#I was so fucking scared yesterday
Note
Kurier and Benny getting up to no good, silly style
baby didn't, in fact, get it
#ANON YOU...scored right into the middle of my board with this one i was just thinking about their dynamic yesterday. THANK YOUUU!!!! :3#art#doodle#sketch#fnv#fallout new vegas#benny gecko#courier oc#benny fnv#fnv benny#this was soooo fun to make too<3 epic awesomesauce ask!!!!!#ok ok so maybe tags arent the best place to talk about how i think these two would mix but but!!#ok so. i think benny would first and foremost not be scared of kurier at all because she has the reputation of a goody two shoes that#doesnt like killing. in fact i think he would try to exploit its kindness and use it for favors before ultimately getting rid of it#OR SO is his plan...he gets captured etc etc#and kurier is like aww no not my. fucking cringeguy noooo#(it initially didnt like him but i think they both grew more comfortable after a while and became friends)#anyways so. kurier has to kill him etc etc boohoo its sad i forgor where i was going with this i might. write a post or something byee
151 notes
·
View notes
Text
When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out
#vent#its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything#i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant.#im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something-#-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again.#plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal)#and just#im fucking tired ok#and I'm sorry im a bad friend#i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some.#but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired#i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn?#and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON.#I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it#but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit#and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them#and they can lash out on me#i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not#last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend#it wasnt my fault#that friend ghosted me#im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too#but at the same time im too done to even really care#i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
birthday surprise from my coworkers
#actually just lost my mind when I saw it#literally so fucking funny but it scared the shit out of me#birthday was yesterday but I was at a diffeent offove#*office#pers
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
one day my anxiety is going to kill me
#just nervous rambles before i leave the house ignore me i feel like talking#meine belastbarkeit? geht gegen null#but hey at least i no longer get proper anxiety/panic attacks#i used to have attacks when going to my therapist i couldn't go in we would have to go for a walk lest i feel like i was about to die#i did cried yesterday and nothing bad happened just me being a fucking baby and terrified of messing up#and now i feel so much trepidation of because today is another day to mess up#it helps to think of one of my dogs and how scared she wasof going to the vet (and of other things and how brave she was)#we would have to carry her through the entrance lest she vomit#and there was no way to sooth her and explain what was happening#she would be paralyzed and just let things happen#and it helps to think about that and how she made it through and how i know what is happening and yes it is scary#but it is good and it's growth and i've grown so much and that i can do it if she could do it#it's silly but it has actually helped#meins
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
i cut more of my bangs today
#i fear i've lost the plot#it looks nicer than it did yesterday though#buying hair dye tomorrow...#see i've always been scared to change my hair too much#but once you make one mistake it becomes so much easier to just say fuck it#yeah sure cut your own side bangs#yeah dye your hair by yourself for the first time ever#its only hair#need to start saying fuck it idc about a lot more things than hair
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me: *furiously trying to edit this court opinion, upset about damage to our sun room from a recent horrible scary rainstorm, antsy in cubicle, bouncing leg like a damn kangaroo* I suffer.
Mom: I'm baking you some potatoes so you guys can have them when you get home from work.
Bast: I put away the Christmas tree all by myself so you wouldn't have to.
Me: I am loved and I can get through anything!!!
#kidk says stuff#long story short rain somehow got in under the sun room roof and started dripping from a crack in the ceiling all over the floor#this happened at 10pm on tuesday and scared the shit out of me bc it's like. my worst fear? house getting fucked by a storm?#((well one of my worst fears anyway i have a lot of worst fears))#there's now stains on the ceiling along the crack and in a splotch nearby where presumably water pooled between the roof and ceiling#the guy who installed the roof in april 2022 came yesterday and did SOMETHING up there but said he'd come back today to do something else#and afaik he has not done so and it's already 3pm#:< even after he's done hopefully sealing stuff up we gotta get the ceiling crack fixed and the area repainted with kilz and paint
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
whenever a guy approaches me i start wishing i had a giant forehead tattoo that reads "I AM NOT & WILL NEVER EVER BE INTERESTED LEAVE ME ALONE PERMANENTLY" so i could flash it at them
#you know since i have bangs#just leave me alone freakazoid LEAVE ME ALOOOONEEEEE#they always say i seem scared Hm probably because i am now PISS OFF#guy two days ago ( skipping today & had a free day yesterday ) entered the same class as me & tried to chat me up#did not look back at him or bother to remember his name but i shook his hand:-/ i feel compelled to not leave people hanging#felt like self immolating after He was like are you always this stiff & quiet you seem scared do you have problems#yes i do & that problem is you FUCK OFF & now he knows my name & face but IDK his i am so goddamn retarded#i just kept answering in shrugs & IDKs but what i should have done is use my FFP ( Foreigner Face Privilege ) & pretend not to understand#but since i am an english major he would have just switched to bothering me in english UGHHH WHY CAN I NOT SAY NO#i feel really disgusted with myself RN#skipped today because i am too freaked out about everything trying to come down from heart palpitations i really hate when this happens#i always feel too anxious to go after i wish i lived in a female only world but also i feel really ugly lately too#which means it should be illegal for me to go outside#also i missed my bus right by like 5 seconds the moment i was about to cross the road it flashed away so...#i took it as a sign to not go ( after waiting for ~15+ minutes... sorry i am a quitter but not that fast )
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
pretty sure things from my past fucked me up so bad that nobody will love me. and even if they do, deep down ill still be afraid they may be lying
#personal#platonic or romantic. im too fucked up for a human to love me. animals do but thats different animals are easier for me to understand#i mean animals dont look at me in digust for being covered in scar tissue cuz cutting myself is the only way i can keep myself alive#or look at me with pity. to them im just a big creature even the wild animals who run away. theyre just scared i understand cuz i am too#i often feel like i am a feral animal. idk how to socialize i isolated myself so bad that everything isay seems wrong and foreign#im losing time lately too. ill realize days have past and i dont remember much of the on between this happens often and its bothers me#idont remember making that post yesterday at all my brain is like perpetually foggy#i feel as if i shouldnt talk about this tbh like even just on my own blog i feel like a burden and everyone wants me dead idk#im veryconfused
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
GUYS!! LUIGI'S MANSION 3 IS SO FUCKING FUN!
#so i got a switch yesterday!#and i had to get the game with my sweet sweet boy as the star!#AND I UNDERESTIMATED HOW FUN THIS GAME IS#AND ALSO LUIGI IS SO FUCKING CUTE!?!?#LIKE THE LITTLE NOISES AND “DIALOGUE” HE DOES AHDBDNJDNFF#I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!#I feel bad accidentally scaring him but he's so dang CUTE#LOSING MY MIND I LOVE THIS GAME SM ALREADY#HE'S SO FUCKING CUTE#-splits a table-#self ship#f/o#self shipping
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love cooking (makes me feel like a witch concocting a brew) & have been getting sooo much more fun & experimental with it lately now im "freelance" (unemployed but in an artsy way).. its what senshi (dungeon meshi) would want.
#sorry to be that girl but#in italy this summer#during my eat slay love adventure#living in a country manor with loads of gay men who are incredible cooks#i began to really treasure what goes into my body#(food not cocks)#(at least in this instance)#anyhow that plus hanging out w my cousin aleks who's an amazing cook has me so inspired#(he looks like senshi actually)#considering i used to be (tw) very eating disordered i get so giddy with glee seeing my progress since hs#being scared of food to loving it with all my heart and stomach#yesterday i made palak paneer but w silverbeet.. the silverbeet wasnt as good but it was so fun#personal#my body feels really full of nutrients atm :] crazy what a diffo it can make#btw i be self deprecating about freelance but im getting scouted for loads of writing and game design right now which slaps the fuck
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh i have like ! an Actually abusive father huh !
#casually spills guts#so yesterday i had like . a meeting thing with all my teachers + my dad#not like conferences or anything it was a personal thing#and like . my english teacher got rly concerned 4 me after the conference ((he saw me like . tearing up cuz i was scared of my dad getting#more mad at me and shit))#so me and my english teacher had like . a one on one thing earlier#where he kinda just . dissected me under a microscope like a bug#trying to figure out what my deal was and all that ………..#and at one point he was like “do you think yr dads abusing you”#and iwwas like . oh Shit i think he might#like . my dads a dick and all but i never thought he was Abusive#but when i thogiht about it right theen i was like . well fuck He Just Might Be !!!!!!!!!#so tgats fun#slash sarcastic
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
big boy hours continue
#yesterday i was soooo brave#bc in p.e. (technically self defense class bc thats what i chose) we had to spend a solid few minutes running at the start#like in a circle as warm-up#and i fucking died. i have marfan syndrome (which affects the heart even if you dont have the severe heart variant) AND anemia i cant fuckin#g run#i cant do fucking stamina-based shit i loose feeling invmy legs and get black spots imnediately#so after that i had to sit on the mat for a few mins and do my best not to pass out💀#and i was absolute shit for the rest of the class bc i was exhausted and dizzy#so i decided to be a big boy and after class went to the trainer (who im a bit scared off) to ask if if i have a genetic illness that me-#*makes me#-have no stamina then can i just. not run please. or do i have to change my p.e. class (please no)#and it went very well! i dont have to change classes and im allowed to just do my own warm ups while theyre running#i was so scared of trying to ask for that😭#im unreasonably happy with myself for doing what technically is a normal adult thing but. shh#ramble#personal
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
me getting ready to get high as shit so i can watch the same kpop videos i always watch
#yesterday or technically early today i ended up watching the ride for you by devita ft. dawn mv for almkst 2 hours help#n i will do the same today! i owe devita my life for giving dawn that feature n letting him dance in the video too i missed u dawndididawn 🫶#i liked dear my light but it was a slow/emotional song n over here they let him say fuck shit n bitches HELP#after he left p nation n then the breakup w hyuna i was scared he’d never release music again. dawn nation we won 🙏#he looked so sexy in the video too i love the red n black hair n his lip piercing#sorry this video reawakened the dawn obsession#i forgive him for stupid cool#.txt
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
it’s yom kippur now and im not supposed to eat anything until sunset tomorrow but ive had a headache all day and rn its fucking SPLITTING but im 5 hours into the fast and i don’t know what to do. eating something would probably make me feel better but it’s yom kippur and i don’t have a longstanding ailment that would prohibit me from fasting or whatever it’s just i woke up with a headache that has gotten worse throughout the day and now the fast has started but it’s the worst it’s been all day. idk what to do. i need to eat something but i can’t
#purrs#i feel bad having any other thoughts other than like. atonement on this day but imso stressed i didn’t do my homework all weekend bc#yesterday i had horrible cramps and today i had a horrible headache and i was holding out for it to get better and it didn’t and now im#going to be in HELL fasting tomorrow bc not eating or drinking already *gives* me a headache idk what it’s going to be like when I already#have one and i can’t just take pain meds bc we don’t have any 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 im absolutely fucking miserable#food#definitely not getting written in the book of life for saying this 😻✌️ but im so tired of there being a struggle every day. like every day s#something happens and i can’t make a decision that i know will be best for me because im scared of what others who are more powerful will#think. and in this specific instance it’s god and my mom. most of the time it’s just my mom. and im just so tired. i can never do what i#know is best for me because the timing is never right. lol#like can i please not have a horrible headache on the holiest day of the year when im not supposed to eat anything. can i please have a win.#anyway my homework is due tomorrow at 4:30 and ive done nothing to work on it at all whatsoever so i won’t even be able to observe the h#holiday anyway bc i’ll be doing that homework stressed and hungry and dealing with a horrible headache. can’t wait!
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
…
#been really struggling lately because idk I guess now that I’m in therapy#I’m thinking extra about all the things that have made me this specific fucked up#and it really just boils down to feeling unwanted#I wasn’t supposed to be born my grandma told my mom to abort me#I spent my entire childhood hearing my mom say that she’s not parent material but I insisted on being born#like putting the responsibility on me even tho it was her choice???#and then they idk just didn’t take care of me good#like I had to have my teeth taken out at 17 because they were literally rotting out of my head and like coming out in chunks into#my food while I was eating#and when I finally got to the emergency dentist I had to pay for it#and I’m broke but I don’t want this job I just started I’m so scared#but we need money#I just feel like I can’t do it anymore I just want someone to take care of me#I want my life to mean something to someone#I can’t type what she said somewhat recently because I alresdy cried about it yesterday#but idk I just feel like dog shit and I can’t reach out to any of my friends because they’re all busy rn#but it’s been really really bad lately I won’t lie I don’t feel like I can keep going anymore
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Guys…what’s a polite way to ask my landlord if leaving the hallway lights on in the building goes towards my electric bill or if it goes to his?
#im like. not doing too well mentally because my neighbours moved in yesterday and they leave it on all the. time what I’ve gathered?!? I’m#I turned it off when I left for work but it was on when I came back on so I’m like#if they turn it on all the time it’ll be on during on peak times#and it’s not fair for me to fucking pay for this when I’m not even hereeeee#I tried checking my electric usage but I can’t really tell what’s happened by the hour ugh#what do I do help I’m too scared to talk to my neighbours
3 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
foxywhile
Путевые записки лисицы
lenzethailand
Lenze Sales & Services
decose
A monosaccharide with ten carbon atoms
timelinetechnoblog
Time Line Techno
woodendummyjati
Wooden Dummy Jati