#I'm so deadly afraid when I'm sober

[george228732]

I just made a huge analogy between Fylass in Wonderland and Mad Hatter (the song HELPPP)

"My friends don't walk, they run" [this could represent the feeling of abandonment Fylass has deep inside. The expression of 'running' could be used as a metaphor for something coming and going by fast, leaving nothing but a trail of memories, a.k.a. footsteps, behind.]

"Skinny dip in rabbit holes for fun" [this line would remind the listener of one of the first people Fylass has met in their crazy 'dream': Wisp, alongside the other white rabbit, Serenity. The 'fun' part might be referring to the amusement their oath, Somnia, takes in harming and putting stress on her servants (HELP I'M SO SORRY STARDUST HELPPPP)]

"Poppin', poppin' balloons with guns" [this could very well be about the Circus of Infinity, Fylass and Dolly getting distracted by all the attractions and prizes.]

"Getting high off helium" [pure helium gas can be deadly. This may represent the toxicity of the environment Fylass traps themselves in to escape from reality, fooling them into thinking they're safe (therefore, getting 'high', like a drug), when it might actually be deteriorating their mental state.]

"We paint white roses red" [referring to the knights at the queen's castle, Twilight Knight, Ava and Verin, who meet Fy and Dolly torwards the ending chapters, right in the middle of painting white roses the color red for Somnia.]

"Each shade from a different person's head" [I'm thinking this could very likely be foreshadowing to Fylass' sentence, that being the guillotine.]

"This dream, dream is a killer" [this 'dream' Fylass is having is what led them to their coma. Further down, as indicated on the website 'betterhealth': 'The person’s recovery depends on the cause and severity of the coma, but anyone who falls into a comatose state is at risk of dying [...].' Most commonly, a comatose state derives from infections, cardiovascular complications, organ failure, and tumors. It is however possible that Fylass' condition may have been triggered by one of the less notorious causes: trauma.]

"Getting drunk with the blue caterpillar" [this line could mention how real life Pleiades' drinking problem may also manifest itself in his Alter Ego, making HIM look more expressive and generally open to emotional discourse, unlike the original, who tends to keep everything to himself when sober. (since, you know, drunk people tend to lose all their composure). Referring to Mikuto, it could, again, be about his sadness and solitude in not seeing Kurabe, causing him to be snappy and sorrowful, just like how a drunk person would be.]

"I'm peeling the skin off my face" [going back to the real world, FiW makes continuous mentions of Fylass' past locked in a mental hospital. More specifically, an anonymous doctor describes their behavior as this: 'The problem went worse however, since this last week, the symptoms have gotten from seizures with unknown origin, banging their head towards a concrete wall at the point of it starting to crack, to plucking out their own feathers in fits of rage. [...]'; the feather plucking and head banging could be defined as 'peeling one's own skin', in a way.

"'Cause I really hate being safe" [this might be Fylass acknowledging the risk of staying in that dream, that, as I mentioned earlier, has fooled them into thinking they're safer there than in the real world, when it's really the opposite. Maybe it's the ever lasting feeling of security that keeps on dragging them back into that mad Wonderland, therefore, making them want to take risks, and keep on living in that beautiful lie, completely discarding their actual physical and mental health.]

"The normals, they make me afraid the crazies, they make me feel sane" [the normals could be their real life friends, while the crazies would be their mad counterparts. As Fylass themselves explained in the finale: 'Whenever I sleep, I dream of a world where I am happy, and go on adventures with all of you; a world that served as my way to ignore the fact that I was ill, because I feared that you guys would abandon me when I told you about these, [...]'. They would rather live carefree with a mere copy of their loved ones than be with them in the real world, reason being their extreme fear of abandonment, leading them to constantly worry about their mental health.]

"I'm nuts, baby, I'm mad" [this could maybe determine Fylass finally about to snap, all the stress and trauma building up to the chorus.]

"The craziest friend that you've ever had" [the staff at the mental hospital listed Fylass's various disorders as, and I quote: 'Severe Depression, Hysteria, Good Child Syndrome, Lunacy, Dissociation, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Dependent Personality Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder'. This diagnosis, along with the Wonderland in their head may have Fylass think they're abnormal, therefore, 'the craziest friend' in the group.]

"You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone" [again, Fylass could be saying these words to the therapists, who confirmed their disorders and even asked Cosmounse to take action on them. Fy could have been feeling betrayed and used in that moment, giving up their trust in those people and maybe even accusing them of attributing them those mental illnesses just to turn them over and have everyone avoid them in fear, thus causing them to hide their prescriptions from their friends all this time, hoping they wouldn't find out and walk away.]

"Tell the psychiatrist something is wrong" [psychiatrists, not to be confused with therapists, prescribe medicines for those who suffer from mental illness. This line could reference the pill box of antidepressants Fylass won as a prize in the Circus, immediately changing the environment, a harsh reminder.]

"Over the bend, entirely bonkers" ['over' is used to replace the word 'around', which would basically define the words' meaning as 'mad', 'insane'. I find this change in terminology quite fascinating, however, in view of the fact that the expression of going 'over' instead of 'around', could also very well be a metaphor for crossing the imaginary line between madness and self-destroying insanity.]

"You like me best when I'm off my rocker" [this line could reference the time in which Fylass finally lost their composure and actually went as far as 'killing' Lord Cosmounse, who satisfyingly accomplished his goal in having them snap after so much trial and error.]

"Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed" [this line could reference the bliss and safety Fy feels in their dream. They don't have to worry about their instability in a world built upon it, isn't that right?]

"So what if I'm crazy? The best people are" [the 'best people' could be a reference to the Queen, 'best' as in 'most important element of the hierarchy'. Her absolutely merciless and deranged sentences/laws say it all.]

"All the best people are crazy all the best people are" [highlight of the previous line]

"Where is my prescription?" [mentioning the real life medical document from earlier, which Fylass even found in their dream: 'The following is an early observation that I, XXXXXX XXXXX, made on your child, Fylass Paragon Astralio, after the recent termination of xxxxxx xxxxx, two weeks ago, which was a very hard investigation due to the lack of motivation the child had when trying to get out of his room, but this is what I found; [...]"]

"Doctor, doctor, please listen" [this could be Fylass' friends speaking, who were denied medical attention when they got the comatose protagonist to a hospital.]

"My brain is scattered" [mentioning the messy cacophony surrounding Wonderland's void]

"You can be Alice, I'll be the Mad Hatter" [this takes place in the Endless Tea Party, where Chaos, Fettuccine, Kurabe and (unwillingly) Lucid tie Fylass to a chair to escape their curse at the Tea Table. Fylass then gets freed by the latter, who explains them and Dolly their situation as Mad Hatters, with Fy being Alice, the Club.]

"I'm peeling the skin off my face

'cause I really hate being safe"

"The normals, they make me afraid

the crazies, they make me feel sane" [repetition of my previous analysis]

"I'm nuts, baby, I'm mad

the craziest friend that you've ever had"

"You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone

tell the psychiatrist something is wrong"

"Over the bend, entirely bonkers

you like me best when I'm off my rocker"

"Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed

so what if I'm crazy? The best people are" [repetition of my previous analysis]

"You think I'm crazy, you think I'm gone" [this reminds me of the last chapter in which, after defeating Somnia, Fylass finds themselves in the Void once again, where they meet and are confronted by Cosmounse right before the door of exit. He tries to bring them down by calling out their madness, hence this line, spoken in this case by Fy.]

"So what if I'm crazy? All the best people are" [this is Fylass' clone reassuring them that they're not alone, and that all the people in this mad dream were all aspects of their psychology they never got to discover. Everyone is a little cray-cray at the end of the day.]

"And I think you're crazy too, I know you're gone" [this might be Cosmounse's answer to the first line in this verse, trying to convince Fylass that the actuality of their insanity is not a personal opinion or theory, but a fact.]

"It's probably the reason that we get along" [Fylass' answer. They accept themselves for who they are, and actually claim that their craziness might be what led them to meet their friends and family, thus it being a good thing after all.]

"I'm nuts, baby, I'm mad, the craziest friend that you've ever had" [this is not a warning anymore, it's a phrase of self-acceptance. Fylass knows they're a little crazy, and they've acknowledged their condition as a part of them.]

"You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone tell the psychiatrist something is wrong" [the lyrics' meaning changed again; it's almost as if this time Fylass is challenging those who villainized and took advantage of their insanity to take them to a mental hospital once again, mocking these extreme measures, knowing damn well that wouldn't happen again with their friends by their side.]

"Over the bend, entirely bonkers you like me best when I'm off my rocker" [it's, once again, about acceptance. Their mental state is what makes Fylass, well, Fylass; therefore explaining how they'd be liked best for not being sane.]

"Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed so what if I'm crazy? The best people are" [Fylass is not worried about their condition anymore, they've finally realized that the people around them will love and care for them regardless.]

"All the best people are crazy

all the best people are

all the best people are crazy

all the best people are"

[ending, everyone hugging Fylass as they finally wake up from their coma.]

(WAAAAAHHH I'M SO SORRY IF I MISSED SOME PEOPLE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH I COULDN'T FIND GOOD ENOUGH REFERENCES 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭)

OH MY GOD YOU'RE SUCH A GENIOUS. YOU NAILED IT PERFECTLY!!!!

GET AN AWARD OF SOMETHING CUZ I LOVED THIS FROM HEAD TO TOE, THANK YOU!

[icanbeyourgenie]

“ Life would be so much simpler if you liked the right people. People you’re supposed to like. But then, I guess there’d be no fairy tales. ” – Calypso to Nathaniel

Nathaniel let his eyes fall on Xanthe for a second before averting them back. He forced himself to look at a girl instead - one of the ladies his father sent to court him. One of the ladies he was supposed to like.

"I'm not sure about the fairytales. I think we're either just stupid or we like to suffer."

Calypso looked at him with curious doe-eyes and he felt his throat close up. Was it time? He didn't know. But he could at least explain what he meant.

"I mean, look at us. The triplets just give themselves to anyone as long as it pleases Father. You're actually falling in love with the person who kidnapped you and got you into this mess in the first place. Ursula, well... Not sure what's going on with that Viserys but you can tell it's something shady. And Mal is falling for a girl he could never ever be with. And even if he could, she's a mortal. She'll end up dying anyway, and he'll be heartbroken. And then we have mom. Whoever she fell for that wasn't Father, she was killed for it.. Maybe we just don't know how to love without hurting ourselves..."

They both stayed silent a moment, clearly not having arguments against Nate's claims.

"Is that why you don't let yourself fall for anyone?" Calypso finally asked, curious as always, and once again Nate fell like throwing up. But maybe it was time.

"Who says I don't?" He brought his glass to his lips and thanked the fae obsession for alcohol so strong it could put down a dragon. Nobody said he had to face this sober.

"What? Who?"

Before he could change his mind, he let his eyes fall back on Xanthe again. The boy was in a corner talking with Aeron. It looked nothing more than a simple brotherly conversation but Nate knew they were discussing new inventions. He learned than against all odds Aeron was quite the mechanical genius - inventing flying ships and other explosive stuffs - while Xanthe was more into chemicals. It was an understatement, the fae could create the most deadly weapons with the simplest of ingredients. It was both terrifying and fascinating.

At some point he realized he was staring and looked back at his little sister, who looked really confused.

"... Aeron?" Nate spilled his drink.

"What?! No of course not!"

"Oh..." Calypso took a moment, then her eyes lit up. "Oh!"

"Yeah..."

Once again Nate looked away and kept drinking. He wished he could disappear. Maybe one of the ladies that came for him could put him out of his misery right now.

"I'm sorry if I disappointed you." He finally said when the silence became too much to bear.

"What? Natty, I do not care who you love. You're my brother, I'll always love you, no matter what. But just... be careful, please... faes aren't to be trusted. Especially Morgana's children..."

"Yeah, I know that. It's not like I love him or anything. He's just an interesting person to spend time with." And he doesn't care if I occasionally kill a lot of people, he wanted to add, but didn't.

"Okay... Who knows?"

"About the 'Me being into guys' thing? I told Mal. I think Ursula figured it out too. About Xanthe? Just you. And I think Yasmeen saw us in a corridor but I can't be sure. And honestly I was too freaked out to ask.. You can't tell anyone though!"

"I won't! I am quite offended that you thought I'll be judgemental of if you like boys or girls or both. Why would you think that of me?"

"I didn't... I just... I'm so used to hide it, that's all, I didn't want anything to change between us..."

"It won't!"

"Okay, cause it's not both. It's just boys.."

Calypso paused a second. "Then this forced courtship must be more of a nightmare for you than I initially thought."

Against all odds, it made Nathaniel laugh. Probably out of relief. If Calypso still cared about his well-being it truly meant nothing changed. Suddenly he didn't know why he was so afraid to tell his little sister, he should've known better... His good mood coming back, he put the drink aside and took her hand before dragging her to the dance floor.

"Come on. We held the walls too long. It's time to show me if all those ball lessons finally paid off!"

[tomboyjessie13]

Aswan, Egypt Hotel

Takes place shortly after the Oingo Boingo arc

Jotaro and Polnareff: *Smoking by the window*....

Iggy: *Sleeping on one of the hotel beds* Zzzzzzzz

Joseph: *On the phone with the hospital* ....Hm, I was afraid of that, thank you for letting me know doc, bye. *Hangs up* Well boys, I got good news and bad news: The good news is that Avdol and Kakyoin's injuries aren't serious and are going to make it. The bad news is that Kakyoin's injuries needs more time to heal, so he'll have to be cooped up in Aswan for a few days.

Polnareff: *Disappointed* Oh no, do we really have to leave him behind?

Joseph: 'fraid so.

Jotaro: I'm not surprised, *puts out his cigarette* we all saw how deadly [Geb]'s attack was, no way scars that deep can recover overnight.

Polnareff: Mmm.

Joseph: Indeed, luckily for us the doctors from the Speedwagon Foundation are on their way, so it wouldn't be too long.... *Looks around the room* Hey, who went into the mini fridge?

Jotaro and Polnareff: *Looks over and sees the fridge was raided*

Polnareff: Not me.

Jotaro: Me either, *Points at Iggy* and Iggy's been sleeping the whole time.

Iggy: *Lays on his back and farted in his sleep*

All: *Covers their noses in disgust*

Joseph: Then it must've been "our new friend" then, where is she anyway?....*Hears something coming from the bathroom* ???? *Goes to the door and hears faint drunk singing*

???: *Singing drunkenly* "Ó bhun go barr na tíre-

Polnareff: *Joins him to listen*

???: -is ar fud an domhain seo beidh *Hic* Na Gaeil ag canadh *hic* lámh ar lámh ar oíche Auld Lang Syne...."

Joseph: *Slowly opens the door*

Medea: *Sitting in an unused tub surrounded by beer cans, drunk and miserable* Ar oíche Auld Lang Syne *hic* seo muid, ar oíche Auld Lang Syn-

Joseph: Hey missy, how's it going?

Medea: *Slurring in anger* Sod off, gobshite, *hic* can't ya see I'm wallowing in my misery?

Joseph: I'm just checking to see if you're ok.

Medea: *Throws empty beer can at the door* Get out!

Joseph: *Shuts door* Ok! Ok! I'll leave you alone for a bit! *Stands up* But you're going to have to sober up soon.

Medea: *Inside* You ain't getting shit outta me, ya old buzzard! *Hic* I'm not backstabbing Lord DIO!

Joseph: *Sighs deeply* I could use a beer if she hadn't hog them all.

Jotaro: I'll grab some at the store.

Joseph: No good, Jotaro, you're underage, and Avdol told me that drinking laws in Egypt have become quite strict since Islam became commonplace.

Jotaro: Cokes it is then. *Leaves room*

Polnareff: *Sitting by the door* By the way, Mademoiselle, that's some good pretty Chinese you just sang.

*BEAT*

Joseph: *Looks back in utter disbelief * ????????

Medea: *In disbelief as well*.........WHAT!?

Polnareff: Weren't you singing in Chinese earlier? I could learn some of it when I go back to Hong Kong again.

Medea: *Opens door*

Polnareff: *Falls over* ACK! OoO

Joseph: *Goes to Polnareff and drags him away*

Medea: Ya idiot! *Hic* I was singing "Auld Lang Syne" in Gaelic! Not Chinese! *Hic* It was supposed to be for this New Year's Day and for when I killed ya guys! *Hic* And you ruined it by being alive!

Polnareff: *Sits up, rubbing his head* Gaelic? Isn't that a dead languag-

Joseph: *Covers Polnareff's mouth* OvO'''

Medea: *Stomping her foot in irritation* It's not dead! It's just an uncommon language that my mom and the Irish are trying to save, no thanks to the British!...

Joseph: *Offended* Heeeeey!

Medea: Not you, ya old bimbo! *Hic* God why are men except for Lord DIO such idiots!? *Slams door shut*

Joseph: Smooth Polnareff, real smooth. >_>

Polnareff: *Moves hand* Well I didn't know; I only knew French. DX

- Medea sings a New Year's Day song in Gaelic while drunk, while Polnareff confuses it with Chinese.

*The lyrics were found in the comment section of this video: Link

[crazy-devil-queen]

I love you, i hate you

I'll kiss you, I'll kill you

I'm toxic and deadly

This chaos controlls me

There is no way to fix it

When broken is better

When im just a normie,

They all just ignore me

Im salty

She's sweeter

The world needs more like her

The world needs more fighters

No push over liars

Can we make it better

And stop starting fires?

No stairway to heaven

The way that we're headin

No more regrets

I'm sober, im wasted

My peers thinks I'm crazy

Bipolar and anxious

I'm always impatient

Should i just embrace it?

Prescriptions won't fix this

Don't trust me with fragile

Cuz I'll fuckin break it

Might die at a young age

I know this sounds cliché

Ill dance with the devil

But still count my blessings

Can we make this better?

Or is it just me?

On this highway to hell

And there's no way to tell

No more regrets

This is who i am

Nobody said that you had to like it

This is who i am

A modern tragedy

This is who i am

Nobody said that you had to like it

This is who i am

A modern tragedy

Burry your mistakes, clear the bones from your closet

With wisdom there is pain, so don't be afraid

No, no, no

No more regrets

No more regrets, no more regrets

This is who i am

Nobody said that you had to like it

This is who i am

A modern tragedy

This is who i am

Nobody said that you had to like it

This is who i am

A modern tragedy...❤️‍🩹

[alinastracker]

If you’re still doing the prompts I have oneeeee hehe

" i mean... i-i'm cool with sharing the bed if you are. "

you got it baby 🥰

but i know something’s starting right now

It’s a sweltering Ravkan summer day, but nothing brings heat to her body like watching Mal in the pool, water droplets racing down his chest. His shaggy hair is a mop on his head, and she realizes this is what he must look like in the shower.

This is exactly why she didn’t want to bring him on the trip.

It’s the first week of July, and for the past three years, that’s meant a trip to the Os Alta Resort with Genya and Zoya. It’s a way for them to relax after exams and catch up now that they all attend different schools. But at the end of May, the two of them had FaceTimed her about a change for this year.  

“We were thinking of taking the boys with,” Genya says gently, nervous for her reaction.

Zoya is frank as ever. “It’s cheaper that way. Besides, after all this long distance, I could use a week of uninterrupted fuc—”

“Zoya!”

“Relax, Starkov. We’re all adults here.”

“Anyway,” Genya cuts in. “We’re just telling you in case you wanted to bring someone, too. Maybe Mal?”

“Mal and I aren’t dating.”

Only in her dreams.

“Might as well be,” Zoya mutters.

So in the choice between bringing Mal on what has basically turned into a couple’s retreat and going to said couple’s retreat alone, she’s chosen the former. It would be fine. Mal knows her friends. Him and Nikolai like to talk sports. Maybe it’ll be a little weird, being the only non-couple, but they could deal.

It would have been fine, if it weren’t for this morning’s check in.

"So it looks like we have you booked for three single rooms," the concierge says.

Alina frowns. "One of those should be a double."

The concierge checks again, each click of his mouse making her anxiety rise. He frowns. "Sorry, miss. It's showing me all singles."

"It's fine," Mal says. "Could we just upgrade it to a double, then?"

"Er, I'm afraid we're all booked, sir."

Nikolai claps his hands together, cheerful as ever at Zoya's side. "Well, I'll just switch with Alina, and Mal and I can — shit, Zoy!"

Zoya had stomped on his foot.

"We are not switching shit," she hisses under her breath.

Nikolai sighs. "My deadly dearest, certainly it's no big deal—"

"I bought us a new toy for this trip. We are not switching."

There is a brief moment where everyone freezes, then Genya groans, shaking her head as she murmurs apologies to the concierge, who is trying hard to pretend he hasn’t heard a thing. The tips of Mal's ears go red, and Alina is sure hers match. David, lost in his audiobook, is oblivious to all of it.

Nikolai clears his throat and turns to the two of them with a sheepish grin. "Sorry, mate. You're on your own."

The concierge slowly raises a finger and says, "We might be able to supply a cot?"

Alina can feel everyone's eyes on her, which is the last thing she ever wants. She has the strong desire to curl in on herself, but that only really works in the winter when she dons large coats and sweaters. But it’s summer, and she is in only a mustard yellow crop top and jean shorts, though she suddenly feels as exposed as if she were completely naked.

Mal takes one look at her and gently nudges his foot against hers. "I mean . . . I'm cool with sharing the bed if you are?"

Her brain is looking for anyway out of this whole conversation, so she nods.

So far, they have been in their room once to drop off their things and change into bathing suits, both of them dancing around the bed without ever touching it. The air in the room feels charged even with sunlight still pouring in. What would tonight be like?

More importantly, how was she supposed to handle sleeping beside him when she can’t even handle watching him in the pool?

Genya climbs on Mal’s shoulders for a game of chicken — David is, unsurprisingly, not in the pool, but sitting beside Alina on a lounge chair. She feels a pang of something like jealousy as she watches the game commence, which cannot be more ridiculous.

They can’t avoid the night forever, and it comes much too quickly despite how long they spend mingling at the resort bar. In their room, Mal lets Alina use the bathroom first. A kind offer, she thinks, until she realizes it leaves her to stake out a spot on the bed first. No more dancing.

Left side or right? Does Mal have a preference? Does she? How long until Mal finishes in the bathroom and comes out to see her staring at the bed like a mental person?

Right side, she chooses finally. She curls up on the left side of her body usually, so this way, she doesn’t have to face him as they sleep. Good call. As she untucks the covers from the bed, she secretly hopes to find something horrifying, like blood or bugs, so they can get a refund and leave. Sadly, it is a perfectly fine bed. Alina plops onto it and tucks herself in.

Mal finishes in the bathroom a few minutes later, and if he’s as rattled about their sleeping arrangement as she is, he does not show it. There’s plenty of space between them as he settles into bed. Maybe this won’t be as bad as she feared.

“Well, goodnight,” Mal says through a yawn.

“Goodnight,” Alina replies.

They each turn off their bedside lamps. Mal is softly snoring soon after, but Alina stays awake much too long for her liking, thinking of how close he is.

They fall into a similar routine for the next couple nights. During the day, all is fine. Their little group meshes well. Genya and Nikolai are often off together, both of them on a mission, it seems, to try every flavor of ice cream from Os Alta's ice cream bar. Or sometimes it’s Nikolai and Mal running off, joining a game of pool volleyball, both of them stupidly competitive. When Zoya gets annoyed with the overload of children at the waterpark, she joins David on one of the lounge chairs to read for a while — Zoya a smutty historical romance and David a nonfiction on modern space travel. We just shouldn't let Jeff Bezos come back, he argues to Genya later, while Zoya murmurs to Nikolai something she wants him to do to her that night.

Alina thanks the saints her room isn’t next to Zoya’s.

The trip is going so smoothly that she doesn’t realize what trouble Sunday brings with it. It’s always their favorite part of the trip: bottomless margarita night. They all have absolutely horrific, hilarious pictures and videos of themselves from the past three years thanks to bottomless margarita night at Os Alta. But the thought of being drunk like that while she’s sharing a bed with Mal?

Okay, so she just won’t drink tonight. Problem solved.

“You can’t not drink!” Zoya says, personally offended.

“Come on, it’s tradition!” Genya agrees.

But she’s determined to hold out. Only when she sees the others with their drinks, she decides one sip won’t hurt. One sip becomes one drink, and one drink becomes a couple. Soon enough, she’s drunk enough to sign herself up for karaoke, another Os Alta tradition.

“I dunno what I should siiiing,” she slurs, swaying lightly on her feet.

“I have the perfect song for you!” Genya cheers excitedly.

So that’s how she ends up on stage, drunk off her ass, horridly singing Taylor Swift’s We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. She really gets into it, jumping and nailing the talking parts a little too well. But she can hear Genya and Zoya screaming the lyrics along with her, and it only encourages her.

Genya records a Snapchat of her performance, snickering to Mal and David about how she’s going to accidentally send it to the asshole Alina dated last year who’s still entirely too obsessed with her.

Nikolai is the only one of the boys drunk enough to sign up, taking the stage after Alina to perform a disgustingly off-key version of Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now. They all agree that Freddie Mercury is rolling in his grave.

By the end of the night, the four of them are totally wasted. David, who had spent the night nursing one drink, his focus on getting Genya her drinks and ensuring that she didn’t trip over herself, has to help the aforementioned redhead up to their room. Nikolai and Zoya are a sight, both wickedly drunk, trying to help each other stay upright. Mal had only downed a couple drinks and is mostly sober, which Alina is very thankful for, as she can’t hold herself up to save her life. She nearly trips on absolutely nothing so many times that Mal finally scoops her into his arms, carrying her the rest of the way to the room. Alina giggles the whole way. 

There’s no getting ready for bed that night. Mal sets her on the bed, and she resigns to sleeping in her red summer dress. When Mal joins her after having a shower, drunk Alina has no qualms curling up against him and sniffing him.

“Mm, you smell good,” she hums.

Mal chuckles even as he tenses. Alina has her arm around him and her face pressed into his side. He’s not sure he can breathe. She’s too drunk to notice the blush on his face.

“That’s probably just because you smell like alcohol,” he hedges.

Alina giggles and shakes her head. “No, you always smell good.”

He doesn’t know what to do with this information, but he does a lot of thinking instead of sleeping as Alina passes out next to him.

Monday morning brings with it a pounding headache for Alina. She prepares for the bright sunlight streaming through the window, but the room is dark when she opens her eyes. Mal isn’t beside her, but he left aspirin and a glass of water on the nightstand in addition to pulling out the blackout curtains. She falls in love with him a little bit more. 

The day is a quiet one. The girls and Nikolai spend their time at the spa, Mal and David off doing saints know what. She gets the best massage of her life, and while her head still aches despite the pain pill, seeing Nikolai get his toenails painted bright red makes every sip she had last night worth it.

When they’re in the room again after dinner, tucking themselves into bed, Mal says, “You told me I smell good last night.”

Alina pauses. “I did?”

The night comes back to her. She totally told him he smelled good, and she had closed the space between them on the bed, curling up right next to him. She remembers all of it, suddenly and painfully.

“Oh, saints. Mal, I’m so sorry. I didn’t . . . I shouldn’t have—”

He cuts her off. “It’s okay, ‘Lina. You don’t have to apologize.”

“I don’t?”

Mal smiles an amused smile and leans over, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “No, you don’t. Not you. Never you.”

Alina is almost positive she can hear her heart pounding as Mal reaches for something tucked in the drawer of his nightstand.

“For you,” he says, handing her a long rectangular box. “Saw it today when I was out with David and I just— I thought of you.”

She can’t even process the image of Mal and David out shopping together, needing to open this damn box. With shaky fingers, she lifts the lid. Waiting for her inside is a dainty necklace with a gorgeous gold sun charm.

“Oh,” she says softly.

Mal blushes, and this time, Alina notices. “Do you like it?” he asks. “I just thought of you singing last night when I saw it. You’re so bright, Alina. All the time. Just like the sun.”

She has no idea what this confession means, or how she earned it from drunkenly telling him how good he smells — which his really quite good — but her heart has kicked into overdrive. She isn’t sure what, or how, but she knows something’s starting right now.

“I love it, Mal.” She turns so her back is facing him and hands over the necklace. “Will you help me put it on?”

He wraps the chain around her neck. The sun rests perfectly against her heart. She notices every little brush of his fingers against the back of her neck as Mal works the clasp.

When the necklace is secure, they both lay back down, noticeably closer this time. Not as close as last night, but close enough that their arms occasionally brush, close enough that she’ll end up kicking him during the night. Alina sleeps on her right side. 

Their trip might be ending tomorrow, but something better was beginning tonight.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Kara raging at Lena and Alex. Because honestly? She gets blamed for everything. She kept herself secret to protect Lena and Alex is kinda responsible for her being Supergirl in the first place. "If making Kryptonite is okay if it's for a good cause then why not me keeping my identity secret? Killing my aunt, Alex, was okay as long as it was for a good cause, but I'm a monster if I so much as twist someone's arm too hard!"

Kara ignores the knock on her door.

Alex lets herself in anyway.

She meets Kara’s unhappy gaze, takes in the suit she still wears, and offers a grim smile. “Didn’t go well, then.”

“She hates me,” her sister mutters thickly. Her eyes are dry but her voice is thick from recent tears. Alex joins her on the couch, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. Kara leans against her, shrugging helplessly. “She didn’t even let me explain, Alex.”

A moment later, Kara pulls away, vibrating with anxious energy. “What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t tell her! She made Kryptonite for Rao’s sake. Which, was I supposed to thank her for making the one substance on Earth designed to hurt me?”

Kara gestures sharply, then falls still, waiting for Alex to chime in. When she doesn’t, Kara’s eyes narrow.

“What?”

“You don’t agree with her, do you?” Kara accuses. Again, Alex hesitates. “Alex!”

“Maybe I’m not the right person to weigh in on this,” Alex hedges.

“You’re my sister! You’re the only one who gets to weigh in!”

Alex shrugs. “What do you want me to say Kara? Last year I had Kryptonite armor! And it worked!”

Kara scoffs, shoving to her feet to start pacing. “Unbelievable.”

“Kara…”

“You defended me in the dark forest. So, what– were you lying?”

“You’re my sister, Kara, of course I defended you. And I didn’t lie– it is personal. I just don’t know if there’s one right or wrong answer here.”

“No,” Kara argues, “there is, because Kryptonite– it kills me!”

Alex pushes to her feet. “I understand that, believe me. But just a few years ago you were training under Kryptonite radiation, sparring with me. It helped you learn how to fight. And since then, we’ve faced multiple threats who could only be stopped by Kryptonite–”

“Yeah, I remember!” Kara cuts in sharply, voice lifting in rage. “I was there! I was there when they pumped my aunt full of Kryptonite to torture information out of her. I heard her scream for hours as it burned her from the inside. I remember when you put a kryptonite blade through her heart!”

Kara’s shout rings in the silence that follows. Alex freezes– she can hardly breathe for the reminder of the heartache she caused Kara. For the loss that nearly drove them apart. She thought they’d moved past it– days of working towards a new normal and countless nights spent talking for hours, trying to heal. Maybe they did heal. But Kara will never forget.

“It’s not just a tool, anymore,” Kara continues, reduced to a whisper. “It never was. It was the DEO’s reminder that I answer to them. My reminder that they could end me if I ever stepped out of line.”

Alex shakes her head. “No, it was never–”

“And now my best friend has found a way to not only make it, but make it more deadly, and all you have to say is that maybe she has a point?”

The air suddenly feels thick around Alex, pressing close against her. Her throat locks tight, and she has to swallow several times before she can summon her voice.

“Kara, I–”

“You should go,” Kara says flatly. She folds her arms around herself, suddenly small under her cape.

“Kara.”

“Either you go, or I will.”

Alex presses her eyes shut. She nods. “Okay.”

She collects her purse and lets herself out without another word.

Kara knocks her fist against the door and freezes between a grimace and a giggle when it splinters with a crack. It opens a moment later to an angry Lena, who glares at her warily.

“Sorry,” she says. “I’ll– I’ll replace that.”

She staggers inside, belatedly spotting the gun in Lena’s hand. Oops. She turns to offer reassurance that she isn’t going to hurt anyone, but loses track of that thought when she nearly unbalances.

“Are you drunk?” Lena asks. Her brow knits with reluctant curiosity. “Your metabolism–”

“I can with Aldebaran Rum,” Kara tells her stoutly, “and guess what? The corner market carries it now. We’re coming up in the world.”

Lena’s jaw tightens. “You should leave.”

“No, you should leave.” Kara pauses. “Actually, don’t. You should sit. We need– to talk.”

“I’m not interested in talking.”

“Then don’t! You can listen, like I did when you called me fucked up.” Kara waits, but Lena doesn’t move. “I’ll yell at you standing up if you want.” Lena still doesn’t move. “Okay, fine. I’m fighting with my best friend and my sister– why would this be even a little easy?”

She paces unsteadily, wading through murky, sluggish thoughts. Her cheeks feel a little numb but this time it’s not from smiling. It just is. It’d be easy to drink just a little more, and let that numbness spread to the anguish roiling around in her guts.

But not yet.

She needs that anger.

“You don’t know what it’s like,” Kara declares.

Lena only rolls her eyes. “Yes, we’ve already established that humans are unaccustomed to the pain of near-invincibility–”

“No!” Kara shouts, whirling to face her. “No, you made me sit there and take everything you said. Now it’s your turn to listen.”

Lena’s eyes widen, then narrow. But she remains silent.

Good.

“You don’t know what it’s like, to have to hide who you are. You project all of yourself into the world, for better or worse, and whether they love you or hate you, it’s you. Do you remember what you said to me? The day you met Supergirl? You said, we can’t live in fear. Well, I do! I live in fear. Every day, I’m afraid that someone will learn who I am and use it against me– that they’ll use it to target my friends, my family! I’ve been so afraid that my best friend will find out, and that I’ll lose her too.”

Lena scoffs. “You distrust me that much–”

“Oh, don’t even!– try to lecture me about distrust!”

“I have always been open with you–”

“Yeah, I remember! You were so proud to show off your fancy new alien detection device last year.” Lena freezes, and Kara feels a small trill of triumph. “Yeah, don’t think I’ve forgotten how gleefully you explained it to me, completely unconcerned that it would ruin lives. So long as you turned a profit, you were happy.”

Green eyes sour at the accusation, but she doesn’t say a word. Suddenly, Kara deflates, losing some of her righteous anger as hurt crept in around the edges.

“Did you?” she asks, plaintively. “Did you really think I’d forget that my best friend created a device that would allow businesses to deny me service? To kick me out of my apartment and leave me homeless?”

This time, Lena has the decency to look away, cheeks reddening under the criticism. Instead of fueling her fury, Kara blinks away tears.

“What would you have done? If I hadn’t damaged it? If it confirmed I was an alien?” Kara’s throat closes painfully. “Would you have turned me out right then and there? Would you have requested a different reporter the next time CatCo asked for an interview?”

She blinks, and the wavy figure of her best friend sharpens as her tears fall free. Maybe she imagines it, but she swears Lena’s eyes are shining too.

“Would you have ended the best friendship I’ve ever had, before it even started?”

Lena inhales sharply. “Maybe, I could swallow the secret identity easier,” she grates out, “if it didn’t mean that my best friend treated me like a villain for daring to create the one tool that was able to stop a Worldkiller.”

But Kara shakes her head no. “You didn’t make the Kryptonite for Reign, Lena. We both know it.”

For a long moment, the truth hangs heavy between them. Quiet lingers, before Lena finally takes a shaking breath.

“The threat is there, Kara,” she says. “Whether you want to admit it or not. Less than a year ago, Superman was ready to kill, even if it meant leveling the city to do it. And you– you threw Cat Grant off a balcony. Maybe you weren’t in control, but you still did it. Are we just supposed to sit back and pray you’ll take mercy on us the next time it happens?”

Kara stares at her. Then she laughs. It starts slow, bubbling in her throat before spilling out of her. Soon she’s doubled over, guffawing so hard her sides start to ache. Lena looks truly unsettled, and only that serves to curb her mirth.

“Sorry,” Kara wheezes, still grinning as she wipes her eyes. She flops onto Lena’s couch, breathless. “Whew!”

Lena swallows. “Good to know you find that part of my concerns hilarious.”

“Oh, pfft. Don’t be stupid. What’s funny is that both those examples you mentioned? The two times Supers have been a danger to humanity in the decades since my cousin started protecting the planet?”

She pauses, meeting Lena’s gaze as a fresh giggle tickles her throat.

“Was because of kryptonite! Because Maxwell Lord tried making Kryptonite, screwed up, and turned me into a monster, and because Queen Bitch Rhea waved some silver Kryptonite to turn my cousin into her personal attack dog. And your solution is to add more Kryptonite to the mix. That’s what’s funny.”

Instead of looking cowed, Lena’s jaw tightens. “And why did Max need to make Kryptonite in the first place?”

Kara sobers in an instant. The face of her aunt flashes across her vision, green-veined and twisted in agony. Then Reign’s face, chased by the phantom image of the dark priestess.

“Are you and Superman the only Kryptonians left?” Lena asks.

Lena knows they’re not. She knows about Argo, has given them the means to survive.

“Are you and Superman even the only Kryptonians on Earth?”

A lump forms in Kara’s throat. “No.”

“And can you guarantee that none of the other Kryptonians on Earth or elsewhere will never try to harm humanity?”

She doesn’t think they will. Those on Earth have spent decades hiding, even when Clark became Superman and their refuge planet fell under attack by alien threats. But she can’t guarantee it. She can’t.

“No.”

“Then I have a responsibility to ensure humanity has the means to defend themselves if the need arises,” Lena tells her. Her voice is calm, devoid of the emotion that gave Kara hope they could salvage even a small fragment of their friendship. “If you can’t understand that, then… I don’t think there’s anything left to say.”

Kara stares at her. Her heart throbs in her chest, like the space around it suddenly turned hollow. Words– the very thing she’s supposed to be good at– fail her, leaving her throat painfully dry.

Finally, she slowly pushes to her feet, struggling not to stagger as she pulls her puse onto her shoulder. She licks suddenly dry lips, grits her teeth, and meets Lena’s gaze.

“Fine,” she says stiffly. “Nice knowing you.”

Kara pushes past her, and escapes into the safety of the night.

[funkzpiel]

Dude! I'm not asking for a fic cos you're crazy busy. I just want to shout into the void at you. But so many different variants of Graves out there. Why choose 1? What if he had DID and so all of them are him in one bundle? You think that's possible?

Oh my goodness what a fun concept! Just like, he comes back from Grindelwald and captivity, only something’s distinctly different. His mind has coped, learned to protect itself, and now there are many versions of Percival Graves where there used to be one. They keep the man as a consultant while the mediwizards try to figure out how to make the many one again - and for the most part, the many versions of Percival Graves don’t mind.Tina finds it all rather fascinating, although it does creep some of the other aurors out.They keep a little journal, each of them. Whenever someone writes in theirs, the note shows up in all of them. They have a page for each identity and try to keep up with Graves like that.RAY -He might be Tina’s favorite. He’s a grumpy, emotional, blunt mess of a man - but he’s kind in a weird, harsh way that makes Tina fond of him. He’s the emotional side of Graves. The part of Graves that has remembered and regretted every lost soul, every suspect accidentally killed instead of apprehended, every man that got away, every victim they couldn’t save. His shoulders sag beneath the weight of a sadness he hides behind hilarious expressions and copious drinking. They know when Ray is in control because he wears jeans and a blazer jacket, smells of liquor, and has this look in his eyes - this unfathomable sadness - that makes him simultaneously easy to approach and yet miles away from any of them. He’s got a bit of an accent, this Irish lit, and Tina finds out that all this time, Graves has been hiding his Irish heritage and her mind is blown. MARTY - If she thought Ray had an accent, Marty has an accent. Quick to befuddlement and easily overwhelmed - Marty is a writer. A rather good one at that, when he’s sober. He follows them around with a little notebook and asks all sorts of questions. He is the creativity in Graves. The keen mind. He’s sympathetic and eager. Quick to smiling, quicker to booze. He says cruel, honest things when he’s drunk (and he’s drunk a lot, though the smell is the only thing that gives him away). He says kind, encouraging things when he’s sober. He wishes them luck. He apologizes for not being more than he is. He knows he’s broken. He knows he isn’t right. He knows what man they’re looking for when they come to him for good luck before a mission. He claps them on the shoulder all the same, presses their foreheads together, and says “Come back in one piece. I’ll keep trying to bring him back for you.”DAVID - Strike that, David is her favorite. He’s a smol man. She knows when David’s in the driver’s seat because Graves’ body language changes completely. His shoulders hunch in. His eyes gain this doe-eyed blankness, this utter heartbreaking hope to be noticed - and his voice is soft and kind and a little awkward, but generally as Irish as his other personalities. He speaks plainly and kindly. He moves awkwardly, afraid of using anyone else’s space. Afraid of being noticed. He likes to eat comfort foods that Graves would never allow himself to eat. Flaky pastries and soft pies and other little treats. David isn’t out enough to really affect Graves’ waistline, but Tina loves to bring him sweats when he is around - she loves every moment of watching David eat. He eats like he doesn’t deserve it. She loves to see him in awe of his food. She loves to see him happy. David is Graves’ fears in one body. He’s afraid of spiders, of all things - though he won’t make a sound. He’ll just politely and awkwardly excuse himself from the spider’s space. It’s adorable. He’s afraid of eye contact. Afraid of beautiful men or ladies (Queenie especially, which makes her fond of him to no end). Afraid of Picquery - he practically runs from the woman.Afraid his aurors won’t come home.When he’s around and the aurors go on missions, he nervously switches from foot to foot, hand twitching as though to reach out. The first time Tina hugs him before a mission, he sinks into her gratefully and sighs into her hair - “Please be careful.” DOUGLAS - Douglas is a soft spoken man, but he is also a deadly man. His body moves like a cat. He was trained to kill. He is the fire in Graves during a duel. He is his stealth, his endless energy, his power. The one time he was present to accompany them on a raid, they closed up the mission in minutes rather than hours. He is a force to be reckoned with - unbridled and passionate. Where Graves was controlled, he is a tornado. Anything and everything in his path laid to waste. They knew their Director was powerful.What they did not know was that Graves was like an iceberg and all that they had seen was just the deadly tip - miles of possibilities silent below the surface.Douglas is incredibly protective of them. He binds their injuries when they come back. He trains them when he can. He works out with them. He’s hard on them. He wants them to be safe. He knows that some of them won’t come back. He subtly says goodbye to them each time they leave; hopeful, but pessimistic. JERRY -Tina avoids Jerry. He is deadly just as Douglas is deadly, but not because he was trained to be a weapon - because he is a predator. She can see it in his eyes. Danger, fighting, blood, war - these things are fun to Jerry. And with a start she realizes that while many parts of Graves regret the causalities of his job - the victims, the death, the violence - one part of him is thrilled by it. Thrilled by his power, by his ability to survive, to win, to overcome. Not only that, but Jerry is Graves’ sexuality. Something she honestly didn’t even think the man had. Quiet and subdued and professional as he is, it’s hard to think that Jerry stems from him. That the raw sexuality that Jerry puts into his hips when he towers over Tina despite being shorter than Tina comes from Graves in some capacity - that their stern director is capable of making that steamy look. He makes aurors beeline for the bathrooms. He makes Queenie blush one day just by passing and no doubt sending her a stray thought because he knows she can hear him. He wears tight shirts and tight pants and absolutely nothing that leaves anything to the imagination. She didn’t know his butt was so pert. That his crotch could make a pair of pants bulge like that and – the aurors don’t like to write on Jerry’s page often. No one wants to admit how…effective his advances are.There is one note that suddenly appears one day below Jerry. It says simply: “Where the hell is he getting all these apples?!”THERE ARE OTHERS, TOO -Tina knows there’s more. There’s a page labeled Charles, but no one managed to glean much information about him yet. Another named ‘John’ and ‘Jim’. There’s ‘Danny’ - a young, professional man who most resembles what the older aurors consider to be Graves’ younger self when he first entered the department. He’s sharp as a whip, very fond of Graves’ usual fashion, and all too eager to rush into the field and catch their man. He’s familiar in a way that makes’ Tina’s heart hurt.But none hurt as much as the man himself. Tina has only found him once, huddled in the corner of his office - blank eyes staring out over the hills of his knees, curled in tight on himself. He doesn’t answer when she calls to him. She sits beside him and waits, hoping he’ll say something. He just trembles instead. She decides to fill the silence with her voice and hopes it’ll bring him home. She talks about Jacob’s bakery and Newt’s new book. She tells him about the Occamy that lives in her dresser because somehow it got left behind, though it doesn’t seem to mind. Embarrassingly enough, it appears to love the soft silk of Tina’s panties. She talks about their missions and their progress. She tells him about the weather, in case he hasn’t been around to notice.She only stops when a large, shaking hand finally reaches for hers in the space between them. When she looks over to him, he’s not staring at nothing anymore - he’s looking at her. He looks exhausted. Dark circles beneath his eyes, his gaze haunted. He looks weak. He looks lost.He looks like home. He looks like Percival Graves.Her eyes fill before she can stop herself.“I miss you,” she whimpers.He licks his lips and tries to smile. He almost manages it, too.“I know,” he says. “I miss you, too.”