#I'm NOT working on asks rn because I'm hella busy

[velvetblackjack]

HOWDY MY FELLAS

I came back from the dead (did I??)

Sorry for my almost 7 months of inactivity, I'm currently studying abroad and it turned out it wasn't the best choice I've ever made in my life so far (thanks social anxiety and school assignments, they'll be the end of me).

Anyway I'm not saying I'm going to post something soon, but I'll try my best. I'll also bring new content because yes, my blog needs it...

Thank you to everyone who kept sticking around my blog and patiently waited for my comeback! 🫶🏻 (hope I can make it up with new content very soon)

[skubean]

If you write for ten can you pls write one where the reader learns piano just to play with ren and ren is happy bcs of it 😭?

hi anon, thank you for the request! ren's actually one of the few that i used to watch, and i definitely loved this idea esp after the piano handcam stream SHASHAHSSDH. also losing my mind rn bcs ren's coming to nijigen but i'm too anxious to go to cons. anyways, hope you liked this <3 !

learning the piano for ren zotto!

summary: you decided to learn the piano for ren after seeing him play one day, and it comes of as a shock to the man, especially when it's something he's very passionate about.

notes: gender neutral reader, mentions of being in a relationship, just some fluff as per usual! slight mentions of misunderstandings but plenty of fluff afterwards.

it's not a surprise to you anymore everytime you come home and hear music coming from his room, or his studio. you know ren's passionate about music, and you've always been his #1 supporter. you've been there when he was working on songs in his studio and he's always letting you be the first to listen. he loves music, you know so. but lately, you've been so busy that you haven't had the time to indulge in his interests that you could sense ren being hesitant around you. when you asked him if anything was wrong, he shrugged it off and said that he was just worried he was bothering you with the noises, eventhough you've reassured him that you don't mind. the lack of communication probably got the best of you because you both ended up having trouble talking after some time, especially with how hard it is to see each other (since you're too busy). you know ren loves music and you know it's something that means a lot to him, and you want to cheer him up! also, as a sort of apology for not being able to be around after you've been so busy. so one morning, you wake up feeling the warmth of his body engulfing you in a hug as the bright shades of outside shine on you face. you groan before turning around to face him. ren was still sleeping, with his face squished against the pillow, mouth slightly opened. you giggled, and nestled closer into his chest, before feeling him squirm and hug you closer. "mmm.. don't go yet, love..stay with me some more..", he says as he basically locks you in his arms. "okay", was simply what you responded and nuzzled closer to him.

silence. that is until ren grabs you with a smile on his face. "wait, really? you're not busy anymore?", he asks you as he cups your cheeks and plants kisses all over your face. hearing him laugh made you laugh too as you shook your head explaining to him how you're done with whatever was keeping you occupied. truth be told, ren never wanted to pry into your business, so he never really asked what was causing you to be so busy. but, one thing for sure is that he's hella glad he has the whole day to spend with his beloved s/o. "well, actually. i was gonna show you something", you said as you dragged ren into his studio where his piano was in. ren, puzzled as he is, follows you behind until he sees you sitting in front of his piano with the brightest smile he'd ever seen. you signal ren for him to stand near you as you clumsily open the piano, and attempt to play his song, 'blue sugar'. you were so focused on getting the notes right, that you didn't even notice how serious you looked, only relaxing after hearing ren laugh. you were embarrassed, but it helped you relax. you could sense ren coming closer before he scooted next to you and played alongside you while he sang. it was amazing, how you felt so happy, and how endearing the whole entire thing was, especially seeing how relieved ren looked after you were done. here you were, two grown ups, just woken up and being all giddy in front of the piano. "what's this? when did you learn to play, y/n?", ren faces you as he plants a soft kiss on your cheek before pulling you closer. "hmmm..i don't know, maybe i was so busy learning the past few weeks, maybeeee", you exclaimed as you see the gears turning in his head. so that's why you've been so busy, he thought. he couldn't hide the soft, warm feeling engulfing his chest. he loved you like crazy, the things you'd do for him, and how just a gesture like this was enough to prove to him how much he's addicted to you. you both spent the rest of the day cuddled up in his studio as he teaches you more about piano, more so as compensation for not learning with him beforehand. (he was pouty you learnt it from someone else). needless to say, ren zotto loves music. but, he definitely loves you more. so imagine the look on his face when his favourite person learnt how to play his favourite instrument all for him.

a/n: sorry this ended up being a little self-indulged sksksks i wrote this without any drafts so it might be a bit loopy. <3 beanz

[skinny2tb]

€d vent and life update:

Sooo... I'm really upset rn because I managed to fast for 5 days without anyone noticing and it felt GREAT. I mean it's kinda sad that my parents just simply don't care anymore. They used to encourage me while I was in recovery and actually getting better but oh well that's how it is sometimes I guess. I once weighed 43kg that's why I originally went into recovery and as I began to gain some weight back they just assumed my €d was magically cured. But that just wasn't the case and here I am once again. Without anybody noticing or actually caring. Sadly my eating disørder is even worse this time and I'm feeling no will to live anymore.

Anyways, I'm thinking of another liquid fast right now because as I said I'm really upset that I just broke mine 20mins ago with some leftover noodles (230 + 55kcal for the cheese) and I'm freaking out atm because I'm afraid I'll gain weight after eating those. But I can't work out because my parents and their friends are downstairs and I don't want them to hear me doing some exercises. Although I know they probably wouldn't even care.

Lately I've been pretty busy studying (literally lol) because of my finals this and next week. I've already completed three out of four and I just have to pass the math test and honestly I'm shitting myself even thinking about it. But as for the others I'm pretty confident.

My hot guess:

• english: 1-2

• french: 1

• german: 2-3

• maths: 4?

Only thing I know is that this years final math exam will include exponential functions which I hate.

I also wanted to say hello to everybody new following me, just wanna let you know I do appreciate it<33

Btw I managed to book my first ever nail appointment for next week and I'm kind of excited?? Let me know if you guys have any cool design recommendations. So far I really fw acrylic, stiletto shape, classy french nails with some gems and tiny rhinestones..

(not my pic btw)

Prom is also coming soon so ofc I'm hella nervous because I haven't fully opt which of my two dresses I'll wear but eitherway it's gonna be navy blue with sparkly details and an open back. And when I tried the dresses on infront of my mom I could clearly see the disbelief in her face of how thin I have gotten again. She didn't say anything tho. I just looove the feeling of clothes that have gotten too big on you and would slide down your body if you didn't use a belt or hairtie.

Yeah, also there's this cute guy in my class. Same age and we went to the same elementary school but back then we had nothing to do with each other. You're probably asking what that has to do with me. Well, at the beginning of the school year when I was the new girl in my class he asked me to go to prom with him and I agreed but now I'm scared, because I do know and everybody always tells me that he has a huge crush on me. But I just can't handle that much affection yk?? The dance course will also start in a few weeks and we both can't look each other in the eyes... Everytime I think about him I'm like what do you even like about meee, I mean why me when there's a bunch of other beautiful girls, right? But well, what can I say at least I pull? Seems like I got that shy rizz*~*

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally happy but at the same time I feel like I don't deserve this kind of love. He's so good looking too with his hazel eyes, big lips and dark brown hair, plus he's way taller than me. So literally my dream guy? I even got to see his abs and stuff when our class went on a trip to a water park. Since then I'm head over heels.. I catch him often secretly staring at me but as soon as I gaze in his direction he pretends to be busy doing other things, like sir I SAW THAT

Ugh, I'm sorry that was pretty much about my personal shit but also pretty much needed.

(Lastly I wanna say that you guys DESERVE recovery and if you feel like you or anybody you know might suffer from an eating disørder don't hesitate to see professional help. You're loved♡)

I'll probably post again in a minute cuz I'm bored rn and want to avoid a b¡nge.

[orchidyoonkook]

Life, Book, and Writing Update (long):

Hey guys, just writing a little long overdue letter to let you know whats been going on in my life and why I haven't been as active, so lets dive in.

Firstly, my job. My job has been hell on wheels from the middle of May and continuing on until now. I have been semi-actively looking for a new one the entire time this has been happening, with little to no luck which sucks (job market is HELLA insane where I live rn), but it is what it is. My job wont give me hours and therefore I am not getting money and so I'm really stressed because in order to live and have a roof over my head I basically sit in my house all day stressing over many things such as:

The next life update; Moving. I'm moving! After three years in my very first apartment I'm moving with my partner into a nice new place with a friend (the only way we could afford too). But that has also been extremely stressful as it was something that was quite literally decided down to the minute and we were worried we weren't going to get a place on time but we managed with 4 days to spare. This last week has been helping our friend pack and move and unpack and try and figure out who's keeping what and what's going where and more brain vomit I won't bore you with. But that's been.... a lot on my plate in my irl. Taking up most of my thoughts.

Which brings me to why I haven't been updating my writing frequently. My writing is different from other folks on here in the sense that writing isn't an outlet for me. I don't do it to destress or to get my feelings out or any of that jazz. My writing is because I enjoy telling stories, and for me I have to be in the mindset to write otherwise I can stare at the page all day and get zero done. All the words jumble kind of like that one scene from percy jackson (movie) and it's a mess. That's what's been happening these past few months of editing. I'll get a couple paragraphs in and then it's like my brain goes into tv static. I hate it, but every little bit of progress is progress.

And lastly, the book: The pre-order was Not a scam, Not fake. Very VERY much a real thing. I have the paper with me and everything. I haven't taken your info and done anything with it, I super duper pinky swear promise. It is sitting securly where I asked you to give it to me, has not been touched or tampered with, and I will be working on making them so so soon to get out to you wonderful humans who wanted them. Once moving is done and I have a printer again with ink that works it's my number 1 TO-DO.

If you have signed up, you WILL get your book. I promise. I have a wonderful human who I met on here who can vouch for me too, she's met me irl and knows I'm a real human with the best intentions, just a little busy, brainfogged and battered from all of it.

If you have ANY questions about it please PLEASE feel free to reach out and ask. I will be 1000% transparent with everything.

But yeah, that's the gist of it, personal family drama and life aside. I'm trying my best, and nothing has been forgotten. I will be completing everything, in time. I promise.

I hope that's okay.

I love you,

Yoon <3

[bingwriterxo]

Bing - you don’t gotta read if you don’t want to I just need to rant to someone other than family rn I literally don’t know what to do… like I’m so freaking heartbroken dude.

So my ex girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years now and literally like the best seven years of my life right? I bought a ring to propose to her in 2 months on the anniversary that we met - I had this WHOLE plan (there was a lot more to this plan but this was essentially the big part) to walk around downtown where we had our first date and when we reached the location where we had our first date I would ask her to marry me.

Well I got back from a business trip a week and a half ago and found out some stuff. She was hella distant while I was away like not talking to me at all or giving me hella short answers and when she would plan to FaceTime she wouldn’t answer. So I’m thinking like maybe she wants to give me space to work and do my thing on my trip or she is busy - not thinking anything bad because I though we were solid. Well one of our friends from high school hits me up and says she has been out with her guy best friend and looking all cozy and like super close like what couples would be doing and she was sure we were still together so just wanted to let me know what she had seen yk? Well I went to visit my parents and my brothers when I got back and I let her know I’d be there for a while as soon as I got back to town and she was like that’s cool! I’m at work until 8. I was there a good few hours and it’s getting closer to 8 so I told my family I gotta get home, unpack and make dinner before she got home from a long day at work.

Well dude I got home and saw her car there and I was thinking oh yk maybe she got off early and wanted to surprise me? Bro I was surprised. She was fucking her guy best friend. Like WHAT. Like I feel like my heart is shattered and just I don’t know what to do. I’m literally like SOBBING while writing this. 7 YEARS of my life dude. This was the girl I was going to MARRY. We have been together since we were 15. My first love. I have plans to move out tomorrow. I have been over at my brother’s place since I can’t even go home. I just don’t know how I’m gonna move on or what to even do now. Thanks for allowing me to rant - if you have any advice please I’m all ears.

shit dude, i'm really sorry to hear about this

unfortunately, i don't think i really have any advice for this sort of thing, but maybe some of my followers do

just try to take it one day at a time though, and message me if u need anything 🫶

[joehillssimp]

Holds my mic up to you, "In light of recent poll results, what's the general mood? Did you believe your candidate would make it this far?"

Well you know when I first nominated Joe Hills for MCYT Tumblr Sexy Man, i figured Mr. Hills would get a few more nominations, but likely wouldn't even make it onto the bracket.

After all, at the time, despite Hermitcraft being One Of if not THE biggest Minecraft Servers closely followed on this HellSite(affectionate), he was certainly one of the less popular, considering his sub count in regards to others such as Scar.

Not to mention the behemoth that was the DreamSMP.

Now, as someone who frequented the fandoms of both of those major servers, I knew the power and the Sexyman-ness of Wilbur, Scar, Technoblade, and Quackity, and i had figured that one of those more major players would take center stage as the Definitive MCYTblr Sexyman.

Seriously, if you asked me to put money on it, I would have picked Scar to take it all.

But then the Nomination round went on... And on... and On a little More...

And Joe got 3rd Seed Overall.

And Oh Man I Got Shoved Into Maximum Overdrive

We had a chance. And not only a chance, but a Mother Fucking Top 3 Seed. I coulnd't have dreamed of even being seeded that high. But that is the Joe Hills Difference isn't it?

Now, since this was before we saw the bracket, I had hope, but I wasn't about to set my expectations too high, for all I knew Joe would get Scar or Technoblade or someone in the first round and Boom, all my hopes and dreams would be crushed before my eyes.

And then the bracket came out.

And not only did our High Seed mean we'd skip the Wild Card Round, but that we wouldn't be in the same Bracket as Scar(who let's face it was in a pretty hefty Bracket, probably to offset being #1). And not only were we not in the same Bracket as Scar, but out first 2 Rounds were Easy Victories.

And this was when I shoved every part of myself into Watching This Showdown.

And I will admit that I still didn't expect us to beat Scar. I was hoping for a nice and clean, 2nd Place.

But as we can see now

That isn't what happened.

Joe didn't get eliminated in teh preliminaries.

He didn't go down to the Sexiest Living (RIP Technoblade I hope you're making the afterlives/immortalities of whoever you're with rn an absolute hell and loving the shit out of it) DSMP Sexymen.

He didn't even fall to the Bisexual Queen herself Zombie Cleo.

And honestly, this IS, "The Man Who Conquered Death" afterall.

Why would we as a community believe that he could be defeated by anything less than Death itself! (or herself I think Miss Trixtin was in the first couple of rounds i don't remember though I was kind of busy screaming about Joe)

And here we are. After a long hard battle.

After Days of Voter Fraud,

And Discord Planning,

And Art Making,

and Horribly thought out campaign promises...

With Joe as #1.

And let me tell you...

I'm hella terrified I'm going to have to spend the next who knows how long working to animate a Sexy Joe Hills to Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" because that's what Joe has done and it's going to be a lot of work that hopefully will be worth it in the end.

If you wanna watch me Draw/Plan/Storyboard/Animate the Joe Hills Sexy Back Animation then come check me out at twitch.tv/anablazebanana

At 10pm PST where I will be livestreaming quite a bit of the process. I'm mostly doing this because @theminecraftbee said they were going to hold me to it so i may as well have tangible progress reports semi-daily.

So ya know, at least I have something to do now that all this is over and my life won't feel like an empty void without something big happening.

[hella1975]

HELAL

I have a lot of stuff running through my mind rn and im in a hurry and idk if its going to make sense but oh well.

(its list anon and I have another thing to add to my 'favorite things about finding myself in Hellas circle of existence list thing)

The thing is how much your personality sinks through into your writing and blog thing.

Let me explain,

I lost internet for a few days and I just got it back and was scrolling through tumblr and noticed one of my mutuals reblog something of yours and I was like 'I havent been on the internet for like four days, I wonder what Hella has been up to.' and so I started stalking you (as one does) and like scrolling through your blog and everything and I came across the post you thinged about your hometown and about how shameful you are about your writing and that sent me into a spiral because I know the feeling and couldnt put it into words and I felt so called out.

Thats besides the point.

I had this thing to add to the list for a while and couldn't figure out how to explain it without seeming weird so Im just doing my best here.

It's like when you post things about the things that go on in your mind. I touched on this in my first list thingy with the whole 'when you post little snippets of whats going on in your mind and turn it into what I can only describe as poetyry' part. It's simular but it's not the same.

It's really easy to see someone and follow someone who is so eloquent and brilliant and hold them close to divinity and think about how untouchable they are, which seems weird because I'm on Tumblr of all places. But like when you follow your favorite authors on twitter or instagram and they seem almost inhuman. And sometimes it feels like being that talented is so unattainable because you're not them, you can't spew out flawless lines of words seemingly effortlessly and you cant come up with a plot that clever and even if you can't you can't give the story justice because you're not that good of a writer.

Even other writers on this site are like this and so...ethereal almost. I've mentioned before how a lot of other writer almost run their blog like a business and everything and you scroll through them and see people constantly sending them asks about their works and sending them fanart and people obsessing over their art and like I said it seems unattainable for your average person. Like I dont get that so maybe I'm not that good.

Then I come to your blog and you talk about situations I relate to and you don't hide your humanity and you talk about your classes in economics of all things and your home town and all your problems (while valid) are normal. You're more relatable than the other writers I follow at least.

I've mentioned in other asks ( I dont think they were list ones but they might have been idk ) that you inspire me a lot. This is why. Also the fact that you're my age (I'm 18) and your not in your 20s and you havent taken a decades worth of writing classes and you dont have a degree in literature. You're literally just person living a normal life. That's not to say other authors and writers arent just normal people but you just show it a lot more, idk.

Like reading things like taob and tbos and then going to your main blog and seeing the way you write your stuff in your mind and then going two posts down and your talking about normal things makes me think that maybe I can write something incredible too one day.

And the reason I have the ability to feel that way in relation to you and your stupid blog (affectionate) is because you let your normal personality show, not some robotic businessy- type personality.

That's not to say that I don't think your just an average person, average people can't describe things so rawly. But, like I said, you're not untouchable.

Based on what I see from you and what you show online, I really think that you have the potential to be great one day. Not that you should hold yourself and force yourself into a life you don't want, like if you don't want to be a famous writer, don't be. But I genuinely just hope that you grow up and find a career you're happy in.

More than anyone I see on the internet, you deserve to live a life that you absolutely love, no matter what that might be.

I said it before that I always feel really obsessive when I send asks like this, and I feel creepy, so if I come off that way I'm sorry. I just try to make it a point to tell people when I enjoy them as a person.

Also I have some songs that kind of remind me of you.

The first one if Vienna by Billy Joel. I think the chances of you not knowing this one is very slim because it's such as popular song right now. But it's my favorite song and it reminds me of you.

The other one is read all about it by Emili Sande (pt 3 is the best) I think this song is also pretty popular, it also might not be, idk. But it's one of those songs that not a lot of people that I show it to like. Idk why. The vocals are weird (in my opinion) but I love the lyrics.

If you already know these songs just ignore this part :)

ME WHEN LIST ANON:

[iwannaban0nym0us]

time for a ramblely post about my life because i'm actually really happy rn

so my partner holy shit they're so amazing i don't even know how to explain it but everything they do just proves how incredible they are,, like we haven't said "i love you" to each other but i feel 100x more loved by them they i ever did by my ex who must have told me they loved me at least 100 times

ok btw i have no idea where this post is gonna go it's probably just gonna be a bunch of random thoughts all lumped together

so uh the reason i've been fairly inactive lately is because it's robotics comp season! Our first comp was last weekend meaning that the week leading up to it I was super busy trying to help get all the things to work (they still didn't lol) friday and saturday were insanely long days that were fun but also so tiring

we barely got things working in time on friday to clear inspection and make it to one practice match and then on saturday we had the worst possible schedule (first match of the day, a random match, last match before lunch, then 2 10min turn arounds, and then last match of the day) the most stressful part of the day was when in the last match before lunch we overextended our arm, pulled out all of the electronics, broke the extension spool, and got 25 penalty points. we spent lunch trying to fix all of that and also change out wheels (we didn't have a chance before because of our shit schedule) and also someone thought it would be a good idea to swap intakes but then we had to unswap intakes because the new one was too big and then the two very fast turn arounds after that were hella stressful

we actually ended up wining our last match of the day tho and i'm very proud of that since i took lead on the strategy talk before the match

then sunday we had a better match schedule and won one lost one so we ended quals 39/42 and therefore didn't go to playoffs, and me being the so so smart person that I am decided that since the other goalie was out sick it would be a great idea to go to my soccer game that afternoon (after 2.5 long tiring days of robotics)

And so I did and by the end of the game i felt like i was gonna fall asleep and i don't know how i managed to make several good saves and we only lost 5-0 (2 of their goals were super lucky tho) I am really glad i went since i got to see an ex-teammate and teammate who might quit the team soon for running and i hadn't seen either of them since last season

this week i've had a bit more time and monday i was so so so tired that during my freeblock which i usually use for hw since i have no free time i just hung out w/ my partner and was like half asleep the whole time, me and my partner also skipped an assembly on burnout because we were both too tired (they had a vaulting comp at the same time as my robotics comp) also tuesday i skipped soccer because of the weather so i got a whole afternoon off

over the next 2 weeks i'm only gonna have 5 days of school because we get next wed-fri off for conferences and then i'm at robotics the following thurs-sat which i think is kinda funny

uh anyway shifting gears,,, thursday i had my gender and sexuality class w/ my ex and since the teacher was out we spent the whole time in small groups talking about quotes from our hw reading and I ended up w/ a friend and my ex and ofc my ex felt the need to read out each of the quotes which normally would be like whatever but for some reason that day i just could not deal w/ their voice or their strong opinions on stupid things

there was one point where their voice had gotten to me so much that i just kinda zoned out and then they had the audacity to ask me if I was ok and that threw me for a fucking loop because when we were dating the only time they would notice something was off was when i was tired not when something was actually going on, like the day where they caused me to have a mental breakdown i was very clearly not ok that afternoon and they didn't say a single thing despite us having class together and so for them to say something now despite me having made it clear we're not friends ??????????

also i was in this state where I was torn between why does their voice still hurt me so fucking much and why don't i hate them more they did some really shitty things to me and i'm just so confused how i can feel both of those things about them and aaaa i just want them to go away

ok this has gotten long enough and i have some things i need to do so i'll probably reblog this later to talk about yesterday :)

[rikilouvre]

first snow

summary : you and your first love, seungmin, meeting in the first snow of the year.

notes : not proofread yet! _____ is reader's name.

a/n : based on legend of the blue sea episode 5, watching it rn, i had to, plus i really gotta stop impulsively writing short prompts and start working on my tropes 😭 also they're college students ! a reblog will be very much appreciated.

+ saw my inbox with 4 questions, someone requested for another ending of one of my stories, and i have unfinished prompts and fics. i haven't done anything, i'm sorry! schoolwork's been making me busy and idk which part to start with.

theme song : 24 to 25, beautiful life (goblin ost)

"meet me at the park once the first snow of the year starts..."

his words whirled around your head over and over, staring out the window and inspecting for any signs of snow from the sky at all. the colorful twinkling lights hanged on the big christmas tree in your living room shone in your peripheral vision. the smell of that nostalgic cookies inside a red round tin container filled the air. you even had tiny crumbs on the sides of your mouth and on your sweater from the cookies you ate earlier, how adorable.

2 days ago, you and seungmin met up at a local cafe for a mini-reunion after not being able to bond because of rough academic schedules.

"i want to tell you something important once that day comes."

you couldn't even focus on drinking the cup of warm chocolate you're holding 'cause everything now makes you think of him. you couldn't help but ask yourself, "what does he want to tell me?" you swirl around the little warm chocolate residue inside the mug.

you always knew he was the only one you'd like in this town — he is a gentleman, he knows his priorities, he knows how to work around the house, he's independent, not to mention very handsome and talented — he is everything you could describe the perfect man everybody longs to be with. and you're hella proud that you're very close to him now.

but the thought of him nonchalantly intertwining his fingers with yours during your casual walks, when he stares at you when you're not looking, when he shows great concern when you encounter simple manageable problems like getting the cookie jar placed on the high cabinet — all these things he do for you that he mindlessly thought you wouldn't notice, turns out you do.

and everytime you think about it, a wave of chills rush throughout your whole body as your heartbeat skips a beat — all the things you thought you couldn't feel and think of. yet, you're here, red blushy cheeks but a serious face — ever trying your best to not let your intense feelings for him dominate the way you think and act. you didn't let yourself be in the feels since, who knows? who knows what he's going to say on the first snow of 24? he could tell you that he has a girlfriend and he might be excited to introduce her to you. it was therefore the right choice for you not to conclude everything on behalf of him.

and there, a snowflake gently swaying down to the ground.

you almost jumped to your seat in excitement when you saw it, heart progressively racing when you've come to the realization that this is the day. your toes starting to feel cold from excitement and nervousness, you try to stand up with your knees shaking with the anticipation the meet-up brought you.

you picked the best winter clothes you found in your closet and changed before bursting out of your bedroom to frantically think of what you need to bring with you. pepper spray? your money? mint candy- yo.. but you thought to yourself that you only bring your mint candy when you're trying to impress someone.. are you trying to impress someone? wow, there we have it. you finally admit to yourself that you're expecting something from seungmin. so what are you expecting? hmm, you actually didn't know. just the thought that meeting someone on the first winter is special. you abruptly stopped in your tracks.

"let's meet there at 5 if snow starts before that time. i'll message you if it's gonna be later than that. don't bring anyone, okay?"

you remembered his words again, 5PM. you checked your phone to know the time, 16:50. should you go? should you wait at your house and go to the meeting place at exactly 5? you didn't know what to do. you wanted everything to lay out so perfectly that one mistake can make you so frustrated and useless. you even forgot messaging apps exist. "ha!" you exclaimed as you excitedly texted him. are you there? i'm about to go out. you hit the send button to see his icon type in less than a minute. i'm here, been here since this afternoon. come. he replied.

you felt your ears turn red as you jump and squeal, quietly, ofcourse. i mean, who would want to see someone jump and squeal like a crazy girl inlove?

you started walking out to the meeting place after you were totally ready for both the meetup and everything that's about to be unraveled — good or bad.

"i'll be sitting on this specific bench infront of the cafe and i'm gonna wait for you. don't forget, alright?"

and there you were, beaming to yourself. you never even thought his words would make you fluster like this. you caught yourself in the act before someone else saw you when they were passing by. michin girl. you held on to your phone by your chest like you're hugging it, somehow waiting for a 'vibrate' 'cause damn you needed someone to calm your nerves down. you atleast need seungmin, to affirm you that nothing's gonna go bad today.

your heart beats ever so fast and deeply, just by seeing him sit on the bench.

"but, is that really him?" you thought to yourself, making sure it really is seungmin before approaching the figure. but before you could even take 3 steps forward, the man on the bench stood up and slowly turned around — startling you. the tall man turning slowly started to reveal himself, and as he turned around to face you, you started to feel your knees weak and suddenly couldn't carry your own bodyweight anymore. "_____, you came." seungmin said, smiling.

you couldn't process in your mind by how he dresses so simple yet brings so much charisma. or is it just in your head? is it just you? wow, you were questioning everything at this point. you were amazed too, by how a man can turn your whole world upside down — atleast it felt like it. the snow falling around him and everywhere just makes everything 10x better.

you didn't even realize you were standing infront of him, doing nothing but either stare at him or zone out. and he was just standing there, looking at you with visible anticipation, which made you feel relief in a way you can't explain. he finally broke the silence and said, "uh, i wanted to meet you here, to.. tell you something." occasionally rubbing his palms together and forcing out a chuckle — he seemed nervous. and you totally were as well. you chuckled nervously, "min, don't be like that. it's scaring me as well." you jokingly said, slightly slapping his arm. this time, he lets out a real chuckle — a lighthearted laugh that seemingly came from happiness, "don't worry about it, though-" he slightly leans down and pats the bench, "-you can sit first before i tell you." eye contact. face down looking up he gazed at you all of a sudden, a second feeling like minutes. you were trembling and it's not because of the weather, too. snap. you came back to your senses, "okay." you responded — a giddy tone very much present in your voice. you walked around the bench to sit beside him.

sigh.

was all you heard minutes before he says anything, he clearly looks like he's thinking of how to say it. say what, by the way? now that you're thinking of it, all the fear came back to your body. "remember when we were little kids?" his voice making you immediately turn your head to him that was staring at the snow infront of you earlier. "mhm? which part?" curiosity distracts your fear of what he's about to say. "when i used to pick flowers for you? those little red flowers our neighbor used to plant and we would eat the sweet thingies inside them together? or maybe sometimes form cute tiaras and bracelets?" seungmin said, all in one go, in one breath. you stayed silent. "i wanna do everything all over again, _____." the last sentence made you visibly confused, brows furrowed from what he meant. no, you weren't actually confused. you were anticipated to the fact that he could mean so many things by what he just said. so, "seungmin, i don't want to presume onto anything so you gotta be specif-"

"i like you."

all he did was stare at whatever's infront of him — the snow, the children skiing, the pine trees, the sun, anything but you who's just 2 inches beside him. while you, your gut dropped. you were speechless, you were astounded, you were blushing, you were panicking, you were celebrating, you were thinking of everything in your mind. he finally looked at you to say, "but hey, it's okay if i don't get any answer. i just wanted to tell y-" you wrapped your arms around his neck and rested them on his shoulders, you laid your cheek on his shoulder, to which everything you just did made him jump a little. "so, uhm, what does this mean, _____?"

"it means i've been waiting for this moment for a little too long now."

you peeked at his face to see him crazy red, his ears as well. seungmin was smiling so much it looked like it hurts. he then let out a relatively high-pitched giggle, "_____, please stop joking around. i'm serious." his statement made you lift your head up his shoulder and pull away, you grabbed the sides of his shoulders tight to make him face you, "well kim seungmin, i am not joking. do you think i'm joking?" your tone in an exaggerated one. he, once again, giggled. "no! it's just- i never really- never expected- i- you like me too?" he pointed at himself, raising his tone and brows to go along with your exaggeration. you rolled your eyes, "what do you think, hmm?" you pursed your lips. "i think- _____, you're hard to read." he laughed again, his ears now look like tomatoes placed on the sides of his head, and his head is also a tomato. you wrapped your arms around his torso this time, placing one side of your head to his chest to hear his heartbeat, "what do you think now?" you smiled. you could feel his heartbeat go doog doog doog very fastly, "i, think, yes." he hesitantly places his arms on your back, and rests his chin on top of your head.

"i like you too, kim seungmin."

you pulled away to cup his cheeks with your small hands, beaming at him purely. he looks at you in adoration before looking away, "wow, never thought we'd come to this, _____." the day ended in pure bliss, mutual understanding, and a very well-celebrated christmas eve.

[rainbowrider1290]

My take on a Genshin Impact Circus AU Part 4 with Noelle as a strongwoman and Amber as a death-defying archery stuntwoman. Their backstories are under the cut!

Noelle:

First off I have a very self-indulgent headcanon that she is ridiculously strong. Like. Can benchpress people. Canonverse or AU.

She used to help out around the circus and she was kind of indifferent to the fact that she was likely going to be a maid. It's a respectable profession. And helping out at her childhood friends' (Kaeya and Diluc) manor as she'd been born into doing seemed like a good job.

How she got into the circus life requires a bit of backstory. Back when they were kids, Kaeya, Diluc, and Noelle would mess around (as kids do) and have little challenges for themselves. Who can run the fastest, who can do the best cartwheel, who can jump the highest, and the like.

Noelle got a little hesitant as she got into her early teens bc she was always told to be ladylike, so she spent one or two of their hangout sessions watching Kaeya and Diluc and talking. One day, however, Kaeya and Diluc are being Teenage Boys and lifting heavy things trying to outlift each other. Noelle has lifted furniture when cleaning up after these two so she figures this one unladylike thing would be okay.

She comes up behind them and just. Picks them both up. On top of the things they were lifting already. Kaeya and Diluc have to take a second and just look at her like "yeah no you are never sitting out of our competitions again"

And so they try other things like cartwheels and tests of courage like who can climb the highest on a tree and things are back to normal.

Skip forward a few years and Crepus dies. There's a huge mystery around it that not even his son's attendants are privy to. The only thing people know is that the sons have been sent away to boarding school. The whole manor is abandoned, all the workers fired.

Noelle for the next few years spends her time working at laundromats, and other odd jobs, but eventually she runs out of luck and suddenly there's too many people and not enough opportunities.

One of her friends from one of her old jobs invites her to go out and see this new circus that happens to be in town. She goes because why not. And wouldn't you know it one of the acts is her childhood friends doing these death-defying stunts that hit her with a wave of nostalgia bc their entire act consists of essentially the song "anything you can do" but with more and more dangerous stunts.

Noelle of course has to say hi, so they catch up and Noelle's lack of work comes up and would you look at that Aether and Lumine happen to have an opening for a maid.

So Noelle settles in, continuing to lift heavy shit to clean under it (Bennett swears up and down he saw her lift a fridge once but he might've been sleep-deprived). She also got into helping Chongyun with the techy stuff so sometimes she'll be at tech rehearsals moving things around and one time a rope holding up a person breaks near Noelle and she. catches it.

Now, one night. One of the acts drops out at the last moment bc injury or last-minute commitment or the like. And it leaves a gap in the show. Everyone else is busy. And panicking bc the circus is still relatively new and they really need to build their rep rn.

They start wondering what kind of last-minute acts they can put together like "what about the gymnasts??" "They all have group routines" "do they have old routines??" "Not polished enough for what we need" and someone somewhere pipes up "man I wish we had a strongman or something" and Diluc and Kaeya immediately whip their heads around to look at each other for like half a second before Kaeya bolts. He finds Noelle doing her usual rounds she's been doing for like a month now and Bennett was right, she is currently under a mini-fridge that she is lifting over her head whilst leaning it against a wall.

Kaeya takes Noelle by the shoulders and just zooms her over to where the commotion is happening and pitches the idea to Aether and Lumine. They're hesitant as hECK bc this is a huge risk they're taking since Noelle isn't even a performer but Diluc pitches that they could literally just scatter really heavy items and have Noelle clean under them and as long as she looks at the audience every once in a while it can be played off as a bit.

Noelle with qUITE the stammer says that she'll try her best but at this time is in need of a moment. She has never performed before. Kaeya and Diluc have to go perform so they leave her with a shoulder squeeze and a thumbs up.

She gets on-stage. She flinches under the lights for a second. She takes a deep breath and focuses on the first thing before her with her best "oh heavens, it's filthy in here", and she gets through the entire act by doing that for every object. So the audience is seeing this seemingly petite young girl lift the equivalent of a hecking car in order to clean under it.

Needless to say, there's roaring applause the second Noelle leaves (which she hears from far away because holy shit I just cleaned for people and they liked it)

This was a bit of a one-time thing and she goes back to her regular maid duties until the circus gets a new strongman by the name "Zhongli".

His style is more about lifting exTREMELY LARGE ROCKS, and breaking them in half whilst giving a history/geology lesson on them.

He quietly observes the maid who he hears fantastical stories of That One Time She Charmed An Audience By Cleaning. He was bewildered at first but saw the merit of it while watching her clean. He immediately decides that this girl has sO MUCH. POTENTIAL that is being wasted by having her work as a maid. He has nothing against maids or their profession, but he invites her to train with him.

Noelle gets hELLA stronger and they come to a conclusion. Noelle performs part-time and is a maid part-time. She doesn't have a particular performance style. She'll sometimes play catch with Zhongli and his big rocks, other times she'll be in the background of performers like Amber in the art lifting some hEAVY SHIT.

She gets along with Chongyun super well bc Chongyun has to make less trips to move his equipment since he's worked with her. She's a blessing for when they have to pack up and move.

Amber:

Amber's story is a little more straightforward. She started out engaged to a suitor. Amber was the kid in kindergarten who was learning about dragons and "idk what everyone else was doing". She's known what she wants for a long time, and what she wants at the moment, is not a relationship.

Throughout her childhood she was a very lonely child. Her family exposed her to lots of academic or ladylike things (do not ask me when this au is set, it's the 1800s and the 1990s at the same time or a suspendes steampunk time) to get her away from the thing she liked most: archery. She'd been exposed to it as a kid and latched on.

This drove a bunch of suitors away, so her family got more desperate and exposed her to more classes and activities to get her away from it. She went "that's easy, I'll just practice at night"

So she does that. She practices at night and underperforms in the coming weeks. It is during this time that her parents (high class ppl) find her a man to marry for some business deal idk.

The man's nice enough. It's just obvious he can only take Amber in small doses, and Amber takes full advantage of this to practice and stay in shape.

How Amber gets into the circus life was essentially running away. She bonds with Eula over this.

So because of all the attempts to make her fit into the ideal lady description, her rebellious streak said "yeah we're going to go as far away from that as possible" and she goes "I'm going to run away with the circus" bc that's what the books she's read say is the most rebellious thing you can do.

She finds THE FIRST circus she sees and begs to be let in. This is the shadiest most sketchy place but Amber sees it as the key to her freedom. She signs a contract.

They treat her like the US treats their students. She barely gets time to practice for performances and she's mostly doing dirty work. When they ask her what she can do she's like "I'm really good at archery" and they go "cool, you're going to be doing that while everything is on fire now. Can you do a handstand"

Essentially they push her and push her and push her to do more and more hazardous things she has to pick up on under the threat of being kicked to the curb.

After a while of this Amber is extremely burned out (pun intended) and as she's packing up after one of her shows, covered in burns but proud bc she hit all her targets without killing anyone, she's approached by a blond foreigner.

Tbh for all she's read, Amber really doesn't consider leaving and this time she can't run away since she's now bound by a contract (not Zhongli's btw in case anyone was wondering).

This foreigner tells her that there's so many ways to improve her situation and that he runs a circus looking for members.

Amber refuses since she's not getting tangled up in another legal mess, but she takes his advice on how to take care of her burns, and improve safety while she's performing.

Skip a few months. She hears word of this mysterious new circus around. Her encounter with who she'll later know as Aether stuck with her, and so she goes. To see whether she could really shoot her arrows without being burned alive.

After a show one night, she tries to get past security and fails repeatedly. She turns to leave and wouldn't you know it there's Aether. And Lumine. Waiting for her once she turns the corner. Amber's biggest concern is her existing contract and when Aether and Lumine say they have a nICE lawyer, Amber sees her next step to freedom.

Aether and Lumine essentially gain custody of Amber (but like for adults) and Amber is. Shocked. She's walked through her new contract of employment clearly and essentially treated like a human being.

And now that she knows things and has more freedom (though still under the watchful eyes of Aether and Lumine to see how she does) her creativity and competitive streak flourish. She decides she actually doesn't hate fire, she just doesn't like when she doesn't know when or where it's coming. And she makes fast friends with the gymnasts, so she ends up incorporating that into her routines. Now she uses her canon goggles to protect her from the burning eyes of prolonged smoke exposure when she uses fire.

When she meets a little pyromanic girl named Klee, she's thrilled that someone this chaotic and sure of herself exists.

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

[notbecauseofvictories]

Hi, Sarah! I'd like some advice if you could dispense it. I'm an English and French major rn. My parents are telling me that graduate school is a must, but if I go into English, they won't pay for it because it's not a sustainable career. They're pushing for law school, and I'm tired enough to agree. So, I'd like to ask, what is law school like? And is the money worth it? Because the main reason I'm considering it is because I have a physical disability, and I hella need the money/healthcare

Answering this question is complicated by the fact that the legal sector has been hit with the same crushing blow as the rest of the economy. Most courts are shut down for all but emergency matters right now, and corporate clients aren’t doing any new business, so law firms are furloughing and firing staff in response. Given that in 2019, legal hiring was juuust returning to pre-2008 levels, the impact of this is going to be felt for a long, long time.

Something to think about.

Anyway, before I even get into law school and whether it’s a good idea to go to law school, I want you to take a step back and question some of your parents’ wisdom. Why is graduate school required? Do you want to go to graduate school? What purpose would an MA or a PhD serve---do you want to teach, and the school district requires an MA? In your fantasies, are you a professor of English Literature? How does that fit in with your needs? (As someone with a lot of friends getting PhDs right now, the academy tends not to be super supportive of folks with disabilities, and only a fraction of working professors are earning anything approaching hella money. Spending 5-7 years working extremely hard only to end up an underpaid adjunct is a reality many bright scholars contend with.)

Even if you agree with your parents and decide that graduate school is the way to go, I’d still caution you about going straight from undergrad to grad without a clear idea of what you want out of it. If it’s possible in your situation, I would try and find a job, and work for a year or two---working between college and law school was the best decision I ever made, and it was abundantly clear from the very first day of class who had spent some time in the real world, and who hadn’t.

But now to answer the question you actually asked:

I enjoyed law school. I’ve always liked learning, reading and writing, and law school has that in abundance; if you’re bright and detail-oriented and don’t mind reading lengthy cases, you’ll be fine. As someone who earned her own highly impractical Bachelor’s degree, I found that the only real difference between college and law school was law school’s emphasis on the professional---we were there to get a job. Yes, classes were important and legal theory was interesting, but only if you paired that with networking events, internships, and cozying up to professors who made job placements.

(I’ve talked before in my “some things rats won’t do” tag about the particular struggles of law school, I won’t rehash them here.)

I do make good money. I’m not at a large firm so I’m not making hella good money---some of the students I graduated with are pulling down six figures, easy---but it’s certainly more than I was making before I went to law school. However, I can’t say whether it’s “worth it” because this is what I wanted to do. I’m not enduring something for a paycheck, this is my chosen career; the paycheck is just fair compensation for my time and services. Wanting this, having chosen law school for myself, having chosen which law school, having fought for a career in health law...it makes it easier. I’m not sure how I’d handle the ups and downs of my job if this hadn’t been my choice in the first place.

I’m not saying that you can’t be a lawyer just for the money. But before you sign up for three expensive years of studying, networking, long hours, internships and hustle---before you sign up for a lifetime of billable hours, hostile clients, and high-strung, competitive peers---I would sit with yourself and really think about that choice. Seriously consider whether that’s something you’re prepared for. Understand that a JD isn’t a guarantee of benefits and a generous salary, as my underemployed or COVID-furloughed colleagues know. Spend time considering whether that’s a road you want to go down.

Once you’ve figured out whether that’s something you can see yourself doing---once you’ve figured out whether grad school is even the right move for you at this moment---then you can go back to your parents and have an honest conversation about what your future might look like.

Though of course you could always just show them this video:

[lebrookestore]

hey! sorry for the late reply,

I somehow missed that you answered my ask and just saw it ?? anyway

F for getting the exams postponed because that's always a double edged sword when you're already prepared to face them, mine got over today 🌛

about being "full-study mode", I don't think that's even possible for me until we get to pick our preferred subjects in 11th because I might be a bit interested in what I have to study in History but that interest just gets shattered because the fact that I have to learn some dumbass trigonometry table for another exam lives rent free in my mind.

the most I can do is summon enough concentration to study something once and hope for the best and it ends up working out so good enough lol

and ye, that need to defend adults, especially parents is a thing I've seen in most of my friends, it's weird as fuck

I'm just waiting for that day where we can openly admit they were kind of dickheads when we don't live with them anymore and stop giving too big of a shit about what they say since it's pretty hard to ignore someone when you're constantly with them 🌚

for the username, ye i'm comfortable with it! I was planning to change it anyway along with customising how my blog looks

and the whole putting a timer on your phone is hardcore, I genuinely don't get why some parents do shit like that, it's a sum total of v e r y s t u p i d (not that I want to know)

and ye I do fanart and stuff and am planning to make one inspired from one of your fanfics so that is where that idea came from lol

my random nct song for this ask is "love me now" !

here's a pic of my cousin's dog for good luck lol

ah yes, this is me answering this ask A WEEK LATE gbye i retire🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

BUT AYE YOUR EXAMS GOT OVER!! IM LATE BUT IM STILL HAPPY FOR YOU MAN I have three more left and im just doing the whole late night study thing lmao.

i actually have to be in full study mode because i fell behind last year and i mean really FELL because i just couldn't adjust and couldn't;t focus properly or anything so this year I'm literally just pulling all the stops. but i actually totally understand the whole only being interested when you have a choice of subjects because then you're actually interested in what you're studying!! as someone with adhd I CANT WAIT FOR ELEVENTH!!!

and AMEN I'm tired of trying to justify my parents behaviors even though i know I'm right like yes you're my birth giver but it doesn't mean you have access to the forbidden fruit and are always right👍

I think your blog looks great!!!! i love the desktop theme hehe<33 AND YEAH i can't even download anything on my phone without my dads approval like sir why🤨🤨

HOLY SHIT REALLY?? MAN IM HONORED MAKE SURE TO TAG ME IN THE FANART PLS ILL MAKE SURE TO CRY!!! im curious tho which fic?👀👀

bless you im listening to love me now rn omg, and your cousins dog is hella cute i think he gave me the strength for my business exam KSDJ

[little--leaves]

He gets very creative!! He loves to sit on my shoulder ever since he was a kitten but it's getting harder everyday since he's such a big boi now and weighs a lot lmaoo 😂 but I love him so I let him be. 🥺❤

Ohmyy I'm so jealous of you rn 😔 I can't even see the moon from here. But hopefully when we move apartments I would be able to see it well because I really wanna put my bed by the window. 🥺

I have ordered a few plants but they're plastic now so my cat won't eat them and get sick. The look he gave me the other day after realizing he just bit a fake plant. He was like 😾. Looool 😂

I've been meaning to ask, how long does your shift last? You seem really busy. A busy bee 😂 - 🦁

That's so cute omggg😂😂well you can't deny a cute cat anything so I get you😌

Yeees having your bed by the window is amazing!! Especially because I love sleeping with my window open so you get fresh air😌 I can't have my bed up against it though because it's actually a balcony door :(

Ahahah omg I can imagine his face😂😂 what's his name?🥰

I work from 9-6:30. Also a reason as to why I want to study to become a teacher💀 better work hours cause it's a lot :/ but it's also hella fun so it's not too bad. Also oml, I almost called my boss dad AGAIN at work today💀 I almost died

[blackrupee]

Wow your life sounds complicated right now I'm sorry for that. So you aren't gonna have any managers what the fuck? And OH MY GOD I hate when people come in to eat so close to close!!!! ( I work @ zaxbys) if someone is acting passive aggressive I would act even more passive aggressive- make that bitch regret it- regarding the 2 guys: 2 guys is better than no guys:))) wish the first one didn't pressure you though. How did the 2nd one hurt you? - and I care so don't worry about boring me

hi hello would you like to read a novel on my life thanks i talk too much (tldrs at end)

nah like.. we had been managing with a general manager and 3 assistant managers even though we really need 4 so as not to overwork anyone. we recently hired a new one from a corporate arbys (we’re franchised) and two just quit. like i mentioned, theyre not coming back even though the original plan was that their new jobs would be only temporary (6 weeks). sooooo now we have a general manager who only works weekday day shifts, one assistant manager who is relatively new (she had been working at this place for a while but was promoted to manager 6ish months ago) and another who is brand new but still has some experience. they said theyre looking to promote from within initially, but they might have to hire outside people if no suitable potential manager is picked. id love to get manager pay and its not like managers do anything hard so id be WILLING to be a manager..like the whole reason why i got trained on backline was because we have such a big turnover rate with backline people since it fucking SUCKS and i was wanting to be helpful and flexible. so like. thats what i offerred. but one assistant manager was like “lmao all youd do is swear at the customers” and im like bitch when have i ever?? i talk shit about them all the time but ive only sworn IN FRONT OF a customer twice and neither time was it directed at them. but i mean im sitting on a small handful of customer complaints so its not like the gm would even consider me probably. idk dude. i can be nice if you pay me to be nice. but i get paid to do food and do it fast……….so

but yeah literallyyyyyyyyy i have no idea how people can be so??? inconsiderate???? and they dont??? care??? im learning that my contant frustration with people in my personal interactions is due to a disconnect between what i value in  expectations and what actually happens. like. when i go somewhere i already KNOW what i want, so i say it quickly and competently. i preface a lot of my interactions with people im requesting food or services from with “i’m sorry but…”. i phrase things as “could i get” as opposed to “get me” or “i want” which sound HELLA rude tbh. id always have my money ready at the window or the register, im always trying to pay attention and not miss anything or just….be rude in any way bc i know fast food fucking sucks. i know some of the people i interact with probably hate their job as much as i do and i want to be the smallest burden i can be. and it seems like nearly no one else has these same values???? and i dont understand how people can just??? be? so? inconsiderate?

also yes bitch im the queen of passive aggression. literally the night before i was working a short shift and my friend was closing frontline and this bitch was closing drivethrough. i just got the okay to clock out and i was like “bye! have a beautiful night! just know that i love you so much and ive everything ive ever said has always been fake until this point! never meant anything ive ever said until now especially if your name starts with k or ends with ristin (drivethrough girl/the one whos being so difficult is named kristin) but just know that i love you!” and basically being really dramatic and extra as satire.

i guess for context the whole reason she decided to be mad at me was the other night when she was drunk and was like “do you even likeeeeeee meeee i feel like you hateeeee meeee wahh wahh wahhhh” even though im like…..yes bitch i enjoy your company? i joke/use hyperbole/satire/irony/whatever a lot but like occasionally id be like “ey yo you know its all jokes right u know i love u right” just to ensure that she knows but she fucking. ignores it all. i feel like she so desperately WANTS me to hate her and tbh i got fucking sick and tired of hearing her complain all the time about this shit! i fucking hate repeating myself! so sure. if you want me to hate you so fucking much there. i hate you. i fucking hate you so fucking much. like is that what you want to hear? is that validating? are you fucking happy?

its so fucking frustrating

but i will not be held accountable for her decision to be upset. because thats what it is. she wants to be upset, and she wants me to be responsible for it when its literally not my responsibility. i am absolutely not going to stand for this shit like i kind of want to say its emotional abuse lmaooo but im just so fucking sick of it. 

everyone knows that i take chicken tenders and turnovers that would be thrown out at the end of the night and she was closing frontline yesterday and made a point to throw out the turnovers right next to me without asking if i wanted any/leaving any for me. i mean i completely expected her to be that petty of a bitch so it was kind of funny tbhonestly. also im p sure she unfollowed me here lmaoo

with regards to the guys and this paragraph could get a bit tmi/nsfw: yeah the first one kind of sucked but i feel like a little bit of the New Person Nerves have worn down so id do better if we were to hookup again. because like i totally would love to have fucked him but…..anxiety. he was hot tho. like 10/10 body and ass holy shit. plus he complimented me on my ass eating so (assuming that was genuine and not a vapid ego boost haha paranoia am i right) hopefully he comes back for seconds. 

second guy ive had a longish history with. started talking to him at the beginning of last fall semester and we hooked up kinda regularly for about a month. things fell apart, we both understood that we wouldn’t be good dating wise but still enjoyed meaningless cuddles. whatever. it got to a point where he would only hit me up like once every month and a half or so and towards like january-ish he hits me up again. so im like nice cool lets chill. im getting ready for this but my phone is in the other room. while im doing this he drove by my place to pick me up (since he was on his way back from nashville), didnt get a response to an “im here” text (bc i was busy and tbh not expecting him to do that), and left. he lives within like walking distance tho so im like “?? sorry i was busy are you still out or should i walk over?“ and he texts me like “sorry hold up a thing just happened” and im like…….okay. so im just.. waiting around for him. periodically texting like “hey are we good for tonight and whats going on?” because like there was some drama with his friend? hes like.. apologizing and shit but this goes on for an hour. BUT. the ENTIRE time he’s dealing with this friend problem or whatever he’s literally on grindr. and at the end of this hour im like in full blown paranoia panic mode and i literally text him something mentioning this and he BLOCKS ME ON GRINDR so im like ??????!!!!??? and i text him (all while saying “not to be crazy or paranoid bc im probably coming off that way but like could i get an answer or something??”) AND HE LITERALLY SAYS HE DELETED HIS GRINDR. but thats a LIE because i have a secondary account to see like……if guys are still on grindr/if a thing with a guy might turn into something more like if i see he’s not on grindr as much?? thats prob incredibly stalkerish and probably really creepy but hey. thats me. so i KNOW he lied to me but i cant really say “hey ur a liar” without disclosing this weird creepy stalker part of me (funnily enough this isnt the first time a guy has lied to me and i caught it with my secondary account! so it proves to have some function use in the end. not totally crazy). so. yeah. that was the incident. after this i dont trust him at all, and i still dont, but i had it in my mind to like somehow get him to fall in love with me just so i could break his heart for doing this? never really worked out. so now im at the point where im like….eh he’s a piece of shit and i hate him but ill cuddle with him bc it feels good

back to nsfw/tmi: the sex was okay. he’s weird about people being near his like….dick and stuff because he was raped and i totally get it bc i was too but he was comfortable enough for me to finger him and my finger still hurts from where he clenched when he came lmaoooooo. was totally hot tho. and i got to east his ass so im like eyyyyyyyy. its been so long since ive eaten ass so having it two consecutive nights in a row has been cathartic.

tldr; we have 2 assisant managers and a gm rn. looking for more

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; he’s a liar

[semiautomatic-mouth]

I am being So Dumb. And being cognizant of this somehow makes it worse, because I am Aware of how dumb I'm being but I Can't Stop. So it's like watching a train wreck or passing a bad accident: I can only look on at the carnage, but have no effect on it in any way. And that fucking sucks when the carnage is My Own Emotional Stability. Okay. So I'm hormonal rn. I have cramps, wanna cry/die, and chocolate needs to be filling my body, etc. etc. #justuterusthings It makes sense that I'm feeling this way, and that's how I know how dumb I'm being. But. Ugh. I have Forced myself not to text or snap him today bc 1)I have been going too wild w the amount of messages and snaps(mostly nudes) I send him, to the point where I need to just Chill a bit--which is real hard when you have no chill to speak of--and, 2)He has his kid this weekend, so he will be hella busy with her, and itd be shitty of me to demand his attention, or even try to steal it, when he's got priorities and important obligations. The consequences, thusly, are my languishing in the dark in my living room at 1:20am, and the burgeoning itch--desire, as it were, not a literal itch--happening in places hed be able to scratch for me. This is the Dumb. I have been on sex probation since we last hooked up, for the v logical reason that he wanted to make sure I didn't have any STIs, as any new sexual partner should be concerned abt. Of course I got tested, even though I knew I was negative for everything. We met on tinder and I wouldn't trust my word alone either. So I waited. Wed hung out a couple other times during the waiting period, but strictly platonically. I could tell there was something boiling beneath his surface by the way we were always touching in some small way or his casual mentions of sex, or when he Took His Fucking Shirt Off while we were smoking in his master bath and Admired his like...pelvic V thing--you know, the V--and he was talking idly abt it, running his fingers along the veins with his pants So Low and I wanted to get on my knees right there. But I also respect his safety concerns, and don't wanna coerce him into something he would potentially regret--even if it seems like he would easily give in. I don't know his mind, and I'm just starting to learn abt him in general. And obviously comfort and consent are key. So I was waiting for my results. For physical copies as tangible proof. And I got them. Yesterday. I showed him, and I thought he would respond, but he didn't. Maybe bc he was busy, or knew that responding would be useless bc I asked if we could celebrate the good news, but he is super busy w his kid and work and life, so clearly sex with some random tinder girl is not even close to a priority on his agenda. But when he doesn't respond to me, I immediately believe that he's done w me. I need to chill. That's~probs~not the case.