#I’ve had to edit this post so many times because autocorrect

[littleholmes]

deku: i’m fine, kacchan, i don’t need help

bakugo: bitch you’re running yourself into the ground like all might! you look like a tokyo ghoul extra, you demon rabbit—

iida: what he’s trying to say is you need perspective

uraraka: and your friends to back you up

bakugo: you need a nap, ya damn nerd!

[malmuses]

Hello Mal, how are you doing? I hope things have gotten better for you on the real life side of things. I'm going through some rough times too, so at least the company is good! I wanted to start by saying that your fics have single handedly gotten me through the most turbulent transition period of my life. I'm almost completely finished with your works on AO3 and your storytelling... *many many many chef kisses*. You are easily one of my favorite writers. I love your writing style, ...1/2

...2/2 your characterization, and how well thought out each story is. Each fic is like a decadent treat for my brain. I was curious, as a fellow writer, what your writing process is like. I've tried a few different methods but was wondering what works best for you! I hope the rest of your 2020 is full of peace and love. Also, I apologize in advance for the spam of comments you are about to receive on AO3. I finally have enough spoons for it!

I’m pasting these into one so I can put the answer in one place! (Tumblr is so awkward sometimes.) Sorry to hear you’ve been going through rough times too! There’s a lot of it going around this year, so I think we have plenty of company. In fact, I think the whole world just needs to lower its expectations and standards this year. Woke up? There’s the first gold star of the day. It's only up from here. I’m so glad that you’ve been enjoying my stories and so flattered that you say they’ve helped you so much...*insert feelings gif* I always tell myself when I write something: It’s okay if not everyone likes it. It’s okay if some people hate it. Nothing is for everyone. I just want one person to *love it*. Then I’m totally at peace. Now, if that person is just me? If I’m the only one that loves it? That’s also cool. Each story comes from a different place. My long-winded point, though, was that you basically just validated the existence of my entire catalog of fics so far, so thank you xD Your question about my writing process though - I’m happy to answer. But of course, first, I have to insert the usual disclaimer that as with most creative endeavors, there is no ‘right’ way to do it. I’m sure you know that, but sometimes I think people underestimate the depth of that truth. Each person has their own unique way of doing things. The struggle is sometimes finding the particular way, or combination of ways, that work for you. There’s definitely no harm in sharing what works for me though, in case anyone else can take anything from it. I’m someone who writes multiple things at once. Some people can’t do this or don’t want to, which I totally understand. For me, this is how I (mostly) avoid any kind of writers' block. If I’m stuck somewhere, I switch projects for a day or two. I do usually still have one main project I’m working on, but I usually have at least three others, often at various stages of the writing process. This keeps me in more of a flow state so I keep going with things, and allows me to write every day. It’s a habit. Now, I’m not saying breaks are bad, and everyone should write every day. I just find that for me, breaks should be deliberate. They should be true, chosen breaks, not because I just...drifted into one.

As you can probably tell from all that, I’m very much a planner and outliner. I outline...a lot. I’d be happy to talk more about my particular outlining process on Tumblr someday if anyone wanted. But, basically, I start with a general idea, then break it down into different story beats, so I can see if there’s something missing or too much of one thing. Then I fill in the gaps, then start breaking each overall ‘part’ of the plot into scenes, etc. Chapters come last. In terms of numbers (I get asked this one a lot), it does not matter how long your chapters are. What matters is that the chapter length feels right for the pacing of the fic, in my opinion, and I really think that is something that just comes with practice and knowing your own writing. Shitty advice maybe, but just the truth as I see it. A lot of it comes down to practice and finding what works for you.

Once I have an outline, I generally write linearly. Some people can jump around a lot. That’s a bit of a last resort for me if I’m stuck on something, or alternately if a scene steams into my head fully formed I will write it...with the understanding that I will probably have to change chunks of it when I reach it. It’s just the way it goes.

Now, when I say I outline in detail (there are literal spreadsheets)  that doesn’t mean that I magically only write exactly what’s in the outline and I stick to it. An outline can be a guide, not a rule. Sometimes stories take you places, and generally, I find it's better to listen to what the story wants. If my story starts going somewhere else or introduces something I don’t expect, I often revisit my outline and think, “Okay, how can I work in this new thing so that it follows the plotlines and arcs I already have? Am I adding to what I have or just distracting from it?” Most often those answers are obvious to me, but sometimes it’s good to ask someone else. A friend, a trusted beta. (I could talk a whole lot about betas and how that works for me, too, in addition to outlining).

I pretty much zero draft my fics. By that, I mean that I will start writing, and I won’t go back and do very much editing until the end. I will, each writing session, go back and read what I wrote the day before. Get into the zone. And sure, I’ll fix something if it jumps out at me - but that isn’t the purpose at that point, and most things won’t jump out, because it's too fresh. My brain knows what I meant, so it autocorrects for me. 

Leading into editing, it’s a two-step process for me. Once my zero draft is finished, I go back to the beginning and go through. This is where most of my developmental editing happens. (Another thing that probably needs more detail...different types of editing.) Once I’ve done that (usually during that pass, I’ve added words) I then put the fic aside. For as long as possible. At least a month, if I can swing that. (Bang deadlines sometimes cause issues if it's a fic for a bang, but I try). 

Once that time has passed, I can come back to it with fresh eyes. I’ll see the mistakes much more easily, then. This is where more intensive line edits happen, where SPAG happens, where I insert anything I made note of during my first pass if I needed to foreshadow anything more, that kind of thing. 

For a WIP, I do these edits chapter by chapter as it posts. For a Bang fic, obvious I have to do it all in one go. Due to the way I write, if you see me start posting a fic -- that fic is already finished, or in rarer instances (for work that was more time-sensitive) partway through the second draft or so. Oneshots are a little different (and I’ve had some oneshots that turned into chaptered fics of their own accord) in that they are just shorter and less intensive and often only have one main plot thread, so they’re a lot easier to do. I can get one drafted, edited and posted within a few days usually, depending on length.

How much do I write? Depends on the day. I have a high-stress finance job, two kids, and write a mixture of original fiction and fanfic stuff. So sometimes it's more than others. Bad day? Maybe 1,000 words. Good, average day? 3-6k. High pressure? Well, last year's DCBB I wrote in just under three days. It was 25k at that point. I have no tips for speed beyond learning to type fast, LOL!

Okay. I’ve probably bored you, and anyone else who had to scroll past all this, to tears. This is way too long. But even so, more specific questions, I’m happy to answer.

Good luck! Best advice? Just write. Write. Write. "Write a million words, then throw them away” is a changeable quote attributed to several authors but all it comes down to is...practice. Find your own vice and way of doing it. In a million words time, you will be a different writer than you are now, guaranteed.

Mal <3

[chaninfused]

Today, this mediocre blog turns one year old.

And it’s not much, but it’s something, for sure. I’m happy to be writing this, mainly because I didn’t expect to write it in the first place. Coming here, I had no aspirations for this blog. Write and post, that was my initial intent, but I’m glad to say I have found and created much more. As cliché as it sounds, I’ve learned and improved quite a lot, both as a person and a writer. Never in my life had I imagined myself writing y/n stories, yet here I am, and I’m content.

As much as I complain, I cannot deny that this place made this year bearable so far. Everyone, from my friends to my silent readers, made this experience fun, despite the various disappointments of 2020 (ahem, a ruined senior year). For that, I think it’s time to move to the important parts of this letter; all I have to say to you!

First, I must thank the friends that gave me something to look forward to each day. I am honored to have met you all, whom I have spoken to daily or spontaneously. Thank you for keeping up with my sucky person antics!

@luvhjs, I often wonder if we could’ve ever met if @skzwritersclub didn’t exist, or if you didn’t decide to join our fetus network, and I always conclude that it’s not something I want to think about. Simply because it’s horrifying. I might not express it properly, but our friendship is one I treasure beyond words. Thank you for panicking with me over silly things, listening to my nonsense rambles, and in all sincerity, being the best there is. A hundred ‘I love you’s randomly arriving in your inbox would never be enough, but I hope you know that I love you, and I wish you all the best, all the time ♡

@missinghan, I don’t know where to begin, and honestly, I don’t know where to stop either. I don’t regret screaming into your dms that day, although I’m deeply sorry for terrifying you (oops!). All jokes aside, I truly don’t know what I’ve done to deserve a friend like you. I’m grateful for each conversation we’ve had, even that one about maggot cheese or those depressing texts about our dying dashboards. I solemnly believe that I would’ve lost my mind during spring break had we not spent careless hours on Tumblr talking about anything that could possibly be talked about. I feel like I couldn’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me; for hearing my writing rants to handling my dramatics to just being there when I send a good morning text in all caps. You are incredible, it is not just a silly nickname. I love you, and I know affection is gross but I’m saying it again. I love you! ♡

@meiiyue, hey, remember when you told me you knew me from Wattpad? That was our first proper interaction, and I am so glad I had gotten to know you better after that. We often joke about it, but I love your love for all things murder. Please never let anyone’s opinions get in your way. You honestly have one of the most unique personalities I’ve ever known. I mean, where else would you find koalas and blood-chilling crime in one place? Thank you for being the cutest and most talented. I hope you know that you’re loved, and I love you, and it will always be that way ♡

@meanhly, oh, look, it’s my keyboard smashing partner! I’m glad you decided to panic about On track in my dms instead of my askbox. Thank you for birthing this beautiful friendship! Speaking of which, what friendship level are we at now, Selina? Okay, I’ll stop fooling around. Thank you for never failing to make me laugh, no thanks to your autocorrect for calling me fruit, though. I think one of the reasons I love the Songless Bird so much is, well, you! It was your excitement about the story that pushed me to explore the world more, to write more. I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for that. I love you, so much, and I cherish our friendship just as much ♡

@smileylino, our ‘02 line is only complete with you, Rain. Thank you for being the best panic partner (hehe) and the cutest Minho stan. Talking to you is always so much fun, even if we’re just discussing memes or soft scenarios. I don’t know how successfully your Minho detox is going, but I miss your random declarations of love for the one and only. I hope you know that you’re really talented, and I’ll always be here to cheer you on whenever. You deserve only the best this world can offer. I know you’ll do amazing, whatever it is you’ll be doing. I love you! ♡

@lixiefe, if anyone were to see our first interactions, they wouldn’t expect us to become good friends. Yet here we are, and I wouldn’t change that for the world! I love talking to you, even if it’s about the strangest of topics. Thank you for making me love my own work. You make it out to be something special, which it isn’t, but I appreciate that so much. Thank you for handling my self-deprecating statements with hilarious poop references, even though I am still adamantly against them (kidding!). You’re special, I hope you’d know that. I love you so much! ♡

@scriptura-delirus​, we might not interact a lot but whenever we do, it’s always so much fun. I truly admire your work and your way of thinking. Thank you for writing the best fantasy to be found in this fandom, and for all the support you’ve shown my mediocre stories. If this were a follow forever, know that your url would be among the first. I love you! ♡

@jeonginks​, can I consider you a friend? I hope I can. The entirety of my first interactions with you consisted of me embarrassing myself, from that useless blurb to all that panicking. Thank you for not blocking me yet... I am very sure that without SWC, I wouldn’t have ever talked to you. And while I might not panic anymore, you are still someone I genuinely look up to when it comes to writing. I wish you’d know that you’re an inspiration, for me and many writers out there. Also, you can send me as many Liam memes as you want, I’ve become immune to them (phew). I presume this is called affection, but I love you! ♡

@scxrlettwxtches​, writing or not, you’re a dear friend of mine. I’m terrible at expressing things, but I’m glad we started talking. Thank you for listening to all the unnecessary writing things I say. I love your work, even though I don’t say it enough. You might not know but your enthusiasm motivates me to write; all the random questions and spoiler requests. I’m sorry for [redacted] in ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat’. I hope I’ve been able to make up for that through the blurbs! All in all, I wish you all the best in everything you do, and I love you! ♡

@f3lixlvr​, you are the first person I have properly spoken to in his hellhole. I remember our first conversations and just how much joy they brought me, even though I was hiding behind an anonymous profile. Thank you for being the most amazing and making late 2019 fun and exciting. I love you! ♡

@wingkkun​, we only began directly interacting recently, but we’ve talked before. Your writing is great, beyond that, even. I’ll raid your masterlist one day, just you wait! You seem like a complete sweetheart, and I hope we can talk more in the future. Thank you for all the lovely tags you had left on my stories, I love you! ♡

@ammuqwer​, you are a friend I didn’t expect to make, but one I wouldn’t want to lose for anything. Talking to you brightens my day, and I can only wish I can offer just as much happiness in yours. You’re amazing, really. If you ever have a hard time, please know that you can always find me. I love you! ♡

@p2q3r4​, I often scroll through your blog and I have to say, you’re crazy talented. Your drawings are stunning! Thank you for all the comments you’ve left on my writings, I appreciate every single one of them. You’re also a complete sweetheart, have I ever told you that? And I love your love for languages, it never was annoying. Never stop being amazing, I love you! ♡

🌷 anon, I might not know who you might be, but you’re a friend I cherish so much, Tulip. I love talking to you, and I say that a lot, but hearing from you is always so lovely. Thank you for all the asks you’ve ever sent, those with tmi to those with Splatoon talk. I hope you know that I’ll always be there for you, whenever, wherever. I love you so much! ♡

Caeliman Minho anon, last but definitely not least. I’m afraid this short letter wouldn’t do you justice, but I hope you’d know that you mean a lot to me. Thank you for all the support you’ve shown my work, all the inspiration you’ve given me, and all the thoughts you’ve generously shared. I love hearing what you have to say, and I love you! Thank you for everything ♡

Second, to all my readers, those who always reblog, those who leave a trail of hearts behind, and even those who just pass by, thank you for giving my writings a chance. I am continuously motivated to write more and write better for you. I’m nowhere near that, but I’m slowly making my way up there. Thank you for being the best audience ♡

Finally, to you reading this, thank you for reaching this far. It has only been a year, and I hope I can continue to contribute to this fandom for much longer than that.

Today, a story was meant to be posted. Due to my poor management skills (yikes!), I will instead be posting the world-information edit for ‘Danse Macabre’. Please look forward to it!

That is all. Thank you for making these 365 days on this blog special, and here’s to many more! I love you all! ♡

[illdothedisheslater]

Buffalo Blue Cheese Chicken Meatball Fettuccine:

Is that a typo or an accidental copy/paste?  No – I cooked all of these things at once.  One of the harder things about food blogging (besides living in a constant state of guilt over procrastinating, and having to field questions like “Are you still doing your blog?” from people that you KNOW keep up with it), is food blogging as a picky eater.  There are many, many dishes and ingredients you will never see show up here: fish, any kind of fish, seafood, lake food, pond food, river food, olives, cloves, pumpkin-anything, and many, many more.  Including bleu cheese (or blue cheese, as we'll call it here in 'Murica.  But mostly because I don't want to deal with autocorrect 25 times today.)  (And hell – autocorrect doesn't like “autocorrect”.  Suck it, autocorrect.

I digress.  Again, as always.  I'm like constantly digressing.  

I'm also easily, easily distracted today.  For example, from where I sit here at my computer, I saw a small child learning to ride a bike with his dad jogging behind.  It was pretty damn cute.

Back to business.  So yeah, I'm making this weirdo dish that I saw on a freaking YouTube comedy video called Something's Burning with Bert Kreischer.  We watched his stand-up special recently, so his cooking show popped up in the recommendations and I ended up watching something like three hours worth this week.  They are hit and miss, but this one was pretty good.  It's just comedians cooking and making fun of each other. What's not to like?  I mean besides Whitney Cummings?

ANYWAY, back to the point – this dish is hopeful and celebratory, and will probably taste like spicy feet. One of my bosses, in two days, goes for his last round of chemo, EVER! (I hope!).  He'll be out of commission the rest of the week and feeling like warmed-over ass, so to give him a last hurrah, I thought he'd love this oddball dish that includes fettuccine, chicken meatballs stuffed with blue cheese, and tossed with Buffalo sauce. It combines several of his favorite things, and since he has trouble digesting beef and pork due to a couple surgeries, the chicken meatball is the perfect sub.  I mean, I guess.  Chicken meatballs (like turkey bacon, turkey sausage, etc.) are a distant second as far as ideal, but they'll do.  

I had to change the meatball recipe, because a) I halved it, b) it was going to be waaaayyy too wet to work with, and c) I'm baking these instead of frying them in $30 worth of olive oil like they did in the video.  Oh, and d) I make chicken broth AAALLLL weekend, and saved the schmaltz, so they won't be as dry as ground poultry stuff often ends up.  So here we have:

1 lb. Ground chicken 1 Egg ¾ Cup breadcrumbs 2 Tablespoons delicious homemade schmaltz ½ Teaspoon each of paprika, garlic powder, and shallot salt

(Why shallot salt?  The recipe called for Onion Powder, which I do not have in the house, since I only bought it once like 8 years ago for the one time I made Chex Mix, and my aunt L sent me a loverly selection of mail-order spices that included a free sample.  I'm really sorry guys.  I keep going off on tangents.  I'll try to stop.  I'm out of practice.)

Combine all the ingredients, then realize it's too wet and mushy.  I want moist, not wet.  Add half a cup of flour.  That works.  

Here is where I get salmonella all over my camera trying to simultaneously assemble chicken meatballs, stuff them with blue cheese, and take pictures.  I had to stop and wipe my camera down with Clorox Wipes and start over.  Plus when I do messy meatball-type things, I like to wear gloves to keep meat out of my wedding ring (shout out to Mr. Dishes!  Twelve years today!  Woot woot!).  If my hands showed up in the pictures, this blog would look like Cooking With Dexter or some kind of serial killer blog.  And there I go again.

The balls get tossed in flour, sprinkled with more spices and black pepper, then go into a 400 degree oven for 20 minutes.  

They look pretty much the same when they come out.  Maybe I should have fried just to take some of the pale off them, but too late now.  I only bought the one pound of chicken.  And only four of them leaked cheese!

Then I boil up a pound of fettuccine and toss it with 6 tablespoons of butter and half a bottle of Buffalo wing sauce.  Then end.  

Since it's our anniversary, Mr. Dishes kindly takes a bite, even though he's strict about not eating between meals (how did we end up together again?) and pretty much likes it. It tastes just a shade too feety for me – the force is strong with this cheese – but it's not terrible.  The chicken meatball might be the best chicken meatball I've ever had even.  Usually ground poultry has so much other stuff in it to distract you from noticing you're not eating the real thing, you can't taste the poultry at all.  This tastes very chicken-y in a good way.  The noodles taste exactly like noodles tossed in Buffalo sauce.  

So.  This post is weird and scattered and makes very little sense, much like its author, but I was just bound and determined to write something today.  I didn’t even edit the pictures with flattering filters or alter the lighting.  I'm sorry you had to read it.  

[fectiverundercroft]

Niantic, this isn’t fun anymore.

(edited)

When you introduced the special research task of 50 excellent throws, I was frustrated even before getting started, because I know how hard an excellent throw is, but I wanted to give it a try.  I wasn’t impressed with the rewards for accomplishing that on top of catching a hundred Pokemon in 25 different species--seriously, a handful of balls, not enough stardust for a meager powerup, and 500 XP?--but I’m not a defeatist.

And I didn’t get anywhere close in the short time you allowed for the challenge. I eventually realized that it wasn’t supposed to be just a participation trophy, and I was okay with that; some people got it, and some don’t.  

But then...

Then you introduced this special research task for Mega Gengar.  It’s timed, but okay, I’ve got nine days, so maybe that’ll be okay.

But at the same time you introduced another special research, and between the two, I have to catch well over 200 Pokemon.  

Okay, it’s the weekend so I’ve got some time, but it’s also f’ing the middle of October and I don't relish walking around in shitty weather for this, no matter what the fundamental concept of the game is.

And on top of that, I have to make nine nice throws in a row.  NINE?  Nice throws themselves aren’t that hard, but this many in a row?

There’s a reason I immediately delete every regular field research that requires consecutive throws of a particular kind in any number.  And I operate almost exclusively on curveball throws, so don’t wave your hands and go “Well, if you had more practice...” and carry on as normal.  Because those research assignments don’t show up all that often, especially in the last several months when you made some tweaks to accommodate the lockdown (which, tbf, thanks for that).

But look.

I’m level 38, so I’m not new to the game.  I only have typo/autocorrect problems when an iOS update drops.  I have a current smart phone with an undamaged screen, and my ten fingers all work fine, so it’s not like my usual gaming experience is like some scene out of Borat.  I tell you this not to brag about being the best--clearly my distaste for quotas as I’ve already delineated should have made it clear that I know I’m not--but to help you to understand why I am so frustrated that

ON FRIDAY I HAD OVER A THOUSAND POKEBALLS IN MY BAG AND EVEN AFTER HITTING POKESTOPS ALL OVER TOWN THE WHOLE WEEKEND I JUST USED MY LAST ONE UP.

I was at five out of nine in a row when I first posted this, but now I’m down to two in a row for I think the third time.  Five was pretty good; usually three in a row is exceptional for me.  

But I’m not going to go buy any more balls or go out of my way to spin Pokestops just to keep wasting them.  I’ve gotten to eight in a row more than once by now, and I don't like how much it makes me swear when after fighting through really feisty Pokemon to finally get near the end and find one that is normally pretty sedate, it decides to do a double fake out.  There are kids who play this game, and they don’t need to see me struggling to maintain an adult composure over one more surprise source of frustration.  Or are you trying to teach them a life lesson about how if you’re persistent, luck might reward your efforts, but probably not, and even if so, it’s just for mediocre gains?  Because that’s what I’m taking away from this, and I used to play this game to get away from those kinds of reminders at my day job.

Okay, to be fair I’m not blaming you for me scandalizing any innocent children within earshot.  But I want to impress upon you how frustrating it is when I try to play a game I really like and all of a sudden they take a part that I enjoy less than other parts and convert it into a roadblock of heroic proportions.

You don’t have to fire the guy who came up with the idea of challenges that require vast diligence, time, and luck; but train him not to suggest ideas like this anymore and root it out of your developers’ play experience philosophy.  If I have a 75% chance of hitting a nice throw any one time, do you know what my probability of repeating that, eight more times, would be?  Under 8%.  I’d have to make over a hundred attempts, on average, before I succeeded.  Now, certainly I did get better with practice; for a while I avoided drifloons because their floatiness is harder to anticipate than, say, a shroomish, but when that’s all that’s on the map it’s learn to adapt or wait it out.  But when I’ve already burned through a significant fraction of my stockpile just to hit massive, sometimes time-sensitive quotas that are in the dozens or hundreds, a hundred attempts at nine in a row is still a lot.  Especially when my thousand balls are now down to under 300.

I normally avoid zubats in the normal course of the game, and even sableyes when I find one that won't stop twitching, so I can’t say for sure that all the ghost type pokemon--which have been crowding out the variety I normally see--are really trickier to catch just like they’re portrayed in other media, and I can’t guess if you deliberately chose to make an exceptionally time and resource costly challenge even tougher by doing it during a season that is laden with difficult Pokemon.

But I’m not much interested in finding out anymore.

[idreamofhazel]

Tips for Beginners

Edited/Updated 4-8-19

When typing this title, my phone autocorrected it to “Tips for Whiners” which is hilarious given the circumstances surrounding this post. However, my conscience got the best of me and I decided to title it differently (even though there was peer pressure for the original title). However, not all beginners are whiners (by far) and I figured it wasn’t fair to lump people into a group. Plus, this post is meant to be far more informative and encouraging than it is critical and teasing.

So why write this post? New writers are always looking for help, whether that’s tools to use to get their writing “out there,” wherever that is, ways to improve their writing, or how to develop relationships. They want to build their audience, which means gaining followers and more notes on posts. They seek out help from fellow writers, work on their own blogs, and write--a lot.

However, some new writers fall into traps of jealousy, complaining, giving up, and other negative pitfalls. They become frustrated, then turn their frustration into jealousy or aggression pointed at other, more “established” writers and bloggers. Or they turn away from the community, resign themselves to being lonely forever, convinced that no one likes them. Some whine about not getting notes and followers, they complain about blogging cliques and unfair treatment, and they adopt an attitude of “Woe is me. The blogosphere is against me.”

And I get it, to a certain extent. Writing is hard, and making a place for yourself in a space that is saturated with other bloggers and headed by accounts that can boast thousands, or even tens of thousands, of followers can be intimidating and discouraging. But it doesn’t have to be. 

This post is meant to help new writers, or any writers really, by providing both useful tips and reality checks for when you feel yourself becoming too negative. You might find that I come across sassy at times, and that may be true, but at no point do I intend to be hateful or mean. I like to put things plainly while understanding where people are coming from. As an aside, if you don’t like what I have to say, you can stop reading this post at any time. You can also take what works for you and throw out the rest. Nothing here is a blanket statement.

But let’s just get on with it. (And it is a long one)

Tips

Follow lots of writing blogs. Get your name out there. Start getting to know the community. Some people will automatically follow you back. Use hashtags and key words to find people. See who other people follow, and follow those people.

Join Writing groups/Follow advice blogs. Joining these are so helpful, especially when you’re first starting out. They connect you to other writers, they get your pieces exposure, and they offer other kinds of support and advice. Here’s some blogs that I know of for Supernatural specifically

@spnfanficpond

Weekly chats on skype with specific discussion topics hosted by fellow bloggers

Monthly awards

Reblog submitted fics

Host challenges

Find betas

Find mutuals

Tag fellow pond members

@hazelsfanfictionguide: My own personal blog for posting writing tips and advice all in one place

@atc74: a fellow SPN writer who is willing to help 

Tagging. Tag. Your. Fics. This gets you exposure to people who are searching for Supernatural fan fiction. The first five tags are searchable, so make use of those. See what the more established writers are using. See what tags are popular. Tag characters, tropes, plots points, pairings, etc.

Mentions. Start building a list of readers who want to be tagged in your pieces. This can be done many ways, but the easiest and most efficient tool that I’ve found is Google sheets to keep track of accounts. Also, look for writers who ask to be tagged and who organize rec lists. Ask other blogs if they care for you to tag them. A lot won’t mind if you’re nice. This will get your writing more exposure.  

@mrswhozeewhatsis runs a tag list here where you can find people who want to read the type of fic you’re writing

The Pond runs a list of members you can tag in fics

Reading. 

Read other people’s fics, comment on them, reblog them. This may not seem like it helps you, but being generous towards others is a great way to end up helping yourself. It can make you friends. It can make other authors aware of your presence in the writing community. And if it ends up not doing much for you, at least you’ve been a nice person. Participating in the community is key. 

Read books when you can. And pay attention to how the author writes. This will improve your own writing. You can see what you like, what you don’t like, styles you want to emulate, and how they build worlds and stories. You will learn new vocabulary and pick up on things that make someone’s writing good.

Challenges. Lots of blogs host these and you can join any of them, most of the time. Some blogs require that you follow them first, some don’t. Either way, joining challenges is fun, it stretches your creativity, and it can gain your work exposure because hosts will reblog your fics and put them on a masterlist. Many blogs host random challenges throughout the year, but there are also “big bangs” if you’re up for writing long fics about your favorite pairings.

@deancasbigbang: A yearly challenge for destiel shippers. Involves writing a lengthy fic.

@supernaturaltropecelebration: Another long fic challenge for any pairing

@samiferbigbang

Connections. This is one of the most important, most difficult, and often most overlooked tips. You must make friends in the writing community. It’s ok to feel nervous about it, to be shy, or to worry that people won’t like you. We all did at first, but you will be able to make friends if you’re patient. It doesn’t matter who those friends are. It doesn’t matter how many followers these friends have. It only matters that you have them. How do you make these friends?

Message writers about their work. Talk about why you loved it. 

Reach out and ask someone to read your work. 

Participate in ask games, send nice asks to your favorite authors, participate in other online activities with authors. I host SPN CAH games sometimes, as do other authors. I’ve met lots of new people through those games. 

Join open chats. I’ve met some of my best Tumblr friends through chats. These can happen on Skype, Discord, or other online platforms.

Realize that sometimes making a friend just....happens. You’ll hit it off with someone and you won’t know why. Usually this happens because you’ve used one of the above methods to talk to people, or they messaged you first. 

Write. Write things you want to publish, write things that no one else will see, write things you immediately delete, write things for only your friends to read. Just, write. This is the only way to improve your writing skills and it will help you grow your blog because people will enjoy your writing more. We all start out kind of crappy, trust me. And we all have to grow. We all go back and read something we wrote months ago and cringe. Yes, even that author that has 5k followers and gets 500 notes on every fic and seems to have perfect stories. Yes, they’ve cringed at their own work. The point, though, is that they’ve grown and worked hard to get where they are and you will have to as well. You can not get better if you don’t write. And you’ll have to write a lot.

Write Better. It’s a hard truth that sometimes what we write isn’t the best quality, but it’s not the end of the world. Nobody’s born an amazing writer and even the best can learn more. Better writing will make it more likely that people will want to read your stories and share them. You can improve your writing by doing some of the following:

Write as much as you can

Read as much as you can

Follow writing advice blogs (!!!)

Find a trusted beta who will work with you to make your stories the best they can be

Now, say you’ve been doing some or all of these things, and you’re not growing as much as you’d like. Maybe you feel like the tips aren’t working for you like they work for other people. Here are some other things to consider, because success isn’t just about numbers.

Are you having fun? Do you enjoy writing? Do you enjoy being on Tumblr? Do you enjoy reading other fics? Do you enjoy being in the fandom? If the answer is yes, and you still love to be on this site posting stories or whatever else you do, then focus on that. Having fun and actually enjoying this is kind of the point. 

Do you have friends? Maybe you haven’t made a ton. Maybe you don’t have a huge group of buddies. But do you have someone? Maybe a couple people? If yes, then focus on those friends. Find ways to support each other. Stop pining after the elusive “in-crowd” or “popularity gauge.” It does not exist. There is no clique, just blogs that know each other because they’ve been here awhile

Do you have some interaction on your fics? Maybe you don’t get 500 notes, maybe you don’t even get 50. But what are you getting? You won’t get much at first. That’s just the truth. But eventually, you’ll get something, and then you’ll start getting more. You don’t need tons of reblogs to feel good about your writing. Focus on the comments you do get, reply to them, and thank people for taking time to read your fics. Thank people for liking your fics. Be grateful and count your blessings and all that stuff your mom probably told you growing up. 

Now that we’ve talked a lot about what to do, let’s quickly brush over some things NOT to do. 

Don’t give up. If writing is something you really, truly enjoy, then keep doing it. If you try it, and find out it’s not really for you, then stop. But don’t stop because you aren’t where you want to be yet. Also, try another platform. Wattpad, AO3, and fanfiction.net are just a few. 

Don’t whine, complain, moan & groan. Don’t be that person that constantly whines about how hard you have it. Just don’t. We’ve all had it that hard. And we’ve all had to work hard to get to where we are. Frankly, it makes you sound immature and entitled. Because somehow you think followers and notes and popularity should magically appear to you while the rest of us took months and/or years to build that. Maybe that’s not how you actually feel, but remember... being nice and supportive in the community will get you far with people.

Don’t send hate or rude messages, anon or not. Do I really need to explain this one? What does it gain you, really? Some sick sense of superiority or self-righteousness? A little bit of negative attention? Yeah, it doesn’t get you much then.

Don’t steal work. People will find you out. And then no one will want to read from you again.

The last thing I’m going to talk about is perspective. We all need it from time to time because we get caught up in our own world and what’s happening to us. We forget other people’s experiences and we fail to realize how good we’ve got it or how far we’ve come. But it’s important to have perspective for many reasons. It makes us happier, it gives us patience and quells our frustrations, and it makes the people around us happier because we aren’t being rude to them. So here is some perspective for the writing world. 

It will take you months, maybe years. I don’t know how many months it will take you to build your blog to a point where you’re happy with it, but it will take time. Some people take only a few months, others take over a year, maybe more. I wish I could tell you why, but I can’t. It’s just how it is.

There will be people who move faster than you. Story time. I’ve been writing on this blog for exactly a year now. I have 868 followers. (Update two years later, I’m at 2103, so it’s taken me 3 years to get to 2k). But guess what? I have friends who have been writing for less than six months who have almost 2k followers. And I have friends who have been writing about the same time as me who have far more followers than I do. I have gotten frustrated from time to time. It’s only natural. But what I haven’t done is the above things on the “don’t” list. Also, take notice that I said they’re my friends. I actually like these people. I’m not jealous of them.

There will be people who won’t notice you. With big follower and note counts comes lots and lots of notifications. It is easy to miss a comment or a reblog in the midst of that noise. Put personal lives on top of that and more “popular” blogs may have a pretty hard time keeping up with notifications. It’s not fair to them for you to be mad at them for not seeing your particular reblog in the middle of hundreds. And when you reach that point, it won’t be fair for someone to do that to you either. 

You will never feel like you’ve “made it” or The Hedonic Treadmill. When you are a small blog, it is easy to look at blogs that have 1k, 5k, and 10k+ followers and feel like they’ve made it. They seem established, they seem to have reached the farthest goals. You aspire to this, and so you feel a huge gap between you and these blogs. You dream about when you reach that point. You dream about how you will feel accomplished and have a sense of finality in your endeavors. “I’ve made it,” you will say. But where exactly is it that you’ve made it to? Newsflash: No matter what goal you reach, you will feel happy about it for a moment and then you will move on and look for the next accomplishment. This is called the Hedonic Treadmill. It’s a common part of life and happens in all areas, including work and school. This is why athletes keep going after winning the olympics or people go back to school to get a second or third Ph.D. The point of all this is that it’s far better to be content where you’re at as you grow than to pine after a goal and place all your happiness and blog-worth on a follower or note goal. 

We have a bad judgment of future happiness and sadness. This ties in to the last point. Humans exaggerate both how happy or sad they will feel about a future event. This makes things like reaching 20k followers, for example, seem so amazing and wonderful, but in reality, it’s cool for a little while and then you move on. Basically, we think having these high follower counts and lots of notes on our fics will satisfy us, but it won’t. You may get there and find out that the busyness from Tumblr stresses you out. You may find that you can’t keep up with all the notifications and then you realize you wish you could go back to being smaller. You may suddenly not have so much time to enjoy reading other fics. The grass is greener on the other side and all that. Moral of the story: try to find a way to be happy where you’re at.

Basically, to summarize this giant post, take joy in writing, make some friends, contribute to the community, and focus more on what you do have rather than what you don’t. Realize that everyone, including you, has to do the same hard work to build their blogs. No one else can do it for you. This will make your Tumblr experience so much more enjoyable and that’s what we’re here for, right? To have fun.

[endmetrash]

I was tagged by @1runw1thwolves212 Rules: tag 20 blogs you’d like to get to know better. (I don’t think I can do that as @1runw1thwolves212 tagged them all already. See hers and you’ll know who I’d tag.

Nicknames: Tash, Trash (it’s an autocorrect thing), the amazing Tash/Trash, Aunty Trash (I played an aunt for the last play I was in) Zodiac sign: Pisces Height: 171cm, which is 5 foot 6 inches. Last thing I googled: the last webpage I visit was the Mystic Messenger Wiki page for chat room timings (that’s pinned). The last thing I searched was Minecraft Pocket Edition commands. Favourite music artist: it changes day to day, some days I’m listening to different songs from others. At the moment it’s probably Fall Out Boy, Maroon 5, Melanie Martinez and basically a whole heap of musical soundtracks. Song stuck in my head: well, I get a tonne. Recently I’ve had that song which has the lyrics ‘sunshine, lollipops and rainbows everywhere’ because I’m ironic (so much homework. I need positivity). Right at this moment it’s Animals by Maroon 5 as I wrote down the band name. Last movie I watched: San Andreas, it was on TV. What am I wearing: black long-sleeve, and black and white patterned loose trousers. Yes, I am wearing mostly black. Why did I choose my URL: I was with a friend who wanted me to start another Instagram account (I keep forgetting my passwords). I was really quite…special at this time and quite weird, I regret it. I was suggesting stuff which this friend didn’t like and then we decided on adding Trash, my autocorrect name. In front of that we added end me because this friend was super edgy. I have started using it on everything. Religious or spiritual: I used to be Anglican Christian though not very strict. Now I’ve done a little soul searching and have decided I’m agnostic. I believe that anyone can think what they want as long as they aren’t forcing their beliefs or hurting anyone. Favourite colour: turquoise, though only a few certain shades, so I usually just say green. Average hours of sleep: really varies. During school term it’s 5-7 hours, but on holidays I’ve been known to sleep up to 12 hours. Favourite characters: let’s see how short I can make this. The king and queen of all characters is Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, with Draco as the prince. After this comes Magnus Bane, James Potter, Will Herondale, Jem Carstairs, Tessa Gray, 707 (Seven from Mystic Messenger), Zen (also Mystic Messenger) and Jaehee Kang (Mystic Messenger again). There’s my top 11. How many blankets do you sleep with: usually 1-2. If I need to be warmer I use a heat bag. Dream job: really not certain yet. It’s probably medical or physics based science researcher or something to do with I.T. Tags: yeah, I got nothing. If you see this, feel free to post. I would love to learn about everyone, so please tag me.

[bts-love-sweat-tears]

30 questions tag

Tagged by the lovely @jihyesol Thank you for the love! Typing this on my phone, so please forgive any weird autocorrect. 1. Nicknames: My close family have some, but I genera people just call me Julie. It's not that long, haha. 2. Gender: Female 3. Star Sign: Virgo 4. Height: 5′ 4.75" 5. Time: 11PM 6. Birthday: September 11 😕 7. Favorite Band(s): Well, if it isn't obvious by the entire blog dedicated to them, BTS. Also: Backstreet Boys (not to date myself, but I still have many of the old cassettes lol), 2008/9 UKISS (the gateway drug lol), The xx, Of Monsters and Men, The Head and the Heart, Fleet Foxes, Las Pastillas del Abuelo (check out Dos Amantes del Montón), El Cuarteto de Nos, The Weepies, Lake Street Dive, and so many others I'm sure I'm not thinking of right now. 8. Favorite Solo Artist(s): Kiiara, Logic, Childish Gambino, Kesha, older Jack Johnson, Zion T. Recently Ella Vos. I'm blanking on others but I'm sure there are many more good artists I like and listen to regularly. 9. Song Stuck in my head: Bad Blood & Wildest Dreams by T-Swift, I won't lie to you. It's weird though bc I haven't even listened to her that recently. Things just get stuck and bounce around my brain I guess. 10. Last movie watched: Wall Street, feat 1987 Charlie Sheen lol. 11. Last TV show watched: Just started Haeundae Lovers. Idk how I feel about the overacting (lol) but I'm doing it for the satoori//listening comprehension. I've also be dreaming of a Jimin gang!au where the girl is super cute but also the daughter of a gang boss so a total badass at fighting, so maybe I'll get some inspo. 12. When did I create my blog: 2011. But I deleted it and created this one last May. 13. What do I post: Reblog pics, memes and other content that strikes my fancy about our boys. Try to write fanfics, post without editing then, and later obsess over typos I made. 14. Last thing I googled: Directions to a local (ish) park where my company was having a picnic. 15. Do you have other blogs: Not on Tumblr. I have some travel blogs on Wordpress that were basically digital diaries of when I was living abroad. 16. Do you get asks: I've had like one or two ever. If you ever want to, feel free. I'll promise not to leave you hanging if you do because I too know that anxious feeling of sending someone an ask and wondering if they saw it//will respond. 17. Why did you choose your URL: Honestly, I've always sucked at naming things, and went for a BST name that wasn't already taken, ha. 18. Following: Like 150ish? I'm on my phone as I said so there's no way for me to check without backing out of this post. 19. Followers: Last time I checked last week it was ~53. I would love to get to know everyone better ❤ 20. Favorite Colors: Pink, black, silver 21. Average Hours of Sleep: ideally 8-9. Realistically like 6-7. 22. Lucky Number: I've always liked 9, 11, & 13. 23. Instruments: my whole family is very musically talented, even going back to my grandfather, who can play multiple instruments. I sadly, am the black sheep of the family. Like Yoongi, my first love was the piano, which I took lessons for years. Sadly I think I've lost it all. I then took voice lessons for many years which I loved and frequently regret quitting. I then took guitar lessons briefly but was pretty horrible at it. 24. What am I wearing right now: ( I think this is what it said-I accidentally deleted it but as I said before there is no going back now!) gray tank top tucked into a navy skirt with green embroidery at the hem. My watch and two silver rings. 25. How many blankets I sleep with: 1. I have one specifically that I love! I buy blankets in literally every country I go to though, so I can make a nest in the winter. I also buy mugs everywhere I go so I'm clearly a fall//winter person. Or a closet snuggle bunny. 26. Dream Job: Diplomat or director of an international organization. Basically I need to be able to travel a lot. 27. Dream Trip: Asia. Korea for obvious reasons, but also I grew up reading manga & watching Ghibli films so I would love to visit Japan (I know that these are fantasy, like kpop, but I still want to see the cultures that inspired the creators). I want to go to China because I have friends from there and love the food. Also, you know, the Great Wall. Thailand, Australia, and Chile are also on the list. TLDR: basically anywhere ✈️🌏 28. Favorite Food: Any kind of noodles (Namjoon-ssi, hit me up!) 29. Nationality: American. But it is getting more and more tempting to lie and say Canadian. 30. Favorite Song now: idk if I could choose just one song, but I'll say Blood, Sweat and Tears to go with the theme of the blog. This took forever, and I always tag the same people, so rather than tag I am going to leave it open ended to ALL of my followers! If you want to do it, tag me in the post and I will happily learn about you ❤❤❤

[tomatoluvr69]

Tag Nine People You’d Like To Get To Know Better!

I was tagged by the delightful @deer-tongue whose vibes are unparalleled ✨ by the way I ADORE every single thing you post from your park attendant job— I am living vicariously through you. It makes me very happy. And I very recently connected the dots about a certain special side blog...........it makes me mugly cry every time I see it. <3

(EDIT: I saw once I pressed post that the lovely @by-thunder had tagged me as well, while I was drafting this post to my weary stenographer. You are GALAXY brained and you always make me laugh and better yet, feel pain in the ’cord. Thanks for the tag :) )

Last song: my last song was the song Run That Body Down by Paul Simon which is, in my opinion, criminally underrated. It’s one of my absolute top numbers the guy ever did. Also, by serendipitous coincidence, a few hours ago I was trying to search the song to reblog (to no avail, rip)....only to find a text post from @deer-tongue herself about this song and MASH. Go figure, small world!! 🤯😮 but yeah, it’s pretty nice :) runners-up are Gone Baby, Don’t Be Long by Erykah Badu, whom I love much more dearly than Paul Simon. Sorry to paul and to my anachronistic vintage media mutuals I’m an imposter. And the second runner-up is Do You Love Me? Part 2 by Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds. Again, I’m an imposter here.......

Last movie: My last movie was Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid, which I watched last night after a three week no movie stretch that happened by accident. (I did try to watch Venom in that time, but it didn’t stick. Sorry to my brother, who suggested it. Marvel ain’t for me, kiddo. Also get off my blog you’re not allowed to see me like this). I LOVE Butch Cassidy (which my phone has been trying to autocorrect to bitch, so I guess I’ve finally trained it) since I saw it sr year of high school I think? It’s a rare film that you can easily follow along when you’re deeply entrenched in a no thoughts head empty, but is also stunningly beautiful and a real work of art. And Paul Newman my absolute,....,,, uh you get the picture.

Currently reading: ah. You got me there. I adore reading, and have done quite a lot of it, but you know when you’re going to a mental health intake visit and they ask you if you’re losing interest slash motivation in the things you used to enjoy? Well. I’ve been having trouble reading books lately, and it doesn’t help that my library access is pretty pandemic limited. I tried to reread Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin, but the brain fog side effect/symptom I’ve been having lately made the prose really inaccessible and I wound up returning it ☹️ last one I finished though was The Likeness by Tana French. LOVED it. OH AND I’m currently working through (at an absolutely glacial pace, sorry you two) two MASH fics: After You/Because Of You (x) by @fieryphrazes and tell all the stars above (x) by @bigyellowtaxis which I wholeheartedly recommend.

Currently watching: this may be surprising but MASH. there’s nothing else, and hasn’t been for many months. I’m extremely bad at consuming TV and it was literally only the structure afforded by MeTV’s daily two episodes that allowed me to finish mash. I haven’t even finished most of the other shows I consider to be all-time favorites. Oops. OH but I did watch my first episode of columbo tonight :) what a funky guy

Currently craving: a sense of stability 😤😔 jkjk I know it’s food. Food’s a bit haywire for me right now but I am always on board for salmon, iced coffee, thai green curry w/kabocha, a bagel sandwich with capers and lox, or anything gochujang, espresso, or lemon. OH actually nevermind. I’m craving fresh strawberries. I’m always craving fresh strawberries. Sourdough bread. Kombucha. Thai tea. Okay I’ll shut up now. Mustard greens, potato leek soup, broccoli, garden fresh tomatoes all warm from the sun—

Tagging: I have seen this post going around and am absolutely lousy at keeping track, plus I think a bunch of folks have been tagged and haven’t done it yet as well so!!! I’m doing the classic cop-out, only it’s not a cop-out it’s a goddamn invitation!!!! So if you’re dying to do it PLEASE do it and you are more than welcome to tag me!!! Yes you!!! The girl reading this (gender neutral)!!!!! I would LOVE to read more about my followers even if we don’t talk!!!!!! :-) and go read the fics I linked ok bye :-)

[blobular]

You know what's kinda frustrating?

I run an ask blog, and I love love love doing it, but I can't stand making updates. Why? Because no one asks questions! My followers have no deductive reasoning!! They never ask questions! And when they do, the questions are completely irrelevant to the story! Or they're relevant, but they're just a simple "No!" I can't work with that! If a character just died, I don't need a bunch of "oh no" in my askbox!! I need people to interrogate the very suspicious looking person!! I need people to ask the characters questions like "Why aren't you upset that your brother just got murdered in front of you?" An ask blog can't run if there are no questions to respond to!! I have sent myself anons many times just to get the story rolling!! I hate it!! I constantly tell them to be suspicious, to not trust any of the characters, that even the sweetest most child-like character of all could be lying to you! I tell them to check the tags in story related posts to find hints!! I straight up give them things to ask about as the narrator!! I'll say shit like "*character* is acting very suspicious, maybe you should investigate" and still no one says anything!! I have maybe 2 names that regularly appear in my ask box, but I've got 60 god damned followers!!

I get that undertale ain't that hot anymore but honestly!! I'm tryna write a mystery! I have a full story planned out!! I've got everything ready except the individual updates!! I've got details fleshed out for what all will happen after the story is done!! But no one asks anything!! I'm done!! I tried so hard to make this fun, but it's not anymore!! It's too frustrating!! I might end up editing my notes into a fic, posting that, then never updating the blog again! No one would care! My biggest problem is that everything I have for this blog is DEPENDENT on what asks I get! I would actually have to write the fic in 2nd person for it to make even a lick of sense! Imagine reading fuckin "You asked gaster if you can see what he's looking at. He looks up at you with uncharacteristic annoyance on his features and snaps a 'N-no!' At you, immediately dissipating the window he was looking through." I know I wouldn't! Not if I had the option to have the characters really react to what im saying rather than what the author tells me I said!

My followers are gonna lose their chance to play along, and only the few that are following both this one, and forgottendoll will know about it.

I'm sorry, but I hate this. It's extremely likely that I'll never update the blog with a drawn update again, and there's a chance I'll never explain, save for linking back to this rant.

There's a chance that I won't ever even make the fic out of my notes, but I feel I owe my followers at least to know what was going to happen.

I want questions! I really do!! But I doubt that I'll get more than one word bits in my inbox, and I can't stand the lack of interaction!

I give up! I'm sorry!

This is also a rant and there is chance that I will completely disregard everything in this post in the morning as it is rly late and im tired!!! Thank God for autocorrect! That chance is small!!! 🙃🙃🙃

[lunaplumxx-blog]

Conscious Stream

I decided it's time to post my first 'conscious stream'. I was stoned when I wrote this, for me it's a very deep & personal thing. A lot of self exploration happened. As it's written as the thoughts are happening some of it may not make sense as I've tried my best not to edit it unless it's genuinely unreadable although there is a section where that happening is relevant but all will make sense when you read it. I'm a little scared posting this but here goes nothing! This was written a little while ago and I've come a long way since then but I feel it's important to include all of this here as it's a huge part of my progress to this point! When you sneak in at night after a smoke & every move you make you have to be completely silent. The thought of being caught stoned by one of my parents is terrifying! It makes my shoulders feel very tense. It hits my throat chakra i think. That made my right shoulder twitch intensely. I feel very open to my chakras when I'm stoned, that's why I prefer to be alone. It's addictive but it's easy. The thought of actually experiencing it as intensely sober scares me. That reallyyyyyyy made my shoulders twitched & a tense feeling in my throat too! I've got so much I need to get out into the universe but I can never fully put it into words quite like this...wooah that made my bum tense like crazy, my root chakra. I feel an intense grounding feeling after writing that down. Weed intensifies EVERYTHING! So in turn when I'm high I'm more in tune with that side of myself. I feel completely open. I just had the most insaneeeeee connection with my crown chakra. I feel like I'm being grounded right now, pulled towards the earth. It's begging me, it's begging me to stop smoking weed. It's an addiction Luna, using that name when writing this cut my connection...thinking about a fucking blog during this experience, whilst writing this to think about the fucking internet is ridiculous which instantly deepen my connection & in turn every time I though about the Internet broke the connection & recognition of that deepened my connection. It's like the top of my head is open the feeling of connecting that deeply to the earth & universe flowing down to my heart, a mad rush. I can feel my hips opening a little, like they were pulled out, loosened a little. That's my root chakra?! I'm still new and that's ok too btw missy! That's your sacral chakra right now in your tummy, that's why the pain elevates quite a lot when you acknowledge that factor. It's ok the make mistakes when writing this, stop being so fucking hard on yourself to be perfect every fucking TIME!! You're setting you're self up to fail based on feelings deep in your brain of repressed childhood memories of your father that are not but feel impossible to get past because they're so buried, tucked away with everything pre affair. Fact. That gives me a kinda warm feeling in my tummy. It's crazy!! I know I can achieve this sober but I'm fucking scared & im terrified of opening up to my parents about it. There's so many fucking issues with Danny still and it irritates the FUCK out of me!! 😡 I debated whether to put the emoji or not for about 30 seconds and when I relaxed, stop over fucking thinking for a minute and chose to put the emoji, put two and then deleted on because it dropped down a line 😂 my root chakra twitched. Then when I put the the crying with laughter on my throats and now my back feels warm. Every time I stop myself from correcting a spelling mistake my foot twitches so I defo agree that the foot chakra is very important. I just want to achieve this sober but I'm scared. THAT made my toe as wiggle! Wow this is insane I've never done this stoned, just sat and writing the thoughts that go through my head as they happen which in turn creates this insane feeling of dare I say it a temporary moment of my chakras being open, being grounded to the earth, to myself, my true fucking self! I nearly deleted that last fuck then and that one but I stopped myself which made my throats warm and my bum cheeks twitch 🙊🙈 CRAZY! THAT WAS INSANE!! I understand why weed came back into myself, it's to give me a push, it's my reminder to not be scared, to allow yourself to connect with the earth sober. You don't need weed. Now you've seen what you can do with all your FfUCKING chakras open!! SO FUCKING DO IT! STOP BEING SO SCARED, OPEN UP TO YOUR MUM, nows the time to get your friendship back again, you damaged it a lot worse than you thought. I'd forgotten how good friends we were. I think that's why I found Gilmore girls at this point too to be honest, to show me what I had kinda thing. That gives me a warm feeling and makes my shoulders go funny and my throat a little tight, I think thats my sub conscious talking through my body. This is just...]+]. This is it, it's time. I think this is the final push, this is that last thing allowing him into your head, you've got to let it go. That makes my head go fuzzy and my heads a little numbish. I get it, that's how he used it with me, that's whys it bad for me. It's done you good the last two times, it's shown you the way to this point and now I'm done. I can feel so many chakras tingling, head is squeezing right now. That's the old hold he had, make your brain a little fuzzy everythme you slightly see how he used it, what he really did you you, how much look at my wright right. Ow, I barely can. That's the hold, the 29 fuck. Leg shaking right hip pulling leg straight, that hit something, my root chakra I think. Did admitting that shit, writing it down just trough me a little ...he doesn't like it. I understand now. But he's not really there anymore and that's ok too babe...did I really just call myself babe 🙈😂 it's like there's a filter there, stops me remembering all that shit, that makes my left bum cheek go mad!!!! Wowza! Head! Lost it. Throat tightening bum cheek it's ok, accept it you can have this sober too! Thought don't need this shit. You don't need him. YOU DONT NEED ANYONES APPROVAL BUT YOUR OWN!!! I MADE SURE I RETEAD THAT AND IT MADE ME ROOT CHAKRA TWITCH ITS SUTHLE AND SOVEING 😫 I'm scared and I don't know why when it feels so fucking amazing. I'm scared I can't feel this connected though but my body feels likes it telling me that it can, I just have to change shit. Stop living in a shit, hole, create a routine, eat cleaner, look after yourself! Hair. I need to get this fucking real with myself sober but I get scared and I don't like asking for help but if I don't I'm going to slip I can feel it and I really don't want to. Thank you autocorrect 😂 I think it's time to sleep