#I really need to put my wishlist in private

[tobebrutal]

                  THE UNFORTUNATE DETAILS IN HOW  DEEDS  RUNS THIS BLOG

about speed

fluctuates from day to day.    i’m not so much a  busy  person as i am a  chronically exhausted  one.    i do try to keep people updated on when i’m not going to be around or when i don’t plan on sitting down and putting my fingers to keys.    this can also be dictated by where my brain is at the time.    i may be lightning with one muse and a snail with another.    it  rarely  has to do with my partners and more to do with brainrot and my unwillingness to force out content.    but sometimes a scrub just..  needs a break, too.

regarding replies   

on a  good  day when i’m feeling my oats for all the characters on my roster(s), they come out in order and i’m just ocd enough to  match word/letter counts  to keep my sanity stable.    one a  bad  day though ?    i’ll hyperfixate on one or two muses and the rest could take weeks+ to be got to.    again, this isn’t a matter or me not liking the storyline or my partner, i just know how i am and if i want to write something i will.    if i don’t ?    i know it’s not going anywhere and so long as my partners are okay with me jumping around ?    we’ll be hunky dory. xo

hot take on starters   

woof.    okay, so here’s the pickle with starters of late, for me at least ;   i get pretty burnt out when i write them, they get a like, and then there’s never any activity on it again.    it makes me feel like there’s some  what’s the point  tension in there and i do get kind of irritated after that with the partners who do it.    i don’t always write for my own amusement.    that said,  i can whip out a starter at the drop of a hat.    i don’t always need a subject and i can usually wing it enough to make sense, timelines be damned.    but for me to hunker down and get to that ?    i like to know the person/people i’m writing them for will, y’know, make something of it.    this has grown into a nasty trend and it’s draining.    i can feel myself slipping.    sos.

the inbox

meeeeeemes.    memes.    i love me a good meme or two.    or three.    this takes a step more effort than liking a starter call, y’know ?    it shows a bit more interest in writing with me and i’m more inclined to crank something out for them.    i’m also all about combining memes.    whether they’re from the same prompt list or i’m frankensteining together a real metal setup to hit homers with.    they’re good icebreakers.    another note,  i keep my anonymous off at all times  because we cause drama like men here, faces out.    if you ever want to ask me something privately, my ims are on and open.    ...also i sometimes close my inbox because i’m a fool who gets overwhelmed.    also y’all are cute.

selectivity

high.    it’s nothing personal, i just know me and i know i don’t have the social battery to really keep up with a high tally of folks.    i’m not concerned with aesthetics,  though i like to pretend mine is noice.    i don’t care about icons or if you format your replies.    i like a partner who  puts their all into their writing above all else.    someone i can tell, by looking, is committed to their muse(s) and will be around for the long haul if we plot something out.    because i’m so picky though, i do a good deal of softblocking and the occasional hardblock if someone keeps following me back with no payout.    i’ve been neck deep in this hobby for a very long time and i don’t have the same patience i used to.

a wishlist  

everything.    the end.    seriously though, i know there’s a wishlist tag somewhere on my blog.    it’s usually for  shippy stuff  though.    of which i’m always down to clown with.    usually i’m pretty upfront with what i want from a connection though.    if i have an idea, i’ll seek out the mun/muse i think it’ll work with best and float it by them.    we’re here for instant gratification.

one final honest note

i am not good at maintaining conversation out of character.    i will, at some point, go quiet and, if you want to give me a poke, please do.    this rarely ever translates to my eagerness or willingness to write with a person though.    as said before, the social battery is low and after a while, for the sake of unwinding, i’ll clam up.    i also just ???    rather  focus myself on getting replies  and the like done when i’m typing ?    chitchat sometimes can feel monotonous and i see it as a distraction.    now, plotting ?    if something is real ripe and juicy, i probably won’t shut up and then i’m sorry for that, too. :l

i stole this from  @pagetorn​  and now i’m making it all y’all’s homework for today.    this is a really nice way to let people know i’m never getting better and it’s all downhill from here. :)))

[bugbyte]

Man I do not know what is up lately but I’m now into week two of my entire body being terrible. My hands especially are just weirdly finicky and it’s making it hard to do most things, let alone drawing, which is the one thing I need/want to be doing.

I’ve also been getting what I can only assume are migraines? It’s been maybe a rare occurrence through most of my life but it’s been misery lately. My neck has been weird and stiff and creaky for a while but no one seems to think it’s significant at any appointments I’ve been to, so, hm. I don’t think I agree with that. The two things feel pretty connected to me anyway. In a private EDS group I’m in someone mentioned a soft neck brace that’s good for sleeping in and general use and something like that probably wouldn’t hurt to try. Gotta figure out how to afford it. One of the worst things so far about having a physical health issue is that so many things are kind of just a DIY situation, like, buy this or that brace and hope it works, try cannabis for pain that btw your insurance won’t cover, and so on. I can make like, one quality-of-life-improving purchase a month. I’d put up an Amazon wishlist but it feels kinda weird to do.

Anyway. At least for the purposes of keeping track of my life I feel like I can definitively call the past two weeks a flare up, compared to most days. I wish I could figure out what set it off, but really I mostly wish it would just end already. 😵‍💫

[thegeminisage]

:((( i got deathloop and almost immediately had to refund it because it kept crashing :(( i got to play a little of it and I like what I saw of Colt but yeah :(( i want to upgrade my pc at some point so after i do that, I'll probably end up buying it again. I got the first Dishonored though so I'm excited for that!!

i haven't done much of recording (besides like. a few semi-attempts to try doing lets play that never got uploaded) but I think radeon might have a 30 second clip feature? i have it on my pc, I'll double check tomorrow.

I haven't played Celeste but its on my wishlist (along with so many others 🥲) and I've heard good things about it!

anyways, i need to go to bed lol have a good day/night!! thank you for your thoughts on Deathloop!!!

NOOOOO wtf thats so sad wtf :( my pc had a really hard time running it too, i couldn't play it properly until i got a cooler (instead of a regular fan) for my birthday.

you're gonna LOVE dishonored though it is SO much fun...it's a long series (dh1 comes with multiple endings and lots of dlc, and dh2 can be played with two different characters going good or bad and with or without powers giving you a total of eight possible routes, and then doto has 2 endings as well) so hopefully by the time you're finished chewing on it you'll be able to upgrade your pc. i LITERALLY feel your pain i like couldn't run deathloop for awhile after they launched a major update in the MIDDLE of my playthrough and i was steamed as hell. i wish i could mail u the pc parts u need to get it running :(

also imo the best way to record pc gameplay is via streaming - twitch will record it and keep a copy for you that you can then download/save. but that involves doing things Publicly, so if you're just playing in private or with a friend...it can't work. i'd love to know about radeon though!! 30 seconds is what we get on switch so that's better than nothing. maybe i'll put my r*ddit account to good use finally and ask on there

ok this bit came in while i was replying and LMAO i was gonna warn you about celeste being maybe one of the top ten games ever made genuinely but also so difficult i put it down for months at a time but if you're oneshotting bloodborne bosses you'll probably beat it faster than me lol. def pick it up next time it's on sale i had such a genuine touching experience with it <3

[rydoofall]

🗨Hashtags #Gaming #LetsPlay #Rydo 🎲Description🔗Game Link▶Playlists📑RSS🌐Social🎮Hardware💸Donate Below 🎲New version of the muti-awarded game. Now in 3D. Includes improved IA, 3D landscape, new exclusive features. *** Carcassonne fits that opening game niche that every game group needs. -Tyler Nichols, Board Game Quest *** Carcassonne = Great game, great mechanics, great pieces, great fun! -The Board Game Family *** Carcassonne's recent Android re-release and its fresh, new features are a joy to experience*** Pocket Gamer A TILE PLACEMENT GAME OF CREATING LANDSCAPES, CLAIMING AREAS, AND GAINING POINTS Carcassonne is a modern classic tile-placement game based on the award wining game in which the players draw and place a tile with a piece of southern French landscape on it. The tile might feature a city, a road, a cloister, grassland or some combination thereof, and it must be placed adjacent to tiles that have already been played, in such a way that cities are connected to cities, roads to roads, et cetera. The player can then decide to place one of his followers, so called Meeples, on one of the areas on it: on the city as a knight, on the road as a robber, on a cloister as a monk, or on the grass as a farmer. When that area is complete, that meeple scores points for its owner. Each new game is a new experience thanks to the ever-changing landscape. ENJOY FUN AND TACTICAL GAMEPLAY During a game of Carcassonne, players are faced with decisions like: "Is it really worth putting my last meeple there?" or "Should I use this tile to expand my city, or should I place it near my opponent instead, making it harder for him to complete his goal and score points?" Since players place only one tile and have the option to place one meeple on it, turns proceed quickly even if it is a game full of options and possibilities. FEATURES • 5 expansions to shake up your games with new tiles, meeples and rules • 1 Free expansion: The Abbot • Solo mode • Pass & Play on the same device with your friends and family • Detection of blocked locations once the tile is placed. • Online multiplayer mode includes: - Public games to play with players all around the world - Private games to invite your friends - Ranked games and leaderboards - Chat & Lobby • 3D modelisation (vs 2D for the previous versions and the physical game) • Additional strategic layers compared to the physical version: - field view which allows you to see the field possession of each player - remaining tile list: allows you to see the tiles which are remaining in the draw pile Languages available: English, French, German Italian, Spanish 🔗Game Link: https://ift.tt/4HzFn8p ▶Playlists: https://www.youtube.com/c/RydoOfAll/Playlists 📑RSS: https://www.youtube.com/feeds/videos.xml?channel_id=UCVcAy5Zgr18zqCSms7phA_A 🌐Social Links Twitter: https://twitter.com/@Rydoofall Facebook: https://ift.tt/CfxbGUh Steam: https://ift.tt/5PApv4f ​Twitch: https://ift.tt/YPvJ0eE 🎮Hardware Microsoft Windows 10 Pro AMD Ryzen 7 3800X 8-Core Processor 3.90 GHz 64.0 GB Ram NVIDIA GeForce RTX 2080 Wired Xbox One Controller Blue Yeti Microphone Open Broadcast Software 💸Donate Steam: Gift Me A Game or Gift Card Friend Me: https://ift.tt/njpPrHF Wishlist: https://ift.tt/vGMerXC Patreon: https://ift.tt/VNBo3RS

[smolbabysquish]

hewwo! i was wondewing how i can do mo stuff as a wittle. I am a cwoseted willte and idk what to do in my spawe time. pwease hewp!

Hewo! I know how difficult it can be to find things to do in little space when you’re a closeted little one! Here are some things I do to help me regress or stay regressed (while living with my parents and little/no money to spend):

Play some music to bring out your little self!

disney movie soundtracks, studio ghibli soundtracks (ponyo’s main theme is great!), animal crossing ambience on youtube or any other nostalgic kiddo music works super well for me. I have noise-cancelling headphones that I put in so I can listen as loud as I want without anyone hearing what I’m listening to.

Print your own colouring pages!

there are tons of colouring pages for free that you can download on pinterest! put them all in a document, print them out and place them in a binder. you don’t need to buy expensive colouring books and you can pick and choose which of your favourite characters you want to colour! If you don’t have a printer or computer at home, you can go to your local library and use theirs to do this too.

Play some kiddo-friendly video games!

a good way to play in little space without having to purchase physical toys that can’t be hidden or that will be found by others is to play video games. There are so many mobile games that are kid friendly if you don’t have a DS, switch or any other handheld private gaming console.

Join a daycare and/or little discord server!

I used to be pretty active in a few of these, and there are a ton of active daycares on tumblr to choose from and apply to. The daycares that have discord servers are really helpful for regressing because you get to interact consistently and talk to other littles in a big group chat! They may even have challenges, worksheets or polls for you to do in little space. If you find it hard to be alone in little space or just enjoy being little with online friends this would be super helpful!

Write, draw and ramble in a regression journal!

whenever I feel stuck in little space, I go to my journal. This helps my get in touch with my little mind and imagination! You can write about anything, draw things, put stickers everywhere, make a little space wishlist, write stories about your stuffies and their adventures, etc!

Read yourself a story, or listen to someone else reading one!

I have a ton of books from my childhood that I have held onto and I bring them to my room to read for bedtime or before a nap in little space. If you prefer someone reading to you, audio versions of children’s books are available, either on an app like audible or even YouTube. I know there are also CGs on tumblr who read children’s books and post the audio for littles to enjoy!

Take a nice warm bubble bath!

There are so many ways that a bath can make help with regression, it’s nostalgic and soothing and fun! buy some bubble bath mix or a bath bomb for more discreet bath time that is still colourful and fun to splash around in (without the obvious kiddo products).

[stargazer-balladeer]

Genshin impact wishlist request for Razor( cute wolf boy) and scaramouche. Love your writing. Reading through your blog put a smile on my face!!! =^.^=

Character(s): Razor & Scaramouche (Genshin Impact)

Notes: uwu- tysm-!! I’m glad my randomness brings you a smile lmao-! Hope you have a safe, anon!

Razor

With Klee

“Oh.. it’s red bunny girl.”

“Hey, mr Razor! How are you?”

“Me doing fine. What about red bunny girl?”

“I’m doing fine too!”

“.. what are you doing here? It’s dangerous.”

“Ah! I wanted to see the stars!”

“... stars?”

“You know, the tiny lights in the sky whenever its night!”

“Oh.. stars.”

“Hmhm! I needed to find a perfect view on the stars to make a wish!”

“A.. wish? Stars grant wishes?”

“Yep! Mr Albedo and grandmaster Jean told me!”

“Oh.. so how to make wishes to stars?”

“You make your hands do this and close your eyes and wishhhh from the bottom of your heart! You need to wish it from the heart or else it wouldn’t come true!”

“Oh.. ok.”

“Then, let’s make a wish together!”

“.. ok.”

“Yay! Let’s start now.”

“Stars that grants wishes. Red bunny girl told me about you, so I want to make a wish. It’s for [Y/N]. They are on a journey right now. I miss them already. I want them back. But I’m being selfish if I let them stay with me. I’m sorry for thinking selfishly. Please forgive me. I hope their all right. I hope their blade is still sharp to kill the enemies around them. Stars, can you please protect them for me. Oh, right. It’s almost that event, right? What is the name again.. ‘Christmas’? I think so. Happy Christmas, [Y/N], and stars. Thank you for listening to my wish.”

Scaramouche

With La Signora

“...”

“...”

“.. it’s you again.”

“.. is this truly a coincidence?”

“I think you’re following me.”

“What nonsense you’re spouting, Balladeer.”

“Hmph. Atleast I’m not the one who dragged a fellow Harbinger outside to make a wish and left them!”

“Oh? You’re still salty about that? I already apologized, didn’t I?”

“As if I’ll accept that half-hearted apology-!”

“Hmph.. you’re always so angry. Why not calm down a bit?”

“Ha? What’s me being always angry got to do with this conversation?”

“See, you’re always so aggressive. You’ll have white hair if you keep this up.”

“You-! You’re one to talk-!”

“Excuse me- but my hair is blond.”

“Tsk. Looks like white to me.”

“You’re just colorblind then.”

“I am not colorblind! Atleast I know how to fix myself up!”

“Are you implying something, Scaramouche?”

“... no.”

“Good. Now, why don’t you make a wish to the stars as well? I believe it would help lessen that furrow on your brows.”

“And why will I participate in such childishness?”

“It wouldn’t kill you to try.”

“It wouldn’t but I can’t say the same for embarrassment and humiliation.”

“Well, you aren’t getting those if you do it privately.”

“How you handle the embarrassment is what I truly wonder..”

“Now, off you go. You better make a wish or else..”

“Yeah yeah, whatever.”

——

(This is him in his room, talking to himself-)

“Tsk. Who does she think she is?! She’s just a Harbinger just like me!”

“...”

“*sigh* what’s the point in making a wish if it’ll not come true? That’s not how life is..”

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try. Wouldn’t want that woman’s torture afterall.”

“O shining, wishing stars of the night. Why am I talking so poetically, you may ask? I don’t know either. Anyway, I don’t really know what to wish for so I honestly don’t know why I’m doing this— oh. [Y/N]. I forgot about them. I guess I can make a wish for them. I hope their doing well, and that their safe from harm. Wouldn’t want to return home to find them dead afterall. Though I wonder if they have been eating properly or making an effort to dress themselves up. I swear that person is either lazy or has no sense of fashion. *sigh* anyways.. do they still know how much I love them? Do they know how much I miss them? So much that I just want to go home and be with them and don’t worry about life... who am I kidding? This is reality. This is my life. I chose this life, and I can’t back out of it. No matter how many I killed or how people around me hate me, I’ll continue to live. Because that is what I believe in. Merry Christmas, my beloved. Till we meet again.”

[naamahdarling]

We need a hand with expenses again.

We need a hand with expenses again. I’m so sorry to ask, when so many of you have already been so generous.  The simple truth is that without Bear getting financial aid from uni and being unemployed because COVID, my SNAP benefits being temporarily suspended due to a paperwork snafu, and me bringing in under $800 a month in disability, we can’t make things work.

Bear will be able to go back to work part-time (about all she can manage; she’s disabled, too, and not even drawing SSI because they won’t acknowledge how serious it is) when she’s had her second shot and had time to build immunity.  The stimulus checks will help, but most of that is earmarked for home repairs, detailed below.

Y’all have already helped so much!  I have taken the lovely, helpful, kind donations some of you sent, paid off all household bills for March, HALF of MY Care Credit, a month and a half at least of scrip food for the 4 kids on it, and the next 2 months of all our vet plans. It’s not just disappearing, it’s helping a LOT.

But we have a hole in the chimney to patch, two windows to repair, a toilet and shower to repair, and a bunch of shrubs to be removed and hauled off before they damage the house or plumbing, as well as needing a new floor in the living room.  I’m going to have to fundraise for that last one separately, but those first few things are on our urgent list, and once bills and food are taken care of, that’s where a lot of money will be going.  We’re also hemorrhaging cash because I haven’t been able to cook so we’ve been eating out a lot.  I feel horrible about that, but that’s the reality of being seriously ill.  You need other people to cook for you.

So basically, we are asking for help.  Again.

I have made a wishlist for pet needs.  I have tried to mark everything with priority, a comment about who/what it is for, and quantity needed. The main things we need right now are the tarps and pads to go over the concrete floor in the gross corner until it can be re-tiled and sealed.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/3H2OPUI3KDEI7/ref=cm_wl_huc_view

There is also a household needs wishlist with a few things on there I really really need for pony hair, as well as some gift card stuff that will give me art supply money.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/13ZHZLC0GE8YA/ref=cm_wl_huc_view

Amazon is evil, yeah, so if you aren't comfortable using them for expediency's sake, contact me privately and we can arrange something.

I will try to thank everyone, even through the fog I’ve been in! But sometimes even if you tell them to, they don’t put the slips with the notes in!  So it’s fine to contact me, and ask if I got something okay.

Paypal money goes to the following: paying down Care Credit (STILL over $2,500, or $160 a month, which HURTS), food for the cats, food for us, household necessities, paying for the monthly vet plans.

I take Paypal at naamah@gmail.com.

Thank you all for all your help.  Here is a picture of Fancy watching Paul Dinning’s birds for cats YouTube channel.

She LOVES it. Please ignore the cotton swab. She likes to chase those because she’s a horrible goblin.

[rkived]

━ CHASING PAVEMENTS 03 | JJK

↳ PAIRING: dad!jk/married!jk/bff!jk x reader 

↳ GENRE/TAGS: f2l, angst, unrequited feelings, cheating, future smut

↳ WARNINGS: (for this chapter) time jumps, mention of divorce, blood mention ((but like nothing serious)), forced kisses, just sad stuff like this is sad guys lol

↳ WORD COUNT: 8.6k

↳ EXCERPT: ‘‘Jungkook doesn’t want to think this is the end, maybe it’s that stupid voice inside his head that always holds on to things that he knows he should let go of. But he can’t just let go of this and move on. He doesn’t remember what life was like before you and he sure as hell does not want to know what it’ll be like without you.’’

↳ A/N: getting this chapter out has been ((a pain in the ass)) tough !! & cp was supposed to end with this chapter but that was not realistic at all lmao but i do hope u like this n i’ll try to get pt4 quickly as possible <3 thx

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 

‘‘Okay everyone, let’s switch to the upward facing dog!’’

You really don’t want to be here. There’s a lot of stuff running through your head right now that are more important than focusing on yoga positions. You wish you were thinking about grocery shopping or paying that month’s bills. 

Instead, you’re still stuck on the downward facing dog as your mind tells you you’re an idiot, a homewrecker and most importantly, a terrible friend. 

‘‘Y/N, upward facing dog!’’ The instructor, Namjoon, reminds you with a gentle smile as he notices you haven’t switched positions like the rest of the class. You nod and smoothly place your body as he had taught in the classes before.

The only reason why you came to your Saturday morning yoga class was because even with all that happened last night, you wanted to feel a sense of normality. Like you’re capable of going on about your life like nothing had happened.

That’s selfish and stupid because as much as you tried, every single moment since you woke up revolved around last night.

From the moment you opened your eyes, noticing Sunhi wasn’t sleeping next to you, snuggled into your chest like you had last remembered her to be before she fell asleep and you following soon after. 

And as your heart beat faster at the thought of finding her in her dad’s arms instead, watching Saturday morning cartoons on the T.V in your living room; you instead found the place neat and tidy. The messy pillows on your couch where placed like they hadn’t even been moved to begin with, like no one besides you had been in the apartment the night before. 

Somehow he managed to do all of this without you even noticing. You wondered at what time he woke up, cleaned up, took Sunhi without making any fuss and left, all before your 7 AM alarm could wake you up.

He even made you breakfast too. Some eggs, bacon and toast. 

‘‘Y/N, your legs are touching the mat.’’ Namjoon notes as he stands in front of you, ‘‘Let’s focus, okay?’’

You nod once again, though this time a little more embarrassed. If only you could explain to your instructor why you’re so distracted. 

No messages either. No text explaining why he had to leave so early. No sticky note placed on your fridge door about how he made you breakfast. No slight shake to your sleeping body to let you know that he’d be taking Sunhi. Nothing. 

Would’ve you liked that, though? 

You could say yes because he’s your friend and it’s only fair since you took care of his daughter the night before. 

But it’s not right, because friends don’t kiss each other, let alone the way you had let him kiss you and touch you while his daughter slept in your room and his wife waited for both of them at home.

There was a war going on inside you between your brain and your heart. 

Your heart, being a weak ass bitch, was telling you about how exciting everything was. How nice it felt to have Jungkook tell you that he wanted to be with you, that he no longer felt happy with his wife, how perfectly his lips encaptured your own and how you could still feel them on you. 

But your brain, obviously being the logical one between the two, reminded you about how wrong it was. You had never wanted to be placed in a position of being ‘‘the other woman’’. That even though you might not like Jiwoo and had spent years hoping your friend would someday wake up and realize this too, this didn’t feel right. 

‘‘Alright, let’s drink some water now.’’ Namjoon announces, clasping his hands together and showing off that dimple that most ─if not all─ of the students went heart eyes over. 

You take the time to check your phone instead, you don’t need the water because you didn’t do shit anyway. There’s no text from Minji, who you’re scared will somehow, by the grace of everything that’s holy, find out about what you did. No text from Jungkook either and you’re wondering why he hasn’t bothered to send one. 

Instead, there’s a text from Taehyung and you mutter a curse. 

[8:34 AM] Taehyung: hey y/n! i’m sure you’re in your yoga class rn but i wanted to see if maybe you’d be up for lunch at my place? i’ll try and cook something nice :) 

Ah, of course that throughout all of this you forgot about Taehyung. 

The sweet guy who had stuck around only for you to pay him back by kissing your best friend, the one Taehyung had to pretend wasn’t bothered by his interruption that night a few weeks ago. 

God, you do have a way to fuck things up for yourself. 

You don’t know how long you stood there thinking what to reply to him, but it definitely was for a few minutes because you only came back to reality once you heard your name being called once by the instructor.

‘‘Y/N,’’ Namjoon repeats and you look over at him with a puzzled look, ‘‘we’re starting again, if you’d like to join us.’’ There’s that smile again. Bless his patience, you wonder if he’s actually this calm because of yoga or he’s just really good at pretending. 

You look back down at your phone, the screen displaying a text that’s still waiting to be replied to. 

‘‘I uhm─I gotta go, sorry.’’ You quickly reply, making Namjoon look at you with wide eyes, but he makes no effort to stop you either. 

And as quickly as you can, you collect your belongings before you’re heading out the door without saying goodbye. 

Either you quit yoga altogether or just apologize to Namjoon like a grownup next Saturday. Whatever it is, you’re not thinking about what decision to make about your little extracurricular right now. 

There’s only so much you can handle at a time.

Jungkook is lucky that Jiwoo works Saturday mornings because with her away, he’s able to enter his house without having to sneak in. 

He opens the door wide, making way for him and a slightly awake Sunhi in his arms. He drops the keys on the counter without caring about the noise it makes. He doesn’t even have to pretend like he’s walking on glass, his boots are allowed to hit the wooden floor without a care in the world. 

The place doesn’t look much different from what he had left it like the day before. There’s only a dirty glass on the sink, a product of Jiwoo’s daily breakfast smoothies and since she’s always in a rush she never has time to clean it up. 

‘‘Are you still sleepy, pumpkin?’’ he quietly asks his daughter and she nods, he doesn’t blame her since he’s the one who woke her up at 6 AM. ‘‘Alright, I’ll take you to your bed,” he says, a kiss on her head following shortly after. 

He wonders if Jiwoo enjoyed herself last night. No daughter and no husband, sounds like an ideal night for her. It’s not like she was worried about their whereabouts either, considering she hadn’t even bothered to text him wondering why they hadn’t come home. 

If Jungkook’s supposed to feel guilty, he isn’t. 

He’s heard stories before about how there’s a voice in your head constantly reminding you about what you did and how wrong it is. That he’ll be unable to sleep knowing he cheated on his wife while she lies next to him. That he won’t be able to look at her again without feeling remorse all over him.

And when Jiwoo returns home at noon, there’s none of that at all. He offers her a nod of acknowledgement once she enters the living room to find him sitting with his laptop, watching through old videos that he took years back. 

She puts her index finger up, telling him to give her a minute. She’s on a phone call with a friend of hers that Jungkook can only conclude is Hyeri, who he probably met at some point but can’t remember what her face looked like. 

‘‘I know! Like, why do you have to be such a bitch about it? We get that you’re sucking the boss’s dick in private, so you might as well─’’

Jiwoo’s voice is too distracting and so, Jungkook places his earphones in to hear what this video’s audio is about. Once he does, he hits play and the audio is loud enough to drown out Jiwoo’s whining. 

‘‘Guess who came to see you, Pumpkin?’’ 

Jungkook gasps as he remembers this was part of a series of videos he was supposed to show Sunhi once she was old enough to understand them. He recorded a few until he was drowning in work to even grab his camera again. It saddens him that he wasn’t able to continue.

He decides he’ll show them to her later because right now Sunhi is too busy playing with her dolls inside her room to even pay attention to him.

‘‘It’s auntie Y/N! And she came bearing gifts,’’ Jungkook smiles, switching the focus on you ‘‘is that a Fisher Price Taco Tuesday toy set that I see?’’ he wonders in a fake curious tone as you look at him with narrowed eyes ‘‘I wonder how she knew you wanted that, Sunhi. It’s not like your dad had it on his Amazon wishlist or anything.’’

‘‘Very funny.’’ You mumble, handing him the toys so you could go ahead and grab a tiny three-month-old Sunhi from the bed ‘‘Aren’t you the cutest little bean in this entire world? Aren’t you?’’ you coo at the little girl, who looks at you with wide eyes and you’re forced to blink a couple of times because she looks just like him. 

‘‘Of course she is, she’s my spitting image!’’ Jungkook confirms your thought as he grabs Sunhi’s cheek gently with his fingers and squeezes, making the baby giggle.

You side-eye him and then focus your attention back on the baby in your hands, ‘‘No, you’re not, Sunhi. Your daddy is not cute at all.’’ 

‘‘You’re gonna make me put this camera down and have a discussion about this.’’ 

Jungkook chuckles at the footage, noticing how he made you smile because of his comment. The video isn’t long, it’s mostly you cooing to a then tiny Sunhi, giggling at the way you would nuzzle your nose into her belly as Jungkook laughed behind the camera. 

‘‘Jungkook, look at her!’’ You practically squeal as Sunhi grabs your thumb with her little hand ‘‘Oh my gosh, I think I’m gonna cry.’’ 

He laughs as he does a close-up of his daughter holding on to your finger, until he hears the little sniffle you let out and the camera is now focused on you silently wiping a tear away. 

‘‘Wait, you’re actually crying?’’ Jungkook asks in disbelief and you turn to look at him to find the lens focused on you ‘‘Sunhi, you’re Auntie Y/N loves you so much that she’s crying! How cute.’’ 

‘‘You’re so dumb, seriously.’’ you mumble with a frown, going back to gawking at the baby still holding on to your thumb. 

Jungkook sighs, ‘‘I’m gonna have to bleep that out, y’know?’’

You laugh and shrug your shoulders, caressing Sunhi’s stomach. Jungkook whispers ‘cute’, so soft that you’re unable to hear it.

Once it ends, Jungkook is able to see his smiling face as it reflects on the black screen and it’s only then he realized he’d been grinning the whole time. Now his ears are filled with Jiwoo talking over the phone and his smile goes back to a straight line. 

Jungkook closes the video and clicks on the next one, hoping that it’s one that involves you as well. He’s unable to press play because Jiwoo is suddenly standing in front of him, arms crossed and she’s no longer talking on her phone. 

‘‘Yes?’’ He asks, removing an earbud to show her she has his full attention.

‘‘So, where were you last night?’’ 

Jungkook’s slightly surprised that she cares. He tends to forget there’s still some humanity left in her after all, ‘‘At Y/N’s.’’ he answers with a shrug, eyes going back to stare at the screen of his laptop. 

Jiwoo scoffs and he’s forced to look at her again, eyebrow slightly raised. He hopes she doesn’t start because it’s too early and it’s a Saturday. But Jiwoo doesn’t like taking breaks like he does.

‘‘I thought you said that she wasn’t going to be able to take care of Sunhi on Fridays.’’ There’s bitterness in her tone, ‘‘so, what were you doing there?’’ 

Jungkook understands where Jiwoo’s curiosity comes from, but it’s strange. She’s never been the type to ask where he’s been, what he’s doing with Sunhi while she’s not around ─which is practically all the time─ and doesn’t care for your business either. 

‘‘I just stopped by.’’ Jungkook mutters, stroking the nape of his neck in an attempt to not seem suspicious, ‘‘We hung out and Sunhi fell asleep, she didn’t wanna come back home.’’ 

And that’s true, Jiwoo narrows her eyes at him as if she’s debating whether or not to believe him and the excuse of their sleeping daughter. She doesn’t know Sunhi that well to conclude if it’s possible or not. 

‘‘And what, did you all three sleep together in the same bed? Playing family, maybe?’’ 

Jungkook looks at her in disbelief. This is a first. 

‘‘What?’’ Is all he’s able to muster because he’s genuinely shocked at her accusation. 

Jiwoo rolls her eyes, ‘‘Oh, please. Like I’m going to buy that hanging out bullshit.’’ Jungkook looks like a deer stuck in headlights and she chuckles, ‘‘Is what I give to you not enough?’’ 

‘‘I─what are you on about?’’ 

He figures this is her picking a fight because he wasn’t around yesterday to attend her needs like he usually does every Friday night. But Jungkook’s mind is quick to remind him of what he did and it’d be really ironic if he denies Jiwoo’s accusations, that for the first time are actually true. 

‘‘I carried around that girl for nine months, ruined my body because of her, all for you to pick someone else over me?’’ Jiwoo’s voice is raised a little higher and Jungkook can’t help but look over at Sunhi’s bedroom door and hope his daughter is not listening to anything coming from the living room. ‘‘I knew I should’ve never trusted her, I always knew your friendship with her was fucking weird.’’

Jungkook doesn’t want to raise his voice either. It’s not going to get them anywhere. But he can’t stand the way she’s speaking about his daughter and you, she’s never crossed those boundaries before. 

‘‘Are you insane? How can you talk about your daughter like she’s nothing?’’ Jungkook spats out, ‘‘I’ve always been thankful for what you did, I know the shit you went through to bring her into this world.’’ 

But Jiwoo doesn’t care about how loud she’s being, ‘‘You’re so thankful you pay me back by fucking your best friend? While I’m alone over here waiting for you to come back?’’

Jungkook has to take a deep breath and close his eyes for a second, before he loses it. 

He clears his throat, ‘‘Jiwoo, I have always chosen you. Always. I did back when I was a sophomore, I did it when I asked you to marry me, and I did it when I chose you to be the mother of my children. So, I don’t know what─’’

‘‘I don’t give a flying fuck if you chose me! I was supposed to be all of that either way, Jungkook.’’ She interjects.

Was she, though? Of course, she was his girlfriend then. It would make sense that she’d be the one to end up marrying him, having his kids and living the happy life everyone guaranteed he’d live alongside her. 

But he hasn’t been thinking about the choices he ended up taking back then. Instead, he’s been wondering about the ‘what if’s and Jiwoo isn’t in any of them. 

Jungkook’s been daydreaming for months now about how different his life would’ve turned out if he had never asked the pretty girl in his class all those years back and instead had focused his attention somewhere else. Or someone else.. 

‘‘Are you going to answer me?’’ Jiwoo’s stern voice brings him back to the reality he hates, ‘‘Were you going to pick me or was I a second choice?’’ She slowly asks, giving him an opportunity to digest every single word she spoke. 

‘‘You weren’t a second choice,’’ he mumbles and his gaze has faltered and instead focused back on the screen of his laptop. Clicking on a video randomly, trying to distract himself from the situation at hand. Hoping that whatever he says is enough for Jiwoo to leave him alone. 

It doesn’t help that the video automatically plays and it’s you on the first frame, a big smile as you hold Sunhi towards the camera, making her wiggle in your arms. 

What if. 

‘‘Show me that you love me, then.’’

The video still plays as Jungkook looks back at Jiwoo standing right in front of him, her arms are still crossed, but the look on her face is different. Her brows are no longer furrowed and Jungkook might be wrong, but he thinks her eyes look glossy. 

He doesn’t act quickly enough and she takes the laptop from him, closing it before she can even notice what is it that has garnered his attention. Jiwoo straddles his lap and he jumps slightly at the action, placing her arms around his neck as she looks at him with innocent eyes. 

If he didn’t know her, he would’ve believed them. 

‘‘Jiwoo, let’s not─’’ 

‘‘I missed you yesterday,’’ she interjects in a whisper ‘‘show me that you love me right now.’’ 

Her lips latch onto his neck, biting and sucking on the skin as he tries to wriggle himself out of her hold, but her hands push at his chest so he can stay still. 

‘‘C’mon,’’ she mumbles ‘‘show me.’’ She’s pleading by then.

He feels nothing. There’s no electricity in Jiwoo’s kisses. No tingles on his back, no goosebumps on his skin, no fireworks going off. If anything, everytime her lips meet his skin it feels bitter, like they don’t belong there at all. 

‘‘Daddy, come please!’’ The muffled voice of Sunhi inside her room interrupts the one-sided moment and Jungkook is silently thanking her. 

Jiwoo doesn’t make an effort to move as she keeps kissing on all the exposed skin he has to offer. Jungkook sighs in frustration as he forces her off him, making her land beside him with an astonished expression.

Her hands tighten into fists as she looks at him like he’s gone insane, ‘‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’’ She asks in disbelief.

Jungkook blinks, ‘‘Did you─?’’ He gestures with his finger over to his daughter’s room, ‘‘Sunhi is calling me.’’ 

His wife scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest again, ‘‘Of course, you always go running when it comes to her.’’ 

Contrary to his belief, there is no humanity left in Jiwoo at all. She’s just really good at pretending like she cares so she can get her way. This is the last time Jungkook falls for this trick.

Jungkook opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He repeats this action a few times, to stammer something out. Anything. But there’s nothing besides the expecting silence of his wife as she chuckles incredulously. Jungkook ignores this and turns around, a second away from opening Sunhi’s bedroom door─

‘‘You’re a waste of a husband.’’ Jiwoo sneered. 

His hand drops from the door handle and he sighs, taking a deep breath in and out.

He looks back at her, ‘‘You know what, Jiwoo? I wasn’t lying when I said you weren’t my second choice.’’ he informs and her eyebrow raises up ‘‘But you aren’t my first choice now either.’’

Jiwoo scowls and heaves in anger, ready to let hell loose on him ‘‘I knew that who─’’

‘‘It’s Sunhi,’’ he states and Jiwoo closes her mouth before she can even finish her sentence. ‘‘Ever since I knew you were pregnant with her, she’s been at the top of my list and she’ll always be there. I don’t care what you do or say to me, I really don’t. You don’t love me, Jiwoo.’’

At the accusation, her eyes soften and she’s standing up to argue that it’s not true, but Jungkook raises his hand in a motion to stop her. 

‘‘You don’t love me and I don’t love you.’’ 

Jungkook expected her to start yelling at him like she usually did, but Jiwoo’s rendered speechless on her spot as she stares at him, blinking rapidly. 

‘‘I don’t love you,’’ he repeats ‘‘and I haven’t loved you for a while now. I don’t remember the last time my heart raced up when I saw you or when I stopped enjoying kissing you. And I’m sorry, because I should’ve told you instead of pretending like I did.’’ 

Jiwoo’s motionless as she takes all of his words in. 

‘‘But I did it for her because I didn’t want her to hate me if you ever left. But that was a dumb idea because you don’t care about Sunhi. And frankly, I doubt she cares about you either. She never speaks about you, never asks about you, she’s used to you not being here even if you sort of are.’’ 

Jungkook places his hand over the doorknob once again and Jiwoo grimaces.

‘‘I should’ve never begged you to come back. I should’ve thought about what you wanted and it’s always been clear to me what that is,’’ Jungkook swallows the knot he feels in his throat ‘‘and it’s never been Sunhi or me.’’

‘‘Jungkook.’’

He thinks she’s about to tell him how sorry she is. That she’ll recognize how heartless she’s been and how she not only failed him, but failed their daughter too. Maybe beg for a final try at their relationship as she promises she’ll change this time. 

Jungkook hums and spares her one last glance.

Jiwoo has a stoic expression on her face and she speaks under her breath, but clear enough for him to hear, ‘‘Sign the papers when you get them.’’

You expect Minji to just jump at you any minute now because if looks could kill, you’d be dead already. Maybe you should’ve pretended like you weren’t home and let Minji knock on your door until she’d give up, but even you knew better than that. 

It was better to face her now than to deal with her accumulated wrath later.

‘‘When were you going to tell me?’’ She suddenly asks and it takes you by surprise because it had been way too silent since you had let her in.

Minji works like a predator, she attacks when you least expect it and right now you definitely feel like you’re about to be eaten. 

‘‘I─uh…’’ 

She sighs and you can see the disappointment in her face, ‘‘Were you going to tell me at all?’’ 

You nod instead, not trusting yourself enough to speak at the moment. 

It had been a week since the event in your living room and it makes you shift uncomfortably in your chair as you stare at your friend, who’s sitting on the couch where everything went down. 

‘‘Then why did I have to find out through Taehyung?’’ She asks in a disappointed tone. 

You figured he’d tell her. It’s not like you asked him not to do so, but you had silently prayed that the universe was on your side on this one and by some unknown reason they wouldn’t bump into each other at work and Minji, like she usually did, wouldn’t ask him about you. Because if she did, then he’d have to explain how you had broken the news that you had made out with your best friend; the one Minji despised with her soul. 

A sigh escapes your lips as you lower your head with shame.

You were supposed to tell her, but every time you took your phone and tried to dial or text her, your nerves got the best of you and ended up chickening out, promising that you’d do it the next day. Then the next day. And the next day. 

It’s not like you’re scared of Minji─well, maybe only slightly. But you know the effort she put into getting you to go out and meet someone new, someone that’s not married and not a father. She’s known Taehyung for so long, probably even told him how much of a good girl you were to convince him to take you out, only for you to end up throwing all of that in the trash like it was nothing. 

Minji’s also spent years pushing you to move on from your friendship with Jungkook. Not just because she doesn’t like him, but because she’s always felt like he’s held you back while he’s made his way in life. You’ve stuck behind him making sure that he’s okay and happy, forgetting about yourself in the process. 

‘‘I’m not angry at you,’’ she speaks softly, making you look up at her with surprise. ‘‘I just─He gave you a second chance, Y/N. Why did you say no?’’ Her words are laced with curiosity and you know that she’s asking because even Taehyung wasn’t able to give her an answer to this question. 

Your bottom lip trembles and you’re trying your hardest not to burst into tears in front of him. You can’t and you won’t. How even dare you to do that? 

‘‘I’m sorry,’’ you whisper and your eyes shift down to the wooden floor of his apartment. ‘‘I’m sorry, Taehyung.’’ You repeat, knowing it’s not enough.

Taehyung gulps and his crossed arms quickly fall to his sides as he realizes that, whatever anger he felt when you told him about what you did, was no longer there the moment he saw how genuinely apologetic you looked. 

‘‘I’m an idiot, I know.’’ You continue, rubbing your clammy hands into the material of your leggings and it does nothing to dry them. ‘‘I’m sorry, Taehyung.’’

He knows he shouldn't be so easily swayed by your apology, but he can’t help but want to cradle you in his arms. And when he does, your eyebrows raise in surprise as you gasp because you weren’t expecting this. 

You expected anger, insults thrown out about how you’re a slut and being kicked out of his apartment with him telling you to never contact him again. 

Taehyung’s still sweet even when his heart is getting broken. 

‘‘It’s okay,’’ he whispers into your hair as one of his hands runs up and down your back ‘‘we can work this out, yeah?’’ 

You bite the tip of your tongue as you take his words in, feeling your heart speeding up even faster than what it was when you spilled everything out on him. Maybe you would’ve preferred him getting angry than his current reaction.

‘‘It’s not like we were exclusive, right?’’ Taehyung chuckles, but it feels like he’s convincing himself that that was the reason as to why it happened. ‘‘Let’s forget it, seriously.’’

A shaky sigh comes out of your mouth as your arms, that hadn’t reciprocated his hug, gain the strength to separate yourself from him. He looks taken aback, but he’s waiting for you to reply in agreement because, yes, you could work this out if you try hard enough. 

But that’s not realistic. Pretending like you never kissed Jungkook is not realistic at all, because it’s sad to admit that you won’t be able to kiss Taehyung again without thinking about your best friend in the back of your head as you’re reminded that not only did you let him kiss you, but you reciprocated and not only did you reciprocate, but you liked it a little too much. 

‘‘Y/N,’’ he speaks up, snapping you from your thoughts,‘‘please, let’s just try.’’ He silently asks─no, begs. 

The barking of his dog, Yeontan, startles you as you come to stare at the little dog at the feet of his owner, who at the moment isn’t interested to see what he wants. You never told Taehyung, but the teacup pomeranian was extremely overprotective of him. 

He’s barking at you like you’re hurting his owner and maybe you aren’t physically doing any damage, but you know that you’re about to break his heart all over again.

‘‘I-I…,’’ you blink as you try to focus on the man in front of you and not the dog on the ground, ‘‘I’m sorry, I can’t.’’ 

Yeontan’s barks increase and Taehyung is at a loss for words to beg you to stay and talk things through. You can still hear the dog’s incessant barking as you make your way down the hall and that’s when the tears you were holding finally fall down. 

‘‘Taehyung’s a nice guy, Y/N. He forgave you and you just left?’’ Minji asks, disbelief in her tone. ‘‘I thought you liked him.’’

‘‘I do!’’ You finally speak up. You’re sure of it, you like Taehyung. Your friend gives you a puzzled look because she really can’t understand you right now. ‘‘I like Taehyung, I really do,’’ you mutter, ‘‘but it’s not fair to him.’’ 

Minji scrunches her face up because there’s only one reason you’re thinking that way. She’s tired of this narrative, it’s old and overdone and it should’ve ended years ago.

She lets out a breathless chuckle, ‘‘You love him, don’t you?’’ Another question that takes you by surprise.

‘‘No, I just─’’

Minji holds her finger up, interrupting you, ‘‘I’m talking about Jungkook.’’ 

This is the attack. Not the other questions she had asked you regarding her old family friend. Not the unannounced arrival to your apartment on an uneventful Saturday morning where you had chosen to stay in bed instead of facing the peaceful yoga instructor. Not the glaring looks she had been giving you for the last minutes.

And if you weren’t ready for any of those, this one definitely takes the prize. 

‘‘I-I of course I love him,’’ you mumble, ‘‘he’s my friend.’’

Minji smirks as her eyebrows raise, ‘‘No, I’m asking if you’re in love him.’’ 

You’re sure that the feelings that you’ve had for Jungkook have always been platonic. You do love him because he’s your friend and you’re supposed to love your friends. But you know that the love that you have for him is very different from the one you have for anyone else. It might be the history between you two. You’ve been with him through it all, cheering from the sidelines as he accomplishes one milestone after the other. 

‘‘Be honest with me,’’ Minji demands, ‘‘are you in love with Jungkook?’’ she asks once again.

Your eyes well up and your bottom lip is trembling as you look back at your intimidating best friend because your silence is deafening and you’re expecting her to throw the last blow. You think you deserve it. Minji has so much she wants to say, but you look so dejected and she figures that you might’ve just realized it. 

‘‘Hey, it’s okay.’’ She comes up to you quickly, crouching down as she looks up at the tears rolling down your reddened cheeks. ‘‘Y/N, it’s okay.’’ 

You’ve been trying to tell yourself the same thing the past few days. 

It’s okay that you kissed your best friend. It’s okay that you’ve slowly and silently started harbouring feelings for him. It’s okay that you just realized you’ve been in love with him for a while now. It’s okay that you’ve been resenting the fact that he didn’t choose you all those years ago. It’s okay that you take care of and love his daughter like she’s yours. 

But...

‘‘No, it’s not.’’ You cry, ‘‘I can’t do that, Minji, he’s not mine to have.’’ 

Your mind quickly brings you back to the harsh reality, which is that Jungkook will never be yours. He probably only kissed you because he was looking for something that was capable of exciting him again after realizing how bored of his marriage he is. He doesn’t love you like that, he’ll never love you like that.

Minji can’t disagree with what you just said, but she also feels like right now is not the time to make you feel even worse when it’s obvious you’re already there. 

‘‘I blocked his number, anyway.’’ You mumble out, wiping away your tears. 

Your friend’s eyes widened at the revelation, ‘‘What?’’. 

‘‘I freaked out after I talked to Taehyung because I felt so guilty and you know how I don’t know how to deal with shit ever, so I just─’’ You stop yourself from rambling and sigh as you feel Minji’s hand squeezing your knee as a sign of comfort, ‘‘I can’t see him again without thinking about it. I can’t take care of Sunhi knowing he’s going home to sleep with Jiwoo. I just can’t keep pretending anymore.’’ 

Minji can’t do much after that, you’ve become a sobbing mess and the tears seem unstoppable. She’s never seen you like this and it dawns on her that you’ve held all of this in for way too long. 

It’s ironic because she’s always told you that you need space from Jungkook, thinking it’d be good for you to finally realize that you’re not part of his list of priorities anymore and hadn’t been for a long time. 

But she hadn’t taken into account what the after effects of not having him in your life anymore would look like.

[12:03 PM] Jeon Jungkook: hi y/n 

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[12:04 PM] Jeon Jungkook: hey???

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[12:07 PM] Jeon Jungkook: i wanted to see if you’d like to meet up for lunch one of these days? i feel like we need to talk 

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[5:13 PM] Jeon Jungkook: does this work now??

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Jungkook groans in annoyance as he finds another one of his texts left undelivered. It feels like life is either against him or doing this for his own good. 

Nonetheless, he wants to talk to you because it’s been a few days since he last saw and heard from you. He figures you’re mad, the last words you spoke to him didn’t sound friendly at all and he wonders if maybe leaving without saying goodbye that day was the right thing to do. 

The small snores coming from beside him make him realize Sunhi is finally asleep and he can’t help but let out a sigh of disappointment as he watches her curl into a fetal like position, clutching her Dumbo plush toy and slightly drooling into his favorite pillow, making him pout because he knows he won’t be able to pry it away from her when he decides to fall asleep too. 

Sunhi being fast asleep is supposed to bring peace to Jungkook’s tiring day, though the silence is extremely uncomfortable and these days he’s come to realize how much he rather have his daughter running around and yelling in excitement than this.

Complete and utter silence.

[7:13 PM] Jeon Jungkook: (1.jpg attached) sunhi misses auntie y/n!! she’s been asking me about you a lot 

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[7:15 PM] Jeon Jungkook: i miss auntie y/n more tho…

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[7:17 PM] Jeon Jungkook: i hope ur alright :)

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‘‘Pumpkin, you can stop smiling already.’’ Jungkook chuckles as he looks up from his phone, noticing his daughter still holding the big smile he had given him when he requested to take a picture of her to send to you. ‘‘I already sent the picture to Auntie Y/N.’’ He informs and she sighs with relief, massaging her cheeks from straining them too hard.

Though his eyebrows furrow, noticing his messages have once again been left undelivered. He makes a mental note to call the phone company soon, because it’s been over a week since he last sent the first messages and those remained in the same state as well. 

‘‘Daddy, unpause!’’ Sunhi demands, making him realize that he’s in the middle of showing her his favorite Pixar movie, Cars. 

Twenty minutes had passed and for a majority of them Sunhi had only watched attentively and Jungkook looked over at her every other second just to make sure she hadn’t fallen asleep. Warmness spread throughout him as he noticed his daughter looking at the screen with those big doe eyes she had inherited from him. 

Once the scene where Sally shows Lightning McQueen around Radiator Springs, Jungkook feels a tug at his sweatshirt and looks down to notice Sunhi’s little hand grabbing at the fabric, her eyes are still glued to the screen.

“Auntie Y/N likes this too?” She asks and Jungkook chuckles because his daughter can’t stop thinking about his friend even when doing anything completely unrelated to you.

Maybe that’s another thing she inherited as well.

[7:03 PM] Jeon Jungkook: so i called my phone company and asked them abt why my messages aren’t being delivered and they said that you must’ve blocked me

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[7:04 PM] Jeon Jungkook: yeah i guess you did

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Jungkook’s mind has gone blank ever since he got off the phone with the cellphone company. 

The idea that you might’ve blocked his number had not once crossed his mind during the weeks of undelivered texts and phone calls sent straight to voicemail. It was obvious, but he didn’t think you’d be capable of doing it. 

He wanted it to be a network issue or something else that he could put blame on instead of facing the realization that you had shut him out from your life. And that thought hurt, no─stung him. 

The worst part is that he knows he deserves it. It was foolish of him to think that you had enjoyed the kiss too. Dumb enough to believe that you might’ve reciprocated the way he felt. 

Jungkook doesn’t want to think this is the end, maybe it’s that stupid voice inside his head that always holds on to things that he knows he should let go of. But he can’t just let go of this and move on. 

He doesn’t remember what life was like before you and he sure as hell does not want to know what it’ll be like without you.

[1:30 AM] Jeon Jungkook: i miss you so fucking much i’m sorry if i knew that kissing you would’ve fucked everything up htne i woudl’ve never done it y/n i’m sorry 

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[1:31 AM] Jeon Jungkook: i really wanted to kiss you but it was selfish of me to do it i didnt think about what you must’ve felt im sos sorry 

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[1:32 AM] Jeon Jungkook: sunhi’s been asking me about yoj and i dont even know what to say anymore

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[2:27 AM] Jeon Jungkook: i don’t even care if you dont wanna speak to me anymore i fucked this up for sunhi she loves you so much and you’re her favorite person ever and i ruined it for her just bc i wanted to see if you felt the same way as i do

{Error: Undelivered!}

[3:50 AM] Jeon Jungkook: i miss you y/n i really do 

{Error: Undelivered!} 

“Daddy, lemme go!” Sunhi whines trying to escape from her father’s hands as he finishes applying the sunscreen on her arms, “Daddy!”.

He gives her a stern look and the toddler huffs, sticking her bottom lip out in an act of annoyance. The playground games are waiting for her and she feels like her dad is just coming between them and her.

“Alright,” he pats his big hands on her tiny arms, “you’re good to—“ Jungkook isn’t able to finish his sentence because his daughter’s already running towards one of the slides, “Sunhi, be careful!” He reminds her, but she’s too focused on the rides than on her dad’s warning.

Jungkook sighs and relaxes into the bench. 

“She’s precious,” She comments with a small smile as her attention focuses on the little girl having the time of her life going down the slide, “I’m surprised she’s yours.” 

Jungkook looks over at the woman beside him and scoffs, but he can’t help but agree. Sunhi is too good and too pure, the best thing he’s ever done in his life. 

“Yeah, well, it’s all her.” Jungkook admits, eyes focusing back on Sunhi, “She’s really great.” 

There’s an uncomfortable silence between them and Jungkook has to clear his throat to gain her attention. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t meet up at a café,” Jungkook apologizes and nods over at his daughter, “she’s been a little misbehaved lately, you said you wanted to talk to me and I figured that if I took Sunhi to a place like that she’d just—“

She interrupts his rambling, “Hey, it’s okay. I have no problem, really.” She assures him and he nods slightly, “I haven’t been in a place like this in a long time.” 

Jungkook scratches the back of his neck and glances over at the woman who’s looking at him with an expression he can’t quite pinpoint. It makes him so nervous that he quickly shifts his gaze to the ground.

“This is so weird.” He admits with an awkward chuckle and she raises her eyebrow, “I mean—you hate me, Minji, so I don’t know what you want to talk about.” 

“I don’t hate you!” Minji laughs and Jungkook finally looks at her and she falters, “Seriously! I only dislike you and that’s saying a lot.” 

He supposes that’s a good thing, considering how aggressive Minji used to be towards him back in college. Always letting him know how much she despised his guts, how he didn’t deserve to have you as his friend and even once threw a drink at his face during a party; though you swore to him she was drunk and that she didn’t mean it.

Jungkook hadn’t seen her much since, only a few times if it was your birthday and they managed to cross paths, because the girl made sure she was never in the same room as him. The times it happened, he felt like she was throwing daggers at him through her eyes. 

“It always bothered me how putty in your hands she was for you,” Minji begins, crossing her arms over her chest as she settles back into the bench, “and how oblivious you were about it.” 

Jungkook looks back at her and there’s a small smile on her face, most likely looking over at his daughter. 

“How when we got together for study sessions, she’d be tired because she was taking care of you the night before at one of those stupid frat parties you loved dragging her to.” Minji recalls and Jungkook feels like his mouth has gone dry from the memory.

She crosses one of her legs over the other, “Or that whole Jiwoo ordeal, how you had practically put Y/N aside once you managed to date the ‘campus hottie’.” She says with air quotes and Jungkook sighs, remembering the beginning of it all.

He knows that he can’t turn back time and change it all. Even if he could, he knows he wouldn’t. If there was no Jiwoo, there’d be no Sunhi. 

An excited yell startles him as he looks over at his daughter, swinging up and down. “Look, daddy! I'm flying!” She calls and he smiles at her. 

“Jesus, that’s fucking precious.” Minji mumbles, but he hears her nonetheless and nods in agreement. “Anyway, I’m not going to act like a saint here and pretend I was vouching for you, because I never did.” 

Jungkook knows. Back then he didn’t understand why Minji was so adamant about trash talking him to you, considering how he and her barely knew each other. Actually, whatever knowledge they had of the other was through of you. 

But Jungkook’s done a lot of self reflecting for the past month and a half and he’s realized why Minji disliked him so much. Or, dislikes. Either way, it’s valid.

“I just wanted her to snap out of it,” she confesses, “and realize that there is a life beyond you. That there’s more than being your best friend and your daughter’s babysitter. That she’s capable of moving on and putting you aside, because if you did that to her then why shouldn’t she?” 

Jungkook hadn’t thought about any of that at all. He had realized he had been a shitty friend, but the idea of just how much definitely hadn’t settled on him. He wishes you knew how much he’s cared about you, but that there were too many overlapping lines for him to ever express it.

“I thought that after setting her up with Taehyung she had finally realized it,” she continues “but you know how she is, she rarely lets up and I knew she wasn’t going to let you go that easily.” 

Jungkook draws in a long breath, rubbing his now clammy hands in his jeans as he looks back towards Minji. 

“I mean, she couldn’t let her go that easily.” She jerks her head towards Sunhi, still sitting on the swings, though she’s slowed down now. “She loves that little girl so damn much.” 

Jungkook’s sure of this. He recognizes the immense love you have for Sunhi, how sincere and unconditional it is. It’s the way a mother loves her child, though he never expected it to come from you instead. He’s not surprised though, because it’s the same love you gave to him. But it’s louder, there are no boundaries that you needed to respect to show Sunhi just how much you loved her, unlike with him. 

It dawns on him that cutting him off must’ve been hard. You probably wanted to do it for way longer and only stayed because of Sunhi and Jungkook doesn’t want to think about the dilemma you must’ve went through to finally do it this time around. 

He runs his hands through his hair, letting out a shaky breath, remembering that Sunhi doesn’t have you anymore. That’s the reason as to why she’s been so misbehaved lately, crying way too often, throwing tantrums over the smallest of things. Jungkook could blame it on the fact that she’s soon turning four and maybe it’s something that comes with age, it might just be a coincidence that she’s acting this way during a time you’re no longer present in her life.

This is the thing Sunhi might not be able to forgive him for.

“Minji,” he finally speaks up and the woman beside him focuses his gaze back on him, “I miss her so much.” He mumbles, not trusting himself to speak up because he might choke back a sob.

“Only now?” 

“No!” He says this a little too harshly and Minji jumps slightly at the tone in his voice, “I’ve always missed her and I’m fucking idiot for realizing too late.” 

She hums and Jungkook’s chest rises and falls with rapid breaths, “She’s my first thought when I wake up and when I finally manage to go to sleep. Sunhi constantly reminds me about her, asking me where she is and when can she see her and I have to force myself to lie.” 

Jungkook doesn’t realize Minji’s hand is now awkwardly placed on his back, hesitantly tapping as if to give him some comfort. It’s weird to see him like this, she had convinced herself that the guy didn’t have any feelings when it came to you.

“She blocked my number, I can’t call her and all my texts have been left undelivered. I’ve driven by her apartment building too many times with the plan to go up and talk to her, but I always back out because I’m an idiot and I know she’ll hate me if I do that and I—“

“Jungkook.” 

“I just want to know if she still cares, I don’t mind if she doesn’t feel the same way. But I want to know that Y/N still cares about Sunhi and me. Do you know? Does she? Could you please—“

Jungkook’s ramble is interrupted by the crying sounds of Sunhi, who’s now on the ground as she sobs and he quickly stands up to go straight towards her. He blinks away the tears that had formed in his eyes because there’s only room for one crying baby here.

“Pumpkin, what happened?” He asks in a soft voice, crouching down at her level and she’s pouting as she points at her bloody knee. “Did you fall down?” She nods and he sighs, picking her up as he takes her back to the bench where Minji waits with expectancy to check on the little girl.

Jungkook places Sunhi beside her and looks through his daughter’s bag for the emergency kit he carried around. He cleans the blood delicately with a gauze and alcohol, making the little girl wince and yelp out an ‘ouch!’ as she holds tightly to Minji’s thigh. 

“It’s okay, Pumpkin.” He reassures her with a smile, making his daughter nod because she trusts her dad, “It was an accident and accidents are part of growing up, right?” She nods again and Minji figures this isn’t a first for her.

Once the blood has been cleaned, Jungkook places a cute rainbow patterned bandaid on the wound in her knee. 

“There we go,” he announces and Sunhi lets out the breath she’d been holding, ‘‘all done! Are you good now?” 

“Yes,” Sunhi weakly replies, “daddy, I wanna go home.” 

Jungkook’s eyebrows raise in surprise, but the look on her face tells him that she’s probably still shaken by the accident and most likely wants to take a nap to forget about it.

He looks over at Minji with an apologetic look and she gives him half a smile, “Go, it’s alright.” 

Jungkook nods and takes Sunhi in his arms, which she gladly accepts and settles her head in the crook of his neck. Minji’s ready to leave, figuring there was no point in staying any longer.

“Minji, wait!” He stops her before she goes, making her turn around and offer him a curious look, “Sunhi’s birthday is in a few weeks and,” Jungkook reaches for something inside his daughter’s bag, “she really wants Y/N to be there.” He whispers, taking out a party invitation to hand over to Minji.

She smirks, looking at the personalized invitation for his daughter’s fourth birthday, “Just Sunhi?” She asks and he lets out a breathless laugh.

“Me too.” Jungkook adds and a small smile appears on his face as he says it. “Uh—thank you for talking to me, I know it must’ve been hard.” 

Minji swats her hand in the air, “It’s alright, just wanted to make sure how you and the kid were doing. It’s all she talks about anyway.” 

A gasp escapes his lips and he holds on to his daughter tighter as she nuzzles her face farther in. 

“I’ll give her the card, but—I can’t guarantee if she’ll go.” She warns and he nods, understanding.

Though he does not like the possible outcome, he settles down with the idea that you’ll notice how even though you both haven’t spoken towards each other in almost two months, he’s still thinking about you either way. Every day. 

[huihuiheart]

Real Deal - Changkyun

Nsfw/smut promt list: 23 just screams Monsta X Changkyun (female/gender neutral y/n) - anon

23. “I saw on your Amazon wishlist you wanted a dildo. You know I got a dick, right?”

Roommate! Changkyun x Gender Neutral! Reader

Warnings: Teasing, smug Changkyun, implied sex, mention of sex toys, Changkyun calls the reader doll.

Word Count: 397

“Why do you keep checking your phone like that? Something happening?” Changkyun asks from the other side of the couch watching as you put your phone down again with another huff.

“Not really, just looking at stuff on Amazon....I don’t get why things have to be so expensive sometimes.” You whine softly, huffing out a little pout as his response is laughter.

“Well that’s what happens when you’re looking at more not safe for work purchases doll, you gotta deal with the price.” Changkyun smirks at you and his words make you freeze. Wondering how on earth your roommate knew what kind of things you were looking at without it ever being mentioned.

“W-What are you talking about Kyun?” You almost manage to will away the full stutter in your voice, but not quite and it only makes him even more smug.

“I saw on your Amazon wishlist you wanted a dildo. You know I got a dick, right?”  Changkyun answers without missing a beat, informing you that you had in fact not put that item on your private list and that anyone could see it.

“Don’t tease Changkyun!” You try to seem menacing with your glare as you cross you arms, already pent up enough as is. That being the very reason for you recent Amazon searches.

“I’m not doll. I won’t even charge you a think for my dick...and it’s the real thing. I promise you’ll leave more than satisfied.” Changkyun’s confidence is definitely a turn on for you, but would you be able to face your roommate afterwards if you did this. Either way did you really care that much at this point? Or did you just need relief fast? It seemed your need for relief took precedence in this moment though, everything else could wait. Still it was your roommate and friend, so you couldn’t help but tease.

You give a playful scoff and eyeroll, smirking back, “Please, like you could even keep up Changkyun.”

He watches the way your hips and ass sway while you make your way towards your room, as if luring him along with you. Rather effectively at that. His eyes darkening with each step he takes after you.

“Oh doll you talk like you aren’t the one that’s in for a long night. After all we have so much frustration to fuck out of your pretty little body.”

[fiddlepickdouglas]

Viva Las Vegas, Pt. 14 - Unexpected Meeting

Summary: Sunset Curve Alive AU, Willex, who will they run into?, 3.2k

@trevor-wilson-covington is the bestie who makes these lovely edits, we stan supportive friends

WARNINGS: death mention, emotional trauma

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13

“Man, I need a break,” Reggie was saying as he strolled with Alex down an unfamiliar street in the early evening, stretching his arms. “I mean, being in the studio all the time has been good, but on top of everything else it’s just so much!”

Unsure where they were headed, Alex walked a few paces ahead on the sidewalk, casually navigating for both of them. He squinted as he looked at Reggie.

“Reggie, you dropped, like, all of your classes once we signed on.”

“Nope!” his friend exclaimed, tilting his head in a proud manner. “I just needed two electives to graduate. It’s okay, though, man. Not everyone finishes their math requirements as a freshman.” Reggie patted Alex’s shoulder, as if it were any sort of consolation.

“No, good for you Reg,” Alex said. His parents had paid for all this private tutoring and even gotten him to take some college credits early. Of course, his only serious plan after high school had been the band so it was all wasted effort, but then all of their attempts with him amounted to that. He was learning to feel less guilty over it. It wasn’t his fault they never cared about what he wanted.

“How long do you think Luke and Bobby are gonna be workshopping their parts together?” Reggie asked.

“Long enough. Where are we going, exactly?”

“Oh, I was just kind of keeping an eye out for anywhere interesting.”

Alex blinked. “I thought we were headed somewhere specific.”

“I’ve only been to this side of L.A. like, once, so I don’t think I’d make a good tour guide,” Reggie stated.

And just like that, Alex’s mind thrust itself back into remembering Willie. He was getting better at not crumbling completely in the moment, but it still felt like his heart was temporarily dunked into a dark ocean of misery. It would remain waterlogged and heavy inside his chest for a while.

“Alex?” Reggie was saying, looking at him with concern. “You okay?”

Snapping his thoughts back to the present, Alex sighed as he looked back at Reggie.

“I’ll be fine.”

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jean jacket and pressed his arms against his sides. Shoulders hunched, he continued through the crowd. Focusing on walking would hopefully help it wear off. He made every step purposeful, trying to get the weight in his heart to fall through his feet. Reggie’s hand on his shoulder made him turn.

“It’s still rough, isn’t it?” he asked gently. “If I said something - ”

“It’s not your fault,” Alex tried to assure him. “Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere. Besides, I can’t make you and everyone else walk on eggshells.”

“Maybe not, but we’re in this with you. It may have been different for us, but we all met Willie. I’d never seen you warm up to anyone that fast. Even after a few months, it’s still fresh; don’t force yourself to be better for us.”

Pausing on the sidewalk, Alex looked up at Reggie. He tried to smile as gratitude edged its way in, relieving most of the heaviness in his chest.

“I appreciate that, Reg.”

“Of course, man.”

“So,” Alex took a deep breath to let everything else wash away as they kept wandering. “You made it sound like you had a lot going on. Is everything at home okay?”

Reggie shrugged. “Eh...no change there. My mom went to stay with her sister after the last fight, so my dad’s been trying his best to take care of everything, but he’s too upset to handle it well. My little sister has just been sleeping over with friends anyway, and I can handle myself, so - ” he shrugged again, “ - you know, I do what I can.”

Alex nodded. He had nothing really to comment, and Reggie knew he was always there to support him. This wasn’t anything unusual for him, but it still wasn’t right. Neither of them spent much time at their own homes, so wandering through the city like this kept them occupied when they weren’t with the rest of the band. Looking up at the store signs around them, he saw a record store about a block ahead.

“Hey, why don’t we check that out?” he suggested.

“Yeah!” Reggie said, dropping any ounce of gloom from the previous subject and skipping along to catch up with Alex.

A small bell rang as they came through the door, and they immediately began filtering through shelves of records and CDs. Peeking toward the back of the store, Alex could see a counter that offered a menu of food and drinks, some tables, as well as the smallest stage in the world. This seemed like a neat little place.

“Oh,” Reggie started after a while. “I got us a gig playing at my cousin’s wedding.”

“A wedding?” Alex said skeptically, turning from the Pansy Division vinyl he was checking out. “When we’re trying to finish a record and go on tour?”

“It’s Conrad, okay, he’s family! And he said we could make the setlist.”

Alex shrugged, considering that was fair.

“...with his approval.”

At that addition, Alex could only sigh and shake his head.

“And then maybe, you could, I don’t know, finally ask Bobby to be your date?”

Reggie put down the Mötley Crüe album he’d been examining and looked up at him in shock. Alex realized he’d possibly been too blunt. But immediately Reggie began to cover it up, laughing and shaking his head.

“What?” he said, his denial completely transparent. “Was that a...was that supposed to be a joke or something?”

Giving him a look of pity, Alex put his hands on his hips.

“You’re really gonna try to pull the wool over the eyes of your gay friend?”

Caught, Reggie looked back at him in defeat and bowed his head.

“I’m gonna guess you noticed a while ago?”

Nodding, Alex tried to soften his demeanor. 

“There’s been something up with you two for months. How come you haven’t tried to talk to him about it?”

Reggie knit his brow and began fiddling with his fingers.

“Well, I’m a little confused by it, to be honest. Cuz, I mean...I like girls, right?”

“Yeah, so?”

“But I like Bobby, too.”

“Okay.”

His friend looked up at him, expecting more of a reaction. Alex leaned against the shelf and folded his arms.

“Do you think there’s something wrong with you? Because you’re talking to the king of wrong feelings.”

“Well, sometimes I feel like that, but not really. It’s something else,” Reggie said.

“Like what?”

“Well...we’ve been friends for years. It just sort of crept up on me and I don’t know what to do. What if he rejects it? He’s one of my best friends.”

Thinking for a moment, Alex looked down at his feet. He didn’t blame Reggie for being worried. He’d had a mini crush on Bobby for a couple weeks back in ninth grade and had the same dilemma. It was easier for him to get over, though, simply because it had faded quickly.

“Well, I wish I could say if it’s meant to be it’ll happen, but sometimes…”

Sometimes it dies in a fire before there’s any chance of knowing.

He shook his head to get rid of the awful thought and ignored Reggie’s look of concern.

“But if I know Bobby, I don’t think it’s going to harm anything. I think you should go for it, Reg. I truly, honestly, will back you up on that.”

A smile spread wide across Reggie’s face.

“Thanks, man!”

Without fretting over it for another second, he turned back to the shelf of CDs he’d been perusing, and Alex did the same. There was a crazy good selection, and Alex wished he could get his hands on a record player. Playing CDs on a boombox worked for some things, but there was a level of charm in playing something on a vinyl record that appealed to him even more. He made a note to get a small notebook to carry in his fanny pack, hoping to return to this store and make a wishlist of sorts to work toward.

“Do I see Alex and Reggie of Sunset Curve?” A familiar voice said from behind.

Both of them turned to find Flynn standing in the aisle, braids tied up into a high ponytail and eyebrow arched in her usual smart fashion.

“Hey Flynn!” Reggie exclaimed, pulling her into a hug. Alex went in for one afterward, happily surprised.

“Hey guys!” she said, grinning.

“What are you up to?” Alex asked.

“Gonna be performing in a bit,” she said excitedly. “Just a warm up before the main group comes on. I’ve been working on some of my own stuff; I think you guys would love it! Got time to stick around?”

“Sweet!” Reggie raised a fist for her to bump. “I’m down. Alex, wanna stay?”

“Yeah, sounds great!”

He had yet to see what Flynn was capable of. If he were to judge only on knowing she’d been in a duo with Julie, he expected it to be good.

“Also, you should try the burritos here,” Flynn told them. “They are to die for!”

The endless click-rollll-click-click-click of his board filled his ears as Willie moved through the street, feeling the wind pass over him in the way that made freedom feel like he could clutch it in his hands. He’d actually spent today not worrying about Alex. It felt good not to dwell on what little past he had access to. Of course, he still had repetitive dreams about the few memories that had come back, but the backwards one with Caleb in it hadn’t come back ever since he’d gotten to LA. Moving forward felt...nice.

He had spent the morning sketching at the beach, getting all sorts of practice in. The beautiful waves, seagulls, the different activities all around him. Somehow a group of young college kids had gotten him to join their volleyball tournament. Willie wasn’t sure if he’d ever played it before, but once he caught onto the game, he’d gotten surprisingly good. It felt nice to roll up the hem of his jeans and dig his toes into the warm sand while playing with a group of strangers. They’d nicknamed him Mowgli, whatever that meant. He liked the sound of it though.

Heading off to work after cleaning himself up, he realized he could spend all his free time that way. Peacefully sketching, meeting fun people, and enjoying his surroundings. Was that all it took to be happy? Willie chuckled at the thought of how much Caleb had stressed over rising to the top of his business game, never appearing to be satisfied with any of it. Leaving Vegas remained the best decision he’d ever made. Of course, he wasn’t always proud about his method of burning down the shed, but it had been one of those...heat of the moment things.

Willie skated up to the back entrance and shook his hair out after lifting off his helmet. Just a few short hours of making food, some chill entertainment, and he could peace out for the night. He headed inside the store and right into the small kitchen. Thankfully, the store didn’t fit too many patrons and it was never hard to keep up with orders, and Kyle had a system so he never had to leave the kitchen. This basically meant he could jam to the live music during the lulls between orders with no interruption.

Kyle entered the kitchen just as Willie was tying on his apron.

“Hey, dude, thanks for coming. We actually got two acts coming in, so it should be a full crowd. Katelyn can be the MC for the first bit, but do you mind taking over for the second half?”

A twinge of excitement came over Willie and he lit up. He’d never gotten to try being an MC before.

“Don’t mind at all!” he said.

“Alright, man!” Kyle exclaimed. “First two orders up: swamp style nachos and a bog burrito.”

“Got it.”

“We’re up for a big night with these performances,” the girl hosting hyped up the crowd. “Let’s give it up for our artist of the night: Flynn Taylor!”

Reggie cupped his hands over his mouth as he hollered along with everyone else’s applause. Alex clapped with a mouthful of nachos. Flynn stepped onto the stage behind a set of deejay turntables, smirking as she began flipping switches and turning knobs.

“Thanks for coming out here everyone,” she said into the mic. More applause and whistles echoed through the room. “We’re gonna make a lot of noise tonight, so let me hear you get pumped!”

As she began playing a beat, Alex bobbed along, immediately interested. He didn’t know a thing about mixing, so he was highly impressed with the different sounds she was using. Then Flynn picked up the mic and began rapping and the whole room cheered.

“...I’m a princess, I don’t need a prince, boy I’m priceless...I’m here to shut it down like a night shift…”

“Man,” Reggie leaned over to Alex. “She’s so good! I say we book her to open for us ASAP as possible.”

Alex merely snorted and chuckled at Reggie’s misuse of the acronym. He actually enjoyed the idea of having Flynn rapping to open for their rock shows. Gigs where all the bands sounded the same got a little flavorless sometimes.

“Also,” Reggie said as he took a huge bite into his burrito. “This is the best burrito I’ve ever had.”

“Lemme try some, you can try my nachos,” Alex said.

All Reggie could say was Mm! as he passed the burrito over.

The final beats of the first performer echoed in the kitchen where Willie had been dancing, waving various kitchen tools around. He’d thoroughly enjoyed the whole set, and wondered what sounded so familiar about the girl who was rapping. Before he could spend more time thinking about it, Kyle came in.

“Okay, you ready?” he asked.

“I just keep people busy and then announce the next group, right?” Willie guessed.

“Yeah, man, you’ve got this!”

“What’s the next group called?”

“Downslide. And they brought some merch, so it’s a good idea to mention that to the crowd as well.”

“Okay,” Willie nodded, slipping out of his apron. “Maybe I could put their t-shirt on or something, you know, sell the look?”

Kyle looked impressed. “Yeah! I’ll go see what they’ve got.”

He left the kitchen and hardly a minute later returned with a jacket.

“They said you could wear it for the night. Not gonna lie, I wish I could wear this, it’s a sweet jacket.”

Willie slipped it on, and turned around. He didn’t often wear jackets, but whatever it was made of was pretty soft.

“Guess I’m ready,” he said, giving Kyle a hand slide and fist bump before leaving the kitchen. He stepped up behind the microphone and looked out at the crowd, and further back, the empty store.

At that moment, he heard the bell of the store door ring and two guys walked outside. Through the window, a familiar leather jacket passed. Then, he saw a head of blonde hair follow, turning to look both ways to cross the street, and his heart grew to fill all the empty space in his chest. It was unmistakable. It had to be.

“Alex...” he breathed quietly into the microphone. Adrenaline immediately went out to his extremities. The crowd before him looked bewildered as they waited for him to announce the next group.

Glancing offstage, he saw Kyle give him a strange look. Willie shook his head, unclear what message he was sending but ultimately knowing he couldn’t stay at his current spot. Before he could think anything else, his legs were bounding out the door. It felt like every ounce of blood in his veins knew. The search was over.

Reggie and Alex had just reached the opposite corner. He wasn’t going to miss his chance.

“Alex!” he cried, running to meet them.

He immediately thrust his arms around a surprised Alex, gripping him tightly, burying his face into his shoulder.

“Oh my god, Alex!” he said, panting. “It’s so good to see you.”

He didn’t feel the hug didn’t reciprocate, and instead Alex grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away. The darkness of the street seemed to envelop him.

“What are you - ?” Alex started, staring back at Willie like he’d just been assaulted. Then shock wiped over his whole face. Then confusion. And then a pain came over all of it that made Willie’s concern grow.

“What - what is it?” he asked, all the excitement gone.

Alex wouldn’t look him in the eye, and he raised a hand to hold the side of his head.

“No, this isn’t real,” he whispered to himself, shrinking backward and shutting his eyes. “This can’t be real.”

Willie glanced over at Reggie, who also stared like he was seeing the impossible. He could see Alex shaking and heard a rattled breath, and felt tension grow thick in the air. Quickly, he went to take Alex’s face in his hands.

“Alex, hey, look, it’s me,” he soothed. He fought to get a look directly into his eyes. “It’s me, Willie.”

Finally, the green ocean gazed back at him, turbulent and restless. What once had been a grounding rhythm of waves had turned into a maelstrom of despair. Even worse were the tears welling up right before him. Willie watched the storm rage for a few seconds, seeking for a moment of calm.

“What’s wrong?” he murmured, lowering his hands. Alex looked so wounded it frightened him.

“How are you alive?” Alex begged to know.

Blinking, Willie sat back, astounded at those words. While he agreed it was a miracle he was still alive, he couldn’t fathom why Alex would ask such a question. He chuckled merely out of discomfort.

“I’m here.” Willie glanced at Reggie, looking for an explanation. “Flesh and bone. Why? What happened?”

Alex looked at him incredulously, jaw hanging open. He looked so tightly wound and so scattered all at once. 

“Caleb told me you were dead.”

Willie blanched inwardly at the mention of Caleb, but even more so at the rest of that sentence he’d been utterly unprepared to hear.

“He...he - ” he stammered for a moment. “When would you have even talked to him?”

Sharing a look with Reggie, Alex took a deep breath. Then he looked back at Willie hesitantly.

“We see him all the time. We work for him now.”

It was Willie’s turn to drop his jaw.

“We’ve been signed to his record label for a few months now,” Reggie pitched in.

Directing his gaze to the ground, Willie puzzled for a minute.

“Why would I be dead?” he asked, looking back up at Alex.

For a minute Alex simply gazed at him wordlessly.

“I don’t know,” he said. There was a pause as both of them finally looked at each other, fully aware that this was real. And then Alex threw his arms around Willie to return the hug. Willie had to raise himself up on his toes to avoid falling over, and he tightened his grip to remain steady. He felt joy spread through his whole torso and breathed a sigh of relief as hands tangled into his hair. “But that doesn’t matter. I’m so happy to see you.”

[torque-witch]

🖤 Torque’s Witchy Wishlist 2020 🖤

Hello everyone! For informational purposes I am 28 and live in the US. If you would like to reach out to me for address info, please DM me privately here on Tumblr or on Instagram @dhdivination. These are where I will most likely see your message 🖤

1. Follow me on Instagram! 2021 will be the first year I am (hopefully) running my Etsy shop completely as my sole income! This is where I spend the most amount of time per social media and where you will see my art first. Every follow, like & share helps me support myself financially 🖤

IG: dhdivination

2. Follow/Buy from my Etsy shop! Every sale helps me keep up with bills, health insurance, medication, etc. I chose to quit my office job in April of 2020 as I am immunocompromised from Crohn’s disease medication as well as complications from comorbidities and should not work in the public during a pandemic (they refused to let me work remotely). My health is unpredictable, and this allows me more freedom to take care of it and buy things that help accommodate my illness like medicine, mobility aids, medical creams for skin conditions, pain relief, etc.

I currently offer crystals, Tarot readings, Tarot bags, rune sets, spirit boards, religious statuary, witchy wall decor, vintage home decor and crochet beanies.

Death’s Head Divination

3. Etsy Wishlist

Please support small businesses this year first wherever possible! Even if you don’t buy anything for me, some of these shops are people I know that could really use some help. Browse and see if there’s anything you like too 🖤

4. Buy this witchy planner for yourself (or me!) and share with your friends!

Plans & Intentions Day Planner

Lauren Kelly is a great friend of mine and created this awesome planner for anyone to use. Although it is sold through Amazon, you are still supporting an Indigenous creator and she did it this way so that it is accessible to everyone. You can also browse her other works and blog here

5. 💲💲💲

Frankly there are a lot of things I could use in order to run my business a lot smoother - a printer, ink, better paint brushes, restock of business cards, shipping supplies, stickers, ring light, light box, phone tripod, etc. I also pay a weekly fee to sell my items at auctions!

If you’re feeling generous or just want to buy me a coffee I would appreciate it!

6. Show me your art! Show me your friend’s art! Show me art you like! I’ll reblog it and try to get more eyes on them to help support artists and makers 🖤 If you want to send something via Ask or Submit, both are open.

7. Send me your podcast recommendations! I’m home alone for most of the day, so these really help me stay productive and feel like someone else is there.

8. Follow Bitxhin’ About on Spotify (or wherever you listen to Podcasts)

Another creation by Lauren Kelly and Megan Giselle that is super informative, inspiring & full of hot takes on topics that need discussed that definitely affect the witchcraft community and humanity at large.

9. Please be kind to essential workers right now. Most places are still understaffed, people are working long hours and they have to deal with crappy people all day long as well as being put at risk for illness. Tip where you can and be patient or say a kind word, leave a good review at places you visit often 🖤

10. If you need/want witchcraft books, buy from Portland Button Works first before Amazon if you can afford to!

Shop run by @upthewitchypunx

11. Send me your ghost & paranormal stories! I always love hearing them and will share them where possible 🖤

12. Drink some water & take your meds!

13. And finally if you’re feeling frisky - send me a letter! Mail is always nice when it isn’t bills, and I’ll be sure to send you one back 🖤

❄️ Happy Holidays and Merry Wishmas ❄️

[rpbetter]

I often see multis post that they want to make a new muse, at the same time as they're backed up on threads and asks, and they get their followers to "enable" them to make that muse in the post replies. What is your take on this? Is it a they-can-do-what-they-want situation, or is it reasonable to be annoyed when I see this? Or both?

Hey, Anon!

Both.

I mean, as usual, this is my opinion of an opinion-based matter. This isn't an equation that has an objectively right to wrong scale, it isn't actually hurting any living person or thing. But...it is incredibly annoying and can be hurtful.

They can totally do what they want, and much of the nature of genuine creativity is exactly that - the allowance of doing whatever you so desire. It's something I support rather adamantly, but it's also something I support trying our best to do responsibly and without being hurtful to anyone in a hobby that involves more than ourselves.

This isn't deciding to write another fic when you've not finished the previous four or five that others were interested in, or never finishing any of your original fiction, but continually starting new projects. While others might be enjoying those things as well, you didn't agree to interact with them. They're audience members, not participants.

When others are participants in a hobby that has to work both ways, it's different. Your actions do affect other, real human beings.

So, I totally feel like you've a right to be annoyed every time you see that happening. I do. I tend to unfollow people who do that repeatedly, as we're not pursuing the hobby in the same way. I'll argue all day that someone has a right to their, sometimes literally, eighty-plus muses they never develop or stick to, but that doesn't mean I want to engage with them as a writing partner.

For those of us who want long-term writing partners with the same, well-developed muses, this kind of thing just is annoying. As is everything else that comes with it.

As in...

They're constantly posting "talk me out of adding x" as code for "talk me into writing x."

No one actually wants to be talked out of it, which was probably more obvious to everyone else here than it was me for a little while lmao I tend to take things rather literally. This was, as one can imagine, not appreciated! Telling someone in total earnestness, "I really don't think that's a good choice. You're always saying how overwhelmed you are and just dropped multiple threads yesterday, so adding another muse is going to make you feel worse eventually. Don't do it! :)" is so not what they were looking for. As was evident by the return meltdown over how they could do what they wanted, like I said they couldn't or had any authority over what they're doing with their time.

It's an obnoxious bit of pandering for a foregone conclusion.

Have you ever seen anyone who posts that sort of thing not pick up that muse? I haven't. I've only seen muns who are legitimately on the fence about it asking others in private conversations or testing out the muse decide against it. The thing that makes this incredibly irritating is the attention-seeking and need to validate something they must know isn't a great choice, otherwise, they'd just do it. They're aware that they're behind on drafts, asks, and other things - aware that this is maybe a dick move when they owe everyone already. So, they're seeking "permission" with full knowledge that multiple mutuals are going to hop on that post with encouragement, even some of the ones being messed over by this choice.

It puts people in a bad situation.

Some of those people genuinely don't care, they just want to interact with any muse, and I'm going to be awful and say it - they don't care about totally interchangeable muses and have them themselves. That's fine, this isn't a problem for them. It is for the mutuals who are hoping that maybe if their writing partner gets into this new muse, they'll get a reply to their threads with that energy, or that they'll stick to this one and they can have consistent interactions with them. It is for the mutuals who feel pressured to respond positively because they fear not responding at all will make them seem like bad rpers.

One more thing playing into the counter logic excuse for shitty behavior of "it's just a hobby" is one more thing too many, and it does exactly that.

No one wants to be accused of being remotely too invested in RP anymore, of taking it too seriously, or having any emotional investment in muses, stories, or muns. Not accepting every choice someone makes that negatively impacts you with a grin on your face while you dump confetti on them for it just isn't a comfortable option for a lot of muns anymore. Honesty isn't a comfortable option. While the other option isn't either, it seems better than that mutual noticing you're the only writing partner who didn't hop onto that post with support any of the multiple times they reblogged it. It's only a hobby in which everyone can do what they want until what one wants clashes. Then, you're getting a callout for being addicted to RP.

And the way it tends to clash most is in having expectations of others. Ones that would be totally normal in any other hobby requiring interaction with other people.

Like not overburdening yourself at the expense not only of yourself but those on your "team." That's what is being done when someone knows they cannot keep up with themselves, but continues to add to the situation with new muses.

Not only are you no longer getting responses already while they're intending to add even more to their overflowing plate, you'll be dropped again when they have to "fresh start" their blog because they're burned out.

I have to put that in quotations because I don't know how it's a fresh start when you keep everything but the blog layout the same. All the muses and all the behaviors, including adding a new one despite not having the time or interest necessary to do so, is inevitably maintaining the problems that led to burnout. Dropping every thread, changing the URL, a new blog layout, new aesthetics, isn't fixing the issue even if it temporarily reinvigorates the mun.

The mun is definitely doing things that are not helpful to them, it's stressful and upsetting to experience burnout, but it's at least that mun's choice. Both to do it and to become defensive over fixing it, thus, never fixing it. It isn't anyone else's choice to be repeatedly dropped or ignored, though...unless they just keep sticking around for it.

Again, we're supposed to respect everyone's choices. That's fine when it really works that way, when it is truly everyone. But it's not an acceptable decision to see a multimuse of twenty or more muses and say that's your limit, that you've experienced too many muns who are serial muse-adders not being able to keep up with themselves, so you don't interact with these blogs. If one feels that way, they had better not put it in their rules or ever be upfront about this as a reason, when one is demanded, for not following back or interacting.

It's not acceptable to see a writing partner adding another muse after they've owed you for months, just wiped their inbox, and keep expressing being overwhelmed/behind and become annoyed. Let alone dropping them or explaining to them why you are doing so.

The only "acceptable" course of action is hoping that they totally forget you exist so you can quietly slip away.

I don't feel like that's especially fair or mature. It certainly isn't helping the communication problem we absolutely do have here in the RPC when only one party is allowed to communicate without fear of being labeled, rather ironically, as a bad RP partner.

While this problem seems to be most prevalent in more casual RPers, it's certainly not isolated there. I feel like it's necessary to say that I've had muns I both interacted with and were simply on my dash alike who were not on that more casual side who went from being multis to being muse collectors. Once they hit over fifteen of them or so, they stopped even bothering to try to refrain from picking up at least one muse from every new piece of media they consumed or were inspired by.

It was more annoying because they had been capable of writing truly unique characters they stuck to, and even if they were, with full and upfront admission before interaction, slower to respond, those responses were well worth any wait for the quality of writing and storytelling going on. That's so much worse than someone who was always at a lower skill level as a writer, didn't have a good grasp on characterization, and wasn't especially dedicated to anything. It's depressing and disappointing, but it's also not what you think you're getting into when trying to carefully pick who to write with. Like everyone else, my time to enjoy this hobby is far from twenty-four-seven as well. It's important to me to try to choose muns I'll work out with well so that neither of us is wasting the other's time. And that's what it feels like - the investment of time was a waste because their hobby became adding infinite muses, or rather, the idea of muses.

So, yes, while it is fully everyone's right to write what and how they want to (even if it amounts to not writing at all), it'd be nice if we were all as committed to doing so in a way that was adult enough to respect commitments we've made to each other as we are, as a RPC, to losing our minds when someone merely drops the words "commitments" or "respect."

For the inevitable muse-collectors running across this:

Fiction is inspiring! That doesn't mean you needn't be inspired by anything, just that picking up or creating a whole other muse might not be the best way to follow this inspiration.

If you're considering another muse, but you find yourself already behind and/or overwhelmed? Try one of these instead:

create a plot based on it! Write up the idea and put it in your wanted plots/wishlist tag. Bring it up to partners you think might be interested in it as well, or seek out a crossover from that fandom

make it a new verse for an existing muse! This is as close as you get to creating a new muse without actually doing so, and in many ways, it takes even more creativity. How is your muse different in this AU than they are in canon, how are they the same? In the ways that they are the same, what similar events but done in a way that is natural/logical to this universe have happened to maintain that? Get really creative!

for either/both of these, make some moodboards and aesthetics with that energy while you're waiting on someone to take you up on these new things. Answer some HC asks or tag games using your new verse, or write an independent HC for the verse or plot

talk to writing partners who already love that muse about their new verse/your desired plot! No, not pressuring talk, just normal conversation between friends, but maybe they will be interested in starting a thread

simply be inspired to include some aspect of what you liked in an existent thread. A particular scene you could pull ideas from, the overall mood of a film, or the way something was written in a book - include that in your replies somehow! RP is creative writing, be creative

There are so many, honestly more organic, directions to take inspiration than bluntly adding a new muse. Especially when you're already overburdened, not holding up your end of replies, and/or not able to portray each muse as their own character properly.

Sometimes, it's not just not a great idea to add a whole new muse, and that's alright. There seems to be a serious problem with fomo going on with this whole issue, too. You're not going to miss out if you do not immediately add this character to your multi, and you're never going to fully keep up with what is trending anyway. Do it because you still want to write this muse in four months instead, they're obviously not going anywhere if that's the case, and they'll be a better developed, interesting portrayal for that.

And people do have a right to be annoyed when they feel sidelined by you seeing a shiny object and repeatedly pandering for validation in dropping them for it. Particularly if you're a mun who, further, expects everyone to be just as interested in every new muse you make as the last. As in, you're annoyed when you keep creating muses no one is falling over themselves to interact with, guilting, shaming, or outright demanding that this new muse is interacted with before they have access to the previous ones.

They don't have a right to be mean you to, but they have a right to be annoyed and to drop you. They even have a right to politely decline explaining this to you if they feel unsafe, or to politely explain it to you before they move on.

Absolutely everyone's right to pursue RP and every facet of it as they so please, but no one else has to like what you're doing.

If this response grates on some of you out there? Consider the other options you have, how you might be making others feel, and that it's actually completely okay to tell yourself no. You won't perish if you tell yourself no to taking on a new muse when you, honestly, should not! It'll be okay! Maybe, you just need to evaluate if there is another muse, or more than one, you should remove before adding one. Maybe, you just need some time to reorganize how you reply before you add this one. "No" when told to yourself can simply mean "no, not right now, it isn't a good time/situation."

[rydoofall]

🗨Hashtags #Gaming #LetsPlay #Rydo 🎲Description🔗Game Link▶Playlists📑RSS🌐Social🎮Hardware💸Donate Below 🎲New version of the muti-awarded game. Now in 3D. Includes improved IA, 3D landscape, new exclusive features. *** Carcassonne fits that opening game niche that every game group needs. -Tyler Nichols, Board Game Quest *** Carcassonne = Great game, great mechanics, great pieces, great fun! -The Board Game Family *** Carcassonne's recent Android re-release and its fresh, new features are a joy to experience*** Pocket Gamer A TILE PLACEMENT GAME OF CREATING LANDSCAPES, CLAIMING AREAS, AND GAINING POINTS Carcassonne is a modern classic tile-placement game based on the award wining game in which the players draw and place a tile with a piece of southern French landscape on it. The tile might feature a city, a road, a cloister, grassland or some combination thereof, and it must be placed adjacent to tiles that have already been played, in such a way that cities are connected to cities, roads to roads, et cetera. The player can then decide to place one of his followers, so called Meeples, on one of the areas on it: on the city as a knight, on the road as a robber, on a cloister as a monk, or on the grass as a farmer. When that area is complete, that meeple scores points for its owner. Each new game is a new experience thanks to the ever-changing landscape. ENJOY FUN AND TACTICAL GAMEPLAY During a game of Carcassonne, players are faced with decisions like: "Is it really worth putting my last meeple there?" or "Should I use this tile to expand my city, or should I place it near my opponent instead, making it harder for him to complete his goal and score points?" Since players place only one tile and have the option to place one meeple on it, turns proceed quickly even if it is a game full of options and possibilities. FEATURES • 5 expansions to shake up your games with new tiles, meeples and rules • 1 Free expansion: The Abbot • Solo mode • Pass & Play on the same device with your friends and family • Detection of blocked locations once the tile is placed. • Online multiplayer mode includes: - Public games to play with players all around the world - Private games to invite your friends - Ranked games and leaderboards - Chat & Lobby • 3D modelisation (vs 2D for the previous versions and the physical game) • Additional strategic layers compared to the physical version: - field view which allows you to see the field possession of each player - remaining tile list: allows you to see the tiles which are remaining in the draw pile Languages available: English, French, German Italian, Spanish 🔗Game Link: https://ift.tt/4HzFn8p ▶Playlists: https://www.youtube.com/c/RydoOfAll/Playlists 📑RSS: https://www.youtube.com/feeds/videos.xml?channel_id=UCVcAy5Zgr18zqCSms7phA_A 🌐Social Links Twitter: https://twitter.com/@Rydoofall Facebook: https://ift.tt/CfxbGUh Steam: https://ift.tt/5PApv4f ​Twitch: https://ift.tt/YPvJ0eE 🎮Hardware Microsoft Windows 10 Pro AMD Ryzen 7 3800X 8-Core Processor 3.90 GHz 64.0 GB Ram NVIDIA GeForce RTX 2080 Wired Xbox One Controller Blue Yeti Microphone Open Broadcast Software 💸Donate Steam: Gift Me A Game or Gift Card Friend Me: https://ift.tt/njpPrHF Wishlist: https://ift.tt/vGMerXC Patreon: https://ift.tt/VNBo3RS

[royalreef]

@infernalpursuit​ inquired:  what’s one thing you’d love to write with your muse? the #1 spot in your wishlist?

(( OH... Oh there are easily three things that share that uppermost spot, that I actually haven’t really been able to get into ever since I first created the potential for them to happen.

One of which is to actually get into Miranda’s past. Her trauma. To start specifically discussing it and revealing it in a thread - because while I have told people about it and dropped PLENTY of hints as to what’s going on behind the scenes, I really do LOVE when muses figure it out on their own! And I have it all written out and keep fine-tuning the little details, but I just... never get to use it! We see the current-day effects of it, but other muses don’t have the timeline, and even Miranda herself can’t remember a lot of it.

The next is... A part of my lore that I DO keep very hush-hush because I like to build up the horror of it. I like to imply what’s going on, what Miranda really is, what the Merkingdom itself has up its sleeves, but I won’t reveal it unless muses go looking for it. And, at least once, I’ve been able to write out Miranda EXPLAINING what it is, but that’s exactly that. Just an explanation.

I want to show people it. I have some VERY fun little toys tucked away for the first person who manages to find them. Let them realize exactly what they’re dealing with when anyone talks about the Merkingdom. How deep it goes. How bad it gets.

I’d put Miranda, firmly and properly, losing her shit and needing to kill someone ASAP here. It’d have to be in a private space, where no one besides Miranda and the person and maybe one or two people who have earned her trust to the deepest degree can see. But if you manage to press her buttons to that final point, if you manage to get her losing her shit like that... I like to write her as horrifying. There’s something that delights in my brain, not only because I love Miranda, but that out of a cast of eldritch deities and literal demons and vampires and werewolves and every more traditional monster, that the one you should be most afraid of is the tiny, pink mermaid princess who looks straight out of a Disney movie.

And the last one is probably anytime anyone gets to visit the Merkingdom itself. Like, it’s no secret that I pour a lot of worldbuilding into the Merkingdom, but the most of it ends up put into the actual physical locations of the Merkingdom. They’re secretive and private and don’t like people visiting, which absolutely helps when I have so much lore that I can’t just assume people will know or even read! But it also SUCKS in terms of, I have SO MUCH that I can’t toss out at people UNLESS their muses are invited in to SEE all of it. 

Hell, even just the sheer physicality of the location itself... 

I write Miranda very much as a fish out of water. Poison falls from the sky, gravity hates her, it’s honestly destroying her body and her mind to stay so long on land. She’s stressed. She wasn’t made for the land, and the land wasn’t made for her.

And when it comes to visiting the Merkingdom, even visiting the capital city tucked at the bottom of an undersea mountain range - all of that is instantly turned on its head. Miranda is in her element. This is what she’s made for. The pain is gone, the stress is gone, this is exactly the environment she was made to exist within! 

But for a landfolk? It’s pure darkness. Not the darkness you get when you close your eyes or at night, but something so pitch and black and infinite that your brain feels like it can’t even be real and creates hallucinations for you because you cannot comprehend that infinite darkness. The water is pressing in on you, all around you, like getting put into a vice grip on every inch of your body at once. To try and move through it feels like moving through molasses. It’s exhausting. There’s no ground, no solid anything, the most you might be able to feel is the current Miranda creates with her tail when she swims by you. You’re functionally helpless in that place, and even without taking Miranda’s title into account, she has full control in that situation. She’s the size of a tiger shark, and is a predator in her element. You were never supposed to be there at all.

So... I don’t think I could narrow it down to one thing of itself, but largely I just really want more opportunities to play around with lore that I haven’t had before!

[where-dreamers-go]

“An Officer In-Between” Grand Admiral Thrawn x Fem!Reader

(A/N: Finally got around to typing this one up and out of my notebook. Here’s my first real attempt at writing Thrawn. I hope I did him some justice. I had fun writing something different. The Thrawn books are on my wishlist. Also…this has been sitting on the computer waiting for its turn to be uploaded..since last year? I just wanted something cute.

Romance ahead.

Word Count: 1,350)

A galaxy of dreamers, workers, heroes, villains, scum, bounty hunters, rebels, and imperials was a large place indeed.

You were an officer aboard the Chimera and had been a part of her crew for just shy a year. You were in deep. You knew the hallways, shift changes, when cargo was brought onboard, other officers, and the Grand Admiral himself.

The tall handsome chiss lead the crew with strategic diligence. He was impressive. More so than you thought you would learn.

Although you and Thrawn had been seeing one another exclusively for many rotations, you had been a member of the Rebellion much longer. A Rebel intelligence officer. Tasked with gathering vital information that could be used against the Galactic Empire was a heavy weight on your shoulders. Especially when your heart shared itself between the Rebellion and Thrawn. A pull you felt each moment you woke up and when you put your head down to sleep.

One day after a shift, you had downloaded information from the ship’s log. No one had seen you nor did you miss a beat in your routine. You hid the small storage device well in your quarters. The movements were not new to you.

The following night you found yourself taking space on Thrawn’s bed. It was not the first night you spent in his quarters after a good meal and various conversations. He insisted it was better for your health. Officer beds were not nearly as comfortable as a Grand Admiral’s. He knew well of your working hours and had not pressured you the first time he suggested such sleeping arrangements. He had asked for nothing in return.

You were resting your eyes and enjoying the coolness of the sheets as your handsome chiss was exiting the refresher. Your back was to him as he made his way to his preferred side. There was a moment of absolute silence before he slid into bed.

A warm hand was placed over your hip. It was soon paired with a breathy kiss to your ear.

Pressing your lips together you repressed any sounds. He had a way of sending shivers down your spine.

Galactic Empire? Rebellion? Neither of the names nor the battles were allowed to bother you while you spent time with Thrawn. After getting to know him, truly know him, you decided to push labels to the side.

You had a mission, yes, however you were not one to ignore your heart. It never steered you wrong. Listening to your heart helped lead you to Thrawn. Even through all of his work ethic, he noticed your interest in him quite early on.

Having a highly intelligent Imperial lover only made hiding your allegiance extremely difficult.

Lips lightly pulled on your earlobe.

“Mmm,” your hands clutched the bedsheet, “we should really get some sleep.”

“True, but you enjoy extra displays of affection right before bed.”

You tucked your face into the pillow.

Goodness, was he right.

Those nights away from him made you realize just how much you cared for him, loved to be with him. Wished to not part from him.

One final kiss, to your temple, and Thrawn pulled away completely. Even the hand he had on your hip.

Yet you did not hear him lay down.

“Is there something you need to tell me, Officer (Y/L/N)?” His tone was calm, but the use of your rank unnerved you.

Your heart skipped a beat. Not the good kind.

Did he already know? Was he talking about something else?

Who were you kidding? He was Thrawn.

Sitting up in bed you kept the sheets to your chest.

You were in delicate territory.

“Probably…..a few things.”

Thrawn dropped something small onto your lap.

A small hard drive.

Your stomach dropped.

“Were you planning to hide this in the cargo hold like the others to be picked up or were you planning on delivering my ship’s files personally?”

“Kriff.”

You tossed the object off of the bed.

“I confiscated the three empty ones.”

“Thrawn—.”

“How long did you plan on continuing this charade? Until you sent out all of the hard drives?”

You hunched forward, fingers pressing into your scalp.

“I was doing my mission. I have tasks.”

“Then what? What was your long-term goal, (Y/N)? You are an officer on my ship regardless of how you gained access into the Empire. If you completed your mission, what would you do next?”

“I don’t know.”

Thrawn clicked his tongue.

“Highly unlikely. You are one of the most prepared and organized people I know. You had a plan. You had orders.”

You kept your head down, unable to face him.

“I was instructed to leave only when appropriate and only after my mission was complete.”

“Was bedding a Grand Admiral a part of your mission?”

“No,” you quickly turned to face him. “Thrawn, no. That was—what we’re doing…”

Your gaze fell to the mattress.

If only you could tell him everything.

“Thrawn….if my superiors found out…kriff. I would be demoted so fast. They probably—no—they would definitely deny me access to communications. I’d have to start all over, but in the negatives obviously. I probably wouldn’t make custodial let alone private.”

“When do they expect you to return? You had three hard drives left.”

“Three months ago,” you answered without missing a beat.

“Late. That’s very unlike you.”

Thrawn’s hand caressed the skin between your shoulder blades.

A frown made it’s way to your face.

“Did you take the others? The ones I put in the empty cargo containers.”

“I did.”

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your shoulder.

“…you’ve known this whole time.” You stared ahead.

“Only after I took an interest in you.”

“The first initial interest or when you developed romantic interest?”

“Romantic interest,” he kissed your neck.

Your breath hitched.

Thrawn’s lips traveled up to the shell of your ear. Gentle, but alluring.

“Why haven’t you done anything? I’m….the enemy.” The last word caught in your throat.

“I’ve done my share,” his free hand went to your hip furthest from him. “You have a flawless record here. I’ve promoted you. I’ve come to know you at a deeper level. Intimately. I refuse to hold a label over you.”

“A label…You’re not going to push me away? I haven’t told you the truth.”

“Weren’t you the one who told me about using half-truths? You’ve never lied to me. Not that you could,” he kissed your temple.

“You’re…I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love that you’re not pushing me away—or worse, but you’re not asking me to pick a side?”

Two cerulean hands cradled your face and a pair of cherry-red eyes met your gaze.

“Asking you to choose between two of your passions or loyalties would be narrow-minded. I would not ask that of you.” His lips brushed your forehead. “I adore the complex person before me and I wouldn’t want to lose you over something neither of us have full control over.”

You sighed, “you’re something else, you know that?”

“Yes. I needed to make sure we both understood one another.”

“By scaring me.”

“You needed to know that I had evidence.”

“Right before we go to sleep?”

“You’re a Rebel spy. You handled it well.”

Raising your eyes briefly, you released the bedsheet and pushed against Thrawn’s chest.

He fell back, willingly, onto the bed. Cherry-red eyes watching your every move.

“Rebel Intelligence. You had already planned on everything working out and staying up longer, didn’t you?”

He smirked.

“Why am I even surprised?”

“You didn’t think too hard on the subject.” He brought you closer, easing you to lay down. “You hate worrying.”

You nudged your nose into the crook of his neck and murmured, “I adore you.”

“And I adore you.” He hummed.

Rebellion or Empire? You were starting to realize that your position was not directly in either and that Thrawn had known that for much longer.

. . .

Your eyes snapped open.

“They never got the hard drives.”

~~~

(If you love my writings and want to support me, I have a Ko-Fi where you can buy me a coffee. I would be eternally grateful. coffee

Best wishes and happy reading.

~~

DreamerDragon Tags: @cubedtriangle )

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

Submitted:

Well, here’s what will be in the book – the list of stuff they’ve been waiting and dying to clap back on. Here’s Lainey with what I’m sure is just a purely speculative, totally wishful (lol) wish list of gossip to be addressed,

https://www.laineygossip.com/(X(1)S(kazinr55sab3pk553x54uo45))/new-book-about-prince-harry-meghan-markle-called-finding-freedom-harry-meghan-and-the-making-of-a-modern-royal-family-by-royal-reporters-omid-scobie-and-carolyn-durand-to-be-released-in-august/66165

Because imagine if the following stories are included in Finding Freedom? These are stories that have so far been presented from only one angle. What if the other side of these stories comes out in the book? Here’s the wishlist:

-the tension behind the scenes of Harry and Meghan’s wedding: supposedly Meghan made Kate cry. Is that really how it went down according to “those closest to the couple”? Or might there be a twist? 

-that whole skirmish over Meghan’s wedding tiara: we’ve been hearing that Harry and Meghan basically pointed at the tiara and said “mine!” That’s the anti-Sussex version of the story. What does the pro-Sussex version of the story sound like and if we actually get it in the book…who comes out the villain? 

-the drama over how Archie’s birth would be announced and all the complaints about their decision to not have a photo shoot outside the hospital

-the private plane scandal from last summer and how the situation was being managed behind the scenes 

-the separation of household discussions between William and Harry and how those negotiations unfolded

All of those have been marquee gossip headlines in the time of Harry and Meghan. And if the way these stories are covered in the book, if they’re covered in the book, are different from the way they’ve been covered in the media so far, how will the media respond? 

The book coming out and needing to be publicized not only gives Lainey some more promo work to do, but also conveniently distracts her from writing more about how lame their recent LA PR attempts have been. 

However, all this lame clapping back more 1-2 years after the fact, when everyone else has moved on and will still be dealing with a pandemic and more deaths every day, “their side” is not going to go over well. 

I’m also intrigued that the book will be coming out in August, just in time for the The Firm’s meeting at Balmoral. Oh to be a fly on the castle wall!

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Thanks! It’s going to be interesting to read her perspective on those stories. I bet she tries to paint herself as the victim but ultimately fails because she's not self-disciplined enough to keep from bitching about the family and the palace staff.

The book bingo is going to be EPIC. We’re going to need like 100 bingo cards. 

But my favorite part of Lainey’s post is the “how will the media” respond question. That’s the funniest part of this all. The tabloids and royal reporters who she hates will spend most of the fall making shit tons of money out of her book. They’ll be booked solid thorough December talking about it on television. It will be an early Christmas for them.

And the brf will simply ignore her. She thinks she’s going to be  huge Diana-like martyr, but she forgets that the ones who created the Diana mystique were the tabloids and they aren’t going to put Meghan on a “People’s Princess” pedestal.