#I’m justifying it as a collage because it just looks like it fits

[shonen-flop]

Shoutout to these paintings I’ll probably never finish yay

[longsightmyth]

It was huge. The paneling was dark, some wood I wasn’t familiar with lining the whole space. On the far wall, a wide fireplace stood, waiting to be used. The whole thing must have been for show since it never seemed to get cold enough here to justify a fire.

His bathroom door was cracked open, and I could see a porcelain tub on the elaborately tiled floor. He had his own collection of books and a table near the fireplace that looked like it was intended for dining rather than work. I wondered how many lonely meals he’d had here. Near the doors that opened to his private balcony, a glass case full of guns sat, perfectly lined up. I’d forgotten his love of hunting.

His bed, also made from a dark wood, was massive. I wanted to go and touch it, to see if it felt as good as it looked.

“Maxon, you could fit a football team in there,” I teased.

“Tried it once. Not as comfortable as you’d think.”

...fellas?

It was then, looking past his smiling face, that I saw the pictures. I inhaled sharply, taking in the beautiful display behind him.

On the wall by Maxon’s door was a vast collage, wide enough to be wallpaper for my room back home. There didn’t appear to be any sort of order to it, just image upon image piled up for him to enjoy.

I could see photos that surely had to have been taken by him, because they were of the palace, which was where he was almost all the time. Close-ups of tapestries, shots of the ceiling he must have lain flat on the carpet to get, and so many pictures of the gardens. There were others, maybe of places he hoped to see or had at least visited. I saw an ocean so blue it didn’t seem possible. There were a few bridges, and one of a wall-like structure that looked like it went on for miles.

But above all this, I saw my face a dozen times over. There was the picture of me that was taken for my Selection application, and the one of Maxon and me taken for the magazine when I wore that sash. We seemed happy there, as if it was all a game. I’d never seen that photo, or the one from the article on Halloween. I remembered Maxon standing behind me while we looked at designs for my costume. While I’m staring at the sketch, Maxon’s eyes are slightly turned toward me.

Then there were the photos he took. One of me shocked when the king and queen of Swendway visited and he’d quickly yelled out “Smile.” One of me sitting on the set for the Report, laughing at Marlee. He must have been hiding behind the blinding lights, stealing little images of us when we were all just being ourselves. And there was another one of me in the night, standing on my balcony and looking at the moon.

The other girls were in them, too, the remaining ones more than the others; but every once in a while I’d see Anna’s eyes peek out from under a landscape or Marlee’s smile hiding in a corner. And though they were just taken, pictures of Kriss and Celeste posing in the Women’s Room were up there, too, next to Elise pretending to faint on a couch and me with my arms wrapped around his mother.

Maxon has gone up SEVERAL creeper levels and that he has a giant bedroom, giant bathroom, and a creeper collage are supposed to make him more attractive to us-the-reader is ASTONISHING. He has pictures of Marlee, a girl he had beaten bloody with intent to maim in front of a live audience and broadcasted live for kissing another boy.

Sometimes defenestration really is the only option.

[teruthecreator]

smile for me characters put with the tma entities i think fit their character the most (even tho i’ve never listened to a second of tma and got all of my current knowledge from my girlfriend, who also got me into sfm)

I’m mostly gonna be focusing on the adults and important charas because the idea of labeling any child as The Slaughter or The End feels vastly Yikes to me

also spoiler warning for tma (if i manage to include any) and just a general trigger warning for talk about all sorts of fears (fear of the dark, spiders, body horror, etc.) if tma-talk has ever made you feel uncomfortable (as it has me, and is completely valid) then just breeze on past this post, folks. 

dr. habit: The Spiral FOR SURE!!!!! i know with all the teeth-pulling and body horror-type stuff he’d be more fitting for the flesh but just Think About It. the way he acts?? the way he depicts himself in the art all across the Habitat?? how he is specifically pumping gas into the air that like alters your mind and blurs your vision?? the psa’s?? i know he never talks about doors, but it just feels very michael spiral to me!!! or is it called the distortion??? idk but he’s spiralin! (also i’d say his proportions already feel spiral-esque so you might as well lean into the madness babey!!) 

kamal: THE LONELYYYYYY. this guy SAD. he literally sits in a locked rooftop balcony space for like 75% of the game. and the first sprite you see of him is just him curled up on the bench. that’s lonely vibes right there, no doubt! also, i’ve seen people draw like, concepts for his collage head (since you can’t get him in the collage ending) and they’ve drawn it as a cloud. clouds??? all that fog, vape-juice in the lonely??? it fits!! 

flower kid: honestly, because their character is left so purposely-blank, it’s kinda hard to say. but for most like, ambiguous main charas i’d say their vibe leans closest to The Eye. not because flower kid in any way seems to have a desire to know all, but as the vessel for the player there is a sort of push to know everything. also, flower kid just ends up getting everyone’s traumatic backstories/personal problems anyway?? which if they were aligned with the eye, that’s like...what it’s all about! 

wallus: The Stranger. i can’t really justify this one other than he just stays in the wall the entire time without ever bothering to know who’s speaking to him through the hole, and idk that feels...stranger to me. i just realized how hard this list is going to be. 

parsley: The Flesh. idk i just think about, like, the meat aspect of it??? and the fact that parsley never gets a real meal and will eat just about anything??? that’s all i can say

trencil: The Vast is, like, the closest i feel like i can get to “the fear that your daughter doesn’t love you and will never love you because you’re a centuries-old vampire and she’s a 13-year-old girl”. like the sort of insignificance to that is vast-like 

jimothan: The Hunt. i think about jimothan becoming a big dog and i think “yes, this feels right”. this is my only explanation. 

tiff: The Web. i’m saying this because her quest seems entirely based around getting herself out of manipulation (not that a contract is manipulating, it’s just the closest connection i can make with my brain running at low-battery), and also because i think the spider aesthetic would like Hella Nice with her style and sprite. i would like one cool singing spider lady, please! 

borbra: The Buried. maybe this isn’t a grouping of her, more-so of her bird that literally burrows into the ground the second you get near it and was the bane of my existence for over twenty-five minutes when i played through the game myself. that irritating need to claw my skin off when i was trying to catch that bird is the exact feeling i’d have if i was trapped in a small space, and i’m saying borbra did that to me. 

lulia: The Lonely, of course! without a doubt! look at how sad her sprite is! and how often she bemoans being alone! need i say more! this is correct! yes! it is! 

jerafina: The Vast??? maybe??? she seems like she’s too busy being out for a good time to be worried about her place on the planet, but idk i feel like she’s hiding something under that carefree facade and my gut is saying It’s This

questionette: The Spiral. i do not understand her and i don’t think she wants me to. you get it, spiral lady. 

marv: The Dark. water can get deep and dark, and he seems to not mind that one bit! also you need to get the security cam to be dark in order to get his fish, which feels pretty much like an admittance to this entity! 

mirphy: The Eye, only because i feel like as a photographer she’s gonna see All anyway, so might as well give the entity some extra knowing-snacks, yknow??? 

dallas: The Vast. his mid-game struggle with trying to find a muse and find someone who would enjoy his work sounds like an attempt to try and ground himself in reality, and that dissociation goes right to The Vast, my guy!!! yell heah!!

randy: The Corruption only because i feel like the pickle-scent gives me the same visceral reaction that i would if a bug was crawling on my skin, and he definitely doesn’t mind that at all if he doesn’t mind be permanently soaked in pickle juice. you do you, my man, but that’s why you’re gettin corrupted

gillis: i wanna sort of play off his toughness and say the slaughter, but it doesn’t feel right for the wholeness of his character, so i’m gonna go with The Dark. this one i can’t articulate why, but it just feels better than the slaughter so i’m going to go with it. 

this was very hard given i have only about a month and a half’s worth of knowledge of either of these franchises, and i’ve been staring at the tma entity wiki for the past 45 minutes. so please smash like, hit subscribe, comment with your favs, and i’ll see y’all next week 

[just-themys]

I'd love to hear what you think about Mia and Diego's relationship 😊

Thank you my anonymous enabler

*cracks fingers* 

I should probably preface this by saying I’m not even an active miego shipper. But I hate seeing people mischaracterizing characters to fit their narrative, especially when ignoring canon elements. I also should add that I’m sorry if the pics are blurry/small, I had to find a work around because I struggled to upload them.

The big thing I’ve seen around is the idea that Mia’s and Diego’s relationship was somehow abusive, that Mia didn’t actually like Diego, and/or that Diego/Godot only liked the idea of her. The thing is that we have no canon basis for this. I’ll try to keep it short (mostly because I need to replay the game for more things, and that the Diego/Godot part would be too long). Basically I’m going to focus on Mia.

We have no canon basis to pretend she didn’t like him. I mean, she did decided to face her trauma from her first trial to get a chance to avenge what happened to Diego and frame the person who poisoned him. Even Grossberg says it, “Oh, now I understand why you asked to take this case.”

Remember how she punches Grossberg each time Feenie mentions how much he loves Dahlia ? We fandom often jokes about it, saying she just finds him embarrassing and sickenly sweet, but she didn’t react that way when Larry would do the same in 1-1. No, the reason she does it is probably out of rage and grief. I mean, Diego’s poisoning was only 8 months old. She was robbed of what Feenie (thought he) had with Dahlia, and couldn’t bear seeing him brag about how much in love he is and how happy he is with her (and on top of that, with the very person who took Diego away from her).

Mia was mad, and hurt by what happened to Diego, and being able to get Dahlia convicted was a huge step into helping her moving on. 

This is a first step to explain why she “barely acknowledged him in T&T” (the main argument of the anti-miego), because she already moved on. The other explanation might just be that of storage room. T&T is one of the longest game (originally planned for GBA), and they had already used a lot of tricks to take less space, taking this occasion to enter a new judge, and a very intricate plot running through the whole game. They most likely didn’t have time to give to their past relationship, based on all the hints we have. Just see how the anime is adding little bits about their relationship, and how many official art feature them happily together

Speaking of which, let’s review Mia’s attitude toward Diego/Godot in official art:

Mia’s attitude is relaxed, she’s often smiling, looking at him, standing/sitting close to him and being in interaction with him (drinking coffee, talking, etc.) Does she really give off vibes of being unhappy with him or wanting to fly the interaction ? not really. 

And even less on that one art 

Where she looks playful, takes his arm and is here without having even been channeled.

These last pics bring me to talk about Diego’s attitude toward Mia (outside the cute coffee sharing). A big argument I see against Diego is that he supposedly belittles her and doesn’t think she can do things on her own/is overprotective to a unhealthy/sexist extend. I say this is bullshit, and all my following argument is going to be summarized in this collage (original post courtesy of @draincyanide , hope you don’t mind me tagging you here)

Wow, really belittling (especially from a senior attorney to a rookie on her first trial). I know this impression also comes from the “kitten” nickname, but really, Diego/Godot calls “kitten” anyone he finds is a position of being more weak/young/in need of protection, whatever the gender (see, Ron DeLite, and Miles in the Official Casebook Volume 2 when Miles ends up trapped in a kid’s body). Does it mean he thinks she can’t do it ? no. It’s just how she is, at the beginning of her first trial. She’s in need of a little kick to assert herself, and it’s exactly what he does by often teasing/roasting her. He does such things as to make an objection and let her explain it, or underline her situation to push her to find a way to turn things around. He’s not trying to roast her for the likes of it, or to maintain her under his “protection”. On the contrary, he’s assisting her in her first trial, and pushing her to assert herself, be confident and eventually fly on her own. He’s acting as a mentor. And he doesn’t bat an eye either when she calls him out on his coffee addiction and talk back (I get the feeling their relation would have a lot of mutual roasting). He’s actually pushing her out of her comfort zone so she can be more independent and fend for herself.

Also, her famous sentence of “It’s in the harder times that a lawyer must put on their bigger smile” is directly inspired by Diego’s “The only time a lawyer can cry is when it’s all over”. Diego positively influenced her and her career.

To finish, I’d like to put some words on what is, to me, the chore of the issue: before T&T, many people headcannoned Mia as a lesbian and shipped her with Lana. No issue with it. But for  some reasons, people couldn’t get behind the idea that she could be *gasp* bi, and that she could have been in a happy relationship with Diego. But I will tell you: you can ship this while acknowledging that Mia could be bi in canon, without making her past relationship abusive.

Just because a relationship ended doesn’t mean it was abusive. There’s plenty other reasons for a relationship to end, and in this case, a coma with very little chance of waking up from it is a pretty good reason. You even have the basis for a hurt/comfort scenario with Lana supporting Mia through this hardship, without changing one bit from the canon. Why try to frame Diego as an abuser to justify your ship ? you don’t need to.

Trying to vilify this relationship in that type narrative is not as progressive as it might sound. It actually participates into a scheme of shaming bi women’s m/w relationships. But I’ll tell you a secret: if you don’t support bi women no matter the gender of their partner, you’re not supporting bi women at all. Supporting them only when they’re with girls means you only accept half of their identity, and it shows in your vain attempt to vilify Mia’s past m/w relationship when you have no need for it to ship her with a girl.

Secondly, it also participates into the narrative of the “chosen” sexuality. As much appealing as it sounds, making women “turn lesbians” because of disappointing or hurtful past relationships with men perpetuates the idea that sexual orientation is a choice, and that if gay people are being bullied, in a way, they chose it (and that gives ground to the straight people’s idea that this can be “fixed back” by meeting the proper person who will turn them back straight).

You know what could be truly progressive, if you really can’t fathom the idea of Mia being bi ? Mia realizing she’s actually not attracted to men and breaking up with Diego after this. And I’ll tell you one more secret: you don’t even have to make Diego be an asshole in this situation. Try it, it’ll save you a lot of energy.

tl;dr There is actually more grounds to defend the idea that Mia and Diego were a happy couple than to assert that they were abusive/didn’t really like each other. I believe that shipping bias and character preferences play a big role in this negative, but you can totally ship your wIw ship while following canon (and even in canon-divergent AUs) without having to make this relationship abusive. Also, support bi girls.

[soft-sarcasm]

hong jisoo: understood.

Pairing: hong jisoo x reader.

Summary: there’s something unexplainably wonderful about finally being understood.

Genre: fluff, basically just another self-serving ramble about anxiety affecting a relationship.

Word count: 1.7+k.

a/n: I swear this isn’t the only thing I know how to write but these are just what keeps coming out every time I start to write. I think I’m just slightly obsessed with the idea of someone anxiety being in a relationship with someone who actually understands it, though this is definitely an oversimplification. This is just another fluff piece with no real weight but it just happened so enjoy if you want.

 There was nothing but love and warmth waiting for you. Nothing but acceptance and adoration, and yet, you couldn’t move from your place hunched over your front table, phone blinking up at you with each new message, there being no point in even reading them as you were already aware of their contents.

What you are you doing right now?

Where are you?

Are you okay?

Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you, okay? 

 It was a question that had been asked of you far too often for your liking. By people who cared, but also by those who didn’t. By your parents who were concerned for a daughter going through a disease they couldn’t see and couldn’t help but not understand, by friends who understood slightly better but still couldn’t fully comprehend the weight that compressed your brain, by doctors who peered at you from warped leather chair and while you knew they were meant to understand, their psychoanalysis rarely ever actually appealed to you. And now there was your boyfriend, your first romantic partner in the entirety of your life due to your small problem of your complete apprehension of relationships and growing attached to people.

It wasn’t that you couldn’t muster loving emotions, or that you never had, it’s just that you had never felt this strongly for anyone and that was probably why you were huddled away from your boyfriend of six months. This was not your first episode during your relationship, it was just he was rarely in the country when one did happen. You could usually push past your own defaults when your limited time together ever came around, enjoying the brief touches of contact you were allowed with his hectic schedule and your burdening school load.

This was not the case for today it seemed, because while you were meant to already be headed over to your meet up spot of Joshua’s favourite coffee shop that was populated by too many elderly people for anyone to recognise him, you were still trapped in your shoe box of an apartment, head stuffed full of damming thoughts and body incapable of any movement. You hated that today had to be the day of an episode, especially as it was so rare that you and Joshua ever saw each other, the times you actually had a date outside being even rarer. And he had been so excited, so excited that he finally got a day off and that he could finally take you out. Fuck, your anxiety was the worse.

You finally reached for the phone that was still accepting messages, but now less frequently, swiping the screen and pulling up his most recent one.

Shua: are you on your way yet?

That made your chest cave, the clear optimism making your heart clench. He truly was too good for you, too loving and gentle for all your many dysfunctions. You could picture him now; head tucked under one of his many caps, face concealed behind a thin shroud of a mask, probably bundled in some collage of stylish layers and altogether just looking stunning. He was probably waiting for you, no, he was most definitely waiting for you from his messages. What were you meant to tell him?

Hey sorry, anxiety decided to come fuck with me today and I currently leave the house because my brain is making me feel like I’ll actually die if I do and it doesn’t help that I love you so fucking much that it makes my heart want to explode.

So yeah, rain check?  

Why don’t you just put a fucking stamp on your forehead that says ‘hey, don’t date me, I over think everything and sometimes can’t leave the house for no good reason, run while you still can!’ Then you wouldn’t have ended up somehow tricking this beautiful creature into think that you were a functioning enough human being to date. Self-destructing things did usually come with some sort of warning, it was only right that you let the world know so they can stay clear.

You let out a snort, the picture of you walking around with a sign that large on your forehead bringing a flicker of humour into your current grey mood. The humour was sapped from you as another message from Joshua arrived.

Shua: Is everything okay over there?

Shua: ?????

You had to answer him now, before he got too worked up with worry and did something stupid like come over to your place, which you could not have because while you were actually dressed for your date, you were certain your face was an unattractive shade of greenish pale and you couldn’t imagine how frazzled your expression was. So you brought your fingers down on the keypad, pressing down the appropriate characters to spell out the ever stereotypical, but highly effective, ‘Yeah, I’m alright.’ Once you sent that you would have more time to come up some sort of excuse. But it couldn’t be anything that he would feel the need to come over and take care of you for. Something like an unexpected assignment from one of your professors or something trivial but still with enough weight that it was a justifiable excuse.

Just as you were about to hit send, the noise of a small scuffle came through your permanently locked door, followed by the scrape of metal fitting into a lock and the accompanying twist of a key so that your door was opening. It seemed that you definitely had grown overly familiar with Joshua as he looked almost exactly how you pictured him to, effortlessly beautiful in his many layers, hat and face mask that he pulled under his chin at the sight of you thanks to your mini dining table being perfectly in line with your entryway due to the layout of your apartment. Which basically meant that there was no pretending you weren’t home as he stared directly at you, expression unreadable.

You stood up instantly, stomach twisting as he stepped through the door and began to step out of his shoes, your mind reeling as you began to scramble, “I have a completely valid reason as to why I didn’t meet up with you, there was a paper- no a friend! A friend needed my help- no it was the paper thing, an assignment! Yes, an assignment that’s why I couldn’t meet you.” You knew you weren’t making any sense but you weren’t completely coherent as you watched him take off his jacket and make his way towards you, your already hazed mind trying to make some sort of justification. But by the time he was actually in front of you, you knew it was just better to cave and apologise rather than make excuses. “Look, Joshua, I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean to stand you, I just-couldn’t. I know that doesn’t make any sense and you don’t deserve this, and I can’t even explain it to you to make you understand,” It was making you nervous, with him just staring at you and not saying anything which leads you to just ramble more. “And you don’t need to understand to know that I’m sorry, for taking up your free time when you never get any and making you worried. My brain just- ugh- my brain hates me and sometimes-”

You were cut off by him suddenly grabbing your hands that had been flailing uncontrollably in hopes of being able to better convey your words, the coolness of his flesh contrasting against your own clammy skin. The act made you actually look at him for the first time, brown eyes filled with warmth that shocked the cold right out of your bones.

“You can stop apologising now,” He spoke so gently, his ever soothing tone rippling over you like the laps of a heated bath, instantly calming you. When you remained silent, the grip on your hands tightened and a small smile pulled at his lips, “Good. Now I’m going to tell you that you have no reason to apologise because I get it, or at least I get as much as I can, sometimes we all just can’t do it. And I also want you to know that you never need to feel like you need to force yourself for me, because you don’t, ever.”

You couldn’t stop the swelling of your heart at the sincerity of his words, feeling less deserving than ever of this fathomlessly perfect man in front of you but when you opened your mouth to voice this, you were shushed.

“No, I can only imagine what it’s like to have the kind of anxiety you do and I can’t speak from any kind of experience so I’m not gonna pretend that I can. All I’m going to say is that I’m forever here for you, even when you can’t leave the house for what you feel like is no reason at all because any reason to you is a valid one. So don’t ever doubt yourself. And to be honest, you know that I much prefer staying indoors anyway so screw the outside world, we can just stay here forever!”

You were close to crying now, feeling this strange mixture of heart straining love and unexplainable relief that this person, this person that you cared so much about somehow just understood you. This inexplicable feeling leads you to impulsively throw yourself into his arms, all but knocking him to the floor.

And then before you could even catch the words, they were spilling from your lips, “I fucking love you so fucking much.”

Six months and an anxiety attack, that’s what it had taken for you truly realise your feelings for Joshua and while you knew you should probably feel like you were dying from an overload of emotions that usually caused you more stress, you were impossibly relieved as you clung to him, repeating the words over and over again. You could feel the rumble of his laughter due to your closeness, the lack of space between you two intensified as he pulled up against him, his smile present against your neck as he pressed a kiss to the exposed skin.

“I fucking love you so fucking much as well, so don’t even worry about it.”

[unproduciblesmackdown]

hey man your comic stuff?? fucking amazing do you have any tips for a novice child artist such as myself

hmm!!! thats a good question if i have any advice at all…i dont really draw things in comic form that often because of how slow i am…its a whole project for me lol

also natch im just an amateur at all of this vs people who like…pay attention to how to do things really well and/or draw comics on a regular schedule &/or get paid for it and all. so seeing this i was immediately trying to think of like, advice ive seen from random professionals on twitter & stuff & i’ve tried to moreso shake it down to the stuff I’M actually doing when i draw a comic. which is a bit tricky because of my small sample size & the fact that i dont have any kind of consistent process or technique unifying all the comic-type stuff i draw

like sometimes its just a few floating sequential drawings and other times is definitely more like, really thinking of it in terms of how i’m going to structure it in Comic Form & use the format to adjust my presentation of whatever idea i have

like i know ppl whose Job (officially or just by their own standards) to do a bunch of comics pages will do a script of scenes to decide what goes on what page and sort dialogue / action into panels & describe how things will look etc…and then do like maybe really rough layout pre-sketches, then the first rough sketch for a page, an optional more cleaned up sketch layer on top of that, and then the final lineart

i sorrrt of do a version of that, in that i am generally sitting on a Comic Idea for a while before i even start getting into the business of thinking through how it’ll actually work. i have to make sure that im “committed” enough to the idea to wanna make more than one drawing for it, and that i think i have at least a vague notion of how i could put it into a comic. sometimes i DO end up just putting the notion into a single drawing or condensing it into like, 2-3 lil floating drawings or w/e. coz a lot of the times the idea starts out really vague, often with one “moment” that serves as the whole inspiration & that i then try to build a scene/sequence around….a lot of the details beyond that can be really vague in my mind, like the setting or dialogue or who’s involved or what happens or the pacing or extra events or etc…basically Everything is real amorphous for a while

so yea step 1 is me having this one idea and trying to decide if building a scene around it would be a better way to present it vs just having one drawing, & if i think i can actually effectively carry it out….which is in reality even less fancy than it sounds…i just sit on an idea for a while & never get around to actually focusing on it / putting down any of the thoughts abt it that im formulating. but the upshot of me putting it off for forever is that i do end up with a kind of mental script / layout for a comic before i start it…..but even the extensiveness / format of these unwritten scripts varies a lot for me

like, a few times when i have made something that’s maybe longer than just one page &/or something ive been mulling over for an extra long amt of time (which tends to be stuff that is starting out w/ heavier than usual ideas) i’ll like, actually write down what happens page by page, even plan out specific panels, maybe even put down a few rough sketches of certain parts. i’ll have the Main Moment which is the idea that started the whole thing in the first place, but what tends to happen is i’ll come up w other moments that i think could lead up to / frame / follow the main moment, and i pretty much just decide how they all fit into one cohesive piece. so what my “rough drafts” look like for these more extensively planned ones—still really not that exhaustive, i only put things to paper when im basically done enough w my ideas to be just about ready to start actually making them—can vary in their actual formats (e.g. simple chronological bullet points of events, a few drawings, a rough sketch of how the whole thing might look), the core of it is basically just me finding a way to nail down how i’m going to arrange the Moments i have and how i’m going to lead one into the other…….like for things with enough pages / panels, i’ll tend to focus on which Moment will end each page &/or each line of panels, then have an idea of which other Moments i’ll need to put on which of those pages, and kinda figure out how to pace things

again that all sounds like maybe i have a real process…..I Do Not

im kinda lucky in that i think i have a decent sense for composition without having to struggle over it too much. so a lot of times i can leave a lot of that up to be felt out as im actually doing the rough lineart for the first time. i also often don’t nail down panel arrangement that carefully & also make it up as i go along a bit, which is probably not something anyone should emulate. someone was saying something about how some certain page layout of like, 3-something-something panel rows looks best, i dont know. i’m guessing, as with all things, nobody can say “always do this / never do that,” but i think staggering odd/even numbers of panels in each row is always a good guess. just makes it easier for them to read more distinctly at least, surely

sometimes i DO think about certain panels when i wanna frame a certain “shot” in a very specific way. but im just kind of doing whatever. i know vague rules like that wide shots / negative space slows down the pace, vs tightly cropped / small panels / packed w a lot of visual info tends to read as a faster pace, more chaotic. i dont quite go too wild about that sort of thing tho, because for me as a reader, a lot of times really tight shots that are like cutting between 5000 different angles rly fast all in a row, sometimes it is absolutely unreadable to me, as in i do not understand the visual info at all. it feels like the equivalent of how action movie editing keeps hanging on to the “incoherency = intensity” vs just me tuning out until the scene is over & missing details b/c i just am not getting anything out of it

thats not much of a factor for me coz i dont really ever do things with extended sequences of movement / action or whatever. i’ll keep things in one place. i’ll like to do smaller, “quicker” panels moreso to like, show simultaneousish details / to extend one moment…..occasionally i do Big Panels for a moment of higher intensity / impact too. btw putting a High Intensity moment in a super tiny panel is always really funny for the contrast of it all. i dont think ive ever done it, but it is

ummm…….also planning where your speech bubbles will go is good. i dont do that enough, but i should. most of the reason i dont have a more proper, organized process to anything i draw is that i just dont have the focus / patience to slow down for More Planning vs just going ahead and drawing it. jokes on me, since some quick vague planning can make it a lot easier on yourself vs just diving in and struggling w something for ages

uhhh also since im not that fantastic or mindful of panel layout? sometimes i’ll make a point of just having uniform rectangle panels of the same size/shape, so i only have to really worry about the layout within the frame. this is mostly good obv for things with not that much shift in pacing throughout it or action or whatever…you lose the advantage of how panel sizes can affect the tone of a shot or something & probably cant get that detailed in ur drawings but that is often Fine By Me

when i do use the uniform rectangle structure though, i kinda have to focus more on each individual panel, vs like, knowing ok, these three moments are going on this page, i have a vague idea of what’ll connect them, just make up the individual panels as you go along. this does mean that i have to kinda think more about what justifies each panel….how its different from the ones before & after it or how i might want it to be similar to “hold” a shot for a beat or w/e or draw focus to a small movement, what’s actually going into each panel, if i can/should condense two panels into one, etc. its still a lot of playing it by ear, i dont have solid rules of how i think i should do it each time

even when i do have a like whole plan for something im drawing i’ll often make more changes as im actually making it. sometimes its deciding something would be more effective, sometimes it’s just “hey this would work too & be easier,” and thats definitely fine. nobody knows the change you made, and Easier isn’t necessarily Worse anyways. convenience is good where you can get it

ive also definitely had specific comic artists formatting/framing styles in mind when i specifically wanted to use that while drawing my own stuff. like the way i’ll draw maybe a kind of horror vibe (more diagonal lines / “fractured” panels than i’d normally use, quick tiny shots of different smaller details, that kinda stuff) is gonna be different from when its a calm & quiet tone. where i dont really get too creative with the panels really & keep them pretty steady

and then that one time i did a largely nonsequential sort of panel collage b/c the marge simpson anime gave me great inspiration for how to combine & present a bunch of vague notions i had floating around all into one page. it was a good accomplishment & thats unsurprising because the inspiration i was using was That Good. thank god we can all benefit from each others good ideas and knowledge & work & all that. it does help to jump on a feeling of “wow what a cool comic i wish i could make something like that.” just go ahead and make something like that…

ummm this is all on the technical side-ish still but i dont really know what to say abt the kind of stuff that makes me wanna draw a comic in the first place vs just putting the idea into a regular single drawing…usually it Is kind of a more nuanced moment that i think would be better presented within some amount of context and buildup and all that. i basically exclusively draw emotions….and sometimes theyre better shown with some amount of action/dialogue, or at least a few different shots or something. i dont know if this area is helpful information or anything anyone would benefit from knowing about, or even if i have anything to say about it…is it all self evident maybe? idk! i do think i communicate emotions best through comics…not that each one is “here is my mood!” or talking about me at all, but i was for example trying to communicate about an abstract emotion, i think i can draw about it better than talk or write about it or anything. i DO sometimes draw more directly from my own specific feelings/experiences for things, but mostly when i think it can be relevant…i cant really do anything all that directly autobiographical, even casual diary comics or whatever. thats what my text posts are for… but i have been interested in how to convert these huge emotional issues that i’ve been v familiar with into a few pages or panels and how to present its impact in the simplest, straightforward ways i can manage…sometimes i think its worked for sure…..i feel like i gave a more Relatable sense to a certain experience by putting it in comic form than any of the times ive discussed it as a personal thing at length via text. like i said i communicate best via comics probably, despite not drawing them all that much coz im too damn slow lmao

speaking of, i’ve kind of been like “what a waste” abt the fact that i dont have like, a proper approach or regular strategy to thinking up comics before i draw them, but i think theres something actually okay to be taken from that lol……just that i know if i got too caught up in trying to plan it all out perfectly before getting into actually drawing it, i’d be making it into a bigger project and slowing myself down even more & i’d risk dropping it partway through or just never getting started at all. so if i have a less than perfect end result, at least i have an end result, and ive finally got that one idea out of my head in some way. and i feel like some of my comics do work out decently enough….a good handful of times ive been surprised w how well some ppl receive them

so i think it is good to just go ahead and dive in. i did that once w an idea i’d been sitting on for like half a year, and i think it turned out good enough. i just knew i could easily spend months and months more turning over all the details, which might make it Better, but would also mean that yknow, i’d never actually get around to making it b/c of feeling like it had to be ideal. so i simplified it a bit, used a uniform panel layout, did little drawings, and just got it drawn out in an afternoon or two. and now at least it exists lol. and ive sort of come back to the same idea in a way…if i feel like it turns out i wanna elaborate on something more, i can just make another pic/comic built on the same theme, who’s gonna care or stop me

i also try to focus on what lines are/aren’t necessary to avoid things being confusing or just pointlessly cluttery….this isnt a big issue b/c i dont often bother w bgs. dont emulate that either lol…….but im not doing any Serious art so its no big deal to me if im not “good” or not progressing as spectacularly as i might. i dont need my drawing abilities to be that amazing here. but bgs still serve a purpose beyond being a “skill” or whatever so im trying to include them more, aka occasionally, at all. still hardly ever. but sometimes you at least need like one halfassed establishing shot yknow. anyways

mmm this has all been kinda vague and i’m trying to think if there’s anything more specific i could/should talk about!! i dont know. i dont have a good perspective on what its like to look at my art while not being me lol & what ppl might think or what stands out to them or whatever. rip

sorry this is so long, i dont really have ppl wanting to know abt my Processes or drawing thoughts or whatever so i’m kinda jumping at the chance to talk about this sort of stuff after having been actually prompted to. but i dont know if i’ve said anything at all!! i dont know if any of it has been helpful

“tldr; i dont really know what im doing, but go ahead and jump into actually making them as opposed to feeling like youre ready / you know the best way to make a page, because nobodys ever ready or can say This Is The Best Possible Version so just go ahead and use whatever process feels like it makes your life easier, while still actually making the damn comic” is my whole thing, i guess

i dunno, if there was some specific thing you wanted to know abt that i didnt talk about / talk about well here, feel free to ask me to specify because i totally will, which is both an invitation and a warning obviously

sorry this is so long everybody…….writing an essay & by the end of it not being sure if ive given any info at all is part of my whole Thing

[otakuemilee]

Just my thoughts on death note NETFLIX movie

So i watched the death note movie last night and GOOD LORD it was bad I mean if i had never seen the original I might have actually liked it but since I have there was so many plot holes and scences were missing most not even all of charters were off and a bunch of other stuff

(I’M CURRENTLY REWATCHING THE ORIGINAL SERIES )

Side note sorry for the spelling errors and missing words I wrote all of these at 12-3 in the morning

Holy shit this is so American right off the bat

3 cop cars lights blazing with in the first minute

Pft light Turner ( is he related to timmy Turner from fairy odd parents

Kay so misa is a cheerleader now ?kool I guess

Light Turner:that smart guy who dose other people’s math home work

Creeper stop looking at the cheerleaders creep

So misa is the head bitch of the cheer team?

In case if you forgot where the movie took place, there is a highschool/collage football team practicing with the cheerleaders neer by

Oh misa smokes now also during practice?also also where the hell did the cigeret come from and how is fit already lit?

Boy notices girl (I bet they are going to do it later on in the movie ()

“Fuck I think she likes me even though we probley never met before ” look

Edgy title sequences with flashing different colours

+ Roll credits

None of the T’s are side ways nor upside down

Oh shit rave time

Oh shit sudden winds

Did she inhale he cigeret ?

Oh geez the note book has fallen from the sky

Oh shit right its right beside me

Let’s grab it

Roll credits

Now it’s raining suddenly everyone run away

Bullies sucks

Classic I’m gonna beat up up and steal your money

Girl tries to be tough only to be pushed by the bully and guy yells out after catching her “DON’T TOUCH HER”

OH SHIT SMART GUY HAD BEEN HANDING OUT ANSWERS TO PEOPLE

smart guy tries to make the principal see the bigger picture of things for students

Why did light lose his mom at a young age

In the anime he had his mother why the odd detail of a lost one to justify the guy HANDING out answers to people and to be edgy ????

Kool girl can’t talk to the edgy guy of the school

Random ass jumpscare Falling asleep in detention cliques

Why did you have to push all the books off the desk you could have placed them on the desk either side of you? Also why all the books anyways ?

At least they kept the rules of the book right

Why dose the writing end here ?

Holy fuck flashing lights,damn it the power when out why?

WHAT THE FUCK MARBLES

Why are there millions of marble in here in a glass jar some where back there

“Anyone there” clique

What’s with the millions of jars in the front or back of the class??

WHAT or who knocked this over?

AH BIG SPIKY THING

HOLY FUCK IT LOOKED AT ME

*nocks a shelf down by falling into it from fear*

Random winds indoors

Locked door when shits going down clique

Light Turner is a little bitch

Screams for a whole minute quite to look at shit flying around the class room screams like a little bitch again

Oh shit everything stoped and this room is a mess I’m going to be untroubled for this

My Apple has been ate *dun dun dun*

Ah A DISIMBODY VOICE

Main character thinks they are sleeping in a odd senerior clique

“Eight foot demon lookin mother fucker” -light Turner

Was just freaking out a second ago but listens to what the “Eight foot demon lookin mother ” has to say and dose the thing he says to do

Oh shit that chick is getting bullied what do I do?

“Let’s kill them by writing their name in this ‘death note ”

God damn I know you want this person to die but by decapations that’s a little fucked up mate

I was right God damn, that’s disturbing! A fucking lader to the face , it didn’t even take the head completely off just where the mouth separates

Also the girl and that guy now needs some deep mentle health help now that shits gonna stay with them forever now

OH DAMN SON THAT’S NOT RIGHT

Oh shit I was talking to the demon lookin mother fucker and now he gone but the powers back on and the class room is a mess

-12 minute mark

Oh look the book I just used to kill that dude like just pick this back up and act like nothing happened

Awkward dinner with my father (OH shit wait where’s lights little sis?) With a earth quake happening at the same time

Mubble mubble? Mumble . Mumble mumble mumble? Mumble mumble? JUST SPEAK CLEARLY PLEASE

SO the mom got ran over and died and apparently talking about this makes light angry as hell?

Time to use the death note to write that guys name down or wait what don’t trust ryuk?

AH DEMON IN MY CLOSET

Let’s toss a Apple in here

“2 days? Wow your fingers are huge ”

Causal steals evidence from the folder of your dead mom’s case

Out of pure spite I’m gonna kill the one who killed my mother

That felt good

WHAT THE FUCK Hollywood I get it more blood the better but god damn vomitting blood after falling neck first onto a knife that’s just gross and yes shocking but ewwwwww

Fuck ryuk looks fucking creepy as fuck,

Also why is ryuk so sinnicual in this in the anime he’s just like to as you want I’ll be right here eating all of the apples

Let’s read this thing out in public no one will notice except my crush

Cheer leader girl is kinda messed up

Oh wow your name is Mia,U COULD HAVE KEPT THE NAME MISA

-22 minute mark

“ I can’t tell you what this is but if you really want to know lemme tell you all about it”

Girl thinks u are batshit crazy son

Out of everything they kept the hostage scene ???

Oh damn you killed a man I believe everything you say and do now

Back to the whole sub plot of mommy died now I’m emotionally dead inside and now I have this book I can feel something now

“ Let us make a new world light”

Takes the lady up to his room and I told you they were gonna fuck

“Lets kill every one bad to fine the good”

“ be named kira” “why kira ? What dose it mean ?” “I means light in Celtic or Russian like that ” ^— it means killer in the translation to English or to (*キラキラ*) shine/glitter in japanese you twat also Russian yes but it means like the sun And no way is it even close to having a Celtic background it’s Greek meaning lady

Okay they kept the prison scene but to a minimum

Why the fuck is L at the scene of the crime??? Why didn’t they cast him like the fans wanted, who cares about a diverse cast , we want the quirks of the actual charter to be shown

If they cut out the whole tennis since I’m gonna be sad and if they do the whole tough black guy thing I’m gonna be really upset with the character

What’s with the random ass song ???

No really wtf

A SINGLE SONG PUTS THE GREATEST DETIVE TO LIVE ASLEEP DON’T LET ANYONE KNOW ABOUT IT

WHERE’S MY OLD MAN WATARI WHAMMY ?

dose the dad even have a name or naw

Wahhh that was watari singing that random add song??? Why is he japanese he was a English gentalman(kinda)in the anime ????

WHAT NO WHY?

L IS A CLEAN FREAK NO CANDY IS SPLIT NO WHERE WHY YOU NO SIT CORRECT KNEES TO YOUR CHIN FEET ON THE FLOOR GOD DAME IT

but hey you have the room of which they meet in so I guess that’s cool or are you gonna gloss over that and not show the task force guys ?

Apparently talking about killing people gives Mia a boner good to know

NO TASK FORCE ? THE FUCK

JAMES TURNER WHY?????

OMG JUST EAT THE ICE CREAM YOU DICK

L WHAT NO THIS ISN’T HOW THAT HAPPENED THE PUT A FAKE

WHAT ABOUT THE SHINIGAMI EYES MOTHER DUCKED? WHERE S REM? MISA SHINIGMA WHAT ABOUT HER HUH? YOU MISSES A CRUSAL PLOT POINT DUMBASSES

ALSO IT WAS OVER A LEADERS CONFRENACE OF HEAD POLICE FORCE PEOPLE NOT A TYPICAL ONE COME ALL REPORTER MEET AND GREET

NO VOICE MODOFACATIONS EAITHER??? REALLY?

Hahaha they kept the stalking of light

WHAT THE FUCK happened

Let’s do all live interviews with a mass killer on the lose

Let’s drop all of the f bombs man screw ratings

WHO MADE RYUK THE GOD OF ALL SHINIGMAS? DID THEY NOT LOOK AT DEATH NOTE THIRTEEN? ALSO WHO MADE THIS BOOK?

LET’S JUST BE DICKS IN PUBLIC TO EACH OTHER

UM WHAT IS HAPPING

NO NO NO NO NO NO

THE DEATH NOTE DOSENT WORK LIKE THAT YO,U CAN’T KILL OFF THE ONE CHARATER THAT LEADS TO SOMETHING IMPORTANT ASLO MIA YOU MORE USELESS THAN THE CHARTER MISA AT LEAST SHE HAD THE SHINIGAMI EYES AND HAD A NPTE BOOK OF HER OWN AND ACTUALLY DID THINGS

WHAT THERE IS NO RULE 89 Its FAKE you idiot There’s only 6ish rules and they have the simplest of loop holds but misa can see them too she knows more than you do about the death note light Turner

Uh no what the hell is st.martains orphanage in Montauk IT WAS WHAMMYS ORPHANAGE IN LONDON ENGLAND WHERE MELLO,MATT AND N AND I GUESS BB LIVED AND WORKED ON BECOMING THE NEXT L BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT

??? Rochester wards what the hell is that??? I mean yeah sure yeah you got that part right about becoming great detectives but it was only yo become a sucesor to L Because he had a few months to live or whatever the time ACTUALly was

????? Now this is bull shit locking children away to make them stay sane? To be come a great deftective and the rest of which you are saying is shit , La in his thirty or so cause MATT and mello and near are all in their 20s or a wee bit older

Fuck this movie man

L looks so week in this like yeah watari is basically L’S father and what not but the guy I know and looked up to is being please as a guy who can’t do anything for him self watari this watari that I get it but there are things of which I don’t get about this portrale why dose he sleep for — amount of hours when we takes cat naps through out the day OKAY THIS TAKES THE FUCKING CAKE L IS RESTRICTED BY A POLICE OFFICER THIS MAN KNOWS HOW TO EVERY FIGHTING TECHNIQUE LNOWN TO MAN BUT GOD FORBID A OFFICER TAKES HIM DOWN AND HEY LET’S TAKE THE MOST MENTAL STABLE MAN EVER AND TURN HIM INTO A NEVIOUSE MESS

SO WAIT NO TRAPS IN THE ROOM NO PENCILE IN THE DOOR NO GOOD FUCKING PARTS TO THE ORIGINAL YOU PEICE OF GARBAGE CREATER

THE ORIGINAL HAD A BETTER SOUND TRACK AND NOT SOME CHEEP OVER USED SCARY MOVIE BMG

THAT’S HOW WATARI DIES IN THIS SHITTY VERSION A SAD PATHTIC DEATH

WHAT THE FUCK there are no rules you twat

This movie honestly broke my heart turned L into a shallow mess of a characterwhich made him look so week skipped a bunch a details that made the anime what it was it slipped over MAT,mello and near and the final battle at the end misa sucked a lot the final scene really is the point where ryuk writes lights name in the book but booboo Mia had to write it and blah blah blah I AM THE FINAL BATTLE AND THERE IS 21:48 LEFT TO THIS SERISE WHAT THE FUCK IF GONNA HAPPEN??? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENES

NO BOTH OF THEM DIES ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME THAT’S HOW THIS SHIT ENDS OH WAIT NO SINCE LIGTS PAPER GOT BURNT IN A FIRE MEANS THE BITCH OH LIGHT ISN’T KIRA BECAUSE HE SAW HIS NAME A PAPER AND THESE DOSNENT HAPEN BECAUSE OF THIS AND THAT YOU MESSED UP BIG TIME MOVIE ALSO FUCK THE THE RULE OF WHO EVER TOUCHES THE NOTE BOOK SEES SHINIGAMI

FUCK THIS MOVIE TO THE FULLEST EXTENT THIS DID NO JUSTICE YOU THE ORIGINAL THIS WAS TERRIBLE AND I VERY MUCHED HATES HOW THE ENDING TURNES OUT FUCK YOU ADAM WINGARD AND ALL THOSE WHO HELPEd make this

Side note

WHO the hell comes into someone’s house and is all like HI yeah I know I don’t live here but gtfo the adults need to speak

[is-god-real-blog]

Can you logically prove that God doesn’t exist, Bill Cravens

Bill Cravens, BSMME, Univ. of Mich. 1978, MSMME, Illinois Institute of Tech, 1997

I am a former atheist (admittedly in my youth) and am now a Christian. I will answer the question by posing another question... one that I feel is not given nearly as much consideration today as it properly was in the past.

"What is proof?"

Technically, it is a philosophic and mathematical term. "Proofs" are evidence, arguments, and analysis, etc. that are held to lead any objective and rational mind from a condition of doubt or skepticism to acknowledgement of the thing that is alleged to be "proven". Obviously, once one leaves the realm of mathematics, geometry, and pure logical analysis, this word becomes a very "tall order"!

History provides excellent examples. "Prove" to me that the Roman Empire ever existed. I see some ruins in today's Rome, and elsewhere around the Mediterranean, etc. I see some written records (mostly copies of copies of copies), professing to have recorded them. I see Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar" (which, so I am told, was supposedly a dramatization from Plutarch's records.

Likewise for Ancient Egypt... Babylon... Old Testament Israel... Alexander... the Christian Church, the entire Medieval Period. All of it is "inferred", by taking written testimony and then trying to build a "collage" of sorts. A "reasonably accurate picture" of how "scholars think the history of our world unfolded up to the present day. Clearly, there is much that is subjective. Historical "proofs" are not at all "rigorous" like those of the Mathematicians.

In Science, on the other hand, we are often told that "science proves" this or that. But let's keep clear what "that kind of science" means. It is an attempt to ascertain "how Nature normally works". To determine "Natural Laws" that are the same at all points in time and space. Physics, Chemistry, Electromagnetics, Gravity... the study of "universal forces" and how they function. Time and again, scientists will state that, if we ever do encounter intelligent aliens from elsewhere in the Universe, they will at least have this in common with us... that they understand the same natural laws.

But this is built on a very strong assumption that "Science" is purely the study of universal Natural Law. Many things other than that get called "science" today, simply because their study uses scientific devices and refers to natural laws. History, Archaeology, Paleontology, Evolution, Psychology and Sociology etc. all claim to be "science", even though (as of yet) none of them can reproduce their primary effects in a test tube. They simply "assume" the existence of their subjects, or infer them from indirect observations, and then use "nature language" to put a "scientific decoration" on their fields. But Culture, "The Past", the Soul, and Society... these are "constructs", not rocks on a table to be weighed and chemically analysed.

Now then..."Proof of God"? First, although I am a Christian, one must note that it is somewhat unfair to ask that an atheist "prove" that Something "does not exist". Proofs of negatives are not "absolutely impossible". Mathematicians and students of Geometry are quite familiar with them. But get outside of the purely analytical realm and they become extremely difficult to come up with, very quickly. For "contingent" items and events, such as History deals with, one must start from the assumption that the thing or event COULD HAVE happened, but did not HAVE TO HAPPEN. Hence, "contingency". Under those circumstances, one can imagine an awful lot of things being "possible" or "conceivable", which by no means makes them "certain". It would be very hard to PROVE that Abraham Lincoln lived and did and said what is recorded of him, if one did not start out simply assuming that the records of him are "reasonably accurate" up front. Not really "proof" at all. (Or, for that matter, "disproof".)

But God? God Himself?? I'm thinking of the Cabby in the Emerald City in 'The Wizard of Oz'. "We want to see the Wizard!" "The Wizard?? Well, I uh... er, um, uh... well... !" Pray tell, just what kind of "Proof" (or "Anti-Proof") would you have in mind?? God is held (by most Monotheists today, and for the last 2000+ years) to be not a "material being" that you might come upon at a particular location in Time and Space. He is held to be "Self-Existent" and Eternal. The "First Cause"... the "Unmoved Mover"... the "Uncaused Cause of All Things". As such, it seems (to monotheistic philosophers) intrinsically unreasonable to ask to "see God, directly". What Light would you shine on the Father of Light? With what eyes would you look on Him Who made your eyes? And if, somehow, you could "see God"... what is it that you suppose you would see?

For this reason, we (who believe in the biblical God) believe that it is not relevant to the subject, when atheists demand "proof" that God "exists", and justify their platform on the grounds that we cannot give them that. The expectation of "physical proof of God's existence" is simply and inherently unreasonable. There are "arguments" for God's existence, but not evidences of the sort that, say, persuaded scientists that there were planets beyond Saturn, or that might eventually convince them that there is life on Mars. We are not speaking of biological life, or of Mars, but of Him Who made both.

Ironically, this leads me to come to their defense if someone should demand that atheists "prove" that God "does not exist". Just how, exactly, would one have them do that? God is, by His Nature... Well, one must balk at speaking of God's "nature". Perhaps we should say by the "unavoidable status of the relationship between God and His created things. In any event, He is invisible. One does not "ask God for His credentials", to quote Dr. McCoy from what is without a doubt the worst of the various Star Trek movies. Or, if you did decide to ask for them, He might smile and respond by saying "What credentials would you have?"

That, truly, is the problem. One must, in some sense "already know what one is looking for"... what would constitute "proof"... before one can even begin to look, yes? Otherwise, it's sort of like Barbossa said of the "Isle de la Muerta" in 'Pirates of the Caribbean". "Can only be found by them as already know where to look for it." Well.... that certainly tells me a lot, doesn't it??

My own "argument"... admittedly limited... is this. The Bible does indeed give us at least some limited philosophical "ground" on which to stand. In Genesis, God says "Let Us make Man in Our Image". What this "means", of course, has been debated for millenia. But the general consensus is that God did not simply "make humans", but rather intends that we (somehow, at least) "reflect His own Internal Views and Conditions. Again, it is very hard to know exactly how that "works" in detail. But humans regard themselves as having:

1) Valid conscious awareness. We see the observable world as being "outside" our minds. Thus, though we usually don't look at it this way, we are in fact reserving for our conscious minds an "external status" that claims to be "objective" about the observed Universe. This is in direct refutation of Reductionism... the belief (prevalent among many scientists and neurologists today) that the "mind" is simply "what the brain does"... the result of complex electro-chemical reactions inside it. This is what "science" today mostly says (there are some outspoken exceptions) but, if it were taken seriously, it would undermine just about everything we do with or in our minds. Including Science, by the way.

2) Free Will. Richard Dawkins, Jerry Coyne, and a host of angry Materialists and Atheists can grumble all they wish. But the vast majority of humans are steadfastly dedicated to the idea that humans really do possess the "Supernatural Power" of making uncoerced and unpredictable choices between equally-possible and mutually-exclusive alternatives, and then imposing said choices on our physical surroundings. In fact, we can "make the Future become something that it otherwise would not have become". We are NOT (so most of us hold) merely 'acting out' chemical reactions that were initiated long ago by naturalistic forces beyond our control. Again, this is something that rigorous Materialism absolutely denies. True Free Will (not just the illusion of it, but real free will) simply does not fit into a Materialist viewpoint. If we are "Sons of God", then perhaps we possess this Great Power. If we are just "complex collections of carbon-based molecules, subject to Natural Law, then we do not, and cannot. Myself, I believe in Free Will.

3) Rational Thought. Some excellent works on "What Rational Thought really must be, if it is to be rational", and what this means for Materialism versus the transcendent view of human nature that Religion supports. See C. S. Lewis's "Argument from Reason" in his essay titled 'Miracles'. Also current philosopher Victor Reppert has very effectively taken up Lewis's mantle and pushed the philosophical basis for the argument much farther. Basically, all reasoning requires that we attribute to our thought processes certain basic characteristics that a purely chemical and mechanical system governed by deterministic laws cannot actually provide. Chemistry and Evolution might be able to produce the "illusion" of Free Will and Rational Thought, but they cannot at all produce the Reality of them. With Free Will, perhaps Dawkins and others could just "blow it off". But with Rationality, they dare not. Their whole platform rests on their claim to Reason (as opposed to "Faith"). If they must admit that all Reason (including theirs) is just the pre-ordained outputs of a chemical mechanistic process, then their own thinking goes into the trash along with everyone elses.

4) Finally, Moral Perception. We all (most of us, anyway) believe that we know "Right from Wrong". Even the most hide-bound Materialist, claiming to accept Machiavelli's 'Prince' as his guide, declaring Darwin's Evolution to be the foundation, having no problem with Nietzsche and his "Will to Power"... perfectly happy with the "Realpolitik" of today's world... will, the moment his guard is down, turn around and express outrage and indignation at some immorality. We do often disagree with each other about which principles are more important. And about what methods to apply to achieve them. But all of this misses the point that, without God and His Authority, THERE IS NOTHING TO DISAGREE ABOUT. We all believe that there is a "moral direction to the Universe". We all believe passionately that there is in fact a "Right Way that Things Ought To Be", even if we disagree horribly with each other about what that "Way" is. This Moral Sense is one of those primordial things that points back to God, and to His creating us "in His Image". As C. S. Lewis put it so well, "If there were no visible light in the Universe, and therefore, no creatures with eyes, there would be no sense in saying that it was dark. 'Dark' would be without meaning." If the Cosmos itself is utterly indifferent to Morality... if our moral sense simply developed over time as an evolutionary 'survival tool'... fine, well and good. But then we can no longer take it at face value. No longer look to it as a source of Authority. It's real purpose is to help those in whom it is stronger to survive longer and bear more offspring. It is NOT a "real insight into the way things really OUGHT to be". There are no "oughts", "shoulds" or other "valid moral perceptions". Again, as with perception and reasoning, we have become so accustomed to making moral judgements that we no longer seem to realize what we are saying when we do it. If our thoughts and actions are "caused" by physical processes, how to physical processes come to be "true" or "false"? How do they come to be "evil" or "good"? There are no "good atoms" or "evil stars". Why do I care so much, when it is manifest that the Cosmos does not?

All of these things do not, of course, "prove that God exists" in the rigorous fashion that I described at first. But we all do them, every day, and they strongly point back to the idea that we are "more than meets the eye". Even more than meets our own eyes. This is a powerful, if indirect, basis for believing that we may indeed be "made in the Image of God". At the very least, I would insist that atheists consider what their position amounts to, as regards reductionism. I see a lot of statements to the effect that "we do not see any reason for believing in God", and "can you prove that God exists". I also see statements of the sort that "we atheists can be moral people too!".

My problem with that is that such logic seems to believe that one can just blithely "remove God from the shelves of your thinking", as though He were a particular concept, like "unicorns, dragons, Santa Claus, etc.", and decide "we don't believe in Him any more". "Not believing in God" requires also scrubbing away all of the things that depended on Him for their reality. This, I think, is MUCH harder to do, sincerely and completely, than most atheists realize.

Nonetheless, I will agree that, Whoever and Whatever God is (again, assuming He exists), He has certainly chosen to be Invisible. It is not "self-evident" that He is present in our daily lives. Apparently, if He is watching, He values a certain discretion in His dealings with us. Perhaps this is something He does want us to decide for ourselves. What will we "choose to believe"?

[jpowssbcu]

Producer as an activist My project commenced with “what do I care about”. I listed a few things that I care about and followed it with a brain storm. Gathering and developing ideas about the environment allowed me to trigger genius ideas. I used a mixture of quotes; companies that are helping the environment and questions relevant to my project. I found this as a benefit as I could relate back to these when I needed to.

I then created some logos for my protest party to help gather ideas for my protest banner that I was working towards. I created some 1 sentence manifestos/rules to initialise more ideas to allow myself to dig deeper. This also allowed me to visualise what I would like to see on my protest banner.

I wrote a longer manifesto about my developed political party which was about the ocean and putting the humans in the sea life’s position - swimming through plastics and other foreign bodies of the ocean. I felt that my next action was to start drawing out ideas for my banner which I would then prototype a few times to get it right. I prototyped a rectangular-basic shape banner and a ‘H’ Kind of shape design using bits of scrap materials so that I wasn’t wasting materials contradict my work. I wasn’t really for the ‘H’ design as it just didn’t flow so well with my theme. A simple design seemed to fit well. With my banner design, I was planning to use a layering technique and to create my own embroidery logo to represent my protest party.

Moving on, I started to develop a mind block towards my idea as I had too many ideas all in one place which meant I needed to narrow down to only 1 idea with its purposes. This is when I decided that it would be appropriate to start another ‘digging deeper’ task. Some of the websites I used were Tate.org.uk and It’s nice that. This was a good benefit to introduce new motives. I realised that a book called Humans by Tom Phillips that I’ve recently started to read is actually very relevant to my work and I should start generating new ideas that are unambiguous. The book is ‘a brief history of how we fucked it all up’. It is quite an eye-opening book to read as it goes into depth about precious locations of the world that have been destroyed and how the government could do better and how we could do better. It makes you realise how selfish we are as human beings. Some examples of the book are ‘Cuyahoga River – Cleveland Ohio. A river that is so polluted that it caught on fire no less than 15 times in the past 100 years’. ‘Electronic waste mountain in Guiyu China – mountains of old thrown out electronics. 20 square mile graveyard of unwanted gadgets, piled high with out dated laptops and last year’s smartphones.’ Imagine the impact these events have on the environment alone. The Cuyahoga River can’t be used as a drinking water source by nearby habitants and can’t house aquatic species either due to the pollution. The Electronic Waste Mountain could be a habitat for vegetation and wildlife which saddens me. I believe that the local authorities and government are mostly to blame as they’re not providing the correct ways to recycle and dispose of waste; they’re the cause of deforestation and they aren’t helping to create a sustainable environment.

·     What if pollution was causing something we are not yet aware of, but it will be too late when we find out what that something is?

·     What if illegally importing plants and animals created a new species of animal where only polluted environments would allow this creature to survive and would this creature be a threat to humans?

I started to look into artists with similar ideas such as Luigi Serafini who created Codex Seraphinianus. This artist originally published this illustrated encyclopaedia of an imaginary world in 1981. This project was created over 30 months, between 1976 and 1978. It approximately has 360 pages and is written in Cipher alphabet. The language was completely made up which makes this codex valuable. The artist used coloured pencils to create plants, fauna, anatomies, fashion and foods.

I like how the illustrations are often surreal and a mockery of the real world. Such as birds in their nests with human legs bleeding fruit and a range of foliage twisting into itself.  I particularly like the handwriting which gives the codex authenticity. After decided on my projects progress so far, I believe that using this artist alongside as other artists I will research seem quite relevant to relate to during my practise.

I’m still considering how I could publish/broadcast my work. I’m not sure if I want to create a series of drawings or photography. I’m not really familiar with photography but this will challenge me and allow me to develop a new skill during this project.

Another artist I have been looking into is Erik Ferguson. A digital artist who uses soft wares to create some amazing fusions – parts from the human anatomy, flora and fauna. These mutants are formed in realistic features/textures which gives the impression that these mutants actually exist. This artist creates person works and has worked with ‘Guardians of The Galaxy’ and live performances for Rihanna. Erik Ferguson – ‘I can get hundreds or thousands of comments to an image or video. I take that feedback and work it into future designs.’ I really like that he engages with his audience to develop his own work and to create work that the audience want as well as pleasing himself to combine what he wants.

I adore the use of detail Erik pits into his work. Even the smooth textures have small details. I’m going to develop ways I can achieve detail in the sculptures of the mutants that I will be making to capture attention and to create a depth of emotion that triggers a sense of an unforgettable experience. I think that I could create some gross skin textures by using the glue gun to create skin folds etc.

I created a collage to generate the idea of hybrid creatures that would come cleanse the earth. This then gave me the idea to scrap the idea of creating protest banners and to create sculptural works. I took old toys and re-assembled them using hot glue. The hot glue also gifted these sculptures with additional details. The oozing liquid texture made these creatures appear a lot more threatening than they would if they were perfectly glued together. I decided to completely/partially paint some of these to add extra threatening features and textures. I then drew my sculptures to consider how I would display these when protesting for my party – whether these will be displayed as illustrated designs? During this time of planning, I moved onto photographing my designs to see how they look in natural lighting. I felt the natural light gave them a natural ambient look and it seemed a lot more realistic rather than toys glued together and photographed.

I used my photos to create collaged posters to create mood and to consider another way of display. Maybe I should create a multi-media poster collection of these creatures?

Mother Nature’s Revenge

Note: Mundane – Non- spiritual (in this script human(s) will be replaced with mundane).

Purgatory: 100 years ago, the Earth became heavily polluted that scientists and the government could no longer do anything to save the planet. So, it was Mother Nature’s plan to do something about this catastrophe. Objects were documented falling from the sky – Juveniles were caught recording on their smartphones and recording live on social media which justified this apocalypse. The mundane are the reason why this Earth is so corrupt which is why Mother is seeking genesis.

As the UFOs fell from the sky and were getting closer to the sight of the mundane, it was that moment when they realised that they were in danger. The creatures began wiping the mundane out of existence with lashes from their huge monstrous hands and other uncanny limbs. The only thing left was vegetation, wild natural fauna and other natural forms. It’s time to start again. Will there be a new race? Or will some of the mundane revive with intellect?

Post-Purgatory:

After days of cleansing the Earth from pestilence, the minions slowly began to perish as the Earth is becoming so pure that there’s no more pollution left for the minions to consume. Vegetation began to grow, and extinct species are revived into existence. Locations such a Cuyahoga River has become cleansed so thoroughly that only the most sacred aquatic life populate there. Slowly, fauna began to establish and the rare are becoming habitual and the place once known as ‘The Electronic Waste Mountain – Guiyu China’ is now a sustainable habitat, populated with variegated vegetation and fauna. Let us hope that the new mundane population will not be what they were before.

Final Protest Banner:

Now that I decided how I wanted my poster to look. It was hard to figure out how exactly I wanted to display my protest poster. After researching, I came across stickers. That’s when it hit me, my protest poster will be a stick which can easily be mass produced and placed around different locations to spread awareness of my protest. Purgatio Clamoris. Save the Earth. Be the genesis.  In the images, you will notice how the environment in my photography clearly captures evidence of human interference with nature. The location of my photography is no more than 2 miles away from my home -- so literally on my door step. It’s unfair that the environment is always brushed aside and business is put first. My protest stickers are definitely something I will continue to use to spread awareness of my campaign.

I really enjoyed this project because it allowed me to play around with collage again. I felt that working with collage worked really well as I could reuse old materials which complimented the cause of the protest (cutting down on waste and pollution). When finding a location for these protest stickers, I originally wanted to stick them in public toilets and notice boards. However, on my way to those locations, I happened to across deforestation which was so serendipitous as the stickers themselves have a sci-fi fantasy inspired deforestation scene on them. I placed my stickers in this location and took some photos to document this. The photography worked really well and I captured some nice compositions which worked quite well. One thing I would like to change is the size of the stickers. I feel that from a distance it’s pretty hard to notice the A5 sticker on the tree. I think an A3 or at least an A4 size sticker would be more affective as it would capture the attention of the public causing them to approach the scene.

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 116, August 2018

Last Saturday afternoon, I decided to spend my day off work by visiting the Mornington Peninsula Regional Gallery for the National Works on Paper 2018 exhibition. It’s not very often that I have a day to myself to not worry about the many commitments in my life. Being on open area at Dunns Road Reserve, there was absolutely no protection from the strong gusty winds blowing over the peninsula. As it turns out, today they had some artist talks on that afternoon and I figured that I might as well stick around for at least one of them.

The first talk was by Cameron Robbins who produces “wind drawings” using a wind machine which features many turbines, pulleys, wires, a rotating drawing board, a weather vane and a black fineline pen. Along with the MPRG curator Danny Lacy, Cameron discussed how variables such as the wind speed, wind direction, rain and sunlight impacts on what the drawing produced will look like. He also brought up concepts like Chaos Theory and Fractal Design as inspirations for his work as an artist.

The artist talks drew quite a large crowd today of around 50-60 members which was very unexpected. I had a brief wander around the exhibition and was very impressed by the high quality of the artwork. Lots of hours and so much detail went into these pieces which covers everything from paintings and drawings to sculptures, collages and mixed media works. Whilst I’ve pretty much gone on hiatus as an artist myself, I will always have a huge appreciation for art and fellow artists in the community. https://mprg.mornpen.vic.gov.au/Exhibitions/Current-exhibitions/2018-National-Works-on-Paper

On Monday night, I had my second session with the Men of Doveton health and fitness program at Doveton College. This week we started the session downstairs in the gym where we did some footy training lead by Mitch from the Casey Demons. It’s actually been about 16 years since I last did anything football related and re-learning the sport tonight brought up some emotional issues in me from high school. Part of it is that fact that I’m not the biggest fan of footy and never really got into it. http://www.melbournefc.com.au/casey-demons

Playing any kind of team sport during my P.E. classes was something that I really didn’t enjoy whatsoever. I had fears around being hit in the face by the ball, being tackled by other students, doing something dumb if I was in possession of the ball and been made fun off because I was really terrible at footy. It was a huge weakness of mine both ball-handling skills and getting involved during a game.

Thankfully tonight, all of those hurts from the past have been laid to rest. All the guys in the Men of Doveton program are starting at ground zero and this is very much a supportive and encouraging environment. The aim is to basically just have a go and participate as much as possible. We started by doing some hand balling at a distance of 5 meters then doing some kick-to-kick at 10 and 15 meters.

Of course the footballs were flying in all directions but it was honestly fine. It was all about having fun and not taking things too seriously. I did well to not let that 16 year old version of Michael Dixon out. He would have been off the footy field trying everything possible to avoid the ball. Next we did a few games and drills, learning how to bounce the ball properly, aiming and kicking at goals and avoid being tagged by other players.

Lastly, we got divided into two teams: the plains and the whites and played a game of basic footy with just hand balling and no contact. This was another thing I used to struggle with back in high school is that nobody ever passed the ball to me because they knew I was a weak player and would end up making the team lose. But again that stuff was a long time ago and I did my best to get involved by passing the ball around and being distracting to the opposite team. It actually felt good participating in a sport I haven’t played in a very long time.

The second half of the session focused on mental health issues. After catching our breaths (Seriously so not used to running up and down a basketball court), we returned to the theatre and Mo gave everyone a journal for us to keep and write down any positive thoughts, things that we’re grateful for, reflections etc in. Writing is a huge part of me and probably the area I have the least amount of difficulty in. However, I do sometimes get forgetful and need to remember to actually do it.

Lastly we had a guest speaker named Greg from Beyond Blue talking about his personal experiences with Bipolar disorder. Being an Irishman, we was very animated and funny but also understandably nervous about sharing his story. I could very much relate to his degree of denial and assuming that “I’m fine” after one or two counselling sessions. There are always underlying issues to be found and back when I was originally diagnosed with depression and anxiety over 10 years ago, I wasn’t ready to open up or unpack my baggage. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

The most important things I learned from Greg’s talk is the importance of finding the right counsellor or therapist for you, having lots of support and people you can trust in, not being afraid to speak up about mental health issues, accepting that it’s okay to not be okay as well as express normal human emotions. I really didn’t feel comfortable enough to speak up about my own issues in this large group setting but it’s something that I’m working towards. https://www.caseystadium.ymca.org.au/whats-on/upcoming-events/event/men-of-doveton-free-health-program-2

On Tuesday night, I attended the first of four NDIS workshops hosted by AMAZE (Formerly Autism Victoria) at Bunjil Place in Narre Warren. I haven’t fully processed the fact that my access request was successful and that I’m now officially an NDIS participant so now I have a reason to attend these workshops beyond just gaining knowledge and information. A lady named Pamela Gatos, who presented at the info night a few months back, has returned to run this workshops designed to better prepare NDIS participants for the journey ahead. http://www.amaze.org.au/2018/04/amaze-announces-ndis-information-sessions-and-workshops-sign-up-now/

There were about 20 other parents, carers and people with autism in the same meeting room as I was. The silence was very uncomfortable for me but I was 100% determined to push through it. I did find that Pam could come across as blunt, intimidating and snarky at times, often making very sarcastic comments about the NDIS and all the negative stories she’s heard about it.

To be fair, her opinions can be justified as I myself has found the NDIS to be a very daunting, overwhelming and confusing system to wrap my head around. She also has a lot of experience working with current participants and families with autistic kids and adults so she knows what she’s talking about.

Tonight’s workshop focused on the topics of: The 3 types of management for the funding of supports (Self Management, Plan Management and Agency Management), the NDIS Pricing Guide July 2018, how to access the NDIS portal via the mygov website, the 3 types of Supports (Core, Capital and Capacity Building) and the 15 support categories. https://www.ndis.gov.au/participants/reasonable-and-necessary-supports

It was a lot of information to process but it did get me thinking about which supports I should be asking for in my plan. The ones I could identify for myself include: Improved living Arrangements, Increased Social and Community Participation, Finding and Keeping a Job, Improved Health and Wellbeing, Improved Life Choices and Improved Daily Living Skills. https://abilityoptions.org.au/ndis/ndis-supports-categories

The challenge now is to find arguments to justify why these supports are reasonable and necessary. It’s probably the most difficult part of the whole process as it’s an important part of the planning meeting and developing my first plan. It’s going to take many baby steps but I know I’ll get there. Still I really wasn’t a fan of Pamela’s attitude and personality. She came off as a judgemental bitch and wasn’t very constructive.

Being the odd-one-out (an adult diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder rather than a child), I didn’t feel supported or accepted in that meeting room. I walked out of this first workshop feeling very conflicted and confused as I really didn’t like Pamela’s views or approach to NDIS preparation. So I think that I’m going to look elsewhere. https://www.ndis.gov.au/operational-guideline/planning/participant-statement-goals

On Friday afternoon, I saw my counsellor Ruth at Piece Together Counselling in Narre Warren. The high velocity winds outside and poor quality of sleep have really impacted on my moods and emotions this week. I’ve found myself taking a lot of things personally including my opinions about the UNIFY 2019 lineup and my decision not to go next year, the pressures placed upon me by others including customers and members of the general public. It all got a bit much for me this week and now I’m feeling drained and exhausted.

Ruth reminded me of the importance of using Cognitive Behavoural Therapy and not allowing myself to fall into the trap of maladaptive thinking. It’s the reason why I often take things so personally. To essentially consider alternative explanations for the way other people react to situations and not believe that I’m the sole cause of it. She also pointed out that using my journal more regularly is vital to focus more on the positive aspects in my life. https://www.succeedsocially.com/challengethoughts

On Friday night, I went to my Strength and Circuit small group training session at CinFull Fitness. I was honestly feeling like shit after some posts on social media was dragging me down inside plus I was mentally drained from how busy my week has been. Tonight I was training with a couple of other clients. We did some warm-up drills with the dead balls doing overhead squats and ball slams plus walking lunges with dumb bells, kettle bell swings and push-ups.

Next we did a series of exercises to work and tone the biceps and triceps including rows, kick-backs and curls, tricep push-ups and lifts. Lastly we did some core training using the med balls including overhead situps, pull ups with leg extensions and Russian twists. It was very difficult for me to keep up as I was fatiguing and feeling out of breath a lot quicker than the others and Cinamon noticed straight away. Plus lots of sweat but that’s nothing new for me.

I guess I want to do the best that I can but also have to be aware and mindful about my physical limitations. I have to keep reminding myself that there’s no shame in needing to stop and rest, that nobody is going to judge me for not being as physically fit as they are. Doing strenuous exercise is still a struggle for me but I’m determined to keep plugging away at it, no matter how long it takes me. I want to continue to lose weight and improve my fitness as I need to make classes like these a regular part of my routine. https://www.facebook.com/CinFullFitness/

“I watched them go 'round and 'round. My blouse wrapping itself in your trousers. Oh the waves are going out. My skirt floating up around my waist. As I wade out into the surf. Oh and the waves are coming in. Oh and the waves are going out. Washing Machine.” Kate Bush - Mrs. Bartolozzi (2005)

“There were hundreds of people living here. Sails at the windows. And the planes came crashing down. And many a pilot drowned. And the speed boats flying above. Put your hand over the side of the boat. And what do you feel?”  Kate Bush - A Coral Room (2005)

[msby]

“You’re such a bitch pala?”

by Cara Rosete (161732, 2 AB Communication)

People would say, genuinely surprised every time this five foot tall girl opened her mouth to say either her opinion or dark joke. 

I would hear this phrase constantly- from my family, friends, and sometimes nowadays, even myself. You would think that someone that seems wholesome, someone physically weak and short, someone that came from an all-girl Catholic school would only be associated with the words such as cute or friendly, yet somehow, I have earned the title of classic bitch- with a hard and rash B.

But why?

And more importantly, why does it not at all bother me one single bit?

According to Goffman and his Dramaturgical Model of Human Life as the Conceptual Framework for the Conception of the Self, we are all actors. We all have roles, which are basically the context we operate in. The audiences are obviously those who observe our actions, and attach meanings to any verbal and non-verbal cues we give them (whether it be international or unintentional). Clothing and dialogue, as well, are important factors that help the audience infer your character. Through these sign-vehicles, we create an impression that we both give and give off (Goffman, pp. 98-99).

Goffman distinguishes the two by saying that an Impression that we Give is one that is thoughtfully and purposefully constructed with intentional and voluntary actions. This is because we are aware of the meanings that are attached to these cues, henceforth, if we want to present ourselves a certain way, we are more likely to engage in that action (Goffman, pp. 100-101).

An example for me is that I come from a very educated background. I grew up in a very disciplined All-Girl Catholic school and am currently studying in one of the prestige collages in the Philippines. My class hence has me obligated to play a certain role in order to achieve coherence. I would intentionally do and say things that I know people associate with being disciplined, proper, and well-schooled. I make sure to always be mindful of my manners. I make sure to dress up accordingly and appropriately for a student. I make sure to always maintain a proper and efficient work ethic, without raising my voice or disobeying any orders. I make sure I do all that I can do to fit the ideals and values of being an Atenean and Povedan inside my identity. 

But is that who I truly am? Am I someone that is so well-behaved that I would obediently follow orders without any single objection?

Growing up, I would hear the word bitch being associated to women of power- females who assert and command themselves. This would connote her to being bossy or bitchy. It was something that I was told to avoid while growing up by my parents. I was always told to be compliant, respectful and full of grace. But how was being an opinionated and heart strong female the complete opposite of being courteous and feminine?

Goffman also talks about the Impression that you Give Off, which are the involuntary actions symptomatic to the actor. These are the actions you do unintentionally when you think no one is looking. These are the smaller gestures and more whispered words that you do not necessarily want other people to perceive you as. And this, I guess, is how I earned the title as “bitch” (Goffman, pp. 100-101).

Because I know, from the bottom of my heart, I am not meek. I am not coy. I speak my mind and defend my beliefs (even when I know it’s wrong). I am prideful. I am competitive and assertive, and have the guts to disagree and oppose. I secretly want to roll my eyes when someone says something I do not agree with or forces a statement on me without any justifiable reason. I push for debate when I believe I am right, and am disappointed when the other party simply surrenders without a single conviction. I breathe in passion, I breathe in ferver. And for some weird reason, being opinionated and commanding and a girl is not ideal. 

I always assumed that “bitch” was used for someone that is rude and uncaring of whether or not their actions and words hurt other people’s feelings. So how is being commanding and assertive automatically being a bitch? Even my family says that I’m the devil trapped in an angel’s body. I have the face of a anghel, but the heart and soul of a demonyo.

According to Grovetant and Cooper’s Model of Individuation in Family Relationship, child development focuses on the interplay between individuality and connectedness. There are four dimensions of the model: self-assertion, separateness, permeability, and mutuality. This engenders identity exploration. This model reflects a parent-adolescent relationship, and is vital interplay in order to transition from kid to teenager (Grovetant & Cooper, pp. 415-416).

Relating such concept with my life, I believe that there is a push and pull between my individuality and connectedness with my family. Most of the time, my individuality dominates my connectedness with them, thus me being labelled as the “independent” or “non-conformist” in our family of five. I was always the deviant growing up and had a hard time blindly obeying any orders from higher ups. I would always ask for reasons or explanation, and push for debate- which they absolutely hated. They thought it was me being disrespectful, I disagreed and said it was being tough. 

To add to the concept, I as well prefer to distinguish myself from my family. Both my parents are doctors and pushed for me to be an architect. However, being the rebel that I am, I went against their wishes and entered into Communication. When my family agrees on a consensus, I normally am the one that voices an opposing opinion. They find it annoying, I find it fun. And I guess, this won me the word as “bitch” in the family.

The last concept is New Media Relationship Development. Gesellschaft states that individualism does not equate to individual isolation. Humans by nature are social beings who live in social organization, which requires cooperation. However, as one’s individuality increases, individual priorities, personal goals, and interests triumph over that of the collective social group’s. In a highly individualistic society, individuals still forge interdependent relationships that are based under the following assumptions. The one assumption, however, that stands out to me the most is that one engages in an interdependent relationship mainly due to personal choice. One befriends someone because one wants to, not because they are being held at gunpoint and are forced to make friends (Greenfield, et al. p. 254).

I acknowledge such a concept, and this has allowed me to grow and shape my identity. I used to surround myself with people who were congruent with my role as an obedient and wholesome Christian. They thought I could do no wrong and would not go against any order given to me. In short, they perceived me to be a push over. This helped in shaping my identity further because the suppression of who I really was engendered the deviant in me to grow even stronger. 

People did not expect a voice out of me. In projects in Grade School, I would always watch passively and let someone else lead in fear that I would be viewed as too demanding. However, eventually, my real self gave way and peaked its terrifying head out. So you can imagine their shock when I finally opened my mouth to let out an opinion. 

Now, the people I choose to surround myself with are those who understand and accept me for who I am. Most of them, actually, are pretty similar in character. They know me beyond the goody-two-shoes I would normally be perceived to be, and know that I am willing to circumvent around rules and orders just to get things done. Surrounding myself with such accepting and similar people has encouraged me to continue being who I am today. They praise me for being efficient and leaderly. They admire and encourage my drive and passion. They do not disregard it and disguise it as being bossy or bitchy.  

Henceforth, call me a bitch all you want, I don’t care. If I get things done quickly and right, your ignorant comment will surely be the last on my mind. Actually, being called a bitch makes me work even harder now to be even more commanding and resilient. One thing I have said over and over again throughout this blog entry (which I will continue to repeat for good measures) is that I am stubborn. I am stubbornly in love with who I am. I am driven, opinionated, and filled with dark and offensive humor. I am not and was never the wholesome Povedan people peg me out to be. So, it is alright that people are surprised that I actually hold opinions and are not afraid to voice them out. This statement and their attitude towards me has shaped me to be even more competitive and strong-willed. 

And I’m not sure if it’s the deviant in me or me outright just being stubborn, but I like it just that way.

WORKS CITED:

Goffman, E. (1991). The presentation of self in everyday life. In J. Henslin (Ed.), Down to Earth Sociology (pp. 98-108). New York, NY: The Free Press.

Grotevant, H., & Cooper, C. (1985). Patterns of interaction in family relationships and the development of identity exploration in adolescence. Child Development, 56, 415-428.

Manago, A., Guan, S.A., & Greenfield, P. (2015). New media, social change, and human development from adolescence through the transition to adulthood. In L. Jensen (Ed.), The Oxford Handbook of Human Development and Culture: An Interdisciplinary Perspective (Ch. 32, pp. 519-534). NY: Oxford University Press.

[climbthepeak]

The Personal Trainer Marketing Dilemma

Most fitness professionals struggle with getting more clients. In fact personal trainer marketing is the number one program that the industry faces.

It's really not something that you're taught in collage or when you get certified. It's just something you either learn on your own through trial and error or for many personal trainers getting clients is forever a struggle.

 We all want clients. But the way most trainers go about getting them is kind of backwards. What I mean by that is that we try too hard to cater to the prospects needs and pander to their logic.

The big flaw with this method is that people don't always buy that they need, they buy what they want.

And most people don't buy based on logic they buy based on emotion. I know it's hard to believe that but its true.

We all make our buying decisions based on emotion and we justify our purchase with logic. And we all buy what we want and not what we need.

<b>Here's an actual example to help you in your personal trainer marketing endeavor.</b>

How many times have you sat across from a potential clients who was clearly overweight and had medical conditions that exercising would help with. Yet talking to them about their need to lose weight and get healthier only led to them wanting to go home to "think about it".

That very person would have been more likely to buy personal training if you spoke to their emotional side - their wants and not their needs.

For example, simple asking that person why they choose to meet with you may have lead to an answer like; "because I want to lose weight and feel better".

And if you asked why do you want to lose weight and feel better they may have said something like; "because I'm tired of looking and feeling this way."

<b>See how that's more of an emotional answer then the pervious?</b>

And if you pressed on by asking: how do you mean that?" They might say something like; well my kids make fun at me, people stare, and I don't have energy to do the things I once used to."

Then if you pressed on and asked: "describe to me how you want to look, and please be specific" you might get a very specific answer. And that answer is the HOT BUTTON.

It's a matter of peeling the onion and getting to the prospect's real desires, their real reason for being in front of you. See once you identify the real reason they are in front of you they will buy.

Its just human nature... we're al programmed to want to buy the things we want over the things we need. And all buy based on emotion and not logic.

That is the real secret to personal trainer marketing.

[un-nmd]

Recent listening—

The Mothers of Invention, Weasles Ripped My Flesh (1970) Strikes a somewhat psychotic balance between the whimsy of a Ween and the all-out avant of a Beefheart. The musicianship’s all there lest you fear that Zappa’s noisy conundrums were meant to hide a lack thereof—his magic band equivalents are able to don ‘general public’ masks and jam away just like any contemporary fellow, as they do on “Directly From My Heart To You” and “My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama” (note the electric violin on the former). But to those with ears of gentle predisposition: beware, and don’t be fooled, for the joke’s on you. The visceral beasts behind those vaguely satirical eye-holes are let loose more often than they’re contained. Take the two characteristic collages, “Didja Get Any Onya?” and “Prelude To The Afternoon Of A Sexually Aroused Gas Mask”: chaos, yes, but ritualistic chaos; Zappa, wielder of the wild. The sheer number of ideas, themes, and allusions introduced and just as quickly passed over in the space of, for each, less than four minutes, is nauseatingly impressive. E.g. about halfway through the latter, whose title suggests Debussy’s own ...d’un faune, some Satanic call and response gives way to the distant strains of the second subject of the first movement of Tchaikovsky’s Pathétique, over which some madman projects an uncanny valley imitation of a big cat growling—then final tremors from kit and a deep down electric rumbling to close. And if you thought music was one-dimensional (audio, you could argue, perhaps is) wait till you hear Zappa break the fourth wall on “Toads Of The Short Forest” which itself ends on a parodic consonance that’s rich with the same commercial irony of the album’s parting words— “Goodnight, boys and girls”—which follow one and a half minutes of some of the harshest noise you’ll ever hear. If you thought Penderecki was aggressive listen to this and reconsider.

Various artists, Planetarium (2017) You would think that with the extra personnel Sufjan would be somewhat protected from the subsuming ambition that fed Illinois and Adz to over an hour each—or that he’d personally outgrown it, as these mature words here would suggest:

A lot of those flourishes and gestures and aesthetic wanderings on earlier records were smoke and mirrors, a lot of obfuscation that were probably the result of me feeling either inadequate or feeling coy. There’s a lot of role playing and constructing facades.

But the 76-minute run-time indicates otherwise. Perhaps it’s the subject matter. These four gentlemen’s ode to the cosmos is as much about space as it is about substance—by which I mean: aside from the planet portraits they also craft sonic voids to match that of the great vacuum, and call it ‘ambient music’ so its justifiable. Is Muhly to blame? If so, its at least theoretically intriguing for its marriage of post-minimalism and popular music. It makes for dull listening though. You accept it the first couple of times but there’s no way I’m sitting through “Sun” or “Tides” or the “Moon” coda for a third or further. However with “Black Energy” the suspended dissonances are at least something for the ear to work on, and “Halley’s Comet” and “Black Hole” are short enough to accept as outros/intros to tracks preceding/following, with the latter also being interesting for its similarity to certain parts of Badalamenti’s score to Fire Walk With Me. But of the actual songs?—“Jupiter” and “Mars” quickly go from overwhelming to simply overcrafted. Likewise “Earth” is overcome by temporal grandeur, but it is defensible in the same way that the Mahler symphonies are, i.e. gushing Romanticism kills itself yet in doing so also transcends itself. “Pluto” and its interstellar string line provide the appropriate sappiness required of a work named Planetarium. The real gems, however, are “Neptune”, “Uranus”, “Saturn”, and “Mercury”—is it any coincidence that these are also the most Sufjan-esque?

John Coltrane, The Olatunji Concert (1967) This was all the Gods could muster: a cheap, dingy mic, a 30-sec intro, time for two jams with the latter cut off before the final hit—there the master laid down his pen. Like J.S. centuries ago it was, fittingly, on his signature move. Did he know it would be his last live recording? The notion would at least have been entertained as by then he was probably well into the throes of the cirrhosis that would eventually take him. Trane’s apocalyptic final will and testament, the culmination—if only chronologically—of a lifetime’s innovation, comes at you through an otherworldly haze, through cigarette smoke and spirit vapours, through half a century (exactly) of sonic decomposition of tapes that were at a poor enough quality to begin with. All that’s pretty is shed away, left behind for the blind and the shallow to fuck with. This is the primal essence. Trane, on the precipice, delivers a performance of catastrophic immensity. This was no Mahler 9, no sweet surrender—with one foot in the grave he raged.

Deep Puddle Dynamics, The Taste of Rain... Why Kneel? (1999) And re-calibrate again for the emcees in this realm require of the listener a completely different approach. Here the gamut of receptors is tuned less to harmony, instrumental skill, or ‘compositional rigour’ (in the Western art sense), and more to verse, cadence, dialect, timbre, rhythm, and so forth—it’s only empty if you ain’t looking hard enough. And four voices means there’s plenty of variety to go round. The interplay between the distinct bodies to their voices makes them stronger as a unit, à la Tribe preceding. E.g. I don’t think I could handle an entire full-length full of Doseone’s nasal delivery but on this the other three contextualise the texture space he resides in so that his grating-ness means something. (See his entry on “The Scarecrow Speaks”.) Another point of difference between this and the records surrounding: I’ve had genius.com open for probably half my listens. The pace, density, and abstraction of the ideas expounded deserve more comprehension than a fleeting ear’s able to discern; the work is the word, mostly, so read the libretto. We open with Slug: “Descending on the centre / from the outskirts of obscurity”. An apt heads up for such is how you approach the meaning to these tracks, most of which exceed five minutes. Within them the majority of time is spent dealing in Impressionistic strokes of free-verse, free-associative syllables strung streaming out to the potent symbology of, say, a candle flame (as on “The Candle”) or the psychological landscape of a peeling ceiling (as on “Heavy Ceiling”—distant progenitor to Courtney Barnett’s “An Illustration of Loneliness”). However at times a rhyme catalyses the crystallisation of these supersaturated abstractions—here’s Sole towards the end of “Thought vs. Action”:

Man, I once had an idea but it didn’t get me anywhere Read The Art of War when I should have been out fighting Why is it the mass is unexposed to so-called great thinkers until they die? And why do they live in fear Of the fighters afraid to leave their insides?

But wait! Don’t forget ‘compositional rigour’ just yet as a certain hook on the track just discussed, the chant chucking nouns at each crotchet (“catalyst, cataclysm, fallacy, fortitude, medulla...”), appears also on “Deep Puddle Theme Song” and “June 26th, 1998”, albeit with different words, and as different answers to different questions. And formwise you’ve got the partition between the ‘98 tracks and those from June 26th, 1999. There’s a palpable maturation from the former to the latter. In the year of ‘98 they had more answers than questions—see the noun chant above, see the youthful arrogance on “The Scarecrow Speaks” and “I Am Hip Hop (Move the Crowd)”. And even the cynicism that closes #1 has with it a little bit of nihilistic tongue-in-cheek. One year on and they’re a lot more tired of the world. That sly grin’s nowhere to be found on lines like these...

How is it I’m motivated to endure Eight hours of pure unadulterated boredom? Then sit in front of another computer for Four more hours using the same old drum set Trying different loops, can’t find one to fit Maybe this is why I sit in front of a pad of paper, pen in hand with a blank mind And I ask myself Is the writer’s slump the best form of meditation? Rhetorical, don’t have an answer And I also don’t expect one.

...and all that’s left is a deathly wit...

It ain't all love, it's confusion and a waste of time It ain't all time, it's confusion and a waste of love It ain't all waste, it's confusion and some time to love It ain't all confusion, it's love and some time to waste It ain't all that It's all of the above So scared into this And you are And you wonder from the shores how deep the puddle is. 

...borne of the same fin-de-siècle dread that fed Radiohead’s OK Computer.

Alvvays, s/t (2014) Music that’s dense and complex and meticulous will never be difficult to write about, or, for some, even to listen to, because there’s always the task of ascribing theory to composition to hide in. Such an approach, however, can neglect what you might say to be the primary purpose of music: evoking a meaningful emotional response in the listener. This, to trained ears, can be tempered by knowledge and understanding of the underlying theory, but for the most part it is governed by right-brain perception; that is, the Dionysian response as opposed to the Apollonian. For example: I could write about how on “Dives” you can developmentally derive the verse theme from the prelude’s sinister synth line, or about the 3/2 bars on the refrain to the same and how Molly’s melody overlays a 6/4 structure in a sort of inverse hemiola to the colossal opening of Brahms’s 3rd—or, instead, I could write about the sweet, sweet ache I am immediately plunged into upon the first words to the first song (”How / Do I get close to you? / Even if you don’t notice / As I admire you / On the subway”), or the simultaneous melancholy of lyric and uplift of melody on the chorus to “Archie, Marry Me”, or the crack in my heart that accompanies, every time, Molly’s crack up to that high note on “Ones Who Love You”, that velvet vowel vocalise that’s recalled, in spirit, on the final seconds of their latest single when she, unexpectedly, epiphanically, goes up the register to a transcendent 5th scale degree falling to the major 3rd on what itself is a 6-3 on the I, i.e. a first inversion founded on yet another radiant, overtone-heavy 3rd. Point being, who really cares about the details when all you can think about is that it’s making you soar, or in some cases, sore (in the chest).