#IT DOESNT SEEM LIKE A LOT BUT TRUST ME | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

suffarustuffaru · 11 months

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ok but im getting emo over heinkel again so im gonna talk about him again because yeah hes yet another sad character in a sea of sad characters and i love rezero for that but like he is a character consistently characterized by one loss after the other. it's a rollercoaster and its going straight fucking down and he is so miserable and absolutely alone and its both his fault and not his fault at all. but the way it starts is - its all out of his control. the more you think about the trajectory of his life the sadder it gets.

imagine you are heinkel and your parents are the sword saint and the sword demon and you come from a long line of knights and sword saints so thats almost definitely where youre headed, right? thats whats expected of you. you are nineteen years old and youre a knight in the royal guard, which was expected of you, and you have a wife and a beautiful baby boy, which was also expected of you, but at least you have so much joy and love for the latter while the former is just another chain on the astrea family line of people who are stuck to knighthood whether they like it or not. but your family is also just another chain because youre nineteen and your mother is still the sword saint and youre playing with fate here because either youre going to be the sword saint or your son will be.

your wife, the only equal you have, falls asleep one day and never wakes up. you are twenty-one years old and a single parent and then you are twenty-three years old and your son's fate is so much bigger than youll ever be. having the worlds love means that your love pales in comparison, doesnt it? everyone knows about your comatose wife because you keep searching so much for a cure that its just another thing to gossip about. every year that passes by she just continues to look the same as she did when she was awake and alive and loved you. (you dont know it yet but your son is going to reach the same age as her, because you dont find a cure for another sixteen years and you know that she wont love you anymore because who does? theres no one left because your son doesnt count.)

and everyone knows about you because of your family. because yeah, youre a good swordsman, but youre not liked by anyone in the knights. youre not a friend and youre certainly not a sword saint or sword demon. your son mind controls someone because he loves you so much that he would do anything for you and looks up to you like youre some hero, but youre just a wreck whos scrambling to keep what little you have. youre twenty-four and you lose your mom because you were too scared to go on the mission you were assigned on, because youre a coward and youre in over your head and you know, because everyone knows, that you dont measure up. you could never be prepared for this. in a long line of people who have to carry the weight of the world, you crumble easily. your mom goes on that mission and dies and your son becomes the sword saint like this was always going to happen. this is what being loved by the world means. you just killed your mom because you just couldnt suck it up and die on that mission instead. on top of that, your dad says that your five-year-old god of a son killed your mom. its just you and your son and the two of you both killed your mom but youre the worlds biggest laughing stock and your son is the up and coming hero and monster. but you still love your son. you really do.

right?

#rezero #heinkel astrea #i have. many feelings on him always. no i do not condone his abuse and i never will. but he is such a fascinating character #and this is not even getting into like. post-reinhard being five years old. cries. there is so much happening my god. the tragedy of it all #i swear theresia and wilhelm act like they dont even like heinkel fr sometimes too i swear aldfjldfjl theres just implications behind that #relationship too. and implications to heinkel and reinhards Everything with what little we've seen of them. like little kid reinhard truste #his dad SO MUCH heinkel was very loving in the beginning. it hurts how badly it turns out later alsdlfj bc you just Know that reinhard is #internalizing this like. my dad used to love me and now he doesnt anymore and its all my fault.#BUT HE STILL DOES LOVE REINHARD DEEP DOWN BC WHY ELSE WOULD HE HAVE SCHULT AS A REPLACEMENT. GOD. GOD.#arc 5 spoilers #i always like. theorize that heinkel used to be someone who tried to follow the rules to the T. try his best. try to be a good perfect #knight. a bit of a people pleaser. WHICH IS LIKE REINHARD RIGHT and it explains why heinkel is so bitter and jaded and angry now. god. i #hate it here. the astreas make me sooo crazy #like heinkel really does seem like a guy whos just trying to be a goody two shoes in like the once upon a time from lugunica ss but he fail #miserably bc hes too Emotional and also going through a lot of stress aljsdlfj

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orcelito · 2 months

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Did the stuff exchange 👍 that sucked 👍 wahoo

#speculation nation #i was very curt bc i just wanted to get it over with.#kinda wish id given her a piece of my mind but whatever #i did shut the door rather forcefully in her face. which hopefully said plenty.#and then i cried bc it just felt so Cold. a stark difference from the last time i saw her.#man ive come to accept it's probably for the best overall but the suddenness of it still sucks so bad.#also the 'i never actually loved you' thing. what an asshole thing to say.#she also missed one of the stuffed animals and it's one i wanted to have back Especially #bc it's a pair with one that i own. i want my little bee's axolotl friend back And i dont want her owning the other one of a pair.#she seemed to really love this deer before. said it gave her a lot of comfort to hug at night.#so i wanted it back especially too. i dont want her getting any more comfort from my prior affection for her.#i just hope that seeing me reminded her that im a real fucking person that she fucked over.#like yeah shes got her new 'love' yadda yadda yadda but she strung me along for 6 fucking months #then broke up with me over fucking TEXT. saying some incredibly insensitive things as she did so.#even if they were the truth. there are still some things that dont need said i think. especially to someone who has trust issues.#but most of all she shouldve fucking done it in person or At Least on the phone.#i told her plenty already how cowardly and horrible it was for her to break up with me over text #and i want to scream it from the rooftops and carve it into her tires #but i wont. because ive said it enough. and being too destructive wont make anyone happy.#not even me.#it just feels like such an injustice. and i feel so angry and hurt.#i can understand and accept that it's probably for the best that the relationship ended here #but that doesnt make the manner it was done hurt any less.#and jesus i thought i was the asshole for how i broke up with my girlfriend last year. at least i broke up with her in person!!!!#i didnt even get that. what a whole load of bullshit.#anyways im gonna play my samurai game. and focus the best i can on just moving on.

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urtrickster · 6 months

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#the thoughts.#the funky tunes.#so cute of me to finally share my taste in music again #because i simply just cant help myself i guess #i just get a lot of joy from sharing music it seems #THIS IS A BANGER THOUGH BTW LIKE THE SNIPPET IT SHOWS DOESNT DO IT JUSTICE #TRUST ME IT'S GOOD

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healingheartdogs · 6 months

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People who don't know dog body language who have pushy sketchy dogs are so awful to be around. I told our housemates that their dog Klaus doesn't like me when we went out to watch the eclipse earlier today because I didn't want to go in the fenced yard with him out and they were like "oh no he's fine don't worry." When he saw me he charged up to the fence, high flagged tail, snorting and barking and jumping at the fence and they still were like "oh he's friendly, he just wants to smell you, see his tail is wagging". Like my dude... tail wagging does not mean friendly, and what about the noises he's making rn sounds friendly to you?

Selene's sister grabbed him and I thought she was going to take him inside because she acted like she was going to, but instead she stopped halfway and just held him back while I came into the yard and then let him go to run up and sniff me, which he had very stiff body language the entire time he did so. For a while after that he ignored me because of the kids calling him away and was chill, but still kept coming over and sniffing me occasionally and was very tense each time so I just tried to stay calm and sweet talk him and didn't try to touch him to help defuse the situation.

Then I walked a little away from the group to point out a plant in the yard to Selene's mom which was a mistake because once I was out of the little circle we were standing in he started body blocking me, tense face, stiff body, whale eyeing, and then jumping at me and barking. They tried to call him away and were like "oh he's just trying to get you to play, sorry he's so demanding of attention." I started trying to walk toward the gate to leave because he very much was NOT trying to get me to play and I did not feel confident in their ability to control him, and he immediately did it again. And again they tried to call him away. And I got maybe another two steps before he turned right back around and did it again. And they called him away again saying he was just trying to play. Rinse and repeat for a total of like six times of him body blocking me, tense and whale eyeing, and then jumping at me and barking. All while they're just laughing like "Sorry, Klaus just really loves playing". Dudes your dog is actually behaving aggressively toward me right now, please get control over him so I can leave he is NOT TRYING TO PLAY WITH ME.

This is the second time I've been invited into the yard while Klaus was out and the first time they kept telling me the same thing but he was actually following me around growling at me then and they were still like "oh it's just cuz he doesn't know you yet, he'll warm up to you, he's friendly". YOUR DOG IS SKETCHY. I DONT WANT TO INTERACT WITH HIM. HE DOESN'T LIKE ME. PLEASE JUST PUT HIM INSIDE WHEN I'M IN THE YARD WITH Y'ALL. And PLEASE learn some dog body language because nothing about his right now says "friendly" at all!!!!! Not even a little!!!! TAIL WAGGING DOES NOT MEAN FRIENDLY, ESPECIALLY A HIGH FLAGGED TAIL.

#i will not be going back into the yard while he is out #i only did this time because they made it seem like they were going to put him inside #but then didn't #i do not trust that dog #and they are oblivious and just laughing while he is actively menacing me #cant tell them shit about it though because they act like we're criticizing their parenting if we do and get offended #and then be like 'well your dogs are out of control so what do you know' because my dogs bark at strangers #like... okay your dog growls at and menaces strangers???? mine just bark at strangers who talk to them and try to rile them up #and i dont correct them for that because its not worth correcting and also not their fault #your dog is actually dangerous and you dont have control over him #my dogs are not dangerous and when i tell them to be quiet and get inside they do #so who doesnt have control huh????#theyre just mad because theyre the strangers my dogs bark at sometimes and since i dont like how they interact with my dogs i allow it #because they are rude as fuck and do not respect my dogs' boundaries at all #and think that dogs shouldnt be allowed to have boundaries because they should be 'kid safe“ which really means shut down from punishment #thats how they are with klaus which is a big part of why i dont trust him too #because they have created a dog who gets punished for setting boundaries so that the kids can 'safely' climb all over him and annoy him #and to me that is a recipe for a dog that doesnt give a lot of warning before becoming aggressive because hes been punished for it #i do not trust dogs who have been punished for having boundaries #and i dont trust their owners either #also them doing that means their kids think they can do whatever they want to dogs and interact very rudely with them #so i dont let their kids interact with my dogs at all now because even with me constantly correcting them they ignore me and are rude #and that definitely is something theyre also salty about because their kids want to play with my dogs #and they also want my dogs to play with Klaus and there is mo way in hell I'd allow that which they also dont like #hes an intact bully who they have admitted can be 'really fiesty' with other dogs #and Hermes is an intact male who seems to have a 'kick me“ sign on him for other dogs and i just wont risk it #and it drives them crazy that i dont trust their strange dog not to be aggressive to my dogs and wont let them all be 'friends'#DOGS DONT NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH STRANGE DOGS THEY DONT KNOW OR LIVE WITH #I hate ignorant pet owners that make their ignorance my problem #rant

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marcmorrigan · 2 years

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the B in Beyond Birthday stands for baby boy. and also beautiful. and also blood. and also... Beyond Birthday

#beyond birthday #death note #another note #death note another note #my art #sketch #blood cw #i mean it could be jam. you dont know.#also. He Is Looking At L.#this is FRESH hot new art btw. i drew this Today #im still figuring out my Face for him and i could not for the life of ne decide if i wanted him to have eyebrows or not... my L does #so it doesnt really make sense for beyond to NOT have them prior to the. end. of DNAN. he does have no eyebrows after... well you know #the first concept i drew for him was of him in recovery and it was so scary that i had to stop working on it #and i turned that sketch layer on again when i finished this one and jumpscared myself SO bad... evil fucking drawing apparently #anyway. pretty happy with him! he looks like Himself... i dont like the idea that he and L are indistinguishable when hes Doing His Bit #hes supposed to look different even in his makeup but still very similar and i THINK i achieved that... i want them to have very #different faces but similar Vibes. yknow?#like i want the faces to be different but the energies to match #i see a lot of people make beyond Not Japanese which is kind of confusing to me like... is he not canonically japanese? the way he talks #to naomi seems to at least imply he is #regardless of canon! my beyond is lol. my L has japanese heritage as well but hes mixed and wasnt born in japan #my beyond was born in japan and was brought to wammys after L... he latched onto him right away lol. or at least tried to #he was in LOOOVE in love with L as soon as he saw him #they r very 'sandbox love never dies' to me... omg actually beyond/L jennifers body au would be so cute and funny #beyond birthday voice I Was The Snowflake Queen #BEYOND BIRTHDAY VOICE MY TIT...#anyway. anyway. i love him so so so much. hes really scary to me but also really sad and compelling #his dynamic with L is like. so. much. just. much to think about #MUCH to think about. when it comes to beyond birthday. and trust... i Will Think About Him.

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 2 years

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Ya boi got a new medicine and a therapist.

#i had another psychiatrist appointment after a year! (i tend to neglect my mental health)#ive been dealing with a lot of paranoid thoughts and shit and so i told her #and she decided to put me on abilify #one of my friends takes abilify! we'll be abilify buddies #and ive realized that i need therapy #ive had a lot of shit happen to me in the last few years #and ive just been ignoring it instead of dealing with it #and now i cant ever sit alone with my thoughts because all of that shit comes to haunt me #i just dont know how to deal with it on my own #and for awhile i swore i would never go back to therapy. because my first therapist was a piece of shit #'just get used to the fact that your best friend might die so that it doesnt hurt so much if it happens' -about my suicidal best friend #'think about what your mom's going through' -about my transphobic mom who made me want to kill myself #but i realized that my life and mental state is only going to get worse if i dont deal with the shit ive got going on #and when i called to schedule. i just called for the first available therapist. and the guy said 'oh she'll be perfect for you'#and i trust this man that ive never met #i looked up the therapist. she seems lovely #she better be because i have like four appointments scheduled. the man on the phone did that so i wouldnt lose out on any appointments #he was very kind #im glad im gonna get some help. still scared. but looking forward to it

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saulbaby · 2 years

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Thinkin abt my me3 sequel to white black gray.....the vibes and start are so clear 2 me but I can't see a definitive and satisfying ending that goes with Canon

#like #it worked for me2 really well bc there so much conflict in the plot and sheps place in it #idk where ghe moral struggle fits in me3 #it seems like the arc would have to be her repressing her feelings even more and then its over and whatever #like whats the point of a slowburn character study on morality if she beefs it or ends up in a coma in the end #thats not that interesting to me #only thing i can think is that maybe she considers running away?#like she doesnt trust the alliance and she feels like theyre just using uer as a figurehead without any real protection in the end #and she runs away sorta like gareus did going to omega aaaand i found it fuck yeah #seems....sorta ooc for her to take off mid game but also maybe she gets an oppritunity and tries to run off or whatever #maybe during the coup?#or ooh maybe literally the omega dlc yes thats so good #shes like ehhhhhh alright later losers imma go have a cathartic time dont tell garrus bc i gave him A LOT of shit about it last time #but we all say shit dont we? yeah. its cool.#thats so good tho #maybe seeing some positives to the archangel shit that she still was dismissing in her head even tho she knew he meant well #and her falling back into the petty crime omega vibes way eay too easily #maybe garrus follows her there #and the sme kinda happens to them #also nyreen and aria kinda mirror them where nyreen said that she lost herself b. she wanted to become aria #shep would get freaked out bc if hes just adoptijg all of her morals what if shes wrong #found it yeehaw gonna write some shit again at least get a summary #bc i deadass just. never finished an me3 playthru with janey #i made her up bc i thought of earthborn shep and archangel habing tension and blacked out until she was fully foemed in front of me #but then in me3 i couldnt figure out who she was snd i had already playrd it like 4 times since le came out so i called it #but i think i found it #always comes back to omega with those two doesnt it #love them #love former gta protagonist earthborn shepard #janey tag

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dandyshucks · 2 months

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sorry for personal posting here but im avoiding my main account rn DHDKDL but i just wanted to say that there is smth so gratifying (and a little funny) about having your therapist (who's been in the field for 30+ years) reacting in horror to smth you mention somewhat casually 🤠

#i wasnt even meaning to bring up the thing that i did but i had to tell her abt it to explain smth else LMAO #she was just like ''...do you have any plans to move out anytime soon?'' LMFAO #miss maam trust me i would absolutely love to but i cant afford it 😭😭😭#anyways yeah that was just like. kind of ... affirming i guess fjdksl #but honestly the thing i was talking abt is smth im so used to now and somewhat made my peace with fjdkdl #it doesnt seem all that bad to me bc there are things that cause me a lot more grief and yet... she still seemed pretty horrified by it 😭#ANYWAYS. im going to try to work on some art today YIPPEE and put together a bday wishlist for my family to use #im going to see ... if i can receive a copy of one of the su/mo games... so i can see Guz and run around the region LOL #fingers crossed.... that is the only thing i Really Want tbh.... and also a new frying pan bc mine is becoming unusable LMAO #dandy.cmd #abuse cw #it's implied so I'll put a cw for it fjdksl just in case

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yelloworangesoda · 5 months

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maxwell and sammy are all mine and i love them like my children but its pretty hard to divorce them from fnaf enough to make them straight up ocs. sammy especially bc hes technically not my oc, even if i made up every aspect about him except his name and dead twin sister

#my point being i keep seeing oc post and going ‘omg me about sammy’ but sammy isnt an oc. technically #i literally wont even change his name if i do ever just make him all mine. i love him sammy is my bff forevers.#sammy smiles real wide and has sharp canines. he cant stand silence and talks to himself CONSTANTLY and its worse around other people #he interrupts people a lot by accident. and is really bad about holding friendships and doesnt reach out to people. after he took max in it #was impossible to shut him up bc someone was actually there now. he has serious trust issues and thinks ppl dont like him bc he thinks #everyone to have some big secret theyre all collectively keeping from him to keep him ‘’safe’’ which stems from. his mom doing this to him #about his sister and dad she just straight up refused to tell him until he found out on his own. so for 11 years he knew that. they for sure #you cant just split up your family in half in a divorce. something seems incredibly wrong about that but he didnt know what actually #happened there. also they were young when she died but he still felt like a part of him went missing and without the knowledge she died he #assumed. hed see her again and fill that hole. and of course that wasnt true. so anyway he struggles to make and keep friends #hes had like 8 different partners who lasted more than a month (most of them didnt want to deal with max) and he cant keep any of them bc a #a lot of people meet this cute charming guy with a lot to say and realize hes literally like this all the time and it stops being cute and #starts being annoying. he wanted to have kids bc he really likes kids but nobody wants him unfortunately and also he had. max for 8 years #and max is for sure his kid (from his perspective max is weird about it bc max thinks of his dad. as his Parent and sammy as more of #brother) but like max was not really what he was thinking when he thought he wanted kids right. and he feels bad about thinking that but #he does. think that. he wants a kid of his own. sammy is a therapist for kids with trauma specifically so that also impacts his ability to #have a kid. he worries that. bc of his personal experience of what Can happen that he may in turn be a helicopter parent or way #overprotective. yknow. he #ive got to go to bed omg. i got enough thoughts down!!!!#simons spouting #a lot of this is just awfully written but you cant read back or edit tags on mobile. not my fault

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hecksupremechips · 6 months

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Ooooooghhhhhhhhh stressed 🥺

#dont wanna see family tomorrow and im sleeping saur bad lately i couldnt sleep last night and then had a typical fever dream #which gave me a really cute idea for a movie so im gonna keep it in my pocket #but it was one of those things where its like it says a whole lot about me and my trauma and its stressful #um um um and also im juggling all these different things like im sewing im trying to finally write im trying to draw again #while feeling like im failing at it all and then like i still gotta find fuckinnnnn job i neeeeeed money #this time of year is always really hard for me i hate when its warm again i hate easter and i hate knowing that summer is coming #aaghhhh rn im ticking and stimming really bad and im having trouble breathing hnnghhh #and im very sweaty lol i always get so sweaty when i dont sleep good i dont get it #also i think im just horrible like the one person i wanna talk to probably is getting tired of my constant life crisis and how needy i am #and theyre probably off being better without me there and im just a burden and then my therapist idk about him #i dont feel like hes really giving me anything like when i talk about how stressed and unsafe i am hes like you gotta find a way to cope #and he doesnt really tell me how exactly i should do that like mate thats why im here i need the help you cant just listen to me panic and #go ‘wow you need to fix that’ ughhhh and i think hes mad at me because i dont think he believes me anymore when i say im in an abusive #situation and that ive been controlled my whole life by everyone and i have never felt safe #and its just like ughhh like i feel like no one believes me anymore and theyre all fed up with my bullshit incompetence and constant #bellyaching and im a horrible friend and a liar and probably just being dramatic as fuck making myself believe im being abused when in #reality im the abuser the ungrateful brat who treats his family like shit and cant trust them even though they seem so perfect to everyone #and im so stupid and toxic for trying to run away and for being scared to death here #thats how its feeling anyway idk everyone is just. weird and im losing my grip on reality and cant tell whats real anymore

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todo-morira · 1 year

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Me when my mom called me and it was weird

#yknow. for a guy who spent a lot of his time wondering how it would go. this wasnt it #idk #i dont think i trust her. not sure if i ever could #doesnt seem like shes that interested either #seems like she just wants the peace for my brother #but like she fucked up MAJORLY #idk. maybe I'll tell her if she helps me financially ill forgive her #hey she may have fucked me up mentally but like ill let her think she can pay it back lmfao #vent? ig #revolving thoughts

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frogmascquerade · 1 year

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#the ghost monument would be so good without the guy LOL #i get they wanted to split the fam up and have a reunion moment but #he bothers me 🤚#lmaooo thats just personal though #there are some aspects of the race that dont make sense #it doesnt make sense to me that he would be chill sleeping since he seems to have no trust in anyone so why would he trust them to wake him #up at all #and the ending doesnt make sense for his character either #ig bc i cant remember if they gave us his motivation for winning #cause the other one is doing it for family #also LOL it seems like theyre trying to set up some ryan/yaz stuff which is funny to me now knowing how that actually ends up #the ending is ridiculous now that im really rewatching it LOL like ?? why... okay. lol okay #ig they wanted to give a proper like scene of the doctor and companions first seeing the tardis #without some randos #but its silly 🤨 they couldve easily killed off one person and had a victor to the race #i like idea of the ghost monument a lot but maybe it would have made more sense if the fam ran into an archeologist instead of people #racing #so that way it would have been more people interested in the planets history and the ghost monument as an old myth and it would have #been more focused on that idk lol

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evie-sturns · 18 days

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Never have I ever - matt sturniolo

summary: an innocent game of never have i ever with your bestfriend matt, turns into you finding out his biggest secret, hes still a virgin. you have to teach him a thing or two.

contains: smut, virginity loss, clueless!matt, inexperienced!matt x experienced!reader, fluff, making out, bestfriend!matt.

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"okay- never have i everr... pissed the bed above the age of 16." i laugh, staring at matt who has a grin on his face.

"i am GLAD to say i have not." matt smiles, wiping his face.

"whatt!! i have!" i exclaim,

matt and i burst out laughing, him pushing me over on the bed. i fall on my back, still uncontrollably laughing.

i sit back up on the matress,

"your turn now!" i say,

matt pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, they slip down everytime he speaks.

"i dont have one!" matt instantly snaps back, shutting down my suggestion.

"okay ill go again." i grin cheekily.

"never have i everrr cried after sex." i speak,

matt visibly tenses, his smile faltering.

"oh- um- i dont know-" matt laughs nervously, scratching the back of his neck.

matt adjusts his glasses again, something he seems to do when he’s nervous.

"come onn, you can tell me!" i push,

matts eyes are going everywhere but mine, his cheeks flushed and his hands fidgety.

"im- like.. what- what do you mean." matt stammers,

"are you okay? you dont have to say." i say softly,

"no its fine- it doesnt- just shut up.” he mumbles,

“if you have it’s fine!!” i giggle

“i’ve never like- done anything so…” matt says quietly, an awkward chuckle escaping his lips.

“what?”

matt avoids eye contact, “it’s not a big deal,”

i nod, “no yeah- i know it’s not a big deal i just was convinced you’ve done a lot.”

matt shakes his head, “no.”

i grab his hand, “you know you can tell me stuff like that, right?”

he nods, “it’s just embarrassing..”

i shake my head, “no it’s not, i would never judge you.”

he sighs, running a hand through his hair. his cheeks are deep red and his head is tilted down and his gaze is fixed on his lap.

matt’s never really talked about his sex life, he’s always been a reserved person ever since i met him, now i can see why.

“i’ve never even made out with a girl, like i’ve kissed and shit but never made out, isn’t that so embarrassing?” matt starts to open up

“you’ve never even made out?” i repeat, my eyes widening.

“see- that reaction is why i don’t tell people.” matt groans, flopping back on the pillows as he throws his face into his hands.

“no- no it’s not a bad thing!” i state,

matt’s nods silently,

i stare down at him as he looks up at me,

suddenly he speaks.

“would you teach me stuff if i asked.” he blurts out

“pardon?” i say, not convinced that i heard him correctly.

“like how to have sex and stuff, if not that’s okay and we’ll forget this whole thing ever happened- i just trust you a lot and i feel like it would just be a friendly thing.” matt speaks fast, stumbling over his words

“you actually want me to..?”

matt nods shyly, his cheeks now a deep red.

“it won’t matter afterwards- it’s just purely so you’re not a virgin anymore?” i clarify,

matt nods again, “yes- no strings attatched..”

i take a deep breath, “you’re sure?”

matt speaks, “i am, i’m sorry-“

i furrow my eyebrows, “don’t be sorry, i’m glad you trust me.”

matt nods again.

i grab his chin, “just follow my lead baby.”

matt’s eyes widen, a small smirk forming at the corner of his mouth.

i press my lips to his softly, a small gasp escaping his mouth.

our lips slot together perfectly, my nose brushed against his as i tilt my head to the right.

i run my hands up the back of his neck to the back of his hair, tugging loosely at the strands.

matt’s hands are practically glued by his sides, i grin as i grab his wrists, placing his hands on the curve of my waist.

i slowly dip my tongue inside his mouth,

although matt said he’d never made out before, it doesn’t seem like it, he’s impossibly good.

matt sits up on his knees, the matress dips beneath his weight.

i scoot closer to him, the wet sounds of our lips smacking together fill the silent room.

i slowly pull away to catch my breath, our panting loud and heavy.

matt has a different look in his eyes, more needy but dominant, he wants more.

he grabs the back of my neck and tugs me closer to him, colliding our lips again.

“you’re good at this.” i mutter against his raw lips, a smile tugging at his mouth.

“no i’m not.” he mumbles, his face inches away from mine.

“you definitely are.” i say softly,

i crawl onto his lap, he grabs my jaw and pulls me back into him.

our tongues fight for dominance, i clearly seem to be winning.

i can tell matt enjoys this, enjoys me being in full control.

i pull away again, “matt- should we start?” i breathe.

he covers his face, “i’m gonna be so clueless.”

“matt that’s okay, i promise, you said that about kissing and you were fucking good.”

matt’s breathes nervously as i shift on his lap,

“no but i barely know anything about this.. like i know the basics but nothing else and-“ he starts,

i press a finger to his lips, “shh.”

“i’m here to teach you, remember?” i say gently, running my hand through his hair.

he nods, “okay- okay.”

i smile at him reassuringly,

i reach for the hem of my shirt, tugging it up over my head.

matt’s eyes are trained on my lacy black bra, his cheeks instantly blushing

“wanna try take this off?” i say, referencing my bra

matt nods frantically, his hands reach up behind my back and fiddle with the clasp.

after a short amount of time he gently unclasps it, letting it fall fowards on his chest.

he sits up straight against the headboard, me still sat on his lap.

matt’s eyes are fixed on my tits, which are right in his face.

he stares shamelessly, “fuck..”

i feel him growing through his sweatpants, his bulge pressing against my clothed cunt.

“you’re hard?” i whisper, reaching for his waistband.

he nods,

i tug down his waistband to his mid thighs,

“im gonna take these off.” i speak,

matt whines softly, “okay- okay.”

i tug down his boxers, his erection springing out.

holy shit.

“not to boost your ego or anything but that’s big matt.” i tell him,

matt lets out a breathless laugh, “stop that..”

“have you ever had a blowjob?” i ask, knowing the answer already.

“no- no! i told you..” he replies, his tone whiny and embarrassed.

i grin, getting off his lap and sitting between his thighs,

i lay between his thighs, propped up on my elbows as his dick is inches away from my face.

i kitten lick his tip, a sharp gasp escaping matt’s mouth.

he bucks his hips up instantly,

“you’re so sensitive.”

matt breathes heavily,

i wrap my lips around his tip, taking the head of his cock in my mouth.

“ohh- oh my god..” matt groans, covering his face with his large hands.

i swirl my tongue around his tip, before taking more of him down my throat.

“fuck- fuck oh god-!” matt whimpers,

i instinctively clench as i hear his whimper, it was so fucking hot.

i look up at him through my eyelashes, his framed glasses sit ontop of his light blue eyes, which are now scrunched shut.

his glasses have always turned me on, it makes him seem more innocent.

matt clutches his bedsheets,

he gasp as i continue to take him down my throat.

i suddenly pull off of him, matt’s eyes opening slowly.

“don’t stop please.” he mumbles, his hands shaking lightly.

“i don’t want you to cum yet, you’ll be all overstimulated if you do.” i tell him,

i crawl back up onto his lap, sitting on his thighs.

matt’s dick rests against his stomach, still fully hard

i tug his shirt off over his head, “you’re sweating.” i laugh.

“how could i not i mean- you’ve just left me fully hard here and-!” matt complains,

i press a finger to his lips, “shh sh.”

he whines, “i want you so bad.”

“you want my pussy?” i ask, playing with the ties of my shorts.

matt nods frantically,

i sit up slightly to tug my shorts off,

matt stares down at me, still sat happily on his upper thighs.

he looks at my black lacy panties, which match the bra i had on.

he shyly reaches down, dragging his cold finger over the fabric of my panties, just lightly grazing my clit.

“please- please.” matt sighs,

i smile, tugging my panties to the side.

matt throws his head back as i’m revealed to him, clearly overwhelmed.

“i can’t- i need you right now.”

i grin, hovering myself above his tip.

“can you- can you be on top, like in charge.” matt asks shyly,

“yeah, of course i can.” i say,

“you ready?” i follow up,

“yes- yes.”

i slowly sink down onto his tip, both of our gasps filling the room.

matt’s dick almost instantly twitches inside of me.

his cheeks go a deep shade of red.

i sink further down on his length, matt arches his back off the bed. a small cry escaping his mouth.

“you- oh my- that feels so good-“ matt babbles,

i fully bottom out on him, sitting comfortably as i try to adjust to his girth.

matt lets out ragged breathes,

he reaches up and grabs my waist, the same thing i taught him to do while we were making out earlier.

i start to slowly drag myself back up his cock, almost pulling out then dropping back down again. i position his hands to my ass.

he sinks his fingers into the plush of my ass as he try’s to contain himself.

“y-you can make noises,” i assure him,

his lips are pursed in a thin straight line, which he instantly stops doing as soon as i tell him not to.

he lets out a well needed moan, his voice cracking.

“you- you usually guide the girl up and down your dick.” i say, still sticking to the ‘teacher’ label that he wanted me to do.

overall, this is just for me to teach him.. right?

matt helps me, pulling me up and down on his length,

“please- please i need to cum.” matt whimpers breathlessly,

“you can hold it.” i say,

i start to pick up the pace, bouncing harder, and faster on him.

his tip kisses my cervix, each vein fills me up so much.

he starts to squirm, his glasses fall off his face onto his chest.

i grab his glasses, without thinking putting them on me.

matt stares at me, instantly letting out a guttural moan at the sight.

“i can’t- please let me cum- please!” matt raises his voice, his voice high pitched and whiny

“i need to! i need to fuck!” matt rambles, his voice breaking as he sinks his fingers further into my sss.

“you- you can cum-“ i tell him,

matt lets out a high pitched whimper as he finishes.

he coats my inside with his release, his abs tensing and his eyes scrunching shut.

i let my head tip back, his glasses shifting up my nose.

i clench around his sensitive cock before orgasming aswell,

“matt!!” i squeal,

i slowly start to come down from the orgasm, gently lifting myself off his dick.

matt lays in the sheets, his body trembling.

i lay foward on his chest, pulling his glasses off of my face and putting them back on his.

he smiles softly, his eyes shut and beads of sweat on his forehead.

he pants heavily into my ear as i lay ontop of him.

a comfortable silence fills the room, accompanied sounds of our heavy breathing.

matt breaks the silence after a second.

“that glasses thing- was so hot.” he sighs, reffering to me riding him with his own glasses on.

i smile, chuckling softly into his shoulder.

matt speaks up again.

“um- i know we said it was a one time thing but.. do you maybe think we could maybe do it again tomorrow.. just so you know- you could teach me more..?”

“i could make that happen.”

@downbad4reid

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