#I’VE NEVER WANTED TO END IT ALL SO BADLY I MISS HIM SM

[granitxhka]

shut up shut up shut up

[thefreakymunson]

Okay I loved your writing on the miscarriage story literally so so AMAZING

Can you do one where it’s the same concept except Eddie is actually there for when she miscarries and is at the hospital and is there for her at home? Maybe ends with a time skip where they end up having a baby and those onesies he was working on get to be used?🥹

OR maybe a Part 2 where Eddie’s able to somehow get through to Y/N to talk things through and they get back together and one day she goes in his room and finds all the packed away onesies and parenting books and she realizes just how badly he actually was excited for a baby?

Just some ideas!! I love your work sm you’re a goddess 🫶🏻

Word Count: 1, 809 TW: Talks of miscarriage! Lotsa angst and tears. Read part 1 here

It had been nearly three weeks since you lost your baby and the last time you talked to Eddie. It was too painful to see him. Things ended horribly and you hated that he felt like a stranger now. You hated you pushed him away...and you hated that you missed and still loved him.

You found yourself hesitant to go any further in up the two short steps. He didn’t know you were there because you didn’t call. It had been weighing on your mind to show up unannounced but you needed to get the the stuff you had left here. His van signaled he was here and he’d probably not want you near him.

Just as you were going to knock on the door, it opened. Eddie jumped slightly at the sight of you. He was fully dressed with his arms full of binders. He was obviously headed out somewhere.

“Y/N,” his voice and expression was shocked.

“I -” you sighed and felt the anxiety building up into your throat, “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’ll – I can come back.”

You started to retreat back into the driveway when you heard him speak again.

“Wait, Y/N. Wait, okay?” Eddie sighed, sitting his binders down as he walked closer to you, “You’re here for your things, yeah?”

“Yeah but I can come back. I didn’t mean to-”

Eddie sighed, “You don’t have to leave. I’ve got to go drop these off with Henderson and I’ll be right back. Like ten minutes, yeah?”

You nodded and sighed, “I’ll be gone by then. I just want to get my clothes.”

“You know where everything is,” he nodded, “Do you...maybe want to wait until I get back so we can talk? I’m going to be honest, Y/N...I miss the hell outta you.”

You shrugged sheepishly and stared down at his shoes, “I don’t know, Eddie.”

He nodded and sighed softly, “I get it. Okay...most of your clothes are in the closet but you know where everything else is.”

You nodded and watched as he picked up the binders again. He unlocked the door and pushed it open for you, his keys jingling in his full hands as he walked off to the van. You were thankful, in a solemn way, that he was leaving for a bit. It gave you time to make sure you had everything.

You walked the familiar trail to his bedroom, the scent of tobacco and weed still clinging to the air. It’s funny. Normally you hated the scent of cigarette smoke but within these walls...it just felt welcoming. You couldn’t deny how much this place felt like a second home for you. So many days and nights spent here. Whether it was spending time with Eddie, or the nights you stayed late and Wayne would force you to stay for dinner. The nights you’d spend here, curled up on the couch with Eddie as the three of you watched some shitty comedy or game show. Tears filled your eyes and you willed them away as much as you could. You were going to miss this.

You pushed Eddie’s door open and sighed. You never thought saying goodbye to a room would be hard but you had spent so much of the last three years in here. You sat down on the side of the bed and brought one of his pillows up to your nose, still able to smell him on them. Cigarettes, clean shampoo, a bit of sweat. This bed was your safe haven away from a cruel world. So many memories had been made in here, not all just sex, but the most important memory who would forever just be a memory now, was made here.

The memory Eddie said he didn’t want and couldn’t love.

The memory that ruined your relationship with him.

The memory that would never be born from your body.

The memory that you’d never get to hold and love like a parent should be able to.

Just a memory now. A painful memory that stung so deep.

After a few moments, you stood up and walked over to the closet, pushing the sliding door open. You grabbed a bag and started taking your clothes off of the hanger, not even caring to fold them. The faster you got out of here, the better. You didn’t think you could bare to talk to him. You’d fold so fast. The distance was the only thing keeping you sane.

You stood up on your tip toes to reach a pair of your shoes in the back and when you pulled them down, you knocked just about everything off the top shelf. With a soft groan, you bent down and started putting things back in where they belonged. You knew every inch of this room and knew what went where.

You were folding things back up when you seen them. They were sticking halfway out of a bag and one of his hoodies and it picked your interest. They were to small to be worn by either of you. You moved the things away from the bag and picked up the tiniest white onesies you’d ever seen in your life. Your heart shattered in your chest as you looked down, seeing he had been etching and sewing band logos onto the tiny outfits. Most of them had some sort of design on them but there were a few that were left blank as if he hadn’t finished them. He didn’t need a reason to anymore.

Your tears fell silently as you bent down and folded them back the way he had them, taking the time to carefully tuck them the way he did. You didn’t want him to think you were being nosy. You were too into what you were doing that you didn’t hear the front door open or his soft footsteps as he made his way back to his bedroom.

“You’re still here?” Eddie seemed surprised.

“Yeah. I – I wasn’t snooping. I accidentally knocked them off the shelf when I was getting my shoes.” You stuttered a bit, a nervous habit you had.

“It’s okay,” he shrugged, “I should’ve hid them better.”

“You didn’t know I was coming,” you sighed.

“I know I was an asshole when you told me...I was just scared, Y/N. I didn’t know what to do. I mean, you were telling me this big life changing news and I...I freaked out. But I wanted that baby,” Eddie frowned, “I regret saying those things. I know it hurt you – I know I hurt you and I’ll never forgive myself for it. Especially now.”

“I just keep hearing you say I’d be a bad mom over and over again.” Your tears fell freely now, “And you were right. I was. I done everything that the doctors told me to and I still couldn’t...grow her like I should’ve been able to. Even though she was in here,” your fingers splayed across your stomach, “And she should’ve been safe...she wasn’t.”

“You were a good mom, Y/N.” Eddie frowned, “You were. Maybe it just wasn’t mean to be for that baby.”

“But I done everything right.” You sobbed, covering your face with your hands, allowing yourself to finally break down. You had kept your emotions in for the past three weeks. Everyone seemed to walk on eggshells around you immediately after the miscarriage and you hated it so you didn’t let any of them know how badly you were hurting. You didn’t have to put on a facade for Eddie. “I swear I did, Eddie. I wanted her so badly.”

His arms were around you immediately, squeezing you so tightly as you sobbed. He sunk into the floor with you, pulling you into his lap. And despite your tears and your anger...you felt like you were at home for the first time in months. He slowly rocked you, swaying side to side as you clung to him. The deepest sobs wrecking your body. He closed his eyes, his own tears falling silently as he nuzzled his nose against your hair.

“You know, the nurse said the worst thing to me while I was waiting to be discharged.” You frowned, “She said...you’re still young. You have time to make another one. You’re here all alone while you’re miscarrying”.” You clenched your eyes tightly, “Like that made the loss of her any better, ya know? Like...we can just make another one and forget about this baby.”

“Fuck her,” Eddie frowned, “This baby won’t be forgotten by either of us. I should’ve never left you that night. I shouldn’t have done anything like that and I’m so sorry, baby.”

Things were quiet for a few more minutes before you spoke up again.

“I love you, Eddie.” You whispered, “I don’t like living without you. I hate waking up by myself. I hate that I can’t just...call you whenever I need to vent or just to hear your voice...I miss you. I don’t want to end this...I know you probably don’t want anything to do with me and that’ll hurt but I...I miss you.”

You felt him squeeze you a bit tighter as he mumbled, “I don’t want this to end either. I don’t want us to break up. I’ve spent the last three years head over hills in love with you and these past few weeks have been fuckin’ horrible, Y/N.”

He pulled you even tighter against him as if he couldn’t get close enough. He couldn’t stop touching you. He told himself he’d never have you like this again – he fucked it up too badly. But you were here seeking comfort from him and that meant something. It meant you still loved him enough to want to try. So he could try, too.

“You can’t - “ he sighed softly, cupping your face in his hands as he forced you to look up at him, “You can’t let what others are saying get you down. Or what I stupidly said. You’d make a great mother, Y/N. I’ve seen you with babies and kids and you light up around them. I know you were scared. I was too. But I think maybe, just maybe, this was a sign for us to get our shit together, yeah?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean...we’re both adults now...it’s time to grow up and get out of our parents house, ya know?” Eddie shrugged, “I’ve got enough saved up for a down payment on a trailer. I’ve signed the papers already. I’m just waiting on the keys...what do you say about moving in with me?”

You stared at him for a few minutes, eyes staring up at him as if to question him. You weren’t sure how you were supposed to answer him. The bottom line was – you wanted him still. The way he looked at you, even now, proved he still loved you. His big brown eyes so full of emotions, a mix of sadness and eagerness – eager to set things straight. He needed you to know he loved you.

Things were still rocky – the two of you had just suffered a significant loss...

But how could you say no?

*********************************************** A/N: Part 3? 👀

[sunatooru]

Can I request a hc for how Akaashi, Kuroo, and Bokuto with s/o who is happy infront of everyone with severe depression?? I struggle with it myself and go through really hard times where I can’t even take care of myself (brushing teeth, taking meds, getting out of bed/interacting with anything) and get super embarrassed about it, if you could that would be so lovely and appreciated . I love your work sm 💕

+ this is the person who requested the depression hcs for Kuroo, bo and akaashi… do you care if i ask for Atsumu too?? i dont want to be a bother 😅

Thank youu I love youuuu <3 I hope you like it x

~

Warning: hints of reader being depressed, not leaving the bed and lack of motivation, gn!reader

~

Akaashi

* he’s picked it up

* He knows the smile you’re putting on

* He doesn’t want to assume anything so it’s only when you get home that he sits you down

* “My love, you know you can tell me anything.” He squeezes your hand

* “Nothing you say will make me think less of you. I promise.”

* Rubs your skin with his thumb as he nods to you

* “It’s not embarrassing, love. Sometimes we just want to hide parts of ourselves, but it’s okay. I’ll help you get through this. I love you.”

* He cups your jaw and gives you a tender kiss

* When you’re going through a particularly hard week, he’s there to pick you up

* “Join me in the shower, my love?” He insists

* He undresses you carefully, kissing every exposed skin before bringing you under the water

* “You’re doing so well…”

* Washes you so gently, massaging the shower gel into you, and smiling when you start to relax

* Rinses you both and wraps the towel around you, giving you a hug

* “It’s okay…it’s be okay.”

Kuroo

* He didn’t see anything wrong the night before

* When you stayed in bed the whole day, he just thought you were tired

* But a few more days and he was concerned

* He kneels next to you, you facing him in the bed

* “Hey baby, you feeling okay? Should I get you something?” And your reaction is enough for him to understand

* He pats your head

* Coming closer to kiss your temple before resting his forehead against yours

* “I’m here baby. Whatever you need, I’m here.”

* Gets into bed with you, wrapping his arms tight and whispering that he’s got a treat for you

* Doesn’t push you too much to leave but manages to coax you out of bed

* Brings you to the kitchen and shows off a meal he’s made

* Starts conversation and says the dumbest jokes just to see you smile

* At the end of the night he’s cuddling you

* “I’ve got you. Don’t worry about anything else.” He promises

Bokuto

* You’re his baby

* And he can never handle you feeling bad

* He watches your smile falter after waving goodbye to your friends

* He catches the lack of motivation in you and he wants to help so badly

* “Cutie…I want to help. I want to make you happy. Please…can you tell me what’s wrong?” He pouts and you break

* He listens intently, scrunching his brows at how embarrassed you feel

* “No, it’s not embarrassing. It’s just how you feel. It’s not your fault you feel like this.” He assures you, pulling you into a warm hug

* He helps you with daily errands

* Gives you piggyback rides to the bathroom

* Makes funny faces as you brush your teeth, giving you kisses as you rinse

* He’s managed to organise your medication

* Reminding you and grabbing you a drink to wash them down with

* Doesn’t let you feel alone

* But knows when to back off when you need space

* “I love you, baby. I’ll take good care of you…forever.”

Atsumu

* He knows

* He knows the smiles in public get lost at home

* He knows that even though you’re so enthusiastic to others, you can get into a headspace in private

* And so he’s always there for you

* Laughing with you in public and comforting you even more at home

* He’s been hearing your phone ring for the past 5 minutes

* “Babe, ya gonna answer?” He queries

* But no reply

* He finds you curled up in bed and feels his heart ache

* He crouches down and tilts you chin towards him

* “Ya don’t need to answer, it’s okay. Want to cuddle?” He asks and slides in so you’re facing him

* He kisses your forehead, eyelids and nose, before giving you a small smile and kissing your lips

* “Yer so wonderful. Amazing. Beautiful. I’m so lucky. I know ya won’t automatically feel better, but I’ll be with ya until you do. But for now, let’s just cuddle…missed ya.”

* He massages your head, whispering all your great qualities and how your feelings are valid, doesn’t matter if you don’t show it in public

[panlight]

You've said before how Esme and Emmett could be removed from the story fairly easily and not affect the plot. How would you write them to actually have a purpose? How would you make them more than "Carlisle's and Rosalie's spouses"? In what ways could they impact the plot/story beyond being "Team Bella"?

Just having them spend actual time with Bella and develop a relationship that is more show than tell would help a lot. Like Esme is always saying stuff like "you're part of the family" and Emmett says stuff like "everything's more fun when you're around" but everything is so E/B (or Jacob) focused that we're just supposed to take it as gospel that Bella loves and cares for these other characters despite seeing like . . . no development with them. Even MS doesn't quite fix this, although it tries with Emmett, it's still in a "He instantly decided to love and protect this human based on like two seconds of interaction" way. That's nice of him, but it doesn't feel organic, it doesn't feel like he got to know Bella as a person. Especially since this happens literally after the baseball game on literally the first day he's met her.

The cut "Emmett and the bear" except would have helped here. They are actually spending time together and talking. It feels much more natural. Emmett as a parallel to Bella makes him more relevant, as a human chosen by a vampire. But Esme's experience is even more relevant (teenage girl meets a vampire, fancies herself irrevocably in love) and it's . . . never mentioned in canon at all.

With Esme the answer seems to be make Renee's crappy parenting more explicit and thus Esme as the surrogate mom more literal. As I've said before, I didn't think Renee came off that badly in Twilight (by Eclipse I was starting to side-eye her when she skipped the graduation, but that felt like an Author decision with SM going like "crap I already had Bella go to Florida and do the Renee thing, I don't have anything else to do with her" and made up an excuse for her NOT to come more than anything character-driven by Renee, who DID instantly come to Phoenix when Bella was injured in Twilight and DID come in New Moon when Bella was depressed). But in Life & Death and Midnight Sun it seems SM is fully all-in on the No, Renee Legitimately Sucks thing. Originally I just read it as "extroverted type B mom not the type of mom introverted type A daughter would prefer" vs "actual nightmare neglectful narcissist."

So if we make Bella someone who actively LONGED for a mother-figure, who was not only missing that in her life but WANTING it, Esme might have been more relevant. But because SM tried to make Bella SO MATURE and SO ADULT by calling her parents be their first names I never quite bought into this idea that she 'needed' Esme or would cling to her as a mother. Also just like, Breaking Dawn. All of Breaking Dawn. Why was the baby thing only centered on Rosalie?? Esme's backstory is just as much about that! Esme had actually been pregnant! Actually had a baby! Hell, Esme ran away to protect her unborn baby from its father--there are parallels there with Bella recruiting Rosalie as a bodyguard. And we get . . . absolutely nothing. Zip. Nada. Esme just flits about and looks worried and that's about it. The movie at least tried to make her more of a presence and a force, at the insistence of Elizabeth Reaser. Esme could have been a much bigger player in BD.

One easy thing to make these characters feel more relevant that would take like zero effort on SM's part is have some of the BD witnesses be Emmett's friends or Esme's friends rather than them literally all being Carlisle's. You're telling me affable dudebro Emmett doesn't have some dudebro and himbo vampire friends? Get out of here. Give me a vampire frat pack who play blood pong. Maybe there's another Sasha Denali type vampire mother out there whom Esme made friends with and appeals to her for help.

The other thing is that maybe it would have been nice if one single plot point wasn't about Bella or her kid? If some vampire who had beef with Emmett or something showed up and was causing trouble and Vampire Bella protected everyone from THAT, when it wasn't about her, that seems more impressive and heroic to me? And better payback for all the times Cullens protected her. And it would make Emmett (or whoever) a more integral part of the story, and we could learn more about him as we get the backstory on whatever happened between this vampire he pissed off and him. Or like Maria showing up. Or someone from Esme's past. Or literally anything. Bella can be the main character without every. single. plot. point. revolving around her. The closest we get to this is the James/Alice thing, but that doesn't really go anywhere in the end. And even Victoria's revenge is weirdly about Bella, "A mate for a mate." Cool, but Edward didn't kill James!! Emmett and Jasper did! So why does she want to inflict pain on EDWARD? Clearly because they're the main characters (and a human is an easier target than Rosalie or Alice I guess, haha).

[dokifluffs]

Your Ex Wanting You Back | Ushijima, Bokuto, Kuroo

Pairing: Ushijima X Reader (gender neutral), Bokuto X Reader (gender neutral), Kuroo X Reader (gender neutral) 

Genre: angsty, love

Request: “can i request a hc to your ex wanting you back while you’re with them..? for bokuto, kuroo, ushijima? tysm i love your writing” -anon

Author’s Note: omg I loved writing this sm and I added an angsty, bad relationship past with Y/N and the ex teheh. Thanks for requesting, anon! Hope you all enjoy!! 

Warnings: implementations of manipulation of money (Ushijima), Black mailing (Bokuto), and verbal abuse (Kuroo) ((Also, their names is not THEM doing that to y/n, it’s what their y/n experienced with their ex)) 

Ushijima: 

Arriving at the gym a bit early, you stood near the doors where the teams would be entering so you could wish Ushijima the best of luck

Though he didn’t really need it with his skill and raw strength but it was the thought that counts

The audience slowly began to take their seats, chatter filling up the spacious gym as the teams entered

You suddenly felt hands crawl up your sides, making a smile spread across your features

“Ush- you,” the smile faded when you turned around to find your ex instead of the loving boyfriend you were with

“Since you’re here, why don’t we catch up, hm?” He asked with his hands still on you, his fingers squeezing your side

This made you feel very uncomfortable since it brought up bitter memories you had with this guy

His lies came out as easy as breathing to him and it made you sick

The countless number of hours you wasted being with him, thinking he actually cared about you when all he cared about was using you for his own benefits

The cigarettes he was able to buy with the money he “borrowed”

All your emotions you thought you left behind you suddenly churned inside of you, making you feel sick seeing his face so close to your face once again

His Smokey breath right in your face

“Get off of me,” you demanded as you tried to pry his hands off of you but he was strong

It made you remember the grasp he had on you and how sour things ended between you two but it was for the best of course

“Don’t be like that, bab-“

“They said to stop.”

A strong latch was held onto his wrist forcing him to release you

“Hey, who do you-“ the words stopped from his lips as he turned around to look up, seeing the Ushijima

He looked down to him with his stoic eyes as well as his team looking from behind their captain with their piercing and intimidating eyes

Y/n protection squad has arrived

He knew exactly who this man before you was

Those nights he held you close in his arms to soothe you of your sadness and the pain he inflicted on you

Ushijima usually felt neutral to everyone but he was disgusted by him

���Don’t come near them again,” his voice low as his rumbled in his throat

With that said, the guy scrambled off and his team continued into the gym to follow their warm ups while Ushijima stayed behind

“Are you okay?” He asked placing a hand to your shoulder

“Yeah, thanks,” you gave him a relieved smile as you took his hand from your shoulder into yours

“Good luck today. Win another one,” you said as you pressed a kiss to the back of his hand

His lips pulled into a thin smile as he nodded before joining the rest of the team with their stretches

Bokuto (ft. Akaashi): 

The sun was hot as it beamed down on you and a few of the other managers from other teams as you all took your turns to fill up the water bottles for the teams

The gym felt hotter on the inside since there was poor air circulation and it didn’t mix well with five high school volleyball teams playing for almost the entire day

But it was all for the better to help their skills as players and bonds as a team

You chatted with the other managers about the teams until it was finally your turn to fill up the water bottles for your team, Fukurodani

“You guys don’t have to wait for me,” you said as you waved off to them as they carried their water caddies, bringing them back to the sweltering gym

As you turned, back toward the faucet, you were met with a sudden chest that made you fall back, knocking some of your bottles to the ground

“Y/N, what a coincidence to see you here,” the silky voice of your ex made chills run up your spine as he squatted down to your level

“You looks so cute with that expression on your face,” his hand holding your jaw with his sinful eyes looking into your eyes, taking in the shaken look over your features

You shook out of his grasp, picking up the water bottles all around you so you could fill up your bottles and be on your way

You could hear your heart racing in your chest and the cold feel of fear spreading in your chest making goosebumps rise over your skin in the heat

“Do you want to model again for me?” He asked dangerously close to your ear

“Please go away,” you moved away, trying your best to fill up the bottles

“Oh come on, those pictures I took of you were beautiful,” his voice sensual in your ears, it brought up all the shameful memories

How were you so naive you didn’t realize how wrong things were before it got so bad

“What do you think you’re doing here,” the sound of Bokuto’s voice pulled you out of the dark as he grabbed the guy’s shoulder from behind, forcefully pushing him away from you

The guy was rendered useless seeing Bokuto with Akaashi behind him knowing he wouldn’t win if he got into a fight

“I strongly suggest you leave,” Akaashi spoke straightforwardly

“Tch, whatever” he spit as he carried on his way, away from the three of you

You let out a visibly relieving sigh as you looked up to the sky to blink away the tears you felt stinging at your eyes

“I’m here,” Bokuto’s voice was much softer with you along with his touch as he took you into his arms despite how sweaty he was

But you didn’t care

He was the one in your life, not that revolting excuse of a human

Akaashi and Bokuto helped you finish filling the bottles and carried them back to the team, cheering you up by telling you the weird dance the Karasuno team as they chanted about meat for some reason

Kuroo (ft. Kenma): 

The sky was a beautiful mix of golds and rich oranges as the sun was on its journey to set beyond the horizon, making way for the early night

You walked with Kenma and Kuroo as the three of you walked to the convenience store for some drinks after their practice

You listened intently in the good atmosphere around with your best friends and your love, Kuroo as he told you about how funny Lev was when he failed syncing with Kenma’s sets

This got Kenma to sigh, going on a little tangent as he continued to walk and play on his device

Your bright laughter lifted their energy a bit more and Kuroo loved your laugh

It made it felt like nothing could go wrong in the world

You waited outside the store as the two went in to get drinks and you watched the horizon, taking a picture of the golden sunset, your eyes wide at the beauty of nature

“I see you’re still taking those stupid pictures,” the sound of scoffing was right in your ear

You flinched automatically away from the voice as you turned to see him again

And it suddenly felt like a wound was opening in your chest. A wound you thought closed when Kuroo helped mend it

How was he able to rip it open it easily

“Aw, don’t give me that look, Y/N. I’ve missed you,” he said as he slowly took steps toward you as you instinctively stepped backs the words you wanted to say to him stuck in your throat

But what did you want to say when he was always able to turn the words back to you, the venom rolling off his tongue

“Haven’t you missed me too?” He asked, his face dangerously close to yours as he backed you against a telephone pole on the side of the street, one arm over your head while his other tucked in his pocket

“I know you have,” he purred, smirking devilishly as the hand that was resting above your head cane down to stroke your face

“Don’t touch them,” Kuroo spoke with a sweet sound in his voice, a smile on his face but you could feel his anger

You had told him and called him countless times when you woke up at night cause of he words your ex had seared into your mind about you

All were false but words had a way with sticking

The hold he had on the guy’s hand was almost bone crushing as he controlled his temper around the guy who had hurt you so badly

He never wanted to see him and he never wanted to see you so sad

He wanted to see the smile you were able to show him after a long time

“Oh? And what’re you gonna do?” He mistakingly asked

“I’ll show you something to be scared of, you piece of trash,” Kuroo cursed as he squeezed the guy’s hand until his knuckles were white, his entire demeanor different as he sent a death glare at the guy

“Alright, alright,” he finally piped up, trying to hide the clear pain Kuroo was putting on his hand

Kuroo let him go and watched him go off, sending him a glare when he looked back, standing in front of you so he couldn’t even see you

“Let’s go home,” his aura lighter around you as he handed you a drink nonchalantly, holding you close with his arm wrapped around your shoulders protectively

~~~~~ Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else! 

Tags (send me an ask if you wanna be added): @yams046​ @mazey-chan​ @sunboikyo00​

[najatheangel]

[𝟐:𝟒𝟓𝐩𝐦]

pairing: liu yangyang x reader.

genre: slight angst + fluff

summary: After a long tough day dealing with customers at work, Yang Yang suprises you at your favorite fountain spot in the park. After all he’s done for you as your neighbor and best friend, you start to realize how much he means to you, but of course he doesn’t know that.

“Y/N I think you should leave early to clear your head. I’ll take care of the rest from here.”

Your boss noticed the whole day that you were on the verge of tears from the last customer that complained and yelled at you for bringing the wrong dress size. The customer went too far as to bash your character by saying “Why do you hire dumb people like her? She’s not experienced enough to work in a place like this!”

“Thanks so much Yoona I promise that I’ll get it together.” You give your boss the tightest hug before leaving your favorite clothing store with your head held high.

Lately you’ve been stressing out from managing school, helping raise your younger siblings along with your dad and working part time to save money for fashion design school. You and Yang Yang have your special happy place where you release your worries and to escape from the problems in your lives.

It was the spot where you first met yang yang he was dealing with a lot of personal issues during his trainee days and it just so happened that the two of you coped through the pain together. His life was much brighter ever since you were in it.

After that day you and yang yang grew very close and even lived next to each other a one point. You were inseparable ever since you were in middle school, but once he made it into SM you haven’t got to see much of yang yang except for phone calls and texts.

This time you walked from your job to the happy place, but this time on your own reaching your biggest breaking point of your life. You were growing up dealing with a lot of ups and downs on your own so you wanted to try to stay strong, but eventually you broke down in front of the fountain bursting into tears.

“Yang yang I know your on tour having the time of your life right now, but I really wish I can see you right now.”

You stand back up flipping your coin into the fountain praying that some miracle would happen, but once 3:30 have hit you’ve decided to go back home.

You were ready to grab your purse and turn back around with your head back on the ground, but someone in a light green matching hoodie with your initials on it slowly walks towards you with a bouquet of flowers and the biggest smile on his face.

“What brings you here my little munchkin? Are you crying again?” You guessed it, it was no other than Yang Yang himself teasing you like he always do.

You ran up to him before he can spit out another word in surprised by how emotional you are in front of him. Normally when you guys meet up it’s always constant bickering and fooling around, but this time was different and more difficult to face him because of how much your going through right now.

“Yang yang you have no idea how badly I needed you here. I’m just so overwhelmed and the only place I could think of to clear my head was here.”

Yang yang hated how sad you got overtime without him being in town like the good old days, but he knew today was a good time to come back and spend these last few hours with you before he has to go back. It’s now or never.

“I know growing up it seems more scary without being right next to you and I’m sorry I’ve missed so much y/n. If there’s anything I can do to make it up, just say the word.”

You know deep down in your heart you want to confess how hard you fell for him and wish today you can make it official, but it would be rushed and not the right time to make your friendship more complicated than it already is. So you simply smiled and said...

“We’ll just having you here is enough for me. I’ve used my last penny on this fountain to bring you here so just spend these last few hours with me mkay?”

Yang yang ruffles your curly hair and giggles even more surprised at your bold request. “I know Ms. y/n is not asking me out on a Friday night in front of the fountain. If so, I’m so down. Karaoke?”

You link arms with him and nod your head getting excited. “Mhmmm let’s go! Let me grab my purse real quick.”

You ran off to the bench to grab your purse while yang yang looks down at his reflection in the fountain. He grabs a quarter out of his pocket to finally make his wish and starts to think to himself.

“I wish someday that my future girlfriend ends up being y/n and I hope nothing will change between us.” He kisses the quarter before flipping it in the fountain.

“I’ll make sure that wish comes true and finally stay together like this just like before. You just wait...”

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭🏷: @thechoppersan @starrdustville @dundun-baby @xxminmixx @purplepsycho03

Send me a ask if you want to be added or removed from the tag list. 💫💫💫

[datk-popblog]

Imagine...

NCT Dream as Your Boyfriend

(not a request! I thought I’d do a little write write for you guys haha❤️)

Renjun:

He’s such a loving boyfriend. Like he’d do anything to show his affection for/towards you.

Whenever he’s super busy with comebacks or just work in general; he’ll ALWAYS make up for it.

Like for example. If he missed 5 days to spend time with you, he would spend 5 days on little dates with you. It’s the little things he does.

The boys always mention how much he talks about you and omg he gushes everytime.

“What can I say? I’m obsessed with her!”

Cute little nicknames for you like “lovely,” “Buggy bear,” “Honey bee,” and “Doll face”

He likes to make you dinner a lot. Like a lot a lot.

“This is the fourth time you’ve made me dinner in the same week, babe.” “I can’t let my wifey starve!”

He was the type to get your relationship very open to the members but very secret in public.

Renjun always wants to protect you from the hateful critics and what they have to say about your guy’s relationship.

When it came to meeting each other’s parents; man oh man he was a wreck.

“Are they gonna like me? Especially your dad! I have to look very clean and nicely dressed. I can’t look like a jerk!”

He wouldn’t shut up about how nervous he was gonna be the entire ride. It got so bad it started making you overwhelmed and nervous😭

On his days off, he literally took you anywhere you wanted to go.

The spa? He’d get a mani pedi to pamper himself too because he’s a supportive boyfriend so why tf not.

Even dates to the amusement park? Like one day he’d be like “it’s my day off, so, let’s go to the park.”

Even dates to South Korea’s fanciest restaurants like omg.

THIS BOY LOVES TF OUT OF YOU ITS BEYOND.

When it’s sexy time, he knows what you like and how you like it delivered.

One day he found out you can squirt and he’s literally been making you squirt over and over ever since.

Yeah, Renjun looks very innocent on the outside with a dash of glitter to him; but when you two are alone he MANHANDLES the fuck out of you.

Sometimes he doesn’t mean to hurt you. He just is really rough and it comes off super duper aggressive.

After sexy time, he ALWAYS ALWAYS makes sure to nut in your mouth. Whatever position you guys are in, he’ll turn you around or stand you up.

He just loves watching his liquids drip from your lips. He gets off looking at it.

After sex, he’d cuddle you so so hard. Like he’d fuck the hell out of you, but wants to be little spoon? Like dude wtf

“I love you soooo much my lovely.”

Ugh omg just hold this boy and cherish him

Jeno:

He’s such a tease boyfriend and it SHOWS.

He likes to brag about how hot you two look together (and y’all do look hot PAUSE)

“That’s my baby. Her fine self!”

He enjoys bringing you to his practices. He knows you like to watch him dance

Sometimes you’ll be there at the studio for hours and you’ll get super tired.

“I’m sorry I’m taking long baby girl. We’ll be home together soon.” He’d tell you then go back to practicing

The one special thing about Jeno is that he’s soooo reassuring. From little compliments to accomplishments.

He loves to praise you for how much you’ve done and how good you take care of him

“I love you so much. You’ve done everything for me.”

Like if you passed a test or something from school, he’d take you on a date.

Even if you didn’t pass the test he’d still treat you because he loves you so much!

Jeno likes to leave little love notes around your guy’s room. It’s like a scavenger hunt. You’ll find them behind the tv, under your pillow and bed, in your shirt drawer. Literally everywhere.

When it came to announcing your relationship to the world, he wasn’t afraid. He did NOT care at all. Regardless of what the company said. SM told him to wait at least one year and he did it after 6 months.

“I know you’re meant to be my forever. I can feel it in my heart, babe. I know you are.”

When it came to sex, he was super super sweet and slow. He loved taking his time with you. He wasn’t dominant but was when it was the right time.

Lovesssssssss to suck your toes.(IK ITS WEIRD BUT HE LOVES IT!!!!) He loves tf out of your feet???

For your guy’s first time, Jeno put roses on the bed and serenaded you with a guitar and literally had you meLTINGGG.

“I love you so much. Whenever you’re ready; I’m ready.”

He liked for you to be dominant sometimes but would never force you. He never forces you into doing stuff you never wanna do; especially during sex (or in general)

After sexy time, it was shower time together.

You both just hugged one another in the shower and let the water run over you both. And during all this, his thick arms just embraced your frame.

When you were in his arms you felt loved and at home.

“You know I love you right?” “You tell me all the time, Jeno. I’m aware.” “I just love saying it.”

(Jeno is my bias so this made me feel so lonely writing his section. I hate it here😭)

Haechan:

Haechan is known as the sassy one but in the relationship that’s literally how he is. It’s the Gemini in him.

Don’t be surprised if sometimes he has an attitude. He just had a bad day at work.

“I don’t mean to yell or snap at you. You know I love you, baby.” And he’d hold you so so tight

You guys wouldn’t ever argue sometimes but if you did you both would ignore each other.

Then the other mates would have to fix the issue with you both.

“If you guys don’t stop with the petty shit!” -Renjun

Haechan LOVES your kisses.

If you didn’t kiss him in a certain amount of time he’d fake cry and stomp his feet.

“Jagi~~!! I need your kis-“ “omg there. Be quiet”

When he was gone for work (for literal months) it was so hard for you guys to maintain a good long distance relationship.

You guys would FaceTime all the time but it was never the same because you wanted him in person.

“I don’t know the next time I’m able to see your face. I miss you a lot though, baby girl.”

You would see Haechan all the time and how good he was doing on the web but omg YOU MISSED YOUR BABY

Occasionally he’d come back home and stay with you for as long as he needed to.

“You should travel with me and sing with the group. A female touch would be awesome.” “Haechan, I love you, but I’m not singing with 127.”

Soon enough he convinced SM to bring you wherever he went so now you’re with the boys. All. The. Time.

“You’re my new assistant, Y/N. I demand a bottle of water.” “Kiss my ass, Haechan”

SEXY time with Haechan ooooooo chile

He likes to lift you up and hold you against the wall and kiss your neck.

Or even doggy style. Haechan just loves the view from the back.

Whenever he hits it from the back, he digs his fingers right at the bottom of your back. Or even grabs your shoulders to go in deeper.

You only know when he’s close when his body starts slowing down and you feel his body jerk.

“I wanna nut in you so badly, Y/N!” “Well don’t do that.”

Eventually he nutted in you and you had to take a plan B. So that’s that

“I told you not to do that to me, babe.” “I couldn’t just hold it back. It came out.”

After 10 months of dating, he bought you a promise ring. Seems quick but he KNEW it was meant to be. He’s not letting you go; no matter what.

“Soon, I’m gonna turn that ring into an engagement ring.” Haechan smiles

Jaemin:

I don’t think I��ve ever seen someone more affectionate than Na Jaemin

He’s such a loving boyfriend like super loving

Before you would go to work, he would pack your lunch and make sure to add little hearts and notes in your lunch-bag

His little notes would say something like: “I love you so much my honey bear,” “Have an amazing day at work. DONT overwork yourself.”

LITERALLY SO AFFECTIONATE

If you went somewhere without him, he would be a little offended but would end his disagreement w/ a “text me when you get there. I love you.”

and holy fuck if you did NOT text him, he’d lose his mind

you guys have each other’s locations

THATS WHEN YOU KNOW ITS REAL AND LEGIT

when Jisung was around, it was literally a competition for whoever gets Jaemin first.

Jaemin would occasionally pick Jisung over you. He’s fake and it shows

“where’s all the love and attention I need?” You call out.

“Baby, you have to wait your turn.” -Jaemin

when you guys argued, he would literally feel so guilty. especially if you had reasons to be pissed off.

like you would have receipts and he’d just cry. not to play victim, but because he wouldn’t ever want to hurt you emotionally, or physically.

“I’m really sorry...I promise I won’t do it again.”

he made it up by kissing you endlessly.

sexy time with Jaemin was everything you desired it to be

little comments in-between sex like: “i love you princess,” or “do i make you feel good?” 

UGH WE LOVE TO SEE IT

okay but Jaemin is more of the submissive type. he rarely gets dominant with you.

“i’m tired of riding you jaemin. my legs hurt.” “don’t worry, babe. lay down.”

like he KNOWS how to put it down

like he knows what he be doing too like wtf man

Jaemin makes dinner practically every night. this man is never not cooking.

“do you want pork or soup tonight?” “how about pork IN the soup?” “Y/N, I love your thinking.”

HE EVEN MAKES SURE YOU HAVE A NAPKIN ON YOUR LAP SO YOU DON’T SPILL ANYTHING HOT ON YOURSELF

Jaemin as your boyfriend>>>>>>anything else

Chenle:

HE IS SOOOO LOVING!!!!!!!

Chenle likes to wake you up with breakfast in bed

even though sometimes he can burn the food or miss an ingredient

“how does it taste, baby girl?” you smiled and kissed him

“I LOVE IT!”

Chenle was very very giving

he would always buy you something (RICH CHENLE CHECK)

little trips to the mall, coffee shops, jewelry stores

“babe do you want this?” “Chenle, I don’t need-” “Grab it. I’ll get it for you”

he brags to the dreamies about you ALLLLLL THEEEEEE TIMEEEEE

“you see Y/N as my lock-screen? isn’t she so frickn beautiful!”

“Chenle, you’ve mentioned Y/N about a hundred times” -Haechan

“And I don’t regret it.”

if you guys are far away from each other he’ll always ft you. there’s never not one day he’s not talking to you

“holy shit. I miss you so much. I’m going insane!” “Chenle, it’s just three more weeks.” “I can’t even go 3 minutes without thinking about you.”

since you guys have a studio apartment together in South Korea, he does surprise pop up visits

he’ll literally be sitting on the couch and scare the shit out of you

“Chenle, you didn’t tell me when you were gonna be home!” “I thought I’d surprise you when you come home from work.”

When he came home, you guys made love. Like he was holding it in for YEARS!!!

Chenle is rough af when the times right. Like especially when he hasn’t seen you in so long.

“Tell me when to slow down. I don’t wanna hurt you.” He whispers in your ear

He likes to kiss your neck and leave hickies when he’s on top. HE ENJOYS LEAVING MARKS ON YOU

He’s very demanding

“Tell me you love me. Tell me, Y/N. Say it, baby.”

Sometimes he gets tired and makes you ride him. And when you slow down, he grabs the fUCK OUT OF YOUR HIPS

“Chenle, I cant go any faster. My thighs hurt.” “Here let me help you.” AND BOOM. HES ON BEAST MODE

As soon as you guys finish, he cuddles you so hard and rubs your booty. He doesn’t care to put boxers on after sex because he’s just so comfortable

“That was so amazing. When’s the last time we’ve done something that well together?” “Chenle, I don’t know. You’ve been gone for 3 months.”

“Yeah but how’d you get so well.” “Chenle what?!”😭😭

If you guys rest long enough; he goes for round two. There’s nothing holding this kid back. HE WILL FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU BC HE MISSED YOU

If you guys ever have small arguments it would literally be for five minutes and boom. You guys are best friends????

he hates arguing with you because he feels it’s a “waste of time” and it “emotionally hurts the relationship”

which he’s not wrong because who would want their relationship ruined on stupid arguments

“Y/N quit ignoring me and make out with me.”

This KIDS ALWAYS IN THE MOOD FOR YOU

he’s just never around you anymore so it’s just a bunch of orgasms built up

Chenle is awesome in all the right ways. This kid is the best boyfriend.

Jisung:

I’m pretty sure Jisung has told you and other people hundreds of times he’s gonna marry you.

“you have no idea how much I fucking I adore you, Y/N.”

yeah he’s the baby of the group, but you’re HIS baby.

“Jagi! You have to eat something! I’m not letting you go anywhere til you eat!”

he’s very very caring. sometimes he doesn’t show it in a talking way, but through his actions; it speaks so much louder.

Jisung can be a little awkward sometimes. especially around the members.

If you were to kiss him when the dreamers were there, he would get super red and would be on hush mode.

“Jagiiiii~ You aren’t supposed to do that. You know how I feel.” “But you and I both know how much you love it.” You smiled

when he first met your family, he was very scared. I mean like sweating through his dress shirt scared.

“Jisung, baby. they’re gonna like you a lot, okay? Don’t be so nervous.” “Yeah, but what if they ask me a question and I don’t respond? Imagine if your dad asks me what my intentions are with you? What the fuck am I gonna say?”

DONT WORRY. HE KNOWS WHAT TO SAY HES JUST SCARED AF I-

he literally shakes when he meets your mom but not your dad???

after he met the fam, they loved him a lot

Jisung is the sweetest person how can anyone NOT love him. like cmon

when you guys came out to the public, he took you E V E R Y W H E R E

and i mean everywhere

You were his date to music awards, debut stages, game/talk shows, etc.

Jisung loved bringing you everywhere with him. He says it makes him feel safe and at home every time he’s with you

(i wish someone felt that way about me. ima cry)

(this next part im NOT getting into detail. ik how lots of you feel about baby Jisung therefore it’ll be not so r-rated)

love making with Jisung is the softest thing ever.

before he does ANYTHING to your body, he ALWAYS makes sure you’re okay with it.

“Baby, you know I’ll always put your feelings first. I love you.”

He wasn’t rough(unless you asked or begged) he was always gentle

whenever he was on top, he liked to bury his face into your neck and give you neck kisses and soft nip at your ear

whenever you rode him, he’d just grab your hips and does the work for you. he knows how tiring it can be for your thighs so he goes all out by helping

his soft mOANS ARE TO DIE FOR. like literally he lets loose when it’s private time

moral of the story; find yourself a Jisung bc you won’t regret it.

----

It’s been WAY too long since I posted. I’ve been working full-time at my job now and saving up for a car ! Im super excited for myself guys omgggg. I missed you guys so so much

xoxo Jay

[andorlorian]

ok because I am mad at star wars: here's what I consider to be canon in star wars, in order from most canon to least canon, based on how much I like it and vibes. I won't be including things that I haven't seen or haven't come out yet. 

(lol this got really long and i want to keep it pinned so i can find it easily to edit so the actual content is going under a read more)

obviously the original trilogy is #1 on this list. it was the Blueprint. and aside from being the first it’s also the best. comfort movies i love them so much

jedi: fallen order (YES it is this high on the list I just finished the game three minutes ago and I'm fully deceased this is probably my favorite star wars thing ever)

rogue one is my personal favorite star wars movie. point blank bar none beautiful wonderful incredible movie. the moment with cassian and jyn at the end, just content to be in each other's space.... I'm in awe. CINEMA. perfection. beautiful.

andor is directly after this because it was absolutely incredible and everything i’ve ever wanted from star wars

revenge of the sith novelization by matthew stover. he invented literature idk what to tell you

2d animated clone wars. it is so fun everyone in that show is girlbossing to the extreme & i love it sm

the mandalorian season 1. stunning spectacular wonderful that’s everything i needed

the clone wars (2008-2020). this show single-handedly saved the star wars franchise which I find fascinating and incredible, and is the reason I now have star wars brainrot. ahsoka is and always has been my favorite out of all star wars ever

the book of boba fett episodes 1 & 2. forever riding the high of boba fett dancing with the tuskens. also i don't remember if boba's rancor was in the first two episodes but he's up here too

master and apprentice. really really good book, claudia gray knocked it out of the park. I love getting to know more about qui-gon and his relationship with obi-wan. also pax and rahara my beloveds

the phineas and ferb star wars special (i'm being 100% serious here)

I'm just going to do all the books at once unless I really like one. (this is also in order.) lost stars by claudia gray, kenobi by john jackson miller, queen's shadow by e.k. johnston, leia princess of alderaan by claudia gray, ahsoka by e.k. johnston

the prequels, but only in the sense that the big overarching plot points are canon to me. like for example anakin and padmé absolutely fall in love but in my heart they way they interacted was much different because george lucas doesn't know how to write romance

star wars rebels (ezra come home I miss u)

tarre vizsla origin story. it doesn't exist yet but I'm manifesting it. I want it so badly tarre vizsla my beloved

the original episode ix script: duel of the fates. while i am aware this is the script for a movie that will never exist or be acknowledged, i just love it so much. rey solana journeys on

solo: a star wars story! I think this movie is really fun and I enjoy it a lot. I really like han's characterization, especially the contrast between where he was at the beginning of this movie and where he was at the beginning of a new hope.

kenobi: meh it was alright. tiny leia was cute

the mandalorian seasons 2-3. now what was all that

the book of boba fett episodes 3-7. haven't watched the most recent episode but holy fuck how did it go off the rails so fast!! I love boba fett sm tho so anything with him has to be higher than the sequels at least

about 70% of the force awakens. this is probably my personal second favorite star wars movie. I love rey and I love finn and I love poe so much

the lego star wars christmas special

about 40% of the last jedi (i actually love this movie but it is very deeply flawed, i would change massive pieces of it if im being honest. it's the new moon of the star wars franchise)

absolutely none of the rise of skywalker except for the scene where rey, finn, and poe are hugging, so relieved to be back together and safe.

the bad batch

honorable mentions include every single thing tumblr user husborth has ever said or written, incorrectdisasterlineage's quotes, and that padmé didn't die in rots and helped to found the rebellion

[eeunoia]

An Idol’s Girl | l.ty

Note ⚠⚠⚠ : This will be my first blog so I’m sorry if it’s not good??? I really just can’t help but to write this ehe. Adios.

Summary: Y/N as a trainee and Lee Taeyong as her boyfriend. Kind of sum up everything.

This is so terrible but I can’t stop myself from writing this and posting it so rip to those who will encounter this to their newsfeeds??? hehehe. Don;t hate me tho, I’m like new to all of this so bare with me??

"To the world, NCT! Annyeonghaseyo NCT-imnida." I smiled as I watched them bow their heads in front of their fans. My eyes stared from the first boy from the left up until to the last one. They sure crowd the whole stage with all of their members.

I can say that SM Entertainment's future will really be bright because of them. With their visual like faces and their unbelievable talents, they will surely be remarkable.

Everyone's eye catching I can say that, but one man surely captured my eyes and my heart.

I smiled when he slightly caught me staring, Lee Taeyong. He was smiling while waving at their fans but when we locked our eyes, his smile disappeared for a while.

I pursed my lips as that hurt me. Why am I even surprised? And why the hell did I went here even though I know he won't be happy with it?

I sighed heavily as I slowly squished myself out of their loud fans. They were screaming and pushing each other but luckily, I made it out alive and a whole piece.

When I was already making my way out of the venue my phone rang so I fished it out from my pocket as I slightly hugged myself because of the cold breeze.

"Hello?"

"Where are you right now, Y/n? Did you make it in NCT's showcase?"

I smiled when I heard Jiguem Unnie's voice at the other line. She's a trainee from the Sm Entertainment together with me. We've known each other for years since we started training.

"Neh, but I'll be there in 15 minutes."

"Eh? Why?"

Of course she'll wonder why! The showcase is for 4 hours and I've been gone for only 1 hour.

I stayed silent, didn't really find the right words to say. I heard her heavy sigh and I knew she already figured out what happen.

"What did your asshole boyfriend did once again?"

The corner of my lips rose up not because I'm happy. But because of how I find things awful. He's my boyfriend and I'm just trying to support him.

"N-Nothing," i almost hit myself in my imagination because I stuttered.

"You know what? I can't believe why you still endure that relationship of yours with Lee Taeyong when you can just break up with him."

"I love him." that's the sad fact here. I love Taeyong but I'm not sure if he still feel the same way towards me.

We met the first time when our President wants the trainees to perform in one of the company's family concert. We were thrilled when we first heard about it. It will be the time Sm Ent. will introduce their trainees.

So all of us were gathered in one of the meeting halls to discuss about the said event. There is where I met him. I didn't like him at first because I don't like the way he makes me nervous.

With his visual that looks like he's been pulled off from an anime, he surely looks unreal. He have this sharp features that made him look intimidating.

It was hard for me to get close with him when I find it easy with the others. I'm a very friendly person and I get along with other people pretty well so I find it odd for me to feel different around him. That's when I realize I like him.

After a month of knowing each other, Jaehyun told me that Taeyong wanted to be close to me. I didn't believed it at first as I never saw him try. But then he started showing interest at me. He asked me out in coffee dates during our free days. It was fun!

Soon we slowly grew feelings for each other that pretty much led into a relationship. It was great actually. The first three months were just us showing how much we cared for one another. The management even knows about us and didn't really went against. I was close with his co-trainees as well.

We were doing fine until they started getting busy for their debut as NCT U. I was very excited for him and really rooting for his success. I knew how hardworking he is so he deserves this.

But as he slowly approach his dream, thats when we grew apart. We started hanging out less. I understand it of course. We started having big fights that led me to sleepless nights.

Our relationship went from a happy one to a dull commitment. My friends kept on telling me to just let him go because they think it's just not meant to be, but I'm just stubborn. I want to hold on. I don't know why, but I want to.

"Still no text?" I glanced over one of my co-trainee when she asked me that. She probably noticed I've been checking my phone too many times today.

I shook my head slowly and pouted my lips because of unhappy feeling that I've felt.

"Maybe he's just busy, Y/n-ah." Jiguem unnie said trying to lighten up my mood.

"I'm texting Mark, he said they're not busy today." Koeun said frankly.

I sighed heavily as it slowly sink into me. I get it! He's avoiding me. But I just don't know his reason! I can't remember that we argue about something? The last time we talk is me saying good luck for their comeback! I even let him do as he please, I don't confront him for all the days he's been so cold to me. I let that pass since I want him to focus with his comeback.

"Maybe he's cheating behind your back?" My thoughts were interrupted by one of the other trainees. We all looked at her in unison.

"(Trainee name)!" the other trainees called out her name with their warning tone. I saw how she just gave us a shrug.

I'm close to all of them and they're all just worried about me. They don't want Taeyong taking me for granted.

"What? We can't just feed Y/n lies! We have to be honest here. We all know her boyfriend is being an asshole so if he's cheating behind her back won't shock me at all." She said then rolled her eyes.

I understand her. She cares for me that's why she's like that. She doesn't want me to be hurt.

I unconsciously bit my nails as the possibility suddenly kicks in my thought. My heard thump in distress as I silently wish it won't be true. I knew for some reason that he loves me. Not as much as I probably love him but I'm sure he still loves me, right? I mean he won't stay in a relationship with me if he doesn't.

"Just confront him about it. Ask him why he's acting this way." Jiguem unnie suggested that I ended up just agreeing to. I don't have a choice because I also think that will be the best decision to do right now.

________

I'm here waiting for him outside their apartment building. It's just a couple of blocks away from where we're staying so I just walked myself here. It's already night time so nobody's around. The streets are dead silent and almost scary if it wasn't for the peaceful vibe.

I breath in some fresh air and tried to sit at the corner to wait for him. Jaehyun said that Taeyong usually go in the convenient store during this time to avoid people so he'll be out anytime soon.

I snapped my head over the other side when I heard some noise and there he is. Lee Taeyong wearing his hoody and a sweat pants. He didn't have his hood on so it was easy for me to notice his bright red hair color.

I smiled at the sight of him and felt how I badly I missed him. I was about to walk towards him but my steps halted when I saw him happily talking through his phone. Who is he talking to?

"Taeyong oppa." I called him. He looked at me and his smile slowly fades.

"I'll call you again." He said. He hangs up then looked at me. I wanted to ask who it was but I just want to hug him. I haven't seen him for weeks!

"Y/n? What are you doing here?" There isn't a smiling Taeyong anymore. Now, only a slightly mad with furrowing brows Taeyong is present.

"Jaehyun oppa said you usually go out during this hour so I tried my luck and hoped I'll see you." I said then pout. I saw how he clenched his jaw then sighed heavily.

"Come on, I'll take you back to your dorm." I just gave him a nod before walking behind him.

At least I got to walk with him and spend a couple of minutes together, right?

The girls and I are now sharing a dorm since they're already planning our debut. Finally.

Since it wasn't that far, we arrived fast. I was pouting and a little sad since we haven't really talk even during the walk.

I faced him and bit my lip as I saw him staring at me intently. It wasn't the same way he stares at me but I don't care. I believe that I can still fix this. I can still fix us.

"Taeyong, can we hang out tomorrow?" I asked him smiling. He sighed.

"You know I can't be seen in public, right?"  He sounded a bit sarcastic that made me sad even more. He never been sarcastic to me before just when he wants to tease me.

"I didn't mean we go out in public places. We c-can hang out in the Sm Building like before." I said really trying to spend some time with him.

His eyes were cold while staring at me. Like as if he was staring at someone he doesn't know, someone he doesn't care about. And it hurst me. It hurts me big time.

"I'm busy. Why tomorrow?" he asked carelessly.

I felt my eyes heated up after what he asked and I just tried to pull up a smile so he won't notice it.

"Ah~ Nothing! Nevermind, thank you for walking me here and take care on your way back." I said then bowed my head before hurrying myself inside.

I sighed. A deep one. How come he always forgot our monthsary?

When I entered the dorm, they were all in the living room watching some kdrama. They were laughing but when they saw me, their mood changes up.

"What happened? Why are you back so early?" one of them asked.

"Where is Taeyong? Did you guys talk?"

"Hey, are you okay?" Jiguem unnie asked and it almost made me breakdown right there. But I stopped myself. I put so much trouble in us already. I don't want them getting messed up because of my emotions.

I tried smiling but I didn't know if it went well.

"I'm okay. I'll head to my room first." And I didn't wait for their response. I just walk my ass in my room like a lifeless creature.

When I made it inside the room felt quiet and empty. I hated it. I used to fill this room with laughter and giggles because of him but now it's plain... lifeless. Like me.

I was about to lay down when my phone beeped. I lazily fished it from my pocket and saw that Jaehyun sent me a message.

______________________________________________________________

Jaehyun

I think Taeyong is cheating behind your back, Y/n. I'm sorry.

Part 2

[leatherbookmarking]

I need more on your Su Minshan wife and child oc for reasons! (I once had thoughts on a post canon lxc going a bit depressed mad and escaping to Moling Su to try and find out why jgy trusted sms so much more than him, when that broke, and I just have a lot of feelings about post canon Moling Su and need to hear yours)

SORRY @ragless for replying to this ask (checks) 70 years later! i was being myself which is a very time-consuming activity.

ANYWAY yeah post canon moling su is super interesting because they’ve got, what, nothing? aside from teleportation talismans, which. is a lot. but also everyone hates them now and their sect leader is dead! and also sort of left his disciples in the burial mounds as soon as things went a little bit pear-shaped, so like, thanks, zongzhu! i really wonder what those disciples did later, like, did they bring them along to yunmeng, were they like, ok, we’re out, bye!, something else? so yeah, this is my jam.

and lxc going there, trying to find answers? get to know those people? get to know who su minshan was and why jgy picked a traitor over er-ge? dear god i can FEEL how reading such a fic would feel like, oh, one hell of summer holidays!!! god. god. love that. if you have a post on that, i’d love to know more!!

WIFE AND CHILD OCS in which i am like mxtx here because they still don’t have names. i’ll have to name them at some point, but nothing’s coming to me. welp. anyway, i was thinking -- why not make them both salty underdogs who bond about that? or maybe not even that, maybe they’re met by a sheer accident! perhaps barely established sect leader su was passing by another small sect’s house, and they had an unmarried daughter, and they were like, okay, we can work with that? except the daughter is older than sms and actually divorced, but sms really isn’t looking for love, what he needs is a helping hand, any, even just one (1) literal hand, so like, yep, there we go.

also hm that got rather long so i am going to put a cut right there

and as much as i love a previously underappreciated and unloved character finally being someones #1, here i’m interested in a... subversion? not exactly, of that. there’s no big romance, they don’t even gradually fall in love after getting married, slowly discovering that the other one is a good, sensitive person! no, they’re primarily partners. the wife is here to get out of the parents’ house and finally have her own place, he is here to establish a sect and also have his own place. they’re both black sheeps of the society, more or less, either because her husband didn’t like her or because he was scared and wanted to live, and they’re shitty reason to look down on someone, so they end up bonding anyway. once they’re a bit more established, they even have a daughter and i already love her, because she has her father’s narrow lips and her mother’s narrow eyes, essentially becoming the most suspicious-looking child ever devised. and she’s a frog girl, because frogs are cool.

now, about their situation post canon -- did sms even think to leave a letter, saying his wife and child and disciples didn’t know about his Schemes, and thus shouldn’t be judged for what he’s done? or maybe he knew no one would care about that anyway -- you don’t need to punish or be violent towards someone to ruin them, just not paying attention is enough? who are his disciples and what do they think? there has to be a reason why they’re in moling su and not, say, somewhere else, even if that reason is ‘well, they’re locals, so’. do they abandon the sect and try to join one that’s... not even more powerful or richer, just ‘less looked down upon by everyone and their grandma’s dog’?

the daughter, who’s like 5-7, is simply missing her father. what about the wife? does she have a too-late realization that she was in love with her husband, actually? or maybe she wasn’t, but loved him in her own way, and she’s both furious at this asshole for leaving her alone with all this mess (he didn’t even survive! he didn’t even go to fucking dongying with lianfang-zun, they both died! what’s the fucking point! how can you fuck up that badly, minshan!!!) and sad because there used to be someone living with her, sharing her bed and dinner table, and now he’s gone?

and now, the teleportation talismans, the masking spell etc? and here i will allow myself a digression, because: people say he’s a bad cultivator, but like, he’s unremarkable next to hanguang-jun, and who isn’t! wwx says in the novel himself that his cultivation is high. he knows his sword forms and guqin tunes, and i will never be not in awe of the guqin trick in burial mounds went. do you even just fucking play Evil Music in front of Music Masters Clan -- LAN QIREN, BABEY!!! -- and they don’t notice a thing because they think you’re just Bad? poetic cinema. poetic cinema. also, about that: in the drama, he uses a mask instead of a masking spell, but i’m really into the concept of someone who’s been ignored, feels unnoticed and invisible next to hanguang-jun™, dabbling in cultivation methods that use exactly that. i think i’ve mentioned somewhere at some point eloped xiyao using talismans/spells/something that doesn’t cover your face or alter it in any physical way, but makes it so anyone who looks at you has absolutely no idea what you look like. the epitome of unremarkable and ‘uh, they looked... normal?’. i think that would be super neat for moling su to develop. WEAPONIZED ‘eh, nothing special’.

anyway: so moling su have all that, except is it a known fact, or do they know su minshan just happened to vanish at some point? because i think teleportation is a very neat trick that can both help and make someone’s life hell, and su-furen would probably have a problem, because: should she take care of stuff, educating the disciples and essentially serving as a sect leader/regent (even though she’s not the best, either at cultivation, talismans or general sect-leading, she was a wife and that’s a separate soup of duties to fill), or should she look for (yet another) husband, for her own security and safety of her disciples? what about her daughter, though? she knows what people are like, she can’t just trust them to treat her well.

ETC, ETC, I JUST. it’s so interesting!! i accidentally gave myself moling su sect feelings, lol. also, i have this cracky idea of su-furen committing Microaggressions to the chief cultivator his excellency hanguang-jun, ranging from raising her eyebrow by one mm after something he’s said to using teleportation to butt into his night hunts, deal with the thing and quietly go home, and like. who would it be. jiang cheng. jiang cheng being kinda torn between (BIG SECT LEADER SCOFF) and ‘fuck, okay, that was entertaining, do that again’.

i don’t know how comprehensible this post was, but!! thanks for the ask, i got to ramble lol;;

[bethd0456]

hellooo lovely! i loved reading your response to my last ask - apparently tumblr is messing up my asks bc a lot of them haven’t been going through :( but let’s hope this one does! i’ve been seeing that you watch cherry magic, and it’s one of my favourite shows at the moment!! 💘 who’s your favourite character? mine is kurosawa personally, i relate so much to him and his gayness. also udon chan, the cutest little cat! what did you think of the last ep, wasn’t it so cute!!! (1/2)

i hope you’re doing well!!! i also wanted to ask what your favourite shows and ships are! i already have a vague idea formulating just by browsing through your blog and over our shared love of cherry magic, but i’d looove to hear your thoughts and your favourites!! wishing you the bestest day! 💘 - your secret santa (2/2)

Hiiiii!!!! I hope life is treating you well!

Omg I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! I hope you're ready for this MASSIVE answer and you don't get too bored reading this one!

CHERRY MAGIC!!!!!! It instantly became a comfort show for me, as it did for many others!

ADACHIADACHIADACHIADACHI. Adachi is 100% my fave. I never fully understood what a comfort character was. I was like, "yeah! I love Tine also!" But. Adachi is the definition of comfort for me. I see so much of myself in him! Everyone sees him and is like "babie. Must protecc." And honestly? Me too. How can one character be so damn CUTE??!?!? One of my favourite moments is him seeing Kurosawa after the almost-kiss. He just like, sees him, and gets so panicked 🥺 the way his arms just flail about makes me smile like an idiot.

But like, on a deeper level, this drama makes me believe I'm worthy of love. The idea that someone like Kurosawa could be THAT infatuated with you, even though you're an awkward virgin lmao. The point of watching these dramas is to get lost in a story, right? See a situation you want so badly but you know will never realistically happen? The entire premise of the show is just really enticing to me. I am Adachi, Adachi is me. Also, the thing he said in ep6 about not having a clear dream in life? Yeah. I felt that. I'm so envious of people who have passions they work so hard for, it gives them a form of purpose. Like Adachi, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a "daze". I feel like I don't really have any specific passions or skills that I want to develop into a career. Sometimes I just wish I had ambition. Adachi makes me feel so seen and like I'm not the only person who feels like this. The kinds of characters that usually make good protagonists are characters with a clear goal/passion. In most shows this obviously really works, but I can never relate to them personally. It's really special for me to see a character who's similar to me in this way.

Kurosawa is such an amazing character too!!!!! His gay little heart 🥺 on another level, he's just so?? Respectful??? 7. YEARS. 7 years of pining and he holds himself back so well!! He's been waiting for this relationship for so long but is so patient, willing to take things slowly for Adachi. He flirts shamelessly (as he should) but never to the point where Adachi was too uncomfortable.

He cares so much about Adachi :(. But also, even before he liked Adachi, he could tell he was uncomfortable with the drinking thing, so he DOWNED the wine lmao. Clearly he's just a lovely person all round who's really socially aware.

As for other characters:

• Udon my baby!!!! The cutest cat ever!! I love animals sm :(((

• Tsuge's chaotic energy is iconic

• Minato a lovely little dance machine :))

• Rokaku deserves the world, my excitable kiss interruptor :(((

• Fujisaki my love! She's so soft and cute!! Also ace coded how iconic

I ADORED ep8!!! I LIVE for established Adasawa! Adachi coming out to Tsuge :((( I'm so proud of Adachi coming to terms with his feelings and being confident enough to share his relationship with his closest friend. Coming out is not easy and he did so well 🥺

Adachi and Tsuge are so useless bless them 😂 Kurosawa really said "well I guess I have to take these two socially awkward disasters under my wing." Adachi and Tsuge are such a chaotic duo, I love that they can communicate just by touching each other, and omg when Kurosawa said his name Tsuge was "wait maybe I know everything about you already" and if that isn't friendship idk what is

Also Kurosawa making up a poem in his head about Adachi???? Peak romance. Also iconic. I'M A SUCKER FOR HAND HOLDING SCENES SO I DIED. "I like him. I like him. I like him!!" HOW CUTE CAN YOU GET FJKHDSHSKSK

I also got another arm flailing moment when Kurosawa almost got the wrong idea about Adachi and Tsuge!! CAN ADACHI STOP BEING SO CUTE MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT. How on earth his boyfriend is still alive I have no idea.

There are so many other shows and ships I love. I feel like I'll probably miss some, but here we go. These aren't rankings at all, just like, lists lol.

Show list:

1. 2gether

This show means so much to me. It was the first time I watched a bl week by week and it made it so much more special?? I valued scenes so much more than when I binge shows and they would like, look at each other and I'd have a heart attack. They made the first part of my quarantine bearable bc I always had something to look forward to every Friday. I actually really enjoyed quarantine overall as an introvert (not to be insensitive about the literal deaths the pandemic has caused), but I really enjoyed constantly thinking about how long it was until Friday. I'm massively emotionally attached to all of the characters in this show you have no idea. Every single one. The found family of it all,, the way all of the characters have relationships. Still2gether did a phenomenal job of showcasing all of the unexpected but very welcome dynamics and relationships, platonic and romantic alike. I could blabber about this show for so long I'll spare u for now

2. YYY

Is it well written? No. Did I enjoy it anyway?? You know it! I told you how much I love the found family trope. UGH. THIS FAMILY. Also, seeing the feminine side of the LGBT+ community represented positively warmed my heart. There needs to be more bls that do that! Celebrate femininity!! There's nothing wrong with being camp as fuck! It's so much fun!!! This show made me so happy :))

3. Start up

I'm currently obsessed. It's my first Kdrama and holy shit this is what the hype is about. The budget!! The acting! Top notch. On a sad note I really wish bls got that much funding behind them. My heart aches for a complicated story with fully developed characters and plotlines, that just happens to have a gay main couple/character. Wishful thinking for now at least. Anyways, I'm massively emotionally attached to Halmeoni and Jipyeong. Team Jipyeong all the way (even tho Dalmi's obviously gonna end up with Dosan, and I'm happy for them!). All I need is a happy ending for my darling Jipyeong. Please give him one. Also, if anything happens to Halmeoni I will WEEP.

4. Cherry magic is obviously here but I've ranted about that enough already 😂

5. 3 will be free

I would never have expected gmm to make a series like this! But they went and did THAT. Wild. It was such a healthy representation of a poly relationship. The themes of feminism were so well handled and powerful, the chemistry was off the CHARTS, I was hooked from start to finish! Time for a rewatch? I think so.

6. Feel good

Not an Asian drama, but still gay as FUCK. It's written by my wife Mae Martin who also stars in it, and I have to say, it blew me away. Story time!! My friend irl recommended it to me without saying it was Mae, so I was like "okay sure I'll put it on my to watch list I guess" without much motivation to watch it. But as soon as I found out it was Mae I watched it and I've never looked back lol. Once I finished I sent my friend a splurge of messages about my feelings. The series touches on issues like addiction, sexuality and gender. "I'm not a boy. I'm not even a girl. I'm like a failed version of both." That shit HURT.

There's a scene near the end which has really stayed with me. So Mae's character is a comedian and she does a set making jokes about the stuff that happened in the series and oh my GOD. The way I CRIED. It made me realise that people who make jokes about their experiences are using humour as a coping mechanism and when people say "Haha I have daddy issues isn't it funny" we have to remember to be respectful. It's never okay to make jokes about someone else's trauma. Don't make a big deal of it but just don't be a dick.

Anyways I could go on but would 100% recommend this series!

7. HIStory 2 crossing the line

My first bl! This series is the reason I'm so obsessed with bl lmao. The main couple are so soft :( this little series will always hold a special place in my heart!

8. Sotus

My first gmm series, we've come a long way. I miss Kong and Arthit :(

9. Dark blue kiss

Such a brilliant series. I trust P'Aof (director) with my life. This series touches on issues that are so important and deserve to be talked about so much more in bls. This is what happens when you let LGBT people tell LGBT stories! They do it with such care and love!! One of my favourite lines is "I may like men, but I'll never like your brother." One of my biggest let peeves is "I don't like men, I only like x." Like, I get the business behind it, they don't want to make the character gay to make them available for girls to fantasise about. Which is disgusting. But Mork really said "no. ❤" and I LOVE IT.

10. The shipper

I could go on and on about how underrated I think this series is. This series took over from 2gether on Fridays, and while I didn't think about this series constantly like I did with 2gether, this series made my quarantine brighter. Fridays meant I was gonna laugh at least once and forget about life just for a short while. The humour in this series is so fucking dumb lmao, but I'm here for it.

I've seen people talk about the shipper as a bl but I disagree. I think it's better described as a series with bl aspects. The main themes are friendship, family, dealing with loss, respecting boundaries of people you admire, and one of the main messages is about making sure the people close to you know how much they mean to you. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the series is over the top humour, but by the end of it I was personally really attached to the characters and their feelings. Overall I really enjoyed this series but I don't see anyone properly talk about it :(

11. Gaya sa pelikula

A series made by gay people for gay people. Shows like this are so important. This show really healed my soul with how brilliant the representation was :(( "remember we talked about microagressions" the way that means Vlad is constantly educating Karl about LGBT stuff, UGH. SO GOOD. Also this show has the most realistic representation of a crush I've ever seen lmao, soft Vlad is the best Vlad.

12. My engineer

My happy little Saturday show :( I miss the shit writing, shit acting and soft story of this series so much. I'm so fond of this series, I watched it after the horrible ep12 of 2gether and it really made me happy. I'm looking forward to season 2, but Ramking's novel goes DOWNHILL from here on. I know tricreation wouldn't allow the final chapter's scenes, but the entire story is so problematic and unenjoyable :(. The only valid scene is King's coming out scene but that's literally it. And the collar scene can stay lmao.

13. Oxygen

Another soft saturday series! I love this series so much, all of the couples are so bloody healthy and it makes me so happy. The communication is amazing!! THIS is how you show healthy relationships!!!

14. The gifted

S1 was so amazing!! I loved all of it! The only part of s2 we'll talk about is timegracethird. Time best boy!! Grace a feminist queen! When future Grace said they would be friends for a long time that made me so happy :(( also pangwave canon

15. Until we meet again

So I talked about the healthy relationships in oxygen. But uwma really showed the healthiest relationship ever. DeanPharm are just the softest little humans :( I would die for Pharm. He's the closest I got to a comfort character before Adachi. I just have to PROTECT HIM. My motherly instincts really kick in when I see him lmao.

The storyline of this series is just breathtaking. And the ending? I don't think I've ever cried that much. At all. It was so fucking beautiful 🥺

16. My gear and your gown

I really liked this show! Honestly I don't think I'll ever rewatch it but I definitely enjoyed it. The way Pai just seemed to breathe freely for the first time when his parents accepted his sexuality :(((( my baby :( also purefolk were brilliant

Ship list:

1. Saratine

These two are the definition of romance. They mean the fucking world to me. The fact that their story is apparently gonna be continued in some form makes me so. So. Happy. I cannot begin to describe it. My bet is on a special episode and ugh I'm so EXCITED.

2. Aini

Thonhonchonlatee in general is enjoyable but I don't like Thon at all. It's such a shame bc I was so excited for Khaotung and Podd to be in a series together :((. BUT. Aini have grabbed my heart. I knew they would bc miketap are brilliant, but wow. They're so gay my little babies :( miketap are just so natural and comfortable to watch. I love their chemistry so muuuuuuch

3. Sunmork

Coffee boyfriends :( I miss them so bloody much

4. Ramking

One of my fave ships. As I mentioned, I'm apprehensive about s2, but s1 ramking is such a beautiful story. It's just about 2 boys falling in love, no complications. Plant boy who's afraid of dogs falls in love with quiet boy who loves dogs but is afraid of children. Iconic. Also chemistry outsold, I THINK ABOUT THE KISS CONSTANTLY. When I mentioned the acting is shit in this series (shit is harsh, I mean awkward), I did not mean Perth and Lay in the slightest. They really nailed their roles and I loved it.

5. Professor Layton x Claire

You 100% won't get this reference but I grew up with the Professor Layton games and holy shit do they hold up. They're so amazingly written with beautiful stories and the most lovable characters in the world. Layton's intellect, loving nature and surprising athleticism are admirable. Adachi is the character I relate to most, but if I was gonna choose a character to comfort me irl, Layton's your man. His voice is so comforting by nature. I'm blabbering at this point but the point is him and Claire are the only het pairing that matters.

These are just the ships that I felt should be separate from their shows. I love all of the ships from the shows I mentioned.

Oof this got horrifically long, I haven't had a proper chance to rant about most of these shows so I really let it out lol. I hope you've watched at least some of these shows and I didn't just rant to u about 12 shows you've never heard of 😂

I hope you have a wonderful day love!!!!

[purplesurveys]

1086

Do you think someone is missing you atm? No. Maybe my friends do, but like in passing? since I haven’t seen most of them in nearly a year. But that’s assuming a lot and being a little too confident, lmao. Idk anyone who would be actively missing me.

Can you think of one reason why some people might not like you? I have a formal side to me especially when it comes to work, so people might see it as being cold and aloof. I’m also pretty straightforward about my feelings towards certain people, so even if we don’t really talk but I know I’m not fond of them, I’ll silently block them on social media so I don’t see them on my feed lol. That is definitely an easy way for them not to like me.

So we’re two months into 2017. How has it been for you so far? Has anything happened in the past 2 months that you think you will always remember? I was meh. It was my first anniversary with Gab then so everything was going perfectly on the relationship front. I was still struggling badly with mental health issues and a lot of anxiety stemming from my transition to college, soooo it was nice to have someone comfort me during those difficult times. But yeah, the first half of 2017 was basically still me having a tough time in university.

Can you describe what was going through your mind during your last kiss? I was thinking of how happy I was and how everything was going to be okay after all. Look at how wrong I turned out to be, haha. I laugh it off now.

Are you talking to anyone while filling this in? What are you talking about? No.

If you’re in a relationship, are you happy? And if you’re single, are you looking for someone? Not looking. A friend told me some girl was interested in me but she had asked for my star sign, which was an immediate turn-off lol. But in all seriousness, I’m not looking to be in a relationship any time soon, much less date around. It’s my first time being completely single in 6 years, so there’s a lot about me I’m continuing to explore and learn about which is a nice feeling to have. I’ve finally gotten the hang of being alone and actually enjoying being alone, so I don’t plan on breaking the routine soon.

Have you ever been so drunk that you could barely stand? As the friend with the lowest alcohol tolerance, yes.

Was your last hug from someone of the opposite sex? No, they are non-binary.

Will you be sharing your bed with someone else tonight? No.

Is there anything wrong with you right now? I need a shower lmao. But other than that, no.

Have you eaten chocolate today? No, and I’m not looking for it at the moment. Too sweet.

Think back to last night … did you go to sleep before midnight? Yeah, just shortly before midnight. I had been trying to sleep since 9:30 but couldn’t and I was only finally able to fall asleep at like, 11:30 or something.

The last time you sent a text to someone, did you add a kiss at the end? Nah. A kiss would’ve been irrelevant in the text I sent.

Where did you meet the person you love/like? Hm...do I still love her? Idk if I can refer to her in these questions anymore. You all know where we met, anyway.

Have you had any recent calls or texts from any unknown numbers? Did you answer them? It’s unknown but I knew who they were; I’m just too lazy to update their info. It was a missed call but it was beyond 6 PM so I no longer called him back.

OK … let’s just say I’m going to buy you a present … but I don’t know what to get :/ Would you mind if I just bought you a box of chocolates? I’d appreciate the gesture, definitely. It would take me a while to finish it up though.

Has anyone ever stolen food from you? Yeah. 

What is something that people make fun of you for? I’m kinda slow and it takes me longer than most to process things, from simple jokes to complex mechanics. I hate it when people I’m not close to make fun of me for it - because we aren’t even close??? but if it’s my friends, I laugh along since being slow has been my trademark for years hahaha.

Which supermarket do you like to shop at? We usually do our shopping at SM or Metro, but my dream is to be rich enough to be able to do my regular shopping at Rustan’s, ha.

Do you think you might have any obsessive compulsive tendencies? I guess. The one I practice most frequently is having to take several trips to check on something, like making sure I closed the fridge properly, or that I locked the main door when I leave the house, or making sure my bedroom light has been switched off, etc.

Who was the last person to text you? Do you think this person cares for you? Angela, and yeah and she reminds me all the time that she does.

Did you have a conversation last night that made you smile? Sure.

Has anyone paid you a compliment at all today? I don’t think so, so far.

Have you ever been told that your boyfriend/girlfriend wasn’t good enough for you? Hahaha yeah for like the past three years. It always fell on (my) deaf ears, so Angela was relieved as fuck when she found out it was finally over.

Do you think it’s okay to flirt with someone that’s already taken, as long as it goes no further? No. I’d feel pretty betrayed if a significant other started flirting with someone else.

Have you ever been on the phone for more than an hour straight? Way more than an hour.

Are you a spender or a saver? Can be both, but right now I’m a saver considering how much I had to spend in the last two months. Are you currently wearing anything pink? My shorts are pink.

If someone close to you is upset, does that make you feel upset too? Depends on how invested I am in their problem. But if I’m the one who caused them to feel upset, then yeah I’d definitely feel the same way because I hate fucking up.

Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do? Sometimes, but it’s been easier to do it these days.

Are you wearing any label brands of clothing? Not right now.

Do you think it’s really possible to love just one person until the day you die? It’s possible. It certainly happened with my grandpa, who I believe was never with anyone else other than my grandma.

Someone attractive is staring at you. What do you do? Use my phone. That, and feel creeped out.

How long can you stay single after a relationship break-up, before you feel ready to be with someone else? It’s been four months and counting and I don’t feel like jumping into another relationship. I enjoy being by myself.

Do you miss someone atm? Does that person know that you miss them? No, I don’t.

Are you friends with someone a lot of people dislike? Andi is quite polarizing, tbh. They have a loud personality that some will see as being too bold/brash or feeling too close to someone. So I guess yes.

Do you think someone else will also want to fill in this survey? Eh, sure.

[okayoonoh]

best part (1): lee taeyong

“you don’t know babe, when you hold me and kiss me slowly, it’s the sweetest thing.”

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- PAIRING: lee taeyong x reader - GENRE: ANGST ANGST ANGST, a little tiny tiny smut in there but it barely counts tbh - RATING: it’s a good M for mature. - WORD COUNT: 4,514 - WARNINGS: it’s sad and there’s a little smut in here. it’s not super explicit tho.

a/n: this honestly makes me sad, but i need to learn to write angst and simply doing it is one of the best ways. i hope you guys like it :,)

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Knock, knock, knock

“Y/N please, let me in.”

Your heart aches at every knock. Every fiber of your being is telling you to keep that door shut, to keep him out and forget about him forever. It’s easier this way, for his career and your’s. Everyone knows that nothing about this is okay, you know it and he does as well.

And yet, why do you find yourself standing up and walking towards the door?

You take slow steps walking towards your front door. You hear his knocking becoming even more desperate, almost as if he thought that the louder he knocked, the quicker you would open your door. 

“Y/N please… just let me in. I just want to talk to you...”

Your hand comes in contact with the doorknob, tears still spilling out of your eyes. You keep telling yourself not to open that goddamn door, over and over like a mantra in your head.

And yet, you find yourself turning the doorknob and looking into those wide tear-stained eyes you told yourself you’d never see again. The second the door opened wide enough for him to enter, he wrapped his arms around you, holding the back of your head, pressing your sobbing form against his body. You grasped onto the grey sweater he was wearing, sobbing. You want to break away from him. You want to live far away so you’ll never have to see him anymore. You want to push him away. You want to live a life without him. 

It’s crazy, really. 2 months ago, your mindset about him was complete the complete opposite. 2 months ago, you thought you’d never push him away. 2 months ago you were his best friend, the one friend that stuck with him when he became an idol. You told him everything and he to you. Any little issue and accomplishment, he told you. Any little exam you passed and depressing mood you’ve been in, you’ve confided in him. You never thought you would ever want to let him go, he was your lifeline, the one and only thing you’ve ever wanted to hold onto for the rest of your life. He was your best friend, your ride or die. He made you feel so safe and accepted every when you were at your worst. So, why are you sitting here, the most confused you’ve been your entire life, about him? Someone you used to be so sure, so confident that you would never, ever, have to worry about him of all people. Why him?

---

4 months ago

---

“Y/N! Open your door! I have news!” 

You move your laptop to the side as you walk towards your door, rolling your eyes. You know that voice like the back of your hand. You twist the door handle and pull, greeted by the excited expression of your best friend.

“Hyunzie? Why are you here at 10:00 at night? I thought you were at Sicheng’s place?” you quip.

She rolls her eyes, already walking inside of your apartment, “Wow, I love you too. But I was at Sicheng’s place but this news is way too important for me not to tell you now!” 

She stalks over to your kitchen, making herself and you a cup of tea. 

“Okay, Hyunzie, if it’s this important, why are you making me tea?” You ask while accepting the mug she hands you. 

“Because I would like to ‘spill the tea’” Her eyes light up, waiting for your response. 

You give her a true, mint condition, authentic, fake laugh, “Ha ha. Seriously, Hyunzie. I was finalizing some reports while watching the last episode of ‘The Amazing Irish Cooking Show’. What is so urgent that you had to cut me off from Moira taking home the gold?”

“Okay, first of all, Moira doesn’t even win, second of all, why are you so sassy today?” 

“Hyunzie.”

“Fine Mr. Grumpy Pants I’ll tell you. So, I’m just going to tell you the most important thing now since I don’t think you want the build up. We’re moving to Seoul.”

“Hyunzie, stop messing around, just tell me the news and go home, it’s getting late.”

“No, Y/N, I’m being 100% serious. You remember how Sicheng and Taeyong sent in your song to SM? They’re offering us a job!”

You look your best friend directly in her eyes. You know when she’s lying, but none of those signs are being shown right now.

You stutter, “We-- We’re leaving? You’re not kidding me, right? And-- and us? Did they--”

She purses her lips and nods, “Yes! Sicheng sent in my artwork as well, they want me to work for them for their next comeback! We’re moving to Seoul!”

You open your arms, enveloping Hyunzie in the biggest hug. Tears threaten to spill from your eyes. You did it. You’re finally getting a chance to be heard. You can finally put an end to your mindless desk job and do the thing you’ve dreamed of doing ever since, well, ever. 

You separate from the hug and press your hand to your burning cheeks, trying not to freak out too badly. “So, when do we leave?”

Hyunzie doesn’t miss a beat, “As soon as possible. Sicheng has already laid out a place for us to stay until we find a place. I’m ready to go whenever you are. I know it’ll take a while for you to actually quit your job and stuff, but I’ll help you pack and everything! We’re in this together Y/N.”

You nod and grab your laptop from where you set it down. “I’ll send in the 2 weeks now.” Hyunzie nods back, grabbing the remote and pressing play, putting your favorite show back on. 

A couple hours past and Hyunzie fell asleep on the side of your couch when you added the final touch to your reports and your two weeks notice. You yawn, looking towards your best friend. Your heart fills with so much love knowing that she is sticking with you throughout this entire event. Ever since her secret relationship with Sicheng started, she’s been nothing but the best version of herself. No, Sicheng is not the man who “magically” changed her, he knows that, but he also knows that Hyunzie doesn’t need him. Hyunzie and Sicheng compliment each other so well, not one personality being overshined by the other. The sneaking around between the two is something that most couples would hate, but due to the secretive and private nature of the both of them, they find it thrilling to flirt in the shadows and act as complete “strangers”.  

If Hyunzie never took the chance to talk to the cute regular who showed up in the cafe where she worked, you would have never had the chance to even send in your music to SM. Sure, Taeyong could have given you the inside scoop, but you never wanted to seem like you were using Taeyong. Sicheng was willing to stop by and he felt the same about you and your music. He agrees that your music should be shared and with the help of Taeyong, your music now has a greater chance than ever before. 

Ring ring ring

Your ears perk as you look at the caller ID. Speak of the devil.

“Y/N, it’s me! Did Hyunzie tell you the news? I’m so sorry, I finally got a free chance to talk to you, I’m actually in the States right now with the rest of the member--”

“Hey Taeyong-ie, and yes, Hyunzie is actually sleeping on my couch at this very moment. She told be the information like an hour ago? Look, I can’t thank you enoug--”

“Nonsense, I’ve always known your music should be shared. I just didn’t know what time would be best and apparently Sicheng just sent it in today, and I wasn’t even there to see everyone’s reactions!”

You giggle, “Don’t worry about it, Youngie. I’m still in shock with everything right now.” 

“I know, it’s a crazy feeling isn’t it? I can’t even remember what went through my mind when I passed my audition.”

“I honestly am not sure with anything I’m feeling, but I have one thing for certain.”

“Hm?”

“I can’t wait to work with you on the daily. It’ll be just like when we were kids.”

You can practically hear his smile through the phone, your heart flutters at the thought. 

“I know Y/N! It’ll be just like old times! I can’t wait for you to meet the rest of the members, I just hope Johnny and Jaehyun can turn down the flirtiness when you get here. We have no room for any relationships, except for the godly couple of Hyunzie and Sicheng, they are the exception.”

“Amen. Well, I just finished my two weeks. I’m going to send it in tomorrow and begin packing as soon as I can.”

“I’m glad! You can do so much better than that mindless job, Y/N. I always knew you could… You’ve always been so -- What? What do you mean Xuxi broke the entire light structure? -- I’m so sorry Y/N, I have to take care of this. Look, text me if you need anything, I’m down to help you with whatever you need. We leave the States in three days, so I’ll be home to help you by then. I’ll see you when I get home!”

“It’s okay, Youngie, you have your leader duties to attend to. Tell Lucas to be careful and take it easy on yourself, okay? I’ll see you soon, thank you for everything.”

“Thank you too, bye bye!”

The call ends and you hold your phone close to your chest. Even just the sound of Taeyong’s voice makes you happy beyond belief. Imagining spending everyday with him fills you with so much elation, it’s hard to hold back. Taeyong and you grew up together, best friends before you even met Hyunzie. Together, you and him could conquer the world. Your parents would say that, even his sister. You both were notorious for talking the ears off of anyone and everyone and even conducting elaborate pranks you pulled on his sister and even your family members. When he joined SM, he had to move away to Seoul while you stayed in your hometown. He knew that he didn’t want to lose contact with you, and did all he could to make sure you would never lose this close bond the two of you have. There are underlying feelings between you two, you just can’t quite pinpoint it. Or your mind simply won’t let you knowing about all of that negative backlash that you would receive. 

A loud snore shakes you from your thoughts as your eyes shoot towards Hyunzie’s sleeping form. You giggle lightly, grabbing the blanket that drapes off of the side of the bed and lay it on your best friend. You turn off the lamp then head off to your room, getting ready to start this new era of your life. 

---

2 weeks (and, like, 2 days) later

---

Surprisingly, with the help of your movers and all of the free members of NCT, you were able to move and unpack almost instantly. Hyunzie and you basically sold all of your old furniture to buy new ones, so the only things you both had to worry about was your clothes and such. The new apartment is filled with loud music and laughs all throughout as the members all work hard to help you build all of your new furniture from the iconic Ikea. Hyunzie and Sicheng occupy themselves with the coffee table, flirting and lightly arguing more than building the actual surface. You, Johnny, and Taeyong busy yourselves in the kitchen, sorting out all of the dishes and pans, Johnny’s main goal is carefully placing all of your important bowls and dishes in the high shelf. 

“Again, thank you so much for all of your help,” You say, handing Johnny a decorative bowl your mother gave you as a gift when you moved to your own place for the first time.

“It’s no problem! We’re in between comebacks right now, so all we really do is wait for the Dreamies to post ASMR videos or my JCC stuff, but sometimes taking a break and doing things like this is better than filming everything 24/7 y’know? It’s almost therapeutic.” Johnny says cheerfully, giving you a gentle smile. 

“So Y/N,” Johnny begins, lifting the next box and moving to the next set of cabinets, “How did you and Taeyong meet? I know you guys grew up together, but like what’s the history?”

You smile, looking at the boy in the living room who is currently settling the argument between Sicheng and his girlfriend. 

“Well, historically, we’ve just been close friends,”

“No, no. Like, romantically. I’ve seen the way Taeyong lights up when he talks about you. There’s no way there’s no history between the two of you.”

You hesitate when you hand him the next plate. He is right, it’s not like there wasn’t anything going between the two of you, there definitely was something, “Well… if I’m being completely honest, there was. But it all ended when he left.”

Johnny nods, “I see, I see. Well, never say never! You’re back now, so anything could happen. And I mean, if it doesn’t work with him.... I know this tall, Chicago man that is available…” 

He smirks at you suggestively. You pull the towel that rests on his neck then hit his side.

“Hey hey, don’t hate the player, hate the game.” He laughs. You roll your eyes as you grab the empty box and put it in the pile of empty boxes. 

The rest of the afternoon goes rather smoothly as everyone finishes up with your’s and Hyunzie’s apartment. You and Taeyong sit on the couch while Hyunzie and Sicheng sit on the ground, leaning against the coffee table they assembled together. Hyunzie leans her head on Sichengs shoulder, dozing off. A movie plays in the background while you and Taeyong talk softly.

You stretch while Taeyong grabs your attention.

“Y/N, I just wanted to let you know that I’m so happy you’re here now.”

You smile at you him, “I am, too. I finally feel like I’m doing something worth my time, you know?”

He nods at you, “I know what you mean. Look, I also want to apologize for not being there for you--”

“--Tae, I’m going to stop you right there. I completely understand, I wouldn’t still be your best friend if I didn’t understand. I love you, more than you could ever know, Tae. You never have to apologize to me for anything.”

He gives you a somber smile, then gently places his hand over yours, “Thank you for being you. I love you, too.”

Your heart clenches, hearing him say those words truly fills you with joy. You know that he said it platonically, but you for sure didn’t. You honestly don’t mind it being a one-sided love. It’s better this way for everyone. Well, everyone except for you. But you were at peace with it. You know that Taeyong simply can’t be with you; the repercussions are too extreme. But right now, he isn’t Taeyong, the leader of NCT. He’s Lee Taeyong, your childhood best friend and the man you’re completely and utterly in love with.

---

2 months later

---

Your life as a songwriter has been amazing for its first month. Your song was recorded with all of the boys singing it wonderfully; the head producer said the songs you wrote were some of NCT’s best. 

You sit in a studio, laying some tracks over each other when you hear a knock at the door. The clear glass door shows the handsome features of Taeyong and you smile at him, stepping out of your chair to let him in.

He lifts up a plastic bag filled, two boxes of sushi inside. Your eyes light up as you walk with him to the couch inside of the studio.

“I got you your favorite,” he smiles while taking out a box for you.

“You know me so well,”

“Of course I do! I also know that you’re not going to be able to break these chopsticks evenly.”

Snap. Right as he says that, you broke your chopsticks, unevenly at the top. You stick your tongue out at him, giving him some sass.

“Okay you, you’re right but you didn’t have to be.”

He laughs, “I’m sorry. I just can’t resist. Anyway, how is the song-writing going? Are you giving Renjun any insane lines?”

You shake your head, “I’m actually just working on the beat for the rap track right now. Jaemin and Jeno have really increased their rap game from what I can remember. They can deal with something super complex.”

Taeyong nods, “Who would you say is your favorite rapper right now?”

“Between Jaemin and Jeno?”

“No, just in general.”

“NCT in general? Or in general, general?”

“In general, general! Y/N, stop bouncing around the question,” he whines slightly. You snicker. You know he’s trying to get you to say his name, but you won’t give him that satisfaction.

“Well, my favorite rapper right now has to be the rap god of NCT.”

“See! Was that so--”

“Yes, Mark Freaking Lee. Baby Lion really knows whats up.”

“O-Oh…” Taeyong suddenly finds his sushi really interesting as his gaze isn’t on you anymore.

You punch his arm, “Stop pouting dummy, of course I’m kidding. You’re my favorite rapper by default.”

His expression lights up, “Hehe, thank you.”

You both finish up the meal, happy and full. A chime goes off on your phone and you check it, your stomach drops. Even though it’s only your second month working for SM, other companies have noticed your work and they want you to work for them. SM gives you a pretty paycheck, but these other companies want to give you more. After they saw your work with NCT’s comeback, they want to see what else you can do. Other companies are offering you more money for your songs and you genuinely don’t know what to do.

“Tae, I have to tell you something.”

He knows that tone. He knows that you want to talk to him about something serious. “Let’s go for a walk.” 

---

You walk outside, your breath coming out as puffs of clouds because of the cold air. Taeyong walks beside you, walking perfectly at your side.

You hide your head in your scarf, attempting to warm your cheeks, as you sigh.

“Yongie, JYP is offering me a job. They’re willing to pay me almost double what SM is paying me right now.”

Taeyong stops walking as you do too.  “Y/N! That’s amazing!”

You sigh, “That’s the thing. I want to take it, but I love working for SM and more importantly, I love working with you.”

Taeyong sighs and places his hands on your shoulder, causing you to look up at him, “Look, distance has never been an issue with us. Whatever choice you make, you’ll make the right one. I’ll be by your side no matter what happens.”

“Yeah bu--”

“No! No buts. No matter what happens, we’ll be okay Y/N, I promise.”

You look up at him. You take in his beautiful face, something you’re so glad you can see it up close. You look at his big doe eyes, his angled nose and jawline that seem like they were sculpted by the gods themselves. You pay close attention to his lips that are formed in a slight pout. You never realized how soft his lips looked before. You question how they might feel against--

Woah. Where did that come from? 

You sniff as the lump in your throat isn’t so tight anymore. You look back up to his eyes and nod. You know you’ll be happy with whatever you choose because you have him. He gives you a light hearted smile then he reaches for your cold hand, holding it in his warm ones. Your heart flutters, but you don’t question him. This is exactly the amount of comfort you need right now. 

You guys continue your walk, hand in hand, his warmth reassuring you that everything will be okay.

Click. Click. Click.

---

3 months later

---

This all leads you  here. That night, you were being reckless and you or Taeyong didn’t think about the repercussions. Taeyong walked you home that night and you woke up to your social media and your email and your texts all full beyond belief.

New SM employee already cozies up to NCT’S Leader, Lee Taeyong

“Who is this girl? She’s a nobody.”

“It finally makes sense how she got into SM! It’s all Taeyong’s doing!”

“I can’t believe someone is taking our Taeyong away from us! She’s not nearly good enough for him!”

“What does Taeyong see in a girl like her??? She’s not even pretty.”

You read all those comments and immediately shut down. You didn’t realize what had happened that night until you read who the source was from. Dispatch saw you and Taeyong that night and ran with the story. Your whole career and Taeyong’s career was ruined. Hyunzie ran into your room that morning, throwing your phone away from you. You cried. Because that one night, you were so reckless, you ruined your best friends career. You packed a bag then headed back to your hometown, you needed to be away from there for a while.

From that moment, you cut off all ties you had with Taeyong, not even talking to him after that event. You were only thinking for him. It’s better for everyone this way. You took the job with JYP and you have been working there ever since. 

You moved back in with Hyunzie after everything died down a bit. She promised you that she wouldn’t let Taeyong in when he came, but it seemed that he didn’t want to see you either. He didn’t visit you after he learned you moved away. He was away on tour when you came back, so you knew you didn’t have to avoid him.

Except for now.

He just returned from tour and it brings you back here, he’s knocking at your door. God, of all the times Hyunzie chose to be with Sicheng, it had to be now. You’re weak, you open the door and he lets himself in as he hugs you. Your tears spilling into his shirt. 

He holds you tight and he holds you close, seeming scared that you would float away from him if he let go. He holds the back of your head into his chest as he leans into your neck, crying himself.

“Y/N, why?” he sobs quietly. “What happened?”

You don’t answer. You quietly cry into his shirt. You don’t know why. You thought it would be best for everyone this way, but now, in his arms, you realize it wasn’t.

He breaks away from the hug and holds your face in his hands, his tear stained eyes staring into yours. You don’t think it’s possible for your heart to break anymore than it already has, but it does when you see his glossy eyes. He wipes the tears that spill from your eyes as he places his forehead against yours. 

He whispers so softly, “Please, don’t leave me.”

Again, you don’t respond. You gently brush your lips against his and he returns your kiss. He kisses you slowly, your heart clenches. This moment is the sweetest you’ve ever had, but it’s equally the saddest. You’re finally doing the thing you’ve wanted to do for the longest time, but why does it hurt?

You break away from the kiss as he keeps his forehead on yours. You close your eyes, trying to savor the moment. You feel safe, you feel protected, you feel love. 

You know none of this can’t last.

Those happy emotions you feel make everything so much worse. You know that he can’t stay. You know that it can’t be like this. You know that your heart will just break in the end.

He kisses you again, this time with more passion. It hurts, but you can’t stop.

“Y/N please, I’m sorry.”

“Prove it to me, then. Don’t stop kissing me.”

He doesn’t. He holds you so close because it’s almost as if he knows the second that he lets go, you let go too.

Your back hits your mattress, his lips still on yours. Clothes are shed, tears still fall. Your bodies mold as one as he proves to you, again and again, the extent of his love. You cry even more. You love him so much, but that’s why you can’t be with him. 

When he holds you, when he kisses you, it’s the sweetest thing. That’s why it hurts the most.

The life of an idol isn’t one for you and you know that. It fits Taeyong well, which is why this is your last night with him. You love him so much, that’s why you can’t keep him. He was never your’s to keep.

You look over at his sleeping form, his bottom half covered by your covers. You lean over and kiss his head one more time before you stand up. You quietly pack up your bag then head out the door. JYP has a branch in Japan that they want you to head and you were on the fence about it. 

Seeing Taeyong one more time helped you make up your mind. You leave a note for Hyunzie and send her a text. You found a last minute flight to Tokyo, you bought the last ticket, and you’re on your way.

You love Lee Taeyong too much to stay with him. Staying with him will only taint his image.

When he held you, when he kissed you, it was the sweetest thing. 

But it’ll just have to live on in that memory.

---

i hate writing angst for this exact reason....

this is my first official angsty piece tho! i hope you guys liked it :)

it’s been a while but my writer’s block is finally gone! i’ll continue on with more fluffy pieces for this series :)))

anyway, this part may have a part 2? we’ll see the vibes of the lyrics

- amy <3

[hyungbean]

Prom Night | Erik Lehnsherr

Profanity Ahead! Proceed with caution!

X-Men Imagine!

Pairing: Professor!Erik x Professor!Y/N

Genre: Fluff, Humor

Synopsis: ideally you wouldn’t have wanted to spend prom with your crush in a broom closet, but your students were on a budget and Scott was so done with your shit.

Note: I love Alex sm tho, I’m going to write for him in the future for sure !

It should come off as no surprise to you when your lovely students decided to lock you in the broom closet. You thought this was payback for the essay you assigned a few days prior. Although those little -lovable- pricks decided to lock you in the closet with your close friend and fellow colleague Erik.

You were not deaf, over the past few months you had overheard Scott and Jean discussing your love life in the back of your classroom. Peter was quick to join in too and by the end of the first semester, the whole entire academy seemed to be more focused on your relationship with the history professor, Mr.Lehnsherr, than your Science Lessons.

How you didn’t see this coming was beyond any degree you could earn.

It started a week before prom.

Charles was planning on throwing the event to reward the hard work the kids have done and all they have had to endure, because it couldn’t hurt to try and be normal.

Many of the mutants had missed out on being a normal kid, so throwing this prom was like putting a band aid on the wound of being a mutant.

“Alex Summers! I didn’t expect you to be here!” You bounded down the stairs quickly and enveloped your old friend in a tight hug.

“Sorry I came on such short notice. Heard the old man was throwing a little prom for you guys. Came to embarrass Scott. And see you of course.” Alex chuckles, returning the hug. You and Alex had always been jokingly flirty with one another, it was just your thing.

It was at that moment that you realized all the students were peering at you and the older Summers, whispering to each other.

Alex quickly noticed, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Am I missing something?” You chuckled, pushing him slightly.

“They’re obviously checking you out Mr.Summers, you age like fine wine, because wowzers. And to think all those years ago when we met and you were still that little wannabe redneck.” As you fan your face jokingly, Alex feigns offense, suddenly lunging at you and starts tickling you.

“Ale—ALEX. S-StOp!” You giggled uncontrollably as he laughed leaning on you and nearly causing you both to fall over.

Suddenly there was a cough from behind you that echoed around the building.

You two broke apart, Alex slinging his arm over your shoulder.

“Alex.” We realized it was Alex’s little brother Scott, who looked not at all pleased.

“Hey Scottie!” Alex laughs, crushing him in a hug.

“What are you doing here dude?”

“Came to see my favorite dude, and my favorite gal.” Alex turns around throwing a wink at you.

“You know it Summers.” I walk up to them, hands on hips, nudging Alex playfully.

“Wait-Wait. How long has this—“ Scott furiously gestures to the two of you “—been going on??”

Wide-eyed I looked at Alex and we broke in hysterics, clutching our stomachs.

“Oh please Scott! We’re best friends! We’re not an item! God no!” I spoke loudly.

“Well at least not exclusively. Now excuse us!” Alex said winking before grabbing my arm and dragging me away from the groaning Scott.

“Well that’s new.” Scott nearly jumped out of his skin as Jean appeared next to him, gazing at the pair who were bouncing down the hallway.

“This is a nightmare.”

And just a few days before prom was taking place, things became much much clearer to everyone—except for you.

“Okay guys! So today we’re going to be talking about Primary Pollutants and Secondary Pollutants—“

“Oh please Y/N really? Just put on some VCR so we can go make out in the corner.” Alex said nonchalantly, scanning your room.

I glared at him, throwing a textbook in his direction as the kids looked awe-struck.

“Dude! Not cool! That’s my teacher!” Scott yelled at his brother, making a ‘what the hell’ arm gesture.

Alex shrugged, picking up the book and flipping through it.

“Now like I was sayi—“ before I could finish my sentence Erik bursts through the door.

I look at the man, and the students eye the both of us knowingly, anticipating the moment where the pent up tension would explode.

“Erik! What brings you here?” My face heats up a little, as I fiddle with the edge of my desk. He always seemed to have this affect on you, making you feel giddy.

“I was just going to ask if—“ he cuts himself off as he notices Alex who is suddenly standing next to me.

“Summers?”

“Old man?”

They ask simultaneously, pointing at each other.

Something in Erik’s eyes change, but he covers it up with a chuckle, nodding at the blond next to me, “good to see you kid.”

I cough awkwardly as the three of us stand there for a few moments.

“So...Erik what were you saying before?” I ask gently trying to soothe the awkward atmosphere.

“Oh..Nothing. Nothing. Sorry to bother you Ms. L/N. I’ll leave you guys to it!” He leaves quickly waving at the gaping students.

After a few moments, the students are all looking at one another.

“Hmph that was weird.” I say quickly studying the spot he was just standing at.

“You’re telling me this.” Alex says, sitting on your desk.

You smack his arm before sitting next to him.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I hear Peter mumble.

When it finally got to the day of the prom you had enlisted in Jean to help you with your attire. Being not much older than the girl, your sense of style was very similar.

“How about this?” She holds up a champagne gown with a left slit up to the mid-thigh region and a sweetheart neck line.

“Oh that’s gorgeous.” I gasped, running my hand down the fabric.

She hands it to me chuckling, before rummaging to find her own dress while she tries to look casual as she asks the dreaded question.

“So—how are you and Mr.Lehnsherr?”

I look down at my dress with furrowed brows, “Well I’m doing fine Jean, I’m not sure about Erik i think that’s something you should ask him. Not sure how I would know this.”

Jean turns around slowly in disbelief, “I—I mean— no what I was trying to ask was— you know what it’s okay.” She stumbles over herself before sighing and handing you a pair of blush pumps.

“Oooo these are ridiculously beautiful! Thank you Jean!” I quickly rush to her bathroom to try on the dress as Jean hurries to her phone.

> J: Okay I’m in, let’s do it. I’m tired of all the sexual tension.

< P: I knew you’d come through!

< P: if they start being all cute, I’m throwing myself off the balcony though.

< S: we are so getting detention guys.

Jean shuts off her phone as she hears the twisting of the bathroom doorknob. You walk out, fixing your earrings.

You looked absolutely stunning, Jean was about to lose her shit, the students would lose their shit, Erik was going to lose his shit for sure.

“ Girl! Wowie. Let me get your number !” Jean hollers jokingly as you chuckle and hug the young girl.

“Okay, well I think I’m going to go look for Alex now! I’ll see you in a few hours!” You smile brightly before strutting out of her dorm. When the door shuts Jean groans, flopping on her bed.

Fucking Alex Summers.

The music was crazy loud, you were sure the whole mansion was vibrating to the beat of the unfamiliar song.

Alex was next to you, practically plugging his ears, squinting through the neon lights twirling around the room. All the students were dancing and laughing, which brought a smile to your face.

“You okay old man? The Alex I know would be fist pumping the air and jamming to this kind of stuff.” Alex glares at you.

“Oh stuff it darling, people grow up.”

I gasp, clutching my chest, “Alex Summers? Grown up! Oh my prayers have been answered!”

He rolls his eyes before turning to you, “you look amazing doll. Erik better treat you right or I’ll throw him over the banister!” He yells through the music.

“What? Why would Erik treat me badly?” I frown slightly as Alex laughs.

“You’re so innocent pumpkin, i understand what Scott’s talking about now. Don’t worry! You’ll see!” Before I could protest he dances away, winking at me and disappearing in the crowd.

Standing there for a few moments, you shrug it off as him being dumb like always.

As you make your way to the refreshments table, someone suddenly grabs your arm.

You look back to see a worried Peter, tugging at your elbow.

“Miss L/N! You have to come quick! Scott is arguing with Alex and I think it’s about to get real physical!”

I groan, throwing my head back, “Already?! Those Summer boys can never keep out of trouble can they?!”

As Peter guides you away from the crowd and into the hallway, you see Alex and Scott standing next to each other.

“Boys! Seriously?—“ before you can lecture them Alex is lifting you up bridal style while Scott opens the broom closet next to him.

“What?! ALEX SUMMERS PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!” Alex puts me down in the closet before kissing my forehead.

He backs away as someone slams the door shut.

“Sorry doll! I’m doing this for the greater good of the next generation!”

I huff, slapping the door. Before pouting and looking at my surroundings. Well at least trying to look at my surroundings, unable to make out much.

“You look beautiful.” I shriek in panic and back up a little.

“Erik?! Oh my god! You scared the living daylights out of me!”

“Sorry, I probably should have made you aware of my presence in a quieter manner.”

You hear some shuffling before you can sense Erik standing in front of you.

“Why are you in here? Did the kids lock you up too?”

He chuckles, “no, I actually uh—fuck. I asked them to.”

I cross my arms, “uhhh..okay??”

He sighs, before moving closer, “What I meant was— I asked them to help me get you in here with me—fuck that came out wrong.”

I laugh, patting his shoulder, “take your time bub.”

He sighs again, waiting a few moments before speaking again.

“Look Y/N. I just— you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Like god damn! I’m not good at these kinds of things but you just never cease to amaze me every single day. I love every single thing about you. From your dumb humor to your innocence, I just— I would really love to take you out one day because woman, I am so madly in love with you and you don’t even know it!” Erik’s speech causes him to start breathing heavily as he waits for your rejection. At least he couldn’t see your disgusted face in the dark. His hands were in fists as he tried to even out his breathing.

“Oh wow...” I reply awkwardly, rubbing my arms.

“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have—“ before Erik could say anything else I lunge forward, gripping his shoulders.

I attach my lips to his as he sighs in relief, wrapping his arms around me.

“I love you too Lehnsherr. Very much.” I lean my head on his chest and start swaying slowly in the dark.

“Good.” He pecks the top of my head.

He smelled like the deep forest and ocean mist, I would have to steal his cologne one of these days.

“I’m still going to put those kiddos in detention and beat Alex’s ass.”

Erik chuckles, squeezing you tighter.

“I’m counting on it honey.”

Meanwhile outside the closet, Peter has his ear pressed on the door while an impatient Scott, Alex and Jean watch.

“What are they saying?” Jean asks

“I don’t know, it just got quiet.” Peter replies, scrunching his face

“You don’t think...” Scott trails off, shuddering at the thought of his two favorite teachers—doing it.

Alex smacks his ass back down to earth, “gross dude.”

“Wait! I think I hear something!” Peter whisper-yells.

They all lean in as Peter’s face falls, slowly stepping away from the door as he coughs awkwardly.

“Well??” Jean asks, uncrossing her arms

“I think we’re in trouble.”

“Shit! She’s totally gonna beat my ass bro.”

[bonerattled]

❤️ 💔 💕 💖

hi i’m truly in love w u!!!! anyways!!!!

❤️: what’s the working title?

Hearts Full of Teeth also probably will be the permanent title. I rarely change my titles bc I usually settle on those before the actual story lol

💔: give a brief character bio of your 3-5 MCs

I’ve got 6 MCs so I’m gonna break the rules sry

Jamie Bannick: where do I even begin I love this boy. big ass martyr problem. in love w max and max knows it and they hooked up and it ended badly. at all times when things get uncomfortable his brain starts banging pots and pans together going MAKE A JOKE MAKE A JOKE MAKE A JOKE. his self worth directly depends on how well he can take care of everyone else (bad!!!) and yet refuses to receive the same help from others. trying his best to grapple his grief over losing Summer and failing. an absolute bi icon and we stan

Hank O’Donnell: Jamie’s bestest best friend. the only person who can call him out on his shit and not receive a defensive and snappy response bc they love each other that much. hates confrontation like would rather die. you’d have to hold a gun to his head (or be a very persistent jamie) to get him to ever communicate his feelings about something. queen of bottling feelings!!!! truly unproblematic even tho he doesnt think so. walks w a cane ever since the monster. 

Philippa “Flip” Kim: absolutely that bitch in high school who excused being a bitch as “i’m just blunt and honest!” but she’s better now. a ballerina in new york!! smokes so many cigarettes it’s frightening. still cannot tell a lie--if u wanna know the real truth abt smth she will tell u. absolutely chaotic and up for anything at all time would rob a bank it wouldn’t take that much convincing other than “it’ll be funny”. would literally truly die for her friends and almost did last summer. big scar on her face from it. we dont talk about that. bi solidarity w Jamie and i love it

Max Enfield: a gay mess and a surprise fav like u think hes a dick and then he grows on u. in love w jamie (and jamie is dumb so does not know this) but got so scared abt it he retreated and knows he ruined everything. pretends to be dumb but is actually v v smart. just never has the shared braincell of the group. runs from love bc thinks he doesn’t deserve it esp w Jamie who he thinks hung the fuckin moon tbh, when he’s scared he turns it to angry or funny to hide it. fear is weakness says him and no one else!!! wonderfully sarcastic

Cooper Calloway: team leader. missing ring and pinky finger on his right hand. we also dont talk about that. the absolute mom friend and kind of a kill joy but it comes from love he just wants everyone to be safe. definitely the one that makes food for everyone at 3 AM when they’re drunk. terrified of failure and sees what happened last summer as his fault bc he made the plans. we love him even tho hes pretentious at times. 

Lou Eisner: i’d do anything for them!!!!! can read anyone like a book but keeps it to themselves bc they r sensitive and loving and r always there for anyting ppl need but won’t push or persist. They just Know Everything and will shut up abt it until u come to them w a “secret” and they r like yeah i know lol. but do keep any secret u tell them and wouldnt tell it even if they had a gun to their head!! probably knows all of their friends’ love languages bc they r an angel. very good at knowing exactly what ppl need and how and why. love getting high. obsessed w the supernatural they know every cryptid ever probably. 

(phew that was way too long sorrrryyyy!!!)

💕: what has your favorite scene been?

Probably the scene where the Bastards all finally reuinte together after a year apart!!!!! and get super high and have the best time. oh those were the days.

second to that is probably when they find Jamie at the bridge. I love these kids sm

💖: are you planning on publishing it? if so, how?

this and wtdss I definitely wanna publish but it still feels v far in the future so figuring stuff out. have a few friends of friends who r published YA authors that I have talked to!! We shall see. I definitely want HFoT out in the world!! it deserves it I think. even if my actual writing quality says otherwise lol 

writer wip asks✨

[arnorcttos]

( ludovico tersigni + 22 + muse 59 ) isn’t that apollo amoretto over there? i heard HE joined faction: nomads after they got back to west ham. it’s funny, ‘cause they were only on the service trip to terrorize his peers. hopefully they fit in there – they’re ADROIT, but also INDELICATE. oh, i’m sure they’ll be fine. ( james, she/they, 20, EST )

okay hi i’m james and this is my baby apollo, who is actually a brand new spankin’ muse of mine so !! we’ll see how this goes b/c i’ve literally never rp’d him before !! and i’ll b frank. his background is inspired by logan in veronica mars. sue me. actually don’t i’m already in college debt but sudfjkfg PLEATHE plot w/ him. leave a like. two likes. that’s not even possible. i may change his fc in the future b/c like ... i’m currently making his gif icons as i go and to b frank ,,, it’s rly hard sdjfkgh but i love him. so we’ll see. sdjnfkmgh

TRIGGER WARNING - DEATH, MURDER, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

a e s t h e t i c s

fingers across keyboards and piano keys, m&m’s scattered, vintage gaming consoles and tangled wires, worn vans and broken skateboards, banging of drums and splintering drumsticks, deep rhythms beating with your heart, the hum of a hefty computer and the buzz of a monitor, green text against black screens, unruly hair unkempt, flannels filling closets, bloody baseball bats, posters lining up and down walls, loud punk music shaking the walls, glares and whispers, the suffocation that comes with loneliness, pills rattling in their bottles, unmade beds.

general info !!

full name: apollo casimir amoretto

nickname(s): caz, polly, lover boy, 2000 (b/c of his screen names lmaoo)

b.o.d. - january 31st, aquarius boi

label(s): the escapist, the hellion, the insurgent, the netizen, etc. etc.

height: hitting 6′0″

hometown: west ham, kansas !

sexuality: bi...? fucking. it’s pride month ofc he’s bi.

his stats are TBD but his pinterest is HERE !

biography !!

cristian amoretto and camilla silvestri had a romance that could be described turbulent at best, and down right explosive at worst

cristian, a native italian actor whose career began before he could walk, and camilla, the daughter of two italian immigrants with big dreams in a small town, met on the set of a coffee shop. their love story began quickly, dating within only a few months of knowing each other and engaged before the year was up

camilla walked down the aisle 6 months pregnant with lil’ baby apollo, who was then born in west ham, kansas, aka the town that camilla’s family had settled in

was raised primarily by his mother and grandparents! his father was often off shooting movies, leaving camilla to take on the role of stay-at-home mom despite her own dreams of making it big as an actress

apollo grew up as a huge momma’s boy -- i mean, god, he just really loved this mother, y’know? his relationship with his father was much rockier because of his ... lack of being around.

when his grandparents died around the age of eight, that’s when things got...worse. it felt as if camilla’s parents were the only barrier between camilla and cristian’s budding wrath.

it became more apparent that cristian was not meant for the family life, his anger quick and his fists quicker, stinging words and venomous glares. a control freak who couldn’t handle camilla being an independent woman.

this wasn’t apparent to the neighbors, or much of the town in general, because the amorettos were such a prominent family up in their mini-mansion in oak ridge -- it was hard to imagine that their life was anything but exquisite and dreamlike.

this was, of course, up until camilla filed for divorce and a restraining order in the same day, face bruised and nearly unrecognizable. she, obviously, got custody of apollo.

at this point in time, apollo was fourteen and...pretty stoked for them to get away from his father. they holed up in southside and life continued as normal. for the time being. gossip swarmed apollo at school surrounding the circumstance which was annoying, to say the least. it led to him becoming withdrawn from the other students, not getting the whole ... gossip appeal.

in hindsight, they should’ve moved out of west ham. death threats in the form of letters and the eerie feeling of eyes constantly being on them came to a halt on apollo’s graduation day: the day that his father also, coincidentally, murdered his mother.

for making me miss out on years of my son’s life, was cristian’s excuse as he was escorted from the bloody crime scene at their apartment and into the police car.

obviously, cristian was convicted and sentenced to prison. apollo still has dreams about testifying in court against his father.

and then apollo became known not as the son of two celebrities, but the son of a murderer. total bummer !

became even more withdrawn and almost dropped out of college a few good times! the only thing that kept him rooted to west ham was his band.

and now he can’t leave, and he’s surrounded by people who all look at him weird and he feels like they’re all expecting him to be like his father, and he’s not, but god -- when people expect you to be one way, it’s so hard to act otherwise. it’s just not a good time !

pretty much why he went on the service trip tbh ... like, y’know ... if ppl want to believe that he’s just as bad as his dad then damn ! he was gonna wreck sm havoc on the trip, just being an absolute nuisance. 

personality !!

his main focuses are computers / video games, drums / his band, and like ... skating ... vaping ... gamer things, y’know.

from a young age he’d always been very fascinated by video games, and being the Rich Boi (tm) that he was, ended up with a whole lot of them to play, on a whole bunch of consoles.

but like ... he’s a PC guy :/ he may have a super rare nintendo 64 console or two but nothing can beat his dual-monitor set up with his hand-build computer !

he also got real into hacking, y’know, just small things like watching security cameras in different cities and occasionally changing his grades b/c like ... who wouldn’t ? also ... cheated in dark souls. fucking loser.

his favorite games to play were always multiplayer games online like WoW and overwatch so !! he’s pretty fucking mad he can’t play them anymore. like. so mad. genuinely furious. he’s been trying to hack his way into like ... wifi or something dumb, ever since they got stranded in new west ham, but he’s had no luck !

he joined a band in high school because he was angsty and young, and like, turned out to be really good on drums ?? they had like ... some real big jimmy eat world / green day / say anything / old school fall out boy vibes. just a whole bunch of ‘fuck the government, fuck the authority, anarchy, rebellion, revolt revolt revolt’ angry rock music that got a buuunch of noise complaints during practice.

his role in the band was essentially the ~nerdy~ one, because he was a gamer, but like he was also Edgy and Angry and wore all black like Constantly (he still does who are we kidding)

probably paints his nails black and has a nose ring b/c gamers can be edgy too !!

huuuuuge junk food junkie. like ... he will consume Everything and Anything unhealthy. has a huge sweet tooth, he can’t remember the last time he’s drank straight up water.

but like ... he’s a loner pretty much. only friends he really bothered keeping were his bandmates and like ! half of them went missing along with the rest of the town so ! he’s feeling a lil’ lost

but not lost enough to do Nothing, y’know ?? coming back to west ham to an empty town awoke his little baby survivalist in him, probably due to a lot of survival games he played online, and he immediately took over his old home in oak ridge ! it was pretty much rotting there with his dad in jail, but not anymore !!

has also probably broken into a few homes already tbh b/c he’s just. ruthless. impulsive. if it feels like the end of the world then he’s yolo’ing, he’s peace-ing out, u cannot stop him.

uuhhh so he’s got this fucking...pomsky, right? her name is tulip. she was camilla’s before she passed away and like, what is apollo gonna do, huh ? put the dog in a shelter ? hell fucking nah. that’s his dog now.

unfortunately tulip isn’t the most .... tough looking dog. apollo set up a bunch of fucking speakers around the property of his dad’s house and plays large barking noises whenever somebody gets too close, just to ward off intruders, but like ... there’s no fucking big dogs man. it’s just apollo and tulip.

this isn’t like a Personality Trait but idk where to put it so ! apollo’s on antidepressants b/c like ... y’know ... the whole dad-murdering-mom thing sort of fucked him up a lot ! they make him feel pretty blah and diminished his sex drive so like ... hook ups aren’t really an option for him atm !

besides that he smokes a lot of weed b/c self medication

he’s ... sort of an asshole. like ... he can be rude and he doesn’t have much of a filter and i don’t know if there’s any softness left to him ! he just really misses his mom and his bandmates and has a lot of wishes involving changing the past and he reacts badly to things because he’s so defensive and on edge constantly.

he misses twitter the most, tho.

no but he’s just like. .. sad gamer boi ... a man and his dog ... who also carries like five knives on him and definitely knows where his dad kept his gun.

like he’s not socially awkward or necessarily Bad with people .. he’s just bad with people :/ doesn’t try hard enough ! is a little too apathetic ! chaotic to true neutral

wanted connections !!

i envision his band to have like ... four or five members including him. two guitar electric guitar, one bass, one drums / keyboard, any of them singing idk that’s not important. and since two of them have Disappeared, i’d like the One (or two) that Remains ! anarchy boys !

generally .. anybody else who is tryn to survive, that maybe he can bond with or completely clash with ??

i’d love enemies, just ppl he Refuses to get along with or they are just on bad terms for whatever reason

people he’s trying to not ! not get along with ! but it just doesn’t work out b/c like ... lbr, apollo’s pretty bad with other people.

just any falling outs.

uuhh ... maybe a few somewhat-friendships ! like... awkward acquaintances

ppl he knew primarily from high school / haven’t spoken to since

maybe one or two ppl who’s soft towards him or he’s soft towards or vice versa b/c like ! i’ll b real .. it’s pretty nice to have !

ex-flings, ex-somethings, ex-gfs, bfs, anything from the past.

hookup gone bad b/c he couldn’t get it up b/c antidepressants be like that (this is based off of a true story can we get a sad yeehaw in here)

gaming pals from before no wifi.

skater buds. vaping buds. b/c i can confirm that apollo owns like three juuls. stoner buds.

someone he’s like ... hesitantly forming an alliance with b/c sometimes it’s easier when you have someone on ur team ! b/c then drama when one of them betrays the other uwu

somebody trying 2 break into his house b/c u Know it’s got some good shit in there but he’s just like ‘alexa play dogs barking audio’ and then ur muse is like ... there’s no fucking dogs

juul pod dealer. that’s all.

i’m down for anything rly !! pleathe hmu !!