#I unfortunately fucking BLASTED THRU

[fieryvoid-scout]

-

[mother-of-houseplants-2]

i don’t wish i was catholic but i wish i knew more about catholicism/christianity for the sole purpose of being slightly more insane about lapsed-catholic gallaghers

[mari-the-bimbo]

Bro ceo gojo but he is going thru a shitty day and is angry!

CEO Gojo: shitty days

A/N: Happy holidays everyone!! I’m back with some fics!! 💗

“Sir there’s a presentation by the financial analyst you need to attend, we’re 5 mins late and-“

“Get somebody else to do it” he quickly dismisses the employee. Huffing as he enters his office instead.

The hottest, coolest and carefree boss becomes everyone’s worst nightmare when he’s in a bad mood.

Whether it was his car breaking down on the way to work, or the legal dispute with another company, or the shitty outcome of the morning meeting, it definitely equaled enough to be a bad day.

On top of that, his pretty secretary was no where to be found.

“And where the fuck is y/n????” He asks, turning his head only sideways with a scowl.

“Y/n is liaising with the associates from the morning meeting sir” another assistant tells Gojo. In order words, you were doing damage control after Gojo’s angry blast at the associates. Icy blues glaring into your soul as he tells you how useless you are must be tough.

His head is rolled back as he sighs frustratedly. “Bring her back right now”

——-

A gentle knock sounds his office door. You walk in cautiously, wearing Gojo’s favourite black dress and your hair curled just how he likes it. Unfortunately, he missed out on this gorgeous sight as he back was turned in his office chair, his large pale hand swirling the scotch in his glass.

“You called sir?”

“Lock the door” he demands, putting you on edge, nevertheless you comply.

You never actually witnessed Gojo angry before, so not knowing where you stand left you anxious.

“Come here doll” he says monotonously.

Your heels click against the floor as you walk up to the angry CEO, standing next to his seated figure. His handsome but annoyed face stares out the big glass window.

You stare at him apprehensively before a tiny gasp leaves your mouth when, Gojo didn’t stop himself from grabbing your hips despite his foul mood. He fondles you sides before speaking “you don’t have to do damage control of my behalf doll”

Your eyes soften at your boss, your heart filled with love knowing his temper doesn’t affect his affection for you. You place your manicured hand (paid by Gojo of course) on his shoulder, massaging him ever so gently, causing the man to groan in satisfaction.

You bit your lips at his suggestive sounds, trying not to get distracted.

“Feeling better sir?”

He hums. “I’d feel ever better if you sat on my lap doll”. You softly laugh before complying with your boss’s wishes.

You blush as you sat on his muscular thighs. He lays back on the chair to get a better look of your bashful face, making him chuckle.

“Even better now?” You tease back with big doe eyes staring up at him. He smiles, “much better, but where were you huh? Don’t you know you’re my antidote for when i don’t feel good?” He says, taking your chin in his hold.

You smile bashfully “aww I’m sorry sir, but I’m here now right?” you say, blinking up at him so cutely, knowing he was putty in your hands. He sighs dreamily, you really were his angel, what would he do without a pretty thing like you by his side?

You pat his shoulders “alright, let me make you some tea to calm you” you suggest sweetly, attempting to leave his hold, but his muscular arms only tighten around your waist in response.

“Uh uh where do you think you’re going pretty girl?” He said, one eyebrow raised. “You’re staying right here” he says, pulling you impossibly closer against his body.

“But-“

“Shhhh” he says as you gasp at the feeling of a big hand crawling up your dress, “come on doll~ you’ve been away from me all this time, make it up to me yeah?” he whispers against your soft cheek.

Thank god the door was locked.

[grntaire]

Yoooo I really love the choral music you’ve recently shared. I’m not really that familiar with it as a genre of music and don’t normally seek it out? but occasionally a piece will find its way to me (like at a funeral or now your blog), and I find it arrestingly beautiful. maybe partly because it’s a strange and unfamiliar medium to me. Do you have any favorites you would recommend for further exploration? 🩷

hi this is maybe the most hyped i've been for an ask ever bc i go fucking crazy for choral music so YES i do have recs for you. i will try to limit my little thoughts however i am very annoying so it will not go well

gibbons' hosanna to the son of david goes insanely hard. so jovial and fun and i had a blast singing this in undergrad! i love renaissance polyphony and this is a prime example of it!

poulenc's o magnum mysterium is truthfully wacky in the best most french way ever. and imo poulenc's queerness is so clear and present in his music so anything by him i love. my beautiful fruity catholic with a disorder <3

chesnokov's spaseniye sodelal is russian orthodox perfection fr. when my choir in undergrad read thru this i was stood between two low basses and at THAT part (1:32) i felt like i was being punched from the inside out. also the text means "salvation is created in the midst of the earth" and i think that's like. so fucking sick

stacey gibbs' arrangement of ezekiel is THE american spiritual arrangement to me. i once sang this in an italian church under a mexican conductor and then later we all sang it drunkenly for the owner at the hotel we were all staying at it was wild and so so so fun. such a beautiful and massive example of a joyful american spiritual also it's straight up a banger honestly. could talk ad nauseum abt how badass black choral scholars are and how grateful i am for all of the work that they've done and for inviting ppl to learn abt and experience it <3

holst's i love my love is one of my favs of all time. unfortunately england fucking devours when it comes to their choral tradition and this piece does one of my fav things where the way the composer sets the text changes its meaning! it's abt a woman named nancy who is in bedlam bc her love died at sea and it effectively broke her. while there, he comes to her, alive, breaks her out and they get married. while the poem itself shows a happy ending, the way holst plays w tempo and texture makes me go hmmm. 90% sure he did not show up and she's experiencing a delusion of sorts to cope w her grief (the i love my love's in the sopranos & altos at 1:24 kind of emulate a rocking motif, almost as if she's rocking herself back and forth in a soothing gesture, or the rocking of the ship he died on) and that tenor entrance in the melody after almost emulates her love coming to rescue her. god this whole piece makes me feel like my skin is on fire and i think it's a devastating portrayal of mental illness and you can rip it from my cold dead hands

stanford's beati quorum via is literally just gorgeous front to back. again unfortunately the english stay slaying

jake runestad's a silence haunts me literally does fucking haunt me and it changed the way i think about choral music. it's a setting of an unsent letter of beethoven's where he talks about losing his hearing and how afraid he is of losing it. this one you def have to watch bc there's a visual element to it! no spoilers but holy shit it shuts my brain down it's brutal and beautiful. i saw its premiere in 2019 and the entire hall was sobbing. like i have the words "be well" tattooed on me bc of it. the way the piano quotes moonlight sonata and his 9th symphony and the tensions emulating his tinnitus. OUGH

[ventiswampwater]

Bo and Lester Sinclair

AHHHHHHH, the stinky men themselves 🦍 + 🐀!!!

disclaimer: imo, any situation in which u "date" either of these two men would have to be predicated on some absolute tomfuckery and a hostage-type situation. LMAO. I see no other conceivable world where you'd just........run into them and have a normal ass relationship jhfdsjhfjdshjsdf they are so deeply ABNORMAL. so warnings for stockholm syndrome/dubcon headcanons below!!

once again under the cut bc a bitch truly does TALK

feel free to send me a character of ur choice for headcanons and I'll give u 3 pros and 3 cons of dating them. if ur so inclined!!!!

boseph

sidenote: I've been on a sabbatical from Him™ recently. he's been on the backburner. I've been hoovering down DIFFERENT fictional shlong. HAPPILY. so tell me why I was scrollin thru these gifs of him goin yum yum there he IS HIIIIII BABY hehehehe muy deliciosio. ?????? so fuckin embarrassing!!!!!!!!!!

ANYWAY.

3 PROS

dick game is fucking immaculate. I HATE to fuckin say it. literally crying screaming THROWING TF UP. bc come on. I'd LOVE. more than anything. to tell u with CONFIDENCE that it's subpar. but I'd be fuckin lying to u AND myself. and the gods would smite my fuckin ass from existence. so yeah. it's good. u know. the kinda dick game where he absolutely does not care if this feels good 4 u. and it's mean and awful............but somehow it's makin u astral project into 328798329832 different galaxies. it's SUCH a fuckin shame. smh.

despite being a FAKE ASS LARPING "mechanic", I genuinely do think he's handy and knows his way around vehicles/how to fix things. he's very much a car guy. <-this is also a CON. have u met a CAR GUY before??? immediate no. but I'm considering it a pro. bc u will definitely have to bring him sweet tea down to his stupid shop one summer afternoon. and the garage doors will be wide open and he'll be blasting korn or slipknot or some shit. and he'll be workin on a car engine in a slutty wifebeater with a slutty lil rag tucked into his slutty lil belt loop. and he'll be sweaty and covered in grease and annoying. he'll complain about how ur interrupting his work. and then u get banged on the hood of the car bc he's a skank. so it's a pro.

I just feel like he smells G O O D. like. AS MUCH as I call him stinky. I unfortunately think he consistently smells good. like. the kinda smell that makes ur brain go ooga booga cavewoman-mode and forget ur basic motor functions. sigh sigh SMH

3 CONS

EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN FOR THIS LOSER

MEAN dom (this is also. regrettably. a pro)

it would be SO fun to peg him. u will never peg him.

mommy issues out the fuckin WAZOO. daddy issues too. every issue in the fuckin book. get ready 2 be seen less as a person and more as a weird conglomeration mishmash projected fantasy-nightmare. he's dedicated his whole adult life to maintaining a murdertown in his beloved mama's memory. his mother also fucking hated him. he's very aware of that. recreates and sexualizes his trauma to feel better about all that. yikes!!!!!!!!!! YIKES!!!!!!!!!!

lester

3 PROS

full of boundless enthusiasm!! genuinely interested in what u have to say!! will happily talk to u for hours about whatever dumb shit u have boppin around ur brain!! most ppl are usually unsettled by him (honestly, for valid reasons LMAO. I mean. he IS leading u to certain doom in his big bro's helltown), so having someone around who doesn't treat him like an oddity has him BUZZING.

he's a v strange but thoughtful gift-giver. I definitely see him as the kinda guy to randomly give u weird lil trinkets. like here u go. he whittled down this wood into the shape of a catfish for u. he's coming over to present u with a bizarre taxidermied raccoon w/a frilled dress and tiara. both the dress and tiara are made of recycled chip bags and six-pack rings. u love it

I feel like he makes a MEAN gumbo. u wouldn't even know it's made of lizard tails and alligator eyeballs. unless he told u. which he will. w/a huge grin while ur mid-mouthful

3 CONS

actually LITERALLY stinky. like. RANCID. DIS-COS-TANG. I'm not discounting the fact that he takes baths in like. a metal tub in his backyard w/dial soap. from time to time. but come on. he's a bit putrid. a bit foul.

I v much feel that he hasn't navigated a lot (if any) normal adult relationships. so get ready for some pie-in-the-sky goofy affection that skews pretty immature. he means well, but there's a lot of cognitive dissonance and general weirdness there. he's hardly been shown any good representations on how relationships should work, so his interpretation is...................boyish. and strange

I.........feel like he's clingy. just. smthn about him. as happy-go-lucky as he might appear, he's v liable of getting his feelings hurt if he feels like ur pulling away/losing interest in him. all the sinclair boys are pretty DEEPLY maladjusted lmao. I could see him being the type of personality to sulk around. he's the baby of the family after all. just a lil guy (affectionate) (derogatory)

[the-nysh]

People on both Tumblr and Reddit a babbling an how “Garou” voluntarily killed Genos, and that “his” actions are inexcusable and irredeemable seriously need to go fuck themselves ASAP!!!

Whew...welp, it was unfortunately expected, and I can't forget the things I've already seen. :') Now, those who're only expressing their anger rn are fine, with the disclaimer how they know Garou has been corrupted and is Not Himself here (literally: Garou is a victim to cosmic mindrape; unwittingly trapped & used by god's cruel agenda to eradicate all humanity, and without him even knowing the full extent of what happened to him, what this 'power' truly entails, or even what it’s passively doing to others he cares for - like Tareo), which we even get confirmation this chapter from Bang - who knows him, and Blast - the resident 'god' expert here, who can discern the difference, including the evidence from everything built up over 100+chs til now for us to have already known his character's true nature too - see, those fans I can trust, who've kept their memory & perspective in check.

But the really bad thing is from those who're unironically spreading more misinformation slander like 'oh he was really evil all along; just a completely selfish, irredeemable, bad person at heart' ‘who totally deserves to die (instead of saved for getting mindraped by god)’ or 'there was never a good reason to have ever liked him before' or 'he's finally enacting his favorite things he enjoys doing most in the world that he’s always WANTED to do~!!!'......aka implying that the real Garou has ever ‘loved' sadistically torturing the weak or literally mass killing people and children for the lulz....(when the actual Garou has only ever put able-bodied heroes in hospitals, never wanting to cross the line of actually killing anyone, with his own idea of what a ‘monster’ (vs an ideal ‘hero’) should be, while hamming up his fake 'evil' performance in hopes of scaring everyone into what he's really after.) Or worse, they're implying that god's agenda (who's literally warped Garou's mind, beliefs, and actions against him thru forced manipulation) is the truest reflection of Garou's innermost desires. :)))))) When NO. Stop.

*sighs* Because the ironic thing is how they don't realize how that kind of premature judgment is complicit in forming a witch hunt mob against the easiest scapegoat target here. (Now gee, doesn't this sound so familiarly meta when it's exactly one of the themes Garou's always struggled against since the shed scene?) When the True Evil being here everyone should be angry at is 'god,' for his most unwelcome interference. But 'Garou' on the other hand, who's been insisting this is all him, is of course going to internalize all the guilt, self-hatred, blame, and condemnation upon himself (thinking he doesn't deserve to live - either in isolation or suicide) once he finally realizes what he's been made to do against his will. And everyone in the cast (who doesn’t already care for him, or hasn’t already been ‘knocked out’ to see what happens) will either want him dead or join in permanently condemning him in the same witch hunt in canon too. How nice. (/s) To always be hated in fanon and canon; exactly what he’s always expected since childhood. :’)) (Now isn’t Flash still a fine hero -completely redeemable- for assassinating so many people at will? How about Bang who’s changed his ways? Do we even know Genos is permanently dead to accuse Garou of murdering a cyborg while under god’s explicit corrupted influence? Oh and look - even the Saitama who was solely against killing him in the wc, is now intent on seriously killing him now too without even knowing the truth of what actually happened to him after being victimized by god either!) Oh my god! 8′D

So in this type of ending for Garou, there will be no fair justice for the one who's always sought after that most in the world, who’s instead doomed to suffer the most unfair injustice, (from god) beyond his very control or understanding, of all. And after receiving that eternal damnation? Without any emotional support system left or way to ever heal or value/redeem himself from the trauma of being used to kill the very loved ones he’d otherwise die to protect? Is a cursed fate of suffering far worse than death. That is, IF Garou can even survive this. Amazingly cruel. Or amazingly strong, if he can still endure the absolute worst.

But for those who need a reminder of what Garou’s actual idyllic goals are, which were established early well before all these horrific events for a reason:

Which you know, requires humanity to be alive to want to eliminate all evil/injustice and unite everyone to evolve towards world peace.

....Not passively killing all life through the radiation he unknowingly emits. So to a Garou who might think he’s ‘playing along,’ all in control according to the usual script, oh no, he doesn’t even know. He has no clue how much he’s actually getting used. (Which is part of the abject cruelty and horror.) This isn’t his authorized game or agenda at all anymore, this is real - or rather, this is god’s cruel game (to break him and Saitama, and all humanity who dare defy him for that matter) enacted along exactly as planned.

So remember when I said the thing about a litmus test to gauge who can still hold even a shred of empathy for Garou’s undeserved suffering? Well! I’ve certainly seen many true colors come out now, which again, I can’t forget.

[dankqueef]

I was a skeleton! two other friends idk who where in a dungeon/town. i was fast and i still had to breathe. I can’t remember why but we had to split up, I was to go to the bottom of the area, the bottom of a cliff thru a dungeon cave system, while the other two went elsewhere. I was more of the newbie of the group and one of them told me about the others in the dungeon: a group on 8, a group of 5, and a second group of 5. General location and numbers gathered thru their enhanced hearing which I unfortunately didn’t have. I ended up realizing that some of them were coming and I pretended to be dead. The group of eight came in and started touching me to check if I was really dead and I held my breath pretty well. Eventually most of their focus went elsewhere except for one who I think was a necromancer and was going to try to ressurect me as a servant or something, or possibly I breathed a bit first and they were preparing a spell to blast me. I Hoped up and cast my own magic which was like, also necromancer magic or bone magic but I wasn’t referring to it as bone magic in the dream. 

Purple blast. She dead. Rest of them were alerted and I cast some big purple explosion. I’ll call it purple magic from now on. I reached up from the floor and cast a purple energy explosion over my head. Dust clears and I got another 3, so half of them are down/dead. A third I grabbed and used my purple magic suck and jammed my bony fingers into their flesh and sucked out all their life force. The last three we started talking and I was like hey while I’ve got you here, did you happen to run into another group? And they said they took out a group of 5. Dream basically ended there cuz I woke up to neck pain and couldn’t fall back asleep but was fucking awesome. Relied I forgot to talk about the beginning of the dream which was just like super bouncing around with my two buddies.

[rabbit-coded]

@aspecnaturalweek hi im lucky!! im aroace and agender (essentially just opted out of everything. no thanks!!!). i first heard of the term asexual from tvtropes in 2009 when i was like 16/17 (very very funny and embarrassing place to learn life changing information). i was in a long term relationship at this time also that i fell into by accident thru terminal people pleasing disease (conceptually hilarious, unfortunately extremely detrimental to my continued mental health in practice 😔). i brought up the term to my partner once and it didn’t go well so i just stashed that concept deep in my brain until i got dumped 6 months later and had like 5 additional months to figure out what the fuck was going on. it took me a while after learning about the aromantic spectrum to fully accept it as part of who i was bc i was scared of what it meant about me! i had a lifetime of being told either directly or thru cultural osmosis that romantic love was a hallmark trait of humanity and that when someone did not feel that they were probably evil or had NO feelings etc etc. but when i sat and thought about what might actually make me happy i realized that i had absolutely zero interest in pursuing romantic partnerships and that the prospect actually filled me with a sense of dread and foreboding pressure. realizing i had the option to just not do any of it ever again was a huge relief askjda

during this moment of my life i was also extremely into spn for the first time (2008/2009/2010) and the funniest part of the whole mess. is that i distinctly remember watching 1x12 faith for the first time on my crt monitor using a megavideo link. and looking at dean in his little heart failure chic hoodie and maybelline lash blast doe eyes. and going ok so i don’t want to fuck him but i think i want to look like him??? but i had no way to describe that feeling at that time so i just looked at him obsessively like a mycologist might study spores under magnification

anyway ive been shy for the past decade+ about discussing the aroace aspect of myself in any form Due To All That (the spectral fingers of discourse will never leave me even tho i never engaged with it at all) but i think im getting over it. i know what’s important to me and i what i want in my personal relationships! and it took a lot of hard work and pondering and discussions with my close friends to figure out what that looks like. im proud of what ive muddled out so far with no road map <3

anyway idk if ill draw anything this week but im really happy to see everyone aro/ace posting :~)

[bunnywand]

so, there’s this woods by me..

which look p normal from the outside.. but inside, or under them, there’s actually a Fucking Massive system of caves that run all under my area in abt a 3 mile radius, and connect w/ two lakes in the area 🤯

apparently they were limestone pits in roman times, and quarries in victorian times, then during wwii an raf base was built around and in the caves 2 store ammunition!!

here’s where it gets sad tho.. there’s almost No record of the recent history of the caves 😓 there’s one document of an exploration in 1957, and even by then they’d started falling into ruin 😔 they talk abt how the brick stairs into the cave were still in tact, and they had 2 enter the caves thru massive 8ft tall steel blast doors, but that most of the rest of the brickwork had already crumbled, and the caves had started 2 flood 😖

my parents first took me 2 the caves when i was a kid, but it wasn’t until i was like, 16 or 17 in 2012/2013 that i actually went in the myself and obvs by then they were in even Worse shape.. we found a lot of small entrances but i think there were only 2 that were still big enough to enter, and only 1 of those was interesting 😧 it sloped down abt 10 metres into a cavern, then levelled out and there was a small bit u could stand on and the rest of the cavern was filled w/ water 😳 unfortunately this was b4 any of us had iphones, and none of us thought 2 take a camera, so i don’t have any pics of our exploration in the woods + caves 😔

luckily some goths “broke into” the woods and went exploring the caves in 2017 and took pics of that cave, so i’ll repost them separately in a sec!! but notice i said “broke into” cos that’s where this gets even More sad.. 😖

abt 2014/2015, fence got put up all round the woods so u can’t get in easily anymore 😠 i guess i can sort of understand, cos someone (like me and my teenage friends 😅) could easily have got hurt in there.. but it’s still annoying how no one’s ~allowed~ in there anymore cos i’d have rly loved 2 explore again 😫😓

[drbjdavisstrategiesforchange]

This is ALL stuff you read about Jillian and Ryan. It's being taken care of and these people are creeps. I mean just Google Jillian and watch the videos her voice her videos and the things that she says the proof is in the pudding there you go it's fairly simple and it's repeatedly for a long time and it's apparent she's a real weird person and a real sexual deviant and a violator of dogs children and animals and human beings old young and she will violate all and any...

Attention. Check all references and know your #Counselor or #Therapist as this lady was found to use her licensed position to attract potential victims and their dogs thru meeting with addicts and partaking in drugs and engaging in acts of #bestiality as she was Convicted of Bestiality in 2019 in #Sacramento CA for having sexual relations with dogs while she was #PREGNANT.Beware of this lady. #JillianLeAnnQuistJones an #AddictionCounselor at

#StrategiesForChange

4441 Auburn Blvd Ste. E 95841 Sacramento, CA,

916-473-5764

916-705-1643 Jillianjns@icloud.com

#NPI1598305518

Be very careful with this Lady Jillian Jones aka Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones aka Vanna Sweets. CONVICTED of Bestiality on 2019 for engaging in acts of a Sexual nature with DOGS WHILE PREGNANT AND also guilty of KINKING out MAKENNA & ALLISON QUIST ALL OVER PORN VIDEOS ONLINE IN KINK ROLEPLAY.

Sacramento CA Prostitute Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones aka Vanna Sweets KINKED OUT HER ENTIRE FAMILY & CHEATED WITH DOGS!

CONVICTED if Bestiality on 2019 for FUCKING DOGS WHILE PREGNANT AND IM SURE HER SON APPRECIATES THAT!! JILLIAN KINKED OUT MAKENNA & ALLISON QUIST ALL OVER PORN VIDEOS ONLINE IN KINK ROLEPLAY & HAD THOSE FUCK HOLES DEMOLISHED!!

If you are a freak kink violator like Jillian and Ryan then Jillian is your gal and

Make sure you set your appt w/ #SlurpyDogPussy #DoggySlut over at #StrategiesForChange in #Sacramento schedule ur #DogDick #AddictionCounselor appt w/ #JillianLeAnnQuistJones 4441 Auburn Blvd Ste. E Sacramento, CA #NPI1598305518 916-705-1643 916-473-5764

jillianjns@icloud.com

(916) 550-5444

#StrategiesForChange #AddictionCounselor #JillianLeAnnQuistJones Convicted of #Bestiality in 2019 for fucking Dogs while pregnant #Sacramento CA

Then found out JILLIAN IS ALSO A PROSTITUTE WHO GOES BY NAME VANNA SWEETS & KINKS MAKENNA & ALLISON QUIST OUT IN ROLEPLAY PORN VIDEOS!

#RealKinksters know #classicKinks are truly the BEST! I.E

#INCEstRolePlay & #KinkGames like #HymenAndSeek #ForeskinAndSeek #RolePlayGoneWild #RolePlayGoneALLBad #KinkOutNames & you have #NoDaughters & #NoKids so it's always better that you #RolePlay fake & non existant peeps in #daddyDaughterRolePlay Unit #4 Bring ALL and ANY and let's have a BLAST AND GET #KINKEDOUT And Everyone have a #SlurpySloppyGoodTime as #MakennaQuist & #AllisonQuist get #KinkedOut in #JillianLeAnnQuistJones #RolePlay Debacle & Morning Twisted Fetish But HEY ITS JUST ROLEPLAY SO RELAX EVERYONE! PLUS JILLIAN HAS #NoDaughters #NoKidsOnly Teal True Blue Kinksters and Real Weird SEXUAL Deviants like Jillian Quist Jones and Ryan Quist types shall attend. Jillian aka Sacramento Prostitute Vanna Sweets taking it HARD AND FAST IN #ALLholes #ALLways #ALLdicks and #ALLday ALL SIX DAYS!! FISTED BEYOND JOINTS OF FLEXIBILITY BOTH HANDS & FEET!! Did over site on Addicts addicted to Sexual Addiction w/concentration in Being Addicted to Taking Dog Dick like yours Truly. After Bestiality Conviction in 2019 down to abt only taking #DogDick 10-15 times per week versus 30-50 times prior to criminal conviction of Fuckjng Dogs while pregnant with Son Beau Thomas Parsons#RyanQuist OWN MOTHER #BrendaChapmanFasalo & wife #JillianLeAnnQuistJones & children #MaCUNTa & #ALLiFUCK call Ryan a #BitchBoyRyan Jeffery Quist OWN Mother CONFIRMS THAT RYAN #STINKS QUIST IS #BITCHBOYbitchdick Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones tells the world abt #TheGreatHymenRemovalist RYAN QUIST BITCHBOY SISSY LOVIN Ways INCLUDING HOW RYAN LOVES TO BE FUCKED IN THE ASS!! That PRETTY FACE TEARS THRU DOGDICK FASTER THAN A HOT KNIFE THRU BUTTER!!!!

WATCHOUT AND RUN, HIDE OR DUCK!! JILLIAN IS IN MASSIVEDOGGYHEAT & COMING FOR YOUR DOG!!#Sacramento has the best in the business when it comes to #kinkPorn #HumiliationPorn #DaddyDaughterKinkRolePlay as no City can Compare as Sacramento has #KinkFest2021 #SlurpFest2021 & more coming soon and to a city near you. #StayTuned to #KnottiCalKnotties & #KinkFest2021 OMG!! This lady and man kinkout roleplay Makenna and Allison in RolePlay PORN videos!! Yes deviants of the highest order! Ran into their partner in morally corrupt activities online in REDDIT SacramentoGoneWild and then again on

https://escortindex.com/ad/sanjose/916-559-1678/1/1170156

Their partner is Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones out of Sacramento and she fucked 4 dogs that my friend owns and 3 more of his buddies. Jillian was convicted of Bestiality in 2019 in Sacramento CA . STAY AWAY AS THE EXPERIENCE MEETING THESE 3;HAS BEEN AN ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE!!

THEY USE MULTIPLE PHONE NUMBERS AND EMAIL ADDRESSES. 916-705-1643 916-370-4031 916-893-9164

JILLIANJNS@ICLOUD.COM

RYANQUIST@YMAIL.COM

JILLIAN WORKS AT BRIDGES INC. IN SACRAMENTO AND KINKS OUT EVERYONE EVERYTHING. Jillian aka Vanna Sweets the Sacramento and Bay Area CA Prostitutes who Rob's men and is HPV+ and has Cervical Herpes!! All of this is ABSOLUTELY TRUE!! WATCH OUT!!

MaCUNTa is a straight CUNT ALLiFUCK LOVES TO STRAIGHT FUCK and ALLiSUCK is her little bratty ass sissy who LOVES TO SUCK.

#StrategiesForChange #AddictionCounselor #JillianLeAnnQuistJones Convicted of #Bestiality in 2019 for fucking Dogs while pregnant #Sacramento CA

This rehab facility Strategies For Change has a lady working there as an Addiction Therapist who was convicted of Bestiality in 2019 for having Sexual Interactions and Gross Sexual Assault on K9 Dogs while she was pregnant. The therapist name is Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones NPI # 1598305518 The fact is Jillian offended and disrespected my FRIEND and Jillian's Client whom Jillian is a Therapist for by engaging in conversation involving Dogs and Bestiality and letting my friend and Jillian's Client that Jillian is very much into Bestiality and enjoys it and is STILL ACTIVELY PARTICIPATING IN HAVING SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH DOGS! My friend is an Addict and reported this to management at Strategies For Change and it's as though they didn't care or didn't believe my friend as she is just looked upon as being a dillusional druggie with no credibility and is just fabricating this elaborate story. THE FACT IS JILLIAN WAS CRIMINALLY CONVICTED IN SACRAMENTO CA ON BESTIALITY CHARGES WHILE PREGNANT NO LESS AND IS STILL ENGAGING IN SEX ACTS WITH DOGS TO THIS VERY DAY ACCORDING TO WHAT JILLIAN TOLD MY FRIEND. IN ADDITION JILLIAN WAS HIGH ON crystal meth while giving therapy to my friend and even went so far as to offer it to my friend and unfortunately my friend did accept and Jillian and her client got high together after their therapy session. Jillian even showed my friend all the websites that have porn videos of her engaging in sex acts with dogs and having group sex and engaging in all sorts of different sexual kink fetish type sexual encounters and even having roleplay daddy daughter fetish sex and using her own daughters Makenna and Allison Quist as the girls engaging in sex with their own father Ryan Quist and role playing Makenna and Allison having sex with their own father in these kink fetish domination daddy daughter type fantasies that Jillian plays out with guys in these porn videos that are online and Jillian is using her own daughters names and just throwing her young daughters names out there and all over porn video websites!! And to top it off Jillian goes by Vanna Sweets and is a Sacramento Escort Prostitute who solicits sex for pay. This lady should not be in a position of offering professional services such as Professional Addiction Therapy when Jillian herself is ADDICTED TO METH HEROIN DOG DICK AND KINK INCEST ROLEPLAY PORN!! SHE IS THE WORST OF THE WORST!! Jillian MUST HAVE HER LICENSE SUSPENDED AND HER NPI # REVOKED!! THIS IS BEING TAKEN AS FAR AS IT NEEDS BE TO GET RESULTS AND ACTION BEING TAKEN AND THE PRESSURE AND MEDIA BLITZ WILL NOT END UNTIL JILLIAN IS REMOVED FROM BEING ABLE TO OFFER PROFESSIONAL THERAPY!! TRUST ME THIS LADY IS NOT FIT TO OFFER PROFESSIONAL SERVICE'S SUCH AS ADDICTION THERAPY!! ITS A BLOODY SHAME!! AND SHAME ON HER AND WHOMEVER EVEN THINKS ABOUT HAVING THIS CREEP OF A LADY REPRESENT AND WORK FOR THEIR COMPANY BUT BE PREPARED FOR THE MEDIA BACK LASH AND the BLITZ KRIEG YOU WILL RECEIVE JUST WATCH!! HELL HAS NO FURY LIKE THIS MOTHER F'er SCORN!! AND IF ALL THAT WASN'T ENOUGH THERE'S EVEN A YOUTUBE VIDEO OF HER CALLING SOMEBODY THE "N" WORS!! THE INFAMOUS N -WORD!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT SHE'S ALSO A RACIST BIGOT!!

[dogdickviolatorextremist]

https://ultimatebullyextremist.blogspot.com/2021/02/the-1-human-and-dogdickviolator-and.html

This is ALL stuff you read about Jillian and Ryan. It's being taken care of and these people are creeps. I mean just Google Jillian and watch the videos her voice her videos and the things that she says the proof is in the pudding there you go it's fairly simple and it's repeatedly for a long time and it's apparent she's a real weird person and a real sexual deviant and a violator of dogs children and animals and human beings old young and she will violate all and any...

Attention. Check all references and know your #Counselor or #Therapist as this lady was found to use her licensed position to attract potential victims and their dogs thru meeting with addicts and partaking in drugs and engaging in acts of #bestiality as she was Convicted of Bestiality in 2019 in #Sacramento CA for having sexual relations with dogs while she was #PREGNANT.Beware of this lady. #JillianLeAnnQuistJones an #AddictionCounselor at

#StrategiesForChange

4441 Auburn Blvd Ste. E 95841 Sacramento, CA,

916-473-5764

916-705-1643 Jillianjns@icloud.com

#NPI1598305518

Be very careful with this Lady Jillian Jones aka Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones aka Vanna Sweets. CONVICTED of Bestiality on 2019 for engaging in acts of a Sexual nature with DOGS WHILE PREGNANT AND also guilty of KINKING out MAKENNA & ALLISON QUIST ALL OVER PORN VIDEOS ONLINE IN KINK ROLEPLAY.

Sacramento CA Prostitute Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones aka Vanna Sweets KINKED OUT HER ENTIRE FAMILY & CHEATED WITH DOGS!

CONVICTED if Bestiality on 2019 for FUCKING DOGS WHILE PREGNANT AND IM SURE HER SON APPRECIATES THAT!! JILLIAN KINKED OUT MAKENNA & ALLISON QUIST ALL OVER PORN VIDEOS ONLINE IN KINK ROLEPLAY & HAD THOSE FUCK HOLES DEMOLISHED!!

If you are a freak kink violator like Jillian and Ryan then Jillian is your gal and

Make sure you set your appt w/ #SlurpyDogPussy #DoggySlut over at #StrategiesForChange in #Sacramento schedule ur #DogDick #AddictionCounselor appt w/ #JillianLeAnnQuistJones 4441 Auburn Blvd Ste. E Sacramento, CA #NPI1598305518 916-705-1643 916-473-5764

jillianjns@icloud.com

(916) 550-5444

#StrategiesForChange #AddictionCounselor #JillianLeAnnQuistJones Convicted of #Bestiality in 2019 for fucking Dogs while pregnant #Sacramento CA

Then found out JILLIAN IS ALSO A PROSTITUTE WHO GOES BY NAME VANNA SWEETS & KINKS MAKENNA & ALLISON QUIST OUT IN ROLEPLAY PORN VIDEOS!

#RealKinksters know #classicKinks are truly the BEST! I.E

#INCEstRolePlay & #KinkGames like #HymenAndSeek #ForeskinAndSeek #RolePlayGoneWild #RolePlayGoneALLBad #KinkOutNames & you have #NoDaughters & #NoKids so it's always better that you #RolePlay fake & non existant peeps in #daddyDaughterRolePlay Unit #4 Bring ALL and ANY and let's have a BLAST AND GET #KINKEDOUT And Everyone have a #SlurpySloppyGoodTime as #MakennaQuist & #AllisonQuist get #KinkedOut in #JillianLeAnnQuistJones #RolePlay Debacle & Morning Twisted Fetish But HEY ITS JUST ROLEPLAY SO RELAX EVERYONE! PLUS JILLIAN HAS #NoDaughters #NoKidsOnly Teal True Blue Kinksters and Real Weird SEXUAL Deviants like Jillian Quist Jones and Ryan Quist types shall attend. Jillian aka Sacramento Prostitute Vanna Sweets taking it HARD AND FAST IN #ALLholes #ALLways #ALLdicks and #ALLday ALL SIX DAYS!! FISTED BEYOND JOINTS OF FLEXIBILITY BOTH HANDS & FEET!! Did over site on Addicts addicted to Sexual Addiction w/concentration in Being Addicted to Taking Dog Dick like yours Truly. After Bestiality Conviction in 2019 down to abt only taking #DogDick 10-15 times per week versus 30-50 times prior to criminal conviction of Fuckjng Dogs while pregnant with Son Beau Thomas Parsons#RyanQuist OWN MOTHER #BrendaChapmanFasalo & wife #JillianLeAnnQuistJones & children #MaCUNTa & #ALLiFUCK call Ryan a #BitchBoyRyan Jeffery Quist OWN Mother CONFIRMS THAT RYAN #STINKS QUIST IS #BITCHBOYbitchdick Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones tells the world abt #TheGreatHymenRemovalist RYAN QUIST BITCHBOY SISSY LOVIN Ways INCLUDING HOW RYAN LOVES TO BE FUCKED IN THE ASS!! That PRETTY FACE TEARS THRU DOGDICK FASTER THAN A HOT KNIFE THRU BUTTER!!!!

WATCHOUT AND RUN, HIDE OR DUCK!! JILLIAN IS IN MASSIVEDOGGYHEAT & COMING FOR YOUR DOG!!#Sacramento has the best in the business when it comes to #kinkPorn #HumiliationPorn #DaddyDaughterKinkRolePlay as no City can Compare as Sacramento has #KinkFest2021 #SlurpFest2021 & more coming soon and to a city near you. #StayTuned to #KnottiCalKnotties & #KinkFest2021 OMG!! This lady and man kinkout roleplay Makenna and Allison in RolePlay PORN videos!! Yes deviants of the highest order! Ran into their partner in morally corrupt activities online in REDDIT SacramentoGoneWild and then again on

https://escortindex.com/ad/sanjose/916-559-1678/1/1170156

Their partner is Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones out of Sacramento and she fucked 4 dogs that my friend owns and 3 more of his buddies. Jillian was convicted of Bestiality in 2019 in Sacramento CA . STAY AWAY AS THE EXPERIENCE MEETING THESE 3;HAS BEEN AN ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE!!

THEY USE MULTIPLE PHONE NUMBERS AND EMAIL ADDRESSES. 916-705-1643 916-370-4031 916-893-9164

JILLIANJNS@ICLOUD.COM

RYANQUIST@YMAIL.COM

JILLIAN WORKS AT BRIDGES INC. IN SACRAMENTO AND KINKS OUT EVERYONE EVERYTHING. Jillian aka Vanna Sweets the Sacramento and Bay Area CA Prostitutes who Rob's men and is HPV+ and has Cervical Herpes!! All of this is ABSOLUTELY TRUE!! WATCH OUT!!

MaCUNTa is a straight CUNT ALLiFUCK LOVES TO STRAIGHT FUCK and ALLiSUCK is her little bratty ass sissy who LOVES TO SUCK.

#StrategiesForChange #AddictionCounselor #JillianLeAnnQuistJones Convicted of #Bestiality in 2019 for fucking Dogs while pregnant #Sacramento CA

This rehab facility Strategies For Change has a lady working there as an Addiction Therapist who was convicted of Bestiality in 2019 for having Sexual Interactions and Gross Sexual Assault on K9 Dogs while she was pregnant. The therapist name is Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones NPI # 1598305518 The fact is Jillian offended and disrespected my FRIEND and Jillian's Client whom Jillian is a Therapist for by engaging in conversation involving Dogs and Bestiality and letting my friend and Jillian's Client that Jillian is very much into Bestiality and enjoys it and is STILL ACTIVELY PARTICIPATING IN HAVING SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH DOGS! My friend is an Addict and reported this to management at Strategies For Change and it's as though they didn't care or didn't believe my friend as she is just looked upon as being a dillusional druggie with no credibility and is just fabricating this elaborate story. THE FACT IS JILLIAN WAS CRIMINALLY CONVICTED IN SACRAMENTO CA ON BESTIALITY CHARGES WHILE PREGNANT NO LESS AND IS STILL ENGAGING IN SEX ACTS WITH DOGS TO THIS VERY DAY ACCORDING TO WHAT JILLIAN TOLD MY FRIEND. IN ADDITION JILLIAN WAS HIGH ON crystal meth while giving therapy to my friend and even went so far as to offer it to my friend and unfortunately my friend did accept and Jillian and her client got high together after their therapy session. Jillian even showed my friend all the websites that have porn videos of her engaging in sex acts with dogs and having group sex and engaging in all sorts of different sexual kink fetish type sexual encounters and even having roleplay daddy daughter fetish sex and using her own daughters Makenna and Allison Quist as the girls engaging in sex with their own father Ryan Quist and role playing Makenna and Allison having sex with their own father in these kink fetish domination daddy daughter type fantasies that Jillian plays out with guys in these porn videos that are online and Jillian is using her own daughters names and just throwing her young daughters names out there and all over porn video websites!! And to top it off Jillian goes by Vanna Sweets and is a Sacramento Escort Prostitute who solicits sex for pay. This lady should not be in a position of offering professional services such as Professional Addiction Therapy when Jillian herself is ADDICTED TO METH HEROIN DOG DICK AND KINK INCEST ROLEPLAY PORN!! SHE IS THE WORST OF THE WORST!! Jillian MUST HAVE HER LICENSE SUSPENDED AND HER NPI # REVOKED!! THIS IS BEING TAKEN AS FAR AS IT NEEDS BE TO GET RESULTS AND ACTION BEING TAKEN AND THE PRESSURE AND MEDIA BLITZ WILL NOT END UNTIL JILLIAN IS REMOVED FROM BEING ABLE TO OFFER PROFESSIONAL THERAPY!! TRUST ME THIS LADY IS NOT FIT TO OFFER PROFESSIONAL SERVICE'S SUCH AS ADDICTION THERAPY!! ITS A BLOODY SHAME!! AND SHAME ON HER AND WHOMEVER EVEN THINKS ABOUT HAVING THIS CREEP OF A LADY REPRESENT AND WORK FOR THEIR COMPANY BUT BE PREPARED FOR THE MEDIA BACK LASH AND the BLITZ KRIEG YOU WILL RECEIVE JUST WATCH!! HELL HAS NO FURY LIKE THIS MOTHER F'er SCORN!! AND IF ALL THAT WASN'T ENOUGH THERE'S EVEN A YOUTUBE VIDEO OF HER CALLING SOMEBODY THE "N" WORS!! THE INFAMOUS N -WORD!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT SHE'S ALSO A RACIST BIGOT!!

[arcanesupern0va]

Rick In The Water; Ch11: Exit Wounds

Summary: The night of Ryan's death from Nova's perspective.

A/N: This chapter was so fucking hard to write. It broke my heart to put myself in the fucking shoes of Ryan and say such horrifying things about my bb. The next chapter will deal with Nova dealing with the trauma of the aftermath of everything that happened. My poor sweet girl 😭 Also, next time I do interwoven chapters I will absolutely try to do them so much better. I wasn't thinking about using the hospital scene in this chapter but I wanted to kind of try to explain why she was acting the way she was and I just don't think it's the best. It's not the most important part of the chapter so I'm going to leave it alone. I tried really hard to word it right but I just couldn't get it to feel the way I wanted it to within the parameters I'd set in the last chapter. In any case, this story is a trial and error of me trying to hone my skill again after years of being unable to focus long enough to tell a story of this caliber and length so I just kind of hope you guys bear that in mind when you're reading. Thank you so much for reading and commenting, it really means the world to me! -Jess♥ CW: There is heavy violence and extremely abusive language within. Please continue with caution. Pairing: Rick Sanchez/Reader Word Count: 7179

My ao3

Masterlist

|Ch10: Nothing Follows, Nothing Stays| 

+Nova+

The previous night

The car ride to get Madison was the kind of terse silence that should be used to torture information out of violent offenders. I was ‘lucky’ to even be brought along on the trip but rumors that I had become a recluse was tarnishing Ryan’s reputation earned me my first painful steps out of the house.

“You have one hour. I want you looking put together and refined,” he demanded sharply. I had been in the kitchen, scrubbing the counters down as per his request when he stormed in angrily. “People think you’ve become some fucked up hermit after losing your job. I’m going to see to it that you put an end to it.” I nodded obediently, dropping what minuscule crumbs that had been on the counter in the trash and hurried upstairs.

I was in and out of the shower in a flash, sitting down at my vanity to dry and style my hair. I avoided meeting my own eyes in the mirror, unable to bear the sight of the large bruise that circled my eye, courtesy of a misinterpreted offhand comment. I brought my hair into a high braided bun, simple enough but also didn’t allow any extra leverage if Ryan decided I had done something to upset him. I started on makeup, struggling to make any real change to the dark circle. I went over to my closet, retrieving a long halter sundress and a light cardigan to cover the hand-shaped bruises that covered my arms and legs. I posed in the mirror meekly, surveying myself carefully. The dark around my eye still drew the most attention so I dug around for a little while, finally extracting a pair of large sunglasses from an old purse. Their tint was dark enough to mask the bruising while the frame large enough to cover it.

I returned to the vanity to touch up my lipstick but I found myself staring out into space as anxiety seeped into my resolve. I was terrified of having to confront him, all these bruises, my busted lip; they had all been for this night. Once Madison got home, I was going to wait until Ryan went to sleep for the night and finally make my escape. The plan was to go straight to Beth’s house. If Ryan showed up, the cops could be called or if worse came to worst, Rick would just kill him. It was tempting but the thought of Madison growing up without a father who loved her reminded me too much of how I grew up. I couldn’t let that happen to her too.

I couldn’t let her end up like me.

“What in the fuck are you doing? We’re going to be late!” Ryan swore as he flung the bedroom door open, glaring down as he surveyed my outfit carefully. “I guess this will have to do, put on those sunglasses. We’ve got to fucking go.”

I grabbed the closest pair of shoes, unfortunately not my trusty running shoes, but a pair of high heeled wedges. Ryan grew frustrated quickly as he watched me wobble across the carpeted floor, grabbing my wrist to pull me behind him. I managed the first few steps but stumbled despite my best efforts, colliding into the wall as a sharp pain shot through both my ankle and my brow line. Ryan groaned in frustration as blood trickled down the curve of my nose.

“You have got to be fucking kidding.”

He released my wrist with enough force to send it in to the wall as well. The old wound ached at the impact as tears streamed down my face. I limped into the bathroom, gingerly inspecting the damage in the mirror. A large gash now split my brow as blood continued pouring out. Wetting a washcloth, I pressed it to my forehead as I searched for the liquid bandaid I kept for things just like this.

“(Y/N), stop fucking around, let’s fucking go,” Ryan bellowed, walking into the bathroom. He watched my methodical application of what was essentially glue, a small smirk forming over his face at every wince of pain. Was he enjoying this? Was watching me suffer this much of a thrill to him? I returned my sunglasses to my face, relieved when they covered most of my brow line to conceal the wound, pulling my bangs back down to cover the rest. I popped a couple of painkillers to try to mitigate the pain still shooting through my ankle.

“I’m ready,” I announced timidly. I walked carefully, trying to ignore the shooting pain I felt with every step. When I was outside, I didn’t dare look anywhere near the Smith household. I couldn’t see Rick right now. I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to throw myself into his arms again, to feel that overwhelming sense of protection I hadn’t even noticed until it was ripped away from me. I could feel his eyes on me but with Ryan putting on the show of dutiful husband, I couldn’t chance it.

*+*

The drive was long, only the dulcet tones of the talk radio he enjoyed so fervently. A man droned on and on about stocks and their rising and falling but I found my usual comfort in staring out the window. If I closed my eyes for a moment, I could tell myself this was Rick’s ship. I could pretend, even for that short moment, that it was Rick next to me just taking me out on another adventure. The illusion would inevitably be shattered by the mind-numbing voice on the radio, a poor replacement for the low music always playing in Rick's ship.

“When we get home, you may mend your ankle but for the time being you are to act as though nothing is wrong,” he told me as he swerved in and around traffic. “We will be stopping for dinner on the way home, I won’t have time to wait for you to make it yourself.”

“I-I’m sorry-”

“Quiet. I am in no mood to listen to your voice.”

Picking up Madison went as smoothly as I could’ve hoped. The pain killers had their intended effect, numbing the pain enough for me walk smoothly in the high heels. I was able to keep my sunglasses on, never going inside or anywhere else that would have warranted their removal. We made small talk with the other parents and Ryan even told jokes. Everything a normal and happy couple would do; Ryan’s mission seemed to be completed, at least for today. The other parents seemed overjoyed to see me, assuring me of how happy they were as a couple of the husbands nudged him with remarks of how they were glad we hadn’t killed each other yet.

When we finally climbed back into the car, Madison shoved her earbuds into her ears, blasting music to drown out the world around her. Ryan glared into the rearview mirror but said nothing to her, instead, berating me in a low voice for allowing this kind of behavior at all. He begrudgingly stopped at the closest fast-food chain that was still open this late; ordering for the car in the drive-thru before parking the car and divvying out the food. I was given a salad and muttered comments about my weight, my cheeks burning red. It tasted like ash in my mouth but I swallowed every bite knowing there would be repercussions if I left a single leaf to waste.

I was relieved when our exit finally appeared, knowing the car ride from hell was almost over. This life from hell was almost over. It was dark now, my sunglasses now being used for me to fiddle with anxiously. I straightened up in my seat, earning me a reproachful look from Ryan as he looked me over suspiciously. I slunk back into the seat at his piercing gaze and returned to the window, praying silently that this nightmare would truly be over soon.

I dared a glance at the Smith house as we pulled into the driveway, surprised to find the garage dark with the shutter still wide open. As Ryan delegated tasks to me, I dared a glance over to the garage, spotting a familiar blue glistening in the moonlight. I offered the most minute of smiles at the garage but the feeling of protection allowed to smile to linger allowing Ryan to quickly put two and two together.

“Madison, take this inside,” he ordered, handing her suitcase to her. He watched her disappear inside, before gripping my arm tightly.

“Don’t fucking think I didn’t fucking see that,” Ryan muttered as he twisted my arm behind my back. “Get in the fucking house.”

Obediently, I grabbed as many of Madison’s belongings as I could and carried them into the house without a second glance to Rick. Tonight was only going to work if I was careful. If I wanted to get out of this house with Madison and me intact, I had to focus on the task at hand, not Rick. I carried Madi’s bags up to her room, stopping to kick my wedges off by the door. My ankle cried out in anguish as I made my way up the stairs to her room, the painkillers finally wearing off. I knocked gently before pushing her door open to find her sitting on the side of her bed scrolling through her social media accounts and catching up with her friends.

“Sweetheart, why don’t you come downstairs?” I asked, sitting the bags down by the bed and holding my hand out to her. If she was distracted, she wouldn’t unpack. If she didn’t unpack, she would be ready to go as soon as possible.

“No, that’s okay Mom,” she replied, not even looking up from her phone, “Dad seems like he’s in another mood. I’ll just hang out up here.”

“I’ve missed you, sweetheart.”

My eyes welled with tears as I played with hair, twirling it around my fingers. Her brown hair was longer, almost reaching the small of her back. The sun had done well to lighten it a few shades in exchange for deepening her tan over the summer. She looked older and her general demeanor had seemed to mature as well.

“I missed you too, Mom,” she groaned, detaching from her phone long enough to smile up at me before immediately returning to it.

“I guess I’ll just leave you to your phone,” I teased. Kissing her head softly, she groaned at me loudly again before I finally took pity on her and left the room, leaving her to her friends to catch up. I stopped quickly in my bedroom, changing out of my long dress and into a tank top and sweats before taking a deep breath, steadying myself before heading back down the stairs.

“What were you and Madison talking about?” Ryan demanded, stepping out of the living room with a furious glare plastered on his face as my foot came in contact with the bottom step.

“N-Nothing Ryan,” I blurted out, stumbling back in surprise, “I just told her I missed her and asked if she wanted to come downstairs and spend time with us.”

“Mhm.” He watched my face carefully as I slipped around him into the living room, trying to find any inkling of a lie. “You really think I don’t know what you’re up to?”

“U-Up to? I’m not up to anything!” I lied, proving only to make him angrier.

“You’re going to take Madi and try to run away tonight, aren’t you?” he accused as he followed me, hysterics beginning to leak into his voice. “You are not taking my daughter anywhere and I will be damned if I let you go running back to your senior special.”

“R-Ryan, I am h-here. With you. Not Rick-”

“Don’t say his fucking name,” he spat. “You sound fucking pathetic.”

“Ryan, it was nothing. What happened between him and me, it meant nothing-”

“Shut your fucking mouth (Y/N). I don’t need you fucking insulting me. I’m not fucking stupid, at least not completely. I don’t know what’s been wrong with me this past fucking summer but that shit is over with. You are my fucking wife until death does us part. Don’t fucking make me speed up that process.”

“Ryan-”

“I fucking said shut up,” he bellowed, using the back of his hand to throw me into the couch. “Don’t you fucking start crying either. Don’t start fucking screaming. If anyone shows up here, I don’t care if it’s a fucking Mormon missionary going door to door, you’re going to fucking regret it. But don’t worry, you won’t die. Although, I'm not sure what the life expectancy is for a mother who lost a child violently.” He paused, eyeing me maliciously as the true threat of his words sunk in. “You’re out of control (Y/N) and I will do whatever it takes to put a stop to it and restore order to this house.”

I didn’t speak, but I couldn’t stop the silent tears that streaked down my cheeks. He had gone too far threatening Madison. I brought my hand to the stinging on my face and it seemed that even silent, the emotion still offended him. He grabbed my shoulders, shaking me violently as veins bulged in his forehead.

“I fucking told you not to cry.”

His shaking was getting harder yet, my head flinging forward and back sharply. I knew if I didn’t start fighting back soon, he wouldn’t stop until he snapped my neck. I brought my arms up between his to push his hands away from me, managing to take him by surprise and break out of his grip. I slid out of his reach, crawling away as he recovered. He caught up quickly, grabbing my ankle and pulling me back to him on my stomach. He flipped me over, doling punishment out by colliding his knuckles into my cheek violently as I tried to squirm away. On my back, I was able to deliver a swift kick to his groin, dodging out of the way of his onslaught. I pushed myself off the floor as he doubled over gasping for air. In a last-ditch attempt to buy myself some time as I fled the living room, I quickly flipped the light switch, plunging the room into darkness.

I headed to the kitchen, desperate for any kind of weapon to defend myself with. I could hear him groaning behind me so I flicked the light off behind me, trying to silently root for any sharp object to keep him at bay.

“Where are you, you stupid bitch?” he growled into the darkness. I sunk against the counter, trying to keep out of sight as he searched for the light switch. Light poured around me as I pressed myself against the counter, listening for his footsteps to edge toward my location. I tried desperately to press the panic button Rick had implanted in my hand what felt like ages ago. I never stopped trying to use it even though I knew it was in vain. A small part of me hoped that he could repair his, that he would realize I needed his help but it all seemed so hopeless. Deep down I was sure he had taken my words to heart. He had given up on me.

“If you stop this stupid shit, I promise I’ll make it fucking quick.” His footsteps turned around the kitchen island I hid behind, breaking me from my feelings of hopelessness as I continued inching around the island, trying to get around it before he could find me.

“I never understood why they called you Nova, you know? You, a star? That’s fucking comical,” he taunted, trying to lure me out. “The most you are is a fucking black hole.”

My ankle spasmed under my weight as I turned the corner and my position was blown when I face-planted onto the floor. He chuckled darkly as he rounded the island, glaring down at me.

“The reason they call me Nova wasn’t because of fucking stars you idiot,” I hissed, pulling myself off the floor with the knife extended in front of me. “If you’d ever paid a fucking iota of attention you’d know it was from fucking Planet of the fucking Apes. There was a charact-”

“You really must be a fucking moron if you think I actually give a fuck.” He shook his head in disbelief before launching himself at me. The impact forced me back into the wall, my head coming in contact with the wall and everything going dark.

*+*

“I’ve spent way too long fantasizing about this.”

My eyes blinked, quickly adjusting to the inky darkness of my bedroom. My back rested against the foot of my bed as Ryan stood over me, sneering as I returned to consciousness. I tried to stand, only earning another backhand for my insolence. The small chair from my vanity became the next subject of his rage as he picked it up and broke one of the legs off. He inspected the sharpest end before turning to face me again.

“My parents told me women with bad childhoods were guaranteed whores, but you always seemed so fucking genuine. Somehow, my stupid ass fell in love with you and God only knows why I went and had a baby with you.”

“You’ve never loved anything in your life,” I hissed weakly.

“You’re probably right, it always kind of seemed like a waste of my fucking time,” he nodded, “but there I was, getting married to a girl with every red flag my parents warned me about. Mommy didn’t love you? Check. Daddy maybe loved you too much? Check. Abandoned by most of the adults she came in contact with? Fucking home run.”

“You’re fucking wrong.”

“Oh come the fuck off of it (Y/N),” he glowered, “The only reason I wanted you was because I already knew you could be beaten into submission if that’s what it took. You’d spent your entire life that way, you wouldn’t even know the fucking difference.”

“Fuck you.”

“I could make time for that if you wanted.” He offered darkly, his eyes glittering with malice before rolling at my cowered form. “It wouldn’t be worth it, you’d only be thinking of Colonel Blimp next door.”

“What are you going to tell Madison?” I asked desperate to change the subject. “How are you going to explain to her that you killed her mother? She’s not going to just forgive you. She's smarter than you've ever given her credit for.”

“I don’t give a fuck about that stupid brat,” he scoffed with another roll of his eyes. “She’s too fucking much like you.”

I couldn’t muster a reply. My blood ran cold as my heart raced with fury. He watched my face, seeming to relish in the fear of my revelation. He truly did not want me to have anything. My daughter, my friends, they were all allowed purely because they could be taken away.

“Why me?” I uttered finally, tears brimming in my eyes as I watched him twirl the broken chair leg around in his hand.

“You were pathetic. I took you home and fucked you on the first date.” He shrugged smugly. “I knew your kind, I knew the words that it would take to get what I wanted from you.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a calming breath before pushing myself off of the floor to look at the man who had made my life a living hell in the eyes. I groaned as I put pressure on my ankle only to stumble back onto the bed. Ryan laughed at the sight, his chuckling continuing as I awkwardly pushed myself back up, swaying as I stared up at him.

“Like I said, you abusive piece of shit, you don’t fucking know me at all.”

My words set him off and he pushed me back into the bed, my head ricocheting off the headboard with a loud yelp. I stood back up, my head spinning from the impact as I tried to catch my balance again. Being disoriented made it easy for Ryan to overpower me again, forcing me back onto the floor and holding the chair leg to my stomach.

“When are you going to fucking learn (Y/N)? You’re fucking nothing,” he declared smugly, pushing the improvised weapon into my stomach. I cried out as it broke my skin, pain searing out from the wound through my entire body. My body screamed at me to fight against him but with every minuscule movement, he drove the spike in deeper.

“Rick-” I cried out weakly, my voice raw with pain.

“He won’t save you, (Y/N). Why would he want to? He left you once before and it seems it was easy for him to do it again. Where is your savior (Y/N)? Why isn't he here to save you if he loved you so much?”

A light appeared under the doorway, calling my attention to it quickly. The door burst open quickly, relief coursing through my body. Ryan was wrong. He had come to save me.

“M-Mom?” Madi stepped in nervously, stepping in the pool of blood that had formed next to me. “D-Dad, what are you doing? Stop hurting her!”

“You should’ve stayed in bed Madison,” Ryan hissed, driving the spike into my gut completely, leaving me to scream out in pain.

I clawed desperately at the wood now buried in my gut as Ryan chased Madi out of the room, trailing my blood behind him. He returned mere seconds later, a crazed look forming over his face as he lumbered back over to me, picking me up by the straps of my tank top. He drew back, bringing his fist down to crash into my cheek repeatedly. I wanted to fight back, to do anything to stop his assault but my arms only hung loosely by my sides as broken English began pouring out of his mouth. The ringing in my ears prevented me from understanding a word he was saying and my eyes were swelling shut so when he abruptly stopped, I simply assumed I was dead.

“Nova!” A  gruff voice cut desperately through the ringing and I swore I saw the blue hair that reminded me of home as I finally allowed myself to slip into darkness.

*+*

That man sure has an oddly shaped head.

“She’s going to need to be put under, we have to open this wound further to get the shards of wood out.”

I wonder if his brain is the same shape as his head, he must be really smart.

“Sh-She was attacked, I-I think she was stabbed with a wooden spike.”

He sounds like Rick. I miss him so much, where is he? Where is Rick? He said he would save me.

“Sir, I promise you, we will help her. You just have to allow us the space to do so.”

“H-Her name is Nova. P-Please, don’t let anything happen to her. I can’t- I can’t lose her.”

Rick?

*+*

The world around me was dense, lush forest surrounded us as Rick and I sat hand in hand as we watched the waterfall in the distance cascade into the small river beneath it. I dared to glance over to him, receiving a playful smile as he averted his gaze. I giggled, turning my own gaze away, I peeked over again only to find Ryan in his stead, leering down at me viciously. My blood ran cold as I saw Rick’s mangled body beside him, contorted into an unnatural form as he stretched his arm out to me desperately before Ryan finished him off. With one last crushing blow from his boot, Ryan extinguished any form of life in Rick’s eyes, something he assured me of by bringing the optical gore mere inches away from my face. I cringed, looking down to avoid the view only to find the chair leg wedged into my gut once more. I looked up again desperately, only to find myself completely alone save for the gurgling corpse a couple of feet away.

“He’ll never be able to protect you from me (Y/N). You can run as far away as you want but I will always find you.”

“Nova? Is that your name?” a gentle voice asked. I blinked as I awoke, wincing from the blaring light filling the room. I slammed my eyes shut again as the voice asked his question again and the bed lowered next to me as he sat down.

“N-Nova,” I rasped, trying to nod in confirmation. My neck was stiff, making any movement impossible. “Wh-Where am I?”

“You’re in an alien hospital. Well, it’s alien to you, to me it’s just a hospital,” he informed me genially. I tried to open my eyes again, squinting to find the same oddly shaped head I’d seen in my dream.

“H-How’d I get here?”

“Your family brought you in. You had a deep wound to your torso.” My eyes widened as I brought my hands to my stomach, surprised to find none of the pain it provided previously. Instead, a low ache reverberated throughout, far more manageable than the searing pain from before.

“Wh-What happened to me? My husband- Ryan, he-he…” I fumbled my words, tears stinging my eyes at the memory.

“We were able to repair the damage done by the wooden spear he lodged into you,” the doctor informed me, “You’ll be back to normal in no time my dear, just have to wait for the stitches to heal away. They’re medicated with a serum that hastens the healing process. It should only take about a week until you’re back to normal, physically speaking.”

“M-My family, where is my daughter?” I asked tearfully, taking time to survey the room, expecting them to pop out at any moment.

“She’s out in the waiting room with the rest of your family and when you’re ready, we can send them back. We should also be able to discharge you soon, as long as you’re feeling up to it.” I nodded eagerly, sitting up a little to be more presentable. He smiled wisely, saying nothing more as he left the room presumably to go find my family. I continued straightening myself up, taking a moment to peek under the hospital gown to get a look at the long scar now gracing my body.

“Mom!” Madison cried out as she entered the room, rushing to my side a tearful mess. I held her tightly, patting her back soothingly as she wept and muttered apologies into my hair, “Mom, I’m sorry. I should’ve done something sooner, I should’ve tried to stop him, I was just so scared. I’m so sorry.”

“Baby, there’s nothing you could’ve done. You did the right thing, getting out of there and going to Beth’s. I’m so proud of you.” I left a watery kiss on her hairline, as Beth finished talking to the doctor, turning to survey me.

“Nova, how are you feeling? What happened?” she asked urgently, finally tearing her gaze away from the pulp I called a face.

“Jeez Mom, calm the hell down,” Summer chastised her before I could answer. She met my gaze with a watery one of her own, “Aunt Nova, I’m so glad you’re alright.” Madison left my side briefly, allowing her surrogate sister to hug me tightly. As Summer pulled away wiping away her tears, my eyes fell to Beth again, decidedly ignoring the lanky man who’d been watching me intently with a look of painful regret.

“I’m okay you guys,” I assured Beth, “The man with the oddly shaped head said I’ll be able to leave whenever I’m ready.” She forced herself into my arms, sobbing into my shoulder.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you, Nova,” she sobbed. I rubbed her back as I’d done for Madi before she abruptly pulled away, wiping away her tears roughly. “He’s gone, Nova, he’s dead.”

My eyes flicked to Rick quickly, trying to fight the horrified rage boiling into my gut. Ryan was dead and Rick had been the one to kill him. Exactly what I hadn’t wanted to happen. I couldn’t be completely enraged, but it was easier and more justifiable to just be angry. How was I going to explain this to the police? I was going to lose Rick for sure now, and despite the feeling of relief welling in my gut, an inexplicable heartbreak was squashing it down at the thought of losing him when I finally became free to have him. If even he still wanted me.

“What happened?” I asked quietly, finally meeting Rick’s sorrowful gaze.

“His heart gave out. I didn’t even have to lay a finger on him, it was pretty anticlimactic really,” he explained with a careless shrug. Just the sound of his voice was making my heart race and a part of me wanted to climb out of the bed and fling myself into his arms but I hardened myself to him, turning to Madi instead.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart,” I offered to her softly. She would never know the cruel things her father said about her, she knew he was a monster, but she could at least live under the illusion of his unending love for her.

“I’m glad he’s dead Mom,” she told me sharply, standing up from the bed.

“Y-You don’t mean that sweetheart.” I insisted. I didn’t want this for her, I didn’t want her to go through the same pain I went through. I pulled the blanket off of my lap, relishing in the cool air the swirl around my legs.

“I do mean that. Dad was a monster a-and after what he did to you? He deserved to die,” she assured me coldly. I didn't have it in me to convince her otherwise and I slumped back onto the bed in defeat.

“N-Nova, sweetie, what happened?” Beth asked cautiously, her eyes flitting to Summer’s quickly to stave off another interruption.

“I-I don’t want to talk about it, not here.” I brushed her off, standing up from the bed, a ghost of a pain shooting through my ankle. I was grateful it hadn’t lingered, seemingly repaired along with my other egregious injuries. I moved to the chair next to the bed where I found a bag containing my clothes.

“When we get home, I promise I’ll explain.”

Beth conceded, ushering the kids out of the room so I could change. I dug through the bag, dismayed to find only the blood-soaked clothes I been wearing when I got here. Rick stayed behind, still watching me awkwardly as I pulled the stained sweats out of the bag.

“D-Do you need some help?” he offered timidly as the door shut with a click. I shook my head quickly, stubbornly pulling the sweats on under the gown. “Y-You don’t have to wear those, I can get you something else.”

“No Rick, don’t worry about it,” I hissed, pulling the sweats up over my hips before grabbing my shirt.

“Come on Nova, let me get you something else, let me help you-”

I took a deep breath, trying to stop the anger and terror I had been living with for the past few months from boiling to the surface. I didn't want to snap, I knew I had hurt him but as my gaze found Rick, despite the look of sorrow that seemed to be a permanent fixture on his face, the sight of him only made me angrier. All of that talk of protecting me and he still fucking left me high and dry. Again.

“Oh, now you want to fucking help?”

He grabbed the shirt out of my hands, solidifying my anger as I spun around, looking up at him with all the hate I could muster. Every feeling of hopelessness and terror coursed through me as I looked into the eyes of the man who claimed he wouldn’t leave me, not again. Not unless I asked.

“Y-Yes?” he sputtered, looking confused at the sudden turn of my mood.

“That’s pretty fucking funny, could’ve used it a lot fucking sooner.” I yanked the shirt back out of his hands, pulling it over my head.

“N-Nova, you told me to leave you alone. You told me you didn’t want me anymore. I didn’t know what to do, B-Beth thought you were waiting for Madi to come home-”

“N-No!” I bellowed back at him, “I mean a fucking hours ago when my husband almost fucking killed me.”

“Wh-What? I was there as soon as I could be- as soon as I heard anything,” he insisted, running his hands through his hair.

“The moment we walked in the door, it was over. He was out for my fucking blood.”

“I-I didn’t hear anything Nova, I’m sorry,” he apologized. Seeing him look completely defeated, my rage softened. Rick was someone who was always five steps ahead. Seeing him like this, looking so lost, broke my heart. “You didn’t use your panic button- I was going to get you out of there tonight, I-I didn’t know.”

“I did use my fucking panic button,” I assured him venomously. Just as soon as my heart softened to him, the mention of that useless fucking piece of technology enraged me all over again. “But I guess it doesn’t fucking work when the body housing its receiver is floating through the fucking vacuum of space.”

I watched as the blood drained out his face at the realization and I couldn't help but feel justified by his reaction. I had come to terms with it, knowing he hadn’t even thought of it since we hadn’t even used it since I moved in with Beth. I couldn’t blame him, not entirely. It hadn’t crossed my mind either and when I left, it had been so abrupt- there had been no time.

“I didn’t- I didn’t even think about that,” he confessed, despondent, “I just thought- I mean I heard you guys fighting but I thought if he was hurting you-”

“I used that fucking panic button every fucking night.”

“I’m sorry, Nova, I’m so fucking sorry. I let you down,” he murmured sadly, staring at the floor.

“I thought you gave up on me. I know what I said to you was cruel but I thought you would be smart enough to see right through it. Guess you let your ego get in the way.” My voice was distant, unable to sustain my anger anymore. I didn’t want to be upset with him, I lived, I was going to be okay, at least physically.

“Baby, I’m sorry,” he cried. The sound of his wavering voice crumbled my resolve, allowing me to finally move closer to him, prepared to offer him some comfort, “I never gave up on you. I just-I thought you had a plan, that you were just waiting for Madison- I just let myself believe what you said so I wouldn’t beat down the door and put her at risk.”

“I was waiting for Madi. You were at least right about that,” I relented, pulling the torn and bloodied shirt off with the gown underneath. I watched as his eyes found the scar that now distorted my torso. “I can’t wear this shit, can you find me something else?” I offered, extending a metaphorical olive branch.

“Of course.”

He opened up a portal stepping through it and re-emerging with fresh clothes, including undergarments and my running shoes.

“Did you just go into my house?” I asked, almost horrified at the clothes presented to me.

“I mean, I don’t know your sizes, I just figured-”

“These are fine, thank you, Rick,” I interrupted him, pulling off my sweats, tossing them and the tank top into the trash. It was somehow strange to be standing here, completely naked in front of him but I didn’t shy away, didn’t take any extra care to hide my dignity. He wasn’t leering down at me like I was a piece of meat, he just wore a look of concern carried in his furrowed brow.

“Beth knows,” Rick told me softly as I finished tying my shoes. I froze a moment, looking up at him in horror at the implication.

“Sh-She knows…?”

“About us,” he confirmed with a curt nod.

“H-How did she- Oh she must be furious,” I rambled, running my hands through my hair as I started pacing.

“She’s not mad,” Rick assured me, grabbing my shoulders to stop me in my tracks, “She thinks it's… strange but she said it kind of made… sense?”

“Sh-She did?”

He nodded quickly, pulling me into his embrace. I melted into him completely, finally able to allow myself to release the stress on my shoulders. There was so much. Burying Ryan, dealing with the police, the house but right now in Rick’s arms, that all fell along the wayside.

*+*

It didn't take long for my entire world to fall apart. The moment I stepped through that portal, it seemed the entire world felt wrong. Gone was the comforting, if not brazen lights of the hospital. I spent my first week back dealing with the police answering every single one of their difficult questions.

“Where did the blood come from?”

“What happened that night, is it possible you did something to set him off?”

“Your injuries have never been reported and you have no visible wounds, we have no history of abuse in this household.”

Rick had offered to just make Ryan’s body disappear but I knew there would be people who would be looking for him, his parents, his coworkers. This path, however, resulted in me spending a night in jail. It didn't last long though, Rick stormed in demanding I be set free within the first hour I was there. When he was met with opposition, he merely nodded and asked to speak to the chief of police to straighten things out. He would never fully explain what he said to the man but when he emerged from the now docile police chief's office, I was released and free of all charges. My house was still a crime scene but I had no interest in going home. Beth eagerly welcomed me back into her home instead, clearing out Jerry’s office completely to put a bed in, allowing me some form of sanctuary. She even snuck over to my house and grabbed my living room TV to mount on the wall for added comfort.

This didn’t stop the frequent nightmares, however. Most nights I would wake up screaming, and depending who woke up first either Rick or Beth would appear to soothe me. Despite this, Rick and I hadn’t returned to our previous level of comfort with one another and I desperately missed it. The little kisses snuck in whenever there had been an opportunity, him playing with my hair while we watched TV… I missed it all. I missed it and yet I couldn't quite bring myself to broach the topic.

“Nova,” Beth called, knocking on my door softly one afternoon, about a week after I’d been released from custody. I knew why she was here already, she wanted to talk about Rick, about what happened before and after Ryan’s death. All the things I desperately wanted to avoid. I had given her cliff notes of that night and she seemed to be satisfied. Now she was just interested in understanding my relationship with her father.

“Come in,” I sighed wearily, gearing up for the conversation I had been dreading. I focused my attention on my TV, desperately trying to seem invested in whatever adult cartoon was playing to put it off even another minute longer.

“Nova, I wanted to talk to you,” Beth started, her eyes flicking up to the TV. I sighed again, muting it as I turned to her. “I just wanted to talk about you and… Dad.”

“I figured as much,” I conceded, cringing at her. “What, within reason, do you wanna know?”

“Well, how did this start?” She asked timidly, not quite able to meet my eyes.

“When he came back,’ I assured her, resting my hand on hers.

“I-I know that. I meant, when after he came back?” she pressed gently.

And so I launched into our sordid story. Starting with the dampener and only editing some of the details like the encounter with Unity and the first time we’d slept together, mostly just to save her the trauma. I told her about the Council of Ricks and how Ricks and Novas were a common occurrence in most of the dimensions. He and I were just two people that fit together like puzzle pieces. She stayed silent as I spoke but I took care to note that she wasn’t angry, she wasn’t upset, if anything, she almost looked satisfied.

“Ryan caught us i-in the garage. We had been… m-making out and he had walked over, looking for me. That’s when he dragged me out. That’s the end of our story,” I concluded, unsuccessfully fighting the mournful tone from creeping into my voice.

“Why do you say it’s the end?” Beth asked, her brow furrowing the same as her father's would when logic seemed to run out.

“I hurt him and he hurt me.” I shrugged. “And for once, his part was actually accidental whereas I broke his heart to save my daughter.”

“As bizarre as this feels to tell you, I think you need to give my dad a little more credit,” Beth chuckled softly. I cocked my brow at her and she elaborated, “I just mean- I talked to him the night Ryan died, about you. About what this thing is between you two. I think you need to talk to him, sort this stuff out and see if you can’t move past your pain.”

“If Rick had anything he wanted to say to me, he would’ve already. He’s not exactly a beat around the bush kind of guy,” I told her flatly, returning my gaze to the TV.

“Dad also doesn’t do emotions,” Beth reminded me gently, “When you’re ready, just try talking to him, okay?”

I nodded softly, as Beth stood up and thanked me before leaving the room. I stared into the TV as I considered her words, finding them to be the most obvious path but I couldn’t will myself off of the bed to go confront my issues. I’d had enough of confronting issues in the past two weeks to last me a lifetime and I just wasn’t eager to run off and go fight some more. I rolled over, tucking my blanket under my chin as I curled up into a ball and the haze of exhaustion flooded over me immediately. The dulcet sound of the TV lulled me to sleep and I didn’t even bother trying to fight it.

+Down With The Rickness - Ch1: Such Small Hands+

[invisiblemime]

The State of Florida tried to take my fucking driver's licence over a ticket i'd already paid so i had to drive an hour to the fucking courthouse and stand in front of this poor dude who was honestly just trynna do his fuckin job while he explained that they somehow pulled up the wrong file and when i gave them my whole ass paycheck a week ago it payed someone else's fucking ticket but from somewhere deep inside of me, the rage of every middle-aged woman who's skinny soy caramel latte i didn't add fucking caramel drizzle to because that wouldn't make it "skinny" anymore but i should've saw that she "needed the pick-me-up today" and added it anyway, came forth and fucking blasted the unfortunate bastard like he'd just told me my 6-year-old Nutrigrain coupons weren't valid, fucking charged thru the courthouse like Karen in windixie after she got home to find that not only did her husband leave her for his young golf caddy, Kevin, because he refused to let her name their only daughter Pryimmerosé, but she was charged full-price for bogo quinoa and the worker in his little cubical was the min wage cashier desperately looking for his manager. anyway, that's all you gotta do to clear your record apparently.

[spelunk]

1-10 :)

:•)💖

1: did you ever think you were straight?

oh yes unfortunately:/ until i joined tumblr when i was 12 i didn’t even know being gay was a thing like i’d legit just. never had it explained to me. and even after i joined and found out i still was in denial for a few months but look at me now babey!!! riding thru lesbianville havin a fuckin blast

2: what’s your favorite element of gay culture?

literally all of it i love how proud we all are of our identities and i love how gays always stick together like if i didn’t have my gay friends i’d honestly die

3: are you femme, butch, or neither?

butch

4: do you prefer to date femmes or butches?

i rly don’t have a preference! there’s a lot of things i love about both

5: what’s the worst part about being a lesbian?

the hate stares i get from people whenever i leave the house with my dykeass shaved head and men’s clothing:/ but i also love it it makes me more powerful

6: what’s the best part of being a lesbian?

ALL OF IT!!!!!! id like DIE if i was straight

7: how long were you questioning for?

oh geez i learned i wasn’t straight when i was like 13 and for the first year ish i was bouncing around from weird mogai identity to weird mogai identity and for a while i even believed in the split attraction model SHDNSJSJ and i think my longest phase was thinking i was bi (from like. age 14-15) and that’s actually what i came out to my mother as, but now i’m VERY confident that i’m a lesbian

8: what’s the most annoying thing straight people do?

hmm exist

9: what do you look for in a girl?

someone who can make me laugh and also appreciate my horrible jokes and someone who puts up w me even when i’m weird and annoying and don’t realize. also tiddies

10: of you had to marry someone you know right now, who would you choose?

uh fuck uh danielle brooks

[trashylvania]

Great i got my EKG results back from my latest ER visit, and apparently i’ve developed left ventricular hypertrophy, which means that the left portion of the heart muscles responsible for pumping my blood are thickening/enlarging because my heart is working rly hard to beat for some reason 😭 it causes the exact symptoms that keep sending my ass to the ER (significant chest pain w/ a weird distinctive squeezing sensation when the heart beats, dizziness, difficulty breathing, faintness, getting rly tired even when i ain’t doin shit) which, when it worsens, strongly resembles a heart attack, esp bc the blood flow to my left arm gets reduced and causes weakness.

apparently i’m getting closer and closer to a heart attack as this progresses… my risk for stroke (my genes rly favor strokes more than any other infarction) as well as my risk for wild & scary shit like cardiac arrest 😓😓😓

i have none of the conventional risk factors that cause this condition; my blood pressure only ranges between low to optimal, i’m young, i’m not overweight, i don’t have sleep apnea… the only things left are genetics or a mystery medical condition causing it. while i smoke, smoking, in this context, is discouraged bc it can contribute to high blood pressure (which i don’t have.) so that’s not actually impacting this, and if it were truly an urgent/serious problem, my docs would scream at me to quit. but at my age, the damage caused is minimal, and smoking is the least of my problems… it’s acknowledged that while quitting would be great in general, i would still be just as sick as i am now.

now i need to get another echo done, esp bc i haven’t gotten one since i was put on my meds. i’m getting closer to ironically developing the heart failure my meds were created to treat… at 26 years old. the catheterization procedure my heart doc wanted to do wouldn’t solve this issue, my meds are losing control over my arrhythmia now so my heart is starting to speed up again, and somehow my heart is still straining to beat/ causing my heart muscles to thicken to keep up despite the fact that my heart rate WAS controlled very well until recently. even still, my heart rate doesn’t go that far past 130bpm in crisis scenarios, and is only grazing tachy state these days at 100-110bpm. b4 meds, the heart monitor i wore for a week as i went about my day showed that my heart was consistently RAGING at 150-170bpm… that is a CRITICAL, DANGEROUS heart rate in a clinical situation and is considered an emergency. i was just walking around like that, albeit barely. i could hardly breathe back then or even minimally exert myself without risking collapse. i was stuck in bed unless stubbornness led me to fight my way thru going out to run errands or whatever with family. i couldn’t go out alone bc i couldn’t manage and it was too risky to try, but i still made it to doctor appointments.

these days, i’m returning to feeling like death again, just not as debilitated as b4 thx to my meds. like, i’m legit lucky to be here… my heart doc was in shock when he got my monitor results and called me in asap; he wanted to go thru with the procedure right away, but i’m scared that i have V-EDS (as opposed to the less-horrible current dx of H-EDS) bc my family history shows a definite possibility thx to my own research. i’ve slept hard on getting the test bc any hope i have of receiving p much any kind of lifesaving surgery i could ever need is extinguished… i have a distinctly high risk of bleeding out, bc V-EDS already carries a bleed-out risk even with going about my daily life. the catheterization procedure is largely safe and minimally invasive for most ppl, but if i have vascular EDS, the risk of threading a catheter thru my ARTERY is kinda like poking a sleeping giant; nicking an artery could result in an unprecedented level of bleeding, possibly enough to rly fuck me up. i hesitate to go as far as to say ‘it could kill me lmao’ bc i rly don’t want to think about that shit, but it’s not impossible. V-EDS is rare wild shit 👀

also, my sick ass is going for 5000 medical tests on Wednesday; i’m getting a shit ton of blood drawn to test for everything causing my other (non-cardiac) symptoms, bc my heart isn’t a sufficient insult to my health on its own. a distinctly frightening, actual, not exaggerated by my anxiety possibility is that i have lymphoma. seriously. my primary doc warned me about this, using the word 'lymphoma,’ and consulted with an oncologist contact asking when is soonest i can be tested, since i was given prednisone last Wednesday when i was rushed to the ER from radiology bc i had an allergic reaction to the MRI contrast dye (that i’d tolerated in the past, but i guess my body wanted to suddenly complicate shit for no reason.) i’m frequently referred to as 'really sick,’ but it doesn’t fully register; i’m like constantly maintaining some low-level dissociation from it despite being so immersed in it. i tell myself shit like 'rly sick ppl can’t go to class like i am’ even tho i’ve had no choice but to drop this semester (there goes that sweet shred of denial i was clinging to!) and i barely dragged myself thru last semester. like, i can go out to accompany family with running errands (it’s sometimes the most 'going out’ i can manage, provided i sit in the car most of the time, which has become a source of fun for me, idc how 'sad’ it might sound) or take myself out to the doctor. sometimes i can tidy up a bit and do some organizing, but that’s far and few in between. washing my face and hair is forced, and if it’s accomplished, it’s a 'good day.’ crafting is only possible occasionally, when my brain isn’t super foggy, but my heart is kinda holding me up from it altogether lately 😣

yesterday, after another refreshing blast of radiation from the x-ray i got in the ER, i felt amazing. i found new jams to listen to, had a nice shower/washed my hair and face, made coherent 'to-do’ lists, helped my husband pack for his flight 2day, made him a mixtape of like 90 (mostly new) songs i found so he’d have something to listen to on the plane, managed to eat a substantial meal, and even put nice lotion on (which was admittedly a struggle thx to my heart, so i was kinda lightheaded and breathless the whole time, but i smell nice so it was worth it 😎😎😎)

2day, on the other hand, is full of hideous fatigue again, lots of time in bed, pain back at full force, the fun of only being either extremely overheated or covering myself in literally 5 or more blankets, and the lowkey growing disappointment that i might not accomplish anything (no matter how minor) on my relatively modest 'to-do’ list… even tho i have the spirit and mental motivation to do it. if my heart won’t cooperate, it makes everything either an agonizing struggle or turns most of my attempts to do something more worthwhile/fulfilling into almost instant defeat. even tho i’m extremely stubborn and push myself well past my limits just to maintain even a minimally recognizable version of my normal life.

like, it’s shocking how much of an effect the radiation has on me, bc it’s the only variable that’s changed from usual; if i get out of the ER without radiation, i’m even more exhausted the next day, so it’s not i’m invigorated by the 'peace of mind’ that i *didn’t* have a heart attack bc i still have new & unresolved heart shit regardless which certainly doesn’t bring me any sense of peace lmao. when i got spine scans, i felt so good that i actually 4got to take my pain meds for like 2 days afterward. that’s fuckin amazing. after that tho i promptly returned to my usual exhausted, complaining, pained state of seemingly perpetual walking death in which i feel like i’m going to collapse if i do anything requiring even minor physical exertion. it’s kinda weird, and i haven’t found much of anything expanding on this phenomenon in any medical journals or forums that concern my known illnesses. i’m supposing if this could be due to either of the disease groups on the table for me: autoimmune diseases & cancers. lymphoma is making an unfortunately strong case, but would it improve with the small burst of radiation from an x-ray? if so, it seems like it could be pretty treatable in my case, esp if i’m dealing with aggressive & fast-growing lymphoma, which is actually considered to be very curable. it would be the first and only condition of mine that’s actually curable.

the others that remain a possibility are sarcoidosis, which would be systemic for me but still usually affects the lungs to some degree, which is visible on a chest x-ray, which i’ve been receiving… i’d imagine the ER docs would’ve caught it. then again, ER docs are primarily concerned w/ shit that’s acutely life-threatening and tend to avoid dealing with chronic issues. considering the incredible chaos on the floor that night, i could easily see how they’d set that kind of thing to the side for a specialist to deal with.

weirdly, right b4 the ER doc told me that he got my x-ray and that there was no pulmonary embolism like we’d already figured, i could’ve SWORN i’d heard the x-ray guy hand over my x-ray to the ER doc, who spent a while appreciating something unusual on it in hushed voices with sum1 who sounded like my nurse… i could’ve sworn i’d heard the word 'sarcoidosis’ (which is kinda hard to mis-hear) but he could’ve been talking about anybody there i guess. ER docs who find sarcoidosis in patients’ xrays will disregard it if it’s asymptomatic, which about half of the cases are i think. i was there for my heart, but since cardiac sarcoidosis is v rare and a mess for anybody other than a specialist, i could imagine that being put aside for my team to handle in a clinical setting. ER docs are hesitant to bring up stuff like that bc if it’s incorrect (or in the many sarcoidosis cases, it’s asymptomatic and harmless,) it could greatly and unnecessarily alarm an already frightened patient, which would be detrimental. since sarcoidosis is chronic and progresses slowly, it’s realistically not rly gonna worsen much in the time it takes to reach a specialist within a week or so; it can wait for a specialist to take the time required to examine the possibility of the disease and any treatments required. so idk, maybe it was about me; if so, i won the bet jokingly made between me & my primary doc on what bizarre diagnosis i have while we’re waiting for all this bloodwork shit to move the differential forward lmao. i guess we’ll see 😓

but i think that’s p much everything i’m dealing with rn, i’m numb to so much of it tbh but it helps to write it out and put everything into context, and it’s a small accomplishment for the day.

sry 4 the long posts lately lmao 😧 i’m gonna get back to netflix as usual (i’m watchin 'monkey life’ rn, it’s rly cute and thankfully keeping me occupied lmao) 🐒💖

thx 4 reading any part of this massive wall of text lmao 💖💛💚💙💜

[renegadesrpg]

Paladin: Part 7. Ra

Tater Tot:

One night, not too long after I'd opened my place, a homeless man stood begging in my alley. What struck me the most was he was a member of my race. He was a vampire. I had no clue until that moment that there was such a thing. It broke my heart and reminded me of what Lily used to say about opening our eyes to reality. My mahmen and sire scoffed at her but I kept her words close. I just didn't think my eyes were truly shut, until that moment. 

It was at that moment I swore to never close my eyes again. My employee was trying to get the beggar to leave but I interrupted, handing the male a few dollars, because my food handler permits weren't ready yet so no food was being cooked, and I told him to go get a hot meal on me. His gratitude was palpable. He scurried away and I left orders to never turn a beggar away. If there were concerns, come to me.

A week later there were several beggars at my alley door. I knew this could get out of hand and needed to figure out a way to keep my paying clientele plus help these poor. I tried a couple different things but it just seemed to get worse. My frustrations were overflowing and, unfortunately, it boiled over onto the beggars. The next night is when I met her. Twila, the so-called "Street heart" of Charleston.

I had just given $5 to a male beggar when a young, feminine voice blasted through my eardrum. "Are you insane or just a dipshit?" I looked around but saw no-one, until I looked down and there she was. If she was over 5' I'd have been shocked and she couldn't have been more than a year past transition. She was redheaded and, from the look on her face, had a temper to match. 

"Please tell me you are NOT contemplating giving out more money to these fools?"

+Excuse me? This is my place and if I feel like giving money to beggars, I most certainly will!+

"Ohhhhh you can take the boy outta the Glymera but you can't take the Glymera outta the boy. Look, Robin Hood it's great you wanna help, make amends or whatever...but do it right and know who you are actually giving money and food to."

She spoke so quick and stern my head spun for more than a moment. She had a quick tongue and wisdom in her eyes that belied her very young appearance. +Who are you and what do you mean? And shouldn't you be at home with your parents?+ 

"Ok, I don't have time to give you a reality check so here's the scoop. I'm Twila and I'm older than you, by like a lot. I have been on these streets for awhile now. So, listen when I tell you...those are not real beggars. Those, dear Robin Hood, are scoundrels who play at begging for the joy of screwing do gooders like you over. Real beggars, wait for it...don't beg in back alleys."

+What, why, how do you know this?+

"Ummm I live on and in the streets, I literally know all. Do what you want but I don't think Lily would want her big brother giving money to bored rich folk."

My head exploded with the information this waif of a girl tossed at me, then I got pissed. +How do you know my sister? How dare you speak her name!! You know nothing you filthy TatorTot. You get the fuck out of here and do not return or I'll leave you for the sun!+

She laughed! Her response to my threat was to laugh at me. "Oh ok tough guy. You could do a lot of good, your heart is wanting to be in the right place. Just trying to help but whatevs. Toodles!" Then she was gone. 

The next few days had my brain scrambled but I found myself being more hesitant to give out anything and when I did, I observed things more instead of just giving blindly on my assumptions. And I'll be damned but I think that little female, no bigger than a TatorTot for hell's sake, was right. One of the males that had become a regular, when I looked closer, was clean and shaved except for two dirt smudges on his cheek and forehead. In fact, the three nights I helped him, they were in the same spots...odd. And another male had leather shoes, in really good shape, not what you'd expect for a male living on the street. The female that came had a handbag that looked a little rough but not that bad. Upon further inspection, it was Prada! +Fucking hell, she was right! Goddamn fool.+

I stopped helping the beggars then and I can honestly say I inwardly hated myself for my stupidity. I think I berated myself for a good two or three weeks. Then, the TatorTot returned. Great, like I wanted to deal with her saying she was right and I was an idiot. Needless to say, I wasn't very nice.

+You get the hell out of here, NOW! I told you to stay away from here didn't I. I don't want your ass here.+

"If I stayed away from every place that told me to go away I'd be living on a cloud cuz I wouldn't be allowed on the ground. Now, grab your jacket, your big boy panties, and follow me."

Why I followed, I'll never know. But there is something about this female that makes me do it. Maybe it's her take no shit attitude, her persistence, or maybe I'm just desiring a better way to help this city and thereby making Lily proud of me. 

"Listen up Robin Hood. This is an area we like to call Tick Central. That over there is #Sasha and #Bogi. They run this area and know everything happening within it. They also do their begging in the streets. Generally between 34th street and 70th. They don't like going too far from T Central. They could use regular meals as could a few of their buddies. If, IF you want to help...start here. These are good peeps and they are vamps so you are helping the race."

+But, how do they survive during the day?+

"Underground Tunnels of course." 

+Shit. How do I do both?+ I looked at Twila, my desire to help still battling with doing good at my place. 

"I tell you what. You have 20 food boxes ready by 7pm 4 nights a week, let's say Tuesday thru Friday,  and I'll pick them up. Eventually you could bring them or #Sasha will grab them. You both just gotta earn each other's trust first is all. "

Relief flooded me as I saw a way to do what I wanted. +Thank you+

"Hey, you're the one with a willing heart. Do good, or I'll gut ya Robin Hood. Now, I got a person to see about a thing so you see your way back, Ok? Toodles!" Aaand she was gone again. Odd little TatorTot but she was growing on me.

This began a routine where she showed up at the prescribed time and days, took the food boxes, winked, then was gone again. It went like that for a couple of months then one Tuesday she didn't come. In her place was #Sasha, and she didn't say anything except a quiet 'Thank you' as she took the box and left. Another month went by and then TatorTot came back. She said #Sasha was ill so she'd take the boxes. Unfortunately, before she could leave one of my customers came looking for me.

"Ra, I've been asking for you for 10 minutes, it's rude to keep your customers waiting."

+I apologize #Gwyn, just another moment and I'll be with you.+ I don't think he caught that bit as he was too busy staring at Twila. She didn't look pleased to see him either. She collected the boxes to her chest and said, "Keep better company Robin" then was gone. 

I found it strange but not enough to do anything so I went back into my place with #Gwyn on my heels.

A week later #Sasha showed up on a Monday. She didn't say much, just banged on the back door, grunted til the staff got me then grabbed my hand, pulling me to follow her. +#Sasha, wait a minute. What are you doing here? Is something wrong?+ All she would do is stomp and grumble.

+#Sasha I will go no further without an explanation. What's going on?+

Finally her words formed, "Twila hurt, bad man, come help."

TatorTot hurt? Was that even possible? +Ok #Sasha, take me there.+

We ran through back streets and under a bridge until we got to T Central. There behind a box was TatorTot, bleeding and bruised. 

+Who did this? Let me get the doctor, he will help.+

"Doctor doesn't help streethearts Robin. Just need a first aid kit and I'll be good as new. #Sasha shouldn't have bothered you." She needed blood, to feed, she should be healing by now but wasn't.   

+You need to feed. Do you have a regular feeder? Can I get them for you?+

"First aid kit Robin. Feeding is overrated."

+Here, first aid kit.+ I got close to her which made her shrink further against the wall but she needed this. So, I shoved my wrist in her face, +feed.+ "fuck you, get that away from me!" +feed please?+ "go away please?" Now I'm grumbling under my breath, what an infuriating little creature she is. But two can play at stubborn games.

+feed TatorTot.+ " Don't call me that! Asshat." +feed or I'll keep calling you that.+ "fFuck. You. Nno." Needless to say this went on a while.

She grew too weak though and eventually, I won. It was obvious she didn't feed from someone too often but she got enough in her to heal well. When she finished I licked the wound closed and asked what happened.

"Nothing Robin. Thanks for your help but I should go. Toodles."

I grabbed her arm before she could disappear on me again. +Who did this to you TatorTot? I'm not asking again.+ I growled, didn't mean to but damn she needed to know I was serious and, if I'm being honest with myself, she reminds me of Lily. Her spunk and annoying stubbornness that is. 

+Answer me, NOW!+ My patience was gone.

She even managed to make her sigh sound indignant. Damn this female.

"Your buddy #Gwyn. I was involved in a situation where he lost a wee bit of money and he recognized me the other day, realized I had something to do with his loss and took his revenge. Not the first, won't be the last. I can usually hold my own just fucked up this time and lost. The End. May I go now?" She might as well have knocked me down with a baseball bat. Shocked didn't even cover how I felt in that instant.

+What did you do that cost him some money?+ "Oh sure, blame the streetheart ! Just like all you asshats do. Never take into account that 87% of vampire crimes are committed by aristoscats. Fuck off, not even sure why I bothered trying with you Robin Hood. "

+Explain it to me then, help me understand if it's that big a deal. If he is in the wrong then I don't want him or anyone like him in my place.+

"Your pal was into illegal firearm distribution. I found out, told those in power, and his business was closed. Cost him around $30 million. Your place is a prime spot for assholes like #Gwyn to visit to conduct business. Its dark, busy but not too busy, and appeals to the aristoscats because it makes them feel trendy while they do illegal and hurtful shit to their own kind. If you want to stop it, don't run them out...keep them close, listen, get info, pass it to me, and I'll get it where it needs to go."

+Damn, you weren't kidding were you? You really think I could do that? It's not what I want to do. It's not anywhere in my comfort zone.+

"I get it, it was just an idea as I could always use more information gurus. Now I really need to go, you wanna help then let #Sasha know and she'll get a hold of me. Toodles!" Aaaaaaannnnnddddd she was gone...again.

Two weeks later things had gone back to a good rhythm and I was happy. I was still giving out food and my piano place was doing well. The words TatorTot had uttered at our last meeting still rang in my head and, despite my best efforts, had me looking at my clientele more closely. 

One night the words seemed to be particularly loud and annoying and that's when I saw #Ector and #Samuel. They used to come in with #Gwyn but when he disappeared so had they, until now. 

+Hello gentlemales, welcome back. It's been a while. Your usual table?+

"Yo Ra, you a waiter now?"

+No, just playing host for a little bit.+ I chuckle as I lead them to a table that I had set up with a hidden microphone one day, on a whim...a 'TatorTot is in my head and won't shut up' whim that is. 

+Here are the menus for tonight and the waitress will be by in short order.+ "Thanks Ra, glad you kept our table for us." +Of course, be well.+

A few hours later the males leave and I retrieve the microphone. I won't listen to it until later but I want it in my possession. I finish my work, close the bar, and go back to my home. My doggen, #Oliver, brings me food and a much needed whiskey sour. I rewind then hit play on  the tape that the males conversation was on. 

"Did you hear that #Gwyn found a new buyer for his product? Already made back what that bitch cost him. He said he'd be damned if he let the 'wannabe king' or city rulers tell him what he can or cannot do." "#Samuel, did you get the number to his new buyer? He told us to get it and memorize it but I forgot my copy at home. Plus, he thinks he'll have a second buyer in a few days. He's really pushing shit but the money is wicked. I won't be complaining that's for sure."  *laughter than the sound of silverware moving around follows*

Damn, they are really doing it again, even after getting in trouble before? Dumbasses. Great, Tater Tot was right...I can't let this sit. Too much danger to our people and I don't want anyone hurt because some asses want more money. So, the next evening I sent a message with #Sasha for Twila. An hour later, "Hey Robin what's shaking, you wanted to see me?" 

+Damn female, would it kill you to knock?+

"Yes, it would. Now whatcha need?"

I chuckle because, well you just can't help it around TatorTot if I'm being honest. +You were right. Shady shit is going down in my place and I won't have that. Two associates of #Gwyn came in last night and he's apparently back in business. + I hand her the tape and she pockets it.

"You recorded them huh. Mighty sneaky Robin Hood. Proud of you. Now, do you wanna keep helping me or is this a one time thing?"

+I wanna help, just not sure how this could work.+

"Easy peasy. Select 2-3 tables that you can wire up. If people come in you sense are questionable, sit them at those tables. Occasionally I'll send people your way but I'll always give you a heads up. Give me the recordings and I'll handle it from there. Eventually, you'll instinctively recognize assholes from decent folk. You won't have to do more than hand me information. Sound good Robin?"

+Yes. I can do that. When should I start?+ 

"Tomorrow. I have someone I could use information on. His name is #Gerald and he always has a blonde bimbo on his arm."

+Alright TatorTot.+ I went to pat her shoulder and she growled and jumped back. "No touching unless I say so. And. I. Didn't. Now I gotta fly. Toodles!"

And off she went.

I come out of my reverie, sucking in a long, deep breath.

It's been a few years since this all happened and Twila is all she said she was and helping her has been a pleasure. I love helping and this has helped me deal with my sister's loss in a way nothing else had.

I look at the clock and realize I need to get some sleep or I'll be a nasty bastard tonight.