#I’m like sad now! depressed? like. I kinda don’t feel real

[peapod20001]

Haha don’t pay me any mind oho

[mminu]

5 hours…. finally finished

[minakoainosupremacy]

I’m sad, I’ve had a bunch of fun cool ideas sitting in the back of my head since like new years which I wanted to use for rare pair week, but like life has been kicking my ass so I didn’t have time to even start anything and now it’s over :( guess they will just keep living in my head until next year

[reidrum]

castling | s.r.

A/N: another deeply self indulgent hurt comfort angst who’s surprised…i wrote this kinda fast so if it’s messy and cheesy sorry :/

cw: gn!reader (pls lmk if i missed something that doesn’t make it gn), hurt comfort, mentions of depression, ambiguous sadness, trivialization of chess, inaccurate chess jargon?, spencer is a darling

summary: in which reader finds it hard to open up and communicate their feelings with spencer, so he comes up with an idea to help

wc: 1.4k

not proofread sry

reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! <3

_______________________________________________

It started during a game of chess, when Spencer was showing you different special moves.

“It’s called castling, the idea is that you move the king two spaces towards the rook and then switch their places to allow more protection for your king than if it was in the center.”

“Why would you want to move the king towards the outside, that seems counterintuitive.”

“Smart girl, that’s a good question,” he says fondly, “It’s kind of a last ditch effort in a sense, the rook is essentially expendable but the castling moves the king out of the line from key pieces like the other king and queen.”

“So, it’s like a rescue mission.”

He smiles, “Like a rescue mission.”

You smile back and continue with your next move. Spencer watches you in earnest as you deliberate the best plan of attack, even though he knows he’s gonna let you win by the end anyway.

“How was your day today?” He watches your demeanor change quickly, your shoulders sagging slightly and your eyebrows furrowing. He knew the answer, he’s a great observant and even more so when it comes to you.

“It was…fine.”

“Just fine?” he challenges, moving his bishop.

You nod and move your knight. You’re waiting for him to move his next piece when you realize he’s not looking at the board anymore.

Looking up you see hazel eyes staring right back at you, “Sweetheart,”

“Spencer, don’t.”

He sighs, “You know,” he moves his pawn, “this isn't the first time that you’ve had a hard time communicating with me how you feel.”

A deep sigh leaves you now, it had always been a struggle for you to show emotion so openly to those you love, mainly Spencer. You just didn’t want to worry him with the throes of your mind, and while Spencer appreciated the sentiment he reminded you repeatedly that he’s there for you through it all and just really wants you to take advantage of that.

“I just want to help you, angel.” he says softly, “I can’t do that if you don’t let me in. You don’t even have to tell me what’s wrong, just that something is wrong.”

Tears well up in your eyes, “I know Spence. I—It’s just, saying out loud that I’m—whatever—makes it real. A—And then you get so worried and I get more anxious—“

“Hey. It’s my job to worry about you. Because I love you,” he places his hands on yours, “But, I was thinking what if we had a code word or something, just a single word, and you can say it or text me or anything and I’ll know that you’re not feeling well.”

Your face softens at his proposal. The irony you face is that your brain has convinced you healing can be done alone, that if you’re the one who fucked up the road you should be the one to repair it. While you know logically healing is more effective when you have support, it doesn’t make it any easier for you to accept the help you need, that Spencer feels you deserve.

“I think…that’s a good idea.”

“Yeah?” he replies, “Do you want to pick the word?”

You think about it for a few minutes. You don’t want to do a silly word like banana or chicken, you want something that maybe doesn’t sound serious but would still convey the intent of the code word.

“Does castling work?” you offer softly.

Spencer’s face morphs into something you can’t quite decipher, but to him it’s a mix of adoration, love, and pure empathy for you. He’s just so touched by the fact you want to use that word, after just discussing the significance of that move. It’s an honor that you trust him enough to be your protecting rook.

“Yeah, that’s perfect angel.”

You give a small nod, “Check.”

___

You knew he wouldn’t judge you, that’s the whole reason you came up with this system. It felt like an emergency contact, which it was, but in a “How bad is too bad before I call?” type of way.

Laid down in your bed, you stared at the glow of your phone with your messages with Spencer open. Your thumbs hovered over the keyboard, daring you to make a move.

Nothing even really happened today, it was just one of those periods where you were in a funk. The voices that lingered in your brain fed you disguised truths and cynicism, and it was hard to feel afloat with support when you couldn’t even tell what was pulling you down.

It didn’t matter though, your tear stained cheeks and puffy red eyes amongst the disarray of your room which satirically matched the chaos in your mind were proof enough that maybe, you weren’t okay.

In this moment it would be stupidly easy to ignore it all and wallow in your own sorrow—Spencer was away on a case and you didn’t know when he was coming back.

So in a leap of faith, or perhaps a lapse in judgment, your thumbs twiddle a message out and press send.

castling

You toss your phone aside and try to avoid thinking about it. He’s probably busy, they’re on a case so he’s probably drawing out the geographical maps or maybe he’s on a raid or maybe he’s—DING.

Cautiously grabbing your phone, you slide the notification.

I’m on the plane, going to land in about an hour or so. I need to make one stop and then I’ll come straight to you, okay?

You stare through the blurriness of your eyes caused by your tears, the words blending together. Before the guilt of texting him and making him aware of your depressed state sinks in, another text comes through.

I love you. See you soon, angel.

Another choked sob releases from your throat, and you put the phone down before any more emotions try to infiltrate you. At some point you end up falling asleep on the bed, your body curled in on itself from the lack of warmth a nice blanket or Spencer could’ve provided.

You’re only stirred awake when you feel a soothing sensation on your head, long nimble yet intentional fingers sifting through your hair. You attempt to open your eyes through the thin crust it’s formed from crying so much, and you’re squinting for the first few moments of vision before registering the human in front of you.

“Hi honey.” Spencer whispers softly as you come to.

“Spence…when did you…”

“Just a couple minutes ago,” the hand in your hair comes to rest on your jaw, “How are you feeling?”

Tired eyes finally meet his brown ones and find nothing but reassurance and concern.

Oh. You’ve worried him now.

The last string of resolve snaps as your face crumbles in and you mutter out apologies mixed in with sniffles and sobs. Spencer moves from his knelt position in front of you to slide in next to you on the bed. He gingerly gathers you in his arms and tucks you into his side whispering it’s okay and you’re safe and i’m here.

After a few long minutes your breathing evens out. “You came.” you sniffled.

He pulls back to look at you with watered eyes, “You called. I’m so proud of you.”

You mumble under your breath, “I didn’t even do anything.”

Spencer shakes his head and tucks you right back in place, feeling the floppy fringe of his hair tickling your forehead, “I know a version of you that would’ve held it all in by yourself. Thank you for letting me be here for you.”

You turn your head into his chest further, letting the hot tears and snot stain his nice button up. His hands rub trails up and down your back, his head bent down to your ear whispering sweet nothings to you. With Spencer delicately taking your defenses down maybe you can finally admit to yourself that you were just too soft for all of it.

“Where did you have to stop by?” you wonder.

He smiles and readjusts you against his body, “I picked up Thai food,” “And some candy, sour of course. And there may be a Snoopy stuffie as well because it reminded me of you.”

You feel a different weight on your heart, not one that’s constricting but one that’s embracing, comforting. In a life where you’ve rarely felt taken care of, or even being worthy of that care, you know with certainty that Spencer would never let you go a day without knowing how much love and care you deserve.

[httpsserene]

𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐚𝐥 - 𝐥𝐬. 𝟏𝟖 | 𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫 𝟒𝟎𝟒: 𝐏𝐍𝐅 |

𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫 𝟒𝟎𝟒: 𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 - 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨

summary: if you love her, you have to let her go. who the hell came up with that? content warning: vacation romance. profanity. a couple of suggestive lines. one line of dark humor (toaster bath). fluff and angst. sibling dynamics (bullying). friendship. hard launch (but sad). emotional support esteban ocon (shrugs). heartbreak. this might count as getting together/breaking up. pairing: lance stroll x fem!black!reader

from serene: i feel like i have to reiterate that this does have a happy ending (in the next part). i think my tags are over dramatic asl but, i’m not trying to getting jumped in my inbox for miss tagging anything. also, i know lance isn’t a “popular driver” (whatever that fuckin means) but i’m in love with this smau, and i will not be accepting any judgement xxx

⌕ prev | join taglist | requests & feedback | table of contents | series toc | next ↻

instagram • ynplays • december 14th • cozy in a cabin ⚑

liked by valkyrae, yourbestie, segagenesisthedawg, and 43,879 others

ynplays: falling love with canada🇨🇦🍁🏒⛸️🌨️

tagged yourbestie, segagenesisthedawg, nhl

view comments

ynplays: sega cries after he walks us back to our room at night and leaves 😫

➥ user1: she’s just a liddol girl 🥹

➥ user2: the puppy has spoken u have to keep him i don’t make the rules 🤷🏿‍♀️

➥ user3: so...you have no choice but to run away with him into the sunset.

yoursister: booooo we get it you've been brainwashed by a canadian man 🙄🙄🙄

➥ ynplays: when was the last time you smiled today

➥ yoursister: it's difficult when ALL you do is yap about your crush on this hockey-core man 🤢

➥ ynplays: he gives himbo hockey player IM TELLNG YOU !!!

➥ user4: so he's canadian 😶

user5: his name starts with an L, he's approx 6'0, is brunette with brown eyes, and he's canadian with hockey player vibes👐🏻

➥ user6: i could walk two (2) steps outside of my house in ottawa and i'd run into a man who fits this description 😭😭

➥ user7: he sounds like every other bitch???

➥ user8: let's go through every minor and major hockey league roster again

➥ yourfriend1: "again?" who TF has time for that

user9: tagging THE nhl is crazy 💀

➥ user8: i'm telling you he's a hockey player

➥ user10: idk man he doesn't look like a hockey build in either of these photos🤔

igstory • yoursister uploaded!

[caption1; me and sis] [caption2; fuck. i guess they're kinda cute together 😒]

yourfriend2: did you see them doing snow angels together 🥺🥺☹️ yourfriend2: that had me smiling ngl...they're adorable yoursister: yeah, i'm just happy there's no red flags she's ignoring, he seems like a genuine dude

user11: do you improve of this lance? 6'0, brown eyes, brunette, canadian hockey player 🙂 yoursister: uhh i fear for his life,,are u gonna put a hit on him or smth yoursister: also he is not a hockey player lol user11: oh🫣 yoursister: i'm pretty sure he's like a car engineer or smth? i think i heard him say that

twitter • december 16th

instagram • ynplays • december 16th • sanctuary ⚑

liked by nhl, yoursister, yourbestie, yourmom, and 42,313 others

ynplays: i don't want to leave.

view comments

nhl: not me crying 😩 - admin

➥ user12: huh

➥ user13: nhl admin relatable

yourbestie: aw babe. enjoy your last five days here :)

➥ ynplays: i only have five days left 😟

➥ yourfriend1: oh girlie...it'll be alright

➥ yourfriend2: i always hate this part of the vacation

yoursister: please ask lance if he's willing to take you off my hands. permanently preferably.

➥ ynplays: are you familiar with the term sympathy?

➥ yoursister: oh you're sad for real

➥ yoursister: 😕 therapy session in the hot tub now ladies

➥ user14: this is depressing me

user15: hey, you can just elope? i don't think you've added that to your toolbox yet

➥ ynplays: too sad to even consider it rn

➥ ynplays: nvm he invited me to his cabin later 👅✌🏽

➥ user15: use protection 🙂‍↔️

user16: i feel like this should have a sensitive content warning

➥ user17: my day is ruined

➥ user18: and my disappointment is immeasurable

➥ user19: THERES 104 DAYS OF SUMMER VACATION🗣️🔊

➥ user20: read the room man @/user19

twitter • ynplays • december 21st

instagram • lancestroll • december 24th

liked by estebanocon, chloestroll, astonmartinf1, and 2,109,764 others

lancestroll: winter break has never felt so short. i missed you the second you stepped away from me. happy holidays, baby.

tagged ynplays

view comments

estebanocon: it’ll get better eventually mate ❤️‍🩹 believe it or not

➥ lancestroll: finding it hard to believe rn

chloestroll: come have some hot cocoa with me

➥ lancestroll: yn liked hot cocoa

➥ scottyjames31: oh mate…

➥ user21: okay, i'm concerned for my health. there's some sort of clear liquid leaking from my eyes

➥ user22: FUCK man this is sad 😕

astonmartinf1: chin up lance - admin

➥ alpinef1team: feeling for you mate - admin

➥ mercedesamgf1: sad it ended up like this for you lance - admin

➥ user23: the f1 teams are assembling like the avengers in infinity war for this

➥ user24: an unforgettable day in f1 history

yourmom: fix this. liked by lancestroll

➥ user25: w mama 🤩

➥ user26: tell him ma'am ‼️‼️

yourbestie: thank you for being good to her when you had her

➥ lancestroll: don't thank me for that.

➥ user27: cooking up my toaster bath actually

user30: well this is not the hard launch i wanted to confirm our theory.

➥ user31: brb about to create them in the sims and make them get married and have 6 children, sega, two cats and let them get old together

➥ user: realest cure for heartbreak

user28: no way they decided not being together at all is worse than being long distance

➥ yoursister: that's what i sad but nobody listens to me

➥ user28: why'd they do it???

➥ yoursister: my sister can be incredibly stupid about returned feelings. and for some reason she chose now to "protect her heart"

➥ user29: she deserves her happy ending and needs to allow herself to have it 😭😭😭

twitter • ynplays • december 25th

imessage • lance -> yn

© httpsserene 2024

[bratzforchris]

Hi! I hope this isn't too weird, but I was wondering if you could write a fic where Matt is autistic? I see myself a lot in him and the podcast episode where they kept calling him "Miserable Matt" made me think about myself a lot. So maybe a fluffy hurt/comfort fic where he just gets tired of it because it's something he can't help and reader helps him through it with his special interests? It's okay if not! Thank you 💞

My Person, M. Sturniolo

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*

Summary: In which the best cure for everything is cuddles and special interests<3

Pairing: Matt x gender neutral reader

Warnings: Mentions of autistic meltdown, going nonverbal, Nick and Chris lowkey suck here 😭

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: Thank you for the request! Please remember that my writing is fictional--I am not saying or assuming that Matt is autistic and I definitely don't think Nick and Chris would act this way in real life. It's just a story :) Now, please enjoy 💚

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*

“Miserable Matt” this and “Miserable Matt” that. It was almost sickening the way he was constantly the target of Nick and Chris’s jokes. Deep down, Matt knew his brothers didn’t really mean any harm, but that didn’t make his feelings any less hurt. He never purposely tried to be sad or depressing when they were filming, it was just kind of the way his natural personality was. 

Being autistic, his voice tended to have a flatter affect than most people’s. Even when he was filled with autistic joy, his voice rarely got louder or higher. Usually, his brothers were quite understanding of his disability, always standing up for Matt and making sure he was treated fairly, but then there were days like today, where they were filming an episode for Cut the Camera, and Nick and Chris just couldn’t stop the jokes from rolling off their tongues. 

“I dunno,” Matt said quietly, but with a smile, fidgeting with his hands. “I just like to be alone sometimes. It gives me the creative freedom that I don’t always get from other people, y’know?” 

“Oh here we go again,” Chris snorted. “Miserable Matt back at again with his depression poetry.”

“That’s not poetry.” Matt grumbled, trying to hide the hurt in his voice. 

The triplets were currently discussing where they got their video ideas from, and how they stayed motivated to make content, even when they didn’t feel like it. Of course Chris and Nick had ‘normal people’ answers, like going out with friends or going on vacation. But being autistic, Matt didn’t recharge that way. He preferred to be alone to gather his thoughts and reset his mind. So of course, that was made fun of. 

-`ღ´-

“So, what do you guys think about the edits people make of you?” Nick asked. “Love or hate them?”

“It depends,” Chris shrugged. “Some of them make me think ‘Damn, I’m fine’, but others are kinda…weird. No offense, guys!” he threw his hands up quickly, smiling at the camera. 

“I like them. I think it’s sweet that someone takes time out of their day to edit me.” Matt smiled. 

“Yeah,” Nick groaned. “Cause yours are all sad and depressing and ‘poor baby Matt’ while a song from folklore plays in the background.”

“That is so not true.” Matt protested. 

“‘Poor Matt and his autism’ while some sad song plays in the background. You like it because it validates you.” Chris chuckled. 

“That’s not true!” Matt was starting to get teary eyed, but he couldn’t help it; he was sensitive. “Some of them are nice.”

“Miserable Matt’s gotta watch sad edits of himself to fulfill his aesthetic.” Nick laughed. 

All was silent for a moment, until Matt finally spoke, looking at his brothers with watery eyes. “Why are you guys so mean to me?”

“Matt, come on. We’re joking.” Chris rolled his eyes. 

“But it’s not a joke,” Matt whispered, avoiding their eyes. “You guys use me as the butt of the joke all the time. ‘Matt’s too quiet’, ‘Miserable Matt’, ‘Matt and his anxiety’. It’s annoying, okay?”

“It’s just a joke, Matt,” Nick tried to explain calmly. “We don’t mean any harm.”

“Do you? Because last time I checked, making fun of someone’s disability or mental health problems is harm.” 

“Don’t be like that, bro.” Chris tried to put a comforting, ‘olive branch’ hand on Matt’s shoulder. 

“No,” Matt stood up, throwing his headphones off. “I’m done. Finish recording without me.”

The boy quickly exited the room, leaving a stunned Nick and Chris in his wake. Matt didn’t usually lose his cool like that when he knew the camera was rolling, but he hadn’t been sleeping well lately and the last thing he wanted was a recording of him bordering on a meltdown. Even if it could be edited out, he really didn’t want that immortalized forever. They were embarrassing enough as it was. 

Matt retreated to his room, anxiously playing with the tangle that he kept in the pocket of his hoodie for when he needed a fidget toy. The calm, woodsy aesthetic of his bedroom relaxed him somewhat as he stepped inside his safe haven. It wasn’t enough, though. He needed someone who got it, who knew it was like to feel different. And so, he pulled out his phone, quickly texting you.

Matt: babe, can we go to the park?

You looked up from your book when Matt’s text came through. As an autistic couple, you had set up a ‘code word’ for when either one of you felt like they were on the verge of having an autistic meltdown, and that was Matt’s. You quickly gathered your things, speeding over to the triplets house as Matt sent you a flurry of texts, somewhat describing what had happened.

When you let yourself in with the key they had given you, Nick and Chris looked up, surprised by your entrance. “Where’s Matt?” You asked. 

“In his room.” Chris mumbled, not looking up from his phone. 

You didn’t have the energy, nor were you in the mood to deal with the boys right now, so you quickly pushed past them, hurrying up the stairs. “Can I come in, sweetie?” You asked when you reached Matt’s door, knocking softly. 

You were quite worried about the silence until your phone pinged with a text of mhm from Matt. You realized that meant that he was probably nonverbal at the moment, and you hastily let yourself into the dark room. Matt had drawn the curtains, turning on one small lamp with a soft, orange glow. Your boyfriend was huddled up under his weighted blanket, headphones on and softly stroking Mr. Wrinkleton’s fur. You let out a breath when you noticed that he seemed much more relaxed than when he had first texted you, but that didn’t stop you from missing the tear tracks on his cheeks. 

“Hi sweet boy.” You spelled into his palm as you softly set down on the bed beside him. 

Matt grabbed his communication cards off the nightstand, riffling through them for a moment, before he showed you the one that said ‘Can I have a hug?’. Without another word, you pulled your boyfriend into a deep pressure hug, knowing they were his favorites. They made his body feel perfectly aligned and usually helped calm him after a meltdown. After a moment, Matt pulled out of your grip, slipping his headphones off. 

“We don’t have to talk about it, hun. We’ll work it out with Nick and Chris later, okay? You just relax, baby,” You said gently. “Are you hungry, hun?”

Matt shook his head, grabbing your palm and spelling out ‘I just want you’ in your palm since he didn’t have a card for that. You smiled, placing a kiss on his cheek. This was one of your favorite parts about being a neurodivergent couple. You just got each other in a way that other people didn’t. You could sit in companionable silence and never feel awkward or bored. In your embrace of him, you noticed that Matt had slid a card towards you that read ‘Can we watch nature videos?’. 

One of Matt’s special interests and overall favorite things, was nature, but especially the forest and woodland animals. He could watch the soothing videos of the forest in its natural state for hours and not get bored, which had led you two to make a special card just for that when you were making his communication cards together. Your boy smiled as you stood up, grabbing the remote for his TV, before flicking it to one of Matt’s favorite, ten-hour-long videos of the forest and its animals on YouTube. 

“I love you, babe.” You told him as you both got comfortable under his large weighted blanket. 

‘I love you!!!!!’ Matt explained, showing you a card. 

The extra exclamation points had been at his insistence. He insisted that he loved you more than anyone else and needed you to know that. You couldn’t lie when you said that that had made you smile. You were each other’s first significant other, and Matt made you feel so completely special. Even now, as you laid here together, not speaking but cuddling as you watched videos of chipmunks and deer, you knew that Matt was your person. 

tags ♡: @aemrsy @jake-and-johnnies-slut @oobleoob @mattsfavwh3re @melguilbert @idek3000hi @faygo-frog @mayhem-72

note ♡: if you'd like to be added to my taglist, click here <3

[papercorgiworld]

With you

About Mattheo, Enzo and Theo

You are depressed and struggling to talk about it, but your boyfriend notices something isn’t right and offers you comfort. 

Struggles take many forms and I've had my share, but I've never been depressed. So I hope I did this right and with respect to those who’re going through or went through that struggle. However, as a writer I want to bring words to all things scary and difficult so we might find comfort. So I hope our sweet Slytherins bring you exactly that: comfort. 💛 Sending you all a lot of love!

Warning: depressed reader, but hopeful/sweet ending

– The request –

Hi bestie, im kinda in a v angsty mood and I was wondering if I could request something for Mattheo, Enzo, and Theo (my favorite boys 🥰) having a significant other who has depression and how they’d react and be there for them please?

Also, please make sure you’re taking care of yourself and drinking enough water 💞

– The writing –

Mattheo: I’ll sit with you.

Mattheo stared at you as you flipped through the pages of your book, not managing to focus on reading it, but not putting it away either. He had noticed something, but he had no clue what it was. Lately you just seemed so absent? You smiled and laughed like normal, but it faded so quickly and it saddened Mattheo. “Can I ask you something?” His soft voice makes you look with intrigued eyes. “When Pansy asked how you were earlier and you smiled and said ‘yeah, fine’ were you? Are you… alright?” His question for an honest and real answer catches you off guard and forces you to think about something you had been wondering about yourself. 

“I don’t know.” You pause and there’s a heavy silence. “I don’t feel alright... Like, I’m sad, but not like sad sad more like I’m a dim light that can’t shine.” You explain. You’re surprised you finally manage to put words to the struggle that had slowly taken over your every day.

Mattheo moves closer to you, seeing your pain and wanting to fix it. "We'll find a way to fix it." Suddenly, finally the sobs fall. "Am I broken?" You ask in response to his words. A hurt look shoots through his face. "NO! You're not broken. That's not what I meant." Your tears keep on falling and the agonising sadness you've felt fills the room. Mattheo's heart squeezes in pain, he can almost physically feel your emotional pain. "You're not broken... far from it... and maybe that's the problem." You look up at Mattheo, eyes blurry with tears. "Let yourself fall apart for once. Break just for a moment, let everyone take care of you instead of you taking care of everyone else." Your chest heaves as your tears fall uncontrollably. "I can't break. I can't feel it all. It's too much. It numbs me." Mattheo wraps his arms around you and you curl up into a ball. “I love you.” He whispers as tears continue to roll down your cheeks. 

“I can’t do this anymore. I feel like there’s no light, no air or no life in me.” You manage to confess and he just squeezes you. His eyes get watery as he feels so pained, hearing you say those words breaks him as much as it relieves him to know that at least you’re not hiding it anymore. “It’s like no matter how hard I try I can’t be happy anymore.” You sob and move away from your boyfriend to dry your tears with your sleeve. Mattheo watches you for a second, giving you some space and keeping himself from holding you until all is fine again, until all pain is gone. He knows very well that he can’t magically cure the hurt you feel, he can’t save you or even know what you’re going through. He struggles to find the right words to comfort you. 

“I’m sorry.” You whisper, hating the weight you put on him, feeling like instead of feeling down you’re now also spreading misery, but over Mattheo’s dead body that he’ll let you believe that. He cups your cheeks and brings his face close to yours. “Whatever you’re feeling or not feeling, fear, pain, nothing… talk to me or just come to me and sit with me. Just promise me that whatever struggle you’re going through you’ll fight and search for life in all its bright colours. And that when you need someone you’ll come to me, you’ll yell at me until I see you because I’ll do anything for you! Promise?” You nod gently and Mattheo smiles so brightly that his happiness touches you and makes you sob again. 

“Love, is there anything I can do for you in this moment?” You meet your boyfriend’s eyes and let yourself drown in them for a few seconds. “Sit with me?” You whisper. “I’ll sit with you.” He simply and calmly states, like your request wasn’t that weird at all. He gives you a sweet kiss on your forehead and you both sit in silence, in peace and comfort.

Enzo: I’ll walk with you

Enzo is the light, not just in your life but in every room he enters. Recently you felt like you were bringing him down with your silence, absence and general sadness. You felt like you couldn’t keep up with his energised spirit and therefore weren’t worthy of being around him… or anyone for that matter. So you sought solitude, at least then you didn’t have to deal with the suffocating guilt of ruining everyone else’s joy. However, what you didn’t see was that everytime you excused yourself and left, your boyfriend lost the only light in the room that mattered to him. He had noticed something was going on with you but trusted you would talk when ready. 

After weeks of watching you exclude yourself from every occasion, he felt like you were slipping away from him and it terrified him. Not feeling sophisticated enough to come up with the right words Enzo trusted his instincts and did what he did best, show you an abundance of love. 

When he noticed you had a slow and silent morning. He had your favourite drink in your comfort mug ready for you at breakfast. That half sad, half sleepy smile was worth it.

When you forced a smile and it looked like you were carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders he would bring your favourite snacks by your room. 

When he saw your eyes get teary as you watched the stars he offered you a piece of chocolate.

It was like he was always stocked up with anything that could cheer you up.

You, Pansy and Enzo were walking through the hallways bantering. You laughed at her sassy comments and added some witty remarks, earning a wicked smile from your boyfriend. I love her sooo much! When Pansy announces that she’s got places to be and people to bother, Enzo sees you relax and as soon as Pansy leaves your face falls. You look less happy, but you also look more real to Enzo. That’s when it hit him. Now that Pansy is gone you're not pretending anymore. You are always so brave, being the joyful one for everyone else. What’s going on in that overcomplicated brain of yours? 

A soft sigh escapes your lips, but you immediately cover it up with a smile, but Enzo sees right through it. He opens his bag and searches for something and you narrow your eyes as he makes some goofy sounds. “Almost.” He says, his tongue sticking out a little as his arm fully disappears in his bag. “Got it!” He suddenly pulls out a small plastic bag with sweets and raises his eyebrows giving you a smirky half smile. “For my sweet lady.” He says opening it and offering it to you. You shake your head and chuckle softly, while letting your eyes roll over all the different candies in the bag. “Hey Enz, why do you always have snacks or sweets or random delicious things with you? You’re turning into that trolly lady on the Hogwarts express.” Enzo laughs at that and you reach for a particular coloury one, but then Enzo falls silent for a second. “You want to know the truth?” You frown and nod, surprised that there’s some serious reason behind the seemingly innocent tasty foods. 

“It’s my stupid attempt to make you happy, because I know you’re not… happy.” You’re terrified at what he just said, revealed, about you. I’m not happy…. You knew it was true but it still hurt to hear your boyfriend say it out loud. Your eyes get teary and part of you just wants to run away. “I don’t know what you’re feeling and you don’t have to explain it to me. Just let me try and make you happy or at least make your day a little less sad.” Enzo offers you the candies again, but this time your heart sinks and your stomach turns. “Is there anything I can do?” Enzo whispers and you just shake your head no. “Please?” Enzo begs just above a whisper. You stare in front of you for a moment. “Will you just walk with me?” You finally say and you lazily move your arm in the direction of your common room. A soft chuckle leaves Enzo’s lips and he slings an arm around you. “I’ll walk with you.” You walk together and in silence and that silent walk gives you hope for happiness. 

Theo: I’ll go with you

Your grades had slipped up, but what your professors were mostly worried about was your lack of effort. So it was Dumbledore himself that had ordered you to go talk to a professional. The idea had been bothering you for days as the appointment approached. You were nervously fidgeting with your fingers and Pansy slapped her book on the table in front of you. “Just don’t go. What are they gonna do about it? Your grades don’t have to be perfect and talking to someone sure isn’t going to get you studying again. They should just make these subjects less boring.” Your boyfriend snorted and smiled reassuringly at you. Yeah, how was talking gonna help? You laugh with Pansy and shake off your worries like you always do when you’re with other people. 

However, the day of the appointment you were lost. You didn’t want to go. You didn’t want to talk. Just thinking about what you would say almost made you cry, break down, throw up… you weren’t ready for this, but you were also in need of someone who could reassure you and help you, give you hope that this agonising feeling wouldn’t last. You didn’t know what to do but you also knew that you weren’t in a good place and needed to do something. Theo had just finished quidditch practice and decided to check up on you instead of hang with his friends. He really didn’t put any thought into it, but when he swung open your door and found your crying and pacing around he was grateful that he had decided to come see you. “What-?” He takes a step towards you and he looks so concerned that you instantly wipe away your tears. “I’m fine. Just stressed.” Your shaky body betrays you and Theodore calmly watches you, not saying a thing, just waiting for you to say something. 

You don’t say anything and feel a sudden fatigue fall over you, so you sit down on your bed. Theodore follows you and gently sits down next to you. When he tries to wrap an arm around you you move away to lay down on your bed. “Is it me?” He asks and you shake no, but don’t meet his gaze. “Is it someone I can punch?” Is his next question and normally this would earn at least a faint smile, but nothing. “Is it-” You can’t bear it anymore, his painfully worried voice hurts you and you were already hurting enough. “No. No. It’s no one. It’s nothing. Everything is fine. The world isn’t falling apart. Okay.” You sound agitated, but Theo isn’t shook by your tone at all. “Sure, looks like my world is falling apart.” He states, staring intently at you. Finally you meet his eyes. “I think I should talk to someone.” You whisper utterly terrified of your own words and of your boyfriend's reaction. “Good thing Dumblredore set up this meeting right?” You offer Theo a weak smile. “I’m afraid to go.” You whisper and Theo thinks over your words, taking them very seriously. “Want me to go with you? I’ll go as far as you need me to go.” You feel fresh air rush through your lungs. With one simple suggestion he had offered you so much, but immediately worries take root in your mind. “You don’t have to. I don’t want to bother you with stuff like this.” Theo lets out a soft laugh and gets up from your bed. “You say that like I have better things to do than be with my girlfriend. Come on, get up. I’ll go with you.” You watch him as you still lay on your bed. “I love you.” You whisper as you summon all your strength and get up. 

[huntiesworld]

How long has it been since you slept? | Matt Sturniolo

Matt Sturniolo x Reader

Summary: Y/n and Matt break up due to him being away from her. After months of not seeing each other Matt goes to see her to apologize for his mistake. 

Warning: Crying, sadness, depression. 

Requested?: Nope! 

Author's note: That is my work, Please DON’T COPY MY WORK!! Kinda based on Twilight New Moon. 

The days have blended into an unending blur of gray since Y/n and Matt Sturniolo had parted ways. Her room, once a sanctuary of warmth and light, had become a prison of sorrow. She hadn’t left her room since the breakup. The once vibrant space was now filled with an unbearable stillness, broken only by the occasional creak of the floorboards as she shifted in her chair by the window. 

Y/n sat motionless in her chair, her eyes fixed on the view outside her window. The world beyond was vibrant with spring’s awakening, but it felt distant, like a dream she couldn’t quite grasp. It had been months since she last left her room. Days blurred together, punctuated only by her sporadic tears and the deafening silence that followed. 

She was staring at the blooming cherry blossom tree, a cruel reminder of the day her world fell apart. The tree had been in full bloom that day too, as if mocking her pain. She closed her eyes and was thrust into the memory she had tried desperately to bury. 

You haven’t been good for long 

 —--The day of breakup—-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a bright and sunny afternoon. Y/n and Matt had been arguing more frequently, but she never thought it would lead to this. She remembered the loom in his eyes, the mix of frustration and sorrow as he spoke the words that shattered her heart.

“I can’t do this anymore, Y/n. We’re both miserable, and it's not fair to either of us,”  Matt had said, his voice barely a whisper. 

“But we can fix this, Matt, We can work it out.” she pleaded, tears streaming down her face. “I love you.” 

Is it the sound of your thoughts 

“I love you too.” he replied, his voice breaking. “But love isn't enough anymore. We need to let each other go.” 

She watched as he packed his things, every moment a dagger to her heart. When he walked out the door, it felt like he had taken a piece of her with him. 

—-End of flashback—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/n’s body convulsed with sobs. The pain was raw, as if it had just happened. She clutched her chest, the agony of her broken heart manifesting as a physical ache. She screamed, the sound echoing through the empty house a cry for help that no one would hear. 

Mauve it times to say goodbye 

 Matt stood at the front door, his hand poised to knock when he heard her anguished cries. His heart sank, he had been away for too long, trying to sort out his feelings, and now he realized the depth of the damage he had caused. He fumbled with his keys, finally opening the door and rushing inside. 

“Y/n?” he called out, his voice filled with worry. He followed the sound of her cries to her room and froze in the doorway. 

Y/n looked up, her eyes red and swollen, her face a mask 0f despair. “Matt?” she croaked, barely believing he was real.”

He moved toward her, his heart breaking at the sight of her broken and fragile. “I’m so sorry, Y/n. I never meant to hurt you this much.” 

Cause im getting pretty fucking tired

 She stared at him, a mix of anger and relief washing over her. “You left me, Matt. You left me alone.” 

Matt reached out, gently cupping her face in his hands. “How long has it been since you slept?” he asked, his voice breaking with emotion, “Or eaten properly?” 

She shrugged, the simple gesture feeling monumental. “I ...I don’t know.: she whispered, her voice hoarse from disuse. “Since you left …everything fell apart.” 

You haven't felt right for days

 His face crumpled with guilt and sorrow. “Y/n, I'm sorry. I thought leaving was the right thing to do, but I was wrong. I should have never left you.”  She closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. “Why now?” she asked, the question heavy with the weight of a month's worth of loneliness and heartbreak. 

“I realized I couldn’t live without you.” he said, his voice trembling. “I thought I was protecting you, but all I did was hurt you. I’ve missed you every single day, and when I heard how you were doing, I knew I had to come back.” 

A tear slipped down her cheek, and Matt gently brushed it away with his thumb. “Please, Y/n. Let me help you, Let me make it right.” 

Maybe it times to shut away

She opened her eyes, searching for any sign of insincerity, but all she saw was genuine regret and a desperate longing to heal the wounds he had caused. Slowly, she nodded. “Okay.” she whispered. “But it's going to take time.” 

”I know,” he said, pulling her into a tender embrace. “And I'll be here, every step of the way. I promise.” 

After a while, he gently pulled to her feet. “Come on,” he said softly. “Let's get you cleaned up.” 

He led her to the bathroom, turning on the shower and adjusting the temperature. He helped her undress, his touch tender and careful, and guided her under the warm spray. As the water cascaded over her, washing away the tears and the pain, Matt stayed close, his presence a steady comfort. 

Once she was clean and wrapped in a towel, he led her to the kitchen. “You need to eat something.”  he said, his voice gentle but firm. He rummaged through her fridge and cabinets, finally settling on making a simple meal of scrambled eggs and toast. She watched him, her heart aching with a mixture of love and regret. 

He placed the plate in front of her and sat down beside her. “Eat.” he urged and she took  a small bite, the food tasting like ash. But she ate, because he asked her to, because he was there. 

Cause i've been eating less all day

After she had eaten, Matt took her hand and led her to the bedroom. They lay down on the bed, and he pulled her close, his arms around her. “I’m sorry.” he whispered into her hair. 

“Me too.” she replied, her voice barely audible. 

They lay in silence, the weight of their past hanging over them. But as they held each other, the distance between them seemed to lessen, the hurt beginning to heal. Slowly, they drifted off to sleep, finding solace in each other’s arms. 

------------------------------------------------------

Heres my Monday fic!! Thank you, guys, for giving me likes on my fics. It means a lot to me!!!

[anonymous-dentist]

A tiny little merpepito au for the week

-

Pepito misses Apa Roier. Pepito misses Apa Roier so much it hurts, and Apa Roier is so close! He’s just on the other side of the ship, and Pepito can tug on his shirt and get picked up and held the way Apa Roier used to hold Pepito in The Ocean, but. But he’s sad, and it’s all Pepito’s fault, because Pepito is a Very Bad Pepito.

Every night, Pepito eats dinner at the same table as everybody else. He sits by Pomme, because she’s nice, and by Richarlyson, because Richarlyson is too small to sit at the adult side of the table. But Pomme sometimes leaves her seat and asks her mom to hold her, and Richarlyson always goes to bother his dads. But Pepito… can’t. Because Apa Roier looks so sad when he looks at Pepito, and Pepito might start crying if Apa Roier tells him why.

Tonight, four days after Apa Roier joined the crew, Pepito sits alone and eats Pepito’s dinner. Pomme is with Miss Baghera, and Richarlyson is with Captain Celbi, and Pepito. Is. Alone.

Pepito sits with his head down, and he picks at his food idly with a fork.

He jumps as a plate it dropped in front of him.

He looks up, and there is Apa Roier with a fish bone sticking out of his mouth.

In the Language Of The Ocean, Apa Roier says, “Ayyyy, Pepito! There you are! I’ve been looking for you all day!”

He sits, and Pepito’s hands shake.

“Have you been avoiding me?��� Apa Roier gasps.

Pepito doesn’t like lying, so Pepito almost nods. But then Pepito remembers that he’s a pirate now, and pirates are evil. So Pepito shakes his head slowly.

Apa Roier nods. “Ahhh, I see. You’re just too busy for me now, I get it.”

Pepito’s stomach turns uncomfortably.

“You’re a big Pepito now,” Apa Roier says. “And I’m just an old man.”

He even puts on his old man voice- the one that he does to piss Ama Rivers off that makes Pepito laugh- when he says that, but all Pepito does is put his fork down and stare at his plate with a chilly-feeling heart. He feels bad.

Miss Mouse laughs at the other end of the table. Misters Pacandmike are arguing with Captain Celbi.

Apa Roier is quiet.

Pepito isn’t going to cry. He isn’t!!! He’s a Strong Pepito! And he’s a pirate! Pirates don’t cry, they make people cry!

…Pepito probably made Apa Roier cry. Apa Roier probably broke down the second he heard what Pepito did, all because Pepito did a Very Bad Thing because Pepito is a Very Bad Pepito and and and and-

“Pepito,” Apa Roier quietly says, “I’m not angry.”

What?

Pepito looks up with wet eyes. He makes eye contact with Apa Roier, which honestly makes Pepito feels so much worse because Apa Roier looks kinda depressed with only two eyes. The Sea Witch took his eyes because of Pepito; just one more bad thing that Pepito has done.

Apa Roier gives a small smile. “I don’t know why you ran away, but I’m not angry. I mean, I’m pissed, but I’m not angry, you know?”

Pepito doesn’t know, but he also doesn’t care, because what does Apa Roier mean, he doesn’t know why Pepito ran away? He has to know! He’s a genius!

“BadBoy might be a real fucking creep sometimes, but he brought you to a real good guy,” Apa Roier continues. He glances over at Captain Celbi, his smile turning Weird. “I mean, Cellbit is kind of an asshole and he’s probably going to Hell, but he’s a nice guy.”

“Are you talking about me?” Captain Celbi calls, the same Weird smile on his face. Huh.

Apa Roier rolls his eyes and flips him off.

Pepito’s eyes widen. Apa Roier is so brave! Everybody knows not to mess with Captain Celbi, he’s evil! Mister Mike says so at least once a day!

“But listen, Pepito,” Apa Roier says, looking back at Pepito, “if you think I swam for a month to come and get you just for me to say I hate you or something, then you really are as stupid as your Apa Mariana. Because I-” (He reaches across the table and boops Pepito right on the nose.) “-will never let any stupid human pirates bully my Pepito. Only I get to bully you.”

Pepito’s eyes are starting to water again, dang it. Pepito is a Strong Pepito!

But then Apa Roier looks at Pepito’s plate of food and sighs and starts moving stuff from his own plate to Pepito’s, saying, “Pepito, Pepito, Pepito… You’re allowed to have more than fish for dinner. We’re pirates now, have pirate food. Here.”

And Pepito can’t help it. He missed Apa Roier so much…!

He jumps from his spot at the table and runs around to Apa Roier. He holds his arms up, and Apa Roier clicks his tongue annoyedly, but Apa Roier picks him up with a groan:

“Pepito, what the fuck? When did you get so big, eh? You’ll be taller than Mariana at this rate!”

Pepito is a growing Pepito, Pepito knows this. But he settles down in Apa Roier’s lap, anyway, and he hugs him because he can because Apa Roier doesn’t know that Pepito is a Bad Pepito. He still thinks that Pepito is a Good Pepito even if he is a Pirate Pepito now.

Apa Roier doesn’t know what happened. And Apa Roier never will.

[d3pressed-caffiene-addict]

Hazbin Hotel Ep 5&6 Oh My God (Major Spoilers)

I am having so many thoughts, this is just a brain dump

-LUCIFER. He’s so pathetic I love him

-Jeremy Jordan you fucking legend. I’m a big fan of a lot of his work and was excited to see him in this but I was slightly unsure if he was the right casting since I expected Lucifer to be more of a high and mighty/snobby figure, but with the way they characterised him HE IS PERFECT.

-“TAKE THAT DEPRESSION”

-The Lucifer vs Alastor rivalry is beautiful

-“Ha ha, fuck you.”

-Father figure Alastor

-HIS EARS GO BACK LIKE A CAT WHEN HES ANGRY I CANT

-MIMZY’S ARRIVAL. I know most of us know the lore about her and Alastor being developed as a couple before it was scrapped but I really like how they are in the show

-Even if it’s just crumbs I’m so excited to be getting snippets of Alastor’s lore. It’s wild to keep going back and forth between “aw he actually cares for and protects his friends” and “oh my god he’s a fucking psycho”

-Speaking of that the scene with Husk holy shit. Poor man looked terrified

-The confirmation that Alastor’s also stuck working for someone, it has to be Lilith surely. I know some people will call it predictable because a lot of theories are coming true but personally I think it’s from good worldbuilding/foreshadowing

-ALASTOR IN FULL DEMON FORM JUST ANNIHILATING EVERYONE and then he just goes “Ah that was fun, now back to it”

-I kinda like the parallel between Al and Mimzy & Angel and Cherri where they invite their friends to join them if they want to, even if neither of them take it up initially maybe we’ll see them join the hotel in the future?

-BABY CHARLIE

-I really expected Lucifer to be a dickhead and a shitty dad, but he seems to be an overall better guy than most people in hell

-CHERRI BOMB ARRIVAL! And she’s Aussie now fuck yeah represent

-I still love her and Angel’s friendship even if she is a terrible influence. Everyone’s got that friend who’s solution to a bad day is just self-destruction but they mean well at least

-DARREN CHRIS TOO, THE MUSICAL THEATRE/BROADWAY ACTOR CASTING IS STACKED

-Emily is so sweet I love her

-The Molly cameo is so sweet, I was waiting for her to appear somewhere but lowkey forgot she was in heaven. Honestly though how did she get there when the rest of her and Angel’s family got condemned for what they did together? Maybe she left the mob or something idk I just hope we get to meet her properly at some point

-Heaven’s real fucked up? Yeah not shocked

-VAGGIE?? FALLEN ANGEL REVEAL?? AND SHE WAS AN EXTERMINATOR???? I know most of us called it but holy shit I didn’t expect it to be confirmed this soon

-Adam is such a dick but he’s so much fun

-I love that Charlie was gonna start her court presentation with definitions like a high school essay

-“Consent is a good name for a sex club” the gentleman Husk truthers gonna have fun with this one

-Pentious hitting on Cherri is hilarious and totally not the same level of subtlety I flirt with when I’m drunk

-Hearing more and more about how Val treats Angel is so sad especially with how casually he talks about it since it’s just another day for him

-Him parenting drunk Nifty is beautiful

-“You wanna play with the kitty?”

-Valentino is my #1 enemy

-Seeing Angel stand up to him to protect his friends is making me feel feelings. Like he knows that he’s gonna be treated even worse for it but I think he’s reaching his tipping point and shits gonna go down soon

-Also I know there’s a popular theory that he’s gonna die soon and a lot of the theories are coming true so I am scared. I kind of don’t think this one’ll happen though since he’s the fan favourite and its just too soon to take that much of a risk. Plus Vivsie’s admitted he’s the best written character and it’d be such a waste of all that development

-More sweet moments between him and Husk, they’ve gotten me so invested in this ship so fast

-The fact that most of heaven didn’t know about the extermination?? Wild

-Idk how I feel about the timeskip between Ep 4&5, they’re only a month away from the extermination now. Yes it’s making the stakes feel higher but I do wish we’d been able to see more of that time for the relationship development, all the characters seem much closer than before and we’ve only seen bits of how they got there

-I really wish they’d greenlit more than 8 episodes to pace things a little better but I’m glad we have season 2 confirmed

-That last minute ‘reveal Vaggie’s past to Charlie, boot them out of heaven and then cut to credits before she can react’ is gonna torture me until next week

-I don’t disagree with past criticism that Vivzie’s female characters can feel a bit underwritten but I think it’s getting better

-“We’re coming to the hotel first” plus all the theories that someone’s gonna die are fucking stressing me out man

Anyway hope you enjoy the brain dump, this show has once again consumed my thoughts

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

ep 1. but i’ll miss you | myj, jjk

sugar, spice, and everything nice ep 1. but i'll miss you.

pairing(s): yoonji (fem!myg) x reader x jungkook

summary: Sugar? Min Yoonji. Spice? The woman at the park. Everything nice? Jeon Jungkook (he is freaking annoying, though). The accidental chemical X? Well, the woman in the park that Min Yoonji finds incredibly attractive is kinda-dating-definitely-fucking Jeon Jungkook. And he's very obviously in love with her.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; Yoonji is pansexual and still in the closet; internalized homophobia + moments of gay panic; ft. best friend group, OT6 (specifically Kim Seokjin, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung during the bowling hangout), best friend!Jung Hoseok is at military service (sad); f/f/m love triangle? slow burn; there will be smut in the future; non-idol!AU - Yoonji's POV

set in South Korea, Karrot is resale app for clothing, furniture, etc

--

“What does it taste like?”

That mere smile sent chills down her spine.

“Sweet.”

There was nothing to say to that. She looked away, not wanting to look into those eyes anymore. Didn’t ask for a bite. It wasn’t hers. It seemed to be a homemade dessert of soft silken tofu and heavy ginger syrup. The kind of sugar syrup that was heavier than the tofu. The dark viscous liquid dripped between the cracks of puffy white, seeping into the decadence, similar to the way those scorched eyes seemed to see past any defense Min Yoonji had.

She didn’t know how she got into this position, yet here she was.

Sigh.

Inwardly, she wished her best friend Jung Hoseok was here. He wasn’t because he was busy fulfilling his service of being a Korean man. Hmph. Well, Yoonji could have come alone. She had done it before. She was tough enough. But something about this this had given her a bad feeling, so she had asked if a friend could accompany her to help pick up the light fixture that she had found on Karrot.

That friend being Jeon Jungkook.

Shit, Yoonji really fucked up asking Jeon Jungkook.

“I’m sorry, noona, but something came up! I messed up my knee. I’ll send my friend instead. Don’t worry. You’ll be safe!”

Now she was sitting here on this park bench with the…

Woman.

Really, Yoonji didn’t even know her name. She knew her face, of course. Seen it enough times. Had never once thought to ask her name, mostly since Yoonji only saw her from a distance, said woman now often leaving Jungkook’s side whenever their friend group made time to meet up. Everyone teased him, your girlfriend? And this young, tall, tattooed punk would grin and not say anything. Jungkook was incapable of lying.

Just “keke,” and that was that.

Yoonji didn’t like it.

She was the only girl in her friend group. Probably equated to some internalized discourse if she bothered to go to therapy about it. But, during the time that she had been able to talk to a professional, she had kept the conversation about other people gender-neutral and without names. At the time, her relationships with others were all affected by her disconnected and toxic relationship with herself. She had to fix that first before moving forward. Back then, she had been suffering from the common syndrome of being depressed, stressed, and well-dressed.

Yeah.

Those rough years were not that funny, but at least Yoonji could joke about it now.

Anyway, about this woman.

This woman had actually showed up before her, sitting gracefully at the agreed-upon public park bench that Yoonji would soon encounter some stranger for an industrial-looking black chandelier that may or may not be real. The replies had been in broken Korean. Probably a foreigner using a translator. There was probably nothing to worry about, but the messages had been… weird. Asking about what Yoonji was doing after and such. No, she didn’t like it, and so she had asked Jungkook to accompany her. Dude looked like a tiger, his stripes being his multiple tattoos and facial piercings, but he had the soul of an adorable and vigorous bunny. Wouldn’t hurt anyone. Looked the part just in case anyone got the wrong idea. Boxed as well, for fun. But, instead of Jungkook, Yoonji was sent this woman who came with her snack of sweet tofu, silently and unashamedly eating it with a foldable spoon at the opposite end of the park bench.

Jungkook’s woman?

Who cares.

Was this worse or better than that punk? They dressed similarly, to be honest. The spoken-of woman was wearing all black. A baseball cap with an upside-down smiley face, leather jacket with matte-black metal spikes, charcoal baggy jeans, and a tight crop top with some kind of insane, probably satanic pattern on it. Yoonji snuck a peek. Circles and runes and horned devil heads, glossy print on fabric. Yup, downright hellish.

She abruptly realized she was staring at another woman’s tits and looked away immediately.

Clothed, but still.

This woman also sat like an insane person. Legs wide open compared to Yoonji’s crossed ones. Relaxed stance with a completely straight back. Refined and uncouth at the same time. It made no sense. Her hair curled around her shoulders and chin, loose and messy and intensely sexy.

She adjusted her cap and Yoonji darted her eyes around the park.

Looking for the seller.

Obviously.

Yoonji came dressed as she normally did. Comfortably, in a loose beige hoodie and similarly baggy slate blue jeans with rips in the knees. She wasn’t going to dress up for some musty dude and his lighting fixture, and definitely not for Jeon Jungkook. And not for Jungkook’s, uh…

Girlfriend?

Meh.

There was a strange shiver fluttering in her ribcage. Unease of being underdressed somehow, even though they were simply meeting up for this very specific task. They had not agreed to go anywhere after. Perhaps she would help carry the chandelier. Presumably it was broken down and in its box. Allegedly. Still, the box could be heavy. Yoonji checked her phone. Not time yet. Five more minutes. She had the brief thought that it could be possible for the seller to be late due to transporting a larger package. Awesome. Couldn’t wait for this continued awkward silence with her soft tofu devourer.

She sensed movement by her side.

The woman capped the now empty glass cup with a black plastic lid, foldable spoon inside it, and slipped the whole thing into her small backpack. She shoved it back to her side. Yoonji noticed there was photocard holder attached to it. She couldn’t see the artist since it had flipped around. The other side was black with some grey text on it. There was also a black strap with a grey flame hanging off the photocard holder. Huh. Seemed like she liked idols. At the very least music in general. Yoonji wanted to ask, but that seemed weird to bring up now.

“Jungkook tell you how he busted his knee?”

She almost jumped at the throaty, silken voice. Stopped herself. The other woman cleared her throat, her brows furrowing. It must have been due to the ginger syrup. Even with the slight distance, Yoonji had been able to smell the intense strength of the spice.

“Uh… no, he didn’t.”

The cap bobbed. “Hm. Good.”

Good?

Yoonji frowned. “What do you mean, good?”

Light shrug. “I can help you carry the box back to your place. I gotta head that way to go to the fitness store.”

The fucking one-eighty in topic didn’t throw Yoonji off in the slightest. She said enough by saying nothing. Yoonji watched the way those shaded eyes remained forward, not lifting her shoulders from the bench. Then those dark orbs shifted and suddenly Yoonji was stuck in a penetrating gaze with faint smile, feeling as if she knew something but didn’t really know it.

Those full lips were beautifully shaped.

Anyone would think that.

She bit her lip. Say something. “Why do you need to go to the fitness store?” Yoonji asked, chewing the dead skin off. It was a bad habit. Didn’t usually happen unless she was stressed.

The woman raised her hand. Graceful fingers. Neatly manicured nails. Dark purple with a cobalt blue shimmer. Could be a pianist’s hands, if it wasn’t for the almond-shape of those nails. Yoonji felt her own fingers tuck into the sleeves of her hoodie. She didn’t usually paint them. Kept her nails short due to her job, repairing and selling guitars. Of course, she was no poser and played them too. Sometimes, though, she thought about trying those fancy manicures girls had.

Then she remembered that wasn’t like her at all.

“I have carpal tunnel, so I have wrist compression braces. They’re getting kinda ratty. I wanted to buy some new ones.” She laughed, in a naughtily cheerful, almost bratty way. It was stupid attractive. “The people in the shop probably think I’m lifting weights but, nope. Just feeding my gaming addiction.”

Her eyes flickered up and down, checking out the other woman’s frame. Yoonji couldn’t tell the size of her arms but a vague assessment could be made from those thin pretty wrists and previous knowledge when viewing from afar. “You don’t look like you lift weights.”

“Hey, I’ve got some muscle.”

And much to Yoonji’s surprise, the woman brushed off the right shoulder of her leather jacket and flexed her arm, showing off the small hard lump of a bicep with a laugh. Not much there at all yet undoubtedly defined. She even smacked it with her left hand for sarcastic emphasis, and then pulled her jacket back on smoothly with a smirk.

“Only got that from jackin’ dick though.”

It was pretty funny, but Yoonji wasn’t laughing.

She was slack-jawed at the ease of vulgarity and the shameless confidence oozing out of every pore, suddenly realizing the reason why Jungkook was with this woman. Her rapid heartbeat choked her throat as her brain mentally replayed the swift, seamless movement of black leather falling off that slim shoulder. That accompanying playful smirk. The devious mirth in those scorched eyes.

That aggressive smack that did… something.

At that second, there was a cheery jingle that sounded from the woman’s jeans.

“That’s the time you said the seller is supposed to be here,” she said, fishing out her phone and turning off the alarm. “Where is he?”

Grateful for having an excuse to look away, Yoonji aimlessly swiped at her phone screen to keep her hands busy. “Let me check my messages.” Not getting flustered about it. Definitely not.

She had to face reality.

She’s straight.

At any rate, this woman and Jungkook were undeniably fucking. There was no question about that. Too many times it felt like Jungkook was arriving at the gatherings with a big grin and better mood after being seen with her. That was the face of a man getting laid, for sure. Whatever. Yoonji didn’t care about her friends’ dating or sex lives. It wasn’t her business. Most of the time the girls weren’t even her type.

Most of the time.

Not that she had a type. Or anything.

In this current season of life, she had already come to terms with her sexual orientation. Yoonji had known all her life that she was who she was. There had been no internal struggles about if it was true or not. It was. Still, there was no reason to directly say anything to anyone about it. After all, so far she had only dated and had sex with men. Most of her friends were men too. Status quo could remain since there was no good reason to challenge it. She also wasn’t the type to act on impulse. Not with the delicate line that was this. Yoonji had mentioned it to Hoseok at some point. Being the smart man he was, Hoseok had advised that her sexuality was something she didn’t have to broadcast if she didn’t want to. But, if she needed to do that to feel like herself, then he assured her that their friend group would be accepting of whatever choice she made.

And if not, he would kick them out.

She had felt very appreciative about that. However, the topic of her sexuality never came up in conversation with her friends, so Yoonji had never voiced or alluded to anything about it to the other guys. It wasn’t necessary, so she remained in her comfortable little bubble. She had not yet felt compelled to search for a community or meet specific people. It seemed troublesome. She was content with her current friends and her daily life kept her busy. Besides, there was no one to risk it for.

Certainly not for Jungkook’s…

Um.

Friend-with-benefits.

“What did he say?’

Yoonji jumped as the woman scooted closer, indicating her screen with the open Karrot app. She looked down, the realization setting in.

“The… The profile is deleted?”

The sudden annoyance and rage overpowered any uncomfortable feelings. Listing disappeared. Profile deleted. Even the in-app messages erased because the seller didn’t exist. The fuck? Ugh, that deal was too good to be true. It didn’t even exist. Must have been a cowardly creep that was watching them right now and lost his nerve since Jungkook’s friend was here perched like a bird of prey. Yoonji felt a growl boil in her chest. All this for nothing.

“Aw, man, it was fake? That sucks.”

Holy fuck, she smells good.

Like warm coffee with a sensual depth.

Wait, what?

“Hm, well, I won’t bother you any more then. I’ll go some other time to the fitness store. These things happen,” the woman sighed in disappointment, standing up and stretching, her small backpack and photocard holder swaying. Some guy in a leather jacket. At the moment, Yoonji was too furious to note who the idol was. “Get yourself something nice to eat, Min Yoonji. You’re already out.”

She frowned.

“Hey, I never caught your name.”

Those predator eyes flickered back. “Oh? I figured Jungook would tell you.”

Why is she playing games? “It never came up,” she snapped back.

That fucking smile.

Yoonji hadn’t known it then, but she had already fallen down the rabbit hole at this point.

“Ah, don’t get mad at me. I just thought it was kinda funny Jungkook would keep it from you. Wonder why.” Light shrug with her thumbs slipping into her pockets. “I should teach him to have better manners. My name is…”

-

“Come hang out with us, noona. It’s okay.”

“No, no, I don’t want to intrude. I would only be in the way.”

“But I’ll miss you.”

A small, coy smile. An elegant hand reached up and tucked a bit of black hair back under the beanie. The smile grew wider as those manicured fingers lingered by an ear adorned with five lobe earrings. A chain connected the first and last in the line. Flashy for someone who didn’t have a flashy personality – at least, not to strangers.

Min Yoonji watched Jeon Jungkook wiggle childishly, tugging on the sleeve of a black denim jacket covered with gothic patches. Skulls and cats and devils. Shit like that. When the woman stood next to Jungkook, they visually suited each other well. The younger man wore a grey beanie, a loose black silk shirt patterned with flourishing white text tucked into baggy, ripped jeans, and a simple black belt. Chunky black boots that matched the chain-covered heeled ones his companion was wearing. Underneath the patch-covered denim jacket, she wore a tight-fitted, dark grey jersey minidress that showed off her attractive and clearly feminine figure.

She knew she shouldn’t, and yet Yoonji still lingered by the other side of the bus stop LED advertisement, eavesdropping on the conversation between Jungkook and his mystery-title friend.

The stop was located right outside the brightly-lit bowling alley that she was supposed to be meeting her friend group at. Uncharacteristically, Yoonji had ended up late due to a train delay. She had skipped the bus ride and had run to her destination. There had also been reports of a minor road accident and Yoonji wasn’t going to wait any more. Besides, she had worn sneakers, jeans, and a white hoodie, along with a black ball cap with some distressed detailing. Nothing fancy.

Or ladylike.

She was meeting a bunch of dudebros anyway.

“You know, most guys would be happy to ditch an annoying girl to hang out with their friends,” the woman was saying, chuckling as Jungkook swung her arm in an arc.

“But you’re not annoying,” he was saying, spinning her around as if they were dancing. “Ah, I don’t even wanna go bowling anymore…”

The woman poked Jungkook on the side of the head, still letting him tug her around. How bothersome was that? But she acted as if he was being totally normal and not causing a bunch of passerby stares. “Don’t be like that. Besides, you have an addiction.”

And then, much to Yoonji’s surprise, Jungkook dropped the woman’s hand and reached out to hug her.

Except his hands were on the woman’s ass.

Yoonji frowned.

Idiot.

“Mhm, I do…”

“Get off me,” the woman laughed, her hands cradling his head. Yoonji got the impression that she didn’t mean it in a cruel way, especially since she was feathering kisses over Jungkook’s cheeks. Or it sounded like that. Her current angle wasn’t great. “If your friends see, they’re gonna tease you.”

“Who cares? They’re just jealous.”

No, I’m not.

She hadn’t said it out loud and yet Yoonji tensed, feeling heat rush over her cheeks.

Never mind.

“Aww, okay, okay, I’ll go now. I can come over tomorrow night, right?”

A wonderful, exasperated laugh. “Don’t you have work? You need to sleep.”

“Sleep is for the weak,” Jungkook huffed, detaching himself and backing up. “I’m gonna come over.”

“And I’m not gonna stop you. See you, silly boy.”

She yanked her body back behind the advertisement as Jungkook grinned and ran off into the bowling alley. He wasn’t the type to walk like a normal human being. But who cared about that? What did Yoonji just witness? Of course, she had seen her friends in relationships before. The handsome and elusive Kim Taehyung had maybe one or two serious relationships. The ever-so-flirty Park Jimin was notorious for dating around. Educated literary fiend Kim Namjoon had a girlfriend for a long while. It had ended badly. Her best friend Jung Hoseok had friends of all genders and various stages of depth in those relationships. Hoseok himself was protective of his heart but not opposed to giving love. As far was Yoonji knew, goofy and well-off Kim Seokjin hadn’t dated yet, however, she wouldn’t be surprised. That worldwide handsome face constantly attracted people.

And Jeon Jungkook?

He had the bad boy look, but never got close to anyone. He flirted, relentlessly, but always backed out when it got serious. All that looked pretty damn serious to Yoonji, though. That was good. Right?

Except.

It was early evening, but Yoonji felt strangely cold.

Shouldn’t I be happy for him? What’s wrong with me?

“Eh?!”

The gasp cut through her thoughts and she jumped back, startled, snapping her head up to…

Oh.

“Min Yoonji?”

Oh, shit.

Her lips were moving. Nothing was coming out. That was very unlike herself, what is wrong with me, her cheeks blaringly warm, and Yoonji finally got her name out, bluntly, instinctively tipping her head in respectful greeting while also feeling the dire need to hide her face.

“Oh, shit, my bad. I freaked you out, huh? Sorry. I didn’t expect to see you on the other side of the bus stop. Did you only just get here? Jungkook already went inside,” the woman was saying, and Yoonji found she couldn’t look her in the face for some reason.

I know. I mean, what?

“Sorry, again. Uh. You’re standing in front of the schedule. Huh. Looks like there’s a delay.”

What the fuck is wrong with me?

“My bad,” Yoonji quickly mumbled, sliding to the side. “You came here with Jungkook again, huh?”

A pause.

Why did I say it like that? Yoonji winced, resisting the urge to slap some common sense into herself. She lifted her head, realizing the way her tone must have sounded, searching for the woman’s expression under the brim of the cap. Something flitted over those features. As soon as it was faintly visible, the unknown emotion was gone, replaced by a faint smile. Wisps of wild hair casted shadows over those cheekbones due to the oncoming sunset. People were rushing past. Conversations, purposes, desires, but suddenly all Yoonji could see was the endless darkness of those scorched eyes framed by smoked lashes.

“Do you like Jungkook romantically, by chance?”

What!

“No!”

The word shot out of her mouth with such force that Yoonji backed up, shocked at her own reaction. The other woman looked taken aback, tilting her head, and there was no way to save this situation, stuck, frozen in this mortifying moment, completely forgetting her previous engagement.

Those plush pink lips looked like they had been kissed all night.

By Jungkook?

A sting dug deep into Yoonji’s heart.

“Oh, I thought…” An awkward laugh, and the woman readjusted the black strap of her bag over her chest. “I got the impression you didn’t like me because I’ve been stopping by with Jungkook lately. My bad. Didn’t mean to ask so bluntly like that. It was on my mind, though. I should get going. Have a good evening, then.”

A gentle wave.

A turn.

And before she knew what she was doing, Yoonji reached out and grabbed that denim sleeve.

“Wait.”

Those scorched eyes full of shadows returned and she found herself breathless at the sight of them.

She had to force herself to speak.

“You should come bowling with us. I’m always the only girl. It would be nice if…”

The goosebumps danced all over her skin. It was like asking someone out of a first date, except this person actually made her nervous and there was going to be a bunch of other people there, including the one was she probably actually dating.

“Would be nice if you hung out with us too, sometimes.”

Yoonji knew she should have added, Jungkook would be happy to see you. She didn’t for some reason. No, she knew the reason, but she bit back those thoughts and let go of that sleeve, not wanting to be too pushy about it. Chewed on her lip, peeling away at dry skin. The other woman seemed to contemplate for a second and shrugged, chuckling.

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll go with you.”

It was at this moment that Yoonji knew.

She fucked up.

Too late now.

-

It wasn’t that bad.

There was some confusion, yes. Introductions, casual banter. Yoonji noticed that Jungkook seemed both surprised and a little hurt. What for? But then the woman went to stand next to him and whispered in his ear. He seemed much more satisfied after that. Yoonji busied herself with paying and picking out the right size for her bowling shoes. It was dark in here. Minors were no longer allowed since the bar was opening. The alleys were lit up with scattered color. Mood lighting. Jungkook loved that shit.

Yoonji noticed that they didn’t hold hands.

Interesting.

The women paid and was handed the beige and black bowling shoes. Their group was smaller today, just Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook, and Seokjin. Honestly, Yoonji would have dropped out if Seokjin wasn’t coming with. The other three were younger and they were noisy. Kim Seokjin was loud as fuck too, but he was reasonable and matched Yoonji’s energy when she was feeling drained of the other three. The woman was chatting with Seokjin. They seemed to know each other to some extent. Why does everyone seem to know you but me? That wasn’t a fair assessment. Taehyung and Jimin were jostling Jungkook around, teasing him probably. They didn’t seem as familiar with her.

Hm.

The next notable moment was when they were sitting down and changing shoes. Yoonji glanced over, seeing her unzip her boots. Normal. Shifting line of vision. The hem of that tight dress was hiking up those soft thighs. Well, she hadn’t dressed to go bowling, after all.

Yoonji paused, wondering if she should say something.

Then, all of a sudden, Jungkook’s jean-covered butt was blocking her vision.

Hey!

Clicked her tongue, busying herself with the shoes. He didn’t have to do that. Nothing was happening here. The music was so loud that Yoonji found she couldn’t hear their conversation. Annoying. Until…

“Oh! You have Gengar socks!”

“They’re cute! Is Gengar wearing a pumpkin? Haha, it’s not Halloween though!” Taehyung was laughing.

“Aw, who cares.? You can’t see them anyway,” Jungkook’s lady was chuckling, yanking on the bowling shoes. “It’s Halloween every day in my heart.”

“I didn’t know you liked cute stuff, noona,” Jimin teased. “You seem so tough, but you’re a big softie, huh? Of course, you must be if you like our Jungkookie!”

“Bleh, shush,” came the exasperated sigh and hand wave. “The real tough one is Seokjinnie over here for putting up with you guys.”

Yoonji frowned. The two of them must be somewhat familiar for her to address Seokjin with such familiarity. It came up in conversation later, after a few strikes and pleas with a higher power to give Jimin better aim (no higher power answered but Taehyung did accidentally bowl for Jimin, uh huh). Apparently, Seokjin and Jungkook’s friend had met online through an online team-based game. Yoonji didn’t play video games because she wasn’t good at them. At least, compared to her friends. She was fine with watching though.

“You’re doing great today. You must have eaten something good.”

Yoonji gave Seokjin the side-eye. “Or maybe you’ve gotten worse. Online video games aren’t the same as a physical sport.”

“Hey! It’s all hand-eye coordination. Same, same!”

“At this rate, even Jimin will overtake you.”

Seokjin’s handsome face twisted in indignation. He had the kind of facial features that were model-envy if he wasn’t contorting them to some ridiculous expression. Like right now. “He cheated and made Taehyung bowl for him!”

“I did not!”

“Oh, really?”

She ignored their squabbling, only to freeze up once she realized who was sitting next to her.

“I’m pretty sure I’m doing the worst right now,” came the wry chuckle. “Thankfully, Jungkook shielded my pride and typed in Gengar instead of my name.”

“You’re doing okay,” Yoonji said quietly, glimpsing to her left. She caught the scent of something warm and tangy. Perfume.

O… Oh.

“That’s very nice of you to say, but I’m fifty points behind Jimin.” A sigh. “I think it’s my manicure. I should cut my nails a bit. They’ll grow back.”

Then, much to Yoonji’s surprise, the woman leaned over and unzipped her bag, moving things around.

“W-Wait, really?” Turned and she really was pulling out a small silver nail clipper and a cerulean blue glass nail file. “It’s just a bowling game. It’s not that serious.”

The other woman craned her head and lined up her the nail of her middle finger with the clipper. “Yeah, but I’m not really trying,” she was saying. Snip! “I don’t really like that. if I’m gonna lose, I should at least lose trying my best.”

Yoonji watched in stunned fascination as the woman trimmed down her black cherry manicure on three nails on what seemed to be her dominant hand. Middle finger, ring finger, and thumb. Only those. She left the index and pinky in their pointed almond shape. She held up her hand after, graceful fingers spread out.

O-Oh.

“I… I’m going to the bathroom for a sec.”

“Oh, okay, I’ll–”

But Yoonji didn’t stop to listen, walking away quickly, quickly, into the women’s bathroom and closing the stall door, doing nothing but immediately pinning her back to the door and exhaling hard. Ragged. Rough. What is wrong with me? She knew what was wrong. Yoonji placed her palms over her mouth and forced out another breath. There was flushing and water splashing and currently popular pop music drowning out the more unpleasant noises, but Yoonji was too busy trying to calm down the screaming in her head. This was bad. This was really bad. She had watched enough girl-on-girl porn to know… No. Obviously, Jungkook’s friend was going to clip the nails of her middle and ring finger. Those were the ones to hold the bowling ball. There was nothing more to it.

Just a coincidence.

Don’t be delusional.

This would be much easier if it was a man. Yoonji knew how to be cool and calm when it came to guys. Besides, the male mindset was too airheaded to pick up on subtlety anyway. But, what if a woman could…? She had already caught on to Yoonji acting weird earlier. Even thought she had romantic feelings with Jungkook. Pfft. Absurd. That kid was grown up now, but he was still only a bright-eyed eager bunny. No amount of tattoos or piercings would ever turn Jeon Jungkook from prey to predator, although he could look the part with enough working out. Jungkook was certainly her type when it came to looks but as far as personality, Yoonji was sure she would be worn out by Jungkook.

Wait.

Yoonji froze.

What?

She pushed her hair back. Another tick that happened due to her nervousness. Ha. Haha. I did not just think that about Jeon Jungkook. No. No, no, she was simply confused. That was all. Confused and working though who-the-fuck-knows-what. No. This had to stop. You have to compartmentalize this shit. This couldn’t keep happening. Stop acting weird. Pull yourself together. When it came down to it, Yoonji had to step out of this stall and chill the fuck out.

She couldn’t let it show.

Nobody is stopping you from getting off to her later.

Yoonji told her brain to shut up and left the stall.

-

Once their bowling game was over, the adults moved on to bigger and better things.

“You want the Gengar, right?”

“I don’t want anything. I don’t trust these things. Don’t waste your money.”

“Don’t be like that, noona. She totally wants the Gengar,” Taehyung talked over her, shoving in tokens so Jungkook could attempt the claw machine. Jimin stood at the far corner of the machine and pointed animatedly, calling to move a little more left, no, right, no, back more. Seokjin snorted at him to shut up. Yoonji watched as Jungkook failed, his broad shoulders dropping heavily as the round bright purple plush slid out of the metal claw and plopped back into the mound of colorful plushies, face-first onto its teasing red eyes and big grin.

“One more time,” Jungkook insisted.

“You don’t–”

She watched the younger man turn to the woman and pull a big pout. There was an exchanged glance between them. A muscle in Yoonji’s face twitched. This had been Jungkook’s third time trying to get something from the claw machine. Their group was crammed in a corner of the arcade in the bowling alley, a couple drinks in, squabbling for a damn Gengar plush for their newcomer. It wasn’t the situation that was bothering Yoonji, but rather how adamant Jungkook was that it had to be him winning it.

This guy is so freaking annoying.

Yoonji reached between their bodies and jammed her own tokens in.

“Go ahead, then.”

She shoved Jungkook’s shoulder and broke the shared gaze between him and his lady friend. Jungkook snapped his head to the machine, startled as the lights flashed and the red timer came on, letting out a surprised yelp as he fought to move the clunky claw back to the faceplanted Gengar.

He had never tried so hard before for his other friends.

Hmph.

“Oh, shit! YAH!”

“LET’S GOOOOOOO!”

“Taehyung, stop yelling!”

“Well, shit. You did it.”

“I told you I would,” Jungkook roared triumphantly, yanking out the purple Pokémon plush and holding it up like a prestigious award. “Da-dang!”

“Fourth time’s a charm?” she laughed as Jungkook grabbed her hands and spun them palm up to delicately rest the incredibly round Gengar plush on them. Yoonji noticed he didn’t linger and pulled away quickly. “Thank you, then, haha.”

Seokjin, Jimin, and Taehyung were acting like Jungkook had just won a damn rice cooker on a prestigious game show, crowding around him and giving him high fives. Yoonji shook her head, glad it was over, and felt a hand on her shoulder. Froze as she looked up to scorched eyes twinkling brightly in neon lights of the arcade machines.

“Here. Sorry you had to use your tokens for me.”

Yoonji tried to push back to the coins suddenly placed in her palm. “No, it’s fine, I don’t–”

“I wouldn’t want to owe you.”

“I–”

Then she froze, realizing her hands were clasped around the other woman’s right. Holding the Gengar plush in her left, tucked underneath her breasts. The naughtily cheerful grin was aimed straight at Yoonji, silently laughing as if it had seen and knew everything. Before she could react, a handful of coins was dumped in her palm and her fingers were closed around it, pinned by a dark cherry manicure. Middle, ring, and thumb trimmed short.

Her heartbeat shot up to her throat.

“Yoonji-noona, come play this one with me!”

Her head snapped up. The other woman smiled at her calmly. Park Jimin grabbed Yoonji’s sleeve and dragged her to a racing game. That didn’t mean anything. It didn’t. I wouldn’t want to owe you. Why not? What was wrong with her? What was so much better about dork-ass Jeon Jungkook who was sucked into playing Tekken versus Kim Taehyung without a second thought? The other woman turned away and went to stand behind Jungkook, next to their consistent heckler Kim Seokjin, still holding onto the Gengar plush. Yoonji turned to sit down next to Jimin, suddenly mad she didn’t think of the claw machine first, why, she could have done it in less tries, she was sure of it.

“You alright?”

“What?” she snapped.

Jimin raised his eyebrows at her. Yoonji stilled. Somehow, Jimin always knew something was up. Oh, he did care if his friends were having a hard time. He also low-key lived for drama. High-key, even. He was a sneaky bitch behind an innocent face. Instead of answering, Yoonji jammed tokens into the machine, both for Jimin and herself, and cocked her eyebrow back at his suspicious, searching expression, placing her hands on the steering wheel.

“I’m gonna smoke ya,” she declared.

“I haven’t yet – HEY!”

Yoonji absolutely demolished him in the virtual race. Twice. Get rekt, Jimin-ah.

-

Sulky.

Well, no. Not really.

A little bit.

Ugh, fine.

Min Yoonji silently admitted she was sulky.

Just trying to figure out what was so great about Jeon Jungkook. She flicked through his Instagram, not impressed. It was a pretty dead account, as Jungkook had been very into keeping an aesthetic layout for a few months and then promptly abandoned the account when he got tired of it. He had commitment issues. The aesthetic he had chosen was the digital photo, found film vibe that had been popular when the kid was literally in elementary school and probably had no idea what social media even was. His TikTok was somewhat similar, with lots of effects and editing in the short videos. Also mostly abandoned, although Yoonji suspected his accounts were more for lurking and liking stuff than displaying himself.

Jungkook had a few candid, artsy photos of him shirtless that Yoonji wished she hadn’t seen.

Hah, why post that if you can’t even provide a decent picture?

She found that she was lingering on a side profile photo of him for a few seconds. Black and white. Ghost of a smile on his lips and his short black hair messily over his crinkled eyes. From this angle, one could see the definition of his jaw and the mole on his neck, plus the three piercings on his left ear. His shoulder was bare, a medium-weight linked chain loosely hanging on his neck.

Abruptly, Yoonji swiped away.

He doesn’t have a single photo of her on here.

There were occasional photos that included Jimin and Taehyung, (including one of Jimin’s hand photobombing a seriously poised Taehyung, Yoonji could recognize that tiny pinky anywhere), but not really anyone else. This didn’t surprise Yoonji too much, as over half of the photos were scenery shots, but surely a photo of a pretty woman would get likes? She frowned, then froze. There was a reel posted way down there, towards the beginning of the account’s creation. At first, it hadn’t caught her attention since the photo was a black screen, but then she clicked on it and listened to the audio. It was someone playing guitar.

But not just anyone.

After about ten seconds of black screen, the camera lifted from its spot and it showed Min Yoonji several years ago, leaning over a black acoustic guitar, playing a melody she had made up on the spot. She remembered that night. She had been at Kim Namjoon’s house, they had gotten drunk, and Jeon Jungkook had shown up at three in the morning for who-the-hell-knows-what reason. She had brought her guitar that night on a low-key depressed whim. Namjoon dabbled in music too, sometimes, not just produced it, so Yoonji occasionally brought her guitar to play for fun. They were longtime friends.

She hadn’t noticed that Jungkook had filmed her.

The caption read, music that makes you fall in love.

“… What?”

It had startled her so much that she hadn’t even realized she spoke out loud.

Ah, what was she thinking? This was years ago. Past was in the past. There wasn’t anything else interesting on here. Funnily enough, the specific melody Jungkook had complimented, Yoonji had turned into a breakup song. Sure, she had never really published her music past her SoundCloud, but she still made songs for fun even though she wasn’t trying to become an idol or anything of the sort. Would be cool to be a producer though.

It was only a damn reel.

There was no serendipitous shit going on here.

Yoonji rubbed her eyes. They were close, yes. Jungkook often came to her for practical life advice when Namjoon was a bit too philosophical. His words, although Yoonji could agree. She was known as the pragmatic one in the group. Something she learned in therapy, actually. Focusing on what could be done right now instead of fixating on the what-ifs of the future. The youngest did exasperate her sometimes, however it was an endearing kind of exasperation that she welcomed. He, unlike some other young people, expressed his gratitude often.

He called her cute often, too.

Not that… Not that other people didn’t. Hoseok did all the time. Well, Yoonji did go to Hoseok a lot for outfit opinions when she had an occasion. Jungkook also expressed skinship, usually resting his head on Yoonji’s shoulder or putting a hand on her back, even though he didn’t usually imitate with other people. Physical touch was not something Yoonji liked. She tolerated it if it was Jungkook, but he really hadn’t been touchy since…

Wait.

Why the fuck was she thinking about Jungkook?

This ain’t about you!

Right. So, anyway, since Jungkook had started seeing this woman, he hadn’t posted her on his social media, hadn’t initiated physical touch with Yoonji, and expressed neediness when the two were alone but treated the lady like a friend when in front of his friends. He didn’t even invite her to their gatherings despite having many opportunities, yet also specifically made them all wait for him to win her a plush prize that directly related with her interests.

Which all equated to Jeon Jungkook sending the most confusing batch of mixed signals Yoonji had ever analyzed.

A muscle in her face twitched.

Yoonji chewed on her lip. She wondered if she should scroll through those Jungkook was following to maybe find the woman’s account. Was that going too far? Sure, social media profiles were generally public, but actively looking for someone for dubious reasons seemed wrong. Not that her reasons were dubious.

Right.

She looked back to her phone screen.

It was somehow displaying a photo of Jungkook’s naked back. Again, black and white. Standing in a gym. The background was slightly blurred, but the hint of Jungkook’s toned front was unmistakable. Yoonji frowned and swiped it away, scrolling distractedly. She didn’t think about him like that. He was a dork. The woman he was dating was smoking hot. Were they dating, though? That was the whole point of this investigation. For fuck’s sake. Although Jungkook gave the impression he was a playboy, Yoonji knew he wasn’t. He didn’t have the damn attention span to be a player and he was obviously scared of hurting other people’s feelings. Still, there weren’t any telltale signs of them dating-dating. Which shouldn’t bother Yoonji anyway, because she didn’t get involved in her friend’s dating lives, so why the fuck did she care?

Plus, she’s probably straight.

Jungkook was a pretty manly man.

But what if she’s not?

There was literally nothing Yoonji could work off of in that regard except for the look in those dark scorched eyes when she closed her hand around Yoonji’s hand, holding her tight and within direct eye contact. There was literally not a single reason for her to believe that look meant anything other than what was said.

And yet.

I’m being delusional.

Jungkook and her looked good together. Yeah. They were probably gonna work out. Uh huh. It was just rough for her because this was one of the first few real moments that Yoonji felt strongly attracted to someone outside of purely sexual reasons.

Woah.

Woah, hold on there.

She knew for a fact she liked women sexually. Her porn history was enough evidence of that. She had been attracted to women she had met over the years, sure, but never had Yoonji pursued a woman, both because of the social stigma and also because she figured only doing it for the sexual desire seemed wrong. If anyone found out, Yoonji didn’t want to feel like it was for nothing.

So why am I stalking Jungkook on Instagram just for a glimpse of her?

And Yoonji couldn’t like her. She barely knew her. Right? They couldn’t have developed any emotional connection in their very minimal interactions. Yoonji placed her phone down, backing away from it like it was a bomb. These impulses… She couldn’t stop thinking about the woman holding the Gengar next to her chest. Couldn’t stop thinking about Jungkook dancing her around on the sidewalk. Couldn’t stop thinking about the woman casually eating her dessert in the park as if she owned the whole damn world.

Did Yoonji want to be her?

Or did she want to be with her?

Yoonji hadn’t allowed herself to fantasize yet because fantasizing about a real person felt much more abhorrent than a total stranger. It was a door she couldn’t bear to open yet. And, worse.

She didn’t know if she could stop if she started.

-

ep 2. what a shame. (see you friday) sugar, spice, and everything nice

--

min yoonji masterpost | masterpost

[gh0stsp1d3r]

Right after bob’s death, stevo stays at your place because staying at his was too much. Basically just the reader loving on stevo is all. Their relationship doesn’t really matter as long as its clear that they are soulmates in some capacity. I think stevo just needs to let himself be loved. Grief and depression is horrible to go through alone so its great to have someone who gets it with you as you heal you know?

𝒪𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝓎ℴ𝓊

A/n: This was kinda hard to write, but I definitely needed to

Taglist: @abriefnirvana

Warnings: death, angst to fluff, grief

He wiped the tears away as he got into his car, he breathed a shaky breath as he looked at himself in the car mirror. He was disheveled, with a tangled mop of hair and wrinkled clothes.

Stevo's mind raced with thoughts of where to spend the night. And then it hit him - you were the only other person he wanted to be with right now. You would know what to do now.

Without a second thought, he stepped on the gas pedal and raced towards you as fast as his old car could go.

As he rushed towards your apartment, no matter how hard he tried to stop them, the tears streamed down his cheeks while Bad Religion blared on the radio.

He found himself thinking about Bob. Was he a bad friend for leaving him like that? He felt horrible, but he wasn’t sure about what else to do.

The image stayed in his mind, almost causing a crash as his thoughts raced, his hands acting faster than his head.

Finally, after what felt like the longest drive in history, he reached your place. He looked at a bottle of beer on the side of his door, drinking it as if he was a college kid who had just been dared to. He would need it tonight. Then he laid his eyes on someone outside.

As you were taking out the trash, you saw a small baby cat nearby and smiled. You knelt, and the cat shyly approached you. It rubbed against your leg as you looked into its curious eyes and pet it with care.

He stumbled out of his car door, the sound making you turn your head and the cat also turn its head to him.

“Stevo?” you mumbled to yourself. You recognized the blue hair quickly, and he looked at you. He was…crying?

"Stevo," you said, as you dropped your trash on the floor and hurried towards him. He was crying uncontrollably, and when he saw you, he wrapped his arms around you. You were taken aback by the sudden embrace, but you rubbed his back to give him some sort of comfort. "Oh, Stevo," you whispered softly.

He cried, tears staining your shirt as he buried his head in your shoulder. People came outside when they heard the cries.

“You're the only one I have left.” he cried into your shoulder.

“C’mon, let's go inside, okay?” you weren't sure what had happened, but it made your heart break.

You had been lifelong friends since middle school and stuck together like glue. Despite your longstanding feelings for him, you never told him how you felt in fear of him not having the same feelings.

He thought you were too sweet to him, too nice in this cruel, unjust world.

The little cat watched as you both walked up the stairs. Stevo looked back at its copper eyes and black fur, following his moves like a lucky cat in a store.

You led him inside, his sobs became more quiet and slowed down as he rubbed his eyes with his hand and sat down on a chair at your table. He felt like a loser, a poser. But you were one of the only people he knew wouldn’t judge him.

You shut the door and turned to him. It was silent for a moment while you both stared at each other.

“What happened?” you asked softly, making your way to the chair next to him.

He looked down at the ground while he explained what happened this morning. Bob had died of an overdose, your eyes widened as you listened and looked at him with sadness.

“I’m.. so sorry. Steven.. that’s horrible.” You said once he finished.

Steven. You hadn’t used his real name in ages.

He didn’t know how to respond, he simply just looked down.

“Uhm… you want me to call for you? So you don’t have to? I can tell them what happened so he can get buried, and everything else…”

He looked up now. “You’d do that?”

You nodded and smiled at him.

"Stevo, I am here for you, whether you need anything or want to talk. I’m here for you.”

“Thank you.” he mumbled, feeling himself about to cry again.

You went over to him, he stood up and hugged you again, when you both pulled away you smiled softly and wiped his tears away.

"You can stay for as long as you need, okay?" you spoke softly.

You led him into your room, telling him to chill in there for a second while you called the police. They said they had to question you, but you did not mention Stevo at all, so as long as he didn’t have to, you were fine with it.

You hung up and sighed, rubbing your forehead. You felt horrible for Stevo, who had to see his best friend and roommates dead body in front of him, crying for him.

You entered the room for and climbed into the bed beside him. He gazed at you with red, tired eyes, and wrapped his arms around your body. You reciprocated the gesture, holding him close and not wanting to let go, playing with his hair as he rested his head on your chest.

You kissed the top of his head, and in any situation, he would've questioned the action. But right now it was just what he needed.

He fell asleep quickly in your arms, his eyes heavy. You wished it happened under better circumstances.

[aryas-faces]

Ranking Season 2 Episodes

1) Episode 4: The Red Dragon and the Gold

The only episode I came away from thinking, “That was amazing.” This episode is Aegon’s arc to this point coming to a head; his council is making decisions and corresponding to each other without including him, everyone humiliating him and being callous to his emotions, and when he speaks to Alicent, she double downs what everyone else says: Aegon is useless and will never be a good King so let her and the council be in charge. And this sends Aegon spiraling; so he desperately tries to prove himself and gets betrayed by the person he trusts the most in the world: his younger brother. It is an incredible character arc, the best of the season, and to be honest, I think it elevates the book which says Aegon is fearful, feeling vulnerable, and in over his head, the one part if the show that really expands on the book. I know that some people don’t like what this episode does with Aemond, I don’t mind it. Aemond is a psychopath in the book, and it’s kinda vague if he meant to hurt Aegon or not. The build up to the battle is incredible and emotional and I love how it focuses just on Aegon and Rhaenys and their dragons, the victims of the battle. The battle itself is intense: I was full body shaking during it. The aftermath is also horrifying, seeing the horrors a dragon is capable of. The only down side of this episode is that they try to give Rhaenyra a divine reason to go to war to sanitize her

2) Episode 1: A Son for a Son

Blood and Cheese ruined what otherwise is a good episode. Aegon is hilarious in this episode, Rhaenyra looking for Lucerys’ remains was heartbreaking and than terrifying when she returned to her council looking crazed and wanting blood to spill because of this with villain music behind her (back when I still had hope we were getting book Rhaenyra.) but of course, B&C being ruined puts a stain on the episode

3) Episode 2: Rhaenyra the Cruel

Oh the title of this. The sarcasm/propaganda of it told me we were never getting book Rhaenyra, especially with how she reacts to Blood and Cheese in sadness. I hate the propaganda angle they took with B&C when it really was because of Rhaenyra and Daemon. However, the acting of the Greens this episode is the all around best acting all season. Rhys is cold and calculating and manipulative. Phia is horrified and devastated. Olivia is depressed and guilty. And this is just straight up Tom’s Emmy episode. His rage and grief and despair is so real

4) Episode 7: The Red Sowing

The public shaming of Daemon is enough to make this the best of the Black episodes. Maybe I’m weird, but in isolation, I love the Alicent in the lake scene. It was artsy. Aegon trying to recover is so heartbreaking and his pain is so visceral. The sowing is straight out of a horror movie. The seeds for Rhaenyra the Cruel have planted in this episode, now they need to go through with it (I doubt they will)

5) Episode 3: The Burning Mill

The Green council scene is great, everything with Aegon is great (as usual. he’s the only consistent great this season). I love the shot of him looking in the mirror and half his face is in the dark, foreshadowing his fate. I like Baela hunting the Green army, it’s intense. However, the Septa Rhaenyra scene is GOT season 7 level bad. At least Alicent told her to go fuck off

6) Episode 6: Smallfolk

Why are the smallfolk starving? Why are they blaming Aegon when in ep 1 he was trying to help? Why are they saint-ifying Rhaenyra when she’s the reason they’re starving? Why are they attacking Alicent and Helaena when they’re supposed to be beloved? Why are Rhaenyra and Mysaria kissing when they barely have a bond? At least we get great scenes of Aegon, and Alicent being gentle with his body as she cries and says sorry

7) Episode 5: Regent

WHY IS DAEMON MAKING OUT WITH HIS MOM?! Why is Alicent having a panic attack about not being Regent and not Aegon? Why are they focusing on the Blacks when the Greens have so much more plot and character potential with post Rook’s Rest? I love the sad, heroic, tragic music they played behind Aegon being brought back, and his “mummy” was soul crushing and stole the episode

8) Episode 8

I’m not calling it the queen who ever was. What a shit show. Sexually humiliating Aegon (and putting Tom in uncomfortable situations), the stupid flash forwards with Daemon, “Winter is Coming” gave me visceral cringe (they better not make it so that it’s the Stark words because Rhaenyra said it to them, they better fucking not). The character assassination of Alicent is one of the worst I’ve ever seen. The only good is Tom still putting his heart and soul into Aegon even when saying lines designed humiliate him. And Criston’s lines about dragon battle

[strawberry-milkbunny]

I have no one to talk to about Tokyo Rev so here r my random hot takes that I need to say:

- Emma and Hina r boring and used as romance plot devices it’s okay to admit that Wakui can’t write women idk I don’t expect shounen/men to be able to write girls well (still cried when Emma died tho bc she didn’t deserve it!!!)

- lol I LOVE Yuzuha and Senju tho

- I actually do like Emma and Draken together but I also firmly believe Draken is in love w/Mikey and was just projecting onto Emma LMAO

- Yuzuha is a lesbian

- Controversial: I don’t think Shinchiro was THAT great of an older brother. Like he was cool but he still introduced Mikey and Izana into the world of gang life/normalizing violence and yeah OG Black Dragons isn’t like that but….what do u expect when u form a gang??? .obviously there’s a high chance that it’s gonna develop into LEGIT gang activity

- As an adult and someone who was basically raised by an older sibling w/a big age gap (my sis is 7 years older) I kinda don’t blame Takeomi for being a bad older brother??? Realistically he’s a 17 yr old in charge of raising 2 toddlers like NO SHIT he did a bad job. At least Shin had his grandfather to help out but Takeomi actually had no one. Doesn’t explain y he’s a brokey LOL buttttt again I don’t FULLY blame him for being a bad sibling still hurt my boi Sanzu 😤😤

- I HC that Mikey is used to having a caretaker (Draken and later Sanzu) bc when Shin died he was so depressed and genuinely couldn’t get out of bed

- Takemitchy is also lowkey boring/typical shounen protagonist and canonically stinky like Hina could do sm better. This is personal preference so I find myself wanting more chaotic/dumb protagonists who are slightly morally ambiguous like Denji, Gintoki, hell even Naruto at times. Takemitchy didn’t get character development until BD arc and that’s just a bit too long for me….

- Koko and Inui r gay and dating 💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻

- the Haitani brothers r the kardashians of the TR universe they’re so embarrassing Deadass show up and pose/do absolutely nothing I LOVE THEM SHKSKSKSK

- I love how it’s universally agreed that Mitsuya and Chifuyu r the best bois

- I have mixed feelings about Izana. I genuinely do like him and DESPISE how he’s whitewashed by fanart

- I get it u genuinely just wanted to not be alone and found out ur adopted in the worst way possible but…..idk how that justifies killing ur own sister but u do u ig 🤷‍♀️ and u have KAKUCHO AS UR FAMILY WTH

- don’t listen to me tho I’m a Mikey and Sanzu stan LMAOO 🤭🤭🤭

- Izana is the definition of mommy issues and 100% had crunchy hair lik mans was homeless

- if I saw Izana IRL I would RUN 🏃‍♀️idk he looks a lil crazy

- also this man does not know Tagalog he didn’t even know he was Filipino until he was lik 12

- idk the Tenjiku arc is so funny to me bc Izana is deadass: imma kill everyone in Mikey’s life for revenge and Mikey is lik: bruh I didn’t even kno u existed until last week and now ur killing our sister UNPROVOKED ???

- Bonten!Mikey is a virgin/no libido mans is DEPRESSED

- wished the Bonten arc was longer simply for the outfits bc Wakui KNOWS FASHION but that shit was DEPRESSION

- 3 Deities Arc was amazing and also funny/serious at the same time. It literally was an all out brawl in an AMUSEMENT PARK

- fr tho wtf was Benkei, Wakasa and Takeomi doing there??? Like they’re canonically 27 GO GET A JOB STOP FIGHTING 15 YEAR OLDS SHKSKSKS

- U cannot tell me that Sanzu WASNT sad when Baji and Mucho died.

- Baji was straight up his childhood friend and the only one other than Senju who knows about the plane incident/Mikey’s possessive side. And In the OG!timeline I’m pretty sure Baji was the only friend Sanzu DIDNT attack. While with Mucho he was pretty much his older brother, Sanzu just decided Mikey was better

- Tbh if the dark impulses/Shin thing wasn’t real I would’ve firmly believed Mikey had DID or something. Which again made only worse by the fact that violence and death is such a regular thing in his life (GET THIS MAN THERAPY LIK WTF IS SHIN AND GRANDPA SANO DOING???)

- Kazutora going a lil crazy is lowkey expected and I hate how we only find out about his home life in the character books. This kid grew up in a physically and mentally abusive household (gaslight to pick between parents and as s/o who has experienced that shit it’s fucked up) and I rlly don’t think prison helped out his mental stability either no shit he tried to kill Mikey

- I don’t ship Mikey and Takemichy (despite the IMMENSE gay ness btwn them) firmly bc I think everyone can see how much power Takemitchy has over Mikey idk it has a weird power dynamic like if Takemitchy tried he could 100% control Mikey (platonically or romantically)

- Baji, Chifuyu and Kazutora r a throuple

- I HATE how Sanzu is reduced to this crazy drug addict. Sanzu is canonically smart, manipulative, and formally trained fighter. He also REMEMBERS the OG timeline, he had to experience Shin dying twice and everyone else die no shit he’s a little bonkers/needs drugs to take everything away. Plus his relationship to Mikey which tbh is a whole separate post

- controversial !!!: I ship Mikey and Sanzu or Mikey and Draken. Sanzu only bc this man has a big ass crush and deserves some niceness for once

- ppl write Kakucho as this shy, nice guy like ur not wrong but mans is also running UNPROVOKED into Yakuza offices like it’s the gym while dragging Rindou wit him 😭😭😭

- the haitanis r the best sibling duo

- It lowkey makes me mad in fanfics where Ran is depicted as cheating w/Rin’s gf like??? This man raised his younger brother himself u cannot tell me he doesn’t love his brother and would actually do that to him

- Ran would 1000% do anything for Rin and i firmly believe he kinda regrets not saying anything in court to prevent Rindou frm joining him in jail. Like saying he forced Rindou to kill someone w/him, abusing his brother at home, etc especially in the Bonten! tl he def thinks about wtf he dragged his brother into

- I also don’t think they’ve slept w/ the same person before. Idk I feel like they have diff types like Ran goes for more motherly/mature types while Rindou goes for sweeter/shy types

- Draken has road rage

- Yuzuha should’ve been taller like AT LEAST 5’7 bitch is related to Hakkai and Taiju for gods sake

- OG BD 100% thought Wakasa was a girl for at least a month. He’s canonically 5’3 and pretty.

- Characters who r 100% bisexual: WAKASA, Senju,maybe Hina, Draken (def in denial), Rindou, Ran (he’s a whore as long as ur pretty he’s down), Sanzu, Koko, Kazutora, Chifuyu

- Mitsuya had a crush on Draken

[dw19791967]

That Feeling Part 2

Pairing: Dean x reader (eventual), OFC Tyler

Warnings: language, unrequited love, angst, unwanted kissing, depression, anxiety, and feelings.

Trigger Warning: This fic contains discussions of depression and anxiety and feelings that go along with those. If that could be triggering for you I would skip out on this one. It is based on some experiences I have had in real life.

*All mistakes are my own!

I apologize for this taking forever!! I have had some things come up plus been busy with work. I think there will two more parts after this one. Make sure to read part 1 to understand this part!

-Layla

*I do not own this gif.

I had finally made my way back to my room a little after 11 that night. Dean had held me and tried to calm me down the best he could. I told him I needed some space and he understood. 

I slept like crap. Kept replaying the event in my head over and over again. How could I be so dumb. How could I let this happen? Why did I have to react like that? 

I woke up around 8 the following morning. My eyes were still puffy when I looked in the mirror. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I decided it was time to get dressed. I changed into a pair of leggings and an oversized t-shirt. I made my way to the kitchen to get something to drink. 

“Hey Y/N. Dean and I went and grabbed your car from that bar earlier this morning.” Sammy greeted me with a slight smile. I figured that meant Dean had told him what had happened. 

“Hi Sammy, thank you. I appreciate it. ” I looked at him. I’m sure he could tell I had been crying. I brushed it off. I went to the fridge to pour myself a glass of tea. I warmed it up in the microwave. Hopefully this would help calm my nerves. 

“Where’s Dean?” I moved to sit down across from him at the table. 

“He went out, should be back soon.” He paused. “Do you want to talk about it? I’m here to listen, you know, you don’t have to handle this on your own.”

“Not right now Sam. I kinda just want to forget for a bit ya know? I slept like ass.” I placed my hand on his. “I do appreciate it though.”

I grabbed my glass and stood. “I think I’m going to lay back down for a bit, have a migraine.” 

“Y/N….” Sam moved to stand as well.

“I’ll be ok Sammy, promise.” I looked at him with a sad smile.

God I hope I will be. 

________________________________

Dean’s POV:

I ran to get some of Y/N’s favorite things. Tea, chocolate, ingredients to make tacos, bubble bath stuff, and her fruity girl drinks. It always amused me that she hated beer. To quote her “who wants to drink something that tastes like warm piss?”. 

I carried the stuff into the kitchen. 

“Hey she got up to get some tea but headed back to her room. She said she didn't feel like talking.” Sam moved to help me put the stuff away.

“I figured. She told me last night she needed some space but I also know that's code for "I will need you to remind me you care at some point.” I’ll check on her after I put this stuff up.” 

“Go ahead, I got it.” 

I moved down the hallway towards her room. I hated that this happened to her. She’s told me about her past and it wasn’t pretty. It scares the crap out of me that sometimes humans are the worst type of monsters. I wanted to beat the shit out of every son of a bitch that had hurt her but she said it wouldn’t be worth it. It kills me inside that she thinks she isn’t worth it. She is beautiful, a badass, says what she thinks and doesn’t give a damn if it offends you, and has a heart of gold and would do anything for anyone. She has saved me more times than I can count in the short time I’ve known her. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I can’t tell her this especially right now. I know she needs to get her head on straight. 

I reached her door. “Sweetheart?” I knocked gently.

___________________________

Y/N’s POV:

I had laid back down but of course couldn’t sleep. I laid there for an hour tossing and turning. Then I took some meds for my head. I guess crying and lack of sleep equals a huge ass headache. I couldn’t stop my mind from reeling. Maybe I deserve to feel like this? I mean I’m not perfect. I have made mistakes in my life, maybe this is my punishment? I have always struggled with depression and anxiety. Of course it got worse as time went on, especially being a hunter. I had managed to keep it under wraps pretty well until now. Now all the bad times are brought back to the surface. The boys don’t deserve to have to deal with my broken ass. Maybe it would be better if I left and spent some time on my own.

I felt my phone buzz below me. It was a text.

Tyler:  

Hey Y/N just wanted to check on you. I’m really sorry about how last night went down. I just thought that was what you wanted, especially since I had mentioned stuff before and you didn’t say anything. Anyway I am heading out tonight, want to meet up again? Maybe we could have a redo of last night and talk things out ;).

Shock was the polite way of describing how I felt reading his message. I needed to end this.

Y/N:

Tyler, I have thought things over and now realize I should have stopped talking to you sooner. Making lewd comments about my body, discussing being naked, telling me we were strictly friends, ignoring me when I needed a friend. There were a lot of mixed signals on your part. I guess me telling you that we could see where our friendship takes implied I wanted more and for that I apologize. This whole situation has made me realize that  I need to work on myself and put myself first. So this will be the last message you receive from me. Do not contact me again and please lose my number. 

I deleted the messages and blocked his number. I wanted a clean slate. 

“Sweetheart?” Dean was knocking on my door softly. 

“You can come in.” I moved to sit up slightly.

He made his way into the room. Seeing his face made me feel a little better. 

He sat down at the end of the bed by my feet. 

“I’m not going to ask how you are doing because I already know the answer. I went to the store and got some of your favorites. Is there anything you would like to do today?”

“I appreciate that De, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I know” he said with a smile.

“I would really like to sleep, I’m still exhausted but can’t get my mind to turn off. He messaged me, tried to apologize and get me to meet up with him again. I told him no and that I needed to put myself first. I told him I didn’t want to hear from him again.” I played with a string on my quilt to distract me from his inevitable reaction. I knew he would be pissed. Pissed that the idiot had the balls to message me, pissed that I didn’t tell him to take a flying leap.

“I’m proud of you for setting the boundary Y/N, that is a huge step.” He reached for my hand. 

Wait, he wasn’t pissed? Who is he and what has he done with my Dean?

“I figured you would be pissed at me for messaging him back.” 

“I mean does it piss me off that he thought it would be a good idea to message you? Of course. But I also know you needed to tell him the effect this had on you. You need to be able to move on, I would never be mad at you for doing that.” He moved his thumb back and forth across my hand. He always knew how to comfort me. 

“I appreciate that you have done more for me in the last 24 hours than I could have ever expected or asked of you. You don’t have to keep doing things for me ya know?” I looked up at him now. God, those eyes. He could ask me to rob a bank for him and I probably would. 

“I’m doing these things because I want to. You are my best friend, my girl. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. I’m here because I want to be.” He looked into my eyes and smiled. 

“So you didn’t answer my question, what do you want to do?”

“I’m not really sure, I know I’m not up for being around a lot of people. I kinda just want to go for a drive and listen to music, try to get my mind to think of something else ya know?” I said. 

“If that’s what you want to do then that is what we will do. Get your shoes on Sweetheart, let’s go.” Dean smiled.

[unnervinglyferal]

Hiii

idk I have anything much to say really

uhhh I have some screenshots of a Typical Straight Guy™ from a dating app if you wanna see him call me a “slapper” for not wanting to sleep with him if you wanna see them

I made a new minecraft skin if you wanna see that

I’ve been not managing to go to a sexual health clinic for like a week now (I have to plan it beforehand and shower successfully at the right time and haven’t been quite doing that)

huh ig I do have things to say

I might be too unwell for talking therapy currently? That’s what my therapist suggested might be the case (we’re thinking I should be fine as long as we stick to easier stuff). Also we’re looking to get a second opinion about me getting some mood stabilisers or anti-depressants or some such (that’s about my psychiatrist tho, not psychologist/therapist).

my bf - did I mention I currently have a bf? - anyway his phone broke and couldn’t text me so I assumed he was ghosting me but in fact he was desperately trying to reach me through other messaging methods which I don’t check regularly. And honestly although I was sad about the presumed ghosting and him not being into me anymore I was also kinda relieved? cos he says he Loves me and definitely means it but we haven’t been dating all that long so I think it’s just infatuation and I don’t wanna break his heart but idk how much I like him like that.

I might be lithoromantic honestly (meaning I feel romantic attraction only if it’s unreciprocated) but I do not have enough data points. And it might just be cos depression yada yada

I had this kinda conversation with my therapist and I just hate that I can’t get closure on any of this or resolve anything, I just need to not think about any of it cos if I properly confront it I just get suicidal and it’s just… exhausting.

ik it’ll get better and I’ll be happy in the future but I’ve been suicidal for 5 fucking years. why does it have to take so fucking long man.

ugh this turned out to be longer and sadder than originally intended so I’m gonna send the aforementioned media in another ask to make me feel better

Closure is a fake thing that's not real. Once the situation is over, you make peace with yourself and yourself alone. And it's going to take as long as it takes, but I promise life can be better than that. Even if you've never known anything else, it's out there, things can be better. A tadpole that was born in a bucket has no idea that there's a world outside of it. You've just got to hold on, try to make things better a little bit at a time.

You don't have to break things off with the guy just because you're scared of what might happen. Just be honest with him and let him make his own choices about it with the information that he has. If he doesn't want to protect himself from getting hurt by you - even by accident, without meaning to - you can't do that for him. You can't really do much on behalf of other people, really. And everyone gets their hearts broken at some point, it's like losing your baby teeth. Part of growing up.

...Also what the fuck is a slapper.