#I'm comfortable if my bf is with me or a friend who is also weird but alone? No I'll scream and die

[shijuruiburning]

NEED to form or become part of a werewolf pack soon or else I'm going to die

[anton-luvr]

shotaro x gn reader and they have a sleepover and they do the cutesy norms like makeovers, face masks, watch movies n gossip but then they start playing stuff like 20 questions and things get personal (gn confesses) and shotaro returns his feels and they kiss and it gets a little suggestive????? (if you’re comfortable, ofc!!) 🫶🏽

# SPECIAL SOMEONE.

𖦹 bf!shotaro x gn!reader | fluff & suggestive | friends 2 lovers au

𖦹 note ; first taro fic here!!! also im so sorry for how long this took irene thank u for waiting and always supporting me :( + reqs are CLOSED, soft hours OPEN !!

Sleepovers after exams were tradition for you and Shotaro.

This time round was no different.

After gossiping about the latest drama in your university over Chinese takeaway in his kitchen and throwing a fashion show in his bedroom with almost all of his clothes, the both of you settled down for more calmer activities.

You would usually watch a movie, but Shotaro had been pestering you for weeks to play 20 Questions with him, claiming it was a ‘fun’ game that would allow the both of you to ‘understand each other better’.

So here you were, sitting cross legged across him on his bed while his favorite R&B songs played softly from his speakers.

“Okay, what’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?” you ask, looking up from the list of questions he had sent you.

His pretty eyes light up, and he immediately starts rambling excitedly to you about what sounds like a dream of Godzilla doing ballet in New York City.

You’d understand it if you were paying attention, but you just couldn’t help but get distracted.

Shotaro was so effortlessly gorgeous.

His freshly dyed blonde hair suited him so well, a bright color that complimented the shine of love and sincerity in his eyes for those around him. It also made his cherry red lips pop, looking so soft and so plush while he continued talking about his weird dream.

And when he laughed?

It was a melody that you never wanted to stop listening to, a sound that brought out your own smile while your body warmed up at how cute he was.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N?”

Snapping out of your thoughts, you look up from his lips to see him staring at you.

“Are you okay? You kinda spaced out.” he asks, head tilted in confusion.

Embarrassed, you nod your head. “Yeah, sorry I was thinking about something.” you lied, grinning sheepishly.

“It’s okay,” he laughs, flashing you his signature smile. “It's my turn to ask you a question now.”

Neither of you say anything as he scrolls through the questions, pouting in concentration as he tries to pick one.

“Ooh, this one is nice.” he giggles, smirking at you as he puts his phone aside.

“What was your first kiss like?” he asks dramatically, wiggling his eyebrows at you in a teasing manner.

“M-My first kiss?” you sputtered, almost choking on your own spit.

Shotaro hums eagerly.

“Well, I’ve never had one yet.” you admit, laughing awkwardly.

At this, Shotaro waves his hand in the air as if to dismiss what you said. "Nah, no way." he chuckles. "Someone as pretty and as nice as you hasn't had their first kiss yet? Lies."

Your cheeks burn at his compliment, but you shake your head. "I'm serious, Taro." you said.

He blinks in surprise at you, mumbling a soft "Oh."

"Well... then when do you want to have your first kiss?" he asks.

You can only offer a shrug as you sigh, lying down on his bed.

“When I find the right person, I guess.” you mutter.

Shotaro lies down beside you too, propped up by his arm to look at you.

“Anyone particular in mind?” he teases, back to wiggling his eyebrows at you.

Oh, little did he know who it was.

First kisses seemed to be something so special and so intimate to you, so logically, you would want to have your first kiss with someone special.

Someone who truly meant something to you.

And that someone was Shotaro.

He somehow manages to sees things that others don’t, looking out for you in situations that always catches you by surprise.

It could be the jacket that he casually wrapped around you at a party because he noticed the goosebumps on your arms, or the time he got you your favorite pen when it ran out of ink and he saw you using another pen in class.

It could be when he offered to piggyback you across the muddy road after it rained, knowing how much you liked your white sneakers and wouldn’t want them dirty.

It could be in moments like these, where just his smile made you feel like the luckiest person in the world.

“Yeah,” you whisper. “You.”

“M-Me?” Shotaro stutters, eyes wide with surprise while his face flushed a light red.

"Yeah, you. I like you, Taro.” you confess. “You’re the one I’d want to have my first kiss with. It’s fine if you don’t have the same feelings, I just thought I’d let you know.” you add on, smiling softly at the end.

Like the angel he was, you thought Shotaro would reject you nicely, but he proves that idea wrong when he tells you quite the opposite.

“I like you too." he says gently, a dazed smile on his lips.

“No way.” you mumble, frowning suspiciously at him.

“Yes way.” he giggles.

“Let’s have your first kiss, shall we?” is all he says before his lips crash against yours.

You can’t help but smile into the kiss at how right it all feels, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer.

And even though you were inexperienced, you learned quickly from Shotaro. Soon enough, he could taste your vanilla lip balm on his lips, mind spinning from the feeling of your tongue against his.

The kiss eventually deepens, and a heavy desperation for each other starts to make its way into the kiss.

“More?” Shotaro asks as he pulls away, panting and his eyes darkening with need.

“More.” you answer breathlessly, as you tug him back down by his sweater to kiss you.

It’s soon discarded into a corner of Shotaro’s room as you spend the rest of the night intertwined, hands exploring each other and lips never once leaving each other.

Just you and your special someone.

© anton-luvr, 2023.

tag list ; @wonbons (comment/drop an ask to be added to tag list!)

[dizzyjelly]

Best Birthday Yet

Word Count: 1.3k

Summary: your birthday party is going well, until you open a rather offensive gift from your boyfriend which causes him and your bsf Ellie to get into a fight. After he gets physical with her, you kick him out and break up with him. Ellie comfort you and dismisses your party guests then you and her share a loving moment a bit later.

Cw: mentions of weight/weight loss, toxic bf

Your birthday was going fairly well, everyone had seemed to be enjoying themselves as the room was filled with giggles and conversation. There was a small snack table while you waited for food to arrive, and a slightly bigger table with drinks. You were laughing at something your boyfriend Josh said when the doorbell rang. Your brows furrowed, unsure of who it could be.

Your face broke out in a smile as you opened the door to your best friend Ellie who stood with her hands full of your favorite takeout and a gift.

"Happy birthday!" She greeted.

"Thank you! Hi!" You greeted back, pulling her inside and helping her set down the bags of food and setting her gift on the table of the rest of them.

"Sorry I know I'm kinda late." She apologized as she pulled you in for a hug.

"It's fine. I'm super hungry though, bee waiting on your ass with the food!" You teased and she rolled her eyes.

"Hey babe." Josh said as he pulled you to his side with an arm around your waist, interrupting you and Ellies conversation.

"Oh hi." You smiled as you leaned to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Ellie." He nodded at her.

"Josh" She responded, clenching her jaw as she disliked him more than words could explain, "I need a drink." She muttered, walking away from the two of you.

"Huh. That's weird." You thought out loud.

"What's weird?" Josh asked, taking a sip of his beer.

"Oh nothing she just seemed kinda upset." You shook your head dismissively, trying not to worry.

"Probably on her period or something." Josh laughed, but you narrowed your eyes at him with a scoff before making your way over to Ellie.

Josh wasn't the best. Not to mention the misogynistic comments, but he was also a bit flaky as Ellie would say. She didn't understand what you even saw in him.

"Hey, are you ok?" You asked Ellie as you brought an arm around her shoulders.

"Yeah, fine." She answered, wrapping an arm around your waist.

"Ok. Well wanna help me call everyone to dinner?" You asked, your head resting on her shoulder.

"Sure." She answered with a small shrug.

The two of you had everyone gathered at the table and food out in no time. Everyone was enjoying their meals, you sat at the head of the table with Ellie on your left and Josh on your right. You'd taken small notice to the way she was continously glaring at him from across the table, but you did your best to pay it no mind.

Once everybody finished their meals, you were ready to open gifts. Ellie brought hers over to you first, eager for you to open it. You smiled at her then pulled something out of the gift bag. It didn't take long for you to realize it was a canvas, you flipped it over to see the painting she'd done for you.

You smiled so big as you recognized what it was. A photo that was taken of you two by some random dude while you were at the aquarium. You remembered that day so well, it was one of your favorite memories.

"Ellie! Oh my gosh! Thank you, I love it!" You exclaimed as you stood out of your seat to hug her.

She smiled as her chin rested on your shoulder, her hands at the small of your back.

"Knew you would." She simply said, hugging you with her usual tight grip.

You pulled away and smiled at her, she was doing the same. You sat back down and proceeded with gifts. Mostly gift cards or cash, but a few items. Then it came time to open Josh's gift. You were very excited, unwrapping it feverishly.

But your face dropped as you saw what was inside. A book. Not just any book, no. A fitness book, specifically for weight loss. You sighed in disbelief, not even saying a word as you tossed it aside and went into the kitchen. Ellies brows furrowed at your sudden exit, then she picked up the book and read the title.

A scoff fell from her lips, followed by a bitter short laugh.

"Dude, seriously? What the hell is wrong with you!" You could hear her shout out him from where you stood at the kitchen counter.

"What!" He shouted back.

You ran your hands through your hair, tears welling in your eyes. Finally you mustered the courage to enter the dining room once again. Ellie and Josh were now standing face to face, arguing harshly. All the other party guests just watched with concern. Then, Ellie shoved him back a bit. Your eyes widened, what the fuck was she doing.

Then, you gasped as Josh shook his head then punched her in the face! You ran over to then immediately, standing between the two.

"What the hell!" You shouted at him, turning around to Ellie.

You held her face in your hands, turning it to see how badly he'd hit her.

"She started it!" He argued.

"Get the fuck out, now! Leave! Just go!" You shouted at him as you shoved him all the way to the door.

"Whatever man." He scoffed.

"Were done, don't even fucking show up here again. Don't text, don't call!" You shouted as he made his way out to his car.

You sigh, your head falling against the door as you closed it. Then you felt a pair of hands rub at your shoulders.

"Hey, I'm sorry." Ellie whispered, leaning her chest against your back and letting her nose rest on your shoulder.

"It's fine. I don't know what his deal is." You rolled your eyes.

You turned around and met Ellie's eyes, cracking a small smile as to say I'm fine. But she knew you weren't. Her hands rested at your sides now, your own moving to her shoulders.

"Great party, huh?" You joked as you started to cry.

Ellie just sighed, pulling you against her as her hands moved to rub your back soothingly. You cried into her chest as she held you.

"I'll just tell everyone to leave ok? Why don't you go up to your room." She whispered, and you nodded against her before heading upstairs.

Ellie told everyone to go then cleaned up the dinner table. She set all your gifts in a neat pile, but made sure to toss the book from Josh. She then went into the kitchen and saw your untouched cake on the counter. She cut a slice and put a candle on top, lighting it then brining it upstairs.

She knocked at your door lightly, smiling as she walked in with your cake. You looked at her from where you sat in bed and smiled. She walked over and sat beside you, handing you the plate as she began to sing the 'happy birthday' song. She finished and you blew out the candle, which she took and set down on your nightstand as you began to eat.

"Thank you Els." You thanked her as you finished.

"Of course Y/n." She smiled.

You leaned over to give her a hug, just to show you were grateful. You pulled away and let your head rest on her shoulder.

"You know, I'd rather spend my birthday with just you anyways." You said quietly.

"Yeah?" She answered.

You sa up straight ad looked over at her. She laughed a bit.

"What?" She asked.

And you didn't give her an answer, not with words at least. Instead, you leaned in and put your lips to hers. She let out a small gasp of shock, she couldn't believe you were really kissing her. You smiled against her as you deepened the kiss, your hands resting at the back of her neck. You finally pulled away and smiled.

"Sorry it took me so long to realize how good you are for me." You joked.

"About damn time." She chuckled.

You kissed once more before lying down and getting cozy together. She had her arm underneath your neck, and you rested your head on her chest as your arms wrapped around her. She brought her other hand to your side, rubbing at it lightly. This mightve been your best birthday yet.

[a-little-revolution]

I have a weird dilemma if you have the time. A while back I went on a tinder date with a guy who had a TBI from surgery as a teenager. He didn't tell me beforehand, so when we met up irl and I found out that his TBI meant he'd never really dated before, I felt really under pressure, so we've decided to be friends BC he's a lovely dude and we have a ton in common, I just would feel anxious being a guy's first gf. I'm now in the talking stage with a guy with dwarfism, neither of us have brought it up, and this is about when I bring up my mental health issues so I can weed out men who would be shitty about it. I have zero issues dating him, he seems nice, but I've never been on a date or anything with a little person before. I'm not sure how to approach the "I'm mentally ill" thing with a guy with his own disability, do you have any advice? Dating has been hard for me because of my disability (had a few exes, recently left a 1.5 year relationship), so I imagine it's probably also been hard for him too. He's 23, I'm 24, and I just don't want to end up in a situation where I'm a guy's first gf again, BC I was my (autistic) ex bfs first gf and it was a mess, and it's too much pressure for me, but I also don't wanna make him uncomfortable or feel talked down to

Hello!

If being someone's first girlfriend is something you're not comfortable with, I would lay that out as your reason for being apprehensive - whether your potential partner is disabled or not, I feel like that's a pretty fair boundary with your history. Is it that you're assuming that your their first because they're disabled? Or have they brought up the subject to you?

When it comes to your potential LP partner, I would simply say "may I ask you some questions about your dwarfism?" and go from there. In my experience as someone with dwarfism, it's only been an awkward/taboo subject for other people.

When I'm building new connections, I look for people who aren't afraid to talk about disability - who want to know more, and who normalize my dwarfism as simply another thing about me. So ask him what his needs are, get to know him, learn from him.

Also if he has a problem with your mental illness to hell with him lol

-Elliot (they/them)

[princemick]

MICKLORE for dummies

here;s part 1 with his racing history

because over roc weekend people seemed to have gotten to know him a lot better so here's a bunch more of mick info that I deem as essential

so under the tab I will add a bunch of stuff that kinda break trough that introverted pr trained wall he has.

this will be broken into facts, quotes, moments and videos.

--enjoy--

Mickfacts:

he speaks, english, german, french and italian but beraly speaks italian and french because he doesnt feel comfortable enough with them

the f-2002 is his favorite of his dads cars

during a lot of 2022's off season he has been dirt racing in the states where he bascially races for as long as the car runs together with gina's bf (x) (x)

apperantly recognizes the italian anthem before the german

can't choose himself for a dream team so his dream team is michael and seb

couldnt choose between lewis and max in 2021 "because theyre both nice to me"

he used to play drums as a kid

his middle name is 'junior'

he is named after Mick Doohan (5x mtotogp champ) who used to live close to Michael who were really good friends and so him and Jack Doohan (f2 driver) have always been and are still close friends.

apperantly introduced himself to kevin when he got back to haas with 'suck my balls'

modified said off road buddy that he does mud racing with so it goes quicker then intended

he seems to have extra clothes with him at all times bc he borrowed an extra pair of pants and shirt to callum for their f2 podium celebration

his dad wanted him to study engineering (also interesting piece of related information: he said he would have become a biologist if not an f1 driver in this video)

he refers to his dog angie as his best friend

in F3 he won 5 races in a row. race 22 til 26 of the 2018 season.

he started doing champions for charity where he organizes a football match every year with a bunch of german sports players

mick denies it but this man has bleached his hair

Mickquotes:

"a bomb, a knife, a serial killer. I mean that comes all together so.."

"I mean if poeple ask me if I'm mick I usualy just say no. I learned that from my dad."

"can I eat this?" procedes to eat it

"you guys are gonna do pushuupss"

"can I go and pet it?? play fetch??"

"those cars are so shit"

"deutsche, german..WHA??"

"you sure??"

"my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad"

"I just wanna get to my dad"

"beep beep beep"

"I won f2 and f3 for a reason"

"you guys are fucking brilliant, FUCKING BRILLIANT! fucking hell- sorry for all the swearing guys"

"I have a problem with italian bread tbh"

"PTW man, PTW" (pwt means prove them wrong)

"so you have to be smooth, realise that its an old lady and treat it that way, take it easy and enjoy the ride"

"hmm, have you ever driven on the road blindfolded?"

"ah, I was fine" after crashing

"I'm glad it was you I was fighting against"

Mickvideos:

prema stranger things - where he bascially just shouts his ideas and is loudly jock and himbo coded

The 5 Second Challenge - him having to really quickly talk and think shows how he thinks really well aka himbo

The Taboo Challenge - where he has to explain something without using specific words

Seb And Mick Take On The Formula 1 Tower Challenge! - where Seb and Mick ask eachother questions as they play mega jenga

Mick and Dan at the 2021 russian gp presser - just wholesome

Mick and Sean cook pizza together - him being wholesome and happy and speaking italian

Prema Trivia Challenge - giving ultimate himbo rights

him hugging every haas mechanic after his last race w them

mick post Q2 in Canada

the groundhog video

Some minutes with Cyrus Watches: Mick Schumacher

The Texas Red Hot Sauce Challenge - shows his relationship with gary (his old race engineer) really well

Guess the Flavour: Japanese KitKat Taste Test - shows how weird mick is sometimes

Map The Track - himbo.

Mick celebrates with the team after first F1 points - hes so beloved

Gina and Crorinna's congrats after his first points

okay there's much much more, if you wanna get more into it I reccomend watching more of his prema and haas videos and just keep updated with him over his time at mercedes

dont be afraid to send me asks with questions or anyting!

and special thank you to 2/3 of the pillars of mickblr @acrosstobear and @schumaclerc for helping me out w some micklore and @stoffelvandoornegf for this post

[d10nyx]

NYYYYYYXXXXX!!!!!! HAIIIII HRUU :3! bless ur soul for putting up with my nonsensical yapping.. i love ur inputs<3 & NEW BOTS WOOO thank you for these gracious meals😋

AND I WAS THINKING (here we go again LMAO)..RE2 LEON AS A LOSER COLLEGE CLASSMATE. he’s a loner. kinda nerdy, not that talkative. sits in the back of any room. poor baby is too shy to make a conversation w anyone, & when/if he does, nobody’s listening/thinks his input is weird/is talking over him so he jus gives up on trying 2 make friends & just decides to focus on his studies (◞‸◟)

until popular!reader comes along & makes the effort to get to know Leon by sitting next to him. bro is baffled! but shes popular for a reason; so sweet & considerate, funny—cute! it’s the most attention that anybody has ever given him & he gets so drunk off of her mere presence that he just can’t help getting a little crush on her!

but then that quickly develops into an unhealthy obsession; “accidentally” bumping into her “randomly”, rubbing himself to pictures of her, attached to her by the hip! her bf doesn’t like him for being so touchy, so he kinda beats Leon up :(… a lesson is NOT learned bc Leon complains to reader abt his boo-boos, & she tells her bf off. seeing this, Leon tells her lies abt her bf & she believes him always bc Leon is nothing but an angel! 

bro has a whole wall dedicated to her. photos of her w her friends (who r etched out/cut out), her walking around campus, etc. mf collects her chewed-up pencils & forgotten hairties (bonus if they have strands on them) & and disposed gum-wrappers like they’re ancient artifacts. occasionally takes her empty/half-full waterbottles and licks & kisses the lip to pretend he’s making out with her. typically results in him whimpering her name while humping a pillow… yeah he’s pathetic, but she’s none the wiser!…. do u see my vision….

-🍼

🍼anon i'm literally on my knees asking for your hand in marriage because i love love LOOOVE creep/perv re2 leon :3 pls yap in my inbox forever bcs your ideas are so juicy and make me scream!! BUT HIII!!! i'm good !! hruuu?

but omg ofc i see the vision!! he's so sweet at first, just happy to have a friend. but reader is the only one who's ever treated him like this, and his innocent crush is so quick to become an obsession. the water bottle thing had me SCREAMING like ughhhh.

reader is so oblivious. leon is so unassuming and like... no one cares about him, so they don't notice when he slinks away at the beginning of the lecture with reader's room key... oops. he gets himself some souvenirs(aka used panties...) but he's also *such* a gentleman that he doesn't just care about that. he's also taking note of stuff like the shower gel n shampoo she uses so he can get the same ones as reader to feel closer to her :33

bonus points if he snaps one day. after she tells her bf off, her bf gets really fucking defensive about HIS girlfriend. every time leon walks into the room, he's pulling her in for a kiss - not just a peck, but like... a sloppy makeout sesh. leon ends up being like 'hi i wanna say sorry for how i've acted... come w me'. except he's not sorry at all (duh) and he gets rid of her boyfriend once and for all.

of course, he's the one to comfort reader when she's completely distraught at her bfs 'disappearance'. he lets her into his dorm room and cuddles her while being all sweet, using her emotional vulnerability to coax reader into letting him touch her. he's got her right where he wants her now. and if her friends start to catch on? he's got no problem disposing of them, too.

[butmakeitgayblog]

I have a strong dislike for the people on the fringes of Alycia's core friends group. They are the ones who make the little comments about her fanbase while her core friends have embraced her fanbase.

Well I'm not entirely sure who you're even talking about or what happened, but generally speaking idrgaf what people think anyway. People always got opinions on every damn thing you do, think, feel, and enjoy, and some people just like to ridicule the things that don't fall entirely within their own little hiveminded interests. Some people really never mentally leave high school, they're eternally the class bully, so it's not even worth paying attention to. So that's a pretty good point to start at. Like what you like, ignore other people.

That being said, my opinion on this is - in a general sense - split, because tbh it is true that there is a decent portion of her fanbase who act absolutely fucking wild and inappropriate, and it is weird. If you've ever ventured into her comments section? My insides necrotize instantaneously from embarrassment on her behalf more often than not. And they do it under other people's posts that involve her too! They'll dm her friends and costars asking about her, jump on people's IG lives and only talk about her (they used to do this to poor Colman regularly, god bless and protect that man), I've seen them do really fucking creepy location tracking on her friends/bf to try and pry into her personal life.

Like. She does have fans that do overstep lines on a regular basis and it is gross and weird. That behavior should be called out, and it makes sense that it is fucking tiring to deal with. I'm sure Alycia complains about it to them herself! I would too! I would also get tired if under every single post - including posts about new projects and new work I've done - people spammed it with messages about old roles that I had finished years prior. I would also get annoyed if people constantly made directly sexual comments right to me and my posts without any regard to my comfort. I would feel embarrassed af if people went to my friends pages and left those same comments, or ignored my friend's wonderful accomplishments just to talk about me. It's not hard to be decent to someone, and yet some people just do not care.

On the flip side of that, some people are just professional haters and extremely pretentious/self aggrandizing. Some people truly are only happy when they're ridiculing other people because it gives them self-validation 🤷‍♀️. Most ardent fans of celebs tend to be women as well, and historically anything women do or like is cause for shaming and mocking because misogyny and internalized misogyny is very real. A dude can know literally every single piece of trivia about their favorite athlete and follow their entire career and they're just deemed "a loyal fan", but a woman could know a bunch of factoids about her fave celeb and support their career and suddenly she's "a weird obsessive fanatic." There's always going to be double standards, which is why I say at some point you have to just like what you like and say fuck you to everything else. Especially when you're a queer woman (which the majority of her fans are) and your interest is intrinsically queer-based, because whew buddy the only thing worse than a woman liking things is a gay woman liking things.

Ya know. Cuz we're icky 🥰😘

[jseobsky]

I'm not weird.

paring ! bf!Niki x gn!Reader genre ! angst-comfort synposis ! people aren't nice with their words towards things they don't understand. after starting to feel ashamed about your interest towards kpop, niki comes to comfort you. warnings ! crying, feeling ashamed, idk bro, swearing haven't proofread w/c ! 0.8k

a/c ! totally not writing this because lately people have been making me feel ashamed of my liking towards kpop- totally not... too lazy to add a picture, might add one later

master list ! enha's master list

Lately my colourful world has faded into a black and white madness. Truly showed me what people’s words could do to my happiness. I wonder if I’ll be strong enough to hide a part of me that is so important, a part of me that has saved my life. I can’t hide what makes me me. But I’ll have to try. People made me ashamed of me, people made me ashamed of what makes me happy. Maybe this means I’ll never be happy again, or at least that I won’t show it.

I talk to my plushy about it. It listens to my rants and to my cries for help. I don’t have a person to talk about it tho, everyone seems to deem what I love as odd. Maybe only unalived things will be my saviour. I also talk to myself, to my imagination, they comfort me. “Am I weird?” I say to the nothingness. A person appears in front of me, it holds my shoulder. “No. No you aren’t. You can’t be, no.” 

“Hey, are you okay?” The soft voice talks to me again, I open my eyes, they immediately start to water. “How did you know?” My voice trembles. He sits on my bed and caresses my hair, trying to stay calm. “Just had a feeling when you didn’t reply to any of my messages. You usually spam me 24/7 about any new kpop news,” Niki says with a frowned expression. I shrink down my bed. I’ve been avoiding talking about anything related to my special interests. It was hard, more when I didn’t know what to talk about outside them. My life revolved around my interests so, did my life just end? “Nothing interesting came out, sorry” I try to come up with an excuse. Niki raises an eyebrow at me. “I know damn well that’s not true, someone just confirmed that aespa is having a comeback soon. Also, today is vi’enx pre-debut album. I know how excited you were about it” I look down. “So confess, who the fuck said something that made you be this down that you haven’t even opened up Spotify to listen to Tricky house like you’ve been for the past weeks?” 

Maybe I couldn’t escape this one. The more I tried to come up with an excuse, the more Niki looked at me waiting for an answer knowing what will be a lie and what will be not. “Some people commented about how weird my liking towards kpop is” I look into his eyes. His eyes are widened and he looks shocked at my answer. “Did they know you?” “Why does that matter?” He scoffed. “Well it’obvious. Anyone who knows you and knows about how happy kpop makes you shouldn’t talk shit about it” I look to the side. Oh. Niki lets out a breath trying to calm himself down. “Look. I’m not saying that if you don’t tell me their names right now I won’t go find them and make them regret their words. But that’s exactly what I’m saying.” He tries to joke. I smile a bit, for the first time in a while. “But meanwhile,” he continues, “let’s talk about why what they said is completely wrong. You shouldn’t feel bad, ashamed, or even disgusted by something that makes you feel happy. Did they say it was weird? Heck, I’m sure their interests are weird as well. Was it a football fan? Lord, I hate those people, they be criticizing people for being fans of things, and then they shout whenever their bias- I mean favourite player scores a goal. Also, it’s not weird. Why would it be weird to enjoy music, to enjoy something?” “They say it’s weird because of the idols, they don’t mind the music, just not my love for the people behind the music.” “Have they never loved an artist? Or a singer? Matter of a fact, have they ever had a friend? Because it doesn’t seem so. It seems they don’t understand the connection you can have with someone because of their craft.” I stand up from my laying position, sitting now in front of Niki. “It’s because of the fanfics, and the jokes about me loving them as if they were my partner” Niki gasped dramatically. “As if they were your partner for fuck's sake. Look at me, I’m the one dating you, right?” I nod. “And I don’t find it weird when you fangirl about how hot does Kang Taemoo or Namjoon look like, right?” “Well I don’t know about that, maybe you do-” “I don’t.” Niki cuts me. “I find it cute, because I know you love me in a completely different way you love them. It makes you happy, why wouldn’t I want you to be happy?” 

We stay quiet for a few seconds. “You’re right” Niki’s eyes soften again at my broken voice. “It makes me happy, I shouldn’t let people make me feel ashamed of it.” He hugs me. “You’re right, you shouldn’t. And seriously, if someone makes you feel like that ever again, tell me. I’ll come and cuddle you while watching a show or a movie and we’ll talk trash about how locals don’t understand us.”

[vorpalfae]

ive been living with sensory issues my whole life, i freak out when someone makes small changes to my routine, like i hate doing spontaneous things, most of the time i hate physical affection, & i have such a hard time socializing & making friends. i have bipolar disorder and other disorders like anxiety, etc. but my treatment for those things doesn't help with these other issues i have. i hate being like this and i want to work toward change but i don't know what to do to work toward it. 😞

like i said i have trouble making friends and i always have since i was a kid. i've always felt like an alien compared to other ppl. and that's fine because i prefer being alone. but i hate that i can't act normal in social situations and ppl always think im rude or weird when im not trying to be 😢 and it sucks because i kinda have to be in social settings sometimes because i have children. and i dread it for these reasons every time. nobody is interested in the same things as me. and when i talk about my interests ppl tell me im too obsessed with something or tell me its weird altogether. which hurts. and when i am able to make "friends" i always get taken advantage of because i can never tell when someone is taking advantage of me and my kindness or if they have malicious intentions with me. and i feel stupid every time because my bf will tell me they are "obviously playing you" or my mom will say stuff like "can't you tell that they aren't interested?" or the one i always get is "why can't you see that this guy is flirting with you/trying to sleep with you."

idk if im just having a panic attack or a mental breakdown or what. but this has been building up inside of me for years. i feel so stupid and weird. i have to carry lotion around with me because if my hands don't have moisture on them at all times i literally sit there with chills going up my spine and i can't touch anything. certain clothes make me want to rip my skin off. and my family gets annoyed every time i have to run back in the house because i forgot to grab it. which just adds to the guilt i feel for being this way and i can't control these issues no matter how hard i try.

i've literally made so many lists and "rules" for myself on how to act around ppl and i try so hard to follow them just to get through whatever event is going on.

i think thats why i throw myself into my interests and use them to escape reality so much. once i find something i like i become obsessed with it forever and i talk about it so much to the point where my bf tells me its too much. certain characters and shows are the only thing that brings me comfort sometimes. i have so many unnecessary lists and categories for my interests. i know its very time consuming and pointless but just having them makes me feel better. like pinterest for example is my best friend lol. making these lists and stuff just soothes me in a way. as stupid as that sounds. but even tho it comforts me it still makes me feel stupid because ive never met anyone else who does that.

i've never ever spoken about this stuff online/publicly before. mainly because of embarrassment and fear of being bullied for it since ive already been relentlessly harassed for a million other things. i just have so much anxiety all the time. and doing pointless things helps with it but i want to stop feeling this way. or at least have answers as to why i am this way so maybe i can fix it. im tired of feeling awkward or different from other ppl. i want to be normal and pleasant to be around. i want to get along with the other parents at school functions instead of being scared to talk to ppl. i can't even make eye contact with anyone i talk to. ive tried since i was LITERALLY a child and no matter what i always get scared or nervous and look away. and its really noticeable to other ppl because they've mentioned it to me.

i'm posting this to vent but also maybe someone reading this has gone through the same thing or can help me. because i feel so hopeless and im scared im going to be this way forever. ive only been able to find info on the sensory thing and ive found that there is no way to get rid of it. ive tried everything and ive given up on that. but i know i can change my actions and how i interact with ppl if i can just figure out WHY i am like this.

pls don't laugh at me or say anything mean if you choose to comment on this post. i already have so much anxiety and fear about posting it. i don't want sympathy or anything like that. i just need help 😞🥺😢

i have an appointment booked for seeing a psychiatrist but that isn't until november i haven't seen one since i was a little kid. so i'm hoping to maybe get some answers in the meantime.

i already can't work and im getting disability soon because my bipolar is so crippling. it affects my ability to function so much. and i have these other problems on top of it. the fact that i can't even make a living like "normal" ppl makes me feel bad about myself already. and since i can't get a job or a career i want i just want to feel normal in my everyday life and around ppl AT THE VERY LEAST.

[fairyhaos]

Talk about your moots; what do you like most about them (could be a paragraph or a single sentence, spread the love!!)

oh oh okay let's do this !! i did as many people as possible, but there are some of my moots that i haven't talked to much yet 😭 but know that i love all of you sm and im so happy that we're moots <3

@etherealyoungk my lovely wonderful skye <3 she's one of the first ever friends i made here and i love that every day without fail she sends me a text to check up on how i'm doing. i'm not the best at maintaining contact with people but the effort she puts in makes me feel less awkward about reaching out and i love her so much for that

@kyeomyun my beloved!!! jada is so bright and sweet and i love screaming with her about anything and everything, haha. she just Gets me so well (esp how goddamn in love i am with josh) and it's always just so so fun to talk with her <3

@rubywonu nia my lovely soleil! i haven't been able to talk to you much lately but she's been one of my biggest supporters since day one and i will forever love her for being such a wonderful and chill and bright friend to me

@slytherinshua zanna and her extrovertedness is what has made me able to form closer connections with so many people here i swear 😭 without her i wouldn't have talked more to axe, rania, or kie purely bc she's always around to talk to others and it indirectly helps me talk to people too, haha

@odxrilove the only person to call me pookie and honestly 😭 it's rlly cute i love it??? j'aime parler en français in dori's inbox even tho my french isn't really up to scratch haha and she's always the funniest and most vibrant person to have conversations with

@icyminghao little bear!!!!! i don't know how to explain it, but there's something so fresh and adorable about talking with my little bear. i feel like im talking to my bestie and my little sister at the same time and we might not talk a lot these days (fucken EXAMS) but im always cheering u on <3

@mirxzii roxie is so goofy silly sweet i love her actually. she always pops into my inbox with the most random things and i adore her for it (not when she laughs at me for gushing over MY bf tho) and i just feel so grateful that she is able to come to me no matter the situation

@ylliris-hanniehae ylli!!! ylli is such a sweet person and she's another person who just randomly comes and checks up on me which im really glad for because again, im horrible at keeping up friendships bc im just. shy okay 😭 but no conversation is ever dull with her, and i think she's just so sweet fr

@gyuswhore em the coolest person ever fr???? we've had maybe 3 conversations together in total and all of them have been about the same weird topic 😭 but she's so fun and cool and ngl i do feel a little intimidated when talking to her but honestly i think that's part of her charm

@hannyoontify kie lovely i really need to talk to you more oml!! you're always just endlessly sweet and i think that we would seriously have a really really great time if we held a conversation together so like... this is me promising ill reach out to you sometime <3

@wheeboo rania your fics??????? always the loveliest most comforting things ever omg i don't know how you do it. you're literally one of the brightest and most hilarious people ever and also just so so sweet and kind.

@blue-jisungs axe!!! lovely lovely axe whose nails are just so so slay and whose new hair looks incredible. you're so funny and lovely seriously, and i think we should talk 1 on 1 more often (especially bc when im at home we're actually???? in almost the same time zone haha)

[soullikethesea]

I really needed to journal. Wrote five pages!

There's so much to process. I decided that I *will* actually do the tantra workshop. 😱 It's mostly about getting to know yourself and learning to feel what you want/do not want and express that to another person. It seems like something I need if I to develop further as a person/adult, but it is certainly tricky and it's hard to tell whether it is already the right time for something like this. I mean, I struggled a TON with the haptotherapy. I think that was maybe also the setting... alone, isolated. And the therapist I tried was a guy. I made sure to sign up for an all-women's day for the workshop. I'm quite certain that being around men would give me Bf flashbacks.

So there's that... I read the first book of Heartstopper as well and I cried so much. Fox's pain. Not being accepted... ouchie ouch.

It makes me think of that time when I was around 12 and a random boy punched me in the street. I was with my friend and he was with a friend as well. My friend exclaimed: "She's a girl!" and he stopped. Said he'd mistaken me for a brother of someone he knew... it seemed fake - it was probably a dare or something like that. But yeah, it felt so strange to be punched by a random person. I was quite shocked that being more like myself had this effect. During that time I felt unsafe in general from the bullying and the stuff at home as well. I was growing into a different stage in life: now free to leave the house alone, go for runs in the park.

It was painful to be around most other children. I basically only had that one friend, who later turned out to be a trans guy, btw. I wasn't sure if I was gay, I didn't really want anything to do with girls my age and that made me doubt that idea. (They were mostly mean girls). I liked being with a guy while being perceived as a guy, but not as a girl. Most people thought I was a boy during that time.

Later I felt like I had to surrender to becoming more feminine, because I'd never heard of binders and yeah... my face and my hips were more obviously female. I developed really bad posture trying to hide my chest. But other than that I felt like there wasn't much I could do to feel more comfortable. At some point I remember asking in a bra shop if I could at least get a bra where it seemed like I just had one boob bump in my shirt instead of two. Kind of a funny/weird question. Turns out that it is something that hinges on wearing tighter shirts...

Anyway, so later on I started to feel more comfortable as a woman. It really started feeling like that once I started sports. I love what my body can do & I love to be strong. It helps me be more at peace. I don't look androgynous, but it makes me feel more like it. More comfortable.

So, now I'm trying to coax Fox into feeling the comfort as well. I know it's more tolerable for him now that we have broad shoulders. We can be a woman in our own way.

And I always felt like I was a strange girl, but I think I was a pretty average gay girl. A nerdy one, obsessed with imaginative play and nature. But yeah. How some girls are - aside from the mean girl types - and, I guess, how some gay girls are.

[yandere-kokeshi]

I broke up with my ex bf because I’m fairly certain he was low key stalking me. There’s rlly too much to cover unless you were there tbh but basically here are the main reasons or things that tipped me off.

I mentioned that yung gravy is generally (and very platonically) attractive and he got super jealous and told me that he didn’t want to hear abt it and he doesn’t like that I find other ppl attractive besides him.but the thing is he would buy kpop albums and send me pics of the posters and photo cards and tell me how hot they were so like ???? Huh. 🚩

Another reason is that I mentioned that I would have to be very comfortable around him to consider a lot of physical stuff, even kissing bc I’ve had some shit happen in the past and he was like 🥺👉👈 b-but I’m your boyfriend so it shouldn’t matter.

Pretty much any conversation after those two where we were talking abt serious shit, for example the differences person to person in the love you learn from parents and guardians, or love languages and how everyone has a different receiving and giving language, he would bring up the fact that i didn’t want to be physical and found other people attractive besides only him and say that I didn’t love him. 🤪

He also said I love you on the second day of dating after only knowing him at a coworker level for about 4 months prior. There’s a lot more that you rlly had to be there to get it. but idk we only dated for like a month and a half and I was getting maaajor red flags. Like when we would FaceTime I found out he would screen record a lot of our calls 💀 and at work he said he would stare at me all shift, and other stuff like that.

I also have weirdly prophetic dreams and up until I dated him I hadn’t had a nightmare since I was a child but I kept kept having nightmares where he was stalking me. Which sounds crazy but with the stuff he would say sometimes like idk. And get this, we used to go on shopping dates to a specific store and I hadn’t been to that store in a month since I broke up with him and the day i decided to randomly go there with a friend he randomly appeared out of nowhere after we were finished walking around the store for like an hour or so and got behind me in the self checkout line. 💀 I couldn’t tell why it bothered me so much for like two weeks but I realized he makes a certain face when he’s fake surprised at something and he made that face when he saw me so no way was bro surprised. Like 🤨. He also texted me after I saw him in the store and noticed the very small change I made to my hairstyle. Like I parted my bangs ever so slightly different and he texted me abt it. 💀

There was a lot of other stuff like him getting low key upset when I would hang out with my friends that he has never met before. Or when he would hang out with his friend (singular I’m dead serious only one friend) he would say stuff to try and get me to be jealous over the fact that he’s hanging out with someone else🚩💀🚩

Yandere is fun in fiction, not irl. 💀💀Anyway there’s my reason for breaking up.

Yikes, no that's a whole lotta red flags 🚩🚩

I'm happy you ended it and now that you're okay and safe! One of the few reasons I don’t date straight guys!!

One time, this guy who I went on a date with said I smelled good. Which, was nice. But he continually bring it up; "Oh my god, I cannot get enough of your smell" and "what kind of shampoo do you use? It's smells so delightful!"

I mean, saying someone smells nice is a good compliment. But if you continuously say it and be weird about it, it's a red flag.

Again, I'm happy you ended it. Hope your okay :]!

[inmaki]

when you say nickname do you mean like an emoji?? maybe 🍉anon cause watermelons >>> (anon who talks about yuuji yes)

also also i sent in a loaded ask regarding gojo and i just want to make sure if you've received it or not; no need to answer it if you don't want to, and i apologize if it's something you're not comfy with answering aaaa

n e ways thank you for the food-- the latest ones have me all giddy because, in relation to the ass n tits one too, i lack the bosom department. greatly, lmao, actually--good to know most of my faves prefer the other two.

i know this is a weird question but what's ur honest opinion on body hair? again, no need to answer if you're not comfortable. it just crosses my mind often whenever i read nsfw/suggestive works, and idk, maybe i'm a weirdo but it makes me insecure more often than not

- 🍉

i meant like a nickname but tbh emoji works too!! “i lack the bosom department” HELP 😭 i giggled out loud BUT IM SORRY UR BF (yuji) IS THE BIGGEST ASS LOVER I HAVE SEEN <\333 its ok cuz he loves the other two just as much ✊

hmmmmm body hair is a pretty debatable thing,,, personally my mom took me to get my arms and legs lasar removed a while back so i dont have to worry about those, but from talkin to my guy friends, a lot of them prefer women with little to no body hair, especially on their arms for some reason 😭😭 one of my friends said he stopped liking a girl cuz she had hairy arms I WAS LIKE WTF IS WRONG WITH U ??? but yeah :( baby PLEASE do not feel insecure about it body hair is the most natural thing ever !!! its up to personal preference some guys (like my friends) are just weird af

[saxophones]

What made you detransition or rather how did you realize you no longer identify as such? /gen

Well basically I went to a gender therapist per the recommendation of my regular therapist (who fully believed I was trans but she didn't feel comfortable prescribing HRT considering her lack of experience in the field). I had about 20 sessions with him and at one point after about 8 he said that based on the criteria for gender dysphoria he was prepared to write me a prescription for HRT but he wanted to know that I was comfortable with it. I realized I wasn't because giving up the possibility of having biological children hit me like a huge truck. I am aware that some trans men can get pregnant but it's not a sure thing for everyone and also the idea of being perceived as a pregnant man made me very uncomfortable (back then I would have said dysphoric, in reality I'm sure it was just the social stigma), more uncomfortable than the idea of being perceived as a pregnant woman. I am adopted and I have seen firsthand how hard it was for my mom to not have her own bio kids. She still feels sad about it even though I am enough for her. I had always planned on having kids and went through a phase when I was 15 or 16 where I was researching pregnancy in-depth. This should have been another sign I was cis lol.

Anyway so I told my gender therapist I wanted to wait and have a couple kids with a likeminded bisexual cis man or trans woman and then transition. We then spent several sessions talking about other things entirely. In my mind I still identified as a closeted trans man for another year or so but I only told my boyfriend at the time who was bi so he didn't care and I un-came out to my parents - told them it was just a phase and they were relieved. :(

While I was dating that guy, I had a huge crush on a different cis guy who was straight. With this straight guy I would fantasize about having a straight relationship and straight sex, and eventually I did start dating him but didn't really feel the desire to come out to him as trans. I felt weird about having come out to my old bf and I wished that I could just pretend to be a cis woman again to everyone I knew. At some point it occurred to me that while the obvious explanation for this is that trans identity is stigmatized, many trans people do feel relieved when they come out regardless, especially to people that are as supportive as my boyfriend and friends were. It instead occured to me that I wanted to present as a cis woman because I WAS a cis woman but I was still kind of throwing ideas around in my head, not sure what was going on.

Then I happened to go on the subreddit for OCD and they had a bunch of subreddits for specific obsessions listed in the sidebar. I didn't know what /r/tocd stood for so I checked it out and it turns out there is a pretty common subtype of OCD based on the persistent idea that you're trans despite no evidence for this or pre-existing desire to transition (I think the sub is /r/transOCD now). I read through a bunch of posts on there and it basically explained everything I had gone through in the past few years. It was an OCD-based intrusive thought like my old ideas about having to do every problem in the math textbook or having to wear purple to open my crown chakra. Unfortunately this one was spurred on by a bit of social pressure like those posts that are like, "If you even are thinking about being trans, that means you're trans, cis people don't think about this shit" and egg memes on Reddit. Obviously there is also social pressure to NOT be trans but when you've filtered your social circle so stringently that it doesn't include any bigots and therefore anyone who would pressure you to not be trans, the pressure to accept it if you're thinking about it can be stronger in reality.

Like I'm sure that a lot of people who wonder if they're trans are the real deal, a much higher number than the general population, but people with OCD should stay far away from ideas like "If you think about X you are X." OCD makes you fixate on completely random things that have nothing to do with reality, they're not necessarily things you're afraid of, just because you fixate on being trans doesn't mean you're afraid of trans people or dislike them - it just means it's something that your brain has decided to latch onto because it's stuck in a horrible anxiety loop. Maybe I was afraid of being a man in women's spaces and the anxiety that unconsciously provoked in them, or of never coming across as feminine enough, or of my hypersexuality meaning that I was some sort of failed woman. There may very well be a rational root of the obsession but unfortunately TERFs and other people skeptical of trans people existing at all will take that and spin it to be an explanation for everyone who identifies as FTM. I'm sure a lot of trans men had similar feelings to me growing up in a lot of areas but the difference is that they have male brains and I simply don't, they're happier being men socially and physically as much as possible and I am happy with the opposite. So I hope no one takes my personal experience out of its personal context. If you have any more questions feel free to ask and sorry for the novel :)

[schreckensbleiches-nervenbuendel]

I was tagged by @underxstars. Thank youu! 😌💚

Share your wallpaper (phone): it's my favorite character from my favorite manga 'Soul Eater'

The last song you listened to:

Currently reading: I'm not reading any books at the moment because no time and concentration, but I got a whole box of 'the three investigators' books waiting for me.

Last Movie: 'In meinem Himmel' - the only movie that makes me cry like a baby every time I watch it.

Craving: chocolate and cigarettes

What are you wearing right now: I cleaned my apartment today. So I'm wearing black shorts and a black tank top.

How tall are you: 1,71 m

Piercings: two earlobe piercings on each side and a nostril piercing. I did earlobe piercings myself and I'm thinking about doing a third one.

Tattoos: on my left wrist - 'relapse' / on my right wirst - 'recovery' / in the font of an old typewriter

Glasses? Contacts?: Glasses

Last drink: water 😌

Last show: I'm re-watching 'Shameless' right now and I'm really shocked by the amount of sex scene. And the timing of the sex scenes is also very weird, like 'yeah, sure, something very traumatic happened a few hours ago and you seem very distressed. Let's not hug. Let's fuck - that's enough comfort'

Last thing you ate: tomato and mozzarella pizza

Favourite colour: Green. I love dark green! Reminds me of forests and moss.

Current obsession: the three investigators and Tatort are my longtime obsessions.

Unrelated obsession: I'm watching a lot of Let's Plays at the moment. I loved the Resident Evil 7 & Village Let's Plays.

Any pets: nope 🥺 but I had a few ghost insects and giant millipedes. They were soo cute 😩

Do you have a crush on anyone: my bf 😅 sometimes I just look at him and can't believe that he's my boyfriend. And I'm crushing on my friends because they're all so cute and funny. I just love em.

Favourite fictional character: Skinny Norris and Justus Jonas 😏 I guess, that's obvious.

The last place you traveled: the Netherlands

Again, thanks for tagging me! I'm tagging @peppsta @alintheshitposter and everyone who wants to do this!

[dabislittlemouse]

This may be a little weird but I just kind of wanted to talk to you about something. I've seen a therapist before, but even though this person is literally paid to listen to me because of who I am it never feels comfortable and as such there's something I've never told anyone. The thing is I often pretend as if I'm having conversations with Hawks. Like he's really in the room with me and when I'm upset or stressed it gives me comfort imagining that he's sitting with me and petting my head. Is...that weird? To feel more comforted by this fictional bird man than by my real family? It must sound strange and to anyone on the outside they could never understand where I'm coming from, but I just love Hawks! I honestly, truly do.

ANON WE’RE IN THE SAME WAVELENGTH HERE

This is not weird at all, I also talk with Dabi either in my head or literally outloud in my room lmfao, I pretend that he’s there sitting on my bed or next to me when I’m watching a movie on my laptop. We usually seek comfort from fictional characters and other things when we don’t get that much in real life. Most of the time I’m alone, I don’t have many friends and I’m very picky with the people I choose to stay with, and I feel like Dabi could be not only a fictional bf but also the bestest friend I could ever have. It’s just easier man..

Honestly I don’t get much comfort from my family either, they have never created that comfort zone for me to open up emotionally and have my feelings validated, so since a kid until now as an adult I’ve always gone to my comfort characters to feel better. So this is absolutely not weird, life is shitty enough and the least we could do is escape in our imaginary world with our fictional husbands and feel better. Your love for that character is valid.