#I seriously need to stop screencapping all the good moments

[animebw]

w h e e z e

[ghoste-catte]

I was curious what advice would you give to someone new to writing fics? I've been wanting to get back into it but haven't seriously written something since high school. I hope this isn't an annoying question or anything!

Not an annoying question at all! I'm just a little worried that I won't have terribly good or useful advice. To be honest, I also sort of stopped writing in earnest right as I finished high school, and didn't pick it back up until my late 20s. It's certainly an adjustment! But I think the few things that really helped me get back into writing fic as a hobby and something I spend quite a bit of time on would be:

Write for yourself first, then find your other motivations. My original inspiration in getting back into fic writing was that there just were not that many fics I liked for my favorite pairing, and I wanted more of them, and I especially wanted more with the tropes and characterizations I wanted to see. I think at the very core of anything you need that internal spark that drives you. At the same time, for me at least, if I just relied on my own drive, I would not get much done; I need some external guardrails. So having people send prompts, or writing for particular events, or writing stuff for friends really helps me to get my ass in gear and finish stuff. That may not be the perfect motivator for you, and that's fine! You just gotta figure out what is.

Be open to inspiration. Anything and everything can be spun out into a story with the right tweaking. Obviously stuff like music is a classic inspiration source, but I've also pulled ideas from poetry, from memes, from Reddit threads, from YouTube videos, from rambling conversations on Discord and from real life to make fics out of. So many times, someone will post a silly Twitter screencap, and I'll think, There's a fic in this. And a lot of the time, there is! Research is a wonderful thing, but so is serendipity. If you're out there actively looking for ideas, eventually one that you like will stumble past you.

Find your community. I can genuinely say I never would have finished more than one fic if I didn't have fandom friends to talk to about even stupid headcanons, to bounce ideas off of, and to encourage me (and to encourage them in turn!). Discord has been a godsend, and some of my closest online friends are people I met in the GaaLee discord server. As I've gotten more comfortable as a writer, I've also joined general writing servers and Reddit communities and have found them immensely helpful on both a motivational level (bingos, sprints, owe-me challenges) and on a craft level (plot workshopping and writing ethics and live grammar help). It's a lot easier to think about fic ideas and hash through problem moments when I have a constant stream of fandom-related chatter coming from the little people who live in my phone! Ao3 is an amazing website, and it's great as, well, an archive, but it isn't social media by design. If you want conversation and human connection and cheerleading, you've gotta forge out and find it.

Make it a habit ... If you want to produce anything longer than a couple hundred words, you really have to set aside time for it. And writing is just like knitting or dirt biking or painting little model figurines: the more you do it, the more easily it comes. When I was first getting back into the proper swing of things, I committed myself to 30 minutes of writing per week. Just 30 minutes. I didn't even hit that goal every week, but there were tons of weeks I got on a roll and went over that amount, and by the end of the year I'd written over 200,000 words. I used to spend an hour laboriously tip-tapping out 200 words, but now I can easily blow through 1k in a 50 minute sprint. It's all about training that muscle.

... But don't make it a chore. With fanfic, you aren't doing this as a job, and you aren't ultimately doing it for anyone other than you. That means you can take breaks when you need them, you can set deadlines and then fail to meet them, you can write stuff and then decide to never post it. When you start getting burnt out, when the practice loses the joy and energy, stop. There's no 'hustle' here. In our capitalist society we're so trained to push past our limits and keep going even when it hurts us, but the hobby you do for connection and relaxation and whatever else shouldn't be like that.

Ignore metrics. Sometimes stuff isn't gonna get hits, or kudos, or comments. There are some basic 'rules' as to the stuff that does and doesn't get traction, but every time you post something it's a roll of the dice. If you're focused on watching that kudos counter tick up, you will get bummed out fast. And any writer will tell you that the stuff you think is your best work will never be the stuff that gets the most accolades. So you have to find something else to give you a sense of success. For me, it's watching my wordcount go up in my stats and those occasional comments where someone has a lot to say and that one person who always leaves me a <3 emoji (and, shout out to @egregiousderp, having someone to have long one-on-one conversations with about the stuff that never made it to page).

Don't strive for perfection. It's really easy to want your first ever fic to be a complete showstopper, the best fic fandom has ever seen, hitting all the tropes and the ideas and the characterization that you just know fandom is missing and would be everyone's top favorite if only it was written. This is a trap. No one fic can be all things. Most people who want to write an epic as their very first venture will not see the end of that epic, because they haven't put in the practice hours to make something on that scale work. That's not to say you can't start out with a big, sprawling multichap, just don't expect it to be the greatest thing since sliced bread if you're just starting out, and be okay with abandoning it for greener pastures if you get to that point. Think of the first time someone makes a vase out of clay or bakes a loaf of bread. That's never their best vase or their best bread. If they keep up with it, they'll make more and better vases and loaves. Likewise, your first fic is probably not gonna be your best fic. See it for what it is: your launchpad.

You can't edit an empty page, but you can over-edit a full one. This kind of spins off of #7, but if the words aren't there, you can't fix them. Daydreams and headcanons are fantastic (and god, how many times have I wished for a speech-to-text engine that projected my falling asleep thoughts onto a Google doc for later perusal), but they aren't fic. If you want to write fic, you've gotta get comfortable with the idea of sloppy outlines and rough first drafts. You can't build a house without a frame and you can't build a man without a skeleton (I mean, you can, I guess, but he'd be one floppy man). The nice thing about fic is that it doesn't matter if that frame is structurally unsound or the skeleton has 18 too many bones, you can clean that up in the editing process. But you can't start hanging curtains and arranging furniture in something that doesn't even have walls. That's the process. But! Also know when to set down the editor's pen and say, "Okay, this is good enough for government work", and call it done. ("Done" doesn't have to mean "posted", but it does mean, "I'm done picking at this for now, and I'm gonna go write some more stuff".) Over-editing can make stuff seem laborious and forced, and it prevents you from actually improving. To continue belaboring the house metaphor, you can spend your whole life rearranging furniture in just one room, but the end result of that is a pretty narrow existence and a room with a lot of footprints and tracks in the carpet.

Write shit down. When you have ideas, jot them down--in a notebook, in a Google Doc, in the Notes app of your phone, in pen on the back of your hand. You think you will remember that brilliant line of dialogue or sparkling snippet of narration or genius plot that came to you in a dream, but you Will Not. Write it down. Write it down. Write it down! There have been so many times when a fic was completely saved by past!me having written down my shower thoughts about what happens next in the fic, that present!me had completely forgotten about and was floundering over.

Have fun with it! Try different stuff. Try stupid stuff. Try experimental stuff. Do stuff you've never done before that you aren't sure will work. It's important to get comfortable with your niche (for example, I know I'm never going to be the sort of person who writes intricate plots of intrigue or super long 100k epics or detailed battles), but you can't find that niche unless you explore lots of different niches! Figure out what you love and what you absolutely hate, and then keep doing the stuff you love.

Okay, so that was actually TEN things, but ... I hope you still found this helpful. Feel free to send another ask if any of this was confusing or unclear. Good luck with your fic writing and, if you want, send me a link to what you've written once you've written it! I'd love to read it.

[spockandawe]

So this morning, I tripped across this excellent post about Xue Yang and classism, and it shook something loose in my head. Specifically, it got me thinking about the idea of Xue Yang taking revenge for ‘only’ losing a finger. Xiao Xingchen doesn’t say anything as directly dismissive as saying he only lost a finger, but I do think that is at least partially the way that Xue Yang takes the argument.

And I’ve thought a lot and said a lot of words about the way Xue Yang feels hurt and betrayed and frustrated as he tries to explain himself to someone, for once, and that person completely misses his point. And I’ve said words about how in the three years in Yi City, Xue Yang gets hooked on the quiet comfort of domesticity, even if he and Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing are still, objectively, poor. But I’d never thought about this particular angle of their last argument before now.

This is going to be long, I can tell, so let’s throw a spoiler cut in here

Now, I do think it’s important that Xiao Xingchen doesn’t say directly that it was only a finger. I think it would have been cruel of him to say that. But I also think that his upbringing and position in the world make him a bit… oblivious to the implications of Xue Yang’s story, and what he’s trying to communicate, and that leads to him saying some things that are more insensitive than he would have chosen to if he’d realized.

From a very early point, he knew that Xue Yang grew up without parents or money.

Unhurried, Xue Yang began, “Once upon a time, there was a child.”

“The child really liked eating sweet things. But because he had no parents or money, he could rarely eat them.”

And he was told how that child was exploited, and how hard he was beat up and used even before things reached the point where he lost a finger

[The huge, brawny man] took over the paper and looked at it, and he gave the child a slap so hard that his nose started bleeding. The man pulled the child’s hair and asked, ‘Who told you to take such a thing over?’”

[…]

“[seven-year-old Xue Yang] felt scared and pointed the direction. The man went to the liquor shop, carrying the child by pulling his hair.”

[…]

“The store was in a mess and the waiter was feeling quite cross. He slapped the child a few times, so hard that his ears were even buzzing, and chased him out the door. He crawled up and walked for a while.”

[…]

What do you think happened? Just a few more slaps and a few more kicks.”

(It’s interesting to me that he dodges even mentioning his hand being run over in this version of the story, but later goes into a lot of detail about his hand later with Xiao Xingchen, even though Xiao Xingchen has completely turned against him)

And, something that I hadn’t really noticed until I went to collect these quotes, is how Xiao Xingchen reacts to this story.

After Xiao XingChen tucked her, he walked a few steps, then asked, “What happened afterward?”

Xue Yang, “Guess. There was no afterward. You didn’t continue telling your story either, did you?”

Xiao XingChen, “No matter what happened afterward, since right now your life is fairly adequate, there’s no need for you to dwell too much on the past.”

That’s… a very high-minded approach to take, where I can see the good intentions, but I’m also kind of wincing at the accidental implications.

And then, to mix it up, let’s have some screencaps for the second half of the story, because these actors seriously knocked this scene out of the park

“The wheels of the cart milled over the child’s hand, one finger at a time. He was seven!”

And then another book quote, because it’s fascinating to me how directly he begs Xiao Xingchen to empathize with the child who was used so poorly and lost a finger in the process.

“Is it that, since the fingers weren’t yours, you guys were incapable of feeling the pain?! You guys didn’t know how horrifying screams sounded like out of your own mouths? Why didn’t you ask him why he decided to amuse himself with me without a single reason?!”

Only, right after he does this, Xiao Xingchen talks about how disproportionate Xue Yang’s revenge was. This really kills me, honestly, because this is the point where Xue Yang stops trying to appeal to him and explain himself, and takes a sharp turn towards losing control over his emotions instead.

Xiao XingChen spoke as though he couldn’t believe Xue Yang’s words, “Chang Ci’An broke one of your fingers in the past. If you sought revenge, you could’ve simply broken one of his fingers as well. If you really took the matter to heart, you could’ve broken two, or even all ten! Even if you had cut off an entire arm of his, things wouldn’t have been like this. Why did you have to kill his entire clan? Don’t tell me that a single finger of yours was equal to more than fifty human lives!”

I always just accepted that this was enough to hurt Xue Yang that much. But also… Xiao Xingchen knows that Xue Yang was a poor, parentless child, and he’s heard about how this child was callously exploited and mistreated by three separate adults. And there’s a couple class-related details in here that I want to touch on.

One, Xue Yang was again, a poor, parentless child, and I imagine he was living on the streets in a situation like that. Chang Ci’an broke (amputated) one of his fingers. And ran over the whole rest of his hand, which I have to imagine did other significant damage. Okay, so he wrecked this seven-year-old child’s hand. Now…. how much did this child have? What did he have besides his body? Did he even have a home to retreat to and recover? Because I have to imagine he didn’t. He didn’t have money for medical treatment, it’s not even clear if he knew anyone he could go to for basic medical help. Let’s not even talk about setting the bones in a shattered hand, did he even have access to anything to prevent infection? If he had any means of making a living (at age, again, seven), it would almost have had to be either begging or stealing. Having one ruined hand would have done awful things to this parentless child’s ability to survive. He made it through, clearly, but god. 

And Xiao Xingchen isn’t approaching this from a position like most of our main characters, who grew up wealthy and privileged. He’s not approaching this in a way like how Jiang Cheng scolded Wei Wuxian for breaking his arm, because he had to get it all plastered up and spend weeks recovering, and that was super inconvenient. Xiao Xingchen was never wealthy, and he grew up as a feral mountain child with Baoshan Sanren. But that means that he wasn’t subject to the same social forces as a city child like Xue Yang. Even if he was injured as a child, even if he was badly injured, it wasn’t probably an act of cruelty or callousness on the part of an adult. And if he was injured, he might not have had access to formally trained doctors, but he had a teacher who was highly trained spiritually, and who would at least care for him.

In a way, I think that makes it all hurt… more for Xue Yang. Because Xiao Xingchen isn’t gentry, he never was affiliated with the great cultivation sects, and he and Xue Yang and A-Qing have been living together in a city in fairly poor circumstances for three years now. But Xiao Xingchen is an adult, and one who’s used to making his own way in the world. He has no personal understanding of what it’s like to be a powerless child in similar circumstances, without anyone. And in this moment, he’s not able to understand how awful and how serious this was for a child like Xue Yang to experience.

Like, compare and contrast. When the Wens are starting to move against Lotus Pier, there’s half a moment where Wei Wuxian makes his peace with losing a hand. He’s like ‘yeah, that sucks, but i’ll deal. i’ll just learn to fight with my other hand, whatever!’ But just imagine how serious that would have been before Jiang Fengmian found him. Without money, without a home, without anyone to care for you, without access to any real medical care, how dire an injury would that have been? Xue Yang might not have lost his hand altogether, but the cart ran over his whole hand, and hands are just full o’ bones. The consequences of that injury were significant. 

And Xiao Xingchen’s initial reaction is ‘okay, so this wealthy cultivator broke your finger. why didn’t you just break his finger?’ and then he manages to escalate his way up to ‘idk, you could have even cut off his arm???’

In retrospect, it’s completely unsurprising to me that this is the moment where Xue Yang totally shuts down and starts asking why Xiao Xingchen even got involved, if he wasn’t capable of understanding.

“You shouldn’t have meddled in other people’s business. Right or wrong, kindness or hatred are not clearly distinguished, so how could an outsider possibly understand?”

“Your martial mentor, Baoshan Sanren, was indeed insightful. Why didn’t you listen to her and obediently cultivate in the mountain? If you couldn’t understand the human affairs and this world, then you shouldn’t have come!”

It makes me wonder what would have happened, if Xue Yang had leaned harder into what kind of suffering and hardship an injury like that meant for a street child, but considering how reluctant he was to share in the first place, I’m not exactly surprised he didn’t go there.

Incidentally, it’s interesting to me that when Xiao Xingchen calls Xue Yang ‘disgusting’, that’s when Xue Yang pivots into really trying to hurt him. I think it would hurt, coming from Xiao Xingchen, no matter what, but I have to wonder if he takes it extra hard in light of the way he’s just been trying to explain his history as a mistreated street child.

I’d been idly wondering if I was reading too far into this dynamic (not that that was going to stop me, but still, wondering :P), but this last addition to the conversation really caught my attention

“The people I hate the most are ones like you who say they’re righteous, who think they’re virtuous. Stupid, naive, dumb idiots like you who think the world’s better just because you did something good!”

And then I was like no, I’ve been right this whole time, haha :V

Xue Yang’s anger and hurt sense on a purely personal level, especially with the extra pain of trying to explain himself, for once, and Xiao Xingchen missing the point. But the extra frustration on behalf of his younger self makes so much additional sense. 

Xue Yang likes Xiao Xingchen, he likes living with Xiao Xingchen, or he wouldn’t still be there three years after a chance encounter. It would be a whole other meta to source this claim, but it very much feels like there are things he admires about Xiao Xingchen, even if it’s kind of a condescending, indulgent fondness for his foolish, naive innocence instead of a straightforward admiration. Until it tips over here, and becomes personal. 

And I think there were a lot of ways where he was prepared to disagree with Xiao Xingchen on a deep, fundamental level. They have very different values. But I don’t think he was prepared for Xiao Xingchen to be so oblivious to the class-based aspect of Xue Yang’s history. I don’t think Xiao Xingchen intended to be cruel, and I also think he had other significant things on his mind, but the seriousness of this incident doesn’t seem to occur to him. For someone with money, for someone with a skilled martial family, for even someone with a family, period, this would have been a traumatic experience, but one that could be dealt with. But then Xiao Xingchen equates the finger of this wealthy, purposefully cruel cultivator to the finger of a poor, parentless street child, and Xue Yang begins to lose control.

I already didn’t blame him for how upset he gets in this conversation, but now, even more than before, I find his reaction incredibly understandable. I mean, yes, their whole relationship is built on a foundation of sand, but he thought that he and Xiao Xingchen… supported each other, at least. They mattered to each other. And when Xiao Xingchen rejects him in the present, well, sure, that was going to happen if anyone was stupid enough to tell Xiao Xingchen the truth, that was understandable. But when Xiao Xingchen casually brushes aside the suffering of little innocent seven-year-old Xue Yang, that hurts Xue Yang more than he could have ever anticipated. 

[middle-class-trash]

Rise of the Titans liveblog!!!

that intro made me unexpectedly emotional

So if Blinky is narrating, he can't die, right? Right????

BRO THE SUBWAY SCENE!!!! We're getting right fuckin into it!!!

Steve, my son!!!

I wish Toby wasn't a constant punchline 🙃 it just makes me not take his character seriously

CLAIRE!!!!!!

Something about Douxie decking Skrael at the first opportunity is just so sexy of him

Jim is incredibly brave but it's really reckless to go hand-to-hand with a demigod without proper armor

My heart goes BUMBUMBUMBUM when Douxie looks out the traincar window

Sexy traincar tracks spell WHO

THE WRECKAGE AWWWW

Oh my gosh the people stuck in the magic circle because they wouldnt get out of the way

NO NO NO DOUXIE NO

So they were arrested that early?? Jeez

Nari's such a cutie

"None of us will be talking to you" *cut to Toby spilling every bean*

TOBY'S FACE AT THE END HAHHAHAHA

Something about Nari's voice coming out of Douxie's body is so deeply odd

Oh hey, Krel to the rescue

AREA 49 HAKSHDKSKD

"And your mom."

Oh my gosh he's still broken from Wizards 😂

The Guardians are just dead set on pissing off local authorities huh

JIM!!!

STRICKLER?????

BARBARAAAAA

Stricklake supremacy 😌 they both look so good

Claire listening in 😭😭😭 she's so cute

AWWWWW ENGAGED ENGAGED ENGAGED

......does that give them death flags? Fuck. Fuuuuck fuck fuck fuck. It totally does.

AWWW DOUXIE!NARI HUGGING ARCHIE

Aja!!!!

Your majesty!!

Oh yikes, here's that running gag everyone was talking about.. pregnant Steve

Oh hey, Eli's hot now. We been knew 😂

"Mazel tov!" HAHA

Poor Jim needing a bunch of support to walk 🥺 he's such a trooper

I will simply pass away if Blinky dies

I hope Douxie is okay, we haven't seen him in Nari's body and that makes me ✨nervous✨

OH JKJK

Nari is so goddamn pretty

"Only your presence, not your commitment" is such a rapey saying

"Abra-cadabra, buttsnacks" I love that he still says that 🥺🥺 he loves his friends so much

"Do your worst" *cue both Douxie and Nari absolutely screaming in pain*

Krohnisfere? Alrighty then, that's the first mission

"I wouldn't be so sure of that" AWWW

They fixed the amulet???? DUUUUDE

"For the good of all..." 😭😭😭😭

"Or I could lock onto Nari and portal us there" *dead fucking silence*

I hate how Toby's used as a constant punchline.. a penny? Really?

TRAINTRACK MAGIC CIRCLE GO BRRRR

Poor Nari 🥺 Douxie's in so much distress

Oh no, the new amulet isn't working?? Fuckk

That absolutely gorgeous screencap of pissed Aja

Part of me is glad Nari was forced to do this and wasn't actually a traitor

Ice titan awakening sequence? Ice titan awakening sequence.

Oh Nari. Oh sweetie

Oh my gosh she's fucking tied to her titan

Boiling water!!! Or underwater explosion, that works too. Much more dramatic but that's Bellroc's style

Oh wow Steve actually has a bump?? What the fuck???

Oooh, TrollDragons?

Charlie!!!

"We still don't have a trollhunter" Aja, honey, not helpful

"Does he even trust himself? AJA, HONEY, NOT HELPFUL

Barbara being proud of her son 😭😭

OOH fusing excalibur with the armor?

Aja is so full of confidence, it's a good look for her

Steve being preggo is..really fucking weird. When they said

AWWW BLINKY AND AARRRGHHH

Your honor, I love them

OOH IS IT SOFT JLAIRE TIME

Ohhhh it's soft Jlaire time

He's always looking out for his mom 🥺

"I will always be here (head), and here (heart)" just fuck me up fam

Charlie!!!

Zong-Shi?

"Only death will come to those who go looking for it" oh dear

"The troll with many eyes" how does Charlie know Blinky? 😂

AYYY this where the banner that I found first is from!!! it was so cool seeing my screenshot circulate when we were starved for content 😂😂 everyone was posting various rott icons and banners that they got hoping they'd find a new one

Oh dear.. government

Blinky dear they can't understand you

"Holy frijole" Claire I simply adore you

WOW THAT'S PRETTYYYYY

Troll slaves???

So is Zong-Shi this ugly ass pear-lookin ass

Aja chilling with Jim even though she has doubts is an interesting strategic choice

Douxie, AARRRGHHH, and Nomura? Talk about rarepare

NOMURA CATCHING HIM 😭😭 SEXYYYY

DOUXIE RESCUING NOMURA 😭😭😭😭 SEXXYYYYY

If I havent said it yet, the animation is breathtaking

OH SHIT JIM

aaaaand here come those frozen wings

Nari cant be in control of herself, there's no way. She's still tied to the titan for Pete's sake

NOMURA????

Please dont let this be a sacrifice

PLEASE NO

BOTH CHANGELINGS????

STRICKLANDER??????

No on-screen death, so it's not real. No on-screen death, do it"# notbsmejelreal

NO ON-SCREEN DEATH BUT IT'S NOT REAL

THEYRE TALKING AHOUT HIM PAST-TENSE NOOOO

THEY RBOGUHT UP HIS DADDDDDD

"There's no revelation I can give you" is a great way of saying he's not relevant, genuinely

Oh wow this guy's freaky

Ohhhh so the green thing from the trailers and promo photos is the Krohnisfere

Archie to the rescue!!!

"That's my boy!" AWWE

"Claire nooo, no no no no YESSS, I'm free!!!" Blinky, never change 😂

Oh wow, they're already in contact with Bellroc's titan??

Different note, but the titan's designs are just different enough to make them interestun

VARVATOS??? Okay jk somehow it's gun robot lmfao

WAIT NEVER MIND HAHAHAH HI BUD

....if the bridge falls, can't Charlie just fly them across

LMAO he just saw his death?? That is what he wanted to see 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's too early to celebrate, there's no way Bellroc is down after just a few pinches

Yeahhh

Oh dear... is Varvatos in danger?

Claire being the warrior of the group is incredible and sexy and hhnnngggg

Toby is a Hufflepuff. I will not be answering questions

OH WOW THAT'S HOW HE BURNED HIS HAND??? THE HONRGAZEL?????

ARCHIE SAID GOODBYE??? NO NO NO NO NO

Douxie's gonna be a flat mess!!!

God, plus Nomura and Stricklander

NOOOO DOUXIE YOU BIG SWEETIE

Oh my gosh this is the scene with Douxie trying to connect with Nari, it has to be

"I need to try again" AWWW HONEY

That shot of Mexico was incredibly stereotypical

DOUXIE SWEETHEART 🥺🥺

He's trying to hold her hand???? AWWWW

Oh my gosh he's being choked 😳

NARI BABY!!!!

The huggos 🥺🥺

Jim being frustrated is totally realistic

Wait wait wait waittt do they have the entire titan at their disposal?

"There's absolutely nothing all the way out here" cue a titan. Any of them.

And there it is.

CLAIRE SUPREMACY!!!!!!!

White haired Claire? White haired Claire???

Oh dear it's like.. a little over halfway and there's so much left that could happen

COACH. COOOOACH

OH THANK GOD!!! Steve doesn't need another paternal figure dying on him

Time for Skrael to fuck shit up 😬

I find it interesting how Bellroc and Skrael's titans are both bipedal but Nari's is on four legs, much more animalistic

NARI, NOOOOO PLEASE NO

At least Skrael's done????

We kinds knew Bellroc was the final boss but NOT LIKE THIS

DOUXIE SCREAMING FOR HER

NOOOOOOO

No more running. GODDAMNIT

The three can no longer unite but Bellroc can still fcuk shit up

A HIDDEN PAGE??? FUCK THE WORLD IS TO BE REFORGED WITH FIRE

THE HEARTSTONE??????

Oh shit, the explanation for why Arcadia's the center of everything!!

The only heartstone?? Really???? That's scary as shit, trolls could go instinct without a reliable hearthstone!!

EXCALIBUR TIMEEE

JIMMMMMM

Come on honey, you can do it!!

Aja, honey, I love you so much but now's not the time

THE HEARTSTONE???? FUCK DUDE

.......Steve

Eli the midwife?? ...gross

Jim, my love, my baby boy!!!

The nine of them!!!

AWW BLINKY BEING THE BEST DAD

THEY WORK TOGETHER 😭😭😭😭

FUCK YEAH!!!!!!

"Quiet desperation" is a great word for it

Are we coming on to the big final battle?

Ohnoohnoohno they all said the thing 😭😭😭 someone's gonna die. At least one more is gonna die.

HE'S DRIVINGGGG. LOVE THAT FOR HIM

STICKY SPELL TIME!!!!!!

"Some sort of stickum!" Bro 😂😂

I love how he calls them all Trollhunters 😭 throwback to the OG show where the three of them were all called that

Aja Terron supremacy

Oh it's weird.. it's very weird. Why did Steve have to be pregnant again

Oh dear, there's half an hour left.. this has to be the final battle

JIM

Varvatos shielding Claire and Krel 🥺

Fuck, man, people are getting thrown left and right

DOUXIE MY LOVE

Oh here we fucking go, rematch

NEW AMULET???

Jim's about to get royally fucked up

LIKE THAT

FUCK

WHY IS SHE TAKING HIM??? GOD NO

Anti-magic beacon??

Helloooo that's smart asf

This gives Mount Doom vibes

"Embrace your loved ones for the final time" FUCK MAN STOP IT

"I already was" DAMN RIGHT BUD

NEW AMULETTTT

GO GET JIM GO GET 'IM

DAYLIGHT ARMOR!!!!!!

He was ready to just sacrifice himself like THAT

DAYLIGHT ARMORRRRR WITH EXCALIBUR??????? FUUUUCK

Jim being great at combat is just the best fucking thing

Oh fuck. OH FUCK.

STABBED??????

PLEASE NO, GOD NO

FUUUUCK

"I'm powerless" "You get used to it" WE DONT HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT

JIM HONEY PLEASE DONT DIE

Is that....is that it?? Oh dear god, is that it????

JIM WHERE ARE YOU

I'm calling it now it's too early to be celebrating

Oh god the weird babies

WHERE IS TOBY

WHERE

NO

MY JAW FUCKING DROPPED

NO WAY, NO FUCKING WAY

HE'S GETTING A DYING MONOLOGUE??????

ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, ALWAYS WILL BE

"Itll be the two of us at the end" WHY DOES THAG SEEM LIKE JIM WILL GO OUT TIO

THERE'S NO WAY TOBY JUST DIED

THHERE'S NO WAY

That was sad as fuck but in a narrative way I hope it's permanent

Oh dear, Jim's going back????

Oh shit

WWHAT IS HE DOING

NOOOOO

"I have cherished every moment with you" STOP IT HE'S HIS FATHER

"I FYOU WERE MY OWN SON" STOPPPPPP

WHAT'S HAPONEINGGGGG

CLAIRE

NOOOO

THIS IS WHERE IM SOBBING

THIS IS WHERE IM LOSUNG IT

"Dont give up on me" FUCK STOPPPP

"I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE AND HERE" FUCK IT STOPPPPP

"I would date you for a hundred lifetimes" IS REALLY BEING TESTED HUH

THERE ARE 10 MINUTES ELFT WHAT THEBFUCK

AND WE'RE BACK TO TROLLHUNTERS?.????

HUHHHH

Fuck, man. FUCK, MAN.

Oh, Toby. Ohhhh Toby

CLAIRE 🥺

ROMEO AND JULIET!!!!

Oh my fucking god

"IF YOUD COME OVER TO DINNER" AYYYYY

His smile at Steve 🥺

HE'S HAVING TOBY TAKE THE CANAL???? But wouldnt the amulet still call for Jim?????

"Nothing interesting ever happens in Arcadia" VERY FUCKING FUNNY

Destiny is a gift. Some go their entire lives living in an existence of quiet desperation, never learning the truth- that what feels as though a burden pushing down upon our shoulders is actually the sense of purpose that lifts us to greater heights. Never forget that fear is but the precursor to valor. That to strive and triumph in the face of fear is what it means to be a hero. Don't think. Become.

.......it actually called his name. I can't believe it actually called his name.

The fuck is that ending??? Let Jim REST

[missfangirll]

Snapped

@fan-man-huaisang, my hand slipped. ^^

Okay, I apologise in advance, this thing wanted to be written, I don’t take any responsibility for it. It is pure crack, neither proofread nor have I thought about this abomination longer than necessary. And it’s past midnight here, so, yeah...

Seriously, I’m sorry xD

Inspired by a screencap of Bai Yu in an apron and the discussion that followed. ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Shen Wei sighed as he took the last steps to the apartment he shared with Zhao Yunlan and opened the door. It had been a long tedious day at the university, with long tedious staff meetings and he was happy to finally be home. He would make a nice dinner, he thought, maybe Zhao Yunlan’s favourite….. He stopped, halfway into the apartment, listening carefully. There was noise coming from the kitchen, as if someone was… Shen Wei dropped his suitcase unceremoniously into a corner and made a beeline for the kitchen.

“Yunlan,” he smiled at his other half. “What are y-”

The rest of the question didn’t make it past Shen Wei’s lips. He stood in awe and gaped at his boyfriend who rummaged through the kitchen. Zhao Yunlan wore a turtleneck which Shen Wei recognised as his, and over it Shen Wei’s favourite apron. His hair was styled and lay neatly to a side, and he had shaved, Shen Wei noticed.

Shen Wei still hadn’t found words to contribute, as Zhao Yunlan turned to him and smiled. Though, Shen Wei thought, slightly alarmed, his smile looked a bit crooked.

“Good afternoon, darling. Would you be so kind to take off your shoes and put them away, I just cleaned the floor.”, Zhao Yunlan – Zhao Yunlan??? – said to Shen Wei who was still watching him with increasing unease.

Without another word, Zhao Yunlan resumed his work, leaving Shen Wei at a loss for words and wondering. He still didn’t move and after what felt like an eternity, Zhao Yunlan looked up again. He smiled another crooked smile and winked at Shen Wei. Or rather, he tried to wink, closing both eyes separately.

Shen Wei jumped into action. He didn’t know what was going on here – curse? head wound?? poison??? – but he would find out and fix this. In a whirl of dark energy, he changed into his robes, sent some tendrils into Zhao Yunlan’s direction to immobilise and silence him and opened a portal straight to the SID.

*

Four pairs of eyes were directed at them as they stepped out of the portal, or rather Shen Wei stepped, Zhao Yunlan floated to the nearest sofa, where Shen Wei’s dark energy carefully deposited him.

Da Qing was the first to find his voice: “Ah, Hei Pao Shi, what are you-”

Shen Wei, who had seldom in his life felt the need to interrupt someone did exactly this: “I don’t know. He was like this when I returned home! We need to fix him!”

“Fix him? What’s there to fix?” Lao Chu sounded skeptical.

“What is wrong with him?”, Zhu Hong asked, sounding almost symphathetic.

“Everything is wrong!” Shen Wei wasn’t sure how they couldn’t see it for how obvious it was.

“He is wrong, somehow. He was cooking when I returned home!”

“Cooking.” Shen Wei could hear Lao Chu’s raised eyebrow.

“YES, cooking. And cleaning and look what he’s wearing. That is not normal!”

“Ah, Shen W-”, Da Qing tried.

“Not. Normal. He is wearing an apron. MY apron.” Shen Wei was getting more anxious by the minute. How couldn’t they see that there was something wrong?

He pointed at Zhao Yunlan who still lay awkwardly on the sofa, glaring daggers at him and trying to communicate by squirming.

“Shen Wei, listen..” Da Qing sounded as if he tried not to laugh, which wasn’t very helpful, Shen Wei thought angrily.

“Hei Pao Shi, can you please remove the gag from him. Maybe that would help…..?” Zhu Hong trailed off, but her eyes were fixed on Shen Wei, who sighed and waved a hand.

Which, in hindsight, might have been not a very splendid idea, since Zhao Yunlan exploded as soon as he could: “Holy fuck, Shen Wei, are you stupid?? I love you, but seriously?? What is WRONG with you?!?”

Shen Wei blinked, feeling indignant. “What is wrong with me? You are behaving strangely!”

Zhao Yunlan took a deep breath, as if to calm himself and leveled a calculating gaze on Shen Wei.

“Darling.”, he began. “Baby. What date is today?”

Shen Wei needed a moment to find the correct number. It rang vaguely important in his mind, but he pushed the thought aside.

“Yes, that is correct.” Zhao Yunlan still sounded dangerously calm, Shen Wei noted. “Do you remember why that date could be important, baobei?”

Shen Wei inhaled sharply. Friday. The anniversary. Today.

All he could do was stare at Zhao Yunlan as realisation dawned on him.

Zhao Yunlan still spoke sweetly, but now Shen Wei shivered a bit.

“I know that Friday is the day you have staff meetings, that is why I figured I would clean a bit and cook for you. You know, since it is our anniversary…”

Shen Wei tried not to die on the spot.

“But,” he began meekly, “the turtleneck…”

“Is what I have been wearing the whole day because of the appointment I had with Minister Guo, which I’m sure you didn’t forget, right, darling?”

“And. And,” he took a fortifying breath, “the blinking?”, he asked, so softly he hoped only Zhao Yunlan would hear.

“I HAD CHILI SAUCE IN MY EYE, YOU DENSE IDIOT!”

Shen Wei shrank back a few steps. Wordlessly, he opened a portal back home and sent some energy tendrils to free Zhao Yunlan on the way.

Maybe, he thought, in another ten thousand years, maybe he could visit the SID again.

[ilvero-love]

1.13 Summer Solstice: Thoughts on MFMM 1.13 King Memses Curse

The evolution of Jack and Phryne across Season 1

The heart of this episode is about Phryne and the resolution of her backstory and that is as it should be. Yet, when considering this episode, I cannot do it without looking at the evolution of the relationship between Phryne and the Inspector that has occurred over the previous 13 episodes.

In many ways, the relationship we have watched evolve, continues as per usual in this episode. Jack attempting to lay down the rules and Phryne defying them. The difference in their characters is beautifully revealed through Jack’s determination to get a handle on the Foyle case. He is calm and methodical as he revisits all prior evidence in a logical order on his butcher’s paper wall. Meanwhile, Phryne, understandably, is running on instinct and emotion.

The scene where Jack attempts to control Phryne by arresting her is a delightful revelation. Stunned that Jack would attempt to curtail her in this way, she kicks him leading to the charge of assaulting a police officer being added to withholding evidence as he locks her away for her own safety.

I love that our spirited heroine kicks Jack just as much as I love Hugh apologising “I’m sorry Miss, I’m sorry Miss” as he carries her to the cells.

Phryne’s distress as she realises she is trapped in a cell while two people she loves (Jack and Jane) are in danger is hard to watch. It is lightened by Hugh ‘assisting’ Dottie to break Phryne out. 

Having given herself to Foyle in an attempt to save Jack and Jane, it is actually Jack and Jane who come to her rescue. 

And who didn’t swoon as Jack carried our unconscious heroine from the building? 

But it is the closing scenes that are the most compelling when considering Jack and Phryne’s relationship. The scene at the graveside is one of the most intense of the series and it is fitting that Jack stands by Phryne’s side.

There is a gorgeous moment, almost lost within the scene, that subtly consolidates Jack’s importance to Phryne. As she sits by the graveside crying, it is Jack she reaches for. 

At a time of deep despair, she reaches for the man who has stood beside her as she sought to solve the mystery of her sister. It was this simple, understated act that confirmed for me that this pairing was at the heart of the series. 

Whilst Kerry Greenwood may not have wanted her literary character Phryne to be tied down to any man, thankfully our writers/producers saw an opportunity to develop one of the great love stories.  This simple clasping of hands brings together two characters that, whilst on the surface appear disparate, when one looks at them as the sum of parts across the 13 episodes, it is undeniable that they are the yin to each other’s yang. But I’ll come back to that point soon.

The final scenes at Phryne’s party only serve to reinforce the pairing. There has been a decided shift in their relationship. What Jack and Phryne have shared has forged a bond that goes beyond physical attraction. There is no teasing, just a deep connection. Importantly, there is no judgement. Jack recognises the role the loss of Janey has played in the development of Phryne’s character and he acknowledges it, saying to her, “You owe it to her to keep living to the hilt”. Jack and Phryne are lost in each other’s gaze, as if both are aware of the shift in their relationship. 

I’d like to think this is the moment Phryne recognises that Jack is a man who may just allow her to be herself, free from the confines of societal expectation. The unspoken exchange as they stare into each other’s eyes is only broken by Dot.

As Phryne reaches across the table to ask Jack to stay and help her celebrate, she acknowledges his importance to her. But, as she returns to the party, Phryne once again dons her carefully manufactured facade. 

Only Jack sees through her. The look that passes between them from the doorway across the room is deeply charged. The slight smile he gives her, aside from setting my heart aflutter, belies the significant shift in their relationship that has occurred. Jack never takes his eyes off her and Phryne herself is obviously aware of him in a way that is not trivial or sexualised as many of her male suitors are. 

Which brings me back to my earlier comment regarding the consolidation of their relationship. Over the course of the series, we have watched both Jack and Phryne evolve from the characters we met in Cocaine Blues. Consider Phryne: carefree, sexually liberated, uninterested in being tied down to anyone or anything. Indeed, it is only her desire to solve what happened to her sister Janey that has seen her return to Australian shores. Meanwhile Detective Inspector Jack Robinson is serious, withdrawn and in all honesty, we know very little about him. 

But as the episodes unfold, we learn more about the vivacious lady detective and her protagonist inspector. We learn that the scars of World War 1 run deep as does Phryne’s sense of guilt over her sister’s disappearance. Nothing in Phryne’s backstory is an excuse or justification for her licentious behaviour, her experiences merely inform her current choice of actions. As she herself states she hasn’t taken anything seriously since 1918. She is determined to enjoy the good life and that seems to be primarily through the more sensual aspects of life.

Similarly, Jack’s experience of the war has informed his choices. To Jack, who holds family and honour close, the failure of his marriage coming on top of the horrors of the war, has led him to withdraw into himself. It is only as the episodes roll out that we see the spark creep back into Jack. To begin with, it is characteristic snark but by the end there is distinct humour in his exchanges and an openness to Phryne that would never have occurred to the Jack we met in episode 1.

But the evolution of both characters is not an accident, rather it is carefully nurtured. The writers/producers took a huge risk when they deviated so significantly from the original characterisations of Kerry Greenwood. But to their credit through the careful and consistent development of the characters across the series, through narrative that guides and develops the relationship in a realistic and valuable way, I believe they have retained the integrity and value of the literary Phryne and, at the same time, laid the groundwork for a believable relationship that the commitment-phobe Phryne of Episode 1 would have run a mile from.

For us to accept and to even care about a relationship between Jack and Phryne, it needs to be beneficial to both. Phryne cannot stop being the strong independent heroine we all love her to be. If her love interest pulls her down we either devalue her or reject the love interest. Instead any worthy suitor needs to build her up, strengthen her, improve her. But it must be a two-way street, she must also bring value to her love interest. She must view him as her equal intellectually and morally. If she doesn’t then he is no more than a diversion, retained only for the amusement he provides her. The writers have indeed provided us such a relationship. Jack and Phryne stand alone as individuals: both strong and independent but together they are even better and therein lies the true attraction of this relationship and the reason it works without detracting from the literary Phryne. They are, in short, the yin to each others’ yang.

A quick search through Google defines this as :  “ The simple meaning is: You complete me. However, there is more to it. It's also about balance. So the other meaning would be : You balance me out. In Chinese philosophy, Yin and Yang represent how two even opposites can compliment each other and should be considered as a whole” (www.Quora.com). A perfect summation really of the relationship we see in this episode.

As Jack and Phryne exchange that loaded glance across the room at the end of Season 1, it is clear that the relationship between them has changed. I don’t think either Jack or Phryne are quite aware of how yet but there is no denying the resultant undercurrent. For those of us watching, we are in for a delightful ride as they, as well as us, navigate the new levels the relationship has moved to. 

And what a delightful ride it shall be. 

All screencaps taken from cap-that.com

[diindjariin]

By the River (din djarin x reader)

Rating: If I’m going off of AO3 shit then this is t, but there is a tiny lil paragraph of imagined sexiness.

Word Count: 4.3k!

Excerpt:  “Maybe. But I must admit I’m worried. I care about you, is all.” You watch the water rather than watch him. His helmet reflects back at you from the surface of the water and you realize that you are doubly removed from him, by the helmet and through reflection. The thought is dizzying, but his touch is more so. Slowly, as if he’s afraid you’ll reject his touch, Mando leans toward you and gently tucks a lock of hair behind your ear. It forces you to look at him rather than the water. Your breath catches. Somewhere your brain supplies the thought that, if he were any other man, without a Beskar helmet covering his face, this would be the point that you close your eyes and allow him to kiss you. You do close your eyes, then; a relaxed smile falling over your lips. You can’t kiss him, but you can imagine it.

Other works in this series: a mandalorian hello and soft hands.

A/N: Idk if I need to preface my work with this warning anymore but uh........the screencap is a nightmare. sorry about that folks. Also, if you’ve been following this series (i.e. read the first two installments) this one takes place before part 2. Consider this... part 1.5. I couldn’t stop thinking about what episode 4 would be like with the reader character so... here we go. This also contains a very small portion of borrow dialogue from episode 4, and I’ve changed the way some things went down for the purpose of AU fiction. Enjoy!

Sorgan: no star port, no industrial centers, no population density. The perfect triad for a hiding spot for you, Mando, and the Child. At least, according to Mando it is. You aren’t much versed in the art of hiding and bounty hunting, but you know he is, so you trust his instincts. So: Sorgan.

           “I’m gonna go out there and I’m gonna look around,” the Mandalorian says, pulling his gloves over his hands. “do you want to come with me?”

           The question throws you and you’re quiet for so long that Mando turns to face you, lifting your chin with the tip of a gloved finger.

           “Is that…okay?” You ask, leaving your lips parted in confusion. Mando never asks you to explore a planet with him unless he’s been there before.  He’s very particular, usually rattling off some version of Stay with the kid until I know it’s safe, then disappearing for a few hours before returning with news of a room and food. But now…now he’s asking.

           “You’ll be with me,” he says simply, letting go of your chin and turning away to open the hatch. You follow mutely until you feel a tug on your dress and see the Child beneath you, one little green hand fisted in your dress, the other reaching up for you.

           “Can we bring him?” You ask, knowing he’ll probably say no. I can’t watch the both of you, you imagine him saying, or if something happens to us we can put him on lockdown. But he does nothing of the sort. He pauses, hands on his hips and head cocked slightly to the left, staring at the both of you. Then he says Okay so quiet that you aren’t sure you’ve heard it or if you’re imagining things. But he turns and begins walking away so you assume you’re meant to follow, picking the Child up and following him out the door.

Trouble finds you immediately, because it’s Mando, but you figure that, if anything, an ex-shock-trooper was a good person to get into trouble with. Better than Imperial, you rationalize. Cara Dune is dangerous and stunning in the way that Mando is: she radiates power, but she looks like she’s kind where it matters. It’s hard to be scared of her when she smirks and jokes and swings an arm over your shoulder at the village. You hadn’t realized how much you missed female company until you had it, and though Cara isn’t similar to the women you kept friendships with on your home planet, she still has a feminine energy that you’d sorely missed.

“So, Mando…” Cara says, watching him out of the corner of her eye. “He your bodyguard or something?” Your washing clothes in the river, Cara kneeling beside you. You’ve been in the village for a few days, Mando and Cara deciding how best to go about taking down an AT-ST. You turn to look behind you and find him leaning against a tree, arms and ankles crossed, staring in your direction. You raise a hand and wave at him. He waves back.

“Why do you think that?” you ask with a small smile. Cara huffs.

“He hovers. And stares. Guys don’t do that unless they’re watching for something.”

“He’s just protective,” you say, which doesn’t really answer Cara’s question of what you are to each other. “I’m his… babysitter.” The sound that comes from Cara’s mouth can only be described as a laugh and a choke.

“Whatever you say,” says the ex-shock-trooper, lifting herself up from her sitting position and brushing her knees. “Ah Mando, you can have my seat.” Then she disappears.

Mando takes the spot next to you, albeit closer than Cara was sitting. You pause in your work to look at him. He’s watching you, body leaning toward you. You have his full attention.

“Babysitter, huh?” He says, moving his arms so they rest on his knees, “Is that how you’d… describe us?” His voice comes out a bit muffled, sharp. He’s speaking through a smirk, you can tell. The knowledge of that makes you smile broadly. He’s teasing you.

“I don’t really know how I would describe us,” you say sincerely, setting your washing aside and turning your body to face his. “Babysitter isn’t wrong, necessarily.” He hums in response, low in his throat. You turn from him to look at the water, watch the ripples dance. It’s peaceful, birds chirping loudly from the branches of tall trees, a light breeze drifting by. It gathers enough force to lift your hair, causing a lock to fall from behind your ear into your face. “I’m worried. About the AT-ST,” you say, and you know you’ve caught him off guard when he sucks in a sharp breath.

“I’ve handled worse,” he says but you know in your heart this isn’t true. Mando wouldn’t suggest the village pick up and move for no good reason. If the original plan was to run, then that’s because it’s the smartest choice. Thinking about him going up against something that’s been known to kill hundreds of soldiers at once is terrifying. You know he’s strong, the strongest man you’ve ever known, but you worry.

“Maybe. But I must admit I’m worried. I care about you, is all.” You watch the water rather than watch him. His helmet reflects back at you from the surface of the water and you realize that you are doubly removed from him, by the helmet and through reflection. The thought is dizzying, but his touch is more so. Slowly, as if he’s afraid you’ll reject his touch, Mando leans toward you and gently tucks a lock of hair behind your ear. It forces you to look at him rather than the water. Your breath catches. Somewhere your brain supplies the thought that, if he were any other man, without a Beskar helmet covering his face, this would be the point that you close your eyes and allow him to kiss you. You do close your eyes, then; a relaxed smile falling over your lips. You can’t kiss him, but you can imagine it. With closed eyes, Mando’s shoulder touching yours, you can imagine him leaning into you, hand on your waist, lips on your –

You are, quite literally, splashed out of your thoughts with cold water. Your eyes shoot open as water drips from your hair into your eyes. Mando shakes his glove, which is soaked and dripping, over the river. You squeal.

Mando chuckles, which snaps you out of your daze and gives you the courage to give him a taste of his own medicine. Something sinister must pass over your eyes because Mando begins to rise, struggling to stand after sitting for so long.

“Oh no you don’t,” you say, sticking your entire forearm in the river and practically tossing water at him. You mostly get his legs as he stumbles backward, losing his balance and landing on his ass. That makes you laugh. You’re struggling to hold your giggles in, crawling over to the dazed Mandalorian. “Are you okay?” you ask, voice filled with mirth. He doesn’t respond, which makes you crawl closer, afraid he’s hit his head. “Mando?”

He reacts faster than you could have predicted, launching himself up, grabbing ahold of your waist, and lurching you into his arms. “What are you –“ as he makes his way to the water, you know his intention. “Wait, Mando, no! I’m sorry, okay!” Though you plead and beg your voice is full of humor, of longing. It would be very inconvenient to be soaking wet right now, but there are worse things. And you don’t mind being held by him. He carries you right to the edge, practically holding you over the water while you cling to him for dear life.

“Put me down, Mando!” You shout on the tail end of a laugh.

“Down? You sure?” He loosens his grip on you a bit, bringing you close to the water. The bottom of your dress touches the water. Your arms tighten around his neck. You burry your face there, too.

“If I go, you’re coming with me,” you threaten, squeezing his neck for good measure.

“I like those odds,” he assures you. Your eyes widen at that. Would he seriously jump in this river just to get you wet?

You don’t get to find out. Cara returns at that moment, blaster in hand. She startles when she sees the state the two of you are in, dripping water and giggling. You blush.

“The villagers are ready to learn to shoot. You gonna join us?”

“Yes,” he replies statically, immediately dropping you to your feet on the riverbank. He’s all business now, rolling his shoulders and turning to you, nodding at the clothes you’d been washing. “Leave that here. I want you to practice, too.” When he talks to you like that, all authoritarian like, what choice do you have?

You beat the AT-ST. And the rival village. You’d won at a cost but won all the same. It took a few days to clean up the mess but after a week it looked as though nothing violent or exciting had ever happened. Just a regular village on a small planet in the Outer Rim.

Weeks passed. The Child fell in love with the other children, the attention. You can tell in the widening of his eyes and the perk in his ears. He was happy here. So were you. But most importantly, so was Mando. You expected Cara to bolt after taking down the AT-ST but, to your astonishment, she stays. Her presence is an added bonus in your life, not just for yourself but for Mando, too. The two get along well together; there’s a bond between them that you figure comes with being a soldier and you relish in that fact; glad he’s found someone besides you that he’s comfortable sharing with.

           “So what’s with the flower?” Cara’s sitting back in a rocking chair on Omera’s porch, hands folded haphazardly over her chest. The Mandalorian stands, arms and ankles crossed, watching you play with the children.

           Mando doesn’t answer, head tilting down and toward her slightly as if he were confused by the meaning of her words. Cara rolls her eyes and waves her hand in your direction.

           “The girl. I get the kid, but… why the girl?” He returns to watching you, contemplating her words. You’re sitting on the ground, two children in your lap and a third next to you, playing with your hair. The Child wanders in aimless circles around you as you speak quietly to the children, a look of secrecy on your face. All at once the children’s eyes leap to the Mandalorian and giggle, immediately turning their faces into your shoulders when Mando catches them looking. You smile and laugh to yourself, looking up at the Mandalorian and smiling at him, wiggling your fingers. He doesn’t return the gesture, but he does nod his head to let you know he’s watching. “Are you two screwing or something?”

           Mando jumps a little and curses, whipping his head to face Cara.

           “No.” He says the words with an edge of finality, leaving no room open to pry. Cara does so anyway.

           “You’re telling me you don’t want to get to know that beautiful woman in more than one way?” Cara asks, eyebrows creeping into her hairline. “Because if it were me –”

           “Cara,” he says, and that makes her stop. His tone is… not warning, but it’s close. But when Cara turns to look at him, he isn’t looking back at her. He’s looking at you, and Cara can only guess the expression on his face under the Beskar helmet but she imagines that it’s longing.

           “Oh,” she says, nodding her head and taking a sip of spotchka so she doesn’t have to speak, “that’s – wow, okay.”

           “You can’t –” he starts to say, but Cara is already shaking her head and waving her hand at him.

           “I won’t,” she promises, and the conviction in her voice holds truth. Mando figures it’s a soldier thing, falling for someone in your platoon and keeping it a secret, for the good of the rebellion. He imagines Cara’s kept a lot of secrets like his in her lifetime and knows with certainty that she won’t repeat it. “But why can’t you?” The Mandalorian sighs, slow and deep, the sound tinny when filtered through the modulator.

           “My creed,” says the Mandalorian, and though it is a sufficient answer for him it is not for Cara Dune.

           “What do you mean?” she asks, brows furrowed. “What happens if you take that thing off? They come after you and kill you?”

           “No. You just can’t ever put it back on again.” Cara flounders, looking at the Mandalorian with a mixture of pity and awe.

           “That’s it? So you can slip off the helmet, settle down with a woman you obviously care about, and raise your kid here, sipping spotchka? Why the hell not?”

           The Mandalorian is silent for so long that Cara figures he isn’t going to respond, figures she’s pushed too hard and upset him. In reality, Mando plays her words over and over in his head, trying to find an answer. He watches you with the children, smiling and nodding and spinning. Your long dress sways with every movement, makes you look shorter. He knows the emotion desire, has felt it in his lifetime when looking at a dangerous woman with a blaster. When he sees you, though, he doesn’t want to fuck you, helmet digging into your shoulder, dress bunched up high on your thighs. He wants to lay you down gently on his cot, helmet long forgotten, and place gentle kisses on your collarbones. He wants to whisper naughty things in your ear, only after he’s told you how beautiful you look. He wants you to whimper and sigh and call him Din. He wants to make love to you, gently, slowly. He wants to love you. Why the hell not?

           “I… wouldn’t know how,” is his response, several minutes later. It’s not the response that Cara was expecting.

           “You have time,” she says, nodding at you and the Child. “You stay here, you’ve got all the time in the world. Your whole life, really.” Cara’s smile is playful, but when she turns to the Mandalorian his posture has gone stiff and his arms are crossed over his chest.

“I’m leaving,” he says quietly, so quiet that Cara almost misses it. “I don’t belong here. They do. Traveling with me, that’s not a life. That’s a sentence.” You’re standing now, wrangling the kids who are shouting Swimmy! Swimmy! As they strip their clothes and run toward the riverbank in their underwear. A male member of the village approaches you in small swim shorts, speaking quickly and excitedly. You nod and point your thumb back at the Mandalorian, which makes his shoulders and chest tighten impulsively. Cara’s eyes widen and her jaw drops slightly, but before she can comment you’re making your way over to the two of them, a spring in your step. You pull yourself up onto the porch and grab one of Mando’s hands.

           “Hey,” you say sweetly, voice dripping with honey. “Come swim with me.” Refusing is one of the hardest things he’s ever done, he imagines, but he soldiers through. He shakes his head once and taps his index finger against his helmet, deflating your spirit a bit, but you don’t let go of his hand.

           “Enjoy yourself,” he says softly, nods at the Child as well, “don’t let me slow you down.”

           “Never,” you reply, brushing your thumb over his gloved knuckles, “I’m sure you could outswim me, even with all that metal.”

           “Where you go, I’ll catch you,” he says and then recognizes the significance of his words but doesn’t take them back. He thinks how, this time tomorrow, he’ll be gone from this planet and you’ll be here with the kid, alone. He supposes he’s making himself into a liar, but even knowing that he’s leaving, he still finds the statement to be true.

           Your breath catches in your throat and you blush, cheeks and ears turning a ruddy pink. You figure if you’d touch them, your face would be warmer than the heat off the Sorgan sun. Needing a distraction from Mando’s heavy gaze, you turn to Cara.

           “What about you Cara? Interested in a swim?” Cara’s mouth is still ajar but once you give her your attention she snaps it closed.

           “I…” she says, elongating the sound “think I’ll sit this one out. But thanks.” Her smile is tight and forced but her care for you is genuine. You smile and nod, making to step down from the porch before you make a noise of remembrance in the back of your throat.

           “Mando,” you say sweetly, turning your back on him. You wrap your hair around your fist and pull it over your shoulder to expose your back. “Can you untie me, please?”

           Mando turns beat red under his helmet, stares at your back for much longer than is appropriate. Cara lets out a strangled sound in the back of her throat that he’s sure is a stifled laugh. Taking a deep breath, the Mandalorian reaches shaking hands up to the ties of your dress, slowly pulling apart the knots he’d made that morning. He remembers your bare shoulders and clavicles on display, hands holding up your dress just enough to cover your breasts, shrouded as they were in your undergarments. I thought I could tie it up myself, you’d said, giggling, would you help me?

           Now, you slip the fabric down your shoulders until it pools at your feet. You step out of the garment, flinging it over your shoulder. “If you change your mind, you know where I’ll be,” you say, flashing the two of them a smile before picking up the Child and following the villagers the short distance to the river. Mando watches you unabashedly, knowing you can’t tell, follows the line of your legs as they take you away from him. He catches Cara doing the same.

           “You’re gonna break her heart,” Cara says, shaking her head. “Maybe your own, too.”

 He eventually comes looking for you. It’s been hours, and most of the villagers have come back from the river with smiles and loose shoulders. Not you, though. Even the Child is here, playing with the other children under the watchful eye of Omera. He asks her about you and she smiles, points in the direction of the river. Where you go, I’ll catch you, he thinks as he makes his way through the forest. Then he sees you.

           You’re in your underthings, like before, but now they’re wet and cling to your figure like a second skin. He can see your nipples through the fabric. Your hair is wet and slicked back due to the water. He watches you do a lap from bank to bank, completely unaware of his presence until you see him and smile.

           “Mando!” you say happily, disbelief in your voice. “Come to join me?”

           “Come to check on you,” he says, making his way to the bank. He sits right on the edge, legs stretched out, leans back on his haunches, “you let the kid go off alone.”

           “He’s with Omera,” you say gently, “pretty safe to me. Unless you… disagree?” You’re sure his tone was calm but an apology sits on your tongue all the same. He shakes his head.

           “I don’t.”

           You nod at him, rest your chin on your arms, folded over the riverbank. You allow your eyes to close, exhausted from hours spent in the sun. It’s Mando’s company, really, that allows you to relax so easily, lulled into a trance by the energy his presence carries. It’s so… peaceful here; so different from what you’re used to. Your life with Mando wasn’t violent per say, but the affect Sorgan had on Mando was astonishing. His shoulders loosened more every day, he spoke to strangers more, he… put down roots. And you were setting yours, too.

           “Mando?” He doesn’t respond, but his head perking up lets you know he’s listening. “I really like it here.”

           “I know,” he says, and for some reason he sounds sad.

           “The Child likes it here. You do too, don’t you?”

           “I do.”

           “Could we…” you trail off, afraid that if you vocalize your desires they’ll slip through your grasp. You want so badly for him to set aside the life of a bounty hunter, to have the life you know he deserves. Bounty hunting might be the only life he knows, but maybe you can teach him something new. You reach your right hand up to grasp his forearm. “Could we stay here, do you think? You, me, the kid. You could start over, raise him. It would be… a good life. Wouldn’t it?” You’re staring into the slit of his helmet, like you always do when speaking to him, but in this moment it feels as though you can sense his eyes.

           “It would,” he says, voice full of longing. He shifts his hand so that he can grasp your arm, too, both of your holding onto the other’s forearm like a promise. He wants so desperately to tell you that you can, he will. He’s wanted this for so long that the possibility of it makes him stop. He doesn’t deserve this. But you do.

           And then comes the gunshot. It pierces through the air sharply, lodging itself into the water inches from your body. You yelp in surprise, not recognizing it for danger. Mando does.

           He doesn’t have his blaster. It’s the first thought that runs through his mind. In the weeks of peace he’s become soft, unaccustomed to danger. He’d left it behind with Cara, not thinking he’d need it. He doesn’t think much about his course of action, the only thoughts running through his head being no weapon. He has no way to fight off the attacker. So he does the only thing that makes sense: he jumps into the river, grabs the back of your head in one hand and your hip in the other, and plunges you both into the water. You have just enough time to suck in a lungful of air before he drags you both down.

           Two more bullets whiz into the water while the two of you hide, holding your breath. He’s got your body tucked into his, chests plastered together, your head under his chin. His grip is so tight it hurts, sure you’ll have finger-shaped bruises on your hip. Your lungs are burning in protest and you aren’t sure how much longer you can stay under for when Mando drags you both up for air again. His head snaps back and forth, looking for your assailant.

           “Hold your breath,” he says quickly, pulling you even tighter against him as he prepares to plunge you both back into the water when Cara Dune’s voice echoes across the forest.

           “Got him!” she cries. She sounds close and after a few seconds you can hear her running footsteps. “Mando? Where are you two?”

           “Here!” You call and cough, lungs sore. Mando immediately looks to you sharply.

           “Are you okay?” he asks, putting you at arm’s length so he can inspect you. You nod but the sensation makes you woozy. He helps lift you back into the bank but you don’t move, lying on your stomach instead. Mando lifts himself out of the water just as Cara makes her way to you.

           “You guys okay?” she asks once she’s close enough. You lift yourself up on your arms and nod, still struggling a bit for breath. Mando leans down to grab your arms, helping to hoist you to your feet. You’re mostly okay, but the movement makes you woozy. You lean against him, one hand on his shoulder for support.

           “Yes.” He says.

           “I found this,” she says, holding up a tracking fob. The sight of it has your heart sinking. “Who’s he tracking?”

           “The kid,” you say, sorrow in your voice.

           “Then they know he’s here.”

           “Yes,” Mando says.

           That’s that, really.

             The goodbyes are painful. You know you shouldn’t have, but you’d started to build a life here, on Sorgan. As you pack away your things you think of how, this time yesterday, everything was perfect. To think this hurts your heart, though, so you focus instead on the packing.

           “Are you sure you don’t want an escort?” Cara asks, all smiles and gentle teasing. You know what your answer would be, but it’s up to Mando.

           “I appreciate the offer,” he says, “but we’re gonna bypass the town and head right to the Razor Crest.” Cara nods.

           “Well then, until our paths cross,” she says, offering him her hand.

           “Until our paths cross,” he repeats, taking her hand in his. Now, Cara turns to you.

           “Look out for the bucket head,” she says with a smirk, “he seems a little in over his head.”

           “I will,” you say, voice so genuine that it catches you off guard. You surprise yourself even further when you grab a hold of the woman and bring her in for a hug. It’s a little rough with all her armor but soothes you all the same. “Take care of yourself, Cara.” She smiles and nods, looking a bit awkward, but pleased. Mando helps you onto the little carriage and then follows suit, sitting next to you. As it takes off and the villagers begin to wave in unison, a feeling of immense sadness begins to overtake you. You swallow thickly as your eyes begin to mist. Mando shifts and you feel his hand grab a hold of yours. You blink up at him, giving him a forced, wet smile. He squeezes your hand.

[a-alhazred]

Please stop equating "this has tropes" to analysis.

Please stop equating "this has tropes" to "this is bad."

Chris Pratt ain’t gonna win an Oscar for this film (this comment really needs a replacement because it’s not like anyone takes the Oscars seriously anymore, but anyway) but it’s a fun little sci-fi action flick.

I almost didn’t watch this movie not because the premise is completely ludicrous (although it is, and if you know me, you know I’m all for a ludicrous premise,) but because I could see in my head the first act of the movie where the people in the setting have to be sold on that premise.

Then, that didn’t happen.

Flash forward twelve months; the ludicrous premise is sold. The world knows it’s real. The plot can move along without trying to do incredibly rote drama where we have to watch the characters disbelieving for twenty minutes.

Some of that rote drama still makes it in; we still have to watch Chris Pratt be sad about his family and all that jazz, but it’s kept to a minimal level. Or rather, the actual content of those moments is kept to a minimal level, those scenes are way too long and this movie should’ve been twenty minutes shorter.

Look, at no point am I going to say this movie is a misunderstood masterpiece, it’s like the moto-boner from Battle: L.A. has erectile dysfunction, and that wasn’t exactly a misunderstood masterpiece either... but it was moderately fun, and so is this. So much of the criticism anything like this gets reads to me like people complaining that it’s not cliché enough even as they complain about The Tropes™ in it. It’s like pretense at wanting something different, but being very uncomfortable when the lockstep pattern isn’t followed.

I hate to break it to this article, but all of those can be traced back to older things as well. Alien and Terminator are classics because they were masterfully executed using good ideas, not wholly new ideas. On the off-chance this list was meant to invoke that competent execution, it’s certainly... flawed. Like, lol, ID4, Starship Troopers and Edge of Tomorrow? I’m sorry, I can’t stand Tom Cruise, my major hot take is that Edge of Tomorrow would’ve been vastly improved if he was replaced with Chrisp Rat. I actually like Starship Troopers, but it’s also in that bizarre position of being the one time Paul Verhoven somehow managed to be too subtle and so it didn’t really land like it could have. And Independence Day is... Independence Day.

(To be clear, this is not a condemnation of authors using tools. Literary devices are called devices for a reason; they work. Storytelling is based on rules, and ignoring all of those rules makes a bad story. The problem is that it can go too far in the other direction; those rules do have wiggle-room. If you’re writing a sci-fi story where, say, normal people are dealing with extraordinary things, ask yourself if you really need to have a scene with the Annoying Government Official™ whose sole purpose is to stonewall the main characters by being a complete idiot and ignoring all the evidence in front of them, or if you just put that character in there because it feels like something this type of story should have and nothing actually changes if they’re absent. TBH I have a hard time thinking of one of these characters who isn’t either pointless, annoying to sit through, or both that isn’t Walter Peck.)

Please stop equating "this has tropes" to analysis.

Please stop equating "this has tropes" to "this is bad."

Screencapped article; https://www.mercurynews.com/2021/07/02/tomorrow-war-enlists-all-the-alien-invasion-movie-tropes-it-can/

[vanquishedvaliant]

The sidedish is scrolling your blog and not finding you talking about new anime

I must not be hip enough to recognize precisely what you’re getting at by ‘sidedish’, but I just don’t usually post it much on tumblr unprompted anymore because writeups are a pain, they don’t usually get much traction, and I’m more than satisfied talking about it in discord with people that are actually going to listen and respond.

I DO have thoughts on new anime I can serve if it’s that in demand, though. 

Here’s what I’m watching this season with some initial reaction ratings based on the first couple episodes

New this season;

Wonder Egg Priority 10/10

UraSekai Picnic 10/10

Kumo desu ga, nani ka 8/10

Kemono Jihen 9/10

Hortensia Saga 7/10

Soukou Musume Senki 7/10

Gekidol 6/10

Sequels;

Cells at Work 9/10

Cells at Work: Black! 9/10

Uma Musume Pretty Derby 10/10

Tensei Shitara Slime Datta Ken 8/10

Log Horizon 8/10

Dr Stone 10/10

Continuing from last season;

Higurashi ... Gou 10/10

Hanyou no Yashahime 6/10

Jujutsu Kaisen 10/10

I’m also watching the original Higurashi in between off days to catch up to where Gou is, since I’d never seen it before and it’s clear I’m not getting the full story in Gou anymore without it.

Deeper thoughts under the cut.

Wonder Egg Priority and Urasekai Picnic are the clear AOTS contenders. Both are at once extremely superficially similar but very different in practice, and both bring something unique and charming to the table.

Urasekai is extremely notable at being a well executed supernatural adventure anime that is also a yuri; as much as I love pure romances like Bloom into You or Adachi and Shimamura, it’s very rare that we get anime with lesbian main characters or WLW romance where the romance itself isn’t the focus, that includes a serious, intriguing plot alongside the elements of romance. You know, like straight people get without a question every single story ever.

It’s got this very classic cryptid / SCP / otherworld adventure feel and has the right comedic and tension beats to be quite good, though its long term impact will be determined by what kind of further message it has.

Wonder Egg Priority immediately comes off with extremely powerful vibes in the vein of things like Flip Flappers, which I mean in the highest compliment. A surreal, metaphor-filled story of dreams and desires and well laid subtext, with colourful, exotic action and a snappy pace. This one’s extremely interesting to me, and its first episode was masterfully efficient in setting up its premise both aesthetically and thematically.

The real test for Wonder Egg will come with time; this is a story that trades heavily in meaning; so it’ll have to run longer and come to a conclusion to really test what kind of impact it’ll have. For now, I’m VERY interested and cautiously optimistic.

Spider Isekai is a charming twist on the typical flood of fantasy game / isekai stories placing our protagonist at the extreme low end of the power curve, and quite UNLIKE Slime Isekai or most others on the market like last season’s Kuma Bear, this one seems intent on keeping her there rather than immediately granting her insane godlike powers and thrusting her back above the curve.

The parts of the show that focus on the spider herself are lovely; there’s a real tension and sense of stakes in her struggle to adapt, slowly getting used to her new body and gaining levels and abilities, making even simple conflicts against frogs or lizards seem life threatening and serious, giving us a real reason to root for her.

On the other hand, the show frequently switches focus to... the entire other classroom of isekai’d children which is by far less interesting. There’s potential in there somewhere for a story about mass isekai’d kids adapting, but other than some details like one girl being gender swapped, and another being the class pet, there’s just really not much interesting about them at the moment and these sections just feel like a waste of time while waiting for the Spider to come back.

I don’t doubt that they’ll eventually meet up and have their stories intertwine... but at the moment, I don’t think I actually want that to happen. We’ll see where this one goes.

Kemono Jihen took me by surprise, and I wasn’t planning to watch this one unti l saw some screencaps. But the first two episodes have been outstanding, giving us a fantastic supernatural mystery detective agency plot and characters with real emotions, eye catching action scenes, and a compelling mystery.

Definitely looking forward to more of this one.

Hortensia Saga seems like a fairly typical fantasy war chronicle RPG story. It feels very in the vein of early to mid era fire emblems, and I happen to like anime like this that are solidly executed, like Grancrest Senki a while back. It’s doing a good enough job so far to keep my interest. Nothing game changing here, but a decent offering.

Soukou Musume Senki; this one also comes across in the standard seasonal fare of superpowered teenagers fighting aliens, this time with power armor and mild isekai elements. The monster designs are good this time, and the second episode brought us some nice moral / political dialogue showcasing some level of self awareness and depth. It’s fun so far.

Gekidol this show wants really badly to be compared favourably to Shoujo Kageki Starlight Revue. They’re hamming up the theatre tropes, putting out specials, sliding in secret background lore. First episode was fairly interesting, but the second seriously dropped the ball with its half assed Idol episode, and incredibly tone deaf play at a heartwarming moment.

I’m gonna keep watching this one for now, but it really needs to prove to me it has some meat and isn’t going to just keep borrowing tropes from other shows to lend it superficial “deep” merits.

For sequels,

Cells at Work is as cute, wholesome, and info-taining as ever. I think the OP this time is missing a little oomph, but the show itself is still going strong.

Cells at Work: Black! is offering a new take on it with a slightly darker and mature setting with a stressed out alcholic smoker at risk of contracting STDS, with a little bleaker tone and harsher stakes. It relies on the background of the original Cells at Work to work both tonally and narratively, but with that support it provides something quite interesting and unique.

The usual Cells at Work metaphors and humanization of bodily processes are just as excellent as always, and I’m giving special credit to the sketch about alcholic liver damage being compared to drunken abuse of host club employees, displaying a perhaps obvious if natural juxtaposition of the physical and emotional damage the substance abuse is causing to both the body itself and others around them.

Uma Musume; Horse girls! Racing! Just as surprisingly excellent as last season, giving us a fantastic sports story anime with charming characters and balanced stakes, with a good helping of humour. Easy recommend.

Slime Isekai: This one’s still going strong but has diverged from it’s original premise quite seriously. There’s nothing intriguing about this being an isekai  about being reincarnated as a slime anymore; and he’s way too overpowered for any of the combat to have any stakes. What it DOES have however is a fascinating look at the birth of a fantasy nation of monsters, politics, science, and social development of a varied and multicultural monster nation. And THAT I’m still in for.

I will seriously never forgive them for making Bobcut Lizardgirl into a regular ass human though. It has a serious problem with de-monsterizing its character designs and seriously reducing their appeal.

Log Horizon the true king of MMO isekai is back after 7 long, long years, and it’s jumping STRAIGHT into the depth of its political intrigue and deep understanding and development of the socio political issues inherent to its setting. Somewhat dry as ever, but truly fascinating for those looking at a more serious exploration of what the concept of living in a game actually means.

Dr Stone: I don’t have to hype this up, do I? Mad science speedrunning the development of human culture from the stone age up! This time they’re going to war! They made cell phones and cup ramen out of rocks! It’s heartwarming, emotionally rich, entertaining and informative, and funny as all hell. A classic for sure.

Higurashi. Everyone knows higurashi. Thing is, I just never watched it. We thought Gou was going to be a remake, but then it ended up being Rebuild of Evangelion, so I stopped at episode 12 or so and went back to watch the original. Classic horror mystery.

Yashahime. Yikes. This one’s... well. I don’t have any especial nostalgia or affection for Inuyasha like many people, but Yashahime is clearly a very middling approximation of it. There’s things to like here, the main trio of characters are all great designs, Moroha standing even head and shoulders above them as a truly endearing goblin child, and it really does feel in ways like 90s toonami fare. But there’s some lack of depth going on here, and I just don’t even know what to say about the Sesshoumaru pedophilia thing. Extremely questionable plotting.

[dromaeocore]

Like.

I was eleven the first time I made a Plan. I had gotten my period and I was going to run away into the wilderness and maybe catch a bus and start a new life, or maybe die because I couldn't handle what was happening to my body - and maybe that was a sign I was broken and God should take me.

I spent the next few years dreaming of being a martyr. Of looking for signs in the sky that the End Times were here and hoping to God I'd have a chance to prove my faith my giving my life to Him. That's what I thought about, day in and day out. That was my plan for the future. Die a gruesome, public death so that I may somehow find some shred of worth in my last moments.

I started getting really depressed at 14. I didn't think I'd make it past 15. Still, I told no one.

By 16, I was switching between "I have to kill myself to find out the truth about reality because I can't handle what the eldritch gods are telling me anymore and I know the government will imprison me if they find me and the world keeps glitching and I can't handle not knowing anything anymore I can't I can't I can't" and "I'm a worthless piece of shit and I deserve to die before I hurt anyone".

When I told a Christian counsellor I hallucinated sometimes, she acted like she didn't hear me and talked to me about respecting my parents and we prayed a lot.

I had a short stint of happiness for a few months at 17 before it all came crashing down on me tenfold. By that point, I didn't believe in recovery. I just didn't.

The psychotic symptoms came back again, different themes this time, but no less terrifying. I attempted twice at 18, and you know who I told? Absolutely no one. I still think it's some kind of miracle I survived the second time around. I secretly went to two sessions of campus therapy and said I sometimes feel like wanting to die, but don't worry, I don't have a plan and would never actually do it.

At 19, I moved back home and had a long mental health evaluation where I was desperate enough to be kind of honest. I got diagnosed with ADHD and put on medication and for once in my life I felt like my brain worked. I got therapy with a man who self-identified as a fundamentalist Christian - but was mature enough to set his beliefs aside to help me. This was the first time I learned actual CBT skills. The first time I felt a glimmer of hope for my future. I started exercising. I started seeing my grades improve. I got accommodations for my disabilities. For once I started to develop dreams and an identity beyond how abysmal my mental health was and "what's the best way to kill myself?".

I think the times I was most convinced recovery wasn't possible for me was during the relapses of this period. I wish it'd taken me less time to learn that relapses would Happen. I thought I was doomed. I thought the universe had a target on my head and my time was here at long last.

Instead, I moved out at 20 to get some space. I had the faintest glimmer of myself and I knew that glimmer was incompatible with the church-heavy life my folks were having me lead back there. My identity was in shambles, but this time, I liked myself just enough to want to build one.

The flashbacks and dissociation began to take over my life and after about six months of that I thought shit, I need to start seeing a trauma therapist. So I did, in secret, with cash, leaving the phone tracker at home while I drove to hourly sessions and it turned out yep, this was PTSD.

And slowly, I learned how to live again. I was finishing my AA while working almost full time at a minimum wage job and living off of oatmeal and sweet potatoes and beans and rice. I didn't really have goals. Or a social life. Or even decent grades. But I learned to love the parts of myself that wanted to die, and I learned I really, really liked cooking, and I met my best friend, and I fell in love. And suddenly it didn't feel like my mental health and the deeply closeted life I was living affected just me anymore.

There were relapses, of course there were. But then my car broke down completely, and somehow I garnered enough of a self-preservation instinct to ask a friend for help, and I stayed at his place for a few weeks, and kept the phone tracker at work, and I came out to my parents, and that's still the most terrifying thing I've ever done. (Speaking as someome who drove across the country in the middle of a national uprising and a pandemic.)

And now - woah! I have so many goddamn goals and dreams I don't even know what to do with myself or where to start! I'm so fucking scattered and indecisive it's frustrating and sometimes it feels like it'll be impossible to finish any of them but holy shit! I have dreams! I want to be alive! There's so much I want to do and so little time and that's!!! Woah!!!

Despite that, I'm still depressed. Seriously, it takes me hours to get out of bed without a pressing Responsibility. I feel at least somewhat grey and foggy and tired 75% of the time.

But when you look at the fact that I've been actively suicidal for PRETTY MUCH my entire thinking life minus the majority of the past couple years? Bro, I'm on cloud nine. I'm doing great. [insert "do you think a depressed person could make THIS?" screencap from parks and rec here]

I never thought I'd make it to 15, 16, 17, 18, 19. 22 was out of the goddamn question and you know what? I'm on like, teenager-level of Life Plans right now. But I have a LIFE! And I have PLANS! Plans ABOUT that life - not about vanquishing it! And isn't that wonderful?

I sometimes muster the energy to work on my fursuit. I draw a fair amount. I'm making OCs and original stories, again. I go on runs with my boyfriend and we cook together and cuddle a lot and I actually get to go outside and hike around sometimes. I'm looking into getting involved in volunteering somewhere and I'm gonna start weightlifting again. Medical/legal transition is no longer some faraway, impossible dream. And I pet dogs. And watch a whole lot of Avatar: The Last Airbender.

So. Yeah. I'm not cured. My level of functioning now is about at the neurotypical level of "holy shit, what's wrong with me, I need to see a doctor". (And guess what - that's in the plans, too)

But I'm recovering and coping and likely will be the rest of my life. That's how lifelong illnesses are, babey. But I've accepted that. And I've got a good, full life ahead of me - a life I didn't even think I deserved, a few years ago.

Anyways. I hope my story gives someone out there some hope. I see a LOT of mental illness recovery stories like "I had an acute depressive episode for a year, talked to a therapist and got some meds, now I'm back to Normal Happy Life!!", but... nothing for those of us who've been dealing with severe mental illness for so long that we don't even have a before to go back to.

From a young adult who's been fighting with their own brain since they were a kid: As long as you're alive, there's hope.

And for the love of GOD, stop comparing yourself to people who've never have to deal with this level of Brain Fuck before.

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: The Rebellion of Adrien Agreste, ch. 9

Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Juleka Couffaine/Rose Lavillant, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Luka Couffaine, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Kagami Tsurugi, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Luka Couffaine, Lila Rossi/karma, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/aneurism, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi, Plagg & Tikki

Characters: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Lila Rossi, Jagged Stone, Plagg, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Luka Couffaine, Penny Rolling, Anarka Couffaine, Rose Lavillant, Juleka Couffaine, Kagami Tsurugi, Alya Césaire, Chloé Bourgeois, Wayhem, Nadja Chamack, Nathalie Sancoeur, Sabine Cheng, Tom Dupain, Tikki, Fang, Principal Damocles, Caline Bustier, Ms. Mendeleiev, original minor character, Alec Cataldi, Lila Rossi’s Mother, Sabrina Raincomprix, Roger Raincomprix, Mylène Haprèle, Le Gorille | Adrien Agreste’s Bodyguard, Nino Lahiffe, Nooroo

Tags: Lila Rossi salt, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Teenage Rebellion, Swearing, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, Crack Treated Seriously, Lila Rossi’s Lies Are Exposed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Luka Couffaine Needs a Hug, Paparazzi, Parentification, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, Gabriel Agreste Needs an Aneurism, Uncle Jagged Stone, we’re all queer here, the spirit of punk is sometimes just being allowed to be yourself, Kagami Finds Her Groove, punk rock fashion, Savage Kagami, Marinette protection squad, Good Parent Sabine Cheng, Good Parent Tom Dupain, Protective Kagami Tsurugi, Protective Luka Couffaine, Bisexual Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Pansexual Luka Couffaine, Sharing a Bed, Pet Names, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Instagram, Bullying, Social Media, Anxiety, Makeover, Hugs, will cure your acne, Face Punching, Bad Ass Juleka Couffaine, Rumors, Protective Juleka Couffaine, Protective Adrien Agreste, Lawyers, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Holding Hands, accountability, mental health, Jagged Stone’s well-paid pet shark, How to Make the Evening News, Sexy eyeliner for days, one fish two fish Lila is a screwed fish, How to have fun and piss Gabriel off, Fuckery, sweet litigious karma, Alya sugar, lawyer shark doo doo doo doo doo doo, Schadenfreude, Bad Ass Alya Césaire, Gaslighting, abuse denormalization, Jagged likes his lawyers like he likes his pets: toothy af, Blood in the Water, Everything you didn’t know you wanted and some things you did, Gabriel Agreste is shark bait, Denial, Consequences, Principal Damocles salt, caline bustier salt, the impotence of Gabriel Agreste, snarky Nooroo, lies and the lying liars who tell them, Lila’s brain is a narcissistic hellscape, Lila’s mind is built like an Escher piece, Alec Cataldi salt, Adrien Sugar, wholesome salt, Fu Salt, Kwami Shenanigans, Nooroo is a little shit

Summary: Marinette Protection Squad: Assemble!

Notes: I know this is set after Ladybug. Beyond that I haven’t decided. It is likely before Miracle Queen. But meh beyond that it’s AU so who cares? Also, I might be coming out of my depression. Let’s hope so!

AO3 link

Chapters 1-2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

-------------

Huddled around the computer, the three of them considered what to post alongside the pictures, ‘chaperoned’ once again by Penny. Jagged had wandered off, muttering to himself about stupid parents.

They eventually decided on posting a lovely cropped image of Adrien and Luka feeding each other bites of ice cream with the caption “Wish I’d been allowed to do this before. I’m not permitted to go out with friends much. :( But I can’t think of anyone else I’d want to share soulmate ice cream with.”

“You should send a link to that to Nadja Chamack, to get her on it if she isn’t already,” Penny noted.

Adrien took a moment to google his name and laughed. “Yeah, not all that necessary, though she could ‘leak’ some of the other images?”

Marinette’s fingers flew over her screen, and when she finished she immediately got a responding text.

“She wants to know what made you go public.”

Luka got an evil grin. “His father wanted to force him to date his teenage muse.”

Marinette glanced at Adrien, who considered for a moment before nodding. “Definitely. Said it would be ‘good for the brand.’ Put that in quotation marks.”

There was no immediate after the text was sent, so they went back to focusing on social media.

adrienagrestebrand: tbh I wish I wasn’t forced to model so much. I’d like to play with Kitty Section more. I’m the keyboardist but I don’t get to play much.

adrienagrestebrand: Also I hate missing school for photo shoots, and I wish I could hang out with my friends more.

Then Adrien got the idea to remotely check his text messages. The ones from his father were demands he return control of the social media accounts and return home. The last one had come around the time they’d gotten ice cream.

Meanwhile, Lila’s texts were very interesting, about half an hour apart.

Lila: How dare you call me a lying cow!

Lila: You can stop pretending you have a choice, Adrien.

Lila: If you come back now, I’ll try to remember you’re my ‘friend.’

Lila: You ditched me for some wharf-rat boy?!

Lila: Also those clothes are hideous.

Lila: I won’t honor our agreement.

Lila: wtf did you do to your hair! I won’t be seen with you!

Lila: Marinette is fair game. It won’t just be expulsion this time.

Lila: I warned you.

Both Luka and Adrien turned to Marinette, whose fists were clenched on her knees. Her face was pale, and she was shaking slightly. Wordlessly, the two of them pulled her close, until she was snuggled between them, her face flushed.

“What was she talking about, agreement?” Marinette finally asked.

Adrien launched into the story, how he had confronted her at the photo shoot and implied he’d make being a model difficult if she didn’t fix it.

Marinette’s eyes were wide and surprised when he finished. “I… I didn’t realize you were behind that.”

“I had to do something. It just wasn’t enough.” Adrien took her phone from where it sat on the desk, and snapped a picture of the texts from Lila. “Text it to Nadja.”

“And to Kagami,” Luka added.

Marinette did, clarifying in the text to Nadja Chamack that it was Lila Rossi, the Italian ambassador’s daughter and Gabriel Agreste’s new muse, then bit her lip. “Should I send it to Alya, too?”

The two boys nodded in unison. “And Nino,” Adrien added. “Maybe the entire class, even. Can you email it to M. Damocles and Mme. Bustier, too? Maybe Mme. Mendeleiev, too?”

They watched as Marinette’s fingers flew, texting the pic with the claim Adrien sent it to her, then accessing the school website and emailing the two teachers and the principal.

Penny got their attention, leaning around them to screencap the text messages. “I’m going to send this to Jagged’s legal counsel, too. Especially if she’s threatening Marinette… she’s his preferred designer, and thus a freelance employee. We’re obligated to protect her legally, and we intend to go after her for the claim about the kitten and song, anyway…”

Marinette stared, open-mouthed, at that, then her face turned bright red and she launched herself into Penny’s arms. The sound of Marinette’s phone alerting to text messages faded into the background as they focused on her.

Penny, for her part, looked frozen as Marinette almost sobbed against her, and Jagged happened to come in at the same time.

He rushed over, going to one knee beside her. “Hey, hey now. Marinette, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Penny gestured to the computer. “I explained we’re providing legal protection based on Lila Rossi’s threats against her. She was… overwhelmed, I guess?”

Luka shook his head. “No… I think she’s been more stressed about Lila than she’s been showing. I… I tend to do the same thing. She’s been putting on a front of being okay, but she hasn’t been.”

Adrien stood, pulling Luka with him as he went to Marinette. “Mari, I’m so sorry. I should’ve been better. I should’ve noticed.”

After a few seconds, she pulled away from Penny with a soft apology, her face red, her cheeks wet. “No. I was hiding it. You wouldn’t have known. Don’t blame yourself.”

Luka put a hand on her shoulder. “Marinette… I do the same thing, and I know I need to work on that.” He grimaced a bit at the admission. “But… your feelings matter. You don’t have to hide them, not from us, and not from anyone.”

Jagged’s face had turned stonier than Adrien had ever seen. “Tell the lawyers to draw up a restraining order. For me, and also for Marinette. We’ll see what the school decides to do—but Marinette doesn’t have to change classes. Tell the lawyer that’s the stand.”

Penny slid into the seat vacated by Adrien and got to work.

Jagged’s expression softened as he turned back to the three of them. “Let’s order some dinner and those manicures, eh? Marinette, call your parents and let them know you’re staying for dinner with me, at least.”

“And maybe… tell them about the text message?” Adrien said. “So they know. And tell them what Jagged’s doing. They’re so amazing; I know they’ll support you.”

Marinette frowned. “I just… don’t want them to worry.”

“I think they’ve probably been worried since you were expelled the once,” Luka pointed out.

That got a sigh. “Yeah, I guess.” She grabbed her phone and moved toward the kitchenette.

Jagged pointed out the menu to them. “Have Marinette let Penny know what she wants. Penny knows my usual.”

While they were looking over the menu, Luka’s phone rang. “Juleka’s calling…”

He answered, and his face went blank as he listened.

“I understand. My guitar’s there—didn’t bring it with, unfortunately. Take it to school tomorrow for Adrien to grab?” He was quiet for a moment longer. “I’ll find a place to spend the night. It’ll be fine. Thanks, Jules.”

Luka let out a tired sigh when he hung up the phone.

“You can’t go home?” Adrien asked, concerned. He suddenly realized he was in a similar position—how could he go home and get back out for school. “I guess I can’t tonight either, actually.”

“The news is staking out the boat. Guess they figured out who I am, too.” Luka shrugged. “It was bound to happen—we just need to get our stories straight before we meet the press.”

Jagged broke in. “Oi, you’re staying here. The suite has an extra room. Big bed. You can share. Your pops will have a meltdown, but that’s half the point.”

Adrien stayed out late regularly as Chat Noir, but his father barely paid attention to him usually. Right now, with a very loud and obvious rebellion, he was probably giving a lot of attention to the empty mansion.

“Serves him right,” Adrien muttered.

Marinette made her way back over. “I’ll have to find a way to sneak home. Maman said Nadja is staked out outside the bakery, waiting for me to come home. She thinks I have a scoop, since I texted her. And I guess I do, but not one I’m sharing yet.”

Jagged let out an explosive sigh. “Ugh, the paparazzi doing its thing, I guess. Penny and I’ll take you home after we eat. Say you’ve been helping me plan my next album.”

“But when we release the video you’re making, they’ll know I know more.”

“Eh, but then you’ll have your stories straight. It won’t happen for a couple hours yet, probably after you leave. Pick something to eat and call the other girl, network and plan. You lot are good at it. After dinner we’ll all get manicures and I’ll get you home.”

It sounded strangely reasonable for Jagged, but Marinette seemed to take it in stride, like she was used to his changing moods. After some conversation, they decided on a variety of items from the menu to share. Once Penny had called in the dinner order, they sent a video chat request to Kagami.

She answered promptly, smiling when she saw them. “I have been monitoring your Instagram and the news being released. You’re still at the hotel?”

Adrien nodded. “The press has Luka’s place covered, so he’s staying here, and I am too for obvious reasons. Since Marinette texted Nadja Chamack, the bakery is also being staked out. Jagged’s going to escort her home after we eat and get our nails done.”

“It’s too bad you had to go home,” Marinette broke in. “It’d be fun to have our nails done together.”

“I would very much like to do that in the future,” Kagami responded. “And I will impress upon my mother your situation with that Lila girl and her threats, so that I may have some free time to ensure you are properly protected.”

Marinette flushed. “I appreciate that. From the texts I’ve gotten since sending it to my classmates, most of them believe me now. We also sent that image to two of my teachers and the principal.”

Jagged broke in here. “And I’ve got my lawyers drawing up a restraining order, so the legal end is covered.”

Kagami nodded. “Very efficient. This girl, however, may decide to do worse, perhaps going after Marinette physically. I absolutely intend to defend you, as I hope Adrien will in my absence—though it will be difficult for him to do so if you use the school bathroom.”

“Good point,” Adrien said. “I’ll use Marinette’s phone to arrange a girl squad to escort her if that’s needed. Last time Lila got her alone, she claimed Marinette pushed her down the stairs.”

Anger passed over Kagami’s face. “Marinette is to be protected, at all times. We need to decide who will escort her to and from school, as well. Perhaps someone not bombarded by the media.”

“Yeah, so not me, or Adrien,” Luka said with a sigh. “Sorry, Marinette.”

“I guess I need to go harass the school anyway. Ugh, haven’t gotten up at an ungodly hour like that in ages, though,” Jagged groused. “But if Adrien’s going tomorrow, I guess it’ll be easy enough. Uncle Jagged can make some sacrifices.”

“We also need to plan for a united front to the media,” Luka said. “We can chat through dinner, and plan at least for tomorrow.”

“Acceptable. My mother has already retired as well, so I will not be interrupted.”

They settled in to plot.

[lifeinahole27]

Oh Man... Here we go...

Okay so! I probably said a while ago that I was gonna do a bunch of shit that I never ended up doing! Well! There’s an explanation for all of that. 

Let’s start with a quick recap:

At the very end of July, one of my coworkers no call/no showed and quit. Well, there was this whole shit-crazy story that came out as her “reasoning” but it was all total bullshit and long story short, she gone. THANK GOODNESS. She was the worst. There were more shifts than I can accurately count that I spent hours trying to fix her total bullshit mistakes that she shouldn’t have still been making after six months on the job. Stuff that she was expected to do every single day and mark it off on a checklist that just wasn’t getting done, or wasn’t getting done properly. Like I said, total bullshit.

So she’s gone, and was the last pin that my supervisor would take all her angry frustrations out on. Okaaaay, so what ends up happening? Her attentions shift. And to start, it shifted to me and another of my coworkers, who I’ll name T. T and I both got chewed out one day for not handing over the phone when the gentleman asked for a manager. Now, previously, we’d been told that we should make our own decisions and we needed to stop looking at her for guidance. Kay! So I answered this call and asked if they wanted to be transferred to our GM’s mailbox. She flipped her shit at us, told us we don’t view her as management, that we don’t respect her... Blah blah blah. So I go and apologize and tell her that I do respect her and she’s the one I am always turning to when I need any kind of help or guidance. Chilly, she accepts, but I know right then and there that this is fractured and it’s either going to mend in a bit of time or completely break apart.

Guess which one happened! Over the next six months, things go to absolute shit, and in that same amount of time, I put out what has to be something close to 60 applications at other hotels, at offices, every-fucking-place that sounds good, pays well, and that I’m qualified for. All of it. I legit made it rain with my resume if that’s even possible when it’s digital.

Out of all of those applications, I get something less than 10 callbacks. Which is downright fucking disappointing. But somewhere in there I must’ve reblogged the right “you’ll get good news!” post or my mom’s prayers were answered or the universe heard my sister getting ready to fight it for me to get a new job.

All throughout this, my supervisor is going back and forth on this emotional roller coaster bullshit. One day she’s like BFFS and the next she’s literally throwing things around the front desk in anger and screaming about things that I probably had nothing to do with. One day there was a trailer in our parking lot (don’t even get me started on that policy or I’ll scream) and she’s like WHY IS THAT THERE and I snapped back that the GM was the one to OK it. 

All through this time, also, I was trying to keep my cool. To make it out without getting bitched at or screamed at or really to have her pay any attention at all to me because I was sick of it. She was instrumental in pushing me into several anxiety or panic issues, and I just wanted out. I have a post screencapped from some moment where she posted a meme on her FB about how she wishes her coworkers would do their fucking jobs when legit all of us try harder than I’ve seen her try since I started over a year ago.

In any case. A bunch of those callbacks all came in at the same time. One was for a hotel in the middle-of-goddamn-nowhere Ohio, one was for a hotel down an hour away, and one was for a sales position with a company one of my buddies works for.

The sales position would’ve been double my current yearly salary and it was in a city I wanted to work in. But the phone tag was taking a week between each call, basically, and by the time he returned my call the one time, I’d already interviewed and decided to accept one of the other job offers. The hotel in Ohio would’ve been an Assistant General Manager position which is what I originally applied to be out at my current hotel. But it was seriously in the middle of nowhere. I couldn’t do it. The apartment that I’d scoped before the interview just in case was next to a house that had a confederate goddamn flag outside of it. Nope. Absolutely not.

And then there’s the one an hour away, which I ultimately ended up accepting last Friday. I’m going to be doing the same job as my supervisor, at higher pay, at a bigger hotel, in a city. Yeah, that does feel pretty good, especially when she essentially threw a three day tantrum over the fact that I’d gotten a different job and had put in my notice. 

This includes posting up on her FB literally minutes after she must’ve found out: “I don’t think I have ever been this angry before.”

I found out later through grapevine that T overheard the GM telling supervisor that she had to stop being angry that I’d gotten a job and was leaving. Again, yeah, it feels good. 

SO! What does all this mean? Well, my life is about to become an absolute shitshow. I had to cancel going back to Enchanted con this year, which has been an absolute heartbreak. I also had and lost the opportunity to go to Boston for Ace Comic Con all in one shot. As the lineup keeps beefing up, I get sadder and sadder about what happened to my prospects for conventions this year, but I’m hopeful that a) there will be other comic-cons in the future that I can attend and b) that Jen and Colin will reunite at another convention that I’ll have the time and funds to attend. It would be super cool if it was in the US... Just putting that into the universe and hoping for a good time. 

But the good news is, that any money I didn’t spend on those two things is getting set aside for moving out of my parents’ house. And while it’s still a couple months away, it’s gonna be pretty spectacular to have my independence back and be on my own again. 

The bad news is that all this shit, including holiday depression, the death of a close friend’s father, the general downs and downs and downs of life, all pushed me to the brink with my writing. I am finally down to the last four or so scenes in my rewrite and I only took a breather (I’m at work right now) to write up this post because it’s all been dying to break out of me to talk about all of this. I’m going right back to it in a moment because I am so fucking determined to finish this fic if it kills me. And if I don’t, my beta will kill me, so it all works out in the end!

But the rest of the future is very unclear right now. I still have holiday fic bits I want to post up and soon, and of course this rewrite will enter edits after tomorrow. I’m going to have a solid week off between ending my current job and starting the new one, so I hope to get a bunch done both online and offline. We’ll go from there on everything else, though.

So look for some stuff to be posted soon, and just a general Thank You to all of you who are still here, who still read my posts - whether they are fic or not - and for the support, love, encouragement, kind words, props, and everything else. I legit don’t know where I’d be without any and all of you out there that have done something to help keep me up in a world of downs. 

I hope to be able to post writing soon, right around the corner, so I hope you’ll enjoy it when it gets here. 

[franniebanana]

CQL Rewatch - Ep 18

Note: I will be critical of Jiang Cheng in these posts. If you can’t handle that, please feel free to scroll on.

Because this arc needed more padding!

Ahem. That’s the answer to your question: “What is Song Lan doing here?” But in all seriousness, regardless of how I fee about Song Lan as a character, this part is kind of bullshit. As a staunch non-fan of the Yi City arc, I think CQL tried to place too much importance on what was really only meant to be a comparison to wangxian. There is a video I have seen of Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan watching a trailer for CQL—basically a reaction video—and probably 75% of the trailer is related to Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen. So they’re watching this trailer and Xiao Zhan goes (I’m paraphrasing), “Wow, they’re showing a lot of them.” I honestly burst out laughing, because yes! I agree! The trailer acted like Wei Wuxian was a side character in a show about Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen! I’m not kidding when I tell you that they hardly showed Wei Wuxian at all in that trailer, so it wasn’t Xiao Zhan being egotistical or anything. The trailer was absurd at best.

Stuff like this is part of the reason why I’m just…sick of the Yi City arc. I’m not going to pretend to like that creepy relationship that Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang had—I read the book, okay? I was basically A-Qing in that—horrified.

So it’s nothing personal against Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen—I actually really like their characters! But there was really no reason to put Song Lan in an already dragging arc. We don’t need anymore padding here, seriously.

ME EITHER! HAHAHAHA.

Okay, I’m done now.

Just kidding. I’m not. Another thing I don’t like is that it feels like Song Lan gave Wei Wuxian the idea to use Baoshan Sanren as part of his ruse to heal Jiang Cheng, when that should have been his idea. Stop trying to make Wei Wuxian not as clever as he is! Song Lan should never have shown up here, and the flashback easily could have been inserted anywhere around the longest fucking flashback in the whole series (ie. empathy/Yi City arc).

So, even though Wei Wuxian is about to, y’know, give up everything for Jiang Cheng, I love how his snark is back! And it’s great how nonchalantly he says, “If you don’t eat, how are you going to get your Golden Core back?” It’s like, classic Wei Wuxian—he’s back! After so many episodes of just seeing him depressed and beaten down, this is such a breath of fresh air. Of course, it isn’t to last, but I’ll enjoy it all the same.

And the look of confusion, disbelief, then joy on Jiang Cheng’s face is also priceless. It’s good to see him smiling too!

Hahaha, his expressions here are great! Like, “Is he buying it? He’s buying it!” So adorable. So fun to see Xiao Zhan’s range constantly on display in this show—he really runs the gamut of emotions.

And Jiang Cheng’s face through this whole part: like he’s gotten a second chance at life. It’s really sweet and you really have to think about what Wei Wuxian is giving up for him. Also I did not notice that Jiang Cheng was eating with this chopsticks upside down! Lolol!

So you have Jiang Cheng on one side gaining a new life, and Wei Wuxian on the other losing a life. It’s bittersweet, I think for Wei Wuxian as well. I don’t think he feels burdened by this choice at all, it’s something he wants to do because he knows Jiang Cheng so well and he loves him. He promised Madam Yu and Jiang Fengmian that he would protect Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli with his life, if necessary, and that’s really what is about to happen here. Wei Wuxian later refers to the following events at the Burial Mounds as his first death.

What Wei Wuxian is doing is very selfless: his sacrifice is motivated by nothing other than to make Jiang Cheng’s life better. He wants Jiang Cheng to be able to lead a great life, be a great leader—to have a future—even if it’s at the expense of his own life. This is completely different than what Jiang Cheng does earlier (which you don’t find out until later) when he attracts the Wens’ attention, getting caught. CQL did a good job of portraying Jiang Cheng as a character to be sympathized with: they softened him, smoothed out a lot of the edges, made him more into a character you can root for. And it’s fine if that’s the character you want to call canon. I prefer the one from the novel, who still shows through very brightly in CQL if you have that prior knowledge. So, this is all to say that Jiang Cheng partially caught got on purpose because he saw them going after Wei Wuxian and didn’t want him to get caught and killed. But the rest of the reason is because he was going back anyway. He was headed back there because he was blinded by the need to avenge his parents’ death. That’s the whole reason he was out there, remember? It was really just happenstance that he saw Wei Wuxian about to be captured there. And yes, he could have let it happen, but, c’mon, even he is not that heartless.

Just as a general disclaimer (again), these are my thoughts while watching CQL. They don’t have to be your thoughts, you don’t have to agree with them, and if you don’t, that’s totally fine. I’m not interested in having debates in the comments section of the post, though, so unless it’s something I can answer quickly, I won’t be responding to those. If you’d like to say something and you want to be answered, send me an ask.

If you thought I wouldn’t screencap this shot, then you don’t know me very well. But in all seriousness, I like this parts. It’s very, “Meanwhile, in the rest of the cultivation world….” In case you forgot about all the other characters in this show, here’s what they’ve been up to: having a war! Yes, the Sunshot Campaign is in full swing, and it’s nice to see the Nie Clan and the Lan Clan go back to their homes and take them back. Also it’s just nice to see some other characters! Like, Song Lan gave us at least something else to look at, but it sure is nice to see Nie Mingjue, Jin Zixuan, and obviously Lan Wangji again, even if the moment is fleeting.

This part is still so cool. I don’t know why, but I love these shots of Jiang Cheng slowly making his way along the path, through the grasses, up this mountain. I can’t help by think how terrifying and exciting it must be for him—he’s got a second chance at life, but there are so many things that could screw it up, so he’s replaying over and over in his head the rules that Wei Wuxian has told him. Even though I know what’s going on here, it still has a very mysterious vibe, and that bell ringing gets me every time.

I love her costume here so much! The hat, the black fabric that ripples like water—it looks so cool and creepy at the same time!

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |

[underthewingsofthblackeagle]

>>Faking a marriage before God?<< - Not “Just a lesson from the Courtroom” but an answer from the life experience of a Christian minister

“Stühle” by Hans

Consolation and Hope for the hurting hearts. Everything under the line.

         As I have taken up to comment on several things concerning OL in the past under the title “Just some lessons from the courtroom”, I have decided to comment on a post I read around the “happenings” and rumors of the last weekend - this time from the viewpoint of my other profession.

         As many of my followers know, I worked for several decades at one of the biggest district courts of my country (mainly as a Senior Administrator for International Legal Assistance in Criminal Law). But I am also an ordained minister and certified counselor of the Christian faith for (this year exactly) 30 years. And since 1991 I always worked both jobs - one as my 7 am to 3:30 pm job, the other one in the evenings and on weekends. 

         In the said post, a person asked:

         “But would they really fake a marriage before God?”*

         The moment I read the said question, I could feel the horror behind it. I sensed sorrow and hurt.

         Before I comment on that question, let me explain the following: When I came to the OL fandom on Tumblr, I was surprised by a large number of people who  - after I got to know them -  revealed themselves as people of deep faith and spirituality to me. I met people from all religious backgrounds, different denominations, etc. And let me make this very clear:          I respect all of you, every single one. Even if we don’t share the same convictions, the same kind of faith. I respect you all - and I also respect every person who calls himself/herself an atheist. Because faith, in my conviction, is a very personal decision and only a personal decision. Having said that, I like to comment on the last weekend and the said question. For an introvert like me, it is not an easy thing to post such personal things here. Please don’t think I want to preach at you. All I want is to give you the consolation that was given to me:

1. A hard truth

         First I have to state a very hard truth. 30 years of ministry have taught me, that everything holy to God and men, can and will be faked. Let me give you some examples:

I saw a man faking the Christian confession and baptism - before God! - because he wanted to marry a lady of deep faith.

I saw a man faking the Christian walk of faith, showing a very pious lifestyle - before God! and the whole parish - while he was beating his wife at home regularly.**

I saw several men and women faking a marriage before God, speaking their vows but never taking them seriously.

I saw a man faking the Christian walk of faith - before God! -, calling himself and his church “the only elect of God” while offending and humiliating foreigners and people of a different faith.

      These are only four of my many personal observations. We could go on and mention all those men (and some women too!) who called themselves “servants of God” while they were sexually abusing innocent children. We could mention the superiors of these people, who tried to hide these criminal acts before state authorities - a behavior that enabled the predators to molest and destroy even more innocent lives. We could mention the leaders of a distinct megachurch who were not willing to open their multi-million-dollar-building to help the victims of a hurricane. We could mention a high-ranking representative of “the only church of God”, flying to India first class for visiting the poor while building himself a villa for 35 million Euros in Germany (paid by the financial support of the common church member). We could mention all of those Christians, who believe they need killing machines (aka automatic weapons) because the Almighty God, they confess their faith in, obviously isn’t mighty enough to save His followers. These (and other people) have no problem to fake sacred things before God because - honestly - they only believe in two idols: themselves and the money they can get.

         All of this contradicts the Christian faith, the gospel, the teaching of Christ. All this is fake before God. All this is shameful and hurting for those, who believe and honestly and humbly walk by their faith. But there is

2. No Need for Despair, but consolation for the hurting heart          We have to face the truth. If we don’t do it and if we shamefully try to hide it, we are in danger of becoming “Fakers of the Faith” ourselves. That is absolutely no alternative! Remember that Christ taught us, that the truth has the power to set us free (John 8:32).          Seeing, experiencing, that people fake all kinds of holy things before God, has hurt and saddened me deeply, but I am not in despair. I didn't lose my faith, no, contrary, my faith in God became even stronger. Why?          The answer lies in the teaching of Christ, especially in the parable, which is called “The Parable of the Tares” (Matthew 13, 24 ff.)          In this prophetic parable, Christ makes it clear to His disciples, that in later times there will be two kinds of people in the realm of faith: Those, who are like genuine wheat and those who are pseudo-wheat. I know, many bible translations use the word “tares” or “weed”. But if you do an in-depth study of the background of this parable, you will find that the difference is not between “wheat” and “weed”/”tares”, but between “wheat” and “pseudo-wheat”. The word, used in the original Greek of the New Testament, is “ζιζάνιον” (zizanion). It is the Greek name for a plant also known under the Latin name “Lolium temulentum”, “poison darnel” in English or “Taummelloch” in German.             This plant looks like true wheat, but it can’t bear the real fruit. It is nothing but a fake! When you eat from this plant, it unfolds a poisonous effect. This can lead to dizziness, blindness and in the worst case even to death. That is exactly the spiritual effect fake-believers can have: their fake-Christianity will confuse you, tries to blind you for the truth and tries to kill your faith.   3. But how should we react to fake-faith and pseudo-believers? 

         From the said parable we learn first and foremost: Never concentrate on fake-faith or pseudo-believers! Concentrate on the truth and on the all-knowing God, who loved us so much that He warned us before it happened. God is not surprised and you shouldn't be either. Therein lies my greatest consolation. The God who knew all of this before (including the last weekend fake) is still able to change everything.         Don’t react with hate, hateful speech or with a judgemental spirit! Be aware, that by giving room to these kinds of feelings, you betray your own values and the truth you stand for. Jesus, knowing that these questions would arise, answered them in the parable:          “So the servants said to him, ‘Then do you want us to go and gather them?’ But he said, ‘No, lest in gathering the weeds you root up the wheat along with them. Let both grow together until the harvest, and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, “Gather the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn.“ (Matthew 13, 28 ff.)         It is not mine nor your duty, to judge who is true/honest and who just fake’s it. Neither you nor I know the hearts like God does. Therefore God is the only One who can justly judge everyone and trust me, He will do it. But there are also several things for you and me to do:

Don’t let the pseudo-wheat blind your eyes for the truth or for the power of God. Don’t let all of this discourage you. God in His love warned us before it happened. He is not surprised. He is still the same God, mighty to help. He can’t be shaken and He still owns tomorrow. Nothing is hopeless, nothing is lost until the last day of this dispensation of grace has ended.  

Live the truth humbly, walk in the truth daily.

Care for the fakers. They are in a dangerous place. Why? In 30 years of service, I have witnessed it again and again: Living a lie always leads to more lies and that leads away from true joy, true peace, and true happiness. One lie calls for another lie and in the end, all these lies lead to despair. Therefore, care for the fakers from depths of your heart! These people need you and your prayers! Pray for them and don’t stop doing so. Pray that the truth will reach and fill their heart again. Pray that they don’t miss the mercy and grace of God, that will lead them back not only to the path of righteousness, but to true life, true joy, and true peace.

Take the words of this promise to heart: “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.“ (Galatians  6:9)

3. A last word about the last weekend

         I don’t believe, that means I’m not convinced, that a real wedding has taken place last weekend. I will expound the reasons for my conviction in another post. This will take some time. Right now, I am busy because I stepped in for a friend who had to have emergency surgery and is still in rehab. But I will try to post my thoughts on that around Sunday/Monday.           I know this is a long post and I thank everyone who read it. Feel free to comment on this post, tell me what you think, send me your criticism, questions, etc. I might not be able to answer immediately, but I will do so asap. 

As always - from Prussia with much love, DoP Notes:   *  I’m sorry, but because my week was very busy I forgot to reblog or screencap the post. I remember the ask was in a reblog. If anyone of my readers has screen caped it or a link, please let me know. 

** When I got notice of this, I informed the authorities and they put a stop on it. 

[vrainsrewatch]

episode 19 thoughts

this is... the most screenshot heavy post i’ve made so far, lmao, so please bear with me. as i’ve said, this is one of my favorite duels, and there’s a lot that gets covered here. like, seriously, i haven’t written this post out yet but i can guarantee this will be my longest so far lmao.

the beginning of the episode starts off fairly standard, and mostly dueling:

i really do love the pacing of this duel. i was glued to the edge of my seat while watching these episodes. i remember it so clearly, too, because i’d been binge watching from episode 16 that day, and got to like, 24 by the time i stopped, lmao.

ai does a lot of cute/funny stuff this episode, to help break up some of the more dark tones of the rest of it, like this:

it really makes me miss hi in this form :( i really like his soltis form, don’t get me wrong, but i miss him on yusaku’s wrist lol. i would say when things were less angsty, but, well. lmao.

we very quickly get akira’s rad boss monster summoned out:

and seriously, i just love the animation for it. it’s so sick. the door, the fire, how it looms behind him at first.... aaaaaa. so cool.

and of course the classic:

the worst part about this line is it’s said so often (esp in arc v LOL) that i actually. have slipped up and said it in normal, day to day conversation before. my boyfriend looked at me for like a minute and gave me the deepest sigh i’ve ever heard the first time i did that pff.

also:

i couldn’t not screencap this, given what my blog is for LOL

every time something reminds me of that painful final duel, i have to screencap it and make you guys sad with me. if i have to be sad seeing all this stuff, knowing where their relationship goes and how the series ends, so do you.

also, though, i forgot how often this was brought up before the bohman duel lmao. it makes that theory look a lot more credible, so it’s cool that it had all these little hints towards it, even if it ultimately wasn’t true.

seriously, my heart. i don’t think i need to talk much about this scene to make y’all sad, but really. they went from this to i loved you. ugh, god, i’m so sad thinking about it lmao.

there is so much to talk about between akira and playmaker and even blue angel in this episode, so i guess we’ll start here.

it is hard to decide that you want to take control of your trauma and do something about it. it is not easy. to see yusaku fight for that right so thoroughly is incredible, and really, really validating.

more sadness! seriously, this is too much. this deck was created specifically for him by ai. i don’t like this anymore lmao

but even besides that, often times the protag’s decks mean a lot to them, obviously, but i love that it wasn’t built strictly by yusaku. his cards were literally made by ai, and i think that’s such a cool twist. 

but then, akira’s speech:

i talked last time about akira wanting to handle things himself, and i briefly touched on him thinking he knows best...

but i really admire how calm yusaku stays at that tbh. he gets angry, reasonably so imo, but he takes this so well. i know i was a much more volatile kid then he is, so respect lol

i’ve spoken at length already about akira, but i also want to talk again about how oblivious he is. he is so blinded by his own thoughts and feelings on the situation that he doesn’t stop to think about how yusaku might be feeling -- and worse, honestly, how his sister might be feeling.

it was why he was so visibly shocked when emma mentioned a few episodes ago that aoi wasn’t just a little kid anymore. it’s so clear that he still, at the moment, sees her as the six year old girl he swore to protect, and not the sixteen year old person she’s become. he doesn’t think about how she might be feeling towards his actions, or why she does what she does.

this is highlighted as early as episode 6 iirc, when he asks her why aren’t you happy? as much as i, personally, dislike his character, i can’t deny it’s very realistic and well written.

speaking of aoi:

i love how she’s written in this episode, too. but her entrance here is great, and i love how she stands up to him about this. it’s minor, but it’s still a good step. when she’s blue angel -- or blue girl, or blue maiden -- she feels comfortable doing that. at least a little, and it obviously grows throughout the series. i hope that transfers over to the real world for her, too.

and then, we finally get the full story:

i remember flinching when he started talking about it, remembering the shots of yusaku getting electrocuted from his duel with revolver.

i really love this. i said it last episode, but vrains handles yusaku’s trauma so realistically and it’s amazing.

i remember originally staring open mouthed at my tv screen while this part played. we got a bit of it from the other episode, but the full context truly shocked me. where’s that post that says “who thought this was an acceptable backstory to give to a card game protag” bc honestly??? YEAH

it’s still hard to watch. it’s still hard to see play out, even if it’s only fiction. even though i’ve seen these clips so many times, and written about them in detail a few times too. doesn’t matter lol. watching it in context actually still made my stomach drop.

which leads me to talk about reactions to this, actually:

the two that vrains focuses heavily on are blue angel’s and kusanagi’s, and they contrast really well here imo.

blue angel’s is a normal reaction. it’s horrified, both at the thought of it happening and at the fact that someone would actually do that to another person -- a six year old child, no less.

kusanagi’s is strained. he is angry hearing about this, thinking about jin. we’ve been told, and have seen in the last few episodes, how much the lost incident impacted kusanagi and his brother, but i really love that the show tells us that here, too, and shows the difference between hearing about a tragedy and being involved in some manner.

i did not expect it at all when first watching vrains, and honestly, it still impresses me how gracefully they handled it coming off of arc v (cough, shun i love you but really cough cough). no hate on arc v at all, it’s my third favorite ygo very close behind gx, but the difference between the two on how they handle these things is staggering.

this whole section makes me thing that ryoken talked to yusaku fairly often, after the first time. which is something i don’t see brought up often? but that’s so important imo. it meant that yusaku had someone encouraging him not just once or twice, but on the regular, but also it meant that ryoken was constantly risking himself to comfort that child. 

we don’t see too much of ryoken when he’s a kid, but we do see him scared and crying over the lost incident. the fact that he was able to talk calmly to this child so many times is really amazing. it also makes more sense as to why ryoken feels so guilty over calling the police -- he probably felt that maybe if he had just kept up his encouragement, the kids would’ve all gotten out okay and his father wouldn’t be in a coma. 

this was so powerful. it’s obvious, and i think anyone with half a brain would understand that the LI isn’t something that a kid would recover from easily, but i love this anyways. 

he wasn’t saved. and even if he was in body, it’s still something he and all the other victims will live with for the rest of their lives.

this also is something i don’t feel like people bring up enough, but does this mean that yusaku went around asking the kids at the hospital when he was rescued? it’s not hard to believe they were all put together, at least for a short amount of time, but it’s still something i feel like people overlook. 

i also love this, because it’s nice foreshadowing to how revolver feels. he’s not captured, not like yusaku and the lost kids were, but he is a prisoner. and just like ryoken saved yusaku, way back then, he is determined to repay the favor.

not just because of that, either. because that voice meant so much to him. because that voiced saved him. because that voice understood him, and was there for him in his hardest moments. god i love them.

i love this shot. it’s so dramatic, how the match the drum beats with flashes of everyone’s reactions.

but it drives home his point, and while i know most of akira’s development came through emma and aoi, i’m sure this helped, too. 

i’ve sung vrains praises this entire post, but i’ll do it again -- this is incredible. this is so realistic. it’s so well portrayed. and it’s really honest to god incredible that we got a protag in ygo who was shown going to therapy. 

ygo has always dealt with some pretty dark subject matter, and it’s never really been shy about showing it on screen. i’m not saying that at all. arc v obviously dealt with some pretty heavy stuff, and while i haven’t seen zexal (keep shaming me please) i know it does, too. 5ds obviously has the dark signer arc, and the later arcs concerning bruno and also yusei’s father, and gx has... well, it’s entire third and fourth season. 

but we see everyone healing via card games. we see those shows talk about these things, but kind of at the same time, skirt around the subject matter; or if they do go deep into it, they pull out (ie 5ds) or the characters don’t get resolved properly (ie arc v). 

idk where i was going with this but i just really love that this happened, this was shown on screen, and they stuck to yusaku’s character. they didn’t just... up and make his trauma and his world view disappear at the end. he has a bittersweet ending, but it suited him and his development. a lot of people were mad about it, and i get it -- i wanted him to be happy, too.

but that’s not always the case, and it’s really important to me that vrains doesn’t pretend it is.

anyways, though, i’m almost done with this episode i promise lmao. before the episode ends, we get this:

and i think it’s honestly kind of cruel that akira says this, after everything, and still maintains his point of handling it himself. he has heard, first hand now, how horrible the incident has scarred yusaku for life. and yet, he still is stubborn in refusing to relate or at the very least empathize.

what i mean by that, since we obviously see him attempt to last episode, is he refuses to look at it from someone’s else’s perspective or in a way that might make him uncomfortable. the way my boyfriend describes these kinds of people is that they “haven’t had their bubble popped”.

everyone has a bubble when they’re born, and that bubble shields you from realizing that the world is a cruel and hard place. even if you go through hardships, sometimes your bubble stays put, and you think that is the worst of what can happen. 

i’m explaining this very poorly, because i’m running on not much sleep and i’ve been typing about this episode for like, far, far too long, but essentially, he refuses to step out of his comfort zone and recognize, in playmaker’s case, that he doesn’t have a right to interfere and that playmaker’s desire to handle it himself is justified and helpful for his healing. and in aoi’s case, that just because he does a lot of good for her doesn’t automatically mean ignoring her for work and keeping her locked in their house is an okay trade off. and also that she’s not a child anymore -- she’s nearly an adult and she deserves to be treated as one. 

those thoughts seem to unsettle him. you can kind of see it in how detached he is after hearing all that come from playmaker. blue angel is visibly shaken up by what he’s said. akira doesn’t even flinch, because he’s not really listening right now. 

i’m glad he learns to, or at least learns how to start, later on.

anyways, i think that’s enough for this post lmao. this took forever to type up, so let’s hope i actually have time to cover up to 21 here today LOL. if you read all that, thank you for your time on my kind of dumb vrains thoughts :’)

[sieben9]

“beauty” impressions

{Quick request to anyone reading: I’m watching OUaT for the first time, and I want to avoid spoilers. So, if you want to discuss something spoilery, I’d be grateful if you could start a new post for that. Thank you!}

Well… That sure happened

Now that I am nothing more than the hollowed-out, broken shell of a person, let me share my feelings with you! But under the cut. (Fair warning: there is a lot of sadness in here. Proceed with caution and maybe a mug of hot chocolate. Also, don’t open this on mobile. I went a bit screencap-happy.)

I loved this episode? So much? I know, I was really subtle about it, and it’s possible to miss amidst all the crying but hoooly crap, this is easily among my Top 3, I think.

Alright, quick rundown of the “side plots”, because while That Thing™ is definitely at the forefront of my mind after watching, the other stuff going on was actually pretty good and important plot developments. Which, really is another point in the episode’s favour. Yes, the Halloween-plot worked well to space out the other stuff, and it provided some much-needed relief of tension, but it was clearly important in its own right, so…

Guh. Henry. You know I love you, but I will also find a way to smack you in the head with a rolled-up newspaper, because you are an idiot. …yes, I get that he feels like he just lost his family all over again, and that’s not something that inclines people to adventurous behaviour, but still. You were so close!

Instead, we get this:

Which, uh… I’m not saying Ivy shouldn’t have good things in life, because lord knows, that was a sad, sad story right there, but this also did not sound like you two will be good for each other. Neither of you really want a safe, “uncomplicated” romantic relationship, you want a family. Ivy, specifically, needs someone to who doesn’t just love her conditionally, and Henry… well, Henry mostly just needs to wake up from the curse, because what he wants will be all over the place until he does.

Still, Ivy’s moment of bravery when saying that she’ll deal with Belfrey and the others should enjoy their Halloween was pretty heart-warming. Did I mention that this lady worries me? I’m worried for her, and I am still worried about her.

In other news: I’m pretty sure I know where Hook’s daughter is, now.

the rook is a metaphor

I mean, I could still be wrong, but that seems like one hell of a red herring to put out. And it opens up so many questions! Did they meet again before the curse, or is this a horrible game of emotional keepaway? Does Rumple know who these two are to each other? What, exactly, is his relationship with Tilly/Alice? I mean, he was so ready to fight Tremaine over her, before and after he woke up, and he went into 107% Concerned Dad Mode when he thought she was hurting, so he clearly feels very protective of her, but when did that happen? How did that happen? Is she actually this “guardian” or is that Henry? Or is this just one big prophecy-screw, after all? Seriously, you’d think after that first disastrous experience, Rumple would have learned to never trust a prophecy. Ever. Why am I the only one here who remembers that??

Ahem. Anyways. Lots of potential there. I can’t wait to see how that one unfolds.

Other highlights included Weaver butting heads with Belfrey. It was glorious. I almost wish Rumple had woken up just a little bit later, because watching these two go up against each other was a pure delight.

Also, this:

presented without comment

…look, I’m only human.

I was also deeply amused by the conversation between Weaver and Rogers. Okay, maybe “amused” isn’t quite the word, because it’s clear that Roger’s cold case is how the curse incorporated his search for his daughter into his memories, so it could keep torturing him with the loss. Which, you know, doesn’t really qualify as amusing. But Weaver is the walking, talking personification of that meme “’I don’t care,’ I say, caringly, as I care way too much.”

Yes, it is immediately obvious that you do not care about anyone. At all. Not even a little.

pictured: a lying liar who lies

Really, the relationship between Weaver and Tilly might just have made it on the top of my list for this season, on the strength of this episode alone. The way this kind of terrible person cared so deeply for young woman, showed concern for her well-being, and directly jeopardised his own advantage and safety to help her just pushed aaaall of my buttons.

And Tilly’s mounting desperation to remind Weaver of who he really is, before she loses herself again was heart-breaking to watch. She knew she wasn’t getting out of this with her mind in once piece, but right until the end she didn’t stop fighting to help her friend.

…look, “help” looks different for different people, alright?

And with that…

Thanks, show! It’s not like I really needed my heart in the first place. Fantastic light, though.

So, I pretty much knew what was coming (in general terms at least), because… well, I had some warning and it didn’t take that much guessing in the first place. And I saw the “how” the moment that montage started because I, too, have seen Up.

I still cried like a hungry baby. My cat was very concerned.

please. your face. I cannot deal with this.

This was such a well-told story. They really gave it their all to show that yes, these two were happy, at the end. The montage, for one, which even for people who haven’t seen Up works as a good visual shorthand. The nostalgic clutter in the house. The fact that these two dorks still dance around the house when they feel like it. All the little gestures between them—the fond looks, the little tuck of a blanket, Rumple matching Belle’s steps perfectly as they walk out into the garden. I just… they were so happy together.

And I’m glad they told the story like this. Nothing bad happened to Belle. Her life wasn’t some inspiring tragedy or anything like that. She spent her life with her True Love. She raised her son and saw him grow up well. She got to fulfil her dream of travelling the world, and did so together with the people she loved most. And she died after a long and happy life, not in some grand, dramatic fashion, but simply because that is what mortals do. We die.

hi, is anyone else absolutely convinced that he carved that with his own two hands rather than use magic? because I am and I want to share my feelings! there’s quite a lot of them…

And just… you know, when that conversation with Gideon happens, and Rumple says ruefully that time might have stood still for this realm, but it didn’t for Belle… you just know he forgot about it. They were together, and they were happy, and he was so determined to spend the rest of his life with her that he didn’t realise what was happening right until she fell off that ladder. It’s clear they’d never talked about him using his magic to rejuvenate her before—that was the first time the topic ever came up, I think. And the last, of course.

(By the way, there’s totally a conversation about fridging to be had here, but I’d prefer that to be another post. I’m really deep in my feelings right now and I’d rather leave putting on the analytical hat for later in the day.)

Obviously, that entire death scene fucked me up. His face. Her face. The way they told each other their own story like it was a fairy tale (because it was!) Rumple’s half-sobbing “I am afraid”, because he sees the rest of his life without Belle looming before him and he doesn’t know how to do it. He never planned to, in the first place. And then she was gone, and he was crying, and I was crying, and the camera cut away, and you could still hear him sobbing in the background god why...

yes, I will be interspersing this with pictures of my OTP being happy and in love, why do you ask?

And while I’m a bit sad that I’ll never find out what Weaver really wanted, this very clearly sets the stage for Rumple’s motivations and goals this season. Because this episode, beautiful as it was (no pun intended), can’t be the last entry of the Rumbelle story. This was the end of act 2, and I insist on a third act. The stage is all set: Rumple needs to get rid of the dagger so he can be reunited with Belle, which, granted, a bit dark. Considering it means he’s going to die (and won’t that be a fun day…) At the same time… he said it himself: he’s seen the generations pass by and he doesn’t even want to be immortal anymore. He was planning to spend the rest of his life with Belle. Just because he wasn’t physically able to doesn’t invalidate the decision he made. He’ll just have to get there the long way around.

And can I just mention how damn impressed with Rumple’s character development I was? He threw away the dagger! Not in a moment of “do or die” crisis, not as part of an “either, or” ultimatum, no, he was just… done with all that. He didn’t want the Dark One anymore, and nobody had to push him into that realisation. So much for “my power means more to me than you”, huh, past!Rumple? (Also, is it just me or did it feel a little like he waited for Belle to be roughly his physical age to do that? Because it did to me, and I have a lot of emotions about that.)

though I might giggle for a while about how Belle went grey the way an Urban Fantasy protagonist would

Other highlights included, but are not limited to:

The neverending stream of loving looks, from soft fondness to full-on bedroom eyes...

Local Dork Caught Staring Lovingly At His Wife

Also, is there a version of that first scene where Gideon doesn’t show up? Asking for a friend.

The Skin Deep parallels!

did I open up Skin Deep to get that first screencap? of course I did.

Just… guh, my heart! And the poor cup got shattered.

Again.

Everything about that last confrontation between Alice (because at that point she could barely remember ever being Tilly) and Weaver messed me up, by the way. Her mounting desperation, because she didn’t have much time left. His frantic pleading, first because he was worried she’d hurt herself and then that she’d do something she wouldn’t be able to come back from.

And, of course, that last scene between Rumple (welcome back, buddy!) and Tremaine. I’d almost feel sorry for the woman, because she probably wasn’t counting on this happening. Though I would disagree with Rumple’s “there’s nothing you can do to hurt me”--you, my friend, just lied your ass off to help Tilly get out of trouble for shooting you. After waking up. Clearly there’s some people you still care about, and I can’t wait to see how that plays out, honestly.

And there’s so much more. I could just post stills of the entire montage here, really, because it was wonderful and I loved it, even as it cracked open my ribcage and held my still-beating heart up to my eyes so I could see the life go out of it.

…ahem. All right. Deep breath.

Like I said at the top, this episode actually had some important developments that seem like they will be catalysts to kicking the plot into gear. …and as soon as my emotional batteries have recharged, I’m sure I will be very excited about that. In the meantime… please send fluff?

Oh, on that note: I want to thank everyone who tagged me in stuff. You are amazing, and I am incredibly grateful! It’ll take a while to go through it all, but I do look at all the little @s in my notifications, and they fill me with joy. (In other news: prepare for some dashboard spam over the next... ::checks drafts:: three months or so.)