#I thought nothing could top the ‘eagle shark’ but here we are

[kumquats-are-gay]

How did I only JUST find out that a NEW WHALE just dropped and it’s likely to have been HEAVIER than a fucking BLUE WHALE. THIS IS SO RAD. LOOK AT THIS THING. FUCJING-

IT’S SO GOOFY, I LOVE IT

ALSO HOW DID I MISS THIS NEWS FOR A WHOLE-ASS MONTH ??????

[chyrstis]

FC5 GFH Tag!

@sharky-broshaw​ and @shellibisshe​​ were lovely enough to tag me to see what my Dep would say as a formal FC5 Gun For Hire, and after spending most of the day thinking this over instead of writing, I think I’ve mostly nailed her down! ;)

Deputy Hana Vao

With Fangs for Hire

Boomer: “Whoa there, buddy! Aren’t you a sweetheart? God, I...I really wish Rae-Rae were here to say hi to you too, and see how good of a boy you’re being.”

Peaches: “I’m a cat person. I’m not a hundred percent sure it extends to being a big cat person, but I’m willing to try.” / *in a ridiculous voice while sneaking through the brush* “Who’s an adorable murder machine, yes, you are!”

Cheeseburger: “Whoever decided it’d be entirely possible and plausible for me to spend my free time hanging out with a bear, I’d like to give the biggest high-five to, because this? This is really fucking awesome.” / “I’ve always wondered if I’d have the chance to meet a local celebrity, and now I’ve met two! What are the odds of that?”

With other Guns for Hire

Sharky

*after inviting him* “Oh, now it’s a party.”

“So, apparently karaoke night at the Spread Eagle used to be a thing. You’ve been holding out on me! *both start trading stories about signature songs they used to pick, until they both settle on one and start singing along to it* *some of it’s good, most of it isn’t*

*after a fight* “That was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Do it again.” / “Hey, Shark? How about you dial it back a little next time? It kind of got a little too close for comfort there.”

“You know what they say about any big bads, right?” *along with Sharky* “If it bleeds, we can kill it! *laughs* God, you’re the best.”

Grace

“Hey, Grace? I know you mentioned last time that I really need to work on the whole sneaking, and being quiet, and-” “Not throwing a block of C4 at every problem you see?” “...Shit. I knew I might’ve forgotten something. Let me get back to you on that.”

“Grace? If I offered you twenty dollars to shoot [a hat off of a scarecrow, a can off of a fence, the helmet off of a Peggie, etc]. Would you do it?” *Grace asks if she’s that willing to go broke* “Maybe. I still think that would be pretty cool to see.”

Hurk

*calls Hana Ms. V* “Hurk! I thought we agreed not to go with that one!” *he throws out a slew of nicknames each one more absurd than the last* “...Um, okay. Maybe that one’s not so bad after all.”

“Hey, I have to ask. What’s with the chimps?”

*calls Hana Depu-Vee and pretends to relay a top-secret message* Hurk, hon. We’re face to face. I’m looking right at you. We don’t need codenames right now.

Adelaide

“I...that’s definitely a description I never thought I’d ever hear. Or visualize.”

“Okay, so I’m only going to say this once, but...” *speaks at a mile a minute* “Fuck John, Marry Faith, and Kill Jacob, and there’s nothing left for Joseph, so just fuck him in general. Done and done.”

Nick

“I swear to God, if you ever ask me to fly Carmina again I’m going to crash her. Not on purpose, I’m just that damn bad at it, so please. I beg of you, don’t.”

“How’s Kim doing? If you two need anything at all, don’t hesitate to give me a call.”

Jess

“Jesus, you’re a hell of a shot. Shooting an apple off of someone’s head would probably be nothing, huh?” *Jess asks if she’s volunteering* “It’s not that you aren’t a badass, because you totally are, but you know how some ideas look fun at first pass, but are probably a disaster in the making? That? That would be one of them.”

In Combat

Seeing an enemy: “You got eyes on them?”

Sneaking:*snaps a twig* “Shit! ...Um, shit. Sorry.”

Killing an enemy: "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!” / *if you score the hit* “Holy shit, that was a shot!”

Reviving: “It’s okay, I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” / “Hold on! Can’t have you dying on me now.”

Hurt: “Ow, motherfucker!” / “Jesus, walk it off. Just walk it off.” / *flamethrower, or Sharky* Shit! Nearly singed my hair...

Downed: “Really, really pissed that they made me bleed my own blood here.” / “Keep moving! Don’t worry about me! *pained sound* “Fuck!”

Driving

If asked to drive: “You sure? Well, buckle up and hold on tight. I promise I’ll try and be gentle.” / “God, this is really making me miss my bike.”

Reckless driving: “Jesus, now I know how Grace feels.” / “And here I thought you’d leave the stunt driving to old Clutch. I’m game if you are.”

Changing radio stations: *starts singing along if Barracuda’s playing* / *’if Oh John’ starts playing* “...Fucking asshole.” *sings an off-key, ‘bold and brave’ before making a sound of disgust*

Idle

“Hey, hon. How’re you holding up? Better than me, I hope, because I could really go for a cigarette. Might have to bum one off of Sharky the next time I see him.”

“You know, I’m not from around here. I’m from Detroit. Moved around a lot when I was young, so I don’t remember it well to begin with, but my mom took a lot of photos of it. Kept them all in a photo album for me to look at when I was older, and always told me we’d head back there someday to check them out again ourselves. ....Well, I’m about 95 percent certain that when the cult burned my apartment down, it might’ve taken that album with it. Pictures of those places. Of her. All of it up in smoke, just like that. So, here’s hoping there’ll be a Detroit left after all of this, depending on whether or not Joseph’s talking shit, or actually right. Because I’d really like to have a second chance to see all of that. And have a chance to honor her too.”

“I’m a city girl, so the silence out here is...it’s a little overwhelming. But I’d gladly take it over the sound of gunfire. This place is beautiful, and the kind of peaceful you don't really appreciate until it’s gone.”

Hard to believe I wouldn’t have ended up here at all if the Sheriff hadn’t taken a chance on me. He’ll say differently, but there’s a reason why Staci called me-calls me Rook, and why Joey always took the time to answer every single silly question I had. I didn’t have a whole lot of experience before heading here, and...they made it all worth the risk on my end too. Made me feel welcome when anyone else would’ve just shown me the door, and I’ll do damn near anything to get them back.

Location-Specific:

By any body of water: *voice pitched higher than normal* “Hey, you’re not-that’s looking pretty deep. Think I’ll um, hang close to the shore just in case.” *wanders around it, but never enters it*

At the Spread Eagle: *hanging close to either Mary May by the bar* *Mary May jokes about Hana spending more time talking to her than drinking* “Hey, I’m sparing you both the bad dancing and the bad flirting! Trust me, you don’t want to see either.” / *if by the jukebox in the back, can be found swaying to whatever’s playing*

After liberating the Radio Towers: “I really need to talk to Wheaty about getting Queen on the radio here, because we’re suffering from a real lack of that. Tell me you wouldn’t be ready and willing to kick all kinds of ass after listening to them for a bit.” / *near a Wolf Beacon while it’s blaring* “Jesus, Jacob really took a page out of every horror movie here, didn’t he? Note to self, stay far, far away from these at night.”

In the Henbane: “You want to trust your eyes. You also want to trust your ears, and every last bit of sense you’ve got, but here? You can't. And that honestly scares the shit out of me.” / “You see Faith too, don’t you? Right at the corner of your vision before you blink and she’s gone? Word of advice? Don’t approach her or talk to her. You’ll like what she has to say at first, but...not so much the wolverine taking a piece out of you afterwards.”

At Seed Ranch by the Boat Launch: *if present when Sharky drops the dingus line, she starts giggling until she snorts*

In Holland Valley: “Can you do me a favor? If you ever decide to do a little redecorating - like, say, make modifications to a giant, white three-letter sign up in the mountains - take me with you. Because pissing John off’s really what keeps me going, and lighting that ‘Yes’ sign up would be a thing of beauty.” / *later when John calls post-destruction she mouths, ‘Oh shit’ while 100% making this face:

Tagging: @amistrio @ma-sulevin @shallow-gravy​ @foofygoldfish @guileandgall​ @ofravensandgenesis​ @fadedjacket​ @seedlingsinner @teamhawkeye​ @redroci​ @risenlucifer​ @tomexraider​ @finefeatheredgamer​ @narcis-the-monk​ @scarlettkat86 @hawkfurze @raisinghellinotherworlds @fromathelastoveritaserum @shelliechen and anyone else that’s interested! I’d love to see your GFHs, so totally tag me if you do!

[ultraklll]

Tony Miller as a Gun For Hire! Tagged by the lovely @envyfelled ! Ty! This was super fun! Also, I'm on mobile, so sorry for the garbo formatting! (Fun fact, tonys voice claim is laura bailey as fiona/fem!boss)

Paired With Fangs For Hire:

Boomer - "Heya buddy!" followed by excessive scratching behind the ears | "Fuckin' love this dog, can sniff out a peggie like shark sniffing out blood. Good trait to have! Awfully convenient too…" | [patpatapatptpataptap] | "Atta fuckin' boy Boomer!" When she sees him get a kill | "Who's a good boy! Who wants to kill some cultists!" | "Wanna play fetch? Rip out their necks?"

Peaches - "Good girl…" | stealth gang stealth gang | peaches: mows down peggies/tony: a baby!" | "I jus' think it's funny that when we went to the Henbane, we picked up a cougar, Addie, an actual cougar, Peaches, and joined a crew called the Cougars… Just'a thought," 

Cheeseburger - "This reminds me'a Vegas pride, saw plenty'a bears there too" | "Kinda ironic to find you in Jacob's region, all things considered," [snickers to herself] | [PATPATPATPATPATPAT] | "Get outta my pockets! These snacks are mine, not yours!" | "You remind me of those like, beware of dog signs, but the dog is always a sweetheart who'd rather play with a home invader rather than attack them," 

Paired With Other Guns For Hire:

Jess - stealth gang stealth gang stealth gang | Jess has a MASSIVE crush on Tony. Everyone can tell. Tony knows | jess: guns are fucking lame and the sniper rifle is the cowards weapon/ tony: uses a sniper rifle/ jess: actually sniper rifles are cool as fuck | "Good shot Jess!" "S-shit, um, thanks, Tony," 

Grace - sniper gang sniper gang!! | [steals a headshot Grace was lining up] "Cmon Gracie, thought you were meant to be Olympic level!" | highly competitive, do a shot whenever they get a perfect headshot to die instantly | smug top solidarity | also heavily depressed solidarity 

Adelaide - [acts like she's not sleeping with her nephew even tho Addie knows she definitely knows] | Tony is either constantly laughing or constantly face palming over the shit addie says | have gotten into an argument once bc addie said john was a top 

Nick - "What's up eye in the sky?" | [flirts over radio] [flirts over radio] [flirts over radio] [fli | Nick: speaks/Tony: god I just love the way you fucking talk | often talk about kim together | "Can we have a barbecue at your place once these fuckers are dealt with?" | [pretends not to be bitter the Deputy got to help deliver Carmina and not her]

Sharky - "Heya baby!" | [constant back and forth flirting. It's embarrassing] | any second they're both not talking is a second they're making out | Can and Will go john wick on some peggy ass if he gets hurt badly | "Do you wanna have a sleepover?" "Lemme ask my momma," | she calls him Charlie :> | loves him so so much they're just constantly talking about anything and everything | literally like A Comedic Duo. Have together for certified funnies

Hurk jr. - "Junior! This'll be just like Kyrat!" | competitions about who can shotgun a beer faster every 4 seconds | WILL tell you stories about their time in Kyrat together | Tony has punched Drubman sr in the nose before and she'll do it again | "Hey Tony? You still in contact with Ajay?" "He sends me a royal postcard every now n' then. Apparently it's boring being king, and his only solace is that his new bodyguard is cute," 

In Combat: 

Seeing an enemy - "Fucker in my sights," | "I got a bullet with your name on it… actually I don't, who the fuck has time to carve names in bullets, but you get the idea- im just gonna shoot you now" | "You're dead on arrival, shithead," 

Sneaking - "You'd think me sneaking is counter productive because I'm 6'4 and have a very loud gun, but you're the boss Dep," | "Shhhh… we're huntin' shitheads… Heard it in a game," | [shoots alarm boxes] "You ain't allowed to call your friends, you're all grounded," | *peggy triggers alarm* "Fuckin snitch!" 

Killing an enemy - "SKULLCRACKER!" | "I just don't miss!" | just fucking headshot after headshot after headshot | [sucks in breath through teeth] "God damn I'm good," | when shes not using her Wifle (wife rifle, a 45/70) she's being FUCKING EFFICIENT with her ak-ms or just blasting ribcages open with her shotgun

Reviving - "Up you get, baby," | "You ain't dying on me that easy, Dep" | "Not today Satan!" | "You gonna let some unwashed asshole kill you?" 

Hurt - "Motherfucker!" | "That's another scar I'll tattoo over," | "Thank god people find scars sexy," | "God fuck that's smarts!" 

Downed - "Dep! Give me a hand?" | "Clean up on Aisle 4 needed!" | "Don't worry about me, just bleeding out over here, no rush," 

Revived - "Drinks on me when this is over Dep," | "Thanks babe!" | "I'll kiss you when we get outta this mess," | "I owe ya!"

Driving: 

Entering a vehicle - "Lemme take over I'm a way better driver than you," | "Floor it!" | "Hang on I've got a mixtape, just hope I havent fuckin' crushed it," | [takes the opportunity to roll cigs] | *peggies roll up* "Keep her steady!" [leans out the window and headshots the peggie on their ass, causing them to crash the car, like that isnt the coolest shit you've ever seen] "Aight cool,"

Reckless Driving - "Watch the fuckin' road asshole!" | [desperately tryna grip the wheel so she can take over driving] | "STOP THE CAR! I'LL JUST FUCKING WALK!" | "Are you tryna kill us?! Fuckin' swap seats now!" | tony is the designated driver bc one she's fucking good at it and two shes also a really bad backseat driver. Just let her drive 

Changing Radio Stations - "Now don't tell Charlie I said this but some of the peggies music is actually good,"| "John's a prick but his music taste is fuckin' good," | [punches radio in when Only You comes on] "...Sorry… Force'a habit…" | "Bold and brave my ass, John looks like he needs help getting spiders out of rooms and wears fuzzy pink bathrobes," 

Idle: 

"Man, John's a freak, and yeah I mean that in the sexy way. Someone who demands so much outward control whilst being a shithead little brat likes to get trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey and stuffed like one too. Don't give me that look Dep, I'm right and we both know it," 

"That dude Jacob ate was called Miller?? God, that could've been me if I was much older and way uglier!" 

"Faith just makes me fuckin sad man. She's been manipulated and groomed into this life by fuckin Joseph- she's so goddamn young too. I'm not gonna tell you what to do Dep, but that's just my two cents,"

"Joseph's the worst kind of man- a manipulator. He tells you what you wanna hear, targets the misfortunate who have nothing left to lose, builds a fucking army out of em. The other heralds I'm ok with arresting, but Joseph's got to go,"

[Lights cig with either her fancy lighter or by striking a match on the bottom of her shoe] "Don't start smoking, Dep,  bad for your health," 

Location Specific: 

Testy Festy Aftermath - [pinches bridge of nose] "Not again…" | "Anyone got a water and like, 3 aspirin?" | "Ain't the first time I've woke up passed out in a field, won't be the last," | "Did we at least get a photo from the night? I've won the competitions here for the last 3 years in a row now, I'm not fuckin missing one cuz of these peggies," 

Falls End - "Fuckin shame to see Falls End like this, but Mary May and Jerome will take good care of her now weve got it back, they always do," | "Think we'll get free drinks for life at the Spread Eagle when this is all over? Actually, we probably won't even get free drinks for week, so for life is wishful thinking," | she enjoys playing with the singing fish on the front of the speed eagle and keeps tryna convince Mary May to let her take it for herself bc tony goddamn miller has the biggest singing fish collection in the entire county 

Seed Ranch - *loud whistle* "this place is swanky as fuuuuck… Not that big a fan of all the dead animals though…" | "IS THAT WEED ON THE TABLE? Johnny boy you fuckin' hypocrite!" | "Oh he's definitely got a secret room behind one of these bookshelves, like a home torture room? Oh my God, what if he has more than one...?" [starts frantically pulling books off shelves] | regarding his shelves with peggie memorabilia [takes baseball bat to it] | [pretends she's never been here as she frantically stuffs any of her own belongings she might've forgotten here into her bag]

Entering the Henbane - "Don't trust a goddamn thing you see here. You think you see something you're not supposed to, hit it," | [swinging at bliss induced angel/animal/faith visions] | "Can we try savin' Faith? Don't feel right killin' her, she's so young…" | "Can we go to Sharky's place? I left some stuff there that could be worth picking up,"

Hope County Jail - "Sheriff Whitehorse has always been a good man to me, Dep. Would appreciate it if he lived through this," | "I always feel like a giant whenever I come here, everyones like 5'3. Virgil, Tracey, Charles, all shortasses," | "I think it's cute they gave you a little pin! You're part of their Pride now! Or whatever the cougar equivalent is to a lions pride… do Cougars even travel in packs? Aside from when Addie used take the girls out for drinks,"

Entering the Whitetails - "Always feels like something's watchin' you in these woods. Keep your eyes peeled," | "Always felt like there's something in these woods that there ain't supposed to be…" | [Shifting from foot to foot] "Can we get a move on? Aint'a big fan of standing around waitin' to get shot by some fuckin' sniper with a bow," | [watching Jacob's video punishing Pratt] "I'll fuckin' get you outta here, Stace… you just gotta hold out a second longer," | [about all the dead bodies and 'you are meat' graffiti] "Love what Jacob's done with the place," 

The Wolfs Den - "Eli Palmer is a good fuckin man. Kind, smart, careful and ruthless against peggies. We've made a good friend here, Dep," | "Heya Wheaty! Got a few more vinyls for your collection! They're all my own though, so be careful with em," | "I don't think Tammy likes you that much Dep. I don't think she likes much of anything anymore, other than attaching jumper cables to Peggy's nipples… Oh god, my piercings hurt thinking about it," 

Joseph's Island - [hand firmly on rifle grip] | "Creepy, evil motherfucker, had him pegged right from the start. Well, not pegged. I'm not pegging Joseph. I'd rather stick my dick in a ceiling fan then go anywhere near him- I'm just gonna stop talking," | "You know what? No one else has asked it so I'm gonna- where the fuck does Joseph sleep.  In the church? In one of these houses? In the dirt somewhere? What if he hangs upside down from trees like a bat?" 

[puroresu-musings]

NJPW KING OF PRO-WRESTLING 2019 Review (Oct 14th, Tokyo, Ryogoku Kokugikan)

El Desperado Comeback Match: El Desperado & Yoshinobu Kanemaru vs. Roppongi 3K  ***1/4

Tanahashi 20th Anniversary Match IV: Hiroshi Tanahashi & Tomoaki Honma vs. Togi Makabe & Toru Yano  **3/4

Tetsuya Naito & Shingo Takagi vs. Taichi & DOUKI  *1/4

Jushin Thunder Liger vs. Minoru Suzuki  ****1/4

IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Title Match: Will Ospreay (c) vs. El Phantasmo  ****1/2

Hirooki Goto, Tomohiro Ishii & YOSHI-HASHI vs. Jay White, KENTA & Yujiro Takahashi  **1/2

IWGP U.S. Title Decision Match: Juice Robinson vs. Lance Archer  ***1/4

Tokyo Dome No.1 Contenders Contract Match: Kota Ibushi vs. EVIL  ****

IWGP Heavyweight Title Match: Kazuchika Okada (c) vs. SANADA  ****

Photos.

This was a problematic show in that it suffered several misfortunes due to Typhoon Hagibis, the worst typhoon to tear through Japan in a generation, and this caused both Jon Moxley and Zack Sabre Jr to miss the show due to not being able to get into the country. As a result of Moxley not being able to make the show, New Japan stripped him of the U.S. Title, and the belt was declared vacant, with Juice now taking on Lance Archer in a decision match. Beyond this totally unforseen and unpreventable natural disaster, the show had an issue in that it didn’t offer anything especially interesting from a fresh match stand-point. Beside the long-teased Liger/Suzuki bout, it was a card full of matches we’ve seen before, granted matches we knew would deliever, but still, it hardly got me really excited at the prospect. A probelm New Japan’s been facing this entire post-G1, pre-WK season. However, those matches we knew would deliver did, so on the whole, despite being somewhat disappointing, it was a very enjoyable supershow.

The returning El Desperado lead his team with Kanemaru to victory over Roppongi 3K in a hot opener, which saw the masked man get the win over SHO after he took the whiskey in the face off Kanemaru, and Despy nailed Pinche Loco at the 10:44 mark. Tanahashi hit the High Fly Flow to pin Toru Yano in a fun, but unspectacular 9:43 doubles match to celebrate his 20th anniversary as a wrestler. It was weird seeing Tana in a totally nothing old-timers match. The Naito/Shingo vs. Taichi/DOUKI tag match was by far the worst thing on the show, and it ended in a DQ when Taichi nailed Naito with the mic stand right in front of the ref. Taichi laid Naito out with a Last Ride in the post match. I honestly couldn’t give a rat’s ass about another match between these two. Then things got great with the long-awaited Liger vs. Suzuki battle. This wasn’t the crazy brawl they’ve been teasing for months, instead it started as a mat based grapple battle, then turned into a Strong Style grudge match. At 55 and 51 years respectively, these guys worked an excellent match with incredible emotion. They started hitting each other really hard, with Liger, in Battle Liger garb, laying in the Shoutei’s and Suzuki coming back with hard strikes and forearms. It looked like Liger might get the submission win with the Brakes Special arm submission, but Suzuki escaped and locked in a sleeper. Liger scored a very close near fall with the Thesz Press, then hit his Brainbuster finish, but again Suzuki kicked out. After hitting his trademark big dropkick, Suzuki floored the masked legend with a stiff forearm, then hit the Gotch Piledriver at the 17:38 to end this. In the post match, Suzuki nailed the Young Lions with a chair, then threatened to hit the helpless Liger with it, but instead threw it away, kneels and bowes to Liger in a sign of total respect as Kokugikan went crazy. Liger thanked Suzuki over the house mic as he left his final match at Ryogoku Kokugikan. This was great.

The Junior Title Match followed and it was pretty damn crazy. They were out there for 28 minutes and hit so many crazy spots that its impossible to remember them all. Whilst it was my favourite match of the night, I can’t help but feel they maybe did too much. It reminded me of those Adam Cole NXT main events that I just can’t get away with in that they hit so many big moves that weren’t the finish, it became a bit beliveability-stretching. Now thats out of the way, this was a tremendous encounter. The story was that ELP in the early going decided to eschew his evil ways and play the honest babyface, which of course everyone knew was bullshit. After attacking the eyes and hitting frankly brutal back rakes, Ospreay sent Phantasmo into fellow Bullet Club member Gino Gambino at ringside. This lead to them brawling through the crowd, where Phantasmo hit a massive balcony dive. Back in the ring, ELP tried the tree-of-woe-nut-stomp, but Will countered into a Spider German. Ospreay escapes a CRII on the apron and hit an Oscutter off the guardrail whilst Phantasmo was still on the apron, which teased a countout, but ELP ate a huge corner-to-corner dropkick as he enters, and Will gets a near fall with the Shooting Star Press. After Ospreay scored a near fall with Oscutter, Taiji Ishimori ran out, but was sent packing by Robbie Eagles. This allowed ELP to hit a dick punch and a belt shot, then hit the Big Splash, but Will kicks out. A Styles Clash from Phantasmo gets another near fall, then he hits the V-Trigger, then attempts One Winged Angel, but Ospreay rolls through into a cradle for a near fall. Will gets a near fall with Essex Destroyer, then gets crotched as he tries to go up top. Phantasmo tries the super Frankensteiner, but Ospreay turns it into a massive sitout Powerbomb, hits Hidden Blade, then retains the title, and finally avenges his losses to Phantasmo after putting him away with Storm Breaker. As I say, I thought this was great stuff indeed, but it got a bit silly, and I mean PWG levels of silly, by the end.

The six man that followed was the epitome of an OK bout, with the focus being on White and Goto, KENTA and Ishii tearing it up, and Yujiro looking frankly terrible out there in this one. Goto won for his team when he hit Takahashi with GTR at the 12:27. The match for the now vacant U.S. Title followed, and was made a No DQ match (the planned Moxley/Juice encounter had the same stip). This felt utterly superfluous as there was no reason for this to be No DQ, and the plunder spots felt forced. Much of the match was spent setting up furniture, which hurt it slightly. Juice suffered a nasty looking dislocated finger along the way here. The finish saw Archer hit Black Out into a pile of chairs for a close near fall. The big man became infuriated and slammed Juice’s head into the pile of chairs repeatedly, then applied the EBD Claw to win the title at 14:58. Before he could do anymore damage, the returning David Finley ran out and hit his Stunner on Archer, so thats The American Psycho’s first title programme. Interesting. Kota Ibushi avenged his G1 defeat to EVIL in his successful defense of the IWGP Briefcase in another great match. This wasn’t as good as their G1 outing in July however, and personally speaking, the show felt as though it was starting to drag by this point. This started slow, but built into a hot closing stretch with loads of great counters. The King Of Darkness gets a near fall with Darkness Falls, but Kota counters into the Bastard Driver, and scores a near fall of his own with a Last Ride. Ibushi tries Boma Ye but EVIL turns him inside-out with a huge Lariat counter. The STO is turned into a Straight Jacket German, and EVIL hits a Half Nelson Suplex, then tries another Lariat, but Ibushi counters with one of his own, hits a V-Trigger, then Kamigoye for a super close near fall. Ibushi lifts EVIL up and hits another Kamigoye to keep the briefcase at the 24:05 mark.

And in the main event, Okada and SANADA squared off for the fourth time this year in a major bout. This was an excellent match, no doubt, but it had several things going against it. Namely that its the fourth match between these two this year, it was probably never going to live up to their G1 encounter, and no one could feasibly have believed SANADA was going to win this. Indeed he didn’t, but he still put in a great effort. However, I’ve been saying this for years now, and this match just cements this with me, but he needs to drop that Skull End as a finish. It just isn’t a believable submission in the slightest. The amount of times he locked it on in this particular match really jumped the shark, especially when it never looked good, and no one bought it. This was a long, story-based match that went 37 minutes and felt every single second of it. It started really hot but slowed to a very methodical pace, and by the end, I was very tired indeed, so perhaps I’m doing this a disservice. This featured tremendous counters sequences. SANADA turned a TKO in to Skull End but Okada reversed into a Tombstone attempt. SANADA reversed that into a Tombstone of his own, then nailed the TKO for a near fall. Cold Skull locks on Skull End again, Okada freeing his head, but SANADA kept locking on Skull End. He laid there in the hold for what felt like an eternity and Red Shoes really tried to sell us that he was going to stop it. Okada finally fought free and counters a SANADA rolling elbow into a Rainmaker atempt, but SANADA turns it into another Skull End attempt, but Okada hits a dropkick to the back for the double down. Okada with a dropkick, but SANADA escapes another Rainmaker, and locked on another Skull End. SANADA with a Moonsault to the back, rolls the champion over and goes for another, but Okada gets the knees up. Another goddamn Skull End is applied, but Okada escapes by walking up the turnbuckles and hitting a Tombstone. SANADA escapes another Rainmaker and scores a fantastic near fall with the Rolling Leg Clutch. Okada arm drags his way free of maybe the 47th Skull End attempt, and SANADA ducked another Rainmaker attempt. The finish saw SANADA again try Skull End, but Okada turned it into a Fire Thunder Driver, then hit the Rainmaker to finally retain the title.

As I say, this was an excellent match, but it started to lose me by the end. The post match however, was incredible. As SANADA lay on the mat crying, knowing he’s now 7-1 against Okada, the champion sat next to him giving him a thumbs up. This is the sort of believable emotion that sets NJPW apart rom almost every other company. Okada cut a promo in the post match saying he believes one day, these two will main event the Tokyo Dome. We’ll see. This brought out Ibushi, and Okada noted that Ibushi has avenged his G1 losses, but Okada, who lost to Golden Star on the final A Block day at Budokan, has yet to do so. Okada then said Ibushi was overlooking him in wanting to become a double champion, when theres no way he’s getting past Okada on January 4th. They then pretty much made the main event for the first Dome show official, and Okada thanked everyone for coming out in the midst of a Typhoon, and noted that its the wrestlers job to give the fans the energy to carry on through such adversity.

NDT

[thethirdencore]

Eagles and Jimmy Buffett in Minneapolis, June 30, 2018

Here's my complete review of the Eagles concert at Target Field in Minneapolis, MN.

Now that I've gotten my thoughts together about Saturday's Eagles concert in Minneapolis, it's time to post about it!

First off, I want to mention that the venue of Target Field was... hectic, to say the least. There was seemingly one entrance to the whole stadium where everyone had to file through and go through bag checks and metal detectors. Apparently there were over 42,000 people at the show, so you can imagine the pace of just getting through the line to go in!

It was incredibly hot, surprisingly, for a Minnesotan summer day. Jimmy Buffett even called it "tropical." It would have been considered uncomfortable and almost unbearable if the anticipation of seeing the Eagles play hadn't set in. But, Jimmy Buffett came first as an opening act, and thankfully arrived promptly to the stage right at 7.

I'm no "Parrothead," but I found Jimmy and his Coral Reefer Band's set to be enjoyable. He played all of his recognizable hits, like "Cheeseburger in Paradise," "Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes," "Come Monday," and "Margaritaville." He also played "Knee Deep" and "It's Five O'Clock Somewhere," songs that were originally recorded with Zac Brown and Alan Jackson, respectively. I was also impressed with his cover of Crosby Stills and Nash's "Southern Cross," a crowd-pleaser that brought everyone together to sing along to the chorus, as well as Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl." He also included the live rarity "Gypsies in the Palace," which he attributed beforehand as a co-write with his late friend and former neighbor, Glenn Frey.

Walking around the stadium and seeing the droves of fans, I found it striking that so many of them had on Margaritaville t-shirts and parrot hats. One guy seated in my section was swinging his hips to "Fins" wearing a belly-baring tube top, a skirt, and a hat piled high with an assortment of fruits. He looked like the mascot for Chiquita bananas!

After reading the review of the show in the Pioneer Press, I was surprised that the reviewer called Jimmy's music "terrible." Are his lyrics filled with deep meaning? For the most part, no. But his music is something enjoyable that you can get up and sing along to. It's also the first show I've seen where the crowd bops beach balls back and forth throughout the whole stadium. Something about that was oddly appealing to me, even though I got hit in the face with an errant ball not just once, but twice. 😂 His set just gave off a chill, easygoing vibe that I think set up the Eagles show pretty well. And I'm sure Jimmy doesn't care one bit that the Pioneer Press called his music terrible... I'm sure he's laughing all the way to the bank, considering he's got a successful Broadway musical to his name, as well as Margaritaville retirement communities and his own Land Shark Lager beer.

FUN FACT: According to the Wikipedia article on "Parrotheads," Timothy B. Schmit was the one to coin the term during his tenure with the Coral Reefer Band.

Now, onto the Eagles set. They opened the show promptly at 9 PM with "Seven Bridges Road," which I thought was a great song for an opener; it was a song that I thought should have been in the set list for the History of the Eagles tour. The three remaining Eagles' voices meshed with new voices Vince Gill and Deacon Frey perfectly, and it shows that they've really been working at perfecting the harmonies in this new phase of the band. The second song was "Take It Easy," which introduced Deacon Frey on lead vocals. Later when Don introduced Deacon to the crowd, he said, "We are particularly delighted, our hearts are full, and we are grateful to have Glenn's son Deacon up here with us." The crowd erupted into applause as Deacon emerged into the spotlight to soak it all in for a few seconds, wearing a Minnesota Twins jersey with "Frey" emblazoned on the back. As the applause died down, Deacon thanked the crowd and went on to say that he had spent some time in Minnesota before, saying, "My dad used to take me fishing in Brainerd." Some can recall that Glenn played a concert with Deacon in Brainerd in 2008 at the Manhattan Beach Lodge. It was probably one of the first, if not the first time that Deacon took the stage with his dad publicly. Fast forward ten years, and that young man's playing in front of 42,000 people at Target Field! I'm sure Glenn would be so proud of how cool, calm, and collected Deacon is onstage! He delivered solid performances on "Already Gone" and "Peaceful Easy Feeling," and I honestly believe that he's perfectly capable of handling more of Glenn's songs in concert.

The third song was "One of These Nights," and I was honestly in awe that Don Henley could still hit those high notes almost spot-on, after all these years! Next up was "Take It To The Limit," which introduced Vince Gill on lead vocals, and, in my opinion, it was perfection. He seemed to hit all the high notes just right, and I would venture to say that it's the best I've seen the song performed since Randy Meisner sang lead vocals on it in the 70s.

Can we just talk about how great Vince Gill is for a second? Not only does the guy have the voice of an angel (seriously, look up his solo work if you aren't familiar with it), but he can keep up and hold his own playing guitar licks, too! I'm thrilled that he's playing with the Eagles now, because I've been a fan of his for a long time. His backing vocals add something special to the mix, too, especially on songs like "I Can't Tell You Why," where he's singing harmony to Timothy's lead vocals. Vince recorded his own version of "I Can't Tell You Why" for the Common Thread album of Eagles covers, and that's a great listen, too!

Some reviewers have said that Timothy's voice sounds "rougher" than it used to, but in my opinion, it still sounds really good. As I said before, Vince and Timothy's voices compliment each other well, and Timothy gave great performances of "I Can't Tell You Why" and "Love Will Keep Us Alive."

I was pleasantly surprised to hear a track from Long Road Out of Eden played at this show, with Deacon and Don trading lead vocal duties on "How Long." I actually captured a video of the full song, so I'll post that soon. It also shocked me that Don didn't sing as many songs as he used to during this tour, but instead chose to stay in the background, playing drums. I suppose this is all by design, to get the audience acquainted to the new faces in the band, but I still missed hearing him sing songs like "The Long Run" and "Victim of Love." Still, his live renditions of "Witchy Woman," "Life in the Fast Lane," and "Those Shoes" can't be beat!

Another welcomed surprise was the addition of a Vince Gill solo song to the mix, "Don't Let Our Love Start Slippin' Away." Vince traded a few guitar licks with Joe Walsh and Steuart Smith, and the audience ate it up. I heard a guy in the stands behind me yell, "Atta boy, Vince!" Atta boy, indeed.

Speaking of guitar riffs, I should mention that this latest incarnation of the band has not just one or two, but THREE skilled guitar players between Joe, Vince, and Steuart. I have no other words to describe Joe's playing on Saturday except that he kicked ass! In my opinion, he's got to be one of the greatest guitar players of all time, and it still shows to this day when he just blows everyone away with his guitar licks. From "Funk #49" to "Rocky Mountain Way," Joe had the audience up and energized!

Just to mention a few random tidbits:

•Don began the show by saying, "We are gonna play about two and a half hours of music for you... because we can!" 👏 👏 👏 I was so relieved to hear that the Eagles are still a band that plays 25 awesome songs every night!

•The horn section is back in action! They played a big part in the performance of "Funk #49" and the instrumental horn introduction to "Hotel California."

•Since I mentioned "Hotel California," I'll mention that NOTHING beats the sound of 42,000 people singing right along with Don, and the rhythm of that fantastic guitar duel between Joe and Steuart... absolutely nothing!

•The screen graphics for this tour are pretty cool. Songs that had graphics that stood out to me were "Witchy Woman" and "Hotel California." Both gave off a creepy-in-a-good-way vibe, with "Witchy Woman" panning past scraggly-looking trees and barbed wire fences in a night lit by a full moon, and "Hotel California" passing through the empty, tiled corridors of the mysterious hotel. My description doesn't do it justice... just go see a show to see it in person!

•A photo of Glenn was projected on the screen at the end of "Peaceful Easy Feeling," and I came close to crying. Not out of sadness, totally, but for the fact that Deacon was up on stage, doing such a great job of keeping his dad's legacy alive.

•The main difference I noticed between this show and the one I had seen when Glenn was alive was how much I missed Glenn's jokes. Now the joking is almost solely Joe's thing, and I miss hearing, "This was written for my first wife, Plaintiff," before "Lyin' Eyes," among other things.

•I also miss Glenn's band intros. We all know that Glenn was an illustrious master of ceremonies at Eagles shows, and he always took the time to introduce each and every member of the band, along with where they were from.

All things considered, the Eagles still know how to put on a good show, even without Glenn. Moving forward with Deacon and Vince singing Glenn's songs is keeping his legacy alive for future generations of Eagles fans. And while things will never be quite the same without Glenn, I'm sure glad that these guys chose to continue playing together, "because (they) can," and I can't wait to attend another show!

[italicwatches]

Animal Sentai Zyuohger - Episode 43

Okay, let’s squeeze this in. It’s Animal Sentai Zyuohger, episode 43! Here we GO!

-We begin in the Big Bow, where Azald is playing darts. With nobody else playing the Blood Game, Azald is out of urgency-fucks to give…But Genis reminds him that Kubar’s little rebellion was absolutely a fine entry in the game. You’re going to need to outdo it to get anywhere…

-While down on Earth, Misao arrives at the cabin, having finished his proper hospital release! And he’s brought Mario a fine gift, a top-notch whetstone for his carving tools.

-Of course, the zyumen don’t know Christmas, so Yamato has to explain the holiday to them, much to Mario’s bogglement…But the idea of a Christmas party has everyone fully engaged…When the girls grab Tusk and Leo and they’re off. Because they realized they haven’t done right by Mario. This man took them into his home, welcomed them into his life, treats them like his own family…A Christmas present might just be a small gesture, but it’s a symbolic one, and one they’re going to live up to.

-Opening!

-Episode 43: The Christmas Witness

-So thus begins the hunt. Their first effort is a lovely knitted sweater. …Except they don’t have anywhere near enough scratch to buy it. Leo and Amu indulged in foods, and Tusk spent not only the spending money that Yamato and Mario gave him, but his part-time job check, on books. It’s not like he knew there was a gift giving holiday coming up!

-But then, a vibe. What’s coming down? A devilish painter of an MotW, who puts emoticon masks on people that won’t come off! And he can even paint things into existence, like a Buddha statue manifesting in the middle of the street and causing a bunch of crashes!

-Our four arrive, already transformed…Aaand get a samurai sent after them. A samurai, a monk, and a clown! One of these things is not like the other. So the MotW makes his escape, while they finally fight off the painted foes…

-Back at the cabin, Yamato and Mario are putting up the Christmas tree. They haven’t had a party here since Yamato was a little kid…And then out comes the question about the others going back home for New Years. It’s…Complicated…

-Mario figured it was complicated. …Are they in a situation like yours, Yamato? No, no. Yamato’s staying away from his home. They…They can’t go home.

-…Whatever happens, Yamato, you can tell him anything. He’s always got your back.

-Back with the others, they’re grumbling about their lack of success in war and in Christmas both, when they pass by what looks like a stationary shop selling Christmas cakes? Surely you’d want to get your holiday goods from a bakery…

-But the owner comes out because this IS a bakery! That monster just painted over it with the facade of a stationary shop! And now he’s got no customers, at what’s supposed to be his busiest time of the year!

-And then Amu gets a plan. They need work, you need sold cakes, pay them to take a stock down to the park and sell them old school.

-And that’s how they find themselves down at the park…But nobody cares. Okay, they need a gimmick. …Right, fuck it. All out? All out.

-Which is when Misao races into the cabin, because big trouble! Check the news! …Oh god the others are selling cakes in full animal costumery. Why?!

-And to make things even messier, Mario has to go jump on the next flight to Canada! Why Canada?! To get a very rare wood at a very good price. Have fun with yourselves and he’ll be back before New Year’s, he promises!

-So that’s two absurd wrinkles in one shot, as Yamato and Misao have to go see what these ridiculous idiots are doing at the park…And…

-And, they’re actually having a lot of fun, and everyone seems happy, and Yamato can’t help but think, this is how it should be…You know?

-They’re soon back at the cake shop, with a hearty pay…And then it’s to the store to buy that sweater. …But they forgot to account for sales tax, and are literally like 500 yen short. FUUUUUCK. But Yamato finds them, and he’s got the difference, guys. And no complaining. He owes his uncle at least as much as the rest of you. …But the bad news is, he’s not going to be there for the party. He’s heading overseas for a few days. …Nope nope NOPE he is getting this sweater before he goes! Come on they gotta catch him!

-Of course, then they get vibes. And the MotW is on them! Welllll shit. This is, quite possibly, the worst time. Yamato and Misao step up, and the rest of you keep going! They’ve got this guy!

-…And then Azald corners them. Mother fuck! And that’s when Mario hears explosions as he’s heading to the airport, and turns to investigate and make sure people are okay…

-When the entire crew is rocked by explosions, their armors failing…And Mario sees his nephew and friends faced down by horrid monsters! He’d got to do something to help them!

-They’re angry enough that the animal faces come out, and all the things that Mario thought were tricks of the light were nothing of the sort…And Instincts Awakened! Champion of the soaring sky, ZYUOH EAGLE! Champion of the surging waves, ZYUOH SHARK! Champion of the savannah, ZYUOH LION! Champion of the forest, ZYUOH ELEPHANT! Champion of the snowy drifts, ZYUOH TIGER! Champion of the world, ZYUOH THE WORLD! Animal Sentai, ZYUOHGER!

-This planet, is under their protection! Eagle charge in, and Mario remembers that hero saving his life…And realizes, his nephew’s been fighting all this time…

-Instincts Awakened! Gorilla brings out the big guns, and The World flips to WOLF for cover fire to deal with Azald! While the others go Beast Unleashes on the MotW, cutting into him from all sides as they throw down a zyuman-only finisher! The masks, the facades, it all finally breaks as he falls…

-Which just leaves Azald. Well, until he calls for Naria to bring on a Continue. Which she pops into the slot before anyone can stop her, of course. Wellllll shit. And he starts painting mega mooks into existence! And lots of them, too! So this is bad.

-The World gets sent to back them up, while Gorilla flips to WHALE! He’s got Azald!

-Animal Kingdom Combination! WILD TOUSAI KING! Mecha fight. The mooks just keep on coming, which makes things even more complicated…

-As Whale manages to put a shot into Azalea’s chest that locks him up…But as soon as Cube Whale comes in and he sees Azald, he just starts firing full force into the bastard! Azald’s forced to pull a retreat, until Whale manages to get his partner to focus….

-Back at mecha scale, Complete Animal Combination! WILD TOUSAI DODEKA KING. Even bigger mech! Mecha fight. ZYUOH DODEKA DYNAMITE STREAM! Explosion!

-And Mario is very boggled. Most of all, why Yamato didn’t tell him about any of this…But he’s got to focus. Get that wood, come back, have a real talk with Yamato.

-In the aftermath, they didn’t manage to get their present to Mario in time, but they’ve still got plenty of hearty food and friends to share it with…Though Yamato keeps thinking of that moment in the park. Could that moment come to pass again…? …He can only hope.

-Credits!

Real talk I totally did not expect him to actually be surprised. But I do wonder if we’ll get to explore that character side of things next time, to say nothing of the mystery of Azald, next time in episode FORTY FOUR of Animal Sentai Zyuohger! Wait for it!

[leo-dale19]

Tap-dancing flame man (short story)

Chapter 1

He can be seen on the shores every night as the sun sinks into the ocean on the nearby horizon. He bristles with flaming porcupine spikes of love emanating from his body, and maybe someone out there knows who he is. I have dreamed of him time and time again, yet his physical appearance is of no surprise - he is there and it is the Now. He puts on a pedoskitis (that’s a foot dance in Universal Love) in rhythm to the stars, who he seems to hold paralysed in fear in the exact same places on the carpet-black night sky, sparkling nails, hammered into a blank carpet by the song of the red dolphins. To be stuck in time is a horrible fate to suffer, but you may still be telling unknown entities you have never known very vital things.  

Sound waves sometimes travel across the island’s landscapes, they climb mountains with agile ease that would put most mountain-trekkers to shame and reach their destination in record time, but noone’s thought of a corresponding reward for their sonic boom efforts. Davy once looked at me weirdly when I asked him if he was thinking of breaking the speed of sound, and Joey’s lethargic greeting is another memory from galaxies ago that still remains fresh in the memory. If you listen closely, you can hear the animals whisper, and the sun’s light at all times of the day, although especially towards the evening as it sets, reflects it straight into my heart. I can feel a burning sensation if I pay attention to it, otherwise it is merely a minor sensory irritation on my walks along the coast. I can hear him tip-toeing on the spot at high speed as he resurrects the past in the burning oxygen around him with his unusual artistry. I can feel and see the molecules of 2017 combust into cluster bombs of 2011. 

I thought of inviting him to the cinema the other day, there is a film-room nearby which we can teleport to if we just focus on our right hand. It’s as easy as that. But the easiest things in this life are the hardest things to realise, and God would never have it any other way. There is nothing we truly want from this life, you can only kid yourself for so long. I’m sure he would understand, but the emotional space in interaction is more important than the intellectual content - I know he would agree. Some people just take on synesthesic sacredness instantaneously,  they’re naturals. The room is spacious and in the corner there is always one of two brothers reading a book I keep meaning to look at, although I know how funny it is already - I read it over his shoulder with eagle-eye vision and have a good memory for specific extracts. I lived an entire life blind until a miracle was done to me in a torture camp and I could see the colour green greener than ever before. The people who conducted the operation told me not to swear, but words have a physical life of their own and just knowing that they do what they do is the best way to express your deepest thoughts. But in the end, everything’s simple and all complications are merely a distortion of the essential. I often wondered whether one could take the simple and convert it back to its initial complex form, but I laughed, thought about why I find that funny when other times I would not and let the thought be syphoned away into one of the few memory holes left in my head. There aren’t many, and the light from the Spinoza soldier on the horizon keeps shining through them. 

I decided I would pay him a visit soon. The red sharks could be sensed in the distance dragging down Eliot’s human voices, but Alfred Prufrock never said they would shriek so loud. Heartbeats and a D piano octave. Spinal Tap said D major was their favourite key to write songs in, but they are from a pre-period of awakening, merely a prelude. Dylan Thomas’s chains still rattle on the waves, but they merely splash transiently ephemeral bubbles like he intended. 

Ancient civilizations ( They seem to always come from islands, is there no depth on the intense land?). They sleep with you at night and respond to your phone calls. The ones in your dreams, of course. The sunrise allows you to see how the bay’s whistling slides on aquamarine tails, upwards and spiralling down.  

Chapitre 2

J’ai la soudaine envie d’écrire ce deuxième chapitre en Francais. Le mode de communication intérieur ne change rien au mélodies des dauphins au loin de la fenêtre, mais c’est le seul phénomène constant sur cette île momentanément monotone et mystérieuse. Je recommence à ressentir ces brûlures cardiaques, elle m’enrhument assez souvent. Le chaud a tendance à donner froid, tel est le destin des frileux d’esprit. 

Je me souviens littéralement de tout les moments et aspects de ma vie antérieure, mais sans aucun désir d’y retourner. Никакого у меня нет желания порвать с этим миром! comme je me suis dit à voix haute en descendant les escaliers de la gare Cornavin sur cette nuit horrible, où la fumée envahissait mes oreilles de tous les côtés et d’anciens anges me paraissaient démons, tellement ils étaient devenus crudes et terrestres. Mais cette exclamation en russe contradit entièrement ce que j’essaie de dire, mais en même temps pas entièrement - ce passé vit avec moi éternellement, mais l’ayant sacrifié au Dieu de la Sérotonine il occupe maintenant un espace beaucoup plus adapté a ses proportions et étendues. Je ne suis pas dans l’état le plus lucide non plus, mais cela fait tout partie de l’image générale. Les planches du Canada résonnent dans les parages avec leur spectrum tout de suite reconnaissable. 

Je n’ai jamais aimé l’admettre, mais il y a eu certaines périodes ou j’éprouvais un sincère mépris pour mes amis qui se droguaient avec leur susbtances. C’était, il ne vaut pas la peine de le cacher, une sorte d’élitisme spirituel entièrement éhonté, mais surement cela venait plutôt du fait que ces nuages toxiques semblaient me persécuter à tous les coins, plutôt que d’avoir quoi que ce soit à voir avec les personnes elle-mêmes. Mais le mauvais temps a tendance à influencer le monde intérieur, vous savez.  

Il y’a des recoins de la conscience humaine qui abondent de salons rempls de fauteuils rouges qui fondent vers l’essence des choses comme de la guimauve éthérée, un bac à sable de l’enface au sucre d’orge. Un des plus grand dilemmes à perturber mon esprit concernait le fait que si tout désarroi et mécontentement origine dans nos propres limitations personelles, à quoi donc servent les autres gens? Ce paradoxe louphoquement solipsiste m’a autant rassuré qu’inquiété. Mais peut-être qu’a la fin, les simplets ont raison - un mélange de tout est nécessaire. You gotta have a little bit of everything, как любил поговаривать мой лучший друг всех времен, самодовольный русофоб Simon. Я его люблю и вся боль, причиненная мне им только сделала меня сильнее. 

Ma fascination avec tout ce qui se trouve à l’est de l’Allemagne me mystife jusqu’à aujourd’hui. Mais je trouve que ce chapitre est déjà allé trop loin (serais-je conscient de ma présence comme écrivain d’un monde imaginé?) et j’ai intention tout simplement de sortir, voir les meilleurs ami non de l’homme, mais de John C. Lilly dans la baie du seigneur. Le Dieu de la Sérotonine me surveille de la haut, mais il sait qu’il n’est pas le début, il est tout simplement une réincarnation de ma vérité. Une accidentelle métamorphose qui a pris place sous circonstances incroyables. Même dans les camps de concentrations et chambres à gaz, l’on peut crier de joie de la découverte du tout-puissant. 

Notre ami flamboyant tape toujours aussi ardemment des fieds. Le soleil se lève mais ce dernier voit en le soldat de la Spinoza son créateur, et non l’inverse. On a toujours besoin d’un plus éthéré que soi. 

Chapter 3 

What year is it? 

2017 feels more 2007 2008 2009 2010 and 2011 than it does like any of its neighbour years that preceded it. The first two chapters of this were shameless stream of consciousness, the strawberry flavoured guitar walls of noise are the priority now. Blonde Redhead’s with their wavy mix of seasons remind me of a girl whose hair I’d like to smell. However, my thoughts feel far more structured than usual and so the haziness of the first part of this story may or may not be repeated. Always the Now, isn’t it? I will die in the coming days. It is the thought with which I start this day, announced by the monolith sun rising on the horizon.

Or maybe I should tell you the truth.

The truth is that I am dead already. This is where I went after that day I ended my consciousness.  Chapter 4

Tanya Kravchenko. A chocolate-coated exotic slav name resounding across the nostalgic hallways of the Donbass Arena in Donetsk, which I have never seen. Past autumns and the wonders of growing up and discovering the world. The cold wind in this parking lot brings all that back, topping it up with a dull grey sky for full beauty.

You must excuse me if any inaccuracy in my story suddenly occurs. I have yet again gotten soap bubbles up my nose. It is a memory from the Serotonin God that finds its way into this purgatory eden and can disrupt the Universal Love consciousness at undesirable moments. However, no damage is permanent here. There is too much love in the air for that to happen. The oxygen on this island is really just molecules of pure love, you breathe, inhale and exhale and it flows right through you, like rain.  

The Serotonin God, if you’re wondering, is what eventually led me to putting an end to my mind. What led me to the event I am describing. 

I had so many reasons to have an incredible life. I was blessed with godly consciousness from day one, quite literally. It came bursting through when I was 14-15 and I realised I could already die happily. Which I do still think is what happened.

It was nearing 1400 hours, the time at which I had scheduled my final appointment with anybody on this earth - my old bus driver from my schooldays, who once told me it was a shame they didn’t see me around anymore (after I went off the grid for the first time).

And yet I did not die, and the Serotonin God still lives.

He just never stops, does he? Look at those feet go. That man in the suit with my name is in the distance, he lives in that French town I brought here from Earth with my love. In the summer you can sometimes see massive fires come from there, but everyone is so unbelievably happy in the dome of consciousness, sailing their boats and riding their racers. Des vieillards en bérets qui jouent à la pétanque, qu’ya t’il de plus Francais? Разве что эйфеловая башня с бутылью роскошненького вина, но увы, придирчивым здесь места нет. Перед всей мощью всеобъемлющей любви, все одинакво бессильны. And yet how he sways! What a sexy groove. Qu’elle divague, cette vague. Evitons-donc d’être trop vague.

The Riverside Stadium, that stayed on Earth. Would love to go see Middlesbrough play.

Chapter 5

Sometimes when I look out onto the beach, I feel I can hear him calling out “Don’t worry, Leo! It was all real! It’s all real! The Serotonin God lives!” as he tap dances away in flames. And he looks so happy in his world, as if dancing in his хоровод to the sounds of Kid A. And we were all just so blissfully happy, hand in hand on the grass… That is who I once was. And somehow, all these years later, I have lost it all and am on the verge of death. I write this all now for I am still in a relatively lucid state. “It was all real! Believe! Universal love awaits after death! Have no fear!” How blissfully peaceful and present he seems. There goes my clarity of mind again. I was in a beautiful world in the supermarket today. The Serotonin God is proof that one can always radically change one's consciousness, expand it to previously unknown extents. How bizarrely I remember that day in autumn 2015, that was the near perfect serotonin god, listening to that electronic artist from Nyon and feeling like I had transcended all suffering, and yet felt insecure about this unknown substance. How strange.

 What is interesting too is the story of the Tap Dancing Flame Man. Here is what I have gathered of it based on his occasional singing on the shoreline. 

 Chapter 6 "Will all those whose mothers are alive step forward JOHNSON WHERE THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING" - it was with this punchline that John Hannon set the cantine table in raptures, an all too popular military joke told far too often in these parts.

The tale of the Schizoid Man

There is a popular song around here; although to call it popular, perhaps, would be a mistake. Only 4 lines of it are known. But known they are by everyone. It goes:

Death seed, blind man’s greed

Poets starving, children bleed

Nothing he’s got he really needs

21st Century Schizoid Man 

For a long time, it was thought the 2nd line said “all it’s solving, children bleed”, and some still sing it that way, instinctively. 

The Schizoid Man, according to local legend, is a being made of pink fire-red ecstasy, however only of the masochistic kind. His form of ecstasy is inherently superficial, yet the intensity of it convinces him of its depth; often, the most tortured are the most naive. How unredeeming and unfair, isn’t it? 

Chapter 7

They’re all still there with you, Leo. You haven’t lost any of them. Besides, you will see it all again after death, exactly as it all happened. The Crown Plaza Hotel remains holy. 

This is what the spirits tell me as I look out onto the island.  Suddenly, I am visited. 

“Leo!”

I turn around, it is me. Another me. Immediately, I can tell it is the Me I wanted to be. The parallel universe I wish I had experienced. 

“Stay alive. You will live my life after you die anyway. You must make the most of what you have. The present moment is still king. If you focus on the right hand, you will get better. Eternal ecstasy is everywhere. Wolfgang Voigt loves you. Ulrich Schnauss too. That evening in Berlin will never be forgotten. The pink aquamarine tunnels of dolphin ecstasy, Ulrich knows of them too.”

I am flabbergasted. 

“Take me to your world!” I beg him

“Sure. And you will experience it as me.”

And thus, he leads me to an EVA pod straight out of 2001 A Space Odyssey

Chapter 8 

Los Angeles, USA 

It’s so sunny here, goodness. Today, I have several important musical dates. I am meeting Flea. Incredible. All these years after the RHCP adventures of 9th grade, I am finally meeting the deities responsible. One Hot Minute. So many questions. Need to ask him about that solo on Nobody Weird Like Me too.

[twh-news]

When asked what fans can expect from the latest instalment of Thor, director Taika Waititi somewhat unhelpfully says it will be “Taika-esque”.

Asked if he could perhaps describe it in literally any other way, he laughs. “I can’t! There’s no way!”

As far as whetting the appetites of Marvel fanatics goes, it’s a little counterproductive. Thor: Ragnarok will be watched by many more people who are familiar with the franchise than those who know Waititi’s work – but this may be the film that makes the New Zealand director a household name.

The big-budget Thor is a far cry from the Flight of the Conchords, of which Waititi wrote and directed a few episodes, and from What We Do In The Shadows, the 2014 vampire mockumentary he made with Jemaine Clement. And it’s almost the antithesis of Hunt for the Wilderpeople: the family friendly little-Kiwi-film-that-could, which was a surprise hit at box offices around the world last year.

But while the types of projects may differ wildly, his treatment of them – the bit that makes them “Taika-esque” – doesn’t. Even Waititi’s government-funded anti-drug-driving campaign, Tinnyvision – made in collaboration with Snapchat in 2014 – has the same warm, sly humour of his features.

And yet, after 41 years’ experience of being “Taika-esque” himself, he still struggles to describe it.

“If someone asked, ‘What are your films like?’, the best I can come up with is that they’re, like, a fine balance between comedy and drama. And they deal mainly with the clumsiness of humanity.”

Well, that’s definitely true of Tinnyvision.

As evidenced by his decision to set Ragnarok outside the Marvel universe – a ballsy move, given the size of the fandom and budget in question – Waititi is one to do things his own way. And it’s paying off.

Hunt for the Wilderpeople reportedly made as much as US$23m worldwide (with takings of more than $8m in its home country) and spent some eight weeks in the top 10 at the Australian box office. It placed among the top 100 films of all time on Rotten Tomatoes, where it is 97% “certified fresh” from 171 reviews, and was the New York Times and LA Times’ critics’ pick, as well as Empire magazine’s film of the year.

“I knew it would play well with audiences, I just didn’t know if anybody would have any idea how to market it or sell it or get people in cinemas to see it ... It’s not like [New Zealand is] known for churning out really big blockbusters every year.”

At home, Waititi has gone from hit to bigger hit. His first feature film, the oddball romantic comedy Eagle vs Shark, was nominated for the grand jury prize at the Sundance film festival in 2007 – as was his second, Boy, in 2010.

He may not be quite as big a celebrity as his long-time collaborator Clement, with whom he won New Zealand’s top comedy award as the Humourbeasts in 1999, but he’s close. And when Hunt for the Wilderpeople became the highest-grossing local film at the New Zealand box office in May last year, it broke Boy’s record. (At the time, Waititi called it “the happiest and saddest day of my career”.)

In late February, Waititi was named the New Zealander of the year. I ask where the honour ranks in among nominations at the Academy Awards and Sundance and wins at festivals in Berlin, Edinburgh, Hawaii, Melbourne, Taipei, Toronto and Warsaw.

“It’s up there,” he answers. “There are a lot of nominations for things I never won and this is something I actually did win – it feels like I’ve followed through on this one.”

Waititi’s Academy Award nomination came in 2005 – before any of his feature films – for his 11-minute short Two Cars, One Night. He infamously pretended to be asleep during the ceremony.

That outsider’s mentality has persisted, despite the successes of the interim 12 years. The best picture fiasco of this year’s Academy Awards was “great”, he says. “I loved it. I thought it was hilarious ... They take this stuff so seriously, don’t they? It’s almost like launching a rocket into space.” Sam Neill: New Zealand cinema is 'like nothing else on the planet' Read more

Keeping a home far away from Hollywood has been grounding for Waititi; it’s hard to get caught up in all the glitz and self-importance from New Zealand, where he and his family are based. He has two daughters, aged four and one, and a stepson with his wife, the producer Chelsea Winstanley.

But another way to look at his geographical distance is as a buffer, or a safety net. You can always go home again – and why wouldn’t you, when you’re already a massive success there?

“Having had pretty much four successful films at home, I know there’s an audience for my work,” he says. “A lot of people are trying to get out of their home country and think ‘making it’ is if you’re able to work in another. For me ... I’d be quite content to keep doing my own little films down there for the rest of my filmmaking career.”

The New Zealand Film Commission will be glad to hear that, I say.

“That’s why I said it,” he replies.

That may all change, with Thor: Ragnarok set to be by far the biggest commercial success of his career to date. (Thor: The Dark World made $644m worldwide in November 2013.)

With Cate Blanchett, Jeff Goldblum and Wilderpeople star Sam Neill joining Chris Hemsworth and Mark Ruffalo, anticipation is high for the third instalment of the franchise – not least because Waititi, with his background in indie comedies, was such an unusual pick.

The day we speak, the first stills from the film have been released, with Blanchett, Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson in character on the cover of Entertainment Weekly.

Social media is delighted with Goldblum’s turquoise eyeliner (“If the new Thor film is nothing but Goldblum sitting silently looking like this, then I will still see it six times,” says one tweeter) but mixed on Hemsworth’s short hair.

Waititi is unfazed: “Crazier things happen to Thor than new hair.”

His apparent lack of reverence for the Marvel universe – illustrated in part by the mockumentary-style teasers that have been released in the film’s lead-up – led Forbes to call Ragnarok the studio’s “wild card” for 2017; others have taken it as a vote of confidence in Waititi’s pitch.

“Why am I excited for Thor: Ragnarok?” wrote film critic Sarah Marrs. “Because Taika Waititi talked Marvel into overhauling an entire franchise, AND THEY LET HIM.”

Waititi says. “I’ve always felt that I wanted to make a Marvel film ... I just want to make sure I’m not making an episode.”

With the film due out in November, he will be based in Los Angeles until the end of the year. For the first time ever in his career, he has an office, he says. The challenge seems to be battling against his short attention span.

“With Thor, I’m trying not to do any other things. ... There’d be nothing worse than the film not being as good as I think it’s going to be because I didn’t spend enough time on it. I don’t want my focus pulled away, as it usually is.”

Still, he admits he’s starting to make plans for life after Ragnarok, considering which of four of his own scripts to tackle next – “something super-fast and a bit more carefree”. A werewolf spin-off of What We Do In The Shadows and the stop-motion animation Bubbles, about Michael Jackson’s pet chimp, are also on the cards.

Waititi likens his approach to filmmaking to a buffet. “I want to try every little every thing from either end. I don’t want to go straight to the chicken. I’ll put some grapes on the plate, a bit of gravy and mix it all up.”

But that analogy – the mixing of the grapes with the gravy – suggests an indiscriminate approach, when Waititi is picky about what projects he takes on – particularly when others’ ideas tend to interest him less than his own. Ragnarok was not the first big-budget Hollywood script he’d been sent, he says – it was simply the first he’d felt moved to take up.

Waiti wrote the first script of the Disney animation Moana before opting in 2012 to return to New Zealand to make What We Do In The Shadows. He’d just had a child. “I basically didn’t want to be living here, working in an office, writing someone else’s movie,” he says.

All that remains of his original script is “EXT: OCEAN – DAY”, he jokes. But the final product was “good”.

“I was relieved it was not insulting to Pacific cultures. That was a big worry for me. I was very nervous about it. You often ask yourself, ‘Oh my god, do I get involved with something like this?’”

Waititi is half-Māori himself and much of his work is steeped in New Zealand’s indigenous culture, celebrating that which makes it unique – particularly its humour – while not shying away from the challenges it faces. (His attention goes beyond simple representation: he said hiring Indigenous people to work on Thor was his “responsibility” as a filmmaker.)

Boy, set in a remote coastal village much like the one Waititi grew up in, revels in the comedy and joy to be found in the midst of poverty. He told NPR that part of its appeal was that it did not perpetuate stereotypes: “Indigenous people in films, it’s all like nose flutes and panpipes and, you know, people talking to ghosts ... which I hate.”

These considerations were front of mind when he was approach for Moana. “I thought, well, the best way of them not making something that’s insensitive or shallow was to involve people from that community, from the Pacific ... If there’s some way I could be at the table and help try and make this not a bad film, then I’ll try.”

His involvement ended with the first draft. “It wasn’t anything to do with the process, I just got b–”. He stops short of saying “bored” but not quite short enough. “Like I do all the time, I just ended up wanting to do my own thing again and make a vampire movie instead.”

Waititi’s script – focusing more on Moana’s family relationships – contributed an irreverent, “very Pacific humour” to the film, according to producer Osnat Shurer. Shurer also said it gave the filmmakers “permission to continue down that road, because he’s from that culture”.

Waititi thinks they could have taken it further. “I know the danger is they’ve got to be respectful but Pacific islanders and Polynesians have some of the least respectful humour on the planet,” he says, laughing.

“[But], as Americans making a film about another culture, and having been criticised in the past for their depictions of minorities, they have to be a bit safer.”

At least there’s a Polynesian Disney princess now, I offer? Waititi doesn’t sound convinced: “Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. I dunno. Haha! I dunno. Luckily, through the phone, you can’t see my face.”

Waititi is not good at censoring himself – or, at least, not fast enough. He often stops himself short as, I imagine, he pictures his words in print and what doors they might close for him. One he seems happy to shut himself is a future biopic, which he volunteers as “the worst type of movie”, committing the cardinal sin of being boring.

“They’re always subject to such scrutiny. Like ... ‘Oh, they really learned to play piano, they went around wearing blue suede shoes for the entire shoot’.

“I think, why is that interesting for an actor? Who cares?”

The way Waititi hates biopics, I note, is the way many people hate films like the Marvel movies: big blockbuster franchises built on sequels to sequels, held up as the antithesis of the small indie films he’s best known for back home. Is it possible for the two to coexist?

“So far they’re existing well for me,” he says. “I know that after this I’ll go back and do an independent film. Then I’ll hopefully come back and do another studio thing. I would kind of like to dwell between both worlds.”

[getseriouser]

20 THOUGHTS: Sack Everyone Network

DOES this feel like 2017 or like 2018 more? 

Richmond in its premiership drought-breaking year, just two year ago, was placed almost exactly as they are right now. Sixth, poised, ready to launch into the top four, a finals date with destiny against higher-placed Geelong at its home ground…. its eery as anything.

But the West Coast, last year, sneakily got themselves without anyone noticing into the top two, almost assuring one road to the Grand Final had to go through them in Perth. This year, same same.

On that basis the Eagles are back in the Big Dance and on the other side of the equation who’s to say Richmond doesn’t repeat the process of 2017 if it gets another Qualifying Final against Geelong?

  1.       No real order to this week,  so if you stick with this to the end, go see a Doctor… Firstly why does the football media find itself on mid-season holidays? Sure, those who have jobs in other platforms could use a spell, such as those doing brekky radio for example. But why the pure football-only head overseas in July, with a university student-rivalling break in the off-season to look forward to, it’s ridiculous. I don’t blame them, I blame their employers. No wonder all our newspapers are closing, run by morons.

2.       Stick on media, so KB and SEN are no longer. If this made you upset you need better hobbies, or a girlfriend. He is 72 and very wealthy, he is fine. But interesting the backlash to it, especially as the story was ‘broken’ by a Herald Sun journalist who himself was sacked by SEN end of last season. Objective? Not even close. Non-story, its BAU for the radio industry.

3.       But I do love the comments you see to these sorts of biased pieces. I’m no SEN apologist and if I ever really want a footy fix on radio, I’ll chuck on the M’s on a Saturday afternoon, but all those saying they’ve switched off SEN and are listening to Macquarie Sports Radio – the latest survey for MSR was around 0.4. In plain English that’s La Trobe Uni student radio ratings. Hutchy and SEN are fine, without or without KB.

4.       And don’t start me on Andrew Bolt suggesting a Nobel Peace Prize for Trump. Sure, the North Korea stuff is definitely positive, but one good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness, as they say. Move alone Andy, get serious.

5.       Is there any footy? Yes. Collingwood. Shall we? So firstly: whats happening? Good footy teams are so finely tuned yet strung, look at Melbourne this year, you tell me those two finals wins last year were a fluke? Beat Geelong first week, remember. But with the Pies, that team they got together middle of last year clicked, and clicked hard, and then stayed fit. The subsequent momentum got them within a Dom Sheed out-of-his-arse set shot from a flag. This year, couple key pieces out has exposed them, and they haven’t been good enough or up to the challenge. Mind you, to be described as such a mess at 10-5, and in third, is pretty solid. But the next three weeks could undo a lot of that so it’s all much of a muchness. Not down and out, but such is footy, it can spit you out in a moment. Ask Hawks’ fans about 2009.

6.       The biggest loss for mine is Taylor Adams. Only one player, but he is as important to the Pies as Luke Shuey or Trent Cotchin. The Eagles don’t have Shuey, they don’t win – it’s that simple. Whilst different players, he is as important as Yeo or Hurn, and we all saw what happened against Sydney when those two missed. As for Cotchin, look at the Tigers when he has been out, the all-conquering Richmond of the last 18 months looked super vulnerable most weeks. The Pies since Adams has been out have been iffy, but when he was in they were premiership favourites. And let’s not forget, Shuey won last year’s Norm Smith, but based on votes had the Pies had won the judges were clearly going to award that to Adams.

7.       Last one on the Woods – it’s a bit of structure too. The good footy of earlier in the year, especially the Richmond game, was safe, short, switching play in defence, then flick a switch and go. There’s not enough dare to replicate that at the moment, sure, for the first five minutes it happened against Hawthorn, but Clarko was good enough to thwart it, as the Hawks have done against the Pies for a decade. The Eagles in Perth will be tough, but with Adams and Howe back for the Giants in Sydney the week after that’s the season-defining opportunity to right the ship.

8.       Gold Coast. Have won three games all year, last win was mid-April, and all three wins were five points or less. Could conceivably be winless, and Stuey Dew is seen as doing as good job as he can. So they’ll ask for a priority pick? Give them the first five picks, won’t do shit, we’ve seen that before. I don’t think this is irreversible, I think the right plan and player development can see something blossom ala Brisbane the last 18 months. But gee, the damage is nearing on irreparable in the most suspect of footy markets too. Carlton’s won no games in forever and got a great crowd last Sunday. The Suns could be undefeated and its only Bernie Tomic and a couple strippers at Metricon. So what then? Total rebrand, semi-reset. It’s like putting your laptop on sleep. Turn them into the Southport Sharks, change almost everything they are, and recommence with multiple, strong draft concessions. It’ll be like last time, but with a head start, an existing list that has at least ‘something’. Give them then five years with certain parameters. If it fails then, fine, it’ll never work, Hobart here is your team.

9.       Something that might help already – Adelaide has Carlton’s first pick this year. Jack Lukosius, last year’s pick 2, he wants to come home to South Australia already. Maybe not a direct swap, some sweetners can be thrown in, but that’s pick 1 and 2 already with this year’s draft top end better than the last couple for jet midfielders. So there’s some hope if nothing else is to change I guess..

10.   Superstar ruckmen. Brodie Grundy specifically but too, Max Gawn. Here’s the misconception – a dominant ruckman makes a difference – not really. Statistically speaking, way more scores come from turnovers than from stoppages. What that means is you’re far more likely to lose a clearance, find a way to force an error, get the ball and then score than if your ruckman hits the ball down the throat of your midfield and it leads to a scoring chain. The amount of teams who win despite losing the hitout count is uncanny. Arguably the worst team in the comp for ruckmen? Geelong.

11.   How’s North going? Pretty swimmingly ey? Rhyce Shaw hasn’t dropped one player since taking over, the only players to miss have been through injury. Says something for continuity, similar to what I touched on earlier with the Pies’ success last year.

12.   So does he keep the job next year? Dunno yet but it’s going to be hard to find someone categorically better if there’s a real something about what he is doing that’s too hard to ignore. He has gone 4-1, 2-1 against top 8 sides. He has West Coast in Perth in couple weeks and Geelong down the highway two weeks later. If those are the only games he drops between now and the end of the season, you have to give it to him, surely?

13.   This column has long said Nat Fyfe’s the best player in the league. Patrick Cripps a very close silver. Now I say neither. Marcus Bontempelli is better. He does what both do, ie, big body inside clearance freaks, but unlike Fyfe and Cripps he moves around like an old school wingman meets rover, at what 6”3ish? Plus is one of the best kicks in the comp, long weighted perfection or low spearing darts. And handballs like Greg Williams. The Bont, this column anoints you.

14.   Brisbane wins a final, thought it for a while, pretty much committed to it last week but now it’s a thing. At least one final, don’t rule out two. Again, it’s the clicking thing. A lesser team clicking always beats a better team that isn’t (see Collingwood’s last two weeks).

15.   So Freo was the best team in the West a couple weeks ago hey? Not anymore. Mind you, it’s worth reiterating, the Eagles are as highly strung as anyone. Don’t want to call last year lucky, that’s unfair, but in games where one of Hurn, Shuey or Yeo don’t play, its borderline deplorable depending on how far you go back, or whether you remove games against lower teams. All three play and they win Grand Finals. Shuey especially, he is the most valuable player in the league, if we focus on the true definition of ‘value’. They can win a flag without Naitanui, but couldn’t win Ammo’s D2 without Shuey.

16.   ‘Oh, the Giants can’t win it’, they said it after the Hawthorn loss and we all forgot about that pretty quickly. Then after losing to an admirable Brisbane the same thing. This is a team who is top-four lock, playing better than Collingwood and possibly Geelong, and has beaten the Cats at GMHBA this season. Move along, they are as massive a threat as any.

17.   Reckon Lance Franklin’s seemingly easy cruise to 1000 goals is under threat. So he is still a couple weeks away from a return and is stuck on 940 goals. Let’s say he gets himself to 950, 955 by the end of the year, he would need a 50-goal season to do it next year. But going by his recent fitness, that’s a tall order as playing 22 games or close to it seems a task too great for someone turning 33 next summer. Even averaging 3 goals a game when he is fit and playing, he’d need to find 20 more games, and that’s moving into 2021, which, by then, who knows how his body holds up. I hate to say it, but this has retiring only 20-30 or so short written all over it.

18.   So the Dees won last weekend, and how noble they did so with only 19 fit players. Well the Blues were down to 21 themselves so it was hardly a massive advantage, and further, especially if you saw the football played in the second half, if you could coach either team next year, respectful of the 2018 season as well, who would you rather? Carlton? Correct.

19.   Way too low but bloody hell Cameron Smith plays his 400th game this weekend, phenomenal. What makes it even better is this is a guy not limping to the milestone, he was the Dally M winner only two years ago and is three votes off the pace in this year’s campaign. Further, he has played 42 games for Queensland, 56 games for Australia as well, so in essence he is approaching 500 games in a few weeks’ time. Man is a freak, and will definitely play into next year. All the while looking like an accountant who has a gym membership but never uses it. Onya Smithy!

20.   And lastly Cricket, more so the Ashes, well, Jimmy Pattinson looks terrific. Bowled well in the County season to this point but first go with a red nut for Australia A got 4/60 and 3/12. Don’t rule out Paine at 6, Cummins at 7, and playing four quicks looking for three, four day results over huge scores and five day tests.

[ifreegoogleplaycodesworld]

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NFL Week 6 Games Schedule

NFL Week 6 Games Schedule

We’re back for Week 6 of the 2018 NFL season, and we opened things with a revolting matchup between the Philadelphia Eagles and New York Giants. The Giants had a few open doors early, yet things escaped hand in transit to 34-13 Eagles triumph on Thursday Night Football. Saquon Barkley is resembling a stud running back, however very little else is going appropriate for the G-Men.

The arrival of football implies dream football and betting are back in our lives. There is nothing very like a little football betting to make recreations significantly more energizing. This season, I am partaking in the Westgate SuperContest. SB Nation’s accomplices over at Odds Shark are supporting my entrance once more. The challenge requires choosing five diversions every week and picking them against the spread.

I’ll be putting forth up every one of the five SuperContest passages every week, alongside picks against the spread for each amusement every week. I set up together a 2-2-1 execution in Week 5, and went 8-6-1 for my aggregate picks. I’m presently 13-10-2 for the year in the SuperContest. Here are my SuperContest sections for Week 6.

Fantasy Football: Start and sit calls for every game on the NFL schedule in Week 6: https://t.co/Ve3fRwjzE1 qua @YouTube

— namninhvuong (@namninhvuong) October 14, 2018

VIKINGS (- 10) over Cardinals

Twofold digit top choices are more often than not to be maintained a strategic distance from in the SuperContest, yet I have an inclination about this one. A week ago, the Cardinals irritate the 49ers, winning 28-18. But then, the 49ers could have won easily. The 49ers bent over Arizona in absolute yards and tripled them up in first downs. It was five turnovers (two strip sacks, two capture attempts and a bobble) that were the distinction in this amusement. Kirk Cousins is impressively superior to C.J. Beathard, which alone could be sufficient. Be that as it may, he likewise has more genuine weapons in the passing diversion, and he’s supported by a hefty Vikings resistance. The Cardinals could shock them and keep this amusement close, especially with Minnesota falling off a nearby street prevail upon the Eagles. However, this resembles a diversion the Vikings can win no sweat.

WASHINGTON (- 1) over Panthers

Washington was a major disillusionment in New Orleans a week ago, after a strong history of progress there. Alex Smith attempted to move anything, yet he has a strong history of bouncing back after terrible endeavors. Include confronting a Panthers protection that battles with touchy plays, and Washington has a decent shot here.

Pirates (+3.5) over FALCONS

The one street group I’m taking is a squad on the move. Jameis Winston supplanted Ryan Fitzpatrick at quarterback in Week 4, and has had a bye week to prepare for the Falcons. He’s had a ton of progress truly against Atlanta, and if O.J. Howard is solid, could bite up the center of that ambushed Falcons guard.

Horses (+6.5) over Rams

The Rams are moving at this moment, and have everything except bolted up the NFC West. Be that as it may, this is the perfect circumstance for Denver to keep it close. It’s a between meeting matchup sandwiched by divisional diversions. The Broncos have played well at home, including a close steamed of the Kansas City Chiefs behind a strong guarded exertion. Goodness, and it should be close frosty with a shot of snow. We’ll perceive how the Rams handle a radical change in climate.

TITANS (+2.5) over Ravens

This matchup highlights two groups falling off extreme Week 5 street misfortunes — Baltimore lost in additional time to Cleveland, while Tennessee lost in the end seconds on a field objective. The Titans offense is attempting to discover consistency, however with another hostile facilitator and Marcus Mariota working his way over from damage, this is a spot for them to sparkle. I’ll take the focuses at home.

Welcome to Week 6 of the NFL season. It started subsequent to viewing the New York Giants get pounded by the Philadelphia Eagles and now it proceeds with a decent slate of diversions.

The best part is the 49ers play on Monday Night Football, which implies we have a full slate of Sunday recreations that we can appreciate without missing them because of watching something different.

The defining moment is the Sunday Night Football game where the Kansas City Chiefs confront the New England Patriots. While the Patriots may have lost a stage this year, despite everything I feel that will be an engaging diversion. On the off chance that anybody can make sense of Patrick Mahomes, it’s the Patriots. I do figure the Patriots will get beat, yet it will be an engaging diversion in any case.

Likewise in some twisted kind of way, I am interested about the Arizona Cardinals versus Minnesota Vikings. On the off chance that the Cardinals can beat the Vikings in Minnesota, it’d be a definitive kick to the gut considering how the 49ers battled there half a month back. The Vikings let the Buffalo Bills rule them fourteen days back, so I wouldn’t be astonished on the off chance that it occurs.

We’re back for Week 6 of the 2018 NFL season, and we opened things with a revolting matchup between the Philadelphia Eagles and New York Giants. The Giants had a few open doors early, yet things escaped hand in transit to 34-13 Eagles triumph on Thursday Night Football. Saquon Barkley is resembling a stud running back, however very little else is going appropriate for the G-Men.

The arrival of football implies dream football and betting are back in our lives. There is nothing very like a little football betting to make recreations significantly more energizing. This season, I am partaking in the Westgate SuperContest. SB Nation’s accomplices over at Odds Shark are supporting my entrance once more. The challenge requires choosing five diversions every week and picking them against the spread.

I’ll be putting forth up every one of the five SuperContest passages every week, alongside picks against the spread for each amusement every week. I set up together a 2-2-1 execution in Week 5, and went 8-6-1 for my aggregate picks. I’m presently 13-10-2 for the year in the SuperContest. Here are my SuperContest sections for Week 6.

Before Sunday's games, here's a few thoughts on what we've got on the #NFL schedule in week 6. #PatsvChiefs#SteelersvBengals#BearsTrapGamehttps://t.co/hpcFbuDHdO

— Brian Goodwin (@brian22goodwin) October 13, 2018

What do you want to watch?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Atlanta Falcons, 10:00 A.M., FOX Carolina Panthers at Washington, 10:00 A.M., FOX Seattle Seahawks at Oakland Raiders, 10:00 A.M., FOX (@London) Indianapolis Colts at New York Jets, 10:00 A.M., CBS Arizona Cardinals at Minnesota Vikings, 10:00 A.M., FOX Pittsburgh Steelers at Cincinnati Bengals, 10:00 A.M., CBS Los Angeles Chargers at Cleveland Browns, 10:00 A.M., CBS Buffalo Bills at Houston Texans, 10:00 A.M., CBS Chicago Bears at Miami Dolphins, 10:00 A.M., FOX Los Angeles Rams at Denver Broncos, 1:05 P.M., FOX Baltimore Ravens at Tennessee Titans, 4:25 P.M., CBS Jacksonville Jaguars at Dallas Cowboys, 4:25 P.M., FOX Kansas Chiefs at New England Patriots, 5:20 p.m., NBC

[fictionalescapeartist-blog]

    I know, I know I have been gone for a while. I took a bit of a sabbatical, because I was having a hard time coming up with content and then would go into a shame spiral etc. Blogging stopped being fun and became another thing to beat myself up about, if you haven’t picked up on it I might have a slight self esteem issues… but I am back and applying less pressure on myself because ultimately I enjoy blogging.

  Anyway! I wanted to take a few to talk about some of my favorite Fictional Escapes (see what I did there?) from 2017. Some I blogged about already, some I have not. Even though I have it in a list format, it is not a ranking. THAT WOULD BE LIKE ASKING ME TO PICK A FAVORITE CHILD! Here are 10 favorite things from 2017:

s1. Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

I blogged about this book, so I wont spend a ton of time on this one, my feelings on this book are well documented here, on Twitter and Facebook. BTW Taylor Jenkins Reid is a mega sweetie to her fans, I suggest following her. This book was absolutely amazing! I read it in like a day. I say read, but more devoured it. The book takes you through 2 stories of very different women and how their lives connect. It is beautifully written and so well done at times I forgot I wasn’t reading an Autobiography.

2. Reincarnation Blues

Another one that I haven’t shut up about since I read it. Milo is the oldest soul in the universe, living nearly all of his 10,000 lives. We are taken through several of his lives as he tries to reach perfection, as well as his time between lives where he is in love with a Death who goes by Suzie. This book is magical, fun, and at times heart breaking. This book is reminiscent of Douglas Adams. The many different worlds Michael Poore has built in just one book is astounding.

3. Twin Peaks the Return

What can I say about this show? Honestly I am never so happy to be confused then when watching Twin Peaks, and the Return took that up a notch or. Kyle MacLachlan playing several hard roles so perfectly, you forget its the same actor. Dougie Jones absolutely broke my heart on a weekly basis, while the bad Cooper was scary as hell. The fact they were on Showtime, they were able to get a lot darker then in the original show. Plus we so got this beautiful sigh-worthy moment:

#BigEdandNormaForever

4. The final season of the Mindy Project

Mindy, Mindy, Mindy. There is nothing that Mindy Kaling has done that I didn’t love, this show included. I was hooked from the very first episode. The characters, the story line, the jokes, everything was perfect. Season 6 was the shortest and one of the best seasons of the show. They wrapped up everyone’s story line, with out every feeling like everyone was short changed or rushed. With out spoiling the overall story arch, I was nervous about how the show would end, the direction it seemed to head and they nailed it, with out sacrificing the character’s emotional growth as I feared they could. This show goes down as one of my all time favorites with 30 Rock, Parks and Rec and Scrubs. I will miss this show so much!

5. Season 3 of Playing House

  Ugh! I guess technically I should have titled this one “The final season of Playing House” but I’m not there emotionally and it is too soon. I knew the Mindy Project was ending, this one was ripped from my arms by the cruel USA. This show. THIS SHOW YOU GUYS! I have so many thoughts and feelings about it, and have blogged about it in the past. The entire show is amazing, but season 3 was something truly special. Season 3 had Emma being diagnosed with breast cancer and shows her and Maggie battle it together, in a story line “ripped from the headlines” as Law and Order likes to say. You see in reality the lead actresses Jessica and Lennon are best friends, and Jessica did have breast cancer. The way the show handled the story line was perfect. It was touching and informative. It was sad at times with out ever actually feeling too heavy. They educated us on cancer treatment options, with out ever pulling you out of the story or feeling preachy about things. Damn you USA Network for canceling it! If you have On Demand, I could not recommend watching this show enough.

6. Womp It Up! Podcast

What? Jessica and Lennon get 2 spots on your list? Yes they do, because they are amazing people who rocked my 2017. Womp It Up! has been around for a while, but I didn’t discover it until this year, and luckily for me I didn’t have to wait a year and half between episodes like other fans. Womp I Up! is a comedy podcast that was birthed from Comedy Bang Bang characters. Jessica St Clair plays Marissa Wompler, a 17(ish) year old, not very well adjusted, student at the Marina Del Rey High School, the podcast is her senior project. She is doing some alternative learning in her school’s program called STARS, ran by her teacher and lets face it best friend Charlotte Listler, played by Lennon Parahm. Every week there is a new comedian on playing a person in the Marina Del Rey community. My favorite has been Andrew Daly as Joe Bongos, the Health teacher who has some interesting ideas on what to teach the kids.

7. Oh, Hello on Broadway

Oh, Hello got it’s start on the Nick Kroll Show, where Gil Faizon and George St Geegland had a prank show on public access channel in New York. Their one prank was ordering a tuna sandwich with way too much tuna, ultimately getting the person say “That’s too much tuna”. What was the prank show called? Too Much Tuna of course. Somehow, in Nick Kroll and John Mulaney’s brilliance they were able to make a super successful Broadway play based on these two dirt bags.

Gil (a writer) and George (an actor) have been best friends and roommates since the 1970s. They decided to write an autobiographical play telling their story. The brilliance of this show is the play that is happening around the play. It gets pretty meta at times, often Gil and George stop the actual play to have their own interactions, generally it is Gil giving George notes on how he is doing in the play. The sheer detail that has gone into this show is mind boggling. I can’t even describe the layers of the play. I highly recommend checking it out.

8. Wonder Woman

Let’s not get into a DC vs MCU argument here, generally I am an MCU fan and haven’t been too excited over the last few DC movies, but this one. I will admit was a little nervous when I first saw Gal Gadot was cast as Wonder Woman, but she won me over immediately in Batman vs Superman. I was still cautiously optimistic for the Wonder Woman movie, but it came out better then I imagined. In my opinion it was just awesome (I am aware of the issues people had with it, but to me the good outweigh the bad). I enjoyed the hell out of it, it made me laugh and cry. I also enjoyed the feel of it, different then the other super hero movies, it felt more like a war movie. If you haven’t seen it, check it out!

9. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 and Thor: Ragnarok

I decided to combine these two into one, because well I didn’t want this list to be 3/4s super hero movies. I could also write a book on my feelings for these two movies and their directors. Guardians was written and directed by James Gunn and Thor was directed by Taiki Waititi, a kiwi writer and director known for his work with Flight of the Concords, What we do in the Shadows to name a couple. Also if you’re looking for a sort of weird but sweet movie, check out Eagle Vs Shark.

These two movies have a bit of a rag-tag team thing going on, and both delve into family relationships. They are both visually stunning, and laugh out loud hilarious, (yes I know that is a problem some people have with Marvel, but I love to laugh and they are right up my alley). Their similarities are one reason I decided to group them together. The first Guardians became my favorite Marvel movie about 10 minutes into it, and was thrilled that James Gunn actually made something better. I have always had a soft spot for Thor, and been sad at the state of the movies he’s had. I left Ragnarok thinking they finally gave him the movie he deserves, also Jeff Goldblum at his Goldbumiest.

My other favorite part of both of these movies, is they seemed to fix the villain problem. Hela and Ego managed to be interesting and complex. They didn’t seem to fall flat like others have in the past.

These two movies are all in all a good ass time!

10. Hamilton the Musical, paired with Hamilton the book

   I know, I know. It’s based on true events, but some of it is changed for dramatic effect. I am so late to the game on Hamilton, but I just recently got Spotify Premium which let me listen to the soundtrack in order… and I am HOOKED. I decided to check out the biography the musical was based on by Ron Chernow. Combining the two adds a lot more depth to the play, certain lines in songs make sense. There is so much drama in Hamilton’s life, so much that the play never even touched on.

If you want to add to your Hamilton experience, read the book as well. Honestly, it makes the entire experience so much better.

  Thanks for reading everyone!

    Check out my top 10 from 2017 list of my favorite Fictional Escapes. I know, I know I have been gone for a while. I took a bit of a sabbatical, because I was having a hard time coming up with content and then would go into a shame spiral etc.

[sarahjbowman]

Shortly after arriving at our Nomads hostel we headed out to find South Bank, the home of the open air cinema we had booked to attend. In keeping with Halloween, the American Express pop up screen was showing IT, a terrifying but simultaneously hilarious horror. After doing a big loop of the area to find a 7 Eleven to quench our need for grapes (which they ended up not having and we thought best to replace with Snakes sweets, which contain carrot so are basically one of our five a day anyway...) we arrived at the perfect setting. Sat amongst the bushy areas of the bank and overlooking the city line above the treetops, it was a fantastic view topped off with bats flying overhead. Perfectly fitting for Halloween. We'd treated ourselves to the additional chairs, which ended up being funny shaped blown up bags with extra slip and slide. We spotted a few others deflating theirs and thought 'how hard can it be?!' so gave it a go ourselves, but of course, nothing happened... At risk of then letting them down completely we decided against it and attempted to wedge ourselves in to watch the film. Once the screening finished we roamed the city trying to find a spot for dinner, but everything was shut. Places seem to open late and shut early here, so we resorted to another 7 Eleven. Bon appetite! After a restless night in our Nomads hostel (terrible, never go!) we woke early to find a nice cafe spot for breakfast before meeting Nick. Pleasantly surprised, we found a great little place just down the road. Amazing coffee, maple syrup infused bacon and homemade sourdough. Yum! Nick came to collect us just after and we went to explore Kangaroo Point, Mount Neebo and his local, Oxford Street. Kangaroo Point and Mount Neebo offered some great views across the city and down some beautiful hidden valleys. We drove along Mount Neebo to different lookout points and saw some more spectacular birdies along the way. Along with the Black Boy bush, great name. The days are going quicker and quicker and we were soon back at Nick's place to meet his roommate, Clint. Nick kindly made us dinner, so Becca and I took the rare opportunity to kick back and relax while listening to some hilarious stories of their school days. Their strict school teachers were certainly very different to good old RMS. Lots to compare and laugh about. Before bed we were introduced to the film, The Castle. A charming little Aussie production. Of course, I fell asleep, but I heard after it was very funny. Thursday morning we packed up again to head to Stradbroke Island (or as the Aussies say, Straddie Is, because the full name is just too long to pronounce...) After stopping at the local police station to collect Nicks short lost wallet, and to his parents mansion house to collect the rods and bodyboards, we were on our way to the barge. A lovely 45 min trip to the island with views over Horseshoe Bay and Moreton Island. We met the owner of our Airbnb, which turned out to be a room with minimal shared facilities, rather than a full apartment as we thought. Sneaky David with his false advertising and stone statue that may well be of himself... Friendly enough, but definitely a character. Once checked in, we drove to the South Creek Walk. Nick doesn't really do walking, in fact, I don't think any Aussies are keen. So the drive took about 2 minutes and we were there. The walk was spectacular and I'm happy to say that's not even an exaggeration. What a beauty! The cliff walk wrapped around the island with beautiful views of the crystal clear turquoise waters to the right. En route there was a rocky lookout area, luckily deserted of people, so we headed down to enjoy the view. But boy did we enjoy so much more than that! Out of the corner of my eye I could see a big splash in the distance. Making sure it wasn't the water against some rocks, I watched it a couple more times before I realised it was definitely a whales tale! Pointing it out to Becca and Nick we jumped around in excitement, doing the happy dance! After five weeks of hoping, it turns out we only needed to go to Straddie! Shortly after, we spotted a group of dolphins jumping through the rolling waves crashing beside us. We couldn't believe it! Double whammy! Our eyes darted around the water, sharing time between the two groups of incredible sea life, Nick just laughing at our excitement! As the waves crashed and the sun shone down, the reflection made beautiful mini rainbows just next to us. One of the most mesmerising scenes I think we've experienced on this trip so far. After the animals dispersed we dragged ourselves away to the next lookout point for a picnic lunch. Chatting and sharing the view before we ventured down to Cylinders Beach for a swim. Nick chased around beach crabs while Becca and I attempted to bronze our pasty white selves. I'm not sure we're achieving anything... For the evening we drove down to Amity Point to watch the sunset. David promised us more dolphins but there weren't any in site. It seems when they're 'guaranteed' they like to avoid us, but the unexpected encounter earlier had topped our day off nicely already. The sunset was another corker! Sipping our bevies and amusing ourselves listening to the local bogans. After dropping the car back off at Allure Resort, we persuaded Nick to endure the pain of walking 5 mins up the road to the pub for dinner. A couple of Curlues were having a barnie on the decking, while we had some dinner and chatted into the evening. Tuesday morning started with our classic soaked oats speciality and readied us for a day of lakes and swimming. We started with Brown Lake. Which turns out to have a bit of an ironic name. Becca and I were preparing ourselves for a murky watering hole, but when we arrived we were more than pleasantly surprised. The lake had a clear sandy beach entrance and the water only started to appear brown once we'd paddled in with our bodyboards. A couple of women nearby overheard us questioning why it goes brown and they explained that the Tea Tree leaves fall into the water and change the colour. Luckily we weren't wearing white bikinis as it would apparently dye them. The water was warm and we enjoyed a paddle around on the boards while Nick prepared the fishing rods for the evening. (Hopeful to catch our supper). Shortly after our swim we were greeted by a big ole Goanna climbing down the tree in front of us, then back up the next and down again. Doesn't know if he's coming or going. While Becca sat by the water reading her book, Nick attempted to teach me how to tell the time using the sun as a guide. I'm pretty sure I've got midday down. Eventually we left Brown Lake and drove to Blue Lake for another explore. The road doesn't meet the water so we hopped out and started the 2km walk down to the basin. Chatting, sweating, chatting and sweating some more (Becca and I are confused how most people we've seen in Aus still look glowing in the heat, when we just turn to tomatoes...) we soon arrived at a perfect spot by the water, and just in time to see a Long Neck Turtle. As the two groups that were there before us departed, we had the whole place to ourselves. The women Becca and I were talking to in Brown Lake warned us of the resident leeches, so I stayed clear of the water (and got attacked by flies instead) but Becca and Nick floated in for a refresher. Afterward we sat and watched the water and listened to the surrounding birds. The Kookaburra gangs sang to each other from opposite trees across the lake. Well, I say sang, the Kookaburra sounds more like a laughing monkey. Once we'd finished we reluctantly made the walk back to the car. Nick then thought this would be the perfect time to tell us all about the super poisonous snakes and spiders they have to endure in Aus which certainly quickened our pace. Once back at the Airbnb Nick went down to the beach for a swim, while Becca and I ventured to the shark free pool for a quick dip. For the evening we grabbed the rods and went to Cylinder Beach for a spot of sea fishing. Within five minutes Nick had caught a little Whiting but after that all we had were false leads. The little buggers were too quick and clever for the likes of us. Although we didn't catch anything else we still enjoyed the attempt along with the incredible sunset. The sky glowed and highlighted the full moon, when all of a sudden an eagle flew overhead and looped the area as he kept an eye on the fish in the water. Just within the Allure Resort was a lovely little French owned cafe restaurant, so we resided there for the evening to stock up on some fishy dishes and play UNO! 3-1-1 to Becca. Saturday morning was upon us, happy birthday to me! Being in front of the UK by 11 hours felt its strangest today, as I was celebrating my birthday before my parents would think it was my birthday. I'm just so ahead of my time aye. Becca, Nick and I went back to the little cafe from the night before and enjoyed a bargain $10 breakfast sarnie and coffee. They'd bought me a card and Becca had treated me to a lovely bow toe ring. Very sneaky purchase in Townsville. Thank you! We said goodbye to our host, the smiling assassin, and drove down to Adder Rock to take a little wander up to the view point. Low and behold, more dolphins, they just can't keep away! What a birthday morning treat! Shortly after, we went back to Amity Point to cast our rods over the jetty. The area is a hotspot for shark attacks so we were surprised to see a group of French tourists jumping off the jetty and swimming back and forth to shore. More annoyingly, they were scaring away our fish, so we moved along to the rocky lookout point that ventured out into the water. Becca and I definitely grasped this type of fishing a lot better than the seashore fish from the night before. Minimal effort just dropping the line in the water over the edge. Nailed it. No fish though. As Nick and I were fishing Becca noticed some commotion at the jetty. The boys that had been jumping in were signalling at a nearby boat travelling with two small children attached to the back on a blow up pad. They quickly reeled them in and turned around. We couldn't really see properly from where we were, but quite possibly could have been a sharky. It's been one of the biggest struggles of the trip, the waters look so inviting and the heat just makes you want to jump in, but with all these little critters around, it's quite frustrating not being able to enjoy it properly. We sadly had to make a quick getaway to get our barge back to the mainland at midday. But not without a fight. It's always when you actually need to be somewhere that the traffic comes out. First there was Father Christmas who couldn't get his boat in the drive, then there was the attack of the Kookaburra, shortly followed by convoy with the slowest driver in the world. With 2mins to spare we arrived just in time and good ole Tracy checked us in with a warm welcome. The rush didn't stop there. Now we had to beat the clock to make it back to the city for our bus to the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary. Nick had already been, so he dropped us off at the station to make our way there. The whole trip I'd been looking forward to this birthday treat, we were going to make it! And we did, just in time. They were so cute! We queued for a little while before meeting our new furry little friends. Ah ma gawd, so fluffy! The Sanctuary was full of interesting animals, including Becca's new favourite, the Princess Parrot. We also saw a Platypus, who turn out not to be as innocent as they seem. The males have poisonous ducts in their back paws which can cause excruciating pain to humans. Avoid those fellas! Short on time, we Ubered our way back to Nicks for some delicious and nutritious tinned stew... Clint and another one of their friends, Ben, were also there and we sat around the lounge chatting for most of the evening as they educated Becca and I about some 'need to know' Australian musicians. Amongst a hilarious video of an Aussie kangaroo whisperer squaring up with a male roo. A few drinks later we made our way to the city. Our Uber driver was such a gem, all the way from South Africa and certainly bringing the entertainment factor to the table. We'd hoped to go to a free comedy night but when we arrived at the bar it was already closing, so we ended up at a nearby jazz bar. I'm not sure what Australians think jazz is, but it definitely wasn't what we heard. Great all the same though, the lead singer had so much sass and the oldies on the dance floor we're loving it, busting out the sweet dad moves. We continued late into the night, hoping from bar to bar until I got hungry and needed pizza. Oh hey Dominos. The next morning we were up early and raring to go. We had important markets to visit. Nick, being a man that doesn't like to walk more than five minutes down the road, decided to stay at home and let us do our thing. So we said our thank you's and see ya's before departing for our next hostel, Brisbane YHA. The last of our hostels for the trip and definitely worth the wait. Finally a place that understands what it means to be a good hostel. Wallah! We were even upgraded to a 4 bed ensuite. Don't mind if we do. Once we'd dropped our bags we made the walk to the first market, which reminded me of the women we were talking to in Brown Lake. One was saying how Poms (which is apparently what they call us Brits) love to walk everywhere. To them, a five minute walk is an outrageous expectation, but for us, we'll walk miles to get to where we need to go. Which is definitely accurate in mine and Becca's case. We walked 19km yesterday around the city, which was definitely worth it as we uncovered lots of great gems along the way. From Milton Market, to South Bank Young Designers, through the Botanic Gardens and along the embankment past Story Bridge, to Bakery Lane, Winn Lane and James Street. Our feet were begging us to stop but we powered through and made the walk back through the high rise city to our hostel. The kitchen is situated at the top of the building with a long balcony view over the city. At night the place is lit with vibrant lights that transform the grey buildings to more memorable patterns of colour. Tired from the night before we headed to bed to rejuvenate for my final day in Aus. So here we are, currently sat on a train to Tallebudgera Creek for a spot of paddle-boarding along the water before dinner out in the city this evening. Then I'll be heading off to the airport to start the long 23 hour journey back home. I can't quite believe how quickly the trip has gone! The start feels like a life time ago already and we've fitted in so many great things. I'm looking forward to the rest of today (once we've had our coffee) and then I'll be home sweet home tomorrow! And another day younger ; )

[synergygolfsolutions]

Greg Norman: All I Know About Winning in Golf, Business and Life

The trek to Greg Norman's getaway in northwest Colorado is a roundabout one. The retreat is tucked away in a remote, evergreen-covered corner of this rugged state, an area so isolated that GPS is little help. An unmarked dirt road runs from the highway to his front door, uncoiling like the rattlesnakes that lurk in the brush. Driving for some 30 minutes, you feel lost. Definitely lost. Then his Rocky Mountain Xanadu appears: a 14,000-square-foot "cabin," two miles of fly-fishing nirvana, and wildlife at every turn. Norman's ranch is as beautiful and seemingly as vast as the snowcapped Rockies that encircle it. It's difficult to fathom how he parlayed "only" 20 PGA Tour wins into this.

Of course, the Shark was chasing much more than just trophies. Like Arnold Palmer before him, Greg Norman oozed charisma, both on and off the course. He bestrode fairways with a swashbuckling, take-no-prisoners (and look good doing it) style that made everyone notice. Prize money? That was chump change. Norman saw a worldwide brand as the ultimate reward, and he has gone on to amass a fortune that has been estimated at $400 million. Sure, there were bumps along the road. Take the well-publicized divorce from his first wife in 2006 that halved his assets (au revoir, $103 million); the heartbreaking near misses in eight majors; his clash with the PGA Tour over his World Tour brainchild, which he calls the low point of his career. But you don't become an icon by surrendering to adversity. "Failure makes you stronger," says Norman, 58, now three years into his third marriage (with interior designer Kirsten Kutner, 45). How strong? Great White Shark Enterprises operates 16 profitable ventures in areas ranging from real-estate development to turf research to prime beef sales. Like his ravenous namesake, the Great White Shark is far from satisfied. He's got big plans. Welcome to the success secrets of a man in full -- the guiding thoughts that helped a kid from Mount Isa, Australia, ascend from a $32-a-week job in a pro shop to the pinnacle of the golf world, and build his brand into a booming international business.

Do Your Homework

I became a good businessman because I was a good golfer. Golf taught me how to practice, formulate a strategy and then execute it -- a due-diligence process that also fuels good business decisions. Some people are naturals at business. I'm not, but I had a great education through golf.

Patience Is Underrated

I signed my first contract with Reebok in 1989. Paul Fireman, Reebok's CEO, had a dream for me, but eventually structured the deal so I could function as my own brand. That was huge. The more independent you can be in life, the better. But since I didn't have a lot of marketing or branding knowledge at the time, I was patient. I didn't go for the quick buck. I focused only on how big it could become. I'm lucky in that I have pretty good long-term vision. Why do I have it? I don't know. But here we are decades later -- and I've only reached 20 percent of what this company is capable of achieving.

I was a different person on the course. I wasn't as patient, because I didn't have to be. I knew everything about the game and was super-confident in my abilities. I played by the sword and died by it. Would I have changed some things about my game knowing what success in business has taught me? It's something that I'd consider. But don't get me wrong -- I have zero regrets.

Winning Is About Heart

A lot of people ask how I'd stack up against today's players if I had use of modern equipment. Listen, it's not about the gear. Winning is about what's in your heart and in your head. Equipment dictates how to play the game in an era, but the physical and mental skills are the same. And I had them. I never feared anything or anyone on the course, and I wasn't afraid to fail. So I think I'd do pretty well against Snead, Hogan, Tiger and Phil -- whoever. Tiger's a tough guy, but I was a tough guy on the course, too. I probably would have beat him.

Never Blame Your Tools

The best are always going to be the best, no matter what you chuck in their bag. Send five guys out on Augusta National with hickory-shafted clubs and gutta-percha balls, and the guy with the most talent will always win. Technology allows you to extract certain things from your equipment, but how you extract it is dependent upon your ability to swing the club. Science can only take you so far.

The Secret's in the Shaft

When I was young I read a lot of articles by Ben Hogan. He wrote pages on the stiffness and torque he used in his shafts. I remember thinking, Sh-t! I need to figure this out. I spent a lot of time trying different shafts and, when I found a good match, making sure the spine was set in the same place on every club. I got it right, so I can't figure out why today's pros can't do likewise. Take Rory [McIlory]. It's absurd to say he has gear issues. It's so easy to re-create the same specs and feel from one set to the next. Something else is going on [with him].

Play Within Your Limits

The biggest difference between weekend players and pros? Let's say we're both 100 yards from the pin -- a sand wedge for me and a gap wedge for you. I'll use my pitching wedge and swing at 70 percent. You'll hit your gap wedge at 100 percent. And you'll lose. Weekend players go for broke while pros look for a way to play the minimum.

Play with Precision

When I was playing my best, my caddie, Bruce Edwards, would give me half yardages -- as in, "Greg, you've got 147 and a half yards to the pin." Sounds extreme, but a half-yard is 18 inches, which often means the difference between "good chance" and "no chance" on the ensuing putt. Spend time getting to know your distances and how to be precise with them on the fly. You may not realize it, but the distance you hit the ball changes with the atmosphere. Those humid early-morning rounds? You're going to lose yards. Similarly, the ball will jump when it's hot or dry. Guys can drive it 300 yards today without blinking an eye, but it's still a precision game.

Keep Your Swing Simple

There are a lot of moving parts in the swing, but you can't worry about each and every one. Charlie Earp, my first coach, taught me to always keep the triangle formed by my shoulders and grip in front of my body, from start to finish. If you maintain the triangle as you rotate, everything else falls into place. I've used this tip for 35 years. Hold the triangle, get the club parallel at the top, then let 'er rip (see sequence, below).

Listen to Your Body

The last time you saw me on TV was probably during the 2008 British Open at Royal Birkdale, where I had the 54-hole lead before finishing third. That wasn't the swing you saw in the 1980s and '90s. My stance is wider now, and I stop my backswing short of parallel. I have to. My body can't take the stress of rotating anymore.

I used to be super-flexible -- I could even do splits. It was the source of my power, but it allowed me to overrotate. I developed so many stress fractures in my spine that I ended up needing surgery. Butch Harmon was the one to get me to widen my stance, which automatically limits rotation. I fought him at first, but then listened to what Mother Nature was telling me. And I darn near won that Open.

Golf places severe pressure on your joints, so you either have to take excellent care of your body or find a swing that isn't so taxing. We get older and more frail. That's life.

Find a Confidence Boost

Success breeds success. I started playing golf at age 16, and by the time I was 21 I was competing in professional events. I knew I was good, but I didn't know how good until the 1976 West Lakes Classic, an Australian Tour event held at the Grange G.C. in Adelaide. I was a complete nobody, and the field had Bruce Devlin, Bruce Crampton, David Graham, and a couple of guys from the PGA Tour. By the end of the third round I had a 10-shot lead. That was it for me. I knew right then and there that I could be great. Everyone needs a shot of confidence, and my victory at the Grange -- the first of 89 pro wins -- was it.

Build a Swing Foundation

I went from novice to scratch in two years. I was lucky in that the things I liked to do before I got into golf, mainly surfing, established foundations for my game. Surfing develops your core, lat muscles and shoulders -- the engines of your swing. Plus it gives you balance. When you're riding a wave your proprioceptors [sensory receptors that detect body position] are firing on all cylinders -- you learn balance very quickly. I've talked about how surfing helps your swing with [pro surfer] Kelly Slater. Kelly loves golf, and we agree that surfing makes you a better player. One moment you're perfectly calm waiting for a wave, and the next you're firing up and dropping in, just like when you're on the tee box getting ready to hit a shot. If you don't surf, try swimming. It works.

Use Strategy, Not Emotion

I was an aggressive golfer, but I always knew the stakes. I got a feel for it during the gambling games I got into while training to be a professional under Charlie Earp at Royal Queensland. I was only 20 at the time, and Charlie was paying me $32 a week, so gambling was a necessary second income. I played against a lot of members. During one match, my partner, Cyril King, and I went down $800 after 16 holes. I didn't have $8 to my name, let alone $800, but I knew No. 17 was a par 5 and 18 was a tough par 4 -- a huge advantage for Cyril and me against our older opponents. We went double or nothing, and actually took home money after I finished eagle-birdie. Had 17 been a short par 3 and 18 a manageable par 4? Who knows if we would have doubled-down? But our decision was strategy-based, not an emotional one. Aggressive for sure, but also smart.

Find Your Happy Place

In 1986 I became the first player to win $1 million in a season. Some of the guys thought it was crazy money, but now you get $1 million for winning the Shriners [the Las Vegas Tour event]. So "crazy" is relative, but the Tour has set things up to let even halfway decent players make a comfy living. That was never my style. I saw endorsements, branding and business opportunities as the real trophies, and you can only get them when you're at the very top. The downside to becoming a brand is that everything I say or do gets scrutinized, and it can either hurt or help your business. So I watch my step and watch what I say. It's tough, but I wouldn't change it for the world. That's why I love being here [in Colorado]. I can do the things I like most and, well, disappear.

Broaden Your Horizons

I played professionally for seven years before taking my game to the U.S. I was anxious to play on the PGA Tour, but I felt I needed a world view before I could become dominant. So after playing in Australia, I toured in Asia and then Europe. You learn a lot when you're outside the Western world, the most important thing being how different people perceive you based on their culture, religion and ethics. It's a huge influence on the way I am today. The experience was a force that allowed me to succeed in America. It was a long road, so I consider my win at the 1984 Kemper Open as one of the highlights of my career. I had seen the world, won everywhere I went, and now I was doing it in the States. It was the moment I had officially arrived.

Be Open to New Ideas (Even If They're Not Yours)

The abyss of my professional career was my run-in with PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem over the World Tour, my idea for an international series of tournaments. It was a beautiful plan and good for golf. I had the support of numerous marquee players, a lucrative TV contract in place, and most important, I had structured it so that the players owned it. I've always believed that if you help build equity in something, you should receive some of the spoils. Unfortunately, Finchem and the media ripped me to shreds. They said I was trying to ruin the game. It got so bad that a lot of PGA club pros who carried Greg Norman Collection [clothes] began canceling their contracts. I was devastated, but I was so sure of the World Tour's promise that I called each one of them to explain my side of the story, because I was never offered the chance to do so with the PGA Tour. It took weeks. I asked each one to hear me out and draw his own conclusions. Everyone kept their contract. My tour never got off the ground, yet three years later the PGA Tour launched the World Golf Championships. I guess they didn't like the fact that it wasn't their idea.

It's poor policy to slay the dreamer just because he or she came up with a better plan. It's so against how I do things. If you came to me with something great that I had never thought of, I'd say, "Are you okay, or do you want help? Should we joint-venture?" If the answer is "no," I'm still going to support you, because your idea is fantastic. It didn't happen that way with Finchem and, honestly, it's one of the reasons I don't do certain things in golf anymore. I haven't played in a PGA-sanctioned event in 18 months. I don't see a reason to support an entity that tried to destroy my dream.

Find a Family Bond

Fostering common interests makes everything easier. Our family likes to do the same things, and I think that's what keeps us strong. We're big scuba people. My daughter, Morgan, is a master diver. We've been all over the world, and having that time with my kids has been huge. You can't sit around the house and do nothing. And it's not just with your children. My wife, Kiki [Kirsten], loves coming to the ranch as much as I do. Our shared interests make us closer.

A caveat: Let your kids find themselves in sport. You can't smother them like I see a lot of parents do. It's okay to be there on the periphery, but kids should develop on their own. They'll resent you if you play too heavy a hand.

Seize the Day

I've recently launched the Great White Shark Opportunity Fund, an asset-based financing company that helps small businesses. I never imagined doing such a thing, but with some of the things going on economically throughout the world, we saw an opportunity. I could have left it alone, but opportunity may not always be there. You have to at least consider ideas when they come across your desk. At the very least, consider the potential.

My first coach, Charlie Earp, had a phrase: "DIN & DIP." It means "Do It Now and Do It Properly," and it's the best piece of advice that's ever been lent to me or that I've passed along. If you have a task, commit to it, get it done, and then move on to the next challenge.

Think Vertically

My goal is to grow my brand on a global basis. I'm a fan of what Ralph Lauren has done with Polo and the horse logo. He built a brand, then pushed it in every direction. Lauren thinks vertically, and that's what I'm trying to do.

My course-design business holds the key. When someone comes to me with millions or even tens of millions of dollars to design a course as part of a real-estate development or resort, I know I can leverage it by, say, stocking the cellars with my wine, the pro shop with Greg Norman Collection clothing, the kitchen with my Greg Norman Australian Prime steaks. They're already investing in the value of my brand, so why not add some scale to it? I think it's a great model, and with 70 designs under my belt, so far so good.

Leave the Right Legacy

I'd like to see my logo live on in perpetuity after my death. That's the greatest compliment you can have. But my real legacy? It's my kids and my family. They're what's important. What I do outside of them—stuff that I enjoy -- is for me.

Be Happy for Others

I know how hard it is to be successful, so I get elated when others experience it. Like when Adam Scott won the Masters. I was so happy for him that I cried. It comes down to, don't be the jealous guy. Remember, things will outlast you. We're only here for a certain amount of time, so it's important to make decisions that are good for everyone around you, not just you.

Be a Mentor

If somebody asks me for help, I'm going to help them. Years ago back in Australia, Adam Scott came to me with a lot of great questions. Deep questions, like, "What's it like when you get to 40?" I don't lock my door to anybody. And now Adam's off and running, but we still stay in contact. When he won at Augusta National, it felt like I had won! Helping someone achieve their own success is just about the most rewarding thing you can do.

Commit to Golf and Life

Golf teaches you about who you are -- how you deal with failure, how you deal with success, how you deal with humility, how you deal with the public. Most people fail in at least a few areas, so you've got to work at it. I certainly had to. If you truly want to succeed at golf, business, life -- any endeavor -- you have to fully commit to it. It's not enough to only want it. The competition is too heavy. And if you're lucky enough to reach the top of whatever you do, then you actually have to work harder, because everyone underneath is gunning for you. Unfortunately, there's no quit.

Brought to you by Synergy Golf Solutions

[4seasonscountryclub]

Greg Norman: All I Know About Winning in Golf, Business and Life

The trek to Greg Norman's getaway in northwest Colorado is a roundabout one. The retreat is tucked away in a remote, evergreen-covered corner of this rugged state, an area so isolated that GPS is little help. An unmarked dirt road runs from the highway to his front door, uncoiling like the rattlesnakes that lurk in the brush. Driving for some 30 minutes, you feel lost. Definitely lost. Then his Rocky Mountain Xanadu appears: a 14,000-square-foot "cabin," two miles of fly-fishing nirvana, and wildlife at every turn. Norman's ranch is as beautiful and seemingly as vast as the snowcapped Rockies that encircle it. It's difficult to fathom how he parlayed "only" 20 PGA Tour wins into this.

Of course, the Shark was chasing much more than just trophies. Like Arnold Palmer before him, Greg Norman oozed charisma, both on and off the course. He bestrode fairways with a swashbuckling, take-no-prisoners (and look good doing it) style that made everyone notice. Prize money? That was chump change. Norman saw a worldwide brand as the ultimate reward, and he has gone on to amass a fortune that has been estimated at $400 million. Sure, there were bumps along the road. Take the well-publicized divorce from his first wife in 2006 that halved his assets (au revoir, $103 million); the heartbreaking near misses in eight majors; his clash with the PGA Tour over his World Tour brainchild, which he calls the low point of his career. But you don't become an icon by surrendering to adversity. "Failure makes you stronger," says Norman, 58, now three years into his third marriage (with interior designer Kirsten Kutner, 45). How strong? Great White Shark Enterprises operates 16 profitable ventures in areas ranging from real-estate development to turf research to prime beef sales. Like his ravenous namesake, the Great White Shark is far from satisfied. He's got big plans. Welcome to the success secrets of a man in full -- the guiding thoughts that helped a kid from Mount Isa, Australia, ascend from a $32-a-week job in a pro shop to the pinnacle of the golf world, and build his brand into a booming international business.

Do Your Homework

I became a good businessman because I was a good golfer. Golf taught me how to practice, formulate a strategy and then execute it -- a due-diligence process that also fuels good business decisions. Some people are naturals at business. I'm not, but I had a great education through golf.

Patience Is Underrated

I signed my first contract with Reebok in 1989. Paul Fireman, Reebok's CEO, had a dream for me, but eventually structured the deal so I could function as my own brand. That was huge. The more independent you can be in life, the better. But since I didn't have a lot of marketing or branding knowledge at the time, I was patient. I didn't go for the quick buck. I focused only on how big it could become. I'm lucky in that I have pretty good long-term vision. Why do I have it? I don't know. But here we are decades later -- and I've only reached 20 percent of what this company is capable of achieving.

I was a different person on the course. I wasn't as patient, because I didn't have to be. I knew everything about the game and was super-confident in my abilities. I played by the sword and died by it. Would I have changed some things about my game knowing what success in business has taught me? It's something that I'd consider. But don't get me wrong -- I have zero regrets.

Winning Is About Heart

A lot of people ask how I'd stack up against today's players if I had use of modern equipment. Listen, it's not about the gear. Winning is about what's in your heart and in your head. Equipment dictates how to play the game in an era, but the physical and mental skills are the same. And I had them. I never feared anything or anyone on the course, and I wasn't afraid to fail. So I think I'd do pretty well against Snead, Hogan, Tiger and Phil -- whoever. Tiger's a tough guy, but I was a tough guy on the course, too. I probably would have beat him.

Never Blame Your Tools

The best are always going to be the best, no matter what you chuck in their bag. Send five guys out on Augusta National with hickory-shafted clubs and gutta-percha balls, and the guy with the most talent will always win. Technology allows you to extract certain things from your equipment, but how you extract it is dependent upon your ability to swing the club. Science can only take you so far.

The Secret's in the Shaft

When I was young I read a lot of articles by Ben Hogan. He wrote pages on the stiffness and torque he used in his shafts. I remember thinking, Sh-t! I need to figure this out. I spent a lot of time trying different shafts and, when I found a good match, making sure the spine was set in the same place on every club. I got it right, so I can't figure out why today's pros can't do likewise. Take Rory [McIlory]. It's absurd to say he has gear issues. It's so easy to re-create the same specs and feel from one set to the next. Something else is going on [with him].

Play Within Your Limits

The biggest difference between weekend players and pros? Let's say we're both 100 yards from the pin -- a sand wedge for me and a gap wedge for you. I'll use my pitching wedge and swing at 70 percent. You'll hit your gap wedge at 100 percent. And you'll lose. Weekend players go for broke while pros look for a way to play the minimum.

Play with Precision

When I was playing my best, my caddie, Bruce Edwards, would give me half yardages -- as in, "Greg, you've got 147 and a half yards to the pin." Sounds extreme, but a half-yard is 18 inches, which often means the difference between "good chance" and "no chance" on the ensuing putt. Spend time getting to know your distances and how to be precise with them on the fly. You may not realize it, but the distance you hit the ball changes with the atmosphere. Those humid early-morning rounds? You're going to lose yards. Similarly, the ball will jump when it's hot or dry. Guys can drive it 300 yards today without blinking an eye, but it's still a precision game.

Keep Your Swing Simple

There are a lot of moving parts in the swing, but you can't worry about each and every one. Charlie Earp, my first coach, taught me to always keep the triangle formed by my shoulders and grip in front of my body, from start to finish. If you maintain the triangle as you rotate, everything else falls into place. I've used this tip for 35 years. Hold the triangle, get the club parallel at the top, then let 'er rip (see sequence, below).

Listen to Your Body

The last time you saw me on TV was probably during the 2008 British Open at Royal Birkdale, where I had the 54-hole lead before finishing third. That wasn't the swing you saw in the 1980s and '90s. My stance is wider now, and I stop my backswing short of parallel. I have to. My body can't take the stress of rotating anymore.

I used to be super-flexible -- I could even do splits. It was the source of my power, but it allowed me to overrotate. I developed so many stress fractures in my spine that I ended up needing surgery. Butch Harmon was the one to get me to widen my stance, which automatically limits rotation. I fought him at first, but then listened to what Mother Nature was telling me. And I darn near won that Open.

Golf places severe pressure on your joints, so you either have to take excellent care of your body or find a swing that isn't so taxing. We get older and more frail. That's life.

Find a Confidence Boost

Success breeds success. I started playing golf at age 16, and by the time I was 21 I was competing in professional events. I knew I was good, but I didn't know how good until the 1976 West Lakes Classic, an Australian Tour event held at the Grange G.C. in Adelaide. I was a complete nobody, and the field had Bruce Devlin, Bruce Crampton, David Graham, and a couple of guys from the PGA Tour. By the end of the third round I had a 10-shot lead. That was it for me. I knew right then and there that I could be great. Everyone needs a shot of confidence, and my victory at the Grange -- the first of 89 pro wins -- was it.

Build a Swing Foundation

I went from novice to scratch in two years. I was lucky in that the things I liked to do before I got into golf, mainly surfing, established foundations for my game. Surfing develops your core, lat muscles and shoulders -- the engines of your swing. Plus it gives you balance. When you're riding a wave your proprioceptors [sensory receptors that detect body position] are firing on all cylinders -- you learn balance very quickly. I've talked about how surfing helps your swing with [pro surfer] Kelly Slater. Kelly loves golf, and we agree that surfing makes you a better player. One moment you're perfectly calm waiting for a wave, and the next you're firing up and dropping in, just like when you're on the tee box getting ready to hit a shot. If you don't surf, try swimming. It works.

Use Strategy, Not Emotion

I was an aggressive golfer, but I always knew the stakes. I got a feel for it during the gambling games I got into while training to be a professional under Charlie Earp at Royal Queensland. I was only 20 at the time, and Charlie was paying me $32 a week, so gambling was a necessary second income. I played against a lot of members. During one match, my partner, Cyril King, and I went down $800 after 16 holes. I didn't have $8 to my name, let alone $800, but I knew No. 17 was a par 5 and 18 was a tough par 4 -- a huge advantage for Cyril and me against our older opponents. We went double or nothing, and actually took home money after I finished eagle-birdie. Had 17 been a short par 3 and 18 a manageable par 4? Who knows if we would have doubled-down? But our decision was strategy-based, not an emotional one. Aggressive for sure, but also smart.

Find Your Happy Place

In 1986 I became the first player to win $1 million in a season. Some of the guys thought it was crazy money, but now you get $1 million for winning the Shriners [the Las Vegas Tour event]. So "crazy" is relative, but the Tour has set things up to let even halfway decent players make a comfy living. That was never my style. I saw endorsements, branding and business opportunities as the real trophies, and you can only get them when you're at the very top. The downside to becoming a brand is that everything I say or do gets scrutinized, and it can either hurt or help your business. So I watch my step and watch what I say. It's tough, but I wouldn't change it for the world. That's why I love being here [in Colorado]. I can do the things I like most and, well, disappear.

Broaden Your Horizons

I played professionally for seven years before taking my game to the U.S. I was anxious to play on the PGA Tour, but I felt I needed a world view before I could become dominant. So after playing in Australia, I toured in Asia and then Europe. You learn a lot when you're outside the Western world, the most important thing being how different people perceive you based on their culture, religion and ethics. It's a huge influence on the way I am today. The experience was a force that allowed me to succeed in America. It was a long road, so I consider my win at the 1984 Kemper Open as one of the highlights of my career. I had seen the world, won everywhere I went, and now I was doing it in the States. It was the moment I had officially arrived.

Be Open to New Ideas (Even If They're Not Yours)

The abyss of my professional career was my run-in with PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem over the World Tour, my idea for an international series of tournaments. It was a beautiful plan and good for golf. I had the support of numerous marquee players, a lucrative TV contract in place, and most important, I had structured it so that the players owned it. I've always believed that if you help build equity in something, you should receive some of the spoils. Unfortunately, Finchem and the media ripped me to shreds. They said I was trying to ruin the game. It got so bad that a lot of PGA club pros who carried Greg Norman Collection [clothes] began canceling their contracts. I was devastated, but I was so sure of the World Tour's promise that I called each one of them to explain my side of the story, because I was never offered the chance to do so with the PGA Tour. It took weeks. I asked each one to hear me out and draw his own conclusions. Everyone kept their contract. My tour never got off the ground, yet three years later the PGA Tour launched the World Golf Championships. I guess they didn't like the fact that it wasn't their idea.

It's poor policy to slay the dreamer just because he or she came up with a better plan. It's so against how I do things. If you came to me with something great that I had never thought of, I'd say, "Are you okay, or do you want help? Should we joint-venture?" If the answer is "no," I'm still going to support you, because your idea is fantastic. It didn't happen that way with Finchem and, honestly, it's one of the reasons I don't do certain things in golf anymore. I haven't played in a PGA-sanctioned event in 18 months. I don't see a reason to support an entity that tried to destroy my dream.

Find a Family Bond

Fostering common interests makes everything easier. Our family likes to do the same things, and I think that's what keeps us strong. We're big scuba people. My daughter, Morgan, is a master diver. We've been all over the world, and having that time with my kids has been huge. You can't sit around the house and do nothing. And it's not just with your children. My wife, Kiki [Kirsten], loves coming to the ranch as much as I do. Our shared interests make us closer.

A caveat: Let your kids find themselves in sport. You can't smother them like I see a lot of parents do. It's okay to be there on the periphery, but kids should develop on their own. They'll resent you if you play too heavy a hand.

Seize the Day

I've recently launched the Great White Shark Opportunity Fund, an asset-based financing company that helps small businesses. I never imagined doing such a thing, but with some of the things going on economically throughout the world, we saw an opportunity. I could have left it alone, but opportunity may not always be there. You have to at least consider ideas when they come across your desk. At the very least, consider the potential.

My first coach, Charlie Earp, had a phrase: "DIN & DIP." It means "Do It Now and Do It Properly," and it's the best piece of advice that's ever been lent to me or that I've passed along. If you have a task, commit to it, get it done, and then move on to the next challenge.

Think Vertically

My goal is to grow my brand on a global basis. I'm a fan of what Ralph Lauren has done with Polo and the horse logo. He built a brand, then pushed it in every direction. Lauren thinks vertically, and that's what I'm trying to do.

My course-design business holds the key. When someone comes to me with millions or even tens of millions of dollars to design a course as part of a real-estate development or resort, I know I can leverage it by, say, stocking the cellars with my wine, the pro shop with Greg Norman Collection clothing, the kitchen with my Greg Norman Australian Prime steaks. They're already investing in the value of my brand, so why not add some scale to it? I think it's a great model, and with 70 designs under my belt, so far so good.

Leave the Right Legacy

I'd like to see my logo live on in perpetuity after my death. That's the greatest compliment you can have. But my real legacy? It's my kids and my family. They're what's important. What I do outside of them—stuff that I enjoy -- is for me.

Be Happy for Others

I know how hard it is to be successful, so I get elated when others experience it. Like when Adam Scott won the Masters. I was so happy for him that I cried. It comes down to, don't be the jealous guy. Remember, things will outlast you. We're only here for a certain amount of time, so it's important to make decisions that are good for everyone around you, not just you.

Be a Mentor

If somebody asks me for help, I'm going to help them. Years ago back in Australia, Adam Scott came to me with a lot of great questions. Deep questions, like, "What's it like when you get to 40?" I don't lock my door to anybody. And now Adam's off and running, but we still stay in contact. When he won at Augusta National, it felt like I had won! Helping someone achieve their own success is just about the most rewarding thing you can do.

Commit to Golf and Life

Golf teaches you about who you are -- how you deal with failure, how you deal with success, how you deal with humility, how you deal with the public. Most people fail in at least a few areas, so you've got to work at it. I certainly had to. If you truly want to succeed at golf, business, life -- any endeavor -- you have to fully commit to it. It's not enough to only want it. The competition is too heavy. And if you're lucky enough to reach the top of whatever you do, then you actually have to work harder, because everyone underneath is gunning for you. Unfortunately, there's no quit.

Brought to you by4 seasons Country Club

[hamiltongolfcourses]

Greg Norman: All I Know About Winning in Golf, Business and Life

The trek to Greg Norman's getaway in northwest Colorado is a roundabout one. The retreat is tucked away in a remote, evergreen-covered corner of this rugged state, an area so isolated that GPS is little help. An unmarked dirt road runs from the highway to his front door, uncoiling like the rattlesnakes that lurk in the brush. Driving for some 30 minutes, you feel lost. Definitely lost. Then his Rocky Mountain Xanadu appears: a 14,000-square-foot "cabin," two miles of fly-fishing nirvana, and wildlife at every turn. Norman's ranch is as beautiful and seemingly as vast as the snowcapped Rockies that encircle it. It's difficult to fathom how he parlayed "only" 20 PGA Tour wins into this.

Of course, the Shark was chasing much more than just trophies. Like Arnold Palmer before him, Greg Norman oozed charisma, both on and off the course. He bestrode fairways with a swashbuckling, take-no-prisoners (and look good doing it) style that made everyone notice. Prize money? That was chump change. Norman saw a worldwide brand as the ultimate reward, and he has gone on to amass a fortune that has been estimated at $400 million. Sure, there were bumps along the road. Take the well-publicized divorce from his first wife in 2006 that halved his assets (au revoir, $103 million); the heartbreaking near misses in eight majors; his clash with the PGA Tour over his World Tour brainchild, which he calls the low point of his career. But you don't become an icon by surrendering to adversity. "Failure makes you stronger," says Norman, 58, now three years into his third marriage (with interior designer Kirsten Kutner, 45). How strong? Great White Shark Enterprises operates 16 profitable ventures in areas ranging from real-estate development to turf research to prime beef sales. Like his ravenous namesake, the Great White Shark is far from satisfied. He's got big plans. Welcome to the success secrets of a man in full -- the guiding thoughts that helped a kid from Mount Isa, Australia, ascend from a $32-a-week job in a pro shop to the pinnacle of the golf world, and build his brand into a booming international business.

Do Your Homework

I became a good businessman because I was a good golfer. Golf taught me how to practice, formulate a strategy and then execute it -- a due-diligence process that also fuels good business decisions. Some people are naturals at business. I'm not, but I had a great education through golf.

Patience Is Underrated

I signed my first contract with Reebok in 1989. Paul Fireman, Reebok's CEO, had a dream for me, but eventually structured the deal so I could function as my own brand. That was huge. The more independent you can be in life, the better. But since I didn't have a lot of marketing or branding knowledge at the time, I was patient. I didn't go for the quick buck. I focused only on how big it could become. I'm lucky in that I have pretty good long-term vision. Why do I have it? I don't know. But here we are decades later -- and I've only reached 20 percent of what this company is capable of achieving.

I was a different person on the course. I wasn't as patient, because I didn't have to be. I knew everything about the game and was super-confident in my abilities. I played by the sword and died by it. Would I have changed some things about my game knowing what success in business has taught me? It's something that I'd consider. But don't get me wrong -- I have zero regrets.

Winning Is About Heart

A lot of people ask how I'd stack up against today's players if I had use of modern equipment. Listen, it's not about the gear. Winning is about what's in your heart and in your head. Equipment dictates how to play the game in an era, but the physical and mental skills are the same. And I had them. I never feared anything or anyone on the course, and I wasn't afraid to fail. So I think I'd do pretty well against Snead, Hogan, Tiger and Phil -- whoever. Tiger's a tough guy, but I was a tough guy on the course, too. I probably would have beat him.

Never Blame Your Tools

The best are always going to be the best, no matter what you chuck in their bag. Send five guys out on Augusta National with hickory-shafted clubs and gutta-percha balls, and the guy with the most talent will always win. Technology allows you to extract certain things from your equipment, but how you extract it is dependent upon your ability to swing the club. Science can only take you so far.

The Secret's in the Shaft

When I was young I read a lot of articles by Ben Hogan. He wrote pages on the stiffness and torque he used in his shafts. I remember thinking, Sh-t! I need to figure this out. I spent a lot of time trying different shafts and, when I found a good match, making sure the spine was set in the same place on every club. I got it right, so I can't figure out why today's pros can't do likewise. Take Rory [McIlory]. It's absurd to say he has gear issues. It's so easy to re-create the same specs and feel from one set to the next. Something else is going on [with him].

Play Within Your Limits

The biggest difference between weekend players and pros? Let's say we're both 100 yards from the pin -- a sand wedge for me and a gap wedge for you. I'll use my pitching wedge and swing at 70 percent. You'll hit your gap wedge at 100 percent. And you'll lose. Weekend players go for broke while pros look for a way to play the minimum.

Play with Precision

When I was playing my best, my caddie, Bruce Edwards, would give me half yardages -- as in, "Greg, you've got 147 and a half yards to the pin." Sounds extreme, but a half-yard is 18 inches, which often means the difference between "good chance" and "no chance" on the ensuing putt. Spend time getting to know your distances and how to be precise with them on the fly. You may not realize it, but the distance you hit the ball changes with the atmosphere. Those humid early-morning rounds? You're going to lose yards. Similarly, the ball will jump when it's hot or dry. Guys can drive it 300 yards today without blinking an eye, but it's still a precision game.

Keep Your Swing Simple

There are a lot of moving parts in the swing, but you can't worry about each and every one. Charlie Earp, my first coach, taught me to always keep the triangle formed by my shoulders and grip in front of my body, from start to finish. If you maintain the triangle as you rotate, everything else falls into place. I've used this tip for 35 years. Hold the triangle, get the club parallel at the top, then let 'er rip (see sequence, below).

Listen to Your Body

The last time you saw me on TV was probably during the 2008 British Open at Royal Birkdale, where I had the 54-hole lead before finishing third. That wasn't the swing you saw in the 1980s and '90s. My stance is wider now, and I stop my backswing short of parallel. I have to. My body can't take the stress of rotating anymore.

I used to be super-flexible -- I could even do splits. It was the source of my power, but it allowed me to overrotate. I developed so many stress fractures in my spine that I ended up needing surgery. Butch Harmon was the one to get me to widen my stance, which automatically limits rotation. I fought him at first, but then listened to what Mother Nature was telling me. And I darn near won that Open.

Golf places severe pressure on your joints, so you either have to take excellent care of your body or find a swing that isn't so taxing. We get older and more frail. That's life.

Find a Confidence Boost

Success breeds success. I started playing golf at age 16, and by the time I was 21 I was competing in professional events. I knew I was good, but I didn't know how good until the 1976 West Lakes Classic, an Australian Tour event held at the Grange G.C. in Adelaide. I was a complete nobody, and the field had Bruce Devlin, Bruce Crampton, David Graham, and a couple of guys from the PGA Tour. By the end of the third round I had a 10-shot lead. That was it for me. I knew right then and there that I could be great. Everyone needs a shot of confidence, and my victory at the Grange -- the first of 89 pro wins -- was it.

Build a Swing Foundation

I went from novice to scratch in two years. I was lucky in that the things I liked to do before I got into golf, mainly surfing, established foundations for my game. Surfing develops your core, lat muscles and shoulders -- the engines of your swing. Plus it gives you balance. When you're riding a wave your proprioceptors [sensory receptors that detect body position] are firing on all cylinders -- you learn balance very quickly. I've talked about how surfing helps your swing with [pro surfer] Kelly Slater. Kelly loves golf, and we agree that surfing makes you a better player. One moment you're perfectly calm waiting for a wave, and the next you're firing up and dropping in, just like when you're on the tee box getting ready to hit a shot. If you don't surf, try swimming. It works.

Use Strategy, Not Emotion

I was an aggressive golfer, but I always knew the stakes. I got a feel for it during the gambling games I got into while training to be a professional under Charlie Earp at Royal Queensland. I was only 20 at the time, and Charlie was paying me $32 a week, so gambling was a necessary second income. I played against a lot of members. During one match, my partner, Cyril King, and I went down $800 after 16 holes. I didn't have $8 to my name, let alone $800, but I knew No. 17 was a par 5 and 18 was a tough par 4 -- a huge advantage for Cyril and me against our older opponents. We went double or nothing, and actually took home money after I finished eagle-birdie. Had 17 been a short par 3 and 18 a manageable par 4? Who knows if we would have doubled-down? But our decision was strategy-based, not an emotional one. Aggressive for sure, but also smart.

Find Your Happy Place

In 1986 I became the first player to win $1 million in a season. Some of the guys thought it was crazy money, but now you get $1 million for winning the Shriners [the Las Vegas Tour event]. So "crazy" is relative, but the Tour has set things up to let even halfway decent players make a comfy living. That was never my style. I saw endorsements, branding and business opportunities as the real trophies, and you can only get them when you're at the very top. The downside to becoming a brand is that everything I say or do gets scrutinized, and it can either hurt or help your business. So I watch my step and watch what I say. It's tough, but I wouldn't change it for the world. That's why I love being here [in Colorado]. I can do the things I like most and, well, disappear.

Broaden Your Horizons

I played professionally for seven years before taking my game to the U.S. I was anxious to play on the PGA Tour, but I felt I needed a world view before I could become dominant. So after playing in Australia, I toured in Asia and then Europe. You learn a lot when you're outside the Western world, the most important thing being how different people perceive you based on their culture, religion and ethics. It's a huge influence on the way I am today. The experience was a force that allowed me to succeed in America. It was a long road, so I consider my win at the 1984 Kemper Open as one of the highlights of my career. I had seen the world, won everywhere I went, and now I was doing it in the States. It was the moment I had officially arrived.

Be Open to New Ideas (Even If They're Not Yours)

The abyss of my professional career was my run-in with PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem over the World Tour, my idea for an international series of tournaments. It was a beautiful plan and good for golf. I had the support of numerous marquee players, a lucrative TV contract in place, and most important, I had structured it so that the players owned it. I've always believed that if you help build equity in something, you should receive some of the spoils. Unfortunately, Finchem and the media ripped me to shreds. They said I was trying to ruin the game. It got so bad that a lot of PGA club pros who carried Greg Norman Collection [clothes] began canceling their contracts. I was devastated, but I was so sure of the World Tour's promise that I called each one of them to explain my side of the story, because I was never offered the chance to do so with the PGA Tour. It took weeks. I asked each one to hear me out and draw his own conclusions. Everyone kept their contract. My tour never got off the ground, yet three years later the PGA Tour launched the World Golf Championships. I guess they didn't like the fact that it wasn't their idea.

It's poor policy to slay the dreamer just because he or she came up with a better plan. It's so against how I do things. If you came to me with something great that I had never thought of, I'd say, "Are you okay, or do you want help? Should we joint-venture?" If the answer is "no," I'm still going to support you, because your idea is fantastic. It didn't happen that way with Finchem and, honestly, it's one of the reasons I don't do certain things in golf anymore. I haven't played in a PGA-sanctioned event in 18 months. I don't see a reason to support an entity that tried to destroy my dream.

Find a Family Bond

Fostering common interests makes everything easier. Our family likes to do the same things, and I think that's what keeps us strong. We're big scuba people. My daughter, Morgan, is a master diver. We've been all over the world, and having that time with my kids has been huge. You can't sit around the house and do nothing. And it's not just with your children. My wife, Kiki [Kirsten], loves coming to the ranch as much as I do. Our shared interests make us closer.

A caveat: Let your kids find themselves in sport. You can't smother them like I see a lot of parents do. It's okay to be there on the periphery, but kids should develop on their own. They'll resent you if you play too heavy a hand.

Seize the Day

I've recently launched the Great White Shark Opportunity Fund, an asset-based financing company that helps small businesses. I never imagined doing such a thing, but with some of the things going on economically throughout the world, we saw an opportunity. I could have left it alone, but opportunity may not always be there. You have to at least consider ideas when they come across your desk. At the very least, consider the potential.

My first coach, Charlie Earp, had a phrase: "DIN & DIP." It means "Do It Now and Do It Properly," and it's the best piece of advice that's ever been lent to me or that I've passed along. If you have a task, commit to it, get it done, and then move on to the next challenge.

Think Vertically

My goal is to grow my brand on a global basis. I'm a fan of what Ralph Lauren has done with Polo and the horse logo. He built a brand, then pushed it in every direction. Lauren thinks vertically, and that's what I'm trying to do.

My course-design business holds the key. When someone comes to me with millions or even tens of millions of dollars to design a course as part of a real-estate development or resort, I know I can leverage it by, say, stocking the cellars with my wine, the pro shop with Greg Norman Collection clothing, the kitchen with my Greg Norman Australian Prime steaks. They're already investing in the value of my brand, so why not add some scale to it? I think it's a great model, and with 70 designs under my belt, so far so good.

Leave the Right Legacy

I'd like to see my logo live on in perpetuity after my death. That's the greatest compliment you can have. But my real legacy? It's my kids and my family. They're what's important. What I do outside of them—stuff that I enjoy -- is for me.

Be Happy for Others

I know how hard it is to be successful, so I get elated when others experience it. Like when Adam Scott won the Masters. I was so happy for him that I cried. It comes down to, don't be the jealous guy. Remember, things will outlast you. We're only here for a certain amount of time, so it's important to make decisions that are good for everyone around you, not just you.

Be a Mentor

If somebody asks me for help, I'm going to help them. Years ago back in Australia, Adam Scott came to me with a lot of great questions. Deep questions, like, "What's it like when you get to 40?" I don't lock my door to anybody. And now Adam's off and running, but we still stay in contact. When he won at Augusta National, it felt like I had won! Helping someone achieve their own success is just about the most rewarding thing you can do.

Commit to Golf and Life

Golf teaches you about who you are -- how you deal with failure, how you deal with success, how you deal with humility, how you deal with the public. Most people fail in at least a few areas, so you've got to work at it. I certainly had to. If you truly want to succeed at golf, business, life -- any endeavor -- you have to fully commit to it. It's not enough to only want it. The competition is too heavy. And if you're lucky enough to reach the top of whatever you do, then you actually have to work harder, because everyone underneath is gunning for you. Unfortunately, there's no quit.

Brought to you by Southern Pines Golf & CC

[elmiragc]

Greg Norman: All I Know About Winning in Golf, Business and Life

The trek to Greg Norman's getaway in northwest Colorado is a roundabout one. The retreat is tucked away in a remote, evergreen-covered corner of this rugged state, an area so isolated that GPS is little help. An unmarked dirt road runs from the highway to his front door, uncoiling like the rattlesnakes that lurk in the brush. Driving for some 30 minutes, you feel lost. Definitely lost. Then his Rocky Mountain Xanadu appears: a 14,000-square-foot "cabin," two miles of fly-fishing nirvana, and wildlife at every turn. Norman's ranch is as beautiful and seemingly as vast as the snowcapped Rockies that encircle it. It's difficult to fathom how he parlayed "only" 20 PGA Tour wins into this.

Of course, the Shark was chasing much more than just trophies. Like Arnold Palmer before him, Greg Norman oozed charisma, both on and off the course. He bestrode fairways with a swashbuckling, take-no-prisoners (and look good doing it) style that made everyone notice. Prize money? That was chump change. Norman saw a worldwide brand as the ultimate reward, and he has gone on to amass a fortune that has been estimated at $400 million. Sure, there were bumps along the road. Take the well-publicized divorce from his first wife in 2006 that halved his assets (au revoir, $103 million); the heartbreaking near misses in eight majors; his clash with the PGA Tour over his World Tour brainchild, which he calls the low point of his career. But you don't become an icon by surrendering to adversity. "Failure makes you stronger," says Norman, 58, now three years into his third marriage (with interior designer Kirsten Kutner, 45). How strong? Great White Shark Enterprises operates 16 profitable ventures in areas ranging from real-estate development to turf research to prime beef sales. Like his ravenous namesake, the Great White Shark is far from satisfied. He's got big plans. Welcome to the success secrets of a man in full -- the guiding thoughts that helped a kid from Mount Isa, Australia, ascend from a $32-a-week job in a pro shop to the pinnacle of the golf world, and build his brand into a booming international business.

Do Your Homework

I became a good businessman because I was a good golfer. Golf taught me how to practice, formulate a strategy and then execute it -- a due-diligence process that also fuels good business decisions. Some people are naturals at business. I'm not, but I had a great education through golf.

Patience Is Underrated

I signed my first contract with Reebok in 1989. Paul Fireman, Reebok's CEO, had a dream for me, but eventually structured the deal so I could function as my own brand. That was huge. The more independent you can be in life, the better. But since I didn't have a lot of marketing or branding knowledge at the time, I was patient. I didn't go for the quick buck. I focused only on how big it could become. I'm lucky in that I have pretty good long-term vision. Why do I have it? I don't know. But here we are decades later -- and I've only reached 20 percent of what this company is capable of achieving.

I was a different person on the course. I wasn't as patient, because I didn't have to be. I knew everything about the game and was super-confident in my abilities. I played by the sword and died by it. Would I have changed some things about my game knowing what success in business has taught me? It's something that I'd consider. But don't get me wrong -- I have zero regrets.

Winning Is About Heart

A lot of people ask how I'd stack up against today's players if I had use of modern equipment. Listen, it's not about the gear. Winning is about what's in your heart and in your head. Equipment dictates how to play the game in an era, but the physical and mental skills are the same. And I had them. I never feared anything or anyone on the course, and I wasn't afraid to fail. So I think I'd do pretty well against Snead, Hogan, Tiger and Phil -- whoever. Tiger's a tough guy, but I was a tough guy on the course, too. I probably would have beat him.

Never Blame Your Tools

The best are always going to be the best, no matter what you chuck in their bag. Send five guys out on Augusta National with hickory-shafted clubs and gutta-percha balls, and the guy with the most talent will always win. Technology allows you to extract certain things from your equipment, but how you extract it is dependent upon your ability to swing the club. Science can only take you so far.

The Secret's in the Shaft

When I was young I read a lot of articles by Ben Hogan. He wrote pages on the stiffness and torque he used in his shafts. I remember thinking, Sh-t! I need to figure this out. I spent a lot of time trying different shafts and, when I found a good match, making sure the spine was set in the same place on every club. I got it right, so I can't figure out why today's pros can't do likewise. Take Rory [McIlory]. It's absurd to say he has gear issues. It's so easy to re-create the same specs and feel from one set to the next. Something else is going on [with him].

Play Within Your Limits

The biggest difference between weekend players and pros? Let's say we're both 100 yards from the pin -- a sand wedge for me and a gap wedge for you. I'll use my pitching wedge and swing at 70 percent. You'll hit your gap wedge at 100 percent. And you'll lose. Weekend players go for broke while pros look for a way to play the minimum.

Play with Precision

When I was playing my best, my caddie, Bruce Edwards, would give me half yardages -- as in, "Greg, you've got 147 and a half yards to the pin." Sounds extreme, but a half-yard is 18 inches, which often means the difference between "good chance" and "no chance" on the ensuing putt. Spend time getting to know your distances and how to be precise with them on the fly. You may not realize it, but the distance you hit the ball changes with the atmosphere. Those humid early-morning rounds? You're going to lose yards. Similarly, the ball will jump when it's hot or dry. Guys can drive it 300 yards today without blinking an eye, but it's still a precision game.

Keep Your Swing Simple

There are a lot of moving parts in the swing, but you can't worry about each and every one. Charlie Earp, my first coach, taught me to always keep the triangle formed by my shoulders and grip in front of my body, from start to finish. If you maintain the triangle as you rotate, everything else falls into place. I've used this tip for 35 years. Hold the triangle, get the club parallel at the top, then let 'er rip (see sequence, below).

Listen to Your Body

The last time you saw me on TV was probably during the 2008 British Open at Royal Birkdale, where I had the 54-hole lead before finishing third. That wasn't the swing you saw in the 1980s and '90s. My stance is wider now, and I stop my backswing short of parallel. I have to. My body can't take the stress of rotating anymore.

I used to be super-flexible -- I could even do splits. It was the source of my power, but it allowed me to overrotate. I developed so many stress fractures in my spine that I ended up needing surgery. Butch Harmon was the one to get me to widen my stance, which automatically limits rotation. I fought him at first, but then listened to what Mother Nature was telling me. And I darn near won that Open.

Golf places severe pressure on your joints, so you either have to take excellent care of your body or find a swing that isn't so taxing. We get older and more frail. That's life.

Find a Confidence Boost

Success breeds success. I started playing golf at age 16, and by the time I was 21 I was competing in professional events. I knew I was good, but I didn't know how good until the 1976 West Lakes Classic, an Australian Tour event held at the Grange G.C. in Adelaide. I was a complete nobody, and the field had Bruce Devlin, Bruce Crampton, David Graham, and a couple of guys from the PGA Tour. By the end of the third round I had a 10-shot lead. That was it for me. I knew right then and there that I could be great. Everyone needs a shot of confidence, and my victory at the Grange -- the first of 89 pro wins -- was it.

Build a Swing Foundation

I went from novice to scratch in two years. I was lucky in that the things I liked to do before I got into golf, mainly surfing, established foundations for my game. Surfing develops your core, lat muscles and shoulders -- the engines of your swing. Plus it gives you balance. When you're riding a wave your proprioceptors [sensory receptors that detect body position] are firing on all cylinders -- you learn balance very quickly. I've talked about how surfing helps your swing with [pro surfer] Kelly Slater. Kelly loves golf, and we agree that surfing makes you a better player. One moment you're perfectly calm waiting for a wave, and the next you're firing up and dropping in, just like when you're on the tee box getting ready to hit a shot. If you don't surf, try swimming. It works.

Use Strategy, Not Emotion

I was an aggressive golfer, but I always knew the stakes. I got a feel for it during the gambling games I got into while training to be a professional under Charlie Earp at Royal Queensland. I was only 20 at the time, and Charlie was paying me $32 a week, so gambling was a necessary second income. I played against a lot of members. During one match, my partner, Cyril King, and I went down $800 after 16 holes. I didn't have $8 to my name, let alone $800, but I knew No. 17 was a par 5 and 18 was a tough par 4 -- a huge advantage for Cyril and me against our older opponents. We went double or nothing, and actually took home money after I finished eagle-birdie. Had 17 been a short par 3 and 18 a manageable par 4? Who knows if we would have doubled-down? But our decision was strategy-based, not an emotional one. Aggressive for sure, but also smart.

Find Your Happy Place

In 1986 I became the first player to win $1 million in a season. Some of the guys thought it was crazy money, but now you get $1 million for winning the Shriners [the Las Vegas Tour event]. So "crazy" is relative, but the Tour has set things up to let even halfway decent players make a comfy living. That was never my style. I saw endorsements, branding and business opportunities as the real trophies, and you can only get them when you're at the very top. The downside to becoming a brand is that everything I say or do gets scrutinized, and it can either hurt or help your business. So I watch my step and watch what I say. It's tough, but I wouldn't change it for the world. That's why I love being here [in Colorado]. I can do the things I like most and, well, disappear.

Broaden Your Horizons

I played professionally for seven years before taking my game to the U.S. I was anxious to play on the PGA Tour, but I felt I needed a world view before I could become dominant. So after playing in Australia, I toured in Asia and then Europe. You learn a lot when you're outside the Western world, the most important thing being how different people perceive you based on their culture, religion and ethics. It's a huge influence on the way I am today. The experience was a force that allowed me to succeed in America. It was a long road, so I consider my win at the 1984 Kemper Open as one of the highlights of my career. I had seen the world, won everywhere I went, and now I was doing it in the States. It was the moment I had officially arrived.

Be Open to New Ideas (Even If They're Not Yours)

The abyss of my professional career was my run-in with PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem over the World Tour, my idea for an international series of tournaments. It was a beautiful plan and good for golf. I had the support of numerous marquee players, a lucrative TV contract in place, and most important, I had structured it so that the players owned it. I've always believed that if you help build equity in something, you should receive some of the spoils. Unfortunately, Finchem and the media ripped me to shreds. They said I was trying to ruin the game. It got so bad that a lot of PGA club pros who carried Greg Norman Collection [clothes] began canceling their contracts. I was devastated, but I was so sure of the World Tour's promise that I called each one of them to explain my side of the story, because I was never offered the chance to do so with the PGA Tour. It took weeks. I asked each one to hear me out and draw his own conclusions. Everyone kept their contract. My tour never got off the ground, yet three years later the PGA Tour launched the World Golf Championships. I guess they didn't like the fact that it wasn't their idea.

It's poor policy to slay the dreamer just because he or she came up with a better plan. It's so against how I do things. If you came to me with something great that I had never thought of, I'd say, "Are you okay, or do you want help? Should we joint-venture?" If the answer is "no," I'm still going to support you, because your idea is fantastic. It didn't happen that way with Finchem and, honestly, it's one of the reasons I don't do certain things in golf anymore. I haven't played in a PGA-sanctioned event in 18 months. I don't see a reason to support an entity that tried to destroy my dream.

Find a Family Bond

Fostering common interests makes everything easier. Our family likes to do the same things, and I think that's what keeps us strong. We're big scuba people. My daughter, Morgan, is a master diver. We've been all over the world, and having that time with my kids has been huge. You can't sit around the house and do nothing. And it's not just with your children. My wife, Kiki [Kirsten], loves coming to the ranch as much as I do. Our shared interests make us closer.

A caveat: Let your kids find themselves in sport. You can't smother them like I see a lot of parents do. It's okay to be there on the periphery, but kids should develop on their own. They'll resent you if you play too heavy a hand.

Seize the Day

I've recently launched the Great White Shark Opportunity Fund, an asset-based financing company that helps small businesses. I never imagined doing such a thing, but with some of the things going on economically throughout the world, we saw an opportunity. I could have left it alone, but opportunity may not always be there. You have to at least consider ideas when they come across your desk. At the very least, consider the potential.

My first coach, Charlie Earp, had a phrase: "DIN & DIP." It means "Do It Now and Do It Properly," and it's the best piece of advice that's ever been lent to me or that I've passed along. If you have a task, commit to it, get it done, and then move on to the next challenge.

Think Vertically

My goal is to grow my brand on a global basis. I'm a fan of what Ralph Lauren has done with Polo and the horse logo. He built a brand, then pushed it in every direction. Lauren thinks vertically, and that's what I'm trying to do.

My course-design business holds the key. When someone comes to me with millions or even tens of millions of dollars to design a course as part of a real-estate development or resort, I know I can leverage it by, say, stocking the cellars with my wine, the pro shop with Greg Norman Collection clothing, the kitchen with my Greg Norman Australian Prime steaks. They're already investing in the value of my brand, so why not add some scale to it? I think it's a great model, and with 70 designs under my belt, so far so good.

Leave the Right Legacy

I'd like to see my logo live on in perpetuity after my death. That's the greatest compliment you can have. But my real legacy? It's my kids and my family. They're what's important. What I do outside of them—stuff that I enjoy -- is for me.

Be Happy for Others

I know how hard it is to be successful, so I get elated when others experience it. Like when Adam Scott won the Masters. I was so happy for him that I cried. It comes down to, don't be the jealous guy. Remember, things will outlast you. We're only here for a certain amount of time, so it's important to make decisions that are good for everyone around you, not just you.

Be a Mentor

If somebody asks me for help, I'm going to help them. Years ago back in Australia, Adam Scott came to me with a lot of great questions. Deep questions, like, "What's it like when you get to 40?" I don't lock my door to anybody. And now Adam's off and running, but we still stay in contact. When he won at Augusta National, it felt like I had won! Helping someone achieve their own success is just about the most rewarding thing you can do.

Commit to Golf and Life

Golf teaches you about who you are -- how you deal with failure, how you deal with success, how you deal with humility, how you deal with the public. Most people fail in at least a few areas, so you've got to work at it. I certainly had to. If you truly want to succeed at golf, business, life -- any endeavor -- you have to fully commit to it. It's not enough to only want it. The competition is too heavy. And if you're lucky enough to reach the top of whatever you do, then you actually have to work harder, because everyone underneath is gunning for you. Unfortunately, there's no quit.

Brought to you by Elmira Golf Club