#I’ve been going through a big art block again

[rare-apples]

I couldn’t even BEGIN to tell you how much I hated coloring this

Click pic for better quality 🍎🌳

[chimkin-samich]

Hi!

I have had a block for both writing and drawing for several years. I look at your works with longing in my eyes and think how wonderful it would be to draw regularly again. I was never particularly talented and had many gaps in learning to draw, but I enjoyed it. Now I don't know how to start drawing or writing. My laptop is full of unfinished stories. I have lots of ideas for drawings, but it's hard for me to get down to work.

Therefore, my question is: Do you have any advice for people who haven't drawn/written for several years and would really like to get back to it, but can't motivate themselves, have no ideas, etc.? Or quite the opposite. They have lots of ideas, but for some reason they can't draw anything?

Greetings and have a nice morning/day/evening/night!

Hello! Sorry it took so long to respond, I wanted to make sure I could respond properly to this so I thought it over a lot, I’m going to put it under a read more cuz it’s gonna get long lol

I (sly) am kinda in the same position as you at least when it comes more to art, writing ive kinda cracked the block but still trying to break through the ice, all the art on our blog is Ferals art, I only complete the line work and shading (but not always) I haven’t drawn any of my own stuff in probably a few years but I’m trying to get back into it cuz I miss it as well, I completely get the whole feeling of looking at Feral’s art and wanting to create my own but finding it so difficult to do

For the art aspect my plan is to start at square 1, start how I first starting drawing, which for me was to look up refs, animals and draw them by sight, just to get back into the groove of trying to bring back that muscle memory, maybe you started by tracing images, you could trace only the rough outlines and then shade and detail them, just something simply and easy, you probably won’t be happy with the results (I know I certainly won’t be with my own) but it’s a start

Look up things that you enjoy, draw your squad, incorrect quotes to do with ocs maybe even draw them out, try and keep it simple, you don’t need to create a masterpiece on the first day back, any attempt is a step forward even if you dislike it, try it out at least once a day everyday, a simple doodle just for fun or to exercise your muscle memory again, the first part is gonna be hard and messy, that’s totally ok! All that matters is the attempt!

For the writing aspect try and keep it simple as well, focus on making short one-shots or even just bullet point dialogues, your old unfinished writing isn’t going anywhere, when you feel comfortable enough to attempt to continue it just go for it!

I had a big gap in my writing periods and sometimes I still go a few months with out touching any of my stories, blocks happen and are normal, something that I try to get back into is read other people’s work, both to see the writing style and to get some inspiration to continue my own works

When I actually get down to actually writing my story I just dump down the story as I think it, I just keep writing even if it looks messy and grammatically incorrect to at least get the story moving and progressing. After I have the rough story down, is when I go back to correct spelling mistakes, add more details/dialogues or events in between to create a much better flow for the story

I usually do this multiple times for each fic I create, usually in between pauses (either due to blanking on ideas or just cuz I wasn’t feeling it) so whenever I reopen my doc, I just reread and add on, then I do it again one or two more times once it’s completed

I struggle a lot with perfectionism when it comes to my art and writing, and unfortunately it’s a big killer for my motivation, especially when I see others that make better works than me. I’ve been slowly unlearning that urge to make everything perfect, by just allowing myself to have messy and rough works, it’s not always going to come out how I want it but at least I got it as close as I could in the moment with my current skill level

I like to tell myself, the more I keep doing it, the more I’ll improve, and I’ll always be able to come back with more ideas and skill to remake this better than my first attempts, just because I did it doesn’t mean I can’t try to do it again

Being easier on yourself does wonders (I know easier said than done unfortunately 😭) but your practically having to relearn skills that have gotten rusty, even if you were doing great before, your gonna have to build back up to that point, it’s just like exercising a muscle ✨

I hope this was able to help! I wish you much luck in your journey back into art and writing!

[sulatni-flerida11]

[1 Notification]

it's all so incredibly loud | next part

Etho | 4:18 PM

hey cleo ! could you meet me at the rooftop of our apartment later?

Seen 4:22 PM

Cleo | 4:23 PM

uhm… why?

Seen 4:23 PM

Etho | 4:23 PM

c’mmon, indulge in me a little bit?

Seen 4:23 PM

Cleo | 4:24 PM

i already do that by being your roommate

Seen 4:24 PM

Etho | 4:26 PM

i’ll bring your favorite from the coffee shop?

Seen 4:27 PM

Cleo | 4:27 PM

promise?

Seen 4:27 PM

Etho | 4:28 PM

deal

Seen 4:28 PM

Cleo | 4:28 PM

<3

Seen 4:29 PM

Cleo | 4:28 PM

this is why you’re my favorite

Seen 4:29 PM

Etho | 4:29 PM

yeah sure

Seen 4:29 PM

Etho | 4:30 PM

meet me at 6 after classes?

Seen 4:30 PM

Cleo | 4:30 PM

sounds alright

Seen 4:31 PM

Etho | 5:47 PM

hey

Not seen

Etho | 5:47 PM

so i uh.. went ahead

Not seen

Etho | 5:48 PM

[picture attached]

Not seen

Etho | 5:48 PM

feel free to come up here once you’re home :)

Not seen

Etho | 6:26 PM

cleo?

Not seen

Etho | 6:26 PM

wow, i buy your favorite and now ignore me :(

Not seen

Etho | 6:28 PM

kidding!

Not seen

Etho | 7:33 PM

uhm.. cleo?

Not seen

Etho | 7:36 PM

i hope you’re doing alright

Not seen

Etho | 7:36 PM

i can pick you up if you’d like?

Not seen

Etho | 8:12 PM

cleo i went back to the apartment now because grian didn’t bring his key

Not seen

Etho | 8:12 PM

i’ll probably just wait here too.. bit chilly up there, haha

Not seen

Etho | 8:29 PM

cleo

Not seen

Etho | 8:29 PM

yoru stuff isgone ?

Not seen

Etho | 8:29 PM

like

Not seen

Etho | 8:30 PM

your room is epmtyo f youe stuff

Not seen

Etho | 8:30 PM

i juts messaged bdubs adn grian just callde lizzie

Not seen

Etho | 8:30 PM

they both havent seeny ou after class

Not seen

Etho | 8:30 PM

thry said you eevn rushed out of art class a whlie ago

Not seen

Etho | 8:30 PM

and joek and scara re nowhere to be foudn too

Not seen

Etho | 8:30 PM

and joel stoppef repyling tol izzie

Not seen

Etho | 8:30 PM

giran and i aer worried

Not seen

Etho | 8:31 PM

pelase reply wehn you can

Not seen

Etho | 11:07 PM

grian and i just came from the receptionist

Not seen

Etho | 11:07 PM

said you got a call from your family about your parents

Not seen

Etho | 11:08 PM

we don’t know what’s going on, but whatever it is, i hope you know grian and i are here for you

Not seen

Etho | 11:08 PM

and scar and joel of course

Not seen

Etho | 11:11 PM

i really wish you guys are alright

Not seen

Etho | 11:11 PM

and that whatever you guys are going through right now will pass

Not seen

Etho | 11:11 PM

you three are some of the strongest people i’ve ever met

Not seen

Etho | 11:11 PM

especially you

Not seen

Cleo | 2:27 AM

hi

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 2:28 AM

please don’t take any of this personally

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 2:28 AM

i’m so sorry i couldn’t say more

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 2:28 AM

or anything properly to you directly

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 2:28 AM

but i will say

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 2:29 AM

you’ve always been my favorite

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 2:29 AM

and you’ve always had this way of making me feel loved

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 2:29 AM

even though i don’t deserve it

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 2:29 AM

please don’t burn the apartment down now i’m gone

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 2:28 AM

This number has blocked you.

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 3:49 AM

This number has unblocked you.

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 3:49 AM

i just realized that there’s a really big chance we’ll never see each other again

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 3:49 AM

so i

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 3:51 AM

god this is harder than i thought

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 4:07 AM

i love you

Seen 8:28 AM

Cleo | 4:07 AM

This number has blocked you.

Seen 8:28 AM

Etho | 8:30 AM

that’s what i was supposed to tell you last night

ERROR | Message cannot be sent

Etho | 8:30 AM

why didn’t i tell you sooner

ERROR | Message cannot be sent

Etho | 8:30 AM

we won’t burn the apartment down

ERROR | Message cannot be sent

Etho | 8:31 AM

and you deserve all the love in the world

ERROR | Message cannot be sent

Etho | 8:31 AM

and you’ve also always been my favorite

ERROR | Message cannot be sent

Etho | 8:32 AM

i love you too

ERROR | Message cannot be sent

Etho | 8:32 AM

yall better come back to us

ERROR | Message cannot be sent

Etho | 8:36 AM

please

ERROR | Message cannot be sent

Etho | 4:27 PM

cleo

ERROR | Message cannot be sent

Etho | 4:28 PM

our math prof a while ago said you, scar, and joel dropped out?

ERROR | Message cannot be sent

(also this AU is being held up by Glass Animal songs, specifically their album "How to Be A Human Being")

go to the au's next part

A/N: this snippet of cleo and etho is just a part of the big picture as this is just to set up the AU. it will touch on their... relationship (?), but it isn't the focus. the next part i'll write will depend on the poll's answers 👍

feel free to ask qs :]

[swindle-comic]

As Swindle comes off of hiatus, I (Artsy) would just like to say a few things.

I firstly just want to say a big personal thank you to everyone who’s been so patient during this hiatus. I’ve been dealing with a lot over the months that this comic hasn’t been updating and I’m still just keeping my head above water as it is. To those who are so empathetic, so kind, so understanding, thank you. You guys are a big reason why I continue working on this comic, and I am really excited for you to see where the story goes.

Lord knows that I’ve dedicated more than enough time complaining about the small but vocal group of people who have been rude - sometimes excessively so - to both Lolly and I as we work on this comic, and I’d like to not spend a terribly long time dwelling on it, here. I probably won’t mention if for a long while after this post. At the same time, it’s worth noting that we’ve done a lot to try to discourage and manage this behavior with... mixed results. We’ve blocked people for repeated rude behavior, we’ve banned people from our Discord server for rude behavior, we’ve closed our askbox during the hiatus, we’ve introduced an FAQ - and people have evaded being blocked by making throwaway accounts, and we’ve had an incident of an individual making a new Discord account to evade a ban, and people don’t read our FAQ. It’s all really frustrating.

I think, for now, at least, we’re going to only open our askbox to non-anons - though this won’t do too much to prevent throwaways, it’ll at least convolute the means through which people can harass us. So apologies to the shy but kind individuals who had been using anon peacefully, maybe sometime we’ll open it back up again.

Additionally, I’ll like to just once again ask for anyone who hasn’t to check out FAQ, please. It’s in our pinned post for a reason.

Somewhat related to that - mostly that it’s something that’s been covered in the FAQ, is that I’ve noticed an increasing number of people who have been saying they discovered the comic via re-uploads on tiktok and pintrest.

And. Wow. That hurts. It hurts to know, to think about. I know it’s inevitable, trust me, I know this is just the inevitable result of posting anything on the internet, but god, it sucks.

I don’t know how many of you following this blog are artists, but it’s a big long topic that I don’t really have the space or patience to lay out for all of you in this post - this is art theft. We do not allow, we say it right in our FAQ point-blank, we do not allow people to reupload the comic elsewhere. Dubs are fine, again, we’ve covered this, they’re transformative, they offer an experience unique to just reading the comic. But un-voiced reuploads that do nothing but present the comic in a slideshow? That’s stealing. It’s hurtful, and it’s wrong. Both Lolly and I have dealt many times with our work being stolen and we’ve made our stances on reuploads of our work pretty clear on our own blogs.

Please, if you see someone doing this, report them. The only “official” accounts for the comic are this blog and our promotional Instagram page, swindle.comic. If an account is uploading the comic, un-dubbed, they do no have permission to do so, and they need to be reported.

I really don’t expect this to be the last time I have to say something like this or about this, because I know that this comic is going to take a long time to complete and so we’ll always have newcomers who can’t reasonably be asked to sift through the entire blog for posts like these. But for now, I hope it helps keep the interaction with this comic more respectful. I don’t think the people who do this stuff even realize that their behavior literally makes this comic more draining to work on than it should be (which leads to more burnout and hiatuses) - or I wouldn’t be making posts like this at all, because if they did know, they therefore wouldn’t care, and telling them would be pointless. So I hope this serves as a decent reminder that we’re human beings, and we and our work deserves to be respected.

[stardust948]

Frenemies AU angst

(I found this in my drafts and decided to post it. Based off this post.)

Iroh is a senior in military school or already in the military. The parents gaang is junior year in HS so around 16 and 17

Ozai still lives with Azulon but Azulon is hardly at home bc of work. When he is there or when Ozai knows he’s coming soon, he just doesn’t come back until he leaves again. Either stays with Ursa in her RV or roams around town in his car. Later stays with Hakoda and Bato when they become closer friends.

Azulon blames Ozai for Ilah’s death since she died during childbirth. He’s always been emotionally and verbally abusive to Ozai but it didn’t get physical until Iroh left for military boarding school. Ozai was 8-10ish. Mainly involved being burned or tased, which left less of physical scars.

There was a big fight between the two when Ozai announced he wanted to go to Republic Arts high school and pursue a career as a musician. Azulon wanted Ozai to follow his footsteps and go to military school like Iroh. But he backed off after Iroh vouched for his brother. Still, he refused to pay for the school but Ozai earned a scholarship and Iroh covered the rest. Ozai swore up and down he’d pay him back but Iroh just told him to give him free backstage access to his concerts and they’re even. Azulon and Ozai avoided each other after that; strangers in the same home. They physical abuse ended but the threat was still there and the mental scars lasting.

After the incident at the contest, Ursa finds Ozai sitting in his car at the school’s parking lot. She knows better to ask if he’s alright or what was wrong. Instead, she tells him to get into her car and they go back to her RV. There, they spend the rest of the night watching movies and cuddling. Ozai’s feeling somewhat better in the morning; able to speak some but not back to his usual loveable a-hole self. Though he is confused to receive a text from Hakoda of all people checking on him.

Hakoda: Hey man, you good?

Ozai: Are you seriously asking me if I’m good after burning a layer of my skin off?

Hakoda: You kinda just left after without a word.

Ozai: Because I burned a layer of my skin off.

Hakoda: Ozai, I’ve seen you explode over someone using your special pen without permission but you just shut down after burning your hand. Are you sure you’re okay?

Ozai: Who won?

Hakoda: Poppy.

Ozai: We’re going to be hearing about that for all next week.

Hakoda: She was pretty worried about you. We all were. You know, you can talk to me if you want.

Ozai: I just wanted to know who won. Now stop bothering me or I’m blocking you.  

Ozai closed his phone. Just then Ursa stuck her head through the door.

“Hey, my mom made pancakes. You want any?”

Ozai shook his head.

“Alright honey. Keep an eye on my children. I’ll be right back.”

Ozai smiled some as he rolled his eyes. Ursa always referred to her hoard of plants and succulents as her children. Still exhausted, he laid back down and pulled the cover over his head. Out of curiosity, he check his phone one last time.

Hakoda: Ok. See at school.

Ozai powered down his phone. He didn’t have the energy to be annoyed. He ran a hand along the bandages before drifting back to sleep.

///

The conversation they had in the janitor’s closet came flooding back. Hakoda’s seen Ozai fly off the rail many times, but that was the first time he looked guenically hurt. Hakoda’s clumsy joke about Dads also didn’t help. Hakoda cringed at the memory.

His mind drifted to the events after. The dark play Ozai wrote about the little boy slowly dying in the burning building wishing only to see his father again. Finally meeting Ozai’s father with his cold exterior and calculating eyes that made even the brash self-confident Ozai shrink back. And to top it off, Ozai saying he’d never seen his father look happier.

Hakoda didn’t know what to think at the time. He just assumed Azulon was like his father, criticizing his every move and lamenting how he wasn’t good enough.

///

Ozai refuses to bring it up despites Ursa’s suggestions of seeking professional help, even after he and Ursa wed and had children. Not until he lost his temper with Zuko and almost burned him like Azulon. Zuko’s horrified scream snapped Ozai out of it last second. Falling back onto old habits, Ozai took shelter in his car for the night and wept bitterly. Ursa finds him and directly tells him to get help which he finally relents.

It's very slow going but beneficial in the long run. Most importantly, his children never saw that side of Ozai again.

@waterfire1848

[ozwuv]

I love your art! So, I was wondering if you have any drawing tips you could give?

Hiii thank you so much for the kind words, I am really glad you like it!!! :’3

As far as tips, this is kind of a broad question that I think it varies widely in terms of how you want your art to look. Personally, my main priorities are fluidity and character interaction, so that’s what I focus on even though it means I don’t really draw elaborate backgrounds and such. I’m sure I could become better at other things if I tried, but I’m not a professional nor am I trying to be, so I just focus on what’s fun to me.

Putting the rest of this under a cut bc it's gonna be long

As for actual advice, I have three big rules which I think have helped me continue to enjoy drawing as long as I have, which is the most important thing to me. I started drawing as soon as I could hold a pencil, and it's been my main outlet for good and bad times throughout my whole life (I am 26 now). Other people liking what I draw is a treat, but as long as I have fun, that’s ultimately what matters to me. That said, please keep in mind I am speaking solely for myself here since everyone draws for different reasons and in different ways.

The first thing is avoiding perfectionism at all costs when drawing, because it sucks the fun out of the process and ruins the visual fluidity in whatever I’m working on. An example of this is that I don’t like to go back and revise lines I’ve already placed, because the more I try to polish them, the stiffer they look. Even in digital art I try to roll with mistakes instead of erasing, or just completely undo the line I placed and try again. 

The other thing is something I actually picked up from dog training which is arguably my biggest passion in life. There’s a common saying amongst dog trainers: No “one more time” — which essentially means that when find yourself thinking “one more time,” you need switch gears immediately and do something else because you have hit your frustration threshold and every attempt from then on will be frustrating & counterproductive for both you and the dog. 

This applies to pretty much every aspect of life for me, but it made a huuuge difference when I started to consider it within the context of drawing. If I just stop whatever I’m frustrated with and go back to it later, 99% of the time I can pinpoint exactly what bothered me and how I could have fixed it. I’m typically not the type to work on something over various sittings, so even if I don’t finish the picture I was working on after coming back to it, being able to pinpoint what went wrong about it is a lesson I can apply to whatever I work on next.

The third rule ties into the last one, which is just not pushing myself. If I’m not having fun with a drawing anymore, I’m not going to force it. If it’s not coming out the way I want it to, I’m not gonna push it. Any time I've pushed through frustration to finish something, I wound up disliking how it came out. This isn’t really realistic for someone who is a professional (or aiming to be), but for me who just likes drawing anime characters for fun, it’s perfect. Because of this, I haven’t dealt with constant art blocks like I used to. I definitely still have them, but they're usually brief and not distressing to me. I feel like I’ve kind of stagnated the past several years, but at the end of the day I have a blast when I draw and that’s all that matters to me!

There's a common sentiment that everybody hates/is embarrassed of the things they drew in the past or even right after finishing and/or posting them. But it doesn't have to be like that, and imo it shouldn't. I think that just means there are some things about one's process and mindset that need to be reflected on.

Hopefully that helps somewhat, but YMMV if your priorities are more in the vein of constant improvement and/or being a professional :] I know this was kind of an abstract response, so if anyone has specific questions feel free to ask lol

[jimin-jungshook-over-literalbae]

Blinding Light Chapter Three

Hey guys! Back again with Chapter Three. Guess I’m just plowing through the writing of these. I haven’t felt this inspired in a while. It’s odd. I’m pretty excited to be writing this so we’ll see how everything goes. Hopefully, I can stay somewhat consistent. I’ve gotten some wonderful encouragement while writing this au.

Hybrids: Munchkin Cat Y/N (Omega), Fox Jin (Omega), Panther Yoongi (Alpha), Golden Retriever J-Hope (Beta), Wolf RM (Alpha), Calico Cat Jimin (Omega), Tiger V (Beta), Bunny Jungkook (Beta)

Word Count: 4, 274

Description: Y/N has spent the past seven years trapped in a hole in the floor. Forced in horrible situations she wished nothing more than to escape. When escape presents itself in the form of a group of seven hybrids, surely she must have finally snapped. Now, she has to figure out how a normal life works after being trapped in perpetual hell with her suddenly appearing mates.

Masterlist

Previous Chapter, Next Chapter

The next morning, I’m able to sneak out of the bed much easier than the morning before. I had promised Taehyung that I would meet him in his art studio to get the coffee mug for Yoongi. I try to sneak as quietly as I can, still wanting it to be a surprise. I open the door to the studio, only to be surprised to see a room lined with bookcases. All kinds of books sit on them, all shapes, sizes, and colors. Namjoon lounges on a couch, a book open in his hands. I blush as he looks up at me.

“Sorry, I thought this was Tae’s art studio,” I admit bashfully. He sets his book down, marking his page.

“It’s no problem. It’s two more doors down,” Namjoon offers me a smile, his dimples on display.

“I-Is it okay if I take a look around?” I chew on my bottom lip. I had never been in a library before. None of my owners were ever big readers so I hadn’t spent a lot of time around books. I can feel his eyes on me as I wander the room, looking at different books.

“You can borrow any books you want, whenever,” This comes from right behind me and then his chest is against my back as he pulls a book from the shelf. I can’t help but blush,” Try this one. You might like the story.”

“Can I ask you a question?” I glance over at him, the book clasped to my chest,” Are you okay with me being here? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“What would make you ask that?” He pauses, giving me a confused look.

“I just… it seems like you might not like me very much and we haven’t really spent any time around each other,” I admit. I can’t help but think about him being at the back of the group in my room last night.

“I don’t dislike you,” He folds his hands and rests his chin on them,” I just wanted to give you time. This must all be very overwhelming for you and I didn’t want to add to your stress. Plus, I figured you might need a break from seeing me, seeing as I’m the one that keeps interrogating me.”

I think his words over for a minute. In the two time I had spent time with Namjoon, they had both been high stress situations. I’m sure that didn’t give him the best impression. Plus, he’s heard the more intimate details of my times. I’ve been fairly good at blocking that from my mind. I’m just trying to be normal. I’ll have to deal with those memories and emotions at some point, but I have time.

“I don’t dislike you either,” I say finally, giving him a bright smile,” I hope we can spend some time together in the future. To become more comfortable with each other.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Namjoon gives me a dimpled smile and returns to his book. I go two more doors down to meet Taehyung. He yawns, stretching and scratching his head. He seems half asleep. I feel kind of bad for making him wake up so early so I could get the cup before breakfast. Tae brightens up upon seeing me.

“It’s ready. I double checked to make sure it was solid and it should be good,” He holds the cup out to me and I cradle it gently in my hands. I set it down gently on the table and jump into his arms, hugging him tightly.

“Thank you!” He seems stunned for a moment but then quickly hugs me back. I pull back and pick the cup back up,” I have to get back before Yoongi wakes up.”

I run back to my room, sitting the cup on the night stand and hoping onto the bed. I land partially on Yoongi, who grunts. He blinks for a few moments before focusing on me. My face hovers over his as I smile down at him.

“I have a present for you!” I announce, hoping out of his reach before he can wrap his arms around me and try to go back to sleep. I pick up the cup and put it behind my back,” Close your eyes and hold out your hands.”

He does as I say, his eyes closing quickly. It warms my heart that he listened so quickly. I place it in his hands gently, trying to contain my excitement. I really hope he likes it. This is the first gift I’ve ever given someone, let alone one that I’ve made.

“Open,” I say softly. His eyes open and immediately fix on the coffee cup,” Tae showed me how to make pottery yesterday. I noticed you drink a lot of coffee and I thought you might li-“

He pulls me toward him, interrupting me words as his lips press to mine. A whine is trapped in my throat as his lips consume mine. His hands are at my waist as mine rest on his cheeks. It feels like home, comfort, sunlight, a warm that builds in the soul. It’s like I can feel our souls being knit together. The idea of being away from him, of never being able to see him again, would tear me apart. Is this what being mates means? He finally pulls away, both of us breathless. His lips are a little red and I can’t help but think of how they got that way.

“Thank you,” His smile is gummy and sweet. His hands now rest on my hips,” I love it. I hope I wasn’t too forward or anything.”

“It’s fine, really,” I give him a quick peck on the lips before dancing out of his reach,” Jin is gonna have breakfast ready soon.”

“We can still cuddle before breakfast,” He whines.

“Nuh-uh. No way. We’ll never make it downstairs,” I open the door again, the delicious smell of breakfast wafting upstairs,” I’m gonna go see if I can help him with anything. If you’re not downstairs before breakfast is on the table, I’m sending the chaos twins.”

I watch him rolls his eyes before I close the door and head downstairs and to the kitchen. He’s fully focused on his cooking, seemingly unaware of my presence. He’s flipping pancakes and humming to himself. It’s strange to think that the professional doctor I saw that first night is this same man. I clear my throat and he jumps a little, nearly dropping a pancake on the floor.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you,” I rush forward, feeling immediately guilty.

“I just startle easily,” He laughs jovially, throwing the pancake back in the pan,” Breakfast won’t be done for a few more minutes.”

“I know, I just had a question for you,” I chew my bottom lip nervously. I’ve really got to stop doing that.

“Ask away, darling,” He keeps cooking but he glances up at me from time to time.

“My… previous owner had me on a heat suppressant. I took it daily. I don’t know if there are any bad effects to being off of it this long, if I should stay on it or what we should do,” I trail off, not sure where I’m going with this, now.

“Well, it’s not great for a Hybrid to be on suppressants. They can have some pretty nasty side effects while you’re on them. That being said, they aren’t a medicine that makes you sick, going cold turkey. It lingers in your system for about 2-3 weeks, depending on the dosage. We’ll just have to keep track of your cycle while you’re coming off of it,” I help him set the various plates on the table,” We have a den on the first floor we use for our heats. I’ll have Namjoon get it ready in case you go into your heat early. It’ll probably be a really short one, at first. Your next one would be normal, though.”

“Okay. I just wanted to make sure. Would you guys… prefer if I stay on them? I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or make them feel obligated to help me with my heats. I’ve gone through them alone before so it’s not a big deal,” I’m glad no one has come in yet, or I would feel way more embarrassed.

“That one is up to you. We would obviously never make you have help. That being said, don’t ever feel like you can’t ask any of us for help. Any one of us would be glad to help and it would never be trouble,” Jin shoots me a smile and wink before yelling at everyone to come to breakfast. We all eat before it’s time for everyone to split off for the day. Namjoon and Jin head to work, Namjoon dragging Jimin and Taehyung with him. Hoseok and Yoongi are off next, leaving me and Jungkook.

“Looks like you’re stuck with me for the day,” He grins broadly, his bunny teeth on full display,” I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?” My eyebrows furrow.

“Would you like me to teach you some self defense?” His question catches me off guard,” With us not catching your owner and with what happened in the van, I feel like you knowing self defense might come in handy.”

“That would actually be really great,” I’m surprised that the idea makes me happy.

“I know it’s hard, as an Omega, to picture yourself hurting someone else. Jimin was the same way,” Jungkook gets up from his seat to help me stack the dishes and put them in the sink,” But I know everyone would be more comfortable leaving you by yourself if you had some kind of defense.”

After we finish the dishes, we head upstairs to get changed into more work out style clothes. Another pair of bicycle shorts and a t-shirt that was left on my bed and smells like Yoongi. There’s a new pair of tennis shoes sitting in the closet too, so I throw those on. Jungkook waits for me the in the hallway, leading me into a room that turns out to be his gym. He does some quick rearranging, laying some mats on the floor.

“Stand here,” he motions his hands to the spot in front of him,” So, your advantage is that you’re almost always gonna be smaller, so you’re faster and can get out of tight spots easier. However, if you get hit, it’s gonna hurt. Almost everything I’m going to show you is going to be a move that can be used to help you escape.”

He takes me through a lot of different moves, practicing each one until I feel comfortable with it. He shows me how to position my hands and feet, how to move my body and avoid injury. We break after a couple of hours to eat some sandwiches and catch our breath. There’s something enjoyable about just moving your body. Not having to think and just moving.

“Now, if you ever have to punch someone, it comes from your hips. You move your whole body with it, or it doesn’t have the impact you want. Show me your fist,” I hold it up for him. His hands cover mine as he readjusts them,” You want to hold it like this to avoid breaking anything. If you send a punch from your elbow, it’s gonna hurt like hell. Watch me.”

He demonstrates a punch and I try to copy his movements. He stands behind me and guides my movement. His hands are warm, even on my fevered skin. We run through a few more stances and movements before we finally call it a day.

“You did great! I was worried you wouldn’t want to learn them but I’m glad you were okay with it,” Jungkook chugs water from a bottle he got from the mini fridge. He tosses one to me, which I catch,” I’d still prefer if you were around one of the other guys if shit goes down, but at least I know you can hold your own.”

“I’m sure real situations will be much different and I doubt I’ll perform as well as a rehearsed situation,” I sit cross legged on one of the mats. Yoongi’s shirt is so long on me that it goes to my knees.

“That’s what I’m here for. I can practice with you whenever you want,” He still seems quite energetic despite our hours of work. He pauses for a second before his eyes widen,” Oh! I almost forgot. I have something for you. Lets get cleaned up and then I’ll meet you in the living room.”

After a quick shower and a change of clothes, I make my way to the living room. Jungkook is on the phone when I head downstairs. I wait patiently on the couch while he finishes up. Once he’s done, he collapses on the couch next to me. His hair is wet and he now wears jeans and a t-shirt. After a moment, he straightens up again.

“Okay, so I have to go and meet Namjoon to get some work done. We wanted you to have this,” He holds out a phone,” I’ve programmed everyone’s numbers in. I can show you how to use it real quick.”

He walks me through setting up my new phone, including the Face ID and passcode. He also shows me texting and informs me that he’s added me to a group chat with the guys. Apparently, they use that as a main method of communication with each other. I nod along, unsure of what I would even say.

“If you need anything, give one of us a call. We’ll probably pick up some kind of take out for dinner since we all had to go out today,” Jungkook catches me off guard by pressing a quick kiss to my forehead,” I’ll see you when I get back.”

And then I’m alone. For the first time in three days, I’m completely alone. Thoughts and emotions rush through me all at once. Too many to process, or even comprehend. I suddenly feel more exhausted than I did before, curling up on the couch with my face pressed into a pillow. There’s a blanket on the back of the couch that I pull around me. It smells like Jimin.

I’m not sure how long I dozed off but a loud sound brings me from my sleep. The sound of glass breaking is jarring in the empty house. Before I can even process the sound, I’m on my feet and running. I scramble up the stairs and into a random room, trying to close the door as quietly as possible behind me.

The smell of Jin swirls around me. I run into his closet and pull myself up the shelves like a ladder, pressing myself flat against the top shelf. My small form shouldn’t be visible from below. I can hear footsteps on the landing, and voices.

“We have to be fast. We don’t know how long they’re going to be gone,” The voice is rough and sends a shiver of fear down my spine.

“They should be gone long enough for us to find the girl. Although, this house is fucking massive,” Another voice grumbles,” We’ll have to search every room.

I hear the door to this room open and it feels like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. I have to hope that being surround by Jin’s clothes is enough to cover my scent. Omega’s tend to have more aggressive scents, they are naturally off put more. I can hear crashing in the room and I can feel my anxiety rising. When I hear the footsteps come toward me, I hold my breath. It feels like eternity but then they’re leaving this room and moving to the next.

I scramble back down the shelves and press my ear to the wall to see what I can hear. I peek out the door and, seeing the hallway empty, dash quickly down to Jungkook’s gym. I shut the door quietly and grab the bar from the bench press machine. It’s heavy but not too heavy for me to lift of swing. I hide behind the stacked mats. Jungkook must have cleaned up in here before his shower. I hold the bar close to me, ready to swing if I need to.

I feel a slight buzz in my pocket and remember the phone Jungkook had given me. I pull it out to see I have missed a couple calls and texts from the boys. I open my phone to the group chat and type just a few words. ‘There’s someone in the house.’ Then it goes back into my pocket. I’m glad that it was on silent.

It feels like forever before I hear the door to the gym open. Once again, things are crashing around. Then, the sound that sends shiver down my spine, the mats are being pulled out of the way. Then I’m face to face with a large black bear hybrid. His Alpha scent is aggressive. I swing before I can think, hitting him across the face. We’re both stunned for a second.

“Did you just-“ He’s cut off again as I stand to my full height and swing again. This one has my full strength behind hit. This time, he hits the ground hard, his head bouncing off the hardwood. I watch him for a few moments, waiting to see if he moves. He doesn’t get up, seemingly unconscious. Blood trickles from the spot on his head where the bar hit. I drop the bar, looking around the trashed room. I race out of the room, trying to think of where the best place to hide is. I don’t really want to deal with a pissed off bear when he comes to. Before I can make it to the stairs, my path is blocked by a different hybrid. I stop in my tracks, a leopard hybrid standing before me. He takes a step toward me and I step back, my eyes flicking around for a quick way to escape.

I leap up onto the bannister beside me, jumping down to the floor below, moving on instinct. I pitch forward in a roll, leaping to my feet and running into the kitchen. I can hear the leopard hit the floor behind me. I grab a knife from the knife block, clutching it tightly in both hands. He raises both hands, approaching me slowly.

“You wouldn’t want to do that,” He’s the grumbly voice from earlier,” We both know that you don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Then leave,” There’s so much venom in my voice that it even surprises me. I can feel the adrenaline coursing through me.

He leaps at me and it’s like everything slows down. His body slams into the knife, the knife piercing through without any effort on my end. He must have thought I was bluffing, that I would drop the knife and try to run. I let the knife go but it stays in his stomach, his hands going to it as he collapses to the floor.

There’s blood on my hands. Seeing that sends me over the edge. The panic hits me hard and fast, and suddenly, it’s hard to breath. Tears well in my eyes and I can’t stop them, I can barely focus. I curl into a ball, moving as far away from the collapsed man as possible.

“Y/N!” The voice sounds far away. I can’t even focus enough to tell who it is.

Hands touch me and I flinch. I glance back to see a familiar shade of pink and the smell of spiced apples wraps around me. He wraps his arms around me, carrying me away from the man. Someone is crouched next to the man but I can’t see through the tears.

“Shhhh…. You’re okay. I’m right here. It’s okay,” Jimin coos, rocking me back in forth in his arms. It takes a long time, but his tight hug and gentle humming eventually pull me out of the panic attack. I’m so exhausted I can barely move. By the time I come out of it, everyone is here. Jungkook is dragging a very pissed off bear downstairs while Jin hovers over the stabbed leopard.

“I stabbed a man,” My voice is shaky and weak.

“Shhhh….. It’s fine. You did it to defend yourself. No one is mad at you,” He nuzzles my cheek.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” The words flow out of me without my permission. I think I’m in shock. I can’t focus on anything other than the knife stabbing into the leopard.

Jimin just holds me for a while, humming softly. I doze off in his arms, the exhaustion finally crashing into me full force. When I wake up, I can hear voices. I keep my eyes closed, listening.

“Is she okay?” Yoongi asks, concern in his voice.

“She was in shock. She stabbed someone, so I can’t blame her. She’s asleep right now, though,” Jimin’s voice is soft, his breath brushing my ear.

“They must have been keeping watch. They waited until we were all gone,” Jungkook this time. I can hear pacing footsteps.

“We can’t leave her alone again. I’m not giving them another opportunity,” Namjoon this time.

“It’ll have to be one of us then. Jin and Tae have actual jobs. They can’t skip days like the rest of us,” Hoseok speaks up.

“We’ll trade off. It doesn’t matter who stays, as long as someone does. They trashed most of the rooms, but a few are still intact,” Namjoon answers this time. “I would like to know how she knocked out that massive bear,” Jungkook laughs a little. His voice is close.

I open my eyes slowly, peering up at the underside of Jimin’s jaw. I shift a little to alert them that I’m awake. I can feel all eyes focused on me and it makes me nervous. I sit up in Jimin’s lap, lifting myself up to sit next to him, between him and Yoongi. I lean into Yoongi’s side.

“Baby, what happened?” Jungkook is the first to speak up.

“I was taking a nap on the couch and I heard glass break. I ran upstairs and into Jin’s room. I climbed the shelves in the closet to the top and laid flat. After they checked it, I snuck out and down to Jungkook’s gym room. I grabbed the bench press bar and hid behind the stacked mats. When he pulled the mats aside, I hit him with the bar. Twice. I tried to run downstairs but the leopard confronted me before I could get to the stairs. I jumped down from the bannister and ran into the kitchen. I held the knife in front of me and he jumped at me. I don’t know if he expected me to drop it, but I didn’t. I… stabbed him,” My voice chokes on the last few words. Yoongi rubs his hand up and down my back in a calming manner.

“It was self defense. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Hoseok’s voice is gentle.

“He’s going to be just fine. He just needed a few stitches and a blood transfusion. You didn’t hit any vital organs and the wound was relatively shallow. He’s already started to heal,” Jin gives me an encouraging smile as he speaks.

“Honestly, you didn’t even really stab him. The idiot just ran into your knife,” Jungkook pipes up,” Who jumps at someone holding a knife, hoping they’ll drop it? That’s dumb.”

“A few of the rooms survived the onslaught. Y/N’s, Tae’s, and mine. Looks like we’re bunking up for the night, guys. The cleaning crew will be here in the morning,” With that, everyone starts to get up from their spots on the floor. Yoongi gets up and then turns to help me up.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” My words are nearly whispered but his ears flick and his arms wrap around me. He presses a gentle kiss to my lips.

“Of course. I can even share if that will make you more comfortable,” He rests his forehead against mine for a moment before pulling back. I nod, already knowing who else to invite.

“I’ll meet you upstairs,” I turn and run off, looking for a specific person. It takes me some time, but I find him outside his room, peering through the door at the damage.

“Hey,” My voice is soft. He turns to face me.

“Hey,” His lips quirk up in a smile.

“I- would you mind…?” I trail off, my nerves becoming too much. I take a deep breath,” Would you mind staying with me tonight? I-I mean, Yoongi will be there too. I-I just-“

“Of course,” He gives me a bright smile.

“Really?” I can’t help but feel shocked. We hadn’t gotten to spend much time together so I was surprised that he agreed so quickly. He’s just so comfortable to around, like Yoongi.

“If it will make you more comfortable, than I really don’t mind. I might even enjoy it,” His tone is teasing this time.

“Thank you, Hoseok,” I feel breathless. Somehow, I’m nervous that he’s going to be staying with me.

“Call me Hobi. Everyone else does,” He throws an arm around my shoulders,” Come on, before Yoongi finds a way to take up the whole bed.”

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Chapter Four soon!!

[parkerslatte]

Big Love || TWO

Warren Rojas x Fem!Reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1.7k

Part Summary: Y/N shows up for work late and reunites with a familiar face.

previous chapter / next chapter

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

•••

TRACK TWO;

SKIPS A BEAT

…

WARREN ROJAS: After Y/N moved, we tried to keep in contact but eventually we just drifted apart. I was sad about it, but what could we do?

…

Y/N spread blue paint across the canvas, making sure to cover it completely. She had piles of unfinished work scattered around her apartment, nearly making her living area uninhabitable. Sighing, Y/N leant back looking at the canvas, she had only one colour painted but she had no motivation or inspiration to do anything else. When she first sat down, she had an amazing idea in mind but as she was doing it, the idea fell flat and uninteresting. 

Rubbing her hands across her face, Y/N let out a groan. None of her paintings were going right. Getting up from her stool, Y/N headed into her bedroom and slumped down onto her bed, closing her eyes. It was silent, the only sound heard was the sound of the clock ticking. 

Y/N hated silence, she wanted to hear music playing around her apartment but her record player broke that week and she couldn’t afford to pay for a new one, she could barely afford her rent currently. 

Opening her eyes and looking at the clock situated on the wall, Y/N’s eyes widened, “Shit!”

Quickly getting up from the bed, she threw open the doors to her closet and rummaged through it for something appropriate to wear, not something stained with paint.

“Shit, shit, shit.” She muttered, pulling clothes from her closet. 

Peeling off the paint covered clothes from her body, Y/N quickly changed into her clean pair of clothes and quickly put her shoes on and left the house. She walked as fast as she could to the club she worked at. Entering through the back entrance, she let out a sigh of relief.

“Y/N!” Her co-worker, Daniel, said as he approached her, “Where were you? I’ve been covering your ass for an hour now.”

“Sorry,” Y/N says, “I was distracted with my panting and completely forgot the time.”

“Were you distracted with painting or distracted while not painting, you told me you’ve had art block for weeks now.” Daniel says.

“I know,” Y/N says, “I won’t be late again.”

“You better not be,” Daniel says, “Because I can’t keep covering for you.”

Y/N nodded and looked out at the crowd, “What’s up with the crowd? There’s normally not this many people.”

“A new band Teddy Price is producing is performing.” Daniel explains. 

“Hopefully they’re good,” Y/N says, “I would kill to listen to some good music right now.”

As Y/N took the many orders she had for drinks, the band was called to the stage. She didn’t pay any attention as they went up on the stage as she was too busy remembering everyone’s orders. However, as the band began to play, Y/N stopped in her tracks. 

It had been years since she had heard that voice but she would recognise it anywhere. Turning to look at the stage, Y/N’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head.

“Daniel, I’m going on my break.” Y/N says.

“You can’t, we’ve got loads of people to get through.” Daniel says.

“Please,” Y/N begged, “It will only be for five minutes, I promise.”

Daniel sighed, “Five minutes only.”

“Thanks!” Y/N exclaimed, pressing a kiss to Daniel’s cheek and rushed away, fighting her way through the crowd until she was standing at the front of the stage. 

As her eyes scanned over the band members, she identified them all one by one, the only one she didn’t recognise was the girl on the stage playing the keyboard. As Y/N made eye contact with the drummer her heart skipped a beat, he looked the same as she remembered but older. 

As the song came to a close, Warren looked out at the crowd and he felt like he froze up. There standing front and centre of the audience was the girl he never thought he would see again. 

“Y/N!” Daniel says, appearing at her side, “Come on, I’m the only one behind the bar.”

Y/N spared a final glance at Warren before she disappeared into the crowd and back to the bar. 

The whole time the band played, Y/N was desperately trying to look over the crowd to see the band but it was no use, the crowd was too big and she was too far back to see. As she took people’s orders and began making their drinks, she continuously gave people the wrong drinks altogether, getting the orders mixed up, leaving it to Daniel to correct them.

“Y/N,” Daniel says, “What’s going on with you tonight?”

“I don’t know,” Y/N says, “I think I’m just a little distracted.”

“You can say that,” Daniel says, “Why don’t you leave work early tonight, get home and have some sleep.”

“I can’t leave you here to deal with this crowd.” Y/N says. 

“I’ll be okay,” Daniel says, “I’ve basically been working on my own all night anyways.”

“Sorry.” Y/N says sheepishly. 

“It’s fine,” Daniel says, giving her a smile to reassure her, “Now go home and get some rest.”

Y/N nodded and stepped out from behind the bar and exited the building. Instead of going home, Y/N lingered, waiting for the band to come out. Her arms were folded across her chest to keep herself warm as she stood in the cold night air. As she stood there, her mind began to play tricks on itself, convincing her that she was just hallucinating the band and they weren’t really there. The longer Y/N stood out in the cold, the more she believed it to be true. 

Tapping her foot on the floor impatiently Y/N looked around in case she missed the band leaving the building, there was no one around her. 

“I’m telling you, Eddie,” Warren says, stepping out the building, “It was Y/N.”

“Are you sure?” Eddie says, “I mean it’s been years since we’ve last seen her.”’

“I’m sure,” Warren says, “I can’t forget a face like hers.”

Y/N perked up and her head snapped to the left after overhearing the conversation. Looking at the two band members made her feel like she was fourteen again. A grin spread across her face.

“Warren!” Y/N calls out, approaching the two. 

Warren’s head snaps up and he makes eye contact with Y/N. The whole world stands still as their eyes meet, the sounds around them becoming muffled. Throwing his cigarette down on the floor, he rushed over to her.

“Wait, that’s Y/N?” Eddie says but Warren couldn’t hear him. 

As the two met in the middle, Y/N threw her arms around Warren’s neck, pulling him into a bone crushing hug. Warren held her body tight against him and buried his head into her neck. 

“Oh my god,” Y/N mumbled, “It’s really you.”

Warren didn’t reply, he simply clung onto her tiger, closing his eyes and imagining that they were the only two people around. Her hair still smelt the same as it did when they were younger, and the smell brought back many memories for Warren, memories so specific that he had forgotten over the years they had been apart. 

Y/N didn’t really know what to think, she never thought she would see Warren again let alone hold him in her arms. She gripped tightly onto him, afraid that if she let go, she would realise she would have been imagining it all.

“I missed you.” Warren mumbled into her shoulder. 

“I missed you too.” Y/N whispered. 

As Y/N opened her eyes, she saw the figure of who was standing just behind the pair. Pulling away from Warren, Y/N wrapped her arms around him.

“I missed you too, Eddie.” Y/N says hugging her other friend. 

“Yeah,” Eddie says in surprise, “I missed you too.”

As Y/N pulled away from Eddie and stepped back, Warren’s arm was immediately wrapped around her waist, pulling her lightly into his side.

“What are you guys doing in LA?” Y/N asks, her smile radiant, “Well, obviously the band, but why are you here?”

“Well we were told that if we wanted to make it big, we needed to come here,” Eddie explains, “So, here we are.”

“And you’re signed by Teddy Price?” Y/N says, looking between the two, “Do you realise how big that is? There are so many bands and artists that pass through who only dream of that opportunity.”

Warren didn’t reply to anything Y/N said, he continued to look at her like she held up the moon. 

“When did you even get here?” Y/N questioned, looking at Warren.

Snapping out of his daydream, Warren answered, “About five months ago.”

“I’m so happy to see you guys,” Y/N says, “It’s been years.”

“Seven years.” Warren says.

“That long?” Y/N says, “Wow, I’m surprised how you lived without me.”

“Well Warren-”

“Hey, shouldn’t we head back inside,” Warren says, cutting Eddie off, “We’re probably ready to start another song.”

Eddie raised his eyebrow at Warren but complied with his friend's orders, heading back into the building, leaving Y/N and Warren alone. 

“Do you want to come back in?” Warren questions, “It’s gonna be a good show.”

“I’d love to but I’m technically meant to be working and my coworker sent me home and if he sees me back in there he'll probably blow up on me.” Y/N explained. 

“Right, that’s fine.” Warren says, trying to hide his disappointment. 

“But,” Y/N says, pulling out a pen from her pocket and grabbing Warren’s hand, “After your show, you can come to my apartment.”

Y/N wrote down her address on Warren’s hand and smiled at him. The feeling of Y/N’s hand holding his was a feeling that Warren had missed. 

“Have a great show, Warren,” Y/N says, kissing his cheek, “I’ll see you later.”

Y/N gave one final smile to Warren before leaving down the street. Warren watched her walk away, a dopey smile on his face. 

“I thought you were following me in?” Eddie says, appearing at Warren’s side.

“Yeah, I’m coming now.” Warren says, tearing his eyes away from where Y/N had disappeared. 

Eddie, noticing the change in Warren’s behaviour sighed, “You’re still not over her?”

“Whatever, man, let’s just go in.” Warren says, pushing Eddie back through the doors. 

… WARREN ROJAS: Seeing Y/N again brought back all of the feelings I forgot about in the years we’d been apart. She just didn’t feel the same way.

____________________

[frikatilhi]

it’s sadly nothing too specific, but maybe it can still be a source of inspiration. I’ve been thinking a lot about Jere in that luchadora mask and Bojan training with that MMA champion. I’m sure they’d /enjoy/ play fighting (or maybe training together) a lot a lot…

Oh my god. Okay, confession time: Bojan’s instastories about training with that MMA champ did numbers on me, and I accidentally wrote a Bojan/omc pwp that I’m now just sitting with and wondering if it fits in another story or not or if it’s just doomed.

Anyway, here’s an answer to your prompt! Jere and Bojan sparring. I know nothing of sports, if you can't tell. 😂

Jere wasn’t sure if this was a good idea. But Bojan had asked so enthusiastically (“There’s even a Finnish sauna there! We can go afterwards and you can make fun of how wrong it is!”). Usually Jere was always up to trying anything new, and he had been working out a lot himself lately, if mostly only with weights, so he thought why not? Martial arts? Could be fun?

Now, looking around at the gym, he was having serious second thoughts. He wasn’t insecure about his looks, and he couldn’t care less what these dudes - ripped, sculptural, giant dudes - thought of him and his short legs and soft belly. But something about this place got to him, a little. Maybe it was the way some of these guys were looking at him, like they were sizing him up. Or maybe it was the way Bojan was fist-bumping everyone, laughing, excited, clearly in his element. 

Because Bojan wasn’t always like that. Jere had seen him at some of his low moments, and watching this Bojan, so giddy and carefree, felt awesome and bittersweet at the same time. He wanted to think he had something to do with it - he’d been like this at least since Finland, Jere thinks - but on the other hand, there could be a million reasons. Anything and everything could be behind Bojan’s new mood - making new music, touring, big stadium concert, meeting new people, maybe finding a new sport? Which, admittedly, to Jere seemed less like a sport and more like a form of foreplay, but hey, if Bojan liked it, who was he to judge?

Then again, maybe that’s exactly why Bojan liked it, and the thought sent an unpleasant jolt through him. He couldn’t deny that the sight of Bojan rolling around with some… thigh-master of a human, it woke something in him, something he maybe wasn’t super proud of.

“You ready?” asked Bojan, jogging towards him.

“Sure.” Jere followed him to the mat.

“Have you done martial arts before? Boxing or kickboxing?” asked Bojan.

Jere jumped on his feet a little to warm up. “Only cardio, with bag.”

“Ok good, so you know some basic techniques?” Bojan was also bouncing, moving his weight from one side to another.

“Sure, some, yeah.”

Bojan beamed. “Ok, so let’s do this!”

They started with simple one-for-one exchanges. Staying within punching range, taking turns. Slips, fakes, returns off of a block. They kept it light and easy, laughing as they went. Bojan showed him a few sequences that they then repeated until the movements were smooth. Jere found that he was enjoying himself, despite not being in his comfort zone. His hockey days might be far behind him, but the quick movements and core control required to stay in control seemed to come natural to him. 

After a while they moved into takedowns. Bojan had been working hard on learning them, so he was enthusiastic about showing off his skills. This required more contact, and soon Jere found himself pinned down, locked in between Bojan’s legs. Relaxing himself, admitting defeat, he started to get up, but Bojan pushed back, his thighs keeping Jere in place. 

“Say it,” Bojan said, laughing.

Jere huffed out a laugh, as well. “You want me to say it?”

“Yes, I think I do.” Bojan squeezed his legs a little harder. The sensation was… not bad, and it took Jere by surprise. He wanted to laugh it off, make a joke, but suddenly couldn’t think of anything to say. Nothing light-hearted enough came to mind, instead, his breath caught in his throat and he felt–

Shit. Shit shit shit.

“Okay, you win,” he breathed out quickly. Bojan stopped laughing. He let him go and stood up. He reached to pull Jere up, and Jere took his hand.

“You okay?” asked Bojan, looking at him closely.

“Yes yes, of course,” Jere said, trying to laugh it off. “Again?”

Bojan smiled. “Your turn to try!”

Maybe it was time he talked to Bojan, Jere thought. About… things. Maybe it would be better than accidentally getting hard while working out with him. Wouldn’t be any less awkward though, maybe. 

But that would be later. Now, he was ready to take Bojan down.

[scaraberri]

Celestial Symphony

[04: The past cant change]

[scaramouche x Fem!reader]

Word count: 1k

Note: hi

Eula, Sara , Kokomi , Noelle , Duchess (?)

Eula walked through the hallways of [l/n] manor.  Its clear that duke [l/n] is quite a popular aristocrat from all the expensive art placed through the hallways, whether they were gifts or rewards. No matter what prestige he holds that never makes him a good father nor a good man…

The Knight opens the door to the room she had been searching, slowly turning the door knob.

“Lady Lawrence” the Duchess greets her, smiling at her

“Your grace” Eula slight bows her head but that’s all the respect she’s getting form her

They stand in awkward silence before the duchess speaks again “Please come have a seat” she motions to the empty chair Infront of her.

Eula closes the door behind her before going to sit next to the duchess.

“So how have her studies been” the duchess asks signaling a maid to fetch her some tea

“They’ve been going good actually, she’s a quick learner” Replies, the maid now having brought some tea and was pouring in into two cups

“I see so I’m guessing she’s now on par with most children of the aristocracy” The duchess said raising her cup to her lips…

The cup barely stops near Eula’s lips “Pardon?”

“Oh, its nothing” She smiles yet again “What I mean is it’s surprising a child like her even managed survive a month”

“What are you saying?” Eula glares at the duchess, she will not tolerate any insults thrown her way, especially if it concerns her student.

“I’m sure that someone of pure noble blood as your self can understand”

“Her existence is a pure mistake honestly it should be as if she never existed in the first place-”

Crack

“Lady Eula…” the duchess stares Blankley at the broken cup as pieces of glass slipped from Eula’s hand

“Apologies I understand that was some off your best Tupper wear” Eula stares at the shards of glass on the floor “I’ll make it up to you”

See doesn’t even spare a glance and quickly walks out the door

The maid hesitantly approaches the broken pieces of glass on the floor as she looks up to see the duchess’s expression

“Your grace”

“I’m fine Lenora….” She places her head on her hand

“I’ll convince her sooner or later”

○•♡•○•♡•○•♡•○•♡•○•♡•○

…

…

“Your grace” Noelle’s head pops into your line of sight blocking your view of the ceiling.

“Is something wrong?” you ask, barely moving a muscle.

“Should we perhaps go out on a stroll? I don’t think staying in that position for long is good for your blood flow…”

“…I don’t really feel like it” you look to the side…Noelle frowns at this…

“Your grace is everything alright?” Noelle asks her voice much quieter that it originally was

“Huh…oh…no I’m fine” you smile

“You’re not, why is it that every time you smile you seem so … tired?”

tired

tired?...

“[n/n] please tell me what’s wrong…I’m supposed to be your personal maid, I’m supposed to help your grace with any matter big or small…”  

You sigh deeply catching Noelle by surprise

“I guess … I am tired” you start, Noelle gently holds your hand before you continue

“I’m so sick of this house, I’ve only been here for a month and I hate it. No one’s telling me anything … No one told me what I have to do now, that I’m an heir …” you hugged your knees burying your face in them

“I-…I want to know how he died; I want to know where he’s buried. He was my brother … the only one I had …”

○•♡•○•♡•○•♡•○•♡•○•♡•○

It was spring at the time. You were in your house’s backyard, picking up flower petals that fell in from your neighbor’s flower tree. Your mother was currently cooking whatever you were suppose to have for dinner, but your 4-year-old self could care less.

You messily held onto the petals, looking up at the tree they fell from. You lowered your gaze only to stop the person who had been stalking you from the bushes.

“…hi” The stranger said

“…” you just stare at, After all what else is a baby supposed to say?

The stranger stands up from the bushing tripping 3 times trying to get out of it…

You stare at the fallen stranger quietly, but to him it looked like you were having the intent of killing him with the silent stare.

He sits up, meeting your level “So…”

…

..

.

You pick out a flower petal stuck in his hair, and show it to him

“O-oh a petal” he hold it “haha .. I guess it got stuck when I was stuck in the bush”

He looks up at your small form

“you look so much like me…” he gently stretches your cheeks

“same hair color”

“same eyes”

“hmm” well that’s the first time he heard your voice with in your whole interaction

“What your name baby?” the young boy stands up

…

..

.

“[Nn]…”

“[Nn]??? Like…[n/n]???” god he cannot process a word your saying

“Yesh..” you give him a thumbs up…or at least you try to…

“So your [n/n]” he ruffles your hair, as he smiles to himself

The happy moment was however cut short with the taller figure looming behind the two of you…

“What. Are. You. Doing. Here.”

○•♡•○•♡•○•♡•○•♡•○•♡•○

Noelle shut’s the door behind her as she enters the study. “Lady Eula” She greet Eula who was sitting on her chair reviewing some papers.

“You came later than expected, did something happen”

Noelle thinks back to when you had cried about how you felt isolated within the dutchy but chose not to bring it up yet.

“There were some extra errands that I had to run within the dutchy that’s all-”

“Now don’t be rude” Noelle is caught off guard, a familiar voice cuts her voice…

“Aren’t you going to greet us?” Sara crosses her arms, while kokomi sips tea sitting beside her

“Ah- Lady Kokomi, Lady Kujou-! I didn’t notice you-” Noelle bow’s

“You don’t have to panic Sara was just messing with you” Kokomi chuckles

“Don’t take it to heart” Sara adds…

Noelle stays silent for a minute “Why was I called here?”

“No reason, The marchioness just wanted to see you” Eula tosses the papers she was reading on to her desk

“Oh, so that’s what you were reading” Sara get up from her seat on the sofa…” The missing reports that Viscount Loske was Struggling over, I heard they went missing…so you stole them?”

“Of course, not what do you take me for, it was a package, I have yet to find the sender”

“Guess the shame of the Lawrence clan wouldn’t stoop so low”

“Oh, keep it to yourself you ill-bred witch”

Sara scans over the documents “There's notes too” she flips through the pages

Noelle just stares at the two when kokomi motioned her to sit next to her, Noelle slowly makes her way to the marchioness and sits next to her

“How has [y/n] been?” kokomi asks, but with the look Noelle has on her face its doesn’t seem good…

“She said she felt isolated … that no one was telling her anything and it made her feel unimportant”

“I can only guess as much, unlike mine her situation much more different from so I’m not sure my advice can be helpful … has she made any friends yet”

“She hasn’t left her room enough to do that yet” Noelle mentally sobs, burying her face in the palms of her hands “I don��t want my lady to turn into a shut in!”

“Don’t worry Noelle she won’t” Kokomi pats Noelle’s back “I’m sure she’ll be fine with such a dedicated maid by her side” That alone is not enough to rest Noelle’s worries.

The two shift their focus onto the other two bickering Infront of the desk

“It’s detailed” Sara comments

“Isn’t it a felony if you steal Documents from the tenryou commission” Eula asks having her arms crossed

“It is, but who care right now, look at this. Whoever did this clearly had the intention of helping”

…

“You who know it is, don’t you?”

Sara hums in response “I’ve seen this handwriting before”

Eula only scoffs, of course she knew

Kokomi finally stands up from her seat walking towards the two, Noelle following her behind slowly

“Let’s leave it at this for now, we have other matters to discuss, beside we can’t crack the case without [y/n] being here”

“You want to bring her into this?” Eula asks

“It’s only fair, After all this is her brother we’re talking about”

Taglist:

@kunikuzushis-darling @swivy123

Masterlist:

[hkthatgffan]

I still remember it like yesterday. I don’t think anyone forgets the first time they saw it. It’s crazy looking back at how long it’s been. I always assumed I’d be a fan for a few weeks at most…not 6 years and counting. Gravity Falls changed my life in ways I still am discovering. And now, 6 years on from that cold February evening in 2017 when I finally decided to give this 40-episode masterpiece a try, I still find looking back at it all so insane and why I fell for Alex Hirsch’s creation over literally anything else I could’ve.

I think after the show itself and the impact on me which I’ll mention later, the fandom’s full of life mentality and kindness was what got me hooked not even a week into it. I mean, I was a year late, so I didn’t think I was gonna find anyone left. I began on Gravity Falls Amino in 2017 and I don’t think I ever expected to find the GF fandom to be so alive and thriving, despite it at the time being a year on from the finale. I think to this day that’s something I love about it; yeah, it’s not as big as it was at its peak. But it still is alive and well despite it being so long.

I think alongside just how alive the fandom was, it was also just the kindness of fans that kept me going. I afraid when I joined at first and felt intimidated at times. I was the new kid on the block. Were fans going to welcome me in or mock me for being late and gatekeep me out like I was less for not being a fan when it was airing? Well, I think the answer is pretty clear. I’ve been in so many fandoms since and while GF’s isn’t always perfect, the kindness in this fandom on all medians I’ve been on is incredible. Old fans are so supportive and helpful to new fans, new fans with curiosity bring new ideas to the table and help keep the stories alive and more. I see it on this the GF sub whenever a new fan is welcomed in for finishing the show or on other sites when they share art or ideas and more that watching GF gave them. I see it in old fans who return because they’ve been reminded about why they loved this show so much or the continued love from fans who never gave up on GF even when Next Summer became less a possibility and more a tear causing goodbye.

Yeah, we have our ups downs as a fandom, but we all are collectively here because we love this cartoon and what it means to us all. Whether you think the show ended perfectly or not, think Dipcifica is the best ship or Wendip is, think Bill is alive or dead, hate or love Mabel or Ford and more, we all are Gravity Falls fans first and foremost and that is something we all are aligned by.

Gravity Falls also made me love animation again after a year of just being away from the median. I’ve gone on to watch so many other cartoons since it. While I admit I still sometimes find myself trying to see if it can live up to GF, which is of course never the way one should watch another show; by comparing it to another, I do owe GF for my renewed passion. It made me not only love animation, but also find a great deal of respect and admiration for the people who make them. From creators to animators, writers to VA’s, Gravity Falls was a huge reason why I now watch every new cartoon with a greater deal of respect for those who work to make the median so incredible.

There is so much more I could say about Gravity Falls and its impact on me…be it the channel I created through it and video creating skills I learned through working with it, the fanfics, the fanart, the communities I’ve had the chance to be part of cause of it, the good and bad from the people and events I’ve been part of from it, or even the renewed appreciation for those I care most about because I saw so much in me in Dipper and Mabel’s sibling relationship. But the thing is…when I found this show, I was at a low point in my life and at the least hopeful for the future.

I was in a real bad place mentally speaking. Really just questioning where it all went wrong and not being able to find a reason to crack a smile anymore. I was the least optimistic I ever was about the future. And then for some reason, I decided one day, after seeing a video about how it ended well, I’d give this cartoon I barely heard about but knew the existence of, a chance. I mean, what was the worst that could happen? I think everyone has their own story for when it hit them in relation to their reason to love this show. I have to be honest, I think the defining reason for me is now lost to time or buried deep in my memories now…but the combination of just Gravity Falls’ pure fun feeling, mystery and emphasis on fan interaction, as well as nostalgia factor really got me excited. But there was one other reason I fell so hard into the fandom and this show; the reason why it got me good...Escape.

It was almost like an escape from reality. For those first few months, I was nonstop Gravity Falls fandom. I scrolled through Amino on the daily to see what people were posting about it, checked Alex Hirsch’s Twitter to see what was new, checked the GF sub to see what was up and more. It was just wake up, classes, come home and obsess over GF, sleep, repeat. I think it’s taken me a long time to realize that at times, Gravity Falls was my Mabeland; my escape from the troubles of real life and the real world. But while it may have been easy to let this obsession become unhealthy and consume me and yeah, at times I feel it may have, I think in a way, it helped me reignite my motivation for the future and the next chapter ahead.

I think seeing Dipper tell Mabel that the future is not something to be afraid of and that going through it with someone who cares, was something I needed to hear and come to understanding the meaning of. Talking to people and finding ways to overcome it. I always thought I was more like Dipper but truthfully…those eyes of fear and the future Mabel had in Vs the Future were the ones I had in the lead up to this day 6 years ago when I gave episode 1 a watch. It’s ironically why I ended up loving her character more when so many others began to hate her. That fear Mabel had was something I understood. Not knowing if you’ll be okay in the future and who was there for you…Mabel really was my guide into and out of that emotion.

And slowly but surely, life got better and better. I did still have my ups and downs here and there and times where I wondered why I made this turn instead of the other with life (still do), but then, each turn was always gonna lead somewhere and by the end, I found my way out. I think now I am at the most stable and just mentally okay place I’ve been in for years. Gravity Falls wasn’t the reason I found my way out of that dark place…but it did give me the motivation and assurance that I needed to hear in order to do it myself.

I still don’t know what the future holds. Hell, even just last year I questioned if I’d still be here in the fandom to mark 6 years. Life is an up an down roller coaster with bumps that all try to throw you off. If you hold on too lightly, you’ll fly off and be lost, but if too strong, you won’t enjoy it. It’s a case of finding that balance. I had held on too lightly before I found GF. Then for a while I held on too hard as I used it as a means to escape. Being able to find the right grip to be able to take life for a spin but retain control was not easy, but I needed to do it if I ever wanted to see what the future was rather than think what if.

I sometimes get asked why Gravity Falls means so much to me when there’s cartoons out there that can be argued as being better than it. For me, Gravity Falls’ quality as a show isn’t why I love it so much. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been able to allow myself to accept that GF isn’t perfect and see the cracks in it while still loving it instead of blindly believing it’s perfection. Neither is the notoriety I’ve gained from it. Anyone could’ve made the username That GF FAN and done what I did and still do. I’m not some mega fan or any special person. I’m just a guy who was a year late to the party and become obsessed with a cartoon that began 10 years ago, lol. I will forever be grateful for this fandom’s kindness and for giving me a chance and a place within it. And while I am always grateful for that, it’s not the only reason that to me Gravity Falls means so much.

It's the message this show sent; that message about life and never letting the future stop you from living it. To not let the past, dictate your future and to find those around you who will help make the future better. That was more important and of a thing that Gravity Falls gave me than any other cartoon I’ve seen since, no matter its quality gave me and more valuable than any Journal 3 Special Edition or piece of merchandise ever will be. It was the right show at the right time and just did it for me.

There was a high school student one cold February evening 6 years ago, who began watching a cartoon he had no idea about beyond a little background knowledge. And I doubt he ever imagined then that this one show would help him find the passion and reassurance to give life the fullest and find a way out of that dark moment so that looking back now…that time is nothing more than a long faded away scar.

And all thanks to a kid who thinks washing clothes is a waste of time, telling his twin sister who’s better at knitting than I’ll ever be, that there's a better way to get through the future than denial or trying to hide away in fear of it.

So yeah…there’s my corny story, lmao. 6 years ago today, I watched Gravity Falls for the first time…and 6 years on…it’s still one hell of an amazing show and life lesson.

VHULRXVOB, BRX UHDG DOO RI WKDW? RU GLG BRX MXVW VFUROO GRZQ, VHH WKLV FRGH DQG GHFRGH LW, OPDR? HLWKHU ZDB, WKDQN BRX, IHOORZ JUDYLWB IDOOV IDQ :)

[bettsfic]

2022 in writing

whoops, i wrote this at the end of december, put it in my drafts, and forgot about it. this is my seventh year writing a recap and i just read through all of them again. part of me thinks, "it's been 7 years and i haven't accomplished a fraction of what other writers have in that same time." but then the other part of me remembers 1) other writers are on their own path and working at their own speed, and 2) it's unfathomable to me how utterly mentally fucked i used to be. and i mean, i'm still mentally fucked but at least i'm working on getting better. the point is, i had a different starting line than others.

anyway, it's a new year and that means it's time to think to myself for the 7th year running, "dear god when am i going to publish a book." every year i think, this is going to be my year! every year it isn't.

overcame the worst writers' block i've ever had

"overcame" is making it sound more dramatic than it was. i went on a medication that fucked with my brain and then went back off it. but i worry that when i think back on 2022, i'm not going to remember all this cool stuff i did, i'm going to remember how utterly miserable i was for six months. how terrifying it was to feel like someone else was living in my body. i wrote a little bit about it in october's newsletter.

some of this post i've copied over from my newsletter.

but also i have to acknowledge that when i came back to writing, it felt like my brain had been totally rewired and i feel capable, creatively, of about 10x more than i used to be capable of. i'm still trying to articulate what changed and why.

published some things

“shut up and kill me” -- featured in issue 41 of Barren Magazine. the editor who chose it said it was his favorite of the 700+ submissions they received. very happy this weird story has found its home. please heed the warnings!

“coping skills” -- featured in issue 1 of Flossy Lit Mag, a magazine my friends started and which has some great work in it already.

("not if, when" was published january of this year, so it'll go in next year's update)

published other people's things

in 2022, ofic magazine published 33 prose pieces and 3 art pieces! over half of what we accepted came from not yet published authors and you have no idea how happy that makes me.

won a grant

i’m very very excited to say i won the Barbara Deming Memorial Fund grant to help offset the travel expenses of the residency i attended! i’ve been applying to this for years and it’s amazing to have been awarded it. the judges had a lot of lovely things to say about my work and it was a big confidence boost.

did a residency

i spent a month in beautiful Wyoming at the Jentel Arts residency. i met some wonderful artists, got a lot of work done, and had an amazing time. definitely the highlight of my year.

made the top 10 of a big contest

i submitted "Not If, When" to a screenwriting website hosting a prose contest, and out of what seemed to be a lot of submissions, i was a top 10 finalist, and now my story is being pitched to production studios to see if they want to buy the film/tv rights. i've also had a few phone calls with hollywood people wanting to talk to me about my work (i'm still confused about that) and i think they've gone well. no idea what the endgame is here though.

ran other workshop

i intended to run two fanauthor workshops but i only managed one, because of the whole "just gritting my teeth trying to stay alive" thing. but the one i ran i think went really well!

coaching/editing is my job now

i didn't think too much of that until i met with my thesis advisor to get caught up and she was like, wow that's the dream. and she invited me to be a panelist for the annual publishing symposium at my alma mater.

i'm not getting rich or anything, but i've picked up enough commercial copywriting work to make ends meet.

applied/submitted to a few places

totals:

11 residencies (8 rejections, 2 rejections with encouraging feedback, 1 acceptance)

4 publications (1 encouraging rejection, 3 acceptances)

1 award (1 acceptance)

2 screenwriting-ish contests (1 rejection, 1 finalist placement)

this has been far and away my most successful submission year. 6 major wins!

wrote 421k words

what's extra wild about this word count is that ~400k of it was across 6 months. from january 1 to june 16, i wrote only 22k words. and then from june 17 to december 31, i wrote the rest. and for the finished works, this doesn't include their respective trash docs (where i put everything i cut from a story). if i add in those, it's an additional ~90k.

year over year word count comparison:

2022: 421k

2021: 183k

2020: 375k

2019: 430k

2018: 450k

2017: 150k

2016: 343k

2015: 250k

2014: 311k

nine year total: 2,913,000

& other stuff

i really advocated for my mental health this year and i'm super proud of that. i mean dealing with my brain was basically a full-time job and i've come to accept i'll be spending my entire life micromanaging my own head, but for now things are okay

unfortunately i got a diagnosis that wasn't what i expected, that seems mostly correct, and which i'm having trouble accepting

i moved into an apartment with my best friend and it's going really well so far

the only travel i did was to missouri to visit family, and to wyoming for my residency

2022 goal recap (from 2021)

sell a book any book dear god -- got close, but nope

finish a draft of a new novel -- big nope

get an apartment -- yep! and it's great

publish 3 issues of OFIC -- yes and i'm very proud of them

publish 12 newsletters -- no, published 5 newsletters

register OFIC Press as a nonprofit -- not yet, working on it (this is far more difficult than i thought it would be)

run a successful Fanauthor Workshop -- yep! 2 sessions out of my goal of 4

write a proposal for a fanfiction craft book -- no, but i talked to my agent about it and now we're working on it together

write a script (pilot or feature) and submit to contests -- yes but it was Bad and i've gotta, you know, make it not bad

2023 goals

these are going to be remarkably similar to last year's, considering it's all just stuff that's been set in motion.

SELL A BOOK

finish a new novel (it's february and i've already kind of done this, but still putting it on here)

publish 4 issues of ofic mag

publish at least 6 newsletters

build the 2024 ofic press catalogue

apply for nonprofit status

run 4 workshop sessions

submit nonfiction proposal

build a script portfolio (feature, pilot, spec)

find a healthy balance between writing and living

annual thank you!

despite how badly i derailed for the first half of the year, i'm really grateful to fandom, readers, and all the friends i've made here for your support and encouragement, without which i wouldn't have been able to do any of this.

prior year recaps: 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021

[missparker]

Hiiii, I haven't seen you on the birdsite in ages, so in lieu of, like, conversation, here are ask meme questions!

14 how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

17 What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

66 How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

74 You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

Hiiii, the bird app and I are having moral and philosophical disagreements right now but you can always find me on threads, FB, and insta. 

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

I am always surprised when people tell me they laughed out loud or cried or had any sort of big emotional response to something I’ve written. And while I know that’s like the goal, there’s no guarantee that what you connect to emotionally is going to hit the same note for another person. Which is to say, I think I do tend to get into the head of a character, or I let them into my head. Is that different? Who knows. I think you have to feel it a little for it to ring true. 

I draw a ton from personal experience, be it conversations I’ve had, situations I’ve been in, things that I’ve felt. I always say that if you’ve read my fic, you probably know me better than anyone I know casually in my real life. Also, it’s real terrifying when someone you know in real life wants to read your fic! Stop perceiving me!

17.  What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

This is so tricky, because there’s no good way that works a) every time and b) for every person. For me, sometimes I have to write through the block and just unclog it with some trash before the good words start flowing again, but also sometimes I need the break and pushing through it only causes more harm. It’s really a matter of knowing yourself and checking in with what you need to keep making good art. Sometimes when I get stuck on a particular story, I know that I need to delete a big chunk of it but I’m stubborn and don’t want to and I spend too much time trying to fix it before ultimately doing what I knew I needed to do all along and just delete it. I think you have to be willing to admit you’ve made a wrong turn somewhere. And sometimes what needs to be deleted doesn’t need to be thrown away forever, but it’s just not right for THIS story. 

66. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

When it comes to fic, most of the pressure I put onto myself. I’ve learned to just ignore the comments that ask for more, demand updates etc because those don’t serve me in any positive way. I always appreciate when people read and comment, but fic is a gift we give of our time and effort and talent and it’s kind of a “you get what you get when you get it” situation. When I wrote greener grasses, I put myself on a weekly update schedule and I could do it but it was TOUGH. For my latest WIP, it’s months between updates and that’s okay too because it just has to be. 

Now, for writing that gets published, it’s sort of a different can of worms. Deadlines do matter, because you’re just one author working with editors who have their own deadlines and you’re part of a big schedule of authors and editors and if you’re late, it impacts a lot of people. I get a lot more strict with myself about achieving a certain word count every day, setting aside blocks of time to revise, etc. It takes priority over other things for sure. But I treat it like any other job - triage tasks, give it the time it deserves, do my best.

74. You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it? 

This is so funny because I think I do kind of have a distinctive style, at least people have said as such to me. One time another fic got posted and someone said it was written in a missparker style and I was like… am I so predictable?! But no, I think it was a compliment. Anyway, my style is domestic and character focused and probably someone is gonna drink coffee and probably someone is gonna go pee and probably it’s gonna start with song lyrics.

Thanks, @sarking!

Get to know your fic writer! | ask box

[cael9m]

CIGARETTES OUT THE WINDOW

—j. knoxville

chapter 2. (SERIES + social media AU + crackfic)

ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 𓂂 ﾟ𓈒 ݁ .

The sun escaped from the sides of the blinds that protected your window and fell ever so softly into your face as if it was waking you up personally. Your eyes fluttered open and your body started up again as you tried to get up. Your whole body ached as normal, but this time there was a different feeling accompanying it. It was the same feeling you got when you had something… new. A new idea for a book, outfit, art piece, or even so simple as a song. It fell heavy onto your heart and it reminded you of your actions last night. You couldn’t decide if you were stupid or naive. Stupid to actually think that you had a chance at reconnecting with your lost friend, or naive for the same reason.

You picked up your phone and looked through your notifications as usual. Though you were surprised to be met with messages.

rydunn so its on the 14th

rydunn nd i’ll send u the adress later

system notification you have been added to JACKASSES

rydunn srry they made me

worldofbam did u rlly know johnny as a kid

callmesteveo r u hit

callmesteveo hot*

partyboypontius i cackled

englanddave block them n run while you still can @usern6me

callmesteveo i’m hurt. offended, even.

The conversation went on through the notifications as you scrolled. Honestly you’d never think you’d end up acquaintances with such people. They were the type—in your point of view—of people who always seemed cool and funny, but you’d feel too awkward to go to up and hear your embarrassing voice manage to ask them if you could hang out.

You spaced out because of this chain of thoughts and were brought back to earth by a buzz from your phone. It was Ryan. He’d sent you the address. Now this meant that you were really in it. No turning back. You were really emphasizing everything, it wasn’t that big of a deal looking back on it. But at that time and moment the only thing on your mind was the anxiety of Pj being upset at your presence.

Your first instinct was to call your friend. She always was there to listen, if not to give good advice.

ring.

ring.

ri-

“hello?”

“babe i think i fucked up. like hugely this time.”

She listened to every word you had to say and as soon as the silence set into the air, she burst out laughing. “You-you…. Oh my god…. This is great!!” she struggled to get out through giggles. “Shut up..” you retort. “Nono really, this is fantastic! I’ve been tortured all these years by not getting closure to the story. Kind of like a fanfic where it hasn’t been updated since 5 years ago!” she reasons. You let out a gut laugh. “Imagine how i feel.” you roll your eyes, forgetting she couldn’t see it. The call went on for another hour or so, you couldn’t really tell.

After a minute to process, you decided to actually go. Officially. No turning back, no making up a pathetic excuse, no nothing. But with the decision, came the realization that time is moving rather quickly towards the day that you dread so much. Thank god you had you had just started on your new album before moving again. The appointments for recording and lyric-writing helped take your mind off of Pj.

editors note: this shit is so short srry lol

[woodsfae]

Babylon 5 s02e07: A Race Through Dark Places

s02 Table of Contents • previous episode

Station budget relies on the civilian traffic, but the military traffic has been higher than usual, so they’re running on a deficit, since the military doesn’t reimburse the station for funds lost by the mandatory re-routing of civilian business. And they want want to charge Sheridan and Ivanova 30 credits a week to stay in their current quarters, which are a whole 7 square feet bigger than the next size down which would remain free. All this sounds exactly some some bs the USA would pull and is completely believable.

My!!! guy!!!! Bester is back! And on a day when I’ve found a totally legal and normal way to screencap for some gifs again. hell to the yeah. Prediction: I’m gonna like this one. He’s got a new, scary sidekick.

Oh I love him, he’s so terrifying and perfect.

Telepath: “He’s dead.” Bester: “It doesn’t matter. I caught it, just before he died. Betrayed by his final thoughts.”

He’s my special little guy. But does this mean Talia is involved with the underground telepaths?? She was really not down with whatsherface not going to PsiCorps.

Sheridan is just down to fight whenever anyone squares up even a little. What is 30 credits? I have nothing to compare it against. Is it like, a nice meal for two? A month’s wages for a dock worker? I feel like this is the first hard number for a price I’ve seen so far.

Going for the easy questions I see, Delenn! Just quickly, explain humanity. Awww she’s so cute. Dinner date with Sinclair! He was dtf (down to fight) 2 seconds ago and now he’s dtf (down to flee) and figure out if this is a date or not.

Sheridan: “One day they’re shooting at you, the next they’re taking you out to dinner. Hah! What a universe.”

He looks bemused and delighted. I’m delighted. This episode will have everything if only Susan and Talia will be allowed to be onscreen at the same time.

OMFG they’re in the same room at the same time!!!

Sheridan: “I’d like to talk to my people for a moment.” Bester and Talia: *leaves the room* Me: “Talia where the fuck are you goin...oh. Telepath. well frag that.”

Garibaldi: “Want, agree, that has nothing to do with it. The law is the law.”

And that’s ACAB baby. When the law is unjust, those that uphold the law are unjust.

Garibaldi: “That’s damn ironic, isn’t it? That the corps got started because we were afraid of telepaths? Now we’re victims of our own fears. And we took away every right they had and shoved them into a big, black box called Psi Corps. Now look at em. Black uniforms, jackboots, giving orders. Some days they scare the hell out of me.“ Sheridan: “Yeah If you ask me, we created our own monster. And maybe we deserve it.“

Good advice by Ivanova. Read the logs about the Jason Ironheart Incident.

Lots of good background info being dropped. Talia wouldn’t notice a surface scan, she keeps walls up to block out the background noise, but Bester wasn’t and heard someone calling him a murderer.

“Bester will try to stop up, so we don’t have any choice. We have to kill him.”

I agree, but also, oh man my special guy. :(

DELENN YOU BABE. Well no wonder Sheridan falls for her. She’s humaning it up like a bossbabe for this date.

It’s genuinely astonishing that Ivanova has nothing whatsoever to do with the underground (that she’ll admit to). I think odds are relatively good that she actually does. Perhaps Dr Franklin is? He’s been a little revolutionary.

Date’s going well. Humor is an excellent bonding point.

Bester reaching out to Talia civilly. We love to see it, only for the drama.

Love to see the return of Jason Ironheart CGI Ascended!

Also love the lingering, artful shots of Talia being angsty in profile.

The penny!! Is she or isn’t she a telekinetic?? I am once again asking for Talia Telekinesis Skills. AND YES THERE IT IS BABYYYYY. Now that’s some self defense.

Earthforce locked them out of their rooms! Those asshats. It’s so sweet how willing Susan is to go along with all Sheridan’s schemes.

Mary Had A Little Lamb has never been so ominous.

OK, so now that they’re sleeping in Sheridan’s office she’s quite a bit more disgruntled.

Ivanova: “Were you like this when you were married?” Sheridan: “Yeah!” Ivanova: “That woman was a saint.”

John you have a huge crush. Repeating all the jokes you heard from your dinner date and practically blushing over thinking about it is peak crush behavior.

DS9 nod? Those are raktajino mugs that Bester and Talia are using.

Fishing for info, fishing for informants, and unfortunately not so distracted that he missed the assassins. Who should really learn to shield their thoughts if they’re gonna be assassinating level 15 telepaths. And throwing Talia in a closet. A literal closet. lol.

This is the one and only anger fit Garibaldi can throw that I support.

Oh well, not really a closet I guess. Man, she gets manhandled a lot.

I agree, wake up girlie. The Corps are not benign and you don’t even believe what you’re saying.

Dun dun dun! Franklin does have connections. Called it.

Oh, the gloves are a PsiCorps requirement! Continuing yikes. Excellent control mechanism. They’re a high control cult. What you wear, where you live, who you talk to, who you touch, how you live, where and how you work, who you marry. About as high control as you get.

oooof, and forced pregnancy. I wonder if the baby got a guide for a year and then it was on its own as soon as it could walk.

“You’re asking me to take everything I believe and turn it upside-down.”

yeah, that’s hard to do when you’re ready to deconstruct from cult life, let alone when you’re kidnapped by kindly telepaths who insistently tell you horror stories of PsiCorps as some kind of guided deconstruction.

Invoking Jason Ironheart is absolutely the way to get Talia to help. I’m rooting so hard for them! And for Bester to survive and continue to commit atrocities for my viewing pleasure. I’m a simple person.

DOCTOR STEPHEN FRANKLIN YOU DUPLICITOUS BADASS! This episode is everything. I’m vibrating. Generally I like to feel good about predicting things even partially correctly but I only said maybe Dr Franklin has connections, not that he’s running the whole operation, and I’m gonna own that being only very partial. This is baller.

He’s a conspiracy theories that are real guy like Sheridan is, but only for telepathy! Secret doctor network!! The unofficial clinic!!

Alas, Sheridan, but “I agree but the laws“ is not moral best practice.

Bester! My evil little fellow.

Talia grew a hell of a spine in the last ten minutes.

Collective telepathy!!!

“The corps is Mother. The corps is Father. I know where my loyalties lie.”

I don’t see how this could play out any way but that these people are dead, but that would also be totally bonkers considering she just planned something with Dr Franklin and Sheridan.

LITERALLY all faked? d a m n

I am extremely into collectivist telepathy. It’s super tragic that they are discouraged from touching even each other. All of them must be just so touch starved.

Doctor Franklin has just shot up a mile in my estimation of him as a person. He got a lot of points for treating Poor Murdered Child, but I also don’t like thinking about that episode. (0/1 stars, will never watch again)

Ah, so Sheridan also has a way with pedantry. Is this a commentary on how rigid military regulations makes for twisting-the-hell-out-of-the-rules geniuses?

Insert incoherent babble here about gloves-off Talia smiling at be-robed Susan smiling at her! Oh this episode is everything I could have wanted. Definitely a 5/5 star one for me! And certainly my favorite of the season so far!

next episode

[lady-assnali]

Keeping on-brand, I’ve been thinking about baby model Gigi lately, and this simple little friend story appeared. It’s just friendship and a good memory with underlying baby Crygi feelings.

           “Okay, step up a little bit.”

           “Where the hell did you take me?? Why are there so many-oh god no. No. Are we in Times Square?”

           Silence-followed immediately by Jan’s shit-eating grin and Crystal’s mischievous giggling. Gigi may be blindfolded, and she may be a self-proclaimed ditz, but the memories of being run down by tourists in the city have burned the feeling of Times Square into her body’s internal memory bank.

           “What would possess you to bring me here on a Friday night-how much did we just spend on that Uber?”

           “Shh, relax.”

           “We could’ve taken the subway if you’d have just let me know where we were going!”

           “But then you wouldn’t have come! And you have to be here. This is very important.”

           “Jan, I love you so much but this is you talking. And if it’s you talking I’m lead to believe that we’re on our way to see Wicked again. Which…I love the show, don’t get me wrong, but there’s only so many times I can sit next to you while you sob through Defying Gravity before I need several months to recover.”

           “It’s worth it, Geege. Trust me.” Crystal gives her arm a little squeeze, and they slow down a bit. Through the noise of the traffic, Gigi can hear Jackie and Jan arguing about directions. She wonders how exactly she got to this point, a college dropout with a group of silly, perfectly mismatched friends who she’d follow blindfolded into the busiest part of the city without reservations. One moment, she’d been sitting in art history wondering what she was doing in New York and the next she was working alongside one of her idols, college free and learning from the best. Those first few weeks in college had given her the friends she’d needed to get through the work, so it hadn’t all gone to waste. They gave her the college experience; parties, clubs, the freedom of being away from home and finding yourself. They also gave her late night study sessions huddled up in her apartment while she worked on her latest project, helping Jan through auditions by reading through lines with her or being Crystal’s comic relief while she painted, making snacks and playlists and reciting horrible jokes. Jackie-well, there wasn’t much to be helped there, but Gigi likes to think that asking her questions about her latest study in political science is enough support as it is.

           They’re her friends, and she’s missed them so much while being away-even as the bantering continues as Jackie and Jan turn her body multiple times, quipping back and forth with each other until Crystal’s hands take both of her shoulders to steady her.

           “Ladies, please. I know we’re all very excited, but I’m pretty sure we’re a block away from where we need to be anyway.” Crystal’s voice is diplomatic, yet very clearly dripping with humor. Gigi groans, shifting her weight from toe to toe. She’s sure they’re causing a scene, although the middle of Times Square surely is the place where something like this mismatched group of people and a blindfolded woman will blend right into the background. Without her sight, every other sense is on fire; Crystal’s hold on her shoulder’s is warm and tingling, Jackie and Jan’s voices very clear through the sirens. She’s sure she’d be able to tune into any of the other passing conversations if she truly tried.

           “We need to find it soon, Geege is literally covered in goosebumps. One week in California and she forgets how to be a New Yorker.” Having just come back from a week in Los Angeles, she’d forgotten just how crisp the Spring nights could be. She finds herself shivering at Jackie’s observation, relief coming only when a soft, fuzzy coat is draped over her shoulders. Crystal. Crystal and her big fluffy jacket she’d refused to take off after thrifting it for only $3 when Gigi had pointed out that it should have been marked way higher. A steal of a deal, the pastel rainbow fuzz could be described only as cotton candy in a piece of clothing, and yet somehow her best friend made it look as though it were the most sought-after item on the market.

           The arguing subsides when Jan gasps, grabbing Gigi’s arm tight and shouting.

           “There! There! Look! Do you see it?”

           Jackie gasps and Crystal squeals, Gigi feeling her jump up and down from beside her. The three talk all at once, exclamations of oh my god and are you kidding and one airy sigh of jeez before Gigi scowls.

           “I’m going to take this thing off if you don’t tell me what’s going on!”

           “Oh! Shit! OH my god, sorry, here!” Jan, in her excitable fashion, all but rips the eye mask off of Gigi’s face, and for a moment she’s paralyzed by the brightness of the lights. Crystal’s hugging her side now, pointing her finger up at a wall of buildings illuminated by lit-up advertisements. Then, she sees it.

           “What,” It’s all she can say, breathless and disbelieving as her eyes widen in wonder. Jackie has her phone pointed dutifully at her, and Jan’s own camera clicks, but Gigi is stuck in place with an open mouth.

           “That’s me.”

           “That’s you!” Crystal squeezes her, eyes torn between the lit-up advertisement and the real person as they fill up with tears. “You’re literally up in lights.”

           “I don’t even…I can’t….oh my god.”

           “Take a picture! Did you take a picture? Gigi, stand right there!”

           Crystal backs up and stands beside their friends, pulling her own phone from her pocket and waving her hand at the redhead. For a moment, Gigi looks back at them with her mouth agape. Then, she’s turned around, posing for the camera with a well-practiced tilt of the head. She perfectly mimics the pose at hand, sultry eyes and parted lips, a hand on her hip and eyes that simmer with practiced, untouchable energy. Then she laughs, shrugging Crystal’s jacket down to her elbows and hugging it to her, sticking out her tongue. It’s an infectious energy, one that continues on as she turns one more time to stare back at her image illuminated and blown up to the size of  buildings.

           She ends up posting the photos for her rapidly rising  follower count later that night, after they’ve gone out to celebrate (after telling Jan that no, they wouldn’t be entering the Wicked lottery that night). She’s tucked into her bed between Crystal and Jackie, Jan on Jackie’s other side. It’s a tight squeeze but they pile onto each other anyway, limbs over limbs and laughter stopping any attempt at sleeping.

           Crystal’s head lolls onto Gigi’s shoulder as she watches her flip through the pictures she’s been airdropped, combining them into one perfect Instagram post. The first is the sultry mock-up, the most poised and polished version of herself showing off the billboard. Then the video reveal, her standing shock-still and staring up at the screen

           The last is her favorite.

           She and Crystal are standing side-by-side, backs to the camera. Crystal’s pointing up at the screen with one hand while Gigi clings to her other arm. She’s wearing the insufferable cotton candy jacket, scarlet hair cascading in waves down the back. Her head is on Crystal’s shoulder. This is the picture she wants to memorialize the moment with; the two of them, as it should be. She can hear the pride in her best friend’s voice, feel the nervous fluttering in her heart from seeing the reality of all of her hard work paying off in full. It’s every last trip away from home coming full circle, every time she’d wanted to quit or wondered why she even agreed to start in the first place telling her she was right not to give up. It’s the ability to share this moment with the person who’d been on the other end of every late night phone call, every bout of homesickness, every joke that’d pulled her through.

           It’s the sound of I’m so proud of you captured in one picture.    

           She can feel Crystal’s smile against her as she types and deletes captions, lowering her head so that her cheek can rest on her soft curls.

           “You’re incredible,” Crystal murmurs. She’s looking at her own phone now, where Gigi’s post has just gone live. The video plays on as they watch the moment Jan rips the blindfold-the disbelief, the hugging, the joy. Gigi tucks her own phone away and shifts down in the bed, cheek to cheek with her best friend. They shuffle around until they’re a tangle of limbs and sappy smiles. Jackie’s head is on her back and she’s flopped over onto Crystal’s chest, arms wrapped around her with a sleepy refusal to let go.

           The four finally fall asleep while they drift away from conversations about the future; Gigi’s next trip is only a few weeks away, Jan has a twenty-four hour festival to ready herself for, Jackie’s taking on a thesis, and Crystal’s submitting art for a possible gallery slot. In a contented pile of limbs far too big for her bed and surrounded by love, Gigi sleeps the best she has in a long, long time.