#I’m frankly kinda glad my blog isn’t that popular

[kiwisandpearls]

as much as I understand people who lament over the decline of people who reblog stuff, and I say this in the nicest way possible:

the way some of you talk about this makes it sound like fewer people choosing to reblog fandom works on tumblr killed your grandma

[maxwell-grant]

OK, I know this will probably be painful, and I may be a bad mutual for asking but...would you be willing to identify what, in your opinion are the bottom five worst Shadow adaptations, and give a detailed breakdown of why they were so lousy?

Oh christ, okay. I don't think you're gonna get as much of a detailed breakdown for these compared to some of the others, because I take more issue with adaptations that do have good qualities but also big or deep problems to talk about.

For example, I can't include Garth Ennis's Shadow in this list because the comic has a lot of strong points to it, despite a deeply, deeply detestable take on The Shadow's character, where as the rest of the Dynamite run doesn't reach neither the lows or highs of his run. Likewise, Andy Helfer's run has a couple or a couple dozen moments every issue that make me want to tear something to shreds in frustration, but it's also at many points a really good comic with great art and some occasionally very inspired writing. Really, I'd just be repeating myself talking about what I hate in those.

But, fine, let's list some of the others.

I think I'm just gonna have to get the elephant in the room out of the way here, and address that I won't be including Si Spurrier's 2017 Dynamite mini in this list, and I think at least some of you might be angry it's not Number 1 by default. I'm doing this because I intend to one day really revisit it, think about it and it's reception and what it was trying to do, and talk about it on it's own, now that it's been 5 years and everyone has moved on and we can maybe talk about it without kneejerk hatred driving everyone nuts (your mileage may vary on how warranted it was).

I'm also not going to be talking about James Patterson's new novel, because I haven't read it. It seems to be considered a forgettable potboiler by mainstream critics and a resounding failure by everyone who likes the character whether they've read the book or not, and frankly I don't have it in me to learn what the fuzz was about anytime soon, I got my hands way too full as is.

And I won't be including the Batman x Shadow crossovers here, because again, they do have a lot of virtues that put them far ahead of some of the really worst Shadow media, and I've talked enough about how badly I think they mangled The Shadow, which is really the big problem I have with them (well, that and Tim Sale blatantly copying a Michael Kaluta cover, that was really shitty). I don't really hate them anymore, I just get tired and frustrated thinking about parts of them, I said my piece as is. Really, my frustration over this comic is what inspired me to start writing about The Shadow here, so I guess in a way I do owe it at least that much.

5: Archie Comics's Shadow

I think some of you might be wondering why this isn't ranked higher, but to be honest, I don't actually harbor any hatred towards this. I mean, I have to include it, but I find it kinda silly that some people even today actually care about the existence of this comic enough to hate it.

For fans back then? Oh yeah, obviously, but this dropped to such instantaneous backlash that it never really got to live past 6 issues. Really, everything wrong about it can be understood immediately from the covers, and I've actually read the comic in it's entirety to see if there was anything worth taking. I found only a couple of things of note but, no, this really is just a painfully mediocre superhero comic that happens to have a couple of Shadow names in it. If anything, it gets too much credit.

The actual contents of what it is are never going to justify it's reputation, but the existence of it and the disproportionate response to it is the funniest and most enduring legacy it could ever ask for. This whole comic is The Shadow's version of Spongebob's embarassing Christmas photo.

4: David Liss's The Shadow Now

This is another "The Shadow as an immortal in modern times" comic and I think you may have noticed the pattern with those by now. I may revisit this eventually and I do have some moments from it saved for reference, but overall: It sucks, and it doesn't even suck in a way that lets me talk much about it, it's a diet version of Chaykin's Shadow. If Archie's Shadow is a generic mediocre superhero comic wearing The Shadow's name, this is a generic crime story playing beats from movie. The Shadow is an asshole and not even a grandiose or sinister one, he just feels like a sleazy douche in a costume. The art is a 50/50 coin toss between appropriately moody and "Google images with a filter on them", I don't remember anything about the plot other than Khan had a bomb again and he had a daughter, and there were new versions of the agents and the Harry stand-in turned evil and Lamont shacked up with Margo's descendant which, uh, no. I don't really hate this but I really have nothing nice to say about this comic other than Colton Worley's art is nice sometimes. I can't really muster anything else to say here.

3: Invisible Avenger

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZ...

...uuh, wha-

Yeah, I remember nothing about this one other than it's painfully boring and nothing about it, nothing at all, works in the slightest and I drift off to sleep even now trying to give this a rewatch. To be honest pretty much every other Shadow serial not starred by Victor Jory sucks and I don't really have anything to say about them, this one is just the worst of the lot. I dearly wish there was a good Shadow tv series but, if it was going to be like this pilot? Good riddance.

2: Harlan Ellison's The New York Review of Bird

This isn't really a Shadow story as much as it's a Harlan Ellison story that happens to feature The Shadow, but man am I glad that Ellison's "Dragon Shadows" was canned, because holy shit what a goddamn nightmare Harlan Ellison writing The Shadow for real could have been, going purely by the one time he ever touched the character. New York Review of Bird is a purely farcical parody story that wears real, real thin even before "Uncle Kent" shows up, and we get to see in it what is by far the most detestable and irredeemable take on The Shadow ever put on print, and not even in a critique or deconstructive way or anything that could be remotely worth discussing.

I don't hold any particular affection for Harlan Ellison and his writing (despite liking some of it) and I've come to notice the major red flag that is finding someone who looks up to Harlan Ellison in any capacity as a person, and this story in particular really feels like Ellison aggressively trying to channel his jackass tendencies through every line, just him being nasty because he built a personal brand on being nasty. The only reason this isn't Number One is because it's a very short story that saw zero influence or reputation, and thus it only exists as a brief mention in The Shadow wiki, and a brief mention is all it really calls for.

1: Howard Chaykin's Blood & Judgment

I'm guessing most of you already knew this one was in the top spot before I started writing.

I would actually rather not write a big piece on Blood & Judgment, because I think (or at least I hope) it's influence on The Shadow has waned a lot over the years and I would prefer to draw it the least amount of attention possible, but if I HAVE to talk about this, I guess I'd rather just vomit this out of my circuits now instead of giving it it's own post.

I would prefer to use a less unpleasant image on my blog, but if I'm going to talk about this comic, there's no image to better convey it than this drawing of macho asshole Cranston holding a sexualized mannequin at gunpoint. By leaps and bounds, Blood & Judgment is the most misogynistic Shadow story I've ever read. It's ironic that Chaykin justified the rampant misogyny he gave The Shadow with the idea that this is just a man from the 30s would act like, when he admits in the same breath that he never even touched the stories, and he wrote a story more sexist and demeaning to it's female characters than anything, literally anything, written in the Shadow pulps. It's almost impressive even.

I'll paste some segments from Randy Raynaldo's review

In Flagg, he intended to present his own point of view on American society while keeping his work tongue in cheek and acessible. But this vision dimmed, and Flagg had become a vehicle by which Chaykin could play out fetishes and portray gratuitous and stylish violence.

In The Shadow, stripped of the political and social veneer which was supposed to make Flagg unique, Chaykin's sensibilities and excesses become disturbingly apparent. For all of his liberal posturing, Chaykin's work demonstrates zero difference from the same kind of mentality exploited and made popular by similarly violent popular culture icons like Dirty Harry and Death Wish.

More than half a dozen individuals are indiscriminately and violently murdered in the first issue. Although the victims are characters who played major roles in the myth of The Shadow, we feel little sympathy for them, even for those of us who knew these characters at the outset. Who dies is unimportant, it's how they die that is the fascination.

Chaykin uses sexual decadence as a means by which to establish villains, and undercuts this device by making the protagonists as promiscuous as the villains. For all of Chaykin's seemingly liberal leanings, he demonstrates very little sensitivity in his portrayal of women.

Because everything works on rules of three, this comic also follows the pattern with other works mentioned here, as this isn't Howard Chaykin writing The Shadow: it's The Shadow reimagined as a Howard Chaykin character. He looks and acts exactly like Reuben Flagg and the typical macho protagonist of Chaykin's other works, he's a cynical sleaze with an entirely new origin who half-assedly dons a garb to machine gun people, and I already wrote a separate piece on why the machineguns are kind of emblematic of everything wrong with this take.

I understand that Chaykin has, or used to have, a big following of sorts, and I've tried to wrap my head around this for years, but I genuinely still don't get why Shadow fans stomach this comic unless they happen to be Chaykin fans first and foremost, I really don't. Everything, fucking everything Shadow fans hate about modern depictions of the character can be traced right back to this. The parts that stuck and changed the character for the worse, like him being defined as an immortal, bloodthirsty warmonger who got all his skills and powers from a magic city in Tibet, or Lamont Cranston being a coward who fears and hates the Shadow, or his agents being expendable slaves, stuff that has been ingrained into the mythos through this and the Alec Baldwin movie and other comics, to the point that people now think of it as the norm, that it's the baseline of what The Shadow is, and I hate it, I genuinely fucking hate it,

I hate it so much that it's a big part of the reason why I created this blog and why I want so badly to get to write The Shadow, because I plainly couldn't stand not having ways to tell people that this is all wrong, that this is actively shooting down the character's odds for success, and that they are missing out on something really great, because the well has been tainted with garbage that won't go away and everytime I read the words Shambala in a Shadow comic, even an otherwise good or great one, I get just a wee bit cross.

The only semi-redeeming aspects I can think of for this comic is one or two cool moments, like when The Shadow hijacks a concert using his Devil's Whisper or when he tames dogs with a stare. Just breadcrumbs of "not garbage" amidst an ocean of anything but. I hate that talking about why I hate this comic in-length can almost feel like I'm still enticing people to check it out of curiosity, but if you wanna do that, fine, just know this: The worst part of Blood & Judgment, even if you don't care at all about what it did to The Shadow, is that it's boring.

It is a deeply boring comic. If you like Howard Chaykin to begin with, you'll probably like this okay (although even Chaykin fans told me that this is his weakest work and that even he seems to agree). If you don't, I plain don't see what you could get out of this.

The comic itself is just nothing. It's the comic book equivalent of a pre-schooler trying to get a reaction by swearing. It has nothing whatsoever other than half-assed attempts at shock value. The plot isn't there, the ideas are stale, the dialogue is needlessly oblique and comprised entirely of unfinished sentences, interrupted conversations and one-liners without build-up. The characters are all unlikable and uninteresting stooges with no personality, or joyless cartoons. There's no heart or emotion or logic, and it isn't even funny enough to succeed as just an outrageous exercise in 80s excess. There's nothing in here.

I get "why" it was popular enough at the time, a rising star creator penning a modern revival of an old character based on controversy that pissed off the old fans, it's an old story that still gets repeated today. But manufactured controversy is not a replacement for storytelling and it rarely ever exists to benefit the people who actually want to enjoy the stories, it only benefits those for the crude benefit of those who want to sell you something out of the controversy.

I guess they got their money's worth back then.

------------------------------------------------

Phew, okay, I did it, I finally vomited out a piece on Blood & Judgment and some others, allright, let's put this piece of negativity behind us now.

[southern-belle-outcasts]

4, 5, and 20 mun views

Mun Views 

4. On your fandom. 

Which one lmao....um, well X-Men? Cool, a lot of the fandom to some degree is drawn cuz they can relate be they part of some type of minority group. Don’t see too many assholes, I think most of the jerks that were on here fell off during nippocalypse. There is a divide with the comic elitists vs xmcu and it’s dumb. I used to be an xmcu blog cuz I WANTED to read the comics but I was a broke ass college student who had literally no access to that, but I’d seen Wolverine and the X-Men, plus the movies that were out at the time. If I’d let those asses run me off, well, wouldn’t have continued to build my comic book collection (I’d already read Batman, Superman, Spider-Man, I’m talking specifically X-Men comics).

Arrowverse? I don’t follow many of the blogs, I have a select few I follow. My fandom experience is pretty much my friends with fairly similar views so I can’t speak on the fandom outside of the fact there’s a loooot of veiled hating on women of color under the guise of griping with the crappy writing. I try to avoid it. I don’t hold with Iris and Cecile hate, they’re good characters subjected to the writing of white men, what do you want.

Star Wars? NOPE. Hell naw. No thank you. Bye. I have no interest. I make it very clear this is a “the prequels are the shit, TCW is a fucking joke and trashes the characters, not!Star Wars mouse sequels are non-existent, the og EU is not legends it’s the only recognized canon” blog, and I’m this unapologetically. I have extremely strong opinions, I’ve literally been in the fandom since I was 6, I’ve spent hours reading EU content, visual dictionaries and encyclopedias, concept art of the movies books, comics, novelizations, etc. If you’re a stan of the other...stuff, I’ll probably say shit that will offend you and it’s probably for the best you don’t follow me cuz I’m not censoring these opinions, ever, at all. And for the love of all things holy, if you want to call R*ylo okay, or Anidala toxic, we meeting up behind Denny’s, yo.

Supernatural? Kinda sorta, considering I don’t link Nil and Farrar to any of the show canon besides using some of the monster lore. Like we don’t do the appropriation of native spirituality on this blog, so there’s no use of W*nd*g* cuz you’re not supposed to write or say that, like no. I have major problems with the show, that’s a mile and a half long, past season 5 it went downhill, they really should have left Swan Song as the finale. The queer baiting and bury the gays, the trash trash trash finale, the way any poc and female characters are handled, there’s so much oof. I stay away from it. Honestly kind of nice to see the SPN crowd was mostly quiet, it was RAMPANT when I first got on here, and there was a looot of drama. The way the extreme crowd of the fandom conducts themselves with the actors and stuff tells you a lot. Another nope. I prefer to stick to fandomless urban fantasy.

5. On exclusivity. 

If that’s someone’s jam, that’s cool. Doesn’t bother me. At one point I was exclusive to a few versions of characters. Not anymore, but I can understand how sometimes someone just clicks for you to the extent it rubs you wrong seeing a different version. It doesn’t stop me from writing with other people so I literally give no fucks and don’t see why anyone else should either.

20. On 'popular' blogs. 

Here’s where I piss a lot of people off, and I don’t really fucking care, as having at one point been an even more actively sought out blog back when the MCU was taking off in 2012-2014 and having tons of asks and thread requests, I can more than speak on what it’s like being a popular blog.Technically still am, you don’t have to take my word for it, just look in my thread tracker, and that’s not even all the threads cuz some are in drafts cuz they’re starters and I can’t add yet.

There’s nothing wrong with people enjoying your writing and following you. Awesome, good for you. It often proves to be a lot for people and I don’t like when I see people biting off more than they can chew but still pushing for more followers and asks and threads. Frankly, it’s really, really rude. I get wanting to make people happy, or wanting to try new threads and stuff, but you should also be reasonable with how much you can manage. If I see someone complaining about having too many drafts and asks and then not being able to write because of the pressure, but then daily pushing their promo or their wire or memes...and nothings coming of it...and they’re admitting they can’t get their muse to reply...then STOP. “You don’t owe anyone anything” means you don’t owe anyone respect and obligations that aren’t due.

When you decide to join a collaborative writing hobby, you’re still committing to your partners to write to some degree. Now if that means you’re going to be slow, and super minimal with which followers you actually interact with THAT IS FINE...as long as you have that communicated and make it very clear to the people who follow you they’re probably just following to be lurkers. But I can’t get with constantly pulling for interaction then within the same day the whole inbox is being dumped, drafts are being dumped, the same three people are the only ones ever getting a reply for the past three months, etc.

There’s been times I’ve said I can’t plot right now, there’s been weeks I bump all the memes in my queue further down so that they don’t post so I can catch up. I’m so secure with partners I don’t follow back unless I get my rules code sent in (newsflash: 9/10 I never see it). I never post a promo. I really don’t need to, if I see someone I really want to interact with on my dash, I’ll follow first, but I can’t in good conscious promote myself when I’m at a decent spot keeping up with a LOT. Sometimes I’m really glad I’m a multi with OCS and mostly female muses, it helps avoid ever reaching the point where I’m just getting too many followers to keep up with, but giving yourself a cut-off isn’t a bad thing people. Trying to do too much is.

There, I have successfully pissed off a ton of people, but I’m not taking it back. There’s way too much immaturity on this matter on here, and it’s really a litmus test of the people who HAVE been in group hobbies that are interdependent of cooperation of all members offline, and those who haven’t. “It’s my hobby” isn’t this get of of jail free card you get to wave everywhere when you want to ignore people. You can’t pull that in most hobbies that involve more than one person, whatever it may be, if it’s a DND group, rec sports, chess, whatever. This is my hobby too. I just probably take hobbies and commitment to other people to a more...respectful level. If I have real life, or physical issues, of course that takes priority, but here’s a little secret...we ALL, like 99% of the community, have some degree of mental health, nuerodivergence, jobs, home life, chronic physical issues. I want you to single me out the mun that doesn’t have any of that impacting their writing capabilities to some degree. Please, find them for me. You having those things doesn’t make you special and if you can’t communicate that it’s too much, you need the “flood of follows” from your promo circulating but can’t ever write...I’m just sighing over here.

If any of these opinions rub you wrong, I don’t mind you just unfollowing,that’s fine. No one is forcing you to remain. I strongly believe the people that don’t want to remotely take it seriously, and the people that do take it more seriously, should just keep to themselves, that way no one is getting offended by the other for how they choose to enjoy their hobby. You should enjoy it, goddamnit!!! But NOT at the expense of stringing other people along. Communication is kind of essential here, as much as people want to go “I’m too shy, BLOCK”, but y’all I have ADHD, RSD, social anxiety (I used to live in an anxiety attack it was so bad), and I still do my best to communicate with people even on uncomfortable topics. If I can manage, so can you. And if you CAN’T be mature...and communicate...then mayhaps stick to fanfic until you learn how.

[itslaurenmae]

What is this sudden influx of "Cabin in the Woods" reblogs? Did you just see it for the first time? Second time? Umpteenth time? Your take on things must be had, lest the old ones wipe it away.

I am SO GLAD... so BLESSED to receive this ask. This turned into a full-on essay, sooooo buckle up and read on. (TL;DR I rewatched Cabin in the Woods and forgot how much I loved it, sooo yes, you're gonna see a lot of it on my dash) - SPOILERS AHEAD

I rewatched Cabin in the Woods for the second time on Saturday night and DEAR GOD. I’m gonna have NO CHILL while responding to this because I’ve been thinking about it for a day and a half already. 

First of all, I should probably state for the record that I am a longtime Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan. I wasn’t allowed to watch the show when it was airing on television (thanks to my very strict evangelical conservative upbringing) - I found Buffy in my early twenties and fell in love. The subversion of tropes, the excellent character writing hand-in-hand with narrative arcs that actually make sense... it really is one of the greatest shows that’s ever been on TV. Yes, I will fight you about it. I haven’t watched everything Joss Whedon has ever touched, but I also really loved Dr. Horrible’s Singalong Blog and Angel, so I am not a stranger to the Whedonverse.

Cabin in the Woods is the first horror movie I remember watching and genuinely enjoying. Loren and I had decided that, with my being deprived of Halloween traditions (thanks to that upbringing), we wanted to start a new tradition of watching a horror movie on Halloween night. This was back in 2013. Our first daughter was only a few months old. 

I’d seen maaaaybe two other actual horror films before CitW - but I’d long been a fan of books, tv shows, and other mediums in the paranormal family (because that was okay, because it was spiritual - thanks again, upbringing). I think a friend from college had recommended it to us - and once I'd seen it had Joss Whedon as a writer and producer, I knew I'd probably like it. So, we put our daughter to bed, snuggled up, turned off all the lights, and watched our very first Halloween horror movie.

I fell in Love. 

It was funny? And subversive? And I was scared in a good way? 

I had no idea what was going on in the very beginning, but as this tale unspooled itself on our flatscreen, I knew I Loved this movie.

From that day forward, anytime anyone asked me what my favorite horror movie was, I said Cabin in the Woods. 

I said that for seven years.

Somehow, seven years of my life went by? We had another baby? We moved houses? I left jobs and got a new job and Loren moved school sites and wow... somehow it was 2020. We watched lots of horror movies, and not just on Halloween anymore (take that, upbringing!!). We're huge fans of a YouTube channel called Dead Meat, and specifically, a series they do called the Kill Count. 

Every Friday, James A. Janisse and his team release a new video counting down the kills in a horror movie. And when I saw at the end of 2019 that he was going to do one for Cabin in the Woods, I was SO EXCITED.

It had been YEARS since I'd seen it, but I remembered that I Loved it. And yes, I'm using Love with a capital L. I Love this movie. 

Loren and I watched the Kill Count the day it was released. I remembered most of the kills, and I definitely remembered that ending. It made me so happy to watch something about that movie again.

Some time goes by. 

Covid-19 happens. We all get told to shelter in place. 

We log in to Hulu one night after the kids are down to watch Letterkenny, and I see that Cabin in the Woods is streaming. I was SO HAPPY to see it there.

Some more time goes by.

We finished watching Letterkenny. 

We can't pick another show to watch together. So I suggest we watch Cabin in the Woods. 

That was Saturday.

I forgot how much I Love this movie.

I forgot how much I Love Fran Kranz’s character, Marty.

I forgot about how much I Love the look of relief on Kristen Connolly’s character, Dana's, face when Marty shows up at the dock where she's about to be clobbered to death. She thought he was already dead, but no, he's alive. And he clocks Matty Buckner with his giant bong and they run like hell back to the house. 

I forgot that Marty figured out that the whole thing was rigged against them. 

I forgot they break into the elevator to confront The Organization about killing their friends.

I FORGOT ABOUT THE VERY TENDER HUGGING FROM BEHIND IN THAT SCARY AS HELL, MASTERFULLY DONE ELEVATOR SCENE.

I forgot about the very painful and earnest exchange of apologies between Marty and Dana at the end, after they decide they’re gonna let the Ancient Ones rise.

I forgot about the way they scoot to be near each other as the building is coming down. 

I forgot about the way they put their heads together, shivering, as they huddle for some semblance of safety and comfort as the world is ending. 

It's so HUMAN - that last scene between Marty and Dana. And you get this feeling that, if they survived this, they'd maybe have a shot at something good together.

Basically, I forgot how much I Loved this movie.

And it all came back to me on Saturday night.

It's good writing. It's good acting. It's just good.

Something A LOT of media just isn't anymore.

Character writing. Overall narrative. Subversions on the genre. An ending that is tragic and shocking but still MAKES SENSE.

Watching this movie reminded me of the kinds of characters and stories I love. And it had been a long time since I'd watched something I Loved. 

Especially after watching a very popular franchise I love shit the bed last year, I've been feeling very uninspired and unimpressed by most popular media. 

Most shows or movies I've watched from the last decade just feel... soulless. They don't make me feel things. 

They don't affect me. They're numb, they have no heart. They kinda pass the time but they don’t move me.

The characters don't feel real. 

They don't make understandable, human decisions. 

It all feels really stilted. 

And that’s because the writing is bad.

I think most actors out there are doing their best, but there's just been a deluge of seriously shitty writing, and people aren't discriminating enough to either notice or care, or stop spending their money on things that are frankly, poorly crafted cash grabs. 

I don't want to point fingers and name names (because a. that’s been done already, and b. Whedon's not getting off scot-free here, he's one of the men behind one of the biggest franchises of the late 2000s and 2010s) - but somewhere in the last seven years, a lot of soul just died in the writing of American TV and movies. 

But not this movie. 

This movie is real, and it's human, and it's funny and subversive and tonally resonant and I Love it.

So yes, the deluge of content is here because I remembered I Loved this movie.

I Love Marty and Dana and their very human clinging to each other in that crumbling building. 

I Love those scenes in the elevator, I Love the tragedy of sacrificing young people to appease a nameless evil, I Love the way Marty and Dana choose each other over all the rest of humanity, I Love the humor and the wrongness of it all being engineered in an office. 

It's just Good, and I’ve really missed Good Shit. 

So yes, I’m gonna post the hell out of The Cabin in the Woods (2011) on this blog for however long I see fit. Bless you, @iowastubborn, for gracing my inbox with this ask. It’s the first thing I’ve written in MONTHS and it felt good to write about something I Love.

If you need me, you can probably find me in the marty x dana tag at 3am anytime in the foreseeable future.

[time-is-a-pain]

Bella Is Not Impressed: Part Two

Previous, Next

“And that’s how I ended up saving a litter of stray kittens from a Southern Smooth snake”

Bella rolled her eyes as the latest of Lila’s tall tales reached her ears from where she was sitting surrounded by her faithful listeners. 

“That’s bull. Southern Smooth snakes are in southern France. It’s literally in their name.”

“I know I’ve already said it a lot,” Marinette started from her seat across the table, “but I’m so glad there’s someone else here who realizes that Lila is lying.” 

Bella shrugged, “Honestly Mari, um, full offence to Alya and the others, but it’s not even that hard to tell she’s lying.” 

Marinette sagged a little and Bella instantly felt a pang of guilt. She hadn’t meant to make her only friend in the country sad. But she was right, the things Lila tried to sell as the One and Only Truth were quite frankly ridiculous and Bella couldn’t believe anyone bought it. 

“I know,” Marinette grumbled in frustration, “no one will notice the glaring holes in her stories and I can’t even get Alya to fact check any of them.” 

Bella was patting Marinette’s arm when Adrien sat down at their table. “Hey, I heard you guys talking about Lila.”

Bella didn’t miss the way Marinette heaved a sigh and scooted away from her crush. Which was weird considering how hyped she’d been at the idea of sitting together in class. Bella also didn’t miss the mumbled “I didn’t tell her.” aimed towards Adrien. 

“You mean the Liar?” Bella asked bluntly, noting with interest the way Adrien flinched. 

“You haven’t told anyone about her lies, have you?” 

Bella shrugged and folded her arms, “I haven’t seen any reason to yet, and quite honestly I have a bet going with my uncle about how long it’ll take before her Faithful Listeners catch on a hole.” 

Adrien but his utensils down, frowning slightly. “You shouldn’t tell anyone about her lies.” 

Bella raised her eyebrows. “No one, not even if I have a good reason to?” 

Adrien shook his head. “If you tell on her there’s a risk she’d be Akumatized, and no one wants that.”

Marinette deflated more and Bella scowled. “No. If I have a good reason to tell on her, be it that her lie is spreading actually harmful information or that her lie is causing someone to feel bad enough to be Akumatized, then I will.” 

Adrien started to argue but Bella cut him off. “From what I’ve seen of Paris, everyone is at risk of becoming an Akuma. Even those of us right here at this table. I will not, enable anyone to be a manipulative bully just on the off chance that they’ll be forced to show their true colors.”

Bella glared at Adrien, daring him to argue. He didn’t. But he did huff and leave the table. Marinette lightly kicked Bella’s leg under the table, pointing to the other side of the room when she had Bella’s attention. Apparently the group had heard at least part of what Bella had said and were staring at them. Bella couldn’t quite read Lila’s expression,  but everyone else’s was clear. They were all confused as to who the manipulative bully Bella mentioned was. 

Bella sighed and turned away. “Just ignore them. If they want to know they’ll have to tear themselves away from their precious darling and ask.” 

Marinette and Bella finished their lunch in silence, keenly aware of the rest of the class throwing puzzled looks their way. Marinette kept Bella in the lunchroom for a minute after the bell rang and everyone had filtered back to class.

“Can I talk to you after school?” 

Bella agreed, wondering what Marinette wanted to talk about. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

After school let out Bella waited for Marinette by the gate. She knew that Marinette’s bakery wasn’t that far from school and the two of them had agreed to talk there during a lull in class. Bella still didn’t really know what Marinette wanted to talk about, but the way she twisted her hands and wouldn’t look Bella in the face made her worried. 

She greeted Marinette’s parents when they got to the bakery and happily munched on the pastry Mr. Dupain had given her on the way up to Marinette’s room. 

Marinette sat in her desk chair, motioning for Bella to sit on the bed. Bella toed her shoes off and sat cross-legged on the bed.

“So, what did you want to talk to me about?” 

Marinette chewed her lip, obviously finding it hard to start. Bella knew what that was like. 

“Does it have to do with what we were talking about at lunch?” 

Marinette nodded and Bella rolled her head back, thinking about which part of their conversation could have sparked this. 

“What’s the biggest word in your head right now?” 

Marinette brought her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. “Butterfly.” 

Bella felt a knot start twisting itself into her stomach. That word and Marinette’s body language were Not Good together. She started to ask another question, but it seemed that was all Marinette needed to get started. 

“I was almost Akumatized. In the bathroom, Lila’s first day back at school.” 

That knot moved up to Bella’s heart and started burning. She had to remind herself to calm down before she got angry enough to attract a butterfly of her own. 

“I knew she was lying, and she threatened me. Said she would take away all my friends.” 

Bella flexed her hands, biting her lip to keep herself from pointing out that Lila had pretty much already accomplished that. 

“Does Adrien know about that part?” Bella struggled to keep her voice even.

Marinette shook her head, “I couldn’t tell him,” she whispered. “Because Lila threatened to take him away from me too. He made me promise not to expose her. Said it wouldn’t be a good example and it was okay as long as we knew and she wasn’t hurting anyone. He said exposing her wouldn’t make her a better person.” 

Bella sucked in a breath. “Mari, I hate to say this cause I know how much you care about Adrien, but that is a steaming pile of bs. It isn’t your job to make sure Lila becomes a better person and all you’re doing by not calling her out is telling her that it’s okay to walk all over you.” 

Marinette curled up tighter, tears welling up in her eyes. “But what about the chance she’ll get Akumatized?” 

Bella leapt off the bed and went to pull her over to the bed where Bella gently gathered Marinette into her arms, rubbing soothing circles on her back. “Just like I said at lunch, allowing and enabling someone to manipulate their way into ruining someone’s life, your life, is in no way excused by the possibility of Lila being Akumatized.” 

Marinette nodded, burying her face in Bella’s neck to hide her tears. Bella rocked them back and forth, rubbing Marinette’s back and humming her favorite tune. Some time passed before either of them spoke again, content to simply rock back and forth. 

“Mari?” Marinette hummed, tickling Bella’s neck. “Mari have you told your parents?” Marinette stiffened and a long moment passed before she shook her head. Bella rushed to assure that it was okay. They sat again for a long while, Bella managing to get Marinette’s promise that she’d tell her parents about Lila and her threats before the week ended. Bella almost called her parents and tell them she’d be having an impromptu sleepover, but Marinette had turned down the offer. 

“Thanks, but I already feel much better. And I have your number if things get bad again.” 

So Bella had instead called her parents to pick her up from the bakery, hanging out with Marinette and her parents until they arrived. On the way home Bella talked to her dad about the best way to collect evidence against a bully. That got her some worried looks, but she was quick to assure them the bully wasn’t hers. 

When they were home and Bella was up in her room, she texted Ley-Ley. In part to vent and part to see what his demonic take on the situation would be.

Bella: Heyyyyyyyyy are you up?

Ley-Ley: Am now, what’s up?

Bella: I need to yell and also I need your demonic opinion.

Ley-Ley: Wait hang on, let me get angel in on this.

Ley-Ley: Okay, yell away

Bella: Okay SO. You remember sausage girl? Yeah she’s a huge liar. Like, first day at school she claimed to know you before you’d gotten popular and you said you’d never met her, plus you’ve been popular since we were tiny babs. 

Bella: So obviously she was lying but I figured, “what the hell, it’s not like that kinda lie would hurt anyone here.” so I left her alone.

Ley-Ley: Uh oh. This is looking bad already

Bella: But then I found out today that my friend Mari has not only been threatened by sausage girl, she was nearly Akumatized because of her. 

Bella: And to top it off, Mari’s crush knows that sausage girl is lying, but doesn’t know that she threatened Mari, and made Mari promise not to expose Liela because “doing so wouldn’t make her a better person.” 

Ley-Ley: First of all, bullshit. Second of all, that’s not your friend’s job? If sausage girl is a bad person then she is gonna have to be the driving force behind being a better person. 

Bella: That’s what I said! And to make matters worse, the teachers at school are all whipped into favoring the bullies. Except Mrs. Mandeliev, but unfortunately we aren’t in her class.

Ley-Ley: WHAT?!? The teachers are supposed to help the kids being bullied, not the other way around!

Bella: I know! What makes this ironic is the teacher told me outright to report if I saw anyone getting bullied. And then she turns around and tells the bullied kid to “be the better person” and keep letting the bully (Chloe) walk all over them. 

Ley-Ley: Angel’s saying we should go to Paris and knock some sense into your school. 

Bella: XD Please

Bella: In all seriousness though, it would be nice if you were here.

Bella:

They know my uncle is one of the most popular gardening blogs in London, but I never told them you’re my uncle and they all heard the story of how Liela met the famous A.J. Crowley before he became a popular blog so having you show up and then deny ever meeting her would also be a good start in tearing her web apart

Ley-Ley: Bella my sweet niece, I would be happy to help you defend your friend. Aziraphale and I will be in Paris next week.

[mrmallardsmobileposts]

My Star Wars Shipping Hot Takes

THERE WILL BE UNMARKED SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE SEQUEL TRILOGY IN THIS POST

TAG "#TRoS Spoilers" IF YOU WANT TO WIPE THIS POST FROM YOUR DASH COMPLETELY

THIS HAS BEEN MY SPOILER WARNING, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED ABOUT STAR WARS SPOILERS

Finn/Rey should have been endgame, or at least brought up by Finn instead of the BS non-committal "I've got something to tell you" line they play with for the rest of the movie. Bring it into text and acknowledge it fully instead of using it for a few cheap gags and leaving it hanging.

They had great chemistry in TFA. They bonded really easily and got along really well, it seemed like Finn was chatting her up a little at times and by the end of the movie they're incredibly close. Finn puts his life on the line and gets fucked up by a lightsaber to defend her. John Boyega and Daisy Ridley played off each other really well, they had really good chemistry. I really ship it.

The only hitch, imo, is the total lack of screentime they have together in TLJ. Finn's plot just kinda went nowhere and he got a rehash of his "running away" arc in TFA, and I think the Rose Tico kiss was really lame and forced. While I can appreciate their eventual reunion, and within the scope of the movie it's not unreasonable for them to not meet again until the end, I really don't dig how much time they spend apart in TLJ from a shipping perspective and I don't think the Finn/Rose pairing is very good.

To address the elephant in the room, I'm not the most positive person about Rose Tico, but I'm chill with her and I think her character would have been fine with better material than she had in TLJ. Not trying to chud things up, here. The most extreme thing I have to say about Rose Tico, within the scope of this post I'm making, is that I didn't think the actors had that much chemistry to justify a romance, the kiss was goofy with the laser going off behind them, and while I don't disagree that Kelly Marie Tran got screwed over in TRoS, I'm ultimately glad that her and Finn are good buddies in that movie instead of partners. I'm not saying her reduced role is fine, just saying I'm glad that this pairing doesn't seem to be canon. I'm glad they're still close, though. Finn is definitely the heart of the group, pulling everyone together.

The thing about Finn/Rey in TRoS is that while the chemistry isn't there on the same level as TFA - partially due to the hatchet-job editing of the first half where people are barely able to vocalise a single coherent thought before the plot ushers them along to the next point - I felt like it still existed for a while. They teased it with the "I've got something I need to tell you" line from Finn, and then they never bring it up again. Like what the fuck, wrap up the plot point instead of dragging it out for the most painful humor of the movie and failing to resolve it.

This brings me into the Reylo portion of my post.

While I don't ship it, I refuse to hate Reylo. I've got a great write-up of my Reylo opinion on my main blog which explains why, if you search for "reylo". Basic point is that a lot of the initial backlash was predicated on assumptions that people were adamant would be proven true in the next movies, and those assumptions turned out to not be the case 4 years later in 2019, so I refuse to treat it like the pariah it was in 2015 for those reasons.

I'll admit that I really enjoyed the ending with Ben Solo. Adam Driver sells the difference between Ben Solo and Kylo Ren so well, and while I understand that he did a lot of bad shit and wiped out planets and committed space genocide and stuff - Darth Vader also committed space genocide and killed hundreds of people, and his body count continues to rise in supplemental materials. And yet he was redeemed by Luke, and was able to return as a force ghost despite the genocides and mass murders he committed as Darth Vader. There is a precedent for people redeeming themselves just before they die in the Star Wars universe, even when they do some really heinous shit. As such, I am not against this happening for Kylo Ren. Star Wars is just that kind of series, for better or worse.

My opinion of Reylo is that it's kind of like fanfic mode a lot of the time. It got really wacky in TLJ, and it got way more pronounced in TRoS. That's not necessarily a detriment, but it was what it was. I don't buy Kylo Ren and Rey as romantic interests necessarily, especially when I think their relationship is really, really odd and reminiscent of fanfiction cliches, but there's enough subtext for people to read into it and I don't really care if people like it or not.

If Reylo is the endgame ship, then that's fine. I don't necessarily like it, even as I acknowledge that problematic ships will always have their audience. A ship can be used as a force for good, as long as it isn't being used to actively promote abusive tendencies or like really gross shit.

Some ships are off limits, straight up. Reylo is dicey, but I don't think it's worse than a lot of villain shipping is - there's been room for edgy villain shipping before, and I think Reylo occupies that space now and has every right to. As long as people aren't encouraging people to engage in abusive practices through their storywriting, or pushing alt-right talking points and fucked up things like that through their writing, Reylo has enough wiggle room to be a perfectly ordinary pairing in the fanfiction community.

Saying that, though - here's why I prefer Finn/Rey.

He's a close, friendly and positive force in Rey's life, they shared the start of their journeys and they helped each other grow into the heroes they became. Poe spent most of TFA missing in action, and he only meets Rey at the end of the movie. Rey and Finn spend the bulk of their character moments together, and it's the character development from these interactions - spurred along by Han and Chewie, of course - that fuels their ascent into hero figures at the end of the movie.

Why don't I like Reylo more? Because the Kylo Ren stuff seemed like essential backstory stuff, whereas Finn and Rey's characters naturally got along like a house on fire. Kylo Ren also spends most of the time getting rain on his gloves through inter-force touching in a bunch of weird, forced, fanfic-tier scenes, whereas Finn and Rey hug and celebrate and bond through conversation, not trite, rigid backstory.

I can buy Rey kissing Ben Solo at the end of TRoS. I can buy her feeling love for Ben Solo, and finding it frustrating that she can't break through Kylo Ren to get to him. Fuck, in that ending scene where Kylo is explicitly Ben Solo again, Rey and Ben have actual, honest to god chemistry, and it's cute as fuck. But that moment took a lot of catching up to get to, and before her and Kylo showed any hint of affection together, Finn was her comrade in arms, someone who shared her victories and helped to further her growth, and vice versa.

Reylo has a pretty solid conclusion, I will certainly give it that. But I feel like the Reylo conclusion is steeped in that classic "I can redeem the bad guy through love" trope like the original Star Wars, except with a romantic angle this time. Ben's redemption didn't have to be with a kiss - it could still happen without the romance angle, but the romance is added in to distinguish it from the other Star Wars examples.

Ultimately, I think having Ben's redemption spurred by romantic love is broke, whereas Rey finding a buddy in Finn, having their ups and downs together, shielding each other from harm and becoming close through mutual shared experiences and proximity is woke.

What about Finn/Poe? Ship it if you want, it's all good. I understand why this ship was initially so popular, and while I don't ship it, I'm not the shipping police and I get the premise behind it. Poe/CrimeGirl? This was shoehorned tf in, but if you think it's neato, it's neato. Poe/Rey? I think they would make a terrible couple, but whatever. Poe/Finn/Rey? Everyone wins. Add Kylo Ren anywhere into the mix and you can have yourself a party, depending on your stance on the character. Make any of the characters gay, bi, pan, ace - literally whatever, outside of a few significant parameters just about every ship is valid. I'm not a hard-ass, shipping is fun and outside of some really bad shit I'm generally down for people having a good time. I just like Finn/Rey the most.

Also, Maz Kanata is really neat and I hope she gets more screen time. If her lifespan makes it squicky to ship her with the younger characters, that's your business and I understand and respect that, but frankly I would write a romance story about Maz Kanata falling in love in a heartbeat - I just don't know who. I've written Doctor Who fanfic where a 2000 year old alien woman dates a 21 year old policewoman from Sheffield, so as long as the right boundaries are respected, I think a Maz Kanata story could be pretty fun and non-problematic like with a Doctor Who story.

Anyway that's my Hot Takes post

byeeeeee

[sadlystrangerthanfiction]

Trolling A Troll

So, tonight I had a conversation, one that I was trying to honestly avoid but twitter is not the best place to make retorts. (Not really.) I took probably what was considered the easy way out with an “we shall agree to disagree” thing so I could just move on. I didn’t feel the need to talk about it.  But it urks me.  I am never one to simply walk away with out talking alot to get my point across before letting it be what it be. 

So here we go.

Internet trolling is something that irked me today.  Before we go further though.. let’s look at the Wikipedia’s definition of an internet troll...

In Internet slang, a troll (/ˈtroʊl/, /ˈtrɒl/) is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory,[1]extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog) with the intent of provoking readers into an emotional response[2] or of otherwise disrupting normal, on-topic discussion,[3] often for the troll's amusement.

Okay, everyone on the same page? Good. Now before we go further, let’s be clear. This is clearly a first world geek problem, and I’ll tell you why here in a second.

Simply put, I feel that the TV Grim Reaper sometimes is an internet troll. Simple as that.

The TV Grim Reaper, for those not in the know, is a guy who was at one point, the cancellation bear. The Cancellation Bear is a twitter handle that used to report for TV By the Numbers. The guy who runs it was so good at his job at learning the figures and facts behind the ratings, that he began to amazingly (not really) predict shows failures and successes as renewals. He became adept at seeing the bullshit.

In a lot of ways, I dig that.

And the Grim Reaper, for good reason, gets inundated with tons of S.O.S. crap, or for those not in the know... Save Our Show crap. Lord knows I used to be one of those. I still tend to ‘have hope’ despite it being hopeless,  (my thinking behind The Muppets surviving their first season is a good example) but The Grim Reaper had it down pat.  He gets fans bugging him and trolling him. 

But at what point does the trolled become a troll?

Imagine that every day you post numbers in your feed. You had some sarcastic bite to it, because that’s what you do. People love it. And then fans of a show you posted low numbers of come at you with pitchforks.

All for reporting the ratings and stating the ever likely truth.

So, it makes sense to randomly post stuff back at them.

It makes sense.

And usually, as someone who follows the feed ,you can see the back and forth. It makes sense when he ‘goes after’ fans of the show. 

Other times... he will link to what he calls PRJedi mind tricks or bullshit and pokes the entertainment reporting websites. PR Jedi, aka, Press Releases that make you think one way about a doomed show, when in fact it is a doomed show. Example: A show with ratings that equal cancellation, they promote it as being a popular hit show, or it doing this in ratings, etc.

Some of these are great. He is usually dead on.

But every once and a while, I see a tweet that kinda just trolls back and no one is trolling him on.

Why do that?

The tweet in question was for the show Timeless.  A show that is gonna get canceled as he states in his reports. And usually... PRJedi bullshit is what it is. It’s bullshit. And he is great for snuffing that out. 

Before we go further, I guess I should throw out there that I’ve seen half an episode of Timeless on NBC. My sister-in-law loves it. I do not. And frankly, I didn’t even think of it, until I saw his tweet that is. (I actually had to look up what it was again because I didn’t care for it). 

So I have no dog in this fight (for this show, that is). I am not a fan and usually I tend to agree with him at going after people who troll him. (which I know isn’t right).

But in this case... there was no back and forth with fans pestering him about Timeless. The article he linked to did not really PRJedi it up with how great the show was, just plugging a guest start. So what. Look, I know the show isn’t moving mountains and will be gone soon, but it’s a product. They are selling it best they can, (and in some cases,depending on the actor, it’s been in the works that they will PR the shit out of an appearance anyway). 

Also, i used to, as a low-level (beyond low-level) writer for Examiner in Columbus, would get PR bursts from NBC and other networks under the Universal umbrella. Especially for shows like Timeless where they aren’t timeless, but doomed to fail, they start lumping their press releases together. It’s a waste of time to do single e-mails for all of these.

So more likely, this was the bottom of a feed that TV Line, which makes tons of traffic on Supernatural-like news, decided to post.  It isn’t sensationalizing anything. In terms of entertainment news, it is kinda news. How is it Jedi PR bullshit, honestly?

Which then leads to...

why the smart-ass comment?

Ultimately to me, his tweet seemed to entice fans of Timeless and piss them off. Which, fits the definition of an internet troll as stated above.

So... when does the adage of “An eye for an eye” not become sound? Was it ever really sound? Other things to take in to account:

I don’t care enough to take into account Timeless fans being jerks to him outside of the last 20 tweets. If they WERE bugging him, than maybe retweet another tweet by them and then post that one? Context is everything.

This is not the first time I am urked by him being unprovoked and trolling fans of a doomed show with no provocation. Again though, no provocation that I can see.

See first one. I still don’t care enough about Timeless.

Wait, you are writing a blog about it though? Don’t you care a little bit? Well, about how he is a troll. Not about the tv show. I feel that it is a factor that is easily replaced with ANY television show he is reporting on.

Overall, if it wasn’t for his facts and figures, I would unfollow him in a heartbeat. There are enough assholes and bullies in the world. And I’m glad other people get off on him being that way to fans, and heck, I won’t lie. Sometimes I do enjoy him being prickish to other people who troll him. But... I guess as I get older, the people... the fans who are NOT trolling him... then I guess I just tire of a bully. And I tire of being a bully who finds it acceptable. And we have enough of that with the PEOTUS soon to be POTUS around.