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#I wanna give up too bitch!!
fakeoutbf · 4 months
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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edwinisms · 2 months
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so damn close to finishing writing my first fic for this show but my head feels like it’s gonna explode from writing an entire 3.3K theoretical analysis paper for like five hours straight and if I look at my computer screen much longer I might just fucking die so. here we are. suffering.
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cerealmonster15 · 3 months
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the block button isnt enough i need to set things on FIRE
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boxwinebaddie · 4 months
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Wait so did Ike knoww about Stan and Kyle dating? Also I'd love to hear abt Kyle and Ikes sibling relationship thats so adorable
soooooo long story short:
...y-yes. yes, he Does know.
hOWEVER, IKE DOES NOT KNOW RAVEN IS STAN THOUGH, THAT IS SENSITIVE INFO THAT IKE CAN BE TRUSTED WITH, OFC, BUT IT WOULD PUT HIM IN DANGER AND KY WANTS TO KEEP HIM SAFE.
but long story Long...
i'll leave it in the crotch. xx
( edit: so...my bad, baby. i accidentally went on a crazy TANGENT about ike and jerseykyle's relationship bc i love them a lot and their dynamic is very complicated, so if you want that info about how ike found out about ravesey dating...i gotta put it in another ask.
bc this...got Very long.
you don't have to read this. soz. >.> )
oookay!~ so i got REALLY excited about this because rm!jerseykyle and ike's relationship is super duper special to me, in that, as sp fanfic writer girlie who tends to lean away from a more gentle, kindly, introspective kyle and much more heavily into the potential brutal parts and menacing aspects of kyle's personality when i develop my style dynamics with, ofc, jers being the most brutal of all ncu kyles...
...the way that he speaks to ike -- gently, softly, tenderly -- the way that ike disarms him, the way that j.k. unravels around ike, bends for him, it's one of the ONLY instances written into my actual published canon where we see jers be extremely vulnerable. ( not crying, lmao! )
however, i will say, it was not ALWAYS like that!
*rings the cd re-education bell*
LORE TIME!
so, per my rm!take on the south park lore, ike, ofc, was adopted from canada around age five and he...was Perfect. he was this lil gorgeous, perf, lovely thing, no health problems, dark hair, i like to think his eyes are dark brown, closer to black, sweet kid, easy-going...
...and very NOT like kyle.
and, interestingly enough, i think, At First, that sheila and gerald were super obsessed with ike, cooed over him, he was the baby, y'know? which made jerseykyle MAD jealous of ikey and an Anti from day one.
which is also v interesting because rm!ike, really just fkn Worshipped jerseykyle, wanted to be close to him, wanted his approval, craved that brotherly relationship with him, idolized him...and kyle was NOT having it, dawg! like, it took him so long to even let stan in and let his cold, black heart be light and bright enough in some spots to do That, so he pushed ike away, constantly told him to fuck off/get lost
( i do think that ike's vocab being more vulgar/him being precocious comes from wanting to impress kyle/being influenced by him ), also ike was really fkn smart from the jump in a way kyle wasn't like, to me, jerseykyle has worked hard for everything, studied hard, fought hard, and ike was naturally a child prodigy and didn't have to work that hard for anything, all while being gentle and docile and kind.
-- but going back to STAN for a minute...as a direct contrast to how jerseykyle treated ike growing up...gods angel saint ravenstan was always EXTREMELY KIND to ike. stan never had a brother: okay, he had shelley but his relationship with shelley was even more complex than ike and kyle's relationship used to be and the way shelley treated ravenstan was similar to the way jersey was treating ike, so he Deeply Sympathized with that and endeared himself to ike, encouraged him, and the more kyle pushed him away, the closer ike got to stan.
stan and ike i think ALSO had very similar interests in that they both liked louder, heavier music, revolutionary/counter culture stuff, fighting the MAN, sports ( namely hockey ) i think as a gift, actually, that ravenstan gave ike his wayne gretsky hockey yersey and ike STILL has it ( yes, kyle was jealous ), stan encouraged him to be different and carve his own path in life and while kyle, obvi, was the person most effected by stan's untimely passing...it did also do a number on ike who seriously considered stan like a brother to him and was one of the only other people who Never misgendered stan.
SPEAKING OF STAN DY*NG THOUGH: this was when everything sort of...Flipped. because when stan 'died', whatever part of kyle that could love things also died with him along with a lot of his stability.
so on top of all of his health issues, kyle got really, REALLY gnarly ptsd, would fly into blind rages, got randomly triggered by things and see stan everywhere, have really, really sever panic attacks, had to be put on several medications, got into TOOOONS of fights, etc.
and ike...was just sweet, introverted, lovely ike. stayed in his lane, did his work quietly, existed quietly...while kyle was Loud and VOLATILE.
also, to tie in Another ask where someone asked me while sheila didn't take care of ike as well as she could...fair warning, i am a liiiittle defensive abt this topic because it wasn't that she didn't want to take care of ike or meant to neglect him AT ALL, it's just...when you have a a child who has a lot going on mentally and physically, is more of a firestarter, is more aggressive or more outwardly mentally unstable...
...that tends to require more immediate attention ( especially since kyle was sooo unhinged that he was constantly in police stations, juvie, the psych ward ) and sheila's attention more helicopter parent-y in that she wanted to keep kyle safe, whereas geralds attention was more negative, felt kyle was a failure/embarrassment :/// </3 )
so ike, by COMPARISION to jersey, was VERY low maintenance, did not require to be constantly watched to make sure he didn't hurt himself or others, and so, unfortunately while sheila loved him very much ( gerald just wasn't very interested in him as the second kid other than that he not act up/argue w/ him ) he got swept under the rug because of how pliable and pleasant he was personality wise.
so sheila really does Adore ike, she just doesn't worry about him nearly as much and because of how glaring jersey's issues were, she also mistakenly assumes he's mostly fine where...i really do think ike has pretty gnarly depression, tbh. he is stan coded, i mean that. i will say that him acting out is starting to cause a stir in their house.
anyways...i am sorry this is such a MESS but jerseykyle was watched with laser focus and because of this, ike got off scott free most of the time and received almost no attention. like all his accomplishments went unnoticed or were pretty normalized because the standard he set v young being smart/capable, set the bar high. ilysm, ikey. </3
tldr; ike was The Good Child
and jersey was The Bad Child.
but, in being 'good', he got extremely overlooked by his parents.
thiiiiiiis...is where jerseykyle stepped in. so basically his entire life he was staunchly anti-ike, but he warmed up to ike a lot after stan died because they bonded over talking about him a lot/that grief, and also grew up under intense scary jewish matriarch sheila broflovski and the serious shit show that was having gerald as a father...who jersey actually regularly took shit from so ike wouldn't have to, i.g. when ike did something less than perfect or did misbehaved or fucked up, kyle always took the fall for it and was the messed up problem child, so that ike would essentially spared from gerald's mental abuse/wrath.
ike was also kind of the only person j.k. had in the world, so kyle looked after him because...again...ike is very stan coded, kyle is very protective of the lil gentle hearted people and he basically raised ike in the stead of his parents which forced him to be hard on him in a way that sheila and gerald were not hard on ike...which created a lot of dissonance when ike was becoming a teen and kyle was in hs.
so, essentially while when they were little kids, ike followed kyle around, wanted kyle to like him, thought kyle could do no wrong, as he got older and kyle started to nitpick him, actually care about him and start enforcing rules/curfews on him because no one else did, ike developed a rebellious streak and started to not like or listen to kyle because he was like, bro, whatever, you're so boring, it's one party, oh my god, just because you're boring doesn't mean i have to be!!!!
it's mostly just skin deep though, ike is only irritated because jerseykyle is mad overprotective, hard core and did not gentle parent him as an older brother at like, i shit you not fourteen, like i am so sorry but jerseykyle raised ike basically, and inspite of actin like a heartless monster...loves ike very, very much ( even if he can't say it ) and ike also loves kyle very much. jerseykyle is pretty much the only other person besides firkle, tricia, etc. ( i'll get into that in a diff ask ) that truly gave a shit about him and put weight behind his actions.
so jerseykyle is like ike's older brother/dad, rags on him about doing his homework and being an edgelord
( ike has been acting out a lot, one, because he's finally starting to come into his personality more, which, imo, my hc is that ike is p popular but mostly by accident sort of how stan was because he's pretty and very nice, ike is captain of the hockey team, his accent is cute, gets good grades ( he is slacking right now tho bc hes being edgy as hell ), is a lil skater boy gamer boy, IS V INTO TRUE CRIME, JOURNALISM AND ACTIVISM, creating positive change, exposing injustice, enjoys punk rock music, thinks emo boy stuff is neato,
IKE IS THEEEE DAWN SPAWN OF EVER AND I MEAN THAT, he is a raven of crimson dawn FAN BOY, he is obsessed; i mean that...and despite wanting to make waves in that way, like, he really is kind of an antisocial DORK but lots of girls like him, he gets invited to parties, firkle gets invited by proxy even though people think they are a crazy demonic satan worshiping freak of nature...but ike's super bestie, ofc...their relationship is also interesting...BUT YEAH! IKE! <333 )
also per rm canon, jers does miss ikes birthday every year bc going to south park triggers the fuck out of him which he feels very, very badly about, rags on him but is very pro ike doing what he wants to with reason of not acting like a goddamn FOOL and doing his laundry, his emo dirt bag phase is making kyle's eye twitch ooooof, him bleaching his hair and sticking a safety pin through his lip the second ravenstan walks through their front door while ravesey are secretly broken up and jk is extra mad at him; ITS A HOT MESS EXPRESS, Y'ALL!!!!
if you made it this far...i have to put the answer to the FIRST part of your question with all that dialogue in another ask so feel free to re-ask me that, but to reference it a little...ike is so team ravesey like it is actually painful, that is his ROMAN EMPIRE. firkle actually really does not like kyle bc they think he is lame as hell, help, and is anti-ravesey bc they think romance is a distraction,
( okay, spoiler, but firkle is in love with ike, ike does not know this, ike is super fkn oblivious and is actually very bi, so it's not like he's just not aware he is not straight, he just....actually has no idea, rip, he also has a crush on a girl in his class, it DOES make firkle want to actually dome themself to hear about it 25/8, stupid Feelings, smh, firkle b hating jersey and is lowkey a little jersey coded ) anyways they think kyle dating raven of crimson dawn is going to interfere with the band, their music, their sound and is a hater. like boooo! come on, FIRK! :/
BUT IKE IS A ROMANTIC!!! IKE IS THE JR. RAVESEY CAPTAIN!!!!
tldr; kyle and ike have a complicated relationship but love each other very much and ike does eventually learn about ravesey secret dating bc they are the brothers of ever and cannot hide shit from each other BUT I GOTTA PUT IT IN ANOTHER ASK, I AM SO SORRY, BABY, YOU GOTTA ASK ME AGAIN ABOUT THAT! but i hope this thrills you?
-uncle nina, ceo of insane hs isaac moisha broflovski lore
#i am sorry this was so long and i am not sure who cares#but idk their brotherly relationship means a lot to me#and ike actually means a lot to me#he is often over looked and very very lovely#and very deeply treasured by kyle kyle does call him bubeleh#which is very cute to me like ew he really did raise him#they were a slow burn brotherhood but worth it#i also do think its really cute that ike really liked stan#and then really liked raven of crimson dawn#like he really just feels the vibes huh#with all due respect tho i would also think pre!rm!stan was really cool and raven of crimson dawn was cool...he is that guy#I GOTTA GO INTO THAT LATER THO I AM SORRY I HAD TO GIVE YOU SO MUCH LORE I LOVE IKE AND JERSEY SM#ike is a raven of crimson dawn fanboy and the captain of the ravesey ship so sorry to everyone he is in the trenches#he is constantly catching smoke from firkle all the time about it too smh...also yeah firkle and ike lore...Interesting#i can also get into that if people want that again i am not sure who still cares abt ninas weird unfinished au style fanfic#ANYWAYS RM ISAAC MOISHA BROFLOVSKI MY BELOVED#jersey does eventually spill ike does wrangle it out of him its funny as fuck to me bc kyle was CAPPING SO HARD#that man was like idk what ur talking abt i hate that man!#jerseykyle is the ceo of lying like stan lied to stay Alive JERSEY LIES BECAUSE HE IS LITERALLY A BITCH ASS FOOL#WHO REFUSES TO ACCEPT THE DAMN CONSEQUENCES OF HIS OWN ACTIONS I HATE HIM SO MUCH#like ok to be fair they were fighting and jk did think ravenstan was dating call girl but SUPER BESTIE DO NAAAAUGHT#EVEN ACT LIKE U DONT WANNA VIOLENTLY FRENCH HIM#DONT TRY IT WITH ME BABY I LITERALLY WROTE U!#the drama of them being broken up and having to share kyles childhood bed and bedroom is sooo iconic to me#i know they were accidentally cuddling i just KNOW it#nasty cute disgusting boy angst jail for WIMPY SIMP BOYS#KISS ALREADY!!!!
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deityofhearts · 6 months
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I honestly just don’t get how people default to thinking southern accents are like unserious and unintelligent, I know I live in a bubble and I’ve never been outside of the south so like my world view is skewed but like idk I can’t like conceptualize hearing someone’s accent and going “your accent is too stupid and silly for you to have a brain” like ???
#deity dialogue#sorry I’m rlly half asleep#obvs my worldview is different cause I’m southern I’m surrounded by southern ppl I hear the accent all the time#so it’s like normal obvs but idk it still baffles me#idk if I ever go north are y’all gonna be mean to me cause I talk in a way that y’all perceive as stupid and lesser than how you do??#I’ve already mentioned that even here we aren’t safe from the ‘haha youre a dumbass southern hick’ statements#which is rich cause like bitch who are you to be talking you live here too I don’t wanna hear you call me a red neck cause you’ve been here#for a long ass time to and I’m sure if you went up north they’d be on your ass the same way they’d be on mine#like what gives you the right?#like I will say also that I do make fun of the accent but in the way that lexi and I will be heatedly talking and get more southern with#each word and that amuses and delights us like idk it’s fun to look at someone who just said one word in a more extreme southern accent on#accident and repeat it back to them#but like at the end of the day we like being southern we don’t think there’s anything wrong with it or like inherently worth mocking#plus there’s a difference between two friends being silly and strangers telling you you’re a stupid redneck hick :)#this is also coming from someone who compared to other southern ppl doesn’t have the most strong southern accent (it’s there onvs but ya#know) and I still have to deal with this shit :/#sorry I need to go to bed and shut up no one caressss
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monst · 2 months
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Genuine question- Would it be weird to okay context first: So there's this girl who works at my local comic shop and like in December she gave me a cute little Gojo plush. (I was going to pay her for it but like she insisted that it was cool apparently her order came with extra plushies) Anyways would it be weird to gift her something back even tho it's been months?
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through the power of delusion and yuri i can make katase taller than aoki's secretary
#snap chats#sorry had to ask myself an important question. that being How Tall Are They#im not doing my usual Rocket Science Method of figuring out heights rn idc. i unplugged my tablet and im too lazy to get it#anywya i dont have exact heights rn. i have guesstimates but what i do know is that katase is. a lot taller than i thought . i think LOL?#again dont quote me i stg im trying to make yuri its not that serious but yeah im eyeballing and whatever#and even just eyeballing it like.. it could be an angle thing.. but katase just looks a lot more leveled with mine#like god bless both secretaries get a scene where they're pretty much lined up right with their boss right#and that both them bitches the same height istfg#but yeah no like. ROUGHLY the top of katase's head is right at the tip of mine's ear. or near the top. allegedly speaking hypothetically#aoki's secretary looks so SHORT next to him tho like even angles aside its really clear she's not the same height as katase#her head comes about at just right under his head or her forehead is right at aoki's chin#ANYWAY SPECIFICS ASIDE LIKE YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE KATASE'S TALL. ER.#proof that yuri's the best theres actual height differentiation.. my god..#love how i make it seem like im ever gonna draw them again. im a lazy bastard we know me#i just wanna know if im thinking about them accurately... <- theyre my city at this point who the fuck gonna give one#ok bye im gonna think about women. also stealing the tag s4s Secretary for Secretary thats how im referring to them from now on#s4s.... love wins...
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ichigosoju · 4 months
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🍓
#umm he couldnt even be bothered to react to my messages with emojis?!?!?#like he said that he isnt up for talking and i respect that#i asked him if it's still ok for me to message him and he said 'ofc'#so i did.... i had to push myself bc im feeling like he hates me and doesnt wanna hear from me#all of my disorders saying that haha#so i pushed myself to message him when i wanted to#but.... ok i didnt expect him to reply#but he read it and didnt even give me an emoji#im aware that i sound crazy#this is just how im FEELING#i feel stupid and ashamed for thinking he even wants to listen to me yap about nonsense#i hate myself for being so stupid and sending him pics and a video of the crow i saw#like shut up dumb bitch nobody cares!!!!!!!! shut up#no wonder he cant be in love with me#im pathetic and stupid#his ex that he actually loves is probably smart and witty and cool#and would never be such a fkn loser like i an#am*#god... genuinely hate myself#why dont i know how to shut up??#definitely wont be messaging him anymore now jesus christ im so embarrassing#im still hurt tho like couldnt he at least have reacted with an emoji#is that too much to ask for......#i mean listen in any relationship#where u have disorders.. communication and BOTH ppl making an effort is needed#the only way our 'friendship' is even working is bc im just allowing him to do whatever#and im just dealing with the emotional suffering lol#he doesnt even make an effort to reassure me or anything#so yes i cant force him or ask anything of him. but i FEEL hurt by how im not worthy of anything to him#while im over here allowing him to hurt me constantly sksksk
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#guess whos back in therapy bby 😎#the lady i saw was nice. 1st appointments r always a lotta blah blah blah so much to cover#and im always like bleh whatever im not that bad but when u put it all down on paper it is sorta a lot lol#i got the comment. hm u seem to kno a lot abt the dsm. and like listen. i have been meticulously categorizing my problems for the last 4#years. and i like to learn so ya kno. also said yea it sounds like u r having hypomanic episodes.#and asked if bipolar was a possibility and like if i was bipolar that would absolutely blow my god damn mind. im pretty sure its just pmdd#but whatever. im open to the possibility. mostly i wanna hear someone else perspective on this#i feel like im collaborating on a project. like gimmie ur notes i wanna see if were on the same track. bc im insane like that#i always feel bad when they apologize for asking invasive questions. like neh its fine. i got nothin to hide and i dont give a fuck#also i told a class of my peers that my distraction from research is drawing narut0 fan art. again bc i do not#give a single fuck. Professors response: hopefully we get to see it some day. bro. if u ask me i will show u. i do not care#i mean. probably nothing too weird but i feel like most of my stuff is safe to share. i just come off looking like a weeb i guess#but yea back in therapy bc my mum reminded me bc the ppl around me irl r also worried for my well-being based on my behavior lol#i mean its just bc i complain that im in like psychological pain a lot. so lots and lots of bitching abt my brain ^^#the lady i saw did fall a lil bit into my trap. like what woulf ur life look like if u had everything under control? bc it seems like ur#here and ur starting a phd what more do u want? and im like mwahaha but u see i can do school#i can do school so good. i am the best at school and thats it. i am otherwise barely functional#so i can be successful on paper and dysfunctional when it comes to having a life :-]#but whatever. well see what she wants to follow up on next week bc i threw a lot at her#also went to my office for the 1st time. it is really nice to sit in a working lab and watch ppl interact. but also i do feel like im#dying if i try to sit in that room with 2 other ppl lol. so well see how it goes. i may find somewhere else to hide#unrelated
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this-doesnt-endd · 2 months
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I WENT TO PUT A DISH IN THE SINK AND A ROACH WAS CRAWLING OUT OF IT AND THEN I WALKED BY MY BOOKCASE ABD THERE WAS A FUCKING CRICKET!!!!!!!!!!! I CANNNOT FUCKING DO THIS!!!!!!!!
#i have to go to the store tomorrow like i have to#i need to buy weather stripping since it likely came thru the hole in the corner of my door like that fuck ass worm did#cause both happened after big rains#i need drain cleaner and drain covers and a special drain cover for the bathroom cause the ac unit water comes out into my apts shower#for some fucking reason and i cant have stagnent water if a mosquito gets in here but i cant have anything crawling up that drain#i need hand sanatizer i have like three of the mini bath and body works bottles left#and honestly i use too much cause im putting it up to my elbows and sometimes i use it on my legs and feet cause if i dont#my brain is gonna convince me that im as good as dead#i also need something to trap them that keeps me as far away as possible if i have to get rid of bugs cause im so awful with it#AND BEFORE ANYONE WANTS TO BE A BITCH im sorry i dont like bugs okay if im outside i get it im in the outside its a me issue#i will panic internally but im my house absolteuly fucking not i just cant#and yaknow what i dont know why!!!!!!!#but its a big fear quite possibly verging on real phobia and if u make fun of my im gonna fucking cry#i dont know why its like this noe i uses to hold lady bugs abd worms as a kid no issue this is a recent change in my life#im also afraid of eating yogurt thats best by date was a week ago i know its irrational and i used to NEVER think abt it but now i do#and it gives me so much anxiety but i try not to waste food so i ate that yogurt in tears convinced i was gonna get terminal good poisoning#even tho i knew i wouldnt but i still cant help it it makes me so anxious brings me to tears much like bugs and i dont wanna be doing it#but my brain is wired backwards!!!!!!
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skunkg1rll · 6 months
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i love being supportive and never getting any support in return :* oh! i also love being thrown to the side and have someone else who does 10% of what i do for you be chosen over me !!!! <333
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widevibratobitch · 1 year
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#coming to tumblr for the first time in three days just to bitch because i feel like shit <333#sorry if i havent responded to your message i will as soon as i get a grip but rn im just too busy#both with uni and with crying because a friend said a mean thing to me lol#and because im tired of this new friendship already and tired of hearing this girl talking how great she is lol#am i jealous? fuck yeah i am.#and it's not like she's mean like straight up. cause like.#when i say im really considering quitting and dropping out she tries to encourage me ig#but then she follows it up with 'ofc *I* never had a problem with this and that because it always just came naturally to me teehee#but yknow. dont give up uwu'#and she keeps sending me recordings of her singing to tell her how good she is and always tells me how her teacher praises her#and like. its cool. like i get it that its a nice feeling when you do something well and wanna share that joy with a friend#but idk. i just think its kinda. well not mean but a litt#*a little tone deaf? when ive just been telling her that im in a Bad Place rn and my voice isnt working as it should#and my pianist is bullying me and i end up crying on almost every lesson#and she hits me with a 'damn that sucks fuck that pianist dont give up tho <3#now do you wanna listen to me sing bel raggio lusinghier like a pro and my professor telling me i am sublime?'#also when i tell her that im sorry that im not very social and i just cannot stay and chat cause im having a horrible day today#and really dont feel well and she's like 'yeah i havent noticed anything you're always like that... *side eye*' in a way that suggests#im a horrible friend cause im not talking with her enough and yet again im disappointing her (aint that familiar lol)#i just. idk. the last two-three weeks have been absolutely horrible to me. i cant get out of bed i havent done a single colorful make up#in so long ive basically forgotten how to do that. and i loved doing fun make up looks that make people tell me i look like a clown.#but i just dont have the energy to do anything more than put on a random tshirt and spray dry shampoo on my unwashed hair#i dont even wear my rings anymore. ive stopped caring about being the pinkest slayest queerest looking bitch in the room cause i just. cant#and even some casual friend of mine asked me yesterday if im okay cause they can see something is Not Right. but SHE not only doesnt notice#anything. i have a feeling she feels like im disappoing and neglecting her because i cant be bothered to text with her 24/7#like idk. maybe its just my imagination but i barely even feel like an actual person. more like just a homunculus made to trail after her#and listen to her bragging about how pretty/talented/unbothered she is#oh and also for her to keep dissing m/ozart lol like idk why it hurts me so bad but then ig its not that unusual to feel shitty#when someone keeps talking shit about something you really love and are passionate about and making you feel like an idiot#because you like it. because its stupid and boring and you're a simpleton for enjoying it instead of liking sth more 'ambitious'
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shipssailing · 3 months
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i fucking hate summer weather i’m sorry to the summer lovers but this shit sucks major ass 👎🏻
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4giorno · 9 months
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googles "will i be arrested if i play the exact same bg3 character for the third time in under 2 months"
#like again i know. i paid 70€ for this game i can play it however the fuck i want#but i still feel kind of. embarrassed?? esp bc im at my parents for christmas and new years and they know ive played this character twice#and like surely i should want to do something different after like 250 hours and yet... 😭😭😭😭😭#and ive realised that i never found the blood of lathander and my character def would want to get it even if it destroyed an ancient temple#and ive seen even more dialogue that i missed bc somehow i couldve long rested more frequently even tho i made a conscious effort to do tha#the second time around (bc i started playing multiplayer with my parents and already we got long rest stuff i never saw 💀)#also dialogue choices that fit him more but i was still too scared to pick bc i was afraid id get insta killed#or a companion would get so pissed off theyd leave..........#you could be like oh so you know what happens why would you play it but like why does anyone play sims or something#like sometimes you wanna see your little guys in scenarios 😭#(OH also i wanted to see if i could give astari0n worms in the beginning since he wanted them so bad#and it was literally one of the things he and my character bonded over as in they were the only bitches who thought they should use them#i just never thought to give any to him even tho he asked bc i always forget i can do stuff with the companions#AND im always afraid ill fuck something up for them gfkfjdhfkgkf)#anyway the point is wow still i have an unreasonable attatchment to this character of mine and i love him sm#and somehow i dont get bored of playing the same character after two full campaigns
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jrueships · 10 months
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i love how benny is the only one who can make tiny (dice) look like he's a creature capable of compassion
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prettyboysmlm · 1 year
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counting the fucking days
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