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hoedorokishoto · 3 years

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Trust - Part 1

Shoto Todoroki x Reader

+ Minors DNI

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“You know, if you just stopped getting kicked in the head, I wouldn’t need to fix your gear all the time.” I said, my hands running over the smooth metal of Hitoshi’s voice modulator. Different from the first one I had made him 2 years ago; small changes being made to help your best friend become the best hero he could be.

“Maybe I miss hanging out with you. You are worth a swift kick to the head.” He said from behind me, walking around the room as he spoke. Looking at the various machines, weapons, and other projects I was working on in the workshop. I laughed at his response, shaking my head as I screwed the missing panel back into place.

“You flatter me.”

Hitoshi Shinso had been your best friend since before both of you were even born. Your dad and his parents, living next to each other since their early 20’s, experiencing drunken nights, sad days and the trials of parent hood together. So in turn you and Toshi had done everything together. First steps, first words and first days of school.

“I saw you and Mr Aizawa on TV.” I said beaming, the thought of him realising his dreams and making them a reality enough to make my heart soar.

“Oh yeah, it was pretty weird. Don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. Neither will Mr Aizawa.”

“Lucky you guys are so chatty.”

It was him who laughed this time, coming up next to me and hugging me into his side. I did miss him, his hero work and my support work taking up much of whatever spare time we had. Especially being 3rd years, our futures looming over us even more, having to make final decisions about our future. Gone were the days of dressing up as our favourite heroes and running around our homes catching our parents who pretended to be villains. Now all I seemed to think about where internship offers and upcoming exams, mathematic equations often overtaking my thoughts even in my dreams.

The gear didn’t need much fixing just a loose panel and a few scratches, something easy that I could fix in a matter of minutes.

“Good as new!” I said, holding up the voice modulator and admiring my handy work, then passing it back to Hitoshi.

“You’re the best Y/N, ramen is on me next time.” Hitoshi said, winking and taking the equipment from me. Placing it over his face and making the necessary adjustments.

The workshop was surprisingly quiet, usually filled with the noise of machines and steel clanging together. The music usually turned up to max volume as the other support course students worked on support gear for other heroes. Hatsume clearly wasn’t here because it had been a whole 3 hours with no explosions nearby.

“So how is Kaibara?” Toshi asked, quirking his purple eyebrow at me. I rolled my eyes at his question, stepping around him and back over to my tool bench.

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him?”

“Well I only ask because you seem to know him a lot better than I do. Intimately I would say.”

“Ew, don’t say intimately. Are you 95 years old?” I said, faking chills and a look of disgust on my face.

Sen and I weren’t dating, I didn’t want to date him but the time we did spend together proved effective in helping relieve the everyday stress of living at UA and being a Hero Support student. The sex was good, and he was handsome, always considerate of me and never did anything I was uncomfortable with. The more I thought about it, the more perfect he seemed. He very well might be, but just not for me. There was never any substance behind my feelings for him beyond the attraction to sleep with him. If we did interact outside of the bedroom it was purely platonic, just friends and nothing more. As bad as it sounded, I was using him for personal benefit and nothing more.

"He talks about you a lot.”

I looked into his eyes and flipped my hair, a cocky grin overtaking my features.

“Well… what can I say?”

“Not like that you weirdo, he asks a lot of questions. He wants to know more about you.” Hitoshi laughed, slapping my arm, scratching the back of his neck.

“Do you guys not talk?”

“Why would we need to?” I asked, not quite understanding the question. My back to Hitoshi now, tidying my workstation as I waited for his answer. We knew what we needed to know about one another, our names, birthdays, and a few general things but beyond that it seemed irrelevant.

“I think he likes you.”

“Well I hope he does he puts his penis inside me Hitoshi.”

“You know that isn’t what I meant. He like likes you.”

I stilled; my back still turned towards my friend. My view of relationships was always clouded by indifference. I could blame it on the fact that my parents didn’t work out or I could blame it on my preferences, hell I could even blame it on my star sign. Whichever excuse I chose I always knew that deep down I knew that relationships would never work, and people were better off alone, if I didn’t fully give someone my heart there is no way that they could rip it out of my chest and step on it. I would never put myself in that situation.

“That sounds like his problem, not mine.” I said coldly, picking up my bag and heading to the door, hopefully hearing the end of this conversation.

“Ramen is on you remember. I’m hungry.”

Without another word I flicked off the light by the door and headed out of the workshop, Hitoshi picking up speed to walk beside me, not saying another word.

The walk back to UA was always killer, that dam hill being the bane of my existence for the last 3 years. The silence was almost deafening, I could feel Hitoshi holding something back. Wanting to say something, something about the conversation earlier no doubt.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I can feel you being gloomy, more so than usual. It’s irritating.”

Hitoshi sighed, rubbing his eyes with one of his hands. Shaking his head as he stopped.

“I want you to be happy! Is that so wrong? What’s wrong with Kaibara?”

“If you like him so much why don’t you date him.”

“I don’t want to make jokes!” He said, stepping past me, and continuing up the hill.

“Why is this so important to you? You’ve never really cared before.” I asked, jogging to catch up to him. He didn’t answer, he just linked our arms and continued up the hill. Pushing whatever he was feeling down and sealing it away.

“Denki is having a party in the 3A dorm this weekend. Wanna come?” Hitoshi asked changing the subject and tightening his arm around mine.

“Mr Aizawa is allowing that?”

“Yeah, apparently it will be good for us to blow off some steam before the school year really kicks off. His words not mine.”

He sensed my hesitation.

“Hatsume is going to be there, she even convinced IIda to go.” He said raising his eyebrows.

“Wow, that is impressive.” I said matter of factly, nodding my head. The class rep of the 3A was known for being a real stickler for the rules. Keeping everyone in order and always being the epitome of a model student. Bless his soul, but he wasn’t really the party type. The picture of him in that environment was enough to convince me to go.

“Please, who is going to help me stop Denki from being an idiot?”

“Literally any of his other friends?”

“Yeah but you are so pretty, and he is a simp.” Toshi said matter-of-factly.

“Fine, but if I don’t see Tenya do his little arm thing at least once then I’m gonna be so mad at you.” I said giggling and tightening his arms once more.

“I can guarantee it, it will be Denki and a party. It’s like you don’t even know him.”

Me and the rest of class 3H had been instructed to be at Ground Gamma for a joint training session between 3A and 3B, the hero support students were to observe and help with gear whenever needed. Taking notes on current gear and seeing where adjustments were needed. As the future heroes got better at handling their quirks and being in tense situations some fights ended with a lot of damage. Whether it be to the heroes themselves or their gear, that’s where we came in.

I always seemed to forget just how big the facilities at UA really were, most of the grounds built to look like entire blocks of actual cities. Ground Gamma was made up of various exposed pipes and machinery, the combination giving a labyrinth affect perfect for heroes to improve theirs fighting skills in tight spaces.

Watching them was impressive, just how far they had come in a few short years was a credit to just how hard they trained every day. I felt safe and content knowing that these people were going to be patrolling the city one day and keeping people safe.

“Hey stranger!” a voice yelled in the distance, Sero’s tall body coming into view as he walked closer to me. Denki and Toshi following closely behind.

“Afternoon.” I said, saluting the boys as they got closer, standing on either side of me examining the work bench and tools that we had set up before anyone else arrived.

“How is my favourite little nerd?” Denki asked, nudging my arm with his and hugging me.

“I’m good, excited to see you guys train today.”

“Aw babe, prepare to be amazed!” Denki said, winking at me, his arm still slung around my side.

“Y/N could watch me burp the alphabet and be more impressed.” Hitoshi said sarcastically.

“You guys are so harsh.” He replied, clutching his hand to his chest and feigning sadness.

The group laughed as I turned around and prepared for this afternoon’s events. Ready to take notes and sketch new designs. The students had started filling up the platform, sitting in the groups they had been assigned, discussing the best plans of attack depending on their quirks.

“Everyone gather around!”

“Today will be a bit different, after today’s exercise we will be assigning you with new support students based on where we think the heroes need improvement and previous projects from the support course students. We will also be looking at your scheduled internships and work studies and matching you based on that so we can get all heroes and their gear to the best they can be before graduation.” Mr Aizawa said, commanding the attention of everyone on the platform. He wore his usual nonchalant expression, hair down and hands in his pockets.

Everyone talked amongst themselves about the recently learned information. As of right now I worked on Bakugo, Uraraka and Hitoshi’s costumes and support gear. The first two hero costumes were my entrance exam task, getting a rough design, a file on both students and their quirks and having to design according to that. Now making adjusts when needed or wanted. The most recent addition was two earpieces for Bakugo to reduce the noise of his explosions but still allowing him to hear regular noise, so he didn’t lose any sense while fighting. In hopes that his explosions wouldn’t damage his hearing anymore than it already had.

New projects were always welcome, in hopes of keeping my grades high before graduation. Hero Agencies always quick to offer students internships based on good grades and successful support gear.

“So to get this started, give it your best and good luck!” Allmight finished, the first two groups of students heading to their assigned bases to start training.

The training finished, class A’s teams winning the most training battles and celebrating accordingly. Cheering and hugging each other. My notebook already full of notes and sketches for potential changes and brand-new designs.

“Everyone please look up at the screen and look at who you have been given as your support students. There will be no changing so no complaining.” Aizawa said, already walking off the platform. Probably to wrap himself up in his sleeping bag.

There in large blue writing was my name.

Y/N Nanase – Hitoshi Shinso, Katsuki Bakugo, Shoto Todoroki

I looked over at the student who was newly assigned to me, there Shoto Todoroki was in all his half and half glory. One blue eye and one dark grey already staring back at me.

#shoto todoroki #shoto x reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader #todoroki x reader #shoto smut

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caermis · 4 years

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❝Hesitation.❞

❖Karasuno 1st years X Black!Reader

❖Reader: Female ❖Characters: ↠Hinata S. ↠Kageyama T. ↠Tsukishima K. ↠Yamaguchi T.

❖Word Count: 2.2k

❖Warnings: ↠None ❖Prompt/Summary: I tried to ignore these feelings. I really did. ❖Notes: ↠Team Captains are next-

❝Haikyuu!! M.List❞ ❝Taglist Request❞

Dedication.

❖To Kageyama and Hinata, that’s all that mattered. Volleyball. That’s all that made their hearts flutter and feel immense joy. So what made you different? A foreigner from a different country, that seemed to always be writing or reading in a language they didn't understand. Hair that stood out, E/C eyes, a wider nose, and bigger lips.

You were in Kageyama’s eyes, weird and strange. In Hinata’s, you were different and new.

❖A third-year student, that seemed to know not a single thing about Volleyball, so why were you in the gym where they practiced. They watched you glanced around the room before landing on Asahi and racing over to him. You both talked silently, a smile spreading across your lips as he passed over a notebook. A notebook Hinata and Kageyama had seen you writing in.

Why did Asahi have it?

❖They watched you leave, happier than you came, and before they knew it, they were surrounding Asahi and why you were here. “She let me read one of her stories.” He stumbled over his words, inching away from them.

Stories. So you wrote stories.

Kindness.

❖You were kind, even if neither of them talked to you, you seemed sweet. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi had met kind people before, so another one didn't impact their life. You looked different and spoke with an accent and at times spoke in broken Japanese. Yet you what made you stand out besides being a foreigner?

In Tsukishima’s eyes, nothing. In Yamaguchi’s, everything.

❖Another day walking through the same halls, and they had passed a certain classroom. Your classroom. Peeking through the windows, you seemed upset. Not the usual smile, or the resting bitch face you had, you looked sad.

Why were you sad?

❖You repeatedly tapped your pencil against the blank page, you had writer's block. Or maybe you didn't want to write, but maybe you had to. “Hey L/N!” The two watch Sugawara walk into the room sitting across from you, still not noticing the two 1st years, your smile had returned as you spoke with your friend?

Did he make you happy?

❖A volleyball game and everyone was on edge. They would surely lose, but what was different? You appeared with a smile before the game and wished them the best. Hinata and Yamaguchi believed they could do anything, especially with you on the sidelines with Coach Ukai. Kageyama and Tsukishima both refused to lose in front of a 3rd year, especially if this was your first Volleyball game for their team.

They won.

❖“Congratulations on winning.” A small smile across your lips, you stared at them with pride. “Thank you for believing in us L/N!” Hinata was the first to speak to you, he couldn't hold in his excitement. “You did amazing Shōyō.” You had known their names.

❖“Do you know mine!?” Kageyama went next. He refused to let Hinata of all people have your attention. But why? “Kageyama Tobio. I know all your names.” Did it matter to you? They wanted to know why.

❖Every game, they invited you too. Hinata coming to you jumping up and down about a new move he learned and how you just had to see it in action. Kageyama would leave a note on your desk, or just expect you to come to the game. Yamaguchi would shyly mention that he had practiced, and he did better if you were there. Tsukishima would just say the date and time of the game and walk off.

To you. It was very obvious they liked you.

❖Your graduation came sooner than they hoped. Not once ever confessing until that night you were to head back to America. They all showed up on your doorstep and confessed in the dead of the night. They expected to be shot down, to be rejected, but all you did was let out a soft sigh.

“Find me again once you graduate. I’ll tell you if I like you or not.”

❖The next day, they watched your plane leave.

❖Kageyama and Tsukishima wanted to move on. They wanted to forget about you, to ignore you and devote all their time to volleyball, but how could they. That night Tsukishima gave you a pair of his headphones, demanding that when you both met again, you’d give them back. Kageyama gave you his volleyball, saying it was good luck, and he’d need it back.

❖Two years passed like a breeze at their last High school Volleyball game. Sugawara, Asahi, and Daichi all sat in the stands cheering them on, and there you stood, near the back with a smile.

“Good luck!”

❖How’d they hear you over the loud cheers of the crowd, no one was sure, but they did. Tsukishima’s headphones around your neck and Kageyama’s volleyball tucked beneath into your arm. Hinata’s scarf wrapped loosely around your neck, along with a headband that kept your hair in a puff, that Yamaguchi bought as your graduation gift.

❖They won that game. Play harder than before, but before they could greet you. You had disappeared.

You were in Japan, that’s all that mattered.

❖“You're going to keep hiding from them?” Settling into the guest bedroom, Sugawara stared at me with a questionable look as he placed my bags to the side. “I'm not hiding.”

“Then why won't you go see them?”

“I'm just waiting.”

“They have feelings for you. I hope you see them at graduation.” Turning to Suga and slipping the headphones off and plopping down on the edge of my bed. “I will.”

“Oh, my goddess Y/N. You actually like them back!” Suga grabbed my face and stared into my eyes. His smile spread across his lips. Slapping his face away, I turned my head to the side. “I don't...”

“I gotta tell Daichi!”

Hesitation.

❖Most things I've accomplished within my life I had been hesitant on. Coming to Japan, I wanted to, but I was hesitant. I would be on my own. Writing, something that I believed myself in most times, to where I published a book, and it did well. Yet I was hesitant to share it to Asahi, but I did. My first volleyball game I went to, seeing Karasuno play, I was hesitant to go. Like I was a bad omen, and I would mess them up somehow.

My feelings.

❖I tried, I really did. An 18-year-old being in love with a few 16 years old, that’s depressing. When I went back to America, I tried to go on different dates, move on, but it didn't work. With Tsukishima’s headphones tucked neatly on my desk and Kageyama’s ball in the corner of my old apartment. With Hinata’s scarf hanging on the wall and Yamaguchi’s headband on my dresser. Every day, I saw these items, every day I wanted to contact them, but I didn't. I didn't want these feelings to be true.

❖So why did I come back to Japan if I wanted to forget them so badly? It was their last volleyball game, and I wanted to see it in person. So before I knew it, I was on the next plane to Japan and stayed at a hotel before contacting my old classmates. In a place that felt so foreign two years ago, became my home. I cried when I saw them.

The volleyball game

❖I didn't them to know I was here, so when all their eyes whipped up to me, I broke and quickly ran once the game ended. I couldn't face my feelings. I regretted it, too far to turn back. Too late to run and apologize. I hesitated again.

“Dammit.”

❖Graduation came sooner than I expected. The next thing I knew I was sitting with Sugawara and Daichi waiting for the once baby flightless crows to walk across the stage. Every fiber in my being wanted to run and leave, while the other half of me refused to listen to my panicking brain and im 100% sure that if I attempted, Daichi would drag me right on back. Letting out a soft breath before my ears picked up Hinata’s name and he proudly strutting across the stage. He had grown taller. He looked out into the crowd, scanning his eyes across before landing on me.

❖Feeling my heart stop, I watched his smile widened before he left the stage.

❖Kageyama was next, walking across the stage seeming to know exactly where I was. Averting my eyes quickly, I could still feel his intense glare. Daichi and Koushi making fun of me, which earned them a painful pinch on the shoulder. Tsukishima went next, then Yamaguchi. Their stares less intense but determined. All mentally vowing to find me, I made a promise after all.

❖Soon the ceremony was over, letting me dart outside before the crowd came and get some fresh air. Mentally psyching myself up for this encounter. “Found you.” Stiffening in my position, I slowly turned around. It was Kageyama. And he is tall, staring down at me before glancing down at the old volleyball in my hands. “You kept it... Why?” Looking at the volleyball before passing it to him. “You said it was good luck and to give it back to you.”

❖“They got yo’ ass surrounded!”

❖Hearing Koushi yell, before I realized it, the four volleyball players surrounded me. “We graduated Y/N.” Hearing Tsukishima mutter, just as warm arms hugged me from behind, careful to avoid my hair. “I've missed you Y/N...”

❖“Shōyō,” Muttering quietly, my hand moving up to his head, softly patting it before remembering where we were. Pulling away, I turned and faced all of them. “Congrats.” Smiling, I looked towards Koushi and Daichi for help, but they only waved happily, before mouthing that they'll text me where to meet for dinner. “You owe us an answer.”

❖“Right now?” Tsukishima rolled his eyes and before I knew it, I was being pushed through the crowd and towards the empty gym. An answer… I didn't want to admit it, I didn't want to say that whatever i felt, love, was true. That i felt what I did for them. Yet at the same time I was ready, ready to tell them. Tsukishima was the one to slide the gym doors open, letting Yamaguchi and Hinata push me inside, Kageyama close behind. Hearing the gym doors shut, I turned around, facing them. Standing on the court, I pulled off Tsukishima’s headphones and passed them to him.

❖“Keep them.”

❖“You told me to give them back--”

❖“I lied. I don't need them.”

❖Dropping my hand to my side, I felt like I was in high school again. “I still like you a lot, L/N.” Yamaguchi spoke confidently, his hands in his pockets. “I know.” Muttering, avoiding their gazes. “Do you like us?” Turning to Hinata, I took a hesitant step back, clutching the headphones tightly.

❖“It’s fine if you say no.” Kageyama shoved his hands in his pockets, letting his old volleyball drop and roll to my feet. If I say no, I’ll be running away. Regretting this decision. Covering my eyes with one hand, a shaky breath left my lips as tears spilled from my eyes. “I tried to ignore these feelings. I really did, but i missed y’all a lot while i was away...it scared me to be honest. That I fell in love with four different people. That I... I couldn't decide--” I explained everything, while crying my eyes out. It felt like a heavy burden was off of my shoulders, that I could finally be honest.

❖Once I stopped crying, I looked up. Both Hinata and Yamaguchi in tears, Tsukishima with a smirk, and Kageyama with a rare smile.

Dedication.

❖To Kageyama and Hinata, that’s all that mattered. Volleyball. That’s all that made their hearts flutter and feel immense joy. So what made you different? Maybe it was the way your lips curled up in embarrassment when you became flustered or when you looked fully entranced by something you read. Or when you always held their hand as they walked or you cheering loudly in the crowd, always making time for them to appear. Or when you introduced them to western ideas and food.

You were in Kageyama’s eyes, different and strange. To make his heart flitter like volleyball did to place a gentle hand on his shoulder and comfort him.

In Hinata’s, you were understanding and loving, to indulge him on his late night walks, and even after he’d lose you’d be proud of him.

Kindness.

❖You were kind, even after knowing you for years, you were sweet. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi had met kind people before, so why did another one impact their life so differently? You being their biggest cheerleader and helping them every step of the way, or never you choosing between them and choosing to compromise. Or after a long day passing out in their arms only to wake up at three am with 15 different story ideas.

In Tsukishima’s eyes, nothing. You were nothing like the other kind of people he had met. None made his heart so full or raise his body temperature.

In Yamaguchi’s, everything, like the kind people he had met, but yours was 10x, you believed in his capabilities and that alone was more than you could ask.

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! poly #poly relationship #kagehina x reader poly #tsukkiyama x reader poly #kagehina #tsukkiyama #x black reader #Kageyama Tobio #Hinata Shōyō #tsukishima kei #yamaguchi tadashi #kageyama x black reader #hinata x black reader #tsukishima x black reader #yamaguchi x black reader #anime #anime x black reader #haikyuu x black reader

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shinydocsberrytea · 3 years

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12/15/21 3:33pm - today i found a screenshot in my camera roll that was from 7th or 8th grade. it was a screenshot of a website that said “2 week diet - lose all your body fat!” & obviously young me thought that sounded amazing. i’ve tried a lot of different things since then. i did the keto diet freshmen yr, lost 15 lbs & gained it back & more. did keto sophomore yr & lost 15 lbs & gained it back & more. i started high school around 150lbs & ended around 180. but that’s really only bc i developed a binge eating disorder at the beginning of the pandemic & i wasn’t able to even admit i had a problem until 15 months later. my parents have no idea that i ever had a binge eating disorder. they don’t know i’m anorexic now. i never experienced high school at a healthy weight. it wasn’t until i graduated where i tried keto for the 3rd time. i went 4 months w/o cheating on my diet a single time & lost 45 lbs. i think it’s because that time, i wasn’t dieting bc i hated the way i look. (that’s why i did it in the past & i always ended up deciding i looked fine and quitting.) in june i started dieting bc my mom told me i couldn’t wear the shirt i had on to the beach bc i looked terrible & my fat was hanging out. i had such an intense panic attack bc i remember feeling confident that day & had thought i looked great. & my dad sitting in silence clearly meant he agreed w her. she had never been so direct before. yeah they’ve both made comments abt my weight & what i eat my entire life but never something so upfront. that’s how i knew my weight had gotten past the point of acceptable a long time ago. this was just the 1st time someone was fucking honest w me. i had been sleepwalking through my life for months. i would wake up & eating was the 1st thing i thought of. i isolated myself & hoarded food in my room. i would eat like 5-12 full meals a day & probably like 3000-5000 cals daily. i ate until it hurt. i would only hangout w my friends that ate super large portions of unhealthy food. i look back at pictures of myself from senior year & almost wish my mom had told me that earlier. yeah it’s sad that it took other people telling me how unattractive i was for me to change but that was the only thing that worked. i look & feel so much better & happier now. & i’d binge every single day bc i would always smoke weed before i ate so i could just keep eating & eating. i’ve been smoking weed since i was 15 & i basically smoke weed daily. so when i developed BED i blamed it only on the disorder itself when in actuality, i would never have been able to eat that much everyday w/o pot. part of me definitely knew that at the time. but the thought of giving up weed was so terrifying bc i have pretty severe anxiety & PTSD & probably ocd & some minor anger issues so being a normal person w/o weed sounded extremely daunting. but since early nov my binging has been out of control. this is bc in oct i had cheated on my diet for the 1st time in months & once i did that, returning to never cheating was impossible. also the dining hall at my college is basically just a buffet. u can go back however many times. & there’s always desserts. i came home for xmas break in the middle of a week long binging episode. i was addicted to all the things i was consuming so i thought to myself, i’ll just binge 4 the entirety of xmas break. there’s so much good food at my house that i don’t have to pay for. but then i had a super long talk w my gf sunday night, & i explained in my last post how that altered my perspective. sunday was the last time i smoked weed. this is my first voluntarily break from weed in yrs. i gained 15 lbs before & at the start of xmas break. but since i stopped smoking i’ve lost 10lbs. it’s fucking insane, i’ll eat healthy food when i’m hungry & stop when i’m full. i haven’t experienced normal hunger signals in yrs. it’s incredible. i’ll start smoking weed again when i go back to college, but my goal is to smoke b4 sex, car rides w loud music, playing the piano, etc. instead of getting high just to eat. food is just a small part of life.

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bangtan-madi · 4 years

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Year of the Rabbit — Four: Resolutions

Pairing — Jungkook x Reader, Hoseok x Yoongi, Taehyung x Jimin

Tags — best friend!Jungkook, non-idol au, flower shop au, gym au, florist!MC, gym owner!Jungkook, brother!Namjoon, friends to lovers, slow burn, mutual pining

Genre — fluff, slight angst

Word Count — 3.9k

Summary — Blame it on the storm or the secret feelings or the snow-in, but one thing is for sure: a lot can happen to two best friends when they're confined to their stores overnight.

Warnings — language

Part — 4 / 7

Previous — Next

When you've gathered a couple pans and utensils, you scurry back to the baker. The moment to yourself made things a bit easier to hide. But the thought of Jungkook's closeness still presses against your mind's backdoor. When you return, it's even harder to ignore. He's meticulously counting ingredients, lips pursed in an adorable manner. He's organized the containers around him, with the portable stovetop in front. In the makeshift kitchen, he's completely at home as he chops protein for the Tteokguk. Sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the beautiful array of ink is on display. He sits cross-legged, oddly domestic in front of the bakery.

"You just gonna stand there, or are you going to get down here and help me?"

You shake your head and walk towards the dimly-lit space. On the way, you admire the colorful array of rainbow lights around you. "They really went all-out with the Lunar New Year decor, didn't they?"

Jungkook takes the pans and utensils you offer him, muttering a swift thank you. "They're pretty. I think they give the space a nice ambiance."

As he measures ingredients, you remove the blanket from your shoulders, fold it several times over, and use it as a cushion. Jungkook's skilled hands work on measuring the oils and spices, along with a healthy dose of soy sauce. He places each ingredient in small bowls and sets them off to the side.

"How'd you get the power for the stovetops?"

"The generator's through the door behind the bakery," he replies. "I plugged it in and borrowed some from that." He nods to the bottled water at his side. "Can you get some water going on the stove? Fill it up halfway. That should be enough."

"Then we add the brisket, right?" It takes four or five bottles before the pot on the largest of the three burners is to your liking. "I barely remember this from when Mom used to make it."

Jungkook smiles up at you as he offers a smaller dish of protein. His arm maneuvers around the burner, avoiding the heat source to not risk any burns. "And the garlic."

You shake your head, and after the water begins to boil, you add both ingredients. "It's a good thing you remember this, Gym Bunny. Otherwise, we'd both starve."

"No need to thank me for that," he snickers. "What you should be thanking me for is coming back for you at all. I could've stayed at your nice, warm apartment with the damn cat, but no. I braved the winter storm—"

"—Like an idiot—"

"—To save your ass. You're welcome."

"Maybe you should've stayed with Elizabeth the 3rd, then! I could've made it out on my own, or found this place, and would've had some nice peace and quiet."

Jungkook rolls his eyes. As he reaches for a knife, placing the edge of the sharp blade against the green onion, he winces. The painful twitch of both his expression and his fingers isn't lost on you. He tries to grip the knife again, and when you glance down, you see his fingers are still tinged red from the cold. That hour he spent trekking from your apartment to the flower shop took a toll on him. It's one that he's refused to acknowledge.

"Dumbass," you mutter under your breath. Reaching across, you take the utensil from his tattooed hands. You slide the makeshift cutting board (an upside-down plate) over to your side of the little kitchen. "Stop trying to grip things. Your fingers are still half-frozen."

Jungkook relents, which surprises you in and of itself. He doesn't comment on the state of his hands. He only moves onto the next task of separating the egg yolks from the whites.

Your attention shifts from the green onions up to your best friend. It's difficult not to be caught off-guard by his silence. "You okay, Kookie?"

The brunet's dark eyes move up to yours, and he gives a soft smile. "Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry, didn't realize they were still hurt...and you know how I feel about not being able to do things."

You finish the chopping and set the greens aside. "Don't beat yourself up about it. You need to learn to lean on others from time to time. A little teamwork won't kill you."

"It won't?"

A loud laugh slips out at his snide comment, which brings back Jungkook's adorable smile. He continues to tell you what to prep next, and as the minutes pass, you find yourself slipping into a rhythm with him. It's not the first time you've cooked together; far from it. Between after-school study sessions in high school, midnight mental health breakdowns in college, and post-education hangouts, the two of you have made a mess plenty of times. Much to Yoongi's dismay.

A chuckle slips out at the sudden resurgence of those college-era memories. "What do you think Yoongi would say if he saw us here right now, trying to make Tteokguk in the middle of a supermarket?"

Jungkook giggles as he adds the rice cakes to the boiling brisket and water, along with most of the spices and oils. "He'd probably just roll his eyes and warn us to clean up or he'd bury our bodies in the woods. His reaction doesn't scare me as much as Seokjin's."

The mention of your mutual friend causes you to double-over in laughter. Seokjin, the most traditional Korean man you know, would be horrified. "He'd probably just...die."

"But not before he'd scream at us," Jungkook adds, raising the large wooden spoon and gesturing to you. His eyes widen and he changes his voice to mimic Seokjin's satoori. "You can't just cook Tteokguk like that! What are you thinking? You're lucky you're not my son or I would have disowned you if I saw you using pre-made, frozen rice cakes! Hey! Stop it! I raised you better than this!"

The impression is spot-on, so much so that it has you gasping for air and red in the face from laughing. Tears burn your eyes, and you wave your hand at Jungkook, a silent plead for him to stop. You're unlucky enough that your best friend is a slight sadist and enjoys seeing you lose your mind.

"If you think it's so funny to cheat out on a thousand years of Korean cuisine history, then go ahead! But not in my house, and you have to be obedient to me because I'm an older person!"

"Stop, stop, stop," you gasp, curling in on yourself as you fall over onto the soft blanket. "It. Hurts."

Jungkook continues his impression. His expression and voice grow more dramatic as time goes on. "Is this the thanks I get for buying your meals, huh? Do you know how many times I did that when you were a broke college freshman? I can't even count on my fingers! I don't have enough! I can't calculate! Because I secretly can't count!"

"Jeon Jungkook!" you rasp, smiling so wide your face hurts. "Please, god, stop."

Finally, he relents, voice shifting to a collection of giggles. Your breathing returns to normal, and your facial redness subsides. "You okay there, Flower Child?"

"I will kill you."

Jungkook smirks as he begins to add the final ingredients to the Tteokguk. "Highly doubt that. Especially with the Tteokguk almost done!"

Pulling yourself back into a seated position, you give Jungkook a pouty expression. "You promised me Hwajeon." You hold up a container of edible flowers.

The brunet chuckles at your childish expression. He rolls his sleeves up a little farther, showing more of his tattoo sleeve in the process. He pushes the bag of flour to your side of the burners. "Have at it then. I'll finish up the Teokguk while you fry the cakes."

Your smile widens and you take the ingredients with eager hands. As you measure, Jungkook begins final preparations for the meal. He adds nori and strips of fried egg yolks. The smells that fill the supermarket are divine. For a moment, you forget the situation that brought you here. The blizzard outside. The lack of power. The fact that you're trapped in the store until morning. None of it matters anymore. Jeon Jungkook has always had that effect on you; he excels at making people forget their problems and sadness. It's one of the reasons you missed him more than life while spending time as an exchange student.

"What're you thinking about?" he asks, after a moment of silence.

Shrugging your shoulders, you begin to roll the ball of warm dough into smaller balls and prep them for frying. "Just about the past year. A lot's happened." You take a few of the edible flowers and press one into the flattened face of each bough ball. "A lot's changed."

Jungkook nods his agreement, once again stirring the pot. When he speaks again, his voice is softer. "How do you feel about your last semester at university?"

"Glad it's finally almost done," you scoff. "Been a long time coming. I loved traveling abroad, but it made me realize that what I have here with my friends, with the shop...this is home. Once the three of us graduate, I bet business will pick up."

Jungkook's shoulders relax, and he sighs in a way that almost sounds relieved. "So you think you're with those two idiots for the long-haul, huh?"

Thinking of Hoseok and Yoongi brings a sentimental smile to your face. You toss the first round of flattened dough into the oiled skillet. "I think so. We all work together well, and I love Seoul. I don't see myself living anywhere else, really. As a small business owner, you know what I mean when I say you're kinda anchored to your business."

"At least you have an online aspect," he snickers. Reaching for the serving bowls, he nods his chin towards the front of the store, as if to his gym across the street. "Can't exactly work out virtually."

"Ha! I wish."

"But I get what you mean, and honestly? I'm glad to hear it. I was kinda worried you'd end up loving the U.S. and...I don't know, want to move out of Korea or something."

As you flip the Hwajeon over, your gaze drifts upward. Jungkook's hair hangs over his eyes, but under that, you can see a rosy blush spread across his cheeks. His lip is between his teeth as he focuses on pouring the soup without spilling. If you didn't know better, you'd say he was embarrassed.

"Would you miss me if I did?"

The question comes out without you thinking too hard about it. From the way Jungkook keeps his eyes away from yours, you second-guess if it was the right thing to ask. God knows it could be read into pretty easily. But the little feeling in the back of your mind, the one you'd locked away, has found a lock-pick. It's desperately trying to free itself. It wants to know the answer. For that reason, you wait with bated breath for a response.

"Like hell," he admits. "You're my best friend. I go to you about everything. I...don't know what my life would be like if I didn't have you in it, to be honest."

His words are sentimental, filled with truth, and drag out a complex array of feelings. You're both elated and terrified. Mostly the former, but the tiny prick of dread in your chest won't go away. Your realization from earlier in the evening is accompanied by these intense feelings.

And since you have no idea what to do with them, you answer the best way you can, through a clouded mind. "Well, you don't need to worry, Bunny. I'm not going anywhere."

Jungkook's eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles. Finishing with the plating, he nods to the Hwajeon. "About done?”

"What? Oh—yeah. Just about."

He passes you a plate and turns off both burners. "Then let's eat. Put them on the plate and follow me. I found the perfect place for a Lunar New Year meal."

After the Hwajeon is plated and the dual bowls of Tteokguk are on a platter, Jungkook leads you towards the front area of the supermarket. It's farther down than you previously ventured. It's past the food and drink to the small home goods, clothing, and electronics section. He must've come across it when he was looking for the burners.

In the corner, next to the large windows at the front, there's a window display similar the one at the flower shop. It's a cubby of sorts, where the bay windows extended into the sidewalk. There used to be mannequins displayed with a variety of winter clothing. Jungkook's shoved them aside. In their place, he's arranged several blankets and pillows around a low table. He's even pushed one of the storage bins up behind the pillows to have something to lean back against.

"You did all this by yourself?" you ask.

Jungkook nods, sets the food onto the low table, and settles onto one of the cushions with a sigh. "You took forever getting the utensils, so I came over here and messed with some stuff." He pats the spot beside him. "The snow's lightening a bit. It looks so pretty from inside. Maybe we'll even see some fireworks in a little while."

You take your seat beside him, trying to ignore the fact that his thigh presses against yours and his arm brushes your shoulder when he offers you your bowl. For a moment, your eyes lock. Jungkook averts his attention, his dimple popping out as he purses his lips.

Taking it with a small "thank you" and slight bow of your head, you turn your gaze from the awkward boy down to the meal. Inhaling the aroma, you let a lazy smile spread across your face.

"Holy shit, this smells amazing."

"Just like Mom's," he breathes. Turning to the side, he holds up his glass bowl towards yours. "Cheers?"

"To a Happy New Year." You tap your bowl against his, giggling at the soft clink that it makes.

After digging in and continuing to praise yourselves on a job well done, you change the topic of conversation. "So, you have any New Year's resolutions?"

"Isn't that an American thing?"

"It never hurts to look forward," you say in a snide tone, rolling your eyes at Jungkook's grin. "Fess up. What are you looking forward to in the Year of the Rabbit?"

Jungkook settles back against the pillows, taking another sip from the broth. "You first."

"Well..." you trail off, watching the blizzard slow to a soft fluttering of snowflakes outside the neon-lit window. "Kinda already told you mine, to be honest. Graduate. Grow the shop. Expand the business. Things of that nature."

"What about in your personal life?"

"Well, now that you mention it, I wanna get back to Ilsan to visit Mom and Dad more. I should also probably track down Joon and spend more time with h—"

"—Not what I meant, [Y/n]," Jungkook interrupts.

You tilt your head when you glance at him out of the corner of your eye. "What did you mean then?"

The brunet shrugs and grabs a piece of Hwajeon. "You've been single ever since you dated that douche in high school. What was his name?"

"Ugh, Hae-song," you groan, not at all enjoying the resurgence of your exes name.

"Yeah! That one," Jungkook chuckles. "I get best friend rights to know if you're seeing anyone lately."

"Awfully brave of you to assume that Hae-song was my last boyfriend."

Jungkook's eyes widen. "Did I miss something—Wait, when you were in the States?"

You nod once and set your finished bowl aside, glancing over your shoulder at the drink aisle a few meters away. Hopping up, you scurry over and grab a couple of bottles of you and Jungkook's favorites. "This conversation's going to need some soju," you murmur under your breath. "I can feel it."

Settling back down at his side, you offer one of the bottles to Jungkook with a tired smile. Cracking yours open with ease, you take a long sip before settling back against the cushions. Jungkook opens his in silence and allows you to collect your thoughts.

"Yeah, I met a guy," you admit. "He was another exchange student from Daegu. Whatever the odds, he ended up in the same group as me. We studied together a lot, and then we started dating a few weeks in."

"Are you still together?"

"God no," you reply, shaking your head fervently. "I would've told you if I was by now. We broke up a little before I left. He wanted to stay in the States long-term, as in, like, get a work Visa and move there. I'm not about a long-distance relationship. So we both thought it best to go our separate ways."

Jungkook nods along to your story, doing his best to understand where you're coming from. "Do you miss him?"

"Not really. He was nice and all, but we weren't all that close. I knew what I wanted out of life; so did he. Neither of us was gonna change, so it was easier to let go."

"Oh..." he breathes, then takes another gulp of the alcoholic beverage.

"Sounds horrible when I say it like that." You laugh it off, then bump your shoulder against Jungkook's. His silence makes you a tiny bit smug, and his intense focus on the soju bottle invites a little giggle to escape. "Is someone jealous?"

Through flustered words, Jungkook manages to sputter, "Yeah, you wish. I...again, would've missed the hell out of you if you'd stayed. For a second, you scared me."

In a burst of bravery, aided by the alcohol in your system, you reach for Jungkook's free hand. Your fingers brush against his tattooed knuckles as you hold it between your own. Your touch is gentle. Even more so when you notice the slight scarlet hue that still ruminates on his fingertips.

You smile, softly running a forefinger across the ink on the back of his hand. "I hope you believe me when I say I'm not leaving."

Jungkook doesn't move an inch as your hands rest on his. He barely even breathes, afraid to move or speak or exhale. If it means running the risk of pushing you away by accident, he'd rather stay frozen for the rest of the night.

"Promise, jagiya?"

Emphasis is given to your words as you hook your smaller pinky around his. Despite the cold outside, his skin is warm, and the touch sends sparks through your body. It doesn't help that he's close enough to hear your breathing. Close enough to rest his head on yours if he wanted to. Close enough kiss if you wanted to.

You shove that thought away, squeezing your pinky to mask your true feelings. "I promise." Embarrassed, you let his hand drop to his thigh and cross your arms over your chest. The action readjusts you to put a little more space between you both, much to Jungkook's dismay. "Your turn, Gym Bunny. What are your resolutions?"

"You never answered my question, though."

Rolling your eyes, you retort, "Fine. No, I'm not seeing anyone, nor do I have anyone in mind. Happy? Now, your turn."

Though taken back by your sudden withdrawal from him, Jungkook tries to focus on the question instead of the way the ghost of your touch lingers on his tattooed knuckles. "Well, like you, I wanna grow the business. Jimin and I are planning to look at some locations in Gangnam later this spring. If all goes well until then, we're going to open a second location before the year's up."

"That's great, Kookie!"

Your best friend chuckles at your enthusiasm. "We're excited. Feels like a step in the right direction. Growth, y'know?"

"What about personal life?" you inquire. "Don't think you're getting out of that one either. You broke up with your girlfriend before the holidays. Interested in anyone else lately?"

"Actually...there is someone," Jungkook admits. He reaches for another bite of Hwajeon and offers you a second piece. "I'm not sure they see me the same way as I see them, though."

"How do you know?"

He shrugs again. "A feeling. I realized how I felt about them last fall, which is why I broke up with my ex. We weren't in love, and we both knew that."

"All this while I was gone?" you ask, feeling a sense of dread wash over you. Maybe he was lying before when he said he hadn't met anyone new in the time you were gone. From the way he's talking now, it sounds like he's interested in someone else.

"Yeah. It's been building for a while, I think, but it only hit me right before the holidays."

Popping the cap off the second bottle of soju, you take a long swig before adding, "Sounds like you got it bad, Bunny. Why haven't you said anything to them?"

"Scared of messing up?" he replies, answering it more like a question than a statement, as if he's unsure himself. "Scared of what they'd do. Scared of ruining our relationship now. Scared that it'll end up being one-sided." The brunet finishes his bottle and places it on the table. "I was lucky with my ex; both of us realized that we weren't right for the other. What if, this time, I let myself fall, only to have the rug ripped out from under me?"

If you're honest, hearing his concerns about the person he's falling for gives you a plethora of mixed feelings. Half of you desperately wants to believe he's talking about you. The other half is terrified that he's thinking of someone else. His words could lend themselves either way. You've only ever been best friends. And you realize how long it took you to finally realize your true feelings. You doubt that he's come to the same conclusion, at the same time.

No one is that lucky.

Even as your chest aches, the wish for him to be happy—no matter what—forces you to put your own emotions aside. "Do you trust this person?"

"Yes."

"Okay. And do they trust you?"

"I think so. I hope so."

You offer your companion a second bottle, which he gladly takes. "Do you think you could truly be happy if you kept your feelings to yourself? If you never told them?"

"Probably not," he sighs, forcing a smile. "I don't see this feeling going away anytime soon."

"Then, in my humble opinion, you gotta tell them. Even if it's scary, even if it ends up being awkward, even if you feel like it might be one-sided. You're not going to rest easy until it's out in the open." Your blatant hypocrisy is not lost on you, even as you speak. "If you really feel this way about this person, I don't think there's another option."

"And if they reject me?"

"'Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all'?"

Taglist — @kooala

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inspiration2001 · 4 years

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A New Beginning: Chapter 1

Soulmate AU - Savannah is a 21 year old woman, after a family tragedy she moves to New Orleans to attend Tulane University for her 3rd year. She seems like a normal college girl, going to parties, many lovers, beautiful, kind, but what no one knows is that she is supernatural sexual fantasy. She has one large secret, while traveling to her new home she made a pit stop in Mystic Falls, and had the night of her life with the man whose aura was the brightest she had ever experienced. A month later, she walks through the streets of New Orleans experiencing the fun of her new home only to be abducted.

PROLOGUE

Savannah POV

The last 6 months have been a whirlwind of events. After fleeing from my home state and quickly enrolling in Tulsa University for my 3rd year as a Psychology major, I am ready to look forward into the future. I am ready to meet new guys and have fun again. I am tired of being sad and crying all the time waiting for time to rewind and I can go back to happy times with my family, but life is unfair.

1 month ago, I made the decision to stop wallowing in on myself, and to get back into school. 1 month ago I had the best night of my life, I met a guy. No, I met a man named Nik. I went out to the bar ready to spend my night in another nameless man's bed drowning myself in the feelings to forget my emotions. Then this man came to me and introduced himself as Nik, and when our hands touched I felt sparks.

My mama always used to tell me that when electricity shoots through you where a person touched, it means they are your soulmate, I wish I had remembered that, it would have made life much more understandable.

After the sparks, came the drinks, and the smooth talking. Next thing I know is I am having the best sex of my life, and its like part of my soul opened up. I never wanted to tell my family what I had done for them, so they never knew I was a succubus. My mama’s stories of soulmates never made sense to me as a human, but when I awakened in this new life as a succubus I used to dream of finding my soulmate or soulmates.

First the sparks, then the aches, and then the physical connection finishes the bond and once the bond is complete the two halves cannot be separated for long without there being extreme pain. Soulmates become each other's greatest weakness’ and their greatest strengths.

Walking down Bourbon Street, I enter a bar called Rousseaus. As I sit down at the bar, I notice these girls in the kitchen immediately turn to look at me. I subtly sniff the air and smell the scent of witches. Hmm thats fun, I heard of the supernatural community being quite large in New Orleans it was one of the reasons I chose this place to be my new home.

I sit down at the bar, ignoring the stares, and see this cute little blonde walking my way.

“Hi, my name is Cami. What can I get for you today?” she says in a very friendly voice.

“Hello darlin, rum and coke please” I say to Cami, who gets a small blush.

“You ok? Your eyes hold a lot of darkness in them. Sorry, psych major, I tend to let my mouth do the talking before my mind does the thinking” Cami said with a small chuckle.

“That’s alright darlin. I came to New Orleans to start over” I say with a smirk on my face, looking her right in the eyes I ask, “What school do you go to, darlin? I would love to visit you.”

Cami lightly giggles and blushes while saying, “I am a psychology graduate student at Tulsa University”

“Hmmm...well would you look at that. I happen to be a psychology undergraduate student” I lean forward and whisper into Cami’s ear, “maybe you can help me study” I wink and down the rest of my drink before getting up and walking out.

As I wander down the street, letting the emotions of everyone surround me and envelop me. God I love places where people drink, so much sexual energy for me to feed off. Out of no where I get a strong aroma of cinnamon and sex from an alley ahead of me, it is like a large beacon telling me to go near it. Walking down the alley, I whip around ready to get a look at the intruder's aura before I can. I feel a rag pressed to my mouth and within seconds I feel myself being carried out of the alley before the darkness welcomes me.

I wake up with the largest headache known to man. God, this is worse than when I was human and went on a camping trip with a few friends, and drank 2 bottles of tequila by myself.

“Oh good, you’re awake,”

“Who are you and why am I here?” I demand.

“Sophie Devaraux, you are here because you carry special cargo that the witches of New Orleans need.” she says with a malice intent in her eyes. What the fuck is she talking about?

“What the hell are you talking about?” I say with fury while staring her in the eyes..

“Before my sister died she had a special talent of knowing when a woman is pregnant,” Sophie said.

Fuck. Sophie is hunched over and her eyes are a little bloodshot. If her sister is really dead, the way she is acting is as if she was her only family, meaning she has nothing to lose now. People who have nothing to lose are the most dangerous people, and if what she is saying is true, then I am even more fucked. I can’t believe I didn’t even notice, I guess that would make sense then why I haven’t felt any pain. I was almost 100% sure that Nik was my soulmate, until I woke up in the morning and realized he wasn’t there. I was so sad, I almost cried. The sex was amazing, he was an amazing talker and it seemed like we really connected, but when I woke up without him and left him a note with my number with no response, I just assumed it was a fluke.

“What the hell are you saying right now? There is no way that I am pregnant, sorry but you have the wrong girl. Even if I was, why the hell is my baby so special?”

“No, you are definitely the right girl, there are only so many succubus’ in NOLA. My sister did not die for anything! You are also the only succubus to be impregnated by an original vampire,” she says with disdain.

Fuck, fuck, FUCK!! I thought I saw something weird in his aura, but he said all the right things at the right time, and all the tingles were there.

“Wonderful, now let me the fuck out of here now. I may be carrying an original baby, but you messed with the wrong girl,” I say with sarcasm and anger. As I look into Sophie’s eyes I try to let my aura do the work. If I can connect my aura with hers, then I can make her feel like she needs to protect me and help me, but for some reason I can’t seem to feel anything. I can see her aura, but I cannot seem to make hers connect with mine, in fact I can’t even feel what she or anyone around me feels. I haven’t noticed because I was so busy trying to figure out what the hell I am doing here.

“What have you done to me?” I say trying to fake anger, but in reality I am very scared. I haven’t been this vulnerable since I was human, and there was a reason I sold my soul to be what I am today.

“While my sister was doing the spell to make sure you were pregnant with the original hybrids baby, I did a spell that bound your powers, you are now average like the rest of the human population, and a little something else” Sophie says with malice and a smirk on her face.

“What else?” I say with fury dripping into every one of my words.

“What the fuck have you done to me, bitch?! I will kill you when this is over, my face will be the last one you see before the darkness takes over!” I yell at her.

“Well before that can happen, our guest has arrived,” Sophie says with a sense of calmness, but I can see in her aura that she has a twinge of scaredness.

Who the fuck is she talking about now? I swear to God, I am so done with this all. I found I am pregnant, I am not a full succubus anymore, and now I am trapped with the witches. God knows what else means to Sophie in terms of what she has done to me! Even though I just found out that I am pregnant, I cannot help but feel connected to the baby already.

I rub my stomach while thinking this baby is the only positive thing that has happened to me tonight. I always dreamed of having a big family with my soulmate or soulmates. My dreams didn’t necessarily have this exact scenario, but oh well this baby will be taken care of that they will never have to go through what I did. As I continue to daydream about my baby and if I will ever be able to find Nik again, I am interrupted by a pair of witches.

“Get up!” one of the henchmen demands.

“Excuse you, I am not going anywhere,” I say with a hand on my stomach.

Before I can say anything, I am grabbed by my upper arm, ripping my hand off my belly while being dragged out of whatever room they had me in. They take me to another area of whatever this place is, and I am confronted with a sight of a handsome man, oh dear not again.

#the originals fanfiction #the originals #klaus mikealson x reader #niklaus mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #elijah mikealson x reader #kol mikaelson #finn mikaelson #rebekah mikaelson #hayley marshall #Smut #original character #niklaus mikaleson #reader #tvd fanfiction #kol mikaelson x reader #finn mikaelson x reader

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altumvidetur · 5 years

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Haikyuu!! Fic Recs (MatsuHana)

Fic Recs Masterpost

So, I was thinking about the coronavirus pandemic and what I could do to help people out. I’m isolated because I’m at higher risk, so I can’t really offer to go out for my elderly neighbors or my family… but I thought I could try to help keep people entertained.

Because I don’t have an AO3 account right now, I’ve been compiling fic recs for my own amusement for a year or so. And I thought – maybe that’s the time to share these with everyone? So everyone will have plenty of things to read while they have to stay at home, or even to escape anxiety a little bit if you’re forced to go out.

Of course, these cater to my own tastes, so you may find stuff you don’t like around here. I never include works in progress. The Mature and Explicit works will be in italic. I ask you to READ THE WORK’S TAGS before continuing, so you won’t find anything that makes you uncomfortable.

I’ve decided to split it in a series of posts, starting with my OTPs. So here we go with some MatsuHana!

rated m for, by orphan_account

He should have known that there was a Specific Reason™ why it was so absolutely vital that he and Matsukawa specifically meet for a reading of the script. He should have known that there had to be some evil catch beyond sitting in a tiny, cramped studio with his newly sworn enemy.

Hanamaki stares at the title of the script he’d so gracefully neglected the night before.

FORBIDDEN PARADISE

“Excuse me,” Hanamaki starts, raising a pen in the air while staring blankly at the packet in his free hand. “Just to clarify, you want me to record a boy's love CD with Matsukawa?”

of weather, of leisurely tensions, by b_minor

Two boys share an umbrella.

Don’t Lie, Bright Eyes, by tookumade

“Where do you see yourself in twenty years?”

It’s nearly one in the morning and Matsukawa, tucked up comfortably in bed next to Hanamaki, is on the verge of drifting off into blissful sleep when the question stirs him.

“Why are you trying to give me a late-night existential crisis?” he mumbles.

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 4 - leaving home)

Roses, by h_lovely

(Summary by me: slow burn, friends to lovers, things are kinky, I’m pretty sure this is the best MatsuHana I’ve ever read.)

You’re in Pink (and I’m in blue), by Hyeyu

Takahiro held his gaze a few seconds in silence before he sighed. "...It's only been a week, okay? S'not serious yet."

“Not serious yet?” Something jumped in Matsukawa’s jaw and he abruptly released Takahiro’s hand, sending the petals cascading to the ground. Takahiro was going to have to clean them up before the others started streaming into the clubroom, and wouldn’t that be fun. “You’re coughing up fucking flowers, Hanamaki.”

“Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.”

Hanamaki Takahiro has 99 problems and Hanahaki flowers make up 98 of them.

Good Bad Ideas, by tookumade

When Oikawa asks his friends to help out at his nephew’s birthday party, they get a little more than they bargained for.

(written for Haikyuu!! Rarepair Week - Day 1 - beginnings, celebration)

texting (with a capital S), by parenthetic

Hanamaki breaks his No Texting In Class rule, and it's all downhill from there.

Wet Your Whistle, by darkmagicalgirl

Hanamaki gets a job as a bartender. Matsukawa likes his uniform. (Alternatively: Matsukawa tries to ignore his huge crush on his friend-with-benefits. He fails.)

[obnoxious clucking noises], by parenthetic

On the last night of their last training camp together, Oikawa has a bad idea, Hanamaki goes along with it, Iwaizumi sort of wishes he had better friends, and Matsukawa proves himself to be particularly adept at intimidation tactics.

Love Doesn’t Come with an Instruction Manual, by plumtrees

Seijou 3rd years (now college freshmen) go to ToyCon. Oikawa has a spaz attack over Star Wars, Iwaizumi is his designated babysitter, Hanamaki is adorable, and Matsukawa doesn't know how to deal.

Here Today And There Tomorrow, by tookumade

A first meeting on opposite sides of the volleyball net, and chance meetings afterwards without it.

A Ring of Cream, by plumtrees

Hanamaki has never been one for grand romantic gestures, has never been one for romantic gestures at all, but Matsukawa's a stubborn guy.

Who can't bake for shit.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa (mostly Iwaizumi, really) to the rescue.

Morning Glory, by darkmagicalgirl

On their days off, Hanamaki and Matsukawa's mornings follow a sort of routine.

Even Though It All Went Wrong, by plumtrees

It hadn’t always been so cold. Matsukawa remembers a time where the sun shone high, its rays bright and its heat pleasant like a blanket against his skin. He remembers Hanamaki holding his hand, remembers his cheeks hurting because he’d been grinning so much. Hanamaki had opened his arms wide, and Matsukawa ran straight for them, like he’d been magnetized. He picked up Hanamaki easily and twirled them around, danced with him until they both tumbled along the grass, laughing like idiots.

He remembers because it’s all he can do now.

Crescendo, by plumtrees

Day 1 for MatsuHana Week: Online

The voice continues to feed him instructions, the deep rumbling purrs reverberating across his body, each hiss and click of a consonant like a sharp bite, each roll of his tongue a slide of silk against his overheating skin.

Fuck, he loves it.

Somewhat Well-Kept Secrets, by tookumade

“Why don’t they just… date already?” said Iwaizumi.

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 2 - cream puffs, in the background)

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, by plumtrees

Day 3 of MatsuHana Week: Tattoos and Flower Shops

Hanamaki, cheeks as pink as his hair, says, "I was drunk."

"Okay?" Matsukawa prompts.

"And it's way too expensive to laser something this big."

Holy shit. "Okay?"

"Look, can't we just go with 'I made horrible life decisions in college that are now coming back to haunt me' and move on?"

morning, noon, night, by b_minor

A day in the life of two losers in love.

on the anatomy of crushes, by carafin

A part-by-part dissection of their relationship. Medical school AU.

‘See you tomorrow?’ Hanamaki asks. He’s still smiling faintly, still carrying about his usual air of quiet self-assurance, but there’s no mistaking the hopefulness in his voice. ‘On the bus, I mean.’

‘Yeah,’ Matsukawa says, and tries not to make it sound too much like a promise. ‘See you tomorrow.’

(Falling in love is really, ridiculously easy.)

Dating Is Not A Nine-To-Five, by tookumade

“What if,” said Hanamaki in a whisper, “we walk in and there’s a yakuza member getting his tattoos done, and he tries to kill us because we saw his face?”

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 3 - tattoos and flower shops, coffee shop)

To Fit Myself In The Spaces Between, by tookumade

It's late, a boring movie is on TV, and the remote control is nowhere in sight—and that suited them just fine.

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 4 - midnight, no control)

It’s not even close to your birthday, by squidmemesinc

The shoes look like they could be some kind of gothic lolita item, with thick, tall heels and Mary Jane straps that have little silver hearts on them. The socks are simple except that they run all the way up to his mid-thigh; the crisp white makes enough of a contrast with his skin that the colors flatter each other, rather than subdue them. Then there's the dress. It's just plain black, short and slim, though the skirt flares out at the waist. Takahiro's eyes run up it, stalling where it cuts off around the shoulders and has a wide boat neck trim with a thick ivory collar. The final piece is a simple pink ribbon—not even a necklace, just a ribbon—tied around his neck with the bow in the back.

Where Was I, When The Rockets Came To Life, by tookumade

In a city like this, there wasn’t much of a chance that they would meet again, and given Hanamaki’s current career of choice, if they did, then it was more than likely to be because of a cruel joke set up by fate. He was not about to let his heart be broken now. He had more important things to think about…

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 5 - glasses, piercing)

not like the movies, by bravely

“Here,” he says, offering the thumb back to Hanamaki. Absentmindedly, Hanamaki licks it back off. “Thanks.”

Then he blinks.

“Wait,” he says. “Shit, wait. Was that supposed to be romantic just then?”

“ — Well.” Matsukawa clears his throat. “You tell me, I guess?”

No One Else Like You, by auber_jean

"It’s not at all liberating to finally have it said out loud, because it makes it all that more real, and Matsukawa was doing really well pretending that he wasn’t in love with his best friend."

With the turn of graduation, Matsukawa finds himself choosing between a future that he has planned or something more.

live it up, drink it in, by puny

Hanamaki's not a detective, just a wing spiker with a hangover, but he's gonna figure out who gave him all these hickeys if it damn well kills him.

Begin, by Karasuno Volleygays

It's the last day of their high school years and the first day of the rest of their lives. As they spend the night under a blanket of stars, they can't help but wonder where will they go from here?

Playing Doubles, by squidmemesinc

“We always said we were going to fuck at every possible time of day,” Takahiro says, rolling his hips gently over Issei’s.

“I do remember saying that once. Do you have the calendar on hand?”

Captured Light, by plumtrees

“The smile you’re wearing in this photo,” Hanamaki continued, just a little bit sad, “you haven’t smiled like that in a long time.”

Matsukawa looked at the photo again. It was awkward; it always was, seeing himself through Hanamaki’s lens. He’d never really focused on himself whenever he looked at the photos Hanamaki took of him, but now his eyes actively trailed over his face, the crinkle of his eyes, the twinkle in them from the light reflecting off of his cellphone, the smile wide enough to show an entire row of teeth.

He tried to emulate the expression, only to realize how foreign it felt on his face.

A love story like most love stories, stuck between busy days and too little time spent together.

Matsukawa learns to take it easy, and Hanamaki is his teacher.

Marks, by Andramion

The room is quiet when Issei gathers the pillows under his arms and lies down. He presses his nose into his shoulder, closes his eyes and focusses on the barely-there touch of fingertips to his skin.

Hanamaki always does this, every single time.

Sure, by kiyala

Beginning university brings a lot of changes with it. As Iwaizumi and Oikawa deal with going to different universities, Hanamaki thinks about his own relationship with Matsukawa.

nebulas, by tothemoon

“You'll have to let me think about it,” Hanamaki says to him while they're looking at soup stocks in the supermarket one evening, because he knows being with someone is not as simple as he'd like it to be.

(At this, Matsukawa does not fret. He goes for the snack aisle, instead.)

Settled, by kiyala

Hanamaki and Matsukawa go for a walk in their hometown in the middle of the night, and reflect on the things that have changed since high school.

Staking a Claim, by iwaizumemes

"Do you think they can tell?"

"Tell what?"

"That we've fucked in all their bedrooms."

something of a disaster, by latenights

“This is the part where you make a wish and blow.”

“Now, let’s not get too hasty—“

“I meant the candles you bastard.”

that’s you get (for waking up in vegas), by skittidyne

“There was an Elvis?” Hajime asks.

“He was the officiator. It’s the cliché, right?”

“…Officiator of what?” Tooru asks with a look down at Takahiro’s hand.

“You can borrow my phone to pull pictures from for our wedding album.” Issei reaches over and grasps the hand with the ring on it. Everyone is staring at their clasped hands like a three-headed lobster just crawled onto the table. “You were both the best men and I was very, deeply touched by how affected you both were at the ceremony,” he says in a perfect deadpan.

(( or: iwaizumi does not want to be the responsible one, and thus they suffer the consequences, or, perhaps, 'suffer' is a bit too strong of a word ))

Wilds, by AngryKitten

Makki waded back to him, two handfuls of stones dripping lake-water. He was grinning, like he always did, like their lives were one great joke that Matsukawa only occasionally understood. Hanamaki tipped his hand, and the rocks tumbled out into the bottom of their canoe.

“For later,” Hanamaki said.

Parting Words, by kiyala

Matsukawa confesses his feelings for Hanamaki at graduation, knowing that they're unrequited. Hanamaki's not so sure about that.

we could be the greatest team, by anyadisee

Oikawa mock-gasps. “Makki! You should know that I was genuinely planning on talking about strategy! I just thought it would be polite to wait for Iwa-chan and Mattsun to get back. But since you brought the topic up”—Hanamaki opens his mouth to protest, but is ignored—“have I told you how amazing Iwa-chan is? Like, he’s just the best boyfriend ever.”

“Wow, I never would’ve guessed what with, you know, how much you’ve been talking about it,” Hanamaki deadpans.

Oikawa waves a hand airily. “Don’t be jealous that my boyfriend is so sweet and romantic.”

Now it’s Hanamaki’s turn to raise eyebrows. “Excuse me, but did you just indirectly drag Issei?"

[in which hanamaki and oikawa get competitive, matsukawa and iwaizumi are good boyfriends, and the rest of seijoh somehow get involved.]

chocolate, by tellalie

“We have to do something,” Mattsun says.

Tides That Bind, by rubyfiamma

Matsuhana Fluff via prompt #19. Things you said when we were the happiest we ever were.

Room to Talk, by holdontoyourhulahoops

In which one snarky comment from Yahaba makes Hanamaki realize he's been a dirty hypocrite all this time.

The Best/Worst Places to Cry in the City, by AngryKitten

“Okay this is going to sound weird, and I get it if you want to say no, but I know a good place to cry and it’s only like a block from here. If you need to, um, let that out or something.”

Matsukawa gets hit on while crying in public and it might be the worst thing that has ever happened to him. Or it might be the best.

plus one, by orphan_account

"Did you know we're dating?"

"What? Says who?"

"Says everyone apparently."

"Oh," Hanamaki frowns for a few seconds before shrugging and turning his attention back to the chocolate fountain. "Nice."

Making Sense, by kiyala

Sharing an apartment does very little to help Hanamaki deal with his feelings for Matsukawa. Perhaps that's not such a bad thing.

and indeed there will be time, by plumtrees

Between volleyball and the looming end of their high school years, Hanamaki thinks he’s already dealing with more than enough, thank you very much.

Unfortunately, no one else gets the memo.

Alternatively: “I am not in love with my best friend!” says Hanamaki Takahiro. Nobody buys his bullshit.

snakes, meth labs and something like love, by orphan_account

"Did you know snakes can give birth to between ten and 150 babies at any one time?"

Matsukawa tenses. "And how many have you, um— How many have you found?"

"Four," Hanamaki sighs, voice shaking slightly with what sounds like pure, unadulterated defeat. "So far."

Flamingo, by JanaRumpandRCJawnn

Summary by me: series with Trans!Makki, dealing with transphobia, and a nice lovely characterization of Ushijima.

it’s cold out there, by bishounen_curious

Seijoh's parties are always a mess, but this one takes the cake.

he’s a looker but i really think it’s guts that matter most, by respectableflourish

His fellow first year loves volleyball, has a chill factor verging on glacial, partakes in the type of verbal repartee Takahiro has only ever dreamt of finding in another person, and just so happens to exhibit an eyebrow and eyeliner game that is on another fucking level.

my heart beats for contract law, by orphan_account

"You had an emotional breakdown in a McDonalds drive-through."

"Mmm."

"And proposed to me."

"Shhh."

"In a McDonalds drive-through, Hiro."

Takahiro huffs out a nervous laugh, keeping his eyes closed. "You love it," he repeats, nuzzling closer.

services i can provide, by commovente

“So, what’s this?” Matsukawa asks. “An apology?”

Hanamaki drawls the words out, but he’s rambling. “I mean, I was actually going for a bribe, but. You know what, Mattsun? I’m nothing if not adaptable, so. Yes. Consider this an apology.”

it’s easy being with you, sacred simplicity, by earlgrey_milktea

a conversation at half past three.

poolside, by tothemoon

At eighteen, it'd been a matter of wading.

At twenty-five, Hanamaki tries not to fall in headfirst.

need a little sweetness in my life, by orphan_account

The smell of freshly baked bread, watching his cakes rise, listening to customers endlessly praise his desserts? All that is great but, Matsukawa thinks as he shuffles closer to the counter to greet him, the best thing about his job is the man standing in front of him.

And he doesn’t even know his name.

Lemonade, by carriecmoney

“Seriously, after Oikawa’s Oikawaness, Iwaizumi with the shoulders and the intensity and the caring about people shit and you with…” Takahiro gestures at Matsukawa’s everything. “That. What am I?”

Sing For Me, by rideahorse

The first time he hears Matsukawa singing, it’s in the shower, post-practice, when Matsukawa is likely positive no one’s around to hear it. Takahiro doesn’t even know what to think at first; Matsukawa sings just as he talks, voice a low timbre, barely changing pitch as it navigates through some melody that is so familiar yet unreachable in Takahiro’s mind. It’s English, too, so Takahiro wouldn’t understand it anyways, but that’s beside the point.

The point is that the locker room suddenly feels ten times hotter and Takahiro feels like he might melt into a puddle of very gay and very confused sludge.

Realisations, by kiyala

In which Hanamaki realises that Matsukawa is a werewolf, and has a few other realisations while he's at it.

Magical Mishaps and How to Deal, by plumtrees

Hanamaki Takahiro loved Matsukawa Issei. Sometimes. Mostly. When he wasn’t being bull-headed or overly-difficult. Which wasn’t a lot of the time now that Hanamaki thought about it. Shit. But he digressed.

Demon-mating was a for life kind of deal. Certainly not a decision one could make out of the blue, without years of prior thought and much meditation. The day he asked for his mother’s blessing, the day he planned to ask Matsukawa to be his mate, she had told him If you’re sure you’ll be happy with him, then all I hope for is that he says yes and by some miracle he did and here they are now and Hanamaki could say with all the certainty in the world that he loved Matsukawa Issei with all his heart and soul(s).

But some days…dear gods, some days…some days he just made it really, really difficult.

Or: Matsukawa accidentally turns Kindaichi and Kunimi into babies and guess who has to help him clean up his fucking mess.

Pink and Yellow, by hotcocoa

Hanamaki is beautiful, Matsukawa is supportive, and both of them are the luckiest boyfriends in the world.

hang out fall in love, by carafin

In which Hanamaki's humble medical practice is threatened by an intractable asshole a witch doctor who's just moved into the shop down the street. Medical/Witchcraft AU.

As far as Hanamaki’s concerned, and as far as bad life decisions go, setting up your witch clinic right next to an actual, proper, medical clinic is practically akin to setting up an all-you-can-eat buffet right next to a gym. Or a sex toy shop next to a church. Or a vegetable patch next to a goat farm. Or – yeah, the point is, this Matsukawa guy has totally cornered the market in Terrible-Life-Decision-Making-Skills.

Baby It’s Cold Outside, by dancingwithwings

Matsukawa looks round. And – heaven help him – he’s greeted with the guy from a couple of apartments down, the guy who dyes his hair to look like a strawberry for reasons unbeknownst, looking so disgruntled, so bedraggled, so akin to a drowning cat, that it almost makes him laugh out loud. The guy is barefoot, wearing only a towel. And the look on his face might turn Matsukawa to stone.

In which the fire alarm goes off, Hanamaki is in a towel, and Mattsun just really needs to study.

Zenith, Nadir, by tookumade

A former god realises that it's time to say goodbye.

Parallel Lines, by orphan_account

Yesterday night, Matsukawa had told his parents that he was joining math club, which lead to several confused smiles from them as they tried to figure out his change of heart.

“Didn’t you say you were allergic to competitive math?” His mom had asked. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, we’re very supportive of your decision, but-”

Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, they’d let it go because no sane parent prevents their child from joining math team, which is intellectually beneficial and looks very nice on college applications. This, in turn, prevents Matsukawa from having to explain that he’s joining- dear god- because of a crush.

this isn’t exactly how i thought i’d spend my adult years, by jadedpearl

When Hanamaki coughs–hacks–the guy, who's been near comatose this entire time, opens his eyes and looks over a little, seemingly with the least amount of effort possible. "Bless you," he says, but his eyes are still sleepy. Hanamaki turns his head and stares at him. "I didn't sneeze." The guy looks a bit surprised. "What?" "I coughed." "So?" "Who the fuck says bless you when someone coughs?"

The Courage of Stars, by FairyLights101

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Then again, not many things were.

sugar pink liquor, liquor lips, by h_lovely

His lips still taste like sugar and liquor; they’re rosy and plush as they fit softly against Matsukawa’s own.

What would you do (if I told you that I la, la, la, loved you?), by Frenchibi

5 IwaOi moments as seen by Hanamaki and Matsukawa ... +1 moment of revenge :'D

Shoulda Known, by fxvixen

He quickly composes his face to look concerned. “What’s the matter there, sport?”

The groan cuts off.

Hanamaki lifts his head, a few strands of hair flopping onto his forehead. He narrows his eyes at Matsukawa’s attempt of a poker face. “Never call me that again.”

~or~

matsuhana feels and cuddles

Time and Distance, by kiyala

Matsukawa is attending university in Kyoto. Hanamaki comes to visit.

Kaleidoscope, by tookumade

Fall in love in five cities.

press play, by airblends

“Makki, you want in on our intro?” Oikawa gestures with his hand.

“Nah, I already promised Issei we’d do one for his channel. There are only so many intros a man can film in a day.”

“Issei, huh?” Oikawa’s lips settle into a knowing smirk. Iwaizumi coughs into his fist, gently prying the camera from Oikawa’s hands to turn it off.

Hanamaki’s face burns up, his cheeks a fiery red. “We’re just friends,” he says, the phrase rolling off his tongue by sheer reflex. He has lost count of how many times he’s typed it into the comment section beneath his videos. At this point he might just start to believe it himself.

New Ground, by kiyala

About new cities and new relationships.

Trusting Things Beyond Mistake, by twinkrevali

"‘I–’ Hanamaki starts, then stops, turning to face the lake and frowning as the words fail to reach him.

Matsukawa pushes himself up to look at Hanamaki properly, hands resting in his lap.

‘You,’ he prompts, and Hanamaki looks at him, eyes shining.

This must be, he thinks, what they call a moment of clarity."

Would You Rather, by jadedpearl

“Y’know,” Hanamaki says, stretching his arms above his head, “I don’t even get why Oikawa is the popular one. If this was an anime, I’d be the main character.”

The setting sun burns his edges gold, alights the sharp planes of his face. Matsukawa looks away, faces forward, towards the houses that wind out of sight.

“What makes you say that?” he replies easily, because things have always been just that, with Hanamaki.

too scared to say (that i want you), by urieskooki

"How could he not hate me if he knew?"

Falling in love with your best friend sucks.

one-way ticket, by noyabeans

post-chapter 258.

in an alternate universe, they would be the ones on that screen, feet solidly planted on the smooth ground of the tokyo gym and the smell of air salonpas around them.

take my hand, take my whole life, too, by earlgrey_milktea

matsukawa and hanamaki, a few years down the road, and years to go, together.

all our stolen moments (i’d spend forever with you), by earlgrey_milktea

quiet moments between matsukawa and hanamaki.

it's all worth it, in the end.

Switched Jerseys, by chromyrose

After practice on an afternoon shortly before the Spring High tournament begins, they’re the last two people changing in the club room. The weather is starting to turn for the colder, and Hanamaki sighs when the cool air touches his heated skin after he takes his jersey off. He feels a warm hand on his back, and looks over his shoulder...

oh we’re fading fast / i miss missing you now and then, by earlgrey_milktea

It’s strange, missing someone. You find them in every thing you do, and you think you want them back, but you don’t. Not really. Not now, not like this.

issei and the quiet that hanamaki left behind.

i thought i could tame these memories to keep me company like a housecat, by earlgrey_milktea

So he stayed here, in a house that hasn’t been a home in a long time, with a cat that keeps looking out the window as if waiting for someone that isn’t coming home.

takahiro and the empty house and lonely cat that issei left behind.

those days are dead and gone (but we’re still here), by kythen

They're graduating today and Hanamaki doesn't want to get out of bed.

stranger things, by tinypersonhotel

In 2012, the men’s national volleyball team took home the bronze at the Asian Cup. Tokyo Skytree opened to the public. Also, the dashing Hanamaki Takahiro and painfully cool Matsukawa Issei started a radio show out of Aoba Johsai’s abandoned A/V room and accidentally became the two most popular guys in school.

Daily Password: [ ], by tookumade

“Neko Atsume?” Hanamaki says sleepily when he recognises the song coming from his phone. He opens his eyes with a mystified smile. “You’re still playing?”

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 1 - music)

tell them i love you, by tookumade

“Are you two serious about it, though?” Oikawa says dubiously after training when they’re leaving the clubroom together. “Could you seriously tell each other ‘I love you’?”

“Of course we’re serious!” protests Matsukawa at the same time Hanamaki says, “Of course we can!”

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 3 - romantic gesture)

like a river, by astersandstuffs

“Is that a confession? Are you actually confessing to me right now?”

“Hm. Yeah.”

Or, they still have a lot to learn (and maybe that's the thing about being together).

Baby(sitting), Maybe, by tookumade

“One day,” says Hanamaki, “we’ll look back on this and laugh.”

“Mm-hm,” Matsukawa hums.

“It’ll be a cute little story. We’ll tell our friends, and they’ll laugh along with us. They might even be sympathetic.”

“Mmmm…”

“You’re absolutely right, sympathetic is reaching way too far.”

(written for Haikyuu!! MatsuHana Week - Day 6 - children, bonds)

Matsuhana Week 2017, by h_lovely

Day 1: music//relationship goals Day 2: competition//petty Day 3: romantic gesture//fairy tale Day 4: in danger//leaving home Day 5: food//science Day 6: children//bonds Day 7: on video//surprises

A God for Every Season, by timkons

Mortals have all kinds of foolish tales, like how Hades and Persephone's annual reunion causes the seasons. Matsukawa knows better.

Habenaria Radiata, by tookumade

Hanamaki turns onto his side so that they’re facing each other, and his smile is warm; Matsukawa feels his heart skip a beat, as it always does whenever this happens, and he wonders when he’ll ever get used to it, when it’ll become normal enough that he doesn’t get butterflies in his stomach every time Hanamaki smiles at him.

(Probably never, if he’s being honest with himself. He is content with this.)

take my heart and put it in your pocket, by Frenchibi

Issei blinks. “I ain’t drinkin’ any of your froofy Christmas Latte thingies.” “Orange Caramel Mocha.” “What?” “Vanilla Chai Latte.” “Ew.” “Cinnamon Hot Chocolate.” Issei rolls his eyes, resigned. “Fine. That doesn’t sound too awful.”

Remind Me, by tookumade

For Hanamaki and Matsukawa, their first meeting consists of a small accident, a terrible first impression, and the start of something new—maybe something better.

(In which they learn to keep trying, and to try again.)

like twinkling lights and the warmth of your hand, by earlgrey_milktea

mattsun and makki go on an impromptu date.

in a daze, by wyverning

The sound of a camera shutter goes off, and Issei lazily cracks open an eye to see Hanamaki grinning down at him, phone held loosely in one hand.

“That was the best Kunimi impression I’ve ever seen,” he says by way of explanation.

Clueless, by Elleh

If anyone had asked Issei how he’d thought his night would end, he’d have never said: catching my best friend moaning my name while fucking himself.

There’s an odd second, between Issei entering their room and sliding the door of the bedroom open, in which Issei is still oblivious. Skin prickling, a sudden dryness in his mouth, but oblivious. He’s taking his shoes off when the first moan catches him.

He stills right on the spot, a shoe hanging from his finger, the other hand half-way to opening the bedroom. Issei swallows, images of Hanamaki with a girl from the hotel, that’s why he didn’t want to come with us drink, the bitter taste that realisation leaves behind. Issei shouldn’t care Hanamaki’s having sex with someone, but the sourness turns into rage—and maybe disappointment. He’s gonna have a serious conversation about boundaries and, you know, could you let me know in advance, so I find—

“Issei… Mmmh, fuck.”

IOU, by Karasuno Volleygays

Matsukawa Issei goes in for a tattoo and ends up with an interesting new friend in Hanamaki Takahiro. Soon his visits to his tattoo artist's studio in the back of a restaurant become a highlight of his days, and that's before feelings start to wriggle their way into the picture.

take a screenshot, it’ll last longer, by h_lovely

It’s all fun and games until someone pops a boner in a staff meeting.

lapsus linguae, by astersandstuffs

“I’m literally your best friend,” Matsukawa says.

Takahiro pauses. “Shit. You’re right.”

Reflex, by hiuythn

Nobody likes to talk about how Hanamaki and Matsukawa met, which is a shame, because they both think it's the funniest fucking thing to ever happen to either of them.

my way home, by tookumade

Matsukawa has been sitting at their freshly-placed dining table and staring at his copy of their new apartment keys for at least an hour.

(Hanamaki checks his watch. Okay, five minutes; same thing.)

first light, by tookumade

Iwaizumi and Oikawa immediately break out into booing and gagging noises, because as much as they both think themselves mature and reasonable people, they are honestly idiots. Matsukawa just grins and takes a sip of his own beer, pleased, but Hanamaki is frozen, eyes wide and a blush creeping across his face in a way that had nothing to do with the beer.

Tactical Retreat, by Karasuno Volleygays

After years of getting their asses handed to them by the seemingly psychic Iwaoi bond, Issei and Takahiro opt to spend the rest of their paintballing trip engaged in other activities.

Mirror Flower, Water Moon, by h_lovely

Matsukawa’s gaze lingers on Hanamaki. He’s talking about something, ranting on and Matsukawa isn’t sure about what at this point. He should be listening really, how rude of him. But spring has just sprung and the little pink petals dotting the sidewalk match so pleasantly with the strawberry shade of Hanamaki’s short-clipped hair.

(Or, a study on timing and how to get it right.)

quidditch gloves, parchment, and custard cream, by h_lovely

After class, Matsukawa finds Hanamaki in the tall cushy grass by the lake.

#haikyuu!!#fic recs #matsuhana #matsukawa issei #hanamaki takahiro #otp: swapped jerseys #please warn me if any links are broken #and reblog it if you can so more people will see it

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naiveandexperienced · 5 years

Text

the beginning of the end.

for those of you who remember, i said i would post my final draft of my letter to alex when i got closer to my graduation date. although it's still three months away, i'm satisfied with the final draft of said letter so i will go ahead and post it now. i'm not going to give this to him. here we go:

I honestly don’t know where to start with this letter. You don’t know how many times I have written and rewritten every single word. I have decided that this is going to be my final draft whether I like it or not. Forgive me if it gets all over the place; my thought process when I’m feeling emotional isn’t very coherent. I guess, let me start off by saying that I wish this could be written better. I wish it could sound sophisticated and meaningful but frankly, my mindset is incapable of finding eloquent ways to express my feelings. I suppose a written letter is better than me attempting to speak to you; that would not go well. It’s sad that I still haven’t been able to properly talk to you after knowing you for two school years. Anyways, time for me to pour my heart out in this farewell letter.

Truth be told, I didn’t quite like you when I first came into your AP European History class. It’s not that I disliked you; you just intimidated me. You intimidated me from the first time I met you during orientation, when it was just me and you in your classroom. You intimidated me from forty feet down the hallway. Even during school assemblies, with all of those hundreds of people, your presence still intimidated me. I say ‘intimidated’ like it’s past tense but you still do, if I’m being honest.

Do you want to know what changed and why I so obviously became attached to you?

I doubt you remember, but some kid (Andre or Connor probably) pronounced ‘gif’ incorrectly and you told him that if he pronounced it like that again you would hang yourself with the blinds in your classroom. I know that it’s kind of odd but that is a really fond memory to me. It made me realize that you weren’t as scary as I thought and that you have the millennial sense of humor that I’m so comfortable with. It’s a weird feeling, being so comfortable around someone yet on edge at the same time.

It’s exhilarating.

It’s exhausting.

Being around you is so exhausting but I wouldn’t change it for the world because you have taught me so much. You got me motivated when I just wanted to give up. I wanted to try and succeed, which is something that had been buried for so long. I wanted to make you proud. I know that in the second semester of last year I failed at that.

When I got suspended I wasn’t thinking about myself; I was just thinking about you (which is idiotic, I'm aware).

I was devastated because I knew that I had disappointed you. I didn’t want you to see me as an idiotic child who couldn’t care less about succeeding. I didn’t want you to think less of me. The logical part of me would tell myself everyday that you would understand that people make mistakes but I was still terrified.

Even as I write this now (August 3rd, 2019; 2:55 AM), I still don’t know if I can stand to see you when school starts. Part of me wants you to be mad at me because I deserve it. I want you to tell me you’re disappointed in me. I want you to tell me this because that would mean you noticed and you actually cared. Another, larger part if terrified because I know that the truth is, you probably don’t care enough to get angry with me or to feel anger about what I did (if you do in fact know why I was suspended; if you don’t, long story short, I had a drinking problem and it finally caught up with me). You won’t tell me you were disappointed with my actions or that you forgive me because you’re not as deeply invested in me as I am you.

I’m just another student and that’s perfectly okay with me.

Of course it hurts, but I would rather have my heart broken a million times than have the possibility of your happiness being taken away from you. Seeing you happy is all I need to be at peace with my emotions. Nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.

With that being said, I probably acted distant and indifferent to you throughout the year. I don’t know yet since I’m writing this before school even starts—it’s pathetic, writing about the end before it’s even begun. I have made a promise to myself to just treat you like any other teacher because if I allow myself any flicker of warmth, I know I will just fall back into this overwhelming pit. I’m sorry if it hurts your feelings (I doubt it will). It’s okay if you feel relieved (I expect you to). Addendum (August 25th, 2019): This letter was written under the impression that I would be in your government class, which I obviously was not. I don’t know why because I switched from AP to CP as soon as I heard that you were teaching CP Government this year and I put in a request to specifically be placed in your class with my counselor. She did that for me last year when I transferred to your APUSH class instead of Mrs. Wilson’s. With the new policy, I won’t be able to switch out of any of my classes next semester to take AP Human Geography or something that you might be teaching. I have a TA block next semester but it’s during first period and if it hasn’t changed, first period is your planning period. Plus even if it wasn’t, it is so hard to TA for you. A lot of people want to be your TA!

Now this is the part where you probably want to stop because having someone confess the whole truth to you is something that a lot of people can’t handle. The only reason that I feel comfortable enough to tell all of this to you is because you are one of the few people that I can 100% trust. I grasp onto the thought that you still stand by what you said about never getting mad at me ever with every coming sentence.

The saddest part about unrequited love is that you always try. Even as I tell myself to shut out anything other than teacher worthy emotions, I find myself clutching onto a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe you could love me back.

Please understand that although I did and do have feelings for you, everything that I did for you was not me trying to make you uncomfortable or seduce you or something like that. I would never never never want to do that to you. I truly did those things because I liked to make you happy. I love to do things for the people I love.

I don’t think you realized how devastated I was that time I got called to Student Services about you. I was so distraught that I had pushed too far and made you upset. Just the thought of me being the cause of you experiencing negative emotions makes me so upset with myself. I was so close to crying when I came into your classroom to ask if I did something wrong. Then you told me that everything was okay and for the first time in a long time, I actually believed it. You made me believe it.

I know I’ll miss you forever because the parts of you I have seen are some of the most beautiful pieces of a person that I have ever known. A wonderful quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald goes, “Suddenly, she realized that what she was regretting was not the lost past but the lost future, not what had not been but what would never be.” That quote flickers through my head a lot these days and I think it is very fitting for me and how our time is coming to an end. Even though we will never be together, it warms my heart to know that a person like you exists.

It’s weird to think about all of the things that I think about when it comes to you. It’s weird that I’m even writing this letter to you, which you have probably already stopped reading and have thrown it away or given it to administration or something of the like. None of it matters though because even if you have or haven’t stopped, I’m going to get everything out that I need to.

For starters, you confuse me. I doubt it was your intention but some of the things you said to me made me overthink everything. You randomly told me one day after I brought you coffee, and I quote, “Don’t ever worry about making me mad, okay? You could never make me mad.” You even repeated it to me when I didn’t respond to you the first time. You know what I did after that? I took that little bone and ran with it like a starving puppy. Then when I jokingly told Faith to tell you that I love you and you said you loved me too. Then at the Black and White, when I swear time froze when we saw each other for the first time that night. And then when you placed me in my AP Euro seat at the beginning of APUSH, when you were seating us alphabetically by last names and when you got to my seat you were still at the ‘Cs’ but you put me there instead, in the front row and the place you lecture in front of the most. All of those moments mean so much to me even though I know they were thoughtless to you.

Secondly, you ignite me. I know I said this earlier, but I am going to repeat myself because I mean it with every fiber of my being. You motivated me again. You were the only reason I kept coming to school when all I wanted to do was quit. It was so easy for me to get away with not coming to school but when I got into your class, I never wanted to leave. I was actually so disappointed every day I missed school because I wouldn’t get to see you that day.

Lastly, I love you. I love you in a way that I want you to succeed with everything in your life. I love you in a way that I want you to always be happy and content. I love you in a way that is so foreign to me because it is completely selfless. If you asked anything of me, I wouldn’t hesitate to do it. That’s a scary thought to know that you have so much power over me. The only reason I can tell you all of this is because I know you won’t abuse it or me.

I wish I had more time with you. I could sit in those stupid, uncomfortable desks 24/7 and listen to you talk about history, politics, whatever else you wanted for the rest of my life and never be satisfied with the amount of time spent with you.

Although we will most likely never talk again after graduation, please remember that I am forever changed by who you are and what you mean to me. You will always be important to me. I will fade from your memory but I want you to know that you will never fade from mine.

that's the end!

i feel like the letter is really all over the place but i think it does a great job reflecting my mindset and emotions when it came to him. i use past tense here because i have been thinking over a few things for a while. i am not going to be updating on this blog anymore and i am closing it down. i know that i've said this before in the past, but i truly do believe that i have lost feelings for alex now. since my last update, i actually saw him quite a bit and i... didn't feel anything? people change and mature and i believe that i have done that. thanks so much for taking the time to read that monstrosity as well as go on this tiring journey with me through the latter half of my high school years. it means a lot.

please remember to stay safe! thanks again!

#teacher student #tc crush #unrequited love #teacher crush #tcc blog #tc love #tcc #tcc update #tc community #tcc post #teacherxstudent #teacher and student #teacher x student #teachercrush #teacher crush confession #tc confession #teacher crush community

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bananaicecreamandpuddin · 4 years

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Moonlight

Jae x OC

ao3 🔗: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27722918

- START -

“Alex, where are you going?” I heard my friend, Jess called me from behind.

We are currently at the school stadium, hiding behind the tree that has a great view inside. I watch him as he strums his guitar while swaying his body. He looks so cute. I unconsciously giggled.

“Shut up, I am going near to them” I hissed at her as I slowly walked near to the opened door leading to the stadium.

“What are you thinking! If they find out that we’re here we’ll go to the counseling office 5th time this week! Now give me a break, please” She sounded like she’s pleading so I turned my back to face her and in horror I screamed when I saw our adviser looking like he’s about to eat us whole.

Fuck.

“So what are you doing in that stadium again looking like pimps” our counselor spatted words right after we entered the room.

She memorized that line, I think.. Because we go here almost everyday. Good thing she’s kind enough to let us go without any punishment after I spilled my own tea to her and now she has become our friend and we just go here to chat with her.

“He looks dashing today Ms” I squeal and jump off my chair to turn around happily.

“Yeah, I think so” I heard Jess retorted and I could imagine she was rolling her eyes again. I will just ignore her of course.

I saw Ms. Grace smile at me widely while her chin is placed in her palm looking radiant as she’s always been. She’s not old, old, she is just in her early thirties.

“But I heard they will have a party later at night, what are your plans?” she asked while fixing her eye glasses that have been titled since we got here.

“I don’t know, Are we allowed to go there later?” I shrugged and sat down cause my knees are starting to feel tired.

“It’s gonna be his last night here cause he consulted here that he’s going to L.A.” she simply said.

I was stunned and lost of words. Like what the hell! I was planning to confess to him but not now. It is supposed to be in his graduation day but now what the hell.

I looked at Jess and she was already looking at me sadly and I just want to cry right now. I like him like crazy and him going away is not what I thought would happen. I walked out from the room and I went straight to the girls bathroom to think of what will happen to us, eh what us?

I laughed at that thought.

“What the heck” I uttered when I saw my face. I looked like a mad woman. The mascara that I was wearing was wrecked because of the tears that keeps on falling. Good thing it’s still class hours so no one can see me looking like this.

I fixed myself and entered one of the cubicles to sit inside and contemplate about the things that will happen to me if he’s gone. He became my inspiration after that one night when he was there for me when I thought my world would end..

It was a crazy and exhausting day when I met him. My parents got into an accident and their relationship was falling apart. The police investigated the incident and it was told that before they crashed they were arguing and that thing is not new to my parents. They argue all the time.

I was not planning to go to school that night because I was so exhausted and I’m afraid that my parents will be apart and what will happen to me after that. But Jess keeps on bugging me to go because of his band, DAY6. She said I was at the school for 3 years and I did not attend any events and added that I look so pitiful because I have no social life.

Before going to the school I visited my parents in the hospital and I got so upset when I found out that they are signing the divorce paper and thought that I am now part of those children in school that will raise their hands when the teacher is asking who has a broken family. That thought made me cry my eyes out for hours on the school’s waiting shed.

While I was crying I felt a tap in my shoulder that time and as I raised my head I saw this guy in thick black frame glasses with a blackk piercing in his ears, handing me a handkerchief. I just cry even harder because I felt that someone is still here even if he’s a stranger to me, he still cares. I felt comforted.

He sat down beside me and caressed my back. He just stayed there for hours listening to my cries and when I stopped crying he talked to me like I was his friend and he gave me an advice before leaving and that will forever stay in my mind.

“It’ll take time but we’ll be okay. I promise”

He said those words while flashing a smile that melts my heart and made me feel butterflies in my stomach. And right there I said to myself that it is not the end of my life, everything we’ll be fine.

That night I got to our event with a heavy heart because I forgot to ask his name and I feel like I needed to find him. I was walking my way to Jess’ spot when I heard a familiar voice on the stage and I smiled ear to ear when I found out that I didn't need to find him. He found me that night.

“ Alex, are you here?”

Jess’ voice snapped me out from my thoughts. I replied to her and got out of the cubicle. She smiled at me like she’s planning something I would agree with.

“We’ll crash to their party” she cockily said while raising both of her eyebrows

“But…” I paused to suppress my smile.

“Look at you, you just smiled” She teased me and danced her way closer to me.

“Well, I’ve been liking him for 5 months and seeing him only on stage everytime is kinda repetitive and I want to tell him what I feel” I straightly said without a hint of hesitation.

“But what if you got rejected?” she softly said to me.

“That is why I have you and the wine that I got from mom’s last year when she was still living with us” I assured her while smiling. Of course if I get rejected I’ll be so damn sad but I’ll accept whatever it is. Loving someone also means letting them go and letting yourself accept all the odds.

Wonpil’s Place 8:00 P.M.

I walked nervously at the parking lot. It is where I’ll meet Jess. I am now wearing a white dress that is shorter than it was before because mom bought this when she was still with us. She’s now living with another country with a new guy. I smiled bitterly remembering those times.

“Excuse me”

I felt my heart jump when I heard his voice. I turned around to see him towering in front of me. I forgot he is so tall. I always saw him from afar.

“Are you talking to me?” I stuttered and placed my hand at my chest cause my heart was beating so fast!

“Uhm, yeah” He shortly said and looked at my back and there I realized that I am blocking his way to the van. I looked stupid,

“Oh. I’m sorry” I moved away and he just nodded and got inside the van to take something I think.

I was shaking and my knees felt so weak right now. I texted Jess to tell her that I need an ambulance. I might die from nervousness. She just said lmao. I think I need new friends.

“You’re in 3rd year, right?”

I almost cursed at his face when I saw him taking a peek at my phone. I immediately close it and put it in my bag.

“Yeah” I awkwardly said. I thought I was brave enough to confess to him but I guess I was just assuming. I saw him leaned on the van and stared at me. I feel my face turned red and why is it so hot in here! Good thing it’s not too bright right here. Is he going to stay here? I thought he had to take something from the van.

“So how was your parent?” I was taken aback at his question. That means that he could still remember me ugly crying. I am now so embarrassed.

I just nodded as an answer, I bite my lips to stop myself from smiling because I don’t want him to feel awkward. I raised my head and I met his gaze. His eyes are telling me something that I, myself don’t know. We had never got in a situation like this after that night. I was never this close to him and I was not expecting that he could still remember me.

“I heard you’re going to L.A.?” I tried not to sound upset but I failed when I saw him smile a little when he heard that my voice sounded so bitter.

“What are you talking about? Wonpil is the one going to L.A.” he said while hiding the smile that I could see from here.

Oh snap! What did he just say?! I stand straight and fix my dress and starts walking. I am going home now. My tears earlier are in vain! I am going to fight Ms. Grace tomorrow.

“Where are you going?” he playfully walked behind me.

“I am going home,” I said, my voice sounded irritated. I can’t believe what just happened.Maybe Ms. Grace got confused? Or what? She knows I like Jae not Wonpil!

“I thought you’ll confess to me tonight”

I stop walking and face him. I look so angry right now. Is he toying me!

“How’d you know that?” I provoke him. I put my hands in my waist. This is what I always do when I feel so frustrated.

“I was the one who told Ms. Grace to tell that to you” He shyly said while scratching the back of his head. I just raised my eyebrows and glared at him as a response.

“I’m sorry, I am really desperate to talk to you again. Because these last few months I keep on thinking about you after that night. I thought I totally lost you but I saw you again that night in the crowd and I said to myself that I want you, I want to protect and take care of you” he paused and looked at me sincerely.

I just stared at him and I saw in his face that he is sincere in what he is saying.

“But I am a coward and I thought I would get contented by just looking at you in the crowd jamming in our song, I always see you from afar and I also know you like me. I am sorry it took months for me to realize that I like you not because you’re my fan or what. I like you because of that night and I want to know more of you. Just so you know I fell in love with you under the moonlight”

Fin

#day6 #kpop fanfic au #kpop fanfic au day6 #kpop #au #ao3

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keuncats · 4 years

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Keun Breaks Down the Meaning of all his 4 Albums | Genius News

hi everyone i’m ong keun and i’m here to explain the music that i put out in the world and every music app such as spotify, apple music, youtube, amazon, so please check them out.

I think i piece of advice that i could say to every new artist in there the most important is not just do songs that you enjoy but having people that you can trust to help you out doing. i write all my songs, thats true, but i don’t produced them all the time, my best friends help my out with that and i’m really glad to have him by side cause he is opinion that most matter cause sometimes i appear doing a lot of songs who doesn’t work out and he is not afraid of saying if its not good or not.

INSIDE OF: RING RING THE 1ST MINI ALBUM

this was my debut album that contents six musics. as it was the first time i was realising songs i didn’t have such big picture in my mind for a big and important meaning of it, but it does containt of me telling a story. if you see the cover of the album, which by the way, is former actress moon nayoung colarbone that i discover she didn’t know that they would use for my album, but they told me that was the plan and i went over it cause i thought it looked good. i could have get sue thought, if she wanted. but if you see the feeling that it gave, i don’t know if it gonna make sense, but it represent every vibe of the songs on it. this album have r&b and hip-hop genre styles with the lyrics talking about love, sex, falling in love, talking about the scenery of the night, and bottles of liquor. so you can picture that the album itself is about a guy who is just doing his daily routine of going out in the club, meaning people thinking that would have just meaningless night, instead, he meets this woman and he falls for her and he wants to get close to her more than he got to have that night at the club cause it was an incredible day that night. its a very luxury scene that the album itself represents.

INSIDE OF: la gaudière - The 1st album.

i have to apologize now cause i don’t remember now if i release that one in the same year of ring-ring or not. i don’t think even my fans knows it cause they seem to think thats my weakest album, which i don’t get it cause is my favorite one so far and you can tell i really liked this one cause i put thirteen songs making him my first full album. what makes me excited for doing it at that time cause i put in my mind to sing about the stages of what a relantionship goes. with the first stage being fulling happiness and being in the clouds, and being totally in love, and getting to know someone and speding time with them so fully that you got his little habits too, exemplae of that being I Am You, You are Me, is also about the hardships that it has to face together and being willing to open up about each others scars, fears, the real person and what goes on in the their head and having to trust someone, with that scary part being represent by that it has the second track of the album that is named Overthinking. Overall is that, is not an album about being fully happy but also not sad about to break up, is just an album about ups and downs couples face it indivudually but they in the end are together for better or worst.

INSIDE OF: Go Away - The 2nd Mini Album.

okay, wow, we came to that one. thats very close to my biggest pride in terms the fame it got and helped me grow as an artist. i mean, if you ask if you known any keun in the kpop music they just gonna say: the go away guy. which is fine by me. personally, i think people who follows me know what i was going through at that time, if you just clicking by this cause you liked my looks in the thumbnail and don’t know who i am: at that very moment of me creating this album, i was heartbroken. yep. that time had to come. as the songs talk about that stage of live, the title itself with the music video explains more and you can understand better but is about giving yourself everything to this person and commiment to her and she just dumped you and as you go yourself being sad you starting seeing her flaws and you starting being: get away from my life, please. and with that being the title and the first song of the album is perfect, because as the other songs go along you can see that even if that person starting thinking they should do better to themself and get over the other, you can see in punishment that he is not fully but he decided to emerge this sadness into anger not necessarly just about having that person breaking his heart but seeing that they thinking they could do better as it shows in netflix & chill, but that person is not completly the saint of it and he goes going to his dark ways of being and changing himself to worst and going doing wrong habits and thats what penthouse is about. after all that, there is bittersweet and 2 soon that you can just capture that this person is just broken inside and he just wants to be everything as used to be but he is not cause he changed, he grow and he doesn’t know if that was good. is an album about having to dealing with himself cause you thought you were in the right pat but turns out was not.

INSIDE OF: ice cream after sex - The 3rd Mini Album.

truthful speaking, i don’t like this one very much however i’m gonna say its very nice and chill to hear, i will give you that. i got back about talking about love and relantionship, but with a more mature vision of it cause as you have experiece stuff you starting to accepeted that fact that when you fall in love you don’t fall for that person is equal to you or even is that person you tought it would be your type, cause thats life you know? random people gonna enter your life and they gonna teach something and they gonna be part of your life and everything that you go with them as any type of relation with them and it goes both way cause you are a person too and you get a part in the other life and your actions and as of them too build what you are together and your memories. different as the lead single is perfect to describe that and the album in a whole.

INSIDE OF: Artist Award - The 3nd Album.

thats my lastest album that i came up and thats what i would say is my little baby, cause is the album that i relese under my company that i’m starting to build and not just about that cause those songs are about not just about myself as a person but me being hundred percent honest about everything that i’ve been throught. the album starts with acting award that has the hook me being rapping: “i’m a boy not a star.”, which yes i know at that time of life as right now i’m what people say one of the biggest solo artist in my country, but what i have to go through to be where i am in some people views is not great, i’m not saying that i regret or anything because i just was a boy who wanted to music since i was dancing justin timberlake with my childhood best friend and neighbourhood, and i get out of school without graduating to go being a trainee in a new place by myself so every oppurtinity they gave me i took it cause it seem good. yes, it brokes my values, i’m not perfect but it teach me and with everything people say about the industry you just gonna feel what it really is when you are part of it. and talking about values, before coming up with the full album i relese singles of the album and talking about being tired of being the image that people want you to be the song Young is about that. Justin Bieber, yes that title of the song, MOVIE SHOOT and BIORYTHM are two sides of my life too. one being me and my image itself that they set and what people compare me too, and the other being what i was growing up as a kid and teenager and even now. the tracks go on with Love Like This and Cinderella that is very much sound likes ring ring, but is more way of the inside that got on in the process of my first steps in my careet and my relantionship that it had to feels as perfect and goals. we still are but at least people know how we got together. the album is just me and thats why i felt good doing this one more than the others.

I hope you guys have enjoyed this video as much as i do even if there people who made thread about my songs and honestly i’m really glad people wants to know the inside of it, thats why i’m here with genius finally. i hope i ome soon with others, maybe a full english song? who knows! see ya.

#como eh o nome #drabbles.#na real eu n ia fazer mas fiquei parece errado eu nao fazer um tipo de entrevista pro keun sabe #ai pensei nisso #genius.#keun.

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atlas-of-a-human-soul · 5 years

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Dear Soulmate, pt. 22 (Soulmate AU)

22: His brother’s keeper

Summary: Flashing forward, Ethan and Y/N’s relationship grows stronger while Grayson is forced to deal with his broken timer.

Warnings: fluff, angst, sexual innuendoes

Word count: 3.3k

Dear Soulmate - Series Masterlist (Soulmate AU) ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

One year later ~ 3rd Person POV

"Do you think Grayson is happy?" Y/N hummed, looking out the living room window as she laid in Ethan's arms, blissfully content with his arms around her, the right one drawing large circles over her swollen abdomen with every period cramp that made her want to be a man. It took Ethan a while to get used to the terrible pain and discomfort his soulmate felt with every period, especially with Grayson teasing him he's the only man who has ever known what it means to be a girl. However, through trial and error and a lot of research, Ethan found every possible way he can help his woman survive those dreaded days, relieving his own pain in the process.

"I think so." Ethan pressed his lips to her temple, his eyes darting to his twin and the way he nodded at this current conquest excitedly. A little too excited if you ask Ethan.

His brother had had his share of women in the past year, even more so after realizing Ethan and Y/N had completed their soulmate bond, effectively sealing their fates together. It stung, even tore at Ethan to know his brother is robbed of a soulmate, remembering just how hopeless and lost he felt when he believed Y/N didn't exist, but he couldn't make himself say anything to the girl curled up against him. He knew she could feel something wasn't right, but what good would it do if he told her just what? It would cause more damage and he never wanted to feel her in such emotional state ever again.

"This is his fifth girlfriend in twelve months. I'm not so sure." Y/N said matter of factly, sighing deeply as if she was trying to keep the sadness of it away from her. She tried talking to Grayson more than once. She tried to remind him of the things and values he told her he wanted to uphold. She tried everything, but he just wasn't there.

Grayson Dolan had distanced himself from his brother and Y/N, so much so he was already a few days short from moving out. She wanted him to stay, terribly so, for reasons she could not explain. It tugged at her heartstrings, the entire situation making her feel as if she's drowning, but she couldn't do anything about it. She had to accept it was his choice, for better or worse. After all, Ethan Dolan was her entire world now and she felt incredibly happy with him by her side.

"He'll find his way. Don't worry." With those comforting words, Y/N's painkillers finally started to overwhelm her, Ethan's soft whispers and tender touches lulling her to sleep.

Two years later

"No! Just stop! This is her graduation, bro!" Ethan gripped Grayson's elbow, pulling him back. He pushed him into the wall, restraining his drunk brother with both hands and legs pressed against him, using all the strength he could muster. After all, Grayson was always a little bigger than Ethan and while Ethan could usually take him down, but drunk Grayson was a force to be reckoned with.

"I just wanna see her! Let me see her!" Grayson shouted, struggling against his brother with all his might, his voice gruff, tone almost feral.

"Not like this. Not drunk off your ass, no filter kind of a way." Ethan pressed himself closer, feeling he might lose his advantage and he can't afford to let his twin in now. He couldn't let him ruin Y/N's night.

"P-please?" Grayson's voice dropped as did Ethan's heart, more so once he heard a hushed, confused little voice he knew better than his own, come up from behind him.

"What's going on here?"

Y/N's heart broke at the vulnerability she heard in Grayson's plea, even more so once she saw his tear-stained, red face and the way his chest moved against Ethan's strenuously.

"J-just wanted to con-congratulate you, Y/N/N." Grayson breathes out, looking over at the beautiful brown eyed woman he's been through life and death with.

Shaking her head, her hand on her mouth to stop the treacherous quivering, Y/N's eyebrows furrowed as her eyes watered. She focused on Ethan's bawled up fists, Grayson's shirt coming out from between his fingers as he gripped his clothes to help him keep him steady and at bay.

"For all that is sacred, unhand him Ethan!" She whisper shouted, coming closer, the first of her tears spilling over as Grayson stumbled toward her. Forgetting he's a foot taller and a lot heavier, he hugged her a little too carelessly, pressing her closer as he put almost all his weight on her, nearly tumbling over and crushing her.

Ethan felt her distress for she couldn't speak up, grabbing his brother by the clothes on his back and pulled him away.

"Bro, you're crushing her! What the fuck are you doing?!" Ethan didn't bother keeping his voice down, genuinely enraged with the situation. He wanted to help his twin, more than anything he wished he could find him an anchor to this world, but he had tipped over on the grand scale of things and he had went from the grey into the black.

"I'm sorry, Y/N/N. I'm so sorry." Grayson's strangled apologies had entirely shattered Y/N and she couldn't hold back her cries anymore.

"Grayson, why? Why are you doing this to yourself?!" She felt her chest constrict, the pain that came with a lack of air to her lungs hit her tenfold as the lump in her throat grew, obstructing her airways as well.

"You were my best friend and now I barely see you?! You were gone for almost two years, traveling the world and the next time I see you this happens? You're drunk! And you're not who I knew...You need help." She passed by Ethan, slapping his hands away as he tried to hold her back and keep her away, at a safe distance. He knew Grayson wouldn't hurt her on purpose, but he wouldn't take the risk. However, Y/N had a mind of her own - a complex, very emotional - listen to your heart - kind of a mind and he couldn't stop her from making this choice on her own - the choice to give his brother some sort of connection to this world; to save him from the raging storm inside his soul and anchor him enough for the waves to calm down.

"Please let us get you some help." She cupped Grayson's cheeks, gently to steady him, feeling his eyes look deep into hers, chocolate brown meeting murky waters of a long lost man that only wished for someone to keep. Someone to have and to hold and to cherish as his brother found in Y/N.

"O-okay."

Two years later

"Ethan, if you don't stop panicking, I will fucking drive myself!" Y/N shouted, her voice echoing the house, finally bringing some reason to a very distressed Ethan. He hadn't expected to wake up with contractions this night, nor ever in his life. He never expected he'd truly feel all the pain Y/N feels nor the fact that he's about to know what it means to give birth to twins. And he definitely didn't think he would be the one crying and running like a chicken with its head cut off, but here he is - crying, sweating buckets, unable to properly insert the key into his minivan because his hands are shaking like he's attached to a Pikachu who hates him.

Finally at the hospital, he asked for sedatives the doctors refused to prescribe in fear of it affecting Y/N's ability to give birth, which made him nauseous enough to throw up three times before joining Y/N in the delivery room.

Grayson arrived almost at the same time, forced into the room, but only by Y/N's head, strictly forbidden to check anything below her waist.

With both Dolan twins at her side, holding her hand, Y/N managed to bring two little humans into this world, a boy and a girl, each of them with very distinct soulmate marks on their bodies which truly made Y/N happy, knowing her children will have an easier road to love than she did.

And Ethan?

He watched his two little munchkins be pressed onto his soulmate's chest for the first time, covered in what would best be described as expired cheese and blood, but he could care less, leaning in to give them each a kiss, waiting for the cord to pulsate what's left of the blood and stem cells, so he could have the honor of cutting it. And yes, he cried, incredibly happy to be a father, to be with Y/N, to have the life he had been given. He never expected this to be his future and the gratitude he had was endless.

Twenty two years later

"Eth, honey?!" Y/N called out for Ethan, trying her best to prepare some breakfast as she knew Grayson would be by any moment now. He wanted to see his niece and nephew off, the twins leaving for their senior year of college any day now and another one finally starting his senior year at high school.

Three kids, twenty six years of soulmate kind of a marriage that they officially signed into the registry five years ago simply because Ethan was bored, numerous obstacles and all that while Y/N wrote a book on soulmate connections, specializing in a bond that existed solely on a spiritual level.

She and Ethan had quickly found they could feel each other even when they don't see each other, simply knowing where the other one is without telling one another. Whenever they tried hard enough, they could share dreams as well, something they learned early on because they always told each other the dreams they had and every bit of what they had experienced was the same. On the other hand, very rarely and only when emotions are running high, they could hear the other one's thoughts. That baffled them as it was random and very hard to realize at first, to notice an intrusion of someone elses thoughts inside your head, but it always came with a splitting headache so they only used it when it was absolutely necessary or as Y/N said - when Ethan tried to hide things from her.

And Grayson?

He had two failed marriages behind him, the second one falling apart at the moment. The only family he had was the one his brother and sister made for themselves, his dreams of it all working out long gone. His only source of happiness were the kids he was coming to see, all the way from Los Angeles to New Jersey where Ethan and Y/N ended up raising their children in.

"Yeah, beautiful?" Ethan peaked out from the hall, checking out his loving wife who had looked more enchanting as the years went by. He never got used to her, losing his breath every time he sees her, in every state she's in - emotional, angry, cheeky, happy, worried - every state she was ever in, Ethan loved her and he still couldn't believe she was his.

"We need milk. Someone drank all the almond milk and now I can't make us pancakes and I promised." She pursed her lips, throwing away the empty carton. Walking toward Ethan, she swayed her hips seductively on purpose, as if just asking wasn't enough to make him do anything she wanted. She slid her hands onto his shoulder, than her forearms over them until she was at her tiptoes, her lips ghosting over his as a small smile pushed its way onto her face when he brushed his nose against hers.

"Milk? Anything else?" Ethan cocked his eyebrow, smirking as he saw her cheeks flushed once she sensed his desire is greatly misplaced considering the timing.

"We just did anything else and I am more than willing to do anything else tonight too. But our birds are almost grown entirely and we need to send them on their merry way and I need you to spend some time with Grayson today. He's not doing well, E." Her forehead wrinkled, showing off all the worry lines she acquired over the years of taking care of three growing children, one of which took up after his uncle with all the allergies possible. And he loved every line. Every single crevice of her body, every damn imperfection, he only loved them more. Those imperfections stood witness of all the love they've shared, the life they lived. All of it.

"I know." Pecking the tip of her nose, Ethan groans, pressing his hard on against her just in case she changes her mind, but he knew she wouldn't.

"Go, you horny teenager." She whispered under her breath, kissing him properly like she always did before he left the house.

"I love you." Ethan mumbled, wanting nothing more than to take his wife upstairs, but he's a father too and he wanted his children to have a good last day before heading off to conquer the world.

"I love you too." She smiled against his lips, parting with him as if it's the last time she'll ever see him. The moment Ethan turned his back on her, Y/N slapped his ass, making him turn around with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Oh, you're gonna have to be punished tonight. Thoroughly." Winking, Ethan left his wife in the kitchen, but she wasn't alone for long as the kids quickly came round and made her head hurt. Sometimes it felt like they were all still very much five years old, not twenty two and seventeen. But Grayson walked in a moment later too.

"You're already having a crazy house, even at eight." Grayson chuckled, putting down his suitcase before walking over to Y/N, pecking her on the cheek - longingly, sweetly, tenderly, before he leaned on the counter with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes set on three grown up devils chasing each other, passing the kitchen every minute at least once.

"Always, Gray. Always." Y/N laughed, wiping her hands on her apron before taking it off as well, leaning on the counter herself, her hand tucking itself under Grayson's elbow, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Just passed Ethan. He seemed chipper considering the time." Grayson stated, raising his right eyebrow in a teasing manor, forcing Y/N to hide her face in his arm for she knew Grayson knew why Ethan woke up so happy today and that she had a huge role in that.

"Yeah. So, how...how are you? Considering all?" She changed the topic to something she was more interested in. It was never easy on her, knowing Grayson's timer never worked after their accident and she felt somewhat responsible. It hurt her seeing Grayson crumble, seeing him lonely and bitter over love, over everything she had and was simply out of reach. Every girl he had was without a soulmate, each of them giving up for various reasons. Mostly, she missed Grayson. She missed him all the time, because he was always traveling, keeping busy. She missed his smile, the way he'd giggle, the way he'd scream the house down and how he'd always start up a dance party at any hour to make her laugh. He was always her best friend, her person, the one who knew what it felt to be on death's doorstep. He understood, he helped her through and he was there when Ethan wasn't. She forgave her husband for that, but she couldn't forget who was there holding her hand when every step she made was hell.

"Uh, fine. I guess." Grayson scratched his right eyebrow, clearing his throat.

Y/N leaned over just in time, just enough time to see.

"Fucking shit, your timer works!" She couldn't hide her excitement, noticing it was fully functional which mean Grayson might have something good on the horizon.

Frowning, Grayson looked at his wrist in panic, his eyes widening once he noticed the clock ticking too fast, way too quickly toward zero.

"What the?" Y/N managed to say just as the wind is knocked out of her lungs, her hand going to her heart and her look fixating in the distance, right on her three kids who were forming a pile of humans right at the front door, screaming over something she couldn't quite understand. Not when her heart stopped beating, not when her lips parted as a strangled cry passed them, not when all she could feel is pain.

And then the pain was gone, the timer on Grayson's wrist glowing brightly as he caught Y/N just before she fell to her knees, her eyes fighting to keep open while she gripped Grayson's comforting arms with all her might, hearing nothing but a faint 'I love you' echoing in her head, the splitting headache taking over, forcing her to give up and close her eyes; close her eyes to the world and open her eyes to her connection.

"Ethan?" She stood in the middle of a grand white staircase, the light blinding her.

"Right here." Y/N turned around swiftly, her hair falling forward as she looked at her husband, all dressed in white, just as young as he was when their connection was sealed.

"What? What is this?" Her voice shook and her lips quivered, the view of him looking so angelic rendering her shaken beyond belief. She couldn't understand, grasp what's happening, even if she knew.

"I promised you a forever and I meant it. Our forever just got a little shorter than we thought, yet so...so much longer than what I thought it would be." Ethan smiled, his eyes brimming with tears as he came closer, taking her shaky hands in his freezing cold ones, leaning down as he placed his forehead on hers, both closing their eyes for a single moment.

"I don't understand." She whispered fearfully, tightening her hold on Ethan, looking up at him with her teary eyes, her chin trembling.

"I love you. I didn't want to go, but we don't always have a choice, my beautiful, beautiful girl." Lifting his left hand, he placed it on her warm cheek, watching her lean into it instinctively, making it harder for him that it has to be. But he couldn't take the easy way out, even though it was offered to him. She didn't take it back then either.

"We've had so many happy years. Kids, each other, a big house and great jobs...we had it all. I'm sorry I couldn't be there with you on the porch swing eating biscuits like you planned when we get old, but I'll still be with you. In your dreams, always." Pressing his lips against her forehead, he took a step back, even when she started to cry.

"NO!"

"I will be waiting, my love. Always yours." Ethan started walking up the staircase, glancing back at Y/N, but her feet are unable to move no matter how hard she willed them to.

"Ethan, please! Please! I love you, please!"

Y/N's eyes snapped open, the harsh light unforgiving as her kids came into focus above her. And Grayson. He was there too, so painfully similar to the man she married.

Sitting up, her eyes fell to the timer that glowed so gloriously, tears falling down, her hand touching her chest right where she used to feel Ethan, finding nothing there at all.

That's when she realized:

"He's gone."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Tags: @accalialionheart @castiel-savvy18 @notanotherdolantwinsblog @peacedolantwins @mutuallynotmutual @fallinginlove-16 @heyits-claire @daddygraysonsbitch @godlydolans @xalayx @ethanhes @dolandolll

#ethan dolan #dolan twins #ethan dolan x reader #ethan dolan soulmate au #ethan dolan fanfic #ethan dolan fic #ethan dolan fanfiction #ethan dolan fluff #ethan dolan angst #ethan dolan au #ethan dolan x you #grayson dolan

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itsyaboikeeen · 4 years

Text

Closure: The Story of My First Love

Ten years.

After 10 long years, I finally had my closure

I guess no one really knew the who, when, where, why and how of my first love.

Who was she?

When did it happen?

Where did I meet her?

How did I fall in love with her?

Why didn’t we work?

This will probably be a long read, so you might as well sit down in a comfortable place when you read this.

I guess, I should probably start from the beginning of my story.

I met my first love when I was on 5th grade. Funny, right?

"How can you say that you fell in love already at that age?", you might say.

She was just a transferee from who knows where. At that time, I never knew that she'd be one of my first and most painful heartbreak. I was so... innocent.

As THE friendly student, I always tried to be close with everybody. And surprisingly, when I met her, we got along really well.

She was such a crybaby, as far as I can remember. But, when she cries or when she gets mad, everybody shuts up and listens to her. Badass.

You see, I was raised strictly by my parents. I always had to focus on my studies, even after class. I rarely slacked off at home. I was always serious about examinations and studying.

But, when I met her, I learned how to loosen up. She made me see things in a way that I've never seen that way before. She made me appreciate all these little things, around me. She made me realize a lot of things. When I'm with her, I felt like I was myself the most. It was fun, having her around. She was always at my back, observing. She was the Hinata to this Naruto. LOL.

It was by the end of the 5th grade when I 'accidentally' knew she had a crush on me. I was visiting a friend of mine at lunchtime when I heard someone arguing at the visitor's area. When I went inside, I saw her infront of one of her friends, confessing that she has feelings for me. Her friend was teasing her and she was tearing up already. Right then and there, our eyes met, and she immediately cried, shouted and ran away from us. It was so funny... and cute at the same time; I thought.

No one has ever had a crush on me. Not ever. Or at least, told me they did. I always thought there were better... more good-looking guys than me. Why the hell would she ever had a crush on me? At that time, I was very blind and in denial.

After that event, everything became awkward between us. We rarely talked with each other. She always avoided me whenever I tried to talk with her. It was cute. Very cute.

It was not until the 6th grade when we started texting with each other. We talked, and talked. For hours. Every night. I remember using my mom's phone to text with her so I had to be sneaky as fuck.

I think my mom had an idea, because at one point, she caught a flirt-y-ish text she sent. She asked me later if I have a crush on someone from my class. I straight up denied my feelings and told her I wasn't 'crushing' on anybody.

Maybe I was scared. Until now, maybe I'm still a scaredy-cat. I never had the guts to tell my mom that time that I had a crush on someone, mainly because I thought of it as a distraction to my studies.

And still, after graduation, I asked her out.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

This boi rushing.

So, guess what happened?

She laughed.

She just... laughed. And completely changed the topic. But, I never gave up. She said she wasn't ready for that. So, I made a promise with her. Cheesy as it may be, I told her my heart will always be hers. I even went as far as telling her, 10 years from that day... if she's still single, I would marry her.

Have you ever had that feeling? That rush. That strong beat from your heart, shouting: I want to be with her. So bad. I want to be there when she laughs. Or when she cries. I want to see her happy every time.

Is this what having 'butterflies in your stomach?' felt, I asked myself.

I was at the edge of the cliff... ready to fall. Ready to fall in love. But, she held me back. She pushed me back, rolling down the hill, and into a deep, dark, and cold sea. Eventually, things got cold between us. We entered high school, trying to forget what he had.

Fast forward to first-year high school. She and I were in the same class. There were a lot of amazing transferees, competing to be top of the class. Typical Asian setting.

The pressure to be at the top was immense since majority of the students who were in that class were elementary achievers. Valedictorians, salutatorians, and honor students. I was very occupied that year.

Throughout that year, she had a "friendly" relationship with this guy who I think had a crush on her. I could smell his intentions, reeking from his enormous nose. I'm sorry dude, if you are reading this. Hahaha. But I doubt that.

I was really jealous of him. She was blind about it.

He held her hands all the time, even when they're next to each other in class. She leaned on him, whenever she took a nap. They hangout after class before they go home. Go to recess together. They might as well kiss when they see each other first thing in the morning.

*sighs*

I think I did confront her about it, but we only ended up fighting. I convinced myself I was just terribly infatuated with her. The year ended, and the guy she was with left our school for personal reasons. I didn't care.

Summer 2013. I got a text from her. She was going to see her mom for a long time. We started texting each other again. It was only a matter of days when I found myself, falling for her again. You fragile motherfucker.

My shield was up. I'm clothed with armor. And she freaking drops good morning and good nights like freaking nuclear bombs.

Up until now, I've kept all of her texts in my old Nokia phone, that I can't charge anymore. I should probably get that deleted.

I saw her pictures online that summer. She looked so happy. She was an angel.

An angel of death, I mean.

I was so excited to see her on the first day of class.

I felt like my heart would burst the moment I see her.

*Kriiiiing kriiiiing*

The school bell rang. But, she didn’t show up that morning. I can overhear her close friends asking each other where she was. Maybe she didn't plan to go to school today, or maybe she wasn’t still here. I thought.

The morning classes continued that day and I couldn't help myself but think about her. I almost gave up from thinking about her when one of our classmates shouted.

Our classmate was looking at our school gate, screaming her name. She was late. Verrrrrrrrrrry late.

Everyone in our class stood up and looked outside the window. She was running across our school court towards the room. And when she entered the room, her friends came running towards her. Her best friend gave her a solid hug. I think she gave each and every close friend of hers a hug. She greeted everyone... except me.

Heh.

She didn't even look me in they freaking eye. I... couldn't approach her. The teacher tried to take control of the class, and our class resumed.

I think it was days after that, before we started talking again. But, it was just casual talk. Dull. Very dull. "Isang tanong, isang sagot" [One question, one answer], as we call it here in the Philippines.

I was so frustrated. I couldn't understand her.

Whyyy? I mean... whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???

I think it was three or four months after that when I learned that she was going out with someone, again. This time, she was going out with the cousin of the guy she called her "guy bestfriend" from first year. He was in our class, too.

This time, their relationship was very discreet. Everyone in our class knew. It was like a big slap in my face. I was beyond creepy at that time. I lowkey look at them sometimes when no one's watching me. Getting more jealous each passing time.

I was already thinking dozen of ways how to kill that guy. I was filled with... rage. I even fought the guy, over her. Now that I'm thinking of it, it was quite hilarious. I kept on telling the guy that she and I were in love with each other, but then he argued if we were really into each other, then why was she with him? And I... didn't know the answer, too. I stepped back. At that point, I asked myself.

Do I really look like just a rebound to her? Maybe I am.

Was she just using me? Maybe she was.

I was so confused. I thought we had something. Right then and there, I decided to give up. And move on.

Months later, they broke up. I didn't bother knowing why.

My friends kept on telling me to move on.

"Babae lang yan." (It's just a girl), they said.

But, she wasn't JUST a girl to me.

To me, she was indispensible.

Irreplaceable.

She was one of a kind.

I fear that I may never be able to find someone like her.

But, I had to. I had to start moving on.

The school year ended. We barely talked with each other. The only time we had interaction were during group works. And we had to be 'professional' about it. I was. And she was, too.

There were times when we had to do a stage plays. We often played as a broken married couple. There would always be a scene where we would fight each other. Typical husband-abuses-wife scene. She would cry. She was great at that. Convincing. It seemed like it was almost true when she cried. Everyone got swayed by her acting. And then, she would slap me. Really hard.

As an actor, of course, I had to be professional about it. But damn. Her slap stinged. It was as if it was filled with sadness... and anger. And I liked it.

Don't think weirdly about it. Haha. I didn't like-like it cause I was masochistic.

I liked it cause it was less painful.

It was less painful than what I was feeling deep inside. At least with her hand on my face, even for just a millisecond, I felt a response from her. She never replies or replied to my texts that year the way she did years ago.

You see, a slap in a face would sting. A strong slap in the face would make your head numb for seconds. But her slap... her slaps made my numb heart beat.

We completely ignored each other throughout 3rd year. Hell, I couldn't even remember a single memory of her that year. We never interacted beyond necessary.

Whenever I heard her name, it rings through my ear and into my heart, then pierces it like needles for acupunctures. And trust me, it wasn't therapeutic.

Summer 2014. Our high school life was nearing to an end. It was during this time when I started to reflect on the things I did during my high school year. And one of the things that I would say I wanted to resolve was my messy ‘relationship’ with her.

So... I started texting her again. I called sometimes. And, we talked about it. I even remember a time when my cousin caught me crying in their bedroom cause we were confessing and all that romantic shit. I looked like shit, I think.

I re-confessed my feelings for her. She reciprocated. And that time, I asked her... again. The same question I asked her 4 years ago to that day.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

Guess what?

She laughed.

And then... she said yes.

My heart skyrocketed.

I couldn't comprehend what she just said. I feel like I was the luckiest guy in the world at that time. But, you'll probably get mad at me because of what you'll be hearing next.

After one week, I broke up with her.

Until to this day, I still didn't understand myself why I did it.

Was I trying to play her? No.

Was it because the thrill of the chase was over? No.

Was it because I wanted to hurt her? Maybe.

I couldn't explain myself. I kept on excusing myself with questions like: "Was everything worth it?" "Is she serious about this?" "What if everyone knew?"

Was I scared? Yes.

Did I think things through before doing it? Maybe not.

But, it is what it is. Of course, she got mad. I broke up with her two weeks before classes started. Unfortunately, we got separated into different classes on our senior year. And on one occassion, we confronted each other and said face-to-face that we didn't have feelings with each other anymore. But, I lied.

Seeing her rarely helped me forget about her every now and then. I eventually learned that a lot of guys were courting her, but I barely cared anymore.

Barely.

Seeing her, after I took a step back, it made me realize what a fool I am for letting her go.

Well, her friends did tell me to distance myself from her, if I couldn't commit. So I did. I think I wasn't ready for commitment that time. I was too preoccupied. Maybe I didn't want to be with anyone that time. I don't know. But I was an asshole for popping that question if I was that unsure.

Graduation day, her mom came back from Canada. I learned that she was going to be visiting Canada soon. And by visiting, she was going to take a VERY long vacation.

So, on the day of my birthday, I invited all of my classmates to my grandma's house to celebrate my graduation, too. I wanted her to come.

Almost all of my friends and classmates went, but she didn't show up.

It was nearly 7 ‘o clock in the evening. I called her. She said her mom was preparing for them to leave already and that she was busy.

She hung up on me.

I had no choice. I had the courage and audacity to call her mom, and invite her to come. I really wanted to see her.

(The reason why I have contact with her mom is a long story. But, we were close. I think. Hahahaha.)

Past 7PM, they showed up. Her parents met my mom and my family. And then, we left the scene to the rooftop.

My little cousins were playing around us. Observing. Meddling. They were curious who she was. I never brought any girl to our house before. And no girl has every visited our house past 7PM.

We ate supper. It was almost romantic, if only my cousing weren't there.

Eventually, they left us.

She was silent. I was, too. The lights were dim that night, but her face glimmered below the starry sky night. It was a very good night. I didn't see any clouds. I was so nervous.

This was the first time I was ever with her... alone, and no one watching.

Just the two of us.

I didn't know who would make the first move? I thought of talking, but I didn't know where to start. I didn't know what to say. I just looked at her, and she looked at me.

Right before I was about to start talking, my mom called us. They told me they need to leave already. I didn't get the chance to talk with her. Or even talk things properly.

They left that night, with me... hanging again... on a forgotten promise.

A year later, I was in college already. And we still talked with each other when she went to Canada. I kept asking her when is she coming back. She always lied about it. She never went back.

Throughout college, I still dreamt of her sometimes. Wishing she was back. But, I eventually forgot about her. There were a lot of times when she and I had "withdrawals".

Sometimes, I would tell her I miss her, and then she would leave me on seen. There are other times when she asked me if we still had a chance. And sometimes, we end up wondering on each other’s ‘what ifs’.

We couldn't seem to end our relationship.

Who knows? Maybe it was still possible.

But, she really broke me. She messed me up. I find it hard to find someone new, because I always assume that things would end up the same. Sometimes, I think I'll never love the same way again.

Two months ago to this date, I was really having a bad day. A bad week, even. Or maybe a bad month. This corona thing messed up my plans for the year. I mean, cmon... it messed up everything for us.

So, I was back in my apartment, resting... all alone. My roommate has gone home to our province, and I was spending my time alone. She messaged me on Facebook. I was pleasantly surprised. And I immediately told her, I wanted to video call her. Surprisingly, she said yes. It was midnight where she lived and it the sun was high here.

I called and she answered. She didn't look like what she looked like before. It was a very long call. We talked for hours, reminiscing about our relationship. What I did wrong. What she did wrong. What she really felt. What I felt about it. I even played her a song. Some of it were our favorites:

'Simpleng Tao' by Gloc 9

'We Could Happen' by AJ Rafael

'Girl Running Around In My Dreams' by Tyrone Wells;

and many more.

I had fun talking with her.

In the end, we talked about what mattered the most that time. Accepting that we have held onto something that can never happen anymore. At least at the moment. We decided to stay friends now, and I talk to her every now and then.

Looking back, I can say I learned a lot from that 'relationship'. And it's something that I wouldn't forget even to my death bed. I hurt her a lot. What we talked about for the rest of that day shall remain a secret for me and her.

If there's one thing I learned that I would like to share it would be:

“If you feel like you saw that special someone already, don't be afraid and seize the moment. Don't waste another time of yours of not being with that special someone.”

If you're still reading this to this point, thank you for listening to my story. You probably had a lot of time to kill. Well, I wrote this for myself anyway so I can look back at something in the future.

There were probably a lot of details I missed from the whole story. This was just my story, after all.

#love #story

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fortheloveofkuroo · 5 years

Text

Downpour

You sighed. The sky is looking gray and cloudy. Looking so gloomy and sad. With a slight of a not-so-heavy-but-not-so-light-either rain.

Another bad weather and now you're stuck in the school. All alone by yourself. Actually today makes your third time being stuck in the school untill dawn.

It's actually kinda funny. Somehow you can predict the weather and you still forget the silly little umbrella. This morning's sky is already so dark and in this state everybody will atleast bring their umbrella. But not you.

"Crap, i think i left my wallet in the class-" "Ah it's raining."

Your heart explode. Someone's voice is behind you. And it sounds familiar. A tall figure is now standing behind you.

You turn your head quickly, looking at the boy with two tone hair, heterochromia eyes, and those emotionless yet charming face. His brown-torquoise eyes are staring right into the gray sky. Guess this time you're not the only one who got stuck.

"Aren't you going home?" he turn his face to yours and made an eye contact. And this got you nervous as hell. I mean, how can you act normal around this perfect charming man without feeling nervous. And it's getting worse when he move himself to stand next to you.

Your cheeks are burning, heart heating fast. Why? Because you got a crush on him. I mean, come on who doesn't?

It's all started when you met him on elementary. At first, you hate him. He's so cold and mean. But a weird feelings started to appear in your chest when you see him smiling to himself when he eats his favorite meal and eventually you fall for him in the 3rd grade. He's already famous. He's good looking and smart and strong. You actually admire his scars, despite those cold gaze and unsociable self.

Then Junior High is coming. Once you both graduated, Shoto went to a nearby famous Junior High. He's gone and you just throw your feelings away like it was nothing. Like those 3 years of memories never happened. Still, sometimes you remember how silly yourself trying to talk to him and get to close to him.

"It was a puppy love. I know nothing back then." those are the words you keep thinking when you remember the pieces of memories about him. But you aware that this feeling could go back someday.

And it does. When High School starting, you expect nothing. Really. Untill on your second year, He applied to your school. Same grade, but different class.

You feel nothing. Even though there is a slight hope waiting inside your little heart, you choose to ignore it. The first day of school is getting closer. And you looking forward to see his face. The fact that waiting to be able to saw him again is somehow.. Exciting? Like is he getting taller? Does his voice change already? And all of the basic stuff you want to know.

And the day is here. You saw him. Quickly making your way to him. You greet him with a cheerfull "Hi!". You already prepared yourself for getting no reply, instead his gaze met yours and a small smile curve on his lips. all of sudden his hand reaches your arm and grips it. "You're here? You study at this school?" he ask you obliviously. Duh, you're actually wearing the uniform right now.

You laugh. His oblivious self is still there. But he changed a lot. And the fact that your heart skip a beat when his hand touched you. What does it mean?

"Hi."

Your mind went blank. Shoto smiles? Is this a dream? You look shocked and Shoto just stood there infront of you with his oblivious face. And his first day of school are filled with girls surrounding him. But the way he only show his smile to you is just doesn't make sense to you.

Another day when Shoto made your heart almost popped off your body, It's Lunch. Just when you make your way downstairs, a voice rings in your ear. It's him.

"Uh hey." he walks quickly to match your pace. You, who's now red as hell only nods.

"Aren't you going to eat? Let's go." his slender hand pat your arm and he just disappeared. And that little contact is enough to make you blushing like crazy. Right after buying your lunch meal, you pass him quickly. Avoiding any eye contact that possibly will just make you nervous and awkward.

Then there's today. You two, alone got stuck. You silently steal a glance at his side profile and your cheeks already heating up. Goddamnit why did he always manage to steal your heart?

"You didn't bring your umbrella?" he asked, without turning his head. Still staring blankly at the sky. You shook your head. and sits at the entrance.

Shoto sigh. "It's practically dark this morning, why don't you bring one?" You frowned. "Well how about You?" looking at his empty hands you're assuming that he doesn't bring any umbrella too.

"Well actually yes i didn't bring one for myself too." Shoto agree. You smiled when he sits beside you and hums. He's still the same Shoto you know. But what happened to him after all of these years just to comeback and i don't know, see you again after all this time?

He tilted his head. Eyes locked on yours. His different-colored eyes are just stunning. But your heart is too weak for that so you have to look away. Not too long, you hear a little chuckle. Shoto laughs.

"W-What's so funny?" you asked. Panicking if maybe something weird is on your face. He shook his head and once again smiles. Ah those smiles. The smiles that melts your heart. "You're so red. You look like a boiled crab." Feeling insulted, you hit his arm. "How dare you!" you shouted. Shoto only laughs.

"So.. Are we planning to stay here untill the rain stop, or?"

Shoto glances at you. Then gave one more smile to you. He stands up. Is he going to ask you to go home together with him? So you followed him and stands up too.

"Actually i-" "Sho!"

a high-pithed voice come from the hallway surprises you both. A beautiful girl with a black silk-like hair appear with an umbrella in her hand. She smiles to Shoto then to you.

"This is Momo." Shoto introduce her to you. She bows and smiles gracefully. "It's nice to meet you (Y/N)-san. I hear a lot about you from Shoto."

"She's my girlfriend. Isn't she pretty?" he smile. Those precious smile.

Your eyes widened. Your smile slowly fading. Did he just said "girlfriend"?

"I'm actually planning to go home with her. Is it okay? You're alone though." Shoto asked you with a worry face and you quickly shook your head. Eyes looking down with a forced fake smile.

"It's fine. You can go. Be carefull. The road is slippery." you smile. Eyes avoiding his face. Making sure that he doesn't find out your teary eyes.

"Alright then. See you (Y/N)." he left with her girlfriend. Sharing the same umbrella. You clenched your jaw. Looking up and stare at the ceiling. Prefenting the tears to go down and spill.

Your head is a mess. At this time, you don't even care what will happen. So you grip your bag and run. Running through the heavy rain. Cold water keeps hitting your skin. Making your hand and legs tremble. It's cold.

But the view infront of you is more painfull. Looking at them, the boy you always loved and his perfect girlfriend, holding each other's hand and feeling each other's warmth under the same umbrella in a heavy rain.

Yout forced a little smile. Atleast your tears aren't visible now.

---

It's actually a Normal High School!AU. And this is true story hehe. This story is actually my story. But ofc i added something to make it more dramatic. Untill now my feelings are still unstable lol it's okay tho hope yall enjoy this short story!

#boku no hero academia #boku no hero imagines #bnha imagines #bnha todoroki #shoto todoroki #todoroki shoto #todoroki shouto #bnha #my hero academia

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saltyslack-toast · 5 years

Text

How I deal with my puberty

“Teenagers are the most misunderstood people on the planet. They are treated like children and expected to act like adults” – Anonymus.

Facing the ‘youth age’ seems to be very interesting for most of the pre-teen age kids, they thought it will be filled with good memories, cool friends, hangouts, parties, and probably some of charming boyfriends. Well for some of kids, teenage phase is the way it is, they called it for a ‘stupid phase of life’ because they have been through all those reckless and dumb things yet so exciting and memorable events at the same time, but for me teenage life is probably the most broken phase of life.

Start in my early teenage which was in the 5th grade of my elementary, I started having a crush with my one year older senior. Everything was went smooth, I used to have a lot of guts to actually approach him and surprisingly he responded it very well, I’m gonna count that shit as my real first love (since I already have a crush to boys since I was in kindergarten). He was soon graduated and I CRIED SO MUCH, I don’t even understand why would I cried so much back then, but it is kinda sad because that was the first time a boy actually like me back lol and also bc me and him not gonna be in the same school again because he decided to continue his education in Islamic boarding school which was so far away from the area we lived and obviously school which my parents not gonna approves me to go to. Last year of my elementary was the first time I got period, the changes all over my body was so appalling, my voice was getting more shrill and my breast swelling so much i started used a fucking mini-bra that has a cute character printed in it. Also, this stage filled with academics stuff to prepare the junior high school and fighting with my own teacher (she was terrorizing me through anon messages, dude not gonna lie but that shit is scared me as fuck) because…. That’s a fucking long-ass story I’m going to tell you a whole complete story on different page. I got a very terrific result for my academic stuff but I also start to received a lot of bullies from the boys in school, well that was poor but I still have a very good girl pals in school that always accompany me until I managed to graduate elementary school with a very keen grade and also knowledge that my body is changed A LOT.

My middle school life would probably the darkest stage of my life, I did enter one of favorite school in Bandung which I wanted to, but I’m not as happy as I thought to be. I’m amazed with all the bewitching seniors and that’s quite tempted me to have another activity outside the academic stuff which I hoped I could get close with the seniors and try my luck to actually dating with one of them (I was so obsessed to approach to the seniors because dude just admit it, u need that RECOGNITION to survived a new phase of school life, especially when u had a popular life back in previous school stage), but I joined a fucking scouting which was the most unpopular extracurricular activities in school (Pffffttt……….). The first year was quite so so, and up to the next years I really gulping a lot of bullies from the boys (again) more than I received my whole life that was so awful I even got scared just to attend the school. At this point, my level of confidence just dropped so bad until it penetrated the last form of earth soil, I was so insecure, I can barely made any eye contact with people, since then I became more closed to people, I was so scared for getting rejection, bad and all the harsh word from people I met. And for the record, I still remember all of their names, I’M NOT GONNA TO FORGET ALL OF U BITCH, U’VE RUINED MY LIFE.

Due to all the bullies I seized, I’m not maximizing my potential and have to accept the fact that I didn’t went to the high school I wanted so bad (which was the number one in Bandung, perhaps in Indo as well), instead, I have to go the high school (still one of the most-favorited high school in B-town though) that is filled with the most popular peeps in Bandung and known for the superiority of the all the seniors there, CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE THAT? A girl who was traumatized so bad, scared of might get bullies since she’s not as beautiful, popular, rich or even attractive as most of the other girls in school. I was crying so bad to accept that difficult truth that I might got bullied again. But hey, there’s always a rainbow after the storm, turns out I did quite well in high school, I joined the student council and got so many good friends and capable of having group of girls squad (eventhough I always be the duff) and more active in non-academic stuff that lead me to a very bad grade result.

The relationship with my family is not went so smooth at all, I used to buried all my problems deep down on myself alone, and the result is no good. I was overly sensitive and got upset and explode VERY EASILY. My family doesn’t help at all, they also blame me for anything, made me hate myself more. I need to run away from this situation, I need to shed my resentment over something, AND THAT’S THE BEGINNING. I started to slashed my fingers with a cutter, not really bad, just until I saw blood drops over my fingers. But then the problem got more serious, I am addicted, after I had through a big fight with my family I start cutting up all over my hands, the blood is overwhelming (yet, I still had the time for doing the documentation, but obviously I’m not gonna post it in here anw, or maybe I will, ofcourse with a proper sensor), even when my sister have taken away all the cutters, I still use my nails to scratching my skin harshly until it get bleed terribly and left a very bad scars on my hands until now.

I failed academic stuff in high school miserably, and had to be genuinely accept the reality that I have to go to not-so-favorited-private uni in Cimahi, I took International Relations because that is the only major that is accredited with an A, lol but yeah my sister realized that I like to talk politics a lot and I’m not so bad in English (kinda true, nah still sucks). And yeah until now I just currently finished the 3rd semester very well. I got a very good grades (Probably because I regret my academic stuff so much in high school) and hoping that nice event will come up to me. My goals right now is to graduate college as soon and as perfect grades as possible, and got a very good job soon after I graduate, Oh God I want… No, I really need that things so bad.

Now I am 20 on April this year, so much things has happened in my teenage life but most of all is not that impressive because I came to be more ignorant(?), but geez I grew up doesn’t care about people, they are all so mean and cruel. But at the same time, people are so interesting to learn, including yourself. Teenage phase could be so difficult for some of you (just like me, or perhaps worse), but chillax that shit will over soon if you able to learn about yourself, finds out about anything you like and don’t, stop hearing all those shit opinion about you, what matter most is what makes you happy, focused on it and leave all the bad and negativity behind, and TRUST ME you’re gonna get over your hard-teenage-life phase soon! And if you were angry to your parents (I’m pretty sure that fight with parents happens all the time in everyone’s teenage life), take a deep breath and thinking something funny in your head, after u have control all the madness inside yourself, get over your parents nicely because that shit will never get over if you were just as emotional as them.

The more you grown up the more you understood about people around you, there are people that is fake, people that is actually care about you, and other types of people out there. Puberty might be shocking for some of you, you finds a lot of changes both in your physical and mental conditions, no need to be worry about that, is normal and very understandable. The passion for being ‘seen’ would be very strong, it would be good for you to use this ambition to achieve many great things in life but don’t forget to take care yourself and those people who care about you.

“Tough time never last, but tough people will do” – Robert H. Schuller

So yeah, that was the end of this boring and so weird writing of mine. I am so sorry if this shit was that bad and also the grammar errors that is whack (even though no one probably read it lol), this was my first experience to actually writing and posted in on any platform online, hoped my writing will get better next time!

Xiao!

#puberty #teenage #teenager #teenagers #teenagelife #bullied

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