's tears threatening to fall from his eyes in his disbelief.

How did he find people who are all so willing to fight for him? He feels a pang of guilt for he knows that regardless of what they do, he will meet his end in that war.

But how could he tell them that? Tell his family, these demons he raised, that he'll be leaving them?

A Marigold being tucked behind his ear made him look at his silent pillar. Alastor grabs a hold of his hand and plants a kiss on top of it in a manner that makes his heart flutter like a lovesick teen.

Alastor: We will do everything in our power to keep you safe, my King.

.

.

Lucifer: I believe you.

He wishes he could stop with the lies.

-----------------------------------------------

Once the battlecries died down in favor of the Sins giving Alastor a weird version of a shovel talk, they hear shouts outside the room.

It kept getting closer and closer until the door bursts open revealing the rest of the hotel residents, all holding some form of weapons on them.

He would've thought they were under attack until Vaggie and Angel toss something, no someone, on the ground.

It was a face Lucifer never thought he'd be able to see again. Because he's dead. He should know because he burned the body in Hellfire himself.

On the floor, beaten and bruised, is a half-goat demon wearing a face of a dead man. It grunts and let's out an awkward laugh as it meets his eyes.

Adam: Haha..... Sup, bro.

-----------------------------------------------

Apologies if that last part is weirdly cut cos I wanted Luci to say that but then I also wanted Adam to appear now.

I'd appreciate any comments or DMs left on your thoughts about everything so far! Reblogs and likes are also much appreciated <3

Have a happy weekend everyone!

[hamartia-grander]

so my general paranoia has always been pretty bad (hi ocd) but I thought it was more manageable the past few years as I've matured and gotten better at catching myself before I spiral, but recently (as in the past three weeks or so) it's been so bad that I do things impulsively as I'm spiralling without even realising it and it's been negatively affecting the way I perceive how friends think of me which I do NOT want to start happening again because that sucked. Idk why it's happening but I'd be grateful for any advice idrk what else to say about it.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

Me, when Sebastian joins my party for the first time: Okay, this time I'm not going to forget about you, Sebastian. I'm going to make an effort to use you a lot this playthrough so I can better understand you.

Also me, immediately forgetting about Sebastian while finishing Act 2 and making it halfway through Act 3 before I finally notice his Faith quest: ......................Oh. Right. My bad.

[naamahdarling]

.

[pinkopalina]

I love Harley. I don't like why she was made but there are some benefits to it too, like she gets to be a foil to Joker and she gets to be a morally gray character unlike Joker and it gave us the opportunity for more acceptable queer representation because, let's be real, it's easier to put lesbian representation out than it is to put gay male representation because of the patriarchy. Don't let me get into a whole fucking thing about it but I do love Harley even though I will never support their relationship genuinely. however I do support the toxic relationship because it's necessary to show just how bad they are for each other and what their motives are because Joker uses Harley every possible chance he can get, he rats on her for time off, he tells her he loves her and does things for her so that she can throw herself in situations for him, she is a really good way to show what can happen when you're blindly loyal to somebody

but I also love that there are times where she stands up to the Joker and she's mad at him and obviously it's supposed to just be comic relief but it's kind of badass that like this main villain that Batman won't kill, like Harley has no problem calling him a scumbag and punching him and beating him up. Even though he obviously abuses her, they feed off of each other's energy and there's just no reason that they should be together other than they fuel the worst in each other. and I think both of them kind of like that. Joker needs somebody to fuel the worst in him so that he can continue to feul the best in Batman so that Batman can continue to feul the best in him so that he can feul the worst in Harley so that she can find the best in herself and it's just like this whole train of mental illness and queer behavior. I love it!!

[ante--meridiem]

I need to not engage in a direct argument about this with someone who definitely does not need to hear it from me right now so I'm just going to yell about it on tumblr:

If you believe people should only have autonomy when they aren't hurting themselves then you don't really believe people should have autonomy. "When they're hurting others" is a justifiable boundary because your autonomy shouldn't allow you to infringe other people's autonomy, but drawing the line at hurting themselves is essentially saying you should get a greater say over their well-being than they should, which is the complete opposite of autonomy.

I acknowledge the nuance that sometimes people would have a deeper general preference to have their autonomy overridden in specific instances and respecting them may mean helping them with that but you still don't just get to assume that's the case because you want it to be true.

[trans-leek-cookie]

Hm I'm not putting this in yhe main tags bc. Yeah but I'm blocking ppl who call the step mother hot

[ne-spivay-ranenko]

god i am fucking pathetic

[inkskinned]

it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.

anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."

just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.

i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.

when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.

but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.

i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?

most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.

now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.

and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.

go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.

[diapause]

self pitying text post below. sorry. too many people on my other socials know me in real life x

do not like how I'm going through a very bad time and noticing very blatantly that no one I'm close to will speak to me if I don't put in a Lot of effort and even then I'll only get something back on the off chance I say something interesting enough and at the right time to be replied to. I'm not even wanting to talk about my problems to anyone I just want to speak to the people who I think are my friends sometimes

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

UPDATE What's up, it's the proposal guy. You said you wanted to know how this turned out, so I figured I'd tell you. First some context though, because I'm mean and I wanna keep you in suspense longer.

1- I don't wanna doxx us so I'm not telling you where we live, but suffice to say, neither of us are American, and gay marriage has been legal here for less than five years. For both of us, this is the first relationship we've had where marriage was even an OPTION, and I think that's where we've been getting some of that whole 'this has to be a REAL proposal with EVERYTHING' idea.

2- I gotta figure out how to explain this properly. So, I'm pretty used to being the GUY guy in relationships? I was always the one who did the nice gestures, not the one they got done for. Before I met my dream guy, I didn't really notice or care that it was such a thing, I just assumed that's how shit worked. Also, I promised I wouldn't talk a lot about his stuff here, but his last boyfriend before me SUCKED. Anyway point here is, it turns out we both REALLY like feeling swept off our feet sometimes, and a big part of finding each other has been getting to feel special for once? That's a stupid sappy way of putting it the point here is I think all that's what morphed into "I need to be the one getting proposed to, also it has to be completely perfect", and then our Petty & Extra genes got involved.

So I'm sitting in bed thinking about all that up there, and watching all the comments coming in basically being like "Dude, you are BLOWING this" on repeat, and telling me to compromise, and I look up and see him flossing in the bathroom and making all these doofy faces at the mirror, and it's like a switch just flips in my brain, and I'm like "Oh, I'd rather he gets to have his perfect proposal than we both have an okay one". I'm gonna do it.

Morning rolls around, and while I'm 'out for my jog like normal' I hit up a pawn shop for a temp ring (the ring pop thing is cute but NOT HIM). I found one I was at least confident wouldn't get ruined the first time he got his hands greasy (he fixes old machines as a hobby it's hot as hell), got back home, and hid the box in the toe of my nasty ass workout shoes in the bedroom closet, since I figured he'd check there last.

He was still asleep, because he stays up late no matter what and then is SHOCKED he's tired the next day, so I called and booked a table at our usual anniversary spot. (Side note about the 'he picks bad restaurants' thing. This isn't an 'I like Greek, you like Chinese' situation, dude's just BAD at finding places. He either assumes pricey is tasty and I get to eat some overrated gourmet bullshit, or he'll try and find something hip and underground and risk giving us food poisoning again, and he REFUSES to give up and pick somewhere we've been before when it's his turn to plan date night. I'm obsessed with him <3.) Date was set, I'd propose on the 21st.

Some of you might have noticed this, but fun fact! It's currently the 16th.

Last night I'm doing dishes and he's been sent to our room for mug collection duty, and he's taking FOREVER, so I go check just in case he found the ring, because the man's a gift tracking BLOODHOUND. Turns out he hasn't, he's found my Angry Box.

I assume other people have an Angry Box? Basically, we had this huge messy fight right when we first moved in together, and I never wanna let it get that bad again, so I have this shoebox where I keep a bunch of our stuff I can look at if we're fighting and hopefully cool off. There's one of those photo booth roll things, letters we wrote when he moved back with his parents for COVID, the wine cork from our first date, shit like that. Anyway, he's just sitting on the floor staring at it, and I explain about the Angry Box, and then he! Proposes!!! Kind of.

He definitely didn't have anything prepared, because by 'propose' I mean 'ugly cried & rambled at me for several minutes before I figured out it WAS a proposal', but once I got on the same page it was amazing. I said yes, and he had to admit he didn't have a ring for me because he was CONVINCED he'd win and I'd do it, so I grabbed mine because, yeah, he was right. He was like "this is the ugliest ring I've ever seen" and I was like yeah well the plan is to replace it later and he went "No. You can pry this off my cold dead fingers. After I'm buried with it." So I guess it's not a temporary ring anymore.

I'm just gonna go ahead and skip to this morning. I pointed out we still have the reservation, and he said I should propose there anyway because "We can get a free dessert. They have those creme brulee shot glasses you like. And for love, or something" and I said ok deal, but that means you gotta get me a ring to keep it fair, and his eyes LIT UP. When I swung by his work for lunch he was still on the phone with a jeweler and he had a whole page of notes on three other ones. Pray for me.

OH PS: I was RIGHT that he'd been the one behind the cat biting me, but it wasn't about the proposal stuff, it's because I paid my baby sister three dollars to shout 'fuck you' every single time he enters a room she's in for (if you ask me, he should be madder at my sister for charging so little), and he did it by giving her a bunch of treats for biting his hands too, so now neither of us can pet our baby girl without oven mitts on. HOLY SHIT I love this man.

Oh my goddddddd I love everything about this <333 I awwww'd out loud on a voice call, like, six times while reading. You two are friggin perfect for each other and so obviously smitten with each other and I wish y'all all the happiness in the world

PS Are y'all planning to have a big wedding? If so oh boy I can't WAIT to get that one in the inbox

Original post

[myosotisa]

‖ tags: smut, somnophilia, size kink, p in v, praise kink

‖ word count: 380

the two of you have had sex 3 times and you've never been able to take all of him because you just get too in your head about how huge he is. he's so patient with you, never rushing you, prioritizing your comfort over anything else. making suggestions to try to make it better, or saying he'll just fuck you with half so it doesn't hurt you, or that the two of you don't have to do anything at all if you don't want to.

you feel bad, self conscious, slightly ashamed, apologetic. he assures you it's more than fine, sex with you is amazing even if you can't take all of him. but. he knows it's all in your head. he knows your body can take it. he asks if you trust him and of course you say you do.

you wake up on your stomach, naked from the waist down and your shirt rolled up to your armpits. it's hot and sweaty and disorienting but holy shit what is that feeling?!

"there she is," he says in a deep voice, rough from how quiet he's trying to be. "good morning beautiful"

you go to say good morning back but it's cut off with an unexpected moan, a feeling deep inside you shifting. "feel that?" he murmurs, sounding a bit cheeky but so utterly pleased. to make his point more clear he rolls his hips, adjusting his thick cock inside you, and holy fucking shit he's balls deep.

"knew you could take it, baby," he says proudly when you gasp, fingers twisting in the sheets beneath you. he pulls back an inch or two and pushes back in, your back arching as you let out a choked moan. he's so deep, you've never felt anything like this before.

"just had to take your big, nervous brain out of the equation. knew it the whole time - your pussy was begging for it, crying for it. and now you're soaking me, sh-iiit, like you were made for my fat cock," he groans, continuing to slowly shift in and out of you, your muscles clenching around him on each drive forward. "so fucking perfect baby. just keep taking it like a champ and I promise to make you feel so good you'll never worry about me fucking you like this ever again."