#I'm sorry but even mor is less of a pick me than they are

[lainalit]

Grown ass women in this fandom: uwu Rhysand has so much trauma he did nothing wrong and if he did the people probably deserved it 🥺👉👈

Also them: Nesta is the worst like how can you as a fourteen year old make your sister hunt and she is so abusive how she called feyre a wild animal and she should suffer more because she told feyre about the pregnancy that will k*ll her 😡😤

[brb-on-a-quest]

Day Fourteen Day Fifteen Day Sixteen

im SOOOOO SORRY that I left you guys hanging those two days! *cries* the first one I genuinely forget, and the second I was too busy to do it- and I think that this is not the first time this might happen, since the farm (oh yeah, if you're not one of my regular followers, you should know I'm a farmhand lol) is picking up steam, during my down time Im trying to do more physical rest for my body to recover. which means unfortuantely, Ive been spending less time on here in general, and that my longer posts that take more time to write have had to pause for a while.

so, I'm sorry to say but this is the last day i'll be able to do this for a while, but maybe forever. I've had so much fun with it and loved to see everybody's different answers, and how we've all connected!! but for at least a few days/weeks, I need a bit of a break lol. if anyone wants to pick up this game again, with the same list of people I've given already or different ones, you are more than welcome to! and I'm not leaving Tumblr, I'm just not going to do this particular ask game anymore.

our final question: what is something that you you want in your life, and what can you do to achieve it? what steps do you need to take to earn the life you see yourself living?

thank all of you so much! I hope to return again maybe sometime! I wish you all the best :)

Awww no worries gracie! take care of yourself first. Def appreciate all the work it must've taken to come up with good questions. I'll be sure to haunt your inbox soon with hopefully some equally thought-provoking (or not) questions.

ok, actual question: our final question: what is something that you you want in your life, and what can you do to achieve it? what steps do you need to take to earn the life you see yourself living?

To be honest, this question has haunted me for the past...well since before high school. (has it really been almost 10 years since I was a baby highschool freshman?). To be also perfectly honest, my depression and anxiety were so bad I was never convinced I would make it as far as I did... which allowed me to put off answering the question for a long while until the Hour of College Applications approached.

Well, against all previous conceptions of my future, I am still alive and about to graduate in December (literally how) and set to walk across the beautiful stage in May to get my undergrad diploma with some kind of academic honors (I forget the Latin for it). Definitely not the highest GPA, but I am relatively proud of myself considering the effort and, for lack of a better phrase, blood, sweat, and tears that have gone into this. So, steps that need to happen in order to graduate

Pass classes (Preferably with A's but I'm also in a position where hopefully my self-esteem won't die with a B or 2).

Write and Finish my thesis (shaking crying throwing up I don't have enough capacity for this even if it's only 15 pages in Spanish)

Study and hopefully pass a GRE (graduate school readiness exam I think? 'cuz I'm told it's a good idea for master's school applications I can not stress enough how much I hate standardized tests and am so anxious about this that I haven't even opened my books yet, I've just been throwing myself into thesis research instead; I 'know not all schools require this but I'm going into something that's not my major, so I feel some kind of need to prove myself).

Apply to graduate schools for counseling!

Only four things... it shouldn't be so bad.... one would think... (can I please just skip to the part where this is over why do people call college the best years of my life).

The other thing I want to work on is just being a better person and in particular a better friend. My goal is therapy, particularly pediatric therapy because it's such a neglected area where I'm from and also in general I think because there tends to be stereotypes of "oh children can't have mental health problems." but doing that means I want to develop more compassion, friendliness, and patience and gentleness and actual listening skills while being assertive...yk an environment that nurtures personal and other's growth. Which is really hard. Progress has been made but still more to go.

[usopp-writes]

So I am so thirsty for some Buggy content and I want to see how you write him. It can be fluffy, smutty or just some fun stuff. Would you please give me some Buggy x reader stuff? I'll give you cookies. Thank you <3

I'm so sorry for the wait, but I finally got to find my inner Buggy. He might be flashy, but he's not easily pursuaded to inspire me, lol. Anyway, here's a little drabble about the flashiest clown in the world of One Piece.

Enjoy <3

Buggy x GN reader SFW Word count: 676

You hadn’t expected that your relationship with the man of your dreams would start off like this. Actually, you never thought any of your relationships would start off like this, but it happened. It was weird and you had never heard anyone starting off their relationship by patching up a pirate? However, this was how you started your relationship, though not with the man you patched up, but his captain. You still couldn’t fathom how it happened, but now it didn’t matter. You were happy and seeing the world, with your man at your side.

“What’s on ya mind, babe.”

You turned your head and smiled at your love. “You as always. Was just reminiscing about how I met you.”

He burst into laughter and pulled you onto his lap, his face was placed on your shoulder. “By all means, remind me again how I captured your heart.”

You chuckled and noticed how everyone was looking at you, eager to hear the story for the hundredth time or so. This crew never got tired of hearing how you and Buggy got together. They didn’t even get tired of seeing the two of you showering each other in PDA and kisses, all just cheering for your love. You loved them for this; loved them for not making you or your captain feel embarrassed by the love you had for each other.

“Okay, okay.” You chuckled and started. “So there I was, watching the doctor’s office, as he was out for lunch, when a giant lion barged into the office with Mohji on his back. It startled me, but I quickly regained myself and checked the injured man. Not that it was that bad …”

“Easy for you to say, you weren’t the one with a stab wound.” Mohji interrupted you.

“It only needed a few stiches and as an assistant nurse, I could do that without needing the doctor’s supervision.” You continued, ignoring Moji’s interjection. “Just as I’d finished patching Mohji up, the door was busted open for a second time and in walked Buggy, trying his best to look intimidating. I’d seen worse tries, though Buggy’s was the best. He declared that he wouldn’t pay for the treatment, as they hadn’t asked for it.”

“Damn right we didn’t.” Cabaji commented.

You shook your head, chuckling to yourself. “I told Buggy I couldn’t care less whether he paid me in cash or a dinner, but pay me for my work he would. Part of me was just joking, as I didn’t expect a handsome pirate like him to show any interest in an average person like myself. Oh boy, I was wrong, as he accepted paying me with a dinner. A cheap one, but the price hadn’t been discussed and frankly, I didn’t mind.”

You’d been attracted to him from the moment you’d laid eyes on him; his long blue hair and his eyes that was trying so hard to show he was the big bad pirate, but you saw he was just a man with a dream that had been picked on. Just like your dream often was picked on. To be sailing the seas as a nurse. You didn’t want the responsibilities as a doctor, you liked being a nurse, but the lack of drive made people laugh at you.

“I wouldn’t settle with an average person, babe.” Buggy commented. “No, I need one with a bright personality and you telling me off like that told me you were more than just your average nurse. That’s why I accepted and why I took you along. You’re almost as flashing as me.”

You laughed and turned your head to kiss him on the cheek. Buggy might seem flashy and over-confident, but you and the crew knew better. You knew he was more than the show he put on for others; knowing he was a caring and loyal friend, captain and lover. And he showed you that you too were more than your average nurse. Buggy brought forth your true self and for that, you loved him.

[dragon-swords-prophecies]

As mentioned earlier, the Rambles (about that one new wip thing I may have mentioned!)

i would like to formally apologize for the length of this. I'm sorry. I'm not sure any of it makes sense after the cut, to be honest. i would also like to say sorry for the fact that this is likely the only thing i will talk about for the next week or two.

It has a title! A title which I really like! Silence and Secondhand Souls. (other options included but were not limited to "Remember, Remember" and "Memory of Fire") I like the title I picked very much. Already said that. whoops. also it has a scrivener project so that's fun. i'm thinking that if i can get a draft 0 of this done before november and i can plot out from that where i want draft 1 to go that this might be my nano 2022 project? who knows.

Okay. So general vibes I'm getting from it are that its a tragedy. history repeating itself over and over. everyone is going to die, and then in some number of years the cycle will start again, but with new pieces, and if history gets bored of one antagonist then the heroes will win for once, but then she'll find a new one and it starts all over again (side note: i need to find a name for a goddess of history. if only for my own note taking purposes).

lotta inevitability in this one, at least that's what i'm going for? like. everything has happened before, the game is already lost, but it's repeating again with different pieces just to go through the motions.

and more below cut because this got long! very long! in the range of more than a thousand words total long. whoops (the Below includes several small rambles, typed up versions of my notes (but like. the funny ones only, even if they aren't actually funny (they're not but i think they are)), quotes (paraphrased & not) that give off the correct vibes to me about the story, who on earth the antagonist is and also who's the narrator, and why I'm writing it in past tense, again (and its not just because I hate present tense stuff & am incapable of writing in it! its because the narrator is telling the story after she died, the narrator is the protagonist just more dead and with less hope).

uhh as far as i can tell its going to be long, probably, either that or incredibly short, but probably long. also the narrator is the protagonist telling the story in past tense, after she's already dead. literal version of the character has been dead since the beginning trope. set about 250 years before frost & fire. like the burning of A'sshye/Redari & Anastrannia loosing their mother and their extended family is one of the major events that happens because the MCs in this one fail.

which means! dizerdrat, the antagonist for frost & fire, is back again! still power hungry, still very much a dragon, but younger, and more reckless and more prone to doing things like, say, burning down and entire elven town because you're mad at a single guy living in it or something like that.

probably queer! definitely involving at least one dragon.

oh and also. i wrote in a notebook in very messy handwriting last night what will likely end up being the opening for draft 0/draft 1, and looks like Alex (the narrator) is breaking the fourth wall a lot. directly addressing the reader, like she knows what she's doing, that she's in a story. maybe she does. i'll find out eventually.

some of the more interesting notes i wrote down were (typed up from my notes so no one has to see my terrible handwriting):

~ TRADEGY!!!!!

~ maybe about the first group who tried to stop dizerdrat? and how they failed? how dizerdrat is an evil thats lasted for centuries and he can't be stopped (ish). about the ones who lost before.

~ history plays the same game over and over, just with new pieces each round.

~ mythica vibes. that's all.

~ for advice or help or magic or something

also one of my possible titles and i kinda am sad that i can't use it because it doesn't fit right was: 'how to die (and fail class in the process)'

oh and i wrote down several quotes or paraphrased quotes (these bits were mostly at 4-5:30 in the morning, so i, uh, heavily paraphrased some of it when i wrote in down then. but. i like the vibes from the stuff, so here it is):

~ "the war is won, the fight is done, but what's the cost?" (aka from the buffy musical episode, i couldn't remember the last bit. Or all of it apparently. i googled the actual quote just now, it's "the battle's done and we kind of won". so that fits too!)

~ "who lives, who dies, who tells your story?" (i think we all probably know where this one's from. hamilton. but like. it works and i like the vibe it gives off in relation to the story so it goes here)

and then some more quotes (or lyrics. i have many a song from the buffy musical episode stuck in my brain) that have the correct vibes that i've just now thought of now that's im more awake:

~ "Apocalypse? // We've all been there // The same old trips // Why should we care?" (buffy musical episode again. but very much the vibe of history is repeating it self, we've all done this before)

~ "Life's a show // And we all play our parts" (buffy musical episode. that's where like half of these are from. i didn't really like any of the episodes really after she left highschool (excluding a couple halloween ones, and I'm only about halfway through season six but ill probably never finish it) but this one was fantastic. first episode i ever saw, actually. wonderful job they did)

~ "this happened a long time ago in a world far, far away from the one you know. it is already over. nothing can be done to change it." (novelization of revenge of the sith. i like the quote. saw it on a gif set once and googled it and it lead to this).

~ "but no one gets up after death. there is no applause. there is only silence and secondhand clothes. and that's death." (act 3 of rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead. actually where i got the idea for the title from. i very much like it. this one i know about because i saw it on fan art of mollymauk's death from critical role, and i googled it because i thought it was quite cool).

~ "heroes don't get happy endings. they give them to other people." (a book stephanie garber wrote. i dont know which book. i found it when i went through a quotes from books blog on tumblr a couple months ago. i like it)

~ "all things spin towards stillness and an end." (from the heroforge mini's instagram page, on a post i happened to see, some tuesdays ago. i googled it. appears to have been an original creation, cause the only thing that shows up is them)

~ "in the end, we all become stories." (margret atwood. from a book, maybe. i don't know. found it on the same tumblr book quotes blog as the one two back. really, really like it)

oh and if you've made it this far you can go now, but i want to say a final thing first (i mean you could have gone at any point prior to this, i will be quite surprised if anyone reads this far, and you can go now if you want!):

the inspiration for this was the trailer for the new dnd setting/board game that's coming out late 2022 (the dragonlance one. i do not give a single f about spell jammer or whatever it's called. but dragonlance is the best setting ever and i will maintain this stance until they come up with another one that has dragon riders and more dragons and basically is entirely about dragons, and also has such fantastic books to go with it (referring to only the original trilogy here, as i have only read those three plus a couple of the direct sequels)). also the name of the dnd movie, which is 'honor among thieves'. how did i get from that to a tragedy about death and inevitability and history repeating itself? i have no clue, but it has something to do with adhd & also this paraphrased quote from the trailer. "...we must still fight on. not for victory. not for kings. not even for glory. but for each other."

i mean my first page and a half of notes and rambles was much more in line with that but then this happened shortly after i hit the halfway mark on the second page of notes (for context. i filled 8 pages of notes in a medium sized note book (about the size of a bullet journal). somehow.

[onewomancitadel]

Have you read Cinder Fall's page on the wiki? Do agree with how they've characterized her personality?

Hi anon, thanks for your ask.

I think I read it once many years ago, made a sound of disgust and closed the tab. If you go to the wiki, or indeed to any fanwikia, for character interpretation, you're probably in for a hard time; even moreso if they happen to be a polarising character.

I don't trust the fanwikia for that type of thing, but even then they make mistakes of attributing their interpretation as fact (there was a historic tantrum I had on this blog about the way they depicted the breakage of Jaune's Crocea Mors and Cinder's involvement in that. I think whether she did it deliberately or not is worth discussion).

I admit that there's still a use for fanwikias and I don't want to knock on them, but you see an issue with fanwikias where 'only objective facts matter' and 'my interpretation is objective fact' are both conflated.

In my eyes, the point of narrative is interpretation.

I much prefer the interpretative (and transformative) end of fandom. Despite the flaws of places like Tumblr, that's what we do best.

Someone else beat me to it, but there was a video by Shaun (the YouTuber) criticising the way Wikipedia portrays the story of Ex Machina, with a definitive interpretation which is actually profoundly incorrect and misses all of the themes of the film (and the point of interpreting the ending). That's where you can see real pitfalls to this type of thing. (I should just note that I don't watch Shaun's videos or really many video essays bar for a few exceptions because they do by and large annoy me, but I did like the effort and agree with him. I am not so curmudgeonly, I promise).

I am going to be generous and say that I don't know how V8 might have shifted the interpretation of her (seems like it's added some pathos to her - have had many comments from people saying they view her as quite sad/depressing/tragic) and I don't think it's wholly fair of me to knock on them completely; I still think my criticism stands, though, of fanwikias generally, and why I ignore them and go to somewhere like Tumblr instead.

However, if you are looking for my opinion on the way others criticise or interpret Cinder, you can see that throughout my blog, especially documented under the Cindemption tag. I can offer a taster, for instance, with a recent post like this which discusses the fandom reception of 'power' in her story, and us making the same mistake with her story that she does.

I should add a P.S. which is that I'm not looking to pick fights, and I would actually prefer to avoid looking at the wikia. I'm happy in my own corner and I don't really care about it. Again, I think wikias have a purpose, I just think that purpose should be contained.

Then again, there's even deeper stuff there where an assumption that the emotional purpose of narrative is less valuable than... facts? ... which I take issue with.

Hope you have a nice day anon, sorry if this isn't the answer you wanted, but this is the way I am. Lol

[gwyns]

I'm surprised I haven't seen anyone draw parallels between Feyre leaving Tamlin for her Mate to Elain leaving Azriel for her Mate. (Ignoring the fact I hate Rhysand, the books obviously want me to think he's the best person ever so I'll just pretend). Because that's what I see happening.

Elain and Azriel are so clearly rebounds for one another. Elain's still grieving her human love and life, and Azriel is still hung up on Mor. They're both quiet and available, so they jump to each other. That's it. The Azriel POV was purely about what he wants. How he wants to fuck her and taste her. He's just sex to her.

Even if E/riels had a more convincing case, it's not like SJM hasn't pulled a SIKE on us before. If she goes anywhere with E/riel, she'll undoubtedly pull it back. SJM doesn't take Mating bonds lightly, and she's stated that she loves Lucien. And if anyone deserves the happiness of a bond, it's him.

Feyre and Rhys, and Cassian and Nesta, all had relationships/lovers before Mating. Elain "liking" Az now, (which we're not even clear on), doesn't really mean much.

I'd like to hear your thoughts! You're so good at this, and you always explain my thoughts so perfectly. Love and light 💕💕💕

honestly there are quite a few feysand/elucien parallels that people either don't see or choose to ignore.

rhysand was first presented as a villain to feyre, the same could be applied to lucien just bc of his envolvement with tamlin (that he wrongfully gets blamed for btw idk why e/riels love blaming tamlin's mistakes on lucien). feyre was engaged before she went to rhys, elain was engaged before she met lucien. both were/are? still hung up on their former fiances. feysand as a couple represents the night, elucien would represent (at least in part) day. it's literally night and day with them. they're similar but also wholly their own pairing, it's fascinating to me.

anyway i think i will use this ask to spill some of my e/riel opinions sorry about that! alright let's start off with this controversial statement: i don't think e/riel was ever meant to be endgame.

i've seen it said a few times over the years that sarah changed her mind about elucien and while that's possible bc she also previously changed her mind on lucien and nesta one has to ask themselves..... if she wanted to write a mate bond rejection why didn't she stick with her original plan of lucien and nesta being mates? she's said herself that they wouldn't work but she chose to change lucien's mate to someone who compliments him better, and it's to feyre's other sister no less. that tells me lucien is important and powerful, he's mated to one of the sisters, one of the key players of the entire series.

another point is we can assume (and we could be wrong, let me put this here before someone yells at me or vague blogs about it) that sjm had an elucien endgame in mind when writing acowar, right? and when she was touring for that book hadn't she already started work on acofas? and we know that she's never on social media, so if she had an elucien endgame in mind when she wrote all of the supposed e/riel "evidence" where does that leave us?

drama. tension. conflict. angst.

i think that's what it all comes down to. people will say that elucien was a front while e/riel is the true endgame but... it all seems a bit easy, doesn't it? e/riel is right in your face while elucien is silently brewing in the background. what if the bait and switch isn't elucien, but e/riel?

sarah has shown us before that she likes to use her characters as ways for her other characters to end up with their endgame matches. for example, without tamlin, feyre wouldn't have met rhys. and moving over to throne of glass for a second, if not for chaol, aelin wouldn't have met rowan. and in turn, if aelin hadn't given yrene the money she needed in tab, chaol wouldn't have met her.

are the e/riel scenes romantically coded? yes, probably. i'm not saying they aren't, some people picked up on it but i personally didn't get that vibe myself, especially in acowar, but acofas kinda blurred the lines a bit. but even then, i didn't think they'd work out and i still don't understand the arguments that are supposed to be in their favor from that book. elain says she doesn't want a male so that excludes lucien but not azriel somehow? that line means she doesn't want any fae, she wants a human man, she wants graysen. then we have lucien saying he can't even stand to be in the same room as elain which i never read as a "oh i hate this person" kinda way. no, it's bc the whole situation between them is awkward and it obviously makes both of them uncomfortable. it doesn't help when literally all of the inner circle is constantly around them, and being in the night court in general doesn't give them the privacy to get to know each other.

some people like to ask why build e/riel up at all if they're not going to be together? one thing i've always loved about sjm's books is how she can write relationships. now, let's say you meet someone irl and you like them, eventually maybe fall in love with them, and fail to notice how they're not good for you. maybe everyone around you can see it, but you don't. you want a relationship and you're in a decent one, it should work out. like they're not a bad person, this relationship just isn't right for you in the long run. why waste your time? it's life. sometimes things are good for you at a certain point in time but not later on. sometimes you just end up in a relationship that was never good for you. sometimes you fall out of love with someone. you're constantly learning and adapting to things and that's my stance on e/riel. i think they're both looking for companionship and they're the "safest" and most available option.

taking it back to acofas, azriel was relived to not have to get elain a gift and was still gazing longingly at mor. now in acosf he's avoiding talking about her while wanting to fuck elain and getting defensive when helion mentions mor. he's not over her. he's not going to just completely forget 500 years of pining bc elain showed up, especially when they haven't even helped one another to move on. if they had, we would have seen the proof of that. not just "oh she's hot we both want sex", that doesn't make a healthy relationship.

as for elain, she's been taught she has to act a certain way her entire life. she has to downplay her trauma and emotions to appease others so they don't worry about her. maybe she's even had visions involving lucien that upset/scare her somehow and she's reaching out for something else. i think they're both lonely and desperate (at least on az's end) for someone that they ultimately are drawn to the wrong people.

as for the lack of elucien development... this is how i see it. if they're endgame, why would sarah have all of their big moments happen off screen or as a throwaway line in acosf? elain is getting a book, we know this, and with how much of the story is tied to lucien and how much is left unresolved with him, we can also assume he'd get a pov at some point. so imo it makes sense for the fact we got little to no development for them in acosf. no, she wants a huge wedge between them so we can watch them come together. the payoff will be that much sweeter. kinda similar to how she put a wedge between nessian before acosf, sure they had more development in acowar than elucien but i think that's bc sarah knew they'd get the first spinoff. she had to give them that development whereas elucien can wait, a bit longer. it's frustrating yes but i do think we'll get something in acotar 5.

maybe i'm an optimistic fool, maybe sarah did at one point have an endgame in mind for them, but i find it hard to believe she wouldn't see how wrong they are for each other in the long run. she's very good at showing us how well characters fit together with just a few lines.

[dragonslayer-5fanfiction]

Suga x Reader

This is pretty cute. I like it. Suga is one of my favourites, but not my absolute favourite, idk if I could pinpoint one. Anyway there are more coming, I just have to finish and edit. So without further ado, here you go....

Also if you want to be on a taglist let me know!

You waited patiently outside the door for Suga to answer. You felt like he was taking his own sweet time to mess with me. Hearing shuffles on the other side of the door you smiled.

“Finally. I thought you got lost in your own house.” You teased once the door opened.

“Ha ha.”

“Oooh, with sarcasm like that you sound like Tsukishima.” You muttered sliding into my slippers.

“Knock it off.” He said pinching my side. You jerked away with a laugh. “See that’s what you get.”

“You’re ridiculous.” You said stopping in the doorway of his room, “Ko, I’m flattered. All this for me?” You said, placing your hand over your heart, staring at the aray of snacks, pillows, and blankets spread on his bed.

“No, it’s all for me. You can sit on the floor.” He was snickering.

“Cute Koushi. Cute.” You said ignoring his protests as you climbed onto my side of the bed. He grumbled as he climbed in behind you. “What are we watching tonight?”

“It's a surprise.” He said pressing play on his laptop. You sighed and turned your attention to the screen. You made it about an hour into the movie before losing interest. Your attention was turned to Suga’s phone when it kept vibrating.

“Anything interesting?” You asked looking at him.

“Hmm? Oh uh no.” His phone vibrated again, seeming to contradict his statement. “Well, it’s just the other third years.”

“Oh, then why are you blushing? What’s the conversation about?”

“They’re just teasing me.” He mumbled.

“Why? Did you do something embarrassing?”

“What! No. yout’s that-” He sighed pausing briefly, “-there’s this girl I like. They’re teasing me and telling me to confess.” You felt your gut twist unpleasantly at the thought of this girl. You pulled your phone out, and scrolled through.

“So tell me about her. Maybe you can help.” You said nonchalantly.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why? We’re friends right?”

“Well yeah.”

“Then why not tell me?”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Is it because I know them? Are they in our year?”

“Yes and yes.”

“Ko, just tell me.” Your stomach was twisting and the knife was being driven in further each time he spoke. ‘We’re best friends, we tell each other everything, well at least I thought we did. This is just hurting me more and more.’ You thought.

“Well, she’s pretty. She’s so smart, and funny. She gets my sense of humour. And she’s so generous and selfless.” He rambled.

‘She’s everything I'm not. Of course he likes her, why wouldn’t he. I bet it’s Kiyoko. They’ve been spending more and more time together recently.’

“She sounds great.” You said with fake enthusiasm, sending a text to your friend.

“She is. It makes it difficult to think about anything other than her. I like her so-” He stopped at the sound of your phone ringing.

“Sorry.” You said sliding off the bed and stepping into the hallway. It was your friend.

“Yeah I'm fine. Well- I’ll explain later. Needed an excuse to leave. Okay bye. Talk later.” You said hanging up trying not to cry. You walked back into the room and stood awkwardly by his side of the bed. “Hey, I’m really sorry about this, but that was my mom. She asked me to come home. I’m sorry to cut this short.”

“It's fine. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” He said standing and walking you out.

“Yeah of course.” You said, throwing on your shoes and waving goodbye. You couldn’t stop thinking about Suga and this girl. You know it’s not his fault, but you still couldn’t help but be mad.

“Hey.” You said once my friend picked up. “I'm on my way home. Nothing bad happened. We were talking, and he was telling about this girl he likes. She’s nothing like me. I’m upset. Angry. I had to get out of there.” You paused, wiping the tears from your cheeks. “I’m pretty sure it's Kiyoko. They’ve been getting closer lately, and I wouldn’t be surprised. It just hurts you know. Maybe we should stop being friends, it would hurt less than seeing him with someone else.” You rambled as you walked home.

The following day you did everything you could to avoid Suga. You’re mad, you didn’t want to see him. You’re also trying to slowly distance yourself from him. Being in separate classes helps, so the only time you had to really avoid him was during lunch and were successful for the next week. One day you almost caved and ate lunch with him, but he was eating with Kiyoko. You felt my stomach churn and no longer had an appetite. You stood there for a minute, tears springing to your eyes.

“Is everything okay?” Daichi asked, coming up behind you.

“Yeah, why?”

“You seem off this past week, and you look like you’re going to cry. Suga also said he’s hardly seen you this past week.” Daichi noted.

“No, I’m fine. I just didn’t want to come between him and his girlfriend.” You said bitterly without thinking.

“His girlfriend?”

“Nevermind. I’ll see you later.”

“Y/N!” Suga called when he saw you talking to Daichi. You ignored him and ran, missing the way he looked dejected. You avoided him even more after that, and when the following movie night rolled around, you decided to skip. You gave no explanation, and he never asked. ‘Must have a date tonight.’ you thought to yourself. You were laying in bed scrolling through your phone, when there was a knock on the door.

“Uh, come in.” You said not looking up, expecting my mom or sibling to walk in.

“It’s movie night. Did you forget?” Your head snapped up at the sound of Suga’s voice.

“No. I just didn’t think we were having it.”

“Why wouldn’t we? We always do.” Suga said.

“I figured you were busy.” You replied not looking away from your phone.

“Figured I was busy, or didn’t want to see me?” He asked knowingly.

“Busy.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Not my problem.” You said looking at him.

“What’s going on? You’ve been avoiding me since you abruptly left last week. I know that wasn’t your mom. And Daichi said he saw you almost crying the other day.” He gave you a pointed look.

“Nothing, I just figured you wouldn’t have time for me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I figured with your new girlfriend, you’d be too busy.”

“Girlfriend?” He blanched.

“Don’t play dumb. I saw you with Kiyoko, multiple times. Plus she matches your crush description to a T.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” He defended.

“Fine, but she matches your crush description.” You argued back. He sighed.

“It’s not her.”

“Really?” You asked looking at him.

“You’re so dumb.” He sighed.

“What! Excuse-” he cut you off.

“You. You match my crush's description.”

“Wha- no I don’t.”

“Yes you do.”

“No Kou, I’m literally none of those things. Particularly pretty. Don’t play with me right now.” You said tears welling in your eyes at the joke he was playing.

“Negativity begone!” He yelled and karate chopped you in the stomach.

“OW! What was that for?”

“For not believing me. I'm not lying. I'm not joking. They were teasing me because it was practically a date, and I couldn’t find the courage to confess.”

“Ko,” you said, reaching out for him. He grabbed your hands and pulled you to your feet. “I like you too.”

“Good, because this would be awkward.”

“What, awkw-” You were cut off by him leaning down and pressing a quick chaste kiss to your lips. He laughed when you chased his lips as he pulled away.

“Come on. Let’s have our movie date night.” He said pulling you to the bed and cuddling you.

[exolstice-blog]

Interlude | Sehun

Genre: Fluff af ; Proposal AU

Description: Sea-salt and sunrise, mayhaps a question of faith, it was an interlude, one he couldn't say.

Word Count: 1600

Warning: You might stan Vivi.

Author's Note: I did this for Vivi.

Sehun was onto something. You felt it.

It was certainly a surprise that your sweetheart—ever the not-so-much-an-early-bird—set himself to drive you to the nearest pier to catch that morning's sunrise.

"—every day waiting for you, darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand mor—"

More so with all the gimmicks being pulled.

Click.

"What are you—"

Click, click, click.

"---so wHAT WE GET DRUNK, SO WHAT WE SMOKE WEED, WE'RE JUST HAVING FUN WE DON'T CARE WHO SEES."

"What the hell," your sweetheart almost failed with the steering wheel as you screamed, head swaying to the beat and a pup barking in your lap.

"Did I scare you, baby?"

"Well, if you're going to scream like that—"

"I'm sorry, Vivi-ah," you lifted the doggy and buried your face in his fur, side glancing a scoffing Sehun to your left.

"Will you lower the volume, I'm going to have a headache," he patted your thigh with a soft smile, which was really something closer to a grimace.

Yes, he was really onto something.

"But you really liked this song," you whined, reaching for some more 'clicks' upon the radio to soften the music.

"I do, it's just so early morning," Sehun gave you only a few sleepy glances with squinty eyes that appeared more hooded, the air turbulent against his hair and the open window, playing little slap slaps against its momentum.

"Which is exactly why I need playing it loud," you retributed with puckered lips, picking at Vivi's curls and swirling them on your fingers. "I can't handle ballads or anything of those fluffs right now, I might fall asleep."

"I would wake you up, then," he offered, cherry plump lips molding into a soft gesture,l landing his hand first on the puppy's head and then on your knee, where he kept it.

"And miss this view?" You threw your arms open so as to motion to the far-stretching sea banks and sand—only to nestle your head upon your hand as you rested your elbow against the window and took your sweetheart's profile like a shot of firewater, giddy and rebellious.

"You're looking at me," Sehun posed a cool facade, one that emulated the nurtured looks he'd fashioned in the months of playing a game of 'look an don't touch', during which you'd renunciated to any of your prides and prejudices and resolved to pursuing him. He smiled, "Why?"

"Because you're beautiful," your hand reached to brush back a strand of hair from his eyes—that really only made him the more handsome—so fast Vivi jumped alert, paws on your tummy. Giggles intensifying when you stretched his cheek out more and more, so that it became squishy, "Aren't you so beautiful?"

"Hmhm." Sehun had his eyes on the road still, though you know it was quite the labor to keep them from rolling back on their sockets.

You weren't much a romantic spirit (dates were fine, so long as it would take you less than thirty to be ready, of course), and neither was him. But times like this were a treasure, something to be found and kept, locked away from prying hands. It was only Sehun and you and nothing more and that was fine. He liked it that way, you knew well, knew him enough to know. And enough to know something was up.

"Is there something bothering you?" You asked, unwilling to let go of his cheek as he'd rather leaned more into your hand, neck craning.

"Why would there be?" He switched his eyes over to you slightly, before taking a turn into another road.

"Your eyes crinkle when you smile, but you're not smiling. They do that too when you're worried about work or when you have a fight with someone, did something like that happen?"

Sehun did smile then, "You really do stare at me too much, don't you?"

You made a face, stretching and releasing his cheek when he cried his apologies. By then you'd reached the pier, there were some paths of vast stones that were flat and provided good footing. You struggled with Vivi a few when he kicked around to be set free, totally reluctant to get his collar on, and more when the sea-salt colored wind blew your hair around and into your eyes.

"Fucking—"

"I got it, don't worry," Sehun weaved his fingers into the tangles of your hair and combed it down, chuckling whenever you cursed at a particularly harsh pull. It was taking longer than it should have, tying your hair, and you felt him closer, breaths intertwining with the kiss of the ocean on your neck.

"Are you trying to braid her hair, or what?" You laughed at your own mockery, setting Vivi's head on your shoulder and playing a voice that in your little game would be his.

"Uh, not really, I'm just," Sehun stammered, unfaced by the made-up talking dog, hurrying his movements and caressing your back when the job was terminated, smiling once you settled the puppy down and did a double take at the sea.

"It smells amazing."

"It does," Sehun's palm lingered on your hair, and his happy-mouth widened. "You do—"

"LOOK AT THAT FUCKING WAVE, WOW," You dashed for the small current, shivering when the ocean reached your ankle. You looked back at Sehun to find his hand outstretched, as if in mid-motion. It was incredibly funny, "What?"

He retracted stiffly and took his hand onto the other, massaging it as if it stung, "Nothing. I'm going to, uh, see what's for breakfast."

You frowned. Something truly was fucking up. Sehun wouldn't remember to pack breakfast in, like, any situation, no bloody exceptions. He was too much of an (and you were allowed to say it) irresponsible fool to even fathom the possibility of being human and having a tendency to, you know, just survive—

Oh.

You stared at him in panic. Were you forgetting something? An anniversary? His birthday? Good lord, heavens knew how that went the time you took eleven minutes longer to text him that night. But, no, it wasn't the twelfth. Then—

Squee.

It flew at you, full force. It was unavoidable, the damn squishy. It struck you square in the chest, quite near your boob, and heavens bloody knew how much that hurt like a bitch.

"Sehun, what the fuck?" You collected Vivi's toy as the pup came running up—it was the one with hard material, too, the one that kept treats inside—and yanked it at your sweetheart with a fury.

"I'm sorry, oh my God, I'm sorry," you heard him yell back embarrassed, and you didn't quite look at him and he didn't quite look at you. Good, let him think you're mad. You loved the way he became whenever he tried to appease your tempers, ever this soft malleable thing that would become a doll if you so wished to, clad in butler's getup and—

Squee.

Vivi's squishy broke through your fantasies, and you kneeled to give him a lecture, only to be immediately softened by his heart-fluttering antics. You were mush.

"You need some help, huh?" You tickled his head until his whole body shook, the metal piece of his collar jingling ecstatic. It was a new one, you noticed, one you hadn't seen the moment you put it on him. You were curious, alright, so you shivered and read it's new tag.

Will.

Your immediate thought was 'what the fuck', and when you turned it over to read the following word—You—your next to immediate thought was 'what the fuck' too.

Squee.

Your forehead wrinkled in thought, your fingers agile to open the treat toy. And you saw it.

It was a pure band, simple an untouched, somehow an emblem for every one thing you'd be able to put into it. There was a cord attached to it, made of silk, with words that finished the beginning of a promise, but just the interlude of a song. Will You Be—

"—the sunrise I wake up to every morning?"

His steps had been so quiet but he now stood before you. You raised slowly, craddling the ring in your palm like a baby, like something that needed to be cared for and loved.

Your sweetheart held your eyes. Oh Sehun saw you.

"Will you..."

Say it.

"W-Will you..."

Come on.

"W-WILL YOU."

"Will I what?" There was only a blurred sun and moon and sky and Sehun Sehun Sehun, forever only Sehun.

"I-I-I—"

"DON'T YOU TRY TO OUTCRY ME, YOU..." You were covering your eyes with your fists, the band digging into your flesh and essence. You needed him to hold you because, fuck, you couldn't stop shaking. But what could be done when he found himself in a similar situation.

"I'm not crying, I-I'm not," Sehun scrubbed at his eyes and cheeks, coloring himself in spring blossoms and dew. "My eyes just got too happy."

"What the fuck are you saying," you managed between sobs and beating your chest, so as to prevent the perhaps nearly unpreventable hiccups.

"Alright, fuck. What I'm saying is. Will you marry m—"

"Yes," you jumped when your legs could hold no longer, clinging to his neck and almost bringing him forth with you had he not reached for you down at the same time.

So there you were, crying, whispering, molding into each other's skins, screaming for providence. Promises infused in salt and sand, reaching no end and coming from no beginning. A sunrise that was an interlude. Just him and you.

[kitashiwrites]

I'm sorry my post was really aggressive. I still stand by my point that it ISN'T fair to dismiss Mor's romantic feelings (or lack thereof) towards Az, but how I acted was really awful. You don't have to post this publicly, but I hope you know I'm very sorry. My intention wasn't to try to start drama, but just receive an explanation over WHY you still ship Moriel. My way of going about it was TERRIBLE. I know sorry is just a word, but I'M SORRY.

2/2 I didn’t send you three asks. I only sent you one? Just to clear that up.3/3 I also didn’t send more than one ask. :/ 

Okay Anon. While I find it extremely hard to believe because of the timing (especially because for as long as I have been on here, I have RARELY gotten asks, let alone 3 in such quick succession that are so similar), as well as the fact that you clearly don’t stand behind your words because you felt the need to do this all on anon/have to make sure we know that you still think we are wrong, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt & accept your apology.In regards to your question, why I still ship Moriel, @sarahviehmann honestly said it best in her original answer to you: “ACOMAF was written in a way that intended for them to be shipped. So those people spent a year building up their fanon and meta and so forth, only to have the rug pulled out from under them.”

(For the sake of everyone, I’m putting this under a cut. It got way long.)

I hated ACOWAR. I’ve made no secret of that. I’ve also made no secret as to WHY. I’ve been writing fic for this series for over a year, & heavily focused on ACOMAF. I started when there were literally 7 fics posted to Ao3. Basically all of my free time at home & all of my breaks at work were spent either writing fic, discussing the series/meta with people here/talking my poor friends’ ears off over dinner, or planning fic for characters I wanted to explore in POV fics like Rhys, Tamlin, & Tarquin. Hell, I still have a 10 chapter Amarantha POV pre-ACOTAR through ACOTAR fic that’s over half written at 16k that I originally wanted to try as a surprise for my readers. I read ACOMAF enough times that I honestly would have said that I knew those characters as well as my own family, knew exactly what happened in which chapters, & got many comments here & on Ao3 from people who felt I’d captured the characters correctly, so I felt pretty good about what to expect going forward.

When ACOWAR spoilers came out, absolutely nothing made sense with what we knew or had been prior established canon. Most of all in regards to Mor, Rhys, Feyre, & Lucien, but I’m going to specifically focus on Mor, since she’s at the crux of the issue at hand. In Mor’s case, we took a woman who is described in ACOMAF as “a queen who owned her body, her life, her destiny, and never apologized for it” & says to Feyre, “I once lived in a place where the opinion of others mattered. It suffocated me, nearly broke me. So you’ll understand me, Feyre, when I say that I know what you feel, and I know what they tried to do to you, and that with enough courage, you can say to hell with a reputation. You do what you love, what you need”, & in ACOWAR made her a victim in circumstances that make absolutely no sense for the character we had known up until that date. Queen of the Hewn City? She wasn’t even treated with enough respect to be prepared to go into a meeting with her abusers, let alone shown that she is in charge. The first real female friend Feyre has ever had? Regulated to acting like a jealous girlfriend around Cassian whenever Nesta got too close. And speaking of Cassian, it was pointed out in another post (I’m sorry I don’t have the link right now) that the Cassian & Mor moments read like they were originally Az & Mor moments & were hastily changed when suddenly they weren’t supposed to be even friends. Nothing in this book read like it had been edited for continuity.

There are many bloggers who are far more qualified than I am to speak on Mor’s coming out scene, & while there was a divide, there were quite a few I know & follow who felt it was poorly written/bad rep, & I agree with their reasoning. Besides the fact that I don’t believe for one dang second that no one in the Inner Circle at a minimum would have picked up on something bothering Mor in 500 years or that she wouldn’t have at least told them even if she hid everything from Keir, there is the fact of Azriel. Azriel is in love with her, no disputing it. But it is mentioned by Rhys that Az has always thought himself unworthy of her, & Mor says that she could take her clothes off in front of him & he wouldn’t do anything. Does that sound like someone who is trying to avoid him because she isn’t interested, or someone who is creepily stalking her? In the Nessian short Wings & Embers, Cassian speaks on their relationship as well: “He wasn’t stupid. He knew she and Azriel were … whatever they were. Knew Azriel had been in love with Mor from the moment she’d strutted into the war-camp five centuries ago. And Cassian had been jealous—of Mor’s shy glances at Azriel in those first few weeks, and the fact that his dearest friend and brother … was looking at someone else.”

I’m not going to rehash Wings & Embers or ACOMAF for you. But as Sarah said, it was clearly written with them as a ship in mind, & this is from the POV of a character that has known them since the beginning, not just a few months like Feyre.

Why I still ship Moriel at this point? Because I ship it in any form. I love her & Az together period, even as friends. This ship was one of the ways @illyriantremors & I bonded originally, before we found out how much else we had in common & she became as good as a biological sister to me (I call her my Threadsister for a reason), because we shipped it back in the beginning before there was really any fic for it because it was overshadowed by Feysand, Nessian, & Elucien. Moriel was our Nessian; the unconfirmed side-ship with so much potential & evidence to back it up. When Sierra met SJM at San Diego Comic Con last summer, SJM dedicated Sierra’s copy of ACOMAF to Moriel. Why the af would an author do that if they planned to destroy a ship in the next book from the beginning?

We still love Moriel because it is hard to let go of something you’ve loved that much after you’ve been strung along & then had the rug pulled out from under you with no actual basis in ACOMAF to say “oh, it was there all along”; like when rereading ACOTAR through the ACOMAF filter, as I like to say to people, & seeing the clues that were left to the deeper story for Rhys. For me, those were not in ACOMAF upon reading it again after ACOWAR. I noticed you using my tags in your defense of yourself to Sarah regarding why I wanted to ignore ACOWAR &, by your interpretation, erase Mor’s sexuality. If you had read any of my blog at all after ACOWAR, you would have read that isn’t true, but I’ll spell it out for you: I want to ignore ACOWAR & what it did to my favorite characters’ personalities/their interactions with each other. I want to forget that Mor’s agency was taken away from her & that she was regulated to a plot twist. I want to forget that Az has been made out to be a creepy stalker. I want to forget Rhys treating Mor like she would be too emotional to deal with the negotiations with Kier & Eris & so he & Az didn’t tell her. I want to forget Feyre using Lucien to make Tamlin jealous in the Spring Court while she dismantled it from within & putting him in danger. And so much more.

I personally hate the book for multiple reasons, ranging everywhere from inconsistent characterization to grammar/editing issues. But I’m stuck with the facts it gave us, which is why writing fic is so hard to even consider anymore. It made everything about the series, not just Mor & Az, something I no longer can love with the intensity I once did, & the fandom diminishes that love more & more everyday with their bullying of people for not believing exactly the way they do, which is exactly what you contributed to when you sent those asks to myself & Sierra. And honestly, I couldn’t care less what you think of me. But if you had even looked at one of Sierra’s actual written posts/answers to asks—just one—you would have seen how quiet she’s been about her love for them as a ship & how determined she’s been to not to offend people while she’s been trying to come to terms with losing something that has been a lifesaver for her, to the point she has mostly stopped contributing to the fandom at all. She posted two Moriel drabbles during her birthday week because she was inspired by the Azriel candle I got her for her birthday, & as she said to you in her response to your original message, they were her way of saying farewell to Moriel. And guess what: even though it isn’t canon, people liked them.

I view Mor as bi, & if she’s given a healthy, happy female love interest in a future installment, then awesome. I want Moriel at least as close friends because I genuinely don’t think Az (at least the one from ACOMAF that actually made sense) would begrudge her if he knew the truth. Would he be sad? Sure, but I think he would support her nonetheless, just as the rest of the Inner Circle would. But I have absolutely no faith that SJM will give Mor anything good because she can milk the drama and turmoil she’s created, & I have no desire to see the characters & ships (across the board) I have loved so much destroyed any further.

I think @my-name-is-fireheart put it perfectly in her chime in on Sarah’s post: “Also, we should keep in mind that Mor expresses sexual attraction to men, she just prefers women. How she feels about men romantically is also blurred, though it’s slightly more clear. She says she doesn’t think she loves Az romantically but she doesn’t want to try it just to see.” SJM didn’t even know how to break her own ship apart properly to fit what you suggested, which is a good chunk of why we are even having this discussion right now.

I know Moriel is no longer canon. Cazigan (Cassian/Azriel/Mor) isn’t canon either, but I still love that. I have enjoyed their interactions with each other more than anything else since they were introduced in ACOMAF. The entire Inner Circle made me so happy for their closeness & how much of a family they were. I feel for a plot twist & a couple extra Benjamin Franklins, SJM destroyed everything that made one of my favorite characters in the entire series who she was (a strong, independent woman who didn’t let her circumstances break her & showed Feyre how not to let hers break her) & made her a poor caricature of herself, & made Az something he never has been before either because SJM hastily had to make her new & poorly executed addition work.

I shouldn’t be surprised though. This is the woman who attempted to retcon Eris of all characters into a decent person. And also took away any modicum of being able to read Tamlin as the multifaceted antagonist he had been & just turned him into a completely hateful ass with no loyalty to anyone to further drive home how perfect Rhys is supposed to be (which he definitely is not in ACOWAR, & I say that as someone who loved the morally grey character of Rhys).

TL;DR I ship Mor with Az in any form, even as friends, Mor being bi is not an issue, & I have lost all respect for SJM as an author after ACOWAR for giving us a poorly written/poorly edited product after the anticipation/hype this book had. Make of that what you will; I don’t care. I’m out of effs to give, & your ask & the other Az one I received, no matter who it was from or what your intentions were, pretty much tipped the scale in favor of me wanting to step back even further & have nothing to do with this fandom ever again.

I would ask that next time you think you have a problem with someone (because I doubt Sierra & I will be the last people you do this to), please think about how it comes across & think about your target. Your original ask was terribly hateful, & there is no amount of apology that can take that hurt away. And you would be amazed how far a little kindness & grace when asking a question instead of an accusatory message can go.

This explanation is more than you probably bargained for when you started this yesterday, but that’s the last I’ll say on any of this.