#I'd wager probably not either

[determunition]

sometimes you just have to put old people in the most bonkers fashion you can find on pinterest

p03's of course got a combination of corny tech aesthetics and cowboy vibes (as soon as i saw those CD pants i knew i had to put him in them); mag's got an eye-searing cosmic 80's-core thing going on, as he should; grimora's rife with goth/punk statement pieces that were equal parts fun and annoying to draw; and leshy is a goblincore nightmare

i hope you all enjoy gazing upon these fashion crimes as much as i enjoyed throwing them together lmao

(pinterest boards for poe, mag, grimora, and leshy are linked here if you'd like to see my references, pieces that didn't make the cut, and also a handful of cursed vibe pics thrown in for good measure)

[mesetacadre]

Something I'd consider to be a big step in any communist's theoretical and practical development is the true adoption of class politics, as the main vehicle of your discourse. There is no shame in not having done this, and I'd wager almost any communist had a period of time between consciously adopting marxist politics and this "true adoption" I'm referring to. Some never take this step as well.

Especially if you were already into politics, rejecting the political discourse of bourgeois democracy and substituting it for class politics is something that takes conscious effort. Take immigration as an example, this is a relevant subject of debate in the EU. The two main positions in normal (read: bourgeois) debate is to either make legal immigration harder and murder more migrants, or to relax controls and allow easier legal integration into whichever country they're in. Your intuition as a newer communist is probably to side with the second position, and that's understandable. But a consistently class conscious position is to first understand that those two broad sets of policies (hardening or relaxing the borders) both serve different factions of the same capitalist class at the same time:

Immigration, particularly from global south countries sacked by Europe, serves to increase the reserve army of labor that exerts a downwards pressure on wages, especially from these immigrants whose precarious situations force them to take the harshest jobs for miserable pay. So these two alternating policies of opening or closing up the border (but never closing it) serve to control the size of this reserve army when it's convenient, and once they're in Europe, to utilize this mass of low-wage workers. This is what is at the crux of the bourgeois debate over immigration in Europe, it's just coated in different paints, one nationalistic and one more "humanitarian". And this is what informs the actually marxist position in this particular debate; the rejection of any and all instrumentilzation of our fellow workers for the benefit of the capitalist class. There is no immigration policy within a capitalist framework that does not utilize the cheap labor brought by immigration.

If our goal as communists is to guide the working class to power, then we should be consequent in this and not lose ourselves in debates about which policy the managers of capitalism should adopt, it's to educate workers in our actual positions and utilize these debates as a jumping off point. This is what differentiates communists and opportunists who use workerist rethoric

[bumblebeesfromvenus]

Simon Riley NSFW hcs ♡

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Two lovely people asked for my NSFW Simon headcannons and I'm happy to provide!!

Just a disclaimer, these are my headcannons. If you have ones that are totally different, that's okay!

He's fictional and can be whatever you want him to be <3 (except a rapist. We don't do that here.)

If you have any COD thoughts or requests, my inbox is open!!

~ Fi 🐝

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I'm a soft!Simon truther until death.

There's not a single reality in which I can see him ever being too rough with you, let alone hurting you.

First of all, he has no fucking clue what he's doing. He's maybe had sex 2-3 times in his life and I don't think any of them were memorable or good.

I'd wager that all of them were hookups, encouraged by other soldiers to "let off steam". But Simon just can't do it, it feels so wrong. To give himself so fully to someone he doesn't even know.

There needs to be an emotional connection in order for him to feel comfortable and good. He needs to trust and love this person before he can do anything with them.

It's gonna take a while for him to open up, but once he does everything is smooth sailing.

(I also don't think he masturbated excessively. He probably jerked off, everyone gets horny, but especially if we say he's on antidepressants, his sex drive is pretty low. He's either too tired or just doesn't care)

Your first time together was fueled by a, not so uncommon, make-out session on his couch. It'd usually end with you grinding on his thigh or rubbing yourself over his clothed cock until you both reached a satisfactory end.

Simon thinks he could live an entire relationship with only sticking to dry humping, but in reality he's just terrified of the intimacy of real sex.

It's not too romantic, none of that rose petals lit candle stuff. It's not that Simon hates all of that, but I just think it'd be too much for the first time.

He's already so nervous (so are you probably if we're honest) and all that extra stuff would overwhelm the fuck out of him.

(He will spoil you with rose petals and candles another night, even if it just ends you with you falling asleep in eachother's arms <3)

Eventhough it's soft and sweet, you're both still very horny and basically rip the clothes off of the other.

Foreplay is important!!! (For all my girlies who don't drip down their thighs)

Not only for you but for him too. Even if he's rock hard already, he wants to enjoy himself, maybe be a tease. He will always make sure that you're okay and ready (and so will you bc he deserves it).

Would literally eat you out to calm himself down. He probably has fallen asleep while licking your pussy, it's his personal meditation.

Your taste, the way you feel on his tongue and the fact that he was two perfectly good pillows wrapped around his head made it easy for him to nod off.

Also, he prefers it hairy. (Fight me.) (pls don't)

I know it's cliche but he's like 2 seconds away from just coming inside of you the second he pushes in. Not only does he feel good but when he looks down he sees you and he could cry from how happy he is. He just loves you so much.

Can we please put the "You only take half of him" bullshit to rest??? Thank you. We all know Simon as BDE but let's keep it on the real side okay. He couldn't give less of a shit if you can take him to the hilt or not.

(Some gals physically can't bc if your vaginal canal is too short, then it's impossible. You don't want a bruised cervix, so don't be stupid) I do think when he's more comfortable about it and a little more desperate and rough, he'll play into the size kink.

He probably has a huge size kink anyway but he would never make you feel bad if you couldn't take all of him. (Especially if you're giving him head bc let's be real that thing is not going down no one's throat okay)

He has the prettiest moans. I JUST KNOW IT. they're more throaty and deep but they sound good. I honestly don't think this man is capable of whimpering (like physically. Not with that smoker lung) sorry babes.

Simon isn't too loud, but just enough to make you that much hotter. He will try to pull more moans out of you, like a little challenge for himself.

NONE OF THAT "10 rounds Riley" SHIT. (Have any of y'all ever had an orgasm before like?? Who the fuck is going ten rounds??? Not me that's for sure lmao) it really all depends on your guys' mood and neediness on that day.

I do think he can and wants to go a couple of rounds but it's probably more on the rare side and never more than 4.

He knocks out immediately. He's always tired anyways.

I think his favorite positions are missionary, prone bone, and cow girl. He likes the closeness, wants to feel every part of you and kiss it like his life depends on it.

The further you are into your relationship, the more new stuff you can try out. He's always gonna be hesitant at first but if it's not too out there he'll try it.

Simon will tell you if something is a hard no for him and he expects you to respect, just as he would for you.

Would 100% make you ride his face. Wants to he smothered in it okay. (Simon said sit, so sit.)

Simon would be down to tying you up (one condition; you're never tied to anything. In case of emergencies)

You won't get him to be tied up though, that's a real hard no.

I think the closest you'd get to a submissive Simon is if you order him around.

He's sitting on his knees before you and you tell him exactly what you want him to do (one thing Simon Riley can do is follow orders) and he'll pretend to let you be in control and maybe you are for a while, but deep down he's always in control (not necessarily sexual or possessively, he just needs the security)

He loves to get head (not as much as giving it tho) but he will never ever force his cock down your throat, even if you begged him.

He can't do it, won't do it. Has he had the urge and fantasies?? Sure, but it goes against everything he promised when you got into a relationship.

Sweetly suck on his tip and stroke the rest of his length and he's happy as a clam <3

His absolutely favorite thing is when you ride him in the morning. Just lazy and sloppy circles of your hips while you sit on top of him. He loves the sight.

Simon'll gently hold onto your hips and guide you if need be. It's even better if you're laying flush against his chest and the both of you are snuggled under the blanket.

Bonus; he loves to make-out with you. It's an unhealthy obsession that has led to too much lipgloss/lipstick ingested just bc the fucker couldn't wait 2 minutes for you to take it off.

Kissing you is his number 1 way to show you how much he loves you since words aren't his strong suit.

Needless to say, he's head over heels for you, and the sex is great. <3

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I hope you lovelies enjoyed it!

More of my works --> 💫

[jesswritesthat]

Suna Rintarō: Bets

Fandom: Haikyuu!! — [ Masterlist ]

Summary: ~1.2k, fluff

• Challenging Atsumu is always fun and games, but how long can you keep playing when it involves Suna?

Warnings: None

>>>>——————————>

Atsumu let off yet another chastise of offence toward his teammate who took it in stride, they knew he was a perfectionist when it came to his sets - they were tailored specifically so when someone missed he took it personally. However, Sunas taunting on the matter had agitated him today which lead you to your pouty blonde friend on his chosen bench, a dangerous skip in your step as you settled next to him.

"If he's that annoying, I could take him out for ya." You playfully suggested, smirk looming as you spun your pencil between your fingers. "Y'know, if you want?"

Atsumu flicked his suspicious gaze to you after hearing your alluring offer, eyeing you with more conviction than usual.

"With a gun or on a date?"

A conniving grin and a casual shrug that told him you weren't bothered by either.

"Depends how much he annoys me."

"Hah I dare ya, 'cuz I'd like to see ya try either." Atsumu at least seemed more upbeat, pushing your shoulder bemused.

"What do I get out of it?"

"Huh?"

"If you're issuing me a challenge that I complete, I deserve a reward." You chimed, a lace of certainty that told him you were serious.

"Yer get the date don't ya."

"Or a dead body."

A moment was taken to appreciate you quick wit, then another for a stare off, and finally Atsumu broke with a long defeated sigh.

"Jeez alright alright, I'll do anything ya want."

"Anything?"

"Within reason obviously, but Suna ain't gonna be won over. 'Samu says he already has the hots for someone." Part of you suspected Atsumu had played you, but wasn't smart enough to install a wager if you lost the bet so probably not, which gave you false enthusiasm.

"That's because he hasn't met me yet~"

"He has. Many times, yer friends for cryin' out—"

"I know! I was trying to be confident since you just ruined my chances at this! Is murder the only option or do you know who it is?" Immediately your suave facade dissipated with Atsumus deadpan statement and you were hunched over with a massive weight crushing your heart and hopes of success.

"Nah, stupid brother wouldn't tell me. Said I couldn't lie for shit."

You remained in thought making a noise of agreement which Atsumu took offence to but still, it was gut-wrenching information as you thought Rintarō would've told you too, since you're ‘supposed’ to be close friends.

Even so, during the following break in practice you were determined to utilise the 5 minutes for their entire worth. You slid into the spot beside Suna far smoother than originally intended which definitely boosted your charisma.

"Hey Rintarō, you come here often?"

"No, I'm a chronic skiver. Literally never seen you before in my life."

"Perfect, they say oversharing with strangers is a great way to get things off your chest." A solid if not obvious opening, one Rin had apparently became acutely aware of as he tuned into the conversation properly and ceased drinking his water.

"Yeah? What would you suggest?"

"Rumours, strategies, crushes, trauma? Take your pick."

"So there's this person in our class. Thinks they're real slick, and smart, they are kinda funny too considering they think I'll fall for their antics." He cockily paused, and indictaive stare looking you up and down knowingly but amused. "Honestly they're lucky they're hot else I wouldn't send them vines."

"..."

"You suck." A playful death glare met his pleased one alongside your own deadpan voice to which he served you his point.

"And you (Y/n), can ask me anything without the fluff."

"Yeah yeah, let me take you out as an apology. I'll treat you to ramen, this Friday?"

"You buying?" Suna tilted his head curiously, expression remaining unreadable.

"Mm-hm~"

It wasn't uncommon, the two of you would venture out either together or with fellow Inarizaki classmates and end up walking back together. As such you'd often take turns in paying for various purchases.

"Hm, I don't know..."

Either he knew you better than you thought, or something else was going on in that cunning mind of his.

"Rintarō, would you accept if I told you we could get anything we wanted out of Atsumu?"

"Ah that's why you're acting weird."

"Partly, anyway we agreed if I take you out he'll do anything, and I think it'll be fun to share said prize since you helped me earn it."

"Alright. Surprised he went along with it since we go out together all the time, he's not that stupid right?"

"...Well." The lack of conviction was humorous, however even Suna knew Atsumu better than his 'blonde moments' would allow.

"(Y/n)."

"Ughhhhh okay! Atsumu heard you liked someone, so knew you wouldn't accept my offer."

"You don't know who it is." It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. He realised you wouldn't be sitting here if you knew.

"No, and as much as I'd like to know, you don't have to tell me Sunarin."

It was silent for a moment, the brunette in thought before the interruption snapped the two of you from your quiet contemplation.

"Suna c'mon! Breaks over!"

You remained seated as he stood, not sparing a glance until he reaching the court alongside his teammates wearing a clever smirk.

"Ramen on Friday, after school!"

You watched Atsumu falter his serve, snapping a look of shock in your direction of which the only response was a mocking smile.

———

It was as casual as ever when you visited the local you’d sat in together many times before, sharing memes next to each other at the counter and commenting on one of the Miya blackmail recordings Suna had procured that week.

It wasn’t until midway through your food did the blocker turn to pause, looking to you who gratefully enjoyed your food. He was deciding, mind working a mile a second on the correct path here alongside remarks he couldn’t make. Instead he settled on honesty, much like you had done in the gymnasium except it took far less for you to get anything out of him.

"Osamu gave me a wager too, same reward as his brother." The offhanded casualness of his tone made it seem nonchalant, but you couldn’t help the arsing scepticism.

"That's suspicious, are they planning something?"

"I guess so." Suna shrugged half-heartedly, you could feel him analysing your response rather carefully by his narrowed side eye.

You stopped eating as this was worth pondering, the only reason these two bets could link together would be if the identity of Sunas' romantic interest was a certain individual. There's' no way, it’s got to be a different scheme.

"That'd only make sense if the person you liked was—"

Sunas’ warm palm covered your mouth, silencing your potential (but already known) revelation.

"You." A sorrowful smile. "Yeah I know."

A hum of acceptance emitted from behind his palm which softened his usual emotionless gaze, he’d gifted you the information to work it out and predicted you would rather quickly. It was easier than finding the words, there’s too many in both his head and heart for you.

"Sorry, I had to tell you myself else I'd lose the bet. I’d say that counts."

It wasn’t blunt or straightforward which you’d expect from Suna in this situation, in fact if you really dissected it, you couldn’t claim he’d officially confessed to you at all. But that was Suna Rintarō for you, leaving things ambiguous to figure out yourself and by then he’d have a gauge on your reciprocation, he was strategic in more than just Volleyball. But in you, he had worthy opponent, and you weren’t one to play into his hands.

After another moment, he removed his hand leaving a second to return his gaze, and another to breathe a sigh of understanding.

“So, where do we go from here Rin?”

“Wherever you want, (Y/n).”

“I think dealing with the Miya Twins is a great place to start.”

<——————————<<<<

[ Masterlist ]

[vidavalor]

Polari

@camdenleisurepirates mentioned Polari & Ineffable Husbands Speak, so some thoughts on that below.

I think that C&A know how to speak Polari but the most common Polari words aren't in their language as much so far I don't think-- only because Polari is meant to sound exclusionary while C&A are hiding their cant vocabulary in words that wouldn't raise alarm bells for anyone listening to them.

They know a lot of stuff that influenced Polari and ties into it a bit, like the slang of seamstresses and sailors, which are part of their speak, but saying anything like "bona" and "vada" and "omi-palone" and the like on the bench in St. James' Park, etc. was out for them or the ducks watching them would have figured out something was up.

There are a couple of Polari words that overlap with their language that they seem to be using at least a little, though. The slang of a cottage and cottaging in gay communities is also part of Polari and Crowley & Aziraphale not only know exactly what that means but it also fits into their speak easily and I'd wager they will be smirking about it in relation to their South Downs cottage for some time. It's probably a word we'll hear on different levels in S3.

To "do a turn" in Polari and sailor's slang is one way to refer to having sex. The presumption has been that it comes from the theatrical world and doing a turn on stage. (Rather amusingly, C&A are literally doing a turn on stage during their Big Damn Sexual Euphemism Bullet Catch performance in S2.) Crowley uses "turn" euphemistically in this way in 2008 in 1.01. It's actually euphemistic on two different levels-- the Polari/sailor's slang level and also a joke related to the meaning of crepes in his and Aziraphale's speak.

Polari does have a lot of food euphemisms but not really overlapping with C&A's way that much & not to the same extent (to be fair, it'd be hard for any slang to get anywhere close to the same extent lol.)

It's not specifically Polari but kind of Polari-adjacent coded language but some gay men in England in the 1950s would refer to looking for gay erotica as looking for "American" magazines/books, etc. because that had just begun to be imported from the U.S. at the time. One aspect of the use of "America"/"American" in C&A's speak is in a coded way referring to not just to the idea of freedom in general (though, that too, for sure) but to sexual freedom, which is likely tied to how that was coded language for gay men in London historically at one point. While they still use America/American that way at times, they love their food euphemisms more when it comes to their erotica collection, which Aziraphale referred to as the "cookbook section" in GO: Lockdown. (I'm still laughing over that. 😂)

This one isn't Polari in origin, either-- as it came before it-- but, in Molly slang in the 1700s, the phrase "pleasant deed" was used to describe sex between male partners. It is thought to have possibly originated prior to being used by the Mollies but exactly when & where is unknown, so... technically, it or something *very* close to it could have been around in, say, 1601 😉... in case you ever got the same vibe from this that I do:

There's also that brandy is Polari & Cockney Rhyming Slang for ass and Crowley, when talking about Jane Austen in S2, says that she was a "brandy smuggler." The Napoleonic Wars were happening at the time so the "brandy" in question is actually French brandy-- the term for which is really cognac. (Aziraphale is drinking cognac-- a much more current bottle of Courvoisier-- in GO: Lockdown.) I'm sure that Jane really did have a whole scheme going where she was getting black market cognac into England during the war-- there's always the literal and then the wordplay level in GO-- but for Crowley to refer to Jane as a "brandy" smuggler in S2 might maybe suggest that Jane was also involved in facilitating some clandestine and gay shenanigans? The phrase "brandy smuggler" alone fits C&A's speak independently of any of the other connotations as brandy is alcohol (with the word 'randy' in it, no less lol) and one part of the origin of the word smuggle is "to eat secretly"-- food & alcohol being two of the most common euphemisms for them.

There's one more off the top of my head that is more like a joke about Crowley knowing Polari than actual use of the words itself but it is tied into a couple of Crowley & Muriel scenes in S2. In Polari, there are a bunch of phrases that mean "the police" and one of them is "orderly daughters." At the same time, to "order" in Polari is to orgasm.

Muriel shows up at the door and identifies themselves as a human police officer so insistently that they tell C&A at one point that their name is "Inspector Constable." Crowley makes some jokes that he knows only Aziraphale will understand about how some cops make a "hobby" out of spying on queer people. Later on, when Crowley has Muriel arrest him to get to Heaven, the jokes he's making that are all going over Muriel's head are all related to what will "take him to Heaven"-- some things that will get him to "order", in Polari. This all works without the Polari already but it's also kind of as if Crowley's wordplay-happy mind is turning over "orderly daughters" and "order" and that's part of why he's amusing himself by self-deprecatingly telling cop Muriel that if they throw the cuffs on him and word him a bit ("you just say 'blah blah blah...''), he'll order in no time.

I'm sure there's more but that's what I've noticed so far. 😊

[eulogium-red]

i'd like to see more of the theme of "family" in overwatch. we see it a lot with ana & fareeha, ram & zen, brig/torb/rein/bastion, genji & hanzo. but those are the obvious ones between playable characters. the ones that are much more clearly written on the wall, even once-in-a-blue-moon players could pick up on. much else is hardly focused on despite how much family (or a lack thereof) has shaped many of the character's lives & identities for better or for worse

i don't like how martina & the unnamed reyes kid are only mentioned in passing, despite gabriel himself visiting often unannounced. clearly they were an important part of his life. clearly, family is an important part of his life — i'm very willing to wager that small passage about the death of his parents in declassified was written very intentionally. his complicated relationship with death, and how it was further affected by his own "death," & how he's now in some warped reversed position with his new family. but we don't get much more than a few voice lines about martina (is she even mentioned by name in-game orrr am i not remembering?)

i want to see how ashe manages the gang throughout the second omnic crisis. or perhaps we could see her mannerisms slightly change with bob. maybe instead of standing side-by-side with him as she is in the reunion cinematic, she puts herself more between him & potential unrealised threats. or maybe she subtly tries to nudge him under awnings whenever she spots ufos, weary they're housing subjugators — little things that are very intentional. maybe her demeanor tilts ever so slightly from confident but guarded, to guarded but confident.

i want to get a better picture of the role sam english played in fareeha's life just from playing the game, especially after ana's presumed death. i want to know more about their relationship other than the christmas dinner they had. i wonder how many players just assume fareeha's father died young, or assume the writers didn't care to write one at all? for a long time, i thought the former. i wonder what sam thinks of some of fareeha's closest friends — has he met cole & angela? what does he think of helix? we hardly even see fareeha's native heritage expressed other than the two skins off the top of my head

what about cassidy & echo? i know this is a more implied one, but cassidy was the first one to nurture her "childlike intelligence." even today, he guides her — he encouraged her to help winston&co at paris when he was still on the fence. one of the cutest things for me is her enthusiastically shouting "hello winston!" mid-battle, presumably not long after cassidy told her to say hi. she probably would've either way, but i also don't want to discredit the role cassidy has had on her development & i really do want to see more of them

or, speak of the devil, how winston views everyone at overwatch as family. how in watchpoint: gibraltar's 1st defense spawn, you can see the little beds he set up for lena and mei, how you can read an email as proof he got the blankets from a small kids blanket business. the way he keeps photos of the gang, years later. how vehemently protective he was of all their locations. i wish we could see it reciprocated a little more, i wish we could see individual sleeping areas for other heroes as the story progresses, or more items on his desk. & that's not even getting into hammond

& i don't think i can have a family post without mentioning dad 76 or how i desperately want to see benicio being the best supportive dad for lúcio more but honestly i'm getting pretty sleepy so either i'll add more later or someone can add more.

depending how you stretch the definition of family here, it can include other dynamics too. baptiste finding a new sense of belonging in the new overwatch, or mei braving the antarctic to not let her team's death go in vain & to help people who can still be helped — from jiayi and her team still on mars, to the people who now need her help on earth. i'd also argue hana's squad in korea. what are niran's siblings up to? are we gonna see more of efi & orisa? moreover, how are all these non-playable side character characters handling the invasion? i guess we got some texts between lena and emily

family is such a powerful motivator, but can also be really complicated, as seen with the amaris and shimadas + kiriko, i wish we got a similar amount of investment some other places too

a major theme of overwatch is moving towards the future, progressing in some way. & that looks different for everyone depending on their emotional readiness to do that, and what they view "progression" as. so it makes sense a lot of characters don't look back on those they lost along the way so much, at least not too openly (zarya comes to mind), but that's what can make their present relationships with others that much more worth preserving & seeing

probably an impossible ask of a game feeling the effects of layoffs that's primarily focused on pvp/bp/shop items but ykn

thank u for coming to my tedtalk

[max1461]

I think the straightforward truth is that literary criticism has value for the same reason video games or DnD or whatever have value: people enjoy them and that's enough. I don't buy the argument that lit crit is really vitally important for making the world a better place (except insofar as people want to do lit crit, so them getting to do it makes their lives better) or solving political problems or whatever.

Yes, you can complain that society spending its resources on lit crit is therefore immoral, because there are hungry people to feed instead. But of course if you were going to make this argument you would also have to complain about the immorality of spending our societal resources on video games and so on, which STEM nerd lit crit dislikers rarely seem to do, otherwise I think you're being hypocritical.

For my part I think that probably convincing people to give up all their worldly pleasures to help the poor is not feasible, and in light of that it's cool that lit crit and video games and so on exist, because people like those things. And ideally enough progress can be made in uplifting the poor (either within or without our current economic system) that these kinds of trade-offs become a memory of the distant past, and I'll be able to endorse frivolous public funding of the humanities or million dollar blockbuster video games or whatever with no caveats. Because I'm not that worried about optimization, and as long as all the mouths are fed I don't care so much about society "wasting money" on fun.

At present I can probably only endorse these things provisionally and selfishly: first off I like video games, and I like reading media analysis, so I'm glad they exist. And second off, it's not like the money that goes to humanities departments would be going to feed the global poor anyway, it would be going somewhere else which I'd naively wager would be either equally frivolous in this narrow sense (pure math, econ, paleontology) or actively harmful (weapons development). Maybe not, who knows. Anyway I'm not terribly aggrieved that it's going to the humanities instead. If the alternative really was feeding starving people I would support that in a heartbeat, but it isn't.

And, as I said, hopefully in the socialist future we'll be able to waste all the money on humanities and non-essential sciences and cool video games that we want. One can dream.

[animasola86]

Boggarts/Patronus Headcanons

After reading @sunnyrealist's post I was inspired to think about possible Boggart and Patronus options for our boy:

Sebastian's biggest fear

- either losing his sister/seeing her dying/dead or seeing Solomon scolding and yelling at him or ending up all alone (so many dark options for that poor boy, my god! And I'm kind of glad we didn't get to see such a scene... then again, he gets pretty close to seeing his biggest fears come true, yet another reason to GIVE THIS BOY A HUG GODDAMNIT!) On a lighter note: falling into the lake? He mentions that in those unused voicelines...

(A note on Boggarts: what a weird concept imo! I mean, sure, kids usually have easier fears like they're afraid of spiders or bugs or certain animals or their grandma or teachers, i.e. people, and then casting Riddikulus on those things and turning them into something funny would be as easy, but what if you are afraid of heights or losing family members? Would you just feel the fear instead of seeing it? And how would you make that funny? Imagine a safety net below you? Realizing your dead loved one is just sleeping? All a little abstract (and quite macabre to have the whole class witness your lowest point like that). Makes sense to teach that to younger kids whose fears are easier to repel I guess.)

Sebastian's Patronus

- I agree with the HC that it would be a fox (look at @yoshitsuno's art and @cursedonyx (who went a step further and made his animagus form a fox) - I just think it fits. Foxes are sly and cunning, but also playful and mischievous. (And so freaking cute and isn't he too? XD)

Sebastian's happiest memory

- that is a really tough one considering there is not much happiness in his life, at least before he meets MC, so I'd say either meeting or becoming friends with MC or probably seeing that memory with them where he sees Isidora getting rid of her father's pain (what a flare of hope for him that must have been!). Looking at the time before meeting MC, it could also be him becoming the Crossed Wands champion or something other Hogwarts related, maybe hanging out with Anne and Ominis in the Undercroft, but I'd wager that wouldn't be nearly powerful enough to repel a Dementor since those memories would be tainted now.

[ General Sebastian Sallow Headcanons ] [ 🔞 NSFW Sebastian Sallow Headcanons ]

[autistichalsin]

Shippy Halsin/Origins moments, part 1: Lae'zel

I'm starting with Lae'zel because, sadly, she and Halsin have vanishingly little together. They have (2) party banters together, total, and very few of their one-one-interactions, I.E. in Origin Lae'zel runs, offer anything different than a Tav would. That said, there are a very few interactions I can pull shippiness from!

In the ending, if Origin Lae'zel is on the Orpheus path and chooses to fly off to the astral plane, Halsin will say: fly on, Lae'zel. May the Oak Father preserve you and guide you true.

Even if she's not of his world, he still hopes his deity will protect her. :)

If Lae'zel stays loyal to Vlaakith after the confrontation, Halsin says: Your loyalty stands to you, Lae'zel. I can only hope Vlaakith recognises it as I do.

Your queen's words have set your mind then, Lae'zel? I would not wish to be the one that Vlaakith unleashes you upon.

He believes in her, even on her evil path, and he admires her strength and skill in combat.

Similarly, if Lae'zel decides to turn against Vlaakith instead here: So, it seems that Vlaakith is your queen no longer, Lae'zel. That took no small amount of backbone.

He admires her, quite a bit.

When getting to know Halsin in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, Lae'zel, as with the other Origins, has a line unique to her.

For Lae'zel, the line is: I despise sunsets, slow wits - and small talk.

To which Halsin responds: Luckily there's nothing small about getting to know someone like you. There's little occasion for frivolity in nature - I can appreciate your stance... even if others do not.

Halsin very rarely responds negatively even to blatant insults. Here, though, he not only doesn't mind it, but he outright states his respectfulness of her and her boundaries. Despite having just said he wanted to know her like she wanted to know him, he is willing to back off when she says she doesn't want it to veer into small talk, and instead affirms her worth as a person (basically saying it's not small talk when it's her) and that it's valid to not enjoy more than the necessities of conversation.

This is a level of insightfulness and respect that a lot of the other companions don't give Lae'zel; they will either be angry at her attitude or try to get her to lighten up. Halsin just respects that this is who she is, even if he would like to talk to her casually. It speaks to Halsin's fluidity and adaptability in social situations that make him well-suited as a romantic partner to many different kinds of people, and while Lae'zel may be scornful of most- and definitely would scorn Halsin's diplomacy-first approach- I could see her slowly beginning to respect Halsin's attitude in turn. Unfortunately, though, that has to stay a theoretical, because in canon, almost every line that implies something between them is from Halsin to her, not vice-versa.

Here is one of the two party banters they share:

Halsin: Such hoarding of wealth. A tomb for riches that could be put to better use.

Lae'zel: I've heard the same said of bears - the kind you take the shape of. They hoard, gorge, and hibernate through hard times.

Halsin: True... but only until the thaw, then life goes on. This gold may never see daylight again, while others go cold and hungry.

Halsin doesn't act offended here, though he would have every right to be (in fact, he reacts calmly whenever someone pushes back against his nature metaphors and such). Instead, he calmly states his position to her.

Also, this is probably reaching (but when the content is this sparse, I kind of have to, right?) but one gets the feeling a Githyanki wouldn't exactly know a lot about bears normally. Maybe she asked the companions for information about bears to learn more about Halsin?

Their other party banter is, uh... well. THAT one.

Lae'zel: You've quite the appetite, Halsin. I'd wager you've bedded more of your foes than you've felled.

Halsin: Hmm. A challenging sum. The chimera has three heads... but does it still count as one?

Lae'zel: Must have been a challenging kill.

Halsin: Kill... yes.

The openness in sexual conversation is interesting, because both are far more unashamed about sex than normal; Lae'zel because of her culture and Halsin because of his Druidic beliefs. This causes Lae'zel to show no mercy in slut-shaming Halsin, and Halsin to be equally unusual in taking absolutely no offense to it, calmly responding to her question by... sharing a story one gets the feeling few others would want to share, I.E. bedding a chimera. (Well, either bedding it, or lying about it to troll Lae'zel, which would also be entertaining).

Interestingly, this conversation is all about the juxtaposition of sex and violence. While we all know Lae'zel prefers her lust as dessert after bloodlust, Halsin enjoys regular lust, but seems open to mixing it with violence (bedding more of his foes than he's felled). Which would seem to indicate he would be open to Lae'zels... preferred courtship.

And indeed, one of the few bits of reciprocation we see from Lae'zel is when discussing her thirst for Halsin. I.E. if another player character asks her for an open relationship with Halsin, she says: Undoubtedly. Arms like tree trunks, chest broad as an ocean[...]

And after recruiting him: Halsin's proved himself a fine ally already. He'll be useful in battle, If those tree-trunk arms are an indication.

Lastly, though it's not nearly as fun as some other reactions, they do, of course, react if the other is kidnapped by Orin, and it at least indicates good feelings to each other.

Lae'zel: Orin thinks Halsin's abduction is an ultimatum to kill Gortash. Foolish woman - as if I needed more reason than I already had.

This is actually quite a lot of positive emotion considering it's Lae'zel of all people saying this. It indicates she is NOT happy Halsin's been taken, even if she acts aloof about it.

And, lastly, to finish up this tragically short meta, is Halsin's reaction for Lae'zel being kidnapped by Orin: Will Orin truly free Lae'zel if we slay Gortash? I am not so sure... a rescue may be in order.

He wants to save her. :)

Yeah, that just about sums up how little I can piece together, try as I might. I WANT there to be a lot for them because I adore them together and want to have something to point to, but sadly, really, all we got is "Lae'zel's down bad" and "Halsin really respects her boundaries as a person who doesn't like to talk much." Not a lot to go on, but it could be a lot worse!

One post down, five more to go. :) Next up will be Halsin/Wyll.

[glamrockraybot]

(NOT A "<character> is a robot" POST)

Honestly my favourite current theory for fnaf is that the mimic (who is probably not burntrap but may be glitchtrap) is intending to recreate the events of the William Afton Era™️ to a T, as it was built to mimic by....someone? I mean someone had to build it right.

Anyway I'm gonna lightly explain my reasoning for each of these even though I'm sure most of you have already made these connections before

I mean, we all heard the Vanessa theories already yeah? Not even mentioning her visual similarities to Elizabeth, I think either her or Michael could fit. Both of them were loyal to their father at some point (I don't know why else Michael would go into the Sister location bunker) and they both played significant roles in the story. I think if this was the case I'd wager Vanessa was *supposed* to be Elizabeth, but after breaking free she became more like Michael and hellbent on destroying the glitchtrap virus for good (maybe with a little bit of fire). I could understand arguments for Glamrock Freddy being Michael (even aside from him *literally* being Michael) but I didn't include any of the glamrocks because they serve a narrative purpose already as animatronics.

Gregory is. Obvious. I mean with how similar they look its already sort of suspicious, though Gregory is a little bit more of a fighter than CC. They at the very least share a connection with bear robots. I could see an argument for Gregory being Michael (God is Michael just every character?) But for visual similarities alone I picked CC.

Cassie was theorized from day one to be Cassidy or Charlie or both. I personally learn more towards Charlie but because of Something in hw2 I may be more willing to accept her as the vengeful spirit. I know Charlie doesn't always equal green but Cassie does have specks of green throughout her design, and she seems to be a very kind and caring friend (maybe too kind). Roxy being protective over her near the end is, well, a loose connection to the security puppet but I thought I'd bring it up.

For cassidy I can see this since if Gregory is CC, obviously cassidy and him would most likely talk and maybe be friends. In the picture that is from the logbook which might be cassidy they share a similar hair style. Not identical but, similar. Though I miss Cassie's curly hair </3

Mimic is probably the most obvious connection. William is like. The only human murderer from the original story, so you know, if the mimic is trying to kill people it's safe to say they are probably mimicking him. Though clearly they are not above mimicking other people (Gregory) in order to do this, sort of like what I imagine the funtimes did. I don't necessarily think they are acting like they did in the books where they are just carrying out an order to disassemble mechs, because if they were WHYyyy the need to lure people down there? Hey man I don't think that person you tricked into climbing down here is an endoskeleton I think that's a fucking person. This seems much more malicious, something that would make sense if they based their actions off of a killer from the 80s.

Also I guess Cassie's dad is worth a mention, who may be a parallel with Henry Emily or even Charlie herself. I'm leaning more towards Henry but I could see a case for it. I guess he can always be Michael. Because as much as I like fan interpretations of him he's sort of. Just Like. There. You know to be a foil to his dad.

Anyway I hope this was interesting, or rage inducing. And no I don't like the idea of them being robots of the character ❤️

[deramin2]

All Clothes Are Handmade

As a sewist with access to a lot of fancy commercial-grade equipment, I think about this a lot. People have this idea that there's a lot of automation in making clothes, that robots do most of the work. They do not. Very low-wage humans do.

The machines can make fancy stitches, but they can't guide them. Cloth takes fine dexterity and constant adjustments to work with. Any sewist who's tried to sew a straight line but had their thoughts stray know how fast it goes tits up. The 2+ pieces need to be carefully pinned together (expert sewists can use very few pins, but still need some), and then carefully guided and managed so they stay exactly together as the same tension without wrinkles. And if there's any kind of curve, it takes great skill to do all of that while turning at precisely the right angle at the right time while keeping everything together. And then a human has to detect the end and change the stitch appropriately to secure the ends.

And then there's fabric management. A the front the fabric bunches in your lap and tries to fall down at weird angles. At the back in bunches up and tries to pull at weird angles. So you're constantly having to manage where all that fabric is going that you aren't currently sewing. And if you're sewing in the round (like putting on a sleeve), you have to manage bringing the back around to the front. All of this twists the entire garment, which has to be managed even when most of it is sitting next to you. In home sewing this is sometimes a 2-person job.

A machine cannot do any of that that. Automating clothing manufacturing is a holy grail people have been working on for a couple hundred years and are nowhere close to achieving. It takes the kind of very precise and constant adjustment with a sharp mind and keen eye that humans are very good at and machines are very bad at. Machines only sew in straight lines.

But people look at fast fashion prices and assume robots must be making their clothes. But they aren't. Highly skilled human beings in horrific work conditions at breakneck speed and brutal hours are being paid pennies to make even the cheapest and most low-quality garment. The entire commercial and consumer chain has simply dehumanized them into "must be robots."

This red swimsuit is selling for $10.99 from Walmart. It probably cost $2-$3 to produce.

This striped swimsuit is selling for Beefcake Swimwear for $99. This is the fair price for a swimsuit made with ethical labor.

Beefcake is a small Portland, Oregon company that uses local labor, local materials, and doesn't have a high markup. They cost $49 to manufacture (maybe more now with inflation). (With business expenses, trust me that margin is really slim.) Beefcake talks about "The real cost of American-made swimwear." Half the cost to produce is labor costs. I'd wager half the cost of the fabric is also labor costs. This is why clothing isn't typically made in the US, except using prison labor that's pretty literally slavery.

This is the true cost of a product that attempts to not exploit its workers. It's a luxury most people can't afford because the entire labor market exploits workers to the point of being unable to afford anything but exploitative goods and services. Fast fashion has convinced people they greatly benefit from supporting the worst of that exploitation.

These swimsuits were made on similar machines with similar materials by people with similar skill. The same degree of automation went into both of them. But the Walmart manufacturer sewists got paid less than a dollar to make that one and live in abject poverty, and the Beefcake sewists got paid $22, which is livable.

But robots didn't make either of these. human hands did. Human hands made every single piece of clothing in your closet. Think of how to cherish and care for their work.

[theonceandfuturequeenoftarts]

(Late) Happy Monday!

In some random scenario, some magical mayhaps of a happenstance, Harry has to bake Voldemort a cake. Maybe it's out of goodwill, maybe it's the secret to the dark lord's destruction. What cake do you think he'd bake? Would he put effort in? I'd wager Harry at least knows what a crumbcoat is, having lived under Petunia's roof.

Don't know how this ask came to mind, but it's lighthearted and silly.

Well wishes :)

It's almost two months late (I'm sorry @known-concepts) but it's once again Monday, so I thought I'd give this a shot. Thank you for the ask! <3

(If anything doesn't fit with canon, like where Harry spent the sixth year winter holidays -- please ignore it)

Harry's been spending a little too much time thinking about Voldemort lately thanks to his trips into pensieve memories, and now he knows the snake-man's birth date, and Harry knows how much receiving birthday gifts from other people has meant to him. So, he decides to bake Voldemort a birthday cake.

(He briefly debates poisoning or cursing the cake, but 1. Voldemort would probably have wards to detect things like that, paranoid berk that he is, and 2. it will be all the more unnerving if there's nothing wrong with the cake. Psychological warfare but make it delicious.)

He decides on a chocolate cake, as dark as he can make it, with thick raspberry jam between the layers and a chocolate ganache frosting. Maybe he can kill Voldemort with rich, chocolaty flavour. "Death by chocolate" is a thing, right?

The house elves are overjoyed when he comes down to the kitchens and ply him with foods of all kinds. At first, they try to insist on letting them bake the cake for him, but once they realise how firm he is on the subject, they set him up with a station and all of the ingredients he needs. (He'd tried to tell them he could do it himself, but the elves were already on edge from his refusal of their help; he gives in and lets them bring him the ingredients when a couple burst into tears.)

Harry bakes three eight-inch circular layers, the cocoa in them so dark the cakes are almost black. He spreads the jam generously between the layers, does a thin layer of frosting to hold the crumbs down, and then dumps the still-warm ganache over the cake, letting it run down the sides in heavy drips. The slight sheen and dark chocolate make it look a bit like an oil slick.

Harry dithers on what to put on the cake, because he's not exactly happy Voldemort was born, given all the pain and suffering he's caused, but Harry's bothering to make a cake, so he's not exactly unhappy either. But "[complicated feelings] birthday to you" is a little weird, and also won't fit on a cake, probably. He could leave it blank, he supposes. But no.

This is how Harry ends up sending an almost-black, shiny cake with the word "BIRTH" written in blood-red frosting on it to Voldemort for his birthday.

The wordless, hissing confusion (along with a very small, very buried, very mortified bit of happiness) he feels through their connection later that night make it all worth it.

[orbdweaver]

One subtle thing about Nemona that stood out to me: there’s this moment, around the 4th gym or so, where she runs up to you and apologizes profusely that she can’t battle you yet because her team isn’t balanced right yet or something

It’s a Funny Moment because

1) I’m not the one itching to battle; she is. She doesn’t need to apologize this much, it’s fine lol.

2) I’m not picky with opponents. I’ll happily fight her team in whatever wack-ass state it’s in. She’s fretting over an imaginary problem.

At the time, I wondered if it was like an honor student thing. Maybe Nemona's the kind of person who, inspired by the genuine skill, kindness, & dedication of those around her, grinds herself into a pulp trying to live up to that imagined standard.

That pressure is ENTIRELY self-imposed. If any of the adults she looks up to noticed this anxiety spiral, they’d tell her to relax, it’s fine, you’re doing too much as is and we’re proud of you no matter what, we promise. And they’d mean it, sincerely. Which of course would just make it worse, because “oh no, they’re even kinder than I thought they were, much kinder than I am, I need to work even harder to become as kind as them”.

Anyway, having completed the game, I think all of that is still *an element*. Nemona is a rich kid, student council president, honor student, and particularly close with the kindest & most influential adults in the country. The writers didn’t make her those thing on accident.

What I hadn’t picked up on was, the thing that was eating at Nemona the most was probably that she was worried she was fumbling her chance to make you her friend

Nemona, explicitly, has a weird autistic hyperfixation on Pkmn battling. Nobody else her age does. So her only real friends are adults, who, with the wisdom of age, are able to appreciate her idiosyncrasies, and know how to direct them toward something positive.

But they don't share them, as far as Nemona can tell. It’s hard to tell if someone Gets It or is just navigating around It, especially when they keep treating it as a means rather than an end.

Then you come along, showing a hint of sharing her Niche Special Interest, and she thinks “at last, this is my chance, I can make someone else Get It”.

So she tries to give you a guided tour, basically.

Nemona is already champion-rank; she is deliberately holding back & using a weak team so she can do the gym challenge alongside you. She isn’t worried her team is too weak. She’s worried her team isn’t properly tuned to give you the experience she wants you to have.

She's trying to streamline the process of you falling in love with this thing she likes. Which is of course a self-defeating effort.

The adults in Paldea are all hilariously hands-off. I think it’s fair to say that Nemona lacking a Nemona of her own is part of what helped her develop her weird special interest. The adventure of crawling thru a thorn bush is part of the fun. (I'd wager this is the ethos behind the school's mostly-unsupervised treasure hunt.)

And to her credit, I think Nemona knows this. She’s trying not to weird you out; she doesn’t want you to know she’s following you around. She *certainly* doesn’t want you to know how much she’s tying herself in knots over this, trying to determine how much contact is appropriate. She's attempting the impossible task of trying to suss out how someone is feeling without interacting or being fully honest with them, because doing either might make you think she's weird.

The arc ends appropriately anticlimactically. Of course you like the game; that’s why you started playing it. Nemona was fretting over nothing. All she had to do was consistently be there for you while you grew into what you were going to be. Which she did.

[growingingreenwood]

Idk if you've already wrote about it somewhere here, but do you know how thranduil (and also ferdan and galion) would've reacted to celebrian and her kidnapping?

I'd wager they were pretty rocked by everything that happened, seeing hoe close they were with her and having memories of mereneth wouldn't help at all.

P.s. i truly like how thranduil and elrond seemed to kinda bond together after all this and at least get more civil with each other... I rlly like that thranduil went over their differences to show some support to elrond in this very difficult time for him...

I haven't written about this particular topic yet, actually! I think that Thranduil would have had a hard time deciding whether he should be Furious and Devastated, or Devastated and Furious, but either way he would have probably been borderline hysterical when he learned everything that had happened to her and how badly she was doing. 

Devastated because that CELEBRIAN. Sweet, gentle, loving, light filled Celebrian. That’s his little cousin, the one he’s watched and cheered as she grew from a secluded and shy young elf to the Lady of Imladris. The one he taught to dance, to spar, and to defy her mother. He loves her, so deeply. Even the thought of what the Orcs did to her was enough to make him literally sick at first. It didn’t make sense, how could anyone or anything be so cruel to a soul like Celebrians? 

Furious because, well, did the Noldor learn NOTHING about what happened to his wife and his people? The other Elven realms really, genuinely, heard every single one of his warnings about the growing evil spreading further to the lands, that they needed to take more precautions to keep their loved ones safe, that this was not a time of peace like they thought. Furious because they didn’t listen to him; and it wasn’t even them that paid the price for it. Not really. It was Celebrian. Poor, sweet, gentle, loving Celebrian.

I think that Galion and Ferdan’s reactions would have been similar, but Ferdan with more furiousness and Galion with more devastation. 

Also as you said, the memories and thoughts of what happened to Mereneth would have been brought to the forefront of their lives and minds for quite some time after hearing about Celebrian/going to visit her. Which would have added an entirely new and excruciating level to the entire thing. I also think that this is probably what kept Thranduil from taking any of his anger out on Elrond for not insisting that Celebrian take additional guards when she left on her trip. He had been so vividly reminded about how painful losing Mereneth was that Thranduil couldn’t bring himself to do anything that might make it any worse for Elrond.

Besides, Thranduil had also been reminded how viciously he had blamed himself for Meteneth’s death within his own mind for hundreds of years after she had passed. He didn’t need to add to the chorus that was undoubtedly already ringing in Elrond's head. So while Thranduil’s first response was mixed, I think the moment he entered Imladris all of his anger faded and left him with nothing but sadness, a resolution to do what little he could to make the situation better, and a deep, aching loneliness that hurt down to his bones.

[caffeine-clouds]

What Your Favourite Sonic Ship Says About You! (Part 1)

(Sonamy, Sonadow, Sonally) FULL DISCLAIMER: Shipping is a hot topic of debate, but this post is lighthearted fun! I'm a multi-shipper, I love most of these ships - and I can see why some people like the dynamics that I might not. This is not a bashing post, this is fun time. So, without further ado- Sonamy

You appreciate the simpler things in life. You decided to ship the protagonist with the main girl character just like 90% of all media writers, it's just what you're comfortable with. In terms of fanfiction tropes, do you happen to enjoy childhood sweethearts, meet-cutes, soulmates - that type of thing? I just had a feeling... Either way, you're just here for the cute vibes and the pining - and who can blame you? You probably really liked the fact that when you first came across the ship that it was the girl of the pair being the one so forward with her romantic feelings. But as time has gone on - you're either one of those people that really miss that side of Amy, or you're one of those that are so dang grateful they've toned her down. Either way, it's safe to say that this is one of the most vanilla of Sonic ships - and that's not an insult, vanilla is a good ice cream flavour. But no one is really going to fight you on your opinion other than the 5% of remaining toxic Sonally shippers, and those people that are somehow still living in the Sonic Heroes era. Sonadow

You saw that Sonic and Shadow's rivalry has been going on for far longer than 7 years, so it must be gay - and honestly, I can't fault your logic. You're a sucker for two disasters who can't express their feelings, and you have just determined that fighting is simply their love language. Even with Shadow's limited screen time in Prime, you suck every single dang crumb you're given like a vacuum. And by the way, you definitely have an Ao3 account - don't try and hide it. We already know you're a sucker for enemies/rivals to lovers... and I'd also wager you enjoy just-one-bed. Also you like that thing where characters constantly call each other by a nickname, and only end up calling them by their actual name during a confession scene or when one of the characters is seriously injured. I dunno, just had a hunch you'd like that sort of thing. You are debating between two sides of yourself - part of you wants Shadow's old characterization back where he was a more in-depth character and showed Sonic more respect, but part of you also loves how so damn obsessive Shadow is in modern games over Sonic and how much he wants to fight him - because that at least implies that Sonic is on Shadow's mind literally most of the time. But when all is said and done, this is vanilla when it comes to gay ships in the Sonic community. It's too damn easy, it's why it's the most popular Sonic ship on Tumblr. This ship was made for the LGBTQ+ community. Sonally

Opposites attract is your go-to, and it's been tried and tested - the formula works, I see it. You strike me as the person who really cares about canon material, and you tend to steer away from a lot of fanon. I also have a strong feeling you're a Sonic fan that's on the older side, back when SatAM and Archie were at their peak and considerably more popular. It's a ship with all the things you need to be happy - the characters have a deep, long-lasting bond, it's a sweet ship, and the two have constrasting personalities - so it doesn't get stale for you. You're probably into similar tropes as the Sonamy shippers - but you enjoy more drama and spice to your fanfics, and you won't shy away from angst - Archie loved its angst, I know you enjoyed that shit. You're either content with all the Sonally content you've gotten over the years, and will occassionally look at fanarts. Or you're one of those people who will not let the Archie comics go, you are still in denial - you are begging for Sally's return into the series and you're hoping now that Ian Flynn is writing for the games, that your dreams might just become a reality.

[that-ari-blogger]

One Last Hurrah (I'm Not That Girl (Reprise), As Long As You're Mine)

Those who are familiar with my blog will know that I don't particularly agree with the concept of genre. I think it is restrictive, and the dynamicism of storytelling makes it less important for writers than the general public is aware for.

Wicked backs up my claim, I think. The opening number is a booming epic that Glinda switches to a more quiet tragedy, at which point the first act becomes a love story set in a boarding school. The second act mirrors this, slightly, crashing in with a full scale war that Glinda again pushes back to a love story. That same love story and love triangle then takes precedent in act two. Until it abruptly doesn't.

As Long As You're Mine is the finale of the romance arc of this story, and it centres around enjoying the life you have before change takes effect. Although, the romance is a love triangle, Elphaba and Fiyero get a song, but Glinda? Where does her romance end?

With Elphaba. The love story of this musical ends with Glinda thinking of Elphaba.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD: (Wicked, Dead Poet Society)

"Don't wish, don't start Wishing only wounds the heart There's a girl I know He loves her so I'm not that girl"

Well gee, this looks familiar.

This is an interesting case of thematic association. Because on it's own, I'm Not That Girl (Reprise) isn't really that important or interesting. It's a nice melody about unrequited love, which is heartfelt and everything, but not really saying much.

But the word's "on it's own" are doing a lot of heavy lifting in that paragraph. This song is the reprise of an earlier number by the same name, and that means all of the meaning from that song gets carried over to this, and it gets to give its own take on those themes, which is interesting.

In the internet world of oversimplification and memes, one will probably come across the idea that teachers overanalyse things. The "the curtains are blue because he likes the colour blue" joke. The weird thing is, this joke is correct, but it misses the point entirely.

Yes, overanalysing media is exactly what folks like me do. Technically, you don't need to engage with anything more than the baseline of what you have been shown. If your takeaway from blue curtains is that the owner likes the colour blue, go for it, nobody is stopping you, and that is perfectly reasonable. The key, is that that approach is not inherently more or less valuable than an overanalytical one.

I will wager that blue curtains will evoke a certain emotion in you. Maybe they are a deep blue, like the night just before dawn, giving you a tired, more chill vibe. Maybe they are much lighter, like the sky, giving a more youthful atmosphere. Or maybe they do not match with the rest of the room at all, to comedic or unsettling effect.

The point I am making is that subtext exists, and you don't have to dwell on it, but its a vital part of how communication works. It's also usually a majour factor in engagement. So, at the very least, acknowledging it will help you understand why you do or don't like certain stories.

Once again, I turn to PBS's Wicked In Concert and recommend the versions of these songs from that. This version of I'm Not That Girl (Reprise) is sung by Gabrielle Ruiz, and is really good.

For the moment, however, I'd like to conduct a thought experiment. Imagine that Wicked is actually happening. This is a world where people spontaneously break into song and this isn't weird.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to make up a song once, let alone mimic a song that you were not present for?

In universe, there is only two ways Glinda would know this song. Either she overheard Elphaba pining, or Elphaba sang it to her. Take that as you will.

Exiting that thought experiment and back into overanalysing things because it is fun. I have another post about I'm Not That Girl and it's thematic implications (link), so check that out if it interests you, it will form a background for what I am saying here.

Essentially, I'm Not That Girl is the Jolene of musical theatre. It is a song about resignation, but it's core idea is this: Elphaba doesn't think of herself as beautiful or deserving of love. The person she associates with those qualities is Glinda herself. The song is essentially a biromantic heartbreak, when both of Elphaba's love interests love each other, and she can't bring herself to break that for either of them. That is the meaning ascribed to this song and these notes.

Now, Glinda sings the same melody, and it is suddenly flipped. She realises she has been outplayed in the romance game, but she can't bring herself to break it apart for either Fiyero, or Elphaba. The audience doesn't need to hear the same song again, just the highlight reel to let them know that these same emotions are being felt.

The song then cuts off, and is replaced by a much more active, much more passionate number, As Long As You're Mine. The meaning of which has been summed up best by my flatmate. "Reject society, bonk in a hedge".

That is kind of the entire point of this song, though, isn't it? Living in the moment in total freedom. It is proof that Elphaba isn't crazy, that there are others who see her dream, and that even if this goes wrong, the story will end with her happy.

Full disclaimer, I am asexual, so I cannot comment on the more intimate subtext of this song. I am aware it is happening, but I would rather stay away from the specific thematic significance of that, if that is ok.

The transition of this song comes through that repeated low note. It is hammered, like a war drum, and it drives home that urgency and collision of the two plots. This is the moment in which the musical goes from a romance to an epic, and that rhythm is a threat of what is to come.

Although it is notable that the swaying melodies of Elphaba and Fiyero overpower this drum, their love holding off the inevitable. Specifically, the instrument hitting the note changes from a piano to what my, admittedly lacking, musical knowledge thinks is a bass guitar. (Music scholars, please correct me on any of this). That change means that the heavy beat becomes distorted and stretched, as if time is stretching out.

"And just for this moment As long as you're mine I've lost all resistance And crossed some borderline. And if it turns out It's over too fast I'll make every last moment last As long as you're mine."

Would you look at that, there is even explicit lines in the song about stretching time out and seizing the day. Carpe Diem.

Dead Poet Society is one of the greatest films ever made, and that isn't just my Robin Williams bias speaking. Despite some elements that haven't aged well, the film is truly heart wrenching and has a meaning pretty similar to As Long As You're Mine.

As a side note, this film has a lot more similarities to Wicked than you think. It's about challenging unjust rules, and forging your own path. It's a film about personal freedom, essentially. Although it ends less than happily. It also has about the same amount of queer subtext as Wicked.

In any case, the central thematic of "Carpe diem, seize the day" tells its characters and its students to take life as it is, and live it to the fullest. It is about making the most out of limited time. Quite a lot like As Long As You're Mine.

The ending of Dead Poet Society is a tragedy. It ends with the death of a student and the loss of the teacher's job. But it also ends with hope. Things change in Dead Poet Society. The Latin teacher shifts up his lesson, the boys actually learn, and the "Oh captain, my captain" scene is synonymous with looking at the past and making the future better because of, and in spite of it.

That's a familiar ending, isn't it. The main character dies, and the people in their life resolve to make the world better because of the life they lived. In Wicked, the death isn't permanent, because this is a gospel and no main character in a gospel can ever stay dead for more than a few days.

That motif of making time last is reflected in the music as well. Each stanza has a squash and stretch thing going on with the formation. The triplet brings the three notes within together and plays them faster than is normal, making them feel like they are stumbling over each other, falling forwards, until that held note at the end evens out the pace. Things are moving quickly, but it is a conscious decision. to slow down.

Those held notes also create a feeling of clarity in the music. Once again, music knowledge ain't my forte, but to me, this seems like it is working in a similar fashion to key frame animation. Each held note is the crux of the phrase, and the rest is just making up the difference.

Which means that there is a neat little progression going on here. The first phrase, "kiss me too fiercely" contains two, a B flat on "fierce" and an octave fall to another B flat on "ly", as Elphaba tries to fly away, but is brought back down. Then there is the F on "tight", and the E flat on the latter third of "believing", before the stanza links back to B flat for "tonight".

This, according to google, forms a B flat chord with a suspended fourth, which loops back on itself to form a stable, self-enclosed sentence that descends to keep itself together.

The second phrase operates within the same notes but changes the inflection slightly.

That last note creates an upward inflection to prepare the audience for the chorus, rising into it to set up a crashing theme of power and freedom that... doesn't arrive yet.

Instead, we get the same notes repeated, mostly. It's a quiet moment, an E flat that rises to an F for "borderline", then to a high C for "fast", before resolving back to F and then down to a lower C.

Ok music scholars help me with this please. The sheet music that I have found for this song (link) claims the second part of "fast" is a C flat, which my piano app tells me doesn't exist. Any clarification on this would be really nice.

In short, this is understated, and this isn't the first time we've heard an understated first chorus in a Wicked love song, is it? That's how the first chorus of Defying Gravity sits, before Glinda joins Elphaba and pushes her to new confidence.

Which leads me back to my point. Elphaba relies on other people, she needs Fiyero to comfort her, but also to prove she is right. That's the moment she is cherishing.

When Fiyero joins in, he literally makes the song more hopeful by changing the key signature from E flat majour to C majour. He is more graceful and easy with this. He is the rock that Elphaba is anchored to and that supports her.

As such, that final chorus looks like this:

"Just for this moment. As long as you're mine. Come be how you want to, and see how bright we shine. Borrow the moonlight, until it is through. And know I'll be here holding you. as long as you're mine."

Freedom. Come be how you want to, I'll be there to support you. This is a musical about dreams and reality colliding, and this song is the victory lap of things going well. One small dream has become real, that being the desire for love. And if one is possible, what else can Elphaba do?

On a related note, if Fiyero is the rock that grounds and supports her, what might happen if he is taken away?

FINAL THOUGHTS

Bear with me. Chord analysis is new to me, so if that was completely false, please let me know. As a behind the curtain thing, this blog exists as a place for my hyper fixations to breathe, but also to help me learn more about this whole analytical thing. So, any advice from people who are more knowledgeable than me would be greatly appreciated.

You may note that I didn't talk that much about Fiyero, and there is a reason for that. Honestly, I don't think Fiyero's character in the second act of this musical is that interesting. I'm sure there is lots to talk about with him, but to me, he has been reduced to "love interest for the main character", which I find less captivating as "jock on the verge of an existential breakdown". That's just my opinion.

Next week, I will be looking at No Good Deed, the first true clash of dreams and reality, and Elphaba's breaking point. So stick around if that interests you.

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