#or there are some things you have trouble communicating

[tittiesnhrtz]

prisoner!ellie hcs

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ mostly keeps to herself and spends most of her time reading or drawing in the shabby prison library, or jogging and working out in the yard, trying to stay out of trouble. but, she ends up making enemies anyway because of her snarky mouth.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ she either got in for selling drugs or murder, there's no in between. if it's the latter, she cries herself to sleep some nights, too sorrow-stricken—even if she believes they deserved it—to care about waking up other prisoners.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ who’s trying (keyword: trying) so hard to not get a shot from the prison guards everyday. but her stubbornness and temper know better.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ she tries to ignore you when she finds out you’re her new cell mate. but let’s be honest, who doesn’t get lonely in that shithole? so she eventually warms up to you and even offers her commissary sometimes.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ she finds herself growing attached to you; like a wasp to the saccharine nectar of an entrancing flower. she goes wherever you go and the whole prison knows you both are inseparable.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ it isn’t long until she’s catching feelings for you, trying so hard to not look or blush when you’re taking a shower in the communal bathroom, and she’s waiting outside, holding the towel for you.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ she would never make the first move. she’s too busy overthinking and trying not to read between the lines, that the whole prison realises you're flirting with her before she does.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ when the prison lights are off and the other prisoners are out like light, she makes space for you in her bottom bunk so you can lie down next to her and have your daily deep conversations. she’d find herself transfixed, listening to you ramble about the most random things, drawing deeper meanings even from the ridiculous, the only source of light being the moonlight spilling through the tiny window. she’s truly grateful for having found someone like you when she’d lost hope and succumbed to the darkness.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ she broke out into a fight with one of the prisoners who was calling you names, punching the other girl in the eye and what not. the prison broke into a commotion and poor girl got sent to shu (solitary confinement) for a week. when she returned to your worried face and puffy red eyes, her heart ached and she swore she’d never let her temper get the best of her again. but she had to admit, she was in cloud nine seeing you cared about her just as much as she did for you.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ she fumbles over her words and blushes so hard when you call her your prison wife jokingly. she mumbles a 'shut up' though she's not opposed to the idea, not even a bit.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ you finally make a move when you realize she's never going to and she'd go as far as to learn how to live with her feelings suppressed.

she's walking back from her work that pays less than a dollar, after having helped fix some broken pipes, when she sees you waiting for her.

“you waitin’ on me?” she questions after approaching you in long strides. she was sweaty, covered in dirt and grime and in desperate need of a shower.

but that didn’t stop you from leaning in and kissing her. after being in a prison for months, hygiene was the least of your concerns.

a surprised noise leaves her lips, but soon she’s fluttering her eyes close and relishing the moment. she smelt like a mix of the mango sorbet scented soap you both shared and sweat. when the kiss starts to deepen, she pulls away, conscious of her state.

“i’m pretty nasty.” she laughs awkwardly, her cheeks flushed.

“do you wanna be my prison wife?”

her eyes widen at the question, you sound serious and you’re not joking this time. she stares at you for a whole minute, processing your words before she breaks out into a giggle. she gives you that smile, her dimples on display.

“i’ll consider it.” she says, although, internally she’s screaming ‘yes’ and fighting the urge to hug you.

kinda nsfw

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ a lot of quickies in the bathroom or behind the secluded cabin in the yard. head buried in each other’s shoulders or hand clamping the mouth of the other’s to not get caught by the creepy guards or other prisoners.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ when you finally get some privacy, she makes sure she can hear every sound you make, watching your reactions closely like she’s trying to memorise it and hold onto it for thinking about it when she’s away from you.

“you like that, baby?” her words vibrate against your clit, eliciting a moan from you.

“yeah, you like that.” she giggles as she looks up at you through her eyelashes, making eye contact, before she goes back to devouring your pussy.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ she’s not satisfied until she’s pulled four orgasms from you on most days. she just loves seeing you all fucked out, knowing she was the one who caused it.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ always groping your ass in public or smacking it when she thinks the guards aren’t looking. when you’re in the prison cafeteria feeding her her meal—because to her the slop they serve is bearable only when it’s your fingers wrapping around the spoon and bringing the food up to her mouth—she’ll slide a hand up your thigh and rest it awfully close to your cunt, drawing stars near the area, as she looks at you with an innocent smile.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ she’s extremely needy some days. especially after a tiresome day at work and not being able to see you as the officers piled extra work on her. not even two minutes into kissing and she’s already humping your thigh, her slick sticking to her underwear. she’ll whine pathetically, all the while complaining about how tired she is and how much she missed you, making you just give in instead of teasing her.

bonus

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ when she finds out you’re getting released, her heart feels heavy, like someone just squeezed lemon juice on her open wounds. she sucks it up and pretends to be happy for you nonetheless, knowing you’ll finally get to take a proper shower, eat normal food and sleep on a bed that doesn’t give you neck pain every single day.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ but, what if she mattered to you only in the confined grounds of prison? what if you’ll forget her the minute you step outside? you’ll just walk out into the world, make new friends, new experiences, and a life that will no longer include her. these thoughts gnaw at her but she never asks you about it.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ she doesn’t do a very good job at hiding her worries though. you see right through her facade and assure her you’ll be waiting for her on the other side. and you stick true to your words, sending her letters, calling her during ‘phone time’ and visiting her almost everyday during visitation hours. you tell her about your life and how the parole officer is still a pain in the ass while she tells you about the prison gossip and how lonely it feels without you.

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ she’s on her best behaviour all the time, her main motive being to serve her time and get out so she can be with you, properly. so when she finally gets released, the first thing she does is ask joel to buy a diamond ring, saying she’ll lend him the money back, and meet her outside the prison. she knows you’d be waiting for her in the car to pick her up from the prison. after bidding joel goodbye, she jogs over to your car and throws herself in the passenger seat.

“hey, baby.” she grins, buzzing with excitement, anticipation and anxiousness. she was finally free and it took all her self control to not fling herself onto you and make love to you right here after yearning for the warmth of your touch for so long.

“hey.” you manage a smile, feeling overwhelmed by seeing her, and this time without a guard monitoring interactions between an inmate and a visitor.

“fuck, that was the longest five years of my life.” she leaned back in her seat and let out a soft sigh. her hand reaches over the centre console, coming to rest on your thigh. her fingers tap a nervous rhythm as she looks at you. she’d been planning this moment for months, but now that it was happening, she felt nervous as hell.

she pulled her clammy hand away from your thigh, inhaling sharply as she averted her gaze. her fingers fiddled with the small ring box before pulling it out. “uh..do you want to be my prison wife, but without the ‘prison’?”

[northopalshore]

Juno Persona Chart: observations II

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࿐ Juno (3);

is an asteroid you use to look for when trying to decipher one's future spouse & circumstances of meeting. JPC masterlist.

North node (1° aries) in 1st house

Love at first sight. Fireworks and wedding bells start playing the moment you lock eyes with each other. At that moment, both of you will have no doubt that you are the one for each other.

Kiss (7° libra) in 1st house

You could have been their first kiss, at least romantically. You are likely to be seen kissing very often once in a relationship.

Kama (11° aquarius ) in 1st house

They could be someone very s*xual. You could be very s*xually attracted to eachother from the get go. You could assume they get nasty pretty often just based on how they look, and how unfazed they may be when talking about s*x. Once married, people around you will know you as that one freaky couple lol.

Briede/groom (28° cancer) in 1st house

You will see them as someone very gentle, and you'll think that they are wifey/husband material from the first time you meet. 💅🏻 As a wife/husband, they/you will be very popular, affectionate, soft and loving but also competitive and stubborn.

Alma (29° leo) in 2nd house

Both of you will be very drawn into creating a name for yourselves as within your relationship. Perhaps you will work together on something creative. You will love indulging in the arts together.

Great Attractor (14° taurus) in 3rd house

People could say good things about your relationship. Perhaps your union will be talked about from person to person. Attracting rumours and media. You'll likely be friends with each other's siblings or friends.

Pluto (23° aquarius) in 3rd house

There could be communication issues when you meet i.e different languages or bad connection? Talking online a lot.

Chiron (13° aries) in 3rd house

Bonding through shared experiences or trauma, perhaps talking to them will bring a healing effect. However, this could also mean rumours being spread will cause trouble. Maybe they'll hear something bad about you and start to get weary, and this might be a problem you both have to face.

Eros (27° gemini) in 3rd house

Instant connect to your heart & your loins lmao. Everything they say will turn you on (they say some simple shit- yeah glo! Lol) . While they talk, you'll be looking at their face, their eyes, their lips, what they're wearing.. and when they call for your attention you'll be at a loss lmao.

Mercury (24° pisces) in Capricorn 4th house

You won't be able to talk as much as you'd like because of work. However, it also means you'll find yourself thinking of them, your previous conversations, their voice & perhaps even daydream about them when you're alone or at work lol.

Great Attractor (13° aries) in 4th house

Meeting at home or your home town. You attract a lot of attention to your home life after meeting them. Perhaps your mother or your relatives will constantly ask "So, how's your love life going?" lmao.

Great Attractor (15° gemini) in 6th house

Your partnership will open new opportunities in terms of your career. They could get you in touch with important people or even just expand your friend circle. People will notice you more in your workspace/daily life.

Pluto retrograde (5° leo) in Sagittarius 4th house

Distance could be an issue in your relationship at first. Perhaps you'll live far from them, so you won't be able to see each other very often.

Alma in aries/aries° 7th house

Your souls were meant to be united in this life through contracts i.e marriage. Love at first sight, the moment you meet you know they are the one.

Part of fortune (3° gemini) in 7th house

They could be a popular singer or a writer and they may be signed to a certain company/label/publisher. Your marriage will bring you a lot of luck and happiness.

Boda (4°cancer) in 8th house

Your marriage may drastically change your home life. Your marriage will be very private, romantic and perhaps slightly controversial to most people.

Saturn (3° gemini) in 9th house

They could still be in college or university when you meet. They may put a lot of importance into their higher education. They could also just be entering college/university i.e a first year/junior since gemini also symbolises early education. They could also just have dropped out lol.

Moon (10° Capricorn) 9th house

They could be very emotionally mature for their age. Someone very introspective and logical. They could be burdened with work/education when you meet.

Moon conjunct saturn

Your heart could linger on them, or you'll find yourself thinking about them for a long time after the initial meeting.

note: It reminds me of that one interview with South Korean artist Rain where he tells interviewers how he met his wife (I think it was for a reality tv show). Her voice kept echoing in his mind after hearing it once. He likely has this placement in his juno pc if not saturn conjunct mercury.

Midheaven leo/leo°

Their career could involve the arts, children and being popular or extroverted.

ex: teacher, coach, actor, singer

Midheaven taurus/taurus°

Their career could involve their voice, their face and cooking/lifestyle.

ex: singer, model, chef, actor

Midheaven gemini/gemini°

Their career could involve young children, writing and talking. They work in an environment where information comes fast and easy.

ex: IT, preschool teacher, grade school teacher, writer, news anchor & commentator

Union (17° libra) in cancer 11th house

You could meet them at home online while scrolling on social media i.e Tiktok, Instagram, dating apps etc.

Mars (25° aries) in 11th house

You could meet them online, or the both of you will be very focused on humanitarianism & charity work. You could share a group of friends or perhaps they will introduce you to their friends.

Venus in 12th house

You will be put in a trance by each other. Perhaps your eyes will linger a little longer after they look away. Both of you will exchange a lot of "sneaky" glances towards each other. If you met online, you will likely fantasize about them through the screen lol.

ex: Your scrolling through Tiktok, then suddenly their video pops up and you can't help but linger on their profile for longer than you probably should have. It's likely you'll do a little stalking as well especially if it's in leo/pisces/scorpio lol.

Venus conjunct mars

Love at first sight. Both of you will be strongly attracted to each other the moment your eyes lock.

12th house stellium

LONG DISTANCE. You might not be able to see them often after the initial meeting, but you'll likely keep in contact through the phone.

Fama (24° pisces) in Leo 12th house

People may romanticise your relationship and how you met. Of course this can go both ways, there will also be a lot of assumptions that people will harbor about your relationship and about the both of you in general (perhaps even before you met! i.e assuming the type of partner you'll get. )

Any Grand trine present in the chart will make the house involved a lot easier to deal with.

For example planets in the 1st-10th-4th (same element)form a grand trine: Your identity, career and home life are very harmonious with eachother. You are likely to receive a lot of support from your partner in these areas of life, even if some aspects in those houses are placed rather difficultly.

note: this goes for all charts including natal, composite and any persona chart.

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***entertainment purposes only: reader discretion is advised***

Thank you for reading ♡

@northopalshore

@northopalshore 2024 all rights reserved.

[she-is-ovarit]

I feel like not nearly enough education and awareness is provided for people and especially kids to recognize pedophile culture and grooming behavior.

Pedophiles view and treat children and teens as equals, and grooming often happens very slowly over time through the pedophile devoting quality time to the child or teenager. The actually grooming piece can take years. They also only rarely force or coerce a child into sexual contact - instead, touching is gradual. Pedophiles take the perspective that children and teens are capable of consent. People should genuinely be cautious of someone who seem to hyperfocus on and operate from the perspective of children and teens being psychologically developed enough to consent to what are normally adult responsibilities and decisions - especially pertaining to sex, sexuality, and the kids' sex-based characteristics.

A bullet list of common characteristics:

Popular with both children and adults.

Appears to be trustworthy and respectable. Has good standing in the community.

Prefers the company of children. Feels more comfortable with children than adults. Is mainly attracted to prepubescent boys and girls. Can be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.

“Grooms” children with quality time, video games, parties, candy, toys, gifts, money.

Singles out children who seem troubled and in need of attention or affection.

Often dates or marries women with children that are the age of his preferred victims.

Rarely forces or coerces a child into sexual contact. Usually through trust and friendship. Physical contact is gradual, from touching, to picking up, to holding on lap, to kissing, etc.

Derives gratification in a number of ways. For some, looking is enough. For others, taking pictures or watching children undress is enough. Still others require more contact.

Finds different ways and places to be alone with children.

Are primarily (but not always) male, masculine, better-educated, more religious than average, in their thirties, and choose jobs allowing them greater access to children.

Are usually family men, have no criminal record, and deny that they abuse children, even after caught, convicted, incarcerated, and court-ordered into a sex offender program. The marriage is often troubled by sexual dysfunction, and serves as a smokescreen for the pedophile’s true preferences and practices.

Are often, but not always, themselves victims of some form of childhood sexual abuse.

Even if the pedophile has no children, his home is usually child-friendly, with toys, books, video games, computers, bikes, swing sets, skateboards, rec room, pool, snacks – things to attract children to his home and keep them coming back. Usually the items reflect the preferred age of his victims.

A female pedophile usually abuses a child when partnered with an adult male pedophile, and is often herself a victim of chronic sexual abuse.

A pedophile can act independently, or be involved in an organized ring, including the Internet, NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association), and other pro-pedophilia groups. Some pedophiles recognize that their behavior is criminal, immoral, and unacceptable by society, and operate in secrecy. Some are quite open and militant about their practices and advocate the normalization of pedophilia under the guise of freedom of speech and press, and uses innocuous language like “intergenerational intimacy.”

Here is another source:

Generally, pedophiles do not use force to have children engage in these activities but instead rely on various forms of psychic manipulation and desensitization (eg, progression from innocuous touching to inappropriate touching, showing pornography to children) (1, 5, 17, 21). When confronted about engaging in such activities, pedophiles commonly justify and minimize their actions by stating that the acts “had educational value,” that the child derived pleasure from the acts or attention, or that the child was provocative and encouraged the acts in some way (1, 3, 9, 22–24).

Many, many pedophiles use the trans rights movement and the gay movement to be able to access child victims or normalize pedophile culture by justifying certain behaviors and actions as having educational value.

A popular thing I see on here are comics or graphic design art that seemed to be aimed at children or teens to "educate them" about sexuality, trans identity, etc. This is not appropriate and is a red flag.

"The percentage of homosexual pedophiles ranges from 9% to 40%, which is approximately 4 to 20 times higher than the rate of adult men attracted to other adult men (using a prevalence rate of adult homosexuality of 2%–4%) (5, 7, 10, 19, 29, 30). This finding does not imply that homosexuals are more likely to molest children, just that a larger percentage of pedophiles are homosexual or bisexual in orientation to children (19)."

Fifty percent to 70% of pedophiles can be diagnosed as having another paraphilia, such as frotteurism, exhibitionism, voyeurism, or sadism (7, 12, 25).

In general, most individuals who engage in pedophilia or paraphilias are male (2–7, 9, 10).

Pedophilic women tend to be young (22–33 years old); have poor coping skills; may meet criteria for the presence of a psychiatric disorder, particularly depression or substance abuse; and frequently also meet criteria for being personality disordered (antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, dependent) (27) (Table 1). In incidents in which women are identified as being involved in sexually inappropriate acts with children, there is an increased chance of a male pedophile being involved as well (7).

In a study by Abel and Harlow (15) of 2429 adult male pedophiles, only 7% identified themselves as exclusively sexually attracted to children, which confirms the general view that most pedophiles are part of the nonexclusive group (attracted to both adults and children).

Federal data show that 27% of all sexual offenders assaulted family members.

The study by Abel and Harlow (15) found that 68% of “child molesters” had molested a family member; 30% had molested a stepchild, a foster child, or an adopted child; 19% had molested 1 or more of their biologic children; 18% had molested a niece or nephew; and 5% had molested a grandchild.

[jackoshadows]

I have come across some posts/comments saying that Jon Snow will stay as Jon Snow and will never become Jon Stark. Here's the thing though - Jon Snow IS already Jon Stark! He just doesn't know it yet.

As GRRM states:

Q: I have a question, since Robb actually  legitimized Jon and named him his heir for Winterfell and the North  before the Red Wedding (granted no one knows about this and is still  alive or free, the Greatjon knows as does Edmure, but I dont see them  getting out of the Twins any time soon and Catelyn would probably die  before telling anyone) does this make Jon’s rejection of Stannis’ offer  moot? A: Edmure and the Greatjon are prisoners, true… but you are forgetting  the envoys that Robb sent to Howland Reed… Galbart Glover, Maege  Mormont, Jason Mallister… they are all alive and free. As to what is and is not moot… the key point is, only a king can legitimize a bastard……

"Precedent," she said bitterly. "Yes, Aegon the Fourth legitimized all his bastards on his deathbed. And how much pain, grief, war, and murder grew from that? I know you trust Jon. But can you trust his sons? Or their sons? The Blackfyre pretenders troubled the Targaryens for five generations, until Barristan the Bold slew the last of them on the Stepstones. If you make Jon legitimate, there is no way to turn him bastard again. Should he wed and breed, any sons you may have by Jeyne will never be safe." - Catelyn, ASoS

Robb stood, and as quick as that, her fate was settled. He picked up a sheet of parchment. "One more matter. Lord Balon has left chaos in his wake, we hope. I would not do the same. Yet I have no son as yet, my brothers Bran and Rickon are dead, and my sister is wed to a Lannister. I've thought long and hard about who might follow me. I command you now as my true and loyal lords to fix your seals to this document as witnesses to my decision." A king indeed, Catelyn thought, defeated. She could only hope that the trap he'd planned for Moat Cailin worked as well as the one in which he'd just caught her. - Catelyn, ASoS

So it is done. King in the North Robb Stark has already legitimized Jon Snow as Jon Stark. Edmure Tully, GreatJon Umber, Maege Mormont, Galbart Glover and Jason Mallister all now know that Jon Snow is Jon Stark.

They just have not managed to either get word to him (Edmure and the GreatJon being prisoners) or for reasons unknown - most probably because of the Boltons squatting in Winterfell with Northmen as Lannister hostages and Stannis engaged in a campaign in the North - have just not informed Jon about this.

This right here is strong foreshadowing for Jon Stark as King in the North through Robb's Will:

Stannis read from the letter. "Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK. A girl of ten, you say, and she presumes to scold her lawful king." - Jon I, ADwD

At this point it's clearly implied that Lyanna Mormont has heard from her mother. Maege Mormont - who is witness to Robb's last will and decree which names Jon Stark as KITN - is last seen heading to the Neck with her daughters.

Catelyn wondered if Lady Maege had reached the Neck as yet. She had taken her other daughters with her, but as one of Robb’s battle companions Dacey had chosen to remain by his side. - Catelyn, ACoK

In ADwD, Alysane mentions that two of her sisters are with their mother. Which makes it clear that she has heard from Maege.

"Sisters," Alysane Mormont replied, gruff as ever. "Five, we were. All girls. Lyanna is back on Bear Island. Lyra and Jory are with our mother. Dacey was murdered." "The Red Wedding." - The King's Prize, ADwD

Which then implies that Lyanna Mormont has heard from her mother and her declaration is for Jon Stark.

Now of course they could be talking about Rickon Stark, if Maege and Galbart Glover managed to communicate with Robett Glover and Manderly has let them know that Rickon is still alive. However, keeping in mind that Galbart Glover was also witness to King Robb's last decree which legitimizes Jon Snow as Jon Stark, it's very possible this is about Jon Stark as well.

The next paragraph just hits us over the head with foreshadowing that more or less confirms that this is about Jon Stark.

Maege Mormont had ridden south with Robb, Jon knew. Her eldest daughter had joined the Young Wolf's host as well. Even if both of them had died, however, Lady Maege had other daughters, some with children of their own. Had they gone with Robb as well? Surely Lady Maege would have left at least one of the older girls behind as castellan. He did not understand why Lyanna should be writing Stannis, and could not help but wonder if the girl's answer might have been different if the letter had been sealed with a direwolf instead of a crowned stag, and signed by Jon Stark, Lord of Winterfell. It is too late for such misgivings. You made your choice. - Jon I, ADwD

Yes Jon, the answer would have been different because Lyanna straight out just declared for YOU! He just doesn't know it yet.

Jon took a knee. The king frowned at him, and rattled the parchment angrily. Rise. Tell me, who is Lyanna Mormont? One of Lady Maeges daughters, Sire. The youngest. She was named for my lord fathers sister.

The fact that it's LYANNA Mormont making this declaration - which GRRM reminds us of in the same discussion when Jon tells Stannis that she is named after his father's sister - just sweetens the whole deal!

[master-gatherer]

"just because you can't articulate it doesn't mean you're wrong" true but also if you want to communicate you have to find some way to articulate it. Not just b/c other people need to understand your ideas, but so you can stress test your ideas to make sure you're not wrong

B/c you can still be wrong, you see. But you won't know where you went wrong unless you can articulate what you're thinking

[spacedlexi]

the way the ericson group were at the outbreak just a bunch of troubled kids who made various mistakes or committed crimes and were judged by a system that punished and abandoned them instead of giving them the support and love they needed, are then nearly a decade later put into a situation where now they must judge a troubled child for the mistakes and crimes hes committed against them. and 5 to 3 vote them out 😭

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[wasabikitcat]

community college is so funny because half of the teachers are like "For this class you need to use lockdown browser for all quizzes and tests. You need to buy this 70 dollar textbook, and all papers turned in must be in APA format with a title page even if they're only 500 words long. I will not accept late assignments. Also you have a minimum of 4 assignments a week." and the other half are like "you don't need proctoring for the final exam I trust you. here's a download link to a pirated copy of the textbook. as long as your writing is coherent and demonstrates an understanding of the material I literally could not care less what format you use. I can't figure out how canvas works so I'm not giving you due dates, just make sure it's turned in before the grading period ends. your only weekly assignment is a forum post with a minimum of 100 words."

[brittlebutch]

it does feel a little bit like. those posts that go 'the only way to get through life is to go out and meet people and make friends and be in a community etc etc etc',,, i'm not saying they're fundamentally Wrong but also it does kind of feel like those people have never endured the horror of going to community after community after community and being quietly excluded from all of them for the crime of being Too Weird, sorry to say it. sometimes when people reply 'it isn't that easy' they're not just being tar pits, sometimes it really Isn't that easy

[atomiclace]

who knew that some agere people would be the worst type of people to exist (talking about you spinny)

[werebutch]

WSBH chara q’s: (you don’t have to answer all the numbers, just whatever you want to 𖢘)

16/35/51 for Scotch

1/6/55 for Atlas

I LOVE YOU

16. What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?

okay i truly think scotch argues with seraph in his head all the time. ALL the time. scotch largely ignores them, and vice versa, because he dislikes them and they know it. seraph is very conflict avoidant lol, and as long as hes not a "threat" they dont care to talk to him about their problems. he probably argues with atlas and jacob (his older brother) too, atlas about more stupid small stuff, and jacob about childhood and life stuff :p

im trying to think of more general groups he would argue with but i cant come up with anything BAHAH. hes not exactly conflict avoidant in the annoying libra way that seraph is, he more just ignores conflict for his friends’ (mostly atlas’) sake. idk if that makes sense LOL

35. What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?

hmmm.. smallest? i mean scotch strings eloise along for most of the time pre timeskip. its not a main focus but its definitely important in order to understand scotch as a whole. she and scotch go out for a while, and mid way through that he realizes hes GAY gay. lol. and obviously lying to her about that is pretty questionable after a while. especially since he and atlas have been 👉👌 like the whole time. but she kind of knows. well

something a little bigger would be him encouraging or otherwise turning a blind eye to all the weird stuff atlas is up to. he doesn't know what it's like to be a werewolf, he can't say anything, right? lol.... murder is okay if its a talking dog doing it. scotch enabler supreme. actually when seraph is introduced, he and atlas have a 'joke' (kind of starts being real) about luring seraph somewhere to kill them. obviously doesnt happen and gets abandoned. but i think its important to know about their dynamic LOL

51. What’s a phrase they say a lot?

this guy is kind of goofy. i cant think of phrases rn but he has a specific way of speaking.. you could watch pretty much any old pop punk band interview and kind of get the idea. HAHAH

1. What’s the lie your character says most often?

atlas is a big fan of saying 'its fine' for all situations ever. family in mortal danger? its fine. completely splitting? its fine. arthritis excruciating? its fine. hes one of those people that dont like to deal with the fawning of others unless hes feeling real special. Ends up putting people in more danger a lot of the time. i think eloise is the only fan of communication in this friend group to be honest. i should have made her the main character

he tends to make promises he cant keep as well, but thats more general..

6. What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?

i have NO idea. i feel like atlas would be a music snob, so maybe his favorite 'super underground' bands. otherwise he'd probably never recommend raw human meat to another human (no matter how much scotch asks -__-).. (he would chicken out anyway)

55. What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?

um. so atlas hates working out. he especially hates running, you know, the thing that wolves are known for doing a lot of? unfortunately the lycanthropy came with a side effect of pretty bad arthritis, so that doesnt exactly encourage him. he DOES exercise, a lot since hes pretty much required for his ermm "side job", but he hates it 😸 besides the arthritis it’s mostly because I think it’s silly that he hates it. yay

[flufflecat]

happy pride month, im so glad to see people doing fun new varieties of ace discourse this year -_-

[rosesradio]

.

[probablynotsamantha]

Dammit heart why are you like this ik she's like the exact damn girl you would've thought up to be as attractive and friend as humanly possible to me but you still don't have to be this whiny about it.

[ak4rin]

akari will say that jujutsu laws are too strict as if she didn't get away with breaking a thousand of them to play PI for almost a decade and some

[actias-android]

I announced this on Mythcord as well, but I might as well put it here too. I'm going to be entirely leaving the server soon after 6 years of running it. Some of the text will be familiar to those on the server but it's not a direct copy-paste, either, and I'm definitely going to be a lot more opinionated on here. I pulled my punches on the in-server announcement but this is my personal blog.

When I started Mythcord, I was looking for something. I couldn't tell you what, exactly, just that I felt like there was some Great Big Secret, and maybe nobody had all the pieces, but maybe some people had some of the pieces, and if I brought them together in an environment specifically designed for discussion, we'd assemble enough of the pieces that I would find The Thing I Was Looking For. And hey, everyone else might find their thing too.

Which, you know, decent motivation! Not a bad plan. The problem was that the thing that I ended up discovering was absolutely contrary to what I expected, and indeed contrary to the kind of place it was.

Really I found out two things: one, I'm not otherkin. I'm nonhuman, yes, but I am not the kind of nonhuman who's described by the word otherkin. I don't see my Self as something that can be split into spiritual or psychological, voluntary or involuntary, dysphoric or non-dysphoric, serious or frivolous, meaningful or random, intrinsic or extrinsic, chosen or thrust upon me—none of it. It doesn't even feel like it applies. This is like asking what flavor the moon would be if tomorrow was Thursday. It's not something I even know how to begin to address. None of the cultural parameters that are indicated by the label otherkin make sense to me in the context of my own identity. I can see where they have meaning to others. I can't see where I would begin to apply them to myself. I am literally just whatever I am right now, because I am happiest being this, and if that changes, I'm cool with it. I'll be something else and live my best life being that.

I also picked up a second identity as a reploid and promptly fumbled my first fae identity so hard it's lost in the carpet somewhere. Possibly rolled under the couch. It exists, but fuck if I can find it. A fictional type of android has no business or indeed interest in heading a community for mythical creatures with a completely different understanding of their nonhumanity. I can't keep doing it. I actually just get upset looking at the server anymore because it has no relation to me, and that's a disservice to the community that exists there.

The second thing I discovered was that the general otherkin subcultural community I've encountered is deeply fucked up. I've only really interacted in any meaningful way via Discord (and only a few servers at that) and Tumblr, and I've stayed pretty insular. I mostly post my little essays and thoughts and I don't usually have much to say directly to anybody. And yet, even with this absolute minimum of interaction, I've been on the business end of pointless drama, poorly-attempted character assassination, people flagrantly just making up shit about me to justify treating me like some horrible villain, aggressive gatekeeping, inexplicable grudges, gossip-mongering, finding out that I live rent-free in multiple people's heads as a bogeyman both too stupid to function and somehow too threatening to go unwatched, people trying to pit the Mythcord mod team against each other evidently not realizing we're IRL friends, and that one time some ineffectual douchecanoe said he was going to kill me then completely forgot what his plan to do so was. Some of this was just by vengeful random morons, but some of it was by so-called community leaders. All of it was by people in their late 20s and older. You know, adults, who should know better.

In what universe is any of that behavior okay? And yet, if I complained about it to anybody, I got told that I probably deserved it, that they'd totally seen worse drama so I should just chill, and people absolutely and repeatedly leapt at the chance to report any little fucking thing I said back to the people perpetuating it so they could wave it around as ammunition over me because look, this guy dared to talk shit about me, he's as bad as I said! (The shit amounted to, "This is a crappy way to treat someone and I'm frustrated about it." Oh, no. I am just unforgivable, obviously.)

Like, guys, this is a goddamn problem and it is huge. This is some peaked-in-high-school, adult-mean-girls, pants-on-head-stupid bullshit. It's not normal behavior, but it is deeply normalized behavior, and you can't even call it out because it's everywhere from the top down and that's how you get completely ostracized by very loud people with follower counts in the thousands and eyes and ears everywhere. I flatly refuse to share a word or even a community with it. Even if I could justify using the otherkin label—and I probably could, if I really wanted to!—I wouldn't, because then I have to be under the tent with all that, and...no. I can't stomach it. My blood pressure and stomach issues are already medicated and do not need the extra stress. I am so over it. There is more beef than a goddamn slaughterhouse in the otherkin community and I will not have anything to do with it aside from having some friends who still use the label for themselves.

That's probably rent-lowering shots I'm firing and I know it. Most people, if they said anything at all, would have thrown this whole thing under a read more at minimum but I'm too tired of it to shut up any longer and if that loses a few followers, okay, cool. I don't want to hang around people who aren't clear-eyed enough to see the issues going on. If you stick the word 'otherkin' on a thing and people who behave that way show up and expect everyone to tolerate them, that's not okay and nobody should tolerate it. And yet. That's just how a lot of otherkin carry on. I've been upset about it for years and it just. Keeps. Happening. I am sufficiently pissed at this point that you could call me antikin and I'd agree with you purely on the rotten goddamn social issues going on.

All that being said, I am leaving Mythcord in the next several days once some backend stuff gets wrapped up, but I am still here like black mold in the walls whether anybody likes it or not, and I'm still going to be right on this blog with my little essays and thoughts. I would like to think that this post might change some things, but I don't expect it, because I don't have much reach and I'm just one guy getting mad on the internet. It's whatever. I got it off my chest and I'm moving on from the whole thing. Back to your regularly unscheduled little essays and thoughts and whatever the hell else.

(And probably changing my blog name soon because I really want something that reflects my current identity better than the current one does.)