#I was at the Birmingham show and sobbed my way through when he played it there

[literaturechaos]

Just want you all to know that I, Carrion has destroyed me

[imaginesxthevamps]

I don’t know if this is angst or fluff or both.

People break into the venue before a meet and greet and see you and Brad sat on the stage. He’s playing something on his guitar and then kisses you but the fans catch everything and expose your relationship.

Thank you 🙏🏻❤️

Exposed | Brad Simpson

Words: 2.1k

Tags: Bradley Will Simpson, Brad Simpson x reader, the vamps, imagine, the vamps imagine, Brad Simpson imagine, fanfiction, request

Warning: none

A/N: I made it angst and fluff for you anon and I made it extra long so enjoy! And thank you for your request!❤

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 Today the boys have a show planned in Birmingham. It's in a smaller venue but that does not hold them back to build a big party. They are all excited as it was the first show of the year. To celebrate that family and friends are invited to come and watch the show.

You arrive at the venue together with Brad as you’re his girlfriend. He lives in Birmingham and went to the venue in his car, while the others have to come from London. That’s also the reason why you arrive first at the venue. When you pass by the entrance you see already a lot of fans standing in front of the doors while the show isn't starting for another six hours. Brad parked his car on the private parking where the backdoor is where artists can enter.

After you get out of the car and Brad picked up his stuff, a security guard let you into the building. He gives you both a pass, you don't have to explain who you are as you were noted down onto a list. The man leads you through the building to the dressing room where there is a sign with ‘the vamps’ on the door.

“When are the others arriving?”, you ask Brad when you’re left alone.

“I just got a message from Con, he says they will be here in half an hour”, Brad answers you while he’s unpacking his stuff.

You look around the room while Brad’s busy. It’s a quiet big dressing room, there are three sofas and a little table in the centre. There is also a table against the wall with food and drinks. On the other side, you see tables with mirrors where the boys can get ready for the show. And next to it there is a door that leads to a room with toilets and showers. Besides that, there is just a lot of space for guests.

“You okay?”, Brad asks you while his arms sneak around your waist.

“Yeah, I was just looking around”, you say and give him a small kiss.

Suddenly the door swings open and the other boys, their girlfriends and the manager enter the room.

“You guys are early”, Joe, their manager says.

“Yeah well I live here, I don’t have to ride an hour”, Brad says.

“So you already installed?”, Joe asks.

“Yes, that’s why I’m going to look at the stage with y/n”, Brad says and Joe nods.

After Brad and you have greeted everyone he takes your hand and leads you out of the room. It’s like he knows the building out of his head while you would never find your way back. The boys already played this venue a few times so he knows where he needs to go.

When you arrive at the stage you realise how big this venue is. It’s the first time you’re here with Brad, it’s the first time you will see them perform this venue.

Both of you take a seat at the side of the stage. Brad picks one of his guitars which are already set up and sits next to you again.

“So which song do you want to hear?”, Brad asks you with a smile.

“Surprise me”, you answer him.

Immediately Brad starts playing a song. When you hear the first chords you already know what he’s playing.

“I was walking away, but she’s so beautiful it made me stay”, Brad sings and you start to smile.

Brad knows this is one of your favourite songs of them, he has already sung it to you several times. He knows how much you enjoy it and that’s why you immediately start to sing along with him.

Caught up in the moment you don’t realise that a few fans managed to break into the venue. They found a way at the back of the venue and searched themselves a way to the stage where they see you and Brad. They watch how Brad sings to you and how you sing along and smile at him. After he is done playing the song he connects your lips with his in a passionate kiss, not noticing that fans are taking pictures. Although you guys have been dating for several months you weren’t out in the public yet, but that would change very fast as these pictures will spread like fire.

Suddenly the group of fans is storming to Brad, eager for a picture, eager to talk to him.

“Oh shit”, Brad says when he sees what’s happening.

You turn your head in the direction he is looking at, gasping as you see the group coming to you. The group consisted of ten fans.

“Go, I’ll take care of them”, Brad says.

“But I don’t know how I have to get back”, you say.

“Just run and call Joe”, Brad says and you do what he says and start running.

You try to remember the way back to the dressing room while calling Joe.

“Y/n? Is everything okay?” Joe asks.

“No, a group of fans managed to get in and stormed to Brad and me, I’m on my way back now to the dressing room but silly enough I don’t know how to get back as this building is a maze”, you answer, panic rushing through your body.

Joe explains how you have to go back to the dressing room before he ends the call and goes to the stage himself to handle the situation.

When you arrive at the dressing room you notice that more people arrived, probably family.

“Hey what’s going on?”, James asks when he sees your worried face.

“A couple of fans managed to get into the building”, you say and tell him what happened.

As bad as it sounds you are not so much worried about how they get in but about the fact they will expose your relationship with Brad. You know you have to do that eventually but not like this. You’re scared about the comments and everything that comes with it. There are definitely people who are going to be against your relationship. What if Brad listened to them and breaks up with you. You know that sounds silly but all these wrong scenarios are running through your head. Earlier today you were excited but right now you are scared as hell. Especially because the boys have to do a Q&A with fans that bought the VIP package.

As you already were expecting, the fans asked about your relationship with Brad. They wanted to know who you are. That’s what Brad tells you when the boys are back from soundcheck, Q&A and VIP. Now it is only an hour until the show will start.

“Everything will be fine, okay?”, Brad says to you and kisses you on the head.

The last hour before the show is the busiest, the boys are hyping up and getting ready. That’s why you don't have the chance to talk to Brad about how you feel in this situation.

The time was finally there, the boys enter the stage and the venue goes wild. You and the other girls are watching the show besides the stage. You enjoy seeing them perform but at the back of your head, you are still panicking. Scared, worried, it feels like everyone in the venue is looking at you although they can't see you.

When the show is done, Brad runs off the stage to hug you while he’s all sweaty.

“Babe, now your sweat is all over me”, you whine, Brad smiles in response and gives you a small kiss.

“We can shower together”, Brad says in a naughty way making you giggle.

Back into the dressing room, there is a small party going on. Everyone is talking, drinking and there is some loud music. The boys decide to shower first and get changed before joining the others.

“You sure you don’t want to shower with me?”, Brad whispers to you.

“Brad, not when everyone is here”, you say shocked.

With puppy eyes Brad leaves you to go into the shower alone, making you laugh.

It is already eleven O’clock when someone suggests taking the party else where as it is time to leave. You aren't really in the mood to party, partly because you are tired but also because you don't want to be in a public place right now. You are still kind of feeling odd about the situation from earlier.

“Is it okay if I go back to your house? I’m feeling tired and I’m not really in the mood to party”, you say to Brad.

“You sure? You want me to go with you?”, Brad asks.

“No, it’s okay, go make some fun with your friends”, you say with a small smile.

“I’ll drop you off at my house and then I will join the others”, Brad says.

Not much later you arrive at Brad’s house. You’ll be alone as his parents left earlier at the show because they booked a weekend in Brighton and his sister was also gone. It’s a relieve to know you’re alone as you have to process the earlier events.

“You okay babe?”, Brad asks before you get out of the car.

“Yes, I just need some alone time”, you say.

Brad pulls you in so your lips are connected for a sweet kiss.

“See you when you get home”, You say and peck his lips for the last time.

The first thing you do is taking a shower to wash off your thoughts. Brad’s home became your home too. The last few weeks you’re a lot there, and his family just makes you feel at home.

After your shower, you go to the kitchen to pick something to eat. When you have everything you head up to Brad’s room and install yourself in his bed. You put on the tv in his room and start watching something on Netflix while you eat. It’s already one O’clock but you’re not tired. The more time passes by, the more you’re wondering what people are writing about you on socials. You know it’s a bad idea to look at the comments but it’s stronger than yourself. You pick your phone and go to Twitter. Immediately when you refresh your feed, tweets about you and Brad are showing up. There are good reactions but also a lot of bad reactions.

“Who is she?”, “She doesn’t deserve Brad”, “Brad deserves better”, “She is ugly”, “What’s her name?”, “I hope Brad will break up with her”, “Who does she think she is?”, “They won’t last for a week”, “Brad’s ashamed of her, that’s why he held it a secret”, “whore”.

Tears start to flow and before you know it you’re sobbing, your phone falling onto the bed. Those comments are all rushing through your head. “They don’t like me”, is the only thing you are thinking. You start to believe every word, that you don’t deserve Brad, realising that reading those comments was a bad idea.

“Y/n?”, Brad says shocked when he enters the room.

You had been reading these comments for two hours, you can't believe it.

“Brad, you have to see what they are writing about me”, you sob.

Brad was already sitting next to you, his arm over your shoulder, trying to calm you down.

“Did you read those comments? Babe don’t believe them because you’re only looking at the bad ones. I know how bad they can be but please do not believe them okay?”, he tries to reassure you.

“I don’t deserve you”, you say.

“Baby that’s not true, listen here”, he tilts your head so you’re looking at him, “I love you, what they say is not true and I will never listen to that, hell I would never read them because they are jealous of what we have. What we have is something special and I will never let those comments ruin that okay. Listen here, you're the only one for me, I would be a fool to let you go”, Brad says honestly.

The only thing you do is connecting your lips with his. They are moving perfectly in sync like you’re made for each other.

“You want to cuddle and talk until we fall asleep?”, Brad asks and you nod.

While Brad makes himself ready for bed, you make yourself comfortable in bed. When Brad enters the room again he gets into bed and pulls you onto him, kissing you softly. You never felt this happy and you’re glad you could talk about what bothered you. He makes you feel loved and at home and that’s all you need. The rest of the night you spend cuddling and kissing with Brad until you finally fall asleep at five in the morning.

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The Vamps requests open

New Hope Club requests closed

[smallheathgangsters]

Second Youngest | S!S

A/N: I’m sorry, I really struggled with this one, but I hope it’s okay. Also, I had to make a few changes to the original request to boost my creativity and to me, it just made a little more sense this way. 

Request: a very long one by @amys-small-world

Shelby!Sister

Word Count: 1826

Type: angst, a little bit of fluff

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Life had never been kind to Y/N, from the beginning on. Even her last name didn’t change any of that. Being a Shelby sounded like a privilege, something everyone wanted to be. Nobody daring to disrespect you and receiving everything you ever demanded, no questions asked. But when your own family doesn’t accept you as their own, the Shelby name transforms itself into a burden instead of a blessing. And that burden never went away for Y/N.

Being the second-youngest sibling and unfortunately not sharing the same mother as the others were features that were weighing heavily on her shoulders. Especially the fact that she had resulted out of an affair with a backstreet whore their father had been having behind his wife’s back, spoke for itself. She wasn’t a Shelby the family was proud of. She was the sibling nobody mentioned to anybody. The mistake none of them wanted to talk about. The reason for their mother’s worst heartbreak. Having a fling with a prostitute was one thing, but getting her pregnant? A whole other story.

That meant, that Y/N had to grow up by herself. Even though the Shelby’s took her in right after her birth and made sure to give her a bed to sleep in, food to eat and eventually work to do, they didn’t give her attention, even a second of their time or love at all.

To put it simply, Y/N had no idea what it meant to be loved.

As a child it had been easier, since she had friends to play with at school. But as she grew older, she lost those connections and Polly made sure to keep her inside to do housework instead of fooling around outside and getting into trouble with the other kids. So, Y/N spent most of her days cleaning and cooking for the Shelby household, instead of collecting memories like all the other teenagers.

Never receiving the brotherly protection like Ada had, she’d been forced to fend for herself since. Like the time, when she went grocery shopping by order of Polly and a group of kids her age started following her and calling her names and eventually tripping her, so she fell into a puddle on the street. She returned with her clothes soaked and dirty, making her get a horrible telling off by her aunt. If anything like that had happened to Ada when she’d been Y/N’s age, the boys would have made sure to beat the life out of those kids and that they never even dared to get near her again. But since she was the bastard child her brothers didn’t care about, nobody was there to defend her and keep her safe.

Therefore, the next time she came across the same group of kids, she punched the boy who had tripped her, right across the face, most likely breaking his nose by the cracking sound and his painful screams.

When she returned home, Polly asked her why there was blood on her dress. Y/N didn’t answer, keeping it a secret, like countless other things that would happen in the following years of her life.

At the age of twenty, Y/N was a wreck. Even those four years, when her three eldest brothers were fighting in the war, weren’t any different to the ones before. While Polly had taken over the brothers’ business together with Ada and some other women, Y/N had been tasked with the care of little Finn and the maintenance of the house. It had been acts like those, that made her feel so useless and so out of place. Would she ever be good enough for anything else?

Most nights she cried herself to sleep. She just couldn’t understand how she was still in this awful position. She waited twenty years for her family to hopefully one day change their ways, accept her as a family member and stop acting as if she wasn’t even present. It was horrible knowing that her family was expanding the business without including her even in the slightest way. Was she really that worthless? Why did everybody blame her for something she had no control over? Would this ever change?

It was the day before her twenty-first birthday. Y/N had had a terrible night, waking up multiple times and having awful nightmares, if she did fall asleep. Thoughts about her future had kept her from getting rest. Since the only thing she’d ever done was housekeeping at home and never got to broaden her horizon by finding a job outside, she felt like she could never escape this life she was living. She wanted to be a nurse or a teacher or seamstress. Anything but staying trapped in this state she was in.

Knowing it was still very early in the morning and the rest of the Shelby family was still sound asleep, Y/N rolled out of bed with a groan and put on some clean clothes. She decided that she needed to take a walk in the empty Birmingham streets before her unpleasant daily routine would start over again. She carefully padded down the stairs, making sure the old wood wouldn’t creak too loudly and grabbed her coat before stepping out into the cool, dewy air and closing the door quietly.

This kind of silence was rare. It was just before five o’clock, what meant that even the early risers weren’t awake yet and factories didn’t start their machines before six. Enough time for Y/N to clear her thoughts, to make sure she wouldn’t go crazy today. Because she felt like being at the verge of completely losing it.

She wandered along the cobble, passed little boutiques and bakeries and eventually ended up in front of the catholic church Polly often went to pray in. She wasn’t religious in any means, but she’d always found peace in the serenity inside the church walls. How her heels clicked on the marble floor and the people in the time-consuming paintings on the ceiling kept their eyes on her, giving her all of their attention, unlike her own family.

After entering, Y/N sat down in one of the rear rows, as though she’d be stepping too close to God if she’d gone any further. God, who most likely didn’t care for her or her existence. She sighed, propped up her elbows on her thighs and placed her head in her hands. Then, she let her eyelids close, realising just how tired she was. Lack of sleep being the least relevant one of all the reasons. Feeling the tiredness creeping up on her, consuming her entire body, she stretched herself out on the cold, hard church bench, her eyes not opening even a tiny bit.

She knew she’d fall asleep, but what she didn’t know, was that she’d eventually sleep through the entire morning. The loud bang of the heavy church door slamming against the wall, tore her from her uneasy sleep, making her sit up in panic.

“Y/N? Is that you?”

It was Finn’s voice. She knew immediately that she was in trouble. Although his tone didn’t actually sound very angry.

She wrapped her arms around her body, not answering his question and silently hoping that she’d be overlooked. But that clearly wasn’t going to happen, since she was the only one in the church and she’d stupidly shot up when hearing the alarming noise.

She heard his footsteps get closer and internally prepared herself to be yelled at, and if not from Finn, than from Polly later on. She tried her best to stay strong and hold back the tears forming in her eyes, but it was all too much to handle. She didn’t want to go back home. She wanted to run away or at least just stay here, by herself, as long as she could.

Surprisingly, Finn didn’t grab her by the arm and pull her with him or even tell her to get up. He didn’t say anything at all. He shuffled into the row and sat down next to her.

With her hand in front of her mouth, she muffled the sobs escaping. Then, she felt a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently.

“Family’s looking for you,” she heard Finn mumble.

Y/N took away her hand from her mouth and sniffled. “I– I know …”

Finn sighed. “I’m not going to tell them where you are.”

His unexpected statement made her sobs stop immediately. “W–What did you just say?”

Finn pulled back his hand and interlaced his fingers, resting his entangled hands on his thighs. “It’s not that I don’t see my family being very … unfair to you.”

Y/N almost scoffed, but wasn’t able to hold back her eye roll, which Finn noticed. “I totally understand that you’re angry.”

“Angry?”

That was the moment she suddenly couldn’t keep her thoughts from spilling over her lips. “You think I’m angry? Finn, I’m broken. I’m actually so fucking heartbroken. My own family made it their mission to make my life a living hell. I’m over being angry. I just want to leave!”

Her voice was laced with disappointment and hurt. This was the first time she’d ever told somebody the way she was truly feeling.

Finn gave her a sad look. “I’m sorry, Y/N …”

“It’s not your fault, Finn,” she sighed, scratching at the dried-up spots on her hands. “This started even before you were old enough to realise what was happening …”

Finn started chewing on his lip uncomfortably. “I never understood why they didn’t want to accept you. You’re my favourite sibling, you know that?”

Her head turned to her brother, a hint of shock in her face. “What?”

“You were the mother I never had. You took care of me when I was a kid, played with me, cooked for me. I didn’t know that you were forced to do all of that, but I really appreciated it, even at that age. I know I never showed it after I got older and I regret that.”

His words went straight to her heart, making it contract in a way it had never before. Y/N tried to respond something, but her breath just got stuck in her throat, making it unable for her to speak.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to reply anything to that. I just wanted to let you know. And I’d love to help you start a new life somewhere, if that’s really what you want.”

She shook her head. “All I ever wished for was to have a family. A family that loved me and involved me. But not even waiting for twenty-one years made a difference. It’s all still the same.”

He gulped, grabbing her hand. “Let me speak to them, okay? I want them to know that I care about you. And if they’re not willing to change, I’ll help you get out of here. You deserve better.”

Y/N started crying. “I deserve better …”

[siriuslyshewrote]

Way Down We Go - J.S

John Shelby x Reader

Warnings - Miscarriage

In which Y/N loses her baby, only a few months after John gets back from the war.

Can’t tell if I hate this or not, but I’m posting it anyway ✨

Oh, Father tell me, do we get what we deserve?

Every man was different after the war, but ,at least to you, none so much as John. War had taken his spirit, Polly had told you over a cup of tea a few months ago, and you couldn't disagree. Sometimes, you saw the same, comedic, lighthearted eighteen year old that had left you, when he played with your two young children, or when you were together in bed, but now, it felt forced. The glimmer in his eyes was dull, and you could do nothing, except be there and hold him tightly when the night terrors made him come alive with yells and screams in the night. It had put a strain between you - between every relationship in Britain, really - but the love you had for him hadn't faded, not over those four years apart with only letters every few weeks, nor when he would lose his temper like he never had before, or when he would stay out all night, high or drunk, desperately searching for some relief from his now miserable life. You didn't think he loved you any less either. When he held you at night, when you kissed, or had sex, it felt the same as it always had, at least for a little while, like you had your old John back. It just grew harder for him to show his love, sometimes.

You would never complain , of course - what did you have to complain about? You got your husband back, when so many women didn't. You did the same as you always did - adapt to this new lifestyle that you faced - the you both faced together , you reminded him frequently.

Whoa, we get what we deserve

However, your already muddled life became even more daunting, the day you found out you were pregnant with your third child, at only 22, only months after he had come back. Katie and George were still practically toddlers - only five and three, and when you had found out, you had fled to Polly's in a state, sobbing and stating that there was no way you could do this, not right now, not so soon. It already half felt like you had a new born child again, you had guiltily wept to Polly - you were up all night most days with John, after his nightmares when he refused to go back to sleep, making cups of tea, curling up together with the curtains wide open, to let him remember he was no longer in the dark trenches, but in your tiny town house in the centre of Birmingham, hands gripping the others tiredly, repeating varying mantras of you're okay, you're home, you're here, I'm here for you, I'll never leave.

The fear of telling John about the pregnancy was worse than when you had sobbed to him on the sofa about Katie, when you were both only sixteen. He could barely keep up the pretence of the dad he had once been to his two children now, though he tried to so desperately. But, surprisingly to you, and everyone else around you, he was overjoyed. Every night, before the bump even began to form, he would kiss your stomach, murmuring sweet words to the baby inside. You both felt like this baby would perhaps be the new start that John so desperately needed.

And way down we go

And all of that hope, that love, that excitement, had been dashed on one single morning, four months to the day since John had got back.

He had left early, that morning, to go to work, to the betting shop only several homes down the street on Watery Lane. He had, for the first time in months, done what he always used to - run his fingers through your tangled bed hair, placed a kiss on your lips, with a whisper of “I love you.” That had left you with a wide smile, and for a few minutes, perhaps an hour, that warmth from that kiss filled you with a new hope.

It had only been when Katie and George had woke up, and began jumping up and down on your bed, when you had gotten up, going to grab them with a laugh, that you started to feel the back pain you had been feeling for hours worsen. You had just assumed you’d pulled your back chasing the children around the house, yesterday. It was only when you went to make the bed - when you saw the blood, only a small patch of it, that everything really clicked together in your mind.

It felt like everything slowed down for a moment - Katie and George were still rolling around giggling, the birds were still crowing outside, and the sheets were still clutched in your hands. You knew then, of course, that it was gone - that everything was gone. John’s happiness, that new, beautiful chance that you felt like you had earned, that all of the hardship would finally been worth it.

“Katie, darling?” Your voice was croaking, and you coughed, to clear it, to not alarm the little girl in front of you, who was so goddamn excited for her new sibling. “Run and go get your Aunt Polly for me, won’t you? Just down the street?”

Way down we go

She nodded, a beam on her little cheeks at this new sudden trust and independence, dashing out of the room, George rushing after her quickly, on his chubby little toddler legs. Katie waited for a second, grabbing his hand, half dragging him along behind her.

Your hands still clutched the sheets, as you sunk back onto the bed, a half scream building up in your throat. Not this, not this, not this. God, please, not this.

Say way down we go

It was hours later, night time just beginning to fall, and Polly was bustling around the kitchen, after murmuring something about making a cup of tea. You’d only just both got back from the doctors, and you’d barely spoken a word on the journey back on the tram, Polly’s hand clutched in yours - the only semblance of comfort you would allow her to give. She didn’t even try to put into words what she wanted to say, and for that you were grateful, because if she even said it, the word that the doctor had spoken with a pat on the shoulder, you would surely cry how you had in the doctors office, and on the tram, and on the walk home. You hadn’t stopped crying, all day, though your sobs were now occasional sniffles, as you lay buried under a pile of blankets, curled up, in both physical and emotional pain that was almost worse than anything you had ever experienced.

The front door opened, the distinct creak rippling through the silent house, almost like a warning. You froze, squeezing your eyes shut, for the first time wishing that this would be the night that John stayed out at the Garrison.

It wasn’t. You heard his voice bounce off the walls, higher pitched, afraid in a tone you’d only heard him speak whilst encapsulated in dreams.

“Y/N?”

You thanked god the kitchen was before the sitting room you lay in, that Polly could intercept him before he had to see you, and you him, because how could you face him? This baby was your fresh chance. And you had fucking lost it.

You let your feet run wild

“John.” Her voice was so gentle, as if she was afraid he would break with a single wrong word. Perhaps he would. Perhaps you would too, now.

“Pol? I’ve just - I’ve just fuckin’ got back, and Katie and George are at yours talking about how their ‘mummy is bleeding’? What the fuck does that mean? Where the hell-“

You squeezed your eyes tightly closed, hands tightly gripping onto the cushion you had wrapped yourself around. Perhaps if you thought hard enough, you could imagine yourself away, anywhere away from here.

“John. Come and sit down.” Polly’s voice was calm but firm, and though you heard several more questions from John, the kitchen door shut, and you were left with the silence, that was almost worse than the words.

The only words you had spoke to Polly when you left that doctors office was that you couldn’t possibly tell John. It was selfish, you knew, but the thought of his face crumpling, the thought of him no longer kissing your forehead in the morning, or sleeping with one hand on your stomach, was enough to make you want to hide away for ever.

Their conversation felt like it took a long time, though really, it could have only been an hour or so. You couldn’t hear much, but the sound of a crashing chair, of the shattering of some porcelain, the one singular almost roar of pain, was enough for you to cover your ears with your palms, squeezing close your teary eyes. After that, everything became quiet again, and you stayed as you were, staring up at the ceiling, eyes following the pattern of the plaster.

Time has come as we all, oh, go down

Polly left the kitchen before John, with her eyes suspiciously red, for such an astute woman. She wrapped her arms around you, supporting you, helping you get to bed, insisting on that, before she left. You didn’t really need the physical support, of course, but the feeling of the mother-like figure holding you close was comforting.

Polly left you soon after, tucked into bed, with a stroke of your hair, and a promise of visiting tomorrow, and of looking after Katie and George for as long as you needed, until you were ready.

Yeah but for the fall, ooh, my

You didn’t know how long you lay there, waiting for the door to slam shut again, waiting for him to leave, to never come back, but it never came. Instead, you heard the creaking of the stairs that so desperately needed fixing, if you ever got round to doing so.

John stood in the doorway for a while, a long look exchanged between you. His eyes were bloodshot, with alcohol and tears, and he only wore his white vest and his suit trousers, his hair messy.

Do you dare to look him right in the eyes?

“I’m sorry.” You spoke first, the meaning in your words thick.

He didn’t speak, just kicking off his shoes, laying down in the bed next to you, wrapping his arms around you tightly, so your head rested upon his chest, as your legs went to wrap around his in the way they always did. You cried in his arms for a time, and you knew he was crying too, felt the damp spot in your hair where he had buried his head.

“Don’t ever fucking say sorry for this, okay?” His voice was a mixture of anger and grief and love and it made you cry even more. “This isn’t your fault.”

“This was supposed to be our fresh start.” You pulled back a little, looked into his eyes. “Our blessing, after everything...”

He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing, trying to hold in his emotions, to be strong for you, like he had always vowed to do.

“I know, love. I know.”

“You were so happy.” You said quietly. “And now...”

He was quiet for a few minutes.

Oh, 'cause they will run you down, down 'til the dark

“Of course I was happy to have a ... have a baby with you. But that wasn’t the only reason I was happy. It was because for the first time since I got back, you seemed genuinely excited, and.. god, I don’t know - full of life. I took that from you by coming back.”

“How can you say that?” Your eyes were full of tears again as you looked up at him. “You didn’t take anything from me by coming back. You fucking gave me back the love of my life by coming back. Polly won’t have ever told you what I was like when you were gone, but I was a mess, John. I’d be a mess every day without you. Don’t you ever say that again.” Your voice rose to almost anger.

“Do you not think I see how tired you always are? How you don’t have energy anymore because I keep you awake all fucking night? How you smile less than you ever have before.”

“I don’t care about being tired John. I got you back. I got you back, and I won’t care about being tired ever again if I can hear your heartbeat every night like I can. Because I spent four years wondering if that heart was even still beating.”

His lip wobbled.

“I don’t want you to have to sacrifice for the rest of your life-“

“This is not sacrifice. This is love, okay?”

“I’m going to be like this for the rest of my life. I know it.”

“And I will be there for every night. I will hold your hand and help you through it all, okay?” Your voice quietened, hand cradling his cheek.

“I-“

“Whether you like it or not.” You continued firmly.

“I love you.” He spoke, holding you tighter. “We’ll... we’ll get through this together won’t we?”

“We’ll get through it all together.” Your voice was still croaky, still in pain, but those blue eyes of his filled you with some form of strength, as always.

One of his hands pressed onto your stomach.

“I love you.” He murmured quietly, and you knew it was to your unborn baby, the one that you would never get to name, or know the gender of, or watch grow up.

“I love you.” You repeated, one of your hands going over his, fingers interlocking.

Yes and they will run you down, down 'til you fall

And they will run you down, down 'til you go

Yeah, so you can't crawl no more

[nineteenninety-six]

Mistress (Part Four)

Here we are at the end! I did sort of take the easy route out but I hope you enjoy it either way. I’m also planning on doing a new Tommy series which will follow the show but have a better character than what Grace is. - Also probably black!reader

TW: Death, murder etc

PART ONE PART TWO PART THREE

It had been a year since Linda and Arthur's impromptu appearance at their house to blackmail them and since then it had been quiet.

None of Tommy's family had contacted them since and (Y/N) had given birth to a precious little boy they had decided to name Henry. They were a family of five now and were complete and (Y/N) was certain that she had hit the jackpot in luck.

She was blessed with Tommy, Charlie, Maisie and Henry, her wonderful family. When she found out that she was pregnant and then finding out that John had been killed she had thought her life was over but Tommy saved her.

A kiss on her shoulder brought her out of her mind, causing her to look up and meet Tommy's eyes through her vanity's mirror.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

(Y/N) gave him a soft smile and nodded, "I am."

Tommy returned her smile and offered her his hand to help her stand.

Shelby Company Limited were holding a charity gala meaning the children were left at home with the babysitter while Tommy and her played pleasantries with the most important people in Birmingham.

"Come on, the children are waiting downstairs to say goodbye" Tommy took her arm in his and together they left their bedroom. Just like Tommy said, the children were waiting for them downstairs, already dressed in their pyjamas ready to go to bed as soon as their parents left.

(Y/N) said goodbye to Charlie first, wrapping her arms around her eldest son as she kissed him on the cheek and wished him goodnight, promising him that she'd be there for

breakfast the next morning. After telling him that she loved him, she moved over to Maisie, letting Tommy say goodnight to Charlie.

Maisie was more difficult than Charlie, her little gent was much clingier to her but (Y/N) wouldn't change that at all and appreciated all the clingy hugs she received. Her little girl wasn't sated until she received a hundred 'love yous', a hundred kisses and hundred hugs, which (Y/N) happily gave.

When Maisie flung herself towards her father, (Y/N) collected Henry from the nanny and gave him a snuggle. He was already asleep but (Y/N) still enjoyed the snuggle.

When Tommy told her that the car was waiting for them outside, she gave each of her children one last kiss on the head before she left the house with Tommy.

"They'll be fine "Tommy assured her with a kiss on the back of her palm.

"I know." (Y/N) nodded "I'd just rather not waste my evening sucking up to rich people just for their money."

Tommy agreed with her but reassured her that it would only be for a few hours and then they will be able to go home.

The party was in full swing when they arrived but that didn't deter people from immediately latching on to them and filling their ears with praise and congratulation. None of their words was sincere of course, it never was but (Y/N) didn't let that affect her.

(Y/N) and Tommy were dragged to different corners of the hall and were occupied by different people who were desperate to get on the Shelby's good side by sucking up to them. They didn't see each other for the next few hours but when they were both free, they automatically made their way towards each other.

(Y/N) allowed herself to held in Tommy's arms for a few moments, losing herself in the warm and comforting arms of her husband. She wanted to be back home with her babies but this was good too.

"Can we go now?" she asked.

"I was hoping that I would at least get a dance?" Tommy offered her a hand with a smirk on his lips, "If you'll be so kind."

(Y/N) accepted his hand with her own smile, "How could I decline."

Tommy swept her up into his arms and they made their way onto the dancefloor, slowly swaying to the music the band played. It felt like it was just the two of them in the room, just dancing alone but (Y/N)’s dream was shattered by shouts of her and Tommy’s name.

It was Linda. She had stormed into the hall with a gun and was waving it around wildly causing everyone to scream and flee until the only people left in the room were Linda, Tommy and (Y/N).

“Linda, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Tommy asks as he steps forward, discreetly pushing (Y/N) behind him.

“Your family ruined my life! I have nothing left, my baby has been taken from me!” Linda screeched, looking absolutely wild, “You’ve taken everything from me!”

“Linda, think about this. Put the gun down please” (Y/N) stepped forward, pleading towards the other woman.

Linda’s head snapped towards her and something in her eyes changed before she raised her gun and shot it, the bullets hitting and lodging itself in (Y/N)’s chest.

“No!” Tommy screamed as he pulled his own gun out and shot Linda before he rushed to (Y/N)’s collapsed form on the floor.

“No, no, please, no” Tommy sobbed as he fell to his knees and pulled (Y/N)’s body to his chest, “Not again”

“T-Tommy” (Y/N) gasped as she pressed her hands to her wound, her eyes finding her husbands, “Oh fuck…”

“Help! Someone call an ambulance!” Tommy shouted, hoping somebody heard him.

(Y/N)’s hand found his and gripped it and Tommy shuddered at the sticky feeling of the blood, “T-Tommy, I love you.”

“I love you too, I love you so much” Tommy pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth.

(Y/N) let a few tears fall, knowing that she was dying and there was no way around it but a sudden thought made her gasp and lurch up.

“The children, Tom, my babies, I can’t leave them” She sobbed

“They’ll be okay, they’ll be alright” Tommy soothed.

(Y/N) kept on crying as she shook her head, “No, you have to look after them, Tommy, only you. They’ll need their daddy.”

“I will.”

“Promise me, Tommy.”

“I promise” 

Tommy didn’t intend on breaking it. It was going to be hard without her but he wasn’t going to break the promise.

As her condition got worse, (Y/N) fell silent but she kept her grip on Tommy’s hand. She had so much to say but she was too tired and judging by the blood that was pouring out of her, she didn’t have long left so she squeezed Tommy’s hand to get his attention.

“I love you." She whispered when he looked down, “Tell the children that as well.”

“I will. They’ll never forget you either, I’ll make sure.” Tommy gave her one last kiss, “I love you too.”

When (Y/N) became limp in his arms, he let out a gutwrenching scream, wondering if he was cursed.

He stayed with her until the police came and followed as they took her body and dealt with it, only leaving when he was assured that she’ll be sent to the funeral home and looked after.

When he came home, it was already morning and he could hear the children having breakfast nearby. The slamming of the door caught their attention and soon the shouts of ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’ were being shouted as Charlie and Maisie ran towards him but they skidded to a stop when they saw him. 

“Where’s mummy?” Maisie asked

“What’s wrong, daddy?” Asked Charlie

Tommy froze as he gazed at his children and it took him a while to gather his bearings, “Why don’t you finish your breakfast and we’ll talk after, okay?”

The children frowned but didn’t protest as their nanny guided them back to the dining room. While the children were distracted, Tommy dragged himself upstairs so that he could wash the blood off of him and as he stripped himself down, he made a mental note to remember to burn his clothes.

Before he went downstairs to tell his children that their mother was never coming back, he took a swig out of the bottle of rum that was kept in his room to soothe nerves but there was nothing in the world that could help him get through what he was about to do.

Charlie and Maisie were patiently waiting for him in the dining room and as soon as he sat down, Maisie clambered on to his lap and Charlie got close too.

“Mummy said she’ll be back for breakfast, where is she?” Charlie asked.

Tommy cleared his throat before he spoke, “Something happened last night and mummy got hurt….so she won’t come back.”

“Huh?”

“Mummy’s gone to heaven.”

Charlie instantly understood and began to cry, burying his head into his father’s side as he sobbed and while Maisie still didn’t understand, the sight of her brother crying, spurred her own tears. 

Tommy began crying as well. He didn’t know how he was going to raise three children but he was determined not to break the promise he made to (Y/N).

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Field of Poppies Part 14

Summary: After being apart for six years, childhood friends Tommy and Amelia reunite under odd circumstances. Tommy is an outspoken young man and Amelia is pregnant and out on the streets. The bond of family can be unbreakable but it is tested often. Especially when Europe descends into war.

Part 14: They can’t avoid the inevitable. War has come and the Shelby boys must meet their fate.

             They had the blessing of being able to spend Christmas together. They enjoyed their time together as a family, celebrating John and Martha’s newest arrival, Wilbur. While news from the war front was constant, Amelia felt reassured that Tommy and the others wouldn’t be shipped off. With the cold of winter settling in, she felt content to deny what was going on in the rest of the world. She hunkered down like a little mouse, tending to the house and keeping everything warm and keeping everyone happy.

~~~~~~~~~

            But it was not to last. After Valentine’s Day, a letter arrived.

            Amelia heard it fall through the mail slot and she went to retrieve it. When she saw the British army emblem on it, she panicked. It felt like her heart jumped to her throat.

            “Mel?” Tommy was walking downstairs and she saw an envelope in her hand. “Something wrong?”

            “No!” She clasped her hand tightly around the letter and tucked it into her skirt pocket.

            Knowing she was a terrible liar, and seeing the fear on her face, he pressed. “Mel, what is it?”

            “It’s nothing.”

            “Amelia.” He held a hand out. “Let me see.”

            She lifted her chin to try and appear truthful. “It’s not for you.”

            “Really? Who’s it for then?”

            “Me.”

            “Who’s it from?”

            “My-” She swallowed. It was so difficult trying to lie to him. Not only was she a shit liar but it tore her up inside with guilt.

            “C’mon, just let me see it.” He reached for her pocket but she backed away.

            “No!” She snapped and tucked her hand into her pocket and clutched the letter to make sure he couldn’t get to it.

            There was only one thing that got Amelia so upset. It was the war. The prospect of losing Tommy was too much for her to bear. She couldn’t hear or read about the news. She didn’t want to talk about it. She would leave a conversation if it was ever brought up. She was in complete denial. So, Tommy had a hunch about what the letter was about.

            “Amelia, give it to me.” He backed her up into the wall and reached again. She pulled her hand away, trying in vain to keep the envelope out of reach. But he grabbed her wrist and yanked it from her hand.

            Although wrinkled from the tussle, he saw the same emblem that had made her panic. Tommy stared at it for a minute. He knew what it was. He didn’t even have to open it to know. But he peeled open the envelope and took out the letter.

            Amelia watched with tears in her eyes. “Tommy…”

            He swallowed and looked up. “Mel, I told you this might happen.”

            It felt like she was kicked in the stomach. “No…no please.”

            “What do you want me to do?” He snapped. “What am I supposed to do?” He shook the letter in his hand. “Because me hands are tied! You’re only making this harder for everyone!”

            Amelia shrunk into herself, covering her eyes with her hands.

            They stood in the foyer, the only sounds from the clock on the wall and the soft sobbing from behind her hands.

            “Mel…” Tommy tossed the letter aside and stepped closer to her. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to tell you anymore.”

            “Pl-please don’t go.” She begged as he enveloped her in his arms. “Please, Tommy.”

            He hushed her softly and kissed her hair. There were no promises he could make to her anymore.

~~~~~~~~

             So, it would be. The Shelby boys were to be shipped to Le Havre in a month’s time. In the meantime, they had to get their affairs in order. Tommy and Arthur had many meetings with Polly about the future of the betting shop. Amelia wasn’t privy to the information. Tommy didn’t want to stress her out even more.

            But at least Tommy knew he wasn’t leaving his wife alone. She had his whole family to comfort her plus the friends she’d made in Birmingham. Some rekindled from their youth, some newfound. Of course, it wouldn’t be the same. Nothing would ever be the same.

             “Max?”

            “Yeah?” The little boy came into the kitchen of Six Watery Lane. Amelia was upstairs with Martha helping her tend after baby Wilbur and Abigail. Meanwhile, Max was meant to play quietly in the parlor with his toy train.          

            “C’mere.” Tommy patted his knee. His son smiled and scrambled up onto his lap. “C’mere my boy.” He helped him up.

            “Hi, daddy,” Max said sweetly. He was mildly surprised to see Tommy in the middle of the day. Usually, his father was hard at work and wouldn’t come home until bedtime.

            Tommy brushed his hair back. “I’d like to talk to you about something.”

            “Okay.”

            “Two weeks from now, I’ll have to go away for a little bit. I’ll be going with your Uncle Arthur and Uncle John.”

            Max looked confused. “Why, daddy?”

            “We’re going so we can keep you and your mum and everyone else safe.” He said gently and held his son close. “Can I show you where we’ll be?”

            “Okay!”

            Tommy stood up, carrying the four-year-old into the empty betting shop. In the meantime, operations had been halted. Most of the men who worked there had either already been drafted or were about to be. Things with Polly hadn’t quite been sorted yet so it was better to just close up shop for a bit.

            Tommy sat down where he’d left the book of maps, he’d gotten from the library just for his talk with Max. “Alright, let’s see.” He flipped through to find a map of Europe. “Right, see that little island there? That’s where we are, that little dot, Birmingham. That’s where you and mum will be. And I’ll be right over here.” He pointed to France. “That country very close by. So, we won’t be far apart.”

            Max leaned forward on the desk to trace the path from Britain to France, bumping into his father’s finger.

            “Just a little bit of water that’ll be between us.”

            “Can you swim home?” Max asked. The little centimeter of water on the map seemed insignificant to him.

            Tommy chuckled. “I don’t think so. But when I come home, I’ll take a ship across the water, then a train to Birmingham. And you and mum will be waiting at the train station, won’t you? You like seeing the trains, aye?”

            “Yeah!”

            “Well, that’s good because I’ll come home on a train. I’ll come home to you and mum. I promise.”

            The days went by too fast. Amelia knew she would never be prepared for the day Tommy left. But she tried her best.

            The night before, she held onto Tommy fast as they made love. Their last moment of intimacy for the time being. Halfway through, he looked at her and realized a tear was slipping down her cheek.

            “Alright?”

            “I’m just trying to make everything last.” She whispered.

            He wiped the tear from her cheek. “It’s just a small time apart.” He assured her. “I’ll always find my way back to you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

            Tommy held Amelia’s hand as they walked to the train station that fateful day. Max was riding on Tommy’s shoulders, oblivious to what was really going on. It didn’t help that John and Arthur were sure they were basically headed for a nice little holiday. They joked that the war would be ended the second they stepped foot in France. Whether it was just being mindless or an attempt to stay sane, no one knew for sure.

            Besides, they weren’t the only ones who thought the war would be a quick ordeal. Nothing too difficult, nothing too long. Who could beat the British army?

            Tommy was a bit more realistic and somber. He couldn’t be sure of the timeframe they faced. But any number of days away from his wife and son was too many.

                   They said their goodbyes at the train station, among a sea of families all in the same situation. Martha had a hard time even speaking, she was so overcome with grief. There was only so much John could say to comfort her. Meanwhile, Abigail and Wilbur were much too young to understand.

            Polly hugged each of her nephews close and told them to watch after each other.

            Amelia kissed Tommy, forcing herself to let go of him when the time came. “Right, Max, say goodbye to daddy, give him a cuddle.”

            It seemed to dawn on Max that his father really was leaving. “Daddy.”

            Tommy picked up the four-year-old. “Yes?”

            “You hafta stay.” Anxiety was starting to creep into the little boy’s voice.

            “I want to, Max, I do. But I can’t.” He said gently. “You have to stay here with mum. You watch after her and your cousins, right? Auntie Martha and Auntie Pol? You’ll watch after them too?”

            Max hiccuped and began to cry. “No, daddy, stay here!”

            “I’ll be back, I promise. I’ll come back home to you and mum. But I have to leave for now.” Tommy met Amelia’s eyes but neither knew what to say to comfort Max.

            A loud piercing whistle came from the train. Amelia’s stomach was in knots as she pried her son away from Tommy. Max screamed when his last finger slipped away from Tommy’s uniform.

            Amelia wanted to scream too as she watched Tommy, John, and Arthur disappear into the crowd of soldiers. She wanted to scream for him to come back. But instead, she held Max close, her tears falling into his hair.

Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @biba3434 @kimmietea @karmezii @enrapturedbythemoon @vampgirl1997 @tarafaithe​ @evelynshelby​

Tag list: @shelbyblinded

Masterpost

PB Masterlist

[comfy-whumpee]

Iz 1

CW: alcohol / drinking

“Wanted to be an astronaut,” the stranger says, after knocking back the last of her beer. Nic watches her as she slams the glass down, black tank top showing her muscles all the way up to the shoulder. “Fuckin’ asthmatic, aren’t I? ‘S what I get for growing up in Birmingham. Shit for lungs.”

 Nic laughs, tearing their eyes from the stranger’s bicep. “To be fair, most kids who want to go to space never make it there.”

 “Well, yeah,” the stranger concedes, a bit of teeth showing with a crooked grin, dark eyes crinkling. “Most don’t study astrophysics just to get a bit closer, though.”

 “True. Some just watch sci-fi and dream.”

 The stranger grunts and shrugs. Conversation stalls. Nic stares at the empty beer glass, condensation speckling its smooth surface like freckles on a cheek.

 “You alright?” says the stranger. Her gruff voice is softer than it’s been all night.

 Nic rubs a hand over their face and, yep, they’re crying. “Sorry,” they mumble, taking a deep breath, blinking hard. “I’m alright. I – lost someone.” Not dead, they want to explain – but really, how would they know? “He loved space, and sci-fi, and,” they laugh again, more shakily, through the tears, “would have thought you were so cool.”

 “I am cool,” the stranger says with a cocky smile. Then her expression softens, and she rubs Nic’s back. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 “No idea,” they say, scrubbing their eyes. The stranger passes them a bar napkin. They find they’re talking anyway. “He was a, a nerd, I guess. Not a big fan of people, n-not really into socialising. He was happy if he could stay in all day at the computer, watching things and coding stuff, playing video games with his online friends. Old, goofy sci-fi like, Doctor Who, Star Trek and st-stuff. Adventures. He wanted to go to the m-moon when he was a kid.”

 “Sounds cool.”

 “So cool,” Nic agrees, fresh tears rushing to their eyes. “Clever, good at s-solving problems or, or fixing things. Fixed my computer enough times. Couldn’t,” another weak chuckle, “couldn’t do public speaking to save his life, but when I-I got him alone, we talked f-for hours.”

 The stranger’s hand keeps rubbing their back, gentle despite her brusque, butch manner.

 “Always full of trivia, too, like,” they sniffle, “like how old TVs worked o-or weird maths things, s-sometimes it’d be a fact an-nd sometimes, he’d set m-me up and, it’d be a pun or s-something.” They’re smiling so wide even as their voice is choked with sobs. They give into the urge to cry for a minute, little choked sobs coming from behind their hands, and the stranger doesn’t move.

 “Sorry,” they say again, when they can speak again. “I-It’s a weird thing to d-do when you first meet someone.”

 “Sounds like you needed it. Anyway, we met a few hours ago, so it’s fine.”

 That’s true, they suppose. They hadn’t spoken, exactly, because of other people and other friends, and Nic was still kind of new to this theatre group. But the numbers had dwindled as they’d started chatting, and it had been at least two hours of just them.

 “Don’t even kn-know your name,” they point out.

 “Addison Lee,” the stranger says. “Or, Iz, really. All the others call me that, so you can too.”

 “I’m Nic,” they return. “And I’m – not normally such a, a mess.”

 Iz nudges them. “Apology not accepted. Go be a mess. Be a mess with me anytime. Alright?”

  They nod. They cry again. Iz rubs their back, and gives death glares to anyone who looks their way.

[thepeakyfckingblinders]

Disturbing || Tommy Shelby x reader

⤠ MASTERLIST⤟

Anon requested/summary:  Can you write one about tommy and reader breaking up, then months later tommy sees her with people he doesn’t approve, of drinking ( drugs eg if your comfortable) so he try’s to get her back? Maybe with younger reader

Warnings: Younger reader (20-25 yrs old), anxiety, maybe angst, drug use, heavy drinking, swearing (but, c’mon, it’s the peaky fooking blinders we’re talking about)

Author’s notes: 

I’m sorry if the title sucks, I can’t think of anything better at the moment

This was my very first request and I was so tense while writing it, I guess I smoked a thousand cigarettes in the process! I’m praying that you’ll like it, let me know what you think and tell me if this is what you expected  ♡

I myself suffer form anxiety, in the first part I just tried to explain how my brain works in certain situations and that’s why it is so long, I hope you won’t get bored.

I’m Italian, English isn’t my first language, so I apologize for every possible mistake I made. Also please, help me improve my writing by telling me if there’s something wrong

ENJOY!

You had been trying to keep control of your mind, you truly had, but in the end that familiar sense of pure fear took over you, again. A heavy form of anxiety had been haunting you ever since you were a little girl, but, as the years went by, you had learnt to cope with it well and when you met Thomas, things only got better, the strong bond between the two of you constantly helping you handle that issue. 

Nevertheless, during the last month, things got definitely out of hand: Tommy was always caught up with business, rarely paying attention to you and your increasing fragility, he hadn’t spent a night home since ages and still, in those rare moments you were together, he was just so distant, totally lost in his own mind.

On the other hand, you never once blamed him for the way his life worked, after all you were perfectly aware of how hard it was for him to look after his whole empire, always trying to deal with countless problems without causing any harm to his loved ones, and that was surely not the easiest thing to do. But this time was different: you couldn’t prevent your brain from having obsessive thoughts about Thomas getting completely tired of having you in his way, you actually convinced yourself he was sleeping with other women in the nights he didn’t come home, and on those nights your eyes never shut, you spent hours alone in your king size bed, staring at the white ceiling with short breath and palpitations. That’s why you just couldn’t take it anymore, anxiety was once more sucking the life out of you and you absolutely needed to talk to your boyfriend about it, so, as soon as he entered the house that night, you practically run towards him, determined to calmly explain everything; too bad, your exhausted mind wasn’t working straight and your mouth immediately made it clear.

-Y-you have to tell me-  Tears already streaming down your face while the handsome man in front of you gave you a confused look, not having a clue of what was going on. You could tell he also was in a bad mood, indeed your sentence was at first totally ignored as he walked into his study and quickly lit a cigarette, before filling his glass with whisky.

-What the hell are you talking about, y/n?-

You were now facing him again, your hands shamelessly trembling against your chest while you hardly held back the crying. -If there’s another woman, i-if you want to get rid of me, you have to tell me now, ‘cause I’m l-losing my mind, Thomas-

You slightly jumped when his now empty glass was roughly shoved against the huge desk separating your figures, then you unconsciously stepped back, noticing absolute fury burning in his glacial eyes.

-Are you serious right now, eh? Have you any idea how fucking difficult it is to keep everything working these days, eh?- His voice was loud and raspy as he stood from his seat -And you fucking come and tell me about other bloody women, how idiotic of you!- Heavy sobs started coming out of your throat, Thomas instead took a deep breath in order to calm down and stop shouting in your face; once he had partially blown off steam, he sat back in his chair, looking up at you almost with disgust.

-You know what? My brothers were right for once, you’re just a silly kid unable to fit in our world. This whole thing was a mistake, I need a fucking grown woman by my side!- A disturbing silence filled the room right after he spat those bitter words and you swore you heard your heart stop along with your breathing in that very moment, your eyelids instinctively tightened for several seconds, yet, when your eyes flew back open, you realized it wasn’t only a bad dream. Tommy was still staring at you with a stern expression, probably waiting on your next move, so you just looked into his blue irises one last time, unable to speak a single syllable, before leaving.

                                                                                                       3 months later

Days went by fast after your break up with Thomas, since then you’d been trying to avoid him in every way possible, humiliation and pain being still too intense to let you face him without terrible consequences for your already vulnerable spirit. Indeed, everything around you was literally going to pieces right before your eyes and you couldn’t help it; even though you’d always been a strong girl, pretty capable of getting through life and its adversities, recent events had left you in a state of such deep sorrow, that the only thing you were able to do was seek any practicable form of anesthesia in order to escape from reality, even just for a brief moment. In fact, you’d been hanging out with a group of very low guys from East Birmingham, which led you to do drugs and bend your elbow more and more often, severely damaging your ability to think rationally, and the worst part was that you didn’t even care about what you were doing to yourself, as long as it allowed you to get along with your demons.

And then one night, your presumed new friends literally dragged you to the Garrison, despite your loud protests arising from the awareness of the fact that Thomas would’ve been there too. Luckily, long before the Shelby brothers made their usual entrance into their pub, you ended up being utterly intoxicated by alcohol and cocaine to the point that, when the moment finally came and Tommy showed up, you barely noticed him. Too bad for you, Tom’s eyes, on the other hand, never failed in spotting your silhouette among the crowd. At first, seeing you again after all those days brought pure relief to his soul, God only knew how much he had missed you, but soon after he remembered the reason why you were gone and his jaw clenched with regret and shame for the unforgivable way he had treated you.  Conscious of the fact that he had already caused you too much pain, Thomas was about to go away and leave you be, until he saw you diving in some random guy’s arms while heavy drinking directly from a bottle. It just wasn’t like you to act in such a way, therefore he immediately realized that something must have been wrong, so, before his mind had a chance to catch up with the rest of his body, Tommy found himself taking long strides in your direction, roughly elbowing anyone who was in his path. All of a sudden, you observed your friend’s face turn pale and his eyes go wide with fear for no apparently reason, Andrew kept staring at a precise point behind your shoulders and when you turned around in order to understand what was going on, Thomas Shelby was in front of you in all his glory. For a couple of seconds he just stood there, sending deadly glares at the poor boy next to you, blood boiling in his veins because of the violent rage that affected him, then his attention entirely moved to your trembling figure.

-I need a word with you- You felt your chest shrinking in pain as his calm and deep voice reached your ears, but you still tried to play it cool with a strength you didn’t know you had. -Fuck you already, Thomas- A resentful laugh erupted from your throat while, careful not to look in his mesmerizing eyes, you attempted to turn your back on him, yet a gentle grip on your forearm stopped your movements, forcing you to stay in your place.

-I’m begging you, y/n, we need to talk- This time his crystal blue gaze successfully entangled yours and your mind went totally black for a moment, preventing you to fight against him as he guided you out of the pub. Birmingham’s cold breeze immediately hit both of your bodies, but you were hardly able to sense it, due to the effects that drugs and alcohol had on your brain; once you were far enough from the chaos, Tommy stopped walking, his large hand still on your arm. -What are you doing?- His thumb made it to your beautiful face, softly wiping away from your nose the traces of that familiar white powder. -This is not you, y/n!-

His tone raised, displaying all of his concern, you simply gave him a forceful shove in attempt to push him away, but his toned chest didn’t move an inch. -Why do you even care, Tommy? After all I’m just a silly kid to you!- You started screaming, prey of your frustration, as soon as you felt hot tears forming in your eyes; the realization of how you still hopelessly loved him stabbed you right in the ribs.

-Please, just listen to me, okay?- He said while cupping your face with both his hands, probably to make sure you were looking at him, so you managed to childishly close your eyes in a last desperate demonstration of your hard feelings towards him. -I know I hurt you, I know the things I said to you were cruel and unfair, you didn’t deserve that, nothing of that was true- Thomas leaned his forehead against yours, even though you still had your eyes closed and your fists harshly pressed against his chest, his voice now sounding a lot closer. -I was going through a hard time and I was a fucking bastard for putting it all on you. But I swear to God, love, look at me- he slightly rocked you in order to get your attention -Look at me, I love you, y/n- Your eyelids flew open instantly, that being the very first time he clearly admitted his feelings for you, and suddenly you were no longer able to control all of your destructive emotions: your body was now racked with violent sobs as you finally let him hold you properly, crying out loud against his waistcoat and shirt. -Shh, shh- Tommy’s thumbs gradually wiped the tears away from your cheeks, while his lips briefly pecked yours multiple times. -It’s okay, we’ll be fine-  he mumbled in between kisses - let’s go home now-.

[interstellarflare]

I Loved You Dangerously - Thomas Shelby

-PART ONE-

Song: Dangerously - Charlie Puth (slowed)

Warnings: Violence, swearing.

Summary: I loved you dangerously, more than the air that I breathe. Knew we would crash at the speed that we were going, didn't care if the explosion ruined me. Baby, I loved you dangerously, Mmmm, mmmm. I loved you dangerously.

An arranged marriage to one of London’s most notorious criminals isn’t something that you planned for. But when you so happen to be kidnapped by the one and only Thomas Shelby of the Peaky Blinders, your story takes a drastic turn full of lies, deception, and a love that you never thought possible.

Author’s Note: This is a series that is all my own. Events happening within will not directly correlate with the actual show. A tag list is open! The people who have been tagged have been previously tagged in my ‘Back to You’ Series. 

With the morning smog settling over London, the smell of industrial smoke clouding my senses, I stared down at the silver and diamond-encrusted band that sat idly on my ring finger.

A sudden mood of despair descended upon my form, causing a heavy sigh to escape my lips. I will never forget this feeling, the feeling of forced marriage to a man who I barely knew. Granted, I knew his name, Alfie Solomons had a reputation I did not want to be associated with. Especially with his current feud with the Shelby Family in Small Heath, Birmingham. My father, believing he was a good man, arranged the marriage without my knowledge. I knew different, I knew what a man like Alfie Solomons really wanted from a man like my father. Financial support. As one of the richest men in London, all Alfie would need to do was marry into it in order to secure one of the largest fortunes in London. And he had done that, by using me as a barganing chip. To safeguard his fortune so-to-speak. I was beyond furious, and so I found myself here: alone and confused beyond all reason.

“And what is my lovely fiancée doin’ out all by erself?” the voice of the said man questioned, his concerned tone almost sounding genuine as he sat down across from my form on the other side of the table. Rolling my eyes in annoyance, I turned my gaze towards him with a fake smile that had an underlying tone of ‘fuck you’. “I was enjoying my morning-” “Aw, don’t be like that...” Alfie whined, shaking his head in what appeared to be amusement. A loud scoff escaped my lips, leaning forward to lean my elbows against the table as I tried to contain my anger “I know what you’re up to...” I spoke lowly, glaring up at him darkly “...to you, I hold nothing but material value. Men like you want nothing more than power, and my father has that. I am nothing more than a precaution” I growled, holding his dangerous stare with what little courage I could muster.

The sound of his laugh caused my entire being to wince, my chest tightening as his eyes narrowed into a taunting smirk. “You are smarter than I thought Miss L/n...” he drawled out, shaking his head with a roll of his eyes “...however, your looks make up for that”. Slamming my hands onto the table, I stood up with such speed that the chair behind me fell to the floor with a loud clatter. “Alfie Solomons, you disgust me” I spat, quickly storming away from my supposed finacé. The rage that coursed through my veins caused an exasperated sigh to escape my lips. How dare he!? That slimy, son of a bitch! If I had stayed with him, I would have killed him. Maybe that wouldn’t have been such a bad idea. “Miss L/n, don’t be like that...” Alfie called out, his footsteps fast approaching “...Y/n, come on-” “Fuck off!” I shouted, weaving through the crowds growing on the streets of London.

As a hand suddenly wrapped forcefully around my upper arm, I shrieked in shock as I was suddenly pulled into an abandoned alley, pushed harshly against the wall and pinned between the cold brickwork and Alfie’s body. “Now you listen ere’, I intend to get what I want whether you like it or not...” he growled darkly, staring down at me with eyes that could certainly kill anyone who looked at him the wrong way. My body froze as his hand gently caressed my cheek, coming to rest at my neck as he forced my chin upward “...now, you can grow to love me, or you can just play along with my little charade” he growled darkly, his breath fanning over my face as he grew intimidatingly closer. I felt my eyes sting with tears, my chest fluttering with nerves as his thumb gently caressed my jawline. Averting my gaze to the ground, I fell silent as I bit my bottom lip between my teeth.

With a knowing and approving hum, he released me from his hold and took a few steps back, his predator-like eyes looking me up and down hungrily. My stomach twisted in utter disgust. Goosebumps covered my entire body, causing my body to tremble slightly out of fear at what this man could do. I felt so little, so weak standing before him, and he knew that. He knew that I was scared of him, of what he could be, and he reveled in that fact. With a haunting chuckle, Alfie smirked and winked, “I’ll see you later tonight love...” he trailed off lowly, looking me over once more before disappearing out of the alley and back onto the streets of London.

It was then I released a breath I didn’t know I had been holding, a choked sob escaping my lips as my right hand flew to my chest. A wave of emotion suddenly coursed through my body; anger, sadness, fear...I didn’t know what to do. Lifting my gaze to the smog-covered sky, my eyes focused on a sole beam of light that descended down into the alley. Wrapping my body in a heavenly warmth, I allowed a few tears to fall from my eyes and onto my cheeks. Everything had gone to shit. My father had thrown me into the jaws of a lion, with no knowledge of its potential consequences. I meant nothing, to either of them. I was simply a prize to be won. Drying my eyes free of tears, and wiping them on the navy blue fabric of my dress, I took long and deep breaths in an attempt to keep myself from crying. I couldn’t fall apart, not now. With a heavy heart and tired limbs, I too exited the alley and headed in the opposite direction to Alfie. The weight of the engagement ring on my finger becoming heavier by the second.

Staring down at the silver band, I couldn’t help but long to throw it away. Getting married to someone who didn’t love me just...wasn’t right. And yet there was nothing I could do to stop it. The hairs on the back of my neck suddenly stood on end, the feeling of being watched suddenly causing my blood to run cold. Something wasn’t right. Cautiously turning my head to look over my shoulder, my heart began to beat nervously in my chest as I spotted two black-clad figures in the corner of my eye. One of them appeared to be young, perhaps five years younger than myself. The man beside him was definitely older, a ginger mustache resting on his top lip which somehow managed to make his appearance more intimidating. With every worst possible situation running through my jumbled and confused mind, I wasn’t bothered to stick around and find out who they were.

Increasing my pace to a brisk walk, my breath hitched in my throat as I watched my two pursuers do the same. Despite my utter hatred for the man, I wished that Alfie hadn’t left. Then these men, whoever they were, would not have begun to follow me in the first place. There was still a possibility that I could catch him, if I was quick. If I hurried around the corner, I could possibly meet him back at the cafe we had been at earlier. But it seemed like my pursuers had other plans, as a sudden force hauled me into another much darker alley. “Miss L/n...” a low, husky voice spoke hauling me even deeper into the darkness where the silhouette of a small car could just be seen in the shadows of the buildings above “...it’s an absolute honour to finally meet you”.

“Let go of me you fucking prick!” I shouted, struggling in the grip of my pursuers who could only chuckle at my feeble attempts. “I’d be quiet if I were you” the younger man snapped, tightening his grip on my arm enough to make me wince. Carelessly throwing me into the car, everything fell into an eerie silence as the younger of the two jumped into the drivers’ seat, the older man sat next to me with a deep sigh, the unmistakable glint of his firearm aiming directly at my side. “How rude of us, we haven’t introduced ourselves...” the man beside me chuckled humorously, seemingly forgetting about the situation he was in “...the name’s Arthur Shelby, and that there is John....pleasure to make your acquaintance” he taunted darkly, smirking evilly down at my smaller form with a knowing and victorious expression. At the mention of his name, my body froze completely. Shelby...as in Arthur and John Shelby of the Peaky Blinders. Of Small Heath, Birmingham...Alfie’s sworn enemy. 

As the car’s engine roared to life, and began to crawl its way out of the dark alleyway, I turned to face Arthur Shelby beside me, and blank expression plastered into my face mixed with a hateful glare. He knew I was scared, quite frankly, I was beyond that. But there was no way in hell I would give this bastard the satisfaction of seeing me crumble and fall apart before him. With a kind and sarcastic smile, I sneered in the man’s direction with the most fake, yet sincere tone I could muster. 

“Go fuck yourself”.

Tag List:  @supermassiveblackhope​ @spaghettirogers​ @audioshoes​   @gabriellepearce96​ @twin-skltns​ @daisyxbuckley​ @arachnidscosmopoliton​ @affabletimelady​ @ljb-novels​

[ijustwant2write]

Thin Ice-Bonnie Gold x Reader

(GIF credit to @finnshelby1920s)

Masterlist

Summary: The snow is thick in Small Heath, the largest amount of snowfall there has ever been; and with the freezing cold comes ice, which covers a nearby lake and makes it a popular spot for ice skating. Esme decides that it’s a good idea to take her kids there, get them away from the danger of their family, even for an hour or so. Little does she know that she’s led them directly to that, and an unsuspecting hero swoops in.

Characters: Bonnie Gold x Reader, Esme Shelby x Reader (platonic)

Meanings: (Y/N)= Your name

Warnings: Drowning, distressing moments, fluff

(A/N: Don’t know why I’m writing about winter in the middle of summer. Also, Betty is a made up character and I made up one of the kids names cause they don’t actually have names.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I had already lost any feeling in my toes, my thick boots and three pairs of socks not doing anything to shield me from the snow. Small Heath was now suffering through its third week of snow, and at first it had been fun, but now it was too much for anyone. The snow wasn’t fluffy and fun to play with anymore, it was solid and hard to even walk on; buried underneath inches of snow was ice, making it even harder to walk. Those who had to go to work wore annoyed expressions on their faces as they trudged through the weather, whilst those who were lucky remained in their cosy beds. However, Betty and I decided that we had to embrace the snow, seeing as Small Heath hardly got any; I was now regretting that decision.

“Remember when we were doing that two weeks ago?” Betty giggled as we looked out to a bunch of kids attempting to skate on the frozen lake.

“Yeah. How come they’re doing better than I did?” I joked as the smallest one fell over.

“Can you believe that it’s stayed frozen for so long? I would have thought it would be breaking by now.”

“It seems like the snow is never going to leave.”

“Do you want to head back?”

“No! We’ve only been out for ten minutes.”

“Betty,” I whined,“come on, it feels like my feet have been cut off!”

“No, we may never see snow fall again-”

“I doubt that-”

“But look how beautiful it makes everything look!”

Betty then went rambling on about how precious nature was, how we should cherish every moment of it, even though she had never once stepped foot in the countryside. I let her go on, focusing on keeping my hands warm, seeing as every other limb was numb. Betty could have a whole conversation to herself, that’s how much she spoke, so she didn’t even realise I wasn’t listening. I usually loved our extremely long chats, but right now my brain couldn’t function in the cold.

“Mum! Mum, help!” a child called out, making our heads turn. 

There was a young girl, she couldn’t be older than seven, stood in the middle of the lake, tears streaming down her face.

“Louisa, stay there, mum will get you!” the mum shouted back.

“Isn’t that John Shelby’s wife?” Betty asked as we watched.“Esme? Yeah, I think that’s her name.”

Esme went to step onto the frozen lake, jumping back as the sound of cracking rang out. She held back the other dozen kids, her eyes wide with panic. That poor girl was left on her own, she wouldn’t have any idea how to get out of there safely; and she was in hysterics to even move.

“(Y/N), what are you doing?” Betty stressed as I shed off my coat, scarf, gloves and hat.

“That poor girl isn’t going to make it out of there alive unless someone helps her.”

“No, (Y/N), we can’t get involved with this! And what are you even going to do?!”

“Just stay here, look out for me, OK?”

She continued to protest as I took a small, light step onto the ice. It felt sturdy, like it would hold me, and I was confident to walk on. Esme was still screaming, her other children distressed, Betty had run to be beside her, holding her back from running out to us; she knew just what to do, we needed them to be calm. If they were calm, Louise would be too. I hesitated as it fell silent, the occasional chirp from a bird sounding out. After another glance, I summoned all of my bravery, forcing my feet forwards.

“Louisa? That’s your name, isn’t it?” I called out, keeping an eye on the ice. It was starting to thin out, I could almost make out the water beneath us.

“Y-yes.” she sobbed.

“That’s a lovely name. I’m (Y/N). I’m coming to help.”

“I’m s-stuck. The ice is breaking.”

“I know sweetheart. But don’t worry.”

“I’m scared, I’m going to fall!”

“No, you’re not.” I felt a thud beneath my foot, seeing the ice cracking.“All we have to do, is take small steps. Look.”

I took a deep breath as I walked towards her, relieved when I didn’t see anymore cracks. She too looked slightly calmer, glancing down to her feet before her name was called out again. Back on land, John Shelby had arrived, along with his youngest brother and Polly Gray. 

“Who’s that?” I asked, pretending I didn’t know to distract her.

“That’s my dad. And uncle Finn, and aunt Pol. But she’s not really my aunt.”

I was still taking more steps “Oh, they seem lovely.” 

“But I don’t know who that boy is.”

There was a young lad too, I had never seen him before, but he was also wearing a peaky cap. He was intently watching the situation unfold, though not like the others; there was something different about the way he was watching.

“I think he’s here to help.” I reassured her, thankful that she was fully focused on them.

Until the new lad started to walk onto the lake. 

“What is he doing?” Louisa shakily said.

“Oi! Get off! I’ve got this.” I yelled at him. 

“I’m only trying to help.” He shouted back, I was surprised by his accent; he definitely wasn’t from around here.

I sent him a glare, warning him not to move. When he did as I wished, I put my attention back on Louisa.

“We’re almost there Louisa.” I breathed out, trying to not show how scared I was as the ice broke more and more underneath my weight.

“The ice, it’s-” 

I ran towards her, knowing that there was no more time, feeling unstable on the ice, and shoved her away from me before I felt the ground beneath me disappear, a shock wave of freezing water rushing over me. My instincts told me to scream, though that only made me swallow the water, and I was struggling to even hold my breath; forcing my eyes open, they stung as I tried to recollect myself, force my arms and legs to move. However, they were paralyzed, I was a good swimmer and I couldn’t even work out with direction I was supposed to be moving in. Where was the hole that I fell into? Where was the surface?!

My lungs were throbbing, aching to get some air in them, eyes stinging madly as I kept them open. I felt like a wicked witch had cast a spell on me, turning me to stone, that’s how immobile I was. But I kept fighting. I was terrified, this wasn’t how I was going to die. This was a painful, sad, lonely death. And what about Louisa? Had I helped her? Or had this all been for nothing? Were we both dying?

Something grabbed the back of my dress, and something else grabbed my upper arm; it tugged at me harshly, pulling me upwards. The force was strong, and I panicked, thinking some sort of creature lurking in the waters had got me; though I don’t know what sort of monster would be living in a lake in Birmingham. Goosebumps instantly appeared on my skin as I was taken out of the water, coughing and spluttering. Whoever was holding me was also trying to catch their breath, I tilted my head back, seeing the man who had almost jeopardized this whole thing. He was waving one arm about, wrapping the other around my waist to hold me.

“There they are! Get that branch out to them!” I heard a man shout.

The remaining men and Esme had ventured onto the strong part of the ice, holding a huge branch that had fallen off of a tree towards us. My saviour strained to reach it, though managed to grab it, and we were pulled out of the water, finally safe. As we made it onto land, Betty rushed forwards, tightly wrapping me in my coat, shoving on my accessories to warm me up.

“You,” Esme knelt in front of me, taking my face in her hands,“are a bloody angel.”

I then felt someone jump onto me, seeing that it was Louisa. I smiled, trying to hold back the tears of distress, everything was moving too quickly. My mind couldn’t register what was happening in time, and I couldn’t believe that I had made it out alive. The man who rescued me still had his arm around me, him also being covered with his jacket. 

Water dripped from our hair onto our faces as we looked at each other; I just couldn’t form a sentence to even thank him. His dark eyes bore into mine, they were entrancing. For a moment I felt warmth, perhaps from how he was looking at me. My friends had described how their boyfriends looked at them with such love, such devotion; and for some reason I felt like he was looking at me in that way. Perhaps it was the lack of oxygen getting to me, there’s no way I could fall in love with a stranger like that. 

“We need to get her to the hospital. You too Bonnie, otherwise you’ll both freeze to death.” Polly interjected, helping me to my feet as the men helped this Bonnie lad.

Betty stayed with me the whole time the doctors looked over me. I was advised to stay inside, wrap up warm and rest after finding out nothing else was wrong with me. But throughout my check up, I thought back to Bonnie who was also here. Did he think I wasn’t grateful? Did he see me in a bad light? I tried asking about him, but received no information. Betty didn’t know anything either, instead ushering me out of the hospital wrapped in blankets. I must have spent the rest of the day shivering, even with my duvet on top of the blankets as I laid beside the fire. For dinner, I cradled the bowl of soup in my hands, relishing in the feeling as it slipped down my throat. But sleep hadn’t come easy that night, my mind flashing back to what had happened, that horrible feeling of drowning coming back; I gave up that night, praying that that experience would leave my thoughts, though who could forget something like that?

When the light from the sun streamed through any gaps in my curtains, I hauled myself out of bed, sniffling as I felt the cold that had developed overnight (what a surprise). I had to go about my daily life, even if I was resting. Putting on makeup and actually getting dressed made me feel better mentally, took my mind off of...that. 

“(Y/N), you should still be in bed.” Betty softly said as she entered the kitchen, finding me making breakfast.

“I know. I’ll probably go back after this. But it’s a thank you for looking after me.” I smiled as I handed her a bacon sandwich.

“It’s not even been a day. Thank you though.” she took the sandwich, sitting at the table before I joined her.

Before we could really dig into our food, there was a knock at the door. Betty got up, instructing me to stay like a dog. The clock on the wall said it was only quarter to ten, still a little early for someone to visit. Betty called my name, well, more like sang it. What was she excited about?

Tucking my hair behind my ear, I felt the cold wind sweep in as Esme and Louisa stepped into our home. Louisa had a big box of chocolates along with a bottle of whisky, a huge grin showing off her teeth, and the one missing at the front. 

“Hello.” I greeted them.

“We were just popping by to give you these.” Esme gently nudged her daughter, Louisa shyly handing them to me.“It’s not much compared to what you did yesterday.”

“It’s lovely, thank you.”

“We would have got you flowers too, but it’s not exactly a good season.” Esme hesitated before speaking again.“I need to ask you though, why did you do it?”

“Uh...”

“We don’t know each other. Plus, we’re Shelby’s.”

“Who you are had nothing to do with it. I saw a child in trouble and...something just took over me.”

“Well thank god it did. Bonnie practically sprinted towards you when he saw what was happening.”

“Do you know how he is?”

“Somehow he’s just as normal as he usually is. Must be his gypsy blood.”

“And what about you Louisa? How are you feeling?” 

“I’m alright now.” she replied.“It was really scary but you were really brave.”

“So were you.”

“Right, come on Louisa,” Esme huffed,“(Y/N) needs to rest. And I’ve left your siblings alone for far too long.”

I waved them off, holding the gifts in my other hand. Nudging the door shut, I was going to follow Betty back to the kitchen, but there was someone else knocking at our door, and I hadn’t even closed it. Betty took the gifts from my hand, leaving me alone with another visitor.

“Oh, hello, Bonnie right?”

 I knew his name, why had I said that? Oh yeah, because he was a stranger who had control over me, just because of the way he looked at me. Yet, he was here, looking extremely handsome, even after that incident. 

“Yes, (Y/N).” he was confident.“I know Esme has just given you the gift of chocolates and alcohol, so I thought I would add to the mix.”

He held his hand out, a bunch of beautiful, white, delicate flowers in them. I smiled, slightly gasping at them.

“I thought there weren’t any flowers that grew in winter.”

“Snowdrops, for the snow angel.”

Oh god, he was a smooth talker too.

“I really should be the one giving you gifts, you’re the one that saved me.”

“Well, I was hoping you would do something for me in return.”

I leaned against the door frame, looking down at the flowers as I blushed.

“What is it?”

“Can I take you out for dinner?”

“R-really? You want to take me out?”

“Yes. I admire a brave, smart and kind woman. There aren’t many ladies like you out there. You’re intriguing to me and I want to get to know you, a stranger that popped out of nowhere and saved a little girl.”

I was taken back by his words. No one had ever spoken about me like that. Where had this man come from?

“Of-of course Bonnie. I’d love to.”

“I’ll let you rest (Y/N). Get better for our date.” he winked, tucking his hands into his pockets as he walked away.

“I will!” I called out, instantly cringing as the words came out.

I may have been a hero, but I definitely wasn’t a natural flirt, unlike some people. As I shut the door, I was tempted to run back to bed, rest easy and get better within record speed; this man was so interesting to me. He too had risked his life to save me, and apparently I was the interesting one. The snowdrops in my hand were somehow radiant, making me smile; either that or my headache was coming back. Shaking it off, I squealed on my way back to the kitchen, ready to tell Betty absolutely everything.

[mashtonasfuck]

I was at work when Ash posted this, and came out of work to see the notif and then proceeded to sit in my car sobbing for 20 minutes. This man, and this band are my lifeline. I’ve never told y’all my story about how I found 5 Seconds of Summer, but now seems like a good time. I’ll put it under the cut so it doesn’t clog up your dash.

I found Luke around the 14th of March 2011. I was 14. He’d posted his cover of ‘Fireflies’ by Ron Pope a few days before, and there was just something about it that I couldn’t get out of my head. At the time I didn’t think much of it (this was pre-youtube account) and I kept checking back every now and then to see if he posted anything else. In April of that same year, Mike and Cal uploaded a video introducing them as a three piece under the name of ‘5 Seconds of Summer’ - they did a few more covers, most of the time with only two of them lmao, and I kept checking back to see what they were posting. Ash joined them in December 2011 and they became a four piece.

When they uploaded the video for ‘Teenage Dirtbag’, I knew that I wanted to keep watching their content as there was just something I still couldn’t shake. The energy with the four of them had shifted somehow from just being the three of them, and it kept me interested.

They toured a lil bit of Aus in 2012, and I spent my days on Youtube watching shitty videos of them playing songs they’d written themselves rather than covers. They then revealed that they were releasing an EP later in the year. They dropped ‘Unplugged’ in June 2012 in Aus and NZ and I remember being super sad that I couldn’t buy it in the UK yet. It was released WW in December 2012, and you bet your ass I bought an iTunes voucher so I could buy it (remember iTunes vouchers?? Those were the days, RIP iTunes). They moved to London at the end of that year. I remember seeing a video someone uploaded of them doing an impromptu session playing in a park in London and being so sad that I wasn’t there to see them. They did some small intimate shows in the UK while they were over here, but I never got to go to any of them.

In early 2013 they started touring with 1D, but again I never got to see them. I LIVED for the shitty videos people were posting on Youtube of their performances, and I was desperate to see this band I’d become so obsessed with following.

On the 24th of February 2014, they uploaded the video for ‘She Looks So Perfect’ on Youtube. It was at this point that my friends at school became aware of them and started following them, despite me telling them for years that this band were awesome (teenagers, am I right?). On the 27th of June 2014, they released ‘5 Seconds Of Summer’ out into the world. I was 17 years old.

At 17, I was struggling with A LOT. My grandad was very ill, my friends turned out to not be my friends, and it’s probably one of the loneliest periods I’ve ever had in my life. I’d experienced what I thought was heartbreak, and their self-titled album was everything I needed at that time in my life. I finally saw them on the 5th of June 2015. I got to spend two hours in a room with my four favourite people in the whole world. I have a video of them playing ‘Everything I Didn’t Say’, and all you can hear is me sobbing in the background lmao.

Walking out of that venue, I knew my life would never be the same.

I was pretty active on social media at this point, as were the boys, and seeing the stupid things they got up to on Keek and Twitter genuinely made my days so much brighter.

As we all know, ‘Sounds Good Feels Good’ was released on the 23rd of October 2015. I was 18, my parents had just split up, my grandad had died and I felt like the whole world was out to get me. I fell into a period of intense depression and did some things I’m not proud of, and I honestly didn’t see a way out. Then SGFG came along. That is the album that quite literally saved my life. Listening to the four people I admired most in the whole world singing lyrics about things I was going through, being the same age as me, was totally overwhelming. I don’t remember my first listen through of that album - what I do remember is the way that it changed my whole world view.

They understood exactly how I felt, down to the last detail. To this day I have to leave Broken Home and Invisible off of playlists because they jolt me back to a time in my life that I don’t ever want to experience again. That whole album was my saving grace for a long time. I’m eternally grateful to them for releasing it when they did, as I’m gonna be straight up and say that I might not have been sat here typing this today.

I went to their show for the SLFL tour on the 8th of April 2016. I spent most of that night crying my eyes out and getting weird looks from the people around me, but I didn’t care. This was my band, and they were playing the songs that literally saved me. The SGFG era was emotionally draining for me for a long time, and it took me a while to be able to listen to most of the album again as it just felt so raw.

When they took time off to rejuvenate themselves before album three, I was worried. For the last 6 years this band had been what kept me waking up each morning. The lack of content was freaking me out and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. My mental health was on its way down again and I found myself going back to old patterns.

At this point, I’d been in a relationship for almost three years, was engaged, and was living with my then SO. I thought everything was perfect, I had the life that I wanted with a man that I thought I’d be with forever.

In February 2018 they released ‘Want You Back’, and I loved it, but didn’t have the connection with it like I did with SGFG. I missed out on tickets for the 5SOS III Tour (and may have cried about it, but it’s fine), but bought tickets for the Meet You There Tour before they even released the album. This was my band, of course I was going to see them.

When ‘Youngblood’ dropped, I had a day off from work. I set my stereo system up, and lay on my living room floor with the speakers around me in a circle. I wanted to feel the new album, not just listen to it (weird, I know). Want You Back and Youngblood were fine, but then we hit Lie To Me.

‘I know that you don’t, but if I ask you if you love me, won’t you lie, lie, lie, lie, lie to me?’

I genuinely felt all of the breath I had in my lungs, vacate. I’m gonna be straight and say that I hadn’t been happy in my relationship for a while despite what I said above - my partner was emotionally abusive, and the warning signs were clear, I just didn’t want to see them. That one line haunted me every time Luke sang it, but I let it play through and moved through the rest of the album. When it finished, I let it play through again. I let those lyrics flow through me, and by the time it got round to Lie To Me again, I was sobbing. Once again, these boys knew exactly what I needed to hear, at the exact time in my life that I needed to hear it. It took me seeing them again in November of last year to make a change in my life.

If you’ve been around for a little while, you’ll know that I’ve shared my Meet You There Tour story before, but if you haven’t read it, you can find it here. I stood at the back of the O2 Academy in Birmingham, a year ago tomorrow (1st of Nov) and cried. Listening to my boys sing those songs in person absolutely broke me, and made me realise that I wasn’t happy in my relationship. I left that show heartbroken, and overwhelmed, and honestly exhausted, but I drove back home and spent the next two months trying to fix the relationship I was so unhappy in.

I thought I’d made progress, but after Christmas of last year, everything fell back into old patterns and enough was enough. Watching my ex-partner walk out of the front door was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I’d taken the plunge, but I was broken. I moved back in with my mum in January of this year, which has been incredibly stressful (that’s another story lmao), but the one thing that has kept me going is these four boys.

Ashton is always the one that I feel the most connected with - I don’t know if it’s because he’s the oldest and people usually think I’m a lot older than I am, but his life philosophy and his attitude towards the things which make him a better person, inspire me every day. Whenever I’m having a shitty day, he always seems to put out a Tweet which says exactly what I need to hear. His love for us keeps me going every day, and I strive to be even half the person that he is. He does so much for us, and I thank God every single day he biked halfway across Sydney to attend that first band practice as a four-piece.

Their music makes me feel a lot less lonely, in a world that hasn’t always been the kindest to me. Because of them, I’ve met some of the coolest people on the planet through this godforsaken website, and the existence of these people in my life makes me excited to wake up each day.

This Tweet from Ash tonight reminded me exactly why I stayed with this band way back in 2011. Their passion for their art inspires me every single day and I am constantly in awe of the way they continue to push themselves and their performance.

I am not the same person I was at the start of the year. ‘Youngblood’ has helped me reinvent myself into the person I’ve always wanted to be. I’m so much stronger than I ever thought possible, and I’ve only realised that because of four dorks from Sydney that told me it’s okay to be whoever you want to be.

I will forever be grateful for their music, their passion, and their presence on this Earth. I’ve never stuck with any artist as long as I’ve stuck with this band, and I would not change that for the world.

Thank you 5SOS, for always being there for me, even if no one else was. I love you guys.

[jlf23tumble]

Fic rec anon here, I just read through your AU recs, and I need more, holy hell!? Do you have a similar list for canon fics? What are your favourite genres? You're one of the brave souls who posts about mpreg...what other kinks do you recommend?

Yessssssssss, a chance to do part two of my prison 25, fuck yeah!!! I edited this canon rec list down, and Jesus, that’s the hardest part of it. Luckily, I can save a lot of ‘em in other categories--and I have recs in just about any category, so lemme know if anything in particular floats your boat (I tend to bookmark/save in collections like mpreg, a/b/o, omorashi, daddy, toys, panties, phone sex, dirty talk, etc., but yeah, I can hook you up with allll kinds of fic, god bless the ao3 bookmark feature). 

I’ll put the full list under the cut, in length order...in lots of cases, the author has done many, MANY more, so I’ll highlight that, too! Enjoy! (Oh, and check out the postscript at the end, too...a lot of these are older, but if you want newer, just give me your parameters/needs, and I’ve gotcha, bb)

Hello, Heaven (you are tunnel-lined with yellow lights), by objectlesson, 2.9k words (E). Or, Louis buys Harry things sometimes.  (LISSSSSSSSSSSSSTEN, read every single fic Phoenix ever wrote, jfc, she’s so good, the stories are so good, and this particular one was a gift to me, so I’m biased, but it combines a lot of my fave kinks into one. I edited most of her stories in this fandom, which means I literally can’t pick a fave, they’re my step-children, but this one is noice)

so wicked in the way he moves, by ballsdeepinjesus, 3.6k words (E). Harry and Louis are parents at football practice. (don’t be scared; no kids, just hot van sex and banter, and this author EXCELS at sex/banter, so lots of gold here)

She Feels So Good, by zedi, 4.1k words (E). Louis knows that voice. Harry’s used that voice in his ear more times than Louis can count, said such sweet, naughty things while popping a hip out and pressing up against Louis. That’s the voice that comes out when Harry’s in a skirt, nails done and gestures soft and flirty. (Jumpsuit Harry on the Late Late Show)

like poison coursing through me, by orphan_account, 4.1k words (E). The one with copious dirty talk, Daddy Louis, and Harry wetting himself in the shower. (pee kink, but honestly, give it a try...it’s about desperation, and it’s so hot)

took me by the wrist, by tomlinzn, 4.2k words (E). harry's twenty-one; louis still loves him. there's birthday sex. (Hima’s legacy, god, it’s beautiful)

Take a Chance, Just Feed Me, by yeah_alright, 4.3k words (E). Louis needs some time alone with Marcel, and he’s hoping Harry will play along. (MARCEL COSPLAY)

Fertile Ground, by Blake, 4.4k words (E). Or, Harry doesn’t know what comes first: the lies that shape his want, or his want, which shapes the lies. He only knows that there’s lies, and want. And Louis, of course. (ANOTHER GOD-TIER PERSON TO READ EVERYTHING THEY’VE EVER WRITTEN, and this one has a big ole dose of angst, but it’s so fucking goooood, so real, sob)

You Don’t Need Me to Show You the Way, by LoadedGunn, 6.5k words (E). Or, 2011 fic where Harry rides dick for the first time and Louis appreciates technology. (X Factor era, and I think this was the fic that made me create a whole technology tag, lmaoooo)

Only Thing That Can Quench My Thirst, by eyesofshinigami, 6.5k words (E). Louis wouldn't exactly call it a thing, his newfound fascination with the curly trail that starts below Harry's bellybutton and disappears into his skinny jeans. It's definitely not a thing. It's just... Alright, maybe it's a thing. (the entire reason for pubefest2020, tbh, this is such a fave fic, sigh)

domesticated, by sky_reid, 6k words (E). nothing gets harry going quite like mentioning a marriage licence. (fluffy but still hot five times story)

Agent Provocateur, by orphan_account, 7k words (E). Harry looks like he's constantly about to drop into subspace when he's talking to Louis onstage. (you can kinda guess from the title, but this is panties panties panties, plus more)

let the only sound be the overflow, by sarcasticfluentry, 7.6k words (E; needs ao3 account). Harry and Louis explore new kinks while staying in Tokyo. (another AMAZING author, check out the rest of their fics; this one’s based on a specific video--read the notes--and you’ll never see Louis, Harry, or clothespins the same way again)

little black dress (it’s all right), by istajmaal, 8k words (E). harry is a girl sometimes. louis loves her all the time. (this one’s part of an ahead-of-its-time series featuring genderfluid harry)

horizontal like a quarter to three, by orphan_account, 8k words (E). The worst part is that Louis just wants to get really rough with him. He's wanted it right from the start, and it doesn't make sense, because Harry's always been so gentle and understanding and sweet, and yet all Louis wants to do is fuck him up. (some serious kink exploration nicely done)

give you my fever, by beautlouis @thelovejandles, 10k words (E). x-factor era. harry's never had an orgasm before, louis gives him his first (it is as it says, and it is INCREDIBLY hot/well done, as is everything beautlouis has ever written, immediately finish this one and then go read everything else)

shit, i still love you (still see you in my bed), by wankerville, 10.9k words (E). it's valentine's day and harry wants to be fucked in his gold boots. (another author I adore!!! this one is as it says, and wow, so visual)

Let Me Be Good for You, by onlyhuman, 11.9k words (E). Niall's only birthday wish is to go clubbing with his boys in Vegas. Harry ruins it all by wearing that god forsaken black sheer shirt. (I love some good hair-related porn!! This one features the bun, sigh)

Autumn at My Window, by TheCellarDoor, 20.4k words (E). a lot of pining, Louis' addiction to Harry's scent, and a whole lot of sexual tension that might just snap loose when they decide to spend some time together all on their own. (this is one of those canon-compliant AUs where you’re meant to ignore A LOT, but it’s still a good lil story with a lot of pining)

Maybe I Miss You series, by 13ways, 26k words (E).  Louis is on his way back to London after the Hits Live Birmingham concert. Harry is flying to New York for the Met Gala. They connect. (a newer series that does a good job of weaving in all kinds of real emotion for an ultimately happy ending)

Nothing You Can Do (But You Can Learn How to Be You in Time), by Teumessian, 28k words (E; needs ao3 account). Louis braids Harry’s hair. There are good times, bad times, fancy houses, supportive bandmates, secret boyfriends, small rebellions, bigger revolutions, some nail varnish, ribbons, cute clothing, and a Pinterest. (THE PINTEREST FIC!!!! and another admittedly canon-compliant semi-AU...but then again, most of them are, right?? idk, idk, i just know this one’s very visual and oh so soft)

(your heartbeat) rang true inside my bones, by flimsy, 32.9k words (E). Harry goes as Louis' date for a weekend wedding. He ends up taking the role a bit too seriously. (touch o angst, but it kind of is as it says)

Drifting, Weightless, by @dinosaursmate, 41k words (E). Harry and Louis are exes with benefits until they're not, and the Mediterranean Sea might just be the perfect place to work through some unresolved issues. (this is actually a really funny one, in addition to being emotional and hot, plus I for one would take a One Direction cruise when they get back together in 15 years, sob)

the dark and the dentist, by sunshiner, 66.2k words (E). An account of the events of November 2014. (there are actually a few really big monster fics/series that cover this particular time, but I occasionally skim this one because I like the flashes of random domesticity)

To the Ends of the Earth, by stylinsoncity, 68.4k words (E). During a yearlong hiatus, Louis visits Harry at his cabin in Idaho, where long-buried feelings ignite like the fire keeping them warm. (THE IDAHO CABIN FIC!! And if you haven’t read it in a while, check out the new epilogue from earlier this year...or buy the whole thing on Amazon! Another great one that’s emotional, angsty, soft, and hot, all in one snowball)

Untangle Me, by suicxne, 100k words (E). The one where Harry and Louis finally get it right. (this is another one where you have to ignore A LOT, but it’s like reading a beautiful movie, jesus, I’m still so weak for this fic!! One of the first ones I read in this fandom, and I still randomly think of it every now and again)

Obviously, lots of old and gold here, but that’s because it’s the canon all stars, or whatever...I love a TON of newer fic for all kinds of reasons, so if you need some recs, say the word!

[ninjacat1515]

Broken

( Mia and the Ringmaster belong to @mia-salazar. Based on a rp we did) Armando Salazar barely registered what the nurse was saying as he lay on the bed recovering from two years in Hell. Birmingham had left its mark on him, in more ways than the physical. He could hear the human's voice, but his heart and mind were only on Mia. She was gone, and was never coming home from that horrific circus they had sent her to. He would never hear her voice, see her face, or hug her ever again. The Ringmaster had murdered her during a fiery performance. The deep, potent connection of a vampire parent and their child, had been severed weeks ago. Salazar felt as if half of his heart had been extinguished. The pain and emotions had been unyielding and unbearable. Mocking, gleeful human voices had filled the filthy cell he had been housed in. The employees of the asylum using Mia's death to their full advantage. One of them had even showed Armando a lock of her hair, all while wearing a twisted smirk. No falsehood there, no sick joke. A genuine lock of her hair. The drugs and magic infused chains had been the only things between the employees and a father's ultimate wrath. Salazar hadn't fed in months, and his strength was a shadow of its former self. But then so was he. When they released him from the clean, warm, and caring hospital he had been placed in when the asylum was liberated, Armando walked home. It was miles from his address, but that didn't bother him. Nothing else was on his mind but Mia. He didn't notice the pain in his feet and back as the miles racked up. His body hadn't been through this level of activity in ages; the only space he had moved in was that cell. The hospital staff had begged him to take a cab, but he had simply walked off, ignoring them. Flying was out of the question, as his wings were still healing. But none of that mattered. The aches and discomfort were nothing compared to how he felt inside. Armando reached the street his home resided on. A light rain had fallen, bringing a fresh scent with it. Nothing had outwardly been altered. Gardens and welcoming houses, families enjoying their evenings. Laughing and telling tales. When he got to his front step, the door was ajar. No anger or suspicion filled him. It had been two years after all, his home was bound to have been rifled through without anyone to watch it. Sure enough, many things had been taken. But not everything. Mia's old room had remained untouched. Salazar stood in the doorway, trying to breathe in any lingering scents. It was vague at best, a dusty memory of what had been. He sat on the edge of her bed, looking at the posters, the pictures, and stuffed animals. He held a husky dog toy in his hands, staring blankly down at it. Mia had always wanted a dog like that... For hours he sat and stared, mind drifting in and out. He would need to gather himself and begin rebuilding his life. Could he even return to his old job at the Maritime Museum? Did he actually want to? Or should he return to Spain and spend some time with his family? He needed to make so many calls. So many things to be done. "Oh my Dios...PAPA??! YOU'RE ALIVE??!" Like a zombie, Armando lifted his head to stare at the speaker. The frantic yet immensely relieved voice startled him. He had to be seeing things, his grieving mind was playing gruesome tricks. Mia was dead and gone. But the sobbing girl, his daughter, his Mia, was throwing herself into his arms. "I THOUGHT YOU HAD DIED! DIOS RINGMASTER TOLD ME...FELT THE CONNECTION SEVER..." Armando's mind was jolted. This was reality! This was really happening! Mia was here! He roared as his heart was overwhelmed, and embraced her as tightly as she hugged him. "ME DEAD??! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE, MIA! MY DARLING YOU'RE HOME...DIOS WE'RE BOTH HOME!" They danced and laughed for sheer joy and triumph of life. Both sobbed hysterically, the floodgate having been opened. But they let it all out. Whatever spell had been cast to break the connection, whatever cruelty the humans had concocted, was utterly defeated in this very moment. They had eachother once more.

[rabidwrestlingfan]

WrestlingNoob Ask Box Story: Pete Dunne

The tears spilled over without warning, ruining the makeup she worked so hard on. "So this is it?" Her voice wavered as she spoke. The Birmingham native nodded with a roll of his eyes. He seemed so unbothered by the fact that she was breaking in front of him. "I.. I gave everything up for you. I lost friends because of you. Why?" She asked after seconds of silence. "I never asked ya too, sweetheart. You should have known what you were getting into." Pete said like it was the simplest thing ever.

"I expected this a month or two in! Not a year! Do you even care?!" Her voice had risen considerably. He shrugged nonchalantly before speaking. "Just 'cause you're a good lay doesn't mean I plan on forever, love. Guys like me don't fall in love forever." She was shocked at the words. She had always figured he'd say the L word when he was comfortable, not that it meant he didn't care about her. The more she thought about it the more she realised how long this had been coming.

Even Trent had given her a hushed warning that she didn't know what she was getting into in the very beginning. Before she betrayed her two best friends just to show him she meant what she said. "It was a trick all along." She finally realised. She had been a puppet for him to use until he got tired of it. "You played the part so well. The honorable pet that was always good for a distraction... in and out of the ring." He answered. The air rushed from her lungs. This couldn't be real.

"Even after everyone warned you about the big bad wolf you didn't realise? More dense then I thought." His words only added to the pain she already felt. How had she let it go this far? How had she even let this happen? "It never struck you as weird that I never once called you my girl? You've always been a piece of the puzzle. Even that first night at that hotel." The night he had 'saved' her from some flirty drunks. Her eyes closed unwillingly, wishing she was anywhere but where she was.

She could hear him moving about the apartment, but she didn't dare open her eyes. He had never cared. "How could you even do this?" The thought alone was making her sick, yet he was obviously just fine. "It's quite simple. Don't get attached and everything works to plan. You thought you were so special. You thought you were the girl who was gonna change me instead of just another girl. You did this to yourself." He answered with a chuckle. It sounded so evil paired with the words he had spoken.

Finally she opened her eyes to look into his. She had never seen his eyes look so cold towards her. "But... you TOLD me I was different. You told me you never had the same girl over two times. You never let a girl keep stuff here." She said quickly, hands flailing about. She still wanted to believe this was a nightmare that he'd wake her up from any minute. "Do you believe everything you hear, love? Or am I just that good of a liar?" He asked with a sinister sneer.

A small cry ripped from her throat, making him chuckle. "What's wrong? Can't handle the truth of this situation? Is that why you're still grasping at straws? God, you're pathetic. I figured you'd run as soon as I told you. Didn't expect the water works. Is it supposed to convince me to stay?" He was pacing in front of her now. He looked like a caged animal. Pete would never physically hurt her, would he? "I wish I never loved you, Pete Dunne." She said as level as she could manage.

He stopped in his tracks and let out a laugh. It made her skin crawl. "Ouch love, that really hurts." He said sarcastically. She took a deep breath before she nodded. This was it. "I hope every single time you get shitfaced you see me in your dreams. I hope you always here my voice. I hope I find someone who makes me happy and you see what you gave up. I hope I make you hurt like I do right now until you die." She noticed her old duffel bag by the door and grabbed it, literally running away.

1. The woman ran into someone with a sobbed sorry before continuing her escape. The Wolverhampton native sighed heavily before heading up to his friend's flat. Trent stood in the doorway simply watching Pete's pacing form. The younger man suddenly turned around with a sneer. "What'd you do?" Trent finally asked. It was clear that he had chased her off. "Told her it was all a game and that I used her to further my career." Pete answered lowly.

2. "Christ, Peter! You finally find a girl that cares about you and you pull this? I know you lov-" A plastic cup came flying towards him before he could finish. "Shut up! This way she gets her friends back and doesn't ruin herself. Girls like her don't belong with guys like me. No matter how much we... care about them." Trent knew any further arguments would likely lead to a physical fight. Pete had loved her whether he admitted it or not, and everyone but her knew it. And now she was gone.

It was two weeks later that he seen her backstage at a Progress show. She looked like hell. Her eyes were dead, hair looked flat, and she looked pale. "He did it to himself." He heard Tyler hiss to Trent. He wanted to lash out at the younger man but couldn't rip his eyes off of her. She was wearing more makeup than she normally did. He couldn't help but wonder why. Had she been eating right? Was she sleeping? Had the nightmares picked up again? Millions of questions whirled through his mind.

He could see a part of her crack when their eyes met. It felt like someone had punched him in the gut. "Tell me I did the right thing letting her go." He said quickly and quietly to his companions. He was everything she shouldn't want. Everything the love of her life shouldn't be. "You're a sodding idiot, Dunne." Tyler said honestly. She had clicked with him easily. "Told you how I felt that night." Trent said with a sigh. Of course neither of them could see what he did. "I did the right thing."

It was that statement that sent Tyler off. "Really?! You sulking around biting everyone's head off for two weeks is the right thing? Look. At. Her." He growled quietly, forcefully turning Pete's head to look towards her. "Does THAT look like the right thing? You threw her away like she was nothing! You are so emotionally stunted that you couldn't even tell the poor girl you loved her. You did this. Either live with it or go TRY to fix it." Pete pushed him back with a snarl. "Get off me, Bate."

Trent stepped between the two before things could get too bad. "If you want her, then go tell her." Pete said with a roll of his eyes. Tyler laughed humorlessly at the thought. "You are out of your mind. I never have wanted her, and I never will. She's like my sister and I'm the one who wakes up to her crying! I didn't say anything because I hoped you'd open your eyes, but of course that's too much to ask! She's been staying with me so she doesn't have to be alone. She's fucking miserable."

Pete froze upon hearing the words. She'd been staying with Tyler since then? And he let her? "Why?" Was all he asked. "Why what? You know what, nevermind that question. There's a ninety percent chance the answer is that I'm a decent human being. You broke her, Pete. She didn't want to be alone and I was worried. I knew the nightmares would come back and that she probably wouldn't take care of herself. I get to sleep on my couch in twenty minute intervals between nightmares. Because of you."

Pete knew he was breathing incredibly hard despite seeming no more pissed off than usual. On the inside he was screaming. He was mad, heartbroken, and shocked all at once. Tyler was obviously rubbing salt in the wounds and it both hurt and angered him. On the other hand he knew the Dudley man was right. She wouldn't have taken care of herself if she were alone. "Pete?" Trent asked, still between the two. The man looked like his brain had short circuited and it left him perfectly still.

"Peppermint tea, two sugars, and just a little bit of milk. She'll be out like a light. Play with her hair for a few minutes after she passes out. Put a pillow against her back and you won't have to lay with her." Was all Pete said. The two quickly realised it was ways to help her with nightmares. He still hadn't moved from the spot, eyes glued to the floor. "Don't do this. Don't make you both miserable because you don't know what to do. She loves you. You love her. Make it right." Tyler stated.

"Can't. You didn't hear the things I said. She's better off far away. This'll pass soon, and she'll be with someone who loves her right. Just not me." He mumbled. Tyler literally groaned in frustration. "You're such an idiot. Such a fucking idiot!" He exclaimed. Even Trent groaned in frustration. "If you care about her like you say, you'll drop this." Pete said simply. He was doing this for her. He had never deserved her. Never deserved everything she'd done for him. "Let me let her go. Please."

"And what about caring about you? You aren't faring much better. I can tell you've been sleeping worse than normal. You're four times more unbearable. How are you the only one that doesn't see what's happening?" It was Trent that spoke this time. Pete looked at him out of the corner of his eye. "What's happening is you guys trying to fix something that's shattered. It's impossible to fix what I did to her. Besides, this way there's a chance for her to redeem herself from being associated with me

"If you're talking about the girls, then they've already talked that one out. Three hours of sobbing, hugging, and ice cream before I made a run for it a few days ago. They want her happy. They know you made her happy." Tyler said with a loud sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was like it physically pained him. "Name one other woman that you've ever learned about like you did her. You literally just gave Tyler tips to help her with her nightmares." Trent added like an ashamed father.

Pete's eyes went over to where she had been standing earlier. "Bug off. Both of you." He said simply before walking off. Tyler had went to follow him before Trent stopped him. "Let him go and hope he reaches a realization of how things are." He said lowly. Pete's eyes stayed on the ground as he walked towards the exit. They were wrong. They had to be. There was no reality where his relationship with her ever worked out. He took a deep breath of fresh air before the door opened behind him.

Pete's eyes snapped over figuring that they had followed him out. "I told you not to-" Then he seen her. She had frozen in the doorway upon hearing his voice. "Sorry. Didn't know you were here." She said before storming past him to her car. He wanted to run after her. Wanted to scream how much he fucked up. Wanted to do anything but stand there like an idiot, which is what he was doing. He watched her ripping through the car. She was obviously looking for something. She was always losing things.

Their eyes met briefly when she looked over before she quickly looked away. His chest constricted once more. She looked so sad. He'd never meant to hurt her like this. He just wanted her with someone who made her happy. Not someone who didn't know how to care for her. She wanted things that he just couldn't give her. "I'm sorry." Pete breathed. She'd never hear him but at least he said it. She'd never know just how sorry he really was. She closed her car door with a resigned sigh.

"Do you have any extra tape? Mine is nowhere to be found, and you guys are the only ones here already." She asked after a few moments of obvious hesitation. Pete watched her for a few seconds, weighing his options. In reality he knew exactly where her tape was. It was on his coffee table. Exactly where she left it when she was in a rush to change so they could go out after a show three weeks ago. Finally he nodded silently before leading her back into the building.

He heard her mutter a quiet thanks before following him. He considered locking her in a closet somewhere that no one would find her until the end of the show. He didn't want her competing tonight. From what Tyler had said she really shouldn't be. She'd be tired, and possibly weakened from not eating right. A prime choice for an injury to attack. Suddenly he shook his head minutely. It wasn't his place to worry about her anymore. If she thought she could handle a match then he couldn't stop her.

"Who are you up against?" Pete asked before he could stop himself. She hesitated before answering. "Jinny." He stopped, turning to look at her quickly. "You're not fighting Jinny tonight. Absolutely not." He told her seriously. She couldn't help but laugh at him. "Excuse me? In what world do you have any say whatsoever in what I do? YOU gave up that right two weeks ago. I need a paycheck therefore I'm in a match. It's simple." He shook his head, fist clenching. "How much do you need?" He asked.

She was so shocked that she couldn't even speak for a few seconds. "Excuse me?" She finally asked. "How much money do you need to not fight tonight?" He reiterated. Without a moment of hesitation she had slapped him. "Fuck you, Pete Dunne!" She yelled before storming past him. He went after her moments later. "You really think you can do this? She'll have no qualms about taking you out." He called after her, still following her. "Not. Your. Problem." She told him angrily.

He gripped her arm tightly, tugging her back. "Has Jim even seen you in person since this match was made? Because I know he won't stand for this. I'm surprised Tyler and Trent even let you come here. The nightmares are bad, and you physically look terrible. Jinny'll kill you if you go out there." He told her, voice betraying him by cracking at the end. Her eyes were watering when he looked at her. "You did this to yourself, Pete. Don't pretend to care now. Please." She whispered quietly.

"You're the one who told me I was just a pawn. You ruined us. You used me. I would have walked through broken glass to make you happy. And... it scares me how useless I feel. It scares me that I feel this numb without you. I don't even feel human." She told him, tears spilling over finally. He brushed them away without even realising it. "I'm sorry. Even if you think I'm lying." For unknown reasons he leaned sown and kissed her, all the emotions brewing inside him came out.

She kissed him back for moments before pushing him away. She slapped him once more with a growl. "You DO NOT get to do that. A kiss isn't going to change anything. You probably aren't sorry, either. The truth is that I don't know what to believe when it comes to the shit you do. I have everyone in my ear telling me that you didn't lie until you broke up with me and that you love me. Everyone except you. And even if that's true then I'm even more scared. You made it sound so natural and easy."

He didn't even flinch when she slapped him. He knew he deserved it. "Don't have the match tonight and you won't ever have to talk to me again. I can't deal with you getting hurt because I'm being a twat. I just offered to pay you not to go out there so don't think I'm lying. One day you'll thank me for what I did, even if you don't see it now. Right now you're hurt emotionally and that's no condition to wrestle in. Go find one of them and call it off. If not for you then for Tyler and Trent."

She scoffed as she looked at the ceiling. "See, this is another problem with you! You never want to seem like you're actually caring about someone. You're so worried someone will notice what an amazing person you are that you act like you feel absolutely nothing. It's bullshit! I've seen the real Pete Dunne. The Pete that actually likes to cuddle, that makes sure everyone he cares about are taken care of, even the Pete that sings in the car." He played with the cuff of his jacket as she spoke.

Her eyes went back to him when she seen the action. She was making him nervous? "Just... forget the tape." She told him before walking off. She didn't know why, but the absence of him chasing her hurt. Maybe he really didn't care. "He's right about the match, you know. It's a bad idea to go out there like this." That was a voice that she would know anywhere. "Do you always eavesdrop on our conversations, or is this subject that special? Not a very gentlemanly thing to do anyways, Trent."

The older man couldn't help but chuckle. "On the contrary, I'm doing it for the most gentlemanly reason. I care about you. I care that he hurt you, and I care that he can't see the bigger picture. You're both like family to me. You should know by now that nobody hurts my family. Even if the only thing hurting them is each other. I'd beat the hell out of Pete if I thought it'd help. Which also means that I can't let Jinny hurt you. That puts me in a rough spot. I mean, what am I supposed to do?"

"Remember that I'm sensible and can make my own decisions?" She asked before crossing her arms. Now all three members of British Strong Style had asked her to drop her match. Even if she didn't feel a hundred percent, what would everyone think? She'd look like a crybaby who couldn't step up to the plate. "I know you're normally sensible with your decisions. I also know that you aren't like you are normally right now. You just want to prove a point. You want to prove that you don't need him."

Anger instantly flooded through her. How could he assume that? "Are you fucking serious right now, Trent?! You really think that I'm doing this because of anything having to do with Pete? Really?" She asked. If it was anyone else she would have hit them. "I'm not going to fight with you, sweetheart. I just don't want you doing anything silly, and girls do silly things to show boys they're better. I know it probably feels like everyone's attacking you right now, but it's because we care."

"Of all people, you're the one I thought would understand." She told him lowly. Her anger was turning into hurt. "Just because I understand doesn't mean that I agree. At the very least, and for a piece of mind, let Tyler or I be ringside. I won't do anything to jeopardize the match, but if something happens I want to be there." She could see the worry shining in his eyes. Was it really that bad? "Why don't any of you believe in me? Shit happens all the time, and the nightmares are nothing new."

He cupped her face with a sad smile. "I'll ALWAYS believe in you. I have all the faith in the world that you can do it. That being said I'm also the one who went to the gym with you earlier. You're reaction times are... bad. You also seem focused on all the wrong things. Your whole career is ahead of you, and I'd hate to see it end now. That being said you should drop the match or make things right with Pete. I know both sound less pleasant than getting a thousand paper cuts. Pick your poison."

She heavily sighed before nodding. "So I have maybe two hours to either drop a match that I need or miraculously fix things with a guy that broke me in an hour. Cool. Great." She said sarcastically. Trent chuckled softly. "You always love challenges. Think of it like that. The whole reason you're here is because of tape, right? Let's go get you that tape while you decide what you're going to do." He told her, leading her away. Little did she know that the grand plan was officially in motion.

Pete was still by the back entrance when Tyler found him. "Have you seen your soulmate anywhere? She texted me that she needed tape." He said before holding up his tape. "You must of missed her somewhere. She ran off a few minutes ago..." Pete answered roughly. He completely left out the part where he offered her money and then kissed her. "Shit. Alright. You gonna creep here or come to the locker room? You look like a serial killer waiting for his next victim. It's really offsetting."

Pete shrugged before walking past him towards the locker room. His head was everywhere. He found it funny that he had lectured her for not focusing when he wasn't much better. The younger man couldn't help but smile. Trent was shutting the door when they rounded the corner. Pete didn't think anything about the nod that was exchanged between his friends until he was being shoved through said door. "Fix it!" Trent exclaimed before jamming the doorknob. Pete's eyes met hers immediately afterwards.

She was up in a flash. "This isn't funny! Let me out right now." She seethed, banging on the door. She heard a laugh that was obviously Tyler. "I'm afraid I can't do that. He loves you even though you're kinda crazy, and you love him even if he's a twat most of the time. As a good friend of you both it's my job to make you make up. Sadly you're both imbeciles and it had to come to this." The younger man said. His smile could be heard. "Looks like I'm dying in a locker room." She mumbled angrily.

Pete rolled his eyes as he listened to his friend. Why couldn't anyone mind their own business? He motioned for her to move before harshly kicking the door. "I'll tear this whole place apart. I'll set your fucking gear on fire. Open the door. Now." He kicked the door once more to prove a point. He wouldn't cause any real damage to the venue, but he would cause damage to the personal belongings in the room. They were causing her more pain than necessary. He had done this to protect her.

"You see, I've already thought about that. Which is why I had Tyler take anything of value to us out before we trapped you two. Grabbed a few decoy bags just in case this happened." Trent's voice filtered through the door. "I'll give up the match right now.. just let me out." She said softly. He instantly wished he wouldn't have looked at her. The heartbreak was evident in her eyes. It was different earlier, she was in a wide open space that she could easily run from him in. Now she was trapped.

Pete shook his head stubbornly. "You're gonna be in that match, you're gonna beat Jinny to a pulp, and you're gonna show any doubters why you deserve to be here." He said confidently. Her eyes widened upon hearing his words. What had changed his mind? "I love ya. I know I didn't say it when I should have, but I'm saying it now. In fact that's why I said all that shit that night. I've never wanted anything but for you to be happy. Ever. I can't give you a future you want, and it kills me."

Her breath caught in her throat. She never expected for Pete to actually open up. "What?" Was all she could say. He took the few steps to her and laid his forehead against hers. "I never deserved for you to look at me twice. You're like the light to my dark. I was so scared when I realised I loved you. It's always been random girls that meant nothing. Then there you were soaking wet from the rain looking like an angel. I heard you talking about marriage with your mom, and I knew I had to go."

Almost instinctively he briefly pressed his lips to hers to stop her from talking. If these were truly their last moments he wanted to enjoy them. "You deserve someone who can give you that fairytale you've always wanted. I am definitely not that someone. Watching you crumble in front of me was the hardest thing I've ever done. It made me sick. Seeing you today made my chest hurt. You look so... robotic. You're not glowing and smiley like ya normally are. All because I let it go on this long."

"Pete..." She started only to choke back a sob. He closed his eyes before he continued. "I was selfish. I actually got you and I didn't want to let you go no matter how much it'd hurt in the long run. Then I started asking you to do things that would make it easy for you hate me, like turning on the girls. Except you did them all and stayed. I watched you sleep for the longest time that morning because I knew it was the last time I'd see you so utterly peaceful. You gotta move on, love. Please."

He flinched when he felt her hand run across his cheek. "Show the world that you're more than the British Strong Style poster girl. Show them who you were before I poisoned you. Find someone who worships the ground you walk on and makes you laugh. Letting you go was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I had to do it. Never thought a woman would affect me like this. My heart went with you when you ran away that night." His words had gotten increasingly quieter until they were whispers.

"How are you going to tell me all of this and expect me to just walk away? You're being selfish, Peter." She told him as steadily as she could. This was the last thing she had ever expected. "I'm always selfish, love. Being with you was selfish. Feeling this way is selfish. Wanting you to be happy is the most selfless thing I've done. You won't be happy with me in the long run." He pressed his lips to hers once more. He couldn't help it. Before it could go too far he stepped back. "Be happy."

She violently scrubbed the back of her hand under her eyes, trying to get rid of the tears. "What if I was happy with you? I've felt like a shell for two weeks. Yet all I could think about when I seen you earlier was if you were sleeping right. You look tired. Nevermind the mental hell I'm in, I just cared that you were alright. I begged Tyler to tell me why I wasn't good enough for you that night because that's all I wanted. To be good enough and wanted by Pete Dunne. Why can't we be happy?"

He took a deep breath before shaking his head. Breaking her heart the second time was going to be just as painful as the first. "You're too good for Pete Dunne. I'll drag you down and suffocate your career. I'll start petty fights because me not deserving you will always be in the back of my head. I couldn't even tell you I loved you until today. You're gonna be just fine without me, no matter where you are. And when you find someone who makes you truly happy you'll forger all about me, love."

"Why don't you love me like I love you? Why are you stopping yourself? I literally hit my best friends with a bat just so you knew I'd do anything for you. You let me keep eating meat even though you're so against it. Tell me what I can do to make you see that I mean this. Love me like you obviously want to. I don't care what anyone else says about us as long as I'm happy. I was happy with you. So if you want me happy then let me be the happiest I've ever been again." She sobbed to him.

His breath caught when he heard her words. What was stopping him? He knew she wouldn't just up and leave him. He knew she was honest with her words. "Old habits die hard." He finally settled on telling her. He was afraid he'd get too petty and do something incredibly stupid that would make her hate him. "What's going on in that head of yours?" She asked him as softly as she could manage. Her voice was hoarse from all the crying she'd been doing since they'd been locked in. "You can tell me."

He simply shrugged, eyes avoiding hers. "Pete..." She stopped talking as quickly as she started. In the year that they had been dating she had only seen him like this a handful of times. All of them involving the future. "You're scared." She realised with a frown. "Everyone has flaws, babe. Whatever you're scared of I can help you with, if you let me. I won't judge you. I won't up and leave. It's alright." She told him as she neared him. He couldn't look at her even when she grabbed his hand,

"You helped me cope with horrendous nightmares I've had since I was a teenager. You reminded me to eat when I really didn't want to. Whatever you're scared of... I'm willing to help. You deserve to be loved without fear. Even if I'm not the one you love." She whispered. He chuckled darkly at the words. If only she knew. "It's nothing you should worry yourself with. It's fine." Suddenly he was gone and by the door. "There. Thing's are worked out. Let her go get ready." He loudly stated.

She didn't know what she expected, but silence definitely wasn't it. "Did they leave us in here?" She asked after he knocked without answer. "To be fair they probably thought this would go differently." He mused with a sigh. Her head rested against the wall with a huff. "One of us could be dead and they'd be none the wiser. Great friends we have there." She joked. He chuckled before grabbing his phone. Even from the distance she could tell what was on his lock screen. "You never changed it."

The picture was a fairly recent one that Trent had caught after a long weekend. The two were on the couch fast asleep, Pete's arms wrapped tightly around her to prevent her from rolling off. She could see him stiffen up before sticking his phone back in his pocket. "Pete, I didn't m-" She was interrupted with a look before he spoke. "I wanted to remember what I lost and why I did it." He told her quickly. She held up her phone before he could look away. "I just couldn't bring myself to do it."

He remembered the play argument they had about how cheesy matching pictures were. But she was so excited about the thought that he knew he couldn't say no. "It's my favorite picture of us." She said quietly. He knew it was. She told him constantly. "I'm sorry." Pete said once more without thinking about it. "Yet you won't even try to make this work out." She replied without thinking. His eyes shot to hers quickly. "Because it's been doomed from the start. I'm saving you so much heartbreak."

She stomped her foot like a dramatic teenager. "Who are you to decide that for me? In a year our biggest fight was about the possibility of me being hurt during your matches. That doesn't scream doom and misery to me. In fact it seems really healthy." All at once she realised what his fear was. She was blind for so long. She started talking before he could. "Except your afraid that you'll do something drastic to prove a point. You always have hated being wrong, but I don't see it happening."

"There was a girl at the bar a few weeks ago. Drop dead gorgeous all the way around. If not for Trent I would have got with her." He stopped to take a deep breath. "Not the thought of you finding out, or feeling guilty knowing you were at your place waiting for me to call. Trent physically stopped me from approaching her because he wouldn't let me be that much of an asshole. Do you know why I was there?" She shook her head, eyes on the floor. "Because we were fighting about Travis Banks."

"The night you thought he was hitting on me." She recalled sadly. She had in fact been at her apartment staring endlessly at her phone and eating ice cream. "A part of me wanted him to tell you, because I wanted you to feel how I felt. Like you could lose me. When I told him that he slapped me and took me home. You need someone who doesn't want to sleep with people to hurt you." He told her weakily. Her eyes filled with tears once more. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"But it was only once! You were mad, and drunk, and-" She was cut off by him holding up a hand. "And I can easily do it again. Is that really what you should have to worry about every night I go out? If I'm sleeping with the first pretty girl I see? Because, even to me, that sounds wrong. I didn't want to break your heart." His eyes never left the ground as he spoke. "You can change, Pete. I know that you can. That was obviously the first time you've done that since Trent DIDN'T tell me."

"Love, stop. Stop trying to make excuses for my stupid ass, and start finding someone better. Some things just aren't meant to happen or be fixed. Maybe this is one of them." The tears fell as she slid down the wall slowly. "I don't want to lose you, Pete. We all have flaws and we all fuck up. Please. Just give me a chance to make you happy. Please." She begged brokenly. He crawled over to her and pulled her into his arms against his better judgement. "Don't cry because of me. I'm not worth it."

The feeling of his arms wrapped around her was something that she had missed. "Then stop pushing me away! You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else. I want to be the reason you see relationships are worth it. I want to wake up to your face pressed against the back of my neck every day again. I just want to be yours." Her chest was heaving at this point. He had to stop tears from coming to his own eyes. How had he let this happen? How had he hurt her so bad? "I know, gorgeous. I know."

"Then why won't you let me be happy?" She asked weakly. Pete cleared his throat before he chanced a look at her. He could see half of her tear covered face. Just like that night, he felt his heart break. "I don't want to break you beyond repair. I'm no good." He whispered into her hair. He'd never admit to feeling like he did in that moment. So utterly useless and heartbroken. "You won't. I promise that you won't." She cried into his chest. He tightened his grip on her, not trusting his voice,

She tried unsuccessfully to stop the tears. "Pete Dunne, I love you. I love you like I never have anyone else. Tyler hasn't been able to so much as step outside without me asking if he seen you. I didn't care what was happening to me as long as you were alright. I want you to be alright." He pressed a few kisses to her head before shaking his own. "I'm not, beautiful. Especially after seeing you like this. I love you. I love you. I love you. That's why I made you go. I had to. I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry that I made you feel like you had to let me go." She sat up to place her forehead against his, staring into his eyes. He looked so broken. "We can do this. We don't have to hurt. We'll work on your problems and mine. Please, Pete. We'll be stronger than ever. I promise that we can do this." She cupped his face, thumbs rubbing his cheeks softly. She could see the tears in his eyes. "I love you." She breathed. "I love you more than you know." He answered, surging forward to kiss her.

Once air became a necessity they broke apart. "You think you can forgive me?" Pete asked softly. She kissed his cheeks with a smile. "Unbreak my heart, Pete Dunne. Scare all of my demons away and I'll do my best to make yours leave. I'll low blow any guy who even looks at me wrong. I'm yours and I always have been." She told him honestly, maintaining eye contact the whole time. He pecked her lips with a hint of a smile. "I promise to do my best to treat you right." Suddenly the door flew open.

A smirk appeared on Pete's lips before she heard a clatter. "Jesus, you two!" Tyler exclaimed. She looked behind her with a questioning gaze. Tyler seemed to be standing against the open door in the hallway. "You realise you share this locker room, right? And we told you we'd open the door eventually?" The younger man asked hurriedly. Suddenly she realised what it had looked like to him. Her face went red before she scrambled off of Pete's lap. "Tyler, you'd know if that's what we were doing.""

A slap echoed when she hit Pete's chest. "Peter! Behave!" She hissed. "You would've heard her d-" Suddenly his mouth was covered by her hand. "He was actually being sweet and gentlemanly. I was crying so he was holding me." She told Tyler honestly. "I feel like I shouldn't ask." Trent said before stepping into the room, Tyler behind him. "So the crazies are back together, yeah? Because when we left it sounded rocky." The hopeful look on Tyler's face made her smile. "You can have your bed back."

Tyler was basically jumping for joy, and she swore that she heard Trent mutter a hallelujah. Pete grabbed her hand with a smirk. "Pete Dunne has his good luck charm back." She joked with a laugh. "I never knew I lost Trent and Tyler." The Birmingham native answered. She slapped his chest once more. "You're such an asshole!" She dramatically stood up. "But you love me." He told her before standing up as well. "So are you still having your match? Or are you gonna drop it anyways?" Trent asked.

She bit her lip nervously. In all honesty she didn't even think she was a hundred percent, but a possible win against Jinny could turn some heads. Before she could even think it all through Pete spoke. "She's taking the match, and we're all gonna be out there to support her." Her eyes widened at his words. "You are?" She asked quietly. He kissed her temple. "We won't interfere unless you ask. Even if you lose. Think of it as us just getting a front row seat to you kicking Jinny's teeth in."

She smiled before looking at the three men. "I'll be honest, I know I'm not at a hundred. In fact if i'm lucky I'm at seventy, but that's not the point. I know that I can do amazing things with my favorite guys out there. Just don't interfere no matter what. I want everyone to know that being Pete Dunne's girl doesn't mean I can't win fair." They all nodded in understanding. "You can do this, sweetheart. We believe in you," Trent said confidently. Pete scoffed. "You could beat her one handed."

She couldn't help but laugh. "Thanks for the words of encouragement!" She laughed. A look at her phone made her gasp. "Oh shit! I gotta get ready!" She yelled. Before she could run away, Pete's arms were around her. "Tape." He whispered in her ear. Tyler took the tape out of his pocket with a laugh. "Got ya covered." She grabbed it with a smile. "Thanks, Tyler. Now I gotta go change" She said with a laugh. "Can I watch?" Pete asked with a smirk. She slapped his chest roughly. "Peter!"

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Roguish Women Part 26

Summary: Kate Rosseau is an American who fled to Paris to escape her past life. Now she's dancing and playing the part of a courtesan at the Moulin Rouge. There she meets Tommy Shelby who thinks she can be useful in expanding his empire. But has he been blinded?

Part 26: Tommy won’t give up, so neither does Kate.

Warning for abuse

            It was stifling to have dirt in his throat again even with the cloth over his mouth he could feel the grime coating his lungs. The tight spot of the tunnel was hellish and made every nerve in Tommy’s body scream in panic. There wasn’t any time to decide whether it was just another opium-induced dream. He just had to keep digging.

            It happened in a split second. One moment everything was fine at the opening of Grace’s orphanage, then Ada asked where Karl was. The innocent question turned to panic when no one could seem to find the little boy. Then, a harrowing scream came from outside.

            “Mum!” Karl’s panicked cry was unmistakable.

            They had taken Tommy’s nephew. Now he was a puppet to them, forced to do what they said. There was no way Ada was losing her son, not after everything she’d suffered. And certainly not by Tommy’s fault. So, he drove to the tunnel being dug to the Russian’s vault.

            Midnight. They had to get it by midnight.

            All his muscles ached as he worked in the cramped, dank, tunnel. He was caked in mud but there was no time to wipe it from his face. No time to rest. No time to breathe.

 ~~~~~~~~~

            There was a knock at the door and Kate descended down the stairs to answer it. Santo was working so she had the flat to herself. Yet she wasn’t ready to open the door to a familiar face. Her jaw dropped.

            “You happy to see me or what?” The man gave her a signature lopsided smile.

            “Frankie…” She whispered. “What on Earth?” Trying to shake off her shock, she herded him into the apartment so no one would notice him standing there. “Are you fucking crazy?” She hissed as she shut the door. “You could be killed for coming around here!

            Frank Wallace was the no-nonsense leader of the Gustin Gang. About ten years older than her, he was a strong ally to Kate. Along with his brother, Steve, Frank ran South Boston with an iron fist. Only the strongest men, like Santo, ever tested his power.

            “Few of my boys are causing a bit of ruckus to tie up Santo’s men. They won’t ever catch me here.” He smiled confidently.

            Still, Kate was sick to her stomach to know he was there. “Why are you here? How did you even know where to find me I haven’t seen you-”

            “Since that fucker chased you out of the city.” Frank looked a bit disgusted that he was standing in Santo’s foyer. He appeared to have the same distaste for the décor, even if he didn’t have a good reason to hate it.

            “So, how’d you know I was back?”

            “Got a telegram from a Mr. Thomas Shelby, in London. Can you fucking believe that?” He grinned like a kid on Christmas day. “Bit more international than I thought, huh?”

            “Tommy sent you?” She whispered in shock. Sending Patrick was one thing, but contacting another gang leader?

            “Yeah, said something about forming an alliance. Said you’d know something about it. Maybe not, I dunno.” He shrugged.

            Kate’s throat started to constrict. Patrick hadn’t done anything to convince Tommy to stay in Birmingham where he belonged. “Frank, you need to get out of here now. He’s got eyes everywhere if he finds out you’ve been here…” She warned and pushed him to the door.

            “Santo? Katie, he don’t have anything over you!” He urged. “This fucking debt, s’bullshit! He wants the money you owe, I’ll give you the fucking money. Would’ve given it to you years ago if you’d just asked.”

            “It’s not about the money anymore.” The more Tommy pushed, even from afar, the more anxious she became. Tears welled in her eyes when she realized things were coming down to the wire. She needed to intervene before he did something stupid. “He’s threatening the man I love. He’s threatening the family who took care of me when I needed help the most. If I don’t do this then he’ll kill me.”

            Frank looked a little taken aback. He’d never seen Kate cry and never before had she admitted any personal feelings no matter how close they were. “Jesus, our Katie’s in love. Thought I’d never see the day.”

            She laughed weakly and wiped her eyes. “It’s complicated, and I don’t need you involved either. You’re just another person for Santo to threaten.”

            “Sweetheart, that fucker’s been threatening me for years. If he wants to bring this to blows, then he can come down and visit me. Now I’ve been offered an alliance with British people, that’s something to be pretty fucking pleased about. So, I’m gonna obliged this Mr. Shelby.”

            “And do what?” She asked.

            “To come and see you. Then wait for another telegram. I sent him an agreement; we’ll see if he’s onboard.”

            There was nothing she could say to stop Frank from taking advantage of a tempting business offer. Kate felt that the least she could do was get him out of enemy territory. “Then go wait for your telegram. But call me next time, don’t show up like you’re looking for a death wish.” She snapped and hurried him to the door. The longer he stood there, the more anxious she got.

            “Alright, alright!” He shooed off her concern. “I’ll call you next time, jeez.” He muttered and flashed her a smile before heading on his way.

            Kate looked across the street and noticed Patrick was sitting on the front stoop of the apartment they’d been housed in. He gave her a subtle nod.

            Frustrated with Tommy’s persistence, she shut the door and headed to the phone. On her way, she checked the time on the grandfather clock in the parlor. It was eleven in the morning that meant it wouldn’t be too late.

~~~~~~~~~ 

            Tommy held the telegram from Frank Wallace in his hand as he went downstairs to dinner. Ada and Karl were staying with him for a bit. After the harrowing kidnapping, they all needed a breather. Ada wanted to get out of the city, Karl wanted to play football on his uncle’s large lawns, and Tommy wanted to keep them close.

            Even though the threat of Father Hughes and the Russians was neutralized, he was still paranoid. He was starting to understand the kind of things that happened behind doors and in shadowy alleys. The type of men who were in power and what they could do.

            Mary intercepted Tommy at the foot of the stairs. “There’s a telephone call for you, Mr. Shelby.”

            “Where from?”

            “Boston.”

            Tommy frowned. He had only just spoken to Patrick over the phone. There was no reason for him to be calling again when he knew the plan that was in place. Unless something happened. Fear gripped him as he went to the telephone in his study to pick up the call.

            “Patrick?”

            “It’s not Patrick.”

            He didn’t know how hard it would be to hear her voice. The message through the telegram from Patrick was enough to make him weak. But hearing her voice, after so many months apart, it was like an ax being driven through his heart.

            “Kate…”

            “I need you to listen to me.”

            It was like his words were delayed, as if he was still back in that hospital bed, struggling to move. She completely paralyzed him. “Yea-I’m-I’m listening.”

            “Frank just stopped by. I don’t know what you’re planning with him but I need you to call off whatever it is.”

            Slowly, Tommy sat down at his desk, making sure the telephone wire didn’t snag on anything. “Kate-”       

            “Please just listen.” Her voice was shaky but she didn’t stop. “I know you’re not afraid of death. But just try to see it through my eyes. If anything was to happen to your family or you, I would never be able to forgive myself. You don’t know what you’re getting into and I need you to just let it be. I’m begging you, Tommy. Just forget it and move on.”

            It was the same argument she had tried to use before in the letter she left. But Tommy was steadfast. He could appreciate her concern, but he didn’t see anything going wrong. “Patrick’s told me a lot. He says he sees the marks on your face.”

            “That’s not what this is about…”

            “You’re sorely mistaken if you think I’m going to let him get away with what he’s done. He made it my business when he stepped foot in Small Heath. He’s going to die, Kate.”

            “Tommy, just listen to yourself! You don’t see what’s right in front of you! It’s the same thing with the Changrettas, I warned you and look what happened!” She cried, desperate to get him to understand. “You’re blind with anger and you know what happens to men who fight with their heart on their sleeve!”

            “This isn’t negotiable, Kate.” He considered a conversation with her very precious at that moment. He yearned to see her again but hearing her voice was enough. Still, that didn’t mean he was backing down, even if it killed him inside to waste that precious time arguing with her.

            Angry and frustrated, she burst into tears. “I don’t love you!” She shouted. The words grated as they left her mouth. Four words. Only four words and the statement was the most damning lie she’d ever told.

            Tommy was silent. He could hear her crying on the other end of the line. “You don’t mean that.” He said quietly.

            “Yes, I do. I don’t love you and I-I never want to see you again. So, don’t even try to come looking for me. I won’t be here waiting for you!” It was a desperate attempt. Foolish really, but Kate knew she needed to do everything she could to keep Tommy where he was. It was still agonizing and she sank to her knees, the phone held to her ear.

            “Kate, you don’t fucking mean that. I know you don’t. If you were here, you wouldn’t be able to look me in the eye and say it.”

            Her chest seized as she sobbed. She was so distraught that she didn’t hear the footsteps coming up behind her. Suddenly, someone pressed on the receiver to end the call.

            Tommy frowned when the line went dead. “Kate? Kate!” But there was no one there.

            In Boston, Kate’s head whipped up to see Santo standing over her. Fear washed over her as he gave her a sickening smile.

            “Who was that on the phone, micina?”

            She swallowed and looked up at him, unaware of how much of the conversation he’d heard. “Um…no one.” She said in a weak voice.

            His eyes darkened and he grabbed a handful of her hair. “Y’know I could come up with such a long list of names for you, but liar always seems to top it.”

            Kate yelped as she tried to wriggle out of his grip. “Please, I told him to leave me alone!”

            “Yeah? Think I don’t know what’s going on? Why’d my men catch Frank Wallace on the edge of my territory, huh? Got a telegram in his pocket from guess who?”

            She clawed at his wrist but didn’t answer.

            “Guess!” He shouted at her.

            “I don’t know!” She wailed from the pain of her hair pulling at the roots.

            “Liar!” He pushed her into the sofa. “Liar, you fucking lie and lie. That’s all you do, isn’t it?”

            Kate tried to scramble to her feet as he walked back towards her with hell in his eyes. She looked to the stairs as her exits. She could go upstairs and lock herself in the room, she’d done that a few times to escape him. But the lock was starting to give and she worried he might break it down. She could try for the door but he was blocking her path.

            “What is he planning?” Santo cornered her by the fireplace.

            “I don’t know.” Survival mode was taking hold of her. But there were dwindling chances to escape. So, she would have to fight.

            “What is he planning!?” He yelled and grabbed her by the throat. “Tell me!”

            Kate answered with a knee to his groin.

            Instantly, he doubled over in pain and released his hold. “You bitch!”

            She made a dash for it but he hooked her leg, toppling her to the ground. Her wrist took the impact, making her cry out in pain.

            Santo staggered to his feet and loomed over her. “Get up.” He ordered. “Get the fuck up! You’ve really done it now, you whore. No one’s gonna recognize you when they pull you out of the water. Fitting huh? Getting dragged outta the Harbor like your father? They’ll toss you into a ditch and everyone will forget about you like the trash you are.”

            A tear slipped from Kate’s cheek and fell onto the hardwood floor. No way did she see herself going out like this. She just wanted to be free. She wanted to dance on stage again. She wanted to be weightless. She pressed her uninjured hand into the floor to push herself back up.

            “I tried to give you everything. All you had to do was one thing. One fucking thing, Kate!” He kicked her in the ribs, causing her to fall again. “But you couldn’t even do that. Lying whore that you are. Garbage just like your parents. I should’ve never wasted my time on you. I should’ve killed you a long time ago.”

            She would be weightless. Bodies float in water. She would be weightless in the ocean. Maybe the tide wouldn’t carry her back in. Maybe it would let her stay out there. Maybe it would let her dissolve into nothing but salt. She’d be weightless then. There would be no one to worry about then. Santo wouldn’t have a reason to go after the Peaky Blinders. Tommy wouldn’t have a reason to go after the Italians.

            Tommy…God, his eyes were as blue as the ocean. She swore she could remember every single time he looked at her. But the time that was burned into her memory was the time he said he loved her. What had she given him? The last thing she said to him was that she didn’t love him. That’s what she would be leaving him with.

            But that’s all she was to anyone. A missed opportunity. That’s all life ever was to her, a missed opportunity.

            “Get up!” Santo’s voice was going hoarse from how loud he was screaming at her. His face was red.

            Kate took a deep breath. She was going to tell Tommy Shelby she loved him. She was going to dance again. This was her opportunity. Her hand went to the knife on her thigh.

            “GET UP!”

            So she did.

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Masterpost

PB Masterlist

[multi-fandom-writings]

Three Little Words

“Meet my family” Those three small words had thrown your mind into a tizzy, their implications huge, knowing how much Tommy valued his family and their privacy. You sat nervously in the back of the car, fussing with the hem of your dress, a light chiffon day dress, perfect for the informal picnic that Ada had no doubt planned for the group. Your mind continued to race, thinking back to the moment he’d said those three words, his crystalline eyes showing a speck of vulnerability, a chink in his armour, the crack in his ever composed exterior. This was it, this was his way of saying I love you without uttering those three impossibly heavy words.

As your feet hit the gravel, you walked beside Tommy and followed a short distance behind John and Esme, who were struggling to direct the children they had brought along, Ada and Karl we’re in front with Polly, searching for a place to sit, and behind you was Arthur, who spoke quietly with Michael, while the latter simply nodded along in his calculatingly quiet demeanor. Your hands once again found the hem of your dress, it’s thin fabric threatening to fray under your touch. You were so intent on watching the children run about that you were startled when a warm hand slipped into yours, a calloused thumb rubbing soothing circles into the back of your hand. Somehow, without imparting a word or even a glance, Tommy knew just what to say to make you feel as though it was going to be alright.

Lunch went off without a hitch and afterwards the children ran off to play by the stream that ran through the park you were in. You seemed to have found the only serene place within the vicinity of Birmingham, the trees lined the edges of the park, a small stream running off through the green sloping fields and into its depths. The Shelbys weren’t nearly as terrifying in this setting, it was hard to be threatening when surrounded by children and in such a tranquil place. Tommy and John had gone back to fetch something from the car, their lazy gate meandering along the path, and Arthur was playing some sort of game amongst his niece and nephews, leaving you alone with Polly, Ada and Esme. "He loves you, you know.” Stated Polly, casually taking a drag from her cigarette, causing you to quirk your head in surprise, obviously he was fond of you, but he hadn’t yet uttered the dreaded three letter phrase that involved the infamous ‘l’ word. "Well, I mean I-” You stammered, but Esme beat you to it, a cool, blase expression both on her face and in her voice. "Any idiot could see it, Tommy has the emotional range of a teaspoon, and he shows even less. While you’ve been here I’ve seen him smile more than I ever have in my life.” The way she sated it, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, causing your head to spin, a small voice repeating he loves you over and over again, a grin creeping up to the corners of your mouth. "But by God,” Polly began, lowering her voice as she heard Tommy and John approaching once more, brandishing the cake knife, “If you do something to fuck it up, pack your bags and don’t look back, because I will find you, and you won’t like it when I do.” She stared intently at you for a moment, then looked up at her nephews with a beaming smile. We turned to see Arthur walk up, one child on his back, another clinging to his neck, Michael following quietly in tow. "You seem to be missing two Arthur.” Said John with a laugh, and Arthur could only grin,

“They went off to fetch a ball that Karl here,” he paused to ruffle his nephew’s hair, “ kicked over into the woods.” The group chatted for a moment, Polly passing out plates and everyone settling in, before John’s middle daughter came running from the woods, screaming for her mother and father.

"HELP HELP he’s fallen in, he’s fallen in the river.” She said pointing towards the wooded area where the stream continued off, indicating that that was where her brother had gotten off to. Looking around you realized that not only was it her brother, it was John’s youngest son, having not yet even reached his 3rd birthday. In a shot everyone was up, John running to meet his daughter, Tommy and Esme behind them, but you were faster, rushing to meet the little girl and follow where she pointed. Noting a small bridge to cross the deeper portion of the stream, you heard her childish voice behind you sobbing, “he walked up on the bridge but slipped”, though this was hard to make out in between sobs.

Having reached the bridge yourself, you spotted a small grey jacket in the river, rushing in the opposite direction, and without a moment’s hesitation you pealed off your own coat and dove in after him. The water was so cold it was shocking, and it took you a moment before you could acclimate and get your wits about you again. Kicking your legs against the current, you shot up from to the surface, gasping for air and looking at your surroundings. On the riverbank, the Shelby family stood, each a vast array of emotion. Esme had nearly cracked her facade, looking with a mixture of panic and fury into the stream to see her son, John, holding back his wife and his daughter while staring intently at the churning water, Arthur with a bewildered gaze and Ada biting her fingernails in anticipation. Tommy though, Tommy was looking at you. His gaze caught yours and he pointed to your right, causing you to turn, just as the small boy resurfaced, panting and gasping before disappearing again. Reaching him involved little more than allowing the current to take you, and trying to keep yourself afloat, that river rushing past you and it’s screams loud in your ear. You extended your arm for another stroke but by some luck touched some shred of fabric, and snatched it faster than lightning, hauling it towards you.

Feeling the length of the coat, you quickly grabbed the boy by the shoulders, pulling his head above the surface of the water. You held him close to you, and his small fists balled the material of your dress, quite literally, for dear life. You kicked your legs furiously to keep you both afloat, wondering how in the hell you we’re going to get back to shore. Looking around, you saw that the current had taken you at least 10 yards downstream just in your pursuit of the boy, the Shelby family small, shadowy figures in the distance by now. Cutting diagonal seemed your best bet, and by the time you’d made it half way, your legs ached and your lungs burned under the dead weight in your arms. By this point you could faintly make out John’s panicked yelps on shore and Esme’s cries over the roar of the water. Just then, an idea came to you.

"Alright let’s play a game,” you said as the little boy looked up at you with bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"Let’s see how long we can hold our breath okay,” you said fake cheer radiating off you faster than the anxiety. He gave a small nod of understanding. “Alright ready, one, two three.” and with that you dove beneath the surface, pushing the boy in front of you as you got full use of all your limbs, catapulting you towards the shore. By the time you stopped for air, the water was only waist deep, you with all the strength you had left, you picked up the infant and made your way onto the banks of the river. Before you’d made it even a few yards, Esme came running to meet you, wrenching her son from your arms, not caring about her now soaking wet dress, sobbing into the material of the boys coat. Wringing out your hair, you set foot on shore, and a large coat was immediately draped over your form, and it wasn’t until then that you realized you we’re shaking with cold.

The walk back to the cars was quiet, everyone calming down from the previous rush of endorphins, everyone fatigued, but no one more than the small boy, who had quickly fallen asleep on Esme’s shoulder. You practically fell into the back of the car, everyone saying their quiet goodbyes and agreeing to meet up later on in Small Heath. You were already half asleep by the time that Tommy sat beside you, and while you we’re sluggish, you curled up into his side, drinking in his warmth against your shivering form. Your eyes we’re drooping and your mind was slowing as you heard Tommy mumble, “ I don’t think they could help but love you,” before running his fingers through your wet locks. And as your brain slowed and your body fell into sleep, you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of the other Shelby who might in fact also love you.