#I’m a bit regretful I spent a lot of lockdown on there in a fandom with like a game of thrones level tension

[behaemoth]

I’m just remembering the time I posted a thought and someone with a dedication to being condescending and smarter than everyone chose to misread it and told me to use my brain for a minute and then agreed with the point I was actually making

[lucyqueenofchaos]

Hi! I'm new here :)

My name is Lucy and I am a Twitch Streamer. I'm 22 years old, and I live in Aotearoa New Zealand. I have been streaming since September 2021, and achieved Affiliate status in October 2021. I stream Overwatch 2 three times a week - Quick Play with my community on Mondays and Wednesday, and Ranked/Competitive on Saturdays. I enjoy meeting people through the game, and making wonderful new friends throughout the Oceanic streaming community. I have a wide and varied community, with regular viewers tuning in from all around the world. I want to tell you a little about me, because I've never had the chance to really to properly introduce myself to the internet.

I'm a lover of all things fandom - in fact back in 2015 - 2018 I ran a very successful fandom blog right here on Tumblr. I am currently enjoying the newest season of Doctor Who, at the same time as finishing my complete Criminal Minds rewatch in preparation for the newest season. I spend a lot of time playing Overwatch 2, but I also enjoy playing Fortnite, Detroit: Become Human, Sea Of Thieves and more! In my spare time I'm also quite partial to playing some Pokemon: Go - it's a highly addictive game. Last year I got back into reading when I purchased a kindle for myself. If there's one thing I'll never regret, it's the purchase of my kindle! It comes everywhere with me, and I also enjoy writing reviews over on Goodreads. I am currently reading The Assassins Blade, as I am doing a full reread of the Maasverse. Throne Of Glass is my comfort series, but back in the day my comfort series was Maximum Ride (still is if I'm being honest). AJR are my favourite band, but I do enjoy listening to some Taylor Swift sometimes too. In 2022 I was lucky enough to see AJR live on their OK Orchestra tour - and I was even front row! That concert was my first ever, and I will cherish those memories forever.

I am privileged enough to have the amazing combo of Autism and ADHD, and this shapes the way I stream. I have built my community from the ground up with the intention of creating a safe space for other gamers who may share some of my struggles and experiences, and for those who haven’t as well. I enjoy fostering a sense of belonging and love for all within my community. I am legally blind, and this also colours the way I play. As a disabled gamer, I am an advocate for accessibility, whether that be by redesigning user interfaces, or going through all the accessibility options within a game with my community. I am a very transparent streamer, and never hide my struggles from my community. Quite recently I had to take quite a bit of time off streaming and playing Overwatch due to health issues that resulted in an invasive surgery 3 weeks ago. Less than a week later, I was back and better than ever - although my competitive playtime for this season is a bit lower than it should be due to missing the first few weeks of the season. But don’t worry, I’m not rusty at all! I’ve spent every spare minute since I returned teaching myself new skills and brushing up on my old ones!

I began streaming during the second full scale Covid-19 Lockdown in Aotearoa, as a way to stay in touch with some of my friends better. I began by streaming Fall Guys and Slime Rancher, but slowly branched out and tried every single video game I could get my hands on. I had spent my whole life being told that video games were for boys, and so when I realised the internet had become my playground, I tried every single game I could. I eventually realised I enjoyed playing Fortnite and when Overwatch 2 released, my community requested that I try it. My first week was one to remember - I had no idea what was going on, and had never played an FPS before. I was very overwhelmed, but my community cheered me on. The more I played Overwatch, the more I realised that I had finally found my place in the gaming world. It wasn’t long until I switched my branding away from being a variety streamer and made Overwatch 2 my sole focus. My community loved it, and I haven’t looked back since.

My favourite part of playing Overwatch 2 (and what constantly keeps me on my toes) is the counter play. Nothing thrills me more than to see my opponent play Widowmaker and give me a chance to play Sombra, or the chance to switch onto Zayra because the enemy tank has gone D.Va. Win or lose, I always have a good time - as a good friend once told me, a loss for me is a win for someone else. That being said, the thrill of winning and knowing that my team were better coordinated is always a rush! I love this game for its ever changing meta, which has forced me to expand my hero pool over the years. I went from only playing Soldier 76, to playing Sombra, Echo, Baptiste, Ana, Zayra, D.Va, Pharah and more. I also really enjoy the social aspect of Overwatch 2. Whilst the OW2 match chat is famously toxic, there are some truly fantastic people out there. I will admit, I do also enjoy coming up with great insults and jokes when someone is rude in the chat!

I'm starting this blog to give myself a place to write and share my thoughts in more depth. Nobody wants to hear me babble on about consumerism or some really niche book for hours on stream, Instagram is all about photos, and Twitter doesn't give me enough characters to bother. So here I am, back on the first social media platform I ever used. I've always wanted to have a proper blog, so I'm going to give it a go. If you have any tips or feedback, or topics you want to see me write about - let me know and I'll do my best to cover them!

If you've read this far, thank you. I'm just a girl, chasing her dreams across the internet - hoping to make some friends along the way. I can't wait to see where this takes me! My Twitch <3 My Instagram ^-^ My Twitter :3 My TikTok :D

[pro-bee]

I interrupt the usual fandom spirals for some Real Talk:

Those of you who are passionate about something and want to make a career out of it, but then dismiss it to do something “safe” because there’s no money in it?

Don’t discount your feelings.

I’ve got a lot of regrets in my life, but one of the biggest is that I didn’t listen to the voice in my head that told me what I liked (in my case, photography/film), because it wasn’t really presented as a viable career option in my education. And while I was never going to make it in STEM, like my peers, I at least followed the humanities stream thinking a BA would get me at least a desk job somewhere that would provide a living. Unlike anything in the arts, the ones I really liked.

Basically, I was a scaredy cat. (Which I am about everything in life!)

I knew in college that I liked media, but film classes were boring and weird, so I pivoted into something more “concrete” like Psych (ha!). Meanwhile, in my core classes, I’d be jealous of the kids who were in Photography or Visual Arts or Film, but told myself, I had no talent in that, all the classes would do would kill any interest I had left. It was too late to change now.

(Too late!!! I was like 17 or 18!!! I was a baby!!!)

So then I went into another “safe” program in university, finished my degree, went into a tangentially related masters program because “this may as well happen” and coasted through life. I just figured I’d graduate with another degree and get myself a safe job with safe benefits and just muddle through life.

Again, I knew what things I loved, but I thought, it’s too late, I’m too old, I have to get going.

I was 25!!! Again!!! Still a baby!!!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I shoulder this blame myself. I am a coward. I am generally meek unless someone pisses me off really badly. I have low self-esteem and no confidence and am painfully shy. All of these things are hurdles I have struggled with on a daily basis my whole life and make it difficult to start anything new.

But I wish I realized then that it doesn’t matter.

I lived my whole life thinking, fulfillment is something other people get. Professional happiness and success is something other people get. Most people don’t get that, so don’t even bother. Just try to get through it all.

Now I think, why the fuck couldn’t I have gotten that kind of fulfilment if I’d wanted it? Why did I always believe that was something for other people to have, but not me?

I’ve been talking to two of my high school friends lately, two who were some of my closest friends for years, but with whom I rarely spoke to in recent years not because of any fallout, but just because of life and distance. (One of them lives on the other side of the world now.) And we’ve each had these conversations lately expressing the exact same feelings.

How we never pursued anything creative or different from the status quo, because our high school education did not value that or present it as a viable option. How we have kept bouncing around these jobs we might have been good at, but didn’t actually like, because it was the “adult” thing to do.

How we had all these other skills and talents that we didn’t even realize or understand or care to pursue.

And now, with us all being in lockdown for the last half year and having lots of time to think about what it all means, we realize, we were young. We had so much potential. Why did we let what others told us was acceptable dictate our paths?

Because my whole life, I’ve been terrified of ending up broke and without safety net. I’ve seen relatives struggle with that, even my parents, and financial insecurity has been the abyss I never wanted to face.

But all that fear was for nothing. Because here I am, all these years later, without any kind of career, in a dead end job that takes advantage of me, without any kind of real prospect for future in my current state.

So all that fear was pointless. All those years spent ignoring the voice in me that knew what I liked to do if I only admitted it, are years I could have been pursuing something that made me happy. (Frankly, it’s hard to believe I could make any less money than I make now anyway.) All those years spent telling myself doing whatever I was doing would be safe and lead to a stable future, I could have actually been building something that was going to help me reach those goals.

This is a very privileged point of view, I realize. Not everyone has a job they love and do whatever it takes to get by.

And I’m also not saying that your passions will allow you to find a job directly. I know not everyone gets to be a Broadway star or Olympic champion or basket weaver or whatever floats your boat.

But if I can say anything to younger people out there, who are getting ready to go back to high school or college or graduating and are struggling with this, it’s that, if something makes you happy, don’t discount that. Pursue it. Maybe it doesn’t lead you to a job directly, but it may lead you to an industry that captures the same feeling that your passions give you.

There is so much pressure to do the “right” thing and toil away in jobs that don’t pay enough and don’t appreciate you and will inevitably end or keep you on but crush you big by bit. Believe me, I graduated university in the midst of a recession, and it basically shaped the rest of my adult life.

You have value. Your interests have value. Your feelings have value.

You have so much of life ahead of you. And nothing is ever guaranteed. If you have a light inside you that’s guiding you, don’t discount it.

I wish I could do it all over again. I wish that so much it hurts. But I’m trying to figure out a way to make it better.

It’s so hard to find a path for most of us. Not everyone is blessed with knowing their purpose in life, especially not at the age at which society expects us to figure it out. And it’s ok not to figure it out, or try to change course when you’re older.

But I just want you to know, especially those of you who are still struggling with school, that it’s ok to be confused and it’s ok not to know what to do. But if you do start to figure it out, don’t let your peers or your parents or your environment tell you that it doesn’t matter. It absolutely does matter. You matter.

It isn’t too late to try, and you don’t know what you’ll find when you do.