#I’m hoping everything will be completely done and ready to publish by next Halloween

[yallwildinrn]

Snake in the Grass: Chapter 1

For @ckhalloween23's catch-all prompt: An Empty Grave

This is a horror fic I've been working on since May or June. Given my current pace, it probably won't be out until the latter half of next year, butttt since I have this first chapter done (and I wanted it to be done in time for Halloween of this year), I figured I'd go ahead and post this as a preview and a treat! Well, treat for you guys and me haha.

Content warning for alcohol, bars, and general spookiness.

Pool balls whizz & clack against one another, but the sound is mostly drowned out. The bar, while not packed, is bustling with life, as is typical for a Friday evening; the sounds of yelling, laughter, and glasses clinking fill the already cramped space. It’s the victory cry of men who have been itching for the work week to finally, finally, end.

Dim, warm lights mask dirty floors and mysterious stains of unknown origin that seem to infect any and every upholstered seat. The single TV crammed into the back corner behind the bar top has caught the attention of several men, all shouting and celebrating – or complaining – at every pitch of the game with gnashing teeth. The bartender scrambles to sling out drink after drink of who-knows-what for the night’s customers.

Johnny himself is seated at a round, wooden table shoved near the back of the room. It’s almost uncomfortably close to the billiards tables, and each shrill hit against the pool balls becomes harder to ignore as the night wears on. He’s got some good distraction, though.

He lounges in his chair with a Coors in hand, surrounded by his friends. Bobby sits at his right, sipping his bourbon, while counterclockwise from there are Jimmy, Dutch, and Tommy. It’s tight, mostly because they had to steal a seat for Jimmy, but Johnny doesn’t mind. Not a damn bit.

He takes a long, slow sip from his drink. He still can’t believe they graduated from West Valley six whole years ago, and yet here they are, still thick as thieves. It’s not the same as it was back in high school (images of late-night, high-speed rides on their Hondas and getting plastered on the beach come to mind), but given how damn busy they all are, it’s an impressive amount of effort to keep traditions & meet-ups alive – like these monthly get-togethers at the bar, for example.

Johnny half-listens to a light-hearted argument between Tommy & Jimmy about baseball players he doesn’t give a shit about. Dutch, caught in the middle, has decided to antagonize the two of them by playing devil’s advocate for both sides. Things are getting heated, but it’s nothing Johnny finds worth worrying about. A nudge to Johnny’s arm snatches his attention away, and he turns to see Bobby with an expectant gaze and a soft, tipsy smile on his lips. Johnny reciprocates the smile without even thinking; he can thank the fact that he’s at least a few drinks in for that.

Bobby’s eyes sparkle as he leans towards Johnny. His cheeks are flushed, and his breath is rich and yeasty, laced with just a hint of sweetness. He smirks at Johnny and says, “I’ve been meaning to ask. How’s your back doing, old man?”

Anddd there it is. Johnny rolls his eyes good-naturedly as he answers, “Well, I’m no longer bed-ridden, so there’s that. I think I’ll be good to go back in a week or two once Dr. Gates gives me the green-light. I’m not supposed to see her for another two weeks, but if I feel better before then, I’m gonna see if she can squeeze me in, see if I can get back to work sooner.”

Bobby raises his brows in a look of mock shock, but it’s accompanied by a wry smile. “Did I just hear Johnny Lawrence say he’s trying to get back to work sooner? Thought you had worker’s comp to fall back on?”

“I do,” Johnny explains, snatching the neck of his Coors. The glass is smothered with wet drops of condensation that leave watery rings on the tabletop. “Just turns out that worker’s comp isn’t nearly as good as a roofing job. Pays the bills, but man.”

Johnny shakes his head and takes a swig of his beer. The icy cold liquid feels like a blessing, and he sighs as the bottle leaves his lips.

Bobby shrugs a little awkwardly. He tries to reassure Johnny as best he can by reminding him, “Hey, at least you’re getting comp this time.”

Johnny frowns harshly and shuts his eyes for a moment like he’s trying to will away a headache. He sets his beer down with a soft thunk, and the moisture clinging to the glass is already dripping back onto the table. He glares at a nearby wall and mutters, “Don’t remind me.”

“I’m just saying,” Bobby starts with a warm smile, swishing the alcohol in his glass with one hand. “Not working under the table has its perks.”

Another round of loud cheers fills the room. Sounds like someone finally hit the damn ball. “Yeah, but the government also takes half my damn paycheck. Jimmy still hasn’t helped me figure out how to deduct all my taxes yet,” Johnny says, loudly pulling Jimmy into the conversation.

Jimmy turns away from his own conversation with Tommy & Dutch. He leans onto an elbow and smiles at Johnny, but it’s certainly not genuine; if anything, there’s a bite to it. He answers, “Just because I’m an accountant doesn’t mean I can magically fix your taxes, Johnny. Become a business, then we can talk.”

Johnny flips him off, earning a round of chuckles around the table as Jimmy rolls his eyes and relaxes back into his seat. Dutch points at Jimmy with his beer bottle and asks the accountant, “Speaking of, have you finally been let out of your cage? First time we’ve seen you in, what? Months?”

Jimmy sighs, and Johnny realizes that the polo Jimmy’s wearing is probably the most casual thing he’s worn out and about in a while. “Tax season is finally over. Thank god for that,” Jimmy trails off, and he takes a long swig from his glass.

Tommy eyes his friends and pipes up, “Too late for another round of shots?”

Another round sounds fucking amazing. Johnny instead answers, “I’d love to, but my wallet says no.”

Bobby chimes in, “My liver also says no. That first round was enough for me.”

Dutch’s face crinkles into disappointment as he boos Bobby from across the table. His chair tips back an almost dangerous amount while he does. He shakes his head and laments, “Ya think you know a guy, but then he goes to priest school and becomes a damn prude.”

Bobby glares at him as his grip tightens on his glass. “It’s called seminary, and I’m becoming a pastor, not a priest.”

Tommy snickers & nudges Dutch, giving him a mischievous look. He points out, “Didn’t say he wasn’t a prude.”

Johnny snorts, earning himself a Bobby-patented glare, which then sends him into a laughing fit. Sometimes it can genuinely be scary to be on the receiving end of that gaze, but most of the time (especially after all these years,) it’s become damn hilarious. There’s another vicious clack of the pool balls; the start of a new game.

“I hate all of you,” Bobby huffs. He crosses his arms and leans back into his chair, dragging his gaze across the figures of his (almost) drunk friends, who are still much more sober than half of the room. “Why do I even hang out with you assholes? What did I do to deserve this?”

Jimmy sips on his glass and looks at Bobby. His lips curl into a wry smile. “Be a prude?”

Johnny thinks he can see a vein bulge in Bobby’s forehead, and he has to stifle another snort. Bobby’s lips pull into a tight, frustrated line across his face. He finishes the last of his bourbon with a small gulp and slaps his palm onto the table so he can push himself out of his chair. “I fucking hate you. All of you. I’m getting another drink.”

He pushes his chair back in with his foot and starts to weave through the maze of people & tables, and Tommy smiles like a Cheshire cat and calls out, “Can you-?”

“No,” Bobby yells back as he crosses the bustling room. Tommy cackles in his seat, and Dutch follows suit, clapping a hand on Tommy’s shoulder and howling beside him. Johnny simply shakes his head and leans onto the table, resting on his forearms.

The wood sticks to his skin. He can only imagine how much dust is trapped under layers of sticky god-knows-what. Probably more than he realizes. It’s kind of gross to think about, but it doesn’t really faze him, especially when everything about this bar fits that bill. Not much about this place is great: the bartender’s a dick, the bowls of pretzels are stale as shit and few & far between, it’s impossible to find a seat without a weird stain on it, and there’s never more than two beers on tap.

That doesn’t mean it’s all bad, though. Johnny never has to worry about them running out of Coors. It’s a pretty good distance between all their places. The prices aren’t half bad, and hell, it doesn’t even come close to gracing their top ten list of “Shittiest Bars This Side of California!” So yeah, really not all bad, at least if you ask him.

Tommy’s hyena-like cackle grabs Johnny’s attention and pulls him back into whatever conversations he’s missed. “No, no,” Tommy starts, smiling wide. “I’m just- can you believe any of us actually graduated?”

Jimmy levies Tommy with a self-satisfied smile. “No, I actually can’t believe any of you guys graduated,” he teases. Tommy rolls his eyes.

Dutch scowls. “Yes, yes, we know. You made an A once and got into a big boy college, keep it in your pants,” He replies gruffly, finishing his statement with a swig.

“That’s not what I meant,” Tommy elaborates dryly while gesturing with his drink. “You’re not wrong, but think about it. Our senior year was such a shitshow.”

Dutch smirks and looks Johnny’s way. “I blame Romeo over here. Had no idea a breakup would lead to all that bullshit with LaRusso.”

Johnny stifles at the comment, and his cheeks flush – now red from more than just the alcohol – as he glares at Dutch. He’s about to bark out a comeback, but Bobby cuts him off when he comes sauntering back, freshly filled glass in hand, and retorts, “Oh please, we’re all to blame. We escalated it when we should’ve just left things alone.”

Bobby slides into his chair a little ungracefully, wood scraping against the floor, while Dutch shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He nods his head down a little sheepishly because… yeah. Bobby’s right, as much Johnny hates to admit it. Back at West Valley, they were all chomping at the bit to put the twerp in his place, but none of that needed to happen or even should have happened. They saw red, and LaRusso got caught in the crossfire. It was like they didn’t even see him. Just a conveniently placed punching bag.

The table’s air stills; the rest of the bar continues to thrum with activity while the atmosphere of their little corner slowly ices over. Johnny purses his lips and sips at his beer. Guilt gnaws his ribcage. Even after all these years, after the apologies and many, many steps to make things right, he’s still stuck with bitter memories that choke him up. He opts to study the many dings & scratches on the table rather than meet any of his friends’ eyes.

Jimmy’s the first to break the tense silence. “You know, if we have anyone to blame, it’s Kreese,” he spits out. It hits Johnny like a jab to the chest. He’s taken aback as Jimmy says this, but the man continues, “He put so much bullshit in our heads! All that punch first, think second nonsense. Like, come on-”

“Wait, wait,” Johnny interrupts while waving his hand to stop Jimmy in his tracks. How can he just say that? “Look, he was a total douchebag – I should fucking know – but we’re the ones who took what he said too far. We were still the ones who fucked with LaRusso. He didn’t tell us to do any of that shit.”

Tommy shifts beside him and stumbles over his words. “Yeah, like- but- Look, okay, you’re right, it’s totally on us for taking shit way too far, but Johnny,” Tommy says, and he turns to Johnny with pleading eyes. “He literally taught us to have no mercy. Literally. That’s not an exaggeration.”

Johnny frowns. “Yeah, but we took it out of context. He obviously meant to not take no for an answer, to- to keep pushing on despite the circumstances,” he explains. Are they seriously saying this shit? Even after all these years? After everything Kreese did for them? For fuck’s sake…

Dutch is next to speak. He throws Johnny an odd look as he adds, “Did we go to the same Cobra Kai? Because the one I went to taught us to do fucking everything to the extreme. Including the no mercy shit. Hell, he even had us do karate to the extreme. All those extra goddamn practices…”

“Yeah, and they were good for us. We needed some discipline!” Johnny snaps back defensively. His blood is starting to boil with every bullshit argument that his friends make.

He starts to bounce his leg. The sounds of laughter pouring out from a nearby table makes him want to snarl. He doesn’t get it, how can his friends just- just pass the blame onto Kreese? The guy at least tried to help them and make them into better people (before his sensei lost his mind, that is.)

Johnny turns to Bobby, who’s worrying his lip and squirming like he’s sitting on an anthill. “Come on,” Johnny says. “Back me up here.”

Bobby looks away from Johnny, jaw tense, but he turns back. He lets out a breath, look Johnny square on with a worrying level of sincerity, and says, “Johnny. Kreese worked us so hard once that you forget it was Ali’s birthday. She broke up with you over that.”

Johnny’s skin buzzes. He’s all too aware of the overpowering noise of the room. Hell, he feels like he can feel the next table over breathing on him. His stomach rolls. “That is not what happened,” Johnny insists with a hard stare. “Practice that day was not that bad. I remember it. It was fine.”

Tommy scoffs, “Then why were you so quick to go out drinking with us?”

Johnny’s more tense than a stretched-out rubber band, and he feels like he’s going to snap like one, too. He scowls and answers, “I forgot because…”

Johnny blinks and turns his gaze down. Sweat collects at the back of his neck while his chest tightens.

“No, I-I forgot because…”

His mouth is a cotton ball. He’s reaching into his mind, searching for the memory, but he just… it’s not right. It’s there, but somehow, it also isn’t. He remembers being brought in for an extra practice with his cobras, Twig being brought in to watch & help, the end of practice, getting ready to leave, and then…

His temples throb as tries harder to remember, but he can’t. There’s a gap, a void where something should be. It’s not like he’s just forgotten the details, god no. He’s actively reaching into his mind, searching and grasping for what should be there, sandwiched between the sparring and the night at the bar, but he just… He can’t. He can’t get there. Every time he thinks he’s brushing against what might be the memory in question, a pulsing throb shakes his skull, and it rattles his train of thought loose.

His eyes dart between his friends. His heart pounds furiously against his vice of a ribcage, and he wipes his sweaty palms against the thighs of his pants. Their faces are a varied array of distress and confusion. Why do they look like that? Are they trying – and failing – to remember, just like him? Shit, why can’t he remember?

A chill threatens to run down his spine. Could he ever remember?

When he was fresh off the breakup with Ali, he would spend hours torturing himself with all the ways he screwed things up; it was his way of trying to nail down exactly what he did wrong. Except… he always left that practice turned night-on-the-town alone. He never touched it, to his knowledge. Is- Is this why? Every time he tried to play the events over in his mind, would he get to this downright anomaly of a gap in his memory, and did it make him feel- well, make him feel like he does now? Sick and shaken?

Is that why he never, never thinks about the inciting incident that led Ali to yell at him and tell him things were done? Did the avoidance become muscle memory at some point so he would never try to recall that night & the memories associated with it?

He knows the answer. He doesn’t like it.

It doesn’t even feel natural. It’s not like he just forgot; no, it’s more like something was ripped out unceremoniously or maybe strangled and hidden in an unreachable corner of his mind. Does it matter what type of wrong it is? He wipes the sweat from his brow; the heat from the crowd of the bar tonight has finally caught up to him, it seems.

His mind circles back. Why can’t he remember? Why is there a gap? How long has it been there? Has- has it always been there? And not just any gap. No, a gap that, when he tries to recall upon what should be there, snaps up & bites him like a cornered animal. His head is throbbing. He fumbles for his beer and takes a long drink.

He looks again to his friends. He can only imagine the expression on his own face given theirs. He takes a chance and says, “Please tell me I-I’m not the only one who…”

Bobby slowly shakes his head, eyebrows knit, but he doesn’t meet Johnny’s gaze. Jimmy and Dutch don’t move; they simply squirm and keep their eyes down. Tommy’s chest is heaving as he sits up straight and looks ahead with a mix of fear and uncertainty. Johnny knows they must be in the same boat as him. They have to be.

Tommy answers with a shaky voice, “Who what?” Johnny almost drops his mouth wide open. Tommy’s asking that even though the man isn’t meeting anyone’s eyes and looks like he wants to run out of the room?

“Who what? What do you mean who what?” Johnny asks incredulously. “Who- who can’t fucking remember what happened that night!”

Tommy’s smiling, but it’s strained. He answers, voice as tight as his lips, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Johnny grips his Coors so hard he thinks it’s going to shatter in his hands. “What do you mean what I’m-? You know exactly what I mean. Look at us! Look at yourself! Something’s not right.”

“Johnny,” Bobby pleads. At some point he rested his forehead in his hands, elbows on the table. “You’re- you’re not wrong, but Christ-”

Johnny turns to face Bobby with an eager gaze. He cuts him off, saying, “You can’t remember, either. It’s not just me. Something’s wrong.”

Bobby sighs through his nose. He’s getting frustrated; it’s a tell Johnny knows well. “No, Johnny,” Bobby says shortly. “I can’t remember. But I don’t want to. God, I just… I think I can speak for all of us when I say let’s just drop it. Please. I don’t want to think about-”

Bobby’s practically pleading, but Johnny doesn’t care. What’s more fucking important: a little bit of discomfort or the fact none of them remember the same exact damn thing?

Johnny cuts him off again and snarls, “About the fact there’s a fucking gap in our memories? The same gap for all of us, I’m willing to bet? One we’ve probably had since that night?”

Bobby shuts his eyes, and Johnny’s not sure if the man is going to cry or punch him, but given their shared history at Cobra Kai, it’s probably the latter. Dutch speaks up next, snapping, “Johnny! Just drop it! Yes, our memories are fucked, big whoop. I don’t care! I don’t want to think about it either! I don’t know about you, but I don’t like trying to remember and feeling my skin try to crawl off my body.”

Johnny drums his fingers against his bottle. He can’t fight the scowl on his lips. “Seriously? You’re just going to ignore this? Just like that?”

Dutch laughs bitterly. “Seems like we’ve been doing that for years, man,” he says with a shake of the head, but he pauses and looks Johnny straight on. “You know what? Hold on, let me ask you something. Let’s say we do talk about this shit. Have a little pow-wow and Agatha Christie our way through this bullshit. What the hell would we even do? Seriously, how in the fuck would you even recommend we- we try to fix this? Please, share with the class!”

Johnny opens his mouth to answer but shuts it tight in that same instant. His cheeks flush again. He genuinely has no idea where to start, actually. He does know that if they work together, they might have a shot, but Dutch writing him off with that cruel smile makes Johnny want to scream.

“Exactly,” Dutch says like the self-assured bastard he is, gesturing at Johnny with his drink in hand. “We can’t do shit, and since we’ve gone this long without thinking about it, why stop now? Sounds like none of us want to think about it, for christ’s sake.”

Johnny’s throat is tight. He can hardly believe what Dutch is saying. What Tommy and Bobby have been fucking saying. His blood pulses under his skin, and he turns to Jimmy, almost begging, “Jimmy. Come on, back me up. We can’t just pretend this never happened.”

Jimmy doesn’t look him in the eye, and it’s enough to make Johnny’s heart sink. The brunette swallows, lips turned downward ever so slightly, and he hesitantly answers, “Look, I-I’m sorry Johnny. I can’t. Why don’t we just… let sleeping dogs lie? All remembering does is hurt, and we can’t do anything about it, so why can’t we just…”

Johnny screws his eyes shut tight and flexes a hand in and out of a fist a few times. He brings his Coors to his lips, takes a healthy gulp, and slams the bottle back onto the table with enough force to make his friends jump a little. He glares at them all. He can hardly believe all the bullshit he’s heard tonight.

“Why can’t I just what? Drop it? Why aren’t you pussies willing to do anything about this?! It’s not right! Something is fucking wrong, and you just want to act like nothing happened!” Johnny says. His voice is starting to raise, and he’s getting the attention of a few nearby patrons, but quite frankly, he doesn’t give a shit. Fuck ‘em. “What is wrong with you guys? Who gives a fuck if it hurts to think about it! Something is wrong, and it sure as hell wasn’t just forgotten. It’s gone. Or- or it’s there and we just can’t reach it but- Who cares! It’s still weird as shit, and you’re all just pretending like nothing fucking happened like a bunch of pussies!”

Bobby attempts to soothe him by saying, “Johnny, please, I don’t think this is as bad as you’re saying.”

Johnny feels his muscles tense, and he swears to god, he might break a tooth from how hard his jaw is clenched. He gets tunnel vision for a moment, only able to focus on the traitorous words that just came out of Bobby’s mouth, and when his vision clears, everything is suddenly too much again – screeching pool balls, wails & shouts from the crowd around them, the way his body is vibrating under his skin. He has to fight against the urge to throw & shatter his beer bottle on the ground (likely only because he’s not done quite with it yet).

He can’t believe that Bobby of all people would say that to him. Talk down to him like that. That simple sentence rubs him raw like coarse sandpaper dragged his skin. It conjures up painful memories of his mom brushing aside his pleas for help and, on occasion, Kreese asking him through a sneer if he’s a loser. And worst of all, Bobby knows this, better than anyone else. He’s been the one to listen to Johnny rant and rage about being brushed off and ignored. He knows how that phrase sets Johnny’s blood alight.

Johnny chugs the rest of his beer in one fell swoop and steps out of his chair so fast & hard it tumbles. He doesn’t even bother picking it up. He bites out, “Fuck this. I’m going home. I don’t give a fuck what you do. Pretend for all I care! Don’t come crying to me when this shit blows up in all of our faces.”

Johnny ignores Bobby’s protests as he begins to chase after the taller man, trying to get Johnny to talk to him or whatever. Johnny can’t talk to him, won’t. He can’t even look at him right now. He grits his teeth as he weaves between people, and the longer Bobby follows, the more certain Johnny becomes that he really might start swinging.

Johnny has to shoulder his way into an open spot and wait for the bartender to slide by, but flashing some cash is all it takes to grab his attention. He feels like his skin is going to vibrate right off his body, and he snaps at some asshole sitting beside him who tells him to watch it.

Bobby catches up to Johnny as he’s trying to pay the bartender, worthless platitudes tumbling out of his mouth, and Johnny hisses through clenched teeth, “If you don’t lay off, I’m gonna knock your teeth out, I swear to god.”

It works as intended. Bobby steps back, startled and wide-eyed. Johnny knows he looks a little wild right now, but he just does not care. He feels like he’s one wrong word or move away from snapping, from saying & doing shit he’s going to regret. He just wants to get out of this fucking bar and away from his shithead friends.

Johnny breathes a small sigh of relief when Bobby accepts defeat and slinks back to the table stuffed in the back of the room. He always was the smartest of the five of them. He knew when it was time to leave things be before it blew up in their faces. Johnny thinks of Daniel, and he feels a little sick, but it’s replaced with another wave of hot, tepid anger again, the same kind that haunted him all through high school.

With his tab paid, Johnny shoves his way out of the bar, other patrons throwing protests, swears, & a few obscene gestures at him, but Johnny makes himself ignore it and pushes on. If he starts to pay attention and care right now, even a little, he’s probably gonna get the cops called on his ass, and he just- he can’t deal with that on top of everything else tonight.

He opens the bar door with a hard shove, and the chill night air washes over him. While the streets are neither silent nor empty, it’s still much better than the bar, and he feels his chest loosen enough that he can breathe again. He stomps over to his Avanti, and halfway through sticking his key into the door’s lock, he decides that he doesn’t have enough beer at home to deal with this night.

[blankdblank]

Brother Dearest Pt 37

The next month did nothing but shake the fear of losing Victor off its hinges while the pair between her acting classes filling up her free time spent as much time together as possible. Even to the pair joining you on your trips to the Museum of Natural History for your History course to complete those required essays as well Portia took turns tagging along as well for more brunches afterwards.

Halloween had been the tenth time she had slept over and started November off right bringing cooler weather and in the vanishing of the leaves snow was rumored to be coming soon. Snow that brought up calls and letters to Canada readying your trip home for the holiday break as you fended off the presumably daunting semester exams and presentation of your collected photographs for the photography club blending with the end of the first round of lessons on Asgard. Teas and dinners brought Professor Randolph over often sharing even a few tales around an encounter with Venom on that distant planet in his youth building up fragments of memories flickering in your mind like some odd connect the dots puzzle each new detail added a bit more to.

The final time together a moment was taken to smile as you read the letter from Kodak that your submitted sketch was to be published on Christmas day in the papers around the world and the photography magazines available. A colored copy of which was sent back to you with a mockup adding a sketch of the camera that you yourself used for your photography club to be noted in the descriptive section at the end of the ad.

.

In tears however Norma came to spend the final day before you were headed home again. Open mouthed you reached out folding your arms across her back in her fold into a hug as you eased the door shut with your mind behind her. “What’s wrong, Jeanie?”

“Everything is falling apart!” She sobbed out into your shoulder stirring your hand to rub across her back.

“Bad day in your class?” You asked hoping it was an embarrassing scene or exercise she had given to her class.

“Vic is going to dump me!”

“And just who sold you that bridge?”

In a sniffle she pulled back with lips quivering through your hand rising to wipe a mascara stained tear that slid down her cheek away, “He won’t want to be with me after this!”

“Well unless you’ve turned into a mountain lion I highly doubt he wouldn’t love you more by the day, and even then he would still find a way to keep you around. Because let’s face it even as a lion you would be stunning.”

“That’s not funny,” she whimpered out through another sniffle to another tear falling.

“I’m not joking, Vic is not going to dump you, I’ve punched him in the face mid nightmare and he still loves me. Now come in and let’s get you cleaned up and you can tell me what happened.”

A couple steps in she came after a nod only for Dawn to come into view with a hand on her rounding belly, “Who was-,” her lips parted in seeing Norma upset and she hurried over, “What’s wrong?” She asked joining you on the way to the spare bath you led her to clean her face up.

Patting her cheeks dry to her calming breaths you said, “Now, pesky mascara is handled, up to telling us what’s wrong?”

That had her lip quivering again and she said to your eyes following her hand patting on her belly in a try to form the words, “I’m late,”

Dawn, “Late?”

However you caught a heartbeat you didn’t realize in her entering hug, catching her eye again you said, “You’re pregnant.”

Dawn, “Oh that’s great news!” she said resting her hand on Norma’s arm only making her shake her head to the quivering of her lips again.

“Jeanie, Vic is in no way going to be angry about this.”

“But we just got started going steady,” She squeaked out.

“It’s been months,” you fired back.

“Vic is never going to turn away from you in this,” Dawn repeated, “We promise. Let’s get you some tea or some juice and get you relaxed,” her grin eased out as Norma looked her over, “Your little one won’t be too far behind mine if you’re still early on. We’ll get you settled till the baby comes and we can help to start planning the nursery once we get back from Canada, of course you can come see the place and oh you’ll love it there, even more so in the spring.”

She shook her head again, “Oh I don’t think Vic would want me forced on your break like that,”

Rolling your eyes you helped her to sit down on one of the living room couches as Dawn hurried to get some drinks together, “Jeanie, I have known Vic for years now, and he will never turn you away, and you are having a baby together. He wants you to come with us, you aren’t spending Christmas alone. Plus you can meet my cousin and aunt.”

With a sigh she said, “I’ll have to tell my manager about this. I can’t get work while I’m pregnant, and after, who knows what they’ll say. And I had that audition too.”

Your hand settled on hers with a smile, “We will figure this out you’ll see, so just breathe and relax, this is nowhere near the end of your plans. You’re pregnant for nine months, let’s say seven more roughly, lessons while you wait and by next summer you could be back to auditions or projects by then.”

Norma, “But, I’d have a baby, and Vic,”

“Why don’t you let Vic show you himself exactly what sort of man he is.” Her eyes looked you over again as you inched closer saying lowly, “Look, Vic was married before, he doesn’t talk about her often, but when he was younger he lost her and their two kids. So trust me when I say there is no way he is ever going to turn away from you or your baby. James is absolutely supportive of my studies, Vic too, Dawn has a column in the paper up in Canada. Victor’ll help make sure you get to keep your dreams too. We all will.”

With her mouth open she looked you over and closed her mouth a moment for a deep breath to process the fact on his former romantic life explaining why he avoided bringing up his past romances with her. “So he’s a widower, and he lost his babies?”

You nodded saying, “It’s a lot of pain for him to carry, and it’s nothing against you for not sharing it himself, I knew him four years before I found out. James too was married and a dad before, we just have to help our teddy bears heal. He’ll never let you and your baby be anything but protected and happy. You’ll see.”

Dawn came back and with a grin passed out the drinks helping you to keep her distracted by sharing more about the house and the larger house you’d yet to furnish she was all but awed by. A call from Portia however took you away for a bit keeping you smiling at the shared trip back to her own family home with her brother who’d still been detained back there unable to meet you in your two trips to her penthouse between her several trips to your place. Each time since the first time out with her was again shadowed by Loki on his investigations of what he could learn and how to help in each of your travels to more exhibits or school related stops. With Portia just loving what you’d done with the place and everything about your part of New York seeing new things she’d yet to learn on each trip through the city you took her on. Though by the time you hung up the brothers were home and let the dogs loose walking into the path of their spreading smiles that flinched sensing something was up in the flicker of yours.

“Kitty, living room,”

“Living room?” He rumbled back lowly.

“Norma came by, a bit upset.”

His mouth dropped open moving closer, “She not get a part, or did her classes go bad? If it’s about us leaving-,”

“Go on Kitty.” You said bobbing your head to the side causing him to walk past you to the designated room leaving James there moving closer to your side with hand extended to ease an arm around your middle. Once his brother was out of sight James’ jaw dropped to your silent double tap to your chest just about making him explode with glee for his big brother. Muffled into his shirt you giggled in his tight hug. Knowing you would be right about Vic and all you’d said. And just as eager Dawn came out smiling to join the hug then hurry to go fetch Teddy for his lunch from her floor while you and James listened in from the kitchen you had moved to, cuddling in his chair with you on his lap draped in his arms.

“Nori, sweetheart, you’re here early.” He said watching Dawn’s pat on her arm standing to leave the two of them alone letting him ease down on the couch sideways beside her with his arms easing out to rest around her back and across her lap. “What’s with the face?”

Inhaling sharply she straightened up gathering her courage to say with her eyes rising to his before she would start to cry again, “I’m late, I haven’t seen a doctor, but-,”

“You’re pregnant! That’s fantastic!” he blurted out like a kid awed by fireworks the first time smiling at her widely, his greatest marvel unveiled before his eyes. Scooting closer he said, “You should come with us then, we have a doc right in town he could do the test no doubt in half the time and cost than out here. And you could see the place, it’s incredible in the winter. Tons of warm fires and cocoa and stars for miles.”

That had her grin flinch wider a moment then back again as she said, “If I am, wouldn’t that be bad for you? Baby out of wedlock? Showing me off to the town?”

“Marry me, I’ll ask better when we get out there, find you your dream ring. The girls can take you shopping whole town could help us whip up a ceremony, did the same for Dawn and Eddie in a matter of weeks before Jaqi started at Barnard. You won’t want for anything I’ll make sure of it, you or our baby.”

Her mouth was open a few moments until she could ask, “About my classes, and films...”

“I can watch the baby, when you go back to work too. Work on the comics I can do mainly from here you can ask Dawn we’re around all the time. You won’t have to stop, I will be making sure you are rested and healthy before you start up again.” his voice dipping serious a bit, “Can’t have you heading back too early and hurting yourself. So think of it as a year break, you can study up and we’ll do all we can to help you study till you can get back to classes or roles if they’re physical. I promise, we’ll work this all out. Marry me?” The question came out near to a whisper yet all the same in a tearful nod from her his smile split wider then eased back to melt against her lips in her hop onto his lap easing her arms around the back of his neck to kiss him firmly. Tight to his chest he held her for their own private celebration you stole a picture of once again from the kitchen where they eventually met you both, now at the table pretending to talk about something unrelated to the pair now with you smiling widely.

Norma broke the silence in a bounce on her toes, “We’re engaged!”

Giggling hugs were traded from you and Dawn as James fed Teddy breaking between spoonfuls to accept his brother’s tight hug with Dawn taking over allowing the pair to mutter their joy to one another on the edge of tears. Teddy in a whining pout however raised his arms once fed demanding a hug Vic gladly shifted to lift him into peppering kisses across his forehead and cheek. Those hazel eyes of his however shifted back to his fiancé with smile spreading saying, “Now, first off, let’s get you packed, hmm?”

She nodded and you said, “Ooh, we’ve got some spare coats up there for you to borrow when we get there. Trousers too.”

Dawn, “Oh and we have to pick you out some good boots too. Heels will not cut it in hip deep snow.”

While you smiled taking hold of Teddy to settle in his playpen he turned, strolling around the table to ease his arm around Norma’s back humming out, “Now, let’s get you packed and on the way we can talk about rings, hmm?”

James looked to Dawn asking, “Eddie manage those cases down earlier for you?”

Shaking her head she replied, “No, but he will when he gets home I bet. I already have our things set aside to be packed when he does.”

James chuckled turning his head to claim a warm kiss and said, “I’ll help you grab them.”

Once on your feet you sighed and said, “I suppose I should go handle saying goodbye to Father Thomas for us.”

Dawn chuckled, “Fun, sure you don’t want us to go too?”

“Nah, it’s incense day for the alter boys training. No need more than one of us drowning in that ocean of smoke.” They smirked watching you stroll to the door where you grabbed your bowknot fascinator you wore to church and once through the doors shut behind you a pause was taken for a deep breath to steady yourself then turn to head down the stoop. Once alone the façade held. All the way through town until you hit those steps and the weight of your thoughts slammed down upon you all in that moment of Norma trusting you with her unsettling truth.

Those large front doors gave easily with the right allowing you in and shut just as smooth instantly sending the misty waves on incense to billow away then back again over your now hatted self. Past the bowl of holy water you entered the chapel crossing yourself in a glance over the bodies inside, silently turning for the votive candles to light for loved ones allowing the Father to catch sight of you in your mint long sleeved dress. Joining the elderly woman in silent prayer’s bare side your eyes closed in taking a match to light a candle for your mother who you sorely needed at this moment for guidance. Shaking that match once the candle was lit through a mental prayer you added it to the used bowl and passed over a few coins into the offering box leaving the still praying woman to her solitude.

Back into the chapel you stepped returning the smile Father Thomas gave you on his way over to speak with you. Out his hand stretched and yours folded inside it to be patted across the back of it, “Miss Bunny, come to be sent off before traveling back to Canada hmm?”

“That and I suppose I have a, situation you might possibly weigh in on.”

“Absolutely,” he said with a nod of his head releasing your hand and guiding you to a secluded section of pews away from the rehearsing alter boys being taught their official steps for the big Christmas Mass for their big holiday debuts. Once settled down he adjusted the sash around his shoulders asking as you settled your hands on your lap, “What is troubling you, My Child?”

“You know Dawn is pregnant, well Victor just got engaged,” you sighed softly.

“Go on, unburden yourself.” He said with a comforting nod.

“Is it terribly cruel of me to be jealous that the other women I’ll be living with will be married and pregnant before me?” A grin cracked across his lips and you said, “And I am happy for them, I truly am, and it sounds ridiculous, but there’s something in me just screaming that I was engaged first it should be me.”

“There is nothing cruel in that. God has placed a good man, several good men in your path. There is nothing cruel in wishing to be fully bound to the man he chose for you, and further nothing wrong with wishing to bear the children he will grant you. You are in no means a seeker of attention, and many a woman feels this yearning in the wait to be wed. When is Victor planning the ceremony?”

“In the break up in Canada, in front of the Judge. Another spur ceremony.”

“Well there is peace there, neither of their ceremonies will rival yours.” He teased making you giggle and shake your head.

“Certainly not. King George now says it is to be taped.”

“Ah,”

“So if I am not smiling it is due to my focus not to trip.”

He chuckled again, “You will not trip, and for the topic of babies I do believe their presence may yet add to your patience on the matter of conceiving yourself just yet. Along with Teddy two more, babies, however a blessing, should aid in your dilemma.”

Again you giggled and asked as a moment of pondering washed over your face, “Certain people are meant to be big, right? No matter how small they might feel, there’s a purpose in it?”

“We all need hope, God’s flock require lights to see through the dark times. While you were gone, we have not spoken of this yet, when Steve returned and we held the funeral without you, there was so much pain in your absence. Pain and prayer to see you safely through, and then we heard through the Brocks of your letters and promotions. We can’t word how elated we were to hear you were safe under Eddie’s watch. Meeting a King and President, our people needed hope that a child lost to the unknown could return home to her flock again. You have rebuilt your old home and in doing so aided in the continuance of local businesses encouraging others to do so.

Viewing our own worth here on earth is rather difficult at times. ‘If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.’ as stated in Isaiah 58 : 10. Success is not a means to salvation one may argue shepherds and those who live peaceful quiet simple lives may be grander than those heralded as Kings. And yet there is no shortage of great leaders of Men who have found God’s blessings bestowed upon them. Small or big, we all have our moments of weakness and doubts, however you were placed here among us for a reason yet to be seen, we shall all uncover them together in due time. Many a leader of Man was reluctant to take up that mantle. Hold fast to your faith, there is weight in a name and, My Child, you have chosen a mighty one. Bunny Howlett should go down in history mark my words.”

“I do believe I’ve already gone down in history.”

Shaking his head he replied, “You have not reached history yet, you are very much still in the present.” Chuckling again in your soft huff, “One day.”

Those words echoed in your mind on the way back again to the house where you strolled through to the living room finding Mr Whiskers stretching on the couch with a soft meow in greeting on seeing you. Up on his back feet he rose ready to be cuddled in your way to stretch out on the couch settling him on your chest and belly drawing purrs in his slink out to relax into each pet. “You won’t get married and pregnant on me too will you Mr Whiskers?”

Chuckles came from the doorway bringing James into view, “Ah, so there it is.” Blushing at being caught you watched his stroll closer to ease over your legs to stretch out behind you settling his arm as your pillow pressing a gentle kiss to your pink cheek, “I knew I was a catch, but I never thought I’d see the day you were jealous of Vic.”

“I’m-,”

“Kidding,” he said leaning in to kiss your cheek again. “I would like to say I didn’t expect it, however, some tearing of sleeves and spontaneous mornings were shared and I do not know if my future sister in law is so lucky as to have acquired the same precautions as you.”

“I don’t mean to be-,”

He chuckled again burying his head into the side of yours and your hair, “I know. We are all beyond thrilled for him, and hope for the best.”

Softly you sighed and said, “She is sweet, quite sincere. I do hope she won’t break his heart though. She has divorced before.”

“I have considered that, Vic has too. But there’s a baby on the way, and even if she chooses to end things we’ll be here for him and help him to get as much custody possible, hopefully meaning we’d get them and Norma could visit. For now-,”

“There’s two babies on the way.”

“Yes, how did Father Thomas take our goodbyes?”

“Very well, wished us the best, and said there’s two babies on the way possibly to deter my jealousy with the reality of having three babies in the house.” That had him chuckle again in your soft sigh. “Good things never came from women in the bible jealous over babies.”

“No, you are not in the bible.”

“I’m in the present, whereas the history into which my name will be written according to him hasn’t been made yet.”

James chuckled again, “No, it very much hasn’t. We’ll get there.”

“He does think Bunny Howlett is a fine name to have chosen.”

“I prefer Bunny Pear Howlett,” turning your head to his in its lift up from the pillow, “Keep both. Make them talk,” luring a smirk across your lips. “Fine name indeed, even finer with a Doctor in front of it and a Phd after.” He purred leaning in to kiss your cheek gaining a giggling smile from you. At the paw stretching to pass by his cheek he asked, “Excited to head home to Canada again Whiskers?” Rubbing his back in your strokes to his cheeks making the cat flex his whiskers gladly.

.

“Love you,” That had you smiling at James while you shifted at his side avoiding Pepper and Olive with hold of Whiskers in the truck in the convoy off to Canada.

“Love you. I think one day we might have to expand our fleet.”

“Vic has been looking. No doubt the Brocks could help to land him a deal.”

“Oh they could do more than land him a deal,” you giggled out making his smile creep wider, “How do you think this break will go? I know Erik and Edie might be a bit cautious at first.” You looked at him, “I don’t think he’s told her about his nails yet.”

“No,” he said clearing his throat, “He’s debating the best time for that, clearly protecting the baby will be best, there’s something about her health she tried to mutter at him once.”

You nodded, “So after the wedding then, out of nowhere big boom.”

He glanced your way, “You haven’t picked anything up? She does seem alluring to crowds, maybe magnetism like yours? Or Vic said she seems to glow on occasion.”

“I think that’s partly due to her powder and lotions.” Then you sighed, “I can’t put my finger on it, she does have something, something, about her.” Resting your head on his arm you said, “I bet Erik’s grown another foot.”

“I’m certain he has, growing boy. Peace has done him good.”

His eyes lowered to your finger stroking across your engagement ring straightening it, “I am glad we got him out of Europe, and King George extended the citizenship favors to them as well.”

“Be poor manners not to, us having taken out so many enemy forces for them. Papers and medals is poor payback to that, they add the pair of them and sensationalize our wedding and it might just seem closer to even for the nobles. They had to do something for the poster couple of the battle field.”

“I think we’re the only couple, not counting wounded soldiers and nurses and the like.” Making him chuckle again.

“As they would like. Can’t have them daring to make war seem a matchmaking sort of adventure.” Lingering his eyes on you he added sweetly, “We’ll face it together, if anything by the time Princess Elizabeth is engaged we’ll be old news for her wedding. You and me, better or worse. Hopefully this is the worse.” Making you giggle through his lifting one of your hands to press a kiss to your knuckles he then lowered to tangle his fingers with yours onto his thigh.

.

Passing through the lit up city of Alberta was the last sight of civilization in the dark night leaving just a cone of light from the headlights on the long empty plowed road until the first lamppost from town came into view and you smiled eyeing the familiar road home again. For all the pressures of school and the city dynamic with those around your house all that time was worth it to have earned a break here at your newfound home for a brief while. A call ahead had Dawn’s family had plowed the driveway for you and while the other ladies waited in the warmed car you helped to unlock and un-shutter the house with fires lit on the first floor before they hurried inside to keep warm with the animals while you helped to let in the bags.

Out of her coat however Norma shrugged and dropped it onto the sheet freeing dust into the air making her sneeze. And wide eyed clasp her hands over her nose and mouth only for a pink mist to surround her body exploding into a layer of pink rose petals that wafted through the room making Victor drop the suitcases and bags in his arms. Dawn looked Norma over and huffed, “Oh that’s just not fair.”

Wide eyed Norma looked between you all and with a grin you said, “Knew you were hiding something behind that smile.”

James chuckled moving closer luring her eyes to his iron laced bone claws extending from his fists, “No need to be scared. Me and Vic have claws, and he’s got those chompers.”

Eddie chuckled, “Not to mention they can talk to trees and animals.”

Norma looked to Victor almost in relieved tears, “I thought I was the only one that could hear plants.” Vic stole that as a chance to close the distance for a warm kiss and hug in your second trip for the last of the bags with Eddie and James. After which once the front door was locked and all the bags were settled in place she looked to you asking, “What can you do?”

Victor chuckled, “Depends what you need her to. Controlling metal, super healing, her body can shift to metal, also she can tap people’s minds, make them do things and give a good head zing to stop them in their tracks.”

James said, “Not to mention she’s got a new power of teleporting things we’re working on.”

Eddie chuckled at her stunned look over you, saying, “Sort of got a jackpot of powers.”

“Most likely to make up for my disadvantage in height.”

James, “Oh, can’t forget the strength, speed and super smelling.”

Norma’s brow inched up, “Super smelling?”

“I can smell things two blocks away. Very sensitive nose, not like their sense of smell, more animalistic than mine. So, rose petals?”

Norma wet her lips saying, “I can grow flowers, and usually I can control it, but since I’ve no doubt been pregnant I keep making petals.”

Dawn, “Well, we’ll see about keeping you from sneezing.”

She looked to you asking, “What if it happens around your family?”

Grinning at her you said, “My cousin has similar powers to mine. His mother I’m not certain of, even Erik is a bit lax on sharing her abilities, my dad had them too, so she’s bound to have some.”

Norma looked to Dawn, “I’m sorry I couldn’t be like you.”

Dawn shook her head, “Not my worries, Eddie seems to be like me, even though Venom’s latched onto him. Just hard to keep up with distractions in public for accidental slips.”

.

Introductions had been made and bundled warmly the confirmed pregnant Norma enjoyed another walk with Victor to show her the old house to be finished up over the summer she was excited to see once no longer boarded up. Already you had gone to choose a dress for her and had joined in on helping to ready the barn for a lovely ceremony at the end of the week.

“Shouldn’t that be higher?” you asked about the string of lights making the two guys draping it across the beams overhead smirk at the clear droop in the middle.

Dot however answered for them, “We have to droop that to secure the ribbons for the vines above first so they won’t touch the lights.”

“Right,”

She chuckled and one of the men said, “It’s alright. Halfway forgot when Eddie and Dawn sprung it on us. But we caught it in time.”

“I have run out of siblings so mine will be the last one.”

The men chuckled saying, “No trouble at all. Have seven bashes if you like.”

While Dot said, “What about that cousin of yours?”

“He is not allowed to get married yet.”

Dot giggled coming to give you a hug, “Oh come now Bunny, no one is forcing him down the aisle before you.”

“Everyone,” you muttered making her giggle again.

“It does seem like a conspiracy from the outside. Both brothers married off, and pregnant too.”

“Pepper is single so just keep your cats at bay so Whiskers doesn’t have any broods.”

Dot, “I think his priority right now is baby making. But just in case I will let your neighbors know to keep Tufty and Tafty indoors for as long as they can manage.”

“I know those two they won’t manage long.” Making her giggle again, “Oh, three babies and kittens by summer. I can feel it.” To the side you turned and went to inspect the decorations on the bar.

.

The tear drop pink stone on the rose gold band surrounded by small rows of diamonds was matched by a wedding band with an arch to form a crown of sorts coated with diamonds as well completed the set for the now named Norma Jeane Creed. To go with her band was a simple diamond and silver ring for Victor. Three bands coated in diamonds woven together, secured in the center with two silver antlers surrounding a diamond heard above a smaller teardrop shaped stone. Not a matching set but suited to their own tastes, and for him at least a binding pledge to be faithful to her and their child, or hopefully children should they last long enough. He now had faith she could bear him children, though still for his doubts he did not believe that her promise to him would be anywhere near as devoted to yours and James’ would be. But he didn’t mind, as their bond would always last with their babies and he would never abandon her no matter her choices to remain his or not.

All the same you stood up as Bridesmaid with Dawn with Eddie and James as Groomsmen. Nothing too fancy with no speeches at their request but ample dancing and food for the lovely intimate affair the whole town enjoyed as a sort of agreed upon welcome to town for all of you. For three days they would take up the private cabin as their own honeymoon while you set up the rooms for Erik and Edie for their arrival as his school break was beginning.

pt 38

All –

@himoverflowers​, @theincaprincess​, @aspiringtranslator​ ​,@thegreyberet​, @patanghill17​, @jesgisborne​, @curvestrology​, @alishlieb​, @jogregor​, @armitageadoration​, @fizzyxcustard​, @lilith15000​, @marvels-ghost​, @catthefearless​, @imjusthereforthereads​, @c-s-stars​, @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore​, @mariannetora​, @shes-a-killer-kween, @ggbbhehe4455, @xxbyimm (Hobbit x oc)

X Marvel-Cast - @himoverflowers, @theincaprincess​, @changlingkhat

[lifeinahole27]

CS ff: “Walking the Tightrope” (Chapter 6/10) (au)

Summary: Killian’s daily routines are a matter of habit. When he wakes up late one morning, his routines all change for the better. Emma doesn’t care about routines, but she does care about Killian, no matter how reluctant she is to admit it to herself.

Rating: E (much later in the story)

Content Warnings: Maybe some strong language. Attempts at sexual situations. I did mention this was a slow burn, right? Like. Super slow burn.

A Special Thank You: My continued gratitude to my lovely friends, @captainstudmuffin and @phiralovesloki. And a heap of love to @captainswanbigbang for putting this together and helping me accomplish this.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | 

Find it on Ao3 & FFN!

-x-

Chapter 6: Softening the Edges

November 2: Saturday

The last time Emma remembers going on a date, it was with Walsh - and while she has a feeling Killian would appreciate the LBD with a leather twist that she still owns, she’d rather not wear something that has a memory of that asshole attached.

All of the other dresses she owns are tight and short, which worked a lot better for picking up one-night-stands. None of those dresses are going to be the right ones, either, which is why they’re all still in the back of her closet.

Instead, she’s looking at the choices hanging in front of her that she unpacked while on the phone with Killian last night. One was an impulse buy from this past spring, and the other two are loaners from Ruby and Snow.

It’s noon, and there are hours to go before the date, but Emma wants this to be perfect so she diligently takes each dress off the hanger, slipping it on and assessing each option carefully before moving on to the next. 

Her timer goes off, letting her know it’s time to retrieve her laundry. Normally, all she wants to do on a Saturday is lounge around, but nerves have her going strong right now. She also wants the loft to be spotless. Just in case she has a visitor tonight, but that’s not something she’s anticipating, so to speak, but it could be. 

The way her stomach flips tells her exactly how big of a deal that actually feels like. 

Instead of dwelling on the hopeful way he invited her in for hot chocolate on Halloween, Emma focuses on her tasks. She switches out the clothes before going back to try on the last two dresses. 

It’s between a black one that Ruby lent her and a pink one she bought online, and it’s not until the latter is on her body that she decides it’s the one. It’s soft and almost fluid, and she takes a moment to turn back and forth to feel the skirts brush against her thighs. She stands in front of her mirror admiring the picture it all makes, so unlike how she dresses for work or even for a night on the town. 

Off it goes and back on the hanger, and Emma makes sure to set out the rest of what she’ll wear, finding the perfect heels to go with it before heading downstairs to clean her bathroom. 

She’s never been one for following a specific routine other than necessities, but Emma goes through her process later when she’s getting ready. It’s maybe the only time she cares about being orderly, stashing all her makeup back away when she’s finished with another whisper to herself that it’s better to be safe.

Killian texted and said he’d be there at six-thirty, and she’s just fixed the backing on her second earring when the knock comes. 

Shaking out her hands one last time, Emma swings open the door for Killian, and immediately all thoughts simple and pure fly out the window. 

Suits and ties, she’s used to. Even the waistcoats. But this look is somehow familiar yet completely new. No thoughts of offices and editors come to mind when she looks at the total picture that the black jeans and leather vest gives off. She's tempted to invite him in now, but she’s hungry and has no intention of turning Killian into one of her really bad statistics. 

Killian, meanwhile, has a look on his face that she’ll be replaying for as long as she lives. His eyes scan her from top to bottom, not in a sexual way but in stunned surprise. And yeah, because he’s used to seeing her in jeans and a leather jacket, she doesn’t blame him for the expression on his face. He finally picks his jaw up off the floor and looks her in the eye again. 

“You look stunning, Swan,” he says, the words slow to come out as he takes in her appearance. Good to know she’s knocked him off balance, as well.

“You look…” she trails off, not even knowing how to sum it up, but he saves her the trouble.

“I know,” he says, a little smug but mostly matter-of-fact. 

Her laugh is a quick exhalation, her lips turning up into a smirk before he holds out a single rose for her. It’s a small gesture, but it’s still better than any other man has done for her on a first date. Really, on any dates at all. 

“Let me pop this in water and we’ll go,” she tells him, moving quickly to the kitchen to find a vase. 

It’s only once outside that she realizes just how cold it is, and she’s glad she wore her wool coat but momentarily regrets the lack of hat. It would’ve ruined her hair but at least her ears would be warm. 

“I hope you weren’t lying about trusting me,” Killian says as he guides her to an SUV that’s idling against the curb. 

“What’s this?”

“Robin let me borrow his vehicle for the evening. He’s been helping me get used to American driving. Might be a different side of the road but I think we’ll be all right.” He opens the door for her and waits until she’s settled before closing it again. When he climbs in and closes his own door he turns to her for a moment. “I also hope a diligent law officer can turn a blind eye for the sake of a date, since I haven’t gotten my license just yet.”

“Knew there had to be a catch,” she jokes, patting his arm comfortingly. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

It’s been years since she’s gone to Tony’s, and never has it been with a man she was seeing. The last time she was here, it was with Ruby and Snow because they wanted to dress up and feel fancy for a night while also consuming their combined weight in pasta. 

Killian hastens to pull out her chair for her, smiling as he shrugs out of his jacket and drapes it over the back of his chair before settling in across from her. 

“No sad back stories,” Emma says as soon as their waiter walks away. “No prior relationships. Anything else is fair game.”

“You don’t waste any time, do you?”

“Not really. I like you. And I’m scared and excited to be on a date again for the first time in a very long time. And I don’t want to fuck that up by rambling about how shit my luck was before I made it to where I am now.” It takes a lot of effort not to wring her hands together, even as they’re sitting in her lap. No nerves, no tension. Just enjoy a date.

“Fair point. First, let me ask your favorite type of wine,” he says, handing her the menu to consider. 

“Most reds, but not tonight.”

“Afraid you’ll find me even more irresistible?” he asks, leaning back and doing something sinful with his eyebrows when he looks at her. He’s tempting… so very tempting.

“No,” she says after a moment to collect herself. “I like first dates. And I’d rather not be all cloudy by the time my dinner arrives.”

His smile turns to something pure and happy. “No wine, then.” He waits until the waiter has taken their orders before speaking again. “What’s your favorite thing about Storybrooke?” 

“That we have actual seasons here. Not like in Florida where it was just hot and humid until it wasn’t, with a smattering of hurricanes.”

“Or England where there’s maybe forty-five days when the sun shines.”

“You get the point on that one,” Emma tells him. “Why did you decide to move here?”

There’s a few emotions that cross Killian’s face all at once, and she knows without needing the explanation. Will did say it was a story for the man himself. “Okay, we’ll save that for another time, too.”

“I was genuinely surprised that a publishing company wanted to set up an office here in Storybrooke,” Emma says, realizing she’s never asked why.

“Robin prefers forests of trees over concrete jungles,” Killian explains. “There is a central office with a lot more people in New York City, but he only goes down when he has to and we utilize a lot of video conferences for everything else.”

“That’s a lot of distance for just some editing and such, isn’t it?”

“It’s more than just that, love. Robin’s looking to start up workshops and clinics for his signed authors. He’s been hosting a fellowship for new authors for a week at a time at a cabin he owns up on the edge of the town as well. If you ask him, this place has a natural fount of creative powers just waiting to be tapped into. That’s kind of how Henry happened.”

“What do you mean?”

“He was on vacation about a year ago with his parents… well, foster parents. They said as soon as he sat down in the room that he whipped out his pen and paper. By the time they got back from going to grab dinner downstairs at Granny’s, he had just about finished the first chapter. Worked out a deal to buy him a laptop for some chores.”

“That’s amazing. Do they come with him for his meetings with you?”

“Well,” Killian starts, and his face falls. Before the words are out of his mouth, she knows what he’s going to say. “He’s not with that family anymore. That couple did everything they could to try to make up for the fact that they had to move and not take him with them, so he has his own laptop, we communicate with him via an iPod, and he has a suitcase that he protects with his life. But his current situation is... not as ideal.”

Emma swallows hard, a bubble of emotion getting lodged in her throat. “I can imagine how much that must hurt for him.”

“He’s been in higher spirits since his new foster parents started letting him travel on his own. He’s just turned sixteen and he’s fiercely independent, so he loves to take the train from Portland by himself and make his way up the coast for a weekend, even if it’s just a few hours away.” 

“Sometimes even just a few hours can feel like a whole different country.”

“I gather you’ve lived in a few places if that’s the way you feel.”

“I didn’t really live in Boston. But sometimes going down there to visit was like going to the far reaches of the Earth. Tallahassee was too far, when it came down to it, so I’ve mostly lived here in Storybrooke with a few exceptions.”

“Where you’ve followed the family business to be a police officer.”

“Correct. Have a shiny degree with my name on it and everything. It’s just from an online degree program, but…”

She’s surprised when Killian reaches across the table to touch her hand. “Online degrees are just as valid and important as ones earned in person at a university.”

There’s something about the way he says it - Emma is positive that he’s giving the affirmation to both of them - but she pushes past wanting to ask him about it and instead flips her hand around to briefly link her fingers with his. “You’re right. They are. And I’m proud of mine.”

“But you refuse to wear a uniform?”

The urge to shudder crawls up her spine but she controls that, as well. “Hate the things. Way too unflattering, way too uncomfortable. Besides, David decided we didn’t really need them since it’s such a small department. As long as we don’t come in wearing sweatpants, he’s okay with it.”

“Do you enjoy it?”

“Yeah,” Emma says, almost immediately. “There was a time when I was younger that I was sure I wouldn’t, but I do now. By the way, Regina approved our budget for upgrades. I’m sitting down on Monday and just going to town online shopping for all the things we need. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to get everything we want and still have some left over.”

“That’s fantastic,” he exclaims, looking genuinely happy for her. She’s so unused to this kind of support and attention, but she’s certainly not going to complain. 

When their food arrives, they slow down a little bit but not by much. Back and forth they ask and answer, between bites of food and avoidance of the hard stuff - both in liquor and life experiences. There’s plenty to be talked about there: Emma has a metric ton of shit in her history and she knows she’ll have to talk about it eventually, but eventually isn’t today. By the time they’ve ordered dessert, she’s more relaxed than she’s ever felt on a date before. They only ordered one of the delectable selections, something that’s ice cream and delicious and not the standard tiramisu. As the check arrives, Killian reaches for his wallet and Emma grabs for her purse. At that, his eyebrow pops up.

“I’ve never been on a date with a woman who pulled out her wallet at the end,” he admits. “Would you prefer to split or would it be okay if I paid for the both of us?”

“I’ve never been on a date with a man who asked,” Emma says, gesturing for him to go on as she tucks her handbag away again. “Did you have a choice to work in NYC when you moved here?” Even though they talked about the Storybrooke location earlier, she realizes she never asked him that. 

“No. Robin specifically hired me to be a junior editor in this office.”

“Would you have preferred to work there instead of here?”

“Not at all,” Killian says without even a second of hesitation. The quickness surprises her, just like so much constantly does with him. “I was working in London and living right on the outskirts of the city when I applied for this position. I’d had enough of bustling and tourism and noise. When Robin told me I’d be moving to a town in Maine that had a population of less than ten thousand, it felt like the right move. And now that I’m settling in, I know I’ve made the right choice.”

“I may be biased, but I think you did, too.”

With the bill all settled, they exit the restaurant into the cool night air, with Emma’s hand tangled with Killian’s. She noticed that the patrons all glanced as they came and went, but Emma hopes that she and Killian are yesterday’s news before too long. It’s probably the only downside to this small town that they all feel the need to gossip like wildfire. 

He opens the car door for her again, letting his fingers trail across hers as he releases her hand and sends little shocks of heat along her skin. 

Killian walks her all the way to her door, his thumb gently rubbing against hers as they climb the stairs. She turns when they get to her door, slipping a little bit into his personal space.

“Well, not bad,” she says, reaching down and taking his hand and hook in her hands. “You managed to make me forget that I’ve spent the last three days trying to get oil spots out of my jeans thanks to an unfortunate call to Billy’s shop the other day.”

“That’s an easy, three-step process if you’d like my assistance.”

“In that case, wanna come in for some coffee and stain removal?”

He hums, stepping forward so they’re toe-to-toe, their noses brushing as she’s just at the same height with her heels on. When he speaks, his breath tickles her lips and she frees up her hands in favor of running them up the lapels of his jacket to rest on his shoulders. 

“Aye, but first, I’ve been waiting to do this all night,” he tells her, his voice low and husky and everything she wants to hear right now.

Then his lips are on hers and she’s perfectly fine with not hearing his voice because she’d rather be doing this anyway. Carefully, without breaking the kiss, she inches backwards until she can lean on the door, pulling Killian against her and letting all her thoughts leave for the moment. She doesn’t put out on the first date, but that doesn’t mean they can’t do anything else, right? His grip on her hip feels as tense as she is, and she finally stops so she can get her door unlocked. 

When it swings open, however, her apartment isn’t dark and empty like she left it, and she jolts away from Killian in surprise at Snow propped on her breakfast bar and David standing behind her counter. 

“Hey! We weren’t sure when… oh!”

Clearly, the other couple hadn’t expected Killian to still be attached to Emma when they hatched a plan to come see how it went instead of waiting until the next day. Emma glances at Killian to see the amused smile on his face. She also sees that this is where the train stops tonight, and she sighs. 

“Give us a second,” Emma says to her family as she crowds Killian back into the hallway for some semblance of privacy; she knows how thin her door is. “Do you still want to come in and have coffee? Probably get the concerned-father speech from David?”

“I suppose we’ll just have to wait until next time for all of that,” he says, definitely not unkindly but there’s a hint of disappointment that this is where their evening ends, and she knows the feeling. 

“Next time, huh? I don’t remember asking.”

“That’s because it’s my turn,” he tells her, his voice light and playful. Just as quickly, he gets a serious look in his eyes and she’s not sure a marching band coming out of her apartment would tear her attention away from him. “Will you go out with me again?”

His eyes are so sincere, his expression hopeful and patient and of course she’s going to go out with him again. She steps forward, deciding that actions are better than words right now, kissing him softly but solidly, making sure it teeters right on the edge of the heat they were producing just a few minutes ago. 

She can’t get over the way he holds her, the way his arms come around her and mold her against his body. That paired with the way he kisses her back, the low rumble he makes when her hand comes up to brush against his cheek before sliding into his hair, she almost gets lost to the sensations all over again, Snow and David be damned. 

With effort, Emma pulls back the tiniest bit, trying to catch her breath more at the way he leans his forehead against hers than the kiss itself at this point. 

“Okay,” she breathes out. “Goodnight Killian.”

“Goodnight,” he replies, his voice sounding equally unsteady. 

She looks back at him one more time, biting her lower lip at the mirrored look on his face. 

“I need to get the locks changed,” she mutters as she opens the door to her apartment again. “So, let’s talk about how you guys broke into my apartment tonight!”

-x-

Listening to Emma re-greet David and Snow makes Killian chuckle for a moment, and he takes a big breath as he settles his blood again. This woman is already so far under his skin that it’s hard to believe it’s only been a few months since they first spoke to one another. 

He has Robin’s car until morning, so it’s a quick, warm drive home. When he steps inside, Killian closes the door and locks it behind him, turning on light after light as he walks through the rooms that he’s inhabited for almost five months. He’s restless, only because he’s already looking forward to the next moment he gets to see Emma, and as his eyes land on various boxes and empty corners, he decides to use this momentum to finish what he started the day before. 

After changing out of his clothes and into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, Killian retrieves his box cutter from the kitchen from his last unpacking adventure and starts with his office. 

It’s more than past time for him to officially make this place his home.  

-x- November 4: Monday

It takes effort for Killian to crawl out of bed on Monday. It’s probably the first time in as long as he can remember that he doesn’t bounce right out of bed as soon as his eyes are open. That excludes times he’s been sick, of course. He’s only human. But he’s not sick today. He’s tired. Downright exhausted, and with every right to be so. When he finally drags his eyes open, he looks around the room at all he accomplished. Gone are the barren walls and empty hangers. Every single piece of clothing he owns is now tidily put into its place. Trudging through his morning routine, Killian still manages to smile wide when he opens his closet to the wide array of clothes all readily available. 

He’s nearly ready when he hears the horn outside, and he smiles with the knowledge that Emma is out there waiting for him. With careful movements, he pours the two mugs of coffee from his pot and rinses it out, making sure it’s turned off before heading out. 

They’ve got a good deal starting, as far as he can tell. She brings the car, he brings the caffeine, and it’s almost as good as their walks. 

He rushes to the car through the morning chill, happy to at least have his scarf and hat in place. She pushes the door open from her side when she sees he’s laden with coffee mugs pressed against his chest with the help of his left arm.

“Hi! You found some winter weather gear!”

“Aye, finally got around to a lot of things I’ve been meaning to work on,” he tells her as he settles in, shutting the door firmly against a cold blast of wind. “Brought you coffee.”

“Thanks,” she says, grabbing the mug from him and taking a sip. She reaches over, almost without thought and squeezes his wrist to emphasize her words. 

Their banter on the way to his office is as it always is, but when she stops in front of NeverEndings, there’s care in the way she leans towards him. He meets her halfway, sighing into the simplicity of the kiss and wishing he could dawdle and kiss her in her car all day. 

“I have my lunch hour totally free today,” she tells him when they finally do part. “Want me to swing by?”

“I have a meeting with Henry this morning. I’m not quite sure how long it’ll go, but stop in and we’ll see?”

She smiles and nods, waving once as he climbs from the car and shuts the door. 

By the time Emma shows up at noon, he very clearly needs the respite. Henry is looking similarly worn down, obvious by the way the teenager is slumped in his chair, fiddling with a fidget cube that Killian keeps by his monitor for moments of extreme stress. That’s how Emma finds them, with Killian fighting off a yawn as he stares at his computer screen and Henry teetering on death by boredom. 

“Whoa. Are you guys working or just slowly melting into your seats here?”

“I’m melting,” Henry says without moving anything that isn’t absolutely necessary. 

“I’m working,” Killian adds, sitting up and stretching his neck to release the knots that are dying to form along his spine. “Darling, I’ve got just three more pages left on these edits. I’m so sorry. Would you like to stick around until we’ve finished?”

“Are you his girlfriend?”

Killian sputters for a second, unsure of how to introduce them in this situation. 

“I’m Emma,” she says, saving him from anything else. “So, Killian tells me you come up for vacations?” After shifting around a couple items, Emma makes herself comfortable by perching on the edge of the desk. 

“I did, back when…” Henry trails off, and Killian can see from this angle that Emma’s face falls into something that borders on understanding. He knows that she was raised by David’s mother, but he also knows that she uses a different surname than the Nolan household, so maybe there’s a kinship that he wasn’t even anticipating between them. 

As they get lost in conversation, Killian desperately wants to keep paying attention, to absorb in the information that she hasn’t yet divulged to him, but the edits call back to him and before he knows it, he’s lost to the words in front of him once more. 

Far longer than he would’ve liked to spend on it, he’s finally at the end of the passage and he saves the file with a noise of victory. 

“Alright, lad. We’ve got it. That’s the whole thing with edits and comments now done.”

“Really?”

“Aye. The next part is all up to you. We’ll get a look at your schedule and set up another meeting in the middle of the month if you think you can handle that.”

The boy scoffs, accepting the folder and thumb drive that Killian hands over to him. “I can practically make these changes with my eyes closed at this point.”

“Yeah, yeah. Safe travels back to the city.”

With a final wave, Henry exits his office and Killian slumps down in his chair, peering around his monitor as Emma relaxes back in the chair that Henry just vacated.

“Thanks for your patience, love. How’s your day going?”

“Better than yours, it seems. I texted Ruby and she’ll have lunch waiting for us. You ready?”

“Would you carry me there?”

Emma laughs, music to his ears, and he hauls himself from his chair, taking her hand when she offers it. 

Killian’s own lunches don’t usually last very long, but he feels he’s earned the right to relax for a little bit since the first round of edits is officially done, and his “quick” morning meeting just went two hours over his proposed time slot for it.

It’s not the end of the job, of course. There will still be more edits after Henry comes back with his changes. But that’s in two weeks, and until that time, Killian can start worrying about everything else with the book. 

Not only are there design aspects to be considered, but they’ll have the company Christmas party in New York next month, which will act as some kind of debut for Henry. It’s the one time every year that all the employees and authors come together. In England, they’ll be hosting their own version of the event, but over here, it’s a chance to celebrate the creativity that’s come out of the whole year and for Robin to announce everything they’ll look forward to in the one to come. 

While he always has an outfit ready for the black tie event, he’ll also be in charge of making sure Henry is taken care of. He’ll have to ask the lad whether he has a suitable outfit. Despite being the editor for such young talent, Killian’s primary anxiety rests over getting everything done and in a timely fashion. He decided after their first meeting that Henry was more mature than a good deal of the grown men and women he’s worked with before, but in the eyes of the world, he’s still a child, and he wants them all to see Henry like he does.

After the party will be the actual book release, and the press for it. And then there’s the worry over its success or failure, of course...

“Hey, Killian.”

“Hmm?”

Emma pulls him down for a quick kiss right on the lips. “You’ve gotta let your brain rest for a couple minutes. Coffee?” 

He looks around, having missed the whole walk over to Granny’s, apparently. He sighs, letting Emma lead them up the path to the diner. “Yes, that would be helpful.”

“I might be wrong, but I feel like you’re freaking out a little bit.”

“You’re not wrong,” he admits to her. “I just want everything to be perfect. He’s so talented, but he’s young. And one wrong step could mean the book goes nowhere.”

“I don’t think you’re going to let that happen,” she says as she sheds her coat and gloves, setting them on the seat on her side of the booth before she slides in. 

Their food and drinks are placed in front of them almost as soon as they’re settled in, and Ruby gives them both a signature smile before she zips away from the table to tend to the rest of the lunch rush. 

“Told you I gave her the heads up,” Emma says, smiling at him and nodding to his food. “Dig in. How long until you have to be back?”

“I have a meeting with Robin at 2:30 to go over our progress from today,” Killian tells her, glancing at his watch and seeing that Emma’s hour is already almost up. “You want to get a box for that?”

“Nah. I already texted David and told him I would be back later than usual.”

“You’re simply a marvel, Swan. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she says, smiling and propping her hand under her chin and getting comfortable with her hot chocolate, clearly settling in for some quality time.

-x-

It’s weird, Emma thinks, to be the source of comfort for someone. But judging by the way Killian relaxes almost as soon as she reassures him that he’s not going to fuck up is a pretty clear indication that he’s taken the words to heart. What’s weirder is that she likes the feeling, a lot, and wants to keep being able to do this for him whenever he needs it. 

“Tell me something new today,” she urges, using the moment to take a bite of her food before he can turn it around on her. She watches carefully as he gulps, clearly already knowing what he wants to say but maybe afraid to speak the words.

“Promise you won’t let it scare you off?”

“I can try,” she says honestly, but there’s no fear sparking in her stomach, no panic in her lungs. 

“Seeing you for the first time was the moment I finally felt like I was really here - that I’d really moved to a whole new country and started a brand new job. Your hair was down. It caught the sunlight first, and then your badge did. I couldn’t get over how you looked ethereal and yet so solidly real, and you were staring at me as if you were waiting for me.”

It’s her turn to swallow hard, hearing his admission, and knowing that the day he first saw her, she was waiting for him. 

“Wow,” she finally manages. She picks at her forgotten food, the blush rising to her cheeks and the smile unable to be contained. 

“I’ve been told I could write romance novels,” he says, and it’s the seriousness of his tone mixed with the smile in his eyes that finally makes Emma grin as it calms her nerves.

“I’d buy them,” she admits.

“I could write about a hapless Brit learning all about American culture from some blonde goddess in a red leather jacket.”

“And what adventures would they go on, Killian?”

“Epic battles, Swan. They couldn’t have just any boring old story. They would need action, fighting to find each other after being separated, and when it’s all said and done they would share True Love’s Kiss and she would turn him into a frog.” She is so obviously distracted by the way his hand has reached across the table and his fingers are rubbing over her knuckles, the deep timbre of his voice, that she almost misses the last part, but she hears it, and she chortles at the picture he’s painted. 

She takes a deep breath, prepared to share something of her own. “I didn’t want to date you,” she admits. It’s like an anvil dropped in the middle of the table but if he just admitted all of that to her, maybe she can meet him halfway.

His face falls, and she hurries to continue.

“Not like that,” she says reassuringly, giving his hand a squeeze to emphasize. “I had this idea that you would just be this stranger I passed on the street every day and that would be enough. And then we started talking and I thought - okay, this is cool. We can be friends.” She laughs even thinking of it, at the sheer absurdity that she was so sure there would be nothing between them.

“You started it,” he says. “You kissed me first.”

“Yeah? So let’s talk about setting up that second date.”

“Well, I’ve finally finished moving into my flat, so I think it would be nice to have someone over to see it without towers of boxes invading each room.”

“I think that sounds like a good plan.”

There’s a thought that flashes through her mind that adds together one part Killian, one part dinner, one part alone, and it takes her a moment to pull her mind from the gutter once more. Especially when she thinks of how they were interrupted before he could come inside after their first date. 

But more than for anything like that, Emma thinks about how nice it’ll be to have something closer to a quiet night - there won’t be any townspeople staring at them and taking notes to pass around to all their friends. No one will take notice of them leaving and speculate about what’s about to happen next. Plus, the idea of Killian cooking is quite appealing. 

“Saturday?” she asks before they part ways after lunch is over.

“Saturday sounds perfect,” he reassures her. And while she’s already excited for it, she also knows they have a whole week of little moments like this to look forward to. 

-x-

Chapter 7

[fandom-necromancer]

Questions for you (if you're ok answering): what is your favorite fic that you've written and what is your favorite that you've read of somebody else's

Okay, first of all: I love getting questions! I just tend to overshare so I hope that’s okay XD That’s a hard one, though. For one because I have a shit memory, but also because there are so many and I can’t decide. So, this will likely get long and I’ll put it under the cut not to disturb people that aren’t interested!

Shorts

My favourite one I wrote lately was likely the Cyberpunk AU for the Secret Santa? Because I could write whatever I wanted really and it was the first one in a long, long time that I sat down, had no idea what to write, began writing, was sucked in and a few hours later I was sitting there with a story that I absolutely loved. And that has become such a rare occasion lately because nothing is really fun anymore because Corona keeps me in a constant down phase? Idk. That was cool.

Also, the “A little distraction” series was fun! It’s an old story from last year and when I reuploaded that one, I was blown away how many people wanted more of that. As this had been planned for a longer story initially I had to condense into a short, it made me happy too, because people would have liked to read the longer version too, maybe? If I had ever written it? It was just really cool.

The Halloween short with Gavin being an eldritch shadow monster most people overlook completely was fun also because of the same reason as the Cyberpunk AU. I got lost in that one so hard. Really fun to write.

My all-time favourite short story  though is likely the pebble series. It started as a joke in my head but when I sat down to write it, it just felt natural. I kinda really projected on Nines in there and I think I like his personality there the most from all the fics I’ve written about him. They are both just really cute in there.

You can also look for the top ten stories in my opinion from last year’s anniversary if you search my blog in the tag #One Year of Stories and I think the real tag was something like #Last year revisited? I’m not sure though because tumblr and searching blog tags is horrible, hence the archive project XD. Should be around June 2020.

Big stories

I would say A Soldiers Purpose, but that doesn’t count as it isn’t a fic anymore while I rewrite it to be an original Story. Plan to publish that as a “real world” book in German and English hard copy as well as eBook and it should be international publishing? I’m not that sure as I’m still comparing self-publishers and some only serve Germany, US and Australia whats weird but okay. Although I believe with ISBN it should be available almost everywhere just not in stores? I always planned to have it ready before I finished my bachelor thesis but we will see if that is happening (I guess not but I will try). 

The Werewolf AU, definitely. It started as a vent fic to get me out of a really bad place (I guess anyone who read Somebody to die for knows it’s pretty dark) and I mean I’m here now and while I’m not happy I’m definitely happier than when I wrote it so... win? But now that I’m writing Wolfheart I really want to give them a happy ending and hopefully once that story ends the whole personal reason I started writing it ends too, so yeah. Maybe a really personal reason but I’m really invested in that story.

My favourite fic I have ever, ever written though will be one you never get to read (thankfully, hopefully). It’s super old, it’s German, it’s uploaded on a different platform I hope no one of you knows, it’s under yet another name of mine and it’s absolutely objectively bad. The writing is bad, the plot is okayish and I literally killed off the gay characters without noticing that as something bad because I was a very different person back then. But I love it to this day regardless because it got me through some hard times.

Also, as a last comment to my own stories I love my longer stories on AO3 far more than these shorts. Not because they are more fun to write or anything but because I feel like I put a lot of effort into them and put a lot of soul into the stories. But yeah, that’s to that.

Other’s works

My favourite fics I read are so, so damn many… I generally write more than I read but with the amount I write I guess it cancels it out. Also some are pretty old because I mostly read fanfic on the bus and now I haven’t really left the house for a year. I’ll try to keep it short. They are not in any particular order I just went through a few sites of my history. Really I just enjoy everything reverseAU, SoulmateAU, Mute!Nines and them all being softies. Also just the dbh stuff because I’m not sure you would be interested in other fandoms.

Accident by sv926 Soulmate AU, I really dig how the personality of Nines and Gavin are displayed and that it isn’t a “We are soulmates all is perfect now” storyline (although I like that too). Amazing.

Traitor by Skye_Willows, Stujet9rainshine If hurt/comfort was a fic. MedieavalAU. I really love the portrayal of manipulation and how Nines tries to save Gavin from it all. Also Nines is a painter so I’m in.

Soft Spot by Headfulloffantasy A story I really regret not reading earlier. Casefic with amazing characterisation and a plot that leaves you on the edge. Every time you think you got an overview of what happened or an idea of how it continues there is another facette revealed that you just didn’t expect. Can’t wait to read the next chapter.

XVIII by Sandara Cuteness overload but also prepare for the feels. It’s an ReverseAU that is set during the game events. It’s so damn well written I just love it.

Feral Nines by Kaini Nines whump. Kinda. I love it so much. Broken Nines is my weakness and also Mute!Nines. You get a lot of feelings reading this.

all the lonely nights in your life by  willgrahamssadness SoulmateAU that hurts but picks you up and shows you all the fluff in the end. I love it.

Safe and sound by a_calipygian Soft Reed900. With a lot of hurt/comfort. Lovely story about healing and found family. 

The Lion Tamer by celexdraw Equally cute as their drawings. CircusAU I didn’t know I needed but it is so well done. It is a happy story but has enough darkness to make me miss my busstop.

Despite it All by Jennilah Another SoulmateAU I absolutely love. Also has Hannor content I think but I didnt get to read that part yet.

Scrapyard Rookie by Pence Reverse AU that caught my heart. Really cute but with a little bastard GV if I remember correctly.

Sleeves by BloodthirstyMerc More Mute!Nines talking about Gavin’s past self harm. Super cute and comforting and aaaaa.

These Violent Delights by MechanicalBones Will absolutely destroy you. Is amazing and everything I ever wanted. Can recommend to those who too enjoy holding back tears on the bus.

Static Truth and Hunter Hunter Hunted by whatsanapocalae Both are super cute, super angsty and so, so comforting. The author has a really nice writing style too. Got to these fics because i wrote their Deus Ex stuff and discovered they write dbh too.

Rewind the Film by connorssock,Sylvestia Allen60. You will cry. And you will like it. I’m happy it was like 11pm on a bus  no one uses coming home from uni when I came to the part that hits you right in the feels. You have to read it.

Heavy In Your Arms by CatiDono More ReverseAU with Gavin whump. It’s also kinda a reset story. I usually don’t like these, but it starts after the reset so we never get to see the Gavin from before, just the onset of “I used to be a person before and there is someone loving me and grieving but I don’t know them but they are nice what do I do?” I really enjoyed this, although it’s kinda a heavy thing to read.

A mute Gavin one I can’t remember who or where it was from. I think it was on tumblr and timewise before the cornpocalypse but I’m not sure. Could be from connorssock? definitely on tumblr and Gavin lost his voice due to injury. I will try to find that again.

Also one from tumblr I can’t remember the name of, but it was homeless Gavin with Nines helping him. I think that one was from dumb-ways-to-deviate?

I could go on, but I already told far to much when you asked for like... 2 stories? I’m just excited to talk about stories XD

[creamypudding]

The endless chain of writers-block and its effects on productivity

Heyo!

I just thought I'd give an update as to what's happening in regards to writing projects, for anyone wanting to know.

I have a lot of things going on and not enough attention span to stick to any one particular thing. My To-Do list is 18 projects strong and in the last three months I've worked on 4 things (technically 5 if you wanna include Barbershop Duet which I had only minor tweaks needed in order for me to consider it complete enough to post), trying to complete one, getting stuck or bored or uncertain and then sought refuge in another story, only to get stuck, bored, or uncertain in that one and moving on to the next one, etc.

It's been a bit of a hard slog, TBH.

But just to list the four ongoing projects, because I want to get them done in the next 12 months -

The project which took up a lot of my time has been The Anomaly: part 2, which is my Axel is a demon AU. The first part you can currently read on AO3. I've had a very solid plan for that since I first published it a year ago. I wanted to have the story finished for Halloween this year, but the project grew too big. Part 2 is done (but not uploaded), and I have a part 3 and 4 to write now. I got hopelessly stuck on part 3 and moved on to another story, which I'll talk about below. But going back to The Anomaly for a moment - I'm very excited about this story. It's the biggest project I've got going because it has a lot of off-shoot projects attached to it, which I look forward to delving into once I'm done with the main story. And the main story is a beast. I've re-written large parts of part 1 to make it cohesive with the subsequent parts. I added an extra 5000 words to it, bringing the word count up to 40k. I haven't updated the story yet and won't do so until I'm ready to post parts 2, 3 and 4, and I'm not sure when that might be. Part 2 is over 30k, and while I'm not sure about the length of part 3 (esp since I'm so horribly uninspired and stuck on it) but it might be long once I get back into it. I think part 4 will also be quite long as well, as that is the part I’m really looking forward to writing. So you see, it is definitely a project I'm really enjoying... when I'm not stuck on it, and I’m stuck on it because of a POV change. God damn. So I dropped The Anomaly and moved on to this 'short' AkuRoku smut drabble I have to write for a friend, which should be the easiest because it was just supposed to be smut but I got bogged down in backstory and motivations and character drives like I usually do. I got up to a certain point and gave up on it. It feels like I've been working on it for ages but only have like 3000 words of writing to show for it. Also, an added fun bonus (not) of difficulty was a very unexpected crisis I had in regards to writing tense. I had started writing this story in past tense, but then going back to it after spending so much time living and breathing The Anomaly (like I was crazy prolific, writing about 50k in the span of maybe 3 weeks) I couldn't write past tense anymore. I basically rewrote what I had for this AkuRoku story in present tense and continued going with it, until I hit a brick wall and moved on from it.

The project I went on to work on is something I've had sitting on the ‘to be completed’ pile since October 2017. I'm very close to finishing it. Possibly two more chapters, but I am terribly uninspired about writing it too because it's hard. It's a Clack and AkuRoku story, where Cloud and Roxas as brothers (I love that familial relationship). It's also written in past tense, so of course I had a really hard time switching gears from the present tense high I was on from the previous two projects to the past tense this story needed. I thought about re-writing this Combo story but... I had already written too much to warrant the effort of rewriting the whole thing. So I had to stick to past tense and that was insanely hard. It had me in tears. It had me pulling at my hair and doubting that I would ever be able to write anything cohesive and meaningful ever again. Everything I had written felt like crap because I now feel like past tense is too passive. I really enjoy the impact of present tense. So everything I read and wrote felt like swill. 

In the midst of my crisis, I’ve now decided to exclusively write in present tense once I finish the past tense stories. It's also why I haven't gone back to The Anomaly and the AkuRoku story, because I'm scared of getting stuck in present tense mode again. It was really fucking hard to break out of that mindset to write past tense again, so I don't want to relive that experience.

Anyway, predictably, I got stuck on the above project and moved on to the current project which I'm writing. It's pure Clack. I started writing it in September 2017. Back in 2017 I got stuck on this Clack story, moved on to writing the Combo story above, and got stuck on that and started writing what became the behemoth that is The Two Penguins, which consumed two years of my life. But this Clack story is my true passion project. It's the thing I love and cherish the most. It's the thing I've been longing to get back into writing the most. Clack is my OTP, above AkuRoku. It's the pair I fear writing because I feel I can't do it justice; writing Cloud is hard. AkuRoku is my comfort ship. My easy ship. The ship that's as easy to do as breathing. Clack is breathing while climbing Everest, but I love it, and I am determined to finish it (until I get stuck on it and feel tempted to move on to something else 😅). I am three chapters away from finishing this Clack story. I'm having serious concerns about getting stuck after I finish chapter 7 because I think chapter 8 is a POV shift, which (as you may recall was also the thing that made me give up on The Anomaly) is always challenging for me. But God damn, I love Clack. I love this story and I want to finish telling it and exploring really heavy issues around recovery from severe physical and mental trauma (’cause that’s the way I roll). 

Anyway... these are the four projects I've got going at the moment and hope to finish in the next 12 months.

Clack Clack/AkuRoku AkuRoku The Anomaly (I don’t have any solid titles for any of the above stories, bar this one, as I did publish the first part of it, so ship names to identify the stories will have to do)

I want to finish the stories In that order. I'm least excited about the two middle projects, So I figure if I stick The Anomaly at the end it will motivate me to finish the other AkuRoku fic.

If any of you would like to be pre-readers for any of these stories do hit me up. I might need you. When I have people I can talk to and brainstorm with about my current projects, it helps me feel motivated to stick it out and get it done.

Send me asks, chat with me on Twitter or discord. You can find all my handle ID's on my AO3 profile page.

Anyway, I initially came here because I wanted to procrastinate and rave about my Clack project, but I might leave the raving to another day. I've procrastinated enough.

[wbwest]

New Post has been published on WilliamBruceWest.com

New Post has been published on http://www.williambrucewest.com/2017/07/28/west-week-ever-pop-culture-review-72817/

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 7/28/17

One of the best discoveries I’ve made has been the digital subchannel Heroes & Icons. If you’re a cord cutter, then get yourself an antenna and check this thing out. My favorite aspect of it, however, is the fact that it runs a 5-hour Star Trek block six nights a week. Star Trek at 8, Star Trek: The Next Generation at 9, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine at 10, Star Trek: Voyager at 11, and Enterprise at 12. Sunday through Friday. And on Sundays they actually kick things off with Star Trek: The Animated Series at 7. I’ve pretty much watched nothing but Star Trek for the past 2 weeks. I’ve been reacquainted with favorite episodes, like TNG‘s “Chain of Command” and DS9‘s “Far Beyond the Stars”. I’ve discovered some hidden gems, like TOS‘s ” The Cloud Minders”. I’ve even discovered that I don’t hate Voyager or Enterprise as much as I thought I did.

I don’t talk about this too much, but the first 12 years or so of my life were comprised of pretty much NOTHING but Star Trek. From 1987-94, my favorite show on television was The Next Generation. When DS9 debuted, I expected it to continue my love affair, but it felt too preachy with its Space Holocaust allegory. It was in the later seasons, once the Dominion War began, that it actually ensconced itself as my favorite iteration of the franchise. By the time Voyager debuted, I had discovered comics, and they became my new mistress. While I watched about 4 hours of TNG a day in high school (Channel 20 REALLY loved playing TNG), my heart didn’t have room in it for a new Trek, so I “No time for love, Dr. Jones”‘ed Captain Janeway and her crew. Enterprise debuted when I was in college, and  I was simply too busy worried about other shit to watch Captain Quantum Leap and his crew. Plus, due to some kind of contractual fallout, Ithaca didn’t get UPN. So, since the finale of DS9, my Trekkerdom lay dormant.

But when I say “I’ve forgotten more than you’ll ever know”, that’s primarily about Star Trek. I had several editions of the Star Trek Encyclopedia, I had the Technical Manual, the Technical Journal, the Star Trek Chronology. All of it. I’ve got the figures, and the role play toys. I even created my own uniform for Halloween back in the 90s. I was all Trek, 24/7, and you couldn’t tell me shit. Over time, though, that trivia got overwritten by X-Men 1st appearance notations and the names of TNBC actresses. What I’m saying, though, is that Heroes & Icons brought it all rushing back. It’s like I’m 15 again, blowing the evening watching Star Trek episodes I’ve already seen hundreds of times already. It’s also given me new perspectives on things that completely went over my head when I was younger. For example, Sisko is the Bajorans’ Space Jesus, and that’s pretty heavy. Even he doesn’t believe it, but in the end, yup it turns out he’s Space Jesus. I’ve also got thoughts on the current state of the franchise, too.

At SDCC, we got the above trailer for Star Trek: Discovery, which will air in North America on CBS All Access (yes, Dean, I know you’ll say All Anal Access because it sucks that we have to subscribe to another service just to watch this thing). I had no interest in this show because everything I heard about it didn’t sound like Star Trek. Now, though, the more they try to sell it as a bunch of new ideas, the more it just sounds like DS9. It’s gonna be Trek with interpersonal conflict. Great. I can get down with that. Its aesthetic seems more like late-era Stargate than Trek, though – especially those Klingon designs. There are certain things, though, that still feel like they miss the mark.

Take for example the fact that the show will feature the first same-sex couple on a Star Trek series, played by Rent‘s Anthony Rapp and My So Called Life‘s Wilson Cruz. Yeah, I get that representation is important, but it bothers me that this is being done in a prequel series, set before the events of the original Star Trek. With the exception of Enterprise, this is the series that takes place the closest to our timeline, so it’s really not much of a leap to think that same-sex couples exist. Ya know what would’ve meant more to me (as a straight, cis male who really doesn’t have a dog in the race but is still opinionated)? If the show had actually been a post-Dominion War, sequel series to TNG/DS9/Voyager, and it featured a same-sex couple. Science fiction tends to go 2 ways: it’s either dystopian or it’s about HOPE. As it stands, from what we’ve seen, same-sex couples are pretty much nonexistent in the 24th century. Yeah, I’m sure they exist, but we never saw them. It seems like it would be a testament to how enduring they are to see them that far in the future as opposed to just a couple of hundred years from now, when Discovery is set.

I could also be politicizing this for my own agenda, as I really want to know what happened after the war ended. Sure, there are books and stuff, but those things aren’t canon. I feel there are so many stories to tell from that era, and I’d love to see the franchise move forward instead of dance between the raindrops of continuity in the past. It feels like they’re stalling, which is how it felt with Enterprise and even the Kelvin movies. Someone, somewhere out there has got to have a great idea as to how to move the franchise forward and I hope CBS/Paramount finds them sooner rather than later.

SDCC Bullet Points

The bulk of San Diego Comic Con took place over the weekend, and here’s some stuff that debuted:

Michelle Pfeiffer is Hank Pym’s lost wife, Janet Van Dyne, in Ant-Man and The Wasp

The Captain Marvel film will be set in the 90s, and introduce the Skrulls to the MCU. Oh, and Nick Fury will have 2 eyes

We got this trailer for Ready Player One, which was hella polarizing. It seems a lot of folks hated the book on which it’s based. If you ask me, it just looks like a cinematic version of this commercial:

Comic creator Frank Miller, of 300 and Sin City fame, is writing a Superman: Year One story with art from John Romita Jr. Nothing about that sentence makes me want to open my wallet.

We got a new trailer for X-Men spinoff, The Gifted. I’m actually surprised they used established mutants like Polaris and Thunderbird. And is that actually Fenris?! I want to like this, but it just looks so…Fox.

We got a new trailer for The Defenders on Netflix. I get that this is the culmination of all the Marvel Netflix shows, but it didn’t do much for me since I’ve only seen 2 out of 5 seasons so far. There’s no way I’ll get caught up by this premiere date, but I’m sure it’ll mean more to me once I’m up to date. Kinda tired of the hallway fight trope, though.

Legends of Tomorrow is such a fun show. It started kinda dry, but got so much better last year. It reminds me of a syndicated Saturday afternoon show, but in a good way.

This Justice League trailer did very little for me. It’s like, sure, Wonder Woman’s cool, but we JUST saw her. Aquaman seems cool, but he’s not really “Aquaman”. I’ll see it, but I ain’t looking forward to it. No, for me, November belongs to:

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

We’ll have to wait a bit longer for our annual dose of Abbi and Ilana, as Comedy Central has moved the Broad City season 4 premiere from August 23rd to September 13th

A few months ago, it was reported that Amy Schumer would be starring in a Barbie movie. Well, I made fun of that, she blocked me on Twitter, and then eventually dropped out of the role. Now they’re reporting that Anne Hathaway is up for the role, which is somehow more bewildering than the Schumer choice…

Justin Bieber cancelled the rest of his Purpose world tour because he was “committing his life to Christ”. This pissed off his crew, as they were left without jobs. He, then, proceeded to run over a paparazzo with his truck while leaving church. I swear, you can’t make this shit up!

Amazon’s Jeff Bezos has replaced Bill Gates as the richest man in the world.

Beginning September 29th, Hulu will begin streaming the Warner Bros shows that comprised ABC’s TGIF lineup, including Perfect Strangers, Family Matters, Full House, Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper, and Step By Step. Meanwhile, Netflix is feverishly developing Perfecter Strangers, Family Still Matters, Chillin’ With Mr. Cooper, and Step By Step By Step.

I haven’t seen a non-country music video in years, but apparently they still make them, as Katy Perry will host the 2017 MTV Video Music Awards

Speaking of the VMAs, following the lead of the MTV Movie Awards, they’re doing away with the gendered categories Best Male/Best Female Artist, to be replaced by Artist of the Year. Also, in a bit of pandering,  they’ve created the Best Fight Against the System, for those artists who have called for folks to #RESIST and all that.

Though I felt its farcical nature wore a bit thin during its first season, TBS’s Angie Tribeca has been renewed for season 4.

Smallville‘s Tom Welling is joining Fox’s Lucifer and *yawn* that’s really all there is to say about that.

Netflix has ordered 20 episodes of the animated series Disenchantment from The Simpsons creator Matt Groening. It will features the voices of Nat Faxon, Eric Andre, and Abbi Jacobson. Apparently it’s about elves and trolls and shit. Not really my bag, baby.

Person of Interest‘s Michael Emerson has been cast in a mysterious role for Arrow‘s 6th season. So, he’s probably Deathstroke’s accountant or something.

Because SyFy just doesn’t care anymore, and because they need something to air between Sharknados, Wynonna Earp has been renewed for a 3rd season.

The Wonder Woman sequel has a release date of December 13th, 2019

Apple discontinued the iPod Nano and Shuffle models, as they are the last remaining models that cannot run iOS apps.

Current Superman Henry Cavill grew a mustache for his role in Mission Impossible 37: Mission Harder, which will have to be digitally removed for Justice League reshoots. Ya know, the movie where he’s supposed to be dead, but is actually the worst kept secret in Hollywood.

Lionel Richie and Charlie Puth are in talks to join ABC’s American Idol reboot as judges. Yeah, that’s funny. Unless they’re coaching the contestants on how to get caught cheating while dancing on the ceiling, I’m not sure what Richie’s old ass brings to the table. And Puth is simply too new to be judging anybody.

New James Bond film in 2019. Nobody knows who’s playing him or directing the thing, but it’s coming. Yesiree, Bob!

Since they’re handing out cinematic universes like chicken samples at a food court, the John Wick universe will be expanded by the female-focused film, Ballerina.

Michael Phelps raced a CGI shark and people felt betrayed. He’s the friggin’ son of Poseidon! He can’t race ACTUAL sharks! There would be civil unrest beneath the surface!

With DC being the political capital of the country, it’s hard for a news person to stand out because the place is crawling with them. That wasn’t true, however, for Jim Vance. Everyone knew him and the man was an institution. Coming to NBC4 in 1969, he was one of the first Black anchors in a major news market. He anchored for over 4 decades, ingraining himself into the families of those who watched him.

When I was a toddler, I was really into the local news (I’ve always said I’m regressing as I get older), and I could name every anchor on every local newscast. And this was a golden age of DC news. You had the great Glenn Brenner, you had Maury Povich before he became a talk show host, and you had Vance. There was something about him that made him seem like your aunt’s cool boyfriend. He was an old man with a hoop earring. We used to laugh about it, but secretly I was hating because I knew I’d never be able to pull that off at his age. He rode motorcycles and laughed inappropriately at news stories he found funny. He was a guy who made you glad to watch the news, especially as the cries of Fake News! grew louder.

Back in May, Vance announced that he had been diagnosed with cancer, and it advanced rather quickly. He passed away last Saturday morning, and the announcement touched all corners of the DC area (no, I’m not calling it the DMV!). It was touching to see all of the tributes to him on the local stations, from those who were colleagues and competitors. Last Saturday night, News4 spent the entire 11 PM news talking about Vance and what he meant to DC. This might sound crazy, but it was so refreshing to watch the news without a single drop of actual news being reported. No Trump b.s., no local murders, not even a weather report. Just 30 minutes about a man who we basically grew up with in our homes. I always kinda took him for granted because you just expected he would be there every evening, but I’ve certainly missed him since he’s gone. I know he won’t mean much to those of you outside the DC viewing area, but believe me when I say that everybody here knew who Jim Vance was, and we’re all going to miss him in one way or another. For that reason, Jim Vance had the West Life Ever.

[gossipgirl2019-blog]

Jerrika Karlae Decided To Rap And It's Working: "U Ain't Slime Enough" Rapper Talks Music, Relationships & More

New Post has been published on http://gr8gossip.xyz/jerrika-karlae-decided-to-rap-and-its-working-u-aint-slime-enough-rapper-talks-music-relationships-more/

Jerrika Karlae Decided To Rap And It's Working: "U Ain't Slime Enough" Rapper Talks Music, Relationships & More

“THESE BITCHES AIN’T SLIME ENOUGH!” became a defining moment and lyric from Young Thug‘s inaugural compilation album, Slime Language. Reading it now, you should instantly recall Jerrika Karlae’s slightly coarse, sing-song-yell of the lyric, relayed with so much passion you know she absolutely meant it. When you sing along, you likely mean it too. That’s the thing about mostly everything Jerrika Karlae does: it’s passionate, purposeful, and genuine. I gather this much from our phone conversation last week, which occurs a day before her birthday. The next day, Thug would wish her a happy birthday, and while it could have resulted in something materialistic (new clothes, jewelry, plane, whatever the case), he wrote to her: “Keep goin up up and over, I’m with u when u ain’t with yo-self kid!! I hope u become RICHER,SEXIER, SMARTER then everybody in the world.”

The fact that he wished for her to become her best self– aka richer, smarter and sexier– truly says some thing of their relationship. They’re grown. 

Their relationship has been fodder for gossip blogs and Instagrammers ever since Thug himself started making waves online. After one particularly public and drama-filled break-up stint last year (and if you need me to re-hash exactly what happened, you, clearly, are -not- slime enough), the two eventually let bygones be bygones, preferring to grow and mature as a couple. Jerrika knows that they are stronger when they are together, streamlining their vision and working on their goals as a team. 

One of the new goals for the YSL lovebirds is the fact that Jerrika Karlae, going by Karlae for musical purposes, is going to be a rap artist. She dipped her toe into the pool with the verse and hook on “U Ain’t Slime Enough,” but there is plenty more on the way, and it all sounds very exciting. She’s just as excited about it too– she can’t help but gush when discussing her upcoming music, which includes a very strategically-planned (I recommend reading on) collab with Rich the Kid, “Rich Bitch” and her personal favorite called “Irregular.”

The thing is, when your boyfriend is Thugger Thugger, there will be extremely high expectations for your music. The minute Karlae shared a photo of herself in the booth I set my very own expectation (sorry, not sorry Jerrika): that the music was going to be fire as fuck (!). 

The thing is, too, that Karlae is all too aware of these expectations, which is why she’s taking her time. We’ve yet to receive another release from the artist since her lone appearance on Slime Season, although she has a bunch of music locked and loaded (features and producers are all friends of the YSL family– if you know, you know). While she had plans to drop a project on her recent birthday, she’s delaying it until Halloween to make sure it’s perfect.

Karlae has a vibrant, magnetic energy, even just speaking on the phone– she sounds happy, genuine, enthralled throughout our conversation. She sounds confident, too. She knows she’s stepping into unfamiliar territory when it comes to rap. She knows it’s more than just “unfamiliar” territory, in fact, it’s safeguarded, it’s cautious– because she knows people will say, “why is Thug’s girlfriend “all of a sudden” deciding to rap?” 

That’s the thing. She did just decide to rap. And that’s completely okay. 

—-

HotNewHipHop: Hey Karlae, this is Rose from HotNewHipHop.

Karlae: Hiiii, how’re you?

Good. What are you up to today? What’s a typical day for Karlae?

I’m justIn Atlanta, I’m usually running errands either for Thug or myself. But now that I’m an artist, my days consist of waking up, running my errands in a quick time frame and then hitting the studio usually about 8:00 everyday. Or some days I’ll go a little earlier but now, music is becoming my life so most of my days I’ll either sit at home and write stuff or I’ll go to the studio. When I’m in California, I’m usually in meetings or just different endorsements, Pretty Little Thing, Fashion Nova, all of that good stuff.

Do you and Thug live together in Atlanta?

Right now, we have a house together but we both don’t stay there. We just have a ton of furniture in here. We both have two separate condos. So, it’s both a yes and a no.

Do you guys plan on using that house when you’re officially married?

Yeah, well our family will go there. I keep some of my junk there. It’s like a storage house. We honestly have no plans for what we’re going to do as far as marriage. We’ve actually been looking for a new home. For now, we kind of keep our separate bachelorette and bachelor pads.

That’s cool. Do you find that helps with the relationship, like ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ kind of thing?

I do actually because, before we lived together, we were so young in our relationship that we went through a ton of shit and we were just growing and learning one another, but it’s like now I can appreciate the times when I’m alone or I’m away from him because I know he’s going to end up missing me if we don’t see eye to eye or we’re fed up with another. I think it’s just better for reasons like that. So, I do enjoy it because we can keep our own distance and have our own time. And he has a lot of friends. The main thing is that his homeboys are always at his fucking house. So, I love having a break from the boys, the man cave.

So, you’re not one of the girlfriends that follows him throughout the tour, like goes on the road with him.

No. So, the beginning of our relationship, me and Thug have been together for four and a half years, so the first song the world ever heard from him, me and him were together and that was a time when we were really going hard. I literally went state to state with him. You would never see Thug without Jerrika, so I feel like it changed within the last year and a half, two years and it wasn’t for a reason in particular, I got caught up doing Karlae Swimwear and then just the simplest things like keeping up with my posts or Pretty Little Thing and they give me a good check so I dedicated my time to myself.

Exactly. You have your own business.

Right. So, it wasn’t convenient for me to be following him everywhere.

Do you try to meet up with him on tour though, when he’s in random cities?

Yes. So, this is like the first tour that he’s done that I haven’t been on. I plan on going to a few dates but with me doing the music thing and my own marketing, I’m trying to figure out how it’s going to mesh because I just want to be fully ready when I hit the stage. I don’t want to give the people too much. I want to keep the anticipation building up. So, I think I’m probably going to do one date with him. But I am going to go visit him. He comes home on his off days too, so we see each other.

There’s definitely a lot of anticipation for your music. It’s been slowly building, even when you first tweeted you were in the studio, I know myself personally, I was like ‘Oh my god. I can’t wait to see what you put out.’ And then the first song was fire.

Thank you so much.

Andit’s so crazy because your debut, was “U Ain’t Slime Enough.” It became a catchphrase very quickly, it became something people say on Instagram, like a caption. It’s so caption-worthy.

I can’t believe it, because like literally when it dropped, I was so nervous. Just because I’m such a perfectionist, I’m a Virgo, so I was so pressed and I was actually telling Adryanauna [her co-manager], they not gonna like it. She was like, ‘Bitch are you serious, this is flames.’ I just feel like I’m warmed up, I’m ready now.

What was it like hearing your voice on that hook for the first time?

When I first started recording, I have a heavier voice than the average woman who has like an airy super feminine sound, so I was like man, I sound like a dude. And everybody was like your voice is so fire like you have a different sound.

It has a little bit of a raspiness to it, which is cool. You can’t confuse your voice for anyone’s voice. Your voice is unique.

Thank you. I appreciate that. So, I was so hard on myself at first and then at the end of it, I did my verse first and at the end, I was like it needs something else because I wanted Thug and Duke to get on it. I’m like Thug never did a song with me and I wanted him to like it, I wanted to be on some gang gang shit. I was like, let me go back in the booth, I took two shots of Hennessy and I just came out and was like [starts singing], “these bitches ain’t slime enough” and everybody was like, ‘Holy shit.’ So, after that, I’m like okay I know what my formula is, Hennessy, yelling and just being free. So, when I first heard my voice, I actually liked it. But I didn’t like it, until the “Slime Enough” part.

“U Ain’t Slime Enough” obviously ties in with everything Thug is about, but you weren’t going in the booth like: ‘I’m going to make a Slime record like this is just going to be for Thug.’

No, no, I did. That’s what I did. I was trying to do anything to be hip. I was like, what can I do to make Thug like it. Because if you listen to the verse, it’s kind of girly, so I wanted to make it so where it was for everybody.

Yeah. Everyone can fuck with it. So, that was the first song that you and Thug actually collaborated on?

Yeah. That’s the very first song we ever did. Actually no, I’m lying, three years ago, Me, Dolly and Dora did a song and put Thug on it. So, it’s like on his hard drive from forever ago, but it was so funny because he actually was helping me, I was saying some stupid shit. Like I said in my PAPER interview, they had been doing music way before me, so it really was like, ‘Rikka get on the track’ and I did it and I never got in the booth ever again.

That was like the first time, so now you kind of rekindled it?

Yeah and we were just joking. It was all fun and games.

Does that song have a title?

I don’t even know.

Yeah Dory and Dolly are dope too.

Yeah. They are. They’re definitely doing their thing.

So, you met Young Thug through your mom who was managing Young Scooter at the time. Did you already have Karlae Swimwear out?

Yeah. So, I met Thug, my mom was doing work for Scooter, I met him in the studio, I had actually just started Karlae Swimwear. I met him two months after I launched. I did it with a minimal budget. I didn’t have much to work with.

Did you have a following on Instagram already?

Yeah. I did. I had a following from weave and girls loved my makeup and stuff.

What year was this around?

This was around 2014. It was April.

So, around the time in your life when you met Thug, you were just focused on launching Karlae Swimwear?

Yeah. That was my main thing that I was doing was Karlae Swimwear. I was also doing work with KRS back then. They were paying me really good. That was how I made my living and then my mom invested in Karlae Swimwear. Her and Scooter helped too. He’s like a brother to me. So, I launched it, I didn’t make that much money but it was enough to live day to day and recycle my money back into the business and as time went by, me and Thug kinda built on our relationship and he started helping me. So, toward the end of the summer, my now, bestfriend, she’s a stylist now, Cece Monaco, she came on as a designer and she linked me with a manufacturer, so I had more of a budget to work with because I had Thug’s help and all of that good stuff, but my line was established way before Thug.

Did you go to school at all for that?

Yeah. So, I went to school for a year and I lived in Miami and I went to the International Art Institute there. I went for fashion merchandising and I dropped out and I came here and got an internship with Tresa Sanders. She was working and doing PR for BET at the time. Then I just kind of quit that, because I was trying to find myself. I didn’t know if I wanted to do fashion PR. I had wanted at, one time, to be a buyer. I didn’t know what I wanted to do so I came here, and it’s crazy because I met Thug the summer when I finished school. I really couldn’t find myself. I didn’t know what I wanted to do but I come from a family of entrepreneurs, my father’s side of the family is in the mortuary business. They own a number of funeral homes. It took me a minute to find myself so when I met him, things came in to fruition with Karlae Swim.

So like I said, the music is what we’re most excited for. It all started because of Thug’s infidelity?

So basically, that is not true. In my PAPER interview, I was saying that, they actually misquoted this. When Thug started changing his tone of his music, I was explaining to her [the journalist] that it was hard for me to deal with it and it taught me so much when I started doing music because it was like, Okay bro, I got a song where I’m like: ‘I cannot pay your nigga to leave me alone. If you wanna know how I do it, just ask me. P-game cold. Promise I’m not just rapping.’ And, for example, people would say, ‘You sleeping with somebody man. You cheating on Thug.’ But I took it with a grain of salt because I had to do the same thing with his music and him talking about his infidelity in front of the world. So, at first it would make me mad but when I started doing music, I understood why it was okay because it makes the music better. So they took it as, she started doing music because he was cheating but no, his infidelities did however motivate certain songs. I have songs where I went in the booth and literally shed tears not because I’m in a sad place but because…

It’s therapeutic.

Right, and I want people to listen and feel me expressing myself.

That’s crazy, when you started your music, you and Thug were already back together?

So, yeah I started doing music when we were actually on a break. I did a remix to “Relationships.” It was a hot song for the summer and that was the song that actually did…‘oh, you’re in a relationship with all these bitches. That’s what you saying?’ And he was like, ‘Karlae it’s just music, you trippin, you trippin.’ And I was like, ‘I’m going to start doing music,’ and he was just like, ‘Okay, whatever.’ I don’t think he took me serious. And I was like, ‘Jeff, can you send me the beat,’ the instrumental for “Relationships,” which is pretty fucking big because no one has the official instrumental, and he sent it to me and I recorded over it and the song was pretty good. This is so funny, I was going to drop it on his birthday, August 15th, last year, it was just like a joke, it was just for me to express myself the way he did initially, and somebody recorded it from me being on [Instagram] Live and they put it on YouTube and it got good feedback. People were hitting me like, ‘this shit dope’, ‘it hard,’ and so I’m like, maybe I need to do another song. And that’s how my journey of music kind of started.

That’s so crazy how, at first, you didn’t like the lyrical content, but then when you started making music, you realized that sometimes people just talk shit on records because it sounds good.

Right. And I wanted to be different people too so, sometimes I’ll rap about shit that has nothing to do with my life but I enjoy rapping about being a freak because maybe I want to feel spontaneous tonight. It’s different vibes and I think that, what I was trying to say was, this experience taught me that. It made it okay. So now I don’t complain because he’s like, Karlae it’s just about giving the people an imagination basically.

So, what’s the song called “I Fuck U”, when you were mad at Thug, are you actually going to release that song?

Yeah. So, the crazy thing is, “Fuck U” is not even about Thug. That’s the crazy part. They [PAPER Magazine] misquoted. “Fuck U” song is about every guy, in my past who, might say like damn I slept with her or I used to date her, I was her third boyfriend. This is for those type of niggas. Just men from my past who were shitty. I made the song because I wanted other women to feel the same way. We never have a song where we’re expressing our truth and the thing is, most women who get scrutinized in the industry, like for example, Amber Rose, she messed with this guy, she messed with this guy, but that was her choice. She didn’t do it because somebody tricked her out of her time, so I made the song with that thought because my cousin was in the studio and she was like, you know what I’m thinking about, niggas always thinking (excuse my language) they fucking us and tricking us, but really we choose to give you them the pussy and nigga I put it on you and behind closed doors, you really be feening for me. So, when she said that I was like, Woah, that need to be a song, like a girl power anthem. So, when I said it, I did talk about certain things in my life, like for example I said in one part, ‘Grip game good, I can’t put no cap on it, ya’ll doing well, make em rap about it.’ Now that’s real life. I’m saying, I’m saying I got good cootie cat and I’m making him rap about it. They took it as, she talking about Thug and I’m like honestly, I’m talking about every nigga I’ve known that ain’t shit. You thought you fucked me, but really I fucked you.

Okay. So is Young Thug going to be put on blast at all in your music?

I would say it’s going to be a good blast. I would never do anything crazy. It’s going to be the truth. Another quote I said in my song was, ‘I had a rich nigga who couldn’t shake those bitches. He played around and now he see the difference.’ Some people might take that as shade, I take that as real life. I had a rich ass boyfriend, he had a problem with these industry bitches, he couldn’t shake them and now, you know what, he shook them off and now he sees she’s much different than the other ones. So, it’s going to be real life shade.

I saw you just previewed a song with Young Thug but before that, you previewed a song with Rich the Kid called “Rich Bitch.”

Yeah. So my mom co-manages Thug. She had the idea. I was on a plane ride to LA and Rich The Kid was on the plane and I overheard him being nosy, talking about his Richard Mille. So, I’m like I know a Richard Mille is an expensive ass watch, Thug has one, so I’m like, I know how I’m going to get him to love the song, I’m going to talk about what he loves. His rich lifestyle. That’s how I came up with the hook. And my mom walked up to him and she was like, ‘my daughter is getting into music, she’s Thug girl, you and him are cool, I think you should fuck with her. You can come in and listen to her music, see if you vibe with it but we would be honored to have you on a song’ and he was like, ‘cool.’ He did it. I was so shocked because not a lot of artists who are established in the game will tell you they’ll work with someone they’ve never even heard a song. My mom called him back and was like, ���we have a session tonight, do you think you can make it?’ He was like, ‘Yeah I’ll stop by for a second.’ So, I was like, let me just do the hook before he gets here. So I’m like, what does he like? [starts singing]  “If he ain’t got a Richard Mille, then he ain’t balling,” I started flowing with it and he came in and laid his verse and left back out. Like a thief in the night.

That’s a good tactic though, ‘I’m going to rap about his watch that he really likes.’ So, when Rich The Kid got on the song, “Slime Enough” wasn’t even out, there was no proof that you couldn’t do anything at the time.

Right. I didn’t even realize that before you said that.

He just trusted that you were dope. What song are you most excited for people to hear?

My favorite song, I can’t wait for people to hear this song I got called “Irregular.” I just love it so much because it’s all me. It’s me expressing myself and how I feel about myself and not even just me, every woman in general should feel like they’re irregular. You don’t have to be rich, you don’t have to be flashy. You could just feel like you ain’t gonna tolerate shit that the average person might. You might feel like you irregular because you do your job different from everybody else. So, I just love it because every time I listen to it, it really touches me. It’s this other record I have called “Heart in A Hole.” I really love it because I just feel like it’s different. It’s completely R&B trap type of vibe. I just can’t wait for people to hear it. It’s something different. And then, just be expressing myself on the regular. I just addressed so many things that people would say about me. Of course that’s always dope.

When are you planning to release a project?

I’m planning to release October 31st, Halloween. The push back was because my visuals wouldn’t be ready in time and I didn’t want to rush, and I realized that I would be under delivering had I dropped it tomorrow, my birthday [September 18, Jerrika’s original plan]. I have this interlude called “Going Hard,” and I just talk about haters, industry shit, fake people, fake friends, relationships and I was going to release that too for my birthday but I’m not going to release my EP until Halloween cause it’s a scary fucking day. I feel like my visuals that I’m doing around that time is based around Halloween.

Does the EP have a title?

Yeah, so I’m thinking about…I don’t have a title yet so I don’t want to say it and then be wrong.

Would you want to sign with Young Thug’s imprint or would you prefer to go somewhere else?

Thug told me himself that he wanted the best for me and he told me that, he knows with the relationship being so personal…he never wants to tear us apart, basically. The thing is, I’m so YSL. My imprint is YSL, I’m coming in the game, whether I sign with whoever, as YSL. Thug is executive producing my EP, so he still has his feet all the way in, but I’m not signed to YSL.

What do you see in your future with Thug and with the music. I wanted to know if you wanted to have a family with Thug, do you guys plan on having kids?

I definitely do want to have a family but right now, I’m really focusing on my music and me and him building a stronger bond and learning right now. I want to just observe. We’ve cut out so much of our arguments and just ups and downs, because we’re like, look, if it’s not about our careers about us and it’s not about us being a power team together, whether we have a relationship or not, me and Jeff are always going to be a team. I owe so much to him, my first break was on Slime Language. He didn’t have to do that. So, I’m always going to feel like it’s me and him no matter what, whether we work out as a relationship, marriage, baby daddy, baby mama or not. But I do want to have children but for now, I think in the next year and a half or so, I just want to drop two of my projects.

So if there’s one thing you can be known for. If it’s one thing, whether it’s the music or swimwear, if you had to choose one.

I want to be known for, when they look back, the girl who set an example. People will take you for a joke, like, ‘oh you’re a man-made machine and you have the best writers around you,’ I’m not that. I want people to know that you can really wake up and have a passion and exceed at doing it. I been hearing, ‘You wanted to wake up and be a rapper,’ she just woke up and wanted to be a rapper, all these girls wanna rap. So what? You can wake up and develop a talent as long as you’re willing to work at it. So that’s what I want to be remembered as. Karlae really woke up and wanted to do music and she did it exceptionally well. I want to be known too, as a positive force for young women because I feel like a lot of us battle with, mentally, we’re in this cage and the world doesn’t know it because we’re put up against society and Instagram, and the looks of things, and my music, it talks about that. I want that to be my message too. I’m a real bitch, I’m not an opportunist, I want realness to come from me and literally just this girl who didn’t do it off of luck. I did it off of practice and investing into my craft.

That’s dope. Thank you so much. Thank you for your time. I’m looking forward to all the music.

I appreciate you guys. When I do some more stuff and I have some releases, I would love to invite the brand out to get it covered.

[enzaime-blog]

Novel Stem Cell Treatment Means New Lease on Life

New Story has been published on https://enzaime.com/novel-stem-cell-treatment-means-new-lease-life/

Novel Stem Cell Treatment Means New Lease on Life

As part of a pioneering clinical trial, Jared Ausnehmer had millions of stem cells injected into his heart to help treat a debilitating heart condition. That treatment has opened the door to renewed health for Jared.

Halloween is an especially meaningful day for Jared Ausnehmer and his family. On Oct. 31, 2011, Jared’s family saw a news story about a man who had had stem cells injected into his heart to reverse damage from a heart attack. Jared’s mom, Patty Ausnehmer, wondered if this type of treatment could help her son, who was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome — a birth defect in which the left side of the heart is underdeveloped or nonexistent.

The news story kicked off a search for answers that led Jared and Patty to Mayo Clinic’s Rochester campus, where he participated in an innovative clinical trial. The trial paved the way for Jared to have successful heart surgery. As a result, Jared is no longer weighed down by his heart condition, and he’s returned to the athletic activities he enjoys.

“Mayo Clinic is an amazing place. They care, and they know what they’re doing,” Jared says. “I’m most grateful that I’m not sick anymore and everything went well. You can’t take that for granted.”

Search for something better

A rare congenital heart disease, hypoplastic left heart syndrome affects only about 1,000 newborns in the U.S. each year. Jared received a variety of treatments, including multiple surgeries during his first year of life and medications to improve his heart function. Still, by the time Jared reached his early 20s, his heart was enlarged and its neoaortic valve was leaking badly.

“I just didn’t feel well. I was tired all the time and was retaining a lot of fluid,” says Jared, who went from playing basketball and softball, and running track in the Special Olympics, to lying on the couch all day.

Eager for a new treatment option, Patty called the hospital that was mentioned on the news. Unfortunately, they weren’t doing stem cell therapy for Jared’s condition. But she didn’t stop there. The story spurred Patty to learn more about the possibility of stem cell therapy for hypoplastic left heart syndrome.

In the course of her research, Patty found Mayo Clinic’s Center for Regenerative Medicine and had a phone consult with Tim Nelson, M.D., Ph.D., a Mayo Clinic physician and researcher whose work focuses on congenital heart disease. Dr. Nelson told Patty that Mayo Clinic was starting stem cell therapy for infants with hypoplastic left heart syndrome but not for young adults like Jared.

“I explained our mission and desire to design such a trial in the future,” Dr. Nelson says.

Although treatment with stem cells wasn’t an option at that time, Jared and his family learned that through Mayo Clinic’s Todd and Karen Wanek Family Program for Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, he could participate in another study and receive care from Mayo Clinic doctors with years of experience in treating the condition until a stem cell clinical trial became available.

Marked improvement

When Jared and Patty came to Mayo Clinic in April 2012, Jared’s condition had deteriorated to the point that he had to carry an oxygen tank with him to breathe, and his abdomen was swollen with retained fluid.

“He had cardiac cirrhosis, and his kidneys were starting to fail,” Patty says. “If he didn’t improve, he would need a heart, kidney and liver transplant.”

The doctors found Jared was too ill to undergo valve replacement surgery. Instead, they suggested a more intense medication program to help him better tolerate the effects of the leaky valve and possibly regain some of his heart function.

Over the next few weeks, pediatric cardiologist Patrick O’Leary, M.D., increased the dosage of one of Jared’s heart medicines, restarted another and added a new medication.

“You have this feeling of ‘My gosh, I’m finally in the right place.’ I saw people that care and were moving mountains for my child.” — Patty Ausnehmer

“The goal was to help Jared’s heart muscle cope with the extra work load it was facing — pumping blood to his body rather than to the lungs and also pumping much more blood per minute due to the leaky valve,” Dr. O’Leary says. “Jared improved almost immediately and surprisingly continued to improve with each medication adjustment.”

“You have this feeling of ‘My gosh, I’m finally in the right place.’ I saw people that care and were moving mountains for my child,” Patty says.

With the improvement, Jared was able to return home, where he received care from a local cardiologist in Youngstown, Ohio, who was in frequent communication with the Mayo Clinic doctors.

In October of the following year, Jared returned for follow-up tests at Mayo Clinic. The results showed that his ejection fraction, a measurement of the percentage of blood leaving the heart each time it contracts, had increased from 15 to 30 percent.

“The really remarkable thing was how much he changed in terms of his heart’s day-to-day function. Normally under these conditions, the right ventricle’s muscle would wear out,” Dr. O’Leary says. “The turnaround he achieved with medications — from crippling heart failure to being an active healthy appearing young adult — is something I have only encountered in his case.”

Hope on the horizon

Dr. Nelson told the Ausnehmers that he was trying to secure permission from the Food and Drug Administration to use bone-marrow-derived stem cells for young adults with hypoplastic left heart syndrome.

“We were in the process of creating something that had not been created before,” Dr. Nelson says. “The idea behind this study was to use the stem cells as ‘fertilizer’ for the heart muscle to stimulate the heart to grow bigger and stronger, and undergo a regenerative process that would improve heart function.”

Unfortunately, in the spring of 2014, Jared was admitted to the intensive care unit at a local hospital.

“He was dehydrated, and his kidneys were not working,” Patty says. “They gave him liquids and took him off the heart medications and one of his diuretics. He started feeling better.”

After being discharged, Jared started being monitored by a local nephrologist. His kidney function improved as the family waited for the stem cell therapy trial to begin.

“Heart transplantation is usually the only option in these circumstances, but for Jared even that was not a good choice,” Dr. O’Leary says. “His body was already sensitized to many human proteins from his past treatments, making rejection of a transplanted organ very likely.”

“Jared’s heart was working twice as hard, and there was no way for him to continue to have the kind of life we wanted him to have without the stem cell treatment,” Patty says. “We knew his heart was going to fail, but we didn’t know when. Still we were optimistic.”

On Halloween weekend in 2015, the family got the call they been waiting for since 2012. Dr. O’Leary said they were ready to begin the stem cell clinical trial and wanted Jared to be the first of 10 participants.

New strength

On Dec. 16, 2015, in the first clinical trial of its kind, Jared had 94 million stem cells from his own bone marrow injected into his right ventricle through a heart catheterization. The results were significant. Within a month, Jared’s ejection fraction increased to 40 percent.

“Jared had a very remarkable response to this stem cell therapy,” says Yasir Qureshi, M.B.B.S., lead investigator for the clinical trial. “While we predicted increased heart function, Jared has surpassed all expectations.”

“He had this second wind he hadn’t had in a long time,” Patty says. “He seemed like he was so much better in every way.”

By August 2016, Jared’s heart was strong enough to undergo open heart surgery to replace his leaky valve. Cardiothoracic surgeon Joseph Dearani, M.D., did the valve replacement on Aug. 24 and placed a pacemaker in Jared’s abdomen.

“Jared had a very remarkable response to this stem cell therapy. While we predicted increased heart function, Jared has surpassed all expectations.” — Yasir Qureshi, M.B.B.S.

“It’s common for patients that have a Fontan circulation like Jared to have a slow heart rate,” Dr. Dearani says. “We put a pacemaker in to ensure the heart has the ability to slow down and speed up depending on his activity level.”

“With the new mechanical valve, his endurance was way up. It was like a new lease on life,” Patty says.

After eight days in the hospital, Jared headed home to get back to normal life. Two months after his surgery, he was cleared to play basketball.

“I’m relieved that it’s all done. That’s the best part,” Jared says. “My goal was to get to basketball and compete at state.”

Winning ways

Jared has follow-up appointments every six months, but he hasn’t experienced any significant problems, and he’s back to athletic competition. Six months after the valve replacement, Jared won first place in the running long jump and got third place in the 100-yard dash at the Special Olympics.

“Short of contact sports, he can do anything he wants to do and move toward achieving his goals and aspirations,” Dr. Dearani says. “It’s a great feeling to know I was able to make a difference in what his quality of life could be.”

“Jared is doing fantastic. He’s our inspiration to keep moving forward with what we’re doing.” — Tim Nelson, M.D., Ph.D.

“For him to do what he wants to do is amazing,” Patty says. “He can now get married and have kids and make a life for himself without this hanging over him anymore.”

The clinical trial is slated to be completed by the end of 2017. Dr. Nelson and his entire team are grateful for the trust everyone who is part of the study has placed in them.

“The pioneering spirit of these patients and their families to be the first ones to do this is inspirational, and we take that very seriously. It’s like a sacred bond,” Dr. Nelson says. “Jared is doing fantastic. He’s our inspiration to keep moving forward with what we’re doing.”

[heironymous-smash]

…So apparently I needed a new writing-project?

Trick question:  It is categorically always true that I need a new writing project.  However, in this case, I *did* need a new publishing project.  I have all this cool fiction going on, and plans to have a novel draft ready for publication by Feb 2019, and I haven't published anything, really, since the Second Edition of Ubersleep!  There are a lot of skills there I could stand to work on, in advance of trying them out on my novel.  To practice the writing as much as I do, and then practice nothing about the publishing work that I know will be on me to do as well, seems silly. 

Once again, I solve the problems of being busy by doing more things…hey, when it stops working, I'll stop doing it!  ;)

I need something that can be completed by year-end — the holidays are a great launch-time and I should have a slow few weeks at work to do the push/brunt of it, I hope.  So I asked myself, and some of you, what's the most useful thing I could answer in a reasonably-sized e-book?

The thing that immediately jumped out was how to pick a sleep schedule.  Like, the fact that there are options, and not just weird uberman ones but even just biphasic or other arrangements, actually doesn't occur to a lot of people; and when it does, their next question is almost always "how do I pick one? and then what?"  I hear that question more than any other, from every source.  

And I've only answered it spottily, so far, in individual conversations and a few pieces on whether polyphasism is compatible for X people.  Ubersleep is mostly about the personal-experimentation and adaptation process — because that's definitely what I got familiar with first, mostly on my own.  But since I began talking to people about it, and trying to help them have something like the success I've had (in being a zillion times more rested and happy since I found an "alternative" sleep schedule (or two or three…) that works for me), I've gotten a ton more experienced with just that:  Finding one that works, or at least works better than ones than don't work at all.  It's a crucial step in the process, and for some it gets done unconcsciously or mostly automatically; but for many more people, knowing what to ask and how to interpret the results would be game-changers, I think.

Probably all of you reading this know this already, because I've talked to so many of you about it!  You've watched and helped while I flailed around and tried schedules, and I've listened and maybe occasionally helped while you've done the same.

I think it's time for a write-up on finding your well-rested schedule.  (That's my tentative subtitle for it.  Title is a secret for now!)  It's going to be an amazing ride, trying to keep everything I want to say about HOW this is possible, WHY it's important and WHAT we can do about sleep, in under a novel-length!  …But I'm game.  If it gets too sticky, I'll resort to poetry.  

(In all seriousness though, I'm using this as an opportunity to flex my editing-chops too — to keep it clear, useful and to the point.  Should be fun!  :D)

If you want to hear all the details — and have access to all the free offers and bribes that come with a publication/launch! — then make sure you're signed up for the mailing list!  (There's a sign-up box in the upper right corner.)  I'll put some of the offers on this site too of course, but the mailing list people, as is Earth custom, will get some exclusives.

More soon!  Wish me luck — I'm enjoying my new life of crazy word-count goals, at least so far.  And I'm excited to have something not-the-novel to write too, that I can talk about more…the novel doesn't really brook discussion about it until it's done, unlike this fun little project, which I'm actually *expected* to talk about as part of getting it done.

Best to everyone and Happy Near Halloween!