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queenhermionelambert-blog · 7 months

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First post in my Daniel Durant Character Headcanon series: James Kennedy (Netflix's YOU; Season 2 Episode 6 "Farewell, My Bunny.")

1. James Kennedy was born 3 weeks before his mother's due date and became so colicky that not long after he was born, he had to spend a few weeks in the NICU. He was the youngest of 3 because his mother had already had 2 daughters, both of whom were older than their baby brother James. He was definitely closer to one of his sisters than the other, but there was love between all 3 of the siblings. The doctors told his mother that he was deaf when he was a baby, and his mother and both of his sisters decided to learn sign language to communicate with him. James never knew who his father was because he left before his son was born. James had a very vivid imagination since he was the baby in his family and would cry if his middle older sister tried to leave him. His oldest sister had a drug problem as an adult, and young James would often try to get a hold of her, but to no avail. He would catch the flu a lot and get sent home from school quite frequently. His middle older sister would take care of him whenever his mom or oldest sister were away or busy and comforted him whenever he was scared or sad. Whenever his sister would ask him if he ever wanted to have kids, he would sign, "I'm not ready for that yet."

2. James met Love Quinn in college, and they traveled a lot together throughout their relationship. His middle older sister would often tell his future wife to try to be careful with him, but she also knew that her little brother would never do anything to hurt anyone, not even his own future wife. Love promised her future sister-in-law that the former would take good care of the latter's little brother, which Love did a mostly good job of.

3. When James's mom told him that his oldest sister had passed away from an unfortunate drug overdose, his middle older sister reached out to him and sent him her condolences, and she discreetly told her baby brother that she was pregnant with her first child. Even though he was surprised about his big sister being pregnant while he was still reeling from such a hard loss, he was also very happy for his sister and her partner getting ready to bring a new life into the world. By the time his baby niece was born, James went straight to the hospital to visit and support his sister through the birth, and it was worth it.

4. When James and Love got married, Love's younger twin brother Forty and James's mom, sister, and niece came for their wedding. Because Love's parents were incredibly distant towards both of their children, she was only ever really close to her brother growing up, but her mother still approved James.

5. James's family was still quite happy for him getting married to Love, and they would continue to send him sweet messages on his birthdays and even his 1-year wedding anniversary.

6. When James's middle older sister heard that he was sick, she supported him going into remission for his illness.

7. James's death hit his mom and sister really hard, to say the least. They were absolutely devastated when they found out that their son and brother had died, and they cried at his cremation. His middle older sister would cry often at night and miss her baby brother and wish that he had been able to get out of his situation with his widow, Love Quinn, and find happiness with whatever he had planned to do with his life. Forty comforted James's middle older sister, and the once close sisterly relationship that James's widow and his middle older sister had begun to develop when he and Love first met had become quite distant, but it was also evident that both women still had quite a mutual love and grief for their husband and brother, even though James's sister was understandably quite weary and concerned about her sister-in-law seemingly treating her brother like a baby, which he wasn't, and also emitting concerning and dependent behavior towards him in the moments leading up to his death, and it ultimately made the moment where James's middle older sister found out that his wife had killed him a betrayal to the former. His sister went to therapy for all of the trauma caused by her sister-in-law killing her brother.

Long story short, James Kennedy deserved so much better! 🤟🏻💔🥺😭🤧🖤🕊🤍🦋🫂

#daniel durant #spring awakening headcanons #daniel n durant

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daffodilfool · 7 months

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Diary Entry.

Wednesday 04-10-2023

It's spooky month

i missed the first couple days but god damnit who cares

I keep this diary for ME and MYSELF ONLY!

i had a thought this morning which i dont know how to feel about it

i find a strange comfort in knowing the last thing ill ever remember is Outer Wilds

when im 90 years old and riddled with alzheimers and dementia and i've forgotten who i am, who my friends and family are, and everything ive ever made, i will still cry when i hear the calm guitar of timber hearth and the rushing water of the geysers

theres a tumblr post i think of from time to time, while its not exactly a poem in the traditional sense i do think it would be fair to call it such

"I hate it when I can't even write a poem about something because it's too obvious. Like in the aribnb I was at I guess it used to be a kid's room cause you could see the imprint of one little glow in the dark star that had been missed and painted over in landlord white. Like that's the poem already what's the point? You get it. You get the themes. I don't have time to do it justice. Just look at it. It's on the ceiling."

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theres a lot of stuff like this

i too have a painted over glow in the dark star in my room

well

a chunk of it

the adhesive stuck to the wall so well we couldnt get it off and the arm snapped leaving only the tip glued to the wall

i still see it through the paint sometimes and wonder if someone in the future will see it and think about it when we eventually move out of the house

fossils too

a living being from millions of years ago frozen in time, quite literally set in stone

as little as a half mandible is enough to reconstruct an entire animal and its life

the lives of those around it

here we are, millions of years later, fawning over a rock with an odd shape

we give it life

we give it personality

we study every inch of its remains all to craft a story of the unknowable world before us

part of it is pursuit of knowledge, sure

but deep down do we really ponder the past because WE want to?

or do we remember the lost souls who have slumbered within the earth for eons to keep the memory of those who are no longer with us alive

Death in life is the death of the body, yes, but so long as you've made a mark, any mark, any sign of your existance, did you ever truly die?

Outer Wilds is poetic

it drives us to find out the dreams and goals of the Nomai

and we say we do it because we want to figure out the mystery

but if it really was just that, how come i still think about Outer Wilds despite knowing everything that happened

to the Nomai

to the Hearthians

to the Owlks

I'm done with Outer Wilds

I've done everything

theres nothing more for me to learn

and yet i keep returning to the game

if for no other reason than to simply say hi to the Hearthians

and to honour the dreams of the Nomai

and to help the Prisoner move on

why is it that when i open the game i spend my first 10 minutes simply standing in the middle of the town and listen to the rushing waterfall and the soothing music

and why is it that when i hear the banjo and the crackles of the Hatchlings campfire get lit, I cry?

by the time im old

when my brain has rotted

i will be looking through everything ive ever written

everything ive ever said

ill be looking through this very diary

you wont remember me

you wont remember baba

you wont remember thyme, or ava, or nessie, or ash

you wont remember your sister, your dog, your mom or dad

you wont remember all the poems you wrote

you wont remember all the drawings you did

you wont remember all the characters you've spent so much time playing with and putting in silly situations

you wont remember the nomads

you wont remember the Janitor

but I know for a fact that whoever is taking care of you by then will put on the theme of Outer Wilds

and i know for a fact that you will remember

You'll shed a tear, and it will be the product of every piece of art you've experienced, everyone you've ever cared about, everything that has had an impact on you, molded you and changed you as a person.

In that moment, though you may not remember me, you'll know that we're still the same person.

Deep down I know you're aware that, despite everything,

I love you.

#diary #outer wilds #echoes of the eye #art #poetry #poem

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mcjour · 9 months

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doot doot doot gotta start typing cuz i'm losing my fucking mind

i'm feeling a lot of feelings right now but i never found a healthy way to express my feelings growing up so i kind of feel like i am drowning and exploding and suffocating and bottling it the fuck up as well.

also i am supposed to start my period at any moment now so i am sure that is only amplifying the emotions.

my mom and stepdad have covid. let's stop right there. because i'm sure my mom thinks i'm mad at her for getting sick. if you're reading this, first of all, fuck you for reading my stuff. secondly, i'm not mad about that. because i realize it's just chance that it was you. and unavoidable in this shit society we live in that doesn't take a pandemic seriously.

but i am still pissed about all of the circumstances surrounding it.

first of all, the awful timing of it all. i am due back at school in a week. i am not going to be thrilled if i have to already use up sick days in my first week back!

but more than that, i have been sooo looking forward to going back to school. i fucking love back to school season, first of all!! but i am finally happy and stable with my job for once in my whole life. i am excited to return back to that. not to mention that i missed the beginning of the year last year because i was placed in a different assignment. this is my first time doing kindergarten screenings, my very first first day of kindergarten. i am so excited to do it. a little nervous too of course, but an excited nervous. now that is all up in the air.

just a couple months ago, i had to miss the school concert performance and my birthday because i was sick. those were devastating losses to me. even though life is cyclic and i always have next year. that didn't make me any less sad. i was straight up sobbing in the shower to the point that my mom asked if she needed to call an ambulance.

and i think that is a trigger for me too, getting too excited for things and too happy about things and getting them swiped away in an instant. or getting let down. it's the city year trauma, the birthday trauma, all the trauma.

and i've been trying my best to be careful too. i heard about the spikes. i've been doing outdoor stuff. when i've gone to the movie theater, i've specifically sought out the 9am showings even though it is a pain to get up that early. i've been putting off a target trip for weeks because again, i don't want to get up early to go at a non busy time. i could be doing more and all that, i'm far from perfect. but it is a bit frustrating. especially since i knew i wanted to cool things down before school started to make sure there was no chance of anything!!! and here we are.

and it's also just what a miserable society we live in. because okay, maybe i am safe this time. maybe the week passes and i never end up catching it. okay. well i'm sure it'll go around school in another 2-3 weeks. maybe i'll catch it then. great. so what was the point of all this.

part of me thinks i should just intentionally catch it now and get it overwith. again though, can't guarantee timing and i would hate to miss work over it. and also, duh, covid is not something you play around with. i don't want to intentionally infect myself with something that could actually end up disabling me long term/ forever.

i also spent all of last week at school so i could still have this week off to have fun. blah.

another thing that is bothering me is the germs. generally speaking, i am a major germophobe and i think everyone knows that about me. so i already spend enough time paranoid about catching various illnesses. so this is like bringing it to the next level. because all i can think about is all of the germs swarming around me in the air. i feel like it is inevitable that i will get sick. and here i am, just a sitting duck.

and what really pisses me the fuck off is that they don't seem to care. and i know they do. they are holed up in their bedroom, they are wearing a mask when they have to, etc. so it's not that they don't care.

but..... they are still parading around the house. they are shutting windows. are you absolutely fucking kidding me. i know it's a little chilly at night, but it's still summer. it's not winter. just grab an extra blanket or sweater or something. you talk about claustrophobia? that's how i feel with the same covid air floating around the house.

and i am not sure why you guys need to be walking around the house anyway? i offered to bring food to you. but i guess then you can't cling to your theory about how i am such a selfish and awful daughter.

in what world does it make sense to stand around the kitchen for an hour waiting for the pizza to heat up.

literally i wouldve heated the pizza up for you come the fuck on.

i wish i could move around the house but it doesn't feel safe. because of the windows shutting and the repeated passing through. why would i stay down there. but it doesn't feel safe in my room because it is right next to theirs, so every time they open their door, the trapped covid air must fly straight into my room. okay, maybe not. but to someone who is wildly anxious about germs, it is hard to convince your brain otherwise!!!!!

like this week would be the perfect time to start building my new lego set. however, i can't really do it in my room because i don't have like a table or even a hard surface that i could work at. i usually do all my building of new sets downstairs. well. why the fuck would i do that. downstairs is contaminated.

i don't get it, i'm not the one who is sick, so why am i the one who is most quarantined.

i know i can go outside of the house, but where tf would i go??? first of all, i've obviously had exposure, so i would feel guilt going anywhere. secondly, i'm a homebody as it is. so i'm not exactly going to have fun going out for the sake of getting out of the house.

if you still read that whole thing, again fuck you for reading my private stuff. this isn't a guilt trip. if it was, i would say it to your face. i am just so wildly unhappy right now that i needed to get all my feelings out. i have been sobbing non stop in the next room. you wouldn't know that. you never know.

and that i think pisses me off the most. i wish i had someone i could talk to about this. i have a therapy appointment tomorrow, so susan will definitely be hearing it. but wouldn't it be nice to have an actual mom to talk to. who would hear my worries and not try to spin it into how i am coming after her or guilting her or how she is the true victim in all of this. i'm not saying i have it worse than them. covid is awful and of course i feel bad that they are going through that. but it's always a competition of who has it worst. why can't i also be going through something.

why should i feel selfish about having big emotions about this? this effects more than just you.

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2busy4life · 2 years

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So this text will be a write and direct post it text about me and self harming. It's a little bit strange that I don't have memories of my childhood until the age of 12, where I had my first suicidal crisis. But my first intentional cut was with my moms razor at the age of 8. I cut in my feet and I remember how my mom struggled to stop the bleeding. I think I forgot this until the age of 20. But I really started self harming with a bomb of depression at the age of 12. I had depressions, was suicidal and started to cut with razor blades. I was bullied at school since first grade and even changed school when I was 10 or 11. But the phrases of the bullys were still the same. And I would say after few years of being bullied, you have no choice of believing what they sayed to me daily. And if you change school and they tell you the same shit you start to see al the phrases as a fact. So I was 12 and half of my life I already spend in therapy. I only cut on the surface of the skin, but always my whole left arm was a mess. I ate lotions to poison myself and I told my assist group about it. Normally they never tell your parents about all the shit that you told them, but if you start to be a danger of yourself they are forced to tell your parents. I was cutting many times a day. Every school break, ever toilet break I straight went to the bathrooms and cut myself. It was an easy relief from all the pressure the bullys put on me. With the age of 15 it became better and I was able to reduce it to 3 times a year. I was busy with my hobby horses and I spend my whole free time on the stable to take care of all horses. I started to move inti my own first appartement at the age of 18, because my home was a little bit difficult. I wasn't grown up and I failed with my whole appartement. But it was still better than home. I started again to self harm on a daily routine with 19 years. I only made it 2 weeks to cut on the surface, then my first deep cut happened. I hit a small arteries and the blood was spreading around my whole appartement. I was more shocked about what happened than about the deep cut. It was the first time I went to hospital and got stitches. From this moment cutting deep was normal, going to hospital at night was normal, getting clamps or stitches was normal. And I went to a therapy ward for the first time. But they kicked me out after 2 weeks and put me on a different hospital on the closed ward, because cutting daily isn't good if you are on a therapy ward and even tell them about your suicidal thoughts isn't good if you don't wanna end up on closed ward against your will. Because the hospital saw me the first time and I was so young they left me out after few days. But I came back very quick, because the hospital don't like it if you are pin their emergency room every night. The following years I was inpatient 80-90% of the years. We tried a lot of crazy things. Like day care from Monday to Friday and closed ward from Friday evening to monday morning. Thay really tried, but my ill head didn't. So I tried a therapy in a hospital every year, but was always the "difficult case" and because of the BPD diagnose most wards didn't trusted in what I told them. I never lied or manipulated people. But they always thought I would do that. So I got kicked out of every therapy after few weeks, because they couldn't handle me, I didn't showed any progress and most times they didn't believed me in what I said. And the I found my therapist in my city 3 years ago and I like him most of the time. It's not like we work on my past the most time, we spend 90% of our time with things that only happened the last week. I'm honest. Before covid I made progress and learned a lot of selfreflection. We thought about me going to university again. Then covid fucked the planet and my anxiety became as bad as it never was before. My normal week is self harming/destruction, suicide attempts, panic attacks and dissociations. Hospital is just a casual thing.

#Psychology #Medicine #Therapy #story time #new blog

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just-a-fuegoleon-fangirl · 2 years

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I have thousands of headcanons about daddygoleon ,mimosa's Dad ( Tabata barely mentioned them but my mind is already going wild I even thought about names for them 💀) and just the Vermillion family in general, I'm legit obsessed with them =). There is no logic behind all of these and it keeps getting more and more absurd

Note: Unfortunately my English level is far from perfect and I'm lazy af so I will only share some of then. Sorry if I made mistakes :

Headcanons about the Vermillions

Mimosa's Dad is definitely self-obsessed ( you can't blame him given his children's looks he probably has good genes 👀), a little sassy and hella sarcastic

I see daddygoleon as a mix of mereoleona and Leopold personalities ( he is either worse than his daughter or a wild goofball there's no in-between)

They are both blonde and low-key dramatic that's VERY random I know

Mimosa's Dad takes care of paperwork and all the stuff related to nobles since his older brother is probably irresponsible and careless. He was the captain of the crimson lions.

Daddygoleon always argues with momgoleon (even if I'm convinced that they really love each other :3) and it's often because he brought young mereo with him for whatever activity as long as it's dangerous

Daddygoleon's magic attribute is water even thought it doesn't match his personality at all. Momgoleon refers to him as "boiling water"

Mimosa's Dad is a simp for his wife I take no criticism

His magic attribute is related to plants just like his children

Mimosa's mom is very kind and caring, an angel in disguise

Kirsch's attitude towards commoners comes from his childhood friends and the education he got from his governess

His dad doesn't really care about commoners, he doesn't despise them but doesn't really like them either

Momgoleon and fuegoleon nearly have the same personality and because of that Mereoleona often calls him "Mom junior". He loves his mom but hates that nickname.

Momgoleon is a very composed person but turns into the scariest thing you'll ever get to see once she gets mad (you should have seen her when her two older children burned up the castle...).

Fuegoleon spends a lot of time with her reading books or gardening :)

Mimosa and Leopold barely got see their parents and were very often babysitted by Fuegoleon when they were still toddlers (I won't say the reason why because this headcanon is so absurd that I'm embarrassed to share it 👩🏾‍🦯)

Almost everyone in this family is little dramatic you can't change my mind Mereoleona is the exception and even Momgoleon gets a little too worked up about the smallest inconvenience

Kirsch once cried because he couldn't choose what he was going to wear

Leopold wrote a whole ass testament because he thought he would succumb to his illness. He just caught a cold

One day Mimosa's cat (let's just say she has one) got stung by a bee, she immediately started panicking and when someone tried to calm her down she yelled : "MY CAT IS LITERALLY DYING !!"

Fuegoleon, my man, my dear hubby, once fucking cried because he got B instead of an A . Another example: he was once baking cookies and they didn't rise, my poor boy was inconsolable

Daddygoleon was once forbidden from going out for some reason, he also wrote a testament, assuming that he wouldn't survive two more days locked up

Mimosa's Dad is the ultimate drama queen, anything that happens to him is a tragedy. He is THE diva. Caused a ruckus because his hair was, according to him, asymmetrical. No one was able to see that but just agreed with him.

They are so loud and Augustus kinda hates them for it. You can hear them arguing or just laughing at the dumbest shit from the Silva's Castle at any hour.

Fuegoleon never admits that he is wrong in an argument or a debate, he is very stubborn when it comes to his opinions even if it's about Chiken-ness or whatever, right @thoughtfullyrainynightmare ? 👀

Mereoleona almost always won whenever they would throw hands, but he is unbeatable in verbal arguments.

Mimosa's Dad and Daddygoleon have the same broken ass humor and often make those cringy af Dad jokes and Mereoleona laugh at each one.

I was planning to write something short but I went overboard 💀👩🏾‍🦯

I still have other headcanons and I can share them if y'all are interested x)

#black clover #fuegoleon vermillion #leopold vermillion #mimosa vermillion #mereoleona vermillion #kirsch vermillion

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bts-hyperfixation · 2 years

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In honour of you and half the boys having covid, how do they care for you/like to be cared for when sick. (Hope you feel better soon!🥰)

Thanks! To be honest, I'm not sure the worst has hit me yet, I'm just a little gross and tired. It did put a dampener on my new years though, so it's a zoom party for me. (I'm lucky I was hosting so now my friends are free to zoom with me /jks)

Okay, I'm gonna write three variations for each of these because for covid I would not let anyone get remotely close to me and I am following myself around with antibac aerosols and hand sani. So we have: Both with covid, He is ill with regular sniffles, His partner is ill with regular sniffles.

Namjoon: If you are both quarantined it's comfort from a distance because he isn't a fan of being clung to when he is well let alone ill. He will hold your hand from the other side of the sofa as you watch a shitty movie and he reads a book (this has made it difficult to turn the pages but he doesn't mind). If he is feeling better than you he will attempt to make ramyeon. If not he will put in an order for any food you want (If there is no delivery he sends one of the maknaes to leave it outside the door for you both).

If he is sick I think he would like to be left alone for a while, too worried about getting you sick. He would relent eventually but still demand you stay across the room to keep him company.

If you are sick he gets a bit lost. He wants to help but he isn't overly sure how he can be helpful because he can't cook and you just look so sad. I reckon he'd call his mom and have her overnight some soup or something.

Seokjin: Both in quarantine, he tries to make it fun. He comes up with lots of games to make it more interesting. He is trying his hardest to make light of a bad situation. When you are having a bad symptoms day he practically forces you to lay in bed with him and cuddle. He ordered a minifridge for your bedroom the day you both tested positive and has it fully stacked with mini cheeses, yoghurt, and water (Or something more dairy friendly for those lactose free)

If he is sick, he is more than a little pathetic about it. He makes big huffs and sighs every time you walk by to try to get your attention, even though he already has your undivided attention. Likes you to play with and pull at his hair to draw his attention away from his other aches.

If you are sick he dotes on you as much as he likes to be doted on. He will swaddle you in blankets so you physically cannot move unless he helps you out. He makes sure your hair doesn't get matted and that you are supported when you want to take a shower or bath.

Yoongi: quarantine with Yoongi is so lazy, to begin with. All your food is take away or snack but there is always tea/coffee/juice to go around. You spend a lot of time talking and sleeping with the tv in the background. After the fever breaks, he cooks a lot, too much for your appetite honestly but it's good food and very healthy (So healthy you start to miss the takeaway just a little at times).

If he is sick he tries to get you to keep away but all he really wants is to be looked after, he breaks easily when he wakes up from a nap with his head in your lap. He cuddles in, wrapping arms around your leg and refusing to let you go as he falls asleep again.

If you are sick he is constantly pouring liquid down your throat, he changes your bedding every time he manages to put you in the bath, which is every day if he can help it. You are never without snacks or cuddles.

Hoseok: Quarantine with Hobi is very sleepy. He isn't good at keeping up his sunny disposition when he is sick but he becomes a bit of a limpet, so good luck getting him to let go of you. You have to come up with activities to keep him going because he is quite happy for the two of you to wallow in self-pity together.

If he is sick it is a lot of sulking. A lot. He doesn't like feeling shitty and he doesn't like you to see him feeling shitty so he tries to convince you he is fine and then he locks himself away. You have to fight your way into him but he really does prefer if you bring food a quick peck and then leave again.

He keeps asking you what you need and if he can do anything. He buys gift baskets of candies and cold medicine. You also acquire a new gigantic teddy every time you sneeze and he is around.

Jimin: If you are both already sick there is no reason to stop kissing and cuddling is there? He kisses you until the shortness of breath kicks in, then there is a hydration/medication break. Then you go right back to kissing softly and lazily until its time for the next dose. In between being needy you play video games but you've gotta be careful, he is an exceedingly sore loser .

Whiny baby needs attention, but not too much attention. He isn't going to ask either but he will need it. Likes it when he can sit on the sofa watching tv with his feet in your lap while you draw patterns along his calves.

Pampers you. Does not care about your germs, will give you forehead smooches (to check your temperature) and cuddles (To make sure you are warm enough).

Taehyung: You try to get up and you are getting a tata mic face until you are back in his arms. Cries down the phone until Jin turns up in a hazmat with soup. Orders way too much paracetamol from the pharmacy to keep you both comfy.

Pretty similar to when you are both sick except now he wants you to bring him food instead of Jin. At one point you consider playing rock paper scissors with Jin to make him look after Tae. But he is just so sweet when he is satisfied that it's worth him being a little demanding.

The sweetest. He really doesn't understand how he can help but he tries his best. He gets everything you ask him for and makes sure you have plenty of fluffy pillows and access to all streaming services.

Jungkook: Likes to keep distracted. He will start at least 6 new couples hobbies to keep you busy. It'll start with cute easily done crafting things like colouring and knitting so you don't overexert yourselves. As you get better he would find more energized things to do like buying a pool table or just dance.

You have to restrain him to the bed by sitting in his lap otherwise he tries to do too much and takes longer to get better. He doesn't mind. When he gets agitated he starts to plait your hair to keep his hands busy. You occasionally threaten him with your handcuffs when you get up to make food.

He just wants to constantly stay at your side and keep you company. The boys have to drag him away for practice but he tells you 8 times before he leaves that he has his phone on and that you should call him for literally anything and he will rush home. Even if you had just dropped the remote and couldn't be bothered to reach for it yourself. When he comes back he brings a massive boba and some noodles for you guys to share. (You make him separate your share and his even though he doesn't want to.

Send me an ask

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stopbeingrude · 3 years

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Hi guys. Happy Gruvia/ Greige day. I wish all of you wonderful time.

That's gonna be the first one shot , i have ever published here, feedback is welcome. I hope It's not that bad and you'll somehow like it lmao.

,,I think I would rather have a plushie as a Christmas gift…., but I guess I shouldn't be too picky."

-Dad? - called 6-year-old Greige, on one December afternoon, when both him and his father were decorating a christmas-tree in the living room . December 24th was slowly approaching. It was Greige's favorite time of the year , because he was able to spend Christmas with all of his family, including all of his uncles , aunts and friends. Not forgetting about grandpa Makarov . Even Uncle Gildards would show up, bringing something for the kids. -I was wondering what would happen if Santa's reindeer suddenly wanted to pee while flying?- asked seriously little boy. No one wanted to tell him that. When he asked big bro Romeo , he just started laughing and then he called him silly. "How could he do that?" -thought heartbroken Greige after. -Heh , where did that come from? ... you know ... they'd have to stop somewhere by, right? Daddy doesn't know much about it- said Gray, trying to keep himself from laughing. He couldn't laugh, he knew it would offend his little angel. Their son hated when someone made fun of him . After all, he was already a big boy, and everyone knows that such must be taken seriously. - So maybe Mommy knows? I will go and ask her,- said the little boy, putting down Christmas decorations . Speaking of mom, he had recently noticed his mother's strange behavior. She had been getting tired very easily lately, she often took naps. He also noticed that she spent an enormous amount of time sewing ,mostly clothing. Well.. he was aware of his mom's hobby, but usually it was limited to sewing plushies, sometimes socks or fixing their clothes. - You know, I don't think mommy knows more than me - said Gray after hanging the last Christmas-ball. - Besides, you know that mommy is sleeping now, right? She hasn't been feeling well lately, so she mustn't be disturbed. Something was off, even Daddy acts differently- thought little Fullbuster Now, that got the boy worried. - Is something wrong with Mommy? - asked slowly Greige He loved Mommy and Daddy most in the world and the very thought of them suffering hurt him deeply. "No, I won't start crying…Boys my age don't do that..." He had often been told that he should stop being such a crybaby (mostly by Yajeh or Nasha . Shutora would never. She was always trying her best to cheer him up,while reminding her twin and little Dragneel that if they won't stop with this stupid teasing, she would make sure both of them would regret it later). Unfortunately Greige could not help it. Whenever someone was hurt or something went wrong, he would usually cry. Turns out he inherited his mom's sensitivity... "Mommy…..something was definitely wrong with her.." The thought of something happening to his dear Mom filled him with great terror once again. He started shaking What if she's ill, or even worse..she's gonna….. "No , no , that's not possible..." - he shook his little head full of dark , curly hair. - I'm overreacting, just like Yajeh told me - No, no.. don't worry, Greige, Mommy's fine, it's nothing serious,"-Gray said quickly, trying his best to calm his son down, giving him a hug and then kissing him on forehead He knew exactly what was going on with his beloved, in fact, when an excited Juvia came back home one evening and informed him of the pregnancy, he was overjoyed. Soon he will be holding his son or daughter in his arms. Then it hit him. The baby might turn out to be a girl, and Gray had no idea how to take care of girls...Dear God….Ok ,ok.. he still has plenty of time to learn. He can always ask Gajeel about it..yes Gajeel or Alzack...even Elfman ( he would never ask Natsu, even if he's life depended on it, that would be too humiliating for him). Wait...it wasn't his top priority right now. After all, he needs to inform his son about the news first. Neither of them was quite sure how to do it. They remembered very well the situation from a few months ago when the Redfox twins got into an argument. Horrified, Greige stated that being an only child is not that bad, since having siblings meant constant war. Although being honest , Greige never

directly told them that he hates the idea of having a sibling . Considering how much time he spent with Nasha and Elfman and Ever's daughter Ember, or year-old Reiki Fernandes, it would seem that he's perfect for the big brother role. Besides, they can't hide it forever, sooner or later he would notice Juvia's belly. However, the biggest concern for Fullbuster was the fact that such news could lead to a longer conversation, which again could lead to uncomfortable questions that Gray was not ready to answer. He is not going to tell his son about the birds and the bees. No, no, hell no… None of them are ready for this! "Come on Gray, what's wrong with you, you just have to tell him. You've been in worse situations….after all, you've fought with all sorts of criminals, weirdos and monsters ,compared to what you've been through, it's nothing''- thought the ice mage But how to start such a conversation? How about …. -Hey Greige, have you written a letter to Santa yet? "Yes, just ask him what he wants for Christmas and make a few innocent suggestions." -Oh no i didn't, thank you for reminding me Dad. - And tell Daddy, what would you like to ask Santa for? The boy was silent for a moment, most likely to think about the answer, but after a while he called out in a loud voice. -I'D LIKE TO ASK HIM FOR PEACE IN THE WORLD AND FOR EVERY POOR PERSON TO GET A BETTER LIFE AND FOR EVERYONE TO BE HAPPY!..... It would also be nice to get a new plushie……but it's not as important. Do you think Santa can do that?-he asked hopefully Gray stood there for a moment, stunned. His baby was truly an angel...wishing happiness upon the entire world, it nearly made him tear up…. but no... he needed to explain to his son that he should wish for something more....... attainable. -Ooh... really..that's....very nice of you, but...I think that such a wish...yym...takes a bit of time and Santa w-won't be able to do it…., why don't you ask him for….. for example a toy like a teddy bear, figurines....or new books or something else...I don't know.......sibling?... Greige looked at him, like he had just proposed to him to take a walk on the rooftop. Where did that come from? What is dad talking about? S-sibling...?? -Sibling? You mean like a little brother or sister? A baby?- asked the little boy loudly. -Yes, that's exactly what I meant, but well you'll need to wait for a while, because it takes time for a baby to….be ready.- mumbled out Gray - So that's not really a Christmas present- stated boy still visibly shocked -...Well y-yes , but... -But didn't you say mommy has been feeling unwell lately?...If we had a baby, wouldn't it be tiring for her?....Besides, do you think we need a new baby? - asked seriously Greige Why would they need a baby? They were living happily in this house , just three of them. It's not like he dislikes babies , they're cute and all…..but it's just simply weird.. -Well... I wouldn't say it's necessary , but it would be nice to have one at home.. don't you think?....- asked his dad Maybe? -And don't worry about mommy, I am sure that she will be so happy with the new baby , it will make her feel better.- stated Gray , this time with a smile -Hello my darlings- Juvia's voice said suddenly They both turned their heads toward the bedroom's door, finding Juvia's tired but smiling face there. Greige quickly got up and ran toward his mother. -Mommy, are you feeling better? Do you need anything?- said the little boy, hugging her legs. Juvia kissed her son's cheek. -Hi sweetheart, Mommy is fine- she answered while taking a seat next to her precious Gray, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. -Did I hear you talking about babies?- Juvia asked, pretending to be surprised, while giving Gray a tiny smirk. - Daddy said it would be nice to have a baby and that it would make you feel better... - he began. - I don't think a baby is necessary, because it would be a little strange that there will be more of us in the house, but if you really wish for one ,then that's fine with me. -Really? Mommy's glad to hear that.-

replied a happy Juvia , giving her husband a big smile. Gray gave her the same smile, but just when he thought everything had been taken care of, there came the soft voice of his baby boy. - Mommy....Daddy...but you won't love the baby more than me, will you? - asked Greige, with his head lowered and tears in his dark eyes. Both Gray and Juvia stood there very surprised, neither of them had even thought of such a scenario. -Greige, what makes you think that?- asked older Fullbuster. -Sunshine, no...- Juvia hugged her son quickly- You mustn't think like that, we would never stop loving you. Remember darling, parents love all their children equally. - You know, its true that we'll have to spend a lot of time taking care of your brother or sister, but you have to remember that they won't be able to do anything on their own. You were like that when you were born too.- said Gray - I'm sorry. I won't do that again- said Greige seriously. -Do you think I offended the baby? I don't want the baby to think I don't want him or her,- said the terrified boy .What if the baby will always remember this and he will never be forgiven. - Don't worry, honey, I'm sure she won't mind,- said the water mage, stroking her belly. -She?-Gray thought. Turns out his wife wasn't telling him everything... -Wait a minute! -said suddenly Greige after a moment of silence -The baby will be in the tummy, just like Reiki was in Auntie Erza's , right? - Well baby is already there, but your right - answered Gray -Daddy? - Yes buddy ? - How did it get there? Shit. -Yyyy… Horrified, Gray turned his gaze to his wife, silently pleading for help. -You know what, angel? It's almost 8pm, I think it's time for you to take a bath, okay?- proposed Juvia, saving her husband from very uncomfortable talk. - Ok Mommy. Will you read me a bedtime story after we finish? - Of course They were already moving towards the bathroom when Juvia quickly turned towards her husband, gave him a kiss on the cheek and whispered : -You're welcome. Has Gray already mentioned how much he loved his wife?

Bonus!:

( ok I swear it was funnier in my head...Once again Happy Gruvia day !!!)

#gruvia #greige fullbuster #one shot #gruvia day #Mila's art #attempt at humor #greige day #gruvia family-day

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mellometal · 3 years

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Is it time to tear ANOTHER Dhar Mann video to shreds? YOU BET.

I've been sitting on this one for a bit because I wanted to make sure I talk about this tactfully. The subject of parents abandoning their disabled children is a very touchy one.

Parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled is way too common. Like, I understand that not everyone has the resources to care for a disabled child (which is why you reach out for help, and why people like me, who work with disabled people, exist), but it doesn't mean you just walk out of their life. There are exceptions, like if you truly didn't want children or something like that, but just flat-out walking out of your kid's life BECAUSE they're disabled is fucked up.

I know someone personally whose biological mother abandoned her when she was born. Why? Because she's disabled. Physically, and mentally, to a point. I work with this woman on a daily basis. I don't really know WHY exactly her biological mother abandoned her, but I do know that her being disabled was part of it. It's sad. It doesn't affect her, thankfully. I'm happy that she's got her biological dad, her brother, and another maternal figure in her life, at least.

ANYWAYS. Before we get to the topic at hand, I need to put an obligatory trigger warning, like I do with EVERY Dhar Mann post:

This post will be talking about parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled, treating disabilities like they're tragedies (in this case, we're talking about autism...again), divorce, and some SPICY ableist bullshit from an allistic (nonautistic) PIECE OF SHIT.

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. This isn't worth putting yourself in a bad state mentally. I would never ask for any of you to put yourselves in that position all for a post. Put your mental health and well-being first. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

As far as my response goes, it's definitely more calm than normal. Funny....since this video is about autism spectrum disorder again. (Third time's the charm, huh, Dhar Mann? NOT.)

LET'S FUCKING GET IT.

The video starts off with these two parents (Gwen and Allen) in a psychologist's office. The psychologist tells the parents that their son (Chance) is autistic, and she tries to explain what autism is to the parents, but Allen cuts her off. Why? Because he teaches at a prestigious university, so he AUTOMATICALLY knows what autism is from that fact alone.

Um, excuse me? Just because you're a teacher at a prestigious university, it doesn't mean you're an expert in everything. It doesn't make you an expert in ASD or anything like that. Unless you SPECIALIZE in that area. Even then, shut the fuck up. The people who know about being autistic are AUTISTIC PEOPLE THEMSELVES! SHOCKER.

Hey, Dhar Mann! QUIT WITH THE VIDEOS ABOUT AUTISTIC LITTLE WHITE BOYS AND YOUNG WHITE AUTISTIC CISHET MEN! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT. It's annoying, ignorant, and it feels like you're doing this on purpose at this point to piss people off. If you're so uninformed about autism in women and girls, FUCKING ASK AUTISTIC WOMEN AND GIRLS! DO BETTER RESEARCH THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE AUTISM SPEAKS. The Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN) are great organizations to go to for any kind of research on ASD in women and girls. STOP GOING OFF OF THE BRAINS OF AUTISTIC WHITE BOYS AND AUTISTIC WHITE MEN.

I don't feel I need to go too deep into the fact that autistic women, autistic girls, autistic nonbinary people, autistic BIPOC, autistic AAPI, autistic LGBT people, autistic teenagers, and autistic adults exist. Y'all already know.

Gwen asks the psychologist if that means Chance isn't healthy. (I understand not knowing about autism, but don't treat it like it's a terminal illness. Please.) The psychologist tells her that Chance is fine, but he just learns differently and might need more support compared to his peers.

Yeah, autism can affect how you learn about certain things (limited and repetitive patterns), but there are other disabilities that can affect learning as well. Like how dyslexia can affect your ability to read, dyspraxia can affect your ability to do math, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can affect your ability to focus or on impulse control. Autism affects how your brain is developed, it affects you socially, behaviorally, and how you communicate.

Allen is upset, says that he can't have a son "with a learning disability" (ASD is a neurological disability, not necessarily a learning disability), and treats Chance like he's stupid for being autistic. Gwen tells her husband that autism doesn't make you any less intelligent, WHICH IS SO FUCKING TRUE. ABSOLUTE FACTS. I was totally with her until she began that little monologue with "Just because a person HAS autism". SAY "JUST BECAUSE A PERSON'S AUTISTIC" INSTEAD! IT'S NOT HARD. PERSON FIRST LANGUAGE ISN'T WHAT EVERY DISABLED PERSON PREFERS. Allen says that "they could have another kid" and "put Chance up for adoption". Gwen obviously wasn't down with that. Allen gives his wife an ultimatum that it's either HIM or their son Chance. Gwen says that she can't choose between the two, but she will stand by her autistic son. Allen gets up and leaves the office, saying he wants a divorce.

Years pass by, Gwen is single and taking care of her autistic son Chance, and Allen has a new life with a ✨perfect son✨ (Samuel). He never mentions the son HE abandoned (Chance). He's completely forgotten about Gwen and Chance. (YOU OWE SO MUCH CHILD SUPPORT, ALLEN.)

Hey, Allen, how much do you wanna bet that your ✨perfect son✨ Samuel is autistic too?

There's the SATs, they're announcing a winner, and guess who it is? IT'S OBVIOUSLY CHANCE, OF COURSE. He's got the highest score in the country, with Samuel in second place. Allen is PISSED.

Chance gives a speech about how his mom really helped him, he struggled with autism, how Allen LITERALLY ABANDONED HIM, and THE CROWD GOES FUCKING WILD. Samuel, instead of being a sore loser, APPLAUDS FOR CHANCE. Stay humble, Sam.

My thoughts on the video? If you cannot tell by my tone throughout this post, IT WAS DOG SHIT. This video was insensitive to the true reality of parents abandoning their disabled children just because they're disabled. What do I expect from Dhar Mann at this point?

Here's my response to his video below. Don't worry, I will fully type out my response soon for anyone who cannot read the screenshots easily. It's a lot easier for me to do that on the desktop site than it is for me to do it on my phone.

For anyone who can’t read my response, I’m typing it out for you. Like I said, it’s easier for me to type it out on the desktop site than it is for me to type it out on my phone. It’s a real royal pain in the ass. But because I’m trying to make my posts easier to read for people, I’m doing this anyway. /lighthearted

First, second, and third screenshots (broken up into paragraphs):

Hey, listen, I appreciate the message you’re trying to go for, but can you please stop putting autistic people into a box? Can you stop treating being autistic like it’s a tragedy? Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school who’s considered “wild and unruly” or “super quiet and makes no friends”, nor are they a young white cishet man who’s a super genius or is how Chris Chan was before she came out as trans. (For anyone who doesn’t know about Chris Chan, there are many documentaries people have made on YouTube, and I highly recommend Geno Samuel’s docuseries, if you’re really interested in learning about Chris Chan.)

Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, BIPOC, APPI, LGBT people, teenagers, and adults all exist too.

It’s very apparent now that you get your resources from Autism $peaks, a hate group that spends the vast majority of their money on funding eugenics instead of helping autistic people like they claim, claims that only little white boys and young white cishet men are autistic and ignores all other autistic people who don’t fit that description, have no autistic people on their leader board or on any board for that matter, have members who have actually fantasized about k1lling their autistic children, treat autism like it’s a tragedy or a disease someone can catch (completely false), act like autism should be cured (there is no cure, and ABA therapy is a total shit show in itself), and treats autistic people like they’re broken and need to be fixed. Also, not every autistic person is a Super Genius(tm). That’s so demeaning to autistic people who aren’t seen as intelligent in any way. I’m autistic and seen as smart; however, there are subjects I’m stronger in than others.

If you can’t handle the possibility of having autistic children, or just disabled children in general, DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. If you can’t handle working with or alongside disabled people, including autistic people, maybe find a different profession. Even if you do that, you’ll never get away from disabled people. Disabled people aren’t a disease. We’re human beings just like neurotypical and able-bodied people.

Fourth and fifth screenshots (broken up into paragraphs):

I would highly suggest getting resources from reputable organizations for ASD, such as the Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN). Talk to any autistic person who isn’t a little white boy or a young white cishet man.

Instead of using the puzzle piece, which is a symbol that many autistic people, myself included, are offended by (because of Autism $peaks and other organizations before them using it, plus it symbolizes that only autistic children exist and that we’re “missing a piece” like we’re broken), use the rainbow infinity sign (for all neurodivergent people) or the red and gold infinity sign (just for autistic people). Instead of “lighting it up blue”, light it up red or gold. Do both if you want.

I’m actually really sick and tired of seeing just autistic little white boys and young autistic white cishet men being represented in the media, and y’all manage to fuck that up too.

Before anyone mentions Sia’s movie “Music”, that’s also very poor representation of autistic girls. Besides, the actress who played the autistic girl isn’t even autistic. She MOCKED autistic people. I know she’s a kid, but that’s still super fucked up. I hope she’s able to turn that around.

If anyone would like to discuss this topic with me or ask any questions, feel free to. I’ll answer as best as I can. Thank you and have a good night.

Before I get attacked for mentioning Chris Chan in my response, I bring up Chris Chan because allistic people think that every autistic person is like her (especially before she came out as trans). That person is part of why I wasn't open about being autistic or talking about my diagnosis until this year. I didn't want to be grouped up with Chris Chan because I do have very similar interests to her, I've been seen as cringey for having said interests, and just the way Chris treated autistic people who were formerly diagnosed with A$p3rg3r$ $yndr0m3 (like I was) really made me feel even more alienated.

Also, S1a supports A$ (Autism $p3aks). She's not a very good person to support. Some of her music is good, but her as a person....no. Her movie "Music" was gross, from what I've read about it and seen pictures of.

If you've read this far, thank you so much!

#mello speaks #dhar mann #dhar mann talk #dhar mann will live to regret his decision to make these fucked up cringe videos #dhar mann will live to regret his decision uwu #dhar mann is a piece of human garbage #please stop supporting dhar mann #autism isn't a tragedy #we need better representation for autistic people who aren't little white boys or young white cishet men #dhar mann is a cringe ass nae nae baby #tw abandonment #tw ableism #cw sia mention #cw chris chan mention #tw dhar mann

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super-unpredictable98 · 3 years

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Exposure Therapy (The Road Within AU)

Chapter 1: Out of the Nest

Warning: Strong language, depiction of mental illness (including tics)

(Exposure Therapy Masterlist)

When I hopped off the bus, the smell of the sea immediately attacked me, but in a good way, this smell has always been comforting to me, ever since I was a little kid.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, I felt great for once, that must've been the first time in months. Being near the beach always made me feel better.

After checking once more the address written by Dr. Rose on a napkin, I took a deep breath and prayed she didn't accidentally write down the wrong number. I could always ask for directions, but... I wouldn't have the guts to talk to a random person.

Luckily, the place I was looking for wasn't far from the station, a little over ten minutes walking. I just hoped with all my might that once I got there I didn't embarrass myself. If I knocked on that door and it was the wrong one, I would probably throw myself in the ocean, become a mermaid, and never come back.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Ramona. Nice to meet you, I'm Ramona," I mumbled to myself all the way there.

It took me about fifteen minutes to muster the courage to knock, once I did, I immediately regretted it, thinking I would just look stupid standing there. Maybe this whole thing was a terrible idea. Maybe I was supposed to be at the clinic and mom was right, I can't live on my own, I can't even cook my own food or talk on the phone without having an anxiety attack...

"Hi," A tall young man answered the door, forcing me to come back from my daymares.

He had this beautiful curly hair and eyes of the purest green, his eyebrows were the thing that caught my attention though, the eyebrows and the adam's apple, probably his most recognizable traits. He twitched slightly from time to time, something I would eventually get used to and not even notice anymore.

"Hello, are you Vincent Rhodes?" I had to close my eyes to talk, I was caught off guard by how beautiful he was.

"Yeah, that's me..."

"It's so nice to meet you!" I tried to say exactly what I had rehearsed. "I'm-I'm Ramona Wilson, Dr. Rose mentioned I would come? God, I'm so terrible at this... Why can't I talk like a normal fucking person?"

"Don't worry HA! Fucking weirdo whore," he spasmed. "Sorry, I don't mean that, I have-"

"Tourette's, I know."

"It's not exactly easy to hide, is it?"

"Not really, but I already knew."

"Please, come in."

"Thanks..."

As I walked in I noticed the house was awfully clean, which I was very grateful for, since I've always been a bit of a germophobe due to the generalized anxiety disorder that leads to hypochondria. I dropped my bag by the door and put some hand sanitizer on the floor to clean the bottom of my shoes, as I always do when I enter someone's house.

"So, Dr. Rose mentioned," he cut himself off with a loud whistle and smacked himself on the head a few times, something about that situation was triggering a string of tics. "This is like a... Exposure therapy thing?"

"Well, you and your friends are sort of a legend back in Desert Bridge, what you did was just amazing," I smiled. "So Dr. Rose thought it would be a good idea for me to spend some time with you and maybe learn how to take care of myself like a normal person. She said as long as I was in the clinic and not experiencing the real world, I wouldn't be truly independent."

"See, you say that a lot... Normal. No one's normal, especially not us," he laughed.

"Vince? Who was it at the door?"

"You must be Alex," I was able to forget about that sickly feeling in my stomach for a moment. "Ramona, Ramona Wilson."

"She's the girl Dr. Rose told us about."

"Oh! The autistic one!"

"Don't be... Fuck! Don't be rude," Vincent twitched more violently this time, but by now I was so used to it, I barely realized.

"It's fine," I shook my head. "I'm the autistic one, comes with a free side of anxiety disorder and irrational fear of diseases, which is the main reason why my mom sent me there, but that's about it."

"Well, nice to meet you..."

Before Alex could finish, Vincent's phone started ringing, he picked it up and blinked a couple times frantically.

"Hello?" he mumbled into the phone and turned to Alex with a smirk. "Oh, hi! Yeah, she's here, she's okay. Don't worry, tell her mom she's gonna... Fucking cunt she's gonna call. Alright, I'll let her know, bye."

"Shit, what does my mom want?" I grunted.

"She's just worried, she wants to know if you got here okay," Vincent grinned and I had to look away. His smile was too perfect, if I looked at him, I felt like I might break.

"You're not bringing those shoes inside, are you?" Alex asked staring at my sneakers.

"I never do," I assured. "I hate to walk with outside shoes in the house, sit with outside clothes in the bed... It's just too messy."

"Wow, someone who actually gives a shit about hygiene, how wonderful! Yeah, you can stay as long as you want," he gave me a nod.

"So, when do I get to meet Marie?" I looked around.

"Oh," Vincent waved his arms. "She left, a few months ago."

"I'm sorry, I really didn't know..." I wanted to die, how the fuck could I be so stupid?

"It's fine, really," he probably noticed how distressed that made me. "We're still friends, no hard feelings. Lying cunt!"

"Don't worry, Ramona, his tics are going a little crazy right now," Alex looked back at him, he was flipping us off. "I don't know why... I'll show you your room."

"Can I get you something to eat?" Vincent asked. "You must be hungry."

"Do you have any crackers?"

"Yeah, but I don't think that's a very filling meal..."

"I get very bothered with textures, I can't eat a lot of things, so I just have a few safe options. I usually go for crackers, Kraft mac and cheese, bananas, or frozen DiGiorno pizza, but only if it's plain or four cheese."

"I'll check if we have- you fucking freak, I'll check if we have any of that."

"Thanks," I sighed relieved.

"I didn't mean that, by the way, but I guess you know..." he muttered, blushing furiously, on the way to the kitchen.

Alex guided me to an empty room with a couch that doubled as a bed. It was quite nice, looked more like the combination of an office and a guest room.

"That's where our parents stay when they come to visit or something," he explained. "Make yourself at home, just... Keep everything tidy."

"Yeah, no worries," opened my bag to grab my inside flip-flops, the only thing I wear to walk around the house.

We could faintly hear Vincent ticking in the kitchen and I hid my mouth as I tried not to laugh. It was kind of endearing in a way.

"I don't know what is wrong with him today, his tics have been a lot more controlled this last year, but it seems like he's on a roll..."

"Maybe it's me," I panicked. "Do you think I did something wrong?"

"Nah, you didn't do anything wrong. He does get like that when he's nervous, but it's not your fault."

"Oh my... Maybe I should go back to the clinic, I don't wanna cause any disturbance, I would feel horrible."

"You're not, we are happy to help you. Really, do not worry, Ramona."

"Thank you, Alex."

As he left, I got my inside clothes to change for dinner. I should probably call my mom... Not that I wanted to talk to her, but the last thing I needed was for her to call one of them and make me look like a fucking child like she always does.

"Ramona? Hey, how are you?" she asked, her voice had a weird tone to it, I didn't know if she was nervous or excited.

"I'm great, so far no anxiety attacks, well... I did need some Klonopin on the bus, but nothing unmanageable."

"How are they?"

"They are nice, I feel like I'm a huge inconvenience, but they told me I'm not."

"Well, if you need to go back to the clinic or if you need me to pick you up just text me, you hear me? If you can't manage or..."

"Mom, I'm just mentally ill, not a 3-year-old."

"You're right..." I could feel she didn't actually believe I would be able to stay. "But if you need anything just let me know. You've never been on your own before."

"I'm not exactly on my own."

"Okay, okay," she sighed. "Don't forget your meds, Ramona, the antidepressant, and the OCD one after lunch, alright?"

"I have been taking them for months, I know when to take them. By the way, would you please call Dr. Rose to tell her I need a new OCD pill? This one makes me sick to my stomach and I lose all my appetite."

"That's good, you gained all that weight after your grandpa died, maybe this will help you lose it."

"Mom! You can't be serious! You think the best way for me to lose weight is to stop eating?"

"Well, if you really want me to call her..."

"I'll call her myself, don't worry."

"You never talk on the phone, Ramona."

"I know, but this is exposure therapy, maybe I should start now."

——————————————————

As I walked to the kitchen after changing into my inside clothes, a plain tank top and some shorts, Vincent was taking the pizza out of the oven. When he turned around and found me there he nearly jumped and dropped everything.

"Big fat milkers holy fuck!"

"Um... Thank you?" I chuckled.

"I'm sorry- no I'm not. I am."

"It's fine, really," I sat down by the table. "Nice of you to notice."

He laughed at my comment and I couldn't believe that happened, someone actually liked a joke that I made! I spent most of my life scared to joke around, because every time I tried to throw in a funny remark, everyone would just stare at me and make me feel like the dumbest person on Earth.

"I didn't have plain, so I picked the pepperoni off of this one, is that ok?"

"Yeah, that's what I usually do... Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he sat down in front of me, grabbing a slice for himself.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"What? No, why?"

"Alex told me your tics are way more manageable now, but when I arrived you had a fit."

"Oh, that? It happens sometimes, it's not your fault..."

"Okay," I tried to believe his words.

"Have you called your mom?"

"Yeah, she doesn't think I'm gonna make it."

"What do you mean by that?"

"She doesn't think I can live without her or outside of the clinic, that I'm some sort of incapable child."

"I know what you mean... Once my dad told me I couldn't even get to 7-Eleven by myself, but here I am."

"That's why I think Dr. Rose sent me here."

"Maybe she sent you here to- SUCK MY COCK," Vincent thumped his chest a couple times.

"I don't think she would send me here to do that..."

"You're really funny, you know that?" he smiled once again, and once again I had to look away to avoid feeling overwhelmed. "I was gonna say maybe she sent you here to have a taste of the real world."

"Wait, hold on," I stopped him, confused. "You really think I'm funny?"

"Yeah, why? I'm not supposed to?"

"Nobody thinks I'm funny. Actually, I spent most of my life hearing that I'm very unfunny."

"A lot of people get offended by my tics, even when they know I have Tourette's, but you take it so lightly. Then you say something funny, suddenly I'm not embarrassed anymore."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed for something you can't control."

"Well, it's kinda hard when you scream 'I have a bomb' in the middle of an airport..."

"How did you get out of this one?" I barely noticed that I was now eating with my hands, something I normally never would've done.

"I have this," he reached into his pocket and showed me a little card from the Tourette Association of America. "Thank God..."

"Oh, that's neat. When I was in elementary and middle school, my mom made me wear this stupid tag around my neck with her contact info and shit. Needless to say that only caused more bullying."

"Don't get me started on the bullying! I had to drop out of high school, it was impossible for me to be in class, and teenagers being the assholes they are didn't help. They were constantly trying to trigger me, repeating my tics, laughing..."

"Well, I'm glad you got better," I finally gathered the strength to look into his eyes. "Maybe you could finish high school."

"I do online school, but I still have a long way to go. You saw me earlier, it was madness."

"Have you noticed, Vincent?"

"Noticed what?" he looked at me puzzled.

"You haven't ticked at all ever since you told me to suck your cock."

"Oh my God... That's true!" he grinned. "I guess I didn't! And I thought I was the one supposed to help you here."

Tag List: @elliethesuperfruitlover @firstpersonnarrator @spanishmossmagnolia @a-ghoulish-tale @seanfalco @badsext

#the road within #the road within fanfic #the road within vincent #vincent rhodes #vincent rhodes x oc #fanfic #robert sheehan fanfic #robert sheehan character fic

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multiplefandomfics · 3 years

Text

Relations 2.0

So guys, this is kinda an alternative to Relations I posted yesterday. This time with a Rogers! Reader. I hope you enjoy.

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Warnings: angst, kidnapping, violence, trauma, nightmares, PTSD, unprotected smut, alzheimers, kinda AU

Words: 3702

"How is she today?" you asked your cousin.

"Not much changed. I'm just happy she remembers us." She answered.

"Did she tell you something new?"

"No, not really. You want to go in now?"

"Yes, I don't know but it always makes me happy to see her. No matter what state she's in." You smiled at her.

Peggy was your fathers mother and you loved her. She had taught you and Sharon how to be brave and independent women.

"Hello grandma. How are you doing today?" You sat down next to her.

"Oh, how nice of you to visit me, my dear." She smiled at you. "I slept very well. How was your day?" Peggy might have an illness which ate away at her memories but she was the most courteous person on the planet.

“Oh, you know just as always. S.H.I.E.L.D is definitely keeping me on my feet.” you smiled at her.

“Yes, yes, I can imagine.” she took your hand.

You talked a bit more and listened to stories you had heard a 1000 times before but still enjoyed seeing your grandma so happy.

Then your phone rang.

“Agent Carter? We need you at the facility immediately.”

“I’ll be right there.” you answered.

“Grandma, I’m sorry I gotta go. Duty calls. I'll come back as soon as I can, I promise.” you kissed her on the forehead before you left.

“Good that you are here. We have found something incredible way up north embedded in ice.” Agent Coulson told you and handed you a file.

When you opened it up and saw the pictures you gasped loudly and had the urge to sit down.

The photographs showed your grandfather, frozen in uniform and with the shield. You recognized him immediately.

“Y/N are you alright?” Coulson asked.

The problem was that no one knew your family history. Peggy had kept quiet about her unplanned pregnancy and the whereabouts of the father. She had gotten married while still pregnant and in those times no one questioned that the baby was way early.

“Yes, no, I mean… I don’t know. I can’t believe you found him. Now the nation can finally bury their fallen hero.” you mumbled.

“Oh, you must have misunderstood. Captain Rogers isn’t dead. He’s in recovery.” Coulson explained.

“What? How is that possible?”

“Well the ice must have preserved him and the serum in his veins kept him alive.”

Not even a second later rang Coulson’s phone. An Agent called from Times Square. Steve Rogers had woken up and figured out that something was not right so he escaped the room where he was supposed to recover.

“I need to talk to him. I think I will be able to calm him. This must be awful for him.” you begged Coulson.

“Alright, let’s go. Times Square is just around the corner.” you jumped into your car and drove speeding down the streets of New York.

When you arrived Director Fury had already kinda calmed Steve so you walked over to him.

Nick Fury was the only person in the world outside your family who knew your family's secret. So he didn’t hesitate to let you through.

“Captain Rogers? Would you care to come with me? I'd like to explain everything to you.” you smiled at him.

“Peggy? he asked, astonished. You had never seen too much resemblance between your grandma and yourself but apparently Steve saw it.

“Close. But no. MY name is Y/N Carter. I’m her granddaughter. We have a lot of catching up to do. Want to join me?” he just nodded and followed you.

You drove in silence with about 5 bulletproof dark SUVs following you at close range.

You stopped in front of a S.H.I.E.L.D office and walked inside.

When you closed the door to your office behind you and him the reality of it all finally started to seep into your bones and you started shaking.

He noticed immediately and stepped closer. Ever the gentleman of the 40’s that he was, he asked if you were okay.

“Well there is so much I want to tell you. Actually, I have since I was a child. And I never thought I’d ever get the chance to nor did I think it was my place to tell you. But…” you kept rambling.

“What are you talking about?” he looked confused.

“Okay, here we go. All or nothing.” you mumbled to yourself.

“Peggy is my grandmother, and you are my grandfather.” you finished quietly.

“Excuse me?” he thought he might have misheard you.

“Just after you supposedly died Grandma Peggy found out that she was pregnant. She always said it was a drunken night after Sergeant Barnes died? It’s a secret which almost no one outside of the family knows. I would have let Peggy tell you herself but she has alzheimers and a lot of the time she is not really there anymore.” you explained to him.

“Peggy is still alive? I need to see her.” he picked up on your story.

“But first I’d like to hug my granddaughter if that’s alright by you.” he grinned.

“Ehm, yes sure.” you outstretched your arms and he embraced you. You had never felt so safe in anyone's arms before.

Before anyone could argue with you you had taken Steve to see Peggy in her retirement facility.

“Steve? You’re alive?” she asked in disbelief when she spotted him by her bed. He grinned and bent down to kiss her on the forehead.

“Yes, my love. And I missed you so much. How is my girl today?” he asked her.

“I was never better. Y/N come here darling. Meet your grandfather sweetie.” she spoke slowly in that posh british accent of hers.

“I already have nana and he is just as amazing as you have always told me.” you said while tears were forming in your eyes.

After that conversation you left them alone for a while to talk.

The next few weeks no day passed without you spending time with Steve. Unfortunately you had no contact with your mom or dad anymore. They didn’t want anything to do with you anymore after you had decided on your S.H.I.E.L.D career path.

That had been years ago and you weren’t sad anymore but now you would have wished, for Steve's sake, that he could meet his son.

Maybe someday your dad would be ready for this.

Somehow it came as it had to. People found out about your relation to Captain America and started to bother you immensely.

Then came the point on which it couldn't get any worse.

You came home after a long day of work and just wanted to relax in a bubble bath and then go to bed. But it came differently than you thought.

The moment you opened your door and turned around to shut it an arm closed around your throat and another grabbed for your holstered gun. Your assailant was too strong for you to overpower. You lost consciousness quickly.

When you awoke you were chained to a chair, gagged too.

And then you saw him. Sitting in a corner opposite you. Long dark hair, black mask and tac gear. His left arm was made of metal and wirred when he moved it.

When he noticed you had woken up he stood and walked over to you,

He didn’t say a word and you couldn’t. Otherwise you would have given him a piece of your mind.

You didn’t expect his next move. He took the gag from your mouth and pushed a bottle of water against your lips. You drank greedily because you hadn’t noticed your parched throat before.

“What do you want from me?” you asked after he had taken the bottle away.

“Leverage.” was all he said.

“Are you working for hydra?” you asked. You had had your suspicions for a long time that the agency had been operating from the underground.

He stayed silent and then you felt your mind slip. Of course something must have been in the water.

The next time you came to you heard voices around you but couldn’t focus at first.

When you finally could concentrate you recognized voices you had suspected of being evil before. Alexander Pierce and Brock Rumlow. Idiots! you thought.

“Ah, there she is. Did the soldier take good care of you?” Pierce mocked and you spat at him which earned you a nice backhand to the face from Rumlow.

“Now that we have that out of the way, let us proceed with our plan, shall we?.”

God, how much you hated that douchebag!

They took a video from you probably as leverage. Just as their soldier had told you. What they wanted to blackmail from S.H.I.E.L.D or Steve, you didn’t know.

After they had everything from you they brought you to a room which strongly resembled the cell in an asylum. Thick padded walls you couldn’t hurt yourself on, a small field bed with a blanket and a toilet with a sink in one corner behind a milky screen.

You banged against the walls and door at first to get any kind of attention but after receiving none you decided to leave it be and save your strength.

Hours later a doctor came into the room to take a blood sample from you but you wouldn’t have that so you fought against him until they brought the soldier in to hold you down. That was the first time you saw him after he kidnapped you. And this time he wasn’t wearing a mask. His face was expressionless and his hair was longer than on the pictures you had seen at the museum but the man standing in front of you was undeniably James Barnes. Your grandfather's best friend since childhood who you had believed was dead since 1943.

“Bucky?” you asked and he gave you a confused look. At first you doubted your eyes but you were so sure it was him. “What did you do to him? He is a good man!” you yelled at the doctor who just smiled at you maliciously.

Still struggling in Bucky’s hold the doc took a sample of your blood and they left but not before Bucky threw you one last thoughtful glance.

Days ticked by and nothing happened. You saw someone bring you food twice a day but that was about all the human contact you were given.

You couldn’t stop thinking about your granddad’s best pal being enslaved and obviously brainwashed for God knows how long. It made you so sad to think about his past. What he must have endured in hydra’s grasp.

Then one night suddenly the light in your room changed and you noticed the cause being that the door had been opened. You decided that that was your only chance and snuck out of the room. You tried to find orientation points in the weird and long hallways. But you noticed every time you didn’t know where to go, a door opened somewhere.

Just for a second you contemplated if this might have been a sick trap but you still followed it because, what did you have to lose?

When you stepped through the last door you heard someone call your name.

“Y/N! Over here!” Not 10 meters away from you stood Steve in full gear.

“Steve! Thank God you found me. Did you open all these doors?”

“Doors? What? No. I haven’t even been inside yet.” he looked at you as if you had lost your mind.

“Then who paved the way for me?” you thought out loud. Until it suddenly hit you. “Bucky!” you yelled.

“What? Are you alright? Bucky has been dead for decades.” Steve informed you.

“No you don’t understand. He is here. He must have been the one to help me. We have to find him.” you turned around and ran back inside faster than Steve could grab you.

“Y/N no!” he yelled and ran after you.

Suddenly you stopped dead in your tracks and Steve almost ran you over. 5 meters in front of you stood a dark figure, not moving a muscle.

“Bucky?” you called lowly.

Steve tensed up behind you. He too had recognized his old pal.

“Buck?” He whispered, shocked.

“Come on Bucky. We have to get out of here. And thank you for helping me.” you smiled and stretched your arm out.

He took the invitation and slowly walked towards you. Together you got out of the building and headed toward the pickup spot where the jet waited.

Bucky had still not said a word. While Steve flew the plane you sat down next to Bucky who seemed lost in thought. He didn’t notice you sliding into the seat next to him until you laid your hand on his thigh. “Buck? How do you feel?”

“Confused. I can’t believe that I am not under their control anymore.” he said.

“You are safe now. I promise we will take care of you. S.H.I.E.L.D will help you get back on your feet. You are a hero.”

“No, not S.H.I.E.L.D. They have been infiltrated by hydra. You saw Pierce and Rumlow. We can’t trust anyone.” he yelled, almost panicked.

“You are right. Steve, where are we headed?” you called out to your pilot for the moment.

“I was about to get us to Washington D.C.. S.H.I.E.L.D HQ. But now that I heard what you said I think it might be best to find a different place. So Y/N where to? Do you have a plan b?”

“In fact I do. Keep going, I'll send the coordinates right to you.” you ordered.

3 hours later you landed at a farm.

“Clint. It’s good to see you.” you said and wrapped the archer in a tight hug.

“How is the family?” you tried to make conversation.

“Good as always. So what’s the deal with this?” he asked back.

“Well, you know Captain Rogers and this is Sergeant James Barnes. It’s a long story but we need a place to lay low for a while that S.H.I.E.L.D doesn’t know about.”

“Ah, so you thought of me. Naturally. Alright, come on in, dinner should be ready soon and Laura always makes too much.”

Dinner had been great and now you were sitting on the porch with a glass of wine just relaxing and telling Clint everything. You trusted him with all your heart. Him, Natasha Romanoff and Nick Fury.

“So S.H.I.E.L.D is hydra now?” he asked, confused.

“Well yes but it seems hydra was always sleeping just under the surface waiting for the right moment to strike.” you clarified.

“So what do you intend to do next?” he asked again.

“Well, I have already sent an encrypted message to Nick Fury. He will know how to proceed from her on. Then we need to grab hydra by the roots and pull them out. If that doesn’t work we need all the help we can get to take down everything. S.H.I.E.L.D, hydra, all of it.” you described.

“Buck, what can you tell us about their plan?”

Bucky took a deep breath and started to recite everything that he knew or had gathered. Good thing that no one had actually thought to mind their words around him because they always thought he couldn’t do anything with that knowledge anyways.

“So they want to erase millions of people who do not follow their ideology? And they want to use helicarriers with active weapon systems?” you summarized Bucky’s information. “We have to stop this! But we need a solid plan. I suggest we wait for a message from Fury. He might know what to do.” you proposed.

“I agree. If we run in there unprepared people might die.” Steve approved.

So you had not much more to do than wait.

That evening you tried to fall asleep in the guest bedroom but that was almost impossible. You had listened to Steve leaving the house to go for a run about 30 minutes before. So he couldn’t sleep either.

Then, just before sleep invaded your mind you heard noises which sounded like whimpering so you got up quickly and walked downstairs, gun raised.

You found out fast that the noise came from a restlessly sleeping Bucky on the much too small couch.

Worried that he might be distressed and would fall back into his old habits you sat down next to the couch stroking hair out of his face. “Bucky? You’re okay. You’re safe now.” you whispered. He opened his eyes and looked at you.

You didn’t expect him to lean in close and brush his lips to yours.

He pulled back abruptly when he noticed you being completely taken by surprise. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.” he sat up and buried his face in his hands.

“No, it’s okay Bucky. I understand you. It wasn’t that I didn’t want it, I just wasn’t expecting that.” he looked up hesitantly.

“In fact I wouldn’t mind you doing it again.” you smiled at him mischievously.

Without saying another word he pulled you in again. You climbed into his lap all while never breaking the kiss. Until you had to come up for air.

“Wow, you really know how to do that.” you stated.

“Did you want to go further?” you asked him carefully.

“I wouldn’t mind. I just wanna feel something nice again.” he confessed before pulling you in for a kiss again.

You made out like that for a while, grinding on each other like some horny teenagers. Until his hand slipped into your panties stroking your mound and you started mewling like a kitten in heat.

Your hands fumbled clumsily with his boxers and he helped you push them down enough for his cock to spring free.

Pulling your panties to the side you sunk down on him. This time the sex was not about sensuality it was supposed to be quick comfort. The emotional crap could come later.

You rose onto your knees and dropped back onto his generous length.

“Fuck!” you breathed out. Burying your head in his shoulder so you wouldn’t wake anyone still sleeping.

You were so deeply immersed in your lovemaking you didn’t hear the door open.

“Really? On the couch? Seriously?” you almost jumped off of Bucky at the sound of your grandfather’s hushed voice.

“I’m sorry Steve.” Bucky whispered. And you could tell he was more than close so you kept rocking back and forth on his lap. Steve, noticing that you wouldn’t stop, just turned around and went upstairs with the words “I’ll sleep in your bed then.”

Once he was gone you were finally able to lose yourself in Bucky again.

It didn’t take long for him to reach his high and the moment you felt him shoot his load inside you you couldn’t hold on anymore and the knot burst.

You dropped onto the seat next to Bucky, catching your breath.

“Thank you for that.” he leaned his head back and tucked himself back into his pants.

“No need to thank me. I really like you Buck and I hope that this won’t be a one time thing.” you smiled at him hopefully.

“So do I, but I don’t know if I am good enough for you. I’ve done so much evil in my life. You deserve so much better.” Suddenly he looked so sad again.

“Hey. Look at me Bucky!” you ordered him, grabbing for his face. “What happened to you is not your fault. You were trapped in your own body and you deserve the world. Never think any less of yourself because of your past! You are the reason I am free now. You have saved Steve’s ass more than he probably knows. We love you Bucky and I mean that. You know that my grandma did not only talk a lot about Steve but about you too? You left such an impression on her that even now in her alzheimer ridden mind she still sometimes talks about you. What a gentleman you always were. Handsome, sweet and clever. And I could not dream of someone better than you.” You kissed him deeply with all the emotion you could muster and hoped he would understand.

“Are you sure?” his insecurities were killing you. Peggy had always mentioned the ladies man that he had been but that lay 70 years behind and it broke your heart to see him like this.

“100% sure darling. Now let’s try to catch at least a few more hours of sleep until sunrise.” another kiss later and you had cuddled together on the still too small couch. This time you fell asleep quickly and felt safe by his side.

Two days later Fury had gotten you a plan. Maria Hill would meet you in a sewer system at the edge of D.C. She handed you three computer chips to override the helicarriers weapon systems manually.

The people from hydra, working inside S.H.I.E.L.D did not expect this attack just when project inside was about to launch.

So when the helicarriers had come crashing down on D.C. and every single hydra agent had been taken in custody was it finally time to calm down and get everything in order.

Facing the facts Bucky still needed therapy and someone to look over his conditioning and the damage hydra had done to him. But you were sure to find someone with a solution somewhere. Until then you tried to get used to having a 100 something year old grandfather and his just as old best friend for a boyfriend.

You didn’t know where you were headed but you liked the thought of finding out.

#marvel #buckyxreader #y/n #the avengers #mcu #sebastian stan #fanfic #au #smut #fluff #angst

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kayzume · 4 years

Text

Pairing: Android!Tendou Satori x SicklyF!Reader

Genre: Angst-ish

TW: Character Death (non gore)

WC: 1.7k

Note: Rushed...very. This is my contribution to Haikyuu HQ server collab and my very first time joining one, so I’m uh nervous af. I hope this was sufficient enough:)). Lots of talented writers and artists are participating so make sure to check the masterlist right here

Also: Mama @prismaroyal thank you so much (T^T)..what would I do without you🥺!! @shinrurie and @yacoka thanks for hyping me😳😭

Back to Masterlist

"Is X00 ready?" your father spoke in a low voice.

He looked at you and smiled "just a little bit more my angel, dad is gonna give you the companion of a lifetime" he told you gently.

"If I even have a lifetime dad," you told him weakly and he gave you this mourning look "y/n don't say such words!" he said to you while shaking his head. He crouched down to your level and caressed your face "I'm gonna make sure that this droid will help you recover, it's not over yet please have more faith in yourself, you'll be fine, you'll get better and-" he sighs then grasps your hands lightly "and we'll be together for a long long time."

You knew that your father was grasping on his false hopes of you getting better. If somebody looks at you in your current state they would surely figure out that your gravely ill, your skin has lost its regular healthy appearance, your eyes were sunken.Your father is a scientist, he's done a lot to help you recover. He tried inventing various ways, medicines, and such to help your gravely ill body to become healthy, but to this day, nothing. None of your father's hard work barely made an impact on you. It always ends up on him getting upset that none of them is helping until today that is.

"He's X00, he will be your companion from now on, he's modeled after caretakers and nurses I'm sure he will be a good factor for your health" your father exclaimed while smiling widely. You shift your sights from your dad to 'X00' he was tall and kind of lanky, with wild red hair and mysterious red eyes, for an android, his eyes seemed so full of life, a clear contrast from yours, which appeared lifeless even for a young girl such as yourself? he was staring at you and you felt weird, like his gaze pierced into your soul itself. Shaking the thought, you stared back at him and he blinked. Wait did he just blink? "He can- h-he blinked, at me!" you told your father incredulously, but he only laughed at your surprised reaction.

"Well of course he can, he was built to act completely human, how else would he be able to sympathize with you if he can't?" your father said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I'll leave you to him so you can get to know him" he continued not leaving time for you to say something. You sighed in defeat at the realization that you are now stuck with a mecha humanoid that's just standing there, staring at you silently. Your father must be kidding, how in the world are you supposed to communicate with a metal piece of junk. You were never a fan of technology in the first place, always believing they were a pain and they stole a lot of your father's time. You looked back at 'X00' he doesn't look half bad if you bypass his blood red eyes “You-" you tried starting, but then you started coughing vigorously, it was painful to say the least noticing bits of blood on your hanky, you decided speaking is not the best idea at the moment. He looked clearly worried and you averted your eyes in response, away from his face. You closed your eyes and faced the other side of the lab overlooking the garden, but when you opened your eyes he was there crouched in front of you, staring.

"What the fuck!" you exclaimed startled, a hand to your pounding heart.

Then suddenly you felt a hand to your head making its way to caress your cheek tenderly, it was him. He looked extremely gentle for someone who doesn't have a real heart, you happen to look away only to take notice of your hand now resting on his other hand, something you didn't even notice. You peeked at his face, he was sporting a sweet smile, and you feel the hotness creep all the way from your neck to your face. You lightly try to pull your hand back "Oh uhm give my hand back please" you squeaked. He let go of your hand and proceeded to the back of your wheelchair, slowly pushing your way out of the lab "D-do you have a name? b-besides from X00?" you asked dumbly. Of course, he doesn't, he was only activated today "How about I give you one?" He didn't answer, so you opted to stay quiet as well. How exactly is he supposed to help you when he doesn't even talk?!

Time passes by the two of you and he's slowly acknowledging you. It feels like you're teaching a chick how to speak, rather than him caring for you, it was the other way around. Every time you are to spend time with your mother and father, he would be taken away by your father's attendants, claiming that time with the family was for the family alone, you always missed the forlorn look painted in his eyes. The first time that it happened it took you solid 10 minutes to reassure him that you'd only be apart for a short while. You might not admit it to anyone, but being around him slowly makes you feel at ease and surprisingly you could feel more energy surging through your body. As crazy as it is his presence gave more to you than necessary, and you're loving every bit of it disregarding the fact that being with someone like him is impossible. He understood you and stood by you regardless of what is and whatnot. You were thankful for him being a shoulder to lean on and just for being your friend.

Today, you and X00 will be picking out some flowers. Your mother had said that the air outside mixed with the flowery aroma will help you breathe better and upon hearing such, X00 ushers you both out immediately, you have regained your footing all thanks to X00. Though he barely speaks he always makes your day by humming a specific tune, It was your inspiration to be able to walk again, to be able to dance along with his beautiful music. You knew in the short time that you were together that something changed, you weren't able to pinpoint what it was exactly, but it's definitely there looming over you.

Some things were starting to feel different, the innocent looks turned to something more when it's just the two of you, for you at least. You try to brush off the feelings evidently growing on you as time passes by, you always have to remind yourself "y/n he's a metal junk, he doesn't do feelings" after you're mini realization you fought back the forthcoming tears, but to no avail. You looked up at the sky, asking whoever was up there in heaven, "why me, why us?"

"I" he started, making you look at him "Hmm?" You urged him to continue

"I want...I want a name" he said. The gesture stirred something heart-warming in your chest, but before you could even give him a response, you felt a sudden chill in your back and slowly you feel your world begin growing dark.

Murmurs, murmurs, and more murmurs. You can hear voices but all words seem to be incoherent.

"How is she?" a voice you recognized as your mother's, you can already imagine her pacing around the room by the sound of her concerned voice. She was the type to fret over everything.

"It's not looking good" you presume was your father's, as he gave an exasperated sigh. You thought why was everyone so gloomy? what is happening?

You slowly opened your eyes to the blinding white lights "ugh" you let out in pain. Why does everything hurt? What is with all these tubes and wires stuck on you? You know what was going on. Deep down you knew, but you decidedly keep on rejecting the idea of you passing. You thought if you leave now, how is he gonna keep going, and for what? The thought of him made you snap.

"WHERE IS HE?!" you screamed startling your parents.

"y/n calm down, sweetie," your mother said while rubbing your back to calm you down "stressing will only make things worse, hmm" as if on cue you felt a sharp pang course through your body "Argh!" you yelped in pain, "hah..hah...hah" you started breathing heavily, the pain is starting to become unbearable, "Mom it hurts...so much" you clung to her as if it will make things any better. Your face is scrunching in pain, tears are starting to sting your eyes. Your mother was cradling you in her arms, you can feel her shaking. She was crying silently and it makes things extra clear for you, This is the end.

You calmed yourself down and pulled away from your mother. You looked her in the eyes and stated "I want to see him, mom, for the last time, please" you pleaded with her. She kissed your forehead and gave you a comforting hug. You both knew that this meant goodbye and it was hard to let go. Your father couldn't stand to look at you so helplessly that he decided to leave without saying goodbye. It was for the best you thought. The door screeched open, he stood before you. He looks forlorn as if something was taken away from him. "Come" you signaled him to come closer, he scooted next to you. You caressed his face, memorizing every inch, "I- I want you to remember that even though it was only a short period of time that I was with you, I have loved every single aspect there is about you. I remembered you stating that you wanted a name, hmm, your name shall be Tendou because you were heaven's grace to me" you whispered. "You may not be able to feel love, but remember that this heart has only beaten for you." you continued leaning close to put his hands near your heart, with a longing look you placed a loving kiss on his forehead.

You gave him one last smile, "Farewell, Tendou"

Tendou cradled your lifeless body against his, berating himself over not being able to shed a tear. Deep inside him he was praying, “In our next life we’ll be together, I promise” feeling the heaviness in his heart “I loved you too”

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revchainsaw · 3 years

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The Crow (1994)

Alright Cult of Cult. Do I really need to introduce this one? Let's get all 90s and gothy and maybe brace ourselves for a bit of cringe, but like in a fun way. It's the Holy Grail of Hot Topic, 1994's the Crow Starring Brandon Lee.

Sermon

Apparently before the auto industry totally crashed Detroit was already a total fucked to death pile of burning shit, or at least that's what the crow would have you believe. Sorry Bruce Campbell, and other people from Detroit, but mostly Bruce Campbell. According to the Crow the city of Detroit is the kind of place where gangs of warlock anarchist arsonists will bomb buildings, and murder and rape whoever they feel like and then walk around bragging about it the next day with absolutely zero consequences. Funny then that if Detroit was so bad they had to go to film this movie in Wilmington North Carolina which is definitely a fucked to death pile of burning shit. I can say that, I'm from there and I got the fuck out. My brother is going to kill me if he ever reads this. (It's okay, these are all jokes people). Did you know they also filmed the Super Mario Bros movie there ... also cuz they needed a really shitty looking distopia. Moving on ...

The ludicrous criminality of the Crow's Detroit is particularly on display on Halloween. In Detroit (apparently) Halloween is known as Devils Night and it's legitimately just a night of pure lawlessness and chaos and kids aren't even safe to get candy, except later when we do see trick or treaters. Eric Draven, hunky goth rocker who sort of looks like he could be Bruce Lee's Kid and his fiance are murdered by a gang of vicious criminals. One year hence, Eric is resurrected by a mystical crow (that is actually a Raven), to exact his revenge on the gang that murdered him.

He paints his face like sad Alice Cooper and refuses to listen to Joy Division, just covers. He murders Tin Tin (a knife guy) just for his long gothy duster, he murders Fun Boy and forcibly ejects heroine from her arms and tells her "Go be a good mom now" which actually works. (have I told you about our Lord and Savior Sting? He gave me the strength to get off drugs), he blows T Bird up dick first, and then comes for Skab? Scraap? Scooby? in a meeting of all of Detroits villains and just about kills them all.

He is supported by the most 90s little girl to have ever graced the screen, and I am here for it, and Officer Albrecht, who's played by Ernie Hudson but I like to call him Zeddemore: The Most Underrated Ghostbuster. The leader of the bad guys, who I cannot beleive wasn't played by Brad Dourif or Tom Waits, is pretty interested in the occult. He keeps his witchy girlfriend around and she makes him fun dishes like smoked eyeballs, and her main use is that she knows that the Crow is the Crows weakness. They set Tony Fucking Todd on the bird, and I guess you just have to hurt the bird and not kill it, and Eric loses his healing factor and other macabre undead powers.

The Crow, Jimmy the Raven, pecks out Dr. Girlfriends eyeballs, I honestly forget how Tony Todd gets offed, and Top Dollar gets Gargoyled (that is impaled on a gargoyle). Funnily enough that is more Gargoyle related impaling on screen then in the actual movie Gargoyle: Wings of Darkness where a Gargoyle is supposed to have impaled a guy.

The Benediction

Best Feature: Injustice League

In the Crow we have not only a set of super memorable villains but they are played by the bad guy all stars. John Polito as the most lowly of the bad guys as a kind of sleazy pawn shop owner who buys ill gotten gains. Tony Todd, who's size is really on display here, the freaking Candy Man is in this movie. T Bird is the head of Top Dollars goons and is played by David Patrick Kelly, you might know as the "Warriors Come Out and Play!!" bottle guy from the Warriors, or as Jimmy Horne from Twin Peaks, and of course Top Dollar himself is played by Michael Wincott. Wincott is not a particularly celebrated actor but has played villains effectively in Robin Hood, the Three Musketeers, and Dead Man.

Best Set Piece: Detroit Style Hot Dogs

The Set design of the Crow is perhaps one of it's most fantastic features. It's very moody and ethereal. It's just real enough to not take you out of the film, but fantastic enough to set mood and theme above realism. From Eric Draven's apartment, to the church where the final battle occurs they are all fantastic. I think that's why I really wanted to shine the spot light on a very minor set piece that would get nary a mention but just as effectively represents the qualities I was just talking about and that is the Maxi Doggs Hot Dog Stand, where a lot of the films exposition for audience surrogates takes place.

Worst Effect: Freeze Frame

At a few points in the movie the film makers made a strange decision to do these freeze frame transitions. I only noticed it twice in the movie where it was particularly stupid. I'm sure the film makers at the time thought it was a moody and atmospheric choice that highlighted the suffering that Eric Draven was going through, but it didn't age well. If you don't have the sensibilities of a goth girl from 1994 then it's very very hard not to laugh at just how self involved the movie is about it's super sadness.

Worst Feature: Tragic Accident

Solely based on the film itself, it is that very gothic and dated sensibility that hurts the Crow. The little sarcastic dance he does when he flees the police, quoting Edgar Allen Poe, and bowing to Albrecht. These affected behaviors that I'm sure seemed snarky and right on to the target audience only serve to make Eric Draven seem like an unbearable neck beard edgelord and not the troubled dark soul he's supposed to be. I'm sure at the time it seemed unique and gothy but that shit went out of style for good reason, people could see through it. It's a shame that the Crow himself was some of the cringiest parts of this movie now that I'm seeing it as an adult and not a 13 year old middle class boy with no real problems.

This however is not the low point of the movie. It's not news now and if you're reading some dudes review of The Crow on Tumblr then you probably already know the story. The worst thing about The Crow is that Brandon Lee was horrifically killed on set while filming this movie due to some negligible prop malfunctions. A series of unfortunate events that lead to the actor spending 6 hours in surgery fighting for his life before eventually passing. It was not a quick or painless death and it's really impossible to watch the movie without an appreciation for the fact that this kind of fun dark adventure was going to be a vehicle for Brandon Lee's career wound up taking his life. He was 28. I really wish I could have just bitched about the goofy goth stuff and moved on, but that's not the world we live in.

Best Effect: The Gargoyling

Maybe I should have called this best kill. But I'm not sure which it is. The slaying of Top Dollar at the Climax of the film was just super effective. The pointed wings impaling his chest and that horn coming out of his mouth, it was morbid and excellent and just fit the tone of the movie perfectly. I mean how many other movies can you say Cause of Death: Impaled on a Gargoyle.

Best Bird: The Raven

I tried very hard to look up the name of the bird that primarily performed in this movie and could not find anything. There was a Raven once upon a time called Jimmy the Raven, but that was in the 50s and I don't think birds live that long. There was a team of Ravens performing as the crow, they were chosen over crows for their larger size, and more imposing silhouettes. I just think it's so wonderful to see these often maligned birds get a chance to show off their talents. Corvids of all kinds are incredibly intelligent creatures. Im a sucker for animals, if you haven't already figured that out. I really liked seeing the ravens hit their marks, particularly the one whos job it was to drop the wedding ring into Sarah's hand at the end of the film. You can see that greedy little bastard do his trick and then look of camera at his trainer like "treat please!". It's very cute.

Best Actor: Top Dollar Performance

I'd love to take this opportunity to just put praise upon Brandon Lee, he truly gave everything for this role, but unfortunately with what was put to film we actually have very few character moments with Eric Draven. Stuff happens to him, and he does killings and fights. There's definitely some personality, but I felt like I walked away knowing almost nothing about who Eric Draven was. He was clearly a good dude but that and a few hobbies and a relationship and you don't really have a character yet. He's unfortunately not given a lot of acting to do, instead just relegated to stunts and action sequences. That were notably cool.

The bad guys in the Crow have a lot more character and among this who's who of character actors, Michael Wincott takes the cake. Hell he was standing next to Candyman himself, Tony Todd and still stealing the scenes.

Best Character: A Few Good Apples

Is the best character in The Crow really going to be the cop? The commissioner Gordon stand in? yeah, it is. Not to be political, but I don't like cops, but I guess in a world with magical birds and eyeball smoking I can suspend my disbelief and let Ernie Hudson be #1 cop dad. His character is really the heart of the film, since all Eric can do is brood and fight, we have to care about someone in this movie.

Best Sequence: Halloween Party

The best sequence of the movie is of course the scene where Eric Draven busts in on the Devil's Night party planning commission. I think Top Dollar brought Scrappy Doo there just so he could lure out the crow, knowing the baddest assholes in all of Detroit would be gathered it was likely that somebody was going to kill the beast, or if they couldn't at least Top Dollar could get a feel for his enemy. It's a bullet flying action sequence with a ton of weight. I can't put my finger on this all to common weightless third act problem that big budget super hero and action flicks have nowadays, but whatever that issue is, the Crow does not have that issue. From this point on the Climax feels earned and I am invested. For that reason, The Crow is honestly better in spite of its awkwardness, than many of the super hero movies out today.

Worst Sequence: My Guitar Gently Weeps

Speaking of brooding or fighting. The best sequence was fighting, the worst is brooding. I get that Eric was in a band or something, but didn't he have shit to do. It seemed like it was a cool idea for a shot, but for like a whole seen, watching somebody play an 80s guitar solo, that stood out so brazenly from the choices of music in the rest of the movie was extra corny. It felt like someone's( dad trying to relate to their kid. Oh you like Music. The Dresden Dolls eh? Oh man, then you're going to love Slash's Snake Pit!

Summary

The Crow is dated. It is iconic but I wonder how many of the people that hang that poster on the wall have watched that movie since they were kids. It's interesting how what i've liked and disliked about this film have changed so much sense I was a kid. It's a cheeseball fiesta. If you have matured at all beyond thinking that being sad is the same as being deep then you're going to like it a little less than you did when you were younger, but it is still solid. There's not much to hate on. I'd watch it over and over again. I was really afraid it would not hold up at all, but returning to The Crow was a completely positive experience.

Overall Grade: B

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