#I seek the fucking grail

[peggy-sue-reads-a-book]

I have so much love in my heart for Chiron. Just look at that the dignity of that beard. There is no one I respect at all more in any of the Achilles lore anywhere.

Chiron, you guys. He’s like the smart Hagrid of the whole damn thing.

[pentanguine]

Terror rewatch thoughts part 2&3

James Fitzjames is following Sir John around like a little boy with his cool older brother/cousin/dad, trying so so hard but so unsure, a little ineffectual, desperately seeking recognition as The Same and mostly not getting it

The soundtrack is so subtle and alien

Hickey is a horrifically attractive little rat man to me, and idk why

Oh fuck I need to read the football AU

.

Oh fuck the welsh wigs look sort of like a knight's...uh chainmail headpieces that might only exist in Monty Python and the Holy Grail from aerial view, I might have a new AU idea

"Climbing exercises" never fails to send me howling

Not to bring up unrelated pairings and be a hater, but in a world where Sir John and Francis are savagely butting egos about leadership styles in uniform, and in a world where Fitzjames and Crozier share a Charged Look afterwards so that Crozier knows he's heard his humiliation, there are people who prefer to ship Joplittle?? Almost ANYONE has more chemistry/shipping potential

[dufrau]

bro bro bro. heres a bro question whats your favourite beers

This is an interesting question that I am going to give a terribly long and unsatisfying answer to.

The state of beer in America right now is ridiculous. I mean this in a good way. There are breweries EVERYWHERE now. Beer distribution in america used to be extremely limited by laws that were lobbied for by a few huge distribution companies, so basically you would see most of the same beers on the shelves everywhere in the country besides a few local exceptions. So it was easy to have a favorite beer because if you went to the store there were maybe 50 beers if it was a nice store and they were always basically the same.

But craft breweries have popped off in the last 20 years or so, and it has changed everything, because where there were 50 beers now there are hundreds, and if you go straight to the breweries (and why wouldnt you if you live near one?) they have limited batches of beers you might love but never drink again if they never brew it again. Breweries still have "flagship" beers, meaning the one beer of theirs youre likely to see on store shelves or on tap at a bar, but now we have access to the whole line of what they make at the brewery.

So I dont really have a favorite beer anymore, because beer is just extremely good in general now but also many of the beers i find myself loving are fleeting experiences. And even if i did have favorite beers it wouldnt be very helpful to anybody who doesnt live within a few states of me because you are almost always better off just going someplace local and finding your own favorites than spending time seeking out holy grails of beer from other places that probably arent going to be much better!

I will say that drinking beers outside at Hill Farmstead in Vermont is my favorite thing in the world to do besides fucking. It's on the top of a rolling mountain with a view forever and it smells like cow shit in the best possible way and all of their beers are sublime.

Cambridge Brewing Company has been around since like 1990 or something, sort of the original boston-area brew pub, and personally I think they are underrated. Their beers are consistently good and the food is also consistently good and I like the bartenders there. The beer there wont change your life but there are always dogs on the patio and Ive wasted a lot of wonderful days there.

I love Jack's Abby in framingham massachusetts because they mostly make lagers, and I am at an age where getting drunk isnt really the point anymore, so I would rather drink 4 lighter beers and hang out than drink 2 heavy beers and have to lie down. Everything Jack's Abby makes is good. Perfect lawnmower/shower beers. Perfect hangout beers. Its like if Budweiser actually tasted good. You can drink 6 of them and still act like a civilized person.

That's stuff I like. But my main beer advice is to check out whatever breweries are closest to you, because fresh beer is good beer.

[thevindicativevordan]

Comics this week?

Great week this week.

Superman #11 - I was right that it was a Luthor under that armor, but it wasn't his sister Lena. Wish it was, this Revenge Squad is lame other than Pharm and Graft. Should've added Humanite to the mix. For a second I wondered if Williamson had forgotten the Bizarro tease, or if he had handed that off to Aaron, but it looks like Pharm and Graft simply got their hands on a dead Bizarro clone and used it for experiments with the Kryptonite. Guess the next issue will tell us the story of what went down between Lex and those two guys, I've enjoyed them but I'm ready to move on to the Brainiac storyline.

World's Finest #24 - A nice bittersweet note to end on. Magog kills Gog to keep the ALE out of Darkseid's hands... and thus alienates himself from the other heroes for good. Great to see Darkseid not job, but Waid hurt his takedown of Magog here by writing events in a way that makes the heroes chastising Magog for making the hard call come across as disingenuous. Darkseid crushed two Supermen with ease, no one else was close enough or able to stop him, Magog made the right call in my eyes. Our Superman is still willing to forgive David, and encourages him to seek redemption after the events of KC. I liked how Magog found that redemption by serving alongside a new generation including a new Superman (the Clark/Diana kid godfathered by Batman from the epilogue of KC). Until/Unless Waid chooses to flesh that story out, my headcanon is Magog served as the kid's mentor and helped guide him so he would avoid making the mistakes that Magog made. It's a nice note that Magog managed to forge a partnership with a Superman after all. And goddamn can Mora draw the shit out of Darkseid. Would love to see him do a Fourth World arc with the whole New Gods cast.

Wonder Woman #6 - Coolest Grail has been... ever basically? I'm a huge sucker for "the villain talks major shit to the hero before the two throw down" and I liked how Grail has a sense of honor compelling her to toss her own weapon since Diana has no sword. Grail constantly invoking her father as the source of her strength and pride vs. Diana invoking Hippolyta to the same effect feels like the first interesting thematic undercurrent between the two. Going to make a separate post on this, but finally, Grail brings something to the table beyond merely being an evil WW counterpart. Loved seeing Diana take on her entire Rogues Gallery, and while she might have "lost" (but since she took her entire Rogues Gallery down too I think we can say it was a tie), I think between Sov's narration and the Wonder Girls seemingly taking Steel off the board while keeping back, we can guess that even Diana's collapse at the end is part of her plan. Sampere is an absolute beast on art. Dude drew multiple pages that I can see becoming "iconic" down the road: Diana catching and throwing the Monument back at Giganta, Diana punching Grail in the face, etc.

GL: WJ #6 - I'm going to miss Varron man, even as a zombie he's such a dick and it's great to see him and John interact because of how much they despise each other Taking the form of John's dad is such a petty dick move lol. Hell yeah, PKJ's bringing in his Old God storylines from the Warworld Saga, I loved that stuff and am eager to see it continue. Great issue, John got to kick ass with all his constructs, and the reveal about the Revenant Queen is super messed up. She's a host for an Old God like Osul is, except she's Guardian John's wife. Could she be a Katma, or is this a new OC, perhaps even someone our John hasn't met yet? Can't wait to start unpacking all the Darkstar stuff next issue. Looks like the Darkstar is going to be revealed as an Aspect of Olgrun.

Batman #144 - Yawn. Another story where Joker tells Batman he loves Bats and Batman tells him to fuck off. C'mon, I liked how Zdarsky explained the three Jokers, but this is banal.

JLvGvK #5 - Alright we get it, Clark might be dead or maybe not, no need to keep beating us over the head with it. Next issue I want to see Lex's Mechagodzilla kick the BatMech's ass, let's see Lex finally get a big win. Then for the final issue, Superman comes back to team up with Godzilla and take Lex down.

Incredible Hulk #9 - Art did a good job of giving the whole story a macabre feel. Felt like I was reading a Hellboy story in certain parts. Damn Betty and Bruce simply can't catch a break can they? I hope we get more movement on the Eldest plotline soon, I want Betty to get freed and join Bruce and Charlie on their road trip.

Ultimate Spider-Man #2 - Hickman wrote this issue for the people who claim he's all plot and no character - this issue is nothing but character work. We get Peter growing into his own, his first fight with a supervillain, May finds out her dad is Spidey, Ben and Jonah begin investigating, and the Maker's Council pokes their head in via Captain Britain berating Fisk (or is it Captain EU given he's French?). I liked how May was scared of Peter's black suit and that's why he's going to change to the red and blue look, just like how MJ in 616 is the reason Peter switched back to his red and blue costume. I bet we get a Superman: For All Seasons moment where someone compliments Spider-Man's red & blue look and Spidey proudly says his daughter made it for him. There's an interesting parallel between Peter and Harry here. Peter keeps getting his ass kicked by Shocker while Harry keeps failing to kill Fisk. Both of them are trying to be who they're "meant" to be, but neither is great at it from the start, I really like that. Oh and while Ben and Jonah continue to be a great duo, I loved the squabbling between Richard and May while Peter and MJ were texting each other. Really want more interactions between them.

And yes of course I loved that OMD nod at the end, Marvel & Hickman know what they're doing!

I have a theory regarding Mary Jane. Here she's a businesswoman, and just like how the variant cover for issue 1 teased May finding out her dad is Spider-Man, the variant for issue 2 makes MJ out to be very successful as a businesswoman. Given this "zone" is run by the technocrats, I think we're going to see MJ get a villainous counterpart offer to what Tony offered Peter, the Maker's Council will approach her to replace Fisk after Spider-Man deposes him, or maybe even Stark later on down the road. It's made clear the the Council has lieutenants who rule their own sections of the overall domains shown in Ultimate Invasion. MJ getting her own offer of power from the opposite side is the kind of drama that could set up a nice character arc for her. I think MJ ultimately being tempted but refusing causes them to go to Harry next, who accepts.

[woodsfae]

Babylon 5 s01e15: Grail First Previous

ToC

Never gonna be over how ridiculously soothing it is to see these dated graphics.

MINBARI AND DELENN HOORAY. Who is this human they venerate so highly?

Jinxo! What a great name. Deuce, suits this blackmailing dick.

Deuce has a Centauri Murder Accomplice? Or is the trauma literally being touched by their Tummy Sex Tentacles?

Wtf, Kosh ALSO has tummy tentacles that look exactly like Centauri Tummy Tentacles and helps lowlifes keep their thumb on their blackmailees? That’s a … choice.

🫠

lmao I love this beleaguered judge trying to rule on century-old alien abductions on earthlings.

Aldous Gajic is the personage Lennier and Delenn are so honored to meet. And he knows he’s a bit of a personage, too. Seeking the Holy Grail! There is so much mysticism in Babylon 5 and it always sideswipes me a bit when it crops up without notice. What else is real? The shroud of christ? Is the tree that Buddha gained enlightenment underneath in some alien’s arboretum? edit: I am now re-aware of the fact that the Bodhi tree Siddhartha sat beneath is still alive! The exact same tree, or at least one that's old enough and in the right spot to be the exact tree. Trees be ANCIENT!

“How sad. He is a holy man. A true seeker. Among my people, a true seeker is treated with the utmost reverence and respect. It doesn’t matter that his Grail may or may not exist. What matters is that he strives for the perfection of his soul and the salvation of his race. And that he has never wavered or lost faith.”

This reminds me very much of the Creepy Murderous Shak Tot speech from s01e02:

“Not all. Only the special ones. Leaders, thinkers, poets, dreamers, blessed lunatics. [...] We enshrine them, we worship them, talk to them, listen to them. We learn.”

No wonder the Shak Tot are drawn to the Minbari. They cultivate and celebrate dreamers, blessed lunatics, etc.

Interesting exchange between Delenn and Sinclair. Again. All their exchanges are so laden with double meaning and hidden meaning and intrigue that I suspect Delenn is on the show so relatively little compared to Londo/G’Kar to preserve the impact she always has.

Sinclair: “I wish [Aldous Gajic] luck. He’s probably the only true seeker we have.” Delenn: “Then perhaps you do not know yourself as well as you think.”

The fondness in their eyes when they look at each other is unbearable! If I didn’t suspect from seeing gifsets that Delenn ends up with someone not-yet-on-the-show (John Sheridan, I believe. Been waiting for him to appear) I’d be frothing at the mouth at their clear, deep affection for each other.

Nothing says I can’t froth over it regardless, but it does put a damper on parts of my foaming.

Ah, Mirriam Runningdear (a fantastic name) is only mindwiped, not dead. Kosh has mindwiping abilities. Yikes. And the Vorlon are freaked out about telepaths? What in the fuck.

Perhaps Talia could reprogram Mirriam with basic knowledge and human functions instead of going the long way ‘round by painstakingly teaching her absolutely everything starting with muscle control?!

Michael Garibaldi. Why do you have to keep being such a damn cop? Violently cleaning out the slums isn’t in any way conducive to solving poverty, crime, or ending the human drive to migrate in search of a better life.

Probably safer for Jinxo’s (Thomas Jordan) health and safety to leave, but he’s frantic to stay, for unknown reasons. He’s a highly skilled space station builder and worked on all 5 Babylons. What does he know? What safety function is he providing or think that he’s providing? (he has lovely green eyes)

Desmond Muzychenko. Much better name than Deuce, really.

Jinxo firmly believes that if leaves Babylon 5, it’ll be destroyed like all the other Babylons.

“I don’t have the curse, I am the curse.”

dun dun dunn!!! I typo’ed ‘fun’ four times trying to write ‘dun,’ and I think it deserves to be written if it tried so hard to be immortalized. Fun!

Babylon 1 was destroyed by sabotage right after he took a leave. Same for Babylon 2. B3 blew up after he took leave, hence the nickname Jinxo. B4, he didn’t take leave. Left once it was done, and he watched the station wrinkle “twisted like putty, then just disappeared. The minute I left.”

Aldous: “I’d say that you have the wrong nickname. They should have called you “Lucky.” […] To have escaped the worst each time - that’s a blessing. You’re a very lucky man. Perhaps each time you were exactly where you were meant to be.” Jinxo: “I never thought of it like that.” Aldous: “We never do.”

He seems to be a very kind man.

Na’ka’leen feeder is a critter the Centauri discovered during their colonization empire stage that can mindwipe people. Is Kosh (or a mystery Vorlon, I guess) running around with a highly illegal Crime Pet? What does this mean for Centauri Tummy Tentacles?

Londo seems seriously and genuinely disturbed about one perhaps being on Babylon 5.

The Minbari are so intense about helping a Seeker. Well, the religious half of them. When the warriors agree with the religious “it is a terrible thing, a terrible power, as recent events have shown us. Let us hope it never again happens in our lifetime.”

Well that’s unnerving. And now I expect it to happen again at least once a season.

Written words cannot express how freaky the non-Kosh voice coming out of this Vorlon-esque encounter suit is. I’m guessing it is a na’ka’leen and they’re highly predatory, and unfortunately sentient.

Where did Deuce get a Vorlon encounter suit??

Why WHY are there so many tentacles lately. Did tentacle porn spike in popularity in 1994? Don’t answer that.

Third pronunciation of Gajic so far. I have a lot of sympathy for this guy. I get about the same rate of novel pronunciations per introduction ratio for my name.

Vir is one-upping the Minbari is what he’s doing. Londo would care more if he was one-upping G’Kar, of course.

Panaceas and mystical methods of healing are a big theme in this season so far. Going to be interesting to see if/when they have a breakthrough that sticks.

Aldous is a fantastic staff fighter. And so earnest about cultivating Thomas “Jinxo” Jordan as a Seeker and blessed lunatic the Shak Tot would risk their lives to collect.

That didn’t really sound like Kosh. Feeder?

Tazer to the back > staff skillz

It really must be terrifying, thinking there’s a rogue Vorlon doing the bidding of the rising Boss Thug of the underworld.

Aldous is probably the most mystical thing to happen in the show so far. Ordering a bizarre, brain sucking Dalek-alike around successfully!

Aaaand it’s escaping. Bad news for sentients everywhere. idk if it’s going to eat Aldous, or die in his arms but I’d bet on one of the two.

hm, neither. But a Holy Mission being passed on to Thomas Jordan as Aldous dies is both fitting and spooky.

“[Aldous] found what he was looking for. What we’re all looking for: a reason. […] [a reason for] Everything, Commander. Everything.”

I do hope Garibaldi loses some sleep over the Curse, though.

[Thomas’ ship jumps away] Garibaldi: “No boom?” Sinclair: “No boom.” Ivanova: “No boom today, boom tomorrow. There’s always a boom tomorrow…what? Look, someone’s got to have some damn perspective around here! Boom. Sooner or later,”

Please can I have some Talia/Susan content. Just a touch. Even a glance! I'm dying, I'm starving!

Onwards!

[aemperatrix]

anyway. not to write fate meta in the year of our lord 2023 or anything but expanding on my previous post—Kirei is genuinely such a fascinating character and this is partly Urobuchi being unhinged but so much of it, of him, was there from conception. Nasu ‘my fetish is this one specific blonde woman but not in a Tarantino way’ really said hee hoo hee hee what if there was an eroge and King Arthur was a girl? and you could bang her? and then Put This Fucking Guy In. and I’m expected to be normal about it.

from his very name, Kirei as in the virtue of beauty, but also as in partial homophone of Kyrie, ‘Lord’, mercy, and the way we’re told his father considered him ‘a gift’, but there’s no mention made, ever, about his mother (I have theories about this and none are particularly pretty) to the fact that he realizes there is something Fundamentally Wrong with him while still a small child, and attempts to correct this, only to ultimately, and erroneously, conclude that joy itself must be a sin, because for him joy is found in the suffering of others. the irony of his name, a name which evokes the idea of light.

the poetry in it, as he is someone who spends his entire life seeking it, a search which concludes in the blazes that engulf Fuyuki.

and speaking of Fuyuki: Urobuchi does a very interesting thing in Zero with the designs of the Command Sigils manifested by each master; they’re very quick visual clues to the nature of the characters that bear them. Kirei’s resemble a dragon.

a Serpent, if you will.

serpent which he is both tempted by (yes, I mean Gilgamesh) and which he himself eventually becomes (as this is his role in Stay/night, regardless of route—he is what we would describe in the context of a fairy tale as ‘The Necessary Evil’.)

he is this to Shirou and he is this to Rin, but he is especially this to Sakura, in my opinion, because while he is not the root cause of her sufferings (that blame lay jointly on Tokiomi and Zouken’s respective doorsteps) he is, indirectly but consciously, their great architect. he is behind the Fire and he is perfectly aware of Zouken’s opportunism in taking the shards of the corrupted Grail and implanting them in Sakura. it’s HIGHLY unlikely that he is not aware of the Matou’s particular style of cultivation and of what is happening to Sakura. he could intervene but he tacitly allows it as by fashioning her into a ‘Dark Grail’, Zouken is unwittingly furthering his agenda.

in Heaven’s Feel last act when they have their confrontation, he explicitly tells Sakura that she has outdone his expectations. how? perhaps by surviving so long to begin with. perhaps because he doubted she would ever exhibit enough greed to go off the deep end; perhaps because she has had such a hard time allowing herself to desire, to be selfish, in the first place.

he considers her an ‘abomination’, but the term is not applied to her character, only to the fact that by that point she is a literal man-eater—otherwise, her psychological profile very much fulfills his criterion of a virtuous woman. he’s fond of her, I genuinely do think. like. he expresses to Shirou that she should be killed, yes, but this is in the context of her aforementioned literal man-eating, in the context of him taunting Shirou, and also in the context of him saying that killing her would be a mercy, that it would save her, both in a literal and metaphysical sense. he seems to genuinely believe that Sakura herself must be disgusted with what she has become and would prefer death to further decay. (and he understands her well enough to not be off the mark: Sakura’s desperate pretense that she has become someone else is a symptom of exactly this self-disgust.)

not that his fondness means anything good, when he is who he is, but still.

also, he can be construed as a paternal figure in relation to both Rin and Sakura, and you’d be tempted to think it is more obvious in Rin’s case, as he is her legal guardian and physically much more present in her life, but I believe it’s Sakura he leaves an indelible print on, specifically because he is yet another (physical) absentee in her life.

Tokiomi’s absenteeism, his giving away of her, taught her that she is easily disposable; Kariya, unintentionally and painfully, taught her that she should bear her lot alone, because anyone who tries to help her is doomed to die. Kirei unintentionally gives her back her autonomy because he manages to make her furious. furious and honest. he makes her into what she is and he also makes her face herself.

he assumes the position of an indifferent, cruel, perversely loving God and fashions in her his own sullied Marian analogue: he saves her life despite himself because he is a priest and letting the thing inside her die would be a mortal sin—or so he claims. ultimately he saves her life because she is, in an oblique but very real way, pregnant with his child.

and I’m expected to be normal and stable and SANE!

[knightfeared]

*If I could breathe, I'd be free / & I'd get high, I'd turn water to wine / If I could be, I'd breathe free at last / & I'd get high, I'd get so high / I'd get so high if I could breathe .

Factors of nine, reduced over time / Chasing them primes, & counting rhymes / *Facing the east, bread without yeast / Blind faith in the priests, & fear of some beast / *Breaking of bread, eating the dead / Bowing my head, gold out of lead / Wearing the veil, seeking the grail / Wall where you wail, & musical scales .

*Candles are burned, incantations are learned / Ashes in urns, & prophets return / Adam & Eve, three days to grieve / Stoned if you don't believe, only fuck to conceive . / ❛ But it’s so hard to sign my own surrender / So hard to do what I’ve intended ❜ / So hard to leave what I've defended / So hard to separate what's blended .

Two Thousand & Twelve, ringing bells / Nine circles of hell, division by three / & seven, you see / ❛ Repeat, repeat after me, repetition is key ❜ / Repeat after me, repeat after me, repetition . . . repetition is key .

[peterlorres21stcentury]

Films that should be great, but ain't

so uh, with that amazing title in mind, does anybody wanna discuss "The Constant Nymph"?

file photo: the most important yet most underused character ever

Back when I was a younger, even stupider fangirl, this movie represented the second holy grail in terms of lost media (the first was Der Verlorene). I should say difficult-to-find media, as The Constant Nymph was never exactly lost, but it was unavailable on home release or even general theater showings for 70 years. No really. The author's will stated that "the film could be shown only at universities and museums after its original theatrical run ended" (from Wiki). Don't ask me how Margaret Kennedy maintained that much fucking power over a juggernaut like Warner Brothers but it must have been one hell of a rights agreement.

As such, this was one of those movies that was simply unavailable to me for a long time, so when it was finally released from its long purgatory with a DVD home release, I was over the moon. Finally I could see Peter in the sort of lush romantic role he always deserved. Sure, I knew from my reading that much of his subplot was cut, but it couldn't be that bad, right? This movie has everything--a superb cast, a popular source novel, a moving musical score by Korngold. What could go wrong?

...I shouldn't ask that question because the answer is "everything" (with the exception of Korngold, his music can do no wrong). I knew things were off to a great start when the disc wouldn't even play in my computer--the official WB disc, not some cheapo bootleg, mind you--until I turned the optical drive upside down. Things didn't get much better from there. I'll let myself speak (if I may, haw haw), and repeat what I shared in my facebook group two years ago after my first viewing:

"I don't care how they chose to dress it up; it's the story of a grown man falling in love with a teenage girl who has a big crush on him. Sure, he claims not to be interested in Tessa romantically, but how does he explain his seeking her out at literally EVERY opportunity, and how he's much happier with Tessa than he is with his own wife? And the fact that we're supposed to see his wife Florence as a bad person because she's jealous of Tessa… no! Florence didn't do anything wrong! But instead she actually tries to apologize to Lewis for not understanding his "inner world" with Tessa. Ugggh. The whole thing was just super questionable, even for the 1940s, and I did not find it romantic at all.

Oh, and Peter was not in this movie nearly enough. We don't even get to find out about Fritz and Toni's baby! I wanted to see more of their marriage, even if Toni didn't seem to care very much for Fritz apart from what he could buy her." 😕

26-year-old Joan Fontaine fails to convince anybody she is supposed to be 14, while a concerned Peter Lorre looks on

So yeah. I could say a lot more, but I'll let it go for now. This is one of those films that has all the ingredients of a true classic, except somewhere along the way the director, screenwriter, and editor all tripped over each other and sent everything sprawling into the undignified void, leaving us with the awkward result.

[gh0stgr1nder]

tell me about the card symbolism i don’t remember a lot of tarot

thinking mostly abt the hermit and the hanged man so im gonna talk about thay . the hermit symbolizes seeking an inner voice or calling upon a vision within / a need of understanding and advice or a wise person to offer guideance , which calls back to the hanged man rusts , which is why galahad [aka ME :3] sat in the chair and is what set off the GRAIL quest , a good title to end off galahad's [MY :3] character

and the hanged man symbolizes ultimate surrender , sacrafice , or being suspended in time / wisdom , circumspection , discernment/judgement (in christian contexts: perception in the absence of judgment with a view to obtaining spiritual guidance and understanding) , trials , sacrafice , intuition , divination , and prophecy . being suspended in time symbolizes when brian got trapped in the sun , circumspection symbolizes "I have all those I trust around me / This world’s hard and I must be too / There’s none of that trust left for you" , judgement symbolizes gawain , trials symbolize the quest for the GRAIL , sacrafice symbolizes the many sacrafice deaths [galahad , lancelot and guinevere , mordred , like all the rest of camelot] , divination symbolizes galahad [ME] , gawain , and arthur talking to brian , prophecy symbolizes the whole fucking song

[straightfromthetorturedpoetsdept]

i will never stop reminding you cunts that self-diagnosis is the entire founding principle and holy grail of medical science and always has been. doctors do not come to your house and diagnose you based on supermagical abilities they have to just telepathically sense your disorder, all they do is order tests based on putting together the symptoms you tell them you're having.

it is a slippery fucking slope to pretend like people fake mental illness more often than they fake physical illness and it is still ableism when it is aimed at the mental health community, not just the physical health community. people overwhelming do not fake diagnosis for "no other reason but attention" and if a person is faking diagnoses, they most likely have a very real but different diagnosis instead of the one they think they have.

its fucking dangerous to pretend like tiktok is leading to an increase in "fake" autistics just because ur uncomfortable with just how visible autism information is nowadays when all the data and evidence is showing that this increase of visibility is leading to *more* professional diagnoses of autism and unless ur implying some national conspiracy where thousands of people are faking autism good enough to fool thousands of professionals, there is no evidence to suggest a moral panic about the rising number of autistics in our society.

you can call out the fact that tiktok makes autism misinformation more accessible without fearmongering about the latest "attention seeking craze" hitting teenagers nowadays.

[hellsvestibule]

I’m thinking about lb6 and it’s directly paralels to the version of the quest for the holy grail I read. the main plot about compassion fatigue, a world full of ailing people trying to pull you off your pedestal because you’re the only one who seems strong enough to save them, bc you were Fated to save them thus to them you exist for that and nothing else, and the resulting callousness, paranoia, despair, and anger that results from a hero put in that position.

In the version I read this was the Lancelot plotline. It’s why I’m so weird about him, guys. I promise. He’s actually well written in other narratives. But also! I love it not being him, bc fgo wants to challenge the notion both that the Arthur adjascent wouldn’t crack, but also, is she going to crack in the same ways as him, no, bc she’s her own character and holds true to her identity as who she is in that moment, and that’s all she can really do, and that’s enough, that tiny thing makes all the difference between which character is going through this and the conclusion you’re meant to take, bc having yourself might be all you’re left with in the end. Bc if you haven’t read that adaptation (I don’t necessarily recommend it, lb6 is better in the messaging it sends) like you maybe wont understand this is really close to an existing plotline, bc you’re kind of conditioned when looking for The Story to focus on the names and events rather than focusing on the emotional through line, the thing that gets neglected. And lb6 wants to fuck this to hell and back. It’s specifically about fucking this up and it Should be. And this is also I think something people ignore when criticizing some aspects of the inaccuracy of fate characters. Well. They’re narratively self aware and trying to fight it. Even in the original narrative. Why would it necessarily always play out the same way even if it plays out the same way? You can have events reflect and repeat while still having it lead towards a meaningful progression where things change. You are going to inflict your perspective onto the story whether you want to or not. Why fight that. Why seek for an accuracy you don’t understand, when fate can be completely wacky and still easily pinpoint the heart of the story better than your average Hollywood adaptation, the part that can resonate with Anyone who feels like they’re inheriting a world too broken to save, and being broken by it? I do not give a fuck if blorbeth from the knight drama finds the cup and scepter, that’s just dressing to the pathos, it’s Sad that people are suffering, and this slowly poisons the happiness of people trying to hold onto joy, until they cave and to misery and despair. It’s sad for everyone involved.

Maybe that’s just the part of me that’s disinterested in accurate adaptation of Arthurian myths and in fact actively finds them boring and awkward. There’s so much self awareness coming from lb6 that feels very similarly to how I feel in regards to frustration to how these things are usually adapted. Fuck the names and places and events. There was once a time when those things were fresh, and had to Earn their place in our lexicon, rather than being taken for granted you could just slap them down and hit the same emotional through lines by invoking a name you don’t really understand. If you’re too much of a stickler for being respectful to ol’ Arthur and all the silly prophecies and battles, if you fear criticism for changing things, or in delivering admirable characters rather than entertaining and compelling ones you might focus on that and little else. when the story wouldn’t have stuck around so long if all it was about is objects which more or less abstractly represent wealth or power. Like who the fuck cares about that! .If you asked me what “important” thing happened in the quest for the holy grail or really any Arthurian story I’ve read. I could not recall a single fucking detail which isn’t more obviously correlated to a character suffering or dying. I just remember the knights constantly getting lost and eating shit, and the particular above plotline in particular bc it was very emotional and relatable and one of the things that sold me on Lancelot as a character, and why I’m so idk. Pissed he hasn’t been treated properly outside vague hints that like, 2 or 3 people in the whole story understand him, even if they’re holding out for another twist ending, idk if that’ll make up for it. But still, lb6 is Good. Fgo is making everyone realize like wow this shit is actually really relatable and sad and tragic. It is! Which is why I was so mad that the message you’re meant to take at the end of the version I read is basically. The one Sakura receives at the end of fate/zero. Galahad existrd basically as nothing but a self sacrificial object representing Lancelot’s lost innocence. He existed entirely to heal the rot and pain in everyone else, and was worthless the moment he could no longer do it. So he, a child possessing Lancelot’s childhood name, dies of heartbreak when he reaches adulthood. It’s tragic, sure, there are parts of it that are genuinely compelling, but it’s specifically bc the indignation you feel on their behalf if you have an ounce of compassion. the message it’s used to sell about purity is rancid. Fgo knows it’s rancid. Part 1 ends with fou being unable to accept Mash’s fated death via her connection to Galahad, and ironically repeating the narrative and sacrificing himself for her. Lb1 ends w a reflection of this playing out a thousand times and Galahad has to leave Mash bc there is no fucking innocence left in that world and that’s all he was allowed to be.

Fgo gets this more than most adaptations of Arthurian myth that would focus too much on the specificity of certain details and maybe miss the tragedy of the story being about an ailing world corrupting the goodness of the very people trying to save it. I don’t really care about preserving the dignity of kings of a bygone era. The surrounding context and details don’t matter. It’s all a dream, everyone’s already dead, embrace chaos. I find so much live action adaptations boring for the lack of this. Arthurian stories are fucking unhinged and hilarious and fucked up and depressing. But they’re that for how the characters can be relatable and pathetic despite all the pomp and circumstance. It’s Boring to translate these tales to our modern Hollywood sensibilities of valor romance or narrative cohesion and disliking being interrupted by nonsense and characters having ugly pathetic reactions to their circumstances. But fgo exists within a format that thrives w this sort of wackiness and also isn’t afraid to go hard w drama. I don’t read these stories bc I care about kings and knights. I read them bc they’re funny fucked up and sad. These people will mow down like 50 people in battle then awkwardly apologize about it after. Women will ride out of the field on a steed of some sort and just start infodumping lore and metaphors that completely fly over your head. This is charming and strange.

Like I said, tho, the only need to read the original is if you want to know how and why fate confronts it. the message about holding tight to your identity and boundaries. Its bullshit that the version I read commits really hard to the idea that personal autonomy is bad, submission is good, and you are only worth as much of yourself you can sacrifice to others. And lb6 is instead like, no, let this bitch go off. One of the most iconic moments in the og was how they try to pull that shit on Gawain and he’s literally like, with all due respect I am arrogant and shameless and will never learn :) and you’re probably supposed to think this is hubris. when compared to the toxicity of the overall message it’s actually a bright ray of sunshine. Like. Where is your rage, bitch. Rage. Rage against the lying of the light! Gawain…i mean…sometimes he could genuinely do with a bit more shame but Someone needed to just be like you know what no thanks I don’t care about salvation I’ll go to hell when I die.

[calamityhen]

tag your answer

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale S6 E21 (#116 The Stand)

Jughead Jones the writer is a person who either can’t or won’t abide by the rules of any genre. His fiction was basically a memoir, and his journalism is one in which he becomes the story.  “This may be the last article I ever write” says journalist Jughead Jones, indifferent to the fact that in true journalism the object is for the writer to disappear, pretending instead to convey the voice of ‘objective bystander.’  What Jughead is writing is a personal essay.

Percival can levitate now, apparently, which is funny.  Western media often takes very Good Things from Eastern media (such as the Buddha sitting lotus position when he achieved awakening) and then say YES, THE EVIL DOES THIS.  Have him put on a druid’s costume and walk around a makeshift Stonehenge or something - wouldn’t that be more his speed? 

Archie is given a military strategist role so he makes like Napoleon to move little dolls around on a map while the women do all the actual work.  Heather and Cheryl find the opening of the Hellmouth by using two different kinds of folk witchcraft, after which Tabitha brings in the Catholic imagery (the one true religion? LOL). Placing the Holy Grail (remind me again how exactly she has this??) fills it with what looks like oil. 

Percival has put the town on lockdown- nothing in or out.

Reggie is a step too late to intercept Percival at his shop.  He’s instructed to burn it down.  Reggie rescues the portrait of Hiram that Percival took from Veronica, then watches as Cheryl sets fire to the entire building.  (I’m sad that Jughead didn’t get to see this. He would’ve had a much better time than Reggie.)

I find it impossible to feel anything other than glee and relief at the decapitations of Alice Cooper, Tom Keller and Uncle Fucking Frank.  Not even Betty, with her  Virgin Mary blue sweater, being very upset while talking to her sister Polly (who has come back wrong, You can’t tell me otherwise), can make me feel bad about it.  Kevin seeking comfort from Fangs and Toni about his dad also didn’t make me feel a bit moved.  I’m happy to see Moose though, who has come through in a way that Kevin has never come through for anyone, to lend Kevin emotional support in his time of bereavement.

Veronica comes to check in on Archie.  Archie does not mourn Uncle Fucking Frank, not even a little bit. This is the smartest that Archie has ever been on this show and the most I’ve ever liked him.  The second smartest that Archie has ever been comes immediately after, when he asks Veronica to come as the negotiation expert for when Archie will meet Percival to discuss the rules of engagement for this conflict.

Before they have the sit down with Percival, The Gang, such as it is, gather at the El Royal.  Under a big photo of Fred, these are the people sitting or standing in a big circle, in order:

Cheryl, Betty, Archie, Veronica, Fangs, Toni, Tabita, Jughead, Kevin, Moose sitting behind Kevin and just outside the ‘main’ circle, and Reggie.

It’s a pretty depressing discussion.  Betty correctly says this is likely a trap. Despite their efforts last episode, they don’t really know everything Percival wants in any specific way, and they really don’t have the tools to stop him from getting the things they DO know he wants.  

What they want is also kind of odd to me. They want to negotiate the return of Alice, Tom and Frank. 

Beyond two of them being parents of two in the core circle, why do they want these three people back?  Simply from the manner in which they died I suppose.  They were shit people and shit parents but Tom and Alice didn’t deserve to be guillotined on live tv. (Uncle Fucking Frank totally deserved it and I stand by that). 

In any case, the lengths that the group is willing to go to get the three dead olds back is something the group itself can’t agree on.  Baby Anthony (access to or custody of) is obviously a non starter.  Veronica suggests offering half of Riverdale. Jughead objects to a reinstatement of a Northside/Southside creation in Riverdale. Curiously, Fangs and Toni do not object. 

Cheryl wants to kill Percival, but Tabitha says no because she has seen multiple futures, most of which are bad.  Rashness  apparently should be avoided. 

Over music that tries to ramp up the tension, Veronica asks the bereaved - well, really just Betty and Kevin - whether they’re willing to say goodbye to their mommy and daddy for good, or willing to give something valuable to a literal demonic sorcerer to get them back.  Since sacrificing something they want for the benefit of other people are not traits that either Betty or Kevin have demonstrated, the answer appears to be no.

Just before Veronica and Archie take off for their sit down with Percival, Tabitha tells them that shooting Percival point blank actually helped come to a non-apocalypse resolution in one of the futures that she saw.  Armed with this knowledge, Veronica and Archie arrive at the Babylonium.

It seems to no longer be functioning as a casino and is generally a Ghoulie hangout.  Twyla Twyst is there in very interesting pants. Guess who are Ghoulies now, from mind control?

I had to actually pause to recognize Dr. Curdle Jr. because he just looks like he took to being a Ghoulie.  Looks BORN to it.  Doctor Curdle Junior and Principal Weatherbee are now confirmed as lovers right? Right? That’s what we’re being presented with, right?  Also Principal Weatherbeen has GUNS for days AND is wearing eyeliner and I AM HERE FOR IT.

I think the lady who walked by in a sullen trance right after that was the social worker lady but she didn’t make as much of an impact. 

At the sit down itself, in the now slightly rotten looking Babylonium CEO office, the power imbalance is so bad.  Percival is sitting behind a desk, making Veronica and Archie stand.  Veronica is super powerful, though, because Percival tells her he has taken all sorts of measures to protect against her venom (filters in nostrils, skin coated with sealant).  

Veronica and Archie offer a very simple exchange:  3 dead bodies in exchange for Archie giving himself up as prisoner. 

“I’ll be your prisoner.” 

Archie COULD HAVE just left it at that, but then he gets weird about it. He adds.

“You can do whatever you want to me.” 

I mean. That generally tends to be what being a prisoner under these circumstances would mean, right? 

Then it gets weird. If he was trying to negotiate the terms of his imprisonment, he could’ve tried setting boundaries for things he does NOT want to put up with, but Archie starts listing things that sound like stuff he WANTS Percival to do:

starve me

chain me up 

And Percival tries to head Archie off at the pass because I think he is slightly worried about what else Archie is going to say, because he interrupts with a mild, ‘Sounds great’ while Archie is still talking.

I admit I tensed up when the next thing Archie says is, “Force me-”  but it turns out he was coming to a conclusion: “Force me out of the final battle.”

Percival brandishes some terrible looking weapon at them, explaining that this was forged and fortified with magic. He bluntly states that he doesn’t need to negotiate with any of them because he has so many magic weapons at his disposal.  

Then Veronica, overriding Jughead’s earlier objection, offers to split the town in half. Percival doesn’t want that either.  He just wants revenge on the descendants of the original set of people who tried to get him executed, and to own all of Riverdale. He wants total surrender.

Veronica makes the mistake of monologuing right before she takes out the gun to shoot him, which gives Percival time to do magic and transform the gun into a toy.  The sarcastic lip-bite of sadness he makes at Veronica, whom he clearly thinks is so cute, makes me want to shoot Percival myself. 

Percival offers to be ‘merciful and generous’ if they surrender, rather than fight, at the Diner (“wherever that is these days”)  at 8:30 that night.  He claims he is willing to be “merciful and generous.”  Percival offers the return of the three bodies so that the others can ‘mourn or bury’ them.  Ghoulies are shown wheeling caskets out for the failed negotiators as Percival looks down from on high.  

I really like the theatricality of Ghoulie dress.  One woman is wearing black and white checked print leggings that have red flowers printed on top of the check like bloody wounds.

Twyla wants to know why Percival gave them “what they want.”  To which she gets condescended to (“How little you know of true warfare”)  but we get treated to Percival calling Archie and Co. “meddlesome.”  Percival says actually that he’s “paying them back in kind” for the plans that the gang ruined.  Twyla doesn’t know what that means but doesn’t ask.

Back at the Diner, Cheryl is trying to explain her resurrection powers.  I’m completely distracted by the fact that her skintight, high necked dress comes with matching gloves attached. The gloves aren’t fingerless exactly, but they expose the underside of her hands.  What is this outfit? 

Betty wants to say goodbye to her mother’s body. This is when they discover that Percival did a reverse Titus Andronicus and withheld the decapitated heads.  This is a very sick, intense joke.   Cheryl says she can’t do the resurrection unless the bodies are ‘whole.’ 

Jughead uses the words “our loved ones” in this extremely generous way to describe the three dead, but maybe this is for the article. 

To balance out the grimness of what has gone before, we are treated to Jughead and Tabitha being sweet in their apartment, as a breather.  I like the subtle color coordinating they’re doing with Jabitha, even if they seem dressed for entirely different seasons.   Tabitha is in a violet summer top, sleeveless and light.  Jughead is a warm red-brown fall sweater, long sleeved.  Jughead is making a sandwich which on closer inspection seems to be cream cheese, tomato slices and lettuce on white bread.  This is probably why Tabitha didn’t want one.

Tabitha, tears in her eyes, urges Jughead to escape from Riverdale (where nobody can leave) by using his portal powers, because as D-Day approaches, so does his death.  Jughead solemnly says that he is not going to leave Tabitha (first and foremost).  I don’t think his resurrection was voluntary, because Cheryl just forced it on him, but he’s reframed it to be something he did for a purpose that is meaningful to him:  To do what he can to stave off the apocalypse, partially, but to stay with Tabitha so she doesn’t have to face whatever is coming without him.

The courtly gesture of Jughead kissing Tabitha’s hand as she weeps over his inevitable doom, that he himself has fully accepted, was very moving.  

Meanwhile, Percival mutters Latin over a collection of big creepy dolls. One of them looks sewn together like Frankenstein’s monster. 

 Reggie is day drinking (beer) with Archie at Archie’s house, asking what the plan is.  Archie wants to take the battle to the forest, and he lays out his plan - Cheryl is in charge of fighting with magic, Jughead is in charge of fighting with telepathy, and everyone else just um, fights. When Archie goes to get him another beer, something turns in Reggie and Bingo the unkillable magic dog starts growling.  

Betty doesn’t want to see Polly right now, saying she wants to be alone, when she hears an intruder in her house.  

Veronica is day drinking (absinthe) at her apartment with the lovely Kandinsky when her abuelita comes knocking. 

Heather and Cheryl are at the main sitting room in Thornhill which is always dark, with lots of red candles lit.  Just as Heather is about to tell Cheryl something important about Bailey’s Comet, Jason comes in calling for Cheryl in a creepily sing-song way.   They call each other Cher-Cher and Jay-Jay. 

Heather can tell something is wrong immediately, but Cheryl is highly manipulable by Jason- when he bursts out with  WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO MEAN TO ME, she tries to appease him.  Jason shoots an arrow right at Heather!  

Even when pierced by an arrow, Heather has the presence of mind to tell that she wasn’t the actual target, urging Cheryl to run for it.  Jason shoots the Cheryl Fox-head self portrait right in the center of its chest as Cheryl escapes.

Reggie continues to get the BEST LINES this season (“Are you a wizard?” being one).  

“You know what Bro?” - STAB!!! - “You’re not that smart.” 

From one himbo to another, oh my!  The deadpan delivery of this made me cackle with joy. And this unleashed the most deranged and exciting few minutes of Riverdale EVER.

Betty sneaks down to her living room to see a big half naked man rummaging through her kitchen drawers, clearly looking for a weapon.  

I LOVE BETTY ACTION HERO SO MUCH YOU GUYS!  I can’t even begin to tell you. 

You know how Cheryl screamed when Jason shot the arrow at her?  That’s a typical Cheryl reaction. As a woman who screams at that same high pitch at every upset, I identify with Cheryl, but I admire Betty a lot more.  Betty never screams or goes into denial at moments like this.  She always makes the correct decisions when faced with mortal danger - accepts the danger, accepts the reality of the situation, scans the room for the best available weapon, retrieves said weapon and forms a plan around it which she then enacts with very little hesitation.  She COULD have run out the door, but she decides not to. She’s gonna fucking DEAL with it.

I LOVE THIS about her.

In this instance, she uses her standby weapon - the poker at the fireplace.  She takes advantage of the element of surprise. The thing is,  the man turns out to be a revivified Glen, who also found the chainsaw equivalent - an electrified meat carver.  When he turned it on to lurch at Betty I was HOOTING because this was clearly Chekhov’s chainsaw being introduced.  Also, was Glen always so immensely muscular?  Hot damn. Death looks very good on him. 

Can we talk about though how perfect Betty’s kitchen is? A low vase of hydrangeas on the kitchen island, bowls of fruit hanging above the window, the ropes of garlic on the cabinet side. 

Back at Veronica’s Abuelita Lodge gets the MOST DELICIOUS moment.  She gets to make like Tony Montana, points a giant gun at Veronica, and have a SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND scene!  “I wanted this to be a surprise!!” she says, in her sweet grandmotherly voice, before blowing Veronica’s door off its hinges as Veronica scampers away like a hunted deer.  

Friends, I got HIGH from watching that elegant little lady wielding this enormous gun with grim determination and a joyful smirk on her face!  Can we have more scenes like this in everything, where the short old woman shoots the shit out of things? I WANT THIS.

Archie is being stabbed by Reggie, Betty is being attacked by an angry ex boyfriend and Veronica is being shot at by her grandmother and we cut to the perfect peace at Tabitha’s place.

In their beautifully appointed little apartment, Jughead has persuaded Tabitha to partake of his sandwich. (The cream cheese, tomato and lettuce on white bread. This bothers me a lot, the meagerness.)   Then Tabitha looks ill at ease before gifting yet another wonderful thing to Jughead Jones.  For once, he’s not the person saying the strange thing.

“My sense of the divine is tingling!” Tabitha cries, before running towards the problem. 

Betty beats the shit out of the giant zombie Glen by using all her wiles and upper body strength.  After Glen is incapacitated, Betty goes right to the garage to get the CHAINSAW.  The zombie breaks through the door but Betty just continues to rev up the engine.  She even says a fun quip - COME GET SOME - before charging at him with it.

OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH.

Meanwhile, Abuelita Lodge is doing a thing that Freud was too stupid and misogynist to theorize about.  When the daughter with an Elektra complex succeeds in defeating her father, what does the mother of that father think about the situation?  

“You’re gonna burn in hell for everything that you’ve done!” says Abuelita Lodge.  Veronica hides in her black bathtub.   I did not know that Veronica could slime things!   She’s paralyzed her grandmother somewhat, as she explains, climbing out.

Instead of moving OUT of the house, Archie has ended up somehow in his bedroom with the very resolutely homicidal Reggie.  The stabbing looks very painful.  The wrestling they do as Reggie keeps stabbing Archie looks very homoerotic.  Is it simply because he’s super fit that Reggie is so difficult for Archie to overpower?  They even collapse away from each other once Reggie is unconscious in an overtly homoereotic way.

At Thornhill, it is revealed that Jason has a sadistic side. He’s hunting down his sister, armed with bow and arrow, calling out “Marco” as she keeps hiding from him.  Even though the blocking shows Jason that shooting at Cheryl is shooting at himself (She’s hiding behind a big mirror) he refuses to desist.   Cheryl, drenched in tears, is forced to admit that she shouldn’t have brought him back to life.  Then she sets Jason on fire. 

Tabitha rushes in on Archie (he was the ‘soul’ that was dying) along with Bingo (where’s he been all this time?) as he lays dying on the floor of his bedroom, bleeding out. Bingo starts licking at Archie’s bloody wounds in a way that grossed me out.  It made me yell “GET THE DOG OFF HIM” at Tabitha before the cut.

Veronica’s toxin, while toxic, apparently also counteracts evil mind control, because her Abuelita is back to being a loving grandmother again. 

Polly comes to check in on Betty.  Betty has the bloody chainsaw laid out on the dining room table in front of her, along with a half emptied bottle of whisky.  She calls Glen ‘her old boss’ rather than ‘my ex boyfriend’ when explaining what she went through.   Calmly, she says “his body parts are twitching in the garage.”

Cheryl, bouncing back, apologizes to Heather, who forgives her, and then they remember they had something important to talk about with each other.

At the Andrews House, Archie’s abs are looking perfect and fabulous. He doesn’t even have any scarring.  Tabitha says that Bingo’s saliva ‘CLEARLY’ has healing properties.  I’m still grossed out by this.   Reggie is back to his senses, and apologizes, in the same flat tone (“I’m so sorry Bro”) as he used when he was calling Archie stupid. 

In comes Toni saying that she has a plan. Seated around the table, Toni says an exceptionally clunky “Serpent saying.”  Seriously.  Serpents really lacked wit.  

“Always kill a baby snake in its egg so it doesn’t grow up to bite you.”

This so shit.  I mean, Bob Marley quoted a saying that is a thousand times better than this (“Kill it before it grow” - from I Shot the Sheriff).

Reggie thinks it’s a terrible saying too. He gives Toni the most appalled look.  When Tabitha takes over to say, as though this is a natural sequence of thoughts, “The only threat to someone who is immortal is someone who is also immortal,”  Reggie gives HER a look of great skepticism.  I am so with Reggie in this moment. 

Then it gets worse and Toni loses me as a supporter forever.   She really is a Serpent in the FP / Tall Boy mould.  She’s willing to use child soldiers in the way that FP used the teenaged Joaquin to be a honey pot and assassin.  She talks about ‘missing out’ on her son’s childhood as a sacrifice that SHE has to make, without questioning the issues of what it would mean for Anthony to go through aging in the magic way.

“That’s some Looper level CRAP,” says Reggie.

Reggie Mantle, true MVP of this episode.

So. Tabitha ages up Anthony with his shitty parents’ permission. In the same way I feel no desire to see Alice, Tom Keller or Uncle Fucking Frank ever again, I cannot find it in myself to feel anything other than disapproval for what’s been done to Anthony.   The fact that the aged up Anthony looks older than Fangs - WHO TOUCHES HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME now that he doesn’t have to change his diaper or feed him - is just the icing on the shit cake. The fact that Anthony looks eager to “kick Percival’s ass” does not alleviate my discomfort.

At the Whyte Wyrm, Fangs is holding court. Kevin is there in a leather jacket that I want Cheryl to set fire to because wtf.   Serpents are going to invade the Ghoulies.

Jughead is in the news room at the school with Tabitha (who is having Pop’s take out because she was not nourished by Jughead’s fail sandwich). He talks about Serpents like HE WASN’T ONE OF THEM. AS THEIR LEADER.  (And I am going to say - I MISS SWEET PEA.  Fangs just is not cutting it for me as Serpent King. Just, the worst possible choice.)

As they wait to see if the Serpent invasion opens the path to a different conclusion, Jughead Jones tells Tabitha to not mourn him when he dies.  Jughead Jones says he’s lived a wonderful life, which boils down to:  1) He’s gotten to fall in love (I would specify - more than once, and in different types of love too, which is great)  and 2) he got to publish a book (i.e. realize a long held childhood dream) and 3) got to experience alternate universes (had special experiences).

I love Jughead Jones for the dignity of moments like this, where he just says the minimal thing that he really needs to say.  

This last utterance gives Tabitha a sudden idea.  All her We Lose scenarios happened in RiverDALE but now that they have access to RiverVALE they can try something different!

Meanwhile, Cheryl tells Archie that the calculations for the comet were wrong, giving their side a little more time.

The Serpent invasion of the new Ghoulie lair occurs. This is very unexciting but for the fact that Percival cruelly tells Twyla to her face that he considers her and all her found family to simply be cannon fodder, and for the fact that for the first time ever, Toni actually does vicious violence.  She lodges the blades of throwing stars right in Twyla’s skull.  

When confronted with the aged up Anthony, Percival apparates out of the room wholesale, buck naked.

Archie tells the assembled group that while the Serpents did manage to overpower the Ghoulies, they’re trapped in there because Percival sealed them in with magic and they haven’t found the heads yet.  Percival is on the loose, which is bad news, and Kevin has been shot, which oh yeah that happened, but I don’t care.

Just in time, Jughead and Tabitha arrive back from Rivervale with a plan.  The plan is to rebuild the Diner in its original location.  They used the magic time bubble to achieve this, and Reggie continues to be MVP (“Even in hyper speed moving blows.”).    Percival shows up on time to engage in hand to hand combat with Archie while the three women and Reggie, in matching black jackets, watch from inside the reconstructed diner.  Using breath holding magic the others join in at the last minute, which almost defeats Percival.  Except Percival summons magic fog that poisons Veronica, blinds Betty, freeze Cheryl and turns Reggie into a “lifesize dummy” (Jughead really does not like Reggie at all) and Archie into a ‘statue’ (I would say- a block head, because I dislike Archie lol).  

Jughead was inside the diner all this time, in his mind reader outfit, with the ghosts.   Percival swaggers in, to meet Jughead’s challenge.  Jughead offers to be lobotomized unless he can save Riverdale’s soul.  

Jughead goes into Percival’s mind but finds the door impenetrable.   Percival manages to unlock Jughead’s door, which looks different from before.  Percival begins ‘shredding’ Jughead’s memories. Kissing Tabitha.  Signing his name to the projection booth of the outdoor movie theater before his father demolished it on Hiram’s behalf. Talking to Archie at the football game when they made up after their fight. 

The plan was for the RiverDALE folks to take the major hit, and for the RiverVALE people to take over, once Jughead tricked Percival into walking through the portal he’d opened up into RiverVALE.  Percy’s body has been viciously stabbed while he was enjoying ripping up Jughead’s mind. I’m wondering how it is that the RiverVALE people aren’t all spattered with blood, because Percival is perforated all over. 

Jughead and Tabitha’s combined powers (I guess?) allow them to open a portal to a different time as well as place, depositing the now mortal Percival at the feet of the devil, who has a contract with no escape clauses.  

Percival says, ‘If I can’t have Riverdale, no one can!’ which earns an eye roll from Tabitha.

Tabitha, the angel, says to Cypher, the devil, to take Percival, the sorcerer, ‘the hell’ out of wherever they are (the Ye Olde Forests of Rivervale).   Nobody pays attention to Percival’s muttering in Latin as he’s taken to hell. 

Tabitha and Jughead make their way back to the Riverdale diner where everyone else meets them in the parking lot.  I just um, really like Jughead in the white tie.  “We did it, we beat him!” says Tabitha.  Jughead picks Tabitha up and spins her around while everyone celebrates while laughing and hugging.   I haven’t seen any of these very pretty people laughing or even smiling very much in recent episodes that it came as a surprise how very attractive they all are when they smile!  :D

The Gang go back to the casino, where Dr. Curdle Jr .looks so forlorn with his smudged eye makeup.  Kevin who got shot is being tended to by Moose (who looks wonderful with the beard), and Toni, looking inappropriately cheerful, brings out the boxes of heads (!!!) from the freezer.  Riverdale is the most unhinged show.   Curdle reattaches the heads to the corpses WHILE STILL  in his Ghoulies-issued jacket (but with a surgical cap on). I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. 

Cheryl brings everyone back to life, but after this extremely long day she’s had, she comes home to be told by Heather that something is very wrong about the comet.

Jughead asks Tabitha how come he didn’t die.  They both look shellshocked.  Tabitha speculates that since all her scenarios of the future involved only Riverdale and the prime universe, their involving RiverVALE into the mix changed things.  “I guess we’ll never know,” is how Jughead reconciles this.  He’s now going to have to figure out how to live, isn’t he?  He didn’t plan for this. He thought he was going to be kicked back up to heaven.

At the Cooper house Alice Cooper is cuddling her two daughters.  At Toni and Fang’s, Tom Keller is sitting on the sofa looking very somber. He died, went wherever (would he have gone to heaven??), came back to life, to find that his son had been shot and his grandchlid that isn’t his (?!?!) is now a full fledged adult from magic.  Moose and Fangs and Kevin are in the same space and Toni is sitting there going, What Am I Doing With My Life, I’m sure. 

Veronica is cleaning up her apartment with her doorman and her grandma.  Archie and Uncle Frank are sitting on the porch drinking beer and I really think, truly, all these scenarios are SHIT.

The only people who make me happy are Jabitha and Cheryl with Heather (Cheather? Heryl?)

Heather and Cheryl show up at Archie in outfits that have the same pink shades.  Heather is really growing on me.  Cheryl is so much more stable and calm with Heather around.  Cheryl orders him to rally the troops, and they all show up to the Andrews house. 

Cheryl says that the comet is headed straight FOR Riverdale, to crash into them, in 24 hours.  Tabitha figures out that the destruction was because of a comet.  She’s wearing very excellent pants, but everyone is duly concerned.   It’s going to be an EXTINCTION LEVEL EVENT.

I love this show so, so much.  If you’re going to do this alternate-universe-time-travel-magic mashup, then you HAVE TO have a comet that crashes into earth, right on top of YOUR town. 

[ask-guinevere-pendragon]

MORDRED My friends down here I return to you In the light I did what I went to do With my father’s power for peace I sue And in the sun there’s room for you

CHORUS Skin and bone, you alone Don’t hate what you now see Though starving fools cry Saxon ghouls In the darkness we run free

What care we for your light and sun In the dark we see, in the black we run We use a knife, they use a gun And each will kill the other one

CHORUS

MORDRED I beg you now this war to cease They seek the GRAIL in the depths beneath Air and water, shelter and feast We can share with you if there is peace

CHORUS

What care we for your wealth and GRAIL With a sharpened tooth and a jagged nail We’ve no use for your fairy tale Your childish quest is doomed to fail

CHORUS

We can live without this constant death is all they know I’ll defend you to my dying breath is cheap here below Please believe me there’s not much time left us but now you show I’ll show you peace, then we will try We’ll walk beneath the rusted sky

What the fuck is this. My head hurts too much to process this shit.

[enbeees]

You know Chat-GPT is SO fun (and let me tell you right now, getting it to write a silly story or script with existing characters is so fun bc it gets personalities SPOT ON) but it genuinely worries me that so many people seem to trust it implicitly to the point of even admitting to using it instead of Google or whatever (idk maybe its all tech bros but I see this uncomfortably often)

Like oh my God do NOT do that! Aside from problems with memory in long conversations or games, it WILL make up answers and create fake sources for them! Not to mention that the guidelines and censorship mean you may not get the full accurate answer in the first place.

Like I've tested it with Chat-GPT and You.com (which i believe uses the same technology) and as far as I could tell, they purposely skirt around "uncomfortable" topics if they were in an answer, or outright give incorrect information to avoid them.

Tests below readmore. They include spoilers for Fate/Zero!

Now there's a BUNCH of incorrect info in these, which is obvious if you've seen the show.

Chat-GPT:

- Risei did not provide Kirei with Gilgamesh

- While Gilgamesh and Kirei do have some differing views and Kirei doesn't particularly like him at first, they ultimately form a partnership because they're so similar

- Kirei's fate was definitely not left open-ended.

- The exact details of how their partnership was formed were shown in the anime. They were a major plot point, even! We saw basically every detail!

- Kirei did not manipulate Gilgamesh into working with him, Gilgamesh essentially manipulated Kirei into working with him.

- Do I even have to mention that yes, Kirei stole Gilgamesh from Tokiomi

- Kirei does not "encounter Gilgamesh during a battle," he's been working with Tokiomi and Gilgamesh seeks him out to hang with him because he finds him interesting, and Gilgamesh heavily suggests they form a partnership

- By the time Kirei has teamed up with Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh and Tokiomi are very much not still Master and Servant

You.com chat:

- Right off the bat it fucked up because apparently Kirei has now stolen Illya's servant at some point?? He is not and has never been Berserker's master

- Kirei isn't really known for his magecraft?? I mean I guess I can get this bit because he is exceptional at it but he doesn't focus on it and that's the whole reason he had to train alongside tokiomi before the war

- I'm not touching the "his goals are related to the origin of the grail itself" i mean,,, in a way, i guess??? But not really??

- Kirei and Gilgamesh do not have a complicated alliance fraught with tension and conflict,,, those two team up and just have the fuckin time of their lives for the rest of the show (also kirei is very much not gilgamesh's advisor)

- Again, they didn't form a partnership without Tokiomi's knowledge (well, in the beginning they started to), he was dead by the time Gil became Kirei's servant

- Do I even have to say anything about the fact that it claims Kirei never did anything to Tokiomi or acted against him in any way. Especially the "there is no direct conflict between them that results in harm being done to Tokiomi by Kirei." bruh

Like okay, we've cemented the fact that it gives inaccurate information quite often.

But I assume due to its own bias and guidelines in being wholesome and positive all the time, if you've watched the show, you'll realize there is a major, major plot point that it seems to continuously skirt around, leave out, or even lie about (looking at you you.com).

Kirei fucking killed Tokiomi!

I did manage to get chat-GPT to admit it with "what did kirei do to tokiomi" but you.com, as you can see, straight up lied when I asked that question.

So like idk maybe don't consider an ai trustworthy when it comes to accurate information, especially when said ai will skirt the truth and leave out important details to avoid talking about "dark" content, and especially when it is often just outright wrong?

[300iqprower]

Servants with Avenger like/avenger adjacent qualities are the shit.

Assassin Kama (summer Kama doesn't count)

Ashvathama

Marie Antoinette (listennnn, the fact that she's obsessed with love to the point of near insanity needs to be studied)

Caeneus

Amakusa

Like... we need more servants written like that I'm sawri.

I could write another essay [I mean i kind of still did but i meant a literal essay] but to get to the point the reason these servants are so investing is bc the Avenger is just conceptually the best class from a narrative standpoint.

What determines your status as a heroic spirit is your actions in life, and what those actions were determines your class. This applies to extra classes as well such as Shielder, Foreigner, Alter Ego, and Pretender. Avengers are the exception to this. To a lesser extent the Ruler as well, because they're opposite sides of the same coin. Rulers are people who have no wish for the grail because they live for tradition and an ideal of perfect balance. Whether they think the status quo is that ideal balance is irrelevant; Karl and Amakusa prove this. Astraea the impartial god, Qin Shi Huang the cyborg "one true human", Jeanne the inhumanly pure Saint, Even Sherlock who is so inhuman in his rationale that we have the traitor/beast theory, all of these are examples of how the Ruler is marked by an explicit lack of humanity that directly results from them lacking the most human quality there is: Desire. The ability to want something, to strive towards something, to truly care about something for reasons beyond cold logic, is something antithetical to the class itself. It's the entire reason Sieg's existence deconstructs Jeanne's role in Apocrypha.

The Avenger is opposite that - they are pure humanity, pure desire, and whether they desire love, suffering, wealth, chaos, or anything else, they desire it for the same selfish reason: Retribution. It's in the name, avenger. One who seeks vengeance for how they were wronged, as has been detailed before. To be an avenger requires no great deed, in fact the Requiem event states that by claiming King Louis XVII would be an avenger if he was ever summoned because of how he died before achieving anything. There's this gatekeeper mentality from StayNight-only types who claim Avenger is this specific role to be played and that only Angra Mainyu is a true avenger. Those people completely miss the entire point of the class, because they're using the rules the other classes have to judge the Avenger class. The entire point is that the Avenger is unique like that. Every other class is defined by pure action, but the Avenger is defined by pure emotion. To be hateful and angry is not enough to be an avenger, nor is it enough to feel wronged. We have berserkers for the former and to give an example of the latter Vlad being a berserker rather than Avenger or Pretender has merit, even factoring in cases like how Benkei would definitely be a pretender retroactively. No, the Avenger is a class for those who are defined by how the hatred they feel towards a world that wronged them irreparably. No deed need be commemorated, only the pain they felt. And the pain they felt is something that narratively speaking is what will most resonate with us - they are characters with an inherent reason for us to care about them simply because we can imagine the pain they are required to endure just to exist.

....So yeah. There's an explicit reason Avenger and Avenger-adjacent servants are typically the best ones. To quickly go through some of the ones you mentioned though,

It pleases me greatly everyone collectively agrees "Summer Kama doesn't count"

the Wheel Monk is an avenger i dont give a fuck what the game claims.

I'm adding Foxtail Suzuka to this list btw and I fucking hate FGO not letting her have that (or anything at all for that matter)

Marie huh....boy does my friend have a story you'll one day* be interested in. Especially if you also like the idea of PHH Ivan and Avenger Morgan. Though i suppose technically it's not a fate story-

And yes we do need more. of the 17 servants in my grail war fic at least 5 of them qualify as Avenger-adjacent and that's cause they're easily the most fun to write.