#I swear you can HEAR the quotation marks it’s hilarious

[ninadove]

As smart as Clive is (you can fight me on this), it is my deepest conviction that Hershel bought his bullsh*t for exactly 0 second

[justmybookthots]

Hush, Hush

The reason I read this? Because a booktuber I was following shared an hour-long video of her reacting to the entire series and I was like: hey! I read part of the first book as a teen! And since I just recently reread City of Bones (see review), why not continue my streak of rereading trashy YA relics? It's the archaeologist in me speaking, I swear. And also the masochist!

Now, after finishing this book, I have come to announce in my review that I am really, really burnt-out. 😂 It's… a lot of teenage angst. I'm only done with the first book and this madwoman pushed herself and read ALL FOUR BOOKS:

The sheer IRONY of her video title given that I read it because I saw her video, LOL.

So I don't even know how to begin this review. First of all, I definitely found City of Bones more enjoyable than this. Does it mean City of Bones is a better book? Eh. I think CoB had more things in the plot to distract me (finding the Cup, lots of magical adventure) from the main leads, but this book circles a lot around Patch and Nora. 

And boy were both of them the weirdest people to exist. 

I want to say they're a product of their time, and in a way they are, but I've also seen other books in this time that aren't this bad. Regardless, you can really see how aged the book is from this interaction here:

All the mean-girl Marcie did call Nora was "geek" and "freak" but Nora? Not just did she slut-shame Marcie, she called her an anorexic pig. This is our heroine, guys. This is who we're supposed to root for. It's genuinely hilarious how the masses collectively ignored how problematic this was in 2009.

In any case: Nora spends most of her days swooning over Patch while simultaneously telling herself how dangerous he is. I get the "dangerous" part, but the swooning? What? HOW? Other than him looking (I guess?) physically attractive, there is NOTHING about him to swoon about. He is so creepy, I swear if he said half the things he did to me IRL, I'd call the cops and file a restraining order. LIKE, I'M NOT KIDDING. THIS MAN HAS ZERO GAME. ZERO. When asked by the biology teacher what he looks for in a mate (I know. The question was already, um, hella weird), Patch says things like: 

"Intelligent. Attractive. Vulnerable."

Vulnerable?? VULNERABLE. This is Creeper 101. Also during his first meeting with Nora, out of nowhere, he goes:

"Do you sleep naked?" he asked.

There's a thousand more examples of him saying the weirdest, creepiest shit, but it'd be tomorrow by the time I list them out. My point is: if this is him trying to flirt, it's giving police sirens. And Nora's reaction, instead of running from him, is to dwell on how conflicted she is about her attraction (??) and fear towards him. At some point, she's stalking his workplace to interview his coworkers if he's a felon or has a criminal record and I KID YOU NOT, her last question ending this is: Does he have a girlfriend?

And I don't even want to talk about her best "friend", Vee. I use quotation marks because this isn't really a friend but bless the author, she seems to believe Vee is remotely some kind of friend to Nora. When Elliot (some dude in the story) assaults Nora, this is what Vee says:

Guys, Elliot is going to feel so horrible tomorrow after assaulting Nora. 🙁 Vee is SO right, we need to worry about the pain he's in instead of taking the matter of assault seriously.  Because fuck your best "friend" since Elliot is more important, am I right?

To make matters worse, Elliot was assaulting Nora to try to coerce her to go on a camping trip with him and Vee. So get this: Vee, despite hearing about the assault, STILL tries to persuade Nora to go on the camping trip because it'd be fun! In the end, Vee going for the camping trip causes Nora to have to rescue her (since Elliot is obviously a deviant), and Nora practically endangers her life to save Vee's sorry ass. Me, I'm not so kind. I'd munch popcorn and sip wine and have a jolly good time picturing Vee getting murdered. Cheers!

Anyway. Negative points aside, I didn't see the Jules twist coming, and I kinda did like that. The downside, however, is that everyone is an idiot, especially Nora. For example, the new therapist Miss Greene was clearly shady from the start—she'd say the sketchiest nonsense, and Nora would just be vaguely suspicious before taking it all in stride. It's WILD. Her behaviour for 80% of this book makes zero fucking sense. The only thing I can commend her for is that she's proactively trying to solve an investigation for most of the book... even if she's going the worst possible way at it.

And also when Patch says at the end of the book that he's fallen for Nora and no longer plans to sacrifice her? I was like, WHEN? When did you fall for her? Most of your interactions were just you saying creepy stuff and her thinking about how hot and dangerous you were. When did the falling-in-love happen, exactly?

I AM SO CONFUSED.

I don't really have more to say about this book other than I am really, really hoping we (as readers or writers) have collectively moved on from this madness in 2023. In any case, will I continue this series? I don't know. I do like trashy reality TV, but too much of it and I might get a stroke. Reading City of Bones and then this almost back to back has taken me out. (And yet… there is a distant INANE part of me that's whispering: Time to go back and reread every trashy YA series circa 2010.)

- 16 Nov 2023

[beholdthemem]

I've got some time before work, so let's see what episode 5 has in store. The visit from Lady Briarwood’s dead minions in 4 was arguably the scariest thing I've seen animated, so I'm already afraid.

Thoughts:

- "Oh man, being bad is so EXCITING!"

Sometimes Keyleth seems like she is living in a totally different genre than the rest of the party, and is still sort of adjusting. Like. Keyleth feels like somebody decided to take a Disney princess, put her in a Rated R For Gore, Nudity, And Sexual Situations tv show with the full expectations that she’d die horribly, and instead the princess decided “Well, when in Rome...” and taught herself to kill. How long did it take for her to learn how to swear?

- “...ooh. I don’t wanna know.”

“...”

“...no, that’s a lie, I absolutely wanna know! Tell me, what’s all this about?”

I completely understand why Vax keeps coming back to spend time with Gilmore, he is DELIGHTFUL.

- Is Vex the older twin? I feel like Vex is either the older twin, or THINKS she’s the older twin. Something about her interactions with Vax have this lovingly exasperated vibe of ‘Ah yes, my idiot little brother and his trusting-to-a-fault heart’ which is objectively hilarious because I think she’s the only person in the world Vax could be considered overly trusting in comparison to.

- “And here I thought you were practicing your resting bitch face.”

“Excuse me? My bitch face??”

I need to start making a list of Best Possible Things For Percy To Say In That Fancy Accent. I can HEAR the indignant quotation marks.

- Okay, I think I got it- Vax’s outlook is like. He lost a family before, but he’s gradually starting to feel like he’s found another in Vox Machina, and is looking to encourage that. Vex’s policy is that she lost a family before, is keeping fierce hold of what’s left of it, and has zero interest in adding new people to the remainder because she doesn’t trust them not to potentially fuck her/Vax/Trinket over, accidentally or otherwise. 

I wouldn’t have originally guessed her to be a control freak, but I think she is, a little? Just sort of in the sense that she went through something so traumatic and wildly out of her control early on that she cannot feel safe and comfortable unless she’s in charge of whatever situation she’s in.

- OH MY GOD, WAIT, THAT’S WHY SHE GETS ON WITH PERCY, BECAUSE HE’S THE SAME WAY. I’ve been trying to figure out why she just tolerates everybody besides Vax but seems genuinely invested in figuring Percy’s shit out, it’s because he’s the only one whose approach to life she understands, and she wants to give him the help with it that she didn’t get.

- CAN’T LADY BRIARWOOD JUST KEEP ASTHMATIC LITTLE PURSE DOGS LIKE EVERY OTHER RICH PERSON?!

- Scanlan I need you to understand that this is attached to a dog. You are frenching a dog right now. That is a new and unique low.

- “Come ON Percy, FASTER! HYAH!”

“This thing was not built for speed and DID YOU JUST ‘HYAH’ ME?!”

What is it about life or death situations that bring out the old married couple in these two? This feels like that scene from the Incredibles where Bob and Helen are arguing over the fastest route through traffic to get to the supervillain downtown.

- So the twins have a dad, and Daddy Issues to go with it. Hoo boy.

- Seeing what Whitestone’s become after hearing Percy describe the way he remembered it feels like another death.

- I knew we’d be coming back to the people the Briarwoods ‘invited for dinner’, but there was a moment there where I thought it was going to be what was left of the corpses of Percy’s family hanging from that tree, left up there as a constant reminder to the villagers of how easily Lord and Lady Briarwood can remove obstacles to what they want- and how much joy they get out of doing so. For your sake don’t be one. You’ll fail, and they’ll have fun making an example out of you for trying.

[likethetailofacomet]

Tic-Tac-NO!

A/ N: So. this is a thing that happened. I…I don’t really even know. Well, that’s not true. I do know. It happened like this. Yesterday I posted a list of ten words that had to do with my most recent WIP and @ooo-barff-oooChaos Queen that she is, decided to take all ten words and come up with scenarios about each one. OBVIOUSLY I have to do at least 5 of them now. This was one.

Pairings: Jake x Kara, Mike x Eva, Kenji x April 

Word Count: 2,138 

Warning: We’re about to get personal with Kenji and April 

It was late August and a passing summer shower beat steadily against the covered porch of the McKenzie house, the breeze occasionally blowing a droplet sideways beneath the overhang and onto one of their faces. The air was warm despite the rain and the late hour, painting the sky a deep eggplant, lazy wisps of blue-gray clouds all but dissipating as they swirled, the stars and the moon begging to poke through. Laughter and the soft golden glow of the lantern lights poured from the porch as Kara handed Kenji a beer and, clutching her own beverage, slid onto Jake’s lap. His arm came around her and he kissed the tip of her nose, smiling and whispering a “Hey, Princess,” for her ears only. Across the way Mike and Kenji were engaged in a debate with Eva and April over which of them had packed more useless junk for their moves- that day had marked the official end of the Katsaros family’s southern migration, as well as Eva’s, Jake and Kara having helped them in their exodus of New York, and they were using the night to celebrate the whole family being together. Molly and the boys along with Hideki were all fast asleep upstairs, and though the adults were all exhausted from hauling boxes and moving furniture, sweating in the sun before it gave way to the rain, they had caught their second wind from the joy of being together and the buzz of the alcohol in the beers they were drinking.

Eva was smacking Mike’s knee playfully, expressing the importance of her collection of hair products and why she’d had to stock up on conditioner from her favorite salon in New York before they left. “Mike, don’t be ridiculous,” she rolled her eyes. “That was one box, okay? How could it have possibly made a difference in the grand scheme of things?”

“Darlin’,” Mike said, tucking Eva’s long, flowing, soft-despite-the-humidity, chocolate locks behind her ear. “It was one box of hair junk, another box of makeup junk…let’s not get into your shoes…” he laughed as she slapped his knee again, eyes twinkling as they widened. “Hey!” he chuckled.

“Hey yourself, babe, you knew what kind of woman I was when you put this ring on my finger.”  She wiggled her hand showing off the diamond that she’d been wearing for nearly three years as the two of them kept their relationship up with flights back and forth from New York to Louisiana. She took a sip of her beer, her eyes dancing as she did, and he squeezed her thigh.

“I sure did,” he said, biting the air before kissing her on the cheek. Kara caught Jake smiling over at them, that brotherly look in his eyes, and she knew that he was proud of Mike for the way he’d let Eva turn his life around. She felt the smile grow on her own lips. She knew that Mike’s past was just as lonely and broken as Jake’s was, but with Eva, his future was bright and whole.

“Okay, okay, guys but hear me out now,” Kenji stood, the neck of his beer between the thumb and pointer finger of his right hand, his wedding banded left hand pointing accusatorily at April. “This one,” he jabbed his wife in the shoulder with his pointer finger and she mocked being wounded- with her super strength she had barely felt it at all- “This one just had to bring the paper copies of every project she’d ever worked on, every report she’d ever run, all the articles, all the folders full of lab work and trials and-“

“And all of our top secret information, Kenj,” April tugged at Kenji’s wrist, easily pulling the massive man back down to the cushioned bench. “Or did you forget that, ya know, we have super powers that,” she made air quotations around her next words, lowering her voice conspiratorially, “don’t exist.”

“Fair…fair point,” Kenji said, ruffling April’s thick black hair. “Alright, Darwin, looks like you win for ‘most useless junk packed by our wives’.”

Jake noticed Kara looking over at the way that Kenji was brushing his nose against April’s, and the nearly permanent way that both of their cheeks were lifted into their eyes from happiness and laughter and smiling until it hurt. He knew she was thinking about when she’d met her sister, the two of them stranded in the crystal dimension together, April so drained and weak that she almost didn’t make it home, and he knew that she was reveling in how far April had come from then, and how much it had to do with the man by her side.

“Nuh-uh,  Metal Man,” Mike shook his head. “Nope, I have retracted my former statement. Eva did nothing wrong, never does.”

“That’s more like it,” Eva said as she and Kara laughed while April rolled her eyes.  

But Kenji wasn’t letting it go so easily. “No way, man, you can’t compare redacted top secret government information and heavily guarded trade secrets to hair care products and shoes.” He took the finger he’d been pointing at April and instead directed it at Mike.

Mike was getting ready to respond when Jake interrupted. “Easy way to settle this,” he said, moving to grab the wooden box that was stashed on the side table next to the wide Adirondack chair he and Kara were sharing. He shook it and the contents rattled over the sound of the pattering rain. It was a hand carved wooden game set complete with chess, checkers, puzzles and a tic tac toe board. “The McKenzie dispute resolution method,” he said, opening the box and rummaging through the different types of boards until he found the one cross hatched with two vertical lines and two horizontal lines. “Any time Molly is arguin’ or if Princess and I can’t agree, we settle it the civilized way.” He held up a wooden X and a wooden O. “Good ‘ole fashioned Tic Tac Toe. Scrap Heap vs. Darwin. Right now.” He slammed the board down a bit harder than he meant to in his tired, happy, inebriated state, and a snort of laughter burst from his lips to mix with Kara’s tingling giggles.

“NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!” Kenji stood, shaking his head feverishly, a look of pure horror on his face as April hid her scarlet cheeks behind her hands. Mike and Eva suddenly found the slats of the porch floor extremely interesting as they averted their eyes.

“Woah, woah, woah,” said Jake, a mischievous flash in his cobalt blue eyes. Kara could tell that he wasn’t going to let whatever this was go, and she smirked at her sister as April peeked out from between her fingers. “Someone gonna explain why I mentioned an innocent game made for children and the four a you are actin’ like I suggested strip poker?” He took a long pull from his beer as he waited for one of them to bite.

“Well,” Eva started, but Mike quickly stopped her with a hand on her knee and a light lipped shake of his head.

Jake saw his friend’s attempt to silence her, and it only made him push harder. “Nuh, uh, Darwin, don’t you go tellin’ miss Eva to keep quiet. I can tell that this is a good one from Kenji’s reaction, and I think Kara and I deserve a good, funny, embarrassing story as payment for helping you all move your hair stuff and your lab reports and all your other crap, right, Princess?” he looked to Kara for confirmation.

Kara was still eying her sister, barely able to keep her laughter from tumbling out at the way April was shaking her head and furrowing her eyebrows; at the way Kenji was still standing like he was hoping he might suddenly gain the ability to fly away. “Yeah, I think that’s only fair,” she nodded to her husband before turning back to Eva. “Go ahead and spill the beans, E.”

Kenji was shaking his head muttering “nothing is sacred, I swear,” and April’s eyes were pleading with Eva desperately, but Eva seemed to be siding with Jake and Kara on this one, deeming it too hilarious to keep under wraps any longer.

“Well,” she said again, a little louder this time. Kenji sunk back down to his seat realizing that it was happening. April groaned and hid in Kenji’s shoulder. “Well, it’s funny you should mention strip poker, Grandpa,” she had taken to using Mike’s nickname for him- the only other person he’d allow to call him that until the day he actually became a grandpa-“Have you ever heard of Strip Tac Toe? Because apparently, that’s how Kenji and April settle disputes.” She looked at the Katsaroses and raised an meticulously arched eyebrow. “Isn’t that right, April?”

April was trying to disappear into Kenji’s shoulder. “I don’t wanna talk about it!” her voice was muffled by the fabric of Kenji’s shirt. He had his arm around her, comfortingly rubbing her back, that look of horror on his face fading to one of complete resignation.

“Well, too bad, Miss A,” Jake was loving this a little too much. “Looks like the secret is out.” He turned back to Eva. “Now what I really wanna know is how you two know about this arrangement,” he indicated between Mike and Eva.

Eva sighed, looking over at Kenji who rolled his eyes and nodded, seeing no way out and knowing that his brother in law was like a dog with a bone when he latched onto something that might make for a good joke. “Well…remember last year when Mike and I went to Tahiti? And Kenji and April’s apartment was being renovated so they stayed at our place while we were gone?”

Jake nodded. “Yeah, I remember,” he was resting his elbows on his knees and leaning forward, his attention completely captured by the embarrassment unfolding in front of him, taking great joy in the fact that the embarrassment was not his own.

“Well…I don’t know if you remember the detail about us having to come home three days early because of a storm in the forecast? We tried to tell Kenji and April that we’d be back early…you know, to let them know to expect us…but,” she shrugged, “they didn’t get the memo and, well…” Mike covered his eyes as if he was still trying to wipe the images of his friends’ nearly naked bodies in Eva’s living room from his mind.

“You walked in on Strip Tac Toe?” Jake looked at Kenji with a shit eating grin. “Like that time I walked in on you posin’ for Miss A like an un-masked hero?” Kenji and April groaned in harmony and Jake almost fell out of his seat with laughter. “What was the argument, I gotta know!”

“I tell you and you never speak of it again, got it?” Kenji leveled Jake with a look and the pilot held his hands up, making a face as if to say ‘I accept these terms and conditions’.

Kenji sighed. In a barely audible voice he mumbled, “It was over whether we should have Korean BBQ or Sushi for dinner.”

Kara completely lost it, Jake guffawing right alongside of her. “Oh my god, A, you two just cannot keep your clothes on, can you?”

“No, they can’t and It’s a real problem,” Mike said, pointedly looking at Kenji.

“Alright, alright, you got your story, Wingnut, you happy now?” Kenji grumbled.

“Happier’n a dead pig in the sunshine, Tin man, really. Miss Eva, thank you for your cooperation in this highly important matter.”

Eva gave in to a fit of laughter that had been threatening to burst forth from the second Jake produced the tic tac toe board. Mike followed suit with Kenji finally cracking and before they knew it the 6 of them were belly laughing as the summer storm blew right on by and the sound of the falling rain quieted until they were just left with the sounds of the night and the crickets and the frogs.

Kara felt her heart swell as he husband’s chest rumbled with laughter, as her sister’s cheeks turned back to their original shade, as Mike blinked his eyes enough to rid the images from his mind. She remarked for what felt like the millionth time about how at one point, she was nothing, from nothing, and had no one. And now, well, now she had the world right here on the porch, and heaven inside in the form of her sleeping children and nephew. Their memories were heavy on the laughter, full of the good stuff, and that was only going to get better now that they had their whole family all in one place.

tagging: @ooo-barff-ooo @sleepwalkingelite @brightpinkpeppercorn @zaffrenotes  @mind-reader1 @agent-bossypants @endlessly-searching-for-you @endlesstaylormckenzie @endlesshero1122 @indiacater @nekkidmolerat @xo-endlessmayhem-xo @cordoniantrash @akrenich @gardeningourmet @choiceslife @choices-is-life @mkatschoicesblog

[philiie]

Interactive Introverts London highlights

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD PROCEED AT YOUR OWN PERIL

This is also the most extra shit like I spent hours writing everything up lol

Go check out @danfanciesphil post here of the Brighton show which inspired me to do this :))

- When they first came it was the coolest thing ever. They were standing on the podium thing and the screen at the back lifted to reveal them in a cloud of smoke and they were silhouettes until the spotlight shined on them. Holy shit it was the best thing ever it doesn't even seem real.

- They were quite close to their apartment as well so Phil said they were considering bringing their sofa and "sitting in our browsing position".

- Dan mentioned how Phil's old videos from 2008 were very different from now (lots of audience approval) and how they were kind of really creepy and weird and honesty it probably isn't a good thing (I disagree but sure whatever). Phil talked about 'snokoplasm' and how it was literally just him rubbing slime over himself shirtless pretending to be futuristic (lots of audience approval for that lol) but he doesn't make videos like that anymore because he wants to make things that are actually entertaining and things he WANTS to make.

- Montage of everything they aren't gonna do in the show just so our expectations are levelled.

- They went backstage to get a silver box (Dan literally Naruto ran for no apparent reason) from which they were acting out the things using props from it in the centre while a voice narrated. In between each one the lights went darker so you could only see their silhouettes as they grabbed props. It was all very pantomime like which was really cool and theatrical.

- The things included: 24 hour livestream of them doing domestic home things (recording of dan on the toilet and Phil munching on crunchy nut appeared on the screen lmao), Erotic roleplay (Phil was in a policeman hat and had a baton thing while dan was in handcuffs. The recording of dan saying please be gentle, I have sensitive skin played), Stripping on stage... they started acting like they were going to actually take their tops off and they actually ripped them off to reveal an exact copy of the top underneath except Phil was now in a half sleeved shirt instead of full sleeved (I now understand Louise's joke)

- Phil stumbled and almost tripped on the step when going into the centre and was like "I almost forgot there was a step there" and was walking really strangely into the middle like elongating his legs after every time he lifted them and Dan made fun of it being like who tf walks like that. "Does anyone ever feel like Phil is actually an alien learning how humans work?" Later on in the show Phil says something about removing his lizard face and Dan says THAT would explain the weird walking. He also imitates Phil going up into the centre and says "I'm doing a Phil walk" v v cute :))

- For the Dan vs Phil segment they talked about the electric shock machines and for each round the pointer moved up one level of electric shock. The first time it moved into the yellow area and Phil said "Finger in the yellow" which elicited a massive audience reaction and dan stopped and was like oh god and Phil was giggling in his 'oops shouldn't have said that' way, somehow he made that adorable.

- The first round was seeing how well they know each other and Dan made the comment saying "don't worry guys I'm Phil trash #1 and all"

- Phil's question was: What did Dan swap alcohol with in ISG10?

Phil answered green tea correctly but the electric shock sound effect came up anyways. Dan was like no you answered that correctly it should have been a ding but the ding didn't come up anyways (lol tech crew nice one)

- Dan expressed extreme discomfort with 'x rated lester' "in any interpretation"

- Dan's bad thing was 'spoilers' and he tried to say that it's better to not be surprised. (I'm pretty sure this is the bit where he said "otherwise I'd be like 'Phil... Phil I don't feel so good'" reaching his arm out to him (infinity war reference for those who don't know,,, I could have killed him in that moment can he not) "Too soon? Yeah probably too soon."

- Phil's good thing that he had to make bad "getting unlimited money" Dan found that hilarious. His way of making it bad was that it gives you too much power- he would strap two planes together and stand on top of and ride them which would probably make them explode.

- They used the Isle of Man pic of Dan for the Dan, Phil or a rat segment (you guys know the one where he's smiling super happy) that just made me feel very warm :)

- The picture for Dan was just a really pale cream colour and Dan made the joke that it might be translucent enough to be Phil's skin but he said no I bet it's a troll and guessed rat. Turns out Dan was right and it actually was Phil's skin lmao from the picture of Phil with the silver hair dye.

- When Dan got electrocuted he fully hit his shin on one of the benches and basically died on stage. He fully snorted and turned away in shame and pain and it was the most hilarious thing ever. "Who designed this stupid set" LMAO

- Phil asks us to clap on the count of 3 after which some people immediately clap and Dan's like omg no on the count of 3. But then people start clapping for the people that clapped "are you seriously clapping for the people that just clapped" and then basically everyone started clapping and oh my gosh it was the best moment ever I've never felt more collectively part of something in that moment it was so funny and Dan looked so done with us all. A great moment.

- Someone asked in the getting deep part that there's a guy she likes but all she does is makes vine references. Phil's response to that is if he doesn't appreciate your vine references he's not worth it. Dan: "there's your dating advice from Phil"

- Phil was cleaning in 'Dan's' room (dan says "like you've ever done a chore") Phil's indignantly says he vacuums doing the hand movement. Apparently he found 'something weird' under 'Dan's' bed so he brought out a silver box that was locked saying it was heavy and handed it to Dan. [yes I'm putting that all in quotation marks fight me]

- He wanted the audience to guess what they thought was inside the box and the things that people said were: A single piece of Phil's hair, A fursuit and a Dildo(ll) rip they kept emphasising DOLL it was too funny nice one whoever that was lmao

- Phil was asking the audience if anyone had a key to open the box and Nora (what a legend) threw some plastic keys onto the stage and Phil fully tried to unlock the box using them lmao what a cutie. When Dan came back with the actual key Phil was like someone had plastic keys and dan was like wtf it was too funny.

- Do you really know Dan and Phil? 1% of people said 'who are Dan and Phil?' Lol they wouldn't stop bringing that up. 47% (?) of people said they don't really know Dan and Phil and Dan was like wow Phil why are you so shady? (He said this twice in the show when addressing the idea that their personalities are different online)

- They did a pie chart to show fave video series which apparently they were really excited about seeing as they hyped that up for a solid 2 minutes,,, "90% of the budget of the show was for this pie chart"

- Dan got sacrificed attached to the wheel of death comes out yelling with no warning so everyone is just screaming because it was so unexpected so i couldn't actually hear anything he said but the basic gist of it was fuck you all lmao.

- When Phil tried hitting him with a slinky it was a couple inches away from "the danger zone" I.e. Dan's crotch. Phil repeats the phrase danger zone two more times after that lmao.

- Dan says "almost hit my balls" w o w.

- The last time is some massive intense bazooka that Phil started stroking and then dan was like "stop stroking it- especially with those gloves on".

- Phil hits him the last time with the bazooka literally almost at his crotch and Dan screams. They say how it's all our fault and that we should feel bad. Phil is like "I don't think they feel guilty" lol I mean he's not wrong

- At the end dan was like "Phil help unstrap me" clearly looking for Phil to unstrap him around the waist but Phil went for his feet instead lmao (Dan just wanted a reaction from us Phil lmao well done). Phil finally got the memo though and helped and then dan stumbled out being like okay get away from me don't touch me and Phil just giggled.

- The white protection suit lab coat thing got stuck on dans shoe so he was hopping around and Phil was like do you need a hand there and Dan said "no Phil I don't need your help to get me undressed" and everyone screamed and Dan was like okay okay shut up (idk if that was an intentional line or not I couldn't actually tell but... nice)

- Phil's diss track happened and if you're reading this you've probably seen a transcript of it already but damn hearing him say bitch live was the best thing ever lmao. Also when he said the line about not wanting to get demonetised he did the making it rain hand gesture (thanks anon) which was hilarious

- There was a point where Dan was like no Phil you can't swear on stage and Phil was like aw why not I wanted to say "what the (fuck)" mouthing it and that's more than I could have ever hoped for

- They did the song and it was v cute and got stuck in my head. When Phil got up and sat on the piano he was swaying one leg back and forth and it was adorable.

- They ended the show bowing and went back behind the black screen that they came out from and were waving the whole way through and Phil was bending down to wave as the screen was going down and it was v lovely :))

And then I died the end.

[ortizobsessed]

Laugh It Off

This one was requested by @truly-marbella! (I’m normally not a very confrontational person so I hope this does what you had envisioned justice!)

Reader x Juice where you find out that the guys like to tease Juice, but he doesn’t like it, so you confront them about it.

Warnings: A few swears!

Word Count: 1137

Masterlist

You pulled up in front of the clubhouse to find Juice sitting at the table outside, alone. He knew you were coming to pick him up, but it wasn’t like him to wait outside. You usually had to drag him away from whatever he and the guys were in the middle of.

As you shut your car off and got out, you called over to him, “Hey Juice, what are you doing out here?”

“I just, um, wanted to get some fresh air.” He said it in such a way that you could tell he was lying.

“Mhm...” you hummed as you sat down beside him, clearly not believing him, “Alone?”

“Yeah, I just, I knew you were on your way so-“

You cut him off, “Juice, come on. After three years I think I can tell when something is bothering you.” You and Juice were alike in a lot of ways, so it was easy for you to pick up on things like that.

“It’s okay Y/N, really it’s nothing,” he said softly as he stood up from the table. You followed him with your eyes, and the look you gave him when he turned to face you clearly said, “I don’t believe you.”

“Okay, okay,” he finally caved, “The guys just, I don’t know, we just don’t have the same sense of humour I guess.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” you asked through a light laugh.

“They seem to enjoy it when I’m the butt of the joke. Maybe I should just learn to laugh it off, but sometimes I don’t think I can,” Juice confessed.

“What are they saying?” you asked, your tone a bit more serious now.

“They all seem to think it’s hilarious that I’m good with computers, like it’s something I should be ashamed of. Until they need me to do something for them...” he trailed off and looked at you warily. You could tell by the look on his face that that wasn’t the only thing.

“What is it?” you asked anxiously.

“I told them about my father, about him being black. I just couldn’t keep it a secret anymore, and they said it wouldn’t change anything,” he spoke soft and slow, “But they mention him pretty often now and-“ his voice broke.

Your mouth was in a straight line and you were staring at him, a fire growing in your eyes, “What did they say, Juan?”

“Just lots of little things. Nothing specific really, I just-” he sighed, ”You know I don’t like talking about that bastard,” Juice said, his voice stern.

At this point in time, you were ready to lose it. You knew how sensitive of a topic his dad was. He had left when Juice was just a kid, and anything that reminded him of his father struck a nerve.

“What the fuck is their problem?” you asked, finally standing up from the table, too.

“I’ve even asked them not to mention him,” he said sheepishly.

“Well, they’ve never had me ask,” you said, turning on your heel and heading straight for the door.

“No, Y/N! I don’t want to make things worse!” Juice pleaded, but you were a woman on a mission, and nothing was going to stop you.

You burst through the doors and immediately stopped in your tracks. Everyone was staring at you, a look of surprise on their faces because they could tell you were angry.

“Heyyy Y/N...” Jax said cautiously as he stood up from the bar where the rest of the guys were still seated. The only people you didn’t see were Kozik and Bobby.

“Don’t ‘Hey’ me right now Jax,” you replied sternly.

“What is this about, lass?” Chibs asked.

You paused, looking each of them in the eyes before speaking with a flat tone, “You guys need to stop picking on Juan.”

“Oh come on Y/N, he can handle it,” Tig stepped in, “We’re just joking around with him, he knows that. We tease each other all the time.”

“Well that’s not the impression I got from the conversation we just had,” you said, gesturing towards the door. “If you guys didn’t have Juice you’d struggle a hell of a lot more than you already do.”

Kozik, who you hadn’t realized was sitting on the couch behind you until now, stood up and asked, “What did we say that bothered him?” startling you.

“I think you guys are forgetting just how many times those LAME,” you said, making quotation marks in the air, ”computer skills of his have helped you track down someone you were looking for! Or how about the number of times he’s given you that critical piece of information you guys needed?!” You paused for a moment to catch your breath. “And since when is having more than half a brain,” you said as you waved your hand around the room suggestively, “a bad thing?!”

Bobby walked into the room just in time to hear you say that and he stopped in his tracks, eyes wide. The guys had never seen you angry before. You were an absolute sweetheart 100% of the time, or as they just discovered, 99% of the time.

Clay stood up and took a couple steps towards you, “It’s just guys joking around with each other. He knows we appreciate the work he does for us. He’s a part of this club, this family.”

”Well- fine. Maybe just remind him of that once in a while cause he doesn’t seem to know that,” you said, seemingly defeated. But much to their surprise, you weren’t done yet, ”The way you guys keep bringing up his father though, when you KNOW that’s a touchy subject for him? That needs to stop. NOW. Because that’s not okay for SO many reasons. And you know what?!” You looked around the room and saw the anticipation on everyone’s faces, “You’re all ass holes!” you yelled as you turned your back to them and stormed off.

That’s when you saw Juice standing just inside the door to the clubhouse, an almost amused smile on his face; he had seen the entire thing. Without hesitating, you grabbed a hold of his hand and lead him out of the clubhouse.

You were walking fast, your adrenaline still pumping. When you got to your car, you handed they keys to Juice because you were too angry to drive.

As he took the keys from you, he grabbed your other hand with his free one and pulled you gently so you were facing him.

“That was kinda hot,” he whispered, breaking through the cloud of anger that still surrounded you, making you roll your eyes and laugh.

“I love you,” he said sincerely.

You stood on your tip-toes and kissed him on the cheek gently, “I love you, too.”

[addicted-with-some-pens-blog]

murdoc meeting his s/o's dad and he loves music and he play guitar bass and all but like at first he doesnt like murdoc but after some beers they just start playing music together and singing .... and to stop the disaster s/o sings and murdoc never heard her sing

I’m sorry about how late this is! I haven’t been able to write much lately because of my living situation but I’m back in action now!

Thoughts are in italics with no quotation marks. Like this. 

Today's the big day.

You take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Murdoc notices and pulls over the car, he knows what's up.

“Just make sure to look him in the eyes. Stand up straight. You're not wearing your cross right? Shake his hand firmly, he likes that.”

Murdoc just rolls his eyes and leans into you pressing his lips to yours. Everything stops and the anxiety melts away. He pulls away and says “Everything is going to be okay, love. It's just dinner with your old man, I doubt he’s worse than mine was sweetheart. Just breathe.”

Murdoc starts driving again when the driver of the trapped car he’s double parked in front of honks. He surprisingly refrains from yelling at the other driver like he usually would. He’s notorious for his road rage.

Little did you know that Murdoc is actually silently freaking out. He’s constantly adjusting the tie you forced him to wear and his usually green knuckles are white from how hard he’s gripping the steering wheel. It's not like him to care what someone thinks of him.

I'm the Murdoc Niccals, what is there not to like? Why wouldn't the lad like me? Just because I'm dating his kid and I'm twice her age… oh balls. I'm twice her age…

He takes out a cigarette and lights it when they stop at a red light.

“You can turn right at the next intersection, we’re almost there…”

 Murdoc’s stomach drops and he takes a long pull. Fuck.

---------

Two minutes before you two arrive, you texted your dad to meet you outside. When Murdoc pulls into the driveway, you barely wait for the car to stop before you bolt out of the car and into your father’s arms and let out a sigh. “I missed you.”

Murdoc awkwardly steps outside of the car and waits for the family reunion to simmer down before he introduces himself to your dad, a huge bearded fellow, who looks more intimidating than he actually is.

You chime in before Murdoc can actually introduce himself, “Dad, this is Murdoc, we’ve been together for a while now.”

He eyes Murdoc, looks him up and down and grunts, taking his hand.

Murdoc finally speaks: “It's nice to um, sir…”

Father responds with a grunt and “likewise…” and he turns around to lead you two into the house. The green man is terrified of screwing up. He frantically whispers into your ear: “is he always so stoic?!” You roll your eyes and jab him in his side in response.

 “I hope you two are hungry! Dinner’s ready.” Dad calls from in the kitchen

You all awkwardly shuffle into the dining room when you take your seat by Murdoc instead of your usual place by your father which earns you a weird look and a sigh from dad, and it earns Murdoc a glare. Your dad serves the food and starts the conversation by asking what Murdoc does for a living. When he found out that your boyfriend is the “leader of the best band on this earth” you could swear his face started changing colors. Sometimes Murdoc has no filter, usually it's hilarious but at this moment with your father, it's terrifying. When asked about sports, Murdoc doesn't have much to say. 

However when asked about education, he surprises everyone in the room and he reveals that he is in fact Dr. Niccals. When he reveals that he earned this title, your father’s eyes lit up and he actually smiled. Then when dad asked asked what medical school he attended, Murdoc revealed that he obtained the title in a Mexican jail after taking a medical exam in an open University course that was offered. Your father is dumbfounded, and possibly contemplating snatching you up and kicking Murdoc out right then and there… This caused an uncomfortable silence to befall the table for the rest of dinner

When dinner was finished the party moved to the living room. Murdoc’s eyes lit up when he saw the beautiful Ibanez 5 string bass guitar lounging by the couch. He can't keep his eyes off of it and your father notices.

“T H E   B A S S.” Murdoc all but yells...

“You play?” Your father asks.

“Yeah dad! That's actually what he plays in the band!”

“Yes sir, and I'd sell my soul again for a guitar this beautiful…” Murdoc gives a large grin and a deep chuckle as his tongue falls out of his mouth.

Your eyes nearly pop out of your head but then dad laughs. He’s laughing! He's actually laughing. Holy shit he took it as a joke. He’s laughing!!!

“You kids hold on a bit, I'll be right back…” And dad begins to walk out of the room.

After your father left the room you hit Murdoc in the arm… “sell your soul!? AGAIN?!”

“Huh, he called me ‘kid…’” You punch him again. “Love I wouldn't actually sell it agai-” -punch-

“No stupid! I mean thank hell he didn't take you seriously!”

Murdoc’s eyes widen and he mutters:  “oh bloody Satan you're right now aren't you?”

 That's when dad walks back in the room with another bass in one hand and a pack of beer in the other.

“Go ahead and plug that one in. Give it a strum.”

Murdoc gives your dad a wide grin and does as he is told. The three of you start downing a couple of beers and they start to talk about bass guitars, music, and bands. The three things they have in common are bass, a love for metal, and love for you. They both start to jam out and sometimes one of them would attempt to sing, which never ended well because they both really suck at it.

After hearing your dad attempt to sing the chorus of Iron Maiden’s Fear of the Dark, you groan loudly.

“Wha’s wrong, love?” Murdoc asks. 

“Well of course you'd hear nothing wrong with it, you can't sing either!”

Both men look offended and dad opens another beer.

“Why don't you sing then?” Dad suggests.

“Daaaaaaad…”

“I'm not messing with ya, go ahead you’ve got a good voice…”

Murdoc’s face lights up when he hears this… “oh really? I've actually never heard you sing...” He sounds like he’s up to no good. 

“Oh shut up both of you, fine!” You snap.

Murdoc puts down the bass he’s holding while your father starts playing the iconic bass line to Under Pressure. You close your eyes and start to sing.

Murdoc’s eyes widen and his jaw goes slack…Wha’ on earth? This was kept from me this whole time?

You open your eyes to see Murdoc’s dumbfounded expression and you feel a blush creeping on your face…when the song finishes, both men clap and you find yourself blushing vigorously.Today may have started rocky, but it ended with the two most important men in your life tipsy and jamming out together. It started with anxiety but ended in butterflies. You couldn't be happier.