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#I tried to keep it together by taking breaks and filling those with things I enjoy like art but I can barely concentrate on anything
a-hazbin-reader · 7 months
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What would Alastor and his wife's honeymoon be like?
Alive? Alive.
Alastor X Reader Headcanons
✅️ Romantic
❌️Platonic
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TW: Suggestive!! Traumatized taxi driver, MISCHIEF
Description: ☝️⬆️
I imagine Alastor wouldn't want to go very far for his honeymoon, liking to stay in the general area should his mother need him
Expect a lake house or cabin, something with fresh open air, water to swim in and all the amenities of home
It'll be beautiful but secluded, just you and your new husband for the foreseeable future
Alastor is positively giddy the entire ride there, unable to stop looking at you and kissing you whenever he can
You would almost be embarrassed if it weren't for the fact that you were just as delirious with happiness
You two could barely keep off of each other, cuddling and holding each other as if scared one of you would dissappear
He's kissing along your arm in an almost cartoonish manner when you two arrive, the taxi driver having to cough awkwardly for his attention
Your husband doesn't even try to look embarrassed, holding you close to him as he pays the driver
Alastor is smug, not at all bothered by the way you blush and clutch at him to hide your face from the flustered driver
He still can't believe that you're his wife now, never having thought he would be the type to marry
He never thought he would enjoy looking for engagement rings or feel nervous at the idea of proposing, but you changed all that
And now he has you as his wife, something that fills him with pride whenever he thinks about it
He will insist on carrying you over the threshold, not matter how much you squirm and blush-he just eats that shit up anyways
Doesn't immediately rush into sex and breaking in the new marriage, instead wanting to help you unpack
Good because you two still need to pay the driver-
"Darling, let your husband carry that~ It's quite heavy~"
"Honey, your wife is capable of carrying a suitcase."
He doesn't miss the way you roll your eyes and shake your head to hide a fond smile from him
You love this ridiculous man
Alastor does, however, keep pinning you against every bit of furniture and kissing you like it's the last time he'll ever get to
You can't help but wrap your arms around him and return the kiss, turning it into an impromptu make-out session
He leaves you whimpering and weak in the knees each time before going off and getting more of your things
The driver wishes you two would just PLEASE hurry up so he can GO
Please, there's something terrifying about your husband, and you keep coming back more and more disheveled, and is that lipstick on your husband's neck-
The place you two stay at is absolutely beautiful, Alastor having thought of everything he could to impress you
Sun, a cool breeze, flowers blooming and dropping petals all around the property-it's all just quite romantic
He keeps kissing your hand, lips hovering over your wedding ring as he gazes at it with pride
Your first night together as a married couple is terribly passionate and steamy, the two of you finally letting loose all those building urges
All that time together and you had only known Alastor to be a gentleman, not this intense man hell bent on leaving your legs shaking and voice hoarse
Sure, he's just a man, but you're certain you saw a demon in bed with you that night, biting and clawing at any part of you he can reach
Not that you minded, it only served to make everything more real for you, each mark and jolt of pleasure proof that this wasn't just a dream
Plus, you gave back everything he gave you so you two are even
You don't want to get out of bed the next day, whining and clinging to your husband as he tries to get up
"Come now, darling, we can take a hot bath to soothe those muscles then get some breakfast~"
You still pout, but let him carry you to the bathroom, FORCING him to brush his teeth before any morning kisses come your way
The bath is heaven on your body, leaning back against your husband and letting him kiss and nip along your neck and shoulders
He's almost reverent with the way his hands glide over your skin, making you shudder and sigh against his chest
You both get distracted and the water has gone cold by the time you two manage to leave the bath
It's almost like you two are teenagers, giggling, kissing and holding hands like it's something new for you
You two cook every meal together, practically glued at the hip or with Alastor stuck to your back
Insists that you let him try a bite of everything just so he can be fed by you and watch you blush because he's nipping your fingers each time
"I'm going to put a muzzle on you if you keep it up, mister."
"Don't threaten me with a good time, darling~"
"You're impossible."
If you wanna go swimming that's great but just know that this man WILL throw his wife into the water
Even if you just happen to mention it then suddenly he's picking you up and walking you out to the dock
"ALASTOR NO!! LET ME GET MY SWIMSUIT ON FI-AAAAAAHHH!"
Has the most shit eating grin on his face as he kneels down to look at you but will flail and lose it if you drag him in with you
"Well, that's a rude thing to do to your new husband."
You just laugh and wrap your arms around him, brushing noses with your husband
"Get used to it, honey~"
Totally no water kisses or almost drowning each other because you guys play too much
If you want to go on a boat ride in the water, then he'll happily do that for you, rowing you out to the middle of the lake
It's absolutely an excuse to push him into the water and leave him out there as revenge for his earlier prank
"Darling, come back! I've learned my lesson!"
All these water shenanigans are totally not an excuse for either of you to hug the other while wrapping them up in a towel
Or laying together under the sun until you dry off
Lots of cuddling together on the porch swing during the evenings to watch the sunsets together and maybe catching a few fireflies
He'll stargaze with you at night as long as you promise to stay glued to his side, he uses the excuse that he needs you for warmth
Maybe it leads to sex under the stars maybe it doesn't, just know he'll have to carry you inside
If there's a hammock, then he will beg you to lay with him and relax, he'll talk to you about anything and everything if you do
You two take naps together in the hammock
He calls his mother at least once a day the entire time you two are on your honeymoon, only to be flabbergasted when she doesn't want to talk to him
"Alastor, honey... I'm fine, spend time with your wife and quit worrying about me!"
It's actually kinda cute to watch him pout and sulk with his head in your lap, stroking his hair to soothe him
"I just wanted to check on her!"
"Yes yes, you're a good boy, Alastor...~"
He just groans and buries his face in your stomach
He takes you out for a lot of romantic walks in the woods, and you're so enamored with how beautiful everything is that you miss the way your husband looks at you
He just thinks you're the most beautiful thing here and can't look away from you, can't believe you're his wife
Every single time you think you're lost, your husband always knows which way to go, navigating the woods with ease
Alastor will carry every cool rock or pretty flower you find, amused by your antics but secretly keeping an eye out for his own forest treasures
He found a small animal skull and was quite proud of it
At some point, all your precious items are dropped on the forest floor, and you find yourself pushed up against a tree and kissed by your husband
His hands purposefully slide up your clothes and you two end up having a quick romp in the forest
You're then half embarrassed and half swooning over the fact that Alastor starts carving your names into the tree you two just soiled
"Are you marking your territory right now? Is that it?"
He just chuckles and shakes his head, concentrating on getting the heart around your names just right
"I'm making it our special tree, so we can always find it when we visit~"
Ugh, how did you get this man to marry you???
You two don't get back until it's dark, when suddenly you have to stop and grab Alastor's arm to keep him from moving
"Did you hear something?"
He's on full alert, immediately wrapping a protective arm around you and gazing into the darkness ahead of you both
He seems almost predatory like this, gaze sharp and intense, you aren't sure if you'd want to run into your husband in the dark
There's the sound of snapping sticks and rustling leaves, getting closer-
He squints and adjusts his glasses before suddenly relaxing and chuckling softly before whispering to you
"Are you scared of a little deer, darling~?"
You peer out into the darkness, following Alastor's arm until you see two deer walking together
You sigh in relief and lean against your husband, who kisses your forehead fondly and rubs your arm
"Do you think they're on a honeymoon too?"
He chuckles and gives you a squeeze, resting his chin on your head as he hums in contemplation
"I don't imagine that buck plans on sticking around, let alone getting married to the doe. He's probably going to leave her as soon as he finds out he's going to be a father."
You snort and roll your eyes at his less than romantic answer, he could've just gone with it
"Hmph. Typical man. Good thing I got the only good one around~"
"Aren't you lucky~?"
You two stay and watch the deer until they leave, heading back to your temporary residence
How are you NOT supposed to be turned on by your husband fearlessly protecting you against an unknown foe?? He doesn't know what hit him as you push him onto the bed-
He dramatically pulls the covers up to his chin later, giving you a shocked look as you slip on your nightgown
"Just what got into you? You USED me!"
He gestures to the fresh love bite on his neck and his clothes that have been thrown around the room
"It's nothing you haven't been doing to me the entire time~"
You give a wink and blow him a kiss before crawling into bed with him, wrapping your arms around your husband happily
He falls asleep first this time and you'll have to take his glasses off so that he doesn't lose them in the sheets
You two don't want to leave when your honeymoon is over, feeling like time flew by too fast
You two help each other pack up, stealing kisses each time you pass each other
You managed to get one more shower together before you had to leave. Miraculously, neither of you slipped during your...activities
It's the same taxi driver as before which Alastor thinks is hilarious because the man so obviously remembers you both
It's a quiet but happy ride back home, the two of your holding hands and sneaking loving glances at each other as you stare out your respective windows
His thumb is rubbing over your hand the entire ride back, brushing over your wedding ring
It still hasn't fully settled for either of you that you're married now, both of you having difficulties imagining getting used to such a fact
But it makes you both happy and you two can't wait to come back here on your anniversary
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HERE! TAKE IT!!
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strang3lov3 · 10 months
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Pharmacy
Summary: (mall rats 6) Surrounded by medical supplies is a convenient time to slice your hand open. Joel wrestles your stubborn ass to treat your wound, then fucks you how you like.
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Tags: Jar Jar Binks, Star Wars opinions, manhandling, descriptions of injuries (I tried to keep it as short and sweet as I could, bc I myself am a squeamish girl!! I was squirming the whole time writing this!!!) blowjobs, f masturbation, kinda rough unprotected PIV, creampie, dirty talk, reader and Joel have googly eyes for each other
A/N: as always thank you so much @papipascalispunk for editing. Thank you all for your continued patience with my writing, I am a busy busy lady and you may not get another fic from me for two weeks or more with the whole finals thing, but I do have lots of shit planned! One thing at a time bug one thing at a time. I wish I could write smut for my history of Indiana final essay but I don’t think that would fly with my nun-obsessed professor. Also, thank you @noxturnalpascal and @speckledemerald for hyping me up ❤️❤️
Joel is standing in front of a map of the mall, studying it intently. It’s been a while since you’ve been at the mall with Joel, actually. With the weather getting worse with more and more snow, Tommy is trying to keep travel limited to patrol. Supply runs for necessities only, and Jackson is in need of medical supplies. Rubbing alcohol, gauze, bandages, first aid supplies. There’s actually a medical building not far from Jackson, but it’s pretty well picked over at this point. 
“Mall has a pharmacy. A CVS or Walgreens, somethin’ like that. I’ll go,” Joel had volunteered in Tommy’s office. 
“I’ll come too,” you added as you were helping Tommy fill out patrol logs.
Joel sighed, “No.” 
“Why not?”
“Supposed to be a quick trip. In and out. Don’t need you gettin’ distracted by lotions and perfumes again.”
“Those are necessities,” you argue, “Besides, buddy system. It’s important for us to stick together.” 
“We are not buddies,” Joel scoffed. Tommy raised his eyebrows in amusement.
“No? What are we, then?” 
Joel opened his mouth as if to answer with something sharp and argumentative, but no words came out. His cheeks turned rosy as you both shared an odd look, with Joel’s hands frozen on the buttons of his coat. The pencil you wrote with felt heavy in your hand, held awkwardly on the paper as you stared at Joel. You didn’t mean for that question to come out the way it did. What was the answer to the question, anyway? 
Tommy filled the silence with his own answer. “I know what y’all are,” he smirked. 
Joel shot Tommy a warning look, then took your jacket from behind your chair and held it open for you. “Let’s go, then,” he said. You put your arms through the sleeves, zipped yourself up and left. You could hear Tommy chuckling to himself as you walked out with Joel.
You rode horseback to the mall. Still feeling awkward from the interaction at Tommy’s, you both stayed silent, but the ride wasn’t uncomfortable. You hugged Joel tightly, and Joel savored the warmth of your cheek on his back. 
“Found it,” Joel taps the map, “I remember now. It’s downstairs.”
“Ha!” you brag, “I told you. I knew it was downstairs. I was right.” 
“Yeah, yeah. We’ll throw a party when we get home,” Joel replied, taking off towards the dilapidated staircase. You follow close behind, dragging your fingers against the railing, letting your hand tap each of the thin rods that support it. One breaks off and falls with a clatter. Joel doesn’t bother turning around to see what it was. “You break these stairs, you find us a new way out of here,” he warns. Dramatic. You pick up the thin rail and twirl it as you walk behind Joel, then poke his ass with the piece of metal. Already exhausted by you, he sighs, “What’d you find now, trouble?”
“Lightsaber,” you answer. 
“What?” Joel tilts his head and turns around to finally see what all the noise and clattering was. You’re holding one of the thin rods from the railing, still twirling it. “No, put that down,” he tells you, “You’re gonna give yourself tetanus. Put it down, sweetheart.”
“Ellie lent me this DVD. Did you ever see this old movie, Star Wars?”
“Quit while you’re ahead,” Joel grumbles, rolling his eyes and shaking his head, “Ain’t that old, smartass. And of course I’ve watched Star Wars, who do you think introduced it to her?”
“Oh,” you reply, “Well, there was this character, Jar Jar–”
“Nope,” Joel cuts you off, “You’re done. Lost your talkin’ privileges. Drop your lightsaber and zip it.”
Still twirling the rod you ask, “You don’t like Star Wars?”
“I like Star Wars. What you watched is not Star Wars.”
“Yes it is, Joel. It was on the DVD.” 
Joel turns back around and keeps walking, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 
“Yeah I do. Mesa–”
Joel interrupts, “Do not finish that sentence,” he warns, “God, that movie was so stupid. Took Sarah to see it when it came out, we ended up leavin’ halfway through and gettin’ ice cream instead.” You watch Joel smile at the memory as you approach the pharmacy and he holds the door open for you. You smile with him. Joel doesn’t talk about Sarah much with you, but he mentions her now and then, at least more than he used to.
You and Joel find the first aid aisle of the pharmacy. He knows what to look for, so he peruses the aisles and stuffs his bag full of supplies. Watching him bend over, you can’t help but poke his ass again. “Knock it off, space cadet,” he says, annoyed.
You giggle to yourself and toss the rod aside. You hadn’t realized the end that you were holding was damaged when you broke it off the railing. Fuck. It’s sharp, jagged, and slices your palm all the way across. The rod clangs on the ground and startles Joel. 
Joel turns around to see the rod on the ground, and you clutching your fist tightly. “What’s in your hand?”
“Nothing,” you answer, feeling your hand become warm and wet. 
Joel connects the dots. He bends over and checks the rod for rust and there’s none, thank god. But the end is very jagged, almost serrated like a knife. “Open your hand.”
“No,” pressing your lips together, you lower your gaze and open your fist slightly to check your hand, then quickly shut it. Joel watches your eyes go wide and the color draining from your face. “It’s n–mmm,” you hum, your voice shaky, “I’m fine.” 
“You’re not fine,” Joel reaches for your hand, “You’re hurt. Need to see how deep that cut is, clean it and–”
You shove Joel backward with your free hand, and he looks momentarily taken aback. There was a lot more strength behind that shove than he would have anticipated. You’re not playing, not teasing like usual. “Do you wanna try that again?” he asks, his voice firm.
“Don’t touch me.” 
Joel takes in your expression. You’re not trying to start a fight with him, you look worried, anxious, and defensive with pale lips and trembling hands. You had mentioned not handling blood or pain well before, but he didn’t know you were this squeamish, you poor thing. “I have to, hon.”
“Joel…”
Joel raises a hand in your direction, “Don’t argue with me on this. You need to sit down, I can tell you’re gettin’ freaked.”
“Joel,” you say his name again in a warning tone, much sharper than before. 
“I know,” he says softly, as he steps closer to you, and you step back, your feet hitting the wall behind you. You’re feeling more amped up now. “Just let me look,” as he reaches for your wrist and pulls you closer, his grip tightening when you struggle against him and try to pull your arm away. “Quit squrimin’,” he grits his teeth as he fights against your strength. Minding his own strength, and with one hand gripping your wrist, he moves the other to your shoulder and forces you to the ground as gently as he can. A sliced hand is bad enough, he doesn’t need you fainting and cracking your skull open. You kick your legs and punch against him, but he pins his body on top of yours, your free hand between your body and his leg.
“Get the fuck off me, Joel,” you spit, “Get off, get off, get–”
“Hey. Hey,” he says, his voice firm yet gentle, “Breathe, sweetheart. I know you’re nervous.”
You stare at Joel with fiery eyes, breathing heavily through your nose. Shallow breaths, probably not getting enough oxygen to your brain, but at least you’re breathing. Joel gives you a moment to settle down.
“I need you to listen to me,” he tells you, “I don’t know how deep your cut is. I need you to let me look.”
“Please,” you beg, “Please don’t.”
“I’m gonna be gentle,” Joel promises as he flips your wrist up, gently beginning to pry your fingers open, “You look at me. Don’t look at your hand. Just look at me. Will you trust me?” 
Nodding apprehensively, you keep your focus on Joel. He nods in response, then examines your palm. He bites his cheek and frowns. 
“Is it bad?” you ask shakily.
“Uhh,” he hums, “It’s not good,” he answers you honestly. You’re cut in multiple areas and by the looks of it, the gashes go pretty deep. “You might need stitches.”
Fuck that. You squirm under Joel with all of your might to force him off of you. 
“Stop thrashin’. Stop it,” he says, holding your jaw firmly and looking into your eyes, “I’m not gonna stitch ya. We can cross that bridge when we get to Jackson. But you are risking infection. So I’m going to stop the bleeding, wash it, disinfect, then wrap your hand. That’s all.”
He has a tendency to get frustrated with you, and you’re sure he’s beyond frustrated with you right now, but he’s not showing it. He looks sincere, but you’re still on edge and lacking assurance. “Promise?” you whisper.
“I swear,” he assures softly, rubbing your jaw gently with his thumb. When you nod in response, Joel takes his coat off and folds it, then slides it under your head. He needs you as comfortable as you can be. 
“We are gonna have to amputate, though,” he jokes as he pulls out a rag from his bag and presses it into your hand. You give him a dirty look. “Kidding,” he says. 
Joel removes the rag to see if your hand is still bleeding. You catch a glimpse of the cut and the blood in your palm, running down your wrist, “Oh god, my hand, Joel–”
“Don’t look,” he repeats, “Just keep lookin’ at me, sweetheart.”
But you don’t. You can’t seem to peel your eyes away, and you feel lightheaded. Joel notices.
“Tell me somethin’ new,” he says, distracting you from the pain.
“Joel, please,” you whine.
“Somethin’ new,” he reminds you.
“I saw a cat yesterday.”
Joel nods in response. “What color?” he asks.
“Uh, calico,” you reply. He’s reaching into his bag, pulling out his canteen and rinsing your hand out with his water. The cool water feels soothing on your palm. 
“What’s calico?”
“It’s when a cat has three colors, Joel,” you answer impatiently, as if the answer should be glaringly obvious to him. “Fuck,”  you hiss, as he pats the wound dry. The fabric feels irritating and painful against you. 
“Tell me more. Tell me good things.”
Following his instructions, you begin rambling. It’s not hard once you start. “I saw a cat and I kicked Tommy’s ass in a board game and his baby is so cute, by the way. Almost as cute as the cat.”
“You think cats are cuter than babies?”
“Obviously. Babies are gross and they’re noisy and I finished the sweater I was crocheting for Maria and the snow looks pretty and I love you and I…” 
Joel pauses his work on your hand momentarily. He doesn't hear anything else you say after those three words. I love you. It’s a fuzzy sort of quiet, he’s in disbelief. I love you. When your hand twitches, he pulls his focus back to you.
“...And I watched Star Wars.”
“Yeah,” he replies quietly, “You said that already, you said–”
“I did? Oh yeah. I guess I did.”
You’re clearly delirious, in panic mode, and not thinking straight. You don’t remember talking about Star Wars an hour ago, you don’t even realize what just slipped your lips a second ago. Joel smiles to himself. He’s suspected it for a while. He loves you too. But that’s a conversation for later. There’s a more pressing issue at hand, quite literally.
Joel clears his throat and blinks a couple of times. “Uhm,” he hums, thinking of something to say, “And you said you got that movie from Ellie? The Phantom Menace?” 
“Star Wars.”
“Yeah, Star Wars Episode I, The Phantom Menace,” he corrects you. You shrug. “Unbelievable,” Joel says, “Thought I taught that girl better.” He reaches for a bottle of rubbing alcohol and keeps your hand open in his. “Alright, deep breath in and out. This is the worst part, then we’re done.” 
Before you have time to breathe in and out as instructed, before you have time to argue, Joel dumps the alcohol in your palm. You yelp and tug your hand away, but he holds it still.
“I know, I know, I know, baby,” he coos, “Almost done.”
“Joel,” you cry.
“Look, all done,” he whispers as tears off a piece of gauze and lays it over your gash. “See? All done. Just need to wrap it,” Joel prepares more gauze, “Makes sense you’ve identified with Jar Jar, of all characters.” 
“What do you mean?”
Joel begins to wrap the bandage tightly around your hand. “Clumsy,” he murmurs, “Troublemakin’... accident prone.” 
“I don’t think you like Star Wars,” you tell him.
“Not the prequels,” Joel replies, “Only good thing about the outbreak is that they couldn’t finish that godforsaken mess of a trilogy.”
“What do you mean, ‘prequels’?”
“There was an original trilogy that came out before that movie you watched. Ellie didn’t show you them?”, and you shake your head no, “So you don’t know Han Solo or Princess Leia. That means nothin’ to ya?”
“Nope.”
“Jesus Christ. What about C-3PO? R2-D2?”
“Oh, yeah. I know them. They were in that movie.”
“No,” Joel disagrees, then looking baffled for a second before nodding his head as he remembers the hour he spent watching that movie with Sarah years and years ago. “Mm, yeah, you’re right. Guess they were,” Joel concedes, “We’ll have to rectify this, you know. Have a movie night sometime.” 
“Yeah,” you agree, “You can make me popcorn.” 
“I’ll make you popcorn,” Joel says, watching a smile form on your lips. “There it is,” he praises, “Missed that smile. Don’t like seein’ you upset like that,” he murmurs, finishing your bandage wrap and securing it in place. “What am I gonna do with you?” he asks as he presses a kiss to your palm before he lets your hand go. You can still feel the warmth of his touch on your skin as he watches you and your cheeks begin to warm.
“I know what you’re gonna do with me,” you whisper. 
I’m gonna kiss you, and I’ll tell you that I love you too. That’s what I’m gonna do with you, Joel thinks, his heart beginning to race.
“Tell me, sweetheart.” 
“You’re gonna listen to my Jar Jar impression.”
Joel sighs. He watches you with adoration, and he wants nothing more than to express that adoration for you. It’ll happen when it happens. He decides to let it go for now and play along with you instead, however you want to. You deserve it, after all. He’ll put up a facade like you drive him crazy and he’ll let you believe you’re really getting under his skin, just to watch you smile and hear you laugh like you really got him this time. And he’ll tease you back, at least once more. 
“Please spare me until I lose my hearing in my other ear.” 
You oblige, smiling and rolling your eyes. Still holding eye contact with Joel, you become acutely aware of the position you’re in, that all too familiar position. Faces close, bodies closer and staring into his sparkly, warm brown eyes with his weight pressing into you. Maybe it’s the adrenaline, the way he took care of you, who knows. Out of the blue, you’re turned on and Joel knows. Joel cocks an eyebrow when your breath hitches, when you bite your lip and begin to squirm underneath him, seemingly now uncomfortable, aroused no doubt. “Time and place, hon,” he smirks smugly.
Heat rises up your neck and your cheeks at his accusation, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 
“Yeah, you do. I know how you operate,” he asserts. “What’s got ya all worked up all of a sudden?” Joel asks, his hand caressing your cheek, your jaw.
“Nothing,” you lie. Your skin burns where his fingers trace.
“I think you’re lyin’. I know you like when I get rough with ya, just wasn’t expectin’ ya to like it now of all times, when I had to wrestle you down to fix that gash in your hand,” Joel taunts, “You’re very stubborn sometimes, you know that?” 
“Challenging,” you counter his claim, “And I wasn’t being stubborn. I could have taken care of my hand myself. I didn’t really need your help.”
Joel knows that’s a lie. You did, in fact, need his help. Badly. 
“That right there is stubborn.”
“No,” you argue, “And I’m not worked up right now, either.” Joel makes an amused face at you, and you wince internally. 
Shit. You fucked that up. Overcompensated.
“Right. Course not.” 
Against your better judgment, you open your mouth to argue further but Joel hushes you. “What do I get if you’re wet right now, sweetheart?” he whispers, unbuttoning your jeans. Your tummy flutters with desire as his fingertips skate across your skin. “You’re more than welcome to stop me right now,” he purrs. He’s giving you an out, a moment to make a choice, but you don’t dare stop him. And Joel grins. He snakes his hand down your pants, underneath your thin cotton panties. The anticipation builds with the tickle of his fingers lightly dragging over your mound, his middle and ring fingers tracing over your lips. You gasp quietly when he dips his fingers at your core, his fingertips collecting your arousal. You stifle a whine as he pulls his hand away from your body, showing you his two fingers glistening with your slick. Joel clicks his tongue, “Can’t be comfortable,” he murmurs, his tone sarcastic and sympathetic all at the same time. “This all for me?”
“No,” you breathe shakily. Yes. 
“You’re lyin’ to me,” he mumbles, bringing his two fingers to his lips. His mouth makes obscene noises as he sucks them clean of your arousal, humming at the sweet taste. Before you can think, he’s pulling your pants and underwear down in one fell swoop, his fingers finding their place back at your pussy. “You could tell me the truth and I’d go easy on ya,” he offers, his thumb pressing against your clit.
You love the thrill, that feeling in your stomach. Joel gives you a moment to answer, but you don’t. “No?”  he asks before situating himself on the ground with you, backing himself against a wall and pulling you into his lap. “Gonna make it worse for yourself,” he says, spreading your legs apart and hiking up your shirt, one hand playing with your pussy and the other kneading your breasts, teasing your nipples, “Why don’t you tell me how much ya needed this, hm? How you want me to make it all better.”
You sigh, a soft Joel falling from your lips as you become wetter, more sensitive as Joel’s fingers dance through your slick folds. He pushes two fingers inside you, fingers curling into that spot that he so loves. His thumb rubs tight, steady circles around your clit and he flicks the thumb of his other hand across your sensitive nipples, the combination of actions filling you with a deep, hot pleasure. You rest your head on his shoulder, the scratchy hairs on his cheek pressing against your forehead. You reach behind yourself to touch him, tangling your fingers in his curls.
“We’ll do this the hard way, then,” Joel shoves you forward, careful not to use too much of his strength but enough to let you know that he’s in charge. He’s always in charge. He takes his folded coat from the ground and positions it in front of himself. He stands up tall, knees popping as he rises. “Since you have nothin’ better to do with your mouth than tellin’ lies…”  Joel snaps and points to his coat, “Might as well keep you quiet instead. Down,” he instructs, “On your knees. Do it now.”
“Yes, Joel,” as you assume the position.
“Ah, now she speaks,” he taunts, the quiet metallic clang of him undoing his belt buckle sending excitement shooting through you. “Open,” is his next command, “Nice n’ wide, hon, you know how,” he instructs as he pulls out his cock, hard and with a pearly bead of precum glistening on his head. You open your mouth for Joel, eyes wide and Joel taps his member on your tongue. “Keep ya from doin’ that stupid fuckin’ impression, too.”
Your eyes light up as you think of something quippy to say, but Joel slides his cock into your mouth to keep you from doing so. “Ah-ah,” he tuts, “Quiet.” He’s delicious, masculine, heady, and intense. He fills your mouth entirely and you swirl your tongue around him, tracing thick veins and salty skin. “Attagirl,” Joel praises you, gripping the back of your head and pushing himself further into your mouth. You nearly gag, pulling back slightly but he holds you right where he wants you, “Right there.”
He pushes you further than you’re used to, but not to the point of discomfort. His tummy nudges your forehead as your nose presses against dark curls at the base of his dick and you use your hand to cup his balls. As you hum against him, you wonder if Joel intends for this to be a punishment. His tone and the way he conducts himself is commanding, but the way he fucks your mouth is gentle. 
“Still not worked up, right? Don’t need me?”, he asks, staring down at you with raised eyebrows. You shake your head no, lying again. “Okay,” he says, “I wanna watch you fuck yourself on your fingers. But don’t come. Not until you tell me what I wanna hear.” 
Your eyes flutter shut as you bring your fingers to your core, feeling your arousal. You push two fingers into your dripping pussy, pumping them in and out and trying to mimic the way it feels when Joel does it.
As you fuck yourself, you hollow your cheeks around his thick cock, letting him feel every inch of your soft and wet mouth. He’s domineering above you, but his hand on your cheek is gentle, caressing your skin softly. He looks down at you through hooded lids and as your eyes flutter shut, you wonder what he’s thinking. 
The way you’re touching your pussy hardly counts as fucking yourself, it’s teasing at best, and excruciating at that. You rub circles around your clit steadily, subtly, needing more than what he’s told you to give yourself. With your fingers working your clit and your mouth working Joel, the familiar pleasure of your climax is just within reach. Feeling yourself reaching your peak, you look up at Joel, “What are you doin’?”, he asks, like he’s caught you doing something you shouldn’t be.
You pull your mouth off of his cock to whisper, “Please, Joel,” which garners an irritated look from him. Joel bends lower to grab you by your bicep and force you to your feet, spinning you around and bending you over an empty shelf of an end cap. He parts your legs and drags his cock through your folds with one hand, the other gripping your hip. 
“Need those magic words, sweetheart. Say it, ‘I need you, Joel’. Go on, now. You got it.”
With the leftover feeling of your ruined orgasm and Joel’s cock teasing your pussy, you fold immediately. “I need you, Joel,” you breathe, “I need you.” 
“Tell me more. How do you need me?” as he continues to tease. 
“Need you to fuck me,” you gasp, “Please.”
“Need me to fuck ya,” he repeats, amused. Joel notches the tip of his cock at your entrance, “How ‘bout that. Tell me somethin’ I didn’t know.” 
It’s a rhetorical question. He doesn’t give you time to answer before he buries himself inside of you. You groan at the sudden intrusion, how deeply he enters you and how full you feel. 
He doesn’t need to experiment with you, doesn’t need to vary how he fucks you. You grip the edge of the end cap with both hands as he finds his pace immediately. His cock hits you right where you need him. 
“Hey, hey,” he whispers, reaching for your bandaged hand, “Don’t hold that. S’gonna hurt your hand. Hold mine instead,” as he wraps his palm around yours. “Better?”
“Better.”
You’re lost in it all, his hand holding yours tightly and his thighs hitting your ass, his balls slapping against your clit. His face is right next to yours, his nose buried in your hair as he nips at your ear. 
“Fuck,” he grunts as he fucks you. He moans softly, his breath feels warm. Each thrust feels deep and intentional. “Good girl. Takin’ my cock so good.”
“Yes, Joel,” you moan. 
He makes stuttering, strangled sort of noises. His breathing is sharp and unsteady through his gritted teeth, and you wish you could see him like this. You can just about picture him perfectly, his messy salt and pepper curls and that deep set line between his brows. 
He fucks you hard and rough, both of you panting and moaning. Soon enough, his rhythm becomes frenetic and stuttering. “Squ– fuck, squeezin’ me too good, I’m not gonna last, sweetheart.”
“Let me come, Joel,” you plead, “Please.”
“I know, I know. Don’t need to beg me, darlin’,” Joel coos. He snakes his hand between your thighs and quickly finds your clit, his thrusts still steady and deep. He expertly paints circles around your clit as he becomes sloppier and frenzied. 
“Oh god, oh fuck, Joel,” you’re gasping, feeling your walls begin to clench and squeeze him, “Right there, right there, fuck.”
“Yeah, s’it, let go for me,” he pants. 
With a few more circles tracing your clit, you fall apart on him. You come with a loud gasp, gripping his hand hard. Even after he helps you ride out your orgasm, he doesn’t yet stop fucking you, and the sensation is becoming all too much. You bite your lip to stifle yourself as he chases his own orgasm, and he spills into you with shuddering breaths and grunts, painting your insides with his seed.
You catch your breath with Joel as he begins to go soft inside you. You feel empty when he pulls out of you, craving the weight of his hand on yours after he lets go. As your breathing slows, turn around to face Joel. His dominant, taunting demeanor is gone and he helps you back into your clothes, then examines the bandage on your hand. He frowns when he sees he’s crumpled it and dampened it with his sweat. “Hang on,” he murmurs, quickly reaching for more gauze to rewrap it. 
You touch his shoulder, “Just– let’s wrap it again at home. It’s just gonna get ruined again.”
“No, I promise I’m not gonna clean it again, I just wanna–” Joel stops talking when you reach for his hand. He looks at where his hand connects with yours, then looks at you. “Okay,” he says. He stares at you intently, as if waiting for you to say more. You look like you want to.
Hand in Joel’s, you walk together out of the mall. The horseback ride home is quiet. You hug Joel tightly, and Joel savors the warmth of your cheek on his back again.
“Joel?” you ask. 
“Yeah, hon.”
“You’re sure you don’t wanna hear my impression?”
“I’m sure,” Joel says, but you can hear the smile in his voice. 
as always, i appreciate all of my readers. please please please leave a comment/reblog/send an ask if you enjoyed, your comments really do mean the world and keep me going <3
follow @strang3stories and turn on notifs for fics only!
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noveauskull · 4 months
Text
How Male WUWA Character's React When You Make Them Mad! (NSFW)
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characters: jiyan, geshu lin, mortefi, calcharo, yuanwu, aalto, scar x reader
warnings: 18+, smut, brat! reader, brat taming, mating press, spanking, use of toys, punishment, doggy style, overstimulation, passing out, age gap, anal, wall fucking, office sex, cock warming, teasing, orgasm denial, pet names (princess), sir kink (?), choking (asphyxiation)
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SCAR:
Scar often finds your little acts cute. He likes it when you hit him or cuss at him, it always makes him feel warm and funny inside when you behave rudely to him, probably cause most of the time the others are scared of him. But even Scar has limits.
He finds you hard to talk with sometimes, whenever he wanted a genuine conversation with you, you'd just tell him to go away, and that does upset him, but he tries to be patient with you and try again next time.
Though he realizes that next time will never come, and he's starting to find your bold antics unamusing. His final straw was when he asked you if you had missed him while he was gone out, and your response was-
"What are you talking about? Stop acting stupid and fetch me the soda bottle"
Yeah, you regret it.
Scar had your knees all the way up to your chest while he fucks your cunt loose with his cock, your nipples and clit being pinched with clips that were connected together through chains, and your ass was stuffed with an anal plug.
He had all your holes filled and sweet spots touched, leaving your mouth gaping open to let your whines and moans free, gasping for air each time you feel the tip of Scar's cock breaking into you to meet with your cervix, you could feel yourself get dizzy from all the sensations.
The clips shaking with every thrust Scar gave you, having it stimulate you by theirselves without him needing to touch them.
Scar would have you talk to him while he rammed himself inside of you, cause if you wouldn't talk with him when he isn't fucking you, then you might as well say a few words when he is fucking you.
"Like I was asking early, did you miss me?" He would ask through pants in every thrust, which you would struggle to answer with.
"Hgh- nmph-! Ugh!" You'd try answering, but your mind can't even focus to tell your mouth to move properly.
"Answer me, baby. Don't make me wait" He'd give you a sharp smack on your ass, making you snap out of the daze he was putting you in.
"H-Hnagh y-yes!! Yes!" You'd cry before hearing him chuckle, giving you a long, wet kiss to reward you.
"You're so cute when you're crying for my cock, I guess this will happen more often if you keep your bratty behavior up~"
-----
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JIYAN:
Cussing at him, hitting him, ignoring him, somehow he was fine with it all, he'd even go back to his general duties sometimes, knowing that when the two of you return home he'd have to give you a small talk on why you should be nicer to him, to which you'd just ignore him and flop yourself onto the bed that you two shared.
The one thing that made him snap, was when you poured water onto his head. In public. All because you were upset at him for taking too long with his subordinates at the Midnight Rangers.
You'd wish you hadn't did that to him though, it seems like he really made it clear that there is a limit to how much shit you could throw at a person, especially at him.
The side of your face would be pressed into the covers, ass sticking up for Jiyan's cock to thrust into your leaking pussy, you were probably at your 4th orgasm right now.
The noises your mouth made were lewd, no sane person should be hearing those slutty moans you're letting out as Jiyan destroys your cunt. Your hands gripping onto the sheets to give you some sort of relief from all the pounding he was giving you.
You felt his arms go under your waist to lift you up, making your back press onto his chest, his right hand moving to where your clit is and flicking it, the sudden action made you scream with tears rolling down your cheek.
"S-Sto-" You tried speaking, but it was no use. Jiyan had you right where he wanted you. He's made it clear that he was not going to forgive you unless you let out exactly 10 full orgasms.
You realized that this entire time, Jiyan was only showing you his lenient side, the side of a understanding boyfriend. But right now? He's showing you the side of a General. Harsh, strict and merciless.
Right on your 4th orgasm, you squirted all over his cock and fingers, the entire time while he was pounding you he never once took a break, both for himself or for you, definitely not for you.
He was pounding into you so much that you felt like the tip of his cock was going to pop out of your mouth with each thrust. He throws your body back onto the bed while still rawdogging you. And all you can do was take it and hope you had finished your 10th orgasm the moment you blinked.
By the time you were on your 8th orgasm, you started feeling light headed, and you couldn't feel your pussy, or your entire lower body anymore, even your voice began to sound weak from all the moaning you were doing.
So you gave one final orgasm before passing out. You definitely learned your lesson, to never anger Jiyan and take his patience for granted.
The next day, Jiyan acts like nothing happened. But you're limping with every step as you hold your back like an old lady, making Jiyan chuckle.
"I hope you learned something from this, though I don't mind doing it all over again if you feel unsatisfied"
-----
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CALCHARO:
Since Calcharo was a few years older than you, it's natural he thinks of you as an annoying kid whose been raised spoiled your whole life. Which is why he doesn't think much of your poor behavior and tolerates it most of the time.
However, he does get bothered by the way you casually speak to him, such as when you called him an asshole for telling you to not talk bad about others.
His last piece of patience of you would shred to pieces when you called his underdog namplate ugly, disrespecting the tiny drawing of a dog.
You didn't know it was going to get him this upset though, to the point he's pressing your body onto the wall and fucking your ass deeply with every thrust, while your pussy was filled with a thick vibrating dildo.
He ordered you to not let the dildo fall off out, if you did, he'd add onto your punishment by two times, and he'll keep adding onto it until you either pass out or you finally get the hang of it while he cums inside of your ass.
Calcharo would be cumming inside your ass so much you could feel your stomach bloating, it's crazy how pent up he is, and you just happened to be the perfect person to help him relieve his stress.
When you felt yourself cumming, you'd try to hold it in, but having a vibrating dildo inside of you while Calcharo's dick was giving your cervix punches to the gut wasn't helping, all while you were standing too.
The moment you started twitching and shaking while letting out a long and loud moan, you'd try to clench your legs together in hopes that the dildo wouldn't fall off, making you having to overstimulate yourself.
"Apologize" Calcharo says into your ear, his deep voice sounding dangerously calm which alarmed you.
"Apologize now and I'll stop" He offers, his left hand brushing over the tiny bulge he made on your stomach, you could feel his cum in your ass sloshing with every thrust.
"S-Sor- Ungh! S-Sorry! 'M so s-sorry!" You forced out of your mouth in cries, you could feel the dildo vibrating itself out of your pussy, you silently begged that he would say something to excuse the mistake you were about to make by letting the vibrator fall.
But before he could say anything, the dildo drops on the floor, and his palm presses onto your bulge, fingers circling your clit, make your legs shake and your eyes roll back.
"I guess we have to keep going until you've learned your lesson, brat"
-----
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MORTEFI:
It's not likely for Mortefi to get angry easily, but for some reason, you're just really good at it.
Like how you would suddenly barge into his room and mess with his paperwork, making his job harder than it is, and you only do this when you feel like he's been focusing on his work more than you, and that makes you very unhappy.
But he won't let you keep up with this behavior, so the next time you barge into his room expecting no one but his stack of papers on his desk, he's already sitting down on his desk, eyes immediately locking in with yours because of how he had already expected your arrival.
Next thing you know you're sitting on top of his lap with his cock buried deep inside you, legs sticking out on the sides of the chair, through the space where the armrests are, and a small vibrator right on your clit, however, it isn't on.
Well, not unless Mortefi wants it to be. Whenever you do so much as move or your pussy twitches around his cock he'd use a small remove control to turn the vibrator on, stimulating you to the point you feel close to orgasming, but stopping whenever he feels your pussy twitch and tighten around him too much, indicating you are close.
And he keeps this up while he does his paperwork, you could beg him to just fuck you but he won't even pretend like he's listening to you, and when you try to move your hips he just sends a sharp smack onto your ass, warning you to keep still.
Mortefi will make you go crazy for hours and hours, just by not moving a muscle, you're surprised he's even able to keep his dick hard all this time, maybe it's gone limp a few times but everytime you twitched around him it'd harden right back up.
The torture would be too much to the point you no longer had an attitude, instead you're hugging him and rolling your hips to create some friction, mumbling words like "I'm sorry, please let me cum" into his ear.
But he still won't move, even when you play nice.
"Sweet talking me won't make my mood any better, you know? You'll just have to wait until I'm done"
-----
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AALTO:
He's often very playful with you, and doesn't particularly care when you get pissy with him, he knows he can make it up to you by gifting you expensive accessories or clothes, but sometimes, he would have his limits too.
And being able to make even the most goofiest guy angry is something else. Most likely whenever you call him names like idiot or stupid, you'd be surprised but Aalto isn't a fan of name calling. He finds it unfair that while your names are "Princess", "Sweetheart" or "Baby", his is just mean names that you'd call any nuisance of a person.
He even asked you to give him a cute nickname, but it's like you never heard him once. And at one point in those countless of names you gave him, he's already hit his breaking point.
Aalto would drag you back home, throwing your body that was smaller than his onto the couch and taking off your clothes, when he pulls down your skirt, he immediately connects his lips to your clothed cunt, licking over it to tease you.
You won't know whats happening, as long as you were getting pleasure nothing mattered, but that's what Aalto wants you to think he's doing, instead, he hasn't made any effort to take off the panty you had on the entire time, making it completely soaked with your juices and his saliva.
Even when you bucked your hips forward with your hands on his head to create more friction he wouldn't give you the satisfaction, lessening the pressure of his tongue on your clit or even stopping at times too.
"No can do, princess. I want to hear you call me a cute name, then I'll let you cum" He'd tease, he would be angry, but he's forgotten all about it after seeing your desperate face.
"W-What is it? What do you w-want?!" You panted, face burning from the embarassment you were having, and the inability to cum right away from his kitten licks.
"Hmm, how about sir-"
"P-Please, Sir!! Hurry up, please!!" You cut him off in whines, making him chuckle at your desperation.
"So cute"
He would use his finger to move your panty to the side, finally revealing your soaking wet pussy with juices leaking out of it, he grips your thighs to hold them open before diving in to force orgasms out of you.
You'd already be begging him to stop after 2 orgasms, but he wouldn't, even if you had called him "Sir" countless of times already. It doesn't seem like Aalto was going to back down anytime soon.
"Sorry, princess. But the more you call me that the more it riles me up, give me one more and I'll stop, 'Mkay?"
-----
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GESHU LIN:
He doesn't tolerate any kind of behavior from you, and you know this. Yet you seem to always forget that. It's not your fault though, he hasn't been teaching you a lesson whenever you act up these days, of course you're going to forget the consequences.
You really wished you remembered though, cause earlier, you noticed Geshu Lin just walking by the nearby stores in Jinzhou, and you just happened to be walking around Jinzhou with General Jiyan, so you did something unspeakable.
You brought your hands to grip onto Jiyan's biceps, pulling him back to warn him about the cat that was passing by. A mere coincidence, not only did you had a reason to touch General Jiyan but he wouldn't suspect you of doing anything to him, it was just a friend helping another friend.
But Geshu Lin was not taking a single ounce of shit for it.
Before you know it, you're on to bed the two of you lay on, body pressed onto the sheets while your back faces him as he fucks your pussy loose on top of you, making you cry out begging he'd go slower.
Of course he wouldn't though. Instead he goes even faster than before, he would press his body onto yours before moving his arm to your neck, clamping it with the middle of his bicep and forearm while another hand on the top of your head, putting you in a chokehold.
His bicep would be squeezing your neck while he pounded inside you mercilessly, the weight of his body on your own making it even harder for you, it didn't particularly hurt since it was a gentle squeeze, hard enough to give you trouble breathing but not hard enough to leave a mark, yet you could could feel you're losing yourself when your eyes rolled back the moment his arms made contact with your neck.
You'd let out a small whimper, tears rolling down to your face then to his muscular biceps, you've probably already came twice by now while Geshu Lin hasn't even came once.
"Since you love biceps so much you don't mind dying from it, right slut?" He teased you, grinning at the way you struggled to form words.
He would finally cum inside you after you squirted out your 5th orgasm, you could feel yourself slowly passing out before he smacks your ass to wake you up. He wasn't letting you off that easy.
"Get up, brat. I'm not done with you yet, I'm gonna fuck the attitude out of you this time"
-----
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YUANWU:
Of course Yuanwu was patient with you, whenever you acted up he'd just pat your head and give you a few kisses, mumbling words like "You're a good girl right? Then behave well" and most of the time you'd listen to him, however of course there are times when you don't.
You were incredibly upset that Yuanwu didn't get you a new dress, he did tell you that he would get it soon and that he was way too busy to get one with you at the moment, but you couldn't care less. His job and his attention to you are two different things.
That's when you decided to take it out on him while you two were getting intimate. Yuanwu would come back home wanting to have a taste of you every now and then and you'd comply just fine, but right now you wanted to make it known that you were not happy.
"Ugh could you go any slower?" You grumbled as he was fucking his cock into your pussy, he brought his head up to look at you with wide eyes, surprised by your sudden remark.
"Pardon?" The strands of his blue hair would cover his forehead, making him appear younger.
"You heard me, hurry up I want to sleep" You repeated, you didn't know what you were expecting, but you sure as hell wasn't expecting him to just smile at you.
"Okay"
You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, yelping at his sudden grip on your hips as he snaps his own forward. You didn't realize it before, but apparently he hadn't been putting his full size inside you a lot, until now.
You'd let out a small scream, feeling his cock plunge into your hole so deep and your cervix getting a hit from his tip, your hole immediately clamping down on his cock, a few of your juices leaking out in the process.
You wouldn't even have the time to let out a small breath before he's snapping his hips back onto your pussy, every thrust making you let out small cries and your eyes tearing up.
"W-Wai- Ugh!" You'd try to hold onto his arms to regain some sort of control, but that didn't help you one bit, instead he'd still have you your hole so used your face would be drenched in tears.
You wouldn't realize it, but he was holding back his anger from you this entire time. What he was doing now was just a small part of it, and the things he was about to do to you later were going to be even worse.
And yet despite him fixing your bratty behavior, he still does it all while smiling, and caressing you, treating you like glass one moment before treating you like a punching bag, thought of course, the only punching he'd be doing to you is when the tip of his cock is punching your cervix.
"You told me to go faster, so that's what I'm doing. What's that? You want me to go slow now? There's no need for that, I'm sure you can handle it, my lady"
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A/N: Sorry to the person who requested this! (the one with wuwa men reacts to you telling them to go faster) I thought it would be better to add it into this making wuwa men angry post, so yeah, hitting two birds w one stone 💀✨️✨️
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daenysx · 12 days
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hi bby, could i request jealous modern!aemond?😊
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i tried my best but i feel like everything was better in my head, i hope i managed to get things right with the words <333 thanks for requesting
modern!aemond targaryen x fem!reader
-aemond needs to get you back.
cw; kinda like exes to lovers, jealous!aemond, aemond being an idiot and he's sorry for that, criston cole in his own warning, reader's shorter than aemond, mentions of alcohol, kissing, aemond being desperate to get you back, also he's a sad fool and he accepts that, suggestive towards the end but nothing descriptive, title is a hozier lyric
wc; 2k
i'll crawl home to her
aemond likes to think he's good at controlling his emotions. at least he can keep his face neutral, he doesn't let people know what he thinks.
that turns out to be a lie, though, the moment he sees a guy behind the bar stool you sit.
he relaxes his fists. you're not his girlfriend. he has no right to feel jealous over your affections. who's that guy, anyway? how can he be bold enough to talk to you like this, leaning to the bar with his arm almost wrapped around you? aemond hates the idea of someone being braver than him. he fucking despises the idea of you giving a smile to that- that asshole.
"you okay?" cole asks, his glass almost empty in his hand. he follows aemond's gaze and, boom. just like he guessed.
"of course, i'm okay." aemond replies, coolly. there's no logical reason behind his real emotions.
"if you keep staring like that, she will notice."
aemond turns to him sharply. his gaze is burning, almost feels like crying or something worse than that. "i'm not staring."
"if you say so." cole shrugs. he's got worse problems than dealing with aemond's jealousy to be honest. he knows aemond will never admit what's happening in truth.
"do you- do you know who that is?" aemond asks, not that he thinks cole can actually know a random guy at the bar. he tries to fill the stupid silence between them, change the subject after that, storm out when he finishes his drink. he despises the pathetic situation he unwillingly put himself into.
"do i know the guy who's flirting with your ex-girlfriend?" cole pretends to think. "um- no, i don't actually."
the mention of you burns his chest. it's because of the whisky, he tells himself. keep your cool, keep your cool. don't let them know anything.
"it doesn't matter, anyway." he says, feeling like a desperate fool.
"no, it doesn't." cole agrees. aemond can sense his mocking, his tendency to talk boldly tonight. cole isn't like that usually. "because you are not together anymore."
"we're not."
"because you let her go." cole continues, takes a sip from his glass. "it was quite stupid of you if you ask me."
"i didn't ask you, cole."
"no, no, but just- what were you thinking when you decided to break things off with her, hmm? what was the motivation behind it?"
"you're going too far."
"i'm not." cole says. "you just can't face with your own decisions."
"fuck off." aemond stands up, getting his jacket. "you don't even know what you're talking about. didn't ask your damn opinion about my love life, did i?"
"just admit you failed, aemond. lost the one good thing about you." cole speaks calmly after him. "you'd do all of us a great favor."
aemond walks away. there's no need for drunken arguments tonight, he's certainly not in the mood for discussing his past decisions. he can't help a brief look on your seat, though. you're not there. he didn't see you leaving, he can't see your jacket or that sparkly purse you love so much. the guy stays where he is, chatting with his friends. where are you?
"oh!" someone shorter than him almost collapses with his chest. "aemond?"
aemond wishes you to not look so pretty with that smudged eye make up and- his fucking favorite color on your lips. what kind of strength should he have to not kiss you against the wall when you're looking at him through those glossy eyes? he takes a step back, an apology ready on his lips.
you beat him through it. "sorry." you say, blinking your pretty eyes. "didn't see you there."
"no, it's okay." he collects himself before doing something stupid. "i was walking too fast."
you nod, your purse in your hand and your jacket thrown on your shoulders. you don't look drunk, maybe just tipsy. turning your back to him, you keep walking your way, out of the club. running into your ex-boyfriend shouldn't stop you from going home.
aemond thinks of the guy back there. you're not together with him, are you? he's not with you right now, he doesn't call a cab, and you don't look like you're waiting for anyone. that must be a relief. it doesn't feel like it, though. aemond is certain anyone who sees you would fall for your charms, that guy was no exception. all the hypothetical men get into his head. fuck them all.
"are you alone?" he asks you, foolishly. you nod. no words for him. why would you bother?
"i can- my car is over there if you-"
"i don't want anything from you, aemond."
okay. he deserves this. he knows he deserves this.
"it's late." he says. "i know you don't want anything to do with me, but i can at least-"
"i said no." you cut him. "you don't have to pretend to care."
you start walking in the cool breeze of night air. it feels nice on your face. aemond follows you like he's lost, like he doesn't know where to go without you. "can we talk?" he asks, his voice is softer than the last time you talked. "please?"
"there's nothing to talk about." you tell him, looking at him briefly.
"i made a mistake." he says like he's pleading. the alcohol gets him, his lips move on their own. he keeps telling himself he won't regret anything he tells you right now. he's not drunk, that means they are all real. "i made many mistakes. letting you go was the worst of them."
"that sounds like an interesting story." you say, sarcastically. "would you like to continue? i'm sure people on the street will enjoy your freak show."
he has no explanation for this but your attitude turns him on.
"i saw you with that guy." he says.
"you really should stop talking now." you say. "you're being pathetic."
"no, i-" he can get on his knees and beg. he's cursing his past self, cursing his stupid decisions. "please."
"please, what?" you get angrier each second. this is not a game you'll be playing with him. "do you realize how stupid you sound?"
"of course i do." he answers with a slight pout. "i just need you to see- to understand how terrible it makes me feel, to- to see you with another guy and not being able to do anything about it-"
"no need to be so selfish." you say, calmly. "i'm not your anything. you cannot react like this every time we run into each other by chance."
"i regret it." his legs can give up any second now. he begs for something divine to help him out of his misery. "i regret everything i did. i never should have let you go."
your heartbeat gets quicker with anger and adrenaline. the fact that you're still hopelessly in love with him does nothing to calm your nerves. he doesn't deserve your love. you will not accept anything he says until he proves he's worthy. you try to control your breath, stop your hands from shaking. he has no right to do this, you remind yourself.
"it's too late." you say. "you don't deserve to get everything back after you let them go like the way you did."
he looks at you so sweetly, you have to swallow and look away. he's fond of that attitude of yours, how you put yourself first after he hurt you, and his chest tightens with the loss of you there but he can't help a wave of affection towards your frowny face and your crossed arms. there's his girl, you're still there, still present with your anger and precise words. he would to anything to get you back.
"i know." aemond agrees, slowly. "i promise, i know- and you're right, whatever you decide to do, you're right."
"are you trying to fix us just because you saw me with another guy?" you ask, eyebrows furrowed.
"no, of course not. not only because of that." he says quickly. "i wanted you back since the first time you walked out. i just didn't have enough courage to talk to you."
"so you're admitting you were being stupid and acting like coward?" you challenge him with two things he hates the thought of being the most.
"it was stupid of me to break up with you." he says slowly. he's gonna have to be a big boy for this. "i was only trying to protect you from my family and- and myself, but i acted cowardly."
"i can protect myself." you say. "i don't need you to decide for me."
"i know that, sweetheart." he smiles. it's a tiny move on his lips, he's always so fond of your independent nature. "i apologise for not speaking things clearly."
it's your turn to smile. you take a step towards him, he stays still. the top buttons of his shirt expose his neck nicely, the chain you got him hanging there. he never let you go. he was only being an idiot. you think you want him back. he can fix his own idiocity by himself, but you want him back.
"what do you want?" you ask with a kind voice like you're teasing. you're not teasing, not in the least but he doesn't know that, does he?
"i want you to be my girlfriend again." he says, straightening his posture. his shoulders are high, his neck long. he feels like a dragon ready to fight for you. "if you'll have me."
you push him softly against the wall behind him and cup his cheeks. he accepts the kiss greedily, changing positions so that your back is against the wall. he makes a rightful mess of your lipstick, his hands on your waist and on the back of your neck. you close your eyes. his scent hits your senses so well, your hand goes to his shoulder to pull him closer.
you break the kiss. "you cannot do the same thing again, okay? you cannot leave me and come back, you cannot think for my place and make my decisions when it comes to you and our relationship."
"okay." he says, his eye closed and his lips following your mouth. "i promise."
"good." you say, pull him for another kiss. it's only been two weeks but you missed him. he feels safe like this, and familiar with his body pressed against yours against the wall of a club. the darkness of the night covers you, your sparkly purse is the only thing that can be seen from a distance.
aemond kisses you like he's been out of breath for so long. he's been a desperate fool for days but now it's over. everything gets clear when he gets you like this, his mind free of worry and anger, all those devilish thoughts that bother him. he's content with his place, he doesn't have to pretend he's okay. it's all real.
"by the way-" you start saying between two lovely kisses. "that guy back there already has a lover named charles. you didn't have to worry about him anyway."
aemond laughs and it's a real laugh, not one of the fake ones he has to throw into aegon's or cole's face. you smile and he kisses your cheek. you hold his hand, he squeezes your fingers.
"i like your dress." he changes the subject, leading you to his car. "is that new?"
"of course it is." you answer, cheekily. "my boyfriend decided to be a jerk for no reason and i had to keep myself busy with something."
aemond had no idea the night could turn into something amazing when he first agreed to come here with cole. he can't keep his hands off you, kisses you against the car this time. he's gotta find a way to make up for the time he made you lost. kissing you and getting you your favorite drink on the way home might be a good start.
he gives you a silent promise to atone his sins between your legs in the following hours.
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seoulzie · 3 months
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beyond the books
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WHEREIN: two top students, initially just classmates turn out to be ridiculously in love with each other
彡 pairing: student!soobin x gn!reader 彡 genre: fluff 彡 warnings: none :)
⋆.˚𓆝 read the whole collection here!
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you and soobin started as casual classmates, just two top students sharing a competitive camaraderie. it wasn't unusual for the two of you to exchange notes, help each other with tricky problems, or simply greet each other in the hallways. however, as time went on, those simple interactions began to evolve.
you found yourself catching his lingering glances during class, and your brief conversations started to stretch into long, meaningful talks. despite the increase in time spent together, you both managed to keep things relatively platonic—or so you thought.
one day, as you were packing up your books after a particularly challenging lecture, soobin approached you with a nervous smile.
"hey, y/n," he began, rubbing the back of his neck. "i was thinking... do you want to maybe go to that new café near campus? we could have a study session there."
surprised, you looked up at him. "the one with the ryan pastries?"
"yeah, that's the one!" soobin's eyes lit up, his excitement palpable. "i heard they have a really nice atmosphere for studying."
you agreed, not thinking much of it beyond the usual academic assistance. "sure, sounds good. when are you thinking?"
"how about tomorrow after classes?" he suggested, his voice tinged with a mix of hope and nervousness.
"perfect," you replied with a smile. "i'll see you there."
───────── ౨ৎ ─────────
the next day, you found yourself seated across from soobin in the cozy café, the warm aroma of freshly brewed coffee and baked goods surrounding you. the atmosphere was comfortable, filled with the quiet rustle of papers and the occasional soft laugh and accidental touches as you reached for your drinks or passed each other notes.
"so, how's your preparation for the finals going?" soobin asked, taking a sip of his iced latte.
"it's going alright," you replied, twirling your pen between your fingers. "i still need to review the last few chapters. what about you?"
"same here," soobin admitted with a sheepish grin. "i was hoping we could go over them together."
as you both dived into your notes, you couldn't help but notice how close soobin was sitting next to you. how his arm brushed against yours, sending tiny sparks of electricity up your skin. the casual touches felt oddly intimate, and you found yourself hyper-aware of his presence.
"do you understand this part?" you asked, pointing to a particularly complex equation.
soobin leaned in closer, his shoulder pressing against yours as he studied the page. "yeah, i think so. here, let me show you."
his voice was soft and reassuring, and you felt a warmth spread through you as he explained the problem. his proximity made it hard to concentrate, but you tried your best to focus on the task at hand.
after a while, you both took a break, sipping your drinks and enjoying the comfortable silence. you looked around the café, noticing the cozy ambiance and the other students engrossed in their own studies.
"soobin, this place is really nice," you said, glancing back at him. "thanks for suggesting it."
he smiled, a hint of shyness in his expression. "i'm glad you like it. i thought it would be a good change of pace."
these "study sessions" soon became a regular thing, and it wasn't long before your friends started to notice how close you'd become. they teased you relentlessly, often saying things like, "just get together already!" whenever someone pointed out how obvious it was that you liked soobin, you'd get defensive, your face flushing.
"what! no! i'm not!" you'd protest, crossing your arms defensively.
but your friends would only exchange knowing looks, amused by your denial. "sure, sure," they'd say teasingly, nudging each other knowingly whenever you and soobin were nearby.
it was the same for soobin. he'd turn red and stutter through his denials, just as clueless as you were about the true nature of his feelings.
despite the teasing, neither you nor soobin seemed to acknowledge the growing attraction between you. you continued to meet for "study sessions" at the café, your conversations becoming more animated and your touches more deliberate.
one day, during one of these study sessions, as you and soobin laughed over a particularly silly mistake in your notes, you caught your friends watching you with amused smiles. 
soon, your friends joined your table with knowing grins, settling in as if they had been waiting for this moment.
"so, what's going on here?" one of your friends teased, nudging you playfully.
"just going over material," you replied casually, though your heart raced with anticipation.
"soobin, you're looking awfully cozy with y/n today," another friend chimed in with a grin.
soobin chuckled nervously, running a hand through his hair. "we're just studying... you know how it is."
your friends exchanged amused glances, clearly enjoying the spectacle. despite your protests, they could see what was happening between you and soobin, even if you couldn't admit it to yourselves yet.
───────── ౨ৎ ─────────
during one of your regular café meet-ups, you found yourself pondering your relationship with soobin. the way he made you feel, the way your heart fluttered at his shy smile—it was undeniable. you decided it was time to get to the bottom of things.
"soobin," you began, breaking the comfortable silence. "do you like me?"
his eyes widened, and a deep blush spread across his cheeks. "w-what? i mean... why do you ask?"
you smiled, feeling your own cheeks heat up. "it's okay," you reassured him gently, then turned your attention back to your notes. "i like you too."
the café seemed to fall into complete silence, the world outside disappearing as soobin processed your words. you continued to review your notes, acting as if you hadn't just dropped a bombshell. soobin, on the other hand, was frozen in place, his mind racing.
finally, he broke the silence with a tentative, "so... are we dating now?"
you looked up from your notes, meeting his bewildered gaze with a warm smile. "yep."
"oh," he said, still looking flustered. there was a moment of silence before he asked, "uhm... what now?"
you laughed, reaching across the table to take his hand in yours. "i guess we can hold hands tighter now."
soobin's lips curled into a shy smile, his eyes sparkling with happiness. "sounds like a plan."
from that day forward, your study sessions were filled with more than just academic discussions. you held hands openly, your friends' teasing turning into congratulatory remarks. the lingering glances turned into affectionate looks, and the long talks were now interspersed with shy kisses and sweet moments.
───────── ౨ৎ ─────────
one sunny afternoon, you and soobin were sitting under the large oak tree in the school courtyard, sharing a quiet lunch. he reached over, brushing a stray hair from your face and giving you that warm, adoring smile that always made your heart flutter. "you have something on your lip," he said softly, leaning in to gently wipe away a crumb from your sandwich.
your friends, seated a few feet away, erupted into a chorus of "awww" and playful jabs about how cute you two were. you laughed it off, leaning into soobin's shoulder. "i think they're just jealous," you whispered, causing soobin to chuckle.
"probably," he replied, his arm wrapping around you protectively.
walking hand-in-hand to class, you felt the world around you fade away. soobin had this way of making everything seem brighter, more beautiful. the hallways, once crowded and chaotic, felt like a serene pathway whenever you were with him.
during study sessions in the library, the two of you would sit close, heads bent over textbooks, occasionally sharing quiet conversations and laughter. one time, soobin had drawn a little heart on your notebook when you weren't looking. it was a small gesture, but it filled you with such joy that you couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.
your relationship wasn't just about the grand gestures, but the little moments that made up your everyday lives. the way he would wait for you outside your classroom, the way you would share your favorite songs, and the way he would always know when you needed a comforting hug.
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⋆˚࿔ taglist!  @flowzel , @izzyy-stuff , @inkigayocamman ࿔˚⋆
© 2024 seoulzie
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onelittlespiral · 11 months
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Hey dude, I'm just a lil bro looking for a big bro to take care of me in all sorts of ways but all I'm stuck with is my lousy nerd of a roommate. Could you help me out?
FML: Fraternize
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My roommate was… chill all things considered. I don’t know, he was just the random guy that I got stuck with when all my bros decided to move into the house and I needed someone to take the lease with. Scruffy, for sure. A bit out of shape. He said he used to play soccer in high school. Cute, but that was about it. Nowadays he was just getting his degree in English. Just a guy. But I didn’t want just another guy.
I tried to be friends with the guy, but he always just blew me and my boys off. He would just say he was too busy studying or playing some video game to come out to the gym with us or hang at the frat. I finally decided I was fed up. I needed my roommate to be more than a rando in my house. I needed a bro. And the fraternity had some resources to make that happen.
They usually keep this kinda stuff for pledges who start stepping out of line, but my buddy slipped me the files that they show to help guys get in line. I don’t remember if I ever saw them myself… what ever. It was a series of videos that promised to turn any guy into a bro in no time flat. So, one night, I put the tapes on when my roommate was home:
“Hey man, I’ve gotta watch these for class, mind if I slip them on?”
“No problem, I’ll just hang out in my bedroom.”
“Actually, it may be something you would like. You should stay. Here, you chill here and I’ll listen while I cook. I’ll make enough to split.”
I turned the first tape on and went to cook up some chicken and rice. In the other room, I heard the video beginning. It wasn’t long before I started hearing my roommate responding to the commands:
You are loyal to your bros.
“I am loyal to my bros.”
When you are around them you feel relaxed.
“When I am around them I feel relaxed”
The gym feels like your second home.
“The gym feels like my second home.”
The frat is life. You are made to be loyal to the frat.
“I am made to be loyal to the frat.”
They kept pushing him in the background while I finished cooking some food. When I walked back into the room, static filled the screen as my roommate stared into space, drool dripping from his mouth. I turned of the TV and he seemed to come to his senses.
“Hey, sup bro? Got the fuel?”
Already he was much better, “Yeah man, chicken and rice.”
“Hell yeah, gotta get a good workout in before getting my homework done.”
We ate quickly and started getting ready for the gym.
“Hey, bro, you think they are still taking new pledges? I’ve been meaning to apply to your frat!”
I was shocked at how quick the progress had been, “Yeah man. I’ll hook you up with my peeps tomorrow.”
“Sweet, let me finish getting ready and we can go.”
Dang those videos were quick. Even the way he carried himself was so different. This is the bro I needed.
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The week went on and we kept working out. I hooked my roommate up with the pledge master and he quickly started falling in with the bros. We worked out, partied, did almost everything together now. I gave the rest of the tapes back to my guy who gave them to me. He said he needed them for a few guys who had gotten a little hands-y with some girls at the last party. I was fine to get them back, I didn’t think there would be any more issues with my roommate.
The year flew by until it was time for spring break. I had opted to be my roommate’s big and done all the usual hazing and shit with him. Had to keep him on his A game, I wasn’t going to go east on him. The spring break frat trip was a rite of passage for the incoming pledges. As much as I wanted to go, I had plans to visit California with my partner. We were having a great time, chilling at the beach, shopping through souvenir stores, and hiking parks. But I made sure to get updates about how my roommate was enjoying his week. It was from one of these progress reports that I got word from the pledge master:
Hey, bro. Just letting you know. Your little bro was making some girls uncomfortable at the bar. Can’t have that causing issues for the frat.
Shit man. I’m sorry. Lemme talk to him.
Nah dude, it’s good. We have a protocol for these kinds things. Just letting you know so you aren’t surprised. We’ll make sure he won’t bother any girls again.
Thanks dude. Lemme know if you need anything.
Nah bruh, relax. Enjoy your vacay.
Well as long as they have shit handled. I went back to my vacation and forgot about the whole situation. I would give him crap for it when I got back. The rest of our trip was great. I didn’t hear anything more from my bros so I assumed it all went according to plan. I was eager to get back to my roommate and prep him for full brotherhood when I got back. It wasn’t till I walked into the apartment I knew something was awry:
“Sup, bro, welcome back.”
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A deep voice echoed from the balcony. He stepped inside and was greeted by a stranger. His arms were as thick as a football, his legs as thick as tree trunks. The smell of sweat, sex, and stale beer followed him into the room. He had a fresh tattoo on his arm with the number 86 boldly displayed. The stranger walked with swagger up to me, like he owned the place. As he approached, his musk only grew more intense. It wasn’t until I noticed the glasses it all clicked into place:
“Bro… is that you?!?”
“Bruh, who else would it be?”
My roommate stood proudly in front of me. He had been going to the gym steadily but no amount of protein powder could explain the progress he had made in a week. He was also easily 3 inches taller. And the smell. I don’t know how to describe it but he smelled… virile. Like just being around him was starting to get me excited. He certainly had never been like this before.
“Looking good, right? Like the new tat? Year of our chapter’s founding, 1986. After all, I am made to be loyal to the frat.”
That line made it all click together. The tapes. They said they would handle the situation, I didn’t know they would use the tapes.
”Speaking of which, dude. I can’t believe you flaked on the frat and went on a trip with your partner. You’ve got to be loyal to your bros.”
His scent, his words, my mind was swimming in a way it hadn’t in a long time. He stepped towards me, grabbing my head. I was pulled into his pit. I tried to pull back but a hand on the back of my head held me firmly in place. I felt so aroused and so scared as I was forced to huff the scent of pure frat bro. I was… fading. I couldn’t… resist… my… my… bruhhhhh.
“I think that you should sit through the next set with me bro.”
My mind was blank as he told me to sit down on the couch. Of course, I would do anything for my frat bro. He put on a video and sat behind me.
“They said we could watch this one together.”
The video whirled to life as my roommate held me in place in his lap. A flash of color and a brief intro played. It explained that it was the last in a series of videos for brothers who were trouble makers in the frat. This last one was the most extreme. I felt a wave of guilt, knowing I had betrayed my brothers and the chapter. I wasn’t sure what I did but I knew it must be bad. My behavior had to change.
You will conform to the standard set by the frat, whatever it takes. You will be entirely dedicated to the brotherhood.
“I will be entirely dedicated to the brotherhood,” we both repeated, in unison.
Good. Since you have proven you can’t be trusted with making good decisions, your brothers have decided to make those for you. You will become the ultimate frat bro.
“I will become the ultimate frat bro.”
Let’s start on the outside. A brother works out daily, at least. Strong muscles make for a strong foundation.
As I repeated the words, they became my reality. I had certainly never been a scrawny guy before, but this was something else. My muscles convulsed all at once, then seemed to shred and burst. My muscles ached as pecs, biceps, abs all were pulled out of my body. I sweat under the effort as legs bloated and toned, bloated and toned. My back stretched out and shoulders mounded on muscle.
Good bro. Now, a brother should be cocky, with a cock to match. All the other fraternities should know how superior we are.
‘Shiiit, no other frat could even come close. We threw the best parties, had the hottest girls and… fuck the hottest guys. With a bod like this, just about no body could resist.’ As those thoughts echoed in my head, there was a sharp pain in my balls as they started to swell. My cock snaked down my shorts, throbbing with newfound power and size. A moan escaped my mouth as my cock swelled thick as a beer can. Anyone would beg for a cock like this.
A frat bro with a cock like that just needs to fuck. Your libido keeps your mind so full that you hardly have time to pass your business classes.
My swollen balls began to churn as my cock came to life. As my mind was thrust into a deep sexual haze, any aspirations I had on my pre-law track were pushed out, draining right to my balls and slowly leaking out my cock. At the same time, I felt my roommate begin to shift behind me. I felt his cock press against the small of my back, throbbing as it was thrust into overdrive. He began slowly humping against my back, and I leaned back against that massive cock. I wanted to help my bro however I could. He wrapped his arms around me and slowly started jacking me off. My mind was in pure bliss as I was kicked into overdrive. His arms felt so warm and strong, and he was pushing all my buttons till I was thrusting into his hands.
The frat is a part of you. You live, breath, and sweat the frat. Everyone who meets you will know exactly what you’re about and submit to you, an alpha bro. You put the reek in Greek.
My mind processed for a second until the smell hit me from behind and I understood. My hormones shifted as sweat poured out. It was hard work being a fraternity brother, and everyone would know that. I worked overtime as the smell of straight frat filled my nostrils. The apartment changed in response, filled with leftover beers, used tank tops, and soaked underwear. Anyone who entered would fall into an immediate haze, the smell of bros clouding their mind. My mind was… so… slow. Just… needed… FUCK.
You will keep it simple, keep it stupid.
“I will keep it simple, keep it stupid.”
My head felt like it was filled with fluff. No thoughts, just instinct.
You will listen to your pledge master, follow all he says.
“I will listen to my pledge master, follow all he says.”
It was so much easier to just trust my bros. Whatever they said went.
You will live for and serve your bros, live for and serve the frat.
“I will live for and serve my bros and the frat.”
I would do anything for my bros. Gotta keep ‘em happy.
The frat is life.
“The frat is life.”
My roommate’s cock was still rock hard behind me. His grip was edging me as moaned for release. I could dedicate my life to men like him.
Thank you for your cooperation. There will be no further issues. Now cum.
And I did. Ropes shot across the floor as all the changes were set in stone. I was just another frat dude, struggling through Business classes and fucking through the night.
And with that the video ended. It took a sec for me to regain my senses. I slowly refocused my eyes and… fuck bruh my head is pounding. Musta partied too hard last night. Shit, I was drooling all over myself, lol. I mean, I’m hot but not that hot. And fuck, I made a mess. Bro, what happened? It’s already late, I’ve got to get ready to go out tonight.
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I was going to throw on a polo and some shorts when my roommate put a hand on my shoulder. This man must’ve got a double dose of whatever I got. Bro, he was on another fucking level. He pulled me in tight, cupped my ass in his hands, held my chin, and slid his tongue in my mouth. All at once, my world shifted as the fraternity’s motto rang in my head, I will be entirely dedicated to the brotherhood. An aching in my balls told me that I wasn’t going to make it out tonight. I had my frat bro… no, my big bro right here. And he will take care of his little bro. He pulled down his sweatpants and a thick rod popped out from the waistband. He gently guided me to his cock, the true source of his musk. Our scents mingled as my thoughts were consumed by sex. The salty taste of pre coated my tongue as the tip slid down the back of my throat. My mind faded as the smell of the frat filled my nostrils. I was lost in bliss as my bro started pumping, pumping down my throat. Gone was the nerdy roommate I had:
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There was nothing left but frat bro.
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adverbally · 2 months
Text
Conversations with Dead People
Written for the @steddieangstyaugust prompt “Ghosts” | wc: 1,159 | rated: T | cw: past major character death, brief passive suicidal ideation | tags: grief, not a fix-it, Eddie is Dead | title from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode that inspired this fic (season 7, episode 7)
This takes place in an AU where Steve and Eddie have been together since shortly after the events of season 3. The events of season 4 happen as they do in canon.
———
He’s not really a ghost, Eleven had explained. It’s more like residual psychic energy that Eddie left behind when he died. An echo, lingering, a telepathic reverberation of his soul or brain waves or whatever made him Eddie. Him, but not. It’s a distinction that Steve can’t seem to make, not when he’s sitting cross-legged on the floor of his living room in front of El, waiting for her to make contact.
“Eddie?” Steve asks tentatively. “Are you there?”
El is quiet behind her blindfold for a moment. “He says, ‘Hey, Stevie.’”
He doesn’t know what he was expecting but shock forces a laugh out of him, too loud and a little wet. “Hey, Eds.” He hasn’t said those words in months but it still feels natural, like a reflex. “I miss you.”
“He misses you too. He sounds sad but he’s smiling,” El reports matter of factly.
“You can see him?” Somehow this might be the thing that breaks Steve, the longing and the fear of seeing him again twisting in his gut. “Is he– does he look–”
“He looks normal. Not hurt. But he says you look like shit.”
Eddie can see him, Eddie is okay, Eddie is trying to joke around to make him feel better, Eddie is so close but out of reach and… Steve’s face crumples.
He can’t do this. Why is he doing this? Hope and despair are warring in a sticky lump in his throat, choking him until he can’t speak. He’s wasting his chance to talk to Eddie again. He doesn’t want to talk to him, he wants to feel him, cold hands and strong arms and sharp teeth and soft lips. He wants him back. He wants to be with him.
“‘Don’t cry, baby.’” The words are soft and clunky coming from El’s mouth but Steve knows exactly how Eddie must sound on the other side.
The sob he was suppressing rips its way out of him. “I miss you,” he says again, stupidly, but he can’t think of anything else. He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes like they can stem the flood of tears now that they have begun. “I miss you so much.”
The static on the radio is the only response for long seconds before El says, “He’s crying now. He says he’s sorry. Not sorry he did it but sorry it turned out like this.”
Steve shakes his head. Any real anger he felt toward Eddie had been short lived, but the reminder stings. “You had to be a hero, huh?”
“‘It was worth it to keep you safe.’”
He tries not to think too hard about how much he wishes he could’ve switched places with Eddie. Eddie wouldn’t have let him, of course, stubborn as he is. Was. Is? Steve clears his throat before asking, “Are you… okay?”
It’s a stupid question. How can Eddie be okay? What could Steve do about it anyway? Thankfully Eddie seems to understand what he was trying to ask.
“‘I’m still dead, sweetheart,’” Eddie-El says, almost apologetically. “‘But I’m okay. I’m not in pain, I’m safe. It’s not like being in the Upside Down. It’s peaceful.’”
“Okay. That’s good,” Steve says, almost to himself.
El tilts her head like she’s listening. “He says he watches out for you.”
God, what must Eddie have seen over the past three months? How many nights had Steve sobbed himself to sleep, clutching Eddie’s pillow and trying to memorize its fading scent? How often had Steve put on a brave face to comfort Dustin and reassure him that Eddie’s death wasn’t his fault? How many times had Steve gone to visit Wayne, both of them sitting at the kitchen table while they cried into their cups of coffee and silently mourned the way that the trailer seemed so damn empty without Eddie there to fill it?
“‘Are you okay?’” El asks on Eddie’s behalf.
“We’re just trying to keep it together. It’s…” Steve wipes his nose on the sleeve of his hoodie. It was Eddie’s hoodie, actually, but Steve kept stealing it. It’s soft and it smells good! You’re never getting it back! he had laughed. Now it smells more like Steve than Eddie and he couldn’t give it back even if he wanted to. “It’s really fucking hard without you.”
“‘You’re always looking out for everyone else. Promise me you’ll take care of yourself?’” The inflection of it sounds like goodbye, like all those mornings of Eddie gearing up to head back to the trailer before Wayne noticed, like Steve begging for just one more kiss before Eddie left.
But there’s something final in it this time that makes panic surge in Steve’s chest.
“Nonono, don’t go, you can’t– you just got here, you can’t just leave,” he babbles, wishing Eddie had a physical presence he could hold on to. The logical part of Steve’s mind knew that this was only temporary, that any echo will eventually fade, but he hadn’t realized it would be so soon.
“‘I wish I could stay.’” El sounds so sad when she speaks for him.
Steve presses his hands to his mouth, tries to hold in the terrible sound of his grief until Eddie isn’t there to hear it anymore. He takes a deep breath and tries to keep his voice level despite the tears streaming down his face. “Will I see you again?”
“‘Hopefully not for a long, long time.’”
He thinks of the past three months, thinks of going through that three more times to make a year, then all of that over and over for as many years as he has left… It sounds like pure torture.
“‘Promise me,’” Eddie-El insists.
“I promise.” Steve’s voice breaks, but he tries to crack a smile when he remembers Eddie can see him. “Stay out of trouble?”
Even before El says, “He laughed at that,” Steve is picturing Eddie’s head tossed back with the force of his guffaw, his dark eyes glimmering with amusement. It settles something in him.
“I love you,” Steve says, snotty and shaky but as solemn as a wedding vow.
The radio stutters then, sounding like it’s flipping through frequencies on its own. When the jumble of static and indistinct speech stops, Steve hears Eddie’s voice, loud and clear, for the first time since March.
“I love you, Steve Harrington,” he announces. Soft and warm like spending a lazy morning in bed. Bright and smiley like adoring someone in a way that can’t be hidden. Exhilarated and awed like collapsing together in a sweaty, spent heap. Bittersweet like a kiss goodnight, like a little white lie, like a promise that has to be broken.
Steve feels that voice surrounding him, crashing over and through him. He shuts his eyes and hugs himself, tries to hold himself together, until the radio shuts itself off.
Then, in the echoing silence of his living room, Steve lets himself fall to pieces.
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ena-writes-stuff · 18 days
Text
— unscheduled break.
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˒ ⌕ with his work consuming more of his time, the special evenings you once shared become rare. feeling the strain of this separation, you decide to visit him during a livestream.
— warnings: smut, female reader, use of his real name
— words count: 2.3k
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
He had warned you an hour ago that he was going to start a stream on his secret Twitch channel. It was a well-established routine: every now and then, he would lock himself in his office to dedicate a few hours to livestreaming, attending meetings, or even catching up on emails. During these periods, you chose to stay in his room, using the time to work or study something that needed to be resolved.
Despite the routine often feeling solitary, there was a valuable compensation: when evening arrived, after dinner, you knew you would get to enjoy moments together. It was a special time reserved just for the two of you, a moment you eagerly anticipated. It was during these hours that you could snuggle in his arms, feel his warmth and scent, and be enveloped in a comforting embrace. Sleeping next to him, feeling his scent mix with yours, made everything sweeter and more meaningful. These little things, these shared moments, were what made the wait and loneliness of the day more bearable and gave purpose to the time spent apart.
But, since last week, things had changed drastically. The frequency of your time together had decreased significantly. He was increasingly busy with work, and this extra load was causing a misalignment in your schedules. There were days when you would wake up early in the morning and find his office still lit, with him immersed in his work. It seemed that instead of starting his day by your side, he was beginning earlier and ending later. Other times, you would be woken up in the middle of the night when he tried to get into bed in the dark, after you had spent hours waiting for him and eventually falling asleep.
He had promised to make up for the lost time, to find a way to get things back to normal, but that promise seemed distant and increasingly unlikely. The special moments that used to mark the end of the day, the cuddles at night, now felt like a distant echo of a time that was no longer a reality. The longing for those hours together grew each day, and the time that once seemed so well-balanced between work and personal life was now heavily tilted towards work and stress. The yearning increased, and you had the chance to have a few minutes with him at that moment, if you could manage to stay quiet enough. The desire to be by his side, even for a brief moment, was intense, and your heart pounded with anticipation for the reunion.
So you decided to do something that had long remained just a timid, almost impossible thought at the back of your mind. Entering his workspace, even for a fleeting moment, was a risk you were willing to take. The room was silent except for the constant sound of the keyboard and Alexis' own loud voice. As you opened the door, you made sure the creak was as discreet as possible. The door itself made a low noise, a sharp sound that seemed to fill the space for a moment, but not enough to penetrate the ambient noise and reach the microphone picking up your beloved's voice.
“Hey, babe,” his voice softly echoed as he finally turned to face you. Despite the visible exhaustion on his face, he seemed determined to keep up with his work marathon. The idea of playing Fortnite for two hours as part of the job seemed surreal, but it was the reality of the moment. “I’m still live, and I think after this, I have a meeting with—”
The conversation was taking a direction you were familiar with. Your eyes wandered between your boyfriend’s face, the muted microphone, and his two computer screens. On one of them, the Fortnite game continued; his character was standing still, a clear indication that he had stopped focusing on the game to pay attention to you. The screens' glow reflected off the glass screen, mixing with the fatigue in his eyes.
“I miss you,” you said, your voice heavy with the sincerity of your feelings.
He blinked, as if the simple recognition of your desire for connection had awakened a new level of awareness in him. “I miss you so much too, my dear,” he replied with a tired smile. “Just a little longer, and the stream will end. After that, we can meet and talk more.”
“No,” you cut off the idea, with a slightly whiny tone, not wanting to think about when that would actually happen, allowing yourself the luxury of ignoring any other complaints or excuses he might make. “Here. Now.”
The words came out softly, almost a whisper, as you moved closer, your body gently leaning toward him. Your lips sought his with a touch of delicacy, as if they were made of the same ethereal material as dreams. The kiss started soft and exploratory, the taste of his sweet kiss filling your tongue, as you indulged in a subtle game of intimacy.
Alexis, in turn, responded with an instinctive caress on your waist, his hands sliding slowly in an affectionate gesture. He wasted no time giving in to the kiss he had been longing for, his emotions spilling into a deep and genuine kiss. Each touch, each movement, seemed like an unspoken promise, a reaffirmation of the desire that had grown between you. The moment extended, the connection between you both strengthening with each passing second, while the world around seemed to disappear, reduced to a sequence of soft sighs.
“It’s better if we stop; I think chat is already missing me…” Despite the frustration of losing contact and pleasure, you merely nodded, acknowledging that he was right and that it was the best course of action. The tingling sensation you felt as you dragged the back of his hand across your cheek brought immediate relief, as if a painter was spreading colors on a blank canvas. He really knew you, inside and out. “But I’m really tempted to just…” he whispered, not needing to finish the sentence for you to understand what he was thinking.
He wore a black pair of shorts that contrasted his tanned skin, and on top, he had a tank top, both of which screamed 'comfort' when you looked at him. His dark hair was tied in a ponytail, a move that must have been a daily routine. With a mix of curiosity and boldness, you gently brushed my fingers against the sudden bulge that had formed between his thighs. The intimate contact was undeniable, and after so long of abstinence, he was putty in your hands.
Your palms slightly tingled with the power it gave you; as a studious and outspoken individual, this kind of control was intoxicating, if not a bit unexpected.
“My love, can you please help me out?”
As Alexis’ voice zapped through your system, your legs betrayed you, buckling underneath your weight. Like a marionette pulled by strings, you tumbled to the floor in front of his office chair. A fiery wave of desire blossomed within you, an urgency to kneel and serve him, to satisfy his every whim. His hands trembled as he fumbled with the keys of his keyboard, his voice quivering as he tried to string together an excuse for the delay. He knew he was failing, couldn't hide the truth: you being to obey, to give in to his demands, all while he broadcasted to his viewers who were oblivious to the situation. The lack of webcam, a small mercy, spared them the spectacle.
Your heart raced, nerves and hunger warring within you. Sweat dampened your skin, the clinging tendrils of your hair a reminder of your flustered state. The thought of pleasing him, of serving him, sent a shiver down your spine as you lowered his pants, the underwear he was wearing followed suit, revealing his erect manhood that seemed to be craving for your touch. With your heart racing, you stood there for a moment, taking in the sight before you, your gaze lingering on the pulsating flesh that begged for attention.
Lovely.
Your mouth moved to his throbbing member, lips wrapping around it as your tongue teased the sensitive tip. You swallowed greedily, desperate to take him in, before pulling back to tease. Your hand joined in, skillfully caressing his length in a rhythmic dance. You were eager and satisfied, ready to serve.
As your eyes watered, you tried to keep your focus, swallowing hard as you felt the thick cock invade the recesses of your throat. The sudden force caught you off guard, but you couldn't show it. Your gaze flicked to Alexis’ face, a silent reminder of where you were, a girl with her mouth full, sucking off your boyfriend that tried his best to focus on the game and not to moan in pleasure. Your hands worked diligently, gripping his shaft tightly. You caressed him fervently, your fingers playing teasingly with his heavy, aching balls. With each stroke, you reminded yourself why you were doing this — for him. Your tongue danced eagerly along his length, willing to give him everything he craved.
You fixated on his every reaction and micro expression, drinking in the visuals he provided. Your attention was abruptly pulled away when he let out a dangerously loud whimper. Your hands flew to his mouth, shushing him. "You're being too loud, baby," You whispered, your lips curling into a soft, amused smile. You watched as he hurriedly muted the microphone, the shuddering moan that escaped him only further fueling your excitement when you saw he unmuted again. "Hush, love. Quiet, remember?" You reminded him, keeping your voice low.
You watched as Alexis nodded, the rocking motion coming to him with ease. You could sense the rising pleasure within him, and though he strained to suppress it, soft whimpers and gasps of air still managed to escape. Your hand found its way to his thigh, gently squeezing and whispering, "Shhh, shh, baby. I know it feels good, baby."
It became increasingly clear that the intense pleasure his body was experiencing was taking a toll on his performance. Sure enough, he lost another match in the game, slamming his hand against the table in what could have been frustration from losing, or an attempt to alleviate the mounting arousal. The tension in the room was almost palpable.
"FUCK!" Alexis screamed, gripping a fistful of your hair and forcefully pushing his erection against your face. In a split second, he decided on a plan — pretending to be so enraged the he’d cut the live stream. He reached for his computer, shutting down the stream as his cock invaded your mouth once again. Now it was just the two of you and that was the perfect moment that you would be able to worship him.
He fixed his gaze in your eyes, being able to see the way you stared at him. The look of his own perdition. He sighed heavily, moving his hip while the low moans escaped. For a moment, he tilted his head back, just feeling the pleasurable sensations that ran through his body when he had your tongue sliding so well through his cock.
You really knew how to drive him crazy with your touches and if for some moment he thought he didn’t, he had been too foolish. His cock went in and out of your mouth easily, he was already in ecstasy, fucking on cloud nine.
There was a sheer ecstasy that washed over his face. His body trembled, a testament to the intense delight that consumed him. Drunk with lust, he succumbed, the intensity of his orgasm palpable between you. He allowed himself to spill any drop of sperm into your throat, letting the overwhelming sensation take over him.
Your gaze drifted to Alexis, who had collapsed into his chair, his body slick with perspiration. His heavy breaths echoed in the silence of his office. He wiped the back of his hand across his brow, leaving a smear of moisture in its wake. You couldn't help but notice the flushed hue that spread across his features, a testament to the pleasure he'd just experienced.
Observing him in this vulnerable state brought a twisted sense of satisfaction, knowing that he, the studious and outspoken one, was now rendered weak.
He finally looked down, his eyes expressing a mix of concern and regret as he observed the uncomfortable situation you were in. "Shit, I'm sorry, my love…" he murmured, his voice laden with remorse, as he carefully lowered himself to hold your hands. With a gentle and protective gesture, he began helping you to rise, offering support and trying to alleviate the discomfort you had been enduring for the past few minutes. "Come here, sit on my lap," he said with a voice that conveyed tenderness and a genuine desire to make you feel better. He adjusted his position to ensure that you were comfortable and secure, his gaze fixed on you with a care that seemed to say more than words could express.
And that’s how you both finally managed to enjoy the lost time. You were comfortably seated on Alexis's lap, feeling the softness of his touches and the sincerity of his affection. Each tender kiss on your shoulder and each sweet word whispered in your ear seemed to fill the space between you with a renewed and profound intimacy.
As you settled into Alexis’ embrace, a new perspective began to emerge.
Maybe interrupting him at work from time to time wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
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xxxsaturnxx · 6 months
Text
König head cannons
As requested on my most recent poll!! I did try to keep it very neutral and ‘fluffy’. Please let me know who else i should write for im always looking for new ideas!!
König keeps a little journal with him at all times when he’s deployed. Just something to vent at or doodle in. He’s not the best artist but he tries, he even has small doodles in almost every page that kind of look like you.
His journal is VERY private the only person thats allowed to take a peak in there every now and then is you. Sometimes when he’s busy somewhere else in the house and he leaves his journal unattended you put tiny love notes in the corners of the pages.
While he’s not deployed König has three moods. Couch potato, horn dog, and the biggest ball of energy anyones ever seen.
König in couch potato mode is just a giant weighted blanket. He’ll lay on the couch taking up the entire couch just watching a movie or show of his choosing. You can try to join him but only if you can lift a part of him up, and if you can’t the floor or his lap would do fine.
König while he’s all energetic can mean a couple things for you. He’ll either want you to join him on a run or hike, but his idea of a small hike or a short run might just kill you half way through.
NSFW MDNI
When könig is riled up he’s practically glued to you in someway. His hands would most likely fall on your chest or waist trying to feel every inch of skin he can reach. His mouth would be marking you all over your neck, chest, and legs are going to be covered with bite marks and hickes red and sore.
Sometimes when he’s particularly desperate humping is to be expected. In those times you can bring down this massive 6’10 hulking man into nothing more than a whiny mess, Begging for your touch. He’ll look up at you while on his knees with those beautiful ocean eyes begging for any kind of attention/friction.
If hes just gotten back from deployment best believe the first thing hes looking for is you. He’ll drop everything at the door slamming it with his foot. The second he spots you his hands and lips are all over you. He mumbles against your skin about how much hes missed you before taking your lips into his.
Later that day he makes sure that you feel every inch second hes missed you. Almost breaking the bed, couch, you and table throughout the night. He does make sure to slow down every once and a while to just love on you and to also give you a break.
Königs stamina is very well above average much like the rest of him. He understands that breaks are important so you don’t break. ( as euphoric as it would be)
His after care routine is just as much for you as it is for him. Back rubs, bathroom trips and head scratches are some favorites but just having him there still breathing heavy wiping the sweat from your brow and giving you soft kisses all over your face is definitely on the top of all favorites.
König rarely loses control when you’re together, always couscous of how you feel and react. But there are those moments when he just snaps in the best way possible.
Sometimes he snaps before hes even entered you and he just grips the base of your head and positions you like you’re nothing more than a rag doll. König just relentlessly thrusting in and out of you while hes holding you still with one hand pushing your head down by your neck and the other sinking into your hip.
Other times könig and you are mid stroke when he snaps. Positioning you under him almost being crushed by his weight. He mindlessly pounds into you like a wild animal, both times ending with him filling you over and over again till hes had his fill, leaving you dripping and cock drunk.
It is almost guaranteed that you wake up the next morning sore and bruised but very satisfied. He’ll apologize for losing control by pampering you the entire day, so expect a lot of cuddles, kisses, and being fed your favorite foods.
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luza-wayne · 4 months
Text
someone to protect.
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himejima gyomei x reader
wc: 9.4k
a/n: i'm not so sure how to feel about this :||
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himejima came out of the room with the meeting he just had with the corps leader that ended swiftly. he bowed one last time to ubayashiki before closing the door.
as he walks down the corridor of the house, he thinks back to what he and ubayashiki talk about.
“ah…” he groaned as he rubbed his palms together. “another newly appointed hashira.”
he was visiting the master when the latter brought up this new information. he was told that this new hashira eliminated the lower rank three of the twelve demon moons.
tears started to fall down his cheeks as usual.
“ah… i wish they wouldn’t die as easily.” he cries, his sensitive heart breaking just by the thought of his fellow slayer dying, even if they haven’t met yet.
meanwhile, you just arrived at the headquarters with the help of a kakushi leading the way for you. you were told by the kakushi to wait in the backyard, while he went to announce your arrival to the people in the house. 
you know why you were here.
recently, you managed to kill the lower rank two.
whether it was luck or not that the sun came out as your stamina was running low from trying to keep him the demon from running away, the only thing you know is that your loathing for those disgusting monsters have gone up to the maximum level. 
just thinking about them makes your hands shake with anger.
that same day you got the recognition for slaughtering the lower rank three was the same day you lost your closest friend.
the friend who you grew up with. that friend who was with you and helped you when a demon killed your only family, your father. that friend who joined the corps with you. 
the friend who you promised to protect.
just to fail. 
your mouth was open but no words were coming out of it. you watched in horror as her body slowly lost its strength.
“don't cry…” she muttered, slowly. she knows you don’t realize how much tears are coming out of your eyes, that your sclera is already turning red, the same color as her red-stained clothes.
your friend was lying on your arms, blood flowed out of the large wound the demon gave her when she almost beheaded it. 
“d-don’t talk! help is on their way! just wait for a bit— i promise i won't let you die—” your eyes, disoriented from panicking, looked around to see if anyone's coming your way.
‘is there anything there that can stop her bleeding?! pressure! i should put pressure on the wound—’
your distraught mind stopped when you felt her hands, covered with blood, touch your cheek.
you looked into her already half closed eyes. 
“no… pressure… let me apply—” you uttered, trying to ignore the tightness of your throat.
she shook her head.
“(y/n), it's too late for me…” she answered.
“no, just shut your mouth! i know help is on the way!” you shouted as you took off your haori and tried to tie it around her waist, trying to stop the blood from flowing out more. not noticing how your breaths became shorter and faster. 
“please… just promise me one thing—” she started.
you held her hand on your cheeks and looked down at her. 
“no! i’m not promising you anything! you better survive this! you haven't taught me yet how to make those mochi you always make! i still haven't found the demon who killed my father! you told me you'll help me with it! so you better survive!”
she smiled weakly at you. tears filled her eyes as she listened to you one last time. 
“you have to survive… please… you're the only one i have left…” you whispered, your own tears falling on her cheeks. 
“s-sorry…” she said and stopped to take another deep breath. “please… i'm sorry for leaving you all alone. please be happy…”
you sobbed as you nodded.
seeing your answer, she smiled. and her hands slowly slipped down from their touch on your cheeks, while her eyes slowly closed. 
you shook your head. you felt your eyes get teary again and it snapped you out of your thoughts.
that kakushi said i should go to the back, right? 
as you were walking to the backyard, you heard a noise coming from the shrub on the fence’s side. you immediately went into alert, ready to attack it if ever it's something that needs to be taken down at once. 
you took your stance and were ready to sheathe your sword.
“nyaa~”
eh?
“a cat?” you muttered as you relaxed your body. 
what am i doing getting all tense to a cat?
now that i think about it, that was too much reaction. it’s not like there will be demons at the headquarters. what’s more, the sun is out…
“...pfft—” you immediately covered your mouth and tried to hold yourself back from letting out a laugh.
you crouched down and held your hand out to the creature. you moved your fingers and tried to call the cat.
“come here.” you talked to it. 
it meowed again before making its way to you. you peeked on its genitals and noted that it’s a male. he rubbed his face on your palm and you could hear his purrs. a small smile appeared on your lips.
“where did you come from?” you asked him, knowing he wouldn’t answer back except for a meow.
“are you a cat of the master?” you queried again before lifting the cat up and holding it close to your chest.
you examined him and he seems fine with no evident injury. you felt relieved. 
“thank goodness you're not hurt or anything.” you whispered as you pulled him closer to you.
“please live safely.” you added, booping his nose. 
the cat suddenly jumped out of your hold and ran away, vanishing from your view into a corner.
“(y/n)-sama, this way please.” the kakushi with you earlier suddenly spoke. 
you stood and tidied up your uniform.
“yes.” you answered before following them.
“nyaa~” 
“oh?” himejima uttered when the cat meowed his way. he knelt down and offered his arms to the cat.
the cat immediately jumped onto him.
“were you finished talking to that person?” he asked the feline who became fascinated by the sound that his prayer beads are making with his every move.
she must be the new hashira. he thought to himself.
as he pets the cat, he smiles to himself.
at the very least, she seems to be kind from the way she treated this cat. i wish her all the best and hope she survives long.
when his kakushi guide arrived, he left the place carrying the cat that was a stray one when he was on his way to the headquarters.
it’s been seven months. 
seven months ever since you’ve been posted in your jurisdiction. you did your best to protect the people from where you were assigned.
you got to admit, with protecting them and having to be always alert that a demon might appear suddenly at night during your patrol helped get some thoughts off of your mind.
but, it will make you never forget the hatred you feel for every demon.
every time you encounter one, at the back of your mind you're thinking that maybe not all demons are like that, only for that thought to be shattered once you hear how they explain with no remorse that eating human flesh is delicious and that they'll always choose to be demon even in their next life.
it makes your skin crawl with disgust that you even gave them a bit of compassion. you regret even thinking that they might be different from others.
you hate them. 
you loathe them. 
you won't forgive them for killing all your beloved ones.
you won't let even one of these revolting creatures escape your blade. you swore to kill the one who took your father's life with this blade.
it's dawn and you just woke up. you sleep during the day as demons are more active during the night, so you as a hashira should be too.
after getting ready, you immediately head out of your house that you bought after receiving your first pay as a hashira.
you also took in two tsuguko. 
they helped you out maintaining the large place. one of them is just waiting for the final selection to take place and become an official part of the corps, while the other one has just started training.
watching them two puts a smile on your face. 
they're such great students. it makes you feel proud just thinking about them becoming the best swordsman they can be.
also, worried and scared. scared that they might end up with the same fate as your best friend.
but, you trust them.
and you can't deny the fact that might happen to you too, today, tomorrow, next week, or soon.
“master, please be careful!” your younger tsuguko waved goodbye to you.
“please come back home to us in one piece!” the older one said.
they looked at each other and smiled widely.
“please bring some dangos too!” they said in unison.
you chuckled and waved back to them while walking out of the house.
“okay, okay. i won’t forget. i'll leave the house to you.” you told them and headed out.
it’s been just months but they’ve become attached to you already.
your older disciple, akiro, was a kid whose sole family left was killed by a demon. the massacre of his family happened around the time when you weren't a hashira yet and was stationed to a different place. you found him, four days after getting the highest rank, aimlessly walking around the town with nothing but his torn clothes from fighting and escaping the demon.
who knows how long he must've been walking around without thinking?
you took him to your rented house during that time. he asked you why you were helping him, and you answered him, it's just natural.
when you bought your current house, he suddenly walked up to you with teary eyes and thanked you for everything you did for him, thinking that you're done taking care of him and was about to leave him. 
you laughed when you heard it, immediately replied saying that he's welcome but you never told him you're moving alone.
he was delighted to hear it, seeing how his face lit up brought a smile to your lips.
when he regained his strength and health back, he asked you to teach him about demons and how to kill them. asking him the reason for wanting to learn it, he replied that he wanted to take revenge for his family member.
it pained your heart a bit. of course, just like you, it’s not easy to forget something like that. but you gave him what he wanted and took him as your first tsuguko.
the younger one, kenji, was a feisty one when you first met him. finding him trying to survive alone in the mountain with nothing but his make-shift weapons and his own built house made of branches of trees and large leaves.
when you spotted his hideout, you thought it was a trap made by a demon in order to catch humans, but when you turned around, you saw him carrying a bundle of woods, to keep him warm for the night.
you asked him what he's doing there and he candidly answered that he lives there. he said that he ran away from his abusive mother after his beloved father died and started living on his own because no one else would take in another mouth to feed.
you know you couldn’t leave a 12-year-old boy alone in the woods. you’re surprised that he wasn’t targeted by the demons yet, but you wouldn’t wait for it to happen first before you act.
you told him that he shouldn’t live there because there could be demons lurking around and that you’ll guide him back to his house. suddenly, a sharp pointed staff almost shoots past your face, you manage to easily dodge it. 
you looked at him and flinched at the mixed look of fear and hate in his eyes. you were wrong for that, you didn’t process what he said earlier and stepped on mine. you apologized to him and just as you were about to speak again, you heard the growling of a demon about to jump at the two of you.
it was just a low-grade demon, so you immediately dealt with it with ease. but, your every slash bore your deep hatred with them as they cut through its neck. when you looked back at him, you told him that this is the reason why he can’t stay there. he was hesitant to come with you, but you promised him that you won’t bring him back to his mother.
your older disciple welcomed him and he slowly warmed up to his new found older brother. 
they are now getting along just fine. the older one became comfortable and is now a reliable one and the younger one’s now a cheerful and healthy kid.
watching them fills your heart with fuzziness and you vow to protect them with everything you could until they become full-fledged swordsmen.
you started your patrol around the area, once you didn't really get any order to eradicate a demon or investigate a suspicious case from your crow.
speaking of your crow, it went to the headquarters to get some new information and order from the master and still hasn't come back.
well, based on the time my crow arrives after sending her off is long, i can assume that the headquarters might be far from my place.
guess i'll just have to be alert and patrol around.
it was past midnight already and fortunately you’re not feeling anything suspicious or any presence of a demon.
*caw. caw.*
your eyebrows furrowed when you heard a crow, you turned your head and saw it coming your way. it was your crow finally arriving after a long trip from the headquarters to your jurisdiction.
you raise your arms to her to rest on and she immediately tells you what the leader has told you.
“the master would like to say that the monthly report for hashira’s will be happening next weekend. please be ready.” she started.
you nodded, reaching for her seed bag that you keep on you. you grabbed a fistful of seeds and thanked her for doing all of that.
“also, order! order! you are to collaborate with another hashira tomorrow in a forest that borders both of your assigned regions. lots of lower rank slayers have lost their lives! investigate and kill the demons!” 
she added and ate her seeds as soon as she finished.
another hashira? who might it be?
i’m not familiar with the rest of hashira's. i’m only talking to kanae and then the rest’s name is all i know. 
that aloof looking guy, giyuu. that loud sound hashira, uzui. that one guy who made a scene in the last meeting, i think his name was shigazunawa? 
and that one big guy who always cries…
hi… himejima?
that guy’s always crying, but when i tried talking to him last time as he was the first one to arrive and i came after, he stood in front of me and put his large hands on top of my head and he suddenly prayed.
what was that? 
i just stayed silent because i don’t want to be rude to someone older than me, but that was weird. thankfully, kanae arrived shortly after.
i hope he’s not the one i’m working with tomorrow.
great.
as you’re running on the entrance of the forest that your crow has led you to, you could already see himejima’s gigantic body from afar.
you sped up your run and stopped in front of him.
“good evening, himejima-san.” you greeted him, you bowed to him thanking him for waiting for you.
you’re here to slay numerous demons tonight. just thinking about the countless people that died in this place makes your eyes rage with anger and contempt for those atrocious monsters.
as you were raising your head, you felt his hands on the top of your head yet again.
you were about to ask what he’s doing when he started his chants. you wanted to groan in disbelief, but you can’t.
“let’s go.” he uttered as soon as he was finished and started walking towards the forest.
“yes…” you replied and fixed your hair.
seriously, what was that for?
as the two of you walk through the dark, eerie forest, himejima leads the way. the moon was supposed to be your only light, but just your luck, it’s really cloudy tonight. 
you were astonished as to how he easily perceives the structure of his surroundings and the things in front of him.
you weren’t even thinking when you suddenly talked to him.
“himejima-san, it’s amazing. y— you can easily navigate through this forest.” you complimented, realizing in the middle of the sentence that your mouth was speaking your mind, but just decided to follow through.
“mhm. i have a hearing that i enhanced in order to live normally in this world.” he answered, without stopping his feet. “you seemed to have hesitated in continuing your sentence. i can hear that you didn’t mean to say those words out loud.” he added.
he has good hearing, he said? maybe he’s using it like echolocation? or is it really echolocation?
he suddenly stopped walking that alerted you. 
you immediately went into a fighting stance, ready to cut up every single of those sickening creatures that might show up out of nowhere.
“a single thought of a demon makes your thoughts in disarray. your hatred for them is reflecting with your every move, yet it’s holding you back at the same time.” himejima blurted out, not moving an inch from where he was.
“what?” you asked him, with an annoyed face.
“(y/n),” he turned his body halfway and faced you. “your hatred for them is holding you back.”
his words strike a nerve in you. you knew he wouldn’t be able to see your offended face, so you had to use your words.
“i’m sorry, himejime-san, but what do you know about me and the things that i experienced? you’re being extremely rude for our first work together, don’t you think?” you refuted, releasing your hold on your katana grip.
she’s upset. himejima noted in his mind.
“i’m sorry for that. i didn’t mean to upset you.” he apologized.
you were still a bit offended by what he said, but knowing that you can’t move freely in this darkness and he can, you knew arguing with him is not the wisest thing to do.
“i see.” you replied and looked away.
he smiled. he knew it wasn’t a genuine reply from you, but he was at fault here, so didn’t pried more.
he continued walking to where he could feel the presence of the demons.
he also realized that should’ve chosen a friendlier topic to strike up the conversation. he didn’t want to make the first collaboration with the hashira that he’s most interested in awkward, so he tried continuing the talk.
and he did so lousily by mentioning that insight he had about you being hateful to the demons.
after the first time he ever heard her talking to the cat, he was always praying that his crow would not come to him and report that this fellow hashira died in the middle of completing a mission. 
especially when you said those words to the cat, he felt like he needed to always keep a close look at you or else you could lose yourself.
it might’ve been just imagination and self-interpretation, but still. still, he was joyful when you attended the monthly meeting of hashiras for the sixth consecutive time.
he then remembered something kanae told him last meeting.
“how are your tsugukos doing?” he asked, hoping that this time it’s the right topic.
“my tsugukos?” you repeated.
he was right on the target. he could hear how your heart skips a beat with excitement when he mentions them. it was like you forgot that you were angry at him in the first place.
she must’ve cherished them so much.
“mhm. tell me about them.” he replied, smiling while walking straight.
huh? what kind of information does he want me to tell them? uhh…
“they said they want me to bring some dangos on my way home again. i bought them some yesterday and they really liked it.” you revealed.
“yeah. dangos are delicious.” he replied briefly.
“...” 
is that what he wanted to hear or not? why isn’t he saying something?
walking in complete awkwardness, you decided to talk more about your disciples.
“well, you see. my youngest one is still training his swordsmanship, but i can definitely tell. he’ll be a much greater swordsman than i am. he told me he’ll wait until he’s 15 years old and then participate in the final selection. my oldest one is just waiting for the final selection to happen. he’s a great swordsman too, but his quick decision thinking and ability to apply them into action is his edge— ah.” you suddenly realized how much you were talking and got carried away. “sorry, i said too much.” you continued.
“no, i don’t mind.” he comforted you. 
“oh, thank you.”
the walk was a bit quiet for a moment. himejima was contemplating whether it’s good to bring up something he noticed, or just let the conversation end there.
he risked it.
“but, when you mention the final selection. i can hear you’re a bit worried.” he said, hoping that you won’t get mad again.
instead, he heard your chuckles.
“your acute hearing sure is a bad match-up for those who want to keep their secrets, aren’t they?” you laughed.
“you’re right. i was the one who trained them and refined them to be the greatest swordsman that they could. but, deep in my heart… i’m always thinking twice whether to let them participate there or not. the exam is dangerous. unless you’re ready to give everything you got and throw everything away at the same time, you won’t survive there. i know it well because i experienced it too with my friend. she was the only reason i managed to endure those grueling seven days. if it wasn’t for her, i would’ve given up right on the first day.” you babbled.
his short hums and nods tell you that he was listening intently to all of it.
“i know my two students are different from me. they’re not the type to give up on the first day, but i still can’t help but to get worried. i’m scared that they won’t be back on the morning of the eighth day. but, i also don’t want to stop them from their ambitions. i also want them to achieve their dreams and reach their goals, so i won’t stop them. i’ll protect them until they reach it. i know they’ll make me proud, just like how i am proud of them.” you finished with a smile on your face, thinking about the moment when you welcomed them back once they passed the exam.
you look up at himejima and he was looking back at you with a smile, even though you can only see white in his eyes, you know his smile is pure and genuine.
“i’m sure they are also proud to have you as their teacher.” he replied.
your eyes widened as you felt your chest get excited.
“r-really?” you sheepishly said as you looked away.
you know he couldn’t see your face getting pink, but you just can’t help it. 
why is he smiling so softly like that? i’ve never seen him even crack a smile before. it’s weird that i’ve seen this guy cry first and smile next.
preoccupied with your thoughts, you suddenly bumped on his muscular back when you didn’t notice that he suddenly stopped walking.
“there’s a demon coming.” he announced.
alerted, you immediately grabbed your sword. you took your fighting stance ready to face any demon that may come from any direction.
“behind.” himejima uttered, which you quickly responded to.
“got it.” 
you quickly turned around and found a demon lurking up a tree. once he made eye contact with you, he immediately jumped at you.
“whoo! another female with that clothes! i’m so lucky these days! keep coming!” he shouted as he tried to slash you with his sharp claws.
you kept your stance.
once he entered your reach, you drew your blade and used your breathing. 
the water breathing was originally your style, but as time passes you upgraded and turned it to ice breathing. you’re still rough around the edges as sometimes, your body subconsciously uses one of the techniques from the water breathing.
you managed to finish him off with one technique. his body plops on the ground, while his head tumbled next to a tree.
“huh?” he muttered, failing to realize that he had been beheaded. 
he watched as his body slowly turned into ashes. his eyes enlarged, his teeth grinding against each other. he moved his focus to the two hashiras talking.
“your breathing is indeed fascinating. it’s promising.” himejima praised.
“thank you so much. i’m still getting used to it, but i’m working hard on it.” you replied, putting back your sword into its hilt.
“i look forward to it, (y/n). i hope i’ll be there when you finally master that intriguing breathing.” he said and was about to start walking deeper into the woods.
the two heard the demon who's in the middle of incineration, growling his words towards you.
“argh! damn! i can't believe i got beheaded by this mere woman! die!” he uttered, the veins in his eyes almost popping from anger.
you looked down on his head and stared at him with a disgusted face.
“this mere woman didn't even break a sweat in beheading you.” you said, “hurry up and die, demon.”
just conversing with this creature makes your skin crawl with revolt. you turned your head in front and was about to take a walk, when he said something that grabbed your attention.
“ugh! kokumo-sama’s waiting for my hunt tonight!” he intoned, looking desperate and scared. “he’s going to kill me if i don’t present him something! he’ll get mad and report me to that guy!” he added.
huh? ‘kokumo’? did i hear that right?
suddenly, himejima felt it again. the same sound coming from your heart that he heard when he saw you tonight.
he turned around to see you, frozen with a shocked look on your face.
you turned your heel to the demon, walking to him without wasting any time. you grabbed his rough hair and pulled it up until his eyes were on the same level as yours.
“now… what did you just say…? who’s waiting for your hunt…?” your words, chopped yet firm. 
you never broke eye contact with him. your orbs are staring at him as if you could see even his past life as a human.
this demon was on the verge of mental breakdown, scared that he might be killed for not offering a human flesh but then realized that dying would mean he’ll be free from the fear from both kokumo and that guy, kibutsuji.
he thought that even with all the humans he killed and ate, he’s given the chance to have a peaceful passing on.
yet, here you are. glaring at him with such cold and hateful eyes. 
he felt shivers down his spine, even though it’s decapitated already. even kokumo never looked at him with this much spite.
“i— i…” he stutters, “k… kokumo…” he finally answers.
“red haori.” you said, he nodded.
“vertical line marks from his eyes downwards...” he nodded.
“... lower rank 5.” 
he shook his head sideways.
“no… lower rank… 2… now…” he corrected you. 
you were right.
not only were he still alive, he even advanced in ranks. he moved up to the position of the demon that you killed with your best friend.
you stood up, still carrying his head in your hand. you raised your arms and asked him.
“where is he?” you questioned.
you completely ignored himejima’s presence. you didn’t have time to think about him while your reopened deep abomination towards that particular demon.
the incineration reached the demon’s jaw and mouth that he couldn’t answer your question. you looked at his body and saw that hands had turned into ashes already.
“damn! use your goddamn eyes and tell me where he is!” you shouted and grabbed his face with your other hand.
“where is he?!” himejima was surprised, not only by the volume, but with the shakiness driven by hate in your voice. he walked to you and held you by your shoulder. only to be brushed off by you almost immediately.
“tell me where he is!” you shouted again to the demon with trembling eyes.
finally, he moved his eyes. he looked over your shoulder, 5 o’ clock from your position.
without wasting any moment, you threw his head away and started running to where he told that demon was.
with no choice left, himejima decided to follow you. 
he knew you couldn’t see that much in this darkness and he was right. you stumbled, tripped and everything, but you never stopped running. you will not until you find that demon.
earlier, he noted how the sound your body emits was in disarray. just like how it is every time he meets you. he thought chanting a calming prayer for you would work, but he knows it’s only temporary.
every time a demon enters your mind, you immediately feel hate and repulsion. your hatred for them is so deep and it was engraved in every cell.
you were not the type to talk about your past, so kocho couldn’t tell much to him about what happened to you that made you hate demons this much. 
sure, everyone in the corps despised them too. but, he wanted to know the reason for your feelings. that must’ve been the reason why he’s always watching over you and searching for your presence during the monthly meetings.
though, now’s not the time to ask for the reason.
right now, he can hear how disturbed your mind is. your breaths are short and fast. you're so focused on reaching the destination, that you couldn’t hear him calling for you.
“(y/n), slow—” before he could even finish what he was saying, you stopped running.
he tried to feel his surroundings. he’s sure that there is a demon close by, maybe the reason why you stopped.
meanwhile, your eyes narrowed in annoyance. in front of you is a demon who’s out to hunt, not the person you’re looking for.
you unsheathed your sword and immediately pounced on her. 
“don’t get in my way!” you screamed while running towards her and slashing her neck. 
not even sparing her decapitated body a glance, you continued running forward. himejima was calling for your name multiple times while still following your trails, yet it never reaches your ears.
i’m going to kill him!
i’m going to kill him!
that demon who took my father’s life!
these thoughts filled your mind while running past trees.
you’ve met with three more demons, but it only added to your exasperation seeing that they’re not the demon you wanted to see.
it’s actually not just three. himejima fought demons that were coming from different directions. you were so focused in front of you that you weren’t paying attention to your surroundings except for what's ahead of you.
during your interaction with the last demon, there were a lot of demons. himejima got so tangled up in defeating every last one of them, that he just saw you back still running straight in that direction.
he had no choice but to leave your side for a while, even if it put his heart in a nervous state. 
he wanted to protect you, not because he thinks you're weak and does not have the ability to protect yourself, but because right now, you’re in a complete mess. he’s afraid you might not make a sound decision because of your emotion and then find you lifeless there.
with the amount of his co-slayers dying left and right, the thought of you dying is what he hates the most.
he doesn’t understand it too, but maybe the excitement and him looking forward to every monthly report meeting and, especially, the giddy feeling he felt when you arrived tonight and he realized that you two will work together is connected to it.
yet, here you are, you ran and ran, until you reached a spot where a huge boulder was in the middle of the trees.
there, a demon was sitting on top of the rock. sitting cozily there while around him was a pile of human flesh, probably from other demons that offered him their hunt in order to not be killed.
red haori…
vertical lines from his eyes downwards…
and…
lower rank 2…
ahh… 
suddenly, it’s all coming back to me.
“(y/n), run! i’ll distract him!” “what are you doing? i told you to run!” “this is not the time to be stubborn, (y/n)! run!” “huh? your legs?” “please, just bear with it for a while and run!” “okay, thank you for listening one last time…”
the demon notices your presence. he looked down and saw a demon slayer catching up to her breath and looking rather nastily towards him.
“now, now…” he muttered, changing his position and leaning forward. “it’s been a while since i’ve seen an alive human here that’s not an offering.” 
i’m going to kill this disgusting trash. you thought as you went and jumped close to him without even thinking.
naturally, he managed to read your move and kicked you on your stomach. your body came flying back, earning you a few scratches and small open wounds.
you struggled to stand up as you held your sword firmly and looked at him. 
he stood up too and effortlessly jumped down the boulder. he took his time walking close to where you were.
you stayed on your feet, glaring and pointing your blade at him.
“you did well managing to come here without serious injury—” he suddenly halted his movements and took a good look at your face. “well, well. i might be wrong, but we’ve met before, right?”
you narrowed your eyes.
he then laughed maniacally.
“a few years ago, a parent and his child were peacefully living in a small house.” he started to narrate. 
“when one night, a demon arrived and ruined their lives!” his hands were moving in the air in a dramatic way, along with his facial expression.
“but! he was a devoted father! he doesn’t want to lose another one of his family, just like what happened with his wife…” he continued, yet this caught your attention.
how…?
“that’s why he had to distract the demon while his injured daughter ran away.” he glanced at you and smirked.
“he was left alone with the demon without knowing he was the demon’s real target! your father’s a marechi after all!” he revealed. 
you widened your eyes, promptly you went and attacked him with one of your breathing forms.
but, he was able to deflect it.
of course, he’s not like those demons you killed on your way here. this guy is at the top of the chain here. what’s more is that he’s second rank in the lower moon.
“how did you know about my mother going missing?” you asked him.
he tilted his head in confusion and sighed.
“gosh… you’re not that good up here, are you?” he said, pointing to his temple. looking at you with a pitiful expression.
“what?!” you refuted, burrowing your brows together. 
“how did i learn about it? who else would know but the victim themselves, witnesses and… the culprit.” he grinned widely.
“i mistook your mother as the one who had a marechi blood, but when i came back the next evening. it turned out that you moved somewhere else to look for your missing mother that was already in my stomach! hahaha! thankfully, i was able to find your father again. i didn’t care about you, so that was the only reason you’re still alive right now.”
your sight almost turned blurry.
she wasn’t missing nor did she run away because she got tired of living a poor life. it was this thing in front of you who took her away from you and your father.
my mother…
my father…
this demon took my family from me…
i’m going to kill him.
i’m going to kill him!
your body moved on its own. you closed your distance and tried to cut his neck, but to no avail. you failed to cut him down, because he hardened his neck.
your blade and his hard body exchanged blows. yet, it seems like you’re the only one taking the damage.
your attacks, though surely were supposed to be strong, were affected by your rapid and reckless spontaneous decision. it was erratic and weaker in force.
but, that didn’t mean he would hold back with his attack against you.
in such a short time, not even five minutes passed, you were covered with bruises and injuries. not that you had even the smallest amount of attention to look at it.
as you were blown away by his punch, you immediately got on your feet and tried to unleash another technique. 
he must admit that even though it’s evident that you’re not thinking straight, your attacks are still affecting him. 
until, he chanted the words ‘blood demon art’.
ah… that’s right, he still hasn’t used it. even though i’m beat up already. but, i can’t stop my body.
i don’t want to stop.
the only thing on my mind is wanting to see his head separated from his body.
i want to avenge my parents.
i don’t care if i wound up dead, as long as i manage to do it.
“blood demon art: countless projectiles.” he said and numerous long, black lines like the ones on his came appeared.
they moved towards you at an unbelievable speed.
nevertheless, your body was on auto-pilot. you still moved forward and still wanted to cut his head.
i don’t care anymore.
“(y/n)!” 
suddenly, himejima appeared in front of you deflecting all the attacks coming at you. somehow, it irked you.
“heh… someone capable arrived.” kokumo muttered, smirking.
“please move aside, himejima-san. i’ll kill that demon myself. don’t get in my way.” you claimed and stepped forward.
himejima tried to analyze your condition.
you were breathing heavily and it seems like every inhale is hard to do. he could hear the faint gushing sound of your blood coming out of every wound you have.
“i’m sorry, there were a lot more demons here than i thought and they stalled me.” he explained, but you didn’t respond.
“(y/n), i’ll take it from here—” 
“i said i’ll kill that demon myself!” you turned your head to him, glaring at his face. “i don’t care if i die as long as he dies too!”
before he could even reply to you, you took off and charged at kokumo one more time.
kokumo released another attack, with nothing but death on the demon in front of you in your mind, you failed to recognize his plan.
you were surrounded by almost infinite numbers of projectiles. there’s no way you could dodge all of them.
“die!” kokumo exclaimed proudly.
i’m done.
you closed your eyes to brace yourself on getting punctured by the projectiles, but it never came. 
you decided to open your eyes and found kokumo turning around as he just realized where you were. you looked up and saw himejima and his side profile as he carried you in a bridal style. he set you down and leaned your back on the boulder’s surface.
he managed to cancel his attacks in such a short time. you thought as he wiped some of the blood on your face. you wondered how he knew there was blood on your face, but you can’t question him about something like that right now.
“why are you throwing your life away so easily like that?” he said under his breath, you almost didn’t hear him. he looked rather sad rather than upset.
“it’s my life. i’ll decide when i’m throwing my life away or not.” you replied and looked at kokumo who’s getting more irritated that he’s having a hard time already with you and now someone who’s a lot stronger came. “and right now, i’m willing to throw it away as long as i kill that bastard.” you added. 
you were about to stand up once again when you saw kokumo pounce on where you two were, but himejima stopped you. 
“stone breathing second form: upper smash.” he attacked. 
he managed to hit kokumo when he threw his spiked flail upwards and pulled the chain rapidly to create a force once it hit its target. he also threw his axe and was able to cut deep through his left chest across his right chest. this caused kokumo to jump backwards as he heals himself from wounds that the spikes gave him.
“don’t get in my way, himejima-san! i’ll be the one killing him!” you shouted as you shakily stood up. using your hand by holding on to the boulder to balance your body, while your other hand is still firmly held on your sword.
himejima didn’t say anything, he didn’t look back at you. the sound of his chains getting dragged back to him was the prominent sound that you heard at that moment.
“do you not treasure your life?” he asked.
why does he keep getting in my way and asking me that? i already told him earlier that he doesn’t know anything about what i experienced and leave me alone!
fine!
“my family has been killed by that guy. my best friend was also killed by the former lower rank 2. i’ve been left alone because of these demons and you’re asking me if i treasure my life?!” you snapped at him, not noticing how your tears gathered around your eyes.
“everyone that i cherished has been killed and taken away from me already! i don’t care anymore! i don’t want—” your tears have started falling.
your emotions pouring out like an overfilled cup, but his next question left you speechless.
“aren’t your tsugukos waiting for the dangos?” he uttered, shifting his body to you.
“huh?”
it seems like your world has stopped spinning. you stood there silently with wide eyes.
my tsugukos…
akiro… kenji…
“master, this dango’s really delicious!” “you should try some, master!” “hey! kenji! that’s mine!” “eh? master wanted to eat some too!” “why would you get it from me then?” “i already ate all of mine. i can give this to master, right, ‘akiro-niisan’?” “tsk. go ahead. just know it’s not because you called me ‘nii-san’.” “yeah, yeah.”
“master, please be careful on your mission today!” “get back to us in one piece. i’ll take care of kenji here, so don’t worry.” “and, please bring some dango again, hehe!”
your knees suddenly gave up, you sat on the ground, staring at the bracelet that they both made for you. they jokingly said that it will protect you because they made it, but still you wore it. because of the same reason. 
they made it. for you.
kokumo finished healing himself and tried to use his projectiles again, but himejima, before kokumo finished his attack, flung his chain and chopped one of kokumo’s legs. he fell down and hid himself using a fort that he built with his blood demon art right there and then. at least, himejima knew that he wouldn't run away.
“you said…” himejima started. you raised your head and looked at him with blurry eyes caused by tears. “...that you’ll protect them until they achieve their goals and dreams.” 
you shook your head in denial, wanting to refute what he was about to say but no words came out of your lips. 
the picture of akiro and kenji seeing your crow arrive and thinking you’re back. but, then breaking down in tears once they’ve heard your passing kept replaying in your mind.
“are you going to throw away your life knowing your students are waiting patiently for your return and they welcome you back like always?” he asked, grabbing the chance that kokumo is hiding himself and walked to you.
he kneeled down on his one foot in front of you.
“no! no!” you finally spoke, bawling. you grabbed ahold of his green haori and looked up at him. 
“i don’t want them to suffer! i don’t want them to feel hurt again! i don’t want them to be abandoned yet again! they’re finally happy and smiling! i don’t want to see them crying again! they’re my only salvation left here in this world! i don’t want them to be left again.” you sobbed as you snuggled your face on his chest.
his large hands landed on your hair and back, pushing you closer to him providing you comfort and ease.
but, the picture of them crying wasn't leaving your mind.
i’m sorry… i’m sorry… i’m not going to throw my life carelessly anymore… 
i’ll be home later with the dangos that you two wanted, so wait for me.
you pulled away from him and wiped your face. you were still sniffing, but you were sure it wouldn’t be in the way of your breathing technique.
“i’m fine now.” you told him and he just nodded.
he stood up and stepped backwards. you looked at him when you saw him do that. you glanced at him with a confused look.
“i won’t get in your way anymore.” he said with a small smile.
“why?” you questioned, not understanding why now.
“i’m not hearing that your mind is in disarray anymore. you can do it.” he encouraged and clasped his hand together again.
you smiled.
i see. so that’s why…
you looked at kokumo, he just removed the fort he made. with an enraged face, he chanted his art technique yet again.
but, you didn’t care. not even when you’re injured and full of wounds. you closed your distance with him. when you calculated the right distance, you stopped walking.
originally, my ice breathing had only four forms. it’s a breathing that only i used, so it’s hard to make forms. 
but, i have this attack in my mind. i never executed it, even in practice, but i’m getting a feeling that i can do it.
“ice breathing fifth form: complete stillness”
it was a technique that makes the surroundings around you, with a certain distance, frozen. this makes them immobilized for three seconds.
but those three seconds are just what you need.
i’m sorry, my dear best friend, mom, and dad. 
i always thought that once i kill this guy, i’ll join you there. but, it seems like i won’t be able to now.
you see, i have two children looking forward to my return.
i’m sorry and thank you for being my will to live. i’ve found another reason to continue living too.
kokumo’s head rolled on the ground and his body soon fell over, but just as you. the exhaustion finally caught up to you. 
the difference between your body and kokumo’s is that his body fell flat on the dirty soil, while yours was immediately caught by himejima, carrying your body in a bridal style yet again.
you tried to open your eyes, you barely managed to. when you saw himejima’s face, you smiled brightly.
“himejima-san…” you called with half-lidded orbs.
“hm?” he hummed, gazing down at you. after he checked that kokumo’s body had started turning into ashes, he started walking out of the forest.
“i killed him… without dying…” you said proudly.
“you’re right. i’m relieved we’re going out of this forest both alive. you did so well. i’m proud of you.” he complimented without skipping a beat.
something did skip a beat and it’s your heart. hearing his genuine compliment and relief, puts a blush on your cheeks even though your body is so tired.
what’s more is that you’re worried that his acute hearing caught that.
ugh, so embarrassing. i’ll just pretend to be asleep.
you rested your head on his shoulder and tried to make it seem like you’ve fallen asleep.
cute. himejima chuckled silently.
“master?” akiro uttered confusedly.
it was already dawn and they were both up. kenji heard what he said and excitedly went to the door to welcome you. 
“eh?” he said, just as confused as the other boy.
himejima-san??? 
you still had your arms wrapped tightly around his neck, but this time out of embarrassment.
i didn’t think he would walk me back to my house while carrying me!
please put me down!
but, i can’t say it!
people are staring!
you peeked and tried to look if you were close to your house already. your crow did the work of guiding him to where your residence is, because you realized he’s going to carry you, so you hid your face.
you saw akiro and kenji on the front door with confused looks on their faces.
“h-himejima-san, we’re close to my house already, so you can put me down already. i’ll walk on my own now—” 
“no. you hurt your feet in the fight, you’re not supposed to be walking.” he cut you off and continued walking. 
he heard a conversation about their ‘master’, so he knew what direction he would be going.
he stopped right in front of them, looming over the two children with his enormous height. they were obviously frightened.
“p-please give us back our master.” akiro asked.
“what did you do to our master?!” kenji interrogated, while akira shielded him securely behind him.
akiro examined the man carrying you and noticed that he was wearing the same uniform as yours and his golden buttons.
you tapped on himejima’s back, signaling him to let you down. finally putting you down carefully, supporting your back as you get on your feet.
you looked over to akiro and kenji and smiled.
they were still confused, but slowly made their way to you. 
you kneeled down. for their ages, they’re quite tall, making you gaze up at them. you opened your arms and pulled them into an embrace.
“i’m home…” you whispered, hugging them even tighter.
the two children were surprised, you’ve come home from missions, easy and perilous missions, but you never came home in this manner.
akiro was about to ask what happened when he heard you sniffle. he worriedly peeked at the younger one and was about to ask if he knew what’s happening, only to see him bawling already.
“wahhh! why are you crying, master?” he cried, snuggling his face on your clothes.
“mhm-mm.” you shook your head. you withdrew from the hug, but kenji didn’t want to let go, that’s why he continued hugging you. 
“nothing. i’m just happy i was able to come back home.” you answered him, caressing his head.
you looked at akiro and put your hand over his cheeks lightly.
“akiro, where’s my ‘welcome back’?” you asked, chuckling softly.
he doesn’t understand it. 
the reason why you came home crying, why you’re doing this, and why you’re being like this.
he doesn’t understand why it makes him feel relieved that you look like you’ve finally lifted off of the heavy weight on your back that you never talked about.
he doesn’t understand why you’re looking at them like your world is them.
he doesn’t understand why he feels so overwhelmed seeing you like this when he doesn’t even understand anything.
yet, he can’t stop his tears as you wait for him and stare at him tenderly.
“w… welcome back, master.” he welcomed finally as he nestled himself next to his brother.
you looked behind and met himejima, crying as usual, as he listened to the three of you.
“himejima-san. thank you for making me realize i have something to protect.” you thanked him, smiling and hoping he could hear your genuine grateful feelings.
he smiled, though tears continued flowing.
“no…” he replied smiling and suddenly remembered something.
“more importantly,” he lifted his hands and you laughed. 
akiro and kenji looked up while wiping their tears and they suddenly lit up. 
“shall we eat this now?” he raised the bag on his hands and inside are dangos that are waiting to be consumed.
“dango!” the two boys said in unison.
kenji ran to him and himejima gave him the bag. the boy happily cheered, completely forgetting how scared he was by the person in front of him earlier. himejima just ruffled his hair and kenji pulled him by his fingers to come inside the estate.
akiro helped you get up, you limped while walking and accidentally let out a hiss in pain. until, himejima once again carried you.
“himejima-san! i’m fine! oh gosh…” you said to him.
he raised his brow in confusion.
“you’re obviously not.” he muttered matter-of-factly.
“akiro—” you were about to say to akiro that you can just ask akiro to support you while walking, but the kid was not there anymore.
you looked at the front and he was there with kenji, who was delighted by the dango, and akira was giving you a teasing look.
that kid!
ugh… it’s so embarrassing!
it’s even more embarrassing knowing he can surely hear how fast my heart is thumping right now!
“me too…” he suddenly spoke.
you glanced up at him.
“thank you.” he thanked you.
“huh? why? i didn’t do anything though…” you were muddled by what he’s saying.
the corner of his lips moving upwards, it’s not visible but from your position, it’s easy to point out.
“i also realized that i have someone to protect outside of my responsibility as a demon slayer.” he said.
“huh?” i did that? “when did i—”
“for the next hashira meeting next week, i’m hoping for your presence there in a full condition.” he said while he set you down on the tatami floor.
akiro and kenji went to get silverwares to eat the dangos, leaving both of you alone in the living room.
“i’ll try my best to recover fast.” you promised, looking at all your wounds and injuries that were already aided by the kakushis, that you didn’t hear what he whispered.
“...say it to you.” were the only words you caught.
“what was that?” you asked him, but akiro and kenji came back from the kitchen.
“let’s eat this now before it gets chewy.” he redirected your attention.
he sat in front of you while akira occupied the left side of the table and kenji did for the right side.
the boys started eating and exclaimed how delicious it was. you decided to eat some too, picking up one stick and gently taking a bite.
himejima silently listened to all of you enjoying the taste of the sweet. he smiled as he focused on your voice.
“please eat up, himejima-san.” you offered him, reaching for another stick and gave it to him. “it’s really delicious.”
“i see. i’ll try some too, then.” he said and took a bite. “it really is delicious.”
“see!” you chuckled.
it made him smile and thought to himself.
‘during those seven days before the meeting, i’ll be sure that what i’m feeling is much more than wanting to reason for your hatred for demons. so, please be there when i finally get the courage to say it to you.’, that's what i said earlier, but now i’m certain.
it wasn’t a kind of worry you will have for your colleague.
i wasn’t familiar with this feeling, so i thought it was just normal.
i’ll just pray she’ll accept my feelings.
‘(y/n), i know you don’t need protection. you’re strong after all. i’ll still promise that i'll always protect you and those who are precious to you.’
i want to say that to you.
but, not now.
you’ve just realized that witnessing these two precious boys' growth are worth living for and you should only be focusing on that for now.
“i look forward to that day.” he muttered to himself and took another bite.
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hope you enjoyed that one, because i did. reblogs would be much appreciated!
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taexual · 4 months
Text
sleepwalking ● 24 | jjk
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pairing: jungkook x fem!reader
summary: due to unfortunate circumstances, you ended up managing your ex-boyfriend’s band. you thought you’ve both made peace with it, but suddenly he’s very eager to prove to you that first love never dies.
genre: rockstar!jungkook / exes to lovers
warnings: mentions of drugs (not graphic), depictions of smoking, explicit language, SUGGESTIVE THEMES (jungkook is a teasing little shit, there's also a Shower Scene at the end), angst, fluff, SLOW BURN
words: 23k
read from the beginning ○ masterlist
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chapter 24 ► soon, you'll be nothing but a memory and i won't keep you company when everything falls apart for you
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When you woke up next to Jungkook on your final morning in London, the sun was already high, casting patterns shaped dangerously like his sleeping features on the walls of his hotel room.
You thought you had just closed your eyes two minutes ago, but you felt very well-rested, albeit not fully convinced that you were conscious yet. Jungkook was asleep next to you, your hands still locked together and your bodies so intertwined that it would take at least a few minutes for you to disengage from each other.
Naturally, you thought this was another one of those powerful dreams that would stay with you for the next few days after you woke up because of how much you wished it was real. But then you checked your phone, noticing several missed calls, and your mind finally sobered.
Jungkook stirred when he felt you reach for your phone, and he realised right away that your morning together had ended before it even began.
“I was hoping we’d sleep in,” he mumbled, startling you as you tried to quietly climb out of bed.
Your determination to start working melted at the sound of his groggy, somewhat uncertain voice, and you turned back. His eyes flickered open and met yours briefly before succumbing to heaviness again.
“It seems like we have, actually,” you said, lingering on the edge of the bed, and forgetting, almost, that the vibrating sound in the background of your focus came from your phone.
“It doesn’t count if we wake up and get out of bed right aw—” He paused to yawn, then rolled onto his back, looking at you through half-closed lids. “Sleeping in means we stay in bed, and—well, there are things we could do.”
He struggled to keep his eyes open—clearly, the only thing you’d do if you stayed in the room was actually sleep—but you couldn’t help but smile at his effort.
Just as you were about to respond, Jungkook pushed back the covers and your eyes drifted down to the angry red nail marks on his chest. He met your gaze and followed it downwards, raising his eyebrows before breaking into a grin.
“Hmm,” he mused. You already knew what his next words would be but couldn’t stop him in time. “These are exactly the things I was talking ab—”
“I know,” you finally cut in. “I figured.”
He returned his gaze to yours, cocking a tired eyebrow. “Yet you’re rushing out of bed?”
You lifted your phone and the display lit up with multiple notifications. He noticed, with his breath hitching enthusiastically in his throat, that your eyes were filled with regret. You didn’t want to go.
“Duty calls,” you said.
He looked away and muttered disdainfully, “I’m your duty.”
“Exactly,” you replied, smiling at the childish entitlement in his voice. “Your band is the reason I’m getting out of bed.”
You took your foot off the mattress and stood up properly, pausing as Jungkook groaned—deliberately, of course, to make you think he would say something else and have you stay in the room longer while you waited for him to speak.
To be perfectly honest, though, you didn’t linger in the room because you thought he still had something to say. You lingered because you wanted to stay here until you absolutely couldn’t anymore.
“Okay,” he finally said, looking up at you again. “I promise that our relationship won’t interfere with your career. But I really do wish you’d stayed with me for the rest of the morning.”
It took you considerable effort—and you would attribute this to professionalism when you inevitably started doubting yourself later—to resist the temptation to climb back into bed.
“I wish I could stay, too,” you said—firmly, so he wouldn’t try to persuade you, because you knew that he’d eventually succeed. “But I’ll see you after the show.”
“Before that,” he said.
You nodded. “If we have time.”
“No,” he disagreed immediately. “We’ll make time.”
Your smile grew with affection and warmth.
“Alright,” you said. “I’ll see you a little later then, yeah? Will you be alright for a few hours?”
He exhaled very theatrically. “I suppose I’ll live.”
“Good,” you leaned over the bed to press a soft kiss to his cheek, “I love you.”
He reached out to interlace your hands for just a second before you pulled away again, bringing your knuckles to his lips. “I love you.”
Reluctantly parting from his warmth, you finally left the room, and Jungkook whined quietly to himself before starting his day as well. He knew his uncontrollable yearning would drive him to the brink of insanity even before the band’s rehearsal later today, so he was desperate for company until then.
He took a quick shower, then crossed the corridor to Minjun’s room where Minjun was binge-watching Evangelion, and dragged him outside for a coffee and a cigarette.
It was a beautiful morning: a little cold, but unusually sunny after yesterday’s storm. The rain had quickly become his favourite scent, and Jungkook took a deep breath as it lingered in the air. It was laced with faint traces of wet grass, and there was something else, too. Something woody, yet light, with heavy undertones of you.
He and Minjun settled in the shade outside of the hotel. Jungkook lit his cigarette, then passed his lighter to his friend and looked around.
The garden behind him was impressive. He hadn’t noticed the peonies before, but as soon as he did, he remembered bringing bright pink and gently lilac bouquets for you before your dates. You didn’t have a favourite flower, but he’d discovered that peonies lasted the longest in your dorm room, so he continued to get them for you.
He realised with a sigh that having Minjun here wasn’t much of a distraction, not even when he brought up Sid. Everywhere he looked this morning, he still thought of you.
“Oh, shit!” Jungkook cried suddenly, pushing his cigarette to the corner of his mouth as he spoke. His exclaim distracted the two of them from an anxious discussion about all that had to happen today. “Look.”
Minjun looked at him first, then followed his gaze to the street, where a Volkswagen Beetle was driving by at an extraordinarily slow pace. He wasn’t sure if Jungkook was amused by the car model or its speed.
“Hmm?” he asked. “At the car?”
“Yeah,” Jungkook said, bouncing on the balls of his feet in excitement. “It’s the exact colour of her eyes.”
“Her eye—Jesus Christ,” Minjun groaned, nearly choking on the smoke of his cigarette. “Do you see what I’m doing right now?”
Jungkook did not tear his eyes away from the car as it inched closer to the intersection at the end of the street. “No offence, man, but I really couldn’t care le—”
“I am cringing,” Minjun informed him anyway. “You made me cringe.”
Jungkook continued to watch the Beetle with an alien fascination that Minjun could not understand. He thought that Jungkook looked as if he was reliving some sort of a dream, with this wistful, melancholy smile on his face—or he was stuck in an unfathomable, endless déjà vu.
“I’m serious, though,” Jungkook said after a moment, a deep exhilaration in his voice. “The exact colour.”
Minjun shook his head, half disbelieving, half resigned. He was not a doctor, and he would never claim to have any medical knowledge, but even his amateur eye could recognise lovesickness when he saw it.
“You are so fu—” he started to say, but did not get to the end of this diagnosis that, in his humble opinion, would have perfectly described the state that his friend was in right now.
Jungkook blew out the smoke with a heavy—and violent, too—groan, and it cut Minjun off. “I love her so much.”
“We know!” Minjun said, exasperated. His teeth dug into the filter of his cigarette. “We can tell. All of us. Now if you try to tell me that that cloud over there, above the hotel, kind of looks like her, I swear to God.”
“Please.” Jungkook scoffed but still glanced at the sky. “Clouds don’t look like—oh, you know what, maybe that one over there kind of does. When she wears her hair up, and—”
“I am going to slap you,” Minjun interjected, “if you don’t get yourself together right this second.”
The Beetle had finally turned on the left turn signal as it reached the end of the road next to the two of them. Jungkook lowered his eyes and smiled at the vehicle again.
“I’ve never felt more together,” he said, smoke passing through his lips.
“And I’ve never felt more like a third wheel,” Minjun retorted. “And it’s only you and me here.”
Jungkook grinned dreamily, following the car with his gaze.
“You’re not even listening to me, are you?” Minjun asked.
“Not really.”
He sighed and turned away. “Hmm. Of course not.”
The Beetle finally disappeared down the street and out of their sight. And now, with no new reminders of you in his immediate vicinity, Jungkook realised that he missed you too much to merely stand here, and that the company he had did not matter as long as it wasn’t you. He finished his cigarette in two quick drags and pulled out his phone.
Minjun knew exactly who he was texting without having to ask. And he certainly did not have to ask who had texted him back when his phone lit up not even ten seconds later.
You and Jungkook were both terrible—almost unbearable at this point, really—and Minjun was very glad that you had found your way back to each other. He didn’t think the world could have handled more of the two of you alone.
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When you arrived at the venue a few hours later to see Jimin before the band’s soundcheck, you ran into the members of the band outside. They’d gone out after their rehearsal and ended up right in the middle of a commotion outside the building.
The sight surprised you: crowds of people had gathered around the venue, chatting, waving and jumping as soon as they spotted the band. Although this was Rated Riot’s second show in London, it seemed as though twice as many people were queuing outside today.
You kept your distance but stayed to watch the beaming members stop occasionally for an autograph, a selfie, or a quick conversation as they made their way past their fans. You remained vigilant in case anyone in the crowd decided to cause trouble, although it didn’t seem likely. Everyone was just excited.
Just then, right before you got lost in the thrilled faces around you, you heard Jungkook gasp somewhere in the crowd.
Alarmed, you turned around to find him and caught Hoseok’s shocked expression over the back of Jungkook’s head. Someone had unexpectedly wrapped their arms around the vocalist in a very intense hug, taking him off guard. But Jungkook’s surprise quickly turned into appreciative laughter as he patted the person on the back and stepped away, nodding at something they were saying.
Their interaction seemed harmless, but a crowd began to gather around Jungkook and Hoseok, and you were worried about the people pushing each other. You reached for your phone in your jacket to call Mick and alert the security just to be safe, but paused when you overheard the conversation the boys were having with their fans.
“And good riddance!” someone was saying. “We saw that you guys banned Sid from your shows. We’re so glad you’re finally free.”
Excited shrieks of agreement rippled through the crowd. Jungkook turned his head to look at you, leaving Hoseok to handle the fans’ praise on his own while Yoongi and Taehyung signed autographs nearby. When you met Jungkook’s eye, the surprise on his face mirrored yours.
Maggie’s post had made the precise impact you’d hoped for; everyone had seen the blacklist.
We’re so glad you’re finally free.
It occurred to you that neither you, nor Jungkook, nor any of your friends had ever been truly alone with your hatred for Sid, because Sid hadn’t just messed with your lives. He’d messed with absolutely everyone around you. You assumed as much—he was insufferable—but hearing others reaffirm just how much they despised Sid still felt comforting. It felt energising, too.
You’d be finished with him today, finally.
Feeling reinvigorated, you informed Mick to keep an eye on the crowds and headed inside. Jimin had needed your help, but by the time you arrived, he’d already resolved the problem himself. He shuffled you out of the door instead, to fetch him some coffee for “being late to rescue me from the agony of toggling the amps on and off.”
Laughing, you walked back out, making a note to grab a few chocolate-chip cupcakes, too—for Seokjin, because he had looked dangerously pale and wide-eyed when you ran into him at the door as Jimin yelled out his coffee order at you.
You didn’t expect to see Jungkook until the end of his show later that night, and you felt another wondrous thrill in your stomach at the thought: this would all be over by then. You could finally stop dreading what awaited you next. Really, even your upcoming meeting with the lawyers from the label seemed like a walk in the park on a late spring afternoon compared to Sid. You almost couldn’t wait for it.
But then as soon as the band finished their soundcheck, Jungkook surprised you by sneaking into the dressing room where you were working on emails, your forgotten coffee already cold. He stood there, in the very middle of the room, grinning at you until you finally raised your head.
“Oh—shit,” you removed your earpods, “w-why are you here?”
He shrugged his shoulders. A few strands of his hair were stuck to his forehead; he looked as though he’d already performed the first half of the show instead of merely preparing for it.
“Wanted to check in,” he said. “You ready?”
He was asking about Sid, and you placed your laptop on the side table by the couch, making room for him next to you.
“Yeah,” you said. “Still got a few hours to go. Jude hasn’t called us yet, but we’re—we’ll be fine.”
Jungkook sat down next to you. He couldn’t remember the details well, but he assumed that Minjun and Jude had already left for their part of the plan. Now he was nervous to hear that their plan hadn’t even begun yet; what if Jude had a change of heart?
“Yeah?” he asked, despising how many tinges of uncertainty he heard in his own voice. “You sure?”
“Of course,” you said, glancing at the door before turning back to him. “Uh, listen, are you sure you can be here? You have an interview in ten minutes.”
He reclined on the couch and shrugged again.
“Well, I still have ten minutes,” he said. “The guys are busy with their instruments, but I’m good.”
You nodded, and the conversation came to an awkward halt. You wanted to steer the discussion away from Sid, but he was the elephant in the room and he had grown large enough to smother you.
“I’m, uh—I’m thinking,” Jungkook said after a minute, “what if the plan doesn’t work? I know we said we’d do something else, but—I mean, what if the police don’t arrive in time, and Sid senses the trap?”
You hoped it wouldn’t come to that, because there was nothing else you could do to get rid of Sid in the immediate future. If he realised that something was wrong tonight, he’d never lower his guard like this again.
“I—well, I have a Plan B,” you said.
Jungkook was surprised. “Yeah? What’s that?”
You turned away. Really, you did not have any backup plans. You just wanted to stop Jungkook from biting into his lip ring before he ripped it off.
“Remember how we talked about you visiting me in jail?” you said, keeping a straight face. “I’ll just—”
He groaned. “You’re not going to kill Sid.”
“Why not?” you moaned and your exaggerated tone finally elicited a chuckle from him.
“Because I need you with me,” he said.
“Maybe we can make it seem like someone else did it,” you continued, encouraged by the amusement in his eyes. “Is there anyone else you hate as much as him?”
He shook his head. “No one comes even close.”
“Hmm.” You nodded thoughtfully. “Maybe if I just beat him up really bad, but don’t actually kill him, they won’t lock me up for long?”
He was grinning. “You’re not beating him up.”
“I’d be willing to do it for the band, you know.”
“Oh, for the band,” he echoed, draping an arm over the cushion behind you. “Romantic. Makes me feel real special.”
He seemed much more relaxed now than when he first came here, and your heart remembered how to beat again at the sight of his smile.
“Look,” you said, raising your hands, “I even wore extra rings today, for a more long-lasting effect.”
He snorted as you showed him the jewellery on your fingers, and placed his hand on yours, bringing it down to your knee.
“You’re not beating him up,” he reiterated.
“Come on,” you pressed on as he locked his fingers with yours. “You knocked out his tooth, so I have to do something similar. Otherwise, it’s just embarrassing. The girls will never let me live this down if I don’t land one good punch.”
Jungkook started to chuckle—the image of your sharp skull-shaped ring leaving a mark on Sid’s cheek was very satisfying—but then your words sunk in, and his expression soured.
“Wait,” he said, leaning forward and furrowing his brows, “the girls are in on this?”
You frowned in response to his frown.
“Of course, they are,” you replied. “Why are you surprised?”
“I mean,” he looked away, assessing your friends in his mind, “I’m not surprised about Maggie. But isn’t Luna usually more practical in these situations?”
“She’s practical until she’s had enough,” you said. “And she’s had enough.”
“Ah,” he said, leaning back and looking down at your intertwined hands.
He appeared to be considering something as his thumb gently traced the side of your index finger, and you got a frightening thought that you could take down a lot more assholes than just Sid—you could even tie them up and keep them in some mouldy basement—if it meant that Jungkook could sit next to you, humming peacefully under his breath as he held your hand in his.
It dawned on you just then that he wasn’t just your weakness, he was your everything. And you loved him so much that it was dangerous.
“Well,” he finally said, “if I have Taehyung and Rue with me, it might be more fun to visit the three of you in prison. We could make a little road trip out of it.”
You laughed, leaning into him as you did, and he realised that he really only had very few worries left—and none of them were about Sid.
“That’s the spirit!” you said. “I’ll see you in the courtroom.”
He released your hand, so he could wrap an arm around your shoulders and pull you into his chest.
“No, you won’t,” he said, planting a kiss on your temple. His heart stuttered through a few clumsy beats when you leaned into him again, resting your hand on his chest. “I love you.”
You raised your head to meet his gaze, and he realised he was wrong before. The Beetle outside the hotel wasn’t the exact colour of your eyes, not really. But his heart was; it soaked up the shades of your touch and painted itself after you.
“I love you,” you said. “But you have to go back to your band.”
He ignored that and leaned in to touch your lips with his. The quick kiss unexpectedly turned deeper—really, he had no say in that, his impulse control lived a life of its own lately—when he moved his head and tasted the caramel from your coffee on your tongue.
You knew you were on a tight schedule, but you found yourself giving in to him for just a moment. You brought one of your hands to the side of his face, and you felt, right away, what your touch did to him. Jungkook shifted on the couch to reach you better, his kisses growing more urgent, more eager, more impossible and even impractical—and that wasn’t fair, because, with his mouth against yours, there was nothing more meaningful than this in the world.
You pulled back, breathless, but with a smile that imprinted itself right in his mind, and Jungkook nodded, understanding the look in your eyes.
“Right,” he murmured, standing up before he lost his resolve. “I have places to be. Things to do. Would help a lot if I knew what places and what things those were, but, uh—I’ll figure it out.”
Your laughter was light and absolutely captivating. “Maybe your band can help with that?”
“Right,” he said. “My band.”
He lingered, scanning the walls and appearing lost in thought, and your chest was so full from simply being in the same room with him that you couldn’t tell him to go again. Slowly, you stood from the couch and your movement snapped him back to reality. He turned to face you and swallowed before speaking.
“Come find me as soon as the police leave with Sid’s ass,” he said.
“If our plan works, you’ll be in the middle of the encore,” you reminded him.
“You don’t have to jump on the stage,” he said. “Just give me a signal or something.”
“What kind of a signal?”
Your question wasn’t entirely serious, but Jungkook took it very seriously.
“A massive banner,” he decided, “saying ‘we’re free.’”
The image of the fans outside the venue crossed your mind again, and you felt yourself smile. You were certain they would have appreciated the banner as well.
“Hmm. Not very classy, though,” you said.
“When was I ever classy?” he countered. He looked about ready to demonstrate his lack of refinement, and you cut in before he could give any examples to support his claim.
“Alright,” you said. “I’ll just come to the side of the stage and give you a nod, yeah? Then you’ll know we did it.”
You placed a hand on his shoulder as you spoke, and, naturally, he agreed with everything you said.
“Okay,” he replied. “That’s good enough.”
“Yeah?”
“Mmhm. Just be careful,” he added, and you noted with disappointment that his casual demeanour had returned to a more serious tone. “Don’t let him get under your skin.”
You already missed the ease in his voice, and it made you regret that the two of you were in a situation where you could only speak lightly at short intervals before inevitably returning to what awaited you. You could not wait to never bring up Sid again.
“I won’t,” you said. “That spot’s reserved for you.”
His face immediately brightened, and you found yourself mirroring his expression. He stepped closer to you, the shimmering in his eyes fervent enough to send sparks to your chest.
“Hmm.” He reached out to run his fingers over the edge of your jaw. “What other spot is reserved for me?”
You scowled but did not pull away from his touch. “I’ll consider answering that when you sound less like a frat boy.”
He grinned, not the least bit discouraged. “Keeping me on my toes. I like that.”
“You have to go,” you replied, suppressing your smile so as not to encourage him. “The rest of the band is about to start their interview. Yoongi will have your head.”
“Kiss me and I’ll go,” he replied, his voice softer now that his face was so close to yours.
“Oh,” you snickered despite yourself, “we’re not doing that again.”
“We won’t have to if you kiss me.”
You shook your head and gave him a warning look—but then you closed the distance between you anyway. You’ve learnt your lesson from the last time at the park, and there was no point in arguing anyway; it was just you and him here, and you were rapidly running out of time.
Your lips were overwhelmingly soft and he relaxed into your touch in a way that he only could if you were as close to him as you were now. But you pulled back all too soon.
“Go now,” you whispered—not meaning it at all. You tried again, but your words had even less conviction this time, “go.”
He heard you but refused to pull away, his lips finding yours for just one more kiss.
“I’m going,” he murmured, turning every syllable into a slow, gentle caress. “Good luck.”
“You, too,” you replied, slowly pulling back and stopping his heart for a split-second when you reached over to move a strand of his hair from his face. “We’ll be okay.”
Jungkook nodded and stepped back reluctantly. As he made his way towards the door, some unseen force suddenly tugged at his arm, and he stopped. Pivoting on his heel, he returned to you to press another quick kiss to your amused lips—the last last one—before finally tearing himself away from you.
Closing the door of the dressing room behind himself, he abruptly remembered an ancient legend that his grandmother had told him—about Orpheus and Eurydice. And he knew, without any doubt whatsoever, that if he had to walk away from you without looking back so that the two of you could live, you would both perish.
He would always turn back to look at you one last time.
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Rated Riot proceeded with their scheduled interviews in the waiting area backstage, leaving you to find another quiet corner, away from the intriguing “most likely to…” discussion that the boys were having right now (just as you walked past them, Taehyung and Jungkook broke into a sudden arm-wrestling competition for reasons that eluded you and the journalist, both).
With about an hour remaining until the doors opened, you managed to email back about half of the people in your inbox. That was how Minjun found you: rocking gently back and forth on the couch at the end of the dimly lit corridor, your laptop balanced on your knees.
“Jude’s here,” he announced, and you felt a dizzying sense of déjà vu before you looked up.
He’s said these exact words to you before. But he seemed far more composed this time, and it soothed your anxiety as you closed your laptop and set it aside.
“Yeah?” you asked, not quite ready to get up just yet.
“Mhmm,” Minjun confirmed. “He said that Sid’s passed out right now, he was out the whole night. Jude’s done everything we asked, and he brought Sid’s phone here with him for us to double-check. I’ve already looked through it, everything’s gone. He, um—he still wants to see you, though.”
“Oh.” You did not like that Sid’s phone was here, and your discomfort finally pushed you to stand up. “That was—that’s good. But what if Sid wakes up while Jude’s here?”
“I know,” Minjun agreed, glancing at his phone to check the time as if he had a timer set for how long Sid would stay asleep. “We have to be quick.”
With a silent nod, you followed Minjun as he led you to an empty dressing room, much larger than the broom closet where he had put Jude last time.
Jude greeted you with an awkward “hi” as soon as he saw you. His voice sounded even smaller in the big room. He looked small, too, but brighter now, more vibrant.
It was his eyes, you realised. He seemed excited.
“Hey,” you replied and noticed quickly that your voice was small, too. “H-how are you feeling?”
Jude’s expression suddenly shifted to one of deep thought. You took note of his trembling hands when he lifted Sid’s phone.
“Nervous,” he admitted. “I brought this for you to see for yourself.”
He extended the phone towards you. You trusted Minjun when he said he’d checked it, but Jude seemed to be seeking your approval as well. You took the device from him, and he informed you that the passcode was “six sixes,” which you found very fitting for the devil incarnate.
You unlocked it, then tapped on the gallery and scrolled through the standard, abstract art images pre-installed on every phone. The generic bright colours were all you found here.
Feeling your heart rate increase already, you opened his Cloud storage. It greeted you with a message that, at this point, could have easily become the title of Rated Riot’s next album: “iCloud Drive is Empty.”
“Okay, that—uh, w-we’re nervous, too, by the way,” you said, your thoughts jumbled as you handed the phone back to Jude. Minjun’s smile widened when your eyes flickered to his; your plan was going smoothly so far. “This is—you did a great job, Jude.”
Jude’s face nearly began to glow. You shrank back, finding his beaming expression discomfiting. It did not look unnatural per se; it just looked misplaced—like someone else’s smile got lost and took temporary shelter on his face.
“I, uh,” he fumbled in the pocket of his jacket, “I also grabbed this.”
He pulled out a set of keys, and you only needed half of a glance to know that they belonged to Jungkook’s Katana. You turned to Minjun again, but he shook his head. Jude hadn’t told him about this.
“Sid had them in his jacket,” Jude explained. “Could you give them to Jungkook?”
You hesitated for another minute before you took the keys from him. And you remembered, suddenly, the first time you’d seen Jungkook with his bike: you were already working together at that point, and he’d arrived on it for a meeting at the company.
He had treated the bike with such care as he showed it to you and the band at the end of the day, almost as if it were a part of him, and Yoongi had pointed out how typical this was. How men—not Yoongi, though, he insisted—constantly grew too attached to their bikes, how they cherished them more than significant others. So, you had jokingly asked Jungkook if the Katana was the love of his life, too. And he’d responded, without missing a single beat, that it wasn’t. That you were.
He’d said it with a smug grin, so, of course, you assumed he was just teasing—because, in your defence, he often was—and you rolled your eyes and didn’t think much of it. But now, holding the keys to his bike that he’d given up, you accepted, finally, that he’d meant it, even back then.
“You did—you didn’t have to get them,” you told Jude, surprised to find yourself breathless.
“I wanted to,” he said. “We’re getting back at Sid.”
You exchanged another glance with Minjun. The two of you had worried that Jude would change his mind once he saw Sid again, but you’d clearly underestimated his desire to finally break free.
“That’s right,” Minjun said. “We are. You’ll, uh—you’ll have to go back to the hotel. Take his phone back to him.”
“I know,” Jude replied, slipping back into his role of a follower. “And then?”
Minjun looked at you, indicating for you to continue. You bit your lip, searching for the right tone to say this. You knew you were putting Jude in a direct line of fire, and you felt a little guilty because you weren’t sure if he even realised it.
“Wait until I call Sid,” you said. You put the keys in your pocket and crossed your arms. “And, I guess, after Sid leaves, let Minjun into his suite. I assume you have the key?” Jude nodded; Sid was passed out, he had no problem grabbing his room key along with his phone. “Minjun will do the rest, but you can—you could help him. We’d appreciate that.”
Jude appeared delighted. He craved appreciation, and you could tell that he received it very rarely.
“I’ll help,” he decided.
For a minute, it seemed like your conversation had ended. But Jude swayed lightly on his feet and played with his fingers, evidently gathering strength for something more.
“By the way,” he finally said, “um, there are cameras in the hotel.”
A quick new surge of anxiety washed over you, and you turned to Minjun, who looked about as stunned as you felt.
“I thought—I thought it was an old hotel,” you said, not quite accusingly but not very gently, either. Your shock prevented you from softening your voice. “Like ours. Ours doesn’t—it doesn’t even have elevators. It barely has bathrooms.”
Minjun felt guilty. He was the one who had assured you not to worry about the cameras. He knew that Sid preferred his accommodation to lack modern inventions—it helped him evade security when he brought questionable companions and dangerous refreshments to his hotel room every other night.
“I thought that’s the sort of place Sid would choose,” Minjun explained apologetically. “He doesn’t like cameras, for understandable reasons.”
“Well, th-they have cameras in the lobby,” Jude said. “And in the corridors. I noticed them when I was coming over here. I don—I don’t know what you wanted to do in Sid’s room, but it—there are cameras at all entrances. Sorry.”
The cameras were obviously not his fault, but you could see how flustered he became to have delivered the news that brought the dark clouds to this room.
“It’s—fuck, it’s not good,” you said, grateful that Jude had gained an impressive awareness of his surroundings seemingly overnight, but still anxious, nonetheless.
Your initial idea was to get Sid arrested and hope that the police would get to his hotel suite eventually. But then Minjun convinced you that he needed to check Sid’s room in advance, and it turned into an important part of your plan.
He insisted that Sid might have hidden the drugs, and he wanted to make them more noticeable for the police to find—in case Sid would bribe the officers, and they didn’t feel like searching through the whole room. Minjun figured that if the police saw questionable white powder as soon as they opened the door, easily visible to any curious onlooker, they couldn’t easily clear Sid of this.
You weren’t sure if Minjun’s idea would be considered tampering with evidence, because the evidence was, technically, already there, but you were uncomfortable with it regardless. Minjun didn’t want to ask Jude to do this, because you didn’t yet know if you could fully trust him. But you didn’t want Minjun to do this, either, so naturally, the two of you had argued about this vehemently.
You felt like having another argument with him right this second.
“Minjun, uh,” you said, “could I speak to you outside for a moment? Jude, would you excuse us?”
“Oh, yeah, of course,” Jude replied easily. You did not want to leave him here instead of sending him back to Sid to return his phone, but you had no other choice—Minjun was already looking for a way around the hotel cameras.
He followed you out of the room, a little puzzled. You stopped at the very end of the corridor, in front of a dusty floor-to-ceiling window, and looked around to make sure you were here alone. People were talking inside nearby rooms, so you leaned closer and lowered your voice when you spoke.
“Alright,” you said, nibbling on your bottom lip, “I don’t think you should go to Sid’s hotel. I think we should let Jude handle it.”
“What?” Minjun replied, clearly frazzled. “I thought we were involving him as little as possible.”
“We were,” you said. “But if we don’t involve him right now, then we have to involve you, and—”
“But I said I’ll do it,” he retorted, his whispers wild. “I said I’ll go to his room and check. That was the pl—”
“Right,” you cut him off. “But we didn’t know there’d be cameras. It’s a small hotel. Even if no one notices you there, they might notice you in the footage.”
Minjun’s solution to this was so quick that it made you wonder if he had thought of this several days in advance.
“Sid’s room is on the third floor,” he said. “I reckon I could climb up there from the second-floor balcony.”
“And how would you reach the second-floor balcony?” you shot back equally as quickly. “You’d have to cross the lobby to enter the hotel either way.”
He thought about it for a second longer and came up with what he personally thought was another great idea. “Maybe there are rain pipes?”
You gave him a long look.
“Minjun,” you said. “You’re not Spiderman.”
He groaned and stepped back to lean against the wall. “Fuck, I’m just—”
“Come on, Minjun,” you urged, growing desperate. “It’s not worth the risk. We have to ask Jude to do this for us. He’s staying at the same hotel anyway. It makes sense for him to be there.”
He turned to look out the window. He didn’t like this. He wanted to be sure. He wanted Sid to get burnt, not merely grazed. And, he supposed, he wanted to be the one who set him on fire.
But, logically, Minjun knew that the only reason he would have to go to that hotel, would be if you still couldn’t trust Jude.
Jude had just brought you Sid’s phone to show you that he’d done all that you’d asked. He brought Jungkook’s keys, too. He told you about the cameras. He was on your side.
Minjun exhaled. It didn’t make sense for him to go there.
“Fine,” he said. “Alright. Fine. Let’s—tell Jude to spread Sid’s shit around after Sid leaves to see you.”
Your heart rate picked up, but you tried to subdue your relief. You still had a long day ahead of you.
“Yes,” you said, turning around. “Okay. Let’s—let’s go back.”
The two of you returned to the dressing room where Jude was still waiting in the same exact spot where you’d left him. He had seemingly occupied himself with watching the walls while you were gone, but the creaking of the door returned his attention to you.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
“Yes, uh—just a quick change of plans,” you said, while despondent Minjun closed the door behind you. “We’re, um... going to ask you to do something else for us.”
Jude straightened and nodded. He looked this close, you thought, to giving you a military salute.
“Anything,” he said.
You glanced at Minjun before continuing. You knew he wasn’t pleased with this change of plans, so you appreciated the reassurance in his eyes even more. He may have been unhappy, but he was on your side.
“After I call Sid, and he leaves,” you said, turning back to Jude, “do you think it’d be possible for you to enter Sid’s room without being noticed by the cameras?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Our suites are at the end of the corridor, bit of a blind spot. The camera faces the staircase.”
“Okay,” you said, taking a deep breath. “Then go to his room as soon as he leaves, and make sure that—”
“The rest of his chalk?” Jude cut in. “I should bring it out of his suitcases, right?”
Minjun turned to you, his eyebrows raised. Jude had never been quick, for as long as Minjun had known him, but his dedication to getting rid of Sid was remarkable. He seemed to have figured out the details of your plan on his own.
Minjun gestured for you to proceed. You’ve decided to trust Jude and there was no way back now.
“Yes,” you said. “It—that’s exactly what you should do. Make sure it’s in plain sight. Not necessarily all of it, just a bag or two—or whatever he keeps it in—so the officers would see it right away. We’re sure Sid will use any means necessary to make the police think we’re framing him, so they might be neglectful. You would help ensure that they do a thorough search of his suite. You’d show them that he’s guilty.”
Jude’s eyes glittered. Minjun was very impressed by your ability to choose the precise words that Jude wanted to hear.
“But don’t touch the bags directly,” he added, and Jude redirected his attention to his friend. “Wear gloves or use a plastic bag to pick them up and throw them around the room.”
You nodded, agreeing, and Jude reflexively nodded, too.
“Okay,” he said, ever as obedient. “I’ll do that.”
“And are we sure that Sid will bring some of his stuff with him here?” you asked, glancing at them both. It would be disastrous if the one time Sid decided to leave his drugs at home would be today.
Minjun was the one to answer you.
“Yeah, he carries his shit with him everywhere,” he said. “If not in his jacket, then in his jeans. He’ll have it.”
Jude raised his eyebrows with the same enthusiasm as before.
“I can check that, too,” he offered. “If he—if it’s in his jacket. If it’s easy to find.”
Minjun turned to you again. Right away, he recognised the distress on your face—not only were you relying on Jude for half of your plan, but you were also putting him at risk. You felt awful. Minjun did, too. But he hated Sid with enough passion to ignore his discomfort.
“Okay,” Minjun took over. “That sounds good. Check his jacket, too, if you get a chance.”
You turned your uneasy gaze back to Jude. You almost expected him to demand something in exchange for helping you, but he kept nodding his head, not saying anything.
He would do this for you because you asked him to. That was how Sid kept him around for so long: by giving orders that Jude felt compelled to follow.
“I’m—thank you, Jude,” you said. “You’re doing a great job. And we don’t want you to go through anything that Sid will have to go through, okay? So, be careful.”
Jude swallowed and nodded once more.
“Yeah,” he said. “I’ll take his phone to him and wait for your call. After he leaves, I will check his hiding spots and bring his stash out. I’ll be careful.”
You shivered at the decisiveness of his tone. You knew that you weren’t playing a prank on Sid, you were actively conspiring against him—but hearing Jude repeat the details of your plan back to you made this feel much more significant. Much more real.
“Yes,” you said. “And leave immediately after, okay? Check out of the hotel.”
“I’ll come meet you a few blocks away,” Minjun inserted. “You can stay in my room at our hotel.”
Jude gave another nod of agreement. The anxiety rising in your stomach was starting to make it difficult for you to breathe.
“Jude,” you said, “you’re doing—you’re a great help to us. I know we’re all a team now, but still. We really appreciate it.”
Jude smiled, and this time, his smile did not look misplaced. It matched the light in his eyes, even if it wasn’t quite sure what it was doing on his face.
“Thanks,” he said. “We’re a team. I—I’m going to go now.”
“Good luck,” you said. “We’ll see you later.”
The moment the door closed and Jude’s quiet footsteps faded down the corridor, you crossed your arms and met Minjun’s exhausted sigh with a similar one of your own.
“Well,” Minjun began, “it looks like we’ll have to rely on Jude a lot more than we originally thought.”
You sighed again. “Yeah. I mean, he seems alright.”
He did seem alright. But Minjun felt an itch under his skin, and he couldn’t make it go away no matter how much he scratched and stretched.
“I still want to go in there,” he said, “and make sure we’re really good to go.”
This alarmed you; you thought you’d already decided to let Jude handle Sid’s suite.
“But—”
“No, listen,” he cut in, “Jude said Sid’s room is in a blind spot. So, how would anyone know which room I entered, even if they did see me in the lobby? Maybe I’m visiting someone else.”
“But why draw attention to yourself?” you argued. “Why make yourself look suspicious?”
Minjun felt ants crawling all over himself; he did not like your questions.
“I just want to be sure we’re good to go,” he repeated, turning away from you.
“We are good to go, Minjun,” you pleaded softly. “Let Jude do it.”
“And what if Sid hid it all,” he still insisted, “and Jude can’t find it?”
“Then you might not find it, either,” you replied. He clicked his tongue, discontented. “I just don’t want you to risk getting caught on the CCTVs there. Jude is staying in that hotel. It’d be easier for him to get to Sid’s room, it’s far less risky. It makes more sense. Let him do it.”
Minjun kept his gaze on the floor, his jaw clenched.
You knew that he wanted to finally stand up to Sid, and it wasn’t your place to intervene. But you were the one who suggested getting Sid arrested, and now you wanted to ensure everyone’s safety and limit their reckless decisions in this plan to as few as possible. Minjun walking past the cameras in the hotel and breaking into Sid’s room seemed reckless. It seemed reckless for Jude to do it, too, but on a lesser scale—this was a risk you hoped you could afford.
“Jude might touch the drugs, too,” Minjun mumbled after a minute. “I don’t know if he’ll realise not to, even if we told him to be careful.”
“Then we can call him and warn him again,” you said. “But I’m sure he’ll be fine. He—he only looks a little dumb, but he’s ready. He wants nothing else to do with Sid.”
Minjun stayed quiet, and you did not say anything, either, allowing him some time with his thoughts. He already knew how risky it would be for him to go to that hotel. He just needed a minute to push his own ego aside and focus on getting Sid arrested, even if that meant he had to stay back and just watch it happen.
“Alright,” he said after a minute. “Yeah, fine. I’ll stay here.”
A deep, resigned sigh followed his words, and you allowed yourself to close your eyes and lean against the door of the room for just a minute.
“Okay, good,” you said. “We—we should be alright.”
You sounded as confident as you could under the circumstances, but Minjun sensed every nervous undertone in your voice.
“Yeah,” he said, twisting the silver band on his index finger. “We should be. You—the more you praised and thanked him, the more willing Jude became to do anything for us. Sid had never given him positive feedback in his life, and you’re giving it all to him in one day. So, I-I think you’re right. He’s on our side. He wants to do this, too. We will be fine.”
You nodded slowly. You hoped you were right because the rest of your plan relied on this.
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You were right.
Later that same day, you would learn that Jude had done a spectacular job at improvising. You’d never considered him to be particularly bright until today—actually, that was putting it nicely—but he was Sid’s friend, so he had destructive behavioural patterns ingrained deeply in his brain. That worked in your favour.
Apparently, Jude got worried that Sid would sleep through Rated Riot’s set, and that would derail your plan. So, he made sure that Sid wouldn’t wake up if touched, and strategically dangled Sid’s hand over the edge of the bed. Then, planning his exit, he opened the window to create a draft with the door. Finally, he forcefully dropped Sid’s phone from across the room, and ran out before Sid registered the noise.
The screen of the phone cracked, startling Sid awake. Right away, he noticed his outstretched hand and his broken phone on the floor, and his thought process was very simple: he dropped his phone in his sleep and woke himself up. The window was open, so the wind must have rattled the door of his room at the same time, adding to the noise. That’s all there was to it—never mind that the damage to the phone was far too bad, given the distance from his hand to the floor, and there was no wind outside the window.
Jude’s improvisation proved excellent in another way, too: Sid thought the cracked screen was the reason his phone wouldn’t turn back on, and why it appeared empty once he plugged it in to charge. He thought he had broken it, and he was very unhappy about that.
Jude, meanwhile, was overjoyed. He sent you a text with an innocuous smiley face, and started to pack his belongings.
You received his text and proceeded with your part of the plan.
First, you had to borrow an old flip phone from one of the middle-aged roadies on tour because it was the only device that could fit your prepaid SIM card.
And then, as soon as Ivy started her opening set and Rated Riot gathered in their dressing room for final preparations ahead of their performance, you called Sid.
He answered on the first ring with a word that you did not understand. He didn’t sound sober.
“Sid?” you asked.
“Yeah?” he responded, the sound slightly distorted on the old phone. “Who is this?”
“It’s me,” you said, intentionally avoiding names. You hoped he’d recognise you because you doubted many women voluntarily called him. “Can you talk?”
It took Sid a minute to place your voice, and the line stayed quiet while you waited.
“What—what number are you calling me from?” he asked. That was good. His first reaction was not, ‘why are you calling me?’
“It’s my number,” you said. “Just—I made it private, so—I don’t want anyone to know I’m talking to you.”
The number obviously wasn’t yours, although Sid wouldn’t be able to tell. The prepaid SIM card was meant to ensure your anonymity in case the authorities checked his call history and traced the number back.
“Why?” Sid asked. He didn’t sound accusing or annoyed, merely confused.
“I have something I want to discuss with you,” you said before adding a deliberately half-panicked, half-angry whisper, “but listen, no one can know.”
Sid was obviously befuddled. A long “ahhh” preceded his response before he found actual words.
“What are—what do you want?” he asked, and then, to your horror, he softened his voice. “I mean, to discuss with me.”
You took a deep breath. You were grateful that he hadn’t hung up and instead continued to speak to you in this unbecoming, warm tone, but you still felt nauseous and had to clutch the flip phone to your ear to stay in the moment.
“I—I’ve been thinking a lot,” you began, following the script you had written on a piece of paper that you couldn’t wait to burn later. “Jungkook and I—it—it’s not good. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m—listen, I don’t want to talk to you about this over the phone. Jungkook can—well, you know, it’s a phone. I don’t know, maybe he tapped it or something.”
There was a minute of silence. You wondered if you’d overdone it, if your hesitation had not sounded natural.
“Jungkook tapped your phone?” Sid asked, sounding incredulous.
“He might have, I—he’s acting very irrationally, and I’m—honestly, I’m realising that I was wrong about you,” you said. You had to pause to close your eyes and calm your stomach. Sid took the silence to mean that you were gathering your strength, and you really were, just not in the way he thought. “Jungkook is—he’s acting crazy. Ever since you posted that picture on Instagram, he’s been controlling everything I do. I can’t—I can’t do this. So, I’m—look, I need your help. I think you’re the only one who can help me get out of here. Can you meet me?”
You held your breath, expecting to wait while Sid considered your request—but he did no such thing.
His response was immediate. “Where?”
The second you heard the question, you knew that Minjun had been right. Sid would come here to see you—but not because you’d asked. He was going to come here purely out of spite for Jungkook.
“Are you in London?” you asked, your voice shaking.
“Yeah,” he replied.
“I’m at The Academy,” you said. “Can you come?”
“I’m not allowed,” he reminded you—exactly like you expected him to. “Jungkook blacklisted me.”
“I’ll talk to security,” you said. “They’ll let you through.”
He fell silent again, and you knew he had a lot to wrap his head around, yet you still worried that you might have been too forceful. But you shouldn’t have doubted this. You’d mentioned Jungkook, and Sid was deaf to everything else.
“Wh—can you just—why do you need me to come there?” he asked, sounding curious, even lazy, but not suspicious.
You supposed the text messages you’d sent him in advance had also helped, like you hoped they would. Now, your desperation to see him seemed more believable.
“I need your help, and I can’t leave the venue,” you explained. “I’m the—you know my job is to stay here. People will notice if I leave. They’ll know something is up. I need—I need you here.” You paused when you heard Sid’s garbled inhale on the other end. Loathing every moment of this, you swallowed, and continued, “Rated Riot are about to start their setlist, so no one will even know you’re here. Please? I—I really need you.”
He did not seem to notice the way you choked on the last words, but he was silent for a very long time, and you began to second-guess yourself again. You couldn’t help it—this was so unrealistic.
You’d hated Sid for as long as you’ve known him. Surely, even if he believed you needed his help, and even if Jungkook was involved, he would laugh in your face and tell you to fucking deal with it on your own.
“Alright,” he said instead and you felt shivers run down your spine. Jungkook was that much of a sore spot for him. “Fine. Yeah. You’ll speak to security?”
“I—yeah, I promise,” you assured him—and you didn’t lie, technically. You had already talked to Mick. “Come straight to the dressing rooms, I’ll be waiting for you there.”
“Alri—” Sid started to say, then stopped abruptly. “What do you want to talk to me about?”
“I can’t tell you over the phone,” you repeated. “I don’t want—no one can know, okay? It has to stay between you and me.”
“Alright. Shit,” he said, encouraged, as it seemed, by this ominous you-and-me. “I’m coming. Wait for me.”
“Okay,” you replied, trying to unclench your teeth. “I’ll be waiting.”
Ending the call, you exhaled and shook your hands vigorously as if that could help you recover from the conversation and stop shuddering.
You felt even more nervous now—if you struggled so much to talk to him over the phone, how would you handle him face-to-face?—but you couldn’t afford to lose your courage.
So many things had to fall into place for you to succeed—Jude needed to run into you in that club in London and Sid needed to leave him alone when he nearly overdosed—and it all felt frustratingly circumstantial. But all that was left now was up to you, and you’ve spent days planning this. You knew what you were doing.
You waited for Sid and paced in the room. Then, remembering suddenly, you pulled out Jungkook’s lighter from your jacket pocket—jangling the keys of his Katana as you did—and burnt the piece of paper with all that you’d written down before your call. The flames were delicate and shy. They disappeared into the air as soon as they finished the job, and not even the sprinklers on the ceiling picked them up.
It took Sid about fifteen more minutes to arrive, and he rounded the corner towards the waiting area while breathing heavily as though he’d run all the way here.
You pressed your palms into each other behind your back to keep your composure. He was wearing a thick North Face jacket, far too warm for this weather, and you wondered if Jude had managed to double-check what was inside.
“That was shit to get through,” Sid remarked once he saw you in the doorway of one of the empty dressing rooms. “Fucking Mick hates my guts.”
You’d warned Mick to be as rude as he possibly could when Sid got here, but you still didn’t like that Sid used his first name. Mick was the guardian angel of this tour; he was the quiet backbone of every concert. You wanted to punch Sid a little just for mentioning him so offhandedly.
“Yeah, he—he takes his job very seriously,” you said. “Thank you for coming here.”
Sid followed you into the dressing room and looked around. He hadn’t seen anyone other than Mick backstage—you made sure he wouldn’t—but he still seemed on edge.
“Are we cool to talk here?” he asked. “You’re not worried about Jungkook overhearing us?”
“No,” you said. “They’re about to go on stage. We’re good.”
It was easy to talk to him when you didn’t have to lie. And it was even easier when Sid asked all the wrong questions. If he had decided to point out that you hated him and asked why you’d changed your mind, you were sure you’d start stuttering again.
“Okay.” He stuffed his hands in his jean pockets while you stood across the room, your arms folded tightly over your chest. “Well, wha—why did you ask me to come?”
“I want to talk to you,” you replied. He could not discern the expression on your face or the tone of your voice.
“About what?” he asked.
“About us,” you said.
His eyebrows shot up and his mouth stretched downwards in an expression of comical surprise. “Us?”
“Yeah.”
His gaze flickered for a minute, drifting away, then returning to you again. He looked unsure of himself, and witnessing him in a similar state of disorientation as Jude had been when he was first here, was extremely entertaining. You almost wished you had a camera somewhere in the room.
“Okay,” Sid finally said, waiting for you to lead the conversation.
“What are you thinking right now?” you asked.
The question deepened his confusion. “Huh?”
“What did you think about just now,” you clarified, “when I said ‘us’?”
Sid frowned and did not reply. You could tell that he was very confused about your different mood, but he was already here, so you did not owe him any more false pleasantries. You just needed to keep him here a little longer: to get a proper reaction out of him in front of your scheduled witnesses, and to give Jude enough time to finish his part of the plan in Sid’s room and check out of the hotel.
“That’s fair,” you said in response to his silence. “You don’t have to answer.”
“I’m—why did you ask me to come?” he asked, glancing behind himself.
The room was hidden from the rest of the waiting area by an awkward corner wall, providing you with enough privacy to leave the door ajar, so it would make sense for Mick and Luna to find you here later, but it also wouldn’t make Sid uncomfortable. He seemed fairly content to leave the door open as he talked to you.
He was perplexed, however. You watched his beady, cockroach-like eyes dart between the window and the couch behind you. He wasn’t sure if he was being paranoid. He didn’t like that you did not look nearly as panicked and vulnerable as you’d sounded on the phone.
“You don’t have to look around,” you told him. “It’s just us here.”
He scoffed, not convinced. “I know it’s not.”
You felt a bubble of worry in the pit of your stomach, but you swallowed it and maintained eye contact. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“You have security everywhere,” he replied.
“I told you I talked to them.”
You saw some of his armour loosen. He was still puzzled by your rigid posture, but now he seemed less inclined to flee.
“Right,” he said reluctantly. “You said you needed my help.”
“I did,” you confirmed. “Can you answer one question?”
He furrowed his brows again.
“Sure,” he said, but his response sounded like a question. He couldn’t guess what would happen next, and he was beside himself. You’ve never seen him fidget like this.
“Why did you come here?” you asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I’ve been texting you the whole day yesterday,” you said. “You didn’t reply to me. Then, suddenly, you did. And now you’re here.”
You already knew why he texted you back when he did; Jungkook had provoked him. But you wanted to hear Sid’s logic. This had been bothering you ever since Jungkook told you about the videos Sid had sent him—the simple why.
Sid wanted to establish his superiority, you understood that much—but why was it so important to him? After all, Jungkook had never posed any serious threat to him until now.
This was not part of the plan, but you figured that since you had to keep Sid here for a while longer, you might as well make the most of the situation.
“Oh, yeah, no, my phone—it broke, the glass cracked, all my shit is deleted,” he said. “I’m trying to figure out how to access my Cloud. I forgot my password.”
“Oh,” you said. “So that’s why you didn’t reply?”
Sid shrugged. “Yeah.”
You narrowed your eyes before quickly adjusting your expression. You may have dropped certain parts of your act, but you were still the worried, confused, and very innocent damsel in evident distress. You weren’t interrogating him.
Sid seemed to read the expression on your face as precisely that.
“Don’t worry, I’m—I would have replied to you if my phone was okay,” he said and you had already predicted that he would say this very thing. It was a standard response for guys like him: I would have replied, but. I would have called, but. I really would have, but.
You cleared your throat and hoped very much that your face would appear relieved to hear this. “Really?”
“Of course,” Sid assured. He was soothed, seemingly, by the hopeful glint he thought he saw in your eyes.
“I just—I have another question,” you said. “Are you here to get back at Jungkook?”
You could have been more subtle, but you did not want to be. Sid wasn’t expecting the question anyway, and his confusion clouded his judgment.
“I’m—why do you think that?” he asked.
“You two hate each other,” you explained. “I thought that was why you came here. Just to get back at him.”
Despite your calm demeanour, you sounded unsure when you spoke, and that helped Sid feel more at ease. He believed you were insecure about his motives. He thought you wanted to hear that he’d come here for you, only you. Not Jungkook.
“Well, sure,” he said. “But—you’re—you know.”
“No,” you said. “Explain it to me. I don’t know.”
“Well, it’s, like—I mean—you said you needed my help,” he replied very concisely.
You sensed what he was trying to convey, and you enjoyed his struggle to find the words for it. It was pathetic, though. You could tell just by looking at him that the emotions he wanted to talk to you about weren’t genuine, yet he still couldn’t put them into words.
He wanted you to think he had feelings for you, so you’d drop your guard. So you’d stop asking questions and come to him, and Jungkook would lose you. But if there was anyone in this building that Sid genuinely had feelings for, it was himself.
“Well, yeah, but you—you posted that picture,” you said, feigning hurt. He’d wounded you and now you doubted his intentions—this way, he couldn’t doubt yours. “And you sent those videos, and—I thought you hated me, too. I didn’t think you’d agree to help me.”
“I don’t hate you,” he said. “This isn’t about you.”
Your overstimulated mind perked up. It finally started to feel like you were getting somewhere.
“It’s not?” you asked.
“Well, it’s a little about you,” he admitted. He chuckled here, too, and you felt a foreboding churning in your stomach even before he said anything else. “I mean, I liked you f-for a short while. Nothing serious. I think I even told you about it.”
“You did not tell me.”
As his awkward chuckling ceased, you caught your mask slipping and blinked a few times, trying to appear less threatening.
“Well, it didn’t last long, so it doesn’t even matter,” he added, glancing around the room.
“Mhmm.” You contemplated various ways to phrase yourself next, hoping that any way would work as long as your voice was quiet and unsure, maybe with an insecure chuckle at the end. “But why did you send those videos? What are you—what’s the reason?”
He closed his eyes and groaned. “How can you ask me that? After thinking that Jungkook tapped your phone? I thought you realised what he’s really like.”
You looked down, needing a moment to recall all that you’ve told him so you could continue to play along.
“Oh, no, I mean—no, I know,” you said. “I see what he’s like, I’m just—I want to know what you were trying to do, and, uh, maybe we can help each other.”
Sid appeared pleasantly surprised to hear this, but his expression quickly morphed into one of his sly grins—the sort that was toxic if you were exposed to it for too long. “Oh, yeah?”
You swallowed; you thought you could already taste the poison on your tongue.
“Yeah,” you replied.
He exhaled and took a few steps deeper into the room, right past your side. You forced yourself to stand still as he approached the window, glanced outside, and then turned back to you.
“It’s my revenge,” he said.
“Revenge,” you repeated, internally cringing at his choice of words. “For what?”
“For you.”
You raised your eyebrows and clutched your arms around yourself tighter. This was what you were waiting to hear, but, at the same time, it wasn’t.
“For me?” you asked.
“And for his band,” Sid added.
You did not reply, too worried about the turmoil you felt inside. The stirring in your stomach had suddenly intensified—as if the outer lining of your organs had begun to peel off like old paint does when it comes in contact with something acidic. You were starting to discover that Sid was toxic to be around in more ways than one.
“He’s got—he thinks he’s the shit now that he’s famous,” he continued. “Now that he’s back with you. He needs to be taken down a notch. That’s all.”
“That’s all?” you asked skeptically.
“Yeah,” he said with a nonchalant shrug. Taking someone “down a notch” seemed to be a regular activity for him.
“And you don’t think that’s a waste of time?” you asked. “I mean, I think we should just leave him be and… you know, move on with our lives.”
“No, that’s not how it works,” he declared. There was a newfound intensity in his eyes, an angry flame of sorts, and it made you realise just how lifeless his gaze had been otherwise. This was truly his purpose, you realised. If he wasn’t making others miserable, he wasn’t really living. “Somebody steps out of line, you need to put them back in their place. Or they won’t learn their lesson.”
You lowered your gaze before you could start shaking your head at his self-assured tone.
“But why does it matter if he learns his lesson or not?” you pushed. “If—if we’re leaving and won’t have to deal with him anymore?”
His lips spread in a dangerous, serpentine grin.
“We’re leaving?” he asked. He sounded thrilled and you wanted to knock his teeth in.
“Well, I would hope so,” you said. You also hoped that the twitching you felt in the corners of your eyes was phantom, and he could not see how much your body detested his presence.
Sid considered this for a second. You could see some sinister plan brewing in his mind.
“Alright. Yeah,” he finally said. “I like the idea of us going away. But it’s still unfair to leave debts unpaid, you know? This shit goes back years. He’s always tried to upstage me. Picture this: on my birthdays, I usually borrowed my dad’s yacht and got all my friends. And for the last few years, Jungkook was spending the whole night at the helm, handing everyone drinks like some Great fucking Gatsby in that book, fucking singing, and just trying to be the centre of attention. It’s my fucking birthday, and he’s acting like the star of the show.”
You had to pause to allow for several bits of new information to sink in. You were surprised, first of all, that Sid knew what a book was. You also learnt that he was so far up his own ass that he could not be accurate if he was gifted objectivity for Christmas.
You had heard a different version of this story from Jungkook. When he told you about these yacht parties, he had emphasised how new these experiences were for him, and how Sid was the one who’d made them possible. He’d used one of these parties as an example of the good moments in their friendship. You could sense awe and subtle gratitude in Jungkook’s words. No malice, no jealousy.
But Sid had evidently felt threatened. Yachts weren’t a luxury to him, they were a regular occurrence. And he felt intimidated by Jungkook’s unbridled joy because he cherished these experiences in a way that Sid never could.
“Oh,” you said after a moment. “I’ve never—I didn’t know about that.”
“Yeah,” Sid said with a childish sneer. “And don’t fucking get me started on what he was like when he was still with you. Never fucking shut up about having to see you. He thought he was some king of the fucking world, thought he was better than us. He tried to make us feel like losers because you chose him. And I knew things were shit for you two because he never told us about anything that you did together. But still, he fucking—his fucking head was the size of the moon. He really thought he was the shit. And then—get this. I said I wanted to be in a band. So, guess what he did?”
You were impressed by how offended Sid sounded as he complained about Jungkook not sharing the details of his relationship with his friends. And you were just as impressed by his perverse interpretations of how Jungkook’s relationship made him feel—he felt left out. He felt jealous and angry. He always had to have more than his friends and now, for the first time in his life, he didn’t.
And you remembered this dream about their own band, too – the conversation Jungkook said he’d had with Sid, Jude, and Minjun on the beach. How Sid wanted to be a bassist, how he owned all of Sex Pistols’ records. You’d thought they were joking until Jungkook brought this up again just the other night. And now you could tell how serious they were just by looking at the scowl on Sid’s face.
“Not to mention,” Sid continued, providing you with all the answers you sought, and looking very pleased as he did. To him, this must have felt like you were already agreeing with him. “Jungkook is the only one of my friends that my mum likes. I don’t know what it is about him. She fucking adores him. Like some stray fucking cat, I swear to fuck. And, of course, every time he’s at my house, he goes out of his way to kiss her ass, and she falls for it every single time. He should have been grateful I even invited him to see me, he should have been fucking kissing my ass, but instead, he was trying to appear like a little angel to her.”
This wasn’t something that Jungkook had mentioned to you before, and you were surprised. You only knew about Sid’s stone-cold mother from what Minjun had told you.
“What do you mean?” you asked. “What was he doing?”
However reluctant Sid might have seemed before, now he looked elated about the opportunity to elaborate.
“He brought her favourite chocolates whenever he came over, he polished her car when we were working on my granddad’s collection—and nobody even asked him to touch her car. He fucking sent her cards on her birthday,” he listed off, scoffing to himself. “And then I got shit for not congratulating her right away, even though I had something planned. For later. He was—he was setting some fucking standard that I had to live up to. And why the fuck should I? I’m her only son. Who the fuck is Jungkook to her? Fucking nobody. He’s a fucking wannabe, that’s what he is. He fucking acts like he fits in with us, but you can take one look at him to know that he never will. He’s nothing.”
You glanced at the window on your side. Sid got something exactly right; Jungkook really wanted to fit in.
He wanted Sid’s mother to approve of him like he wanted everyone to approve of him. He hoped that gaining her acceptance would make him feel more included in their inner circle. He would become Sid’s friend, not just someone Sid hung out with occasionally. They’d be as equal as they could be, given their vastly different backgrounds.
But Sid saw it all as a threat. And he was envious, too. He thought he had to compete with Jungkook for everything, even his mother’s affection. And he was understandably upset because he had the entitlement, the legacy, the money. He had a whole dynasty behind him. Jungkook had nothing.
For a very long time, Jungkook had been trying to come as close to Sid as he could, even though he knew he could never have what Sid had. And now, all of a sudden, Jungkook had so much more: he had the band, a promising career, a devoted fanbase, real friends. He had the girl, too.
And you realised that Sid didn’t want to merely demonstrate that he was better than Jungkook; that wasn’t it. He was obsessed with Jungkook—because he wanted to be Jungkook.
“So you thought those videos would put him in his place?” you asked. “You thought they’d teach him a lesson?”
“That was just for starters,” Sid said, grinning again. “I was going to make sure he lost you first, then the band. And I also have his bike. He would lose everything else on his own. Not that there’s much else to lose.”
You ran your fingers over your chin. You hadn’t had a chance to give Jungkook the keys to his Katana yet, and the weight of them in your pocket was quite pleasant.
“I see,” you said.
“So, what—will we do it?” Sid asked, blowing into his fist and rubbing his palms together. “I mean, he’s already lost you.”
You realised, quite unexpectedly, that you didn’t really want to punch him anymore. He was so deeply miserable already, purely of his own accord, that there was nothing you could do to make him feel worse about himself. You just wanted to get him out of here—preferably in the back of a police vehicle.
“How would—how do you think he’d lose the band?” you asked.
“I’ll post those videos I sent him,” he said easily. “Well, after my phone gets its shit together. His band will fear for their reputation, and they’ll get rid of him. Simple. And then every time he’ll try to sing, I’ll pull up something I have in my gallery. He’ll have to live the rest of his life quietly, without bothering anybody.”
You nodded along as you listened. You and your friends had suspected Sid would do this very thing. And now the thought of him trying very hard to get back at Jungkook after tonight, but failing every time, was very inspiring.
“What are you thinking?” he asked after you didn’t reply.
You looked up at him. “I, um—do you know what time it is?”
He glanced at the obnoxiously large, diamond-encrusted watch on his wrist. You doubted he could tell time that well, and Sid confirmed it when it took him a good fifteen seconds to calculate what each number on the mechanical watch stood for.
“Nine twenty-four,” he said. “Why?”
“No reason,” you replied. You’ve kept him here for almost half an hour at this point. That was as much time as you agreed on with Jude and Minjun; Jude had to have finished by now, ideally with some time to spare. “You came here from your hotel?”
“Yeah,” Sid said. “You want to go there?”
Finally, you allowed yourself a small smile. “I don’t think either of us will be going there.”
His eyebrows gathered into an uncertain frown. “Hmm?”
“I invited you here,” you said, “because I wanted to see you one last time.”
The previous confusion you’d seen in Sid’s eyes doubled. He did not make a move, but you saw him stiffen.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, and you were close enough to see his pupils shrinking.
You were the one to shrug casually this time. “I figured it’d be quite boring without you here.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he replied slowly, his gaze fixed on your face.
Your smile lacked any real sympathy, despite the pitiful click of your lips. “I’m afraid you’ll have no choice.”
“What?” he asked again. You watched him slide one of his hands into his jacket pocket. It must have been reflexive, he couldn’t have known that you knew what he carried there. But you were still glad. You were going to tell the police later that he kept reaching into his pocket anyway. At least now you wouldn’t have to lie.
“I’m just thinking, what else did you bring with you to London?” you asked. Jungkook told you not to beat Sid up, but he didn’t say anything about taunting him. “Something that you wouldn’t mind sharing with the police, maybe? We could have a little Show and Tell.”
You noticed his arm tighten inside his jacket sleeve; he must have clenched his fist in his pocket. “What—what the fuck are you saying?”
He had reverted to his usual manner of speaking, and you felt far more comfortable when he was foaming at the mouth instead of half-whispering just to maintain a seductive tone with you. His real face was slowly coming out. You could already see the fangs.
“Why do you look so alarmed?” you asked. “Did you bring something that you shouldn’t have brought with you, but figured, what’s the worst that can happen?”
His jaw was tight. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yeah, you do.”
He glared at you in a poor attempt at intimidation, and you heard the faint sound of footsteps in the corridor. You knew that Luna and Mick were right there, behind him. He was trapped.
“Is this why you called me here?” he questioned. You doubted he’d sensed the others, because he still looked fairly composed. “You’re trying to—trying to trick me into—into what? Admitting that I do drugs?”
“I’m not trying to trick you,” you countered. “I’m just having a conversation with you.”
He squinted at you. “You don’t need my help, do you?”
You almost laughed at the absurdity of the question; you knew he was slow, but this still surprised you.
“I did, actually,” you said. “And you’ve already helped me loads. Thanks.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he snapped, finally displaying some of the aggression you’d been anticipating. His hand flew out of his pocket but remained relatively close to the rest of his body. “Y-you—you think you’re going to bust me for drugs? You think this is my first time in a foreign country?”
Your smile was patient.
“You think this is my first time talking to you?” you returned. “You think I spent all these years dealing with your shit and learnt nothing?”
For a very heartwarming moment, Sid’s eyes looked ready to pop out of his forehead.
“The cops wouldn’t find anything,” he snarled, taking a step closer to you.
You shrugged and did not move. “Alright.”
“You’d be the one they question for wasting their time,” he continued, taking another step until he was a mere foot away from you.
“Fair.”
He leaned in closer, each of his words so self-assured that it was a wonder he hadn’t done a backflip yet to prove how absolutely incredible, how untouchable, how totally one-of-a-kind he was.
“You still think you have something on me?” he snarled.
You leaned back slightly to be able to meet his gaze without your vision blurring from the proximity and his awful smell. His cologne was not rich enough to hide the powerful stench of all that he’d consumed before he came here.
“Is this a threat?” you asked. Your tone was calm and you saw the way it made the veins in his neck bulge.
He scoffed. “How is that a threat?”
“I am feeling very threatened.”
“I’m not even touching you,” he retorted. He was a little nervous, you could tell. He thought he could pay his way out of any trouble, but he would still be inconvenienced if you called the police.
“Who’s going to believe you?” you countered. “You reek of liquor and weed.”
“Oh, so you’re going to frame me, is that it?” he asked, raising the pitch of his voice to mock you.
You figured he would think he was invincible until the very end, and you appreciated that his unwavering arrogance would become precisely what brought on his downfall.
“Framing implies I falsify charges,” you said.
He ran his tongue over his upper teeth. “Well, I never threatened you.”
“And I never lied to the police.”
Sid continued to stare at you without blinking. He hadn’t expected to find himself in this situation with you. He hadn’t expected you not to blink, either.
And it occurred to you, with him so close, that despite the act he put on, despite his perpetual sneer, he was truly incredibly insecure. This—standing right in your face—was the most he could do.
“Hmm. I see,” he said. You heard his jacket scrunch as he moved, but you did not look away from the slits in his pupils. “You have to understand, though, if I wanted to threaten you, I w—”
You noticed the movement of his arm out of the corner of your eye and slapped his hand away with the edge of your palm just as he reached to touch your cheek. Sid yelped and recoiled in surprise.
You had underestimated your strength when you were on so much adrenaline, and the dull slap echoed in the empty room. It took him a moment to understand what had happened.
“Fuck—y-you’re the one who just pushed me,” he said, looking at his hand as if you’d drawn blood. “And you’re the one who called me in here in the first pl—”
“Mick!” you called out, cutting him off.
Mick was standing right by the door and Sid did not get another chance to interject before the security guard popped his head inside. He looked at you, then at the increasing distance between you and Sid as Sid crossed the room away from you.
“Yeah?” the guard asked, stepping inside.
“Call 999 for me, would you, please?” you asked, keeping your eyes on Sid as he smirked to himself. “We have a trespasser here.”
“You fucking invited me,” Sid shot back, rolling his eyes. “You told them to let me in.”
“I did no such thing,” you said.
“Y—you fucking called me!” he continued, momentarily thrown off balance. “And you kept fucking texting me, and told me to—”
“I would never call you.”
The unshakeable tranquillity in your eyes as you lied right to his face made him livid. You hoped it would.
“You fucking bitch,” he spat. “I have it on my phone. The messages might be gone, but you called me—”
“Sid,” you said in a voice so indifferent that he stopped speaking and just glowered at you. “You are behaving very irrationally and posing a threat to me and your surroundings. Mick is legally allowed to restrain you until the police get here.”
Mick put his phone away and took a step closer to Sid. Sid took an instinctive step back, closer to you. He appeared so confused, so cornered, that not even his persistent scoffing—a coping mechanism, you started to realise—could help him retain his nonchalance.
“I’m behaving irrationally?” he questioned. “How the fuck am I—”
“Hey,” Luna called from the door. Your heart lifted at the sound of her voice, but faltered when you saw Minjun next to her. He wasn’t supposed to be here. “I heard yelling. Is everything alright?”
“I-I found a trespasser,” you explained. “I feel very threatened.”
“I understand,” she replied, her voice mechanical. Sid looked like he wanted to throw things, then break them when he noticed Minjun. “He is yelling at you and flailing his arms. I also feel threatened.”
Sid’s sardonic laughter gained more volume.
“You’re fucking ridiculous,” he growled. “Did you all plot this together? Do you know who I am? This will never fly.”
“The police are on their way,” Mick told him. “You’re coming with me.”
You allowed him to take charge and moved towards Minjun and Luna; she immediately wrapped a protective arm around your shoulders. The three of you watched Mick grab both of Sid’s hands and dodge a clumsy slap as Sid made feeble attempts to resist.
“You have no fucking idea what I’m going to do to you, Minjun!” Sid cried. “Your family is fucked. They’re so fucking fucked!”
You reached out to touch Minjun’s arm when you saw him swallow back his anger. He glanced at you, then at Luna, and nodded before turning back to Sid.
“I’m sure it won’t be that bad for us, compared to where you’re going,” he replied calmly, forcing Sid to break into another fit of incomprehensible screeching.
Mick guided Sid towards the door, using his full weight to restrain him as Sid writhed in his grip. As soon as they crossed the threshold of the dressing room—where Sid fought violently to break out and cursed Minjun to hell and back several times—Mick pulled him into himself and half-carried him to the security room.
Sid yelled all the way down the corridor, ensuring that there were plenty of other witnesses to his outburst. The venue staff and your tour staff all heard his threats, they all saw him resist Mick’s hold. You couldn’t have planned it like this if you’d tried—and it was mostly due to Minjun showing up. Seeing someone that he considered a mere plaything stand up to him had clearly snapped something in Sid’s brain.
It took the police twenty minutes to arrive, and Sid had not closed his mouth once. You found that you quite enjoyed it; every scream from behind the door of the security room about how he was going to “fuck this place up” and “find every single one of you” and “kill you, you insufferable fucking bitch” sounded very melodious. Even Minjun loosened eventually, enjoying the moment he’d waited so long for.
Despite your efforts to keep the rest of your friends away from this scene, Maggie found her way to you just when the officers entered the venue. She was concerned about the screams she’d heard from across the building, but she was relieved to see you, Luna and Minjun chuckling outside the security room.
“Get it together,” she warned you with a grin. “The police are here. We want them to take us seriously.”
“Can we watch?” Minjun asked, nodding at the security room. One of the two officers had left the door open.
You moved closer instead of replying, and all four of you peered inside.
The space was cramped, but the scene inside the room was beautiful: Sid was on his knees, pressed against the wall, and he looked feral. His hair fell in aimless, overly gelled strands around his face, he snarled and barked at anyone who addressed him, and the younger officer appeared genuinely afraid to touch him for fear of getting his hand bitten off.
The other officer turned around in the meantime, noticing you. He approached, but Sid was yelling so much that the officer could not even ask you for a quick recap of what had happened before they got here. You understood what he wanted anyway, and leaned in to shout your explanation in his ear.
“He kept reaching into his pocket while talking to me,” you said, according to your plan. “I’m afraid he might be armed. We didn’t mention this on the phone so he wouldn’t hear us a-and decide to use it.”
There were no weapons, you were sure. You just needed the officers to check Sid’s pockets with intention, not merely graze over them.
The policeman gave you a nod and turned back to face Sid. The younger officer stepped back, seemingly relieved that he wouldn’t have to touch him.
“Stand up,” the senior officer ordered.
Mick let him go, and Sid jumped to his feet with such angry vigour that he collided with the metal table in the middle of the room. He cursed again and attempted to punch the table in irrational fury, hissing in pain the second that his knuckles connected with the surface.
“I am so happy,” Minjun whispered next to you when Sid leapt in the air in pain. “This is literally the highlight of my life.”
“Mine, too, I think,” Maggie agreed, snickering. “Wish I’d brought my camera.”
Biting back your own laughter, you shushed them so the policemen wouldn’t hear.
“Stop, stop,” the older officer was telling Sid. His voice sounded a little alarmed as Sid clutched his hand and spun around. “You’ll hurt yourself. Stand by that wall.”
Sid continued to mumble profanities under his breath, but he complied. The officer approached, gently kicked Sid’s shin to get him to spread his legs, and began to search through his thick jacket.
He meticulously patted down Sid’s shoulders, then his chest, until he pressed on something—the very something you and Minjun had hoped he would press on—and pulled back with a frown. A light bag, securely wrapped in cling film, tumbled out past the various zippers on Sid’s jacket and landed on the floor.
Across the room, Maggie gasped. Both officers jumped back as if a ticking bomb had fallen out of his pocket.
You noticed that Sid looked surprised, too. You glanced up at Minjun, and he gave you a solemn nod. He already knew that Jude had to rip Sid’s usual inner pocket to make sure the bag would fall out when poked with enough force.
The older officer was the first to react as he yelled at his younger colleague who quickly sprung into action and pressed Sid roughly into the wall, effectively restraining him again. The other officer then pulled out his receiver and spoke into it with such urgency that you almost began to feel uneasy, too.
“That—that’s not mine!” Sid protested despite struggling to speak with his face pressed against the wall. “I don’t know how that—it’s not mine, it—”
The young officer pushed him into the wall harder and said something to him, more assertive now that Sid’s rage was replaced with fear. You couldn’t hear what he said from where you were standing, but you could tell from the way Sid swallowed and quieted down that it was not a phrase of gentle encouragement.
“It’s not yours,” the older officer repeated as he pushed his receiver back into the case, “but it fell out of your jacket?”
“It’s—”
It took Sid two seconds to realise that he was in deep trouble—and another two seconds to make this much worse for himself.
“I was just taking it to a friend,” he said.
You could no longer suppress your smile.
The senior officer raised an eyebrow, then quickly lowered it. He refrained from asking further questions—although he certainly looked like he wanted to—knowing that it would only incriminate Sid more.
“You can tell us at the station,” the officer said, pulling out gloves and tweezers to pick up the small bag from the floor, careful, so the white powder inside wouldn’t spill out, “about whoever you were taking it to.”
Sid noticed the way the officer’s voice changed as soon as he mentioned this friend, and he realised what this must have sounded like.
“I—no. No,” he decided, his panic deepening. He knew that supplying was a much more serious offence than possession. “I wasn’t taking it to anyone. No one paid me. I’m not selling. I was just—”
“You’re going to the station,” the officer repeated. “You can tell us about your friend there.”
“I’m saying I—I lied!” Sid shouted. He sounded frantic, desperate, scared. It was perfectly musical. “It’s not—I wasn’t taking it to a friend. It’s for me! It’s mine.”
“Oh, this much?” Maggie called out.
You were startled by the abrupt sound of her voice. Sid was too, as he whipped his head around, forcing the officer cuffing his wrists to stagger on his feet and push Sid’s head back into the wall.
“Shut the fuck up,” Sid yelled, promptly interrupting the officer as he began to recite his rights to him. “I will fucking—I will kill you—I will fucking kill all of you, I swear—”
“Son,” the older officer interjected sternly, grabbing Sid’s arm from his younger colleague and dragging him towards the door of the room. Maggie pulled you and Luna aside to make room for them to walk past. Minjun stepped back, too. “I’d like to remind you that you are under arrest.”
“Fuck you,” Sid snarled, staring at Minjun.
He glared at him all the way down the corridor of the venue, straining his neck as the officers pushed him forwards, and you followed them outside. Just past the back exit, you and your friends stopped to watch—with immense pleasure—as they took Sid to their car.
“Jungkook will go down with me, you know!” Sid yelled, resisting their attempts to protect his head as they pushed him onto the backseat. “I’m his friend. He invited me!”
You saw his flaring nostrils from afar and you could tell how much he wished that Jungkook stood next to Minjun right now. How much he wanted to get one last reaction out of him, to threaten him with payback like he’d done to Minjun. And you were glad Jungkook wasn’t here to give Sid the satisfaction of being his punching bag one last time.
“Jungkook was the one who banned you from Rated Riot’s shows,” you reminded Sid as he kicked the seat in front of him. “That was why we had to call the police.”
“Your obsession with Jungkook is really unhealthy, by the way,” Minjun added. “Maybe you should work on that before someone realises how jealous you are. That’d be awkward.”
The older officer glared at Minjun, but there was a softness in his eyes that indicated he only meant to softly chastise him for this unnecessary addition.
“You fucking cu—” was going to be Sid’s last choral arrangement, but it was drowned out when the younger officer slammed the door shut.
The officer then walked around the car and got into the driver’s seat, while his older colleague stayed back to talk to you. He told you that he would have taken you to the station as witnesses as well, but he understood how busy you were. When he bashfully admitted that his daughter was actually in the audience of Rated Riot’s show right now, you felt so high that you could have easily floated away.
He pulled out his notebook and returned the subject to Sid, asking you to be quick and concise. He said that things did not look good for Sid either way, but the procedure required him to get your statements.
Your account was very straightforward: Sid had forced his way into the venue, yelling and cursing, and demanded to see you and Jungkook (Luna’s statement confirmed this: “It was frightening,” she’d said, “I thought he was going to hurt someone.”). Then, you called security. Sid looked irrational, almost crazy, and he resisted all of your efforts to restrain him. He threatened everyone, it was so very awful—and not entirely false.
Then, Minjun recounted how he’d heard Sid’s shouts from the smoking area outside, and Maggie told him about hearing the same shouts from the bathroom across the venue.
In the meantime, you shifted your gaze to the police car. The officer inside was stuck listening to a lengthy barrage of Sid’s curses—“fucking pigs, all of you”—and introductions—“do you know who I fucking am?”—but he did not turn his head to acknowledge Sid’s hysteria. You wondered if they had any spare muzzles lying around in the trunk.
The officer emphasised to you that, after the scene Sid had caused, there was little he could do to escape punishment. And you knew that the discovery of illegal substances on his person provided strong grounds for obtaining a search warrant for his residence—where you knew he kept the rest of his supply that Jude had made sure to spread around the room.
And now even if Sid evaded possession-with-intent-to-supply charges, even if he hired expensive legal counsel, even if he tried to bribe the officers and their dogs, too – this was done.
Sid thought he was invincible, he had escaped consequences his whole life. But Jungkook was his biggest weakness, and he was the one who brought the consequences to Sid.
You were dizzy with delight.
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Jungkook was so worried about your plan that it lingered in the back of his mind all through the band’s performance. But then he spotted you sometime at the end of the show, smiling at him with the stage lights reflected in your eyes, and he completely forgot what you’d just done. He was just happy you were here.
It was Maggie’s side-hug as she walked past you and seemingly stopped to ask if you were okay that reminded him. And when you looked up at him again, meeting his gaze and nodding, he knew.
Sid was gone. And you were here.
Jungkook came very close to jumping off the stage and kissing you. He would have done it, really, everything else be damned, but the song change kept him in place. Rated Riot did not have many ballads—only two, maybe two and a half if you included the first half of “Haunting”—but the few that they had, came at this point in the show.
He stayed on stage, but he was still too excited to give the songs a proper mournful mood as he kept jumping and smiling into the microphone at all the wrong moments. Nevertheless, the audience greeted his energy with unwavering enthusiasm, and Jungkook thought that this night would become another memory—one of many, lately—that he’d want to stay forever etched into his mind.
By the end of the show, he felt like parts of his skin had caught fire. He was filled with so much energy that he could have walked to Paris right now and performed a show there immediately. He even frightened a few fans with his incessant jumping as the band stayed back for their traditional informal Meet & Greet after the show.
As soon as it finished, Jungkook made his way to you backstage—still breathless, shirtless, sweaty, and ecstatic—and hugged you as soon as he found you, despite your half-hearted protests. He was damp and sticky, and purposefully holding onto you tighter when he heard you complain about it.
Noticing the sight, the rest of the band members piled into the room, hollering war cries and jumping on the two of you in a chaotic group hug. With all five of you giggling and suffocating under each other’s weight, you didn’t notice Minjun and Jude lingering in the doorway.
You were greedy for a minute—maybe two minutes—as you soaked up the band’s bliss and enjoyed the moment before breathlessly telling the boys to go and have fun. They thought you were just saying that so they’d let you breathe, so naturally, they stayed huddled together longer, purposefully torturing you. They tousled your hair when they pulled away, and ran off, seemingly bouncing off the walls of the room as they went.
Jungkook wiped his face with a towel that he’d kept over his shoulder, his smile never ceasing. When you managed to tear your gaze away from his lips, you finally noticed that Minjun was grinning at you from across the room, with an uncertain Jude next to him. Minjun had picked him up immediately after the police left with Sid.
You took a step towards them, but Taehyung accidentally hit a few chords on his bass as he was putting it back into the case across the room—the melody held an uncanny resemblance to Queen’s “Another One Bites The Dust”—and all four members of Rated Riot, in various out-of-tune voices, immediately belted out the chorus, blocking your path with their haphazard gyrations.
There was cause for celebration—like there was every night, but tonight, especially—and you allowed them to pull you into their dance.
Jungkook was still humming under his breath when he led you to the side of the room a few minutes later, eager to learn more about Sid. You motioned for Minjun and Jude to join you, too, and then stretched up on your toes to find Luna and Maggie in the crowding room. They spotted you first and approached, bouncing with excitement.
Jungkook was patting Jude on the back, but the girls pulled all of you into another group hug that sent all of you into a new fit of laughter.
“The show was that good, huh?” Jimin commented, amused by your affection, as he finished setting up the drinks on the table next to you.
You extended your hand to make room, and he snuck into the very middle of your group hug, holding onto Luna and Minjun.
“It was!” you agreed. “We’re celebrating.”
“When are we not?” Jimin replied, readily accepting the glass that Maggie handed him once she broke the hug.
You and Jungkook distributed the rest of the glasses to your little group, and Minjun poured the tequila. Absolutely exhilarated, all of you clicked your glasses together, laughing and splattering your drinks everywhere. You were a little worried about Jude, but Minjun kept his arm on Jude’s shoulder, giving you a nod when you met his eye. He’d watch over him.
You downed your shots and realised belatedly that you didn’t have any chasers. Understandably, the only solution was to wash off the bitter taste with another shot of tequila, leading to a very entertaining rest of the night.
Just a few shots later, Jimin excused himself to find Seokjin. There was another bet backstage about whether you would finally drink after the final show in London—you hadn’t last time—and Seokjin owed him money.
Now, with only those of you who had plotted against Sid left in this corner of the room, the atmosphere darkened just a little. Your adrenaline had begun to wear off.
“Okay, I know we’ve talked about getting him arrested and whatever happens next happens, but I am curious,” Luna said, breaking the weighty silence. “How would it go in court? Hypothetically? Could he still avoid a prison sentence?”
You sighed. “He’s a first-time offender, so probably.”
“But wh—I mean, I actually doubt that,” Minjun interjected. “Considering the amount he has in his hotel room.”
You finished your shot before replying.
“There could be something else that makes the court lean towards a more lenient sentence, though,” you said. “He could—”
Minjun shook his head and cut your pessimistic approach off.
“Mitigating factors are good character, remorse, and proven steps to overcome drug use,” he cited. “Does any of that sound like Sid?”
You nodded, conceding. You’ve read about this together when you first began to plan Sid’s arrest, and Minjun had asked you the same question back then. Only a few extenuating circumstances could have applied to Sid, and even those were a stretch.
“Mental health could be a mitigating factor, too,” Jungkook added. “Sid is, I’m almost certain, insane.”
You raised your head to smile at him. At this point, everyone here knew that Sid was undoubtedly crazy or somewhere thereabout.
“That’s true,” Minjun agreed, smiling, too. “But they won’t release him back onto the streets, then. He’ll be institutionalised.”
“That’s good,” Maggie said, exhaling in evident relief. You hadn’t realised how concerned this change in conversation had made her feel. “I don’t want his ass coming anywhere near us.”
“He won’t be,” you assured. You may have been doubtful about Sid’s future behind bars, but you did not doubt that you’d never see him again. “If this won’t work, we’re all getting restraining orders.”
“Oh, nice,” Luna said, grinning. “We’ll save the officers some time if we all get one together.”
You snickered. “Exactly.”
Luna chuckled and stopped patting Maggie’s back to pour herself another drink. You and Jungkook both extended your empty glasses, too, and Luna playfully rolled her eyes before filling them.
“Honestly, I don’t even care what sentence Sid gets,” Jude said, and he began to stutter as soon as your little group turned to look at him. “I-I just want him to s-suffer a little.”
Maggie, ever as vindictive, raised her eyebrows at him. “A little?”
“For starters,” he clarified.
She nodded, much more pleased with this response, and broke into a lively tale about the positive feedback she received from Rated Riot’s fans after posting the blacklist—as though she was the one who had singlehandedly banned Sid—and the clouds of eerie disquiet above you quickly cleared.
Shortly after that, Taehyung grew bored and came to find Luna—with Jimin lingering by his side and playfully pulling Luna away from him. After Taehyung managed to run off with his girlfriend, Jimin changed his targets and continued his drunken twirling around a flustered Minjun, who kept insisting that he did not dance. Maggie had to pull Jimin away with an energetic pirouette, leaving the rest of you to yourselves.
Just then, Yoongi and Hoseok convinced Seokjin, Jimin, and Maggie to head back to the hotel, which was just a twenty-minute walk from the venue. They were all drunk enough to think they’d have a blast walking there and you had to dispatch Namjoon to accompany them. He was quite tipsy, too, but at least his limb coordination was not worse than it usually was. He’d drag them with him if one of them grew too tired of walking—you knew that one of them would and you gave Yoongi a knowing look before he left.
Minjun, Jude, Jungkook and you were the last people who remained in the dressing room to finish the drinks. You took this time to encourage Jude to tell you about what he did, and he shared the story about breaking Sid’s phone.
Happy and light from the alcohol, Jungkook wrapped an arm around your waist, allowing you to lean into his side as you listened. It was extremely relieving to laugh about everything that you’ve been through today.
“So, we’re done?” Jungkook asked after Jude finished. “This is it?”
You glanced at Minjun just as he turned to look at you; the two of you had developed a special bond over the past few days. Then you turned to Jude, too. Both of them nodded.
“We’re done,” you confirmed. “They arrested him.”
Jungkook’s arm around your waist tightened as he drew you closer.
“And the hotel room?” he asked then.
“It’s all there,” Jude replied. “I took care of it, but I-I barely had to do anything. Sid kept everything literally lying around.”
You nodded, relieved. “Good.”
“Really, Sid was the one who did everything,” Minjun added. “We just… made it more obvious. That still took a hell of an effort, but it’s all over now. Great job, guys.”
He leaned in to pat Jude on the back, and you reached out to give a supportive squeeze on Jude’s arm, too.
“We wouldn’t be here without you,” you told him, happy to notice that tequila had helped Jude’s tanned skin regain some of its glow. “The hard part’s finally over.”
“Fuck yes,” Jungkook exclaimed, perking up. “It’s fucking over.”
He reached out to high-five Minjun, then Jude, and you did the same, smiling all the while. You turned to Jungkook then, but instead of connecting your palms, he wrapped both arms around you and exhaled deeply against your neck. He settled in your embrace, showing no signs of moving anytime soon, and Minjun had to clear his throat, dramatically turning his head away.
Grinning, Jungkook released you but kept one of his hands on your back.
“Let’s head back to the hotel, yeah?” you suggested, and all of them nodded. “We all need to get some sleep. And I still need to take twenty showers in a row to get rid of Sid’s stench.”
Jungkook remained oblivious to his surroundings as he rested his chin on your shoulder. “Mind if I join?”
“Ugh.” Minjun grimaced. “Get used to this, Jude, these two are fucking intolerable.”
Jude snickered at this, and you laughed, too, taking Jungkook’s hand in yours.
“Thank you for everything you did today,” you said, your gaze stopping on all three of them.
Minjun’s expression softened. “Oh. It’s all for a good cause.”
“Yeah,” Jude said. He appeared more certain now, his voice was louder. He lost Sid but found his friends. He’d be alright. “W-we did this together.”
You smiled and turned back to Jungkook. He gave you a quick nod, and you understood. Patting Jude and Minjun on their shoulders as you walked past, you excused yourself to give the three of them a moment alone.
“Seriously, guys,” Jungkook said after you left. Minjun was a little uncomfortable with the intense gratitude in his friend’s eyes, but Jude was extremely touched. “Thank you for this. You’re a fucking rockstar, Jude, shit. And Minjun, thank you for being one of the masterminds behind this. How are you so fucking smart, but friends with us?”
They all laughed at this, but Minjun shook his head while he did, lowering his gaze.
“It was mostly your girlfriend’s plan,” he said. “She, uh—she made sure my ass doesn’t get busted along with Sid, actually.”
Jungkook was beaming. He would never tire of hearing you referred to as his girlfriend. Actually, he would never tire of hearing people talk about you and him in the same sentence, but this was even nicer.
“Oh, don’t worry,” he said. “She’d have also found a way to break you out of prison.”
Jude nodded, agreeing very strongly. “I bet she would have.”
Jungkook chuckled. He never thought he’d see the day when you would become friends with his friends, and he felt a little unsteady on his feet.
This moment here, tonight, felt very different from what he was used to, but it felt right. He hadn’t even realised how heavy the rock with Sid’s name on it had been on his chest, and how light he felt now that it was pushed off. How light he felt now that he was here with his friends. How happy.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he told them.
“We’re glad to be here,” Minjun replied.
Jude cleared his throat and raised his glass. “Fuck Sid.”
It had become their mantra, and Jungkook raised his fist in the air.
“Fuck Sid,” he echoed, grinning.
He wanted to find some additional encouraging words, but he was starting to grow restless, shuffling his feet and scratching his palms. Minjun was quick to conclude that he was looking forward to finishing the conversation and leaving the room.
“Go,” Minjun told him. “Jude and I are going to go out for a smoke. We’ll see you later.”
Jungkook looked very grateful. He would not even pretend to protest.
“Alright,” he said, already walking away. “Save me one, and thanks again! You’re two of the coolest people I know. But she is the first one.”
Snickering, Minjun called after him, “rock on. And stay safe!”
Minjun and Jude could still hear his laughter, even though Jungkook had already left the room in a hurry to find you.
He spotted you by the exit, and as soon as you extended your hand for him to take, he ran the remaining few steps to get to you faster. He gave you a quick peck on the lips, and was about to open the door when you stopped him by pulling on his hand.
“Hold on,” you said. “I have something for you.”
Jungkook was a little puzzled—and very intrigued—as he watched you search the pockets of your jacket. Never, not even when he was dreaming and couldn’t control the signals that his subconsciousness was sending him, did he imagine you pulling out the keys to his Katana.
“Here,” you said. “Jude got them from Sid.”
He heard his friend’s name, and he saw the keys out of the corner of his eye, but his gaze remained locked on yours, as though fearful that this wasn’t actually happening, that perhaps his mind was playing tricks on him.
It wasn’t the keys that he had trouble processing. It was you, giving them back to him.
“I’m…” he faltered, the rest of his sentence never making it past his lips. He tried a different one instead. “Thank you.”
You shook your head. “I’m just the messenger.”
“Well, you could have told Jude to take them back to Sid,” he pointed out, his throat dry. “I think that’s, um—that’s what I would have done.”
Observing his flustered state, you raised an eyebrow.
“Why?” you asked. “Did you change your mind about the bike? Is the paint peeling off, so you don’t want it anymore?”
Finally, his expression lightened, and a tentative smile returned to his lips.
“No,” he said. “And it would still be beautiful even without any paint. It’s what’s on the inside that matters.”
You grinned. “Very gallant.”
He remained hesitant, however, and you raised your palm again to give him the keys. You knew how much effort he’d put into the motorcycle, even though there were moments, when you first came to manage Rated Riot, where Jungkook’s obsession with his bike seemed unhealthy.
Yoongi—the self-proclaimed expert—had said that he’d seen this behaviour in almost all his friends. He was convinced that Jungkook was trying to compensate for something. Trying to fill some void in his life.
You remembered hating these assumptions. They had felt about as dangerous as Jungkook’s casual declaration about the love of his life.
“It’s your bike,” you said to Jungkook now, the keys cold in your palm. “I know how much it means to you.”
He took a sharp breath and shook his head. He did love the bike very much—as much as one could love an inanimate object, and maybe a little more—but he’s come to learn that he would give it up in a heartbeat for the things that truly mattered to him.
“It—it doesn’t mean to me nearly as much as you do,” he said. “I gave it up to keep Sid away.”
You swallowed the bitter taste in your mouth.
“You couldn’t keep Sid away even if you gave up Rated Riot,” you said. “He claims that’s what’s bothering him, but it isn’t. Not really. He just can’t stand the thought that you are bigger than he will ever be.”
“Hmm.”
Slowly, Jungkook took the keys from you, the tips of his uncertain fingers grazing over your palm. He examined the keys for a minute.
“I can put the keychain back on now,” he said. “It looks wrong without it.”
This surprised you.
“What—the “JK” one?” you asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “I had to change keys after I moved to a different apartment, and I put the pendant on these for the time being. It felt right, so I kept it there.”
He lifted the keys as he spoke and you frowned. You remembered the lurid—atrocious, really—pendant that you’d found at a fair and insisted on buying for him because it spelt out “JK” in large, jewelled letters. You were just drunk enough to find the flashy jewels enticing and very amusing.
You’d assumed Jungkook had put it on his keys as a challenge of sorts. It was very ugly and very far out of his usual taste in accessories, but you bought it, and he would rather cut off an arm than turn down a dare. You thought he’d taken it off after you broke up.
“You still have it?” you asked. “It was supposed to be a joke, I think.”
“Of course, I still have it,” he replied, almost offended. When he gave the keys to Sid, he kept the keychain. It was one of his most prized possessions. “It’s cute.”
“It’s huge,” you countered. “It ripped every pocket of every pair of jeans you owned.”
“That’s because they were shit jeans,” he said. “You leave my keychain alone.”
You snickered with a noncommittal shake of your head.
“Fine,” you said. “I’m glad you’ve grown so fond of it.”
“You gave it to me,” he said. “Of course, I’m fond of it.”
He slipped the keys into his pocket and gave you a wink as he did—to let you know that he didn’t mind ripping this pair of jeans, too, once he reattached the keychain. Then he finally opened the door of the venue and took your hand into his, leading you outside.
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The hotel was quiet when you returned, but you didn’t have time to wonder where the rest of the Rated Riot members were—you’d have definitely heard them if they were here—because Jungkook pulled you into his room as soon as you climbed the stairs to your floor.
His bathroom quickly turned messy, with your clothes scattered on the cold tiles. Jungkook had the rare talent of figuring out the shower mechanism within a second, and the warm water washed over you as soon as you stepped into the cabin after him. The glass panels on either side began to fog when you slid the door closed.
You knew Jungkook preferred his showers ice cold, but the water right now was scalding hot. He didn’t even ask you about it, didn’t try to negotiate. He simply made this comfortable for you and wrapped his arms around you, his grip unreasonably tight.
Hotel bathrooms, you realised, had become a significant part of your relationship.
“You still have to show me your playlist, by the way,” he murmured, following the path of the water droplets down your spine.
You sighed, feeling his chest move against yours as he chuckled. “What do I have to do to get out of it?”
“Show it to me,” he replied. “And I’ll shut up.”
“You never shut up.”
He laughed again, pulling back slightly to look at you. His hair fell in clumsy ringlets around his face—not wet enough to fully straighten yet—and you needed to remind yourself to keep breathing in, then out. He leaned in, wearing a teasing smile on his face, as if he knew that you’d stop breathing again as soon as he did this, and pressed his lips to yours.
You could taste the liquor that you’d shared backstage on his tongue and felt his warm breath as he exhaled against your mouth. Your touch on his neck was so delicate that he wasn’t fully convinced it was you, and not the stream of water that touched him. He wanted to hold you tighter to really feel you here, and he lowered his hands to the small of your back, gently drawing you closer.
Steam rose from the shower floor, and the glass turned grey from the fog. Jungkook would have been suffering in this heat if he had felt any of it. All he could focus on right now was you, and how you still tasted like a distant dream, no matter how many times he’d kissed you.
The shampoo remained untouched as your fingers explored each other’s skin, jealous of the courageous water drops—they dared to touch everything that your hands longed to reach.
Eventually, he blindly found the bar of soap on the metal shelf behind him, and broke away from the kiss.
Before you could say anything, he instructed quietly, “turn around.”
It took a moment for you to comply—not because of some defiance, but because the tattoos on his arm, when they were peppered with glistening droplets of water, were captivating in a way that they’ve never been before.
He rubbed the soap between his palms and massaged your arms and back, lathering the foam on your skin. His touch was slow and careful, although not particularly calculated as his hands kept wandering to every soft part of you. Every single one of his caresses seemed to cleanse something from your skin that mere water could never wash away.
A soft sigh passed your lips as his fingers followed the traces of bubbles on your navel, and you forgot everything that you were still supposed to do today. By the time he leaned in closer, his chest pressed against your back as he ran his hands over your collarbones, your chest, and your stomach, you forgot everything you’d done before today, too.
You realised, as you felt his breath against your neck, how calm you felt. How absolutely at peace—and how much you’ve waited for this. How much you wanted these moments to stay frozen in time, just yours and no one else’s, surreal and dreamlike even as you lived through them.
Jungkook noticed your closed eyes, and whispered softly, “are you okay?”
You hummed. “I love you.”
He felt your heartbeat under his fingertips. He felt the way your words echoed in his chest. And he realised that he was stupid to think he’d already experienced every human emotion in his life, because these sensations in his stomach were new. They felt like scattered branches of fir trees. Like the sharp edges of young pinecones. They stirred within him like a forest of evergreen trees: vibrant, timeless, and beautiful.
You’ve opened something inside him that he didn’t realise had been closed. And you’ve closed everything he regretted opening. You were every breath he took, every scent he smelled, and every flavour he tasted. You were every beat of his heart.
He did not think he could ever adequately express the depth of everything you made him feel.
“Thank you,” he said, because he couldn’t not say anything, “for everything.”
You turned in his arms, a little confused about his abrupt gratitude. Jungkook swallowed hard, his gaze locked on yours.
“I can’t—I don’t know how to say what I feel,” he admitted. “You change my life every day. Maybe that’s all there is to it.”
The look in his eyes as he said this reached something very deep inside you—something that had been waiting for him every day for the past seven years, and all the years before that.
You wrapped your arms around his neck and rested your head on his shoulder.
“I love you,” you said again.
“I love you,” he replied, pressing his forehead to yours.
You felt his chest move as he breathed, and you closed your eyes again. You knew now that this was your safe space.
Contrary to Jungkook, who needed company to drown out the noises in his head, you were very fond of your solitude. Being alone with your thoughts provided you with a sense of security that you could never find with other people—because, as much as you loved them, they were still other people.
Jungkook did not feel like other people. He felt like you, as much as you felt like you. And right now, with the water running from his skin to yours, you felt calm. Easy. Solid, but serene.
He was your safe space.
“I have a meeting with the executives when we get to Paris,” you whispered, your words barely audible over the running water. “And—also the law team.”
He stilled in your arms for just a moment, then his fingers went back to their race against the water on your lower back.
“They set a date?” he asked.
“Yeah,” you said. “The day after tomorrow, before your first show in Paris. Nine in the morning.”
“Oh.”
Taking a deep breath, you said, “I’m going to tell them we’re together.”
He pulled back a little and waited until you lifted your head so he could look at you.
“Okay,” he said. “Are you sure?”
The question was painful. You made a mental note to show more confidence when you gave him the answers that he wanted—because these were the answers that you wanted, too.
“I’m sure,” you affirmed.
He nodded, running the tips of his fingers over the ends of your hair. “Should we—um, do you want to—”
“Let’s meet after,” you said, answering his half-question.
“Yeah? Coffee?” he asked.
You nodded. “Definitely.”
He leaned into you again, inhaling the smell of the lilac-scented soap on your neck as his arms found their way back around your waist, and he hummed against your shoulder.
“You know…” he murmured. “If I had your playlist, it’d be easier for me to wait until your meeting was over.”
Your cheeks stretched before you could stop your smile. “What playlist?”
The circles he was tracing on your back turned teasing, chaotic. He felt you squirm at the tickling sensation.
“Don’t play dumb with me now,” he whispered. “Give me the link.”
You pulled back and squeezed his forearms to get him to stop moving his hands over your sides.
“Say please?” you said.
The request took him a little off guard, but his surprise quickly shifted into an impressed grin.
“Hmm,” he said. “Is that how you want me? On my knees and begging?”
You shrugged, trying to fight against the fog from the shower as it began to gather in your head. “I do sort of like the image of that.”
“Please?” he said—right away.
You watched him for a second, your chest alight with flames, and you decided that with the subtle curve of his lips and the sparkle in his eyes, right now was the most beautiful he’d ever looked. It wouldn’t last, though. You were sure he’d take your breath away again tomorrow.
“Mm, I’m not convinced,” you said. “Say it with your chest.”
He poked his cheek with his tongue, giving his head a slight shake. “You’re lucky I love you.”
“I know.”
He shook his head again, then took a deep breath and pouted his lips.
“Please let me listen to the playlist you made about me,” he said, making sure to keep his voice devastated. “Please, please, plea—”
“Alright,” you said.
He was already about to start arguing, but he closed his mouth and grinned instead.
“Oh,” he said. “That was easy.”
You gasped, but the offence that barely appeared on your laid-back features made him chuckle. Stepping back, you gave him a look that was only stern in theory—there was no serious substance in the soft shade of your eyes.
“Don’t make me change my mind,” you warned.
“You can’t,” he replied, pulling you back into him. He seemed to know no other way: you were very close, and his hands were free. Naturally, he was going to reach for you. “You made a promise.”
You frowned. “When?”
“When you got into this shower with me.”
Your brows furrowed further. “I didn’t promise you anything.”
“You did,” he insisted. He was grinning mischievously and his eyes were narrowed—you could guess what he would say next.
You still bit, “alright, what did I promise?”
He looked triumphant.
“To be with me for the rest of my life,” he said.
You clicked your tongue, but your expression was luminous despite your attempts to hide it.
“That has nothing to do with my playlist,” you said, deliberately looking away. “And I don’t remember promising that.”
“Hold on,” he said, turning his head to meet your gaze, and gently lifting your chin to get you to look at him again. “You have objections?”
You had absolutely no objections and he could tell as much from the sparkling in your eyes. But you weren’t going to make this easy for him, and he expected as much.
“I mean, what if you have a change of heart?” you said. “And then having me around for the rest of your life starts to feel more like a curse? Although that’d be fun for me, I imagine. I’d love to mess with you. But it wouldn’t really be fair to you.”
He found the suggestion ridiculous. His heart had your name engraved on it in golden letters. There was no situation, as long as you were with him, that he’d find unfair.
“Unless hell freezes over tomorrow,” he said, “I’d say your odds are good.”
The corners of your lips twitched. “Yeah?”
He nodded. “Having you with me will always be a blessing.”
The clumsy cartwheels of your erratic heart forced you to look away again, and you tsked, making his smile widen with each disapproving shake of your head.
“You know, you say things sometimes,” you said, “and I know you know exactly what you’re doing.”
“Really?” His voice was exuberant. “Are you swooning for me, then?”
You grimaced. “I wouldn’t call it swoo—”
“Getting weak in the knees?”
“I don’t get weak in the knees.”
“No?” he teased. “But I’m literally holding you up right now.”
You glanced down, as if to check, and took a moment before raising your head again.
“That’s—for different reasons,” you said, and remained, very comfortably, right in his arms.
“Different reasons,” he repeated thoughtfully. “Such as?”
You did not spare him a glance. “Maybe I just enjoy having you so close.”
His grin was so proud, so radiant that you could see it without looking at him. It was loud, too; it drowned out the sounds of the shower and all sensations of the hot water on your skin.
“Oh,” he said, drawing you closer to his chest in one remarkably swift motion. “Now you’ve done it.”
You craned your neck to meet his gaze. “Done what?”
“Now I’m never letting you go,” he said, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. “Literally.”
You chuckled softly and allowed him to drown you in his touch. It didn’t matter anyway—you couldn’t breathe very well unless you felt him next to you.
“That’s hardly possible,” you teased. “We’re very busy people.”
“I’ll make it possible,” he said. You remembered having a similar conversation with him before, but he had significantly more confidence in his voice now. “We got Sid fucking arrested. Everything else is easy. I can figure out how to keep you right next to me for every second of every day for as long as we both live.”
You were a little concerned that so many years had passed since you met, and the butterflies in your stomach only seemed to grow larger, bolder, and much more restless with every passing day.
“I still don’t think that’s possible,” you replied quietly, “but I don’t mind seeing you try.”
“Good,” he said, lifting his head to look at you. “You know I’ve never lost a single challenge I’ve accepted.”
You lifted one eyebrow, amused by his claim.
“Technically,” you said, “you lost the bet to Sid.”
“Oh—” the syllable got caught somewhere in his throat. “Fuck.”
He looked almost appalled, and he suddenly felt a little nauseous, too.
“Too soon?” you asked. Your lips twitched as you fought back against your laughter.
He dug his teeth into his lower lip and wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, maybe a bit.”
“Oh, no,” you whined. “Should we avoid talking about it? Is this a taboo topic?”
He watched your theatrics and realised that anything that didn’t kill you really did make the two of you stronger, because he had convinced himself that he’d never survive the aftermath of the bet—and now you were teasing him about it.
“No,” he said. “No, you’re right. In the grand scheme of things, I’ve done far stupider shit to have you with me again, so we should be able to joke about this.”
“Exactly,” you agreed, grinning. “At least you didn’t get a concussion this time.”
Jungkook didn’t think that not having a concussion was what made this better. Although, to be fair, he hardly remembered anything after the forgotten kettle fell on his head while he was trying to plan a date night for you—but really, you were more hurt by his pain when he told you about it years later than he was in the moment it happened.
“I hurt you, though,” he said slowly. “That’s worse.”
You gave a firm shake of your head.
“It wasn’t the bet that hurt me,” you said. “But you fixed every problem that did. We actually put one of them in the back of a police car tonight. And you and I learnt how to talk to each other in the process. Look at us now.”
He felt his heart pick up speed, but he was still hesitant to agree. He didn’t think he’d ever have the right to make the first joke about the bet, however harmless it could seem years from now.
He nodded slowly. “Hmm.”
“Next step is learning how to shut up,” you added.
Looking up from the tiles of the shower floor, he took a moment to register the playful glint in your eyes.
“Is—is that supposed to be directed at me?” he asked, squinting.
“No, I meant that in general,” you replied. “But if the shoe fits…”
He scoffed, sliding one of his hands down your arm to intertwine your fingers.
“Oh, if the shoe fits,” he repeated. “Alright. Did you go to Jin’s school of comebacks?”
“I did,” you played along. “And graduated with honours.”
He nodded. “I can see that. Teacher’s pet much?”
“Very much.”
His grin was criminal, and you wanted nothing more than to feel it pressed against your lips.
“Well,” he said, bringing your hands to his shoulders and pulling you closer, “I do enjoy it when you listen to me. And when you do what I tell you.”
“Hmm.” You ran your tongue over your lips, and he was thoroughly infatuated with the look in your eyes at the moment. “That implies you’re the teacher in our relationship.”
“Am I not?”
“You haven’t taught me anything.”
He snorted, dignified. “I’ve taught you plenty.”
“Name one thing you taught me,” you challenged, but you were smiling at him, and he struggled to keep his train of thought when he looked at you.
“I—well, I taught you to play guitar, didn’t I?” he said.
You frowned, baffled by his interpretation of the word “teach.” You remembered the nights when Jungkook tried to learn guitar, and you were forced to listen to him whine about how there had to be something wrong with him—because, of course, if he couldn’t immediately excel at something, that had to mean that he was the problem.
“Is that what you think you were doing when you were learning it yourself?” you asked. “Because not only did you break all six strings, but the neighbours started banging on the radiators, and we—”
“Okay, okay,” he interrupted. The night you were talking about wasn’t his best, but he’d improved considerably since then. “I also taught you how to fight.”
“And then forbade me from punching Sid,” you countered. “Doesn’t count if I can’t use it.”
He rolled his eyes. You waited for another example, even though he was notoriously terrible at teaching others—to be fair, he rarely ever had to learn things himself; usually, they really did come naturally to him—but Jungkook stayed quiet for a few minutes.
“Well,” he finally said, “I taught you how to stop running from your feelings.”
“You—” you stopped your instinctive rebuttal and took a moment to look down and calm your heart instead. “Okay. Yeah. I suppose you did teach me that.”
“That’s right,” he said, happy to finally gloat. “Be a good student for me, and kiss me now.”
You looked up, distracted but amused. “Oh. Is this assignment going to affect my final grade?”
“Mhmm. It’s worth 75%.”
“Hmm. So, I have to put in some effort, I guess.”
He nodded while his hands roamed on your skin absentmindedly. “Might take you all night to finish it.”
“I don’t know...” you said. “I was never very good at pulling all-nighters.”
“Maybe that can be something else I teach you,” he murmured, close enough to touch your lips with his own as he spoke.
You whispered back, “maybe,” and he chose to reply by finally pressing his lips to yours.
He kissed you like he would countless times in the future, and the teasing promises of forever seemed to solidify inside you, like invisible tattoos that ran across your souls. And you remembered, because how could you not, about the first kiss that led you to this moment.
It was seven years ago, at the end of your second date, after you got back from the carnival where he claimed to have asked you to be his girlfriend. He had whined about not being able to walk you to your door after your first date—you were both wet from the rain, and he wasn’t allowed into your dormitory—so you snuck him in this time.
But he got too nervous in the end – he walked you to your door, hiding his trembling hands in his front pockets, and said goodbye to you, all while nearly suffocating from his anxiety. He’d already started to walk away, but then stopped abruptly and turned back. You were still standing there, watching him, your hands not reaching for the door handle. You looked like you knew he was going to turn around.
He reached you in two quick strides and connected your lips with so much force that your back hit the wall. He cupped your cheek with one hand and placed the other one on the wall behind you—and your breath never made it out, losing its way somewhere in his mouth. You’d kissed him back, your body trapped between the wall and his chest, and you thought you’d never feel quite as dizzy as this again.
Years later, in the shower of his hotel room in London, Jungkook kissed you again and again and again, and his lips still made your breath hitch, still made the room spin out of control.
He kissed you and every single time, the feeling of his lips on yours made your head feel light. He kept one of his hands on your cheek, the other one on the wall behind you—like that very first time—and you remembered wishing, seven years ago, that the night wouldn’t end. That he would stay, with his lips locked on yours, his touch warm and silky.
You remembered counting, too, how much time was left until you inevitably had to say goodbye. It had all felt so dramatic back then, so temporary. There was so little time, and so much you still had to do, so much you still wanted.
Tonight, the edges of the sky outside the small, shaded bathroom window were turning red; the sun was rising.
You counted again – there were five minutes left in this night, and you already had everything you wanted.
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chapter title credits: bad omens, “feral”
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luveline · 1 month
Note
i hope you’re feeling better jade!!🫶🫶
i’d love to request zombie!au steve of when he starts to realize he has feelings for reader if you haven’t already done smth like that
zombie au —Steve has some deep thoughts about you. 1.3k
“How are you feeling?” 
Steve bats a branch out of his face. “I’m okay.” 
“Yeah?” You hold the next branch out of his way. “Sorry, guess I’ve asked you that too many times today.” 
Four times, by his count. Steve takes a deep breath, the warm summer air filling his nose, the smell of earth and tree bark an assault for the senses. He has the heavy backpack strapped tight against his chest, the buckle rubbing his skin raw. His thin t-shirt offers no protection. Your coats have been packed away in the second backpack hanging from your left shoulder. You carry the canteens on your right, all six of them heavy with fresh water. You don’t complain. 
“I’m fine, I swear,” he says, squinting at the white sky. 
“You won’t say anything if you don’t feel fine. I just… I don’t want you to throw up again, and I think we can avoid it if you take it easy. If you’re not feeling up to it, that is. Not that you’re not feeling up to it.” 
Steve softens at your overexplaining. You’re used to caring about him a lot and having him snap back at you. He can’t explain it, not without deep introspection —is he emasculated? Defensive? Or just worried he can’t take care of you?— so he doesn’t think about it if he can’t help it. 
It’s harder to ignore when you worry about him. 
“I don’t feel sick,” he says, a promise as he bats another low branch aside and guides you into a clearing, where he pauses. 
“Okay, good.” 
Steve spent the last two days throwing up and recuperating in a shack of a house a few miles back. He gave himself food poisoning eating spaghetti hoops he should’ve known were bad. He doesn’t remember the first day in detail, too busy yacking and feverish, but he does remember your hand on his back. Your gentle hand, your careful fingertips. Remembers you stroking hair away from his mouth. 
It was the first time he’d realised you were his friend. It’s a shameful thing, to have been with you for this long, and to have been ignorant to you this whole time. It’s not that Steve thought you were evil, he just never let himself think about you too much. Never enough to think Hey, this girl I’ve brought with me, she’s good to me. She’s kind. 
He knew you were, obviously. It’s complicated. It’s giving him a headache. 
“Maybe we should stop here.” 
A few days ago he would’ve said No way, are you dumb? You can’t stop here, a clearing doesn’t protect you from the elements, nor a hoard, but he knows you know those things and peacocking his survival skills won’t actually keep you safe. 
He has to stop being in survival mode. Or, in huge jerk mode. 
The feeling of your face pressed to his chest as you slept, each exhale a warmth that settled him. Later, your hand feeling against his forehead, sure he was asleep. You love him. He’s not sure what kind of love, but you do. And he loves you, too, but he’s not sure what kind of love it is either. He estimates that it’s the feeling that comes with surviving a traumatic event (or, in your case, many events) together, caring for each other, tending to each others wounds, mixed with the beginning of a crush. 
Like, he loves you in that he cares very, very deeply for you, and would be wrecked now if something happened to you, but he’s not in love. Not yet. 
He looks out over the clearing. Finally, some clarity.
Steve turns to you and knows he might fall in love with you.  
“I think we should keep going. The tree cover is better, in case it rains again tonight. Maybe the heat’ll break, I don’t know. And I don’t like this, I feel like we could get ambushed from any angle.” He tries not to waver in his explanation. 
“A little rain would be nice,” you say, wiping your eyebrows, “I don’t know about that ambush theory.” 
“Oh, you don’t?” he asks. 
“What are the trees gonna stop?” you ask. 
He recognises an urge to pinch your side and stomps it down. “I don’t know, okay? Leave me alone, my head hurts.” 
“Want some tylenol?” 
He accepts. You walk for another hour or so through the woods until you can see the dark asphalt of a highway. They’re more intimidating, and so you backtrack for fifteen minutes and set up camp beside an incline. It’ll protect you from one angle, at least. 
“You okay?” you ask again. 
Steve lets the canteen he’d been holding fall into his lap. “What can I tell you to make you stop asking me?” he asks genuinely. He doesn’t want you to worry this much about him. 
“We could go back in time and stop you from eating those spaghetti shapes,” you say. 
He likes the way you say it. You look behind you suspiciously, spreading your jacket out and laying the backpack on it before you lie down. You face toward him, your eyes half-lidded. 
You hate the idea of bugs crawling into your hair or ears. Steve bites his lip. 
“What?” you ask. 
“You can lie on me, if you want.” 
“I’m not going to sleep yet, don’t worry.” You curl into yourself. “Let’s make a fire tonight. I know spoiled food is spoiled no matter what, but I think heating that soup’ll give it less chance of upsetting your stomach. It’ll taste nicer, too.” 
“Yeah,” he says quietly. “Just a small one, though, when it’s really dark. We’ll stay up.”
“Okay.” You smile, wide and subtly beautiful. 
Is this because you held his hair back while he was sick? Could it be something that minimal? 
You reach across leaf litter to play with his shoelace. After a few minutes, you curl your fingers around the loop. 
You’re starved for touch. He knows how much of a difference it makes at night when he ushers your face into his lap, hand behind your shoulders to hold you. He’s never not given you affection when he thought you needed it, even when he began to suspect you liked him as more than a companion. You’ve never taken advantage of this fact. If you like him, you don’t burden him with it. If anything, your growing crush has made you shier. You're more self conscious. 
He takes your hand. “You already have dirt on your hands,” he says, rubbing your fingers. If you’re hands are dirty, he can’t see it. 
“Your shoe,” you explain. 
He rubs at nothing. Then he holds it just to hold it, feeling the weight of it in his. 
It’s a relief to realise he likes you. He’s confused, but it feels good at the same time. You’re a very easy person to like, even if he’s insisted otherwise before. You can ask questions he finds irrelevant and self explanatory, but for every agitating misunderstanding, you’ve a moment of sweetness. 
You can disagree with him a thousand times, and it doesn’t change how moments like this make him feel. Like he’s found a rare slice of peace. Your arm goes limp, your hand his to do with as he pleases, and he can finally take a breather for the day. 
“Are you okay?” he asks. “You’ve been asking me all day, but I didn’t ask you.”
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah?”
“Mm.” 
“How’s your mouth?” he asks. You get toothache from grinding your teeth in your sleep. Some nights, it makes you cry. 
“Fine, really. Doesn’t hurt.”
“How’s your head?” he asks, giving your hand a weak squeeze. 
Your lips twitch, eyes fluttering with something he doesn’t know. “I’m fine, Steve. Great, all things considered. I’m glad you’re not sick anymore.” 
He threads his fingers through yours. “Yeah, me too.” 
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zoropookie · 26 days
Text
SWEET MELODY
☆ chapter fifteen — you need help (🎂)
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Even if you felt an eery aura linger in the air, you counted on the warmer part of who you know to dispel it. Beidou was always that answer to you.
It’s been a while since you and her had some time to reflect on the weight of their shared past. The bakery was too busy nowadays to fathom the concept of meeting each other’s time together, any real conversation or emotions that wasn’t over text. Finding time was a simple rarity you didn’t even know you had, even lost in your own thoughts.
“You’ve got guts, kid,” Beidou paused, her eyes stared directly at the road, unmoving even once. She leaned back, the soft shuffle of her seat and clothes breaking the silence. Expression hardly there but a small smile, you turned towards her. “Not everyone is lucky to get this far.”
You looked back to the dashboard of the car, “I don’t think I’m following, I’m sorry.”
“When was the last time you got the chance to revisit your past…say, in a more effective way?” Beidou’s smile faded, more thoughtful and pondering. “Is that letter even helping you?”
You swallowed as the lump built in your throat. “Kazuha’s voice isn’t there anymore when I read it, but it’s still his handwriting.” You tried to rationalize, even though you knew Beidou was right. This letter was the only thing you could even date back to or his voice without revisiting baby photos and videos.
“I don’t know your situation,” Beidou said, still in mere wonder. “I don’t even know if this will help you in your hunt, but there’s a reason why you won’t go through your mom’s room. Don’t want to question it. I took the job of helping you out.”
“It’s okay, you were here when I needed it the most, I at least owe you an explanation.”
“Stop doing that, you owe yourself something none of us need, at the end of the day. When was the last time someone’s ever heard you out on how you feel other than your therapist?” Beidou’s tone was rough, but with little malcontent.
“I feel like that’s where I should put it anyway, all the meaty things,” You lowered your head. “It doesn’t take anything except my thoughts away, which was the point, I think? I don’t know…I think it’s better than letting someone else handle that baggage.”
Beidou didn’t answer you right away, allowing the silence settle between the both of you. A low hum of the car’s engine filling what was left of their thoughts. When she finally made out her words, she spoke quietly, almost contemplative. “You’re a very kind person to me. The least I can do for you is listen to what you have to say. It’s not like anyone else has the thought to.”
You didn’t know much about what people around you thought, having been so nestled in your own head that everything else you had going on seemed too much to ask from people. So as you began to hard focus on your thoughts, you began feeling the weight of grief settle over you. A heavy fog of regret, what’s been lost along with the heart you had, sharp and twisting in your wake, sensations that made it harder to forget now that it was back to the surface.
Your eyes welled, brain sending sharp signals to your fingertips, wet tear ducts, heart clutching in ruin. “Kazuha asked me…once she died if I wanted to leave her room alone or look through it so we could keep things in it. Looking at her room was really painful, but it was the way she left it and I didn’t want to change it. My mom really liked painting and would always paint every photo she took of us, even when the both of us wouldn’t pay attention to the photo. In those moments, mom would find strength to raise us again, even when she was still dying.”
Beidou reached over, hand finding yours on the console and giving it a squeeze of support. “We left it the way it was. I can’t go in that room ever again, not while she’s not there.” Your words poured out in liquid babble, unable to control your running lips. “I lost most of my forevers.”
Beidou squeezed at your hand ever so slightly after pulling up to her home, anchoring the weight of the situation with just a sympathetic sigh. “You’re too hard on yourself, kid. It’s disappointing,” She steadily said, “I just hope this tape makes you feel better.”
“Tape?” You blinked your wet lashes, looking up. You had to admit, your heart started sinking.
“Come inside.” Beidou could only answer with, opening the car door and locking it once you exited.
You weren’t a frequent guest of Beidou’s house, mainly because Kazuha was the sole one to come over here, but when you did have the access you venerated at the work. The home stood at a more narrow street and it was painted with a navy blue, almost black, the coating of the home standing proud and alive with the weathered fading giving it a story to tell. She walked you through the uneven path of cobblestone, moss lurking and steadily growing in the crevices.
Leading to the porch, a broad and sturdy platform that could have easily been the bow of an ancient ship dated back from centuries creaked under your feet. You entered the room to Beidou’s home, looking in amazement at tacked up world maps that were aging gradually in the living room. “Wow…” You couldn’t help but drawl.
“Like it? Things didn’t really change in the past few years, just got older.” She met in front of the shelves after setting her things down on the couch. Shelves crammed with books extending floor to ceiling, spines of the tomes cracked, faded. She took out a box, labeled with big red letters something you couldn’t exactly make out, but became ‘CONFIDENTIAL’ once she got closer.
“No, yeah! It looks amazing! Now I know why Kazuha always used to come here.” You chirped, admiring the work that was done compared to when you were last here. You sat down on the soft couch, your heart full in your body, but you didn’t know if it was from anxiousness or general expectancy.
“Here,” Beidou said, her eyes meeting yours with a more serious outlook. “Me, Kazuha, and a few other friends made this time capsule in high school. It was time to open it up, and…none of us wanted to touch his stuff, so we wanted to give his tape to you. He recorded it a long time ago, just thought maybe they’d help you remember some things.”
Your breath caught in your throat, fingers trembling while you reached your hand out to open the now cleaner box that was probably buried. You looked in, there were multiple tapes that he put in this box, some looking more wear and tear than others.
Fingers grazed against the plastic of the tape, with the words in your brother’s handwriting of his name. Beidou moved the old cassette player sitting in the corner for you to put it in. With a heavy heart, you picked up one of the tapes and entered it, deftly sliding it into the player and pressing play.
The TV lit up automatically, a moment of static in your veins, as your eyes glued to the screen. Your shoulders dropped at the familiar sight of your and Kazuha’s old school.
The camera in the moment was moving aggressively around until an unidentified voice started calling. “Kazuha, this is your tape! Say something funny!” The voice caught his attention on the screen.
His confused eyes looked around, almost expecting more of an answer. “Well, I need more than that. Give me something to make a joke about.”
“That’s the thing, it’s supposed to be on the spot!”
“I know nobody who’s able to make a joke on the spot without getting made fun of.” Kazuha replied, his soft voice ringing in your ears.
“You know damn well Kazuha has no capability of writing anything on the spot other than HAIKUS ABOUT LEAVES.” Beidou’s younger voice rang in the footage, “Leave him alone! Go find someone else to torment!” She said, her hand covering the screen.
“I DIDN’T EVEN SAY ANYTHING—”
The tape ended, your eyes were slowly filling with tears as you scrambled to take the tape out and put another one in. Each tape you watched, Beidou would make certain comments or give a laugh, letting you know of the good times they had, but all you could think about was how fortunate you were to be listening to these right now. Revelry of your brother’s successions, watching him to find a way to cope while he’s gone.
“(Y/N)! Li— listen to me,” Kazuha said in the tape, him looking at the screen while in the background there’s chaos of a New Year’s Eve party. It caused you to widen your eyes, distraught. He looked a little tipsy, his cheeks reddened in the video, but his look still remained soft. “You had a hard time tonight without your ex. You’ll be older one day. And when you do get there…realize that happiness is the most fundamental element of finding who you are. You are anything but a facade of the people who came before and after you, but an amalgamation of why you’re respected among many. Keep your dreams, keep your mind. You’re the strongest person I know…! I love you. Be that person through all tribulations.”
After that, Kazuha stared at the screen, spaced out from how much he drank at that party. But eventually someone called him over and he shut off the tape. Your body wracked into shambles, crying out after the tears built up so much in your eyes that you spilled oceans.
Everything, and you mean everything came back to you. You remembered the Sunday mornings that you two would take care of the old oak tree, you remember when your mother would join you two to bake tiny treats together, there was a rule in the home where if you wanted to have sweets you must make them yourself. You remember the laughs, the smiles, Kazuha’s joy seeing you, your mother’s joy knowing you were happy.
You remembered how soft Kunikuzushi used to be, even if it was a now fleeting memory in your heart. You had to move on.
You wailed once the tape cut off. “Beidou,” Your voice trembled helplessly, moving your body over to claw at her shirt, feeling yourself get lightheaded. “Beidou, we have to find him! We have to!” You panicked, shoulders shaking from how hard you cried. “He’s out there somewhere…he wants me to find him!”
Beidou sat there stunned as she wrapped her arms around you, who was clawing at her shirt valiantly. Steadying your shaking frame, she rested her chin gently atop your head. “Yeah,” She said, knowing the floodgates were opened at last. “We’ll find him.”
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THERE ARE not many things that can sway your interest ever since the "incident", but in spite of that, you pushed forward. you are now the owner of the biggest bakery chain in your city, consistently seeing couples and catering to them as such. you've been a big host at weddings, events for celebrities, and even a big support for your friends and family. you've even earned yourself a niche following as well by how sweet you are to everybody around you. but, even with your kindness, you don't have a particular spark that keeps you going anymore these days. that is until one of your employees starts suggesting you write love letters to customers who request your services. at first you thought it was a horrible idea that could easily turn into trouble, but that was until you were tasked with writing one to your own (very very famous) ex-boyfriend.
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mysteria157 · 8 months
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Fic Masterlist
Pairing: Nanami Kento x Black Female Reader
Genre: Fluffy Smutty Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy/Sort of Enemies to Lovers AU
CW: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Baby Daddy Nanami Kento, Unplanned Pregnancy, Slow Burn, Minor Character Death, Angst/Hurt/Comfort, Smut, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Oral Sex, MINORS DNI
©mysteria157, all rights reserved. DO NOT copy, plagiarize, reupload, modify, or translate (without permission) my work to other accounts and platforms.
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Summary: 
You probably shouldn’t have slapped him.
But you didn’t care. He deserved it after days of dismissive remarks and hard glares to everything you worked so hard for.
“I’m pregnant. I don’t want your help. I don’t need your help. The fact that you’re the father is more than enough to keep me away from you.”
or: Despite your differences and frustrations with one another, you share a drunk but passionate night tangled in the sheets. But now, five weeks later, you and Nanami Kento have no choice but to navigate a rocky relationship while also embracing the new responsibilities of parenthood that lay ahead.
Author’s Notes: This is my very first fic and a WIP. I have two more chapters left. This entire process has been a journey and there will always be things that I can improve on. But for now, please enjoy. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I love writing it! <3
~Those Moments In Between - moments that take place during and after It Had To Be You.~
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Chapter Summaries:
Thank you all for coming on this journey with me. Feel free to leave a comment to let me know your thoughts. Or send me a message if you want! Love you all <3
Chapter 1: Your life comes to a startling halt when you realize the abrasive and dismissive man you shared a passionate but drunken night with is now the father of your child.
Chapter 2: That first day when you meet him, you’re bright eyed and ready to work alongside him, filled with so many ideas that will benefit the company. Him, Nanami Kento, a highly esteemed director that always made your stomach flip in desire. But it turns out, he’s not what you thought. Flashback
Chapter 3: When it comes to work, Nanami likes to follow a specific code for people like you. And he would like to think it’s working so far. But one too many drinks and things change. Flashback
Chapter 4: When you think you’re a step ahead to keep Nanami out of your way, your world comes crashing down and makes it harder for you to decide to break the news.
Chapter 5: You want nothing to do with him. Nanami wants to make the right decision. 
Chapter 6: You catch subtle glimpses of another side of Nanami. You both come together to meet the life you have created together. A traumatic part of your life makes itself known. 
Chapter 7: Pregnancy hormones get the best of you. You are given a big opportunity in your company. But it’s not what it seems.
Chapter 8: You deal with the fallout. An unexpected visitor puts your life in jeopardy. Nanami tries to pick up the pieces. 
Chapter 9: You make a life change and show a side of yourself that you never wanted to entertain. Nanami asks you to dinner. 
Chapter 10: You catch a glimpse of the growing life within. A home cooked meal and a searing kiss.
Chapter 11: Nanami gifts you with something that sets a new course in your life. When confessions are finally laid on the table, you both give in.
Chapter 12: A vulnerable moment with each other. A baby shower. An accident that throws Nanami’s life in disarray.
Chapter 13: You and Nanami navigate through grief.
Chapter 14: A birthday, a confession, and a new addition.
Chapter 15: You and Nanami navigate through the first months of parenthood. Nanami gives you an amazing birthday gift. A surprising encounter with someone from Nanami’s past makes you unsure of yourself.
Chapter 16:  The last person you ever wanted to see pries into your life. Nanami makes a life changing decision. Your hard work finally pays off.
Chapter 17: You work hard to bring life to something dear to Nanami.
Chapter 18: You help Nanami on the anniversary of Yu's death. Nanami finally works up his courage during a warm day of Sakura season.
Chapter 19 (Epilogue): Things finally come together.
**Do not plagiarize any of my works or translate without my permission!**
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vashs-turtleneck · 5 months
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Not So Sneaky.
✧ Dad!Vash Drabble
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Rating: EXPLICIT (18+ ONLY)
Summary: You and Vash try to take advantage of a quiet evening, but things never go quite as planned. Pairing: Vash the Stampede x f!reader WC: 1.1k CW: post trimax, pwp, p in v sex, cumming inside, slight breeding kink, daddy kink. AN: another one I wrote at work lmao I love getting paid to write smut
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“I love you,” Vash mutters against the column of your throat, his lips tracing a wet path up to your jaw.
The moons hang up high in the starry sky. It's quiet, save for the gentle creaking of the worn bed, a pillow shoved between the headboard and the wall to keep it from smacking the surface every time he pushes his hips forward. You'd both much rather not be interrupted and take advantage of the peaceful night. Nights like these are a rare treat nowadays, after all.
“I love you so much.”
Vash pulls back from your chest and sits up on his knees, keeping your calves perched over his shoulders as he savors the graceful sight of your body rippling every time his pelvis slaps against your ass. His eyes look lower, following the black and blonde path of his happy trail down to the base of his cock, watching shamelessly as he pulls back to the tip before slamming right back in over and over again.
“So beautiful, mayfly,” he mutters, his voice quiet and strained. “Always so beautiful for me.”
He takes in the gorgeous sight of you all spread out and so pliable beneath him with your expression contorting into something euphoric. It's enough to break his last ounce of restraint, his patchwork chest trembling with every deep breath he takes. With a deep rumbling groan, he leans back over you, keeping your knees slung over the broad shelf of his shoulders.
“Gonna come, baby. Ah f-fuck! Gonna come!” Vash whimpers with a desperate and pleading edge to his tone. “Can I… inside? Can I come inside, mayfly? Please,” he begs.
“You're gonna get me pregnant at this rate, daddy,” you tease, your voice wobbling from feeling his cock hitting you in all the right places despite your best efforts, and Vash practically growls against the shell of your ear at your response.
“Yes! Yes, please! Want it so bad. Wanna fill you up so good!” he moans brokenly, pressing his forehead to yours and shutting his eyes tightly, his teeth gritting together as he tries to delay the inevitable.
“Let me put a baby in you. Please, angel. Wanna get you pregnant so bad!”
He looks up at you, his pleading eyes brimming with tears. With a look like that, you'll give him anything and everything he wants.
“Want it too, love. Come inside me. Please, come inside me, daddy!” you whimper meagerly, your hand tangling in his long dark hair and tugging, pulling a choked, angelic whine from his pretty lips and exposing the lovely bob of his Adam's apple.
His hips move more fiercely, the sound of his hips crashing against yours filling the room. The sounds you're making are far louder than you mean them to be, but you're both too beautifully blissed out to notice as he chases that euphoric high he can only get from the warmth of your body.
“Mmph– you're gonna come. I can feel it. Fuck, your pussy is massaging my cock so good, baby!” Those beaming azure eyes flutter open and look right at you, not wanting to miss even a second of your pleasure.
“Come on my cock. Come with me, mayfly! I'm begging you!”
His hands rest on either side of your head, tightly gripping at the pillows as he builds you both up to your peaks. Your back arches off the bed, your mouth falling open in a silent moan, your eyes shutting tightly as you feel that coil inside you about to burst, and you can tell he feels the same.
You're right there. You're both right there.
But he pauses suddenly and goes completely stiff, halting your oncoming orgasm and robbing you of the delicious feeling of his stuttering hips.
“A-Ah, no…wha-” you whine out in confusion, the denial of your release almost enough to bring you to tears. You buck your hips against his, your body aching for climax, but as you open your eyes, ready to give your husband an earful, you go silent, the burning need in your body immediately put on the backburner. 
His eyes are wide, unblinkingly staring at the empty space above your head. His dark brows are scrunched together, willing himself to quiet his heavy breaths and listening intently to the dead silence in the air.
“Vash? What's wrong?” you whisper, your hand coming up to cradle his scruffy cheek, running your thumb over that cute mole under his eye. 
He stays quiet for another few moments, unmoving, unspeaking, and every second he stays silent fills you with anxiety. What's going on? Does he hear something? You try to listen too, but your ears aren't as sharp as his. It's just… quiet.
Before your mind can start spiraling too much, Vash's body relaxes. He lets out the breath he was holding and hangs his head down, sighing in defeat before he turns his head back and towards the door of your shared bedroom.
“Kids! Back to bed!” he shouts.
It's then that you hear the gentle pitter patter of two pairs of feet echoing through the hallways, followed by the quiet whisperings between your first and second child.
“How does he always know!?” the little one utters in disbelief.
“Shh! Quiet, Nico!” your eldest mutters back, no quieter than her brother before she calls back out to her father, “But Papa, we're hunting for ghosts!”
“Not tonight, loves. Bedtime. Don't make me say it again.”
“Aww, man…” they both say in unison.
The two of you listen to your children's footsteps, hearing them walk away on creaky wooden floorboards all the way back to their rooms, until their doors are shut and you know that tonight's ghost hunting operation has been successfully shut down.
When he hears the clicks of the doors, Vash turns back to you, letting his body slump over yours and sighing, pressing the weight of himself on top of you with his face nuzzled to your neck.
Not even a moment of peace in the dead of night for a couple of parents.
“You had to use your dad voice a little bit,” you chuckle, running your hand through his raven hair.
Vash laughs breathily against you, shifting up to look you properly in the eyes.
“Where do they get these ideas from?” he asks, exasperated but undeniably amused by his little ones' late night shenanigans.
“I told you they've inherited your… eccentrism.” 
“Wish they'd inherit less of my quirks,” Vash chuckles. “At least they got your brains.”
“Well I love your quirks,” you coo, pulling him in by the jaw for a brief and tender kiss. “You sure you want more, daddy? They're already a handful.”
“Absolutely I do,” he whispers hoarsely without even a hint of hesitation, moving his hands to the backs of your thighs, folding you in half and parting your legs further, letting you feel the fullness of his cock.
“And you're just asking for it, calling me ‘daddy’ over and over like that.”
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divider source.
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oceandolores · 1 month
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𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 | chapter 7
Dbf! Joel Miller x female reader
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"𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸?"
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summary: you can't get enough of him, and he wants more of you
warnings: 18+ only, Minors DNI, AU, No outbreak. (TW) mentions of substance abuse/alcohol use disorder, adult content, religion abuse, violence, blood gore, mentions of death, sexual abuse, sexual content, domestic violences, ped0ph!l1a, cann1bal!sm, human traff1ck1ng, dad's best friend!Joel, HUGE age gap (i will not specify her exact age, but she's legal and Joel is 49), daddy issues, mentions of toxic family dynamic, Joel is widowed, Ellie is 16, angst, smut A LOT, forbidden relationship, soft and protective Joel, innocent and pure reader. your last name is Gibson. any other details will be explain throughout the story. inspired by the album Preacher's daughter by Ethel Cain and also mix with lana del rey vibes.
CHAPTER 7
masterlist of the series!
previous | chapter 6
next | chapter 8
The days after you and Joel finally crossed that line were a blur of stolen moments and lingering touches. You found yourself craving him in ways you hadn’t before, your thoughts constantly drifting back to the feel of his hands on your skin, the warmth of his breath against your ear. Every moment spent apart felt like an eternity, and you wondered how you’d ever managed without him.
For Joel, the realization that he had given in to his desires was both exhilarating and terrifying. You were like the forbidden fruit—sweet, tempting, and utterly irresistible. He knew the danger of indulging in something that was not meant to be his, yet every time he thought of you, he felt a pull that was impossible to resist. You had become a part of him, woven into the fabric of his thoughts and desires, and he was powerless to fight it.
The guilt gnawed at him, whispering that this was wrong, that he should be stronger, that he should protect you, not give in to the very thing that could destroy you both. But like the serpent in the garden, you had offered him a taste of something he had long denied himself, and now that he had taken it, there was no going back.
You were his Eve, the one who had tempted him to take a bite of the apple, and now, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get enough. Every touch, every kiss felt like a forbidden indulgence, and yet, the more he had, the more he wanted. He was a man who had long believed himself to be beyond redemption, and yet, in your arms, he found a kind of salvation, even as he knew it might be the very thing that damned him.
The nights you spent together were filled with a passion that neither of you had ever known before. Joel was gentle, always so careful with you, as if you might break under the weight of his desire. But there was also a hunger in him, a need that seemed to grow with every touch, every whispered word. You were like a drug to him, intoxicating and addictive, and no matter how much he had, it was never enough.
But as the days passed, that small voice in the back of his mind grew louder, reminding him of the consequences, of the pain that could come from this, the inevitable fallout when the world discovered what they had done. He knew he was in deep, that this wasn’t just a fling, that his feelings for you ran deeper than he had ever expected. He had been so careful for so long, keeping everyone at arm’s length, building walls around his heart to protect himself from the hurt he knew too well. But with you, those walls had crumbled, and he was exposed, vulnerable in a way he hadn’t been in years.
You were like a flame, drawing him closer, even as he knew it could burn him. But he couldn’t stop himself. He couldn’t stay away. You were everything he had ever wanted, everything he had ever needed, and now that he had you, he wasn’t sure he could ever let you go.
The dance troupe’s performance was just two days away, and you were supposed to be focused on your routines, on perfecting every move. But all you could think about was Joel, about the way his hands had felt on your skin, the way his lips had tasted against yours. Every time you closed your eyes, you saw him, felt him, and it was driving you wild. You wanted him, needed him in a way that was almost painful, and the thought of going even a few hours without him seemed unbearable.
Joel felt the same. He knew he was playing with fire, that this couldn’t last, that something would have to give eventually. But he didn't want this to stop. And now, he was willing to let it consume him, because the thought of losing you, of going back to the way things were before, was too much to bear. You were his forbidden fruit, his secret sin, and he was addicted to you. No matter how wrong it was, no matter how much he knew he should stop, he couldn’t.
Because you were everything he had ever wanted, everything he had ever needed, and now that he had you, he couldn’t imagine his life without you.
Today another dance practice, as the music filled the church building, you let the rhythm guide your movements, your body swaying gracefully with each note. Jem and Ben watched your group practice from the pews, but your focus was elsewhere. The melody transported you back to the nights you spent with Joel, the memories flooding your senses with a mix of desire and longing.
You closed your eyes, letting the music and the memories intertwine. The church faded away, replaced by the familiar setting of Joel’s house in Houston. You could almost feel the creaking of the bed beneath you, the sounds of your shared passion echoing through the room. His rough hands moved over your skin, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. His beard grazed your neck, sending shivers down your spine.
Each thrust he made was a reminder of how deeply you were connected, how perfectly you fit together. The world outside ceased to exist; there was only Joel and the overwhelming pleasure he brought you. The biblical teachings of your father and the church labeled this as sin, an ultimate transgression before marriage. Yet, in Joel’s arms, it felt nothing like sin. It felt like a divine ecstasy, a taste of heaven.
"If this is the consequence," you thought inside your head, moving with the music, "if this is what sends me to hell, then why does it feel so heavenly with Joel?" The thought was intoxicating, the juxtaposition of sin and salvation blurring in your mind. You couldn’t get enough of it, of him.
The memory was vivid, each detail etched into your mind. You danced faster as the music quickened, your movements becoming more fervent. The tambourine shook in your hand, its jingle a counterpoint to the imagined sounds of your intimate moments with Joel. The sensation of his touch, the heat of his body, the way he made you feel utterly cherished and desired – all of it played out in your mind like a sacred ritual.
Your eyes remained closed, lost in the reverie. You no longer cared if your friends noticed your entranced state, or if Jem and Ben watched with puzzled expressions. The rhythm of the music intertwined with the rhythm of your memories, transporting you back to the nights with Joel.
In your mind, you were back in Joel’s house. His hands were on you, their roughness a stark contrast to the gentleness of his touch. He moved with a deliberate slowness, as if savoring every moment. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “I don’t deserve you.”
You shivered at his words, your body arching into his touch. “You do, Joel.” Your voice was breathless, filled with the intensity of your feelings.
Joel’s response was a deep, satisfied groan. “I need you,” he said, his words a command and a plea. “Let me show you how much.”
The memory of his lips on your skin was almost tangible. You could feel the warmth of his breath against your neck, the way he kissed you with a mixture of passion and reverence. “Yes, Joel,” you murmured, your hands finding his shoulders. “Show me.”
As you danced, the sensations became more vivid. You could feel the weight of him above you, the way he moved with a careful precision, ensuring your pleasure with each thrust. “You’re so good,” he would say, his voice strained with his own desire. “My good girl.”
Your own voice echoed in your mind, a litany of need and surrender. “Please, Joel,” you would beg, your body responding to his every touch. “Don’t stop.”
The music swelled, and your movements became more frenzied, mirroring the crescendo of your memories. You could hear the bed creaking, the sound a testament to the intensity of your passion. Joel’s hands were everywhere, his touch branding you as his.
The heat of his body, the strength in his arms, the way he looked at you as if you were his entire world – it was all-consuming. Each thrust was deliberate, sending waves of pleasure through you. “You’re everything to me,” he whispered, his breath hot against your ear. “I’ll never let you go.”
Your body responded to his every move, the sensations overwhelming. “Joel,” you gasped, your nails digging into his back as the pleasure built. ”Oh, I'm close,"
He groaned, his pace quickening. “I’m here, baby. I’ve got you.” His words were a lifeline, anchoring you in the midst of the storm of sensations.
Your response was a moan of pure need, your body arching into his touch. “Joel, please,” you begged, the words spilling from your lips without thought. “Don’t stop.”
He answered with a deep, throaty groan, his hands gripping your hips as he drove deeper. “Never,” he promised, his voice thick with emotion. As you neared your climax, the world seemed to blur, the only reality being the intense connection between you and Joel. With a final, powerful thrust, you both shattered, your climax washing over you as Joel found his own release, his warmth filling you.
The music in the church reached its crescendo, mirroring the peak of your shared passion. Your body responded to the memory, your movements becoming more fervent and impassioned. And then, as the final notes played, you felt the echo of that release, a sense of completion washing over you.
The music ended, and you heard clapping, pulling you back to the present. The applause was a reminder of where you were, and you opened your eyes, the church coming back into focus. You saw Jem and Ben watching you, their expressions a mix of admiration and curiosity. Your friends were smiling, their faces glowing with the shared joy of the dance.
You took a deep breath, grounding yourself in the present moment. The vivid memories of Joel still lingered, the intensity of your connection with him a comforting presence. As you looked around, you realized that your dance had been more than just a performance – it had been a celebration of the love and passion you shared with Joel.
Jem approached you, a knowing smile on his face. "That was incredible," he said, his voice filled with genuine appreciation. "You really put your heart into that dance."
You nodded, a soft smile tugging at your lips. "Thank you," you replied, your voice steady despite the turmoil within. As you stood in the church, the sacred space, you couldn’t help but think about how your mind had been filled with memories of the unholy. It was as if you were standing in the Garden of Eden, yet your thoughts were consumed with the forbidden fruit.
You couldn’t escape the feeling that your passionate moments with Joel were both a sin and a salvation, a paradox that left you breathless. The church, with its stained glass and solemn aura, was meant to be a place of purity and worship. But here you were, having indulged in the carnal, the profane, and it felt as if you had brought a piece of hell into heaven.
Ben noticed you, his eyes locking onto yours. He gave you a smile, but there was something in his gaze that unsettled you. It was as if he could see through you, as if he knew the unholy thoughts that had been consuming you. Your breath was still ragged, your chest rising and falling with the effort to regain composure.
He approached slowly, his expression curious and knowing. "You were really into that dance," he said, his voice gentle yet probing.
You swallowed hard, nodding. "Yeah, I guess I was."
Ben’s eyes didn’t leave yours, and for a moment, you felt exposed, as if he could see every sinful memory, every intimate detail of your nights with Joel. "You seem... different," he observed. "Like something’s changed."
Your heart pounded, guilt and desire warring within you. "I’ve just been... thinking a lot," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.
Ben’s gaze softened, and he leaned in slightly, his voice low and almost conspiratorial. "We all have our moments of doubt and temptation," he said. "It’s human."
His words were a balm to your troubled soul, but also a reminder of the duality you lived with. The sacred and the profane, the pure and the sinful, all intertwined within you. You were a creature of both light and darkness, standing in a place that demanded only the former.
As Ben stepped back, his eyes still holding that knowing look, you felt a surge of determination. You could balance these two worlds, find a way to reconcile the love you had for Joel with the faith you were raised in. It wouldn’t be easy, but you were willing to try.
After the practice ended, Emma and a couple of your friends said goodbye and left, their laughter and chatter fading as they walked away. Jemima and Ben approached you hand-in-hand, Jemima with her ever-kind smile.
"You did a great job today," she said warmly. "You were really into it. Don't forget tomorrow is our last practice before the big performance on Sunday. I can't wait to see you on stage."
"Thanks, Jem," you replied, trying to muster enthusiasm despite the turmoil within.
They both said goodbye and left, driving away in their car. You stood outside the church, waiting for Joel. Usually, he would be waiting for you, but he had texted earlier, saying he would be late due to work. You were planning to spend the night with Joel, taking advantage of your father's absence. If he were home, sneaking out would be nearly impossible.
As you waited, a sudden voice startled you. "Hey!" It was Jamie. You sprang up from where you were sitting and took a step back, your heart pounding in your chest.
"Wait, please, just listen to me," Jamie called, taking a step towards you.
"Get out of my face, Jamie. I don't want to see you ever again," you snapped, fear and anger mingling in your voice. The memory of what he had done to you, the trauma he had caused, still haunted you.
"Please," Jamie pleaded, his voice desperate. "Just listen to me for a moment. I swear I won't hurt you."
You hesitated, knowing that if listening would make him go away, it was worth it. "What do you want?" you demanded, your voice trembling with suppressed rage.
Jamie took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I regret what I did. Please, don't tell anyone. It would ruin me, ruin my family."
"Sorry?" you echoed, your voice rising. "You hurt me, Jamie. You fucked me over, mentally and physically! You think sorry is going to fix that?"
"Please," Jamie begged, his face a mask of fear and desperation. "I know I messed up. Just don't tell anyone, please."
Your anger flared. "Get out of my fucking face or I'll fucking scream," you threatened, your voice low and deadly. For the first time, Jamie saw the seriousness in your eyes, the fury that had been building up.
Jamie stumbled back, fear evident in his eyes. Without another word, he turned and ran. Moments later, Joel’s truck pulled up. You quickly got into the passenger seat, your body still trembling with anger and fear.
Joel glanced at you, concern etched on his face. Before he could say anything, you leaned over and kissed him hard, your lips crashing into his.
Joel was taken aback but responded instantly, his arms wrapping around you to steady your trembling form. The kiss was a mixture of desperation, anger, and a need to feel something other than the fear Jamie had instilled in you. You pulled back, your eyes meeting Joel’s, and in a voice that was barely a whisper, you said, "Just take me away from here."
Joel nodded, his expression serious, and without another word, he put the truck in gear and drove off. As the town's familiar streets blurred by, you tried to calm your racing heart, but the proximity to Joel only heightened your senses. The tension from your encounter with Jamie slowly eased as you focused on Joel, his presence a comforting anchor.
Unbeknownst to either of you, Jamie had hidden behind some nearby bushes, watching the entire exchange. His eyes narrowed as he saw you kiss Joel passionately before driving away. Jamie’s mind raced with thoughts of revenge and use this against you if you ever tell anyone about him and you.
He got you.
***
Finally, Joel pulled into a secluded spot just outside of town, a place where the stars were visible and the world seemed to stand still. He turned off the engine and looked at you, his eyes filled with concern. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, brushing a strand of hair from your face.
You were confused about why he stopped. "Why are you stopping?" you asked, a hint of frustration in your voice.
Joel sighed, still caressing your cheek. "I just want to make sure you're alright," he said gently. "You look pissed,"
"I'm fine," you insisted, trying to push the memories of Jamie away.
As Joel continued to caress your cheeks, you felt a familiar warmth growing inside you, a need that was becoming impossible to ignore. You leaned closer, your lips brushing against his neck. "I need you, Joel," you whispered, your breath warm against his skin. "I need to feel you."
Joel's breath hitched, and he shook his head. "No, not here. Wait until we get home."
But you were determined. Ignoring his protests, you unbuckled your seatbelt and began massaging his erection through his jeans. You could feel him getting hard, and it fueled your desire even more. "See, you're hard," you murmured, your voice low and teasing.
Joel's breathing grew heavier. "Doll, not here," he said, his voice strained. "Just wait."
You didn't stop. You unzipped his pants, your hand slipping inside to free his erection. Joel groaned, his resolve weakening as your touch sent shivers down his spine. "Relax, Joel," you whispered, your fingers wrapping around his length. "Just enjoy it."
He let out a shaky breath, his head leaning back against the seat. You lowered your head, your lips wrapping around him, taking him into your mouth. Joel's hands gripped the seat, his hips involuntarily thrusting towards you as you pleasured him.
"Fuck," he groaned, his voice thick with desire. "Keep doing that,"
You hummed in response, the vibration sending waves of pleasure through him. You moved your head up and down, taking him deeper each time. Joel's hands found your hair, pulling you suck his deeper as he lost himself in the sensation.
You hollowed your cheeks, increasing the intensity of your movements. Joel's breathing grew ragged, each gasp and groan driving you further. His taste, the warmth of his skin, and the way he responded to your touch fueled your own desire.
"God, you're so good," he murmured, his voice barely more than a whisper.
His words spurred you on, and you took him even deeper, your tongue swirling around him. Joel's grip on your hair tightened, and he let out a series of low, guttural moans, his hips thrusting up to meet your movements.
"Fuck," he hissed, his control slipping. "I'm close."
You didn't stop, your pace quickening as you pushed him towards the edge. Joel's entire body tensed, and with a final, deep thrust, he came, his release filling your mouth. You swallowed, savoring the taste of him, before finally pulling back.
Joel looked down at you, his eyes dark with a mixture of love and desire. "You're incredible," he said, his voice hoarse with emotion.
You smiled, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. "Well, what are you waiting for? Drive! Do you want more or not?" you teased him, your voice a sultry whisper.
With a final desire glance, Joel started the truck again, his hands gripping the wheel with a mix of anticipation and restraint. The drive to the house was charged with a palpable tension, every touch and glance between you intensifying the connection.
When you finally arrived at the house, the world seemed to fall away, leaving only the two of you and the quiet sanctuary of the night. Joel led you inside with a sense of urgency, his touch a blend of tenderness and raw desire.
The door clicked shut behind you, and the sound amplified the charged atmosphere between you. Joel’s hands roamed over your body with an assertive grace, his touch igniting a fervent passion that mirrored your own. His eyes were dark with longing as he took in every curve and contour of your form.
"You’re so beautiful," Joel murmured, his voice a low, husky whisper. His fingers deftly tore at the fabric of your dress, a playful glint in his eyes. "Looks like you’ll owe me a new one."
You laughed softly, the sound mingling with the crackling tension in the air. His lips descended on your neck, trailing kisses that were both tender and intense. Each touch, each kiss, was a promise of the desire he felt for you. As he made his way down your body, his lips moved with a fervor that left you breathless.
When he reached your breast, his tongue traced delicate patterns over your skin, his touch sending waves of pleasure through you. The heat between you was palpable, a tantalizing dance of need and connection that drew you closer together.
"Joel, I need you now,"
Joel’s breath hitched at your words, a mixture of desire and affection deepening in his eyes. His hands, now firm and steady, guided you gently yet purposefully. Every touch was a deliberate exploration, a testament to the yearning that had built up between you.
He lifted his gaze from your breast, locking eyes with you. “Are you sure?” His voice was a low, husky whisper, filled with an intense sincerity. The warmth of his breath mingled with yours, creating an intimate cocoon around you both.
You nodded, your eyes never leaving his. “Yes, Joel. I want you,” you whispered, your voice barely audible but filled with longing.
With a deep, appreciative breath, Joel's hands continued their journey with an almost reverent touch. His lips followed the path his hands had traced, moving with deliberate care. As he kissed his way down your abdomen, his touch was both urgent and gentle, a contrast that only heightened the sensation.
Every kiss, every touch, seemed to create a delicate tension that made the air between you crackle with anticipation. The world outside faded into insignificance as the two of you became enveloped in this intimate space.
As Joel guided you gently to the bed, his touch remained tender despite the urgent desire that fueled both of you. He moved with a deliberate calmness, his actions conveying both care and intensity. The soft rustle of the sheets contrasted with the fervor of the moment, creating a sense of serene anticipation.
Joel's hands were steady as he reached for the condom from the nightstand. You watched him with a mixture of excitement and affection, your breath catching slightly at the sight. The preparation felt like a final step in a journey that had been building with every touch, every kiss.
Joel’s movements were careful as he opened the condom, his focus entirely on you. The contrast between his urgency and the meticulousness with which he prepared was a testament to the deep respect and care he had for you. As he rolled the condom on, his eyes never left yours, each motion filled with a deliberate tenderness.
As Joel entered you, the sensation was a blend of gentle pressure and overwhelming pleasure, each movement an expression of deep connection and longing. The rhythm of your breaths, mingling with the soft sounds of your shared pleasure, filled the room, creating a melody of intimacy that made every moment feel profoundly significant.
With each thrust, Joel's intensity matched the rising tide of your shared desire. His growl of approval mingled with your moans, a symphony of connection that built to a crescendo. You whispered for him to move faster, and his response was immediate, increasing the pace with a mix of urgency and care. The world outside seemed to vanish, leaving only the two of you in this sacred space of mutual adoration and longing.
"Fuck," you cursed, for the first time Joel heard you cursing.
Joel grinned, feeling the heat rising between them as he took control. He reached out, gripping your hips firmly and flipping you onto your stomach with ease, like a seasoned wrestler tossing an opponent in the ring. 
"Now, be a good girl," he growled huskily, his voice thick with desire, his large hands moved deftly along your curves, pulling you up onto all fours as he positioned himself behind you. With a powerful thrust, he entered you from behind, eliciting a sharp gasp from your lips.
The sound echoed through the room, bouncing off the walls and filling the air around them with lustful energy. As he began to move, his strong arms wrapped around your waist, holding you close while he fuck you in this unfamiliar position. 
"You feel so fucking good," he groaned, each word punctuated by the rhythmic slapping of their bodies colliding together.
Sweat dripped from his brow as he increased his pace, driven by raw animal instinct. "Oh God, Joel, yeah, keep doing that," you moaned, your voice dripping with desire.
The intensity of his movements caused the bedsheets to slip from beneath you, leaving you grasping at nothing but thin air as he continued to thrust into you. "You're gonna make me come so hard," he growled, his breath ragged and uneven. His powerful arms tightened around your waist, pulling you closer still as he ravaged your body mercilessly.
The force of his penetration shook the very foundations of the bedroom, creating a symphony of primal passion that seemed to shake the world around them.
With a final, powerful thrust, Joel released a primal roar that echoed throughout the room. His warm seed filled the condom completely, spilling deep inside as he collapsed onto your back, panting heavily from the exertion. As both of you lay entwined on the bed, their bodies slick with sweat and passion, he gently pulled out of you and rolled onto his side, cradling you in his strong arms.
"Fuck, baby," he whispered hoarsely, brushing a stray lock of hair from your forehead, "That was one hell of a ride." he said.
You couldn't help but smile weakly at him, feeling an overwhelming sense of satisfaction and exhaustion wash over you. "I love you," you said.
Joel’s eyes softened, his usual guarded expression giving way to something more vulnerable as he looked at you. His thumb gently traced the outline of your jaw, his touch warm and reassuring. “I love you too, darlin’,” he murmured, his voice low and sincere.
You felt a warmth spread through your chest at his words, the connection between you both feeling deeper than ever. The room was quiet now, the only sound was your breathing as you lay there, tangled together. It was a moment that felt almost surreal, like something out of a dream, yet it was very real and very much yours.
Joel leaned down, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead. “You’re somethin’ else, you know that?” he whispered, his lips brushing your skin with each word.
You giggled softly, the sound light and content. “You’re not so bad yourself, Miller,” you teased, earning a playful nudge from him.
He chuckled, a deep, rumbling sound that you could feel in your chest. “I’m serious,” he said, his tone becoming more earnest. “I never thought I’d find this again, not after everything. You make me feel...alive, in a way I didn’t think was possible.”
Your heart swelled at his confession, and you reached up to cup his face, your thumb brushing over the stubble on his cheek. “You make me feel the same way, Joel,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “I can’t imagine my life without you now.”
Joel’s eyes locked with yours, and for a moment, it was as if the world outside ceased to exist. There was only the two of you, and the unspoken promise of more moments like this, of a future that was suddenly bright with possibility.
He pressed his forehead against yours, his breath mingling with yours in the small space between you. “Then we’ll make it work, no matter what,” he said softly, his words filled with determination. “I’m not lettin’ go of this, of us.”
Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes, but they were tears of happiness, of relief. “Me neither,” you whispered back, sealing your promise with a tender kiss.
As you lay there together, wrapped in each other’s arms, the world outside could wait. For now, it was just you and Joel, and that was all you needed.
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