i thought i was normal now thought i was over is just saw a picture of ranboos mcc fit from yesterday i was busy and HOLY FUCKING SHIIIIIT oh my god i’m oh my goodness holy fuck
okay no I think this prolonged of an amount of time thinking about George’s music and philosophy is difficult for me. I’m like genuinely weeping. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be happy in this world unless I find a way out of the way it is. I’m so trapped in the world we live in. I’m addicted to my phone but regularly think about throwing it away and I do recognize- to the point of telling people this all the time- that I only use it in order to keep myself feeling grounded and human when out in the world. Which is true because I use it to look at pictures and images and sounds from the things like George and his words, that bring me comfort. I don’t know how I’m going to find a person I can love or a life I can be happy with or comfortable with without a huge huge escape that I feel unable to reach and can’t figure out how to . Do
i say i like tragedies and everyone’s all like ‘why do you like sad stories? are you depressed?’ and never ‘how was the catharsis? was the catharsis fun?’
“no one will notice if you stop posting/talking/texting/etc” is the mind killer. it is the evil. it is the little childhood version of myself who feels so insignificant and unwanted but she IS wanted. I am wanted and loved and noticed even if I can’t see it right now