#I'll be damned if I ever go back to a dentist though

[cryptidsurveys]

Friday, July 26th, 2024.

Do you ever worry about your future? (i.e.: college, marriage, kids, etc) I try not to dwell on it too much because it feels so daunting and hopeless, but yes, I do have a lot of fears about my future (finances, independence, living situation, deaths of loved ones, general survival…). I lost most of my teens and 20s to what I guess could be considered pretty severe mental illness, so I'm waaay behind where I should be for someone my age. It's only been over the past year or so that I feel like I've made real progress toward getting it together.

Does your family use coasters? Is anyone in your family excessively tidy? I use folded paper towels for drinks at my computer desk, but otherwise, no. Also, no one is excessively tidy, but I do try to keep things reasonably neat.

What’s your least favorite chore to do around the house? Do you have to do this often? Probably anything involving dusting. Idk why. It's not like I don't do the same damn thing at the animal shelter, and a whole heck of a lot more of it.

If you went to your mom/dad or whoever you live with and said “hey, I’ll clean the whole house if you give me 20 bucks” would they go for it? Would you raise the price? My dad and I share our incomes and expenses, so there wouldn't really be any point to that.

Are you usually late, early or right on time? Early.

If you wrote a journal entry about your last date, what would it say? Hmm.

On a scale of 1 to 5 how organized are you? Maybe 2-3.

Name a movie you can watch over and over again and not be bored with? I'm actually not the type of person to repeatedly rewatch movies. Once I know what's going to happen, no matter how much I might love a film, it just makes me feel somewhat bored and restless.

Do you wear pajamas to places other than at your house? Sometimes shopping. They aren't like pajama pajamas, though; it's usually something like sweatpants and a hoodie.

Do you take showers in the morning or at night more? I take them in the mornings, then again when I get home from the shelter.

What is the wallpaper on your cellphone? It's a photo of a dark and cloudy sunrise from yeeears ago.

Do you still have your tonsils? I do.

What is the worst thing someone has ever done to you? Idk.

Have you ever gone nude/streaked in public? No.

Do you snore? Steal the covers? Roll around in your sleep? I've never been told that I snore. Idk if I steal the covers. And my sleep style could be compared to a rotisserie chicken.

Why aren’t you with the person you love? I'm not in love with anyone.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now? Aside from the hoodie, which I put on when I got home, I just returned from a fundraising event for the shelter. You know how I was saying I was socially/emotionally worn out in the last survey? Well, I feel rather rejuvenated now. It was a really nice time. :') Also, maybe I'm too hard on myself when it comes to feeling like I don't belong. Like, there was a speech honoring staff, volunteers, sponsors, etc, and when it got to the staff part, I was clapping for some workers nearby and Marissa was like, "don't clap for me like you don't work here too!" ;D I'll try to post some pictures tomorrow. I'm too tired/lazy to bother with that now.

Do you like the rain? Yesss.

What is your mom listed under in your phone? Mom.

Do you like going to the dentist? No.

Are you afraid of speaking to large audiences? Yeah.

Are you afraid to tell the truth sometimes? Yeah, or to say what I really think/feel. It'd be honest, but probably not productive.

What’s one quality about yourself that you feel sets you back but also helps you? People-pleasing. I feel like it leads to people really liking me in a superficial way, but never really knowing me because I'm just sort of one-dimensional in that regard. I'm always happy/trying to make others happy, refraining from saying anything too real, deep, or controversial, etc. I'm starting to see how it keeps people at a distance and how it's probably part of the reason I have trouble truly connecting with others, but then I'm afraid that if I let my real personality show through, people wouldn't like that either. At least if I remain a people-pleaser, I can blame my defense mechanism. But if I let my guard down and people don't like me, well then what do I do…?!

Was anyone who had been in your company today in a bad mood? Maybe slightly.

The last time you felt sick what exactly was wrong? Migraine.

What did you do today? I was at the animal shelter from around 7am-12pm. Got home, showered, had lunch, took a survey, passed the time with some trash YouTube, had a snack at some point, and went to the event mentioned above.

[its-to-the-death]

Bracket D thoughts:

"This Day Aria" and "The Devil's Song" are both very good, but I ultimately decided I liked the latter more.

Damn, "The Executioner" goes hard. Although I get why it might not win, considering it's going against everyone's favorite revenge ballad.

ALL OF THE VILLAIN SONGS FROM THAT SERIES GO SO HARD, AND THIS IS NO EXCEPTION. I LOVE THIS PETTY PIECE OF SHIT AND HIS JAZZY TUNES.

Screw Hawk Moth, I'm voting for that Voltaire bop. It makes eating brains sound so fun!

Both of these are so good, but I decided to vote for "The Torture Tango" over "It Has To Be This Way" because I love the polyphonics at the end. Also it's one of those songs you appreciate a lot more with context ;)

Damn, I did not expect "Dentist" to have those vibes. I like it though.

"Ready As I'll Ever Be" has Jeremy Jordan singing about justice and I'm a noted sucker for that.

"Holding Out For A Hero" is an amazing cover and it's so gleefully ironic how she's basically rubbing it in everyone's faces that she's won when her downfall is approaching. Also that white guy rapping makes me cringe, sorry.

Watch the ending of "Our Love Is God" live and you'll get it. This is when the mask falls away and it becomes disturbingly clear who JD is and how much danger everyone--even Veronica--is in from him. As far as he's concerned, he's the asteroid and everyone else are the dinosaurs. That ending when he clutches Veronica and she frantically repeats "Our love is god" because she's terrified of what he'll do if she doesn't--fuck yeah. Macavity is also very good, but "Our Love Is God" is just really good narratively.

...Yeah the DK songs have been fun but not that good, sorry.

"A Professional Pirate" is a very fun jam, and also Monika is legally obliged to lose all the time.

WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T LIKE GREEK MYTHOLOGY CYBERPUNK NOIR TO THE TUNE OF "ROCKY ROAD TO DUBLIN." VOTE FOR "FAVORED SON" NOW.

I think my perception of the original has been ruined forever, so I voted for the surprisingly menacing "The Boys Are Back in Town (To Kill You)".

Octavio's beats fucking slap.

...I'm a filthy Homestuck, sue me.

"Cruella De Vil" is so jazzy.

I'm surprised you voted against This Day Aria. That's an MLP classic.

Not the Hawk Moth hate! He needs something after being beat by literal children so many times. I commend the bold move of releasing that song.

I agree that Ready As I'll Ever Be and Dentist are both amazing.

[lilmafk]

3/10/2024

Dear Oscar, first of all, thank you for everything. Good or bad.

Meeting you was a great experience and neither of us really knew what we were getting into.

It was so fun and innocent in the beginning. We we're really just friends and we grew into something more.

You made me think about things that no one ever thought of and opened my mind to the person I am today.

I wasn't the best, I wasn't even close. I will be always be sorry. I can't blame you at all, now that we're older. It didn't matter what you were or weren't doing. I took things too far.

I was raised so fucked up, and it took me losing you to realize a lot of things about myself. Who I am and what I believe in. My principals.

You shaped me and raised me and made me who I am. I cannot thank you enough for the support and the love you gave me. Even when you didn't want to.

You're so much like my Papa it's ridiculous, when I really sit and think about it. You're both Cancer's first of all. LOL

You guys are musicians, artists, philosophers, travelers, chefs, real father's and real men. You guys are both soft spoken but can still be so assertive and aggressive when needed.

You both disciplined me and showed me the world. Showed me different perspectives and different cultures. Different views.

A new way to see and live life and that's going to stick with me forever. That's better than any amount of money or any material item.

I will always have you guys in my heart. Even though you guys are not with me. You guys are me and I am you guys.

I can't believe I've been to Mexico and my kids are living there with you. I can only thank Papa for first opening my mind to the world so that I even felt comfortable going anywhere in the world.

But Mexico is SO beautiful and I don't want to push it away just because I can't have you. I don't want to push you away as a friend just because I can't have you.

Most importantly, I don't want to push the kids away because I can't have you. I am their mother and you helped make me their mom.

I owe you so much. My Papa and my kids.

I will try my best to do right by myself and you guys every day that I'm alive. I'm learning to look at the world in a different way than I did before.

I'm learning to take what you and my grandpa taught me and gave me, and apply it to myself and my kids and my life.

I didn't know what I was doing, at all up until today. Honestly. I was being selfish up until today. I know that now and I'm going to change it.

Maybe I lost my mind, but I'm going to get it back. I'm going to go to school, be a dentist, and have my kids. Have a good life.

Without you, with you, with someone else, or alone.

I know who I am now and what I'm made of. I know what I want and I know I gotta go and get it.

I'm a mother, a damn good mother. I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm nice and I'm loyal. Through all this I learned Loyalty and Respect and Courage.

It's been hard, but I'm ready to get Mina back.

Get her back to her kids.

Thank you. I owe you my life, literally.

I'll see you guys tomorrow!

Hasta manana

[emometalhead]

I hate dentists.

[sammyboyimagines]

keeping secrets...pt 2

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader

Summary: After talking with Eddie in secret, you have your first date with him. After the date goes awry, a nervous Eddie decided to try and salvage it. 1.6k words

Warnings: None!

//hi! so sorry this took so long. I had a lot going on this week! I start college the 22nd so I might not be able to publish something for a couple weeks after! I'll put out some updates!

This is part 2! Part 1:

"Steve, I'm really sorry. I have to leave early tonight," you finished serving the tweens that showed up demanding samples. You fought back a grin as you remembered your conversation with Eddie last week. You had always thought that Dustin's friends were irritating at times, especially during those loud D&D campaigns he would sometimes have in his room. But now that you met Eddie, your opinion changed. 

"Are you serious? I covered for you last week!" Steve whined from the backroom, eating his third banana of the day. You put down your scooper and walk to the back room, nodding at Robin as she takes your place at the register. "Haven't you had enough bananas? We have other fruits." You laugh when he rolls his eyes. "If you cover my shift tonight, I'll clean for you for a month." Steve liked to say he hated his coworkers, but you and Robin knew that wasn't true. 

He put his finger on his chin, pretending to think about your proposition. "Fine, but no more shift covering for the next two weeks, please." He sits down and continues eating. You didn't have time to be worried about your shift. You had a date to get ready for. "Why are you leaving anyway? Got a date?" Steve asked, making you stop in your tracks. Lying never was your strong suit. "No! I have a dentist appointment!" you cringed at your sudden, loud response. Both Robin and Steve flinched. "Damn, someone's mad today. Good luck with your dentist." Steve smirked, knowing exactly what you were up to. 

You brushed him off quickly before leaving work. Thinking about this date for the whole week, you felt butterflies in your stomach just thinking about spending time with him. Little did you know, Eddie felt the exact same way. 

Eddie was in his trailer finding something to wear, his hair soaking wet from the shower he had just taken. "Fuck, nothing looks right!" he threw one of his band shirts onto the floor and sighed. Eddie knew his anger was dramatic. But he truly wanted to look his best for his first date with you. He had kept his promise to you. He hadn't told anyone, even Dustin. A part of him was scared of Dustin's wrath if he ever found out. 

After spending another 10 minutes on his outfit, he fixed his long hair and attempted to stay calm. It wasn't like Eddie to be panicked, yet here he was, worrying about his first date with a girl. Not just any girl, Y/n Henderson. He grabs his guitar and gently places it in the case before slinging it over his shoulder. He was beyond excited, and some of the Hellfire members had picked up on it during the campaign. He had ended it several hours early, it was unusual for him.

"Why are you so happy today? What's going on?" Mike's confusion brought Eddie out of his trance. Eddie had just lost the campaign, yet he was smiling like an idiot. Just 2 hours until his date with you. He just shrugged. "Just got something going on later. Don't worry about it." He smiled and continued packing up his D&D figurines and dice. He glanced over at Dustin, who was still oblivious. He laughed to himself before walking out with him.

He watched your car pull up in the school parking lot. You roll down your window and give him a little wave as he walks to his van, making him wink in return. Nobody suspected a thing, and even though it was difficult to keep it a secret around nosy teenagers, you both enjoyed your limited time together.

You drove to the park you were meeting him at. You walked to a picnic table that was pretty secluded. Hawkins was a small town, if anyone saw, the whole town would know in 2 hours. You brought some ice cream from your work and some snacks. Eddie was in charge of bringing the meal. Normally you'd let him bring the snacks, but you just got off of work. It was obvious from the corny sailor outfit you were wearing.

"Ahoy sailor.." you heard someone say behind you. "Shut up, I just got off of work." you chuckle as Eddie sits on the other side of the table. He put his head in his hand and watched you intently. "I'm just kidding. You look adorable, a little sailor." Despite his teasing, he was telling the truth. He really did think you looked adorable in your work uniform. You handed him the ice cream and he set down a box of pizza. "You know I can't cook. I tried cooking some pasta the other night and practically burned my trailer down." You laughed as you imagined a panicked Eddie trying to clear the smoke out of his trailer from his poor cooking skills.

"Relax, the date is about being with you, I don't care about the food." Eddie tried to contain his smile. At first, he was a little intimidated by your attention. He'd never experienced anything like it. He chose to throw out some jokes to try and play off how absolutely smitten he was by you. "That was really sappy." you laughed and took a slice of pizza. "I opened my heart and this is how you treat me? I should take the pizza and leave." the loud sound of Eddie's laughter became a comfort for you. 

"Don't leave! You'll miss the gift I got for you.." your smile falls. "Hey! I didn't know we were giving gifts! That's not fair.." you were cut off by Eddie shushing you. "Shh! I wanted to surprise you. This date was set up by you AND you left work early for this. You deserve it!" Eddie never understood how you could be so insecure sometimes. He thought you were smart and caring, everything he wasn't.

After spending about 15 minutes eating and talking about whatever came to mind, you felt cool drops of water land on you. "Shit, it's about to rain." you watched Eddie laugh. "Perfect. I'll help you get all of our stuff into the van. We'll have our date in the back if you want to?" Eddie didn't want to do anything you weren't comfortable with. He didn't get an answer from you because it suddenly started to pour rain. He followed you as you grabbed your snacks and everything else and ran to his van.

You jumped into the back and sat down, pushing aside the dirty clothes and trash. Eddie's face turned bright pink as he frantically shoved the clothing and trash away from you. "Sorry, I wasn't really expecting a pretty girl in my van." you rolled your eyes at his flirting. "Eh, I've seen worse messes in Dustin's room." Eddie had grown to love your smile. Almost every time he talked to you, his main goal was to make you smile. So when he saw you look out the window with a frown, he felt like he had failed.

"Y/n, I'm really sorry. I didn't know it would rain today. I know my van is old and dirty, it's not an ideal spot for our first date. I understand if you want to leave. We can always just reschedule or something? I just really don't want to fuck this up, you're just so amazing and I don't know.." he was talking really fast, clearly upset and panicking. "I'm rambling but I just really hope I didn't fuck this up for us-" you couldn't understand why he felt like he messed up, but you had to stop his ranting.

So you grabbed his face and kissed him. He tensed up briefly out of surprise but you could physically feel him relax before you pulled away. "You didn't fuck everything up! I'm having a great time! Your van is dirty but I don't care!" Eddie searched your face for pity, but he found none. He couldn't even focus on what you were saying because he was still thinking about your soft hands that were still holding his face. "Are you sure?" you chuckle and press a soft kiss to his lips again.

"Eddie, I'm 100% sure that I don't want to leave." you pull your hands away from him and you grab another slice of pizza. "Now, I'd like to continue our date if you don't mind." Eddie didn't mind. He was just stunned by your actions a few moments ago. "Y-Yeah, yeah let's continue."

Eddie walked you back to your car. The sun was setting over the oak trees surrounding the parking lot. "This was amazing, Eddie. I really had a great time." Eddie put his hands in his pocket and felt something. He never gave you the gift. "Oh! Before you leave, here." He handed you a small box, which you opened quickly. It was a guitar pick necklace matching his. "Are you serious?" you couldn't find the words to show your appreciation.

"What, you don't like it?" you sighed and rolled your eyes. "I love it, Eddie. I fucking love it." You put it on. Eddie chuckles and shoves his hands into his pockets. "So, did I earn a second date?" you shrug. "Maybe. If you want a second date, you'll have to tell Dustin that we're actually dating now." Eddie felt a chill go up his spine.

"No, he'll kill me!" this made you laugh. "No, but he might not talk to you for a week." Eddie listened to your laugh, it never failed to make him feel butterflies in his stomach. 

"Same time next week?" Eddie brushes his hair out of his face. You nod, "Yeah, next time you should clean your van so we can hang out there." 

"Can I have another kiss?" Eddie decided to be brave and ask. You chuckle and kiss his cheek. "Save it for our second date."

God, he was in love with you.

//ahh! my first 2 part fic! Thank you for reading!

[lokisprettygirl]

Could I get a reader x Loki where reader has a toothache and no one in the tower wants to even attempt to get the reader to go to the dentist because it will just end badly. Until Loki says that he studied dentistry and can fix it. Loki discovers that reader has a crush and needs a reward for being a good patient afterwards

I loved this request so much, hope you like this ❤️

God of Dentistry (loki x female reader)

Toothache, worst of the worst crimes to ever exist, it's like an unicorn, your brain can't comprehend the feeling of how badly it hurts until you start suffering from it. But you know what's even scarier? Dentists, So menacing, with their torture chair, and drills. Such criminals. You have always hated dentists since that one unfortunate incident from your childhood.

So when you started groaning and wincing everytime you ate, you knew you were in trouble.

"Why don't you just go and see..." Before Sam could finish his sentence you glared at him "go and see that movie that I was talking about its great" he deflected quickly as he saw your expressions. "What's going on here?" You saw loki walking towards the dining area and you felt your face heating up. You have had the worst case of Loveria since you saw him the first time but you're too chicken to do anything about it. He's loki, the aloof god of mischief. A bit scary at times too.

"Y/n is suffering from a toothache but she hates the dentists, see the problem?" Sam answered him and loki raised his eyebrows as he looked at you

"Why do you hate them y/n?" Why are you so sexy? Why are you on my mind 24/7? Why can't you be a doofus? You are not asking him personal questions so he shouldn't either. "Just a childhood trauma I would rather not share" you tell him and he puckered his lips, lips you'd love to kiss.

"Well I studied dentistry, maybe I could help?" He says to you very casually and you see Sam's eyes widening "you're telling me you did a degree in dentistry? Like the whole nine yards?" Sam questioned him and he shrugged "I did, except it took me like mere few days as compared to you mortals spending years on it" he answered Sam, Dr. Loki, you giggled mindlessly as you thought of him in a lab coat and stethoscope, why would a dentist need one though ?

"Come to my chamber in an hour, I'll see what's bothering you and don't worry y/n, I'll be as gentle as I can be with your little mouth" he winked at you and left. Sam spat his cereal out, you were wet, there was no denying it.

As much as you wanted to spend time with loki, you still hated dentists. So when you reached his room and saw the torture chair and drills you almost ran backwards.

"Sit down and get comfortable y/n" he said softly and you'd bend down on your knees if he'd ask like that "Take a sip and spit it out" he passed you a glass of water "I already brushed my teeth before I came here" you tell him politely and he smiled "Such a good girl"

What the fuck? What the fuck? Why is he doing this? You laid back down on the chair as he levered it lower "open" he commands you and you started to feel a little scared, a dentist, your worst nightmare "Relax y/n trust me okay? You don't want to be in continuous pain now do you?" He comforts you and you nod "Open wide now, this is the last time I'm asking you, if you won't, I'll have to shove my retractor in your mouth and I don't think you'd like that" You know he meant cheek retractors but why did he have to say it like that? His retractor, his coc.. snap out of it and open your damn mouth y/n. Loki smirks as he sees you being so nervous and fidgety around him. He knows you are besotted with him and he's going to have a lot of fun with that knowledge.

Once you actually allow him to inspect your mouth, he finds out that the problem is not the tooth but the gums. He writes you a prescription for an ointment "Also change your tooth brush y/n, get something with softer bristles, be gentle when you're brushing or I might have to teach you how to do that " he winks at you again and you blush furiously.

"Thank you for the free service doctor loki " you were still laid down on the chair and about to get up when he spoke "I kinda like that title, you have been so good for me today y/n so brave" he caressed your cheeks with his thumb and you bite your lips to stifle a whimpery moan "Been such a good patient, I should reward you hmm?" He whispered in your ear and god you're losing your mind, but you're too far gone to come back now "yes please" you whimper and you see his pupils dilating "Oh I'm gonna have so much fun with you lovely pet" you shift in the chair as you tried to squeeze your legs together to provide some relief, but he pushed your legs further apart with his palm "Desperate are we?" He kisses you on the lips as his fingers cups your clothed pussy, you moan loudly at the contact, Loki's hand were between your legs, you'd scream from the top of your lungs if you were not in such a compromising position

He palmed you and squeezed you like that and heard the softest moans and whimpers he have ever heard. You are too close to falling apart and he haven't even touched your bare skin yet, the thought made him want to ruin you and fuck you into oblivion but he had to control his urges. You have feelings for him, and after today he would have hard time too, to not get closer to you in every way, so he wanted to treat you respectfully "Are you going to come undone like this y/n? if you're like this just with my hand between your clothed cunt, how would you react if it was my cock instead hmm? I can only imagine how good you would look all fucked out for me" he continued to stroke and squeeze, his fingers pressed at the clit area and his filthy whispers added to it, you were going to cum like this

"Oh god loki pleaseee" you whine desperately and he kissed you again "cum for me y/n, let go, such a good girl " and you did, you came at the command of his voice, your legs gripped his hand tightly almost crushing his bones, if he wasn't a god he feared he would have a broken bone. Once you came down from your high you looked at him sheepishly, you were so embarrassed, you wish now you had better control at your feelings, he was smirking. Such a Jerk

"Ummmm okay so god of dentistry, uhh I should, that was umm great uhh so yeah see you never again" you jumped out of the chair and almost ran but he grabbed a hold of your arm

"Y/n would you like to go out with me tonight? Please?" He asks you, you turn to look at him shocked and surprised at the softness in his voice. Is he really asking you out on a date? You always thought of him as a wham bam thank you mam types.

"I would love to doctor loki"

[dragonmuse]

Could you tell us more about your running? Why you do it, what it means to you, and if you want, your typical mileage/paces?

I can! It's a long explanation, sorry. You may all have noticed I don't do concise really.

Content warning: health and weight talk to follow (no specific numbers mentioned)

I am not a natural athlete to start with and I much prefer curling up on my couch then working out much of the time. Periodically over the last decade or so, I have re-resolved myself and managed to make it a few months before falling off again.

Then the pandemic happened. And my blood pressure, never awesome, started to soar. I was working full time as was my husband and we had a kid at home, so like for so many of us, it was pretty stressful and my relationship with food went totally toxic. On the plus side though, I was working out my gender identity, was back in therapy for the first time since my teens and got over a seventeen year paralyzing fear of the dentist to finally get my teeth fixed.

I arrived in February this year the largest I've ever been and probably the most mentally healthy I'd been in a decade. I don't mind being fat, I've been some level of fat my entire adult life. So none of this was in the goal to become less fat, I want to be amply clear on that. It's a byproduct, but not the goal.

The goal was twofold, to build a better relationship with food and to get my blood pressure down as much as I can naturally. I will go on meds if required, but would love to put it off if I can. My doctor thinks this is possible, so I'm operating under her guidance (plus some common sense, someone save us all from doctors who think fast, extreme weight loss is a good thing).

So I bought the cheapest pair of running shoes that still looked like they'd hold up and set out. I started with a couch to five k program and on completion just kept going.

Why running?

I can just step outside my front door and do it. I live in a quiet neighborhood and that's where I do all my running. Just me and whatever other suburban dweller is out getting in their morning air.

I hate gyms. I don't want to go to a class or be taught how to use a machine. Working out already makes me feel vulnerable, I do not wish to interface with anyone else.

I have, against all odds, come to enjoy doing it. This didn't happen the last two times I tried this and I think it was because of the treadmill. This year I have run through rain, freezing and melting temperatures and I have no regrets. I really prefer being outside and there is something exhilarating about taking your frail human meat sack out into the elements and saying 'ha! I am capable of running down a sprinting prey animal out of sheer endurance, not that I would, but you know the theory is sound'.

I can totally disassociate at a certain point. A lot of exercise requires you to be very present. As long as I'm paying enough attention not to get hit by a car or fall over, I can think about what the hell Izzy or Eddy or someone else is up to and daydream my way through working out. It's awesome and has made many words flow.

So what does it mean to me? It means trying to stay on this fucked up planet as long as I can for my kid. Yes, I like feeling healthy for myself blah blah blah, but I brought my kid into the world and I'll be damned if I'm leaving him a parent short for even a minute longer than I have to. This is survival, baby. I ain't eating this much fucking salad because it's fun.

And...okay yeah, it means that I'm proud of myself every time I do it. Every time I get up and move this shambling mortal shell and make it do things it couldn't do even a few months ago is pretty cool, I guess.

As far as mileage and pace, I am so fucking slow, but I am getting faster! Mileage is also building up. I run two to three times on a weekday at about 15:45 a mile for two and a half miles. On Saturdays when I have more time, I go for three and a half miles and last time I got to 15:09 a mile which was frankly miraculous. In March I was lucky to get under 17 minutes for two miles, so I'm pretty pleased with that progress.

Right now, I'm trying to build endurance and speed very slowly. I don't really have time to go for a long run more than once a week, but my next goal is to hit four miles on a Saturday and maybe get a 14 minute mile going.

Also, no one asked, but I listened to an 80s cardio station on pandora for the first few months and that's where most of the titles for the stories came from. Recently switched to the larger mix of a running channel to change things up.

[exysexualmoron]

In your soulmates au is Andrew and Neil healthcare just going to be cheaper now than 2 idiots worth of American healthcare? Like damn only one of them will have to have surgery right? Now I’m just over here like huh if one of them gets their wisdom teeth removed what happens in the others mouth? Like does everything happen and the teeth just fall out? Though I guess stitches wouldn’t happen with both so I guess they’ll need to have surgery together one getting the incisions the other with a team just making sure they’re ok and patching them up. Sorry I’m just rambling I love your fic

this is the kind of thing i like to wake up to on a Saturday morning like... wow, just wow. I did not get that far in worldbuilding and now I see the error of my ways BUT technicallly it should be more expensive because you have two to worry about instead of just one so one and a half?

now I'm picturing Neil trying to remove his own wisdom tooth and Andrew just staring with the most ammount of emotion anyone has ever seen him show because Neil wtf and Neil being like we did it on the run and Andrew just being held back from stabbing him himself because of course but dumbass we can go to the dentist and then after Neill is just fine and Andrew is acting all dramatic throwing himself on the couch and furniture because he's one of the lucky ones born without wisdom teeth but it hurt

ok I'll leave this here

thank you so much, this made my day

[jo-doe-seeking-inspo]

What they don't tell you

PLEASE READ FIRST:

Beneath the cut is a poem I wrote about anxiety. I wrote it with the intention of helping people, but it does dive into my mental state when I'm quite a bit anxious or panicking. Check the tags, let me know if I need to add any, and stay safe!!

What they don't tell you

Is that anxiety is not one thing

It's not just being scared of everybody

Or the "they don't like me"

Or the "why did I say that?"

That crawls into your mind at night

Panic attacks aren't pretty

They're every muscle in your body

Strung tight

Against an attack that never comes

Or your breath coming

In and out and in and out in out in out

In in in

Until someone tells you

"Hey! Stop holding your breath!"

And you can't

Or watching things around you

But being unable to take the reins

Unable to break the chains

You're locked in your own brain

Am I going insane?

Strained by perceived stains

I stay in my own lane

But it does not leave

Or it's the feeling of being fine

I'm fine

Don't ask don't look I'm fine

And today is going fine

But then I forget my lines

And it begins to rise

And it starts in my calves

And it rolls up my thighs

Till the breath is choked

From my very throat

And I forget how to float

Fingers clutch at air

And no one is there

Or it's the thoughts that come

With no warning

Telling me to hurt

To scream

To say things I don't mean

Why are these urges so obscene?

I don't want these things

I don't believe them

And I will never ever breathe them

To another soul

But what if I lose control?

Or it's the stomach pains

I can't explain

It's my dentist asking why

I grind my teeth

It's punching myself

With no relief

It's the tap tap tap of my fingers

That don't cease

It's my brow tensed

In a constant crease

It's the energy in my veins

With no release

It's staring at a screen

When I just want to sleep

Because it distracts me

From how the sheep

Won't do what I want them to

And how my mind

Refuses to unwind

It's the fear of failure

And brutal disapproval

It's crucial

That everything is right

Though I know that it's futile

I'm still scared to fight

Because what if it's not perfect?

Better to not do it at all

But then I feel the pressure

Of the lack of completion

Bearing down on me

I feel the repletion of energy

Fueled by white-hot fear

Why is it still here?

After the meditation

And the long deep breathing

And the weighted blanket

And feeling my heart beating

And the endless loop

Of believing

That I'm succeeding

That finally it's leaving

It's so damn freeing

But it returns.

And that

That is what they don't tell you

No

That's what they just won't tell you

When they make their posts

About self-care

Pretend it's all right there

Every step, please share!

That's not playing fair

Because it's not a straightforward quest

For the Holy Grail

It's not Jason learning to sail

It's fail after fail

After fail after fail

And the book doesn't end

And the credits never play

You just fight it and push it

Day after day

There's no finish line

There's no final "hurray"

Because just when you think there may

Nay

And so you think you made a mistake

You feel your heart ache, break

Wait, hit the brake

No one told me it goes this way

I beat it

It's gone

I get to move on with my life, right?

Wrong

It's not a single battle

Or even one war

For most, there's always

Still something in store

But hear me

Someone has felt this before

You're not all alone

In feeling all wrong

In wondering how they sum it up

In one upbeat song

When you've felt the grit and the muck

All along

I know

I know

It's never all tied with a perfect bow

And that's why you have to learn

To let go

Of thinking you need to

Get in on this show

You don't.

Let me share what I know

About learning to grow

A spa day is not going to be the end

Some days are going to be hard

On your friends

Your mental state

Won't always fit the trends

But don't think you'll never turn a bend

That's not at all what I intend

To convey

There will be good days

There will come a day you realize

That you look at things with different eyes

That now your lowest is better

Than your previous highs

No need to romanticize

It'll happen, guys!

And maybe you're never "better"

But you are so much better

To the letter

You can cut through your tethers

Your fetters

It's blinding

The progress that you can make

Don't try to deep-fake

It's not too late

You're not backsliding

Don't cover it up

Two steps back makes you feel

Like you've not done enough

But keep fighting

Please don't give it up

I know that it's tough

And I know there's no slogan

That sums it up nice

But I implore you

I'll tell you what they do:

Fight, fight, fight