#I’m still a ‘half of got was good’ truther sorry

[francy-sketches]

Maybe this is kinda hypocritical of me being an animator and all but. I don’t think animation would be the best way to adapt asoiaf. I think it would most likely come out kinda shit. Sorry

[sundayinthcpark]

okay so i’m still scribbling down ideas and i’m kinda stoned and idk if i’ll ever manage to write this cos i have never rlly written anything like this (literally anything i’ve never written for one of these fandoms i’ve never finished a multi chap plotted fic i’ve never written an in-depth au like idk if i even could do this) but the other day my brain decided WOULDN’T IT BE COOL if Kingsman and UNIT were the same people. (and honestly MIB: International a bit too) but like. Kingsman Doctor Who AU. that’s mostly focused on osgate.

for whatever reason, the code name Arthur isn’t used and is instead replaced with The Doctor. why, idk. there doesn’t need to be a reason. just, when the doctor, the brig, and liz shaw all started this, he decided his code name was The Doctor and it’s been that way since

also the plot was: three different stories, spanning a couple different time periods.

first story (kingsman: the secret service) is very much just stolen ideas from what i know of the Cyber-Reality Big Finish stories. which admittedly about 80% of that (i did start listening to them. finally) is because of @technicallywrite’s fanfic 🫡 but i promise i am doing my research. but anyway like that cyber program instead of valentine’s program??? osgood thinking kate’s dead for like half the story adds some fun to it and i could add kate’s pov w whatever’s happening to her OR i could just. go off from Kingsman and do it closer to Big Finish and just call it good.

ideally: harry = kate; eggsy = osgood; arthur = 12th doctor; merlin = river

considering replacing jakobi!master w gomez!master for some extra fun? like it just could be fun is all.

also: focus is osgate but there is background stuff going on. 12/River/Missy ???? do some fun little twists get them all together i think they deserve it. also other knights/agents would be (possibly.) amy, rory, clara, rose, yaz, donna, martha, bill, sam, josh, gwen, ianto, maybe jack? not as important characters literally just names to fill in blanks. i have code names for them too just in case it’s needed as well as ships cos background ships r always so fun

also was thinking abt the possibility of: sarah jane is the lancelot being replaced. i don’t wanna kill her either but. it adds some fun messy stuff for kate cos i am always a sarah jane/kate truther but also establishing it all could be messy

also was considering just having sarah jane have been a past agent that kate’s father knew (will get into family history in a sec) and kate got to occasionally hear some stories about her OR sarah jane is kate’s aunt (basically they knew each other but sarah jane is gone now and kate struggles with that a bit)

cos kate’s dad was obviously part of Kingsman which is how Kate got recruited- sorta. (here is why i want sarah jane to be. important and not related to kate but i can’t change some of it) cos she technically still had to be recruited but sarah jane kept an eye on kate while she was in military training and actually recruited her having not realised who she was until after she had already decided

which is about to be what happens here cos. osgood is a rlly fucking good hacker and they can hack into p much any database okay so kingsman has been keeping an eye on them- not cos they’re worried that osgood will reveal them, just cos they kinda think she’s brilliant- and kate actually ends up running into them at a bar. where idk what but some kinda relatively easy to defeat alien shows up right and kate has to get rid of it and suddenly there’s a lot going on but kate is asking osgood to come to kingsman with her

and basically what osgood had been doing is kinda like. non-violent the beekeeper type shit like hacking elon musk’s bank account to send a billion dollars to palestine or some shit like just trying to improve the world in whatever ways right

and then osgood’s ends up joining kingsman (sorry but skip the ‘roxy beats eggsy’ plot line cos even tho i love roxy i don’t have time to figure out how to fit weird sexism into this especially cos not one man has actually been a part of this story yet) and proceeds to get sucked into the Cyber-Reality storyline

lowkey tho a) i need to learn how to write smut because i need them to hook up at least once probably pre-cyber like. anything. like they r attracted to each other. maybe that’s how kate learns about them in the first place is they hook up and osgood tells kate what they do with their life and kate decides to look into her work

(just occurred to me this may not be obvious but she/they osgood. possibly they/then doctor too cos i like fucking around w characters’ pronouns)

but anyway yeah i actually lowkey want the story to end with them not quite having figured themselves out but knowing they’re gonna do it together (😏)

but def positive ending cos i have not thought out Kingsman: The Golden Circle yet

i have figured out origins but not entirely how to make it follow a plot line yet but there’s a strong chance of it involving the third doctor, liz shaw, and the brigadier and possibly autons. liz = galahad; brig = merlin. and obviously it’ll have threebrig. but it’s a separate story i’ve barely thought about

also figuring out how to make the time jump from three to twelve but also still having time in there for kate to come around? it’s gonna be interesting for sure

this is so much rambling j am very sorry and i’m also very tired and i definitely could do better hashing this out and i’m working on doing better hashing this out i just also needed to ramble at someone. lol

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 105

Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid/Turn Left

“Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid”

Plot Description: The dead are rising from their graves and happily reuniting with their families in Bobby’s hometown

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: 1) I thought they said the dead were HAPPILY reuniting. But 2) I don’t think I’ve pissed off anyone who’s died enough for them to KILL me. But also I’m not answering the door in a storm like that if I don’t know someone’s on the way

That is some very convenient narration from the nature documentary

Well, they’re not calling you a TRUTHER. Mmm, but okay. Just solidifies my hypothesis that I wouldn’t die in the first five minutes: I’ve also never killed anyone

These are, in fact, the correct faves to make when you get caught impersonating a government official because you had the sheriff of Bobby’s home town call him

Oh shit…Bobby didn’t tell them what the fuck’s going on because his wife is back from the dead too

So DEATH Death is on his way

I am…extremely sympathetic to Bobby’s dilemma (and I am EXTREMELY glad I didn’t watch this last week). But yeah, if it were John and the boys had found out he came back from the dead, Bobby would be telling them the same thing they’re telling him now.

Well, one good thing about Sam getting attacked by that old woman is that we know you don’t have to do anything special to kill them

Bobby, come on.

Look…the level of planning Dean’s doing to go kill Bobby’s wife is exactly the level that Cas did to get Famine’s ring yesterday. Surface level to the extreme

Oh Jody…now I see why you’re pro-zombie. Oh no…oh you poor woman. To get your son back and then lose both your son and your husband in the same night due to your son coming back. I can’t even imagine. Jody, I’m so sorry

Oof, Karen knows it’s over, but Bobby (predictably) can’t do it. He can’t kill her again

Aw come on…I wanna know the messagggggge

Oh Bobby. He did it. He had to, but that doesn’t make it hurt less

WHY ARE THEY SO FOCUSED ON KILLING BOBBY AND/OR DEAN? Unless Bobby is somehow responsible for their deaths too?? Maybe??? I dunno. Are we gonna get closure on that?

This must be so hard to do a second time.

Oh…this whoooooole thing was a hit on Bobby’s life.

“Been On My Mind…”: Nope. 9

“Turn Left”

Plot Description: Donna's entire world collapses, but there's no sign of the Doctor. Instead, she finds help from a mysterious blonde woman - a traveler from a parallel universe

(First things first, HBO Max spelled traveler wrong in their plot description...just needed to get that out of the way)

I'm not ready at all for this episode. I feel like I JUST. GOT. Donna. (The episode just about every day all last week didn't help, but I still want to complain)

*blinks slowly* they were going to pay her HOW MUCH a year? to be a secretary? 20k a year? adjusted for inflation and converted to USD, no. No absolutely not. Well, I suppose if you had multiple wage earners in the house, sure. Anyway...

Normalize making what turn out to be life altering decisions out of spite. I love that for you, Donna.

You can take the companion away from the TARDIS but you can't take the instinct to run toward danger away from the companion

There's so much I've forgotten (fitting) about these episodes because I rarely went back to these in particular. They're so painful. So, yeah, I forgot the Doctor straight up dies.

Rose came all the way across universes just to find out the Doctor died.

Way to go, Mama Noble, making Donna take the job where she's just gonna get laid off because half of he employer's contracts are on the other side of London and they can't cross the Thames.

YES, DONNA!!! GO OUT LOUD AND TOXIC!! This is cathartic for me.

Watching this in 2023 is...something, for sure. Wilf's (rightly) going on about how there's solid proof of alien life, and how it's coming to Earth, and it's not friendly. All the while, Donna and her mom are (also correctly) still having to deal with the minutia of daily life. (Adore that Donna stole Beatrice's label stapler.)

I don't like that Donna and Rose don't get along here. Darkest timeline.

WILF IN HIS TWO PAIRS OF CHRISTMAS ANTLERSSSSSSS <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Oh...oh, shit. Girl..."is that like a sequel?" TO TITANIC??

"America is in crisis" bitch, you are telling me. OKAY HANG ON NOW. I was on board with you when you said that the country I live in is in crisis, but I will always draw the line at the fatphobic comments about Americans...

GODDDDD this episode is depressing. Like. I've seen this episode of Supernatural, that one sucked, too. I don't like watching all the things our protagonists accomplished, all the people they saved....be....not that. (I'm tired. It's nearly 11pm because I was dreading watching this)

Oh god...this family Donna and her family have been living with. Fuck. FUCK. The Donna I know wouldn't be this oblivious to what's actually happening around her. The knowing looks exchanged between the patriarch of that family and Wilf...it's heartbreaking

I hate Donna's mom so much. How dare she.

Oh,...that's what Rose meant when she told Donna she was going to die. She's going to cause the accident that forces...herself to turn left

The Doctor's reaction to hearing Bad Wolf once more...

[quicksilversquared]

The (Not-So) Truther

When a corrupted butterfly flutters by, Lila doesn't hesitate to grab it and hijack the intended akuma form for her own use. Now called the Truther, she forces people to tell lies.

...it's really unfortunate that neither she nor Hawkmoth managed to think her powers all the way through.

*Note: Written pre-season 4 release; as such, it is not S4 compliant.

links in the reblog

"I wanted to help out with the project, but there was a family emergency," Susanna insisted, widening her eyes. "My cousin got hit by a car, and we all needed to help support my aunt. I didn't even have the time to text you guys or email Mendeleev and ask for an extension."

Debbie narrowed her eyes. "And let me guess, you want us to just ignore that we did all of your work for you and not tell Mendeleev that you were completely useless as a group member?"

Susanna gasped, throwing in a sniffle at the last moment. "But I didn't mean to be, there was a family emergency!"

"Just like the last time we had a group project, and the time before that, too?"

"I have a large family!"

"And that large family needs the help and support of a random thirteen-year-old cousin whenever things happen? So much help that you don't even have the time to text?"

"Guys, guys, calm down," Jean-Paul told them, stepping between the two girls. He looked over at Debbie imploringly. "Debs, it's not that big of a deal. It wasn't a large project."

Debbie scowled at him, already feeling her blood pressure starting to rise. All he ever did was make excuses for Susanna, even when she deserved neither excuses nor any sort of help at all. "So it shouldn't have been hard for her to do her part! And it got assigned last Wednesday. You could have started working on it then!"

"I had other stuff to do during the week and I thought that my weekend would be free!"

"Debbie, it's a family emergency, just drop it," Jean-Paul insisted. "Wouldn't you want us to be understanding if you were the one with the emergency and you couldn't get the work done?"

Debbie was pretty sure that she was seeing red. "If I had a family emergency, I would have taken the two seconds that it takes to send a text and let people know ahead of time! And I wouldn't make up a family emergency just because I'm too spoiled to help!"

Susanna reeled back. "You think that I'm lying? That's so- so-"

"It's out of line," Jean-Paul finished. He was frowning at Debbie now. "You can't just go around accusing people of lying without evidence! That's just mean." He turned to Susanna. "C'mon, let's go. I'll tell Mendeleev that you helped, then it'll be two against one."

With that, Debbie's two team members turned and left, leaving Debbie standing in the hallway and staring after them, absolutely incensed. How dumb could Jean-Paul be? It was obvious to anyone with a brain that Susanna was lying and just taking advantage of his crush on her to get out of the consequences of not helping with their group project. And now he was going to tell Mendeleev that Susanna had helped, he was going to lie for her!

Debbie. Was. Mad.

For several minutes, she stewed to herself in the hallway. How was she supposed to prove that she was right and Susanna was a liar who deserved a big fat zero on the project? Jessie was right, two against one saying that Susanna had helped would make Madam Mendeleev believe them over her. There wasn't any way to prove that she was telling the truth.

...or was there? After all, she still had the texts from the entire weekend, their group chat where she and Jean-Paul had essentially planned the whole project by themselves. And the site that they had used to put together their presentation recorded edits and how much time people had spent working on it. Both would prove that Susanna hadn't done any work, and then Madam Mendeleev could reach out to Susanna's family herself to ask about the family emergency and see if it really existed. Their teacher wasn't unreasonable, unlike Ms. Bustier. She would listen if Debbie had the evidence.

Already feeling better, Debbie headed towards her classroom, a bit of a spring in her step. She wouldn't be able to approach her teacher right away- class had already started while she was busy stewing about Susanna and Jessie- but she would no doubt be held for a few minutes after class because of her tardy and she could talk to her teacher then. Their presentation wasn't going to be for a few periods yet, so she still had time.

Across the courtyard, there was a cackle of distinctly akuma-like laughter before the locker room door was casually tossed off of its hinges. Debbie took one look and dove for her class's door.

She didn't know who had been akumatized or why, but she was not going to get caught up in that mess if she could help it.

  Lila Rossi was the last person in the locker room. The bell had rung, the other students had gone to class, and she had been conveniently hidden away in a bathroom stall. She needed to be alone in the room to steal something- anything- from Chloe's locker and plant it in Marinette's.

She couldn't do the same thing that she had done before and plant one of her own possessions in Marinette's locker. No, doing the same thing twice in a row would be suspicious. But if she took something of Chloe's, the chances that the bratty blonde would notice and throw a fuss about it the next time she set foot in the locker room were high. And then, once she threw a fuss, everyone's lockers would be searched, and Marinette's reputation would be- well, not trashed right away, maybe, but it would be questioned.

And Lila wouldn't even have to lift a finger. Well, not once the initial stealing and placing of one of Chloe's things was done, that was.

Lila smirked, glancing around one more time before approaching the locker that she knew was Chloe's. She pulled it open, glanced around, and snagged a sparkly bracelet from the top shelf. It only took a minute to move it to Marinette's locker, and then Lila could move on and collect her own things. Before she could finish and leave the locker room, a purple butterfly caught her eye as it fluttered serenely across the room. Lila paused for a moment, wondering who might have attracted the akuma in the first place for half a second before she decided that it didn't matter. The original recipient didn't deserve whatever powers Hawkmoth was giving out today. Without even a second's hesitation, she pounced on the akuma. "Hawkmoth!"

"Hello, Truther," Hawkmoth's voice echoed in her head. "I am Hawkmoth. You're tired of people telling li-" He paused. "Ms. Rossi. Again?" There was a sigh. "Very well. You can take be the new Truther."

Lila screwed up her nose immediately, disgusted at the very idea. "Truther? Why would I want to make them tell the truth? Then my reputation-"

"You didn't let me finish," Hawkmoth cut across smoothly. "Your name will be the Truther, and your powers will force people to answer any question they're asked... untruthfully."

A grin appeared on Lila's face as she realized just what Hawkmoth was suggesting. How it was supposed to help him, she had no idea, but it would certainly help her. "So if I hit Ladybug with my powers and ask her if she's besties with Lila Rossi, for example, her answer will be..."

"Yes, of course, absolute best friends."

"And if I get that brat Marinette and ask why she thinks that I'm lying- if I ask her if she can prove any of my stories false-"

"She'll say that she is jealous or something similar, and that she can't prove that a single thing is fake."

"Fantastic." Lila's smirk turned vicious, and a cloud of purple enveloped her for a moment. When it cleared, the Truther stepped forward. "Time for me to go tear some people down and cement my reputation for good."

  Class had just started and Ms. Bustier was in the middle of taking attendance when the door burst open and an akuma stomped through. Marinette took one look at the akuma and her sausage-roll hair and promptly dove under the desk and out of sight before the akuma had the chance to see her.

She didn't know what had caused Lila's latest akumatization, but it was better to play it safe rather than sorry when it came to Lila-kumas. The chances that Lila was going to target her for absolutely no good reason were just too high.

Next to Marinette, Alya gasped and whipped out her phone right away. "Ladybloggers, sound the akuma alert! We have a new akuma at Collège Francois-Dupont! We don't know a name or powers yet, but-"

"I am the Truther, and I am tired of being called a liar by jealous people!" the akuma announced, and Marinette raised an eyebrow. Seriously? The Truther? That was just bizarre, considering Lila's everything. "And I make people tell the truth!"

"Marinette, what did you do?" Alya hissed. "Did you two-"

"I hadn't even seen her this morning," Marinette hissed back, already ticked off. Something about this whole situation wasn't right. The sooner she could get out of here- without getting hit- the better. She didn't trust the Truter or her powers at all. "Someone else must have called her out on her ridiculous stories."

Alya sighed. "Marinette..."

"Why would you get truth powers?" Adrien asked dubiously, standing up at his desk. Marinette very nearly screeched what are you doing?, but stopped herself just in time. She was Ladybug, she had to get out of the classroom without getting hit. "Out of everyone in this classroom, it makes the least sense for you to get powers to make people tell the truth!"

The Truther pressed a hand to her chest, looking offended. "Really, that's so hurtful! You doubt my integrity? Why else would I have gotten powers like this?"

Adrien frowned. "Uh..."

"And for doubting me, you'll be my first subject!" The Truther announced, pointing her baton at Adrien. There was a flash of light before Adrien could dodge, and then the akuma smirked at him. "And for our first demonstration- what do you think of Lila Rossi?"

"She's kind, honest, pretty, and fun to work with," Adrien said at once. His features screwed up as soon as he finished talking. "Uh..."

He glanced back at the class, his gaze catching on Marinette as confusion flashed across his face. The Truther preened.

"You see? I force people to tell the actual truth. People lie to other people, they lie to themselves." The Truther bared her teeth, triumphant. "And the truth tells me that you don't actually think that I'm a liar!"

Marinette frowned from her hiding spot. She knew full well that Adrien did think that Lila was a liar- he knew that she was a liar. He hated working with her, because she was clingy and didn't respect his space and didn't listen to directions during photoshoots. He always said that she was borderline cruel when they were alone and she wasn't playing a part for other people. So what...

Did the Truther's powers make people give answers that she liked? Or was it simpler- maybe it just made people tell lies? The opposite of what they were thinking?

Either way, this could easily turn into a disaster. Unless other people caught on to what Lila's powers actually were, Lila could have her reputation cemented by the end of the day.

(She could not let Ladybug get hit. That- that could be a disaster, depending on what questions the Truther asked.)

But how could she figure out what the Truther's powers actually were? She had to do that in order to figure out how to expose it to everyone else in the class. And to do that...

Unfortunately, she was going to have to give away the fact that she was in the classroom after all. It would be better if she didn't have to do that- it would make it easier for her to get away-

"Wait, dude, I thought that you didn't like working with Lila," Nino objected. "I asked you about it before and you said that she was a pain to work with. But you actually did like working with her? Why would you say that you didn't, then?"

"I was worried about making other people upset," Adrien said at once. "If I admitted that I was actually having fun, I might offend- might offend others."

Marinette forced herself to block out both that and Alya's whispered "see?". It was the Truther's anti-truth powers that were making Adrien say that, which meant that it wasn't anywhere close to the truth. She couldn't get distracted by any of that. She had to focus on the important stuff, like the fact that Nino's comment-slash-question meant that the Truther's powers applied to questions that other people asked, not just what the akuma asked. Which meant that if Marinette asked any questions, the powers would still come into play. But she still didn't want to give away her position. With Adrien under the Truther's powers, Marinette was the next obvious target.

Maybe Alya could ask for her? Yes, that was a great idea!

"Alya," Marinette hissed. keeping her voice low. "Ask Adrien what color the sky is."

Alya shot her a baffled look. "What color- why?"

"Please!"

Alya shot her another look, then turned back to the front. "Adrien, what color is the sky right now?"

Adrien turned to Alya, clearly confused. "It's bright orange."

There was a pause, and then his confusion turned into a grin as Alya frowned, clearly thrown off. Marinette grinned from her hiding spot, absolutely thrilled.

The Truther's powers made people give an opposite answer to the truth, and not just about Lila-related questions. That made things a whole lot easier.

"Ask him what the name of your blog is!" Marinette hissed from her spot. Alya hesitated, then nodded.

"What's the name of my Ladybug blog?"

"The Cat Chat."

"What does Mr. Agreste do for his job?" Marinette prompted. This time, there was no hesitation from Alya.

"What does your father do for a living?"

"He cleans toilets."

"Wait, what the heck is going on?" Nino demanded, standing up. "Literally none of those answers are right!"

"I think," Alya said slowly, realization clearly dawning, "that Little Miss Truther is actually Little Miss Anti-Truther. Answers are the opposite of reality with her." She scowled, turning her phone towards the akuma. "Which, if that is what her powers actually are...that makes me wonder if she was actually lying when she told us all of her stories. She's trying to suppress the truth!"

The Truther snarled and stomped. "That's a lie! I expose the truth!"

"Then explain Adrien's answers!" Nino demanded, straightening up and glaring at the akuma. "When Alya asked him questions, all of his answers were obviously lies. And don't try to claim that he was doing it on purpose to discredit you!" Nino added, jabbing a finger at the Truther. "Adrien clearly had no idea what she was trying to do when she asked her first question!"

The Truther let out a scream of frustration. "He's an actor! Clearly he was acting-"

"You said that your powers make people tell the truth in response to questions, though," Alya chimed in. "No amount of acting is going to be able to override akuma powers!"

"He is, though! And-" The Truther paused, clearly trying to come up with an excuse. "My powers only work when I'm the one asking the question. He's just exploiting a loophole."

"Really." Alya crossed her arms, unimpressed. "Then you ask Adrien what his father does for a living, then!"

"No!"

"If what you said is true, it shouldn't be a problem!" Alix chimed in, surging to her feet as well. "The fact that you're refusing proves that it's a lie!"

"Yeah!"

"Exactly!"

"What a loser, I can't believe that we believed her!"

The Truther shook her head, panic flashing across her face briefly. Clearly she hadn't expected this to happen. "No, you aren't giving me the chance to explain-"

"The chance to come up with more lies, you mean!" Kim yelled. "We aren't fooled anymore, Truther! And because Alya's streaming live, the rest of Paris isn't going to be fooled either!"

The Truther screamed, then dove for Alya. In the split-second before she was tackled, Alya flashed a look at Marinette.

"Run! You're going to be her target next!"

Marinette ran, bolting out of her hiding spot.

"That was really quick thinking, Marinette!" Tikki piped up as Marinette raced down the hallway. If she could get to the library, she could transform, go out the windows there, and then burst through the window of Ms. Bustier's classroom. "Now no one will believe anything that the Truther or Lila says! I was really worried for a minute there that she would force you and Adrien to discredit yourselves!"

"I was worried, too," Marinette admitted. "With those powers, and that name... but at least it backfired!"

If it hadn't, if Alya had given Marinette's location away and she had gotten hit... unless the Truther's powers came to light in some other way, that could have destroyed any chance of ever getting the rest of the class to believe her about Lila's lies. Even if she tried to explain things later on, she would have already been forced to discredit herself and no one would believe a single thing that she was saying.

Not that they had before, either, but there wouldn't even be a glimmer of doubt in their eyes if the Truther had been successful. And that would be super frustrating.

With a gulp, Marinette wondered if that would have been the thing to drive her to akumatization. She probably would have felt absolutely helpless to change anything and furious at Lila, trapped like a caged animal.

It was a scary picture, but at least that possibility was gone.

"We're safe," Marinette told Tikki when she got to a secluded corner of the library. She gave a determined nod to her kwami, already in Superhero Mode. "Now let's go catch ourselves a liar!"

  With the entire basis of her powers already debunked and an entire class ticked off at Lila, it didn't take long at all to bring the Truther down. The remainder of Ms. Bustier's class had already half-contained the akuma by the time Ladybug burst through the windows, and with them holding the Truther down, she couldn't throw any blasts at Ladybug. It only took a minute to find the possessed item- a bracelet- and then Ladybug was smashing it and releasing the corrupted butterfly. One purification and a Cure later, and Lila was left sulking in the middle of the classroom floor.

Ladybug frowned at that, slightly puzzled. Usually akuma victims were left somewhat disoriented after they were akumatized. None of them ever remembered what they had done during the akumatization. Everything from when the darkness bubbled over them to the purification was left a blank.

And yet Lila clearly knew that that her lies had been outed while she was akumatized. There was no reason for her to be so sulky already otherwise.

So what did that mean? She would have to talk to Tikki later and see if her kwami might have any ideas. Normally she might suspect that Lila's apparent lack of memory loss had to do with the number of times that she had been akumatized, but Mr. Ramier had been akumatized a ton of times and always seemed to have a moment of "huh?" whenever he came out of it.

...did Lila's response maybe indicate that the akumatization had been a choice?

There wouldn't be any way to prove that if it was true, Ladybug knew. It wasn't like Lila would actually tell her the truth if she asked about it. But it was something that she might have to keep an eye on in the future.

"I would ask if you and Lila were actually friends or not, but I think I might know the answer already," Alya told Ladybug dryly, rubbing at her elbow absently. The Miraculous Cure might have fixed all of the assorted injuries that people had gotten for fighting an akuma without superpowers, but sometimes phantom pains from the injuries that people had gotten lingered for a few minutes. "Wow, that akumatization sure backfired on her. I bet she's ticked off at Hawkmoth right now."

Ladybug had to grin at that. "Yeah, we definitely aren't friends of any sort. And, uh." She paused, unsure about if she wanted to continue. On one hand, it would really help if she could get more evidence either confirming or denying Lila's willing participation in her akumatization, and now that Alya had caught on to the lies, she would definitely be all over that. On the other hand, if she was wrong and Lila hadn't gotten akumatized on purpose, then she might just be stirring things up in the classroom even more. She warred with herself for a moment, then decided to go for it. If it made things worse for Lila, well, Lila deserved it. "I kind of found the akumatization really weird. Like, had anyone even talked to Lila today?"

Alya frowned at that. "Huh. I- I don't know for sure, but I don't think so. The only people who have ever obviously not liked Lila were Adrien and Marinette, and they had gone up to the classroom before Lila even got to school. Then I think Lila went to the bathroom, and- actually, I didn't see her again before I came up, and I was down there practically until the bell rang." She looked at Ladybug and gasped. "Do- do you think that she got akumatized on purpose?"

Well, yes, but Ladybug wasn't about to say that. "I don't know, but I am curious. Do you think that you could maybe do a little investigative work for me and see if anyone talked to Lila this morning before she got akumatized? Talked and implied that she was lying, that is. Or if there was anyone else in the school today who was upset about someone lying, because maybe they would have been Hawkmoth's initial target."

Alya was already nodding. "Yeah, I'll do that! And I'll tell you next time I see you- if it's safe, I know, I know!" she added before Ladybug could say anything. "I'm not going to take any risks or get in your way during a fight!"

Ladybug doubted that a little bit- Alya could sometimes be really single-minded when recording for the Ladyblog and often put herself in dangerous situations without fully realized it- but she appreciated the thought. "Right. And it's not, like, urgent information," she told Alya. "It's not like we could really do anything about it, since akuma victims are off-limits prosecution-wise and we can't prove anything. But it would just be interesting information for the future. So seriously, there's no rush to tell me as soon as you find out, whenever's fine."

(She would almost definitely be getting updates from Alya as Marinette as well, so really, it didn't matter when Ladybug was told.)

Alya nodded, clearly still determined to gather her data as quickly and thoroughly as possible. "Of course! And- and thank you for trusting me with the job after I, uh, didn't fact-check Lila at all before," she added, a little quieter. "I'll do better in the future."

"I'm glad to hear that! But for now- bug out!" Ladybug flashed the class- well, besides Lila, who was still scowling, and Adrien, who had vanished- a smile, then cast out her yo-yo and zipped off before she could start laughing at Lila's misfortune.

Really, if Lila had willingly been akumatized, that was possibly the funniest thing to happen in a while. It had backfired on her spectacularly, destroying all of her credibility in one go. No one was going to believe her now, and unless Ladybug's ears had been deceiving her, Ms. Bustier had already been on the phone with Lila's mom by the time she took off. Lila's kingdom was falling down around her ears, and there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop it now.

And really, it was all thanks to Hawkmoth.

[blarrghe]

wip wednesday thursday

Tagged by @midnightprelude @noire-pandora and @transfenris-truther thanks all! It is Thursday and idk who did this already so just do it if you didn't. I dare you.

Anyway, I have been writing nothing but angst! Going through Matchsies and adding in some more flashbacks where bad things are happening so that I can make them good again. They've all come so far let's all cry together.

Like that one time, when Taren and The Iron Bull got in a big ol' fight...

--

“And what is making you so tired all the time, T? You look like shit.”

“Maker’s ass, thanks,” Taren muttered, back still turned. “This has been a really nice conversation.” He slung his bag back over one shoulder, took a few more steps towards the door.

“That’s not — T, I’m worried. We’re worried.”

Taren spun. “Well don’t be,” he said, “worry about your own relationships.” He didn’t say, oh wait that’s right you’ve never even been in one, but he knew that, and The Iron Bull felt it anyway. What he did say was, “better yet, worry about this place.”

“I do.” The Iron Bull was growling again. “As much as you.”

“Do you?” There was a very short lived look of regret to follow that quick and forceful snap, but then Taren blinked it away.

“Yeah. I do.”

And they stood staring at one another for a while, Taren with eyes that despite their tired, dark circles were bright and blazing, The Iron Bull with a glare that could shake the knees of decorated generals — he knew because it had.

Eventually, Taren blinked first. “I get nightmares,” he said. “Ok? If you really want to know what's wrong with me, it’s not him, it's just me. This time of year, I get really bad ones. Haven’t slept much all month but he helps, he’s there for me when I need —” the admission hit a snag, catching on the word need and turning from the annoyed tone of someone who was just giving his interrogator something so he’d go away, to some inner thought he wasn’t going to say. But he didn’t need to. That pause said it all. “When I need him.”

The Iron Bull frowned. “Ok,” he allowed, “good. He had better be.”

“Or what, The Iron Bull?” Taren had called him nothing but that at first; most people did. He’d make a big show of the name, give his little half-joke of an explanation that the article made him sound dangerous. He didn’t like being called “Iron Bull”, and calling him that meant something too, but for friends and family, just “Bull” was standard. Taren voiced the whole name now like he was unimpressed by it. The Iron Bull, a violent thing. “You'll try to start another fight?”

“I didn't start shit, be glad I didn't.” The Iron Bull replied, fully in character.

“Glad?!” Taren gaped at him, like he wanted to go on a whole new rant, then he clamped his mouth down into a tight scowl.

“I ever have to start shit with that asshole, I'm finishing it too.”

Taren was still holding it back, standing by the door in a posture of pure frustration. Hands balled to fists, too much tension in his high shoulders, feet squared and ready. Maybe this time he’d punch him.

Or deflate. “Look, I’m sorry the party sucked. I just didn't sleep, wasn’t feeling it, so thank you for your concern but I’m fine.” He crossed his arms tight, but his shoulders sank back down.

There were still metres between them, Taren at the door and The Bull still back by the desk. Satisfied that he wouldn’t have to catch any fists, The Iron Bull relaxed his posture too, more deliberately. He let a breath of hot air out into a sigh of relief, and shook his head.

“Why don’t you come out with me and the Chargers later. If you want, you can tell Grim about those nightmares, he’s really good with that stuff —”

“No thanks, I’m good.” He was very not-good, all that anger still crunching through his teeth when he spoke.

“T, if you’re having flashbacks — we’re all soldiers, you know, we’ve all been there. I was special forces, I know what it’s like —”

“ — well I wasn’t.” Taren cut him off in a full tilt of too-pained anger. “I wasn’t a soldier, I’m not special fucking forces, and I don’t want to be — I’m not interested in fighting for fun or telling my war stories or any of that shit.”

“I’m just saying, you can come over. Talk to the guys. You're one of us and —”

“I’m not one of you.” He said that just like he’d said The Iron Bull. “I don’t want to be one of your fucking Chargers!”

Then he turned again, and left without another word.

The Iron Bull waited to see if he’d change his mind, make any sign, even an angry one. The thing about the knuckle tattoos was that you could never flip a fellow Charger all the way off. And Taren didn’t, he just clenched his fists and marched away.

[duhragonball]

Battle Tendency Liveblog: JJBA Ch. 65-66

This is the start of the “Ultimate Warriors from Ancient Times” arc, but I want to focus on these two chapters because they feature Mark.   I’ve got a lot to say about Mark under the cut, but the short version is that he’s a lousy Nazi and he deserves everything that happens to him.

A large chunk of Chapter 65 is just Caesar hanging out in Joseph and Speedwagon’s hotel room.   They try to play cards, but they’re both cheats.  This wouldn’t bother me at all until Speedwagon points out that he’s been here for eight hours, and never bothered to explain why.   You’d think Joseph would have demanded an answer a long time ago, since he’s not known for patience.  

As it turns out, Caesar’s been waiting for Mark, a buddy of his in the German Army.   Stroheim was in the German Army too, and he told Joseph that the Nazis had discovered three other Pillar Men in Rome.   That’s why he and Speedwagon came here, after all.    Well, Caesar’s an Italian, and Italy and Germany are allies, so Caesar managed to persuade the Germans (through Mark) to let him take a look at the Pillar Men.    So in this chapter, Mark rolls up in a car and drives them over to the site. 

But we already know what happened at the site in Chapter 64.   The Pillar Men have already reawakened, and all the Nazi soldiers stationed there have been slaughtered.   When Mark leads our heroes into the catacombs, they find the remains of the Germans, while Mark bumps into the Pillar Men themselves.  (Note: the above image is not to scale).

The thing is, bumping into the Pillar Men is hazardous to your health.    We saw that vampire grab Santana and large chunks of his body were completely absorbed.   The same thing happens to Mark, only faster, because Wamuu doesn’t even slow down as he walks past him.    He just walks right through Mark and half of his body is gone.  

So when I first watched the JoJo anime, it was right after I watched the Hellsing Ultimate anime, and I got a kick out of seeing two completely different anime takes on vampire lore.   Let’s face it, the Pillar Men are presented as something beyond mere vampires, but they’re basically just super-vampires, not so different from Alucard in Hellsing.    And both make use of the Nazis, except in Hellsing, the Nazis are the villains, while in Battle Tendency, they’re kinda sorta allies.  Stroheim is clearly a bad guy, because he killed his prisoners and tormented Speedwagon, but Mark is presented as a completely sympathetic person.   He’s got a sweetheart back home, Caesar’s the one who introduced them, and he’s planning to get married the next time he goes back to Germany.   And for his very brief appearance in JJBA, he’s completely friendly and helpful to the heroes.   We’re supposed to feel very sorry for him when he gets killed here.  

Part 2 is my favorite, but I think this stands out as it’s biggest flaw.   I get the idea.    Hellsing was dealing with a lot of dark themes, and the protagonists were horrifying in their own right.   So Kouta Hirano used the Nazis as villains to humanize his vampire characters.    By contrast, Hirohiko Araki seems to be using the Nazis to dehumanize the Pillar Men.   They’re so evil that even the Nazis look halfway decent by comparison.   At least the Nazis are human, with human loves and fears and honor.    The Pillar Men kill Mark without even noticing him, and Speedwagon likens this to a human stepping on an ant.     I get what Araki is trying to do here, but it rings hollow.    Fuck Mark, and fuck his Nazi fiance.  The first time we see him, we get a close up of his Iron Cross medal, with the damn swastika in the middle of it.    We’re supposed to buy into the idea that he’s “one of the good Germans”, and it’s 1938, so World War II hasn’t officially started yet, so somehow Mark is supposed to be cool.   But no, I don’t buy it.

Let me go off on a little sidebar and try to explain how we got here.   Battle Tendency was published in 1988.   Back then, Hitler had been dead for decades, and Germany had been partitioned into two countries, East and West Germany.   The Nazis seemed to have been consigned to the dustbin of history, and as time passed, pop culture grew more comfortable using the Nazis as historical villains in stories like this one.    There was a sense that yeah, the Nazis were really bad, but they were gone now, and they would never come back.   I think there was a similar mentality surrounding the Soviet Union after the U.S.S.R. dissolved.    By the 2000′s there were all sorts of internet memes about Nazi stuff and Soviet stuff and it was rationalized as harmless envelope-pushing. 

The problem is, it doesn’t seem so harmless in 2021, when Russia is a autocracy that meddles in U.S. elections, emboldening white nationalists in the process.   The “alt-right” fanatics who marched in Charlottesville in 2017?   The rioters who stormed the Capitol building this past January?   Those assholes probably wouldn’t call themselves Nazis, but neither did the Nazis.   They called themselves “National Socialists”, because they were trying to make their ugly policies sound more legitimate.   The same holds true for “alt-right”, “economic nationalist”, “Qanon”, “truther”, and so on.   They’re just new labels for the same old horseshit.  

I don’t want to judge Battle Tendency too harshly, because it’s the product of a different time, an era when people could at least pretend that Nazism was one of the few problems that we didn’t have to worry about any more.   The same mentality can be found in Hellsing.   The Nazis in Hellsing are definitely villains, but the conceit is that they’re all immortal vampires or werewolves, because that’s the only way the Nazi menace could possibly exist in 1999.    Otherwise, they’d all be dead of old age.   Battle Tendency is set in 1938, so it takes the liberty of presenting sympathetic Nazis, because we already know they’ll be defeated in the end, right?   We might as well see what makes them tick.  

Araki may have thought that using Nazis in a story set in the 1930s would be no different than using Napoleonic French soldiers in a story set in the 1800s.  And in the long run, that might be true, but I don’t think we’re there yet.   In the here and now, it’s aged rather poorly.  

Of course, just because Caesar and Joseph feel bad for Mark doesn’t mean I have to.   And Araki may have been more self-aware than I’m giving him credit for.    Nazi Germany wanted to set itself up as the Master Race, and in this fictional world, the Pillar Men have come to do the same thing, only they’re much, much further ahead of the game.   I think part of the point of Stroheim and Mark was to contrast the Nazis’ supreamcist attitudes with Kars’ ambitions.   For all of Stroheim’s boasting, he’s helpless against Kars’ might.   But at the same time, for all of Kars’ power and brilliance, he’s ultimately chasing the same pipe dream as Hilter and his followers.  

Let’s get back on track.    While the good guys react in horror at what happened to Mark, the Pillar Men just stand around nearby and discuss their situation.   They completely ignore our heroes, just like they ignored Mark.   Kars wants to locate the Red Stone of Aja, because it’s the secret ingredient to the mask he designed that will make them immune to sunlight.   Esidisi doesn’t understand how the stone helps their plan, but he’s totally on board.    But as they head out, Wamuu suddenly attacks Kars, because Kars stepped in his shadow, and apparently Wamuu just lashes out at anyone who does this, friend or foe.   

Wamuu is deeply sorry for this, and begs to be punished, but Kars apologizes instead, because he knows about Wamuu’s whole shadow thing and he feels that he’s the one who made the mistake here.  I really love this exchange, because it defines the Pillar Men so well.    As indifferent as they are to human lives, they respect one another a great deal.   Kars is the leader, but he still treats the other two guys like close associates.    He needs Wamuu’s sharp senses and keen warrior instincts.   Meanwhile, Wamuu and Eisidisi practically worship Kars like a god.   They’ve literally followed him around the world and across thousands of years in pursuit of his vision. 

So yeah, if the goal here was to use Mark’s suffering to make me hate the Pillar Men, it doesn’t work.  The Pillar Men are evil, sure, but they’re pretty cool bad guys.   On the other hand, Mark looks ridiculous here, with Caesar holding and talking to half of his body.   This looks like something out of a Tex Avery cartoon.   

I mean, let’s set aside the whole Nazi thing for a moment.   Why should I feel sorry for Mark?  Because he’s in pain?   He got cut in half!   He should have died instantly!    Because he was going to get married?   We only met this guy one chapter ago!   Because he’s Caesar’s friend?  Well Caesar’s kind of a jerk too.  

Anyway, Mark begs Caesar to kill him and end his suffering, so Caesar uses the Ripple to stop his heart.    Or the half of it that’s still there, I guess.   

Okay, so the whole point of Mark’s death is to really get the good guys fired up to battle the Pillar Men, right?    Okay, Caesar tries to take them on, and he opens with the Bubble Launcher, the same move he talked about earlier.   It didn’t beat Joseph, but Caesar’s Hamon power does hurt Wamuu’s skin, which is more than Joseph managed to do against Santana.  

The Bubble Launcher is supposed to surround the opponent with dozens of soap bubbles charged with Hamon energy.  Wamuu can’t escape without touching them and getting hurt.   But Wamuu just sprouts all these long braids from his head and clothes, and swings them around with superhuman precision to know the bubbles away without hurting himself.  

As it turns out, these Pillar Men are familiar with Hamon.   Santana was surprised to encounter Joseph Joestar’s powers, but Wamuu and the others have fought Ripple users in the past.    And Wamuu’s more intrigued than worried...

Oh, as one final aside, on the car ride to the catacombs, Speedwagon asked Caesar if he tried to use the Ripple to destroy the Pillar Men before they woke up, and Caesar explains that it didn’t work while they were in their dormant state.   Remember, at the very start of this story, Speedwagon called Straizo because he wanted someone to use the Ripple to destroy Santana before he could wake up.   Now we see that even if Straizo had agreed to his request, it wouldn’t have done any good.   Sunlight doesn’t seem to kill the Pillar Men so much as it makes them turn to stone, and the Ripple only hurts them while they’re flesh and blood.   So the only way to kill them seems to be by using Hamon in a direct confrontation, and that’s a tall order...

[poguesgold]

how did you feel about season? i know most people liked it better than season 1 but i’m not sure how i feel yet🤔 might need to rewatch it

okay this ended up soooo long so i'm giving a tl;dr review here and if anyone cares to read my insanely long thought dump you can feel free. this part is spoiler free also!!

cons: i think they should have further developed the s1 storyline rather than conjuring up an entirely new treasure and conflict; i don't think they did the characters justice a lot of the time, particularly kie and jj; too much yelling and running not enough hanging out; the finale cliff hanger was a stupid writing choice

pros: cleo!!; pope-centric plotline!!!; amazing jjpope moments in the improv sequences; never a boring moment; rafebarry oh my god????; neck kiss shirtless wrestling holding hands standing unnecessarily close jjpope rot; just a straight up nine hour long adrenaline rush and i love that shit.

overall: i definitely did not like it more than s1, but i still REALLY loved it. i think it's worth the watch, just don't go into it expecting good writing or realistic injuries or a comprehensive plot LMFAO. what saves the season is the pogues' chemistry and their improv sequences, for real. and cleo. you WILL get angry about the shitty script and characterization if you’re really invested in that part of things, but as far as vibes and dopamine high it was awesome. it was a fun watch and i'll definitely rewatch at least once to soak it in properly

please this is going to be soooo long i apologize in advance. but i have a lot of thoughts. also ⚠️⚠️spoilers ahead!!⚠️⚠️

most of this review is going to be criticisms tbh so sorry for that but this show kinda sucks (affectionately<3)

i thought season 2 was an absolute TRAINWRECK as far as writing goes. jonas pate was basically like. this season we're going to have an even BIGGER and BETTER treasure!!! but the exact same thing is going to happen. like. we already had gold. and that's what they were going to the bahamas for at the end of season 1 for anyway????? it would have been so easy to just develop the original storyline further, i just cannot figure out why they would completely abandon it for another mediocre storyline. (i LOVED that this other mediocre storyline was pope-centric and the main character energy he was given this season. but. they. could have done that?? with the first storyline?????)

i hate that they brought big john back so so much. SO much. literally it was the stupidest most idiotic lazy cheesy plot choice in the world. it doesn't make sense, we like saw his literal bones at one point like his lifeless corpse, and WHY would they bring back a key character from the PREVIOUS ARC when they created an ENTIRELY NEW CONFLICT AND PLOTLINE FOR THIS SEASON???? jonas pate stuck it in for shock value and cliff hanger in hopes of securing a season 3, and i hate him for it. he's such a terrible writer white men have it so easy

someone in the neck kiss truthers discord earlier pointed out that jb's dead father returning after like a year and a half of thinking he was dead would probably be more traumatic that healing at this point, and i agree so much. also, you know that they're not going to use it for good either way. they're going to use his dad coming back as a way to further traumatize him somehow because obx writers are jombeephobic. and i wouldn't put it past them to bring him back just to kill him off again. jonas pate wants to write john b torture porn and i am TIRED of it

my least favorite thing about season 2 was the characterization. they really did just disregard the characters they created in season 1. kie was completely ooc for like three episodes, and it wasn't because she was mourning. it was just shitty writing. she had no character outside of her relationships this season, which has been my fear from the very beginning and why i have never wanted kie with any of the pogues. season 2 diminished her character to the female love interest, and that just sucked so bad for her.

whether you're a jjpope or not, season 2 completely changed their friendship dynamic. the only time we got glimpses of the season 1 jjpope dynamic was in the improv sequences when rudy and jd took it upon themselves. also during their hugs LMFAO. which is also an acting choice. the writing completely disregarded their friendship and dynamic. it was weird as fuck it was all weird. i also hated that kie and sarah's scripted interactions were just them talking about boys. another case of friendships again being completely disregarded for the cishet relationships. 

i just really feel like all of the characters were handled poorly this season, which is crazy because literally ALL we asked for was backstory and character development and pogue screentime. but jonas pate instead decided to write ten episodes of nonstop running and yelling and fuckinf adrenaline, with an ooc script. for funsies

i feel like the magic of season 1 was lost. the vibe of season 1 that makes it so comforting and rewatchable and lovely is sort of just lost in all the silly plot. we see snatches of it here and there, but they feel crammed between unnecessary action scenes and stunts and shouting when we would have been happy with ten episodes of the pogues hanging out in each other's bedrooms.

NOW IM GOING TO TALK THINGS I LIKED OKAY OKAY

i seriously DID love watching it. we pulled an all nighter in the neck truthers discord and binged the entire season and the adrenaline of that kept me going for the rest of the week. it was literally fucking insane absolutely batshit and i LOVED it. the writing was horrible but like. it's obx we know it isn't good LMFAOO. it's part of the charm

i definitely don't like it more than s1, but i did still like it a lot. i LOVED how pope centric it was, like he fr had such main character energy this season and it was wonderful. even though the storyline was weird and didn't make sense jd did so well lolol he did so wonderfully. i loved seeing pope get the attention he deserves this season.

JJPOPE MOMENTS. i was definitely sad they didn't have an arc to themselves like they did season 1, but oh my god jd and rudy FED US with jjpope improv moments this season. the NECK KISS? the WRESTLING? every single one of their hugs?????? they're insane. it sucked that they really didn't have any scenes alone but we take what we can get.

SPEAKING OF GAYS LET'S TALK ABOUT RAFEBARRY. because?? oh my god??? first season it was like a crack ship and then season 2 came out and... what are we supposed to do ignore it? they are literally??? gay????? it's jarring they're insane. i am so so invested in them it's kind of unreal how deep i got into this ship in such a short amount of time (follow @rafebarry babies <33)

cleo. i love cleo. the best new thing to come out of this season for sure. clarah is coming strong i can feel it and i am SO ready. i know that they're most likely going to move toward a cleopope romance next season, which i don't hate? i'm bothered only because a) it's obvious it's mostly being done to get pope out of the way for jiara, and b) i think people often push two dark-skinned characters into a ship just because they're both dark-skinned, and that yucks me out. but i will say i really liked their moments together in s2 and i think they could be really good together if they're canon s3 (which they probably will be.)

overall like. it was a fun watch. i retained like 2% of the plot i was just there for the vibes and dopamine high and that was totally fine. i want to take the pogues out of jonas pate’s greedy little white man fingers and give them the character and relationship development they deserve, but we can’t have it all i guess. the cinematography this season i think i liked better than season 1, wasn’t a huge fan of that weird yellow filter tho. also the lighting. obx lighting guys get demoted challenge. umm yeah season 1 supremacy but season 2 had amazing vibes

[gottawriteanegoortwo]

Yancy x Illinois - First Impressions Aren’t Always the Best

I decided to try properly writing Yanois, just to see how I’d manage it. After rewatching Illinois’ scenes, I think he would get on the nerves of the Yancy I write at first.

Word Count 2,122

(Read more because Illinois talks so much...)

-

Happy Trails Penitentiary was renowned for its rehabilitation initiatives. They had a wide variety of classes and visitors to help prisoners. Educational courses, chances to learn new skills, pen pal projects. Many prisoners would never have the opportunity for such experiences, and it was an integral part of helping them prepare for a better life outside of prison when their sentence was finished.

There was one visitor that most prisoners in Yancy’s ‘Gang’ adored. His name was Illinois, a renowned adventurer and archaeologist. Between his job in the university and research trips, he only had time to visit once every few months. It worked in his favour, as those that wanted to visit were able to to hear the various stories that Illinois was more than happy to tell. Not only that, it would encourage the small ‘fan club’ among the younger prisoners.

It was one of the few events that Yancy avoided. Something about Illinois rubbed him the wrong way. He was so arrogant and cocky, acting like the world revolved around him. It wasn’t an act, either. Yancy had spotted Illinois speaking to the Warden on his first visit two years earlier, and he acted the exact same way as he did in the talk that happened that day. After that, Yancy decided he didn’t want anything to do with the adventurer. But if Illinois were to ever become an inmate? Yancy would make sure Illinois had the snot beaten out of him within the first week.

Unfortunately, a lot of the Gang were of the opposite view, especially those around Yancy’s age. To them, Illinois walked straight out of an adventure movie and lived the ideal life. What prisoner didn’t dream of going exploring in uncharted territories? It meant that they would frequently share Illinois’ tales in rec yard when he came to visit. Yancy would roll his eyes, but keep quiet. Let them have their fun.

Today was the day that Illinois visited the prison. It had been over three months since the last visit, so there was an excited buzz among individuals in the Gang. Yancy spent the morning bracing himself. There was a talk after lunch that the others would go to, which would mean the rest of the afternoon and evening would be nothing but historical chatter and “Illinois is so cool!”. He would grumble, but he would keep that to himself. It wasn’t fair to deflate their excitement. He went to the library, found some random book and focused on that for the day. Then, once they had their excitement, it would die down and Yancy could enjoy more casual conversation.

Which was the plan… Until Bam-Bam pleaded for him to go to the last talk of the day. It turned out that his shift clashed with the talk everyone else they knew went to, and he didn’t want to go alone. Begrudgingly, Yancy closed the book, returned it to the shelf, and followed Bam-Bam. A flaw of being a loyal friend was knowing when to swallow your pride and do something you would rather not do.

-

When you go to something with low expectations, it can be incredibly difficult to feel the time was used in a worthwhile manner. Some might have memories of a teacher they hated, or a family gathering they had been dreading. This was a similar position to what Yancy found himself in. One of the ‘classrooms’ had been adjusted slightly to allow various displays to take center stage, with the chairs in neat rows in front of it. Bam-Bam and Yancy claimed two seats at the back, allowing the greaser to slouch in the chair with his arms crossed. Then, once more prisoners had arrived, the talk began.

On and on Illinois went, droning endlessly in that slow drawl. Yancy wished he had a TV remote to speed up the talking a fraction. Was Illinois focused on making sure everyone could understand him, or did he want to prolong the joy of hearing himself talk? It might have been more tolerable if Bam-Bam wasn’t genuinely engrossed in the lecture. They could have made amusing comments throughout. Instead, Yancy was stuck. Sure, history was interesting, but Illinois really drove home the stereotype of boring history teachers. The ‘adventures’ even sounded cliché and fake. Maybe he should have taken the book with him after all...

A painfully slow half hour passed. Once the talk was over, Illinois would literally open the floor to the other prisoners. The chairs would be pushed aside and those that wanted to look at the items Illinois brought were welcome to do so. Yancy was dragged along to view the pieces. Most of the articles were dated to be approximately eight thousand years old. What caught Bam-Bam’s attention was a stone carving that vaguely resembled a cat.

“Ahhh, I see the ‘White Jaguar’ has caught your attention.” Yancy had to repress a shudder at the smooth voice interrupting their own questions back and forth. Illinois stepped over, resting an arm against the perspex container. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she? A miracle we even found her in the first place. She was why I wasn’t able to visit like I said I would last month.” Bam-Bam’s eager question had Illinois chuckle and shake his hand dismissively. “Oh, I’m sure you two gentlemen have much better things to do than hear about how I nearly lost my right hand in my most recent adventure.” When Bam-Bam insisted otherwise, Illinois smirked (and Yancy nearly gagged).

“If you insist. While on our recent dig, I noticed one of the ruins had a floor panel that looked a little different from the rest. It took a little persuasion, but I got that pesky stone up. There, sprawled out before me, was a staircase leading down into the earth. I picked up one of the torches and made my way down. Slowly, I delved deeper into the darkness. One step gave way under me to set off a series of poison-dipped darts, but I was able to dodge them all without breaking a sweat.” Illinois continued, dramatically regaling every single trap that he encountered until he found the White Jaguar. When taking everything around it, he surmised that the owner of the house had been a thief. The jaguar motif was familiar, as he had noticed something similar in a nearby cave that had been repurposed at the time as a sacred spot.

“- Now, this heart of this cave was still guarded by ancient jaguar spirits. They rattled the large statues as I approached, obviously sensing the treasure I carried. In the middle, there was a jaguar’s head carved out of stone. Its jaw was open wide and I couldn’t help but feel as though it was just the right spot for this precious lady. But then, skeletons of what I assume were magic users from an era long gone by pounced and tried to wrestle the statue off me, but I was too fast for them. At last, I reached the carved head, put the White Jaguar in the mouth… and the stone head moved, trapping my arm in a ferocious bite!” He gestured to the cloth wrapped around his right wrist. It was unwrapped just enough to show the healing bite marks. “It had the strength to bite it clean off, but relented when it realised what I had done by offering my arm as blood payment to return -”

“Wait wait wait.” Yancy’s interruption had Bam-Bam elbow him, but it didn’t stop the objection. “That can’t be right. If youse managed to bring this back to where it’s meant to be, why the fuck is it here?”

“An excellent question. This is my recreation of it. I am no thief. I return artefacts to where they belong. Archaeology has a rotten connection with thievery, and I try to rectify the mistakes of my predecessors.”

“So then this entire thing could be bullshit!” Yancy scoffed. “Bam-Bam, this guy just got bitten by someone’s dog and has made this pile of baloney to hide that.”

“Are you accusing me of being a liar?”

“Well, I ain’t calling you a ‘truther’, that’s for sure!”

Yancy was ready for a proper argument. In fact, he was hoping for one. Instead… Illinois laughed, and it wasn’t that typical ‘cocky chuckle’. It was a bright, genuine laugh. He could almost see Bam-Bam go starry-eyed at such a rare moment. Typical Yancy. Getting more attention from Illinois when he wanted to rile him up.

“I suppose it all does sound rather suspicious when you put it that way. Let me show you something.” Illinois gestured for the pair to follow him toward a display of photographs. Instead of pointing to these, he instead reached for his briefcase. A small photo album was pulled out. Yancy noticed that it was dated three months prior. While Illinois flipped through it, both prisoners could see what looked like an area that had been dug up. It matched the pictures in front of them of an excavation site. At last, Illinois found what he was looking for.

“One Guardian Jaguar, complete with the White Jaguar in its mouth. As you can see, the teeth have fresh blood on them. It was an… Oddly tranquil sight, despite the unfortunate situation.”

“So then why act like these are the real deal? People just take youse’s word for it?”

“Normally those that attend my talks know that what I show are my artistic recreations for purely educational purposes. I suppose I do take for granted that those who attend here are invested regulars.” Illinois gave a small shrug. “It’s an easy mistake to forget to remind people who might be new to my talks. I’m sorry if you thought I was a fraud, but I am the real deal. Too good to be true, yet here I am.”

“Yeah yeah, ‘sucks that I’m perfect as shit’, I get it. Least you knows not to make that mistake again.” Yancy rocked back on his heel with the intention of turning and walking away.

“Now now. I can’t let you walk off like that. Take this.” Another item was pulled out of his briefcase. “I made this smaller model of the White Jaguar as a ‘first draft’. I was intending on using it as motivation to my first-year students but… I think it should stay here with you.” Illinois took the opportunity to reach for Yancy’s hand. The small clay model was gently placed in it before Illinois curled Yancy’s fingers over it to keep it in place. His hands stayed where they were as he continued, “We think the White Jaguar was a symbol of good fortune. Perhaps it might bring you some good luck.” He smiled at Yancy, only to have the moment broken by the guard announcing that there were five minutes before the prisoners had to return to their cells for the afternoon count. Yancy took the chance to quickly leave the room without as much as a ‘goodbye’. At least his friend, who introduced himself as Bam-Bam, quickly thanked Illinois before darting out.

A few more questions were asked of him by other prisoners and curious staff; and then it was time to tidy up to bring everything back to the university. It was only when he reached the White Jaguar model did Illinois hesitate. There was something about that abrasive prisoner he couldn’t put his finger on. Was it because he seemed uninterested in the adventurer? Or was there something else? It was a rare moment that Illinois wished he’d had an excuse to chat to the prisoner longer. Maybe not here, but somewhere quieter. Just the two of them.

Huh… Was this what an attraction felt like? He joked about others falling in love with him so often, he wasn’t sure if this was payback for never returning interest in others. He was drawn toward a prisoner that seemed keen to dismiss his hard work and reputation. And worse! Illinois didn’t even know his name!

Then again… A good adventurer always loves the thrill of a mystery. Maybe he could try and find that prisoner next time he visited. Now that the university was open again, he’d be able to drop by more frequently…

--

For what it was worth, Yancy also had a mystery on his hands.

Namely, how to get away from Bam-Bam - who would not SHUT UP about their prolonged conversation with Illinois - and half the gang - who were incredibly jealous Yancy got a gift from the Illinois!

He dropped his head against the chow hall table with a low ‘thunk’. This was the opposite of getting the others to stop talking about Illinois around him!

[boogiewrites]

Mae Flowers Ch. 7

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Mae LeBlanc (OFC)

Summary: A modern, magical Alfie Solomons AU.  Mae works towards growing her powers and Alfie is there to explain every step. They begin learning more about each other and find a connection that neither truly expected.

Warnings/Tags: Language.Magic/Supernatural. Soul mates.Some domestic fluff, getting to know you stage. Talk of the unknown.

Click on my screenname then go to Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. (Had to do this since Tumblr killed links, sorry.)

The sun rose high enough to peek through her curtain. It wakes her by gently kissing her face. Mae greeted the new day with enthusiasm.

Alfie had given her the task of sprouting, growing, and blooming a plant with her powers. She had been a bit cocky, she supposes, after the meditation went so well. But using her own undisciplined powers to do work was entirely different from receiving a gift of knowledge from her light. With Alfie's strong influence, the visions were much stronger than she could’ve formed herself. He’d asked endless questions, just like she would do. But unlike her, he'd had years to find the answers.

She stood in the kitchen, glaring out the bay doors at the sprouted plant on the patio table. She sipped her coffee as the maker gurgled in the background. The house was quiet, save Percy's feet crunching in the litter box.

Alfie had set her a task, and she was days into trying to achieve it. He had vaguely explained that he had some spell work to do that he needed privacy to accomplish. After giggling at the way he pronounced privacy she nodded and he disappeared. He’d still been up every morning,  looking a little rough around the edges. She didn’t want to pry but she also thought she might want to know what was going on in her house.

It was almost 10, she’d taken her time and lazed around long enough. She'd showered and eaten while hoping he would appear. But he hadn’t. So her curiosity got the better of her.

She made her way to the wall that held the archway to her sunroom and the door to the guest bedroom. She stood with a furrowed brow and pressed lips. She felt like she might be behaving rudely. She quietly knocks, her hand hovering over the door for some minutes before she talked herself into it. A quiet knock, then a more confident one after no noise from the other side. She pressed her ear to the door and heard nothing, not knowing if she felt relieved or more worried.

“Alfie?” She asked with a crack to her morning voice, not yet warmed up. No response. She tried to focus, head to the door, and see if she could feel anything. She didn’t really know what she was doing though, they hadn’t gotten to that lesson yet.

With no answer she reluctantly reaches for the knob, hand once again waiting to take action. As she clicks it, it sounded like one of the loudest noises she’d ever heard. She makes a space big enough to peep her round face through.

“Alfie?” she spoke softly, voice barely above a whisper into the stillness of the room. She made her way in, turning to see him star fished on the bed. His hair was a mess, hands still covered in what looked like soot, and lips pooched out while he was clearly in a deep sleep.

There were jars sealed with wax all over the dresser, salt around them, and little labels attached with twine to each. She was most curious and began to move towards them before a sudden grunt and sniff catch her attention from the bed. Unknowingly she’d passed the threshold of protection Alfie had cast and it had woken him up from his much-needed rest.

“Mmph Mae? What ya- bloody hell what time is it?” His brow arches high, dad noises followed as he rolled over to reach for his phone. “Oh fuck I’ve slept in.” He mutters and begins the process of moving his tired and half awake limbs to sit up on the bed.

“It’s not a problem, I just didn’t know what you were doing in here. I knocked… by the way. I was worried about you.” She explains hesitantly.

“No need. Just restin' me eyes.”

“Mm hmm.” She hums.

“Don’t appreciate that sarcasm Mae.” He rubs his eyes but she sees the grin behind his soft dark gingery beard.

“I knocked… like I said, twice, and said your name and you just laid there so…”

“You callin' me a liar? Bold of ya.” He kept a deep gruff tone as he yawns and stretches, but she could tell he was joking somehow. She felt comfortable with him in the snippy exchanges.

“Well I ain’t callin' you a truther.” She shrugs and gives a huff of a laugh.

“You’re a funny little flower, Mae.” Her odd response makes him laugh that turns into a cough. They share a pleasant lingering smile before something catches Mae’s attention. A movement under the covers of the bed.

He feels it against his hand and shoots his eyes in the direction Maes wide ones are staring.

“What the-?” He grumbles and jerks back the covers, and much to Maes horror a huge snake is making its way from the bed to the floor and towards the open window. “Fuck me, that wasn’t a dream? Ya sneaky cunt! Get out, ya slag!” He shoves the snake off the bed with a heavy thump while Mae presses herself against the door with too many questions rapid firing in her head. “I was tired from the work and you come all the way out here-?” His hands wave and he stops as if he were interrupted as he pushed the snake out the window. “Work innit?” He snaps and opens the window wider. “Ya ain’t fuckin special love. That’s always been ya problem. If ya never learn you’re gonna be like that forever!” He sticks his face thru the window opening before slamming it shut.

He turned around all huffed and annoyed and now awake.

“Uh… friend of yours?” Mae asks with a broken nervous laugh.

“I’m sorry Mae. She snuck in, I didn’t invite her. She’s never been much for respecting people’s space.”

“Wuh… so it was a friend?” She asks with eyes still looking at the spot where the snake had slithered out even though Alfie is moving around the room now to put the sheets back on the bed in his pajamas, a very rumpled white t-shirt with a v cut and his always present smattering of amulet holding necklaces.

“Well… yes and no. Bit complicated.”

“Like Facebook ‘It’s Complicated or…?”

“Like what?” He stops to plop on the bed and gives her an intimidating stare that suggests she might be behaving like an idiot.

“Y’know the relationship options on Facebook?” She says with an obvious nod. “You do know what Facebook is right?”

“Of course I fuckin know what Facebook is ya cheeky bugger.” he says harshly but huffs a single hard laugh.

She grins at his response and continued on with a lazy lilt to the early afternoon conversation. Her hands moving casually as she talked like the dust that was visible in the sun through the guest, well, Alfie’s room window now. “People can put it’s complicated as a relationship status. Usually, a sign someone’s made some bad decisions at some point.”

“Yeah? Like, fuck a snake?”

She snorts and covers her mouth as she laughs with bright eyes. “I wasn’t gonna say it but-“

“Didn’t have to read ya mind to know that’s what you were thinkin’, mate.” He shakes his head and fussed with his hair for a moment.

“I’ve been told I have a very bad poker face.”

“Terrible.” He says obviously but she felt the warm tone in his voice as he stood and gave her a smile that wasn’t accusing. “But it’s also somethin' you can learn.”

“Another thing to add to the long list of things you’re going to teach me.”

“That it is.” He says with an affirmative nod. “It comes with controlling your emotions. You feel things so strongly because you are unpracticed but we’re workin' in it yeah?” He nods and pats her shoulder.

“We are. I don’t feel as bad as I usually do after a rough day like yesterday.”

“Very good. Since I slept in like a fuckin lazy sod have ya got around to ya studies today?” They both move and carry a conversation into the kitchen as he makes himself some tea.

“Not yet, was being slow because I didn’t want to start until you got up. But then-“ she motions towards the cracked guest room door.

“Ridiculous, innit?” the previous annoyance at his unexpected visitor comes back to show on his face. “Not even my house and she doesn’t know you, yeah? Just invites herself in. Like everything’s bloody normal.”

Mae blinks with curious but very polite eyes as he rests against the counter for a moment, huffing and displacing a fluff of hair hanging onto his forehead. “I’m glad you also don’t think it’s normal. I know things are gonna start changing now, but python booty calls were not something I was prepared to handle.” She pauses her thousand-yard stare shifts to him. Blinking her full lashes over brown, now golden in the noon sun, eyes. “Not to be rude or anything. Just… being honest.” She shrugs, making herself smaller. “Thought it would be best to be… y’know with… all this witchy stuff.”

“First off, not a booty call.” He dismisses with a swipe of an expressive finger. “Secondly, honesty is the best policy. Always…. Unless ya Gotta lie.” He gives a more sly and cheeky smile her way as he takes a sip of tea.

“Are you lying about the snake booty call?”

“Nah, mate.” He gruffs out casually, “Not that I didn’t before she found herself in her current form. A stone-cold bitch of a witch that one. Piss off the wrong witch and ya go 'bout bein a twat and then next thing ya know you’re cursed to take her so-called, and very dramatically said at the time I might add- “true form”. He pauses, his tight but expressive face once again hides behind the tea mug and the fluff of mustache over the rim. “Old flame 'n that. Long, long time ago now.”

“How long is long for you? Since you’re…?”

“I prefer the term immortal to old if that’s what’s ya askin'.”

“I wasn’t but thanks for clarifying.”

“Years before you were even swimmin' in ya gran dads bollocks.”

“That’s the grossest way I’ve ever heard that put. Creative but, still gross.”

“Didn’t mean to be crude at the table, love.” He gives a nod but the polite face has mischievous and playful eyes behind it.

She huffs out a quiet laugh. “Wasn't a complaint.”

“Good to see ya aren’t squeamish. A sense of humor will help ya out in this work. Also nice to know my other half isn’t a stick in the mud.”

“Oh, I’ve been called that before.” She adds quickly and he laughs.

“Eh, don’t seem too bad to me Mae.”

“Well we just started so just give me a bit and I’ll let ya down.”

“Bad attitude like that means one thing.”

“What?”

“You didn’t eat a good breakfast did you?”

“I had-“

“Yeah, those bloody breakfast bar- bullshit things.” He cuts her off. “Ya have to eat real food now, pet. So we’ll be late getting at it today but nothings gonna get accomplished by no human without bein' fueled properly.”

“I don’t usually cook a big breakfast.”

“And ya ain’t gonna start now. I got it.” It’s almost as if her thought of standing to help was nipped from her mind, swearing she might’ve felt a light push to stay in her seat by some invisible force.

"You're not fattening me up to eat me are you? You and that snake?” She asks with a subtle playful smile but accusing eyes.

He lets out a loud sudden amused sound at her suggestion. “Maybe I am. Gonna butter ya up and stuff you in the oven.” He gives her a wink and chuckles to himself at the delightful energy she was putting out today before he turned back to the counter.

She blinks rapidly and finds herself hiding a flush in her cheeks at the seemingly innocent gesture. She retreats back to her normal sitting posture clenching her teeth to fight the smile that would otherwise appear on her face. Being forced to reckon with a handsome man winking at her that she wasn’t repulsed by was something new and she didn’t want to look like a giggling school girl. She was far from being a schoolgirl by being in her thirties but he made that same old energy bubble up inside her.

She clears her throat and tries to gain control of her emotions before they sweep her away. Since he’d been around all sorts of things were becoming quickly overwhelming. Since Alfie's appearance in her life, she’d started having mood swings, vivid intense dreams, and some rather animalistic passing thoughts. Most of them with the focus being on her new roommate. And she wasn’t talking about the unusual amount of reptiles she’d seen the past few days. She could swear the birds chirped louder now. It was as if she was going through some psychic puberty. Every sense and emotion was turned up so drastically it was as if she could feel a static tingling at all times. It didn’t hurt, but it was something she was trying to get a grip on. She was trying to be optimistic but her first round of puberty was something she felt she’d failed miserably at.

Alfie could feel her energy shifting and remained quiet. He had been both confused and impressed with her attempts to control all this new energy herself. He didn’t know why she didn’t ask about it but knew she was a scrappy little thing, forgo the occasional breakdown. Which he thought she had earned.

“MROW?” Percy jolts up from his warm bed in the sunroom, his morning sun spot starting to shift. He trots into the kitchen, the shifting of energy from his master drawing him from the bed.

He was a welcome distraction for her and both the men in the room, both he and Alfie felt ease as soon as Percy was in Mae’s lap and focusing her attention.

“Good little lad you’ve got there,” Alfie says, looking over his shoulder at the cat purring and grooming its owner.

“When he wants to be he’s very sweet.” Mae let’s put a sigh and cuddles him closer, feeling the tension in her body dissipate as she rubbing her face into the fur of the large white fluffy boy with his pink toe beans and nose.

“You know… I have a Percy.”

“You have a cat?”

“No, love. Percy is your familiar. I have one right now as well.”

She blinks in thought for a moment. “My familiar?” She asks, directed at the cat who was staring up at her with bright green eyes.

“A companion. A kindred spirit. He’s a little soul that is meant to help yours.”

She stares into the cat's eyes. “He just showed up one day. Like he already lived here.”

“Because he was called to you. Your power must’ve been blossoming at the time.”

“So you’re my familiar huh? If you’re supposed to help, why do you sleep on my clean laundry?”

Alfie let out an amused chuckle.

“Mrrm.” Percy responds and flicks his tail.

“I’d like to know how sleeping all day is supposed to help me out.” Mae gives him a big smile and scratches his chest. “Sassy little butthead.”

He purrs in response and rubs against her chest.

“Is your familiar a cat?” Mae asks while fussing over the affectionate cat in her arms.

“Oh no. Charles is nothing of the sort. A cat wouldn’t suit me would it?”

“A big fluffy ginger cat might.”

“Offensive language.” Alfie protests and Mae chuckles to herself.

“What is he then?”

“I’ll have you meet him sometime soon. Best to let him introduce himself instead of me.”

“Is he an animal?”

“He is. Familiars tend to be.”

“Can they be other things?”

“Sometimes a human. But rarely. Some have been Fae. Some like to stay in specter form if their counterpart is gifted in communicating with that plane.”

“So like spirit guides?”

“Good comparison, yes.” Alfie nods as he continues moving about the kitchen. “There are many forms any single soul can take, you see..” he began an impromptu lecture which he had done on occasion for the sake of educating her.  He kept talking, as she found he had the tendency to do if the mood struck him.  For now, he stuck to lessons about her, the baby steps any born and raised witch would know without even realizing. He didn’t want the sweet thing to seem like she lacked common sense when it came time to mingle with others like them. So he tried to begin with what to do to be able to perform at your best.  He spoke of fuel and food, energy creation and destruction, and how it works with people like them. Or well, her, he was different from her biologically. But that was a lesson for another day.

—————————-

Alfie checks on Mae once again, a little lump sat in the grass in her back garden with those golden eyes focused on her task. He hadn’t really known how fast or slow the process would go, and the fact that she had made any progress at all made him happy for her. She sat with her hands pushed against her face, elbows on her knees as she sat with crossed legs in the grass in front of the plant. Her button nose was wrinkled, thick dark brows made her look more severe than usual. A stray loose curl would flop in the wind on occasion, but besides that, she was being very still. The fruit-bearing trees planted along the high fence line now had different symbols in new shiny paint. Mae had learned about protection and she was taking it very seriously. The glitter paint, her choice, sparkled in the light along with the various windchimes and suncatchers she had hanging all over the garden. You could always hear at least a small ting of metal against metal outside, it was something Alfie grew accustomed to quickly and found it rather pleasant now. All her new decor made space seem even more full of life with the rapid onset of spring. Not to mention Mae’s growing powers were causing the flora all around her home to begin to flourish early.

Alfie was writing labels, carefully packaging the spells he’d made to send out. He was enjoying a quiet afternoon. The weather was pleasant and the clink of chimes with the lazy breaths of wind outside was a calming melody. He was musing about how nice it was to finally feel some true calm for the first time in his afterlife. This is why the sudden shrill scream of Mae made him almost drop a spell jar in surprise. He would’ve never let his guard down enough to get caught off guard like that before he’d met Mae. He’d never stopped to consider if being with his other soul half might make him soft. But it was swept away from his cares when he saw the bundle of sunshine that was Mae. He could see the joyous yellow rays emanating from her small feminine form. Her hair bouncier and her cheeks flushed as she screamed his name in the middle of jumping up and down with excitement.

“Alfie! LOOK!” She squeals and stomps her feet, her hands with the chipped yellow polish point towards a now fully bloomed plant on the ground.

“WHAY!” He throws his arms up in celebration! “Mozel tov boobah!” He claps and approaches her. Much to his surprise she fillings herself towards him in an impactful hug. As soon as her delightfully soft cheek pressed bare against the fuzzy section of his chest his shirt allowed, their breaths caught in tandem. His hand on the back of her fluffy hair, one arm keeping her steady in her back. There was an ebb and flow that much resembled (to those gifted enough to see such a thing) an aftershock that shot through them on contact and was sent back into the world around them.

It felt almost as if she was in the middle of a giant speaker in the back of some fuck boy's car. Or those old 5ive gum commercials. The second feels drawn out and heavy as that pulse connects them and is loaded into their systems. something neither had felt in such a pure form before they felt a split moment of euphoria. A total lack of worry and anxiety, total zen.

They both exhale with synced breath and everything shifts back to its former self. Mae looks up at Alfie with an expression of what the hell was that and he blinks down at her and tells her that for the first time in a long time. He didn’t exactly have the answer.

Mae licks her lips and looks at his chest, her nose set above puckered lips showing the wheels turning behind her eyes. That were a very vivid -damn near glowing actually- golden. They were large and often wet and they reminded Alfie of a frog on occasion. Especially when she wore her little round glasses. He considers this a compliment as he is quite fond of frogs.

“That was..” she takes a deep breath and clears her throat, “...you know those little sand...zen gardens with the stick and you-?” She draws a swirl on his back where her hands stay.

“Yeah. With the wee Buddha’s?”

“I feel like what one of those is supposed to make you feel.”

“Felt much like I’d gone up and slapped the Buddha and he hit me arse back on my end.”

“Didn’t it feel… good? Though?” Her face shows her uncertainty as it always does.

“Ya bloody right it did.” He lets out a warm laugh that reassures her.

“What is..?” She hugs him again. The same grip as before but it doesn’t happen. She squeezes. Waits. Alfie looks around after her third attempt and considers intervening.

“‘Ere.” Alfie says. Moving her hand to mirror his, slightly outstretched towards each other. “Can you see that?” He asks quietly as if he might scare something away.

“I don’t… I feel something though. I think…”

“Trust your intuition, Mae. It’s where the answers are.”

She follows his advice, taking a deep breath and a slow exhale and clearing her mind and really looking at the space between their hands.

“Do you feel anything?” He asks after a moment, seeing her face shift.

“Yes.” A much more confident response.

“Good girl. What is it?”

“It’s..almost like electricity.”

He keeps quiet as he sees it differently. It fascinates him.

“Like the Ghostbusters ray guns.” She answers seriously then laughs. “Except it isn’t really a color exactly it’s, it’s sort of yellow.”

“I see yellow as well.” He nods.

“Now concentrate. Look at the… rays and what they feel like.”

“Oh! They’re happy.” She answers quickly and cheerfully.

“What happens when I-?” He asks and touches their fingertips together.

She smiles and laughs, “It's like you’re touching the surface of a lake.

“It’s a reflection.” He nods.  “Now watch.” He begins to move it away and it’s as if a string is being pulled, the flow is taffy and it becomes thinner the farther away he gets. Her power is less loud, less clear the farther he is.

“It’s reacting to you.”

“It’s us. Welcome to stage one of your awakening. You can now see energy.”

“Did this happen because of the flower?” her head tilts like a curious baby animal.

“Flower?”

“Oh! Shit! I forgot! The flower! Alfie look!” She grabs his wrist and proudly shows off the fully blossomed Lily.

“Brilliant work, love.” He touches it and it’s strong and very alive. “Look at this little lass. Gorgeous.” He pets the plants leaves affectionately. “Lovely innit.” He leans towards Mae. “Takes after her muva.” He teases.

“I don’t see anything around it.” She says waving her hand near it.

“You won’t see everything at once. Be grateful for that because you’d go as mad as the first mantis shrimp.” He snorts at his own joke.

“The what?” She asks and shakes her head. “Alfie stop talking about mudbugs and explain.”

“You’re growing Mae darling! It’s all very good. Don’t worry. If there was cause for worry I would tell you, yeah? You’re learning to wield your powers and activating new ones. Natural innit?”

“So this is just my power growing?” She asks referring to the wobbly bit of energy as she moved closer to his body.

“I believe it is our souls. They want to be close. The closer the more vivid it is, see?” He touches his nose to hers and shows the tiny jolt of electricity that appears where their skin touches.

“It’s like static electricity. But it doesn’t hurt.”

“Nah, love they’re happy. They want to be close, little monkeys. They haven’t seen each other for so long. They get a bit excited.” He chuckles and rubs her arms reassuringly. He left a warm and good feeling behind in his wake. “Your powers are growing. You’re doing so well. In fact, I believe you are much deserved a few celebratory festivities, love.” He speaks quietly as he remains close to her.

“Like donuts?” She asks with a perky inflection.

“Could be but I was thinkin' more you should get yourself done up. Celebrate yourself. We can go out and I suppose eat since that seems to be where your mind is.”

“Done up? Like go out and eat together? A date?” There’s a mild flash of horror in her eyes.

“If that term scares you so then no. I am simply your friend-“

“Soul mate” she corrects.

“...soul mate who believes you should do things to celebrate this growth. Hard work earns hard play and you Mae darling have been working your bum off. You deserve it. Stop selling yourself short.”

“You being able to read me is good and all but it also really gets on my nerves. You get too real too fast on me like I’m just supposed to be okay with you plainly saying my obvious shortcomings.”

“It’s called growth. It’s what we’re here for.”

“When am I going to make you start growing?”

“Already have.” He states fast.

“I have?”

“Course! I don’t know if you could tell but I have not historically been known to be a very… coddling man. I have been alone and seen and done violence with my darkness… but being around you, your soul, it makes me feel like I’m young again at times. Your...spunky little personality- which is a great relief I must add- paired with the positive attitude and earnest approach has made me address how I approach things.”

“You like my personality?” her eyes look a bit sad but more intrigued.

“That’s what you took from that?” He chuckles.

“It’s a really nice compliment.” She quickly feels tears burn in her eyes.

“Oh bless your cotton socks.” Alfie laughs and pulls her in for a hug. “You little bugger.” He rubs her back as she gives him a tentative hug back. “You are kind and honest and curious. The world needs more like you. Your emotions are a gift. I do not see them as the burden you do. Most humans go through life feeling so very little. Did you know? It is a blessing to feel so strongly.”

“You’re so nice.” She sniffles and he once again laughs and kisses her head. “C’mon love. Let’s have a cuppa and we’ll get dresed up eh?”

“And then we go get food.” She sniffles.

“Yes, darling Mae then when go get food.” He lets out a deep chesty laugh as he escorts her back towards the house.

@jaegeeeeer​  @brianaisasongbird​ @hardygal69​ @emerald-bijou​ @captstefanbrandt​ @coolgh0st​ @tinastarkandco​ @xstylishmileage​   @s-h-e-w-r-i-t-e-s​ @peakys-mystic​

[yeunbins]

perfect chemical — hyb

genre: enemies2lovers!au

requested: yes

a/n: this was WAAAAY long overdue

description: maybe being lab partners isn’t so bad after all

if you could describe Ha Yoonbin in one word, it would be that he is the literal devil. satan himself is shaking in his boots. you hated him with all your guts. just thinking about his name sent shivers down your spine. you are also one hundred percent positive that he felt the same way about you.

it all started around middle school. with you two being the top acers of the class, there was a time the class needed a class president. of course, your friends, yedam, doyoung, keita, jyunhao voted for you to be nominated. while jihoon, yoshinori and junkyu voted for yoonbin to be nominated. you still remember it like it was yesterday. someone raised their hands to close the nominations and it was only you and yoonbin who were the candidates. everyone chose their side and of course, you lost to yoonbin with one point. since then, there has been a competition between the two of you.

back to the present, you were currently drawing random doodles in your notebook. suddenly, the teacher called your name. “hm?” you raised your head. “were you paying attention, ms. y/n?” the teacher taps his foot. you laughed awkwardly, “yes” squeaked. you hear someone scoff at the side. “as usual of our ms. genius. barely paying attention in class” yoonbin mocks. you felt your blood boil hearing his voice. “yeah at least i don’t brag about my achievements when i barely achieved half of it” you retort. yoonbin gasps, “you take that back!” he gasps, pointing at you. “make me!” you hissed. “YOU TWO IN THE PRINCIPAL’s OFFICE NOW!” the teacher in front of you boomed. you angrily grabbed your bag and stomped off to the principal’s office. yoonbin shoves his things inside his black backpack. jihoon trying to calm him down, “bro, chill out! i told you, you shouldn’t have done that!” he tries to calm an angry yoonbin. “dude, just, fuck off and wait for me during lunch” yoonbin sighs, following you to the principals office.

—

“same reason?” the guidance councilor mused. you crossed your arms, avoiding all forms of contact with yoonbin. yoonbin fakes a laugh and throws his hand over your shoulder, pulling you close to him. “yep! isn’t that right babe?” he coos making you flustered causing you to smack him in the face. “ow!” he flinches. the guidance councilor laughs again, “you two would make such a cute couple” she winks. you choked in mid air, “excuse me ms. kim, that’s not happening anytime soon. i’d rather date a mole rat other than her” yoonbin whispers obnoxiously. “like i would date you” you gagged. before yoonbin could react, the door opens to reveal the principal, motioning the two of you to come in his office for the nth time this school year.

“you know, i’m getting tired of seeing your faces in my office everyday” the principal facepalms. you hid your face with your hands and yoonbin plays with his fingers. “its her/his fault!” you both stand up at the same time, annoying the principal even more. “if you two get sent in here again for the last time, i would have no choice to give you both a suspension for a week” he says sternly. you two both sat down quietly. “but sir! i have perfect grades! i will be forced to be dropped from the honor roll if you suspend me!” you complained. “yeah! what she said” yoonbin nods his head towards you. “exactly. so you two should grow up and be mature about this. you two are no longer kids! but seniors in high school!” the principal scolds you two. you both lower your heads and kept quiet. “one more chance. if i see your faces here again, you two are automatically suspended” the principal sighs. you both nod and stood up from the chairs. “here’s your hallway pass. hope i won’t see you two here again” the principal passes you two a familiar pass. you walk out the principal’s office in a bad mood. stomping your way to your next class which was chemistry.

—

“for this year, we would be having lab days. so i will be assigning your lab partners for the rest of the year. no buts” your chemistry teacher announces to the whole class. to be honest, you didn’t really care who you end up with since you’re practically friends with everyone in this class. except for yoonbin of course.

“ha yoonbin and (y/l/n) (y/n)” you hear the chemistry teacher read off his attendance list. you hear yoonbin sigh really loudly.

this is gonna be one hell of a school year

—

“could you take the test tube and wash it?” you ask yoonbin who was busy doing nothing. “what?” he raises his brow at you. you looked away from the microscope to give him a glare. “wash the test tubes”

“what’s the magic word?” he smiles fakely. “YOONBIN!” you screeched. “that’s not the magic word but we’ll work with that” he snickers taking the test tube away from your hand. you watch the microscope again but only to be disturbed by the one and only lucas. “hi!” he smiles widely. you look behind you incase he was referring to someone else. “me?” you point to yourself. lucas laughs, “yes! you, y/n!” it was a good thing that you wore a mask so he won’t see the rising blush on your cheeks.

lucas was the friendliest boy in school. which makes him part of the popular kids. you admit, he was very good looking.

“don’t you have a partner? where did he go?” lucas asks you as he sees you doing all the work. you shrug your shoulders, not caring wherever yoonbin is.

“he probably ghosted on me–“

suddenly, a loud slam could be heard next to you. you jumped and looked up to see yoonbin staring intently at lucas. “hey y/n i think it’s my turn to look at that. take a break and watch me finish our work for today” yoonbin says loudly for lucas to hear. lucas looks challenged and scoffs. “anyway y/n. here you go” he shows a toothy grin handing you a piece of paper. “bye!” he waves off walking to his station. you opened the paper to reveal his number. you laughed and kept the paper in your pocket, not realizing yoonbin was watching the whole time.

—

“hello? earth to y/n?” keita obnoxiously waves his hand over your face. “what?” you ask dazed. “i asked what happened during the first lab session” yedam explains. you look around and see everyone staring at you.

“chemistry was fine for once. mainly because i did all the work as usual and i met– yeah that’s about it” you laughed nervously. hoping they didn’t catch the last part. “yOU MET WHO????” doyoung slams the lunch table.

“i met lucas...” you mumbled. the 3 boys stared at each other for a moment before standing up and cheering you on. “Y/N GOT A BOYFRIEEEEEEND~”

—

“so did you guys slit each other throats out?” jihoon asks with his infamous puppy eyes. yoonbin puts down his chopsticks. “sadly, no” “bummer” junkyu mutters. suddenly, your table nearby can be heard. “Y/N GOT A BOYFRIEEEEEEEND~” keita’s voiced could he heard. everyone’s ears in yoonbin’s table perked up. “you’re dating y/n?!” yoshinori gasps. yoonbin chokes on his kimchi. “FUCK NO!” he denies. “i think she got lucas’ number” he finishes.

“lucas wong? the popular guy?” jihoon asks. junkyu nods, “yeah he’s one of the pretty boys and the captain of the school’s basketball team” yoonbin rolls his eyes, “lowkey i feel wrong about him. something about him.. just irks me”

jihoon gave a knowing look to yoshinori and junkyu. “someone seems.... CONCERNED” he yells. yoonbin felt his face turn red. “HELL NO DUDE” he gags.

“your face says otherwise binnie~” junkyu teases. “i hate y’all” yoonbin huffs making everyone in the table laugh

—

weeks passed and you’ve been talking to lucas now. he was such a funny guy. on the other hand, you and yoonbin had started to make up from the past. it chemistry at the moment and you were talking to yoonbin about the upcoming project.

“so yeah, i think we should divide the things we do. i do the first 50 and you do the other half. would that be okay?” you looked up from your notebook. “sounds perfect to me” he agrees. “yay!” you smile happily, showing a small dance. yoonbin observes quietly. wondering to himself how come he has never seen this side of you.

“i have to get going soon, lucas might be waiting for me” you tell him. yoonbin looks at you confused. “what do you mean by ‘might be waiting for you’ ?” he asks. you look taken a back. “we’re going on a date. i don’t know why you’re making this a big deal yoonbin” you knit your eyebrows. “i’m just saying. he does have a reputation of playing with girls” he informs you quietly.

“like this is your business. i’m leaving now” you retort. “don’t say i didn’t warn you y/n!” he yells after you walked out of the classroom

—

‘just when i thought our rivalry was coming to an end’ you scoffed, gripping your bag tighter. you walked into the well known diner in town and sat down at one of the booths waiting for lucas. 30 minutes haved passed and still no sign of lucas. realizing you’ve been stood up and how yoonbin was right, you stood up and walked home. your phone vibrates like crazy in your hand. you looked down at your phone to see multiple messages from yedam, keita and doyoung asking how your date went. you closed your phone and tossed to to your bed. you didn’t think much of it except for the fact that yoonbin was actually right for once.

—

“so how did you date go?” yoonbin asks as he plays with the chemicals in the test tube. “you were right.. i’m sorry for not believing you” you admitted. yoonbin laughs, “told you so. you should believe the things i say for i am a truther after all” he jokes. “bitch i didn’t even say that you were a liar!” you laughed smacking him in the arm.

on the other side of the laboratory, there was jihoon, yoshinori, junkyu standing with yedam, keita and doyoung.

“alright fellas. i’m betting $20 that they would date at the end of the month” jihoon bets. “make that $50 and give it a week” keita challenges. “game fucking bet!” junkyu whisper-shouts

—

it was now around 4:30pm and you and yoonbin were still at the library finishing up your final chemistry project. “how much longer are we gonna stay. i’m hungry” yoonbin dreads. staring at your slouched figure answering the remaining questions. “just a little longer, it’s almost done” you reply. you hear yoonbin mutter a ‘fine!’ and sat down at one of the chairs nearby.

it was quiet for awhile and just some background music yoonbin was playing.

“hey y/n” yoonbin calls. you stopped what you were writing and looked at him. “did you know that you’re the perfect chemical? that’s why i have to test you so i know” he flirts. you felt yourself blush. “boo! that sucks! might as well help me with this” you deadpan. “bitch please, if it that pick up line sucked then why are you blushing right now?” he mimics your actions before hand. “hey y/n, take a break. i’ll take this part now” he says, grabbing the answer sheet from your hands, intentionally brushing them against each other.

“you’re such a flirt, ha yoonbin” you roll your eyes at him. “well, i mean i am a criminal did you know that?” he says. “how so?” you raised a brow at him. “because i could take your heart and go” he says all smugly. you faked gag, “this is the cringiest pick up line i’ve ever heard” “you mean the best? thanks babe” he puckers his lips at you and it grew quiet after that.

you were waiting for him to finish the last equation. swaying your legs from the height of the table you sat on. “you know, i didn’t even know why i like, liked lucas” you open up. “well that means you’re the only

one for me” he responds. “can you stop that” you blush, “nope.” he smiles, standing up from his seat and walks towards you. he stands in between your legs and he grabs your hands. “kiss me” he says. you close your eyes as you slowly lean towards him to give a soft peck on the lips.

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 4X18 The Monster at the End of This Book

Oh BOY is it time for my Chuck Won Truthers moment

HE DID WIN HE DI[GUNSHOT]

oh and for posterity: Misha showed up at the Oscars, and people were SO surprised to see him he trended on both tumblr and twitter

what IS it with this guy, his life is just batshit insane

IT'S CHUCK!!! FUCK THAT GUY!

THEy'RE LARPING AS THEMSELVES

THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT LARP MEANS

"supernatural" ROLL CREDITS

"...Sam and Dean...?" "that's it!"

THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN

THE FUCKING TITLE PAGE

"supernatural by carver Edlund" BECAUSE CHUCK WROTE IT AND CHUCK WO-

"full frontal" HE WASN't EVEN FULL FRONTAL in the SHOW!

THESE ARE ACTUAL TITLES

the last one was the season 3 finale?

Ah I see where the "making fun of the fandom" comes from

At least they make fun of wincest

Samgirls and Deangirls

they make fun of the people criticizing them...kripke?

Dean: please do not publish that book

I AZM WHEZZING

THEIR FUCKING F A C E S

"I'm crying on the inside" WHWPHFASI

THEY GOT QUIZZED ON THEIR OWN LIVES

SAM COULDN'T REMEMBER HIS OWN LSAT SCORE

oH he's writing what's CURRENTLY happening

oh and he doesn't know what's going on

"the last names were never in the books" o p e that's what convinces him

"obviously I'm a god" "You're not a god" GUESS WHAT FUCKE-

All FoR the Sake of Literary Symmetry

THEY MAKE FUN OF BUGS

I liked the ghost ship episode

"to be forced to live bad writing" AIFPSIFP AHAHAHA

although to be fair, the "I'm sorry I'm a shitty god" is INTERESTING where did that come from

Writing is hard gif? THAT'S WHERE THAT CAME FROM

SIAPFS HE WROTE WHAT'S HAPPENING

VONNEGUT!!

the laundromat scene is NEAT

Chuck's SO SHORT

how the hell is the book more invasive,

oh I should write about that

happened in '05 too hm

THE PINK FLOWER BANDAID

"and you drive it like that" SAM SOUNDS SO INSULTED

OH THEY CAN'T LEAVE

ah they try to outsmart prophecy uh oh

Veggie Tofu Burger it looks like it HURT SO BAD

...I can't believe god got them to try actual communication by being a a prophet

heh he likes the..oh no it's the bacon one

YOU CAN'T OUTRUN FATE YALL

oh THE FLICKER AND IT TURNING INTO THE RED MOTEL

ah the demon blood

"unsympathetic" ope

what the HELL is Sam's problem with Dean

ah he sees stars

THE BANDAIDS

"That's cuz I just got hit by a minivan, chuck"

CASTIEL

"he's a prophet of the lord" GUYS HE'S LITERALLY GOD

"i admire your work" wAS HE LOOKING AT DEAN?

oh no he was looking at the book bUT IT WAS CLOSE

M. Night level Douchiness

HE'S NOT A MOUTHPIECE THOUGH

Who's Luke??

wait Did Castiel just make a joke?

and it can't be unwritten

The horror imagery is SCARING me

thE goSpel of WincHesTer

ah he knows

no he's right, Sam is doing the Dark Side thing

ope he's actually praying

boy he sounds desperate

HE'S ASKING CAS FOR HELP HE'S AH

CAS GAVE HIM SNEAKY HELP

AHDIAFHSDPIH

OH MY GOD WAIT

"I didn't write this" FUCK YOU CUZ CAS DID THAT'S WHY

"I've got a Gun in my pocket" PFFT

nice try on the trap bud

HE WAS N O T ALWAYS THE SMART ONE

pfft lilith's angry at the angel for Being There

nono she's right you all self sacrifice like your life depends on it(heh)

well I guess he did warn her

i aM the PropHet Chuc K

Boi I can't believe that worked

Sam Jesus Christ

ZACHARIAH

how is Chuck actually a decent person for now what happened

"We'd only bring you back to life" JESUS

1. Sam. Seriously, I'm starting to see the arrogance here. There has not been ONE episode recently where I go "Sam, that was unnecessarily cruel" and like...Be nice to your brother. He's sacrificed his own innocence like a million times for you, leave him alone. He's slowly going dark side, and we do get to see it, but BOI is it fucked. Sam go get off your high horse. You're smart, but not that much. You're good, but not THAT good.

2. Fate. Ok, the slow way they made the fate tie into everything was NEAT! the slow build to the RED motel, to the minivan, to the stars. Like the instant they try to undo it, you know they won't succeed, but they added a good chunk of stuff so that you slowly figure out HOW it won't happen about concurrently with Dean.

3. Writing=god. That whole thing about how they turned Chuck into hating the "kill your darlings" thing(I'm needlessly cruel to you, why did I do all that to you guys for the sake of literary symmetry, etc) felt a bit...off. Like I'm glad Chuck still has a conscience(he wanted to stop something from happening at the end and Zach said no), but it kinda implies that whoever IS writing it...doesn't? Like God is a malevolent God. ALSO the "If you die, we'll just bring you back from death." Like I don't know what happened from then to present, but that whole thing is a Mess, how is he actually god. Also, they...called themselves bad writers? They painted themselves in a bad way? If God wrote supernatural, and God is cruel and did a bad job...what was the takeaway? is it that the whole THING is meta? that the whole point is that we're always getting a Narrative of Sam and Dean, that the meta is part of the inherent backbone of the show? that the ghostfacers are the only real versions? ??

4. writing-invasive. Ok so the thing I noticed is that the writing felt more invasive than the show. Like could be the way they made him write it for Maximum Funny Points, but it's A LOT more invasive, like there's no part of you that's truly your own. I feel like that might have been the point, but I still wanted to mention it.

5. META! Ok COMPLETELY separate from the actual Meta Plot that may or may not be happening...them reacting to their actual lives being a Series is HILARIOUS! like did they use it to be unashamedly mean to their own fans cuz it wasn't the demographic they wanted? yes. And it was shitty(and it was ALSO shitty when Sherlock did it, wtf guys). But making fun of W*ncest shippers, them getting told they're larping, the quiz on themselves+Sam forgetting the LSAT scores, the showing the tattoo...honestly it's so good, it was really funny. Mixed bag, but gave me HILARIOUS shit.

6. CAS. CAS SNEAKY HELPED DEAN! I JUST!! CAN'T GET OVER THAT SCENE!! "Listen, I'm not allowed to do anything for real, because I'll get in trouble and that would be ... horrible. But so...here's this...interesting piece of info....you may or may not need...might be helpful idk" the lil half smile with "good luck," the attempt at a joke. I think maybe Castiel agrees, that there's something Fucked here. Like we saw what happened with him and Anna and Uriel and how completely fucked it got, and we want him to realize that and help Sam and Dean, and he is, in his sneaky "I don't entirely want to give everything up yet" thing and OH IT WAS SO GOOD

7. Obligatory Chuck Won. Listen. Listen. "the monster at the end of this book." HE's THE MONSTER! if we believe that the MetaPlot is a Part of supernatural(and as time goes on, I think we have to, what with all the adaptations and the actual nods it does). And in that case...yeah it makes sense that the writers did what they did, and it was because Chuck Won. Like seeing this, it makes sense! if THIS is supernatural by carver edlund, and carver edlund is god, then he did...exactly what he wanted when he was the villain and killed both of them unsatisfyingly.

I'm dying on this hill, this is right, chuck won truthers RISE

WHOO

[andrewuttaro]

Alternative History: The Rhinos made it to Major League Soccer!

I used to have a blog called Rhinos Outsider. This post is meant to be a more fun one harkening back to those days… earlier this year. Back then I wrote these pointed think pieces on the Rhinos past, present and future. I beat the MLS Push phase of the club’s history into the ground including a whole blog post asking if the Rhinos should even want MLS anymore. If you want that material feel free to go back and read it, once I get the blog in order again they should be easier to find. This post will only be like those in format. Part of the fun of those posts were that they involved some speculation and deep thinking about this club. As I try to be a more cerebral blogger these days I thought some good old speculation would be a fun break.

What if the Rochester Rhinos made Major League Soccer? What if the big 2000s MLS push that bankrupt the club’s original owners was somehow successful? I’ll be taking some creative liberties and changing history to imagine how it might have happened. I know it didn’t and this is not me continuing to beat the dead horse. No, as you read on you’ll see why this is not a frantic love letter to this country’s top-flight. In fact, this piece maybe a cautionary tale about how MLS has grown and does business. What could have actually happened if a few things were different? Maybe not as much as we think. I’ll change some turning points in the real story and once we diverge to Rochester reaching Major League Soccer I’m going to go off to the races! It’s speculation of course but its also supposed to be a little fun if you know the real story… or if you just know Major League Soccer.

With no further ado, let’s get to the fun!

Where it all went wrong…

The stadium building delay still happens. PAETEC Park is still funded with a large aid package from New York State and the original owners still go financially insolvent, it just plays out differently. First things first, that fateful night when Don Garber and the Major League Soccer bigwigs demanded a full payment of the expansion fee goes differently. Our OG owners don’t get cold feet: they take out yet another loan, this time from a different bank, and pay them their money. That decisive night goes Rochester’s way instead. That payment turned out to be everything the league needed! Even after the 2006 opening of PAETEC Park went just as haphazardly as it did in our timeline MLS and the National Federation granted the organization a three-year waiver period from the stadium standards they were not yet up to.

The first of those waiver years in Major League Soccer is the 2007 season. From the very get go it is clear all is not well in Rochester. After a very underwhelming MLS season the team does not even come close to the playoffs: the first time the team misses’ their league’s playoffs in club history. The Rhinos also suffer their worst loss in club history losing a spectacular 9-0 decision to New England Revolution. Off field things are worse as the contractors the club enlists to upgrade the new stadium to MLS standards suddenly pull out of the job the week of Halloween. The issue peaks the League Office’s interest and an internal investigation reveals the Rhinos owners are in deep debt overborrowing from three different banks. The scandal embarrasses MLS and Rochester. The club’s owners file for bankruptcy a year earlier than our timeline and the league takes over the team on December 1st, 2007.

With the embarrassment of the league contracting two Florida teams in recent memory Don Garber and MLS resolve to find an owner even after the initial search proves very difficult. Eventually the league turns ownership over to trusted ally Philip Anschutz, a founder of the league with ownership stakes in several teams. Seeking the stability of the league he insists on only holding onto the franchise until its two remaining years of the waiver period is over after the 2009 season. He helps pay for the necessary stadium upgrades and enlists the help of the City of Rochester in finding a new owner in a revamped 2008 owners search. Local grocery store magnate Danny Wegman buys the Rochester Rhinos that year after much insistence from Major League Soccer. Wegman’s purchase corresponds pleasantly with the Rhinos clinching their first MLS Playoff appearance with a comeback victory over downstate rival New York Red Bulls on September 28th, 2008. For a brief moment at the end of the 2008 season it looks like all maybe well with Rochester Rhinos SC.

The Dream Dies

While the Wegman Era starts out with a bang, it trails off from there. The Rochester Rhinos are eliminated in the 2008 Conference Semifinals by Houston Dynamo and fail to qualify for the playoffs in the following season in 2009. By 2012 Major League Soccer is fully in its 2.0 stage; downtown Soccer specific stadiums are the impetus along with spending on foreign talent. The Wegman family becomes notoriously cheap with spending and refuses to take an active role in the franchise as the years go on. Wegman infamously states at an industry conference that the supermarket chain’s expansion into the south is being slowed by “some god-forsaken kickball team”. Wegman’s frustration may have arisen from construction costs. Although his investment allowed the downtown stadium to get up to MLS standards by the end of 2009, by summer 2011 the Rhinos stadium is still undergoing piecemeal projects that needlessly frustrate match attendees.

For the third straight year attendance declines. Average attendance at Rhinos games falls to 10,000 in 2011 before almost cutting in half in 2012 to 5,560. After a local petition to change the team’s name to Rochester Lancers led by local pizza magnate Soccer Sam Fantauzzo fails he exclaims the club is not the same one that won the Open Cup in 1999. Fantauzzo starts a budget team in the amateur ranks by the name Rochester Lancers. The club’s first game in the summer of 2013 draws 3000 fans and turns into a protest of the Rhinos after the conclusion of the match. Meanwhile season ticket holders and box seat purchases at Wegmans Soccer Stadium hit an all-time low and general attendance collapses to a 3200 average in 2013.

For a brief time in the Fall of 2013 there is speculation the owners of the Buffalo Sabres, Terry and Kim Pegula, have interest in buying the MLS organization. While sources deny the rumors it gets out they considered it if they could move the team to Buffalo. Apparently Don Garber was ready to finalize the deal before the Pegulas got distracted by the opportunity to buy the NFL Buffalo Bills. MLS wanted to move the club and switch owners but had no good pretext to do so beyond attendance numbers. Then they got their way. The Wegman family’s growing disinterest in owning the team leads them to default on the lease agreement with the City of Rochester. Knowing the owners do in fact have the money to pay, Rochester moves on MLS in a lawsuit. The suit is settled out of court, but the MLS removes the Wegmans from ownership of the team five years to the day they took over. The league rallies interested ownership groups in other cities and manages to move the club to St. Louis just ahead of the 2014 season.

The City of Rochester is relieved at the departure of the troubled franchise while supporters cry foul. The NPSL Rochester Lancers move into the downtown soccer stadium which is now renamed Salvatore’s Pizza Stadium. After the 2014 NPSL season concludes Sam Fantauzzo announces his club will move to the USL PDL in 2015. After the Lancer’s 2015 season in the PDL the City of Rochester takes over full control of the stadium and kicks the PDL squad out. Ironically, the Rochester Lancers fold after failing to secure another home field due to a perceived connection to the MLS Rhinos. After three years abandoned by the City, the downtown soccer stadium burns to the ground in June 2018 after a mysterious explosion. After gunning for MLS for most of a decade, the Rochester Rhinos are gone from Rochester after only six seasons in that top-flight.

Conclusion

Ha Ha: the first priority here is to laugh. If you’re an avid follower of MLS expansion or lower league soccer you may find some humor in parts of this… or not, I’m no comedian. So why did I write such a nasty alternative history if I am supposedly a Rochester Rhinos supporter? Part of why the Rhinos went downhill in our timeline was the result of a hasty buildup in the MLS push. The financial reality of MLS in the 2000s means that push would only have continued after making the league. Moreover, after David Beckham arrived MLS changed. MLS changed even more as Portland, Seattle and similarly transformative clubs entered the league with plans to make money by actually winning. Rochester, a City still rebounding from decades of diaspora, would simply not have survived in Major League Soccer.

I feel like I should say sorry but no, I’m not sorry. Why our timeline’s Rochester Rhinos are in the situation they are right now has less to do with MLS and more to do with Rochester itself. Sometimes the dreams we think we need are the poison pill that fate saves us from. I truly believe the Rhinos would’ve floundered in MLS and would’ve been a relocation candidate from the word go. In our timeline we have stadium truthers who tell you how they called into sports radio in 2004 warning about the stadium as if that’s not the most obvious flex ever. In the alternative timeline we have St. Louis Soccer fans in Rochester boycotting Wegmans supermarkets because they’re too thick to see the bigger picture.

Soccer in America is still a “pick your poison” affair. If you go with lower league/non-league soccer you have short ass amateur seasons. You go USL, you have all the academy players and none of the prestige. You go MLS… while then you better be a top 50 City population wise with a pretty attentive sugar daddy. I don’t want my team to be on hiatus, and they may only just barely exist now, but they’re here. That’s what I have that alternative history MLS Rochester Rhinos fans don’t have: a club to support in 2019. Well… sorta.

Thanks for reading.