#I'm not going to shut up about The Witch's House for like 2 years <3

[starrbar]

Ellen the narehate

The Witch's House: The Diary of Ellen + Made in Abyss spoilers

In the Diary of Ellen manga, there's a scene where for a brief moment, I felt joy for Ellen despite knowing what a horrible person she is.

It's the one where she's running in Viola's body and she's just overjoyed to finally, after a couple hundred years, be able to run without trouble and breathe clearly and just... be healthy. Something she always felt that other people take for granted because they don't realize how painful her disease was and how much it limited her. And she's thinking the words to herself in near-disbelief, processing the fact that it's real. She then hugs herself and kisses her shoulder. Not only feeling relief, but pure happiness at finally achieving the one desire she always had. Such a simple thing that should have been hers inherently, but that, in her view, was unfairly kept from her all her life.

With all that said, I'd love to give her the Mitty treatment! >:3 See how she finally loses her mind trapped in a blob body like that. Then Viola's ghost can haunt her or some shit idk.

Or just stick her in a Danganronpa execution hehe. It would work since despair is the key to a witch's death. 8D

Tbh though, I do love the idea of Made in Abyss AUs for Ellen especially. Like, sure, there's the idea of her getting ultra karma by becoming a narehate in the way you really DON'T want to. But on the other hand, what about an AU where she and Viola were genuine friends and Viola ended up essentially in Mitty's position, a sacrifice that gave Ellen a new fluffy narehate body? She would finally be healed from her sickness (says me, idk), but she would be alone without her one true friend.

It just reminds me of that line Nanachi says, "even though I know I didn't receive this body just to lie around and sleep all the time." I think Ellen would live out that ideal whether it's canon her or AU her. Everything she went through just to finally be able to run freely and explore what the world has to offer? She wouldn't spend another full day indoors, that's for sure!

[peachyysugaa]

blood castle i. || enha 02z

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♜ main pairing: vampire! 02z x gn! reader

♜ genre: hogwarts au, mystery, fluff/angst

♜ wc: 2k

♜ warnings: mentions of blood (pg13), purposefully lowercase

♜ other pairings: lisa x namjoon, slight rose x jungkook

♜ a/n: disclaimer that i don't actually ship these pairings, i just find it fitting for the story :] also kinda boring chapter but we're setting things up <3 also hearts at the end of each chapter to keep track of how oc gets along with 02z hehe lmk what you think!

♜ index: teaser | next | masterlist

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i. make the most of it

"what will i do when you're both gone? jennie just left and you two are next!" you pout in your train seat as your best friends exchange teasing smiles. as you get closer and closer to hogwarts, you can't help but keep thinking about rose and lisa inevitably graduating this year.

"i don't know y/n, maybe find some friends your age?" lisa teases. you groan outwardly, tilting your head back.

rose, the ever-exemplary hufflepuff, extends her hands out to yours on the table and grabs hold of them. you stop your obnoxious groaning to stare back at her kind smile. "lili has a point, y/nie. it wouldn't hurt to branch out this year so that lisa and i don't have to worry about you."

your eyes widened. "worry?! what's that supposed to mean?"

rose lets go of your hands to cover her mouth as she laughs while lisa is losing it. the gryffindor 7th year is wiping joyful tears out of her eyes, which isn't helping your case.

you sit, pouting once again and waiting for them to explain.

"two words, y/n," lisa begins while holding two fingers up in a peace sign that you know is anything but peaceful. "you're. clumsy."

"am not!" you defied. your best friends exchange looks once again before raising an eyebrow at you. "tell me one time when i was clumsy!"

"remember that time you tried to shut a mandrake up by putting your hand on its mouth and then it bit you?" rose asks.

"oh! that was so funny!" lisa says, trying to hold back her laughter. "my favorite is when she made a lizard instead of a mini dragon in transfiguration but then it burned her eyebrows off!"

as they share your most embarrassing moments, your ears begin heating up and all you want to do is transfigure yourself into the train seat.

"i stand corrected..." you mumble out unwillingly.

"we love you, y/nie. we only want someone to look out for you when we graduate," rose says as lisa nods.

"fine, fine. i get it, moms."

"you love us."

"yea, yea, i love my two moms who come after my clumsiness all the time."

"as you should, now let's get changing. the train is almost at school."

the older hufflepuff was right. you could see the tall towers of the second home you've come to love in the distance as you glance out the window. this year may be bittersweet since the last of your friend group would be leaving you behind, but you were determined to make the most of it with them and perhaps make some new friends this year.

"i'll stay to keep our spot, you two go ahead," lisa tells you and rose.

"going to text your joonie?" rose teases. the gryffindor's ears have a red tinge at the sound of her nickname for her boyfriend.

"just go before the changing rooms fill up," she mumbles. but as you close the door to your shared booth, you can see that she has already pulled out her phone with a cheeky smile as she waves hi on facetime with namjoon who is slightly older than her and currently working as a magizoologist for the ministry.

you smile to yourself, remembering their relationship when you were just a first year. "come on, yn!" rose calls out.

you break out of your daze and see her several feet away from you. "sorry, eonnie!"

you take your hand off the handle, which you didn't register it was still on, and start to move towards her, carrying your blouse, tie and skirt. before you could reach her, you bump into a hard chest.

you hear a deep oof noise from the figure as you rub your forehead.

"i am so sorry!" you hurriedly whisper.

"you're alright, y/n." you recognize the voice and look up to see sim jaeyun from your house and year. "did you hit your head too hard?" he kindly worries.

"i—"

"yn!!" rose shouts.

"sorry, jaeyun," you apologetically smile as you brush past him. "coming, eonnie!!"

you could've sworn he said something like it was nice to see you, but you were far too focused on not letting rose wait any long. she's definitely amicable like most hufflepuffs, but like most hufflepuffs, you probably don't want to see them angry. you should know since lisa says you're already bad hangry.

it's a quick in and out of the changing room and back to your booth where lalisa waits, staring out the window and watching the castle come closer. it's like a wrestler tag team as you and rose high-five her on your way in and her way out. immediately, the two of you settle down and as you get comfortable in your seat, you notice that she's smirking with you, her eyebrow raised.

"why are you looking at me like that, eonnie?" you ask hesitantly. your fingers look more interesting picking fights with each other.

"oh, nothing," she replies, not giving up her smirk. "just wondering when you and jake were close."

"he's literally the same year and house as me. i can't go a year without a class with him."

she hums like she doesn't believe you. "really?"

"really, really."

"really, really, really?" you groan at her response as she starts to giggle.

"do you wanna talk about your crush on jeon jungkook then, eonnie?" she shuts up then and there, and it's your turn to smirk. "thought so."

"that's hogwarts' idol right there, yn. everyone likes him one way or another, so hush!"

"hush about what?" lisa asks as she slides the door open.

"nothi—"

"jeon jungkook." rose glares at you.

"ohh, rosie's crush of 6 years?" your other friend confirms as she closes the door.

"the one and only."

"you know, he and i are co-captains this year for quidditch. you should just come to our practices."

"will he even notice me? i mean..." your focus on their conversation starts to waver as you glance through the door window. outside your door is the familiar trolley witch with all her pastries and drinks, and you can't help but have a craving for your favorite chocolate frogs. you also can't help but notice the other figure with the trolley witch: the very same sim jaeyun you bumped into earlier.

"eonnies, i'm going to buy some chocolate frogs. do you want any?" you ask, keeping an eye on the figures outside your window.

"cauldron cake for me please!"

"let's have every flavor beans for old time's sakes!"

"alright," you say as you slide the door open and close. they go back to their conversation about a plot to get the hogwarts idol that you're sure is bound to go wrong.

"7 blood lollipops please." you hear jake order. you recall him having a large group of friends across different houses and different years, but for all of them to like blood lollipops is quite unheard of.

"you're not going to have all of those, are you?" you ask him, approaching the trolley.

"y/n," he greets with a smile and a shake of his head as he hands his coins to the witch. "no, my friends and i all really like them. i think i would have a headache if i were to eat all 7."

"2 chocolate frogs, bertie's beans, and a cauldron cake please," you order before turning back to him. "does it really taste like blood, or is it just to trick people into thinking you're vampires?"

jake's face pales though it's hard to see because he's already on the pale side and you're counting out your coins to give to the trolley witch. "personally, i think it tastes like cherry."

you hum as you gather your goodies together, and jake is thankful that you're not paying too much attention to how he reacted. "i'll take your word for it."

the trolley witch moves along, doing what she's done for many years and more to come. you're finally focusing on him more now that you have all your snacks and accomplished being a good citizen by paying the fees. your eyes search his face, go past his sharp jawline, and make their way to the shiny prefect badge on his black and gold robes. the prefect engraving is hard to see against the blinding gold of the hufflepuff badge, but it's hard to miss.

"oh, are you a prefect?" you ask curiously.

"yup, so don't stay out too late. i might have to write you up," he teases.

you playfully roll your eyes at him. "please, when am i not a model student?"

"i would say right now because we're about five minutes away from the castle, and you still don't have your robes on, miss l/n," he jokingly tsks at you.

"ahh, but you see, that's not my fault there, mr. prefect," you banter back.

"oh? then maybe i won't have to give you the first detention?"

"well, mr. sim, i was only taking care of my precious eonnies and buying them snacks. i paid my fees and also engaged in conversation with my fellow classmate, so i've been a little preoccupied," you acted out, playing the role of an innocent student.

"hmm.. engaging in conversation with your classmates on the first day does seem to follow the rules," he lightheartedly agrees. jake is about to add more, but his friends call out to him.

"hey, jake, what's taking so long?!"

"you'd better go take care of your friends, mr. sim," you tease. "be a good hyung, won't you?"

his beaming smile causes your heart to skip a few beats. "alright, miss l/n, but make sure not to let me catch you out of uniform." he waves before hurrying to his own booth.

when you open the door to yours, a chorus of oooh's from your eonnies is what you receive. you roll your eyes at them before shutting the door and grabbing your robe. you can see theirs were already on, the equally shining, gold head girl badge pinned on rose's robe.

"i think she'll be just fine on our own when we're gone, rosie," lisa teases as you slip your arms through your sleeves and tuck your wand in your pocket.

"just don't keep one of my prefects distracted, y/nie," rosie adds.

"so long as you aren't distracted by your head boy, rosie," you tease back.

"no way, jeon jungkook is head boy," she gasps at you.

"i don't know, but i just caught you simping in 4k!" you stick your tongue out at her as she whines and lalisa throws her head back in laughter.

"there really is only one choice though, so it probably is him," lisa affirms.

"i swear, if you two are wrong..." rose pouts.

"but if we're not, you'll get to spend more time with him and get to know him instead of just admiring him from afar like everyone else!" you console.

"well, we'll find out soon enough. we're here," lisa announces as she grabs her trunk from the top rack, helping you get yours and rose hers.

"thanks, eonnie! so glad your long legs are so useful!" you thank.

"yah! they'll be useful for kicking you too, ungrateful brat," she jokingly chastises.

"oh no, lisa eonnie is going to kill me!" you shout dramatically. "rose eonnie, save me!"

"it's going to be a long year," she sighs with a smile keeping close behind as you run off the train and lisa chases after you.

jake's expression mirrors rose's as he watches the trio run off to the nearest carriage. a crack forms in his blood lollipop as he sucks on it harder, the sweet taste of blood running across his tongue. "hyung, come on. let's get in the carriage," jungwon calls to him, his own sucker making his words slightly muddled.

"coming," he mumbles, securing his trunk and stepping into the carriage where his 6 friends wait for him.

their fangs are dripping with the blood of the lollipops.

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jake: ♥ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ (lvl. 1)

jay: ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ (lvl. 1)

sunghoon: ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ (lvl. 1)

[ibuki-loves-you]

cutely sends the shrek script

Shrek: "Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from the dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss." [Laughing] Like that's ever gonna happen.[Paper Rustling, Toilet Flushes]Shrek: What a load of--[Toilet Door slams]Shrek hops out his outhouse and his routine like taking a mud shower and farting in his pool.[♪ All-Star By Smash Mouth Playing]Steve Harwell: ♪ Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead. The years start comin', and they don't stop comin', fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin', didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with takin' the backstreets. You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder, you're bundled up now, but wait till you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ judging by the hole in the satellite picture. The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin, the water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire, how 'bout yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. Hey, now, you're an all-star. ♪[Shouting]Steve Harwell: ♪ Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪[Belches]Villagers: Go! Go![Record Scrating]Steve Harwell: ♪ Go. Go. Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪Villagers: Think it's in there? All right! Let's get it!Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing could do to you?Villager 2: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.Shrek: [Laughs] Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres-- they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.Villager 3: No!Shrek: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.Villager 3: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya![Gasping]Villager 3: Right.[Roaring][Shouting][Roaring][Roaring Continues][Shouting Continues]Shrek: [Whispers] This is the part where you run away.[Gasping]Shrek: [Laughs] [Laughing] And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." [Sighs]Guard 1: All right. This one's full. Take it away![Gasps]Guard 2: Move it along. Come on. Get up!Captain of the Guards: Next!Guard 3: Give me that! Your flying days are over.Captain of the Guards: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next.Guard 4: Get up!Captain of the Guards: Twenty pieces.Guard 5: Come on![Thudding]Guard 6: Sit down there! Keep quiet!Bear: [Crying] This cage is too small.Donkey: Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!Old Lady: Oh, shut up!Donkey: Oh!Captain of the Guards: Next! What have you got?Geppetto: This little wooden puppet.Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.Captain of the Guards: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.Pinocchio: Father, please! Don't let them do this!Captain of the Guards: Next.Pinocchio: Help me!Captain of the Guards: What have you got?Old Lady: Well, I've got a talking donkey.[Grunts]Captain of the Guards: Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.Old Lady: Oh, go ahead, little fella.Captain of the Guards: Well?Old Lady: Oh, oh, he's just-- He's just a little

nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt--Captain of the Guards: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!Old Lady: No, no, he talks! He does. [Moves Donkey’s lips] I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.Captain of the Guards: Get her out of my sight.Old Lady: No, no! I swear. Oh! He can talk!Donkey: [Gasps] Hey, I can fly!Peter Pan: He can fly!Pigs: He can fly!Captain of the Guards: He can talk!Donkey: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking, donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Uh-oh.Captain of the Guards: Seize him!Guard 7: After him! He's getting away![Grunts, Gasps]Guard 8: Get him! This way! Turn!Captain of the Guards: You there. Ogre!Shrek: Aye?Captain of the Guards: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest, and transport you to a designated, resettlement facility.Shrek: Oh, really? You and what army?[Gasps, Whimpering]Donkey: [Chuckles] Can I say somethin' to you? Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible!Shrek: Are you talkin' to-- me? Whoa!Donkey: Yes, I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you was great back there? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, then bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babies in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.Shrek: Oh, that's great. Really.Donkey: Man, it's good to be free.Shrek: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?Donkey: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.[Roaring]Donkey: Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time-- [Mumbling] Then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day.Shrek: Why are you following me?Donkey: I'll tell you why. ♪ 'Cause I'm all alone. There's no one here beside me. My problems have all gone, there's no one to deride me. But you gotta have friends-- ♪Shrek: Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.Donkey: Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.Shrek: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?Donkey: Uh-- Really tall?Shrek: No! I'm an ogre. You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you?Donkey: Nope.Shrek: Really?Donkey: Really, really.Shrek: Oh.Donkey: Man, I like you. What's your name?Shrek: Uh, Shrek.Donkey: Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that?Shrek: That would be my home.Donkey: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you?Shrek: I like my privacy.Donkey: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. You know? Can I stay with you?Shrek: Uh, what?Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please?Shrek: Of course!Donkey: Really?Shrek: No.Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But, that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!Shrek: Okay! Okay! But one night only.Donkey: Ah! Thank you!Shrek: What are you-- No. No.Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles.Shrek: Oh!Donkey: Where do,

uh, I sleep?Shrek: Outside!Donkey: Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, I guess outside is best. [Sniffles] Here I go. Good night. [Sighs] I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself. Outside, I guess. You know. By myself. Outside. ♪ I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. ♪[Bubbling][Sighs][Creaking]Shrek: [Sighs] I thought I told you to stay outside?Donkey: I am outside.[Clattering][Clattering]Mouse 1: Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?Mouse 2: It's not home, but it'll do just fine.Gorder: What a lovely bed.Shrek: Got ya.Gorder: [Sniffs] I found some cheese.Shrek: Ow! [Grunts]Gorder: Blah! Awful stuff.Mouse 1: Is that you, Gorder?Gorder: How did you know?Shrek: Enough! What are you doing in my house? [Grunts] Hey![Snickers]Shrek: Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.Dwarf: Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.Shrek: Huh? [Gasps]Wolf: What?Shrek: I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?Wolf: Aah!Shrek: Oh, no. No! No! Oh, no.[Cackling][Cackling Continues]Shrek: What?Girl: Quit it. Don't push.[Squeaking][Lows]Shrek: What are you doing in my swamp? [Echoing] Swamp? Swamp? Swamp?[Gasping]Fairies: Oh, dear!Dwarf: Whoa!Shrek: All right, get out of here. All of you, move it. Come on. Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!Dwarf: Quickly. Come on!Shrek: No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.Dwarf: Oh![Sighs]Donkey: Hey, don’t look at me. I didn't invite them.Pinocchio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us.Shrek: What?Pinocchio: We were forced to come here.Shrek: By who?Pig: Lord Farquaad. He huffed und he puffed und he... singed an eviction notice.Shrek: [Sighs] All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is.[Murmuring]Donkey: Oh, I do. I know where he is.Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?Donkey: Me! Me!Shrek: Anyone?Donkey: Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!Shrek: Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, and get you all off my land and back where you came from![Cheering][Twittering][Cheering Continues]Shrek: Oh! You! You're comin' with me.Donkey: All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! ♪ On the road again. ♪ Sing it with me, Shrek.Dwarf: Hey. Oh, oh!Donkey: ♪ I can't wait to get in the road again. ♪Shrek: What did I say about singing?Donkey: Can I whistle?Shrek: No.Donkey: Can I hum it?Shrek: All right, hum it.♪♪ [Humming][Gurgling][Coughing]Farquaad: That's enough! He's ready to talk.[Coughing]Farquaad: [Laughing] [Clears Throat] Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!Gingy: You're a monster.Farquaad: I'm not the monster here, you are! You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me, where are the others!?Gingy: Eat me![Spits]Farquaad: I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I'll--Gingy: No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!Farquaad: All right, then. Who's hiding them?Gingy: Okay. I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?Farquaad: The muffin man?Gingy: The muffin man.Farquaad: Yes. I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?Gingy: Well, she's married to the muffin man.Farquaad: The muffin man?Gingy: The muffin man!Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man.[Door Opens]Captain of the Guards: My lord! We found it.Farquaad: Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.[Man Grunting][Gasping]Gingy: Oh!Farquaad: Magic Mirror.Gingy: Don't tell him anything! No!Farquaad: Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of all?Mirror: Well, technically you're not a king.Farquaad: Uh, Thelonius. You were saying?Mirror: What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.Farquaad: Go

on.Mirror: [Chuckles] So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! And last, but certainly not the least, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead, from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But, don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! So will it be, bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?Guards: Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!Farquaad: Three? One? [Shudders] Three?Thelonius: Three! Pick number three, my lord!Farquaad: Okay, okay, uh, number three!Mirror: Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.[♪ Escape By Rupert Holmes Playing]Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you like piña coladas. And getting caught in the rain. ♪Farquaad: Princess Fiona.Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you're not into yoga. ♪Farquaad: She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go--Mirror: But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.Farquaad: I'll do it.Mirror: Yes, but after sunset.Farquaad: Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.Donkey: But that's it. That's it right there. That's Duloc. I told ya I'd find it.Shrek: So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.Donkey: Uh-huh. That's the place.Shrek: Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? [Laughs]Donkey: [Groans] Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.Man: Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.Shrek: Hey, you![Screams]Shrek: Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. I just-- I just--[Whimpering][Sighs][Whimpering, Groans][Turnstile Clatters][Chuckles][Sighs]♪♪ [Instrumental Music]Shrek: It's quiet. Too quiet.[Creaking]Shrek: Where is everybody?Donkey: Hey, look at this![Clattering, Whirring, Clicking][Clicking][Clicking Quickens]Clockwork Chorus: ♪ Welcome to Duloc such a perfect town. Here was have some rules, let us lay them down. Don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine, Duloc is a perfect place. Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your... face. Duloc is, Duloc is, Duloc is a perfect place! ♪[Camera Shutter Clicks][Whirring]Donkey: Wow! Let's do that again!Shrek: No. No. No, no, no! No.[Trumpet Fanfare][Crowd Cheering]Farquaad: Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land.[Donkey Humming]Farquaad: Today one of you shall prove himself--Shrek: All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.Donkey: Sorry about that.[Cheering]Farquaad: That champion shall have the honor-- no, no-- the privilege, to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona, from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place, and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.[Cheering]Farquaad: Let the tournament begin![Gasps]Knight 1: Oh!Farquaad: What is that?[Gasping]Farquaad: It's hideous!Shrek: Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.Donkey: Huh?Farquaad: Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!Knight 2: Get him!Shrek: Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.Woman: Go ahead! Get him!Shrek: Can't we just settle this over a pint?Knight 3: Kill the beast!Shrek: No? All right then. Come on![♪ Bad Reputation By Joan Jett Playing]Halfcocked: ♪ I don't give a damn about my reputation. You're living in the past, it's a new generation. ♪Knight 4: Damn![Whinnying]Halfcocked: ♪ A girl can do

what she wants to do, and that's what I'm gonna do. And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. ♪Donkey: Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Never said I wanted to improve my station. ♪Shrek: Ah! [Laughs]Halfcocked: ♪ And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun. ♪Shrek: Yeah!Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't have to please no one. ♪Wrestling Fan: The chair! Give him the chair!Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. Oh, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me. Not me. ♪[Bell Dings][Cheering]Shrek: [Laughs] Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha![Shrek Laughs][Crowd Gasping, Murmuring]Guard 9: Shall I give the order, sir?Farquaad: No, I have a better idea. People of Duloc! I give you our champion!Shrek: What?Farquaad: Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest.Shrek: Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp back.Farquaad: Your swamp?Shrek: Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures![Crowd Murmuring]Farquaad: Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back.Shrek: Exactly the way it was?Farquaad: Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.Shrek: And the squatters?Farquaad: As good as gone.Shrek: What kind of quest?Donkey: Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon, and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?Shrek: You know what? Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.Donkey: I don't get it, Shrek. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.Shrek: Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village, and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?Donkey: Uh, no, not really, no.Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.Donkey: Example?Shrek: Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions.Donkey: [Sniffs] They stink?Shrek: Yes-- No!Donkey: They make you cry?Shrek: No!Donkey: You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.Shrek: No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. [Sighs]Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. [Sniffs] You know, not everybody likes onions. Cakes! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.Shrek: I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres. Are not. Like cakes.Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Hey, let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.Donkey: Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole dang planet.Shrek: You know, I think preferred your humming.Donkey: Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering.[♪ I'm On My Way By The Proclaimers Playing]The Proclaimers: ♪ I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And everything that you receive up yonder is what you give to me the day I wander, I'm on my way. I'm on my way. I'm on my way. ♪Donkey: Ooh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything.Shrek: Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. [Sniffs] It's brimstone. We must be getting close.Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone

either.[Rumbling]Shrek: Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. [Laughing]Donkey: Shrek? Remember when you said ogres have layers?Shrek: Oh, aye.Donkey: Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.Shrek: Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.Donkey: You know what I mean.Shrek: You can't tell me you're afraid of heights?Donkey: No, I'm just a little uncomfortable being on a rickety over a boiling lake of lava!Shrek: Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay. For emotional support. We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time.Donkey: Really?Shrek: Really, really.Donkey: Okay, that makes me feel so much better.Shrek: Just keep moving. And don't look down.Donkey: Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. [Gasps] Shrek! I'm lookin' down! God, I can't do this! Just let me off right now. Please.Shrek: But you're already halfway.Donkey: But I know that half is safe!Shrek: Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.Donkey: Shrek, no! Wait!Shrek: Donkey-- Let's have a dance then, shall we?Donkey: Don't do that!Shrek: Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this?Donkey: Yes, that!Shrek: This? This, do it. Okay.Donkey: [Screams] No, Shrek! No! Stop it!Shrek: You said do it. I'm doin' it.Donkey: I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!Shrek: That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.Donkey: Cool. So, where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.Donkey: [Chuckles] I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.[Water Dripping][Wind Howling]Donkey: [Donkey Whispering] You afraid?Shrek: No, but-- Shh.Donkey: Oh, good. Me neither. [Gasps] 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared, you know what I mean. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. [Gasps]Shrek: Donkey, two things, okay? Shut... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs.Donkey: Stairs? I thought I was lookin' for the princess.Shrek: The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.Donkey: What makes it you think she'll be there?Shrek: I read it in a book once.Donkey: Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'.[Creaking]Donkey: I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right here. I'd step all over it.Shrek: Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the--?Donkey: Dragon! [Screams] [Gasps][Roars]Shrek: Donkey, look out! [Screams][Screams][Whimpering]Shrek: Got ya![Roars][Gasps]Shrek: [Shouts] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [Screaming]Donkey: [Gasps] Oh! Aah! Aah! [Gasping][Growls]Donkey: No. Oh, no. No! [Screams] Oh, what large teeth you have.[Growls]Donkey: I mean, I mean, white sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're-- You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. 'Cause, you're just reeking a feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ooh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm, uh-- [Coughs] I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. Shrek! [Gasps] [Whimpering] No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek![Groans, Sighs]♪♪ [Chorus Vocalizing]♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]Fiona: Oh! Oh!Shrek in Armor: Wake up!Fiona: What?Shrek in Armor: Are you Princess Fiona?Fiona: I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.Shrek in Armor: Oh, that's nice. Now, let's go!Fiona: But,

wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?Shrek in Amror: Yeah. Sorry, lady. There's no time.Fiona: Hey, wait. What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet, out yonder window, and down a rope onto your valiant steed.Shrek in Armor: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?Fiona: Mm-hmm. [Screams, Grunts] But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!Shrek in Armor: I don't think so.Fiona: Can I at least know the name of my champion?Shrek: Um, Shrek.Fiona: Sir Shrek. [Clears Throat] I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.Shrek in Armor: Thanks.[Roaring]Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon?Shrek in Armor: It's on my to-do list. Now, come on!Fiona: [Screams] But this isn't right! You’re meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying! That's what all the other knights did!Shrek in Armor: Yeah, right before they burst into flame!Fiona: You know, that's not the point! Oh! Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there.Shrek in Armor: Well, I have to save my ass.Fiona: What kind of knight are you?Shrek in Armor: One of the kind.Donkey: Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. [Laughs] I don't to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this-- Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude-- Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or maybe his pen pals. 'Cause I'm the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards, and-- I'd really love to stay, but-- Hey, hey, hey! Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal ail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission to-- Wait. What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no! No! Oh![Growls][Roars][Roaring][Gasps]Donkey: Hi, Princess!Fiona: It talks!Shrek in Armor: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!Donkey: Shrek! [Screams] [Screaming]Shrek: Oh![Thuds][Groans][Shrek Groans][Roars][Roars][Roaring][Roars]Shrek in Armor: Okay, you two! Head for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. [Echoing] Run![Gasping][Screaming][Screams][Roars][Panting, Sighs][Whimpers][Roars][Roars, Whimpers][Dragon Growling In The Distance]Fiona: You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. You're-- You're wonderful. You're... A little unorthodox, I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.[Clears Throat]Fiona: And where would be a brave knight be without his noble steed?Donkey: All right, I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a noble steed.Fiona: [Fiona Laughs] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.Shrek in Armor: Uh, no.Fiona: Why not?Shrek: I have helmet hair.Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.Shrek in Armor: No, no, you wouldn't'st.Fiona: But, how will you kiss me?Shrek in Armor: What? That job wasn't in the job description.Donkey: Maybe it's a perk.Fiona: No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon, is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss.Donkey: Hmm? With Shrek? You think-- Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is your true love?Fiona: Well, yes.[Laughing][Laughing]Donkey: You think Shrek is your true love!Fiona: What is so funny?Shrek in Armor: Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?Fiona: Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now-- Now remove your helmet.Shrek in Amror: Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.Fiona: Just take off the helmet.Shrek in Amror: I'm not going to.Fiona: Take it off.Shrek in Amror: No!Fiona: Now!Shrek in Armor: Okay! Easy. As you command, Your Highness.Fiona: You-- You're-- an ogre.Shrek: Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.Fiona: Well, yes,

actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre.Shrek: Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay. He's the one who wants to marry you.Fiona: Then why didn't he come to rescue me?Shrek: Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.Fiona: But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some ogre and his pet.Donkey: So much for noble steed.Shrek: You're not making my job any easier.Fiona: I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here.Shrek: Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.Fiona: You wouldn't dare. Put me down!Shrek: Ya comin', Donkey?Donkey: I'm right behind ya.Fiona: Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! [Screams]Donkey: Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right? But you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten?Fiona: You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your-- Hey! [Sighs] The sooner we get to Duloc the better.Donkey: Oh, yeah. You're gonna love it there, Princess? It's beautiful!Fiona: And my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?Shrek: Well, let me put this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's standards are in short supply. [Laughs]Donkey: I don't know, Shrek. There are those who think little of him.[Both Laughing]Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.Shrek: Maybe. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow.Fiona: Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?Shrek: No, that'll take longer.Fiona: But there's robbers in the woods.Donkey: Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping is definitely startin' to sound good.Shrek: Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest.Fiona: I need to find somewhere to camp now![Bird Wings Fluttering]Shrek: [Grunting] Hey! Over here.Donkey: Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess.Fiona: No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.Shrek: Homey touches? Like what?[Crashing]Fiona: A door. Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.Donkey: You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.Fiona: I said, good night!Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing?Shrek: [Laughs] I just-- You know-- Oh, come on. I was just kidding.[Fire Crackling]Shrek: And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields.Donkey: Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?Shrek: The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.Donkey: I know you're making this up.Shrek: No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench.Donkey: Man, that ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.Shrek: Sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it.Donkey: [Sighs] Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?Shrek: Our swamp?Donkey: You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.Shrek: We? Donkey, there is no "we." There's no "our." There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land.Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out.Shrek: No. Do ya think?Donkey: Are you hidin' something?Shrek: Never mind, Donkey.Donkey: Oh! This is another one of those onion things, isn't it?Shrek: No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it-alone things.Donkey: Why don't you want to talk about it?Shrek: Why do you always want to?Donkey: Why are you blocking?Shrek: I'm not blocking.Donkey: Yes, you are.Shrek: Donkey, I'm warning you.Donkey: Who you trying to keep out?Shrek: Everyone! Okay?Donkey: Now we're gettin' somewhere.Shrek: Oh! For

the love of Pete!Donkey: What's your problem? What you got against the whole world?Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" [Sighs] They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.Donkey: You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre.Shrek: Yeah, I know.Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.Donkey: Okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?Shrek: That's the moon.Donkey: Oh, okay.♪♪ [Orchestra]♪♪ [Dulcimer]Farquaad: Again. Show me again.[Music Stops, Rewinds]Farquaad: Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess.Mirror: Hmph.[Rewinds, Resumes]Farquaad: Ah. Perfect. [Inhales][Snoring]♪♪ [Vocalizing]♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]♪♪ [Whistling]♪♪ [Whistling Continues]♪♪ [Vocalizes]♪♪ [Whistles]♪♪ [Vocalizes]♪♪ [Whistles]♪♪ [Vocalizing]♪♪ [Whistling]♪♪ [Vocalizing, High-pitched]♪♪ [Whistling, High-pitched]♪♪ [Continues][Sizzling][Sniffs, Yawns]Shrek: Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.Donkey: Come on, baby. I said I like it.Shrek: Donkey, wake up.Donkey: Huh? What?Shrek: Wake up.Donkey: What?Fiona: Good morning. How do you like your eggs?Donkey: Good morning, Princess!Shrek: What's all this about?Fiona: We kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. After all, you did rescue me.Shrek: Uh, thanks.[Sniffs]Fiona: Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.[Belches]Donkey: Shrek!Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. [Laughs]Donkey: Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.[Belches]Fiona: Thanks.Donkey: She's as nasty as you are.Shrek: [Laughs] You know, you're not exactly what I expected.Fiona: Maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. [Vocalizing]Monsieur Hood: La liberte! Hey!Shrek: Princess?[Laughs]Fiona: What are you doing?Monsieur Hood: Be still, cherie, for I am your savior! And I am rescuing you from this green [Kissing Sounds] beast.Shrek: Hey! That's my princess. Go find your own!Monsieur Hood: Please, monsters! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?Fiona: Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are!Monsieur Hood: Oh! Of course! How rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men! [Laughs]♪♪ [Accordion]Merry Men: ♪ Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo! ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ I steal from the rich and give to the needy. ♪Man: ♪ He takes a wee percentage. ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels. Man, I'm good. ♪Merry Men: ♪ What a guy, Monsieur Hood! ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ Break it down. I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid. ♪Merry Men: ♪ What he's basically saying is he likes to get-- ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ Paid. ♪Merry Men: ♪ So. ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad. ♪Merry Men: ♪ That's bad. ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad. ♪Merry Men: ♪ He's mad. He's really, really mad. ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart. Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start! ♪[Tarzan Yell][Grunts, Groans][Karate Yell][Merry Men Gasping]Fiona: [Panting] Man, that was annoying!Man: Oh, you little--[Karate Yell]♪♪ [Accordion][Tarzan woman yell][Shouting, Groaning][Tarzan woman yells about 3 times][Groaning]Fiona: [Chuckles] Um, shall we?Shrek: Hold the phone.[Grunts]Shrek: Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?Fiona: What?Shrek: That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?Fiona: Well-- [Chuckles] When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a-- There's an arrow in your butt!Shrek: What? Oh, would you look at that?Fiona: Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.Donkey: Why? What's wrong?Fiona: Shrek's hurt.Donkey: Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.Shrek: Donkey, I'm okay.Donkey: Oh, you can't do this to me. I'm too young for you to die. Keep your

legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich?Fiona: Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns.Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Okay. I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die, Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!Shrek: Donkey!Donkey: Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.Shrek: What are the flowers for?Fiona: For getting rid of Donkey.Shrek: Ah.Fiona: Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.Shrek: Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.Fiona: I'm sorry, but it has to come out.Shrek: No, it's tender. Now, hold on. What you're doing is the opposite of help.Fiona: Don't move.Shrek: Look, time out.Fiona: Would you-- [Grunts] Okay. What do you propose we do?Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns.Shrek: Ow!Donkey: Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!Shrek: Ow! Not good.Fiona: Okay. Okay, I can nearly see the head.[Grunts]Fiona: It's just about--Shrek: Ow! Ohh!Donkey: Ahem.Shrek: Nothing happened. We were just, uh--Donkey: Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was as, okay.Shrek: Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind! The princess here was just-- Ugh! Ow!Donkey: Hey, what's that? [Nervous Chuckle] That's-- Is that blood? [Sighs][Bird Chirping][♪ My Beloved Monster By Eels Playing][Grunts]Eels: ♪ My beloved monster and me. We go everywhere together. Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves, gets us through all kinds of weather. ♪Donkey: Aah!Eels: ♪ She will always be the only thing. That comes between me and the awful sting. That comes from living in the world that's so damn mean. ♪[Croaks]Eels: ♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh. ♪Fiona: Hey!Eels: ♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la. ♪[Both Laughing]Eels: La-la, la-la, la-la.Shrek: There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.Fiona: That's Duloc?Donkey: Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really-- Ow!Shrek: Um, I, uh-- I guess we better move one.Fiona: Sure. But, Shrek? I'm-- I'm worried about Donkey.[Blubbering]Shrek: What?Fiona: I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.Donkey: What are you talking about? I'm fine.Fiona: That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead.Shrek: You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?Fiona: I'll make you some tea.Donkey: I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look. [Bones Crunch] Ow! See?Shrek: Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.Fiona: I'll get the firewood.Donkey: Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug.Fiona: Mmm. Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?Shrek: Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.Fiona: No kidding.Shrek: Well, this is delicious. Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. [Chuckling]Donkey: [Sighs] I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.Shrek: [Gulps] Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare-- you name it.Fiona: [Chuckles] I'd like that.[Slurps, Laughs]Donkey: ♪ See the pyramids along the Nile. ♪Shrek: Um, Princess?Donkey: ♪ Watch the sunrise from a tropical isle. ♪Fiona: Yes, Shrek?Shrek: I, um, I was wondering.Donkey: ♪ Just remember, darling all the while. ♪Shrek: Are you--Donkey: You belong to me.Shrek: [Sighs] Are you gonna eat that?[Chuckles]Donkey: Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.Fiona: Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.Shrek: What?Donkey: Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you?Fiona: Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.Donkey: Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until-- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid

of the dark.[Shrek Sighs]Fiona: Good night.Shrek: Good night.[Door Creaks]Donkey: Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.Shrek: Oh, what are you talkin' about?Donkey: I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. I know two were diggin' in each other. I could feel it.Shrek: You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.Donkey: Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel.Shrek: I-- There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know-- and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't-- she's a princess, and I'm--Donkey: An ogre?Shrek: Yeah. An ogre.Donkey: Hey, where you goin'?Shrek: To get... more firewood. [Sighs]Donkey: Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?[Wings Fluttering]Donkey: Princess?[Creaking]Donkey: [Gasps] It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.[Screams]Donkey: Aah!Fiona: Oh, no!Donkey: No, help!Fiona: Shh!Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!Fiona: No, it's okay. It's okay.Donkey: What did you do with the princess?Fiona: Donkey, I'm the princess.Donkey: Aah!Fiona: It's me, in this body.Donkey: Oh, my God! You ate the princess! Can you hear me?Fiona: Donkey!Donkey: Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!Fiona: No!Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!Fiona: Shh.Donkey: Shrek!Fiona: This is me.Donkey: [Muffled Mumbling] Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.Fiona I'm ugly, okay?Donkey: Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now--Fiona: No. I-- I've been this way as long as I can remember.Donkey: What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.Fiona: It only happens when the sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm, until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form."Donkey: Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.Fiona: It's a spell. [Sighs] When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow, before the sun sets and he sees me, like this. [Sobs]Donkey: All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.Fiona: But, Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look.Donkey: Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?Fiona: I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.Donkey: But, you know, um, you're kind of an ogre, and Shrek-- well, you got a lot in common.Fiona: Shrek?Shrek: Princess, I-- Uh, how's going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and-- well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd-- uh, uh-- [Sighs] I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.Fiona: I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.[Deep Sigh]Fiona: Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell.Donkey: You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.Fiona: No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.Donkey: What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?Fiona: Promise you won't tell. Promise!Donkey: All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'.[Door Opens][Snoring]Fiona: I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want--[Snoring]Fiona: Shrek. Are you all right?Shrek: Perfect! Never been better.Fiona: I-- I don't-- There's

something I have to tell you.Shrek: You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night.Fiona: You heard what I said?Shrek: Every word.Fiona: I thought you'd understand.Shrek: Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?"Fiona: But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.Shrek: Yeah? Well, it does.[Gasps, Sighs]Shrek: Ah, right on time.[Horse Whinnies]Shrek: Princess, I've brought you a little something.♪♪ [Fanfare]Donkey: [Yawns] What'd I miss? What'd I miss? [Muffled] Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.Farquaad: Princess Fiona.Shrek: As promised. Now hand it over.Farquaad: Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, ad agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have ever seen such a radiant beauty before. I am Lord Farquaad.Fiona: Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying, a short, farewell.Farquaad: That's so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings.Fiona: No, you're right. It doesn't.Farquaad: Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage.[Gasps]Farquaad: Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?Fiona: Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make.Farquaad: Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!Fiona: No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets.Farquaad: Oh, anxious, are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests!Fiona: Fare-thee-well, ogre.Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.Shrek: Yeah? So what?Donkey: Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night. She's--Shrek: I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?Donkey: Shrek, I-- I wanna go with you.Shrek: I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!Donkey: But I thought--Shrek: Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong!Donkey: Shrek.[♪ Hallelujah By John Cale Playing]John Cale: ♪ I heard there was a secret chord, that David played, and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music, do ya? It goes like this the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall the major lift. The baffled king composing hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. Baby, I've been here before, I know this room I've walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch, but love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's broken hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. And all I ever learned from love is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you. ♪[Moaning]John Cale: ♪ And it's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah. ♪[Moaning]John Cale: ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. ♪[Thumping Sound]Shrek: Donkey?[Grunts]Shrek: What are you doing?Donkey: I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one.Shrek: Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it.Donkey: It is. Around your half. See, that's your half, and this is my half.Shrek: Oh! Your half. Hmm.Donkey: Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head.Shrek: Back off!Donkey: No, you back off.Shrek: This is my swamp!Donkey: Our swamp.Shrek: Let go, Donkey!Donkey: You let go.Shrek: Stubborn jackass!Donkey: Smelly ogre.Shrek: Fine!Donkey: Hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.Shrek: Well, I'm through with you.Donkey: Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me

and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.Shrek: Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?Donkey: Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!Shrek: Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you, for stabbin' me in the back!Donkey: Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings.Shrek: Go away!Donkey: There you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you.Shrek: Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking.Donkey: She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else.Shrek: She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?Donkey: Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right?Shrek: Donkey!Donkey: No!Shrek: Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?Donkey: Hmph.Shrek: [Sighs] I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me?Donkey: Hey, that's what friends are for, right?Shrek: Right. Friends?Donkey: Friends.Shrek: So, um, what did Fiona say about me?Donkey: What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?Shrek: The wedding! We'll never make it in time.Donkey: Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where there's a will, there's a way, and I have a way. [Whistles]Shrek: Donkey?[Donkey Laughing]Donkey: I guess it's just an animal magnetism.Shrek: [Laughing] Aw, come here, you.Donkey: All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. [Donkey Laughing] Whoo![Bells Tolling][All Gasping]Bishop: People of Duloc, we gather here today, to bear witness, to the union...Fiona: Um-- of our now king--Bishop: Excuse me.Fiona: Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?Farquaad: [Chuckling] Go on.Donkey: Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you?Shrek: What are you talking about?Donkey: There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"Shrek: I don't have time for this!Donkey: Wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you?Shrek: Yes.Donkey: You wanna hold her?Shrek: Yes.Donkey: Please her?Shrek: Yes!Donkey: ♪ Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. ♪ The chicks love that romantic crap!Shrek: All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?Donkey: We gotta check it out.[Donkey Grunting]Bishop: And so, by the power vested in me...Shrek: What do you see?Donkey: The whole town's in there.Bishop: ...I now pronounce you husband and wife...Donkey: They're at the altar.Bishop: ...king and queen.Donkey: Mother Fletcher! He already said it.Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete![Grunts]Shrek: I object!Fiona: Shrek?[Gasps]Farquaad: Oh, now what does he want?[Crowd Clamoring]Shrek: Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean.Fiona: What are you doing here?Farquaad: Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding--Shrek: Fiona! I need to talk to you.Fiona: Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me--Shrek: But you can't marry him.Fiona: And why not?Shrek: Because-- Because he's just marrying you so he can be king.Farquaad: Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.Shrek: He's not your true love.Fiona: And what do you know about true love?Shrek: Well, I-- Uh-- I mean--Farquaad: Oh, this is precious. [Chuckling] The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord.[Crowd Laughing]Farquaad: An ogre and a princess! [Laughing Continues]Fiona: Shrek, is this true?Farquaad: Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmm!Fiona: "By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.[Whimpers][Crowd Gasping]Shrek: Well, uh, that explains a

lot.Farquaad: Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both!Fiona: No, no! Shrek!Farquaad: This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See?Fiona: No, let go of me, Shrek!Shrek: No!Farquaad: Don't just stand there, you morons.Shrek: Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!Farquaad: I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you!Fiona: No! Shrek!Farquaad: And as for you, my wife,Shrek: Fiona!Farquaad: I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I am king![Whistles]Farquaad: I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have-- Aaah! Aah!Donkey: All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it.[Dragon Roars]Donkey: I'm a donkey on the edge![Belches]Donkey: [Donkey Laughs] Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?[Cheering]Donkey: Go ahead, Shrek.Shrek: Uh, Fiona?Fiona: Yes, Shrek?Shrek: I-- I love you.Fiona: Really?Shrek: Really, really.Fiona: I love you too.All: Aawww!Fiona: "Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form." [Echoing] [Echoing Continues] "Take love's true from. Take love's true form."Shrek: Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?Fiona: Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.Shrek: But you are beautiful.[Chuckles]Donkey: I was hoping would be a happy ending.[♪ I'm A Believer By Smash Mouth Playing]Steve Harwell: ♪ I thought love was only true in fairy tales. ♪All: Oy!Steve Harwell: ♪ Meant for someone else but not for me. Love was out to get me, that's the way it seemed, disappointment haunted all my dreams. And then I saw her face. Now I'm a believer. And not a trace. Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. ♪Choir: ♪ Ohh-ahh. ♪Steve Harwell: ♪ I'm a believer I couldn't leaver her if I tried. ♪Gingy: God bless us, every one.Donkey: Come on, y'all! ♪ Then I saw her face. ♪ Ha-ha! ♪ Now I'm a believer. ♪ Listen! Not a trace. ♪ Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. Ooh-ahh. I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried. ♪Mice: Ooh! Uh!Donkey: ♪ Then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer! Hey! Not a trace. Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind. One more time! I'm in love. I'm a believer. Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey! Y'all sing it with me! I believe! I believe! People in the back! I believe! ♪Smash Mouth: ♪ I'm a believer. ♪Donkey: ♪ I believe. I believe. I believe! ♪ [Hysterical Laughing] Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

i hope you know you crashed my tumblr, made my phone lag, and cursed my feed. thank you so much /j

nah but fr thats fucking hilarious BHAHAHAHA - MOD IBUKI

[jaysevhls]

Here, With You | Kelly Severide

Summary: You're a firefighter at Firehouse 51. You are a member of Truck 81. At the call you got injured with Kelly, your fiance.

Pairing: Kelly Severide x Reader.

Warnings: Injures, accident.

Author's note: It's pretty long one?? Requests are open.

Firehouse 51. The most loving, caring and knowing firehouse in Chicago you can say. Working here was the best part of your life, including your relationship with lieutenant Kelly. Those years you have been working there were just amazing as you can tell.

Day started as usual, no calls, most of the squad and truck, hanging out in the break room. The atmosphere was clear, fortunately there were no dramas that day.

You made your walk through the kitches, it was your day at cooking, which you loved. Everyone in 51 knew your hobby and passion, that's why Herrmann decided to give you a part time job at Molly's. There was something about this place, the whole idea, people CPD, CFD and Med were there almost every night, trying their favorite drinks, your food and just spending time with colleagues, closest friends and loves.

That's where you and Kelly made a step in your friendship. You met 7 years ago, when you started working at 51 as paramedic. It was only a temporary, since you knew that your dream job is being a firefighter. Your childhood was mostly based on making a fake fire, smoke, because you loved when you could help your mom or any member from your family when it was a fire in the house, not real of course. And the day came. After 1 year being in Ambo 61 with your best friend, Gabby, it was your time to shine. You joined the academy with her, which only made things better for you and your friendship. You graduated and since then, you're an official member of Truck 81. You loved your job.

Kelly was always around you. Since he and Gabby lost Leslie, he felt like he need to make a promise. He promised himself that no matter what, he will always protect you. Since he first saw you, the look in your eyes wes telling him that you need someone by your side. And that's when it all started. At the beginning it was simple. He cared about you a lot, he always asked you after a call if everything is alright, if you need anything, which made you feel loved. You missed that feeling.

One night at Molly's things went too far you can say. It was a day before your birthday, so you wanted to have fun. A lot of fun. You invited all your colleagues and of course Kelly. For couple of days at this time he was so nervous, acting weird around you, so you thought he need some relax and fun. It was a good time occasion.

"Hey, you want another?" Herrmann asked you. To be honest, it was a very difficult job to make you drunk, so you ordered next one. And next. And couple more.

"I think you had enough Y/N" Kelly took the beer from your hand, laughing at your actions.

"No, no, no Kelly. Definitely no. You need to have more, you need to have fun, pleaseeee! It's like the first time in year when we actually can drink more, because there's no work tomorrow" you took it back and drink almost half of it.

"Ok. But you're not getting drunk here alone. Let's go to my place, I have your favorite wine and beer." as he finished, you were already in his arms. His hand on your waist, making your way through the exit. You really wanted to go there by your own, but it was too much.

"See, I could go alone Kelly. You don't need to check on me when we're not in work." you smirked.

"That's the point my love. I'll care about you till the end of world and one day after." you look at him confused. Did he just called you his love? Or was it just your imagination witch damage after too many beers.

"And who had too much alcohol tonight Kelly?" he didn't respond.

The ride was wild you can say. He decided to take a longer way, because he wanted you to feel a little bit better, to wipe that alcohol out of your system. You sang your favorite songs, which made him laugh. He loved your voice, even drunk.

That night was memorable. He kissed you out of the blow, but you enjoyed it. You wanted that for so long. The priority was to remember about that night, even half of it and you did it. Couple of more nights like this, dates, drinks at Molly's.

And there you are. Engaged to your best friend. Your soulmate, a better half.

"Y/N? Can we speak in private?" he asked. You just finished cooking when you saw Kelly, walking to you with something in his hand.

"What have I done this time?" you laughed, joining him in his office.

"Why didn't you tell me about the meeting with my father? Are you out of your mind?" so that was the problem. You looked at him and sighed.

"I didn't mean to- I wanted to tell you, but it was already too late. He asked me to meet him few days ago and I thought that will be the best opportunity to invite him to our wedding. It's your dad Kelly"

"And why now he is trying to reach me by the mails, calls and even letters? I told you that I'll speak to him in right time!" that conversation went definitely too far you felt.

"Enough Kelly! I just wanted to do something good, to invite your damn father to see his son at the end of the aisle, because it's a one time thing and you're making me feel guilty about this? You know I didn't mean to hurt you, but you-"

"Truck 81, Engine 51, Squad 3, Ambo 61, Battalion 25 the old-" you didn't need to listen the rest. You went out of his office and made your way to the Truck.

After few minutes, all of the members of 51 were on the scene. It was a big fire at the old factory.

"Y/L/N, Borrelli, with me" Casey yelled. You masked up before you went in. You know that it was to difficult to handle that fire with only one firehouse, so when you heard Boden voice, calling for backup, you sighed in relief. Now, the only thing you needed to focus at, was to get as many people as you can and walk them out of this place.

You took 2 womens with you, it wasn't that bad you thought. When you came back, the smoke was dark and you couldn't see anything. You made few steps in the right.

"Fire department, call out!" you yelled. Casey was right behind you, saying that he's going to the left. Before, you heard few screams, that's why you decided to go back in there and find those people. They still could be alive.

"H-help!" you heard. You made your way to a women, who was trapped. She had a really bad head injury. You knew it was her final call.

"Hey, you're gonna be okay. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere!" you told her and kneeled in front of her. You took her hand and she looked at you. Then she closed her eyes.

Checking her pulse, you felt a sharp pain at your shoulder. You hit yourself when you were standing up.

Your vision get blurred more than it already was. You took your mask off to see if there's anyone else, or Casey, to reach his help. It was your biggest mistake. Unfortunately, your mask fell out of your hands and broke.

"Mayday, Mayday! I need some help in block C! My mask is destroyed, I'm out of my oxygen." you coughed.

Kelly was already outside, looking out for you. When he heard your voice, his heart just broke.

"Chief, I'll go!" he yelled. He didn't even wait for a response, he just stormed out to that building.

He was looking out for you for almost 3 minutes, which was a long way, when you are dealing with fire, smoke and no oxygen. When he found you, he thought it was too late. You were laying, coughing, in pretty bad shape.

"Hey! Y/N! Come on, we need to get out of here!"

"I- I can't Kelly, I- My leg, is trapped." he looked down at your body, searching for an injuries. You were right, your leg was trapped and he knew that he'll need more help.

"Breath baby, just keep breathing, everything is going to be alright" he kneeled at your side and gave you his mask.

"What a funny story" you coughed. "I just said those words to a woman and she died" you cried. The pain was awful, you felt this sharp pain at your shoulder, your chest was getting heavier and the leg wasn't helping. The only thing what was keeping you alive was the water, streaming on your side.

"You're not dying, you hear me? Don't you dare die on me" he was trying to pull you out, but when he realised that he can't do it, he immediately called for backup.

"What is that?" you asked. Something was making noises and you couldn't focus on what is causing it.

"Oh god no. No, no, no! My oxygen is out, shit!" he yelled. "Chief, where is the backup, my oxygen is out, we don't have much time!"

"Kelly, hey, look at me." you whispered. He was so scared, like never.

"We're gonna be fine, just please breath" he cried. You took his hand and kissed it. He lied down, to get closer to water. Now, you were face to face.

"I love you Kelly. They were right about "Till the death do us apart", they were so right"

"Shut up Y/N, we didn't even get a chance to say those words yet." he nervously laughed. "You're gonna be fine and you'll say it to me in the church, in this beautiful white dress, you hear me? They're coming and they'll find us."

You were out of you breath, laying there unconscious, Kelly was holding your hand with eyes closed.

"Y/N? Hey, Y/N?" he immediately stood up and check out your pulse. There was no pulse. "No, no, no, c'mon Y/N, you can't leave me!" he was yelling.

"Y/L/N! Severide! Call out!" it was Casey. They found you.

"In here, we need get her out of here, she's not breathing" Casey took you by your legs and Severide by hands. They were almost running with you in their arms. Brett and Dawson were ready to take you from them.

"Start compressions." Gabby said. He felt like his whole world was falling apart. Casey was holding him by his arm, to make sure he won't fall. "Okay, we got the pulse, we're going to Med. Severide?" Brett asked.

"Yeah, I'm going with you." he wiped off his face from tears. You needed to be alright.

•

It's been almost 5 hours since they brought you to Med. Whole 51 was sitting in waiting room with Kelly to help him get through this time and to get news about you.

"Any family member of Y/N Y/L/N?" the nurse asked.

"I'm her fiance" he answered.

"Doctor Will Halstead is waiting for you" he followed her into break room. He was so scared to hear news about you.

"Hey, Kelly. I'm so sorry about what happened, are you okay?" he hugged him.

"Hey, yeah. I'm good. They give ne oxygen, took my blood for some tests, everything is good, my lungs are clear. How's Y/N, please tell me she's okay?"

"She's stable. She had a surgery for her open break in the leg, but everything is okay now. We're giving her oxygen and for now, we're keeping her in coma."

"But- but she wasn't breathing for couple of minutes, is there any chance that it caused something?"

"It's hard to say Kelly. We need to wait till she wakes up" he gave him a weak smile. "You can go and see her, I'll tell your team about her condition."

There you were. Laying in bed, unconscious, but alive. You were so strong, Kelly knew that. You showed him this so many times, but today it was something different. He almost lost you and it almost killed him.

"I'm so sorry Y/N. This shouldn't have happened to you. I love you baby and I'll always be by your side." he cried in his hands.

"I know you will" this whispered make his heart stop.

"You're awake, baby. I love you so much, this argument shouldn't have happened, it's all my fault"

"Shhh, can you? Can you just lay here with me? he stood up and layed by her side. Just the two of them, reunited. Full of love.

[black-5abbath]

Shrek: "Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from the dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss." [Laughing] Like that's ever gonna happen. [Paper Rustling, Toilet Flushes] Shrek: What a load of-- [Toilet Door slams] Shrek hops out his outhouse and his routine like taking a mud shower and farting in his pool. [♪ All-Star By Smash Mouth Playing] Steve Harwell: ♪ Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead. The years start comin', and they don't stop comin', fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin', didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with takin' the backstreets. You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder, you're bundled up now, but wait till you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ judging by the hole in the satellite picture. The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin, the water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire, how 'bout yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. Hey, now, you're an all-star. ♪ [Shouting] Steve Harwell: ♪ Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪ [Belches] Villagers: Go! Go! [Record Scrating] Steve Harwell: ♪ Go. Go. Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪ Villagers: Think it's in there? All right! Let's get it! Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing could do to you? Villager 2: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread. Shrek: [Laughs] Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres-- they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. Villager 3: No! Shrek: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. Villager 3: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! [Gasping] Villager 3: Right. [Roaring] [Shouting] [Roaring] [Roaring Continues] [Shouting Continues] Shrek: [Whispers] This is the part where you run away. [Gasping] Shrek: [Laughs] [Laughing] And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." [Sighs] Guard 1: All right. This one's full. Take it away! [Gasps] Guard 2: Move it along. Come on. Get up! Captain of the Guards: Next! Guard 3: Give me that! Your flying days are over. Captain of the Guards: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next. Guard 4: Get up! Captain of the Guards: Twenty pieces. Guard 5: Come on! [Thudding] Guard 6: Sit down there! Keep quiet! Bear: [Crying] This cage is too small. Donkey: Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! Old Lady: Oh, shut up! Donkey: Oh! Captain of the Guards: Next! What have you got? Geppetto: This little wooden puppet. Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. Captain of the Guards: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. Pinocchio: Father, please! Don't let them do this! Captain of the Guards: Next. Pinocchio: Help me! Captain of the Guards: What have you got? Old Lady: Well, I've got a talking donkey. [Grunts] Captain of the Guards: Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. Old Lady: Oh, go ahead, little fella. Captain of the Guards: Well? Old Lady: Oh, oh, he's just-- He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt-- Captain of the Guards: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! Old Lady: No, no, he talks! He does. [Moves Donkey’s lips] I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. Captain of the Guards: Get her out of my sight. Old Lady: No, no! I swear. Oh! He can talk! Donkey: [Gasps] Hey, I can fly! Peter Pan: He can fly! Pigs: He can fly! Captain of the Guards: He can talk! Donkey: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking, donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Uh-oh. Captain of the Guards: Seize him! Guard 7: After him! He's getting away! [Grunts, Gasps] Guard 8: Get him! This way! Turn! Captain of the Guards: You there. Ogre! Shrek: Aye? Captain of the Guards: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest, and transport you to a designated, resettlement facility. Shrek: Oh, really? You and what army? [Gasps, Whimpering] Donkey: [Chuckles] Can I say somethin' to you? Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible! Shrek: Are you talkin' to-- me? Whoa! Donkey: Yes, I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you was great back there? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, then bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babies in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. Shrek: Oh, that's great. Really. Donkey: Man, it's good to be free. Shrek: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? Donkey: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. [Roaring] Donkey: Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time-- [Mumbling] Then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. Shrek: Why are you following me? Donkey: I'll tell you why. ♪ 'Cause I'm all alone. There's no one here beside me. My problems have all gone, there's no one to deride me. But you gotta have friends-- ♪ Shrek: Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. Donkey: Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. Shrek: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? Donkey: Uh-- Really tall? Shrek: No! I'm an ogre. You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? Donkey: Nope. Shrek: Really? Donkey: Really, really. Shrek: Oh. Donkey: Man, I like you. What's your name? Shrek: Uh, Shrek. Donkey: Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that? Shrek: That would be my home. Donkey: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you? Shrek: I like my privacy. Donkey: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. You know? Can I stay with you? Shrek: Uh, what? Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please? Shrek: Of course! Donkey: Really? Shrek: No. Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But, that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! Shrek: Okay! Okay! But one night only. Donkey: Ah! Thank you! Shrek: What are you-- No. No. Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles. Shrek: Oh! Donkey: Where do, uh, I sleep? Shrek: Outside! Donkey: Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, I guess outside is best. [Sniffles] Here I go. Good night. [Sighs] I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself. Outside, I guess. You know. By myself. Outside. ♪ I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. ♪ [Bubbling] [Sighs] [Creaking] Shrek: [Sighs] I thought I told you to stay outside? Donkey: I am outside. [Clattering] [Clattering] Mouse 1: Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? Mouse 2: It's not home, but it'll do just fine. Gorder: What a lovely bed. Shrek: Got ya. Gorder: [Sniffs] I found some cheese. Shrek: Ow! [Grunts] Gorder: Blah! Awful stuff. Mouse 1: Is that you, Gorder? Gorder: How did you know? Shrek: Enough! What are you doing in my house? [Grunts] Hey! [Snickers] Shrek: Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. Dwarf: Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. Shrek: Huh? [Gasps] Wolf: What? Shrek: I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy? Wolf: Aah! Shrek: Oh, no. No! No! Oh, no. [Cackling] [Cackling Continues] Shrek: What? Girl: Quit it. Don't push. [Squeaking] [Lows] Shrek: What are you doing in my swamp? [Echoing] Swamp? Swamp? Swamp? [Gasping] Fairies: Oh, dear! Dwarf: Whoa! Shrek: All right, get out of here. All of you, move it. Come on. Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Dwarf: Quickly. Come on! Shrek: No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. Dwarf: Oh! [Sighs] Donkey: Hey, don’t look at me. I didn't invite them. Pinocchio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us. Shrek: What? Pinocchio: We were forced to come here. Shrek: By who? Pig: Lord Farquaad. He huffed und he puffed und he... singed an eviction notice. Shrek: [Sighs] All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is. [Murmuring] Donkey: Oh, I do. I know where he is. Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? Donkey: Me! Me! Shrek: Anyone? Donkey: Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! Shrek: Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, and get you all off my land and back where you came from! [Cheering] [Twittering] [Cheering Continues] Shrek: Oh! You! You're comin' with me. Donkey: All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! ♪ On the road again. ♪ Sing it with me, Shrek. Dwarf: Hey. Oh, oh! Donkey: ♪ I can't wait to get in the road again. ♪ Shrek: What did I say about singing? Donkey: Can I whistle? Shrek: No. Donkey: Can I hum it? Shrek: All right, hum it. ♪♪ [Humming] [Gurgling] [Coughing] Farquaad: That's enough! He's ready to talk. [Coughing] Farquaad: [Laughing] [Clears Throat] Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! Gingy: You're a monster. Farquaad: I'm not the monster here, you are! You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me, where are the others!? Gingy: Eat me! [Spits] Farquaad: I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I'll-- Gingy: No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons! Farquaad: All right, then. Who's hiding them? Gingy: Okay. I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? Farquaad: The muffin man? Gingy: The muffin man. Farquaad: Yes. I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane? Gingy: Well, she's married to the muffin man. Farquaad: The muffin man? Gingy: The muffin man! Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man. [Door Opens] Captain of the Guards: My lord! We found it. Farquaad: Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. [Man Grunting] [Gasping] Gingy: Oh! Farquaad: Magic Mirror. Gingy: Don't tell him anything! No! Farquaad: Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of all? Mirror: Well, technically you're not a king. Farquaad: Uh, Thelonius. You were saying? Mirror: What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. Farquaad: Go on. Mirror: [Chuckles] So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! And last, but certainly not the least, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead, from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But, don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! So will it be, bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? Guards: Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three! Farquaad: Three? One? [Shudders] Three? Thelonius: Three! Pick number three, my lord! Farquaad: Okay, okay, uh, number three! Mirror: Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. [♪ Escape By Rupert Holmes Playing] Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you like piña coladas. And getting caught in the rain. ♪ Farquaad: Princess Fiona. Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you're not into yoga. ♪ Farquaad: She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go-- Mirror: But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. Farquaad: I'll do it. Mirror: Yes, but after sunset. Farquaad: Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. Donkey: But that's it. That's it right there. That's Duloc. I told ya I'd find it. Shrek: So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. Donkey: Uh-huh. That's the place. Shrek: Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? [Laughs] Donkey: [Groans] Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. Man: Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. Shrek: Hey, you! [Screams] Shrek: Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. I just-- I just-- [Whimpering] [Sighs] [Whimpering, Groans] [Turnstile Clatters] [Chuckles] [Sighs] ♪♪ [Instrumental Music] Shrek: It's quiet. Too quiet. [Creaking] Shrek: Where is everybody? Donkey: Hey, look at this! [Clattering, Whirring, Clicking] [Clicking] [Clicking Quickens] Clockwork Chorus: ♪ Welcome to Duloc such a perfect town. Here was have some rules, let us lay them down. Don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine, Duloc is a perfect place. Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your... face. Duloc is, Duloc is, Duloc is a perfect place! ♪ [Camera Shutter Clicks] [Whirring] Donkey: Wow! Let's do that again! Shrek: No. No. No, no, no! No. [Trumpet Fanfare] [Crowd Cheering] Farquaad: Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. [Donkey Humming] Farquaad: Today one of you shall prove himself-- Shrek: All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. Donkey: Sorry about that. [Cheering] Farquaad: That champion shall have the honor-- no, no-- the privilege, to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona, from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place, and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. [Cheering] Farquaad: Let the tournament begin! [Gasps] Knight 1: Oh! Farquaad: What is that? [Gasping] Farquaad: It's hideous! Shrek: Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. Donkey: Huh? Farquaad: Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him! Knight 2: Get him! Shrek: Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. Woman: Go ahead! Get him! Shrek: Can't we just settle this over a pint? Knight 3: Kill the beast! Shrek: No? All right then. Come on! [♪ Bad Reputation By Joan Jett Playing] Halfcocked: ♪ I don't give a damn about my reputation. You're living in the past, it's a new generation. ♪ Knight 4: Damn! [Whinnying] Halfcocked: ♪ A girl can do what she wants to do, and that's what I'm gonna do. And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. ♪ Donkey: Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Never said I wanted to improve my station. ♪ Shrek: Ah! [Laughs] Halfcocked: ♪ And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun. ♪ Shrek: Yeah! Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't have to please no one. ♪ Wrestling Fan: The chair! Give him the chair! Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. Oh, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me. Not me. ♪ [Bell Dings] [Cheering] Shrek: [Laughs] Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! [Shrek Laughs] [Crowd Gasping, Murmuring] Guard 9: Shall I give the order, sir? Farquaad: No, I have a better idea. People of Duloc! I give you our champion! Shrek: What? Farquaad: Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. Shrek: Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp back. Farquaad: Your swamp? Shrek: Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! [Crowd Murmuring] Farquaad: Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. Shrek: Exactly the way it was? Farquaad: Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. Shrek: And the squatters? Farquaad: As good as gone. Shrek: What kind of quest? Donkey: Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon, and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right? Shrek: You know what? Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. Donkey: I don't get it, Shrek. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. Shrek: Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village, and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? Donkey: Uh, no, not really, no. Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. Donkey: Example? Shrek: Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. Donkey: [Sniffs] They stink? Shrek: Yes-- No! Donkey: They make you cry? Shrek: No! Donkey: You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. Shrek: No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. [Sighs] Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. [Sniffs] You know, not everybody likes onions. Cakes! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. Shrek: I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres. Are not. Like cakes. Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Hey, let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. Donkey: Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole dang planet. Shrek: You know, I think preferred your humming. Donkey: Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering. [♪ I'm On My Way By The Proclaimers Playing] The Proclaimers: ♪ I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And everything that you receive up yonder is what you give to me the day I wander, I'm on my way. I'm on my way. I'm on my way. ♪ Donkey: Ooh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything. Shrek: Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. [Sniffs] It's brimstone. We must be getting close. Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone either. [Rumbling] Shrek: Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. [Laughing] Donkey: Shrek? Remember when you said ogres have layers? Shrek: Oh, aye. Donkey: Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. Shrek: Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. Donkey: You know what I mean. Shrek: You can't tell me you're afraid of heights? Donkey: No, I'm just a little uncomfortable being on a rickety over a boiling lake of lava! Shrek: Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay. For emotional support. We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. Donkey: Really? Shrek: Really, really. Donkey: Okay, that makes me feel so much better. Shrek: Just keep moving. And don't look down. Donkey: Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. [Gasps] Shrek! I'm lookin' down! God, I can't do this! Just let me off right now. Please. Shrek: But you're already halfway. Donkey: But I know that half is safe! Shrek: Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. Donkey: Shrek, no! Wait! Shrek: Donkey-- Let's have a dance then, shall we? Donkey: Don't do that! Shrek: Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? Donkey: Yes, that! Shrek: This? This, do it. Okay. Donkey: [Screams] No, Shrek! No! Stop it! Shrek: You said do it. I'm doin' it. Donkey: I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! Shrek: That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. Donkey: Cool. So, where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. Donkey: [Chuckles] I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. [Water Dripping] [Wind Howling] Donkey: [Donkey Whispering] You afraid? Shrek: No, but-- Shh. Donkey: Oh, good. Me neither. [Gasps] 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared, you know what I mean. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. [Gasps] Shrek: Donkey, two things, okay? Shut... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. Donkey: Stairs? I thought I was lookin' for the princess. Shrek: The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. Donkey: What makes it you think she'll be there? Shrek: I read it in a book once. Donkey: Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. [Creaking] Donkey: I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right here. I'd step all over it. Shrek: Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the--? Donkey: Dragon! [Screams] [Gasps] [Roars] Shrek: Donkey, look out! [Screams] [Screams] [Whimpering] Shrek: Got ya! [Roars] [Gasps] Shrek: [Shouts] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [Screaming] Donkey: [Gasps] Oh! Aah! Aah! [Gasping] [Growls] Donkey: No. Oh, no. No! [Screams] Oh, what large teeth you have. [Growls] Donkey: I mean, I mean, white sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're-- You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. 'Cause, you're just reeking a feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ooh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm, uh-- [Coughs] I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. Shrek! [Gasps] [Whimpering] No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! [Groans, Sighs] ♪♪ [Chorus Vocalizing] ♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues] ♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues] Fiona: Oh! Oh! Shrek in Armor: Wake up! Fiona: What? Shrek in Armor: Are you Princess Fiona? Fiona: I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. Shrek in Armor: Oh, that's nice. Now, let's go! Fiona: But, wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? Shrek in Amror: Yeah. Sorry, lady. There's no time. Fiona: Hey, wait. What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet, out yonder window, and down a rope onto your valiant steed. Shrek in Armor: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? Fiona: Mm-hmm. [Screams, Grunts] But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! Shrek in Armor: I don't think so. Fiona: Can I at least know the name of my champion? Shrek: Um, Shrek. Fiona: Sir Shrek. [Clears Throat] I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Shrek in Armor: Thanks. [Roaring] Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon? Shrek in Armor: It's on my to-do list. Now, come on! Fiona: [Screams] But this isn't right! You’re meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying! That's what all the other knights did! Shrek in Armor: Yeah, right before they burst into flame! Fiona: You know, that's not the point! Oh! Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there. Shrek in Armor: Well, I have to save my ass. Fiona: What kind of knight are you? Shrek in Armor: One of the kind. Donkey: Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. [Laughs] I don't to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this-- Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude-- Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or maybe his pen pals. 'Cause I'm the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards, and-- I'd really love to stay, but-- Hey, hey, hey! Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal ail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission to-- Wait. What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no! No! Oh! [Growls] [Roars] [Roaring] [Gasps] Donkey: Hi, Princess! Fiona: It talks! Shrek in Armor: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick! Donkey: Shrek! [Screams] [Screaming] Shrek: Oh! [Thuds] [Groans] [Shrek Groans] [Roars] [Roars] [Roaring] [Roars] Shrek in Armor: Okay, you two! Head for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. [Echoing] Run! [Gasping] [Screaming] [Screams] [Roars] [Panting, Sighs] [Whimpers] [Roars] [Roars, Whimpers] [Dragon Growling In The Distance] Fiona: You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. You're-- You're wonderful. You're... A little unorthodox, I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. [Clears Throat] Fiona: And where would be a brave knight be without his noble steed? Donkey: All right, I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a noble steed. Fiona: [Fiona Laughs] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. Shrek in Armor: Uh, no. Fiona: Why not? Shrek: I have helmet hair. Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. Shrek in Armor: No, no, you wouldn't'st. Fiona: But, how will you kiss me? Shrek in Armor: What? That job wasn't in the job description. Donkey: Maybe it's a perk. Fiona: No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon, is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. Donkey: Hmm? With Shrek? You think-- Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is your true love? Fiona: Well, yes. [Laughing] [Laughing] Donkey: You think Shrek is your true love! Fiona: What is so funny? Shrek in Armor: Let's just say I'm not your type, okay? Fiona: Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now-- Now remove your helmet. Shrek in Amror: Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. Fiona: Just take off the helmet. Shrek in Amror: I'm not going to. Fiona: Take it off. Shrek in Amror: No! Fiona: Now! Shrek in Armor: Okay! Easy. As you command, Your Highness. Fiona: You-- You're-- an ogre. Shrek: Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. Fiona: Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre. Shrek: Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay. He's the one who wants to marry you. Fiona: Then why didn't he come to rescue me? Shrek: Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. Fiona: But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some ogre and his pet. Donkey: So much for noble steed. Shrek: You're not making my job any easier. Fiona: I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. Shrek: Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. Fiona: You wouldn't dare. Put me down! Shrek: Ya comin', Donkey? Donkey: I'm right behind ya. Fiona: Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! [Screams] Donkey: Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right? But you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? Fiona: You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your-- Hey! [Sighs] The sooner we get to Duloc the better. Donkey: Oh, yeah. You're gonna love it there, Princess? It's beautiful! Fiona: And my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? Shrek: Well, let me put this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's standards are in short supply. [Laughs] Donkey: I don't know, Shrek. There are those who think little of him. [Both Laughing] Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. Shrek: Maybe. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. Fiona: Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? Shrek: No, that'll take longer. Fiona: But there's robbers in the woods. Donkey: Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping is definitely startin' to sound good. Shrek: Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. Fiona: I need to find somewhere to camp now! [Bird Wings Fluttering] Shrek: [Grunting] Hey! Over here. Donkey: Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. Fiona: No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. Shrek: Homey touches? Like what? [Crashing] Fiona: A door. Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. Donkey: You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. Fiona: I said, good night! Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing? Shrek: [Laughs] I just-- You know-- Oh, come on. I was just kidding. [Fire Crackling] Shrek: And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. Donkey: Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? Shrek: The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. Donkey: I know you're making this up. Shrek: No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. Donkey: Man, that ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. Shrek: Sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. Donkey: [Sighs] Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? Shrek: Our swamp? Donkey: You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. Shrek: We? Donkey, there is no "we." There's no "our." There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land. Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. Shrek: No. Do ya think? Donkey: Are you hidin' something? Shrek: Never mind, Donkey. Donkey: Oh! This is another one of those onion things, isn't it? Shrek: No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it-alone things. Donkey: Why don't you want to talk about it? Shrek: Why do you always want to? Donkey: Why are you blocking? Shrek: I'm not blocking. Donkey: Yes, you are. Shrek: Donkey, I'm warning you. Donkey: Who you trying to keep out? Shrek: Everyone! Okay? Donkey: Now we're gettin' somewhere. Shrek: Oh! For the love of Pete! Donkey: What's your problem? What you got against the whole world? Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" [Sighs] They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. Donkey: You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Shrek: Yeah, I know. Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. Donkey: Okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? Shrek: That's the moon. Donkey: Oh, okay. ♪♪ [Orchestra] ♪♪ [Dulcimer] Farquaad: Again. Show me again. [Music Stops, Rewinds] Farquaad: Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. Mirror: Hmph. [Rewinds, Resumes] Farquaad: Ah. Perfect. [Inhales] [Snoring] ♪♪ [Vocalizing] ♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues] ♪♪ [Whistling] ♪♪ [Whistling Continues] ♪♪ [Vocalizes] ♪♪ [Whistles] ♪♪ [Vocalizes] ♪♪ [Whistles] ♪♪ [Vocalizing] ♪♪ [Whistling] ♪♪ [Vocalizing, High-pitched] ♪♪ [Whistling, High-pitched] ♪♪ [Continues] [Sizzling] [Sniffs, Yawns] Shrek: Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. Donkey: Come on, baby. I said I like it. Shrek: Donkey, wake up. Donkey: Huh? What? Shrek: Wake up. Donkey: What? Fiona: Good morning. How do you like your eggs? Donkey: Good morning, Princess! Shrek: What's all this about? Fiona: We kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. After all, you did rescue me. Shrek: Uh, thanks. [Sniffs] Fiona: Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. [Belches] Donkey: Shrek! Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. [Laughs] Donkey: Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. [Belches] Fiona: Thanks. Donkey: She's as nasty as you are. Shrek: [Laughs] You know, you're not exactly what I expected. Fiona: Maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. [Vocalizing] Monsieur Hood: La liberte! Hey! Shrek: Princess? [Laughs] Fiona: What are you doing? Monsieur Hood: Be still, cherie, for I am your savior! And I am rescuing you from this green [Kissing Sounds] beast. Shrek: Hey! That's my princess. Go find your own! Monsieur Hood: Please, monsters! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? Fiona: Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are! Monsieur Hood: Oh! Of course! How rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men! [Laughs] ♪♪ [Accordion] Merry Men: ♪ Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo! ♪ Monsieur Hood: ♪ I steal from the rich and give to the needy. ♪ Man: ♪ He takes a wee percentage. ♪ Monsieur Hood: ♪ But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels. Man, I'm good. ♪ Merry Men: ♪ What a guy, Monsieur Hood! ♪ Monsieur Hood: ♪ Break it down. I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid. ♪ Merry Men: ♪ What he's basically saying is he likes to get-- ♪ Monsieur Hood: ♪ Paid. ♪ Merry Men: ♪ So. ♪ Monsieur Hood: ♪ When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad. ♪ Merry Men: ♪ That's bad. ♪ Monsieur Hood: ♪ When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad. ♪ Merry Men: ♪ He's mad. He's really, really mad. ♪ Monsieur Hood: ♪ I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart. Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start! ♪ [Tarzan Yell] [Grunts, Groans] [Karate Yell] [Merry Men Gasping] Fiona: [Panting] Man, that was annoying! Man: Oh, you little-- [Karate Yell] ♪♪ [Accordion] [Tarzan woman yell] [Shouting, Groaning] [Tarzan woman yells about 3 times] [Groaning] Fiona: [Chuckles] Um, shall we? Shrek: Hold the phone. [Grunts] Shrek: Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? Fiona: What? Shrek: That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? Fiona: Well-- [Chuckles] When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a-- There's an arrow in your butt! Shrek: What? Oh, would you look at that? Fiona: Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. Donkey: Why? What's wrong? Fiona: Shrek's hurt. Donkey: Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. Shrek: Donkey, I'm okay. Donkey: Oh, you can't do this to me. I'm too young for you to die. Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? Fiona: Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Okay. I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die, Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! Shrek: Donkey! Donkey: Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Shrek: What are the flowers for? Fiona: For getting rid of Donkey. Shrek: Ah. Fiona: Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. Shrek: Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. Fiona: I'm sorry, but it has to come out. Shrek: No, it's tender. Now, hold on. What you're doing is the opposite of help. Fiona: Don't move. Shrek: Look, time out. Fiona: Would you-- [Grunts] Okay. What do you propose we do? Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. Shrek: Ow! Donkey: Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! Shrek: Ow! Not good. Fiona: Okay. Okay, I can nearly see the head. [Grunts] Fiona: It's just about-- Shrek: Ow! Ohh! Donkey: Ahem. Shrek: Nothing happened. We were just, uh-- Donkey: Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was as, okay. Shrek: Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind! The princess here was just-- Ugh! Ow! Donkey: Hey, what's that? [Nervous Chuckle] That's-- Is that blood? [Sighs] [Bird Chirping] [♪ My Beloved Monster By Eels Playing] [Grunts] Eels: ♪ My beloved monster and me. We go everywhere together. Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves, gets us through all kinds of weather. ♪ Donkey: Aah! Eels: ♪ She will always be the only thing. That comes between me and the awful sting. That comes from living in the world that's so damn mean. ♪ [Croaks] Eels: ♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh. ♪ Fiona: Hey! Eels: ♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la. ♪ [Both Laughing] Eels: La-la, la-la, la-la. Shrek: There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. Fiona: That's Duloc? Donkey: Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really-- Ow! Shrek: Um, I, uh-- I guess we better move one. Fiona: Sure. But, Shrek? I'm-- I'm worried about Donkey. [Blubbering] Shrek: What? Fiona: I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. Donkey: What are you talking about? I'm fine. Fiona: That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead. Shrek: You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? Fiona: I'll make you some tea. Donkey: I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look. [Bones Crunch] Ow! See? Shrek: Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. Fiona: I'll get the firewood. Donkey: Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. Fiona: Mmm. Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? Shrek: Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style. Fiona: No kidding. Shrek: Well, this is delicious. Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. [Chuckling] Donkey: [Sighs] I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. Shrek: [Gulps] Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare-- you name it. Fiona: [Chuckles] I'd like that. [Slurps, Laughs] Donkey: ♪ See the pyramids along the Nile. ♪ Shrek: Um, Princess? Donkey: ♪ Watch the sunrise from a tropical isle. ♪ Fiona: Yes, Shrek? Shrek: I, um, I was wondering. Donkey: ♪ Just remember, darling all the while. ♪ Shrek: Are you-- Donkey: You belong to me. Shrek: [Sighs] Are you gonna eat that? [Chuckles] Donkey: Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. Fiona: Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. Shrek: What? Donkey: Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? Fiona: Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. Donkey: Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until-- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. [Shrek Sighs] Fiona: Good night. Shrek: Good night. [Door Creaks] Donkey: Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. Shrek: Oh, what are you talkin' about? Donkey: I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. I know two were diggin' in each other. I could feel it. Shrek: You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. Donkey: Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. Shrek: I-- There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know-- and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't-- she's a princess, and I'm-- Donkey: An ogre? Shrek: Yeah. An ogre. Donkey: Hey, where you goin'? Shrek: To get... more firewood. [Sighs] Donkey: Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? [Wings Fluttering] Donkey: Princess? [Creaking] Donkey: [Gasps] It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. [Screams] Donkey: Aah! Fiona: Oh, no! Donkey: No, help! Fiona: Shh! Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Fiona: No, it's okay. It's okay. Donkey: What did you do with the princess? Fiona: Donkey, I'm the princess. Donkey: Aah! Fiona: It's me, in this body. Donkey: Oh, my God! You ate the princess! Can you hear me? Fiona: Donkey! Donkey: Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! Fiona: No! Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Fiona: Shh. Donkey: Shrek! Fiona: This is me. Donkey: [Muffled Mumbling] Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. Fiona I'm ugly, okay? Donkey: Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now-- Fiona: No. I-- I've been this way as long as I can remember. Donkey: What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. Fiona: It only happens when the sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm, until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form." Donkey: Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. Fiona: It's a spell. [Sighs] When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow, before the sun sets and he sees me, like this. [Sobs] Donkey: All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. Fiona: But, Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. Donkey: Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? Fiona: I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. Donkey: But, you know, um, you're kind of an ogre, and Shrek-- well, you got a lot in common. Fiona: Shrek? Shrek: Princess, I-- Uh, how's going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and-- well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd-- uh, uh-- [Sighs] I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. Fiona: I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. [Deep Sigh] Fiona: Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. Donkey: You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. Fiona: No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. Donkey: What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? Fiona: Promise you won't tell. Promise! Donkey: All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'. [Door Opens] [Snoring] Fiona: I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want-- [Snoring] Fiona: Shrek. Are you all right? Shrek: Perfect! Never been better. Fiona: I-- I don't-- There's something I have to tell you. Shrek: You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. Fiona: You heard what I said? Shrek: Every word. Fiona: I thought you'd understand. Shrek: Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" Fiona: But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. Shrek: Yeah? Well, it does. [Gasps, Sighs] Shrek: Ah, right on time. [Horse Whinnies] Shrek: Princess, I've brought you a little something. ♪♪ [Fanfare] Donkey: [Yawns] What'd I miss? What'd I miss? [Muffled] Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. Farquaad: Princess Fiona. Shrek: As promised. Now hand it over. Farquaad: Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, ad agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have ever seen such a radiant beauty before. I am Lord Farquaad. Fiona: Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying, a short, farewell. Farquaad: That's so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings. Fiona: No, you're right. It doesn't. Farquaad: Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. [Gasps] Farquaad: Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? Fiona: Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make. Farquaad: Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! Fiona: No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. Farquaad: Oh, anxious, are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! Fiona: Fare-thee-well, ogre. Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. Shrek: Yeah? So what? Donkey: Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night. She's-- Shrek: I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? Donkey: Shrek, I-- I wanna go with you. Shrek: I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! Donkey: But I thought-- Shrek: Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong! Donkey: Shrek. [♪ Hallelujah By John Cale Playing] John Cale: ♪ I heard there was a secret chord, that David played, and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music, do ya? It goes like this the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall the major lift. The baffled king composing hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. Baby, I've been here before, I know this room I've walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch, but love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's broken hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. And all I ever learned from love is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you. ♪ [Moaning] John Cale: ♪ And it's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah. ♪ [Moaning] John Cale: ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. ♪ [Thumping Sound] Shrek: Donkey? [Grunts] Shrek: What are you doing? Donkey: I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. Shrek: Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. Donkey: It is. Around your half. See, that's your half, and this is my half. Shrek: Oh! Your half. Hmm. Donkey: Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. Shrek: Back off! Donkey: No, you back off. Shrek: This is my swamp! Donkey: Our swamp. Shrek: Let go, Donkey! Donkey: You let go. Shrek: Stubborn jackass! Donkey: Smelly ogre. Shrek: Fine! Donkey: Hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. Shrek: Well, I'm through with you. Donkey: Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. Shrek: Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? Donkey: Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! Shrek: Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you, for stabbin' me in the back! Donkey: Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. Shrek: Go away! Donkey: There you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. Shrek: Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. Donkey: She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. Shrek: She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? Donkey: Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? Shrek: Donkey! Donkey: No! Shrek: Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? Donkey: Hmph. Shrek: [Sighs] I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me? Donkey: Hey, that's what friends are for, right? Shrek: Right. Friends? Donkey: Friends. Shrek: So, um, what did Fiona say about me? Donkey: What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? Shrek: The wedding! We'll never make it in time. Donkey: Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where there's a will, there's a way, and I have a way. [Whistles] Shrek: Donkey? [Donkey Laughing] Donkey: I guess it's just an animal magnetism. Shrek: [Laughing] Aw, come here, you. Donkey: All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. [Donkey Laughing] Whoo! [Bells Tolling] [All Gasping] Bishop: People of Duloc, we gather here today, to bear witness, to the union... Fiona: Um-- of our now king-- Bishop: Excuse me. Fiona: Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? Farquaad: [Chuckling] Go on. Donkey: Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? Shrek: What are you talking about? Donkey: There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" Shrek: I don't have time for this! Donkey: Wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? Shrek: Yes. Donkey: You wanna hold her? Shrek: Yes. Donkey: Please her? Shrek: Yes! Donkey: ♪ Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. ♪ The chicks love that romantic crap! Shrek: All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? Donkey: We gotta check it out. [Donkey Grunting] Bishop: And so, by the power vested in me... Shrek: What do you see? Donkey: The whole town's in there. Bishop: ...I now pronounce you husband and wife... Donkey: They're at the altar. Bishop: ...king and queen. Donkey: Mother Fletcher! He already said it. Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete! [Grunts] Shrek: I object! Fiona: Shrek? [Gasps] Farquaad: Oh, now what does he want? [Crowd Clamoring] Shrek: Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean. Fiona: What are you doing here? Farquaad: Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding-- Shrek: Fiona! I need to talk to you. Fiona: Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me-- Shrek: But you can't marry him. Fiona: And why not? Shrek: Because-- Because he's just marrying you so he can be king. Farquaad: Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. Shrek: He's not your true love. Fiona: And what do you know about true love? Shrek: Well, I-- Uh-- I mean-- Farquaad: Oh, this is precious. [Chuckling] The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. [Crowd Laughing] Farquaad: An ogre and a princess! [Laughing Continues] Fiona: Shrek, is this true? Farquaad: Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmm! Fiona: "By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. [Whimpers] [Crowd Gasping] Shrek: Well, uh, that explains a lot. Farquaad: Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! Fiona: No, no! Shrek! Farquaad: This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? Fiona: No, let go of me, Shrek! Shrek: No! Farquaad: Don't just stand there, you morons. Shrek: Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! Farquaad: I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you! Fiona: No! Shrek! Farquaad: And as for you, my wife, Shrek: Fiona! Farquaad: I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I am king! [Whistles] Farquaad: I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have-- Aaah! Aah! Donkey: All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. [Dragon Roars] Donkey: I'm a donkey on the edge! [Belches] Donkey: [Donkey Laughs] Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? [Cheering] Donkey: Go ahead, Shrek. Shrek: Uh, Fiona? Fiona: Yes, Shrek? Shrek: I-- I love you. Fiona: Really? Shrek: Really, really. Fiona: I love you too. All: Aawww! Fiona: "Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form." [Echoing] [Echoing Continues] "Take love's true from. Take love's true form." Shrek: Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? Fiona: Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. Shrek: But you are beautiful. [Chuckles] Donkey: I was hoping would be a happy ending. [♪ I'm A Believer By Smash Mouth Playing] Steve Harwell: ♪ I thought love was only true in fairy tales. ♪ All: Oy! Steve Harwell: ♪ Meant for someone else but not for me. Love was out to get me, that's the way it seemed, disappointment haunted all my dreams. And then I saw her face. Now I'm a believer. And not a trace. Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. ♪ Choir: ♪ Ohh-ahh. ♪ Steve Harwell: ♪ I'm a believer I couldn't leaver her if I tried. ♪ Gingy: God bless us, every one. Donkey: Come on, y'all! ♪ Then I saw her face. ♪ Ha-ha! ♪ Now I'm a believer. ♪ Listen! Not a trace. ♪ Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. Ooh-ahh. I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried. ♪ Mice: Ooh! Uh! Donkey: ♪ Then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer! Hey! Not a trace. Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind. One more time! I'm in love. I'm a believer. Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey! Y'all sing it with me! I believe! I believe! People in the back! I believe! ♪ Smash Mouth: ♪ I'm a believer. ♪ Donkey: ♪ I believe. I believe. I believe! ♪ [Hysterical Laughing] Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

@ranboos-sister

[k-laconia-bug1]

Siblings Reunited

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Things to know before reading this! 1. Luz is the same age as hunter (16) so her and Lance year apart 2. Luz and Lance are Altean 3. Luz went to the garrison but was asleep during shiro rescue therfore was not there for voltron 4. Luz and Lance eyes are the same blue as Allura 5. Allura is Lance and Luz older sister 6. Lance & Luz were adopted and has younger siblings 7. Hunter hangs out regularly at the owl house and gives them information on Belos 8. The demon realm is a planet 9. I used Google translate for Spanish 10. I didn't go to the wiki to see all of lances family's names or how big it is so all names mention is made up, also sorry if there oc haven't binged watched the shows for awhile

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Voltron had just landed in a clearing near the owl house to get more supplies when Lance and Hunk heared a voice they recognized. Hunk turned to look at Lance who had teary eyes, started to run towards her voice leaving other members of Voltron confused and started to run after Lance, everyone but Hunk yelled "Lance wait!"

------------Owl house------------

Luz was teaching hunter Glyphs when she heard people yelling everyone hanging out at the owl house turned toward the sound When suddenly someone she recognized the person that was the reason for being a witch to find them. Twin bright blue eyes froze when met it was like time had stopped Eda confused with a quirked eyebrows her hand on her hip and a finger pointed towards Lance and the member of voltron "So uh you recognize those guys Luz they look human ears are round and everything"

After Eda broke the silence both Lance and Luz ran towards each other crying

"Hermano mayor!" "Hermanita" Lance picked up Luz in a hug twirling her around after a few moments he set her down "Hermanita What are you doing on this planet? Luz wiping her tears away glared at Lance weakly punching his chest "Learning Magic to find you ya big Jerk! Where were you! You know how devastated I was!"

"I know I know.. and I'm sorry Estrella fugaz" he paused for a moment before his eyes harden

"wait how did you get here?" Lance questions

Luz laughs nervously "wellll...I may or may not have gone through a magic door to get my book and..umm ... I decided to learn magic to help me find you.. I also may or may not have destroyed my only way home to save Eda...." King looks around and speaks up "So your Luz Brother?" Luz looking over and blushed embarrassed realizing it wasn't just her brother and Eda infront of the owl house looking at the many confused and curious faces "yeah king his my older brother and big guy in yellow is Hunk and I believe the guy in red is Keith?" Luz pauses thinks for moment. Wanting to take a little sibling revenge on Lance for making her worry and leaving without her that night takes the moment to embarrass her big bro "yeah I'm pretty sure that's Keith Lance wouldn't shut up about how pretty his eyes were or about his stupid mullet!" Both Keith and Lance's face turn to a brilliant shade of red, redder then Eda dress or Keith's lion. "What the hongos taki was that for! LUZ!" Lance screamed embarrassed Luz smiling a bright devilish smile "well that was for worrying me so much" Pidge looked over at Keith who was a frozen in place blushing red still shared look with Hunk a sole promise to tell Luz about the 'Bonding moment' that Lance swears up and down didn't happen and make her a member of the Klance shippers club they already had alot of memebers through out the galaxy not to mention everyone in Voltron Shipped it.

Meanwhile Eda shared a look at the owl house gang that says they just gained memebers of Lunter shippers club.

▪︎▪︎▪︎●●●▪︎▪︎le time skip▪︎▪︎●●●▪︎▪︎▪︎

Everyone at a campfire and trading stories about there the siblings childhood or what happen while they were gone and finished teasing each other Lance gained a serious look "Luz I have something to tell you.. you might get upser but you deserve to know" the owlhouse memebers gained a look of concern and Luz a look or worry with hunter rubbing encouraging circles on her back "soo what is it?" Lance nervous looks down breaths in looks up and rips the metaphorical bandaid off "were not human we were born Altean we're Princess Alluras little siblings our escape pods were lost in space for some time before it crash landed near mom an dad's old house due to natural instinct were shifted to a more human form" Lance who had shifted to his Altean form now sported Snow white Hair and Blue Altean Marks and eyes were a shade brighter and ears shifted to look like a witches ears but somewhat longer watching and freckles to take on a little glimmer to them. Lance Shifting caused her Natural ability to shift to trigger as well by the end of Lance sentence now looked similar to her brother hers ears now look exactly like her brothers Eyes gained the same shade as her brother's just turned to freckles glimmered a bit brighter then her brothers and Altean Marks were Pink not blue and Hair turned the same snow white as her brothers but hers grew down a little and Hair turned a more fluffy

All things considered was taking it quite well although not realizing she shifted and everyone looking at her amazed at just how much she looked like her brother Hunter who was still next to her was blushing bright red and couldn't help but think she look so much more beautiful in her Natural form not that he didn't think she wasn't beautiful before she just seem to look more comfortable and shine.

Luz who was looking down looked back up " I knew we were adopted but.. I didn't think we were... alien" Lance who was smiling fondly at his sisters Shifting into her Natural form without her noticing he noticed she already looked more comfortable his Mama would always comment how they never completely relaxed she would always try to get them to relax too spa days, movie nights the works it wasn't just they're Mama either it was the whole family that would try smiling at the thought if Mama and His Siblings were to see how they look now the twins Hugo and Hannah would probably grab onto there ears there older sister Cana would ruffle there hair jealous and amazed at how fluffy and soft it is his second oldest sister Marie would absolutely be inlove with how shiny there freckles are marveled at how they look like constellation in the sky like the astrologist she is there older brother Coco or Cole Much like Cana ruffle our hair and demand that we grow it out like his was Bonnie wouldn't care at all just demand they teach her stuff about space and the possible sea creatures they saw she was always giddy to learn new things from her older brothers and sisters Connie the youngest of all his siblings was just a baby probably out of the baby babble stage Hinata should be in his first year of High school he would just cling to us demand that we play a few rounds of volleyball with him on the beach I wonder if he made his high-school tean? I also wonder if the other set of twins in the family Derek and Danna got Captin and Co captain in there schools swim team or if there cousin they were closest too Marinette finally got her name in the fashion industry "your thinking about them aren't you?" Luz spoke with sense of knowing and understanding "yeah I was thinking on how they would react to our charming~ good looks!" Everyone smiles at that sentence "we should get to bed soon though I know how cranky you get Luz" Luz deadpan and looks at him "your the same exact way how many times did Coco get bruised by a pillow from you throwing it?" Lance's eye twitched "well I'm not the one that gave Marie the black eye with the soft dog toy" Hunter speakes up "How do you do that!?" Lance and Luz both look over at Hunter and talks in unison "each don't really know we always been a bit stronger then normal maybe it was from helping Auntie Sabine and Uncle Tom around the Bakery?"

With that the Siblings that could pass for twins went back to arguing ... few days later Both Hunter and Keith got Shovel talks by their crushes younger/older sibling

Luz had met Allura and loved just as much as she does the rest of her family while also demanding to know Altean Anatomy she doesn't want some kind of nasty surprise

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

Hermano mayor—Big/Eldest brother

Hermanita— Sister

Estrella fugaz—Shooting Star

hongos taki—Taki Mushrooms

[xeo-kunsatan]

Beast Choices Chapter 1. Diagnosis

Long time ago in Pacopolis... A Russian/Korean Woman have opened her consultory for the first time, ready to receive her first patient.

Muriel Plizetxki.

Age: 21 years

Gender: Female

Birthday: April 4th

Sign: Aries ♈

Race: Purple Sphere-Russian/Korean

Blood type: B+

From her office's door, her First patient have arrived.. It was a insecure and tired white orb next to his mother wich was speaking with Muriel about her son's bad behavior, wishing Muriel would make him change into a perfect boy, to then left him in the office.

Betrayus Spheros

Age: 18 Years

Gender: Male

Birthday: October 28th

Sign: Scorpio ♏

Race: White Sphere-American

Blood type: A-.

–Remember Miss in 2 months of therapy i will give you his Diagnosis–

Muriel said trying to be professional.

–I hope you can handle him, he is sooo complicated... Well see ya Tray Tray, be good– Said the old woman before leaving the office.

–Wow.. what a nice woman..– Muriel said sarcastically.. –Y-Yeah... I guess..– he said with a notable uncomfortably.

The ambient was quiet for a moment, but Muriel started speaking.

–Welcome to this office Mr Spheros, or how can I refer myself to you?– –B-Betrayus.. just Betrayus

--Said bashful the white guy..

--Alright Betrayus, so.. Tell me... What are your problems?

Betrayus was quiet and nervous but he took a break and started narrating..

–Well.. Doctor.. My problems started literally since I born,.. my Dad died when i born... So my mother andmy brother.. they saw me as the guilty of his death and a black sheep...i Dunno if my older sister thinks the same of me....

He was narrating while Muriel was taking notes of his testimony.–

–I didn't knew how my father was, when i tried to ask my mom about him...she just avoid that topic and told me a "shut up" instead, My sister isn't in home for almost all the day because of her work, when i saw her, we just have a short conversations about future stuff and what places we want to visit so i forgot to ask that to her.. and my brother.. he just avoids me with Mom's same behavior.. i think i partly know why he is Mom's favorite..

–Because he is the same shit as her?–

Muriel commented in a jocking way.

–Heheh.. Exactly– He Chuckled

–Is that all, or there's is more you want to share?.. Like.. your childhood?– she said interested while she was still taking notes.

–Well.. about my childhood..it was hard too, i went to the same school as my brother, he was the brilliant Student of the class, he was the best in Chess, math, history, lenguage, football, swimming, golf and hockey. How I'm not like him, for a weird reason classmates sees me as a

Mr no One or a freak, some of them used to bully me....– He added

–Uhuh..– Muriel Answered while she was writting in a new paper

Betrayus seemed a little mad at Muriel's dry attitude, like thinking she wasn't giving a care about his feelings.

– Agh... you know, whatever, that's not important.. you're were just paid to control me

Betrayus's mad expression changed in a melancholic one, something Muriel noticed quickly, then she said him with a warm voice tone and a clumsy smile.

–Don't worry, i will not judge you, even when my work is hear your problems and understand you to then give you dry advices, i really want to help you, i know so well how do you feel, I'm sorry if I sounded like i didn't care, Heh.. This is my first work day and you my first patient, hehe–

Betrayus was embarrassed but relieved at the same time –R-Really?, Oh dang I'm really sorry, i didn't know..–

–No no no, it's okay, it was my fault– Muriel was still with a dummy smile, something that Betrayus saw with tenderness

–Heh at least that confirms me that you're really interested in help me–

She chuckled –Yeah i guess, hehehe

And we'll continuing this, tell me what are the things wich makes you shine?–

–Things wich makes me shine?– he asked confused

–You know, your skills, in what things you are good for– she answered chuckling

–Ooh!, I get it, heh.. well I'm good in lenguage, History, Gambling, Pac pong...well.. uhm.. I don't like it anymore... Also literature and writing, I'm kinda freaky with that..–

Suddenly Betrayus noticed a familiar book from the mini library behind Muriel's.

–Is that?.. No way! Is that the Divine Comedy book!?– He said on a impressed and kinda freaky tone.

–Y-yeah wow I thought I was the only weirdo by reading that book– she was impressed as well.

–Same old, Girl!

Both started sharing their tastes having the surprise that their tastes were the same as each other while they were yelling as bakudeku fangirls.

The hours have passed and Rotunda went to take Betrayus to home.

–Im back, Im sorry if he caused you problems– Rotunda said trying to be nice.

–Ohh Miss he wasn't giving me problems, he behaved really good– She answered keeping herself as professional

Rotunda just paid the date to Muriel and left with Betrayus.

Muriel just sighs of satisfaction at watching his first patient smiling before Left.

"He has a really precious smile".

Muriel have attended another 3 patients more until the day ended, she just left the building of her office to then left to a Cabaret club where she worked to pay her career and getting psychiatrist title, work wich still he is having for actually any Monday night. Sometimes to strip or filming adult movies, Always wearing a wolf mask to hide her identity as well keeping her work as psychiatrist. It's almost hard to say if she hated her job in that Cabaret.

She ended and Left safety to her department to just feed her wolfdog Yūu, take a bath and fall sleep cuddling with Yūu waiting for the next day.

In the timelapse of the days Muriel and Betrayus continued their meetings, sometimes with Muriel taking Yūu to the meetings to give a fluffy support to Betrayus, Muriel became into a big emotional support to Betrayus as well her best friend. Something big was growing up between them.

The 2 months have passed so Muriel will give Rotunda the Diagnosis of Betrayus.

Betrayus: hehe then i told her.. Don't move, and she moved and fell from the stairs.

Muriel: Unholy Satan hahahaha... Heheh.. Hey, did anyone told you that you have a beautiful smile?

Betrayus: R-really?.. thank you..*Blushes* no one told me that before...

Muriel: they lost it. *Smiles too*

Betrayus: you know.. you have a beautiful smile too Muriel.

She blushes as well.

Muriel: i want to see you smile Betrayus..

Betrayus: me too

The door was knocked, It was Rotunda and Stratos to take Betrayus to home as well to know the final diagnosis of Betrayus.

Muriel:*opens the door* come in.

Rotunda: thanks to take me Stratos sweetie.

Stratos: always for you Mom.

Rotunda: Tray Tray, wait outside, we have something important to tell with the doctor.

Betrayus: I'm not a child mom...

Betrayus goes outside and sits in the waiting room, near to the door to hear the conversation, suddenly Yūu appears in front him and gives him warm company.

Meanwhile Rotunda and Stratos were waiting for Betrayus's Diagnosis.

Rotunda: Tell me Doctor, what's the problem with my son, did he behaved bad?

Muriel: Oh no, he is a really nice guy but there's the problem.. he has light Depression attacks but it's not too serious in his case, he doesn't need medicine or something... But the only thing he needs is real attention and affection, something wich you clearly don't give him.

Rotunda: Aghh that's fake!

Stratos: but that's not right, it's just a bratty of him.

Muriel: and... Have you asked it what's the origin of his "Bratty"?.

Stratos: well uhh...

Rotunda: uhmm... Because yes?..

Muriel: *she is mad but keeping herself professional* that doesn't have a sense, no one can have a problem or issue because yes, there always a why, the reason of your son's "Bratty" it's because of the rejection and contempt you give him because of something is not his fault, like the death of your husband, being born after the death of your husband doesn't make him a curse, he is a gift your husband left you before his death, but you prefer to see him in that way, as your husband would liked you to do that to his son.

Rotunda was completely mad so she answered that by slapping Muriel, Stratos was shocked as well Betrayus wich was hugging Yūu stoping her to attack Rotunda.

Stratos: M-Mom..

Rotunda: don't talk about my husband!! you can't tell me how to rise my children, you're not a mother to know that!!.

Muriel:... Maybe I'm not a mother, if i were one i will not treat my children as a bullshit, i would treat them with love.. as my mother used to do

Rotunda: Arrgghh... This is a Nonesense... Stratos take me home..

Stratos: y-yes Mom..

Rotunda have left the office just to meet up with a angry Yūu, Muriel noticed that and ran off the office to calm down Yūu.

Muriel: Yūu-Min No! Calm down Girl, calm down...

Yūu calms down and looks at Betrayus worried.

Stratos;*sneezes* Wolf!!...

Rotunda: Ahh! Beast!!

Muriel;*lies* its actually, an Malamute Alaskan.

Betrayus: i heard everything... Mom.. it's not my fault my dad died, and you know what? I'm tired of you and your bullshit about me!!

Stratos: Betrayus don't speak in that tone to our mother!!!.

Betrayus: *mocks* don't speak in that tone to our mother.. you are just defending her because "you are his favorite child"...

Rotunda: that's it! Betrayus you better take your stuff and leave the house!

Betrayus: in that it's the only thing I can agree with you, mother.

Rotunda: hah, i doubt you can live without me.

Muriel: well, he can live in my department, i have a extra room there.

Betrayus: R-really Muriel? Can I?.

Muriel: Sure.

Rotunda: Fine! Go with your Slut, if she can bear with you.

Muriel: at least bear with me "a slut" it's better to bear with a witch like you.

Stratos: that's enough! Mom... Let's go..

Stratos have left with Rotunda.

Muriel: uff finally...

Betrayus:*hugs her tightly* .. thank you.. Thank you so much Muriel.

Muriel: *hugs back* your welcome...

After that Betrayus started living with Muriel in her apartment as her Roommate, Betrayus find a work as pizza Delivery guy.

Where their story started and their relationship evolved into real love.

To be continued...

Extra:

Muriel and Betrayus have left a bakery with a box of chocolate donuts.

Bully1: hey Babe, what if you leave this white loser and come with a real man~?.

Betrayus; Aghh.. not him..

Muriel: Tray Tray.. hold my donuts *give him the box of donuts*

Betrayus: Muriel?...

Muriel starts beating up the guy to make him Run.

Betrayus:... She is a real lady~♥

[shhh-go-to-sleep]

Shrek: "Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from the dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss." [Laughing] Like that's ever gonna happen.

[Paper Rustling, Toilet Flushes]

Shrek: What a load of--

[Toilet Door slams]

Shrek hops out his outhouse and his routine like taking a mud shower and farting in his pool.

[♪ All-Star By Smash Mouth Playing]

Steve Harwell: ♪ Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead. The years start comin', and they don't stop comin', fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin', didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with takin' the backstreets. You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder, you're bundled up now, but wait till you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ judging by the hole in the satellite picture. The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin, the water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire, how 'bout yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. Hey, now, you're an all-star. ♪

[Shouting]

Steve Harwell: ♪ Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪

[Belches]

Villagers: Go! Go!

[Record Scrating]

Steve Harwell: ♪ Go. Go. Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪

Villagers: Think it's in there? All right! Let's get it!

Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing could do to you?

Villager 2: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.

Shrek: [Laughs] Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres-- they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.

Villager 3: No!

Shrek: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.

Villager 3: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!

[Gasping]

Villager 3: Right.

[Roaring]

[Shouting]

[Roaring]

[Roaring Continues]

[Shouting Continues]

Shrek: [Whispers] This is the part where you run away.

[Gasping]

Shrek: [Laughs] [Laughing] And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." [Sighs]

Guard 1: All right. This one's full. Take it away!

[Gasps]

Guard 2: Move it along. Come on. Get up!

Captain of the Guards: Next!

Guard 3: Give me that! Your flying days are over.

Captain of the Guards: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next.

Guard 4: Get up!

Captain of the Guards: Twenty pieces.

Guard 5: Come on!

[Thudding]

Guard 6: Sit down there! Keep quiet!

Bear: [Crying] This cage is too small.

Donkey: Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!

Old Lady: Oh, shut up!

Donkey: Oh!

Captain of the Guards: Next! What have you got?

Geppetto: This little wooden puppet.

Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.

Captain of the Guards: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

Pinocchio: Father, please! Don't let them do this!

Captain of the Guards: Next.

Pinocchio: Help me!

Captain of the Guards: What have you got?

Old Lady: Well, I've got a talking donkey.

[Grunts]

Captain of the Guards: Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.

Old Lady: Oh, go ahead, little fella.

Captain of the Guards: Well?

Old Lady: Oh, oh, he's just-- He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt--

Captain of the Guards: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!

Old Lady: No, no, he talks! He does. [Moves Donkey’s lips] I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.

Captain of the Guards: Get her out of my sight.

Old Lady: No, no! I swear. Oh! He can talk!

Donkey: [Gasps] Hey, I can fly!

Peter Pan: He can fly!

Pigs: He can fly!

Captain of the Guards: He can talk!

Donkey: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking, donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Uh-oh.

Captain of the Guards: Seize him!

Guard 7: After him! He's getting away!

[Grunts, Gasps]

Guard 8: Get him! This way! Turn!

Captain of the Guards: You there. Ogre!

Shrek: Aye?

Captain of the Guards: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest, and transport you to a designated, resettlement facility.

Shrek: Oh, really? You and what army?

[Gasps, Whimpering]

Donkey: [Chuckles] Can I say somethin' to you? Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible!

Shrek: Are you talkin' to-- me? Whoa!

Donkey: Yes, I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you was great back there? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, then bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babies in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.

Shrek: Oh, that's great. Really.

Donkey: Man, it's good to be free.

Shrek: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?

Donkey: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.

[Roaring]

Donkey: Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time-- [Mumbling] Then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day.

Shrek: Why are you following me?

Donkey: I'll tell you why. ♪ 'Cause I'm all alone. There's no one here beside me. My problems have all gone, there's no one to deride me. But you gotta have friends-- ♪

Shrek: Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.

Donkey: Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.

Shrek: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?

Donkey: Uh-- Really tall?

Shrek: No! I'm an ogre. You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you?

Donkey: Nope.

Shrek: Really?

Donkey: Really, really.

Shrek: Oh.

Donkey: Man, I like you. What's your name?

Shrek: Uh, Shrek.

Donkey: Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that?

Shrek: That would be my home.

Donkey: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you?

Shrek: I like my privacy.

Donkey: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. You know. Can I stay with you?

Shrek: Uh, what?

Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please?

Shrek: Of course!

Donkey: Really?

Shrek: No.

Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But, that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!

Shrek: Okay! Okay! But one night only.

Donkey: Ah! Thank you!

Shrek: What are you-- No. No.

Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles.

Shrek: Oh!

Donkey: Where do, uh, I sleep?

Shrek: Outside!

Donkey: Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, I guess outside is best. [Sniffles] Here I go. Good night. [Sighs] I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself. Outside, I guess. You know. By myself. Outside. ♪ I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. ♪

[Bubbling]

[Sighs]

[Creaking]

Shrek: [Sighs] I thought I told you to stay outside?

Donkey: I am outside.

[Clattering]

[Clattering]

Mouse 1: Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?

Mouse 2: It's not home, but it'll do just fine.

Gorder: What a lovely bed.

Shrek: Got ya.

Gorder: [Sniffs] I found some cheese.

Shrek: Ow! [Grunts]

Gorder: Blah! Awful stuff.

Mouse 1: Is that you, Gorder?

Gorder: How did you know?

Shrek: Enough! What are you doing in my house? [Grunts] Hey!

[Snickers]

Shrek: Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.

Dwarf: Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.

Shrek: Huh? [Gasps]

Wolf: What?

Shrek: I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?

Wolf: Aah!

Shrek: Oh, no. No! No! Oh, no.

[Cackling]

[Cackling Continues]

Shrek: What?

Girl: Quit it. Don't push.

[Squeaking]

[Lows]

Shrek: What are you doing in my swamp? [Echoing] Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!

[Gasping]

Shrek: All right, get out of here. All of you, move it. Come on. Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.

[Sighs]

Donkey: Hey, don’t look at me. I didn't invite them.

Pinocchio: Gosh, no one invited us.

Shrek: What?

Pinocchio: We were forced to come here.

Shrek: By who?

Pig: Lord Farquaad. He huffed und he puffed und he singed an eviction notice.

Shrek: [Sighs] All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is.

[Murmuring]

Donkey: Oh, I do. I know where he is.

Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? Anyone?

Donkey: Me! Me! Oh! Oh! Pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!

Shrek: Okay, fine. Attention, all Fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, and get you all off my land and back where you came from!

[Cheering]

[Twittering]

[Cheering Continues]

Shrek: Oh! You! You're comin' with me.

Donkey: All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind, big-city adventure. I love it! ♪ On the road again. ♪ Sing it with me, Shrek. ♪ I can't wait to get in the road again. ♪

Shrek: What did I say about singing?

Donkey: Can I whistle?

Shrek: No.

Donkey: Can I hum it?

Shrek: All right. Hum it.

♪♪ [Humming]

[Gurgling]

[Coughing]

Farquaad: That's enough! He's ready to talk.

[Coughing]

Farquaad: [Laughing] [Clears Throat] Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!

Gingy: You're a monster.

Farquaad: I'm not the monster here, you are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me, where are the others?

Gingy: Eat me!

[Spits]

Farquaad: I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I'll--

Gingy: No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!

Farquaad: All right, then. Who's hiding them?

Gingy: Okay. I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?

Farquaad: The muffin man?

Gingy: The muffin man.

Farquaad: Yes. I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?

Gingy: Well, she's married to the muffin man.

Farquaad: The muffin man?

Gingy: The muffin man!

Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man.

[Door Opens]

Captain of the Guards: My lord! We found it.

Farquaad: Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.

[Man Grunting]

[Gasping]

Gingy: Oh.

Farquaad: Magic Mirror.

Gingy: Don't tell him anything! No!

Farquaad: Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of all?

Mirror: Well, technically you're not a king.

Farquaad: Uh, Thelonius. You were saying

Mirror: What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.

Farquaad: Go on.

Mirror: [Chuckles] So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome, Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! And last, but certainly not the least, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead, from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But, don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! So will it be, bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two, or bachelorette number three?

Guards: Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!

Farquaad: Three? One? [Shudders] Three?

Thelonius: Three! Pick number three, my lord!

Farquaad: Okay, okay, uh, Number three!

Mirror: Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.

[♪ Escape By Rupert Holmes Playing]

Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you like piña coladas. And getting caught in the rain. ♪

Farquaad: Princess Fiona.

Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you're not into yoga. ♪

Farquaad: She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go--

Mirror: But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.

Farquaad: I'll do it.

Mirror: Yes, but after sunset.

Farquaad: Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.

Donkey: But that's it. That's it right there. That's Duloc. I told ya I'd find it.

Shrek: So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.

Donkey: Uh-huh. That's the place.

Shrek: Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? [Laughs]

Donkey: [Groans] Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.

Man: Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.

Shrek: Hey, you!

[Screams]

Shrek: Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. I just-- I just--

[Whimpering]

[Sighs]

[Whimpering, Groans]

[Turnstile Clatters]

[Chuckles]

[Sighs]

♪♪ [Instrumental Music]

Shrek: It's quiet. Too quiet.

[Creaking]

Shrek: Where is everybody?

Donkey: Hey, look at this!

[Clattering, Whirring, Clicking]

[Clicking]

[Clicking Quickens]

Clockwork Chorus: ♪ Welcome to Duloc such a perfect town. Here was have some rules, let us lay them down. Don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine, Duloc is a perfect place. Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your... face. Duloc is, Duloc is, Duloc is a perfect place! ♪

[Camera Shutter Clicks]

Bestie..- 😀

[localvoidcat]

:)

Shrek: "Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from the dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss." [Laughing] Like that's ever gonna happen.[Paper Rustling, Toilet Flushes]Shrek: What a load of--[Toilet Door slams]Shrek hops out his outhouse and his routine like taking a mud shower and farting in his pool.[♪ All-Star By Smash Mouth Playing]Steve Harwell: ♪ Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead. The years start comin', and they don't stop comin', fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin', didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with takin' the backstreets. You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder, you're bundled up now, but wait till you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ judging by the hole in the satellite picture. The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin, the water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire, how 'bout yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. Hey, now, you're an all-star. ♪[Shouting]Steve Harwell: ♪ Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪[Belches]Villagers: Go! Go![Record Scrating]Steve Harwell: ♪ Go. Go. Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪Villagers: Think it's in there? All right! Let's get it!Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing could do to you?Villager 2: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.Shrek: [Laughs] Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres-- they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.Villager 3: No!Shrek: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.Villager 3: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya![Gasping]Villager 3: Right.[Roaring][Shouting][Roaring][Roaring Continues][Shouting Continues]Shrek: [Whispers] This is the part where you run away.[Gasping]Shrek: [Laughs] [Laughing] And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." [Sighs]Guard 1: All right. This one's full. Take it away![Gasps]Guard 2: Move it along. Come on. Get up!Captain of the Guards: Next!Guard 3: Give me that! Your flying days are over.Captain of the Guards: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next.Guard 4: Get up!Captain of the Guards: Twenty pieces.Guard 5: Come on![Thudding]Guard 6: Sit down there! Keep quiet!Bear: [Crying] This cage is too small.Donkey: Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!Old Lady: Oh, shut up!Donkey: Oh!Captain of the Guards: Next! What have you got?Geppetto: This little wooden puppet.Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.Captain of the Guards: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.Pinocchio: Father, please! Don't let them do this!Captain of the Guards: Next.Pinocchio: Help me!Captain of the Guards: What have you got?Old Lady: Well, I've got a talking donkey.[Grunts]Captain of the Guards: Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.Old Lady: Oh, go ahead, little fella.Captain of the Guards: Well?Old Lady: Oh, oh, he's just-- He's just a little

nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt--Captain of the Guards: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!Old Lady: No, no, he talks! He does. [Moves Donkey’s lips] I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.Captain of the Guards: Get her out of my sight.Old Lady: No, no! I swear. Oh! He can talk!Donkey: [Gasps] Hey, I can fly!Peter Pan: He can fly!Pigs: He can fly!Captain of the Guards: He can talk!Donkey: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking, donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Uh-oh.Captain of the Guards: Seize him!Guard 7: After him! He's getting away![Grunts, Gasps]Guard 8: Get him! This way! Turn!Captain of the Guards: You there. Ogre!Shrek: Aye?Captain of the Guards: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest, and transport you to a designated, resettlement facility.Shrek: Oh, really? You and what army?[Gasps, Whimpering]Donkey: [Chuckles] Can I say somethin' to you? Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible!Shrek: Are you talkin' to-- me? Whoa!Donkey: Yes, I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you was great back there? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, then bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babies in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.Shrek: Oh, that's great. Really.Donkey: Man, it's good to be free.Shrek: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?Donkey: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.[Roaring]Donkey: Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time-- [Mumbling] Then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day.Shrek: Why are you following me?Donkey: I'll tell you why. ♪ 'Cause I'm all alone. There's no one here beside me. My problems have all gone, there's no one to deride me. But you gotta have friends-- ♪Shrek: Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.Donkey: Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.Shrek: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?Donkey: Uh-- Really tall?Shrek: No! I'm an ogre. You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you?Donkey: Nope.Shrek: Really?Donkey: Really, really.Shrek: Oh.Donkey: Man, I like you. What's your name?Shrek: Uh, Shrek.Donkey: Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that?Shrek: That would be my home.Donkey: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you?Shrek: I like my privacy.Donkey: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. You know? Can I stay with you?Shrek: Uh, what?Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please?Shrek: Of course!Donkey: Really?Shrek: No.Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But, that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!Shrek: Okay! Okay! But one night only.Donkey: Ah! Thank you!Shrek: What are you-- No. No.Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles.Shrek: Oh!Donkey: Where do,

uh, I sleep?Shrek: Outside!Donkey: Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, I guess outside is best. [Sniffles] Here I go. Good night. [Sighs] I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself. Outside, I guess. You know. By myself. Outside. ♪ I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. ♪[Bubbling][Sighs][Creaking]Shrek: [Sighs] I thought I told you to stay outside?Donkey: I am outside.[Clattering][Clattering]Mouse 1: Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?Mouse 2: It's not home, but it'll do just fine.Gorder: What a lovely bed.Shrek: Got ya.Gorder: [Sniffs] I found some cheese.Shrek: Ow! [Grunts]Gorder: Blah! Awful stuff.Mouse 1: Is that you, Gorder?Gorder: How did you know?Shrek: Enough! What are you doing in my house? [Grunts] Hey![Snickers]Shrek: Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.Dwarf: Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.Shrek: Huh? [Gasps]Wolf: What?Shrek: I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?Wolf: Aah!Shrek: Oh, no. No! No! Oh, no.[Cackling][Cackling Continues]Shrek: What?Girl: Quit it. Don't push.[Squeaking][Lows]Shrek: What are you doing in my swamp? [Echoing] Swamp? Swamp? Swamp?[Gasping]Fairies: Oh, dear!Dwarf: Whoa!Shrek: All right, get out of here. All of you, move it. Come on. Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!Dwarf: Quickly. Come on!Shrek: No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.Dwarf: Oh![Sighs]Donkey: Hey, don’t look at me. I didn't invite them.Pinocchio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us.Shrek: What?Pinocchio: We were forced to come here.Shrek: By who?Pig: Lord Farquaad. He huffed und he puffed und he... singed an eviction notice.Shrek: [Sighs] All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is.[Murmuring]Donkey: Oh, I do. I know where he is.Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?Donkey: Me! Me!Shrek: Anyone?Donkey: Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!Shrek: Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, and get you all off my land and back where you came from![Cheering][Twittering][Cheering Continues]Shrek: Oh! You! You're comin' with me.Donkey: All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! ♪ On the road again. ♪ Sing it with me, Shrek.Dwarf: Hey. Oh, oh!Donkey: ♪ I can't wait to get in the road again. ♪Shrek: What did I say about singing?Donkey: Can I whistle?Shrek: No.Donkey: Can I hum it?Shrek: All right, hum it.♪♪ [Humming][Gurgling][Coughing]Farquaad: That's enough! He's ready to talk.[Coughing]Farquaad: [Laughing] [Clears Throat] Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!Gingy: You're a monster.Farquaad: I'm not the monster here, you are! You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me, where are the others!?Gingy: Eat me![Spits]Farquaad: I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I'll--Gingy: No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!Farquaad: All right, then. Who's hiding them?Gingy: Okay. I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?Farquaad: The muffin man?Gingy: The muffin man.Farquaad: Yes. I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?Gingy: Well, she's married to the muffin man.Farquaad: The muffin man?Gingy: The muffin man!Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man.[Door Opens]Captain of the Guards: My lord! We found it.Farquaad: Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.[Man Grunting][Gasping]Gingy: Oh!Farquaad: Magic Mirror.Gingy: Don't tell him anything! No!Farquaad: Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of all?Mirror: Well, technically you're not a king.Farquaad: Uh, Thelonius. You were saying?Mirror: What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.Farquaad: Go

on.Mirror: [Chuckles] So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! And last, but certainly not the least, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead, from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But, don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! So will it be, bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?Guards: Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!Farquaad: Three? One? [Shudders] Three?Thelonius: Three! Pick number three, my lord!Farquaad: Okay, okay, uh, number three!Mirror: Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.[♪ Escape By Rupert Holmes Playing]Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you like piña coladas. And getting caught in the rain. ♪Farquaad: Princess Fiona.Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you're not into yoga. ♪Farquaad: She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go--Mirror: But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.Farquaad: I'll do it.Mirror: Yes, but after sunset.Farquaad: Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.Donkey: But that's it. That's it right there. That's Duloc. I told ya I'd find it.Shrek: So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.Donkey: Uh-huh. That's the place.Shrek: Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? [Laughs]Donkey: [Groans] Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.Man: Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.Shrek: Hey, you![Screams]Shrek: Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. I just-- I just--[Whimpering][Sighs][Whimpering, Groans][Turnstile Clatters][Chuckles][Sighs]♪♪ [Instrumental Music]Shrek: It's quiet. Too quiet.[Creaking]Shrek: Where is everybody?Donkey: Hey, look at this![Clattering, Whirring, Clicking][Clicking][Clicking Quickens]Clockwork Chorus: ♪ Welcome to Duloc such a perfect town. Here was have some rules, let us lay them down. Don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine, Duloc is a perfect place. Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your... face. Duloc is, Duloc is, Duloc is a perfect place! ♪[Camera Shutter Clicks][Whirring]Donkey: Wow! Let's do that again!Shrek: No. No. No, no, no! No.[Trumpet Fanfare][Crowd Cheering]Farquaad: Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land.[Donkey Humming]Farquaad: Today one of you shall prove himself--Shrek: All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.Donkey: Sorry about that.[Cheering]Farquaad: That champion shall have the honor-- no, no-- the privilege, to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona, from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place, and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.[Cheering]Farquaad: Let the tournament begin![Gasps]Knight 1: Oh!Farquaad: What is that?[Gasping]Farquaad: It's hideous!Shrek: Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.Donkey: Huh?Farquaad: Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!Knight 2: Get him!Shrek: Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.Woman: Go ahead! Get him!Shrek: Can't we just settle this over a pint?Knight 3: Kill the beast!Shrek: No? All right then. Come on![♪ Bad Reputation By Joan Jett Playing]Halfcocked: ♪ I don't give a damn about my reputation. You're living in the past, it's a new generation. ♪Knight 4: Damn![Whinnying]Halfcocked: ♪ A girl can do

what she wants to do, and that's what I'm gonna do. And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. ♪Donkey: Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Never said I wanted to improve my station. ♪Shrek: Ah! [Laughs]Halfcocked: ♪ And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun. ♪Shrek: Yeah!Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't have to please no one. ♪Wrestling Fan: The chair! Give him the chair!Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. Oh, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me. Not me. ♪[Bell Dings][Cheering]Shrek: [Laughs] Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha![Shrek Laughs][Crowd Gasping, Murmuring]Guard 9: Shall I give the order, sir?Farquaad: No, I have a better idea. People of Duloc! I give you our champion!Shrek: What?Farquaad: Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest.Shrek: Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp back.Farquaad: Your swamp?Shrek: Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures![Crowd Murmuring]Farquaad: Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back.Shrek: Exactly the way it was?Farquaad: Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.Shrek: And the squatters?Farquaad: As good as gone.Shrek: What kind of quest?Donkey: Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon, and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?Shrek: You know what? Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.Donkey: I don't get it, Shrek. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.Shrek: Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village, and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?Donkey: Uh, no, not really, no.Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.Donkey: Example?Shrek: Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions.Donkey: [Sniffs] They stink?Shrek: Yes-- No!Donkey: They make you cry?Shrek: No!Donkey: You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.Shrek: No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. [Sighs]Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. [Sniffs] You know, not everybody likes onions. Cakes! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.Shrek: I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres. Are not. Like cakes.Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Hey, let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.Donkey: Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole dang planet.Shrek: You know, I think preferred your humming.Donkey: Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering.[♪ I'm On My Way By The Proclaimers Playing]The Proclaimers: ♪ I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And everything that you receive up yonder is what you give to me the day I wander, I'm on my way. I'm on my way. I'm on my way. ♪Donkey: Ooh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything.Shrek: Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. [Sniffs] It's brimstone. We must be getting close.Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone

either.[Rumbling]Shrek: Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. [Laughing]Donkey: Shrek? Remember when you said ogres have layers?Shrek: Oh, aye.Donkey: Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.Shrek: Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.Donkey: You know what I mean.Shrek: You can't tell me you're afraid of heights?Donkey: No, I'm just a little uncomfortable being on a rickety over a boiling lake of lava!Shrek: Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay. For emotional support. We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time.Donkey: Really?Shrek: Really, really.Donkey: Okay, that makes me feel so much better.Shrek: Just keep moving. And don't look down.Donkey: Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. [Gasps] Shrek! I'm lookin' down! God, I can't do this! Just let me off right now. Please.Shrek: But you're already halfway.Donkey: But I know that half is safe!Shrek: Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.Donkey: Shrek, no! Wait!Shrek: Donkey-- Let's have a dance then, shall we?Donkey: Don't do that!Shrek: Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this?Donkey: Yes, that!Shrek: This? This, do it. Okay.Donkey: [Screams] No, Shrek! No! Stop it!Shrek: You said do it. I'm doin' it.Donkey: I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!Shrek: That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.Donkey: Cool. So, where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.Donkey: [Chuckles] I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.[Water Dripping][Wind Howling]Donkey: [Donkey Whispering] You afraid?Shrek: No, but-- Shh.Donkey: Oh, good. Me neither. [Gasps] 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared, you know what I mean. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. [Gasps]Shrek: Donkey, two things, okay? Shut... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs.Donkey: Stairs? I thought I was lookin' for the princess.Shrek: The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.Donkey: What makes it you think she'll be there?Shrek: I read it in a book once.Donkey: Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'.[Creaking]Donkey: I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right here. I'd step all over it.Shrek: Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the--?Donkey: Dragon! [Screams] [Gasps][Roars]Shrek: Donkey, look out! [Screams][Screams][Whimpering]Shrek: Got ya![Roars][Gasps]Shrek: [Shouts] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [Screaming]Donkey: [Gasps] Oh! Aah! Aah! [Gasping][Growls]Donkey: No. Oh, no. No! [Screams] Oh, what large teeth you have.[Growls]Donkey: I mean, I mean, white sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're-- You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. 'Cause, you're just reeking a feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ooh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm, uh-- [Coughs] I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. Shrek! [Gasps] [Whimpering] No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek![Groans, Sighs]♪♪ [Chorus Vocalizing]♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]Fiona: Oh! Oh!Shrek in Armor: Wake up!Fiona: What?Shrek in Armor: Are you Princess Fiona?Fiona: I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.Shrek in Armor: Oh, that's nice. Now, let's go!Fiona: But,

wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?Shrek in Amror: Yeah. Sorry, lady. There's no time.Fiona: Hey, wait. What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet, out yonder window, and down a rope onto your valiant steed.Shrek in Armor: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?Fiona: Mm-hmm. [Screams, Grunts] But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!Shrek in Armor: I don't think so.Fiona: Can I at least know the name of my champion?Shrek: Um, Shrek.Fiona: Sir Shrek. [Clears Throat] I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.Shrek in Armor: Thanks.[Roaring]Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon?Shrek in Armor: It's on my to-do list. Now, come on!Fiona: [Screams] But this isn't right! You’re meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying! That's what all the other knights did!Shrek in Armor: Yeah, right before they burst into flame!Fiona: You know, that's not the point! Oh! Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there.Shrek in Armor: Well, I have to save my ass.Fiona: What kind of knight are you?Shrek in Armor: One of the kind.Donkey: Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. [Laughs] I don't to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this-- Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude-- Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or maybe his pen pals. 'Cause I'm the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards, and-- I'd really love to stay, but-- Hey, hey, hey! Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal ail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission to-- Wait. What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no! No! Oh![Growls][Roars][Roaring][Gasps]Donkey: Hi, Princess!Fiona: It talks!Shrek in Armor: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!Donkey: Shrek! [Screams] [Screaming]Shrek: Oh![Thuds][Groans][Shrek Groans][Roars][Roars][Roaring][Roars]Shrek in Armor: Okay, you two! Head for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. [Echoing] Run![Gasping][Screaming][Screams][Roars][Panting, Sighs][Whimpers][Roars][Roars, Whimpers][Dragon Growling In The Distance]Fiona: You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. You're-- You're wonderful. You're... A little unorthodox, I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.[Clears Throat]Fiona: And where would be a brave knight be without his noble steed?Donkey: All right, I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a noble steed.Fiona: [Fiona Laughs] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.Shrek in Armor: Uh, no.Fiona: Why not?Shrek: I have helmet hair.Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.Shrek in Armor: No, no, you wouldn't'st.Fiona: But, how will you kiss me?Shrek in Armor: What? That job wasn't in the job description.Donkey: Maybe it's a perk.Fiona: No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon, is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss.Donkey: Hmm? With Shrek? You think-- Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is your true love?Fiona: Well, yes.[Laughing][Laughing]Donkey: You think Shrek is your true love!Fiona: What is so funny?Shrek in Armor: Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?Fiona: Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now-- Now remove your helmet.Shrek in Amror: Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.Fiona: Just take off the helmet.Shrek in Amror: I'm not going to.Fiona: Take it off.Shrek in Amror: No!Fiona: Now!Shrek in Armor: Okay! Easy. As you command, Your Highness.Fiona: You-- You're-- an ogre.Shrek: Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.Fiona: Well, yes,

actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre.Shrek: Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay. He's the one who wants to marry you.Fiona: Then why didn't he come to rescue me?Shrek: Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.Fiona: But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some ogre and his pet.Donkey: So much for noble steed.Shrek: You're not making my job any easier.Fiona: I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here.Shrek: Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.Fiona: You wouldn't dare. Put me down!Shrek: Ya comin', Donkey?Donkey: I'm right behind ya.Fiona: Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! [Screams]Donkey: Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right? But you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten?Fiona: You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your-- Hey! [Sighs] The sooner we get to Duloc the better.Donkey: Oh, yeah. You're gonna love it there, Princess? It's beautiful!Fiona: And my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?Shrek: Well, let me put this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's standards are in short supply. [Laughs]Donkey: I don't know, Shrek. There are those who think little of him.[Both Laughing]Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.Shrek: Maybe. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow.Fiona: Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?Shrek: No, that'll take longer.Fiona: But there's robbers in the woods.Donkey: Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping is definitely startin' to sound good.Shrek: Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest.Fiona: I need to find somewhere to camp now![Bird Wings Fluttering]Shrek: [Grunting] Hey! Over here.Donkey: Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess.Fiona: No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.Shrek: Homey touches? Like what?[Crashing]Fiona: A door. Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.Donkey: You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.Fiona: I said, good night!Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing?Shrek: [Laughs] I just-- You know-- Oh, come on. I was just kidding.[Fire Crackling]Shrek: And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields.Donkey: Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?Shrek: The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.Donkey: I know you're making this up.Shrek: No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench.Donkey: Man, that ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.Shrek: Sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it.Donkey: [Sighs] Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?Shrek: Our swamp?Donkey: You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.Shrek: We? Donkey, there is no "we." There's no "our." There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land.Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out.Shrek: No. Do ya think?Donkey: Are you hidin' something?Shrek: Never mind, Donkey.Donkey: Oh! This is another one of those onion things, isn't it?Shrek: No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it-alone things.Donkey: Why don't you want to talk about it?Shrek: Why do you always want to?Donkey: Why are you blocking?Shrek: I'm not blocking.Donkey: Yes, you are.Shrek: Donkey, I'm warning you.Donkey: Who you trying to keep out?Shrek: Everyone! Okay?Donkey: Now we're gettin' somewhere.Shrek: Oh! For

the love of Pete!Donkey: What's your problem? What you got against the whole world?Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" [Sighs] They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.Donkey: You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre.Shrek: Yeah, I know.Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.Donkey: Okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?Shrek: That's the moon.Donkey: Oh, okay.♪♪ [Orchestra]♪♪ [Dulcimer]Farquaad: Again. Show me again.[Music Stops, Rewinds]Farquaad: Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess.Mirror: Hmph.[Rewinds, Resumes]Farquaad: Ah. Perfect. [Inhales][Snoring]♪♪ [Vocalizing]♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]♪♪ [Whistling]♪♪ [Whistling Continues]♪♪ [Vocalizes]♪♪ [Whistles]♪♪ [Vocalizes]♪♪ [Whistles]♪♪ [Vocalizing]♪♪ [Whistling]♪♪ [Vocalizing, High-pitched]♪♪ [Whistling, High-pitched]♪♪ [Continues][Sizzling][Sniffs, Yawns]Shrek: Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.Donkey: Come on, baby. I said I like it.Shrek: Donkey, wake up.Donkey: Huh? What?Shrek: Wake up.Donkey: What?Fiona: Good morning. How do you like your eggs?Donkey: Good morning, Princess!Shrek: What's all this about?Fiona: We kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. After all, you did rescue me.Shrek: Uh, thanks.[Sniffs]Fiona: Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.[Belches]Donkey: Shrek!Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. [Laughs]Donkey: Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.[Belches]Fiona: Thanks.Donkey: She's as nasty as you are.Shrek: [Laughs] You know, you're not exactly what I expected.Fiona: Maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. [Vocalizing]Monsieur Hood: La liberte! Hey!Shrek: Princess?[Laughs]Fiona: What are you doing?Monsieur Hood: Be still, cherie, for I am your savior! And I am rescuing you from this green [Kissing Sounds] beast.Shrek: Hey! That's my princess. Go find your own!Monsieur Hood: Please, monsters! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?Fiona: Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are!Monsieur Hood: Oh! Of course! How rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men! [Laughs]♪♪ [Accordion]Merry Men: ♪ Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo! ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ I steal from the rich and give to the needy. ♪Man: ♪ He takes a wee percentage. ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels. Man, I'm good. ♪Merry Men: ♪ What a guy, Monsieur Hood! ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ Break it down. I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid. ♪Merry Men: ♪ What he's basically saying is he likes to get-- ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ Paid. ♪Merry Men: ♪ So. ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad. ♪Merry Men: ♪ That's bad. ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad. ♪Merry Men: ♪ He's mad. He's really, really mad. ♪Monsieur Hood: ♪ I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart. Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start! ♪[Tarzan Yell][Grunts, Groans][Karate Yell][Merry Men Gasping]Fiona: [Panting] Man, that was annoying!Man: Oh, you little--[Karate Yell]♪♪ [Accordion][Tarzan woman yell][Shouting, Groaning][Tarzan woman yells about 3 times][Groaning]Fiona: [Chuckles] Um, shall we?Shrek: Hold the phone.[Grunts]Shrek: Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?Fiona: What?Shrek: That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?Fiona: Well-- [Chuckles] When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a-- There's an arrow in your butt!Shrek: What? Oh, would you look at that?Fiona: Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.Donkey: Why? What's wrong?Fiona: Shrek's hurt.Donkey: Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.Shrek: Donkey, I'm okay.Donkey: Oh, you can't do this to me. I'm too young for you to die. Keep your

legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich?Fiona: Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns.Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Okay. I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die, Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!Shrek: Donkey!Donkey: Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.Shrek: What are the flowers for?Fiona: For getting rid of Donkey.Shrek: Ah.Fiona: Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.Shrek: Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.Fiona: I'm sorry, but it has to come out.Shrek: No, it's tender. Now, hold on. What you're doing is the opposite of help.Fiona: Don't move.Shrek: Look, time out.Fiona: Would you-- [Grunts] Okay. What do you propose we do?Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns.Shrek: Ow!Donkey: Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!Shrek: Ow! Not good.Fiona: Okay. Okay, I can nearly see the head.[Grunts]Fiona: It's just about--Shrek: Ow! Ohh!Donkey: Ahem.Shrek: Nothing happened. We were just, uh--Donkey: Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was as, okay.Shrek: Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind! The princess here was just-- Ugh! Ow!Donkey: Hey, what's that? [Nervous Chuckle] That's-- Is that blood? [Sighs][Bird Chirping][♪ My Beloved Monster By Eels Playing][Grunts]Eels: ♪ My beloved monster and me. We go everywhere together. Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves, gets us through all kinds of weather. ♪Donkey: Aah!Eels: ♪ She will always be the only thing. That comes between me and the awful sting. That comes from living in the world that's so damn mean. ♪[Croaks]Eels: ♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh. ♪Fiona: Hey!Eels: ♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la. ♪[Both Laughing]Eels: La-la, la-la, la-la.Shrek: There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.Fiona: That's Duloc?Donkey: Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really-- Ow!Shrek: Um, I, uh-- I guess we better move one.Fiona: Sure. But, Shrek? I'm-- I'm worried about Donkey.[Blubbering]Shrek: What?Fiona: I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.Donkey: What are you talking about? I'm fine.Fiona: That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead.Shrek: You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?Fiona: I'll make you some tea.Donkey: I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look. [Bones Crunch] Ow! See?Shrek: Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.Fiona: I'll get the firewood.Donkey: Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug.Fiona: Mmm. Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?Shrek: Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.Fiona: No kidding.Shrek: Well, this is delicious. Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. [Chuckling]Donkey: [Sighs] I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.Shrek: [Gulps] Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare-- you name it.Fiona: [Chuckles] I'd like that.[Slurps, Laughs]Donkey: ♪ See the pyramids along the Nile. ♪Shrek: Um, Princess?Donkey: ♪ Watch the sunrise from a tropical isle. ♪Fiona: Yes, Shrek?Shrek: I, um, I was wondering.Donkey: ♪ Just remember, darling all the while. ♪Shrek: Are you--Donkey: You belong to me.Shrek: [Sighs] Are you gonna eat that?[Chuckles]Donkey: Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.Fiona: Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.Shrek: What?Donkey: Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you?Fiona: Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.Donkey: Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until-- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid

of the dark.[Shrek Sighs]Fiona: Good night.Shrek: Good night.[Door Creaks]Donkey: Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.Shrek: Oh, what are you talkin' about?Donkey: I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. I know two were diggin' in each other. I could feel it.Shrek: You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.Donkey: Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel.Shrek: I-- There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know-- and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't-- she's a princess, and I'm--Donkey: An ogre?Shrek: Yeah. An ogre.Donkey: Hey, where you goin'?Shrek: To get... more firewood. [Sighs]Donkey: Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?[Wings Fluttering]Donkey: Princess?[Creaking]Donkey: [Gasps] It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.[Screams]Donkey: Aah!Fiona: Oh, no!Donkey: No, help!Fiona: Shh!Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!Fiona: No, it's okay. It's okay.Donkey: What did you do with the princess?Fiona: Donkey, I'm the princess.Donkey: Aah!Fiona: It's me, in this body.Donkey: Oh, my God! You ate the princess! Can you hear me?Fiona: Donkey!Donkey: Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!Fiona: No!Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!Fiona: Shh.Donkey: Shrek!Fiona: This is me.Donkey: [Muffled Mumbling] Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.Fiona I'm ugly, okay?Donkey: Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now--Fiona: No. I-- I've been this way as long as I can remember.Donkey: What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.Fiona: It only happens when the sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm, until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form."Donkey: Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.Fiona: It's a spell. [Sighs] When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow, before the sun sets and he sees me, like this. [Sobs]Donkey: All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.Fiona: But, Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look.Donkey: Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?Fiona: I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.Donkey: But, you know, um, you're kind of an ogre, and Shrek-- well, you got a lot in common.Fiona: Shrek?Shrek: Princess, I-- Uh, how's going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and-- well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd-- uh, uh-- [Sighs] I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.Fiona: I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.[Deep Sigh]Fiona: Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell.Donkey: You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.Fiona: No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.Donkey: What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?Fiona: Promise you won't tell. Promise!Donkey: All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'.[Door Opens][Snoring]Fiona: I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want--[Snoring]Fiona: Shrek. Are you all right?Shrek: Perfect! Never been better.Fiona: I-- I don't-- There's

something I have to tell you.Shrek: You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night.Fiona: You heard what I said?Shrek: Every word.Fiona: I thought you'd understand.Shrek: Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?"Fiona: But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.Shrek: Yeah? Well, it does.[Gasps, Sighs]Shrek: Ah, right on time.[Horse Whinnies]Shrek: Princess, I've brought you a little something.♪♪ [Fanfare]Donkey: [Yawns] What'd I miss? What'd I miss? [Muffled] Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.Farquaad: Princess Fiona.Shrek: As promised. Now hand it over.Farquaad: Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, ad agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have ever seen such a radiant beauty before. I am Lord Farquaad.Fiona: Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying, a short, farewell.Farquaad: That's so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings.Fiona: No, you're right. It doesn't.Farquaad: Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage.[Gasps]Farquaad: Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?Fiona: Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make.Farquaad: Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!Fiona: No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets.Farquaad: Oh, anxious, are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests!Fiona: Fare-thee-well, ogre.Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.Shrek: Yeah? So what?Donkey: Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night. She's--Shrek: I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?Donkey: Shrek, I-- I wanna go with you.Shrek: I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!Donkey: But I thought--Shrek: Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong!Donkey: Shrek.[♪ Hallelujah By John Cale Playing]John Cale: ♪ I heard there was a secret chord, that David played, and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music, do ya? It goes like this the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall the major lift. The baffled king composing hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. Baby, I've been here before, I know this room I've walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch, but love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's broken hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. And all I ever learned from love is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you. ♪[Moaning]John Cale: ♪ And it's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah. ♪[Moaning]John Cale: ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. ♪[Thumping Sound]Shrek: Donkey?[Grunts]Shrek: What are you doing?Donkey: I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one.Shrek: Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it.Donkey: It is. Around your half. See, that's your half, and this is my half.Shrek: Oh! Your half. Hmm.Donkey: Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head.Shrek: Back off!Donkey: No, you back off.Shrek: This is my swamp!Donkey: Our swamp.Shrek: Let go, Donkey!Donkey: You let go.Shrek: Stubborn jackass!Donkey: Smelly ogre.Shrek: Fine!Donkey: Hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.Shrek: Well, I'm through with you.Donkey: Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me

and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.Shrek: Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?Donkey: Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!Shrek: Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you, for stabbin' me in the back!Donkey: Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings.Shrek: Go away!Donkey: There you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you.Shrek: Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking.Donkey: She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else.Shrek: She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?Donkey: Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right?Shrek: Donkey!Donkey: No!Shrek: Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?Donkey: Hmph.Shrek: [Sighs] I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me?Donkey: Hey, that's what friends are for, right?Shrek: Right. Friends?Donkey: Friends.Shrek: So, um, what did Fiona say about me?Donkey: What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?Shrek: The wedding! We'll never make it in time.Donkey: Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where there's a will, there's a way, and I have a way. [Whistles]Shrek: Donkey?[Donkey Laughing]Donkey: I guess it's just an animal magnetism.Shrek: [Laughing] Aw, come here, you.Donkey: All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. [Donkey Laughing] Whoo![Bells Tolling][All Gasping]Bishop: People of Duloc, we gather here today, to bear witness, to the union...Fiona: Um-- of our now king--Bishop: Excuse me.Fiona: Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?Farquaad: [Chuckling] Go on.Donkey: Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you?Shrek: What are you talking about?Donkey: There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"Shrek: I don't have time for this!Donkey: Wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you?Shrek: Yes.Donkey: You wanna hold her?Shrek: Yes.Donkey: Please her?Shrek: Yes!Donkey: ♪ Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. ♪ The chicks love that romantic crap!Shrek: All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?Donkey: We gotta check it out.[Donkey Grunting]Bishop: And so, by the power vested in me...Shrek: What do you see?Donkey: The whole town's in there.Bishop: ...I now pronounce you husband and wife...Donkey: They're at the altar.Bishop: ...king and queen.Donkey: Mother Fletcher! He already said it.Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete![Grunts]Shrek: I object!Fiona: Shrek?[Gasps]Farquaad: Oh, now what does he want?[Crowd Clamoring]Shrek: Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean.Fiona: What are you doing here?Farquaad: Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding--Shrek: Fiona! I need to talk to you.Fiona: Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me--Shrek: But you can't marry him.Fiona: And why not?Shrek: Because-- Because he's just marrying you so he can be king.Farquaad: Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.Shrek: He's not your true love.Fiona: And what do you know about true love?Shrek: Well, I-- Uh-- I mean--Farquaad: Oh, this is precious. [Chuckling] The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord.[Crowd Laughing]Farquaad: An ogre and a princess! [Laughing Continues]Fiona: Shrek, is this true?Farquaad: Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmm!Fiona: "By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.[Whimpers][Crowd Gasping]Shrek: Well, uh, that explains a

lot.Farquaad: Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both!Fiona: No, no! Shrek!Farquaad: This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See?Fiona: No, let go of me, Shrek!Shrek: No!Farquaad: Don't just stand there, you morons.Shrek: Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!Farquaad: I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you!Fiona: No! Shrek!Farquaad: And as for you, my wife,Shrek: Fiona!Farquaad: I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I am king![Whistles]Farquaad: I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have-- Aaah! Aah!Donkey: All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it.[Dragon Roars]Donkey: I'm a donkey on the edge![Belches]Donkey: [Donkey Laughs] Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?[Cheering]Donkey: Go ahead, Shrek.Shrek: Uh, Fiona?Fiona: Yes, Shrek?Shrek: I-- I love you.Fiona: Really?Shrek: Really, really.Fiona: I love you too.All: Aawww!Fiona: "Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form." [Echoing] [Echoing Continues] "Take love's true from. Take love's true form."Shrek: Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?Fiona: Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.Shrek: But you are beautiful.[Chuckles]Donkey: I was hoping would be a happy ending.[♪ I'm A Believer By Smash Mouth Playing]Steve Harwell: ♪ I thought love was only true in fairy tales. ♪All: Oy!Steve Harwell: ♪ Meant for someone else but not for me. Love was out to get me, that's the way it seemed, disappointment haunted all my dreams. And then I saw her face. Now I'm a believer. And not a trace. Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. ♪Choir: ♪ Ohh-ahh. ♪Steve Harwell: ♪ I'm a believer I couldn't leaver her if I tried. ♪Gingy: God bless us, every one.Donkey: Come on, y'all! ♪ Then I saw her face. ♪ Ha-ha! ♪ Now I'm a believer. ♪ Listen! Not a trace. ♪ Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. Ooh-ahh. I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried. ♪Mice: Ooh! Uh!Donkey: ♪ Then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer! Hey! Not a trace. Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind. One more time! I'm in love. I'm a believer. Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey! Y'all sing it with me! I believe! I believe! People in the back! I believe! ♪Smash Mouth: ♪ I'm a believer. ♪Donkey: ♪ I believe. I believe. I believe! ♪ [Hysterical Laughing] Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

[queer-takes]

Queer takes episode 3

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Alex: Hello everyone and welcome to the 3rd episode of Queer Takes! This episode is all about Halloween! Joining me is Sam as well as a special guest Jasper, of the blog @a-literal-shovel ! Hey guys!

Jasper: Hey!! I'm so glad to be here!!

Sam: And we're so happy to have you here!

Jasper: I feel honoured :D

Alex: Yeah thank you for joining us! For those of you who don't know, jasper designed our header.

Jasper: So, did y'all dress up for halloween this year?

Alex: Unfortunately because of COVID, I wasn't able to do much of anything this year. Did you?

Sam: No, not this time. I usually love halloween but with covid and my health problems, it was too much of a risk

Jasper: My little sister wanted to be the Scooby Gang, so we dressed up and went to my grand parent's to show them

Alex: That's so cool!

Sam: Aww that's adorable!

Jasper: I was Velma. If you look on my blog there's a bunch of posts lmao

Alex:Yeah I heard about that lol

Sam:Wait didn't you say something about femboy Velma?

Jasper: Yep, I was a secret femboy Velma

Alex: Nice!

Sam: Sounds amazing

Jasper: Yeah, it broke my dysphoria which was cool lmao.

Jasper: Do y'all have any "weird" halloween traditions?

Sam: I don't have a weird one but I watch Jennifer's body which is a horror movie every year

Jasper: That's cool!!

Alex: Not weird or anything out of the usual. We sit out on the driveway and give candy to the people who come by

Alex: What about you Jasper?

Jasper: We always take photos squatting, no matter the outfit or time of year. Also, we always watch Hocus Pokus before we go to bed

Sam: Ooh, that seems fun

Jasper: It is!

Alex: What's that movie about?

Jasper: So this kid is being an idiot and lights a candle, summoning these witched that were killed during the Salem Witch Trials, and then they have to try to banish them with the help of this cat Binx, which is actually the brother of one of the children that the Witches killed, and eventually they do, and it's one of my favourite movies.

Alex: Oooh that sounds very interesting!

Sam: Kids in movies are such idiots, I swear

Jasper: I know!!! It's a pretty good movie, you can rent it on Amazon Prime for like $3

Sam: Plus binx is a great cat name

Jasper: It is!! I named one of my plants after Binx lmao

Alex: The directors of the movies are probably trying to relate to people

Jasper: Maybe, but in every movie the characters are so dumb it's startling

Alex: Exactly

Sam: Like if there's a creepy noise, DON'T GO TOWARDS THE CREEPY NOISE

Alex: Don't hide in the house, get out of it and run awayyyy

Jasper: RIGHT???? You'd expect they'd have an IQ above room temperature and not go TOWARDS the scary things, or get the FRICK OFF OF THE FLOOR WHEN THEY FALL

Sam: If a huge mansion is surprisingly cheap and the person who sold it to you is sketchy, IT'S HAUNTED

Jasper: RIGHT???

Sam: How stupid can the characters really be?

Alex: How stupid are the people writing the scripts

Jasper: I don't know, but it's so funny and frustrating

Sam: Yeah like I'll be watching a horror movie and I'll just be screaming at the people the entire time

Jasper: I talk to them like I'm talking to a 4yo.

Sam: They have the mental capacity of a 4yo anyway

Alex: The real scary stuff is the minds of the characters instead of the actual scary stuff

Jasper:

Sam: YES

Jasper: Aren't people supposed to get smarter and make better decisions when they're scared?

Sam: Right??

Alex: Exactlyyyy

Jasper: so yeah lmao

Alex: Anything you guys are looking forward to this year?

Jasper: Thanksgiving

Sam: I'm looking forward to 2020 getting over

Jasper: BETTER ANSWER

Sam: But at the same time I'm scared 2021 will be worse

Alex: I've seen tumblr ads for an Infiniti car that's a 2022 model. They hate this year so much they're skipping 2021

Sam: HAHAHA

Jasper: 2020 part 2

Alex: Nooo

Sam: o h n o

Alex: And with that ominous note, that is all we have for this episode of Queer Takes! Thank you for joining us Jasper! And too all of you at home, thanks for watching!!

Alex: Any last words?

Jasper: Thank y'all for having me, this was so fun!!!

Sam: Thank you and now that halloween is over, MERRY CHRISTMAS

Jasper: NOOOOOO

*closing file*

*shutting down*

*TAPE FINISHED*

Thank you to everyone who tuned in and we hope you enjoyed! Happy halloween and see you next week!

[darkestdesired]

Moon child

Part 2

An:Finally after 3,00 years i finally finished this!! 😭😭

"What do you mean she knew?! She's a human!You're telling me an innocent fragile human 18 year old could have known what those bloodsuckers are without even Edward knowing?!" Sam yelled loud enough for everyone upstairs to hear.

Seth rubbed my back as he and i sat on the edge of my bed."Hey,it's gonna be ok." I shrugged."He seems really mad though..and i know it's my fault.I should have just kept my mouth shut." He looked to leah for support.She sighed and stood infront of me,"Look i know Sam,He'll yell a bit, but once he gets it out of his system he'll be fine." I winced as he yelled again,"It's alright,I'm used to being yelled at anyways."

Leah clenched her jaw as she saw me wince once more at the sound of the men yelling,"Ok nevermind,I'm over it." She stated before leaving the room.

"Shut up already!" She yelled as she entered the kitchen where Jacob and Sam stood with heated tension

Both men froze and turned towards her,"What did-" she cut Jacob off.

"No shut up,(Y/n) is up there shaking like a leaf talking about how used to yelling she is,Now if you two don't shut up and go up there and talk to her like fucking adults then i swear to our ancestors that i will rip you two apart!" They both stared at her with wide eyes before nodding.

"Good,now go." She pointed upstairs,stepping aside to let them pass.They both gave eachother a confused look before walking upstaires,"I'm the alpha and she..." Sam started,"Don't,She'll hear you.." Jacob elbowed him before they stopped in the doorway. Seth pulled me in for a gentle hug before standing once he noticed the two watching."You better make things right." He whispered to the men before walking past them downstairs.

Jacob sat beside me while Sam leaned against the window seal across from us."So who wants to start..?" Jacob asked looking between me and sam.There was a sigh from across from me,"I will,(Y/n)-" he started gruffly,but once he saw me flinch his voice softened immediately."(Y/n)...i'm sorry for freaking out on you i just...this world can be a very dangerous place and monsters like the cullens are the reason why." I played with a string on the blanket,still not ready to look at them yet. "But they aren't monsters...they were nothing but nice to me.If they really were monsters they had many chances to hurt me." Sam pinched the bridge of his nose,Jacob decided to pick up from there."That may be true,But what Sam meant was all of the bloodsuckers can be very very dangerous to the living,That's why we protect this town from them.And it had been going perfectly fine before the cullens moved here." Staying silent for a moment i took a shaky breath and looked up at them,"Then am i a monster too..?"

He rubbed soothing circles onto my back and whispered calming words to me until i fell asleep,he tried his best to bury me under the blankets before they both left the room. By the time Jacob had carefuly shut the door and turned sam had already stormed his way downstairs.

Sam furrowed his brow and was quick to kneel down on one knee before me,holding my hands in his."Absolutely not! Why would you ever think that?"

He could see that my eyes were beginning to water."My..My father always told me that i-I was nothing but a monster since my mom passed...And when he got remarried it only got worse.." Sam's grip on my hands tightened slightly,once a reassuring gesture was now a protective hold.Jacob rubbed my back gently,urging me to continue. "He told me that my mom was nothing but a disgusting witch and that i should have died with her.." Sam growled in anger standing up and turning away as to not frighten me more. 'If i ever get my hands on that disgusting bastard.' He thought clenching his fists until his knuckles turned white. Jacob put me on his lap and held me to his chest,only when my neck was buried in his chest did i allow the tears to fall.

"O-Oh hey (Y/n), i didn't even heard you come down." He stuttered traying to regain his composure. "Sorry..i got hungry.." My eyes were still red and puffy,my usually bright expression had now become the same deppressed look that i had first come with. 'Just when she was getting better.Damnit Sam.' He thought before smiling softly at me."How about i make you something to eat then? The others are at school and Emily is visiting my mom right now." I nodded,"And those wolves?" He knew exactly who i meant. "They uh..." He wanted to lie but he knew i wouldn't believe him."I have a feeling you already know..." I merely nodded."I knew since i met Sam at the diner, but i could tell you guys didn't want to tell me." He shook his head."No it's not that,we just wanted to protect you ,after everything you've been through we were afraid it might be too much.But after everything that's happened today i think we've already crossed that line." He rubbed his arm in embarrassment.

"I am going to find that bastard and rip him to shreds." Leah nodded in agreement, "And I'm all for it but how are we going to find him Sam,we can't exactly track him in town like this." Leah said rolling her eyes.

Sam raked his hands through his dark hair and shut his eyes tight.He absolutely hated what he was about to suggest. "We need to ask the bloodsuckers for help." Jacob crossed his arms,"Their not exactly the best trackers either Sam.They couldn't even find Victoria when she was in the woods nearby,who knows whether or not this guy already ditched town ." Leah shrugged."I agree but it's worth a shot,right? I don't like the cullens either,well Esme is tolerable,but they might be the best chance of catching this guy as quick as possible." Sam thought for a moment,"It's then decided,Seth you stay here with (Y/n).Leah,Jacob,with me." Running out of the house the three shifted before heading towards the treaty line. Seth watched for a moment before turning to head upstairs,He yelped when he saw me standing behind him with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders.

"Where did they go?" He debated lying again,"They...They went to ask they cullens for help.." I raised a brow,"With..?" He took a deep breath,"Finding your parents."

"They won't find them." I said walking to the kitchen table and sitting down."What do you mean?" I sighed."He and his wife had bags packed when they left me on that road...their long gone by now.." He watched me as i stared down at the table,tears freely fell down my face but i just looked so tired. He sat next to me and placed his hand over mine,"You're apart of our family now,Wether you like it or not." He smiled proudly when i let out a chuckle. "It feels nice..to be wanted..thank you.." He fought back tears himself but a few escaped when he smiled wider."You never have to thank me,you're stuck with me now." He pulled me into a hug,lifting me out of my seat and twirling me around like a goofball.When he finally let me down he ruffled my hair,content with the joyful smile that replaced the saddened frown."Now lets get you something to eat."

When the 3 wolves arrived at the treaty line they saw that Carlisle,Alice and Edward were waiting for them. Carlisle stepped forward,"Alice told us you would need us,What is your plan." Edward relayed to them everything the wolves had told him.He shared a look with Carlisle,"If we ask them..do you think they would actually help?" Edward asked. Carlisle sighed,"It is worth a shot,Demetri is the best tracker in the world.Plus Aro owes me a favor-" he was cut off by Sam's growling.Carlisle looked to Edward for answers,"He is upset that you would even think of asking the Volturi." Carlisle turned to the wolves,"They might be our best option of finding (Y/n)'s father,Demetri can find people that are across the entire planet by smelling them or something with their scent once.I would rather not involve them but i fear we do not have any other choice,Charlie reported that even the police cannot find any traces of her parents." The wolves growled at eachother.

"You can't honestly be thinking of agreeing Sam!" Leah hissed. "After everything the Volturi has done,whose to say they won't just decide to kill her instead." Jacob roared. "They won't,to them she's just a innocent human that doesn't know anything,they don't need to know anything else." Edward said to Sam. Hesitantly Sam nodded,"Don't make me regret this." He threatened.

It took 2 days for the letter to reach the Volturi,and it took 4 days for Alice to recieve a vision."Their coming." She said entering the living room where everyone was waiting. It was silent until Emmet asked the one question on everyones mind.

"Who did they send?"

Tags:

@casedoina @fandom-hoe101

@sugarbby99 @nabercnm @imaginesforthepeople @sadbean18 @nialeesato @zombieclown64 @min-bucky @nsainmoonchild @18crazybutcutealsopsycho @thatartkid101 @darkunderworldqueen @my-suga-kookies

[dukereviewsxtra]

Duke's Monsterween: Hocus Pocus

Hello, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome Back To Duke's Monsterween...

Where Today On Duke Reviews Xtra We Start Our Halloween Look At Disney...

By Talking About Disney's Halloween Classic, Hocus Pocus...

This Film Is About A Teenager Named Max Dennison (Played By Omri Katz) Who Along With His Love Interest (They're Not Exactly Boyfriend/Girlfriend Yet) Allison (Played By Vinessa Shaw) And His Young Sister, Dani (Played By Thora Birch) Bring Back 3 17th Century Witches, Winifred (Bette Midler), Mary (Kathy Najimy), And Sarah (Carrie Bradshaw) Sanderson Back From The Dead...

So, With The Help Of A Boy Trapped In The Body Of A Black Cat Named Thackeray Binx (Played By Max Goof) They Must Stop The Witches Before Midnight On All Hallows Eve Or Else All The Salem Will Be Doomed...

Will They Succeed?

Let's Find Out As We Watch Hocus Pocus...

The Film Starts In The 17th Century When A Human Thackeray Binx Awakes To Discover That His Sister Emily Is Being Lured Into The Woods By Witches...

He Tells His Brother Elijah To Get His Father And Summon The Town Elders While He Follows Emily To The Witches Hideout...

There We Meet 3 Old Witches Named The Sanderson Sisters Who Intend On Getting Emily To Drink Their Potion So They Can Steal Her Lifeforce To Become Young Again..

But Before They Can Get Emily To Drink It, Binx Reveals Himself To The Sisters And Dumps Their Potion In Their Cauldron On The Ground...

But Despite Doing That Binx Is Too Late, Emily Has Dranken The Potion From Winifred's Mixing Spoon. Blasting Binx With Force Lightning, Winifred And Her Sisters Steal Emily's Lifeforce And Become Young Again Or Younger As Winifred Puts It ...

As For Binx, They Transform Him Into A Black Cat Before Being Invaded By Binx's Father And The Town Elders Who Proclaim Them To Be Witches And Have Them Hanged Until Dead....

But Before They Are Hung Winifred Proclaims That On All Hallows Eve, A Virgin Will Bring Them Back, And Then, All The Lives Of The Children Of Salem Will Be Theirs...

Fast Forwarding A Few Decades Later, We Meet Max Dennison And His Love Interest Alison Who Are In A Class Run By The Nun Who Raised Jake And Elwood Blues...

Who I'm Surprised Didn't Hit Max On The Head With A Ruler Because Of His Talk Of Halloween Being Run By The Candy Companies..

But When Alison Proves Him Wrong By Talking About The Historical Facts About Halloween, He Gives Her His Phone Number Only For Alison To Give It Back To Him A Couple Minutes Later After Class...

Swing And A Miss...

After A Scene With 2 Stereotypical High School Bullies, Max Starts Missing His Home In Eerie, Indiana

Oops, I'm Sorry, I Made A Mistake There, It's Actually California...

But When His Sister, Dani, Interrupts His Brooding And Says That He's Taking Her Trick Or Treating This Year Because Their Parents Are Going To A Party This Year...

Yeah, Don't Bet On It, Kid, Coronavius Cancelled Halloween This Year...

Refusing, Dani Tells Their Parents, Who Force Max To Go Anyway...

But When They Do They Have A Run In With The Bullies, Which Causes Max To Get Mad At Dani Only For Max To Open Up To Dani On Why He's Been Moody Lately Which Leads The 2 To Make Up...

After That, They Come Across A Huge House Which Is Actually Owned By Allison's Parents Who Are Throwing A Halloween Party That Night, Leaving Allison On Candy Duty...

With Dani Embarrassing Max On The Fact That He Likes Allison's Yabos...

Which Is Technically A Long List As Tom Cruise And David Duchovney Apparently Like Them Too..

Allison Reveals That Her Parents Used To Run A Museum On The Sanderson Sisters When She Likes Dani's Costume, But They Closed It Down, When Weird Incidents Started Happening...

(Start At 1:22, End At 1:41)

Max Asks To Go, In Effort To Make A Believer Out Of Believer Out Of Him, So, Alison Goes To Change...

But Despite Max Wanting To Go, Dani Doesn't As She's Scared Of That Place, But They Compromise With Max Promising That Next Year They'll Go As Peter Pan (With Tights) And Wendy...

Going Into The Place, They Turn On The Lights And Look Around The Place, Eventually, Max Discovers The Black Flame Candle Which Is What Will Bring The Sisters Back To Life...

With Max Saying Maybe They Should Light It And Meet The Witches Themselves, He's Attacked By Binx, But That Doesn't Scare Max Off, Despite Allison And Dani Wanting To Leave...

But Still, Max Lights The Candle...

With The Floor Shaking, Lights Transforming Into Candles And A Fire Starting In The Fireplace, The Sisters Are Back...

With Winifred Wondering Who Lit The Black Flame Candle, Mary Starts Smelling Children, Leading The Sisters To Dani, Who Tells Them That They've Been Dead For 300 Years Before They Grab Her...

Max Tries To Help But Winifred Ends Up Blasting Him And Tossing Him Against The Wall Before Lifting Him Up...

Luckily Though Allison Saves Dani From Mary Who Then Whaps Winifred With Her Candy As Binx Attacks Winifred So Max Can Get Dani And Alison Out So He Can Enact His Burning Rain Of Death Plan By Using A Lighter To Activate The Sprinklers...

Confronted By Binx Who Reveals To Max That He Can Talk, He Tells Max To Get The Spellbook Before They Go, Which He Does Before The Sisters Realize That The Burning Rain Of Death Is Actually Water...

Now, There Are Alot Of Questions And Complaints That Some People Have With This Movie But I'm Sorry, I'm Sorry This One Just Ticks Me Off...

If Binx Could Talk, Why Didn't He Say Anything For All Those Years?..

And To Answer That, Let Me Ask You, The Viewer, A Question, What Would You Do If You Saw A Talking Cat?...

Would You Sit Down And Talk With Him Like An Average Ordinary Person?

Or Would You Run For Your Freaking Life Like He Was Casper, The Friendly Ghost?

If You Picked The First Answer, Congratulations, You're Officially A Moron!

Because If There's One Thing I've Learned From Movies And T.V. Shows Involving Mutants Or Beings With Amazing Powers, It's That People Fear Things That They Do Not Understand

Taking Max And The Girls To A Graveyard Because The Sisters Can't Set Foot On Hallowed Ground, Binx Explains Everything To Them While Also Revealing That After He Was Turned Into A Cat, He Waited For His Life To End So He Could Be Reunited With His Family....

But Winifred's Spell Came With Immortality, So, He Decided To Use It To Prevent A Virgin From Lighting That Candle...

Shortly After That, The Sisters Arrive On Their Broomsticks And Attempt To Go After The Book, But Realizing They Can't Due To Them Being On Holy Ground, Winifred Casts A Spell Which Brings Back Her Former Lover, Billy Butcherson...

I Wonder If His Modern Day Ancestor Is Billy Butcher From The Boys?

Who Winifred Caught Cheating On Her With Sarah, So She Poisoned Him And Sewed His Mouth Shut So He Wouldn't Reveal Her Secrets Even In Death..

Returning As A Zombie, Winifred Orders Him To Go After Max And The Girls Who Are Now In A Sewer With Binx...

As The Sisters Board A Bus With A Horny Bus Driver, Who Promises To Take Them To Where Children Are, Max And The Girls Get Out Of The Sewers After A Fake Death For Binx To Warn A Fake Police Cop Who Pretends To Be A Cop About The Sisters...

To Which There's A Complaint That I Agree With The Fanbase On...

Meanwhile, We Get A Brief Cameo By Both Garry And Penny Marshall Before The Sisters Realize That All The Small People In Costumes Are Children And That Halloween Has Become A Time Of Year When Children Run Amok...

When The Cop Doesn't Listen, Max And The Girls Go To Warn Their Parents And Everyone At The Party At Town Hall ButThey Don't Listen Either...

Eventually, The Sisters Show Up, Leading To The Best Part Of The Entire Movie...

(Start At 0:45, End At 2:46)

Hiding From The Witches In An Alley Behind A Resturant, Alison Gets An Idea, Which Involves Them, Luring The Sisters Into A Furnace At School And Burning Them Alive.,.

Succeeding In Doing So, Max And The Girls Celebrate And Binx Is Interested In The Prospect Of Finally Having A Family To Replace The One He Lost Years Ago...

But Sadly, This Happy Ending Gets Ruined Because The Sisters Are Still Alive...

As Dani And Binx Catch Some Rest, Max And Allison Go Through Winifred's Spellbook To See If There's A Way To Return Binx Back To Normal Not Knowing The Book Is Creating A Light In The Sky That Will Lead The Sisters Right To Them...

Binx Stops Max And Allison, Saying That Nothing Good Can Come From The Book, And He's Dead Right As The Sisters Show Up And Kidnap Dani And Binx Before Taking Off...

This Leads To Another One Of My Favorite Scenes...

(End At 1:33)

And That Miracle Comes In The Form Of Another Trick...

Max Shows Up At The Sisters House Just As They're About To Feed Dani The LifeForce Potion And Uses Allison's Car To Mimic The Sun To Make The Sisters Fall To The Ground So, He Can Get Dani And Binx...

After A Chase Scene Between The Car And The Sisters On Their Brooms Which Would Look Better On Endor, They Go To The Graveyard Only For Max To Get Caught By Billy Who After Using Max's Knife To Cut The Stitches On His Mouth Reveals What Side He's Actually On...

As The Final Battle Goes On, Winifred Grabs Dani, So, She Can Get Dani To Drink The LifeForce Potion...

(Start At 0:51)

As Sister Thanks Brother For Saving Her Life, Brother Gets Girl Of His Dreams And Binx Is Reunited With His Sister, Emily In The Afterlife...

And That's Hocus Pocus And Aside From The Various Criticisms From Various YouTube Reviewers, It's A Pretty Good Film...

The Story Is Interesting, I Love The Characters And The Effects Are Pretty Good, So For That I Say, See It....

Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...